Jason’s massage therapist deserves a fucking pay raise.

He has no idea how the fuck the dude gives back massages that quiet the goddam pit but you bet your ass Jason is recommending Danny to anyone who looks like they need a massage.

Elevate Thy Hate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Not a day goes by that you and Bucky don’t argue.

Word Count: 4,642

Warnings: Cliché plot but slight angst, self-doubt and Bucky being a loveable idiot who sucks at communicating

A/N: Surprise one-shot because I just remembered I wrote this like...last year lmfao

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

You woke up feeling great and excited. The mission was finally finished, debriefings were done and reports have been submitted. Everyone was given an entire week to get some rest and since rest days were pretty rare, you truly looked forward to this day.

Before you could even saunter in the kitchen, you had already heard the chatters from your fellow Avengers. One particular voice irked you though but hell no, you weren’t going to let one Bucky Barnes ruin your day.

A chorus of good mornings greeted you as soon as you walked into the kitchen. Nat and Steve were on one side of the counter sipping their coffee while Sam and Wanda were finishing up their food. Tony and Bruce were out of sight, probably holed up in the lab doing experiments as usual. Bucky didn’t acknowledge you and quickly headed out of the kitchen, thankfully. You weren’t in the mood to pick a fight.

Walking up to the cupboards, you quickly grabbed you favorite cereal and proceeded to pour it out on your bowl. None came out though. You peeked inside bag and saw that only crumbs of it were left.

“Who the—“

Everyone was already pointing at Bucky when you turned around to ask. And of course, Bucky did it on purpose because he stood there at the end of the hallway, watching you with smug grin on his face.

“I hope your day sucks.” He said and flipped you the bird before turning around to walk away.

You groaned out loud, ignoring the amused chuckles from everyone else in the kitchen.

“I’m not stooping down to your level, asshole! I hope your day is average!”

The day was fortunately uneventful, except for your ruined breakfast care of Bucky. You were determined not to let that annoy you for the rest of the day. So far, so good. You could only wish it’d continue that way for the rest of the week.

-

“I told you not to rush!” Bucky snapped.

“I had him already! If you didn’t throw that goddamn smoke grenade I would’ve killed him!” You explained.

You could see Sam shaking his head in frustration. Bucky always had to blame something on you even though you weren’t the one at fault.

Bucky snorted, “He had a sniper for fuck’s sake! One shot and you’re dead.”

“Oh wow, says the one who got shot before I did.” You rolled your eyes at Bucky.

The two of you continued to bicker until Nat and Steve walked into the living room looking confused as you and Bucky exchanged insults while Sam remained sandwiched between the both of you on the couch.

“Who got shot?” Steve asked, glancing at you and Bucky alternately.

“Did we miss out on a mission or...?” Nat continued.

Sam chuckled, “We were playing Call of Duty and we lost.” He explained, taking the opportunity to get up from the sofa.

Steve still looked lost, something that Nat immediately picked up. “It’s a video game.” She explained.

“You two are fighting over a game?” He asked you and Bucky.

“They fight over everything.” Nat shrugged and walked out of the room with Sam tagging behind her.

“I’m outta here too, I’m so done babysitting the kids.” He muttered under his breath.

-

It was past midnight when you were in the living room alone, watching television while eating a Whopper. The lights were turned off and it was absolutely quiet in the compound, setting the perfect ambience for the crime documentary you were watching.

Not long after, you heard someone walk into the living room. It was only when your heard the familiar grunt that you realized who it was. Of course, it had to be Bucky.

“Are you eating a burger?” He asked incredulously.

“No, it’s popcorn. Of course it’s a fucking burger, are you blind or just dumb?” You snapped, your eyes still glued on the television.

“Dumbfounded that you’re eating that at this hour. No wonder you suck at cardio.” Bucky said as he sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“Are you body-shaming me?” You gasped.

Bucky snickered, “I didn’t say anything, I just said you suck at cardio.” He said, not looking at you.

You chose to ignore him and brought your attention back to the television. It was quiet for moment. You almost forgot about Bucky’s presence until of course, he decided to annoy you yet again.

“Can you pass the remote?” Bucky asked monotonously.

“No.”

Silence.

“This show sucks.” He commented.

You were focused on the show but noticed that Bucky was staring at you.

“Can you please pass the remote?” He asked again.

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m watching. I was here first. I hold the rights to control the remote.” You deadpanned, refusing to look at him.

There was a flash of black and gold right before your eyes. Everything happened quickly and the next thing you knew, Bucky was hovering above you, trapping you between his body and the arm rest of the sofa.

“The fuck, Barnes?! Get off of me!” You protested and started pushing him away.

“You gotta work on your reflexes, darling.” He said, finally leaning away from you, remote now in his hand.

He grinned triumphantly and switched the channel before placing the remote inside his sweatpants, “Want to switch the channel? Come and get it.” he taunted as he leaned back on the couch, opening his legs wide as he showed off how the remote created a tent in his sweatpants.

That was the remote...right? You mentally slapped yourself for actually thinking about what Bucky was packing beneath those pants and frowned.

“You’re an asshole and a disgusting one.” You told him.

“God, I hate you.” You muttered and crumpled the wrapper of your burger before throwing it at Bucky.

Deciding that you didn’t want to argue any further, you got up and left the living room, but not without telling Bucky again how much you hated him for making your life miserable.

“The feeling is mutual.” You heard him say.

-

The petty fights with Bucky went on and on during that entire week of rest. Despite the arguments, there were small moments of kindness shared between you and the soldier.

“Where are you going dressed up so nicely?” You asked Bucky upon seeing him walk into the kitchen wearing a leather jacket on top of a black shirt, dark, tight-fitting jeans and a pair of Doc Martens.

It was meant as an insult, of course. You took every opportunity to tease Bucky and his newfound sense of fashion. Said fashion meant his taste for very millennial outfits despite his old age.

“Grocery.” He replied as he went over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

“Ooh, can you buy me Starbucks on your way back? I’ll pay.” You asked kindly.

Bucky just stared at you as he drank from his glass of water. He slammed it on the counter before walking past you.

“Not a damn chance.”

He did buy you Starbucks though. It didn’t shock you that much considering that the both of you didn’t hate on each other all the damn time. But what surprised you was that he brought you your usual drink and your favorite pastry too.

Steve must have forced him to do so, probably told his best friend your usual orders as well so you made a note to thank him as soon as they got back.

And thank Steve you did, but you didn’t expect the reply that you got.

“Oh was that the reason why Bucky kept bugging me about stopping by Starbucks?” Steve asked.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “What do you mean? I thought he told you I asked him to buy me Starbucks.”

Steve chuckled, “I guess now I know why he wouldn’t shut up about it.” he said, amusement laced in his tone.

“I don’t understand, Cap.” you said.

Steve just smiled at you in response before squeezing your shoulder, “Maybe you will understand soon.”

And with that, he left you feeling even more confused. You honestly didn’t understand the context of the conversation so you decided to just ignore it. Steve sometimes would say weird shit that none of the Avengers knew about. You dismissed it and thought that maybe it was Steve being a decade old, it was probably an old man thing.

You decided to make coffee for Bucky the following day, as a simple gesture to thank him for the Starbucks. He didn’t ask you to pay him back so you felt obligated to do a little something for him. You were an asshole to him sometimes, yes, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to give credit where credit is due.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t really hate Bucky. If you did actually hate him, the entire team would probably do something about it. Maybe force the two of you to talk things out. The hatred was all fun and games, everyone seemed to be amused by it too.

You still considered Bucky your friend despite the constant bickering. You had to admit, the arguments were pretty fun.

Although, you were wondering whether Bucky felt the same about considering you as his friend. Sometimes, his attitude towards you confused the hell out of you.

One day he’d eat the chocolate you’ve been saving up for cheat day just to spite you. And it definitely did because you ended up cursing him out loud when you saw him munching on it. The next day he brought you a new one. You were watching Netflix when he waltzed into the living room and threw a bar of chocolate at your lap before walking out without saying a word.

These exchange of small yet kind (and confusing) gestures remained unacknowledged. You didn’t know why but you also didn’t feel the need to talk about them. You weren’t going to lie but Bucky’s random acts of kindness would always put a smile on your face.

-

The vacation unfortunately came to an end and everyone had to go back to saving the world. All of you were gathered in the conference room with Fury for a briefing about the next mission. It wasn’t as big as the last one but it still required a lot of planning.

After explaining the mission, Fury let Steve take over the meeting to strategize.

Some were assigned to do surveillance around the parameter while some were appointed to do all the groundwork. Steve of course, just had to partner you with Bucky to do the actual infiltration given that your skills complemented each other’s.

You grinned and was prepared to roast Bucky’s ass when you turned to him and was met with a scowl. He shook his head with what you assumed was disappointment and turned away from you.

It was the first time he ever dismissed you like that. Sure, you were rude to each other but the look that Bucky gave you wasn’t a teasing one. He wasn’t mocking you nor frustrated. Bucky seemed to really hate the idea of being partnered with you. It was the first time that the two of you had to work together without anyone else. Usually, Steve or Sam joined but for this mission, it was just you and Bucky. Concluding that he must have woken up at the wrong side of the bed, you chose to ignore your gut feeling and focused back to Steve.

After the meeting, everyone else exited the room and started with the preparations for the mission. As you walked down the hallway leading to your bedroom, you heard some soft chattering coming from Steve’s bedroom.

You were supposed to ignore it until you heard your name, making you stop in your tracks.

“I can’t be partnered with her, Steve.”

Bucky.

“Buck, just go with it. I can’t be changing assignments at the last minute.” Steve explained.

Bucky sighed, “You know I can’t function properly when she’s around, let alone be partnered with her. She distracts me, Steve. Her skills distract me and I swear on our friendship, I would end up dying on this assignment.”

“You’re being overly dramatic, Buck. Just suck it up, pal. Do the mission and get it over with.”

“Steve, you don’t understand. I really can’t deal with her. Especially if it’s just the two of us. You know how much I fucking—“

“Hate me?”

You couldn’t help but interject in their conversation. How could you not? Bucky was complaining about how he couldn’t deal with you. It really hurt hearing Bucky say all those things about you. Sure, you were somewhat new to the team and you didn’t have superpowers nor years of training like the rest. But you worked your ass off to be in this position. And for him to say that he couldn’t function with you being around struck a nerve. The last thing on your mind was to hold back your teammates, that’s why you train twice, thrice as hard.

Steve and Bucky stared at you as if they’ve seen a ghost. It’s as if all their blood was drained out of their body when they saw you step inside the room. Bucky was about to say something but you decided to cut him off, not wanting to hear more about how he doesn’t want to be partnered with you.

“We don’t get along that well, I get that. But I honestly thought that our arguments were harmless. Hell, I consider us friends. I didn’t think that you actually hated me.” Your voice quivered because you were truly, deeply hurt.

“That’s not what I meant.” Bucky insisted.

“You literally said that you might end up dying because of being partnered with me, Bucky! Look, I know that I don’t have a super serum running through my veins. I can’t move things with my mind and I can’t come up with life-changing tech. I wasn’t trained since childhood nor have the perfect aim. But I worked hard to be in this team. I trained hard not to be a burden to anyone and I’m sorry if my skills aren’t up to your standards.”

What did you even do to Bucky for him to hate you this much?

“Don’t worry, I won’t burden you. Once this mission is over, I won’t bother you anymore. Ever.” You said before walking out of the way, ignoring Bucky when he had repeatedly called your name.

-

The ride to the location was filled with tension. Although everyone else had no idea what happened, they somehow knew that the tension had something to do with you and Bucky.

Thankfully, the quinjet was big enough for you not to end up sitting beside Bucky.

“You okay?” Wanda asked, noticing how restless you were.

What you heard definitely affected you in more ways than one. You kept on double checking your weapons, your gadgets and you even ended up doubting yourself. Were you really equipped to be an Avenger? Steve said that Bucky was merely overacting but what if he was right? What if you weren’t skilled enough to protect him or your teammates?

“That’s not true.” Wanda said out of the blue. “I didn’t mean to read your mind, though. Your thoughts are coming off too strong, kinda hard to ignore.” She said apologetically.

You softly laughed, “I should really be staying away from you.” You joked.

Wanda smiled and placed her hand on top of yours, “I mean it though. You’re amazing at what you do. I don’t understand why you’re doubting yourself about being an Avenger.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you offered Wanda a grateful smile. You noticed that Bucky had been staring at you the entire time but simply ignored him. You weren’t going to let him snap you out of your focus.

-

Once on location, everyone started to split up and listened for Steve’s orders through the comms. You and Bucky managed to get inside the base, all thanks to Nat and the Hulk who handled all the guards.

The building was completely empty when the two of you walked around in search of the hidden quarters where all the intel were kept.

Bucky whistled to get your attention, you turned and saw that he was motioning towards what seemed to be a regular brick wall. However, there were a few bricks out of place and upon examining it, you realized it was some sort of a secret door. You managed to figure out which bricks to push and thankfully, it didn’t take you long enough to open the door which revealed an old, steel elevator.

“We found the entrance, Steve.” Bucky said into the comms.

“Careful in there, there were suspiciously a few guards within the parameters. They all might be in there.” Nat warned.

You heaved out a deep breath before stepping into the elevator with Bucky trailing behind you. There was only one button in the elevator, a red one.

“Can someone scan the elevator and make sure this button won’t set off any boobie trap or something?” You asked nervously as you inspected the elevator for any hidden traps.

The comms cracked with Sam’s voice. “Button is safe although...” he trailed.

“Although what?” Bucky asked, examining the elevator as well.

“You’re in for a long ride.”

You frowned, “How long?” You asked.

“Can’t see. It’s way too deep.”

Sam was able to scan the entire base and true enough, the elevator would lead deep down into the hidden laboratory. How deep into the ground it was, none could tell. Neither Sam nor Tony’s technology could see through due to the lack of signal. Steve said it might be dangerous to proceed given that there were no other ways into the lab except for the elevator.

The lack of signal down there meant no communication.

“Guys, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue with this mission.” Steve said.

“But we’re so close, Steve.” You said.

“I think Steve is right. It’d be hard to call for back up when things go south.” Bucky interjected, not even sparing you a glance.

You snorted. Bucky sure wasn’t overacting when he was complaining about your skills. He definitely didn’t trust you. You weren’t going to settle for that.

“We won’t need any back up.”

And with that, you pressed the red button and completely ignored everyone’s warnings through the comms. Bucky looked at you with disbelief and tried to press the red button again in hopes of halting the elevator. However, the brick wall had closed and the elevator started its descent.

“Why the fuck did you do that?!” He yelled and tried to search the elevator for some sort of stop button.

“We’ll follow soon!” Steve’s voice was the last you heard before your comms completely lost its signal.

“Christ, we don’t even know whether it’s the lab that’s down there!” Bucky said, continuing his search for anything that would bring the both of you up to the ground floor.

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am. All secret doors lead to a top secret room and no, we won’t be needing any back up because I am totally capable of taking down anyone who gets in the way.” You stubbornly replied and leaned against the wall.

You wondered how long the elevator ride was going to be. At the speed that it’s going, it wasn’t impossible to take at least fifteen to twenty minutes if the lab was really far down into the ground. Bucky’s frustration was evident from the way he kept on inspecting the elevator walls. At first it was easy to ignore but Bucky was becoming more and more desperate to find a way to go back up.

“Your desperation to stay away from me is just...astounding.” You said with a bitter chuckle.

“I’m finding a way to get out of here, not away from you.” Bucky explained calmly.

You shook your head, “You don’t trust me to keep you alive, I get it. But can you tone it down even for just a bit?” You spat at him.

Bucky pressed the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh, “You don’t need to keep me alive.”

“Of course not, you don’t need me to do so ‘cause you’re so capable. How did I not think of that?” At this point, you couldn’t stop the word vomit.

You had tons of things to say to Bucky to prove to him that you were totally good at what you do, that he didn’t need to underestimate you just because you were a new addition to the team.

“That’s not what I mean.” Bucky explained again.

It was starting to annoy you that the more you were becoming agitated, the calmer he was becoming. And he kept on telling you that he meant differently with his statements but he never really attempted to further explain his side.

“Then what do you mean, Bucky?” You pressed. “What did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much? Did I say something offensive? Do I have to train 24/7 for you to think that I deserve to be working alongside the Avengers?” You kept on babbling on and on and on.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand, “I don’t hate you, okay?” He doesn’t even spare you a look.

All this time, he was looking at anything but you and it was really getting on your nerves.

“See? You keep on telling me that you don’t hate me but you can’t even look at me! I mean, if you really loathe me then own up to it! It hurts me more that you keep on denying it when you can’t even explain a damn thing. At least tell me why!” You were never an emotional person and Bucky knew that, so when he finally turned to look at you, he was surprised to see you on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey...” Bucky coaxed and tried to hold you but you stepped away from him.

“Just please tell me why, Buck. Tell me and I promise to stay away. If you think I suck at being an Avenger to the point of irritating you, tell me so I can train my fucking ass off until you deem me fit to be an Avenger. If my jokes offended you, I’m sorry. If I—“

“It’s because I like you.”

“...what?”

Bucky Barnes...likes you? It’s as if the silence went on forever inside the elevator that seemed to keep going. How long were the two of you inside it anyway? You couldn’t tell anymore and you didn’t know whether Bucky was simply fooling around with you.

“That’s not funny.” You said.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s not a joke.”

You stared at him doubtfully, “Explain.” You demanded.

Bucky licked his lips and let out a soft chuckle, “I’m an idiot.” He said.

“That doesn’t explain anything. If any, I’d think you’re simply fucking with me.” You pointed out and crossed your arms over your chest.

That seemed to urge Bucky to finally explain. “What you heard in Steve’s room was correct.”

“So you really hate me.”

Bucky groaned, “Let me finish, please?” He pleaded. When you remained silent, he continued to explain himself.

“You really do distract me during missions. Because you’re so amazing and I never doubted your skills. But I also get worried and I hate it when I see you in pain or wounded and it fucking distracts me. I didn’t want to be partnered with you because when I see you, I just...fuck. I like you that much. You kick someone’s ass and I’d end up watching you with awe that it’d cause me my own demise. That’s what I meant. That I’d probably end up dying because whenever you’re around, you have my full attention.”

The anger within you dissipated just like that. You could feel your face heat up from Bucky’s unexpected confession.

“But you’re an asshole to me.” You pointed out.

Bucky laughed, “Because that’s how I get your attention. You walk into a room with a kind-hearted super soldier, a witty bird brain and a few more intelligent men and yet I’d be the first one you’d acknowledge. With a snarky comment but still, attention is attention. It’s the only way I get to interact with you without feeling awkward. I suck at conversations, I mean, you heard me and though I was hating on you when I was merely blabbering to Steve about how much I like you.”

This time, you couldn’t hold back your laughter. All along, Bucky was finding a way to talk to you even though it meant constant arguments over the pettiest things. To be fair though, he really did suck at communicating.

“I’m sorry that it came across like that.” Bucky apologized sincerely. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” He admitted.

You shrugged, “Oh but it does. In fact, it changes everything.”

Bucky’s face fell.

“Because I think I like you too and I kinda want for things to change. For the better of course.” You grinned.

Bucky chuckled and scratched his forehead bashfully, “You think, huh? Not sure?” He asked and turned to you just as the elevator doors opened.

Indeed, it led to the lab where almost all of the targets stayed. The man nearest the elevator had his gun pointed at Bucky but before he could even pull the trigger, Bucky had thrown his knife at him without even sparing a glance and choked the next guy to attack with his metal arm before throwing him towards a group of armed men. He was just gazing at you with a smittened smile.

“Still not sure about liking me back?”

Impressed at his gesture, you smirked.

“Now I am.”

-

By the time Steve, Nat and Sam walked out of the elevator, the mission had already been done. You walked towards the trio and handed Steve a USB.

“All their data is already saved there. Wiped out their entire system clean too.” You told him, voice chirpy and all.

Bucky was right behind you, a couple of folders in his hands before handing them to Sam, “Lotsa confidential info in there too which includes our next targets.” he said and walked past Sam with a certain jump in his steps.

The three exchanged glances before looking around the entire lab. Men were scattered on the floor, most were dead and others heavily injured.

“What the hell happened here?” Nat asked, avoiding the injured men on the ground as she walked around.

“The mission happened, Nat. All that matters now is that everything has been resolved. I mean, everything.” You said meaningfully and threw Bucky a flirty smile before walking into the elevator.

He followed suit and saluted at the three before pushing the red button. The doors weren’t even closed yet when Bucky couldn’t hold back and quickly leaned to press a soft kiss on your lips. An action that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the three. You couldn’t help but chuckle when you noticed their reactions before the elevator closed.

Said trio stood there dumbfounded and confused as hell. Early on, the tension between you and Bucky was felt by everyone. The kind of tension then wasn’t even a sexual one. It was so intense that Nat was actually expecting to see you and Bucky at each other’s throats when they got down to the lab.

“Guess that the long ass elevator ride did something. Whatever was in that elevator seems interesting. Wanna go check it out, Nat?” Sam asked suggestively.

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

Nat simply smirked and walked past Sam, “In your dreams, Wilson.”

-

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one hell of a mandalorian {din djarin}

summary: actions speak louder than words - which is good for din djarin, because he's not very good at words. (this was a commission for an anon! i hope you enjoy).

warnings: language

enjoy!! if you're interested in commissions, you can find out more here :)

- jazz xx

Din Djarin was a man of few words.

That had become clear not long after you'd met.

It wasn't that he didn't like talking, or that he was rude - he'd just never had the need for it. The Mandalorian could spend days and days in hyperspace, on his own with nothing but a frozen bounty to keep him company. And they were hardly chatty, even before they were thrown away into the trawling depths of carbonite animation. There were a few select geniuses who tried to make conversation with him in a last-ditch attempt to appeal to his humanity and beg for mercy, but so far, they'd had a zero-for-zero success rate. It wasn't that he didn't have any humanity to appeal to it - because he did, and his weird, green surrogate kid was an absolute testament to that - but it just took a little bit for it to come out.

The beskar made him seem a little...robotic. Like a droid, which was ironic, because he wouldn't have gone near the things with a ten-foot-barge pole. Din had just become so used to people seeing his mask and his intimidating posture before him that having human traits, like feelings and thoughts and opinions, had never been any use. Having defining traits and a personality was all well and good, but nothing helped you through the galaxy quite like the ability to put the fear of God in people.

The Mandalorian was something, but Din Djarin was somebody. He was good; not necessarily pure and golden-hearted like a typical comic book hero, but he had a strong moral compass. Sometimes, it pointed in opposite directions, but he helped those who needed it and he paid his dues. That was probably a lot more than anyone in the galaxy could have said for themselves. In the fight of good and bad, in a world that existed entirely and black and white, there was nothing more grey than an honest man. Somebody who refused to pick a side held the power of both. For that, Din could have either been extremely smart, or extremely dumb.

Sometimes, he was extremely dumb. Made the wrong moves in combat, or got too cocky, however out of character it was for him. It was the losing fights that truly brought out the human side of Din, and it took a very, very specific eye to see it, sometimes to the point where even he missed it. It never went over your head, though.

You'd joined the crew on the Razor Crest as a mechanic - then you became a baby sitter, and his partner-in-crime, and the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend. His non-verbal nature meant that most of his emotional cues came in the physical form. It went over the heads of everybody else, but between your intuition, and the time spent in such a cramped space, it quickly became like a second language to you. Helmet tilts when he was confused, and little nods when he was pleased; tensed shoulders when the Mandalorian was nervous and balled fists when he was about to absolutely lose his shit.

Today was one of those days. Even though you were both in one piece and the baby was - by some absolute fucking miracle - asleep, it almost hadn't been that way. Nevarro had been quieter than usual, and Din had let his guard down; finally convinced himself to relax a tiny bit and ever-so-slightly loosen the stick that was firmly up his backside. His sudden lack of awareness for your surroundings had meant that someone managed to track the Crest, however briefly. The kid had barely noticed, and you weren't phased by what had been a simple, human mistake. Din, true to nature, was already beating himself up for it.

That was evidenced by his heavy footsteps, and the way he'd immediately retreated to the cockpit and slammed the door. Common sense would have entailed that he wanted to be left alone, but you'd long surpassed the point of any of that. Common sense didn't exist in a galaxy like this one. Doing the obvious thing was, nine times out of ten, usually the wrong way. Expecting the unexpected was the right way to go.

You'd paced outside the door for the better part of fifteen minutes - to go in, or to not go in, that was the question. You were torn between wanting to give Din space and wanting to be there for him; a cranky Din was often an unbearable one, but you cared deeply for him. Maybe a little too much, but that was a can of worms to open later.

"Din?" You gently called. Nothing. "I know you're brooding, or whatever it is you do under that helmet, but talking is good."

"I'm fine."

You sighed. "The scale goes great, good, bad, awful, world-ending and then fine."

"I've never heard that before in my life."

"Yeah, I just made it up on the spot." You murmured.

Resting your hand against the doorknob, you pondered for a moment. Did you want to risk it by going in? Making him mad when he was literally shutting you out? It was hard to know what to do with Din - it wasn't like he came with an answer key, or even a vague manual that could point you in the right direction. It was all just guess work.

"Is the helmet on?" You softly asked.

"Yeah."

You took that as a sign - with a deep breath, you gently opened the door and stepped inside the cockpit, shutting it quietly behind you. The tense atmosphere inside was almost enough to swallow you whole. The man practically radiated angst.

"Talk to me." You took a seat beside him.

"There's nothing to say."

"Bullshit." You murmured. "You might have a thousand inches of beskar hiding your face but your body language is a dead giveaway."

"I'm meant to protect you and the kid." He replied. It wasn't much, but it was better than silence. "It's my job to catch bad people and outrun them when I need."

"You did outrun them." You reminded him. "I'm safe. You're safe. The kid is safe. Does anything else matter?"

"It shouldn't have happened in the first place." Din said. "I was relaxed-"

"- you allowed to relax." You cut him off. "Despite your best efforts, you're a human being."

Reaching out, you gently placed your hand over Din's ungloved palm. He didn't resist or try to brush you away. His hands were soft and callous in equal measures, which felt like a fitting metaphor for him on the whole. You tangled your fingers in his and held on tightly, perhaps in a sad attempt to remind him that you were there.

But Din knew you were there - he could feel it constantly, and he thought about it just as much. Every day of his life prior to you had been filled with rigidity and angst, then you'd come waltzing in and for the first time in years, he'd untensed his muscles and stopped looking over his shoulder. Learnt to take a breath and enjoy the simple things in life, like Grogu laughing or you accidentally tripping over a tree branch. You'd become so important to him that the prospect of losing you was too much for him to even fathom. He'd come close today - too close - and it had been an eye-opener. The irony was that telling you why he was so fucking scared was more frightening than the entire thing itself.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." The gentle pull of your voice lulled him back to reality. "Please?"

His grip on your hand tightened. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." You breathily smiled. "You don't have to apologise."

"I never thought I'd have someone like you." Din admitted. "Coming so close to losing you was terrifying, even if it wasn't that close at all."

He'd never been so open about his feeling towards you before. Obviously, you knew that he viewed you in a way he didn't see anybody else, but that knowledge had been based entirely on physical cues and mere guesswork. You'd never expected him to vocalise the way he felt, or even acknowledge them. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, or even something you considered to be detrimental. The words came as a nice surprise.

"You mean a lot to me, Din." You said. He'd always loved the way his name sounded when you said it; nobody had used it for years, not since he'd lost his parents. It was something to vulnerable and personal. You were the only one he trusted with it.

"I do?"

You didn't mean to laugh at that - you really didn't, but it just came out. A low snort of disbelief; shock at his absolute inability to read the fucking room. Din was as intuitive as they came, with the ability to read criminals like a bedtime story he'd been rehearsing since he was a kid. Then it came to you, and he knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. To call him clueless would be the understatement of the century.

"Maker." You murmured. "Of course you do - more than anyone or anything."

"You're special to me." Din replied. "It scares me sometimes."

Din was straight forward with everything he said - it was just finding the courage to say it. He'd gone into battle with Imps and Republic Rangers alike; fought krayt dragons and droids and fellow Mandalorians and yet this entire thing shook him to his very core more than anything else.

You didn't know it, but you were perfectly holding his gaze. Staring right through it and looking right into his soul. He forgot he had one sometimes. It was probably a little dusty and covered in cobwebs, but it was there, and you were bringing it right out of him and back to reality.

Din used his grip on your hands to pull you a little closer - a moment later, he gently pressed the cold metal of his helmet to his forehead. It was the closest you'd ever been to him, even if it wasn't that close at all. You could hear his soft breathing through the modulator, the sensation acting as a stunning reminder that there was a person underneath there. There were times when you forgot, or felt a little disconnected from the idea entirely. You'd never felt the need to see his face, though - you hadn't a clue what he might look like, but at the same time, you had an image of him in your head. It was as clear as day; as bright as the suns on Tatooine and as persevering as the kid's insistence that he receive all your attention, all the time.

You knew what the action was; a Keldabe kiss. The Mandalorian had recounted its meaning to you not long after you'd met - he'd finally let his barriers down and let you plague him with questions about his culture and the creed, and you'd stumbled on the subject. Initially, you'd been entertained by the fact that it two such vastly different meanings. On one hand, it could be a headbutt. A beskar punch to knock the daylights out of anyone who particularly annoyed you. On the other hand, it was almost a romantic gesture; a way that Mandalorians could show their affection to one another without having to remove their armour.

Din had the latter meaning in mind, but also so much more. He was giving you a piece of his culture - including you in the very thing that defined him as a person.

"It won't happen again." The Mandalorian gently said. "I'll never let you get hurt again. I promise."

"I know." You softly smiled. Your eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the cool metal against your forehead. "For what it's worth, I have your back too."

He softly chuckled. "Thank you."

You gently pulled back, eyes meeting again (not that you could tell).

"Seriously!" You said. "I can be a bad-ass."

"You can be a lot of things." Din replied. "You're one hell of a girl."

"And you're one hell of a Mandalorian."

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Meninas McAllon    / / /    Age:   1000+ years    / / /    Gender:   nonbinary woman Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives: (verse dependent) Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell Exact Location: again, verse dependent, but Silbern in general and then Squad 12th’s basement in her CFYOW verse... haven’t quite ironed out all the details of her post-canon AU beyond that it’s set in the Living World, though Group(s): Wandenreich, Shinigami (specifically Squad 12 and not by choice)

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?   By whom?:  Soul Society - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? - Did your muse any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: To Meninas, the Wandenreich are a means to an end; a way for her to be placed in a position where she might exact her revenge on Soul Society for the deaths of her parents during the original Quincy genocide 1000 years prior. In addition, being recruited into the Wandenreich also puts her in a closer position to Yhwach himself, whom she firmly believes is equally responsible for the deaths of her parents due to his ineptitude as a leader and “god”. She has no loyalty to Quincy as a race, and only greater purpose is to become the Strongest of all Quincy (not even particularly the “Strongest Quincy”, as she prefers her fists over traditional Quincy techniques). She is exclusively motivated by her own personal sense of justice, and will do whatever she must to attain it.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here: Soul Society is a corrupt government body that uses methods of fear, torture, and suppression to uphold their very self-serving ideals of justice. Already armed with this perception, Meninas also sees this firsthand while captive to Mayuri Kurotsuchi and must personally carry out such tactics firsthand. While she doesn’t in the fullest capacity know how to change Soul Society because the root of evil is much deeper than anyone would think, she believes that a number of practices and traditions and captains ought to be destroyed; torn out, root and stem. She also hates the nobility that control many of the policies and buy their way into the Gotei ranks. Those who fight and do the work have earned their place at the top, those who do nothing and hoard their wealth while watching those at the bottom suffer have no place in policy making, regulation, or enforcement.

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ? 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lover(s) / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): - her parents in that her original goal was to get revenge against yhwach and soul society for their roles in the Quincy genocide; she cannot remember their faces anymore, but its her memory that they existed at all that drives her actions - bazz-b in that she and him have an established partnership and plot to commit deicide together, and have been keeping this partnership going for the better part of the last 1000 years under the guise that they’re a very messy and very stupid pair of lovers with a loud and destructive relationship. a long time ago, she swore to help bring about the future of the world he envisioned, and her loyalty has not shaken. - the other femritters- giselle in particular being as young as she is, and meninas harbors a strong guilt for recruiting her into the wandenreich (despite being under orders from yhwach). though on the surface their relationship is rife with bickering and light-hearted contempt, she specifically tries to watch out for giselle. - the nobility (not for any particular race, just in general) as she despises those who claim dominion over the others due to circumstances of wealth or fortunate circumstance without actually doing anything to aid the suffering of those below

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: Most of Meninas’ thoughts are politic-focused, although this perhaps isn’t something she herself is aware of, if that makes sense. Most of her thoughts are “it seems to me that this is the way the world is, where it ought to be this other way and I will help to shape it in that image with my own two hands”. 

05.0. How do they feel in their current location, more: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  This goes for pretty much all locations/bases in her life after leaving her childhood home at the age of 12- she doesn’t regard anywhere as home as much as shelter. She doesn’t like Silbern, but grows used to it over time (hence the neutrality), but is miserable while trapped in Soul Society.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ? 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  She despises the class differences between the weird racist blood purity and nobility schemes of the Quincy to Nobility in any of its forms and greatly begrudges those of high noble status. While she does a good job at hiding this disdain while residing in Silbern and around large numbers of Quincy elite (in wealth and breeding), she resents most of them for what they are. Her young life was shaped by the perception of a person’s worth in the world ruled by pedigree and wealth, and she as a result that a person’s worth is dependent on how useful they are as a tool or object to others. She wants to live in a world where those currently at the bottom stand at the top, and those in power are beneath their feet. As far as plans, she’s spent her entire life living with the purpose of revenge, and acting as a tool or an object. Meninas struggles to reconcile this way of life with any dreams for living in any normal capacity.

07.0. Does your muse know about the original sin of soul society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Yhwach, Yamamoto, all of Soul Society 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation:  Frustrating as it is that she can’t force Yhwach to watch his loved ones die because she believes he lacks the capacity for feeling in that regard, she wants him to die quickly and without much thought. No power-stripping, no long drawn out torture, just something to end it all. Soul Society should be stripped of its powers to recognize the cruelty of their dominion and ideals imposed upon all realms.

09.0. Thoughts on the Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation: Regardless of how self-focused her goals may appear, she doesn’t want to create a world where more children have to go through what she did.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ?  10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which: Meninas is now and forever on Meninas’ side.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: discrimination based on real world (not manga world) issues like racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc shes not a good person but shes not a piece of shit 11.2. What does it NOT involve?: shes cool with murder, torture, manipulation, plotting to kill god. very much “the end justifies the means” for the sake of her ideals  

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: corrupt government that doesnt actually go out on the front lines and have no fucking idea what theyre talking about

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she hates rich people and also its their fault the world is the way it is

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: corrupt military upholding their own self serving ideals of justice and righteousness. its hubris that makes them call themselves “shinigami- death gods”. theyre not gods, theyre pathetic people in places of power

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  truly doesnt care

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  theyre shinigami AND hollows so extra disgusting

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  hollows are poisonous. she is not a fan

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the mission is cool, the culture and weird blood purity bullshit with noble lineage is fucked up. she only isn’t completely spiteful because being a quincy herself affords her more power to become stronger, and she loves her parents. overall, she doesnt feel the same loyalty to her kind that others do

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  cool that he wanted to revolutionize SS, lame that he relied on hollow power, lamer still that he lost. also, she doesnt like men who talk too much.

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she sees his ineptitude as a leader and failed god figure just as responsible for her parents’ deaths as soul society. his hubris as a god is just as deplorable as soul society’s itself, it just so happens hes the one who gave her more ability to get her revenge

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the daten already described him as disgusting, esp detailing his torture on subjects he found to be particularly interesting. Meninas especially hates him after becoming his prisoner in CFYOW following the war. he performed surgery on both her and candice, claiming to have filled their bodies with bombs in order to force them to comply. he took a special interest in the unique state of meninas’ body and muscle density, and as such, there are a number of other “experiments” she underwent at his hands. on top of her being forced to execute soul society’s “dirty work” at his behest in exchange for her life... she hates mayuri

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she thinks its disgusting that soul society relies so heavily on a child’s power to be a strong military force, even worse that the wandenreich and yhwach himself sought to take control of that power. despite this, she doesnt hesitate to attack him with the intent to kill for the sake of acheiving her own ideals, and shes also bothered by ichigos apparent blind faith in soul society (from her pov)

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she thinks the soul king is a testament to soul society and the nobility being disgusting and cruel. and thats all i got bc i still have to do 3 more of these for wildly different viewpoints and my brain is running low on juice

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: @zombiequincy thank u hela TAGGING: idk anyone whos wearing socks i tag u

🔥 villains. 🔥 the hellfire club 🔥the difference between naive and unintelligent characters

Welp, this all got STUPIDLY LONG and I’m really sorry. Under a cut because HUUUUUGE.

🔥 villains.There’s just been a robbery! All the jewels in the museum’s vault have been stolen! The culprits are….Sabretooth and Magneto!Yeah, that doesn’t sound right, does it? Thievery isn’t really something either of them do, they’re not bank robber or cat burglar types at all. And Magneto’s not a fan of Sabes to my memory, it’s unlikely he’d work with him unless it was essential to his ACTUAL goals…which this isn’t. But hey, they’re both bad guys, so they must do ALL the bad things! No matter what it is, it’s in-character if it’s evil or unlawful, right?This is the logic that I see running both often in fandom, and also sometimes with canon writers. There’s a mentality that if someone is villainous or bad in ONE way, then they must be villainous or bad in ALL ways. I think there’s always been this misunderstanding, as people do tend to think in black and white a lot, but I think it’s also increased with the rise of purity culture in Tumblr, where people/characters/works are All Good or All Bad, and if the bad guys aren’t depicted as 1000% heinously evil then it’s APOLOGISM. An example in RP would be that more than once I’d had people expect Fabian to be a racist. I can see why, given that he expresses sexism, classism, a bit of ableism, and disgust with physical mutations. But not only does he never express racism, he never expresses racism DESPITE AMPLE OPPORTUNITY. Think about it—his main antagonists are Magneto (Jewish) and Quicksilver (Jewish and Romani), he once personally fights Bishop (Black and Indigenous Australian) one on one, he’s on one team with Shinobi (half white, half Japanese), and his allies/underlings in the second-gen Acolytes included people who are African American, Moroccan (and Muslim-coded), and Inuit. And he never, ever, EVER even THOUGHT anything related to race (or religions that are usually implicitly tied to race) about ANY of them. Given how blatant his other prejudices are, I think he would very much let the reader KNOW if he were racist, anti-Semitic, etc. An example in canon…look, I’m sorry to bring up this dead horse again, but it is the best example that I presently have—Sebastian Shaw making the “women’s work” comment. As with Fabian, I get why it makes sense on the surface. He’s a powerful man, the proverbial rich old white guy, and he’s part of an organization where women walk around in lingerie as a general rule. It seems like it makes sense, it does, I grant that. But then if you actually look at his history…for 40 years of canon, he’s been allies and enemies with many powerful women, and never made a remark about their gender, never relegated lesser or menial tasks to them, never treated any of them differently as partners or foes, he actually never even flirts with any of them, be they opponents or partners in crime  (except that ONE issue when Emma is in Storm’s body and he kisses her…yeah that was a weird issue, why does a telepath need a gun to switch bodies?) Which is pretty unusual for a male Claremont villain. And he actually reacts with “I…see.” the one time a comrade makes a genuinely sexist remark. He doesn’t agree with him, he’s more like “wow ok I can’t believe he said that but I guess I’ll let it go since I want to recruit him” So, it’s actually VERY odd for him to suddenly say something like that, once you know the character. Especially since, like Fabian, he had TONS of opportunity in the past and he’s also not a character that most writers want to seem sympathetic or likeable. So it’s unlikely the writers were just trying to make him look good by playing down some secret sexist tendencies all this time or something. It’s more likely he just doesn’t have them BUT IS STILL A HORRIBLE PERSON! He just doesn’t need to be horrible in every way! Most people, even the MOST terrible, aren’t horrible in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.That’s also why I try to avoid having Fabian being too homophobic (beyond “I can convert lesbians”) or transphobic, despite the fact that I *could* justify it (since those things are very intertwined with sexism)—because he’s awful enough. Giving him additional bigotries just seems stupidly redundant and cheap. Especially since I think people actually hate a bigoted character more than they hate a murderer; like I feel like if Duggan ever graduates to Shaw making a racist or homophobic remark, I might have to close his blog, but it’s fine to have blogs for fictional serial killers. By the same token, a villain having good traits doesn’t somehow eliminate their bad ones, especially if the good and bad traits are unrelated to each other. A mass murderer supervillain is not “actually a good guy deep down” because he loves his family; it’s actually VERY common for even genocidal dictators to care for their own. Hell, not to go all Godwin, but Hitler was an animal-lover and had a beloved dog. You can certainly point to good traits to show that a villain isn’t ALL bad (which as I just said, I support) but not being “all bad” isn’t the same as “actually a good person and just misunderstood!” Like, Shaw being an egalitarian in a lot of regards or was good to Madelyne Pryor or loved his father, doesn’t change he’s a heartless, morally bankrupt monster who abused his son and sold out an entire oppressed species (his own, no less) for his own financial gain. Mystique is an incredibly complex character, far more so than Shaw, but her love for Destiny and Rogue and many of her other good points don’t change that she hunted down other mutants for the government, abused her human son for not being a mutant, has committed rape by deception numerous times (though I think that’s due to the writers not realizing that’s a thing), constantly tries to manipulate her daughter’s life and choices, and I’m pretty sure I recall an issue where she framed a guy for domestic abuse just for funsies?Basically, villains are people. They have individual different traits and beliefs and motives, and those things will drive them towards individual different types of villainy. One villain probably won’t do the same kind of villainy that another does. Likewise, someone being a shitty person in one way, or many ways, doesn’t mean they will be in ALL ways. Pointing this out isn’t the same thing as denying their flaws or defending them, but some people do do this and that’s wrong too. Nuance needs to be allowed for. Pointing out Shaw isn’t awful in every way doesn’t mean I think he’s a misunderstood woobie whose crimes should all be forgiven. Pointing out Mystique has done awful shit doesn’t mean I think she’s pure evil and all her complex points should be ignored. It just means I don’t think characters should be strawmanned by fans OR writers as paragons or demons, especially when it contradicts what canon has actually established (with the caveat that canon is dumb sometimes too, and also some characters canonically ARE one extreme or the other, but I’m talking about ones who AREN’T)🔥 the hellfire clubI’ll give two on this! One is “unpopular” just in the sense it’s not something I’ve ever heard anyone express, but I’ve never heard an opinion in opposition to it either. The other is “unpopular” in that it does directly contradict a popularly held opinion.The first is that I think it’s stupid that Grant Morrisson made The Hellfire Club into a strip club, and it’s stupid that writers since depicted it this way. The Hellfire Club is shown in the 80s and 90s as being, first and foremost, an elite social club for the wealthiest and most powerful people in society. It’s basically a big posh country club, and most of its members are just regular people. Super duper rich people, but still normal people, lots of old money and new money and big business owners and politicians and probably royalty/nobility. Most of what they’re doing is big fancy, stuffy galas and balls, that kind of thing. But under the surface, it’s hinted that there is indeed a much more sexual underside to it. The female staff wear very fetishy maid costumes, the female Inner Circles literally have dominatrix lingerie as their getups, and while we actually never see what goes on beyond the closed doors in the 80s, nor was anything directly stated, the hints are definitely there that it’s as libertine in the private rooms as they are prim and proper in the ballrooms. We don’t know WHAT exactly is happening, only that it’s dark and decadent and surely sexual in some kind of “abnormal” (read: kink shaming) way.And then it turns out it’s just a strip club where the dancers wear corsets? Really? REALLY? I’m sorry, you expect me to belief that these oh-so-forbidden and secretive sexual delights that are available only to the richest and most powerful people in the world are…a TITTY BAR WITH NO ACTUAL TITTIES EVEN OUT???? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! It’s so fucking juvenile! It feels like something a 13 year old made up while trying to come up with the mos edgy, shocking, “sexy” thing he could. It just…doesn’t work. It doesn’t work firstly because it completely took away the whole “upper class veneer” that is as much an essential part of the HFC as the sex. In fact, I think more so. Writers, artists, and fans all like to focus on ZOMG THE SEXY COSTUMES but thematically speaking, I think the fact it’s an elite organization exclusive to the super-wealthy is much more important; that should be what they’re really about as villains, but writers end up focusing way too much on the shock value of the kink, and that’s how you wind up with stuff like this. The second reason it doesn’t work is that…it isn’t even shocking. When what they were doing was kept hidden, the reader could imagine no limit of decadence and depravity. When it’s revealed, and revealed as something that’s frankly super and common and TAME (seriously, strip clubs aren’t edgy these days) that you can get anywhere else, you’re left wondering why exactly anyone gives a shit about being in the HFC if this is all it really is? We should NEVER get to see what the HFC patrons truly do in private, and we should definitely never get shown that it’s just watching a woman pole dance with Victorian underwear on. That doesn’t make the HFC look sexual, it makes them look like PRUDES!Honestly, I do actually love the sexy sinful decadent aspect, but it’s overtaken the “extremely rich and powerful people trying to rule the world from behind the scenes through political and economic manipulation” aspect (which is far more interesting and villainous) that I kind of wish sometimes they had been created without the kink or colonial cosplay aspects, and instead had just worn some 80s powersuits.Now, here’s the “unpopular as in contradicts the popular” opinion. I see the Hellfire Club described a lot, in canon and fandom, as an organization of powerful MEN, as a bunch of MEN who just want to control others, as a BOY’S club…but aside from Sebastian Shaw, all the most prominent and effective members of the Club have been women? I mean, think about it. The names most synonymous with “Hellfire Club” in fandom are Emma Frost, Selene, Jean Grey as Dark Phoenix, and Sebastian Shaw. Shaw’s the ONLY dude that really gets any focus from writers OR fans; the women are almost always utilized more by writers and remembered more by fans. Heck, in the London Branch of the Hellfire Club, NONE of the male members of the Inner Circle even got NAMES, while ALL the women did. Now, of course, individual women in an organization being successful in said organization and beloved by fans/writers, doesn’t mean the organization itself can’t also be sexist. And like most people, the disparity between the costumes of both the Inner Circle and the mere staff does lead me to believe that it was probably founded and run only by men originally, and I bet women probably weren’t even allowed in for a long time (especially given that it was established in the 1700s) But that’s my HEADCANON. That’s what I EXTRAPOLATE. But what’s actually on the page IN THE PRESENT is women that are on equal footing with men, or superior to them. They’re not just simply ALLOWED in the Inner Circle, they’ve been dominating it from the first appearance with Emma ruling it alongside Shaw over Leland and Pierce, and then Selene coming in to challenge Shaw and Emma (with Shaw being terrified of her) in a way that none of the other members (all male—Leland, Pierce, Von Roehm) could. Gender is never brought up by anyone, even the most despicable male HFC members like Donald Pierce. So while I believe it was founded by sexist men, the Inner Circle seems pretty egalitarian now.But of course, there’s the costumes. I absolutely think it’s a sexist setup that the men get to wear (super ugly) period cosplay while the women are in fetish lingerie. It seems to be the standard uniform, and the fact that they haven’t CHANGED it shows that there’s definitely still some sexism.Except…it doesn’t seem to be a rule in-universe that the women HAVE to wear them? We actually see female members of the HFC, such as Selene, wearing clothing other than that while hanging out there; there’s actually a scene wear Selene is wearing pants and a sleeveless turtleneck with gloves. Maddy also wears a lot of black leather when she’s a member, but it doesn’t look like the Hellfire Club ladies getup, it looks like all the other stuff she was wearing in the 90s. And when Selene, Emma, etc., AREN’T in the Hellfire Club…they often still dress exactly like that, or in a similiar manner. I think it’s pretty clear that no one is MAKING them wear the uniforms, they just LIKE them, they’re probably “encouraged but optional” or something like that. And Emma even has that WHOLE DAMN SPEECH about how this is her armor, how it empowers her, etc. That said, while I don’t think any other CHARACTERS are making these women dress like that, I do think the writers/artists are. If a real woman made the speech that Emma did, I’d be like “ok sure, you go girl, do what feels empowering for you”. But Emma ISN’T a real woman. Every word in her mouth in that panel is being put there by Chris Claremont, a horny man with a dominatrix fetish who is trying to justify it by selling it as feminist. That is what it is. But just because that’s the case on a meta level…on an in-universe level, no one makes these women dress like this, and that’s very evident, and while the way they’re treated by writers/artists is definitely affected by them being women, the way other characters, including the Hellfire Club men, treats them, isn’t. At least not til shitty recent stuff. (I’ve seen some people think SHAW made the women dress like that….yeah, sure, like he could make SELENE do anything? He’s completely afraid of her but somehow can make her wear something she doesn’t want? Emma and Selene dress like that no matter where they are and whether they’re presently HFC members or not, but somehow he’s making them do that? HOW DOES ANYONE GIVE THIS GUY THAT MUCH CREDIT?)Basically, I think people are TRYING to be feminist, but it often ends up feeling like SEXISM to me? Because it’s totally ignoring and erasing the power and agency that these women exert in this organization, and often even claiming that it’s actually the men who have all the control, when aside from Shaw it’s usually the ladies running the show. It just seems disrespectful to me. It’s like, as much as people are claiming to hate a lack of agency for female characters, they seem more comfortable with that idea than a situation where women actually HAD it. Maybe it’s because they’re villains, maybe it’s because the costumes really are distracting and unequal no matter how the writers try to justify it (again, I wish they’d just gone with business suits), but there seems to be an overall fandom determination to insist on women like Emma Frost and Selene as victims or simply accomplices to a greater (male) villain, rather than embracing them as the Top Tier Bad Bitches they were/are, and, again, that seems more sexist to me than not. But I worry people will think I’m sexist if I say that. But you know me, you know I LOVE agency for female characters, and how I rail against it when see them ACTUALLY lacking it in comics, so you know it’s not that. I think it’s just a part of the rise in purity culture that even “progressive” people would rather see a woman forced or coerced to be a victim than choose of her own volition to be a villain and be GOOD at it :/🔥the difference between naive and unintelligent charactersWell, firstly, obviously there IS a difference. Naivete is just a lack of experience or learned knowledge, neither of which has anything to do with intelligence. A naive character may make mistakes in a new situation based on their lack of knowledge about it, and that may LOOK stupid to those who have this knowledge, but it’s not the same thing. I think we can agree that, say, Tony Stark isn’t stupid, but if he had to navigate in the wilderness, he might do things that experienced hikers and campers and outdoors people know are SUPER BAD IDEAS. Because this isn’t something he knows about or has experience with.So, I think considering characters who are new to this world (as is common in comics—lots of people from other dimensions, planets, and times) as stupid because they don’t know a lot of things we take as a given, is erroneous. I think it’s pretty common for fandom to look at, say, Longshot or Thor, and deem them as basically being idiots because they’re not familiar with their new environments…when in fact, we’d all be acting the same if we wound up in Asgard or Mojoworld. Not that there’s not other reasons they can’t be idiots, but not knowing what a toaster is isn’t one of them.The big difference is that naivete is a temporary state, and I think both writers and fans forget that. The character’s naivete will gradually decrease as they learn more and more. So if you’re writing an Avengers fic where Thor has been on Earth for five years so far, he probably knows what a toaster is, can order normally at a restaurant, isn’t confused by normal sights like cars or traffic lights or computers, etc., but could still be confused if he went to a Midgardian country with very different cultural norms than the ones he’s learned in the United States. Likewise, I can keep Malcolm perpetually baffled by new worlds in RP since time is kinda wobbly here and can be static or move forward or back as we like, but if I were writing him in a linear story, he would have to learn along the way about the technology and norms of other worlds as he experiences them; if he didn’t learn, THEN he would be unintelligent, not just naive. If he touches a hot stove once because he didn’t know what it was, and it burns him, that’s naive. If he touches it twice to test if it does the same thing again, that’s curious and maybe even smart, despite looking stupid to others. If he keeps doing it every day by accident, then THAT’S an idiot. Also, even a naive character may still be able to deduce that certain things are bad ideas, dangerous, etc. For instance, let’s say my character is a normal everyday girl sucked into a fantasy realm. She doesn’t understand the language, and the people around her don’t look like anything humanoid, but when all of them go quiet and still when a larger, more decorated one enters, and they all give it a lot of space, she can probably deduce that this is someone of great importance, and she probably should do what the others are doing and not risk pissing it off. She may know nothing about these beings or their customs, but she still can use her powers of observation and common sense. It may end up being a TOTALLY wrong move—for instance, maybe newcomers are meant to come introduce themselves to the leader by touching them–but it was a good, sensible guess. Whereas if she’d just walked up to the being and given it a good swift kick, that’d be unintelligent to an almost unbelievable point, and no amount of “she’s just naive!” could excuse it.Oh yeah, and optimism doesn’t automatically equate to naivete either. To be honest, I think that extreme cynicism is just as naive in its own way as thinking everything is sunshine and daisies, and I’d like to see this explored more in fiction rather than the perpetual “happy positive people are dumb and naive and just don’t know better, whereas the grumpy cynics are always smarter and more experienced” that media is so fond of.TL;DR Not only is naivete not unintelligence, it also should be a temporary state. It’s definitely cute to watch a naive character stumble around their new experiences, but in gaining those experiences, they’re going to become less naive, and make few mistakes. Naive characters should also still be capable of acting in ways that are sensible, even if they end up being wrong for the new situation. And being positive doesn’t automatically equate naivete either, nor does negativity equate to the reverse (and can be naive in itself)

the great irony is that the brotherhood was founded specifically to prevent callous and lassie-faire use of nukes and superweapons against civilians as well as to protect technology so that it could be later used to help everyone. Like the first maxson was horrified when he learned the US government he was fighting for was committing war crimes and atrocities as well as experimenting on it's own people. and yet maxson has become that very force himself.

I definitely agree but I think it’s a bit more complicated than that.

Please don’t take this as hostile or condescending. I had a ton of fun writing and considering all this. Friendly discussions are fun :D I’ve been writing a lot on this topic lately so I got carried away. 

Of course I could be wrong or misinformed on some things (or all of em who knows!) I like to keep that in mind when talking about things.

I have my qualms with the BoS and they stretch back to Roger Maxson himself tbh. It’s always been a deeply flawed organization. I think any military organization has the potential to be very dangerous (and will arguably always be flawed to some degree.) especially when there are no other bodies of government to regulate it (post-apocalypse I mean). 

Military organizations are..their reasoning is usually based on (1) whats the best tactical decision to win (2) how to achieve said goal (3) what results in the least casualties even if it means causing casualties yourself (the trolley moral question come to life really) (4) It may be immoral but it will be worth it in the long run. The ends justify the means (5) how to maintain and control a powerful position 

“The Greater Good” 

Honestly that and “the ends justify the means” are some of the most dangerous ideas out there. Sometimes it’s necessary. 

extremely simplified ex since i don’t feel like writing an essay’s worth of moral dilemma shit - 

: If you can only save one: do you save one person or a group of people?

People have to use that everyday. Nurses, doctors, military organizations, anything that puts lives in other people’s hands.

but when taken too far and defended so righteously it becomes dangerous and can be used to “justify” all kinds of hateful rhetoric

Maxson is a strange mix of Lyons and some of the pure blooded old time-y BoS rhetoric. Jokes about nuke throwing robots aside and Maxson’s affinity for big weapons they aren’t killing civilians or experimenting on human beings as far as we know (synths that might be another matter)

that’s not a defense of course since they’re still deeply flawed and immoral in many ways (bigots) but I would argue that it’s more they went back to the older viewpoint where only THEY are allowed to have such weapons because they are the only ones responsible enough to use them (snort). Instead of regulating tech they’re back to hoarding it.

from what I’ve seen prior to Fo3 they’ve never really been involved in civilian life unless it benefits them in some way (trade for example) and otherwise they couldn’t care less since Tech > Human Life.

and you’re right that’s always been their thing. Confiscating and regulating tech so people can’t use it to fuck things up again. And that’s a noble goal at it’s core but the BoS twists it to suit its needs far too often. And goes about it terribly. For a long time it was tech > human life because lost lives are collateral damage and it’s all for “the greater good.”. They would eventually bring about technological change for all and such so *hand-waves casualties* it’ll be worth it..right?

that changed with Lyons in the capital wasteland when he abandoned what the rest of the BoS believed to be their main objective (getting tech) they cut off all support for that reason because they assumed he’d gone “native” by becoming too charitable

it’s not the norm for them to help civilians without an ulterior motive. The BoS is rarely altruistic in that way. But Lyons changed his little sector and was met with a lot of vitriol for it. Some of his own men left. Sadly while that’s the better and more moral standpoint they dug themselves into the ground due to a lack of soldiers, backup and supplies. (Plus the enclave and shit)

and I’m tentative to say this because I don’t want people to think I’m /defending Maxson/ cuz I’m not but he does keep with some of Lyons’ old ways.

while he went back to the tech hoarding he took with him Lyons’ thing for helping civilians (to some degree), allowing wastelanders into the BoS and also unfortunately took Lyons’ obsession with eradicating abominations. (Which in Lyons’ case was mostly super mutants but Maxson took it even further with synths and arguably took it to an extreme. 

However that bigotry was already in the BoS. He didn’t create it. He just very charismatic, in an extremely influential position and that combined with the BoS’ cultish motives creates an extremist organization. 

You know..I was thinking about it and the BoS has always treated ghouls pretty shitty tbh. They don’t outright attack non-ferals even in Fo4 but they certainly treat them like crap so it’s not surprising. There’s no change there from prior history to Fo4. 

And going by the facts we have,the BoS in Fo4 have never attacked non ferals unprovoked. Synths and super mutants yes. But not even completely? You can bring synths in the Prydwen itself and they bitch but they don’t shoot em down (Danse was a completely different story imo cuz they see him as a spy and traitor as well as a synth)

The shoot on sight policy doesn’t always seem to apply to non-hostiles. (Key word being doesn’t always since they do typically shoot synths on sight) Their vitriol and bigotry does but we haven’t seen them actually go about killing people of the Commonwealth that aren’t hostile. (Excluding some non-hostile synths) I might be wrong but despite their zealous rambling about abominations we haven’t seen them do anything like that have we? 

The institute and their synths being the exception since they are permanently labeled enemy since they’re at war with them in their mind. Which is why they try to make you destroy Arcadia (fucked up yes but they don’t seem to have a concept of not everyone on the other side of the war is the enemy..sigh)

The same goes for the Railroad…which I disagree with people who say they weren’t even a threat. If you help the Railroad you eventually go on to destroy the BoS. They are correct in assuming they could and will be a problem. While I don’t agree with their decision to kill them obviously..from a tactical standpoint it makes sense.

Loose ends can bring down an organization and they were covering all their bases to make sure all threats were neutralized. A very..callous move but tactically sound.

However the best idea for everyone would have been to compromise but noooo just blow up the other organizations (Looking at you too Desdemona and Father. I swear the three of them are all so..ughgfjgf.)

I mean why destroy all that knowledge they had?? A complete waste.

Imo the Minutemen are the Commonwealth’s best hope. 

The BoS could be a force for good but there would have to be significant change and I don’t see that happening anytime soon. That’s what’s rather tragic about the BoS to me? 

They could do SO MUCH good but..they don’t. They fuck shit up more and somehow convince themselves that they are saving the world. 

Maxson is.. this weird hybrid and the Wiki (which I know is dubious but I agree with this interpretation) describes as conflicted between the old BoS ways and Lyons’ more idealistic ideals.

he does care for the people of the commonwealth and they do send out squadrons to help civilians (its in the terminal entries somewhere. There are a surprising couple of entries that describe them helping civilians unprompted which is supposedly not the norm for old-school BoS)

Maxson is..weird lmfao. He cares but he seems to have no idea how to actually help others? Well, perhaps a better way of saying it is, he’s doing what he considers to be  “helping” 

While I’ll never ague Maxson isn’t a shitty person because he is. He’s a bigot. Duh. I will say he’s not 100% evil either. He’s not a psychopath like people try to claim.

He orders Cade to make mental health of his crew the biggest priority, seems reluctant to even send Ingram out because “we can’t lose you..I’m sorry.” Despite being told she would be more effective than other soldiers. And helps civilians even (but not at the expense of the BoS of course *snort* but another tactically sound decision or they would end up like Lyons..which I wonder is why he makes some of the decisions he makes..but that’s a different post) 

Maxson is..he’s impulsive and incredibly..zealous. He has an army at his command and the lives of millions in his hands. Which leads to a lot of “the ends justify the means” which has always been a BoS thing (a military thing actually) and it can quickly become very dangerous especially combined with bigotry.

that and the BoS considers casualties to be collateral damage and unavoidable

building a giant robot to throw nukes at the institute is..effective I suppose. It’s definitely going to destroy the enemy which is their #1 prerogative. It also puts them in a solid position of power and control since who’s going to challenge the people with a giant nuke throwing robot eh?

it’s..strange. But I think it comes down to “the BoS are the only ones who should he allowed to use this because we know how to use it” which is arrogant and..questionable but so is most the BoS’ rhetoric.

but jokes aside Maxson hasn’t gone on a rampage across the Commonwealth with it. Although I’m sure there was collateral damage but to them that’s necessary to complete the mission. Is it moral? No but I think that’s how they think.

actually we know there was collateral damage because of all the civilians in the institute. But for the sake of being fair they aren’t the only organization who orders you to kill everybody regardless of whether or not they were implicit in the creation of synths.

Maxson is extremely charismatic and passionate while also being from a long line of family that has been literally defied by the BoS. It’s not at all surprising that he’s got such an extremist following. He brought the organization back to its “original mission” in a lot of the soldier’s ideas and yet he still seemingly holds onto some of Lyons’ ideals..

I think that’s where the random comment from soldiers “Maxson may seem compassionate but I can assure you the institute will face his wrath” comes from

we the audience kind of go “….um what” but in their eyes he is compassionate because he’s not completely disregarding civilians and such. Which is compassionate to the BoS I guess lmao? It’s not the norm so that’s why they take notice

I think Maxson is very confused and unsure of what the fuck he’s doing. He’s conflicted. Throw a 20 year old in a leadership position? Not their brightest move no matter how talented he is.

He just..does things. Hell his brain isn’t even done developing lmodgdkofh. 

sadly his idea of helping people only applies to people who he sees as people (synths = Enemy to him. No gray area) and he’s..I think we can all agree he’s going about it the wrong way lmfao. But he is genuinely trying to help people and he’s genuine (Discovering voice files was awesome) when he says he cares and that’s super interesting to me. 

Because he’s doing the exact opposite in a lot of ways. 

I don’t see him as a war hungry psychopath as much as behaving in a complete and utter militaristic manner. Most wars are fought in the same manner “if we attack them first they can’t attack us-“ or “it’s the greater good!” but it’s..counterproductive and creates a cycle of war and death.

And maybe there is some hunger for battle. He’s a 20 year old soldier who thinks he’s gonna swoop in and save everyone. Battle and glory and all that. It’s a toxic view but not unusual for military organizations or warrior cultures. 

There’s also the fact that the BoS outright discourages (or bans) any sort of free thought. It’s in their tenants you must listen to your Elder without question. Obey your superiors without question. Don’t trust others that aren’t in the BoS.

It’s so cultish..but when you look at that you can see how they became so extreme. They aren’t exposed to new ideas, just the same ones again and again. Which is why letting Wastelanders in and interacting with the locals is actually a good thing.

Sadly that means nothing  if they don’t change other aspects of their organization, their mindsets, or actually allow people to have these discussions.

Anyway yeah Maxson doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing lfldhdfh.

Every villain is a hero in their own mind, eh? 

Even the US Army prior to the war thought they were doing good. But they weren’t. 

People who believe without a doubt they are doing good, that they can do no wrong, that the ends justify the means..are some of the most dangerous people in the world.

Anyway I have several posts in my drafts full of me discussing this shit so I’ll shut up now.

I just..it’s interesting to me. 

I wish Bethesda wouldn’t have dropped the ball on my Trash Man. He has so much potential and..this is probably my most controversial statement about him. I think there’s hope for him but certain things need to happen in order for change to occur. A lot of things. But god damn it I love a good, rough, messy storyline.

I Can’t Quit You

Anon Request: Hey! I was wondering if you could write an imagine for me where the reader goes to the red carpet with her boyfriend Seb, and she meets her first celeb crush Jake Gyllenhaal and Seb gets a bit jealous and uneasy, and the reader assures him that she loves him not Jake. Thank you!

Tags: @yourgayonlinemom, @broken-pieces, @bubblyanarocks3, @yessy2012

Dating Sebastian Stan came with a lot of perks: random butt slaps on one another, soft kisses for no reasons, forcing him to watch dorky crime documentaries, being forced to watch dorky space documentaries, playing with one another’s hair, and so much sass people sometimes think the couple was fighting when in reality they were too deep into their banter to recognize the world around them. In addition to the everyday things that made (Y/N) fall more  in love with Sebastian, there was also the fact that, even though she was so incredibly low maintenance, he still loved to spoil her and show her off to the world.

“Do we have to go,” she said softly while sitting on the edge of their hotel bed. Sebastian slowly walked toward her wearing his boxers and buttoning a longsleeve white dress shirt.

“You don’t have to,” he said while making his way toward his suitcase to find a pair of socks, “but I kind of do. Why? You don’t want to come to the red carpet event for Stronger?” (Y/N) pursed her lips as she considered her options, weighing the pros and cons in her head. Pros would include spending more time with Sebastian, paying respects to the victims of the Boston bombing, and potentially meeting Jake Gyllenhaal. Cons included possibly embarrassing Sebastian due to her not being used to attending these events, and potentially meeting Jake Gyllenhaal.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she admitted as Sebastian came her way and lowered himself beside her on their bed. “I just don’t want to look like a starstruck idiot,” she laughed.

“How could you ever look like an idiot?” he smiled across at her while placing an arm around her shoulders. Intentionally, she made a dorky face by crossing her eyes, raising her eyebrows, and sticking her tongue out at him. Unexpectedly, she felt his lips press against hers and his teeth clam down on her tongue. “Now we’re both idiots,” he laughed as she gasped at his quick actions.

“Fine,” she sighed and dramatically pulled herself from the bed and made her way to the closet to start getting dressed. She threw on the dress Sebastian had picked out. It was a smooth, dark green colored floor length gown that he though looked absolutely stunning on her. After she completed her hair and makeup, she exited the bathroom just as Sebastian put the finishing touches on his outfit. Their eyes met and each of their mouths curled into a smile.

“Ready love?” he asked while offering her his arm. She linked hers through his and leaned against him as they listened to their heels click against the floor and then the pavement as they paced toward the vehicle waiting for them.

Sebastian stepped out onto the red carpet first and the crowd roared at his entrance. Smiling, he offered a short wave before turning to the car and taking (Y/N)’s hand in his delicately as she rose from the car. Sebastian’s arm slid around (Y/N)’s waist and together, they strut down the aisle of the red carpet. Just as they were beginning to pose for a few photos, out of the corner of her eyes, (Y/N) spotted the star of the movie and both her pro and con of deciding to come tonight.

“Oh shit,” she muttered and tried to hide her face from the cameras.

“What?” Sebastian quickly asked. “You didn’t forget to unplug your curling iron again, did you?” (Y/N) shot her boyfriend a playful look, narrowing her eyes at him and flattening her lips.

“It’s a flat iron, and no,” she grumbled jokingly as they smiled for more photos and his hands lingered around her waist.

“Then what are you ‘oh shit’-ing about?”

“That’s Gyllen Jake...Jakenhaal...” Flustered, her cheeks quickly became a bright red and Sebastian laughed at her.

“Jake Gyllenhaal?” he questioned to which she quickly nodded her head and bit her lips. “You’re star struck!” he immediately started to tease.

“Shut up!” she snapped as they moved closer toward the actor she had admired throughout her life.

“Oh come on, (Y/N), you’re never the one to get starstruck, let me have my fun,” Sebastian pestered.

“I will let you have all the fun you want tonight so long as you shut up right now,” she grumbled as they made their way closer and closer to Jake as the crowd of people began flowing in that direction.

“Damn, someone must be desperate,” he teased. At his persistence, (Y/N) slipped her hand from his, showing him that she meant business and was done screwing around. “I’m sorry,” he instantly said with a laugh. “What’s the big deal, though? You’ve met tons of celebrities before today, why all of a sudden are you so bashful?” (Y/N) tried to think of a way to avoid explaining her longtime crush on Jake Gyllenhaal, but the regular reason was obsolete. Usually when someone asks about a weird crush on a celebrity, the easiest excuse is that the chances of ever meeting them are slim to none, let alone having the opportunity to talk to them, and then even less possible when considering whether or not they’d actually be romantically interested. Unfortunately, she couldn’t use this excuse on Sebastian because those rules/possibilities went out the window when they met. They met on accident, got to talking, fell into a mutual appreciation of the other’s weirdness, and called it love.

Sensing her uneasiness as they continued on their red carpet walk, he immediately realized the reason why she was panicking over Gyllenhaal. Her hand, which had slipped back into his, was clammy, she looked slightly paler than normal and had a strange death grip on his hand. Slowly, his laughter at her uneasiness turned into his own discomfort at the situation. He knew how passionate she was about things she cared about and it was because of that passion that he grew to know, appreciate, and love her. The thought of some other man being able to do the same destroyed him and he instantly directed her toward the theatre. 

Once inside, the pair sat together awaiting the rest of the viewers’ arrival as well as the cast’s. (Y/N) was both relieved and disappointed at Sebastian’s decision to go inside rather than mingle with the rest of the actors invited. This way she wouldn’t have to face the awkwardness of being introduced to one of her most favorite actors, but that means she would never be able to meet said favorite actor. Slowly, Sebastian’s hand slipped from hers and she folded her hands in her lap, anxiously looking over at the man beside her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, noticing his jaw tense slightly.

“Everything is fine,” he said shortly before turning to face her, offering a light smile in hopes she’d leave the subject alone.

“Seb, I know you’re lying to me,” she said softly as more people began to enter the theatre.

“Leave it alone, (Y/N). I’m fine,” he grumbled under his breath.

“Sebastian,” she sighed, “please tell me.”

“No,” she stated sharply. “I know I’m overreacting and if you leave it alone I’ll get over it quicker, okay?”

“Overreacting to what?” she asked softly.

“You’re little crush,” he snapped silently beside her ear. “I noticed.”

“Are you seriously jealous?” she asked in shock.

“I told you I was overreacting,” he huffed impatiently. “But yeah, I’m kind of jealous. You’ve probably liked him a lot longer than you’ve liked me--stop laughing!” (Y/N) couldn’t stop giggling into her boyfriend’s neck as it grew more and more red from his embarrassment and envy.

“Sebastian,” she laughed his name and stared directly at him, “look at me.” Upon her request his eyes fell into hers and he couldn’t help his anger any longer. He didn’t want to lose such a magnificent person in his life but he knew he was being ridiculous in his jealousy. “I love you more than I could possibly love any other human being. So what if I had a stupid celebrity crush when I was a kid, slash adolescent, slash young adult,” she laughed. “You’re so much more than a crush. You’re the real thing. You leave me in euphoria and ecstasy. You’re my addiction and do you know what?” her voice was so soft and tentative to his emotions. Her eyes were peering into his soul and his heart swelled with joy as her lips curled toward her ears in an adorable smile.

“What?” he asked gently, pretending to still be upset when in reality he was starting to fall for her all over again.

“I can’t quit you.” Sebastian instantly started laughing at her, put his arm around her shoulder, and pulled her against him. Both of his arms wrapped around her body as she leaned over the armrest. His lips pressed against the side of her head and he whispered into her eucalyptus smelling hair.

“I love you so much,” he laughed into her hair. “You always know how to make me smile.”

“Because I love you and I could never look at anyone the way I look at you,” she smiled while pressing her lips against his, feeling his scruff against her face. “Except maybe Bucky Barnes.” Sebastian rolled his eyes at her and smiled. “But don’t you ever think that you’re less important to me than you actually are.” As the rest of the viewers came in and the lights dimmed, Sebastian raised the armrest from between them and allowed (Y/N) to lean against his side.

“I won’t,” he promised, his voice soft through the beginning credits of the film, “but, just for future reference, there’s no one else on your celebrity sex list that I need to be cautious of, is there?”

“Come on babe, you’re my celebrity sex list,” she sultrily called, her hot breath grazing his neck as she whispered sweet nothings into his ear until a few angry viewers started to toss popcorn at the couple who had began to make out. 

Real Life: Why Am I Like This?

People raised on love see the world much differently than those who were raised on survival.

by Megan Brooke

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

I am all alone on yet another weekend. It’s mainly due to the fact that I have no money, and I’m trying to save, but another reason is that I dislike most people. I would rather be alone, because I don’t have to worry about anyone else except me.

My roommate is on a date right now as I type this. I’m glad for her! I hope it all works out and the guy ends up being a good one. Yet, I have no desire to find a partner, and I wonder why? I thought about this long and hard, because I live in this body and mind, so I want to try and understand. I think I’ve come to some conclusions…

Why should you care what conclusions I’ve come up with? Well, I think these reasons are universal to all types of people, especially my generation of millennials.

My parents were no role models. They did not have the loving relationship you see in movies. They fought all the time. My dad is an alcoholic. He has only been to rehab one time. I remember driving him there with my mom, my sister and my niece. I’ll never forget what the lady at the counter said after we checked him in, she said, “You actually have people who want to see you get better. People who brought you here to get well. Not many have that.” That stuck with me, because I knew it would be the only good thing to come of the entire situation. My dad was only sober for a couple months. He went back to drinking.

I remember the first time my parents fought. I was around three or four. I remember running to try and stop them, but my sister grabbed me and held me back. I remember struggling in her arms to get away, so that I could help my mom. She just held me tight with her face buried in my back as I watched my dad beat my mother. It’s also the moment I remember when my anger started to build up. And, my fear that one day he might kill her.

Growing up was very confusing. I always said that if my parents split up I was going with my dad, because my mother was weak. I was angry at her for letting someone hit her. I was angry that she put herself in that situation to be abused. I was angry at her for not fighting back. So, in my small mind, I thought that meant she was a failure and that my father was successful and superior. I wanted to live with him, because I wanted to be a fighter and superior. I wanted to be seen as someone who was not weak. I was a bully in elementary school. I pushed kids off the swings just because I wanted to. I was a little criminal mastermind, as well. I knew exactly how to get away with my crimes. I vandalized the girl’s bathroom and framed two other little girls for it, in which they got in trouble and I didn’t. I was only in second grade when that happened! I was smart. I was also very angry.

I love my dad. Strange, isn’t it? To love someone who hurts other people. Well, let me rephrase that… I love my sober dad. My father when he’s sober is great. He’s funny. He’s nice. I didn’t realize this until I was in sixth grade. It suddenly dawned on me that the reason I’m so confused about my feelings towards my father is because he is two different people rolled into one. I love sober dad, but I hate drunk dad. I would kid around with my dad and even laugh at his jokes, but then later that same day I was prying his arms off my mom and slamming him into the floor. You can see why growing up was very confusing.

I love my mom. I’m very protective over her. I remember the day she told me I should forgive my dad for everything he’s done, because his childhood was bad and that his mother never loved him. I started to see him in a new light, and I tried to analyze him and understand him in a psychological standpoint. What else could I do? It was the first clue in understanding why my father drank so much. I was a teenager at this point.

I was in my twenties when I helped take my father to rehab. After he completed the program, he gave me his journal that he kept during his time there. One of the things he had to do as part of the program was to write in a journal every day. So, he gave it to me after we brought him home and told me to read it. I did. I read it. I realized my dad was a great writer, but he had no clue. He had managed to write a compelling journal that felt like I was reading a novel. I was surprised more than anything. I gave it back to him after I was done and he asked me what I thought about it, in which I told him he was a great writer. He smiled, kissed me on the forehead and went into his room, where he lit a cigar and filled the room with smoke just how he likes it.

I stayed at my parents’ home until I was 29 years old. I would get made fun of by people who thought I was a loser for living with my parents for so long. They wondered why I wouldn’t go out and snag me a husband who could whisk me away to live in my own home and have kids. They said I was spoiled. They said I was weird. They said I was a quiet, shy girl. They said many things. And, I often wondered why I couldn’t propel myself out the door to get my own apartment. Why did I stay for so long? I’ve been thinking, and I think it was because I didn’t want to leave my mother alone with my father. I couldn’t protect her, if I was miles away.

My breaking point came when my father loaded a gun right in front of me with the intention of killing my niece, her boyfriend and my nephew. He was tired of them living under his roof and wanted them gone. My mom just stood in the kitchen trying to ignore her reality, while I’m yelling at my dad to put the gun up. He was drunk as usual. I finally walked toward him, and as I did, he stood up, swung around, pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger. I guess I’m lucky. But, I know that gun was loaded. I grabbed it and pointed it up at the ceiling, we struggled and I finally got it away from him. I told him to go to bed. I unloaded the gun and hid it, so he wouldn’t know where it was. My niece, her boyfriend, and my nephew were all laughing and having a good time in another room never knowing I just saved their lives. I could hear my mother crying in the kitchen as she stirred a pot of soup.

I told my dad if he ever tried something like that again, then I’d do something I might not regret. He said he was sorry, but I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night in a panic that the gun did go off and I’m actually dead. I know it’s silly, but I have PTSD from my childhood. I’ll wake up thinking I hear my mom and dad fighting again only to rush to my bedroom door realizing I don’t live at home anymore. I live in an apartment, so whenever I hear my neighbors’ muffled voices I instantly think it’s my parents fighting. I’m always ready to punch someone or fling them across the room, if I think they’re going to attack somebody. I’m always going through scenarios in my head trying to prepare my next move just in case something chaotic happens. It’s exhausting sometimes. I was the only one out of my siblings who my mother would call for when my dad would start his shit. I was the only one who would fight my dad and get him to stop. I was the only one who tried to understand him. I was the only one he let read his journal after he got out of rehab.

I think because my parents had a terrible go at marriage that I’m like I don’t see the appeal of it. I don’t want to be tied down to someone, because I value freedom too much. I’m not saying this goes for every single millennial out there, but as I’ve gotten to know people and hear their stories, it seems that marriage isn’t something that’s appealing to most people anymore. Commitment doesn’t seem appealing anymore. Most people would rather just hook up, do their own thing or try and rewrite what it means to be in a relationship. Now, what I mean by that is people are discovering new ways to be in a relationship, for example by being in an open relationship with their partner and finding other ways to be non-traditional. At this point in my life, I don’t even know what my type is anymore. Do I like guys with a dad bod or fit guys? Do I even like guys? Hell, I could be a lesbian! I don’t know what type of person would even match with me to where I’m like, oh yea, we make perfect sense. I can’t see myself as a housewife. I can’t see myself married. I think I’m going to be one of those women who never married and writes books for a living. And, yes, I’m going to own a cat. Sue me. Go ahead and make fun of me too. I’ve already heard it. It’s old news.

Another realization I’ve come to know is that I don’t disclose a lot of information about my life to many people. After my dad pulled a gun on me, I went to work the next day like nothing happened and had to hear my coworker complain about how his boyfriend didn’t cuddle him last night, so that must mean he is talking to someone else. I never invited any of my friends to come sleep over at my house. I don’t tell people my brother is in jail for nine years or that my dad was abusive towards my mom. I don’t tell people that my great grandpa got away with murder or that my papaw was a drug dealer. I just don’t talk about myself. And, that’s fine, because I don’t have to tell people about my family or my past. It’s mine. It’s not theirs to share. But, I don’t talk about myself in other areas too. I don’t tell people anything. I might just be too mysterious! Although, I think that might be a bad thing sometimes, because once everyone realizes I’m a good listener and they can tell me anything, then when I go to say something it falls on deaf ears. Maybe, everyone I know is full of themselves. That could be a possibility. Maybe, everyone I know is terrible at listening. That could be a possibility. I’m not sure, but I know if I ever do talk about myself or say something about myself, then they always forget. It’s happened to me multiple times where I’ll talk about something pertaining to myself that I’ve already discussed with the person and it’s like I’m telling them the story for the first time. I know I’ve already talked about it twice before, but they don’t remember it. Now, the comedian in me has some fun with this, because if I let something like that get me down, then all I’ll ever be is depressed. So, each time I tell the story I make up new details or over-exaggerate a little bit, because I know they’ve forgotten, why not make it fun? I might create a comedy skit out of the story they reacted to the most. As well, I’ve been shot at by my father, so I’ve experienced a lot worse than people not remembering something I’ve told them about myself. Ya know?

Where am I getting at with all this? Well, let me tell you… I got issues. I got baggage. Does anyone want to date me? I’m asking for myself.

No really, let’s be serious. Haha! I’m saying all this, because it’s real life. It’s my life. It’s all in the details. People have pasts. People have baggage, a lot more than others. Most millennials I’ve spoken to tell me stories about their own chaotic lives growing up. Most kids these days are being raised by their grandparents, because their parents are addicts or assholes. Everyone has experienced some shit. So, be kind and listen when they tell you their stories. It helps to talk about things for most people. For me, it helps me write comedy. Yea, I know I’m fucked up. But, I don’t let that stop me from living a good life. I used to, but not anymore. I learned that I had to re-raise myself, if that makes sense. I had to become the parent I always needed in my life. If the child surpasses the parent, then that’s okay, because sometimes that’s what it takes to live a better life.

Plus, by not disclosing too many details about my life out of habit, I feel that not many guys have the willpower to try and get to know me. I guess I’m too difficult or complicated…? I’m not easy in the sense that I want someone who wants to be around me because they enjoy my company, and not because they think if they hang out with me it will lead to sex. I have nothing against sluts or hoes. I think people should not slut shame. It’s just that I’m not one of them. I tried. I’m not cut out for the lifestyle. And, I’ve noticed that guys are kind of lazy, or at least all the ones I’ve spoken to via dating apps. They never try to pry into my life and ask the deep, meaningful questions. They only want to get to know me on the surface, while ignoring the true depth of my character. I hate leading the conversation constantly. It would be nice to find someone who knows how to have a conversation and who knows how to ask questions too. I only want to reveal my secrets to those who are worthy of knowing them. I guess this is why I’ll be single forever. Don’t worry. I’ve accepted my fate a long time ago. It was the first time I never received a dick pic, no one was sliding into my DMs and absolutely no Indian men were messaging me to ask if they could chat. Weeeeee!!

Anyway, I think I forgive my dad… sometimes, I’ll be like, sure, I forgive you and other times I’m like, nah, not feeling it today. My mom and dad still live with each other, but they haven’t fought in a while. Maybe, they stopped because I left. It was basically my way of saying grow the fuck up. I’m not your parent, you’re supposed to be mine. Now, I don’t know who needs to hear that today, but you are not their parent, they are supposed to be yours. Remember that.

I still talk to my dad and see him. I still love him. I still love my mother too. I no longer think my mother is weak. I no longer think my father is superior.

I am no longer a bully, that was just in elementary school. I’m actually a caring and loving person nowadays. And, those two girls I framed in second grade went on to get married and have kids. I mean, I looked them up on Facebook and they seem pretty happy, so…. good for them. See, I didn’t ruin their lives.

As of now, I’ll just be over here on Tinder, once again, wondering why I re-downloaded the app. Also, I’m going to call my mother and see how she’s doing.

Peace.