#sometimes I think ppl exaggerate her positivity
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“Mirabel would be the kinda girl to talk about how much she loves love and happiness”
mirabel when mariano talks about having so much love inside:
#sometimes I think ppl exaggerate her positivity#she really said oh this guys cringe#we love a hater#like she’s happy but not that happy guys#encanto#encanto disney#mirabel madrigal#disneys encanto#mariano guzman
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steve for the the character ask <3
1: sexuality headcanon: I received a message from god in 2016 when Steve appeared on my screen. the message was that he was bisexual. and I never doubt god's good word ! anyway I dont think Steve is particularly angsty about being bisexual? like I think he was always somewhat aware of his attraction to both but knew stepping outside of the box would be dangerous . tbhh I think he prefers women most of the time and it takes a minute for him to upgrade from hooking up with men to dating men. most of all he's kind of a slut <3 matching with robin he is also a bit gender weird ! mostly cool with being a hot guy but on some level she is also a hot girl. sometimes that level is sometimes a girl, sometimes it's always a girl . depends on what im feeling <3
2: otp: I do enjoy a good steddie thank u Eddie for being a canon male character that I can actually see Steve with <3 there's also this one omc...Henry Sinclair you will always be famous. sometimes I forget that ur not canon...in my head one of his more long term girlfriends/maybe wife?? in adulthood is this really cool and hot paramedic called Lucille <3 she was his boss lol
3: brotp: now I wonder....it's robin it's always robin . platonically married he'd carry her kids if he had the equipment for it and they are everything to each other ! also I desperately want stobickie to be a fun little trio in s5 pls happen <3 ofc there are many platonic relationships for Steve that I love, his brotherly relationship with dustin and max is so <3 and he's a lil mentor to Lucas and bullied by erica <3 in my heart he is also part of the Byers-Hopper clan, particularly a fatherly relationship with hopper. I WISH stoncy actually developed a strong friendship but maybe there's still a chance in s5. also. I will forever be intrigued by his friendship with Tommy and carol I know they got up to some insane shit
4: notp: harringrove mostly I just think Steve finds racism extremely unattractive . I'd say stancy but the truth is I kinda like them in a fail marriage way. nobody gets them tho
5: first headcanon that pops into my head: mommy issues Steve my beloved <3 I think steve's relationship with his mother ended up informing so many of his future relationships. specifically I see a sort of emotional incest between them where Steve ended up kind of playing the role of husband to his mom since his dad was away being a bad husband. obviously not a good situation for a kid to be in with their parent bc it robs them of being a kid. but basically this put Steve in a position of providing even to the point of hurting himself, which ended up opening him up to being vulnerable to codependent relationships. I think elements of codependency follow Steve in a lot of his relationships, especially can see it with his friendship to Tommy and carol, a little bit with Nancy, and also a bit with robin too (I tend to exaggerate it with robin bc I think its fun lol)
6: favorite line from this character: aaaah one of my favourite Steve moments is s2 Steve with the kids at the junkyard I love him <3 also he's so funny I can't just pick one line
7: one way in which I relate to this character: I also miss a lot of stuff when ppl are speaking auditory processing disorder my beloved <3
8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: nothing he's perfect and he's earnest and he's full of love
9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: problematic fave in the sense that he's done some problematic things but cinnamon roll because actually he's done nothing wrong ever
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Dear IVIg—I’m still thankful you’re an option but youuu suck.
🤞🏼If it doesn’t help the only other known option to help relieve Pain THAT WE KNOW OF (@Mom I want to make sure u saw how I phrased this b/c of confusion last time LOL) until something else is I guess figured out is to see my neurologist in Cincy Who spoke to Serena (Williams) for my migraines and finally have to do Botox which I believe might be her last option for me as well. I mean it is possible things in Life will not be healable and that’s just what I have to tell myself. I have to stay realistic and positive at the same time —some ppl might feel differently. That’s why I’ve told ppl to pls not tell me I’m going to heal or get better. It isn’t about the gesture, I know, and have thanked ppl for meaning well. But, we, you, research has no idea. Hope. You can Hope for me but it’s too hard to hear what might never happen. Now if it was strep—barring something really bad, yea. But similarly I can’t answer people when they ask me what I’m taking for it. Or if there is a cure. So, in my eyes look at it like any other disease that’s been researched w/o a cure for decades. And COVID is very very young. I think ab as old as one of my nephews, 5 yrs. so that means as I’m sure u have already figured out on your Own that’s all the research we got. So far my body doesn’t take to any of it. It doesn’t take to many medicines either. Like at all. And that being the hard Truth I’ve had to think about how much dueling with Meds and doctors I want to do. And I told Mom the other Day i may want to Stop trying things (wait.) b/c there is actually nothing else to do. No really. That is not me giving up. It’s stopping; knowing that for now this is what we have. I’ve exhausted what is known to possibly help and I’m exhausted trying until there’s something else. It is finally resting in the fact that I can rest in the fact knowing for now I can do it. But im exhausted and all u all R too! Again sounds dramatic and it is, but I will not be a Lab mouse or statistic or trial forever. I helped research for over 2 years. And somebody got LHC a week after me Who contributed to it too. And when I say nothing has helped. That is not a Gentry like exaggeration. It’s simply sadly true. I get pockets without Pain or a migraine bandaged w/ Tylenol. At first I didn’t have to swallow that. I was not this bad at first. And having almost Pain driven hallucinations some nights is all I need to experience to make that Choice.
So, I’m giving this IVIg a really Good “shot” and the Botox if needed and continue to try what we’re doing rn and then I will live knowing I can escape for a short period of time sometimes so not to take that for granted and I truly might be one of those ppl whose Family member stays on the back of the bulletin. They’re saturated with it. I remember being little at church drawing on that back page of the bulletin and wondering why ppl just stayed there forever. I thought it was a mistake or a running Tab idk. Didn’t get it. It’s not funny but yk. I just never—no kid, anyone holding to only shreds Left of innocence ever thinks it will be them, but there is so much more we will never see on the back of one for so many other things. I like those people.
Resting in rest could be Good. Any advice on how to do that?
PS Dad and Mom not many 70 yo’s can do what you’re doing to help so Cool your jets 🤣ツ . Let me count the ways. Later.
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(Me complaining/venting/kinda rambling)
"Once were out of theses, sell these"
Me: "Got it "
*we run out later. I continue as planned. *
"Why didn't you tell me that we were low on these?"
Me: "You said that... I was supposed to--"
"And where are these?"
Me: "Those are things I'd have to go pick up myself. Because some items cant be ordered in like others can. Like we discussed."
*still gets viewed like I'm screwing up.*
I'm following what I was told, & even doing more that my boss doesn't know I do. But when they see a list of things sent by another worker, they think I'm slacking. If you wanna let me go, do so. You'll see how things change & how quickly somebody else will get overwhelmed if in my position. And on top of that, sometimes I'm funtioning with a migraine that I should be sleeping off instead of somehow managing to form complete sentences. (I don't tell ppl I'm in pain sometimes because they view that as an excuse. And will ask why I haven't gotten it taken care of. I have medicine for it but the pain is pretty darn bad.) Then I was sick and not thinking straight for a few days and still did some parts of my job I could manage diring that.
I dont tell ppl in rl my problems cause I either get viewed as a liar, trying to gain sympathy, using an excuse, ect. I'm at the point I don't care anymore. I work behind the scenes so that other stuff my boss doesn't expect is done. And I make it work without cost for them. It's literally coming out of my pocket. Aint nobody els gonna do that for them. And I dont tell them what I do because I don't do it for praise. I do it cause I feel like it. That's it. The others my boss could trust left because it was too stressful working for her. I'm still here. But I'be been doing certian responsibilities on my own that I was helping to lessen for another who once had all the responsibility. Now its all me PLUS me having a second job, another job that requires me constantly being alerts of a machine, and then running errands for family and doing handyman work around town. Being at places for deliveries, and as I mentioned months ago, working even on my days off just to make sure everything is right/I also end up going to another job on my day off from another job. So I'm almost always working. When I'm not, I'm doing something for my parents like watching my little bro (he's a teen, but just being cautious of other ppl). And I push myself through difficult morning migraines, only to end my afternoons & evenings to be used for more work when I need to rest my mind and body from daily migraines.
To end this complaining... some comedy but also an exaggeration of how I feel.
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To Us, A Love Story Unwritten | Kuroo T., Miya A.
Hello!! Before you begin reading, THIS STORY IS A PART TWO to Redefining You , which I highly recommend you read first because a lot of things are connected! :D
Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue | Bonus
Synopsis: Time away from Tetsurou leads you to the serendipity that is Miya Atsumu.
Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou, You, Miya Atsumu
Genre/Warnings/Tags: None! Angst, HEALING, Hurt & Comfort, surfer!Atsumu, tattooed!Kuroo, Fluff
WC: 7600+
a/n: here’s a word dump of my feelings bcos i made an oopsie and projected real ppl in 2d characters again
*playlist if u want maximum feelies: Blue (Elina), Miles Apart (Nick Wilson)
-
The thought of healing didn’t cross your mind until some months later.
In the mornings after that morning, you stood in your balcony, leaning against the railing with a mug of coffee, your thoughts wandering. Sometimes you thought of what kind of coffee you liked, and other times you caught yourself wondering how Tetsurou moved through his six AMs. Morning thoughts were reserved for the things you prefer to keep out of your head during the day. Tetsurou, of course, had always been an exception. He somehow always flowed in your train of thought whether the numbers on your watch flashed 3am or 3pm.
Or now, you thought after taking a quick peek at the time in your phone, 6:19 AM; all you could think about was how sad his golden eyes looked against the black of Tokyo’s backdrop.
Tetsurou making his way into your thoughts has always how it’s been for almost a decade, and habits are a little hard to break. At least, that’s what you say to reason with yourself.
Thinking back to your words that night, the “I love you” just kind of slipped out. But you know you meant it. Shifting your wrist to the side, you studied the tattoo again, then closed your eyes to remember the expression on your best friend’s features.
You meant the I love you, you told yourself again. Towards yourself that was for sure; towards Tetsurou.
And that’s always going to be the case, taunted the voice in the back of your head.
After that night, Tetsurou had broken up with his long term girlfriend for good. Though he didn’t necessarily ruin himself over the breakup—there were changes.
He still texted you at odd hours to show you a video he thought was funny, still showed up to your apartment for movie nights, and more or less was still present. But it was during the particularly sentimental scenes in the movie where he’d choose to refill the popcorn or grab another soda, and you could see that his can was still half full. You noticing that Tetsurou always chose to pick the other boba shop that was on the other side of town never flew past you either. You knew that that was the shop he always used to take her after classes—so even seeing how his hands never failed to tighten against the steering wheel when the two of you would drive by, you always pretended not to notice. Even though four months had passed, you know that for him, the wound was still fresh.
And remembering how sad he looked that night, you couldn’t help yourself to feel for his pain. At the end of the day, weren’t you just two people who yearned for the love that couldn’t be yours?
So you sigh and take a sip of coffee from the mug; it had grown a little cold. The digital clock on your phone read 6:31 AM next to a text from Tetsurou asking if you had time for lunch later.
Replying a quick ‘yep. meet u at the usual :)’, did nothing for you trying to have a more productive day off today and thus the morning felt a little slower than normal, so you sigh. Again.
It was going to be one of those days.
-
Tetsurou always made it a point to look gorgeous. Was he trying? Probably not, but that son a bitch knew people gave him looks that lingered a bit too long to be considered just a passing glance. You nearly snort in laughter at the way he opens the door to the café a little too, for better words, extravagantly, and walk to you purposely taking his time because you could tell he felt the way the young mom sitting at the table near the counter was giving him the look.
Then again, you don’t blame her. You weren’t too far from her reaction, albeit you actually had the decency to not openly gawk at him. Tetsurou plopped down in the chair opposite from you and pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and propping them up the table before grabbing the menu from the middle of the table.
Already knowing your order, and his even though he still looks through the menu every time, you sit in your seat waiting for him to settle on the same thing he ordered the last time you ate there.
“Tetsu, why do you have to be so extra every time you see someone looking at you for more than three seconds?”
He cocked his head to the side and peeked at you from behind the menu, “Because I’m hot, tree.”
Though you rolled your eyes at the nickname, you still smiled at the familiar banter, “I still don’t get why you call me tree when you’re the literal beanpole in this friendship.”
“That’s rich coming from you, considering you told people you knew a talking rooster in highschool,” he deadpanned, but you knew he was on the edge of a chuckle from the way he emphasized his words.
“Hey,” you raised your arms up in defense, “people thought you were interesting that way so…”
Tetsurou set the menu down and rolled his eyes at your response as the waiter greeted the two of you. Before Tetsurou could open his mouth to say what he wanted, you spoke, “I’ll get the carbonara and he’ll get the tonkatsu ramen—“
“Oi-“ he interrupted from the side, still, you continued, “we’ll also get iced tea, extra sugar for him, and a little less for me.”
The waiter looked between the two of you waiting for Tetsurou to finish speaking but he only leans back huffing out a, “She’s right.”
You smirked. “You get the same thing every time.”
“Well what if I want something else one day?” he replied to which you rolled your eyes as a reply.
In between bites, Tetsurou looks up from his meal, “Any plans?”
You twirled the straw of your drink around the liquid and looked at him, “I was thinking of traveling somewhere. My boss is letting me take some time off, and season’s kind of slow, so might as well.”
He nods, and then points his chopsticks at you, sighing, “Oh to be young and employed with an employer who doesn’t want to kill you with work.”
“We’re literally seven months apart,” you deadpan.
He huffs in his seat and continues eating.
-
“Have you decided where you’re going?”
You look to your left at Tetsurou who’s facing you, no longer paying attention to the movie playing in the TV. Smoothing out the blanket on your lap, you sigh and tilt your head. “Kinda? I’m thinking somewhere warm. Kinda miss the sea.”
At this point the movie you two settled on a few hours ago had been completely forgotten, so you shift your body and face him. He offers you your third (or was it the fourth?) can of beer for that night, which you take and pop open immediately.
“(Y/n), can you even swim?” he laughs.
You glare at him from behind your drink. “I can go and look pretty in the beach while sipping my margaritas thank you very much.”
Tetsurou clinks his can against yours and leans back against the couch, shifting to a more comfortable position. When he finally settles, he positions his head in a way that’s still facing you.
Draping your legs across his lap, you rearrange the blanket so that it covers the both of you. You feel the weight of his hands leaning against your legs and then hear him speak, “How long are you gonna be gone?”
You shrug. “I don’t know, a month? Two months? Haven’t even got the ticket yet.”
He gives you a look you can’t decipher, and then his voice becomes a little quiet, “What if I want to go with you?”
“Tetsu, you know your job won’t let you off that long,” you reply.
He lets out an exaggerated sigh and pout at you, “You’re going to go and find a new surfer best friend who’ll buy you margaritas that flips his hair and you’ll forget about me.”
You chuckle. “Like that’s gonna happen.”
At this point the alcohol must have hit the both of you because you suddenly look at him, eyes soft in the way you usually would mask in the hours you were sober. He looks at you, equally as deep in the state of inebriation as you are because his eyes are as hazy as the slur in his tone when he says, “Nope! Because you looooove me (y/n).”
And he laughs at his own joke, tilting his head back to take another swig of beer. The comedic undertone flies past you anyway, because you fiddle with the edge of your sweater and sadly nod, “Yeah. I do”
In front of you, Tetsurou raises his hand, smiling, then hollers, “High five! Love you too.”
If it wasn’t for the liquid confidence, you would’ve laughed along to his joke and take another gulp of your beer to swallow the confession—but you’re four cans in and Tetsurou saying that he loves you too clouds the usual boundaries swimming in your head.
He doesn’t notice you when you take another heavy gulp from your can, or bite your lip afterwards, but he hears you when you say, “I do, you dumb fuck, I love you.”
And as soon as you say it, you feel him look at you. You choose to keep your head down. A few beats of silence passes before he speaks, “I know, (y/n),” he reaches forward to grab your hand, taking it into his. He traces the lining of the tattoo before continuing, “I know your tattoo story. And I’m still proud of-“
“I love you, Tetsurou,” you could almost wince at how loud it echoed in the silence, and the alcohol is still swimming in your system so you take another gulp hoping to dive deeper.
You feel him stop tracing the lines on your wrist so you take your hand back to your lap. He let the quiet envelop the room again before he spoke, and you could tell he was careful with his words.
“That time in the balcony, when you said you loved someone…” he trailed off so you look up and catch his stare. His eyes were still glassy; your head was still swimming, the rational thoughts further muffled by liquid confidence.
“I meant you,” you say, and try to fight the urge to break eye contact.
And because Tetsurou chooses to reply with a hushed ‘I’m sorry.’, you tell him ‘it’s okay, Tetsu.’ and retreat to your bedroom with a mumbled excuse of sleeping off a headache.
You lie in the dark with one hand over your eyes and sniffle quietly. You hear his “I’m sorry,” echo in the silence, but you try to ignore the thought at how immediate the apology was. He always had a habit of thinking about his answers in uncertain situations.
But you know him more than you give yourself credit for, you realize, so you shut your eyes and ignore the sting of the tears because you know. You’ve always known everything you felt for him had been on the unrequited side for the most part.
The certainty in his apology still hurt none the less.
--
That morning you wake up with a slight pound in your head and an empty apartment. At least he didn’t stick around, you thought, fully aware that the conversation afterwards would have most likely been too awkward to sit through.
Sighing as you rounded the corner to enter the kitchen, you paused in your track to look at the table where a plate of omurice lay in the middle next to a glass of sweet tea, the condensation still a little fresh on the glass.
Taking a seat and whispering a soft, “Itadakimasu”, you picked up the glass and took a sip. It didn’t taste as sweet as his.
Your eyes still stung, but you couldn’t help but smile at the taste. Looks like he remembers how you like your tea too.
-
After that night, there never really came a talk about where the two of you stood. Two days after the not so sober confession, Tetsurou showed up at your door with a bag of donuts demanding your company to picnic at this new spot he found recently. So you played along and pretended like nothing happened. The rational thoughts were back, your head no longer cloudy so this time, you laughed along with Tetsurou.
Though you could tell this time around his gaze towards you lingered a little longer, and he began to have moments where it looked like he was contemplating to start a conversation then ultimately deciding against it at the very last second. It was fine, though. You weren’t sure if you were ready to have that conversation just yet.
So the next few weeks flowed like how it always did. Movie nights, playful banters, small talk, and beer—only this time you never drank more than two.
“Have you decided where you’re going?” he asks.
“Yeah, there’s this island in the Philippines. Siargao. My flight’s next week. The place looks sunny enough, but I might hop around the other islands if I stay long enough,” you reply.
“Don’t drown,” he laughs, and sets his beer down. You turn your focus back to the movie after chuckling at his reply and ignore how he never picked up a third can this time. And unlike before, he didn’t ask if he could come along this time.
-
Tetsurou drops you off with a half hug and a request that you update him as often as you can.
After a final wave at the gate, you board the plane with a return ticket to Japan slotted for two months later down the year.
-
The island of Siargao is as beautiful as the pictures you always see on social media. Outside the unit you rented, was a stretch of untouched beach that was some ways from the main square of the city. And true to your words, for the first week of your arrival, you spent your days kicking the sand, lounging by the water and sipping on margaritas.
Tetsurou sent you multiple messages during the first few days, to which you replied through selfies with your margaritas. He’d send you a photo of himself rolling his eyes with the caption “off to work, because I have a job. Like some people.” , or something along similar lines.
You tried to think this wasn’t some random trip you took just because of Tetsurou. It had been a long time since you last took a vacation for yourself; work was lenient, you saved up enough, and frankly, you missed the beach. Tetsurou was just the icing on top of the cake that helped you make your decision, you rationalized.
Plus, you thought, this place is paradise.
And you held on to that thought because a few days later came the knock on your door at six in the morning that introduced you to the serendipity you never could have predicted. Your little summer serendipity came in the form of a six foot one, and totally ripped blonde named Miya Atsumu.
He knocked at your door asking if you knew any places that rented out surfboards and scooters. By the time he was at the third word of his sentence, you knew he was Japanese because of the accent that lingered after he spoke. By the fourth sentence, he smiled in a way that had his eyes crinkling. And by the end of the conversation, by whatever being possessed you in that moment, probably that extra margarita, you had agreed to go to the main square in the city with him.
Atsumu knocks on your door for the second time that day at five in the afternoon wearing a loose white button shirt and another eye crinkling smile. Dangling a set of keys in one hand he nodded behind him and said, “Ready to go? I got the scooter from the place you told me.”
This time, you voiced out your hesitation, “Ahh, it’s alright. You don’t have to get dinner for me tonight. I just happened to know a place.”
He smiles and blinks at you laughing, “Ya travelin’ alone?” You nod then he continues, “Same here. Might as well know someone in the area. Heard the food here’s good, so let’s go.”
You open your mouth to protest but he turns and walks towards his scooter so you huff and follow after him. He did have a point. You were going to be there for two months so might as well actually take the time to know some people.
-
After Atsumu helps you fasten the belt on the helmet, he tells you to ‘feel free to hold on to my waist if ya need to balance.’ and then backs to the main street. Your hands rest on his shoulders as he drives along a road parallel to the stretch of water on your far left. It must have been close to seven, you take note, because as you glance up the colors in the sky begin to blend into mellow hues of orange and red.
You look forward and glance at Atsumu’s reflection in the side mirror before briefly catching his eye. From the mirror, you could see an expression that was somewhere between a smirk and a smile.
“Ya like what ya see?” he yells over the wind.
You squeeze his shoulder, then lean closer saying, “Just drive. I’m not in the mood to die.”
He laughs over the holler of the open air and you can’t help but smile along to how his laugh lingers in the air.
Soon enough, the two of you settle into a restobar by the beach, one close enough to the water where you could ditch your flip flops and let your feet sink in the sand.
This has got to be the fifth margarita I’m drinking today, you think to yourself before taking a sip. Still good though, you inwardly snort. Atsumu sits across you from the table nursing his own choice of drink.
The atmosphere was nice, the live musician strumming his first song in the background. Then Atsumu speaks from across you, “So,” he begins, “How long ya stayin’?”
You fiddle with the straw of your drink, facing him, “Two months. You?”
He shrugs, “I don’t know yet. Off season and there’s not much to do back home, so might as well be bored somewhere a little more scenic.”
“Indefinite vacation,” you nod—impressed, “Must be hella loaded.”
He laughs again, “I’m comfortable.”
The silence envelops the two of you again, but as the musician begins another song, from the corner of your eye you see Atsumu listen, clap, and smile so you decide maybe befriending this stranger won’t be so bad after all.
The next night you head for go for drinks, Tetsurou messages you with a picture of him and Kenma in the car with a caption, “movie night minus the traitor who left the country >:((“ and you reply with your signature margarita selfie with Atsumu throwing a peace sign to your right. Tetsurou replies with a smiley face and you don’t hear from him for the rest of the night.
-
The next few weeks consisted of waking up shy of the sunrise and walks along the trail where the waves crept towards the sand. Atsumu liked to join you in the mornings, of course, the days he actually wakes up before ten AM. Some days you’d watch him peddle out into the water catching wave after wave as you sat in the sand, under a shade. You didn’t really go out into the water and preferred to just sit in the sun, so the times Atsumu would catch a break, he’d lay out a towel next to you and sit to talk.
He was talkative. Extremely talkative. But it was welcome, you suppose. He asked aimless questions during conversations. Conversations with him usually sounded like this: “(y/n)?” “Yep?” “Whadda ya think about riceballs?” “They’re…okay, I guess.” “Good to know.”
It was endearing, you suppose. Atsumu respected your boundaries and never pried, that fact was for sure. Though, he chose to fill in the beats of silence with little facts about his life. Over the course of the next month, in the moments you’d spend with Atsumu during the day, you’ve learned that he was playing for a professional volleyball team, he’s originally not from Tokyo, he tripped during a fan meeting, has a twin brother who’s darn good at cookin’ (he emphasized), and that his favorite food is fatty tuna. You don’t remember specifically asking, but he talks anyway you can’t bring yourself to mind one bit.
During the past month and some, Tetsurou sporadically texts you a greeting to which you reply to—but this time, it wasn’t until much, much later that you realize you didn’t think too much about the change of tone and much hastier conversations. You usually ended the phone call this time around, too.
Nearing the last few stretches of golden hour, Atsumu would routinely knock at your door and drag you out to walk around the beach only retreating to your respective units hours after the sunset.
It was during this one night where Atsumu sits you down and stars a small bonfire. He excused himself for a brief moment then came back with a Tupperware of what you assumed to be snacks, a blanket, and a hoodie which he lent you (that up to now you still haven’t returned). You smile as he takes his seat next to you, comfortable in his hoodie.
“So,” Atsumu breaks the silence, “how come yer runnin’ away for two months?”
“That’s kinda sudden,” you reply.
He knocks your shoulder with his lightly before speaking again, “You don’t have ta’ share if you don’t wanna.”
“No pressure,” he says again and his eyes crinkle at his smile so you press your shoulder against his and say, “I just wanted time for myself I guess.”
He nods, so you continue, “It’s nothing dramatic, really. For a big part of my life I just…lived according to how people placed me in their lives. I guess I just wanted the space where I had to make decisions from nothing if that even makes any sense.”
“Depends. How many margaritas did ya have today?” he jokes.
“Atsumu! You were with me the whole day, I haven’t even had one yet,” you laugh out.
“But I understand what ya’ mean. Yer all good, I just thought you were gonna say you were soul searchin’ cause of a boy that broke ya’ heart back home.”
You look at him and wince. “In a way, that was a factor as well.”
Half expecting a sympathetic reply, you find yourself rolling your eyes and laughing because Atsumu suddenly yells, “Bingo!” and flicks your forehead.
He faces you and holds his hands up, “Hey, we all got a reason to do stuff so I ain’t gonna judge ya’.”
You smile and lean against his shoulder because you know he’s sincere.
“Atsumu?” you call out.
“Yeah?” he replies as he turns his head looking at you.
The red of the flames flicker as a glassy reflection against the brown in his eyes and your thoughts become jumbled for a second.
“If I find out you’re here because you got dumped I’m never letting you live it down.”
His eyes crinkle along with his laugh and you find yourself missing the pools of brown, but the echo of his laugh resonates clear in your ears as compensation so you decide you’re satiated.
“I swear I just got bored back home!”
Atsumu spends the next few hours by telling you stories and giving you soft smiles, and you don’t notice the absence of Tetsurou’s message that night.
-
On the afternoon after some weeks more, Atsumu comes to you by knocking at your door at five in the afternoon (which doesn’t even surprise you at this point), demanding you put on swimwear because he was going to teach you how to swim. At first, you stare at him with a blank look—wherein he stares at you right back with equal intensity, so after some time, you sigh and shoo him out, telling him you’ll meet him outside after you get ready.
After tugging on some shorts and a bikini top, you walk outside and glance around looking for the telltale blonde of Atsumu’s head. It doesn’t really surprise you when you hear your name being hollered from some distance, so as you look to the direction of the water—you see Atsumu waving his arms wildly, already waist deep out in sea.
The water was warm, at least, and you carefully wade in the water towards Atsumu. He lets you grab his arms to help you find balance against the waves knocking against you.
“You know you’re going to fail if you try to teach me right?” you say.
“Just needed an excuse to get you in the water,” he chuckles.
You respond by splashing him with a handful of water. And somewhere in between splashes of water and playful banter, you find yourself wading chest deep into warm water, Atsumu’s arms acting as your anchor against the push and pull of the waves. The two of you stay like that for some time and you allow the woosh of the water and distant sounds of the children on shore fill the silence.
“Golden hour’s almost up, ‘Tsumu, we should go back.” you say after some time.
He stands behind you and leans down a bit, then surprises you as he wraps his arms around you, pulling your back to his chest. Your breath hitches, then his voice sounds low near your ear, “Look at the sky.”
And so you do. The sky in front of you lights itself in bursting shades of oranges, reds, and touches of violets. You turn your face to the side but stop because you see Atsumu staring at you, the expression on his face soft.
“Pretty, ain’t it?” his lips part to say, and you nod because you see licks of the sky’s painting reflected in the glassy brown pools of Atsumu’s eyes.
He blinks and smiles in a softer way that only the corners crinkle up, and you don’t notice how your hand eventually found its way to wrap around his because you’re gravitating towards him—face angling closer until you felt his lips press against your forehead.
“Did you know,” you begin, “when you feel deja vu that means the universe is telling you you’re going down the right path?”
Atsumu looks as you, “Does this feel familiar?”
“In a way,” you respond and smile.
Turning to face him, Atsumu’s hands cradle yours as he presses his lips towards the side of your lips, then back to the side of your head feeling him smiling into the kiss. “You’re somethin’ else, (y/n).”
You look at him wearing a smile mirroring his, “Something good I hope.”
It’s something good, you decide later that night as you settle in bed after dinner with Atsumu. The past few hours flew by in a mirage of good conversation, light hearted jokes and even more eye crinkling smiles from Atsumu.
Settling into the comforter, you grab your laptop just in time as Tetsurou’s face pops up on screen, requesting a video call. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you hit the accept button and wave hello as Tetsuou’s face appears on the screen. He holds a can of beer as a greeting and leans forward. His eyes look glassy.
“(Y/n)..” His voice trails off before slowly continuing, “—how are you?”
You don’t notice his tone from the high you’re still feeling from the day so you beam at him, “I’m good! Atsumu and I are really hitting it off! You’d love him Tetsu!”
He stares at you through the webcam and then he sighs deep. Finally catching a drift of the atmosphere he’s giving off, you watch him crack another beer open and slowly speak, “You okay? Did something happen?”
He sets the can down at the table in front of him and places his face in his hands. You notice the new ink around his forearms. “I miss you, (y/n).”
“I’ll be home next week, Tetsu,” you say
“I—“ he pauses to look up at you with glassy eyes, “I think we should give us a try.”
Your heart clenches. “Tetsurou, you’re drunk. We can talk when I get home.” He shakes his head, and his movement is a little sluggish, so you continue to speak before he could, “I saw the photo your ex posted earlier. You’re still not okay, Tetsu.”
He leans back to his chair with a little force, “And suddenly you are? After being in love with me for eight years, (y/n), you expect me to believe that you’re suddenly okay? Bullshit.”
Your face grimaces, and you feel anger bubble up, the emotion seeping into your words, “I don’t think you’re ever going to go away, Tetsurou. For years I watched you fall in and out of love with someone who was never me. I’m not suddenly okay but I accepted that this—“ you pause to gesture between the two of you, “—isn’t going to happen and I’m moving on. I watched you when you were at your happiest and I deserve that too, Tetsu. I deserve to be at my happiest whether it be by myself or with Atsu-“
“We can try, (y/n),” he cuts you off softly.
“But I don’t deserve someone who isn’t sure about me,” you reply.
And maybe it’s the liquid confidence that riles him up, but he suddenly straightens his back and looks at you with the same glare you stare at him with, “And are you sure about Atsumu? You told me none of us are saints, (y/n), you’re not better off than I am here.”
You open your mouth, but the silence remains; the atmosphere suddenly heavy.
Then Tetsurou slumps before he he speaks, “(Y/n), I—“
“It’s okay, Kuroo,” you watch as he winces at his surname, “It’s late and I really want to get some sleep. You should too. Take care.”
You catch the last second of him parting his lips at an attempt to reply before you promptly ended the call and shut off your laptop.
His words ring in your ear the entire night, and you think of Atsumu the entire night. You watch the second hand of the clock on your bedside table tick slowly. Your hand comes to rest against your eyes as you try to let sleep pull you in.
You think of Tetsurou who looked at you with glassy eyes that told you all the reasons why his heart was still hurting, then you think of Atsumu—of how the sunset looked better reflected in his eyes than it did painted across the sky.
“I really hope this is something good,” you echo your words from earlier as you let sleep finally succumb into slumber.
-
The night before your flight, Atsumu seats you outside for a bonfire, with the same blankets, snacks, and hoodie fitted around you. The first few hours he jokes about little stories that happened throughout his life and listens patiently when you’d share a snippet of yours.
At this point, you weren’t sure where the two of you stood. You look at him from the corner of your eye as he blows against an extremely burnt marshmallow before sheepishly offering the stick to you.
“When we’re back in Japan I’m lettin’ ya taste ‘Samu’s cookin’ to make up for this I swear.”
You lean your head against his arm and blow on the charred marshmallow, “Have you decided when you’re coming back?”
“Yes, but I’m not tellin ya,” Atsumu chuckles.
“What!” You exclaim, suddenly sitting up, “You already have a ticket?”
“That’s also a secret, doll.”
You sigh and move to lightly punch his shoulder, but instead, he catches your hand midway and envelops it in his own. Atsumu looks at the tattoo on your wrist peeking out, so tentatively, he pushes down the sleeve and looks at it.
“Baby’s breath means eternal love, right?” he asks, voice hushed.
“I’m surprised a big, buff, man like you knows,” you reply.
“Oi, big buff men can be sentimental too,” Atsumu quips.
“(Y/n),” he begins then looks at you in a way that suddenly has your stomach churning, “Should we give us a go at this?”
He asks the same question as Tetsurou did a few nights back and your head is swimming. Tetsurou’s words muddle the thoughts in your head as you turn to face Atsumu who is looking at you with eyes that always held the same softness that remained unchanged from two months ago.
Is this even fair for Atsumu? is the thought that you circle around.
“I don’t want to give you only half of me, ‘Tsumu,” you cradle his cheek in your palm and your heart stirs when he leans in.
“You’re too good for me,” you confess.
He closes his eyes and you find yourself missing the dancing specks of scarlet flames reflected in his orbs.
“You’re killin’ me, doll,” he sighs, his face still warm against your palm. Atsumu’s hand trails up and cups your hand that’s still flush against his cheek.
“Is this the part where we say we’re the right people who met at the wrong time?” he jokes quietly. Atsumu looks at you with a smile contrasting against the somber expression in his face, and you feel your heart clench.
Your thoughts momentarily flicker back to the night you talked to Tetsurou in your balcony some months ago and remember the feeling of déjà vu hinting that you were heading in the right direction with your decision.
Staring back at him, you look at your own reflection in darkened pools of brown and don’t feel déjà vu’s familiar push. Atsumu’s other hand trails up your face and his thumb rubs against your cheek. You stay silent when he sighs again and your heart clenches in the way that hurts, and your brain scrambles for a reason why.
Atsumu angles your hand in a way that lets him press a kiss to the tattoo on your wrist. “Hope ya heal in time, (y/n).”
You’re still quiet, thoughts still muddled as your rationality wrestles to string words to convey to Atsumu. “We can stay in contact, ‘Tsumu. I still want you to be in my life,” you slowly say.
“I don’t wanna be hurtin’ you while you’re still tryin’ to find yourself,” he says, and you nod. Déjà vu never comes and your heart still aches.
And your heart remains heavy as the two of you stand up to retreat for the night. Against the door of your room you look at him and press a kiss on his cheek. He smiles at you.
“Well, I guess,” you initiate, “see you around?”
He smiles and crosses the short distance between the two of you, then presses a chaste kiss on your forehead. “If the universe wills it, doll.”
The feeling of déjà vu is absent for the rest of the night.
-
After the first few days of your arrival back in Japan, you stay in your apartment cursing the winter. This particular winter was a little harsh for Tokyo and the sudden temperature change you needed to adjust to didn’t help with your traitor immune system. Kenma had waited for you at the arrival area of the airport instead of Tetsurou that day. Then again, you weren’t complaining—you didn’t have any plans to talk to him immediately after coming back home.
You didn’t need to report back to your job until the next week so the first few days, you loitered around your apartment mindlessly passing the time. Some mornings, you’d drag a chair by the balcony and sip your morning coffee. The snow accumulating on the rails and the gloomy morning light was a far cry from the little island you explored with Atsumu back in the Philippines, but your thoughts still ghosted around him from time to time.
The morning you left for the airport, he slept in, but that didn’t stop you from leaving a sticky note in his front door with your contact details neatly printed in the paper. Throughout your day, your eyes constantly flickered to sneak glimpses at your phone’s notification bar, but there was never an unknown number. So you sighed, and instead scrolled through the photos you managed to capture with him. The image of Atsumu stared back at you through the screen, expression beaming with unfiltered happiness and you find yourself smiling along every time.
A knock on your door one morning brings you out of your haze. Before you could look through the peep hole, another knock comes and then a voice, “Ah, (y/n), I think you’re home now,” your hand on the door knob loosens, “It’s Tetsurou. Can we please talk?”
You must have stayed quiet too long because he speaks again, “I got you donuts.”
And you sigh, because he’s right, the two of you need to talk. But you still tell yourself you’re only opening the door because it’s six in the morning and you can’t be bothered to make breakfast so the donuts are the only reason you’re letting him in.
-
Tetsurou sits on the opposite side of the dining table gripping the handle of his mug with one hand before he clears his throat and looks at you, “I’m sorry.”
“Tetsurou,” you begin, “You’re someone that I don’t think will ever leave my system.” His eyes are a little clearer now that you return his stare. “You’re still the person who grew up with me even if time difference existed you know. You’ve had so many roles in my life and that’s never going to change.”
He looks at you, suddenly looking like a teenager again. His golden eyes stare at you and gleam of something unspoken. “I think somewhere along the years I really did fall in love with you, (y/n). And it just sucks how we never met at the same page. I really do love you, (y/n).”
“Maybe in the next life, Tetsu,” you say suddenly choked up. “We both deserve-“
“A fresh start.” He cuts you off, smiling. “A fresh start.” You affirm.
Before you knew it, Tetsurou rolls his sleeve to his elbows and angles his arm showing you a small outline of the sun peeking out behind some buildings. You look at him just in time for his explanation, “It’s not as sentimental as your baby’s breath tattoo, but sunrises remind me of you.”
You feel your eyes water when you look at the amber of his eyes growing glassier, “You got a tattoo that reminds you of me?”
“You’ve always been a constant in my life, (y/n). I shared so many sunrises with you. And I mean it when I say that I want you to find what makes you happy.” He tells you as you smile and lean forward, tracing the lining of his tattoo. The moment feels a little like déjà vu that doesn’t disappear when Tetsurou speaking again, “I love you enough to realize that kind of happiness won’t be with me, (y/n).”
He looks at you and everything feels so familiar. You choke out a sob that sounded a little like a laugh and Tetsurou does the same.
“You’re never getting rid of me, you lunatic,” you say, and Tetsurou laughs—eyes glassy from the pricks of tears fighting to slide down his cheeks. “We’re okay, right?” He asks you. And you nod, because your heart constricts in a way that doesn’t hurt, the knot in your stomach gone and Tetsurou looking so beautiful from the morning light that filtered in feels so familiar.
“Always, Tetsu.”
And after some moments of comfortable silence, he looks to the window on his left saying, “So, surfer dude slash volleyball player, huh? I think you got a type going on, (y/n).”
You roll your eyes and finally grab a donut from the box. “Yeah.”
Tetsurou chuckles, “Tell me about him. He’s the first guy who makes you look dopey in love.” So you smile and look out the window thinking about the boy who spoke of the little moments and showed you worlds under the sun and feel your heart mellow to a gentle beat, “He’s something good.”
-
Atsumu’s number doesn’t show up on your phone for the next month, but you try to keep yourself from doing your own research, or as Tetsurou pointed out, stalking, for his presence in social media. If he didn’t want to be found, you’d just leave him to it.
Tetsurou sits across from you at the arrival gate in Haneda airport later that month, scrolling through his phone and mumbling curses because Bokuto, his friend, had told him the wrong time for his arrival and won’t be arriving until a few hours later. Instead of driving back home, wasting gas, and sitting through traffic, you suggest to pass the time at a café instead.
“I swear to god, (y/n), remind me to end my friendship with him the second he lands,” Tetsurou huffs from across you.
“You’re being dramatic again,” You roll your eyes, laughing.
“He’s gonna be here in a bit,” you pause and stand up, grabbing your phone, “I’ll go check the board so stay here.”
“Since you left your wallet here, I’m treating myself to another frapp, thanks (y/n)!” you hear him call from behind you, so you turn to flick him off as you keep walking.
-
Looking at the board above the gate, your eyes scan to look for information regarding Bokuto’s flight. Under said flight, you smile looking at SIARGAO listed within the board. Briefly, your thought wonders off to Atsumu; you hoped he was doing well.
A flow of people begin to trail out of the gate and into the lobby. Assuming that it must be from Bokuto’s flight, you stand on your tip toes from your little corner to look for the telltale monochromatic palette of his hair.
Grabbing your phone, you hastily press call to Tetsurou’s contact name, to which he answers with a drawled out “Heeelllloo?” along with an exaggerated slurp to the Frappuccino he bought with your card.
You open your mouth to tell him to come over, except that you don’t because standing a few meters in front of you is a familiar blonde.
From the phone in your ear, you hear Tetsurou call your name, so through the haze in your thoughts, you mumble a quick “Never mind.” and hang up. You don’t think Atsumu notices you just yet because he’s pulled his luggage to the side, a little closer to you this time, and pulled out his phone to what you could guess was him texting somebody.
You don’t speak for the first few beats of silence because, holy shit this is fanfiction material—is this actually happening? Eventually he pockets his phone and looks around, before his eyes spots you, who at this point, is still openly gawking at him some distance away.
Then three things happen in succession; first, Atsumu’s eyes widen, second, he blinks really fast, and then finally, third, cracks a smile.
And as soon as his smile pushes the crinkle in his eyes, you feel yourself release the breath you’ve unconsciously held in. He pushes his luggage with him as he walks towards you, hand held up in greeting and the smile still plastered wide on his face.
“Yo,” he says and your heart bursts with your reply that came out a little more breathless than you’d expected, “Hi.”
-
Tetsurou stands some distance away from the two of you, holding your wallet and his Frappuccino. He spots the blonde mop of head you’re staring at, really you should chill out (he thinks), and immediately recognizes his features as Miya Atsumu, the same guy who’s been a part of your daily margarita selfie for the two months you were in the Philippines.
The bedhead watches you walk towards Atsumu, and he to you before you both met somewhat in the middle, then looks at you, finding himself smile because of how happy you looked. He stands in his spot and can’t help but feel some sort of déjà vu as he stops himself from approaching the two of you. His heart, he realizes, clenches in a way that sort of hurts but sort of doesn’t, but because this is the first time looking at you with a smile so unabashed, he settles with the thought that because he loves you—you deserve nothing short of the happiness you’re feeling now.
And you can’t help but feel the same as Atsumu laughs out a comment about how the universe must really want the two of you together. His arms circle your figure after exchanging a few pleasantries and inside jokes and you smile into the crook of his neck.
“This feels a little like that déjà vu thing ya talked about before, ya know.” He mumbles. And for the brief moment you see Tetsurou’s text on the screen of your phone reading, “whipped.”, you laugh in a way that has you feeling dizzy and light. You feel like you could cry when Atsumu kisses the side of your head, because this moment feels so familiar.
Atsumu feels so familiar. So when you break the embrace and look at the reflection of your watering eyes in the warm pools of his, more than ever, you were sure that this is exactly where the gods meant for you to be.
-
a/n: *i’m aware there’s no direct flight from haneda/siargao but pls bear w me ;A;
proceed to Epilogue :D
#haikyuucreations#haikyuu#hq#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#haikyuu scenarios#haikyu scenarios#hq scenarios#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu imagine#hq imagine#hq imagines#haikyuu scenario#hq scenario#miya atsumu x reader#miya atsumu x you#atsumu x reader#miya atsumu fanfiction#kuroo tetsurou x reader#kuroo x reader#redefining you#kuroo tetsurou x you#atsumu imagines#atsumu scenarios#miya atsumu angst#miya atsumu fluff#kuroo tetsurou fluff#kuroo tetsurou angst#haikyuu au
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- ̗̀ NOW INTRODUCING: IVES ❝ IVY ❞ SERRANO !
( DANNA PAOLA, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER, SCORPIO, 24 ) I just spotted IVES “IVY” SERRANO at the beach today. Don’t you know them? They live down by the TOWERS and usually hang out with the RICH KIDS & MUSICIANS cliques. From what I’ve heard, they can be DECEITFUL, but they’re also ADAPTIVE. I always think of them when i hear LAST LAUGH - FLETCHER and tend to associate them with STRAWBERRY CHAMPAGNE, A FRESH SET OF STILETTO NAILS, AND RED LINGERIE. ( tay, she/her, 22, est )
full name: natalie rose serrano ives serrano
nicknames: ivy, poison ivy
faceclaim: danna paola
voiceclaim: lana del rey
birthday: november 1st, 1996
zodiac: scorpio sun, aries moon, gemini rising
sexuality: bisexual
occupation: influencer, instagram model, musician, scammer / thief
positive traits: effervescent, bold, creative, charismatic, coquettish, intuitive, ambitious, alluring, adventurous, perceptive
negative traits: cantankerous, deceitful, envious, manipulative, dramatic, stubborn, narcissistic, materialistic, reckless, quick-tempered
character inspos: maddy perez euphoria, jackie burkhart that 70’s show, blair waldorf gossip girl, margo hanson the magicians, every lana del rey song ever, lucrecia montesinos and cayetana pando elite, rosa diaz brooklyn nine nine, the entire rose family schitts creek, jen harding dead to me
- ̗̀♡ — › background !
the main thing u need to know about ivy is that she is lying ! always !! her real name isn’t even actually ivy smh
she was born NATALIE ROSE SERRANO, to two working class parents in new york city. she knew from a young age that she was just supposed to be rich and famous, and that something had gotten mixed up somewhere and she was put in the wrong life.
in high school she got a scholarship to a fancy private catholic school, and that’s where she started to hone her craft of manipulating rich people. she would befriend all of the richest bitches at school and take advantage of everything that came along with it: vacations to far away places, stays in the family’s cabins and lake houses, even designer clothes that her friends no longer wanted and would gift to her, thinking it was their idea all along
as she grew up and got better at getting what she wanted out of people, her entitled attitude only got worse, driving a wedge between her and her parents, who kept waiting for her to develop a work ethic and kept being disappointed. a few months after she graduated high school, on her 18th birthday, her parents kicked her out of the house and cut her off, hoping that it would force her to grow up and take on any responsibility
but that plan backfired for them, her parents underestimating how truly stubborn natalie was. the day after her 18th, she wandered into a local strip club and got a job, figuring it’d be the easiest and quickest way to get some cash, and she took to it naturally and actually really enjoyed stripping
she started to embody an entirely new persona that she had created for herself, dancing under the name POISON IVY and telling everyone she was a trust fund baby that had been cut off from her rich parents, needing to dance to supplement her income, and her lies just continued to spiral out of control until she almost started to believe it herself. she had never told anyone at the club her real name, not even the other strippers, just going by “ivy” for a while.
she had learned to weaponize the power she had over people by being pretty and charming, using her looks for absolute evil and doing whatever it took to get money—from straight up pickpocketing, to making men buy her expensive gifts, to blackmailing, to sugar babying, to getting patrons wasted and manipulating them into tipping her absurd amounts… she did it all, very quickly earning enough to live the life she had always dreamed of, that she felt she deserved for whatever twisted reason.
she started posting on instagram with the name poison ivy generally just flaunting her carefree, extravagant life, often exaggerating or down right lying just to really dazzle her quickly growing audience
as she started to go down the influencer route, she realized she needed to do something to hide the skeletons in her closet ( the fact that she didn’t actually come from money and was making far more than was normal for even the best of dancers, a couple of small possession / shoplifting charges, and just generally anything that could lead people to her real identity ) so she started to tell people her name was ives, fully taking on the new identity. she even went so far as to make some of the people that had been closest to her sign NDAs about her real identity, making sure that no one could sell info about her should her plan of being famous work out
she also moved out to california to run away from everyone in the city that was starting to catch on to what she was doing, basically doing all the same shit but now in a New Place.. this was about 3-4 years ago, so she’s been in sunhollow for a while now doing the whole influencer thing !!
and it did work out !! at first she was definitely buying followers/likes to boost her likelihood of brand sponsorships, but eventually she faked it until she made it and actually attained influencer status. she then used her newfound internet fame ( and some classic blackmailing ) to get herself a record deal
she also started sleeping around with pretty much any famous person she could, having very public relationships and breakups and scandals to keep her name in the press, which ultimately lead to more exposure/people following her, if only to see what she did next, which lead to even more sponsorships
eventually she stopped dancing and just focused on her influencing and more recently ( like... less than 6 months ago recently ) her music career. but she never stopped sugar babying and scamming rich stupid men, still very much using that as a means to keep up her lifestyle. she’s also done a few modeling things, but it’s mostly just like catalog work or being the face of a trendy campaign bc she’s way too short for the runway
she also recently made an only fans account bc she was bored one night and was mostly planning on posting once as a joke but then she made a bunch of money / got a bunch of subscribers and was like oh word ? i can do that ! so she will post on there from time to time but she’s not like… super serious about it ya know ? also her music label is big mad at her for it bc they’re like bUt yOuR rEpUtAtIoN and she’s like yeah.. but my bank account ? also it’s no secret she used to be a stripper so she rly just.. doesn’t give a fuck !
so basically she’s jus here making money being pretty and pulling a long ass scam on… everyone
- ̗̀♡ — › personality / headcannons !
she’s a real two faced bitch… she has perfected the art of becoming whoever she thinks other people want her to be, quickly adapting her personality to get whatever she wants
she’s usually pretty friendly actually, really charming and outgoing and just trying to have a good time
she has a pretty short temper tho and holds grudges like you wouldn’t believe, so once you’re on her bad side… good luck lol she is so ruthless
she’s like… deeply, deeply selfish and will always put herself first, but she’s so manipulative that she can make people do things that they think are their idea, but it’s really just something she planted in their head so it’s not always obvious
also very spoiled and will throw a mf fit if she doesn’t get her way or u say no to her
always going out !! always doing the most !! she’s the type to show up randomly at ur door at 8pm on a tuesday with a bottle of tequila and make u party with her whether u like it or not
she’s a lot smarter than she lets on sometimes, like she knows people expect her to be stupid and ditzy and shallow and she’ll let them underestimate her when it’s beneficial
always looks perfectly put together— her nails are always meticulously manicured, usually w stiletto shaped acrylics, and you’ll literally never see her outside her house without makeup and a perfectly composed outfit. it’s also a rare occasion that she’s not wearing at least six inch heels, trying to make up for bein so mf short ( she’s 5’3 )
she talks A Lot but is really good at saying a lot of words without actually saying anything, like you can be best friends with her for months and then just be like “i don’t actually know a single thing about her”
always up to no good and sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong !! she’s always got some sort of scheme going or getting in to some kind of drama
v much a hoe and v much proud of it, will sleep w just about anyone especially if she can get something out of it
also a serial dater !! she’s always hoping in and out of relationships and being rumored to be with a dozen people at once
most definitely calls paparazzi on herself, especially when she’s around other famous ppl but will never admit it
compulsive liar, she will literally lie about the dumbest things like she doesn’t even need a reason to lie she jus.. does
she has a luxury two bedroom apartment that she lives alone in ( one room is kinda a guest room but also mostly just a giant closet ) in the towers and the gag is she doesn’t even know how much her rent is bc one of her random sugar daddies pays her rent.. her power tbh
- ̗̀♡ — › wanted connections !
hookups / flings / one night stands / fwbs all that shit !!
exes on bad terms … gimme drama pls
enemies / ppl she’s stolen from maybe… she would definitely deny it and say they’re jus jealous of her or smth stupid but that could make the feud worse
party pals !! like i said she goes out a lot and always somehow manages to make new friends and drag them into her shenanigans
on again / off again exes… i want the Angst so bad..
shallow friendships / influencer friends like they play it up a lot for insta bc they both have a pretty big following but they dont really... like each other that much ?? like they definitely seem to be a lot closer than they really are
pr relationships this could be past or present !! in the same vein as the last one except they pretend to date ( or maybe just act like they’re gonna date but never actually do ?? like to fuel rumors )
unlikely friends !! like ppl who are nice and sweet and Pure, she could use a lil good energy in her life
situationship / flirtationship like they’re super flirty and maybe hook up a couple times but everyone assumes they’re dating or like gonna date but they’re jus vibing. bonus points if one or both of them actually has feelings but can’t tell if they’re just friends / casually hooking up or if it could turn into something more.. im a slut for some mutual pining !!
neighbors … mb they hate her for always being loud n throwing mini parties OR maybe they join in
mean girl rivalries !!
someone she’s taking advantage of / stealing from without them knowing .. oof
partner in crime !!!
one sided crushes or like someone she’s stringing along smh
sugar daddies mb 😇
someone to put her in her mf place JDKDKD like they call her out on her bs and are like “i see what ur doing bitch stay away from my friends” type thing
idk anything really !! gimme all the messy plots ok :~)
#hqclique.intro#this is so long i jus have so much to say abt my favorite evil demon <3#now to do mickeys .. which requires sm more rewriting .... pray for me#♡ — 𝐢𝐯𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨 › 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 .
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Manhwa List (2020) Part 11
Hi? How are you all? Hoping you’re all okayyy! It’s such a frustrating and maddening time right now for me but happy to share that i’m now an official adult!! (i just got regularized by my company) so it’s been 6 months of my adultlife and there’s a lot of expectations, challenges and stress and there’s also a lot of manhwas to recommend so on to the list!
The Spark in Your Eyes
Summary:
Erkin, a young pharmacist from the north, was orphaned from the war between the Northern Nations and Mormeratta. After making a name for himself in Mormeratta, he is summoned to treat a mysterious “master of the castle” whom no one has ever seen. He reluctantly agrees, hoping it will bring him one step closer to finding the infamous Witch of the Sun who killed his parents during the war. Little does he know, on his quest for vengeance, the witch may have been by his side all along. What will Erkin do when confronted by his sworn enemy turned friend?
THOUGHTS AND WHY READ THIS
- plot = 4/5
- art = 4.5/5 the fl’s eyes!!
- interesting
- i’m so looking forward to how things will unfold for them given the conflict
- ml is okay and i like that despite his gentleness he’s capable of having dark thoughts
- so far so good
- mc is beauty, mc is grace ~
- honestly she’s described as freaking strong so i wanna see her use her power!!
- overall, good read!
Painful, but Desirable
Summary:
Doyun Cha decides he isn’t looking for 'true love.' In fact, he wants a fake marriage. One fateful night, Hayeon, who's known him since their college club days, confesses to Doyun that she wants in on his passionless arrangement. The problem is... she has a long-time crush on him! Can she convince him to fall head over heels for her? Or will he catch wind of her hidden intentions?
THOUGHTS AND WHY READ THIS
- plot = 3.5/5 you know the feeling that you saw this plot/element in a drama/series before but you also wanna know how the author will play the element in her story?? that’s my feeling with this
- art = 4/5
- the mc is softie <3
- i dont feel the ml yet because of his ~personality~ but they are two dorks who obviously feels attracted with each other
- simple plot but would still haunt you with the what ifs especially if you have an experience with an unrequited love or just love in general
- overall, good read!
The First Night With the Duke
Summary:
A handsome, selfish noble falls for a beautiful, kind commoner -- at least, that’s how the story’s supposed to go. When an average college student wakes up as Ripley, an extra in her favorite romance novel, she resolves to enjoy the luxuries of her character’s status while watching the novel's plot unfold from the sidelines. However, her plans are soon derailed when she finds herself in bed with no other than Duke Zeronis, the novel’s hero! Dodging the villainess’ schemes, the Duke’s advances, and her own feelings, can Ripley keep the story on track and survive beyond the first night?
THOUGHTS AND WHY READ THIS
- plot = 4/5 makes me remember yunifer and ishid minus the ml is assertive in not a ishid way
- art = 4.5/5 this is the first manhwa i think that the manhwa resemble the novel art
- comedic gold
- mc kinda reminds me of latte without all the exaggerated meme faces
- so far so good
- ml is gel ver of claude according to some but papa claude is superior ok
- ml i sometimes like him, sometimes i dont
-overall, a good read!
Acquainted: Encounter Spin-Off
Summary:
What appeared to be a one-time encounter in Spain blossoms into romance when by-the-book CEO Jung Wooseok and free-thinking architect Han Yujin meet again in Korea. The two are drawn to each other, but there’s a catch: Yujin’s the winner of a high-profile architecture competition held by Wooseok’s company. When word gets out that these two are acquainted, will their love be able to survive the public’s scrutiny... and their families’ even harsher criticism?
THOUGHTS AND WHY READ THIS
- plot = 3/5
- art = 3.5/5
- ceo ml who isnt a jerk thank goodness
- the mc is a career woman
- hmm only 4 (or 5) chaps available so...
- so far it’s entertaining
- overall, an okay read ~
Positively Yours
Summary:
To Hee-won’s dismay, the BFF she crushed on and her other BFF are now dating! Seriously bummed, Hee-won decides to go wild just one time, and find solace with a handsome stranger. A very satisfying one night affair has now turned into more — she’s pregnant! Fate brings them together again, and now the regimented Doo-joon is determined to do the right thing and marry her. But they’re basically strangers! Except... their bodies have been very intimately acquainted. What’s this mother-to-be to do?
THOUGHTS AND WHY READ THIS
- plot = 4/5 simple but i still want to read this because of various reasons
- art = 4.5/5 i love the mc
- i love the mc bcause shes a strong independent woman amen
- fictional story that happens a lot in real life (the amount of ppl who disagrees with what she does to her body offends me)
- friends are true and raw in every sense of the word
- all characters are drawn nicelyyy
-unpopular opinion, i dont like the ml. he has redeeming qualities but his intention and all is shitty so it’s a no for me unless he changes his ways
- i know that there’s male leads that has his tendencies (kind of) aka reasons why i dont like him but i guess the reason why i feel strongly about this is because of where the story took place. the story is in a normal world, not isekai, not some story with magic but a normal place it probably doesnt make sense but that’s my take which looks like a rant now
-to conclude, this is one of the new manhwa that i’m looking forward updating
#Positively Yours#I Stole The Male Lead's First Night#I Want to Do It Even If It Hurts#Blinded by the Setting Sun#The First Night With the Duke#painful but desirable#manhwa#shoujo#fantasy#reynslist#Acquainted: Encounter Spin-Off#reyn.manhwarecs
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would love to know about some of kennys other offenses. please.
Boy howdy nonners, how long have ya got lol
Alright so I was never...A Fan, to begin with. I tolerated him even if I found him irritating in a lot of ways.
The real Problems I had w/ him started at the first press conference after he won the Heavyweight title; that night jericho won the Intercontinental and (fucking) elgin won the NEVER; kenny basically outright said that three (white) guys from Canada just "wanted it more" than the domestic roster. That he "never sees" the Japanese wrestlers at the gym, that they're "complacent" and that's why they were outshone. Everybody lost their minds. A good friend was trying to gently tell him "Bro you're better than this, you really should have chosen your words more carefully here because that could really, super be interpreted as racist"
And he directly responded RE "Please don't look for any 'hidden' racist meaning..." and basically doubled down, and then stood back & watched all his followers bully the shit out of my friend for like a week solid, for the crime of daring to question his choice of words. She didn't even call HIM a racist, just suggested he could maybe be more mindful when talking directly to western fans bc there's always been a miles-long racist streak in wrestling in general and him talking that way when so many ppl accept what he says as gospel wasn't helping.
There was the bodyshaming...that wasn’t a one-time thing, either, but I digress.
There was the absolute debacle when Meltzer got involved w/ an article RE after kenny left he had "visa problems" ...you have to walk that back to the press conference between Tana and kenny before WK (iirc) wherein kenny claimed he'd gotten his citizenship and felt like he was now "real Japanese." Which was...kinda yikes in and of itself, but after all that shook out and he took his ball and went home it transpired that it was a flat-out lie, and he'd actually gotten like, a permanent residency. Now: that meant, so long as he had a company sponsoring him he enter and leave Japan as he pleased w/ that paperwork. Only he quit NJPW. So they were no longer sponsoring him, but he was still trying to enter the country w/ this visa/status he had absolutely no claim to anymore because he gave it up when he no longer had that position w/ their company. This turned into a whole ridiculous conspiracy theory RE NJPW was somehow pulling strings to "get him banned from the country for ten years." The ten years figure was...actually how long he'd have to wait before reapplying for the status he lost, as was explained to me by someone who actually had some experience in the area. How much of that nonsense actually came from kenny’s own mouth right to Meltzer's ears? Hard to say, and it MAY have been a miscommunication that got printed as fact, but all Himself would say was a dramatic "Someday I'll tell you all about how my year was SO MUCH WORSE than rumoured." All he had to do was say 'Guys no I just ran into some red tape, NJPW has nothing to do with it' but instead he had to fuel the gossip of a mysterious, malicious conspiracy against him and cast the mean, cruel company who...let him leave when he quit...as the relentless villain bullying him out of the country. This sounds like an exaggeration but he did, actually, have some stupid video based on Undertale (I think?) made in which there was a knockoff Lion’s Mark literally playing the villain. It was...extremely embarrassing tbh. And he may even believe it, who knows? He may actually believe he was pushed out because he was a ~foreigner~ they refused to take seriously; his ego is big enough that I’d not be surprised.
Sometimes istg he even gaslights himself; I remember when he said Shinsuke "hasn't done anything compelling" since leaving for wwe (as though Shinsuke books himself lol)...but then before aew formed, but after he left NJPW, he kept claiming that if he went to wwe he'd be able to put on a seven-minute clinic every show, with the scraps of screentime they throw him...that everybody would be talking about him and only him, that he’d ‘enjoy’ the creative restrictions...as though he didn’t like, walk out on their developmental years ago because of all those restrictions :/
Just last year he was still bitching that Shinsuke never dropped the Intercontinental directly TO him, instead vacating it for a tournament. Because Shinsuke was "one of their guys," because he always has to have a Special Connection to everyone...as though when this man was about to take a huge step and start a new life, what everybody should really have been thinking about was "Gosh but what about kenny though, shouldn't he have had the distinction of beating him directly for it?" And notably that’s all he’s said about Shinsuke since he left. Never brings him up when ppl ask who he’d like to see in aedubya, nothing like that...so I mean, so much for special connections or respect lol. Respect only goes one way for him.
There was certainly the time he booked a convicted sex offender! For one of his lil pet shows. And when ppl called him on it he immediately got defensive and took issue with their "tone" and how they were ~judging him~ without having full information, and if they wanted him to respond politely they should speak kindly and politely to him first (again you’d think I’m exaggerating but that is actually what he said, try being kind and polite). It took maybe a day of fighting people on twitter before he acted like a fucking adult about that one, even if his sullen "apology" still came off like it had an unspoken "...even though I didn't do anything wrong personally" tacked on the end.
There was his fucking...infuriating white saviour complex RE how with him Steering the Ship NJPW would be unstoppable. There was his ludicrous claim that "Tanahashi's never done anything for international fans"...conveniently omitting that if it weren't for Tana, there wouldn't have been a company left to hire his skank ass, let alone one for there to be international fans OF. There was his wink wink nudge nudge way of trying to play both sides; acting Respectful and like a Good Guy when he gave comments in Japanese and essentially going "SIKE!" in english so the neckbeards knew he didn’t really think he wasn’t the only thing worth watching. He made a point of saying during that feud that if they dared put Tana over him the company would be "going backwards," and then made a point of saying he "Can't work under Tanahashi" as he left - a last cheap parting shot to make sure everybody knew who to 'blame' for him tragically leaving.
He straight up said the whole native roster should "thank me for their paycheques" because of course kenneth omegaman is the only one anyone is paying to see, no one else could possibly be interesting enough to tune in for, only him.
I remember when he was hilariously claiming that LIJ would never catch on for the western audience and Naito would never be popular here lol.
He bitches, somehow, simultaneously about not having been made leader of the bullet club soon enough (having to step aside for aj), and that "before the first Okada match" he was making more money from prowrestlingtees than he was from his contract (as though making him leader of the most visible western faction and essentially giving him a license to print money in the process somehow wasn't enough).
Like two years after he left he is still! Taking every chance he can get! To shit on NJPW. He and the fucking bucks were still shit-talking Harold, ffs, years after they left.
....I feel like Marge when Reverand Lovejoy was asking her to list grievances about Homer. He probably does blow his nose on towels and put them back in the cupboard, too, but only in other people’s houses :P
Anyway that’s off the top of my head.
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D&D ASK, UM ALL OF THEM??? All the 5s??? Tell me about Simon!!
5. do they follow a higher power? what are their thoughts on divinity?
well he’s a cleric, so yes. but apparently, his approach to things is...very jewish? like, sure, dian cecht is his patron so thats why hes allowed to cast spells but like. it was under duress (an invading party to simons home) and he didn't take it back when he went awol! you gave it to him! he can do what he wants with it now! while also being terrified that one day someone he cares about will need to be healed and dian cecht will finally say “i’ve had enough of this kid” and pull the plug on his magic.
its..... hard to explain, but its why he doesnt pray a lot. he wants to do good in this material world in his life but also fears caring too much bc of Past Trauma and doesnt find dian cecht to be the be-all/end-all of like... judgment? simon’s not good at orthodoxy and dian cecht being classified as a cult since theres so few followers i feel also impacts his approach to things. there are no grand temples he has to live up to, or priests to tell him to clean up his act.
15. do they trust their party? why or why not?
YES trauma bonding guys!! he really tried not to but living in a house with them and !! kept getting dragged into their problems they wanted to help that he knew he should help too but like Emotions Are Bad!!! CHUCKLE BROTHERS SIMON AND MISCHA AND MISCHAS PARENTS ADOPTING HIM AND YEAH HES READY TO RIDE OR DIE FOR THESE PEOPLE
altho sometimes he’s sus of jynarra’s ideas because way too many of them have resulted in her almost dying and Shes Not Allowed To Die, but when they’re good they’re really good
25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?
he’s not much of a storyteller tbh - too vulnerable. usually what you get out of him are things like ‘oh yeah when i was a kid (dumb childhood story here)’ or ‘yeah i knew a person who (some wild story with frat-boy vibes probably)’. just short things you might swap at a bar. he likes listening to those too, although not the overly exaggerated ones - people who tell those just want free drinks for how Cool and Awesome they are - but real stories of how you jerry-rigged a broken plow for planting season or on your wedding night your best man got so drunk he did a backflip off a second-story roof and still managed to land unharmed
35. which party member do they worry for?
he’s definitely closest to mischa (she understands the nuances of just having a quiet pint together) so when she gets hurt it’s like he has another little sister and ppl who hurt her are Not Allowed To Do That.
altho jynarra’s habit of eating strange plants with extreme repercussions has also nearly given him several heart attacks. his views on amaris have become much more positive, but she’s always seemed to be able to punch her way out of any issues that arise so she’s fine.
45. how do they hug people?
it depends on closeness - acquaintances might get a one-armed dude-bro side hug if they press, but high-level friends and family always get a solid squeeze whether it's a quick hug or a long bear hug. maybe he’s just a good hugger, maybe he’s reminding himself that you’re really there.
55. whose hand do they reach out for?
well as of the spooky ghost battle - mischa. must protecc her. petting the rats is also a good source of reassurance.
in his dreams (nightmares?) though, it’s dave.
65. what is holding them back?
(points at last sentence above) Take A Wild Fucking Guess. what tiefling haunts his dreams and his bottle? that he endangered his friends and gave up a piece of his lung for?
regret - guilt - shame: he’s... working through it. and he’s made good strides with his party’s help! but i don't think getting his lighter back was good for his recovery, at least in the short term.
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U guys wanna know what I think about that hell hotel show
I feel like twitter’s very tired of seeing ppl talk about Hazbin Hotel, so I putting my opinions on tumblr where they belong. I’m not a “professional critic” by any means, but I’ll try my best given what I know. And don’t worry, I’ll be incredibly nit-picky to suit the internet’s needs.
I’m gonna mainly focus on HH itself instead of Vivzie’s accusations because that's a WHOLE other can of worms to open.
During the time of me writing this, I haven’t watched any YT reviews, but I’ve read a few threads criticising the show, so take that as my social influence bias.
My ted talk is allllll below the cut. Enjoy~
Context:
My first exposure of Vivzie’s work was her “Die Young” animation that I came across around 2016. Instantly I fell in love with how “smooth” and lively her animation was, and especially the fact that it was hand drawn. Animation like that was extremely rare to come by (and still is) and seeing her execute it so well with such complexed characters was amazing to my fetus self.
A few years later and I see the first trailer for HH. I instantly went OH I RECOGNISE THAT STYLE AND THOSE CHARACTER TYPE DESIGNS and was looking forward to what it had to offer.
On “opening day” I watched the pilot ASAP to avoid my opinions from getting warped by all of the key-mash memes and post call-out bitching (literally the extremes of the HH opinion spectrum), and overall.....
I thought it was good.
Not ground breakingly amazing, not horrifically terrible, but charmingly good.
(Ok now it’s actual review time)
Animation Quality:
As a hand drawn animation that has the freedom to get creative with its shots, a lot of effort was clearly put into how everything moves (it definitely didn’t take any lazy flash puppet shortcuts for the main sections of the show) and I can appreciate that. However it tends to be... rather inconsistent, most likely due to the varying skill level of the animators on the project. It’ll be nice and smooth one minute, and then awkward and choppy the next which can make the viewing pretty confusing at times. I’ll be honest I found myself overlooking these inconsistencies due to the characters and backgrounds themselves being very visually engaging, especially considering how over designed some of them can be (which I applaud the team for handling cuz wow that must have been painful). However, the needle thin and exaggerated art style makes some things incredibly hard to look at. While it helps with adding fancy details, it hurts in catching peoples eyes in the right place.
It’s also chalk full of little details, visual gags, and references that are hilarious to look at if you have the luxury of pausing every two seconds (the news segment and Sir Pentious turf war w/ Angel and Cherri are good places to look). But I feel like these lil details were put in at the cost of some some continuity errors (Charlie not wearing her coat in one shot, and having it back on in the next, papers being blank, etc.) and lip-syncing issues which really shouldn’t be happening considering all of the detail they were able to put in. There are also some shots that have just SO MUCH detail put into them, only to be shown for less than a second. I get that’s the cost of animation sometimes, but save the detail for the shots that need it, because at that point you’re just causing the animators to waste their efforts.
However, I was surprised at how professional the soundtrack and editing was. Not one but THREE songs in this single episode was really surprising, and the variation and quality of each was great (as cringy as Charlie’s song is)
But overall, the production quality is surprisingly good for a project like this, the editing, sound effects, and sound track act like a cherry on top. Of course there are some noticeable drops in quality, but given time and a budget, it has enough chops to look like an actual show.
Writing:
As far as overarching plot goes, it seems like it’s going to be one of those procedural shows that tries to be serialised, but it’s a creative twist on hell and has an interesting premise to begin with. You can get really creative with seeing how you’d dive into getting redemption out of all of these seemingly lost causes, and I’m sure there are many people willing to know the backstories our main cast. As a pilot, it did it’s job of launching the plot very well, setting up the premise of the hotel and introducing characters in a very engaging way. I was legit really interested in each segment with who in introduced, and it didn’t feel like I was being overloaded with names to remember (which can be a problem for many medias and introductions). The cohesion between each scene is VERY smooth, and I genuinely enjoyed some of the cliché cuts/gags.
Unfortunately I can’t extend this interest to our main character. Charlie is one of the most generic tropes we’ve ever seen. She’s a boring Disney princess who has a “cute happy positive goal to change her world” and the only thing that would make her more generic is if she wore a dress and cried “I’m tired of being so privileged”.
(Although it’s impossible to tell, I honestly think Viv is just projecting through her, especially considering how horrifically accurate the hotel’s opening mirrors the internet’s reaction to the pilot itself)
I would be more forgiving if she was a supporting character or someone less important, but she’s the freaking protagonist, arguably the character that has to be the most interesting. Angel’s personality seems to be “flirty porn star”, and while that’s just as bad as being a boring Disney princess, at least he gets a few jokes and has a profession more interesting than Charlie’s. Around the end of the pilot he just seems like he’s getting involved because Viv likes giving him attention. If he’s supposed to be leeching off of the hotel, wouldn’t not care if it survives or not?
(There’s that whole stereotype issue that everyone keeps bringing up, but I genuinely think that’s BS because people are blatantly ignoring the fact that Angel is a porn star, Vaggie is portrayed as helpful, and that the show takes place in H E double hokey sticks.)
The transitions may be smooth, but the dialogue pacing can get really awkward at times. This paired with the animation sometimes having awkward quality drops makes some movements incredibly jagged, and has some detailed shots show for incredibly unbalanced screen time as mentioned before.
I don’t have enough to give voice acting it’s own section so I’m just popping it down here:
The voice acting is legitimately better than several big name projects I know. It’s consistent, great at expressing the character’s mood properly, and each voice fits each character perfectly. My only gripes are that Alastor and Sir Pentious tend to grain on you after awhile due to them keeping a single tone for too long.
Character Design: AKA the only thing I have legitimate experience with.
First thing’s first. The characters are WAY too over designed. There are so many markings and accessories that are incredibly unnecessary. I think the mindset for these characters was “the more complicated and attractive the better”, which makes them look like they’re designed by an edgy tumblr artist (heck I fall for this too some times).
Especially if a character is going to be animated, you have to keep in mind the value of simplicity. You absolutely don’t have to fill in your character with markings and trinkets to make them look unique, I mean just look at the gen 1 pokemon starters. Thanks to the limitations of the game, the sprites were forced to be simple, and it was that simplicity that made them such unique and varied creatures. You can tell Blastoise is a bulky water blasting turtle just with a quick glance.
Many of the characters suffer from over complication, but I’ll look at Husk for example. He has these stripes all over him that do not contribute to who he’s supposed to be at all, and only look like they’re added to make him more unique. The markings that DO help are the little card suite marks on his wings, because those at least infer he’s linked to a casino/gambling type of theme. I would say his outfit helps as well, but formal wear and bowties are worn way to often by the main characters, which brings me to another problem.
They may look different, but they feel way too similar. From the same skinny body type, to generic head shapes, to outfits, the focus characters just don’t stand out amongst each other. Even the ones with interesting features still suffer from feeling generic. I’d say Sir Pentious is a good example of this. He has a serpentine/naga body and clever hair style that make his concept really creative, but his skinny body type, complicated eyes all over his tail, and generic “young but supposed to be at least middle aged” face just push him back into obscurity. He’s even wearing the SAME outfit as Alastor (who's an even worse offender of that generic face problem), and unless Viv has some plan to link the two, I’d say the characters need to stop using a dress code.
A successful character design can to tell you who the character is just by looking at them. You should be able to tell if a character’s personality, function, age, the universe they belong in, and if they’re important or not, and that’s a big problem when it comes to the background characters. If you pause on one of the extras for a minute you can see all of the effort put into designing them, and that takes away so much attention from the main cast. Not only that, but they have actual variations in their body types and outfits, which makes them more intriguing than who we’re supposed to be interested in.
Regardless, this pilot has potential, and if they can get someone to comb out the flaws, you can end up with something good. No one can deny a legitimate animation was made here, and the team successfully executed the start of a story, and that’s something anyone can look up to.
TLDR: The pilot is good. It has some major flaws, but it has potential to be a good show.
If you actually read this far epstein didn’t kill himself.
#I'm only doing this cuz i wanna draw angel dust and i feel like I have to justify myself before ppl start calling me mean things#Fan art is coming ;)#hazbin hotel#HH is good yall just have a mob mentality#critique
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I know you like both Dib and Gaz but what do you think of people who say Gaz is evil and abusive? I will say she can be downright mean.
My short answer is I get the perception of Gaz as Evil bc she does a lot of mean stuff, but I don’t think she’s abusive because 1) she’s a little kid who’s going through the horrible ordeal of Living In The Invader Zim Universe and 2) Gaz & Dib’s sibling relationship reads more to me like regular sibling drama but dialed up to 11 because, again, they live in the Invader Zim Universe
vvv My long answer (ie. explanation) vvv
One important thing to talk abt right off the bat is that Gaz is definitely a mean, angry little kid. But also everyone on this show is mean and nasty, they live in hell land. So judging her morality has to come from a place of understanding that she acts on emotions that are greatly exaggerated for the purposes of dark comedy. Dib interrupts her drawing a cartoon pig? She must Poltergeist Turn Her Head 360 Degrees To Demonstrate Her Frustration
Personally, I don’t think you could call her abusive in the context of the show. She’s mean to Dib, but Gaz isn’t in the position to really restrain or restrict Dib in any meaningful capacity. Dib talks about his plans freely with her, and their back n forth is pretty free from Dib being scared to be around her - at least any more so than any other person is scared of her due to her general aura as the Goth Gamer Child. In fact, Dib seems to be less scared of her than other ppl, to the point where he underestimates her ability to handle herself sometimes (Gaz Taster of Pork)
She’s sabotaged some of his plans, I can think of Battle Dib off the top of my head. But in the end a lot of these prolonged (ie episode worthy) situations evolve into conflict because Dib was ignoring that he was bothering Gaz in the first place (like how she messes w/him in the Battle Dib episode because he straight up stole her food without thinking about it).
Though this next bit isn’t technically canon, Dib even admits in one of the comics that he ignores Gaz’s desire to be left alone sometimes, and that he should be more thoughtful about her personal space. In the comic and the show, Dib can be mean too - at times he basically uses her as a lab rat & a rubber ducky to bounce ideas off of.
It’s a back n forth - they’re both antagonistic toward each other, albeit in different ways. Ultimately I’ve always read their relationship as very strained, but in the same way that your relationship with someone would be strained if you’re both stuck in the same awful place for years and don’t really share any interests. It’s like a roadtrip with no destination.
They do also seem to care about each other in some capacity, Gaz acknowledging that Dib should continue his paranormal research/fighting with Zim because things feel wrong otherwise (scrapped episode, Moppiness of Doom), and Dib tries to look out for her, thinking of her as a “sidekick”.
I think things would get better between them once they wouldn’t have to live with each other anymore, which is out of their control atm.So Gaz just sort of puts up with him, because they’re siblings living in the same house and also children who still have a lot of growing up to do.
#abuse tw#ask to tag#sarasks#unclejellyfish#i focused on her connection 2 dib cause thats who she interacts with the most#being a foil to his passion by being totally apathetic#and i assume that's what you were referring to with this question
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Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet
PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here! I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)
EP 1:
- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing. ok. alright. cool. Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.
- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon. just saying.
- kari: this is my fault...
me: god damn it shut up you little brat
also me: god relatable
ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get
- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like. They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)
- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY
EP 2:
- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality. I don’t feel real right now
- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish. This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.
- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)
EP 3:
- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids. What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them
- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him. I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet. No seriously, look:
I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is. Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry
- ordinemon has the best reaction faces
the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one. They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.
- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like
she did kinda like. Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed. The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it. Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now
EP 4:
- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened
- Cant believe mei is fucking dead
EP 5:
- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me. alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible. Fucking extra ass bitch
- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details
Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected. Was very invested during it. ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out. Where are the 02 kids. You should’ve brought them in to save the day. That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun. Fucking cowards.
god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps. Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M
DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK
anyways my problems:
1. They did joe. really dirty. I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development. He’s basically an entirely different person. Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe. He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.
2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE. The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back. They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei??? Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much. It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters. Whatever. AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk? This entire time??? Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends??? Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried. Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao. God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely. Would I have still been bitter? Yes. But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.
3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise. It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults. These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining. They do not work when placed into an adult setting. Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world? I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like. Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure. It doesn’t work. Digimon Tri is basically that except real. Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.
I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience. It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that. Like! Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL. Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life. I want bad puns and emotional characters. That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be. Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars. It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better. You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”
It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead. If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series. Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS. I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri? But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish. Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies. Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.
I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit. I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons. It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments. If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it. It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept. And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.
Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up. It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.
I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon. It raises interesting questions about the timeline too. We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project? (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over) But what about Diaboromon? I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well. Could Diaboromon still be out there too? It’s interesting.
However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction. Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...
Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil? Like ? That’s a pretty important thing. The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02. And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still. It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened) MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so. God there’s just. So much wrong with Tri. I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.
It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me. I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.
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All ES LIs for OTP asks. TY.
Hey, Anon! So, here you go:
Jake x MC:1. Neither of them is a fussy eater, but Jake’s the one to scrunch his nose when he doesn’t like the appearance of a certain food (he ends up trying it either way). 2. Both of them like convincing the other to hop in the shower with them because of them like the chase & the banter that comes with the convincing.3. Jake was a troublemaker so all the students knew about him & he likes to say that he was popular because of it (he wasn’t, most couldn’t stand him). MC was focused on her stuff & didn’t really care about being popular but she doesn’t lie about it. 4. Both of them thought that the other was experienced when they slept together & they were right (so the expected mind-blown was delivered).5. MC plays video games, but only when she’s with Diego, so Jake just has his arms around her waist, pulling her rather close and groaning about her not putting the controller down & paying attention to him.6. MC’s the one horny all the time.7. Jake’s the one who is sleepy & cuddly all the time, especially when he wakes up and MC teases him all the time about it because she never would’ve guessed that the tough pilot liked cuddling so much.8. MC’s the one who knocks on Jake’s door, especially when her dreams haunt her about the possible future (particularly the ones that involve Jake’s & Diego’s deaths).9. Neither of them is big animal lovers, MC just loves Furball & is set on keeping him (no matter how much Jake may whine about it).10. Both of them need persuading, but more MC than Jake.11. MC collects them, Jake thinks it’s dumb (but he doesn’t say it because it’s something that makes her happy & he won’t be the one to spoil her harmless fun).12. Jake loves provoking MC so that they have kinky sex (they have kinky sex most of the time, he just likes seeing her annoyed because he thinks it’s hot).13. Both of them are pretty vocal about their admiration for the other.14. Both of them have adorable sneezes.15. Jake wants to have sex everywhere, MC’s worried about being attacked while they’re having sex rather than getting caught by one of their friends.16. MC does, and she pretends not to because she knows she won’t hear the end of it if Jake catches her (and also he’ll gloat a lot).17. Jake secretly believes in astrology, and although MC loves to see an interest of his that doesn’t involve drinking or fighting, she’d much rather spend her time kissing him rather than hearing that Sean & him but heads all the time because their signs don’t usually get along.18. MC has super powers & Jake’s survival skills are wicked so both of them are surviving the apocalypse.19. Jake’s ticklish & MC’s the tickle-attacker.20. Jake’s the one to exaggerate but just because he’s too lazy to actually do anything, so he takes advantage of being sick so MC will do things for him.
Estela x MC:1. MC’s more of a fussy eater than Estela, so Estela (who eats just about anything) just eats whatever he doesn’t want from his food.2. MC’s the one who has to convince Estela to shower with him (sometimes he can, though not often).3. MC was kinda popular (& by that I mean he was a nice person & ppl just liked him & that’s about it) but he downplays it, Estela wasn’t popular but she doesn’t lie about it.4. Considering it was Estela’s first time, she was the one to blew MC’s mind away (he was already mind-blown, but when she confessed it was the first time she had sex his head exploded).5. Neither of them likes playing video games.6. Not all the time, but Estela’s the one who’s horny the most often.7. MC’s the one who’s sleepy all the time, but both of them are always up for cuddles.8. MC’s the one knocking on Estela’s door all the time.9. Estela would have all the pets she could, whereas MC would prefer to watch from a little distance unless we’re talking about Furball (not a big animal lover but he likes seeing Estela smile so he won’t say anything negative).10. MC’s the one that needs convincing.11. Estela collects shells because she continues a tradition she had with her mother, MC doesn’t think it’s dumb because of the reason behind it.12. Estela secretly likes pushing MC’s buttons so they can have kinky sex.13. MC’s always gushing about how badass Estela is, whereas Estela’s more quiet about it but she’ll make positive comments about him.14. MC’s sneeze is adorable, Estela’s isn’t.15. None of them wants to have sex in a public space, they prefer keeping things in their rooms.16. Neither does.17. Both of them believe in astrology, but MC’s the one who can’t shut up about it, or so it seems until Estela starts pressing kisses to his jaw & neck & he decides to shut up and reciprocate her attention.18. MC has super powers & Estela’s survival skills are wicked so both of them are surviving the apocalypse.19. Estela’s ticklish but not even MC knows because no one would dare tickle her (and she likes it that way).20. Neither of them exaggerated, but Estela tends to downplay it when she’s sick.
Sean x MC:1. Neither’s a picky eater.2. MC’s the one who has to convince Sean, but it doesn’t really take her much more than a question ending with a pretty please and a smile.3. MC’s the one to pretend she was popular (because she knows Sean was even if he doesn’t want to admit it), but Diego’s always popping his head and saying “no, you weren’t” thus not allowing her to lie.4. Both of them expected the other to be good but Sean had some extra tricks that MC wasn’t ready for, so she’s the one with the bigger (and better) surprise.5. Sean plays video games with Craig all the time (and occasionally with Diego as well), so MC’s the one who has her legs on his laps as he plays while she watches him.6. Both of them are horny all the time-7. Neither is.8. MC’s the one that tends to knock on Sean’s door, though he has done it as well a couple of times.9. MC only wants Furball around her (and maybe some of the colour changing kittens). Sean wouldn’t mind a couple more pets but he won’t press for more either.10. For someone who’s supposed to be an early owl (training & all of those things) Sean for sure needs persuading to get out of bed in the morning (headsup: morning sex promise if he’s up in less than a minute) (another headsup: he will be up).11. MC collects them & Sean points out if he sees one that’s particularly pretty or he thinks MC will like (he doesn’t think it’s dumb).12. Neither picks fights, they just tell the other they’re in the mood for kinky sex &, if the other is up for it (most of the time they’re), they have kinky sex.13. Both of them are pretty vocal about their admiration for the other.14. Both are ugly sneezers.15. MC wants to have sex in public places, Sean’s a little wary of getting caught but he tries to keep an open mind about the idea (they might do it a couple of times when MC’s sure that Sean feels comfortable).16. Sean likes smelling the perfume on her shirts but won’t admit out loud. 17. Sean believes in astrology, he sometimes points things out related to it but he isn’t always talking about it. Very rarely he might go on and on about it, which MC finds endearing but a bit boring (she doesn’t believe in it), so she always shuts him up with kisses.18. Both would survive (MC has super powers, Sean’s really smart + strong as fuck).19. Neither’s ticklish.20. Neither exaggerates.
#estela montoya#estela endless summer#mc x estela#estela x mc#sean gayle#sean endless summer#sean x mc#mc x sean#endless summer
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Life these days
Days these days.
I get less of the episodes.
Episodes - being triggered by anything that makes me reminisce the past & makes me extremely depressed. I stay away from my family & if needed to communicate, im extremely harsh & cold. Sometimes i keep getting flashbacks, & my mind is so busy.
Other times i am just sad for no reason. There are no clear triggers and my head is empty but i feel the same pain and interact with ppl i.e. my family the same. But at night, when i go to bed, or everyone else is asleep, i start crying out loudly! Almost all the time, I have no idea at all why im crying. I am totally clueless. But i cry loud enough to call it a scream & it pains just enough to shatter me into a billion tiny pieces. Very few of the times, there is actually something specific in my head that makes me cry out loud.
^ Yah all that.
That happens very less frequently now. Its been happening for 3 years now! But recently, and i mean veryyyyy recently like maybe within the past week or something, i am handling it way better. Its like i healed a bit. Although there is so much more of me to heal & i guess a little of me that will always remain broken.
There are many things i realized. And many things I witnessed.
One thing is how inhumane i have been with myself all these years. No one has tortured me more than I have done to myself. And i need to stop.
I realized how I am the one who gets tk decide ‘how much’ i am going to let any certain thing affect me. Yes. I get to decide that for myself. And the time has come, I need to let it not affect me at all. And i tried before too but this time i realized that i cant just sit and tell myself that from this moment nothings going to affect me & that will be it. No. It doesnt work that way!
I need to stand up for myself. I need to speak up for myself. And i need to fight back when needed.
Its like im in a battlefield & this is war.
Im on it on my own. No one will ever be able to help me. I need to be here for myself always.
To add to that, i realized that i seriously am on my own. I thought about it. There is no one i feel comfortable speaking to. The thing is, i have always been so aware of everything. Never let anyone see my weakness. Never trusted anyone. Never expected anything from anyone. I don’t let people in. I can not just certify someone as ‘close’. My family and him are the only ones who are close. But what i realized is, although I don’t talk to any of them about my problems, if i got a chance, i don’t think i ever really will be able to open up to any of them completely. With my family, well i think they’re close to me because of the blood. I mean my brothers, theyre still immature. My dad, well he lacks emotions. So nah id pass. And my mom.. Well, i dont think ill ever be able to be myself completely with her.. I just..idk i just feel like she’ll judge me.. I just dont want her to get any wrong idea of me as a person and sometimes we judge people way too fast. I am not that good at communicating face to face. ‘Speaking’.
I am much better at communicating when i get to sit and slowly write down what i have to say. And even worse, i dont even know to express myself in bangla. I mean even my duas when i pray to mg duas when im doing tawaf, its always in english. Thats what im comfortable using for communication so yeah. And with him, well i wasnt ever scared of him judging me. If speaking to my moms a 3/10 then speaking to him is a 9/10. But its just not 10.. That ‘1’ i missed out; there is still a fear of being judged.. More importantly, we dont talk now so its not an option anyways.
So i realized that im unsure Ill be able to completely open up to any of them because i feel like theyll start to think stuff, or theyll feel im just exaggerating it or theyll judge not me but the other people i talk about & mostly the people in my stories are these people who are close to me. I dont want anyone to think wrong of anyone else or anyone to get hurt listening to my feelings of how their involvement affected me.
So i realized that its safe to say I am in this on my own. I need to fight for myself. I also realized that I am more of a ‘cry baby’. I mean if i have problems i should just deal with it myself. Okay well thats what ive been trying to do all this time.
So many a times, i did get better, feel better. But then, out of the blue, there’s a flare up.
This time, inshaAllah, i hope there wont be.
Some things also happened recently, somethings i witnessed which im totally not sure about. Meaning, i dont know if theyll be saved in my head as something positive or negative. Ha ha ha. Yessss, thats the complexity of this whole shit matter. Theres an equal 50:50 chance of it being either one.but for now its positive for the bigger part with a pinch of negative that was there in the beginning.
If this wasnt me blogging but instead talking to him, id say thing 5 time more than whatever i just wrote down.
Life is fine right now Alhamdulillah. I get depressed very less often. Well i just wanted to point out that me being less depressed doesnt mean my lifes a party or im really really happy and all 24 7. Everyday is full of ups and downs and social media is mostly just for focusing on the ups.
But then nah, really, I mean deep inside my heart I am so thankful to Him. Theres this satisfaction; this firm belief that He will take care of me. He will help me and He will be their by my side always. And i need to stress on it that this belief in Him is really really really strong.
But that doesnt mean i dont stress. Cause man, i “over-stress”. I mean i need to do my part too. I need to do my best AND have faith in Him. But thaaaat is the thing. Whenever im ‘doing’ something, i just have to turn it into something stressful. Story of a perfectionist. Trust me its a burden.
Also, what brings the most calmness to my heart & at the same time also make me equally restless is how much i keep falling in love with him. More and more every second. I think of him all the time. I pray for him all the time.. And sometimes it feels so bad, i wish i could touch him.. And always, i find myself having no words to let it out.. But i take it as a good thing. I just worry though, always, of whether im doing something he wouldnt like. Its just not that obvious to me. I mean i hardly do anything ‘-’ but like i said, i overstress over every tiny thing so yeah.
So um, thats it.
P.S. also this post was a sudden decision and im having a bad headache so im not sure i was able to put things down nicely. I also didnt re read it but i just wanted to write down a general overview of how lifes been these days.
Its fine Alhamdulillah - had worse days. And praying for far better days inshaAllah ❤❤❤
I worry a lot about him though. I always keep thinking if everything is alright❤
tata for now :)
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Could you explain the sugilite thing? Genuinely curious bc I'm not fully understanding how her design is offensive :0
sure! it’s not so much like i see her and go “AHHH i’m offended,” more that there are some components of her design that make me immensely uncomfortable due to them being historically prevalent in more explicitly racist media (remember in a racist society, everything and everyone is racist to some degree) & are important to keep in mind. i’m gonna put this under a cut because it’s long and i’m sure not many ppl wanna read this haha
there are some articles on it i’ll link below, but basically wide set eyes are a common feature that’s overemphasized in racial caricatures of black and asian people to denote unintelligence. the exaggerated “v” shape of her open mouth is mirrored in old cartoon depictions of black people with minstrel-esque lips, so using that posing to connote “jolliness” when she talks was eerie to see after having been exposed to that. her arms are disproportionately long, with large hands, which is dehumanizing, especially on black characters where there’s an extensive history behind that, and she has been described by some articles as visually ape-like, which is a very common trope in racist depictions of black people (slurs at link) in cartoons and in general. also, her outfit is torn up, which happens a lot in depictions showing black people in particular as uncivilized or “savage.”
the idea of black people being “monstrous” is also an issue, which is why the many eyes and arms could be taken into consideration as well. why does she have to be the least humanoid of the fusions? maybe the show will more heavily address that, but it doesn’t really change anything for a young viewer imo, especially when blackness and stereotypical black features are often given to villains/evil characters/monsters in children’s media. monstrosity and cruelty being given to black coded characters is a huge issue with real life effects on even the youngest of kids https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkB0rm6odQI
http://womenwriteaboutcomics.com/2016/08/30/steven-universe-100-bismuth-undermined-by-racial-coding/ this article touches heavily on the implications of sugilite visually. there’s a lot mentioned that i actually think was intentional and meant to be subversions or may turn into subversion of harmful tropes. but, the concrete thing has been characterized by both crew members as a thoughtless error, and looking at how some characters on the show are handled, idk, errors could be more common. people are imperfect, sometimes with consequences.
https://medium.com/@dtwps/all-these-black-characters-and-0-done-right-how-steven-universe-fails-its-black-fanbase-part-i-81e0b0b8c3fe discusses how sugilite is written and characterized. the article contains dated language to refer to mixed race people, just a warning
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/4-tired-tropes-misogynoir/ this is an important read given how sugilite is characterized as brutish, etc.. and the fan response to her. also important to read up on the mammy and jezebel archetypes, the two most prevalent tropes black female characters are written with (often they are combined); this is something the crew 100% thinks about for every black coded character because it’s so pervasive and harmful, you can’t be a writer and somehow not be aware of it. su makes an effort to subvert them imo but typically actively avoids them
here are some resources on anti-black racial caricatures, i likely missed some stuff for this character but you can see for yourself
http://black-face.com/ minstrel shows featuring black people are technically considered representation. so this discusses literal blackface and the tropes that emerged with it, which persist to this day. these are the most basic visual and writing tropes from which most are derived, slurs and dated language at link
http://www.historyonthenet.com/authentichistory/diversity/african/ more common tropes and examples, slurs and lynching imagery visible for some
http://www.newsreel.org/nav/title.asp?tc=CN0026 i really recommend watching this clip, a preview of the documentary, for some imagery of how large black women were designed and animated. and also, the line “well into the middle of the 20th century, these were some of the most popular depictions of black americans” is not an exaggeration. this history is so important to keep in mind, especially because like. animation comes from this, everyone’s favorite golden age animators were complicit in this.
also really important from that clip is the statement that “black[ people] don’t really look like that. so why is it so appealing to people to pretend they look like that, to look at icons that look like that?” and of course, this is immensely impactful on society and informs societal understanding/perception of entire racial groups; it extends to inform public policy and cause internalized racism. this is actually a widely accepted sociological framework called symbolic interactionist theory if you’re interested in learning more. basically, media has a huge impact on us, and we (individuals and larger society) have a huge impact on it; we reflect each other
i wanted to share this clip to demonstrate in animation form what some of the above links are discussing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cftUIdSr_T8 (ignore the text tbh, focus on the way characters are shaped, how they move, what they’re saying and how). if you haven’t seen stuff like this before especially… it’s really emotionally exhausting, and jarring. it’s so gross. but it’s important to remember that not all of this was intended to be a derogatory or negative portrayal, most were probably seen as 100% okay by the majority of white people at least, this literally is what our society is and a large part of why it is what it is.
things have changed so much, but the impact/legacy of this shit never goes away, so it’s good to be educated and aware. i honestly think su is more sensitive to this than literally any other cartoon from the past 5 years, but nothing is perfect or ever will be, we just have to keep trying, everyone from creatives to academics to policymakers. crew members from su have discussed this, and lindsay ellis goes into this idea while accessibly describing the impact of these tropes and why intent can be felt in the final product (what hopefully sets sugi apart from caricatures in less positive media): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qQN8hML12U
like lamar’s statement says, 10 years from now, the cartoons coming out will be even better! just look at how much better su is at handling its poc-coded characters than recent shows like ren and stimpy, or even contemporary cartoon network shows like clarence and uncle grandpa. there are so many compared to the shows i watched as a little kid, and the writers and artists are genuinely being thoughtful with the portrayals. and i have never seen an apology like what happened because of concrete, with a crew member and showrunner both apologizing and promising to do better. like maybe… dr seuss did it for his racist caricatures and that’s pretty much it. so it’s not all bad, maybe they’ll handle this character differently in the future, i mean amethyst has grown a lot and it would make sense to have the fusion change a bit. but that wouldn’t nullify these issues, and i’m hopeful it will be addressed one day, especially directly by the crew
also for the love of god, please don’t send me hate about this. it may seem like a non-issue to you, but tens of thousands of sociologists and even most animators say otherwise. it is important to at least acknowledge that the media we consume impacts us and our world and that it can be analyzed with the context of history and modern society. hope this helps
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Thank you for the very well thought out answer. I really enjoyed it. I did have another question (if I may), in general, how do we as a base know what is unreliable information or not when it comes to our narrators because from what I've always gathered, they have the earnest desire to convey the truth as they can see it. Armand sure, cannon liar, but Louis in IWTV had nothing but genuine intention and no reason to lie. Thank you for your time, you're awesome ^^
You’re so welcome, glad you enjoyed it! Answering asks is so much fun for me, it makes me consider my own current and previous thoughts, sometimes I even ask around privately for more ideas… and try to write it out as best I can, it gives me an excuse to make fresh gifs/memes, sometimes it inspires others to make fanworks… and I always like to hear back from the original asker that the effort was appreciated *u* ((No, you only get one question per quarter. Pffft. Of course you can ask more!))
“in general, how do we as a base know what is unreliable information or not when it comes to our narrators because from what I’ve always gathered, they have the earnest desire to convey the truth as they can see it.”
You would think that, but just like in real life, people can narrate a story for their own motivations.
TL;DR: The characters telling their stories don’t always have the earnest desire to convey the truth, so it’s not always clear what the reliable information is! When we have accounts of the same event where the details align, that seems to be the best way to confirm it’s canon, bc even Anne Rice can’t always answer fan’s questions about canon stuff to everyone’s satisfaction. When there’s conflicting details, we have to rely on headcanons, which ppl can choose to agree on or not, hence the fandom phrase, #Your Headcanon May Vary.
For example of facts aligning: I think we can all agree that Armand was the unspoken leader at the Theatre des Vampires bc Lestat left him there in a position of authority in TVL, which is where Louis found him some 80 years later in IWTV, confirming that that was Armand’s role there.
In the scene above, IDK at that point in canon whether Lestat believes in a God, but if not, he’s deliberately lying to Claudia, bc she’s never going to see her mother again. Even if he does believe in God, he still doesn’t know where his dead go! He’s trying to answer her in a way that will keep her calm and complacent. He knows Claudia’s mother is dead, he saw the corpse in the movie. But she is still a child and he doesn’t want to scare her or depress her, or make her feel guilty about killing, which she just did!
I also think he’s a little taken aback bc she’s asking him for the whereabouts of her biological mother just minutes after he turned her into a vampire, a process that’s been compared to birth. It’s the most intimate act a vampire can experience. His smile falls right after she asks bc in a way it seems like he’s a deflated that she wants her biological mother, it’s like she’s already saying, “You’re not my REAL dad!” It might also remind him of his own mother who abandoned him ;A;
Re: Lestat P.1: In TVL, Lestat tells Armand:
“I never lie,” I said offhand. “At least not to those I don’t love.”
I’m still not 100% clear on this, bc of the double negatives. Can we translate it to “I’m honest with those I don’t love.” –> “I lie to those I love.” ? He spent some 65 years lying by omission to Louis and Claudia about the other vampires, and all the secrets he knew. So who’s to say he doesn’t also lie to his readers, “those I don’t love” ? How much does he really love his readers?
Re: Louis: I’ve always felt, and there are others who share this opinion, who gave me this opinion, that IWTV was dictated to Daniel from Louis with the intention of pissing Lestat off enough that he would rise from wherever he was hiding and find Louis. While I don’t think Louis intentionally LIED, I do think he might have embellished some things, exaggerated here and there, left out certain things, in order to achieve his goal. And it WORKED because…
Re: Lestat P.2: The Vampire Lestat was Lestat’s rebuttal to IWTV, containing all the secrets he couldn’t tell Louis during their time together, so I’m inclined to believe that Lestat earnestly wanted to correct the record and win Louis back, since he still loved Louis.
Re: Armand: TBH, I don’t know Armand’s story well enough, what I believe and what I don’t, in all of canon, to say that he’s a liar. I think, like Louis and Lestat, he embellishes, he lies by omission, and he tells people things when he wants a certain reaction out of them. He lied to his coven when he was a leader all those years since he never really believed in serving Satan. Or did he? It seems like he didn’t.
There is a particular scene that Armand describes in TVA that is questionable, as to whether it happened. How he tried to “help” Claudia the night she died (fanart by @sheepskeleton here, if you dare, it’s gorey). Personally, I sometimes believe it’s the truth bc Armand does like… experiments! But then I also remember how David was flirting excessively with Armand in that book, and so it’s possible that “this story was just something that Armand made up; somehow trying to intimidate the others, displaying the cruelty he could be capable of.” (quote from @annabellioncourt)
#terryfphanatics#lestat#the vampire lestat#lestat de lioncourt#let me explain u a thing#the vampire claudia#Louis de Pointe du Lac#the vampire armand#UNRELIABLE NARRATOR#your headcanon may vary#gif#wheres mama#iwtv#interview with the vampire#Heaven#vc fandom love#IT COUNTS#thank u#much appreciate#long post#quote#actual quote#Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them#annabellioncourt#this is a fresh gif just for this response
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