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mk-wizard · 3 years

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Are any of the Burns LGBTQA?

Hello, Transformers fans. Today’s topic is a question raised by the fabulous @petrichornial and considering that LGBTQA fanfiction is very popular in the Transformers lore, it does raise the question if any of the characters in Rescue Bots officially are. Before I get into my honest, respectful analysis, I want to make things crystal clear;

I think the concept of being LGBTQA being sin is not only ignorant, but also false. If the Lord had a problem with them, he wouldn’t keep putting them on this Earth. His concern is if we are good and the fact that LGBTQA people are capable of love is proof of goodness.

This is not an attack on slash fanfiction. Just because something isn’t or most likely isn’t true doesn’t mean you can’t have fun in your own AU fanfic. With that said, anyone who uses this article here as an attack on other fans who write slash fanfiction involving the Burns will be reported by me first. Yes, some slash fanfiction has unhealthy and sometimes, criminal undertones, but most doesn’t and most fans of it are harmless, so just leave them alone if you don’t like what they write.

Anyway, I will start by saying that I am absolutely sure that none of the Burns including uncle Woodrow are transgender, genderfluid or non-binary. We have seen them show enough skin to be able to tell that they are all born with the genders they identify as and there is no talk or scenes of them taking anything transgender people who have undergone surgery would still need. Also, none of them identify with the “they/them” pronoun. Each one of them identifies as “he/him” or “she/her” and consistently only identifies that way. So all this evidence tells us that none of them are non-binary or genderfluid and I am very sure none of them are transgender or intersex.

Now, we get into the gray area which is orientation and to do this analysis properly, I will observe each family member individually. First up is the head of the household and the star Chief Charlie Burns.

Charlie Burns has only shown a romantic interest in women as he was at one time married to a woman and he even got involved with a nurse during the course of the series, so he most definitely likes women. He is also very progressive as well as open minded as he welcomed aliens into his home and grew to love them as family, his best friend Doc Greene is black and he always shown kindness to everyone regardless of who or what they are. He is also confident enough to be openly in tuned with his masculine and feminine as he loves to wear that apron that has the torso of a woman in bikini on it. However, if he is so obvious about who is and has the confidence to put it on display this blatantly, I think it is very likely that he is straight as he has only shown a romantic interest in women and if he also had one in men, we would know by now. While I have no doubt that he would be very accepting if any of his kids, friends or relatives were gay/lesbian/bisexual, he is clearly not gay or bisexual himself. He is straight though clearly not narrow.

Next up is Kade Burns who we know for sure isn’t gay at least because he most certainly and shamelessly is head over heels for Hayley. Despite not being the sharpest tool in the shed or handling romance with an outdated approach, it is clear as day that his feelings towards Hayley are deep and he values what they have no matter how many times he fumbles. So he is most certainly not gay. With that all said, there is a small fraction of a chance that he might be bisexual or pansexual. While he has never shown a romantic interest in anyone who was not a woman or just not Hayley, the possibility is there and knowing how macho and insecure Kade can be, he would be in the closet about it in the beginning.

Then we have Dani Burns who like Kade, cannot be a homosexual because she had a very real relationship with Taylor despite it being complicated and at times, on the verge of not working out. She clearly can be attracted to men so she is not a lesbian. However, like her older brother, it is possible that maybe she is bisexual or pansexual, though if she was, she would be open about it because Dani is a lot like their father Charlie. She is open and proud about who she is, so if she does swing either of those ways and we just did not get the chance to see it, she would not hide it.

Next up is the heroic nerd Graham who like the others listed so far is also not a homosexual because he too has been in a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite gender who might add is also a great match for him: Amy. So that puts that to rest. Like Kade and Dani, it is possible that he is bisexual or pansexual, but we never got a chance to see it. If he did swing either way, like Dani, he would most likely be open about it simply because Graham is pretty easy going about what he is for the most part.

Now, the wild cards start coming out. When it comes to orientation, Cody Burns is a blank slate because he’s just a child. He is not romantically aware yet altogether, so the idea of dating or kissing anyone disgusts him in general. Also, his relationship with Frankie Greene is clearly just them being best friends and it is heavily implied in the series that it will never be anything beyond that. However, I recall that in one episode where he was physically aged into an adult, he displayed disgust when Hayley kissed him. It could simply be that he still had the mind and emotionally maturity of a little boy so romantic gestures would be off putting to him. Mind you, it could have been a sign that he could be or rather, will turn out to be gay or asexual when he matures. In Rescue Bot Academy, Cody is a teenager and has no interest in girls or romance in general which backs up the possibility that he might be asexual. Or like me (I’m straight if you’re curious), he is simply a late bloomer when it comes to being romantically aware and will not show in interest in relationships until his adult years. In short, Cody is to officially be determined, but there are some possible flags that hint that he just might be asexual or gay. Like I said though, these are just possible little flags and officially, he’s still just a blank slate.

Lastly, we have Woodrow who we know for sure is single, always has been and remains so throughout the series’ run while showing no romantic interest to anyone altogether nor does he ever bring up ever having had a crush, ex or dream significant other. While it is never officially confirmed, evidence suggests that Woodrow is most likely asexual. It is possible that he can be something else on the list yet isn’t interested in a long term relationship, but if I had to wager, I would go with him being asexual.

And that concludes my analysis. Overall, the possibility of any of the Burns family being LGBTQA+ is there, but in very specific ways and when it comes to Charlie, the evidence suggests that he is as straight as they come. I hope my analysis was fair and respectful. Like I said, I could be wrong, but I am just going by the facts that I have before me.

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think of this theory. And please, have a good day and stay safe.

PS: Support LGBTQA+ rights. Like I mentioned before, if you have the capacity for love, that alone is proof of goodness within and this group is not the exception. They merit just as much kindness, respect and decency as any other people do.

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

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talking too fast - peter maximoff

this is my first peter maximoff fic, i actually really liked writing for him and i wouldn’t mind doing some more for him and maybe even warren if you guys would want that? idk this blog is kinda dead rn but i liked this request/idea a lot so show it some love if you like it <3

comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

Request: Can you do like fake dating that end up in real love or something idk big cliché for our speedy boy. 'cause why tf not ksjdjdn

Word count: 3.7K (Jesus ok)

warning(s): swearing(it’s me, are we shocked? no), kinda angsty tbh, everyones a lil insecure but don’t worry it’s happy to end :)

(gifs not mine! he’s so cute oh my)

Peter Maximoff always had a tendency to go fast. That much could be seen in literally everything about him. The way he moved, the way he thought and if he was excited enough or angry enough, the way he spoke. You, of course, figured all of this out the hard way.

It had started out innocently enough, some of the younger guys, mainly Scott, had made fun of Peter for not having a girlfriend, Peter, in response to the teasing told them that he did. He definitely didn't, but they didn't need to know that. And that's how you found yourself in your current predicament.

Peter was sprawled out on your bed, his legs hanging off the foot of the bed as he whined, “(Y/n) please! I need to prove I have a hot girlfriend!"

Not looking up from the work you were doing at your desk, you laughed at him, "But Pete, you don't have a hot girlfriend."

The silver haired boy sighed audibly, lifting himself to sit up on your bed, at the same moment you spun around in your seat to face him.

"Nooooo…" He drew out and you shook your head in agreement, "No." You confirmed.

"But!" Peter shouted, pointing an accusing finger at you, a cheeky grin on his lips and his dimples peaking through.

"I do have a hot best friend!" He stated, wiggling his eyebrows at you, his grin turning pleading.

Peter was your best friend, ever since he'd joined the school of mutants he immediately became your favourite person and soon enough he'd claimed your best friend position. And vice versa.

You knew him better than he knew himself. So you also knew exactly what he was suggesting and you wouldn't lie and say that you never entertained the idea of being in a relationship with your doe eyed best friend, because you have, you've thought about it, you've thought about it way too much.

For that reason you shook your head furiously at what he was insinuating, "Pete, no."

He huffed, jumping off the bed and speeding infront of you, his eyes boring into yours.

"Come on, sweetheart! It's not like we don't act like we're dating already, it's foolproof!" He reasoned and you couldn't dispute that you and Peter did act like a couple, and often got mistaken as already being a couple.

But still, you just couldn't put yourself through that sort of emotional stress, you wouldn't do it for a total stranger so you definitely wouldn't do it for your best friend who you've been harboring a huge crush on for the bones of a year.

The risks it posed for your heart and your friendship with the speedster were just too high.

You couldn't help the laugh that fell from your throat as you watched Peter Maximoff, king of pranks and master of meaningless flirtations literally graveling on his knees in front of the chair you were sitting on.

"Peter just because we cuddle in the common room and you call me 'sweetheart' sometimes does not mean we act like a couple." right?

You told him only to be met by a frustrated whine, "Come on! I'm begging you! Just for like a week! Just to prove that I can get a hot girl to date me!"

You stayed silent, looking at him expressionlessly. Don't give in.

"Please!" He pressed again. Don't.

"Pretty please! Hey, I'll even let you set the ground rules??? Huh???" He tried to persuade you, although he was speeding through every word he said, if you weren't used to him you probably wouldn't have caught half of what he was saying.

Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

His hands grabbed yours as he pulled you both up into standing position, he held your hands softly and gave you the puppy dog eyes that he knew always made you almost melt before releasing a final pleading, "Please?"

Furrowing your eyebrows you let out the most dramatic sigh you could muster, but you couldn't hide the small smile growing on your lips "Fine, but you owe me."

You're a fucking idiot. You scolded yourself silently. But how could you ever say no when he looks at you like you're the answer to everything? God you were more screwed than you thought.

"Yes! God I love my girlfriend!" He told you excitedly, pulling you in for a tight hug and kissing your cheek.

When Peter left your room that night your head was spinning and you couldn't be sure how things would go tomorrow.

Maybe you were overthinking it? You'd hold his hand for a few minutes and try and convince a bunch of sixteen years olds that your best friend could successfully obtain a girlfriend and then that would be it. But did you really want that to be it? No, you wanted more, but that you already knew.

You'd set some ground rules with Peter to "protect the sanctity of our friendship" to which he'd laughed, but in reality the rules were to protect you from your own feelings.

Rule 1) No Kissing on the lips unless absolutely necessary

Rule 2) The lie would only be told to the students and not any of your colleagues (because you knew Peter's first stop would be rubbing your fake relationship in Warren Worthington III's face, they had some kind of light-hearted competition going on, you don't really know what it's about but you made it very clear to your best friend that you wanted no part in it.)

Rule 3) Peter cannot make comments about your fake sex life

Rule 4) You had to wear an item of Peter's clothing to, in his words, "really sell the story."

And the final rule was, of course, no telling anybody it wasn't real.

The next day you and Peter walked hand and hand toward the common room where you could already hear Scott, Kurt, Jubilee and Jean chatting and having fun.

"You're so immature you know that, babe" You whisper quietly to your "boyfriend" while bumping his shoulders with your own which was clad in the material of his silver jacket.

Abiding by the rules was all you were doing, you definitely weren't enjoying the way the sleeves were slightly too long so they covered your hands as far as your knuckles, or the way his scent covered you, that cologne he always wore which you happened to love the smell of and you definitely weren't enjoying the fact that despite the jacket being about two sizes too big for you it seemed to just fit. No, definitely not, you were just following Peter's rule.

He only laughed, "What's immature about wanting to show off my beautiful, stunning, hot, loving, smart, talented-"

You had to cut him off before he could say the word "girlfriend" because you weren't his girlfriend, and hearing it would surely make you want to cry, right there in the hallway.

"Alright Romeo, I've already agreed to your babyish plan to psych out some teenagers, you don't have to butter me up."

As you entered the common room, Peter's face broke into a mischievous grin and you had a deep feeling in your stomach that this little show was going to go way too far. Hoping that this wouldn't be the end of your little show wasn't serving you very well at the moment.

You were absolutely screwed.

"Hey, nerds." Peter called out, pulling you into the room slightly behind him.

"Seriously, Maximoff? (Y/n)?" Scott asked as soon as he noticed your linked hands, his voice was disbelieving, you were a little offended honestly.

What's wrong with me? You wondered, if a pubescent sixteen year old boy could find faults in you maybe Peter was seeing the same things? Maybe that's why he doesn't really want you to be his girlfriend.

It seemed Peter noticed your panicked train of thought as he let go of your hand and wrapped an arm around your shoulder protectively, "What's that supposed to mean, Summers?"

One of the things you loved about Peter was that he always defended you, even if you don't need defending he always has your back. But now wasn't the time to think about that, you could obsess about the feelings you so desperately try to hide for him later.

Noticing the growing irritation between the older 'couple' Scott shook his head, "No, nothing! (Y/n)'s hot, it's just, you two definitely aren't a thing."

At least they don't think I'm ugly, I guess.

He stated, crossing his arms as the other teens nodded in agreement. All except Jean who was looking at you suspiciously.

"Why not?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

As the two boys entered what was essentially a pissing contest about how Peter couldn't handle you which turned into how Scott couldn't handle Jean and as it went on and on, Jean entered your head.

'You're not really dating are you?' she asked you, something hiding in her voice, a question within a question, there was something more she wanted to say.

'Why's me and Peter being together so hard to believe?' You asked her in response, sure Jean was a telepath but you've mastered the art of manipulating what she could see when she peaked in your mind, which is probably why she was so confused.

Not that you really had anything to hide from her, what you felt for the man arguing with the teen in the middle of the common room was genuine and authentic, but better safe than sorry.

'It's just… Don't you think you could do a little better?" She pushed and then you understood that had been what she really wanted to ask in the first place.

The question made you angry, how quick they were to lessen Peter's worth. This wasn't just an issue with the younger X-Men, but with the older ones too. It seemed that nobody could appreciate Peter Maximoff for the amazing person and mutant that he is. You knew it made him insecure, he'd confided in you on so many different occasions about his self worth and because of this you'd developed a need to throw hands with anyone that treated him like a joke.

He saw himself as a loser, so he let people treat him like one.

Before you could respond to Jean's question you were interrupted by Peter whining in your ear, "Baaaaaabe, tell these guys we're together!"

Letting out a sigh to calm yourself, hiding your angry string of thoughts from Jean was exhausting, you let a small smile settle over your face and wrapped both your arms around Peter's middle, if they wanted a show you'd give them one.

"Okay kids, Peter and I are dating, we have been for the past while. We didn't say anything because we wanted to keep it on the down low but since it's out there now, yes, we are in fact, a couple." You confirmed, confidence clear in your voice, you were asserting the facts.

Peter nodded in agreement, a smug smile on his face, he looked so proud to call you his girlfriend and you felt a pang in your chest when you reminded yourself that it was only for show.

"How'd he manage to get a girl like you though? I don't get it." Scott piped up again and you couldn't hide the exhausted expression that crossed your face.

It got to Peter, the blatant disbelief towards him, you could tell his face fell ever so slightly before he regained his composure. So you squeezed him a little tighter.

"Well, he's sweet, he's caring, he's loyal, he knows me pretty much better than I know myself, he makes me smile and laugh, he knows exactly what to do when I'm sad and sure, sometimes he can be a little much and a huge pain in the ass but it's worth it." You told the group, squeezing Peter with every word you said, smiling at the little "hey" he let out when you called him a pain in the ass, the way he was looking down at you was so pure and loving that you completely forgot to remind yourself that it was just make believe.

Your description of your fake-but-wish-it-was-real-boyfriend received an "aww" from Jubilee and a smile from Kurt, Jean and Scott however, still looked apprehensive.

Keeping the red head out of your business was giving you a headache.

"Prove it." Scott challenged as you and Peter looked at each other in confusion, how were you supposed to prove it? These kids sure were ballsy.

"Kiss." Jean added and you couldn't physically stop your eyes from rolling and your lips from forming a smirk.

You were about to break your biggest rule, but you didn't care. The whole interaction with the teens had brought Peter's self-esteem way down and you could predict he'd be crying on your shoulder because of it later on tonight. You weren't going to deny him a kiss and you absolutely weren't going to embarrass him in front of Scott fucking Summers.

"Ok." You removed your arms from around Peter's middle and brought one hand to his cheek and let the other tangle in his Silver hair, he didn't miss a beat, immediately he pulled you flush against him and placed his hands on your hips, his movements were deliberate as if he'd been imagining kissing you for as long as you'd been imagining kissing him. You pushed that thought away, the truth that he didn't think about you that way hurt too much.

His lips met yours and you could've sworn you felt sparks flying from where your lips connected. The kiss was short but it was passionate and really, really, really good. His lips were chapped but soft and the way that they moved in sync with your own sent your head spinning and your heart flipping.

When you pulled away, Peter's lips chased yours and you giggled as he placed pecks on your lips multiple times before he finally allowed you to push him away.

If you weren't so caught up in the moment you would've cried, that was everything you've been wanting for so long, but it wasn't real. You didn't think about it though, it would get a chance to bring a tear to your eye later. When you're alone.

"Alright you're dating, Jesus, get a room." Scott scowled as he scrunched up his face in disgust at the display of affection he and his own girlfriend had demanded.

Laughing, you grabbed Peter's hand in yours and began walking back towards his room, you didn't feel like answering any more awkward questions and you needed a minute to recover from Jean's constant attempts to get into your subconscious.

Once you'd both entered Peter's room and shut the door behind you, you finally let your guard down with a loud sigh, flopping down on Peter's bed and throwing an arm across your eyes to block out the light.

"Jean's mind poking really is relentless huh?" Peter said, flopping down beside you.

"Tell me about it. She's persistent as fuck." You laughed, turning your head to look at Peter, who was already looking at you.

"That no kissing rule didn't last too long, couldn't resist?" Peter asked jokingly but you could tell that he wanted to know what caused you to abandon your number one rule.

Chewing on your cheek, you debated on whether or not you should spill all or just tell him what he needed to know at this moment in time. Going this the latter you sighed again.

"They were being assholes, I wasn't gonna embarrass you by saying no, was I?" Peter's smile was soft but it didn't reach his eyes, your voice was quiet when you added, "Besides, you looked like you needed a kiss."

His face was now turned to the ceiling with a thoughtful look adorning his features.

As you both laid side-by-side on the unmade double bed, close enough that your arms were touching but not close enough for your fingers to be intertwined, you, a hopeless romantic, hopelessly falling for your best friend as you wear his favorite jacket and lay on his bed. And Peter who looked like he was trying to figure out the universe's greatest mystery. As you laid with each other, a heavy silence settled over you both, until Peter turned his face back to you, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Can I ask you something, (Y/n)?" Nodding wordlessly, you turned your entire body to face him, so that you were laying on your side.

"Am I really that bad?" He asked, his brown eyes staring into yours.

"What do you mean?" You asked him, you knew where this conversation was about to go, but he had a lot to say and you wanted to let him let it all out.

"All those guys back there, they didn't think I could really be your boyfriend… and hey they're probably right, you could do better. But is it really that unbelievable that someone could love me?" His last question came out cracked and tears filled his chestnut eyes.

Your own eyebrows furrowed now, you put your hand on his face and brushed the tear that slipped from his eye away. "No, Pete. What's unbelievable to me is that people can't see how fucking incredible you are." You told him, your emotions coming through in your voice, anger and sadness taking over.

"No," Peter shook his head, again returning his face to look at the ceiling before he went on, "they're right, I couldn't get a girl, especially not one like you."

That hurt, you have to admit that it hurt you so bad to hear him talk so badly about himself but what hurt most was the fact that Peter didn't want a girl that was you, no, just one that was like you.

"You have a girl like me, Pete." You reminded him sadly, turning your own face to the ceiling.

Who knew one outing as a fake couple would be all it took to make you fall apart? You did, you knew from the beginning.

Peter was upset, it was obvious by the way he spoke next, too fast and before he thought.

"No, I don't, not really. You're this incredible, pretty girl. You're talented and your mutation is useful and everyone loves you! I'm just this loser who people don't take seriously and pretty soon you're going to realize that and just leave like everyone else."

The pit of your stomach has never felt so deep before, it was so clear to you now, in his voice, it was there, he didn't trust you to stay. And that fact hurt more than any heartbreak of rejection ever could.

Sitting up on the bed, you looked down at him, fighting the tears that were attempting to gather in your eyes.

"I know you're not a loser, Peter. I know you're incredible and talented and maybe the best friend I've ever had. But if you think I'm shallow enough to leave you behind, for some preppy asshole, you really don't trust me as much as I trust you." You finished, tears falling freely as you got off of the bed and made your way toward the door before he sped infront of you, standing between you and the door.

His eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights, "That's not what I meant to say!"

You didn't say anything, just stared at him, tears falling and waiting for him to say his piece.

"I trust you more than anyone, you know everything about me, I'm sorry my mouth was going too fast and it came out all wrong." He was still rushing through his words but he took a deep breath before going on again.

"What I was trying to say is," he swallowed thickly, he was nervous, scared even, "you're amazing, you're my best friend and I've had this scenario running in my head of maybe being more than just friends. But I was afraid if I told you and you didn't feel the same you'd leave because of how awkward it would be."

Your heart was pounding, if you had a few broken ribs after this conversation you wouldn't be surprised, "oh."

"And when I suggested you be my fake girlfriend you were so reluctant that I figured I never had a shot. But then we kissed and I just can't come to terms with a kiss like that meaning nothing." He told you, hands finding yours, carefully.

This time it was you who was speaking before thinking, "I'm in love with you."

Hearing the words fall out of your mouth, your eyes widened, months of trying to hide the fact and you managed to let it slip out into the open without it even crossing your mind first.

Taking a shaky breath you decided to speak again and hopefully ease Peter out of the shocked state your declaration put him in.

"I didn't wanna fake date you because I wanted to real date you and I was afraid it would hurt too much. That kiss, it was real for me, I had kinda been wanting to do it for a while." You confessed to him, squeezing his hands that were still holding onto yours.

A smile overtook his face, his dimples showing and his eyes brightening, his face was lit up with what seemed like pure happiness like a puppy who's owner just got home from work.

"I love you too."

Oh thank God.

"I knew you couldn't resist." He added shooting you a cheeky wink before he pulled you against his chest, his face was so close to yours, your noses touched and his lips met yours again.

This time was different, though. It was real and you both knew it and both wanted it.

His fingers intertwined with yours as he pulled his lips away from yours, his boyish smile coming back as he rested his forehead against yours.

"So, um, do you maybe wanna be my girlfriend, like really be my girlfriend?" He asked, still nervous about asking you despite the fact you'd both just made your feelings toward each other perfectly clear.

"I'd love to." You replied, connecting your lips to his again.

Safe to say, fake dating Peter turned into a total shit show but you're really glad it did.

let me know what you think <33

#peter maximoff #peter maximof x reader #x-men #x-men x reader #evan peters #evan peters x reader #x-men days of future past #peter maximoff imagine #x reader #marvel #mcu #mcu x reader

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heyyyharry · 5 years

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Chapter 9: Three’s A Crowd

(from the Flatmate Trilogy: Two Hearts, One Home)

…in which Harry learns a big lesson, and Y/N cannot tolerate his assistant.

Word count: 6.4k

Chapter 8: The Assistant - Y/N helps out a friend, and Harry also helps out a “friend”.

Wattpad link

"Hi, I'm Kierra. I'm here to see Harry."

Y/N was taken aback when the girl pushed right past her to enter her living room. They had never met officially, but the walls in this flat were thin. You couldn't pretend like you didn't know someone after you'd heard all the sounds they'd made during sex. Now Y/N couldn't even look at this girl without blushing.

"H-Harry's at a group study. He'll be back at five, I think," Y/N mumbled, eyes on Kierra who had made herself comfortable on the couch.

Idling for a moment at the door, Y/N decided that it'd be rude to retreat to her room, so she ended up sitting down with her flatmate's guest. She always got nervous around the girls Harry brought back to their place, probably because she'd never seen herself as their equal. They always had more than one thing she lacked, and the thought of not being good enough was intimidating to her. She was jealous of their beauty and their confidence, but she couldn't hate them. They weren't responsible for her insecurities.

That was why each time she met one of them, she subconsciously tried to look for at least one quality that she found pleasant about the girl. Only then would she feel slightly better about herself. It didn't always work though. Most of the girls Harry had brought home were mean to Y/N. She couldn't figure out why, but they probably assumed Harry treated her differently because...he liked her. Oh, she could only wish. Deep down, she had always known he treated her differently because she wasn't his type. He would never be interested in her sexually or even romantically.

"Those are cute," Kierra spoke, breaking Y/N's train of thoughts as she poined to the blue tie-dye window curtains. "They weren't here the last time I came over."

Smiling bashfully, Y/N tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and her hand quickly returned to her knees. "They...they're mine."

"You made them yourself?"

"Yeah, the ones in my room are purple, but Harry likes blue so..."

Kierra pressed her lips into a faint smile. The silence took over for a few seconds before she spoke again, "were you two friends before moving in together?"

"No." Y/N giggled. "We hadn't known each other until then. It's a long story but...Harry tells it better than me so you can ask him..."

"Can't. He doesn't like talking about himself." Kierra gave her a shrug.

Y/N could see it in the girl's eyes that she was disappointed. This gave her a different view on Kierra and those before her. Maybe they were equals after all. They wanted someone they could never have. Still, Y/N didn't know if she'd rather be herself or Kierra, to have him but never really have him, or to never get to have him at all. Either way, it probably hurt just the same.

Hugging her knees to her chest, Y/N sat in silence on the couch as her dreary eyes shifted between Niall and Layla.

"I am telling the truth," Niall said. "I've warned him and he didn't listen!"

Layla raised her voice, "warned him?! You should've stopped him?! Gosh, men are dumb!"

Y/N agreed, men were dumb. However, she'd better stay quiet because everything she said now would only add fuel to the fire. In this moment of chaos, ironically, she felt truly at peace. She watched her two friends keep on shouting. Their mouths were moving but they didn't make any sound. And they were in slow motion, almost like a music video without the music.

This took her back to her childhood years. Whenever her parents got into a fight right in front of her and her siblings, she would pretend that they were in a music video, so she wouldn't feel scared. Like she and Harry, her parents rarely fought. Her mother could be problematic yet her father loved that woman more than anything in the world. So Y/N hated whenever they raised their voices with each other. They claimed to be so in love but when things got bad, where did all the love go?

Now that she was older and wiser, she had learned that fighting didn't always go counter to love. Sometimes two people argued because they loved each other too much, and refused to let go even when it was the easy way out. Had it not been for those fights, her parents' marriage probably wouldn't have lasted this long. So maybe Y/N needed to be at home shouting at her husband, not hiding at her best friend's place like this.

"You should've told me everything! You're a liar just like Harry!"

"I'm nothing like Harry, I report everything to you! Who tells their wife about their co-worker getting hair extensions? I do!"

"Guys, I'm going home." Y/N's statement ended the argument in a heartbeat.

"You sure?" Layla asked in concern as Y/N rose from the couch.

"Yeah." Y/N nodded with a smile. "We'll be fine, don't worry."

Layla and Niall seemed doubtful of their friend's decision, still, they let her go. They walked her to their front door and kept reminding her not to throw a tantrum when she spoke to Harry. It was weird coming from someone as bad-tempered as Layla, but then they actually got a point. Y/N kept that advice in mind as she took a taxi home alone. She told herself to stay calm and think this through, for the spoken words could leave permanent damages. Still, a part of her wanted nothing more than to shout at him to release her frustration.

Soon she had arrived home. She took a deep breath before pulling out the key card from her pocket. But right before she could enter, the door swung open. Her husband burst out, frozen completely when he saw her face. He looked as if he'd seen a ghost. He was pallid, his eyes were round and expressionless, his mouth parted and his chin trembling. They exchanged a silent look before he spotted the barrel bag she was holding. She'd planned to spend one night away from him. And now she was glad she'd changed her mind.

Harry frantically grabbed her like she was the last thing in this world that could keep him sane. He panted the words "I'm sorry" into her neck, repeatedly and desperately. Maybe just a second ago, he'd thought his apology would never be accepted again. He'd thought that she'd left him for good.

Y/N hadn't seen him this scared since she returned the promise ring in that hotel in New York. And her heart ached just from thinking Harry wasn't afraid of anything, but losing her.

"Let's go inside and we'll talk," she said, pushing him away though she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms right now. Her eyes were cold while his were filled with fear and anxiety.

He stepped back into their living room, watching her intensely to search for a sign that they would be okay. "Please hear me out," he said as she closed the door and put down the bag. "I can explain."

"Sure you can. You always have a lot to say, but never when you should."

Harry's eyes quickly shifted to the floor. It was funny how he had just asked for a chance to explain, and when he'd got it, he didn't know where to start.

"I almost stayed at Layla's tonight," Y/N went on, not wanting to waste their time by waiting for him. "Then I realized marriage didn't work that way, so I came back. And I want to hear everything from you. Niall has told me what he knew, and I've also made my own assumptions from the video. But now I want to hear your own version of the story."

"She was gonna send it to me," he finally spoke, his head hung low. "B-but she saved your name as Mrs. Styles so she sent it to you by accident."

"And you believe her?"

He didn't answer. That was how she knew he did. He believed what Kierra had told him.

"It seems to me that...you believe in everyone..." She said with a faint laugh. "Everyone. Except for me."

"No, I—"

"You didn't think I could handle it, was that you lied? Was that why I was always the last to know?"

Again, silence.

Despite all the things she'd told herself on the taxi ride home, she couldn't stay calm anymore.

"Why don't you say something?!" She screamed at him. She was furious. Still, he was just standing there like a statue, his eyes stayed glued to the floor. The frustration building up in her chest made her burst into tears. "You can't just keep doing this, Harry! This isn't the first time, I've forgiven you too many times before. I was always one of the lasts to know when something big happened. Olivia coming back, your internship in Japan, your dad offering you his company, you accepting your dad's offer and relocating an entire business, you hiring your ex to be your new assistant, and now you possibly having a child with another woman, then you going to see this child and staying to play happy family with them! I've always had to find out from another person, this time from a video that woman 'accidentally' sent to me. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing."

His answer left her dumbfounded. Her mouth snapped shut, her shoulders were tight as her breath burst in and out.

"I don't want to defend myself because I know I'm wrong." He slowly lifted his face to meet her eyes at last, and then, with a sigh, he began, "when...when I discovered that I might be the father, I was...terrified. Not because of the responsibilities that would come along with that, but because...I realized I-I never deserved you."

Seeing his fingers gathered into fists and his knuckles turning white, she wanted to hold him and tell him he was the only one who deserved her. But her limbs were numb and her feet were rooted to the floor. Now she could do nothing but listen.

He swallowed hard. "I told myself...if I kept pretending like my past before you hadn't existed then everything would've been okay. But I always knew I couldn't pretend forever. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of you leaving me. Maybe at one point, you'll see that I'm not good enough and you'll regret all the years you've wasted on me." He thought for a few seconds and exhaled sharply. "I told myself hiding these truths from you was protecting you. But all along I've been protecting myself from you realizing you'd be better off without me."

He stopped to wait for her reply. And when he got nothing, he stepped forward and cupped her face. This time she didn't push him away. She couldn't. His fingers were shaking as tears shone in his eyes, and it hurt her so much to see him like this. My God, she truly loved him. Her love for him was so massive that all of his mistakes, his stupid, careless, childish mistakes, could not make her love him any less.

He didn't let her go. Her silence urged him to go on, his voice was strained and fragile, "you have every right to be angry at me. Scream at me if you want to, give me the cold shoulders, the silent treatment, anything, just...don't leave me. Tell me how to fix this, and I'll do anything. Just please don't give up on me."

He ran his thumb across her flushed cheek to wipe away a single tear making its way down. His lashes fluttered as his brows knitted. He continued, "I came home, and you weren't here, the closet was opened, some of your clothes were gone. I-I thought I lost you, and I was so scared."

For all those years they'd lived under the same roof, Y/N rarely heard Harry say that he was scared. It might've resulted from him growing up trying to protect the women in his life, since his father had not been there for them. Now standing before her, he had accepted that he also needed protection.

Sighing, Y/N stepped forward and pressed herself against his chest. The love of her life automatically embraced her. "We don't do that in this household," she murmured, one hand stroking the back of his head. "We don't leave."

She felt his muscles relaxed as he gave her a slight nod and a 'thank you'. But his grip hadn't loosened one bit, for a part of him still feared she might change her mind. Still, she pulled away. They were eye-to-eye again, and her hands were on his shoulders, his on her lower back.

"But you need to stop this," she said. "Stop trying to protect me from the truth. I'm an adult and I can handle anything. And stop worrying that some bad news will make me stop loving you. Nothing will. I chose you because I'd known who you were, even before you did. I fell in love with my best friend and I never looked back, not when Olivia showed up, not when you were in another country for months, not when my parents hated me for being with you. Of all the mistakes I've made in my life, you are not one of them."

He nodded, sighing in contentment as she combed her fingers through his hair. She held his gaze, her eyes were much more tender now. "You lie to me one more time and I'll leave for good, got it?"

"Got it," he spoke softly. "Thank you."

She frowned, taking a deep breath. "I want to sleep alone tonight, just to clear my head. Is it okay?"

"Y-yeah, sure, I'll sleep in the guest room," Harry said quickly. Though he wasn't thrilled about sleeping alone, he believed giving her some space could be a good idea for now.

Y/N shut her eyes as she gently brushed their noses together and walked past him toward their bedroom. She felt his eyes watching her go, and something came to her mind as she stopped halfway, turning back to look at him.

"Were you disappointed that the kid wasn't yours?"

"Of course not," he answered right away though the question was unexpected.

"Really?" Her one-word question was filled with doubt.

He sucked in a breath and flashed her a reassuring smile. "Yes. I only asked Kierra to take a photo because...because I knew how much you loved kids. I wanted to show it to you after I've explained everything...I don't know why she recorded a video."

Y/N said nothing more. He wasn't sure if she still believed him after all the secrets he'd kept; however, he was glad she'd come forward instead of keeping it to herself.

"Goodnight," was all she said before going to their room. The door fell shut, the flat fell back to silent, but the thoughts in his head were deafening. How could he go to sleep?

Harry was appalled when Kierra asked him where Y/N was. Just like all the other girls he'd been with, Kierra had never shown any interest in getting to know his 'boring' flatmate, or the fact that he was living with a girl he'd claimed to have nothing to do with. But the first thing she noticed today when she entered his living room was that Y/N wasn't here.

"She's probably babysitting the kid upstairs," he said, thinking the girl would just move on to a different topic, but he was wrong.

"She told me she was making a Halloween costume for that kid."

He widened his eyes at her. "You've talked to her?"

"Yeah, the other day I came over to see you. I had to wait for too long so I left."

"Oh right, she did mention that." He nodded, pointing to the tie-dyed curtains. "Y/N made those. I told her it was a waste of time and she didn't listen. But I think I'm kind of in love with how they look now. She's very good at this stuff."

"Yeah, I see." Kierra giggled. "That's why I asked her to make me a Halloween costume, I'm gonna be a sexy nurse. Can you believe she agreed to do it for free?"

The girl probably expected a different reaction so her face fell as she saw how upset he was. "What? You don't look happy." She smirked. "Role-playing is so hot don't you think?"

Harry let go of a sigh and removed her hands from his chest. "You can't just ask my flatmate to make you clothes for free, Kierra."

"She said she'd be happy to do it."

"She'd say anything to make everyone happy, she's Y/N!"

"Okay, chill! I'll tell her I don't need it anymore. Are we good?"

He stayed quiet for a bit and nodded. "Thank you."

The silence gradually sank back in, adding more weight to Harry's heavy thoughts. Maybe he'd overreacted a bit. To be honest, he couldn't explain it himself. He always felt the need to protect for Y/N even when she wasn't around, for he thought she could never do it herself. It almost became a hard-to-change habit.

"She's a sweet girl," Kierra spoke after a while.

"She is," he agreed, not adding anything else.

Still, the girl continued, "she's so shy though, she needs to go out more."

"That's just how she is." Harry shrugged, trying not to show how annoyed he was. She was getting on his nerves with all this talk about Y/N. "She hates crowds, there's nothing wrong with that. But I hope I can convince her to go with me to that Halloween party."

Kierra was taken aback, and Harry was too. He couldn't believe he was careless and stupid enough to say that aloud. He had no control over his words, thoughts, and actions when it came to Y/N. Though she wasn't here, it was her fault that Kierra knew way too much.

"You two are going together?" Kierra asked, looking slightly puzzled.

He stuck out his bottom lip and gave her another shrug. "I haven't asked her but...Yeah...she needs to go out more, right?"

"Right." The girl pressed her lips into a forceful smile, and then she changed the subject.

"Linen or beige?"

"That's the same color!"

Harry's response made Layla growl. At this point, she'd already run out of patience.

"Are you fucking color blind?" She almost shoved her phone into his face, pointing to each of the two photos aligned side by side. "This is linen. This is beige. Pick one!"

"Uhm...linen I guess?"

With a sigh of relief, she gave him a solid nod. "Okay, beige then."

"Are you serious?"

"What?" She shrugged. "I don't trust your and Niall's opinion so it's easier to go for the opposite."

Breathing into his palm, Harry checked his watch for the third time since Layla entered his office. She'd promised it'd only take around five minutes of his time, but now it's been fifteen and she had only finished choosing the wedding tablecloths. She didn't care how bored he seemed and went ahead to show him two different types of flowers and told him to pick one.

"Ahh, I don't know. Whatever Niall chose."

"I didn't come all the way here to hear what Niall thinks, asshole."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes and pinched his forehead. "White roses. Classic."

"They're Gardenias!"

"Look like roses to me." He chuckled at the look on her face. "Did Niall also choose them?"

"Yes." She shot him a glare. "But at least my baby's an intellectual who knows the difference between roses and Gardenias."

"Lucky you," he teased, only to receive a middle finger in response. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be at your store? It's not even lunch hour yet."

The girl gave him a proud smile as she put her phone away. Thank God, he thought.

"Unlike you, I pay people to work so I don't have to," she said, making him chuckle. "But fine, I'll leave. You can get back to work now."

"Wait," he stopped her before she could walk away. "Has Y/N told you anything lately?"

Layla pursed her lips. "Nope. I thought you two had gone back to normal. It's been several days since the secret child thing, right?"

"Well, yeah, she finally let me sleep in our room two nights ago. But well, I mean, she tries to act like everything has gone back to normal, but it doesn't feel that way to me. She wasn't even home when I woke up this morning. Something's still off."

"Give her time." Layla waved him off. "She's probably still upset. I wouldn't blame her though. Your crazy neighbor threatened her that one day she'd find your assistant sucking your dick, and now the girl you used to fuck is your assistant. How convenient is that?"

"That's bullshit. You know I love her more than anything in the world."

"I know." Layla snorted as she rolled her eyes. "You love her too much sometimes that you forget love comes with trust. By the way, if I were you, I'd fire that bitch."

"I can't just fire an employee for no reason, Layla."

"No reason? Well, first off," she raised a finger, "if you just want a hot assistant for the aesthetic of your office, I'd be happy to fill her shoes, because this bitch is shit at her job. She didn't even stop me when I walked straight in here."

"She knows you, Layla."

"No, bitch, she didn't even see me. She was on the phone with a friend talking about a bikini wax. And if that's not a good enough reason to fire her, she's also obsessive, has no respect for people's personal space and she hates your wife."

"You don't have proof that she sent that video to mess with Y/N."

"Yeah, I fucking do." Layla nodded quickly, crossing her arms. "She literally told me back in uni that she hated Y/N. She knew Y/N had feelings for you, so she asked the poor girl to make a sexy Halloween costume for her just so she could strut around in it and flirt with you when Y/N was around. How's that as proof?"

Harry's expression dulled for a moment before he could speak. "Are you serious?"

"Oh God, how oblivion could you be?!" Layla exclaimed. She sat up straight, placed a hand on her chest, and took a deep breath to keep herself from exploding. "Look, I love you—"

"You do?"

"And I will mess up your perfectly symmetrical face if you interrupt me again."

"Sorry."

"Where was I? Oh, right. I love you, but you could be really stupid sometimes. You're overprotecting Y/N from anything but the things and the ones that actually hurt her. This Kierra bitch is just another Rose in your life, pun intended. She's a psychopath who deserves no sympathy. Like my family marriage counselor used to say, 'three's a crowd, and any problem that arises from a third person is always much harder to fix'. And that man was a genius. Most of my parents' arguments were about another woman and now they're divorced, and me, the product of that failed marriage, is miserable."

"I'm really sor—"

She put up a hand to stop him. "Save your sympathy for Y/N. Want my advice? Fire that crazy bitch and make up with your wife."

Just like that, she clicked her fingers in front of his face and picked up her handbag to go. He watched in confusion as she stopped at the door.

"You don't have to thank me for saving your marriage by the way," she said with a cheeky grin. "Just bring me the most expensive wedding gift you could find."

"Miss, where do you think you're going?"

Y/N looked at the redhead she'd never seen in her life, though confused, she asked, "is Mr. Styles in his office?"

"Have you got an appointment?"

You've got to be kidding me.

"I'm his wife."

The girl squealed so loud that everyone turned to look at her at once. With her face all red, she quickly apologized for her behavior and almost knocked over her own coffee when she bumped into her desk. Where did he find this kid? Y/N thought while keeping a straight face so the girl wouldn't feel more embarrassed.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Mrs. Styles," she said fast. "Mr. Styles is having lunch with a client. I don't know if he'll come back to the office after."

"Thanks." Y/N sighed. "But I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm his assistant, Marie," the redhead said with a beam. "I just started today."

"What happened to Kierra?" Y/N's eyes narrowed with confusion.

"She got transferred to a different department. Uhm...HR, I think. I don't know much, today's only my first day," Marie said while fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse.

Y/N couldn't help but wonder, why had her husband replaced someone as experienced as Kierra with someone entirely opposite, like Marie here? Still, she said nothing more than wishing Marie good luck and a good day before making her way back to the lift.

As she walked past some employees enjoying their pizza for lunch, she wondered to herself if she should get something to eat before calling Harry. But the warm feeling suddenly rising in her chest sent her straight to the ladies' room.

She stumbled like a drunkard to one stall. She kept swallowing, but it didn't go away, and she could already taste it at the back of her mouth. With each step, her throat clenched and ached more and more. Hot tears spilled from her eyes when she dropped on her knees and emptied her stomach in the toilet bowl.

Yup, she was definitely sick.

But why?

She'd been eating fine and exercising regularly for the past month, but she felt like her health was getting worse. Her body had turned on her this morning when she woke up with nausea clawing at her throat. She hated being sick, but she hated skipping an important workday more. So she'd left the flat before Harry woke up to make sure he couldn't convince her to stay at home.

But then, for the entire morning in the office, she missed him terribly. She sat at her desk, constantly thinking about how she hadn't got a chance to kiss him goodbye. And then she almost she burst into tears. This wasn't like her at all, and she blamed her being ill for her acting out of character. She couldn't wait until she got to see him. She needed to see him right away. However, with her condition, maybe she should just go back home and call it a day.

Y/N flushed the toilet and dragged her heavy feet to a sink to wash her hands and mouth. That was when an employee entered the room, looking shocked to make eye contact with her in the mirror.

"Kierra," Y/N spoke, throwing on a smile. "Hi."

She thought it was a must to always be polite to her husband's employees, even the special cases like Kierra here. But this woman didn't need her politeness. Kierra walked straight to a different sink to reapply her lipstick. The only interaction she'd made with Y/N so far had been that cold stare when she first entered.

"I heard you got transferred to HR," Y/N said, looking at the girl who paid no attention to her. "It must be fun. The manager is a sweet lady."

"Just stop faking it, all right?"

"Sorry?"

Kierra put the lipstick back in her purse before turning to face Y/N. "I know you talked Harry into getting a new assistant. So don't pretend to be the girl next door here. I'm not buying that crap anymore."

"Wow." Y/N scoffed, raising both hands in the air. "I have nothing to do with any of my husband's decisions in his company."

"Clearly." Kierra rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on her hip. "You just never grow up. You're still as insecure as you used to be."

"Excuse me?!"

"You were scared of how much Harry enjoyed being around me and my baby girl that you had to find a way to get rid of me."

Y/N laughed wryly, shaking her head as she said, "was that why you sent me the video? To show me that I'm the one who's scared?"

"No, I did it to piss you off." Kierra gave her a shrug. "He came to me first, hoping that my baby was his. It's not his fault that you can't get pregnant."

"How do you—"

"Oh, everyone knows." She smirked. "This rumor has been circling around for a while now, but judging from your reaction, I suppose it's not a rumor after all?"

Y/N's face contorted as the realization hit her like a train. "So you heard the rumor and purposely applied for the job, then you made him think the baby was his to get his attention."

"No, I was just lucky. Maybe we were meant to meet again." The bitch gave Y/N a cold, hard, plastic smile. "You know, the day you and I had our first conversation, I was actually there to tell him that I was pregnant. I thought the baby was his. If he hadn't been so crazy about you back then, maybe I would've stayed and let him believe he was the father. But if he was really the father of my baby girl, would he have chosen you over a real family?"

"Okay, you're obviously sick in the head," Y/N said as she picked up her bag, but Kierra stopped her at once.

"If I were you, I'd work harder to fix my marriage."

That's it, Y/N thought to herself as she turned around, her eyes glinted with rage. The fear was obvious in Kierra's expression as Y/N stepped forward and stopped when their faces were inches apart.

"My husband is a CEO," she said with a straight face, "and your husband doesn't exist. So don't lecture me on how to fix my healthy marriage, when you can't even fix your life. The next time I catch you trying to sabotage our happiness will be the last day you show your face in this company. You understand me?"

Kierra blanched at those words, her mouth fell open. But Y/N didn't have time to wait for a nonexistent response or comeback. She turned her heels and walked out with her head held high. Layla was right, she thought, smiling smugly. This feels fantastic!

Harry was working late again.

He'd been dead in front of his laptop to prepare for the important meeting tomorrow. This was a meeting that would change the future of this company. Just one more day, he thought to himself, one more day, and he'd go home early and take Y/N out on romantic dates like he used to. She surely would love that. After all, the only reason he was working hard was for her and their future. Everything he did was for her. One more day, and he'd have his old life back.

Those lovely fantasies kept him motivated and concentrated. It was only until his mother called to ask about him and Y/N that he realized how late it was and he should probably head home.

Strange. It was usually the thought of going home to his wife that made him sigh in relief, but now he was gripping the steering wheel, anxious as he could be. Maybe he'd been over-analyzing everything. Maybe it wasn't even that bad. Maybe she'd been having some bad days at work. Maybe she still wanted him. He reassured himself with those thoughts as he stepped into their flat.

The living room was dimly lit by the soft light leaking through the gap beneath the kitchen door. His wife should've been in bed by now. Lately, she had overworked herself, thinking he hadn't noticed, but he had. So what was she still doing in the kitchen at nearly two in the morning?

"Baby?" Harry spoke as he stepped in to find a sight he could never have expected.

Y/N was sitting on the floor in her white silk gown, the fridge was open and she was eating the leftovers as if she'd been starved for days. He laughed, shaking his head when she looked up like a deer in front of headlights. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke with her mouth full, "you're home early."

Oh, the sarcasm. He'd missed that.

"Sorry, darling. I got held back at work. But just for today, I promise."

"I hate you." She took another spoon of chocolate cake into her mouth and turned away like an angry little girl.

Beaming, Harry put down his laptop bag to join his wife on the floor. He sat with his legs crossed and his chin on his knuckles. "My assistant told me you came to my office today," he said, his eyes bored into her.

She gave him a slight pout. "Yeah, but you weren't there."

"Did something happen, love?"

"No...I just...I just missed you. That's all." Her voice went quieter toward the end, for she was shy to admit that she'd come to his office because she'd missed him. Little did she know, hearing that made him happier than ever.

He stroked her hair and threw on a soft smile. "If you miss me, you can always call me. I'll drop whatever I'm doing to talk to you."

"I know, but I wanted to see you." Then she put down the empty plate and wiped her hand and mouth with a paper towel. Her eyes had never left his. "Did you miss me?" She asked bashfully.

He nodded fast and picked up her hand to press it to his lips. "All the time."

"Good." Her mouth twitched as she stroked his chin with a thumb. "I like your new assistant. Sweet girl, a bit clumsy though."

"She'll get the hang of it," he said. "I was gonna tell you in person, but you'd already found out."

"It's okay." She pressed her lips together, looking slightly amused. "Kierra didn't seem so happy about it though."

Her comment left him surprised. "You talked to Kierra?"

"Yup, she's batshit crazy. She threatened me, too."

"She threatened you?!"

"It's okay—"

"No, it's not! I'll fire her for that!"

Harry, though mad, was now even more confused when instead of agreeing with him, his wife just burst out laughing. Before he could question her reaction, she pulled him in for a sweet kiss on the mouth and a few others all over his face.

"I wish nothing more than to get rid of her, but her daughter doesn't deserve an unemployed mother." She ran her fingers through his hair now that she was straddling his lap. "But don't worry. She won't bother us again."

"You sound sure." He arched an eyebrow.

"Because I am," she said happily. "All this drama only makes me realize how much we love each other. We should only focus on the two of us from now on, building our own family, living the life we've been dreaming of since college. No one else is allowed to change that."

He chuckled. "Three's a crowd, yeah?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I hate crowds."

Slowly, Harry leaned in to kiss her again and then pressed their foreheads together, smiling contently.

"Oh, wait," She pulled back as her eyebrows snapped together. "One last question about Kierra."

"Go ahead, love," he said, laughing.

"If she hadn't left, would you...would you have fallen in love with her?"

To her surprise, he cracked up. "That's an easy question. Of course not. Why?"

"She was so good at pretending like she wasn't a shit person that I actually liked her. I assumed you would've fallen for her, given more time."

"Nope," he asserted, lips curved into a smile. "I was already in love then. How could I have fallen for someone else?"

"You were in love with me?" Her face lit up.

"No, with our handsome gay neighbor Ben. Of course I was in love with you, Y/N! Why was that even a question?!"

The couple immediately dissolved into laughter Harry held her to his chest and kissed her forehead. He felt so much joy at this moment that he didn't want to ever leave this kitchen floor. But then sadness clouded her face again, and her voice nearly cracked as she spoke, "I love you so much it hurts sometimes."

"Aww, babe—"

"I'm sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye this morning. I got sick, and had to leave for work before you found out, so you couldn't convince me to stay at home."

"You were sick?" He felt her forehead with the back of his hand, his expression hardened.

"I still am, I think. I-I threw up twice today, and now I can't stop eating and I even start crying for no reason," Y/N said tiredly as she scooted closer to nuzzle her nose against his neck. She even grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers, as if she couldn't get enough of him. Harry loved these intimate gestures, he loved how clingy she was now, but a part of him still found it concerning because she'd never been so needy.

"Also, the smell of pizza makes me wanna vomit," she quickly added. "Maybe I should see a doctor tomorrow. It might be food poisoning."

"Baby?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't...uhm...I don't think..."

"What?" She pulled back a bit to study his face.

He squeezed the hand that was holding his and looked deep into her eyes. "I don't think it's food poisoning."

That was when realization dawned on her face.

"I'm...pregnant?"

#flatmate!harry #ceo!harry #husband!harry #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst

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ofaheadstronghealer · 4 years

Text

Alma Bio

I know we have official bios but until that was posted I thought I’d temporarily post this to help with interactions, please feel free to message me if you have any ideas for plots or connections or what have you! :)

FULL NAME: Alma

AGE: 36

OCCUPATION: Healer/Slave

CHARACTER TRAITS: (+ Clever +Kind Hearted , -Headstrong - Insecure )

LABEL: The Phoenix

GENDER + PRONOUNS: Cis-female, she/her

BIO

(trigger warning: implied sexual assault)

Alma, an unusual name for an unusual girl. There has not been a moment in her life that could be described as ‘typical’ or ‘normal’, perhaps that is why for most of her life being normal had been something she’d craved so desperately until she would come to understand the true power in being different from the rest. Something her mother had always understood.

Alma was born a fatherless child. Not literally, of course, but in the sense that the man who is her father was not her mother's husband nor was his identity ever known to the girl or to the others in the village in which she grew up. Being branded a ‘bastard’ was her first taste of this ‘otherness’ that she would come to experience her whole life, being the daughter of a woman who was suspected by many of being a witch….well that certainly didn’t help matters. When Alma thinks on it now she finds proof that God has a sense of humor, how hard she fought to be unlike her mother and yet how like her she later became. Alma isn’t a witch, not one of the barbarians ‘Volvas’ or one of their ‘seers’, and neither was her mother before her but that mattered little to the townspeople she grew up around. They were pariahs for her whole childhood, ostracized by the community until one of their people needed a healer with skill unmatched by any other and then only under the most dire of circumstances would they accept them with open arms. Alma wouldn’t realize that until she was much older, a naïve thing desperate for acceptance she would bask in it no matter what the price for as long as it lasted. Sometimes at night she would kneel before her bed and pray, pray to god to show the truth of her innocence to the people so that she might live among them as kin and not be regarded with such fear. The first time God answered her prayers she was but the tender age of 14 and she was shown his power...as well as his cruelty. Had she known the price that God would make her pay for her freedom she would have been more specific in her prayers, would have extended the prayer to her mother as well but alas she was selfish as children so often are and did not think of such things. A life for a life, her mother's death for her freedom. She still remembers the way her mother’s hand felt upon her cheek before they brought her to the pyre, remembers the tremble in her voice as, for the last time, her mother told her that she loved her. Alma was forced to bear witness to her mother's death, forced to stand there as she was engulfed in flame and pleading for her life. Suddenly acceptance didn’t matter so much to Alma, all she wanted in that moment was her mother back.

The years following her mother's passing were difficult in many ways and brought many changes, on one hand she was welcomed back into the community as a show of the villagers' mercy but on the other she was an orphaned girl with no family and no prospects. Her mother had not raised her as a proper lady, she was not educated in the things a girl should be and though everyone around her agreed she was beautiful she was far too clever and her reputation too marred to make a suitable wife for anyone ‘such a waste of a beautiful girl’ they’d mutter as though that were supposed to make Alma feel appreciated. Perhaps other women if put in her position would have simply bowed to fate but not Alma, she had too much of her mother in her for that. If she had no use as a wife then she would find another way to have use, to make herself indispensable so she could not be so easily cast aside. In what she would later realize was a bold move she became a healer like her mother before her though unlike her mother she was more careful in how she was perceived, cautious to never show up the men around her, to curb her clever tongue, and to never perform acts that could be considered miracles and later used against her. She couldn’t really say in any sincerity that she was truly happy but it was as close as she’d ever gotten, she was valued and though people looked at her sometimes with pity it was better than the terror she had become accustomed to in her youth. If only she’d been able to save her mother than perhaps it would have been perfect. Alma lived this way in the village for many years, alone but accepted as much as she could be. That all changed the day they showed up.

The day of the raid was like any other, Alma had been making her rounds attending to the villagers when she heard the screams. At first the healer thought it was simply in her head, it wasn’t unusual for the painful memory to surface; it had been haunting her for years, but it grew in its volume and intensity and soon it became clear to her that they were not the screams she remembered hearing as a child. Of course they’d all heard of the Vikings and their ways, how they would often raid and pillage and kill everything in sight, but as every other town did they never thought they would be targeted. She was still in the house of a patient when it happened, the person too weak to realize what was going on and certainly too weak to fend for themselves. Alma is no saint, she will not deny if asked that there was a moment when she simply considered running and trying to save herself but one look at the pathetic state of the woman laying there and her mind was purged of that thought. She could not abandon her. Alma helped the other woman to the back of the house, hid both herself and the woman in a dark pantry not easily seen and for the first time in a very long time Alma prayed ‘Please God protect us, see us through this, save us’. God answered Alma much like he had the time before, granting her her wish but always with a twist. The Vikings that crashed through the house at first appeared as though mindless beasts that had not the capacity to think beyond destruction and for just a moment Alma thought herself and the woman safe. She was made aware of how wrong she was when rough hands tore her from the safety of the pantry, a foreign tongue that she couldn’t understand flooded her ears but she understood the tone well enough. The only thing that got her through the assault that followed was the sight of the other woman, frail but still hidden. Safe.

Alma doesn’t remember much about the journey that led her to Hedeby, she tries not to think about it. She can recall her captors dragging her back to show the horde their prize, remembers her feeble escape attempt just before they threw her on one of their boats. The rest of the voyage was not memorable, she kept her head down as much as possible on the boat and simply listened. Though she could not understand all of what was being said at some point in the journey she managed to make out that they were going to one of their cities, a place they called ‘Hedeby’. Alma was not certain what to expect, what would become of all those they had taken including herself? Would they be killed? Sold? The thought was frightening but she did not let it overwhelm her, simply continuing to listen and do as the Vikings bid. When Alma was brought to what appeared to be an open market in chains with the others she stood silently as they were inspected by the market goers. As time passed and the other villagers were distributed it became clear to the healer exactly the position she was in, she had always been a slight thing and while that had not been looked at negatively back home it was becoming clear that as a slave she was probably the most unappealing of the bunch. Death, it seemed, would be the escape that God would deliver her. It was not to be so. Much to her own surprise she was bought by what appeared to be a family of little means meaning that they had little to trade and therefore she was the only one they could afford, the man looked brutish, as they all did, but was not unkind in his handling of her. She was in their service for a few years, quietly observing the customs and language of these strange people with whom she now resided, but knew it would not last, she was a healer not a farmer and unsuited for the physical labour demanded of her and every day she grew weaker. It was a miracle of God when one day as she was working the fields a man emerged from the forests and collapsed before her clearly wounded, it was pure instinct when Alma leapt into action. Over the next few days there grew a small gathering of Vikings who watched as she tended to the man, they appeared intrigued by her methods some of which were unknown to them. Unknown to Alma the man she eventually ended up saving was someone that the King of these Vikings held as a very dear friend, King Ragnar demanded Alma be brought to him at once. Alma entered the great halls of the Viking King with the family that had bought her but she did not leave with them, word spread not long after of the healer from a foreign land who was now under the ownership of the King.

That was many years ago and much about Alma has changed, she still bears the status of slave under King Ragnar and his family but as their personal healer she is treated with a great deal more respect than most slaves. Though sometimes she finds herself longing for the familiarity of her old home Alma has managed to settle somewhat among the Vikings and has found respect for some aspects of the way they live their lives and is, in some ways, more herself here than she ever was back at home.

EXTRAS

- Due to how her mother died and having been forced to watch it Alma has a deep and intense fear of fire.

- She can fully understand the Vikings language but she still cannot fully speak it

- When first she arrived at Hedeby Alma was incredibly quiet but since being raised to the royals personal healer and over the years becoming more settled she has let more of her true personality come through, she has a clever tongue and a headstrong nature and does not feel she’s in such a precarious position anymore that she must hide those things though she is still cautious with who she shows it to

- Although she acts like she’s over the whole wanting to be accepted and loved thing she is very much not over it and longs for a feeling of home and belonging and love.

- At first she hated the Vikings and saw them as brutes and barbarians but now for the most part she has let go of that view though there are still moments where she considers them beasts

- One of the first things she noticed and loved about the Viking culture was how they treated their women, coming from a place where she was only looked at as a thing of value through marriage and the fact that she had a brain frowned upon she was secretly impressed at the freedoms Viking women were afforded.

#Bio #temporarily here until the official one gets released :)

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psychedelicviews · 5 years

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- I leave others before they leave me - Deep down I am really scared of opening up to someone, so I always keep my distance to everyone I meet and sometimes this is the reason why I am missing out on great personalities cause I spent too much time protecting myself - I love the hours around 3am and 7am. There is something so peaceful about the way that the world is sleeping and the moon and me share the night - When I care for people, I give them everything I have. I remember how they drink their coffee, what Cds they would love to have, if they need something they can't afford right now or give them books they might need in their situation. Sometimes this turns into a curse cause not many people know how to appreciate or even realize all of that. It can be heart wrenching sometimes. - The guys I have been with, have all been a reflection of my father. Even though I always act like the absence of a father figure never affected me, in reality it did. Sometimes it hurts me knowing that I have never and never will feel what it's like to have a father. The first man that broke my heart before any other guy ever could. And because that part was missing, I went looking for him in other men, trying to fix them cause I thought that would fix me. - I never get jealous. That is something I am really proud of, cause I used to be such a toxic person. But as I got older i realized that love means freedom and that loving someone means loving them for being who they are and not for being with me. - Even though I keep a low profile, I am a very social person. I crave deep conversations. I need them just as much as I need to breathe. I love to see the world through the eyes of others for a moment. - I lack many things due to my upbringing. And sometimes I get mad at life cause I never had the chance to be taught certain things. But then I remind myself that my mother did everything that was in her power and abilities, now it is up to me to detach myself from the parental strings and learn whatever is missing. - I am a fucking hopeless romantic. Ever since I was a kid I've been watching Indian Movies, and the thing that fascinated me the most was the way they portrayed love. As if it was a prayer or art. Something pure. So up to this day, I still believe that this kind of love exists, that is unattached to physicality. The purest form of love that doesn't require a connection between bodies but rather between souls and minds. - I am the most stubborn person ever. If you make me upset, I go completely silent and you won't hear a single word from me. Sometimes I wish I had less of this attitude but I can't help it, I've been like this ever since I was a kid, I get mad when people can't read me like I read them - I love appreciation but when I am friends with someone and I know that they're insecure about themselves, I will step back and let her/him shine. - I hate attention and I cannot deal with compliments. The ones that I can definetely not handle, are the ones based on looks. But if someone compliments me on my art or my personality, that's one of the best things in the world. - I am deeply in love with summer rain, like heavy heavy summer rain. And the smell of it when you go outside afterwards. - I feel the most peaceful when I am looking at the moon and the stars, that's when everything falls into place for a few minutes. - I don't like chaos, when I'm in a group and everyone is speaking I usually go quiet to keep the balance in the room. - I love when I can talk to a person but also be silent with em. And when that silence isn't awkward and rather peaceful, that's how I know for myself, if I like to be around this person or not. - I feel as if I belong to the ocean, the sky, the universe, anywhere but this planet. Sometimes I think I am too caught up in my own world, but somehow I love it. When people are talking about the most irrelevant things, I just zone out and in my mind I leave this place of monotony. - My fav color is yellow, it's the happiest out of all of them. - After my last relationship, I relapsed into not trusting anything a man says. I don't like the feeling of it, tbh it feels poisonous to be so critical towards men. But after opening up to this one person so much and to have your soul abused so many times I can't help it at the moment. I know I am on my way to change but I am not rushing things. I believe it is normal for me to have these trust issues right now. - I always act like I didn't hear or see a something, but in reality i do. I really see and hear every single thing lmao. I just don't want other people to get uncomfortable or feel like they need to justify anything. - - Sometimes tho I wish, that I could just confront people with their behaviour and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. - I have a scar on my nose cause my little sister threw a car toy on my face when we were little. Anyways, in the summertime it looks like a freckle and i love it. - I dream when I am wide awake. I love looking at people, guessing their stories, and smiling at someone who may need a little love. - I am the most nostalgic and melancholic piece of shit ever, I keep every single thing to remember the smallest moments. - I am a really big observer, and in my past relationships this has been really complicated for me to cope with cause I get hurt by very small things but don't say anything about it either. - When I listen to or make music, thats when my heart is alive more than ever - One day I hope to be loved the same way that I love - I talk too much when I am high so sometimes I stay quiet so I don't say anything stupid lmao. - I am not good at talking but when I write poems or songs that is when the words just flow - I love love love cucumbers and iced coffee - I wish I had a “Just *** Things” list from all of my friends, cause these little details get lost along the way and I think thats what makes a person really themselves. I wish I knew everything. - I love when someone makes me a Playlist or sends me songs, that is the most beautiful thing anyone can do for me. - I am a subliminal communicator, people don't get it tho but when someone does it is the best thing ever. You don't need words to speak no more. - I love my freedom and I love people who love mine just as much as they love their own. - This list is endless -

Just Lu Things ☽

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myhi5hli5ht · 6 years

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Junhyung's Interview for Elle Men Hong Kong April Issue

Please credit darkgreyyy if taking out. There may be inaccuracies as this entire thing was not proof-read! If you would like to talk about the male god of producing within Korea's idol groups, G-Dragon is considered first, and he is second. The composed work published by him surpassed 100 songs two years ago. Composing songs for the group, composing songs for teammates, composing songs for other junior and senior singers, composing songs for himself, his group's title song is always anticipated by everyone. <Don't Come Back>, a collaboration with female singer Heize that was released in 2016, was steadily in the top 10 of music charts even after a year. He is BEAST's musical soul, Highlight's member Yong Junhyung. Revolution of Freedom When Yong Junhyung is mentioned, you cannot not mention formerly BEAST, that is now Highlight, being an idol group, their contract with their former company expired, in order to have more decision-making power for their activities in the future and more freedom, they decided to form their company, Around US. From being a singer, to becoming a boss, it’s really not an easy thing. [It’s really not an easy decision, and we clearly understand that this situation is not something that only the 5 of us alone can achieve. To the fans who have always been waiting for us, their energy has also brought us strength. Of course, among all these there is also the factor of luck, in order to succeed ultimately. Honestly, in the situation where we were unsure, insecure, and unpredictable of the company’s establishment, and there is no confidence to do this again, we found it miraculous when it was completed at that time. We would also like to thank everyone who supported and believed in us.] Even though the five of them together made the company shine slowly, Yong Junhyung’s roots did not change. [There is a change in identity, not a big change in mentality, but the responsibilities have increased, and we became more cautious. As the company only has a group of singers, Highlight, even if something little happens, we will be careful in handling it, consider the impacts and how to deal with it. I also would like to have good communication with the company’s staff and will work harder in the future. Even though I’ve always thought that the 5 of us are a community, but now after we established a company together, I feel that we are even closer, and are like a family. From BEAST till Highlight, counting the period where we were trainees, adding the 9 years after debut, I have really been with the other 4 members for a truly long time. It has been almost half the time of my life, and we will continue to go down together in the future. I feel like I have really met the right friends, and sometimes I will think, “If I didn’t become an artiste with these few friends, what would I be doing now?” There were many people who asked me this question too, and I really cannot think of it. As I can’t think of it, so I know how important they are to me. Because we are together, we could accomplish what I cannot accomplish by myself, so I am always thankful to them. Even as we are doing our own activities now, like how I am doing an interview alone now, I am always thinking that there is only me now because I had them at the beginning. In the future, I wish I can go down with them happily and interestingly.] Treasuring the feelings of the five Highlight members, on a whim, Yong Junhyung had things he wanted to tell the other members: [Dujun, actually you were not a person who really knows how to go forward as you are not used to rejecting or saying things people would not like to hear and your heart is soft. So, I am really thankful that you have always lead us diligently. I have always felt sorry towards you as well, but I always believed that you will do a good job, so I will follow you well in the future too.] [Yoseop, outside of music you are good as well. We chat a lot, and we chat about everything, we also talk about our inner thoughts. When there are no activities, I meet you the most, and as we work out together, we also talk a lot while exercising. Just by chatting with you I receive comfort, so I am really thankful.] [Gikwang, you are really positive, and when times are though, you are able to give me positive energy. Sometimes you come over to me wittingly or unwittingly to give me a pat on my shoulder. You are definitely a friend that is full of affection. During group activities, I really received a lot of energy from you.] [Dongwoon, you are originally the youngest, you always give in to the hyungs, no matter it being intentionally or not. Sometimes you would rather give up your interest as you are always thinking for your hyungs. I am really thankful towards you, and it is really interesting and happy to be with you. Therefore, we often laugh because of you. When it comes to work, you are very truthful, and your thoughts seem to be more mature than mine. You are a very nice little brother.] The Freedom of a 30-Year-Old Yong Junhyung, who always feels that he is not growing up, unconsciously is about to become 30 years old. If you say that being a 20-year-old was an obscure period, a man’s life map should be formed slowly after 30 years of age. As a free-spirited Sagittarius, Yong Junhyung still wishes to be the teenager who is chasing after his dreams. [I don’t know if I have changed after reaching 30 years of age, but when I look at it, it seems like only the figures on the age has changed. Till now, I still cannot believe that I am going to be 30 years old as I feel that I am still not grown up. I myself am also curious how people will view the 30-year-old me. I also ask the people around me, “Do I look 30?” None of them said I looked like 30, so it seems that only the age figures have changed. Maybe it is because I am fond of playing like a kid, and I also make mistakes occasionally not like a mature adult. Maybe in my heart, I do not want to grow up. Also, I am secretly afraid in regards of my producing that I will not be able to keep up with the times as I am older, so in my heart, I always hope that I can maintain a young state of mind and healthy views. There is a feeling of the entire person being reequipped, as the things of the past, the regrets or parts that felt unfortunate, even though they cannot be changed or erased, but after reaching 30 years old, it seems that I can have a renewed state of mind and use a better method to handle the same matters and to minimise damages to these matters. People all say at 30 is an age where you become more dashing. I hope I can become a person who is more dashing.] Semi-free Conductor [People say I am a little aggressive, very sensitive, and very sharp, but if you know me for long, then you will know that I am definitely not that kind of person. The friends who are more familiar with me asked me if I specially am like that, because the feeling when we first knew each other and after we are accustomed to each other was way too different. Even though it was not on purpose, and at the same time, I never specially wanted to act cold towards other people, but as time goes by, after passing the stage of just knowing each other, sometimes, the relationship between people becomes harder to become close. It is a little embarrassing to say this from my own mouth, but I am actually a person who values relationship. The strong point of me is that I know how to distinguish right from wrong, and to distinguish what I like and hate. I am also like that when I do my work. But sometimes, when I have put in effort, and I found out that the other party’s thoughts are not in line with mine, I will be calm and take resolute measures. I will not foolishly continue to put in my efforts.] Yong Junhyung does not deny that he is free-spirited, but as for if he’s a 100% free falling body, he does not dare to admit. [Even though I am free-spirited, but there will be self-control to some extent, so I should be considered to be half free-spirited. The definition of freedom to everyone is different, some people think if they do whatever they want then that’s called freedom, and to some, freedom is when there is no control to a surrounding situation. I am someone who tries to develop into the direction of freedom in any type of condition, but not to the extent where it derails, and I am not someone who will say that I feel very restrained in a certain situation, and that I do not have freedom. I do not have that perception at all. There are many things where I don’t like where I have to conform to a standard. For example, when I am under pressure, I will not initiate that I will have to do something to destress. It may be when I am with good friends or meeting with people who is able to give me positive energy, chatting with them, listening to their suggestions to me, drinking a little alcohol. Or it can be at the composing room not creating and not working, but just relaxing there or having a joke and chat with my friends there. Through these little things, my stress has already naturally disappeared.] 2018 New Outlook [I have many plans in store for 2018, on 22 March I released a new song <Sudden Shower>, together with the famous musician 10cm’s Kwon Jungyeol. In the first few months of 2018, I did not appear a lot. The fans said they are very sad, till the extent where some were worried about me, asking why they can’t see me at all. Actually, I have been preparing a lot of things at the back. Because I cannot say them out in advance, I felt that it was a pity. By the time it reaches, everyone will naturally feel that there is a value of anticipating, so please do not worry, have a peace of mind and wait a little longer.] Freedom of Music Left Blank [I would like to use the object <painting> as an analogy for Highlight’s and my music. For Highlight, it is a painting that is rich of colours, and there is nowhere in the painting that is left blank. For my own music, it looks more like a painting that has no colours, like a draft sketch. During Highlight, the members use their own colour, matches well and is presented like that. It’s music that is completed, and the process is interesting and joyful. For my own music, everyone can use their own perspective to listen to it. It can become everyone’s own song, and everyone can feel that they are listening to their own story. I hope that these two types of work that were created by me, can be interpreted as such.] Talking about the inspirations of creating music, it is for sure that Yong Junhyung has endless ideas. [Inspiration draws from different aspects, for example, when talking to other people, watching a good movie, drama, when watching a good plot, I will put myself in the shoes of the plot, and think about what I will do in that situation. Imagining the content will also become an inspiration for my creations. Although my benchmark for judging good music is ever-changing, there is one point that has not changed, and it is also the most important criteria for a good music. That is, the resonance of everybody, and when the listener listens to the sound of the music, it should appear in the mind like a picture in a movie. That is then considered to be a good music.] To Yong Junhyung who has released over 100 pieces of work, it’s like free-falling when creating music and at one’s fingertips. But there are times where it stumps him. [Generally speaking, the title song in the album is the quickest and easiest to successfully complete, so the time needed is the shortest, and it is the easiest to come out satisfactory. On the other hand, the ones that need the longest time to produce, the easiest to encounter a bottleneck, are those filled with my affection towards fans, the songs written for fans. Because there are too many things I want to say, to be able to express it well in a song that lasts a few minutes, a lot of time is needed to be spent.] Please credit darkgreyyy if taking out. There may be inaccuracies as this entire thing was not proof-read!

#beast #b2st #highlight #hi5hli5ht #junhyung

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whitetrashbeautifulxo23 · 3 years

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Do players fall in love?

Yes, we do.

But there is something you need to know about us ‘players.’

We’ve been let down a lot, we’re broken deep inside, hurt. We’ve loved before, we’ve given before and we’ve been taken granted before.

I’m not just talking love as with women but in every aspect, from very young age, from sisters, brothers, parents, friends, school, college and world around us, we have been hammered.

From early on we feel dissappointed and as we get older we build like a strong steel shell around our hearts, emotions and feelings. It’s why you see us always happy, playing around, flirting, being fun, outrageous in our flirting with girls and later women.

We do that because it helps us forget the horrors, the pains, the insecurity and also the fear that maybe we are not supposed to be loved at all.

You won’t see it in our face, you will think we don’t care about what you say but whatever you say and it hurts, it will hurt us but we don’t show it. We’ll pretend we are strong but really we are dissappointed you let us down.

We’d hope you be someone different. We hoped that you’d be the one who can help us heal. We’d hope you’d be the one who doesn’t play the mind games and accept us for all our bs and someone who isn’t going to try and fix us.

We hoped you let it happen naturally and without deadlines of relationships and just love us, instead of pushing for a relationship, for this and that because you got to make your dad, mum proud, or show off to facebook friends and instagram.

As lovers, for loyalty we are number 1.

If you look at us even with our gang members of friends, if you can see and look into our relatives such as brothers, sisters, mum and dad; you’d see we care a lot. You’d see we’re like dark knights putting sometimes our own feelings aside to inspire them and help them, and sometimes it does backfire, so another dissappointment for us.

You’d see we help our friends quietly and when someone dies, you will not see our pain in our faces. You’ll just see us with hands in our pockets or leaning on a wall, or just standing a bit further as everyone is showing choas with their emotions.

We’re just waiting when we’re alone and then we will crumble and no one will see our tears, or how we feel.

And sure, you want to know why we don’t show our feelings to you if you’re a woman.

It’s because we don’t trust women.

We have seen what many women do to men who open their hearts to them. We have seen men who have helped someone they like, who spend time, money, heart felt conversation and emotions for weeks, months and then the same women when this guy asks her out, she punishes him by going with someone else.

We have seen being open with our feelings is not good at all with women.

We have seen this even as teens and what girls/women say about they want someone open with their feelings become nothing more than empty words.

We have seen how girls, women will say they love a man, they adore him, they promise love, life long relationship, that he is their life, their light, their saturn, moon, jupitar, sun and moon, and heaven but then she will just like that turn on him, devalue him, hurt him because she lost interest in him, or she used him for attention because she was bored, or she wanted to big up her self esteem, or she found some other interest in another guy.

We as players have seen women play with men’s hearts, emotions, goals and dreams, that it has destroyed some men.

And women will not do that only when they grow up, lose their youth that they settle down, handle their emotions and realise time is ticking, and it’s time to stop with these games, this chase for emotional feelings at the expense of someone else’s life.

That’s why we cannot take girls/women words seriously.

You don’t know but we are extremely fragile.

We are extremely sensitive.

We have very deep emotions and we are always in our heads, replaying the memories of the past, of the pains, of our dissappointments, of our failures.

We reply the memories of that guy who was innocent, naive, who believed in pure love, who believed that he will find someone who will love him, and he will live forever with her, and she will never desert him.

But we have buried this young man under a debris of hurt, dissapointments and memories of girls who have failed to live up to their words.

Some of us weren’t born players.

Some of us didn’t just get up and say, “I am going to be player.”

Many of us have become what we are due to seeing how it really is in world today. Girls, women fall in love with the excitement, with the rush, with the confidence, with the imagination and yes, we now use all this to attract the girls, the women.

Can you blame us to not show our emotions?

Can you blame us to not make it easy on you and hold our words about love, about comittment?

It takes a long time for us to fall in love with a woman. It takes time for us to comitt and we cannot allow any woman to believe she got us because she may try to devalue, she may try the same games others have done unto us.

She will always know we are good with attracting women, at sex, at all the things many men are not. She will know we have wide range of options until we are sure, very sure, that she is genuine, she is real and even then, we will still be on our toes, just in case.

That’s why it will take time.

A woman cannot do what she does to other men, she can’t push it with love, she cannot come out with “what are we,” and she knows she can’t because she knows we are players, so she has to be patiant. She cannot do the fixing and changing because she knows if we smell she does that, we are moving on.

We don’t like drama.

We don’t want anymore drama in our life.

So if a woman got issues with their parents, her self esteem and some fantasy that love happens fast, best to clean that up first.

If you snap at us, we will dissappear.

If you listen to your friends who judge us, we will know. It’s why women start acting up and start saying..

“what are we?”

We know what women want to hear. That we don’t see them as a sex object but you objectify us every damn day.

You objectify us with power.

You objectify us with status.

You objectify us with our looks and style.

Many girls never gave a damn with us when we just normal type of guys because we were not exciting enough, powerful enough and didn’t have status.

Now we do, we are blamed for not being attracted to them or we are blamed because we don’t see sex as some matrimonial or relationship contract.

Now we get blamed from nice guys, to nerds, to girls and women who all want to fix us, all want to point the blame on us for their failures.

Our armour is strong and you’ll not see us just lowering our defenses so easily.

If she makes anything a big deal, from even sex, we know she’s playing, we know she’s insecure about something, we know she thinks sex is something to use and we know she fears being judged, slut shamed or the guy dissappears when sex happens.

So we know, she wants to control us and that’s why we move on.

But as time goes by, layer after layer, if she doesn’t do that, we shed our steel armour.

It will take time and if the woman cannot wait, that’s fine by us. We have others who want to try but the one who doesn’t push it, who doesn’t try to frame a relationship or comittment and just flows with it, is fun, outgoing, is someone we like to be around with, is someone that makes us forget the world out there and our nightmares even for a little; she will see our true face.

She will see we are deeply romantics, lovers, who want to fall deep in love, we who want to be her hero.

But she has to first be the players hero.

And that’s what so many women don’t get.

Instead of that, we are labelled as bad boys, players, fuckboys but we are someone’s son, we are someone’s friend, we are loyal to someone and we are there protecting someone or some people but all the women say or see is player, bad boy, fuckboy because of what?

Because we are going to play by their rules.

We are not going to just suddenly show our emotions, get comittment, be in a serious relationship on their deadline, on their program.

If we are fuckboys, how many guys these women been with, one after another, and they call that monogamy?

Moment women think that, we know, we see it in their behaviour and we see this lack of trust and suspicioun.

It’s not something new.

We know this pattern, we know it’s words, we know it’s behaviour, we know it so well that we can identify it when it happens.

If love is a chase, if love has a deadline, if love is something you are planning and not cultivating, nurturing, then forget us players.

Choose some guy who will easily believe and fall for the words of love.

But we can’t.

We won’t let someone destroy us anymore.

That steel armour with many layers is going to stay up until we find that one woman is compatible in many ways with us.

Be our best friend first as a lover.

Be someone we know we can rely on.

Be someone who isn’t going to fix and change us and let it happen in the natural way.

Be someone who is consistent because you need to be as it will take longer with us to trust, fall in love with you for real.

Yes, we fall in love but we don’t just do it because she’s hot, she’s good at sex and she’s saying she loves the guy.

She’s done that already with other guys who lay broken behind her.

When we decide to fall in love, it is serious.

When we keep coming back and back talking to her, when we text lots, when we call, when we are willing to do things that even she won’t do, she should know this player is serious but moment we find she acts distant, moment she starts doing what many do, we will easily, without a thought, move on but we will feel deeply hurt.

We won’t give her a chance again.

There is no answer on earth that can tell you how to get us players back because that is why, we have options.

That is why we remind women, that she is not the only one until she shows us that her player can be the only one for her and doing it natural not forced, without fixing and changing, and games.

0 notes

moonraccoon-exe · 7 years

Note

Fem 30s ignis headcanon pleasee >

I am so sorry for taking so long, dear anon. Racc had technical difficulties. :((

I’ve been wanting to do yours for a while, I adore Fem!Ignis! I literally have nothing particular in mind for this, so it’s all going to be random and as it appears in my head. Let’s see what happens! ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

Apology in advance for typos, this is not second-read/corrected.

Thanks to yuu-be-good and expectogladiolus for giving me a hand; some headcanons are theirs, some are really just addition to them. Not tagging so none feels forced to read, but giving recognition for the help. ( ´ ▽ ` )

Fem! Post journey, WoR and 32 y.o. Ignis random headcanons:

32 y.o. Fem!Ignis wears sport bras on a daily basis.

They’re easier to put on.

Fem!Ignis doesn’t need sight to put on a normal bra, but they do offer a little more struggle, and she’s tired of struggling with everything, so, sport bras for the everyday.

22 y.o. Fem Ignis was already used to sport bras, but she only wore them along the journey when there was long walks and battles ahead. On a casual gear, she wore normal bras (it’s etiquette).

But WoR Fem Ignis does this switch for practicality.

Besides, she feels a little more secure in them; they cover more than normal bras, so while normal bras don’t show off too much and she knows that, it’s the blindness what makes her insecure on it at first and makes her feel more comfy in that switch.

Fem Ignis keeps the hair short (relatively).

Satan @yuu-be-good had this terribly heartbreakting pretty darn awesome idea where Fem!Ignis cuts her hair after going blind, go read that stuff.

So, after that, Fem Ignis rarely lets it grow.

It’s practicality, on a side.

On another side that she rarely speaks about, Fem Ignis feels insecure of letting it grow again only to figure she’s still “useless” to comb it.

At some point during WoR, Fem!Ignis is encouraged by Cor and Aranea (individually) to let it grow again.

Even though none talked about it together, both Cor and Aranea feel like having Fem!Ignis let her hair grow again may give her some needed confidence.

Fem!Ignis agrees.

Fem!Ignis is constantly having her hair combed by Aranea.

Fem!Ignis eventually cuts it again, but in a much less painful (emotionally speaking) way.

This time she’s not cutting it out of anger and the sensation of being useless, rather for real practicality.

“When Noct comes back, I’ve got to be ready to fight at his side. I think I prefer to spend my time re-learning how to fight than combing my hair. Besides, I look fantastic with short hair.”

That last part of “I look fantastic” was definitely a joke.

Welp, there you go, Fem!Ignis gained confidence again.

So now you know; 32 y.o. Ignis keeps the hair relatively short, I guess down to the shoulders is fine like in this pretty jewel I ain’t ever stopping to share lmao.

You better not be disgusted by me touching these matters because you asked for Fem!Ignis and really the differences are mostly biological because it’d be the same if I was talking about normal Ignis if I didn’t include this stuff so:

Her period.

Post Altissia Fem Ignis is majorly insecure about her period.

If the rest of the gang are boys, she has twice the reasons to feel insecure.

She hadn’t thought about it until it first happened after her injury, but after it there’s the same subject haunting her:

‘What if I stain my clothes and don’t notice?’

‘What if I didn’t put the pad correctly and the stain goes through my clothes?’

‘I cannot let the others see that. It’ll be embarrassing for me and for them. They won’t tell me because it’ll make them uncomfortable, and with good reasons. Not like I can help my nature, but I understand they will be uncomfortable. And so I’ll walk around all day with the blood stain on my pants. Better not wear any skirts, not anymore, what will I do if a drop…? Gods, this is a mess. Ignis, you’re just putting a pad on your underwear. It’s not like the world will end. It’s not difficult. Just put it on…it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine.”

It sounds a little stupid, but really it’s a new and pretty big struggle for her, being so reserved and such.

When she had her period during the journey to Niflheim, she couldn’t stop being paranoid about being stained all the time; she had no one to ask that wasn’t the boys and she didn’t want to make them uncomfortable.

Not knowing if she was clean or stained almost drives her crazy every day.

It was Gladio who first approached her.

‘Iggy?’ now it’s a whisper to her ear. ‘You’ve got a little stain. Don’t worry, I’ll walk behind you to the room so you can change.’

Talking about her period and pads wasn’t a stranger subject before Altissia, but hearing it after it is a little…different.

The way Gladio’s handling it just like before, so calm and understanding, reassures her.

It’s even more reassuring, even though it’s also a little painful, that Prompto too started handling that matter.

He and Noct weren’t as used to those subjects as Gladio, or didn’t show themselves to be; the journey was constantly filled of “Ew” comments about those biological girl things from the youngest ones, never as a serious disgust, but still.

However, after Altissia, Prom starts talking about it if needed.

He’s not flinching or making the ‘Ew’ comments when Gladio mentions Iggy needs a new pad; Prompto just asks where they are and unpacks it for her.

Fem Iggy felt ashamed of thinking the guys would be disgusted; of course they’d be this supportive, dammit.

These boys love their Iggy, will want her to be as comfy as possible in those days.

During WoR, and after parting ways with Prompto and Gladio, Fem!Ignis takes years to wear a skirt ever again.

It’s being in double darkness and in a world where everything is in chaos when humankind either goes full smart to survive, or, on the other side, full animal, and…well, she was never scared of that before because she could stab anyone, but the double darkness and living among so many strangers and away of her friends is a bit frightening to think about. Considering her looks.

I mean, she knows she can still stab anyone that tries to force her to anything, it’s not what they try to do to her.

It’s that they would try.

It’s the fact that she’s visually scarred and noticeably blind what makes her fear it will make bad men think she’s vulnerable and try to harm her in some way.

She’s not scared of men, she could murder five all on her own, but it’s the mere fact that one could even dare to try what frightens her.

The world is bad enough as it is already, no need to remind her there’s bad people too.

Biggs and Wedge become good friends to her; they grew up with Aranea since teenagers, so they’re pretty fond of befriending women.

It seems like these two have a passion for befriending women who could murder them using only a nail, really.

Don’t worry, both are fantastic friends that never mean any harm or second intentions.

Speaking about nails, Older Fem!Iggy stopped attending to them.

At least during WoR.

She didn’t use to paint them, but she did use that polish thing girls and some guys use to make them sparkly and resistant, but after going blind she just stopped.

Sometimes, if she gets to see Cindy or Iris during WoR, they may paint her nails just for fun.

Tbh Fem!Ignis enjoys those little moments; makes her feel like a relatively normal teenager discovering make-up at a sleepover with friends, and not the blind woman in a world with no sunlight and filled of daemons and danger.

When Fem!Ignis, just like normal Ignis, started re-learning to do all that she knew before her injury, she had constant breakdowns during the first months of it.

You know, like any other person beginning something that they struggle with; to try and try and try and give your best but really you don’t see any progress, so it’s frustrating.

It includes cooking (as suggested by yuu-be-good).

Even though she re-learned mostly with Monica, she too asked Takka to help her start cooking again.

It once happened that, after weeks and weeks of thinking she’s not progressing, she found she had overcooked a dish and had to leave toanother side of the bar to try to contain herself, but started silently crying anyway.

It’s not just a failed dish. It’s this immense, terribly huge sensation of being useless and this horrible sensation of not progressing in this terrible world after losing her dear friend and brother Noctis for who knows how long, all concentrated in the goddamn fucking overcooked meat.

She thought she’d be ignored, the restaurant was mostly empty.

Wrong; these hunters saw her and, instead of pity, they were rude and made mean comments.

They had no idea about all the things listed above and they thought Ignis was jsut crying for that failed dish, so they started commenting.

“See, this is why women should stay indoors and behind the safety fences; they’re too emotional and too fragile and sensitive to be hunters. They say she’s trying to be a hunter, but really she’s just weak. Crying for a piece of meat. I’d tell her to stay in the kitchen, but she’s useless there, too.”

[[[It’s very rare for this kind of comments to be ever heard in any part of Eos in these modern days (we in the real world should learn from them, huh), so hearing a troglodyte speak this shit is like seeing a shooting star. Except it’s ugly and disgusting, but eh.]]]

Fem!Ignis heard them.

Ohboi.

Fem!Ignis is so triggered.

Fem!Ignis is so stopping the tears, calmly exiting, and returning with a dead Anak an hour later.

The hunters just look at her without a single scratch and lance in hand and suddenly she’s cooking some of its meat and serves it to them.

“Enjoy your food, gentlemen. And an apology for taking so long, but seen as none of you have been able to get a single good hunt in the past two weeks, there was nothing to cook and had to get my useless arse out of the kitchen to get a decent hunt myself. I hope it doesn’t taste like sensibility and fragilness.”

You don’t call Ignis by Useless, she’s triggered.

Enough about WoR Fem!Iggy, let’s see how our post-game 32 y.o. Fem!Iggy is doing.

32 y.o. Fem!Iggy has mastered braiding hair again.

It took a couple years, but now she’s gotten it.

She still keeps her hair short, but she enjoys to braid her friends’, Gladio included (and if the man lets her…which really isn’t any difficult to get).

Post-story Fem!Ignis sometimes likes to let Iris “pretty her up”; whether it’s some formal party or just a random occassion (not to speak about the anniversaries’ to Noctis’ birth and death, which have become formal celebrations in Lucis), Fem!Ignis likes to meet with Iris so both dress together.

Even though Ignis’ hair is much shorter to what she used to have it when younger, Iris will find ways to make some bun out of it.

“How do you do this when you’ve had the hair short yourself for most of your life?”

“It’s magic, Iggy.”

Iris is in charge of Ignis’ make-up.

Fem Ignis has stopped to ask for “something very subtle” because Iris will anyway do whatever the fuck she wants.

Don’t worry, Ignis is comfy with her work.

“Not like I can see it, anyway.”

Don’t be so rude, Iggy.

(she’s not, don’t worry. She loves Iris, but does feel a bit embarrassed thinking of the things Iris could have done to her face, because, whatever Iris does, it always drags so many stares to Iggy. She doens’t need to see to feel them).

Speaking of which; 30′s y.o. Ignis is embarrassed about make-up (only with time and a lot of a stubborn Iris insisting every time there’s an special ocassion to dress up could fix it…is still fixing it. But in reality Ignis feels embarrassed about it).

It’s not that she doesn’t like that but…

“I feel…when you can only put shadow and mascara to one eye, I feel a little ugly, Iris. Asymmetrical. And if you tried to put some to the scarred one, I’d just feel even uglier. Burnt, wrinkled, scarred skin with make-up. Not the most…enjoyable of sights.”

She doesn’t find herself to be ugly all the time, but she thinks that when everything is dressed and decorated to look five times the prettier and then you add to it the left side of her face, it’s just making the ugly much more outstanding too.

Goddammit, Ignis, you’re a radiant woman, stop it.

It’s why, whenever there’s those kind of parties or events, Ignis really likes to be accompanied all the time by any of her friends, Iris, Gladio or Prompto as preference, thank you very much, just for some confidence.

As suggested by expectogladiolus, 30′s y.o. Fem!Ignis doesn’t like the idea of owning a pet.

She’s got an amazing independence to herself, but she’s still blind, nonetheless, and can’t do some stuff; hence, she feels that taking care of a pet is a responsibility she shouldn’t take.

“I get your point about how it would keep me company, Prompto, but really, this precious dog would be attended much better with a sighted person. I don’t want any pet to struggle because I struggle with them.”

But, Fem!Ignis loves Prompto’s dog, and Gladio’s.

Whenever the three meet and the dogs come along, the doggos forget about their owners and tackle Iggy.

She’s always petting and scratching them.

Btw, Prom’s doggo is Umbra.

30 y.o.’s Iggy still wears gloves most of the time even though she doesn’t have to drive or fight anymore.

Her sensing skills are very developed, and not just in hearing or smells; touching can get a bit overwhelming, because not only doees she feels more when she comes in physical touch with something, touching is also the most most of sensing.

So, gloves that is.

30 y.o.’s Fem Ignis owns and enjoys of audio books (as suggested by yuu-be-good).

Tbh she feels a bit embarrassed/shy about ahving someone reading to her……unless it’s Gladio or Prompto.

If it’s any of her boys, then she greatly and very dearly enjoys to be read to. She feels comfy with them, and when any of them reads to her it doesn’t feel like they’re doing it mechanically, like reading machines, no; Gladio is enjoying the books himself, sometimes Prompto too, but what Ignis really likes is that it really feels like they reader fo her. That they understand what they’re reading, not just reading it, and that they’re doing it only and just for her.

Anon, do you ship Fem!Ignis and Gladio?

Because damn hell I DO and you cannot stop me:

30 y.o.’s Ignis and Gladio have gotten back together post-game.

Whenever there’s those parties or minor events in which Iris likes to put make-up on Fem!Ignis, it’s Gladio, at nights, who helps clean it off.

Parties and some events tend to end late at night, so Iris has long left somewhere else (at her own place, perhaps, now that she’s 25/older?).

Besides, it’s not like Ignis would like anybody else to take her make-up off.

Gladio’s often kissing her head as a way of, with time, make Iggy comfy about her hair.

I should explain, back in younger days, Gladio liked to take locks of her hair and kiss them, sonow that they’re back together, Fem!Ignis spoke about letting it grow again.

Gladio simply kissed her head instead, and insisted no matter what haircut Iggy has, he loves it; that kissing her hair was never meant to show love for it, it was a way of showing love for her.

Even though it was never a subject they talked about in younger years and even though it’s not something they’ve talked about now post-story, Fem!Iggy has given a lot of thought on whether she’d like to be mom or not.

On a side, she’s scared at the idea of being mom because of her sight (as suggested by expectogladiolus).

At some point she asks Gladio if he’d like his own family.

“I’m not telling you what I want until you tell me what you want, Iggy. Knowing you, you’d give up your own dream, whether it’s having kids or not, just to please mine, and no way am I letting you do that, Scientia. You tell me first, then I tell you what I want, and I won’t lie about it. Promise. But you first.”

It took a while, but soon she opened to him about it.

“On a side…I do kind of wish to. It’s you. It’s us…but, on another side, I’m insecure on it. I don’t want to put the pressure of a blind mom on a child. It’s supposed I take care of them, not them having to help me.”

You’d think Gladio is going to feel pity? Nah man, he’s going to laugh lowly and kiss Iggy on the scarred eye.

“And since when do you need help with anything, Iggy? You can’t see, true, but you don’t even need to. Iggy, you fought and killed an ASTRAL like this. A child is no troubles.”

“To be sincere, a child frightens me most than any Astral.”

Fem!Ignis is a bit insecure, but eventually admits she’d like it.

“You know, Iggy” Gladio whispers, “I’d like it too.”

And that leads us to this from long ago: http://moonraccoon-exe.tumblr.com/post/161893118378/idk-about-but-i-do-really-like-to-think-that

30′s y.o. Iggy is fantastic, okay.

Goddammit, I love Fem!Ignis.

I hope this gets close to what you wanted, anon? And I dearly hope you see it! If you can, I’d be grateful if you let me know that you saw this.

I had fun with this. Thank you! ( ´ ▽ ` )

#i feel i'm forgetting something #too late don't care #gotta go to bed #does that rhyme #did i just make a poem #coon is a poet #coon will go curl in bed naow #...after reblogging stuff #because yeah i'm deep in ffxv hell stilla fter #*deep breath*#*dramatic voice*#after all this time?#*more dramatic voice*#always #*sobs*#fem ignis #fem!ignis #what am i forgetting tho

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rambles-n-tumbles · 7 years

Text

Proposal

Pairing: Kim Seokjin/Jung Hoseok

Genre: Fluff, Established Relationship, Slight Feelings of Angst

Word Count: 1,656

Summary: Seokjin and Hoseok hoped to spend a casual day at the mall. They didn’t expect to leave with tears in their eyes and a ring on a finger.

The weather was finally cooling down as summer attempted a shift into autumn, the heat waves succumbing to the cold breeze that came and stayed in town for longer than a day. But the sun remained high as Hoseok threw on a sweater, rushing to meet Seokjin at the door.

“Why are you always ready so quickly?” Seokjin smiled, shrugging as he locked the door behind them.

“I don’t know, why are you always so slow?” Laughing, Hoseok climbed into their car, putting the keys in as Seokjin climbed into the passenger seat with a chuckle.

The two made it a habit to get ice cream on Thursday afternoons when the prices were low and people flooded through the mall, eager for discounts and slashed prices as the two sat by watching their interactions. It was a simple task, but one they found amusing, watching people walk in circles as they grew lost, hearing stories told by teenage girls who thought no one would hear their gossip and the occasional employee running after a dog that escaped its crate in the pet shop.

“What do you think we’ll spot today?” Seokjin watched cars drive by, people window shopping and children playing on swing sets as Hoseok stopped at a red light. “Maybe a parent losing their child?”

“I think it’s a good day to watch a temper tantrum at the toy store.” The light changed, Seokjin swatting Hoseok’s arm as he smiled innocently. “What? It’s true!”

“Those are never fun, I always feel stressed afterward.” Hoseok glanced at his boyfriend, watching the crease form in his forehead. “Those poor parents.”

“I don’t know, I would say those poor kids.” Seokjin sighed, rolling down the window slightly as Hoseok turned into the parking garage, the mall in sight as the two watched a large family walk out the main doors, a child dangling from his parent’s arms as he screeched about a new toy.

“Really, what a poor child indeed.” Hoseok rolled his eyes, Seokjin chuckling as they parked the car.

“Shut up.”

“Isn’t this so much nicer, Hobi?” Seokjin managed to drag Hoseok through three stores before convincing his boyfriend that they needed caffeine in their systems to people watch.

“I guess, but I could do without that shot of espresso.” They found a small bench between the pet shop and the toy store, hoping to watch some smiling faces and maybe hear some good gossip from the teens that tended to regular this corner of the mall.

“Shush, it’s what really makes you wake up before the gossip starts.” Right on cue, a group of teenage girls scattered inside the small pet shop, one sticking close to a young shop employee. “Oh, I think we have our first sighting.”

The teenage girl tried asking the older boy a question -something stupid, Hoseok was sure- but instead got pushed by an older man into the box of dog food, spilling it on the floor. As her friends hurried over, the manager had been handling one of the dogs, causing the dog to jump out of her arms and right at the girl currently panicking to clean up her mess. It quickly became a disaster of hair flying and dog biting at the girls hands as the manager and young employee tried to separate the two, the girls friends trying to convince them both that ‘this doesn’t happen normally, please you should date her’ as Hoseok and Seokjin cringed from their spot on the bench.

“Wow, I’d hate to be in her position.” Hoseok choked on his coffee, turning to glare at his boyfriend playing coy on the bench beside him.

“Because you’re perfect, right, mister ‘I know all about technology, let me just break your phone twice and then ask you out’?” Seokjin turned a dark shade of red, his ears burning as Hoseok chuckled into his coffee cup, taking another sip as he watched the young employee help the teen fix her hair, though they both knew the damage was done.

“I didn’t think you would say yes, I thought I’d never see you again so I just said it,” Seokjin grumbled into his own cup of coffee, the whipped cream sticking to his nose as Hoseok looked at him questioningly.

“What are you talking about?” Seokjin shrugged, suddenly nervous as his boyfriend slid closer, watching his face for hints. “Why wouldn’t I see you again?”

“Because, you’re cute and I’m just, not?” Hoseok wanted to laugh, really he did, but he knew there was no humor in his boyfriend’s voice at all, the sudden confession catching them both off guard as they looked down into their coffee cups, Hoseok waiting for an explanation. “I just thought you were so funny and talented when I saw you dance I just knew there was no way you’d find something interesting in me.”

“Seokjin.” Hoseok sighed as his boyfriend shook his head, avoiding all eye contact as Hoseok continued. “How could I not see something interesting in you? You’re incredible.”

“Oh yeah? How?” Seokjin wanted to pinpoint where his sudden anger came from, where had these emotions and insecurity spout from? Hoseok had been nothing but generous and this is what he gets in return? Insecurity? Seokjin wanted to take it back, opened his mouth to apologize, but Hoseok beat him to it.

“You’re dedicated to everything you do, no matter what anyone else has to say about it. You’re dependable for anything and everything, to the point that sometimes people rely on you too much but you never say no because you know they have your back when you need them too. You practically raised your little brother and JK knows everything he does because of you, you even made sure he was getting himself set up properly before even looking at your own life. You wake up way too early to make sure I’m on time, and never leave before making sure everyone has what they need. You’re incredibly thoughtful and do everything so wholeheartedly that no one ever believes you’re lying. Do you know what it’s like to be dating you?” Seokjin couldn’t breathe, he didn’t know how fast his heart was beating but somewhere in Hoseok’s words it became an erratic thumping behind the brown in Hoseok’s eyes and suddenly all Seokjin knew was Hoseok.

“It’s unbelievably incredible being your boyfriend. It’s a blessing in every single way from being able to hold your hand to be the one who you run to when something incredible happens and makes you shine from the inside out. It’s the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced to see that smile every single morning and I don’t know why you would think I feel anything but grateful to be able to be with you every single day but if you’re feeling that way then I must be doing something wrong.” Seokjin wanted to cry and scream and throw something at Hoseok to make him stop falling more in love as he kept talking but all he could do was shake his head as he felt tears fall heavy down his cheeks. Hoseok wiped one away with a gentle smile, moving to put down his coffee cup and dig in his pocket as Seokjin felt his heart drop into his stomach, all thoughts falling away to nothingness as a sparkling ring emerged from the pocket in Hoseok’s jeans. The jeans he made sure to wash every week, the jeans he bought with Hoseok on their fifth date, the jeans that held a ring he had never seen before but somehow it seemed incredibly familiar as he realized what was happening around him as Hoseok’s voice filled his entire being once more.

“I must be doing something wrong if you feel anything but completely and utterly loved, so let me make it up to you. Let me wake you up every morning as you smile that gorgeous smile after an incredible nights rest. Let me hold your hand as you walk into the world, bold and proud of everything you are able to accomplish. Let me be the one that holds your every worry, every fear, and every insecurity, and let me be a part of the plan to make them your strengths. Let me love you every single day as though you cannot be loved anymore in this world. Let me be yours.”

The security guards tried to make their way to help out in the pet shop, but somehow became entangled in a makeshift marriage proposal, but no one was complaining as the two men laughed, cameras flashing as the two proclaimed their love for the world to see.

#bts #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #2seok

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sonicpositive · 7 years

Photo

@benignmilitancy:

(apologies for the unfinished art ^^;)

For Fan Character Friday: this is a Nocturnus OC I made as an antagonist and foil to Shadow in my Sonic Chronicles sequel. In the story, he’s primarily known by his title of Consul.

In Sonic Chronicles’ Chapter Six, “Black Hole Sun,” Ix had opened a dimensional rift between Earth and the Twilight Cage that was slow to heal. For the next seven years, it would “spit out” Nocturnus at random. Those Nocturnus who were already trapped on Earth warred amongst themselves and against other forms of resistance, and it was a band of weary children caught in the middle that sought sanctuary with Eggman while he was rebuilding Metropolis.

Currently, the Consul is the leader of the Nocturnus armament that grew from that band of children, and serves the Eggman Empire. Their basic function is to maintain order while the Doctor goes about his business, which may include patrols, item retrieval (or plain stealing), and kidnapping/harming other characters that pose a threat.

Supercilious and austere, he displays a “holier-than-thou” attitude toward most other people (except for Eggman, who he admires and fears in equal measure, and his friend Teukros, for whom he has a soft spot) and responds to complacence with a temper. Preferring to be in control at all times, he is still very much an insecure young man, and does not possess the resilience needed to confront his fears and challenge his own erroneous beliefs.

At a young age, he was appointed head patrol of Metropolis. His hypervigilance and control-freak tendencies make him difficult to shake once he decides to hunt you down. Due to his arrogance he often underestimates his enemies, however, who are much tougher than your average stock. Inexperience coupled with overconfidence lead him to make critical mistakes in combat, and even then he’s inclined to blame others for them. He’s also much more impressionable than he’d care to admit and is often driven by fear, which keeps him well flattened under Eggman’s thumb.

Because of his unwavering though fundamentally mistaken belief that Eggman will help him realize his dream, he aspires to build a Nocturne better than Ix could have ever raised. But at what price? It’s a question he prefers to avoid if he can.

Although the Consul’s skills are by and large limited to the armor he wears, the one advantage he does possess is psychological endurance: a determination to see his goals fulfilled no matter the cost. Beating him down will only give him more motivation to get back up.

A “boy pretending to be a man,” he struggles to think for himself and to establish an identity outside of serving others. Growing up under the influence of a certified madman, he believed the lies Eggman told him; but the doc didn’t so much “lie” as tie an impossible knot of half-truths, making the boy so confused that he basically had no choice but to accept his word.

He’s xenophobic. Eggman played upon his disdain for the Black Arms to cultivate a hatred of Shadow for his own aims. Likewise, he tends to call the rest of the cast derogatory terms like “primitives” and “creatures.” He won’t taunt children, however. His memories of being one are too strong.

The Consul has an unpleasant, abrasive, hypocritical temperament and can’t take teasing/humor well even though he’ll mock others with it. He lashes out as a defense mechanism whenever his beliefs get called into question. Vulnerable and easily strung around by his emotions. Not good at maintaining a poker face.

It’s his inability to see the truth that often has him butting heads with Shadow.

Name: Zeno

Aliases: Consul (preferred)

Alignment: Eggman Empire

Age: 15 (8 at the time of Chronicles)

Gender: Male

Species: Echidna (Nocturnus)

Height: 2′9″ (84 cm)

Weight: 55 lbs. (25 kg)

Place of residence: Metropolis

Weapons/Items:

- A heavy suit of armor whose sheer weight is made lighter by its liquid green energy. It’s primarily used for defense and can deploy short-lived shields, but those will eat up its allotment. Another weakness of the suit is that an advanced Chaos user (such as Shadow) can draw upon it for energy. The energy itself is volatile, difficult to control, and somewhat acidic (can burn the skin, hisses when contacting metal).

- Leech blades.

- Some combustible weapons; flashbangs, explosives.

- A small, collapsible cross-bow-like mechanism embedded within his wrist cuff concentrates the energy inside his armor into an arrow-like projectile. With it, he can melt through metal and other heavy materials.

Likes:

- Control. Taunts enemies when they’re down. - Gizoids. - The Doctor’s inventions and mechs, even if he isn’t exactly clear on how some of them work. Asks often about the state of the Egg Phantom and seems to show some legitimate concern for it. - Eggman, on the rare occasions he isn’t being manipulated by him. - Thinking about Nocturne and its traditions. - Collecting and classifying rocks in his spare time. - Oranges and other citrus fruits.

- (in more complacent scenarios) Listening to stories from his companions, provided they have a point and are worth the time. Boredom was and is a significant part of these children’s lives, and they learned how to entertain one another with tales. Although he himself showed no talent for it, it was easy to gain his attention by telling him something that pertained to Nocturne or the Doctor, and they soon discovered he made a captive audience for their tall tales.

However, more than once has someone gotten smacked upside the head for delivering a less-than-stellar punchline. :P Part of the reason he favors his friend Teukros is that he’s the best and most honest storyteller of the pack.

Dislikes:

- Being forced into a position of helplessness is his number one berserk button. - Ix, Shade and Nestor, all of whom he blames for the Argus Event. - Being called a hypocrite. - Having his authority disrespected/ignored. - Gizoids being destroyed. - Excessive teasing, ribbing, and horseplay. - Feeling weak, dependent. - Feeling out of his depth in general. - Teukros being harmed. - Fevers; sickness. - Black Arms and Shadow by extension. - Most other species, which he considers “primitive.” - GUN. - Excessively warm, bright places. - Snow. (Never saw it before and couldn’t get used to it even over the course of six years. Also considered it a frivolous distraction when some of his men used to stage snowball fights.) - Bad stories; conversations with no discernible point.

Talents/Abilities:

- High defenses. Can take an enormous amount of punishment due to his armor and mental stamina. Prides himself on being able to “outlast” his opponents. It should be noted that his armor does inhibit him greatly, however, due to the fact that it runs on an energy allotment.

- Good at organizational tactics. - Like Shade, relies on trickery in combat.

- Moderate strength.

- He often handles combustibles for others.

Weaknesses:

- Inaccurate. Cannot land many hits.

- He’s nowhere near as fast as Sonic, Shadow or even Amy.

- His emotions tend to cloud his judgement.

- Doesn’t quit while he’s ahead. Not very sensible.

- If his armor runs out of energy, it will immobilize him. Low energy levels make it difficult for him to move.

Personality Traits: Arrogant and unpleasant, sanctimonious. Stubbornly clings to certain beliefs. Determined, impatient, volatile. Immature, reacts with fear and aggression when threatened/frustrated; emotionally and psychologically vulnerable; prone to suggestion. Also verbose and superstitious.

Quote: “Don’t you know? Superior beings have always suffered the burden of having to think for the rest.”

Misc.

- His interest in mineralogy is a leftover hobby from a time he lived on Kron.

- Though you can’t see it here, he wears a bandage on his right quill that signifies his status as Consul. In older times, the status symbol would normally be a copper ring shaped like a serpent.

- He’s the only Consul so far who does not answer to an Imperator, though it’s safe to assume he thinks of Eggman as one.

- Sometimes suffers from heat cramps due to overexertion. He tends to feel hot and seeks places to cool down. That’s why he prefers to schedule patrols at night and to sleep on the floor if possible.

- He is a bit germophobic due to having suffered frequent fevers as a child.

- The semicircle in the middle of his helm is a symbol that distinguishes these Nocturnus from the old Nocturnus. It represents the bisected halves of the moon that Eggman destroyed, and refers to the Doctor’s power.

- He is an auditory learner; prefers to listen rather than read.

#full bio under the cut!! i love how well thought out he is #FCs #submission #Fan Character Fridays

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earthbison · 7 years

Text

I’ve had a lot of realizations over the past year and a half. They just keep coming I guess.

Of course, one of the most crucial realizations has been how selfish I’ve been throughout my life. In both conscious and unconscious behaviour, selfishness usually born from a multitude of dark personality traits. Traits like cowardice, insecurity, jealousy, and desire have all manifested my actions into many self serving actions.

The interesting thing though, is that these haven’t been obvious selfish actions. In fact at surface level, they have looked even selfless.

One of the things I’ve known about myself for a long time is that I’ve been a needy person. However, when this need was satisfied again and again it only evolved into desiring more. In the past I had a greedy bottomless pit that I compulsively needed to fill with love and affection.

This manifested into a constant need for reassurance, as well as putting myself through many altruistic acts in order to be given more love and affection. The strange thing about my past self is... I would do a lot of nice things for other people, selfless things even, but ultimately it was for my own benefit- so that I would receive love. It was in its rawest form- an act of selfishness.

Now this has actually put me through an emotional existential crisis for a period of a few months. I’ve been worrying about if I actually ever wanted to do nice things for others for the sake of seeing them be happy- without me benefitting from it in any way.

I think at this point in my life I can confidently say that yes, I will still do nice things for others, even if I don’t benefit from it in any way- but, I had to get there. By losing friends, familiarity, and having things really be pushed back in my face. It’s brought me somewhere more humble. It’s shoved me into a room full of mirrors where all I can do is gaze upon the flawed being that is myself. When you have nothing in your present, you look back upon your past extensively.

I believe my younger self was very wrapped up in herself. What makes that so obvious is, how I was always in my own little world (daydreaming), being disrespectful to strangers, my environment, being reckless and careless with my friends but then- upon realizing their upset- backpedalling to ensure I would still be loved and cared for. It’s as if she (my younger self) didn’t see a need to help the world unless she got something back from it too. Apologies appeared sincere when really they were for security- sometimes, anyways.

Really analyzing this... its, honestly quite sickening. I could excuse it with a multitude of things like my upbringing and abusive childhood- but why bother? I think I really need to own my past actions for what they have been. Selfish and insincere. Actions made for my own stability and niche in social groups

Have I truly been void of empathy for most of my years? Of course not, I’m not a sociopath. The people who loved me, I also loved in return, and seeing them suffer was always hard- I’ve always wanted my loved ones to be happy. I think my issue in the past was that I didn’t see ENOUGH of what my friends or family were going through because my own needs and emotions clouded my vision. I shared in my friends problems and pain, but unfortunately always thought about how those things related back to me. I wasn’t a considerate or thoughtful person because I was always worrying about my own emotions and needs first. It was only after ensuring those needs were taken care of- was I ever able to step outside of myself for others. (this relates a lot to a toxic INFP/Fi-introverted feeling-type stuff, but I won’t go into that here)

It’s an old fine line, between my selfless sincere actions, and my selfish insincere actions of my past. Ultimately it boils down to the fact that I was more likely to help others if I too got something in return. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve become aware of this and the more I’ve been trying to stay away from it.

So that’s a sum of my selfish realizations.

What’s brand new is an awareness of, well, how self righteous I have been?

This is something I’m still analyzing in the back of my head currently, but overall I think I’ve also been a very smug person. Again, and interestingly enough- in an unconscious way.

Because of course, no one ever has an outright thought of “I’m better than all of you!” without feeling like a dick.

This has been one of those behaviours that’s flared in and out of my personality throughout my life. The sadder I’ve felt? the more humble I’ve become. With a rise of happiness? A strange confidence that triggers some very “preachy” comments and thoughts from me.

Being an idealistic person, I do live in a world of fantasy. In this fantasy world, I’m usually trying to think of what’s best for everyone and society as a whole. Unfortunately this gets bounced off of people I know. I can lecture, sound like a big bushed hippie, be generally preachy, and probably sound like a total knob. At it’s core however, I’m always on an inner quest for peace for others, myself, and humanity as a whole. (that sounds even more hippie but uh.. I mean.. it is what it is?)

This has been one of my traits from birth that’s morphed and evolved again and again. At 11 I was boasting about growing up to be a philosopher and teaching my friend about the constellations and animals. At about 14 I was rejecting gender roles, society as a whole, jobs, men, obviously unintellectual cliche “groups” (ie: jocks, girly girls, etc). My father and I have had this talk again and again, “Why is the world the way it is?” “Why must we fill the roles we were unwillingly given from birth?” “Why are humans the way they are?”

My dad, and my old best friend- we boiled it down to human nature being a crapshoot.

So I’ve grown, constantly thinking about human psychology, analyzing people, relationships, society. I’m almost 24 now- ten years later, and my thought process about all this has further developed. I still reject gender roles, but instead of calling myself a “mowen” (my kid self being a man+woman) obviously I’ve come to realize that all genders are equal, fluid, same with sexualities. Femininity shouldn’t be seen as a weakness, and therefore dressing and appearing feminine shouldn’t be shameful for men or women (I never wanted to do so as a tomboy child) and of course the cherry on top is that human nature cannot handle an artificial ecosystem such as free enterprise, but the reverse being that they’re also too faulty to handle complete socialism.

When I was younger, I didn’t believe in humanity, after getting older and thinking and learning- I wanted to believe in it again. So, what happened? how did this lead to me becoming preachy and self righteous?

In a sense, my beliefs and selfish traits melded into something pretty toxic. I started questioning things such as Justice vs Mercy, and after playing Undertale- my mind just fucking ran with it.

What is loyalty? Can you be loyal and still help the evil become good? I wanted to believe in that. My friend had her own rebuttal, saying if you helped those who hurt your loved ones, you weren’t really loyal, and if you weren’t loyal you didn’t care. I thought about this concept a lot. It ended up turning me into a Jesus Christ wannabe ‘turn the other cheek’ douchenozzle.

The problem with trying to see the good in everyone, including those that harm your friends and family, is that you have to in a sense let go of your empathy, anger, and overall sense of justice for those who have harmed your loved ones. In a sense, if you want to be kind to everyone, you cannot be truly loyal.

“A friend to all is a friend to none.” - Aristotle

The point is really, that you just can’t be human.

I did fight for this concept for a long time though. I thought many problems could be solved by this equation of thinking: violence comes from anger, anger comes from hurt, hurt comes from an unfulfilled need> an unfulfilled need therefore should be the solution. Communication should be the solution.

But my friend was right, it isn’t that simple and some people just cannot change. I didn’t agree with her for a long time, maybe out of personality differences, or maybe out of realistic vs idealistic psyches- regardless in the end I did reach the same conclusion as her.

Help the people that want to change, fight back/reject those who won’t or can’t.

Sadly, that’s just what human nature is right now, and cannot be altered.

So, even all that ^ is preachy, right? But I’m not making this post to “spread my wisdom” like I have in the past. I don’t believe everyone needs to think this way or should either. Unlike my past self, I don’t believe I’m a better person for having these beliefs. If anything, diverse concepts of problem solving are the better way to go.

Bringing this whole thing back to my earlier point however, I did preach all of this nonsense out before, in a very self righteous, “all knowing” sort of way.

I know now though, that we’re all the same. I’m definitely not some all knowing perfect plum of kindness either. My circumstances speak for themselves... I’ve actually been very cold, and very unkind.

And I may have my beliefs, but I know that these beliefs will probably continue to change and evolve over time. It’s stupid to shove them down everyone elses throats. They aren’t better than anyone else’s, and I’m definitely not better than anyone else, far from it, really.

Anyhow, self analytical rant over.

#personal #more self analysis crap #long post is long #don't worry about it

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