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blkkizzat · 8 months

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ꨄ︎『Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader』ꨄ︎

Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader

18+ Minors - DNI

Summary: You shouldn't have left your phone out in the open bestie because now Toji just discovered his cute lil gf has a big slutty imagination and that means you're really in for it ❤︎ . CW: daddy/dilf kinks, humiliation, backshots, outdoor sex, toys, voyerism, breeding, overstimulation, lots of mentions of various kinks, light spanking, light spit play, meta concepts WK: 4.2k Black fem reader coded but no descriptors.

A/N: Y’all can blame my forgetting to take my adhd meds and my hangover yesterday for this one. I was laying on my bathroom floor regretting life choices, waiting on McDs Doordash and thinking up outlines for kinktober when this popped into my head. I thought it would be a quick drabble like 1k words to help my writers block with the "Bumpy Ride" Geto fic but lord knows I can't write shit under 3k, who am I foolin? I don’t even have a song inspo for how spontaneous and random this shit was lmfao but I still had to do a graphic for this one regardless (editing those notifications were hell). Edit- I lied the song inspo is: Girls Need Love Remix - Summer Walker ft. Drake.

Enjoy!

Imagine you are dating Toji and he finds out you secretly write Tumblr smut fics on the low.

He comes over to your apartment one night after one of his ‘jobs’ ran late. He has a key, but is wondering where the hell you are as you usually greet him at the door. Going into your bedroom, he finally hears you in adjoining bathroom shower.

Toji begins to strip down in order to join you but he barely has his shirt off before he notices your phone blowing up.

Picking your phone up off the bed he sees 206 notifications from an app called “Tumblr”.

Toji has no fucking clue what the hell a Tumblr is but his jealously starts to soar. He already made your ass go private on Instagram and deleted your Tiktok dances. He got tired of threatening every loser who tried to slide in your DMs or even leave a comment for that matter.

Imagine his surprise when he unlocks your phone (of course he had made you give him the password) and instead he finds out his new vanilla-as-fuck girlfriend is actually a kinky cockwhore who loves writing character x reader stories about fictional men plugging any n' every one of her holes. Sometimes it was multiple men simultaneously, with their massive cocks bullying your readers until you had them crying. Not to mention them fucking you absolutely stupid in every scenario imaginable, with a huge daddy kink/love of dilfs to top it all off.

Y/N clearly has type, Toji thought smugly as he saw some art on your page of these animated dilfs that looked similar to him.

But goddamn, some of this shit even he hasn’t considered doing with you yet. Honestly, he’s been holding himself back for your sake as you had been pretty shy at first. His sweet naive little college girl, yet here you were a filthy closeted slut this entire time.

Tsk, Y/N been holding out on me, eh?

At this point you were probably a bigger freak than he was, he mused with an arched brow as he scrolled through what you called your ‘masterlist’.

It was nothing but a collection of pure unadulterated filth.

More than anything though while going through your Tumblr, Toji is rather impressed at how popular you are. He reads your intro post where you deem yourself the ‘Self-proclaimed DILF Smut Queen’ and an evil grin appears on his face.

Toji abandons his plans to join you in the shower and he waits for you on your bed while he links-surfs through more of your so-called fics, drabbles and thirsts.

You made your own little pictures to go along with your dirty stories too? Aw, what a sneaky yet talented little whore he had.

ꨄ

When you finally exit the shower, wrapped only in a big fluffy white towel and your hair pulled back into a ponytail, you are surprised to see Toji sitting shirtless on your bed.

Toji had promised to be here hours ago. He never even sent a text saying he would be late and you’ve been bored waiting for him all evening so he could give you some of the attention you've been craving.

Your body is already warm from the shower and your legs rub together as you are already feeling a bit horny just seeing him bare chested.

Walking toward the bed you are eager to go pounce on his lap. That is, until you see it’s your phone he’s scrolling through again without your permission.

You loudly sigh which made his head snap up to look at you.

You’re so ready to tell him off again and remind him your Insta is still private and you only use TikTok to mindlessly scroll, not post dance videos anymore when gives you a dangerous look.

You stop dead in your tracks.

Your eyes grow wide as saucers as you recognize what he’s actually looking at when waves your phone around tauntingly in his hands.

No.No.No. Not this. Please god, not this!

But your worst fears are confirmed when he starts reading aloud with a huge shit eating grin.

“You moaned loudly as you threw your head back and bucked against him hungrily. You knew you had to finish quickly unless you wanted his wife to come home to discover the babysitter on top of her husband, making a mess all over his face. His thick tongue lapped into your drenched folds and he spread your puffy pussy lips wider to suck and nip at your swollen clit….”

Your mouth was agape in shock. You were a deer in headlights.

A million and one thoughts raced through your mind as Toji continued on. He swiped over to the next one, this time a daddy and breeding kink drabble.

“Or how ‘bout… ‘Take it all like the good little slut you are for daddy, Y/N’. ‘N-No daddy, please I can’t cum anymore!’ You babbled as you succumbed to the overstimulation of him ruthlessly breeding your stretched cunt and filling you as you squirted on his dick for the fifth time that night…”

You could only continue to stand there and gawk at him. This couldn’t actually be happening to you right now.

“Ya really wrote all this nasty shit, Y/N?” Toji teased while still looking at your phone as he found more of your filthy smut to read aloud to you despite the horrified expression on your face.

You of course had written all that ‘nasty shit’ but most of it was before you started dating him, breaking a long dry spell.

You really weren’t one to run the streets and sleep around but you had some kinky ass fantasies and you not getting any action had you needing to express them somehow.

It’s not like you didn’t eventually plan to open up and share a few of your kinks with Toji down the line. But this was a relatively new relationship and Toji was still a bit intimidating to you. Even though Toji treated you with way more care and concern than he did anyone else you’ve seen him interact with, you still had an insecure fear that he would reject you for a few of your kinks.

Your last boyfriend had called you a weirdo for wanting to call him daddy in bed, so you resolved then to no longer share that part of you.

Hell, not even your IRL friends knew what you got up to. Only the Tumblr followers and moots, who you all shared peaceful anonymity with, were familiar with you and your writing.

Fuck. You had finally found the perfect DILF daddy too, you didn't want to scare him away.

You cursed yourself for even opening Tumblr earlier. You did so out of restlessness waiting on his ass to come over. You just were going to read a few fics before you realized you had a story in your drafts you never posted that just needed to be proofread.

Wanting to kill time you decided to edit and post it on a whim, not knowing the mess it would be getting you into now.

“Earth to, Y/N.” Toji snapped his fingers, interrupting your thoughts.

"Where did my perverted baby’s little mind go off to now, huh? So obsessed with being ruined by imaginary cocks you can’t even respond to your own daddy.”

You could have combusted on the spot as you were sure there was more steam coming off you from embarrassment than from the hot shower you had just taken.

But wait– wtf, your frazzled mind just connected the fact Toji had referred to himself as your daddy.

Those words sinking in made your entire body tingle. Your pulse quickened as you chewed your bottom lip and fidgeted with the edge of your towel.

Was he also into this?

The fact was Toji was very into this and you were about to find out just how much he was.

Enjoying your reactions fully, Toji stood up and made his way toward you with a crazed look on his face.

“You’ve written 96 pieces of filth Y/N…”

He inched closer and you instinctively moved back. Every fiber of your body sensing the danger in front of you. You wondered if this is how the targets of his ‘jobs’ felt when he approached them. Toji never lied to you about what he did for work but you never felt like you were his prey, until now.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl, have you nothing to say for y’erself, princess?”

“I-I-I-”, you stumble over your own words. This was all way too much, way too fast, for you to process in order to say anything coherent back to him.

“I-I-I-” Toji mocked your pathetic tone, an evil grin back on his face.

“Lost your words, Y/N?”

Your body instinctively keeps moving back to keep distance between the two of you as he continues to advance on you.

“But you have so many words to say here, isn’t that right slut?”

Toji toyed with your phone in his hand, spinning it around.

“Slut. That’s what you liked to be called in these stories, eh? The dirty slutty whore with a sloppy cunt just ready to slime all over her daddy’s cock, yeah?”

You gulped as your back hit the glass of your bedroom balcony door with a ‘thud’. You had no more room to run while Toji closes in on you.

He pressed both of his massive hands against the glass as they framed your head, his body hovering over you. You couldn’t help but notice how much bigger than you he was as his frame enveloped you and blocked out the rest of the room. You were trapped.

Too nervous to look him in the eyes, you settled for his chest and Toji’s muscles flexed tantalizingly under your gaze. You lost yourself for a moment as the familiar scent of his heady masculine musk invaded your senses.

Your eyes roamed lower and lower before resting on the bulge beneath his sweats and you softly pant.

“You’re staring at my dick like you want me to stuff that pretty little throat cunny of yours full. You aren’t making good use of your mouth right now anyway Y/N, might as well see how much of me it can fit.”

You looked away from him completely but that only ignites Toji's flames more.

“Look me in the eyes little girl...” Toji’s hand roughly grabbed your jaw and squished your cheeks together as he brought his face closer to yours.

“This shy act won’t cut it anymore, slut.”

His intensity was overwhelming you. Various emotions threaten to bubble to the surface as you squirm in his grasp and your eyes become glossy with tears.

“You didn’t think you finally had a man who would be into this wild ass shit, now did you?”

You wanted to question him further but you felt your gravity shift as the balcony door whipped open behind you. Toji ripped off the towel covering you as you practically tumbled backwards onto the small landing buttass naked.

The crisp fall night air hits your dampened skin giving you goosebumps. You shiver and immediately drop down in a crouch to cover yourself.

“T-Toji!! Are you insane?!” You gasped at him in a hushed tone, your silence finally broken.

Promptly, you scan the seemingly deserted neighborhood streets through the railing for any sign of movement or signal that someone else was outside.

To your relief there was no one in sight.

Thankfully this was a relatively quiet neighborhood and no one was ever really out at this time of night. Nevertheless the shock of it all was sending your nerves into overdrive.

“Toji my ass bitch. It’s daddy to you moving forward–,” he roared jerking you up off the ground, “–and we are going to do every single fucking thing your slutty mind has ever fucking written starting NOW.”

Your eyes darted as around him if you wanted to run back inside but there was no getting past his brutish build as he quickly slammed the door shut, shaking the frame.

Frankly, you didn’t know whether to be thrilled or terrified as you had written some depraved ass shit over the past year in the midst of your cockdrought. Some of it you had never even seriously thought of actually doing IRL.

“Let’s start right ‘ere, eh? Did you think I wouldn’t notice the description of the place in your little balcony story matched your own?”

Your eyes almost popped out of your skull as you recalled what you wrote in that particular smut fic.

ꨄ

“A-AH! N-NOOO TOJI, W-WAIIIIIIIT!” You whined through gritted teeth.

You tried (and failed) not to release any noises from the unrelenting backshots Toji was currently giving you as he folded you over the balcony railing. The tips of your toes barely rested on the cold floor as your ass bounced back into him and had your clit throbbing when his heavy balls smacked against the sensitive nub.

You had previously only fantasized about Toji being this rough with you, but now that it was actually happening for real you couldn’t think straight. Your lungs burned from sucking in the frosty night air and your cunt pulsed from his thick girth stretching you open.

Shockwaves ran along your body with every cruel thrust of his hips. The force of it reduced your legs to jelly and you were sure you would have collapsed had he not had you suspended like you were, between him and the railing.

Toji seemed both unfazed by the cold and your cries for mercy as he shushed you with a harsh spank. He enjoyed the way your fat ass rippled under his heavy hand in the moonlight so much he gave you a few more for good measure.

Your tits violently swayed over the edge as one of your hands grasped the railing for stability and the other held your phone in front of you. Toji was making you dictate your story for him as he reenacted the play by play assault on your cunt.

The bright screen you held was near blinding to your teary eyes. You mentally cringed as you knew it would act as a shiny beacon to view your activities if anyone walked by the small apartment complex or hell, even stepped out on their balcony.

“T-Toj- Daddy, w-what ‘bout– neigh-h-b-bor-s?”

You managed to croak out over the sloshing of your cunt and slapping sounds of flesh that echoed into the atmosphere everytime he rammed into you. You couldn’t bear to look around to see if any of your neighbors had started to investigate.

“Pshhh, Fuck your neighbors Y/N! They clearly don’t have a cockcrazed baby to please that writes dirty little stories about imaginary men like I do.”

If you didn’t know better you would think he was actually jealous of the DILFs in your stories too from the way he was sadistically fucking into you.

His thrusts caused your icy tears to run down your face and sent your tits bouncing into the wind. Your cold and neglected nipples hardened in the chill to the point of delicious pain.

“B-but- it's too c-cold out D-Daddy!”

“Mmn, yet your pussy feels warm enough, Y/N. Too hot even. This is for your benefit, you know–,” Toji stated matter-of-factly while he increases the speed his pounding into you, “–So you remember you have your own Daddy who will fuck you anyway you want, anytime you want…just, fuck, tell Daddy what his slutty baby needs.”

The way his hips are driving into your core knocks the wind out of you. Toji tightens the already brutal grip on your hips which assists him in pressing deeper into your cunt. The movement has you almost slipping. You nearly drop your phone off the balcony when your toes stepped in the growing pool of shared juices flowing down your legs and collecting at your feet.

“Hold that shit tight for daddy baby, got it? You drop it and we gotta start over, yeah? I’ll make you walk downstairs ass naked just like this to get it too,” Toji breathed out huskily.

You realize you’ve never heard him sound this needy before now.

“What’s next, in y’er lil’ story huh?… Speak up so I can hear it over this messy cunt.”

There was an edge of desperation for you clear in his tone. Although to your dismay it causes your body to gush around him harder meaning you would have to speak up even louder as your pussy squelches grew more vulgar in volume.

You nearly shouted out the next part groaning and mixing in incoherent babbles throughout the smut filled paragraph as Toji doesn't slow to help you. If anything Toji picks up speed and grows even harder inside of you as he's encouraged by his baby's filthy words.

“...H-he- lifts your leg, r-resting your knee on the edge of the bal-c-cony. T-T-The angle allows h-him, fuck, deeper access to your c-cunt. Ah-h-h-a clear view of his c-cock badgering your core f’er a-anyone who happens to p-pass belowwww-ohmygod. Y-you seeeeee s-stars as he callously s-slams into your c-cervix, shitshitshit, n-nearly fa-fa-fucking you off the balcony if not for his s-strong hold on youuuu–ah. Y-you violently t-tremble as you c-cum s-screamiiiiing, not fuckdaddyfuckkkk, caring if your n-neighbors could s-see or h-hear you any l-longer.”

“HA! Is that so–” Toji lifts your leg just like you wrote in your fic, “–guess I am gonna to have to keep fucking this tight cunt until you no longer give a fuck about anything else but this dick, eh?”

You hear what sounds like a door slide open near you and you begin to whine about your neighbors again before Toji jerks your head back by your ponytail to whisper in your ear.

“I wouldn’t worry that nasty, pretty little head of yours about these neighbors babydoll…”

The new angle allows Toji to bury himself deeper into you just like you told in your story and his tip hits your cervix so hard you think he might actually penetrate.

“...if I were you Y/N... I would think about how daddy’s needy lil whore is gonna make it through an entire day of classes tomorrow with clamps on your nipples and a remote control vibrator up your cunt.”

He licked the side of your face and spit in your mouth before carelessly pushing your head back. You loudly moaned as his bruising grip returned to your meaty hips as his nonstop aggressive assault on your cunt proceeds.

You feel yourself getting close, your eyes rolled back into your head and drool seeped down the corners of your mouth. You cursed your weakness for this shit as you felt yourself give into the pleasure. You surprise even yourself as you never actually thought this kinda sex could be so fucking good you wouldn’t care about shit else for real.

“Goddamn mamas, squeezing me so hard–” Toji’s hips snapped into you with every syllable, his voice becoming more animalistic, “–you want me to fill this pussy up? Mmm, I fucking know you do the way she’s milking me. Fuck, might even put a baby in you, give ‘gumi a sibling. We won’t be able to do some of that kinky shit you wrote unless I knock a baby up in this cunt, ya know.”

Of course, Toji being the sexy ass DILF straight out of your dreams would love breeding kinks too.

His ramblings cause you to tighten and clench around him even more. You’ve wanted to beg for him like this since you first started dating. Just thinking of the words spilling out of your mouth nearly pushed you over the edge.

You were so close to release.

“I-Inside me D-Daddy pleasepleaseplease!,” you slobbered out, struggling to make sentences from all the pleasure within you.

“F-fill me– fill me D-Daddy, knock this tight little cunt up, w-want it– want it– w-want it–!!!”

Your voice caught in your throat and you nearly choked once you felt your peak hit. Your pussy sent tremors around his dick as you creamed around him. You can't think of anything else but him inside of you.

You just came but Toji allowed you no rest. He still pummeled inside you as he chased his own high and slurred vulgar curses of praise for his pretty lil’ whore's dirty mind, while planning the next debaucherous smut for you both to reenact.

“Ya think it's too late now f’er prime next day delivery for those toys, baby? Fuck, look that up while y’er still holding that phone.”

You didn’t even realize you still had your phone in your hand but were just thankful you didn’t drop yet. You didn't think it would survive the fall.

Groaning you tried to rally the strength to even lift the phone to face unlock when you locked eyes with someone below. You instantly recognized the person as the elderly woman with the flower garden from down the street.

The old lady had always been very kind to you, making pleasant conversation, offering you fresh flowers for your kitchen and praising you for how reminded her of her own sweet young daughter at your age.

Unfortunately for you both, she was casually walking her two mini poodles when her eyes were affronted with you practically hanging off the balcony. A blissed out expression plastered across your face while Toji held you, battering your slick pussy full of his thick cock.

The old woman’s eyes widened in terror as if she actually witnessed a crime scene as she panicked, yanking her two dogs away swiftly back in the direction of her home. You knew you would have to take the long way home from now on.

Nevertheless Toji, who was none the wiser and wouldn’t give a single fuck regardless, merely continued planning out your next smut fic enactment.

“Nah fuck it, we’re going to the library tomorrow. See how many pages you can read of that dull ass biology book while y’er warming my cock... Tch, or should we do the one where y’er fucking the coach in the men’s locker room, whacha think baby?”

"Hmmmnmmrgh", you could only moan in reply.

You were already near hyperventilating from your own climax, the shame of now having to avoid your neighbor for life and Toji’s fiery body creating a storm of friction clashing with the freezing temperatures.

But your senses were now wholly overloaded once you felt him reach down to pinch and rub at your clit.

“Cum again with Daddy baby, shit, can ya do that f’er me?” Toji sounded like he was close and he slapped your clit even harder causing you to scream out.

Cockdrunk and overstimulated you could no longer communicate as your entire body felt like it was an extension of your pussy. The thick fluids flowing out of your body increased the sizable puddle already at your feet. You utterly surrendered to the feeling and your body wrecked with pleasure electrifying you.

You almost blackout as you feel his cock bust hot seed into your tummy melting your insides and causing you to cum all over again.

"Fuck, that’s it, take it all. Can't wait to see this belly and these tits full mama."

The aftershock of your orgasm feels near endless as Toji continues to fuck thick ropes of his cum into you.

Losing track of time you weren’t sure how long it was before Toji finally pulled out and took you off the railing. Holding on to you so you can balance and turning you to face him he places you down on your unsteady feet. You immediately bury your head into his chest as his heat envelops your cold skin. Your breathing finally starts to calm in his embrace.

“So good f’er daddy babygirl,” he murmurs into your hair, savoring your scent.

“Warm bath, yeah?”

“Sure, but you gotta carry me daddy.”

You yawned while Toji’s already lifting you princess style in his strong arms. You were exposed still in the night but at the same time you have never felt safer.

You curl further into his warmth as he kisses your forehead and finally brings you back inside.

Once inside the bathroom Toji sets you down on the edge of the tub while the water runs and he leaves to grab some fresh towels.

You can’t help but feel euphoric as you smiled to yourself. You are too giddy!

You finally have the DILF daddy you always wanted and could be open about your kinks without any judgment.

However your mood shifts when Toji returns. You give him an incredulous look as you see your pink waterproof vibrator in his hands.

Toji turns it on and saunters over to you, his scar twisted into a devilish smirk.

“95 more fuckfics to go ma’, we don’t have time to waste…”

Fucking hell, you had entirely forgotten about the overstimulation in the bath drabble.

You quiver in both anticipation and distress as you aren’t sure how your completely spent and nearly frozen body is gonna be able to cum four more times tonight.

Could there ever be too much of a good thing?

You weren't sure what those limits were exactly.

“Ya know, Y/N–," Toji started slyly, interrupting your thought.

”If I hit up Shiu and you asked him nicely with that pretty lil' mouth, I’m positive he would be down for some double daddy Eiffel Tower action.”

However from the feral grin on Toji’s face he appeared determined to test those limits with you.

You could thank your Tumblr smut fics for that.

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ.

A/N: I honestly have to say I am a bit impressed with myself as I’ve never finished a story in one day before ever (although it took most of today to proofread and I still think there might be errors soz). Hopefully this is a good sign for powering through those Kinktober fics once classes start up again this Weds. Also If there is any interest possibly a PT 2 after Kinktober featuring a threesome with Shiu at his office.

Edit: errors/grammar fixed as of 9/26.

This one goes out to all of us dilf smut queens who simp Toji ❤︎

Please reblog to have DILF Daddy Toji dick you down, but likes and comments are always appreciated just the same!

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strangesthirdeye · 6 months

Text

Adore ( 10th/14th Doctor x fem! Reader)

Summary: Sometimes old wounds can bleed again Warning: It's the Doctor who doesn't love him? light angst, slap, not a spoiler from The Star Beast special, heart breaking, broken, fluff, old face, forgiveness and horny cat. As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A few years ago. ⏤͟͟͞͞☆

You have traveled with the Doctor since his 9th regeneration. You already know Rose, Jackie, Mickey and Jack. It can be said that you have made many friends plus enemies while traveling with the Doctor.

Although most of his travel can be dangerous but that is not an obstacle for you to continue traveling with him.

You have met Donna Noble. The kind and spitfire lady. Sometimes she can be a protective partner and sometimes she and her sarcasm can be quite dangerous for a certain period of time. But overall, you and Donna are best friends forever and always tease the Doctor with some kind of flirting and name calling such as Skinny Man or pretty boy, making him blush or whine with embarrassment. Sometimes he just brushed it off.

But then, Davros and the Daleks happen. And there goes Meta Crisis Doctor created by Donna accidentally and Rose coming back from the alternative universe. Everything seems to be planned for this thing to happen. Donna suddenly gets knowledge from the Time Lord causing her brain to burn if she 'uses' too much energy and she will die if it continues so the Doctor decides to wiped all the adventures she, you and the Doctor have been through.

Meanwhile you only looked at what the Doctor did to Donna from the Tardis door with eyes glossy with tears. You can't do anything, but you can only see the knotted situation in front of you. You're speechless and just accept fate with open arms.

Once the Doctor sent the unconscious Donna back to her house, the Doctor just kept quiet and didn't say anything. His shirt was soaked with rainwater, his face was broken and sad while his hands were fiddling with the Tardis control.

You don't know how to approach a situation like this so you just move closer to the Doctor and stand next to him and look at the control with a blank face.

A few seconds later you heard the Doctor sniffling trying to hold back his tears and you could feel the Doctor was about to say something.

"I will take you back home. So better prepared with whatever items you have here" Doctor said in his hoarse voice.

You looked at the Doctor skeptically. "what?"

"I'll take you home.. I can't let you travel with me anymore. It's gone too far and I can't let you in danger anymore" The Doctor exclaimed then pulled and pressed some controls there.

The sounds of wheezing and groaning are heard inside the Tardis indicating that the Tardis has started to move. You looked at the Doctor in disbelief.

"no.. Is this because of what happened earlier? hmm? Now you just want to say that it has crossed the line. But tell me, what we went through before didn't it cross the line too? Then why now do you want to take me back?" you argued

"I never asked for this to happen. Please just.. just don't fight and let me take you home. At least you will be safe" Doctor pleaded.

"But I'm already safe here! With you. Please don't take me back, Doctor..please" you begged with glassy eyes.

The doctor didn't say anything and just controlled the control. He didn't directly look at your broken face because he was afraid he would regret the choice he made. At least what he thought was the right choice. You will be safe. No more threats of aliens or disasters.

You scoffed bitterly. "You can't suddenly take me home, Doctor. I know you."

"actually I can. At least you don't have to go through all this if I'm not there" Doctor replied blankly while looking at you.

The Tardis stopped wheezing and groaned indicating that the destination had been reached. You looked at the Doctor with a betrayed face.

You let out a small whimper trying to hold back the tears. "Why are you doing this? We've been through a lot. Why now?"

"because I can't let the people I adore in danger anymore. All this happened because of me. I'm not a hero you can admire and flatter. I failed to protect the people I adore and now see what happens. I can't let the same thing happened to you too. I-" Doctor paused. "- you should go.."

You are stunned. Tears started to fall and fell down your cheeks, wetting your smooth cheeks. You sighed heavily and looked at the Doctor with betrayed eyes.

"if that's what you think is a good thing, Doctor.. Then once my feet step out of this Tardis that means I've lost faith in you, Doctor." you said with a sad tone of voice.

The Doctor just kept silent and turned his gaze to the control without glazing over you for the last time. You were dumbfounded and just nodded in resignation. Without words, you started walking out to the Tardis door with a sad expression on your face. "I just leave my stuffs here then..I don't need it anymore.."

And there you lost faith with the Doctor. You never see Doctor for several years until now.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Present day ⏤͟͟͞͞☆

"no, no! Pablo. You can't mess with the cat next door! I don't want grandchildren yet" you scolded your cat.

Pablo only meowed and he lazily walked under the table and landed there. You sighed. It's been 4 times Pablo tried to 'flirt' with the cat next to your house sneakily and fortunately your neighbor Dhani brought Pablo back to your house and stated.

"Pablo has started to mate with Munchkin this time. Fortunately, I was able to stop him from making me and you unpaid adoptive grandmothers" Dhani said blankly while handing Pablo into your hand.

You scoffed at Pablo and sat down on your sofa and started reading your book. It's been a long time since you stepped out of the Tardis and since then you haven't heard from the Doctor and you haven't talked about it anymore. You have moved on. You have the job you want, a sex-crazed cat and a new lifestyle that you feel quite comfortable with it.

But there are times when you might shed tears silently remembering the adventures you and the Doctor went through together. You feel a little regret but when you remember the thing that made you step out of the Tardis you immediately forget it.

' Forget about it, he might be happy traveling alone. He doesn't want you anymore' whispered the devil in your ear. You just shook your head and focused on reading again.

But your composure to read doesn't last long when you hear a familiar sound like wheezing and groaning in the back yard of your house. You were transfixed and the book in your hand fell onto your lap. Pablo suddenly woke up and hissed towards the door as if angry with the sound.

You then get up from the couch and go to the window facing the backyard. The curtains are pulled aside and there it stands majestically in the middle of your backyard. Blue Box that is bigger on the inside. Tardis. You exhaled heavily and closed your curtains again then walked towards your couch.

You are pensive. Why? why did he reappear today? why now? To apologize? To make up for all the wrongs he did to you? After all this time why did he suddenly appear in your backyard?

You bite your lip anxiously. This cannot be. What else does he want from you?

Not long after, a knock on the door began to be heard at your back door. You are silent. Breath caught in your mouth and your hands started to sweat. It's him.. That's really him. Why does he want to come back to you after he kicked you out of the Tardis years ago? You looked at Pablo who was still glaring at the back door.

You got up and slowly walked towards the back door. When you got there, your sweaty hands slowly reached for the doorknob. Anxiety and nervousness started to exist in your body while your mind screamed not to open the door and face him. But you don't know if he has regenerated or not. You worry about what you expect is him but it's not the same face. Can he be she? you don't know.

The sound of knocking is heard again this time accompanied by the hoarse voice of the same man who kicked you out a few years ago.

"Y/n, are you there?"

You turned the doorknob and faced his face with a nervous face. There he stood with his thin and tall body still the same as a few years ago only his attire was different and not his usual dark brown trench coat and striped suits in it. The shoes are still the same. Right now he has a dark blue trench coat, a white collar shirt along with a striped blazer matching his pants and complete with a gray tie. But what catches your attention is his slightly older face. His hair is still brown and spiky while his gorgeous brown eyes hold emotions that you can't identify whether it's sad or happy.

"Y/n" he whispered your name slowly as if an old memory struck his mind.

You just looked at his face and moved closer to him. Look upon his dark brown eyes with your uncontrollable emotions, you slap his face with all your heart. Angry tears running down your cheeks. He was stunned.

"What are you doing here, Doctor?" you hissed bitterly.

The Doctor was stunned and his face was upset. His cheeks were red with the imprint of your slap on his cheeks.

"I- I came to apologize" Doctor said slowly.

"why now? after you kicked me out of the Tardis.. why now?" you questioned with an angry tone.

"I think you deserve an apology from me after what I did to you.. I'm very, very sorry after breaking your heart and kicking you out of the Tardis a years ago.. I shouldn't have done that to you.. you deserve better than me" Doctor explained with a sad tone of voice.

"oh, you shouldn't have done that to me, Doctor. If you love your friends, you shouldn't do that suddenly and kick them out of the Tardis without any reasonable reason. Sure, you don't want the same thing happened to me. But don't you think that before this I have been through many dangerous things while traveling with you but you never stopped me from traveling with you. Why? why after Davros and the Daleks invasion, you suddenly change your mind and decide to kick me out? Not to mention what you did to Donna?" you exclaimed in your raspy voice. Your eyes were red with tears while your cheeks were wet with tear streaks.

The doctor was silent.

"i just want you to be safe" Doctor whispered but that was enough for you to hear.

"oh, sod off with me being safe, Doctor. I'm tired with your same excuse. I'm tired with this guilty feeling that I always have and think about what I did wrong to you until you kick me out of the Tardis ." you replied

"I don't want you to go through the same thing as our other friends... I-" Doctor paused and stared at your face with a pleading face.

"What is it, Doctor? After all this time without hearing from you and now you suddenly appear behind my house, why now? I'm already happy and moved on with all that then why did you decide to appear and disturb my peace? " tears fell down your cheeks again.

" because I care about you! i can't lose you. I adore you since the moment we traveled with Rose. I don't have enough courage to say this to you because I'm afraid I'll lose the person I love. Because i know.. I know that I will lose the people I love if I keep doing good things. That is my curse to be a Time Lord. I don't want you to go through the same thing as them so what I decided is the most sensible thing for me to keep you safe " Doctor looked at your face pleadingly.

You are speechless. The Doctor loves you. Now you understand. It's the feeling that you don't want to go through losing someone so dear to you so you push them away in the hope that they will be safe from you. In the hope that they can find a better love than you.

"you.. adore me?" you stammered. while holding out your hand towards the Doctor in disbelief.

"i adore you so much. No matter what my face looks like, I will always adore you and I will do anything to protect you. Half of my hearts is with you. I don't care if you lose faith in me but you still need to know that I really adore you" Doctor held your hand and stroked it gently.

You sighed heavily and brought your right hand to the Doctor's cheek and gently stroked his cheek with your finger. Doctor leaning against your palm while closing his eyes trying to feel the texture of your soft skin. It's been a while since he couldn't have physical contact with you and he doesn't know how much he misses the feeling of your skins.

"how many faces have you been through?" you questioned him with a softened voice.

"I've become an obsessed man with a bowtie and fez, I've become a Scottish man and I've become a woman. But then I got this face again out of nowhere. I don't know why" Doctor explained and placed his forehead on yours.

"why? to apologize?" you replied with a hushed.

"probably to admit my love for you" Doctor chuckled lightly.

You chuckled lightly for a moment then closed your eyes and parted away with him slightly. You stare at his face, his eyes and his lips. The Doctor did the same thing to you. And without wind or storm, you both lean and kiss each other's lips passionately and gently.

The doctor put his right hand on the back of your head and his left hand on your neck while you put both your hands on his chest. Both of your eyes are closed tightly to feel each other's presence. And after that, you both part away and stare at each other's eyes with love and fondness in both of your eyes.

"I adore you too, Doctor"

#bbc shows #david tennant #10th doctor #the doctor #14th doctor #10th doctor x you #10th doctor x reader #doctor who #doctor who x reader #14th doctor x reader #the star beast #heartbreak #lovers #love #doctor who 60th anniversary #Spotify

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mikuni14 · 3 months

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I wanted to reply to this post by @italianpersonwithashippersheart and it turned out to be a very long text, so I'm posting it separately 😉

I have a tactic of reading posts on Tumblr, that as soon as I start reading and see that the author is going in a direction that I know I won't like, I immediately stop and move on (ALTHOUGH sometimes the author writes something I don't agree with in such an engaging way that I read it to the end for intellectual pleasure, or it's someone I like with whom I disagree just this time, but I read it anyway because, after all, I like that person for a reason 😚). That's why, fortunately, I usually (<- key word, usually) avoid fandom wars and problematic fandom behavior. I do this because I know how irritating fandom can be sometimes, especially when a it goes to war to defend its blorbo, or ship, or the entire series. And I regret to say that defenders are the most aggressive... Personally, I don't mind fans living on ships, their blorbo, squealing about them and so on. (I mean, I do that!) Unfortunately, as I'm sure you all know, so many fans who live it, LIVE IT and it's not just fun for them, it's the meaning of their lives. This is where the attacks on actors come from, like the recent attack on Nut, a homewrecker 😆 in Pit Babe, having the audacity to be friends with the actor playing Alan AND HE BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE!, or, as in the case of DFF, tearing Ta into two parts by his ukes two fandoms lmao. Unfortunately, such behavior poisons a positive fandom experience and even I can see it, even though I try very hard NOT to see it.

It also seems to me that DFF viewers could be divided into two distinct groups: DFF fans and BL fans 😉 I'm a DFF fan and that's why I'm interested in meta, theories and Tan. I like PheeJin for their dynamic, but, I don't really care if they end the series as a couple. Besides, for me DFF is a mystery/thriller/slasher/social commentary series with BL elements, in which I DON'T HAVE to have a happy ending for BL relationships to be happy, I only want Tan to be happy. However, someone for whom DFF is only a BL series could be frustrated because 1) there is no monogamy 😬 2) there is "cheating" 3) the characters behave unpleasantly 4) the characters behave in ambiguous ways and it's often not clear what they think and whom they truly love 5) the characters behaviour becomes unpredictable and non-standard and often problematic 6) the plot keeps getting weird, instructions unclear 7) what about my ship?? *panic*

Regarding the concerns about the ending of the series: in any other series I would have EXACTLY THE SAME worries. But I look at DFF in two categories:

as a slasher

as a story about life, without a moral lesson

This makes me NOT worry about the ending because:

if you look at it as a slasher and my favorite film of this type, i.e. Scream and to some extent also Final Destination, there is no moralizing here, because the victims are often innocent and still die, because this is the rule of this genre: people die in masses

if we do NOT look at it as a story with a moral lesson, we also get rid of the compulsion to judge, like, did they deserve or not to die?

I know that in the DFF fandom we often joke, more or less seriously, that we would like this one or that one to die, or for everyone to die, but this is completely normal behavior when consuming media in which someone gets hurt. In the case of DFF, emotions are high because we naturally stand on the side of someone who is bullied and we see how others, through their actions or omissions, or often making stupid mistakes, saying cruel words in anger, contributed to the great tragedy of the entire family. But what I noticed is that the series does not actually moralize. It emphasizes very clearly that Non is a victim, but he is not entirely innocent and has made many stupid decisions himself, having had other choices, while also showing why he makes such choices. It shows Por as a complete asshole, while showing his environment and expectations towards him, but it does not absolve him. It even shows Keng not as a typical sweaty, brutal pedo, but someone who is genuinely concerned about Non, AT THE SAME TIME showing the issue of his pressure on Non, the money, the grooming.

The series presents dry facts, shows characters from different sides, in different situations, it also shows how events move from point A to B and further along the letters of the alphabet :) all the time discovering new facts that explain more and more, sometimes posing a seemingly already explained situation in a completely new perspective.

Personally, I don't get the impression that the series even WANTS us to moralize in our high glass tower, because the series clearly shows that the innocent, defenseless and vulnerable suffer and no one helps them. That a stupid event can lead to tragedy with the butterfly effect. That sometimes things happen beyond our knowledge, that we are just a pawn in someone else's game and, despite our sincere intentions, we cannot stop the course of events. And that the poor have a hard time and lose entire families and their future, with the first fatality in the series being the only son and the future of the richest family.

Therefore, I am 99% sure that:

we do not know all the facts that can turn all our predictions, judgments and faith in what is happening on the screen 180 degrees

whatever happens to Tan, Phee and Jin, I doubt it will be presented as a punishment/reward for anything

Tan can kill them all and not be the winner, Phee can kill Tan and live with it for the rest of his life as a loser

there is no way for the series to end sensibly AND with "the victory of good over evil" and"justice", because evil has been winning all the time and every kick to Non's face, the death of his parents, Tan's "madness", the death of two young people, the trauma of the others were proof of that, also all the lives lost and their future in which change for good is possible

At the moment, I have nothing to complain about the 10 episodes so far, for me the series is run logically, and any question marks that appear in my head, I am calmly waiting for their answers in the next episodes. THERE IS HOWEVER ONE THING THAT WILL ANGRY ME ABOUT THE ENDING: IF THE SERIES MAKES TAN A CONVERTED SINNER WHO CHOOSES LOVE, PEACE AND FORGIVENESS AT THE LAST MOMENT 🤮 I don't even want to think about it. This is the worst thing that can happen.

Despite everything, I still believe that the series will not do something so stupid at the end, that from a painfully realistic story about life with hints of a thriller and a slasher, it will turn into a fairy tale with a moral lesson, in which good (the established social order) will be rewarded and evil (anarchy represented by Tan) will be punished.

I have my dream ending, but whatever, it's my fantasy 😍 But at least 3 BL series from recent weeks ended exactly NOT the way I wanted, so I'm resigned to the fact that DFF may also fail in this matter 🤡

tl;dr everything will be fine, and if it's not fine, we have a great team to sit together and bitch together 🥳

@italianpersonwithashippersheart I fucking love rant posts 😤😤 I LOVED YOURS 💖💖💖

#dead friend forever #thai bl #bl drama

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asha-mage · 2 months

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Cyberpunk Meta: The Power of Sticking to Your (Narrative and Thematic) Guns

I've been struggling to articulate why exactly I find Cyberpunk 2077 so damn compelling, given how far it is out of my usual wheel house in terms of genre, tone, and even ideology. And I think after beatng Phantom Liberty it finally clicked-

What enthralls me about this game is it's complete commitment to it's underlying themes and ideas.

Most video games struggle to challenge the player on a story level. Some of this is the capitalism of it all: the idea that video games that aren't trying to make every moment exciting and engaging and wish fulling aren't going to sell well, and so video games should try and maximize player satisfaction above all else. But it's not just that- video games have an inherent limitation of medium in that, since they ask for so much time from the player, they have to be hooky, to draw you in, and keep you there. You don't loose a video game when you die and have to start over. You loose a video game when you put it down and decide to stop picking it up again. And that means that the ways a video game can or will push it's audience are sharply limited- it curtails their ability to make the player uncomfortable, to deprive them, to push them into things like no-win scenarios, and bad endings, to force the player to reflect. And that limit is a hurdle to making art inherent to video games as a medium.

What I admire about Cyberpunk 2077 is it's willingness to find away around, over, and through those limits, while still sticking to it's narrative and thematic guns. Cyberpunk could so easily fall into the trap of making the torment nexus look cool and rad. But it doesn't. Night City is a suffocating capitalist hellscape plastered with advertisements, where the right of way belongs to the person with the car running you over, the only way to get an ambulance is to have a good enough insurance policy, and dodging bullets on your way to work is just a part of every day. The game is unafraid to hammer it home repeatedly that this world is broken, sick, lost, and their isn't really anything you can do to save it. One of the main themes of the game is that sometimes, their are no good choices: just ones you can live with.

And nothing hits this home harder then Phantom Liberty's King of Wands ending. The game hammers you during it's final stretch, again and again- how much are you willing to help Songbird, someone who is, at the end of the day, no different then you- a young kid way in over their head, dying from betrayal and loss, with only a razor thin margin of hope. Helping her is the right thing, but what are you willing to do for that? The game slowly strips away your other motivations and reasons, until you are sitting on that train left with just one reality: do you call Reed and betray Songbird because that's the only way to get the cure you need? Or do you preform an act of true altruism and charity, in a world tormented by greed and selfishness? Do you put her on that rocket, and send her away knowing you'll get nothing for your trouble but the knowledge you stuck to what you believed was right? Or do you choose to give her up to the FIA, to Reed, to Myers, knowing what that will mean, knowing that all she's done to win her freedom?

And like, the sheer audacity, to add an ending via DLC, and it's not a good ending. Their is no magical reward, no last minute silver bullet, or dues ex machina. Virtue is it's own reward. The extra ending you get, for compromising, for betraying, for choosing the same selfishness and greed as everyone else in Night City- it's a bad ending. You loose all your personal relationships, you loose our chance to be a legend, you even loose Johnny in the end. And for what? To most likely end up like Reed one day- on the leash of the NUSA, used up until their is nothing left but regret. I've never seen a game quite do that, because it runs against that central idea of video games- it's anti power fantasy. Your extra time, extra missions, extra choices- their not rewarded, not repaid. The story doesn't let V find a third door just because they have been moral and true. It's unjust. It's cruel. It's unfair.

Just like the world Cyberpunk 2077 is warning against.

And that, is a brilliant bit of art.

#cyberpunk 2077 #Cyberpunk #Phantom Liberty #phantom liberty spoilers #V #Songbird #Solomon Reed #rosalind myers #Johnny Silverhand #And NONE of this is even getting into how the final mission for King of Wands is a retelling of Paradise Lost #WHICH IS WILD ON IT'S OWN #*chews arm off*#Cyberpunk meta

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mxtxfanatic · 26 days

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I checked out the "canon jiang cheng" in hopes of finding my people and yet all I've found are JC stans saying the weirdest of things were absolutely canon.

I am very tired.

Then I figured that I should just try my hand at the character tag and regretted it even more when I fell on an anti wwx post.

I didn't know those people existed and frankly, I am worried for them.

Seriously tho, this post was unreal, I can't believe I just read that with my own two eyes.

Can I rant with you please?

Yeah there was a whole thing when twitter users fled back to tumblr where twitter jc stans decided to “reclaim” the tag because they’re upset they didn’t successfully bully canon enjoyers out the fandom. They usually either fill it with fanon jc mess, jc thirst edits, or hate for any other character with the intention of antagonizing everyone else like they did in the main novel tag and the main jc character tag. I personally don’t use character tags to know how bad it’s gotten, but I use my mutuals to find new blogs to follow by paying attention to who they reblog from.

I don’t mind ranting, as long as it’s about a fandom trend and not about specific individuals* whose content you can trace back to.

*caveat to the “specific individuals”: sometimes I do talk about identifiable individuals, but usually it’s because they’ve either directly interacted with me or I am pointing out the disproportionate influence they’ve had on fandom in negative ways, so still fandom trend commentary. I don’t care about dissecting every individual jc stan fic or headcanon or “meta,” though, because they all say the same thing and jumping on one person for doing what the whole group is doing feels redundant.

#mdzs asks #anon #i also don’t use character tags #because the moment I start using them #is the moment I’m gonna turn into one of the biggest bullies on this site #and i am showing so much self-restraint #to not make this place more hostile than it already is #so i can enjoy a fandom experience for one rather than entrenching myself in the sewers with the rest of the rats #I’m very sorry about what happened to the canon jc tag tho #my friends created that #i watched it come into being #and it makes me very *angry* how it’s being misappropriated

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giantchasm · 7 months

Note

can i hear some of these dark taranza thoughts of yours...(kinda like sharing memories of a deceased loved one bc hal is never bringing him back 💔)

Hehehe. Gladly!

(As a note, almost all of this is regarding a Dark Taranza as I imagine he exists in the actual Kirby universe. I don't have a tons of thoughts on the specific incarnation that appears in the Clashverse, because... well, I don't have a lot of thoughts on Clash period. Although I also imagine a lot of this could also apply to him.)

In my interpretation, Mirror Worlders represent and embody what a person most dislikes about themselves. They're born the minute someone first attains an insecurity, usually sometime in childhood, and live lives that... well, reflect the experiences of their real world counterpart.

Let's use Meta Knight and Dark Meta Knight as an example. Meta Knight, in my personal headcanons, did indeed at one point serve Nightmare, just like is implied in the anime. This is something he harbors deep shame over, feeling as if his origins are that of a monster's. He also knows he's regrettably stubborn, dangerously impulsive, and emotionally distant.

As such, Dark Meta Knight is an extremely emotionally distant and stubborn jerk who’s still in eternal servitude to an irredeemable monster he considers his father (Dark Mind). He still has some positive traits, ostensibly, but overall he is a caricature of how Meta Knight sees his worst self.

So Dark Taranza embodies the traits Taranza most dislikes about himself. What are those?

-His ego. Taranza knows he's prideful and vain. He has a habit of getting overconfident, then having things blow up in his face. Just look at his behavior during Triple Deluxe! He was so... smug throughout all of it, only to have that confidence crushed.

-His envy. Taranza would never let it show on the surface, but he's a deeply jealous person. He wants what other people have and he wants it deeply. When he sees other people attain a happier ending than he did, he'll congratulate them, of course, but he'll also always feel a little resentful, something he, in turn, feels bad about. Why can't he just be happy for people?

-His loyalty and codependence. These don't necessarily seem like entirely bad traits on the surface, but Taranza's devotion can be dangerous. Just look at where his dedication to Sectonia took him. It not only got him hurt, but led to him committing various atrocities, all in the name of a love that wasn't even returned. This is something he now deeply regrets. And yet... if he were given the chance to see and follow someone he loved again, he would in an instant. He's simply needy in that way.

So Dark Taranza is an extremely egotistical, overconfident, and insufferable person, even though he's frankly not that cool. He has a violent jealous streak, and despite how confident he seems on the surface, he's secretly a follower.

After all, he doesn't just represent Taranza's pride and his resentment. He represents his fealty. All of his love and dedication to another.

Dark Taranza lives to serve, and there's just one problem with that.

There's no-one to serve.

There is no Mirror Sectonia in my verse. (Er-- well, technically there was, once upon a time, but she was retconned out of existence in the events that created the corrupted real-world Sectonia we meet in canon. There's no memory of her. She's been erased from history). Dark Taranza is a maniacal right hand man with no leader, and so he's forced to play leader himself, even as just one half of a whole.

Something which, perhaps, suits his ego. But at the same time, he feels empty. He brims with allegiance, but has no-one to dedicate himself to other than himself. This makes him deeply restless and unsatisfied, and in turn, he lashes out.

Needless to say, he does not have a good relationship with the actual Taranza. Taranza sees everything he doesn't want to be in Dark Taranza, and Dark Taranza sees everything he doesn't want to be in his original. Taranza is weak... emotional, sad, lost and lonely. Dark Taranza feels he's better than him because he is not experiencing the same emotional turmoil Taranza is. He openly makes fun of him for it and says he's much better off having always been alone.

...But deep down, he's jealous. He cannot escape the jealousy that is inherent to his being. Even despite feeling he's better than Taranza, he sometimes secretly wishes he had what he had... was also able to experience what he lost. Not that he'd ever admit it.

TLDR: Dude who's pretty much intrinsically a mook is forced to play head honcho, both to his pleasure and dissatisfaction. All the while the age old question is asked as he contrasts with his real world counterpart:

Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all? Better to care, but then be hurt and discarded, or better to be lonely and safe? As long as he never trusts anyone, he'll never get backstabbed, but he'll also never experience genuine connection. And he secretly craves that more than anything.

He and Taranza are kind of like this song from City of Angels to me

You're in my plot, I'm still your creator I call each shot, I'm your private dic-tator You are so thick, you eat, breathe, sleep fiction I'm your meal ticket, knew-deep in cheap fiction You gloating ignoramus You haven't any shame Hey, I'm a famous shamus And most people don't know your name You're nothing without me Without me you'd just disappear Right into thin air And no one would care Or notice you ever were here A puppet, an upstart A loser who's destined to fall I'm everything you always wanted to be Let's deal with the issue, you wish you were me You're nothing without me Without me, you're nothing at all

Do you see my vision?

#kirby #taranza #dark taranza #kirby headcanons #for my followers who know warrior cats: he's kind of like a darkstripe to me #he loves being evil but he needs someone to follow. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BOSS HIM AROUND #once there's no more boss he's completely lost #sack’s kirbyverse

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amtrak12 · 5 months

Note

Hey hi! I read your Helena Wells meta earlier, from ten years ago, and I found it so interesting and spot on, and at the end you were so sad that you felt like you didn't have a good grasp on the character - do you feel that has changed, since then? And if so, how? Or, what do you think of Helena these days?

(the meta you posted and linked here: https://www.tumblr.com/purlturtle/736985181321314304/your-helena-tangent-got-me-thinking-and-yes-this )

Oooo fun and deep questions! :D Thank you!!

Obviously, that was 2.5 high schools ago so I had to reread my original meta to refresh my memory. My first thought is: OMFG LEARN PARAGRAPH BREAKS!! O_O But then, as I kept reading and saw how many spaces were missing after periods and how the sentences after the missing space read like a new paragraph -- my second thought is, I think Tumblr did me dirty at some point in the last 10 years of formatting changes and I actually did use appropriate paragraph breaks originally. Rude. -_-

But on the point of your actual questions! lol

I don't remember writing that exact post, but being nervous and uncertain about my Helena characterization does ring a bell. I was DEFINITELY more confident in analyzing/meta-ing Myka or Pete (if it was in relation to Myka). HG made me nervous and that was only like 10% because she's British and I'm American.

Some of my uncertainty probably came from my lack of historical knowledge (which has not improved. Fun fact: this is why I nearly never invented an artifact for fic). A not-insignificant portion of my uncertainty probably also came from how confident the rest of the fandom spoke about Helena. It seemed like she was meta-ed more often and by more people than Myka was. (Which makes sense as -- in general -- Helena was/probably still is the more popular character in the B&W ship.) I don't remember ever feeling like someone was way off base or out of character with Helena, but I do remember reading meta/fic sometimes and struggling to decide if I disagreed with a character trait/action that the person assigned her or if it was an accurate aspect of Helena's character that I hadn't internalized yet.

Basically I had Opinions about how Myka (and Pete for that matter) should be written and definitely noticed when a fic disagreed with me. But figuring out HG was like the wild west to me and I could never pin her down with firm barriers on who her character is and isn't.

I am very, very rusty on my Warehouse 13 knowledge because it's been nearly a decade since I was deep in my analyzation of the show. So, I wouldn't say I have a better grasp on Helena's characterization today than I did in 2014. But there are some aspects I feel like I could understand better if I took the time to rewatch and meta.

Loss of a child -- look I don't have children, but I do have niblings now that I adore. I'm also raising a dog who taught me I do not have the energy or anxiety coping mechanisms to raise a human child, because worrying about her almost does me in on its own. And I'm in my mid-30's now and seem to have a better understanding of parent-child relationships (or I'm at least way more interested in exploring them now, both from the view of the child and the view of the parent). So, exploring Christina's death and just how much that affected Helena would absolutely be on my list of deep-dives. I never ignored this before, but I'm certain I could pull more out of this backstory today than I could've in 2014.

Helena's guilt -- I started rambling at the end of that post about which things Helena felt guilty about and whether she felt guilty at all. As far as I remember, I usually wrote her as feeling some measure of guilt for her past actions. (Although I was also usually writing full AU settings so it was a moot point.) But I also wasn't wrong when I pointed out how she didn't show any obvious signs of regret over her S2 actions, unless it was something that had hurt Myka. If I was going to go back and meta WH13, I would explore this topic deeper for sure.

Interestingly, it's not something I could've explored deeper prior to 2022-ish. But now I've watched the series Lucifer which deals entirely with guilt and has a protagonist with shut down emotions who doesn't regret things and then, through incremental changes over 6 seasons, opens up, learns to feel every emotion again, unpacks a lot of shit etc. And I have been FASCINATED by how the writers pulled that off, because on the surface it is not a show (or a protagonist) that I should care about. (And if I had watched it from ep 1.01 instead of completely ass backwards, I wouldn't have cared about him.) BUT I DO CARE! And I want to know how they pulled off Lucifer's character arc. And then I want to use some of the techniques they used to explore guilt and pain and apply them to Helena to see what emerges in her character. Because I think it would be really interesting.

And then finally, I'm not sure I have anything new to bring to the conversation around what Helena's future with the warehouse and/or happy ending looks like. But I could also never make up my mind on what would work best for her. Does she return as an agent? Does she become a regent? (Probably not, but you never know.) Does she just become the live-in inventor who doesn't venture into the field unless absolutely necessary? I have absolutely no idea what her future with the warehouse would look like if a romantic relationship with Myka is her happy ending. (Which is my personal goal obviously lol).

Because -- and this is where my Opinions on Myka come into play -- our girl Myka Bering is not leaving that warehouse. Ever. She is the new Artie. She will take over as the lead agent when he retires/partially retires. And then she will die there. In South Dakota of old age (because I refuse to let her die on a mission). Pete? Oh, my boy Pete will meet an awesome lady and retire to be a stay at home dad. He'll walk away one day. Myka? Absolutely never. You're burying her at the warehouse. Which means Helena will have to have some kind of relationship with it again, and I would have to figure out what that looks like because both today and in 2014, I can't decide what option fits her best.

I hope this answers your question! It was so deep and I love it :D I just don't have new thoughts on WH13 yet because I haven't looped back around to a full blown obsession with it yet. (It will happen. Round 2 of BERING AND WELLS ARE THE BEST THING EVER will absolutely happen at some point in my life because that's how I roll and they are.) So this is less meta about how my thoughts on Helena have changed, and more about how my approach to her character would change given the experience I've gained in the last ten years.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK!

#Helena Wells #Warehouse 13 #my meta #ask #purlturtle #yes I've started measuring time in the unit of measure 'high schools' (aka 4 years like American high schools)#because time lost meaning somewhere around 2013 when I got fully settled into my adult job

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autistichalsin · 6 months

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hi, this is random but I just saw that reply of yours that some ppl are mean to you for writing meta on halsin and I just... I am outraged 🤬 please don't pay those pitiful fucks any mind, your metas are awesome and I love them to bits! I kinda left halsin with goblins first time around (I regret my life choices 😔 ) and only now on another playthru I'm actually getting to know him and he's so precious, and your metas add so much understanding for me, you made me love this guy all the more 💛💛💛

Hey friend! Thanks for your kind words- they mean a lot.

Yeah, it's mostly people on Twitter who despise Halsin. And it's fine to hate whichever character you want, but they're being nasty about me writing these and saying it's pathetic, a waste of time, I need a job (... I am a Masters student AND I work part time... This is my stress relief while I'm at school)... other stuff. Usually I can laugh about it since at least one of them admitted to having read one of my posts and found it interesting/enjoyable before realizing it was me, but... sometimes it just plain starts to hurt my feelings.

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mx-lamour · 3 months

Text

Hauntings of the Mind

Some personal meta/background for Bloodstain/"It's all right." (and that last sonnet):

My best friend and guardian died when I was 8-1/2 years old. At night, before I fell asleep, I would usually see him walk past my door, doing his rounds of the house to make sure everything was as it should be.

I watched him die. It wasn't my hand that killed him, wasn't even my choice to make, but somehow I felt responsible. It wasn't even my first dead body, or even my first dead loved one, but it was the first time I'd witnessed the spark of life leave someone's eyes. The first time I'd felt the breath leave someone's body under my touch and not come back.

When I tell you my best friend and guardian was a cat, it doesn't matter. When I tell you he was 18 years old and ready to go, it doesn't matter.

I bargained with whatever god would listen to give him back to me. He wasn't even mine; he'd been my dad's best friend since he was a kitten. My pleas went unanswered.

My mom has told me her story of taking care of her father through his struggle with cancer. There came a point when it was clear he was never going to make it, but it was near Christmas time, and my grandpa was a stubborn fiend who refused to die on what was supposed to be a joyful occasion.

When January came, my mom bravely went to him and said, "It's okay, Dad. You can go now."

That was my first funeral. I was two years old then. And, according to my mom, I wouldn't leave the casket's side. This explains why I have such a vivid memory of looking down on my grandpa's waxlike hands holding a red rose. My grandpa loved roses. He tended them.

That's beside the point.

Around the time I was 13, I started having dreams that someday I would have to kill my romantic partner, whoever that would be. It wasn't so self-direct. I was a daydreamer and a reader of books, so I would make up stories. But sometimes they were only scenes.

And one of those scenes which plagued me was the image of someone kissing their lover, then stabbing him in the gut. They didn't want to do it; they had to. Tears streaking down their face, they apologized while the dying one looked on in shock.

I never really made the connection as to why.

Now, I'm married to a man who is nearly always struggling. He's chronically ill and terribly intelligent and horribly depressed. Inside of all that muck is a sweet, imaginative little boy who long ago lost his brother and his faith in all things. Now a grown man, he's also practical. Pessimistic. A bit obsessive-compulsive. He DM'd our Curse of Strahd campaign.

We both fear abandonment.

When his thoughts have taken a dark turn, as they sometimes do, he considers giving himself over to death. To not have to try anymore.

Early on, this terrified me. "But I'm here," I would think, never realizing my mistake, that it had never helped before.

And sometimes that image would come back to me unbidden: Would I have to kill him myself one day? If I couldn't bear the thought of him hurting himself, but if there was also little choice left in the matter, would I do the work for him, to retain some modicum of agency in our doomed relationship? There seemed to be little else I could do.

This was, of course, very distorted thinking. And I never did do that thing, and I suspect we never will go through that. We're getting better. And we're changing side-by-side.

But there were several times, probably yearly if I would have been keeping track, possibly close to the anniversary of his brother's death, when I wondered if and when I would be forced to put the man I love out of his misery.

Because I know what grief is. And I know regret, and rage, and despair. I know it hurts. And I know it's exhausting. I know.

And with the amount of perseveration that goes on in my anxious autistic head (or did, especially before I'd done any real healing, myself) I know that the inability to fix your own tragic mistakes, to correct for factors you couldn't have known about is devastating.

I know how an event can haunt you into eternity, throwing you into a repeat of that same moment, again and again, from something so little as the passing of a number on a calendar page, and still leave you bereft of any real closure.

The window glass is so horrifying because, even though you can see tragedy unfolding on the other side, there is little you can do about what you cannot touch, whether what you're reaching for is the past itself or the despair clouding another person's mind and heart.

#lamour stories #personal anecdote #gothic #dark powers #gothic romance #curse of strahd #backstory #creative writing #fanfic writing #i strahd #psychology #thought distortions #grief #death #write what you know

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desultory-novice · 11 months

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Ask game let's hear it for: 2,8,9

Wah! Thank you!

2 / Favorite Thing About My Style

Probably that it's fast? XD I remember worrying early on that I'd never be a really stunning artist because I didn't have as much time to devote to it as other people. A smart friend told me to just focus on making pieces I could call "complete" in a short amount of time.

Basically, adjust my view of what my "art" would be. And it worked! I have other artist's styles that I like more, but I realized too some of my favorite fanart back in the day was fanart that looked like it was pulled right out of someone's sketchbook. With big chunky lines and little marks and forms that tell you where their focus was!

[More Answers Below!]

8 / Most Fun and Least Fun Parts

I really enjoy the "concept" phase. You put just anything down, and because I'm a Kirby fanartist, that's usually a circle and then you just keep adding onto it. A pair of triangle horns ears? You've got a Magolor. Big eyes? A Marx. Draw a circle on top? A Meta Knight. Draw a circle halfway below it, a Dedede. Etc...

I'll often pick a perspective at random and then start filling in what the character might be seeing/doing from that!

Least fun is figuring out things like light and where my characters are in space. I've got a vision impairment that means I can't see "depth" in RL so perspective is hard for me. I found a trick for lighting that has you douse the object in shadow and then "carve out" the light, which helps because I can imagine what's on "top" easier than what casts shadows, but I still haven't gotten perspective down. I've even used 3D models but things just get more confusing somehow!! :cries:

9 / Finished Piece and Original Sketch

Here's two, based on the fact that I have two different brushes I use for sketching and that leads sometimes leads to two different styles.

The first one, for my Father's Day piece, I did the rough sketch in PaintStorm Studio, which is an under-appreciated little app (It doesn't work flawlessly on iPad but it's highly functional) and is my favorite app for concept sketches because it's like the FocusWriter of drawing apps. Then I imported it to Clip Studio, adjusted the size (I draw my concepts VERY small, usually starting with a box to help figure out how much canvas I want to use) and built it up from there.

The second, I did the sketch in Clip Studio using this soft painterly builder brush I made based on some other artist's brushes. This style of sketch is more "chisel-y" and I'm frequently carving out areas as I draw them by lowering the brush's alpha to zero. It's pretty easy to apply colors on top in this style (as opposed to the previous style, which requires cleaner line work.) I also started this piece as just a solemn, lonely Magolor looking "captured" and regretful. Adding the crown and then adding the reflection in the water came later on.

I was gonna have him be hanging by some Dark Matter looking vines originally, but then I remembered I'd seen someone on JP Twitter say that his magic circles in Soul form were almost like handcuffs restricting his actions, which is why I switched to those.

(You can't see it here from the sketch, but I knew from the beginning I wanted it to be color on a black background.)

One last thing because I think this is probably something weird only I do? (But maybe other novice artists will find it freeing??)

When I'm drawing sequential comics, even for the four-panel ones, because I can lose my train of thought easily, I tend to draw them completely OUT OF ORDER, going with whatever image is strongest in my mind first. Then I just scatter the rest over the page wherever there's room as I get ideas, finally using the lasso tool to re-arrange them later! You can see everything in the proper sequence here!

(You can also see that originally, Marx shows some barely concealed sorrow that Kirby doesn't recognize his childhood friend after all that he's been through. In the finished piece, I had him respond by going all fangs-out crazy instead. He IS a villain after all!)

#Dess Answers Questions #Dess Text Post #TYSM for the ask!#Ask Game #Dess Sketch Post

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doevademe · 1 year

Note

I've come to bother you for 'Love is not Soft and Fluffy' because it was such a lovely ride to see Percy's journey focused on an unlikely romantic interest because Percabeth is the easy ship, the effortless friends to lovers trope that people usually root for because they have known each other since forever and it's easy to picture them as that one Golden Couple, so, this makes me feel all giddy. This fic was lovely, it was tender, it was painful at times that I wished Riordan had taken a route like this in the early years, because even if I love Solangelo, I am bitter as any other normal Nico fan about Nico having a rebound romance rather than an actual romance plot with relevance (and not with a rushed background character that was conveniently there). Thing is!! I loved that bitter remark about having Annabeth ending up with a background character at the end because it was so satisfying and omg I just can't describe how much this small rewrite made me feel. I've been following your blog for the small Percico drabbles (since nowadays don't read a lot of satisfying Percico), so, finding out you are this fic's writer kind of clicked in my mind in a kind of 'THATS WHY I LOVE THIS NICO' way. You see, I love all types of Percico content, I welcome it! But usually people writes a real bitter Nico, that sometimes I feel that that's everything there is to be about his character. A bitter dark character with a dry humor. But your Nico has always felt human in a way I have grown greatly fond of. This is a Nico I can write without feeling like I'm writing your typical emo-kinda-meta sad boy of Wattpad. Thank you and I wish I could be more eloquent with my adoration for your story, but this is all I can think of after clicking on your tumblr link and finding out it was you, so, kind of got excited and decided to write you my thoughts on good ol' Tumblr inbox fashion. I wish you the best, that you keep writing ti your heart's content anything that your mind is set on at the moment, your writing never stops making me feeling all gushy and mushy. Read you later!!!🌈

Wow, thank you 😳 To be honest, while I still love this story, I have a lot of regrets about Love is not Soft and Fluffy. My first couple chapters were a bit choppy, and while I stand by not recounting whole PJO/HOO narrative when it would mostly stay the same, my way of summarizing what happened between scenes could use some improvement.

But it was a story I wanted to see. Percy being the one pining for Nico is something that intrigued me, and no one else was writing it without making it mutual pining. Nico's characterization in particular is one I'm very proud of, so I'm glad you liked it. He's strong, kind and compassionate, while also acidic and into morbid and sarcastic humor with a defeatist attitude. A true Knight in Sour Armor, if we use the TVTropes name, rather than just an emo tsundere.

Love is not Soft and Fluffy was a learning experience. It was my first chaptered Percico fic after I got back into writing, and I'm always excited when others tell me it was a story they enjoyed reading.

#thank you <3 #ask #tannabet #writing stuff #long post

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circusclownsam · 10 months

Text

DC Titans OC info (newer version, accidentally deleted the old one😭)

[-----------------------------------------]

[•BASIC INFO•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Name:

MinYa Choi, sometimes written as Choi MinYa

Nicknames:

• Minnie, she only goes by that nickname

Gender:

Female

Age:

18-20s

Species:

Meta-Human

Nationality:

Korean - Australian

Race:

Asian

Languages: (in order, first - last)

• English

• Korean

Accent:

Australian, Mid-Pitch

"Am I beautiful now, dad?"

[-----------------------------------------]

[•PHYSICAL INFO•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Height:

158cm (5’2)

Weight:

(UNDOCUMENTED]

Body Shape:

hourglass, average thickness, small waist, d cup size (big titty goth gf💅✨)

Body Type:

Although hourglass shaped, she has faint abs and muscles (athletic, basically)

Face claim:

https://pin.it/46s6xG9Gv

Eye colour:

Deep blue

Hair type and colour:

2C, chocolate brown

Skin Tone:

Warm tan (seen in face claim)

Scars:

• inner thighs

• arms

• back

Piercings:

• one on each earlobe.

Birthmark(s):

A heart shaped birthmark behind her ear

Scent:

A faint marshmallow smell.

Main attire:

: https://pin.it/1uYLwXyoP

: https://pin.it/6kz2NkCzy

: https://pin.it/6knBE8NRT

: https://pin.it/7papC4S7u

: https://pin.it/2iSYSFUw1

: https://pin.it/2HcTrYitg

: https://pin.it/3BnX7lNwT

: https://pin.it/GoR8VZrnV

: https://pin.it/1WowzoVSs

: https://pin.it/6BzH3h3MU

Sleep attire:

: https://pin.it/3LOhqwpwE

: https://pin.it/43Bp14u9X

: https://pin.it/3b9pZ9NRk

: https://pin.it/4nh6IC0Cu

Other:

Freckled cheeks and nose, dimpled smile

"That’s such a great plan"

[-----------------------------------------]

[•PRESONALITY INFO•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Overall personality:

often described as cold, secluded and untrusting of others, tends to keep to herself most of the time; especially when it comes to her personal life- not wanting others to know how horrid her father was, despite also having a sarcastic attitude; Minnie is quite gentle and kind behind closed doors, volunteering to help those in need or helping her grandmother take care of her younger sister. When upset, she’d often ‘shut down’ and not answer anyone, if annoyed- she’ll curse in Korean before going to vent to anyone who’ll listen (that often being her therapist)

Self Esteem:

Despite being praised for her looks by her grandmother, she’s quite self-conscious about her scars and overall appearance

Defult Mood:

Quiet, sometimes grumpy

Temperament:

Although she grew up in an abusive household, her temper is quite good- usually takes a lot to anger her

Humour:

Light-hearted jokes, mostly. Rarely makes a joke that’ll deeply offend someone

Habits:

Picking at her scars and nails, bouncing her leg up and down when nervous

Fears:

Being forgotten, deep waters (pools, lakes, oceans, rivers etc)

Regrets:

Not being there for her friend whom committed suicide due to relentless bullying

Pet Peeves:

When her belongings are moved around

Willingness to Kill:

If it’s for a good cause, she’ll kill someone.

Good Traits:

Flirtatious, Humorous, Kind, Gentle

Bad Traits:

Sarcastic, Cold, Secluded, Untrusting of others

Likes:

Not being poked at, hanging out with Gar and Rachel, watching crime shows, reading horror stories on the web, cooking for her grandmother

Dislikes:

When people touch her without her permission, hospitals, when her past is used against her, when something isn’t cooked right

"My father was a drunk, mother was an addict"

[-----------------------------------------]

[•RELATIONS•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Father:

Robert Kingly Choi, Alive, Divorced from Lin shortly after Minnie turned 16, alcoholic

Mother:

Lin Kingly Choi, Alive, Divorced from Robert shortly after Minnie turned 16, recovering addict

Sister(s):

Katie Kingly Choi, Alive, currently lives with their grandmother

Lover:

NA (depends on roleplay)

Friends:

• Garfield Logan

• Rachel Roth

• Kory

• Dick Grayson

Mentor:

N/A

Pets:

A black cat named Cheshire

Other:

A grandmother named Lena, alive, currently owns custody of her sister

"I never asked for this power"

[-----------------------------------------]

[•POWER INFO•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Power:

Black Magic

Quick Summary:

The extent of her power is unknown, nor how she obtained it.

Strengths:

N/A (will edit once I’ve thought of some)

Weaknesses:

N/A (will edit once I’ve thought of some)

Transportation:

A car, model and license plate unknown

Stats:

Strength: 8/10

Perception: 8/10

Endurance: 8/10

Charisma: 6/10

Agility: 8/10

Intelligence: 7/10

Speed: 8/10

Durability: 7/10

Fighting Skill: 8/10

Luck: 7/10

Confidence: 6/10

"You need to know my life story too? Goddamn"

[-----------------------------------------]

[•BACKSTORY•]

[-----------------------------------------]

Quick summary:

Born in Seoul, South Korea. Moved to Sydney, Australia at the age of 1. Became the second victim of her fathers abuse at the age of 6. Moved to San Francisco, CA at the age of 16 to live with her grandmother and younger sister; resulting in her parents divorcing due to no longer having custody over the girls.

#CircusClownSam OCs #hbo titans #netflix titans #titans rp #titans oc

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notsosilentsister · 1 year

Text

How to enjoy challenging books

The one thing you need to enjoy reading a challenging book is patience - patience with the book, and patience with yourself. Sometimes you really just need to be in a certain frame of mind to get something out a book, and the best course of action is to put it back on the shelf and return to it at a more convenient time.

My mother, who is maybe the most voracious reader I know - our home has been wall to wall books since I can remember - had a year after getting her doctorate degree in which she could read nothing but Karl May. I like challenging books, but I've certainly had my Karl May years too (in my case tumblr, twitter and K-drama). Sometimes life circumstances are such that the mind gets overstrained, and then challenging books are really not what the doctor ordered for a good while. Your life has been very stressful recently. Hopefully that stress will abate eventually. I bet you'll find your way back to challenging books then, but you need to give yourself enough time to get back into the groove. Pushing yourself too hard is the most likely cause for the resentment you're currently feeling, and it's what's nipping any potential enjoyment you might get from your reading in the bud. Here are some things I do to get back into the groove after a Karl May phase: I don't push myself at all. My goal is not to finish the book, but to approach it with an open mind, try to get out of it what I can, and read however many pages I decide to read without resenting the experience. I allow myself to defer judgment. Sometimes, when a book is highly praised by people whose opinion I value, not getting the fuss can feel like a failure, some sort of deficiency in myself. I don't want to think this, but I also don't want to accuse these people of falling for a hype; I don't want to be that sort of person who dismisses anything they don't get as overrated. So I remind myself that neither has to be the case - maybe it's just bad timing, maybe the time for this book hasn't come yet in my life. And indeed, from experience I know that sometimes books that lingered on my shelves for years end up turning into favourites once I'm finally in the right mind for them. I remind myself of the joy of reading challenging books by rereading challenging books I've enjoyed in the past. I'm not normally much of a rereader, because I usually crave novelty. I often think that I'm missing out because of this. You can get such a different experience, so much more profound insights from a book on a reread! (I once got out of a deep identity crisis by rereading Musil's The Man Without Qualities at the perfect moment.) Reading a challenging book is always a bit of risk, because there's always a chance that the emperor was naked after all, and then it's difficult not to feel resentful. The big advantage of a reread is that you already know this book will personally resonate with you - but you have changed since your last reading, so it will resonate in a different way, and it can be fascinating to consider this difference, what it says about the way in which you have changed. Last but not least, I sometimes give myself an external incentive to read the book, not to force myself to finish, mind you, just as a bit of additional motivation to stick with it a little bit longer than I normally would. For this, I turn on my English-major brain and go to the meta-level. There were, after all many books I wouldn't have picked up if they hadn't been on the reading-list for some class or other, and while reading them might have often felt like a bit of a slog in the moment, I almost never regret the time I spent on these books, because I've found myself thinking about them quite a bit since then, and it turns out they really helped me understand something I didn't understand before. (Mansfield Park has maybe Austen's least compelling romance - unless you determine that the actual romance is with the house - but the older I get, the more it becomes my favourite Austen, because it's the one that comes back to my mind the most; when my charger craps out on a long train ride, and my phone deserts me, I can reliably entertain myself for hours, just thinking about Mansfield Park and what it says and doesn't say about Austen's attitude towards slavery, for instance). Now, the true benefits of such reading often materialize quite late in the game, and it can be helpful to have some more tangible, immediate incentives in the interim, to tide you over the slog-part of the experience. In college it used to be the perspective of getting a good grade for that class. For many people it can be the idea of being able to discuss the book with their book club (and impress people with your keen analysis of the themes and implied world-view or bond with others over how tiresome you found the reading experience), but I have to admit that I'm not personally one for book clubs either. What I do is, that I sometimes give myself a little project connected with the book - eg. write about it on my tumblr, or write a Wikepedia article about it. Wikipedia can be really bad when it comes to books, especially books written by women, so I'm feeling like I'm doing humanity a service, and that makes my efforts feel worth it. Of course writing a Wikipedia article means engaging with the challenging book even more deeply - it means I don't just read the book, I also read a lot of reviews, and a couple of scholarly articles about it, just as I would for a paper in college. It might seem a bit counter-intuitive to spend all that time on a book that I might have found a bit dull actually. But in college I learned that sometimes engaging more deeply actually makes the book less dull in retrospect. Again, it's just a bit of extra-motivation though - if the book is too much of a slog, Wikipedia will have to do without me.

#reading #literature #journal #personal

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mlynar-nearl · 1 year

Note

the amount of pulls you just said was insane sorry, did you just say 290 for ling/lee? and 170 for gavalter/pozy? absolutely insane that is some. wow. (can i say anything i hand mhy my wallet like it is free)

ok but yeah i can see like.... why. i mean. i love old man nearl i want him, i want him now so i can finally get started on my nearl family agenda and have to m9/mod3/maxlvl everyone in the nearl family (i love them little lovelies) and i have only done this with nearlter but blemi needs rocks and i hate rocks i hate farming 1-7 with a passion i have literally postponed farming rocks so much i have like 7??? un-e2'ed 6*s just bcs they need rocks (and also bcs they are not meta lol)

ur wallet is terrifying. anyways will u max pot the old man? i feel like u wld tbh but like complete guess.

and yeah most ppl will talk abt honkais story instead since it is pretty good, but i like the gameplay very personally, like... im a sucker for good hack-and-slash games (that i can play on mobile bcs idh a pc oop) that also dont require *that* much brain and honkai has honestly filled up that for me lol. its nice its flashy i press buttons its a win-win

but yeah before that, for the longest time, it was just arknights that stuck with me and its really obvious why bcs its a really good game (even now ofc tho sss pains me in every way possible) and i still do is2 all the time for fun even tho ive maxed out my candle level for weeks alr like hell yeah !!! i love this game!!! i burn out sometimes but i usually get back within one or two events (hence my incomplete guide ahead + the one medal missing from lingering echos + i only completed medal set for tw on the rerun) but yeah i love arknights and sometimes i wish i had more friends to yell abt it !!! watched the concert (the one with phenomenal agents and i was rly sad that i couldnt talk abt it to anyone properly)

ah once again sorry for the length, but i would love to hear what other gacha games you play as well ! personally i am a gacha game only person (my standards are a bit low sometimes) and i dont play much outside of gacha tbh. ah and of course, have a nice day !

i pretty much only pull on limited banners which is why i could put in that many for gavial and pozy without dipping into the wallet that much. ling and lee, on the other hand, THAT shit hurted my money. for my arknights pulls i basically set myself a number of rules that rely on the slight delay between CN and global that let me think out ops in advance and such. essentially, i allow myself one operator release between limited banners to actually invest in, based on how they look, their mechanics, and what i like in a character. so mlynar is my one between gavialter/pozy and omertexas/penance, simple as. GG was a previous "one." so was surtr. unfortunately this system does mean i have to skip characters that i do like- for example, i prio'ed GG over gnosis and fiammetta, who i both really enjoy as characters- because i ruled that GG has the most utility that i can take advantage of in my average playstyle and her global range is just too good at covering for my smallbrain moments. so for that reason, i normally have around 17 ten-pulls saved for each limited banner including the free ones that you get (meaning i average around 175 pulls since i throw in a few singles to make it nice and even.) ling and lee were an exception since mr lee just decided to fight me on it. to this day the only operator released on a limited banner that hasn't come home is irene and that's because i put foresight in myself and reminded myself that gavialter and pozemka would be upcoming in a much shorter gap than between ling/lee and specalter/irene, and i would regret it if i went all in for irene. the primary goal is always the operator who will be impossible to get at any other time of the year. yes i plot these things that far in advance like a general going to war. it's how i Survive . i've been doing it pretty much since i started when the limited to save up for was W.

i don't intend to pull for maxpot on mlynar for this reason. even with him sitting at my all time favorite character in the game, it doesn't fit my standard of pulling. eyes are ahead to omertexas and penance once he's home. though i do have idle plans to use any royal guard tokens i get on him. i would like him to be maxpot someday but given that i generally roll with the broad goal of collecting as many characters as possible, it's incompatible for the moment.

rn i indulge at feh and genshin at the request of my friends who do play them. i do enjoy genshin and it's a fun time killer- it's a shame the fanbase is So. i try not to indulge in gacha games unless they're recommended to me by friends, and arknights was, in fact, a rec when it was fresh enough (i think right after partial necrosis dropped because i had the frostnova lore explained to me as a hook.) i started right at the tail end of nian's banner. most of the vibeo games i play are non-gacha to avoid the hurts to my wallet that mr lee put on it. at least with arknights i can feel like i'm actually paying them for a good game PFSDLGH.....

#ash answers #anonymous #i tend to be of the opinion that a lot of gacha games are exploitative which is why i dont really do them unless recommended #though when i was younger i was very into mobile gaming

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