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diseaseriddencube · 5 months

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braindumping about the hayase clan (even though I should really reread/rewatch the series before trying to analyze any of these guys bc it's been a while)

hayase: I'm kinda ambivalent towards her, she was kinda just the nasty iphone bitch when she showed up at first, but also just serving her role for yanome to control the villages or whatever. I never would've thought to interpret her reaction to Fushi as love or a new obsession, so that came out as a total plot twist to me later on, feels like a whole different character tbh, at first it just feels like she's doing her job.

so she shows up again, arguably cooler looking. and you know what, I love a good yandere, she's kinda badass and terrifically creepy, though her motives still just don't make much sense given her introduction in the series. does she love Fushi? does she just want to control and own him? does she want his children (<- the real answer right here)

most people hate her solely for the rape scene, and they are totally valid for that, unfortunately I am a freak and that kinda just makes me like her more— UH so she's kinda based for offering to let Fushi kill her so much, I respect her willingness to die in order to be 'immortal' even if only in her aspect rather than fye.

the fact that she fucked another man at the end, totally cheating on her waifu Fushi, just to have kids and make the rest of this series hayase hell is not something I can respect smh

she's a greasy haired menace to this franchise and I respect her commitment

hisame: idk lol she showed up for two episodes idc about her. goodbye stinky indoctrinated cult child 😍

kahaku: I was actually thinking of rereading while making a kahaku analysis essay but never got around to it... so we're going off memory here, though he is a character that needs precise introspection. I don't really like him at all tbh, I try to understand him, but I don't really like him for the most part. his backstory is simple and good, a boy in a line of what's supposed to be women, compelling. he has his funny moments, he's truly devoted to helping Fushi and not being weird about him (until he gets weird about him)

I think what makes me dislike him is his insistence that Fushi is a woman so that he can be straight and love Fushi only under those conditions, it's a very annoying way for an Unconditional Love character to act. it's low-key kinda gross like "she[Fushi] just hasn't opened up to her own femininity yet" like bro???? Fushi can be whatever they want, it almost sounds transphobic if it weren't for context 😭 the insistence on she/her regardless of whatever form he's in, and his own admission that he 'feels more like a boy I guess' is just kinda hhhnnnmmnmgghhg yeah

and remember how he promised not to be weird... yeah well that proposal scene went downhill so fast ;_; it almost feels out of character, and I guess we're supposed to blame it on the Hayase Insanity Gene kicking in? but it just ends up feeling like he was a liar this whole time and wasn't as respectful as he seemed. he acts well afterwards, but still,, yikes dude.

I appreciate his care for Fushi's mental well-being when nobody else does. I appreciate how hard he fought in the war, and it was really unfair of Kai to keep him locked up. that ending scene is really interesting, because he is Very Okay with killing his comrades and then just insulting them (look at messar's haunted face how could you say that to him) and I guess we'll never know if it was him or Lefty that attacked the immortals in the kitchen. he sounds like he's lying and making excuses to justify it, ough Fushi it was my left hand it wasn't me I would never (he would)

I don't blame him for ripping Fushi to shreds there (because it was definitely Lefty) though he was a little creepy about it two seconds before, like damn boy you look like you're about to commit a hayase rape scene when Fushi is vulnerable-

his suicide is pretty noble and I'd love it if it was an act of ending his bloodline... if it weren't for the fact that his bloodline comes back 💀

mizuha: ah mizuha, I don't know what to think about her at all. I suppose she needs a heavy analysis too. her introduction chapter was incredibly strong, I too, struggle with a heavy need for absolute perfection and a wish for death, so I instantly figured I'd like her. but she kinda just spirals downhill after that....

I'd like to take a moment to applaud the Hayase clan, one centered around having straight sex with a guy to get preggers, has so many gay descendants. mizuha x hanna literally being canon is ✨✨

mizuha is kind of a slow burn into madness, which makes her better than hayase becoming a yandere out of nowhere. like she already starts off with Issues, and doesn't seem like the happiest or most stable person that you could trust. but she's also a more normal modern girl with her own relationships outside of Fushi, she's more compelling that way.

her murdering her mother and not remembering it, yet being so weirdly casual about it and showing hints of the Hayase Insanity Gene when Fushi shows up, it's interesting stuff

when they're hiding out, the way she just demands all these modern amenities from him just makes it seem like she's lived a very privileged life, and she probably has.

I like that she wasn't instantly in love with him upon meeting either, she has her own love interest, but Lefty influences and controls her and has its own directive.

side note but I really really love the nokkers' shift into becoming parasites that control the bodies of depressed people so that they only feel their happiest moments... or in Mimori's case just suicide them for them 😍 can I get a nokker please-?

okay I kinda forgot everything that happened in between so I need to reread. but she slowly gets more influenced by her nokker and the rest of the nokker cult basically. she's a damaged teenage girl, being influenced and controlled by something with a millennia long goal that's beyond her.

the section where she's kept underground is pretty interesting. is it the nokker? or does she not care about herself anymore, she seems to have given in to their goals. I need to reread this in particular so I'll stop talking-

I recall she left on her own at the end, which was very mature of her. good riddance to mizuha :)

I think something a lot of people miss when analyzing or talking about her is her speech bubbles. I'm sure the anime will not do anything with that, and it'll become entirely ignored by the fandom. but if you're reading the manga, in Japanese or in English, look carefully whenever she's speaking. her font changes when it's her or the nokker speaking.. this is something that's incredibly important to check when you're analyzing her behavior vs what she doesn't remember/what the nokker says and does

izumi: can't talk about Mizuha without mentioning her mother, she is honestly one of my favorite descendants, simply because she's trying to break the line and get out of the cult. she's level headed, she's a good woman. even her bad mother behavior of the way she treats mizuha, is often just her forgetting due to the nokker's control over her, her obsessive picture taking especially

doro: I've seen her for one chapter and I would do anything for her, best hayase descendant by far she is a little lab coat science girl and she is so sweet and I love her I love her so bad there better be so much doro content in my future, my beautiful mud girl 🥺🥺🥺

Lefty: does left hand count as a hayase member? probably yeah. there isn't a lot of personality to it, but it's interesting that it's just some random nokker that borrowed into some insane person's arm and decided their goals aligned. so it fights against other nokkers, but can also be willing to betray its host if needed. it learned to write and speak and mimic because it was asked to do so. it wants Fushi carnally, it wants Fushi to dominate it hdhgggsfjjdd why did it say that 😭 (yes it was the font thing with mizuha again, the nokker wanted Fushi to dominate her so bad)

I'm sure someone else could do a much better analysis of Lefty than I could, I never paid much attention to it...

anyways I should finish my rewatch of s1 that I've neglected for a while now (watching it in German 😍 and then watching s2 subbed because I hate Bon's German voice)

#rave ramblees #to your eternity #fumetsu no anata e #hayase tye #long post

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magicalyaku · 1 year

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I forgot what I wanted to write as introduction (again), but who cares. To everyone’s surprise, I did read books in December!

Reverie (Ryan La Sala): To prepare for the end of the year I took a look at the TBR I posted in January and realised there's still quite a few books on it I did not touch this year, ahem. Reverie was one of them! It was an interesting read. Like not my favourite but damn, I am so starved for everything speculative fiction. So I ate it up. When I read in the author's bio at the end that Ryan La Sala watches anime and started out with Sailor Moon, suddenly a lot of the book made sense. The friends group with magical powers, the over-the-top battles, the flashy villain(ess). Very anime. But I like anime, so all is well.

Too Like the Lightning (Travis Beaudois): For Christmas I wanted to give my friend a cheap little gay ebook as a bonus to the other gift. On her wishlist though was only some strange book, apparently written by a 12-year-old and unedited and maybe it's still good, but I felt I'd rather give my money to a person who actually has taken the time and effort to edit their book. A while ago I read a recommendation for Too Like the Lightning here, so I picked it up to check if it might be something my friend might like. It's a cute book. Nice characters, nice development, really feel-good atmosphere. I liked it! But I also know my friend reads for the porn und I honestly couldn't remember the smutty scenes afterwards. 8D I mean, there were some. And they weren't bad. My ace-brain just does not remember. Cute book, though.

In the Middle of Somewhere (Roan Parrish): I decided against Lightning for my friend and thought about what other book I could pick instead. A review of Lightning compared it to Roan Parrish which was one incentive for me to buy Lightning in the first place because I really liked the one Roan Parrish book I read before. But that was vol3. Gifting vol3 would be weird. I should go with vol1. So I borrowed it from the library to test-read. xD And damn, it was good. Definitely a lot more spicy and intense that Lightning, but also funny and real nice to read. Daniel was more interesting than he appeared to be in vol3. And aw, when Leo had his first appearance! And then Will, too! That was fun. While reading Lightning and Middle of Somewhere back to back I noticed how weird it is to have stories with just two characters interacting and no one else around. Consequently my favourite scene of the book was when Daniel, Rex, Leo and Will spent Halloween together.

Where we left off (Roan Parrish): Afterwards I told my other friend how I'm done with the dirty books for the year and of course I lied, because the next day I started rereading the 2nd sequel to Middle of Somewhere. What choice did I have? I just like Leo and Will! (as in together but also as separate characters) D: This is an interesting one though, because there's so much character work going on. Leo is thinking and reflecting and learning about all these things like physics and yoga to the point he's able to apply something he learned there to something else in his life. Good boy. Also he has an actual group of friends to balance out his obsession with Will.

The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels (India Holton): Well. I read this because of a recommendation. It was interesting and entertaining. For a while. I like how it just rolls with the absurd ideas and behaviours. But it also uses a lot of words and at some point I was like "There's still 150 pages left?!" I was getting very impatient. The romance didn't help. For the first 6 chapters I was so confused. There's a bunch of badass ladies around, why would she fall for a man? And then I remembered, that this isn't a queer book at all. uAu" Wasted opportunity. And I hated the smut scene! Why was it even necessary?! Changing the perspective three times? Ugh. So yeah, entertaining for a while, but ultimately not my cup of tea.

I’ll be home for Christmas (Mason Deaver): A bonus story to I Wish You all the Best, hardly qualifies as a real book. But. I bought this in summer after finishing the main story and put it off to read it in-season. And then I almost forgot. uAub It’s cute and short and a nice follow-up.

Mirrored in Evergreen (B. Pigeon): This one was a little odd. In the beginning I was slightly confused to the order of events and wtf is going on but it's a short book so with just a little patience things are set in order. I did like the characters. The way Rowan is so no-nonsense about everything was very unexpected and welcome. Rosemary was also nice. And I definitely liked the overall atmosphere. That sort of despair, melancholy, nostalgia. That's what it felt like for me anyways. I don't think I understood everything. I'm surely still blind to half of the characters’ motives, but overall I did enjoy reading the book. And because of that remaining sense of mystery I can totally see myself rereading it in the not-so-far future.

Howl (Shaun David Hutchinson): Earlier this month I started reading You've Reached Sam because I had a hot melancholic second where I felt like I could use a little bit of pain so we can suffer in sympathy. The next day I was already over it und shelved the book because I didn't want to deal with the suffering. And then I picked Howl for my last book of 2022 and guess what I got! It's SD Hutchinson so it's not as straightforward and also not about the romance so it's easier to read for me, but goddamn the SUFFERING! Why can people be so shitty? Ugh! I do like his stories though and the way he tells them.

And that’s it! Stay tuned for my Best-of that I still have to compose (effort) and TBR (too easy)!

#yaku reads #december wrap up #books #booklr #queer books #queer lit #lgbtq books #reverie #in the middle of somewhere #where we left off #roan parrish #too like the lightning #the wisteria society of lady scoundrels #i'll be home for christmas #howl #shaun david hutchinson #mirrored in evergreen

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buubuu-sedai · 1 year

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Introduction to my Love for Wheel of Time + Re-read Blog Announcement

Greetings various beings! I am here today to awkwardly ramble my way through an introduction and my intentions of starting a re-read blog of my beloved Wheel of Time. (TLDR I guess)

First things first!

A bit about myself ->->->

In reality I'm a 36 year old non-binary asexual person who is pretty neurodivergent (albeit undiagnosed). I have a deep nostalgic love for the 90's which pairs well with my cynical and existential nature. I am a liberal user of cuss words which has only been exacerbated by working in a kitchen (I'm a baker/line cook).

In virtual reality, buubuu sedai is all of those things plus gets to be a cat-person as well which is pretty rad, not gonna lie. Also they're Aes Sedai because I say so. Purple Ajah because ever since I discovered I was Ace the color purple has slowly overtaken my life lmao. Buubuu is a name for a character i created in high school after watching a lot of Dragon Ball Z. Majin Buu -> booboo -> buubuu. I don' t know it tickles my brain.

How I was First Introduced to Wheel of Time

My mother and her two sisters all love to read and their book interests varied from romance to fantasy to suspense and everything in between. They traded books between themselves pretty regularly and when I was maybe 10 or 11 (or maybe younger I dunno my memories are fuzzy) I got to be a part of that book trading group. I was already an avid reader as a child (I once got left on the playground after recess in elementary school because I was sitting on a swing reading Charlotte's Web) I loved borrowing books from the school library and would read whatever I could get my hands on. I did have an early preference for fantasy cuz I though wizards and elves were really cool (still do).

Around 13-14 one of my aunts had been reading WoT and they brought us the first 7ish books? Maybe 8. I was hooked pretty hard right from the beginning. As a kid I was extremely impressionable and I latched on to the characters straight away. I felt really attached to the story and world as it was an escape from my social awkwardness and my tumultuous home life. What a great escape it was holy cow.

Any time a new book came out my aunt would read it and then let us borrow it. I'd always request the other books so I could reread them, too! When I finally got myself a job (around 19 because I was riddled with anxiety) I started collecting all the books for myself so I could read whenever I wanted to.

After that I would just constantly do re-reads nearly every year. I had spoiled myself pretty young on the level of detail I expected from a book so while I did read other book series, I couldn't find that same world building anywhere but WoT.

Blog Intentions

I'm gonna start a re-read and do chapter summaries a few times a week. I'll do a spoiler free summary at the top and a spoiler heavy at the bottom with all my nostalgic impressions and rambling.

I wouldn't say I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the series, but I know a lot. I used to spend as much time as I could reading theories online as a teenager. I didn't have a ton of theories myself other than I really thought an actual dragon would show up at some point. (I thought the Spine of the World would turn out to be a sleeping dragon that woke up lmao)

Wheel of TIme pretty much lives rent free in my brain and I really haven't known anyone in real life who also has read it and loved it as much as me. So here I am on the interwebs to scream that love into the void and maybe have something scream back (ok maybe don't scream at me but maybe high five?)

Aaaaaanyway

I hope you'll join me and I can't wait to start!

#wheel of time #tumblr of time #twitter of time #wot #non binary #asexual #wot reread #aes sedai #purple ajah

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cerealandchoccymilk · 11 months

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Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #05

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CW: Some of my analysis in this post handles the topic of death and suicide (there will be a warning around that portion). There are also more spoilers than usual. Stay safe!

I’m doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc.

As always, here are the silly silly non-analysis panels:

And the rest is under the cut >:)

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

Milly and Meryl (especially Milly goddamn) rolling nat 20's on their perception checks. It really is scary how good their sixth sense is.

In the previous chapter, Vash asked for (and for a while was using) a 3rd class seat, but it looks like he asked for a grade-up or something to accomodate for Kaito.

A sort-of mistranslation - Kaito means that Vash talks as if he were someone from the Big Fall (because in that time period, there's no way any human from then would be alive), so it should be more like "You talk as if you were actually at the Big Fall, over a hundred years ago." The existing phrasing could also mean that, but this would make it less ambiguous. Also, I would replace his "I/my" statements with "we/our," since it's not specified and he assumes Vash is just a human that's talking weirdly.

This line is really interesting to me from a rereading standpoint. At this point, Vash's origins and age are still a mystery, and this is the first hint at it. Vash's expression makes me think that maybe he was reminded that no one other than him (+Knives+the people at the Home ship) is from that time period. To the overwhelming majority of people, No Man's Land is their only home; this life is all they know.

Don't have much to say about this one that's not in the image. Vash's pussy is out again. Excellent (horrible) form. Kaito is either a bit worried about how hard he fell, or he doesn't give a shit and is just nervous/cautious about the mission.

I love how over-the-top neon is. Smoking a firework!! Damn!!

A decent amount of lines from Neon and the BL gang (I'm going to call them that exclusively) are in katakana English.

I like how he says "maggots" in place of the...rude 3rd person pronoun (??)(that sounds kinda stupid in english lmao) Neon says something more like "It's about time that boy set everything up!!" referring to the small bombs he was putting in the vents.

His pose here reminds me of kabuki. I'm not sure about details, since I don't know much about kabuki... But it looks like a stereotypical kabuki pose. Another over-the-top point for Neon.

In Japanese, the first line has "reeking of manure" describing the wagons. For the "Big Man" in Japanese, the kanji for the sandsteamer (砂蒸気, usually ruby-ed サンドスチーム/sandsteamer) with the ruby note saying Big Man (ビッグ・マン). Also, the guy mentions that the chasing them off is part of the fee they paid.

More over-the-top-ness from Neon. In the Japanese version, the first line looks a lot like one of those super long German words to me lol (究極華麗弩級盗賊). The portion saying "The Bad Lads Gang!" in Japanese is pretty much just "Hhhhhheaaaddd!!!!" (as in leader).

The introduction for Neon actually has play on words/kanji. The word 降臨 (kōrin) is originally for Christ's coming or descent, usually used for any arrival of someone "godly" (fyi Japanese has a much more casual sense of godliness than in English). What it says here, though, is 光臨, which replaces the first hald with the character for "light" (also kō). How bright can this guy get!?

Did Kaito nicely go through the trouble of moving Vash onto the bed before venting? how... that's a grown man...

And here is Rem's first appearance!! Just now realized that her name is probably based off of REM sleep (the stage of sleep associated with dreaming). The two are wearing similar (but not the same) clothes, with Rem wearing a tucked t-shirt and jeans, and Vash wearing an untucked button-up and jeans. I'm not smart enough for this but there's gotta be something to analyze here along with the fact that Vash is an adult (the dream isn't entirely based on memory)... Also, this is the first time we see Vash in a casual outfit.

This may very well be me reading into things too much, but it stuck out to me that Rem is barefoot while Vash has sneakers on. I had two speculations about this. One is that Rem has been at that picnic for longer than Vash, and Vash just got (appeared...?) there. I'm not sure about Western picnic customs/etiquette, but in Japan, you always take your shoes off when sitting down on the tarp. Rem is the one that set the picnic up, but Vash hasn't had the chance to even take his shoes off. this sounds kinda stupid now that im typing it out. idek (throws computer out of window) [death/sui cw] The other, more messed up one is that it symbolizes Rem's death. This one is definitely more overanalysis-y!! It reminded me of what Reigen did during the final arc of MP100...iykyk. During the Great Fall, Rem willingly stayed on the ship to save humanity, sacrificing herself. I'll spare the details, but in Japanese culture, people often take their shoes off before committing suicide. It's a frequently used symbol in art that handles the topic. Rem being barefoot may be symbolizing her resolve at the time of her death, of being prepared to die if it means she can save one more person. [/cw]

did i write all that for a single panel. this aut really be isming OH MY GOD MY COMPUTER JUST RAN OUT OF BATTERY I HAD A HEART ATTACK. I FORGOT IT WASNT PLUGGED IN HOLY SHIT THANK GOD FOR AUTOSAVE.

This line of Vash's is also interesting. Is he viewing "people" from an outsider's perspective, as an independent Plant? Or is including himself in that, questioning the meaning of his own current life in the desert planet, too?

In Japanese. way he responded to Rem's giggling looked a bit childish to me, like he reverted a bit back to his childhood, or he's just being a more relaxed around Rem. mom........

Ok okokok. In Japanese, she (more literally) says "All I can muster/the best I can do is ask my heart [the destination] (read: what I can do)." This may be a translation correction but I honestly was not thinking about that at all during the annotation lol. I'm too sleepy to actually talk about the importance of this line and the way it's phrased. but you get it. you get it.........

Silly Vash face for the first time in a while!! Vash's reaction upon waking gives me the impression that this is the first time (in a long while, at least) that he's dreamed about Rem...? he looks so cute..........................help...................

And that’s it for Chapter #05! As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

i know i'm getting very behind. theres absolutely no way im going to complete all this in real time with the book club. and all this stuff about rem is not helping. send help

#hopefully we can just catch up once the trimax weeks start #since they have significantly less chapters per volume lmao #trigunbookclub #trigun annotation #trigun #trigun manga

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faintingheroine · 3 years

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Wuthering Heights Reread - Chapter 3

This chapter is a bit overwhelming, since it is the chapter that is comprised of the most diverse parts and has the iconic ghost scene, but I will try my best.

“While leading the way upstairs, she recommended that I should hide the candle, and not make a noise; for her master had an odd notion about the chamber she would put me in, and never let anybody lodge there willingly. I asked the reason. She did not know, she answered: she had only lived there a year or two; and they had so many queer goings on, she could not begin to be curious.”

Heathcliff has forbidden people to lodge in Catherine’s room, which is unsurprising since it is more or less kept as it was during her childhood.

Zillah has been at the Heights for a couple of years since she had taken the job from the unnamed housekeeper who left a couple of years after Linton’s coming to the area. Zillah claims to be incurious about the goings on at the Heights which does fit her apathetic character but which raises the question of whether she had let Lockwood to lodge in the room solely for the sake of charity as this would imply or she was curious about the haunted room.

“Too stupefied to be curious myself, I fastened my door and glanced round for the bed. The whole furniture consisted of a chair, a clothes-press, and a large oak case, with squares cut out near the top resembling coach windows. Having approached this structure, I looked inside, and perceived it to be a singular sort of old-fashioned couch, very conveniently designed to obviate the necessity for every member of the family having a room to himself. In fact, it formed a little closet, and the ledge of a window, which it enclosed, served as a table. I slid back the panelled sides, got in with my light, pulled them together again, and felt secure against the vigilance of Heathcliff, and every one else.”

I was able to properly visualize the oak-paneled bed for the first time in this reading. Apparently this type of box-beds were fairly popular in Northern Europe to keep one warm during the cold winter, but here the bed encloses the window which might defeat this purpose.

This bed is the symbol of Catherine’s childhood and Catherine and Heathcliff’s connection within the story. Its solitary state and it enclosing the window may symbolize them having no one but each other and the outside world. It also resembles them lying in a coffin together which is effectively what happens at the end.

“The ledge, where I placed my candle, had a few mildewed books piled up in one corner; and it was covered with writing scratched on the paint. This writing, however, was nothing but a name repeated in all kinds of characters, large and small—Catherine Earnshaw, here and there varied to Catherine Heathcliff, and then again to Catherine Linton.”

These carvings basically both summarize and prophesy the story. Earnshaw-Heathcliff-Linton is Catherine’s life story, the reverse - Linton-Heathcliff-Earnshaw - will be her daughter’s, the potential “Catherine Heathcliff” actually being realized through Heathcliff’s own machinations. Only in Wuthering Heights a teenage girl experimenting with her potential husbands’ surnames can have a prophetic, almost mythical significance.

“It was a Testament, in lean type, and smelling dreadfully musty: a fly-leaf bore the inscription ‘Catherine Earnshaw, her book,’ and a date some quarter of a century back.”

“Quarter of a century” is most likely close to the truth. Catherine’s diary entry that is featured in the text must be from November 1777, 24 years almost to the month before Lockwood reading it in 1801.

“Some were detached sentences; other parts took the form of a regular diary, scrawled in an unformed, childish hand. At the top of an extra page (quite a treasure, probably, when first lighted on) I was greatly amused to behold an excellent caricature of my friend Joseph—rudely, yet powerfully sketched. An immediate interest kindled within me for the unknown Catherine, and I began forthwith to decipher her faded hieroglyphics.”

Catherine is characterful and rebellious even in her first introduction. She is also effectively portrayed as an antagonist of Joseph.

Note the use of “hieroglyphics”, Catherine’s childhood memories are given the status of something mysterious and important, just like with the carvings. I love this.

“‘An awful Sunday,’ commenced the paragraph beneath. ‘I wish my father were back again. Hindley is a detestable substitute—his conduct to Heathcliff is atrocious—H. and I are going to rebel—we took our initiatory step this evening.”

We first hear Catherine through her own voice which is significant. She is thoroughly sympathetic in this anecdote, acting like a typical tomboyish character except for her harming the religious book given to her by Joseph. She is thoroughly empathetic and caring towards Heathcliff, and I don’t think that this should necessarily be negated through her narcissistic identification with him. They have a beautiful friendship and they are each other’s only allies in a loveless and cold household.

“All day had been flooding with rain; we could not go to church, so Joseph must needs get up a congregation in the garret; and, while Hindley and his wife basked downstairs before a comfortable fire—doing anything but reading their Bibles, I’ll answer for it—Heathcliff, myself, and the unhappy ploughboy were commanded to take our prayer-books, and mount: we were ranged in a row, on a sack of corn, groaning and shivering, and hoping that Joseph would shiver too, so that he might give us a short homily for his own sake. A vain idea! The service lasted precisely three hours; and yet my brother had the face to exclaim, when he saw us descending, “What, done already?” On Sunday evenings we used to be permitted to play, if we did not make much noise; now a mere titter is sufficient to send us into corners.”

Lockwood’s religious dream about Jabez Branderham is clearly influenced by him reading this. In this reread I really noticed how much Lockwood’s two dreams are a consequence of what he read in Catherine’s diary.

Mr. Earnshaw was known to be quite religious, but he did let the children play on Sundays. We must remember that Heathcliff was his favorite though, I am not sure if he would let that if it were Catherine only.

Hindley’s first line is actually “What, done already?” rather than what I posited it to be here. I was mistaken. Still the diary entry introduces us to Hindley’s character and this introduction reflects his character and his role in the story pretty efficiently. He is a tyrant but a fairly incompetent one.

“You forget you have a master here,” says the tyrant. “I’ll demolish the first who puts me out of temper! I insist on perfect sobriety and silence. Oh, boy! was that you? Frances darling, pull his hair as you go by: I heard him snap his fingers.” Frances pulled his hair heartily, and then went and seated herself on her husband’s knee, and there they were, like two babies, kissing and talking nonsense by the hour—foolish palaver that we should be ashamed of. We made ourselves as snug as our means allowed in the arch of the dresser. I had just fastened our pinafores together, and hung them up for a curtain, when in comes Joseph, on an errand from the stables.”

Hindley insisting on perfect sobriety and silence is clearly ironic.

Hindley and his wife’s relationship is clearly portrayed as sexual here. Hindley doesn’t actually care about Catherine and Heathcliff’s religious education, he just wants to be alone with his wife. Catherine and Heathcliff are disgusted by this display of affection which is fairly normal considering their ages.

Catherine and Heathcliff isolating themselves does resemble the isolation of the oak bed.

““Maister Hindley!” shouted our chaplain. “Maister, coom hither! Miss Cathy’s riven th’ back off ‘Th’ Helmet o’ Salvation,’ un’ Heathcliff’s pawsed his fit into t’ first part o’ ‘T’ Brooad Way to Destruction!’ It’s fair flaysome that ye let ’em go on this gait. Ech! th’ owd man wad ha’ laced ’em properly—but he’s goan!””

I love the books’ names, especially “The Broad Way to Destruction” being the name of Heathcliff’s book. If Wuthering Heights is ever adapted as a Kill Bill style duology, let the first film be named “The Broad Way to Destruction” and the second “The Helmet of Salvation”.

Catherine remembers her father as better than Hindley, but here Joseph praises how he was physically violent to the children. This is a reflection of how Catherine’s nostalgic view of the past may be better than the way things actually were, as it always is with nostalgia.

“‘Hindley hurried up from his paradise on the hearth, and seizing one of us by the collar, and the other by the arm, hurled both into the back-kitchen;”

Graeme Tytler notes how the kitchen is the place of punishment or the residence of the servants, but also the most resilient part of the house; a lot of significant events happen in the kitchens of WH and TG, and the kitchen is the only part of Wuthering Heights that will not be shut down after Cathy and Hareton’s marriage.

“I reached this book, and a pot of ink from a shelf, and pushed the house-door ajar to give me light, and I have got the time on with writing for twenty minutes; but my companion is impatient, and proposes that we should appropriate the dairywoman’s cloak, and have a scamper on the moors, under its shelter. A pleasant suggestion—and then, if the surly old man come in, he may believe his prophecy verified—we cannot be damper, or colder, in the rain than we are here.’

I suppose Catherine fulfilled her project, for the next sentence took up another subject: she waxed lachrymose.

‘How little did I dream that Hindley would ever make me cry so!’ she wrote. ‘My head aches, till I cannot keep it on the pillow; and still I can’t give over. Poor Heathcliff! Hindley calls him a vagabond, and won’t let him sit with us, nor eat with us any more; and, he says, he and I must not play together, and threatens to turn him out of the house if we break his orders. He has been blaming our father (how dared he?) for treating H. too liberally; and swears he will reduce him to his right place—’”

An important question is whether this scamper on the moors is the same one as their fateful visit to the Grange. There are many indications of them being one and the same. They both feature the dairywoman’s cloak, they are both on a Sunday, they both happen after the children are banished from the sitting room, and they both lead to a difference in the situation of Catherine and Heathcliff’s friendship. But on the other hand Nelly presents Heathcliff’s demotion as happening before their visit to the Grange. I don’t know. It probably is the same incident since the Grange incident is arguably the most pivotal event in the book and it would be fitting if this were the anecdote that Lockwood read before his encounter with the ghost. And there are many details pointing to them being the same incident. But it is still debatable.

“we cannot be damper, or colder, in the rain than we are here.’” - This is heartbreaking and points to why Heathcliff and Catherine had connected so much with the moors. The “inside” didn’t have a place for them.

What I like about this diary entry is that apart from the possible relation to the Grange incident there is nothing extraordinary or exceptional about it in the context of the book. It is probably a typical day at Wuthering Heights. It probably sounds familiar to people who were raised in an oppressive and abusive household.

“Alas, for the effects of bad tea and bad temper! What else could it be that made me pass such a terrible night? I don’t remember another that I can at all compare with it since I was capable of suffering.”

I just like the “bad tea and bad temper”.

“I began to dream, almost before I ceased to be sensible of my locality. I thought it was morning; and I had set out on my way home, with Joseph for a guide. The snow lay yards deep in our road; and, as we floundered on, my companion wearied me with constant reproaches that I had not brought a pilgrim’s staff: telling me that I could never get into the house without one, and boastfully flourishing a heavy-headed cudgel, which I understood to be so denominated. For a moment I considered it absurd that I should need such a weapon to gain admittance into my own residence. Then a new idea flashed across me. I was not going there: we were journeying to hear the famous Jabez Branderham preach, from the text ‘Seventy Times Seven;’ and either Joseph, the preacher, or I had committed the ‘First of the Seventy-First,’ and were to be publicly exposed and excommunicated.”

I think this is a very well-written account of how dreams work. Especially the first sentence of the paragraph, yes sometimes one dreams while also being half-awake and still half-aware of one’s surroundings. And the way he rationalizes the illogical stuff in his dream and directs the course of the dream according to that rationalization is great. The portrayal of dreams in the novel is ahead of its time.

“We came to the chapel. I have passed it really in my walks, twice or thrice; it lies in a hollow, between two hills: an elevated hollow, near a swamp, whose peaty moisture is said to answer all the purposes of embalming on the few corpses deposited there.”

And here, my friends, is why Catherine’s corpse didn’t decay. No, Heathcliff wasn’t hallucinating, her corpse genuinely didn’t decay. Catherine Earnshaw’s corpse is a bog body. She was buried in the churchyard and the peat almost buried her grave. The reader doesn’t even have to independently know the concept of a bog body to come to this conclusion, the author explained how it works here.

“The roof has been kept whole hitherto; but as the clergyman’s stipend is only twenty pounds per annum, and a house with two rooms, threatening speedily to determine into one, no clergyman will undertake the duties of pastor: especially as it is currently reported that his flock would rather let him starve than increase the living by one penny from their own pockets. However, in my dream, Jabez had a full and attentive congregation;”

This kind of points to a hypocrisy, people were really particular about Heathcliff and Catherine going to the church as children but not enough to actually aid the pastor. On the other hand there are less mentions of the characters going to chapel in the second half of the book which might be related to the dilapidated state of it, but it also might be a coincidence. I will pay closer attention to it when I reach the second half of the book in this reread.

“Jabez had a full and attentive congregation; and he preached—good God! what a sermon; divided into four hundred and ninety parts, each fully equal to an ordinary address from the pulpit, and each discussing a separate sin! Where he searched for them, I cannot tell. He had his private manner of interpreting the phrase, and it seemed necessary the brother should sin different sins on every occasion. They were of the most curious character: odd transgressions that I never imagined previously.”

This religious dream is the most puzzling part of Wuthering Heights since it doesn’t seem to be directly related to anything else in the novel. But it bears some significance for the rest of the novel: It heightens the impact of the ghost dream since it is now not the only dream Lockwood has dreamt. It is clearly a reflection of how much Lockwood was effected by Catherine’s diary entry with his dream being about an overly long religious service. It is also related to the rest of the novel with its themes of forgiveness, revenge and the misuse of religion.

I would like to hear the odd transgressions Jabez came up with, I bet they were funny.

“The four hundred and ninety-first is too much. Fellow-martyrs, have at him! Drag him down, and crush him to atoms, that the place which knows him may know him no more!’

‘Thou art the man!’ cried Jabez, after a solemn pause, leaning over his cushion. ‘Seventy times seven times didst thou gapingly contort thy visage—seventy times seven did I take counsel with my soul—Lo, this is human weakness: this also may be absolved! The First of the Seventy-First is come. Brethren, execute upon him the judgement written. Such honour have all His saints!’”

I love how the transgressions here are an overly long religious service and yawning. This religious dream was much less serious and obviously allegorical than I remembered. It is interesting that Lockwood was the first to use violent language.

“With that concluding word, the whole assembly, exalting their pilgrim’s staves, rushed round me in a body; and I, having no weapon to raise in self-defence, commenced grappling with Joseph, my nearest and most ferocious assailant, for his. In the confluence of the multitude, several clubs crossed; blows, aimed at me, fell on other sconces. Presently the whole chapel resounded with rappings and counter rappings: every man’s hand was against his neighbour;”

This is foreshadowing of the cycles of revenge in the rest of the novel, where the victim of the vengeance isn’t always the original wrong-doer.

“What had played Jabez’s part in the row? Merely the branch of a fir-tree that touched my lattice as the blast wailed by, and rattled its dry cones against the panes! I listened doubtingly an instant; detected the disturber, then turned and dozed, and dreamt again: if possible, still more disagreeably than before.”

I did forget about this passage. I remembered this as a “dream within a dream” situation but no, the two dreams are clearly two separate dreams, Lockwood remembers waking up and sleeping again.

“I thought, I rose and endeavoured to unhasp the casement. The hook was soldered into the staple: a circumstance observed by me when awake, but forgotten.”

Heathcliff soldered the hook of the window of Catherine’s room after Cathy had ran away through it to see her dying father for one last time.

“I must stop it, nevertheless!’ I muttered, knocking my knuckles through the glass, and stretching an arm out to seize the importunate branch; instead of which, my fingers closed on the fingers of a little, ice-cold hand!”

The absence of any blood on Lockwood’s hand or the glass not being broken are indications that this was a dream after all. This does not necessarily mean that the ghost is not real, she could have haunted Lockwood in his dream just like she had presumably done when Heathcliff had slept in the room. But in this reread I have given more credence than ever to the idea that this was a mere dream of Lockwood’s and the ghost is not real. Lockwood’s first dream is clearly influenced by Catherine’s diary entry and so is the second one. In the diary entry Catherine was a sad child wandering on the moors in the cold, and that is also what she is in the dream.

“The intense horror of nightmare came over me: I tried to draw back my arm, but the hand clung to it, and a most melancholy voice sobbed, ‘Let me in—let me in!’ ‘Who are you?’ I asked, struggling, meanwhile, to disengage myself. ‘Catherine Linton,’ it replied, shiveringly (why did I think of Linton? I had read Earnshaw twenty times for Linton) ‘I’m come home: I’d lost my way on the moor!’ As it spoke, I discerned, obscurely, a child’s face looking through the window.”

It is interesting that in the diary entry she yearned to leave Wuthering Heights and scamper on the moors, and in the dream the ghost tries to get in Wuthering Heights.

She is “Catherine Linton” because she had only become truly lost and left Wuthering Heights when she had become a Linton. For all of the disorder and violence of Wuthering Heights Catherine feels that she belongs to there. Which is what some children in abusive households might feel, since this is what they are used to.

“Terror made me cruel; and, finding it useless to attempt shaking the creature off, I pulled its wrist on to the broken pane, and rubbed it to and fro till the blood ran down and soaked the bedclothes: still it wailed, ‘Let me in!’ and maintained its tenacious gripe, almost maddening me with fear.”

Despite his mamma’s boy antics Lockwood has a latent potential for violence, throughout Chapter 2 he wanted to beat up someone. Now that he has encountered someone both weak and scary he becomes truly violent. This scene is also the first indication of how dark and violent Wuthering Heights really is and especially of how violence in it is depicted so nonchalantly rather than being sensationalized and especially focused on.

“ ‘How can I!’ I said at length. ‘Let me go, if you want me to let you in!’ The fingers relaxed, I snatched mine through the hole, hurriedly piled the books up in a pyramid against it, and stopped my ears to exclude the lamentable prayer. I seemed to keep them closed above a quarter of an hour; yet, the instant I listened again, there was the doleful cry moaning on! ‘Begone!’ I shouted. ‘I’ll never let you in, not if you beg for twenty years.’ ‘It is twenty years,’ mourned the voice: ‘twenty years. I’ve been a waif for twenty years!’ Thereat began a feeble scratching outside, and the pile of books moved as if thrust forward. I tried to jump up; but could not stir a limb; and so yelled aloud, in a frenzy of fright.”

20 years is interesting. 20 years ago Catherine was a 15-16 years old engaged to Edgar. This is probably a reference to how Heathcliff had run away about 21 years ago, which is interesting since later in the book the scene adult Catherine returns to is their first separation when she was 12, but here she seems to be haunted by her engagement to Edgar and Heathcliff running away. And 20 years ago, at the time of the engagement, Catherine was 15 years old, not an adult but certainly not a child in the way the ghost is. Is it simply an indication that the ghost lacks logic? Does it point to how Catherine had never really been able to grow up after the age of 12? Is it a reference to how dying at the age of 18-19 she never really had the chance to grow up? Is it proof that this is just Lockwood’s dream after all?

This scene is actually kind of frightening. Not when you are reading it in a Gothic novel in 2021, but it probably was mildly terrifying when it was 1847 and you weren’t expecting to encounter it. It could be fairly scary in an adaptation with the right cinematography and music and to be fair to Lockwood I would be horrified if it happened to me.

“At last, he said, in a half-whisper, plainly not expecting an answer, ‘Is any one here?’ I considered it best to confess my presence; for I knew Heathcliff’s accents, and feared he might search further, if I kept quiet.”

Heathcliff does not truly expect the ghost to be there, which is interesting.

“With this intention, I turned and opened the panels. I shall not soon forget the effect my action produced.

Heathcliff stood near the entrance, in his shirt and trousers; with a candle dripping over his fingers, and his face as white as the wall behind him. The first creak of the oak startled him like an electric shock: the light leaped from his hold to a distance of some feet, and his agitation was so extreme, that he could hardly pick it up.”

This is just a really good scene. It paints a very vivid picture.

A conservative older man on YouTube referred to Heathcliff’s face being as white as the wall as proof that he is white. As I have explained here this is clearly just a literary device to emphasize how scared and shocked he is. At most it might prove that he is not very dark skinned, but many non-white people can get pale when sick or shocked.

“Oh, God confound you, Mr. Lockwood! I wish you were at the—’ commenced my host, setting the candle on a chair, because he found it impossible to hold it steady. ‘And who showed you up into this room?’ he continued, crushing his nails into his palms, and grinding his teeth to subdue the maxillary convulsions. ‘Who was it? I’ve a good mind to turn them out of the house this moment?’

‘It was your servant Zillah,’ I replied, flinging myself on to the floor, and rapidly resuming my garments. ‘I should not care if you did, Mr. Heathcliff; she richly deserves it. I suppose that she wanted to get another proof that the place was haunted, at my expense. Well, it is—swarming with ghosts and goblins! You have reason in shutting it up, I assure you. No one will thank you for a doze in such a den!’”

It is easy to find Heathcliff’s physical mannerisms and reactions overly melodramatic and extreme and even I do sometimes, but I think in this case his anger and shock are wholly understandable.

Zillah might have left or been fired because of this reason. If I recall correctly she isn’t there when Lockwood visits the Heights in Chapter 31.

Did Zillah really wonder about whether the room is haunted? I think that she probably did. She might have wondered about it because it is shut up or she might have heard gossip about it.

“Scarcely were these words uttered when I recollected the association of Heathcliff’s with Catherine’s name in the book, which had completely slipped from my memory, till thus awakened. I blushed at my inconsideration: but, without showing further consciousness of the offence, I hastened to add ‘The truth is, sir, I passed the first part of the night in—’ Here I stopped afresh—I was about to say ‘perusing those old volumes,’ then it would have revealed my knowledge of their written, as well as their printed, contents; so, correcting myself, I went on ‘in spelling over the name scratched on that window-ledge. A monotonous occupation, calculated to set me asleep, like counting, or—’”

Lockwood is a well-drawn character and his mental processes are very well-described in this chapter. I love how he tries to save face here, it is really relatable.

“‘What can you mean by talking in this way to me!’ thundered Heathcliff with savage vehemence. ‘How—how dare you, under my roof?—God! he’s mad to speak so!’ And he struck his forehead with rage.”

Heathcliff is offended by the slander against Catherine or maybe he just can’t bear her being mentioned in any way.

“Not liking to show him that I had heard the conflict, I continued my toilette rather noisily, looked at my watch, and soliloquised on the length of the night: ‘Not three o’clock yet! I could have taken oath it had been six. Time stagnates here: we must surely have retired to rest at eight!’

‘Always at nine in winter, and rise at four,’ said my host”

Yet more discourse about when to go to bed. Yet another difference between Lockwood’s habits and the habits of the locals.

“‘Always at nine in winter, and rise at four,’ said my host, suppressing a groan: and, as I fancied, by the motion of his arm’s shadow, dashing a tear from his eyes. ‘Mr. Lockwood,’ he added, ‘you may go into my room: you’ll only be in the way, coming downstairs so early: and your childish outcry has sent sleep to the devil for me.’”

Regardless of what the reader thinks about Heathcliff in general, this is a very poignant scene.

Heathcliff is weirdly helpful to Lockwood in this chapter. And it isn’t just because of the ghost thing either, he tells him to spend the rest of the night in this room even before hearing about the ghost. Heathcliff isn’t unnecessarily horrible to people who are unrelated to his revenge and he doesn’t actively dislike Lockwood.

“A sensible man ought to find sufficient company in himself.’

‘Delightful company!’ muttered Heathcliff. ‘Take the candle, and go where you please. I shall join you directly. Keep out of the yard, though, the dogs are unchained; and the house—Juno mounts sentinel there, and—nay, you can only ramble about the steps and passages. But, away with you! I’ll come in two minutes!’”

I find Heathcliff ironically calling the company of oneself “delightful company” interesting. It might point to his growing unsatisfaction with solitude or the fact that he is never truly alone because of Catherine’s spirit.

I like to think that he is subtly making fun of Lockwood’s encounters with the dogs here. He might be nicer and more sentimental than usual in this scene but he won’t just pass up the chance to make fun of someone.

“I obeyed, so far as to quit the chamber; when, ignorant where the narrow lobbies led, I stood still, and was witness, involuntarily, to a piece of superstition on the part of my landlord which belied, oddly, his apparent sense. He got on to the bed, and wrenched open the lattice, bursting, as he pulled at it, into an uncontrollable passion of tears. ‘Come in! come in!’ he sobbed. ‘Cathy, do come. Oh, do—once more! Oh! my heart’s darling! hear me this time, Catherine, at last!’ The spectre showed a spectre’s ordinary caprice: it gave no sign of being; but the snow and wind whirled wildly through, even reaching my station, and blowing out the light.”

Lockwood is surprised by Heathcliff’s superstition which belies his apparent sense. Heathcliff isn’t visibly “mad”. He is rude and asocial but normal at the first glance and can function normally. He has a very specific obsession with a very specific thing.

This scene is our first introduction to Heathcliff as a romantic figure and I have to admit that I find this scene to be one of the rare truly romantic moments in the book. I really like the saying “my heart’s darling”.

“There was such anguish in the gush of grief that accompanied this raving, that my compassion made me overlook its folly, and I drew off, half angry to have listened at all, and vexed at having related my ridiculous nightmare, since it produced that agony; though why was beyond my comprehension.”

A rare instance of Lockwood being truly empathetic and not making a show of it.

***

The three paragraphs following this are really good slice of life depicting all the characters at the Heights slowly waking up and resuming their occupations. I am not quoting them since I don’t have much to say on them, but I really like the movements of everyone and the general activity in the farm house.

It also makes one realize how irrelevant a character Lockwood really is. We assume he is more relevant to the story and the characters than he actually is because he is the one telling the story. He is probably relevant to Heathcliff and Zillah because of the ghost incident and he is obviously the friend of Nelly, but he is nothing to Joseph, Hareton or Cathy. He is a curiosity as a rare visitor, but he isn’t actually relevant to their lives or their stories in any way.

“He stood by the fire, his back towards me, just finishing a stormy scene with poor Zillah; who ever and anon interrupted her labour to pluck up the corner of her apron, and heave an indignant groan.”

I do kind of pity Zillah here. She is trying to do her job and being scolded at the same time. I think she either left or was fired because of this.

“And you, you worthless—’ he broke out as I entered, turning to his daughter-in-law, and employing an epithet as harmless as duck, or sheep, but generally represented by a dash. ‘There you are, at your idle tricks again! The rest of them do earn their bread—you live on my charity! Put your trash away, and find something to do. You shall pay me for the plague of having you eternally in my sight—do you hear, damnable jade?’”

I think “bitch” is the word being censored here. Ironically, as one of the book’s first reviewers remarked, this actually ends up bringing more attention to the word. Heathcliff expects everyone in the household to work, male or female, but it is important that he uses not one but two sexist insults against Cathy here, “jade” is a word meaning “bad-tempered woman”.

“‘I’ll put my trash away, because you can make me if I refuse,’ answered the young lady, closing her book, and throwing it on a chair. ‘But I’ll not do anything, though you should swear your tongue out, except what I please!’”

I love Cathy.

“Heathcliff lifted his hand, and the speaker sprang to a safer distance, obviously acquainted with its weight. Having no desire to be entertained by a cat-and-dog combat, I stepped forward briskly, as if eager to partake the warmth of the hearth, and innocent of any knowledge of the interrupted dispute. Each had enough decorum to suspend further hostilities: Heathcliff placed his fists, out of temptation, in his pockets; Mrs. Heathcliff curled her lip, and walked to a seat far off, where she kept her word by playing the part of a statue during the remainder of my stay.”

It is interesting that Heathcliff cares about decorum? I am guessing that he doesn’t want to lose a tenant by beating up a young woman in front of him.

“My landlord halloed for me to stop ere I reached the bottom of the garden, and offered to accompany me across the moor.”

Heathcliff being helpful.

“It was well he did, for the whole hill-back was one billowy, white ocean; the swells and falls not indicating corresponding rises and depressions in the ground: many pits, at least, were filled to a level; and entire ranges of mounds, the refuse of the quarries, blotted from the chart which my yesterday’s walk left pictured in my mind. I had remarked on one side of the road, at intervals of six or seven yards, a line of upright stones, continued through the whole length of the barren: these were erected and daubed with lime on purpose to serve as guides in the dark, and also when a fall, like the present, confounded the deep swamps on either hand with the firmer path: but, excepting a dirty dot pointing up here and there, all traces of their existence had vanished: and my companion found it necessary to warn me frequently to steer to the right or left, when I imagined I was following, correctly, the windings of the road.”

Nice description of the road. Sometimes you should just stop and appreciate it.

Some critical essays point to this loss of signs as a mirror of how Wuthering Heights itself doesn’t provide an interpretive framework for the reader. It certainly gives the feeling of uncertainty and being lost in the narrative.

“The distance from the gate to the grange is two miles; I believe I managed to make it four, what with losing myself among the trees, and sinking up to the neck in snow: a predicament which only those who have experienced it can appreciate. At any rate, whatever were my wanderings, the clock chimed twelve as I entered the house; and that gave exactly an hour for every mile of the usual way from Wuthering Heights.”

I know that Lockwood is “ridiculous” but I really relate to him here.

“My human fixture and her satellites rushed to welcome me; exclaiming, tumultuously, they had completely given me up: everybody conjectured that I perished last night; and they were wondering how they must set about the search for my remains. I bid them be quiet, now that they saw me returned, and, benumbed to my very heart, I dragged upstairs; whence, after putting on dry clothes, and pacing to and fro thirty or forty minutes, to restore the animal heat, I adjourned to my study, feeble as a kitten: almost too much so to enjoy the cheerful fire and smoking coffee which the servant had prepared for my refreshment.”

“My human fixture and her satellites” is very telling of how Lockwood perceives servants.

This is foreshadowing of how relatively normal death is in this place.

It is funny that two chapters in a row end with a drink being given to Lockwood as refreshment.

@dahlia-coccinea

#wuthering heights #wh reread #wh reread 2021 #chapter 3

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mugionthewater · 3 years

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Tsumugi Shirogane Deepdive: Prologue

I’m in a DR mood right now, and really enjoying revisiting Tsumugi in particular, so I thought I’d do a chapter-based retrospective focusing on all the cool Tsumugi material! A reread project especially rewarding for a character like Mugi, so I’m really excited.

In this series, I’m focusing a lot on all the foreshadowing, and also what we can extrapolate about Tsumugi’s true character along the way. I’ll be doing this chapter-by chapter, including the prologue as well as an installment for her Free Time Events.

Full spoilers for V3 under the cut.

The Pre-Prologue

We first see Tsumugi in the gym by the exisals to get their uniforms and their memories. Tsumugi herself has four lines of dialogue in this scene, nothing that particularly stands out, but there are a couple of things worth noting about how she (and everyone else) is dressed.

Kaede describes how she was kidnapped on her way to school, and it sure looks like that’s the case for almost everyone in the room. We’re used to seeing DR characters in flashy outfits that vaguely resemble school uniforms but actually reflect their individuality, so when the game first shows them in an ensemble lineup like this, it’s a lot more striking.

Not so much in this CG. While there are plenty of visual details that tell us about these characters (Saihara’s already hiding under a hat in his sprites; Iruma is revealing; Kiibo and Gonta are buttoned up and orderly, but Kaito’s shirt and jacket are undone to show a bold-colored undershirt), their uniforms look like they’re doing what uniforms are supposed to do: be bland and blend in.

What about Tsumugi? Tsumugi wears a basic uniform like everyone else, but this is where we get the game’s first indication that all is not what it seems with this girl. The clue is the blue. She is the only one in the lineup whose primary color isn’t a neutral tone. What’s more, it’s the same shade of blue Tsumugi is associated with throughout the game. Visually, part of her is already in character as Tsumugi Shirogane, SHSL Cosplayer.

Of course, there’s a much bigger item foreshadowing Tsumugi as the bad guy, which is that in advance of everyone getting their “memories”, the main emphasis is their new clothes delivered by the Monokubs.

There are a couple of reasons the clothes are significant. For starters, there’s a direct line to Tsumugi’s cosplay talent. For anyone inclined to suspect her before starting the game on account of her talent (and her general don’t-look-at-me-I’m-not-suspicious vibes), this is immediate theory fodder. This also primes the audience to look at the setting of V3 with a critical eye, between the contrast of the kids’ boring outfits and their flashy new ones and the Monokubs making explicit references to starting the “story“, there is an immediate suggestion of artifice that runs all the way down to their identities. Not for nothing is Kaede’s magical girl transformation visually similar to the memory light.

Another thing: pre-memory light, the person in the room whose outfit is the least uniform-y is Amami.

At the very least, it’s a look that’s noticeably more casual than what most of the cast is wearing. After Chapter 6, we know that Amami made it to the end of the 52nd Killing Game before he and Tsumugi were condemned to execution via participating in the next killing game- which he seems to be realizing in this scene- so it’s possible they’re coming right off the heels of the last killing game. It’s an ongoing mystery what his relationship with her was like up to this point? Does he know she’s the ringleader? Is “Tsumugi Shirogane“ anything like the person she was in the last killing game, assuming she was even there?

I’m not confident Tsumugi really switched to a new persona for the 53rd Killing Game, even though fake identities is kind of her whole deal. I’ll get more into why in this series, but I think a lot of the character we see in the game is the “real“ Tsumugi, to the extent that such a person even exists.

Introducing Tsumugi Shirogane: Professional Cosplayer, Sex God

If you go back and read the promotional blurbs for V3, Tsumugi’s mention her tendency to get so lost in thought that she’ll ignore everyone around her. This little trait isn’t super weird at first, until you realize later in the game that she doesn’t carry the shtick past the first chapter. It’s like she wrote the character blurbs herself, realized everybody has a wacky “thing“ that would come up immediately in the introductions, and came up with an act of low-grade wackiness so she’d fit in in the prologue.

This is great stuff, looking back. It gives an intro in brief to the many contradictions of Tsumugi Shirogane. On one hand, it’s overly phony and performative. But on the other hand, there’s a core of truth there about her character- she really is someone who stays in her thoughts without a care for anyone around her, albeit less in the cute way and more in the horrifying sociopath kind of way.

It also tells us something important about Tsumugi’s commitment to the Killing Game. She cares about maintaining the integrity of this world and its characters, but is pretty indifferent about maintaining a role for herself. She doesn’t give a shit about having a storyline or even much of a character. The pleasure of DR comes from what she can get as an observer/consumer.

This is entirely consistent with what she tells Kaede and Saihara about herself and her feelings about cosplay in the actual introduction.

This is the ethos that makes me wonder how dishonest Tsumugi really is. She’s dishonest as hell, of course, but given that she later applies the entire DR LARP reality show experience as “cosplay“, what she says about her convictions largely rings true. She clearly cares about making her tribute an authentic one (lol), which extends to her being the primary creative director inside her fiction bubble.

It partly explains why she spends the next five chapters being little more than furniture. In her mind, her job as a producer precludes her from being a character in her own right, because doing anything to pull focus is tantamount to self-promotion, and, well, that’s an abuse of power that gets in the way of the story!

(sidebar: there are some fascinating things we could speculate about what she says about cosplay relates to her relationship with the rest of Team Danganronpa and the outside world, but this post is getting long, so I’ll save it for another day)

Like everything else about Tsumugi, it’s not until the end that you can fully contextualize how sinister she’s being here. What she passes off as a cute passion for cosplay is actually a bone-deep sense of consumer entitlement taken to a logical extreme. Tsumugi is a more vicious indictment of terrible nerds and a selfish fandom than anything Hifumi Yamada could embody. She loves DR so much, and feels so strongly that nobody should be participating in DR with any corrupt motives, that anything less than the real deal is unacceptable. To this end, she will happily transplant entirely new emotional realities on the others so that even the emotional torture of the Killing Game is authentic. In Tsumugi’s selfish nerd brain, this is the important part of the drama of Killing Games, and anyone who disagrees with her approach is a fake fan who doesn’t deserve any kind of creative control.

Anyways, there’s more to say about Tsumugi’s introduction, so moving on

Some pretty overt foreshadowing here. In the Japanese script, her reference is ep. 53 of Kiteretsu Daihyakka instead of Doraemon. I like the change for the dub, even though it’s pretty obvious. Someone who knows DR primarily through the dub is less likely to know about the franchise’s connection to Doraemon, anyway.

Tsumugi also points out the weird dragon statue in the hallway that will lead into a new part of the school down the line. It’s a neat little metatextual trick on the audience, because it’s the kind of thing that’s not suspicious at all on a first playthrough. She’s an NPC in a DR game, of course her dialogue is gonna point out plot devices that will be relevant shortly, but on a reread you know she’s being deliberate about it. This is far from the last time this kind of thing happens with Tsumugi.

Lastly, this charming observation from Kaede about why she’s maybe not so plain afterall.

Kaede puts it in the worst way possible, but it’s interesting that she, a person with a generally good read on people, decides immediately that there’s more to Mugi than meets the eye. Not only that, she relates it specifically to an audience spending a lot of time looking at her. If she were any less gross about it, Kaede making this kind of observation would land like a big clue.

This leaves us with the biggest question from the prologue: if Kaede wasn’t too busy being horny and gay, could she have put two and two together and thwarted the ringleader?

There is SO much more to say about Tsumugi, so I’m really excited to dig deep into other chapters!

#tsumugi shirogane #ndrv3 #meta

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generouspeachheart · 3 years

Text

I find it hard to find someone like you

So, I wrote something... I was reading a Spencer Reid x reader fanfic, listening to Doja Cat and this popped into my head. This is my first fanfic, so please be nice. This is supposed to be an introduction aka Chapter 1 of a story i want to write. Enjoy, i guess! If anyone has any feedback, feel free to message me!

Summary: Spencer and Y/N are both pinning after eachother. Spencer is ready to confess his love, Y/N is too. What they don’t suspect though, is Y/N’s dark past to creep up on her.

Spencer Reid x fem!bau!reader

Warnings: Swearing, Pinning. If i missed any, let me know!

Words:1,971

When Hotch announced to the team that the case is officially closed and we were free to go, you were exited to say the least. You hadn’t been feeling your best for the past couple of days. You had a huge fight with your mom and have been trying to get over The Crush. This crush you have on Dr. Reid isn’t the smartest thing, but you can’t help it. Every time he stars talking about something ultra -interesting regarding the case you’re currently working on, he apologises for his ramblings and doesn’t finish what he started. And every time you say Go on I wanna hear what you have to say, he would flush his cute little cheeks and stutter through the rest of the ramble. He sometimes brings you coffee in the morning and when you’re flying on the jet for a case, he always starts up a conversation about some classic he noticed you were reading or knows you had read. He was just the sweetest little thing and you couldn’t help falling for him. But, as you had been a rather new addition to the team, you thought that this was just simply how he was. Until you talked to Garcia.

“He totally likes you!” she screamed in your face one night after a particularly bad case. You sometimes invite her over just to help you sleep better or to just gossip over wine; take your mind off the case. “He’s like that with everyone…” “Y/N.. you don’t actually believe that?” You look down at the floor. “Oh, you sweet little thing. He is definitely not like that with everyone.” “Okay, I’ll humor that. But still, we have a super nice friendship and I don’t want to ruin that. What if he doesn’t like me as much as I like him and just considers me a close friend?” ”Y/N…” ”Could you please drop it Pen, I don’t wanna talk about this right now.” “Sure thing, Boss Lady.”

“Alright, who’s up for a drink?” Derek asks as he turns to the team, pointing fingers at all of us. Emily nods. “Boss Lady?” he asks you. ”I think I’ll have to pass.” “No, but you’re so fun!” cries Emily. “Sorry guys, I can’t I have…” “A date?” Derek asks. “Yep” I say smugly. you notice out of the corner of your eyes, Spencer quickly packing up his stuff to avoid looking at you. “If you can call a bottle of wine and an easel a date.” Spencer raises his head at that. “That’s too bad, Pretty Lady.” “See ya tomorrow, beefcake!” You stand up to leave and wave to all the others as you get to the elevator. “Goodbye everyone.” The others murmur a goodbye to you as well. As the elevator door close, you hear a voice call out. “Hold the door!”. You’d recognize that voice everywhere. It’s the voice you dream of after all. You hold the door and Spencer goes to stand next to you. “Thank you Y/N.” “You’re welcome Spencer-nova.” He looks down at the floor, smiling. He’s quite fond of the nickname you gave him. “So, got any plans for the rest of the evening?” I ask, striking up a conversation just to hear his voice. “Well, I was planning to do some more research on The Cross-Cultural Perspective but after this case I think I’m just going to reread ‘Great Expectations’.” You smile at that. “You know, I did a thesis on that.” “The Great Expectations?” That gets a laugh out of you, which makes Spencer’s soft lips turn into a big grin. “No, on the Cross-Cultural Perspective.” “Oh, I didn’t know that”. He looks surprised. Almost too surprised.

Of course Spencer knew you did a thesis on that. He read it. Seven times. When he heard you were coming to work for the BAU, he went through all of your academic achievements. He just wanted to strike up a conversation about something you are interested in, because usually you talk about his interests. “Yeah, back in college.” “Maybe I should read those then”. “Maybe I should read them to you some time”. Spencer breath hitches. He wasn’t expecting you to propose such a thing. He was delighted by the idea, but his brain couldn’t really catch up with his mouth. “Um…do you…I mean you could…I would… l-like that, I would like that very much.” The tips of his ears turn pink. Bingo. You have successfully flirted with Spencer. Go you! This wasn’t the first time you flirted with Spencer. You have tried many times but to no avail. Even if he would get flustered, he thought you were simply joking, and that that was just how you treated everyone in the team. I mean, you call Derek beefcake, so he just assumed you were joking. Besides, why would someone as smart, gorgeous and extroverted as you want to flirt with someone like Spencer? That just didn’t make sense. But you had been acting strange for the past couple of weeks, following, what he assumed to be, some sort of a fight. He didn’t know whether this fight was with a friend or with a family member, but your eyes just seemed sad. You would zone out sometimes and Spencer got worried. So it was nice to know the jokes were back. Even if your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes.

As the elevator doors to the garage open up, you turned to Spencer. “We’ll see what we can do about the reading, Dr. Reid. Until then, have a good night!” you say, turning around to get to your car. “Good night to you too, Y/N!”

______________________________________________________

A couple of hours and glasses of wine later, you stood in your living room, ‘Streets’ by Doja Cat blasting from the speaker, and a brush in your hand, you heard a slight noise from the bedroom. Paying it no mind, you went to the kitchen to get a bottle opener, coming back to you living room to finish mixing the paint. You empty the bottle of Rose, and start mixing the colors together. Grabbing the now finished glass bottle, you throw it in the air so when it lands back in your hand you’re holding the neck of the bottle. You turn around quickly, the bottom of the bottle colliding with the head of a bulky man, dressed in all black, who had broken into your apartment through the bedroom window. Amongst many things that made you spectacular, was the way you pay attention to your surroundings. You were able to point out even the slightest of changes in the air. “Who the hell are you, and why are you here?” you demand, taking out the handcuffs you took from the drawer in the kitchen and putting in on mans wrists. He didn’t provide an answer. Then you heard a knock at the door. Bending down and taking the gun you keep under your coffee table, you get to the front door. Opening the door, with your hand on the trigger, you see Spencer. He sees the gun before he sees you and puts his hands in the air. “Spencer-nova? What are you doing here?” You ask, opening the door wider, signaling for him to come in. “What’s going on Y/N? Are you okay?” not answering your question. “I’m fine, someone tried breaking into my apartment.”

________________________________________________________

Some time later, the suspect sat in the interrogation room, handcuffed to the chair he was sitting on. “I’m only going to ask you this once, fucker” You say, opening the door to the interrogation room, slamming your hands on the table. “Who do you work for?” “Why do you think I work for anybody?” “Oh, so the little piggy talks, huh? That’s a relief.” “I don’t work for anybody, I just broke in to steal your stuff. I wasn’t expecting you to be fucking James Bond.” “So, you’re telling me you just happened to come across my apartment, and decited to break in?” “Exactly!”

“He’s telling the truth.” Hotch concludes as you exit the room. “Are you sure? Because it doesn’t seem random to me.” “As far as I can tell, he was there to steal something from you.” That doesn’t make sense. Why would he break into my apartment just to steal something? He could’ve waited while I’m not home to do that. I work 15 hours a day, that would definitely be more sufficient. “Were going to arrest him for attempted robbery but that’s about all we can do for now. If you have anything else, run it by me.” “You got it, Boss”

“Hey Y/N, you got anything?” Spencer asks, seeing me ending the conversation with Hotch. “Nothing, no. But it still seems weird.” Spencer takes a look at you as you go to the elevators. Hotch requested you go home and deal with this tomorrow. And since Spencer lives somewhat close, he was instructed to stay with you tonight, seeing as he’s also the one who drove you to the station.

Spencer just now noticed how good you looked tonight. Your hair was in a messy bun, you wore a simple black T-shirt with a name of, what seems to be, a rock band on the front. You had on a long, flowy black skirt and an oversized silky white shirt. You looked absolutely stunning.

With the adrenaline wearing down and the alcohol you consumed coming back to you, you felt really tired. The drive to your apartment complex was mostly quiet, excluding the radio which was playing a familiar song softly. “Look, you don’t have to stay tonight. You live a block away anyway, ill just call you if I need anything.” You couldn’t bear Spencer being so close to you tonight. But he wanted nothing more. He didn’t want to leave you alone, especially not after what happened tonight. He was worried. He wanted to protect you. He opened his mouth to disagree but as he saw the way your eyes were closing and he couldn’t help but shut it. Tonight wasn’t the night then. He wanted to check up on you after you were acting weird the whole week. Surely you would call him if you need him. You’re a grown woman, you can take care of yourself. “Let me at least walk you to your door. Check if there’s anyone else there?” “Fine, Spence, you can walk me to my door.” As much as you didn’t want him there, your heart couldn’t help but flutter at the proposal. That man would be the death of you.

“There, no ones here. You can go now.” You felt bad for making him go home after he was instructed to stay, but you just couldn’t. Sleeping in the same apartment just knowing there is a slight possibility you could be sleeping next to him, cuddled up in his arms, could kill you. Exiting the door to your apartment, Spencer turns to look at you. He extends his pinky finger towards you. “Promise me you’ll call if you feel unsafe?” You hook you pinky with his. “I promise, Spence.” Even the slight contact with your skin makes Spencers heart flutter. He unhooks his finger and starts to walk away, towards the exit. “Hey.” The softness in your voice makes him halt. Turning around he sees you, slight smile on your lips and your hands behind your back. “Thank you, Spence. Thank you for…you know…caring about me.” “Of course, Y/N. And don’t worry about it. I’m here.” As you wave goodbye, the small smile on your face pulls at Spencers heartstrings. He wishes he said what he came over to say to you.

As you close the door, you walk up to your coffee table, opening the bottle of wine, you sit on the floor, your back to the sofa. Why couldn’t you say what you really want to say?

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #fanfic #fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

Text

Christmas Specials: Fishcake

CW: Some hint of dehumanization and references to Bahram’s depression/past breakdown at the end, some brief emeto references, but really this is just fluff. Oh, also brief unintentional ableism that Miah calls out.

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BAHRAM’S NOTES

December 24th, 20XX 11:15 pm Mer in Residence: 71 Days

Miah showed up tonight with a Christmas present for me, and now I feel like a giant dick for not having anything to give her.

Christmas just isn’t a thing in my family. I mean, I have cousins who go overboard with it, kind of a fitting in thing, but my family never did. Baba does some kind of fast, but for Maman it’s just another day and for me it’s always meant mostly a day where I played video games all day because I didn’t have to be at school or work.

Oh, I need to call Baba and Maman tomorrow, note to self. She always gets worried about me right around the end of the year, what with how they figured out I was quitting school and everything.

I guess getting a phone call from a hospital leaves a bloody impression.

Anyway, Miah comes in with this big shopping bag in her hand, waving at me all bright and sunny and cheerful. She set the bag down long enough to berate me for - she assumed - having not taken my medicine on time.

For the record, she was right, but I didn’t tell her that.

Nearly drowning in saltwater made my lungs apparently terribly angry with me, so for the next eight days I’m on a run of antibiotics to handle a lovely case of bacterial pneumonia. Would’ve been far handier to get pneumonia right away, but instead I ended up in Urgent Care yesterday, paying 200 dollars and waiting two hours to see a doctor for less than ten minutes.

Dr. L says she’ll reimburse me the cost, but still.

Miah asked me how I was feeling, I said I felt fine, really, and then of course I had an awful coughing fit just to prove myself a wonderful liar. The coughing’s the worst part - every time I really get going, it’s like being underwater all over again. I can feel my lungs fighting to inflate, to take the air in, and I can hear how hard I’m working to get enough air to stop coughing at all. Miah can’t hear it, but she can see it all right, and she looked worried.

I signed, “I’m fine, it’ll stop, the doctor says it will,” and she frowned at me, but let it go, I guess. While she had her face turned away to greet the mer, I opened the pill bottle and dry-swallowed the meds really fast. Sometimes there are benefits to Miah not being able to hear things.

The mer - Kima, I can call him by his name in these notes, the ones only I see - was already at the side of the tank, watching us. He’s perked up a bit lately, since I started giving him live fish on the days Dr. L isn’t around and Miah brought him all these enrichment things. We’re doing what we can, but I know it’s still not enough.

Enough would be figuring out where his bloody family is and getting him back to them, but I just… I can’t even begin to explain, even to myself, the logistical nightmare of hauling a six-foot-long mer back to the ocean and finding someone who would take him back up north where his family likely is in the middle of bloody fucking December.

It’s the right thing to do, yeah.

But it’d just be too hard to pull off, not without losing… my whole taped-together life, yeah? Plus I’m still dealing with trying to figure out who exactly is my real employer at this point - who’s paying Dr. L - and what they want from the mer’s… thing he can do.

Miah glanced over at him and signed, “Don’t worry, I have something for you, too,” and Kima just looked back at her, head cocked to the side. She looked over at me and signed, “It’s a fish-cake.”

I have to admit, it took me a second to even begin to respond. My hands just… hung in mid-air, before finally I asked, “A what?”

“A fishcake. It’s like a fruitcake, but so much worse.” She leaned down to dig around in the big bag and pulled out a box, pausing to add, “I had to wrap it and box it or the car would have smelled horrible for days,” before she picked up and laid the box on my desk, opened it, took out something wrapped in layers of plastic, and unwrapped that, painstakingly slowly.

I glanced over at the mer, who watched with total fascination. Maybe he’d caught the sign for fish, he’s incredibly food-motivated. Which makes sense, of course, probably with his pod he’d spend a lot of his day eating and hunting for more, but

Bahram. Focus.

She was right - as soon as the plastic came off, I could smell it.

“How can you handle that? Isn’t your sense of smell… really good?” Ah, yes, I am always so proud of myself when I forget a sign for a word I want to say and have to sort of cobble together the spirit of it with other signs.

She looked at me with this sort of dry are you kidding me expression, then signed, “I’m deaf, B, not a superhero,” in a way that made me feel about ten inches tall.

“Sorry. That’s an awful smell, though.”

And it was. I like fish as much as the next man, but this was foul. She grinned at me and picked up the tupperware the fishcake was in using towels to protect her hands from picking the smell up too, I guess, and went over to the ladder up to the platform. Her back was already to me, so I couldn’t ask her the question I had, or tell her not to do that one-handed. Instead, I just sort of… got up and hovered uselessly while she climbed up without looking back, and then followed her up there.

The platform makes me… nervous, now. I stay closer to the ladder, farther from the water. I hope the mer, that Kima doesn’t think I don’t want to be close to him or something.

Miah took the lid off the tupperware and waited. Soon enough the mer popped up near us, interested in what we were doing on the platform.

I watched those nasal slits open wide when he smelled the fish. And I watched how his eyes went big and shiny with excitement. Whatever Miah had put in the foul thing, he wanted it.

She dumped it into the water - I didn’t see much, other than a sort of loaf-shape and a sense of texture I never want to think about again - and Kima tore into it. It was the grossest thing I’ve ever seen, and I have actually watched Kima eat raw fish that was living seconds before. I had to look away - and so did Miah, but she was laughing. She can’t hear herself, only feel the vibration in her own throat. Her laughs kind of sound almost honking, choked-off, just totally un-self-conscious noises she’s barely aware of.

I should tell her that I like the way she laughs.

Oh, I absolutely should not do that.

Maybe I should, though.

She grinned at me, still laughing, and signed, “This is disgusting!”

“It is,” I signed back, “And it’s your fault, don’t forget that!”

She was still laughing when Kima looked back up at us, fish bits smeared around his mouth, and she signed, “Merry Christmas, K-I-M-A,” to him. He stared back, signed yes, and then dove back under the water, present utterly devoured, leaving only gross little particles I will probably have to hose off the sides of the tank on cleaning day when the filters can’t quite pick them up.

Miah looked at me, and I just thought, you know, she’s really pretty even under the sun lamps, and nobody is pretty in that light. Then she signed, after this moment of stillness, “I bought you a present, too.”

“Me?” I pointed back at myself, blinking, surprised. “I don’t do Christmas, M, I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “I know. But I still bought a present. Can I show you?”

“Um, sure.” I get nauseous when I’m nervous. For a second, climbing back down the ladder, I thought I’d just get sick all over myself. I was badly designed, my defense mechanism is just to vomit on myself to scare predators away, clearly my body thinks pretty women are dangerous and I have to embarrass myself until they stop looking at me.

Finally, though, we were back at my desk. The smell… lingered. I’ve since burned the candle Miah got me, and the sulfur from the matches and the scent of the candle itself have largely done away with it, but when we got back, it was still powerful.

She didn’t pull anything out of the bag, instead she just took a small card out of her back pocket and handed it to me.

I looked down at it. “Alborz?” I realized I’d spoken out loud, looking down, and looked back up quickly so I could repeat it in sign, so she could see. “A-L-B-O-R-Z? A gift card to a restaurant?”

She nodded, quickly, signing so fast I was having trouble keeping up. I guess… was she nervous, too? “It’s food like you grew up with, yes?”

“Yeah, more or less. I mean nothing is better than my mother’s food. But why-”

She reached out and grabbed my arm with one hand to stop me, leaned in so close that the smell of this super subtle perfume she wears was stronger, for a second, than the smell of fish. “B,” She signed, with heavy, slow emphasis, “Think about why I bought you this.”

I just looked at her. I didn’t get it at all, and told her so.

I’m so bloody dense.

She sighed, throwing her hands up in the air with an eye-roll and a smile, and then signed, “When are you taking me there?”

She had to repeat the signs three times before I realized she was asking me on a date.

So anyway, I don’t think I’ll sleep a wink tonight, and also I think I celebrate Christmas now.

Date-mas.

That was an awful joke. I’m leaving it there just to properly shame myself if I ever reread this.

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@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @slaintetowhump @moose-teeth @misspelledwitch @whumpfigure @whumptywhumpdump @boxboysandotherwhump @whumpywhumpwhump @yet-another-heathen @fanmanga1357-blog @justabitofwhump

#mer whump #christmas specials #signs of the sea #depression tw #breakdown mention tw #emeto references #mer whumpee #fluff #angst and fluff #all comfort no hurt #referenced drowning #bahram anvari #miah kirsse

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lizziestudieshistory · 3 years

Text

Books of 2021 - Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson

It’s probably time to admit what is probably my most unpopular opinion about the Cosmere: I hate Words of Radiance. It’s the book I have to slog my way through to get to Oathbringer. Part of my dislike is heavily linked to my disillusionment about Shallan… However, I do think the big moments in this book – most notably the duel scene and final battle – cloud people to the genuine faults in it. It is a technical step up from The Way of Kings, but there are huge parts of this book that are unnecessarily slow to read and there is a huge thematic drop that starts in this book that I cannot forgive Sanderson for. I also dislike a lot of the individual plotlines, major characters are barely in this book, and a lot of the big reveals/developments feel unearned because they had to happen in this book so we could get on with the more important conflicts in the rest of the series.

This review has spoilers for The Stormlight Archive, you have been warned.

Structure and Plot

I don’t want to touch on the structure too much because a lot of my niggles for The Way of Kings continue into Words of Radiance. All of these books have too much fat around them – the interludes continue to feel irrelevant; the main bulk of the book is drawn out slightly too much; and the flashbacks are merely okay, they haven’t reached the level of Oathbringers’ flashback sequence yet. However, Sanderson does make some serious improvements in this book.

Shallan, our focus character, does have a much more interesting backstory and the flashbacks have slightly more bearing on the present-day plotline. However, for me, they lose interest on subsequent rereads and there are slightly too many of them that don’t add any new information once we’re aware of how terrible her family life is. They are an improvement on Kaladin’s, and I like them a lot more, however, considering how much we STILL don’t know about Shallan (as of Rhythm of War) Sanderson could have utilised them better in this book. Saying this, I do remember really liking the flashbacks on my first read, so I really do think my current negativity is a product of having read this book one too many times? I’m going to hold off on Sanderson for a couple of years after this reread so (if I remember) I’ll come back and reevaluate how I feel about Shallan’s flashbacks with a fresher eye.

Sanderson also gets us into this book a lot quicker than he did in The Way of Kings. Jasnah’s prologue is one of my favourites in the series so far, and part one does hit the ground running. It sucks the reader back into the world, refamiliarised with the essentials of the story, as well as introducing the next leg of the plot. It’s a fabulous introduction and it’s one of the strongest first parts in the series as a whole.

Unfortunately, the pacing doesn’t reflect this strong introduction – once Shallan loses Jasnah’s guidance, and Kaladin is established as Dalinar’s guard the book dramatically slows down. Kaladin’s chapters, while slow, have some differentiation to break them up with Bridge Four learning how to be guards. Shallan’s turns into an interminable slog across the countryside. One of the things I loathe in fantasy are the long journeys with nothing going on – sometimes they can be done beautifully. For example, I love Sam and Frodo’s section in The Two Towers, but Shallan’s is just painful. Sam and Frodo’s journey is so fascinating because of the internal struggle they are going through (together and separately), it’s atmospheric and powerful because of its character work. Yes they are trying to get to Mordor, but the goal isn’t what matters here – it’s whether Sam and Frodo can survive the journey, and what state they will be in when they get there.

Shallan’s journey is clearly a way to get her to the Shattered Plains in the right circumstances and it shows. We’re journeying from A to B, with a few obstacles thrown in. There is some development from Shallan as she learns the basics to being a conwoman from Tyn. However, again this is something thrown in to keep Shallan’s point of view interesting while she’s riding through the countryside. It’s not vital character growth that can only be done at this point in the journey. If we’re going to slog it through the wilderness there needs to be a point to it that can only be learnt from showing such a long journey – otherwise cut down Shallan’s chapters in this section and only show the necessary highlights, while hinting at the longer journey through her internal reflections.

I’m also just going to throw out that I was bored in part three – the end of this part is phenomenal, and contains the famous duel scene with Adolin and Kaladin, which is one of the highlights of the whole series. However, the build up to this scene is repetitive and a bit dull in places? It’s possibly because I’m not a huge fan of Shallan and Kaladins’ arcs in this book. I’ve never liked the Ghostbloods plotline (and it’s only gotten worse with the Thaidakar reveal in Rhythm of War), Shallan’s romance with Adolin is slightly cringey, and I’m going to have a rant about the Kaladin/Moash conflict when I get to writing about Kaladin’s character. The main plotlines in this book are a bit…painful? They scream filler for a lot of part three – I don’t necessarily mind it; I actually like the conflict between Adolin and Kaladin because it does make sense for both characters. It doesn’t do much except build a camaraderie between them and develop their characters, but there are a few too many scenes of it, along with the painful romance scenes. Sorry, romance isn’t Sanderson’s strong point…

Prose

Still painful, still don’t love it. I do think there is a slight improvement between The Way of Kings and Words of Radiance because there aren’t any egregious moments that stand out to me in this book. Some moments, such as Kaladin’s first flight through the chasms and then when he’s flying with Syl over the Shattered Plains, even stand out as highlights for Sanderson’s writing – I really feel Kaladin’s joy and sense of freedom. There are some lovely moments in this book, and it does mark an improvement in Sanderson’s writing style! However, I’m still not a fan of Sanderson’s prose as a whole, it still feels clunky in places, and I’d prefer it to be a little bit more refined. This is very much a personal preference complaint though, as I stressed in my The Way of Kings review.

Magic System

I should probably discuss Sanderson’s magic system in the Stormlight Archive at this point, especially as it’s becoming more and more relevant as we continue into the series.

So, for those of you who are reading this without having read the book (why?!), Stormlight is dominated by a hard magic system called Surgebinding. Human Surgebinders (I’ll probably discuss the Singer’s surgebinding abilities in a later review) are members of one of the ten orders of the Knight’s Radiant: Windrunners, Skybreakers, Dustbringers, Edgedancers, Truthwatchers, Lightweavers, Elsecallers, Willshapers, Stonewards, and Bondsmiths. Each order possess the ability to manipulate two of the ten surges using Stormlight to power their abilities:

Windrunners: adhesion and gravitation

Skybreakers: gravitation and division

Dustbringers: division and abrasion

Edgedancers: abrasion and progression

Truthwatchers: progression and illumination

Lightweavers: illimitation and transformation

Elsecallers: transformation and transportation

Willshapers: transportation and cohesion

Stonewards: cohesion and tension

Bondsmiths: tension and adhesion

They also gain magical armour and weapons known as Shardplate and Shardblades, although when each order gets their plate and plate depends on the order and spren/nahel bond. The order of the Radiant will depend on what oaths they swear and what type of spren they are bonded to:

Windrunners: honorspren

Skybreakers: highspren

Dustbringers: ashspren

Edgedancers: cultivationspren

Lightweavers: cryptics (“liespren”)

Elsecallers: inkspren

Willshapers: lightspren

Stonewards: peakspren

Bondsmiths: the Stormfather, Nightwatcher, or the Sibling (I don’t think we have a spren category for these three)

In Words of Radiance, we get the most insight into Windrunners and Lightweavers through Kaladin and Shallan, respectively, so I’m going to focus on these orders. This does actually work well because the Windrunners and Lightweavers can represent the two “styles” of orders quite well, each one being fairly structured or esoteric respectively.

Kaladin’s Windrunner powers are the most stereotypical magical ability – using gravitation Kaladin can fly, well technically fall in any direction, but the effect is the same. We see him using his powers to soar through the skies above the Shattered Plains, and run on walls. The effect is incredibly cinematic to read (although I suspect it would look ridiculous if poorly adapted into a visual medium) and enhances Kaladin’s status as an ‘action hero’. His other ability, adhesion, is slightly less dramatic – at least when it’s used straightforwardly. He can stick things together, or draw objects towards something else, including people, with magical superglue.

However, Kaladin’s, and the rest of the Knights Radiants’, powers are connected to the oaths he swears and his bond with Sylphrena (Syl). The Knights are granted the ability to surgebind and control their powers through 5 oaths, each order has different oaths but the first is universal: ‘Life before Death, Strength before Weakness, Journey before Destination’. In Kaladin’s case his oaths are connected to protecting others, which does slightly excuse Kaladin’s “saving people thing” and inability to let it go if people he cares about die. Whether Kaladin keeps his oath depends on whether Syl, his bonded Honorspren, best friend, and a tiny piece of divinity in her own right, agrees whether he is keeping them in spirit – something we explore at length with Kaladin’s plotline in this book.

Shallan’s Lightweaver powers are also incredibly visual, especially as she spends all of this book focusing on illumination, which gives her the ability to shape Stormlight into realistic illusions. Her abilities are particularly useful for subterfuge and lies as Shallan can use them on herself to change her appearance, or on their own to make it appear as if something is there when it’s not. Her other ability – soulcasting, the surge of transformation – still hasn’t been explored as of Rhythm of War. Soulcasting changes one substance into another, but exactly how it works and the extent of its power is still uncertain. However, from what we’ve seen through Jasnah, who also has the ability, it is overpowered and very cool.

Shallan’s oaths are less obvious than Kaladin’s and it’s hard to tell what oath she’s on by the end of the book – although this is also heavily linked to Shallan’s backstory and developments in her character in later books,Shallan is definitely a non-standard Radiant! Her oaths, after the initial oath, are made up of truths about herself. She speaks her truths to her spren, Pattern, in order to progress as a Radiant. Her oaths also force her to develop as a person, which has been a painful process because Shallan has been lying to herself since she was a child and doesn’t want to admit what she’s done.

The magic system is clearly very complicated, and we still don’t know everything about it, six of the ten orders haven’t been explored through their specific books, and even the orders we have seen a lot from through our viewpoint characters are shrouded in mystery – I’m still not entirely sure what Bondsmiths do despite having the Bondsmith book (Oathbringer) because the order is so esoteric. It’s well drawn and compelling, especially as Sanderson uses the progression of the Knights as a mystery throughout the books. Despite not being that interested in hard magic systems the magic in this book is interesting and I really like the structure around the Radiants – it also makes for interesting discussion, debates, and Harry Potter style quizzes in the fandom, which is fun!

Characters and Plotlines

Kaladin, Syl, and Moash – Unfortunately, my new found love of Kaladin was tried in this novel because Kaladin REALLY gets on my nerves in Words of Radiance. It’s not because I disagree with Kaladin per se… I actually agree with a lot of Kaladin’s anger, resentment, and sense of injustice with the social system in Vorin/Alethi society. Kaladin has a right to feel angry and seek retribution for what was done to him, and Bridge Four.

However, Kaladin walks around with a massive chip on his shoulder in this book, particularly in how he talks to and thinks about Dalinar and his immediate family. His motivation I can understand and sympathise with, but the impression of ‘I’m so hard done to, the world is against me’ that Kaladin radiates in this book feels completely at odds with the reality of his situation. Yes, Kaladin has a right to be angry. Yes, he has a right to seek justice. But there is no reason he should be so personally antagonistic towards everyone because of their social position. He is in a position of power, he’s outside the social hierarchy to a large extent, and in control of his own life (and the lives of the ex-Bridgecrews). Kaladin is angry at everyone and everything, but he’s losing the justification for a lot of his resentment, particularly when it’s expressed towards Dalinar and his sons.

In particular I have an issue with Kaladin’s main plotline around Moash and the attempt to assassinate Elhokar. Aside from the fact I hate Moash, to the extent where Moash could be dropped from the books without resolution and I wouldn’t bat an eye (sorry Moash fans - I’ve never liked him…), this plotline just doesn’t feel right for Kaladin’s character. It actually feels like a betrayal of the character we got to know in The Way of Kings and continue with in Oathbringer/Rhythm of War. I can’t see a world where Kaladin Stormblessed is okay with murder or assassination.

Kaladin’s whole deal is honour and justice - justice as in what’s morally right (legality is another thing entirely!) He also wants to protect everyone, including Syl - Syl perhaps above everyone else as Tien is dead - but this plot is something she explicitly isn’t comfortable with and is concerned about. I CAN see a world where Kaladin pursues a plan to see Elhokar removed from power, but not assassinated. The argument about Elhokar’s removal being like removing a gangrenous limb (or whatever the exact metaphor was) doesn’t hold up for his character.

What makes this whole plotline worse is it doesn’t really lead anywhere, other than placing Moash on the opposite side to Kaladin in the upcoming war. All that we really get from it is confirmation that Kaladin is a Windrunner to the core (which we already knew) and Moash is on whatever side Kaladin isn’t because they’re foils for each other. However, the only real outcome of this entire 1,000 page plotline is Moash is maneuvered into position for his arc in Oathbringer, and Kaladin gets to swear his third ideal. Yet Kaladin’s perspective doesn’t radically change and quite frankly working out the third ideal could have been done in another way, without betraying Kaladin’s character for two thirds of a book. It was there to conveniently get a few characters where they needed to be for the next book, and to let Kaladin have another superhero moment. I love Kaladin superhero moments as much as anyone else - I just wish it wasn’t prefaced with this plotline.

One thing I really don’t understand - and is why I dislike this plotline so much - is why we’re stressing so much on a Kaladin-Moash friendship anyway. They don’t feel like friends! Honestly, this is a larger problem with Bridge Four as a whole - their friendship with Kaladin doesn’t feel earnt. Well no, Rock, Teft, and Lopen do. But the larger part of Bridge Four feels like they’re just there? They definitely feel like they’re friends with each other, but not necessarily with Kaladin.

I’ve already confessed that I’m not the biggest fan of Bridge Four at the best of times because they feel like a sports team underdog narrative, which is honestly my worst nightmare of a storyline. However, I DO want to see Sanderson actually show Kaladin being friends with them, especially as they are such a huge part of his motivation to protect. We have one scene - the bar scene - with a few of them acting like a genuine friendship group. Yet this doesn’t make for a genuine friendship, we need more little moments throughout the book, including Kaladin.

Sanderson does improve on the Bridge Four dynamic, Oathbringer and Rhythm of War make me feel like Bridge Four are genuine mates a lot more than Words of Radiance does. However, for this book we do need to see Kaladin and Moash as real friends, maybe even as close as brothers, for the Elhokar assassination plotline to work. But we don’t! It’s easier for me to believe Adolin and Kaladin’s friendship than Moash and Kaladin! And Adolin and Kaladin spend most of this book bickering…

I think the real issue with this plotline is the execution. The way Kaladin’s character has been established, the lack of page time spent on Bridge Four as a whole and Moash in particular, and ultimately small outcomes for this plotline makes it feel tedious and slightly pointless. Sanderson needed to increase the REAL stakes - there was no way Kaladin was really going to lose his status as a radiant, just for narrative reasons - and work on the emotional impact. We need to believe Kaladin would really go through with the assassination, and his friendship with Moash before getting to this plotline. But as we don’t, or at least I don’t, feel this so Kaladin’s anger and it’s consequential plotline ends up frustrating me to the point where Kaladin is on thin ice for a lot of this novel.

Shallan - Okay, I’m going to address the elephant in the room later - the elephant is Shallan and the “Boots scene” if you weren’t aware. However, I do have a few other complaints about Shallan in this book.

My main issue with Shallan, excluding the classism I’m addressing later, is that a lot of her character feels unearned (in this book specifically not as a general rule.) Not in the sense that her powers feel unearned, or her backstory isn’t believable (which I really love), but her achievements and relationships in Words of Radiance feel cheap. There are several moments that stick out to me as being particularly annoying.

Firstly, Shallan’s ability to control Tvlakv, Tyn, and the merchant caravans. Personally, I find this whole situation ridiculous when I think about it. I can go along with Shallan being able to get to the Shattered Plains miraculously meeting the slave trader who sold Kaladin. However, the fact Shallan is apparently capable of manipulating Tvlakv into taking her there with very little conflict is ludicrous.

Shallan’s a shipwrecked, fairly middling noble with few resources at her immediate disposal, and a somewhat shy (if on later acquaintance bubbly) personality. It doesn’t make sense to me that she can have this influence over Tvlakv. Yes she’s been taught by Jasnah, and yes she does have some confidence/authority from her own position as a lighteyes. However, I’m really struggling to believe that, at this point in her story, she is a good enough actress to pull off an aloof lighteyed woman of significant enough rank to make Tvlakv do what she wants, especially when they’ve met in the middle of nowhere and Shallan has no other options.

My second issue with this is with Adolin and Sabarial. Adolin also falls into my larger complaints about Sanderson’s romances, which are by far the weakest elements in any of his books. However, let’s start with Sabarial:

So… Why the hell does Sabarial take her in? It makes ZERO sense. The ‘because it annoys Dalinar’ argument just doesn’t cut it, and neither does the ‘Sabarial is so weird’ perspective. As bonkers as he appears on the surface, we know Sabarial is a shrewd businessman. He’s lazy, but also a clever and manipulative leader, he doesn’t do anything without getting something in return. However, he doesn’t get anything from taking Shallan in except the satisfaction of getting one up on Dalinar? She doesn’t even do his accounts properly! It feels like an inconsistent character move that is only there to suit the storytelling and give Shallan more freedom, rather than demonstrate Sabarial's motivations.

Okay Adolin is both better and worse than Sabarial. I can genuinely understand why Adolin likes Shallan so much and vice versa. I love the relationship they have once it’s been established - they’re good for each other (well I think Adolin is better for Shallan than she is for him, but the point stands.) However, it’s just so insta-lovey! They just meet and it’s like the heavens aligned, and a perfect relationship blossoms. It’s not quite that fast, but it’s pretty quick. And I just don’t buy that initial push into their bond.

I just find this initial meeting and first couple of dates unbelievable? It’s also very cringey… I can’t read some of their ‘banter’ because it’s painful for me at this point - I’m literally Kaladin whenever he has to watch them together. It’s the worst combination of Sanderson’s sense of humour, his poor romances, and annoyingly quirky characters. By Oathbringer I do think they have a good, settled relationship going on, but in this book I really dislike the way it’s sparked. (I’m also questioning why Adolin doesn’t seem to be mourning Jasnah and is going out on dates? It just seems off to me!)

Honestly, I could probably live with both of these aspects if it wasn’t for the final, most egregious issue I have with Shallan in Words of Radiance. Her discovering Urithiru.

I cannot stress enough how much I HATE that Shallan discovered the Oathgate on the Shattered Plains. The other successes feel unrealistic and unearnt but are ultimately small moments that would have to happen in some form - Shallan has to get to the Shattered Plains, and she has to meet/fall in love with Adolin. They’re irritating in how they’re executed but are ultimately okay instagatory moments.

On the other hand, finding Urithiru is one of the biggest moments in the whole series! It’s a significant part of the climax of the whole book! Without it we’d be reading a very different series in Oathbringer and beyond. But giving this huge moment to Shallan is completely out of proportion to the work she’s put in. Yes, Shallan has been looking for it for a few months, she wants to continue Jasnah’s work. However, Jasnah has been slaving away at this for YEARS, literally YEARS. Why does Shallan get this moment of triumph? It’s completely unwarranted for what she’s done, especially as she literally couldn’t have done it without Jasnah’s research. It just pisses me off that we seem to give all the credit to her when, in reality, she drew a map.

I think this annoys me so much because Sanderson went down the ‘kill the mentor’ trope for this book. There was actually very little reason to remove Jasnah in the way he did in Words of Radiance - Shallan could have easily been ignored by Jasnah once they reached Shattered Plains as she’s dealing with the high stakes politics/war effort with Dalinar, leaving Shallan to get embroiled with the Ghostbloods and Adolin. This would have left small amounts of time to see them working together on their scholarship, whilst also giving Shallan room to grow. Using ‘kill the mentor’ AND having Jasnah return from the ‘dead’ felt cheap the first time around (nevermind this one!) whilst achieving very little that couldn’t have been done in other ways.

Overall, I just think Sanderson overplays Shallan’s competence in this book. She’s still a 17/18 year old girl and he’s overdoing it with her abilities that aren’t related to her Radiant powers. The discoveries she makes don’t live up to her reality of character and I find it irritating.

I’ve said a lot that is negative about Shallan - I do get more positive after this book, so that’s something I guess? Nevertheless, I do want to say one thing I really love about Shallan and this book is her backstory. Apart from Dalinar, Shallan has the best backstory out of the main characters we’ve seen so far. The abuse from her father, casual cruelty and neglect within her family, and Shallan’s own darkness is fascinating to read about - if slightly distressing. I don’t have much to say about it as a whole because I think it’s very effective in adding a darker layer into Shallan’s character, as well as being a much more interesting story than Kaladin’s was in The Way of Kings.

Sanderson hasn’t quite mastered the interweaving of the flashbacks into the main storyline in Words of Radiance, then again Oathbringer was exceptionally good in comparison to all the other books for this aspect. However, the Words of Radiance flashbacks are a marked improvement and made for a great way to deepen Shallan’s character past the hints we’d seen in her chapters in the first book. I think it’s a very believable backstory. It’s probably the backstory that’s having the most ‘present day’ impact on the character in question (again Dalinar is a close second but Sanderson dropped the ball with his character growth in Rhythm of War.) Shallan’s past is fabulous and well utilised by Sanderson to make her grow - and I did want to say something positive about Shallan because, despite not liking her, I do think she is a very well written character.

Pattern - I want to say that, despite my apparent vendetta against Shallan, I REALLY love Pattern! He’s so annoyingly sweet, sincere, and genuine! Actually he reminds me a lot of one of my dogs, which might be a contributing factor to my enjoyment of him? Either way Pattern is one of the best spren characters we’ve met so far - he’s amazing!

Dalinar - I’m mainly here to complain there isn’t enough Dalinar in this book and I miss him… I understand why he isn’t as present in Words of Radiance as he is in The Way of Kings and Oathbringer. However, I do think the absence of both Dalinar and Jasnah - my two “problematic faves”, plus Kaladin feeling very off for most of this book, contributes to why I don’t like it very much. Their loss leaves a big hole for my personal enjoyment and attachment, especially on rereads. It’s a very personal problem and comes down to who you read the series for (and whether you like Shallan or not.)

Although, when we get one of the few Dalinar chapters I am ecstatic because they’re all particularly punchy in this book! Chapter 67 - Spit and Bile - when Wit and Dalinar discuss his nature as a ‘benevolent tyrant’ is one of my favourites in the whole series. It’s a real moment of character realisation for Dalinar and gives us some FANTASTIC food for thought before we get to the shocking revelations of Oathbringer.

Kaladin and Shallan, Class Status, and the Boots Scene

Okay, it’s time to address the elephant in the room – Sanderson dropping the ball on his discussion of class conflict. I loved Sanderson’s introduction of class conflict, it’s something I’m particularly interested in as a British person. However, he handles this theme badly in Words of Radiance and drops it completely in Oathbringer, and it was almost a deal breaker for me on this reread. I’m genuinely upset about it.

So, a lot of Kaladin’s arc in this book is centred around him learning to look past his (valid) anger over what was done to him by the lighteyes, and specifically Amaram. Of course, this can’t really be resolved in one book, and I do hope Sanderson listens to the very vocal criticism around his “resolving” of Kaladin’s anger by pressing Kaladin into siding with his oppressors without uncritically examining his choices in books 3 and 4 (as well as making him a de facto lighteyes himself). However, in Words of Radiance Kaladin is very much giving into his anger now he has the opportunity to live, rather than just survive, and Sanderson uses a lot of his interactions with Dalinar, Adolin, and Shallan to show him ‘not all lighteyes are bad’.

I do have issues with the way Sanderson handles this with Adolin and Dalinar - maybe Dalinar not so much because his character has A LOT of other issues going on and his interactions with Kaladin are very much structured by their positions in the army. Their relationship remains largely professional, especially in this book, and Kaladin is shown to trust and respect Dalinar and vice versa. Not to mention that Dalinar is actually prepared to listen to Kaladin’s version of events and do his best to get justice for Kaladin against Amaram - it’s just not an easy situation to prove or resolve, and it can’t be done in the way Kaladin wants.

As an aside for the rest of the series - I do have issues with Kaladin’s long term idolisation of Dalinar as a leader and ‘noble’ lighteyes. We haven’t really seen Kaladin’s reaction to the revelations from Oathbringer (the in-world version) which I do think would change the dynamic between them. After all, the revelations about Dalinar show him to be worse than Amaram in many respects! Kaladin should have a reaction to the morality around Dalinar’s actions in the past, even if he is trying to change, and not just continue as they did before. Although, this issue ties into the larger problems with the series structure and how Sanderson keeps all but dropping Dalinar’s character growth in every other book - we need to address the consequences for revealing his past to the world, particularly with his family and political allies, not just sweep them under the carpet as we did in Rhythm of War!

In contrast to Kaladin’s relationship with Dalinar, he and Adolin are on a slightly more (although not completely) equal level, as demonstrated by their bickering, banter, and eventual friendship. Their relationship begins with Adolin’s suspicions about Kaladin, Kaladin’s hatred for lighteyes, and a mutual grudge against each other, but their relationship grows into a very real friendship after the duel sequence. Their relationship is one that has never bothered me because they had that rocky start. They grow into a friendship of equals, their distrust turns into a genuine bond because they learn to trust each other as they prove to each other that they aren’t what they first assumed.

Most importantly, despite the rocky start, neither of them are actively dismissive of the other based on their social status - Adolin never demeens Kaladin for being darkeyed and once Kaladin gets to know Adolin better his hostility towards lighteyes in general vanishes as they established their personal bond. The only moment you can point to Adolin actively dismissing Kaladin due to his social status is in The Way of Kings when he asks him to take a message to someone in the prostitute scene (sorry I’m not looking up the page numbers.) Adolin never shows dislike of anyone because they are darkeyes and definitely does not toy with those of a lesser social status than himself. Yes, I do agree Sanderson could do a better job of using the relationships between Adolin, Kaladin, and Bridge Four to address some of the subconscious biases Adolin holds. But Adolin is never cruel or manipulative to those with less social status.

This brings me to the big reason why I’ve come to loathe Shallan and the key reason I dislike Sanderson’s mishandling of the social class discussion. It’s not even necessarily Shallan herself that I dislike, it’s the way the narrative frames her character and Sanderson’s dismissal of Kaladin’s anger. I could look past most of the problems I’ve raised against Shallan if it wasn’t for the way Sanderson portrayed her in this book. I still don’t think she’d be my favourite character now but I wouldn’t feel the urge to close the book every time I have to read her chapters.

However, Shallan is probably the best example we have in a point of view character of the minor abuses of the lighteyes against anyone of a lower social class than themselves. I’m not talking about the major crimes committed by Sadeas or Amaram where they show a blatant disregard for life, but I am talking about the subtle abuses of those with wealth and rank against those less fortunate.

Throughout the series we see Shallan casually and absentmindedly manipulate, dismiss, and bully darkeyed individuals. She’s not maliciously cruel, but she is casually abusive. She treats people like Kaladin or the slaves she ends up owning as less than herself, especially when she first meets them. I’m not here to say this is Shallan’s fault per se. She has been taught to do so by her society, she’s been indoctrinated into a system that believes those with darkeyes are lesser than herself because the Almighty has deemed it to be this way. It’s an inbuilt, largely unconscious bias formed by the society she was brought up in. I’d actually like this character trait if Sanderson used it to challenge Shallan and make her grow as a character, like pretty much EVERYONE else has to do with aspects of their character!

But Sanderson doesn’t. Shallan is given a free pass for toying with darkeyes or those of a lower dahn than herself and using them to amuse herself, or even for dismissing them. And it’s not just once she does it, it’s a systematic behaviour in this book. Now, I will admit most of the time this behaviour is used against...unsavoury characters - it’s usually people like Tvlakv, a slave trader, who often fall victim to Shallan’s manipulation. As an audience we don’t like Tvlakv and don’t really care if he’s manipulated and pushed around by Shallan because of his earlier treatment of Kaladin. We like Kaladin, we like Shallan, but Tvlakv? Not so much. But her casual dismissal of Tvlakv’s life and livelihood (putting my loathing of slavery aside for the moment) does show Shallan’s contempt of those beneath her in general.

The better case to demonstrate Shallan’s classism is in her scenes with Kaladin. There are two moments I could use to make my point: the infamous “Boots” scene in chapter 28 and the Chasm sequence in Part 4. In both these scenes we see Shallan, in a position of power, dismiss Kaladin - the “Boots” scene is by far the worst of these two, but the later sequence give us a better glimpse into the problems with Sanderson’s framing of Shallan’s and Kaladin’s past traumas. Shallan’s trauma is validated by this scene, but Kaladin’s very justified dislike and anger is dismissed by both Sanderson and Shallan. There is very little, leading up to the Chasm sequence, that suggests Shallan is a nice person to Kaladin and he has a lot of long-term trauma from mistreatment and abuse from lighteyes in general. Kaladin should be allowed to hold onto his resentment to some extent. Instead he is forced to get rid of it because of Sanderson’s inflexible belief that all anger, even righteous anger, is wrong.

I could elaborate on this scene but as this review is now ludicrously long, I’m going to stick to the Boots scene as it is simpler and I don’t really need to summarise the scene because it’s so well. The basics you need are: Shallan uses her gender, social position, and Kaladin’s relative lack of authority to humiliate him in front of his men and con him out of his boots. And it’s played for laughs.

There is a small hint later on that Shallan shouldn’t have done what she did when Kaladin confronts her about the incident outside the meeting of the Highprinces. Yet, a large part of this was Shallan saving face when she realised he is Captain of the Kholins’ guard and could pose a serious threat to her plans if he felt so inclined. She doesn’t express any remorse for her behaviour morally speaking, nor does she think that she shouldn’t mess around with people who can’t fight back. No, she’s remorseful because it’s convenient for her.

The 'Boots' scene isn’t funny. It’s a clear, if childish, display of the sheer amount of power lighteyes have over everyone socially below them. But Sanderson doesn’t depict it in that way. It’s just there as an amusing scene, and to get Shallan and Kaladin off on the wrong foot. Kaladin was just doing his job, grumpily, and didn’t deserve this treatment from Tyn or Shallan. Especially as Shallan very much knows that she ISN’T a conwoman and she really IS Adolin’s betrothed - she doesn’t need to impress Tyn, especially not this close to the Shattered Plains. So, she has little excuse for acting in the way that she did, and she really didn’t need to humiliate Kaladin in front of his men. As the audience, we know Kaladin’s command isn’t going to be affected because of his history with Bridge Four, and we know he can replace his boots. But Shallan doesn’t and it only shows how little she really considers the lives of those below her. It’s just casual cruelty that served no purpose except to entertain her and Tyn.

The fact that Shallan has never really been called out for this by the narrative/Sanderson, only by Kaladin and more socially aware fans, is outrageous. Anyone else would be - and everyone else has similar issues that narrative insists they work on and overcome. Yet Shallan is consistently let off for this behaviour. On the other end of this scene, Kaladin is forced into letting go of his anger and falling into line with the Kholins and other lighteyes, despite being systematically oppressed and mistreated by the lighteyes as a whole. Sanderson doesn’t allow Kaladin his anger and he’s punished for it throughout this book.

I will say that Kaladin isn’t completely in the right here, he did need to learn that not everyone is the embodiment of evil just because they are born into wealth and privilege. However, neither was it okay to dismiss the complex dilemma around Kaladin and class - where he needs to overcome his prejudice against everyone at the top of the social system, because there are good lighteyes, whilst still challenging that system - by making him a lighteyes. This doesn’t solve anything! His anger is valid and righteous. The Vorin social system does need a complete overhaul and Kaladin should be allowed to take the helm for that social movement - even if this arc isn’t at the forefront of the series (you know because we’re all slightly busy saving the world!)

Sanderson shouldn’t keep allowing Shallan a free pass for deeply rooted and problematic behaviours and attitudes. It doesn’t need to be a major point of discussion, especially as the series has evolved and everyone is more concerned with staying alive. However, this is a huge series, there is space in it to address this issue every now and again in the background of the novel, particularly in non-combative plotlines. It would also help to change the perspective in moments like the “Boots” scene. Rather than showing these as just funny moments, take the time to show that they are symptoms of a serious problem in Vorin society and demonstrations of the casual abuses of power lighteyes can get away with on a daily basis.

At the end of the day, Kaladin is going to be fine - and he does drive me nuts with the huge chip on his shoulder that he has throughout Words of Radiance. His only real consequence from this scene is wounded pride, he’ll recover. However, Shallan shouldn’t be let off the hook for it either and Sanderson does need to pick up this plotline on the abuse of power and class in the series. He introduced a serious discussion on the dangers of a class-based society and it’s a shame (and irresponsible) to just drop it now.

Conclusion

So I think we can all agree I don’t like a lot of this book. I’m in the minority here. There are some fantastic moments throughout Words of Radiance, but as a whole I struggle when rereading this particular entry into The Stormlight Archive. Sanderson drops the ball on one too many issues, and I really dislike Shallan here. I do get on with her slightly more in later novels - well in Rhythm of War - however, having such a heavy focus on her here makes it a slog for me to read.

Still, onward and upwards! Oathbringer is (probably) my favourite book in the whole series, although I’ve only read RoW once so that might change when I finish this reread. Hopefully I’ll have a lot more positive things to say in my next review - and I finally get to make my speech on why I love Dalinar and his backstory!

#words of radiance #brandon sanderson #stormlight archive #cosmere #book review #kaladin stormblessed #dalinar kholin #moash #pattern #not tagging a certain character because last time i had really nasty comments #i still really love this series #just not this book #fabulous sanderlanches here though #the stormlight archive

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yellowocaballero · 3 years

Text

Prequel to ‘The Crow’s Funeral’: How Agnes + Gerry met, then proceeded to set Jon on fire.

Exactly what it says on the tin. This exists because I was rereading TCF and went “hey did I ever figure out how Agnes and Gerry met”. I didn’t, so this is it. Rest under the cut. No specific warnings except for the fact that, shockingly enough, Jon had gone through a lot of character development prior to the start of TCF and was actually a complete asshole for a year or two.

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

Agnes was back.

Gerry didn’t know how she had found him. His hiding place was pretty well hidden, thank-you-very-much. Adults were always trying to barricade themselves in houses - stupid, when the nightshades could drift through shit - and kids were always trying to hide in closets or attics. But Gerry was the perfect mix of adult and child - or, as they’re known, teenagers - and he had way too much experience stripping houses down for the possessions of the recently deceased.

So Gerry knew about crawl spaces. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, some older row houses had little secret tunnels between each house. You couldn’t quite get into each house normally, but there were always gaps and weak points and hatches. Even better, at the very top there was a hidden attic where the generator and power box lived. It was small, and there were definitely some gross animal corpses that Gerry could have sworn moved, but it was mostly safe. So much as anything was safe.

But, somehow, Agnes had found him. Gerry didn’t know what she was doing exploring row houses for fun, but judging from the scent of smoke that’s been in the air lately he didn’t want to know.

The sharp rapping echoed through the small attic, directly under the hatch with a huge heavy space heater dumped on it. Gerry had other means of entry, and Agnes thought that was the only door. Please! As if Gerry would live somewhere with only one escape exit. That was just asking to get stuck in a nightmare for a month.

But, then again, maybe Agnes had never had to worry about that.

“I brought food!” The high, clear voice called out - slightly muffled from the ceiling/floor, but unmistakable. “It’s Twinkies! Come down to eat it!”

“No way!” Gerry called down back. “I bet you put offal in it!”

“What does offal mean!”

“It’s, like, organs! Go away, lady!”

“I told you!” Agnes called back, weirdly delighted. “My name’s Agnes! I’m a Princess!”

“Princess of what, being lame!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, Princess Agnes!”

“Fuck me yourself!”

Ugh! She was so annoying! This was her fourth fucking time coming by here, and ever since she had realized that he was just a teenage boy she had been leaving food in front of the attic door. It was always weird food, too. Didn’t she know what humans ate?

Stupidly on cue, Gerry’s stomach rumbled. Ugh.

“Go away,” Gerry called back, eager for her to just leave already so he could eat the shitty food she had undoubtedly left. “I don’t feel like getting turned into a candle today!”

For some reason, she didn’t reply to that. Gerry wondered if she was trying to fool him into thinking she was leaving, but joke’s on her - Gerry could hear footsteps all the way through the house. He waited with bated breath for a minute, two minutes, slowly growing confused why she wasn’t either yelling at him or leaving.

He’d never tell her, but he kind of enjoyed fighting with her.

Finally, she called out, with an emotion in her voice that he had never heard from her before, “Is that why you won’t come out? You think I’d turn you into a candle?”

Gerry was flabbergasted. “Yes?” he called back. “You turn everyone into candles.”

“...it’s not just because you don’t like me?”

Aw, man. Gerry abruptly felt a little bad for the flame monster cult leader lady. She couldn’t be any older than him. “You’re really nice,” Gerry called back, feeling like an idiot. “I just didn’t make it this far by not being careful! Thanks for the food, though!”

A longer silence this time. For some reason, Gerry felt a weird kind of anxious. Not the normal level of ‘aaah im gonna get eaten’ anxious. But something different. He couldn’t describe it.

Finally, Agnes called back, “Do you want me to stop bothering you? I’m sorry if I’ve been harassing you. I’m not good at - at all of this.”

Gerry sat in his own silence, sitting cross-legged in front of the space heater on top of the hatch. His baggy jeans clung to his legs, slightly sweaty and definitely unwashed, and his raggedy thin black jacket was also a little sweaty. His hair was plastered to his head, limp and dirty. Wherever Agnes went, heat followed.

People who made dumb decisions didn’t live very long. Gerry had lived for quite a while - well, he was fifteen, but he had made it all year without getting eaten, which was really quite impressive.

And he had made it alone. When he woke up in this green and terrifying world, Mum hadn’t been there. He had looked for her for months. He had almost been ripped to shreds in Pinhole Books. She wasn’t in any of their usual London hideaways, either. Maybe she was outside of London, somewhere far away…

In all of Gerry’s books, he’d pack up his backpack and set out to look for Mum. He wouldn’t stop until he found her. Then he’d find out that she’d been embroiled in some plot to stop all of this, and he’d help her, and she’d hug him…

But it wasn’t a book. No matter how strange this new world was, fiction couldn’t begin to match. And Gerry didn’t really miss his Mum. Not really. He missed the fact that he was alone. He missed the fact that she was powerful and smart and talented, and definitely would have been able to protect the both of them. Gerry had to protect himself now, and he missed that safety more than he ever missed Mum.

Gerry wondered if Agnes was lonely. How could she, with a whole cult?

It was a stupid decision. But Gerry had always trusted too easy, anyway.

He stood up and pushed the space heater with a thick, screeching grinding sound that scraped uncomfortably along the wood. With a final heave, he pushed it off the hatch, and reluctantly bent down to lift the hatch and unfold the ladder.

“If you turn me into a candle I’m giving you an allergy attack,” Gerry called down, and the girl known as Agnes Montague smiled up at him brilliantly.

***

That wasn’t how Agnes and Gerry started. But it had been, maybe, how they got going.

Agnes, Gerry found out very quickly, was a hot-tempered girl. Save the jokes. She was always dressed like a sixties hippie, and her long red hair was always somehow glistening and clean. She let Gerry touch it, very carefully, and - yep, even the hair was wax. What a weird person.

After a bit of frantic introductions and suspicious squinting from both sides, Gerry and Agnes had eventually sat down cross-legged from each other as Gerry stuffed Twinkies in his mouth and she eyed them warily. She had eyed them with a bit of trepidation, but Gerry’s obvious joy at eating them must have made her curious. That was one thing Agnes was: curious. Almost to death.

“You really live up here? And you’ve never gotten trapped by a nightmare?”

Gerry shrugged uncomfortably, sucking at his fingers. “Yep. I run around town a lot too, cuz I get bored otherwise. It’s easy to evade all of that shit if you know how.”

“Wow.” It was probably her being a fire person or whatever, but Agnes’ eyes seemed to sparkle a little bit. “My cult members barely even let me outside by myself, and I can set shit on fire. You’re really weird for a human.”

Gerry couldn’t help but puff out his chest a little, even if he would have preferred her to use any other word than ‘weird’. “That’s what happens when your Mum trains you since birth to be a demon hunter.” He faltered a little. “I’m not sure if she knew this would happen, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Your mum knew?” Agnes gasped. “I thought nobody knew about the Entities before the apocalypse!”

“Your cult members must have known, right?” Gerry pointed out, and Agnes nodded in concession of the point. “Yeah, there were always a few of us. Not a lot, though. Tight-knit community, everyone knew each other. Hobbyists, you know. It sucked. Most of the people who got involved in the supernatural were jerks.” Actually, now that Gerry thought about it… “That crazy apocalypse prepper Salasea must be coming out like a bandit right now.”

Agnes nodded sagely, as if she knew who Salasea was. Maybe she did? Gerry had always gotten the impression that if all of the demon hunters knew each other, then maybe all of the demons did too. Eventually word about Mum had really started to get around.

“You’re the first interesting human I’ve met,” Agnes said thoughtfully. “Most of them just - like, scream, you know? Or pretend I’m not there. Like if they don’t acknowledge me then I can’t hurt them. And, like, that’s the way it works for a lot of these things! But I’m a person too, you know?”

“You really aren’t.”

“I have feelings,” Agnes said firmly. “But maybe the reason why you’re still safe isn’t because you’re a super cool human hunter, Gerry.”

“It has to be a part of it,” Gerry said aggressively, eager to assert his masculinity and how cool he was.

“Of course,” Agnes allowed, making Gerry huff. “But I think it’s because you aren’t scared. You were wondering how I found you, right?” Gerry nodded slowly. He had been wondering how Agnes had caught on that he was living here. “It was because I felt a person - I can always feel body heat - but I didn’t taste any fear. I was setting some row houses on fire just to feel something, and you weren’t feeling anything either!” She set her expression firmly, almost bravely. “I think we’re the same.”

“A goth human teenager living in an attic and a flame princess of the fire cult?” Gerry asked skeptically. They couldn’t be less similar. Gerry lived each day in - well, as Agnes pointed out, not fear, but he was constantly just trying to survive. It was all he had ever known, but he knew that others didn’t live like that. He had known when he was a kid - that other kids were normal, were happy - and he knew it now. That a small handful of people in this world were having a blast, and that everyone else suffered. “We’re nothing alike.”

But Agnes faltered, just a bit, and Gerry just a little bit of that loneliness in her expression again. “You’re the only other kid who’s had a conversation with me.” She paused a beat. “Besides, like, Callum, but he’s a baby.”

Maybe, in a schoolyard or a town or a world, Gerry and Agnes weren’t so similar. Maybe they’d have nothing in common. But maybe, in this world that was both so isolated and so unified, they could be a little similar after all.

“I’ll allow it,” Gerry said graciously. He wanted to shake her hand, but he deeply knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, he broke his Twinkie in half, and held out the other one to her. “Friends?”

Agnes eyed the Twinkie warily. “Do you become friends by asking to be friends with someone?”

“I dunno, I don’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she took the Twinkie. It was a start.

****

Of course, Gerry and Agnes were far more alike than they had first thought. Mostly in the fact that their evil mothers had killed their fathers (which Gerry had the sneaking suspicion wasn’t a universal experience) and that the both of them were actually kind of literally protagonists of a YA book.

Well, Gerry had always been the protagonist of his own life. But he would write a story about Agnes too: about the spoiled princess who rejected her destiny. Who had a really cool previous life where she was all dramatic and sad and stuff, who died tragically only to be reborn as a magical teenage girl. Seriously, it was right out of a Sarah J Maas novel.

Maybe they latched onto each other too quickly, but it was the kind of latching on when you made friends with another kid at the orientation to summer camp and then religiously stuck to the kid once the actual camp started until you got another friend. Maybe. Gerry's never been to summer camp, how was he supposed to know.

But Agnes was sharply quick, surprisingly kind, and fiercely protective. Gerry had never met somebody who cared as much as her. It was really weird. He supposed that people like her, the powerful and destructive, had the privilege to care.

Agnes snuck over more and more often, and sometimes Gerry went to go visit her. Eventually they started roaming the streets together, loitering in businesses and committing general acts of tomfoolery. Gerry was an old hat at tomfoolery - he had only been vaguely supervised most of his life - but Agnes encroached every second of minor rule breaking with cautious glee.

Not that there really were rules anymore. Even if you were the kind of juvenile delinquent that got adults yelling at you and caused minor or major property damage, it wasn’t as if the cops were going to come and take you away. Either you got away with it, or you were eaten for a while. This was very natural to Gerry, and after a little bit of convincing it came easily to Agnes too. Maybe they really were well-suited for each other after all.

If Gerry’s Mum could see him now, she would call him ‘dreadful’ and ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘badly behaved’. But...she wasn’t there, so she could hardly complain. Served her right.

Months - maybe - later, Gerry and Agnes were hanging out in Gerry’s crawlspace again after a long day terrorizing demons and old men alike. They were splitting a blood orange - literally - and letting the sticky juice (juice?) run down their hands, laughing as Agnes imitated the look of shock on the old man’s face. Sitting down on the floor, flavor bursting sweet on his tongue, as Agnes teased him for dropping peels everywhere...Gerry was almost happy.

Rookie mistake.

Agnes sensed it first, stiffening slightly as her body pulsed slightly warmer. Gerry scooted a little further away from her carefully as she turned to look at the thin plaster wall, brow furrowing.

“Is it a nightmare?” Gerry whispered. “Or a person?”

“Neither,” Agnes whispered back. “It’s…”

Then Gerry heard it too: the clack of nails on hardwood, and a sound so terrifying it made his gut tie itself into knots. It was a growl, bestial and wet. Something was snarling outside.

Gerry stopped breathing, sitting absolutely still. The sounds of sniffing and snarling were loud and distinct, and he couldn’t help but stare at the sticky, juicy, smelly orange in his hands. Agnes was also still, far more completely than Gerry ever could be, carefully listening.

He wanted to whisper to Agnes, make a game plan, but the monster would hear them. Part of Gerry wanted to tremble in fear, but that wasn’t useful. He forced himself to calm down as best as he could while keeping his breaths minimal. Remember Dune. Fear was the mind killer. Fear is the little death.

But then Agnes smiled at him faintly, making a gentle gesture with her hand. Agnes was a literal fire messiah. She could take almost any monster. Gerry had never seen her afraid of anything, just contemptuous or annoyed. Having her there with him was more reassuring than any book quote, and Gerry exhaled softly as he smiled back at her. Agnes was going to torch that monster, and it would be super cool, and they’d high five, and -

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

A faint yipping echoed through the space, almost like a dog. It could never be mistaken for a dog.

“Well, yes, there’s people everywhere. Other places have more people, even. Why can’t we just go there?” Another bark, a low bass cut. “Oh, if it’s a Hunt, then it’s alright.”

The heat was growing oppressive, and Gerry frantically motioned for Agnes to cut it out. He was withholding his own ragged breathing, and abruptly Gerry felt as if he couldn’t breathe. It was just making him more scared, the sweat trickling down his neck -

There was another yip, so close it might as well be made in his ear. It clearly came from directly in front of him.

Gerry couldn’t help it - he screamed, overwhelmed with fire and heat and fear and the wolf at their door.

The wall exploded.

Dust and insulation burst outwards in a fine white cloud, and Gerry and Agnes were abruptly coughing intensely and the wall cracked, folded, and collapsed inwards. Gerry was showered with fragments of wood and plaster, stifling another scream, and screwed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of light.

He cracked them open as quickly as he could, unwilling to meet whatever was in front of him with his eyes closed. Instantly, overwhelmingly, Gerry was brought face to snout with a giant wolf.

Gerry firmly believed that people weren’t meant to see apex predators up close. Nobody should be able to touch a bear, was Gerry’s opinion. What was an anaconda? Gerry was on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t afraid, but he hadn’t made it to the ripe old age of fifteen without being highly cautious.

It wasn’t right, staring this wolf in the face. Every inch of it stood out to him: the slobber, the snarl, the canines almost as long as his hand. It was silvery white, with a thick ruff and coat, and Gerry watched in awe as the wolf snarled and -

And stopped snarling. It started looking at him curiously instead, bushy tail sweeping gently side to side.

The immediate problem almost solved, Gerry was able to take in the figure behind the wolf.

He was a guy. Unfairly tall, Black with curly hair drawn tight into a ponytail. Sharp features, undercut by unnaturally green eyes. He was in a suit that looked like he had put it on three months ago and had never changed. He was...wearing a trenchcoat? He was just a guy!

“A human!” The man - monster? Guy? Nightmare? Avatar? - cried. “Oh, good job, Daisy! You’re a fantastic investigator.” The wolf - Daisy was a stupid name for a wolf - barked lowly. “Yes, it is like an oven in here, isn’t it?”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. He was still cowering on his ass, covered in dust and plaster. This guy was Agnes’ monster? Maybe she had mistaken him for someone else. “Who -”

“He’s even talking!” The man exclaimed, as if he was a dancing monkey. “They never talk to me voluntarily, you know.” Daisy barked again. “I think it’s cute! Kids are so repetitive, but this one smells great. Good job, Daisy.”

Before Gerry could protest the man stepped forward and looked down at him, and a sick realization trickled through him.

The man had nothing behind his eyes. Bright green, sick and churning, radioactive and poisonous. His expression was absent and vaguely curious, like a child watching an ant crawl through its anthill. Slowly, intensely, the man’s placid expression broke into a sharp and demented smile.

It wasn’t the smile of a human staring at a tasty sandwich. It wasn’t even the smile of a monster drawing a human into a nightmare. It was the smile of a child holding the magnifying glass to the ant: triumphant, because now the child got to see what happens when an ant blackened to a crisp. Elated, because they were the child, and not the ant. Victorious, because they could only remember the distinction in the act of causing harm.

“Statement of -”

“Leave him alone!”

The monster exploded into flames.

Agnes leapt from her position in the crawlspace, slightly tucked away out of sight, and shoved at the wolf hard. The wolf yowled, her handprints blackening its fur, and it retreated snarling.

It was not the first time Gerry had seen someone set on fire. It happened a lot, when you hung out with Agnes. But the man burned, in bright and beautiful red-hot flames, crackling and searing the skin and air and sky. His mouth was open in a silent scream.

Something green shone from within the flames.

Then the flames were gone. It was as if he had never been set on fire at all. At most he smelled vaguely of burning flesh, and his hair had broken free of its ponytail to settle in fuzzy waves.

The monster looked mildly peeved.

Agnes grabbed Gerry, leaving red-hot scorch marks on his hoodie, and yanked him behind her. Gerry was not embarrassed to say that he absolutely hid behind Agnes as she put herself between him and the monster and his wolf. The wolf who was now snarling deeply at them, and the slightly irritated monster who shook ash off his unharmed trench coat.

“I don’t care if you called dibs on him,” the monster bitched. “You don’t get to stop me in the middle of a - oh, Agnes!” The monster’s expression brightened as he snapped his fingers. “Agnes Montague, right? Your cult introduced me to you at - what was it -”

“Annabelle’s annual party five months ago,” Agnes said flatly. Her wax hair was still burning at the ends, and although Gerry couldn’t see her expression he knew it had to be fierce. “Nice to see you again, Jon. Now stay away from him.”

“If you called dibs then you shouldn’t have let me try to eat him,” Jon - which was the dumbest name for an evil monster - complained. He smelled his arm, grimacing. “Setting me on fire’s downright rude, Agnes. Didn’t Jude teach you any manners?”

“Go away!” Agnes yelled. Gerry realized quietly that she was still shaking. “He’s not yours! He’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to hurt!”

Jon frowned at her. Gerry could practically see it: Did_not_compute.exe. It simply didn’t make sense: that there was something in the world that he wasn’t allowed to hurt. That there was something in the world that was not his.

Before Jon could speak again, his wolf barked harshly at him. She kept barking, completely indecipherably, as Jon’s expression screwed up in uncomprehension. “What does it matter if they’re children.” The wolf barked. “I mean, I don’t actually care if we piss off the Desolation or not.” Bark, bark. “Why are you always guilt tripping me!” Bark, bark, bark, bark. Eventually Jon’s expression turned somewhat abashed, and then downright embarrassed.

“Right, right.” He turned back to Agnes and Gerry, a little sulky. “Sorry for trying to eat your human, Agnes. In my defense, he was quite -” The dog yipped. “ - innocent, and I’m sure he’s very fun. Great. Well, this was a waste of time. Call me if you get tired of him, Agnes.”

Jon turned to go, and Gerry could not see his back soon enough. The heat had died as Agnes calmed down, her arms crossed over her chest and scowling fiercely.

“Apologize to him!”

Jon froze, halfway across the room. Gerry quietly wanted to die.

The monster slowly turned on his heel, looking at Agnes with a faintly flabbergasted expression. “You can’t be serious -” The wolf barked again. Gerry had the impression that the wolf was in charge of him. “Stop ganging up on me -” Bark. “I don’t know how to talk to humans, don’t make me!” A very firm bark.

“Do it,” Agnes said firmly. “Or I’ll set you on fire again.”

Unbelievably, the monster groaned. He turned to Gerry, fluorescent eye twitching. “Alright, alright! Listen, uh - kiddo? Kiddo. I am very sorry that you tasted - I am very sorry that I tried to scar you for life and consume your trauma. I cannot stress enough how it’s nothing personal. There.” Weirdly enough, he looked a little proud of himself. “Hah. Totally rocked that talking to a human thing.”

“Uh,” Gerry said, too dizzy with the events of the last ten minutes to care very much about what he said, “is the wolf in charge of you?”

Even more unbelievably, the man brightened. “I’m her assistant! Not very many people pick that up. You’re very bright, little human. Do you want to pet her?” Jon glanced at Daisy, who looked unimpressed. Very loudly, he hissed at her, “Do children like petting dogs?”

The wolf, somehow, seemed to inform him that yes, they did.

They were in too deep now. Gerry walked up and petted the wolf. It was fucking awesome. Agnes groaned and pulled him back again very quickly. She seemed a little jealous. The wolf yipped at her and Agnes reluctantly petted the wolf too.

Jon clapped his hands. “Well! That was very unpleasant. I won’t ask what you’re doing hiding in a wall, Agnes. As a personal favor to you.”

“Thanks,” Agnes said flatly.

“Tell Diego and Jude that I’m not doing it. Or eating your human. As a personal favor to you.”

“Definitely will.”

“Fantastic.” Jon’s eyes glinted, in the soft light of Agnes’ flames. “I’m very happy you’ve reincarnated into that fun child’s body, Agnes. Children are so tempestuous and impulsive. I wouldn’t have tolerated an adult setting me on fire. You understand that, don’t you?”

Agnes nodded, almost shakily.

“You understand that for an adult, that would have had very different consequences.”

Agnes nodded again.

“Fantastic!” Then Jon was beaming again, all carelessness and laziness. “Have fun, you little delinquents. Come on, Daisy. I’m famished.”

He swanned off, wolf following closely on his tail. But the wolf looked back as it crossed the threshold, large yellow eyes piercing in a way that Gerry just couldn’t name, before they both disappeared. As slowly and terrifyingly as they had come.

Ten seconds passed, then fifteen.

Agnes crumpled to her knees and bent over the floor, shaking, and her hands pressed hot scorch marks into the wood. She was still shuddering, and Gerry bent down next to her. He couldn’t physically comfort her, but he could put his hand close to hers on the wood. As close as possible, yet never touching.

“We are so lucky to be alive,” Agnes breathed, before abruptly groaning. “I set him on fire! I set The Archivist on fire!”

The title tickled something in Gerry’s brain, bringing up an insane amount of questions, but he brushed them all aside. Gertrude was dead - or at the very least, very far away, where she was no good to him. She had to be, otherwise he would have noticed her cutting a swathe through Britain by now.

“Who is he?” Gerry asked. He didn’t really want to know, but...well, he was himself. He wanted to know everything. It was kind of his whole thing.

Agnes sat down on her knees, rubbing her forehead, and Gerry cautiously sat down next to her. “He’s the monster who sold the world. The most dangerous man ever made.”

“The most dangerous man in the world gets bossed around by his dog?” Gerry asked, before the words sunk in. “Wait, I thought that was Jonah Magnus!”

“Jonah Magnus doesn’t kill people because they annoy him!” Agnes snapped, before she groaned into her hands again. “And I set him on fire…Diego is going to kill me!”

“For what it’s worth,” Gerry said awkwardly, “I’m glad you set him on fire. He was kind of a dick.” He paused again, uncertain of how to say it. “And...thanks for caring, I guess. You really don’t have to.” He shrugged, unwilling to state what had always been unsaid between them. “I’m a human. These things happen to us. You just have to deal with it.”

That was the way of the world. It had always been that way, even before the apocalypse. The strong and powerful and important like Jon kicked around smaller people, and the smaller people just hoped they survived it.

Gerry was a survivor. Nobody had ever saved him before. Maybe because nobody had ever saved him before.

Agnes tackled Gerry in a tight, pressing hug. She wasn’t hot at all, just mildly warm - an incredible act of effort and concentration on her part. Her arms were solid and unyielding, never mistaken for flesh, but she clutched at him with a unique desperation. Gerry cautiously hugged her back, letting her bury her head into his shoulder.

“Not to you,” Agnes whispered. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Not even The Archivist.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gerry whispered.

“We’re family.” Agnes separated from him, stubbornly fighting boiling tears. “And I’m sick of just dealing with it.”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. “Family?” He said weakly.

Agnes blushed hotly. “If you want!” She tightened her fists on her skirt, winding the fabric between her fingers anxiously. “It’s just that - I know you don’t have anyone...and I have my cultists, but they don’t really care about me, not like you do...and I know it used to be different, that family used to mean something different, but I don’t care about what old people thought family meant. I care about you, and we’re sticking together, so that’s what we are.” She faltered a little. “If you want.”

“Siblings, then,” Gerry said faintly. “If you want.”

And he did want it. More than anything, Gerry wanted this.

When Agnes smiled at him, and she hugged him tightly again, Gerry was halfway certain that yet another disaster was about to befall them. He knew that meteors were going to strike, that the ground was going to open up and engulf them, that the world would end in fire and ice, because Gerry was so happy it clenched his heart. He was so happy he couldn’t breathe.

“It’ll be okay,” Agnes said into his shoulder, “we’ll never have to deal with Jonathan Sims again. I promise.”

****

It was not a promise Agnes kept.

They ran into him again. And again. And again. Eventually, after meeting a monstrous golem of fear and suffering that induced paralyzing fear so frequently, said simulacrum of human experience became slightly tiresome. And you realized that he was, actually, really not that bright. Or at the very least not very mature. And that his wolf sister kind of wore the pants in that relationship. That he and his wolf sister were like Agnes and Gerry, in every possible way. And that he was, weirdly, deeply kind. And that he loved, so bright and pure and fearsome that it had brought down the world. That he was capable of loving Gerry. Maybe even, given enough time, anyone.

Many months later, as Gerry, Agnes, Jon, and Daisy sat in an ice cream shop splitting blood orange ice cream (with real blood!) and bickering endlessly about if Friends was the Flesh or the Stranger, that Gerry thought he might feel something familiar in his chest.

Something that clenched his heart, something that made him so happy he couldn’t breathe. Something that felt like fire and ice and meteors and disaster.

Jon must have felt it. He looked at Gerry, surprised, with ice cream slowly dripping from his spoon and congealing on the table. “What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? Agnes, is he ill?”

“No,” Gerry said, wiping at his eyes. “I guess I’m happy again.”

Everybody stared at him, slightly dumbfounded.

Daisy barked.

“You’re quite right, Daisy,” Jon said.

He didn’t tell them what she was right about, and Gerry never asked. He already knew.

#my writing #be nice to jon this is like his first time talking with a human outside of eating them #how would YOU feel if people started waving a chicken in your face and told you to apologise #nobody asked for this and i haven't thought about jonbackers in a while but you know what? maybe i should #also I found an old scrapped short story of mine that was 'hey you know if jon hadn't run from martin in the beginning #then NONE of this story would have ever happened'#might post that too not sure #gerard keay #agnes montague #jonathan sims #daisy tonner #why the fuck do i write anybody other than teen gerry

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sunakith · 3 years

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hi! sorry in advance for this long ask 😥 i read metamorphosis in your old blog and reread it here again. i remember the asks you got in your old blog with all of the possible theories about WHO the snitch could possibly be: from yn’s friends to suna’s and the wildest one, suna himself. so i’d like to share my theory up to ch20.

THE SNAKE:

* is someone who has been telling yn’s mom about her whereabouts for a while (even before she officially met suna and his friends)

* the only people who yn is close to AND trust are 3: kuroo, akaashi and sora

* the task at the begging was easy: yn didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, was always cautious around people. so it was easy money without getting yn in trouble(?)

* something interesting: the meeting between them and yn’s mom. they had to choose a cafe that was not only suitable for mrs LN standards BUT also a place away from prying eyes (i see it as if someone saw them it would be hard to explain why they were together 👀)

so the snitch CANNOT be any of suna’s friends bc not only they never met yn in person before she went to suna’s tattoo shop but there was no way they could know yn’s whereabouts and mrs LN didn’t know about their existence till after the family brunch at the fancy restaurant (yn told her parents she didn’t know them)

the snitch could be one (you said it was only one) between kuroo akaashi and sora

1. KUROO - probably yn longtime friend among the three. they come form the same family background: rich kids plus their parents are friends. contrary to yn’s parents, kuroo’s seem to be less strict and support his (side/temporary) career as a youtuber but it doesn’t mean they don’t have expectations on their son. he’s studying law school and one if not both of his parents are lawyers (him saying he would use his parents old books bc he didn’t have some at the begging of the smau) - he has to follow his parents steps either bc he wants to or has been forced/induced on wanting to be a lawyer.

even tho he said multiple times he was broke, we should think on HIS meaning of being broke. he has a certain life stile so when he says he needs money it doesn’t mean he cannot afford to pay for rent (does he even have to pay? does he own the place he lives in? and even if he was broke and needed money for food he could easily go to his family’s home.

is he the snake? for me, no he isn’t (and it was confirmed in ch21)

* as he said - (ch21) excluding the easy money - there was nothing for him to risk his friendship with yn. even if yn’s mom doesn’t stand him it didn’t stop her from being friends with his parents

* he’s the one who could really understand yn’s situation with her parents. what it means coming from a wealthy family and your parents put a certain pressure on you and your future wether intentionally (the LNs) or not (the Kuroos)

2. AKAASHI - the perfect guy according to yn’s mom.

* he doesn’t come from a wealthy family, his tuition is paid by yn’s parents (no one knows this info) so he really does need extra money bc he has to cover for his other expenses and support his own family

* he’s close to yn but not enough to know her feelings/doubts (sora)

* the way mrs LN talk/message the snake like she genuinely cares about them

* when yn ditched the dinner with the sakusa’s and her parents, yn’s mom with sakusa went to her apartment (they found sora with atsumu). yn was with suna and he decided to drive her back home, that’s when yn’s mom and sakusa met suna and yn panicked bc of sakusa’s presence. mrs LN asked info about suna to the snake and they didn’t know who she was talking about (sora was there and knew suna was with yn). only kuroo and akaashi weren’t there/didn’t know suna met mrs LN

* akaashi went back home for a month and during that period he missed certain things about yn x suna relationship also he didn’t check that often the gc.

* the brunch (ch20) - akaashi wasn’t there: we don’t know yet how yns mom and sakusa knew where to find yn. did the snake told any of them the address OR did yn ratted herself out by posting the place on her ig (it is public if im not mistaken)? the snake could easily forward the picture to any of them if her profile was private and they didn’t know the address (akaashi)

3. SORA - yn’s only female friend

* like akaashi she doesn’t come from a wealthy family (as far as we know) and she doesn’t go to college but works.

* yn’s mom dislikes her (at least on the surface)

* she doesn’t understand why yn is/was so obedient to her parents, it’s hard to understand from an outside pov (kuroo in a certain way can even if his parents aren’t that controlling)

* the cafe meeting with mrs LN. the way the place should be secluded 👀

* as i said before telling yn’s mom about yn’s life was easy money and there was nothing «interesting» in her life to be hidden from her parents

the snake (for me) is one between sora and akaashi.

AFTER CH21 im thinking more on akaashi bc of the convo between the snake and sakusa where sakusa tells the snake that what they are doing all of this for yn’s sake. akaashi doesn’t know how yn truly feels about suna nor her doubts/worries before they became official (only sora knows) BUT if the snake ends up being sora…(i guess that would be the biggest betrayal yn could get) she deserves an oscars as best actress in a bc not only she played matchmaker with yn x suna but she’s basically yn’s (only) confidant

last but not least let’s talk about my man (sorry yn) suna. not to be a suna apologist (im the first to call his ass out when he’s bitch) but could you really blame him for not wanting to listen to yn? he opened up about his past with her and in one of the first chapters - don’t remember if it was the gc with the twins or he told to yn - was mentioned how his last relationship or the most important one he ended up being emotionally hurt by his partner and he decided to stay away from relationship for a while. so imagine what/how he felt when sakusa told him he was yn’s boyfriend when she not only told him sakusa was just a family friends but they are (suna x yn) supposed to be in a relationship.

yn postponing to tell suna the truth about sakusa (them being together in a arranged relationship bc of their parents business) ended up hurting him. there was never a right moment (the sooner the better) but she should have explained

or at least vaguely mention it to him either when she told him about her parents (when they opened up about each other) or after the apartment incident BUT definitely before they started dating bc she basically lied to suna.

i think that’s all 😵‍💫

The fucking thought & detail that went into this ask!!!! I love it!!!!

Okay, so let me try to answer this properly without skipping over anything, but also without giving away any key parts of the au lol.

So, I did mention this fact on my old blog, but I didn't mention it here, so the snake has been betraying Y/N way before she was introduced to Suna, & his friends. So that fact alone eliminates Atsumu & Osamu from being the snake. You are also correct about the snake having it easy at first. Because there wasn't anything to report seeing how she never did anything until Suna came into the picture. That's when the snake started gathering information. But even at first they were hesitant to say anything, hence why Y/N's mom had to reassure the snake that it was okay, & that all of this was only in Y/N's favor.

We know now that Kuroo is not the snake, because in chapter 21 Sakusa had a conversation with the real snake, & pinning Kuroo out to be the backstabber was all part of his plan to keep the real snake safe. So that means, Sora, & Akaashi are the only ones left.

Sora & Akaashi do not come from wealthy families. Sora makes a very comfortable living tho with her job as a bartender. Akaashi is being put through school by the financial support of Y/N's parents ( this was also a fact I mentioned in the introduction chapter back on my old blog. ) But Y/N does not know about her parents supporting Akaashi, the only one that knows that information is Bokuto.

With Akaashi being financially supported it would make sense for him to be the snake right? Because in return he's doing something for them. But Sora could also very well be the snake. Yes she hates how Y/N parents are treating her, & she wants Y/N to be happy. But there could be a chance that she's the snake because she just simply wants to be on Y/N's parents good side. & at the same time try to convince her parents that Suna is the best thing for her. Because the snake does tell Y/N's mom about how they think Y/N is happier when she's with Suna, & they try to get her mom to see that. Though her mom is a bit stubborn, but maybe that's also what the snake is trying to do. Hoping that the mom will back out of this plan Y/N's family has for her, & let her do what she wants.

You know get on their good side & then win their trust in order to save their friend. So that could be a possibility why the snake is Sora.

Sooo who is the real snake??? 👀👀

& lastly, I agree! Y/N definitely should've told Suna sooner. But in her defense, she was scared that he'd walk away after hearing how much of a complicated mess all of that is. Sure she told him about her parents & stuff like that, but in Y/N's mind that's nothing compared to being in an arranged engagement against your will. She was scared that Suna will leave before she figures out a way to get out of going public with the fake engagement. She was hoping she would figure out a plan that would get her out of it before Suna found out. But it all back fired :(

#thank you for taking your time to send this!!!#<333 #anon #asks #sm au: metamorphosis

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 3 years

Text

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Quest

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Keep in mind I’m writing this months after finishing the book lol (it’s mental illness innit). I have LOTS of notes to go off but yeah, things aren’t as fresh in my mind overall. With that said the biggest difference I can think of between my first and second experience with AQ is my feelings towards Kettricken. I think the first time around reading you know that Fitz is an unreliable narrator but you are still limited by his viewpoint so you can get a bit trapped seeing things the way he does. For this reason, I think I pretty much just forgave Kettricken when he did on my first read, whereas on this read I was like……. Waiting for her to actually apologise and show some sympathy towards Fitz and it just…. Never happened.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I still love Kettricken as a character and I fully recognise that she has been traumatised. I don’t expect her to be nice or act rationally, and in the case of being willing to take Nettle for the crown… It’s cold but she’s doing what she feels she has to. My issue is - do what you have to, but don’t expect Fitz to understand or forgive you (same with Starling). But I think what bothered me the most was how Kettricken would constantly confide in Fitz and break down to him and he was always there to let her do so, yet she NEVER gives Fitz the chance to do the same. The one time he does “open up” in a sense is when she forces him to air out his traumas in front of everyone, and she didn’t show him any sympathy for what he’d been through then or later. She has been through hell, absolutely, but while her plight may not have been any better than Fitz’s it certainly wasn’t any worse. She pretty much had two modes in this book: completely cold or a crying wreck - but she was only ever crying for herself. She lets Fitz console her but she never consoles him. Again, this is a result of her own trauma and I don’t expect her to act any differently, but it just reaffirmed for me that while she and Fitz care for each other deeply it is not an equal relationship. Fitz feels an obligation to serve her and she - knowingly or not - takes advantage of that. Like, after realising that this is their dynamic it is so obvious that the same is true in Royal Assassin as well, and it will be interesting to see how it changes (or doesn’t) in Tawny Man as I don’t remember it well enough to say.

Must reiterate: Kettricken is still a great character and I still have a lot of respect for her, unfortunately she just falls into the overfull camp of people who love Fitz but have an unhealthy power dynamic with him.

The other big difference I noticed was that the Verity stuff just wasn’t as devastating this time. Not because it was any less sad but it just didn’t tear out my heart like it did the first time. That’s not a fault with the writing at all, I think it’s just the fact that, knowing what would happen to Verity and that we wouldn’t see the real Verity again, I kind of already let go of him at the end of Royal Assassin.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

I guess more of a misinterpretation/wishful thinking but like, realising that there is no passage explicitly stating that Fitz and the Fool were actually spooning in the mountains murdered me and spat on my corpse.

Oh also!!! Fitz yeeting himself out the window at Tradeford castle jskaskjf

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

I love Kettle in general and the way we’re introduced to her as a cranky old lady sets her up perfectly

Favourite character arcs

Man they’re all so fucking sad lol but I guess the Fool? He goes from thinking Fitz is dead and his purpose failed to reuniting with Fitz, their relationship growing into something really real for the first time, and actually completing his mission - at least for now lol. This book is really the first time you get to see the Fool be properly vulnerable. Even when he was getting beaten up by Regal’s guards he always had his veneer of snark and superiority to hide behind - and I doubt when he went through his sicknesses at Buckkeep he would have revealed his weakness to anyone in order to be helped. But in the mountains he lets so much of that facade of the King’s Fool fall away - at least when it’s just him and Fitz. When he and Fitz meet again he lets Fitz see his grief and pain and hopelessness and joy as the Fool looks after Fitz, and then later when it’s the Fool who needs looking after he lets Fitz look after him. When was the last time the Fool had anyone really care for him like that, ya know? Had someone protect him purely out of love? Ouch dude!!!!

Also he gets to kiss Fitz at the end so good for him!!!!!!!!!! Be gay ride dragons!!

Favourite quote/s

“I would kill Regal. It only seemed fair. He had killed me first.”

“I had looked into the heart of my enemy. I still could not comprehend him.”

“The more I drank, the less tolerable my situation seemed. And the more intolerable I became to my friends.”

“I had never thought to be disdained by a tree.”

“The Fool, the Fool, only the Fool. I sought for him. I almost found him. Oh, he was passing strange, and surpassing strange. He darted and eluded me, like a bright gold carp in a weedy pool, like the motes that dance before one’s eyes after being dazzled by the sun. As well to clutch at the moon’s reflection in a still midnight pond as to seek a grip on that bright mind. I knew his beauty and his power in the briefest flashes of insight. In a moment I understood and marvelled at all that he was, and in the next I had forgotten that understanding.”

“When you can either laugh or cry, you might as well laugh.” - the Fool

Favourite relationships

Fitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolbahslbghabfhalgngjba

Also fitz and nighteyes (speaking of which, Nighteyes’ arc in this book is also fascinating and surprisingly complex) and Fitz/Nighteyes/Fool mwah magnifico chef’s kiss

Favourite setting

Kelsingra baybeyyy. I remember the first time reading this having no fucking clue what was happening in that chapter but I guess it was the gay agenda all along

Favourite chapter

It’s gotta be the chapter where Fitz and the Fool reunite, right? Catch me just gradually losing my grip on reality with every lingering stare

Most loved character

Foooooooooool

Most hated character

Ya know, for a minute I was actually wondering if I would like Starling this time round but yeah no lol. She was actually okay for a while but as soon as she sold Fitz/Nettle out she became The Worst, just as I remembered her. It’s not even because she betrays Fitz but because, like Kettricken, she expects Fitz to forgive her for it, to the point of running to tattle to the queen because Fitz isn’t giving her enough attention (I’m also not impressed with Kettricken for actually getting involved instead of just telling her to grow up). Not to mention her constantly misgendering/gendering (??) the Fool or just assuming the Fool’s gender and loudly fucking proclaiming it to everybody is just truly fucking disgusting. Like I cannot even explain how furious I was reading her incessantly using she/her pronouns for the Fool despite no confirmation that her theory is right or that the Fool is comfortable with this and despite EVERYONE ELSE using he/him pronouns. God I’m mad now lol. She just acts like a spoilt brat and it makes my blood boil. But that’s probably because I have known many people like this so… Good character writing lol congrats

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

The whole first chapter/s are just so heavy and carry on that gut wrenching feeling from the end of Royal Assassin. Fitz just has no real desire to live and watching him systematically severing the last few ties he has to his human life is just so sad.

Even though I wasn’t as attached to Verity this time, his goodbye to Fitz still made me cry

As did Fitz giving Kettle her skill back

Verity using Fitz’s body to have sex with Kettricken really got to me this time, mostly because I either didn’t notice the first time or had forgotten just how much it affects Fitz. It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to acknowledge Dutiful as his son when the event that brought that fact into being was so fucked up and traumatic. It’s really upsetting.

Burrich saying he almost took Fitz to Chivalry and he should have never let the Farseers take Fitz just …… breaks my heart. Just seeing Burrich so raw like that in general is so unusual it really takes you aback.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Strap in lads this part is lonnnngggggggg

Is it bad to immediately want to cry just from seeing “Sandsedge” on the map and thinking of Sandsedge brandy

I never really thought about how poor Hap didn’t get the real Fitz all those years and how their relationship could have been if Fitz hadn’t been partially forged

Pls I have no idea why but to picture someone as emotionally repressed as Fitz actually sitting down and writing about his life makes me want to fucking cryyyyeeeee

Fitz in the prologue talks about needing a purpose as something to distract himself from sinking [into his chronic pain, mental illness and addiction] and boy howdy if that ain’t relatable. As someone with mental illness and chronic pain Fitz is just painfully relatable way too often.

“I have never forgiven myself the triumph I ceded him when I took poison and died.” Fitz :(((( my guy :((((((( forgive yourself for surviving however you could baby!!!!!

This book mentions Bingtown providing slaves to Chalced

It’s so funny to me when people expect Fitz to have social skills as if he didn’t literally live as a fucking wolf for weeks at a time. It’s a miracle he bloody speaks

The state Fitz is in at the beginning of this book was literally Burrich’s greatest fear for him, yet Burrich doesn’t just say I told you so and leave. He stays, is patient and even optimistic.

“He (Burrich) is not bigger than I.” Why does this feel so wrong lol??? I just can’t picture Fitz as bigger than Burrich

“When you were younger and not supposed to go into taverns without me…” So it’s fine if the child goes into taverns and gets drunk as long as you’re also there. Got it, Burrich.

Fitz calling Chade “the grey one” wow get rekd old man river

Seeing Chade and Burrich interact is so bizarre

Fitz is still having seizures at the beginning of this book! I had forgotten that

God okay so idk if I can articulate this point super well but the whole thing of Fitz going through this extensive abuse and then essentially becoming an animal feels like a metaphor for the way your brain’s “higher” needs and functions just shut off sometimes under certain levels of stress. Like in order to cope with the trauma you don’t think about concepts, or long-term goals, or other people. You just take care of your basic needs - food, sleep, shelter, water - long enough that you start to feel safe and secure again, at which point your brain can open up a bit more and allow you to really think again; to want again, to plan again etc. Like obviously literally becoming an animal is a heightened version of reality, but the functionality of it is the same; our wounds and our fear stop us from fully embodying ourselves.

Burrich be like, Fitz was getting way too dependent on drugs before all this so let’s steer clear of those. :) LET’S GET HIM ABSOLUTELY SHITFACED INSTEAD

I love how Fitz has his own unique relationship with Lacey and she’s not just Patience’s servant in his mind

Fitz talking about how even his memories from before his time in the dungeons are soiled by his trauma :( baby boy

Dude it’s so rich Chade lecturing Fitz about not making a life for himself, having friends or just chilling out like???? WHO TRAINED HIM TO BE AN ASSASSIN CHADE?? Like I get your point but what the hell kind of life did you think he was gonna have? Who ever took the time to teach him the importance of making connections with people for their own sake, and when would he have ever had the time anyway? I think Chade himself doesn’t actually know what he expects from Fitz.

Fitz saying he’s bad at making decisions because he’s never actually been allowed to make any is literally a point I’ve made lol. This is what happens when you teach teenagers how to murder in lieu of any basic life skills.

Burrich + Chiv were luv at first sight. No I will not elaborate.

“We kept you a boy, looked after you too much.” Huh??????? Fitz was never fucking sheltered lol. He didn’t have autonomy. There’s a difference.

I’m so fucking glad Fitz hugged Burrich before he left and that they actually left off on okay-ish terms. I didn’t remember that and it vaguely dulls the blow of knowing we don’t see Burrich again til Fool’s Fate (and that he thinks Fitz is dead the entire time between now and then).

“If I shaved my hair back from my brow” bitch disgusting

“Honey was the older of the two women. Perhaps my age.” jskfjnajgbl my guy those aren’t women then those are children!!!!!! U freak

I was wondering for ages why Fitz doesn’t mention the Fool like literally at all bc that’s so unusual right? Even in Assassin’s Apprentice he thinks of him when he goes to Moonseye and just in general the Fool usually enters Fitz’s thoughts pretty frequently. So why now, when Fitz doesn’t even know if the Fool is okay, is he just not thinking about him? And then I realised that that is exactly why. Because the only two people from his old life he doesn’t think about are the two people whose fates he knows nothing of: Kettricken and the Fool. So he can let his mind wander to think what Patience and Lacey might be up to at Buckkeep, or who Molly is with or whatever, because he knows they are all safe. But in such a fragile state I don’t think he can bring himself to really wonder whether Kettricken and the Fool made it to their destination - he probably doesn’t really believe they could have, and that is far too painful a road to go down when you are trying not to think at all.

I know the first act of this book is slow and that bothers some people, but I think it is so necessary, not only for Fitz’s arc but also because it really demonstrates just how severe the situation has gotten with the red ships and forged ones AND it shows just how destructive a king Regal is. Without this perspective it would probably be much harder to buy that the extreme measures taken at the end of the book are really worth the sacrifice.

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit A: when Honey is coming onto him, all he can think about is Molly.

Fitz is so scared of the Forged ones :( his trauma affects everything. He has no faith in himself and less heart for the violence than ever.

Speaking of trauma metaphors: the way Fitz tends to drift off into the wit or Skill after a traumatic experience is… pretty much just dissociation but magique

I forgot that witted folk can apparently communicate with each other mentally, not just with animals

“Her head was the size of a bushel basket.” Ah, yes, a bushel basket, a thing whose size we are all intimately familiar with.

Fitz finally finds others like him and even then he is not fully accepted. Told he is doing the wit wrong. Othered by the Others. It’s the queer experience innit.

Also forgot that apparently the forged are attracted to the wit as well as the Skill?

“I wondered if I had as many wolf mannerisms as they had halk and bear.” Yeah no probably not you only bloody LIVED as a wolf, Fitz.

Okay I know it doesn’t need saying but Patience is just so fucking cool!!!!!

Jesus fucking christ, Fitz skilling out to Molly when he knows Will knows he’s alive and is looking for him is just… so dumb. So so dumb. I know he’s just fixating on her because he’s miserable and she’s like this unsullied thing he had before everything went wrong but holy moly is it frustrating

Not to mention he doesn’t connect the dots between the fact that Burrich went to “help a friend” and every time he reaches out for Molly he sees Burrich sajkdbshkhja dude

Nighteyes leaving just goes to show that Fitz cannot rely solely on Nighteyes for companionship. No matter how innately the same they are they are equally as innately different. Fitz needs Nighteyes but he shouldn’t have JUST Nighteyes (which is why he, Nighteyes and the Fool are the holy trinity). When Nighteyes leaves, Fitz is in way too fragile a state to be left alone, but Nighteyes cannot think of the future or what might happen. All he knows is he’ll be back at some point and that’s all that matters.

“My anger fed my competence” whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie

I think I had blocked out the fact the Regal was keeping animals trapped in filthy cages so they could ravage people in the king’s circle uggggghhhhhhhhh I hate him

Fitz is down on himself saying that without Shrewd’s largesse, Chade’s information and Verity’s protection his idea of himself has been stripped away and that he’s not actually competent etc. but like. This is an extreme situation!! You’re literally alone in the wilderness with nothing and no one!! Who would thrive in this situation? And nobody gets by without help anyway! The people in our lives do define us to an extent. You don’t have to be able to stand 100% on your own at all times with zero resources to be considered capable. It’s human to depend on others. Yes I am chiding myself as much as Fitz here :))))

Burrich’s earring is the repressed gay earring. No I will not elaborate.

Fitz refusing to sell Burrich’s earring is frustrating yet something I would 100% do lol

Direct from my notes: Celery hiding out in caves?? Bad bitch

“I felt I was within the flames looking deeply into the Fool’s eyes” um okay gay

It’s actually surprising that Fitz admits he would not have gone after Molly even if he had known she was pregnant when she left. On one hand so self aware yet this doesn’t stop him from completely idealising their relationship.

And then you have Molly who says he was supposed to come after her “so she could forgive him”, that he was supposed to be the one to light the candles for her childbirth etc. The fact that she in any way thought he was mature enough to be a father just shows how little they really knew each other.

Burrich treating Molly like a horse while delivering Nettle is way funnier than it has a right to be jskakjasd makes me think of Dwight treating Phyllis’ back injury in The Office lol

The first thing Burrich notices about Nettle is that she has Chivalry’s brow are you fucking kidding me. Gay!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit B: He had no interest in Tassin whatsoever until she literally started kissing him. At this point his body reacted, which is normal, but as soon as he got a second to actually think about it he stopped, because for him it would not be satisfying to sleep with someone he didn’t have feelings for.

“It seemed to take years for the dried beans and lentils to soften.” Okay mood

I love how Fitz just assumes Molly will take him back. “I have a woman and child awaiting me.” Says who bitch?

Small ferret? More like big legend

Ya know, we give Fitz so much shit but honestly with so much physical, mental and emotional stress on this journey how can we expect his mental faculties to be at 100%? I wouldn’t be making good decisions either, in fact I would be long dead.

Starling telling Nik that the earring once belonged to Chivalry is truly a smooth brain move

“Do not fear, little brother, I am here to take care of you again.” Words can’t explain how much I love Nighteyes and how often his dialogue makes me smile :’)

It’s so cute how Nighteyes is worried about Molly and Nettle until he knows that Burrich is taking care of them

It’s really interesting when Fitz claims “I’d rather be with Molly even if it meant rocking a crying baby in the middle of the night” because, well, he’s literally made other claims to the contrary, saying he wouldn’t have gone with her even if he’d known she was pregnant. Because at the end of the day as much as Fitz is compelled by others to do work for the greater good, I think deep down a lot of the time it is what he would do anyway. Like I really don’t think he could actually enjoy being with Molly knowing that the world is burning down around them. He would want to get out there and help somehow; not only to secure their own future but to reduce other people’s suffering as well. He’s an empathetic boy even though he’d like to be selfish.

Every time Fitz calls Molly his wife I lose ten years off my life

Again, I understand why he’s thinking like this, but Fitz’s ownership of Molly is just so uncomfortable. The fact that he can’t imagine her not having a place ready and waiting for him in her life when he returns just illustrates that she is not a fully realised person to him. She is just a comforting idea.

Oh yes, it was definitely Starling’s “pillowtalk” that got you captured and not the fact that you fit the exact description of the witted bastard right down to having Chivalry’s earring and a whole ass wolf

Somehow forgot that Jhaampe is basically a city of tents with only a few permanent buildings and people constantly coming and going

Fitz’s first words to the Fool are “I’ve come to you.” I’m gonna fucking die

Literally every single word from the moment Fitz realises it’s the Fool and starts describing him is a full body assault and personal attack I am seeking reparations

God the tenderness, the angst, the relief……… shall i pass away

“I doubted he was much taller, but his body was no longer a child’s.” My dude this is a gay awakening if I ever saw one

Fitz be like *spends 87 pages describing the Fool in painstaking detail* anyway I love being a heterosexual male

I’ve heard ppl cite Fitz’s descriptions of Kettricken as evidence of a crush (hard disagree) but literally nothingggggg even comes close to the way he describes the Fool. Not just this once but over and over again it’s insane.

“Talk fell off between us. The bottle of brandy was empty. We were reduced to silence, staring at one another drunkenly.” skjakfnajghajgnaLNGJ is it gay to silently gaze into thine homie’s eyes

The Fool protecting Fitz from everyone - especially Starling - in Jhaampe is often hilarious and always heartwarming

Realising Fitz was skinny enough for the Fool to lift on his own ahhh no wonder he said the famous “When I recall how beautiful you were” line, Fitz is a total wreck

I love that the Fool actually gives Chade shit for his plan to take Nettle. I love him.

“Too few folk cared for me. I could not hate a single one of them.” Oh, Fitz :(

I always wonder how the Fool really feels about Molly. Is he jealous? Does he compare himself to this woman Fitz idolises and he doesn’t know? Does he know that Fitz is barking up the wrong tree or is he stuck thinking Molly must really be Fitz’s soulmate since he won’t shut up about how much he loves her and can’t wait to get back to her? He just never really lets on how it makes him feel when Fitz has relationships with women. We know Fitz gets jealous of the Fool (for litch rally like no reason lol), so with the Fool being much more honest with himself/in general about his love for Fitz and having much more legitimate reason to be jealous, is he? Or is it just something he’s made his peace with, that these women give Fitz something that he cannot? Is he okay with that cos he has to be or does he have a different, less monogamous view of love and relationships (he does have three parents after all). I dunnoooo dude I just have so many questions. Like obviously - OBVIOUSLY - if Fitz and the Fool didn’t have romantic feelings for each other before, there is no doubting that romantic feelings appeared the moment Fitz appeared in the Fool’s hut. Fitz won’t admit that but mere chapters later the Fool is talking about how he loves Fitz in every way so like. He knows. So how does he feel when Fitz is calling out for Molly in his sleep, or openly speaking of seeking her out when all this is over, and lying to the Fool to protect Molly and his daughter. Really makes u think!!!!

Fitz reuniting with Sooty and going to see her every day in Jhaampe is so cuuuute and made me so happy. Sooty is a good girl :’)

Fitz be like *leans against the table where the Fool is carving and watches his fingers at work like a true repressed gay*

Verity is literally so strong???? He submerged himself in skill and was able to pull himself back from the stream can u imagine? Go off king!

Bro I literally can’t with the Fool mentioning Jofron so casually and Fitz immediately thinking wow oh my god they’re definitely fucking oh my god the Fool has a girlfriend - Fitz sweetie calm down

I love how Fitz and the Fool just naturally walk together :))) and Nighteyes babysitting Kettle is so cute

Molly never once says that she misses Fitz. She says she always expected him to do the right thing, to come after her and not leave her alone with a child. But she doesn’t look back on their time together fondly or have much positive to say about him as a person. And all that is fair, but it’s also just… Not really the behaviour of someone who’s been separated from their soulmate. It’s more just someone who’s been left in a shitty position by someone they cared about but hardly knew.

Fitz asking the Fool what is between him and Starling when they’re literally just being civil is sooooo fucking funny. Not everyone finds the Fool as irresistible as you do, Fitz.

The Fool just casually finding a pretext to call Fitz the light of his life

Fitz telling Kettricken firmly that he will not travel if the Fool is ill is one of the only times he ever puts his foot down with her GEE I WONDER WHY

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again…… there really do be something about the way Fitz can’t meet the Fool’s eyes………. It’s not like they’re weird and colourless anymore like they used to be!!!

The Fool already talking about Clerres in this book!

Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes playing in the stream is too fucking pure omg, it’s what they deserve

And then Starling has to bloody ruin it bc she’s homophobique

But seriously, Fitz actually lets go for the first time in ages and has a nice evening only for Starling to go tattling to Kettricken, and Kettricken having the gall to confront Fitz about it. And then Fitz solves the problem by saying he doesn’t disdain her when like!! He has every right to!!!! She sold him out, sold his daughter out. She never even apologised but instead has just been totally petty and self-righteous and stirring up trouble amongst the group. She hasn’t earned or even asked for his forgiveness. So fitting that she’s the one constantly judging Fitz for his relationship with Lord Golden in Tawny Man lol, she just cannot let Fitz and the Fool be the queer icons they are!!!

Verrrrrrrrrrry interesting that Fitz only “suddenly missed the human warmth and comfort” of Starling taking his arm or sleeping against him literally IMMEDIATELY after the plumbing and love confrontation with the Fool. I mean he has been doing all of those things with the Fool (sleeping together, walking arm in arm etc.) so it’s not about human touch at all, it’s about convincing himself that a WOMAN’S touch is somehow inherently different.

He does the same thing with Starling as with Kettricken. She technically apologises but it’s not sincere and that’s not why he forgives her. Same as Kettricken, she tells her sob story and he can’t hold onto his anger. It makes sense, but it’s just very toxic. It would be nice if at least one person would really recognise how much they’ve hurt Fitz and really, genuinely want to atone for it, or apologise without expecting forgiveness. The onus should not be on Fitz to forgive Starling but on Starling to grow up and not need Fitz to like her in order to remain civil and do what they have to. Also “I do not find your wit bond offensive” has the same energy as someone telling you out of nowhere like “It’s fine that you’re gay :)” like wow thank u?? lol

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit C: “I wanted her with a desperation that had nothing to do with love, and even, I believe, little to do with lust.”

“By his love he is betrayed, and his love betrayed also.” So fate agrees with me, Fitz and the Fool are in love? :)

Anytime the potential that Fitz might have to choose between Molly and Nighteyes I lose brain cells. That’s ur brother Fitz!!! It’s not even a choice!! How dare u

It’s just sooooo intentionally laid out for us in this book that Fitz’s relationship with Molly really wasn’t good or healthy and that his fixation on it is misguided, and I think that’s why I struggled sooooo hard with the ending of Fool’s Fate, because it kind of implied the exact opposite. I’m hoping on this reread I will pick up on it being laid out as a result of Fitz getting his memories/teen feelings back rather than it just feeling like a lowkey retcon, but I guess we’ll see lol

“I felt I was a bit in love with him, you know. That sort of lift to the heart.” the confirmation that the Fool KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE sends me deep into the swamps goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee

“The one who loves him best will betray him most foully.” So fate agrees, the Fool loves Fitz best :)

“You do love me! … Before, it was words. I always feared it was born out of pity.” Godddddd Foooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything about Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes meeting in the skill for the first time is just truly perfect iconic unparalleled.

Fitz’s love for Verity hurts my heart so much. Just think of the relationship they could have had if they weren’t stupid royals.

Kettle’s whole speech about Fitz and Molly… Just yes to every word.

Look I’m just gonna say it… The way Burrich reacts to Molly’s advances … like I know it’s probably not intentional but it just reads as very much fitting in with my headcanon that he is gay. As soon as she makes it clear she wants to sleep with him he like leaps across the room lol. I do believe he cares for her and loves her in his way, but it does feel mostly like he’ll just do whatever he needs to to care for her and the baby. Sowwy

I wonder why the Fool wasn’t as affected by his giving up of memories to Girl-on-a-Dragon?? Or was he, and he just gets them back before we see him again in Tawny Man?

“Take my hurt that I never knew my father, take my hours of staring up at his portrait when the great hall was empty and I could do so alone.” um this is so fucking sad

It was the Fool who sent Starling to find Fitz after Verity uses his body and again I have to ask, wtf is going on in your mind, Fool!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit D: Even once he actually sleeps with Starling he has no enthusiasm about it, he just kind of goes along with it, likely to prove to himself that he has really let go of his past/Molly.

I always wonder why the Fool leaves now. Is it because he thinks their work is done and doesn’t want to risk messing things up by hanging around his catalyst like at the end of Tawny Man? Does he intend to come back and find Fitz again but get sidetracked by a lead or a new dream? Like it’s just weird because at first he was like “Prophet and Catalyst stick together” and was gonna stay with Fitz - or was that just an excuse because he was obsessed with Girl-on-a-Dragon? Fool u spicy lil enigma

It’s blood and the wit that wakes the stone dragons so does that mean King Wisdom was witted? Or is that obvious lol

Fitz isn’t even bothered by the Fool’s kiss, just shocked. I am looking.

Patience shouting orders at Verity-as-Dragon is beautiful ksjjk

Of courrrrrssse Burrich names his first son Chivalry

In the epilogue, the Fool is the only one Fitz actually says he misses. Exquisite.

I know some people have an issue with Regal’s death but personally I find it delicious

Okay that’s all (I say as if this wasn’t 139841989 pages long). See y’all in 92 years when my sister finally starts reading Liveship!

#realm of the elderlings #realm of the quarantine #assassin's quest #long post #fitz and the fool #Fitzchivalry Farseer #rote #ehhh idk what else to tag lol #if u read all this congrats and i'm sorry

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