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weirdmageddon · 3 years

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my rheumatologist has done more for me towards getting a POTS diagnosis than my cardiologist thats kinda sad bro

i came in to the cardiologist the other day (finally after waiting MONTHS) hoping for a tilt table test to see how my heart rate and blood pressure react to orthostasis in a controlled setting. the doctor didnt actually do a thing to test me for it in-office, i was just told to schedule an echo (which is fine), holster (alright) and stress test (why). but i was also prescribed eastern medicine as a treatment....“superbrain yoga”? like i dont want to seem closeminded because she is an indian doctor and there are some things that western medicine hasn’t caught on to but i realy wish i was told why it is supposed to work. like i want to know physiologically how and why it supposedly works. get technical and mechanical with me bro i have le autism, thats my language if you wanna really convince me. if it’s about toning up the muscles in my legs to squeeze the blood into my core upon standing why dont i just do squats? why do i have to do all this really specific stuff like hold my tongue at the roof of my mouth and face east, crossing my arms (right arm must go over left) and maneuver my hands in a certain way to grab my earlobes while doing those squats? is that merely a concentration sort of thing to make your brain focus? if so, why not just let me know what the purpose to these specific movements are (and what does focusing my brain have to do with treating POTS symptoms anyway)?? i’m not a spiritual person so the spiritual aspects of it do nothing for me. but at least i wasn’t given intensive aerobic exercise because i cant do that lol. i was just prescribed core strength training with planks and crunches (fine with me) and “superbrain yoga” (the specifics still confuse me but i’m doing it anyway)

but i didnt even get a tilt table test while i was there, i asked about it and she said “we stopped doing tilt table tests a while ago” and i was like ????????? thats like the gold standard to test for POTS my guy. based on just my symptoms she said i had dysautonomia and i asked “what about POTS?” and she said “it could be” and i was like ? could be? bro you didnt even test for it?

the whole visit just felt really vague and dismissive to my issues (yet again). fucking even my rheumatologist said before this visit to the cardiologist that i “probably have POTS”

so when i left the cardiologist the other day i wrote this up because i was very upset, felt dismissed, and took matters into my own hands to show what kind of medical concepts i’m capable of comprehending and the kind of language i want doctors to talk to me about my conditions in. and today i read it to my rheumatologist during today’s appointment:

the cardiologist says i have dysautonomia, “caused by dysfunction of the small blood vessels”. in the clinic, the nurse measured my laying vs standing blood pressure (which increased rather than decreased) but they didn’t do my heart rate there for some reason. but on my own i’ve measured my heart rate to jump above 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, so with all the symptoms lining up exactly with what’s expected of POTS (heart rate increase greater than 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, no drop in blood pressure, lightheadedness, brain fog, palpitations, prolonged fatigue, heat intolerance, excessive sweating etc), i’m convinced that the type of dysautonomia i specifically have is POTS, not just the umbrella term “dysautonomia”, and the specific brand of POTS i have is the neuropathic POTS subtype which is thought to be caused by sympathetic denervation (partial autonomic neuropathy) in the lower extremities. this causes the blood vessels in my legs not to constrict as they should when standing, which in turn causes blood to pool in the legs and not return to the heart, causing the heart to have to source its blood supply from elsewhere in the meantime to compensate (with an overall lower venous return), driving up the heart rate and causing lightheadedness. my blood tests also showed i am also very slightly anemic by 0.1 point below the normal range (11.6 g/dL) the resulting denervation hypersensitivity from the sympathetic denervation what is thought to cause erythromelalgia—which i express all the hallmark symptoms of as well in my feet (redness, increased skin temperature, burning sensation (feels like walking on a hot pool deck), cold to touch and bluish purple when not actively flaring, flaring occurs at night, symptoms worsen with exposure to heat and exercise (including walking on feet while flaring) and are relieved with cooling and elevation). i have no response to the cold unlike with what is seen in raynauds. i actually consider cold exposure my savior; the heat is my worst enemy, it makes me feel faint and lightheaded dysautonomia-wise and it makes my feet flare up rheumatologically.

“Several previous investigations have provided clues that patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome have peripheral autonomic dysfunction. Streeten et al. found that patients with orthostatic tachycardia had excessive venous pooling in the legs while standing and suggested that denervation of the legs was a mechanism of the syndrome. This hypothesis was supported by the finding of hypersensitivity to infusion of norepinephrine into the veins of the foot, despite high plasma catecholamine concentrations. [...] These stimuli increased norepinephrine spillover in the arms of both the patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome and the normal subjects, with similar increases in the two groups, but failed to increase norepinephrine spillover in the legs of the patients. [...] The reduced clearance of norepinephrine in the legs, without a similar reduction in the arms, may result from impairment of norepinephrine-reuptake mechanisms due to isolated damage to nerve terminals in the legs. [...] CONCLUSIONS: The neuropathic postural tachycardia syndrome results from partial sympathetic denervation, especially in the legs.” — (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM200010053431404)

“The laser Doppler flowmetry signal after sympathetic stimulation of reflexes mediated through the central nervous system, was significantly diminished in patients with erythromelalgia as compared with healthy controls. [...] Vasoconstrictor responses involving central sympathetic reflexes were attenuated in erythromelalgia. Local neurogenic vasoconstrictor regulation, vasodilator response to local heating and hyperemic response to ischemia were maintained. [...] The finding of reduced skin perfusion before provocation is in accordance with the clinical observations that many erythromelalgia patients exhibit cold acral skin between attacks. [...] These results indicate that postganglionic sympathetic dysfunction and denervation hypersensitivity may play a pathogenetic role in primary erythromelalgia.” — (https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0022-202X(15)41629-X)

“Denervation hypersensitivity is a phenomenon peculiar to smooth muscle innervated by the general visceral efferent system. Following denervation there is increased sensitivity of the muscle to neurotransmitters. This is evident in smooth muscle innervated by sympathetic neurons when the postganglionic axon is affected. Such denervated muscle shows hypersensitivity to the application of epinephrine or to circulating epinephrine released during excitement.” — (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780721605616500198)

although my rheumatologist is in no position to give me a POTS diagnosis she very much agreed with the connections i made and said she thinks i am right on the mark with my conditions. she told me im a real academic patient and even that i’d be well suited for going into medicine lol. not only is it refreshing to have a doctor that doesn’t disregard their patient’s knowledge, but it’s good to see what i’ve learned about nerves from my biopsych classes (and in my own time for funsies) paying off in ways concerning my health. my mom who is a nurse also agrees that neuropathic POTS and erythromelalgia are what i have.

anyway the POTS symptoms have been a massive thing for me since puberty and the erythromelalgia developed a year or so after my POTS symptoms started. but i’ve always had freezing cold clammy hands and feet since i was a young child, they just hadn’t started changing colors and flaring until after i hit puberty. i’m not sure what destroyed the sympathetic nerve fibers in my legs (as most POTS happens in teenagers due to some viral illness but i’ve never had that?), i was also just tested for a bunch of autoimmune factors and disorders and my results came back negative. maybe it’s just a genetic factor, who knows, probably something caused by a hormone’s cascading effect gone awry at some point. it seems a lot of autistic afab people have POTS or some other type of dysautonomia for some reason and i’m curious as to why.

anyway i’m really stuck in a liminal space because i have no official diagnosis beyond “dysautonomia” but i’ve been sure of what it is for like over a year and it keeps getting clearer and clearer that i was right all along

#pots #dysautonomia #erythromelalgia #chronic illness

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songfell-ut · 4 years

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Chapter 7: more talking

But it’s important talking! Clues are not gotten! A proposition is proposed! And damn, does SpellCheck not like Sans’ dialogue. D:

Chapter link here, hi @lostmypotatoes

When they strolled up to the chapel entrance, the captain on duty was the very one who had been in charge of Sans' cell the day they met. He was discussing the fireworks with one of his subordinates, who looked over the captain's shoulder and got very, very quiet. The skeleton took a great deal of pleasure in waiting for him to turn around, then saying, "Well, hey there. Don't I know ya from somewhere?"

The captain was ready to have a conniption until he spotted Frisk: Sans was leaning far sideways, and she was standing almost on tiptoe, holding the crook of his elbow so that he was escorting her like a proper gentleman. "Your Eminence!" the captain gasped. He looked back and forth between them, hand on his sword hilt. "My lady, where have you been? Has this creature done something to you?"

"He saved me from being ill in front of half the kingdom," Frisk said coolly. "I am fine now, Captain, thanks to his timely intervention. Has the benediction been performed yet?"

"Uh...no, my lady, but—"

"Then I will do so." With her head held high, the High Priestess led the skeleton past the guards and straight into the chapel.

Unsurprisingly, their entrance caused quite a stir. The last verse of the last hymn was starting, and as the pair approached the altar, Frisk signaled for the choir to keep going. The congregation watched, stunned, as Frisk took Sans with her through the ring of guardsmen and stood to one side at the front of the chapel, waiting for the music to end.

She hadn't planned on this, but she wouldn't have done it any differently; it was impossible not to smirk a little. The boss monster must have felt the same way, because he bent down to say, under the cover of song, "Didn't think I'd get t'walk ya down the aisle today."

"You do know that a girl's father does that for her, not the groom?" she murmured back, and Sans looked so chagrined that she snrrked again.

The hymn came to a close, and Frisk moved up to read the benediction. She tried to put her facade back on, but she couldn't help smiling; when she formally ended the service, there was more applause than she'd ever heard.

Though the guards prevented anyone from coming up to the altar, she reclaimed Sans and, ignoring all attempts to stop her, went to stand in the back of the chapel to speak with people as they left. Sure enough, despite the presence of her massive escort, there was such a traffic jam around her that Frisk ended up having to move outside the entrance.

Of course, amidst the compliments and well-wishes came several questions about her absence from the middle of the ceremony; enough people knew about Sans' abilities to ask if they'd really seen a woman and/or men vanish from the congregation, and why the people sitting near them had been taken away quietly by armed guards.

Frisk made a quick guess as to what had happened, and that the woman and/or men's families were the ones talking loudly to the guards in the next room. She told the questioner that extraordinary measures had been necessary for everyone's safety, and certain persons had had to be taken into immediate custody—no one had been spirited away to never be seen again, and no one would be, which her listeners seemed willing to believe.

It was also a matter of great speculation why someone would trouble themselves to put on a fireworks display in full daylight, and a time when everyone was in church and wouldn't see them. Luckily, the consensus was that it had been a mistake, and Frisk could feign ignorance along with her parishioners.

More cute, but problematic, was the custom of children offering her little tokens like flowers and ribbons on their way out. There were no pockets in her wretched dress, so her hands filled up quickly, and she could only tuck so many golden flowers behind her ears. On impulse, Frisk started winding the ribbons around Sans' arms instead and tying the flowers on; seeing that Sans was not killing or eating her, the children soon began ignoring the priestess and going straight to the skeleton, decorating his legs and poking flower stems through his wristbones.

Throughout this ordeal, Sans had no idea what to do, so he opted to stand there, expressionless, and do nothing. This happened to be the least threatening and therefore correct option; Frisk checked frequently on the crowd's reactions, but after the first few minutes, no one was frightened at all. Parents were even bowing to Sans and mouthing "Thank you" up at him as they reclaimed their delighted offspring.

The priestess had been sure to speak loud enough for the nearby guardsmen and any curious bystanders to hear, and when it was time to step away from the crowd and confer with His Holiness privately, she didn't have to repeat herself much. That was when she learned that magically infused items had been brought into the chapel in lieu of daggers or crossbows, and how Sans – still bedecked in flowers as he gravely related these particulars – had used his teleportation to thwart their efforts; the three suspects' friends and families had already been escorted upstairs for further questioning.

This last fact turned out to be a slight problem. Frisk had thought the "fireworks" would be easy to trace to anyone who had left the chapel in a hurry a few minutes after her hymn, but it seemed several people had been escorted out for questioning at the same time. Many of them had been loud or troublesome enough for someone to have followed the group out and slipped away without notice.

"Pity. Overall, a job well done, sir," the Cardinal told Sans, and gave the guard captain a look that forced the poor man to say through gritted teeth, "Indeed, sir. Thank you for your service."

"Thank you, Your Holiness. We'll take our leave, then," Frisk said smoothly, giving Sans the slightest tap with her foot. "A Happy All Souls Day to each of you."

Sans mumbled something similar, and with a couple of bows, they were free to go. The priestess was starving, but the second they got back to the workroom, she shuffled at top speed to her dressing room, slammed the door, and peeled the gown off as fast as she could. Her sigh of freedom was so exaggerated and yet genuine that she heard Sans mutter, "Guess it was good fer you, too," which made her laugh till she had to sit down amidst her shoes and catch her breath.

It was strange; by unspoken agreement, neither mentioned their embrace in the hallway, but as she came out in her loosest, oldest dress and they sat down to breakfast, the silence was completely comfortable. They each ate a small pile of soul cakes, some eggs, and then more soul cakes, not stopping until they ran out of milk and Sans finally allowed her to take the basket away.

They sat around for a few minutes afterward, half asleep, with the boss monster lost in thought as he picked flowers off his arms; she knew it was serious when he began shifting around and tapping his heels on the floor. "Hey, Frisk?" He twisted a couple of flower stems together. "How do ya go about gettin' a list of what human's got what monster? It's a Church thing, right?"

Frisk had been sitting cross-legged on the floor to unwind the ribbons around his legs, and stood up slowly to place a handful on the table. She'd known this conversation would have to happen sooner or later, but why did it have to spoil such a nice, quiet moment? "Is there a specific reason you want to know?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah. One of the people after you was gonna use an ice spell she got from a monster named Snowdrake. The magic felt pretty fresh, not like they drained 'im already and jus' used it now. I figured he must still be alive."

The priestess sat down beside him and picked up another golden flower. "I'm going to be honest with you, Sans, and in return, I ask that you not get too angry with me." He nodded without looking at her, and she continued, "I already asked the Cardinal for those exact records, back when we met him and the King. I am deeply sorry for my phrasing, but I said 'a specific class of goods' because I wanted to be circumspect in front of you. I didn't know what you would say if I asked for a list of all the monsters registered as slaves. It is indeed 'a Church thing,' I am disgusted to say. Again, I apologize for—"

"Nah, you were right, I'd'a gone nuts. Ya don't hafta be so stiff about it. I know ya don't actually think of us as stuff ta buy and sell."

The words were mature enough, but Frisk didn't like the look on his face. "I suppose it's time we had a real talk about this," she said. "I've been thinking it over for years, and I have an idea of what we can do to put an end to the monsters' slavery. Will you hear me out?" He wouldn't answer, and Frisk tugged at his sleeve. "Please, Sans."

The giant skeleton flicked at the pile of flowers, sending them flying across the tabletop and onto the floor. "Fine," he growled. "Talk."

"All right. First, I don't know if you know the exact legalities, so: it is technically against the law to go to the border with the Underground, find a monster, and bring said monster back here to be sold, but it's rarely enforced, and it is legal to sell, buy, or own them. It's definitely a crime to buy or own a monster without registering him or her and paying the proper taxes, and the Church enforces it very strictly. ...Sans, I'm not saying any of this to upset you. I have to be sure you know exactly what we're fighting, and that if you charge out and start liberating monsters, you're going to make everything a thousand times worse. May I explain why?"

His teeth were gnashing so hard that it sounded like metal on metal, not bone. "I am tryin' very hard ta be good right now, kid. Ya better get to the friggin' point soon."

"Very well. The point is that if you decide to free any or all of the monsters and you kill a human in the process, not only will you go from an emissary to a wanted criminal, you'll reinforce everyone's fears about monsters being dangerous, even the people who left church today thinking that skeletons may not be evil after all. That much fear could very well push the King to declare war."

No reaction. Frisk stopped to pour herself some water, but she was thinking so hard that she just stared at it while she said, "I wouldn't be able to stop them from sealing the Underground and forcing every single monster in it to choose between slavery and starvation. And if you think you could use your magic to free monsters without killing anyone, don't. They'd figure out it was you, and you'd be banished at the very least. Meanwhile, I'd be stripped of my title, forced to pay double the full value of each monster, and imprisoned."

That made him sit back a little, but Frisk was not done by a long shot. "Now, if I thought that money would make the problem go away, I would've done it a long time ago—but no. If I were to buy every monster in the kingdom, it wouldn't stop anyone from going out to get new ones. In fact, it would drive prices so high that humans would be racing to set up camp in the no-man's-land and raid the Underground itself for more slaves. They wouldn't care what the law says. They'd be making more than enough to just pay the fines, or be so numerous that the King couldn't arrest them all. If you tried to fight them off, they'd kill any monsters who attacked them, claim self-defense, and get away with it. No one would stop them because we've gotten so dependent on magic, and right now, humans still think monsters are—"

"Shit on a brick! Fine! I get it. You're right. Yer totally goddamn right." Sans' head sank between his elbows, cheek grating on the table. "So, we play nice 'n let everyone see how cuddly I am, an' a few hundred years from now, humans might like monsters enough ta feed us every single day?"

"I'm getting to that, Sans. By law, monsters must be provided adequate food, water, and shelter, and any accommodations their unique biology may require. They're also not supposed to be used to commit crimes. If someone used Snowdrake's magic to fashion illegal weapons, I can have him confiscated and placed in my custody, and I'll register his new location as a house I own on the outskirts of the city. How long would it take you to make one round trip from here to the house and the Underground, and back? Could you do it, say, overnight?"

"Hmm. Yeah, it'd just take a lot outta me." Frisk couldn't help noting that he now considered it a given he'd be coming right back, and allowed herself to be very happy for a moment before he went on, "With Snowdrake, G—the doctor already told 'em to find whoever took his magic for that spell. So that's already happenin', which just leaves...how many monsters are there here?"

"I don't know the exact total offhand. I promise to show you the records as soon as the Cardinal gives them to me, if you promise you won't use them to do anything rash, which I define as 'anything you know Frisk does not want you to do.' For the immediate future, the best plan of action would be to check the conditions each one is being kept in and see if we can legally take any more of them. We'd need to do it before word gets out and everyone suddenly starts behaving perfectly—that's what usually happens when I try to order surprise inspections."

"Great, but when can we get started on makin' this shit illegal t'begin with?"

"When we have enough political support. We need people to feel that it's wrong to keep monsters like animals, even if they're well-treated, and we also have to be prepared when they ask, 'But where will we get our magic?' Part of the answer will be the natural power sources you and the doctor are working on now, which he should be able to formally present to the King before you leave. But also..." She trailed off, her throat closing up with sudden nervousness.

Sans lifted a hand. "What? Spit it out."

Frisk's heart was pounding. She knew Sans wouldn't like this part, but if she couldn't convince him, the entire plan was sunk. How to begin?

Something occurred to her, and without thinking hard enough, she said, "I'm sorry for the comparison, but it reminds me of Luke and his birds." He stiffened, and she hastened to add, "Don't get me wrong—monsters are not pets, and I'm not suggesting you stay confined in any way, but it's a valid example of working within the constraints of supply and demand. If we can't eliminate the demand for magic, we need to supply it without exploiting monsters, and we have to make it as painless a transition as we can. In this case, not only do we work on wind and solar generation, we..." A deep breath, almost a gulp. "...have monsters give magic voluntarily. You could sell it to us, or perhaps trade it as part of a peace agreement, or for food, until we learn to make enough for ourselves. Partners, not slaves."

Sans didn't move. "...Partners?"

One word, nothing more. Frisk's heart sped up until she felt sick. The boss monster was sitting stock-still, but the air around him started to turn faintly red, smelling like heat lightning. Frisk made herself say, "You hate humans. I know that. I won't claim to know exactly what you're feeling, but I—"

"Ya couldn'a picked a worse monster fer this. Ya know that?" The skeleton turned his head, and Frisk flinched: his right socket was blank, and the left was solid crimson, the same color as his blaster the day he'd been prepared to kill her and all the guards in his prison cell. "Lemme tell ya somethin', kid. I'll admit that you've been treatin' me right, and I don't mind bein' cutesy 'n nice once in a while if it'll make other monsters safer." His fist slammed into the solid oak tabletop, leaving a dent. "But I'll be fucked in the eye 'fore I go back ta Asgore and say, 'Hey, maybe they'll quit squeezin' us out like jelly rolls and leavin' us to scream ourselves inta dust, we just hafta promise we'll be good helpers!' Are ya kidding me, Frisk? This whole time, you've been plannin' to end slavery by gettin' us ta whore ourselves out instead?!"

The priestess' ears were ringing. She hadn't seen or felt him this angry since the day they met. Should she back off, try to placate him, and wait to bring it up again later—maybe shelve it entirely till she could talk with another monster?

No. She knew Sans. If she left things like this – especially if she apologized for proposing it – she'd be all but telling him that he was right to be angry with her, and he wouldn't have to face the possibility that he was unfairly pointing a lifetime of hatred in her direction. Not only would that gall her on a personal level, it'd unbalance him even further, maybe to the point where she couldn't reach him anymore. Nice, quiet moments were all well and good, but she had to be able to talk to him about difficult things, not just chess and stupid jokes!

Frisk pressed her lips together, burning with determination. She turned to face the boss monster, though they were so close that she had to tip her head back. "I don't know what else you expected, Sans," she said firmly. "As things are now, monsters have no future. Short of killing literally every human alive, the only way for you to live in peace is to live with us and make the best of it. You don't have to like it, but you do have to acknowledge reality. May I ask if you have any better ideas?"

His eye was starting to leak a fine red mist. "Mmm, I dunno about every human. We could start small, maybe a few hundred, work our way up."

That reminded her—partly out of curiosity and partly to distract him, she asked, "After you were imprisoned, did you stay put for all that time because you were waiting to kill whoever came to get you out?"

"Ding ding ding! Smart lady. Mostly." Sans suddenly reached down for her face. Frisk held steady as those huge, slightly pointed phalanges brushed her temple. "I did wanna get more information before I busted out, maybe identify who all had magic so I could kill 'em later." Something rustled her hair as Sans removed one of the golden flowers still tucked behind her ear, lifting it all the way back up to his eye level. "But I mostly wanted ta see exactly what kinda person thought they could box me up like yer little dumbshit boyfriend 'n his stupid-ass birds." A giant, horrible grin. The flower evaporated in a cloud of fine ash. "Then I was gonna snap their arms 'n legs an' wring their head off, nice 'n slow."

Frisk dug her nails into the ball of her thumb, controlling her own anger and, yes, fear. She had to stay calm and think very, very carefully about what she did next. She'd been trained in mediation—what was it Sister Maribelle had said? "Pay attention to little asides or silly demands that they refuse to concede. There you'll often find the real heart of the matter."

All right. She had anticipated some resistance to her proposition, but nothing this violent. Yes, he hated humans, and she hadn't touched that nerve so much as sucker-punched it. But why had he mentioned Luke like that, and why did he sound so bitter? Was he that offended at her comparing monsters to captive birds? Or...

...Good Lord. He couldn't be...jealous, could he? There was no way—but even if he was, why bring it up now? This argument had nothing to do with—

Unbidden, her mind flashed back to that moment in the hallway. She'd needed comfort so badly, and with someone she trusted right at hand, she'd been selfish enough to take it. Her body tingled at the memory of his hand resting on her back as she clung to him, and...

She still didn't understand what had happened to her heart. It didn't seem the kind of poetic, butterflies-in-the-stomach attraction she'd read about; this was literal attraction, keeping her against him for as long as possible. It'd felt absolutely wonderful, but a little frightening, like her – what did the monsters call it? – like her SOUL was literally stuck to him, and would tear loose from her chest if she tried to pull away. Was that normal? Maybe it was why so many romantic songs and poems mentioned a moment lasting forever...

Frisk shook herself. He'd been very patient with her hugging him, and pushed her away as lightly as usual, but she couldn't ask that of him again. There was no point speculating exactly how else he'd felt about it, or imagining anything more.

But there was a point in speculating about how Sans felt now. He'd had to get up early to sit around with someone who was clearly interested in her and who she hadn't done much to discourage—probably a bit annoying, but not problematic until she went and threw herself into his arms just a few hours later. It had probably come off as mixed signals at best, and leading him on or using him at worst. She could only suppose that it was still bothering him on some level, and then she'd brought it up amidst the stress of talking about monsters and slavery...

Well, Frisk wasn't going to give him a free pass to say or do whatever he wanted, but she wasn't nearly as angry anymore. "I won't apologize for having a workable plan towards peace, but I am sorry for likening you to birds," she said, keeping her voice quiet enough that he had to focus to hear it. "Lord Owen was a poor example, too. I don't even know if I'd like to see him again," she added.

Sans' aura receded ever so slightly, his brow creasing. "Why's that?" he rumbled, adding too late, "Not like I care. We're gettin' off topic."

Frisk was a little surprised herself. She let Sans see her hesitation as she thought out loud. "It's...tiny things. He's so perfect on paper, but..."

"But what?" snapped the skeleton.

"He didn't say 'Please' to the maid. No one in his family ever does," Frisk remarked. "They're not at all cruel to their servants, or even rude, necessarily. They just—and another thing. When he was moving my hand for Ruby to perch on, he was too rough. He scratched me a little when he took my bracelet off, which reminds me that I left it there. Wonderful." Despite herself, Frisk closed her eyes. Through the adrenaline of fighting with a volatile boss monster, she could feel exhaustion hovering on the periphery, clouding her judgment and keeping the words flowing: "You're almost twice his size, and you never manhandle me like that. He'd be more considerate if I asked him to, but I don't like his presumption. Did you notice how he smacks his lips when he eats? And unless he's changed completely in less than a year, his sense of humor is boring." She cracked one eye open, suppressing a yawn. "I know I'm being spoiled and ridiculous, but I can't help it. He's rich, he's very kind, and his whole family would welcome me with open arms. I've dreamed of having a family my whole life! But, still, he just seems...adequate. Am I wrong for wanting more than that?"

Sans tilted his head at her. His eye was still pulsing red, but he was clearly thinking something over; she didn't know whether to be hopeful or put up a preemptive barrier.

A long moment later, with an even more visible effort, he pulled the scarlet haze almost all the way back into his bones. "I got an idea, too," he said roughly. "You an' me ain't gonna talk about this 'partner' crap any more, 'cause there's no point. But you tell yer King what ya just told me, if ya haven't already. Get the plans squared away for convertin' all yer shit to run on good ol' Mother Nature, not from breakin' anyone's ribs an' tearin' their SOUL out." His eye dimmed. "I'll take ya back to the Underground with me an' get you in ta see Asgore. Then you can ask him what he thinks about it."

Frisk felt the blood drain from her face. "You...you want me to go to the Underground and speak with your King?"

He nodded shortly. "I won't lie t'ya, Frisk. I fuckin' hate yer plan. I'd never go along with it. But maybe he would, and he's the one in charge." The skeleton snorted. "And nah, I don't have any better ideas. Just...come back with me."

The thought of going to the Underground, and the way he said it—something in her chest unclenched, and just as swiftly squeezed itself back into a knot. Suddenly, all the exhaustion, tension, and frustration she'd been holding back threatened to boil over, and to her embarrassment, her eyes filled with tears.

The red vanished, all of it. "Frisk?" Sans leaned over her, orange pinpricks reappearing in his sockets. "C'mon, kid, don't do this again!"

"What if—" She had to stop and swallow a few times. "What if I'm tired, and you've just made my life a lot more complicated, and I need to 'do this again'?"

"Oh, I'm the complicated one?" Sans looked ready to launch into another tirade, but Frisk sniffled and rubbed her eyes, and the skeleton covered with his face with his hand instead. "O-kay. Ya know what I think? I think we both need a traditional All Souls nap. Sleepin's a good way ta honor dead people, right? It's all they do."

That startled a laugh out of her. "I'd argue if I could." She scrubbed her eyes again. "I need to think about this. It'd be quite an undertaking, but...who knows? I've already made you an emissary against your will. Maybe I can return the favor."

Sans perked up so much that she wondered if he was being sarcastic. But no, he just answered, "Sure, take all the time ya need. I'm still stayin' another, what, twenty days? That's forever." More somberly, he picked a golden flower from behind her other ear. "You'd be way better at it 'n me. King Asgore's not the same nice guy he used ta be, but I think he'd listen to ya. Either way, me 'n Tori would keep you safe," he said quietly.

Dirt. Frisk scratched her cheek where the petals had brushed it, wondering for the hundredth time how someone so big could move with that kind of gentle dexterity. She couldn't handle this right now. "I don't know," she tried to say, but her voice cracked.

The skeleton looked a little panicked. He glanced at the tabletop, guiltily moving a plate to cover the dent he'd made. "Nap time," he muttered.

Frisk nodded. Without another word, she rose and went into the office, and shut the door. She slid down against it to the floor, and tried not to burst into tears, or look at the couch, or think of the rosewood box hidden beneath the floorboards. But how could she not when he had flat-out asked her to go back with him?

That damned box. "For you to reclaim, or not," the Mother Superior had said the day Frisk left the convent.

Why had the old woman given it back to her? Why hadn't they thrown it away?

Why hadn't Frisk thrown it away?

What would happen if she just had Sans smash it? Would the orb evaporate, or would everything hit her at once? The thought was terrifying. She knew all too well that the women who ran the convent were neither sentimental nor faint-hearted; she couldn't imagine the state she must've been in for them to take that much. It had to have been literal life or death.

Frisk shook her head, giving one last sniff. Sans was right. She did need a nap. But when she thought of staying in here alone on the couch again, more tears started leaking out until she wanted to howl like a small child—again, the way she probably had when they first brought her to St. Brigid's.

This wouldn't do. The priestess wiped her eyes on her threadbare skirt and got to her feet. She didn't care if she woke Sans, he could always—

When she opened the door, she was met with a gigantic ribcage and a huge hand curled up in her face, ready to knock. Frisk leapt back with a little squeak. "Don't do that!" she cried.

Sans had also jumped back. "What the crap?! Ya scared me half t'death!"

They glared at each other for a moment. Then Frisk's mouth twitched, and Sans tried to scowl, but snickered, and soon they were both laughing helplessly, leaning against the doorframe and the worktable, respectively. "Okay, okay," the boss monster managed. "If ya really hafta have another slumber party, c'mon."

Frisk giggled again, wiping her now-raw eyes. "Is that what you were doing? Inviting me back over?"

"Well..." The skeleton headed towards the bedroom, scratching the back of his skull. "I can't do my job when yer in another room, am I?" He opened the door wider for her. "'Sides, Pap's not here, an' I can't fall asleep unless I've been buggin' someone."

The priestess gave him a watery smile. "I missed you, too."

Sans turned an interesting shade, and muttered a general denial of missing anybody, which she ignored. "Hey, hold on a sec," he said as Frisk retrieved a large quilt and climbed into bed. "Where's yer fort?"

She stole the single pillow and plunked it down on the far side of the mattress. "It's a pretend fort." The young woman lay down facing him and shook out the quilt, draping it over herself and scrunching the corners into a sort of burrow. "There. I can't see you, and you can't see me," she said through the top, and yawned. "Come on. Don't make me put you to sleep."

Sans' mouth opened and closed a few times. "What, ya mean—"

"I mean that I'm tired, and so are you, so get into bed and be quiet. That's how naps work."

"But—"

"Sans."

The skeleton didn't bother arguing further. He stood for a moment, and turned to leave. He stopped. He shook his head, and reached for the doorknob.

A movement from deep within the quilt was his only warning before the now-familiar vibrations swept through him and his hand drooped, hanging limp at his side. She was cheating: her humming was too muffled to hear if he went any further out of the room. Telling himself this was against his will, Sans shut and locked the bedroom door, went back to the bed, and stretched out in his usual spot, letting his eyes close and his SOUL soften as the sound lapped at him.

It was so nice to be safe with someone besides Papyrus, especially in a room big enough for him. He knew better than to be this happy with a human, and yet the thought of her really, actually coming home with him made him want to...he didn't know what, because he was out of practice at happiness. Smile, maybe? No, it was a deeper-down feeling than that. Grabbing her was out of the question. Sans tried to think of something else happy people were supposed to do, only to find that he couldn't move past the grabby option.

What did come to him was that quiet image of Kris holding his hand and beaming up at him. Yep, it still hurt. Hadn't he learned his lesson? He and Papyrus – all the monsters – had loved their little human buddy, and then he was gone, taking a tiny chunk of their SOULs with him.

It's not gonna happen this time, the boss monster argued with himself. We couldn't have stopped those assholes from taking Kris away 'cause he was a kid. She's the High damn Priestess, and if she wants to be Underground, we just have to tell the Kings to go to hell, and no one else can tell her what to do. She won't have to leave, and she doesn't have to marry that scratchy little prick!

The humming paused as Frisk pulled back the quilt to check if he was asleep. Sans grunted to let her know to keep going.

A patient sigh; the quilt came back up. "Sans?" she murmured.

"Hm?" The skeleton opened a citrine eye. "Wha?"

"Will you take me to the festival this evening? We can sleep until then, I promise."

"Hmm. D'I hafta put skin back on?"

"Yes, if you can. I don't want to make a scene. I just want to walk around, get some cider, and have my fortune told."

That made him open his other eye. "Fortune?"

"It's an All Souls tradition, a real one." Yawn. "There's a man, he charges too much, but everything he says..." Another yawn. "I have an important question. Don't want advice. Want to know what'll happen if I do or don't...something."

"Don't we all." Sans yawned, too. "Sure, we c'n go. Skin."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever ya want."

The humming resumed. As the world went fuzzy around the edges, Sans wondered idly what would happen if she did meet someone she liked. Couldn't he just kill the guy? If it happened a couple times in a row, word would get around, and she'd never have to marry anybody.

Yes. That was the perfect solution. Everything was perfect. Ignoring a little shiver of apprehension, Sans gave up thinking, and was asleep in moments.

#songfell i want to shake these characters

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igottoomuchwriting · 5 years

Text

For Forever Chapter 2

Series: First Part/Previous Chapter/Next Part

Connor Murphy: i stg if this mom doesnt chill tf out i will find where she lives and fight her

It has been a month since Connor and Evan started talking. At first, it was awkward, but slowly they broke the barrier through text messages and small conversations during English. Slowly they were learning more and more about each other.

Connor loved to read. Any book that they read as a class, Connor loved, even if it was an older one that everyone else thought was boring. One day in English, Connor had overheard a kid talking about how much they hated Pride and Prejudice and Connor started whispering to Evan about how the kid didn’t no good literature, how Lizzy was a feminist icon of the time, Darcy was the best boy and the romance was correctly written and “he was just pissy because he is a fucking white boy that doesn’t understand the hardships that women of those days have had to go through!”

He also loved TLC shows, especially Say Yes To The Dress. That was a shock to Evan, but Connor was talking about different dress one day and Evan was curious on how he knew. Connor was nervous to share, but he knew that he could trust Evan.

That’s what he was texting Evan about now. Hulu had put out new episodes and Connor was watching them while live texting Evan about everything that is going on.

Connor Murphy: SHES CRYING NOW AND THE MOM STILL WONT BUDGE

Connor Murphy: thats it

Connor Murphy: im flying to georiga. Ill see you later evan

Evan Hansen: I know you have that ability so please dont

Connor Murphy: like my parents would let me

Evan Hansen: Find something nice in Georgia that your mom would love to see. I’m sure that will get her going

Connor Murphy: well which is it hansen

Connor Murphy: should i go punch this lady in the face or no

Evan Hansen: Definite no

Evan never really was interested in those shows, but he did watch one episode to see what he loved so much about it. It was a good show, and he really did love Randy and most of the brides that came through the shop. His mom had walked in when he had it on the TV, which sparked a conversation of how they were and who Evan liked.

“You know this is a safe place, honey!” Heidi had cooed.

“I know,” Evan mumbled, looking down at the ground awkwardly.

Since then, he’s been trying to pointedly show that he likes girls, and only girls.

Connor Murphy: oh good the bride won

Evan Hansen: With Randy on her side, how could she not

Connor Murphy: true

Connor Murphy: shit

Connor Murphy: my mom is home

Connor Murphy: i have to go to my bed and pretend to get some sleep

Connor Murphy: night

Evan Hansen: Goodnight

Evan decided that he should probably go to bed too. He had a test tomorrow, and he needed to sleep so he wouldn’t freak out as much when the time came.

He quickly turned off the TV and headed back up to his room.

---

Evan did not get any sleep. Right as he was about to fall asleep, his mom came home. Since he was still delirious, he thought it was a burglar. Suddenly he was awake and on alert, ready to do what he needed to.

Without getting out of bed and drawing attention to himself, of course.

He stumbled off of the bus, shoulders slouched over and tired look in his eyes. His classmates shoved past him in a hurry to get to the cafeteria for breakfast, but Evan just slowly made his way to his locker.

“Acorn!” he heard Jared call. Evan turned around to see Jared walking towards him, same amount of confidence in his walk as he always had. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, so Evan assumed that his first period teacher is either late or has a sub who is late.

“Please don’t call me that,” Evan mumbled.

“Aw, come on! It’s a term of endearment. All fun and games, ya know?” He threw his arm over Evan’s shoulder and they continued the walk to their locker. “It’s a playful jab at a silly mistake you made.”

Evan’s hand shot to his cast, holding onto it gently.

Yeah. A silly mistake.

“I’m gonna come over today after school. My mom’s been wondering why we haven’t been hanging out lately.”

“Oh. Uh, okay.”

“You still got Mario Kart, right?” Evan nodded his head. It was the last gift his dad had gotten him before he left, and even though Evan is not fond of his dad, he still tries to hang on to when life was good.

“Cool! Then we can play that today!” Evan just nodded his head again and opened up his locker. Jared continued to talk about a girl--or the same girl that he met over the summer, he doesn’t know anymore--and Evan turned his head to the side to see Connor at his locker. He was slouched over and seemed to be angrily putting stuff into his backpack.

“Sorry, uh,” Evan spoke, interrupting Jared’s sentence, “I’m gonna go talk to Connor.”

“Really?” Jared turned to look at Connor as threw a book into his locker. He flinched. “I don’t think you wanna talk to that dude right now. He seems like he is in a bad mood.”

“That’s why I wanna, um, talk to him.” He started playing with the bottom of his t-shirt. “I want to see if he’s okay.”

“Your funeral, man,” he said with a shrug. He gave Evan one last violent pat on his shoulder before walking away.

Evan closed his locker and took a deep breath. Connor hasn’t been in a super bad mood since they started talking, so Evan was worried if Connor would even want to talk to him or not.

“Hey Connor,” he mumbled. Connor whipped his head around and shot a glare at Evan.

“What?” he snapped. Evan took a step back and looked down at the ground.

“Well you seem like you’re in a bad mood so I wanted to come over and see if you’re okay but you barely know me so I don’t know why you would even want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I should’ve have even come over, I’ll leave, I’m sorry,” Evan stuttered out. All his words started blending together and he was stumbling over his words.

Connor sighed and hit his head against the top of the locker.

“No, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You did nothing wrong.” Evan glanced up at him before looking back down.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he mumbled. Connor was silent for a moment. Evan was just about to turn around and leave him alone when he started talking.

“My parents took my fucking phone last night because they didn’t believe that I was texting someone other than a fucking drug dealer. I told them that no goddamn drug dealer would be answering fucking calls at that hour because they were trying to act like normal fucking people but they took my phone anyway!” He slammed his locker closed and Evan jumped. “They don’t believe a fucking thing I say and it pisses me off because I was actually telling the truth this time!”

Evan looked around the hallway and saw people giving Connor both confused and dirty looks. He didn't know what to do. Jared never came to him for emotional things, and since Jared has been his only friend growing up, he never had anyone else come to him for anything. The closest that he has come to comforting someone was when he walked in on his mom having a breakdown, but even then she turned it around and made sure that he was okay.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “That’s--That, um, sucks.”

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Connor grumbled.

The first bell rang, signaling that students have five minutes to get to class. Connor turned towards the doors at the end of the hallway.

“Wait, where are you going?” Evan anxiously called.

“Anywhere but fucking here.” With that, he was gone.

Evan watched Connor’s dark figure disappear around the corner outside, wondering if he should tell someone. What was Connor going to do? Would he hurt someone?

Would he hurt himself?

“Get to class, Mr. Hansen!” Evan heard a teacher call. Evan looked behind him to see Ms. Asher--the English teacher that no one liked--raising an eyebrow at him. Saying nothing, Evan moved on to his first class.

---

Evan hasn’t seen Connor all day. It was lunch time now and the boy still wasn’t here. Since they started talking more, he and Connor started sitting together at lunch. Connor never ate anything, and Evan did try, but sometimes his anxiety became too much and he just couldn’t stomach what the school was giving him. During those days, Connor tried his best to calm Evan down enough to where he would get Evan to each at least some bland tater tots.

That wasn’t the case today. He sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, untouched food in front of him.

It’s not like he wasn’t used to this. Jared would never sit by him, always opting to work on programming by himself and not be seen with Evan, and since he had no other friends, he was pushed to the corner of the room.

Evan was deep in thought when he heard a voice.

“Evan Hansen?” Evan snapped his head up, only to freeze when he saw Zoe Murphy standing there, kind smile on her face.

“Oh, uh, yeah. That’s me,” he stuttered out. How long has she been standing there? Was she just waiting for Evan to notice her?

“Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?” Oh okay, straight to the point. Evan wiped his palms on his jeans.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course.”

“Are you and my brother friends?” That’s not what he was expecting.

Are they friends? He doesn’t know if Connor considers Evan a friend, but does Evan?

“Uh, yeah,” he drew out. “Yeah, I guess.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She looked around the lunch room before sitting down across from Evan.

Oh God.

“Do you guys text?”

“Yeah, why?” Did something happen? Why would she need to know if they texted?

“Were you guys texting last night?”

“Yes?” Evan was about to have an anxiety attack. Did Connor tell her? Did Connor spill everything that Evan told him? Is Zoe making sure that this is the Evan Hansen that he is talking to so that she can go around and tell everyone?

“Okay,” she mumbled. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for asking these questions, but Connor got his phone taken away yesterday and my parents wanted to see if who he was texting went to our school.”

“Oh.” Great, so Connor’s parents read their text messages? There was private stuff in there. He hasn’t even met these people and they already know his fears? Did Connor delete the texts he sent when he was having a mental breakdown?

“I haven’t seen the messages!” she quickly added. “My parents only asked if I knew the name ‘Evan Hansen’ and so I wanted to make sure it was you.”

“Okay,” he mumbled. They sat in a silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

Zoe broke the silence.

“When did you two start talking?” The questions continue.

“About a month ago?”

“Why?” Well that’s not going to be shared. How would Evan even say that? Yeah, you’re brother stole something of mine and flipped out on me but I was able to calm him down and get it back and now we are basically becoming best buds!

No.

“He, uh, wanted to apologize for getting mad at me in the hallway on the first day of school.” That was kind of the truth.

“And you guys kept talking because…?”

“He was nice.” Zoe immediately rolled her eyes. Oh no. Did he say something wrong?

“He’s not nice, Evan.”

“Wh-What?”

“He’s a druggie who will turn on you when you make one little mistake.” Evan stared at Zoe in disbelief. Here is Connor’s sister, who is known for being happy and helping others, staring at Evan with an angry look in her eye. She’s spending her time, giving Evan a warning.

“He--I don’t think--would he really?”

“He’s done it to me countless times.” Before Evan could say anything else, she stood up. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I’m just warning you that my brother is a loose canon.” With that, she left.

Evan stared at the spot she had just occupied. Zoe has obviously been with Connor her whole life and she knows more than Evan. If she is giving him a warning, he should listen.

Shouldn’t he?

---

When it was sixth period, Evan didn’t know what to do. Surprisingly, he didn’t have any homework to do for that day. He didn’t want to write a letter to his therapist either, as the only thing that happened today was talking to Zoe.

He decided to walk home. It was the last period of the day, and no one was going to be waiting for him. He also wanted to make sure his house was clean before Jared came over.

Evan didn’t get far off of campus before a truck pulled up next to him. With his headphones in, he didn’t hear the driver call out to him. He did hear the car horn, however.

He whipped his head to see Connor sitting in the truck, looking at him threw the passenger window. He quickly pulled out his headphones.

“Connor?” he asked.

“Get in, Hansen.” Evan didn’t question, he just walked across the grass dividing the street and the sidewalk and into Connor’s car.

Connor pulled out into the road before Evan could buckle his seatbelt fully.

It was silent between the two. Evan wanted to know where Connor went in the beginning of the day, if he was doing better, if he was okay in general.

“I didn’t mean to flip out on you earlier,” Connor stated.

“I know,” Evan mumbled. It was silent again. You would think after talking for a month, they would be a little better at talking to each other.

Evan watched all the trees go by. The radio was playing in the background, and the sky was blue with only a few clouds. Always a little strange for October weather.

“Have you ever been to the orchard?” Connor asked. Evan shot him a confused look.

“What orchard?”

“So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Where is it?” Evan asked.

“Well, it’s closed now, but it was almost like a forest reserve for people to go to. You could have picnics, there was a creek, all that fun stuff.” Evan hummed.

The rest of the car ride was filled with small talk. At some point, they had gotten onto the topic of bands they liked, and it blew up from there.

“You’ve never heard of Hollywood Undead?” Connor laughed. “How the fuck have you not?”

“They’re not a very popular band, obviously,” Evan shot back. Connor turned to him with a look as if he had personally attacked Connor’s work himself.

“They are popular!”

“Sure, Connor.”

“You shut the fuck up, Mr. ‘Taylor Swift is a better country singer than pop’.”

“Well, she is--”

“You have no taste.”

It wasn’t long before they reached where Connor was taking them. Evan looked around as Connor turned off the car and saw trees everywhere, as well as a gate with a sign that said “NO TRESPASSING”.

“Uh, what are we, uh, doing here?” Evan asked.

“We’re gonna walk around.”

“W-Wait, what?”

“Come on, Hansen,” Connor called, ignoring the panic rising in the boy. He hopped out of the car and Evan quickly followed, leaving his backpack in the car.

“We can’t go in!” he called out. Connor rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, it’s fine.”

“What if someone finds us? What if they see your car and come searching and then we get in trouble? What if we get arrested? I can’t have my mom bail me out of jail, and your parents won’t--”

“Evan!” Connor yelled. Evan immediately stopped talking. “It’s fine. I come here all the time. I was just here earlier, and no one found me. No one even thinks about this place anymore.”

Evan nodded his head in understanding and looked down at the ground. He heard Connor take a deep breath.

“Just… Come on. You can trust me.”

Evan followed Connor to the fence. Right under the trespassing sign was a cut part of the fence that looked like it was able to be pushed back. Connor pushed the fence piece back and held it open, motioning for Evan to make his way through.

Evan made it on the other side, careful with his cast, and Connor followed suit. Evan looked around in amazement. How come this place was abandoned?

“This place got closed down after they opened up the park as a national park,” Connor answered his unasked question. “Apparently people feel like going to a national park would be more fun than an orchard, even though it’s the same fucking thing.”

Connor stared walking into the trees and Evan was quick to follow.

It was gorgeous. It was a surprise that he has never seen this place. His mom and dad would always love to take them out and show him the nature, the flowers, the birds. It was a big part of his life, and a big reason why he loved trees. Participating in the Junior Ranger program was a way for him to try and go back to those times.

Happier times.

“So homecoming’s coming up,” Connor stated. “You going?”

“Well, uh, probably not?” Those kind of things were never Evan’s thing.

“Even if a cute girl asked you out?” Connor laughed as Evan blushed. The only girl Evan would even want to ask him out is Zoe, but after their conversation, he has been questioning his relationship with her.

“If someone asked me out, that’d be a shock in itself.”

Connor laughed. “Fair enough.”

“What about you?” Evan asked. “You going?”

“No. No way.”

“Not even if a girl asks you?”

“There’s no girl that could make me go to any dance.” Evan hummed.

“What if your crush asked you? There is a girl you like, right?” Connor gave him a side look and coughed.

“Yeah. A girl…” He didn’t say anything after, and Evan didn’t want to push it, so they fell back into silence.

“We’re here.” Evan gave him a confused look.

“Wait, where?”

“Look.” Evan looked anxiously at the space past the trees Connor motioned to before walking forward.

Past the trees was a big open grass field, surrounded by trees. The wind was blowing the long grass gently and the sun was peeking out from behind the threes, just getting ready to set for the night.

Evan was in shock. This place was gorgeous.

“I assume you like it?” he heard Connor call.

Evan shook his head. “Connor, this--this is amazing! How did you find it?”

“I was just walking around one day and stumbled upon it.”

Evan stared at the whole place. Connor watched him with a smile.

“You said you like to climb trees, right?” Connor asked. Evan stiffened up.

“Um, yeah,” he stuttered out.

“Come on. There’s a tree with really low branches.” Connor started walking away towards a tree that Evan saw stuck out from the rest. It was slightly out of the circle of trees, and Evan understood why Connor chose that one. The branches are definitely lower than the others, and easier for the boys to reach.

“I--I don’t think I can climb right now,” Evan called towards him. Connor turned and gave him a confused look.

“Why not?” Evan just held up his cast. Connor looked at for a second before realization hit. “Fuck, that’s right. I’m a fucking moron.”

“Sorry,” Evan shrugged.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You wanted to climb the tree, and I can’t.” Connor sighed and shook his head.

“That’s not your fault, man.” Evan nodded his head and decided not to say anything else.

His phones started buzzing in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see who is was.

It was Jared.

“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. Connor was next to him now, looking down at his phone.

“Kleinman? What does that fucker want?” Evan opted to not comment on Connor’s obvious hatred of Jared.

“I forgot I was supposed to hang out with him today.” He hit answer and turned away.

“Evan! Where are you?”

“I’m sorry, I was walking home but Connor wanted to hang out--”

“Connor? Connor Murphy? You’re with him right now?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I am headed back right now--”

“Did he kidnap you or something, dude? You guys never hang out outside of school. I never even thought the guy was stable enough to do something.”

Evan anxiously shot a look at Connor, but he was picking at his nail polish, so Evan was sure he didn’t hear Jared.

“He can. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’m heading back now. Just go inside, I’ll be home soon, ignore the mess.”

“Whatever you say dude. Bye.”

With that, Jared hung up. Evan turned back to Connor, fiddling with his phone.

“I’m sorry Connor, can we--”

“Yeah, we can go back.” Connor clipped. Evan flinched. He looked down at the ground anxiously.

“Sorry, this was fun, but--”

“I know,” Connor forced a smile across his face. “You and Jared had plans. Nothing wrong with that.”

Connor started walking away, and Evan couldn’t help but get the feeling that Connor was truly upset.

He quickly followed Connor back to his car and tired to calm down his anxiety.

“Thank you for taking me here,” Evan said when they got back into Connor’s truck.

“Yeah. We can come back.” Evan looked down to hide a smile.

Connor actually wanted to hang out with him again. Hang out, in public, for no reason other than to hang out with Evan.

Is this was real friendship is like?

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #zoe murphy #jared kleinman #evan hansen x connor murphy #tree bros #writing #sun writing

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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years

Text

Ivity and Anx: part nineteen

Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.

Warnings: Swearing, descriptive panic attack, intrusive thoughts, mentions of abuse

Word Count: 7166

Pairing: Logicality, slowburn Prinxiety

A/N: the skeleton war is over and we lost

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @witchcraft--and--wizardry @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @sanders-sides-trash-blog @musicqueen1239 @the-average-loner @nicological1 @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @surleytemple @nervous-collection @asapmy @super-magical-wizard @arandompasserby @serenitythepanther @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas

Patton pulled up to the airport, and checked his phone. It was 6:03 a.m. and Logan’s plane landed roughly ten minutes ago, which meant he should be getting his luggage now. Patton was absolutely vibrating with excitement. It had been so long since he saw Logan, or at least it felt like it. They never really got together outside of the Gay Straight Alliance club, but their time there was special to Patton. Logan was special to Patton. Quickly, he sent Logan a text to tell him where he was waiting in his small Kia Soul.

Patton Heart <3: Hey Lolo! I just pulled up to the airport. I’m waiting outside of terminal 23. See you soon! <3

In the process of checking the notifications he had received while driving, Patton realized he had a text from Roman. It was sent roughly at four in the morning the night pior, which made Patton worry slightly. Still, he opened the text.

Prince Roman: Tell Logan how you feel on your way from picking him up. Might be surprised at what you find

Before he could respond or try to decipher the weirdly convoluted message from his best friend, his phone pinged with a message from Logan.

Logos Brain: I just picked up my luggage. I will meet you there in approximately three minutes.

Patton’s heart soared at the message. However, his stomach also twisted itself into knots. He was going to follow Roman’s advice and tell Logan how he felt. The worry that Logan would abandon him weighed heavily on his mind, but he didn’t think Logan would truly leave him. But that didn’t stop the dark thoughts from creeping into his mind every once in a while.

A soft knock on the window startled Patton from his dark train of thought. He smiled widely and got out of the car to greet Logan. “Hey there, kiddo!”

Logan’s heart sped up slightly at the brightness of Patton’s smile. “Salutations, Patton.” He barely had time to put his suitcase down before he got a bear hug from the younger boy. Gently he wrapped his arms around the other.

“I’ve missed you so much, Lo.”

“As have I, Patton. I wish I was returning under better circumstances, but I am very glad to see you.”

Patton couldn’t help but smile wider at that. “I’m glad to see you too! Why don’t we put your stuff in the car and grab a coffee? I haven’t had one yet.”

“That sounds pleasant.”

Logan put his things in the trunk of the car then got into the passenger side. Patton got back in the driver’s side and started to drive off when both were buckled in. He opted to take the back roads so he could drive slower. A long embedded fear of driving reckless after several bad experiences kept him from going quickly. The two talked about how the prior day went and how Logan’s flight was. After that conversation died down, there was a quiet lull in the car.

Come on Patton. You can do it. He isn’t going to hurt you. I know it’s hard to open up but you can do it. “Hey, Lo?” Patton’s heart was beating too fast for it to be normal. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to get the words he needed out of his mouth enough for him to actually confess. He didn’t even know the first place to begin confessing that the feelings that he harborded for Logan were far more than just platonic ones.

“Yes, Patton?”

“Can I tell you something without you getting upset?”

“As long as it isn’t another dad joke, I believe I will be alright.” There was a smile on Logan’s face that released some of the tension Patton felt.

“You’ve made a few yourself, you can’t say much.”

“They were never intentional.”

“Whatever you say,” Patton stayed quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to say it. Logan remained quiet, but watched his friend intently, curious about what the father figure wanted to ask. “I really like you. And I think it is as more than just a good friend.”

That was not at all what Logan was expecting. He was expecting a question about Virgil or perhaps if he believed that Virgil had feelings towards Roman. But nothing had prepared him for a confession like that. Logan realized he was taking too long to answer when he saw Patton’s face start to change. It looked as if he was trying to hold back tears.

“Patton…”

“If you hate me I understand.” The tone of Patton’s voice broke Logan’s heart. He never wanted to hurt the other boy. He cared deeply for him, more than deeply even. He only just recently had this revelation of his own, abit later than he should have, but it was as good of time as any to put a label to how he was feeling. Now, that label was paying off.

“I could never hate you, dear Patton. Could you pull over for a moment and look at me?”

Patton couldn’t help but sniff. Tears were already threatening to pour down his face. Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me Logan hates me oh my god this was such a stupid idea! How did I ever think this was even close to okay!? “Yeah. Okay.” He pulled over, but still refused to look at Logan.

Logan unbuckled himself and turned slightly so that he was facing Patton. “Patton. Please. Will you look at me?” When he saw Patton shake his head, Logan gently took one of the other’s hands in his. “Patton. I have never been good with emotions. I have been teased for most of my life about not having any, but it isn’t true. And that has never been more apparent to me then now. I-” He swallowed and tried again. “I feel the same about you. And I am not telling you a falsehood.”

Patton looked at Logan, tears still in his eyes. “You do?”

“Yes. I didn’t realize just how deeply I cared about you until… recently, but yes.”

Patton quickly unbuckled and threw himself into Logan’s arms. Logan held him tightly and gently carded his fingers through the ginger’s hair, whispering soothing words. Patton cried in the older’s arms, this time tears of joy. The two stayed in each others arms for several minutes, Patton feeling several different emotions, but love and relief being the major two. He was so relieved that Logan felt the same way. He was relieved more so that Logan didn’t shut him out or make fun of him.

“Patton?”

“Yeah, Lo?”

“Come on.” Logan vaguely stated before peeling away from Patton to get out of the car. Patton scrambled to follow, stopped to grab a blanket he always kept in the back seat in case they wanted to sit down in the meadow they were parked near. At least, Patton thought that was Logan’s idea? The early morning sun shone off the dew that blanketed the meadow, causing it to sparkle green. Logan gently took Patton’s hand and led him into the grass.

“I apologize for causing you so much alarm in the car, Patton. It’s hard for me to express emotions.”

“It’s okay, Logan.”

Logan shook his head. “It isn’t. Not truly,” He took a deep breath. “My parents weren’t the most supportive of my more emotional endeavours. I believe they thought it would get in the way of my learning. They were told I was a ‘gifted’ child, so that took precedence. I remember playing with my friends and laughing at some of the most ridiculous things, but those got pushed aside for my learning,” He paused and Patton squeezed his hand reassuringly. Logan returned the pressure. “I have always loved to read, but it used to be fairy tales or fun books like that. I had a great adoration for Dr. Seuss. I enjoyed how nonsensical they were but they still had a lesson that was taught.

“Once my time shifted to school work I lost the time for those types of stories. I turned to the classics because there was still some small form of escape, even if it wasn’t as large as the escape fanticy used to bring me. And I... I lost a lot of my emotional connections to things. The only fraction was the Saturdays when my babysitter would take me out to a field to read. I got lost in a lot of the emotions of the stories then instead of dealing with my own. Since I was old enough to not need one anymore I haven’t been able to do that. I wasn’t able to feel anything. I didn’t have a teacher or parents or really any adult to help me through how I was supposed to feel. So I can only assume that I dealt with the unknown by shutting them off. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was normal or not. Then Virgil came into my life.

“He was the first friend I had in probably five years. He was also the first person to help me, well, feel again. Virgil is hard to understand at first but there’s something about him that just...I’m not sure. It almost felt as if he sent a signal that he needed someone. He had been in the library having an attack when I walked in and I was able to help him calm down. We spoke a little then about what happened, and he told me later that the factual way I speak is grounding. He also helped me through some of my own emotions. Worry was the first. In case you didn’t know, it’s something Virgil understands quite well.”

There was a small smile on Logan’s lips. “He was the teacher I didn’t have, at least partially. He also helped teach me to love? He’s the brother I never had, and therefore taught me how to love my own sibling when she came along. But then, he started to shut me out. I understand now it was out of fear of what his father might do, but it hurt. Then I started speaking with you. Patton, you are a well of emotions. You can help others understand emotions better than anyone else I have ever seen. Inadvertently, you helped me understand more of my own just during the times we spoke. You showed me love and kindness and tenderness and so many different emotions. I have to admit that sometimes it was a lot to handle for me. I wasn’t used to it so it was overwhelming, but I wasn’t uncomfortable with them. They were soothing as odd as that seems. And when I left I knew that nothing there could compare with how I felt around you. I had isolated myself again. Then when we spoke last night it all came flooding back. That’s when I realized that the emotions I felt around you were so different from those I felt around Virgil. I love Virgil with all of my being, but it is familial love. He’s my brother. With you it wasn’t the same. Last night is when I realized that I was IN love with you. That realization… it hit me hard. I believe I had tried to suppress those feelings because they were unknown. They were not something I could do research into and get a clear understanding of. But you have always been so kind and loving. You’ve waited for someone to love you with all of their heart and you were waiting to return that love. You deserve that love because of all the love you have given others. I hope that I can give you even a tenth of what you deserve.”

Patton looked at Logan. He never thought that he would hear so much of the other’s story. What he knew was that he was going to teach Logan everything he could about his emotions. No matter how long it took.

He pulled Logan into a hug, carelessly dropping the blanket into the wet grass. “I’m glad that I could help you with your emotions. And I will do everything I can to help you. We’re in this together.”

“Together.”

After the two pulled apart, Patton leaned down and layed out the blanket, then sat down, gently pulling Logan with him. He then snuggled against the one who stole his heart. Logan wrapped his arms around the boy who taught him to love. He took the time to admire how the light hit his auburn curls, showing off more of the red than normal. The young man looked almost angelic against the morning light.

Patton leaned his head up small amount, wanting to kiss Logan, but letting him decide if he was ready. Despite the fear, Logan leaned forward and met Patton’s lips. However, because of that same fear, he didn’t let the kiss linger like some would. Logan moved away from it after a short moment and looked at the other boy fondly, with love clear in his eyes. It was the first emotion that Patton ever could see clearly in the other’s eyes, despite them being windows to the soul. Patton figured that Logan was just unsure on a lot of the romance stuff, but he was glad that Logan had kissed him back.

Logan hated that he wasn’t comfortable with a lot of the romantic gestures, but he wasn’t sure how to explain that to Patton. It was a problem that he would deal with later. Right now he was glad that he was able to express himself enough to make it clear to Patton that he loved him. That he didn’t have to hide his emotions anymore. Patton would help him understand them and work through them at his own pace.

After a long while, Patton’s voice broke through the early morning serenity. “Logan?”

“Yes, Patton?”

“I think that you’ll give me a lot more than a tenth.”

A soft smile pulled on Logan’s lips. “I hope so. You deserve as much love and kindness as you can possibly get.”

“So do you. You’ve done so much with keeping Virgil safe. You have a kind heart, Logan. I think just because you didn’t understand emotions doesn’t mean you didn’t have any. You just showed them differently.” Logan moved one of his hands to be able to card it through Patton’s ginger locks.

“How do you mean?” he questioned, looking at the rising sun peaking out from the tops of trees on the horizon.

“Well,” Patton started, shifting his position so that he could get maximum hair playing. “Your ‘good morning’ texts and our conversations on our sleeping the night prior shows a lot of care. And I’m sure that there’s something that you and Virgil have to say that one of you is hurting. Codes between people are just a way to discreetly say that you care and want to know stuff. But not really Morse Code. I guess in the proper circumstance it could…”

Logan moved his head to smile down at Patton, taking in the view of the lovely boy’s face. Looking down at his love in the morning light, with the rising sun's rays glowing on Patton's face, was the most beautiful thing that Logan had ever experienced. It was more than anything could have imagined as Patton rambled on about how Logan shows he cares, about his theories and sneaky ways of suggesting healthy habits that he himself doesn’t perform as a way to say ‘I love you.’ It was amazing. It was sweet. It was so Patton.

“Logan?” Patton asked after stopping his small speech. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, my apologies,” Logan shook his head with a small smile. “I was just thinking how amazing it is for me to have you here, in this beautiful morning light.”

“You are surprisingly such a sap.” Patton started to giggle, which in turn made Logan let out his own huffs of laugher. After a few seconds, Logan realized that neither of them had asked the main question yet. The big one to start everything off.

“Patton,” Logan stated rather softly, but still with a tone that required to be listened to. Patton stopped giggling and met Logan’s pure ocean gaze. “Would you maybe… like to go on a breakfast date with me?”

At that, Patton squealed. He buried his face into Logan’s sweater, happiness leaking from his eyes in the form of another round of happy tears. Logan had said it first. Patton was absolutely terrified of saying those fateful words, but he wanted to say them. He yearned to say them to Logan since the two started actually talking, but Patton never had the courage. Logan did. Suddenly, Patton realized he didn’t actually give a vocal answer to Logan’s question.

“Yes,” Patton all but cried into his Logan’s chest. “Yes, a million times yes.”

Logan let out the breath that he was holding at the end of that sentence. Patton could feel it, but he just hugged onto Logan tighter. Logan personally didn’t exactly know how to feel about all the white-hot touch that Patton provided, but in the moment he liked it. He wrapped his arms around the shorter in his lap, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

Logan smiled down at his Heart for the millionth time that morning. His eyes flicked upwards at the rising sun again, peace filling the ever circling cavity inside his chest. The pair needed to get to Roman’s house eventually, but that wasn’t necessary at the moment. Right now, in the early morning air, it was just the two of them existing together with love swirling wildling inside of them for one another.

Roman woke up first. He felt the slight weight on his chest which told him that Virgil was still there. There was nothing he could do about the slight blush that crept along his cheeks. Careful not to move the sleeping boy, Roman grabbed his phone from the table. There was one text from Patton that was sent about an hour prior.

Pappy Padre Patton: Hey kiddo, we’re going to be a little late. Logan and I are going on a breakfast date!

Roman broke out into a smile, happy that the text that he decided to send the night prior worked it’s magic. Thinking for a moment, he would have giggled at the odd position he was in if he could without waking Virgil. His head was turned toward the side so that he could see the phone in his arm that was dangling over the side of the couch. Virgil was still half on top of him, his head on his chest. Not only was his physical position quite odd, but the relationship that he was building with Virgil was entirely amazing, weird, and frustrating all at the same time. Roman found himself wishing that his hand was playing with Virgil’s admittedly greasy looking hair. He wanted to see that soft face that knew so many grimaces to smile, to flush with color, and for his eyes to light up like his words did when he talked about something he loved. Roman wanted Virgil to be happy, comfortable. He wanted Virgil to love.

Putting all of these revelations in the back of his mind as Virgil continued to steadily breath on his chest, Roman typed out an unsteady reply with one hand.

Prince Roman: Its alrigjt we had a late night. I just woke up ans Virgils still alseep.

Almost as soon as he hit send, Virgil began to stir. He groaned and shifted, probably assuming that it would be easier to shift than it actually was. Upon being stopped of turning with the pain in his arm and a body underneath him, Virgil snapped his eyes open. The dark abysses almost immediately caught onto Roman’s soft eyes.

“Good morning, Boy Against Humanity.” Roman’s voice was still gruff with morning sound, and it just went directly to Virgil’s already growing blush.

Virgil pushed himself up with one hand on the couch and the other on Roman’s surprisingly hard chest. He got himself into more of a sitting position, but was still on top of Roman’s legs. Roman, realizing that Virgil probably didn’t want to touch him at the moment, retracted his legs. Honestly, Virgil wondered how the two were able to sleep in a position like that while still in their jeans. Instead of saying anything, Virgil grunted out what Roman assumed was something along the lines of “Gonna get changed.”

Afterwards, with a blush still rising on his face, Virgil walked up the stairs into the bedroom that held his clothes. He grabbed out one of the purple shirts and one of his new black jeans, his mind wandering. He couldn’t figure out why he had blushed so badly at laying on Roman. Was is because of the close contact? Was it because of the night before in the recording studio? A shiver ran down Virgil’s spine at the memory. The fond memory. Virgil eventually got changed and got to the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang.

“Virgil, can you get it?” Roman called from the kitchen where Virgil assumed he was making coffee.

Virgil made a grunt of sort to signify his answer, making his way to the door from the stairs with a little too much knowledge. Upon opening it, his heart stopped.

Logan was at the door.

Why the fuck was Logan at the door?

“Logan?” Virgil finally found his voice after several seconds of staring. His grip on the door handle fell in astonishment. Logan was supposed to be in Massachusetts. He wasn’t supposed to be here. “You’re supposed to be at Harvard.”

“And your life was threatened,” Virgil visibly paled. Logan wasn’t supposed to know about that. “You take priority.”

“I don’t--” Virgil stumbled on his words. He lifted his arm to wave it around to prove a point, but the pain that jolted upwards said otherwise. He winced, which made Logan’s concerned face show itself. Virgil hated just how much of that face that he saw.

“Virge?” A soft voice asked behind Logan. Virgil took his eyes off of his button up and sweater clad friend for a moment, just long enough to see Patton behind Logan. “Virgil, honey, can we come in?”

Virgil must have waited a moment too long in not replying, because Logan took a step forward. On instinct in his still shocked state, he took a step backward. Logan took a visible deep breath, all while keeping his eyes on Virgil. The oldest out of the four boys shifted his messenger bag before slowly raising his arms. Logan rose them slower than he took the first step as a way to show Virgil that everything was alright. He took another agonizingly slow step forward to be able to gently place his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.

“The sun has set; the danger’s gone,” Logan started. Virgil visibly relaxed. Logan’s hands on his shoulders held a specific weight. His hands were softer than Roman’s, bigger than both of theirs, and more squared off. They were his, not like anyone else’s. “Je suis là pour t'aider, mon frère. Laisse moi aider.” I'm here to help, brother. Virgil’s mind didn’t need to translate it. The French words were known better than their English counterpart. Let me help.

Patton had no clue what was happening with the two older boys. He didn’t know what Logan just said, as he had taken Spanish instead of French. What he did know, though, was that Virgil was visibly relaxing, and that was a good sign. His shoulders returned to their normal place, non-hunched. Virgil did move his shoulders up and down for a moment, most likely to feel the weight of Logan’s hands again.

After a few more seconds of Logan and Virgil just standing together, breathing, Virgil made a move. He returned his hand to the door, slowly opening it as Logan dropped his hands. Patton could have sworn he hummed something softly. He being Logan.

The three then retreated into the house, Virgil leading the way to where Roman was in the living room. The boy with blackberry hair was hunched over, arms around himself in a self hug, and completely shut off. His facade of being strong and uncaring was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t need it. It was obvious to the boy that the people here already knew about the broken, scared, and scarred boy underneath the grimace he usually wore.

“You told them?” Virgil asked in a weak tone as Roman looked up from his phone. Virgil kept his eyes on the ground. Logan and Patton shared a look as Roman stood from where he was sprawled on the couch.

“You couldn’t yourself, and I know for fact that you wanted to tell Logan.” Roman tried to back himself up and he walked forward to the other three. Upon hearing his name, Logan looked toward Roman and obtained eye contact with him. The two stared at each other for a moment before Logan reached out to shake Roman’s hand. Roman compiled and took the larger hand inside his own.

Virgil watched the odd exchange from the outskirts, slowly shrinking in on himself. Logan would be mad at him that he didn’t tell him the full truth the night of its occurrence. Patton would scorn him for not telling him sooner about all of the shit that had happened. Roman would hate him for putting the pressure of what happened that night onto his shoulders. Hell, he probably already did. They all hated him. The three most important people to Virgil certainly hated him now. There was no way around it, or at least there wasn’t in Virgil’s mind.

While Logan and Roman were caught up in their silent thanks to the other for protecting Virgil, Patton noticed Virgil getting smaller and smaller. Patton considered Virgil’s hunching in on himself something that he did when he felt threatened, or afraid, but that was with the minimal information that he was going on off of him. Patton didn’t know as much as he would like to know, but he still would attempt comfort for his love’s best friend.

“Virgil, it’s okay. None of us are mad at you for what happened, or how we found out.” Patton started, which made Virgil’s head pop up again.

“Indeed,” Logan continued on for Patton, retracting his hand from Roman’s and going to hold Patton’s instead. “Besides, from what I understand, you or Roman could not have said what happened more than once. I don’t blame you for that. It is best that we all knew… just so that we three could be able to be a better support system for you.”

“But-” Virgil choked on his words. Stop being so weak. Stop showing so much weakness. “But now Patton, he… I?”

“You don’t have to worry about protecting me, kiddo.”

“You don’t have to worry about protecting any of us,” Roman said. “You’ve spent so much time taking care of others that you haven’t been able to take care of yourself. We’re in this together. We’ll all protect each other.”

“Indeed,” Logan used the word to agree again. “Virgil, you’ve kept me safe before. I’m going to return the kindness. We are going to do this together.” He directed his voice at Virgil, which was honestly amazing for the younger. He hadn’t heard his voice so clear and so close in too long.

It made Virgil relax slightly, but he still tried to groan in protest. They don’t mean any of the things they’re saying. His darker thoughts started to rage. They’re pretending they care but they don’t. They can’t. They don’t care about you. His vision was becoming blurry. They’ve probably talked with your father and he’s making them give you a false sense of security. Virgil couldn’t see. Tunnel vision was taking over. Or was it that he closed his eyes? You’re going to lose everything you thought you cared about.

“Virgil, Virgil.” Logan’s cold and soft voice swayed into focus.

He could see Logan’s hands, so his eyes were open. Both of them were on his shoulders now. Virgil didn’t know when that happened. He couldn’t hear anything but the mantra in his head. Who are you kidding? They never fucking cared about you. It was all just a fucking joke to them. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t care. They don’t. They don’t. They don’t fucking care. They never fucking did.

Virgil was shaking hard. His breathing was shallow and erratic. He was still hunched in on himself, but Logan’s hands as a weight on his shoulders was preventing him from hunching farther. It was preventing him from his legs becoming weak, or his breathing get to the point to where he couldn’t breath out at all. He still couldn’t see, though. Or could he? He couldn’t tell. The only clear thing was Logan’s hands and the fact that no one cares nobody fucking cares about you.

“Pat-love, can you and Roman please go grab the information we need for the case?” Logan’s voice was clear as day, though everything else was murky. Everything but Logan was twelve miles under the ocean water. Virgil was drowning. He was drowning. He was drowning. Footsteps away, muddled and almost unheard but definitely there. “Virgil, Virgil,” Logan’s crisp voice broke through again. “You’re safe. The sun has set; the danger is gone. He can’t get us here, I promise. I swear on it.”

Logan never swore on anything he didn’t believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing started to become less erratic.

“The chances of him discovering where you are right now are one in 33.2 thousand. Even so, Roman as a bodyguard on speed dial. We are safe. You are safe,” Logan took a deep breath in, held it, and exhaled. Virgil’s breathing pattern. “We care for you. You are the reason I am breathing fine. You mean so much to me, Virgil. Virgil, Roman cares for you. Patton cares for you. On those two facts I also swear.”

Logan never swore on anything he didn’t believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing calmed more. It was easier to take in breaths now.

“We just want to help you, Virgil. Virgil, we love you and care about you. I want you to be safe. I don’t want you to be in fear anymore. That’s why I’m going to help you anyway I can,” There was a pause. Logan’s hands held onto Virgil’s shoulders harder. “I want to help you go to the police. It’s scary. It’s frightening, but I will be there. Patton will, and so will Roman. We are here for you. For you. On this I swear.”

Logan never swore on anything he didn't believe in. Never. Virgil’s breathing calmed back to it’s normal pace. He lifted his eyes to look at Logan.

“There you go, Virgil. Virgil, you’ve done so well.” Logan’s calming voice told him. The voice was full of love and kindness. He did not remove his hands from the other’s shoulders. Virgil liked hearing his name over and over like what Logan did. Only he did it, and it only was when he was panicking. It was safe, calming, and something to signify that Logan was there for Virgil. They had a lot of those, Virgil was realizing.

Roman was amazed at how calming Logan was for Virgil. From what he could see from where he was at the kitchen table, Virgil was panicking a tenth of what he was when he was in Roman’s care. He could have to ask Logan for tips on how to calm down their friend. Or, at the very least, talk to Virgil about what helps him recede from panic.

“I’m proud of my kiddos.” Patton said, a genuine smile on his face.

“Wait, so you and Logan didn’t go on a breakfast date?” Roman stopped laying out papers in favor of giving Patton a perplexed look.

“Oh no, we did! Old habit of calling him kiddo.” Patton was unfazed at his friend’s confusion, instead still sorting everything that Logan had brought with him. Roman honestly didn’t know when Patton grabbed Logan’s messenger bag, but apparently it happened at some point.

Virgil didn’t know what to say. His darker thoughts were still screaming at him like they always did, but the confidence in Logan’s voice was pushing them away. He believed Logan. The older strayed away from lying the best he could, and swore to never lie to Virgil. It was comforting that Logan was there, that Roman was just in the other room waiting for them. Patton, the sweet bean who barely even knew Virgil, was there too. He had support. He had people who want to help him. His brain and muscle memory told him that he couldn’t trust them, that they would turn on him when opportunity struck, but he was solid in Logan. Logan wouldn’t let them hurt him. He wasn’t alone.

“Glad I don’ haveta do this alone,” His voice was barely above a whisper, words still slightly slurred with early morning grogginess, “Might take some time to get used to... not being alone.”

“Take as long as you need, Virgil,” Logan reassured him. “Virgil, I believe we all would be more concerned if you changed how you felt quickly. Healing and changing a mindset takes time, but it will be well worth it.”

Virgil didn’t know why, but he slowly opened his arms as an inquiry to hug Logan tightly. He wasn’t sure if it was a hug of thanks or a hug of affection but he didn’t care. Logan was here and ready to help him. Nothing would stand in Logan’s way. Virgil knew that when the oldest boy set his mind to something he would do everything in his power to make it so. That was grounding in a weird way.

Logan wrapped his arms around the lanky boy. Virgil didn’t seek touch often, so when he did, it held a lot of meaning. Usually, Logan would hypothesize why the other wanted the contact, but right now he could care less about that. All that mattered was giving Virgil all the support and love he needed. Logan gently began to card his fingers through the purple hair soothingly. I failed you in keeping you safe sooner, but I will not do so anymore. I will make sure you’re free from harm Virgil. I swear it.

Virgil pulled away a moment later, turning to see that there were others in the room. Roman’s gaze still held a flame that was both terrifying and soothing, his body stock still and raised to his full height. Protective. Patton’s eyes held love and understanding, his arms wrapped around himself with a slight bent in his posture. Comforting.

“What do we do now, Logan?” That sounded like Patton, but Virgil couldn’t tell for sure. He was looking at Logan again, eyes fixed on the star necklace that he gave him hanging from the older’s neck. He wondered when that came out from underneath the older’s shirt.

“I believe we should get the information together that we have. There may be gaps in what Roman and I have collected that Virgil might be able to fill in for us. I know it’s painful to speak about, but it will be beneficial.” Logan’s look held an apology.

Virgil breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and nodded. You can do this. Logan will protect you. Last night with Roman wasn’t a dream. He’s there for you too. He tried to psych himself up for what was to come. He could do this. The positive reinforcement that he was trying to give himself felt oddly foreign in his head, but Virgil still tried his best at it. If he were to truly not have to go back home, he needed to talk about this stuff. Virgil needed help. He didn’t want to go back to that godforsaken apartment. He couldn’t.

The four moved to the dining area once again, the papers on the table sorted into piles based on month. The months with excessive amounts of notes were further sorted into weeks, but those only started after July. Virgil was shocked by the sheer amount of data lying along the space available on the circular table. Logan was impressed by how efficiently the two were able to sort things.

As much as Logan wanted to start at the very first piece of paper, he knew that the most important ones were when his data and Roman’s overlapped. “Roman which pile is the first one containing your information?”

“This one.” Roman picked up the July pile for the previous year. “We split the month apart into just your information and when mine started on the 19th.”

“That was an incredibly smart idea,” Logan took the pile and gave a impressed frown-sort of expression. “Patton, would you be willing to take any additional notes?”

“Sure thing,” Roman handed him a composition notebook. “Thanks, Ro.”

The four got to work. Logan and Roman compared information and gently asked Virgil to elaborate if they felt it was needed. Every once in a while Patton would interject when he felt that Virgil was starting to get worried and curl onto himself. Virgil was glad for Patton in those moments. Being asked to relive those parts of his life were hard, the hardest thing he’s ever done, but knowing that the people around him were understanding and wanting to help made it easier.

With one date, things started to slow.

“March 21,” Logan breathed, which made Virgil suck in a sharp breath. That was the worst date. “This is the worst date, to my knowledge.”

“It was… Actually the 20th, a few weeks after I started to shut R... Princey out,” Virgil switched the names mid thought. He didn’t need this to get personal when Roman was sitting across from him. He pulled away from Patton, who let him. He pulled his sleeves further over his hands, then wrapped them around his middle. “He was mad I was skipping classes,” Virgil shook his head and took a deep breath. “It’s the day my mom died too.”

Logan nodded, writing a few things down with a somber but concentrated look on his face. He had that look on his face for a while now. Roman was staring at Virgil, to which Virgil shifted uncomfortably. He removed his gaze and grabbed another piece of paper. Just like that, things started moving faster again.

The only breaks any of them took was when they had to use the restroom, and when Patton insisted they stop for lunch. Virgil only picked at his sandwich that Logan made, considering his stomach was doing flips, but the others understood. Patton tried his best to soothe the lanky boy with smooth tones and light touch. Roman and Logan also gave him words of encouragement throughout the process, of course. All three of them brought their own way of comfort to Virgil. Patton was warm, soft, and gave physical touch. Roman was solid, protective, and gave both touch and many concrete words. Logan was cool, collected, and gave reassuring words. It was a mixture that Virgil needed to get through this.

Around one in the afternoon, the pace was slowing. Virgil was stressed, basically hanging off of Patton as he closed his eyes and recounted why he came to Logan with bruises on his neck and a cut in his side. Roman was stone faced, something that no one at the table saw regularly, if at all. He was in the middle of a sentence when the unmistakable sound of creaking stairs filled the space.

Immediately, Virgil stopped, Logan stopped writing, and Roman whipped his head around. There was a few more footsteps, and suddenly Roman’s Ma was standing in the entrance to the room.

“Honey?” She asked, confusion entering her features when she saw the four boys surrounding her table.

“Hi, Ma.” Roman said slowly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Virgil hunch onto himself a little.

“What’s going on, Roman?” She asked, noticing all of the papers.

Virgil kept folding in on himself. If she sees any of these papers she’s going to kick you out. She might even kick Roman out for helping you. You can’t risk Roman losing his home. God, Virgil, you’re such a fucking idiot. Why did you believe this was a good idea? She’s going to find out and hate you too. She’ll probably even call your father. Before he knew it he’d started to pull slightly on his hair.

“Just some papers we all worked on for a summer assignment. We wanted to make sure we had everything.”

Andrea raised her eyebrow, not fully believing the story. “Alright,” She said, figuring there was a reason Roman was keeping something from her. “I’m willing to help in any way-”

Logan cut her off, his voice polite but with a tone that left no room for any argument. “Actually that isn’t necessary. We were just collecting the paperwork we needed. Virgil and I will be out of your hair in just a few moments.” He started to pick the papers up, sending a worried glance at Virgil as he did.

Patton caught onto what Logan was doing as he helped the older boy pack the paperwork up by month. “I’ll drive you guys.”

“Thank you, Patton. That would be helpful,” Logan pulled his messenger bag onto his shoulder and gently pulled Virgil to his feet. “Come on, Virgil.”

Virgil let Logan pull him away from the kitchen to the main room where they paused to pull on their shoes. It took Virgil a few moments longer than normal due to the daze he was still in. Once he got them on and stood the trio heard another set of footsteps coming down the stairs. Patton looked up and saw Cinthia, Roman’s madre, walking down the stairs.

“Patton?” She asked softly. “Everything alright?”

“Sí. We have to run and do something but I’ll be back.” Patton answered a little quicker than he usually spoke as he held the door for the other two boys.

Logan gently took Virgil by the arm and lead him out of the house. Patton waved at Cinthia as he followed and closed the door behind him. Cinthia wore a very confused expression, but heard Roman’s voice in the kitchen. He sounded frustrated, as if he were in denial. In that moment, she decided to see if she could find out what was causing Patton to act so odd.

next part

hello id be lost without @lovecrazyjennybear for several reasons so lets list a few. shes the one who reminds me to post chapters. constantly. i definitely would have forgotten to post this if she didnt remind me. she also lets me rant and ramble to her? like?? thats literally amazing. that has nothing to do with this story but still. she lets me ramble about plot lines and emotions and i listen to her when she rambles and its just amazing and shes just such an amazing friend. and!! recently she posted her first original work and its amazing. its called The Tin Man Has A Heart and its gold and you definitely should go read it after you finish this okay bYE

#fail's writing #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #virgil angst #logan angst #told you id give you logan angst #we get fluff and angst in one chapter #we also see how logan calms virgil down from Major Panic

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heartofaquamarine · 6 years

Text

Jargon and Language: Primer, Climate Science, Instant Messaging and Romance.

I was watching an old episode of @actuallykylekallgren‘s review show Brows Held High, specifically the episode on the 2004 sci-fi film Primer. While I enjoyed the episode, towards the end I ran into a bit of a problem, particularly with how Kyle describes the use of technical jargon in the film. (And don’t worry, I’ve chatted with Kyle about this on twitter. This isn’t a call out...well, it sort of is, but he knows it’s coming and is okay with admitting his earlier stuff has flaws? So anyway.) Primer is an odd little movie about the creation of a time machine and time travel. One of the notable things about it is that the creator, Shane Carruth, deliberately copied the way that scientists and engineers use shorthand terms and a very specific kind of working slang, and recreated that in the scenes depicting the scientists building the time machine. There is no exposition for the sake of the audience, no companion for the Doctor to turn to and say “Wibbly wobbly timey wimey”...actually, that’s unfair. That takes it in a completely different direction; on a spectrum with technical terminology on one end, technobabble in the middle, “WWTW” is way over on the other side labelled “It’s not actually important, don’t worry about it”.

In the BHH episode, Kyle calls this a badly told story, comparing it directly to Carl Sagan and other popular science personalities like Bill Nye. The problem, the episode indicates, is that the film should have been used as an opportunity to explain the physics of time travel; using science fiction as science fact.

I kind of have two issues with this Actually, I have three issues but one is more tangential, so let’s start with the first two. Firstly, to be honest Primer is a far better depiction of the daily lives of scientific research than almost any other film. We don’t spell out every single concept each time we talk about them; we define it once and generally assume that when talking to people in our field. This is reflected in the sets and designs of the time machine itself; the film is shot in very ordinary surroundings, mainly industrial parks, while the machine itself is a simple grey box and...yeah. Lots of scientific work takes place in areas like that and using equipment like that. I recognised a lot of the hallways in Primer not because I’ve been to those specific places, but because I’ve seen so many places like that where scientific research is carried out. If I wanted to I could probably construct an argument for how this is good for the story Primer is trying to be, the scifi realism it aims for, but that’s not really the point of this essay. The second point is pretty simple. This is not actually jargon. It is not a description of the physics of time travel, because as far as I am aware, no one has built a time machine. Time travel, as portrayed in this movie and films like Back to The Future, scientifically is not just not a theory, it hasn’t even clawed it’s way up to being a hypothesis; it is at best speculation about the nature of something that we can’t even say exists (there have been experiments that appear to break causality on the quantum level, but they keep ending up coming out as having only appeared to break causality. At least as far as I know, it’s been a while since I moved from physics to climate science). The third issue I mentioned is more of an oddity of the episode in the context of the rest of Brows Held High. BHH is a show primarily about movies, and as such it spends a lot of its time looking at cinematic concepts and terminology. I mean heck, the phrase “cinematic language” pops up a lot. While Kyle usually explains these terms, it feels weird to have him complaining about a movie using specialised language, in a show dedicated to exploring particular concepts using specialised language. More specifically, he often examines movies using cinematic language in ways I, an audience member outside the field of film theory, would not understand; references to particular films, techniques I don’t notice till someone points them out to me, ect. What I’m saying is Kyle both uses jargon on his show, and does not call out the use of jargon in other films, because he is used to using those terms. For him, it is not jargon. It is language. And this is what I want to look at. Jargon is usually considered to be specific technical terms that only people in a particular field understand. I kind of think this is a useful construct, but I want to widen the definition to look at other kinds of language and other situations that we might call jargon. Let’s start with some classic jargon.

An isopycnic-coordinate oceanic circulation model formulated with the aim of simulating thermodynamically and mechanically driven flow in realistic basins is presented. Special emphasis is placed on the handling of diabatic surface processes and on thermocline ventilation. The model performance is illustrated by a 30-year spinup run with coarse horizontal resolution (2° mesh) in a domain with North Atlantic topography extending from 10° to 60°N latitude.

This is not something I just wrote myself. It is from the abstract of a scientific paper I have open in another tab. To me, that’s a perfectly understandable paragraph. I don’t have to look anything up (well, okay, I did have to check isopycnic but to be fair there’s a lot of iso’s in climate science) to understand it. To other people, that is a wall of jargon (to be honest I’d be curious as to what non-scientists think it means. It’s surprisingly simple. If people want I can explain it but for now it is left as an exercise for the reader).

I think we can all recognise that as jargon. Everyone okay with defining that as jargon? Okay, good! Now that we have an example of jargon, let’s quickly give a definition of jargon. Jargon, as we are using it here, is a form of specific language used between an in-group that is not understandable by members of an out-group. That’s the most general definition, but usually the in-group is very particular, and usually professional in nature.

What you might not have noticed is that above, in the paragraph where I talk about how Primer can’t describe the theory of time travel because that’s not there in a coherent enough form to be described, is that I was using the words “theory” and “hypothesis” in their technical form. In casual speech, a theory and a hypothesis are basically the same thing. in scientific terminology however, there’s a clear difference. A hypothesis is a prediction of what we expect to observe, and notably even here in this definition I am using jargon because I have left out the word “falsifiable” from in front of the word “hypothesis”. A hypothesis is a prediction with a clear way of shown to be wrong. A theory is a hypothesis that has succeeded in not being falsified enough that we take it as essentially correct (empirical science has no method of absolute proof. At least not philosophically).

So, question. You likely got what I meant up there, even if you don’t know the technical definitions of those words in the way I was using them. But these are technical terms being used in comparison to each other in a short hand. So...could we say that’s jargon?

What is the exact line between language, and jargon? What happens when you have a technical definition that is close enough to how you might construct the same sentence in a casual sense that it can still be understood?

(On a side note, originally I was going to use the terms theory and law here, since colloquially, a law is treated as more important than a theory, but in scientific terms they have different meanings. A law is a generalised statement of observations. A theory provides an explanation for why this occurs. The law of evolution might be “the distribution of alleles in a population varies over time”, while the theory of evolution provides an explanation for why these alleles change and what factors control the change in the distribution...but I couldn’t work a law into the bit above so I went for hypothesis and theory, which have the same meaning in casual language but different specific meanings. Anyways...)

Let’s broaden the discussion a bit more, and bring in a different form of language.

I have a lot of problems understanding body language. I can read facial expressions a bit better, but trying look at body language is like trying to decipher a cryptogram for me. This actually caused quite a lot of trouble for me as a teenager, as I kept misreading people’s body language, particularly my mum’s who has a very idiosyncratic body language. I can now generally read my immediate family, but I’ve known them for over twenty years, and that’s a lot of time to build an individual vocabulary of someone’s quirks, particularly when you live with them. I can’t generalise this knowledge, I can’t read most people’s body language.

This has resulted in me actually finding it far easier to read intention and mood in text than in person. I don’t have the conflicting signals I’m misreading from their body language, just their words, the bit I get, and people’s writing style in causal IM style conversations often changes depending on mood. I might need to see a couple of examples of someone’s texting, but I can generally read someone’s mood pretty accurately from text. It is rarely the words that change, but the grammar and punctuation they use around those words. Someone who usually uses capital letters drops to lower case; something’s wrong. Someone who is usually very loose uses full sentences and punctuation? This is something serious. And so on.

Neither of these forms of meaning are usually deliberate on the part of the person doing the communicating, but a.) they are a form of conveying information and b.) I can understand one, putting me in an in-group, and I cannot understand the other, putting me in an out-group by the definitions above. So then, my next question is can something be jargon, even if the language being used is not deliberate?

Here I run into a weird problem. Instinctively I’d say no, that jargon is a deliberate short hand within groups, and that there’s a difference between not understanding the jargon in a particular field and say, not understand French. There’s a line there, and it might be fuzzy, but if we expand jargon too widely we end up with something useless, or at least indistinguishable from the concept of language in general. But, at the same time...I find it fairly easy to slip this into the definition of jargon. It’s a specific meaning added to the sentence. The fact that it is done with how the sentence is communicated, and not the sentence itself might mean that we put it outside the definition of jargon but should we? I mean English is notorious for requiring emphasis to create meaning (for example the sentence “I never said she stole it” has seven different meanings depending on which word you put the emphasis on), and this has a clear out group and in group; I have shown how I can construct an out group for one and an in group for the other by myself!

So then the next question might be to approach it the other way. Is it useful to class these as jargon, as opposed to simply different languages? I’d say yes, it is fairly useful; saying that body language to me is jargon is a good way to get across the difficulty I have in understanding body language. It’s a useful term, and it fits the definition so I’m actually going to have to say yes. Body language and IM punctuation can both be jargon, and like all jargon you can move from the out group to the in group, and vice versa if you don’t keep up with the evolution of the terminology.

You might say it’s weird that I’m spending this much time defining jargon and trying to work out it’s limits, but I have my reasons outside of sheer academic interest (or; how far can I stretch this mental tool). One is professional; I am interested in communicating science to the public, something that is particularly important for climate science for fairly obvious reasons, and thinking about how to carry out this communication, not just in terms of the vocabulary I am using but the grammar and indeed the punctuation I am using is important. Working out what people will call jargon is really useful there.

Secondly, calling something jargon I think has subtle implications on how it positions you in relation to the people around you. I am aromantic, and to be honest a lot of the way that people discuss romance is, to me, a clear example of jargon. A while back I asked people to define romance, and what made a romantic relationship different from other kinds, and they really struggled. The response I got a lot involved some variation on the phrase “It’s a feeling...you just know”.

The thing is, I’m aromantic. I don’t just know. That feeling being described is a shorthand for something I do not understand. That is jargon.

The thing is, things like body language and romance are expected to be understood in society. By classing them as jargon, a lack of this understanding I think is flipped; it isn’t that people who don’t understand common implications and social language are “abnormal”, but rather that it is a form of jargon they don’t understand. And from politics to science to art to, yes, film theory and describing building a fictional time machine, there is always jargon we don’t understand.

#long post #jargon #brows held high #primer #aromantic #aro #body language #the philosophy of science #instant messaging #climate science #this is a weird collection of tags #language #film theory #cinematic language

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imagine-korea · 7 years

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One touch - Kihyun

Fluff MONSTA X halloween au Word count: 3999 words ;)

Request: I’d like to request a MONSTA X halloween au (or however you call it 👀) where you’re new in town (PLEASE CALL IT HALLOWEEN TOWN BC MEMORIES– K sorry) and all of the people living in Halloween Town are some sort of supernatural things like vampires, wolfes, witches etc. You go to a school for supernatural students (there’s only one school in halloween town) where you learn new spells and stuff and you come across those cool guys (yes I mean MONSTA X) and you get to know them and befriend them and one night you decide to go to the forest (EVEN THO YOU SHOULDN’T BC THE LEGEND SAYS THAT THE FOREST IS CURSED OR SMTH) but the stoopid kiddos you are you go into the forest and smth happens BUT YA’LL DON’T DIE and btw you fell in love with Kihyun and he likes you back hearteu hearteu PLEASE MAKE IT A LONG ASS STORY BC I CAN’T WITH THOSE 3 SENTENCES STORIES LIKE BRUH— :^(

♥ Thanks for the request @prinxessouo ♥

I don't know what happened with this one, I was in a jokester mood so excuse the wording once in a while, well untill the cheese exploded and shit went down that is :p hope you like it!

Humans and monsters alike are always searching for a place they fit in, for the monsters this has proven to be that bit more difficult. You had found this to be true first hand. You were born a human hundreds of years ago. When you were about 18 years old you became ill. At that time and age there was not a lot of knowledge about the illness going around, let alone ghost flue. You had been stalked by a ghost and became sick which fated you to become a ghost as well but your father, a vampire since after you were born, wouldn't just let you die and decided to change you as he had failed to save your mother 13 years prior. But one does not simply get rid of the ghost flue.

You became a hybrid that many said to be impossible. A ghost and vampire isn't quite the most logical combination, so even when you tried to fit in in a town filled with monsters, you still seemed like an outcast. So, you moved yet again, this time to a rather small town of monsters. It only had a small shop centre, two schools, of which one high school, and a small park.

It was a quiet town, had been for decades, yet when October struck the town became more livid than any other of that size. Earning them their name of Halloween Town. Or HaloTown to humans who passed through ever so often.

As your father had dropped you of in front of the large building, you made your way through the school's dark corridors. Not that it was badly lit or anything everything was just painted in a rather dark tint, that and it was badly lit. Don't want them vamps getting UV eye.

Anyways you got your necessities at the main desk and made your way to your first class, Creature studies, which is a slightly odd subject seeing half the creatures mentioned in class were in fact in the school but you didn't really think any further of it and just listened to the lecture. As usual, you were stared at by all, for one because you were new and the other reason was probably because you looked slightly different from your normal vampire. Your pale skin shone differently and your eyes were a very light grey instead of a deep red, vampires are also said to be inhumanly beautiful yet you thought you just looked undead to most.

Word spread fast about the new girl and you were soon approached by the vamps of the school. Vampires always seemed to flock together, pun intended, and it was no secret that in every school they always went for new recruits. You had excepted the offer to join the vamp clique a few times before as they were like pops and jocks in the human towns but it never ended well so you found it best to decline. "Fine, your loss." The girl chimed coldly and immediately turned her back on you with the other unbelievably perfect girls behind her. Their hair flowed behind them and you could still feel their aura as they left.

You went on with your day, going through classes, not really caring about finding friends anymore as it was often waisted time. Not that you were antisocial but you couldn't find yourself to care anymore. What a pitiful everlasting existence. You heard the booming sound of the school bell bounce through the halls signalling the end of the day and you slowly made your way to your locker.

"Ah, I knew it. I can smell a new vampire from a mile away. And you have a rather unique scent to you at that." An unknown voice said from beside you. You close your locker to see a tall muscular vampire leaning against the locker next to yours. "That's not creepy at all." You deadpanned. "That's what we do sweetheart." You simply scoffed and stepped to go on your way but he blocked your path with his broad ass shoulders, looking down at you with a smirk gracing his features. Vampires were always seen as quite cool and seductive but this man right here was just over the top. "I'm Wonho. And you are?" He said smugly. "Not interested. Look, I'm not joining your little group of vamps, thank you, so please leave me alone." "Believe me sweetheart, I'm not part of that little clique. Too much drama." Wonho stated simply and followed you as you yet again tried to get away from him. "But I found it interesting that YOU weren't flocking with them yet. You're quite something aren't you?" "Is that an insult or a compliment?" You asked this time actually turning to him. "That's what I'd like to find out." He said, honestly curious about you. You chuckled and turned towards the exit again. "I wouldn't go out yet if I were you." He yelled from behind you. "And why is that?" You yelled back. "It may be October but It's still bright out." You had just reached the doors and realised he was right. It was only four in the afternoon but you didn't expect it to be this bright out. "Come on, there's a room where we're allowed to stay until it's dark out." He motioned.

It may be a myth that vampires burn in the sun but it did give you an immense headache and yes if you stayed in the sun for too long, your skin did react, so walking home wasn't an option. Usually your dad would pick you up but this time he had a job that wasn't all too forgiving on the hours so you had to get yourself home. You thought about what Wonho had said.

"Don't tell me the Vamps will be there." You groaned. "Nah, they get picked up by their drivers as soon as the bell rings." He motioned you to follow him and so you did.

"Oh god no." You heard a low growl coming from inside upon your arrival at the door and you were just about certain that it was a werewolf. You were sure that this room was for those who couldn't come out in the sun but no one there actually seemed to have that problem so you guessed this was Wonho's clique. You looked around the room, not really greeting them until Wonho started introducing them all and you didn't really have a choice at that point. "Don't mind the incredible stench that's just IM." He first said jokingly. "Hey, watch it. You don't exactly smell like roses yourself." The brown-haired guy growled between gritted teeth. You suspicion of there being a werewolf among them now confirmed. But Wonho ignored the remark and introduced the rest of them. "This is Jooheon, he's oddly soft for a demon, the blond dude right here is Hyungwon and he's oddly scary for a fallen angel," Wonho was deffinetly a jokester, in a passive agresive way which showed that he deffinatly was a vampire yet you wondered why he wasn’t part of the clique. “Behind him is Shownu, he’s a goblin, don’t get him mad because he will burn you.” Shownu gave you a sweet smile yet it caused a shiver to run over your spine and then some “Kihyun here is … well … dead,” The pale pink haired boy just shrugged and you noticed that his eyes matched yours. “And last but not worst, we have our very own warlock, Minhyuk.” He gave you a smile and bow of the head before redirecting his attention to his notebook.

“Now would you mind telling us who you are?” He grinned an all to wide grin as he waited for your answer. “My name’s Y/N” You simply stated and took a seat somewhere far from the small window. “Obvious vampire.” IM scoffed. “Yes, yet I’ve never seen one of the likes.” Shownu stated, eyes squinted slightly and head tilted to the side as if he was studying you. “Guys, just leave her alone, it’s here first day, she’s had enough on her plate.” Hyungwon said, not glancing up from his phone but you appreciated his words.

You started to scroll through your phone as well but decided to listen to their conversation. "So Forbidden Forest this year?" Wonho said with a daring tone. "Are you sure that's a smart idea, people went missing in that forest." Hyungwon said, not really seeming like he cared all too much though. "Yes, but they were dumb and went in on their own." Jooheon said. "I'm in but I'm not taking responsibility if anyone disappears." Minhyuk raised his hands in fake defence. "I'm in." "What can go wrong." Everyone seemed to agree and you just grew more curious. "Y/N? You want to come?" Wonho asked. An involuntary questioning hum left you throat and you cursed yourself for being so curious. "We're all going out to the Forbidden Forest on Halloween. You should join." Minhyuk smiled. "Isn't there a reason why it's forbidden?" You raised an eyebrow at the men. "Oh come on, don't be so boring. People just believe it's cursed or something, nothing big." Jooheon shrugged. "Okay." You nodded "I'm in." You said not seeing the harm in it.

You spent quite a bit of time with the boys after that. It was the first time in a long while that you were part of a friend group and you were happy that it was with these goofs. You had become quite close with Wonho and Jooheon and even IM wasn't too bad yet there was one who seemed to be keeping his distance. Kihyun never really talked much, he just sat there and laughed along and whenever you'd try to sit and talk to him he seemed to shy away. Many of the group weren't the most talkative but Kihyun seemed different in a way, he seemed like he shad something else in him. You just wondered what.

Halloween came around and there were parties everywhere, but you guys had other plans of course. You met at the gate of the forest and got yourselves hyped to go in. You'd usually spend Halloween with your dad but this time he was on a business trip for a few weeks so you were actually thankful that the boys were with you. "Just remember we need to stick together." Minhyuk said. "No one wanders off." Shownu added. "Let's go."

You guys slowly made your way into the forest. You walked in between Hyungwon and Jooheon. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary going on just yet until a loud yell came from your right. There stood Jooheon, completely petrified in fear. "I felt something touch my leg." You looked over at the ground and saw a twig sticking out where he had just passed.

"Oh my Jesus! What a demon you are." You practically yelled at him as he had startled you as well. "It was just a twig calm down."

You walked further and further into the forest and there found a tomb. "Are you guys sure you want to go in there?" Kihyun said questionably. "Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen?" Wonho went in first followed by everyone else, Minhyuk quietly mumbling all the things that could actually happen not really taking away your nerves.

It was basically graves, one by one, and they all had a name and a sin engraved into them. "These people aren't really dead, are they?" You wondered as the coffins were tightly locked and even seemed welded shut. "What is this place?"

'Deadlock pass.' Shownu read from the tombstone in the back of large passageway.

'The home to the most terrible sinners. Their bodies burned into their coffins. Their spirits locked inside these woods as they are cursed to never leave their terrible deeds until death grants them their final freedom.'

A hard thud immitted from one of the coffins catching everyone's attention towards it until the others started to shake with it. "We need to go!" Shownu yelled and you grabbed the hand of the one closest to you storming out of the tomb, when everyone got out Wonho and Shownu slammed the heavy door shut as quickly as possible. Everyone let out a heavy breath and you let go of Kihyun's hand that you had grabbed before, as he was staring at you with eyes widened in pure shock. "Are you okay?" You asked in concern. But he didn't answer, he just looked at his hand with that same shocked expression before looking back at you. He slowly lifted his hand up to your face, only a millimetre from touching. "What are you …?" He brushed your cheek ever so lightly and a wide grin appeared on his face as he pulled away. You looked around you at the others and they looked just as shocked but it still didn't down to you what was going on.

"He's a ghost Y/N, he can't touch, well, anyone" Jooheon explained as he saw your confusion. "Except for ghosts but there aren't a lot of those anymore." Minhyuk clarified. "Yes, but Y/N isn't exactly a ghost now is she?" Hyungwon deadpanned. "Maybe they're soulmates." Wonho winked earning a slap from IM "That only really works for werewolves you idiot."

"Well, I had the ghostflu when I was little, that's why my dad turned me." You stated matter of faculty, explaining the matter as best you could to yourself as well. "Come one let's get out of here." IM said and everyone started walking.

Kihyun couldn't help himself and took your hand in his, for the first time in a long while actually able to touch someone. You two were the last to exit the gate but you had run into some difficulty. Or an invisible wall. No matter how hard the two of you tried, you couldn't get trough. "Guys! We can't get out!" Kihyun yelled

“What?” IM said in shock. “How?” “I don’t know we’re just stuck.” You said in light panic and Kihyun grabbed your hand again, this time to comfort you. “How can you just be stuck?” Wonho questioned in slight anger at the situation “There must be a spell to keep the spirits in. And seeing as they’re both ghosts, well partly in Y/N’s case, they’re locked in as well. “What kind of stupid spell keeps ghosts in but not out!?” Jooheon yelled. “I don’t know just get help or something!” Kihyun yelled in response and all of them ran off to wherever seemed most logical.

Both you and Kihyun let out a deep sigh and looked at each other. He led you to sit against the wall of gate and you just sat in silence for a moment. “Is that why you never really talked to me? Were you scared to get close and then not even being able to touch me?” You let your thoughts go out loud. You had wondered ever since you met him and now had found a slightly possible answer. “In a way.” Kihyun answered vaguely. “Even now you barely talk.” You chuckled. “Do you really want to know?” He asked with a chuckle of his own and you nodded at him. You looked so calm, a light smile painting your features and your head leaned back against the hard brick behind you, but you seemed at peace. He enjoyed the view for a second before speaking up. His voice light like a feather. “I like you.” He smiled. “That’s why I didn’t talk to you. Because I was scared that my feeling would grow stronger and I couldn’t even hold your hand.” Your smile grew wider and you leaned closer to him, but a yell of your name called you back to the gate.

“The mayor said that you’ll be able to get out automatically at noon tomorrow.” Minhyuk said as he saw the both of you, grinning at the piece of information he had acquired. “Noon?” Both you and Wonho said in unison and this is when it clicked for everyone.

The sun.

The mayor had made his way to the gate in the morning, he was a powerful warlock and with a single spell kept anyone else from entering the forest for now as it was dangerous to anger the spirits on the first of November. The Boys had tried to find a way to help them but they were left to waiting until noon, throwing anything that could help shield you from the sun tough the barrier.

The sun started to rise above the trees and it started to ache more and more until the pain became unbearable and you screamed out in pain, Kihyun hopelessly sitting next to you.

He tried shielding you with his body but the light just shone straight through him, the trees not providing much shade. Kihyun started piling you with blankets as no one in this town had thought of buying a god forsaken umbrella and holding it up for shade didn’t help either, and it slightly started to sooth the pain, but the heat was still smothering as the blankets just made that aspect worse. “We need to get you out of here.” Kihyun said, barely visible with the light, as a tear escaped. You completely calmed under the blanket and he noticed you had fainted because of the heat. Finally he heard the clocktower signal it was twelve and he picked you up practically running to your house as the other boys followed behind.

After a few hours most of the boys had left but Kihyun stayed by your side. All wounds had healed, and your cold skin was back to normal but you still hadn’t woken up. He did anything to pass time, running his fingertips over your hands, arms and cheeks ever so often to see if you’d wake up.

Finally your eyes fluttered open and you just smiled up at him in the dark room and he smiled back at you with a loving grin. “You had me worried there.” He said, voice soft as always. “I’m ah vampire ghost, it’s hard for me to die again.” You chuckled and pulled him down into bed with you, practically forcing him to cuddle you. “I love you.” He whispered as he held you close.

You finally had the feeling that you were truly close to him, the feeling of home, the feeling of love, and you could wholeheartedly say “I love you too."

♥ Thanks for the reading ♥

masterlist

#requests #request #monsta x #kpop scenarios reaction #kpop scenarios #kpop stories #kpop story #kpop short #AU #kpop halloween #kihyun #fanfiction #kpop imagine #kpop imagines #kpop

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someobscurereference · 7 years

Note

omg so going off ur 'alien' thing and the language diff hcs from a while back and im just thinking like? cultural differences in general. beruka attempts hand signals with selena in battle one day except in ylisse, they happen to mean something hella rude. Ylisse is a more open and affectionate culture than nohr, so after they get *closer ;)* odin starts kissing niles/leo on the cheek in greeting. they just kinda :O xandar uses a harmless turn of phrase and laslow o.o "u want to do WHAT to me?"

Tbh this is pretty close to similar things I’ve been thinking about, though my thoughts were less creative, lol. I’ve been imagining Laslow using an idiom (maybe something something like “Sometimes you have to let sleeping dogs lie”) and somebody else (Xander? Peri?) asking what the heck that means.

“You know,” Laslow says. “It’s a saying.”

“What do dogs have to do with this situation?” Xander asks.

“It’s just a phrase. You know, like, ‘Oh, they let the cat out of the bag.’“

“Why are you so interested in animals? Cats shouldn’t be kept in bags.” Xander is very curious and befuddled. He wonders if it’s Laslow’s friendship with Keaton that has him talking about animals like this.

“No, it’s…. Nevermind.”

Later he asks Selena and Odin if they know what those phrases mean and they look at him like he’s absolutely nuts but when they say yes, he’s greatly relieved. There are probably plenty of idioms and other phrases that overlap between Ylisse and Nohr, but also plenty that probably don’t.

I know you suggested one for Selena but I’m also thinking about the difference involving pegasus knights like Subaki. In Nohr and Hoshido, pegasus allow men to ride them, whereas in Ylisse only women are allowed. Selena expresses her surprise at this in her Subaki Support. Battle differences like that probably something the Trio doesn’t realize at first, and knowing them does matter. (The pegasus stuff maybe not so much, but other things for sure, like what you suggested.) You’re definitely right about Beruka making a gesure Selena misunderstands or can’t make sense of at all. That can definitely make or break a battle, and afterwards they’d have to talk about it, probably with Selena frustrated and Beruka similarly perplexed.

What about other stuff too? Like the enemy is atop a wall and without Beruka or Camilla there to simply fly up, Selena does the most obvious thing (in her mind) which is to tell Effie (or anyone else with a shield) to hold up their shield and Selena jumps off of the shield and up the wall, Wonder Woman style? (NGL, I’ve had this scene in my head for a while, lol). A tactic that’s obvious to her because she’s been doing that since forever (she’s got long legs and with out much soldier power, you have to be creative; she’s been doing that since she was 13 and fighting tall Faceless every day) but one the Nohrians probably never thought of. Things like that would really benefit the army in terms of exchange of knowledge, but figuring out the other person doesn’t know the so-and-so trick is hard.

In Ylisee, showing affection among royalty or the Exalt was never an issue. Chrom was always holding his spouse’s hand in public, and Lissa never shyed away from kissing her husband or even Maribelle in camp or the castle or even in town. Such affection was kind of encouraged, even. It made for a strong relationship/relationship image. So when Odin finds Niles and Leo like the day after they’ve become a thing and greets them with a kiss on the cheek in the middle of the hallway and they gape, he’s not sure what to make of it.

“Odin,” Leo says, looking up and down the empty hallway. “We’re in public.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Odin asks, confused. He didn’t even go into a long speech about love and camaraderie that made Leo go red and sputter like yesterday.

“It’s not… proper.”

“You took me on as a retainer,” Niles said. “That wasn’t very proper.” In his defense, he actually really likes these cheek kiss greetings.

“Kissing is not done in public among royalty,” Leo insists. His face is very red. “Not even among relationships with other royalty.”

Odin makes a face. “Seriously?”

He makes an effort but if Garon is dead and the everyone else knows about their relationship already, not holding hands or hugging or even kissing on the cheek in public out of a sense of duty is pretty ridiculous.

#my text #asks #fe14 #long post #maybe not as creative as my usual stuff but that selena scene and that laslow convo are things i've been thinking about for a while actually #tiny scenes i've never been able to figure out what to do with #so thanks for the opportunity lol

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bastilacroix-blog · 7 years

Text

dear sebastien lacroix, i have the pleasure of writing to you to introduce to you your partner, gabriela watson-flores. you’re so imprudent and frivolous yet so idealistic and bold that it’s no wonder they were paired with someone such as yourself. i suppose it only makes sense, since you moved here from beauxbâtons / france and became a magizoologist. you must be looking forward to this new step in your life. sincerely, the minister of magic.

hello, dearies!! i’m jae & have to be awake very early tomorrow morning, but i couldn’t help and had to have my boy’s intro up tonight. oh, right! i’m on brst (gmt-2), so i think... i am either too ahead or too behind from you all... but i promise it won’t be that hard to find me around. anyways, i’m awkward but would love to plot, so if anyone would like to get something with my kid, let me know (liking this post??? sending me an im??? smoke signal????? anything rly).

sebastien is a twenty-five year old halfblood, born in paris (france). he’s quite young, but at this age people probably expected him to have some maturity and responsibility... but he doesn’t seem to have any.

his parents are juliette (muggleborn), a healer in st. mungo, and mathieu lacroix (pureblood), a publisher’s owner (who owns some bookstores as well). they both are french and beauxbâtons alumni, and their family is quite big (six children!!). seb is the second youngest!

recently married and already with children, both juliette and mathieu stayed away from the happenings of the first wizarding war; but during the second, as their kids were all grown ups, the couple transfered to uk with the only intention of helping and allying themselves with the order of the phoenix and helping in whatever they could. juliette as a healer, mathieu in anything people told him to do (they were at war, after all).

during this time, sebastien did his best at not thinking the worst and being the optimistic his siblings knew he was: he continued to focus on his own projects and take care of his younger sister (or tried, as the older siblings were always around to check on them in their parents’ house). before all this had happened, he had been traveling through europe (mostly) along with a mentor, studying and getting to know more about the science he had chosen to have a career on.

he really has a big fascination for magical creatures—his mother often laughs a bit about this, as his father has some werewolf traits (after being injured by one) and pointed this fact as how it all began (both their relationship and their son’s admiration to study 'animals’). managing to become a magizoologist, seb can say he is pretty content with what he has so far, though he wants more, to know more and have even more knowledge.

it was only after the war that he moved to london: both he and his younger sister packed their things completely and came after their parents to help them deal with their post-war situation. they are war heroes, sebastien and his other siblings see them as such and couldn’t be happier that everything went well in the end (though also sad of everything all of those in uk seem to have gone through). they all agreed that at least two of them needed to be more around, for their parents’ sake, to remind them of their family—thus why sebastien ended up here. not that he complains, you see... he’s his parents’ sweet boy, a mama’s boy, he always puts them above everything.

he may know others that work on the same field as his, or as dragonologists, especially those who have their works published. he reads everything he finds, always curious to know what others’ are finding with endless interest.

he has some projects on going and some published as well, but nothing too big or fancy just yet. he has aspirations, but is pretty chill about taking his time with everything.

so, this brings us to nowadays, when he’s been recently matched with someone with this whole marriage and having children “thing” (as he would say). truth be told, he is not ready to have kids (he’s a kid himself!) but who is he to say no to a law? i’m not gonna lie, though, he really thought this was all a joke in the beginning, rip

what else? perhaps i could give y’all a glimpse of his personality and likes and general stuff, so...

he speaks french and english fluently, some german due to his father's relatives, tried to learn latin (and didn't completely succeeded) and is capable of recognizing some terms of his field in portuguese (after reading a lot of brazilian magizoologists' works).

openly bisexual.

his place is filled with collections of old pictures and decorative objects he got from his trips, all in shelves along with his several books.

likes to draw and does it quite well! has some notepads with several drawings, from serious ones to childish doodles of magical creatures and castles.

he is always out and about, and has a pretty friendly personality. he isn't one to actually start conversation randomly, but if someone present the oportunity to him, he would absolutely engage even in small talks or deep drunk blabbing at the bar.

which reminds me: he is a terrible drinker. he gets affected by it quite easily, so don't be surprised if he ever denies drinking and prefer to stay with his soda.

pls come and love my baby boy! i’m up to any kind of plots & here are some random stuff that could work:

other magizoologists / dragonogists who he’s met before or is meeting again (and could be trying to work together!)

other beauxbâtons alumni! friends? acquaintances? he’s been there from 1986 to 1993 and was a pretty social kid, i’m sure we can all get to something.

flings? exes?

frenemies? (he is incapable of actual hate, but... y’know... could be plotted)

best friends???? acquaintances????

listen, my brain is dead, but i’m really up to anything, so bring it on and i’m sure we can come to an agreement!

#mhq.abt #( and this is freaking long i'm sorry i seem incapable of writing short stuff........ )#il était une fois.#écrivain.

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attina-the-responsible · 7 years

Text

Tails, Boobs, and Second Dates ~*~ [Mersisters]

In which Attina has a second date and needs to share it with the troops

[feat. Andrina, Adella, Arista, Aquata, Alana. Ariel in spirit. <3]

@andrina-the-amazingsupergenius, @adella-the-romantic, @arista-the-musical, @aquata-the-bold, @alana-the-badbitch

Attina UPDATE: I GOT AN INVITE TO DATE TOO i mean he's calling them challenges but pretty sure that's the same thing. Attina also *two im excited dont judge me

Aquata is this the shit you guys were all talking about while I was gone?

Alana time to break out the lingerie

Adella oh my god atty do you own lingerie

Attina OMG AQUATA you don't know about paul wow okay where do i start.

Arista Ohhhh challenges I like it

Andrina wow is he going to make you walk a tightrope over fire

Attina of course i own lingerie it makes me feel pretty

Andrina or like a hot dog eating contest Andrina swallowing knives

Adella that doesn't sound as cute as hopscotch

Andrina hula hooping tbh

Aquata you all sent so many messages did you really think I was gonna be able to get through them all?

Attina oh i hope not, i'd take the tightrope over fire over hot dog eating

Alana hula hooping on fire

Andrina walking on a tightrope Andrina while eating hotdogs

Attina WeLL what else are you going to do in your downtime Attina my love live is VERY IMPORTANT

Alana life

Attina thank you alana what would i do without you

Adella super important

Attina thanks dell

Aquata so are you going to give me the spark notes version of this or what?

Alana tldr, aqua: atty got a boys number they went on a date Alana it went well Alana woohoo

Attina a HOPSCOTCH date it was so cute

Adella lol

Alana each and every decision, of course, needs a conference Alana hence why we are here

Aquata ...hopscotch?

Attina of course

Arista He's got two kids. Have you met the kids are they cuuuute? Is the next challenge meeting the kids????

Aquata alright whatever not judging, let's dive in

Alana oh yeah he's a daddy Alana atty got herself a daddy

Attina oh goodness i hope he doesn't just spring the children on me.

Adella the children Adella he has more than one?

Arista he said challenge though and springing children is a challenge. They're kinda heavy

Alana super daddy

Attina he's got twins dell just like you! except a boy and a girl

Aquata alright so date two...?

Arista Dell has twins?

Alana oh you didnt know?

Adella wow how weird would it have been if one of us was a boy

Attina RIGHT get this!

Alana she keeps them in your closet

Adella ris jfc

Arista but like twin what?

Adella US WE ARE TWINS

Arista is she keeping twin puppies in my close--oh Arista riiiight

Attina /Simba/ came into the shoppe and had a note tied onto Bowie's collar asking me to the lakeside for idk hopefully a picnic or something! but i have no idea what. he said date two was goingto be an obstacle course but i'm like 70% sure he was kidding.

Arista aw it was a doggy note

Adella what's sim and bowie got to do with it

Aquata well I mean you did hopscotch so an obstacle course is in the realm of possibilities

Attina yeah i dunno if the whole collar thing was simba's idea or paul's, could be either tbh

Andrina best wear kneepads, elbow pads, and a helmet just in case t b q h

Aquata did hopscotch? play hopscotch? Aquata I don't know how the hell you say that

Attina play?

Alana wow

Arista oh what if its like one of those obstacles courses they had on the Bachelorette the other night where they test your kid skills

Attina my kid skills?

Aquata And the Waboom guy drowned the baby.

Adella oh my god

Arista and still won. Which was so UNFAIR

Alana extreme breastfeeding

Attina alana.

Aquata Kenny deserved to win tbh

Adella ew

Attina noT helPING

Alana that's a skill

Andrina oh yeah wear a really busty t-shirt

Arista he totally did. Wow Aquata we need to watch on Monday together

Alana hey can we breastfeed

Andrina it will activate his dad senses

Attina I'm not going to show off my breasts.

Alana i legit don't know

Aquata I had to make my roommates watch it with me in London, they were not thrilled.

Attina we're mammals of course we can breast feed

Aquata ALRIGHT BACK ON TRACK THOUGH

Adella wait what do you mean can we

Aquata DATE TWO Aquata OBSTACLE COURSE

Alana have you seen a mermaid breastfeed Alana because I DO NOT REMEMBER

Arista OH right! as I was saying on the Bachelorette they had like vaccumming races and like changing diaper races and stuff

Attina I /really/ hope it's not an obstacle course. hey aqua think you can go in my place? There is no way i'm getting through an obstacle course.

Adella i assume we were breastfed?

Attina we were della.

Alana nice good to know

Adella see atty remembers

Alana i hear some people are into adult lactation

Aquata Yeah, I'll just sneak in when it's time to run it. He definitely won't notice the change in appearance

Adella yikes

Alana wear a wig aqua

Aquata I'm not wearing a fucking wig.

Attina yes! exactly.

Aquata let alone running in one

Attina aw c'mon! true love could be at stake!!

Arista does anyone ever think that like... its super unnatural for us to drink milk because you're like breastfeeding from a cow like baby cows need that

Aquata just dye your hair

Adella wow true love Adella this escalated quickly

Alana tell me more ris

Adella no ris

Alana have you thought about becoming vegan

Attina dye /my/ hair no thank you. i love my hair.

Andrina i geniunely cannot concentrate on this conversation Andrina the fuck are we talking about cows

Arista I mean I have. I'm already a vegetarian

Attina ALSO it's not true love /yet/ but it /could/ be that's why i said /could/

Alana you mean it wasnt at first sight

Adella bummer

Alana *gasp*

Aquata I'm sorry but I'm still not wearing a wig

Alana ris if u switch to soy or almond milk then baby cows can have more cow milk!

Arista wait is it bad that I didn't like love Van at first sight, is that a thing guys

Adella almond milk is yummy

Attina ugh. fine. i'll just have to keep my fingers crossed for no obstacle course.

Alana i dont date anyone unless i fall in love wtih them on first sight

Aquata No it is not a bad thing.

Alana hence why i have not dated anyone

Adella lana's just being a jerk ris

Attina and it's not bad arista, sometimes love takes a while.

Andrina i only date cows

Arista okay, cause like I could definitely I'm just like not ready yet

Aquata just make sure that if it's a race it's in a pool because then I can wear a cap. Problem solved

Attina oh! well we'll be at the lake so, but i mean i could take paul in a race if we were just swimming pfft he's /human/

Arista I dunno, swim caps aren't cute. Like no offense Aquata but its like weird looking

Alana i think she looks rather fetching in her swim cap

Adella you could find a cute one i'm sure

Aquata They make fun ones Ris

Alana it brings out her cheekbones and face structure when her hair's not a mess

Attina though i mean wait what if he /does/ ask to go in the water that's like--i should pretend i can't swim or something right i just that freaks me out we shouldn't do that oh god i didn't actually think about this at all he wants to go down to the /lake/

Aquata thanks lana

Alana i read "he wants to go down" Alana and i was like "bow chicka chicka"

Aquata Do you want me to be on standby for the lake just in case?

Attina ugh i dunno is that weird? if you're just like...hanging around? though he hasn't met you yet so maybe that's a good thing he wouldn't know

Arista Maybe you guys should have like walkie talkies.... or text each other... but walkie talkies are more fun

Alana lurk in a bush Alana we also have phones Alana modern day walkie talkies

Attina walkie talkies /are/ fun but bulky but i can't be on my phone that's rude!

Aquata then just like send me a signal or something

Arista I dunno you could always say its a "sister emergency" he should understand what he's getting into with all of us

Andrina just do ur hair super nice and then if he's like dur dur dur lets go in the lake be all "but my HAIR"

Adella keep a pigeon nearby

Andrina then flash him some tit, you're good to go

Adella tie a lil message to its leg

Alana or make up mhm

Attina i don't want him to think i'm /vapid/

Arista I dunno his ex seems kinda like that, he's probs used to it

Attina also dell that's a brilliant idea know of any pigeons that'll help out? oh! what if i asked one of the fish! they could tell you aquata.

Alana or you can say you cant swim

Attina wait ris do you know his ex???

Andrina oh here we go

Aquata that's what I was kind of getting at? That I just like, stay in the lake and I'll be able to see you guys

Adella oh no

Arista I know Roger who is his best friend who knows his ex

Alana oooo spill the tea

Aquata oh god Ris why

Attina wait you know roger?! he mentioned him on our date. is he nice?

Alana that's that dog walker bloke with the hair right

Adella i think so

Alana he works at the record shop Alana i think?

Adella yeah him

Arista Yeah he's super nice! We've worked on some music together

Attina yeah yeah i've run into him once or twice but that was before i didn't really get a read

Alana he has a nice butt

Arista I didn't look at his butt. He's usually sitting at a piano

Adella wow

Andrina is it better or worse than paul's butt Andrina bc not too late attina could switch london blokes

Attina paul has a /very/ nice butt, i got to watch as he drew chalk for like three minutes.

Adella also wow

Andrina [highfive emoji]

Attina 😉

Alana okay back to Alana EX???

Adella dun dun DUN

Attina i dont think anyone knows her do they?

Andrina uk idk what's her name

Attina uhm i think it's like--perdita? some weird name though i guess we have weird names too so that's not saying much

Alana oi is she doing the play Alana is she /juliet/ in the play

Attina what how do you knwo that

Andrina i'd rather know why it ended is no one else curious about /that/

Arista yeah she's totally juliet

Alana bc i saw the announcement for the cast bc mags wanted to go for juliet and i noticed the name and like

Arista and he's romeo

Andrina why do we care Andrina oh

Alana how many perditas Alana lmao

Adella wow that's not good

Alana wow atty, time to flash the tits

Andrina ok my question is more relevant

Attina well maybe it's fine it's not like they did that on purpose or anything

Andrina now

Arista I forgot about that. You'd think I'd remember from all the music practice for the play

Alana just be like SO HEARTBREAK HERE'S WHEN I HAD HEARTBREAK HAHA

Adella that's just asking a question

Attina that's totally prying it's being /completely/ nerdy Attina NOSY

Alana idk when does one normally bring up exes

Adella wow called me nerdy Adella out of me and ris

Attina we aren't even official or anything it's not a big deal people break p all the time

Alana but kids Alana that's a whole other level Alana mhm

Adella right that's like

Attina what do you know about it alana

Adella extra baggage Adella more than normal

Alana i watch reality tv i know things

Andrina what if he's like divorced too Andrina you could be dating a young divorcee and not know it

Attina so what's that matter? they're not together anymore

Andrina i dunno i'd like to /know/ if the bloke i'm into was married before Andrina for how long Andrina when it ended

Attina this is the /second/ date that's like a DTR talk

Andrina if he ever wants to get married again like /some/ people do hint hint nudge nudge

Attina i dont want to scare him off

Andrina ok fair point Andrina new plan: sisters, dig. attina, charm. wear a busty dress.

Adella to the lake

Andrina she's got a sundress that shows off some cleavage that's appropriate

Attina what if he makes me do another ridiculous task

Adella then you'll show him more than some cleavage

Arista why is everyone showing paul boobs in their plan

Attina it's not in /my/ plan

Arista good boobs are for later

Attina i'm glad arista gets it. i'm in the same boat, sister.

Adella i didn't say i liked that plan!

Attina oh, true. ahha. lOOK everyone else just keeps telling me to show my boobs and shit, so it's just my assumption

Arista third date material probably. I dunno I feel like Attina is a beyond third date kinda person. I mean I showed Van my boobs like before we were actually dating /officially/ but everyone has their own pace

Attina lord

Adella i wasn't gonna call her out on it Adella but here we are

Attina wow now i feel betrayed am i the oNLY CONSERVATIVE ONE ugh im a freak what if he is /expecting/ boobs

Adella AHEM

Arista Adella didn't show her boyf her boobs for a whileeeee

Attina at least that makes two of us della

Alana are we talking about boobs again

Attina nO no we are nOT

Alana bummer

Adella i'd rather not talk about atty's boobs

Adella or any of your boobs really

Andrina that's a shame, i've got great ones Andrina as does atty

Adella right okay we aren't all that blessed

Alana atty does have great boobs

Arista I have good boobs too

Alana so do u sells Alana **DELLA Alana sorry nails drying

Adella i mean i guess

Andrina we've all great boobs it's in the genes

Adella all boobs are good boobs

Arista I agree Arista I like boobs

Adella we know

Attina i dont think that's really here nor there to be perfectly honest because im /not/ wearing a dress this time

Alana write a song about boobs

Attina or pants because it will be hot and also they make my legs looks stumpy Attina though shorts kind of make me look fat so lose lose lol

Alana oh well U have lovely legs 2

Adella true

Arista ohh I totally should. Make it like Your Body is a Wonderland John Mayer type vibe

Andrina oi attina come off that Andrina where those high waisted shorts with the flowers you love those

Alana atty u r hot

Adella ooo those are nice

Attina i dunno they're kind of childish

Alana ^^ yes

Arista yeah and if you think you look stumpy that's what heels are for. Shoes solve everything

Alana not that they r childish I like them

Attina i can't wear heels down to the lake i'll fall flat on my face

Arista oh right. Well still you can get shoes that help

Andrina sides paul likes children he's a dad

Adella tbf you could do that anyway atty

Andrina wait Andrina not what i meant

Alana hot

Attina jesus andy

Attina also thanks della really great way to boost my confidence there

Adella i was just giving you a heads up

Attina it's already a miracle i didn't do it during hopscotch i guess he'll find out eventually how klutzy /all/ of us are

Adella no need to be snippy

Andrina um i'm the picture of grace Andrina but anyway: Andrina you survived hopscotch in a dress and he invited you to a SECOND date clearly stumpy legs don't matter

Adella i don't think you have stumpy legs anyway! Adella if they were as long as mine you'd just be /lanky/ and klutzy like me

Alana oh my god Alana I am drowning in your pity party

Arista snap out of it Atty you're being self-decapitating again

Alana look we are all hot and we all have our quirks and the key is being proud of them and owning them and boys eat that shit up Alana boys and girls and whatever

Arista ^^^

Adella thank u for the inclusion

Attina okay but /cleaning/

Arista but he DIDNT CARE because he LIKES YOU

Adella yeah but that's... Adella very adult of you?

Alana yah and andrina takes pics of strangers and she's gotten laid loads

Andrina when it doubt, tits out Andrina kidding

Arista I'm a nerd who sings at all hours of the day and hangs out in an arcade and I don't always say the smartest things and yet I have a girlfriend so

Adella no u arn't

Attina yeah but you've got like talents and shit like photography is great and alana u have your make up and arista you have your music and so do you della and i've got...cleaning. YOU KNOW WHAt it doesn't matter that's not the point, i'm just saying i don't like shorts but im probably stuck in shorts so we're goign with shorts, but not the flower ones.

Arista actually I'm a geek not a nerd. I was told the difference and I don't remember it

Alana I don't know a single boy who was ever impressed by make up lmao

Arista REGARDLESS you are talented you like keep a business afloat and stuff

Andrina ok seems like u got this then Andrina live ur life Andrina follow ur compass

Arista plenty of girls are Lans maybe you're looking at the wrong gender

Alana yah ur responsible Alana I'm like p sure I prefer dick

Arista prefer

Attina right yes yeah definitely, thanks ladies. i'm sure it'll be fine.

Alana we love u and u r beautiful and talented and awesome Alana 💗

Attina wow lana are you high or smth

Andrina 💗 rock it

Arista she was painting her nails, maybe she sniffed some remover

Alana why r u doubting my kindness

Andrina im proud of u lan

Adella srsly don't ask questions Adella i like when lan is nice

Alana it's bc aqauta is back and she's meaner than I am so whatever I say sounds lovely

Attina all of you are perfectly capable of being lovely

Adella some of us just have a harder time with it

Alana aquata most of all mhm

Arista I think she went to swim practice or something she hasn't talked in a while

Adella that or she's taking all of her clothes back out of your closet

Alana lmao

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