The Preferable Alternative - end of prologue- part 3

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i don't have time for a lot of comments b/c i have to leave for work in 6 minutes so

: )

I'm so afraid of people not understanding my sarcasm and irony and STRANGE AF JOKES😭😭😭😭

We really lose friends sometimes because of that🥲

The overwhelming urge to block people who badmouth my favourite characters.

*casually posts after 2 months like nobody ntoticed*

“Harry wraps his arms around himself as tightly as he can. Ridiculously, he wants his dad. He wants his mum. He wants his parents.”

Clearly I’m rereading Harry Potter and the welcome to the world of grey and OMG. This line makes me cry EVERY time I read it. Specifically the “he wants his mum.” Just that 4 word sentence reduces me to a blubbering mess of tears everytime. Such a short sentence. And I think that’s what makes me cry. It’s such a small sentence that in other contexts could be a loving and happy sentence. But here, it’s the ache of a teenager who misses his parents that he never even got to meet. Grieving and yearning and ACHING for people he never knew. I think the shortness and simplicity of the sentence makes Harry seem like a little boy again. But he’s not. He’s a 16 year old in the midst of a panic attack. And just-

Oh my gods I’m crying just writing about it. Enjoy my little rant I guess. It’s not eloquently written and not very long but that’s because there aren’t words that would suffice for me trying to explain the extricating pain the sentence both represents and makes me feel.

Theirs a kid on my bus who sends memes on airdrop, this was todays

It goes smth like [name redacted] the meme dealer has sent you an airdrop lmao

im gonna see the new little mermaid movie

all conte does is find excuses tho 😭😭 ??

i'm gonna be so heartbroken when nagi leaves reo's team.

DEITY. you asked what was distinct about your artstyle. not what was bad about your artstyle. you gotta handle what people tell you and then believe them when they tell you that they mean it as a compliment. you could tell me i draw really broad shoulders or something and i’d understand it to be either a neutral observation or compliment because we’re friends. *hits you with my ‘love-yourself’ broom*

I knowwwww

Okay so thoughts on episode 75

(Tw for mentions of abuse, religious trauma, isolation, neglect, and a lot of other intense stuff. This is a discussion of Gillion, his past, and how he’s changed. Sorry it’s kind of a ramble I just needed to get my feelings out).

One thing I have considered with Gillion Tidestrider is what drives Gillion to be so crazed in his search and defeat of evil. This episode has given a lot of context on that front. He was trained from a young age to see black and white to a disturbing degree. Since he was a child he was put in simulations not only with the enemy, but with their relations as well, such as their children. In these simulations he was probably forced to kill children, cementing in him the idea that evil is evil no matter the face. He was forced to take these actions not only for the elder’s approval but also because the situation was either kill or be killed.

With Charlie’s description of young Gillion I doubt that the elders spared any brutality when training the young Tidestrider. All the people in the simulation were programmed to kill him, and to have an immense hatred for him and his people. This creates a straw man for Gillion, an idea of the kinds of people who live on the oversea and how despicable they are. Gillion goes through this simulation again and again until the people’s faces are blurred and they just take the face of evil. When he was younger, he probably failed the simulation many times. Gillion mentions throughout the series how he’s not exactly “good” at being the Chosen One. In the sun temple he is excited at the prospect of there being another chosen one, saying “maybe he’s actually good at this.” In the flashback with Edyn in one of the earlier episodes, Gillion talks of his repeated failures.

Failure was a common theme of Gillion’s childhood. So his ideals, his antipathy towards evil, wasn’t only taught to him, it was beaten into him. As a child, in armor too big for him, he had to confront death time and time again. And the elders probably let him come close, to let him feel the consequences of evil intimately. So it makes so much sense how crazed Gillion is to fight evil. It’s pavloved into him, but also he doesn’t want anyone to feel like he did. He doesn’t want anyone else to be beaten or hurt, to feel fear and desperation. Although he gets rather brutal in his fighting of evil you can see his genuine care and empathy for the people he saves.

And in the oversea, it’s his first chance to be a real hero. For the first time Gillion is in an environment where he can actually win. In the undersea no matter how much good he did, the elders were still relentlessly disappointed in him. But in the oversea he can actually be a hero for once, a real one. He can finally save real people. That’s why I think he was so quick to make the deal with Nicklaus. He is so adamant to beat down evil, real evil, because it beat him down so many times. He won’t let others suffer like he did. This is what gives Gillion this kind of feral rage against it.

Shades of grey weren’t programmed into him, it’s evil that hurts people, evil that made him bruise and blister, and evil that made the elders disappointed in him. Tested again and again in simulation after simulation he is conditioned to butcher evil. And although his morals have changed, the deep urge inside him to hunt down evil will never dissipate. Killing is second nature to him. But there is no doubt that he has changed. After Gillion kills Grimm he doesn’t go after Anastasia because she had yet to do anything wrong. He doesn’t go after Aslana and her sisters even though they helped the empress. He doesn’t kill the king of Edison kingdom no matter the pain he caused, he doesn’t hurt Jay after she almost killed him, and there’s countless other examples.

Gillion could have easily been a villain if he hadn’t met Chip and Jay, two people that did some bad things but were not evil. They showed him that people don’t have to be perfect, that they have layers. As a kid sheltered from any kind of interaction besides the elders who he deemed as perfect people, that’s something incredibly important for him to learn. He regarded his own flaws as aberrations his doubts as failures but his friends make him realize that those things are incredibly normal. Through this Gillion realizes that the elder’s teachings are flawed. Though he still has the strong urge to hurt evildoers, his evolution of what is evil has changed. And he has evolved as a person as well, from Champion of the undersea hero of the deep, to something a bit more like Gillion Tidestrider, friend of Chip and Jay.

well hello there.

Carmilla is ... well Carmilla

You know, the lesbian vampire from the novel also named Carmilla

I know very little about Carmilla (the novel) apart from the general story but still it shouldn't have taken this long to figure out.

I feel stupid on so many levels.

It is so obvious.

Ok, so bye.

this is your aggressive reminder that the tea & toast blurb party is CLOSED

im taking a break

Drawing my junior's face 👀 .at this time,I'm just too lazy to draw eyes so voila