#so I guess I might as well work on breaking my self-destructive conditioning | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abeautifulblog · 4 years

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12 and 6 for the writing asks?

Yassssss~

12) My favorite place to write is our courtyard patio:

We live in the literal desert, so it gets too hot to be out there during the afternoon, but it’s lovely in the mornings and the evenings, and I’ve got my chair set up with a little rolling desk I built for my laptop. It’s also enclosed, so it’s safe for my blind & stupid cat to come enjoy the outdoors with me. (No really, I love her but she’s an idiot and also completely blind.)

(And yes, I gave Gene my own hobby when I wrote him as a gardener.)

6) Hardest story to write: haaah, I think you guys can probably guess the answer to this, based on which installments took the longest to get out – “Bodies in the Lake” and “Love Like Light.” And the common denominator there was making those nerds bone.

So yeah, now that I can finally talk about what was going on behind the scenes – why did those take so long?

Part of it was just that as the fic came to an end, there were fewer things left to write, so if I got stuck on one thing, there was really nothing else for me to work on in the mean time. “The Old College Try,” for instance, had been in the works since “This House,” but when I was blocked on it, I could put it on the backburner and write six billion remixes of the bake sale instead.

So after the Thanksgiving chapter, when they finally clear the air about Robert’s mental illness, the next item to check off the list was “nerds get sum fuk” – and I really thought they were ready to get down to it. I was planning a comedy romp at a bigfoot-themed ski lodge that would end with them hopping in the sack. I thought their issues were resolved already.

And then it just.

Wasn’t.

Happening.

Was the setting wrong? I’d chosen to put them on holiday as way to shake up the scenery, get them out of their usual (sexless) routine and perhaps embolden them to try something new. Should I have left them at Gene’s house, where Robert feels safe and comfortable? But then what’s the catalyst that makes them do it NOW, when they haven’t done it BEFORE? What makes Robert decide that now is the “right time”? How do I signal to the readers that it’s okay for them to have sex now, when earlier (like in “Ghosts in the Attic”) it would have been disastrous?

But yeah, I had been trying to make them fuck since chapter 18. It’s why that chapter is shot through with sex, why Robert has a boner for basically the entire first half – and not in the freaky-dissonant way that he did in “Ghosts in the Attic,” but as a natural, healthy reaction to his beloved boyfriend rubbing up on him in slinky yoga pants. It was to telegraph that sex is on the agenda, so that it wouldn’t be coming out of left field when they consummated at the end of the chapter.

It’s why the working title for “Bodies in the Lake” was sex_happens.doc – until it became clear that sex wasn’t going to happen. That the issues raised in “Ghosts in the Attic” were still completely unresolved. Indeed, Gene still didn’t even know those issues existed.

Gene is very good at handling Robert’s crises when it’s something he’s been through before with Alex – but when Robert steps off-script, Gene’s suddenly winging it, and it shows. Alex had a lot of sexual partners in the past too – as people who are outgoing and bisexual and dtf often do – but he never did Robert’s brand of self-destructive, self-loathing promiscuity, and so Gene has no understanding of the psychology behind that behavior, or why it’s different from Alex’s form of slutting around.

And then Mary was supposed to just smack some sense into him and shove him back into Gene’s loving arms, but holy shit, did that conversation get derailed. And as an author, when a character looks you in the eye and says, It’s time to talk about this, you let them talk.

That was when my housemate-beta, who’d been there for all my agonizing over how to make them fuck, said, “You have to break this up into two chapters. This conversation here, it’s the emotional climax.” And she was absolutely right, but that’s why the sex got delayed another year. 😫

(I had not, going into that chapter, intended for them to have that conversation. I thought I was showing their character growth in the gym scene at the beginning, which features a number of deliberate callbacks to the first chapter except for all the ways that they’re healthier now, drinking smoothies instead of mimosas and actually TALKING about feelings. I had not realized they were going to DOUBLE THE FUCK DOWN on character growth later.)

So that was “Bodies in the Lake” finally out, after only eleven months (and I do consider that chapter a conscious bookend to “Ghosts in the Attic”), but I still had yet to make them fuck.

(I feel like some exotic zookeeper – like, I have created the perfect conditions for you, have I not, so why won’t you two just fuck already??)

Because it’s not just about being horny and wanting to get their rocks off (anyone with a sex drive knows how to take care of that on their own), it’s about the profoundly intimate connection that sex can be for sexual people. (The misunderstanding around this is something I find distressing in asexual discourse, when it reduces sex to a one-dimensional, even selfish, urge. I understand that not everyone experiences sex the same way, but there’s nothing selfish about wanting to feel that kind of connection with your partner.)

Not to mention that the hard ban on sex would inhibit other forms of intimacy too – that Robert can’t do ANYTHING without part of his brain keeping track of whether it’s okay or not, worrying how far is too far, knowing that there’s a stopping point coming up. It feels analogous to how queer celebrities, before they come out, seem to have almost no public personality whatsoever – Anderson Cooper and Kristin Stewart are the ones who come to mind here – because they’re having to police themselves so stringently lest anything ‘kinda gay’ slip out, that they wind up clamping down on themselves far beyond that. (And then when they do come out and are free to be themselves, it turns out they’re smart and snarky and all-around cool people!) I feel like after the sex barrier’s been broken, Robert would become a lot more relaxed and uninhibited with non-sexual intimacy too.

I’d had the first half of that chapter written for ages – the conversation after Robert comes back to the house and he explains that period of his life to Gene – but I couldn’t seem to give them that final push. I made a lot of attempts, tweaking my approach in subtle ways, but nothing quite rang true.

It was my friend Sam (dude who wrote the Craig fic) who finally said, They need to fight.

(And also that Gene needed to get pushed off his pedestal – “Because I have BEEN that endlessly patient and supportive boyfriend, and it gets old.”)

And as soon as he said it, I realized he was right – I’d done the thing, the thing that every guide on writing sex tells you not to do, which is to neatly wrap up all the characters’ interpersonal issues and tie them off with a bow and then let them fall into bed. It’s what feels logical, but it is death to drama, because then there’s no tension, and no reason for the reader to pay attention during the sex scene that follows, because there’s nothing going to be accomplished in it.

…Buuuut, when I’d spent 100k words writing a love story about careful consent, and a protagonist who doesn’t have a good handle on his own desires, there was no way for me to let them barrel through sex on a full head of passion and talk about it afterwards. It’s why they had to stop halfway through and dial it back a bit, touch base and explicitly confirm that yes, I want to proceed, bring them back from the edge for a while so it clearly wasn’t just their downstairs brains doing the decision-making.

The result is that it’s not as sexy as I might have hoped for, and while I’m a little disappointed about that, it’s checked by the knowledge that – realistically – there’s no way it could have been. Scorching hot sex requires the participants to be uninhibited, and Robert and Gene can’t afford to throw caution to the wind when they’re venturing into a known minefield. They’ll be able to relax into it later, for sure, but for their first time, they had to be mindful and deliberate about it.

(And also hearkening back to a thought Robert had in “Ghosts in the Attic,” that he wanted to make Gene smile and laugh during sex. In essence, that his vision for them, what he wanted out of sex, was more for it to be intimate than for it to be hawt.

Ah well. Stay tuned for the hookup AU – basically, all the scorching-hot sex they weren’t having in Beautiful Day wound up in the hookup AU instead)

So yeah, getting them to bone was definitely the hardest part of this fic. There were so many factors involved thanks to Robert’s various issues, that required a lot of careful calibration – and in the end, he still had to take a leap of faith. And while it’s not my favorite part of the fic, now that it’s done I can get on with finishing the rest of it. The final chapter doesn’t have anything really fraught (that hasn’t already been written), so I’m optimistic that it’s not going to give me as much trouble as the previous two chapters.

#asks #sex happens

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razorblade180 · 5 years

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OC test:Memory lane

Each person is placed in a room with two locks on it. One will be opened by sharing a precious memory, while the other gets unlocked by a sad one. No tricks or gimmicks to get out.

Yujin:Well this is an interesting test; making people open up just to get through a door. I might as well start with the hard part then. When I was nine I ended up getting a fight at school on my birthday. Me being basically motherless was no secret to anyone and always made things awkward. A presentation on the huntsman of our choice was due that day so naturally I chose my dad; it was a no brainer. Most kids chose their parents or a legendary huntsman from our history books. So when one of my classmates did his entire project Yang it caught me off guard.

Yujin:For what had to have been only ten minutes, I sat and listened to him do nothing but praise her; going into detail about how she’s one of the best. Telling the entire class that she’ll be there to help no matter what. Without warning I stood up and started yelling at him; telling him how wrong he was. “She can’t be around to help her own kid! How could anyone consider her the best?” What really made me lose it was his response. “Maybe she has more important things to do?” Looking back, I don’t remember those words holding any malice. That didn’t stop me from breaking his nose right then and there. *tensing up*

Yujin:When I say dad was mad, he was furious. We must’ve yelled back and forth for hours when we got home. To the point my voice started to give out a little; whinnying about how he could still possibly love a woman like her. Trying to convince him that she would never come back to us, to him. It must’ve worked for a second because the shouting stopped. My bratty self thought I’d finally won the argument; all I did was make him cry. The man that has done so much to fill the void; the one I dedicated an entire presentation to. Was crying because I tried smothering what little hope he must’ve had left. *sniffling* I hugged him tight without a second thought and sobbed as I apologized. That was the day everything sort of changed for me; the day I realized I hated mom.

*one lock snaps off*

Yujin:*shaking her head* Okay, time for the happy stuff! I don’t even have to think hard about this one! There’s a convention that happens every year that always has amazing things for aspiring huntsman and awesome guests on panels. When I was 11 I was super excited that I finally got a chance to go and it just so happened that year my absolute favorite up and coming huntress was attending! Her name is Lilith and she’s just, everything. People compare her to Pyrrha Nikos since she’s such a prodigy and winner of multiple regional tournaments. I’m like two years younger than her and just admire her personality. If I had to pick a role model around my age it’s definitely her.

Yujin:Anyways, I unfortunately caught the flu the day of the convention and had to miss it. The entire time I was in bed snotty and crying over it until Tenzen sent me a video. That joker never once mentioned to me that he got invited to the convention because of his rising internet fame, so when I saw that he sent me a video with Lilith wishing me a speedy recovery I actually almost died. Not only that, he got her to sign some merchandise for me with personal messages. That alone was enough for me but afterwards he came over and told me he recently unlocked his semblance. Tenzen managed to convince my dad to let me out the house that night and I got to experience just how fast he could run at the time; felt almost like a roller coaster. I swear that boy never ceases to amaze me. *blushing* To this day he’s always looking for me and trying to get me to smile.

*second lock snaps off and she walks through slowly.*

Tenzen:Bad memory? Well I can’t pick a specific event but I can easily choose a time period; the first four years following the attack on my parents. My mom bounced back physically from it in almost no time at all but my father.... his damage was all but completely crippling. A lot of broken bones, bruised organs, and broken back. He couldn’t do work anything to the fullest anymore so he just....shut down. There were days I didn’t even see him because didn’t get out of bed. Worst part of it all was I could tell how bad he wanted to not feel the way he did but couldn’t. It tore my mom apart to feel so useless and it’s pretty rough for me to see both of them just exhausted; maybe that’s why I try staying positive and hopeful. Trying to make up for years five to nine. Thankfully things got better which I guess brings me to my happy memory.

Tenzen:One day there was a dancing contest in Vale with a cash prize. Thought I’d help pay for some medical bills so I got to practicing in secret. I came in first place surprisingly and immediately rushed back home to surprise them. I didn’t expect him to ask me to perform it so I was a bit taken back at first. *chuckles* both of their jaws dropped when they saw me do their dance routine from their time at Beacon. The rest of the day was just filled with different music and cheers as I treated them to a live concert basically. After that things just slowly started changing; I got more serious with dancing and also started training. Who would’ve thought an old dance routine was the answer to making my dad feel like himself again.

*both locks snap off easily and he walks through happily*

Jacquelyn:Oooo so I have to tell a story to get out? No problem, a lot about me has been shared already but there’s definitely some good highlights that haven’t been really explored. *blushing* This is gonna sound really cheesy but I think one of my best memories is Adam saying he loved me. It was a couple years after Salem had been beaten. During that time I still had wavering beliefs if he’d actually stick with being reformed; there certainly was time where it almost felt progress was about to slip away. However, after a certain incident happened and the arrival of Jael all that anxiety melted away. I can still remember his smile when he held her close and told me. After that I knew he’d be okay; that we will be okay. Bad memories are easy. Becoming a maiden and the destruction of my home.

*door opens and she calmly walks through without a second thought*

Sienna:Getting adopted is by far the happiest memory I have. I finally felt safe in Jacquelyn and Adam’s arms after where they found me. *ears fold down* the time I spent before that was very.......

Her face goes cold as her mouth dries out. She just slowly starts nodding and thinking; almost like she’s entered a trance.

Sienna:Painful, it was very painful both physically and mentally. C...can I go now please?

*the locks pop off and she exits the room; still a bit shaken up.*

Jael:Happiest memory is perfecting my version of the moon slice. Dad wouldn’t teach me so mom taught me in secret. Not really the most touching thing I suppose but it just makes me feel closer to him somehow. Even though he still doesn’t know. I have my fair share of bad memories too though. If I had to pick one... it would be the day I realized just how bad my heart condition really was. I always thought the major drawback was hindering my physical performance in anything I do; I was wrong. There’s this girl back where I live that I’ve known about two years now. She’s the only person who’s not afraid to speak to me that’s my age. Actually, she’s one of the only people that speak to me at all. We’ve gotten close, really close...*blushing*. It’s pretty obvious that I like her but it’s not healthy for me to be around her too long. My heart literally can’t take it; I tried kissing her once and almost ended up unconscious on the floor. Pure emotions aren’t a luxury I can’t afford to have. If I truly try to live in the moment, it might just be my last. This life I live is....hardly living at all.

*The doo unlocks but she doesn’t leave. Instead she leans against it, taking a moment to think*

Nick:Winning my first competition with Summer was a pretty great time. It was sort of like our debut to all of Atlas; showing them the Schnee’s are as strong as ever. I don’t ever think I’ve seen mom so proud of the two of us. Visiting Summer in the hospital after lake incident is the worst of my memories. I was...scared one of those visits were going to end horribly. I still don’t like hospitals.

*door swings open as he rushes out*

Summer:Nicholas would think I’m insane but his hospital visits are some of my most cherished memories. We always argued as kids but those visits were proof of how much he cared about me. If anything had to come out of that tragedy then I’m glad it was that. First day of combat school was a living nightmare for me though. *tensing up* we had to get changed into our combat gear and it was the first time I’ve ever been in a locker room. All the girls stared at my scars when I started to undress; gasping and showing grossed out expressions. It got so bad that I dropped out of the class for a year. Eventually I just powered through it but I’m still not comfortable with showing my skin. It’s the reason I’m always wearing long clothes.

*She waits for the doors to open before briskly leaving*

Valerie:My life is pretty boring honestly. I’m pretty sure anybody else has a much better memories. I good memory I have is my mom staying up with me all night the time I broke my arm. The numbing medicine wore off and the pain got really bad. She distracted me from it by just keeping me company until I passed out. I don’t really have bad memories....frankly I have a hard time even feeling important with how talented everyone else is. Almost like I’m dead weight.

*the locks surprisingly accept both responses and the door cracks open. She pushes her way through.*

Lucas:Best memory, writing a book. Worst memory, activating my semblance.....

*and just like that he was out of the room. No words or movements wasted what so ever*

Girl:....... *sits down and leans on it* Sorry, I don’t feel like opening up to something that’s supposed to open for me. Guess I fail this test; not that it matters. Can’t win them all; just ones that matter. *goes to sleep*

#rwby #my oc’s #yujin xiao long #lie tenzen #jacquelyn frost #sienna frost #jael frost #nicholas schnee #summer schnee #val valkyrie #lucas belladonna #@elzetastuff OC is lilith #oc test

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pfandghoul · 5 years

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what the sokovia accords really are

a quick study bc what the fuck guys

(copied from the mcu wiki entry about the accords - all of it and not just parts of it)

here goes:

The currently known regulations established by the Sokovia Accords include:

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

- Any who AGREE to sign. I dont think this is asking too much. If ur working for a government agency, if ur using force in any way during ur work, I think its fair to ask you to give them biometric data. And if its only so in case there is an investigation afterwards (which their always should be imo) its clear distinguishable who was where and did what.

- Also, what if someone suddenly decides "something happened, im changing sides, imma take revenge" (no matter if its a concious decision or brainwashing 👀)? Would probably be good to have some data and perhaps be able to track them. If its managable or not- hm. But theres no harm in giving that data if ur only goal is working towards a safer world.

-----

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

- Oh nooo, no unknown vigilantes that might make mistakes while fighting on their own and then cant be held accountable? No one is perfect, OF COURSE, but from a realistic pov I wouldnt feel safe with someone running around fighting whoever-

And I know we love the romantic comic fantasy of "everybody can be a hero", and I swear I love it as much as you! But imagine ur just a normal person while spiderman is swinging above ur head- or even imagine ur spiderman- and then one tiny thing wents wrong. The normal person is crushed, dead or paralysed- Spiderman is in shock because that was Not supposed to happen and he is so so sorry!- But what now?

- If enhanced people were to work under an organisation (that is ideally not as shady and riddled with Hydra as Shield was) then those incidents would be covered. Yes it would still be terrible but Spiderman would get mandatory therapy session to work through it and the normal person... well if theyre dead then i guess the organisation would at least pay for the funeral and compensate the family (like if they were the only one providing for partner and kids), additionally a conversation between both partys if possible.

-Basically: nothing can be swept under the rug. The enhanced people can be protected!!! PLUS they only have to reveal their identity to the UN and not the world.

---------

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

- This would benefit the person with power too, you realize that, dont you?

You cant possibly know how much power you actually have. Is there gonna be another level-up for you? Are you Jean Grey? We wouldnt want to repeat that specific clusterfuck, right?

But if you submit to an analysis it can help find ways to train you, circle ur weaknesses, etc.

Yes the UN would know ur threat level- and that would be bad why? Are you planning to attack Them? If not then no problem. Instead they would know if they should send you in or not- depending... you dont need a level 5 when there is a cat in a tree. We want to avoid unnecessary damage, thank you. If ur a level 1 you also dont want to be on the front lines against an alien invasion for example- better help evacuate non-powered individuals and not die immediately.

- Also worth mentioning: this is all still part of the "if you agree to sign" paragraph

-------

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

- Yes I admit this one sucks. I could argue the pros but I dont really want to because this one is literally just a "we want to control you" rule and should be scratched.

------- (new paragraph in the accords)----

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own, unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

- I really want to think I dont have to say anything here but I feel I do.

No I do not want a guy wearing an american flag running around in my country if my government didnt explicitely allow it. Same for a giant tin man or a creepy spiderlady.

- If anything then this paragraph would help improve the communication between countries. Yes people fear that in emergencies this will all take too long but 1) thats not the Accords fault and 2) I think we already have situations like this irl and most times it does work.

---------

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders, unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- Same reasoning. I really really dont want Shield around with their shady everything.

- And always needing consent before weaking havoc in other countries? nice

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

- Basically if you dont sign up then you cant be a super-cop. Groundbreaking.

(This is very much explained in the first paragraph already.)

----------

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- s a m e t h i n g

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

- Cancel the without trial part and then Id say its just. This way it stinks and I feel Ross had his hands in this. No, I am not defending this one. Its Not Okay.

------(new paragraph)-------

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

- You cant just experient and turn urself into the Hulk anymore??? Where is the fun in that?? //sarcasm//

- I dont need to go deeper into this, do I?

-------

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligences is completely prohibited.

- Here comes a problem. For Tony mostly.

- I can think of a few reasons for this but I dont think many people are even capable of doing this. I think it would bd enough to file a request if you want to try and build an AI.

--------(new paragraph)----

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

- See.. all of the above on why this is a good thing?

- The Avengers as a private organisation is actually a super scary thought. And if you arent at least a little freaked out about this (all from the point of looking at this as if it were real) then idk what to tell you.

---------(new paragraph)-------

For the purposes of the Accords, an "enhanced individual" is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. However, individuals with advanced prostheses do not seem to be considered "enhanced", even if their prostheses give them capabilities beyond those of ordinary humans.

- Basically just explaining what they mean by "enhanced individual": people with powers. Doesnt matter if you are born with ur power or built urself a supersuit.

-If you got leg protheses that are super bouncy you arent considered an "enhanced individual" (to put it as simple as possible).

-----

All members of the Avengers are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves: Black Widow was required to sign so she could continue serving on the Avengers, and Hawkeye was incarcerated on the Raft after violating the Accords.

- I think this is fair because if you consider urself an Avenger and fight with them then you also should be held accountable.

- You wouldnt want a Someone to work in super-person capacity which both gives a great deal of responsibility and allows a high chance of fuck ups and destruction without them having any regulations, okay?

AND THATS ALL THERE IS

THATS ALL THE MCU WIKI SAYS THERE IS

Which is ofc bullshit because the Accords were thick and 117 countries worked on them for idk how long. Do you understand what that takes? The compromises and politic battles thats been fought over this document?

And yes it is still not perfect.

But who in the seven Hells said that this was the final draft? Who??

"I dont wanna sign away my freedom of choice" F you! What about my freedom of choice of having some costumed weirdos run around my town blowing stuff up killing people?

"We cant save everyone" yEAH but maybe just mAyBe if you werent a dumb cunt then mayyybe with some teamwork with the countries respective secrurity personell (as every fucking country does have) then maybe Kyle, Maria and Dembe would still be alive?? Who knows.

So what I hear is "I dont wanna give up my freedom and continue to do as I see fit. Because I think I am a better judge than a UN committee and 117 governments that dont want me breaking into their countries on a semi-regular basis."

and thats why im generally pro-Accords :)

#marvel #marvel civil war #civil war #captain america civil war #cacw #sokovia accords #iron man #pro accords #anti-steve rogers #no i dont wanna fight lma

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btsareyandere · 5 years

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Prompt list 2, #3 with Jin PLEASE! oho!

Embarrassed

The collar of your dress is choking you as he pulls you along the hallway to the basement, you try to stand on your tiptoes to help ease the tension around your neck but his grip on the back of your clothing only tightens and lifts even higher.

Your lips are tingling when he finally lets you go but that odd fuzzy sensation is replaced by a slow spread of warmth as a result of your face hitting the ground, you’re mesmerized by the shiny red droplets that give way to gravity and land on your clothing. Without a single word of concern for your wellbeing or a second glance over his shoulder, Jin slams the door.

You wish you could say you don’t deserve this, however, even you suppose you might. Jin had invited some business investors to the home and gave you strict instructions to be seen and not heard. This is normal, you expect this by now, you deal with the forced submission quite well after all this time. What you weren’t expecting though was how much the wives of these high powered proprietors would treat you.

All night you kept your mouth shut and your head low as instructed, taking comment after comment about how you are only with Jin for his money, how the maids appear to be uneducated and even the staff should be of a decent standard. Like the obedient wife you are, you took it and took it, that is until they let one last comment slip after dinner was through, one tiny comment that somehow breaks any restraint you have left.

“ Look at the poor man, I bet he wants to be with another woman yet she keeps him trapped. Such a shame”.

That was it, all the shackles of fear and pain Jin had tied you down with were now falling away, two years worth of belittling comments and emotional conditioning were suddenly forgotten as you poured your wine on the head of the ringleader. Looking back, you should have guessed she would be the wife of the egotistical man sat unnaturally close to Jin, the two of them look like they fit together.

Jin, of course, was beyond furious, he didn’t even give you time to explain or defend yourself before he slapped you in front of everyone and offered the wife free access to your closet.

“What? No, not my clothes. Jin you can’t give that bitch permission to look through my things” you protested loudly.

Another slap returned utter silence to the room before Jin dragged you off. You lie on the bitterly cold cement floor and laugh, there’s nothing more you can do really, it’s certain that your immediate future will be filled with suffering and the only way to cope is to laugh.

It’s been less than a minute when the door opens again and Jin rushes in to kick you, the air in your lungs shoots out and vanishes, seemingly taking the rest of the oxygen in the room with it.

You’re struggling to catch your breath when he kneels down and sits you up with a tight grip on your shoulders, “ I was going to leave, I was going to come back when I was calmer but all I can hear is your fucking laughter. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how much damage you have caused? Not to mention the embarrassment to my name and reputation. I TRAINED YOU BETTER THAN THIS Y/N” he is mirroring you now as you both struggle for breath.

A smile threatens to appear on your face as you once again realise that this really has to be a joke, in what world would you be treated like this? It’s beyond belief.

“She deserved it. Consider it charity work. Would it have been too much to ask for you to defend me? The way you treat me is sick Jin. Look at yourself” you spat.

You watch his head roll back as he lets out a deep breath before snapping back to you to grab your face, his grip tightens until you can taste blood where your teeth are cutting into your inner cheek.

“Charity work? Shit, You think you’re some kind of saint but you’re not. You call me sick but you’re the real monster. Look at yourself, you’ve been laughing this whole time, there’s something wrong with you. You’re lucky I keep you here with all my rules, you’d be a burden to society and a Self-destructive mess if I didn’t give you structure.” He pushes you back to the floor so he can stand over you, “you’ll stay in here until your face is less of a mess. I won’t have you embarrass me further”.

@jinnenchimchim @v-2bucky @aria101404

#yandere bts #yandere jin #yandere prompts #bts jin #bts

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agentmarymargaretskitz · 5 years

Text

My Name’s Jeff

Happy birthday to my birthday twin @somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds! I love our shenanigans with Legends and Hannibal and Constangreen and everything. Even though we’re angst monsters, I couldn’t help but make something on the side of fluffy. Here’s to hopefully surviving the finale tonight and angsting and self-projecting on Gary more!

Ao3

“Wakey wakey.”

John sat upright in the armchair he’d crashed in the night before. He had vague memories of splitting one of Rip Hunter’s last bottles of whiskey with Charlie and Mick in the parlor. Based on the minor ache in his skull, he’d had his fair share of it. There had been worse hangovers though,

“What’s happening?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes to get a clearer image of Charlie perched in front of him. “Did we break time again?”

“Nope,” the shapeshifter snorted. “Another missions. Up and at ‘em, Johno!”

He groaned and rolled off the chair. Mick was absent from the parlor, but soon appeared on the bridge a few moments later looking as miserable as John felt. At least the arsonist had made it to his room the previous night. The rest of the team, including Ava, was already waiting for the three of them to be ready for duty.

“Sharpie,” John raised his hand in greeting. “Good to see you. Where’s the rest of the Bureau entourage?”

“Mona and Nate are holding down the fort,” the director replied curtly. “Gary took the day off. Something about picking up his dad from the airport, but that’s the point. We’ve got a new alert that came up this morning.”

“Well, what’s cropped up this time?”

Ray pulled up a few newspaper clippings on the central console. “Our latest mythtery-”

The reactions to that ranged from cringes to sighs.

“-is in Minnesota, 1989. People in a small town start getting attacked and killed by some kind of wild animal. Authorities are never able to figure out what it is, but people reported hearing dogs or wolves nearby the crime scenes. No normal animal can do this much damage.”

A photograph enlarged to display a severely mauled corpse. It was hard to tell it had been ever been human.

Zari shuddered. “Gross.”

Sara nodded. “Whatever did this wasn’t originally from our world. What kind of creature does this though?”

John walked forward and took a closer look at the pictures. An involuntary shudder traveled down his spine. He had seen bodies in this condition before and knew what could do that kind of damage. The worst part about it was that theses creatures were only able to do bidding for another.

“You recognize it too, don’t you?” Charlie said.

“Hellhound,” John confirmed.

“Those are a thing?” Ray asked.

“Oh, they are,” Charlie nodded. “Except they weren’t in the slammer with me. They’re from-“

“Let me take a wild guess, hell?”

John nodded to answer Zari’s question. “They can be summoned from there, but it takes an immense amount of energy.”

“What’s the point of summoning a hellhound?” Mick muttered. “Get a hitman.”

“Oh, if you really want revenge, then you call up a hellhound,” John told him. “They will do all your bidding and cause as much destruction as your black heart desires. Controlling them ain’t easy, and they can go on a rampage if you lose it.”

“Okay, so now we know what it is,” Sara said, bringing the conversation back to the mission. “So someone could have lost control over the hellhound, that explains the massacre. Four people died in total during this, so any one of them could have been the original target. My money’s on the first dead guy.”

“Makes sense,” Ava agreed. “We find out who did it, get to them, and then deal with the hound. I’m going to have to call Mona and see how much she needs to prep to care for one.”

“Don’t bother,” John shook his head and turned around. “This one is going straight back to hell. You can’t keep a killing machine like this in the Bureau.”

“We’ll see about that,” Ava muttered. “Okay, who was the first victim?”

Ray scrolled past a few articles. “A plumber. He was killed outside his home in the middle of the night. No witnesses.”

“Why would someone want to kill a plumber?” Zari asked as everyone made their way to their seats to strap in for the time jump.

“No idea,” Sara shrugged. “But clearly someone bit off more than they could chew with revenge.”

~~~

The plan was straightforward. Half of the Legends would tail the plumber. The rest of them would search for any sign of the hellhound and piece together the trail of destruction to see if there was any connections between the attacks. Unfortunately, John hadn’t been able to find any sign of a summoning from hell occurring recently. However, there were traces of other magical presences in the town, but John and Charlie couldn’t figure out what it belonged to.

“You sure this is the one who died?” John asked as he, Ray, and Charlie sat out in a car outside the plumber’s house. “He doesn’t seem to have done anything to piss anyone off.”

“Z thinks he’s clean too,” Charlie agreed. “She ran his record. But then again, there’s always something deep down.”

“Hey, he’s coming out,” Ray pointed ahead of the house where their victim was now exiting with a bag of trash. “Be quiet.”

“He won’t be able to hear-” Charlie began as John started rolling down the window. “Hey, what are you-”

“Shhh,” John frowned. “You smell that?”

Ray’s nose wrinkled. “Smells like sulfur.”

“It’s here,” Charlie opened the car door. “Let’s do this.”

The men followed after the shapeshifter as the smell became even stronger. A different man was coming down the other end of the street in a nice suit while the plumber lugged the trash bag towards a can on the burn. From the shadows, Charlie swore someone was chanting in a different language before the pavement on the street cracked. The Legends, along with the men on the street, turned towards it and watched it grow larger. A massive dark beast burst out of the ground, snarling and slobbering. The plumber screamed, but the hellhound was more focused on the other man. Charlie had a sudden realization that they might have been following the wrong victim.

“Uhhh,” the new man took a step back. “Nice dog?”

The hellhound growled and lunged- only to be clipped across the snout by a laser.

“Stay back!” Ray shouted, his gauntlet aimed at the beast as it turned towards him.

“And now you’ve pissed it off,” John grumbled, turning to the stunned plumber while Ray shot the hound again. “Get inside, now!”

The plumber didn’t need to be told twice as he scampered back to his house. Meanwhile, the other man was backing away as the hellhound got back on its paws and crept towards him. Ray hurried forward and did all that he could to keep the hellhound distracted. Charlie made a move to grab the man off the sidewalk and run him back to the car. Ray was right behind with the Atom gauntlet still on his arm and pointed at the hellhound. John was doing some kind of spell, one Charlie recognized would send the creature back to the pits of hell.

Except it wasn’t working.

“John, come on!”

“Hang on!” he shouted before swearing and chanting something else that sent the hellhound flying back into a streetlight.

“Why didn’t you send it back to hell?” Charlie yelled as John ran back to the car and drove inside.

“I couldn’t!” John shot back as Charlie stepped on the gas. “Someone’s keeping it tethered to Earth.”

“Uh, what’s happening?” the man they’d brought from the street whimpered in the backseat. “I don’t know who you people are, but you can’t take me. I have to go home.”

“Do that and you endanger anyone there that you love,” John snapped while they all kept running red lights. “I managed to slow that thing down with a spell. Its tracking will be messed up long enough to give us a day. Sooner or later, it’ll wear off and then it’ll come after you again. Right now, the safest place for you is with us.”

“Oh god,” the man murmured, eyes wide in terror. “I can’t go home. They’ll be in danger. Wait, you’re in danger too now if you’re with me, right?”

“Danger’s just another Tuesday for us,” Ray offered lightly. “Don’t worry, we’re going to help sort this out. Then you can go back to your home.”

“Will my kids at home be safe from the hellhound if I’m not there?”

Charlie frowned at how calm he was while calling the thing a hellhound, but John nodded. “They only go after your live scent.”

“So they’ll be okay. Oh, thank goodness. Wherever you’re taking me, can I get a phone to call my sister? I had a date and she’s the one watching my kids.”

Ray smiled. “Definitely, but don’t mention this whole…situation just yet.”

“Yeah,” the man nodded. “Do you people work for the government or something?”

“In a way,” John shrugged, turning around to the backseat. “You gotta a name?”

“Jeff. Jeff Green.”

Charlie looked away from the road long enough to meet Jeff’s eyes and could tell he was hiding something. “Well, Jeff, don’t worry. We’ll get this all sorted.”

~~~

Once they got back to the Waverider, they put Jeff in the old brig with a cot and a phone that he could call his sister with. The group listened in on the conversation and were relieved that he didn’t giver her too much information about the circumstances. Meanwhile, they all tried to figure out what to do next, since the plumber hadn’t been the target like they suspected. Gideon did find out that the last person to die in the string of attacks had been Jeff Green, and the activity had ceased immediately after. Since the plumber had been saved, they now had figure out how the other two deaths could have connected to Jeff and how to stop all three from being killed.

“The hellhound’s still out there, but he can’t track Jeff right now,” Ray told the others. “John put a sort of spell on it that gives us a day before it strikes again. So it can’t go after Jeff for a while.”

“That’s good news,” Sara nodded. “Can it go after anyone else?”

“It’s like blindfolding someone’s senses,” John told her. “The beast can still run around, but it won’t be certain of what it’s following. Daytime also makes it weak, it’s sensitive to light and it’ll hide. So We’ve just got whatever’s left of the night to worry about now, then time to figure this out in the day.”

“Okay,” Sara nodded. “Ava and I will go stake out the other two just in case for the rest of the night. The rest of you stay on board and see if you can figure out why the hellhound went after Jeff.”

“Speaking of that,” Charlie turned away from the screen. “Either of you boys notice that he knew what a hellhound was, even though we never told him.”

Ray frowned as he recalled the conversation. “We…we didn’t tell him.”

Everyone looked at the screen where Jeff was now pacing back and forth in front of the phone.

“He seemed pretty concerned that he couldn’t go home to his family,” Charlie said. “If I was more a bleeding heart, I would focus on that too.”

“So what, he knows monsters are real?” Mick asked.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” John sighed. “Town’s got a magical stench about it. There’s more than just a hellhound here. But Jeff is a human.”

“Doesn’t mean he might not know anyone who is secretly a fugitive,” Ava suggested. “Where was he before the hellhound attacked?”

“A date. He was coming back from it, I think.”

“If I might interrupt,” Gideon called. “But Dr. Green appears to be making a call to a second number. Perhaps that will shed some more light on the situation.”

“Turn the audio on,” Sara ordered. “Everyone hush for this.”

On the screen, Jeff stopped pacing and stood where he was in the cell. “Puck, it’s Jeff. A hellhound came after me when I was heading back to my car. I’m safe with some people, don’t worry. I don’t know if you’re in danger because of it, but please be careful. I can’t lose another person I love.”

With that, he hung up and sat back down on the cot.

“Well then,” Sara spun to face the rest of the team. “He does know about hellhounds.”

“And so does this Puck he called,” Ava added. “That’s two people so far.”

Zari cracked her fingers. “I’m going to see if I can find anything on this guy. Or Jeff for that matter.”

“Ava and I will watch over the other two,” Sara told them. “The rest of you watch over Jeff or see if there’s anything to break the spell keeping it here.”

~~~

“How much did you find on Jeff or Puck?” Sara asked as she stumbled into the kitchen at sunrise.

“Nothing on Puck,” Zari reported. “I don’t have a last name, but I can’t find anyone with one that name anywhere in this time. Jeff Green, on the other hand, is about as normal as you can get. He’s a dentist in the town and has no priors, no arrests, not mob ties. His wife died a few years ago and he has three kids, but there’s nothing remarkable about him at all.”

“A hellhound attacked him,” John reminded them. “Which means he did something.”

“Well, he did say he had that date,” Charlie said as she sat on top of the counter with a box of cereal. “And with other magical creatures in the town, it’s possible he could have been on a date with one of them. Maybe it went poorly and this was revenge?”

“Pretty strong revenge,” Sara muttered. “But what if…what if Puck was the date?”

Zari nodded. “Jeff did say he couldn’t lose someone else he loved, right? Makes sense to me.”

Sara yawned. “John, can you talk to Jeff and see if you can get him to tell you anything about Puck? Zari, keep digging, there’s got to be something. Maybe Puck’s a fake name or-”

“Oh, bloody hell!” Charlie slammed her hands on the counter before sliding off and storming out. The others stared in confusion before turning back to each other.

“I’m going to look into Puck,” Zari announced.

“Gonna sleep soon,” Sara yawned. “John?”

“Yeah, I’m going.”

~~~

When John entered the brig, Jeff was awake. He looked up quickly as soon as the doors of the cell opened. The unease on his face was all too obvious. Clean record or not, he’d clearly been involved in something. Time to find out what that was.

“Just me,” John said as he entered the cell. “Captain asked me to check up on you. Quite the scare you had last night.”

“I’m okay. Have you dealt with the thing yet? Not to be impatient, but I really want to get back home.”

“As soon as it’s taken care of, you can,” John promised, pulling out a cigarette. “You wouldn’t happen to know why it would want to attack you, would you?”

Jeff shook his head. “No. Last time I checked, I haven’t pissed off any hellhounds.”

“Okay,” John flicked his lighter and lit the cigarette. “Although we never told you it was a hellhound. You knew it all on your own, didn’t you? Now that makes my job a little easier, but it doesn’t explain why a mortal like yourself knows about them.”

The dentist grinned weakly. “Lucky guess?”

“Did Puck tell you about them?” John pressed, stepping closer. “After all, you did call and tell him about it after you made that call to your sister. How ‘bout you tell me how he fits into all of this?”

“You listened in on my phone call,” Jeff sighed. “Well, he didn’t pick up, so I had to leave a message. He won’t be any help until he gets it. But when he does, he’ll be the one who comes and finds me with the people who took me off the street.”

“Sorry for saving your life,” John muttered as he exhaled a stream of smoke. “But you’re going to need to start telling us stuff. For starters, you know about magical creatures? Was it Puck who told you?”

Jeff nodded.

“He’s one of them, isn’t he?”

“Not my story to tell.”

“Alright, then how about one you can tell? What is your relationship with Puck? Secret lovers? Boyfriends? An affair?”

Jeff stared at him. “Why would I tell you a thing when I don’t even know who you are? Maybe you did save me from getting dragged to hell, but I’m going to need a little more information first.”

“John Constantine. Exorcist, demonologist, master or petty dabbler of the dark arts depending on the day. Also a time traveler, I can add that to the resume. Now with that out of the way, tell me about Puck.”

It seemed to satisfy Jeff, who gave a nod. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend. We’re not public about it though.”

“Small town problems, right? How long you two been together?”

“Five months next week. We were talking about him meeting my kids soon.”

“Isn’t that charming?” John smirked. “Think they’ll like him?”

Jeff’s lips twitched into a smile. “Levi’s still a toddler, and he’s pretty happy with anyone who doesn’t take a crayon away from him. He draws on just about anything. Paper, the walls, books, his clothes. My oldest could go either way. JJ was so close with Miriam, and he really misses her. But he also told me that he’s glad I’m happier lately. I’d rather my kids remember me being happy in their childhood instead of sad.”

Jeff sighed. “But the middle one…I really hope he likes Puck. He takes more after me than Miriam. I know he’s been having problems fitting in at school and making friends. Hopefully this will be a good thing for him and not make the other stuff worse. He’s got a heart of gold, but he’s so shy and lets himself get beaten down so much.”

John flicked some ash onto the floor. “He might grow out of it.”

“I hope so,” the dentist chuckled. “JJ used to be shy too before he was loud and chaotic, but Miriam was the one who got him out of his shell before she died.”

“Well, losing a mother is hard,” John murmured. “Some fathers become the worst versions of themselves when that happens. But that doesn’t seem to be you. You care about your family. You don’t want them to be in danger. That’s why you came willingly with us, because you couldn’t endanger your sons.”

“Well, they’re the brightest parts of my life,” Jeff told him, opening up his wallet and passing a picture to John. “I want them to be okay and safe.”

John studied the picture of Jeff, a woman who must have been the dead wife, and three boys sitting on a couch.

“Stacey, my sister, took this when Levi was four months old,” Jeff explained, reaching over and pointing out each child. “He’s on Miriam’s lap. JJ’s right next to her. And between him and me, that’s the middle boy. That’s Gary.”

“Gary,” John frowned as pieces started to fit together. “Gary…Green?”

“Yes.”

John looked back down at the picture and little Gary’s face before passing it back to Jeff. “I have to go.”

~~~

“Is there a reason why we’re on the bridge?” Ava asked as she stretched out again. “Did we find a way to corner the hellhound?”

“What about Charlie?” Ray added. “It’s been hours since she left the ship.”

“Yeah, and she still hasn’t come back yet,” John told him. “So I did talk with Jeff. Puck is the one who told him about creatures, so he’s probably one of them. Also, he is Jeff’s boyfriend. Zari, are you sure you didn’t find anything else interesting on Jeff?”

She shook her head. “No, I checked twice.”

“Not even that he’s Gary’s dad?” John challenged.

“We have Time Dweeb’s dad?” Mick frowned. “Ugh,”

“Mr. Constantine is correct,” Gideon confirmed. “Jeff Green is indeed the father of Gary Green. An earlier check of Bureau records confirmed the birth certificate.”

“And you never told me?” Zari exclaimed. “Gideon, come on!”

“Well, you didn’t ask about his children.”

“We know now,” Sara ended the argument. “So Gary’s dad could be killed by a hellhound. Ava, you mentioned that he was picking up his dad from the airport. What else do you know about his family?”

“Ahhh,” Ava frowned. “His mom’s dead. He has a dad. That’s it.”

“Helpful,” Zari mumbled. “Well, I did find out that a street over from the plumber, a man named Puck Shakespeare is renting a house. While I have a difficult time believing that’s a real name, he’s our guy.”

“Could he have summoned the hellhound to go after Jeff?” Ray inquired, eyes moving to the feed of the brig.

“According to Jeff, they were talking about introducing Puck to his kids,” John said. “Things sound good between them. It doesn’t make sense that he’d summon a hellhound because he didn’t want to meet his boyfriend’s kids.”

“Well, we don’t have a trace of the hellhound,” Sara sighed. “Gideon, what’s the effect on the timeline if we don’t stop this?”

“Current projections place Gary Green as an FBI analyst in 2019 instead of joining the Time Bureau,” the AI answered. “Mr. Rory would die at the hands of Captain Lance while she was under the influence of the death totem. Director Sharpe goes missing and the Time Bureau is headed by Director Neil McNeil, who enacts a series of regulations limiting activity of the Legends and prevents you from completing several missions critical to protecting the timeline.”

Sara shook her head. “Things take a turn for the worse.”

“He’s the one who came up with the strategy to track the death totem,” John said. “And he came to you when Ava was missing. Gary’s got brothers too. Gideon, would this impact their timelines?”

“The art community never discovers Levi Green’s works, and a bestselling book is never written. A popular travel vlog, Adventure Man!, is also a victim.”

“That’s Nate’s favorite series!” Ray looked horrified. “No, he can’t lose Adventure Man!.”

“Okay, so we’re saving Jeff,” Sara decided. “Wherever Charlie ran off to, it better pay off in the end!”

“Oh, it will!” the shapeshifter announced as she made her entrance. “Lucky for you lot, I’ve been seeking out help, and I knew exactly who to look for. He’s helped me fill in all the gaps.”

A man entered the room after Charlie, raising a hand in greeting with a smile. Ava frowned, unsure of what his purpose was. John, on the other hand, was regarding the newcomer with open suspicion.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Puck,” Charlie said. “He’s a fairy from the High Court of King Oberon.”

Puck bowed with a cocky smirk, a shower of sparkles falling from his hands.

“Well, the name on the rental agreement makes sense now,” Zari sighed. “Took it right from Shakespeare.”

“Bold of you to assume I copied Billy,” Puck replied. “Without my help and influence, your world would never know of that night.”

“Puck’s an old friend of me before and during prison,” Charlie explained. “His cell was two down from mine. When the jail busted, he ended up here, met Jeff after a while, and started dating him.”

“Speaking of him,” Puck glared at the Legends. “Who’s going to tell me where my boyfriend is?”

“Not until we make sure it wasn’t you who sent the hellhound after him,” John responded, stepping forward.

“I swear by the High Court, by the King and Queen, that I would never do anything to harm a hair on Jeff’s head.”

“He’s right,” Charlie nodded. “He really wouldn’t. Puck likes mischief as much as the rest of his kind, but this isn’t his style. I should know, I was on the receiving end of it and it’s not hellhounds.”

Sara’s arms were folded over her chest, but she did relax somewhat. Ava knew it was a sign she didn’t totally trust Puck yet. “So do either of you know who it is?”

“We do,” Charlie confirmed. “I heard someone chanting when we were stalking the plumber. I didn’t recognize it at first, but then I remembered what it was. It’s Lilim, the language of the demons.”

“Once Charlie told me that was it, I figured out who it was,” Puck continued. “One of my exes was a demon who calls himself Michael. He was with me when we first came to Earth after the prison broke and wanted to get back together. But I refused to let myself fall into his darkness again and rejected him. He’s always been jealous, so it’s most likely he’s the one behind this as an attempt to get me back. Like killing the mortal man I love is going to send me running back into his arms!”

“A jealous demon,” Mick looked interested by that. “Can I kill him?”

“By all means, you may,” Puck nodded, “Make sure it sticks.”

“What about the hellhound?” Ava asked. “It’s still going after Jeff, right?”

“Fairy magic can fix that,” Puck promised. “Just get me close enough to Michael, and I can break the spell. But night is falling soon, which means the hound will return. Now that I’m here with Jeff, it’s likely that Michael will show up.”

Ava sighed. “So that means we’re getting ready for a fight?”

“Indeed,” Puck informed them. “But before we do this, may I please see my boyfriend!”

“John and I will take you,” Sara volunteered, grabbing John by the arm. “Babe, can you get everyone else ready?”

“Not a problem,” Ava looked behind her at the front windows of the ship. “Hey, Gideon, how resistant is the Waverider to hellhound attacks?”

“I don’t know, but I am not ready to find out today, Director Sharpe.”

~~~

John wasn’t sure why he and Sara were both supervising the reunion, but it was shorter than he had expected it to be.

“I was so worried when I got the voicemail,” Puck said to Jeff once the mushy stuff was out of the way. “I thought the hellhound got to you until Charlie showed up and told me I wasn’t too late.”

“Yeah, they rescued me,” Jeff told him. “But the hellhound’s still out there. It wants to hunt me down.”

“It is and it does,” Puck sighed and took Jeff’s hands. “It’s my fault, Jeff. The hellhound is after you because of me. I brought my world into yours, but I’m going to fix it all. I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.”

Puck smiled, but it barely masked the sadness on his face. “Stay here until I get back.”

With that, he left the cell and went out of the room. John and Sara followed after him.

“You really do care about him, don’t you?” John asked as they walked down the hall.

“I do,” Puck nodded. “Which makes what I’m about to do even harder.”

“We have a plan all worked out,” Sara said. “The hellhound will be here soon with your ex, and we’ll send them both back to hell.”

“She’s right, it’ll be a piece of cake with your magic.”

“Oh, I know,” Puck looked back at them. “But loving Jeff and letting him into my world, it’s too dangerous. He could have been killed by that hellhound. I can’t put him in danger anymore.”

John stopped. “Hang on, you’re not letting a jealous ex break up the two of you, are you?”

“It’s more than him,” Puck sighed. “This hellhound would never have gone after him if I hadn’t fallen in love. Jeff will get hurt because he loves me, but I can’t let that happen. It’ll be safer if I leave and take his memories of me away.”

“That would just hurt him more,” Sara said.

John nodded. “You’re going to leave him with a blank space in his memories if you do. Not to mention that you damn yourself to feel the pain of breaking your own heart while he never knows.”

“Listen, exorcist,” Puck snarled. “You and I both know there has to be a balance of the light and dark in the world. Jeff lives in the light. People like you, Charlie, and myself, we are the dark. When we love people who don’t walk our path, it darkens their brightness. Breaking the balance…it hurts them.”

John opened his mouth to argue back, but he couldn’t find the words. Sara gave him a pointed look before leaving him alone with the fairy. The way Puck was speaking had been how John turned Gary away from him. He’d even used the bloody light and dark balance line. John knew he had broken Gary’s heart as well as his own, but he hadn’t wanted Gary Green to become another Desmond, another Gary Lester. But that had been before he traveled with the Legends, before he met Sara and Ava. John knew he hadn’t entirely changed, but some things had.

“Maybe it does sometimes,” he told Puck. “But it doesn’t always.”

The fairy rolled his eyes as if he was dealing with a child. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s where you’re mistaken,” John shot back. “Because I do. I know exactly what you think of yourself after what Jeff’s been through!”

“Oh, do you really?”

“Yes! I had someone I cared about too. He’s more like Jeff than you could ever imagine. He cared about me the same way Jeff does with you, but he had so much light that I couldn’t let myself tarnish that. So I broke his heart, gave him the same light and dark speech, and moved on right up until I met Sara and Ava, that other blonde on the bridge. Two different worlds, Sara came back from the dead, and she found she could be happy with Ava. Now I regret what I did because there is no way I can fix it! That’s what’s going to happen to you if you break Jeff’s heart!”

Puck glowered at him before walking away quickly.

“Do you really regret not taking the chance with Gary?”

John hadn’t realized that Sara had been waiting by the corner. “How’d you know it was Gary?”

“The light and dark speech. Gary told Nate, and he told the rest of us.”

“Blabbermouth,” John muttered. “I messed things up with Gary to the point where I can’t fix them. If Puck truly loves Jeff, they can work out. He just can’t see every terrible thing as a sign that it’s not meant to be.”

Sara smirked. “Look at you having hope for Gary’s dad.”

“Don’t ever tell him that.”

“Captain Lance,” Gideon said. “The hellhound is approaching our location, and it’s not alone.”

“Time to get ready for a fight,” the captain sighed. “John, get Puck and the others ready. I’ll be there in a moment.”

~~~

As the Legends and Puck exited the ship, the hellhound was sitting obediently beside a tall man in a blue suit. When he saw Puck, an icy smile crawled onto his face. “Hello, darling.”

“Michael,” Puck’s tone was venomous. “You should have never done this. We’re over. Move on. I have.”

“With a human,” the demon sneered. “Come on, Puck. Really?”

“And you think killing the man I love would make me go back to you?” Puck shook his head, magic swirling around his hands. “Think again. Now release the hound from its bond to kill.”

The smile grew wider as Michael giggled. “I’ll release it!”

He said something in another language and the hellhound was on its feet. With a loud growl, it charged at the assembled group. Mick was the first to fire off his heat gun, eliciting a howl of pain when the flames met fur. It only slowed the creature down for a moment before it swiped at them with a large paw. The arsonist went flying into a tree as the hellhound turned to the next people in its path. When she realized it was them, Zari grabbed Charlie and flew into the air with her totem.

“Okay, you’ve had your fun!” Charlie yelled as Zari tried to avoid the lunging beast. “Cut it out! You’re not going to get what you want!”

“Oh, I’ll kill as many people as I have to in order to get him back,” Michael shouted back. “Starting with you lot!”

Ray and Ava made a move to go after him, but the hellhound cut them off. It was then that John realized Sara hadn’t rejoined them yet. He only had a second to process this before Puck suddenly tackled him to avoid being taken out by the Atom flying back from a blow.

“I need to get closer,” Puck said, getting back up on his feet. “Ugh, Michael had to get a big one. He’s really overcompensating.”

John made a face as he thought through the spells that he knew. Settling on one, he began to chant in Latin, trying to trap the beast in a sigil.

“You’re a clever one,” Michael sounded impressed. “But it’s not enough.”

Michael spoke something in Lilim, and the sigil dissolved. Another phrase in Lilim, this one sounding much like a command, made the beast turn to face John head on. Its eyes glowed like embers as it started running at him. John started to summon up another sigil.

A yell came from behind him. “Hey, pooch!”

The next thing John knew, a rod was being jammed into the hellhound’s eye. It screeched and backed away quickly, the rod swinging around haphazardly. John took the opportunity to run out of the way. Looking up, he saw Jeff standing there, hands shaking and eyes slightly widened. Sara was standing next to him, a proud look on her face.

Michael stared at his hellhound, then back up to Jeff. “The mortal.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jeff shouted. “I am. Maybe it’s not a demon, or some other magical creature, but I still love him. And I’m pretty sure that he loves me!”

“I do!” Puck appeared from behind Michael. “And I’m not letting anyone take him away from me!”

Michael spun around and Puck grabbing his chest. His hand started to glow as did the demon’s chest, the dark outlines of his ribs prominent. Puck pulled his hand back after a few moments. Michael sunk to his knees and the hound stopped flailing around. It started to whimper in pain now.

“It’s been freed from its task,” Puck announced as the Legends and Jeff moved forward. “Now it’s time for them to return to hell.”

“I’ve got that bit,” John looked down at the demon and started to summon the opening to hell.

Michael scowled up at Puck. “You’ve made a mistake. We’re immortals, he isn’t. You’re from two different worlds. It won’t be a happy ending.”

“So what if we’re not the same?” Jeff asked. “Everything that makes him different is part of why I love Puck. It doesn’t change how I feel about him.”

Puck reached over with a smile to take his hand. “Me neither.”

The portal to hell was wide open now. The hound was cast inside first, then John set his sights on Michael.

“I hope you get what’s coming from your pals down there,” he snarled.

With that, he kicked the demon through the portal and closed it.

“Is that it?” Sara asked as Zari finally made it back down to the ground with Charlie.

John nodded silently. Puck and Jeff turned to each other and started to kiss.

“Let’s get cleaned up and get him home,” Ava said. “Plus, I’m pretty sure Rory has a concussion over there.”

“Eh, he’s got a thick head,” Sara replied. “He’ll be fine.”

“Are we ever going to tell Gary about this?” Charlie inquired, pointing over to Jeff and Puck. “That his dads dated a fugitive and we saved him?”

Ava shook her head. “No. If he remembers this, then he’ll tell us. Right now we just need to get his dad home.”

“And what about Puck?”

Zari’s question had them all looking towards the couple again.

“He hasn’t done any harm,” John murmured. “Let them be happy for as long as they can.”

“For once, I agree with him,” Ava said. “They’re two people in love. They deserve a chance.”

~~~

“Thank you again for saving me. I owe my life to you.”

“It’s what we do,” Sara smiled at Jeff. “Just have a good life.”

“And look after your kids,” Ava added. “They’ve got a good dad.”

“They really do,” Puck agreed with her, kissing Jeff. “I can’t wait to meet them tomorrow. I’ll see you then, my love.”

With a puff of smoke, he vanished.

“Fairy magic,” John shook his head. He gave Jeff a pat on the shoulder. “Let’s get you home to your kids.”

Together with Ray, they loaded into the car they were “borrowing”. The drive to the Green house was silent, save for Jeff pointing out where they’d need to turn. John did catch Ray looking over at him a few times, but he thankfully kept his mouth shut. He was glad for the silence right now.

Once they arrived at the Green home, John got out to take Jeff to the door. “Here you are. Home sweet home.”

“Yeah,” Jeff looked up at it happily. “I’m glad to be back here alive.”

“I’ll bet,” John agreed. “Listen, mate, I have two things I want to say.”

Jeff turned to him, waiting. John exhaled and glanced at the house quickly, wondering what little Gary Green was up to right now while little John Constantine was sleeping with his latest bruises.

“First, don’t give up with Puck. I saw tonight that you two really love each other. Two different worlds or not, you can find a way. Don’t make my mistakes.”

“I won’t. We won’t.”

“Good,” John nodded. “Second, I know you love your kids, and that you’re worried about Gary. You see that he’s going to be amazing, but he doesn’t know that, so tell him. Tell him everyday that he is incredible. Tell all your boys that, but make sure Gary knows it. Someone needs to.”

“I will,” Jeff smiled as he pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the door. “Thank you for everything. Goodbye, John.”

As soon as he pushed the door open, John could see a little boy with glasses sitting on the carpet at the end of the hall. He lifted his head from a book to see who it was. Then his face split into a grin and he ran over to attach himself to Jeff’s legs. “DADDY!”

“Gary!” Jeff dropped down so he could hug his son properly. “Hey, kiddo, I missed you so much!”

“Aunt Stacy didn’t say when you were coming back,” little Gary mumbled into Jeff’s neck. “Where were you?”

“I was with some friends. This is one of them. You’re going to meet another one tomorrow.”

“Cool!” Gary grinned up at John, revealing a missing tooth. “Nice to meet you.”

John couldn’t help but smile back. “You too.”

“Hey, where are your brothers and aunt?” Jeff asked, standing up now. “Are they already asleep?”

“Levi is. Aunt Stacy’s with JJ in the backyard. He climbed the tree and he isn’t wearing pants.”

“Well, we better go deal with that then,” Jeff chuckled. “How about you tell me about that book you were reading?”

John watched them go inside and close the door before heading back to the car.

~~~

“The timeline is back to the way it’s supposed to be,” Sara said once they were back in present day. “No massacre was ever reported in that town.”

“I was hoping serial killer when this first came up, but I’m glad it’s been fixed,” Ava murmured. “Gary’s still at the Bureau, so that’s good.”

“Oh yeah,” Sara’s eyes glinted with mischief. “I made a lie about something being broken and might have told John to check on Gary himself.”

“I suggested it,” Gideon reminded her.

Ava raised an eyebrow. “You’re playing matchmaker with them?”

Sara shrugged. “Maybe a little…”

~~~

John knocked for the third time on Gary’s apartment door. “Oh come on, squire. You better be in there.”

Just then, the door swung open, revealing Gary. “John? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

“You know me,” John sighed in relief as he came into the apartment. “You still work at the Bureau, right?”

“Yeah, I do, you know that. I took the day off today, I had to pick up my dad at the airport, although he did have a surprise there.”

John froze. “What kind of surprise?”

“Gary? Who are you talking to?”

“Who’s there?”

John remembered those voices. It had been hours for him, but decades for them. Lifting his head, he could see Puck and Jeff coming around the corner from where Gary’s kitchen was. Jeff’s hair had gone gray and there were more wrinkles now, but he had aged gracefully. Puck looked older too, which should have been impossible for fairies, but his aging looked slower compared to Jeff’s. John couldn’t help but smile when he saw their joined hands.

“Hey,” Gary looked back to his father and Puck, then John. “Uh, John, this is my dad. And that’s Puck. He’s my dad’s boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” John raised an eyebrow.

“We were together for a long time, but then we had a bit of a break,” Jeff explained. “Puck helped me raise Gary and his brothers.”

“But now we’re trying things together again,” Puck finished, smiling lovingly at Jeff. “So, Gary, who is this?”

John glanced quickly at Gary, who cleared his throat. “This is John Constantine. He’s a friend from work.”

Jeff tilted his head. “Do I know you?”

“Just got one of those faces,” John lied.

“I don’t think you’d know him,” Gary told his father. “John’s kinda into the occult.”

Jeff grinned. “Hey, I was in a cult once!”

“Occult, and he doesn’t need to hear that story!” Gary panicked, waving his hands back and forth.

“Hey, Gary, can you give me a hand in the kitchen?” Puck interrupted. “I need to get the rest of the sauce together so it can simmer.”

“Sure, Puck.”

John watched them leave before turning back to Jeff. The older man had a knowing smile on his face.

“It’s been a while, John Constantine. So, are you a petty dabbler or master of the dark arts today?”

“You…” he faltered. “You remember me?”

“Hard to forget an introduction like that after nearly getting mauled by a hellhound,” Jeff laughed. “You and everyone on that ship did so much for me and Puck back then. Not only did you stop a hellhound, but you told us it was possible to be together.”

John glanced towards the kitchen where Gary and Puck were. “Thought you two said you had a break.”

“We did, but it didn’t mean Puck wasn’t part of the family. Besides, we’re giving things a second chance and it’s been amazing.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.”

“Puck told me everything you told him all that time long ago,” Jeff continued. “Including how you let someone go because of your darkness. And then there was the advice you gave me about Gary. Since you told me you were a time traveler, I wondered if you knew him. But Gary was the one you let go, wasn’t he?”

John exhaled heavily. “He was.”

“Do you still really care about my son, John Constantine?” Jeff asked, his eyes steely behind the glasses he now wore.

The question hung in the air before John nodded. “I do.”

“Good,” Jeff smiled. “Because he still likes you too. If you want something with him…well, I think you remember the advice you gave to me.”

John snorted softly. “Time will tell if it works again.”

“So, do it, then wait and see. That’s what Puck and I had to do.”

“Jeff, where did you-” Puck started to shout. “Never mind. Can you give me a hand?”

“I’ll be there in a moment,” Jeff called back, then looked to John. “Good luck. And if you ever break his heart again, Puck will come after you. You’ll get to see the kind of revenge he can dish out then.”

“Not meddling with a fairy,” John promised. “Speaking of which, do Gary and his brothers know about Puck? What he really is?”

“They do, but the secret is safe within the family and it will stay with family.”

Gary came back around the corner. “Hey, Dad, JJ’s calling. Levi’s with him.”

“I’ll get it,” Jeff told his son. “You talk with John for now.”

“Sure,” Gary grinned until his father left the room, then looked back to John. “Hey, he didn’t tell you the cult story, did he?”

John laughed. “Nope. No cult story, but now I’m curious.”

Gary reddened and scratched the back of his neck. “I can…tell you tonight? Puck’s suggesting that I invite you over for dinner tonight. It’ll be them and my brothers here. It’s okay to say no though. My family can be a lot and-”

“No,” John shook his head. “I’d like to stay.”

Gary seemed surprised. “Wha- really?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “There’s something I want to talk to you about, if you’ll hear me out.”

Gary beamed back at him. “Sure.”

#legends of tomorrow #somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds #happy birthday #constangreen #john constantine #gary green #team legends #green family #constangreen server #fanfiction

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

Text

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 13 - Candy Page 23

==>

This is going well, despite all the weirdness... it might not be so bad by the time I get to the end of all this. Maybe my stomach can stop clenching as much from the Meat poisoning.

Then again, that’s what I thought when I was up to four-fifths through Meat and thought things were going to be resolved before the end.

So.

Anyway. Reading.

In fact, all she did was tip her head at him and blink a few times, her long eyelashes catching the light, making her eyes look like mirrors. It was disconcerting for reasons that he couldn’t put his finger on. It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

God damnit... hypnotized, basically dead Roxy is worst Roxy. I need that fucking explanation soon.

If she doesn’t get upset after what he’s about to pull today, then...

John doesn’t know what he’ll do.

Gosh that’s horrible. I wish I didn’t have to go back to Meat if I ever wanted any more Real Roxy again... please, PLEASE, if NOTHING ELSE gets fixed in this stupid fucking Candy arc, PLEASE HAVE ROXY BACK TO NORMAL BEFORE THE END

That... that would be just the fucking icing on the cake, wouldn’t it? I was already upset about Dirk not getting his due. I was traumatized over how Jane, Jade, and Rose were left. But ROXY was fine. Roxy, pretty much my favorite character next to maybe Jade, or a good number of the others. If this timeline gives me an alternate cliffhanger to lean on that spares the others to leave HER to shit, then I’d basically be left with nothing to stand on! It’d be fucking worthless almost.

My stomach isn’t clenching YET, but I’m starting to fill with dread.

JOHN: harry anderson, don’t tell your mother but... JOHN: we’re getting a new addition to the family today!

Pfffff

serious kidnapping

And who said John was just a blank slate with no will of his own?? Fuck you, Dirk. You knew about this timeline and you STILL said it.

Dave and Jade materialize behind everyone, he in a pressed red suit, she in a glittering Space dress. They’re both holding gifts wrapped in spare printer paper.

Look, you two looking cute is just rubbing salt in the wound of the relationship you fucked over, Jade. You should have waited to make sure Dave and Karkat FINALLY ACCEPTED THEIR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP before moving in and potentially pushing one of them out, WHICH HAPPENED.

Oooh, smart human babby Tavvy. ...He isn’t going to want to leave his family situation, is he. John’s off the mark isn’t he.

Dave ruffles Harry Anderson’s hair. It’s nice that Dave is so woke and great with kids, but that really does invite the question of why he and Jade don’t have any yet. There’s still something sad and wistful about Dave at the moment, as he pointedly avoids letting Jade take his hand while they’re led into the game room.

GAAAAHHHHH

Could we at least BE ALLOWED TO PRETEND THERE’S A POSSIBLE FUTURE WHERE THESE PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS ARENT THOROUGHLY FUCKING MESSED UP?????

I KNOW THESE CHARACTERS ARE MESSED UP BUT YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST GIVE US HOPE

AND WHERE’S THE HAPPY POTENTIAL PAIRING FOR JADE??? IT SEEMS LIKE THERE’S NO POTENTIAL FOR REAL MUTUAL HAPPINESS FOR HER BESIDES JADE X COMA!!!!!!!!!!

God damn it Jane can be creepy.

She gained his affection the same way she gains everyone’s affection: she fucking bought it.

UUuuuuuuggghhhhh

...pff stars vs enemies of the state

John, stop making this so stranger-danger.

JOHN: are you ACTUALLY happy about it? JOHN: about... everything going on here? TAVROS: I suppose,,, TAVROS: My mother tends to get displeased when i’m unhappy, so,,,

uuuugughghghuhh

TAVROS: It just seems like a thing that would eventually happen to me, does it not?

Oh wow, callback to Dirkbro abuse. THAT’S gonna set John off.

Oh wow, Tavros knows his situation is bad enough that he’s willing to GO for it. All he’s worried about is the security. YEAH John!! Do your Breathy thing and get him out of here!!!

Tavros takes in a sharp breath before spinning on his heel and stumbling toward his closet. John catches the ghost of a smile on his face before he turns and that’s all it takes to turn the pounding of his heart from terrified to thrilled.

AAaaaaAAAAAH THIS IS ADORABLE SOMEHOW

She twitches her dog-ears and raises her face. Her mouth is a neutral line, but her eyes are burning furiously.

OH NOOOOOOO

FUCK, Jade don’t stop it!!! She’s... she’s gonna put her foot down and stop this just so everything can be all candy-coated and good on the SURFACE without hurting people OPENLY even if she and Jane and all the others are DEEPLY hurting everyone else under the surface!!!! D:

JOHN: jade, i don’t know where you’ve been these past few years, but i don’t think things CAN get any worse!

Yes exactly

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

Hmmmmmm

JOHN: well, you’re nothing like the jade i used to know either!

Alright, huge blowup. Let’s air out some feelings.

JANE: I let go! I was actually RELIEVED to hear he died!!! ROXY: uhh ROXY: janey wut

HAhahahaah YES let’s get all that dirty laundry OUT IN THE OPEN

......Okay that didn’t end as well as expected. Or... well I guess I KNEW it wouldn’t end well, but I’d hoped otherwise.

==>

Wait, so Terezi and John’s conversation is “in the dream bubbles”? Is that just because he’s talking to her while she’s skirting the edge of the storm in the Void rocketways, or because John’s from a somehow doomed/irrelevant/side timeline?

(Why does Terezi always have to be dying. She figured herself out and how awesome she is. Stop dying. And I don’t mean like the sad walking off in Meat, though I guess that kind of counts.)

JOHN: if she cared about you as much as you care about her, she wouldn’t have fucked off like this forever.

YES JOHN

LAY

THE

TRUTH

(Ghost!Vriska is the only one who really deserves to matter anymore. This “alpha” Vriska just sank deeper into her problems and delusions beyond being able to really redeem herself or recognize them. That diatribe she gave her ghost self was horrible back when.)

Wait, wait hold on

JOHN: if she cared about you as much as you care about her, she wouldn’t have fucked off like this forever. JOHN: driving you crazy with doubt and uncertainty, making you chase her through infinite nothingness until you almost starve to death... JOHN: she would have at least given you the courtesy of closure!

Is... is Andrew talking about the comic here and his relationship with the readers

is this some sort of apology for not giving this closure, like, as if he were the vriska that launched himself into the sun over his own artistic ideals or

hmm

JADE: doomed is not a word i would use to describe the condition of those on this world. JADE: even if my work is unsuccessful, the stakes for everyone here have nothing to do with the issue of mortality. JADE: to frame the matter that way would be misleading. JADE: to the extent that it is my naturally endowed duty to defend the innocent from wanton acts of destruction, from degradation and dissolution, JADE: it is also my duty to tell the truth to those i protect. JADE: and the simplest statement of truth for all of you to know is this: JADE: we are the lucky ones.

Calliope lets out a long, thin sigh from between the teeth of Jade’s corpse. It’s more for effect than anything, as corpses don’t actually need to breathe.

JADE: we are the ones fortunate enough to live in a reality that is beyond the influence of the prince.

Geez, it’s like escape from Lord English’s influence all over again.

They won only for everything to just fucking start over, everything they struggled to stop? That sucks!!! >:(

Anyway, still reading... god damnit Terezi don’t fly off and die for no fucking reason.

JOHN: then what DID you want?! TEREZI: L3TS S4Y... TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO G1V3 YOU TH3 COURT3SY OF CLOSUR3

Fuck. Yeah, let’s just keep fucking over Terezi, another one of my favorite characters. Yes she lives and goes to fuck off somewhere in Meat with the villain of the week, but FUCK, couldn’t we get a SLIGHTLY clearer picture of her potential happiness than just THAT?????

It’s like the whole purpose of these epilogues was just to remind us that these characters were too fucked up to ever be happy!!!!

Couldn’t we have at least been left to IMAGINE OTHERWISE?!?????

JADE: not until i am able to deal with the prince myself. ARADIA: and when will that be

The meteor is passing beyond the fall of night. Dead-Jade, standing half in light, half in darkness, looks up at the sky.

JADE: not soon enough.

Ahh. I’m getting an idea of the Postscript’s circumstances, then. That was alt!Callie in this black-hole-powered Jade body going from THIS Candy timeline to go chase after Dirk and help stop him like everyone else, giving her a more powerful card to play than just the adult Jade she was having guide the others. (Maybe she could have that adult Jade FUCKING WAKE UP AND ABLE TO HELP instead of keeping her in a coma. That would be a pretty fucking nice change of pace. Too bad we have to just IMAGINE IT without any reassurance that she’ll be awake or okay for YEARS TO COME, HUH.)

Also that means that resistance fighting is gonna break out with artillery and stuff because Jane is apparently a dunpass in both timelines. Fuck.

==>

Swifer, can you stop swifing?

KARKAT: HOW THE HELL DO YOU TWO TOLERATE EACH OTHER? KANAYA: Quite Thoroughly Enthusiastically And Often

Pffffff :D

...Oh my God MEENAH landed here??? All ring-of-lifeways from the other timeline? I guess the Furthest Ring was outside the scope of those timeilnes so she could’ve fallen in any of them... huh. Heck, maybe the same Terezi who experienced those conversations eventually met the John from the Meat side of the timeline too. And she said John smelled younger than she thought he was, oh my GOD, it WAS that. It was that exactly. The Terezi we’re hearing was the same across both Epilogue-halves. That’s actually fucking fantastic!!!

MEENAH: capisces?

Fuck that pun

(Also Meenah is talking about how they lost, but she was knocked away before she saw the conclusion of the fight, so.)

...Holy SHIT Meenah is really taking to this!!! This is adorable. :D

==>

John’s having some canon/existential ditherthoughts, hm.

He’s been contemplating this melodramatically for maybe ten minutes when the sky rips opens above him and flashes violent waves of red and green across the landscape.

Hm. So do the black hole wormholes have some tie to the cherubic portal device from Hiveswap?

It’s his father’s car.

Mhmm, that confirms all of it, really. Same Terezi in both stories.

A vast cry of sorts. :(

Heading out for a while; gonna start from Page 27 in the next post. I feel pretty good, somehow. The way these two timelines tied together with Terezi outside them makes it feel like it all may have ultimately meant something.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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spacematriarchy · 5 years

Text

Title: after tomorrow Square Filled: The Cage (S5) Rating: G Summary: Sixteen hours til Detroit. One last night on Earth. So long as they were together, the time wasn't going to waste. Word Count: 2060 (read on Ao3) Created for @swansongbingo

The four of them lasted late into the night and into the small hours of the morning, but by two AM, after a long, difficult day of draining demons, it was clear that members of the party were fading, and they were fading hard.

With a big stretch of his shoulders, Bobby yawned, and collected himself and his empty beer bottle together. “Sorry, boys,” he said. “Guess having to walk around on my own legs all day takes more outta me than it used to. I’m turning in.”

“No worries, Bobby,” Sam said.

Bobby stood from one of the two camp chairs they’d thrown out on the front patio, and Dean, sharing the bench with Sam, dropped his feet from where they were propped up on the bannister to let him pass. Bobby turned to Castiel - long since having fallen asleep in the other camp chair - and lightly slapped him on the knee. He startled awake.

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled, though he surely couldn’t have known what he was apologizing for.

“C’mon, Columbo,” Bobby said. “Give the fellas some time before bed.”

“Of course,” Castiel said, still only half awake, and started trying to leverage himself out of the chair.

“No, Cas, you don’t have to!” Sam insisted.

“No, no, I’m sure you should talk…” Cas trailed off, eyes flitting away. He tried to follow Bobby towards the front door, but was stopped by Sam grabbing onto his sleeve.

“C’mon, Cas, one more beer?” Sam asked. “You’ve been conked out half the night, we barely got to spend any time with you.”

“I’m sure you’ll want this to be family time…” Castiel offered as a final, weak excuse, but Dean scoffed.

“If you don’t think you’re one of us by now, I’ve got some bad news for you, buddy,” he said. Castiel stared wordlessly at them, blinking through the lingering sleep in his eyes, and as he then ducked his head, the ghost of a sad smile crossed his lips. He didn’t seem to have the words for an answer, and when Dean stood and gestured for Cas to take his seat, Castiel did.

“Thank you,” he said softly, as Dean began collecting the empty and half-empty bottles littered about the porch. Sam handed his own over as well.

Sam still had blood under his fingernails. Dean did, too. Sam had known that, yes, but he was trying to avoid looking at his own hands since he failed to scrub it out that afternoon. That wrong feeling pinged in his chest, and he promptly tucked his hand back into his lap, out of sight.

Bobby and Dean went inside, the creak-slap of the screen door blocking them out, leaving Sam and Castiel in the airy drone of wind and crickets through South Dakota’s backroads. Cas stayed quiet, though he’d roused somewhat during the exchange, and Sam watched him from the corner of his eye, waiting for him to start up a conversation and set a tone for it.

He wished he knew the tone to set, himself. Poor Cas probably felt more out of his emotional depth than any of them.

Giving up on the prospect of letting Cas choose, Sam instead settled back against the bench and looked back out across the junk yard.

“So,” he said, tentatively. “Sleep?”

Castiel nodded. “It’s disconcerting.”

“Do you think your batteries will recharge at some point, or do you think…”

Sam trailed off, not sure if there was a tactful way to discuss the recent clipping of Castiel’s wings, but Cas nodded again, understanding without Sam needing to finish.

“I have no idea,” Castiel said. “My hope is, of course, that this works and I can find a way to restore my grace and go home, but I suppose it’s a bridge I’ll cross when I come to it. It’s not a priority right now.”

“Mm,” Sam hummed. “If you can’t, you know Dean and Bobby’ll always have a place for you, right?”

Castiel didn’t answer.

“And, I don’t wanna ask you for anything, Cas, but…” Sam sighed, turning back to Cas. “I’d feel a lot better if Dean still had somebody keeping him from doing anything really stupid.”

Cas looked up at Sam, in turn. He was pensive, brows furrowed, examining Sam carefully.

“If I’m able,” he said, putting careful consideration into the pledge.

“Promise?” Sam asked with a nervous chuckle, poorly hiding his feelings.

Castiel’s gaze softened on him. He nodded once more. “If I’m able, Sam,” he said. “Yes. I promise.”

Sam opened his mouth, just about to thank Castiel when the screen door swung open again, and Dean reappeared with three bottles, perched between the fingers of one hand like he was a human glass rack.

“Okay,” he sighed, loudly. “One, two…” Dean distributed a beer each to Castiel and Sam, then threw himself into the camp chair Cas had been sleeping in earlier and took a good swig. “Three.”

Sam felt the intensity of his small, private conversation with Castiel fade, and once again they were just relaxing out on Bobby’s front porch like they’d been doing for years. He looked at Dean - something in him felt eased by Cas’ promise, as conditional as it was. He could trust Cas. Cas was family. Even if he couldn’t be by Dean’s side, Sam knew Cas wouldn’t let Dean self-destruct, not really.

It still hurt to know that Cas was going to have to watch out for that, though. Dean wasn’t as good at hiding his Achilles heel as he thought he was.

“Sam was just saying,” Castiel said, directing his attention to Dean as he revived to conversation. “That if I’m not able to go home, I could stay and help you. Perhaps we could keep hunting together - it’d be much safer than you hunting on your own.”

Dean’s good - or at least fine - mood vanished. He scrunched up his nose and suddenly became very fascinated by his beer.

“Dean?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know…” Dean almost mumbled. “I mean, am I gonna keep hunting after this? I think if you take out the devil, the surviving members of your crew earn early retirement, right?”

“You, retire?” Sam scoffed. He didn’t feel the joy of the chuckle in the word, but he felt as if maybe, if he kept joking with his brother, his brother might forget to stop joking.

“What would you even do with your life after that?”

Dean didn’t take the bait. He just shrugged, and looked out across the lot, averting his gaze from either of the other two men.

“What do most people do?” Castiel asked, quirking his head in that ‘confused puppy dog’ way he always did. “You could find a new career. Or a romantic partner.”

Dean did, in fact, laugh at that one.

“No, seriously,” Sam said. “I just… I’d really like to know what you’ll be doing. I wanna know that you’re moving on. That you’re happy.”

Dean took another sip, seemingly mulling it over. He was quiet another long minute.

“I’ll figure it out, Sam,” Dean said, and he sounded so confident that Sam almost believed him. “I always do, don’t I?”

He didn’t elaborate.

They chatted about very little of substance after that, and Sam let the inanity of the conversation lull him into a false sense of security, turning off his own memory for a few short minutes. The mood, however, was unrecoverable. Not painful, not really, but solemn. Reverent. It became a bit harder for Sam to forget that he was attending his wake.

It felt like entirely too short a time before Castiel threw his head back and tipped the last of his beer into his mouth, making a face as he swallowed it. “Alright,” he said, after a breath. “I think my night is over.”

“You sure?” Sam asked, as Castiel stood. “You really don’t have to go, Cas, if you don’t want to.”

“I know,” Cas said. “But apparently I sleep now, and… and Bobby wasn’t wrong. It’s your last night together - you should talk between yourselves. I understand. I take no offence.”

Sam stood, not to stop Cas, but to embrace him. Wrapping him up, Sam put his chin on Cas’ shoulder and squeezed. “If you’re sure,” he said.

Rather than hugging back, Castiel stiffly brought one arm up and patted the back of Sam’s opposite shoulder, painfully awkwardly. Sam wasn’t any more offended by Cas’ lack of social grace than Cas had been at the need for Sam to spend time with his brother - it wasn’t like Cas knew any better. It wasn’t like Cas wasn’t deeply invested, regardless of struggle to return physical affection.

“I’m sure,” Castiel said. “But thank you.”

Sam pulled away. “We’ll see you in the morning?”

“Of course,” Cas said with a little nod. Though his gaze lingered, eyes soft and sad, he didn’t speak it. Cas then turned to Dean and gave him the same nod. Dean raised his bottle in a parting gesture, and then Castiel left, into the house, into the darkness.

Instead of sitting back down on the bench, Sam moved over to the other camp chair - the one beside where Dean now sat, the one that had begun the night as Bobby’s. He let out an ‘oof’ as he sat, the chair lower and saggier than he’d truly been expecting, and he sunk, curled, into the space it provided. His right foot sprawled over and rested against Dean’s.

Sam took a sip of beer, now watching his brother in profile as Dean did, too.

He hated to break the quiet, terrified of ruining the night by prompting, in any small, unintentional way, Dean to start arguing his case for why Sam shouldn’t go through with it tomorrow. With maybe twelve to sixteen hours left on Earth, twelve to sixteen hours left with his brother, he didn’t want to spend it fighting.

Maybe Dean didn’t either. Maybe that’s why he was so quiet.

“You getting tired yet?” Sam asked, in lieu of more dangerous questions.

“Not really,” Dean said. “Might not bother getting to bed at all, honestly. What about you?”

Sam nodded, though he knew Dean wasn’t watching. “Yeah, I’m thinking the same.”

I’ll sleep when I’m dead, Sam thought. If only.

“Then at least we’ve got each other for company, then, huh?” Dean asked.

“Yeah.”

Sam settled back into the chair, allowing himself to relax, and let his head fall back against the railing. He let his gaze wander, eyes unfocused, over the dark not-quite-horizon framed between the roof and rail of the porch. It was a warm spring night, just as South Dakota was finally thawing out, and though they were still bundled up to be out at night, it was as pleasant as it could have been. The stars were out, and the crickets were chirping. The little bit of pressure where his foot touched Dean’s, lightly, through the boot, was grounding to him.

Sam told himself that Cas would stay, and Dean would heal, and they would live with Bobby in peace, and they’d remember him. He tried not to think about the devil. He tried to think about how nice it was going to be to know his family was alright without him.

“Dean?” Sam asked.

“Yeah?”

“You know I love you, right?”

Dean turned to him, concerned. “Yeah,” he said. “And you know I love you, too, right?”

Sam smiled, in spite of himself, and nodded. He took a sip. “Just wanted to be sure you’d remember.”

“Trust me, Sammy,” Dean said, slumping in his chair much as Sam had, carefully keeping their delicate point of contact. “That’s one thing you won’t have to worry about.”

Sam shut his eyes, and realized they were stinging. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to swallow his fear - he hadn’t cried since making up his mind about their plan, and he hated to start now. Not now.

“Sam?” Dean asked.

“I’m okay,” Sam lied. “I’m okay.”

Dean didn’t seem convinced, but he’d never been the type to argue about that sort of thing. He watched Sam with concern, his own emotions seeming to be boiling just under the surface.

“Okay,” Dean said slowly.

Sam shut his eyes again. Warm spring air. Crickets. Dean.

He’d be okay. For his family. For everyone.

He didn’t really have a choice.

#swansongbingo #supernatural #my fic

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makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 157: Giant Zelda Boss

Previously on BnHA: The badass lady squad kicked some villain ass (even if it did take them a while). Toga showed up disguised as Deku and directed the heroes to where Nighteye and co. were fighting Overhaul underground. They crashed onto the scene as Toga, Twice, and Compress watched from the street above. Twice and Toga told Compress to go kidnap Eri, and he was all “:/ but it’s dangerous” but in the end they bullied him into going down there. Overhaul tried to escape with Eri and Deku leaped after them. We learned that Eri was the granddaughter of the Precepts’ boss, and her mom abandoned her, so the boss put her in Overhaul’s care. Apparently she had an unknown quirk that had somehow killed her biological father. Overhaul experimented and found out her quirk had something to do with “rewinding.” Then the rest of it we already knew -- Overhaul continued to hurt her and she had to suffer through it and eventually she was conditioned to blame herself and to believe that she was “cursed.” But now with everyone trying to rescue her, her quirk is apparently “awakening” with her desire to somehow save them all. omg.

Today on BnHA: Deku grabs Eri and says he’s not gonna let go! Overhaul, who has reverted back to his normal form, is all GIVE HER BACK, and creates some stabby rock tentacle claws to try and get at them. Deku instinctively uses 100% OFA to escape to the surface, and then panics afterwards, thinking that he’s broken his legs. But surprisingly, they’re fine. Meanwhile, Overhaul fuses himself with another unconscious minion and heads after them. Nighteye tells Ryuukyuu and the others that he saw the future and that Overhaul is going to pursue Eri and kill Deku, and that even if they go after him they won’t win. Back on the street level, Deku realizes that all of his injuries have been healed, but then he promptly crumples over in pain. Overhaul, having transformed into some sort of multi-limbed giant rock dragon man, explains that Eri’s quirk gives her the ability to “rewind” humans, and that she can’t control it. But Deku decides this is the perfect opportunity to activate OFA Full Cowl at 100% and just have Eri heal him as he goes. He’s gonna BREAK BONES LIKE NO ONE HAS EVER BROKEN BONES BEFORE.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 187 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

oh! I like this!!

“the determination to be saved” YESSSS ERI YESSSSS

also, going back to the previous panel for a second, what is going on??

what happened to Overhaul and Nemo? they unfused?? did she rewind time and undo all his bullshit?

anyway Deku has her now and he says this time he’s not letting go of her! YAY

AHHHHH

FUCK. SOMEONE SWAT IT WITH A NEWSPAPER

also Horikoshi’s love of drawing hands has officially gone too far. that is SO FUCKING DISTURBING. and also AWESOME, GODDAMMIT

like, look at how his fingers are separating the panels in the bottom right corner. fuck this artistic bullshit

also why is Deku worried about his ability to move? it’s not like Overhaul is any better off. he’s disintegrating the platform he was standing on so he can literally fall at them. you’re both falling. just dodge him. it’s not like he’s any more mobile than you are, and he doesn’t have 20% OFA or 8% or whatever the fuck you’re using right now

anyway he’s hugging Eri determinedly and glaring at Overhaul and again thinking that he won’t let her go no matter what

oh cool are we flashing back to one of the best lines in this arc? I’m down with that

nice to see Deku getting back to his roots

nice to see Horikoshi getting back to his roots, actually. pacing has picked up again, art style is back in full swing, and Deku is thinking determined thoughts about heroically saving others? this is the manga I fell in love with

...maybe I spoke too soon

wait, what? did he just make a giant claw cliff only to grab himself?

okay but what the fuck is happening, though?

wha

that’s what I... you know what, never mind

OH MY GOD

DID YOU BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS DEKU YOU FUCK

ARE THEY!?

I can’t tell?? they don’t look anything like they did the last time he used 100%, but the one time it happened with his legs, it looked pretty different from when he breaks his arms. with his arms his sleeves usually rip right off and he’s all noodley and floppy. but with his legs, his pants always seem to stay intact to preserve his modesty. which is very thoughtful of you, OFA

anyway, down in the basement, Ryuukyuu and the others are saying they felt some sort of shockwave, so it’s indeed seeming like he broke his vow to never use OFA at full strength until he mastered it

I forgive him though. do you guys. I fully forgive him. as long as it actually worked oh please god let it have worked

hmm?

SHE WHAT. WHAT’S HER QUIRK GODDAMMIT

he’s screaming at Eri (even though she’s not there) that he needs her “in order to realize Pops’s ambition”

well too bad

Ryuukyuu looks very concerned, and I didn’t understand why, but then I remembered that even though Deku and Eri got to safety, the rest of them are all still stuck down there with him lol

it honestly didn’t even occur to me to be concerned. I don’t know why. I just assume they can handle themselves

NIGHTEYE WHY ARE YOU TALKING

I mean, we already knew that though

omg

...well shit

but I mean. did he really see that? because if so, that’s officially the first vision he’s had that we 100% know is not going to come true. so I guess they’re not infallible after all

and of course Ochako is FREAKING OUT now

oh no but she’s falling down now for some reason

(ETA: I guess she’s still fatigued from all the vitality-absorbing attacks earlier)

Nighteye says that he saw it

Ryuukyuu’s turning in disbelief asking him if he thinks they’d just go along with what he’s saying after hearing that

but he says that in their current condition they can’t win

EXACTLY

Nighteye is all “...”

and he’s giving Tsuyu directions to where Mirio is

and he’s asking Ochako and Ryuukyuu to help him to the surface omg

ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF

meanwhile back on the surface, Deku is landing!

and HIS LEGS AREN’T BROKEN OMG

IT’S ERI’S QUIRK

he’s asking her about it!

oh shit and now something’s happening

“RRIP” is not a good fx for one’s body to be making, generally speaking. though jury is still out on “ZZGGGG”

oh shit

look Overhaul, I’m going to allow you to make one last stand for just long enough that you can explain how this quirk works. and then you can fucking die

he says she doesn’t know how to stop it

siiiiiiiiiigh

you really went and made yourself into a giant Zelda boss. and made yourself into its fucking tongue

anyway he’s continuing to explain, and it seems it is indeed a time-rewinding quirk

actually that quirk sounds amazing. once she’s able to control it she’s going to be a BEAST. offensively and defensively this is a winner. I can’t believe she had to put up with so many assholes telling her she’s cursed. cursed with being fucking awesome, maybe

(ETA: question, the way Overhaul phrases this makes it sound like she can rewind literally anything. do we know if there is a limit? is it limited to just living things, or organic materials? or is it literally anything, because if yes, holy shit though?)

Overhaul’s telling Deku to return Eri to him. hahahahaha. full of jokes now, are ya

“there’s no way to stop her other than her disassembly” um, nah. pretty sure she’s capable of stopping herself if they can get her to calm down. which could probably easily be accomplished if you would just kindly step off and go fuck yourself

anyway, Deku’s strapping Eri to his back. oh damn

he gets it now. the instant his leg broke, she reverted it before he could even feel the pain

he says it’s a kind, gentle quirk

oh my god Deku yes. say it louder for her to hear!

oh baby girl it’s okay

oh fucking shit, of course Deku immediately thinks of how to appropriate this quirk for his own reckless needs

DEKU YOU SELF-DESTRUCTIVE LITTLE LUNATIC

(ETA: “CONSTANTLY ACCUMULATING INJURIES AT AN EVEN GREATER SPEED...!” jesus christ he is so fucking excited to have found this new and revolutionary way to wreck his body more efficiently than ever!!)

HIS HAIR SPIKED UP LIKE ALL MIGHT’S OMG!!??

DID THE SHAPE OF HIS FUCKING FACE CHANGE?? IT LOOKS MORE ANGULAR AND LIKE HIS BABY FAT IS SOMEHOW GONE ALL OF A SUDDEN?

I WISH I COULD SEE HIS MUSCLES, ARE THEY ALL BIG

(ETA: normal! so we’re still not sure how All Might does it, but that’s okay)

THIS KID IS ACTUALLY INSANE. “WILL YOU LEND ME YOUR POWER” FUCKING MAYBE ASK THAT BEFORE YOU GO AND DO THIS

NIGHTEYE REALLY PREDICTED HIM DYING EVEN AT ALL MIGHT LEVELS OF STRENGTH? JUST HOW BADLY IS HE SOMEHOW GOING TO MANAGE TO FUCK THIS UP

OH MY GOD LET’S KEEP READING AND FIND OUT

BONUS:

okay first off we have an “afterword” by Horikoshi announcing that this arc will finally come to an end in the next volume, and thanking everyone who’s sent him fan letters, and apologizing that he doesn’t have time to respond to them

he also talks about how tired he is and how energy drinks aren’t as effective anymore

I’m pretty worried about him burning out now tbh. Jump always works their best mangaka to the bone, and it’s a problem

other than that, there’s just the back of the volume 17 cover, which has Eri clutching her beloved Lemilliocape and more or less looking like she’s come straight out of some sort of apocalyptic AU

how did her clothes and bandages get so raggedy omg. Overhaul is just the worst caretaker in the history of time

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #overhaul (bnha)#eri (bnha)#sir nighteye #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #so in the bnha universe whoever makes pants needs a raise for sure #deku's pants can survive anything apparently #whereas his sleeves rip apart if he so much as sneezes #y'all remember his polo shirt from the forest lodge arc #'what shirt' you ask #yeah exactly #it lasted for like half a chapter #so what we have learned from this is that deku has the same tailor as bruce banner

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broadhurstblog-blog · 5 years

Text

A rough draft/timeline...

Once upon a time, I was a quiet child, who excelled in sports and could string together good sentences every now and again.

I received a certificate at the end of my first year in a boy’s secondary school in East Hertfordshire, by my departing English teacher called Ms Prole. It was certified that I was ‘Most Daydreaming Pupil.’

I was a child who lived inside his imagination, thought deeply about things. I had a fair amount of friends, most of them being at least two years older than me.

We would break into old bomb shelters, explore hard, found a small woods that contained concrete bunkers, and convinced ourselves we had discovered a secret, disused American airbases. I would go on long bike rides, often finding great secluded bodies of water that contained hard to catch fish. I played for a local bottom of the league football team, on often flooded fields that used to be paddocks.

Then something changed.My granddad died when I was twelve.Losing a wonderfully wise man whose wisdom I took for granted, well, it hit me really hard.My thoughts seemed to constantly focus on death.Over the course of the next year or so, my behaviour changed drastically, I became extremely undisciplined, argumentative, I got suspended from school on several occasions.With the help of an Educational Officer – psychiatrists and psychologists took an interest in me.After a few sessions with various medical professionals, my parents were informed with confidence that I had a condition called manic depression and that it was caused by a chemical imbalance/ deficiency of a salt in my brain.After being sure that my heart, kidney or liver was free from defects, I was prescribed Lithium Carbonate.

I took the medication most days between the ages of 14 and 18.

At first, my behaviour did not improve, and it was decided that I should spend time in an adolescent unit of the psychiatric wing of a hospital near St. Albans.

It was a very strange place, most of the resident children there were unwanted orphans I seem to remember.

A lot of the nurses were very heavy-handed in their restraint techniques, and doctors loved nothing more than to sedate those of us not willing to take part in various group activities.

The heavy-handed ways, the use of an exclusion room and the sedation syrup, for even the smallest of infractions – it makes me question the ethics and morals of some of the staff, but nothing I was privy to was against the law as far as I can tell. (There has been stories in the news recently about the police investigating historic abuse allegations, I can’t testify to being abused, but it certainly wasn’t the holiday camp that the staff tried to portray to my parents. Maybe the memories of that place would have been a lot worse without a father and mother looking out for me).

After a couple of months I was back to school.

I was the shadow of my former daydreaming self, but I no longer displayed as much unruly behaviour.

I had lost virtually all my friends, I was increasingly paranoid, socially withdrawn.

I was behind in my school work, and I wasn’t able to catch up.

By the time I was 15 I had the choice of resitting the year or joining another school out of the area 18 miles away, to be in the fourth form where nobody knew me.

So I opted to leave a pretty decent boys-only comp with a Christian ethos, to go to a mixed comp that used to be a grammar school, but which had become a third-rate egalitarian mess.

It is safe to say that I did not respond well to the lowering of educational standards. By the final term of my second attempt at being a fourth form pupil, I was ‘asked to leave’.

I left the school at the age of 16, without any experience of the fifth form. I went to the regional college for two years and completed a couple of NVQ modules in I.T.

I spent most of my college time in the library or playing basketball in the gym.

The point here is that I am not convinced I was mentally ill.

Maybe I was, but I do not think that medication/psychiatric treatment helped me.

The major thing that helped me become a less self-destructive force was *time*.

The death of a close family member really haunted my mind, and I did not know how to deal with it.

My childish poetry turned dark and very cryptic, unfortunately, the caring adults in my life who were interpreting my private words without my permission, they were totally off the mark in concluding that my prose was a sign of me being suicidal. I was certainly crying out for help, but my words were actually full of fear about death, not a single syllable expressed a desire to die.

I wasn’t sleeping much, and prolonged lack of sleep can affect behaviour a lot,

I stopped playing football,

I stooped going on adventures,

I stopped daydreaming.

Lack of exercise can cause serious problems, especially in a child who was once very active.

Add puberty to the mix. . .

I do not think Lithium was the answer to whatever was happening. And how did the medication affect the development of my fragile brain?

I guess that question is impossible for me to ever answer.

I was lucky to have a good family GP who was close to retirement, a doctor from an older generation who was in agreement with me that I would be better off without medication.

As soon as I was eighteen he helped me gradually decrease my doses until I was on the medication no more.

I lacked a lot of confidence, but had no problem finding work with the occasional kick up the backside from my father.

After running into a few dead ends, I eventually became a cellarman/barman in an unusually well run small family pub that was slightly off the beaten track.

In my mid-twenties I moved to Manchester with my licensee certificate in hand, but instead of running a pub, I ended up working in a mind-numbing call centre on behalf of a royal Scottish bank.

By the age of 30, I was a homeowner.

On paper, things seemed good. I heard from a reliable source that my parents were proud of me.

I was unhappy. The relationship with my supposed future wife was on the rocks. I was tired of being a battery chicken trying to get people into debt. I was drinking too much. I had put on a lot of weight. I think I might have been slightly depressed.

Then one evening there was a TV show on, presented by Stephen Fry, it was about living with Bipolar Disorder (The new name for manic depression.)

I think it was on at about the same time that the disability discrimination act came into force.

I was struggling with timekeeping and discipline at work.

Home life was not happy. I was a little drunk and somehow became convinced it was a good idea to talk about my ‘mental health history’ with my partner, and to my manager at work the next day.

Things went downhill very quickly from there.

I went to a doctor, got referred to a psychiatrist.

After a 30 minute consultation, it was decided that I had a mild version of ‘Bipolar II’ And Lithium Carbonate was being prescribed to me. It didn’t agree with me, and I abruptly stopped taking it. Bad idea.

I was a mess. After about 2 years I had split with my partner, mindlessly took my name off the mortgage agreement. I struggled to stay in regular work because of my erratic self-destructive behaviour. I was on benefits for a couple of years.

Eventually, I got a job as an assistant manager, in a betting shop of all places. It was an interesting few years, but working for a morally challenged employer can eventually take its toll on one’s spirit.

This is when I ‘gave up’. I would get a sick note from my local medical centre once a month, claiming I was depressed, etc.I started claiming Employment Support Allowance and Housing Benefit because of my supposed ‘disability.’.The money was more than enough to exist on as part of a house share in a diverse student area in south-central Manchester. At some point a cannabis smoker moved into the house I was barely existing in.It didn’t become long before an occasional toke turned into a regular habit. It took a year or so, but I eventually became undoubtedly mentally ill. I was not self medicating, I smoked weed because I enjoyed smoking it, I loved getting ‘high.’

My behavior gradually started changing for the worse over the course of about half a year. I went to doctors complaining of anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia etc. I told them about my cannabis habit too. The young funky doctor referred me to a young hip psychiatrist, who after 5 minutes of questions, decided that Quetiapine may be the answer to my woes. I wasn’t getting any better, and I gradually stopped taking the medication. I started smoking cannabis again.

I was under the influence of what I’ll call acute mania not long after reading ‘The Cameron Delusion.’ I am fortunate that was the last book I read before I became undeniably mentally ill.

At the height of my illness, it was like I was inside a vivid daydream like I was fast asleep and wide awake at the same time. It is hard to explain. I was aware I was ill though, I sought help. It was eventually decided I should be sectioned, and I disagreed, so a bunch of health workers accompanied by police officers came to my front door. One policeman with impeccable customer service skills informed me I would have to be restrained with cuffs for my own safety, and I was escorted into the back of a police van. The police chauffeured me to the hospital, where I became a reluctant resident/client in a locked ward for about 6 or 7 weeks.

I was forced to take a cocktail of 4 mind-altering drugs on a daily basis. A psychiatrist would see me for about five minutes, once a week. I was told after the sixth or seventh short consultation that I could be released under the condition that I carried on taking the drugs. A social worker visited me on two occasions in the two months after my release from the hospital. Assured I was taking the medication, the visits stopped. I didn’t mention to the social worker that I was gradually lowering the doses I was taking. Within days of the last visit, I had eventually weened myself of the medication completely. It took several months, but eventually, I got a job.

And I have been well, in full-time employment for about a year now, without any problems.

I don’t use cannabis anymore either of course.

And I haven’t knowingly talked to a doctor since my time in the hospital.Mind-altering drugs just do not agree with me.

#mental health #psychiatry #nhs #cannabis #lithium

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sagaciouscejai · 6 years

Note

prince of doom?

Sorry for the wait. It’s surprising how hard it is to structure a description of an aspect that’s literally associated with structure.

Princes are the active destruction class, meaning they can destroy their aspect or destroy things through their aspect.While the act of destruction is a pretty simple one to imagine applying to or through aspects and symbols thereof, removal or disruption of aspects are also within the purview of this class’ abilities. Princes are stoical and pragmatic people, barely emoting much beyond whatever their default expression is.

This is especially the case when they deal with their aspect, as they tend to shun and hide away integral parts of their self-image tied to it, reasoning it as unnecessary at best and harmful at worst. However, their ‘logic’ about the situation is more based in insecurity over reason, as it stems from some past experience in their lives where they incorrectly blamed their aspect for their misfortune. You can easily see that the player in question still feels some innate attachment and identity in the symbols and traits tied to those aspect, not throwing away things and still holding tight to aspirations and interests despite their inability to share it with others. Their weapon usually punctuates this very well, as it is the only weapon that a Prince has or uses prior to entering, and will still have some properties that can be linked to their aspect, even if the Prince underplays it.

Entering into the session should be the impetus for changing their mindset. To start, they should be placed into a land full of their aspect, which is on the surface level very threatening but should not reward the player for active aggression towards it. Instead, the main goal of this land is to make the user accept that the aspect is not as bad as they once found it to be, and to embrace it as a tool for their own disposal. While they will still be stoical, they will allow themselves to openly act with the traits linked to that aspect once again, and will be more inclined to experiment with weapons other than their iconic one. God Tiering is pretty simple stuff, as their powers manifest as very straightforward destructive channeling and removal of their aspect, regardless of source. Most other forms of beneficial manipulation of aspect, like aspect exchanging or stat altering, is probably pretty hard for them, but you really shouldn’t expect a puerile DPS to do much else beyond DPS.

Doom, on the other hand, is all about constraints. Doom is structure, stability, law, and order, made from a myriad of single restraints and conditions a functional system greater than the sum of its parts. On its most basic level, Doom is an aspect of a reaction, of a condition to be met and an outcome to be drawn from it when it does. It is every rule that enacts a punishment when it is broken, it is every bomb that explodes when its fuse is lit, and it is every single line of code that executes when its parameters are met. It is a rigid aspect, one that works within fixed states that most commonly manifest as binaries of 0 and 1, life and death, black and white, and so on. While not every code may have 2 states, like the numerous genetic code patterns that you see scrawled upon people’s homes, it is true that there is no gray area between a G, C, A, T, or any other letter that might be entered into that code. As Doom is so strict, it is also unforgiving, and deals out harsh punishment, death, and dismemberment for those who dare break its order. This is a necessity, since any code needs to be structured correctly in order to facilitate its purpose. A computer program with even the slightest error will cause any number of issues with its functionality, and genetic code with enough faults in its makeup can cause issues like cancer to arise. But Doom players are meant to take all these punishments in stride. Just as a programmer slaves to create a functional program and bear through every bug, freeze and crash that they can find, a hero of Doom can take the suffering and destruction of broken laws and faulty engineering to maintain and reconstruct stability.

While I am eager to string together my prose further, figuratively dancing around the subject of “mental stability” as it affects Doom players is not something I feel too comfortable doing. The brain of a person is just as much a system full of complex programming as it is maze of neural connections tied to Mind, and as such, the ‘stability’ of one’s own self can be directly tied to the amount of Doom they have within themselves. Commonly, when a Doom player lacks their aspect, either through the crossing of some unseen threshold that damages their brain from burnout, or they simply are born with certain dispositions that develop as they mature, they will have neurodivergencies that can be linked to their lack of ‘mental stability’. The implications of this can paint a pretty ableist depiction of mental disorders even if done well, simply due to how some classes manipulate their aspect. A thief stealing one’s ‘stability’ from others to make themselves a beacon of order makes for a horrifyingly toxic person, which I guess is par for course with Thieves but still a good note on how callously this system can treat . Beyond being a ‘stable’ person, people with an abundance of Doom are also naturally resilient people due to the sort of suffering and trauma they will endure. As well, they tend to be somewhat prophetic or have abilities that tend to be predictive in nature, which is most likely tied to them being connected to the structure of the universe, but just as easily can be tied to some ‘bug’ in their own mental programming if it isn’t a helpful ability.

With both of these pieces taken into consideration, a Prince of Doom would be an incredibly deadly offensive class that specializes in setting up traps. They would start off as very stoical and pragmatic as is expected, and they should be denying how mentally in control of themselves that they really are. They most likely had an experience earlier on in their lives that caused them to hide this sort of balanced personality away, alongside their interests and abilities linked to Doom. Despite this, their singular weapon of choice will have some qualities of Doom either in its background or its abilities, and they will have distinct prophetic visions that the Prince denies having or feels is coincidentally accurate. Chances are, any actual disorder they think they have is a misdiagnosis, like schizophrenia being attributed to their visions, or something that becomes more manageable or less pronounced with age or experience, which the Prince might not realize has made their condition easier to work around.

Regardless, once they enter into their session, the Prince will be forced to face their Doom. Literally, some symbolic representation of Doom will one of the two adjectives of their Land, and will manifest in a way that will seem incredibly threatening for this hero. They will try to destroy their aspect, but after learning that there is no benefit to doing such, will instead come to accept this Doom and utilize it as a tool and weapon in their arsenal. This trial will bring the Prince to realize and accept their resilient and ‘stability’, and by that the time they have God Tier they should have created more overtly Aspect-infused weaponry to use beyond their old standby.

As for powers, having the ability to literally destroy limitations and laws seems like a very useful skill if you wanted to launch something faster than light speed or allow dead selves to escape a dreambubble, even if the Prince gets the the whiplash from breaking them. More likely thought, they will simply unleash their abilities to destroy the constraints of other people and objects to leave them ‘unstable’ and weakened, even if not full destroyed. They can easily create the potential for cancer by wreaking havoc on one’s genetic code just as much as they could make the foundation of a building faulty in an instant. On the opposite side of things, they can channel their aspect into specific areas to create potentially deadly traps that activate at whatever the Prince decides, or just haphazardly spread Doom on an area to create minefields of Tumor-looking bombs. On a final note, these probably already had some knack with convincing others to disregard the law or to abandon their own pre-set limitations, and while Princes aren’t the subtlest in their ways, this should only become a more pronounced skill of theirs. They may be able to utterly rip down social structures with ease, even if doing so will probably brand them as a reprehensible anarchy-stoking demon as a consequence.

#asks #anonymous #homestuck #hiveswap #claspect #classpect #prince of doom #prince #prince class #doom #doom aspect

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freedomfighter2033 · 6 years

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Conditional love

As someone who grew up in an environment in which love and affection were predicated on my agreement and support of a specific religious system, I was never really taught what unconditional love was. I didn’t learn until much later that it's not normal to worry about your family abandoning you for questioning your groups religious doctrines or that it’s not normal to sever all contact with a person you considered a close friend simply because they did something the group deemed unacceptable. Instead I was taught that obedience and humility were synonymous. That the only life worth living is one that centerd around service of and subjection to the organization. That my life depended on being an active member of the group. That was my normal.

As one might have guessed being raised with these precepts was not without its consiquenses. Throughout my young life and even into adulthood the fear of being completely cut off from my friends and family if I did something my religious group forbid kept me isolated. This fear stunted my ability to form meaningful lasting relationships as a child and young adult. Even now I still have a very hard time trusting people and opening myself up to others. My experience is far from unique, many who grow up in high control groups suffered from and perhaps continue to battle similar insecurities.

Another consequence of growing up surrounded by conditional love is that not only do you develop a feeling of insecurity regarding your personal relationships, but you too are trained to love conditionally. The idea and sometimes the practice of cutting someone out of your life is praised as a demonstration of loyalty to the group, organization or possibly even god. Every bond you form within the group is made with the understanding that if you or they were to ever break the rules or question the groups teachings the relationship would cease to exist. This can make it extremely difficult to form deep connections with friends and family. The possibility that that relationship may have to be abruptly ended constantly looms over head and can be almost suffocating. In most cases a high control group will encourage its members to report on each other if they discover that their friend or loved one is breaking the groups rules. Simply confiding in one whom you believe to be a close friend about something you’ve done, something you feel or even something as simple as doubts about the groups teachings can result in them reporting what you’ve said or done to those in charge of administering punishment or discipline. This also makes it extremely difficult to truly trust even your closest friends who are members of the group.

Of course growing up with conditional love can also have the opposite effect. Rather than making it difficult for an individual to form connections with others they may find themselves indiscriminate with whom they enter into romantic relationships or choose as friends. The desire for strong meaningful relationships can sometimes blind them to the toxic nature of those individuals and relationships. This can be true of people they choose as friends both inside and outside of the group. Because most high control groups restrict who you’re allowed to associate with and usually encourage members to only befriend other members your options are often limited. This may lead to group members choosing friends out of necessity rather than due to the quality of their personality or friendship. It doesn’t matter how poorly they treat you obedience to the cult requires that these be the only people that you associate with. Worse yet is the fact that these groups will often turn any discontentment back around on the individual positing that the problem is with them and not their fellow members. Any claims of mistreatment or cruelty is attributed to the individual having “unreasonable expectations”, being “to emotional” or perhaps that they think they’re “better than everyone else”. This is a form of victim blaming that silences those who are being mistreated and shames them for simply expressing their feelings. This is also a form of gaslighting(a subject I intend on writing about in a future post) that makes the individual question the validity of their own thoughts and feelings. “Maybe this is just the way people are” “Maybe this is how all friends treat each-other”. Although self evaluation and introspection are very important and should not be ignored, it’s also important to recognize ones own self worth. If not this type of manipulation can lead an individual to drastically lower the standards of the treatment they permit themselves to endure. This is the ultimate goal the cult is trying to achieve. Their hope is that the individual will succumb to the criticism and social pressure placed upon them, to the point where they no longer react to or perhaps even recognize the fact that they’re being mistreated.

The situation can be just as bad for the individual when trying to form relationships with people outside of the group. Again the desire for friendship and for meaningful relationships can lead one to overlook negative qualities or personality traits. This problem can be exacerbated if the individual does choose to leave the organization and their fears of being cut off and shunned become a reality. The loss of everyone they care about can drive some down a very self destructive path.

In a desperate attempt to fill the hole left by their former social group they may settle for friendships that are abusive and or toxic. They may also engage in self destructive behaviors such as over drinking, drug abuse and or risky sexual activity. In most cases these behaviors are an attempt by the individual to cope with the pain of not only losing their friends and family but in some cases losing their sense of purpose as-well. For many the group or religion is all they had and all they knew and so for them leaving can be especially emotionally unsettling. Some also engage in these behaviors either in an effort to integrate into a new friend group or because they have been led to believe that these behaviors are the default of those who do not belong to their former faith. High control groups often present those outside the group as being untrustworthy and morally bankrupt. It may be implied or directly stated that non members or those who leave the group are inevitably going to be involved in the aforementioned behaviors (drug addiction etc..).

This negative image is not only meant to create a feeling of prejudice and distain for those outside of the group but it’s also meant to instill a fear of leaving.

In contrast to how it portrays those outside, the group will present itself as a physical and moral safe haven, protecting members from those on the outside who would take advantage of and or abuse them. This gives their followers a distorted idea of what it’s like to be an non or ex member. As mentioned before prejudice for nonmembers and instilling fear of leaving are the overall goals of this type of propaganda. Unfortunately as also mentioned before some who leave a high control group do end up getting involved in these self-destructive behaviors and some do end up forming friendships with abusive or toxic people. This works in the groups favor as it seems to confirm their claims not only regarding the behavior of non members but also their claims of the group being a protection from a treacherous world. It’s not uncommon for individuals to leave a high control group only to return sometime later with stories of abuse by nonmembers. Those who’ve left the group and encountered or befriended unsavory individuals and then returned may then caution others not to leave the group for fear that they may suffer the same fate. These testimonies supposedly confirming the organizations claims often dissuade members who otherwise would have from leaving.

Ironically although members are often encouraged to heed the warning‘s of individuals who have left and returned, they are simultaneously dissuaded from listening to those members who’ve left and who have chosen not to return. Many of these individuals did not choose to engage in self destructive behaviors and instead were able to rebuild their lives eventually becoming very happy and successful. This obviously runs counter to the narrative the organization wishes to put forward. This is part of the reason why they dissuade their members from and sometimes even punish them for speaking to ex members. The idea that one can be happy and content outside of the group is detrimental. There are however ways in which the group will try to counter this, these usually involve defamation of character. On top of already presenting nonmembers as immoral and untrustworthy the group will likely try to present ex members especially those who speak out about their experience, as dishonest, blasphemous, corrupt, bitter and perhaps even violent. If the group is religious they may even imply that those who leave or who speak out against their former faith are servants of the devil. Any success that they have will be attributed to their aligning themselves with the enemy or enjoying the spoils of a sinful lifestyle. Again this rhetoric is meant to build a hatred and prejudice for ex members as well as to instill a fear of leaving. After all if you believe that opposition to your group or its leaders is opposition to God himself and is perhaps even aligning yourself with the devil you will be unlikely to take such a step.

All of these things compound making the issue of relationships and love within such groups very complicated. A member may have or have had a very strong relationship with one who has since left the group. Due to the negative light the group paints such a decision and such individuals in, it may be impossible for the group member to reconcile what they have been told about ex members versus what they know to be true about their friend. This may cause them to question the validity of the groups claims regarding ex members. In some cases this creates an opportunity for the member to be introduce to the opposing arguments or information hidden from them while in the group. Unfortunately situations like this are not the norm. In most cases the fear mongering and character assassinations have the desired effect. For some members it may indeed be difficult to reconcile what they know to be true about the character and lifestyle of an individual who leaves versus what they are told such people are like, however because of the potency of the groups propaganda they will likely still believe that the individual is making a life threatening mistake. In these cases although they may experience great emotional pain the group member will still most likely follow the organizations instructions and cut off all contact. As horrific and disgusting as the practice of shunning is it must be stated that those who choose to do so are more often than not doing so because they are firmly convinced that what they have been told by their group or its leaders is true. The member may truly believe that he or she is doing the right thing and that by taking such actions they may in the long run be saving their friend. As stated before the group often praises those who shun former members for their loyalty and devotion to the group, they will also likely present shunning as the only means of getting the ex member to return to the group. When all this is taken into account it can be understood how someone can be convinced to do something as abhorrent as shunning a friend or family member.

That being said the damage done to someone’s mental health due to the sudden loss of their entire social network including their family cannot be overstated. Unfortunately many who grow up in high control groups and especially those who’ve experience shunning (also called predatory isolation) develop abandonment issues, depression and in some cases it has even led to suicide. Groups that advocate this practice do so with the hope that the mental stress and anguish of losing their loved ones will either dissuade someone from leaving the group or over time cause enough pain that they return.

So what’s the solution? Well once again(and I'm starting to feel pretty useless here) I don't necessarily have an answer for that, not an all encompassing one anyway. For me it was a matter of educating myself on the psychological underpinnings of what had been done to me and why I thought and felt the way I did. Introspection and deprogramming were and are vital tools in breaking free from this sort of indoctrination. Relearning how to love is extremely difficult but in my experience it's worth the effort. One resource that helps many who are leaving a high control group is a website run by cult expert Stephen Hassan he has written two books on the subject and is devoted to helping people rebuild their lives after leaving a destructive cult.

https://freedomofmind.com

#cults #ex jehovah’s witnesses #exmormon #mormon #scientology #jw.org #jw #jehovahswitnesses #jehovah’s witnesses

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emersonmanandnature · 4 years

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October 13, 2020

I ask you why is money our god?

God looks down on his creation, his son’s crown of thorns well healed, he thinks in a universal caring for his children but lately he has begun to see that these humans don’t have the discipline to coordinate a system of power that is shared equally by all. As he looks down on his congregation he finds himself wishing he never made adam and eve. Would the universe really care if its vastness was a little less populated?

The evangelical was a belligerent soldier for our lord, a preacher that loved the power he had accumulated in this human form over his congregation even though he had never met our savior personally but heard good things about him and the sacrifice he gave us on his bloody cross was just a wild ride of egomania.

What god-man lets all forget the countless others that were tortured and nailed to the cross by Pontius Pilate for mankind always seeks the one because the many gets confusing and the powers that be need to implicitly demand a one god system of mental and physical control.

But now I am the priestly human that has the power and I aim to keep it for my flock needs to be disciplined and shown that god is always present in the form of a bully, oh no! I meant an intelligent and personal coward, sorry I am a little confused right now too much booze does that to a man of god, a person making mucho bucks! even though I am way above being called a person for I am a saintly presence trying my best to guide my congregation to the holy land somewhere close I am sure. But not to my own paradise beach mansion on the shores of pure money. Don’t start thinking I stole the cash from my congregation, oh no how or why should I, they give their cash as free citizens of this here USA of criminal minds.

Why does anyone wanting what is best for his people, his flock of worshipers, always end up giving themselves up, sacrificing their life by allowing violence to be done to their physical revelation of a truth that was performed 2,000 years ago?

You won’t find me sacrificing an inch of my own skin and any of my hard earned cash from my profiteering drama of the evangelical cult of praise the lord for he is our bank drive up window. And all monies are safely deposited in off shore accounts and these crooks, I mean bankers, will get their split if they keep up the disguise of propriety.

And still with no sign of our god being present in his godly flesh or at least send your son back to this lonely planet and we can start over again for in our lives at present we are run by mobsters, criminal minds seeking their own earthly paradise off the sweat of the working poor and the middle class, as wars escalate, murder exceeds expectations, violence now an acceptable behavior we enter a new stage of evolution without guidance from above but from technology separating us from each other and conditioning us to see ourselves through a video screen and not the physical contact we must have to connect with others on a personal level.

We have been duped to believe in a god through a book written as a means of our salvation but if you read this book it seems like a crazy revelation not of god but our need as human beings to begin organizing our lives not around money and wars but as a society willing to reach out to others and give each other a helping hand.

Our fears, doubts and anxieties allow the wealthy to continue their plague of destruction on this planet without interference from our absentee god they created to placate us into doing what is best for the rich and not ourselves.

The words in the bible are a necessary truth on how to live your life and the necessary consequences of what will happen if you don’t. The book has everything you need to live a good life until you realize that your life is not as important as the money lenders that christ exposed in the temple for they saw a means of protecting themselves by being the powerful force on this planet and therefore we became the pawns that need to obey their structured greed. And what a brilliant idea they had to postpone the peoples paradise here on earth and state the only way to get to heaven is to shut up and do your duty and then when you die you will be able to enter the kingdom of heaven, if god blesses your life.

So god their fictional character died for our sins and through his sacrifice, a god that can’t die, the con on humanity was complete.

God is a bad father figure not only because he sacrificed his only son but where has our holy pride been all these centuries. He has become an absentee father to his herded children, as if we needed that to remind us that our paradise is only a death away. Lets give a big screaming hallelujah that dying is god’s way of loving us!

If we know one thing through the centuries is that there is nothing humans won’t do to others and to themselves when it comes to being religious zealots seeking an exhibition of their theatrical natures. And the persecution of innocence for these men of evil wealth rallied around that idea in order to maintain control over the populations of the world, they needed to make sure all humans needed to be born in sin and therefore they would flock to the church of wealth, oh I mean the church of a godlike priest, in order to get into god’s heavenly resort, no exceptions.

This way innocence doesn’t exist for these new born babies of sin and it is much easier to accuse the children to obey the rulers of this world until they die and make it into the twilight zone of faith.

It feels a lot like George Orwell’s classic book 1984!

Hate of innocence is anything but liberating, this non existent god should be ashamed of himself or herself.

For the crooks of this world to come up with this scheme that the children will be born into sin was a revelation of their monstrous egos and a great business plan that exceeded their wildest dreams.

Humans are loyal to their churches god for he is truth and any contradictions to their beliefs is ignored or attacked.

What humans want above all else is to be accepted, to be part of a group they believe in and can trust and feel nurtured in their faith especially when the minister presents his control of his flock using his mastery of his biblical words of sin in all human activities, but when their behavior interferes with the preachers demands, for he is the saintly path to god but forget about communication directly with god for his silence would only cause confusion but if you seek god, seek him through me, just a man but a man with high regard for himself and his parishioners for they will be saved if they just accept my words from the holy book, for I am the conduit, as your middle man through which god can be contacted and your souls saved from your vile sinful natures.

Judge not and I won’t be judged for some of my relished perverse desires get me all excited but in my truth I know that god will forgive my transgressions because I am a man of the cloth and I have a deep connection with our lord and father.

In each of his sermons he professionally uses redundant demands that his congregation get with it and bring in more servants of god for his church is a real money maker for him, praise the lord our holy father and a cash cow, oh, wait I am sorry, “a golden cash cow”.

This minister of anger and hypocrisy didn’t really care whether god was one man or three as long as the money kept flowing into his account but for god being one god was not enough, to easy, so our father broke his holiness into three imaginary subjects of intense passion, his three amigos, friends, as he one entity divided himself into three spirits and in this separation of self I think the father got a little paranoid about sharing the power so he sent his son to be the savior of the human disgrace, well you know the story, god sent his only son down to be tortured and nailed to a cross because I guess god was busy that day and his son was getting a little lazy and little stuck on himself so god thought why not give his son this task, put a little more motivation into his sons perfect being but why couldn’t he just appear and pretend to go through the motions of being human and why did they, the holy trinity of power decide to have him born to a virgin without asking the virgins parents if that would be ok, it seems a little forward for the powers that be to look toward his son and not themselves as saviors but that is ok because god will take that credit anyway,

So gods son is growing up fast and creating a little uncertainty with his father maybe because he wants to get this trial, his day in court done, completed, tortured, crucified and buried and risen again so he can get back to flirting with the saintly woman not that he was a romeo with infinite power but that he was only human with human emotions and what a paradise to come home too anyhow as we know he created a ruckus with his preaching and

Begins to gather around him his future apostles these guys were a little aimless in their lives and when they heard him preach, his words consumed them and they praised his mental makeup and his ability to preach by educating the people that this world we live in is nothing but a test and if you pass this test then you will be rewarded in god’s almighty heaven somewhere up there in the sky or past it or maybe on another planet anyway you will live happily ever after or as we like to say you will live forever in infinite sermons by one of the holy three on how they saved you from extinction by giving you freewill and criminal minds to destroy the planet that once was our paradise but it might get a little boring when the threesome go on vacation, even gods need a break from the constant thumbs up or thumps down as the horde of people keep coming,

Earth must be a pretty horrible place for so many humans dying in violence and climate destruction and that is when you will get a substitute godly preacher, an evangelical that believes he is the next coming power to tame sin in others but not in himself as his radar eyes have spotted some of the pretty angels flying around doing good works here on earth, so lets step back a bit, we jumped to far ahead lets get back to god’s only son and his short time on earth to save us by sacrificing himself for our sins not his own for he was the son of god and as such his father loved him as a spirit friend also but still felt a little uptight about his son being an almighty being as he was and what of his second cousin the holy ghost and why ghost, why not holy spirit or the

Third wheel now that doesn’t sound right lets just keep him as the holy sidekick that sounds a little more fluid and consequential and besides we all believe in spirits don’t we and why this big deal about evil for we know human nature for I made them and we know the desires of their sinful lusts for we created adam and eve, they were the perfect pair for they understood their beauty and their ego’s were large and why shouldn’t they eat the apple of sin how bad could that be, who would make a rule like that and then follow through by ousting us from paradise when in fact it was god, the older god, not that handsome jesus, that said we were his only children at this time and think about it if we were his children why would we believe he would abandoned us to a world ripe with violence and hate and meaningless drivel, just because my eve was hungry and enticed to eat the

Redness of the apple and I might have taken a little bite off it myself and if it was the tree of knowledge what’s the big deal you know I am not stupid and look evil is as evil does and I guess you are more upset with being disobeyed than you are in your creations and look after that fiasco eve bore sons cain and abel and what did cain do, now that’s evil, what is a little apple of knowledge it wasn’t like we ate the whole damn tree, and besides we could have eaten from the tree of life and we would live as long you, forever our god and our accuser, for don’t we have a right to know what our god knows and isn’t that your unique knowledge and shouldn’t it be ours for we are you and you are us, why can’t human beings know the reasoned purpose of god not as a spirit unseen but a gift to mankind, yey our impossible luck to be born on a planet that has air and natural beauty even though its inhabitants are shallow animals willing to destroy this planet for profit by not caring anything about human survival.

#religion #god #adam and eve #fiction #father #son #holy ghost #fiasco #paradise awaits #cjcorwinoriginal

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