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#snore and fart like…
cloveroctobers · 1 year
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Idk why these adults think it’s cool now at our big ages to still share beds with your cousins (sure that shit was fine when we were kids I guess…) like nah people like their own space and why are you trying to micromanage a house that isn’t even yours? Yes this is me talking shit about my granny it’s mad annoying lol
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heavensims · 8 months
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Today, I said goodbye to the bestest friend I could have ever asked for. He was always loving, nonjudgmental, and patient (except when it was cookie time). I don't know where I would be if he hadn't been part of my life and I am grateful for every minute he loved me, but no amount of time would have ever been enough.
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catharusustulatus · 4 months
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Steve and Robin play hangman when they’re bored at work and Robin never wins because Steve spells words incorrectly during his turns, always ends up confusing his e’s and a’s. But they’re undefeated at Pictionary, can guess what the other one is drawing in a single line. Dustin always thinks they’re cheating.
When his parents are gone on weekend trips, Robin will come over and the two of them will watch movies all day and bake banana bread. Steve loves banana bread. Robin can’t stand when people chew with their mouths open but not Steve, who braids and unbraids her hair and talk-chews through the whole first half of St. Elmo’s Fire (her pick).
Steve once tried to color coordinate Robin’s closet as a surprise and it did NOT go well. Robin didn’t talk to him for two days, she was so upset. But Steve understands, he really does, when she explains what’s wrong over the phone. When he knocks on her door after dinner with a new mixtape, they end up driving around aimlessly until the tape is over and all is forgiven.
Robin holds Steve’s hand when he gets bad migraines, strokes up and down his arms when he has to put his head in his hands. Understands when certain days are bad days, quieter and gentler with him. She always keeps an extra pair of sunglasses in her school bag, just in case.
They haven’t talked deeply about the monsters, but they know each other’s favorite songs and foods and colors and their celebrity crushes and jean sizes and allergies (Robin can’t eat shellfish). They have done karaoke for longer than three hours and peed their pants laughing and have seen each other naked and have sat in complete silence, comfortable on Steve’s leather couch and happy just to be in each other’s company, their favorite person the other person in the room.
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therealvalkyrie · 1 year
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god idk what I even ate today but I am farting up a storm. good grief
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marsbotz · 1 year
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spiderman makes my autism EXPLODE
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evenina · 1 year
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Its crying over "Fair" hours
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lilacwriter07 · 9 months
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I know I am getting older to find out that cats do infact snore ...
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benevolentslut · 1 year
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it's 7am and i have not slept
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lowkeyremi · 3 months
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JJK CHARACTERS AND THEIR ICKS
basically things they do that make you upset. this is a joke so please do not attack me. y'all already know i never miss a chance to slander gojo!!! credit to my sweet mutual lene (@satorisoup) for giving me this idea!!! GO READ HER'S (if you're into haikyuu)
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Gojo
PLEASE. He 100% leaves his clothes on the floor and it really grates your nerve when the hamper is RIGHT THERE!!! and he just leaves them right in front of it. It's so embarrassing when you have guests over and they just pull a dirty sock from between the couch cushions.
Yuji
I love him but I just KNOW he leaves toothpaste in the sink. It's like he doesn't understand the concept of rinsing the sink out after you brush your teeth. You'll finally be making your way into the bathroom to brush your teeth and there's dried spit and toothpaste in the sink.
Megumi
Always. talks. back. It does not matter he always has something to say. "Well you could have just taken out the trash like I asked you to." and he'll say something snarky like, "Maybe if you weren't so soft spoken I would have heard you." BOY SHUT UP BEFORE YOU GET SLAPPED.
Geto
He is a HUGE gossip. "Mimiko was telling me about xyz yesterday." He just doesn't know when to shut up. People think Geto is a very quiet and kept to himself kind of person but when he knows you he will not stop talking shit.
Toji
There are so many things I could say but the worst of them all is the fact that he will wear the same pair of underwear more than twice. "Toji... are those the same fucking boxers you had on Thursday?" You can see the hem line of his boxers and it looks like the same pair from Thursday. He sets down his cup, "Uh, probably. What's today?" ... "IT'S SUNDAY. JUST WASH YOUR CLOTHES!"
Nanami
He's overbearing with tasks. He forgets that you know how to do things and will bug you until he knows you've done them. "Don't forget to take your car to get an oil change soon." You nod.
A few hours later when he returns home, "Have you gone down to get the oil ch-"
"Kento! The love of my life. I know. I'm going tomorrow." ... "Oh, okay. I'm sorry."
Nobara
Leaves her plate/bowl/etc on the table. You've reminded her on multiple occasions that she needs to do it but she just forgets. "Food was great!" She yells with a smile. In no time she's up from the table sprinting to the living room. "Nobara.. your plate." She freezes, "Oh shit right. I'll get it!"
Maki
She snores. It's not the cute kind either, it's the loud obnoxious kind that prevents you from sleeping. You've tried to get her to change her sleeping posture and find other ways to help but it does. not. matter. By the end of the night she will be holding you close. Your back pressed against her front and loud snores ringing in your ear.
Inumaki
Never gives you any kind of warning when he's going to fart he just does it. HE KNOWS they're a lethal weapon but finds it funny whenever you're screaming at him and gasping for air. God forbid he ever farts while you two are in bed because a dutch oven from him is probably enough to kill you.
Shoko
She laughs whenever you trip or get hurt in any kind of way. She doesn't even mean it she just does it. Like say she sees that the pavement is uneven she doesn't say anything and watches you trip, just to laugh about it. "Okay okay okay, I'm so *giggle* sorry. I should have said something, let me help you up."
Sukuna
Thinks because he's lived for a long time he knows everything and then he gets mad when, "This stupid little talking box won't work." (his phone) "This shit is broken again." He complains throwing it to you. "Dude.. it's powered off. 'Mr. I Know Everything.'" He rolls his eyes at you, "I do know everything you shit for brains." You scoff, "See if I ever help you turn on your 'talking box' again."
Choso
He's always second guessing you. He doesn't even realize it either. The two of you will be driving and he's like, "Are you sure you know where we're going? Should I pull up GPS." YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING CHILL. He's just really cautious though which is why he asks a million times.
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yorshie · 9 months
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Hello, fellow raccoon here 🦝 If it’s not too much trouble, could you write about sharing a bed for the first time with the Bay!verse turtles?
Ah! Another raccoon! Thank you for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this one! I went with head canon style.
Bayverse x reader, SFW other than bedshare, set in 2023 so turtles are 24-25
Tags: @jackalope-in-a-storm @tmnt-tychou
MICHELANGELO
This sweet turtle got his nest all ready when he heard you were finally spending the night. Brought in your favorite snacks, hunted down all his extra pillows from around the Lair, and restocked his mini fridge in case you got thirsty.
So when the time finally came and you go drop your bag off in his room, there is not a free spot to be found. His bed is a mountain of pillows and blankets, the small coffee table shoved in front of his tv has everything from pizza, microwavable food, and what looks like three different flavors of cookies piled on top of it.
Not gonna lie, its a bit intimidating. You might even have faltered, if sunshine boi wasn't right behind you with your toiletry bags, happy go lucky energy rubbing off until it felt like the spotlight wasn't directly on you.
the rest of the night is spent in typical Mikey fashion, a.k.a. a game and movie marathon. His brothers occasionally wander past his open door to say hello and to see what the two of you are up to. They might have a bet running on how much Mikey smothers you and how long you'll allow it. Even Splinter is in on it, thought the old rat refrains from making an appearance so his youngest doesn't feel like he's doing something wrong. He wants to marry his sons off eventually, after all.
When you eventually get tired and it's time to delve into the towering abyss of pillows that have taken over his bed, Mikey's territorial side makes an appearance. The door gets shut and locked to avoid anyone that might think it's a good idea to pull a prank (none of his brothers would but Mikey is paranoid because he is the prankster), and he wastes no time diving in after you for some cuddles.
oh. ok, maybe there's too many pillows, because now he can't find you! He's lost his significant other! Cue a mini chase where most of his bounty ends up in the floor in his search. You are not getting out of cuddles. No amount of wiggling or hiding will save you.
the actual cuddling is quite nice. Mikey's warm and his bicep makes for an excellent pillow. He likes to lay face to face, with your head tucked under his chin, limbs entangled and churring up a storm that you knew would have his brothers wincing in second hand embarrassment if they ever heard all the turtley noises he made when it was just the two of you.
He definitely snores, though. And farts in his sleep. Fact of life, don't get mad, because we all do it sometimes, most of us just aren't a mutated turtle man with a noxious gut fueled by pizza and sour patch kids. Dutch oven him with his own farts as payback.
in the morning you'll definitely wake up first, though as soon as you start to move Mikey will be alert. Call it sixth sense, but all the turtles are hyper aware of their own personal spaces and who's in them. I hope you weren't planning on getting an early start that morning, because now that Mikey's awake he's ready to continue the movie that you getting sleepy paused the night before. While getting more cuddles and eating breakfast in bed, of course.
LEONARDO
he internally started creating lists as soon as you accepted his sleepover proposal. Panics a little and moved the date once to make sure his sheets are washed the day before. Everything in his space has to be perfectly so. If someone interupts his cleaning and prepping, they better expect to have their head bitten off. Will have a literal panic attack if you arrived early.
You, of course, notice nothing out of place when he presents his room for your inspection. Yes, you read that right. This turtle will practically sweat as he waits for your verdict on whether the nest is good enough. No, he doesn't realize what he's doing. If you pick up on it don't tell him or else he might start panicking again.
The two of you will actually not spend too much time besides sleeping in his room, most of your time will be hanging out in the main living area. This serves two purposes: as the eldest Leo wants you to get along with all his brothers, and two, the thought of his bothers coming by his room to say hi to you absolutely drives is reptile brain crazy. So you'll eat and hangout with everyone else, and try not to laugh at the subtle teasing you know your turtle is going through with the whispered jokes and laughter that seem to stop every time you turn around.
When it gets late enough and everyone starts peeling off to do their own thing, you'll have to let Leo know you are ready to go lay down. Hilarious if you think He's going to suggest it's time to head to bed to you, he's trying his hardest not to think of the words "you" and "nest - BED! he meant bed!" in the same sentence.
when you finish your nighttime routine and make your way back to Leo's room, don't be surprised to find him on a makeshift pallet on the floor. There is no way you couldn't have seen this coming, but don't worry, there's an easy fix. Simply get in his bed, close to the wall, and start shivering. Loudly. Ham it up. In no time flat you'll have a turtle sneaking up next to you to keep you warm, though at first he will be hesitant. Cuddling you in the privacy of his own room with the expectation of sleep is very different from just chilling with you.
despite Leo trying to be a gentleman during the beginning, leaving you a bit of space and trying his hardest not to crowd you, by an hour in he will be wrapped around you. As he slowly gets tipped closer and closer to the edge of sleep, the more loose he will become. And once he gives in and gets used to the cuddles, he will never want to stop.
He clicks and chirps in his sleep sometimes. You woke up thinking there was a baby bird or something in the room, only to discover the high pitched noises were coming from him, before he transitions into deeper churrs from his chest right in front of your eyes. If you keep very still and quiet he might not wake up, but he will be traumatized if he does and discovers he makes these noises
There is very little chance of you waking in the morning before Leo. This turtle gets up early, but maybe just for today he can slip back next to you, after morning training, just to feel close to you for a bit longer. When you wake up you could just spend the morning talking, he won't mind being lazy as long as it's with you
You'll most likely be the one making breakfast if the other brothers aren't up yet, as Leo is banned from making anything other than tea or using the strict guidelines Mikey placed next to the microwave. But, he is an excellent sous chef, and after you're both fed he will be quick to suggest an activity so the two of you can hang out longer. Just know he's already weighing his chances of getting you to spend the next night as well.
DONATELLO
Dee had about 50 reminders set in the days leading up to your first sleepover, and a mental list he was practically grappling with in between projects. Anytime he'd focus on what was coming up too much, the butterflies would start going haywire in his stomach and he was likely to drop whatever it is he's holding at the time
Needless to say, he was in a bit of a panic by the time you showed up. Technically speaking, logically speaking, he knew his bed and room where both clean. And he knew you liked spending time with him, so why the anxiety? Why the nerves? He's so nervous, he doesn't even realize you've arrived, moved around his habitual pacing to set your bag on his bed, and now you're simply watching him with fond curiosity.
He shrieks when he finally notices you. Practically has a heart attack and knocks over at least four stacks of meticulously arranged cds and various technological components. Eventually joins in your laughter after he's calmed down enough to see the humor in the situation.
Just this once, Donnie has cleared his timetable of various projects to focus soley on you. That isn't to say that before he's blown you off or ignored you, but by now you are well aware how hard he has to work to contain his wandering mind, al lthe little tips and tricks he uses to keep his focus on the here and now and not bouncing from idea to idea.
The two of you will not be spending too much time out in the main area. The time it takes the two of you to procure dinner is more than enough brotherly interaction for the tall turtle. Not to mention, it turns almost awkward as the other's try desperately to not make prolonged eye contact with anyone else. They learned a long time ago not to tease the brother that controls all their devices and the access to the wifi.
Once Donnie and you are comfortable back in his room, the true hang out will begin. You'll play rock-paper-scissors to pick a movie, Donnie always lets you win, but he gets to pick the music that plays in the background. If you want, he'll access his computer and set up the program to make the lights in his room dance to the beat. Curled up in his arms, it is the easiest place to fall asleep, surrounded by fluttering lights that mimic being underwater.
Donnie may not actually sleep, but he stays with you the entire night. If you wake at all it might be to the idle scratching of pen on paper as he writes, his hand moving in your hair or along your back, or to his soft breaths caught in a light doze, a soft churr rumbling in his chest. If you're also the type to burn the midnight oil, you both might stay up talking long enough that the morning slowly creeps up on you before you both pass out.
Splinter often stops by the Lab in the morning on his way to meditate, if only to wrap a blanket over his son's shoulders and move his glasses to a safe spot. It's an ingrained habit, so much so that it doesn't even register that you spent the night until he quietly opens the door. He takes on look at the two of you holding each other close, and turns away with a smile.
Dee can cook, but most likely he'll order from the diner one block above their preferred manhole cover, and the two of you will sneak out for eggs, bacon and pancakes before secreting it away in his room so you don't have to share.
RAPHAEL
If the two of you are close enough for a sleepover, Raph is going to be the calmest of his brothers about you being in his personal space. Sure, he'll clean up, make sure all his dirty clothes are in his hamper and all the drawers actually shut on his dresser, but don't expect much in the way of fanfare.
He doesn't care where you wanna hang out in the evening, as long as you're comfortable. If you're out in the Lair proper however, get ready for some brotherly jockeying. Mikey almost can't help teasing Raph about having a guest over for the night, but the bigger brother will take it in stride as long as its only Mikey. Donnie tends to stay out of the limelight when it comes to teasing, but you better hope Leo doesn't so much as raise an eye ridge in Raph's direction. To be fair, the blue turtle is likely only drawing attention to how soft for you Raph is, but the two of them earning a trip to the Ha'shi might put a bit of a damper on the sleepover.
Leo's right though, Raph is completely soft for you. You want something to eat? He'll go get it for you without even a huff. You want popcorn for the movie? He'll bring back soda as well. You ask how much he can bench? He'll toe the line between showing off and making sure he can actually handle the weight. You neck hurts from having to crane around him to watch the movie? He'll lay on the ground and let you splay across his shell. You blink at him and sleepily ask to be carried? You're already up in his arms before you can even finish the sentence.
When it comes time to sleep, Raph will insist you take the inside of the bed, close to the wall, but he's thought ahead and gotten you your own pillow so you don't have to share with him. Yes, technically its from Mikey's room, but don't worry he disinfected it with a shit-ton of Lysol and Frebreze and washed the cover. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to cuddle, but of all the things Raph understands in his life, the very first few are the difference in size between the two of you, just how much he weighs, and how strong he is. So he'll tuck you against the wall and lay out on his stomach in one of the few positions that makes it hard for him to tip over. There's just enough room between the lip of his shell and the mattress for you to slot yourself against him, and he'll take the opportunity to slide his arm around your waist and bury his snout in your hair.
He'll hold you there throughout the night, breath slow and even. If you wake, be prepared that any movement will rouse him. He can't exactly help it, and he tries not to make you feel guilty over it, but you can always make out the green shine of his eyes peering down to make sure you are ok before he drifts back off again.
This turtle churrs sometimes in his sleep, but it's not the cute or soothing churr of contentment. No, someone parked a diesel engine in his man and is revving it like he's driving up an inclined gravel mountain road. The only way to get him to stop is to poke the thin strip of skin along his side, repeatedly, until he snorts and shifts. 50/50 chance the shifting will stop the churring. If not, you'll have to repeat the process.
In the morning, he'll dip before you wake, and come back to the room with warm pastries and whatever he's seen you drink in the morning. If you want your breakfast right away however, you might have to bribe him with turtle smooches as he tries to steal back his spot and catch up on the cuddles he's missed being a good boyfriend. Yes, he's holding you hostage, unless you want to try climbing over him. You might succeed if you make him laugh.
At some point in the day, after breakfast and whatever morning routine you keep, Raph will ask you what you want to do. If you want to go home, decompress, he'll take you home, but if you want to stay again and hang out some more you'll get to see the sweetest, softest smile break across his face.
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shares-a-vest · 5 months
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@steddiemas Day 16: Angst-Themed (Saturday Sentence Starters)
wc: 1k | Rated: T | cw: Steve’s parents are arguing (he is overhearing it briefly but there are some descriptions of yelling), toxic family dynamics, unstable marriage, cheating
Tags: Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unstable Marriage, Toxic Family Dynamics, Cheating
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“I don’t want to fight with you, Caroline,” Steve hears his father bellow from downstairs, “Not tonight.”
He snaps his comic closed and tosses it on the floor.
Steve has no idea what his parents are arguing about. Hell, they don’t even need an excuse these days, he thinks. Someone can so much as fart and it will start a goddamn screaming match.
He guesses he shouldn’t be surprised. It’s the holidays and his parents are both off work until the beginning of the New Year. It’s snowing heavy out so they can’t go down to the Martens’ house – their best friends-come-buffer zones.
“Oh, John!” his mother chides before there is a lower muffle that he can’t quite make out.
While being hard of hearing allows him not to hear anything below a shout, the broken argument is still frustrating.
His parents might not need an excuse to fight, but he’d still like to know what it’s about. Gain intel for the inevitable coming days of being stuck in the middle.
Steve has a few guesses as to what it could be.
His mother bought a new car with her Christmas bonus finally topping up her bank account and thus justifying an indulgent and expensive purchase. His father always hates that.
Steve smirks.
If his father didn’t like that kind of independence, why did he marry a high-paid lawyer?
But, the more likely scenario considering his father’s apparent insistence he ‘doesn’t want to fight’ is that he is cheating again.
Cindy, his secretary, or someone new – take your pick.
The telltale signs have been there for a month or two. A renewed cheery attitude, longer office hours, a fresh haircut and new clothes.
Actually, now that he thinks about it, it might be a little bit of a motivator behind his mother’s car purchase too – 
“ – Cindy!” his mother shrieks.
Yep, there it is.
Steve rolls off the bed, planting his feet on the carpet right by his shoes.
“Fuck this,” he mutters, scooping up his keys and wallet from the nightstand.
He’s just about halfway to Forest Hills, driving at a snail’s pace because he can’t see for snow, when he begins to regret his decision to leave the house.
Maybe he shouldn’t just barge in on the Munsons unannounced. Like sure, his friendship with Eddie is… teetering on not being entirely platonic. But this might be too much.
He always thought it was too much when he’d walk down to stay at Carol Perkins’ house for an impromptu sleepover. And there was always this awkward, knowing going on with the Wheeler’s when he was dating Nancy and spending a lot of time just hanging about.
Lingering for too long in the kitchen chatting to Karen or watching a game with Ted until the guy started snoring too loud to hear the commentators.
It was all there but largely unspoken.
Only Robin knows the details. And even then, he’s sure that her father’s friendliness towards him was partly due to his daughter telling him all about the trouble at the ‘ol Harrington house. He doesn’t blame his best friend for likely doing so. And he doesn’t consider it blabbing, either. Robin’s parents – her whole family – are amazing.
But some of his parent’s shit is stupid at best, hard to take at worst.
And he is scared to let Eddie in on it.
It’s too much.
He’s too much.
Being a Harrington is too much.
Wayne answers the door with a cup of cocoa that seems glued to his left hand in winter.
“Steve,” he says, voice gruff as ever despite a warm smile.
“Hi,” he replies, looking down at his snow-covered boots, “Eddie in?”
Of course, he’s in, his van is parked outside.
Steve can feel the warmth from inside the trailer. See the twinkle of lights from the Munson’s small, but heavily-decorated, Christmas tree. The smell of cocoa overpowering the ever-present hint of cigarettes.
“Eddie!” Wayne calls over his shoulder, “Steve’s here.”
In a flash, Eddie runs to the front door and practically bumps into his uncle.
“Come in!” he insists, wide-eyed as he looks past his shoulder at the falling snow.
And before Steve can even step in, Eddie is pulling him by his parka sleeve. He only just manages to scrape off his boots on the ‘Home Sweet Home’ adorned welcome mat.
“What some cocoa?” Eddie offers, eliciting a grumble from Wayne.
“I asked if you wanted some,” he chides.
“But Steve might want some,” Eddie grins.
“How about I heat up a pot now, and whoever wants some’s got it?” Wayne suggests, pursing his lips at Eddie and moving to the stove before his nephew can make any more requests.
“Follow me,” Eddie says, grabbing his hand, “I made cookies.”
He wiggles his brows and begins leading Steve to the kitchen.
As he is pulled along, Steve tries not to think about the fact that they are holding hands. Or how he wishes his fifteen-minute-ago Self had thought to bring an overnight bag and allowed himself to assume the Munsons would allow him to stay the night.
But it might be even harder to stop himself from squeezing his friend’s hand and lacing his fingers with Eddie’s.
Eddie lets go of his hand to gesture to the tray of Christmas-themed shapes, all looking a little too dark for gingerbread as they rest on the kitchen island.
“Pick one, Big Boy,” Eddie beams.
Steve reaches for a reindeer, flexing his fingers as he goes and commits the feeling of Eddie’s rings to memory.
“No!” Eddie shrieks, lightly smacking his hand enough that he drops it, leaving the cookie to snap in half as it falls back onto the tray, “His antlers are broken.”
“Christ, boy!” Wayne curses, stirring the pot on the stovetop.
Okay, a tree then…
“The star is missing!”
A bell?
“That was already snapped in half when I got them out of the oven”, Eddie admits with a tight-lipped smile.
Steve places his hands on his hips and rolls his eyes. To him, they all look at least a little crumbly – some he would even describe as lightly charred.
“How about you pick one for me then, Betty Crocker?” he chuckles.
Eddie giggles, twirling a lock of his hair as he carefully considers the tray of mostly broken, dry cookies.
He watches Eddie for a long enough time that Wayne pushes a mug into his hand, the warmth of Eddie’s hand remaining in place due to the heat of the cocoa. It’s a Chicago Cubs mug, one that he finds himself holding at some point each time he is here as if Wayne considers it Steve’s own.
He smiles for the first time in three days.
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rslashrats · 1 year
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my predictions for the mario movie
they’ll have a montage of mario’s failed career paths at the start of the movie and it will include him trying to be a doctor and him and luigi trying to run a hotel
the brothers will order a stereotypical italian dish and either ask for extra mushrooms or no mushrooms. if the latter happens at the end of the movie they will order the dish again and specifically ask for mushrooms to be on it
the brothers will have a secret brother handshake
mario will be like “dont you ever wish you could do more with your life? dont you want to do something bigger” to luigi who will be like “nope not really” and then turn around and go to sleep. they sleep in the same room in different beds and the beds are color coded. one of them will snore really loud too and it will trigger my misophonia and make me violent
they will make a reference to a neglected nintendo franchise where the only three fans of said property will be in the theater with me and start whooping and hollering
either mario or bowser will get star power and look at the power surging from their hands and go “i can get used ta this”
the third act will include some sort of argument where mario leaves and princess peach and co gets captured by bowser so mario has to go back to save everyone
kamek at one point will say something like “sir, you might wanna see this…” to bowser
that tweet where the person had a nightmare that the mario movie included a bad fart joke that ends in bowser shitting on a wall will be in the movie somehow
they will have a fakeout death scene with mario after he makes a heroic sacrifice that ultimately saves the day. the characters will start crying and then a single tear will fall on mario and make him wake up
princess peach will give mario a kiss on the nose and he will turn all red and go “WAHOO” and a 1-up sound effect will play
they have a dance party at the end of the movie with an early 2010’s pop song playing
there will be an after credits scene that alludes to a sequel where wario and waluigi’s hats appear on screen for a single second
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trtlebuns · 11 months
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Ghost realizing you’re a wild sleeper
Synopsis: Ghost and yours first night together and you’re worried that you might do something weird while you sleep…
Sfw 😝
Uh…I was going to do a bunch of other cod men but I got lazy :)
First fic on tumblr, whoop whoop
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Simon Riley <Ghost>
The first night of sleeping together with ghost as a newly established couple was nerve wracking not because you’re scared of sleeping with this fine piece of ass, no no no it’s because your friends have mentioned that you’re a “wild sleeper” whatever that means, right?
“You alright” Simon breaks you out of your deep thoughts of you socking him in the mouth as you’re dead asleep
“Hm? Oh! No, I’m just a bit nervous because what if I say something weird in my sleep?” You shyly respond, knowing really that you’re either 1) scared you’re going to WWE fight this man in sleep or 2) fart….let’s go with the latter.
Simon chuckles and responds as you both get comfortable in bed “I’ll let you know, because I’m quite the light sleeper in case something happens through the night”
Shit
was your true response but you quickly respond with an “oh, that’s a bummer, I got some melatonin if you need it.” You turn away to pretend look for some melatonin as your thoughts race:
This man is a LIGHT SLEEPER?! Oh Jesus please watch over me and not let me knock this man unconscious so he can really experience a deep sleep
“It’s no problem at all, in fact I like that fact that I’m a light sleeper, so please don’t put yourself in a hassle and get some sleep” Simon said
Hehe get it??
“Oh alright, justsoyouknowimawildsleeper” you quickly said as you laid down and quickly shut your eyes fake snoring
4am
Simon Riley POV
It’s been 3 hours since the torture has begun.
Y/n was moving around at 1am, slob coving their pillow and mouth and hair a mess, deep sleeper, kinda jealous but nevertheless I left it alone
Normal sleep movements
I felt a hand movement but it quickly connected with my face, I jolted up thinking it was an intruder but it was just y/n and I on the bed.
I look to my right and see y/n’s hand on my cheek and they smacked their lips and turned their head, still fully asleep
I gently move their hand back to a relaxing position and laid back down
Not even an hour passes by and I have y/ns HANDS AND FEET on me trying to push me out of the bed?????
Moving on to them laying on top of me in full starfish mode???
Next to y/n hogging the covers and moving me to the edge of the bed and spiraling out on 3/4 of the bed
“Okay” I say as I push y/n into the middle of the bed and put both of us in the spoon position
Me being the big spoon ofc (😝)
Damn near putting them in a soft headlock, as 30 minutes pass, I slowly sleep into slumber realizing that y/n hasn’t moved but is still snoring softly
TIME SKIP!
Y/n comes down the steps into the kitchen where ghost is there making breakfast
“Yooo, that was the best sleep I’ve ever had my goodness” y/n stated while yawning and searching their head
Simon turned his head looking at y/n get something out of the fridge
“I’m glad” he said while thinking this is something he could get used to.
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cinnbar-bun · 3 months
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Random Things I Think Crocodile Does
This isn’t really anything special it’s just my word vomit. As always, MENA!Croc 💖💖 my beloved. No defined gender for reader. This is just random ass hcs for funsies kinda crack ngl.
All below!
Snores loudly in bed. The cigars are catching up to him. Refuses to get help for it or acknowledge he may have a snoring problem.
Falls asleep really quickly. Like. Anywhere. If you two are sitting on the couch watching a movie, he’ll fall asleep ten minutes in (if you’re lucky enough to have his attention that long) and then wake up when the credits roll. He’ll sleep through a damn war, but suddenly the credits are up and he’ll say “wow, what a great movie.”
Pistachio man. Loves pistachio ice cream. Loves pistachio ashta pancakes. Loves pistachio anything.
I mean in general he looks like he’d love eating mixed nuts but I think he’d enjoy pistachios the most.
Drinks tea very very dark with no sugar.
OKAY SO IM NOT SURE IF YALL WILL UNDERSTAND I THINK THIS IS LIKE AN IMMIGRANT OR POC EXPERIENCE BUT THOSE THICK ASS BLANKETS?? WITH LIKE THE PRINTS ON THEM??? He has one, it’s blue and has tigers on it. (Why is it always tigers?)
Doesn’t like you touching the thermostat in true daddy fashion.
But like in the opposite way, I think his DF makes it so he is immune to the heat so he cranks that shit up and you’re sweating buckets.
Likewise could you imagine him being a baby the minute the temperature drops a bit?? 😭😭 he’s wrapped up in twenty layers because it’s 68 degrees and he’s convinced he’ll freeze to death.
Don’t bother playing Monopoly with him.
The old man who squints his eyes and puts his phone to his face to read anything.
Guy who sends long ass voice messages/voicemails to you, count how many times he almost hacks his lungs out.
Omg like my personal favorite thing… him slipping into an Arabic accent or using Arabic whenever he has a brain fart on an English word.
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tang3r1n · 6 months
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for @hystixia cause i just had a beautiful brain fart idea 💡
18+, dub/non con, breaking n entering, oral (m->f), jeff being gross, fingering, specifically chubbier reader!!
jeff but with a cute lil shy, chubby GEEKY bitch who wears blue light glasses cause she constantly glued to her phone and laptop. so much so she doesn’t even notice him following her in broad daylight, too engrossed in her latest internet obsession to notice him softly busting open her window and slipping in, definitely not paying attention to him and he slowly walks towards her innocently sinful form splayed out comfortably on her bed, headphone blaring an obscure anime intro so loud he can head the lyrics.
he brandished his signature knife n rips her away from the hypnotic blue hue of her screen, big ol’ doe eyes shining from the glare of her glasses as he grins maniacally and stares down at her, all comfy in her loose, worn t-shirt and skimpy skimpy shorts. he groans as she instantly starts begging, cock already throbbing in his tight jeans at how adorable her sweet pleading sounds.
jeff with a cute chubby geek who promises she won’t tell anyone if he just leave— even when he’s ripping her obviously sentimental short in two and using his (most likely bloody) knife to slice her shorts dangerously close to the puffy little prize between her thick thighs. he feel his body practically vibrating with pleasure at the sight of her fat jiggling while she pathetically squirmed as sobbed, horrified and knowingly docile in the face of his terrible, terrible evil.
jeff who folds his lil cute geek in half and dives into her chubby pussy, nose clumsily bumping against her little gem as his impossibly long tongue barged its way past her tight hole. the sensations were too much for his geeky loser, she thrashes more harshly now, whining and trying to push him off. his scars, marred and mangled as they were, tickled her thighs and his blunt nails dig in so hard they left thin trails of blood that slowly slipped past his pale hands and onto her bedsheets as he devoured her.
the disgustingly salacious noises of him eating her cunt made his geek’s tummy flutter as she felt queasy and horny all at once, body betraying her mind as she fought not to come apart in his heinous hold.
jeff who finger fucks his chubby loner so hard the slap of his palm against her sore clit made her arch, a stripe of pain shooting up her slide alongside the traitorous feeling of pure pleasure. he cooed down at her softly, uncharacteristically gentle as he brushed the stray hairs out of her face and fixed her glasses on right. it didn’t last long, the soft touch, as soon he grabbed her jaw and forced her to kiss his bloody, slick covered lips, pulling away just to hock and spit in her mouth.
jeff who loves loves loves it when she finally ums around his slender fingers, three shoved deep in her plush pussy walls as she convulsed around them, her mind finally giving into the forceful pleasure. eye rolled back, back arched beautifully, heavy breasts, thick thighs, and soft tummy shaking with the power of her rushed orgasm as he slowed his hand, massaging the soft walls of her now sticky cunt as she calmed down.
in her post-nut haze, she failed to notice him slipping his fingers out, already dozing off as she disgustingly sucked them clean, using the same fingers to repeat the process a few more times, obsessed with how his chubby geek’s cunt tasted on his villainous tongue.
he grinned as she snores softly, quickly snapping a photo of her disheveled self before pocketing a random pair of dirty (he can only hope) panties and slips back out into the night, locking her window back and leaving his mark on her window frame so no one else can perv on his cute, shy lil chubby geek <33
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octuscle · 2 months
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Dear Chronivac Support,
I am a nerd who doesn't get high grades, despite studying a lot my grades are not the best, and my roommate is a smart jock. He's muscular, handsome, well-groomed, and intelligent. I find this an affront to the balance of stereotypes. How can I adjust the Chronivac so that he slowly loses intelligence until he becomes a traditional dumb jock with grades much worse than mine?
We are in the Holy Week… And envy is a mortal sin. You're not seriously asking me to punish your roommate just because he's smarter, more handsome and more charismatic than you are? But we can do something about the fact that you look like a nerd but are more of an intellectual jock! We can equalize that!
When you wake up the next morning, it's somehow no longer your room. There are posters of ice hockey and football players on the walls. There are lots of dirty clothes, pizza boxes and beer cans on the floor. It smells a bit. But it could also be you. A deep breath from your armpit. Yep, you're not entirely innocent of the smell. You didn't shut down your computer last night. The porn site is still open. And you haven't wiped away the wank stains on the keyboard either. You're a bit disgusted with your own place right now. But only for a few moments. Hey, you're young, you're having fun, if the dirt bothers you, clean it up. And your cool flatmate doesn't mind. Even if he's a lot tidier himself.
No clean clothes in your wardrobe again. You could now ask your bruh if he has anything for you. But unfortunately, his clothes wouldn't fit you anyway. You are separated by a few kilograms of pure muscle mass. But if the lectures are boring again, you'll go to the gym and try to catch up with your muscles. And the next lectures will be boring. So you can actually go straight to university in the clothes you want to work out in afterwards.
As you stand in front of the mirror in your smelly, dirty tank top and old, washed-out sweatshorts, you think for a moment about how silly you look. The clothes are two sizes too big for you. And with your nerdy pot haircut, everything looks even worse. You grab one of your flatmate's caps. Much better! And off you go.
Shit, you chose business studies so you wouldn't have to do so much math. It's a hell of a lot of math. The exams are back today. C-. Shit, damn it! You've got so much… Well, to be honest, you haven't studied at all. Even though he's sitting three rows in front of you, you can see your roommate grinning. You can already imagine what kind of grade he got.
You took your bad mood out on the weights. Hehehe, three hours in lectures, four hours in the gym. Good ratio. If only your parents knew. They would certainly cut your monthly allowance. But who's going to tell them?
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When you get home, your flatmate is snoring on the sofa. His exam is on the table. A-. Well, everyone has a bad day. His snoring is contagious. You just manage to make yourself a protein shake and down it. Then a proper protein fart. Yeah, that was a good one! And then you collapse onto the sofa.
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You dream that you are a nerd. But not one of those who have a doctorate in physics after two semesters. One who is clumsy in sports and dumb in math. Someone with just two single hairs on their chest. One with a fluffy, fuzzy beard. And one with no muscles at all. Crazy dream! Although, the part about being dumb at math… That's true!
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