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sunsetreid · 7 months

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birthday twin [ s. reid ]

pairing : Spencer Reid x fem!reader

summary / prompt : Spencer and (Y/N) share the same birthday, but (Y/N) has never been fond of her birthday. this year might be a little different though

requested : no

genre : fluff

warnings : not canon compliant, 12 year age gap

AUTHOR’S NOTE - i wrote this in the middle of the night last night bc i wanted to do something for spencer’s birthday yesterday (october 12th). sorry for any typos :)

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

If (Y/N) could sleep through her birthday, she would in a heartbeat. Especially this year because she is turning 30. She’s never looked forward to her birthday.

Especially her 30th birthday.

She’s getting older and time is running out. She hasn’t started a family like she has wanted to since settling down with her boyfriend of three years.

(Y/N) gets why Spencer is so hesitant to propose and start a family. Working for the FBI isn’t exactly the safest job and he is very aware of the fact that his family could be in danger because of his job. He’s made (Y/N) aware of these risks, and she agreed that one day they’ll start a family. She’ll wait until Spencer is ready.

That conversation was nearly two years ago. Nothing has happened since.

When Spencer’s alarm wakes her up and there’s some movement beside her, she keeps her eyes closed. If she opens them then the day will be real. She isn’t sure if she’s ready.

Spencer wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her limp body against his. He begins to press soft kisses to her cheek and jaw. A smile breaks out on (Y/N)’s lips as he begins to hum “Happy Birthday” in her ear.

She can’t help but feel a little happy to be celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend, who just happens to also be her birthday twin.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Spencer mumbles against the swell of her ear. “I know that you aren’t fond of birthdays but I promise this will be the best birthday you have ever had.”

(Y/N) finally opens her eyes and rolls onto her back to look at Spencer. “You say that every year, Spence,” she points out.

“You cannot tell me that the past few birthdays you’ve had haven’t been some of the best birthdays,” he says.

They have been. There is no doubt about that. Being able to celebrate a birthday with the love of your life always makes for a good birthday. (Y/N)’s birthdays have definitely been so much better since Spencer stumbled his way into her life.

“You’re right,” she replies as she wraps her arms around his neck. “Happy birthday to you too, by the way. Sorry you have to go to work today.”

Spencer leans down and pecks her lips. “I told Hotch I needed to leave early so we can get to the restaurant on time for our reservations,” he tells her before he kisses her one more time. “He said it was no problem so I’ll be picking you up from here at six.”

(Y/N) smiles and pushes Spencer’s hair out of his face. “Remind me to thank him for letting you go early,” she teases. “At least I get to have dinner with my boyfriend on our birthday this year.”

Last year, Spencer was in Colorado for a case and it was a week later when he finally got back and they got to have their birthday dinner.

“Hotch said that if we get called out for a case that he would be okay if I left tomorrow to meet them,” he tells her. “I wanted to be here for our birthday. I wanted to be here for you.”

An involuntary smile forms on her lips. “You’d really stay here until tomorrow if your team got called away for a case?” she questions like she doesn’t believe him.

He nods and presses a longer kiss to her lips. “Hotch’s exact words to me were ‘I was young and in love once’ so I guess he understands,” Spencer replies. “What do you want for breakfast? Pancakes? Waffles?” Her ears practically perk up at the mention of waffles. “Waffles it is then. Go take a shower and breakfast will be ready for you in the kitchen.”

After one more kiss, Spencer rolls out of bed. (Y/N) sits up and watches his cute butt gets dressed after their night together. She can’t help but gnaw on her bottom lip as she watches him get dressed into his outfit for the day.

It’s days like these where she thinks Spencer is glad he wears suits to work. He doesn’t need to come back and change after work, depending on what he does at work.

Spencer turns and catches (Y/N) watching him. “You just watched me get dressed, didn’t you?” he asks.

“Guilty,” she laughs. (Y/N) grabs Spencer’s Caltech shirt from the floor and pulls it over her head before she gets up. “You have a very cute butt and I couldn’t resist.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Spencer replies after (Y/N) presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “Go shower. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

She nods and walks toward the bathroom that is connected to their shared bedroom. She pulls off the t-shirt before she turns on the shower and gets the water to a lukewarm temperature.

Her body is still sore from last night’s activities. The warm water helps her muscles relax. She lets out a soft sigh when the water touches her tense muscles.

She lets the water run over her body before she begins her routine.

The shower goes by quicker than she would like, but she does a full shower. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shave, and exfoliation. Not in that order but she makes it a point to shave and exfoliate her skin.

She wants to look and feel good when she goes out tonight.

After her shower, she dries her body and towel dries her hair since she’ll mess with it later when she gets ready for dinner. In the bedroom, she pulls on one of Spencer’s button-up’s that have grown too small on him and a pair of boxers he’s given her before she peddles her way to the kitchen.

The sound of beeping greets her when she walks into the kitchen. Spencer is pulling a freshly cooked waffle out of the iron. It smells so sweet in the room.

(Y/N) comes up behind Spencer and wraps her arms around her boyfriend’s waist. “Good shower?” he asks as he pours another round of batter into the iron.

“Would’ve been better if you were in there with me,” she admits. “You know how much I like it when you wash my hair. Feels so good.”

Spencer laughs as he prepares (Y/N)’s plate. He pours syrup over the waffles before he sprays some whipped cream on the top waffle. He turns around and offers her the plate. “I just have one more waffle to finish up then I’ll join you at the table,” he tells her.

She nods and accepts the plate. After thanking him, she makes her way out to the dining room table. She gets settled in her normal seat.

A beep goes off and not two minutes later, Spencer is sitting across the table from her. They both begin to eat breakfast.

The waffles are light and fluffy. The syrup adds to the sweetness already in the waffles and the whipped cream adds a creamy texture to them. (Y/N) can’t help the groan that passes her lips as she chews the first bite.

“If your career at the FBI doesn’t work out, you should become a chef, Spence,” she compliments. “These are amazing.”

A smiling Spencer says, “I just know how you like your waffles. That’s it.”

She returns the smile as she takes another bite.

This morning has been amazing. Waking up to kisses and Spencer humming in her ear. A nice shower and delicious pancakes.

But something has been lurking in the back of her mind. Something she’s been wanting to know for over a year.

“Um, Spencer?” she asks to get his attention. “I’ve been thinking about something recently and I wanted to know if your feelings have changed on it.”

He raises his eyebrows and looks at her. “What have you been thinking about?”

“A family,” she hesitantly tells him. “With you. I know you said you weren’t ready to start one almost two years ago and I wanted to see where you stood on this since it’s been a while she’s either of us has brought it up.”

Spencer finishes chewing before he replies. “My job hasn’t changed, (Y/N),” he tells her. “It’s still incredibly dangerous and I don’t want to put you or any kids we have at risk.”

Her heart sinks at Spencer’s words.

“I turned 30 today,” she tells him after his words have sunk in. “I don’t have a lot of time left to have a baby.”

Spencer takes another bite of his waffles while (Y/N)’s sit forgotten. “Women can have babies well into their forties and even fifties,” he comments. “You have time to have a baby.”

“I don’t want to be 40 when I have my first baby!” she blurts out. “I know your job is dangerous but I want a family, Spencer. I don’t want to be in my sixties when our child graduates high school and college. I want to be alive to see my grandchildren. You’re twelve years older than me so you’d be in your seventies when our children graduate if I wait until I turn 40 to start a family. Do you really want that?”

At that moment, Spencer’s phone begins to ring. It’s buzzing cuts through the tense silence that has formed between them. She stares at Spencer as he answers the call. “Yeah, I’ll be in soon,” is all he says before he hangs up the phone. “Um, Hotch wants me in early. There’s a case but it’s local so I’ll be able to pick you up at six, okay?”

Tears form in her eyes as Spencer gets up and runs away from the conversation. He kisses her forehead before he mumbles an “I love you” and walks out the door.

(Y/N) watches as Spencer leaves their apartment.

That’s not the answer she hoped he would have. She was hoping that he’d say that he’d love to start their family. She was hoping that he’d say that he’s ready.

Clearly he’s not, and she has some things to think through.

So much for this birthday being the best birthday she has ever had.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Despite being upset, (Y/N) does begin to get ready at five for Spencer to pick her up for dinner. She has been answering calls and texts all day, including some from Spencer’s team. Penelope actually called her while she was waiting on something to come in about the case to wish her a happy birthday.

She wasn’t feeling very happy when she answered the phone.

The restaurant they’re going to is fancy so (Y/N) grabs a short, slim fitting red dress. The collar is drapped and the sleeves are really chains that crisscross on her exposed back. She pairs the dress with a matching pair of heels. She curls her hair and lets it fall down her back. She does a red and black smokey eye look with dark red lipstick.

Well, at least she looks good. She doesn’t feel good at the moment.

She doesn’t even want to go to dinner at this point. She’d rather stay home and read a book with a glass of wine in her hand than possibly have a second tense conversation like the one she and Spencer had this morning.

At six on the dot, (Y/N) grabs her clutch, keys, and phone before going downstairs to meet Spencer so they can get to the restaurant for their 6:30 reservation.

Five minutes later, Spencer is pulling up in his car. “Hi, beautiful,” he says as he gets out of the car. “Sorry I’m a few minutes late.”

With a quiet shrug, (Y/N) gets into the passenger seat of the car with her boyfriend’s help. She looks out the window at the setting sun while Spencer gets in and begins to head toward their destination for the night.

“JJ and Emily pitched in and got me a small cake,” he tells a silent (Y/N). “Derek badly sang ‘Happy Birthday’ while I blew out the candle. Rossi took some pictures so you’ll have to ask him for those. Then Hotch told us about the case. I’ll spare you those details because it’s really gruesome and not what you want to hear at the moment.”

Spencer seems really happy with how his day has gone while (Y/N) cried as soon as he walked out the door this morning.

She truly understands why Spencer isn’t ready to have kids and start a family. He told her all about what happened to Hotch’s ex-wife and son. He told her all about the threats that his mother has gotten over the years and the threats his team’s families have gotten.

It’s a terrifying thought to bring a child into danger, but they aren’t in danger. In the three years they have been together, (Y/N) hasn’t been harmed or had her life threatened. That should be some reassurance to Spencer, right?

Right?

“Have you really not changed your feelings on having kids with me?” she asks all of a sudden when Spencer comes to a stop at a red light. “You don’t have a biological clock when it comes to having kids. You can get someone pregnant when you’re 80 if you wanted to. I can’t. That’s why I’m bringing this up again. I have a good 10 or 15 years left in me, but I don’t want to wait that long.”

Spencer looks over at her. “I understand, (Y/N),” he says. “I see it from your perspective. See it from mine.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I have!” she exclaims. “I saw it when you explained to me a few years ago why you weren’t ready. You’re 42 now, Spencer. I’m 30. We’re not getting any younger. I understand you have a risky job, but that shouldn’t hold you back from starting a family. If it’s me, then just tell me.”

He pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant and parks the car. He turns to (Y/N) and says, “It’s not you, baby. I promise it’s not you. I’m just scared to bring kids into my life with a risk of losing them, or them losing their mother because of my job. It’s not you. It’s literally me as much as I hate to say that because it’s so cliché. We will start a family one day. I’ve promised you that. You will have kids by the time you’re 40.”

(Y/N) nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he tells her. “I understand your frustration. I hear you. Don’t worry. We will have a family one day.”

She nods again in reply before they get out and walk into the restaurant. Spencer laces their fingers together as they walk through the door. She smiles to herself and looks down at her feet as she walks.

“Hi, reservation for two under the name Reid,” Spencer says when they walk up to the hostess stand.

She nods and grabs two menus for them. “Come with me, Mr. Reid,” she replies. When she walks into the dining room, Spencer and (Y/N) follow her. She sits them down at a table for two. “Your server will be right with you.”

They both thank her and begin to look over the menus in front of them.

The pasta dishes sound the most appetizing to her at the moment. She might get some kind of pasta dish. Maybe pair it with a glass a wine if she decides to get a drink with her dinner.

Their waitress comes and gets their drink and meal orders. Spencer gets a steak dish while (Y/N) ends up getting the pasta dish she wanted. Neither of them get alcohol to drink.

She plays with her thumbs and Spencer asks, “What did you do today? Did your parents call you?”

“Yeah,” she mumbles. “I wasn’t really in the best mood to talk to them though since you decided to leave and not talk to me.”

Spencer frowns. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I know I didn’t leave you with much of an answer because I had to go to work.” He reaches across the table and rests his hands on hers. “I promise tonight will be better. Okay?”

“You also promised that today would be a good day,” she replies. “It hasn’t, Spencer.”

Their drinks come and (Y/N) pulls her hands apart.

Silence fills the air between them. The soft chatter of people around them keeps it from being dead quiet between them.

(Y/N) goes back to playing with her thumbs and sips her glass of water.

“I was going to wait to do this until we left and I brought you to the spot we met but I can’t keep telling you that I don’t want something when I do,” Spencer suddenly says. She raises her eyebrows. “I do want to start a family with you, (Y/N) baby. I love you and I’d do anything to start a family with you because you’d be such an amazing mother. I want you in my life for the rest of it. I want to navigate the risks and dangers with you. With this, I promise to take care of you and keep you safe. I promise to make every birthday the best one because I know how much you hate today.”

(Y/N)’s eyes widen when Spencer slides out of his chair and down to one knee beside her. He pulls a box out of the pocket of his suit. “Spencer,” she gasps. “I-”

The box is pulled open and inside is a diamond ring. The tears that form in her eyes make the sparkling ring a little blurry. “(Y/N) (L/N), my love,” Spencer finishes. “Will you marry me and start a family with me?”

She doesn’t know what to say. She’s still so upset, but now she knows why he kept telling her today that he wasn’t ready.

He was going to surprise her with a proposal.

“You’re not just asking me because I’m upset about our conversations, are you?” she asks. “Because I am going to actually kill you if you are.”

Spencer laughs and shakes his head. “This was the plan all along,” he tells her. “I’m asking you because I love you and want to marry you.”

The smile that she was trying to suppress finally breaks out on her lips before she nods. “Then yes,” she says. “I will marry you, Spencer Reid.”

Everyone around them begins to cheer as Spencer pulls the ring out of the box and slides it onto her left ring finger. She pulls him into a soft kiss while he’s still down on his knees next to her.

Their dinner comes and a free dessert right after. (Y/N)’s mood is completely different when they walk out of the restaurant to go back to their apartment.

She’s engaged now. The family she has always wanted is finally coming together.

Maybe birthdays aren't the worst thing in the world anymore.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid smut #fluff fic #angst fic #smut fic #fluff #angst #smut #birthday fic

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crowchemicals · 1 year

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Things i think Lucifer would do while you're dating

♥︎fluffy fluff all over, sfw

✧ i don't think there's any warnings i should put here other than me projecting onto my favourite babygirl. and very soft Luci 🙏 (my personal religion)

☆ these are purely some scenarios i like to think about often in my lil fantasy world in my head, (and yes this is still and art account i don't write much<33)

• He keeps a list of things you like so he can get them for you. He's very observant, especially when it comes to his beloved, so if he sees something catch your eye while on an outing or you've liked/shared an item on your story/ saved something pretty to pinterest (which he follows but won't admit it. it's not like he really uses the app for anything other than gift ideas for you anyway) he will keep it in mind and write it down in his notes app when you're not looking/there.

• He brings you flowers every week. He learns flower language so he can give you the most meaningful bouquets he can. When they start wilting he immediately replaces them with fresh ones, but he doesn't throw the bouquets away, he proudly displays them in vases around his study.

• You mentioned your favorite snack/sweets (that you can't find in the devildom) once in a conversation with Asmo that he overheard and since then he periodically goes up to the human world to stock up on them so you can have a treat whenever you like :)

• He asks you to do his nails one time as an excuse to get away from paperwork for a little bit and spend some time with you, and you both started gossiping and just talking about RAD, his brothers, etc, and this has since become a routine between you two, one day a week either in his room or yours you get together to sit on the floor while you do his nails and gossip

• he has awful night terrors and has no idea how to cope with them, of course he can't go telling anyone about them that would be embarrassing but he also doesn't want to worry anybody. he's the big brother he's not supposed to show any weaknesses so that his brothers have someone to rely on (shhh I'm projecting) so he distracts himself with work and music, he's lost too much sleep over these kind of nights. One night after you two had been dating for a while though he woke up in a cold sweat and while his first instinct was to go to your room there was something stopping him. So he turned to distracting himself again this time by putting on your favourite show/movie. And he continues doing this every time he has a nightmare until he feels comfortable sharing such vulnerability with you. He finds it oddly comforting even if it's a genre he wouldn't typically enjoy, remembering you talking so fondly about it gives it a different kind of vibe, sometimes depending on how exhausted he is or how bad the night terror was he'll fall asleep with it in the background.

• Takes interest in your hobbies and makes sure you never run out of supplies and new things to try out. And if he sees you eyeing anything relating to your craft or a game or ANYTHING REALLY you'll have it the next day

• Will ask you to come do your work/chill in his study while he's working as a way to spend time together, in the beginning he says it's bc you'll be able to focus better since no one will disturb you there and there's less noise but later he realises that your presence helps him be more productive so when he feels his motivation and focus slip he'll come into your room to do the rest of his paperwork next to you or if you're sleeping in his bedroom that night he'll come work at his desk there, as long as he can be near you he has a reason to finish his work faster.

• Lucifer being an exhausted older sister™️, never really gets to let his guard down so when he trusts you enough he'll finally let his mask slip and give up control for a moment (something all of us wish we could do tbh). someone go bigspoon this man he needs it.

• ^ so he likes to walk up to your/his bed after a long day and just plop on top of you in his pjs and demon form, he knows he's heavy, he knows you were reading but tbh he doesn't care he needs to be held right this instant. bonus points for you if play with his wings, scratch his head esp near the horns or rub his back. you're never getting rid of him now.

• he's so interested by everything you tell him, you wanna explain the plot of a new book in excruciating detail? tell him all the hot gossip you've been hearing from your friends at RAD/Asmo? Make him watch a 10 season long show while explaining every minor thing? go ahead, he will literally give you his full attention if he's not swarmed with paperwork. he'll remember 99.9% of what you tell him too.

#hes my baby i love him #obey me #obey me swd #obey me lucifer #lucifer obey me #lucifer x reader #lucifer x gender neutral reader #omswd #obey me lucifer fluff #soft luci #obey me shall we date #obey me hcs #obey me headcanons #obey me fluff #⭐.omswd #🖍️.crowwrites

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moodywyrm · 1 year

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i think a lot about being the first to please abby. like we start dating but decide to not have sex for a little bit, bc we both really like each other and i’ve heard it’s good to let the relationship settle a bit before sex so it doesn’t blind you. maybe a month or two in (god idk if i could wait that long), we finally get busy in bed.

abby being the top she is (i think she’s a switch fr but i know that woman just lovesssss to please), insists on making me finish first with her fingers alternating between massaging my clit and pumping in and out of me. after i finish, we’re making out and i trail my hands down to her pussy and ask if i can touch her. she kinda smiles.

“you don’t have to touch me, baby, don’t worry about me. i’m used to just taking care of people.” i would fr just furrow my brow and slide my hand across her hip.

“i really wanna make you feel good, abs. y’so pretty.”

and so she nods. after plenty of touching and teasing and pulling whines out of her, i’d end up suckling at her clit, two fingers massaging her g-spot, making her cum all over my face (i hc abby as an occasional squirter, and she would in this moment). she’d drag me up to her face and kiss me, hard. hands grabbing, tongue laving. and then she’d start to cry. big, heaving sobs.

“abby, honey? what’s wrong, angel?”

she’d bury her face in my neck and cry while i stroked her hair and naked back, nails scratching gently to soothe her. a few minutes would pass, i’d just hold her in my arms and press kisses to her hairline, waiting until she was ready to talk to me.

her pretty blue eyes would meet mine. “i…i’ve been with a man and plenty of women before…”

i’d nod, stroking the tears from her cheeks.

“not one single person has ever gone down on me. no one has ever even tried to make me feel good. all the women, especially, just wanted me to top them. which i don’t mind, i usually prefer it, but…they just wanted to use me.”

i’d bump her nose with mine and kiss her forehead.

“but you…it’s different with you. i feel so fucking safe with you. i don’t want to scare you by saying the L word too soon, but…”

“i love you.” i would immediately say to her.

tears would prick at her eyes again, her grip around my waist tightening.

“fuck, i love you so much.”

tldr: abby anderson deserves her pussy pleased and her body kissed and her titties sucked and i am the mf one

baby I love you so much oh my GOD. I am also the mf one. two mouths two titties. we can share.

I have so many thoughts about this. because we all watched the boat scene. some of us more than once (me, sorry, her titties look so good and suckable). Owen didn't even fucking try to please her. So I'm gonna extrapolate because I Don't Like Him. He never really focused on pleasing her when they were together. Got himself off and that was it. So Abby, already, was under the assumption that her pleasure was never gonna be the focal point of any sexual interaction. And when she starts having sex with women, it doesn't get much better. All the girls she hooks up with are bottoms who want to be taken care of, which like, no shame! But she kind of got pushed into the position of a stone top, which, again fair to anyone who wants to be stone top but she didn't really want to. So by the time she gets with you, she's kind of scared that it will be the same but she also loves you so fucking much, she wants to please you.

So the night you two sleep together for the first time, two months in, she's ready and eager to please. Fingers you open, eats you out so fucking good it makes you black out for second, and she sees how tired you are so she assumes it's over. And a part of her is a little bit heartbroken because she hoped it would be different. She's about to pull away to deliver aftercare when you grab her hands and pull her back to you, flipping positions so she's laying back on the bed.

She's laughing like "What? What's up baby?" and you're like??? what??? your turn baby??? and she just Pauses.

Sits you both up, looks you in the eyes and she looks so sincere when she speaks. "Baby, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, I'm okay just pleasing you" and you're like :(

"Abigail, I want to please you. If you let me, of course, but just know I really want to. God, I really fucking want to." And you're pressing a kiss to her lips, looking for her approval. When she nods, you're fucking ecstatic, easing her back onto the bed and kissing down her body, stripping her sports bra off and sucking at her nipples, humming at the soft moans she's letting out. You're trailing lower and lower, kissing down her tummy and her happy trail, until your face is level with her covered pussy.

"Can I take these off?" You ask, leaving soft kisses on her soft inner thighs, fingers thumbing at the band of her boxers. She nods, giving you a lil "mhm", her breath hitching when you pull them down, exposing her pretty cunt to the room.

And she's fucking gorgeous. Glistening in the low light, coated in slick and so needy, her swollen, blushing clit peaking out from her folds when you spread her open with your thumbs, her hole clenching and gushing out more wet. Abby's face is flushed red, not used to having someone down there. The feeling of your hands on her is so different from her own touch, but so good. You can see her twitching, throbbing and clenching without having been touched yet, and you can't believe she thought you would just leave her like this.

You lean in, licking from her achey hole to her clit, sucking it into your mouth and practically making out with her cunt. You're moaning into her, because god she tastes so fucking good, you don't think you'll ever get enough. And the sounds she's making? Heavenly. She's whimpering, panting and whining out your name, hands clawing at the sheets beneath her.

"F-fuck baby, thank you, mmm so fucking good baby" And she's whining, writhing under you, hands clawing at the sheets beneath her. What she doesn't know is it gets so much better. Because yeah, she's experimented with fingering herself before, but she could never get it quite right. She never really knew if she'd like it, until you push two fingers into her, slow and steady, curling and readjusting until you hear Abby yelp, her hips bucking into you. You rub against that gushy, sensitive patch inside of her, smiling against her clit when she starts whining so much more, her voice breathy and needy and so fucking pretty.

"Shit, shit, baby, sweetheart, so fucking good, please, please, 'm gonna cum, fuck" And you go even harder, sloppily making out with her clit, the noises from between her legs making her so warm and red and lightheaded, the pressure building and building until she snaps. She yells, thighs twitching and clenching against your head, squirting against you. Her pussy throbs and leaks around your fingers, your tongue lapping up every drop you can get.

You ease her down from her orgasm, leaving one final, sweet kiss on her clit before moving back up to her and kissing her bottom lip, yelping when her hands pull you into her. She sits you both up, kissing you hard, and you get so caught up in the kiss that it takes a second to register that there are tears on her face.

"Shit, Abigail, baby, what's wrong?" You pull away, cupping her face in your hands and wiping away the tears as they come. She's sniffling, giving you a sad little smile and kissing the heel of your hand.

She grabs one of your hands, kissing the knuckles and holding it in both of hers, "It's just... you're the first person who's ever, I don't know, cared? About my pleasure, I mean. Everyone else just kinda got off and then left. You took care of me"

You frown, kissing the hands wrapped around yours and then pressing a kiss to the bridge of her nose. "I'm so sorry baby, that's not fair to you, not if that wasn't the agreement. I want to make you feel good, for as long as you let me. I will always, always, want to take care of you."

"Thank you baby, I just... you make me feel so safe. And happy. And I don't know if it's too soon to say it because I don't want to scare you away, but ..."

"Abigail, I love you." And you pull her back into you, kissing her so gently that the tears start again. You trail your hands up her back, toying with the hair at the base of her neck, making her shiver at the sweetness of your touch. Her own hands are on your back, massaging your hips, trailing all over your body.

"I" smooch "love" sniffle "you" smooch "sweetheart," and she's planting little kisses all over your face, making you giggle as you say it back, the two of you going back and forth with little "I love you"s, feeling so warm and fuzzy and content and loved.

I need her so bad you don't understand she is my wife my baby my shnookiepoo

#apocalypticbadass #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x reader smut

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a-libra-writes · 11 months

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as I wallow in my fever filled misery I binge your blog for most of the day and i absolutely love it, i hope it's okay if i ask for whoever you want from ASOIAF with their sick s/o love you

Im sorry this is hittin so late anon! I hope you recovered well~ Here's a couple peeps for ya.

Brandon - He's terrible at noticing when he's getting sick himself, and actually sitting and resting ... so while Brandon will notice when your energy is low or you don't feel well, he doesn't worry until you finally collapse. Then he feels terrible while he carries you back and you're set up in a spare room (he wouldn't mind sharing the bed, but he's already been lectured to death by the maester about what a bad idea that is. He doesn't care he probably sneaks into the spare room anyway.

Because Brandon is restless on a good day, so when you're feeling ill and awful, he's distracted. He keeps thinking about you throughout the day, and checks on you often. If you're not improving, he's doggedly following the maester around and hovering and trying to be useful and just ends up getting kicked out. Everyone's relieved when you finally improve, and yes, he gets sick because he couldn't stay away but it barely knocks the guy out. Not fair.

Ned - Ned would be the one who notices your energy dropping and the loss of appetite in combination with the change in weather. It's especially uncanny if you're someone who doesn't get sick often, and he still figures it out. He's also the type who offers you warm food and rest early on, in hopes you'd shake off the cold early. It's all fun and games to tease Ned about being a mother hen until your sickness gets worse and you're stuck in bed. Great. He won't say "I told you so", buuut he still laughs a little when you complain about being stuck in bed all day.

Ned feels bad about you having to be holed up in a spare room, though, but at least you're in one of the heated ones. He visits at least three times throughout the day, bringing whatever you need and keeping you company if you'd like it. If you're the sort who wants to be totally alone when you're sick, he respects it, but he's gotta stop by to at least say goodnight. Also, it's just Ned's luck that he gets sick just days after you do, every. single. time. It's usually worse, too.

Benjen - He does what he can with what's available at the Wall. While he keeps his usual jovial self up around you, wanting to encourage you, he privately worries about your health. Benjen sneaks in extra furs and extra food - If anyone catches him, all he has to do is drop the smile and glare them down. It's surprisingly effective. He'd like to stay by your side all day and night, but he can't risk getting ill himself and there's work to do.

So Benjen comes in in the morning and late evening, starting by giving you a kiss on the brow, then making sure you're comfortable, then showing off whatever he snuck out of the kitchens. He's got a nautral and relaxed bedside manner, but can be surprisingly stern if you try to get up before you're ready. Maybe if this was the South, but the Wall isn't the place to risk it. Oh and he gets sniffles and sick later bc he kept up with the kissing.

Stannis - What a surprise, Stannis matter of factly states you're in no condition to go about your usual business, and you ought to set up in the spare room. Maester is called, food brought, medicine taken, done and done, right? Back to work. The thing is, if you often ask for him and you're clearly not feeling well, he has a difficult time getting back to his duties. He tells you many times to call a servant, but the guilt actually starts to bother him, especially if you get worse before you get better. Stannis sits on the very edge of the bed (his bedside manner is hilariously bad, don't worry,) and keeps asking you to go back to sleep and stop chattering.

His own health actually isn't that bad, especially considering the seige, but guess what. That one time you got out of bed to get something yourself, he caught you and irritably carried you back? That's what gets him. Stannis still doesn't get as sick as you do, but he's definitely bellyaching about it while you take care of him.

Oberyn - He's the sort of man whose either a godsend when you're sick, or driving you up a wall. It depends! If you want constant attention and fussing, Oberyn will indulge in your neediness all you want. He rather likes it, feeling like he's helping even if you don't immediately improve. If you want to be left alone to puke and snot in peace, well ... he has a hard time staying away. Oberyn wants to be the one bringing your medicine and food, whatever you need, and he wants to stay and linger. Even if it's just to chat, or run his hand down your back.

And yes, he’ll still want to share the bed unless you’re in an absolutely awful state. You'll have to kick Oberyn out eventually, or just move to one of the guest rooms yourself, otherwise he’ll get sick - except he never does, the jerk. Must be all the citrus.

Ashara - She's also the sort of person who would pick up on the weather changing and the change in your attitude, and point out you're probably getting sick. She says it so suddenly, and it's so early, you wouldn't believe her ... aaand two or three days later, you're laid out in bed. Just great. Once the maester is done with his business, Ashara likes to visit if it's just a cold. She's smart about being careful where she touches you, not getting too close, avoiding your cough, she even brings a citrus fruit basket and implores you to eat some. Her bedside manner is lovely too, and she brought your favorite book? Alright, this isn't so bad.

She will stay away if you start getting worse, and it just makes her worry more. In that case she's making sure the maester is bringing in gifts, even if you feel too poorly to enjoy a book or a bouquet of flowers - it's about knowing that someone cares and is worried about you.

Asha - It's straight to the spare room with you. Nope, no whining, no ifs or buts, no kisses no matter how much you whine about it. Asha loves you but she is not about to have you snotting and coughing all over the bed. At least she's not about to let you be totally miserable, Asha's pretty good about barking at you to eat more and drink water. There's not a lot in the way of medicine on the Iron Islands, but Asha's recovered from some pretty nasty spells before. She figures you'll do the same.

... There's some worrying when it takes a while. If you try to be stubborn and suffer through what's probably pneumonia, then Asha will drag a maester over from the greenlands by his ankles. Hiding weakness like a proper Ironborn is all well and good until you're coughing blood, then she calls you a fool and fusses endlessly.

Roose - He'll tell you that you're getting sick, and mention you ought to do something about it. His suggestions are pretty terrible, though - no, Roose, you aren't drinking that weird wine or doing leeching or bleeding or whatever. You're fine. Except when the flu finally hits, and you're fighting off his damn maester with a stick. Weird treatments aside, Roose seems like his aloof self, though you're also too addled by fever and congestion to pay attention to his comings and goings. He's actually keeping a close eye on your progress and more or less threatening the maester and servants that he expects you to improve within a fortnight, as if they can directly control it. Well, they better figure something out.

Getting worse means Roose actually ending your sickroom, as if there's something others have missed that only he can see. He spends a lot of time ... watching, and while his face is impassive, there's worry. A lot of worry. He might start disposing of the help and this maester if you don't get better. A lot of the irrational, explosive bloodlust anger that he's spend years burying down is starting to bubble up and there's not a lot of outlets for it. Once your condition turns around, it calms itself, if only for a while. He still won't forget his servant's incompetence.

Jaime - For seasonal colds and a yearly flu, Jaime is gonna avoid you like the plague because a) he hates getting sick and b), all the snotting and vomitting is gross. ... And Jaime's actually not good at dealing with a loved one whose ill, both in the sense it's difficult to see them that way, and he has no idea what to do. You think his father gave a damn when he was ill, or let that be an excuse to stop training? You think his siblings had any idea what a good bedside manner was?

It's easy for him to tease once you're recovering and able to leave the sickroom, though his barbs aren't as pointed. It isn't easy when you aren't recovering quickly, or when you get worse. He doesn't know what to do with himself, so Jaime acts out in a way, threatening the maester, being in an irritable mood, having no way to help because this isn't his area of expertise.

#i feel like i did something similar but i have no ideaaaaa #anyhoo!#game of thrones x reader #got x reader #brandon stark x reader #ned stark x reader #benjen stark x reader #stannis baratheon x reader #oberyn martell x reader #asha greyjoy x reader #roose bolton x reader #jaime lannister x reader #ashara dayne x reader

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plainemmanem · 1 year

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OKAY I THINK TUMBLR MIGHTVE EATEN UO MY ASK SO IM SENDING IT JUST CASE BUT THIS IS LITERALLY STEVE CODED. the way he just kept going and the i got more to teach at the end… LIKE BE SERIOUSSSSSSSSDSS

- s

no reallllllll

just the casual flirting oh my fucking GOD bffr.

like ok picture this with me alright please?

you meet steve in like. peak king days. like s1 ok. and you guys do not like each other right like. not enemies or anything like that but you guys are just like. indifferent to one another ok. and you guys get paired up for something. a school project or something stupid. and the whole time, there’s just this. tension. like palpable tension. and it’s like this like. flirting and teasing and sneaking little glances and little lingering touches like every interaction is just. heated. and eventually you to FINALLY fuck. in his house, on like a random thursday night after a party. and it’s sooo good. like not GREAT, but it’s good . like good good. like. ‘i wanna do this again’ good. and then you guys sort of become fuck buddies for a minute. and it’s good . like it’s just fun . it’s casual and he gives you attention and he always calls you pretty after and hot during<3 and it’s just so flirty and tense and it’s like hnnnngh it’s just fun:)

but then he starts dating nancy yk. so he pulls away a bit. you’re still friends, he comes to you from time to time for advice. and it hurts. bc you were just starting to kind of develop feelings for him (not that you’d ever tell him) but it hurts that he would just . pass you up so easy for someone else:/ someone who’s like. perfect. and you kind of get subconsciously pissed at him. pull away a bit.

and then he and nancy break up. and the first house he goes to is yours. he’s fucking devastated. like actually about to cry sitting at the foot of your bed, head in his hands. and you feel bad for him but it’s also like. he’s using you, it feels like he’s dragging you along yk. but you really care about him at this point so you’re always there. you’re always there for him. for those next few weeks when he’s losing his friends after he lost nancy, and he just feels so helplessly alone. you’re there. you guys take turns sleeping over at each other’s places and you guys share the bed and you always wake up with him holding you:( and a couple times, a couple vulnerable nights, he kisses you, he grabs you and kisses you so soft and desperate and needy. but you always stop him. bc you know he’s just looking for someone to fill that void in him. that void that nancy left. he doesn’t actually want you. he just wants to sleep with you so he doesnt have to feel so shitty. so you stop him.

and eventually you realize. he's really not gonna get over nancy. not anytime soon. not without another bump on the head. so you find someone else. a nice guy. he's not steve. but yk, hes nice:) and he treats you well and he cares about you and it feels nice. nice to have someone care just as much for you as you do for him, no strings or ex's attached. and steves happy for you, of course he is. he has to be. he obviously cant tell you hes falling in love with you. not now, not after all this time. not after all the bullshit with nancy and you always being there for him. youre happy. and hes happy youre happy.

so he starts sleeping around. comparing all of them to you. everyone thinks hes trying to get over nance, but little do they know hes been pining after you for months. driving you to and from work, letting you come over when youre boyfriends being a dick, buying you birthday and christmas gifts hoping you'll catch the hint but you never do. you could never believe steve harrington would actually have feelings for you, its so out of the question.

so youre boyfriends being especially shitty one night, and you run to steve, like you normally do, but this time, instead of his normal "he doesnt deserve you" or "you could have anyone, anyone you wanted. you could do so much better"… he kisses you. steve kisses you again. after so long. and you cant lie, it feels good. so so so good again. and he tells you he loves you. that hes loved you for months. that hes not asking you to break up with your boyfriend, but he just had to tell you, he couldnt keep it in any longer. that hed still do anything for you. that hes gonna be here no matter what. he just. loves you . alot. and its painful sometimes. but if that means having you in his life, then thats what hell do.

and then you leave. you leave him there. in his big house. alone again. and he thinks that’s it. that’s he’s fucked everything up. that he’s never gonna see you again.

but then you’re back the next night. you look scared. scared when he opened the door… and then you tell him you broke up with him. your boyfriend.

and then he kisses you. and kisses you and kisses you and kisses you and drags you to bed:)

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut

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quinloki · 9 days

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…… it is consuming all of my brain function I barely have brain cells to rub together for ANYTHING ELSE RN IM SO SORRY ITS SO LONG

Marco and Sabo who aren't actually from conflicting organizations, they're from organizations that are partnered (whitebeard/revolutionaries) but they have this weird rivalry (mostly on Sabo's side tbh) bc Ace and Sabo grew up together but Ace didn't join the same organization bc Sabo disappeared similar to canon but they were reunited at some point and ace yapped his ear off about his partner marco

anyways the organizations both have someone in their eye (reader) and decide to work together to obtain the asset. however ace is trash at undercover work so they send sabo and marco together instead

reader works for croc maybe doing something similar to what robin used to do and kinda similar vibes to nami in a sense of owing croc a bunch of money they occasionally prowl the casino floor looking for dudes to 'rip off' to help pay the debt down

and oh look it's a pair of brothers talking about how their dad left them a bunch of money and they've never done this before time to get them drunk and clean them out ofc they'll only act drunk and you offer to escort them up to their room safely

then bam drugged and you're out cold and stuffed in a suitcase and they're out of there (but being followed oh nooo) and you wake up in a totally different hotel room and you try to fight them but trained spies so you basically just end up pinned like we're ready to make you a better deal than crocodile just calm down and you're like ???? wait you're not here to use me against crocodile??? i'm down I was only working for him bc I owed him money and his new business partner (doffy) gives me the creeps so what can you offer

and sabo is like what is this stockholm syndrome already and marco just shakes his head and sighs and they basically outline what the organizations are looking for/offer which is like 10x better than working for crocodile so you accept but oop yall are still being followed so spy shenandigans and little scuffles follow and you travel a lot trying to get back to their base

and it puts you all in very close proximity for some time often sharing hotel rooms and then one time the only room available is one bed and ofc then comes the bickering of who will sleep where with the guys planning on the floor and it's like come on we're all adults here it'll be fine (famous last words) and ofc yall wake up snuggled together and sabo is interally like wtfff that's the best I've slept probably ever

and yall have all been practically attached at the hip for safety so everyone is pent up and they both get some morning wood and its like this is wrong yall are brothers and they're like we're not real brothers?? and then you're like oh. well then.

fun times ensue and after it's a bit awkward like well what do we do now but then bam croc's men catch up so it's run away and not think about that time and there's a few more stops between then and getting back to safety and a few more fun times and then yall are seperated when you get back and it's like aw it's over but they start sneaking in to see you and it's like welp I guess this is a thing

and you see them together and seperate and while they see eachother in your company they see very little of eachother outside of it bc they're dealing with eachother for you except marco is very good at putting sabo under him and riling him up and it's always so hot to watch especially when marco orders sabo to do specific things to you

and yall have fun like that for awhile and then ofc there's some drama like maybe croc's men finally sneak in and snatch you up but you're like a beloved member of both organizations so they'll go to war for you and snatch you back and the boys are so happy to have you back they spend days showing you just how much

anyways brain is empty rn imma go to bed and maybe think about more or just more specific sexy times so sorry for the brain dump love you lots hope you enjoyed <3333

Okay - no but that was an awesome ride \o/

You’re in bad with Crocodile, and Doffy wants to “help”, but gods the strings attached to that offer are so bad you’d rather sleep with Croc honestly, but that’s not happening because your relationship with him is exceptionally negative in this story. (I imagine to the point of his cigars making you rankle.)

In come easy marks Sabo and Marco, and oh it’s fun and flirting as you ply these men with drinks and compliments. They even give you small gifts in exchange, tips whether they win big or not. The flirting becoming more heated as the drinks continue in.

Neither is really affected. Sabo’s tolerance is legendary, and Marco can’t even get drunk because of the Phoenix. At least not drinking so little. (He’d slammed a gallon or two once in frustration and had managed to feel drunk for minute or two.

Once the facade is dropped and things are explained (helluva hook you have there, Sabo admits, having taken a wild swing to the jaw), your on board. But you have concerns - your bullshit debt aside, you’re an asset to Croc, he doesn’t let go of assets.

Worry not, their bases are in the New World, and Croc’s connections are in Paradise. It’s going to be a long trip - island hopping down the grand line to reach the Red Line and safety. Weeks and months of staying under the radar and keeping close.

You’re the one to admit you don’t mind some stress relief as long as it doesn’t get weird. They’re brothers - oh wait they aren’t - okay but you’ll be coworkers of a sort, no mixing business and pleasure. We’re all adults here.

Your only concern is that these orgasms aren’t going to be outdone because it’s criminal how well these two work your body. You make it to the Red Line - feelings are caught, you’re caught, war breaks out.

Confessions and concessions as you drown in your two sweet blonde boys, never to be worried about anyone or anything no matter how dangerous it gets.

I love it - it’s a very action packed take on the ideas for Outnumbered, and I love the emotions tied to reader getting kidnapped/saved.

#quin answers #reader insert #x reader #kazieai #marco the phoenix #revolutionary sabo #sabo the revolutionary

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greg-montgomery · 1 year

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Prob too little too late but soft hotch thots for your (and my) lonely self:

Cuddles with Aaron? I just think he'd be the best you know?? Esp the later seasons one? He's so big <3 and warm and safe <3 just looking at the gifs and i know I'd be safe with him?? Whether it's the world or my own thoughts that are being mean it doesn't matter? Because once he wraps himself around you nothing else matters except that he doesn't let go? He knows your mind calms down when he hugs you? So on especially bad days, he just makes sure he's wearing his softest t-shirt and you've got on your fav comfy pjs and just wraps you up??? Settles you on top of him, arms wrapped tight around your waist, your face buried in his neck?? With a blanket on top so it just feels like you're covered from all sides protected by this wonderful man? He uses his soft Jack voice to tell you all about the teams shenanigans? Makes sure to put on your fav scented candle? Strokes your hair, leaves gentle kisses on your forehead and just talks to you? Urges you to let the thoughts in your brain run out no matter how chaotic or silly they seem to you? Grips you tighter as you keep sharing? And when you're sleepy he turns around so you're tucked in his side, arms still wrapped tight and sleeps like that? Even though his arm is sire to get numb? Wakes you up the next morning with gentle kisses to your cheeks and nose and eyelids that make you giggle, your fav coffee and breakfast ready for you? Makes sure to spend atleast a couple of hours on top of you doing some v strenuous cardio so you can start the day right: with his name on your lips as he rails you into another planet and a massive smile on your face when he carries you to the shower?

Brb gonna Y E A R N

(@ravensmadreads)

you and aaron fr!!! ⬇️

this man fucking loves cuddles!!! and especially when he knows you need them??? he’s there to provide <333

he makes sure everything is perfect for you before you get to cuddling!! he makes you your favorite tea or hot chocolate…any hot beverage you love that makes you relax <3 he lays your favourite pjs on the bed so you can find them all clean and warm when you get home from work! and he also knows that what he’s wearing is also very important bc there is a serious cuddling session waiting for him ahead. so he chooses to wear his softest sweater!!

when you get home he takes you in his arms and gives you a forehead kiss immediately!! he makes sure you have been drinking your water and have eaten well!! if not - he’ll make sure you will!!

and when you’re all set, he lays on the bed and takes you with him 🥹 you’re like a blanket on top of him 🥰🥰 he runs his hands up and down your back, under your top…he kisses your hair…he tells you about the dirty words morgan and penelope exchanged in front of him that day that made him uncomfortable 🧍🏻 he tells you about the new facts spencer taught him that came up during their last case…he tells you about emily and how the team teased her about her recent date and what a failure it was…and suddenly you’re laughing, not even remembering about the things that made you sad in the first place <3

but if you wanna talk he’ll listen. and he’ll stay quiet if that’s what you want!! but if you want him to speak he’ll give you advice! bc he’s older and he knows better and sometimes he makes you see things from a different or more mature perspective <3 but he never fails to tell you about how much he loves you. how much you mean to him (the whole world). and how safe you are with him. he would never let anything happen to you!! you’re okay!! and you’ll always be okay!! he makes sure you know!

he plays with your hair and gives you so sooooo many kisses 🥰🥰 and he lets you play with his hair too and give him kisses and bite him and do anything your heart desires to him <33 and you fall asleep with a happy carefree smile on your face bc nothing makes you feel safer than your love’s arms 🥰🥰🥰

#aaron hotchner x reader #RAVEN THE END-#LMFAOOOOO i almost missed it #if everything else fails he’ll give you a few mind blowing orgasms #you can’t think of your problems when you’re too busy screaming his name or drooling around his cock 🥰🥰🥰#he’s PERFECT isn’t he <3 #nsfw.#for the tags lmfaoo #raven 🖤#ask

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kenjakusbraincum · 5 months

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Ok lets leave sukuna and his pet this time and focus at the servants for once, Its that situation of “ it was all good until that ONE MF spoke and we ate…“

they do have situations too and especially in vows, I bet at night in their bedroom they gather and do bets this time about sukuna’s new pet and how long they’ll survive.

And there is that “ ONE MF “ who bet all whatever they bet on ( turns in chores?/food?/accessories? ) and one peculiar looking individual said “ according to my prediction This one is a keeper for master sukuna and they’ll gradually do some changes to the master as time passes, and they’ll fall for each other.“

As much the servants wanting to roll out laughing loud and mock but too afraid they just snickered and hold as best they can and said “ ya sure whatever you said.” And whole squad bet against that individual with whatever convenient to both sides.

To there surprise the individual was right as time pass the “ Pet “ didn’t got rid off, instead they start to get better treatment and more privileges especially when they got access to the garden because no one talks about the garden the garden is only accessible to the ones who got selected by Uraume themselves.

They only admit defeat after event of the “ untitled drabble “, but long time passes and one day while all the servants in their beds trying to sleep the individual add “ if only it can last forever..” “ what you mean? “ asked one of the servants. They looked at the window and said “ a black nights coming to this wretched place and we’ll lose a gold soul.“.

Events of vows occurred and the servants are too afraid of whatever comes out of that individual’s mouth next more than sukuna’s state now, because they start to believe they are cursed speech user but they won’t risk and snitch about them afraid to be wrong because they have no proof.

One night while all servants are in deep sleep they suddenly heard a voice “ don’t worry my colleagues they’ll reunite again but not in the way we expec-“ , “ SHUT THE FUCK UP! “ yelled at them refusing to let them finish there sentence.

Damn I slipped Whoopies

Ahhh I love the idea of this going on behind the scenes in the story!! It's actually fun to think about the servants. Sukuna tries to hide this thing that's happening between him and his pet, but servants are always around and they catch little glimpses, share them amongst each other and gather the full picture quite quickly.

And obvs they'd love it, bc as time progresses, Sukuna starts to hesitate to commit crimes in front of pet. Which means often times even if the servants fuck something up around Sukuna, if pet is nearby he'll simply pretend he didn't see it and move on.

Also, thinking about the servants betting on what's going to happen next is hilarious, especially betting on turns in chores 😭😭🙏

#asks

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babyjakes · 2 years

Text

learned it from you.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

summary | when steve falls under the weather for the first time since the 40’s, you’re sure to take just as good care of him as he always takes of you.

pairing | daddy!steve rogers x little!reader

warnings | sfw regression (daddy!steve and little!reader), mentions of illness (standard cold/cough), reader is sosososo sweet, just so fluffy and soft and cute and lovely:’-)

word count | 1,162

requested by anon | hi!! i have an idea :) feel free to change it up or just get inspo from this!! maybe the reader takes care of her sick daddy?? any of the guys would be so sweet but maybe steve and it’s so shocking bc who knew he could even get sick??? so reader gets all worried and tries her hardest to be a big girl and take care of her daddy 💜

an | hi omg thankyou so much for sending in this request it’s so so sweet especially bc steve is #1 daddy and would just be so touched at his girl trying to help him out, i hope you enjoy friend!!

A concerned frown grows on your face as you listen to Steve’s coughing from the bedroom down the hall. Hurry up, you think to yourself as you glance at the microwave in front of you, a bowl of chicken noodle soup spinning slowly inside on the heated glass plate.

When you woke up this morning to the sound of miserable sniffles coming from the concerningly warm body slumped next to you in bed, your first thought was that the supersoldier was crying. But after rubbing your eyes to wipe away the sleep and taking a moment to assess the situation at hand, you started to pick up signs that things might actually be a bit more serious. Steve’s face was pale, unusually so, though his cheeks were flushed a deep red. His eyes were swollen and puffy, though they held no tears. When he opened his mouth to say good morning, he struggled to make much sound at all. “Don’t know what’s gotten into me, doll,” he had confessed. “Didn’t think I could catch anything after the serum.”

After a prompt visit from Dr. Banner, your outlandish fears of rare but serious illness were all alleviated. “S'just a cold,” the doctor had said, “apparently a pretty strong one, if it’s hitting you this hard.”

Steve’s spent most of the day in bed, you right along with him, despite his minor grumblings about “not wanting to spread it” to you. You’ve been watching various Disney movies, though you’re pretty sure your daddy’s been sleeping through most of them. When you had glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and noticed it was nearing dinner time, you had gently shaken him awake, telling him, “I’m gonna go see what I can find for dinner.”

Now, you’ve got a whole tray prepared for Steve, with a few slices of toast on a plate, a glass of milk, a new pack of tissues, and even a little vase of wildflowers you picked from the garden. Glancing over at the daisies, you smile sadly to yourself. “When he’s better, we’ll go out and make daisy chains,” you promise yourself.

When the microwave beeps to signal the soup has finished cooking, you’re careful to remove it, not wanting to make any spills or potentially burn yourself on the heated porcelain of the bowl. Adding it to the wooden tray on the counter, you pause, frowning again. Missing something, you think to yourself.

A memory flashes in your mind of a few months back when you had caught a stomach bug. Steve was called away on an important mission for the weekend; he was almost too worried to go, but reluctantly agreed to Bucky’s offer of staying with you ‘til he got back. When he had returned, he burst through the door with a grand bouquet of flowers, along with a little card in hand, a teddy bear printed neatly on the front. “Get Well Soon,” it had said, and the inside was signed by everyone on the team.

Moving quickly so the soup doesn’t sit to cool for too long, you hurry to your playroom down the hall, grabbing a firm piece of blue cardstock from your art supplies, the deep shade one of your daddy’s favorites, you’re sure. Using a thick glittery pen, you write in big silver letters, “Get Well Soon, Daddy!” A small smile forms on your face as you do your best to draw a stuffed bear beneath, making sure to add little bows to the ears, just as your own Teddy has in real life. “Just gotta sign it now,” you tell yourself, flipping the card open and writing your name in your signature swirly script.

A slight pout forms on your face when you realize you have no one else to sign with you, but a bright idea soon fills your head. “Teddy can’t sign, he’s a bear. But maybe I can draw his pawprint.” Sticking your tongue out a bit as you try to concentrate, you draw your best bear paw, a little squeal leaving you as you cap the pen and admire your work. “So pretty,” you coo to yourself, similar to how Steve would if he were with you. “He’s gonna be so proud.”

Hurrying back to the kitchen, you add your card to the tray next to the flowers, doing your best to be careful as you carry it down the hallway from the kitchen to the bedroom. Kicking it open a few inches with your socked foot, you call carefully, “Daddy? Brought you something.”

As soon as Steve’s tired gaze falls on you standing in the doorway, all pain and exhaustion leave his face as his expression softens, a small smile forming on the man’s face for maybe the first time all day. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighs, his voice swelling with affection, “now, what’s all this?”

“Made you some soup,” you tell him, returning his smile hopefully. “And some toast, a-and- and here,” you continue, walking over to the bed and setting the tray down gently on his lap.

Steve’s smile only grows as he spots the flowers and card. “Com'ere, lovebug,” he invites, motioning for you to join him on the bed.

You settle down carefully next to him, eyes wide as he picks up the card, reading the front aloud with his love and pride clear in his voice. “Get Well Soon, Daddy,” he reads as he flips it open, “from Y/n- oh, and what’s this?” he asks, pointing to the little paw below your signature.

“That’s Teddy’s paw; he couldn’t sign himself, but he hopes you get well super soon, too,” you inform him, a soft chuckle sounding from the man as he sets the card back down on the tray.

“That was awfully nice of him, you’ll have to tell him I say 'thank you.’ And what’s all this, honey? Chicken noodle soup, you know that’s my favorite.”

“Was super careful when I made it, Daddy,” you promise, “made sure not to spill or get burned.”

“I’m sure you were, doll. Thank you, this is was so sweet of you to put together for me. You didn’t have to, baby. We could’ve ordered take-out or something- but it does mean the world to me that you take such good care of me,” Steve murmurs, pulling you in for a snuggle.

“Learned it from you, Daddy,” you tell him shyly, his gaze trailing down to meet yours at your sentimental words. “Always take such good care of me, just wanted to do the same for you.”

“Oh lovebug,” Steve smiles, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of your head. “You’re too sweet. Love you so much, little one. Thank you for takin’ such good care of me.”

“Love you too, Daddy,” you hum contently into his arms, your swelling with warmth as you’re nothing short of honored to care for the man. “Think I get my sweetness from you, too.”

#eun's writing #learned it from you #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #daddy!steve rogers #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers blurb #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers headcanon #captain america #captain america fanfiction

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deejadabbles · 5 months

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Deeja my love!! I am here with asks for

Jaylee x Tup 🥰🥰

2 .What was their first date like? If they haven’t been on a date yet, how would it go?

11. Who causes the most arguments?

20. What are they like when sharing a bed?

I'm so happy you asked about em bc I'm so soft over these two! Thank you darling 🥰

OC relationship asks

Jaylee x Tup

2 .What was their first date like? If they haven’t been on a date yet, how would it go?

Oh my gosh get ready for cuteness: So Tup of course doesn't have a lot of resources for dates and adventures, Jaylee knows this and insists that it fine, that she doesn't need anything and just spending time with him is enough. But Tup's inner romantic won't let it go, so, he plans out this whole night on Coruscant. It starts out with him making them some food at her apartment, something that isn't easy to mess up given his limited cooking experience but of course the effort alone is more than enough. Then he takes her out into the city, starting with this market in the mid level that's vibrant and full of life, perfect for window shopping if neither of them have much funds, so many new things to looks at which excites him but he also will make her smile because she loves seeing new things. The main draw of this area though is that, not far away there are always local bands playing their music outside with a whole area set aside for dancing. They can dance the night away together and take breaks to just listen to the bands. Then to top off the night, he'll surprise her by taking her up to this gorgeous view of the higher levels, a nice rooftop with enough privacy for them to just sit and talk, enjoying the view and each other's company. Course, they're probably too lost in each other's eyes to pay the view much mind after awhile

11. Who causes the most arguments?

Unfortunately this falls on Jaylee. She loves how open and affectionate Tup is, but, especially at first, it activates some of her insecurities. It's very hard for her to be affectionate and she doesn't know how to reciprocate, this causes her to get snippy and short tempered, which of course, understandably, upsets Tup. It's one of her issues she has to work on, but thankfully it does get better as their relationship progresses <3

20. What are they like when sharing a bed?

It takes forever for her to straight up ask for it, but, Jaylee loves to fall asleep snuggled against Tup's chest with his arm wrapped around her. Of course, spooning is also an option, so sometimes they'll fall asleep with Tup being the little spoon. Letting Tup be vulnerable when he gets back from rough campaigns is very important to her and she often insists that he be the little spoon even if he doesn't ask. If they fell asleep cuddled up then they'll often drift apart throughout the night. Tup barely moves cos of his training but Jaylee is a very restless sleeper and somehow ends up on Tup's other side at some point in the night. It would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that he sometimes wakes up from her kicking him in her sleep lmao

Thank you so much for sending these in friend! I love talking about these two <3

Also, since Tup knows he has to put the "Our Wife" disclaimer on everything: @dystopicjumpsuit @sev-on-kamino come get your wive 🥰

#oc: jaylee #jaylee x tup #oc ask game

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cloudninetonine · 1 year

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You know what…I have a proposal.

Remember when I said the chain are much stronger and everything is much more rough and rugged (think that’s the word I wanna use?) than Player is used to? Adding on to that rn:

Starting off small we have high fives with the chain being a nightmare. Callous and scar covered hands, as lovely as they are, are a little less easy to handle when yours get shattered by it being attached to arms that can bench goats. Same goes with hand shakes and pats on the back. Poor Player is getting LAUNCHED. Dibs on mine doing the Goofy “YAAAAHOOHOOHOOOOOEYYY” scream.

Sharing a bed roll or sleeping area with any of em, nice right? Well think AGAIN bc if one of those dense boned goobers roll on you I’ll have to transfer your stencil thin body onto a memorial T-shirt for you Stinka Butt💚 Flatter than Time’s behind. A true shame. Lighters up everyone.

Trying to play fight or intimidate any of them?? Not happening. They’ll have to pull the “Lion parent pretending to be hurt to make the cub feel better” tactic after a while. Your serious vs their serious are two completely different emotions. Unless you’re a lawyer I bet two shiny pennies most in this here daycare center can’t mean mug like any of these possible [war] criminals/j. Player looks like the embodiment of the squeaky toy noise, but the others have weapons so they may have an unfair advantage.

Player being the most huggable. With our advanced modern technology of “Soft on soft feel good” I’m willing to bet that their skin is much softer than the dudes who wear potato sack textured shirt chic😔. Player can be chub or non chub but regardless they are the emotional support teddy bear for Wind, Rule, Wild, and at some point Sky, Four, Twi, and ironically Legend. Don’t worry this is a symbiotic relationship, both receive well needed hugs AND Player gets their back cracked.

On the Player’s end?? They’re giving the Chain a MUCH more lavish idea of their life before they arrived than they actually had. For instance, Player talks about missing their piles of blankets, plushies, pillows, etc and the dudes just imagine what essentially sounds like a palace of clouds to them. Player insists it wasn’t much then goes on to mention plush slippers they got from the store and the dudes are just “😀”. Walmart doesn’t exist in sewage street time babe they don’t know what 70% off is😔

Hopefully my thoughts weren’t TOO all over the place😭!

—🍐

Player is Fed Up with a capital 'f' especially because Wind likes to tease them all about it.

Player wanting to playfully arm wrestle Wild just to nearly have their arm ripped in two (Hyrule screamed Wild's ear off while healing their ache because he's soft for them and Wild didn't know what to do.)

When Wind is able to knock them over they scream cry into their pillow in utter embarrassment, while the boy is prancing about like some fucking peacock strutting his none existent muscles until they tackle him.

And when it comes to the bed the boys dogpile into it, Player fights to sleep in their own bed because it's so comfy compared to theirs back in Hyrule.

#cloud answers #Anon asks

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urfavhippi · 4 months

Text

Musician and her Swordmen (zoro x femreader!)

One Shot!! Zoro x Musician! Reader that plays guitar!

(MY first one on here guys!! Im excited.😁 also MERRY CHRISTMAS!! )

Femreader!!

Tbh I'm currently writing this bc I'm bored and I think I just broke my toe 😀 but I'm eating lasagna later so it's okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Name) stayed still. Except for the occasional shiver as the wind blew harshly. Ofcourse it had to be her turn tonight out of all nights that it was snowing.

While all the other strawhats were snoozing away in the comforts of their warm beds. She was sitting here in the freezing. Yet as she looked up and saw how the moon reflected across the ocean. How the stars glittered the night sky.

Moments like this were so special. As a pirate ESPECIALLY on luffys crew. You never really got a chance to relax. Much less by yourself. Alone time wasn't very frequent. The peaceful quietness. It was almost blissful.

(Name) found herself almost passing out as she gazed at the stars. Shaking herself awake she sighed. Having a moment like this. There was one other thing that she hadn't done in a while.

Slinking back down the ladder stealthily so she didn't wake anyone up. The musician slowly cracked open the door to her shared room with nami and robin before she grabbed her guitar. Tattered and old. It looked like it had been through a lot.

The stories that had came with this guitar. The weight it held. Lives its saved. As crazy as it sounded. It saved hers too. She closed the door quietly before going back up to the crows nest.

"Alright!~ Lets see if I still got it~" (Name) spoke to herself as she cracked her knuckles. Before her hands fit the guitar perfectly. As if it was made for her. She immediately started playing a soft and mellow tune.

Somehow it brought it all together. The middle of the night while she's humming along to melodies she hadn't even remembered she could play. Getting lost in the music. It was only when she heard a thud down below did she stop.

Right before (Name) went to go see what the noise was. A familiar head of green hair appeared. It was just zoro. Her bestfriend. And the man who stole her heart.

She relaxed and groaned softly to herself. Leaning back against the mast. "What're you doing up?" She asked snarkily while she raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it past your bed time greenie?~" She added on to tf he small jest sarcastically as she grinned.

The swordsmen finished climbing into the crows nest. The only acknowledgment she got was a grumpy grumble and a glare. Before he sat down next to her. Their shoulders touching. "Couldn't sleep." He said quietly.

(Name) glanced at him before looking back at the stars. Only giving him a small hum. A comforting and tranquil silence hung over the two. Neither needed anymore words. Just eachothers presence.

Zoro glanced at (Name). Or more like behind her. He nodded to the guitar. "You play?" The girl gave him a bashful smile as she shrugged, looking away. "A little bit. I used to be better. But it's been a while so I'm pretty rusty." She hummed lightly, not thinking too much of the question.

The swordsmen was tired. Yet he couldn't have stopped himself from dragging himself up here. Moments like this were peaceful, when ot was just the two of them. Enjoying eachothers company.

"I'll be the judge of that." He said simply with a sly smirk. Watching the girl mess with the guitar. He yawned softly as he crossed his arms for warmth. "Play somethin for me."

Zoro said it so casually. As if it was as simple as that. (Name) gave him a look with a small smile. The two shared intense eye contact for a second. "Only if you say please." She gave him a playful nudge.

"Not gonna happen." He replied with a small smirk, the usual stoic and gruff reply. Tinted with the faintest hint of amusement as he nudged her back lightly. (Name) only smiled before turning her attention to the guitar. She began to play again. Humming softly as the calming and relaxing music flowed through the air.

The musician missed the sight of th green haired males eyes drooping as he fought to keep himself up. She had been helping him relax so he could get his much needed sleep.

Before she knew it. (Name) would feel a warm weight on her shoulder. Zoro fell asleep. His head resting on her shoulder. The musician set her guitar aside. His warmth surrounding her and enveloping her whole. She wrapped her blanket around them both as the sun began to set.

Maybe night watch wasn't that bad. Maybe she should play her music more often.

(Lmk if tall want more or if you want to request something!!)

#zoroxreader #zoro #xreader #musician #guitar #one piece

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cocain3katesblog · 5 months

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Ik this my Ed page but I just have to let this out there somehow. I just wanna let you the few ppl that follow me know who tired I am of fighting. I constantly have to battle my sadness and the way I do that is by not eating. I don’t eat so it can overwhelm the sadness. Everyday passes by but I still feel like I’m living the same day over and over again. I wish can’t handle this sadness anymore. I see my life from afar and I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything I feel like a background character in my own life story. How is this even possible ? I lost someone so dear to my heart and this January will be 2 years without them. I saw them struggle with feeling good down bc they were sick and I wouldn’t eat too so they didn’t feel alone in their battle. Now I can’t stop eating and think how I’ve let that person down. My own family even doesn’t like me. All the sudden they started to act like they care when that person passed. Even my own brother and father talk about me behind my back. I don’t want to physically harm myself bc I don’t want ppl to see how badly I’m struggling in the outside. I’d rather starve and suffer from the inside and slowly wither away like a wilted flower in the breeze. I hope no one finds this because I’m usually not the vulnerable type especially on social media but Ik this platform and the ppl that follow me share a similar story where it all started. I’m starving myself until I drop dead so I can just see that person again. I’m not brave enough to physically do anything to myself to end up dead so I decided to just waste away. That person was my main source of happiness and my only true friend. I can’t believe it took the passing of that persons death to realize that person was my entire world. I usually was able to sleep away the pain but now the pain has followed me into my dreams where I thought I could escape. I wake up crying or in my dreams I am crying and I can feel my facial expressions mimic crying. I don’t want help. I’m too far gone to be helped. Everyday I pray to god to just let me be free from the body and let me see that person one more time. I’d leave everything behind for that person. Every birthday wish, everyday New Year’s resolution, every night before I go to bed, I beg and plead to god to free me from this pain, this endless suffering. I told God to make that person better and I’ll do anything, anything! I’ll be a better person I’ll devote my life to the church I’ll detransition, I’ll do wtv it takes. In the end I guess my prayers weren’t heard. I cry almost everyday even when I laugh so hard I have tears running down my face for some reason I have the feeling to cry and just shut up and sit in silence. The day that person passed I looked in the mirror and saw someone else. Someone different. I didn’t recognize myself. I still don’t. I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s face. I don’t wish this on my worst fucking enemy. The loss of someone this close to you. I drown my sorrow by listening to sad music and reading poetry like Sylvia Plath and it does help for a little to know that someone in the world has felt this pain before and that I’m not alone but yet I look around and I see everything living their lives and I’m feel like I’m stuck. Maybe I deserve this torture. I put that person thru hell and back and even my own family says that I didn’t make their passing any easier. At the time I didn’t know to to express my feelings. How do you think a 15 year old highschool student is supposed to react to the news that someone you love is slowly passing away and you’re just watching? I was such a bad kid to that person and I’d do anything to have them back in my life. I want that person to hit me, yell at me, tell me how worthless I’ll be but at least I’ll that person would still be here. That person never hurt a single hair on my head and was just the sweetest soul a person can imagine. I still question why that person ? Why not me? Why did they have to suffer when I was the bad one? If I could , I’d be gone tmr but I can’t

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cherrypeaking · 10 months

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good morning~ how’s my beautiful woman doing? 🥺🩵 i hope you slept well~

i took a preemptive pain killer to drive my cramps away but somehow my body didn’t get the memo so my cramps started coming at full force 😭😭 it was so bad that i tried to get up and run away from the pain but you can’t run from the pain if it’s in your body 😭😭😭😭 so now i’m laying in bed trying to recover djshhss

i’m looking back at our conversation from earlier and it’s so wonderful that we’re so comfortable around each other 🥺🥺🩵🩵 it had me yearning to be by your side already 🥺🩵

aaah i can’t stop thinking about you baby i want to hold your hand and kiss your knuckles >//< i wanna do a bunch of romantic stuff with you 🥺🩵🩵 it’s so funny that we both related to anti romantic so much at one point and now look at us 😭😭 we went from anti romantic to hydrangea love hehe 🤭🩵🩵🩵 it’s funny but it’s also so beautiful and it makes me so glad that we took our time with each other 🥺 i would’ve waited however long for you~ i knew i only wanted you before you even asked what we were djshhs 😳😳👉🏾👈🏾🩵 you’re a lot braver than you let on honestly!! i know you get shy and nervous a lot but you’re so brave to me baby 🥺🥺 so brave and strong and powerful~ i admire you so much 🥺 my baby’s simply the coolest~ 🥺🩵🩵

(taehyun as THEE baby star 🥺🥺⭐️⭐️ i couldn’t choose one pic of tyun or one jirachi pic so here’s a rare 4 pic collage :3)

in other news, i think twitter is back up now so i can go back to tagging you in cute stuff :3 but that app is on its last strike with me idk how much longer i can take the muskrat screwing it over and changing things that never needed to be changed :/ but ultimately it’s okay if i leave twitter bc i have you and a perfectly loving community here on tumblr dot corn 🥺🥺🩵🩵 and as much as this site has its own problems the love and community i’ve found here is worth more than anything any dim witted ceo could mess up 🥹🥹🫶🏾🫶🏾🩵🩵

i love you so much my love~ as always, i hope you have a great day!! i’m here rooting for you my love, my little fairy princess 🥺🩵

P.S look at our themes side by side we’re literally so cute 😭😭😭🩵🩵🩵

my love 🥺🥺🩷 getting to read your ask really made me feel better… and talking to you ultimately… like i told you i woke up from a nightmare but i feel way better thanks to you 🥺🥺🩷 i just had my caramel coffee~ it’s funny that even though you don’t really like coffee, my caramel coffee always makes me think of you 🤭🩷

hmhm :(( i feel like it happens to me too like some period cramps are so painful all you can do is sleep it off?? i’m so sorry like why do we have to go through this :(( im so glad you’re feeling better… mommy deserves kisses and tummy rubs 🥺🥺

i loved our conversation as well >\\\< it was so cute and just like you i love that we get to communicate and feel comfortable to share everything 🥺🥺🩷

mommy 🥺🥺 i would love that so much… i do get lots of romantic thoughts about you my sweetie pie 🥺🥺🩷 please i do find it so funny cause antiromantic was basically my jam i was thinking no bye i’m not going for relationships anymore 😑 and then i met you 🥺🥺🩷 it’s so cute that you think that i’m brave >\\\< i was actually very excited and nervous and anxious and trying to know exactly when i’d be ready 🥺🥺 i want to live what we have to the fullest and that’s when i decided to ask you out 👉👈🩷 to me you’re really the coolest and strongest, my girlfriend is the best 🥺🥺🩷 i remember you were saying the same, no more relationships or maybe just one but then i’m done and i was thinking omg so true queen and then- FHSBFBDB 👉👈🩷🥺 i love you my crystal gem 🥺🩷🩵💎

MOMMYYYYY MY TWO BIGGEST COMFORTS (outside of you~) 🥺🥺🥺 they look so so cute my love 🥺😭🩷🩷 thank you so much 🥺🩷

tbh same :( i feel like i’m gonna be there for much longer unless that rate limit thing is indeed temporary… what sucks is especially for txt content and translations it was really good to have access to twt… i’m happy twitter hasn’t really been on my mind ever since i came here and met you my love 🥺🩷 our cute little community is very much loving and caring and i love being here, way more than there~ so if i had to leave i know i would stay here despite the lags hehe :3 🩷🩷

i love you so much as well mommy 🥺🥺🩷 you’re my queen~ my garden fairy 🥺🥺🩷 im always rooting for you too my love, thank you so much 🥺🥺🩷

PLEASE OMG LOOKING AT THEM SIDE BY SIDE THEY ARE SO CUTE OUR BLOGS ARE SO CUTE 🥹🥹🩷 this tyunning concept is really top tier and we sport it so well as tyuntwinz 🤭🩷

#crystal gem 💎#my love :(((#thank you so much for being here for me i woke up feeling so scared and you were so patient with me 🥺#i love you so much my fairy of crystals 🥺🥺😭🩷#im so so happy i’m with you 🥺🥺 always thankful that i met you at a time i really needed to at least make some friends 🥺#i made a friend who became my girlfriend 👉👈🩷🥺😳#im so happy with you 🥺🥺 i hope you are too with me 🥺

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bengesko · 2 years

Text

disordered eating cw, parentification/child abuse cw

I don’t talk about it much because I know I have mutuals with eating disorders, but I have a major problem with food insecurity anxiety.

I grew up poor. I only ate well when I was with my grandparents, or when my family lived in AL and my dad took up hunting. (Even then, venison didn’t last long.)

Once I turned ten, I was expected to go with less food to make sure my brother got to eat more. He was the only biological son, so he was spoiled, and always got enough food. I literally didn’t have a 12th birthday because my mother gave my father the money to take my brother to an all you can eat buffet because we were low on food, and he was a nightmare if he didn’t get all the food he wanted.

(We were pretty much broke bc my parents spoiled my brother into a black hole.)

I ran away at 17, because even when I started working at 15, I wasn’t able to get food for myself, unless it was AT work. Whatever was left from my paycheck after gas and car insurance, I had to give to my mother for bills- usually for food to feed my siblings, especially my brother.

I was tired of being hungry, yet still called fat by my mother. I was a size 5 in high school, but had body issues because my mother said I was “going to be obese” if I didn’t ‘eat better,’ despite rarely being fed by my own parents.

Even when I ran away and moved in with a friend, I didn’t have food security, because at 17, you don’t have many options, and I was working three jobs, only to come home to roommates that didn’t, or barely worked, and most of their money was spent on pot, and they’d eat my groceries.

Even in the MILITARY, I had food issues bc my ex husband controlled what/when I ate.

And after that, I kept having to bounce between being homeless, being close to homeless, and being broke, with a few stretches in between of safety, only to crash again.

I hate being hungry, and hate “being low” on food. I have issues sharing food, but have problems saying no because I want to keep the peace where I live.

When I have funds, and I’m down to the last 10-15 dollars, and down to a small amount of food, I panic. And I binge eat. I can’t help it. I KNOW that binging is going to make things worse for future me, but I spiral, I panic, and I binge. Then I feel awful and purge, and sleep for long stretches, only getting out of bed to pee, or drink something, but I deny myself food- if I have any left.

I made myself a nice hodgepodge dinner last night. Some sausage, some tomatoes, mushrooms, and grits. It was what I had left, and it made a good meal.

Woke up, found Annie had eaten the leftovers, and Matilda, in all her chaotic goofiness, had tried to make coffee, but spilled water everywhere. I didn’t know until an hour ago that during that fiasco, my grits were a casualty.

So here I am, with one pack of ramen until the fifth, I haven’t eaten in 24 hours, and I’m sitting here, telling myself “It’s a good thing you don’t have any funds left on your SNAP, because you’d just binge like an asshole, and you don’t DESERVE it. You don’t DESERVE to eat. You can’t make money, disability is taking forever, your art is awful and that’s why no one is commissioning you, and that means you don’t get food, and that’s fine because you DON’T DESERVE IT.”

and I don‘t. My mother was right, I turned out fat, and I deserve this. I deserve to be like this, I deserve to have my food eaten because I’m a wasteful asshole and I deserve to be hungry, I deserve to be miserable.

I’m sitting here, feeling this ache, and all I can think about is how my mother told me I didn’t deserve a birthday because I was getting fat anyway and my brother “Is the only boy of the family, we have to give him what he needs so he grows up tall and strong.”

I’ve been worthless and fat since i was little and I deserve this feeling, this ache, this hunger. It’s never going away and I deserve it.

#probably delete this later #but I'm just sitting here in bed crying and trying to deal with this bs #i hate my stupid brain/body #and hate my mother for making me this way

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