#she's staring at me while i type
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Ok so the Lumiose dojo third floor is definitely haunted but I think it's fine? Like, I climbed up through a window from a back alley and some translucent girl in black and purple (I'm assuming a ghost type specialist, likely the ghost of a Hex Maniac) helped me up, said "you're not the one" or something like that, and she's just vibing in the corner now. I offered her some of the corn chips I bought earlier and she just said no thanks without blinking. I think Javert and Cosette like her as well, so new bestie I guess :/
#she's staring at me while i type#so much curiosity in her eyes#probably hasn't seen a rotom phone before#wonder how long shes been here#pokeblogging#pkmn irl#pokemon#pokemon irl#unreality#tw ghosts
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Inspired by this godly post which unlocked a part of my brain I didn't know existed, and solidly gave me complete and utterly brainrot until I wrote something
A thousand thanks to Lily for her wonderful help :))
"Does Kelly not mind you spending all your time with me?" Daniel asks, because she's Daniel and once she's thought something she can't keep her fucking mouth shut, even if she knows it's trouble.
Max looks up, pausing his set of weights, and blinks at her. Daniel feels her cheeks warm. One day, that mouth of yours will run you straight into trouble, young lady, her mum used to tell her, voice firm. Good girls know when to keep quiet. Daniel used to just laugh at the warning. Her laugh is loud and the opposite of quiet, but she used to know that everyone always loved her laugh.
"No," Max says after a beat and then continues lifting. Daniel hates the way her gaze tracks over him, lingering on the movement of his muscles, the ease with which he lifts the weight. Tawny hair brushed out of his eyes, cheeks dusted warm from the exertion. "Of course not."
"Why of course not?" Daniel asks. She wants to sew her mouth shut. This time, Max didn't look over as he answers.
"Kelly's very secure, she's not like other girls. And besides, she knows you."
It's strange. When Daniel was seven and Michelle eleven, they'd gone rock pool fishing. Michelle had been crouched over a shallow pool of water, her finger delicately brushing the tentacles of the anemone. Daniel had been scaling the rocks, wanting steeper, taller, more.
She'd found the shark first, nestled high at between the rocks, and for a beat she hadn't known what she was looking at. Just details, but nothing collective. Rotting smell. Shrivelled holes where eyes should be. Scales of silver lightning. Rubbery fish picked clean. The flash of bone, pearl white.
Then she realised what she was staring at, and screamed. Her father held her while her mother scolded her. I told you not to go climbing! It's too dangerous, Daniel. Why can't you just be good like your sister and stay by the shallow pools?
And then, later, ice cream. Her dad, beside her, explaining the horror away.
It's just nature, Dani. The waves wash them up, and they get stuck there. They can't get back to the sea, and then the sun dries them out.
They drown on air, Michelle helpfully pointed out, her feet kicking happily as she licked her 99. Daniel just just nodded, ice cream untouched. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the sunken holes, the rotting flesh.
She hasn't thought about that moment for years, but suddenly it washes back over her. She feels simultaneously both. The child, staring at the carcass, frozen in shock. The shark, burning up in the sun, chocking on air.
"What does that mean?" She asks, and somehow her voice is normal, is fine. She's fine. She's not a girl or a shark. She's stupid and a fool and a gawky, ugly idiot, but she's fine.
Max manages to shrug, even with the 50kg weights. "You know. Just that Kelly knows you. She knows what you're like. And she knows me too, of course."
Daniel swallows. She nods. She hates everything about herself.
"That's sexist," she forces herself to say lightly because if the silence stretches anymore, Max might notice and set his weights down and look at her, and Daniel can't bear that. She doesn't want his eyes on her, taking in every blemish and imperfection. The boyish, ratty clothes she works out in and her curls gone frizzy with sweat and her inked skin, so different to Max and Kelly's pale, perfect complexions.
"What's sexist?"
"Saying she's not like other girls," Daniel tells him, setting down the weights she been doing. Instead, she goes to grab the skipping rope, just for something to do.
Max laughs. Daniel's glad she's turned away. Her cheeks are burning again.
"It's the truth. You, of course, Daniel, are not like other girls either." He says it lightly and ends with a chuckle, as if it's all just a joke. Daniel drags a sweaty hand over her cheeks. Burning, burning, burning.
Apparently, in Max's mind, she and Kelly are the same; both not like other girls. Kelly, with her faultless makeup and wonderful daughter and classy dresses and perfect feminity. One end of the scale. Daniel, the other. Barely even considered "a girl." Always one of the boys, only woman in f1 for a reason.
"Thanks," Daniel says. She wants to make it sound humorous, like she's in on the joke too. Instead, it's too cold; muttered as if she actually gave two shits about the conversation anyway. She has an F1 season to prepare for, she's too busy to care about stupid shit like this.
There's a beat of silence as Daniel stretches out the rope, feeling the plastic flex and give. Then, Max exhaling, the gentle bump of his weights against the floor, the workout bench shifting as his centre of gravity changes. Daniel keeps her back to him, ignoring it all.
"I did not mean it as insult," Max finally says, stubborn. Daniel forces a laugh, turning to give him a smile, all teeth.
"Of course not Maxy. I get that." Voice light and blithe. One of the boys.
She thinks he'll drop it, but instead, his frown only grows. Pinched brows, thin lips, cheeks growing blotchy. Blue eyes regard her, intense and unyielding. She burns from the inside out.
"I've upset you," he says, in that blunt, genuine way only he can do. Daniel barks out another laugh.
"Don't be stupid. You're not important enough to ever be able to get under my skin." She gives him another smile with only teeth. She feels insane. Her mother tells her good girls stay quiet.
"I'm sorry," he tries again, growing frustrated now, "I did not mean -"
"I told you, you didn't upset me," she drops the skipping rope without actually using it. "Anyway, I'm bored. Wanna get lunch now? Or are you still trying to pump those muscle with more testosterone?"
Max gives her one last, searching look before standing. They're almost the same height. She wants to shrink to nothing.
"That is not how testosterone works, Daniel," he says with the air of an overworked teacher. He looks at her with a smile, uncertain but genuine. She laughs, allowing him to move the conversation on.
She walks out of the gym first but holds the door for him. He grins, relieved. His fingers skim hers as he takes it and she lets go. A chill runs through her. Cold like scales, cold like ice cream untouched.
Follow up here!
#whole lot of internalised misogyny to unpack here#in my head Daniel is looking like Tash Sultana in the music video for “Jungle”#Max just meaning :))) Kelly knows you and she knows me :))) and she knows we are both two good people who would not cheat :)))#while Daniel just going into an existential crisis of#:((( Kelly knows Max and I :((( and I am zero threat to her because I must be utterly undesirable :((( and not Max's type at all :(((#maxiel#girl!Daniel#for the first time ever lol#my fic#ending involves the tension between them growing and growing#and Kelly watches them share a podium and sees the way Max wraps his arm around Daniel's shoulder and hugs her tightly#and the way Daniel laughs so happily and loudly everyone can hear her#and suddenly Kelly realises she had been wrong and Daniel was a threat#and basically gives Max an ultimate to choose one of them and stop all contact with the other#somehow Daniel finds out and just locks herself away from the world during summer break because it's not even a question who max will pick#and their story ends with Max knocking on her door with looking annoyed with a bunch of drooping flowers#and before Daniel can even say anything he's stepping into her apartment and getting a vase from her cupboard#while complaining about how he ordered the flowers that morning but the florist fucked up his order and of course the flourists in the#Netherlands are much better and soon he will take Daniel there and pick proper flowers like tulips for her#she stares at him in pure disbelief and then starts to laugh. and Max looks over and laughs too and they're still smiling when they kiss#:)))))#apologies but I'm a sucker for a soppy cliched ending lol
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Day 165 | id in alt
I wasn't even gonna begin to draw panda so like imagine him looking like a wet dog and yeah that's it.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#zenin maki#inumaki toge#mutual had so deal with me tweaking out bad and brain dumping in the dms over Kugisaki again#this shit so serious#BUT ALSO THIS YURI IS SO FUCKING SERIOUS IM ACTUALLY EATING ROCKS#EVERYTHING SERIOUS IM#theres too many people that say Kugisaki's only purpose was to die againn man when can i live#ANYWAY BACK ON TRACK#i think vivinos should magnify my brain and figure out whats in there#i dont think its normal to take something and flip it so many times it turns into a red stain#i might Stare at disco Elysium again i love wordplay#Kugisaki likes panda i fucking guess(pained me to type that#but Kugisaki cannot take panda out while shes shopping thats a whole death sentence#i need to dabble with my Kugisaki again#im feeling bigger eyebrows because its a deranged feeling
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hi it's the uh. telepathic propaganda anon. went on a nurse robot type t rabbit hole and apparently she uh. has asmr videos?
https://youtu.be/aI3ubfIgaQk?si=I3o3t0AgRxk_fE_j
https://youtu.be/cDIuaV6V7go?si=2oZVhk16gftbJyc3
https://youtu.be/LevBYbWRLS4?si=uF2sgswRMCQ4MycZ
these are the ones that i found. dunno just thought it'd be interesting
HGELP IKM FUCKNG CRY)NG
#asks#THIS WAS THE FIRST FUCKING THING I SAW WHEN I WOKE UP AND IM DEAD#I KNEW ABOUT THOSE FOR A WHILE BUT IT WILL FOREVER NOT MAKE ME LAUGH#LIKE. holy shit i remember going in a rabbit hole too and#i found this fucking video of nurse robot type t singing chug jug with you#and the whole description was just talking about how they wish she was real or something#and that her stare is ALLURING#I WILL FOREVER REMEMBER THAT#i'm so sorr. i'm so sorry everyone in thsi blog lives with the knowledge that#nurse robot type t asmr exists and it's fucking funny as shit to me i'm so sorry😭😭😭😭
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To each of the prisoners: Define love.
To each of the guards: Define justice.
OH THIS ONE IS INTERESTING...
Akio: Do I have to answer this.. Why would you ask me that anyway? Is this because of the answer I gave during my second interrogation?.. Fine. I think love is.. Always staying by your lover's side. Never leaving them. Never betraying them. Always being honest with them. Being so loyal to them, you could die for them. Um.. Haha, so he never did any of those things..
Aimi: Hmm, I've never had a significant other, so it's hard to say, haha.. Well, I think love is when you two feel safe around each other! It's when you can trust your partner with anything and know that they won't break their promise and they won't leave you no matter what you do. And no matter what, they will never judge you. Ah, I think you can say the same about platonic and familial love too!
Shun: U-um.. Let's see.. Well, it's obviously going on dates and.. Uh.. Doing all the romantic stuff, y-you know?.. D-do I have to tell you all the details?.. Y-you're looking at me like I don't know anything about romance. And I do know about it, please believe me! I mean, I did have a girlfriend.. A-anyway, love is something that I will never be complete without. I need to be loved. It's like.. If I'm loved, it means someone in this world appreciates me, right? They would probably be sad if something happened to me..
Naomi: Um.. I never was that interested in romance, so I can't really- Hm? It doesn't have to be romantic? I see.. Well, I can't even tell you that much about platonic love.. I'm sorry, I'm really boring when it comes to that, haha. But if I had to think about it more.. Maybe it's when others don't expect anything from you? You can be anything you want to be and you're still wanted and appreciated.. It sounds nice when I think about it, actually.
Kei: Heyyyy, didn't you say that someone like me can't know anything about love? Haha, well, as I've said before, I believe that pain and love can't be separated. Why? The thing is, if someone puts you through so much pain every single day, but you still choose to stay with them and don't even think about leaving them.. Yeah, that's love to me. And if you truly love someone, you'll be okay with them hurting you in some way. That's what Mom used to say. And I love her. You love her too, Eiji. You've never even tried to run away, after all.
Eiko: You're probably not gonna believe me, but I actually wasn't interested in love at all until I.. well, met that guy. I thought it was just a stupid waste of time, just like friendship and all that stuff. But hey, of course I felt lonely. My relationships never had any meaning, the only somewhat deep relationship I have is the one with my dad. So, if you were to ask me about love.. I think love is when your relationship with someone has some kind of meaning. Maybe it makes you happy. Maybe it wants you to keep living. Maybe it makes you feel like you have some kind of purpose. You just know that if something happened to that person, you would feel like your life has become incomplete. That's love to me.
Asahi: E-eh?.. I know that I'm more mature than other kids, but like.. Ugh, fine. So, uh, I think love is when someone gives you everything you could ever want from them. N-no, I'm not just talking about food and toys and that stuff! Though that's also important, of course.. But like.. I-if you asked them for a hug, they'd be okay with it.. And if you asked them to spend time with you, they'd still agree even if they're busy.. A-anyway, I know I'll be popular when I grow up, but right now I don't care about all that. I just wanna have fun and I don't want to think about anything.. Uh, "serious".
Yurika: Your question is simple, so my answer will be the same. It's what I felt for my boss. S-she wasn't just a manager to me. She actually gave me a reason to live. She showed me that I still have worth even if I'm not that smart, not that hardworking and not that productive. She's not like my parents at all and those guys are rich, but still wanted me to work! H-huh?.. "Did you see your manager as your lover or your mother figure?".. Uh.. B-both?
Riku: Let me think.. Well, there's many different types of love, you know? I don't really know which one you want me to talk about.. Oh, so like, love in general? Um.. For some reason, it's still hard for me to think of an answer.. Maybe something like, even if you get sad or angry sometimes, they still understand you and still willing to listen to you? Like, they won't go "Come on, cheer up already!" Oh, also they respect your privacy and personal space, that one's important. Even if I love them, I don't want them to call me at 3 am and start telling me the tragic story of how their cat died when they were eight, thank you very much.. Y-yeah, that did happen to me once.
Reina: I don't know much about it, so I'm afraid my answer won't be that interesting. But maybe.. it's when someone still wants to be with you even if they've seen your worst qualities? No, I don't mean any of that "But I still find them beautiful" kind of stuff. That's actually kinda concerning. It's like, they won't leave you if they see you fighting with someone and yelling at them, but they also won't tell you that you were in the right for acting like that, if you really were in the wrong.
Eiji: It's when all sinners get what they deserve. They get the punishments that fit their sins and they have no choice but to accept it, meanwhile the innocent ones get to finally live a peaceful life. And before you ask me, no, nobody in this prison is innocent except me and Guard 002.
Miki: I'm not really as passionate about it as Eiji-san, but.. I think it's when people who did something bad without any reason and don't feel any remorse get.. I-I don't want to say "punished", but.. Basically, they're not able to do anything to the innocent people anymore. I want to believe that everyone in this prison is innocent and everyone had their own reasons and if it wasn't for those reasons, they would never kill anyone.. But I'm not so sure anymore. So if someone in this prison really is guilty.. I guess I'll have to make sure they don't hurt the innocent.
Hiyuu: I think it's when all people are treated as equals. Even if someone is guilty, I won't treat them like a villain. I will punish them, because that's my job as a guard, but it doesn't mean I genuinely want their life to get worse and it doesn't mean I want them to die. I just want them to see what will happen if they continue to act this way. Pain is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, so I believe that even if that someone really did something bad, they should be treated with respect if they're in pain. So you can trust me, my punishments won't be that bad, haha.
#*grabbing the mic* DON'T LISTEN TO HIYUU HIS PUNISHMENTS WILL BE BAD. THEY WILL BE BAD HE'S TRYING TO FOOL YOU- *i get taken away*#i can talk for hours about the expectations duo btw.#both of them are so terrifying and will only get worse in s3 but i also feel so bad for them#tune in for another episode of “sanada family love each other so much but their relationship is so SO TOXIC” <3#if you're wondering yes yurika has accidentally called takame mommy at least once.#imagine me sitting with dark circles under my eyes and staring into emptiness while typing#“nobody is innocent except me and guard 002”#eiji.. sweetie.. are you sure about that..#AND YES MIKI IS GROWING SHE'S FINALLY ACCEPTING THAT SOME PEOPLE NEED TO BE PUNISHED YIPPEE YIPPEE THIS WON'T GO WRONG AT ALL!!#❔answering asks ❔#👑prisoner 001: miyagawa akio👑#🌸prisoner 002: hanasaki aimi🌸#💔prisoner 003: ishizu shun 💔#🌿prisoner 004: chiba naomi🌿#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#💎prisoner 006: yoshioka eiko💎#🍬prisoner 007: yano asahi 🍬#🎀prisoner 008: maruyama yurika 🎀#🎸prisoner 009: kuroki riku 🎸#🎭prisoner 010: himura reina🎭#🗡️guard 001: sanada eiji 🗡️#🌼guard 002: andou miki 🌼
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#i dont have a good caption for this.#i'm just still laughing at the way Cookie kept glancing at me while attempting to chew on this thing#she had taken Stella's which is a harder chew of the same type. that Cookie definitely couldnt chew#so i gave Cookie one of the soft ones that Stella eats in like 15 minutes so she doesnt get them anymore.#but then Stella wasnt interested in her own treat anymore. and just. stared.#*new creative post tag here*
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hi im coteaching a collrge class rn like literally while im typing this (they are working in small groups rn) and i suck at teaching and i suck at doing mental math and i suck at throwing and catching the talking piece. awesomeeeeee 😻😻😻😻😻😻
#me: *gives an instrucgion* everyone: 😟😒🤨. but it’s fine. it has to be. i do want to scream though ♥️#purrs#ive been anxious and tired all day and class doesn’t end until 7 and then we have a scary meeting from 7-8 PMMMMM!!!!!!! so um i love#suffering. and also significant ppl are staring at me typing rn. kind of want to explode in my chair rn. but i will not ♥️ i can’t ♥️#i almost hit someone with the taking piece and then i missed it horribly and it flew into the door and another student had to pick it up#and give it to me while i was talking and then she joked that i wasn’t supposed to talk yet bc i didn’t have the talking piece. kmssssss lol#i love embarrassing myself <3 i love proving that i am an impostor <3 lole <3
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thinking abt magdalena again..
#magdalena is gioia is kat is NOT magdalena 🕴️#but idk. at the same time this is untrue. magdalena and kat are foils + while they have surface level similarities w gioia#gioia has lived twice as long as them and thus has.. a lot more life experience and fuckshit 🤼♀️#maggie keeps drifting away from her.. but she keeps drifting towards kat lol!!#i was staring at her in the sims yesterday trying to place what was uncanny about her and BRO 😭🥖#she and kat are the middle parted hair truthers.. I didn't think of it when i designed gioia bc i did not know kat existed#and i wanted her to be distant from the other lassies.. lady and kyrie have Bangs trish has the pushed back hair and lucia had the side part#oh and nico has the regular side part! so. the only thing left was the middle part..#in the grand scheme of things it is comical that she and kat‚ vergil's quasi-love interests‚ have that. AND the ambiguously danced around#troubling backstory... i talk a lot abt gioia's past bc it's important for me to understand it all.. but best believe she is keeping that#shit BURIED... 💝 she didn't want to be there when it was happening so why would she revisit it ur honor 😇 there are literally bigger fish#to fry..#not to have gioiamania on main but i love her.. she's saur momstyle lame.. 'nero did you see the fish they had at the markets! they were#thiiiiiis big! 😋' type beat..#sriracha.txt
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rant
(i havent overshared on here in a while and i think its about time i do that)
tw/ homophobia and transphobia
being queer in a rural area / area where theres not a lot out other gay people is really weird and really isolating.
yeah its the homophobes and terfs and people telling me about *how the gays are going to hell* and talking about us like we're subhuman without realizing im gay.
but its also the other gay people i've met.
theres this guy that ive been friends with for going on 11 years now (on and off) and he came out to me a year ago just by going "hey did you ever think that i might be gay" and i answered and that was that
months later i came out to him by telling him nonchalantly about my first girlfriend when i was like 13. he tells me about this girlfriend he had a few years prior. he then proceeds to go on this rant about how he's still "completely gay" thought since "she wasn't a real girl". and he goes on about how he thinks that if you date a trans person it automatically makes you pansexual since they "have the parts of a boy/girl even if they aren't one" (talking about how straight men cant date trans girls and still be straight and vise versa and how lesbians "cant" date trans girls and still call them lesbians)
last time i talked to him he was going on about "how women are nowadays" and calling them sluts and being really degrading.
There was a gay bi gender kid who rode my bus who constantly talked about the same stuff.
The first person I've ever came out to irl is one of my best friends recently told me she just "doesnt understand aromanticism" and doesnt think it's a real thing.
I came out to her as asexual about two years ago now and explained to her that i find a lot of aspects of my sexuality confusing but i still really wanted a label and she's the one who suggested i use the label 'queer'
but when i messaged her and told her that i also think im on the aromantic spectrum a few days ago she asked me to explain why and i sent her a whole essay explaining my experiences with romantic attraction for her to tell me she doesnt understand it and doesnt think that that makes me gay.
(like she's fine with asexuality but draws the line at aromanticism)
I also have this cousin whose a lesbian and only shows up like once every five years because of our family. but when she was home for christmas she and her sister went on a tirade about how being gay is fine but trans people are 'imposing on the community'.
i wasnt planning on coming out to her (i dont think ill ever come out to anyone in my family) but i was still sort of excited to see her because i havent talked to her since i came to terms with my sexuality and it just felt nice not being the only gay person in my family (even if i am closeted)
and its really isolating because this is my community. these are the people i have access to that have the most simular experiences and not one is fully accepting of other peoples identities.
every single gay friend i have that isnt aropohobic or transphobic or a misogynist (how tf are you going to be gay and sexist??? make it make sense) is online and my actual community is completely parasocial. i dont think thats healthy.
#tw homophobia#tw transphobia#arophobia#i have this one friend who doesnt know shit about the lgbt community#she doesnt understand sexuality#and shes like this with me being autistic too#like she doesnt understand it in the least bit but she does accept everything with it.#i have never talked to her about the specifics of my sexuality but i have made a backhanded comment about me being confused by it before#and she didnt address it for a while she just kind of dismissed it#but it got brought up really casually in conversation like a month later#idk how to explain it but thats just like what happened#i think she had an 'expirimenting phase' when we were like 12#but nothing came of it#anywho#i think its really disappointing that the only person i can rely on to not invalidate my sexuality or anyone elses for that matter#doesnt know anything about sexuality#like you would think that the people who go through the same type of unacceptance would be more willing to understand and accept people#but apparently not#if i mentioned anything about asexuality or aromanticism to this one friend she would stare at me like a dear and headlights#i know for a fact shes never heard those terms before#but if id explain them to her she would just be like 'oh okay' and not think more about it
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“if you don’t have anything good to say, ✨don’t say anything✨” is my life’s motto, after all~
#my specialty is keeping my opinions to myself… all while silently judging you to your faces#it’s a skill i learned from my mother… though she’s also a hypocrite who judges you with the people she’s with. thanks for the life lesson 妈#i’ll only give my opinions when asked… or cry about it in the tags of my own posts bc i really like my echo chamber ok#(…though it’s also bc i have actually contributed to misinformation in the past… [stares at my sh*n j*da* tl])#i’d like nothing more for that nonsense to get buried under my old posts but the lyrics vid that used my tl has over 100k views now and—#[buries face in hands] i would like to sincerely apologise to everyone who has had the misfortune of seeing that horrible tl#i mean!!!! i literally forgot that the word ‘hoarse’ exists!! that’s why that weirdass ‘till our throats burn dry’ even exists s o b s#and i also forgot to even type in some entire words and aaaaaaaaaaaaa#the cringe is real. s o b s. i’m so sorry for the misinformation#what brought this on? well… i’m just having my daily ✨quarter life crisis✨ wherein i’m struck by the realisation that i’m bad at everything#then i thought about my tls，which led to me thinking about my greatest tl failure (aside from my daikirai tl)…#…which naturally led to the thought of ‘oh crap i spread misinformation :(’，which led to… this#i swear i’m bad at everything aside from running sideways in crowded train stations… maybe my true talent was crabwalking all along…?#inedible blubbering
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living a ordinary life then remembering the way comic book illustrators draw women (bombastic side eye)
#criminal offensive side eye#even the animals my god#have you never seen a women#I know it’s been a thing for a while but I just started bothering me again#i was on the home wrecking app (twitter) and I saw megan being used as reference for starfire#my eyes lit up like a child I had loved it so much#then the rb had that actress from ted lasso I just stared in awe bc she is exactly how I imagine she hulk/she ra#while typing I thought about Dot from the wilds body type being exactly what I see Fiona from shrek looking like
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girl help i wanted to post more insane things but i am so slepy i can barely think.and what i can think is just yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah yoomtah
#i want her to rub my back and tell me how precious i am and how much she loves me while she cuddles me to sleep#And i want her to stare intensely at me through my window as i fall asleep then break in to take hundreds of pictures of me#and then she ties me up and kidnaps me in my sleep and once she has me in her room she places me on her bed and Then she cuddles me<3#tobi.txt#<-started falling asleepwhile typing this
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i love (love) (/not correct not sincere this is an untrue fact about myself) dissociating at band practice and then being expected to sing about wanting to kill myself it’s so fun
#fuck. like i’m the person writing these songs but they are not for these moments#catharsis is something you can experience while you have some semblance of a will to live. not when you are staring into space blankly#feeling like a broken person. and actually at that very moment wanting to die#anyway i’ll be okay. just got home. this mom and kid were in the elevator with me up to the apartment and the mom recognized my cello#(as being a cello i mean) and asked me about it and i told her i’m in a punk band about it and she said that’s the coolest thing#so that was good and cool. and they live on the third floor i live on the first so i might not see them again. but it was nice#and band was fine. and my band likes my song. but sometimes it actually is bad to sing about this stuff sometimes#(especially because it’s like. this particular song is also about. insecurities in relationship. and i’m able to play the song because i#don’t really feel those insecurities as much any more and i’m in a better place with regards to. not spiralling about being loved. however#that only applies to the relationship insecurities of that moment. when i was writing it. and i went a while without developing new ones#but now there’s a lot of irl friendships that feel as unstable as i felt at that time. and so now the song means something to me directly#and now it hurts again. and it’s not good. i’m like scared for certain people to ever hear it)#anyway my mom and little sister are actively waiting for me to come out of the bathroom where i sit typing this. and tell them how band was#and whatever i say will not involve any of these facts. but i sure have to go say it#so idk. i love you guys. struggling a bit. but i’ll be okay. scary current relationships mentioned = nobody here i feel pretty stable#i have built relationships that i feel confident about. with the most important people. and that is really good and i’m glad#there are other newer scarier relationships that i am going insane about. a teacher and two students and a coworker. wish me luck#anyway i have to go. but yeah. idk. i’m so tired. heading out now. be back in a bit#me. my post. mine.#delete later#suicide mention#ask to tag#vent cw#(kind of)#friends only
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SPOILERS FOR THE GLORY IN THE TAGS
#spoilers#the glory spoilers#idek if enough people know about this show to warrant the spoiler tags but oh well#god. GOD THE FUCKING METAPHORS#DONG EUN TELLING YEO JEONG ABT HER PAST AND HIM SAYING ''ill do it. who should i kill first?''#AND THEN HE GOES TO FIX HER BUTTON AND HE RIPS IT OFF OF HIS OWN SLEEVE LIKE ITS NOTHING#GODD THE METAPHORS#I will destroy myself to sew you back together I will be a vessel for your vengeance I will ruin myself so you might start over again#im literally typing these SECONDS after he ripped that button off so maybe he isn't actually that into it#but god GODDDDD I HOPE HE BECOMES CRAZY#he wants her approval so badly he would kill for her. and he will. gladly. happily#GOD THEY'RE SO FUCKED UP#also dong eun seducing do yeong by being absolutely kick ass at go is so so funny to me#having evil intentions and a rich old man so helplessly wrapped around her finger is so so hot of her#anyways. everyone in this show is fucked up and i will be disappointed if the ending isn't as bloody as im expecting#GODDDDDDD THE METAPHORS THOUGH I. AHXGJSKANSHS#also the way dong eun can only stare while she's being treated nicely. girl i hope you have a happy ending#also btw i haven't finished the show yet so idk if do yeong is like an asshole or not#but if he wants to remarry i am available and very interested#sir i may have zero dollars to my name and be fat and ugly and have no redeeming qualities#but you have a lot of money to give and i would love to receive it xoxo#JAGSHJZJAKAJAJ#edit: ''ill happily be your executioner'' I NEED A PIECE OF LEATHER TO BITE DOWN ON AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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hello tumblr have a picture of our #ally cat being comfy on our trans flag
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//RUINED KING AU CONTENT//
small extension to the school roadtrip 'let the autocorrect finish the sentence' based on a chat i had with my friends back in highschool. Im going to traslate these, they are originally in spanish but i will not correct the grammar... it's needed to look wonky and nonsensical. everytime i look into this chat i end up wheezing because we were slightly younger but definetly more stupid. DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING SAID SERIOUSLY its literally keyboard gibberish.
sentence base is 'HAHAHA'
Sarah: HAHAHA and me to the best
Illaoi: HAHAHA no what i meant is that i dont explain myself with that i have and i like girls.
Pyke: HAHAHA cool and nobody cares
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sentence base is 'Illaoi'
Braum: Illaoi and i good as always as good as good as good as good as good good good good good good good good good
Ahri: Illaoi and to be honest my hair is marbelous right now AHHH hope i die let me know if you have any questions.
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sentence base is 'Pyke'
Sarah: Pyke according to what happened that i forgot.
Yasuo: Pyke i adore you so much hope you love me HAHAHAHA so sad.
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sentence base is: 'im going to get'
Braum: Im going to get a greeting and a lot of blessings.
Ahri: Im going to get it with Yasuo fuck so good the milk the future of you.
Illaoi: Im going to get the bull and honestly i dont remember much about life.
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sentence base is: 'you're touching my'
Pyke: You're touching my balls and im sending the bill that i made the last two times we have been seing each other.
Yasuo: You're touching my piano.
Sarah: You're toching my everything.
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sentence base is: 'Maokai' (Originally this had the name of one of our teachers)
Ahri: Maokai come by you're free to come truly marvelous.
Braum: Maokai told me i dont remember.
Yasuo: Maokai and Ivern is salaam Tanzania Thailand and Vietnam.
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sentence base is: 'i like potatoes'
Braum: I like potatoes but they didnt tell me they didnt arrive
Pyke: I like potatoes and things i cannot understand.
Illaoi: I like potatoes fried and fruit salad and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit and vegetables and fruit.
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sentence base is: 'Rosalía' (i dont listen to her music that much but queen <3) ((Originally we meant the singer but sometimes the keyboard understood Rosalia De Castro, a recognizible poet and writer in spanish history))
Illaoi: Rosalía De Castro told me i dont remember about life.
Yasuo: Rosalía from XXI scared me away from home and i dont kow what a birthday is.
Ahri: Rosalía they told me that she isnt that precious.
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sentence base is: 'I got on'
Yasuo: I got on my bed with my acoustic guitar to the disco and i hope she likes Code Lyoko.
Pyke: I got on a locker.
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sentence base is: 'Yasuo's ass'
Ahri: Yasuo's ass is the reciever of this message please.
Braum: Yasuo's ass please dont feel bad i love you so so much okay
Sarah: Yasuo's ass because i pretended a lot of things.
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sentence base is: 'Hello life'
Ahri: Hello life tell me how's the world i miss you so much my little one you're going on a vacation i miss your stuff and i miss you my love you're the only thing my love i like you so much and i adore you okay
Illaoi: Hello life i've been overthinking in my opinion world is a bit weird but you know i like women and that.
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sentence base is an old twitter meme, wich says: Im (Y/N) god/godess of (keyboard predict), bearer of (keyboard predict). Tremble because (keyboard predict).
Ahri: Im Ahri, godess of the Ionian university and bearer of the faculty. Tremble because i'd love to know how to make people not trouble each other.
Braum: Im Braum, god of life and bearer of life. Tremble becuase you should tell me if you forget about the budget.
Illaoi: Im Illaoi, goddess of the rest of men and bearer of the two women. Tremble cause its actually the same without you.
Pyke: Im Pyke, god of the classroom, bearer of the company. Tremble cause i dont care.
Sarah: Im Sarah Fortune, goddess of my bed and bearer of the sunrise. Tremble cause i dont like to go to parties.
Yasuo: Im Yasuo goddess of truth and bearer of universal knowledge. Tremble because i care about my life.
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sentence base is 'Braum's first kiss'.
Sarah: Braum first kiss was with everyone in life.
Pyke: Braum's first kiss was affectionate i got it dont worry girl
Ahri: Braum's first kiss was with a friend of his dad.
#while writing note: im in tears reading the actual groupchat#theres some more but is 5:36 am#this is so funny for me and i know its not going to be funny to the rest of people but#we were in a bus roadtrip and we were like#randomly staring at each other like 'what the fuck' when a random name appeared#the little hints like ahri being randomly affectionate cause she normally types to yasuo#illaoi and miss fortune almost saying they like women in all the texts#pyke keyboard gibberish about braum kiss#its all connected in mysterious ways
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