rant

(i havent overshared on here in a while and i think its about time i do that)

tw/ homophobia and transphobia

being queer in a rural area / area where theres not a lot out other gay people is really weird and really isolating.

yeah its the homophobes and terfs and people telling me about *how the gays are going to hell* and talking about us like we're subhuman without realizing im gay.

but its also the other gay people i've met.

theres this guy that ive been friends with for going on 11 years now (on and off) and he came out to me a year ago just by going "hey did you ever think that i might be gay" and i answered and that was that

months later i came out to him by telling him nonchalantly about my first girlfriend when i was like 13. he tells me about this girlfriend he had a few years prior. he then proceeds to go on this rant about how he's still "completely gay" thought since "she wasn't a real girl". and he goes on about how he thinks that if you date a trans person it automatically makes you pansexual since they "have the parts of a boy/girl even if they aren't one" (talking about how straight men cant date trans girls and still be straight and vise versa and how lesbians "cant" date trans girls and still call them lesbians)

last time i talked to him he was going on about "how women are nowadays" and calling them sluts and being really degrading.

There was a gay bi gender kid who rode my bus who constantly talked about the same stuff.

The first person I've ever came out to irl is one of my best friends recently told me she just "doesnt understand aromanticism" and doesnt think it's a real thing.

I came out to her as asexual about two years ago now and explained to her that i find a lot of aspects of my sexuality confusing but i still really wanted a label and she's the one who suggested i use the label 'queer'

but when i messaged her and told her that i also think im on the aromantic spectrum a few days ago she asked me to explain why and i sent her a whole essay explaining my experiences with romantic attraction for her to tell me she doesnt understand it and doesnt think that that makes me gay.

(like she's fine with asexuality but draws the line at aromanticism)

I also have this cousin whose a lesbian and only shows up like once every five years because of our family. but when she was home for christmas she and her sister went on a tirade about how being gay is fine but trans people are 'imposing on the community'.

i wasnt planning on coming out to her (i dont think ill ever come out to anyone in my family) but i was still sort of excited to see her because i havent talked to her since i came to terms with my sexuality and it just felt nice not being the only gay person in my family (even if i am closeted)

and its really isolating because this is my community. these are the people i have access to that have the most simular experiences and not one is fully accepting of other peoples identities.

every single gay friend i have that isnt aropohobic or transphobic or a misogynist (how tf are you going to be gay and sexist??? make it make sense) is online and my actual community is completely parasocial. i dont think thats healthy.

the other thing baru is always doing is like . simultaneously forgetting everyone around her has personal motives of their own AND assuming motive as applied to herself where there isn't any, like 'why would they send me a person who resembles me complexion-wise for this task? are they trying to get on my good side?' like maybe it's just a coincidence. a lot of things are. but because she's so paranoid she's always reading into every little detail assuming it has relevance while at the exact same time missing relevant details because they have to do with things and people that are not her

god i am still so angry about ventique defending ugigiugi like fucking apollo are you that blind

yeah yeah they're your friend and you dont wanna see them getting "attacked" but if you really ARE someone's friend you wouldnt be afraid to call them out on their bullshit

and if they decide to unfriend you after that? then they weren't really your friend

an actual friend would try to become better once you showed them the error of their ways

a decent person would try to become better and give an actual apology for the things they've done or said and actually make an effort to make up for past mistakes

but no, all you did was throw a pathetic little tantrum at us while trying to defend a person whos actions arent even justifiable, and all she (ugigiugi) did was shift the blame on the people calling her out and playing the victim

calling us "embarrassing" and "pathetic", motherfucker you know whats embarrassing and pathetic? being an artist and supporting someone who TRACES art and puts it out calling it their own.

and you didnt even fucking do anything to address the damn situation and the plagiarism or provide proof that would render her innocent (which is a fucking lie btw) because you're so fucking busy defending someone who doesnt even deserve to be defended

to be honest i used to, keyword USED TO like your art i USED TO like seeing your posts but its always just malleus malleus malleus, malleus this, malleus that, malleus malleus malleus its so fucking TIRING and exhausting

your comics aren't even entertaining and the constant innuendoes arent even funny anymore with how overused they are

and the way you feel the need to relate every. fucking. THING. to malleus is soOOOOOO SICKENING its always just the same bullshit over and over, this little thing could be related to any character or NO character at all but its ALLLLWAYS MALLEUS MALLEUS MALLEUS its so fucking REPETITIVE and it doesnt even make SENSE anymore

and the way you keep fucking going and showing shit or dialogue from the game and going "malleyuu is canon!!" BITCH its NOT a FUCKING DATING. SIMULATOR.

its NOT an otome you ARENT supposed to date them you are FREE to SHIP THEM but dear GOD stop fucking INSISTING THAT YOUR GODDAMN SHIP IS FUCKING CANON AND GETTING MAD AND THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY DONT LIKE MALLEUS OR YOUR FUCKING SHIP

i cannot COUNT how many times ive seen you make a post with "malleus isnt overrated" HE IS YOU DUMBASS HES SO OVERLY GLORIFIED AND THE FANDOM WORSHIPS HIM LIKE AN IDOL GOOD FUCKING CHRIST WHY ARE YOU SO IN DENIAL

tl;dr: i fucking hate ventique and ugigiugi now ive had ENOUGH

im fucking tired

"trans people are only trans because of oppressive gender roles and if we just got rid of the gender roles nobody would be trans" might sound like a hot take, a thoughtful and compassionate take, but unfortunately it is ice cold and does not understand how being trans works at all. meet and talk to and listen to more trans people - preferably in real life - before making assertions like this, especially if you yourself are not trans.

Have some dinosaurs with cool ass identities for pride

I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

isn't it crazy how much discourse heartstopper generates when it's a show competing in the children's and family emmy awards

i saw people on tiktok bashing steve harrington for saying “i would date [robin]” in season 4. have any of you people ever talked to another human being before

i cannot emphasize enough that i ship bbrae in a very trans, very gay, very QUEER way and i just simply cannot relate to the 90% cishet content out there... like have fun but the vibes arent doin it for me most of the time!!!

their vibes are SO specific to me... and ive only encountered a very small handful of people that have had the same view of them ksjdksn....

the thing is. the morrigan love convo triggered right after we visited denerim for the first time & after dru reunited with gorim, so it’s so easy to read the dialogue as written as, like, morrigan freaking out seeing dru interacting with gorim & his new family and wondering if that’s what they expect from her. i love that! unspoken or unknown expectations are a very real source of tension for romantic/intimate relationships, and it makes further sense that morrigan wouldn’t know how to broach that issue without getting defensive, putting dru on edge, and getting into a big fight about it

but the thing is!! there needs to be space to grow and expand from there. time to follow-up for dru to say “listen we’re never going to lapse into idle reproductive domesticity because that’s not what i want and that’s not what you want and that’s not what our love has to look like” & i think morrigan would be so happy if she could outgrow this very narrow understanding of what love has to be

few things confuse me more than the people who just act like nep<>eq was like. portrayed positively

wait..... yall dont see Holly as ace/aro???

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

alectopause really making yall on yall idiot shit huh we really out here w the bad takes now