Doing silly things (drew for one of their fics again)
Minor(?) ieytd spoilers under the cut— mainly implied (it’s an au after the final mission but just in case, y’know?)
Thank you minecraft for coming in clutch for perspective, I don’t know what I’d do without you
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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You know Ghost has to be the best fucking pillow. He's a giant of a man, beefy and strong, with a nice warm layer of softness covering his muscles. He's a radiator of heat. Laying on the couch, can hardly fund one that's long enough his feet don't hang off the edge, you just want to drape yourself on top of him. Snoozing against his chest, your legs tangled with his, he drags his fingers up and down your spine soothing you deeper to sleep.
Sleep is so hard for Ghost to come by, but he's happy to be of service for you. And maybe he even finds himself dozing, his fingers trailing slower and slower until his head drops to the side, his eyes too heavy to keep open any longer. He naps on the couch with you, snoring as you raise and lower with each intake of breath into his barrel chest. Neither of you have ever been safer, neither of you less alone, neither of you have slept better than you do right now.
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Shieldmaiden of Rohan, and Lady of Ithilien; Warrior and Healer
Chamomile: Chamomile helps to improve sleep, reduce anxiety, hay fever, inflammation, muscle spasms, wounds, ulcers, digestive disorders, and rheumatic pain - Chamomile symbolizes joy, positivity, peace, grace, and good luck.
Calendula: Calendula treats burns, bruises, and cuts - Calendula symbolizes endurance (due to its long bloom time), joy, remembrance, and grief.
Lavender: Lavender helps with sleep, treats skin blemishes, relieves pain, reduces blood pressure, combats fungus growth, and promotes hair growth; Lavender symbolizes purity, devotion, serenity, and grace - the color purple is the color of royalty, elegance, refinement and luxury.
Taraxacum (dandelion): Taraxacum leaves are used to stimulate the appetit, help digestion, and help the immune system - Taraxacum symbolizes hope, strength, and transformation.
Eowyn lived in Ithilien with Faramir, who had been declared ruling Prince of the land, after the war of the ring, and dwelt together in the hills of Emyn Arnen, where she was known as both the Lady of Ithilien and Emyn Arnen, as well as Shieldmaiden of Rohan, and shield arm.
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