#she walked out of that room suspecting him due to Joker and then came back to a murder scene even if that was the metaverse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulmate-game · 3 years

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Well, here is the stupid thing I was alluding to. It’s mostly a filler chapter, but yeah.

Harley’s Plea for Help, Chapter 3

“Well, that took a while,” a relatively deep female voice smoothly drawled. The plants placed right next to the window pulled away, no longer blocking the pathway inside. The two figures who were perched right outside the windowsill took the invitation and climbed inside, the shorter of the two looking at the woman who had spoken and smiling widely.

“Auntie Ivy!” Marinette happily exclaimed, making the redhead across from her grin back.

“That’s me. It sure is nice to actually see you in person, little Marigold,” she held out her arms for a hug, which Marinette instantly ran in to accept. “Video calls are never quite enough, are they? You’re so tiny! Are you sure you eat alright?”

“Auntie Ivyyyyyy,” Marinette whined, knowing full well that Ivy was just teasing her.

“So, what took you all so long?” Ivy asked Red Hood, even as she kept her arms wrapped around her soon-to-be daughter in law. “Usually you bats are all about getting back on the streets to punch people, we didn’t think you’d be bringing her in at almost one in the morning.”

Hood shrugged, thumbs hooked in his pockets. “Your little garden fairy nearly gave us the slip. Went straight out the back exit instead of doin’ anything showy like we half expected and we almost missed her.”

“I stopped as soon as I noticed who they were, I swear!” Marinette pulled away from Ivy, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “I didn’t expect Momma to send them to babysit me before our first full day being in Gotham. In hindsight, though, I really should have.”

“Yeah, you should’ve,” Ivy agreed with a smirk, ruffling Marinette’s hair and making her pigtails go a little crooked. “And I know for a fact that you’ve done some stunts off your balcony back in Paris, so at least I know you can be responsible and hold yourself back from doing the same here. Must get that from me, because we both know it doesn’t come from Harley.”

Marinette and Hood both had to laugh at that. Being responsible was definitely not a trait that Marinette could have inherited from anybody in her family tree, that was for sure.

“Are ya makin’ fun of me in front of my daughter?” the comically scandalized voice announced the arrival of one Harley Quinn, who walked into the room in white onesie pajamas with a poker print on them. All of the “joker” cards were crossed out heavily with red sharpie, and a few of them had black-sharpie devil horns and handlebar mustaches vandalizing them. Marinette even caught one such card with a googly eye on it, the matching eye having fallen off and leaving only a small circle of since-dried hot glue where it used to be. “If you guys are gonna be that way, fine! Ivy dyes her hair!”

“No she doesn’t,” Marinette deadpanned, clearly fighting against a giant grin. The corners of her lips gave her away, they never stopped twitching with repressed mirth. “But you do. I got the pictures to prove—- aah!” Harley tackled her daughter to the ground, attacking her with tickles immediately.

“Take it back! My hair is naturally blond!”

“Yeah, naturally— hahahahaha! Sandy blonde! You— hahaha! Have just as much brown— stop I can’t breathe! hahahaha!— as yellow!”

“Hmph,” Harley finally backed off, crossing her eyes and looking away from Marinette with an exaggerated pout. “How dare you reveal my darkest secret?”

“I was a natural redhead even before I got my powers,” was all Ivy had to say, looking all too amused at this turn of events. “Your original costume completely covered your hair.”

“Don’t worry, Harley,” Red Hood butted in, reminding the three girls that he was still here. His tone suggested that he was definitely smiling under his helmet. “We found out about your hair dye years ago.”

“I just cover up the brown parts! It’s not like I’m changin’ much,” she argued before standing up again. “Thanks for gettin’ my cupcake back safely, little birdie. Oh, that's right! I made cupcakes! Hang on, lemme grab one for your trip back!” with that, she span on her heels and ran back further into the apartment. Marinette dashed over to Hood, immediately shoving him to the window.

“Quick, save yourself! Momma can’t bake for her life!” she whispered urgently. “I’ll say you were called away for an emergency, just hurry!”

“It’s not even a lie, getting away from Harley’s baking is an emergency,” Ivy agreed, waving as the vigilante took their advice and fled. It was only three seconds later that Harley slid back into the room, nearly falling due to the feet of her onesie having pretty much zero friction. Her face immediately fell when she saw that her victim was gone, leaving her standing there with a cupcake that was about twice as much frosting as actual cake, covered in sprinkles like a kid’s craft project that was smothered in glitter. The frosting was also shapeless, just heaped on the cake like a half-melted scoop of ice cream. She sighed in despair.

“There goes my chance of giving a bat diabetes. You guys warned him, didn’t ya?”

They both nodded shamelessly. “We’re not that cruel, Harley,” Ivy defended, getting up from her spot on her cushioned armchair and wrapping an arm around her fiance’s waist before she kissed the top of her head gently. “Hood got our little Marigold back safe and sound, and he’s even started a garden at his apartment. He doesn’t deserve to be poisoned by you.”

“I thought you said he got a single cactus at the flea market last month,” Harley deadpanned, making Ivy shrug.

“Might as well be a garden for him, and it’s something he’s not likely to kill so that’s a plus to me. He’s actually taking really good care of the little baby.”

“Speaking of garden!” Marinette gently took the sad excuse of a pastry away from her mom and sat it down on a side table before ushering both of them over to the living room and onto the sofa. “My garden back home is growing so big, I don’t think I can keep everything much longer. I barely have room to walk on the terrace, with all the vines and leaves and branches. Got any ideas of what I can do?”

“Of course! Do you have pictures, Marigold?”

—*—*—*—*—*

Slipping back through her hotel window at six in the morning was risky, since it involved climbing the wall and hoping nobody saw, but her classmates were so unpredictable that it was the only way she could be sure nobody would find out that she had violated curfew and snuck out. Of course, having Red Robin waiting outside her mom’s apartment’s terrace to escort her back helped. At least she knew that no street cams would record her comings or goings, and his grappling hook made the whole scale-the-hotel-wall business much more efficient.

Once she was inside, she sighed happily. “Thanks, now—“ her apology was cut off as Red Robin held up a finger to tell her to wait.

“Hold that thought, be right back. Don’t move.”

Thinking, rightfully, that something was wrong, Marinette obeyed. She watched Red Robin leap off of her hotel balcony and disappear into the streets. Immediately, she began a search to make sure her room had been left untampered— everything important had been packed in the backpack that she had taken to her mom’s place, but still. Could never be too careful. By the time she finished checking for bugs or any signs of snooping, Red Robin landed back on her balcony.

“Here we go.”

Turning to face him, Marinette opened her mouth to ask what the problem had been— only to tear up a little and walk over to the vigilante.

“Oh, my hero. Truly, my one and only savior. Knight in shining red Kevlar. I’m running on two hours of sleep and you have read my mind!” The pigtailed drama queen eagerly took the coffee that he offered her, and he sipped from a larger cup that looked like he had grabbed it from the same place. Marinette almost instantly sighed in gratitude when the hot drink lightly scalded her tongue. This. This was the elixir of life.

To his credit, Red Robin was able to restrain himself to merely an amused smirk. Probably because he was running on just as little sleep as she was. “Sorry it’s only a small, I figured it was best to have something you could finish quickly and easily hide the evidence for. If you need more caffeine, I happen to know that Wayne Enterprises has a very good coffee shop in their main hall. You’ll be touring there today, right?” He asked, taking another sip as he waited for the answer that he already knew.

Marinette nodded absently, drinking in the euphoria of her coffee as she tried to both savor it yet finish it as quickly as safely possible. When she came up for air, she said; “Yeah, that’s right. We’re touring Wayne Enterprises for most of the day, having lunch there, and leaving for dinner after the tour. Then we have a visit to the Gotham Museum of Fine Art, and we’ll stay there until about eight-thirty before heading back to the hotel.”

Red Robin nodded, then turned and looked out the window at the slowly rising sun. Sunrise was always a bit later in Gotham, partly because of the abundance of high-rises and partly because of the thick cloud cover and ever-present fog on the edges of the city making everything seem darker than it should have been. He had to be at work soon himself, which is why he had been chosen to escort her to the hotel in the first place, but that meant that he had to be heading off.

“Alright. We arranged for a bodyguard we trust to keep an eye on your class during the WE tour, but he doesn't know who you are or that we’re the ones who asked. We’re still in the process of arranging someone to shadow you after the tour, but we’ll tell you about that once it’s solidified. Until then, follow the usual self-defense procedures if you suspect anyone of following you. You have the panic button we gave you?”

Marinette nodded, gulping down the last of her coffee and carefully putting it in her room’s tiny trash can. “Got it. Thanks, again. Seriously,” she met his eyes— or, probably did since they were hidden behind that weird white film that the whole Batfam had covering the eyeholes of their masks. “I mean it. For listening to me, for listening to Mom. It means a lot. I’ll keep the panic button on me, and I’ll use it if I think I can’t handle a situation on my own. I’ll cooperate with the people you get to watch over the class, and I’ll do my best to not get into any trouble. No promises, but I’ll do my best,” she maintained eye contact until Red Robin nodded, hiding his expression behind his coffee cup. After a second, he cleared his throat.

“Well then. We’ll contact you once we have anything to say about your intel. Until then, I gotta go. And by the way?”

Marinette tilted her head curiously as Red Robin paused for just a moment on her balcony railing, aiming a smirk back at her. “Yeah?”

“Welcome to Gotham.”

And if she couldn’t help but smile widely as he grappled off into the fog-veiled sunrise? Well, only she had to know. She wasted no time closing and locking the glass balcony door, and pulling the curtains over it completely. Once that was done, she couldn’t help but do a little shimmy of Joy. She was caffeinated, she met Auntie Ivy in person for the first time, she got to sleep next to her momma— and she was in Gotham! Technically her hometown— or town she was conceived in? Didn’t matter. Point was, even with the chaos and dark energy clouding the very air, she couldn’t help but feel like she belonged in that city. Like that was where she was always meant to end up, where she could thrive and the environment that she was made to thrive in. The environment that she was born to start fixing.

She beamed at herself in her bathroom mirror as she gave herself one more once-over. Yeah, so far her visit to Gotham was going much better than she could have hoped. Now, she just had to make sure it stayed that way.

Three businesslike raps sounded against the door to her room, just in time for Marinette to feed Tikki one more cookie and straighten her purse on her shoulder. Madame Mendelieve’s voice called out from the other side of the door in her usual no-nonsense bark;

“Dupain-Cheng! Room check! It’s time to get up, we’re meeting down in the lobby in ten minutes.”

Marinette ran up to the door, not quite able to contain her energy, and swung it open with her trademark large, beaming smile.

“Way ahead of you, Madame Mendelieve!”

Her science teacher blinked, adjusting her glasses on her nose as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.

“Ah. You’re already awake and ready?”

Marinette giggled and nodded. “Yup! I was so excited for the tour that I could barely sleep! Does the hotel breakfast include free coffee?”

—*—*—*—*—*

The hotel breakfast did, in fact, include coffee. What it did not include, however, was free coffee that Marinette could reasonably stomach. Especially after the heaven in a cup that Red Robin had gotten for her earlier, the watered down motor oil in the hotel lobby had been unbearable. She had barely managed two sips before regretfully throwing the rest away. Which is what brought her to stand in line at the very same coffee shop that Red Robin had mentioned was in the main hall of Wayne Enterprises, as the rest of her class mingled and waited for their teachers to check their tour group in and their tour guide to arrive.

“Hmm. Sorry, this is my first time ordering here,” she apologized when she reached the counter, gaining a slight lopsided grin from the barista at the register. “Um, I usually like strong coffee, with a lot of caffeine, but I also like something sweet. I don’t need anything too complicated though, do you have any recommendations?”

The barista gave her a customer service smile that seemed just a tad softer at the edges than usual. “Sure! So, we can add an extra shot or two of espresso to any of our drinks, to make it stronger and give it an extra kick. If you’re looking for good sweet flavors, the classics are our white chocolate or caramel. But we also have a seasonal syrup right now that I personally love, which is our cinnamon butterscotch. Did you wanna try that?”

Marinette smiled widely. “That sounds delicious! Then, if I could have your largest size café latte, hot, with… two extra shots and that syrup? Does that sound good?”

The barista actually let loose a soft laugh, already keying in the order. “If you’re a coffee lover and a sweet tooth at the same time, then you’ll love it. If not, come back during your tour’s lunch break and I’ll make you something else.”

Marinette made a little more small talk as she handed over the proper cash for the order, and grabbed her drink after just another minute’s wait. She turned around, taking a sip of the unsurprisingly heavenly coffee and started off to join her class.

Only to realize none of them were where she had left them. She sighed, starting to reach into her purse to see if anyone had texted her about where they were going, but a heavy presence stopped her. She could feel him approaching from in front of her, slightly to her right, but she couldn’t hear him at all. On guard, she straightened up and turned to observe the potential threat.

A security guard. Marinette blinked, running over what she had been told earlier that morning. Was he..?

He seemed to notice her instinctually defensive posture because he raised his hands to show he meant no harm. “Sorry, didn’t mean to catch you off guard,” he apologized. “I’m the guard that was assigned to your tour group. I offered to stay behind until you got your coffee while the rest of your group went ahead and got the run-down on all the boring rules and whatnot of the tour. Figured you’d already know everything they had to say anyway, you’re the class president right?”

Marinette relaxed her posture, nodding and sending the man a relieved smile. “Yeah, that’s right. Well, that explains why they left without me then. Usually Madame Mendelieve is strict about following rules though, how’d you convince her to go on without me?”

The man chuckled, jerking his head to show that she should follow him as he began to lead the way to a side door. Marinette kept her guard up just in case, but wasn’t too worried. If nothing else, she was still in the middle of a super crowded building and the other security guards around didn’t seem concerned. She could easily yell for help if she needed to.

“Well, can’t you tell it was my devilish charm?” He teased, grinning. He waited until she rolled her eyes to continue; “but really, I’m like a second tour guide. She made me show a lotta proof that I’m actually assigned to you guys and not just faking it, not that I can blame her. Eventually she saw the logic in my suggestion and agreed. See, there they are,” he pointed casually ahead of them in the large side hallway they had entered. Sure enough, near the end of the hallway was her class at what looked to be the tail-end of a standard rules-and-guidelines speech from the tour guide. “By the way,” the guard spoke up again, holding his hand out. “My name’s Jason. You’ll be seeing me more often, since I’m supposed to guard you guys for all of your visits to the Tower. Call me if you need help with anything, ‘kay kid?”

Marinette grinned, now positive that this guy really was the guard that Red Robin had said was assigned to her class. She switched the hand she was holding her coffee in so that she could properly grab Jason’s hand for a shake.

“Got it, Monsieur Jason. Let’s both hope I don’t end up needing your help though, I think that would be easier on both of us,” she joked, earning a chuckle from the large man. And— yeah, now that she was relaxed, he really was big, wasn’t he? Then again, Marinette didn’t always realize when people were a bit larger or more buff than they should be. Living with her dad had seriously skewed her perception of the normal size of an adult male (which, she learned when she was seven, most definitely was not almost seven feet tall and muscled enough to make a pro wrestler jealous). But she would like to think she had gotten better in that aspect, and Jason was definitely a big guy. A little over six feet tall, she thought, and though the guard outfit hid a good portion of his physique, she could tell he carried enough muscle to do serious damage if he wanted to.

With a wave, she left him to join her class and sipped at her latte. She had figured that the Bat Clan’s criteria for civilians that they would put to guard her class had to be high, but now she had to wonder just how high. Most police officers or security guards were fit, sure, but not like Jason. Casting a quick glance back at him, she confirmed that he had quite a few faded but visible scars. Again, more than your average officer even for Gotham. Who had they tasked with her class’ safety, exactly?

An elbow in her side distracted her from her thoughts, forcing her to blink and stop her cup from going back to her lips. The grin of none other than Adrien Agreste greeted her when she snapped out of her own head long enough to pay attention to her surroundings. He jerked his head to indicate that the class was already starting to move off.

“Come on, Mari or you’ll get left behind again,” he teased. She grinned back at him, rolling her eyes but falling into step beside him as they followed at the back of their class. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were gonna marry that coffee. You haven’t zoned out that badly in years,” his tone was light and cheery, but Marinette didn’t miss the concern in his emerald eyes. She sighed, gently bumping her shoulders against his in silent reassurance.

“I’m fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night, that’s all. But this really is good coffee. Elixir of the gods,” then, just to provoke him, she took a giant gulp of the still steaming hot drink. Adrien grimaced in pained sympathy even though Marinette didn’t seem affected at all.

“Oww, Marineeeeeeeeeette,” he whined. “Don’t do that, my throat hurts just watching you guzzle hot coffee like that,” he complained, rubbing at his neck to make his point clear.

“Wimp,” she teased, unrepentant. Adrien just groaned dramatically.

“I’m not a wimp, you’re just concerningly used to burning your throat from the inside out,” he accused. “Anyway, how’d it go?” He was being deliberately vague, but it was obvious to her what he meant. He was only one she had told about visiting her mom, after all, just in case she needed a quick getaway.

In fact, he was the only one of her friends that she had even told about her biological parents. Alix knew too, but only because of time shenanigans. Marinette was fine with it now, but still.

“It went great,” she smiled widely at him, keeping her voice low but casual. “If I have a chance, I’ll introduce you sometime during the trip. I have a feeling you’ll love Auntie Selina, but I have to meet her first. All I have so far are stories.”

“Fair enough,” Adrien agreed easily. “But you don’t have to, you know that right? I’d love to meet your family, but I’m also fine just being your pseudo-brother like I have been up until now. I know it might be a bit… uncomfortable, for you.”

“Nah,” Marinette shrugged. “Nerve wracking, maybe. But that’s also about half the things that I do in my life period, anxiety is no joke. I’ll catastrophize for a while, but I know you’ll love them and they’ll love you.”

“Sounds like they have paw-some taste,” he didn’t even miss a beat with his puns, earning a playful glare for his efforts.

“Never mind. You’re a heathen. Disowned. Who are you?”

“Mariiiiii,” he whined, causing them both to laugh for a while before focusing on the tour.

So far, so good, Marinette thought.

—*—*—*—*—*

Part 1 Part 2

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#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #soulmate-game #marinette x damian #damian x marinette #damimari #dc x miraculous #dc x mlb #bio!mom harley quinn #eventual daminette #probably #daminette #platonic jasonette #platonic timinette #platonic timari #platonic dickinette #platonic brucinette #Joker can choke on a cactus

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diyunho · 5 years

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The Joker x Reader- “The Bionic Woman”

The Joker’s son has a new obsession: his father’s much younger girlfriend. What started as an innocent crush is quickly escalating to a full blown fixation, especially since Alexis decided that if he can’t have Y/N, The King of Gotham shouldn’t either.

“Y/N…” Alexis gently taps your shoulder, smiling as soon as you open your eyes, “… breakfast is here.”

Even if you hear the shower and know he’s already up, you still turn towards The Joker’s side of the bed, stretching.

“Mooorning,” the sleepy Y/N hums. “I’ll jump in the shower too and we’ll be downstairs shortly, alright? You can start without us.”

“I’ll wait,” the 20 year old informs, watching his father’s girlfriend pulling down on her cute tank top before getting out of bed. The matching shorts makes her long legs stand out and he just can’t help it:

“Hey, when are you going to take a shower with me?”

The disapproving stare you give while heading into the bathroom makes the young man lift his hands up in surrender.

“Sorry! Sorry, bad joke. Ummm… but should I still hope though?”

You keep walking, uttering the perfect answer for his insistence:

“I wouldn’t bet any money on it!” you scoff and he laughs, the fake grin disappearing as the door is slammed.

“I got shampoo in my eyes,” J growls because Y/N’s words made him aware she’s there also. “What are you betting on?” he keeps on rinsing all the bubbles clouding his vision.

“Nothing really,” you take off your outfit in a hurry and slide the glass panel, sneaking in the shower by the King of Gotham. “Alexis came to say breakfast is here.”

“Oh goody, I’m kind of hungry,” he wickedly smirks when your fingers massage his hair until there is no more shampoo. “Did he run his mouth again?” The Joker asks and your silence is confirming the suspicion. “Are you going to trade me in for the younger model?” he slaps your butt to get a reaction and you snicker, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Naaaah, I like my old one,” the playful answer pleases him.

“Do ya’?” J glares at your boobs and you continue:

“What am I supposed to do with a kid? I need a real man, babe.”

“You sure do,” Y/N is slowly pushed against the back wall of the shower since he wants to add a bit of extra fun to his morning.

“The food will get cold,” you glide your hands down his wet body completely not giving a damn at this point though: feeling his soft skin and toned muscles makes you be up to whatever he desires.

“A quickie doesn’t take that long,” The Joker winks and leans over for a kiss, dodging your puckered lips in the next second. “Awww, not fast enough Pumpkin,” he teases and as revenge you grope him, knowing it will prompt retaliation. “Wanna play that game, hm?” J’s raspy voice gives you goosebumps as he lowers himself on his knees, satisfied when you let out a scream in anticipation. “Good lord, woman; I didn’t even do anything yet,” he gently sinks his teeth in your inner left thigh, purring louder when you squeal.

“I’m not a kid”, Alexis mumbles on the other side of the door because he’s been listening to the conversation going on in the shower. He softly punches the wood frame and Y/N’s increased moaning triggers him to finally exit the master bedroom at the mansion The Joker owns outside Gotham.

At least Alexis realizes he has to be careful after badly messing up three weeks ago: you are on speaking terms again and that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

It was Friday and J had to stay overnight at one of his clubs to wrap up a profitable deal with a new business partner. You were tired and decided to return to the mansion where out of boredom you had a few whiskey shots before going to sleep since there was nobody else around besides security patrolling the perimeter. Let’s just say they are not the most cheerful bunch…

At some point in the night, you sensed movement next to you and cuddled up to the body, assuming it was The Joker.

“I…I think I’m drunk babe,” your slurry speech made you giggle. “Wanna have fun?” and your hand went inside the boxers, immediately taken out by their owner. “That’s mean,” you admonished when you got squeezed in a tight embrace and felt your face kissed all over. “Such a tease,” you yawned and hugged the stubborn boyfriend. “And apparently a gentleman since you don’t want to take advantage of your tipsy girl,” the conclusion made the other party huff.

It was dark in the room and you wished you could have seen J’s face and how worked up he was by the closeness; you could tell anyway.

“Suffer in silence then,” you pouted and snuggled to his chest, definitely not suspicious about the episode because you had alcohol on board.

Next morning was a fiasco.

Something being abruptly swept from your arms made you open your eyes and saw The Joker dragging Alexis from under the purple sheets.

“What are you doing in my bed, hm?!”

J didn’t look happy and Alexis regained his balance, alarmed he got busted and stood there by the nightstand, intensely gazing at the carpet.

“What’s happening?” you got on your elbow, slightly dizzy from the hangover.

“Yeah, Alexis; what’s happening?” The Joker sneered and those fierce blue eyes made the young man confess:

“I…I was making sure she’s OK after she had a few drinks. I was nearby just in case…” the weird reason was stipulated and you interrupted.

“Babe, you didn’t sleep here?!” Y/N frowned as she asked her boyfriend.

“No, I was at the club all night; just got back!” The Joker informed and you darted out of bed, ignoring the splitting headache.

“How dare you?!” the slap landed on Alexis’s cheek before you finished the question. “I thought you were your father!”

J’s son didn’t argue because he wasn’t given a chance; the detail that stood out in his mind was the fact that his parent didn’t suspect Y/N of anything, not for a moment.

It was a certainty that The Clown Prince of Crime was a jealous individual. Probably an understatement, yet he didn’t hesitate to suspect his own flesh and blood rather than his woman. Which made Alexis nervous he might get in serious trouble.

“Listen here, you asshole!” you shouted. “I won’t tolerate this crap, do you understand?!”

“I swear I only wanted to make sure you don’t need anything after you had a few drinks…”

“And how do you know I had a few drinks?! I thought I was home alone! Unless you creeped around the house watching me and that’s not cool! And why didn’t you say a word once you came in the bedroom?!”

Damn, you caught on to that! He didn’t think you would have since you were inebriated…

“I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to be disrespectful…”

The Joker was annoyed but your tirade wasn’t over: based on previous behavior and evidence from past actions, it was clear he had a crush on you. So Y/N had to explain the best way she could:

“I love your father! HIM, not YOU! Frankly Alexis, I have a hard time even liking you these days!”

The 20 year old held in his breath, hurt by the bitter news: he kept on hoping you’ll switch your affection and give up on The Joker, yet his dream wasn’t becoming a reality. Not anytime soon. Maybe you required time to see he was a better, safer option?

The King of Gotham pretended not to be affected by your revelation; why would you mention something trivial as love anyway? It wasn’t part of the plan. The two of you only got together to aggravate Harvey Dent: J can’t stand your dad and you get a kick out of creating trouble. Your rebellion against the former politician doesn’t come out of hate; it randomly happens when he tries to be overprotective and you fight back.

A year and a half ago fighting back meant a date with The Joker that turned into a little bit more under the pretext of irritating Two Face. The truth is J looks great for being 47: he seems younger, kind of ageless due to his unconventional appearance after the Ace Chemicals incident; he’s intelligent, has a dope sense of fashion and to quote your own wisdom “the only one in town that can satisfy a woman.”

Yes, the 30 year old Y/N Dent could have chosen another boyfriend, but she actually stopped seeing other guys since she dated J. And for some strange motive, he stopped seeing other girls on the side too, all under the excuse of antagonizing The Coin Flipper (The Joker’s favorite nickname for your dad).

The supposedly pretend relationship progressed towards something else to the point of him going ballistic if anyone indicated anything about the age difference. Your favorite memory is when J lost it while you were at the hideout on Glisson Avenue. Y/N prepared to accompany The Joker for a gathering involving money laundering and got in the car first, when the unthinkable was implied:

“Oh, is your daughter coming also?” Max sarcastically inquired, believing it was hilarious to bring it up. New York’s gang third in rank doubted his stand-up comedy skills as soon as J’s grave voice snapped:

“My what??!!”

Max couldn’t fix the transgression and apologizing would have done nothing, especially since he got a bullet in his thick skull that halted any sounds before they came out.

“Anybody else that shares the same ideas?!” he addressed the crew and Frost replied for all of them:

“No, sir!”

“Get rid of the body!” J barked and got a kiss the second he was next to you in the back of the car.

“You didn’t have to do that; I really don’t care about a complete jerk’s opinion,” you whispered and J grouchily snarled.

“I do! I have a son; never had a daughter and I don’t want rumors about me sleeping around in my youth! Reputation is everything!” the wacky clarification made you smile.

You rested your head on his shoulder, wondering why you both went through so much trouble just to upset Harvey Dent.

*************

20 minutes went by and the couple still didn’t show up for breakfast. Alexis is rushing back upstairs to remind you and The Joker the food arrived; he’s straining to remain calm after you brushed him off again. It’s frustrating that Y/N doesn’t pay attention to his charms and fancies his father instead of the obvious, more convenient solution.

The door to the master bedroom is cracked and Alexis peeks inside: you are trapped under The Joker on your tummy while he keeps nipping and biting his way down your back.

“You know what would make that old gizzard lose his marbles?” he sucks on your soft skin, leaving a lovely hickey on your right hip.

“Please don’t call my dad a gizzard,” Y/N snorts, amused at the moniker nevertheless.

Your boyfriend ignores the complaint and his over the top proposal comes without any warning:

“If we get married, he would have a heart attack and die. That sounds amazing, doesn’t it?”

You roll on your back, not certain if you heard correctly.

“And if we had a baby, we can basically buy his casket. I mean, that would kill him for sure!” the delighted green haired pest rambles on. “Silver coffin goes best with his skin tone, we could preorder tomorrow. ... … … … Why are you so quiet?”

“Are you… are you asking me to marry you?!...”

“Evidently. Of course I have to underline it’s for exasperating that old fart. Nothing else.”

“Of course…” you sniffle and The Joker buries his face in your neck, waiting.

“So… yes?”

He feels a faint movement and sighs:

“Are you crying?”

“N-no…”

“Liar,” he lifts his head up to look at your teary eyes. “You’re reading too much into this; the sole purpose is to annoy Harvey.”

Alexis is listening at the door, his fists so tight the nails are cutting the flesh. The young man’s ears are ringing and he can’t stand watching his father making out with Y/N, definitely about to have sex again.

And that’s when the diabolical intention takes shape in his brain: if he can’t have Y/N, The Joker shouldn’t either.

*************

1 hour later

J is entering the kitchen, aiming for the coffee first. As he pours the hot liquid in a cup, his son nonchalantly interrogates:

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Skipping breakfast; she’s going to visit Dent and give him some important information,” the elusive description infuriates Alexis because his father is not saying anything about proposing to his girlfriend.

“Why do you always have to win?” he resentfully mutters and J suddenly pays attention to his offspring.

“Huh?!”

“Do you think it’s cool parading around with something that should be mine?!” Alexis yells, shaking from the outrage he can’t control. “I won’t let you have her!! You can’t have her!! She’s mine!!”

The Joker slams the cup on the counter, angrily directing his suspicion towards an envious son:

“What the fuck did you do?!”

************

You barely backed out of the parking lot and drove a few feet when your cell phone rings.

“Hi babe,” you slide the screen, steadily driving on the paved alley.

“Get out of the car!!!” The Joker shrieks and you defend the decision you both agreed upon minutes earlier:

“I’ll return shorty, ok? I’ll tell my dad and…”

“Alexis rigged the car! There’s a bomb inside, it’ll explode soon!! GET OUT!!!”

“Oh my God!” you slam the breaks and flee the vehicle in a hurry, panicked.

As The Joker is running out of the mansion followed by a few henchmen, the loud explosion throws Y/N to the ground; debris fly all over the place and a few hit the collapsed body.

The small group reaches you and they are not sure if you’re still alive: there’s a lot of smoke, rubble and ashes around the unconscious woman.

“Hey Y/N, wake up!” J kneels by your head, attempting to wipe the soot on your cheeks.

“Help me with this!” Frost commands the others and the hood is lifted off your feet, everyone present freezing at the bloody mess concealed under the heavy piece of metal: your left leg is severed from below the knee, bone shards sticking out of the punctured skin.

“I need a doctor!” The Joker shouts and Richard is already dialing the number on his phone. “Somebody call Dent!” he orders and cups your face, worried about the serious condition you’re in. “Y/N, can you hear me?”

No answer and no movement.

The crew doesn’t even pay attention to Alexis, too absorbed wrapping Jonny’s jacket around the amputated leg. He silently watches everything, shocked to assess the aftermath of his actions.

“I didn’t mean to do this…” he pulls on his hair, terrified at the frightening view. “I swear I didn’t mean to…”

“GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!” The Joker finally notices the young man’s presence, returning to his task of trying to wake you up.

Two goons drag him away against his will while he keeps bawling and shouting:

“Dad, I didn’t mean to! Please, I didn’t mean to!!! Daaad!!!!”

***************

5 days afterwards

“I’m here to see Y/N,” J straightens his shoulder in front of Harvey.

“I already told you she’s not doing well enough to receive visitors,” Two Face grinds his teeth and the men standing behind are making sure to block the entrance.

The fact is J wasn’t stopped from coming into the property, but he was denied access to see you for the past two days since you were brought to your father’s villa.

“I want to see my girlfriend!” The Joker reiterates and his own team is prepared to intervene if the boss decides to fight his way in.

“You have such a nerve showing up here again!” Dent brings up what’s been eating him inside and lashes out: “Your son crippled my daughter! Or was it you and blamed another in order to cover your tracks?!”

“I had nothing to do with it!” J defends himself and his threatening demeanor alerts Frost his employer is about to snap. “Alexis doesn’t live with me anymore; he’s on the other side of town, constantly under surveillance. Understand?! So get the hell out of my way!”

“Don’t you have any respect for the state she’s in?!” your parent changes tune. ”Y/N needs to rest!”

The Joker exhales and glances at the second floor where he knows your room is, electing to force his luck.

“Fine, I’ll be back tomorrow! Got it?” his finger goes under Harvey’s nose, then turns around and walks away in front of his goons. “Hold my coat,” J takes off the purple garment and shoves it in Frost’s hands, speeding towards the building.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Harvey screams although he guessed The Clown’s intention: J is climbing the decorative ladder full of roses leading to your bedroom’s balcony and in a few moments he’s on the terrace, stumbling on the long curtains as he steps inside.

The room is converted into a medical ward, a bunch of supplies neatly organized on extra shelves needed for your special care. The Joker takes a sit on the side of the bed, watching the pale Y/N peacefully sleeping. The IV dripping pain medication and a mild sedative into your bloodstream makes a faint beeping sound each time 2 milligrams of liquid is released from the intravenous bag.

The thin blanket you’re covered with reveals your curves, making it obvious more than half of your left leg is gone.

The Joker pecks your forehead, hoping you’ll wake up before your father will barge in and kick him out.

“Sleepy head,” he takes the hand that’s not hooked to IV in his, gently massaging your fingers. “You have a visitor…” he smirks as soon as your eyes are narrowly opened.

“J…?” you try to concentrate, yet it’s almost impossible to verbalize your thoughts. “You … where…” the incoherence halts the sentence. “ Where were…you?”

“I was at the private clinic,” he justifies his absence. “Then Harvey brought you here; the damned Coin Flipper was a total dick and didn’t let me see you.”

“What did you just call me?!” Dent huffs because the compliment received as he opens the door to your room doesn’t strike his fancy. He wants to yank The Joker away but seeing his daughter starting to cry halts his movement and harsh words he’s about to spill out.

“I…I lost my… my leg…” you slowly blink and attempt to wipe your tears, not having too much coordination due to all the strong medications you’re taking.

J bends over and kisses you, willing to compromise for once.

“It’s alright, Pumpkin. We’ll get you another one, ok?”

You nod a yes and The King of Gotham shifts his head, gazing at his adversary.

“OK?”

Harvey stretches his facial scars in a vexed grimace, temporarily agreeing with The Joker for his daughter’s sake.

**************

After 4 months

“Ummm, I think I’m ready,” you nervously pull down on your short dress, emerging from the walk-in closet. It feels awkward because this is the first time going out after the incident; you wanted to cancel but J insisted you’re overdue for a date.

“There she is,” your boyfriend snickers and gestures for you to sit in his lap. The titanium prosthetic custom made for you lights up certain pressure points with each move you make, yet the unique design doesn’t necessarily mean a boost in confidence.

“Can we just order some sushi and spend the night home?” you beg and The Joker abruptly declines the suggestion:

“Nope, I already made reservations at our favorite restaurant and then we’ll go to one of my clubs.”

He digs in his suit’s pocket and takes out a small box, urging you to open it:

“For you to use,” he winks and you gulp, opening the extravagant container that reveals… fancy business cards engraved with words that make you laugh:

-- Bionic Woman

-- The Joker’s Fiancée

-- Future Mother Of His Baby

“Lemme clarify,” he points out at the first line. “Bionic Woman because you could literally pass as a superhero with superpowers with this amazing new leg of yours.”

You keep giggling and he continues: “The second one is pretty self-explanatory and the third… we have to work on.”

The happy look on your face gradually dies out.

“You know what the doctors told me,” you sadly smile. “After the complications from my… accident, there’s less than a 15% chance for me to get pregnant.”

“I can work with whatever percentage!” J boasts, not a fan of your mood switch. “I don’t want to brag, I’m a modest person,” he dramatically flares his arms, ”but I’m good at what I do, even if I’ll probably have to get into Pilates or something to up my game; but I bet you 10 million dollars I can make it happen! Unless you’re a chicken and don’t have the guts to bet.”

“Deal,” you hesitantly accept the offer, aware of J’s strategy.

“Oh, almost forgot,” he reaches the coffee table for another present wrapped up next to the laptop. “This is for us.”

You pull apart the shiny paper and burst out laughing again seeing the book presented as a gift: “Miller’s Funeral Home Casket Catalogue”.

“We have to make a decision for the old gizzard’s coffin because he will die for sure when we’ll announce our plans to get married.”

“Please don’t call my dad a gizzard,” you frown. “He’s only 8 years older than you.”

“Like I said: a goddamned old gizzard,” The Joker passes his fingers through his hair, slapping your side so you can get up. “Now that you have business cards to share and a good catalogue with stellar options, I think we should go eat. I’m starving,” he follows you towards the elevator at The Penthouse, fascinated with the prosthetic that is actually a work of art. You are able to wear your stilettos also and J pinches your butt, aroused.

“You know what your best superpower is?”

“No,” you grab his arm to make sure you’re not going to trip on the carpet.

“Annoying your dad! I mean, with our combined efforts, we can at least hope for a stroke before we even give him the final blow with the marriage news.”

You snicker at The Joker’s perfect scheme, wondering why you both go through so much trouble just to upset Harvey Dent.

Also read: MASTERLIST

diyunho(.)tumblr(.)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

You can also follow me on Tumblr and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker fanfiction #the joker jared leto #the joker imagine #the joker #joker #joker fanfiction #joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #joker suicide squad #harvey dent #mister j #Mistah J #Mr.J #dc #DC comics

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thebatfamhasaliabilityanditsme · 6 years

Text

So, since I’ve been here, they’ve finally begun to trust me enough that they will let Alfred leave the house. He’s been my constant babysitter, I suspect never more than ten feet away, even at my most intimate moments.

(A suspicion confirmed when I wondered aloud about Squatty Potties one morning, only to find one nestled beneath my toilet the next day. I choose to believe this is due to in-person, non-visual lurking and not a 24/7 live feed of my grunting face. Somehow, that seems more comforting. Anyways, back to the story.)

Of course, I’m not at the manor alone. Hey, baby steps. Bruce is working on something or other, above ground, in the study. I’m allowed to wander the house, but they still take extra precautions to prevent me from seeing the Batcave.

At some point mid-morning (vague estimates like this are part of the reason they don’t give me more responsibilities, I’m sure) the doorbell rang. Which is a little unusual. Usually if someone we don’t know visits, they use the intercom at the gate, and don’t make it past to the doorbell. If it is someone we know, they usually walk right in. I figured maybe someone needed help carrying something in.

Naïve.

I open the door and immediately start having a terrible flashback by proxy for Babs. Joker’s standing there (sans Hawaiian shirt, even though I can picture it so clearly) pointing a gun in my face (I can imagine the camera, but in this case the gun stands out a little more starkly). My heartrate skyrocketed and I lost track of my breathing. I’m pretty sure I instantly broke out in a sweat. Or at least I remember my hair being damp later.

My first impulse was to close the door, but I knew that wouldn’t work. There’s a story that goes with this too, but for the sake of plot flow, I think I’m going to just start adding appendices on this thing.

So. See Appendix A.

After an eternity, maybe just a couple of seconds, Joker rasped (See Appendix B) out, “Well, aren’t you going to ask me in?”

Lacking the ability to think of any better options, I opened the door the rest of the way. “Won’t you?”

“Why thank you.” He stepped over the threshold. He seemed alone. I couldn’t see anyone else, but I also couldn’t see a car out front. “I was expecting that prim British butler, but your manners are at least passing.” He spun around as I closed the door behind us, the gun waggling with a nonchalant threat. “May I ask after the master of the house?”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah, Bruce is right down here,” I half gestured in the direction of the study.

“Bruce!” he skipped over to my side, threw the gun from one hand to the other, elbowing me jokingly (but in the direction I gestured), “You’re certainly not that butler!” His voice dropped an octave to mock, “’Master Wayne this, Master Wayne that.’”

We started walking, and the silence hung too heavy on the air. I figured if I could at least keep him talking, Bruce might hear from around the corner and be able to react. “He’s not in today.”

Quick as a whip, the Joker quipped, “At the hairdresser’s then?” (See Appendix C)

And wouldn’t I be damned but I just about laughed out loud. As it was, a panicky smirk struggled on my face just long enough for him to see.

“Think that’s funny do you?” He threw the gun back into the hand closest to me and smacked the muzzle threateningly on my shoulder in cadence as he said, “They don’t call me the Joker for my impeccable sense of style.”

My eyes bobbed with the gun. Understanding his implication, I coughed out a weak chuckle, distinctly unlike the genuine laugh I had fought back a moment ago. He frowned.

We turned a corner. The study was just a few doors down this hallway. The doors were open. If I could get the Joker to talk loud enough, maybe-

“He’s in there, is he?” Joker dropped his voice to a whisper. Damn. “Well, once we’re there, you’ll be a good little maidservant and get his attention for me, won’t you?” The gun lifted from over my shoulder to touching my chin.

I just nodded.

We turned the corner into the open room. Bruce hadn’t heard us approach, hadn’t even heard the doorbell ring. Appendix D. He remained at the desk, shuffling through and examining a disarray of papers.

Joker stepped to be behind me. Yay human shield. He jabbed the gun into my back. Not too forceful, just a reminder. As if I’d forgotten.

I cleared my throat. Nothing. “Um, Bruce?” I heard my voice betray my fear with a squeak. Still nothing.

Now Joker jabbed the gun forcefully into my side. I jumped a little, raised my voice, “Bruce!”

Still. Nothing. Joker grabbed my shoulder, dug the gun into my side, and glared at me impatiently. I looked back with fear and confusion and apparently a little bit of “watch this” judging by the smile he gave me.

I inhaled deeply then let out a cry like a caribou calling for a mate, half leaning out of the Joker’s grasp.

“BUH-ROOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOSE!” Joker grabbed a knot of my hair firmly, yanking me upright as I finished shouting.

Bruce’s head jerked up from the table. (Appendix E.) His mouth set in a grim line.

Joker hissed in my ear, “Announce me.”

I tried to clear my throat, but all that came out was a weak little whimper, “Joker’s here to see you.”

The Joker let go and as I fell to the side, he simultaneously pistol-whipped me and said, “The Brit would have done it with more pomp.”

I hit the other side of my head on an end table on my way down and blacked out by the time I hit the floor.

----------

Appendix A: Jason’s Wild Ride

A couple of weeks ago, Jason got bombed off his ass. He entirely forgot that he had already announced his resurrection to Bruce and everybody, and in his inebriated state decided to do a shortcut version. In full Red Hood garb (the old one from storage with the musty blue jacket), he got on his motorcycle and just. Crashed. Through. The Front Door. Screaming “I’m back bitches!”. After fumbling for and dropping his gun a couple of times, Tim managed to peacefully disarm him. It went like this:

Tim: Uh, Jason?

Jason: Oh, hi Replacement!

Tim: Would you mind handing over your guns?

Jason: Y’know, I’m too sloshed to have these anyways. Take them.

When Jason woke up late the next evening, Bruce was LIVID. He all but dragged him down to the cave by his ear and made Jason go through firearms training again from Step One: don’t handle when drunk. Hungover is apparently okay.

I tried to ask Tim what got Jason so uncharacteristically blackout drunk in the first place. It wasn’t around any important dates I could remember. Tim just shrugged. He was either ignoring me, or didn’t know, or knew but didn’t trust me enough to tell me.

So! Not only did I 1- learn the original door was not reinforced in any way but also 2- witnessed the installation of a similarly “plain” wooden door in its place.

***

Appendix B: Rasped? Growled? Politely Queried?

What is up with that voice? It’s so haunting and familiarly unfamiliar. It’s halfway between “jovial pre-teen boy who’s voice is just beginning to crack” and “cynical 76 year old grandmother who’s been smoking since she developed the fine motor control necessary”. And yet neither. It’s something you can’t describe, can’t imagine, and then, once heard, want to forget.

***

Appendix C: Get it?

Because he’s bald?

…

I thought it was f*ckin hilarious.

***

Appendix D: WTF

Like seriously. What the ever-loving son of milk mold? BRUCE? OBLIVIOUS? Later, he said, no he REALLY hadn’t heard the doorbell and he REALLY hadn’t heard us approach. When I, and others, asked what he was doing, he just shut down and barked, “I was busy” at us.

F*cker.

“I WaS bUsY.”

***

Appendix E: Speedster’s POV

Bruce did not just “look up”. I feel like only a speedster would have been able to fully appreciate the range of reactions and emotions that passed over Bruce in that sharp half second. As is, I will imagine I am one and try to describe the details of his reaction, as I saw them. Also, as I’d like to interpret them.

First, when he registered me mid-cry, he closed his eyes and knit his brows. I’m fairly confident this was a “what is this liability on my house doing now”. Then, by the sheer power of eye-rolling, his head began to raise and he started to snap, “What”. If you’d have paused in that moment, it would have been glorious derp. I might draw it later.

As his eyes passed our lower half, he let just a shiver of confusion cross his face.

Then he registered who I was with and the hatred passed over him like a shadow. Just for a moment, the cowl was on. Just as quickly, the mask of Bruce returned. He settled on a concerned, indignant expression.

#fanfic #batfam fanfiction #batman #alfred pennyworth #joker #comedy #self insert #shameless self insert fanfic #home invasion #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #Barbara gordron #oracle #killing joke reference

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loyalisthounds-blog · 6 years

Text

The Upper Echelons

It was something of an ominous room.

A long table, dark wood, with the insignia of each echelon burnt into their place. Atop it, various devices, monitors, keypads. Despite its length, the table sat only five, the other chairs pushed to the edge of the room in neat fashion, an edge that gave an impressive view.

The Cabinet gathered at the centre of the City, in a room that watched it from every angle.

At the head of the table stood the Huntress. Eliza Jones, impeccable in form, who would always rather stand than sit. Hers was one she would not have chosen to fill, but with a noted absence as always someone had to step in.

“The broadcasts, then.” No sense with pre-amble. “I trust you’ve all read the current intel we have at hand.” A look to another at the table, an elderly gentlemen, strong-jawed with deep set eyes, nodding in turn as he lifted a hand. The monitors hummed to life, a projection of the building bombed in question, lines tracing through the floorplans. “The first incident. Suspect known as KILROY forced entry from the bottom floor” he began, slowly rising in turn. He flicked out a metallic pointer, using it to follow the lines, as though it made it more noteworthy. “Due to reallocating of military force, they were met with minimal force.” Photos slid into view from the scene, Loyalists knocked unconscious, Sniper units downed. “That, and they somehow managed to go undetected through most of the building.”

“Wasn’t that one of the broadcast centers highlighted at risk, Driscoll?” Asked one of the others. Unlike the head of Intel, her clothing was more civilian in nature, though still adorned with the regalia of their rank.

“....Yes...though it was on the lower end-” Driscoll began, before coughing. “In any case.” The floors cycled through until stopping a little above half way high, where the photos were dismissed for actual footage. It was distorted, obscured by smoke and shaky as anything, but a figure could be made out in the chaos, and a single glowing light. “It was on the ninth floor that they were finally detected. Guard forces attempted to apprehend the intruder, but found themselves overwhelmed by a singular individual.” His words dripped with disdain, gaze swung over to the Brigadier for a moment. She kept her trademark grin. “Met with unexpected force when already underpowered thanks to other’s intervention. They put up a valiant effort, considering the circumstances.” The words came easy, hands laid in her lap neatly.

“Nonetheless, they failed to stop the suspect. And so they reached the centre on the eleventh floor, and began their broadcast.”

“Not before the alarm was raised, and more men were sent to the area” the Brigadier countered. “One of which had noted a suspicious package on the suspect.”

“You were aware of the bomb threat?”

“Not until then. It was on the report I sent you, Driscoll.” She lifted her own copy, and then fanned it out to reveal other copies, which she handed about. “In case you lost track, however....” Driscoll grumbled under his breath, before turning back to the issue at hand. A flick of the wrist, and the details shrunk as another set of images arose. “Then, the second incident, one month later. Similar break and entry, though this time they seemed to gain access from part ways up the building.” A pause. “CCTV caught sight of a smaller detonation, and smoke obscured their entry, but inspection after the fact made it evident it was KILROY’s point of entry.”

“Surely CCTV should have noticed their entry into a building adjacent to a broadcast centre?” Eliza asked, tone biting. Driscoll cleared his throat.

“That falls under the remit of Infrastructure-” began, before the civilian-clad woman tsked.

“Keen to throw me under?” uttered with annoyance, before she slid a small card into the projection device.

A myriad of screens lit up about the current focus, cameras from the screens showing all angles on the day. “We’ve reviewed all the footage. The building in question is housing, home to approximately two hundred and fifty seven legal tenants, and a suspected seventy-three illegal. None of which were seen in that KILROY’s odd getup entering or leaving” she clarified, both hands pushed against the table.

Driscoll raised a brow, a hint of amusement dancing across his features before he brought himself back in line. “Yes, thank you. In any case, the scene was much the same on inspection, though we did start to have some interesting accounts from those injured.” His eyes hovered back to the Brigadier, briefly sharp to Joker besides.

The Brigadier simply smiled wider. “Yes, indeed. I went and talked to them each personally, to ensure that what was said was nothing but the truth.” Another set of papers was produced, handed to Joker to pass along. “A copy, for each of your records, but eyewitness testimony seems to show an odd quirk to our suspect’s means. Some were brought down via what they saw as modified Sniper unit fire, others were, ahem…” She picked up her own copy to read verbatim, “smashed about roughly with a shield until they lost consciousness.”

“So this KILROY’s a resourceful sort” another commented, a younger man with red hair and questioning eyes, sitting comfortably. “Does this mean they’re responsible for the missing shipments in the last months?” “Well, there’s certainly a high chance of that, yes” The Brigadier replied warmly, “considering the small scale of the thefts.” The papers were then tapped against the table. “But back to the point. Some were engaged differently, to quote, “A blur of green paint and red lights moved faster than we could fire.” “ She raised a brow. “Some even said the techniques mirrored some we train our own in.”

“Are you saying there’s a chance this KILROY is a traitor?” Eliza asked sharply. The Brigadier held back a snort.

“Surely that’s a given considering their actions?” she teased, earning an ireful look she paid no mind to. “But, in the context you mean, doubtful. Oh, there’s a chance it’s a late stage reject from the programme, but I highly doubt it’s actually one of our own. Why would they go out in our colours, and be so overt?” A small chuckle. “That would be foolish.”

Eliza gave the Brigadier a sidelong glance, clearly disapproving of her sense of humour, but found no other grounds for refute. “So, the second was much like the first. But what of the third?” Once more, Driscoll flicked his wrist, and all the pertinent information flew to the side as the latest incident flew into sight. The images taken from this one seemed much more high impact, the broadcast station heavily armoured. “Three weeks ago, one of the more central stations was broken into. Unlike the prior times, this entry was a lot quieter.” He paused, bringing up images that highlighted their entry point. “They entered through the ventilation, and only engaged those they had to.” He sighed. “Considering we were unable to discern their identity before, there’s a chance that several civilians spotted about the area could be the suspect in disguise. And due to the nature of our operations, it’s become common knowledge that such broadcast relays are being...bolstered, security-wise.”

“Mmmm, and yet they found a way to weasel in regardless” The Brigadier murmured, face part-obscured by a gloved hand, a smirk visible only to Joker. “Most unfortunate. Especially as they managed more than simple audio this time.”

Joker adjusted his own papers in front of his face and returned the grin. The only good part of these meetings was watching Driscoll sweat. Driscoll gave a grunting nod, and with another click the image was isolated. A blurry snapshot of an alleyway, a message written against the wall.

Albert the kid is ghosting.

Everyone glanced it again, before looking to Eliza. She was not amused. Her arms crossed, chin raised, eyes glaring bloody murder. Driscoll’s gaze dropped, and slowly all else’s did the same. Sans the Brigadier, of course. That obscured smile was now gone, her own eyes locked to that image.

“The kid is ghosting…” A frown grew. “Interesting choice of words.” “How is security for the broadcast centres at the moment?” Eliza asked, words biting. The Brigadier sighed. “Each now has a standing platoon at the ready, with Sniper units located about and within the facilities. They have orders to shoot on sight, as requested, but will attempt capture if viable.” “Make sure they prioritise neutralisation” was Eliza’s response to that. The Brigadier’s hand clenched, but she nodded. Then, to Joker. “As for the units. I’ll assume these are the most recently maintained ones we have, correct?”

Joker nodded, his gaze firmly on the Huntress. “Of course ma’am.” He ignored the rest of the room. He knew what they thought about him. And he didn’t care.

“I have the updated design specs here…” he said, passing another report along.

Eliza ignored it. She then looked to the lady in charge of Infrastructure, “And security camera coverage?” “All screens in the areas have already been updated to the swivelling mounts, as requested six months prior” she replied coolly, “with additional CCTV being put into place to supplement blind spots. This should be finalised within the week.” “You have two days.” “...With respect, that-” “Two days, Meridian.” The infrastructure Officer blinked, and then nodded. “Two days, then, though testing will need to occur afterwards.” “Good. I expect the report in four days.” “...Very well.” Eliza stood then, eyeing each in turn before her gaze fell heavy on Driscoll. “Have your men check every possible communication route this traitor could be using. See if we can figure out if anyone is feeding intel from the inside. If you do…” A glance to the Brigadier. “Have them delivered for questioning.” “But of course, Ma’am.”

“If anything else occurs, update me immediately. Until then.” She turned about, walking away. “Dismissed.” The others sat at that table until she had left, before Meridian stood. “Well. I’ll have to relay the rush order to the engineers, so unless anyone else has need of me I’ll be off right away.” A harsh glare to Driscoll, one the older man met in equal measure before slowly rising himself. “Yes yes, we’re all quite busy. I’ll run over the footage again, see if we can’t get a better lock on this KILROY’s features.” “Please, do your job Driscoll” The Brigadier mused, staring still at that image. “We’d all be thankful for it.” “Mind your tongue.” “Mmm? I’m sorry, what was that?” Driscoll huffed, his face turning read with annoyance as her eyes locked to him, that grin returned wide and threatening. He swallowed his pride, and stormed off, much to Meridian’s amusement. “Well, i’m glad one of us can make him act like that” she chuckled, raising a hand as she too left. “Let me know if I can assist, Brigadier. My regards to your men.” “Oh, and quite the same for you, Ma’am!” replied cheerily, as the red-haired man rose too, giving a respectful nod. Soon, it was only she and Joker left in that room, and she slumped back some in that seat.

“Quite the mess, isn’t it? She didn’t even stay to consider anything but the basic reports.”

Joker rolled his eyes and put his feet on the table. “I mean, did we expect anything else?” He grabbed his ‘report’ and tossed it to her. “This was just a bunch of junk. I didn’t even bring the real specs in here.” The Brigadier took the paper in hand, inspecting it. A single brow slowly raised, and once she glanced to the door she allowed her grin to unfurl in full display. “My my. How brazen….And yet, I can’t find myself wishing to raise a concern” spoken in heavily amused tone.

“I mean, if anyone would take the suggestions to upgrade the old design….” he muttered. “What’s it been, twenty plus years since this design hit the streets? Tech improves! We could be doing so much more but…” he threw a hand at the door. “You see how this goes.”

“Quite” she agreed, folding the paper neatly in half and tucking it under her arm. The smile remained, though her gaze returned to that projection. “Interesting choice, isn’t it? Of all the things to broadcast. One can’t help but wonder the message.”

Joker followed her gaze. “They’re being inflammatory. That’s been their entire M.O. I wouldn’t read too much into it.” He shrugged.

“Hm. You’re likely right” she murmured, giving it one last look over before disabling the console. The screens each flickered off in turn as she rose, breathing in. “Well. Mayhap if this escalates further we can get them to stop being stubborn, hmm?” commented as she walked towards the door herself.

Joker shrugged, pulling out a small metal flask and taking a sip from it. “Maybe. I mean, I already have a prototype all ready to go but…” he laughed. “Maybe someday we’ll actually get to make this damn city better.”

“That is the end goal, no?” she commented with a sigh, the room going dark as they left.

#jokerdotexe #brigadierinwaiting #protomen RP #Mixedverse #>//classified documentation

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kestrelsansjesses · 7 years

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Death’s Light/Free Fall 3

[[Summary: Thank you for patience. In this week’s installment of my disabled Shepard/Garrus fic, for Shakarian Sunday: Conversations with Joker and Thane, and an email from Garrus.

AO3]

The drell assassin Thane was another mystery, but it was one that Shepard found herself pleased to confront. His dossier hadn’t explained who he was at all, and as a result, he defied expectation in a way that brought her outside of herself, focusing on something and someone else as a pleasant change.

“I don’t trust him. He’s an assassin, Shepard,” Joker grumbled from the safety of the cockpit, shooting his remarks over his shoulder as he corrected their course by what seemed like inches, fingers moving swiftly over a nigh incomprehensible panel of lights and switches.

Rolling her eyes at Joker’s customary distrust, Shepard perched on a narrow bulkhead, trying to steady herself. Spending time with him had proved as therapeutic as anything else, perhaps because there were no questions asked. Joker didn’t ask how she was feeling, or how her physical therapy was going. He didn’t ask anything at all, unless it was related to the Normandy. Between ship and woman, she strongly suspected he would pick having the Normandy back any day, and it was a relief, to be honest with herself. That didn’t mean she had to take everything he said as gospel truth, though. “Calm down, Joker. He’s fine. I’m due to go have a conversation with him anyway.”

As she turned to leave, Joker turned the chair around to face her, face grave. “Commander, if there’s one thing you need to remember, it’s not to lick him.”

A momentous, weighty silence fell over them for a span of five seconds before Shepard burst out laughing, Joker’s face cracking a moment after hers. “What the hell does that even mean?” She had no plans to lick Thane, now or in the future, but she had to know what had inspired the comment in the first place.

“You haven’t seen the vids? I can pull one up right now-”

“A description is fine, Joker.”

“Drell-licking. It’s a thing in certain circles. Makes you high. You see colors that don’t even exist.” He sounded slightly wistful as he spoke.

Fascinated despite herself, Shepard asked, “what do the drell get out of it? Wait, no. Forget I asked that.” The expression on Joker’s face, a distinct leer, was answer enough. “Just get back to work.” She still had to go speak to Thane, and it was going to be impossible to do it without thinking about drell licking now. Thank you, Joker. A real asset to the team.

The sound of laughter followed her out of the room, face burning at the thought. A few moments in the hall and she had composed herself, spirits feeling considerably lighter than they had in weeks. It was strange how the pain seemed less now that she was happier. Or maybe it just didn’t bother her as much. Something to mention to Chakwas, though Shepard could picture the therapy that would be suggested after that. Probably something to do with laughter and watching funny vids. Not the worst idea in the world, actually.

Life support’s hum was a comforting reminder that all aboard the Normandy was well. Sometimes when Shepard turned her head and saw parts of the new ship that resembled the old, she remembered the crash, the flames and death. Here, the white noise drowned it all out so she was able to focus, as if she actually inhabited the current time and place instead of stuck adrift, just like her body had been in space. No. Stop that. She had come here to make sure Thane was comfortable and settling in, not to drown in self-pity.

Knocking on a bulkhead, she approached him cautiously. Thane’s hands were folded in prayer, head inclined, just as he had been on her previous visits, and he seemed to be in a trance. The minute she stepped within his cone of vision, however, he seemed to come awake, eyes following her, head slightly inclined as he invited her to stand and speak.

“Just wanted to see how you were doing.” The words were awkward, the same she refused to hear, laden with sympathy that seemed almost false, no matter how much she meant it. Things were so much more simple before she had the Normandy, and doubly so before she had died and come back.

“I am well, Shepard, but I have questions.” Questions she could deal with, and she let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. Ship specs and mission parameters filtered through her mind, organized into lists of importance and timing and what the Illusive Man was riding her ass about this week.

Nodding her head, she said, “I’m an open book.” It wasn’t anywhere close to the truth.

“When you died, what did you see? Was there a great sea, some beyond, or was there nothing at all?” His tone was so earnest, the possibilities so open.

She felt like lying. Thane was dying; it was a fact he had established early on, and one that wouldn’t change. He had no desire to do any of the things she would do, frantically clinging to life. His acceptance was inspiring even as it was confusing, but he needed this. He needed to know there was something beyond ragged gasps and a body that failed you a little bit more each day, and she couldn’t even give him that much. So much rested on Shepard’s shoulders, and she had failed so many people before, but she had never felt it as keenly as she felt it now.

“I didn’t see anything, Thane. It was just black, and then I woke back up.” There had been flashes of pain, distant voices, presumably all after she had been resurrected but was still kept in a coma. “But maybe it was because I was brought back. Maybe you can’t remember.” It was the only thing she could offer him.

Silence descended over the two of them, Thane bowing his head once again, a silent supplication that she didn’t interrupt. “That is good to know. I would like to gather my thoughts now. Thank you, my friend.” The dismissal wasn’t entirely unexpected, but as she walked out, Shepard let her hand rest on Thane’s shoulder for just a moment, giving it all she could. Even as she was about to leave the room, Joker’s conversation came back up, totally inappropriate, the humor mixing with the sorrow in a way that made her grimace strangely, glad that Thane couldn’t see it. Life continued on, didn’t it? You learned to laugh again, even when it wasn’t appropriate to laugh at all, because the alternative was so much worse.

Get yourself together, Shepard. Mentally scolding herself, she prepared to continue on with her day, only to have her omni-tool buzz. Urgent message coming in through email; hustling back to her room, she flicked it open, reading the same few words again and again.

I found Sidonis.

Her reply was of a similar length, a fire igniting in her that she couldn’t ignore, a desire to do something, anything to help Garrus. Especially for Garrus. She wanted to question it, but why not ride with the emotion for a while?

Let’s go get him.

#Shakarian #Mass Effect fanfiction #Mass Effect #Garrus #Shepard #Femshep #Garrus Vakarian #Mass Effect 2 #Mass Effect fan fiction #garrus x shepard #shepard x garrus #garrusxshepard #shepardxgarrus #turian

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grunge4losers · 7 years

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We Met at Midnight: Chapter 1

Staten Island, filled with noises you'd never hear anywhere else, scents you'd never really get used to even after years of living here, and people you'd never forget even though you only met once. Ah, yes. Staten Island, the "B-Side" of New York. You would never suspect that it could ever be so peaceful and yet at the same time it's chaotic. I suppose you'll find a way to relate to that anywhere, really. But, here, it's special because this is where we start our journey as we follow 6 people along with a few random blokes around as they start to see that the Big City isn't all that great...for some. Numb. That's an appropriate word for how Alice was feeling at the moment. She had just finished off a half bottle of Jack Daniel's as she stared at her laptop screen trying to get inspired. Usually when she had writer's block the alcohol would help get the words out. Her old friend, Max, had once suggested she take some kind of drug like Adderall. While it did help her get a few full chapters down, it was all complete rubbish. Some nonsense about a boy who turns into a dog at the first of every month to find a rabbit that stole his hat. Alice had been trying for a good hour to write at least a couple sentences. Her dead hazel eyes were now red around the pupil from staring at the screen for so long and they burned. She rubbed a hand along her face as she groaned. "Come on, man," Alice said to herself. "You got this, you got this," she continued to reassure herself although she knew it was all a lie. If writing is her passion, then why was it so difficult in these moments? All she wanted was to be like her favorite author, J. R. R. Tolkien. His stories and poems gave her so much happiness growing up. Alice Robinson is not ashamed of being a huge geek nor should she be. Her favorite poem of Tolkien's is 'To The Bottle I Go' as it practically describes her now. Her brain felt like it was cramping. "Oh, god," she whined as she screwed her eyes closed. The story she was currently working on was about zombie apocalypse in the late 20's. She got the idea while she watched her friend Joe play some video game that she hadn't cared to get the name of. The main character was a stay at home mom of twins. Her name was Dot Bethany Smith, married to Archie Martin Smith. Their children were James Alexander and Jonathan, "5 years old and just the sweetest boys anyone had ever known". Currently Alice was stuck halfway through the 5 chapter, right where one of the twins goes outside at night and see a zombie coming towards him. The author just couldn't think of what happened to the boy; Does he live or does he die? Alice decided that it was time to take a break. She saved the work and then shut her laptop, placing it on the table next to the couch. The brunette laid her head back on the cushion, taking in the comforting feeling. Almost as if on cue, her brother and their friends came inside. "Oh, shit...It's Friday," Alice laughed to herself. Every Friday they all met up to hang out just anywhere. It was usually just the 6 of them, sometimes one person wouldn't show up or someone knew joined. But in the end, it was always them against the world. James (or Murr) hopped over the couch and landed next to the only woman in the room. "Hey, Ali. You doing alright?" he asked with his sweet smile. She peeked one eye open and looked at him. Alice sat up straight and looked at him with both eyes now. She forced a smile and tried to make her hoarse voice sound somewhat decent by clearing her throat. "Oh, I'm doing just fine. Thanks...And, uh, how are you?" Murray eyed her suspiciously. Something was definitely off about her. I mean, sure they all knew about every single one of each other's quirks and all that, but this was different. "I, uh, I-I-I've been great. Yeah, the show just got renewed for a third season," he answered with a subtle proudness. You see, James, Joe, Sal, and Brian were all on a show called "Impractical Jokers" together where they made each other do embarrassing, but hilarious challenges. They both stood up and walked to kitchen, having enough of the awkward silence. There they saw all the guys. Joe, the blue eyed man who would do anything to make his friends laugh. Brian/Q, the long haired geek with big ol' heart and a hard shell. Sal, the stand up comedian with eyes you could get lost in for days. Charlie, a huge music fanatic with dreams of traveling the world, as well as Alice's twin brother. Then, there was Alice and Murr walking into the group. "Hey, Alice," Sal and Q said almost in unison. Alice giggled at the greeting(s). "Hey, guys," she waved. Alice stood next to Charlie, showing just how average her height really was despite the nickname "Shorty" from Sal. "So," Charlie started. "What, uh, what are we going to do?" He looked across the kitchen at Joe, then his sister as they are basically the leaders. The two gave each other a lost look. "Well, what do you think, Ali?" Joey asked. She shrugged, "I don't care, honestly. Just as long as we can all hang out. I-I really need to get out...so," she nervously chuckled. The past few days had been partly tough oh her, due to her losing her job having cutbacks she was fired on Monday, someone broke into her car Tuesday (thankfully nothing was stolen), and now today her story was what was bothering her. Honestly, all Alice needed was to get outside of the apartment and be around those who brought her joy and comfort. "Well, we could just go out to Central Park and people watch," Joe suggested. Brian and Alice laughed together at the thought of how creepy it sounds. "What?" Joe asked, making a hilarious confused face. After Brian sobered up, he just explained it seemed a bit awkward. "Well, what do you suggest?" he asked. Sal bounced lightly on his toes, showing his excitement. "Guys," he said in a whispered shout. They all looked at him- clearly he was stoned. "What is it, Ja'Crispy?" Murray asked him, giggling like a child. "Guys, we should go to the ice skating rink," he finished with child like glee. They all looked at each other in disbelief and astonishment. "NONE OF US KNOW HOW TO ICE SKATE!!" Joe shouted. They all laughed, and went on their way to the ice rink after all. They took Charlie's mint green Volkswagen Van that was (of course) covered in stickers. Technically, it was Alice's but she had her own small black 2012 Acura. As Charlie drove them, he nudged Murray who sat in the passenger seat with his elbow to get his attention. "What's up?" James asked. "Can you.. Can you pull out my gloves from the box by your feet, please?" "Sure." He handed him the gloves as Charlie parked van. "Thank you so much." He took the black fingerless gloves and slipped them on. The six friends exited the van, walking to the door that Brian held open for everyone. "Thank you, Q," Alice said with a sweet smile. He returned the smile. The group got their own skates, then made way to the ice rink. All of them had a difficult time- except for Murr. Sal grabbed on to Joe's whole arm, taking them both down. Q and Alice were holding on each other's arms for dear life, but eventually getting it. Charlie wasn't having a very difficult time, he just felt awkward because he noticed his ex girlfriend across the ice; with another man. Which was weird to him because they just broke up a day ago. Charlie shook his head to get out of his feeling and thoughts. Alice noticed her brother almost sulking about the outlines of the ice. "Hey, Q, I'm gonna go check on Charlie," she whispering in his ear. She moved away to leave. "O.K. Catch up with you later, then," he replied, touching her shoulder. Alice slowly skidded to a stop with a nervous look on her face since she was scared of falling down. "Char-Charlie," she gasped, out of breath. When she held on to his arm, Charlie snapped out of it. "What?" "What's wrong?" Alice asked concerned. Charlie looked over his twin's shoulder. That's when Alice followed suit. Suddenly, she knew. She turned back to Charlie. "Dude," she started, pulling him into a hug. "Do you want to leave?" "No," he answered. Charlie cleared his throat. "Yeah? Well, why don't you stay with me, then." The two agreed on it and went to catch up with the others. Brian was the first to notice the twins behind them. "Hey," he said, leaning down to Alice. She smiled up at him. "How is he?" Brian asked. "He's okay. Just saw an old ex here." At that, Brian lifted his eyebrows. "Wow." They all continued gliding across the slick ice, pushing each other around and laughing. Sal and Murr had challenged one another to see who could do the coolest tricks, while the others "judged" them. In the end, Murr won. The group returned the skates and left. Charlie drove again, James switched with Joe in the passenger seat. Q, Sal, and Alice sat in the second row, James in the very back. "You guys want to stop by Ronnie's?" Sal asked. Ronnie's is the dive bar that Charlie and Alice met Sal and Q together. After that Sal had invited the twins to a party in the hopes of hooking up with Alice. Instead, they ended up meeting the rest of the gang. That was college, now they just laugh about it. "I don't know, man," Joe started. "I'm not feeling it." "We could always just go to a drive through or something instead," Q suggested. Pretty much everyone agreed. Alice was the only one who hadn't answered, as she was lost in her thoughts. Sal nudged her with his elbow. "Hmm?" she mumbled. "White Castle sound alright?" he asked. The long haired brunette looked around at the guys. "Oh, uh, yeah. I'm not really hungry so it is all you guys." She smiled, but it was a dim smile. Charlie didn't need to see her eyes, he just needed to hear her voice to know something was wrong. Q noticed too.

#impractical jokers #Brian Quinn #joe gatto #sal vulcano #James s Murray #james murray #trutv #jokers #fanfic #ij #my oc #reblog #chapter 1

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letswatchwithlite · 4 years

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Killing Eve (Season 2)

Type: Series (2019)

Platform: BBC America

What is it about?

A cat-and-mouse game between a psychopathic assassin, Villanelle (played by Jodie Comer), and the agent tasked to hunt her down, Eve (played by Sandra Oh). It is a thriller that has it all: guns, kills, drama, even comedy, largey hinged on the dynamic of the relationship between the two main characters, whom are fueled by obsession with each other.

Should you watch it?

Yes - If you’ve never seen S1, but likes cop-and-bad-guy thrillers, or delving into the minds of psychopathic killers (althought I wouldn’t say Killing Eve dived too deep into that compared to shows like “Mindhunters”), or you love some good old spy-action series with a healthy dose of comedy that is not slapstick, WATCH IT!

Also watch it for the incredible acting chops of Ms. Jodie Comer, which deservedly landed her her Emmy and BAFTA wins for Best Actress. If she was very good in S1, her performance in S2 is on another level - she made a psychotic killer ALLURING!

No - While still a commendable season, and I’m not sure if it’s because Phoebe Waller-Bridge is no longer the lead writer for S2, but the quality of the season in terms of pacing & storyline did drop a bit. Fans of S1 who had placed extremely high hopes on S2, will likely be disappointed.

For non-fans who’ve never watched this series before, what are you waiting for? Go and watch S1 FIRST before you even touch this!

How long will it take?

There are 8 episodes in total, at about 40-45mins each.

Rating: 85/100

Ready to watch? Or perhaps not? Here’s where you’ll want to stop reading if you want to watch the series spoiler-free and come back later for the full review. If you just don’t care, or you’ve finished it, read on my friend!

FULL THOUGHTS (SPOILER ALERT)

The Good Ones

I thought they did a pretty good job of keeping the relationship dynamic between Eve and Villanelle and cranking it up a few notches in S2. The tension is crazily good! The other characters, particularly Carolyn (more meat this round) and Konstantin (a slightly subdued amount of appearances, but lights up the scene everytime he’s with Villanelle) makes decisions that have far more profound impact on the lives of both Eve & Villanelle compared to S1. Those came at a bit of a price though at the sake of Kenny, as we see a decreased role for him this season. Hopefully we can see more of him in the next!

1. Chemistry & Heightened Tension

If Villanelle was hesitative and shy about meeting Eve in S1, her obsession with her was blown fully open in S2. A testament to Jodie Comer’s innate ability to disappear 100% into her character (watch her interviews and be blown away), she portrays Villanelle so perfectly in all her emotional range that you can’t help but feel for her when she’s disappointed or sad about Eve; or laugh at her childlike, compulsive behaviours and deadpan remarks, or be scared of her in her killing mode because you can never be sure when she’s going to strike you down.

She’s not alone with her thoughts though - Eve can’t shake her mind off Villanelle as well. While Villanelle develops an unhealthy, one-sided relationship with Eve in her mind, Eve goes through her life feeling sorry about what she did to Villanelle in Paris at the end of S1. Her fascination of how Villanelle works and her determination to catch her seems to have faded away to a more personal level - she wants to know everything about her, and the thought of putting her behind bars seem to dissipate even more as the season goes on.

The buildup to both characters eventually meeting each other was done so well - it’s just like the first time they met in S1. Even watching them together one can feel the tension in the air, almost as if you’re in the room with them and you’re peeking at them from the shadows. The dialogue, their movements, all are executed so well, which is great because their chemistry and tension are what’s driving this series!

Does Eve harbour romantic feelings towards Villanelle? Honestly I don’t think so. If anything, it’s likely an infatuation at this point. Here is an exciting woman who shows no intention to stop pursuing her (but happens to be a psychotic killer), on the other hand she has a loving husband who genuinely cares for her albeit a little too boring. I would understand if Eve’s intrigued, thrilled to be wanted even! But I feel she does love Niko more romantically compared to Villanelle.

2. Batman & The Joker Parallels

I can’t help but sense the increasing parallels between Eve and Villanelle, and Batman and The Joker in S2. Just like how The Joker is obsessed with Batman and vice versa, Eve and Villanelle both goes to the extreme in this slow but filled-with-tension dance between them. Villanelle starts to make direct moves on people she sees as a love threat (aka Niko) to her relationship with Eve, and Eve herself is spiraling down the path of psychosis herself by starting to disregard her own sanity and good judgment, and even Kenny who genuinely cares for her, to try and lure Villanelle to see her.

The chemistry and dynamics between Eve and Villanelle remains the core strength of the series, and it is made even better in this season, to some points poetic even. Villanelle repeatedly says that she and Eve are the same type of person, that what makes Eve interesting is she herself (can you feel the Joker-Batman parallel here?), and she is quite right as we slowly see the Eve untangling herself due to her own obsession with Villanelle. Has Eve started on the path to villainy herself? We shall see!

Not all the ‘good guys’ are as good as they seem to be, and not every villain is as bad as they make themselves out to be. Everyone operates in a grey area, and largely the focus has been on Eve & Villanelle.

Will we get more character backstory on Konstantin & Carolyn? I surely hope so! Carolyn has a bigger and shadier role this time around and you can’t help but wonder if we should be more careful of her from now on.

The Bad Ones

In general, there’s a couple of quetionable plotholes that I feel is a result of abit of too much going on to move the story along, and the first few episodes’ pacing were a bit too slow (in comparion, the entire S1′s pacing was excellent). Yes, there needs to be a new plot device to drive Eve and Villanelle back to each other, but I felt it could’ve been worked out better (is this because PWB is not the head writer anymore?).

1. “The Ghost”

I felt The Ghost was grossly underused and misused. Sure, she’s a plot device to get Villanelle jealous, and is also the prime suspect in a new case Eve is working on (thus the cause of said jealousy), but the way her character was handled felt very shortchanged.

It’s like she’s being built up to be the direct opposite of Villanelle yet equally lethal, but turns up and disappears in a rather anti-climactic way. She was cast aside too easily because compared to Villanelle, she is relatively ‘boring’!

Her confession: could’nt they have used her children as a leverage to make her confess? I guess that’s way too easy & convenient, as it wouldn’t have lead to Eve & Villanelle working together. Is this really the best way they could’ve brought the two characters together in the same room again?

The aftermath of her confession: wasn’t it enough to arrest Aaron Peel? There could be transactional records of payment for her service and whatnot, but Aaron Peel conveniently controls the whole of UK’s data now so....

It was a shame we didn’t get to see a direct showdown between Villanelle and The Ghost. I hope we see another opponent like this in next season?

2. Villanelle’s Escape

Villanelle had a REALLY hard time escaping from the Paris hospital and back to London. I’m pretty sure she would’ve eased through the trip quite easily in her S1 form. Yes she is injured, but her wit & survival skills would’ve moved her along faster innit?

So tough was the escape, that we needed 3 episodes before she was ‘rescued’ by a member of The Twelve. This was what bothered me about the pacing in the opening 3 episodes: they put a heavy handicap on her abilities. Also, given how efficient The Twelve is, it took 3 episodes for them to track down Villanelle? Really?

Villanelle and The Twelve, you both had suddenly become sooo sloppy.

3. Eve’s New Case

If the opening three episodes slowed down Villanelle’s return to badassery, it also serves an introduction to the new case Eve’s team is working on. From then on, the entire series’s plot suddenly lurches forward as we anticipate Villanelle finally reuniting with Eve again. Suddenly, they are working together on a case! Are international criminals allowed such freedom to walk across the globe so easily by exchanging personal favours with old acquantainces? Does it really work like that? It was even shown that Carolyn had an upper management to answer to! This means she can’t necessarily be allowed to make all the calls right? But conveniently, she does seem to have all the power to do so!

The case also involves a rather mediocre story about a son seeking to sell his dad’s company in a dodgy way. Carolyn so conveniently halts the Villanelle case as a result, at least for Eve. You couldn’t help but think - Villanelle definitely killed more and has more high-profile cases than The Ghost, and the entire MI6 division stops right there entirely to focus on The Ghost?

Hmm maybe that’s her deal with Konstantin? But it doesn’t add up still. Just like how Kenny reminded Eve and us all, “She killed Phil!”, Villanelle is easily let off the hook like that? Seemed abit too easy, and we’re talking MI6 here. I’m amazed though that the writers still remembered to use Phil! :D

Summary

I loved how they ended the season on another cliffhanger (and another amazing performance from both actresses!). The best episodes in this season happened in the middle, when Eve & Villanelle finally sees each other again and rekindled that chemistry/tension between them. After a rough start, it’s still a solid season carried well thanks to the performance of the actors, and some great cinematography and direction.

Season 3 should be exciting - what’s next? Can’t wait to see :)

#killingeve #bbcamerica #killingeveseason2

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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “French Fries”

How you and The Joker met involves a pretty surreal story involving French fries and Arkham. Due to both parties’ impulsiveness, you got married on a whim and never had a proper wedding reception. Time to finally take care of the issue.

The Joker is 46

You are 43

You oldest son, Kase is 17

Your youngest, Kaiden just turned 16

Your sons walking in the office unexpectedly makes you jump.

“Oh my God!” Kase gasps, covering his younger brother’s eyes while pushing him out.“Don’t look!”

You are all over J in a very much needed makeout session after you just had a fight an hour ago. It was about the wedding reception coming up next month: you just can’t decide on the color of your outfits: Purple? Green? Classic black and white? After all the conflict, it’s still up in the air.

“What are you guys doing back so early?” you shout, getting off your husband’s lap and fixing your hair as you pull down the hem of your short dress; The Joker is not happy with the interruption.

“Can’t you two knock?!” he snarls, trying to regain control of himself.

“We thought you weren’t here; so sorry,” they elbow each other, silently snickering outside the door.

“Be grateful we weren’t naked!” the Prince of Crime points out, winking and you mutter a faint “Stop teasing them.”

“Ewww, dad,” Kaiden scrunches up his face, holding the folder they wanted to leave in the office for both of you.

“How do you think you two showed up, hm?” J buttons up his shirt, only the 2 bottom buttons of course.

“Jesus, dad, we don’t need a visual!” your oldest son complains, patiently waiting to come in.

“Are you guys decent now?” Kaiden asks after texting one of his friends.

“Yeah, come in,” their father announces and you go back to sitting in his lap since you can’t help it.

The two boys stroll inside the office again and you are handed the binder you were expecting: new updates about Arkham’s security policy.

“I though you’ll be gone all day,” you look at them, admiring how much they look like you and J.

“That was the plan, but then uncle Frost… (a low grumble from your husband) “…said he was able to obtain this for you and he dropped us off so we can bring it over. We knew it is important so we just came back.”

“Uncle Frost!” the eruption is quick to follow. “Give me a break!” The Joker hates the fact that your kids call you best friend “uncle”. “Isn’t it enough that I have to put up with him being your mom’s best friend? He’s not your uncle. Period!!!”

Well, this is going downhill very fast; you and your boys know something needs to be done: J has to be distracted.

“So, dad, you met mom during Arkham prison time, right?” Kase points out towards the folder that is currently placed on the desk, taking a sit on the couch by his brother.

J stops his rant, takes a deep breath and switches his focus on the new subject – one of his favorites.

“Yes, in the cafeteria. They brought me there every day in the strait jacket, chained me to the chair at the table in the left corner…Remember that, Pumpkin?” the roar is fast to follow and you yank at his holster, pleased at the memory.

“U-hum…”

“It was my recreational time; I wasn’t allowed to eat with the others. Nobody even looked my way. Until one day, I see this woman walking towards me, a fellow inmate, apparently. She seemed out of it, probably from the meds, quite awkward in that orange jumpsuit that was definitely not her color. “

“Yuck, horrible color indeed,” you recall, shivering with disgust.

“Anyway, she just comes over, drags a chair from a nearby table and slams this plate full of French fries in front of me. She takes a bite out of a fry and feeds me the other half. I really wanted to snap her fingers with my teeth but I didn’t. You know why?” he addresses his sons and there’s no answer. “Because she smelled like chaos, despair and slaughter.”

“My natural pheromones,” you cross your legs and J squeezes you harder towards him.

“Exactly! She looked like crap and so insane I was smitten. I asked for her name and she didn’t answer.”

“That’s because I didn’t remember it ; the stuff they have me was very strong. I just saw this guy sitting alone at a table without a plate and I thought I should give him something to eat. I didn’t even realize it was the King of Gotham,” you explain to the kids again, your heart beating so fast recalling stuff you are very emotionally attached to.

“You mom kept on coming day after day and shared her fries with me: always munching on them first, then gave me the other half.”

Every time the story is told, there’s always new details emerging, one crazier than the other.

“I didn’t know this part!” Kaiden admits and his sibling agrees.

“Oh yes, it happened,” The Joker bites his lower lip, enticed. ”After about 10 days she stopped coming. I didn’t want to care but it bugged me. I really had to fight with myself on that one, but I behaved for a whole week and as a reward I was allowed to roam around the cafeteria for once. I searched for your mom and there she was: alone at a table, staring at her empty plate, completely gone.”

“Yeap, they changed my meds so I was even more screwed up,” the simple explanation makes your boys laugh.

“Anyway,” their father continues, “ I kicked her chair and she didn’t even blink. I think you hold the record, Doll: I’ve never seen anybody gazing at something without blinking for so long.”

“ I can still do it,” you proudly utter and your butt gets pinched.

“Good Kitty,” J whispers in your ear and the boys suspect there is something going on but not sure since it was a very discreet gesture. “So,” he gets all pumped up again,” I took the plate, filled it with fries and placed it in front of her. She didn’t move so I said: ‘Eat your stupid potatoes, craziness.’ Nothing. Your mom was completely bonkers. I kicked a guy off his chair at a nearby table, grabbed it and sat by your mom. Took a fry, bit off it and gave the rest to her. She actually ate it and I kept on doing that until the fries were gone. “

“That’s pretty amazing, dad,” Kase praises the tale, immersed in the topic.

“Right?!” The Joker huffs, full of arrogance. “When Frost and my men came to bail me out of there, I searched for your mom, don’t ask me why,” he lifts his shoulders up, not having an explanation after so many years.

“Jonny was the one that carried me outside after they found me,” you bring it up, delighted. “ I wasn’t in great shape to walk so he lift me up in his arms and stomped on the corridor ; your dad was too busy beating the shit out of two guards that were mean to him with a baseball bat. He looked so classy while doing it and I thought: ‘My God, what a perfect man, adding such a personal touch to his revenge; no gun, just him and his bat.’ “

“I am perfect,” your husband scoffs and Kase softly kicks his brother’s shin, trying not to draw attention to his signal; he holds in the laugh and continues to listen.

“I remember that I sneezed on Jonny’s impeccable suit and instead of getting mad, he smiled and said ‘bless you’…”

“Hold on!” Kaiden interrupts, “Uncle Frost smiles?!”

“Smartass!” you snap, “Just like your father,” and you are getting groped as revenge.

“Bad Kitty!” J growls and you giggle, starting to kiss him all over his cheeks, forehead, temples, then peck his lips.

“Jeez, dad, you’re 46!” the youngest son discloses with a grimace. “Aren’t you embarrassed to have mom spoil you like this?!”

“No! Why should I be embarrassed?! I deserve it !” he answers, irritated.

“U-hum,” you mutter, amused and aware he means it. “Did I ever tell you I was the one that asked your dad to marry me?” you divert everyone’s attention to the new, captivating plot.

“No way!!” the two siblings shout in the same time.

“Yes, after only two weeks we escaped Arkham, I said: “You should marry me, Green Hair.” And your voice goes low, imitating The Joker: “ Why?”; “Because I shared my fries with you,” I replied and your father agreed: “Fair enough.” Now, if this is not the most romantic thing ever, then I am totally insane,” you conclude, kissing your husband.

Your teenage kids gaze at one another, puzzled: they have no idea how you two function since you live in your own little world; a real mystery.

“So you got married only after 2 weeks?!” Kase double checks, surprised by the revelation.

“Yes. Like, why would we need more?!” J responds, not understand what the fuss is about. “We got married the next day. Frost was the witness and I’ll never forget the look on the reverend’s face while held at gunpoint, officiating the fastest marriage ever. We were out of there in 10 minutes, huh, Pumpkin?”

“Yes, it was super-fast,” you regretfully sigh. ”Never had a reception.”

“That night, there were fireworks, I’m telling you,” The Joker winks and the boys protest.

“For heaven’s sake dad, really?!” “ You two have dirty minds; there were fireworks because it was the 4th of July,” the wicked chuckle resonates in the office. “So much fun to tease them,” J reckons, thrilled to have someone to taunt all the time.

“Stop messing with my babies,” you pout, but he knows you enjoy it also.

“What are you boys up to?” their father wants to know about his sons’ plans.

Kase opens his mouth to report on what’s going on but J cuts him off.

“Hold that thought, I suddenly have an itch that only your mom can scratch!”

“Jeez, dad!!!”

“Seriously?!” the protests are fast to follow his comment.

“You kids have a really dirty mind, definitely my offsprings ,” the proud observation coming from the Joker makes them shake their heads as you take a deep breath, knowing there is nothing you can do about it. At least it’s funny. “I have an itch here, on my shoulder and since Y/N is right here, she can scratch it for me.”

They both roll their eyes and J slaps your waist, excited: “They’re soooo much fun to pick on!” the malicious snicker echoes in the room again.

“Well,” Kase reports, “ I have a date tonight with Aria.” (That’s Frost’s daughter)

“NO!!!” your husband barks.

“What?! WHY???” your oldest objects, unhappy at his dad’s refusal.

“One date is gonna lead to another and God knows what else and before we know it I’ll be related to Frost!”

You want to laugh so badly it’s hard to hold it in.

“Baby, it’s just a date,” you try to cool him down, gently tracing the collar of his white shirt. “They always hang out anyway, so…what’s an official date added to that?”

“No way in hell! Did you kiss her yet?”

“Yeah, many times,” the teenager swiftly spits out, and you smile to yourself because you already knew the little secret.

“Shit!! I’m gonna be related to Frost!” J panics, displeased and he shoves himself into you, feeling he’s starting to sweat from anxiety.

“They are just teenagers, handsome, you are thinking too far ahead,” you state the evident detail, kissing his Damaged tattoo.

“He’s not going!” J fumes, determined to stop any kind of actions that might lead to him being related to your best friend. The ideas he gets…

“But dad…” your son has a vague comeback and his younger brother warns him to shut up.

“I don’t wanna be related to Frost, don’t make me repeat myself one more time! “ The Joker shouts, antagonized.

You wink at your sons, then turn your attention towards the third child you have:

“If your dad says no, then it’s a no,” and they get up to leave.

“Fine…” Kase sulks and his sibling opens the door so they can both get out. Once the boys are on the hallway, they silently high five, smirking.

“Mom got this!” oldest mutters, relieved. “I’m going to take a shower soon and get ready for tonight.”

“Can I come too?” Kaiden begs since he doesn’t want to be left behind.

“No way, dude! Find your own date!” he shows his brother away and they start horsing around on the way to the kitchen.

In the meantime, you got on the desk, keeping your feet on J’s lap while he tries to figure out why the damned computer just froze. You sigh, puckering your lips, which prompts the question:

“What’s wrong, Doll?”

“Too bad we got interrupted, hm?”

“Yeah, no kidding. Those kids need a life, teenagers are supposed to be out and about, this way we can have fun too.”

You pretend to be upset and scoot over more towards the edge of the desk.

“Mmmmm, since my baby can’t have fun, I’m not in the mood for too much either.”

“What do you mean?” The Joker licks his silver teeth, intrigued.

“A shame you didn’t even get to see what I’m wearing under this dress…”

“What exactly are you wearing under your dress?” He wants to sound totally uninterested, but you know better.

“Purple lace, one of the most outrageous, obscene and vile pieces of lingerie you’ve ever seen.” J is absolutely obsessed with purple lace, one of his few weaknesses.

“Your strategy is not going to work, Pumpkin. I don’t care; he’s not going on that date.”

You lift your shoulders up, playing with your nails.

“Can I…e-hem…” he fakely coughs, “…get a little glimpse to see what I’m missing on?”

“If you insist,” and you pull down on your front zipper, revealing the outfit in all its might and glory.

“Fuck!” he gulps, scrolling back on his chair so he can see better. “That is niiiice. Daddy likes it, get over here!”

“Nooo, I don’t feel like doing anything anymore; plus, the boys are here also, so…”

“Playing hard to get, huh?”

“If my baby can go on his date, I might be happier also…” you playfully tap your toes on his knees, zipping up your dress again.

You sons barely made it to the kitchen when you peak inside, triumphantly announcing:

“Honey, you’re going on that date with Aria.”

“I knew it!” Kase comes and strains in order to lift you up in his arms.

“Don’t break your back, Casanova!” you point out and he puts you down, panting, kissing your cheek in the process.

“You’re the best mom!” he compliments you, feverish it all worked in his favor.

“I know,” you caress his face, turning around to leave and thinking: “the purple lace strikes again.”

You’re almost out of the kitchen when your oldest has an outburst:

“I wish dad was more like you, mom. Sometimes he can be such a jerk!”

You freeze in place, your right eye twitching.

“What did you just say?!” you spin on your heels to face him, being so mad your ears are ringing. Kaiden gets frightened seeing how menacing you look walking towards his brother. “Did you just call my husband a jerk?!”

“Ummm…I …I…didn’t mean to,” Kase stutters, realizing he’s in big trouble.

“Your father might be a jerk, but that’s for me to assess and deal with, do we understand each other?!” you raise your voice, pissed. Kaiden places himself in between you two, alarmed – you’ve never direct such anger towards them before and he knows it’s dangerous to keep you in this state.

“Mom, mom, he didn’t mean it, you know he’s stupid! Mom, please look at me!” he cups your face, forcing you to glare at him. “Mom, please…he didn’t mean to…” he repeats, scared to see how you get when you can’t control yourself.

You exhale a few times, struggling to keep it together.

“You’re lucky you’re my kid! If I ever hear you disrespecting your dad again, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. I shared my fries with him and I never share my fries, so don’t talk like this again! Did I make myself clear?” you sneer, annoyed. “Yes, mom, I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean it…” he whispers, startled.

“No date!!!” you decide and your boy is stunned. “ No cell, no TV, no computer, no tablet, no Play Station for 2 weeks!!!” and you signal for his phone which he gives up right away, figuring out it can get worse if he doesn’t comply.

You snag the phone from his hand and head towards the balcony to chill.

“You’re an idiot!” his younger brother concludes, still shaking from the commotion.”What is wrong with you?!”

**************

Kase decides to go talk to his dad, maybe there is something he might be willing to do to shorten the sentence.

“What’s the ruckus about?” The Joker growls, still trying to figure out why the computer is acting out.

“I said something I shouldn’t have and that woman took it out of proportion,” his son whines, not comprehending the extent of his new offense. “Now I’m grounded for 2 weeks.”

His father stops typing and adjusts his gold bracelets, then lifts his cold, blue eyes to stare at his kid.

“Did you…just…called your mother…that woman?!” A few bones crack in his neck and to say he is furious would be an understatement.

“Ummm…Yes, I did, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to,” Kase wants to patch up his huge mistake, backing out towards the exit, unsettled.

“That woman,” he gets up his chair, slamming his fist on the heavy oak desk,” shared her dumb potatoes with me at Arkham, and she never shares her fries. Do not disrespect my wife or I swear you will deeply regret it, understand??!!!!” J shouts, trying to control himself since this is his own son, otherwise he would probably be dead now.

“Y-yes dad,” Kase stammers, fleeing the office before it gets worse but its’ too late.

“Add 3 more weeks to those 2 your mother punished you with!” the grave, deep voice makes him aware while his younger brother punches his side, irked:

“You’re a moron!! If you keep it up, you’ll be grounded until you’re 40! A complete ass!!!”

“I don’t need this from you,” Kase pushes away his sibling, bitter and resentful.

But after about 30 minutes, he decides that is better if he apologizes to both you and J.

He goes into the office and it’s deserted.

“Mom? Dad?” he takes a quick look around. “Where are they?” Kase mutters, intrigued. “Hey, Kaiden, are mom and dad upstairs?” he yells and the reply confirms:

“No, not here, maybe on the balcony?”

The penthouse is pretty big, on two levels, 7 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, the huge living room being the center of it, plus the kitchen and the balcony. Even so, it shouldn’t be that hard to find one’s parents. But there is no trace of you two.

“Kaideeennnn!” Kase shouts again, “I think they abandoned the nest again and sneaked out to go on one of their little dates!”

“You mean robbery?” his brother comes out of the bedroom, gathering his long hair in a messy bun.

“Yeah, that! Wanna go and catch a movie? I’m grounded, but only from electronics.”

“Might as well since we’re home alone. Hold on, I need to get my gold bracelets!” (just in case you were wondering which son takes more after J).

After the boys leave, you and The Joker come out from under the desk you were hiding. When Kase barged into the office, you and J were beneath it, plugging and unplugging cords, messing with the wiring, trying to figure out why the computer doesn’t work. You stopped what you were doing, deciding not to disclose your whereabouts. Now that the kids are out of there, you’ll have some privacy with your husband. The little strategy worked and you are more than happy to enjoy some fun time.

Unfortunately, the boys came straight home after the movie. They walk inside and it’s dark.

“They’re not here yet,” Kase stretches, walking in front of his brother and when they take the corner to get to their rooms, they notice the door cracked opened to the master bathroom, candle light flickering in the darkness. Water splashes, you giggle and their father purrs so loud they feel the need to make their presence known right away: “Ummm, we’re back…” Kaiden sniffles, clenching to his brother’s arm.

“What?!” they hear your displeased comment and J groans, fed up with all the disruptions.

“Hold on, baby, I’ll take care of this,” you kiss him before getting out of the Jacuzzi. You grab your fluffy robe and get out on the hallway, turning the lights on.

“Hi, mom,” they both greet, looking guilty like they did something wrong when in fact…they didn’t.

“Aaahhh, my beautiful boys,” you get in between them, taking their arms and guiding them downstairs. “Why are you home so early, hm?”

“It’s 10pm, mom,” you youngest shyly attempts to bring it to your knowledge.

“So early! You teenagers are supposed to be out there, doing crazy stuff that young people do.” You make them walk towards the elevator, not before stopping in front of the armoire and taking out hundred dollars bills that you stash in their pockets until they don’t fit anymore. “Go have fun, the night is young!” you encourage, pushing them inside the elevator when the doors open. “Kiss!” you point out towards your cheeks and they each kiss one in the same time. “Have fun!” you wink before the elevator’s door close.

On the way down, the siblings look at each other, puzzled.

“Did we…did we just kicked out the penthouse so our parents can have sex?!” your oldest son addresses Kase, scratching his arm with the new tattoo he got last week.

“Obviously…How much do we have?” his brother inquires, trying to put together the pile of hundred dollar bills you gave him.

“Not sure…” Kaiden takes a visual of both their monetary resources, concluding: “A few thousands?”

“Acceptable amount for a decent night out. You do realize we have the best parents ever, right?”

“Pffftt, suuuuuure,” his brother replies and they push each other around, snickering all the way down.

*********************

Tomorrow is the big day: you’ll finally have the wedding reception you never had.

The Joker goes into the bedroom, carrying a small box. He places it on the nightstand on your side of the bed and heads out of the room, but Kase blocks the exit.

“Where are you going, dad?” he crosses his arms on his chest in disapproval.

“To get your mom so we can go to sleep,” J squints his eyes, not seeing the big picture.

“NO! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” and Kase slams the door in his father’s face, locking it from the outside.

“Are you kidding me?!” a very vexed Joker bangs at the door. “I’m already married to her; we’ll just have the reception. Open up!”

“Nope, you’re not sleeping in the same room tonight, gotta keep some traditions going!”

“I can’t sleep without her, open up, don’t piss me off!”

“No way, dad, not this time!” Three doors up, you were looking for some items in the guest bedroom and now that you are done, you should probably go to sleep so you are heading out of the room when Kaiden blocks your way.

“Where are you going, mom?”

“To sleep,” you divulge, wanting to pass by but he won’t bulge.

“No, mom! Dad can’t see you tonight. It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”

“We are already married, you silly child, we’ll just have the reception.” “No, mom!” and the door gets slammed in your face and locked on the outside.

“What in the world?! …Open up, don’t annoy me! You know I can’t sleep without your dad!” “You’ll have to, mom, gotta keep up the tradition!”

And the brothers meet up in the middle of the distance separating your temporary prisons, fist bumping and pleased at their little perfect plan to keep you apart for the night.

Meanwhile, you found a solution to your problem: you are walking on the railing constructed on the outside of the building, carefully moving with your back against the brick wall. The cement railing leading to the master bedroom is not very thick so you don’t even look down from the 30th floor, hoping you’ll not get dizzy since you hate heights. You finally reach your destination and knock on the window. J is still at the door, annoyed he has to put up with his crazy kids and their crazy ideas.

“Princess!” The Joker grins when he sees you and rushes to open the window so you can slip inside.

“Ssstttt!” you smile and jump in his arms. “Keep your voice down, we have to let them think they won, otherwise they’ll keep bugging us!” you whisper in his ear, glad you will be able to sleep since you can’t afford dark circles and baggy eyes tomorrow.

“I was thinking to do the same,” he points out towards the window, moaning when you keep on biting and kissing his neck in frenzy. “I got you something, Doll! Consider it a wedding gift,” J places you on the table and grabs the little box he placed on the night stand earlier.

“Yum, it smells good, what is it?” you open it with the outmost curiosity and…”OH MY GOD!!!!” you look at him, stunned. “Are these…Arkham French fries?! “

“Surprise!” he chuckles, keeping it low. “I had to pull some strings to get the damned potatoes but…here they are. Still warm.”

“Wanna share?” you hop off the table and clasp his hand, taking refuge in the walk - in closet. After you seal the door, you feel this is your new fortress so you start eating the fries. “Wow, baby, they taste the same. Do you reckon they have the same cook?!” you lean your head on his shoulder, biting half of one piece and feeding him the other half.

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” he licks his lips, pleased he got you so excited with the little present. “Trapped in there just like the rest of the inmates.”

“Probably,” you sigh and slide down to the floor, continuing to munch on your food.

“Holy crap!” your husband gasps when notices a small piece of your reception gown coming out from under the plastic wrap. “Is that…purple lace?!” “U-hum,” you nod your head and he gets worked up.

“How am I supposed to make it throughout the day with you wearing that?! I might have to steal you away for a couple of hours so I can get it out of my system,” he yanks you in his arms, roughly kissing you.

“I was counting on that,” the naughty look on your face lets him know. “Auuchhh,” you protest in pain when his hands go down your back.

“What is it?”

“It still hurts a bit,” you uncomfortably squirm in his lap and turn around a bit so he can see. “I got it this morning,” and you lift your shirt up, disclosing the patched up skin at the bottom of your back. “Take a look; it’s one of your gifts!”

The Joker peels the bandage and gasps: your new tattoo represents a pile of fries and hearts, having “I only share with Mister J” written around it.

“I fucking love it!” he caresses the skin, aroused. “It makes me wanna…” and he stops, devouring you with his blue gaze.

“What, Daddy? Makes you wanna do what?” you outline his lips, mesmerized.

“…eat more fries!” he gropes you and you start laughing so hard he has to cover your mouth. “Shush, those crazy kids will hear you!” but he’s laughing too so you have to cover his mouth. After you calm down, you take another fry from the almost gone supply, take a bite out of it and give J the rest, not wanting to waste any.

After all, you got married because of these damned things.