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yourstardarling · 25 days

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Lilith Analysis

(Lady Lilith, by Dante Gabriel Rossetti)

In my perspective, Lilith symbolizes the female intuition which is often vilified in our patriarchal society. She questions the status quo, defying societal norms and forges her own path for how she lives her life. In some interpretations, Lilith is depicted as the serpent in the garden, tempting Eve with the apple as revenge for her expulsion after refusing to submit to Adam. Targeting Eve instead of Adam, shows how Lilith understands the curious nature within women to want to know more and what ifs. It is the same curiosity that made Pandora open the box releasing malicious spirits into the world.

The energy of Lilith is a vengeful one as she sought revenge against God for her banishment out of the garden. In her expulsion, she was stated to steal babies and harm innocent lives, unsympathetic to anyone in her way. So within our charts, Lilith shows where we've experienced profound shame and societal rejection. It is where we are often demonized for refusing to yield to others' expectations. If we don't heal this pain it often becomes a form of self-destruction, fueling a need to gain revenge, harming anyone in our path. This part of our chart is usually suppressed, relegated to the shadows, but integration of this energy is crucial. Mainly because keeping our shame underneath the surface will often cause self-sabotage within the house Lillith is in. Finding the underlying root of the problem will often lead to reclaiming of your power, making Lilith be an energy of magnetization and authority. Neglection will only exacerbate internal conflict.

Lilith in the 1st:In the first house, these individuals are the walking embodiments of Lilith. They are often faced with deep-seated feelings of shame regarding their sexuality and physical appearance. Many have endured the pain of bullying in their youth, which has made them feel shunned out from society. This shame becomes a heavy burden that feels as if it is a part of them, complicating efforts to express their true self openly. Consequently, a portion of their identity remains veiled, guarded against potential judgment or rejection from others. Yet, beneath this veil within their unconscious, lies a potent magnetism. A profound sense of sexuality that others find rather attractive or unsettling. They find themselves both desired and feared. But honestly like Britney said it’s because, "All of the boys and all of the girls want to if you seek Amy." Lilith's influence in this house encourages independence and self-assertion. It teaches the importance of standing firm in the face of societal pressures and refusing to be demonized for your own authenticity. However, yielding to criticism and seeking external validation risks facing internal conflicts. A constant battle against yourself. That is why confronting the shadow aspects of one's personality should be practiced, as it offers a pathway to self-discovery and empowerment. When you are able to show resilience and unwavering faith in yourself, you're able to garner admiration and respect from those around you. The ability to transmute pain into productive actions serves as a magnetic force, attracting allies and opportunities alike. Learning to embrace your inner sexual energy is imperative, as it is something that cannot be suppressed. Unfortunately, this embracement may invite unwanted attention, leaving you vulnerable to exploitation and trauma. Overall, the role of Lilith in the first house is one of self-acceptance and defiance against societal norms. It's a journey marked by challenges, but also by profound personal growth and authenticity.

Lilith in the 2nd: In the house of personal gains, Lilith has felt great shame surrounding her personal values. Individuals with this placement have a hard time surrounding their self worth and physical assets. Possessive tendencies lie beneath the surface, as a consequence from being betrayed in the past. People may have taken advantage of them for their material value and stolen from them. Financial wounds run deep making them unable to properly trust themselves with money. Might find themselves in cycles of reckless spending, prioritizing instant gratification over long term investments. The types go on a shopping spree and then feel guilty for indulging materialistically.These people can either be overindulgent or extremely picky when it comes to what they spend. There is an inherent value of pleasure and spending resources on things that make you feel good.The sign Lilith is in will give you an idea on what you unwarily spend money on and guide your financial decisions. Implementing a budget plan can be very beneficial in uncovering and healing shame surrounding your spending habits. It will help you regulate your spending. Underlying shadow challenges when it comes to self worth is another aspect of this placement. Leading to having doubts about deservingness and attaining success. Lilith in the 2nd, prompts a reevaluation of your values. Rather than being overly picky, you're encouraged to be intentional in your pursuits. Learn to align your investments with your deepest values and aspirations. Family dynamics may also contribute to your relationship with money, with the possibility of past generations engaging in questionable financial practices. Additionally, Lilith's immature aspects may tempt individuals to resort to unethical means of acquiring wealth, such as engaging in sex work or participating in illicit activities. However, succumbing to these temptations risks exploiting others and ultimately perpetuating cycles of harm. In navigating the influence of Lilith in the 2nd house, you are urged to exercise caution and integrity in financial dealings. By confronting shadows and cultivating a sense of self-worth, they can transcend shame and reclaim power over their financial well-being.

Lilith in the 3rd: When Lilith is in the third house of youth and mental stimulation, these individuals have deep shame within their speech and communication. Oftentimes they were demonized as a child, facing constant scrutiny about their childish behavior. Parental guardians made them seem like they were to blame for the smallest issues that occurred. In school they may have felt shunned out from their peers, becoming the target of bullying and ridicule. This ridicule can even come from their teachers that overly criticized them for not being the perfect student, leading them to feel like they were a bad kid. Might indicate having a speech impediment, having a hard time communicating how you feel and issues surrounding being able to read. Your intelligence was significantly downplayed from the earlier years of school which made you believe you were dumb. For this reason, you may prefer being quiet and only speaking when you are needed to, often avoiding starting conversation. To others you may seem standoffish when you speak, but instead it can be anxiety to say what you really want because of public reaction. This Lilith wound is one centered around your inner child and taking back power over your mind. Intrusive thoughts of feeling less than can often be an underlying trigger, but you must recognize that these voices in your head are not your own. It is programming from the ridicule you received as a kid. Mindfulness and meditation practices can help regulate the outside input that comes in your head. You're a very intellectually capable individual that often understands knowledge about topics considered unconventional by society. Don’t be ashamed of what you know and use it to teach other people information you are passionate about.

Lilith in the 4th: Within the house of home and heritage, Lilith has wrested with feeling of shame for her family background. These individuals can often grow up feeling sexually repressed by their family. Criticism for what they were and being called a slut for wanting to express themselves. This placement reminds me of Meg from Family Guy, and how she is consistently made the butt of all ridicule by her family. As you went through puberty, you could've felt uncomfortable being objectified by family members. Some could've faced even faced exploitation by their own family. There is a strange focus on purity within the household and committing towards conservative ideals of presenting yourself. From their point of view, you may be seen as someone who is promiscuous and disobeying traditional values. You might find it hard to feel at home within yourself because of these past afflictions. This can even lead to you feeling ashamed about your emotional responses, often viewing them as evil instead of necessary feelings. Aside from sexuality, this Lilith placement also indicates having shame regarding your origin. There might have been concealed truths about your birth, unraveling as you mature. Might have felt like your family were strangers and you did not belong with them. Issues with the mother figure can be highlighted by this placement. You don't get along well and could feel a sense of cruelty from her. A shadow side to you is kept veiled from your family, which makes you feel like an outsider by them. You may have a reputation of being the rebellious cousin. They may harbor outdated ideologies such as racism, homophobia and xenophobia, that makes you more ashamed of them. The home you grew up in may have been the cause of this shame too, because of its design or infestation issues. Overall, stepping away from your family's point of view of the world is a big factor with this Lilith placement. You cannot allow their lives to dictate who you are meant to be. Learning to nurture yourself and finding your own community is an essential part of your journey. As time pass, you may discover yourself becoming a space for other people to confide in about their personal issues. A testament to Lilith making a home for herself outside the boundaries of Eden.

Lilith in the 5th: In the fifth house, individuals have grappled with profound shame surrounding the way they experience pleasure within their lives. Their childhood may have been faced with restrictions on the ways they could have fun, such as engaging in hobbies solely to appease their parents rather than for personal enjoyment. Activities you found enjoyment in, felt like you needed to keep hidden away from other people in order to not get ridiculed. There are plenty of hobbies you enjoy that others will find unorthodox to have. For example, going to shooting ranges, participating in drag shows, taking part in the circus or cosplaying your favorite characters. When it comes to your talents, you might face envy from others because they want the attributes that you have. May face hate in your extracurricular activities and being outcasted by team members. In your own eyes, your often unsure about your talents and feel like you're not good enough in your practice. Additionally, there is also shame regarding sexual pleasure. You might find it fun to explore, but some experiences make it unsettling for you to enjoy. There may be a need to keep your sex life a secret from other people. However, sex positivity can be a notable aspect of this placement though, not having much conservative notions in your sexual experiences. When it comes to children, you might feel some shame for not wanting to have kids and face scrutiny from others for this stance. You can even feel like you hate the thought of children and not wanting them around you. If you do end up having kids, they can exhibit Lilith quality traits of rebellion and unorthodox behavior. There is definitely a shadow side to how you gain pleasure with this placement, indulging in self destructive behaviors and selling yourself away for fun. You must learn to tame that primal urge within you when you are having a great time. Especially as this can lead to addictions to pleasure, such as having a gambling, drug abuse and being overly sexual. Learn to set boundaries when you're having fun.

Lilith In the 6th: In the house of service, Lilith plays a commanding role within her work space. This placement reminds me of The Devil wears Prada, where Miranda was seen as a formidable figure by her colleagues. Similarly, coworkers may harbor similar feelings toward you, casting you as assertive & harsh. You may face a lot of scrutiny in the workplace and could even work in an environment where there's a prevalence of discrimination. Workplace harassment can occur here as well, oftentimes facing oversexualization. Navigating and accepting your shadow persona in the workplace becomes essential. As long as you come there to do your job, that’s all that matters. Just try not to lash out at your colleagues because of misconception and other issues. There may be a big rumor that you are lazy for not doing as much as everyone else. However, you're the type of person that only comes and does the work that is necessary, not overworking themselves as everyone else. On the flip side, you can be hyper focused on work and do a lot more in your day that others don’t really see. This can take a toll on your health and work stress can be a big indication of this placement. Speaking of health, you might have a terrible relationship with health officials. Health experts in the past might have treated you poorly and even faced a misdiagnosis. Your relationship with health overall is something you can feel intense emotions around. A health condition could make you feel like you don’t have the same capabilities as other people. Might struggle with digestion and eating food to nourish yourself. There is a lot of necessary shadow work to uncover within your habits and daily routines with this placement. Learn to not be so hard on yourself, making time to properly maintain your physical needs.Health is wealth after all.

Lilith In the 7th: When Lilith lies in the house of partnerships, there is often shame surrounding the close connections these people have. They often easily attract people with Lilith energy in their lives, such as rebellion, ostracization and outcasts. You're often able to see the version of others that they keep hidden underneath. For some reason, people can feel like they can trust you with their problems and you make space to not judge them. Something about you just allows people to feel easily able to open up their shame to you. It might be because there is a part of you that has felt the same shame of being shunned out by other people. In your love life, there could be a tendency to feel outcasted by your partners which leads to having a warped perception of yourself. Partners often can make you feel like you are too much and incapable of being loved. May find it hard to feel their needs being met in their personal relationships. Here lilith indicates issues of being taken advantage of by other people and personal power being exploited. Aggressive aspects can also show facing abuse, which can make these individuals pretty guarded when meeting others. You could feel the need to be in control and have a dominant role in your love life. However, self-destructive tendencies may spur from not getting what you want out of a partner and lead you sabotaging your connections. You can often pursue relationships you know are unhealthy for you. There’s a tendency to want people that bring out an unhinged version of yourself, becoming a whole different person with a partner. Shadow work needs to be done as to why you chase these toxic connections, which sometimes is rooted from the way you viewed the partnership of your parents.

Lilith in the 8th: In the house of death and loss, Lilith is put to face the extremes. Each time they are in a transitional phase in their lives, they get kicked out of their paradise. These individuals understand the darker sides of life and are somewhat good at navigating their shadow. Shadow side can often take things to the extreme when they are out of control. Really good at understanding the taboo and being okay with things that are scarier for other people. A necessary need to make peace with inner demons and resolving past psychological conflicts. While they are able to easily exude a seductive persona, sex can be a harsh topic for them to feel comfortable with. Losing their virginity might have been a monumental experience that shifted the way they act in their lives. There is a need to work on resolving issues with sex and not being afraid of it . Also, you might be into some fetishes that you feel the need to keep hidden from other people. Hiding is a big coping mechanism for them, whenever they feel like the world rejects them, they bury themselves down in shadows to not be seen. A distinct relationship with death, some hold huge guilt for being unphased by death, while others worry about their own deaths. If a family member had died, you might feel guilty for not being sad or crying at the funeral. These people can mourn their innocence a lot, thinking of a time they were untouched by the world around them. During transitional phases of your life, you could be vilified and demonized for acting differently. Might have had a dark aesthetic or emo phase during your teen years. Change can be a scary thing for you and you could harbor strong resistance towards new possibilities. This mainly comes from the scrutiny you’ve felt by other people. Learn to embrace the taboo and understand change will only allow you to reclaim your power.

Lilith in the 9th: These individuals hold a complex relationship with religion and belief systems. Growing up, they likely experienced a religious environment that instilled fear and submission to authority. It's possible they had overly religious parents who prioritized adherence to faith, rather than showing genuine love and understanding for their children. As you mature, there's a tendency to reject traditional systems of beliefs for more esoteric philosophies, helping you find empowerment through alternative spiritual paths. Although shifting your beliefs will allow you to have a sense of freedom, remnants of past religious trauma still linger in your mind. Guilt for what you believe in is a big focus for this placement. They often find themselves at odds with mainstream perspectives, feeling a sense of alienation and struggling to fit in. There's a tendency to doubt their intelligence and the information they know. This struggle extends to academic pursuits as well, where they may feel out of place and struggle to connect with their peers. Moving away from their area of upbringing can be liberating, allowing them to explore their shadow aspects and embrace their darker side through travel and adventure. In doing so, they may discover a newfound magnetism and allure, attracting others to their path towards self-discovery.

Lilith in the 10th: In the house of public career, Lilith exerts a strong influence on one's outward image and persona. When in public settings, you often see people being easily magnetized towards you. If Lilith is conjunct the Midheaven (MC), it can signify experiences of unwanted attention, including catcalling. There's a deep-seated fear of being seen, stemming from the difference between your public persona and true self-image. Overexposure to the public eye can lead to discomfort, particularly in career fields where others seem to dominate or overshadow you. There is a natural ability to exude sensuality that others find intriguing. They may develop a reputation for sensuality and allure, which can intimidate others, particularly men, due to the inherent power they radiate. Despite the fantasization, they may resent the objectification and sexualization. In professional settings their bosses may even attempt to take advantage of them. This placement can also indicate stage fright and social anxiety, causing them to prefer the sidelines rather than the spotlight. An unbalanced version of this placement would be sabotaging yourself when it comes to your career. Promoting bad behavior so that you can gain the upper advantage in situations. It's crucial for them to be vigilant against exploitation by authority figures and to properly navigate professional relationships and contracts. Despite potential misconceptions about their character, individuals with this placement must embrace their authenticity and prioritize their own career aspirations over societal expectations. Your that b*tch for real, and you cannot allow the public opinion of you to dictate who you are. Also, Lilith in the 10th house may signify a challenging relationship with their father, involving absence, mistreatment, or attempts at control. This further fuels aspirations to become a successful person, in order to prove their farther wrong. Embracing their power and authenticity is important for success and fulfillment in the professional world.

Lilith in the 11th: Friendships are never easy with Lilith in the 11th. Despite outward display of support, these individuals frequently encounter betrayal from those they consider close allies, discovering that supposed friends harbor secret animosity and ulterior motives towards them. Friends could make jokes about insecurities you have, while accusing you of being soft for finding offence. Your secrets are not the safest within your social networks, they are like blind items ready to spill all the tea about your personal life. This atmosphere of distrust can lead to a cautious approach to forming friendships, resulting in a preference for family and romantic relationships over the unpredictability of friendships. Despite these challenges, individuals with this placement often gravitate towards unconventional or marginalized groups of people. Finding companionship in the outcasts who defy societal norms. They may become strong advocates for the rights and liberation of marginalized groups, focusing on the need for women's rights and the empowerment of societal underdogs. So while friendships may be met with much difficulty, these individuals create meaningful connections with fellow non-conformists in society. Finding solidarity in their shared struggles, leading to finding community outside of Eden.

Lilith in the 12th: Individuals with Lilith in the 12th house tend to keep Lilith's energy to the depths of their subconscious mind. They are often unaware of its magnetic, rebellious, and sexually charged nature. May doubt their own sexuality and seductive capabilities, feeling overshadowed by others charm. However, when in solitude, Lilith emerges to confront them about their inner shadows and demons. This often leads to solitary battles with their deepest fears and insecurities. Sleep issues are common with this placement, as they may struggle to maintain a stable sleep routine. May prefer the quiet solitude of the night for introspection and self-discovery. In their dreams, they often confront scenarios designed to evoke feelings of inadequacy and shame, forcing them to confront their inner vulnerabilities. They can be drawn towards dream working, meditation, shifting and exploring unique ways to access their subconscious mind. By using the arts, they can transmute fears and underlying issues in their mind to a reservoir of creativity. You can often see their shadow portrayed boldly in their art. Also, these individuals are often empathetic and hold nonjudgmental view towards the shadows of other people. Overall, through uncovering their darkness, Lilith in the 12th house can lead to spiritual growth and artistic development when integrated unapologetically.

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Remember to look at the aspects to Lilith in your chart. Since it is an astrological point & asteroid, it doesn't hold as much significance compared to the planets. So aspects allow you to know how much of this energy can be brought up to the surface. Also, this reading is for all versions of Lilith in the chart.

-your Star Darling

(Portrait of Simonetta Vespucci, by Piero Di Cosimo)

#astro community #lilith #lilith astrology #astrology observations #astrology #black moon lilith #lilith in the houses

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yawnderu · 6 months

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A family of his own.

The thought never occurred to Simon, not when his duty has always been to his country and the queen. A clean-cut soldier through and through, an attack dog, in a way; yet you managed to break down the walls he spent years carefully crafting to protect his peace, walking into his heart as if it was your God-given right. Settling comfortably into his heart, making a home in it, invading his every thought no matter how hard he tried to kick you out of his head.

It wasn't the lack of trying that caused his situation, but rather your persistence. He could push you away as much as he'd like and you still clung to him like a barnacle, refusing to move, merging into his shell to the point his whole self was more yours than his. His heart was yours to seek shelter in, his mind empty and ready to be occupied by you, his body kept clean and healthy for your soft lips to kiss all over, his cock hard and leaking, always ready for you to ride and suck.

He was too pussy-drunk and in love to even care when you suggested to do it raw, seeing it as an honor rather than an action that would have consequences, yet how could he think clearly when your wet cunt was wrapped around him, your pretty tits bouncing up and down while you ride his hard cock? God fuckin' bless Newton.

He knows what exactly caused this— how every single time he was close, his warm hands wrapped around the curve of your waist, holding you in place while he drilled into you; making sure your orgasm hit first before he kept thrusting into that sweet spot, hips stuttering while his hot, white seed spilled into you.

And what did he learn? Absolutely nothing new. Actions have consequences, he knew that much, and he truly wasn't surprised when the sweet thing he had waiting for him at home delivered the news with a letter, pretty handwriting adorning the white paper with something that would change his entire life. Pregnant, she said.

He spent many restless nights thinking about it, but surprisingly, not a single second was put into thinking how to get out of it. No, the thought of you getting pregnant was carved into his brain since the first time you suggested doing it raw, fully aware of the consequences, yet never giving it too much thought as your warm walls wrapped around him always numbed his brain.

Pregnant, he thought, seeming fond of the idea rather than conflicted. Simon was financially stable, had his mental health under control, was too professional and damn good at what he did to ever even get himself injured, yet he found himself putting even more care at being the Ghost, never wanting to come home to you with even a scratch, and he managed for thirty-nine long weeks.

Every single time he saw you, you looked even more lovely, full belly growing even larger and rounder, a protective hand always over your own stomach. The image always melted his heart, making him fall even more in love when his warm hand was laid over your stomach, applying soft pressure until he could feel the little bugger kick away underneath his palm.

"Lovely girl s'gonna come out ready to chuck a bloody grenade." His gaze softened when he heard your laugh, his hand doing nothing other than provoking the little one to keep moving and kicking, completely enamored by the sight of his fiancée resting in his arms in bed, cuddling her up and keeping her safe from the world.

The thought of having a family never occurred Simon, yet he was so ready to welcome his little girl into the world and break the cycle once and for all.

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warrioreowynofrohan · 1 year

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A few different people have been observing that Scrooge begins to change more quickly in the book than is often shown in adaptations. The Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come isn’t the one crucial factor breaking his obstinacy, but rather a final message to drive home a point that Scrooge had already become receptive to. I want to trace the shape of Scrooge’s progress over the course of the book and see what it reveals. (There will be some ‘spoilers’ here, since the story seems fairly universally known even among those who are reading the book for the first time.)

After Marley’s appearance, he is disturbed and discomfited, but still trying to hang onto denial and not face what he’s been told.

With Chistmas Past, adaptations often treat it like a psych session - see, you hate Christmas because you were so miserable during it. But in the book, that isn’t the point at all. Scrooge sees times when he was unhappy as a boy, but he also sees what comforted him during those times - reading and imagination, which his adult self would dismiss asfrivolous and unprofitable - and recaptures his joy in those things. He sees times when he was happy, like at Fezziwig’s Christmas party. And he sees how he’s become the kind of person who made his younger self unhappy rather than happy, and how easy it would to be otherwise.

He sees himself asan unhappy child, and wishes that he’d been kinder to the young boy singing carols at the door. He sees himself happily employed with a kind, generous and personable employer, who could create a vastly more pleasant workplace climate at trivial expense, and wishes he’d been nicer to Bob Cratchit.

And then he sees Belle, and is shown that his unhappiness is of his own making and the consequence of hus own choices. His being the selfish, avaricious person he is is not the consequence of Belle breaking up with him; it is the cause of it. She saw him already becoming that person, and chose not to follow him in that path. Her choices left her a happy, loving and loved woman; his left him unhappy and alone. Scrooge cannot bear this, and rejects and fights the spirit rather than face it.

But he has nonetheless already begun to change. Whereas he initially did not want to go with Christmas Past (“a night of unbroken sleep would be more conducive to [my welfare]”), he willingly goes with Christmas Present and expresses the desire to learn and benefit. He sees people in all manner of circumstances, good and bad, choosing to take joy in each other’s company and the comforts, small or great, around them. Many adaptations fail in this, focusing Scrooge’s attention on the idea that people dislike him (Mrs Cratchit; his nephew’s joke) but in the book Scrooge clearly greatly enjoys his nephew’s party, the nephew is being good-humoured and generous and expresses his goodwill towards Scrooge, and Scrooge doesn’t mind the joke at all. He sees the Cratchits making the best of what they have, and how he is making their lives harder than need be. He sees, in many ways and places, how he could be making others happy and being happy himself, rather than making evrryobe miserable, and it is an appealing picture. And Present calls him out, several times, on his past words and sentiments, and Scrooge repents them.

By the time he meets the Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come, he is already willing and prepared to change, and making deliberate plans to do so. The thing that I think is emphasized through the scenes with Yet To Come, as a driving home of the point, is that Scrooge’s actions up to this point have not only made him and others unhappy - they are an utter failure at getting Scrooge the one thing he had prioritized: wordly security, respect, and dignity. In Belle’s words, his turn to avarice in his youth was in hopes of avoiding the “sordid reproach” that the world has for poverty. He was fine, and even pleased, with being feared rather than loved - what he did not want was to be patronized, despized, looked down on.

And now he sees where that got him! His business partners don’t even care to attend his funeral. Men whose respect he hoped to have gained don’t even give him a second thought, and for the brief moment they do, think ill of him (“Old Scratch” is Victorian slang for the devil). His chambers and even his body are plundered (tomorrow’s reading is even more graphic about this, in some lines, than most adaptations). He’s buried in an obscure, untended, weedy churchyard, because no one cares enough about him to make other arrangements. He has none of the worldly respect, regard, dignity for which he turned to money as a protector. Past and Present showed that he was wanting the wrong things; but Future shows him that he wasn’t even achieving the things he thought he did want, amd was in fact achieving their opposite.

The point of Future, then, is not to convince Scrooge to change. He has already chosen that he desires to change. Future alone, without the earlier spirits, would be supremely ineffective; showing Scrooge that his servant and the people around him hate him, without first showing him that he can be happy and make other people happy, would only make him more of a misanthrope. This is not a “scare ‘em straight,” as some adaptations play it. The point of Future is as a final guard against backsliding, against regret: you are losing nothing by changing, because your current path is losing you even the paltry things you sought to gain by it.

Also, I hadn’t really registered this on previous reads, but this is the very near future - the Christmas one year after the period of the book. This is never stated outright, but Christmas Present says of Tiny Tim, “If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, none other of my race will find him here” - meaning, no future Christmas. And, in the visions with Christmas Future, Tiny Tim has died only a few days ago. In the words of Dante (paraphrased) “the time was perilously short for turning.” The Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come doesn’t teach the lesson - that’s the previous spirits - but he makes sure it sticks.

#dickens december #a christmas carol #charles dickens #scrooge

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piracytheorist · 2 years

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I love how even silly short missions manage to have their share of wholesomeness and family connection. It's like family is important in a series called Spy x Family or something.

Anyway, Anya is a kid that gets very attached to certain things - and despite being bold enough to use the knowledge she has due to her telepathy in order to make Loid do what she wants, she's not exactly a spoiled kid. She still sticks to Mr. Chimera, the only toy she had while she was in the orphanage. She doesn't ask for new clothes, or toys, or gadgets, what she asks for is experiences (the castle rescue, adopting Bond in specific after she was emotionally invested in him)... and peanuts, too.

So to her, the penguin plush is not just one toy from her plethora of toys that got ruined. It's a toy that her dad got for her. It's a souvenir of their aquarium adventure, where she helped him locate the penguin he needed to find and even arrest the criminal who wanted to get the secret information about the weapon. It's a reminder of how she took part and helped him in his mission. Just a replacement stuffed penguin won't do. It's not the toy itself, it's the memories connected to it. I mean, of course she's sad a toy of her got destroyed - by the dog she asked to have, no less - but it hurts even more knowing what this toy means to her.

And the show takes Anya's feelings seriously with that. The soft "Little by Little" score plays while Loid fixes the penguin, with Yor looking with anticipation. Bond feels sad and regretful, understanding the consequences of his actions and wanting to make it up to Anya. They're all invested in things getting better.

And once the penguin is ready, though with visible "scars" now, Loid reassures Anya that his new appearance is nothing to be ashamed of.

And the interesting thing? Twilight, Best Spy of Westalis, Master of DisguiseTM... stutters. He does so in Japanese both in the manga and the anime.

Which makes me wonder, considering his background and profession, how big his experience with scars is (and if we're gonna learn more about that, come on give the whump fan some scraps here 👀👀) (pls don't spoil me about the manga if we do, I want the whump but on its own time!) and if reaching into his own personal feelings about scars in order to resonate with Anya hit him just a little more than he expected. Or if he was so serious about it that he didn't know whether he should tell her something so grim. He's here dedicating himself into a deadly dangerous job so that kids like Anya won't have to suffer like he did as a kid, and yet he has to pass on to her something he learned the hard way.

Yeah yeah I'm here putting too much thought and grimness into what was supposed to be a wholesome moment. Hi I'm Nette and you'll be getting a lot of those in the future :)

#Spy x Family #Anya Forger #Loid Forger #sxf meta #500 #1k #2k #3k

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ultralightpoe · 8 months

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Spellbound Part 2 - Geralt of Rivia

Authors Note: Sorry it took so long, I just really had no clue how to do the first part justice

Word Count: 3,876

Warnings: reader is a brothel worker

Description:Part two to the first. FIRST PART HERE

Enjoy!

There were many times in Geralt's life where he felt an undeniable rage, and there were many times that he let that rage affect him until he was forced to suffer the consequences of all his actions. He had learned over the years that there were ways of handling his rage, there were ways of dealing with sadness and pain.

He had been through so much, and yet he stood, and he always told himself that it would be worth it. Soon enough he would find something that would make it all worth it, and he had found that in you.

Your soul matched his in a way he never thought possible, and though you didn’t have the same physical scars you had both been through more than you can imagine. And he always found himself gravitating to you, the one person in the world that he felt never judged or expected anything from him.

Sure, he obviously did not know how to deal with this. He never knew how to talk to you, what to say and when to say it, and he really did not know how to seem casual just as Jaskier always could. Not to mention he was constantly worried about losing you. He felt like a flame, loving something so much and trying to engulf it into warmth only for it to burn and vanish.

You had been through so much, he never wanted you to burn and he couldn’t imagine a life without you.

So, even if he couldn’t show emotion or manage to properly show his love, he allowed Jaskier to grow close to you. Geralt made sure that you were physically safe, warm and fed. It was the least he could do.

He never wanted to leave you wanting for anything, and he desperately tried to find ways to show you yet nothing ever worked.

But then you were his, for one small moment he had you and he felt as though everything was worth it again. He would burn the world down for you, slay any monster and batter any mortal. It was all yours for the taking…

Until you burned.

How ironic, how hard he fought to keep you at arms length only to lose the battle in a split moment, and be proven right just like that.

Now you were gone.

He knew exactly where you were, had already tried to get you, only to be stopped at the door each time. Each time he was stopped he wanted to crush their skulls, storm up to wherever they were keeping you and try to explain.

He would drag you out the door himself just to make sure you never had to do this again. But there were laws, as well as contracts. He would never be allowed to see you unless he could pay the fee, and you would never be allowed to leave unless you could buy out your contract.

If he managed to get to you and help you escape there would still be the hassle of everyone hunting you down, and word spreads from town to town quickly when it comes to Witchers.

“How much?” He growls, keeping his eyes narrowed in on the older woman before him, watching her lean back on her chair and fix her dress. She was unlike any other brothel owner he had come across, the others always had a protective notion for the girls. This one seemed vindictive in every word she spoke.

“Witcher, I have told ye the last 4 times ye have been here that she is not for sale.” She laughs, reaching a foot out to kick the pouch of gold he had laid on the table in front of her. Her dress rides up exposing a very scarred leg, and his stomach tightens at the atrocities you must be going through with this hag and any man she rented you out to. “Y/n is the emerald of all brothels, before she came upon mine she was already widely known for her beauty, not to mention her time with the Witcher? Men are practically killing themselves to have a moment with her. I stand to make more keeping her than I ever would selling her back to you.”

“Her contract-”

“Has another 4 years under my roof. By the end of that I could be far far away from this continent. Don’t you understand?” She leans forward, knocking the satchels down and watching all the gold pieces fall on the ground.

That had been 4 months work, 4 months of Geralt working himself to the bone and saving up in a chance to save you. He hadn’t eaten properly or slept more than 2 hours a night in that span of time.

Images flash through his mind, him ringing this wenches neck in or slamming her head into the fire. Maybe he could slice her head off in one clean motion.

But he doesn’t, because he understands the consequences. So he bites his tongue and stands straighter. “I just want to see her-”

“Then you pay, just as everyone else.” The Madame sneers, leaning across the table. “I don’t give a fuck if you love her witcher, though I don’t believe you are even capable of that, my rules stay the same. You want to see her then you pay for her time.”

He leans forward, smirking a bit when her attitude drops in fear for a moment, before tilting his head. “Then how fucking much?”

“I really do not believe you were worth 230 gold pieces-” Lord Servail huffs, struggling to shove himself back into his trousers. You struggled not to roll your eyes as you sat up, pulling the sheet to cover yourself and looking at the floorboards of the raggedy room.

You had learned that the men of this village did not like to be watched, most of them married and most of them carrying guilt. You had merely assumed Lord Servail to be the same.

“Have you nothing to say, whore?” He bellows, walking across the room to grab at your chin. A moment of panic sinks in, one hand holding the sheet tight while the other grabs at his wrist in an attempt to free yourself.

“I do not understand what you mean, sir-”

“You are boring! You just laid there like a fucking corpse-”

“That didn’t seem to stop you from finishing within a minute-” The slap sounds out and for a second you wonder what he hit, then you open your eyes and feel the stinging on your cheek to realize it had been you.

A bitter laugh slips past your lips as you taste the iron.

Blood trails down past your lips as tears spring up in your eyes, the sheets under you stained and ripped from the past month. You think of Geralt in this moment, wishing that you were near him even if he ignored you.

There had always been a calming factor to the witcher that you never understood, maybe it was a feeling of safety or maybe you just liked that he never showed much anger. He took anything that affected him and made a rational judgment.

He was a man of trust, and he had never let anything harm you. Sure he yelled at you when he thought you stupid, and made condescending remarks, but you never felt as though he would lay a hand on you.

“Is that all?” You sniffle, reaching a hand up to stop the blood as he steps back. The man stares at you before yelling out and storming out of the room, shirt untied as well as the trousers. You hear him yelling at your Madame before he leaves and you move over to the basin in the corner to clean yourself off.

You clean your nose before moving to clean your legs, letting the tears fall freely as you hear her heels come down the hall.

“You’ve just cost yerself yer pay, I’ll tell you that much.” Madame snaps, the door swinging hard enough to make the wall shake as she marches in. “I told ye that Lord Servail was a valued client and you-”

“Smiled pretty and let him cum. He really didn’t complain much until it came time to pay.” You snark, watching her face pull up. “Have I any news? Anyone come to see me?”

It had been a month, and you had kept hoping that maybe Geralt or Jaskier would come to see you. At least try to get you back, but nothing. No letters, no visits, nothing.

“Yer Witcher isn’t comin for ya’. So I suggest you fix yerself up and get back to work.” The Madame snarls, tossing the silk robe at you before storming back out.

That lonely feeling that clung to you the day you left never seemed to fade, it folds in around you now as you pull into yourself. Knees hugged to your chest as you hide your face and cry.

Truly what did you expect? That he would come pounding on the door? Try to save you? The salty taste of the tears mixes in with the iron as you sob. You had been foolish, so very foolish.

Geralt must be at least 6 towns away by now, barely even thinking of you.

“I am terribly sorry to inform ye, Witcher, that my emerald is stacked up for the next week and a half.”

“Bullshit.”

She snarls at him, standing quickly and snatching a heavy book from the desk behind her before slamming it on the table. “Take a fucking look then.”

He doesn’t waste a moment, snapping through the pages one by one until he reaches your ledgers. Your handwriting is at the top, neat and clean from the ink, dated that day you dashed from the tavern.

The very same day he had raced over here to see you.

The day after he had you in his arms.

The memory of it flashes through him, the way he snatched you like a caveman. He tries to reason with himself that he believed it to be consensual, that he hadn’t realized you were under a spell. But it didn’t matter.

He treated you in a way he swore to himself he never would, and he made you so uncomfortable that you ran.

Bile rises in his throat as embarrassment and guilt claw through him, he snaps through your pages to see dozens of signatures on each page. “You have her seeing twelve clients each day?”

“This is a busin-”

“Is she eating enough? Sleeping enough? Are you giving her proper time to rest?”

“I’m not a fucking babysitter-”

“If you are abusing your contract then she has a right to leave!”

She stares at him, watching for a moment with wide eyes as her cheeks go red. Then she fixes herself, clearing her throat before shouting out loud. “BOYS!” He doesn’t fight it as they grab both of his arms, instead he lets them carry him to the door and throw him to the mud below.

“Guessing she didn’t take it?” Jaskier asks, watching Geralt pick himself up, checking to make sure he still had the satchel of gold. “Surprise surprise.”

All Geralt could do at this point was grunt, moving towards Roach as the barb fixes his coat.

“I have another job, heard whispers of a screaming creature in the woods not far off from here. Figured you’d want to go out and make more gold so we can do this all again over and over and over.”

“She’s overworking her, I just know it. Not enough time to eat or sleep-”

“Geralt, as much as I love Y/n, I think we need to….evaluate our current situation.”

“I NEED TO -”

“Get to her. I know. I’m not saying anything otherwise. I just want you to think about whether you want her to see you like this.”

“I want to see her safe.”

“And Y/n would want the same of you. Besides, we obviously have no power against the brothel system.”

“I have fought countless beasts-”

“And I am still your only friend. It’s time you admit it Witcher, humans aren’t your best expertise.”

If this was any other moment Geralt would ignore him, hop onto Roach and pretend the worm didn’t exist. But he was tired, so tired he truly didn’t think he could even climb onto the horse.

“Then what do you suggest?”

“First? Sleep. Then? We find an outside source.”

Two months in and winter had finally come.

You found yourself huddling together with Snae, a brothel worker that had been here a little longer than you, but hadn’t been that much older. This had been the first night you both had off this entire time, and it hadn’t been a purposeful thing.

There had been a ball in the village, apparently a beast had been slaughtered and most of the nobles and rich men left in their carriages far away. Which meant you were free to huddle close to your friend for warmth as you tried to fight off the winter air.

“I imagined this brothel warmer.” She sniffles, pressing her forehead to your arm as you shiver. “I was told this was one of the best-”

“It is….. To their guests.” You laugh, tired and aching. Honestly you could barely move, and you hadn’t managed to make it at dinner hour since you had been with a client. But Snae was nice enough to sneak you in a roll of bread.

“I want to get out of here.” She admits in a quick breath, and you can’t help but smile at the admission.

You had often imagined ways you would escape, but the truth was you had nowhere to go and no one to leave for. What would you have if you left here? Nothing.

So instead you close your eyes, and lean into her as you whisper. “Where would you go?”

“Home. To find my sister.”

“You have a family?”

“A little sister, it’s why I am here. I wanted to make sure she had something to pay for food.” Something tears at your chest, and within a moment you think of a plan.

“Then let’s get you out of here.”

It takes a mere 30 minutes to pack her a travel pack using a sheet from the bed, rushing to your room to pick up the floorboard where you keep the little pay you make, 10 silver coins. Tossing them in her satchel before tiptoeing to the attic where the largest window was.

“Shhh.” You whisper when she slips, the wood beneath her scraping under her shoe. Helping her stand before moving to the window. Unlatching it was easy, the winter air covering both of you in a moment. “You swill slide from this section to the next. Until you make it to that tree.”

“You go first.”

“I am not coming.” You laugh, clearing some of the snow from the sill.

“You must.”

“No, I have nothing. Besides, one of us needs to stay and give you time.”

“Y/n-”

“If she begins hunting you then go and find the witcher. Do you hear me?”

“He wouldn’t help someone like me.” She laughs, and you merely stare at her.

“I think you would be surprised of just how good of a person the Witcher is, though he likes to pretend he is not.”

“What should I say to him if I must find him?”

“That the Geralt I know would keep you safe. Now go.”

You help her climb up the sill and onto the roof, watching her slide down in the flimsy robe Madame forces you to wear and make sure she makes it to the tree safely before closing the window.

You allow yourself one moment to press your forehead against the cold glass of it, your breath hitting the glass to form a smudge. You imagine escaping yourself, maybe going out to find Jaskier.

But that was unrealistic.

And you were obviously unwanted.

“Please, it’s very important-” A strong female voice fills the air as Geralt breathes in the scent of roast and ale. There was also smoke from the fires but he was far too hungry to admire that scent on it’s own. “They said that he was here and-”

“First round of ale on me.” Jaskier sings out, moving to the counter as Geralt rolls his eyes. Jaskier was carrying his gold sack so truly the first round was on him.

He was six villages away from you right now, landing at a cheap tavern for the night before they set up camp. They were here to listen for jobs.

The plan, as terrible as it was, had been to travel to find Yennefer and along the way they would earn some extra gold. That way when they go they can send the witch in to make the deal, or at least pretend to make the deal as she can try to sneak you out.

It was a terrible plan……. Because it was Jaskiers plan.

“Please, I need to find the witcher.” That draws Geralt's attention away from the hearth he had been glaring into, head whipping to spot the young woman clutching the shoulders of a little girl as she begs the man once more. “If you could just tell me where he would be staying-”

“Witchers aren’t allowed in the fucking taverns here, so shut yer trap before I put it to work-.” Before Geralt could stop himself his hand is shooting out, catching the man by the back of the neck. At his movement the hood he had been wearing falls and the people around him all quiet down.

The womens eyes fall to him, widening. “You are just as Y/n described.”

Something tightens in his chest at the mention of your name, and he finds himself nodding to Jaskier to lead the girl outside. The air hits him, the warmth gone but there was nothing that would hinder him from the conversation.

“You know Y/n?” His voice is rough, the heat traveling his skin hiding him from the cold. The woman's eyes are filled with tears and the young girl is shoving her face in the smallest scrap of dress he had seen, so in one quick moment he rips his hood off to hand to them. “Is that what you wear in this cold?” “Please, I… I’m from the same brothel as Y/n and she helped me escape. All my money has gone to keeping my sister warm….. Y/n said that you would help. She said the Geralt she knew would help.”

“Where is she?” His heart is thundering through his ribcage at this point, and he can see Jaskier emerging from the tavern. “Did she make it-”

“She didn’t come.”

“Why?”

“Probably scared she wouldn’t make it out. Or might believe she is all alone and has nothing to escape for.” The feminine voice makes Geralt jump through his skin. Suddenly she is there, smelling of smoke and lavender.

“Yennefer.” Jaskier gasps, but Geralt hadn’t needed him to let him know.

“Tell me, Geralt of Rivia, about the woman who broke the witcher.”

You were no longer tired at this point, truly you were nothing.

You didn’t speak, missed more meal times than not from being stuck with clients and at this point you didn’t seem to care. You were just breathing, and that was as much energy as you can muster.

Three months into this place had truly broken you.

Yennefer thought this place smelled of urine and death, and though she respected the females brave enough to work here she had absolutely no fucking clue why any man would risk stepping in here.

One look at the young girl passing her with a bruise on her cheek told her all she needed to know. The men that came here didn’t care about anything but getting themselves wet and letting off some steam.

“I have a room upstairs, I charge 50 a month in rent, half your earnings are to the house and the rest belong to you.” A voice sounds out, drawing Yennerfers attention away from the young girl with the bruise, back to the raggedy woman sitting at the counter.

“Excuse me?”

“I have a room for ye-”

“I’m not here for a room. I’m here for a girl.”

“Really?”

Yennefer slaps 2 gold coins onto the counter, a smirk crossing her face as the woman's eyes widen in greed. “I was told you had an emerald here.”

“You’re here for Y/n….only problem there is it’s double for her time.” Yennefer sighs, taking out one more coin and slapping it down. “I said double.”

“And I am willing to go and tell the town that your girls are sick.”

“What do you want with Y/n?”

“I figured you wouldn’t need me to explain how your business works but if you need a lesson in fucking then you would have to pay ME double.”

“She is in the top room. Don’t bother knocking.” And just like that Yennefer is moving, picking up her skirts to walk up the steps, trying not to breathe in the smells as she reaches your room.

Just as the brothel worker said she doesn’t bother knocking, and it was clear why when she walked in.

The beauty Geralt had described last night was still there, just one look and even Yennefer was nearly at a loss for words. But the spark, the light of you was gone. You stared at the wall before you, empty and gone.

“Y/n?” She calls, closing the door behind her. “Y/n…”

“I can’t….she said I’d have a day.” You sob, pulling into yourself.

“You’ll have more than a day, I can promise that.” Yennefer smiles, moving closer slowly. “Your witcher has sent me.”

“My witcher?” There it was, some of that spark. “He’s gonna be mad at me.”

“Now that I can swear on. Come.”

Geralt stood pacing back and forth on the pathway as he waited for Yennefers portal to open, his heart in his throat and his eyes glued to the space before him.

Jaskier waited at the inn they had found with the girl you had saved, Snae. But for now it would just be him waiting for Yennefer, far enough from the town that they would have a head start if anyone went looking for you whilst the rest would cause a stir and send them on a chase.

They had learned from Snae that Madame had sent a bounty out on her, so Geralt could only imagine what she would do to you. ‘Her emerald’.

Then it was there, forming like a cloud at first until it got bigger and bigger until it began showing like a mirror.

Then Yennefers hand came through and Geralt found himself launching forward as she stepped through, both arms wrapped around…..you.

He was there, his hands on you as soon as he could, keeping you upright as Yennefer lets go. “Y/n.”

“Please don’t be mad.” You whisper.

“What has she done to you…..”

Part 3 on October 30th

@sagelovesreading

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afterglowkatie · 1 month

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vulnerable | c.f.

caitlin foord x reader | 1.9k | you didn't realise how much caitlin meant to you until a missed opportunity to be vulnerable pushes her away for good

ˏˋ°•*⁀pure angst with no happy ending for reader :) also reader has like negative self thoughts and definitely not a stable mental health and not great childhood (mentions parents not being good parents etc). arsenal/matildas!reader :)

‘You can’t keep shutting me out,’ Caitlin threw her hands up, frustrated to be having this conversation with you yet again, ‘We’re meant to be partners, we’re supposed to be able to communicate about things like this,’ her voice was shaky and started to fade away while she spoke to you. All Caitlin wanted was for you to listen to her, to listen and to see some change in your actions. Though every time she felt like her words just fell on deaf ears.

‘Cait, I’m not shutting you out,’ You sighed. You sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself of that instead of your girlfriend. For the first time since you both arrived back at your apartment you looked up at Caitlin. You couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt knowing you were the cause of her bloodshot eyes, holding back tears that threatened to fall at any moment.

‘Bullshit,’ You looked away from her. The worst part of it all was that Caitlin could read you like you were an open book. That’s what years of friendship does. All throughout youth camps you had been each other's rock, always leaning on each other becoming almost inseparable when you were younger until the lines of friendship blurred into something more. So it’s not a surprise when she’s able to call you out on this.

It’s not entirely your fault for the way you are, at least that’s what you like to tell yourself instead of being responsible for the consequences of your actions. Your childhood was fine until it wasn’t. Until your parents' marriage broke down when you were little and all the love they held for each other turned into anger and hatred. Anger and hatred that eventually seeped into the way they treated you. They stopped showing their love towards you, not even able to recall the last time they uttered the words ‘I love you’ to you or hugged you or any ounce of affection.

At a young age you started to feel like a monster that wasn’t able to be loved. You just wanted to be good enough to be loved, but you convinced yourself that you weren’t. You weren’t good enough but maybe you could try to be. So you masked the pain throughout your teenage years and into early adulthood and gave your teammates and friends the love that you longed to receive.

Though you never really did let anyone in enough, afraid they would be able to undo years and years of masking and see the real you and then deciding to get rid of you. But that’s exactly what Cailtin had done. You didn’t plan on falling in love with anyone, especially not your best friend. You hadn’t told her much about your parents or childhood, nothing specific at least. No one, not even Caitlin knew how your parents treated you or these dark thoughts about yourself that plagued your mind.

You confided in Beth when you realised you and Caitlin had fallen for each other, afraid of what to do. Though she convinced you it was okay to let someone in enough to love you like you deserved to be loved. Trying to allow that for yourself, everything had seemed fine in the beginning of your relationship with Caitlin. But you couldn’t help the voice in the back of your head reminding you of your childhood. Reminding you that your own parents couldn’t love you so how did you expect that someone like Caitlin could possibly love you.

You knew it wasn’t an excuse but you also didn’t know how to get rid of that voice, you didn’t know how to ask for help. So you left it to grow louder causing you to continuously shut Caitlin out, despite what you actually wanted. In the start Caitlin thought you were opening up to her, that she was learning more about you things that she wouldn’t have known by being just your friend. Though she was quick to learn that you had mastered the art of seeming like you were being vulnerable without actually telling her anything too personal.

This wasn’t the first time she had confronted you about this. Each time you promised her that you would try harder, assuring her that your relationship was important enough that you could work through whatever it was that had you shutting Caitlin out and pushing her away. You had been trying, you wish how much you could actually tell Caitlin that you were trying, wanting her to be able to see through you and notice your silent struggle and plea for help. You just couldn’t find the voice to do that.

‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Caitlin broke the silence. Her voice was barely above that of a whisper but it was still loud enough to be heard between the both of you. Caitlin thought you had been making progress with her but she had instead lying to herself and trying to see something that you just weren’t doing. The love she held for you had made her start to see things in you that weren’t there. By being in love with you Caitlin was hurting herself. It pained you to see the person you love the most being affected by your actions. Even as you were about to lose Caitlin you still couldn’t break free from your mind, instead you held back your own tears, face emotionless while you tried to believe that this would be for the best.

Caitlin stared at you, tears freely falling down her face, she shook her head. She couldn’t believe she had let herself be put in this situation. With you of all people, the one person she trusted the most. Caitlin had always been the one to love the other more, so when it came to you she really thought everything was going to be different, but when it wasn’t it hurt her so much more. You not loving her back in the way that Caitlin needed you to was slowly pulling her apart. The anger was slowly rising inside herself, more angry at herself than you, ‘You’re pathetic, a coward. You can’t even look at me, did you even love me?’

Caitlin couldn’t help but voice every thought that was racing through her mind. It was the only way she could keep herself grounded instead of spiralling from the disbelief that you weren’t even willing to fight for her, for your relationship.

‘Cait-’

‘No,’ Caitlin cut you off, turning her head away from you, ‘I don’t want to hear the answer. We’re over. I can’t believe I’m saying that,’ The anger subsided and her voice fading back into an almost whisper with a slight rasp from crying, ‘I put all my trust, all of my heart into this relationship and you’re just going to let it go. This isn’t just a year of a relationship but years of friendship you’re letting go of. Do you even realise that? Do you even care because you don’t seem to,’ When you turned your head away from Caitlin and back to the ground did the realisation flood her face. Never trying to speak or deny what she was saying, Caitlin took it as though you were admitting to everything she was saying.

It wasn’t until Caitlin walked out of your apartment that you let yourself break. Falling to the ground, knees to your chest whispering out everything you wanted to say to her. Everything you wished you could have told her. Everything you never allowed anyone but yourself to hear.

It wasn’t a surprise that Caitlin avoided you where she could. It wasn’t always possible with training and the games so to make things easier on her, you had negotiated so that you could take some time away from arsenal. With the acl squad having returned to the pitch no one could deny that you weren’t needed, allowing you to take this time away from the club.

You stayed in your apartment, wallowing in your own self pity. Some of your teammates had tried to reach out and see what was going on, having noticed you weren’t showing up to training or being put on the match day roster. Since the club was vague they tried to talk to you first. Though you dismissed their concerns saying you were fine and leaving it at that. Cailtin had told the team of the breakup when talks and rumours regarding you started floating around the team. She left out most of the details so now you were left with getting messages asking how you were holding up and if you were okay.

The messages only fueled your mind, fueled the self pity you had decided to wallow in. Only being able to see all the times you broke Caitlin’s heart and realising how miserable you had made the one person you loved the most. Trying to not be anything like your parents you had only found yourself acting just like they had.

This lasted a while, even when you went back to training you kept your eyes down and barely interacted with anyone. Though one day during the off-season it was like your mind had cleared and you realised just how much you missed Caitlin. All you had been thinking about for the last month was how much you missed different aspects about her. You missed the way she would talk to you for hours on any little thing that came into her mind. You missed the way she would always try to make you laugh and smile doing silly tricks with the ball. You missed the way her eyes softened as she smiled.

You knew the team was gathering at this bar tonight, not far from your apartment. You hadn’t gone out with them in a little while and you did miss spending time with everyone, even if you had one objective for tonight it would still be fun to see them all. What Caitlin had said about you was right, but now you wanted to prove to her that you could give her what she needed without being afraid.

Greeting the team when you arrived, you were too focused on finding the one familiar face you wanted to see, that you missed the sad smile Beth had greeted you with. Subtly trying to find Caitlin’s face amongst the team, you had turned your head away from the group when you saw them together. Caitlin and Katie, sitting a little bit away from the rest and a bit too close to just be friendly. The more you pushed Caitlin away you didn’t realise you had pushed her into the arms of someone else.

Beth pushed a drink into your hand and grabbed you to sit with them, trying to focus on the conversation that was floating around you. But you were only focused on them. Engaging in conversations where you could so it wasn’t obvious. You watched them from afar, Caitlin’s head thrown back, her laugh drowning out any other sound in that bar. Your heart ached, watching what could’ve been you and Caitlin if you had allowed yourself to be vulnerable that day instead of letting her walk out of your apartment.

So you drank more than you should’ve that night, Beth and Viv helping you to their place wanting to keep an eye on you. Beating yourself up with how easy everything you should’ve done seemed now that you knew there wasn’t ever going to be a second chance with Caitlin.

It was bittersweet. Every time you saw Caitlin and Katie together from that moment in the bar, thinking how it could be you in place of Katie. Being the one to make her smile and laugh the way she did. But it wasn’t and that was something you had to live with. Though you were glad. Glad that Caitlin had found someone who could give her everything you couldn’t.

#caitlin foord #caitlin foord x reader #caitlin foord x you #awfc #arsenal #arsenal women #arsenal wfc #woso imagine #woso one shot #woso fanfics #woso soccer #woso x reader #woso community #auswnt #matildas

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tarotwithavi · 10 months

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Messages from Aphrodite 🐚 🕊️

Piles : 1~2~3

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and gently close your eyes. Politely request your spirit guides to reveal the appropriate pile meant for you, then open your eyes. Whichever pile captures your attention is the one meant for you.

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Pile 1

Aphrodite wants you to know that things get worse sometimes, they don't go the way we want them to. I know it sucks but that's just how it is. You shouldn't stress out or get upset over something that isn't in your control. You've been working really hard and haven't gotten the results you should get. Don't worry everyone has their own pace. She wants you to know that you shouldn't give up yet. Keep on working and you'll be really grateful that you didn't give up one year from now.

She wants you to know that love begins within oneself. You won't experience true love until you learn to appreciate the love you have for yourself.

I'm also getting that she is sending lots of blessings into your life. And you might already be experiencing some of them right now. Don't worry things will only get better from now on. For some of you, you'll have to choose between two love interests. And she is telling you to ask her for guidance before making the choice.

Pile 2

Aphrodite has recognised your efforts. She acknowledges the effort you have been putting in mastering that skill. She is really proud of you. She wants you to know that you'll soon have to face a huge crowd and this is especially for you to let your talents shine. I'm getting that you're going to be put into a situation where you'll have to face your fear of recognition. I feel like some of you fear being recognised as you believe it'll attract unwanted attention to you. And I'm also getting that in the upcoming days someone might approach you for their own profit. This person could be really famous in your work area/school/University.

You'll be recognised by your teachers/boss/ higher authorities and I promise you, you'll be really grateful for the opportunity that is coming your way. However I do want you to be careful of letting people know too much about yourself. Especially about your finances and how you manage your money.

Most of your blessings are related to work/career/studies/finances. You might not be focusing on love right now , rather Your focusing on improving yourself. Which is really appreciated by Aphrodite. She wants you to put yourself first.

Pile 3

I heard "Justice is going to be served" . Aphrodite wants you to know that people who have treated you badly are going to face the consequences of their actions. And it is going to be in front of you. People are going to ask for apology and take accountability for their actions. Also she wants you to know that she is with you no matter what. Someone here has been bullied for having monolid eyes. And some have been bullied for "not fitting in". You have been made fun of for the way you looked and the people who said those hurtful words are going to have their downfall right in front of your eyes.

You're going to shine and people are going to talk about you, how much you have changed and Your recent glow up has people going crazy. Some of you may be doubting yourself. Aphrodite wants you to know that you're blessed by her. And someone who has been blessed by her is everything but "not beautiful"

Some of you are going to travel to the place you always wanted to in just a few weeks. I'm also seeing international travel.

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thetreefairy · 10 months

Note

Is it alright if I request Yandere father Gojo satoru where his daughters ability is to control time since Gojo has absolute control over space at an atomic level and she also has infinity but he never taught her how to use it but durining the shibuya arc she either reverses or stopped time to save a couple of people a d stop certain events from happpening (if this is too much you do t have to do the whole shibuya arc part )

Sorry that this is long anyways have a nice night/day ( `ε´ )

Since I have not watched season 2 yet, I am not doing the shibuya arc part. Since you also specified fem pronouns, the reader will be fem.

edit: hehehe, I forgot to say: have a nice day as well and I loved this request :D

warnings: yandere themes, isolation mentioned (I do not condone this and if you can seek help please do), Gojo is a piece of shit and two-faced, Reader is done with life, swearing because author is in pain and sick and when the author is sick they swear a lot, vague ending

I don't understand the ability completely, but I made it so that if you didn't master it properly you can get hurt when you use the ability (which might actually be apart of it, but my memory is shit)

Ko-fi

Consequences and actions

Goji Satoru was the first sorcerer to be born with limitless and six eyes in 400 years, so truly he was surprised when he saw that his daughter had them too. It was weaker than his, yes.

But he didn't know what to do. He didn't want his daughter to master both because then she wouldn't need him anymore.

"Dad can you teach me use both?" Reader had once asked, and his answer was: "There is no reason for you to learn."

It frustrated Reader to no end, she had the abilities but she wasn't allowed to develop and become a full-pledged sorcerer.

Satoru could understand Reader's frustration to an extent, but after a while of you complaining and begging to start training, he started to get annoyed.

"Reader, if you don't stop complaining right now, you will lose your communication privileges." Satoru hissed. Reader scoffed and muttered; "You should just call it isolation."

"Watch your mouth." Satoru hissed. "That's no way to speak to your father."

Reader rolled her eyes. "I just don't get why." Satoru sighed and spoke softl; "It's too dangerous, you would get on the curses radar and right now I got the world believing that you are just a child with no special powers, with no grade."

"When you are gone." Reader started. "How will I be able to protect myself if you aren't here?"

"That's not for you to worry about, now stop complaining and whining about it."

Unfortunately for Satoru his students like Reader more than him, so they helped her with learning how to control their abilities. Well to the best of their extent.

So when Reader had been good in Satoru's opinion she could tag along on a school mission. "Remember, if there is a fight run don't fight. I'll find you with your tracker."

"Wait what tracker-"

"Excuse me I misspoke. Habits, I meant habits." Satoru lied quickly with a grin and kissed Reader' forehead, sounding rather soft. "Now can you promise me you'll stay out of the way before we meet with the class?"

Reader nodded and hugged Satoru. "Thank you dad for taking me with you."

"No problem, kid." Satoru chuckled.

Unfortunately for Reader she couldn't keep that promise. Out of instinct she protected Satoru and Yuji for a curse that suddenly appeared. What was worse is that she used her abilities.

But using your abilities out of instinct can hurt you quite a lot, Reader started to bleed out of her eyes..

"D-dad." Reader muttered out. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

Satoru brushed away Reader's blood stained tears. "It's okay, you did it out of instinct." This caused Reader to become confused. "Y-you aren't mad?"

"Baby, you are injured you think I will be mad right now?" Satoru asked Megumi to grab his eye cream and used it on you. "Class dismissed."

Satoru took Reader home, unexpectedly calm. Causing Reader to feel like a storm was coming. Satoru was making her a drink when he asked: "You trained your abilities, didn't you?"

Reader tensed up and nodded slowly. It was better to be truthful, right now. "... I suppose I cannot be that angry as it might have saved your life." Satoru muttered with a frown. "Drink this."

A glass of soda was put infront of her. Reader drank it, she was quite de-hydrated. "Thank you, papa."

"Why did you train without my permission?" Satoru asked. "I want to be able to protect myself." She admitted. "So that you can trust me with going out more."

Satoru chuckled as her eyes became dazy. "Perhaps you should figure out when your drink is spiked then."

Reader stood up and stepped back in shock.

"Awh, did you really think you wouldn't be punished?" He grinned. "How cute my dear daughter."

She tried to back away knowing full well what will happen.

"Maybe I should break your legs." Satoru mumbled doing a fake thoughtful look. "I got it!"

"Dad, please."

"I will make sure that you fully understand my love!" Reader knew what this meant, being locked up, and much more. "Maybe I should get you another parent to help with that as well..."

Oh, that was new.

"But I don't want to share you at all...."

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engie-ivy · 10 months

Text

@wolfstarmicrofic 5th August: Holiday

2292 words (turned out not that micro😬)

Lyall Lupin wants Sirius Black to learn the consequences of his actions. But as it turns out, it's Lyall himself who has something to learn about the consequences of Sirius’ actions.

Consequences

“So what you’re saying is, you didn’t miss me at all?”

Remus turns to look at Sirius, who has a teasing smile on his face. He shoves him playfully as they make their way across the trail back to the farm. “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.” He shakes his head. “I’m just saying summer has been kinda great, that’s all. Since I couldn’t make it home for Christmas because of the moon, mum’s been looking forward to the summer holiday to have her family all together again, and she’s determined to make it the best summer ever. We’ve been having homemade pies and elaborate breakfasts with freshly baked bread, we’ve been going on long walks through the hills and picnicking in the field, we’ve been going out for dinner or gone to get ice cream in the nearby village, or just visiting other towns to see the sights.” He sighs contently. “Yeah, it’s been pretty good.”

Sirius gives Remus a soft smile. “That sounds amazing. And I’m glad, as long as you don’t forget to miss me sometimes.”

Remus stops walking, turns to Sirius and wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. “You know I do,” he says, pressing his face against Sirius’ neck and breathing him in. “I always miss you when you’re not around.”

Sirius wraps his arms around Remus’ waist and pulls him even closer. “I know,” he whispers against his hair.

Remus releases him and presses a kiss against his lips, because he can do that now. “Really,” he says as he takes Sirius’ hand in his, because he can also do that now, as they make their way down the hill before the crisp morning air will be replaced by the summer heat. “The only thing that would’ve made this summer better would’ve been you being around.”

“I could be,” Sirius says carefully. “Around, I mean. Not all the time, of course. I understand you need family time. But I could come over sometimes?”

Remus averts his eyes. “I don’t know, Sirius. You know how my father feels about your family. He’s still wary about us being friends. I don’t know if he should find out about this-” he gestures at their joint hands “-just yet.”

“I am not my family,” Sirius says curtly.

“I know that,” Remus says. “But my father doesn’t.”

“And he never will if you don’t let me spend any time with him!”

“That’s not fair,” Remus says softly.

“No,” Sirius agrees. “It isn’t.”

They stay silent for a moment. Remus is relieved Sirius doesn’t retract his hand.

“It isn’t even about my dad,” Remus says after a moment. “Not really. But if my dad reacts badly to you, it’ll create tension between my dad and I, and I fear that’ll upset my mum. She’s been doing so good lately, her mood has been stable for a long time, and she’s been so cheerful, especially this summer... She’s been looking forward to having the family together for so long, and it means so much to her, I don’t want to ruin it for her.”

“I get that,” Sirius says, giving Remus’ hand a soft squeeze. “Then now is not the time, and that’s okay.”

Remus feels a surge of affection, and gives him a grateful smile.

“You know, I could also come to visit without telling your parents about... the latest development in our relationship,” Sirius offers. “We could let them think we’re just friends, and sneak in some kisses when we’re alone,” he says with a cheeky smile.

Remus chuckles. “As wonderful as that sounds, I don’t think we’ll be fooling anyone. Everyone who sees us together can probably tell we’re hopelessly in love.”

Sirius also laughs. “Good point.”

They stop as they reach the end of the trial, with Remus’ house just around the corner. Birds are singing and the sun is chasing away the morning chill. Remus’ parents will be waking up soon.

Sirius traces a finger over Remus’ cheek. “Can I have another secret visit then tomorrow same time?”

Remus gasps. “Sirius Black offering to get up at the crack of dawn on a day off twice?” He shakes his head. “I must be special.”

“Mmm,” Sirius hums, giving Remus a kiss. “You must be.”

Lyall Lupin yawns as he shuffles out of the bathroom. It feels like the middle of the night, but if he wants to finish shaving all the sheep today, he’ll have to get an early start.

Suddenly, Remus’ bedroom door opens, and Remus quietly slips out.

Lyall blinks. “Remus?”

Remus jumps. “Dad! I... I didn’t see you there. What... What are you doing up?”

“It’s time to shave the sheep,” Lyall replies. “What are you doing out of bed at this hour?”

“Eh, you know,” Remus says, scratching the back of his head. “The... the sheep. Yeah, I wanted to ask you if I can help you with the sheep.”

Lyall smiles at his son and ruffles his hair. “That’s kind of you, lad. But you know that the sheep are always a bit... uneasy around you. It’ll probably take longer with your help, so why don’t you just go back to bed, huh?”

“Yes,” Remus says. “Right. I guess I will. Do that. Then. Eh, good luck, with the sheep.”

“Thanks, lad,” Lyall says. He might need it. It’s always a lot of work, and with each passing year, he can really feel he’s getting older. Remus’ help would’ve been very welcome, but with the sheep’s reaction to his presence, it’ll do more harm than good. He watches his son go back into his room. “You enjoy some extra hours of sleep,” he tells him.

Lyall walks around the house carrying his equipment, on his way to the sheep shed. As he rounds the corner, he stops in his tracks. For a brief moment, he thinks that a bear has gotten on his property, but quickly he sees that it’s actually a dog, a huge dog. The dog is staring intently at the back door, his head slightly tilted, in a very un-doglike manner.

Lyall frowns and without hesitation stalks over, aiming his wand at the intruder. “I’ve worked at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures for twenty-five years, so don’t bother trying to pretend,” his voice booms through the quiet morning and the dog gives a start. “I can tell the difference between an actual animal and an Animagus,” Lyall continues. “I’m going to give you five seconds to reveal yourself and tell me why you are trespassing on my property and watching my house. One. Two.”

He doesn’t have to count any further, as the dog begins to shift, and moments later, no one other than Sirius Black is hastily scrambling to his feet.

“Black.” The surprise and shock are evident in his voice. A full Animagus, at his age? He must’ve started the process when he was no older than thirteen! But how could anyone accomplish such a feat at that age?

“Mister Lupin,” Black says quickly. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to be trespassing. I swear I have no ill intentions.”

Lyall is still staring at him. It’s unheard of, it’s remarkable, it’s... illegal. As the implication hits him, Lyall narrows his eyes at Black. “You are not on the Registry.”

“No,” Black admits. “No, I am not.”

“You can’t tell me that you weren’t aware of the strict approval procedure and the obligatory registration.”

“I was aware of it, but...”

“But what?” Lyall snaps. “But you didn’t think the rules and regulations applied to you?” He scoffs. “That’s quite a persistent family trait of yours, isn’t it?”

Black’s cheeks flush. “That’s not what it’s like!”

“What else than that inborn arrogance could make you think you can place yourself above the law?” Lyall retorts. He knows that it shouldn’t feel as satisfying as it does to put Black in his place, but he can’t help but think back at the events at his job. When the promotion he had been working so hard for was given to one of Orion Black’s precious pureblood friends instead, simply because the man had pulled some strings and probably paid some money, and the older Black had just sat there smirking when Lyall was being called into the office to be delivered the news, Lyall hadn’t been able to do anything else but say ‘yes, sir’, ‘of course, sir’, and ‘I understand, sir’. He knows that Sirius Black isn’t Orion Black, but with that trademark complexion, sharp features and haughty air, he looks enough like his father for Lyall to be eager to call him out, the way he hadn’t been able to before. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a voice keeps reminding him that it’s not fair to take his frustrations out on the boy, but then again, the boy did break the law, and at least one Black will find out his actions have consequences.

“I couldn’t ask for approval,” Black says defensively. “I was thirteen when I started the process, .”

“Right,” Lyall says. “And of course the idea of Sirius Black not getting his way for once is completely unimaginable. Probably figured you could do whatever you want and there won’t be any consequences.” Because there were never any consequences for the Blacks, were there? Not when they busied themselves with the Dark Arts, not when they bribed Ministry officials, not when they illegally became an Animagus.

Well, this time there would be consequences.

“I will report you to the Ministry,” he tells Black coolly. “You’ll be lucky if you’ll only get expelled, but I don’t think even with your last name, you’re going be that lucky.”

He turns to walk back into the house, when he hears Black speak up “A werewolf is no danger to an Animagus.”

Lyall freezes, then slowly turns back around towards the boy. “What?”

“A werewolf,” Black repeats, looking at Lyall intently, his hands clenched into fists by his side. “Is not dangerous when you’re in an Animagus form. As an Animagus, you can keep him company during the full moon, and, especially as one large enough, you can steer his behaviour. It... helps him. Keeps him distracted, prevents him from hurting himself, calms him down, even. It makes the transformation more bearable.”

Lyall stares at him wide-eyed, his mouth parted in shock. “You...”

“Since second year,” Black answers the unasked question. “It’s why I started the process. Why I had to start the process. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to do it, but I had to try. For Remus, I had to.”

Lyall thinks back to these past years. How, at the start of his fifth year, Remus’ transformations had suddenly become easier somehow. How he was in the Hospital Wing less, suffered less pain, had less injuries and less wounds. He began to not even dread the full moons anymore, ‘it’s really not that bad,’ he had told his parents with a grin.

Hope didn’t have to spend the days surrounding the full moon pacing the room, not eating, withdrawn, pale and scared anymore. Her mood improved, and it was so good to see her smile more often. A burden had been lifted off of all their shoulders.

‘Did you know the transformations could become better with age?’ His wife had asked Lyall, her eyes filled with hope and wonder. He hadn’t known, and truthfully, didn’t really understand, but he thanked Merlin every day for the relief they had been granted, for the happiness of the two people who meant most to him in the world.

Could it be that all this time it hadn’t been Merlin he had to thank, but Sirius Black?

“Report me if you must,” Black says. “But I don’t regret it. While he thought no one could, I did help Remus, so no matter what, it was worth it.”

“Help?” Lyall asks. “You found out, and your reaction was to help?”

A common reaction to finding out you are going to school with a werewolf, let alone share a dorm with a werewolf, would be fear, disgust, reporting it to the Ministry, telling your parents, telling your classmates. It’s how most people would’ve reacted. It’s how I would’ve reacted, Lyall thinks, with a not insignificant amount of shame. ‘Soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death’, that was how he had viewed werewolves, before his own son had become one.

But here Sirius Black had found out, and had not only kept Remus’ secret, but remained his friend and did something dangerous, something that should’ve been impossible, only to help Remus.

But how could a Black, a family of people who always look down their noses at other people, who place themselves above everyone else, and who think they are just naturally born better than others, simply accept? Doesn’t it go against his very nature? It doesn’t make sense to Lyall.

“You don’t make sense to me,” he tells Black.

Black shrugs. “Everything I say and do will make perfect sense of you just keep one factor in mind.”

“And that is?”

“I love Remus,” Black simply says.

Lyall just regards Black for a moment. He begins to think that maybe he actually doesn’t know the boy’s very nature at all. It wouldn’t be the fist time for him to learn that his preconceived notions have been wrong.

It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them.

Isn’t that something he has always tried to teach his son? Maybe it’s time to practice what he preaches? So, give the boy a fair chance?

Lyall nods to himself and then addresses Black.

“So, how are you with sheep?”

#my tumblr writing #wolfstar microfic #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #lyall lupin #remus doesn't match with sheep

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gingiesworld · 10 months

Text

Call Me When You're Sober

Natasha Romanoff x GN! Maximoff Reader

Warnings: Angst. Nothing but angst.

Thank you @ginnsbaker for helping me re-live my emo stage that I haven't really left behind. <3

18+ MINORS DNI

Ever since the accident, Nat has done nothing but drown her sorrows. Even ignoring the help of her partner Y/N Maximoff. Every night was the same for Nat, she would be sat on the sofa, a bottle in her hand as she drowned her sorrows. Every morning was Y/N picking up the empty bottles and throwing them in the recycle.

As the weeks went on and nothing changed, Y/N then went to their sister. Hoping to find some comfort they never had in their apartment.

"She's still drunk?" Wanda questioned as she made two coffees. The twins were out in the yard playing with Vision.

"Yeah. I understand the accident was hard on all of us." Y/N started as Wanda placed the cups in front of them.

"It was hardest on you Y/N. You're the one who has to live with a prosthetic." Wanda stated as Y/N shook their head.

"I feel like I am drowning Wanda." They whispered with sadness in their eyes. "I wish I had died in that accident."

"Don't say that." Wanda told them sternly. "If you want, I can talk to Vis and maybe you can stay here?" Wanda told them as they gave her a small smile.

"I'll be fine Wanda. Thank you." They supped their coffee before they hugged her goodbye, walking to their apartment only to find Nat sat there with yet another bottle in her hand. Y/N sighed before they snatched the bottle from her hand.

"Hey!" Nat slurred as Y/N poured it down the drain. "I was drinking that."

"And now you're not." Y/N stated plainly as they turned to face her. "I am getting sick of this Natasha. I wake up every damn day to the same thing! You passed out and a bottle in your hand. Empty beer bottles littering the counter. Hell, even my own sister who has a family of her own had to help me with my recovery while you drowned your sorrows in a bottle."

"Y/N." She tried as she suddenly remembered the accident.

The two were just coming home from Tony's party, Nat was drunk in the passenger seat as Y/N remained the designated driver.

"Come on Y/N. Let me drive." Nat slurred as Y/N shook their head no. "I promise I'm sober enub."

"If you said enough properly then I may have half believed you." Y/N chuckled at their girlfriend. Not really expecting Nat to try and take the wheel, causing the two to drive off down into the bank and into a tree. Her eyes widened as she noticed that Y/N was out cold as she reached for her phone in her pocket, dialing 911. Not anticipating the consequences of her actions. The life changing injuries that Y/N will have to live with.

"I almost killed you!" Nat yelled as Y/N sighed. "I almost killed you. I was the reason you lost your leg."

"Nat." Y/N started. "You were drunk that night and I was tired. Too fucking tired but right now, I'm exhausted or carrying us, our relationship on my shoulders." Nat shook her head as Y/N couldn't hold in their anger anymore. "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME!! I NEEDED YOU!! I lost my leg and had to learn how to walk again while you were here. Getting drunk and feeling guilty while Wanda helped me through it all."

Y/N looked around and grabbed a bag, ready to leave as Nat followed them unsteadily on her feet.

"Where are you going?" She slurred as she watched Y/N pack some clothes.

"Away from here." Y/N stated as they zipped the bag up. "I can't be here while you don't want to help yourself. I understand you're suffering but so am I and I can't focus on me while you are here getting drunk." Nat watched as Y/N walked passed her. Only stopping them when she grabbed the back of their jacket and knocking them down.

"Please don't leave me." She pleaded as Y/N groaned, looking at their prosthetic which lay on the floor.

"Fuck Natasha!" Y/N yelled as they noticed the the crack in the ankle. "You've fucked it."

"I'm so sorry Y/N. Please." She whispered as she watched them reach their crutches. Putting their bag over their shoulder.

"Call me when your sober Natasha." With those words, they left the apartment, leaving Nat with her tears and self hatred.

#natasha x you #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff #scarlett johansson x reader #scarlett johansson x y/n #wanda maximoff

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soulhalberder · 10 days

Text

There is a lot to like about Symphogear, the characters are so much more than their designs. I love how Hibiki is basically constantly put through the ringer the entire series, yet refuses to stop being a person who cares but who cares so much for everyone. I love how Tsubasa is constantly trying to be the leader but also struggles and stumbles because she's is so entrenched in her bad coping mechanisms until others are there to pull her out of them. I love how Chris is angry. Like actually angry and has to make legitimately difficult choices that she questions after the fact but still opens up and accepts that people want to help her.

I love how the show doesn't shy away from consequences. The narrative progresses because of the events of prior seasons, and stuff isn't just forgotten and forgiven. Ok, some stuff is forgiven in the eyes of the law, but only because Maria makes a plea deal to protect the others. I love how even though society may say she's forgiven she struggles to forgive herself.

I love that there's two pairs of lesbians.

I love how Chris gets embraced that both couples are being overly affectionate with each other in public.

I love how there's just a song about beef strogenoff that is just wrong and that has a payoff a season later.

I love how the series has inspiration from Madoka without turning into "another madoka" or being obsessed with just being dark.

I love how despite the darkness in the world and the points where stuff gets legitimately very dark, there is more than enough levity and light to show that this is a world worth fighting for and the characters are not wrong to fight for it.

I love how Hibiki learned to fight by watching action films and imitating them and everyone treats it as normal.

I love how unafraid the show is of it's own concept. It knows it's silly, but characters never stop taking it very seriously.

I love how one of the power ups is explicitly very evil and is not only a metaphor for the dangers of falling to that power, but how that danger exists the moment you take hold of it.

I love how one of the side characters is just a ninja in a suit and also an idol manager.

I love how the core cast can only fight because the suits are powered by altruism and sometimes an ancient relic that kills the user the more they use it.

I love how rule of cool and passion so often overrules rules as written because being emotional and passionate is a good thing actually.

I love how silly the weapons get. Chris just has unlimitted Rockets. Kirika and Shirabe have a scythe and sawblades that are twintails that combine into a lot of things but my favorite has to be the murder bingo ball cage. I love Tsubasa's silly leg blades. I love how Hibiki just has her fists so she can hold people's hands because she wants to reach out to them. Also so she can hug her girlfriend which is a very important plot point.

I love how a lot of characters have backstories you can empathize with and want to see them redeemed. You want to see them be better and not fight with the heroines. I also love how there are villains who you can't wait to see them get what's coming to them.

I love how characters try and patch messy relationships up, but seasons later we see that it's only going alright. I love how characters are messy and fail but never stop trying to do better.

I love the music and how characters sing their songs in battle while still being effected by the battle.

I love how its ok to be in love with a show that isn't perfect, and that sometimes you just need to give something a chance.

Watch Symphogear.

#symphogear #spoilers

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deluweil · 2 months

Text

This may be an unpopular opinion,

But I'm having a hard time reading the posts about Christopher cheating and associating it with misogyny.

Kid is what? 13 14?

He doesn't know what he's doing is cheating, he just knows that his mother left him, not just when she died, but when she was able and healthy, and her being overwhelmed and scared and worried for her dying mother, wasn't an excuse to just walk out on her young son.

And Christopher is at the stage when he is old enough to be mad at Shannon and not just miss her, but him not "committing" (I'm writing it like this because he's a child for God's sake no one should be committing to anything at this stage, hell kids' brains aren't even done developing yet.) is not out of some hate for women, but out of real fear to get attached to someone and that they will leave.

Male friends, he has plenty and he's learned that they come and go, but a "girlfriend"? That's a lot to adjust to for someone who is used to being left by key figures in his life.

And not just Shannon, he was separated from his bisabuela during covid, and we saw that she moved back Texas, his grandparents, who he grew up in their house while Eddie was deployed for at least 4 years (because he did two tours), he doesn't see them much anymore because he was moved to LA, he knows Eddie can get hurt and leave him in a blink of an eye and now he's aware of Buck might be leaving the same way.

Now, yes! "Leading girls on" is wrong. I agree. As a woman I hate two timing men, emphasis on MEN though. - Christopher is a kid.

If Eddie's and Buck's reaction would have been, along the lines of "Kid's got game", "Well done!" and shit like that I would have screamed misogyny with you, but that wasn't the response.

Eddie didn't like that, and Buck knows the consequences and explains them to Christopher. These kind of reactions and guidance tell me that kid is going to grow up to be a good man. And I love it.

So no, Christopher isn't a two timing kid, he's just scared and did not understand the repercussions for his actions, which were explained to him, also revealing the deep wound that was festering deep inside of him without anyone knowing.

And I love that it comes out gentle and sad. Rather than the outburst we saw in S5 after Eddie almost died.

I love that Buck unravels the Diaz boys, gently helping them express the sadness and deal with it head on.

Because anger is just a mask to a lot of feelings that neither of the Diaz boys were good at expressing, I love seeing that transformation.

#christopher diaz #eddie diaz #evan buckley #unpopular opinion #I work with kids #more often than not you need to explain to them what they are doing wrong and offer alternatives #they are kids you can't expect them to be adults with an adult mindset #they need proper guidance and I love to see that both Eddie and Buck know it and work together to make sure that happens #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 7x01

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tokkiwrites · 8 months

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ㅡㅡㅡ in which tangerine lets his heart (for the most part) dictate him around.

TW: dark!Tangerine (pls everyone this is not cute hes literally a stalker lol), fem!reader, afab reader, no use of y/n, mention of killing people and knifes, stalking, toxic relationship, use of pet names (love, bunny, sweetheart), unprotected p in v (dont look at me, wrap your weewee), dirty talk (kind of), lmk if i missed anything.

Tangerine had always been a shadow in the dimly lit world of contract killers, a name whispered in hushed tones among those who knew. His reputation was one of cold precision, a man who eliminated his targets with a ruthless efficiency that bordered on artistry. But behind the facade of the heartless assassin, there existed a secret, a gnawing obsession that threatened to consume him.

It began innocently enough, with stolen glances from the window of his spartan apartment across the street. She was just a random girl, a stranger in the vast tapestry of the city, but there was something about her that captivated him. He didn't know her name. Didn't bother to look for it, find more about herㅡㅡ he enjoyed it that way... for a bit.

she had an air of innocence that contrasted sharply with Tangerine's dark world. Maybe that's what has drawn him to her. Every evening, he would watch her from the shadows, the soft glow of her apartment window casting a warm, inviting light into his own life of iniquity. It became a routine.

APRIL 23rd. ㅡ blued my bruise.

As the weeks turned into months, Tangerine's infatuation deepened. He knew he should have focused on his missions, honed his lethal skills, and remained emotionally detached, but he couldn't help himself. He started collecting snippets of her life, learning her routines, her likes and dislikes, and even the name of her perfume that occasionally wafted through his open window. He kept a journal filled with details about her, a chilling testament to his obsession.

His thoughts became a maddening storm of contradictions. On one hand, he longed to approach her, introduce himself, and let her know how deeply he cared. On the other, he knew the darkness that coursed through his veins, the blood on his hands that would surely taint any chance at a normal life. The conflict between his life as Tangerine, the ruthless assassin, and his love for that girl across the street tore at his soul, threatening to unravel the carefully constructed façade he had built over the years.

Tangerine stood at the precipice of a choice that could define the rest of his life. He was trapped between the world of ruthless violence and the alluring promise of love and normalcy.

The girl remained the unspoken focal point of his existence, a beacon of hope in the midst of chaos. Yet, he was acutely aware that his actions had consequences, and his desire to protect her might eventually collide with the ruthless pursuit of his job.

His path was fraught with danger, as he navigated the thin line between his love for the girl and the haunting shadows of his past. Torn between his obsession and his duty as a protectorㅡㅡ as he liked to call it.

AUGUST 17th. pink me with ties.

Tangerine's obsession had become all-encompassing, driving him to meticulously study the girl's life, dissecting every relationship that entered her world. His mind, once focused on the cold precision of his assassinations, had now turned into a labyrinth of paranoia and possessiveness.

mine.

Whenever the girl expressed interest in a potential love interest, Tangerine took it as a personal affront. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone else occupying the space in her heart that he believed was rightfully his. In his mind, eliminating these perceived threats was the only way to maintain his fragile grip on her life.

mine. mine.

As he tracked these individuals, Tangerine started to eliminate them in a chillingly systematic fashion. He rationalized his actions, convincing himself that he was safeguarding the girl from anyone who might harm her or take her away from him. Tangerine saw them as competition, and he couldn't allow any potential rival to exist.

mine. mine. mine.

One by one, they disappeared, leaving behind a trail of confusion and fear. Tangerine's cold efficiency in eliminating these perceived threats left no room for error. The girl, oblivious to the sinister presence hovering around her life, began to notice the gradual erosion of her friends and potential partners.

she is mine.

Each disappearance, each life he extinguished, left a mark on his soul, tarnishing the love he believed he felt for the girl. It was more than thatㅡㅡ he thinks. He knows... He knows she feels it, too.

What had once been a misguided attempt at protecting her had now transformed into a cycle of violence and despair. He found himself plagued by obsession.

In the midst of the chaos and darkness that his obsession had wrought, Tangerine found himself grappling with the profound truth that this was more than just love—it was an all-consuming affliction that had poisoned their lives. He realized that she, too, felt the suffocating presence of his fixation, though she remained unaware of its source.

it's okay, I'm here, love. I'm here for you. You feel it, can't you?

NOVEMBER 1st. black my bones.

there she is. she's so beautiful.

he spotted her with... a man. when will she learn?

A surge of jealousy and anger coursed through him, intensifying the relentless grip of his obsession. His heart pounded, and a sinister determination took hold. He couldn't bear the thought of another man so close to her. She was his. she knew that, didn't she?

He tracked the man, waiting for an opportunity to strike.

"oi, there. mind tellin' me the time?"

"sure, dude. it's uh-- oh! 8pm."

Tangerine steps closer.

"sorry, mate. didn't hear ya, mind tellin me again?"

"yeah, 8pm, manㅡ" shunk.

then a scream. agony, a warm feeling, and for a moment, silence. a loud thud echoed through the dark alleyway as the man's body fell to the ground. he was choking on his own blood, the blade still lodged in his neck.

"i hate doin this mate, but you guysㅡ you guys never learn, getting so close to her... too close."

with a swift motion, he takes the knife out, wiping it lazily onto the brick wall before he throws it in the nearby sewer opening.

" 's fine, though. as long as she's alright, yeah?"

he twists a smile from his lips, strolling onto the main street.

his.

DECEMBER 15th. purple my eyes.

This was finally the day.

He chose a moment when she was alone in a park, her vulnerability a stark contrast to the man she didn't know she had been living under the watchful eye of. As he approached, his cold demeanor had softened somewhat, but a lingering sense of menace clung to him.

"hello, love." Tangerine said, his voice tinged with an eerie charm, a stark contrast to the chilling reality of his actions. "couldn't help but notice you from where i was sittin'. sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, wanted to say how gorgeous you look."

"oh, hi." she replied, bubbly. "thank you. means a lot when I'm quite literally dressed as a trash bag." then she laughed.

her laugh. if he could inject it through his veins, he would.

"name's Tangerine. Yours?"

MARCH 3rd. red my mind

She couldn't help but fall deeper for him. i mean, how could she not? he knew everything she liked, hated. he knew when to leave her alone, when to keep her closeㅡ he was perfect.

the fact he was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen was a plus. always dressed to impress, curly hair stiled back, always smelled like she could devour him. and god, that mustache. it was all she ever wanted... and he knew it.

"tan?" she'd been thinking about it. they'd known each other ㅡ well, she knew him for about 3 months, but he came when she needed someone the most. she almost felt dependent on him, like he saved her from something she didn't even know was coming.

"yeah, love?"

"i think...I'm ready toㅡ you know."

she wasn't a virgin. sure as hell felt like one though. she can't remember the last time she had sex. so she knew Tangerine would make this moment special. For her.

"you sure, sweetheart?"

god.

"yes, very sure."

he nods his head before reaching out for her face, rough hands cupping his reddened cheeks. "I'll take such good care of you tonight, bunny." she hums.

leaning into his touch, her whole body turns to goo when Tangerine's hand moves to her lower back and traces the ridge of her spine. "so pretty." she can't help but giggle.

with a few moves, he takes off most of her clothes, some of his too. they were now both left in their underwear, staring at one another as in a silent dance. Tangerine takes a handful of her breasts, guiding her slowly to lie back down on the mattress. The silk covers crinkled around their weight.

he leans down and takes one of her nipples into his mouth, whilst one of his palms slides down to her panties. he smirks once he senses the wet spot etched into them.

"so fuckin' soaked for me, love."

"just f-for you."

he knows.

"barely touched you though. are you that desperate for me to fill that tight cunt of yours? ㅡ hm, c'mon, talk to me, bunny."

she feels so small, so helpless. so pathetic. but she loves every second of it.

"please, need you toㅡ to feel me up...tan, please."

"shh, i got ya." in one swoop, he removes both their underwear, practically ripping them off of her, earning a soft moan from the sprawled out girl under him.

Tangerine lets his fingers pass through her wet folds, gathering all the juices before he shoves two digits deep inside of her. he pumps them slowly, letting the poor girl buck her hips against nothing as she desperately yearned for more.

"so tight, bunny. so tight 'n pretty." he preps kisses over her belly and pussy as those two fingers work her out, making a mess of her.

"p-pleaseㅡ gimme.."

"give ya what, sweetheart?" she whines. he knows what she wantsㅡㅡ needs.

"inside, put it i-insideㅡ"

he scoffs, taking out his fingers and leaving her to squeeze around nothing. they lock eyes and he brings those two fingers to her lips, urging them open. "suck. show me, c'mon."

she does just that. swirling her tongue and suckling on those digits like her life depended on it. "good girl. good fuckin' girl" he praises.

with those sleek fingers he drags them along her body and down to her pulsing clit as the other hand wraps around his shaft, pumping it. her eyes roll back, scooting closer to Tangerine, doing anything to get him inside of her.

"you ready, bunny?"

she was. she was also scared. it's why she tried so hard to not look at the monster in front of her: long, girthy, pulsing ar every breath Tangerine took.

"mhm, hurry ㅡ please."

"needy girl." chuckling, he gathers some of her slick with his tip, teasing at her clit and making her moan desperately. with a few more seconds passing, he finally decides to push inside.

god. it hurts.

so bad.

so good.

"shit, loveㅡ so fuckin' tight and wet for me, huh?"

and he goes at it. likes there's no tomorrow, he rams into her, just like he imagined for the past year he would one day. she's his. his. his to take and ruin and taint and love.

his.

"fuckin' hellㅡㅡ" tangerine chokes back a moan as he steadily grabs at her hips, his tight hold surely leaving marks that'll hold like stains for weeks. he plunges deep into her, leaving no room for air. holding her close, he kisses her all over, listening to the sweet sounds that dripped from her lips like honeyㅡㅡ like poison.

"shit, tanㅡ 'm gonna.."

"it's okay, bunny. let go, go ahead."

bliss. ecstasy. she gasps and hold onto him. it feels like she's falling and floating, plummeting to the ground but flying to the clouds.

they kiss. he was so hungry.

she's his.

"thank you." she smiles up at him.

you red my mind.

⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾‎ 토끼's NOTE : HEY YALL SPECIAL TAN FIC FOR A SPECIAL SOMEONE WINK WINK. this has only 2.1k words SORRAY!!!! grammatical errors cuz its not proofread. ALSO TYSM FOR 100 FOLLOWS YAY I LITERALLY LOVE U ALL SM MUAH!!!!!

#aaron taylor johnson #aaron taylor johnson x reader #aaron teaylor johnson smut #atj x reader #kinktober #atj oneshot #tangerine #tangerine x you #tangerine smut #aaron taylor johnson smut #tangerine bullet train #tangerine x reader #tangerine fanfiction #tangerine fic

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immortalthunderstorm · 15 days

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Aemond Targaryen and the Brothel Madam: A Case of Vulnerability?

With the final trailer out and conversations running rampant, @liv000000 and I have been bouncing off ideas and theories on that Aemond shot and our thoughts on it. Obviously none of these are set in stone and need to be taken with a very sizeable pinch of salt as we don’t really have anything concrete to base it on, so a lot of this really is us just weaving scenarios together and trying to craft a narrative and character exploration based on a few crumbs.

Before we start off, we’d like to just say that we are not necessarily in favour of these. House of the Dragon has a history of often brushing over sexual trauma without giving those moments the recognition they deserve - we aren’t confident that this show is the right medium to accurately present such sensitive topics and that the writers really wish to do this in depth beyond victimisation and shock value. Neither is the fandom as we’ve now gotten to know it at large mature enough to accept and analyse these, especially if it involves a character they aren’t particularly fond of, as we’ve seen with the Alicent-Viserys rape scene or the ‘Foot Scene’ with Larys which got turned into a joke and yet again was squarely placed at Alicen’t feet as something that is somehow her fault and not the guy’s who was sexually assaulting her.

But, although we dislike the overall sentiment, we still want to try to make sense of it.

We’re here to talk about this scene:

Some eagle-eyed fans have connected the hand holding Aemond here to the one of S1EP09’s brothel madam which he encounters with Criston Cole on their search for Aegon (there’s a scar beneath her knuckles that the actress, Michelle Bonnard, also has). For this analysis, we will pretend that this is confirmed.

For reference, we’re talking about this lady here:

A bit of background of what we learn of her and her ‘connection’ to Aemond:

“Aegon brought me to the Street of Silk on my 13th name day. It was his duty as my brother, he said, to ensure I was as educated as he was. At least that's what I understood him to mean. [...] He said, ‘Time to get it wet.’”

For his thirteenth nameday, Aegon took Aemond to the Street of Silk to lose his virginity, no doubt as a right of passage to essentially have him become a man, as fostered by Westerosi culture (we could write an entire other meta about this and Aegon’s perspective but won’t get into it here). Notice that Aemond expressed that he himself wasn’t sure of the advantage/purpose of this and just parrots what Aegon said to him without actively supporting this as his own opinion. It’s something he clearly didn’t really want to do himself but went along with because his older brother told him to.

Cole asks her about Aegon, while Aemond stands next to him, silent. At the end of the conversation, she says (flirtatiously):

“I wish you luck, good Ser. And my best to your friend. [to Aemond] How you've grown.”

This is personal, she recognises him. Was she the one to take his virginity? It seems likely. He clearly also hasn’t been back there since that day.

How does Aemond react to this?

He clearly still feels very uncomfortable around her even three years later, can’t maintain eye contact, shrinks away etc. This has no doubt ruined his perception of sex and engrained in his mind, the act of sexual intimacy is something unpleasant, humiliating, and potentially painful.

@darksvster also posted the script of this scene, which has Aemond ‘clearly shaken’ over being confronted with his abuser.

Since we know he hasn’t been back to the brothel since, him going there willingly now invites the presumption that this requires some sort of extreme trigger moment for him.

The two moments we’ll delve into for this are Blood & Cheese and Rook’s Rest, in which members of his family get hurt either directly or indirectly as a consequence of his actions. This also adds up with the leaks that the actress of the brothel madam is going to have a nude scene in either episode 2 (post B&C) or episode 5 (post RR).

Theory 1: Self Punishment

(we found this gif on Reddit, please let us know if you are or know who the original creator is and we’ll credit them)

In this shot, Aemond looks mentally defeated. His cheeks are wet, but he is not actively sobbing. He’s despondent and catatonic—empty. He also looks the most vulnerable we have ever seen him. His eye patch is off (something that we know from the book he rarely exposed on accounts of insecurity and ‘scaring the ladies’), he is naked and lying in a foetal position while someone (the brothel madam?) is holding onto his arm.

As we’ve explored how traumatic his first experience with her must have been, and how he was unwilling to even look her in the eye, much less seek her out for intimacy. This could be a form of utter self-punishment, a willing reenactment of the second most traumatic experience in his life. After B&C, he’d feel troubling amounts of guilt, so this is his way of putting himself through as much mental and bodily harm as possible. If this was about pleasure or comfort, it is doubtful he would go back to the woman who never gave him that feeling. Neither does his body language here show anything other than anguish. He’s partly disassociating.

There is also a theory floating about that rather than having 6 year old Jaeheara threatened with rape as in the book, this will be given to Helaena in the show (understandably so, as little Olive was only six at the time of filming).We could see the taunts being passed onto Helaena as her mother is tied up and can do nothing to help her, and it works just as well as it serves as humiliation to Aegon, as she’s his wife. In the shot below, Cheese has Helaena by the hair, very close to his body, and he’s delighting in her torment. This would hurt Aemond deeply, as he’s shown to be fond of Helaena and takes it upon himself to defend her whenever necessary. So, he’s essentially putting himself (guilty) to what his sister (innocent) was subjected to in his grief.

Theory 2: Emotional Incest

Emotional incest is a family dynamic that oversteps healthy boundaries between children and parents. It's a type of abuse in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult. The effects of covert incest on children when they become adults are thought to mimic actual incest, although to a lesser degree. It’s normally found in adults, but if you have people pleasing children (or parentification), they sometimes want to take on the role of the partner, rather than the child.

There are a few instances in this season, hinted at in the trailers and supported by the book, in which Alicent and Aemond won’t see eye to eye - she will not be happy with how he killed Luke and essentially ended all chances of peace. She also seems to advocate for caution and diplomacy alongside Otto whereas Aegon and Aemond will be out for revenge and full war. If we go by the book and Aemond also is the one to injure Aegon at Rook’s Rest, she will probably give Aemond the cold-shoulder after he’s willingly or unwillingly endangered his own brother. She’s shown to want to take the slow and diplomatic approach in this war, to avoid bloodshed as enough has been spilled, whereas her sons are eager for battle and war to get vengeance for the tragedy that has befallen them. She no doubt will give him an “I told you so” lecture, and Aemond will perhaps seek comfort, as he’s grown a twisted sense of his abuser after revisiting her in the brothel.

This adds to the theory that young Aemond chose the brothel madam specifically out of a need for comfort. In a situation like the one he was subjected to he chose a whore who at least looked like the person he feels safest around, his own mother who is a source of comfort for him and who he loves deeply. If that is the case, this paired with with the mental consequences of this encounter, it could develop into him being attracted to and seeking out women who remind him of her. This could also impact his later relationship with Alys Rivers.

We really dislike this, as much as it could make sense. Aemond is one of the few men in Alicent’s life who loves her without desiring or exploiting her, their relationship in season 1 was very soft and if the above is the case it adds a bit of a sinister and sexual note to a parent-child dynamic which so far has been relatively unproblematic.

#aemond one eye #prince aemond #aemond targaryen #hotd #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #aegon ii targaryen #team green #pro team green #the greens #house of the dragon spoilers #House of the dragon meta #blood and cheese #hotd season 2 #tw self harm #tw emotional incest #tw rape

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revvethasmythh · 9 months

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Some aspects of Laudna's behavior from the most recent ep have really started to stand out to me re: her backstory. We're told basically that after leaving Whitestone she roamed to different cities and was subsequently run out of many places by the townsfolk for being...well, a creepy undead witch. This is really all we know of thirty years of her life, we have nothing more detailed than that until Gelvaan, which is also not very detailed on what exactly she was doing there. And it's interesting because this backstory feels like it's meant to elicit a lot of sympathy on Laudna's behalf--i.e. she is being wrongly chased out of places for the crime of being/looking different. But something about the way she approached Imahara Joe's establishment--sending in the creepy whispers, specifically making a bunch of terrifying "rattling noises", and responding with a smile and saying "It works every time" when they heard a noise in response--really has me like. okay. Laudna, did you get chased out of places because you were terrorizing people in those places? because it sounds like you've done this before, potentially many times, and what's "fun scary" to one person can so very easily be "scary scary" to the people on the other end of the schtick.

Laudna clearly loves people, but I do have to wonder if she experiences a certain amount of dissonance about the effects that her actions cause. She very much has this Manic Demon Nightmare Girl persona thing going on, and that delighted, manic energy mixed with her penchant for the macabre, often directed at other people where she enjoys their freaked out reactions? I think, perhaps, there were reasons she kept getting run out of places that we have not, uh, unpacked as of yet.

To go deeper with this, Laudna is a character who rarely feels like she's in charge of her own destiny. Some of this is intentional, like the repeated puppet imagery re: Delilah. But I wonder if, perhaps, Laudna is someone who has had so many things--bad things, terrible things--happen to her that she had learned to erase her own role in her life. There was nothing she could do when the Briarwoods took over Whitestone, there was nothing she could do when she was murdered by Delilah, and there was nothing she could do when she was resurrected as the undead creachure that she is today. But there are thing she could have done in the intervening thirty years to change her situation. She could have pursued threads about getting rid of Delilah for thirty years, long before meeting Imogen. She could have (somewhat) altered her behavior so she wasn't freaking people out wherever she went and maybe she could have stayed somewhere. She could have been proactive in making changes and pursuing things in her life and I just wonder if she has forgotten that she can do that for herself and that the things she does do have consequences. In ep 49, she told Imogen, "The gods have never kept us from our ability to have a choice." But she only says this to Imogen. When does Laudna finally make an active choice? When does she realized that her behavior and the consequences of the behavior are in her control? When does Laudna decide that it's time to stop being a spectator in her own story, a person that things happen to? Soon, I hope. She should be the main character of her own story, and right now she simply isn't

#I feel like I'm going to get cancelled for victim blaming but also #being scary toward people and then people not liking that feels like an excellent example of cause and effect #and tbh #even laudna's relationship with imogen feels like something that has happened TO her #what does laudna want? what are her desires? I feel like if you asked she'd respond with ''whatever imogen wants''#which just. makes me kind of sad. I hope laudna figures out how to be a person with desires and a future that are HERS unequivocally #that can (and probably will!) include imogen. but a simple cottage raising horses is Imogen's dream #what does laudna dream of? freedom? what does that look like? does she even know?#like I said. it's SAD #cr spoilers #this is rebloggable but I'm not maintagging this

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arson-09 · 4 months

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Acowar Review✨✨ sjm needs to pay for my therapy✨✨

Its not as infuriating as acomaf but its still… bad.

Point 1: the court of ignorance and dumbassery

Lets cut to the chase. why the FUCK didnt feyre read Tamlin and Luciens minds at ANYPOINT while she was doin her hot girl shit of taking the spring court down??? huh sjm??? why is your fmc only powerful when convenient. So much could have been cut down. Acowar was way too long.

The whole destroying of the spring court didnt even make that much sense. Im all for a girlie getting back at the people who wronged her but feyre ended up hurting a lot of innocent people in the process. Feyre even tries to ignore the consequences of her actions. She had to invade peoples minds and manipulate people to get them to turn against tamlin and all this could have been avoided if she read his damn mind and learned he was a double agent. Lucien even hinted towards it

Part One: Princess of Carrion »

Chapter Six

None. It was either go to war with the Night Court and Hybern, or ally with Hybern, let them try to stir up trouble, and then use that alliance to our own advantage further down the road." "What do you mean," I breathed. But Lucien realized what he'd said, and hedged, "We have enemies in every court. Having Hybern's alliance will make them think twice." Liar. Trained, clever liar.

If feyre is supposed to be so smart, and she did pick up on this, why didnt she do anything? This is so frustrating.

Then once she leaves the spring court i found myself frankly not caring. Acomaf hadnt given me enough to care about the inner circle so i didnt and sjm cant make me like rhysand. which i have so many gripes but for word counts sake let me name my main ones

Point 2: Sarah Janet Maas and her shitty love interests

the ignoring rhysand sexual assault of feyre and EXCUSING it and his little habit of not telling his court things

Part Two: Cursebreaker »

Chapter Twelve

Was it going on before you even left?" I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. "I never touched Rhysand like that until months later." "You kissed Under the Mountain." "I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing." "And yet this is the male you now love." He didn't know-he had no inkling of the personal history, the secrets, that had opened my heart to the High Lord of the Night Court. They were not my stories to tell

here we have sjm acknowledging that yeah, rhysand Sexually Assaulted Feyre UtM in Acotar. Without her consent he dressed her inappropriately (which she was uncomfortable with) had her dance provocatively in his lap, kissed her, and made her drink alcohol so she wouldn't remember the details all without her consent. Yet Sjm is going “its fine” now and feyre herself going “you just dont get it…” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Now see if sjm actually planned for rhysand to become the love interest why didnt she just avoid all this by having Amarantha make rhysand do this to feyre? Because that would have solved some issues but no. Because Rhysand did all this of his own free will in acotar. He actively chose to do this to feyre. To humiliate her and anger Tamlin because rhysand is obsessed with Tamlin.

Rhysand also loves to not tell his own court things. I was and still am very angry over him not telling Mor, Azriel, Cassien and at the very least his Wife about his plan with the court of nightmares. Just why.

Mors anger towards Nesta also makes no sense. sjm stop writing girl on girl hate challenge impossible

Point three: That one toy story scene “I dont wanna play with you anymore!”

Now tamlin. Tamlin tamlin tamlin im so sorry love for what sjm has done to you. If i start ill never stop. What Tamlin said to feyre and rhysand at the high lords meeting was out of pocket but he also wasnt wrong about some things. Also from established character these actions make no sense and his actions havent made sense since acomaf because sjm threw him and his character away to play with shadow daddy and bad morals. But she also cant commit to making a character of hers actually evil so tamlin saves the whole day by bringing the autumn court to fight and saving rhysand life. Tamlin has redeemed himself by sjm standards but she then wrote the holiday novel which i have read and detested.

Overall the plot was fine. i guess. it probably looked better when compared to the characters.

Sjm learn to redeem characters outside of “ooh they were abused and have trauma so everything they do is okay” for guys and “she fell in love/had sex with the most PERFECT MALE TO EVER MASCULINE.” its boring and flat. Also i know what happens in Acosf (i will not be reading that ty) so wtf happened to Nesta bro. she got the tamlin treatment. boooo 👎

to end off heres some of my favorite highlights from acowar 50%+ thru the book.

#a court of wings and ruin #anti acowar #anti sjm #sjm critical #anti rhysand #anti feysand #tamlin #pro tamlin #This book was bullshit

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