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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

let you treat me like that

title ; let you treat me like that i was your willing accomplice, honey

part two

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from olivia rodrigo’s “favorite crime”

word count ; 2.6k

tags ; angst, a lot of fighting, broken friendships, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

the fight was over something so small you honestly can’t even remember what it was about. but it left you dizzy, pulled in so many different directions that you want nothing more than to hide, disappear and pretend like you’re not the one stranded in the middle of it all.

“i’ll save you all the trouble,” jungkook had snapped at sana. “we don’t have to be friends anymore.”

then he was gone, leaving you grasping at thin air, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

“this is bullshit,” sana had seethed, anger barely contained. then she saw the utterly devastated look on your face and shuddered out a breath, reeling in her temper. “i’m sorry,” she told you sincerely. “i was just - i was so angry, y/n. but he’s your friend. honestly i - i didn’t think he would just leave.”

but that’s the thing about jungkook, you realize, as you stare at him before you now. jungkook always runs the moment things get difficult.

he did it when he was dating jamie, breaking all his promises in less than a month as soon as she left for the other side of the country. he didn’t want to work on the distance, slurring drunken i love you’s into the phone at three in the morning, but never once dialing her number during the day just to say he missed her. then he cut things off abruptly - citing “we’re better off as friends,” until everyone believed him.

he did it when he cheated on jisoo, because jisoo leaned on him just a little and he fled without even looking back, running straight to nayeon because he didn’t want to be the one comforting, just the one comforted.

he’s doing it again, drawing a line in the sand between him and sana and all your friends because instead of hashing things out, talking things through, working on it the way friends should do - he’d rather take the easy way out than try for once in his life. the only person he clung to was you, and yet he’s looking at you like that.

“you don’t have to care about me,” jungkook says coldly.

he did always know which buttons to push to make you snap.

“that’s all i ever fucking do,” you hiss, and the sudden anger in your tone makes him take a step back. you’ve been angry with him before - but you’ve never spoken to him this way.

you don’t have to care about me.

it’s an insult. it’s an insult to the hours you put in to be at his side, the nights you stayed up late every time he called and needed your help, the notes you took carefully for both yourself and for him in class, the way you reassured him that you’d always be there for him. it’s an insult to the way everyone can see how much you love him, to the years of history you have with him - and it makes you furious.

“that’s all i ever fucking do,” you repeat, voice raising. “that’s all i ever do, jungkook, is care about you! all i do is worry about you, chase after you, make sure that you’re okay. i don’t have to care about you? are you fucking kidding me, jungkook?”

you don’t know the jungkook standing in front of you. he looks at you with stoic eyes, lips set in a hard line. but when he speaks, it feels like a bullet to the chest, disbelief coursing through you.

“i never asked you to do any of that.”

you lips part in shock. it’s the last thing you expected him to say. your rage consumes you - you see red and maybe that’s why you don’t notice the tears building in your eyes, trembling in sheer fury.

“fuck you,” you spit, then turn heel, letting the door slam behind you as you leave his room. you don’t notice you’re crying until you’re outside of his building, the biting cold air seeming to freeze the tears on your cheek.

fuck.

jungkook knocks at your door. it’s maybe the third time he’s ever been to your place, so he’s honestly a little worried he’s got the wrong address, since you live off campus. surprise colors his face when jeongyeon opens the door, wincing at how quickly her expression changes when she sees it’s him.

“she’s not here,” jeongyeon lies to his face. jungkook gives her a look.

“this is literally her apartment,” jungkook says gruffly. “don’t you live on campus?”

“your point?” jeongyeon raises an eyebrow. “take a hint, jungkook. she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“she doesn’t? or you don’t?” jungkook challenges back.

“tell him to fuck off,” your voice comes from inside, answering for him. jungkook presses his lips together, ducking his head with a sigh. he cranes his neck, trying to peer into your apartment, but jeongyeon blocks the way defiantly. his eye twitches in irritation, but he’s not here to put up with jeongyeon. he’s here for you.

“y/n,” he calls. “please. just talk to me. i just… i wanted to apologize.”

this catches your attention. you clamber off the couch, heading towards the door. jeongyeon hesitates at opening the door wider, but the expression you wear is dangerous, and jeongyeon steps away. you appear in the doorway, jungkook wholly unprepared for the scathing look on your face. you’ve never looked at him like that before.

“apologize,” you mull the word over. “do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”

“for,” he hesitates. “for everything.”

you scoff, impressed by his audacity. to come show up at your door like this, not even knowing what he’s apologizing for.

“really?” you ask dryly.

he clears his throat. “for, well.. for sana.”

for sana. you stare at him incredulously. “is that all?”

jungkook shifts uncomfortably. of course. jungkook thought he could come with pathetic apology in hand, maybe a tail between his legs, get off scott free. because you’ve always let him, reassuring words in his ear to tell him his mistakes are just mistakes and that everyone makes them. that you still care about him anyway.

the way you look at him makes him feel small. there’s so much contempt - but it’s the disappointment laying underneath it all that really stings.

“if this was about sana you’d be at her door, instead,” you snap. “you get one more chance. do you know what you’re apologizing for, jungkook?”

jungkook runs a frustrated hand through his hair. it’s devastating, how handsome he looks in your doorway, how utterly familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. you grew up with him. but you’re starting to lose sight of who he is.

he glances upwards then back down to you. his lips part but the only thing that comes out is a quiet exhale, jungkook’s hands falling to his side helplessly.

the disappointment you thought you’d boxed neatly into a corner of your mind rips open, clawing its way across your chest. it threatens to take over all the anger you’ve left on the surface, and you let out a small laugh.

you don’t mean for your voice to come out small. but it does. “you don’t know, huh?”

jungkook can’t look at you. and you can’t stand the way the hurt spreads through your veins so you smother it in anger again, let it burn you up, glaring fiercely at him even though your eyes are glassy with unshed tears.

of course jungkook doesn’t know. because jungkook just knows he hurt you but he can’t be bothered to think why. he can’t be bothered to believe that he might actually be wrong for what he said beyond the fact that you’re furious with him, and he doesn’t know how to lose you.

“you never know, jungkook,” you throw your words at him, hoping they hurt. for once, you want him to hurt the way you do. feel what you feel. this is only the third time jungkook has ever been to your place and it’s only because he risks losing the one person who will tell him things are okay, even when they’re not. otherwise he would never come looking for you.

“you don’t know because you don’t think. you don’t think about your actions, you don’t think about the shit you say, at this point i’m not even convinced you care. do you even know how late i stayed up worrying about you? how much time i wasted - calling you every single fucking day but you don’t pick up. can’t even be bothered to at least text me so i know whether or not you’re okay. but you still want me to pick up the phone in the middle of the night for you? you still want me to open my door for you? do you know how much sleep i lost, worrying about how hard things must have been for you to just leave like that? how much you must have been through and kept quiet about for you to not want to be friends anymore?”

it’s taking everything in you not to burst into tears, so frustrated and torn up and exhausted. jungkook is quiet through all of it, head hanging low, eyes glued to the ground.

“but i guess you were fine,” you hammer in the final nail in the coffin. “i don’t have to care about you, right?” your voice shakes at the last moment, but you press on. “since the only person you care about is yourself.”

jungkook’s head snaps up, eyes meeting yours. you smile mockingly at him, eyebrows raised, daring him to speak. you know you’ve hit a soft spot - jungkook, who swallowed his pride to show up at your door, admit to you he did wrong - and you threw it back in his face, every word geared to cause damage.

“you know what?” jungkook’s voice is soft, but it still feels like a knife to the chest. “i don’t know why i bothered to come apologize. when you’re ready to behave like an adult and have a proper conversation, i’ll be waiting.”

he disappears down the hallway, and you gasp quietly as the tears cloud your eyes instantly, watching him turn the corner. how dare he turn this on you - how dare he be allowed the time to be angry and petty but you always have to be waiting to forgive and forget. how dare he treat you like your emotions are childish - that your anger is unwarranted even after everything he said to you.

and yet, your anger is the first thing that dissolves, melting to the ground as jeongyeon shuts the door for you, pulling you into a hug as your tears spill over.

what you would give, to not care about jeon jungkook.

you shouldn’t be here.

it’s just sad, at this point. the way you bend to jungkook’s every will. yerin and jamie told you that maybe it’s time to cut your losses, after hearing what happened. it was strange to hear how willing they were to simply let jungkook go - as though there aren’t years of history between all of you. thousands of memories that you constantly have playing in your mind, like reruns on tv.

maybe that should tell you something, about jungkook and you. about all the people who are seeing you from the outside in. even still, you can’t bring yourself to let things end this way.

you knock on jungkook’s door, heart pounding in your chest. it’s hard to breathe, constantly getting stuck in your throat, praying for jungkook to at least answer the door for you.

a beat later and jungkook stands before you, one hand on the door frame and the other on the door. your heart stops in your chest when you see the way his expression immediately goes cold at the sight of you, regarding you apathetically.

“i’m sorry,” you blurt, hoping he won’t slam the door in your face. he scoffs, and your hands frantically reach out to hold the door open. “jungkook. i’m sorry.”

if you weren’t pathetic before, you certainly are now.

“forget it,” he says. he’s never felt so far away before. “leave me alone. i’m done with this.”

you freeze. leave me alone. i’m done with this. it feels like you’ve been hit, like the air has been knocked clean out of your lungs, and it hurts.

then, a clarity settles over you. suddenly you feel calm, and your palms slide off jungkook’s door back to your side.

you’re done crying over jeon jungkook.

“that’s it?” you stare at him, all your vulnerabilities open on your face. jungkook was about to close the door but he stops when he sees the look on your face. he looks surprised, and a little wounded, and you can’t help but laugh. jungkook has some nerve, acting like he’s the one who’s been hurt.

there is nothing funny about this; this is just cruel now.

“that’s it, jungkook?” you repeat, and you don’t really care that it’s 10pm at night and your voice is climbing. you don’t care who hears you because forget it. jungkook is done with this.

jungkook is done with you.

“you’re done?” your voice is tight and scarily emotionless all at once. “done with me just like you’re done with all of our other friends. are you sick of me too? is it about time you threw me away too?”

jungkook opens his mouth to speak, but you don’t let him get a word in edgewise. “it’s easy for you, right? to end - what - eight, nine years? - of friendship, because you’re done. you’re done with me staying up until 2, 3, 4, 5am in the morning with you, you’re done with me being there for you every time you needed someone, you’re done with me listening to all the shit that makes you happy, sad, angry, you’re just done, right?”

the way you look at him burns. you hope it scalds him, hope it leaves a scar, hope it lasts on him forever. his expression falls and suddenly he looks vulnerable again, but this time you don’t care. it’s always so easy for him to walk away. it’s so easy for jungkook not to care about you. it has always been so easy for him to forget about you.

“i guess you have better friends now,” you continue. “people who understand you better. people who just get you, like nayeon does, right? i’m not good enough for you and your big boy problems. even though i’m the one who always picks up after all these years.” you take a deep breath and exhale slowly. jungkook swallows hard. you smile up at him, and as much as you wish you could hide it, your vulnerabilities are showing, too. “i guess you’ve also come to terms with not giving a shit about me anymore, too.”

jungkook looks like you’ve just slapped him across the face. he reaches for you but you step backwards, away from him. you’d come here to make amends, but clearly he didn’t want that. clearly, he didn’t want you.

“wait, y/n,” he starts, but you shake your head.

you know exactly what to say to make sure the wound digs deep. you know jungkook, know you mean enough to him that this will hurt, whether or not he’ll ever admit to it. it’s why you make sure to be precise when you say what you say next, so he’ll never forget this moment for the rest of his life even if he forgets everything else.

“forget it, jungkook,” you mock his words, knowing it’ll tear him apart. “i’m done with this.”

read the next part: nothing like us

other drabbles in the series: lie to me, lie with me || but you’re my everything

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#jungkook x reader #jungkook #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jeon jungkook #series: ttno #angst #it's all downhill from here

108 notes · View notes

pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

i kept quiet so i could keep you

title ; i kept quiet so i could keep you i know that you’ll never feel sorry for the way i hurt

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from olivia rodrigo’s “traitor”

word count ; 2.2k

tags ; angst, uh yeah it’s just angst, one (1) probably too kdrama-esque line from tae, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

when your emotions get too strong and you don’t know how to deal with them, you hide.

it’s the only way you really know how to cope. you hide from your friends, you hide from the world, you hide from yourself. you pretend like you’re just busy, drowning in projects and upcoming exams and anything you can possibly think of. you pick up extra shifts at work so you don’t have to think about jungkook.

jungkook.

you’re doing it again. thinking about him, that is. it’s hard not to when it’s two fucking am and you’ve somehow managed to already burn through all your homework and read and re-read your notes until it feels like your eyes will bleed and it’s not like you can have a shift at 2am so all that’s left is for you to stare at your ceiling wishing you could fall asleep instead of feeling the ache in your chest burn ugly across the planes of your body, consuming you slowly.

you just want all the noise in your head to go away.

you scrub your eyes roughly with the palms of your hands. it’s so constant - when you get a minute alone and all that’s in your head is memories of jungkook, flying through at a speed so fast that the memories don’t even get to finish properly before it’s playing the next scene. like a shitty fucking film.

with a sigh, you sit up in your bed, running a tired hand through your hair. your hand drops limply back down to your lap as you sit in the dark, the only light being the thin strip of moonlight peeking through your curtains.

for once, you just want to stop thinking about jungkook.

it’s exhausting. tears well up in your eyes but you can’t cry, you’re just too tired. you feel like a teenager all over again, like the day you figured out you liked jungkook but he wasn’t yours. that he couldn’t be. you must’ve known, back then. that he was never going to be.

you wish you would’ve known things would turn out this way, too.

because it turns out that having your heart broken by someone you call a friend is much worse than having your heart broken by someone you’re in love with.

jihyo shows up at your door with a pint of ice cream and a look that more or less says ‘the ice cream is technically a bribe, but also i’m coming in anyway.’ you have half a mind to shut the door on her, but also that’s chocolate fudge brownie from ben & jerry’s and honestly jihyo is definitely stronger than you are and could shove the door open before you even have a chance to think twice about it.

you heave a dramatic sigh, like you’re the one doing her a favor by letting her in, and she gives you a smug smile before passing you the pint while she closes the door behind her. the two of you curl up on your couch, on either corner.

“so…” jihyo starts. “you wanna talk about it?”

you stare at jihyo with dead eyes and make a point of stabbing your ice cream with your spoon.

she chuckles, then unfurls herself from the little ball she’d curled herself into in the corner of the couch, leaning forward a little. “y/n, you can’t bottle it up forever.”

“been doing great so far,” you mutter, taking a spoonful of ice cream. jihyo sighs.

“y/n.”

you look up at her, mouth still wrapped around your spoon of ice cream. she smiles wryly at the sight. you’re still hiding. ducked away behind a pretense of nonchalance even when your entire being screams of heartbreak, from your messy hair to the sweats you’re in, all the way down to the fucking ice cream in your hands right now.

jihyo has always been gentle. it’s in her nature. jihyo is the kind of person people fall back on when they want to land softly. but when she says, “you know it’s okay to be hurt, right?” - it feels like shattering.

you cry. a lot. to be quite frank you’re a little impressed by just how much you can cry, especially after the literal breakdown you had in jihyo’s dorm a little over a week ago. maybe it’s just years of crawling after jungkook with rose-tinted glasses accumulated into all these tears that can’t seem to stop.

by the time you’re done, you feel drained. your throat hurts, your eyes hurt, everything hurts. but you feel a little lighter, even if the pang in your chest still remains.

you’re rambling to jihyo, feet propped in her lap while you lay back, staring at the ceiling. you’re not really sure what you’re saying either, just that it keeps coming out of you and you can’t stop.

“he cheated,” you mumble, eyes glued to the ceiling. “i wanted to ask him and i just couldn’t. and he wasn’t gonna tell me either, i could tell. not like last time, with jisoo. and i just felt sick. i physically felt sick to my stomach because how could he act like nothing was wrong after he did that? how could he just go behind someone’s back like that, knowingly hurt someone in that way, make the same mistakes twice because i - i know him. i know jungkook. i promised everyone he was better than this, promised myself that he cared enough about people to not hurt them so blatantly and…” you trail off, throwing an arm over your eyes. “and i was wrong.” your voice wavers. “i was wrong because jungkook is exactly the kind of person who hurts people constantly and i just… don’t know how to come to terms with the fact that - that the way he treats me…”

you don’t know how to finish that sentence. the way he treats you like you mean something to him? the way he treats you like you mean nothing to him?

“y/n, you realize he treats you just like he treated jisoo and nayeon, right? it’s all the same shit,” jihyo says. “he’s sweet on you, makes you feel special, says all the right things to make you believe him. then he tears all of it away, finds someone new, doesn’t even stick around to clean up the damage he left behind. the only difference between you and his ex-girlfriends is that he never gave you the title. so he can keep doing this to you over and over again. everyone else can choose to walk away. but he calls you his friend so he gets to do it again and again and pretend that because you’re his friend you have to keep forgiving him for it.”

you’re shaking your head without realizing, but you know she’s right. it’s just hard to hear. you want to defend him. you want to say she’s wrong. but she’s not. you’ve ripped off your rose-tinted glasses, and it’s blinding. “why?” you choke out. “why would he…”

doesn’t he know how much you love him?

the tears are rising to your eyes again, helplessly. jihyo is silent for a little while, because what can you say about someone you considered a friend, using you until you’ve run dry?

“i don’t know,” she murmurs. you can hear the apology in her voice. “jungkook is… all i know is he’s hurting a lot too. and people who are hurt, tend to hurt other people too.”

“that’s not a good enough excuse anymore,” you squeeze your eyes shut. it pains you to admit it out loud. “i can’t keep forgiving him just because he’s fucked up inside. i tried so hard for it to be enough. to love him enough for him to stop hurting people. to forgive him so he could forgive himself but i just can’t keep doing this anymore.”

a sob slips out of you as you press your arm harder against your eyes.

you can’t keep fighting for jungkook anymore.

taehyung showing up at your apartment is the last thing you expected, to be honest. though in retrospect, maybe you should have.

in taehyung’s defense, you haven’t been answering your texts. or calls. you haven’t been answering anything from him at all, period. you can fake it in front of everyone else, but not him. you can’t bring yourself to lie to him, so instead you’ve been ignoring him.

he shows up at your door, worried. jihyo blinks up at him in surprise, and he blinks back down at her, equally surprised.

“uh,” he shifts his weight from foot to foot awkwardly. “is y/n here?”

“uh,” jihyo echoes him, glancing back at you. you’re still on the couch, curled into a miserable ball. the ice cream she’d brought you is half-empty, starting to melt from being left out on the table. “i don’t think she’s in the mood for visitors.”

taehyung frowns. “aren’t you a visitor?”

jihyo clears her throat. “well. yes.”

taehyung scratches the back of his head. “oh. okay. if now isn’t a good time-“

“just let him in,” your voice comes from inside the apartment, and taehyung’s eyebrows immediately knit together in concern at how weary you sound. “it’s fine, jihyo.”

she hesitates, but nevertheless opens the door wider to let him in. he steps inside, surveying the room, eyes searching until they find you.

you’ve crawled up from your spot on the couch, putting the melting ice cream into the freezer and standing in your kitchen with a glass of water. he can see the bags under your eyes, the slouch in your shoulders. you glance towards him, too worn out to care about your current state of being in front of him.

“hey,” he kicks off his shoes and steps towards you. he meets you at the kitchen counter, standing across from you. “you weren’t really answering your texts, so i…” he gestures to your apartment around you. he takes in the red rims around your eyes, the way you can barely meet his eyes. “are you okay?”

“i’m fine.”

your answer is curt. you’re doing it again, blocking him out, in spite of having just poured your heart and tears out to jihyo not long ago. but taehyung isn’t jihyo, and both of you know too well the difference. taehyung observes you carefully. the longer his eyes are on you, the more you feel like he’s peeling back layers, unraveling you until he’s found the part of you that’s tender, weak, vulnerable.

“stop looking at me like that,” your voice is barely audible. you can’t meet his eyes; you don’t know how you’ll react if you do. what parts of you will simply destruct, leaving you open for him.

“i can’t,” taehyung says quietly. “some other guy is hurting you and if i look away too soon i might accidentally on purpose go hunt him down and break him.”

that’s when you look at him. he looks calm, but his shoulders are tense, hands curled tightly in his fists at his sides. dark eyes bore into yours, and some part of you recognizes that taehyung is distinctly unfamiliar, that you don’t have almost a decade’s worth of history with him. you can’t even recognize what emotion it is that he’s staring you down with. all you know is that in spite of it all, in spite of his words, in spite of the way you’re sure his nails are biting into his palms, he feels safe.

you set your glass down on the counter. “you? break someone? with your scrawny ass?” you try to joke. taehyung doesn’t smile but his body does seem to relax a little.

“i’m worried about you,” he admits. it makes you falter, lowering your head.

“jungkook has broken my heart any number of times and in any number of ways since the day i met him,” your eyes flick up to meet taehyung’s. “i’ll be okay. i just have to finally accept that it’s time to let him go.”

when jihyo and taehyung have both gone, your mind still lingers on jungkook, stuck there. all the broken fragments of time and memories and what you know of him swirl in your head. you lay on the floor of your bedroom but it feels like you’re hovering, drifting above ground, aimless.

loving jungkook has hurt from the very beginning. even the very first sparks of your crush on him had static-shocked you back, flinches of pain through your nervous system. you never got a chance to fall in love with him in a gentle way. your first love is just a series of mistakes and scars and lessons you refused to learn.

you didn’t even know you’d wanted a fairytale first love. not until it was taken away from you.

you wonder if maybe it was just the idea of jungkook. maybe that’s what you fell in love with. everything about you and him together - it had all seemed to align so perfectly.

you ran in the same circles. you grew up together. his family adored you, you were friends with his sister. you fit so well into his world that you forgot he barely fit into yours. that every time he stepped into your life, the dream shattered. the picture changed.

perfect isn’t real. in the end, jungkook doesn’t love you. even as friends.

jungkook doesn’t love anyone enough to change.

other drabbles in the series: see you with her || nothing like us

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo @notvantaes

#jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x yn #jungkook x y/n #jungkook angst #jungkook #series: ttno

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

all that we were losing

title ; all that we were losing i saw you like i never did before

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from carly rae jepsen’s “roses”

word count ; 1.2k

tags ; college!au, cheating/infidelity, references to sex/sexual activity but nothing explicit, a lot of fucking angst, yes it somehow gets worse, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

jungkook is supposed to be on the other side of campus today.

in fact, jungkook is supposed to be in lecture right now. but jungkook is not exactly renowned for being a good student and instead he’s here, staring out the window of a starbucks, watching you get pulled close to taehyung in broad daylight. watching you let yourself get pulled close, closer than friends should get.

he can’t hear you. but he can see the way you laugh, how you squirm out of taehyung’s arms and spin around to face him, all shy smiles and sparkling eyes. you like the way taehyung touches you.

it’s starting to make sense, now. why you confessed out of the blue after all these years, caveated by, i’m trying really hard to move on, how even when you were telling jungkook you loved him, it wasn’t about asking him to love you back.

he can’t love you back. he doesn’t, not like that. he’s so sure of it. but then taehyung wraps an arm around your waist and you blush and don’t push him off and something inside jungkook splinters.

nobody has ever loved jungkook the way you’ve loved him. nobody has ever cared for him the way you do, gently soothing wounds and reminding him he’s worth saving. worth loving. nobody has ever accepted him for all of his mistakes, grounded him with just a single look, stayed with him through every storm. not like you.

but you don’t want to love jungkook anymore. you’re falling into taehyung, slipping away from jungkook, and if you love taehyung then who will love jungkook the way you do?

“jungkook,” jennie’s voice pulls him back, reminds him he skipped lecture with her, and he turns to her.

“hm?”

her lips quirk up on one side, amused. “everything alright? don’t tell me you’re feeling bad we skipped today.”

jennie’s a pretty girl. cute, actually, cuter than she appears at first, gets adorably whiny when her code stops working. it was pure coincidence that nayeon’s best friend lived down the hall from him and happened to also be a computer science major, even studying the same software programming concentration as him, therefore taking a lot of the same classes.

she tilts her head, waiting for his response. he and jennie had become good friends, as of late. it came naturally with spending so much time together, sharing the same classes. she’s patient with him, ever willing to help and ever willing to listen. she reminds him of you, in a way.

“wanna go back to my dorm?”

jihyo is the one who tells you. you know something’s coming - can tell from the way everyone walks on eggshells around you, sana and jeongyeon settling quietly onto a corner of jeongyeon’s bed, while jihyo sits down at sana’s desk beside you. she says it gently, softly, like it’ll break you.

“sana saw hickies on his neck,” she says. she doesn’t have to clarify who he is. “and jeongyeon saw a girl leaving his room the other day.”

jeongyeon sounds ashamed when she quietly adds, “i don’t think it was nayeon.”

jihyo presses her lips together. you’re waiting for the but, refusing to look up from your work. you hum, if only to give an indication that you’ve heard them.

“nayeon is out of town,” jihyo tries again. your hands freeze over your keyboard.

“nayeon is out of town,” you repeat. it’s supposed to be a confirmation - yes, nayeon is out of town. jungkook’s girlfriend is out of town. she’ll be out of town all week.

but your voice feels unsteady, and the precarious balance in the room shifts.

“y/n,” jihyo reaches for you but you straighten up, moving your arm subtly, just out of her reach. her hand falls back to her lap. she sighs. your thoughts feel scrambled and chaotic, but also like nothing at all. parts of you want to scream out loud - all of you stays silent.

jihyo sees the emptiness in your expression. the way you tremble - almost unnoticeable. almost.

she acquiesces. “maybe it was nothing.”

you nod slowly.

“maybe it was nothing.”

you’ve been avoiding jungkook all week. but now you’re here, sitting in his bedroom, fingers grasping at the hoodie he’s thrown over his chair while jungkook kicks his feet from his spot on his bed.

you feel sick. jungkook smiles at you and your stomach churns, your heart gets stuck in your throat. you need to leave.

“jungkook,” you say, and he looks at you expectantly.

did you cheat on nayeon?

jihyo was right. knowing would break you.

so you can’t ask. you can’t get past the smile on his face, the way his doe eyes blink back at you, head tilted to the right.

“i cheated on jisoo,” jungkook confesses. “honestly, i… i don’t feel bad about it.”

you feel like throwing up.

“i actually have to go,” you breathe, suddenly spinning to your feet. his expression falls and you feel sick, you feel sick, how can he look at you with so much warmth and care and how could he -

“you just got here,” he pouts and you shake your head.

“i just remembered i promised jeongyeon i’d meet up with her,” your words come out in a rush. “sorry. i gotta go. i’m sorry.”

you try your best to leave without making it look like you were running. but jungkook’s room feels suffocating, and being around him feels like drowning.

“sana saw hickies on his neck,”

“nayeon is out of town,”

jungkook’s pretty smile flashes before you as you take the stairs out of his dorm hall two at a time. you can feel the walls closing in on you. he cheated. he cheated he cheated he cheated

you almost slip on the last step but manage to burst through the doors and run, you run until you’re out of sight of his dorm, until you’ve crossed half of campus and find yourself in jihyo’s dorm hall, sobs wracking your body as you scramble to find somewhere to hide, shoving open a single-person bathroom door and collapsing on the tile, hands scrabbling to lock the door as you cry, shaking.

jungkook is a cheater.

jungkook smiling, jungkook laughing, jungkook’s hand in yours, jungkook tucking your hair behind your ears, jungkook throwing his arm over your shoulder, jungkook shaking water out of his hair, jungkook wrapping you in a hug, jungkook -

all of it shatters.

jungkook is a liar.

jungkook keeping you hanging by a thread, jungkook fighting with you, jungkook letting you freeze in the cold just so he can hold a conversation you aren’t ready to have, jungkook calling you in the middle of the night without asking if you have the space for him, jungkook using you every single time-

jungkook is not a good person.

maybe he never has been.

everything hurts.

when jihyo opens her door, you know she can see it all over you.

she drops whatever she’s working on to come to you, pulling you into a hug. she doesn’t ask. but you say it anyway, muffled against her shoulder. “he cheated.”

“i know,” she says gently. “i’m sorry.”

“he doesn’t care,” you say, and she sighs.

“i know,” she pulls away, smiling sadly at you. “i’m sorry.”

your eyes well up with tears again, bottom lip trembling, and you cry, again.

jungkook hurts people, and he doesn’t care.

you know.

he’s not sorry.

other drabbles in the series: but you’re my everything || don’t you ever want to miss me at all?

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook #jungkook angst #angst #big sigh #series: ttno #the song is one of my favorites though

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

i love you

title ; i love you but you let me down

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from alessia cara’s “you let me down”

this is the last one!! well except the epilogue that i last-minute spun up… honestly i can’t believe i made it this far. i can’t believe y’all kept up with this for this long. this more or less closes out the series - i actually wrote this chapter ages ago (with… several edits along the way LOL) but i always intended to release it last, so… thank you for reading, and i hope you guys enjoyed the story. i’ll see y’all for the author’s afterword in a little bit… and the epilogue! :)

word count ; 1.5k

tags ; angst, it’s really just a bunch of angst, but like a soft ending, thank u for being here, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

taglist ; @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo @notvantaes

sitting jungkook down and telling him you can’t be friends anymore is one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do in your entire life. your hands shake and your voice trembles and for a second you want to cave and take it all back and tell him it’s all a bad joke, that you can still be friends, that this was a mistake and you’re not leaving him but -

but you have to. looking at jungkook shouldn’t feel like bile in your throat and deep-rooted pain in your chest. looking at your friends should never feel like that. it should never hurt this bad.

you wish you were angrier. anger is the easiest emotion to feel; it always has been when it comes to jungkook. you always hid behind your anger when you were upset with him, but it’s too little too late for that. there’s a void inside you that jungkook caused and the anger just dissipates into emptiness.

you put so much of yourself into jungkook and here you are, letting it all fall away. erasing jungkook from your life, clutching the memories even as you set them aflame one by one, watching them go up in smoke. when you talk to him you know that he’ll always have a part of you. he’ll carry a piece of you that you know you’ll never be able to get back.

you hate that he can just rip a part of you out of your chest like this and you have no choice but to call it love. because you let him. you let him do this to you, let him use you and take as many pieces of you as you have left to offer, until there’s nothing left that you can give him. that you got lost in his smiles and all of your history and everything you shared with him and forgot to make room for yourself.

the truth is that you can’t keep going like this. that you can’t keep loving him in the hopes that it’ll be enough one day for him to change. leaving him is the only option you have left, even if the broken look on his face is one that you’ll never be able to forget, a cut that’ll run deep through you, fresh enough now that you’re convinced it’ll never heal over.

it hurts that he doesn’t deny it when you tell him you know he cheated again. it hurts that he can’t come up with anything to say when you remind him of all the ways he’s hurt people, yourself included. it hurts to know that he wouldn’t even ask you to stay, even if you’re the one who’s already decided that you won’t - can’t - even if he begs you.

“i love you,” is what you leave him with. “i just want you to be happy.”

you don’t tell him how much it pains you knowing that you can’t be by his side when he is.

when you stumble back into your empty apartment, taehyung’s worried eyes lingering on your back as you close the door, you manage to make your way into your bed before it all collapses on you.

you tug the sheets over your head, emotions storming in your head violently. it’s too much. you’re curling smaller, smaller, smaller, hands tearing at your hair, silent sobs ripped out of your throat as you cry.

we can’t be friends anymore.

it hurts. it hurts so much to leave.

your eyes are squeezed shut, nails tearing at anything you can get your hands on, anything to divert the pain, get out of your own head, but you can’t, apologies spilling out into empty air. he can’t hear you. jungkook can’t hear the way you gasp out i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m so sorry over and over and over again, desperate for him to know the way this is killing you inside.

you can’t stop seeing his face, helpless and broken. like he can’t believe you’re really doing this to him.

a fresh wave of pain consumes you, and you claw at your chest, because this is killing you. leaving him is destroying you.

i’m so sorry. i love you. i’m sorry.

you blame yourself for a lot of things. of course, it makes sense when jihyo tells you none of it is your fault. but also it doesn’t make sense. it doesn’t make any sense. it feels like your fault. you blame yourself for letting jungkook hurt the way that he does, so deeply and so intensely. you blame yourself for the way your friends have been hurt because you loved him too much, so much so that you couldn’t bear to let him go. you blame yourself for letting yourself think that you could fix him.

some days you wonder. if you could’ve saved him. if maybe you’d been less scared. less stubborn. you wonder if you’d been able to confess sooner - maybe by some absurd measure you could’ve been among the first jungkook had fallen in love with, so then maybe you would’ve also been the last person he hurt the way that he did.

but you know better. you know love isn’t enough to save somebody, never mind the fact that saving him isn’t a concept that could ever be possible. jungkook made his own decisions and all of them were aimed to hurt. that can’t be on you.

but it feels like it is.

you wish you could’ve been enough. you wish you didn’t feel like you let him down, like all the work you put in to make sure jungkook could be happy - you wish you didn’t feel like you’d thrown it all away. like you were the one who messed it all up because you chose to walk away.

the guilt tears at you for a long time. the first month feels the worst. you see him on every corner and in every place you go to because he was there with you. all of your memories have jungkook in them and it haunts you.

some days are better than others. some days the heartache is just that - an ache. a dull feeling in your chest that you think you stand a chance of locking away safely, never to be touched again. the kind of ache that will sit in your chest as a gentle reminder, not as a violent wound.

happiness feels like an offense. like something you don’t deserve. you certainly don’t deserve the patient way taehyung cares for you, the way he gives you space when all you can think about is the way jungkook looked at you when you told him you couldn’t be friends anymore. you hate yourself for selfishly clinging to taehyung when you can’t even properly say whether or not you’ve gotten over jungkook.

jihyo thinks you have. she says the horrible pain jungkook left you with isn’t because you’re in love with jungkook - it’s the crushing disappointment of believing in someone for so long and having them rip it to shreds in front of you, like it means nothing, over and over again. it’s grief. it’s putting so much of yourself into someone only to find they don’t really care at all.

it makes it hard for you to feel okay when every laugh taehyung pulls out of you feels like stepping further away from jungkook. why are you allowed to be okay when you have no idea if jungkook is?

but every step you take away from jungkook is a step towards realizing you were never going to be able to change him. no matter what you did or didn’t do, nothing would’ve changed what happened.

taehyung whispers promises into your ear and for once, you feel like it’s okay to believe him.

taehyung takes your hand and spins you in a circle and it makes you feel light. he leans in so close to you that you forget how to think straight. he pulls you into his chest and you can’t even remember what it felt like to hug jungkook anymore.

there’s relapses, of course. particularly on the days when you accidentally catch sight of jungkook on campus. taehyung gently holds your hand, brushes his thumb over your knuckles. “you loved him. as more than friends, but especially as friends. i don’t have a lot of rights to say anything because i wasn’t a part of so much of your history with him. but i get it. it hurts sometimes. it’s okay.”

when you cry, it kind of feels like a weight lifting off your shoulders.

you loved jungkook. you did. in a devastating way, in a way that ripped the air from your lungs and your heart out of your chest. you loved him, but he let you down. over and over again.

jungkook has left almost a decade of your life with his imprint on it but you have time. you have time to find who you are without him next to you, time to settle with being okay laughing without him by your side. you have time to learn what it’s like to put yourself first, again.

the happiness slips back into your life. a quiet, subtle change, one that you don’t notice at first. it ebbs and flows, and it takes a lot of work. it’ll probably be something you work for your whole life.

and for once, that’s okay.

fin.

#jungkook x you #taehyung x you #jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook #taehyung #angst #series: ttno #switched up the formatting a teeny tiny bit since it's the finale #will be posting the author's afterword soon!! either today or at least within the next couple days #epilogue and playlists will come shortly after that probably #thank you all for reading all the way through to the end

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

even if it’s pathetic

title ; even if it’s pathetic i want to ask, what was i to you?

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from baek ah yeon’s “shouldn’t have”

word count ; 2.2k

tags ; angst, college!au, we’re getting close to the end, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

you find jungkook in the common room on his dorm floor. he’s chatting with jennie and chaeyoung, roommates who live in a dorm down the hall from him. he’s seated, one arm thrown over the back of his chair, looking so casually handsome in his black tee and ripped jeans, tousled hair.

you make your way to him, crossing the length of the room. when he turns his head and spots you, the grin that forms on his face makes your heart ache. it doesn’t skip a beat like it used to, but a part of you remembers on reflex. that you love him.

“hey,” you don’t quite smile when you reach him, but he straightens up and beams. “i need to talk to you.”

he doesn’t seem to recognize the solemnity in your voice, getting distracted by chaeyoung and jennie’s conversation to the side. “jungkook,” you insist, one hand coming up to grip his chair. “in private, please.”

he blinks a couple times at you, confused by your urgency, but gets up nonetheless. “okay,” he says, one hand gesturing for you to go first. “my roommate’s out. let’s go to my dorm.”

the short walk down the hall feels like an eternity. you rub your palms against your jeans, running the words over in your head again and again. the ones you tried your best to memorize, so you can get what you want to say across and leave with as little damage to your heart as possible.

when jungkook opens his door, you take a seat at his desk. jungkook stands across from you, leaning against his dresser. “what’s up? everything okay?”

you feel like you might pass out.

“hey,” jungkook leans forward a little, tilting his head at you and smiling comfortingly. “it’s just me.”

that’s the problem.

you take a deep breath, trying to stabilize yourself. “jungkook,” your voice is steady, thank god. “i need to tell you something. but before i tell you, i just need you to know that you’re my friend, one of my closest friends, and you mean a lot to me. that in spite of everything we’ve been through, that’s never changed. and…”

oh, god.

you can’t get through the rest of your planned speech. it all slips out of your mind when you’re looking at him here, alone, and he’s staring back with his undivided attention. you can see the confusion in his expression, but he stays quiet, listening to you.

“oh, fuck this,” you mutter. “this script is bullshit.”

his lips quirk a little, though he doesn’t look any less puzzled.

“i’m in love with you.”

the confession comes softly, without hesitation. it sounds too loud in the silence of his room, but you hold his gaze, your heart beating out of your chest. you pray he can’t tell, that he doesn’t notice how hard it is for you to admit it out loud knowing he’ll never love you back. even if the person you want is no longer him.

he looks utterly baffled. it’s like he doesn’t quite understand what you’re saying - as if it’s all a foreign concept, like he hasn’t heard countless similar confessions before from exes and others. it makes you smile bitterly, that he doesn’t understand you even when you lay it so plainly out on the table for him.

“i’ve been in love with you for a long time, jungkook,” you push, gently. you watch it slowly dawn on him, eyes going wide, lips parting in surprise. he struggles to form words, unsure what to say. he looks like he can’t really make sense of what you’re telling him. like it’s not even possible that you could be in love with him even when you’ve been so utterly obvious for so many years.

“w-what?”

you feel calmer, now that it’s out. no longer lodged in your throat, stuck impossibly there for almost as many years as you’ve known him.

you purse your lips. “yeah,” it comes out a heavy sigh. “for years, jungkook. i’ve been in love with you for years. but i’m trying not to be. i’m trying really hard to move on, and… i don’t think i could do that without telling you. maybe it’s selfish, but i needed the closure. i needed you to know.”

you pull your bottom lip into your mouth, entire body tense again. you raise your eyes to meet his. “i needed to look you in the face and say it out loud, so i could be sure.” that you don’t love me like that. that i need to let go. that i’m capable of letting go.

“i hope…” you grip at the edges of your shirt, wrinkling the material, trying to keep yourself grounded. “i hope you don’t look at me differently for it. i hope that… i hope that we can still be friends, jungkook.”

you don’t know if he can hear the desperation in your voice. the fear. of losing him. jungkook is so much a part of your life that you’re terrified your feelings will get in the way. even if you’re professing them so you can finally put them to rest.

jungkook stares at you, and you can practically hear the gears in his head turning, processing, trying to comprehend what you’ve left out in the open air now. he sinks slowly to the floor, a short, nervous laugh escaping him, and a corner of your lips twitch at that. jungkook really never knows what to do with feelings.

“why now?” he asks, knees pulling up. “why tell me now?”

your fingers tap nervously against the wood of his chair before you make the split-second decision to join him on the ground, legs criss-cross. your shoulders are an inch apart from his, but the space suddenly feels too tangible.

“i meant to tell you years ago,” you admit finally. “after you broke up with yerin. but i couldn’t do it. i convinced myself i didn’t like you anymore. but i was wrong. and i did it again and again, i like you, i don’t, i like you, i don’t. whatever was easiest for me to face. until it stopped being easy. until i stopped being able to pretend.”

you turn to look at him. you wonder if he can see your broken heart when your eyes meet. “until i fell in love with you.”

jungkook sucks in a breath, eyebrows furrowing. he doesn’t look away from you, as if the way you look at him is holding him captive, imprisoned. you smile, a little sadly.

“and while i’m being honest, jungkook, i’m just… tired of being scared. hurting by myself while you find one girl after the next, and never seem to want me. at some point i resigned myself to accepting you’d never want me the way you wanted yerin, lisa, jamie, jisoo… nayeon.”

you swallow hard. nayeon’s name is hard to speak, when you know how she ended up on his list.

“and at first it was just - i don’t know. maybe i didn’t want to fuck up our friendship. maybe i was scared of what it meant if i loved you. all i know is that at some point” - you inhale shakily - “at some point it became less about you not loving me, and more about the possibility that you might. that you could.”

every part of you feels vulnerable right now. like all your walls are down, and he can see all of you. “i was scared to tell you i love you, because what if you liked me too?” you whisper.

“and i knew you wouldn’t mean it,” you tilt your head back tiredly against his dresser, shutting your eyes. “i knew i’d be just like every girl you’ve ever dated. i’d wonder, is he talking to another girl? is he hanging out with someone else? because that was me, jungkook.” you open your eyes, head still resting against his dresser when you turn towards him. “when you said good night to yerin, you stayed up all night with me. instead of calling jamie, you were calling me. and now?” you lift your head up, staring at him even as he looks away, knowing what’s coming next. “now, when you’ve decided you want nayeon, instead of jisoo?”

jungkook’s shoulders tense. he doesn’t look at you - can’t, not with the unshed tears in your eyes and the hurt so utterly evident in your voice.

“jungkook,” your voice forces him to look back at you. “i don’t think i could’ve handled it if you decided one day that you wanted me and then left me the same way you left jisoo. because i knew. i know you jungkook,” you breathe. “even if one day you decided you wanted me, someday, sooner or later…” your lips twist into a pained smile.

“a part of you would realize you didn’t really want me after all.”

in spite of everything, you leave jungkook’s room intact. head held high. it’s jungkook who keeps his head lowered, shame wrapped around him as you try to tell him as gently as possible how he hurt you. how he should never have treated you the way he did if he wasn’t going to love you like you’d desperately wanted him to.

“i want to move on, jungkook. i don’t want to keep doing this to myself. waiting on someone who doesn’t want me. the way you treat your relationships are so fickle, and being in love with you made it so hard for me to tell you that. because when you’re in love with someone you don’t always see things with clear lenses.

“but looking back on it, you shouldn’t have held my hand. you shouldn’t have treated me special. when you do things that cross the line from friendship into lovers - if you were just hurting me, that’s one thing. but you were hurting your girlfriend, too. because she should be the one on the receiving end, not me. there shouldn’t be a pattern of girls you leave behind who tell me that you couldn’t give them what they needed or wanted because you were doing those things for me. you leave me with the guilt because i love you and i’m selfish, and i wanted anything you were willing to give me. your actions weren’t for me to accept, and i admit to that. but i shouldn’t have had to stop you to begin with. you should know better than to start in the first place. and if everyone else could see that you were giving me the attention that belonged entirely to someone else - then i don’t think i’m the only person who shoulders the responsibility. you should’ve known better.

“jungkook, i still love you,” you promise. “but from now on, as friends. i hope you know that means you can’t keep… holding me, the way you do. i’ll be here if you need me. but i think we need some new boundaries, jungkook.”

by some miracle, jungkook doesn’t argue. he looks torn up, and you hate to be the reason behind it, but after years of being in love with him without any reprieve, you think this is the one time you’ll have to let jungkook hurt on his own. sit with his own actions spelled out for him.

“if it counts for anything… i didn’t know,” jungkook had said, quietly, in the aftermath. “how you felt. i just… you’re my friend.”

sana will tell you he’s lying to your face but you believe him. you always do, after all.

in the end, it doesn’t matter. your heart is battered and bruised, but you still feel a weight shift off your shoulders. whether or not jungkook was leading you on, whether or not jungkook has feelings for you and just isn’t capable of recognizing them - you don’t want to play what-ifs. you’re tired of being hurt by them.

jungkook says he doesn’t know how you felt. jungkook says he never reciprocated, not even once. okay. you’ll take what he says at face value. you don’t want to dwell any longer. you’ve had years to dwell on every single little action jungkook took, every word he ever said to you, trying to comprehend if he meant something more. trying to make sense of the way he looked at you.

you still love him, of course. your feelings are still there; speaking them into a space where he can hear doesn’t make them suddenly disappear. but he’s still your friend, too. and for the first time in years, you can finally settle with the term, sit comfortably with being just his friend.

you know you’ll always love him. but it doesn’t mean you’ll always be in love with him, and for once, you feel like you stand a chance of actually getting over him. there’s a relief, in not having to wipe jungkook clean out of your life. a relief in having told him all the ways he’s hurt you, and feeling like he won’t do it again. because you won’t let him. because he knows better now.

it’s a feeling you let settle into you. a comfort. one that you should know better than to let sink in, because it’s jungkook, and you know him better than anyone, even when you’re lying to yourself.

other drabbles in the series: let me love you || let you treat me like that

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook #jungkook angst #angst #series: ttno #oooooof

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

see you with her

title ; see you with her guess i should stop thinking about you all the time

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from tori kelly’s “all in my head”

for any readers who are following along by release order (and not via the masterlist / chronological), please note this one happens well before the last release from tuesday!! ^^

word count ; 3.1k

tags ; drinking, jungkook having borderline offensive tastes in pasta (but like just for the funsies), a bit of fluff this time, taehyung is a sweetheart for real, hints of jealous kook!!, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

“you know tomorrow’s still a school day, right?”

jihyo stares at sana, who is tipping back a concerningly large amount of alcohol. sana, seated on the floor of her dorm, slams the empty cup onto the ground, grinning widely back.

“i,” she throws her arm out in a grand sweeping gesture. “don’t have lecture tomorrow. professor canceled.”

yerin leans close to you. “so what’s jeongyeon’s excuse?”

jeongyeon is tipping back shots like she has a second liver. quite frankly you’re just impressed sana and jeongyeon managed to hide this much liquor in their dorm room without alerting the ra, but you make a couple of vague noises before looking back at your friend and shrugging. “beats me.”

your phone alerts you with a text from jungkook signaling he’s outside, so you clamber up to open the door for him, only to be met with a faceful of his chest as he immediately swings his arm over you, tugging you back into the room. “hello,” he sings, as you stumble backwards, barely managing to shut the door and lock it before he’s dragging you further into sana and jeongyeon’s tiny little dorm.

he smells like fresh laundry, with just a hint of peaches. the cotton of his hoodie feels incredibly soft against your cheek, and you shouldn’t lean into him, but you can’t help it. he smells good and he feels warm and you don’t want to pull away.

“you guys started without me?” he laughs, when he sees the flush of pink across your friends’ faces, the way sana’s eyes are already starting to glaze over a little. you turn to look at him as he speaks. you should regret it immediately, but you don’t ever really think straight around jungkook, not when his weight is pressed comfortably against you like this. you forget how tired you are of him, how angry you are all the time, how you should throw his arm off your shoulder and remind him again that he has a girlfriend and that he can’t keep touching you like you’re his and he’s yours.

but he’s smiling, bunny teeth poking out, doe eyes sparkling in amusement, and your whole world stops for just a moment, enchanted by the way he surrounds you wholly.

the moment is interrupted violently by sana launching a pillow straight into jungkook’s face.

sana, for the amount of alcohol she’s already consumed, has strikingly good aim. it’s kind of a running joke - a sober sana can’t aim to save her life, but a drunk one? astounding accuracy.

jungkook, infuriatingly so, manages to swipe it out of his way before it can hit him square in the face. “hey,” he complains. “what was that for?”

“you hey,” sana retorts childishly. “get your hands off y/n. you have a girlfriend now.”

jungkook shrugs. his palm brushes across the span of your shoulder before he fully lets you go. sana narrows her eyes but you pretend not to notice his lingering touch, moving to sit back down next to yerin.

the group devolves into their usual nonsense - sana (very drunk) and jungkook (very sober) bicker over the superior shapes of pasta while jeongyeon falls asleep in yerin’s lap. jihyo sighs at the way jungkook purposefully prods at sana, who goes off on a tirade about how rotini is leagues better than farfalle (she’s right) but jungkook simply shrugs and says farfalle is shaped like cute little bows and therefore is better.

you’re about ready to doze off yourself, idly watching whatever sana and jeongyeon have playing on their tv, when sana suddenly shouts. jeongyeon’s head shoots up and narrowly avoids smacking yerin in the face, shocked awake.

“what, what?” yerin pingpongs between every person in the room, trying to figure out what the cause of the ruckus is.

sana points at you. “who’s taehyung?”

you feel every person in the room’s eyes land on you. but your eyes immediately snap to jungkook, while everyone else is shifting and waiting for your answer curiously. jungkook raises his eyebrows back at you. you look away first, eyes darting around the room. jeongyeon is wide awake now, jihyo straightened up from her place on sana’s bed.

you groan, throwing yourself backwards onto the floor, sprawling out in the limited space. “he’s just a friend,” you drag out the syllables, voice raising louder to drown out the immediate overlapping shouting from your friends. you swear sana and jeongyeon are about to get a noise complaint down to the ra.

“just a friend,” jungkook’s voice carries through the noise. “i’m surprised you never brought him up, though.”

you lean up on your elbows. you wonder if you’re just imagining it - the jealous undertone, the way he stares back at you like he’s waiting for you to make your move. daring you to promise everyone that taehyung really is just a friend.

you don’t want to play this game. you push up into a proper sitting position, leaning back a little to prop yourself up on your palms. “i forgot,” you shrug carelessly. the room is eerily quiet after all the hubbub from before. you match jungkook’s gaze levelly when you say, “i’ll admit he’s cute, though.”

jungkook tenses, and you hate it. he brings out the worst in you when he’s like this, but all of it is instantly buried under the avalanche of questions your friends have for you after that particular confession. you so rarely have an interest in other people - people who aren’t jungkook - so everyone wants to know. what’s he look like? what’s his major? where’d you meet?

“just bring him to the festival next weekend,” jungkook chimes in casually. “i’ll bring jisoo. you can all meet her.”

just like that, jungkook knocks you back into place, reminding you of where you stand. there’s no way jungkook could ever be jealous of taehyung - jungkook has a girlfriend, for god’s sake. you must’ve imagined it all - the careful way he framed his words, the edge to his voice, the flash of displeasure when you called taehyung cute.

taehyung, who by all means, genuinely is just a friend, even if he is unbearably hot and oddly attentive.

a friend, also, that you now have to find a way to invite to meet all of your other friends without sounding weird about it. fuck.

you’ll chalk this one up to taehyung’s friendly nature. he agrees readily to joining you at the festival - doesn’t even bat an eye at the question, even suggests going together with his friends instead of struggling to find each other there somehow. which would explain why you’re treading across the grass now with four boys in tow, trying not to reveal how painfully awkward you actually are. curse taehyung and his ever-charming grin, he’s the one who got you into this shit. can’t he tell by now how generally averse you are to social situations?

to make matters worse, his friends are just as devastatingly handsome as he is. jimin had greeted you with a sweet smile (then promptly enveloped you in a hug, and yeah, okay, he smells really good) and hoseok had simply not stopped talking since you met him. only yoongi is relatively quiet, looking just as aggrieved to be here as you feel.

“yoongi lost a bet,” taehyung whispers in your ear, while hoseok is still telling an extravagant story about… well, you’re actually not sure what about. “we had to force him to come here this early.”

“i’m a senior,” yoongi gripes, having overheard him. “what could they possibly do that is new this year?”

“come on now,” hoseok pauses mid-story to enter this conversation with ease. “this is to celebrate our pride and joy for the university, yoongi.”

you’re not really sure if he means it or if he’s being sarcastic. but the glare yoongi gives him makes you snicker, while jimin throws an arm around both of them. “this is to prepare to get wasted later,” he declares, and jimin looks like the kind of guy who would pass out after approximately two drinks but you get the feeling he can really tank them. you haven’t decided yet whether or not that’s concerning.

“besides,” hoseok prods yoongi with a finger. “you have to come watch me dance.”

taehyung had informed you earlier that hoseok is apparently a part of the dance crew performing later, and yoongi is apparently a very good friend, or at least good enough to haul himself out of bed just in time to watch hoseok perform with his crew every year before ambling back home. so it’s just in line with what you know about his friends when yoongi looks like he’s about to acquiesce, only for jimin to give him a wicked grin. “and you lost the bet.”

yoongi lets out the longest, most tired sigh you’ve ever heard a person make, and you decide you and him are gonna get along quite well.

jimin drags yoongi off in the direction of soft pretzels while hoseok heads off to join his dance crew, leaving you and taehyung to wander around for a bit, searching for your friends. you get distracted along the way - since it’s your freshman year, it’s the first time you’ve attended the festival. taehyung attended last year, so he grins widely when your eyes light up at the sight of puppies, a surprised laugh escaping you.

“so cute,” you scratch the back of one puppy’s ear, a delighted giggle slipping out when the puppy tries to jump into your lap.

“not as cute as yeontan,” taehyung sniffs, and you arch an eyebrow at him. he whips out his phone immediately, pulling up photos of an adorable pomeranian, pleased when you coo at the photos too.

the two of you walk around aimlessly. at one point you get two things of cotton candy - taehyung’s eyes go wide when you inform him that yes, you will be eating both of them (which you do, eventually) - while taehyung gets his face painted, an adorable little bear on his left cheek.

“cute,” you compliment offhandedly.

“me? i know,” taehyung grins when you roll your eyes. you reach out to shove his face away playfully, but he catches your hand before you can make contact. “careful,” he teases. “you’re gonna get paint everywhere and ruin my beautiful face.”

“beautiful? where?” you pretend to search him, moving your head left and right and laughing when taehyung releases your hand in a light shoving motion.

“i’m flawless,” taehyung asserts, straightening his back and flipping invisible hair over his shoulder. you suck in a breath, tilting your head.

“well, at least you have confidence,” you joke, and he bumps shoulders with you, unashamed.

you jump when you hear someone yelling your name, hand instinctively coming up to grab taehyung’s arm. he startles at the motion but looks more amused than surprised, while you whip your head around trying to find the source. it doesn’t take long, considering you probably could’ve heard sana from the other side of campus from the way she hollers your name, waving her arms excitedly in tandem with jeongyeon.

there’s a lot of hugging and greetings and introductions as taehyung gets bombarded on all sides by your friends who are excited and curious to meet him. he takes it all in stride, doesn’t even notice when sana yanks you to the side to hiss what the fuck, he’s gorgeous into your ear.

(it’s a high compliment from sana, considering her general distaste for men.)

it’s only when jungkook shows up that things start to unravel, everything falling apart so suddenly and so rapidly you hardly have time to realize it’s happened.

it starts with seeing his girlfriend on his arm, pretty, dainty fingers wrapped around his bicep as he introduces her. she’s dazzling, ridiculously so. they make a magazine cover-worthy couple; if it didn’t feel like such a punch to the gut you’d be offended by it all. she looks at jungkook like he holds the world in his hands - and the worst part is he looks back at her the same way.

you barely register the hand she holds out to you - the way jungkook introduces you as one of his closest friends - forcing a smile to your face as you shake her hand before pulling away as fast as you can without being obvious.

taehyung watches quietly, the way you slowly draw into yourself, one hand crossed over your midsection to hold your other arm. if he had an inkling of what jungkook meant to you before, it’s clear as day now, cemented by the way you refuse to look directly at jungkook. the deep heartache in your eyes betrays the shy smile on your face; even when your eyes crinkle in the corners he can see how sad you are.

he’s watching your heart splinter right in front of him, and there’s little he can do about it.

you make the mistake of looking up just as jungkook presses a kiss to jisoo’s cheek. your chest tightens and you swallow hard. it shouldn’t still be this difficult. years of jungkook filtering through girls should have trained you for this - but you’d spent almost just as many years in denial, pretending like his hand wrapped around someone else’s wasn’t driving a stake through your heart every time.

it’s impossible to pretend anymore, not when you still have the feel of jungkook’s palm against yours memorized. not when you can still recall the way his hands ruffle your hair or the way he looks at you, head tilted, pretty eyes twinkling like you’re special to him. he always looked at you differently. always.

but never quite the way he does when he looks at his girlfriend.

you startle when you feel taehyung shuffle in close to you, leaning down and so close that you can feel his breath against your ear. “hey,” he murmurs. “wanna go watch hoseok dance with me? he should be just about ready to go on now.”

you turn to face him. he’s centimeters away from you but he doesn’t back away, gentle smile curving his lips. his eyebrows raise questioningly, patiently awaiting your answer.

you don’t notice jungkook watching when taehyung has your attention. you don’t catch the way jungkook frowns, seeing taehyung so close to you, eyebrows furrowing when you offer taehyung a small smile and nod. his expression is cleared by the time you turn back, announcing that you’re off to watch the dance performance, your friends not so subtly shifting their eyes between you and taehyung.

taehyung nods his head politely at your friends, smile growing tight when he lands on jungkook, before turning away. he rests a hand on your back, guiding you towards the dance stage, and you let him. you don’t see the way jungkook’s jaw clenches slightly, annoyance flashing through his eyes at the sight of taehyung’s hands on you. you’re too focused on trying to leave, put as much distance as you can between him and his brand new girlfriend.

taehyung drops his hand when you’re out of sight of your friends, though he’s fairly certain he can hear them giggling faintly in the distance, maybe even his name and your name flitting through the conversation. he puts his attention on you instead, trying to gauge whether he should ask about jungkook or not.

you should be too much trouble. having your heart so blatantly belong to someone else should have alarms ringing wildly in taehyung’s ears, but instead he’d whisked you away, wanting so much to wipe that heartbroken look off your face, to see you smile and ramble and do all the things you do when it’s just you and him. you’re so quiet now, walking silently beside him, atmosphere changed drastically from when he’d taken you around the festival to see all the things the university had to offer today.

your head jerks up suddenly to look at him, and he flinches out of sheer shock. “how long has hoseok been dancing?” you ask, and he stares blankly at you, astounded by the 180 degree change.

you’ve wiped all traces of sadness from your expression. curious eyes waiting for his answer, and taehyung has to collect his thoughts before he can answer. “like, i think since he was in elementary school, or something,” he responds. you hum, turning away and nodding.

“he must be really good at it,” you muse.

“he is,” taehyung confirms absently, eyes trailing over you. he spots it then, the way your hands are held together as you walk, your right thumb digging hard across the width of your palm, hands twisting together. it’s the only thing betraying the emotions you’re hiding underneath aimless questions about hoseok and the dance performance, which taehyung answers systematically back.

“hey,” taehyung stops you abruptly, steadying you when you nearly trip from trying to stop so fast. “woops. sorry. can you check if the paint is dry?”

you look a little confused as he points to his cheek, but don’t question it much when he leans down, close enough to you that you can see his individual eyelashes and the pretty specks in his eyes. you draw back on instinct, putting space between you and him even as your hands detangle to come up and brush your fingers faintly against his skin around the edges of the bear painting on his cheek.

“i think it’s dry,” you comment, head tilting while your fingers press lightly against his cheek. taehyung tries not to shiver at the feeling of your breath against his skin, or think about how close you are to him, your concentration making you forget how little distance there is between the two of you. one finger slides against the edges of the outline of the bear’s face and you hum, nodding, satisfied with your prodding. “yeah. it’s dry.”

you turn to look at him, heart jumping at the small quirk in his lips that he does when he recognizes the flustered look on your face at the realization of how far into his space you’d gotten. you back out immediately, taehyung taking his sweet time to rise back up to his full height.

“thanks,” he smiles, drawing out the ‘s’ a little longer at the end. you narrow your eyes at him in suspicion but let him go back to leading the way to the stage, finding yoongi and jimin and joining them towards the front of the stage.

while jimin is explaining why he never joined the school dance team to you, taehyung smiles secretively to himself. your hands are no longer worriedly pulling at each other, instead loosely laced together as you listen to jimin’s story, laughing at yoongi’s intermittent interjections.

when your jaw drops at the sight of hoseok taking over the stage, taehyung feels a warmth in his chest that shows itself in the form of a wide grin that he doesn’t bother to hide.

other drabbles in the series: like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen || the worst

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon

#jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook #taehyung #doublejeon #tagging in the tags section because for some reason it won't let me in the post? sorry :(#jeon jungkook #kim taehyung #angst #fluff #series: ttno #tag edit to add: guess who thought today was friday and not thursday lmao i was gonna release this tmr but well. oops #w/e it's my blog i do what i want! LMAO

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

nothing like us

title ; nothing like us nothing can make me feel like you do

part one

notes ;

part two of let you treat me like that (linked above)

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from jungkook’s cover of “nothing like us”

word count ; 2.8k

tags ; angst, i apologize in advance, seriously i’m SORRY pls don’t be too mad, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

you’ve never gone very long without talking to jungkook. maybe a couple days, max. there’s always something to say, some story to tell. either jungkook will need you for something or you’ll cave and chase after him.

it’s not the first time you’ve fought with jungkook either. but never to this degree, your words and his words echoing in your head. thinking over all the ways this could have gone differently.

it’s been radio silence for weeks, now. both your hometown group chat and your college group chat have cobwebs collecting from how quiet they are, messages limited to one-on-ones, everyone treading carefully around the trainwreck that is you and jungkook. yugyeom, as jungkook’s best friend, doesn’t message you at all - though you do hear from yerin that he’s worried about the both of you.

you don’t share classes with jungkook this semester, so it’s rare that you so much as see him. but you do catch glimpses - his backpack as he disappears around a corner, or his familiar mop of hair exiting the dining hall. it feels so much like he’s slipping right through your fingers - even if you’re the one who cast him out.

“hey.” taehyung taps a pencil lightly against your head, trying to bring you back to earth. “penny for your thoughts?”

you don’t have the heart to tell him. what are you supposed to say? ‘i’m fucked up because i might have lost a friend who also happens to be the guy i’m in love with that is stopping me from starting anything with you’?

you’d rather seal your mouth shut with krazy glue.

you try smiling at him instead, but it only makes taehyung wince. you let the forced smile fall from your lips and he gives you a sympathetic look. taehyung watches your eyes glaze over again, mind a thousand miles away. when there are things troubling you, you always feel so far away. locked up inside yourself, unreachable.

“y/n,” taehyung breaks the silence, his gaze soft when he looks at you. “you can talk to me, you know. even if it’s about jungkook.” he quirks his lips. “promise i’ll behave.”

the smile you give him doesn’t reach your eyes. still, somehow, taehyung feels like he’s made a step forward, because your eyes tell him that you’re not okay. he’s used to your walls being up - cheerful disguises masking the way you really feel underneath. that you’d let him in just enough so he can see that you’re hurting is enough for him to know that you feel even a little bit safe around him.

he doesn’t push, this time. when you brush him off but subtly nudge his shoulder with yours for the quiet comfort of his warmth, he decides he’ll wait a little longer for you.

the first time you catch sight of jungkook after the argument, your head ducks on instinct.

it’s so painfully obvious that you suck a breath in between your teeth, embarrassed. you could at least try to act cool about it, or pretend like you didn’t even see him. not this dramatic comedy bullshit where you literally hide your face behind your hand.

yerin looks at you funny. “you alright?”

you clear your throat, straightening back up. you can’t help it, eyes darting back in the direction where jungkook was. “yeah, i just…” your voice falters when you find him. he’s sitting down at a table with nayeon, throwing his backpack onto a chair next to him. his back is to you but you can see the side profile of his face, the grin that he has when he leans closer to her.

yerin follows your line of sight. “oh,” she purses her lips, setting down her pencil. “should we go somewhere else?”

you turn your attention back to her immediately. “no, no - it’s fine. he - probably didn’t even see us anyway.” you pick back at your food, feeling self-conscious for acting like this in front of jungkook’s literal ex-girlfriend, someone, who by all technicalities, should have better reasons to dodge jungkook than you do.

yerin eyes you carefully, but decides not to press the issue, going back to her notes while you eat with her in the student center. you don’t have much of an appetite anymore. you know jungkook saw you, having walked right past you before making his way to nayeon. is it on purpose? sitting somewhere right in your line of sight - but you know that’s absurd, because nayeon was probably here first, and jungkook just happened to be meeting her.

you hate that he seems to be at ease, thumb brushing over nayeon’s cheek while he stares at her affectionately. like losing you did nothing to him, like the words you left him with had simply floated away, meaningless.

it’s a bitter feeling that settles into you, and you tear your eyes away.

the second time you bump into jungkook feels even worse than the first.

you hear him before you see him. it’s second nature for you to look up and search for him, without even realizing. but jungkook must’ve spotted you first, by just a half-second, because by the time your head is lifted, eyes widening upon recognition of his familiar features, he’s already staring back at you, lips parting in surprise, words lodged in his throat.

it’s the first time you’ve ever seen jungkook caught off guard by you. whatever he was saying never makes it past his lips, a girl you recognize faintly as jennie nudging him with her elbow, confused by the way he’d paused.

there’s a flash of emotion in his eyes that you can’t quite place; it’s gone too fast before you can really name it. all you know is that it feels bad, and before you can stop yourself, you’re forcing a quick smile on your face then walking straight past him wordlessly, head down, like you have something to be ashamed of.

you don’t catch the way his head turns to follow you, nor the way he stops fully in the middle of the sidewalk just to watch you walk away from him like you’re fleeing a crime scene where he’s the crime you’ve committed. he doesn’t even hear jennie asking him what’s wrong, just knows that you’d looked at him with a broken wistfulness in your eyes before hurrying away, trying to put as much distance between you and him as possible.

he doesn’t know what to do. you and him have never been like this before, and there’s no guidebook on how to fix things when he doesn’t even feel like he deserves to try.

yoongi swivels in his chair, reaching out with a foot to nudge you. “what’s with the storm cloud?”

you look up at him, confused. taehyung is in the bathroom, jimin and hoseok are out picking up dinner, so it’s just the three of you in the boys’ apartment. “what?”

“you look miserable.” yoongi was never one to beat around the bush.

you grimace. “sorry.”

he shrugs, letting his chair sway from side to side idly. “don’t be. did taehyung do something?”

you squint at him. “does he usually make girls sad?”

yoongi smirks. “girls who aren’t you, yeah. have you seen his face?”

that earns him a snort. “regular heartbreaker, kim taehyung.” you lean back on the couch, crossing your arms over your chest. “no. i wouldn’t be here if taehyung was making me sad.”

yoongi observes you quietly. he lets you sit and mull over your thoughts, slowly lowering the defenses you always have up. the internal debate you’re having rolls to a stop as you make a decision. your arms unfold, fingers fiddling with each other as you admit, “i fought with jungkook.”

as far as yoongi is concerned, you usually fight with jungkook. it’s nothing new. he’s heard about jungkook from both you and taehyung, though the lenses you tell the stories through differ vastly, taehyung’s laced with barely concealed frustration and anger when you’re not around while yours front with spite in a poor attempt to hide the heartache.

even still, he can tell it’s different this time. your body is tense, like you’re geared to run at any time, but your head is lowered, bottom lip pulled into your mouth. “it was bad, yoongi,” you confess, your stare unfocused. “i know tae is worried but to be honest i don’t even know where to begin.”

nails dig anxious marks into your skin, as you press them hard against your fingers, your palm, anything to keep you grounded. “everyone keeps telling me that maybe i should just let him go,” you continue. “but i can’t just leave shit like this.” you look up at yoongi like you’re pleading him. “if i let him go, it can’t be like this.”

yoongi reaches a hand out to squeeze your shoulder comfortingly. “then talk to him,” he answers simply. your eyebrows knit together, like the concept is confusing, and he smiles slightly. “make peace with him,” yoongi says. “then decide whether or not you want to leave.”

he glances above your head then, and you twist in your seat to find taehyung standing at the entrance of the hallway, looking back at you with an unreadable expression. taehyung takes in the unshed tears in your eyes, the way yoongi still has a hand on your shoulder. the worst part is the way you look at him, equal parts wounded and worried, like caring about jungkook is something you should be apologizing for.

yoongi’s hand slides off your shoulder as taehyung takes a seat beside you, giving you a small smile. “i’m glad you talked about it,” he says. he resists the urge to tuck your hair behind your ear, or brush his knuckles against your cheek. “it must be hard to worry about all this by yourself.”

your lower lip trembles, and he settles for ruffling your hair instead while you’re trying your best to hold back tears. “i’m sorry,” you mumble, but taehyung just laughs lightly, pulling you into a hug.

“for what,” he murmurs against your hair. “caring about someone?”

you shake your head against his chest while your arms come to wrap around him, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. taehyung rubs a soothing hand against your back, a quiet reassurance.

you manage not to cry, though you do sniffle a little when you pull back, giving both yoongi and taehyung a teary-eyed smile. “who knew boys could give good advice,” you quip, yoongi rolling his eyes while taehyung grins back at you.

just then, the door bursts open, bringing with it a slight draft and the chaotic loudness of jimin and hoseok combined. “party, party, party,” hoseok chants, but it’s jimin who notices the slight redness of your eyes and nose.

he sets the food down immediately and jumps over the couch to squeeze between you and taehyung, fingers pinching your cheeks. “who did this to you?” he interrogates, tugging your cheeks outwards, making you giggle. “if it’s taehyung, fuck the soulmate shit, i’ll kick his ass anytime.”

taehyung makes an affronted noise, “like you even could, asshole-” then grunts when jimin somehow kicks a foot backwards against his shin. “it wasn’t even me!”

you laugh and jimin coos, hoseok coming from behind the couch to wrap the three of you into a crushing, vaguely uncomfortable hug against his chest.

yoongi stares at all of you like he can’t believe this is his life before hoseok reaches an arm out and yanks him by the jacket off the chair and into the group hug too with a yelp.

“friendship,” hoseok croons. “that’s what love is made of.”

“friendship,” yoongi grumbles, detangling himself and consequently the rest of you, “is made of personal space. where the fuck is the fried chicken, jung?”

it’s one of the warmer nights when you spot jungkook sitting on the steps outside of the campus library, idly spinning his phone in his hands. spring semester is starting to actually feel like spring semester, chilly days giving way for more sunlight as winter fades away.

he doesn’t look surprised when he sees you this time. his eyes don’t widen and he doesn’t look away, and neither do you. it’s quiet, a comfortable breeze rustling leaves as you make your way down the path. you don’t choose to walk in the opposite direction, or give him a wide berth. you simply keep moving towards him without much thought, until you find yourself standing right before him.

he peers up at you, hands stilled, phone no longer spinning. you take a seat on the steps beside him, taking your headphones out to hang around your neck.

the two of you sit in silence. the library was built on slightly higher ground, so you can see the sun setting between the trees, a pretty blend of red, orange, and yellow hues.

“remember freshman orientation?” you ask, and one corner of jungkook’s lips lift upwards. he knows exactly what you’re talking about - you, him, jihyo, and yerin had all attended the university’s three-day, two-night orientation together, and despite having all been placed in different orientation groups, managed to find each other during group events and towards the end of the night, when your orientation leaders let you explore by yourselves.

on the last day of orientation, before you were all set to head back home, jungkook had found you and pulled you along excitedly with him. “look,” he’d proclaimed, pointing out to the horizon, grinning at the gasp you’d let out at the sight. it was so long ago and the university so unfamiliar that neither of you even remembered anymore what part of campus you’d been standing on as you watched the sunset together.

the pair of you lapse back into silence, the sky growing ever-darker as the sun made its descent. every now and then a student passed by, shuffling back towards their dorm building or into the library.

it’s jungkook who breaks the silence, turning towards you. “i’m a shitty friend, aren’t i?” he looks defeated, sad, as he says it, his voice a little rough.

you press your lips together, looking back at him. you could tell him how everyone is begging you to just break things off with jungkook, how jungkook’s mistakes are no longer worth your time or forgiveness. but for all of jungkook’s flaws, you’re the one who remembers the way jungkook held extra parties at his house when jamie’s parents were on the verge of divorce so she didn’t have to spend time at home, or the way jungkook socked dahyun’s bully in the face the instant he found out about it, or the way he was the first to show up at jeongyeon’s door when jeongyeon found out she failed one of her classes fall semester of freshman year.

jungkook cares. maybe too much. he’s not good at showing it and maybe because he cares so much he falls in love too easily and too quickly and too much at once but he does care. you believe this much about him.

“i don’t think you’re a shitty friend,” you respond, gently jostling your knee against his. “but you did do and say some really shitty things, jungkook.”

he nods, slowly. with a sigh he shifts forward, leaning on his knees. “i don’t know what the difference is,” he huffs out bitterly. “i cheated on jisoo and didn’t feel bad about it. i blew up at sana and dragged you into the middle of it. i… all i do is fuck shit up.” he lifts his head towards you with a wry grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. he looks away again, running a hand through his tousled hair. “but you always come back for me.” he turns to you. “you’re always still here for me.”

you scuff your shoe against the concrete of the stairs. “because i care about you,” you twist your lips, before meeting his eyes. “because i know that underneath all the apathy, there’s a lot of pain. a lot of anger. but you do care, jungkook. i know you do.”

jungkook doesn’t say anything, but the tired smile he gives you makes the unease that’s been sitting in your chest since the day you started fighting melt away. it leaves room for repair, for you to trust in your endless faith in jungkook, even when no one else does.

“i’m sorry,” he murmurs, gazing at you. “i mean it. for yelling at you. for saying all the things i did.” he drops his gaze for a minute, then lifts his eyes back up to you. “you deserve better than that.”

it takes time. even after jungkook apologizes to sana, even after the group builds back up to its usual chaos, you and jungkook keep a measured space between you two, borne of caution and hesitance. it’s slow, a gradual closure of the distance, unspoken apologies written into every action as the gap lessens, until you feel okay again. until you and jungkook are okay again.

read the first part: let you treat me like that

other drabbles in the series: girl you got me || are you gonna keep her?

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung #jungkook #angst #series: ttno #welp

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

i promised i would never let me hurt anymore

title ; i promised i would never let me hurt anymore for you to be you to me, feels new to me

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from alessia cara’s “i’m yours”

word count ; 2.4k

tags ; nothing really, just sweetheart tae, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

kissing taehyung should have been a mistake. you should apologize for it because you know you haven’t cleanly cut off your feelings for jungkook just yet, and it feels incredibly selfish of you to kiss taehyung when you’re aware of this.

it doesn’t stop the giddy feeling in your chest every time you think about it, though.

your mind replays it on a loop. the soft press of his lips against yours, the way he waited for your go-ahead, even when you could tell how badly he wanted it - how badly he’s been wanting it, for so long. your lips still tingle from the memory, cheeks heating when you recall the way he’d pulled you to him at that party, how slowly he went just for you, knowing you were new to all of this. he didn’t push you for anything you weren’t - couldn’t - give. just looked at you with that grin that had somehow become such a familiar thing to you.

it’s butterflies, that flutter around your stomach when you think of him. you can recognize it now. you’re not sure when exactly fear gave way to hope, but you do know it has everything to do with taehyung. there’s no use in ignoring the flutters anymore, the way you look forward to seeing him, the way you search for his fluffy head of hair in every crowd. he’s warmth and silly playfulness and sweet words and real promises cradling your heart, finding a way to sneak past all your defenses to settle in and make a home out of you.

but you know. you know that you can’t start anything genuine with taehyung until you properly close the chapter on your feelings for jungkook. and that means tying up all your loose ends - doing the very thing you’ve been avoiding since you were fourteen.

“so…”

the girls lift their heads up from whatever each of them were doing. the five of you - yerin, jihyo, sana, jeongyeon, and yourself - had a rare day where all your schedules aligned, choosing to rest comfortably in sana and jeongyeon’s shared dorm room. they all put their attention on you, as you lay with your hands on your stomach, staring at the ceiling, twiddling your thumbs.

“um, taehyung and i kissed.”

there’s silence for a moment. the kind of silence that is both so loud and so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

then it descends into absolute chaos.

“WHAT?”

“WHEN?”

“OH MY GOD?”

“if you’re joking, bitch, i swear to god-”

the girls hop up from whatever position they were in throughout the room - off chairs and beds to surround you on the floor, jeongyeon excitedly hitting you with a pillow while you half-laugh, half-shriek at the assault, too breathless to even explain from the way they pester you. when all of them have calmed down a little and you can breathe again, now sitting cross-legged with the rest of them, you tell them about it.

you tell them about the party taehyung had (yet again) managed to convince you to go to, but neither of you even mingled, hardly speaking to other people, instead sticking close to each other. you tell them how taehyung twirled you in circles on the dance floor, how stupidly happy it made you for no reason at all, laughing as he danced with you. how taehyung didn’t even drink this time, drunk only on the loud music and buzzing energy, as you somehow found yourself pressed against the wall as he asked for your permission to kiss you. and how you caved, because it’s taehyung.

“i think…” somehow it’s less scary to say it out loud in front of your friends than it is to taehyung. it feels safer. “i think i actually like him.”

it sets off another round of squeals and laughter, and you have to catch your breath. “wait, wait. no, wait,” you laugh. “wait, i have something important to say, stop making me laugh.”

there’s snickers and chuckles but they quiet obediently.

“taehyung’s…” you mull over it, trying to settle on the right word. “he’s different. he’s just…” you hesitate. “he’s so different from jungkook, that’s kind of the only way i know how to say it. i mean that’s all i have as a reference, but it’s - it’s like it’s not even comparable. you know?”

you don’t know why you feel tears welling in your eyes, but you blink them back down. jeongyeon rubs your arm comfortingly, encouraging you to continue.

“but the fact of the matter is that i’ve…” you swallow. you rarely say it out loud, if ever. you know it’s true, can say it to yourself in your head, but you’ve always made a point not to let it escape past your lips, because it leaves a cut in you every time you let your mouth form the words. “i’ve been in love with jungkook for so long.”

you stare down at your lap, fingers from one hand pulling at the other. your nervous habit. “i think i need to tell him,” your voice shakes but you push forward. “jungkook, i mean. i think i’ve always known it but it was just so scary to think about. i was just so afraid of losing him if he found out how i felt. but i have to,” you lift your eyes. “i have to tell him everything, eventually.”

“it’s closure,” jihyo affirms. one corner of her lips rises upwards. “i think it would be good for you, y/n.”

sana wraps you in a hug when you tremble a little, pulling you close to her. “we’re proud of you, y/n. i’m so glad you found taehyung, that you found someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

you smile weakly. your heart still hurts when you think of jungkook. the thought of telling him you love him - that you’re in love with him, because you are, you still are, even if you’re slowly letting yourself open up to taehyung - all of it is terrifying. falling out of love with jungkook is one thing, but the thought that this could irreversibly change your friendship - possibly even shatter it - scares you on a level you don’t think you’re capable of voicing aloud. it’s not something you know how to explain.

but you take a breath, and promise yourself. this time you won’t run away. you won’t lie to yourself, can’t let your feelings quietly fade into the background anymore. you need to tell jungkook. no matter what it costs you. and -

“i think i need to talk to tae, too,” you glance up when you feel yerin gently take one of your hands, keeping you from digging your nails into your skin. yerin holds one hand while jihyo holds another, grounding you. you smile at them. “i think he deserves to know that i’m not ready yet. i still need to get over jungkook. and maybe if i’m lucky, he’ll wait for me, but… he has the right to know where i’m really at.”

“that’s fair, y/n,” jihyo says gently. “we’ll be here for whatever happens, whether it’s jungkook or taehyung or anything. you know that right?”

you smile. your feelings are a complication you’ve avoided for years, burying them in an attempt to be strong, stand tall. but when your friends pile you into a hug, a few tears slipping out (which makes sana bawl even when she’s punching you in the shoulder and telling you taehyung better wait for you or she’ll have some choice words for him) and you feel like your world is settling in place for you, balancing on an axis that feels manageable. no longer constantly tilted with you struggling to keep everything from slipping away.

all of the conversations you need to have are scary. unpredictable. but whatever the case, you know you can at least come home to your friends.

taehyung waves at you with eyes so bright you almost turn around and go right back out the door of the boba shop. your heart is racing in your chest just thinking of him, but when he looks at you like that, all your thoughts fly right out of your head.

you make your way to him, wincing at the loud screech the chair makes when you pull it out to sit down. taehyung slides a cup to you, having already ordered. “boba for the princess,” he beams.

“what happened to sailor?” you quip back, wrapping your hands around the cup in case he plans on stealing it back. taehyung paid for it but he also handed it to you, so it’s yours now. no take backs.

he smirks, noticing the protective way you pull the cup towards you. “it’s yours, whether or not you let me call you princess,” he reassures teasingly, and you bite the straw to avoid responding. he chuckles. “no particular reason for this one, though,” he runs his eyes over your features adoringly. “just like calling you princess. think it’s fitting, since you’re so pretty. don’t you?”

taehyung’s always been a little flirty, but ever since he kissed you, he’s cranked it up to a hundred. the messages in your phone that left you flustered and (not that you’d ever admit it) giggly are written evidence of that.

“shut up,” you mutter, snagging his drink from him and taking a sip. it’s taro flavored, today. taehyung always rotates through different drinks. taehyung’s lips press together in amusement at your petulance.

“you said you wanted to talk?” he asks, and you’re afraid to look up, look into eyes that you know have their full concentration on you, soft and patient, always, for you. you pretend to take your time sipping your drink, teeth sinking into tapioca. you can tell he senses the change, but he doesn’t say anything, letting you take your time.

with a breath, you force yourself to look up. as expected, taehyung’s blinks back at you, head tilted charmingly with a soft smile. your heart aches for how handsome he is.

you open your mouth to speak but nothing seems to come out. you huff, frustrated with yourself. “i’m sorry,” you mutter, ducking your head. “this is really hard for me.”

taehyung reaches for you, fingers brushing against your cheek. he touches you so carefully, hand moving slowly to tuck your hair behind your ear. despite the way he touches you, still, he says, “then say it to me like i’m any other friend.”

“but you’re not,” the words spill out by accident, but they propel you forward. “you’re not like any other friend, tae.”

one hand comes up to grasp his before he can pull away properly. “friends don’t do this,” you’re finally able to meet his eyes. “i wanted to believe they do because that’s how jungkook has always treated me but if i’m being honest it’s a part of how i ended up falling for him. because friends don’t touch each other like this. don’t look at each other the way you’re looking at me right now. isn’t everything we’ve done, everything you’re doing right now, isn’t all of that a testament to how friends don’t - don’t do shit like this?”

you don’t feel like you speak with any sort of grace. it’s a little more like desperation, frustration. you don’t want to treat taehyung like friends because he’s not. he’s more. you’re tired of pretending that being treated the way jungkook treated you, the way taehyung treats you, that it’s friendship. it’s not.

taehyung looks surprised but also a little flattered, which confuses you. “you’re saying we’re more than friends?”

“taehyung!” you scold, because he’s grinning from ear to ear, clearly pleased. you stutter nonsense before managing to say, “we kissed, taehyung, for god’s sake-”

he laughs wholeheartedly, shifting his hand to tangle properly with yours. “sorry, i’m sorry,” he bites his lip. “i’m just teasing. i’m sorry. it just makes me happy when you say it out loud.” he squeezes your hand. “i just wanted you to relax. we can be more than friends and still be friends, like we always are, sailor.”

you purse your lips, but you know he’s right, and whatever he did, it worked, because you do feel more relaxed. taehyung always makes it easy for you to be around him.

“tell me what you wanted to say,” he encourages, lowering your hands to rest on the table, though still held together.

your shoulders lower. you take a steady breath. “i wanted to say… well, i guess it’s more of a request,” you bite your cheek. “you know how i feel about jungkook.”

he nods.

“i want… to move on.”

something in taehyung’s expression flickers. it makes you braver. “so i’m… going to confess. to him, i mean. because i don’t think that i can move on if i don’t at least tell him once.”

subconsciously, your hand grips taehyung’s tighter. “so if you could just give me some time…”

“as much as you need.”

the promise comes quickly and easily from taehyung, and you swallow hard. he’s serious, lips set firmly together, but when he sees your nerves he smiles at you. “anything you need, princess.”

you try to laugh but it comes out more like a relieved sigh. “you know that it’s - you’re not -” you’re struggling to find your words. but you need him to know that you’re serious, too. “you’re not a rebound.”

he chuckles. “what was it you said earlier? friends don’t look at each other the way you’re looking at me right now?”

you blush furiously in spite of yourself, moving to yank your hand back but he holds on, even pulling your arm across the table to cradle against his cheek. “you’re more obvious than you think, princess.” it’s hard to look away when he’s looking at you like that. “more sincere than you think, too.”

your heart thrums pleasantly in your chest, a kind of race that you never thought could feel the way that it does, a mixture of excitement and mellow contentment. you know taehyung’s too good for you, yet somehow, he’s never made you feel like you weren’t good enough for him.

it leaves you with a determination that you’ve never felt before, to for once put jungkook firmly in your past, so you can finally look at taehyung and say it aloud, without trembling, and watch those coffee brown eyes illuminate with happiness.

i like you.

other drabbles in the series: can’t call you mine || let me love you

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung #kim taehyung #series: ttno #fluff #does this count as fluff? i think so? LOL

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

pull me close

title ; pull me close been with you for hours, but it feels like seconds

notes ;

just a cute lil epilogue i spun up for till the night is over :)

i’ve also posted an author’s afterword here!

title is from gryffin & illenium (ft. daya)’s “feel good”

word count ; 882

tags ; fluff, taehyung is a sweetheart, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

you planned it for weeks. sure, maybe some of it was procrastination by form of sheer nervousness at the possibility he might say no. which is why you planned and re-planned and re-planned again to make sure the day was scheduled perfectly, checking the weather obsessively in the days leading up to it. and sure, maybe you were being entirely unreasonable - because why would taehyung say no?

taehyung had stood patiently by your side through the aftermath of loving and letting go of jungkook. he let you take your time to heal, to cry; he held you close and promised you you weren’t to blame even when you knew from the bottom of your heart that the way you and jungkook fell apart had to be at least a little bit your fault.

but whenever he laced his fingers with yours and smiled, made you forget, you always believed him a little bit more than you believed yourself.

over time, the tumultuous feelings towards jungkook had faded. became background noise. taehyung drew to the forefront, and you knew he was just waiting on you. patient as ever, waiting for you to say you were ready. and while the two of you had never made it official all this time, you knew he was yours, and you were his. he held your hand, he picked you up from class, he bought you lunch no matter how much you protested. he did everything he could to make you feel wanted. loved, even.

so why the fuck is he saying no?

well, back up.

you spent the whole day together. dropped by his place in an outfit so cute even you were proud of it (thank you, sana), more so when taehyung seemed to malfunction a little at the sight of you in a sundress. he put himself back together quick enough, clearing his throat and reaching for your hand. “you look cute,” he’d beamed, and you did an excellent job not snorting at the way he forcibly had to drag his eyes back up from your legs to your face.

what a gentleman.

regardless - you dragged him from place to place, letting him talk your ear off when you’d wandered through an art museum. his excitement was palpable and your heart warmed from it, a shy smile on your face when he refused to let your hand go, keeping your fingers intertwined.

admittedly, it didn’t all go as planned. but it didn’t matter - taehyung made you laugh through all of it, swinging your arms as you walked by the waterside. you felt warm inside and out, and between the light breeze and the picturesque skyline, you gently tugged on taehyung’s hand, forcing him to face you.

taehyung is handsome. you’ve always known this. but in the golden light of sunset, he made your breath catch, and your heart raced at the charming curve of his lips as he smiled back at you.

there’s little hesitation, when you ask, “will you go out with me?”

the grin that spreads across his face is instantaneous. it’s so wide, stretching from cheek to cheek, eyes lit up so brightly. his hand grips yours tighter, and your eyes gleam back at him with hope.

and then his grin falls off his face, and he takes your heart with it.

no. his answer is no. it has to be, that’s the only explanation for the way his smile disappeared. did you wait too long? you’ve never done something like this before. was it not enough? does he only want to be friends now? but he’s cuddled with you and he’s holding your hand and he was smiling -

“this isn’t right,” taehyung frowns. “i’m supposed to ask you out.”

you blink.

then you smack him in the chest, hard, expression flat for a second, unamused, before your nose scrunches and you pull your hand out of his just to continue giving him light, half-hearted slaps on his chest with both hands while he sputters, chuckling at the angry pinch of your eyebrows. “what the fuck, kim taehyung,” you curse. “you almost gave me a heart attack. what century do you think we live in? a girl can’t ask a guy out?”

“it’s not about that,” he huffs, grabbing your wrists to stop you from hitting him. there’s a bashful smile on his face that makes you lose concentration. “i just… wanna romance you. you deserve that much.”

he sounds so sincere, you can’t stop the blush from rising to your cheeks. you stare back at him, flustered by his confidence, how 100% sure he is that he wants you to be romanced, wined and dined, whatever it takes. to do all the things that nobody else has ever done for you before.

but he can also see the faintest disappointment you’re hiding under the mock irritation you use to cover-up your embarrassment, and while you’re trying to turn away and mutter out a response, he pulls you in close with an arm secure around your waist. he relishes in the pink on your cheeks, the way your hands curl up against his chest. “don’t worry, princess,” he reassures. he dips down to brush his nose against yours affectionately. “i won’t take too long.”

(it’s a promise - and he keeps it.)

other drabbles in the series ; (don’t) stay || i love you

series masterlist ; till the night is over

author’s afterword ; read here

taglist ; @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo @notvantaes

#taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x yn #taehyung x y/n #taehyung #taehyung fluff #fluff #series: ttno

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pantoneyoongi · 2 years

Text

cross the line

title ; cross the line ‘cause i’m so into you

notes ;

part of the till the night is over drabble series. drabbles are not released in chronological order, but the masterlist is set up as chronologically as possible. :)

title is from ariana grande’s “into you”

word count ; 2k

tags ; college parties, taehyung!! kim taehyung!!!!!, pls go to masterlist for more / general tags

[09:44pm] candy dealer tae: u up

[09:46pm] sailor y/n: kim taehyung. is this a booty call?

[09:46pm] sailor y/n: also it’s not even 10, who the fuck goes to sleep this early

[09:48pm] candy dealer tae: door open pls

you frown at your phone. what? but you’re already obediently up on your feet, thumbing back a response with one hand while opening the door with another, the hand holding your phone stilling when you see taehyung’s tall frame in your doorway.

“what the fuck-”

“curse later, help now please,” taehyung says, trying to shove his phone into his pocket one handed. his other hand is precariously balancing a tray of boba (where did he even get that at this hour?) while simultaneously grasping the handles of a plastic bag, undoubtedly loaded with snacks. you quickly tuck your phone into the waistband of your pajamas, reaching out to grab the tray of drinks and ushering taehyung inside.

“what are you doing here?” you ask, while taehyung unceremoniously dumps the bag onto your kitchen counter. you set the drinks down beside him as he leans his hip against the counter to face you, a sheepish smile forming on his face.

“it felt like you’ve been having a bad couple of weeks. or months. actually you’ve been having a rough go of it since i met you-”

“taehyung.”

he stops, giving you a grin in the form of just flashing his teeth quickly. “sorry. what i mean is, i just wanted to surprise you.”

you blink a couple times. “at my apartment?”

he blinks back.

you pull your phone out of your waistband. “at 9:54pm?”

he looks at you. then at the bag on the counter. then back at you. “it… wasn’t planned well.”

you try not to smile. “was it planned at all?”

his tongue prods the inside of his cheek. “no,” he admits, and you don’t miss the way the tips of his ears turn red. but then he leans down a little to meet your height. “is it too much if i say i just wanted to come see you?”

you freeze, cheeks suddenly hot. he chuckles, turning back to face the counter and rummaging through the bag he’d brought with him to pull out a bag of assorted hi-chew candy and tossing it to you. your hands fumble to catch the bag, but you manage to get ahold of it.

“this is unfair,” you mutter, feet making tiny stomps past taehyung to make your way into your living room. taehyung’s body shifts to watch you go, and you know he has a pleased grin on his face. “you can’t keep getting away with shit just ‘cause you’re pretty - uh - ‘cause you talk pretty.”

“what did i tell you, y/n,” taehyung teases, surprising you when he throws an arm over your shoulder as he comes up behind you. “i like it when you call me pretty boy.”

“can you leave?”

“nope,” he sings cheerfully. he has your cup of boba in his free hand, nudging your arm until you release your grip on the hi-chews. you’d been holding them with both hands like a small child and you quickly move to let go, taking the drink he was offering you, embarrassed. he bites back a smile but leaves your proximity, returning to the kitchen to unpack the rest of the snacks and grab his own drink while you plop down on your couch, throwing the hi-chews onto the table and curling up with your drink.

it’s a sweet sentiment, really, for taehyung to come show up at your place because you’ve been having a hard time lately. it’s something that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed by your traitor of a heart, fluttering inside your chest. a lot of the drama had dwindled down by now, everyone finally back on speaking terms, but you get the feeling taehyung knew you’d run if he pushed too early.

with a content sigh, taehyung flops back on the couch beside you. “i was gonna suggest we watch a movie, but i forgot you don’t have a tv.”

you narrow your eyes at him. “i was joking about the booty call but i can’t believe you actually came over to try and netflix and chill.” you tsk at him, sighing dramatically. “all men do is disappoint.”

you expect him to sputter and protest, maybe even rip open a bag of candy and wave it around as evidence of his innocence. but instead he leans forward to calmly set his drink down on the table before moving back to you, crowding your space. one arm rests on the back of the couch behind you, his other hand using one finger to tip your face towards him. “y/n l/n,” his voice drops a dangerous few octaves and you know he knows exactly what that does to you, because it’s precisely why he does it on purpose all the goddamn time. “why is your mind in the gutter today? is that what you want to do tonight?”

he tilts his head, a smirk that makes you feel vaguely delirious crossing his handsome features. you’re trying to speak but you come up empty, lips parting slightly.

his eyes dip down to look at them; it’s hard not to notice when he’s centimeters away from you. it’s him who freezes then, like he’s suddenly realized what position he’s put the both of you in on your couch, in your apartment, where there’s only two of you, alone.

he clears his throat, slowly dragging his eyes back to yours. “um,” you start to say, but then he flips the switch so quickly you feel like you have whiplash.

“wanna go to a party?”

your response is instinctive. “no.”

he grins.

more shocking than the fact that you actually do go to the party is the fact that you’re having fun at said party. taehyung twirls you in circles until you’re dizzy, laughter spilling out as he tugs you back to him while you’re stumbling about, head spinning a little from the number of times he’s spun you around.

“careful, sailor,” he steadies you. his palms feel warm on your waist, as you regain your footing, hands falling to his shoulders. you’re not looking at him, still trying to refocus your eyes, hands absently sliding down to his chest.

taehyung almost regrets bringing you here. he’d just needed to get out of your apartment, before his heart got ahead of his head while being alone with you. but it seems even in a crowd of people he can’t keep his hands off you, and it doesn’t help that you no longer seem to have any qualms with having your hands on him.

when you look up at him, an easy smile on your face, he swallows hard. a group of drunk frat brothers stumble past and he immediately moves to get you out of the way, using his body as a barricade between you and the mass of people. it leaves the two of you pressed together against a wall, taehyung’s broad shoulders caging you in.

taehyung glances over his shoulder, waiting for them to pass by, giving you time to stare at his profile. your hands are against the wall now, taehyung’s hands still protectively holding your waist.

you’re reminded of the ice skating rink, how close he’d been, just like he is now. but this time, when he looks back at you, coming to the same realization that you did, he doesn’t pull away. he stares at you, one hand coming up to cup your face. his touch is gentle, thumb swiping against your skin lightly. you feel like he’s stolen your lungs away. unfair.

taehyung leans in closer, a breath away from your lips. he looks at you for any indication that you don’t want this, giving you room to back out, to stop him. but you don’t. and you don’t want to. not when he looks at you like this, so full of want and need and care, not when his palm cradles your cheek so carefully, like he’s afraid to make the wrong move.

“may i?” he whispers against your lips, and your heart drums so loudly in your chest, you’re convinced he can hear it over the music.

your fingers curl against the wall behind you. your eyes flicker across his expression - you don’t know what you’re searching for. but all you find is taehyung - deep brown eyes that wait patiently for your go ahead, eyes that tell you it’s okay if you don’t want to, eyes that have always looked at you in a way that no one else has ever looked at you.

“i’ve never kissed anyone before,” you confess, and you can’t help the way your heart speeds up when he breathes out an amused huff.

“i’ll make it worth your while,” he offers, eyes twinkling, and you mimic him, breathless laughter escaping you. you tilt your chin up slightly, eyes falling to his lips, and he presses in even closer.

“y/n,” he murmurs. he’s still waiting for your permission.

“please,” you whisper back.

then his lips are on yours, pressed firm and soft all at once, wanting and sweet and full of everything taehyung is careful not to say to you even when you can feel it in everything he does for you, around you, with you. one hand cups your chin while the other tugs you in as close as he can get you. he’s gentle with you, but you can feel how badly he wants you, how badly he’s wanted this, and your hands reach up instinctively to wrap around his neck, fingers threading through his hair.

you don’t know what kissing someone else is like. but kissing taehyung feels like soaring, floating amongst clouds. kissing taehyung drowns out all of the music from the party, all the laughter and noise until it’s just taehyung taehyung taehyung and you can’t help but sigh, melting against him.

when he pulls away, he looks a little dazed. your head is spinning just as well, and he gently brushes his thumb against your cheek. “i like you,” he offers weakly, pink tinting his cheeks, and all of it is so absurd that you laugh, throwing your head back. he laughs with you, still pressed close, like he can’t bear to pull away.

“do you now,” you can’t help but tease, and he gives you a wry grin, eyes falling to your lips before looking back into yours.

“very much,” he murmurs, and you smile, hands lightly drifting through his hair, eyes captivated by his.

you don’t say it back - he doesn’t look like he needs it, fondly staring back at you, cocooning the two of you in your own little world, quiet in the midst of all the noise from the party. you feel safe here, wrapped up in taehyung, who has no expectations from you, just a sincere, quiet affection.

when your eyes fall to his lips again without even realizing, taehyung has to bite back a groan. instead he tips his head towards you again, capturing your lips once more. you squeak a little in surprise and you both laugh into it, but then he’s kissing you well and hard again, sighing against you.

taehyung relishes in the feeling, his grip on your waist tightening ever so slightly. he can’t fucking think straight around you, much less when you’re kissing him like this.

you won’t say it, he knows. you won’t admit to liking him back, heart too guarded and weary from all the times jungkook has hurt you. but taehyung can wait. taehyung can wait until you trust him with your heart, until you can whisper the words back and not feel scared. not feel like someone is going to rip it all away from you.

when you pull away for air, you rest your head against his chest, arms still encircled around him. taehyung feels warm, stable, his palms a comforting weight on your waist. “taehyung,” you mumble against him, and feel more than hear the hum he responds with.

i think i like you.

when the words get caught in your throat, taehyung pulls you closer to him, brushing his lips against the top of your head. “i know,” he whispers, and you smile against his chest.

i think i really like you.

other drabbles in the series: girl you got me || slow motion

series masterlist: till the night is over

taglist: @mwitsmejk @doublejeon @landl7xoxo

#taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung #kim taehyung #series: ttno #fluff

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