#see i feel like outside of rose there wasnt like
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thinking up some alternate designs for the gangs alchemized outfits
#homestuck#beta kids#jade harley#dave strider#rose lalonde#john egbert#see i feel like outside of rose there wasnt like#a DEFINED aesthetic with them#like it was fancy dress fancy suit ya know?#so i basically added themes to each#winter themed harley blue dress#punkified suit for dave#just kinda further gothed up roses fit#and then made a sort of magician suit vibe for egbert#this was super fun!!#my art
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hii this is like my first time here requesting,,
aaaaa your writing is so cool i love it smm,,
prompt 13 angst, for fyodor?
i think it fits him really well,, and i haven't read angst for so long...
"Maybe...maybe in another life, another time"
Prompt 13
Sypnosis: Your like an angel incarnate to him but even so, you`re a pawn to the outside and will be.
Fyodor x reader
Genre: angst
Warnings: lots of sad stuff :(, no comfort
A/N: Aaaah finally first time writing for Fyodor! I hope you enjoy this anonie!! because its full of angst. YUMMY ANGST.
Etheral-
Txmy ♥︎
⇄ ◁◁ 𝚰𝚰 ▷▷ ↻
⁰⁰'²⁵ ━━●━━───── ⁰²'⁰⁸
No matter how strong a pawn is,,, a pawn is a pawn for bigger plans then why does he feel like this? He wonders.
You had joined the decay of angels out of desperation. Nothing in your life was not really interesting anyways.
After Fyodor found out about your mere existence he was intrigued.
A human being this beautiful having such a dead and poor soul? What a wonderful day to be a saviour! He convinced himself that its just mere interest. At that time.
You were also pique by this mans goals and likings if anything you realized that he and you had alot in common.
He did not let his other subcordinates listen to his cello playing but he did to you, and only you. He did not lay his head on his other subcordinates but he layed on yours, He did not share his past experiences with his other subcordinates but he shared them to you, Only to you and no one else....Perhaps it was just an illusion to weaken his strength.
Fyodor saw all of the population as mere foolish human beings nothing else but you were an exception to his complex qualifiction
You liked his hair which reminded you of the feathers of a raven, sleek and violaceus, his bright eyes like comparable to a pair of plums, fresh from heaven.
Sure, he wasnt the best in person but you admired him, quite alot but somehow you felt sympathy for him.
Everyone else would look at his direction and cover away, scared and terrified but somehow because of your naivety you felt something for him. You cant tell whether its from your heart or mind but something similar to pity.
But now things are different...why do you still have that aching feeling in your chest?
"Fyodor, Fyodor dont cry" drip drip...
You are a mere pawn, nothing else but was that true?
The terrace you stood on had white lilies here and there looking as pretty as a ocean of pearls.
There was barely a trace of emotion in your face as you kept staring at the sun almost setting so the night scenery can introduce itself.
Too bad you wont be able to see tonight.
Quiet footsteps could be heard, quiet like a mouse towards your figure. You realised it was fyodor, ah yes the same smell of lilac and evil.
"Are you ready, dusha moya?" the voice asks, tone as careful and delicate as glass. Like the glass covering the greenhouse from above.
"This garden is quiet the exiquitive one with its prickly rose vines sheltering the top." Fyodor states to calm down the atmosphere in this plot of flowers.
"I wonder if they ever get tired of protecting the glass garden" you spit out, with no expression in your voice and your back turned against fyodor who only walked loser to you.
Your head turned around with a blank expression on your face.
"Strange girl....."
"Well, zayka its time to bid farewell even the sun is setting a goodbye" Fyodor finally revealed the words out with a smile in his face, the smile you will never be able to see again.
You picked up a white lily in your warm hands and gracefully slid it behind your hair tucking a strand of hair and finally turned around to face him, this time with a smile on your face which makes the mans eyes widen for a second.
"You're right, Lets go." you calmly voice out with a somewhat soft expression on your face as you walk towards him on the clean grass.
At that time you couldnt make out fyodors expression, whether he was sad or happy or just emotionless.
He reaches out to you with his hand asking you to put yours over his.
"It was nice knowing you, Fyodor. It really was but i guess this is our goodbye. But you know... Even though i shouldnt say this since i am but a sinner i really love you, I really do."
Your pretty lips mouth out these shattering words to him though i doubt he would feel anything anyways either way he wont be able to feel the warmth of your hands ever again nor the care of your words asking him if slept or eaten anything.
As Fyodors ability activates the life in your eyes slowly wilt away like a lily symbolizing peace.
"Maybe,,,maybe in another life, another time"
It was almost time that you died and met your punishment so with every emotion and strength you have you said out your last words as your head gently falls to his side with your lashes flattered close.
Fyodor did not smile at that.
He simple carried your corpse in bridal style with your white sleeved arms dangling down and gently placed your body on a huge pile of white lilies.
The view was beautiful indeed with the lilies hiding aspects of your now run cold body making you look etheral finally at peace.
"Fear not myshka, i will soon join you in hell too." with that the terrace was locked. Locked from dangers, threats and any bad omen.
"Farewell, Fyodor I hope you enjoyed the part you played these past 3 years"
A/N Fun Fact Fiction time!: The rose vines sheltering the glass of the green house in a symbolization to fyodors heart. The white lilies symbolize grief so he locks away any trace of emotion. By this reader puts one of the lily in their hair and asks metaphorically if fyodor ever get tired of protecting his emotions in order to achieve his goal! Also reader worked with fyodor for 3 years and an average white lily lives up to 3-5 years :)
#sakira!#valentines sweetheart event#valentines angst#fyodor dostoevsky#fyodor angst#fyodor x reader#fedya#fyodor bsd#fyodor x you angst#bsd x reader#sakiras writing notebook!!!
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ILW // Here they are! All 7 different end cards you can get in the many many more variations of the niche endings available in the game.
Google Drive Link to the cgs here
I am beyond honored to have been allowed to leave my own mark in the game like this, and honestly never in a million years expected to actually become involved with the game.
Everyone is fine to use these as phone backgrounds but if you do youre legally required to tell me which one is your favorite.
Putting it under the cut for length, but here's a breakdown of each card;
Starting with the Evil!MC end cards, that are lovingly dubbed Judas' Kiss if you stayed with Matty, or Scorched Earth for MC's solo end.
The images really mostly speaks for themselves; the flaming heart, hand in atrocious hand if you chose to share the power with Matthias, but then when you put it next to the solo end is where it got fun for me. The heart is broken, its just you now, but the glowing eyes are smiling. My first time testing the judas kiss route I did not hestiate for a second to hit "kill him"
Next is the death card
I really liked the idea of (if your mc wasnt a huge dick anyway) that they give you a grave outside the cave, something for people to leave Rowan flowers and gifts. A classic grave didnt quite feel like it fit so I settled on a cairn. It felt very fitting with the Power being a respect for nature and such. I set it to be at night, with moonlight streaming down on the grave to give it a melancholic sort of feeling, with the sun charm sunny gives you strung off it, and then placed flowers at the grave to kinda show that people have come by because they care about Rowan. Meanings for the flowers are below and while not canon, I like to think each of the LI's left behind one of them; red roses from Abel, blue violets from Amalia, sunflowers from Lincoln and the marigolds from Joss, though really they were all chosen more generally.
Onto the blood end card! Which I named New Horizons, and not because of animal crossing. A winding road in the mountains at sunset; the road has been long, it has been hard and now youre choosing to move on. Symbolically what i wanted this card to be is that feeling of leaving everything behind. The sun is setting on your old life as you go to embrace the normal life that Blood MC wants so much. Youre on the top road moving around the bend, not sure where life will take you but that's alright, you have the rest of your life to look forward to figure out where you'll go.
Onto my own canon end; the Mixed end!
Lovingly called "Best of Both Worlds" because mixed rowan is playing that hannah montanna life. More seriously; this card in contrast to the blood end is not about leaving everything behind, but embracing what you are. The card itself is set at dawn to contrast this; soft yellows and pinks, morning dew and fog clinging to the forest floor with a streak of Power playfully dancing among the trees. Its the dawn of a new day, seeing everything in new light after the darkness of the past weeks/years rowan spent trying to understand themselves. It's my personal favorite end even if my mc and Linc gotta do long distance for a while. But to me its about accepting yourself; moving on from the grief of losing your family without alienating yourself from your memories of them and embracing that Power side of yourself without being changed by it. The life you built after being ressurected is your own and no one can take that from you.
Next up my almost canon end, that does live rent free in my mind because I love angst.
Closed gate shadow end, Far, Far away (yes this is a shrek/starwars/nerd refrence); its a fairly straight forward card, thought it does have one of my personal favorite little details. This is the second draft I made of it after this scene from Lincoln's shadow goodbye stuck with me; looking up through the trees at the night sky.
I really wanted to hide an eye shaped constellation in the stars but couldnt make it look good sadly :sob: But my favorite little detail are the fireflies and how some of them are cyan; touched by the power Rowan is now again a part of. Not canon, but I like to think these little cyan fireflies come to sit on the LI's heads next they wander too close to the woods (Fireflies by Owl City starts playing).
Shadow end is just. Its so beautiful really. From sharing your experiences with the wisps, how Rowan's wisp has been changed by their time as a person, how despite their grief they are not sad or unhappy, melancholic yes but this is where you want to be. Its a cosmic love, the joy of having lived, coming inside on a cold winter day to find your home warm and inviting, your family waiting for you to tell them about your day. The card itself is a little whimsical, hopeful despite the closed gate that the power will forever be part of the world, even if its been cut off. And this brings us to the other shadow ending card; the flower
Eternal Bloom, a ghostly hand reaching out to hand this flower over to the world, a final gift, a final goodbye. Maybe a promise of "I'll see you soon" but first and foremost, it is a promise of love.
Thats right babes. Its all about Love. Unfading Love.
symbolically there isnt anything hidden in the card, but thats also in part of it at face value telling you all you need to know; its about love! its a gift, for you, to remember me by. You have not forgotten me, and even changed as I am, I have not forgotten you. Rowan's change in personality after merging shadow was sooooo heart breaking tbh but ITS SO GOOD. You found joy in what you were, but its time to come home, take off your coat, hang it up, take off your shoes.
And it is all about love! All these cards (well, not all of them) were for me made from the heart, trying to keep in line for the different themes each end resolves to give the players something to remember each route by.
To anyone that made it this far, let me know which one is your canon card/which card you like best! And im kissing you on the lips I love rambling about my thoughts and if you got to here then you deserve a reward. So.
#ilw#it lives within#it lives within spoilers#art#but seriously i will forever remember these last 4 months#it was soooo much fun seeing my name in the credits#also fun fact! I made male harper's outfit!!!#and reb picked it but i also did the colors for female harpers#we wanted them to match#and i liked the red bc it reminds me of their power fit
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I got the second Elle(s) book today and ofc read it soon as I could
Some thoughts:
- this book focuses more heavily on the inner world exploration, and I found the art to be even more dynamic and lovely in this one
- Blue takes over the host position from the previous book, because of the loss of her aunt and shocking revelation that Elle was adopted as a baby. The whole book is about rose Elle finding her way out of the inner world and back to taking control of her life
- we get a little bit more development on the other parts of Elle, since Rose interacts with them as she’s going through each of the inner worlds. But there’s not a lot there, if I’m honest? They all act like strangers that happen to be dragged into the story rather than parts of your very self who’ve always had a sense of being at least connected to you in some way. Especially since its implied that Elle has ‘had problems with this before’, and she purposefully made these inner worlds for each of them, we as the reader are left confused to how much they actually know eachother.. theres just not much there
- and as for Blue, the one part who’s been looming over both this book and the last, we don’t know much about her either, aside from being manipulative and stealing money and clout off her friends. If she’s supposed to be a persecutor part, she has no obvious drive outside just ~being evil~. (To quote my very own blue-colored persecutory part; “What a lazy bitch”)
- this.. ending..?
(The text reads: Wow! Embryos merged? So that means.. I really am six different people! )
Maybe it’s a problem with translation, but the tone of this picture and text really cuts off any of the built up tension thats been riding throughout the book.
- this book never explicitly mentions DID as being a diagnosis, so it’s more of a concept of multiple personalities being used in a different way…
I’m not someone who’s going to speak on what makes ‘enough’ trauma to create DID, because birth complications and adoption are traumatic, and it’s also not something I have experience with. I can’t speak on how this would feel for people who had twins and lost them for it to be portrayed this way, though. In the book, this is clearly stated to be some sort of Special Unreal Circumstance and I found that.. in weird taste..
-it’s not.. DID. I thought the adventuring through the inner worlds would be more about making honest connections and getting to know these parts of her more fully, but Elle’s journey was really just about pulling herself up by the boot straps and switching back out. She doesn’t really have trauma and this book makes it super clear
-I’m disappointed that there wasnt much time spent with brunette Elle because she really seemed to be grieving honestly in the last book, I thought theyd be helping eachother more. But its.. not reallyyy and its shown as growth anyway
-I like the series but I can’t really take it very seriously. It has the vibes of seeing all the major plot points of someone’s OC stuff without all the extra content that fleshes out the characters.
———
I might just be in a mood because I feel very out of place with my own DID at the moment(I’m usually fairly comfortable, but I think I might be having a DPDR episode), but I’ve been sitting on the Elle(s) series for a good few months now, and I don’t really get any deeper connection
I’ll get the next book anyway and see if any of it ties up more neatly. I know its the artists’ first comic I believe, so maybe theres not so much depth becauseeee offff inexperience. Or translation issues because I believe it came out elsewhere first. I dont know!
O well, enjoy my short review
#dissociative identity disorder#did in media#actuallydid#elle(s)#bunnidid reviews#also in a weird place about liking the art and having a really hard time reading it with all the extreme lighting#supposedly she gets streaks of color in her hair for each of the parts she helps but its really not visible throughout any of it#wheres my DID magical girl transformations :( smh have to do everything myself
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I went to an art museum recently and it got me wondering who from the league would go with you
Here are those headcanons
{Twice, Mr.Compress, Toga, Spinner, Shigaraki, Dabi}
This was in my drafts from a year ago. here you go LOL
Mr.Compress
The only one whos willing and excited to go is Mr.Compress. He buys the tickets
He holds your hand
Reads every plaque
Will read them to you if you want
He will take his time admiring the artwork
Really enjoys the sculpture
Its an all day event for you two
Would spend a good time at the rose garden, smelling and observing all the beautiful flowers
Will steal a few of them for you to take home
Dabi
Dabi will not go. At all. Ever.
You could not bribe this man to go
Thinks its the boringest thing on earth
He could care less about art and definitely isnt going to spend all day with you just standing around
He’ll drive you and pick you up
Asks Toga or someone to keep you company
Tomura Shigarak
Shigaraki also wouldn't care
He might tag along just to make sure no one would try to talks to you, and to just be with you
He'll admire the artwork a lil, thinks its nice and can see the work that was put into it
Doesnt care to read about them though
Also doesnt care about the rose garden that isnt even in bloom yet but he rather be outside than in
The silence was so deafening
understimulated to the max!
try to rush you through the rooms
Does not like the marble statues, at all
Himiko Toga
Toga would go with you if you asked
She would try to read about each piece but would get bored quickly
Wouldnt want to stay long
She'd enjoy the marble sculptures
Find them funny and would mock their poses and expressions
The rose garden being her favorite even if it wasnt in bloom
Would steal any roses in bloom
Spinnner
Spinner also would not want to go but he'd go for you
He'd enjoy looking at the artwork
Listens to you talk to your hearts content about artists and their work
I feel like he wouldnt like the marble sculptures, makes him uncomfortable
Probably because the majority are all naked
He doesnt understand why people care so much about flowers but he enjoys how nice the rose garden is and how it would be only you two around
A nice moment to just sit on the benches and relax with each other
also would get very understimulated but wouldnt fuss
Ends up enjoying himself because of you
Jin || Twice
Jin, now Jin would love to go but he hates how quiet it is
He'd be very self conscious about his movements and what he says
But he'd enjoy having your arms linked and being close
You'd read to him about the artist and their artwork
Tell him about the sculptures and what they represent
He'd enjoy his time because he's with you
Also likes being outside more in the rose garden
He likes flowers
Likes the pretty roses and will pick one to put in your hair
and kiss you or something sweet
actually enjoys the art, will stare and admire the pieces
#rott.headcanons#rott.writes#mha imagines#mha x reader#shigaraki tomura#bnha x gender neutral reader#shigaraki x reader#twice x reader#bnha imagines#jin bubaigawara x reader#spinner x reader#mr. compress#mr.compress x reader#toga himiko#toga x reader#dabi x reader
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Mob Psycho 100 for fandom! And Amy from Sonic for character~
omg hello thank u niru c:
obligatory link back to the original ask game
Mob Psycho 100
sorry that alot of these repeat and probably arent like insane thoughts, i was only big into mp100 when i was like 16 and finished the anime like a year ago 😭
Favorite character: Serizawa c: hes a 6w5 so legally i must enjoy him but also i just like him ... he has curly hair and is cool OH AND TOME !!!! shes fun :) i dont fully remember my interesting thoughts on her but i enjoy her and how she works for reigen post canon. i think her weird girl charms get to me
Least Favorite character: uhhhh probably mogami or shous dad... theyre both just annoying like whateverrr stop being a dumb adult stop beefing with 15 year olds losers...
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 1.... serirei?? is that the ship name. serizawa and reigen. basically canon ? 2. mobteru again basically canon 3. . um . theres not much ships i really have with this show so idk if i can do 5 but i can at least do three bc i think tome and mezato is cute :) i briefly became obsessed w them for a bit after season 2 .... i think the ship of the two claw guys . the like sword one and the other guy is pretty cool...
Character I find most attractive: serizawa. who would have guessed.
Character I would marry: nobody everyone here has many red flags also theyre 90% children
Character I would be best friends with: if i was a teenager there is a non zero chance i genuinely would be besties with tome but also maybe slightly find her annoying. but also maybe i would become besties with mob. in normal life none of them bc i would never talk to children or the adults in the show
A random thought: i think reigen is one of the last tumblr sexymen before that term really became used as meaning: character im sick of seeing so much of... but also i could be wrong. also can everyone stop drawing serizawa with straight hair ... i know they do in the manga/anime but if he had curly hair before they cut and washed him then it wouldnt go away. thats not how hair works and i should know as ive lived with it for like years.
An unpopular opinion: mogami arc wasnt that good, stop using it as an excuse to be weird abt child characters plsss
My canon OTP: nothing is canon :/ so
Non-canon OTP: serirei as i said above ☝
Most badass character: mob :] hes cool and awesom... but also i do think
Pairing I am not a fan of: idk if its bc i dont remember much but i cant see shou and ritsu as much more than besties but also obvs im not at all a fan of the . weirdly large amount of reigen and mob stuff like whats wrong with you all im killing you . i also just dont care too too much about ships between teenage characters so many of the ships in the fandom are like yea thats alright, also can see them as just besties, u kno?
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): i didnt realize how little there was of serizawa in the manga or the anime .. i feel like he had more when i first read it ???? anyway he should be there more .
Favourite friendship: i think mob and reigen are fun as friends :) especially as they grow older, i think the dynamic would be fun. also teru and ritsu are fun when theyre together. worlds most dramatic 12 year olds.
amy will b under the cut
amy rose :)
How I feel about this character: I like her !!! i feel like shes not talked about much outside of ships which is a shame because i feel like if people came together on her character (this includes people writing canon) then there could be a compelling character here that wouldnt deny her roots or just stay the same sort of trope she used to be. I cant deny i do enjoy that they occassionally dip into her little interest in tarot :) its nice to see that trait remembered.
All the people I ship romantically with this character: sonic of course, shadow, blaze a bit?, metal sonic anddd... yea thats it
My non-romantic OTP for this character: i think her with silver or knuckles is always fun :) idk why i think its because they bounce off of each other well. equal levels of no braincells happening here at least with silver. and with knuckles i feel like they could have a fun brother sister dynamic.
My unpopular opinion about this character: what is the popular opinion on her .... idk ill just use this as more of me talking about her character in general. i wish people would use her abandonment issues more, or at least like integrate that into her character since i think its a trait that shows up a bit in the little visual novel and in sonic frontiers and i think that makes sense as a trait for her
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: if she was ever playable again . I HAVENT played the sonic frontiers dlc but i think giving her a little spin off game ala the princess peach games would be fun. maybe then her team from sonic heros can be used again and i could like care about big and cream outside of them being sparingly used in canon .. and big not just being a joke ... also i just want more development for herrr im always begging for development or character in this series i know its for children but plsss also i wish they would like actually like .. fully deal with her whole thing with sonic... it feels like they wanna pretend her obsession just never happened and wasnt like the main thing with her character before they basically turned her into sally acorn.
My OTP: honestly ive really come around on amy x metal sonic :) i think mainly bc i cant see her with sonic at all (<- sonadow truther) and also i think it could be interesting if i thought about it more deeply
My OT3: amy x sonic x blaze i know i just said i cant see her with sonic but this is the exception, if i had to have an ot3 it would be this .. otherwise idk if i would have one.
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She kept it well hidden, but Ruby was also a fan of Maria. Ruby shyly asks her to sign her Crescent Rose.
(This was a fun one to write)
Ruby practically dropped onto her chair as food was brought to her from the Atlas mess hall. The missions were almost nonstop ever since she made it to Atlas. If it wasnt grimm running around the streets, it was convoys that needed escort in case of grimm attack, or if she was unlucky, assistance with making sure Atlas communication towers were still up and repaired outside the kingdom walls. There was little rest she could get between these missions, and as much as she’d rather relax alone, she felt more at ease around her teammates and Maria.
Maria, the Grimm Reaper. A small blush crossed Ruby’s cheeks as she remembered the crush she had on the Grimm Reaper from the stories that Qrow had told her. The way she idolized her, wanting to use a scythe because of her, and to try to match Qrow while training. She had always thought that figure in the stories was always just a legend, a story that Qrow had read back when he was at Beacon, and yet, here she was, in the flesh and not too far away from her. Silver eyes that were lost to a battle in her youth, but still able to hold her own no matter what she did.
“Everything okay, Ruby?” Yang asked as she tore into her bread before dipping it into her soup. “You’ve been staring at Maria for a while now.”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Ruby said as she looked away from Maria, her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shook as she slowly ate, tired of holding in how much she wanted to go up to Maria and gush about how much of an idol she was to her. All she wanted to do was let loose and enjoy this one thing… but the burden of fighting Salem, of keeping Remnant safe, kept her still, forcing her to hide away the excitement of being near a childhood hero. “A bit more tired than I thought I’d be. We’ve been going on mission after mission and we’re still no closer to finding a solution to defeat Salem.”
“Is that really all there is to this? Nothing to do with the way you’ve been staring at Maria since we left the farm?”
Ruby coughed as she nearly choked on her food. “I-I havent been staring.”
Yang dipped a piece of crusty bread into her soup and smiled a bit as she pulled it out, shaking it slightly so it would quit dripping. “I know she’s your hero, and you’ve been holding it in ever since we found out.”
“We havent had a chance to really talk.” Ruby watched Yang eat as she picked at her own food. “Besides, I dont want to add me to everything else she’s been dealing with. Between Qrow spending more time around her, learning about Salem and everything else Ozpin has kept a secret, and now with her helping out Pietro… if I go up to her now, it’ll just be an annoyance.”
“Or she’ll be thrilled that one of us has been a huge fan. Think about it this way: she’s older and she’s been out of the spotlight long enough that people think she’s a legend. But to see that she’s had an impact on a younger generation, had an impact on you… I think you’ll be fine if you ask her for an autograph.”
Ruby went quiet as she sat her fork down, staring at her food. She knew Yang was right, it wouldnt be a bother for her to go to Maria and ask for an autograph since they were on good terms currently, and she did see Qrow get one not too long ago as well.
Ruby was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt Yang push her towards Maria. “Yang!”
“You can thank me later,” Yang said with a grin as she motioned to Maria.
Ruby rolled her eyes and sighed as she made her way to Maria, her heart pounding as she finally got to her. Her voice cracked as she spoke, her words feeling like they were forced out of her. “Maria, may… may I ask you something.”
Maria turned to look at Ruby. “Sure. But if it’s about your eyes, there’s not much we can do here.”
“No, its not about those.” Ruby quickly pulled her scythe off her back, shakily holding it. “I-I was actually hoping I could get you to sign Crescent Rose.”
Maria raised a brow as she looked over the folded up scythe. “I thought your uncle was the only fan of mine.”
“It was actually the stories he told of you that got me into huntressing.” Ruby sat her scythe down on the table, a small smile crossing her lips as she continued to speak. “Sure, I wanted to be like my mom, be a hero like her, but… stories about you helped get me interested in fighting the grimm. How you managed to help others that had no one. You were an inspiration to me.”
“Were?” Maria asked curiously.
“W-well, you still are, but I-” Ruby felt the words stop in her throat as she watched Maria, already feeling herself getting stared at for rambling. With a slow breath, she finally continued. “But I know I have to find myself first. Even if I do use others for inspiration.”
“Dont worry, I’ll sign it for you.”
Ruby smiled a bit as she watched Maria sign her name on the hilt of the scythe, trying to hold back her excitement. “Thank you.”
“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Unlike your uncle most days. Just dont forget to remember the accomplishments that you’ve done.”
Ruby smiled a bit as she picked up her scythe once Maria was finished signing, gently running her fingers across the signature. Excitement she hadnt felt since initiation at Beacon ran through her as she tried to keep herself relaxed. “I’ll make sure to remember that.”
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and finished it ,got dat true ending yes
def had a great time on the game 8/10 (but yeah performance def docked some points as well as some writing threads that felt kinda dropped, but am trying to in good faith piece it together in me mind so just gonna ramble spoilers under the cut:
when people said this is what they wanted the original DD to be i can see that but like i feel like the lead up to the game kept hearing people who know more about the originals history talk about how "40-60% of the original vision was cut down" from dd1 and i feel like my brain unfortunately interpreted that as "oh cool so were gonna have 100 new vocations like the monk and 100 monsters and the parallel worlds(technically true☝🏽🤓) and the moon stuff, neat" thats on me lmao
but yeah removing those expectations and seeing it for what it is, its def the spirit of the the first game but its systems deeper and more fleshed out not good at all the techny terms but im not very into or good at action games but this one made me want to be cuz the combat was fun haha
hmm writing wise there was a point where i felt like everything just suddenly got dropped once the godbane stuff started happening and youre suddenly barreling to the ending while everything else just wasnt important anymore lmao, but trying to interpret the story as a story the pathfinder is weaving, i think its meant to feel like that cuz we see the pathfinder essentially write us out of problems, give us a griffin to escape slavery, gives us a clue to where were supposed to go and the big one he like straight up changes ambrosius mind about giving us the godsbane when it wouldnt make sense for him too, the old man by harve even alludes to this by saying the real world is much messier when hes telling you about how fake everything is, like the watcher said everyone there is there to play a part in a tale hes laid out and i think he wanted to get to the ending faster. It's definitely another layer they added from the first games cycle, but do wish if that is what theyre going for(and if im not delusional lmao) that they did more like the ambrosius thing just watching as he ass pulls us out of dead ends making us feel what rothais felt when he realized all his feats and hardships didnt matter, also just would have liked more sidequests with fun characters lmao.
Also did enjoy the endings of the 3 major peoples in the unmoored world and felt like their side quests really fleshed them out and led them there to their endings well,mostly, very cool idea to bring it all together like that.
elves wanted to stay isolated but they needed outside influence to break tradition, to save their tree and how it all built to them agreeing to seek refuge with the other races rather than die with their way of life.
Ironic that disa was half right about sven needing to inherit the throne but ofc she was also half wrong cuz she a tyrant and wants him to have it mainly cuz of blood, but he deserves it cuz his sidequests were about him getting to know the common folk and becoming self assured lmao
battahl tbh full disclosure i messed up the queen nadias sidequest to the rose chateau, tried to scare the dick head shopkeeper into giving me the medicine for the beastren and got arrested so idk how that one ends(will find out in NG+ lmao) but based on the ones i did do, it seems like the nations whole thing was about always being in conflict with each other and how the unmoored quests there are about making people put there differences aside and band together, including the arisen teaming with phaesus. Also like the irony of their view on pawns being right at first but by the end of the game they end up being wrong.
but yeah do feel like they didnt get into that more, along with what the lambent flame is? (googled that there was lore texts you can find that explain how an earlier emperor is deceiving the people about it and what it really does) they also dont go into the fact vermund was a nation of beastren, started by a beastren and then history was wiped?? and how theres vermundians fear of beastren and human children always look like beastren and yet wilhelmina is a direct contradiction of this?? that seemed like a really juicy plot point but they didnt really do anything with it.
and lastly idek where to start with the pawn and arisen ending, found out theres slight differences in the affinity ending (got the high affinity one cuz reds my my gurl i always revive run straight to her to revive her🤗) but watching them talk about how happy they are to have their own will while saying theyd still do anything for you filled me with something, dont even know what but was crazy.
oh also before i forget another way its in the spirit of the first game for me is just like in the original i also forgot to talk to the person i was romancing and giving them flowers before the endings and got diff people appearing there just like my first playthru of the dd1 lmfao( got manela with grigori and sara in the true ending, was going for ulrika this playthru lmfao)
def gonna NG+, maybe do a magic archer and get the stuff i missed and try and get the other endings. Also hoping for another expansion/dlc like they did with dd1 down the line with more vocations and monsters.
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i had a dream I was a vampire being hunted by some girl & her bf back in the 90s. the girl also has a stronger mentor who was trans.
I didn't start out as the mentor - I was a side character? idk the mentor was either rescuing or escorting a trans guy (I think it was the latter) from some underground sewer area to back home. the sewer village was nice though. anyway he had to be escorted because of the vampires. the mentor was strong. I was also there.
anyway we made it home just in time - the vampires were right behind us, but as you know, they can't come inside without invitation. I actually had to kite one on the driveway & reveal my explosion power so I didn't get pinned. anyway with their job done, the mentor waited for them to leave and then went back home.
bit of a shake up here - I was now the vampire from the driveway, and the person I'd been was now the girlfriend. I should stress that there wasn't a character in this dream that was a me expy - the girlfriend was like a tall blond with anime-like proportions, and the vampire was a light haired guy appearing in his late 30's with sliced back hair & like a tan hat & a blue long sleeved button up under a matching tan suit jacket..abd a tie. etc etc. he dressed like one of those people you'd see on stage dancing in a line with a cane & tipping their hat.
anyway I'm the vampire. fortunately when I was scrapping with the girlfriend on the driveway, I'd manage to get a hypnotic suggestion to her which was just to open the bathroom window if she heard tapping against it. at night I flew up there and turned into a raven or whatever and tapped the window as I thought she was coming in - being a vampire allows you invisibility and some x ray vision apparently.
she opendd the window and invited me in. then because she'd completed her task, she snapped out of it & immediately realized "wait a fuckinf second" & moved to attack me, but I was faster! I injected her with a sedative. being a vampire means you don't just rely on your vampiric abilities, you know. anyway I was hungry, but my real target was revenge against the mentor. I couldn't do anything that'd tip anyone off. I could do stuff to piss the boyfeiend off though, so now that we had some alone time I could put stronger suggestuons in. the longer eye contact lasts, the more complicated things you can order them to do. anyway, I had a lot of time, so I took her free will too and made it mine. and she'd never know! who would know.
then I left to go menace other people fr a few years. in that time the suggestions took hold. the house became a much larger refuge for all sorts of vampire escapers. it even attracted a couple retired vampire hunters, who started teaching the others. the gf trained under them too. they started a fighting ring as well, & the bf quickly rose to the top.
anyway, I figured enough time hd passed, so I came back to check on them. they even had some people posted outside as guards, & I played it safe and approached slowly. they obviously knew what I was anyway and told me to fuck off, but I was just like "huh? what do you mean? I'm just visiting ~". the girl who wasnt feeling well then stepped outside for a breath of fresh air & then saw me & froze. one of the older vamp hunters was here too telling me I had 3 seconds to leave. I said my threatening comeback out of order, and then laughed and slapped my knee and said okay! let's retry that!
they started attacking me, but the gf was their star pupil. I knew their every move, and their every move's weakness. and I went to suplex the old man onto his head (vampires can't just rely on their skills, you know! sometims you have to watch strongher fighters than you through your pawn's eyes) & broke his neck and then turned to the other ones, and then my dad woke me up when I was viciously enjoying my dream of killing people. sad!
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In Which a Man is Misplaced - Ft. Dareth in the departed realm.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] (Finished)
The road towards the monastery was paved in gravel and tall grass. Most of the land wasnt touched beyond commonly walked trails, with trees and the occasional stone formation scattered about.
Most of the roads outside of the city were little more than that, how much they had changed in modern times...
The dark green lightened as they gradually went up in altitude. The red sun brightened into an orange as they approached and broke the elevated water, illuminating them in a warm golden glow.
Dareth stole a squint at the sun, feeling now more than ever that it was surveying everything in its light. It made him uneasy, but the other two didn't seem to mind.
"This isn't good." Plexi's voice caught him off guard. Was someone coming? Did he see someone that wasnt visible for everyone?
"What isn't good?"
"You stick out like a sore thumb, everyone seeing you will know you're alive. Look," plexi pointed to the shadow he casted.
Indeed, the other two didn't have one at all in this light.
Dareth gripped his coat.
"The more we move the less obvious it'll be. The longer out of the water we spend, the more chances one of those magic users will be sent down to investigate, come on." Favrile waved.
Farther up they climbed, deviating from the main path and cutting through a meadow. It was scenic, albeit hazy, as the trios collective perspectives blended the flora into blurred painted masses. In the thick of it, the golden glow subsided, and if he didn't know any better Dareth would have guessed he was right back in the realm of Ninjago. It felt as thought it was night time, maybe it would be if the sun ever moved. His thoughts escaped his mouth, "it never sets but it has a range..."
"What, the glowing ball in the sky?" Favrile picked up, slowing to walk beside Dareth instead of ahead, "it's not the real sun, it didn't exist until shortly after the water rose. Then it appeared and so did a bunch of ruined cloud houses. Then the flying magic people showed up. I miss what the light used to be, we used to be able to see other realms like close planets behind a glass wall."
"We dont have a sun, just a collected idea of when it rose and set, but now nobody knows so we had to take all the hands off the clocks," Plexi added, "and they're called 'Djinn', and they are loyal to their king and also their all-seeing sun."
"Tha-that thing is alive?!" No wonder it gave him the creeps.
"Certainly seems that way. If you ask me, I think its the source of their magic. I mean how else is their area suspended?"
They broke the tree line and crossed paths with the road again. The mountains were closer than ever now, and the stairs to their destination gleamed before them. Crows, crickets, and the breeze rustling through the leaves gentle filled the contemplative ambiance the trio shared. Things would have to move quicker now, marked by the ascent into the cloud line.
Plexi turned to face them, "are we all on board with the plan?"
Favrile nodded.
"You know, I've been wondering, what happens if we, say, dont fall fast enough?" Dareth squeaked, fiddling with his necklace.
"Well, we'll fall and hit the ground, and you'll lose your shadow, and then we'll have to rehome you." Plexi kicked his toe into the ground.
That certainly wasnt reassuring. Favrile squeezed his shoulder, "we *will* fall fast enough."
Even worse the feeling became, what was once the feeling of one eye watching had multiplied tenfold, and the warm heat had turned into intense stinging rays. Still, they pressed on up the steps and through the fog-like layer. Faintly he saw the glass-like planets floating beyond the yellow sky, who too seemed to be watching in anticipation.
Yet beyond this their climb was empty. No soul walked the stone steps, and no soul greeted them at the top. "Can I take a breather?" Dareth panted, sitting down on the final step.
Favrile joined him and laid on his back, "sure, I think we have time."
Plexi stared before resigning and joining the two. "He's here but I dont think he knows we're here."
"Good, the less he knows the better."
"Hey Dareth, tell me about Ninjago. What is it like?"
Dareth hummed, "you're not coming with us?"
"I am, but, I'm cursed and I'm blind as a bat in that realm. Drawbacks of my element so to speak, I didn't get any answers beside snark from the pawnbroker when I asked him." Plexi said.
"Oh, well," he started, "it's busy. Er, the city is busy. There's a lot of grey skyscrapers and rush hour is always a pain. I run a bar and I have a good time, sometimes bad things happen like uh, a giant snake shows up or pirates or stone warriors or videogames, but the ninja always save the day. I'm friends with them, and I help a lot too."
"What about outside of that, what about Limon and Metalonia and stuff?" Plexi asked as Favrile perked up.
"Oh uh, I don't know I don't really leave the city." He scratched his chin.
"So much has changed without me it seems." A voice added.
"Thats what I'm saying...huh?" Plexi sprang up, meeting the shaded eyes of the Master himself.
The other two turned and froze.
The Master looked between the three, eyeing Dareth in particular before fighting his need to glare at Favrile. "None of you belong here, but I doubt you are lost."
"We shouldn't have stopped." Plexi breathed.
"We're here fixing your mistakes, something you never do." Favrile spat and stood up, dragging Dareth up with. "It seems your little 'lotto' has some casualties."
"And?" He asked, "I don't have the power to do anything about it."
"Yeah you do you lazy crooked oni bastard, 'don't have the power' you wisked away an entire set of elemental masters to Ninjago!" Plexi piped.
His tail flicked in annoyance, "you're not allowed back into ninjago once you're dead, you know the rules, and neither of you two are supposed to leave the water line!"
"He's not dead!" Both Far and Plexi shouted.
"I don't care!" FSM boomed and stepped closer, pushing them to the edge of the stairs, "Ive needed an excuse to get rid of you two thorns, you do nothing but step out if line and cause me trouble. Now you want to ask me to bring you back to Ninjago?!-" he tripped, in which Dareth clumsily scrambled to help, only managing to somehow push him over the edge and down the stairs.
He looked on in horror as The Master tumbled down each step.
"Lets go!" Plexi shouted and ran. Favrile pulled Dareth by the arm around the side to the large overhang. Nothing below them poked through the thick clouds, and the audience of spheres honed their sights.
"I didn't mean to-!!" Dareth squeaked as Far and Plexi locked arms with him. "Wait! I'm not ready-!"
"Three, two, one,"
"Wait!! WAIT-!!" Dareth howeled as the two jumped off.
They plummeted, the wind catching in his throat cutting him off. Looking down caused his head to spin, so he looked up and felt worse. A horribly malformed amalgamation of Oni and Dragon fell after them, its three golden eyes glaring through a twisted maw.
Flecks of green mist swirreled around the three, as the sound of an old engine revved up. Compartments of green built around them before forcing them to aileron, becoming a nightmare of a rollercoaster. The being followed suit, spinning and accellerating with them.
The golds turned to blues and purples streaking by, swirrling vortexes passed through them at mach speeds, hitting like waves.
Somehow they wound up right back where they started: at the monestary falling down off the side. "Pull up!" Plexi shouted over the wind, and the train followed suit, grazing the tree line.
Slowing, they glided over the forest, the mass of green becoming defined with the night-time sky. In the far distance, the glow of the city cut through like its own star, slowly getting closer as they headed towards that direction. Gently, the train faded out as the two ghosts kicked their feet and slowed down more. They landed in the flat dry grasslands, jogging to a stop.
"Whew, we made it! I think." Plexi chirped.
Favrile laughed, "that we did!"
Dareth melted from their grip, mortified by the whole ordeal and pooling on the dirt.
"Are you okay?" Favrile asked.
"Huh? Yeah of course," plexi smiled.
"No, not you-"
"I... want to go home, and... lay down..." Dareth trembled. At least he didnt have to worry about the cat lady being there this time.
Fin.
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a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.
night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.
before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:
after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.
but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.
i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.
the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.
that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.
june 26 i watched ->
side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):
july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.
then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps
this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.
july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.
at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.
well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->
then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.
same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.
layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.
i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.
sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.
i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.
so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.
i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.
july 26 2020, i looked this up:
i have no memory of this at all.
the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.
i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-
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hihi, dont mean to bother you
I sleep on prospit and the aspect I got from the true zodiac quiz was light. though I dont care which one of these you want to incorporate into the final result. I also dont care about gender exclusive classes.
more about me; personality wise Id say Im a little weird, I often care more about my interests than my friends, of which range from innocent things like sea life and color theory to darker things like human anatomy and horror. I still love my friends, theyre just lower in priority. I am reclusive, but not often willingly, I suffer from fatigue which makes it hard to go outside a lot. though Ive kinda grown used to it that being alone is comforting now.
I think a big part of me is my munchausen syndrome, my life wasnt great, but I often feel like it should have been worse so I get more attention for it even though I KNOW thats not how it works. I WANT to be worse. my therapist chucks everything up to daddy issues when my mother was the one who abused me (my dad wasnt THERE to abuse me) and whenever I try to explain that I feel so unheard. otherwise I often daydream about vile situations to cope with stuff, or just, daydream at all. I get described as in my own head a lot. I like to pretend Im a lot more edgier than I actually am, it creates an imaginary barrier around me and makes me feel safer. in reality Im just an awkward, shy teen who apologizes a lot.
sorry if this is too much xp all of these are things Ive come to terms with so theyre not heavy for me to talk about, dont worry.
Mage of Void
seeing as how the quiz named you a Light player this is probably not what you expected, but to be open with you the quiz *does* have a higher probability of giving out light more than any other aspect, to keep it "realistic" or whatever, I don't like their logic.
i think you're a mage of void because you find comfort in void, being alone in it, just the void and yourself, a small circle of nothingness you can shape to your desires and comfort.
- Seers & Mages -
seers and mages are opposite classes, the same way that thieves and rouges are, to give a more broadly understood example. Seers learn/know their aspect in order to benefit their team; Rose lalonde the seer of light gathers more information about the game mechanics to give her session every chance it has of surviving. Mages on the other hand know their aspect for themselves, not to say they're selfish, they too are important in sessions, there's no class that doesn't play a role, but mages use their information to benefit themselves when playing the game
so im assigning you a Mage and not a seer because of how you use your words, how you describe your personal relationships being a lesser priority.
🌙 also I think you're either a derse dreamer or have a case similar to sollux, having two dream selfs? word-for-word derse players *do* have it rougher.. and by human standards ( i believe it alternates a bit for trolls because of what's considered tough for them ) you do have it. rough.
that's about all I have to say on the matter, if you want to be further convinced here's some sentences within your talk that help my case on assigning you a void player, aka what you just uttered was so void-pilled dude;
‘i am reclusive but not often willingly’
‘being alone is comforting now’
‘it creates an imaginary barrier around me and it makes me feel safer’
#not my best explained work#homestuck#classpect#classpects#classpect assignment#moon assignment#mage of void#abuse mention
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have surprised myself with how much ive been able to get done today altho i know ill be hit with exhuastion soon enough, rambling under the cut about things having mixed emotions but not all bad really
so my room in our house isnt really exactly my own room, its the room with the eletric box, water heater/softener closet, furnace filters, and the washer and dryer. its always been this way so im used to like not really ever having a space thats mine and mine alone but i wont get into that. anyway any time the seasons change (or often on my parents whim and never without any warning) we have to get to the water heater closet and the furnace filter so my room has to be torn apart to get to them. my bed is pushed up against the water heater closet so its like i sleep right next to a door so the bed has to be moved. anyway this is usually a very jarring and upsetting thing since it usually happens without warning or telling me and i have everything i own just moved without being told or warned. but today i decided to take agency in this and i was the one who moved the bed and moved all my things so my dad could get in and turn on the water so we can use the outside hose to water things.
ive been meaning to really deeply clean and sort like, everything i have and everything in my room for probably half a year now and to see what i might want to give away/keep and reorrange things and just like take stock of things for the HOPEFUL future where i can move out and be having my real own space yknow. i finally started this process and it felt good to get everything down and to really deeply dust, ive also been meaning to properly wash old stuffed animals of mine bc i love my stuffed animals dearly but some of the ones i had when i was younger are very clearly showing their age so i looked up tips and instructions on hand washing old stuffed animals and i tested it out on two ones that dont mean as much to me to see if it goes ok before trying to wash ones that i absolutely dont want to ruin and it went well! i definitely can feel myself starting to get tired and having more pain as i write this but im still happy with how much i cleaned and sorted along with washing my sheets/pillows/blankets
the thing that makes me have mixed emotions is that what ive also been meaning to do is.... take down and get rid of the things that were drawn by/given to me by the old long term friend who just suddenly cut me off with no warning or explanation and then only messaged me one more to weirdly say "well im hanging out with my new friends and theyre so cool and great" and not responding to me begging him to tell me what was going on or if i had done anything wrong and wanting to talk things out. we were long distance internet friends for over 10 years so i have a lot of drawings and books hed given me and i didnt really get to taking down a lot of drawings but i sorted through one book in particular, he used to do this thing where hed give me a comic book and hed put in sticky notes in a lot of pages with his thoughts on them. so i went through the pages and took out all the sticky notes one at a time since i want to give the comic book to someone i know will like it. and it was a very... weird feeling. taking them all out. i had read the notes and the book when he first gave it to me but now reading them it felt like.. more bitter than sweet but there was still sweetness there. i recognize looking back that i had rose tinted glasses on for the majority of our relationship and it was probably more toxic than i realized and i often blamed myself for harmful things he did. not at all saying hes a bad person or anything btw i just think we both were very damaged kids from abusive homes and i was probably toxic in ways i didnt realize as well im not without blame here but its weird to realize that our friendship wasnt as healthy as i thought it was. but reading those notes as i took them out it was like... he wrote these at a time where i know he loved me and considered me his close friend and i felt the same. and i still love him. the love i have for anyone, especially a close friend, does not just disappear. it stays within me and is not wasted. but it certainly feels like a weight on my chest in this moment.. i keep thinking, what happened? what changed? he didnt even give me this book that many years ago, maybe three or four at the longest. what happened to make him decide to cut me off like that? i dont know, and i know im not going to get closure. so i just have to hold the love i still have and let it ache but then i have to let go and continue trying to live
i dont know how soon im going to have the opportunity and resources to be able to leave my home situation, its become increasingly obvious to me that its not something i can achieve on my own for a multitude of reasons, i know ill need help and i try to remind myself that im not alone in it and that its not impossible for me to get to a safe environment where i dont feel scared and like a cornered animal. for now i feel good about my decision to try and make my living space feel nicer for myself, although im aware that it never really feels like my own space nor does it ever fully feel safe i still am trying to make jt more comfortable for myself while im here and i feel proud of myself for that
anyway thanks if you read this all, i hope youre doing well mwah
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why is love so hard?
summary- you and taehyung have once again gotten into an argument this time a way bigger one. can you guys make it right once again or will it end?
rating- 18+ 🤭
warning!!- slight angst, overworking, eventual smut, crying, shouting, hickeys, face fucking, deep throating, cum swallowing, dom tae, sub y/n dynamics, swearing, breast play.
pairings- boyfriend tae, girlfriend y/n
taehyung had a so much work he had to do so he told you strictly to stay outside of his office room. you honestly missed him so much. its been 7 hours and you havent had a kiss from him yet. you rose from your seat at the dining table and made your way upstairs to his office. you were contemplating if you should knock or just walk in. knocking would distract him too much so you simply just walk in to see him working on his laptop. his eyes remain on his laptop. he seemed to not even be aware of your presence. you slowly walk over to him. “babe…? i miss you.” you put your hand on his shoulder. still, he was ignoring you. you scoff. “i made lunch. you should come down and eat it.” you say, desperate to just hear his voice but it seemed he was to busy on his laptop. “baby.. answer me. please..?” you see his jaw lock. he was obviously tense. “how is work goin-“ he keeps his eyes on the laptop but speaks. “y/n, stop fucking distracting me. i told you to stay out off this room but you still come? do you ever listen??” he keeps typing away on his laptop. it was clear to you he he wasnt missing you at all. “i was just missing you, tae. no need to swear.” you furrow your eyebrows feeling an argument rise up. taehyung is always so serious about his work. if hes interrupted he wont hesitate to get mad. “do you think i was missing you? get out, y/n.” you heard him sigh and now thats definitely ticked you off. you was only trying to help. “what the fuck? why are you being such an ass hole today??” you near spit. he only scoffs as a result. “y/n i just fucking said get out, why are you not listening to me, huh?” you dry scoff and cross your arms just under your breasts. “i just wanted to say come downstairs to eat something. why are you being so rude?” he puts the tip of his fingers to his nose bridge and shakes his head. “listen, i need to focus on my work. i need you to get out, ok?” you sigh at the tone hes using, a much softer one then before. “i know, ok? i made your favourite lunch.. can you just come down and eat? you only had coffee today..” he groans in annoyance. “fuck off, y/n!” he raises his voice, something he never normally does. “i told you so many times, dont disturb me, im busy with work! and you do it anyways, why cant you ever listen, huh?! just get out, y/n i dont need you to keep fucking telling me i need to eat, i know.” he raises his voice causing you to cower. he kept his eyes on his screen. you swallow back your feelings. “i-“ you were about to talk but get cut off by him. “i said fucking get out!” he shouts and you walk out. you run to your shared room. its not like he would want to sleep with you. you get into bed and start crying. he knows you hate when people shout at you. you feel unwanted. your own boyfriend said it himself. he didnt miss you. you finally go sleep around 7:32 pm. tears stain your cheeks and your eyes near swollen. you fell asleep in your clothes ; a cute grey crop top with a tight leather skirt. taehyung loved this skirt on you. the blanket covers your face as you sleep.
around 11:46 pm you were woken to the sound of the bedroom door open. you choose to ignore it until you feel the side of the bed dip, meaning someone is sitting there. you choose to ignore it and turn the other way. taehyung sighs. he was so stressed with work. nothing was going his way today. he.. took it out on you. he felt so guilty. “baby..?” he calls out to you. his voice tired and full of guilt. you bite down on your lip, feeling tears prick your eyes again for some reason. “baby.. please.. im so sorry..”you hear a rustling sound like some plastic. you rise up from the bed, your face tear stained youd say you look horrible but taehyung would argue otherwise. “im sorry, y/n. i was so stressed because today work was just.. not going right and i was just angry at everyone. im really sorry if i said something that upset you. i promise i wont do it again. i swear..” he shoves the flowers he brought for you closer to you. peonies. you cant help but upside down smile. “its.. ok.” you say, tone clearly broken. “y/n.. im sorry i made you cry.” he shuffled closer to you and wraps his arms around you, caging you. you take in his cologne and his body wash. instantly calming you. “its ok, tae. i promise. i understand if you think work is more important than me..” your voice broke in between, hating to accept that reality. he sighs heavily. “jagiya. dont say that.. you mean the world to me. you are my world. please dont think work is more important than you. you know how i get when i have a lot of work to do.” he kisses your four head meaningfully. you look up at him “really..?” you say. “of course. you mean so much to me.. im just so stupid for treating you like shit sometimes.” you look up at him once again, his eyes full of guilt. you connect your lips for a slow meaningful kiss. you slowly pull away and admire taehyung as he does the same for you. “i love you.” he says softly, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. “i love you to..” he looked so cute at that moment. he smiled at you before looking away;
“youre so cute, tae. oh my goddd-!” you cover your mouth and try not to squeal. he laughs through his nose and kisses you all over your face, stopping at your lips as he placed a slow meaningful kiss. you kissed him back, tugging his shirt to come closer to you. he does, suddenly just inches away from your body “i love this on you..” you smile and bite your lip. “i know, thats why i wore it. stupid. thoughhh.. i do need to change out of it.” you smirk at him and he licks his lips. “can i help with that?” you grab his hand and put it up your skirt on your thigh. “of course.” and with that he rips your skirt off. he teasingly fans your thighs with his hot breath. you bite your lip. “you said you was stressed with work, huh?” he sighs, hated he was reminded about it. he was about to forget about it. “uh.. yeah?” he asks, confused. “well how about.. i help you forget about it, hmm..?” you speak as you slowly bend down in front of him, getting down on your knees. “use my mouth, tae. im all yours..” something ignites in him and he unzips his trousers allowing his dick to spring to life. you slowly palm his cock for a few seconds before diving in. your tongue engulfing one side of his cock as you hollow your cheeks out. one hand on his thigh whilst the other hand on the bed. you lower your head as you suck at his large cock. you could feel his dick at the back of your throat, near swallowing his length. after a few minutes off you slowly bopping your mouth on his dick he grabs hold of your hair. he stands up, leaving you looking up at him, confused. he starts to thrust his dick into your mouth, causing you to gag. tears start to pool in your eyes as he continuously thrusts into your little mouth. the room filled with the angelic moans taehyung straggles out. you look up at him to see his head fall back. his thrust game was fast, causing you to whimper, feeling your throat sting. you could taste precum on your tongue. “fuck baby, you take me so well.. im gonna cum.” you breathe out your nose heavily until you feel his hot, sticky cum fill your mouth. he thrusts softly into your mouth whilst he cums. he pulls his cock out and watches you swallow all his cum. “youre such a good girl.. can you get on the bed again?” you smile at his comment before nodding. you walk to the bed, laying down for him. your skirt is already off. he goes in between your legs as he lifts your crop top up, revealing your braless boobs. he begins to suck at your nipples, causing you to moan under him. he soon lines his cock with your bare cunt causing you to squirm. “please just fuck me already-“ you breath put heavily but soon cut off as he pushes his shaft deep inside you. 😱
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okay its 4am here and i guess what better time to express how chronically online i am through homestuck gender, sexuality and mental stuff headcanons of mine *smile*
okay im gonna start off with the beta kids and trolls of course, probably will not go into the alpha trolls as i do not really know a lot or care a lot about them
one disclaimer, i dont see most of this shit as canon and this doesnt mean i dont believe or even dislike other headcanons, i love seeing all different headcanons and really use and see everyones headcanons of everything, so this isnt saying my headcanons are the ONLY way i see and interpret these characters its just how i see them without an outside influence so dont come after me like omg hes gay and trans.. IDGAF!!! HE IS GAY AND TRANS !!!!!! IDC IF I SAID HES CISHET AND YOU THINK HES GAY AND TRANS.. ME TOO i think everything, these are just my like, personal thoughts about the characters, i genuinely like and use all headcanons though
John: um i am a john/june coexistence believer so i will be going over both. I think john is defo straight okay like idk dont ask i wont be explaining like he just feels cishet to me dont get me wrong I love LOVE johndave but you cant look at john fucking egbert and tell me he is gay im sorry, and june is defo a transbian, thats all shes just a girly who likes girls. as for mental stuff both of them, I see personally having autism DEFINITELY and slight adhd
Dave: oh my god BI DAVE IS REAL. dave is one million percent bi no gender lean,but was ashamed of it for a while because he was scared to be gay cause he grew up thinking gay was something wrong, but eventually came to terms with it. i can see dave as cis or transmasc really they both fit very well to me. dave has to me, obv depression, but i think like a panic disorder because of his brother, some stuff brings him back, and while i feel the bro dave stuff wasnt as severe as the fandom makes it out to be, it still was pretty fucked up, and dave is still just as fucked up over it, a lot of the time its more self worth stuff wondering why his brother was such a dick to him blahblahbalh whatever you get what im saying, i also feel as if like, not a mental disorder thing but he tries to get attention from everyone he can because of the attention his childhood lacked and he is really scared and insecure anyways take all this as you will
Rose: ok rose augh bi rose is real,,, BUT she is SO SO SO female leaning, like shes like i like girls butttttttt there are a few men i will ... look at and want for. I think shes nonbinary demigirl, she/they but doesnt mind whichever set of pronouns you use. i think she has like pretty bad depression and struggles a lot with derealization and things in that area. i can also see her definitely having some form of autism
Jade: okay jade i see as cis and bi with no lean, i have no further explanation, while i see her as having bpd it presents itself way differently than usually associated with the stereotype for someone with bpd. this coming from being alone her whole life and feeling abandoned by everyone around her, because she might feel like shes the only one who puts effort into caring and is still left alone in the end maybe im projecting lalal youll never know ! i see her also having severe severe depression but tries to suppress it to make sure no one worries, she also has really bad add and some slight form of autism.
OK now onto beta trolls (warning a lot of these r gonna be bi headcanons oppsy)
Aradia: okay.... im not sure how to go about this one since i am aradia lol but uhh ill just go ahead and describe how i see myself i suppose? so I am cis girl she/her, bi with a pretty heavy female lean, ok if anyone wants I will go further in depth with this one but i have bpd and hpd which are both very similar but have some distinct differences xD anyways I also have some form of autism and have add, i struggle really really badly with depression along with derealization and depersonalization, this is all, umm as a little added thing I subscribe to catholicism but am kind of shitty at practicing it, but i still do hold some of their beliefs to myself
Tavros: transmasc absolutely cant fight me on this one, um also bi with a male lean, I think he struggles with an anxiety/panic disorder, and has autism + depression.. he also has dependent personality disorder REAL bad.. umm dont have a lot to say on this one LMAO
Sollux: sigh everyones gonna kill me sollux can be cis to me......... if I want, but I also like trans headcanons of him? so idrk how i see him lel, hes definitely bi with a female lean. um he has bipolar.. canon so thats one, but I can also see him having aspd noo ren dont make him evil having aspd doesnt make you evil these are my headcanons so they will make sense to me differently than they will to you haha and he has depression
Karkat: transmasc karkat real ooouhhh scary ghost noise also bi with male lean, he so obviously has a panic disorder and ptsd, I also think he struggles with depression real, and like lol.. anger issues ok thats all i have to sat for him too ah oopsie a lot of these are gonna be depression but thats a given cause.. really who isnt depressed anymore?
Nepeta: BRAH okay listen nepeta isnt like.. not cis but she isnt not nonbinary!!!?!!?!?! like to describe it shes like nonbinary with she/her prns like shes just this little girl that breaks gender norms all day if u feel me? shes bi with a slight female lean but no real preference i think she defo has autism and adhd, but also struggles really bad with depression from how lonely she is
Kanaya: lesbian 100000000000% does not like men LOL um honestly she/her cis, she has depression and bpd shh shh everyone who is mad for my bpd diagnoses close your eyes, ok this is all
Terezi: cis girl and bi with a male lean, i think she has depression really bad and dependent personality disorder but it only starts showing outwardly later within the comic after all the stuff .... with her goes down
Vriska: transfemme bi with no lean, ok ahh this is not really a lot to unpack but it is? idk vriska though her personality seems like the posterboy for fucking bpd and people might say that gives people with bpd a bad reputation to be associated with her, as someone with medically diagnosed bpd i just dont agree, if the shoe fits... its probably for a reason, anyways vriska has the absolute most convincing and fitting title of bpd of any character within homestuck, but she also fits within depression in my opinion, but thats really a result of her bpd and stuff with her lusus driving people away anyways i can also see her having npd
Equius: brah gonna be honest equius straight but bicurious and transmasc, wants to be strong because of his rage stuff but also because hes insecure about not being cis and wants to be as “manly” as possible, nepeta always tries to convince him he doesnt have to be strong to be a man but hes so insecure it doesnt matter what she says. I think he personally struggles HORRIBLY with gender dysphoria and what trans person doesnt? but him especially, it makes him badly depressed and he wont admit it, I also think he is autistic
Gamzee: brah another cis male bi sigh he has a female lean but only a little. I think he struggles with drug induced psychosis, he started abusing substances when he was younger because he was depressed but it ended up frying his brain and making his body and mind dependent on the drugs and giving him awful psychosis issues
Eridan: cis male bi with no lean whatsoever he just wants someone to fucking love him, i think he struggles with bpd, hpd and npd along with depression ok thats all
Feferi: cis female bi large male lean, but still also likes girls a lot?? idk just kinda loves everything and everyone, has adhd really bad and autism, not depressed but sometimes has derealization episodes and doesnt know how to tell anyone and keeps them to herself
Jane: cishet, bicurious but is too ashamed to admit it because of how she was raised, i think she struggles with anger issues and some slight depression, but thats about it
Dirk: cis gay gay gay gay gay as fuck oh my god anyways i know i said cis but i can also see trans dirk real so idk, i think he has gasp! bpd, he also very much has awwwful depression
Roxy: cis bi female, male lean, deals with really really bad depression but keeps it to herself ah obviously has substance abuse issues that are to deal with the depression
Jake: cis bi male lean, on the aromantic spectrum sigh idk lel this is just what i think, he also has mega autism and also very depressed
ok these r all please dont hate me after this 💀
#aradia megido#homestuck#tavros nitram#sollux captor#karkat vantas#nepeta leijon#kanaya maryam#terezi pyrope#vriska serket#equius zahhak#gamzee makara#eridan ampora#feferi peixes#headcanons#john egbert#dave strider#rose lalonde#jade harley#jane crocker#dirk strider#roxy lalonde#jake english
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Fic request idea if nobody’s done this before- Yang having nightmares about those Ruby zombie clones the curious cat created, but wakes up in relief to see her sister alive and safe beside her
(I changed this just slightly, mostly the right next to her part. Hope this still gets what you wanted though.)
Yang wiped her brow as she let her gauntlets shift back into their bracelets around her arms. She glanced at her mechanical arm, letting out a loud sigh when she noticed a few new scratches. “Guess I’ll need to redo the paint job. You want to help me out with it, Rubes?”
“Maybe later,” Ruby answered, slowly lowering her scythe.
“Everything okay?” Yang turned to face Ruby, pausing for a moment as she noticed her hood was up. “Its not like you to want to skip out on tinkering with anything.”
“I’m… fine…”
Yang took a step back as she listened to Ruby’s voice become monotone, the forest going quiet as the trees around her started to blacken. With a deep breath, she walked over to Ruby and put a gentle hand on her sister. “Are you sure you’re-” she froze as she caught a glimpse of pale skin under the red hood.
Silver eyes on black sclera looked back at her, the red cloak starting to fade to a grey. A moan escaped Ruby’s lips as a wicked smile crossed her face. “I’m fine!”
Yang pulled back and watched as a few more zombified Rubys walked out from the trees, her mechanical hand shook as she listened to the voices start to overlap. “Ruby, I can get you help-”
“You cant help me, Yang,” one of the Ruby’s said as it walked closer to her.
“You never understood me,” said another.
“You never wanted me around!”
Yang took a deep breath and readied her gauntlets as the zombie Rubys came closer, eyes darting as she looked around at each Ruby. She punched the first one that came at her, watching as it shattered around her in rose petals. Then, she felt a Ruby grab hold of her arm, and another wrap her arms around her neck as it bit down into her.
“Ruby!” Yang yelled as she woke up, heart pounding in her chest as she looked around the tent she had been sleeping in. Her hand shook as she reached for the mechanical arm she kept beside her bedroll, slowly reattaching it and relaxing once she felt a hand brush up against hers.
“Couldnt sleep?” Blake asked.
Yang sighed and slowly moved her mechanical arm, testing the gauntlet on it. “Another nightmare.”
“About Adam? Or the Ever After?”
“It was about Ruby again.” Yang slowly got up and stepped outside of the tent, looking out into the forest. “I… I still feel like I’m losing her. I know its been a couple years since we went to the Ever After, that Ruby is more herself and getting better ever since we stopped Salem-”
“But after everything, it still feels like we might lose her again?” Blake stepped out with Yang, gently taking her hand. “She’s still here and fine.”
Yang nodded, her eyes glancing to her sister sleeping on a bedroll next to the tent, relaxing when she realized she was safe. “I should’ve been able to take care of her better.”
“It wasnt on you. None of us knew what she was going through-”
“But I should’ve! I’m here sister! I should know-” Yang stopped mid sentence, relaxing her fingers once she realized how tightly she was squeezing Blake’s hand. “I promised dad I’d keep her safe. And almost losing her… it made me realize just how close I’ve been to losing her by pushing her away.”
“We’ve all had our own stuff to deal with.” Blake kissed Yang’s cheek and let go of her hand. “Now that you know Ruby’s safe, will you come back to bed with me?”
“I’ll lay down in a bit.” Yang sat down next to Ruby and gently rubbed her sister’s back. “I want to spend a little time with Ruby. Need to put my mind at ease.”
“Dont be long.”
Yang nodded and took a few breaths to relax next to Ruby, keeping close to her sister. She gently moved the cloak to be over Ruby a bit more to keep her warm, gently brushing her fingers against her hair. Once she was sure Ruby was safe, she got up and started to make her way to bed, relaxing with a deep breath. “Just a few more nights, and then we can make our way back home and rest.”
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