#school truly fucked me. my sense of love ability comes from how well i do in school. i didn't care about what i was learning.
Text
I have never deliberately or consciously seeked academic success, i was just trying to avoid failure.
#school truly fucked me. my sense of love ability comes from how well i do in school. i didn't care about what i was learning.#i was just afraid to fail and afraid to having to be viewed as a failure. i dedicated so much of my life to studying til the point..#i missed out on so much even though school isn't really the reason i missed out on things. it just the thing that occupied my time#the fact i never wanted to be academically successful made me downplay my accomplishments to myself and to others..#i graduated uni last year and i was the top student on my class and no.7 on the whole year and i always downplayed it.#i got annoyed when my dad mentioned it to other people because I'm not actually *learning* I'm just studying for exams#other people have a balance they do school work they go out have fun have friends and i was just going to school and doing homework#if i ever go and get another degree it'll be for something i actually give a shit about not fucking chemical engineering.. what the fuck di#i do for 4 fucking years?? oh i know just took a bunch of classes i didn't give a shit about and stressed myself the fuck out over exams!#personal#👑
0 notes
Note
How do you get your art/character interactions to be so expressive and organic? I've loved your art and ocs for years and keep coming back once in a while to skim through your Dragon Age and Elder Scrolls art to get inspired, so I wondered if you did specific art studies to get to where your art is right now?
Thank you for the compliment! I've got three answers (or exercises) for you and you can take them as you like 'em underneath the cut.
They are in order from Most Annoying to Most Pleasing.
The Noble Still Life
My parents threw me into art classes at around 6 years old. I don't mean to imply that that somehow makes me a better artist out of the gate--it truly doesn't--but it does mean that I've been doing still life studies for a sad but significant portion of my life. And as much as I hate drawing stupid fruit arranged with other stupid shit on stupid pieces of fabric, still life studies were really helpful across the board and especially with developing a sense of how shit works. ... Even if I go on to blissfully ignore what I've learned and draw fabric folds however the hell I want and put shadows wherever I damn well please.
The Ye Olde Master Study
As part of secondary school, we were also trotted out to local museums and parks and whatnot and told to just... have at it. So a lot of my sketchbooks from that time are filled with studies of library-lion-this and portrait-of-supposedly-important-man-that. Then, back in class, we were asked to imitate the old masters. Old Masters studies are really fucking fun and some of my favourite commissions have started out with phrases like "Can you recreate this Benjamin Constant painting but with my character as Empress Theodora?" or "How about a different Constant painting of Theodora?" I also do master-ish studies with my own digital paintings, like this one of Samson and this one of Bree. I think it's a fun exercise because it pushes me out of my comfort zone even if the end result doesn't look all that sophisticated or much like the original.
The Desperate Scribbles of the Human Form~
I should put gesture drawings and anatomy studies before master studies because in theory you need to know how to draw bodies before you start trying to paint in imitation of Caravaggio. (Now that I think about it, a deep knowledge of fruit is also essential to Caravaggio... but I digress.) In my art class, gesture drawings were more about flow and movement than it was about your unnerving ability to draw an elbow. Our teachers broke us using the Boiling Frog Technique, which was to say that they lulled us into a false sense of security by allowing us to sketch the person modelling for 10 minutes. Then 5 minutes. Then 3 minutes. Then 2 minutes. Then 1 minute. Then 30 seconds because they were sadists. It is unfortunately an effective way of teaching 1) how bodies move and 2) how to capture the essence of a pose rather than the strict reality of it.
But I really like anatomy studies and I really, really like drawing hands. And more hands. And even more hands. And then some more hands just in case. And then, just to shock and surprise everyone, a torso. A good chunk of my sketchbook is just me drawing faces and hands and eyeballs and hands and faces and sometimes feet when I can't remember how ankles work.
Other Weird Tips That Don't Quite Count As Studies:
If you don't wanna sketch in a museum or go to a park or stare at a stranger's ankles to figure out how ankles work, then go pull up fantasy stock photos on DeviantArt or take a photo of yourself and then get to sketching. That's what I do!
Watch a shitton of animated films. There's a fluidity & theatricality to how characters move in animated films that I love. Sometimes it seems like every inch of the character is expressing the emotion they're feeling. I find it personally inspirational even if I feel like gnawing off my own hand every time I attempt to draw my own frame-by-frame animation.
Study film. I studied film very, very briefly and a wee snippet of that was studying storyboards (as in: in library, with book) and doing some storyboard art projects (as in: at desk, with sketchbook). I treat every comic I do as if I was storyboarding the animated scene from the disjointed animated film in my brain and then polish it up to make it more readable/enjoyable.
Hope that helps!
101 notes
·
View notes
Text
haven't had much to say about rubyfruit jungle so far, not because i haven't had any thoughts, but because i don't know how to put them down in any way that would make sense
i understand why it gained notoriety and why so many lesbians have loved it. the main character is completely unashamed, the book is unashamed about it's unashamed main character. life isn't great but she takes no shit, she accepts her losses and moves on. she's angry but that doesn't stop her. she fucks girls and boys and she hides it only because she knows she has to, and when it comes out she owns it completely. she is herself and refuses all labels and boxes anyone tries to shove her in
it took me a bit to get into still, which, to be fair, is true for most books i read. rarely do i truly like a book from the very beginning. but with this book it's a lot to do with the fact that those kinds of, i guess, "raw" honest depictions of life, as much as they may be true to many people's experiences, i just don't really like. sue me, i don't care for kids running around demanding a cent to see some kid's dick. kids will be kids, but i was never that kinda kid and i'd rather spend my time reading about other things
it picked up as she entered high school and made friends and then lost them and went to college. her drive has more punch behind it, probably because she's more grown up. the friends and lovers she makes are more interesting (sorry to leroy, you are a victim of society, but you were not the most compelling character), her ability to pick herself up after setbacks and preserve her pride more engaging
no doubt though, it is a very flawed book. i've seen some criticism of the main character being constantly portrayed as so much smarter, so much cleverer, so much more quick witted than the slow, dumb people around her. she can outplay and show up anyone. other than her dad, who encourages her to pursue the life she wants, she never learns anything from another person. she's always right, always smart, always ruthless and ambitious
there's also how characters talk about lesbians. lesbians are all ugly and wanna look like men, but our dear molly isn't like that. while she never accepts any label like dyke or queer or lesbian for her own, she doesn't shy away from the fact that she will be called does things. still, i don't like the book having this constant through line of how people view lesbians(read butches) but then just brushes it aside with, well, molly isn't like that. while i'm only around halfway through so i can't judge it fully by now, i don't expect that view of butches to be challenged. based on the criticism i rather expect it to be reinforced
still don't think i'm summarizing my thoughts properly here, but tldr: book not my thing to begin with but getting better
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
🖊 for both Jude and Flora.
*chinhands*
Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC! / / @dilffactory
flora is just this like huge catch-all for like, things that i love. imagery, powers, inspiration from my zodiac & like, she's the kind of thing i think of when i think of ideal femininity & in humanity, in terms of being thoughtful & connected, careful while also not losing your spontaneousness or becoming stagnant or boring. she feels like she is all things, and she is feminine in the face of all the ways she isn't. her enormous stature, her unconventional features & wide build. as well at the enormous physical strength she possesses. she's a contrast & somewhat of a good fit for the creature she became. driven by a maternal love & possessiveness over the universe, & her ability to become one with it. she's a balance of darkness, with the light. something else i've come to learn is a balance we all need to find, & her personal beliefs while rooted in empathy & life, does also extend to empathizing with the darkest of creatures. flora is a bright grey area, as she knows that there is no good without evil nor evil without good. she's just a very full soul, & while she's so accomplished -- she still has so much to see, so much to learn. also, monsters are inherently something i've always loved which has attracted me to the ghouls early on. the flowing fabrics, the ethereal beauty one would associate with the birthing of harvests or a being who can summon the rain to quench the thirst of drying children in the earth.
in turn she holds this power so relevant to the church yet again so seemingly a heavenly gift brought to a damned creature. she belongs in hell yet she is wasted there. she's a contradiction that is so right, if you strip away all her surroundings and expectations. you're left with a realist, but a positive life-force with the power of protection, & the capability for vengeance of a scorned mother nature. i also think it's very interesting that the full extent of her power is almost unable to be truly uncovered. she's a healer, a mother, a daughter, a friend. there's something in me that feels every element touches her as the basis for what powers the earth, & is needed for its continued rotation. though i also believe while she is afraid of fire in the traditional sense of one rooted in the ground.
okay, as for judith - okay, so the basis for judith was very much a sort of fleeting one. i think i am a big contrast person, for such a little girl to be able to create such a loud sound, even if it's not with her mouth or with her physical expressions. the idea she could get behind a kit & everyone would smack their jaws on the floor. surprised that someone like her would so much as even fuck with the kind of music she does, let alone play it so seamlessly. drums are my favourite instrument in traditional music, especially what i listen to - & i'm usually very attracted to the drummers in bands in terms of them becoming favorites of mine. & since i do know how to play the bass guitar, the rhythm of songs do mostly interest me. i figured perhaps because of my passion for the instrument itself it would be a good catalyst, & a good angle between the sensible christian girl, & the teenager who wants to experience her life for the first time. also her backstory is somewhat inspired by my favourite drummer, & how he became acquainted with the drums in his school's orchestra, as his parent's were famous in the opera/orchestra scene in europe at the time.
obviously religion is a pretty common theme around here. judith came up after duke, i kind of wanted to explore the other side of the dynamic, & she's ripe for different plots. like slotting her into ghost was so easy, as she yearns for a place where she can be free - but all she knows is the structure of religion and that of her parent's household. i have a preacher's daughter au, an au where she still volunteers at her church into her 20's instead of leaving, or also like you suggested - the christian rock take. the wide eyed lamb out for slaughter trope. i don't play females often, but when i do they're usually very young (younger than me anyway) & mentally unstable, usually manipulated by one or more parents. piper, rae, jude - they all have that vibe. even missy, in a way. just a more hyper feminine lane, like judith.
i also love how jude isn't -- like? the religion isn't stopping her from being who she is. she left the church (or well, kind of) & she realized that she still loves the way she dresses, her style, her hair. she's never changed despite not only her ability to adapt to what's going on around her, but the constant changes & codependent behavior of her mother. despite their being a lot of gaslighting in their relationship not to mention mental gymnastics on jude's part. i'm not sure if she ever develops proper boundaries with maryanne, tbh. i think her father is more likely to never speak to her again, once she leaves their house. i feel like she's really fun to play because despite being naive she's not stupid, so to see her faking something till she makes it versus being herself, around someone?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
My Take on Light in Death Note
So I finished Death Note two days ago and I have to say I cant get this show out of my damn head. Light Yagami... I don’t know if I should swoon over how diabolical he is or attractive ( whats a man so evil gotta do with all that sexiness?) or hate his guts. I mean he’s what kept me around for all 37 episodes by how amazed I was with his methodical mind. I was intrigued most how he so easily manipulated literally everyone around him.
His death and demise still made me cry because ultimately Kira aka Light didn’t lose. It was Teru Mikami’s fault for not trusting Light and acting without permission, or shall I say Lights mistake for trusting Teru so much.
SPOILERS IN THEORY:
So I read somewhere that someone loved the fact Light Yagami, who had it all was wealthy, had a good family, good looks, smarts, and was athletic still had a tragic ending. They were relieved to see he didn’t come from abuse, or a bad home etc... I just want to say to that theory he may on the surface “had it all” but the truth was he never did:
At the beginning of the story Light is in High School and is depressed with the monotony of his day to day life and quite literally only plays with the Death Note out of boredom and curiosity. Now notice again Light may look like he has it all but he has a dad who’s Chief of the Police and is never around. He’s excelled all his academics and even some of athletic abilities so now he has this standard of being perfect and he’s unstimulated. He doesn’t have the ability to make mistakes because of this reputation and so he manipulates his way to always winning. It’s intriguing because he’s always two steps ahead but also in real life this is a terrible coping mechanism. He also has this fucked up sense of justice from his family values and his dad being in the Police force. Also does no one notice how Light is not close to a single person in the entire show minus L? Thats not healthy, no one truly asks him if he’s doing okay, no one addresses his mental health. Also how did his dad never once notice he hacked his computer? Oh yeah like I said parents who don’t give a damn. All of Death Note could have been avoided if he had better parents in my opinion. Also Light never had someone besides L who challenge him enough to put him in his place. Let Light try that mansplaining, manipulative flirting to a modern women and watch how quick that pretty boys ego would have been bruised and put in his place. He also never truly loves a single character in the manga/show so again he’s got defensive walls so high he can never trust someone and open up thats again not healthy.
Also Pre evil Light was so cute and noble you just felt like you had to root for him. Even if I adored L his death kinda ruined the show for me, but I pushed through because I had to see how far Light could pull this off but they could of played it better.
I truly think Light was a good person before the Death Note snapped him, the first two deaths literally snapping all his morales. So i’m a bit witchy and believe in energy and dark magic and I honestly believe something as Evil as the Death Note probably did play a part on his corruption just by the power it had. The anime portrays both side of Light so well its truly convincing he’s innocent even when we know he’s not.
Also side rant the way he treats women is absolutely disgusting and again his momma clearly didn’t teach him how to respect a women... Yikes. We love you Misa Misa. <3 RIP REM.
So that being said I hear the guys who made Stranger Things are making a Live Action version of Death Note and if this is true they will finally give it some justice! I cannot wait!
I need more Death Note I cant get enough its just so good, such a great anime. I wish they would of gone more into the other Shinigami and introduced more into the earth like imagine 3 people with notebooks? This anime had so much potential beyond 37 episodes and honestly could still be continued if you think about it.
P.S why would he respect his DAD when his DAD never respected him? Lol clowns. RIP L.
~Peach
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”
Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”
Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.
so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can
OMG FLASHBACK??
yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions
oh dear
Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE
EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES
???
RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!
ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us
?? ??????? ?????????????????????
so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol
OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!
A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that
-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect
LMAO
WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”
oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime
blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI
“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN
“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh
“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”
“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier
LSDKFJLSDKJFLK
“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI
(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)
so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”
and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”
“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas
dsfaelkjldkjgl
you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??
this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed
“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim
anyway so back to the unruly mob
not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap
oh wow the parents are out here too
is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys
MONOMA
so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this
anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW
and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/
it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON��T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”
so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez
OH MY GOD
MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED
OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT
truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand
“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao
(ETA:
WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)
“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason
narrator: they did not listen to reason
oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE
hmm
this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol
(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)
oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively
“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako
lol uh
gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off
SDLFKJSL
“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”
so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH
OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY
not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that
-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!
sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech
never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him
THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK
“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth
so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol
#bnha 323#uraraka ochako#rat principal#class 1-a#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
344 notes
·
View notes
Text
nothing but my aching soul
Levi and Hange's first time happens when both of them are far from being young.
(or a ridiculously fluffy fic about Levi being a nervous wreck).
nsfw under the cut!
It was ridiculous, foolish and absurd.
He used to be a soldier who dealt with giant, human eating monsters with precise efficiency and zero fear. He survived a goddamn war, he made it out of the bloody apocalypse. There was no reason for him to be nervous about anything, especially not about this.
After all, it was just Hange, weird, quirky Hange who knew him inside out, far better than he knew himself.
And after the awful war and years of yearning for each other, after Hange had whispered a confession to him during one of the many nights she spent in hospital with him, after she confirmed that yes, she loved him, his feelings were very much reciprocated, they always were, taking their relationship to a next stage was only natural, wasn't it?
Besides, it wasn't like he hadn't think about it, he dreamed about it, albeit briefly, in the rare times when their lives weren't in mortal danger and the fate of the whole world wasn't resting on their shoulders.
And he thought about it - about Hange and things he wished they were allowed to do - a lot, a truly embarrassing amount of time, actually.
He thought, he dreamed, he fantasied about it, but now that he had an actual Hange in front of him, and not an image from one of his numerous wet dreams, he wasn't sure how to proceed.
"We don't have to do it, you know," Hange gently whispered in his ear. Damn her and her ability to read him like an open book. Levi did his best to school his expression into something neutral, to hide his nervousness from her. But, of course, he could never hide, not from Hange. "We can wait, or we can just forget it and never bring it up ever again."
Hange was already half-undressed and she was already laying on top of him. And yet, she was ready to backtrack, his comfort was, as always, her main priority.
However, Hange's comfort was his main priority too, and Levi wanted to make her feel good, not just with awkward words and cups of tea. He could see that Hange wanted to do it, to become incredibly close in more than just metaphorical sense, he wanted it to, he was determined to commit to it, but...
"Let's take it slowly, alright?" he murmured, moving his hands to her naked hips. He started rubbing them in circular motions, and Hange smiled, enjoying the gentle caress.
"Then..." she watched him closely, searching for any sign of discomfort. "Will it be okay if I kiss you?"
Levi gave a small nod, and Hange leaned in, pressing her lips against his. It was awkward at first, their noses nearly collided, but Hange tilted her head just so, and slowly deepened the kiss, turning it into something more than just a chaste touch.
"Is it okay?" she repeated, as her tongue licked at his lips.
Was it okay? Already, it was much better than simply okay. But Levi could just give Hange another nod. His right hand was still on her hip, but he moved his left hand, his healthy one, to her head, entangling it into her hair.
Now, it wasn't certainly better than simply okay, and out of sudden, Levi, who had survived war and apocalypse, who had lost people and had killed people, who had no childhood and had known little to none real happiness, who was already well in his forties, now he was feeling like a teenage boy, who was lucky enough to kiss his first love.
He was not a boy anymore, but Hange still was his first and she would be his last love, and the realization that he was kissing her, that they both survived, that now they could do anything they were denied by violence and duty, and the knowledge that the world didn't need them anymore, so they could stay like this forever, exchanging kisses like a couple of careless teenagers, was enough to make his heart clench and his chest fill with love and happiness.
He wanted to pull Hange even closer, until they were one, but as he tightened his hold on her, Hange gently disentangled herself from him.
"Hey..." her palms were on his cheeks, softly caressing his skin. "Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"
And only then, when he saw the worry in her eye, Levi realized that his own eyes were wet.
Fuck.
He quickly wiped his eyes, blushing furiously. Hange just wanted to have a little bit of fun, wanted to make both of them feel good, and he started crying, like a damn emotional fool.
"It's fine, I'm fine," he assured Hange, keeping his face turned away from her. "Let's continue."
"Levi... if something bothers you, then just say so. I need to know if I did something to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me," he gruffly protested. "You did nothing wrong, you..."
How could he say it? How could he tell Hange that she was making him so happy that he was ready to weep out of simple, unbrindled joy?
"It wasn't bad tears, four-eyes," he softly mumbled. "I was just..."
Too overwhelmed, too happy, far too in love.
"Oh Levi," as always, Hange seemed to understand him without actual words. She chuckled, looking at him with so much love and adoration that it made Levi wonder how in the world did he deserve all of this. "I love you so, so much," she confessed, before she left a kiss on his forehead.
"I love you," she repeated, this time pressing a kiss to right his eyelid.
"I love you," then to the left.
"I love you," this was accompanied by a kiss to the left cheek.
"I love you," and to the right.
"You're just doing this to make me cry again," he weakly protested.
Hange didn't deny it. She also didn't stop that extremely sweet torture, and pressed her lips against the curve of his nose. "I love you."
Next, she moved to the small dimple on his chin. "I love you."
"I love you," she finished, connecting their lips again.
As they pulled apart, Levi refused to let Hange move away from him. With his hand still in her hair, he made her lean closer again, until their lips were barely touching. He gazed straight in to her eyes, letting Hange see everything - his tear-streaked face, his numerous scars and his weary soul.
Then, with his voice barely above the whisper, he let out the truth that was hidden inside him for far too long.
"I love you too. More than anything."
This time, tears started to brim in the corner of Hange's only eye. She gave him a brief, weak nod, and then pressed her forehead against his, deeply inhaling his scent.
They stayed like that for a while, a long, peaceful while.
But then, when the silence stretched for far too long and Hange's loving gaze started to make him want to cry again, Levi softly nudged her, scoffing Impatiently.
"Can we continue? Before I make a complete embarrassment of myself again?"
"So impatient," Hange snickered.
She leaned back, her hands moving over his body. They traveled down his neck, across his chest, around his stomach, until...
"Oh," Hange's eye widened. "You are impatient. I didn't just make you cry, eh?"
God, was Hange on a quest to make him as red as humanly possible? Because she certainly excelled at it.
Levi quickly learnt that this wasn't the only thing Hange excelled at, and when she touched the noticeable bulge on his pants, Levi whined and backed up his hips.
Hange grinned, almost wolfishly. Levi gulped, feeling like he had just witnessed the creation of horrible, sex-addicted monster.
"Firstly, we have to take this off," she narrated, as she helped him out of his pants and underwear. Once his cock was freed, Hange wrapped her hand around it, moving it up and down his length in a quick, fluid motions.
When she leaned down, her lips hovering above his dick, Levi almost choked.
"No!" he pulled her away, his movement nearly panicked.
"No?" Hange raised her eyebrows, looking extremely confused. "I thought the men enjoy it..."
"We do, I do," Levi assured her quickly. "But..." there it was again, that damn embarrassment. "If you do this now, I'm not sure I'll be able to last for long."
"Oh..." Hange's face lightened up with understanding. "Alright, that's for another time then."
The backhand promise made heat gather deep in his stomach. Levi wetted his lips, his throat suddenly too dry.
"Hange..." he husked, lifting up his arm. "Since I'm already naked..."
"Of course," she smiled, and before he could finish his sentence, she already took off her bra. Almost immediately, she raised her hips to get rid of her panties, and Levi took a deep breath.
He thought he had seen everything this world had to offer - he had seen the vast blue sky, the bright sun, the glistening sea... But none of it, absolutely nothing, could compare to the beauty that was Hange.
Her tan skin, even with all the scars and burn marks, was perfect and soft. Her hair, although shorter than before, was still just as rich in color and shiny. Her eye held the infinite amount of warmth and intelligence. Her body was still that of a seasoned soldier, lean and muscled and strong.
Levi wanted to touch every part of her, to lavish it with love, to praise and worship it. Well, as Hange had said... that was for another time.
While he was so lost in watching her, Hange had already climbed on top of him again. Now, she took his dick in her hand and started to slowly lower herself on it. Her breath quickened and she was frowning slightly. Levi felt worry come alive inside him.
"Hange?" he carefully asked. "Can I... help with something?"
Her frown disappeared, taken over by a loving smile. She took his hand in hers, maneuvering it between her legs.
"You can touch me here," she said, pressing his fingers against her hardening clit. Levi did as Hange had told, and started to circle it, slowly at first, but growing bolder when he saw that Hange was enjoying it.
Deciding to take the initiative, Levi put his other hand on her breast, massaging her nipple softly. Hange gasped at the sudden contact and let out a little moan.
Encouraged, Levi continued his ministrations.
Finally, Hange fitted all of his length inside her.
"Good?" she asked in between pants.
Good? Hange was so warm, so wet and so tight, Levi didn't even know that something so simple could feel that fantastic. And then Hange started to move, simply lifted her hips to lower herself onto him once again, and Levi had to bite back a groan, a long, embarrassingly satisfied groan.
"Is it..." he huffed, as her next movement knocked all air out of him. "Is it just as good for you?"
"It's amazing," Hange answered, just as breathlessly. "You... you're amazing, Levi."
His strokes against her clit became more purposeful but Levi took his hand away from her chest. As soon as he did, Hange grabbed his palm, intertwining their fingers. Then, when Levi thought that it couldn't get any better, she leaned down on him and captured his lips in another sensuous kiss.
The heat in his stomach was growing and growing, nearly ready to spill.
"Hange, Hange," he puffed between the kisses. "Hange, I'm so-"
"I know," Hange swallowed all of his moans and whimpers. "I'm close too, Levi."
Another kiss and another circle around her clit, and Hange squeezed his hand almost painfully, tightening around him.
That was all it took for Levi to follow her over the edge.
Hange slipped off him and fell down next to him, burying her face into his shoulder.
"Fuck, Levi..." she softly laughed, pressing yet another kiss against his dump hair. "We should have done it sooner."
"Mm," he mumbled, too spent for anything more coherent.
"Let's stay like this," Hange pulled him closer, so his head was laying on her chest. The sound of her steady heartbeat instantly was lulling him to sleep. However, Levi couldn't allow himself to slumber just yet.
"Oi, four-eyes," he pinched her side, receiving a surprised yelp in response. "We need to shower, I feel disgusting."
Hange's eye twinkled, as she throw him a long, mischievous look. "You weren't hating it moments ago, though."
"Well, now I do," Levi started to raise up.
Hange huffed, but helped him to get up. "You never change, clean freak."
"Neither do you, four-eyes."
"A perfect couple, aren't we?" she teased.
"That we are," he agreed, grasping her hand tightly.
With Hange at his side, his heart was finally at peace.
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do You Trust Me?
Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader
Summary: When Lenora finds out she’s pregnant and another girl turns up pregnant and murdered, Arvin and Y/N take matters into their own hands.
Warnings: Violence, Murder, Sexual Assualt, Teen Pregnancy, Cursing, Mentions of Rape, Bullying, Dark Religious Themes, Talk of Abortion DO NOT READ IF THESE BOTHER YOU (Very similar things to the movie)
Word Count: 7000
A/N: So Lenora doesn’t die in this but that part is instead replaced by the Reaster girl being found dead (I named her Jeanette... I didn’t remember if they gave her a first name)
A/N 2: I know I’m writing characters that exist already but like I feel like I’m going to Hell for writing this. Any other Christians feel that way about liking the movie?
___________________________________
Secrets were hard to keep in such a small town as Coal Creek. Everyone knew everyone and if one person saw something, the whole town knew about it by next morning. That’s why Lenora had kept her secrets with Reverend Teagarden from all except you. Other than Arvin, you were her only friend in the world. It felt nice to have another girl to talk to because as much as she loved her brother, it was nothing like having a sister. Though you weren’t related, just friends from school, it was the closest thing she had.
The two of you had bonded over the harassment from boys at school. Unlike Lenora, you had no problem dishing back threats and abuse. You were more like Arvin in that sense, not always terrified that the Lord was going to smite you for defending yourself. You and Arvin were close too because of it.
The day you two met, he’d gone to pick Lenora up from school one day to find the two of you cornered out back by Dinwoodie and his boys. They called Lenora ugly, as per their daily routine, and said they wouldn’t fuck her with a bag on a her head. Tommy Matheson had a paper bag held over her face, holding her down while she squirmed.
“There ain’t nothing alive that would willingly let you touch them, Dinwoodie!” You spat while Orville Buckman held you back, his arms wrapped around your body, keeping your arms . pinned to your side, “You’re a vile thing. Hell, I’m sure a dead pig wouldn’t let you fuck it.”
Dinwoodie spun around and blew a hard smack across your face, “Lenora here ain’t much different than that. But you on the other hand, I’d take you whether you wanted it or not. I like a girl with a dirty mouth. And lucky you, I won’t make you wear the bag.”
He fisted your hair and pulled your face close to him, trying to force a kiss from you but spat in his face, a massive drip of saliva landing in his eyes and smaller particles spewed across his lips. “You nasty bi-” Gene Dinwoodie reared back, ready to hit you again when suddenly Arvin came out of nowhere, sending a solid blow straight into Gene’s face, sending him flying to the ground with a crack.
Orville let you go to go after Arvin and Tommy did the same to Lenora. You ran over to her and pulled the bag from her head, seeing evidence of her silent tears all over her face. Once you saw she was okay though, you ran over to help Arvin, who had found himself dragged to the ground by the three boys. Lenora got up too, screaming for them to stop.
“Stop!” You yelled, pulling at Gene’s arms to try and get him to stop kicking Arvin. He shoved you back harshly by the chest but you caught yourself, returning with a sharp blow to his face with your locked fist.
The enraged boy smacked you even harder than before, sending your ass to the ground with thud that you knew would leave a bruise. Your hands and knees got skinned up as you skid slightly on the pavement. Lenora kept pulling on the boys too, begging them to stop but to no avail.
“Ha, sister fucker!” The three of them called out to Arvin before leaving the three of you alone.
“Are you okay?” You asked the boy that you hadn’t met before, who was curled up in a ball on the ground and holding his stomach. He groaned in response, trying to push himself up but requiring your assistance. “Thank you for what you did back there. I’m sorry this happened.”
He stretched, flinching at the slight movement. He sent a small nod towards you but then turned towards Lenora, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Lenora.” Words couldn’t describe the guilt he felt for allowing this to happen.
“It-it’s okay, Arvin. It wasn’t that bad this time. Y/N here took the brunt of it, unfortunately.” Lenora turned to you, “‘M sorry about that, by the way. You didn’t need to step in for me.”
You had stood up about the same time Arvin did, brushing as much of the dirt off your bleeding and scraped up knees as you could without flinching, “Those guys are ass holes, Lenora. I did need to.”
Lenora piped up, “Oh, um, Y/N, this is my brother Arvin. Arvin, this is Y/N. She just moved here.”
“It’s nice to meet ya.” You greeted the boy with a pained smile, your face hurting from the blows you’d just taken.
Arvin nodded, “You too.” He paused for a moment, “Can I give you a ride home? I don’t need them boys catching up with you again on the ride home. Besides, your face is getting mighty red. I might have something back at my house to keep it from bruising up too bad.”
You looked over at Lenora, sending her a questioning look, like asking if you could trust this boy who had just come to your rescue, which may have seemed like an odd inquiry to have since he just tried to take on the guys harassing you, but your encounters with boys in this town hadn’t gone all too well thus far. The girl looked unfazed though with almost a hint of excitement that you could possibly be going to her home.
“Um, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” You tucked a messy strand of hair behind your ear before looking back up at Arvin to see that he was already staring at you.
That was months ago. You’d gotten settled into Coal Creek by now and the abuse from Dinwoodie had stopped entirely after Arvin had gone full vigilante to beat the shit out of them all. Speaking of Arvin, the day he saved you and Lenora, he asked you on a date and the pair of you had been going steady ever since. If there was ever a couple to not be fucked with, the town had learned it was you two.
This weekend, you’d gone over to the Russel’s home for supper at their Grandma’s invitation. It was delicious, as usual, as that woman had the God-given ability to produce miracles in that kitchen. As you all finished up, Uncle Earskell asked Arvin to help with something upstairs so he left without a second thought to help his kin.
Lenora had been looking at you funny all night, as if trying to catch your eye. After helping Grandma (which she insisted you call her as well) clean up supper, Lenora pulled you off to the side, “Y/N, let’s go on a walk. I need to tell you something.”
The weight in her eyes told you how serious this was so you just nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.”
She grabbed a lantern on her way out the door and towards the barn. It was already dark, despite only being seven in the evening. Lenora led you out there and then closed the door before sitting on the hay. “So what is it?” You asked nervously. Normally, you would have made a joke but something told you that this wasn’t a joking matter. Anxiety buzzed all around her.
“Y’know the new pastor? Preston Teagarden?” Lenora began, wringing her hands together and beginning to hide under her long red hair.
You nodded, the question having an obvious answer as everyone, including your God fearing Mama and Aunt, went to church every Sunday. “What about ‘im?”
“Well… um… y’see. We… we had sex.” She whispered the last word like it was the dirtiest thing she could fathom saying.
Your eyes blew wide and your mouth dropped open, “You what?” You whispered back in shock.
“Shh!” She held her finger up to her lips, “He said that to bear yourself as God made his first children was to truly turn yourself to Him.”
You were having a difficult time processing this new information. Arvin and you had both agreed that there was something off about that new preacher since the first day you met him but you wouldn’t have guessed it was anything like this. “Lenora, that makes no sense. God sees everything. He’s already seen you in your birthday suit. He doesn’t need the preacher to see it too.”
Part of you felt bad for the way you were reacting, especially when you saw the way your best friend shrunk back a little in embarrassment. Clearly, he’d manipulated her into getting what he wanted, using her faith as a weapon for her sexual exploitation, but of course she didn’t see it like that because his words were specifically tailored to get her to believe him. Now as you said these things, though, it was becoming clearer to Lenora that she had been manipulated.
“That’s not all…” She continued.
You held her arm gently, “What is it?”
Her eyes got wide with fear, “You can’t tell anyone okay? You gotta promise.” Her hand covered yours, gripping tightly to ensure that you grasped the severity of the situation.
You swallowed hard, honestly scared by her reactions to whatever was happening. This wasn’t like sweet, simple, calm Lenora. Nonetheless, you nodded, “I promise.”
“I think I’m pregnant.”
You actually choked, “What? Are you sure?” This was bad. This was so bad.
Her eyes began to well up with guilty tears, “Yeah, I am. I was pretty sick a few weeks back. Couldn’t eat nothin’ cause I kept throwin’ up. And I haven’t had that time of the month in two months.”
“Two months, Lenora? Shit…” You whispered, leaning back against the hay. Even before moving to Coal Creek, you came from a small town in Pennsylvania where this had happened to a few girls. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon in that particular town. Your daddy had been a doctor before he died so you’d seen more than a few cases of teenage pregnancy. For Lenora, though, this was practically unheard of. Good Christian girls don’t have babies before marriage. “Did you tell ‘im?”
Lenora’s breath shook, “Yeah ‘nd he said I was crazy and delusional. Just imaginin’ things. Said we never did nothin’ in the car. Then he said that I had to get rid of the baby or I’d be branded as the town whore with a bastard son. Even said it’d kill Grandma from the shame of it all if anyone found out.”
“That is not true, Lenora. None of it. You’re not a whore and it would be best for everyone if that baby inside you was a bastard. That disgusting man isn’t fit to walk the Earth we live on, let alone be a father.” It felt like the blood was rushing through your veins with full force, internally panicking about the situation. This was a big deal and, unfortunately, you weren’t sure if Lenora was emotionally capable enough to handle it alone. She’d always been quiet and lonely and an easy target for cruel people. “Are you keepin’ it?”
Her breathing shuddered as if she’d started crying, “I can’t kill the baby inside me and go on livin’ with that. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,Y/N.” Lenora threw her arms around you and you held her as her body rattled against yours.
“Shh, you got me, alright? Me and Arvin. And I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be ashamed if she knew what Teagarden did to you.” You insisted but she shook her head.
“You must think I’m stupid for believin’ that man.” She sat up wiping her eyes with her sleeve.
“No! I do not think you’re stupid at all. That monster took advantage of you, told you things to make you believe that his dirty, lustful thoughts were vindicated by the Lord. And he’s going to fucking pay.” You were furious now as you began to stand up, unsure of exactly what you’d do but you knew you were gonna do it.
Lenora grabbed your arm and pulled you back down, “No! Wait! Please-”
“What’s going on here?” Arvin opened the door with a concerned face.
Both you and Lenora jumped at his sudden intrusion but were even more nervous about what he’d heard.
“How much did you hear?” Lenora asked her brother, rubbing her hands on her thighs.
He walked in and slammed the door shut behind him, kneeling down in front of you and his sister, “That someone took advantage of you and Y/N was gonna make ‘im pay. Now what happened? What’s going on?”
This was one of the things that you’d always loved about Arvin. He had this protective nature over what he loved, ready to do anything to keep his loved ones safe, whether that was his sister, his girlfriend, or his grandmother. His brown eyes held so much sincerity and understanding for his younger sister but also fear for what had been done to her.
When she didn’t respond right away, Arvin looked over to you with questioning desperate eyes but you chewed your lip, knowing that it wasn’t your secret to tell. Instead, you looked back over to Lenora sadly and nudged her slightly.
“C-can you say? Please? I don’t wanna say it again.” Lenora begged you quietly, avoiding eye contact with Arvin. Though you could never truly know she felt, you tried to understand all the emotions that must have been running through her.
Arvin met your eyes, begging you to tell him what had happened. “She’s pregnant. It’s that Reverend Teagarden’s baby. Said that he told her that the only way to get close to God was to show him her in the form of Adam and Eve. But now he’s saying that she’s delusional and that it’s not his.”
Arvin’s temper flamed inside his chest. That explained the Reverend’s intense sermon about delusion this last Sunday. Nobody did this to his sister and got away with it. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking ki-”
“Arvin please-” Lenora tried to calm him but it was a weak attempt, still trying to stay quiet so Grandma wouldn’t notice.
“No, I’ll end his life for what he did to you.”
You watched your boyfriend reel around, hands holding onto his hat. He was livid, understandably so.
Lenora wasn’t quite sure why she wanted to protect Preston Teagarden after what he’d done to her but she thinks it’s that she was more concerned for her brother. Besides, no matter what Teagarden had done, did he really deserve to die for it?
“We don’t have to hurt him,” You spoke to your boyfriend, “If she wants, she can just have the baby and we’ll help raise it.”
“But he said it’s not his and that I’ll just be considered some no-good whore. He said it’ll kill Grandma. I don’t want to kill Grandma.” She was almost crying again at the thought of their grandmother ending up six feet under because of the shame of having her as a granddaughter.
“He said that?!” Arvin nearly yelled.
“But what if he’s right?” Lenora thought out loud, “I couldn’t live with myself if I got rid of the baby but I can’t risk killing Grandma. Maybe it would be better if I were dead-”
“No!” You and Arvin both said firmly in unison. You held her hand tight and Arvin knelt down again.
He swiped his thumb comfortingly across the back of her hands, “Don’t you ever say that. We have both already lost too damn much to lose each other too, ya hear me?”
Lenora nodded, tears falling down her cheeks when she closed her eyes.
“Why can’t we just ruin him? You can have the baby and let everyone know what he did. Everyone will know that he’s the father and it’ll destroy his life.” Arvin suggested, all of the miserable ways this could end for the man twisting his heart in sadistic pleasure.
You shook your head though, “No, they won’t. It’s different for girls in small towns like this. Doesn’t matter what happened, you’re still the dirty no good whore, even if you were raped. The man is treated like a victim for even having the inkling of an accusation brought up.” After a few minutes, you suggested, “Why don’t we run off. We’ll all go to a new town, somewhere where nobody knows none of us. We’ll tell ‘em that your husband died in the war, leaving you with the baby. I’ll go with. I’ll help you raise it.”
She shook her head, “But what about Grandma and Uncle Earskell?” She did have a point. They were both getting on in age and would need more help than they already did.
You all sat in silence for a few moments, brainstorming ideas of what to do. Eventually, Arvin looked at his sister, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”
The three of you went back to the house for the rest of the night, knowing that everyone would be getting suspicious if you were out any longer.
The three of you kept the secret quiet, barely even speaking about it to each other. You’d been doing as much research on babies in the libraries at school, which earned you quite a few disapproving looks from people who assumed that you and Arvin were expecting. You were serious when you said that you had every intention of helping Lenora and so was Arvin.
Weeks had gone by with relatively no news. Well, that’s what the town thought at least. After finding out about what the Reverend had done to Lenora, Arvin had told you about his plan to watch him.
The pair of you had spent several afternoons staked out near the church, watching as he went to the place of worship and then left at night. But then you started noticing a frequent visitor. Jeanette Reaster. The pair would drive off to a little secluded field and, sure enough, Teagarden would have his way with her. Though you couldn’t hear what was said, it was clear that they’d been praying beforehand before she submitted to him fully. Now, you knew Jeanette Reaster and, much like Lenora, she was the last person you’d imagine having premarital sex for the fear of being struck down by God. Whatever this man had said to them must have been real convincing.
“Piece of shit…” Arvin leaned forward against the steering wheel of his car while you sat beside him. You both watched on as the Reverend laid the girl down and began his assault of falsely “holy” acts.
For respect of Jeanette, you both looked away during the actual act but when you saw her ride off, Teagarden got out of his car, a bunch of fabric in his hands and sniffed them as he watched her. “That fucking perv. How does nobody know about this?” You asked, disgusted. Reaster was a good girl. She didn’t deserve this abuse.
“We know about it.” Arvin said, putting the car in reverse, “And that’s enough.”
Less than a week later, word got out that Jeanette Reaster had run off. Grandma had told Arvin and Lenora that her mother had said to her privately that Jeanette left a note saying that she was pregnant but the father refused to believe that he was the father. To spare her family the shame, she ran away and begged them to just say that they had no idea what had happened to her. That’s what her parents intended to do for their daughter’s sake but had entrusted Grandma with the secret just so they had somebody to talk to about it.
The day after she disappeared, they found her body on the side of the road just a few towns over. Nobody had any idea of what had happened except for you and Arvin. Both of you were convinced that Teagarden had murdered her to keep his secret from getting out.
The anger that was held between you and Arvin both was unparalleled. In part, you both felt partially responsible for her death. If only you’d said something, maybe you could have saved her. But neither of you even knew she was pregnant. That monster did to her exactly what he had probably planned to do to Lenora.
“We have to set things right.” Arvin said, sitting in his car one night with you in the woods, “That girl is dead and I can’t help but feel like it’s on me.” His head hung sadly, the weight of another death weighing on his heart.
You shifted sideways in the seat, your jeans rubbing against the vinyl car seats. You placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, “This is not your fault. This is the evil of a wicked man.”
“A girl is dead, Y/N. He got her pregnant and murdered her. He got Lenora pregnant and tried to convince her she was crazy. He’s taking advantage of innocent girls out here and then tying up the loose ends.” Arvin sat there, so much hurt behind his brown eyes. Then an idea dawned on him, “Do you trust me?”
The question took you off guard and it showed but you answered honestly, “Yes.”
**
Perhaps being quieter in church was for the best for this particular scenario. You’d never been as religious as the rest of your family or the rest of the town, for that matter. But this morning, you found yourself on your knees by your bedside. “Lord, please forgive the things that I am about to do. Please understand that I do this with the best intentions of protecting every other girl to cross paths with Preston Teagarden and to avenge the death of Jeanette Reaster. I pray that you please forgive Arvin as well as I know he is a man with nothing but good and love in his heart. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.”
Almost on cue, your mom knocked on the door to see you on your knees, “Arvin is out front waiting for you.” She announced with a warm smile, noticing your outfit, “You look nice, sweetie! Since when do you clean up all cute for that boy?” She teased, a loving smile on her face as you smoothed out your yellow dress that hung just below your knees. The sleeves were tight and went about halfway down your biceps. It was far from revealing with a neckline that stopped just below your collarbones but it still was tight enough to accentuate the shape of your concealed breasts. A brown belt was tied around your waist, showing off your figure.
“Yeah, well I figured that for once I might as well dress up and do something nice.” The lie slipped out smoothly despite the racing of your heart in your chest.
She pulled you in for a hug, “Well you tell Arvin that I want you back by nine tonight! I’ll be going over to Mrs. Hadderson’s for quilting today, just so you know, in case I’m not home when you get back.”
You picked up your bag and pulled her into a side hug, “Alright, Mama. Love you!” You hollered, running out the door. Arvin was dressed normally, just his blue jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked great as always.
When you slid into the passenger seat of his car, he perked up and looked over at you, “Not used to seeing you like this on any day but Sunday.” He attempted to joke but found it difficult considering what the two of you were planning on doing.
After driving a ways down the road, he asked, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this? Because I can drop you off with Lenora and I’ll take care of this myself.”
Looking over at him to see his eyes scanning your face for signs of hesitation, you placed your hand on his leg, “I’m not letting you do this alone.”
Not too deep down, Arvin felt terrible for allowing you to partake in this. Death had always seemed to follow him wherever he went; he didn’t want you to be stuck with the same curse. The two of you developed a plan but Arvin had created a backup just in case you decided you didn’t want to partake, not that he would blame you. He was terrified beyond belief himself but he’d decided that for the sake of every other girl in this town and any other one’s Teagarden had harmed in the past, he had to do this.
The only thing making him feel remotely at peace with your involvement was the fact that you weren’t actually doing the killing. You were the diversion, he was the trigger man. Arvin sighed, relenting to the fact that you were in on this, “Did you bring the rope?” He asked, eyes flicking over to you and your bag between glances at the road that moved beneath the wheels of his car.
You dug around in your little bag and pulled out a small length of rope, a weapon chosen for the lack of clean up. “Got it. You got the gun?”
Arvin pulled his denim jacket back just enough to show the handle of the Luger that once belonged to his father. This weapon was chosen for its reliability. Once you guys started, you had to finish otherwise he’d tell everyone.
Before you knew it, the tires were coming to a crunching halt on the rocky sideturn just around the corner from the church. A sudden wave of nausea came over you and you had to breathe deeply to settle it down. “You okay?” Arvin asked, reaching out for you.
You swallowed hard, “Yeah.” Sweat began to bead up on your brow as a million different images of what could happen in the next few minutes ran through your head.
Arvin watched as you zoned out on the dashboard and he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. It was the same inner conflict he’d had this morning before picking you up, when he first pocketed the gun. “Whatever happens today, I need you to know that I love you Y/N.”
You sucked a quick breath in. Neither of you had ever used the L-word before. Arvin was scared to because he’d lost so many people and the fewer people he loved, that fewer people he could lose. You had just never loved anyone romantically before and were too terrified that maybe you’d say it too early or think you felt it when you really didn’t. With Arvin, though, you knew it. “I love you too, Arvin.” You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips deeply, wanting nothing more than to stay against his skin for the rest of your lives. But, unfortunately, there was something you had to do first.
“Remember, just get him to bring you to the field. I will be there waiting. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear?” Your faces were close together, so close your foreheads almost touched, as he went over the plan one last time, trying to make sure that you knew that you were safe as long as he was around.
“I know.” You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though it was far from a grin of actual happiness.
Arvin watched as you got out of the car, leaving the small bundle of rope behind, and walked down the dirt driveway to the church. You looked just like someone that pervert would fall head over heels for. There was an innocent sway to your hips and the way you held your bag close to your body screamed insecurity, but the kind of a young girl who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. The funny thing was that this wasn’t something totally out of character for you. Sure, you had a mouth and fist that could dish as much as it could take, and yeah, you and Arvin had been together for almost half a year, but there was still a youthful innocence to you. There was still a brightness in your eyes and a pep in your step, one that hadn’t been beat down by the tragedies of life yet. It was one of the things that Arvin found most attractive about you but it was also one of the things that Preston Teagard would as well.
The doors of the church were cracked open just slightly when you approached and you could see the Reverend sitting in the pews, reading his Bible, through the gap. Taking one less final deep breath, you pressed the door open and stepped in, the heels of your little white chucks padding against the hardwood. Teagard turned around at the sound, “Why, hello, there.” He greeted warmly. It disgusted you how this man could act no different after knowing what he’d just done but the worst monsters were human.
“Uh, hi there, Reverend. I’m sorry to bother but I just needed to talk to you about something.” You began, accentuated your Appalachian drawl while trying to make your voice sound as young and innocent as you could.
He patted the pew beside him, “Well, my child, you’ve come to the right place. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
Skin crawling as you walked, you forced your feet to move towards the man and sit beside him. Right away, his arm stretched behind your shoulders as he sat uncomfortably close. At first, you avoided eye contact, “Well, um, you see, I’ve been… straying from the light and I really want to get right with God.”
This had to be the first truth you’d told anyone other than Arvin today. You felt too terrible lying in the presence of God so you’d found a way to genuinely get your feelings off your chest while still luring Teagarden into your trap.
He rubbed his chin and hummed, “The fact that you acknowledge this means you haven’t strayed too far. God always comes back to his flock, even to those little sheepies who’ve gone astray. Why don’t you tell me more.” He urged.
Your hands squeezed the strap of your bag tightly, “I… I have lustful thoughts sometimes.”
Preston was lucky he’d had a lot of practice concealing his emotions because he’d be lying if he said that those words didn’t stir something in him, “Now are these just thoughts or have you acted on them?”
“Oh, just thoughts, Reverend. I’ve never acted on any of them.” You reassured, finally meeting his eyes. They seemed to look at you with such understanding that you could see why Lenora and Jeanette had fallen for him.
He nodded in approval, “And who are these thoughts about?”
This was where you’d have to do a bit more lying, “I don’t really want to say.” You blushed bright red. You knew that Preston must have taken this as a sign that it was about him but it wasn’t. Your dirty thoughts never strayed from Arvin.
Preston looked away and then back down at you, “You’re going with that Russel boy, right?”
Silently, you nodded, not wanting to incriminate your boyfriend too much in this process of confession.
“Has he ever touched you?” Preston pressed, his body getting closer to yours inch by inch until your legs were nearly touching.
The red in your cheeks wasn’t part of the act anymore but genuine. You shook your head, “No, never.” You felt almost panicked at the question.
“Have you ever touched yourself to these thoughts?” His voice became slower, more cautious as his inquiries got riskier and riskier.
You found yourself unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore and looked back down at your shoes instead, just shaking your head, “No, I feel too weird. Like it’s a violation or somethin’.”
Preston looked away, as if considering something, before turning back to you, “Can I show you some place? I find it helps me feel closer to God when I feel like I’m goin’ astray. Perhaps I could help.”
Hook and sink. He’d fallen right into the trap. With a shy nod, you agreed sweetly, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that. Is it far?”
Teagard shook his head, “Oh no, not too far at all. But I’ll drive so we don’t have to walk.”
Getting him to drive you to the spot was just as easy as you imagined it would be. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, you noticed a car in the far distance behind you that you immediately recognized as Arvin following. Preston’s car came to a stop in the same field you’d seen him take Jeanette Reaster to a few weeks ago, facing the woods ahead.
It really was quite peaceful and would have been a pretty sight if you weren’t with a sexual predator. Again, his arm slid around your shoulders and you breathed in deeply, the intense sexual tension making you uncomfortable even though you had every intention of finishing him off before he even got a hand up your skirt.
“You said that Russel boy has never touched you. Have you ever shown him yourself?” The fact that this man had the nerve to ask you such questions disgusted you beyond belief but you kept up the facade.
“Like naked?” You clarified, seeing him nod, “No, not naked. We went to the lake one time so he saw me in my bathing suit then but that’s not exactly the same thing.”
Preston chuckled at your naivety, “No, no, not the same thing at all. You know how you’re supposed to save yourself for marriage to be right with the Lord. But there is nothing that brings you closer back to our heavenly father than to be as Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the garden of pure paradise.”
“How is that so?” You cranked up the childlike inquisitive nature as you looked up at him with big doe eyes.
Preston had to fight the urge to take you here and now, looking at you like this, but he remained strong for the sake of the process. “They were made in his image. We all were but they were his original children. The pure, unaltered image of God himself, before the sin of man tainted it all. By showing yourself in your pure, unaltered image, you bring yourself closer to the light.”
Your brows furrowed, “But didn’t you just say that premarital sex is a sin?” This may have been jeopardizing your mission but you felt inclined to point out the hypocrisy before you offed the man.
He nodded, chest falling and rising with a heavy sigh, “It depends on who you’re with. I’m a man of God myself and I like to model myself after Jesus. I’d like to think that makes me an extension of His love and power and therefore an outlet for you to feel safe to do whatever you need to do in order to be right with Him.”
With a shaky breath, you bit your lip, “Alright. H-how do I-?”
Preston watched as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt and let his mind wander to what else those fingers might be good at. “First, let us pray.” He reached over and held your hand, “Lord, Y/N is showing herself to you. See her Lord, as you made her. She presents herself to you. Give her strength. Amen.”
“Amen.” You muttered after him, your fingers slowly going to unbutton your dress. This wasn’t how you’d imagined the first time a boy seeing you in your knickers going. In your mind, it had always been on a nice romantic evening with Arvin and a selfish part of you wanted it to stay that way but then you remembered why you were doing what you were doing and sucked down the reservations. At least you weren’t actually losing your virginity to the monster.
Nervous fingers fuddled with the button for just a moment too long and Teagarden twisted sideways, hands coming to cover yours, “May I?” He offered his assistance.
Your heart thumped so loud you could hear it but you nodded silently, letting your fingers fall onto your thighs. With deftly skilled fingers, he had your blouse unbuttoned before long and had pushed it off your shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat at this much exposure, your breasts just barely concealed under only the fabric of your bra. Lord, you prayed silently, please let this be over with quickly.
Your eyes slid closed, trying to imagine that it was Arvin touching you instead of Preston Teagarden but then the mere thought of comparing the two made you sick to your stomach. They were nothing alike.
A set of chapped lips kissed your forehead gently, then your cheek, and then, finally, your lips. At first, you drew back, but still kept your eyes closed, trying to mask the disgust with untouched hesitance. You forced your body to relax again and Preston took that as a cue to continue with what he was doing, his lips returning to yours.
Wasting no time, he’d crawled over you until your back was flush against the seat. You placed your hands awkwardly and haphazardly on Preston’s shoulder’s, trying to feign inexperienced confusion. You and Arvin may not have ever gone all the way, but you’d at least gone this far.
Preston’s lips moved down your neck and your breath got caught in your throat. As much as you hated it, he knew what he was doing. This man knew all the right buttons to push to make a nervous girl submit to his every desire and, though you were well aware of the game he was playing and had zero attraction to him, the physical reactions were almost impossible to stop. Your body shuddered when his stubble, something Arvin lacked, scratched the sensitive skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes were open wide now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finally show up and save you from this situation.
Arvin approached the car and slowly and quietly as he could. The windows were up so it wasn’t too big an issue as long as he wasn’t clanging metal but he figured he didn’t want to take any chances. When approached the driver’s window, his heart wrenched and he immediately regretted putting you in this position.
Preston was on top of you, his hands roaming all around your semi-exposed chest. He knew that you’d never been exposed like that to anyone before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for allowing the first time to be with anyone beside him, let alone Preston fucking Teagard.
He expected to have to psych himself up for the actual kill, to have to convince himself to do it but when you locked eyes with him, a silent plea to get the man off of you, it came unnervingly natural. With the rope already wrapped around both of his fists, Arvin reached for the handle and threw the door open, looping the rope around Preston’s neck and dragging him back out of the car. Preston’s eyes were wide with shock and fear, “What the fuck?!” He hollered in fear, the words turning to gagging and choking. His hands grasped at the rope but Arvin had it pulled too tightly.
Preston’s body was kicking against the grass but his neck and head were pressed against Arvin’s chest, who was kneeling in the field.
“You really thought you could get away with what you did to my Lenora? To that poor Reaster girl you murdered? And then I bet you were willing to do the same to her over there too, huh?” He seethed, notioning over to you with a flick of his chin.
The reverend tried to say something, anything to defend himself or get himself out of this situation but Arvin never let up so the words came out as disgustingly graphic chokes. You crawled out of the car, not knowing what you could do to help or secure the situation but feeling useless now.
In a few minutes time, his lips had turned blue and the thrashing of his body had stopped. Arvin finally let up and the body slump into the grass. He crawled back and away from the man who had only moments ago been all over you, touching you.
That was when he remembered that you were there still. He’d gotten so blinded by rage that he almost blacked out, caught up in the task at hand. But when he looked up, his heart began to beat again and he stood up, rushing to you, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
Your face was pale and blank, almost as if you were in shock. Your top was still totally unbuttoned, white modest bra still exposed to the world but you didn’t look like you cared at all. If Arvin was being honest, this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing you topless for the first time going. He always hoped it would be romantic and with more than enough time to compliment every inch of your perfect body. Instead, you looked scared and shocked and almost like you could be sick.
“Y/N?” He urged, coming stand between you and Preston’s body, attempting to break your view of it. He reached down and began to re-button your blouse for you.
“I’m fine,” You said flatly, only moving to look up at him, “Are you okay?”
With a glance down at his knuckles, the rope burn was clear to see, but Arvin had been through much worse, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry that I let him do that. This whole idea was stupid and now-”
“No,” You interrupted, finally snapping out of your shocked state and bringing your hands up to rest on his, which were on your chest now, “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.”
Arvin didn’t actually feel remorse for killing the man. The only thing he wanted was to take you back home, or rather far away, where there weren’t any reminders of today’s events. He wanted to show you how special you were, how much he loved you, and how brave he thought you were for being willing to be Teagarden’s last victim for the better good of the world.
#the devil all the time#tdalt#tdalt fics#arvin russell#arvin russel x reader#arvin russel imagines#do you trust me?#dark fics#tom holland#tom holland imagine#tom holland one shot#tom holland x reader
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
42 just screams blind date au
It truly does and tbh It's given me the opportunity to write one of my favorite scenes from blind date au. Idk if you were expecting the cooking class scene and a touch of insecuresco (tm), but here we are. Enjoy!
42. This is where you impress me, right?
___
Seeing Bosco’s cold stare at the onion on the chopping board, Jasmine thinks the vegetable had personally wronged them.
She’d asked them “could you at least dice the onion?” throwing in, “this is where you’ll impress me with all your secret cooking knowledge, right?” before turning back to the stove, adding oil to the pan before turning the heat to medium.
But it’s as though Bosco hadn’t heard, or really wasn’t capable of hearing. The only thing keeping Bosco out of their own world was the slight glances Jasmine could see them paying the other couples, their hands and their knives practically flying compared to Bosco’s somber and still grip on the chef’s knife.
Jasmine sheds the garlic of its skin and gives it a rough chop, waiting for Bosco to follow her lead.
“Sco,” she says, though it sounds like a warning.
And Bosco breaks their languid trance, meeting Jasmine with wide eyes, grip on the knife still white knuckled.
“Are you going to chop that onion, or…”
It takes a moment, but scanning over them, Jasmine can see that something bigger is at play here. Their skin is pale, flat, like they’ve encountered some great terror that they couldn’t snark their way out of. And their breathing— it was usually punctuated by sharp laughs, especially when Jasmine had let out a groan upon seeing Bosco come up from the subway a block away from the cooking school, following their irritating joy with a dancing brow and “after you, my love” as they held the door open for Jasmine, both of them acutely aware that their meeting here was not coincidental, but rather the work of their friends and their incessant flinging of these two together.
But that was gone, and its place stands a recoiling Bosco.
When their lips finally part, they let out, voice small, body smaller, “I don’t know how…”
They set the knife down, wrapping their arms around their waist, like they could fold into themself in a moment’s notice and be eaten up by the air around them.
Jasmine settles the wooden spoon against the lip of the pan. It made sense, the more she thought about it. She’d never seen Bosco cook, and though they had espoused their abilities while they grabbed their aprons, had looked up at the instructor showing the final product and announced, “oh, it’s just fucking rice,” had hip checked Jasmine as she was gathering the vegetables, causing her to drop a squash, it was all lacking. It was as though Bosco’s confident, glossy sheen had been stripped away, leaving only something stark and matte and frankly, sad.
As annoying as Jasmine found overconfident Bosco, insecure Bosco, staring back at Jasmine with a flat little smile, just waiting to be slain by her words, was heartbreaking.
She brings her hand up, resting on their shoulder, noting the flinch as she comes closer.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Jasmine keeps herself measured, scrunching their shoulder. “Not everyone knows how to do this.”
“Everyone but me seems to be doing just fine.” It was a snap, a whip lashing against bare skin. Jasmine would be offended, if Bosco’s facade weren’t already cracked.
“Well no one ever taught you is all.” Jasmine lets her hand trail down their arm before taking up the knife. “Here, let me show you.”
With that, she rounds Bosco, settles in behind them. But as she goes to hand them the knife, she comes to the conclusion that it won’t work. She can’t see over them.
“Here, switch,” She says, though she’s already fitting herself in front of them, between their arms. “You’re stupid for being tall.”
“I’m stupid for not knowing how to chop a fucking onion,” Bosco quips back, letting out a quick breath through their nose. Jasmine’s hairs stand at attention.
She whips around, poking Bosco in the chest. “You’re not stupid, you just haven’t learned.”
So Bosco grabs the knife, Jasmine taking a deep breath before wrapping her hand around theirs. And she narrates the movements, keeping the tip of the knife on the board, the knife bobbing, cutting through the layers of the onion like a boat at sea. Once they fall into a rhythm, Bosco’s chin falls upon her shoulder, and all Jasmine can think about is how close their lips are.
It brings her back to the picnic date. To Bosco’s apartment. To Bosco’s wet leather jacket falling from her shoulders, landing in a heap. To Bosco’s harsh words and soft lips pressed against her neck. Just a turn, just a few inches of distance, and Bosco could do it again.
Caught in her thoughts, idly chopping, she doesn’t register that Bosco’s let go of the onion, wrapping their arm around Jasmine’s waist instead.
Jasmine swallows and cleans the knife with her finger, looking over the even cuts. Looking over Bosco’s fingers under hers, how cool her hand feels against all their rings, winding like silver vines.
“See,” Jasmine tries, but her voice is choked. “That wasn’t that bad. Now you could probably do it on your own.”
But as Jasmine turns to move, Bosco’s grip stays firm. Jasmine’s stomach feels hot under their touch.
“Could we maybe try one more.” Their voice had grown stronger, though Jasmine could see they were still on unsteady ground. “I, um… I still need your help.”
And when Jasmine dares turn back, glance up at their face, capture the flush of embarrassment paired with a weak smile, she nods and brings a teasing hand up to cup their cheek. “Of course, babycakes.”
The laugh Bosco lets out at the cloying nickname rang sweet in Jasmine’s ears, though it’s ruined in an instant when Bosco rolls their eyes and spins Jasmine back around.
“Don’t touch me with your onion hand.”
#the whole time i was thinking about shrek#and ogres are like onions they have layers#bosco is also like an onion#also for the fluff anon hopefully this helps a bit until i can write a thing just for you#which will likely be either the scene following this where the old people at the cooking class are calling them out for being married-ish#or like a few years in the future when they're in seattle with bosco's siblings#jasmine and bosco having already eloped#and bosco's showing off their onion cutting skills after all these years#vote now on your phones for what we'd like to see#for anon#asks answered#jasco#rpdr fanfiction#rpdr fanfic#rpdr fic#jasco blind date au
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
hold you forever → peter p.
summary: your misguided tattoo has appeared on your eighteenth birthday. however, they aren't the initials of your one and only peter parker.
warnings: angst, swears, an emotional ride, happy ending, a few suggestive references but not really.
notes: a soulmate au. prompts in bold for @rosyparkers challenge (back in aug 😔).
word count: 3.7k+ | p.p masterlist
───✦
the balmy weather outside would have been a welcoming relief for you if you didn't spend your birthday staying cooped up in your room for the past couple of hours. you had other plans; all spent with the company of your best friends and boyfriend.
maybe a little campfire at the end of the day - cooking your favourite s'mores and doing everything and anything that you deemed enjoyable. it was your day after all. but your sullen mood had gotten the best of you - the reason why brought you down almost instantly you found out. like the sky no longer seemed limitless anymore.
you should have been thankful. while your parents were out, getting decorations and preparing for the ultimate birthday you were going to have, there you were -- leaning on your bedroom door and part of your head buried between your knees, ignoring all the incoming messages and calls from anyone - especially him.
it would have been a lie if you said that you weren't expecting this; almost everyone you knew looked forward to their big day. to have a clue on who their better half would be. with that in mind, you and peter had barely mentioned soulmates before, except you both denied the concept - as really - it was just too good to be true. and instead, settled on the fact that they just simply didn't exist.
however, not a single ounce of your being succumbed to admitting it wholeheartedly. and now you were paying the price - lying to peter that, in reality, you had always been smitten with the fact that there was someone to love out there. someone destined for you. someone who could be your personal hero. but who knew that, from the very start, you were mistaken about your own? to the point you had overlooked it completely because you were that confident it was him -- peter.
your peter.
but to see - that your wrist had initials miraculously engraved on your left wrist was anything but his; it truly shook you - expecting no other than two p's. not one with the letter b next to it.
but part of you guessed the universe didn't always have the plan you wished for. and even if it meant dying without him - with nobody to take care for you, to give you the physical affection you deeply craved for -- that urgent need seemed to only be a desire at that moment. it was equal to nothing. it didn't matter at all no matter how much you wanted him.
he just wasn't yours.
it hadn't hit noon as of yet, but peter dwelled on why you hadn't texted him back, even bearing in mind that he knew you were a pretty shit texter, but the feeling of discomfort planted itself inside peter's chest.
why were you so stressed?
peter sat down on the edge of his bed, his fingers weaving through his mess of hair, pondering whether or not to come over to your apartment below his.
but if only, he thought, you knew he could feel your emotions. maybe the constant worry of letting you know that would put him at ease.
thoughts like this would always pass his mind every so often. though what always drew him back was that if he let you knew, he wouldn't want to withstand the pain and neglect of you not wanting anything this serious. even if you've already been through your whole life together since diapers. or if worse came to worse, the utter heartbreak he would feel of the image where you'd be broken all your life without a soulmate if he didn't come home after fighting crime.
that thoroughly tormented him the most no doubt.
he knew -- you knew -- that secrets, big secrets like this, weren't healthy for relationships. maybe keeping them were logical in this sense. but truthfully, how were both of you going to handle it this time?
maybe ignorance was bliss. although now that it involved you both and your whole lives ahead of you - now... you didn't think it was actually worth it.
"peter! i need you to try this new spaghetti recipe i made!" aunt may's voice rang through the apartment, completely catching peter off guard, his spidey senses being completely useless at that point as he slipped off the bed in a thud.
thankfully may didn't hear that.
before peter could think about his previous thoughts any further, he allowed himself to settle on the matter that you were busy with your parents, shoving the negative suspicions he kept in his mind. even if he could still feel the inkling that you weren't having a great time at all. he was going to visit you in an hour like you both had planned, anyway. he'll just have to wait.
──
snivelling, your hand finally seized your phone in annoyance, only to find out that it was mj calling. you wiped your nose and tears in an effort to somehow sound better on the phone, accepting the call shortly after you had a coughing fit.
the conversation started off fairly simple, talking about how you've both been lately since school ended. all until she asked you how your birthday was going. and being with mj taught you how to never have a filter with her - to speak the perfect truth - since she could already notice the way you felt because of her ability of being very "observant".
"like trash, mj," you began, "i'm in such a mess."
mj's eyebrows creased as she replied, "why's that? did you buy the wrong outfit? 'cause i can come over-"
you were quick to intervene, "no no." your head dropped down to look at your unclothed wrist. you confessed, "i... have a... tattoo."
"and?" she probed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. maybe sometimes you were a little dramatic, "what's so bad about that? didn't you want peter to be your soulmate?"
you bit your lip to stop yourself from the tears from falling, squeezing your eyes shut as you said, "he isn't. that's what my problem is. it says pb."
"oh whatever," she gave in, rolling her eyes even if you didn't see her. mj would always say that she thinks that you and peter were made for each other - in more aspects than one. and to think you'd say that, she didn't think she heard right.
but her dismissiveness seemed to have made you whimper. it wasn't helping since no one could convince you otherwise when the biggest, most obscure, obstacle was right on your body. instantly, when mj had heard it, she maintained in a soft voice, "come on, y/n, don't say that."
"no i can't, mj. i can't let this slide," you choked back a sob. "i genuinely thought we had our whole life planned ahead of us. there was so much more to what we had. i love him. i love him so fucking much," you stressed, attempting to hide your sniffles,
"it hurts," you continued to lament, "hurts to know that it's not him that i won't spend the rest of my life with. i want him. i've fallen too hard for peter that it slipped out of my mind totally whether or not he would be my soulmate from the very start."
a silence fell over the phone, giving you time to wipe the tears that escaped. even though it was no use since your eyes had welled up again. mj spoke up, "you sure it's not a p?"
"no mj, it's clear that it's a fucking b."
"upside down, maybe?"
"still would be pb, wouldn't it, michelle?"
"you mean qd, right?" she corrected before snorting, suppressing her laugh as she realised, "ha, what if it's peanut butter?"
you wanted to laugh, in an aim to ease the tension, but there was a tightening in your throat that forced you take in a short breath.
rather than a snarky comment, mj tried to be understanding even if she couldn't relate; that in all fairness, falling in love with someone who wasn't destined for you was really a tricky situation. you hear a sigh on the phone, "could be a misunderstanding, girl. peter's not turned 18 yet, you'll have to wait a little longer, a month to be precise, to see if your initials are on his wrist."
"what? is this a three way to you?" you deadpanned and mj couldn't help chuckling loudly at that, "and if they aren't?"
your best friend knew how much he meant to you; the love you had practically radiated from one another. although mj had a soulmate of her own, she was well aware of how strong the connection between you and peter was. she never tried to dictate your relationship; all she could do was suggest what was best for you.
"look, y/n, i love you. and if i haven't stressed that enough throughout the time that we've known each other, i'm sorry." you heard another sigh. "but i ain't kidding when i say that you can always be friends."
friends.
just... friends?
she went on, "your life doesn't revolve around a man. it never has."
"mj, i understand you. i really fucking do. but that would apply if soulmates didn't exist!" you almost shouted over the phone, again realising that it was her time that you were wasting, "no, sorry, i mean. sorry for shouting."
you lowered your tone to sound less harsher, but mj could still hear your voice edging whilst you spoke, "but i honestly wouldn't have cared this much if i never felt the fucking pain he has. the falling bricks that lands on him when he's neck on neck with some next-level bitch, his sadness over his uncle every so often, or even when everyone asks him about tony. and to add to that already, the constant stress of college overwhelming him - all of it."
you breathed a sigh of exasperation to calm yourself down.
"and you fully well know the amount of times i've screamed for no reason when peter was out at night patrolling when we studied together."
"yeah, my mom really thought we had something going on between us."
you tried not to chuckle. "it doesn't make sense," you finalised, "we may have gone through our whole childhood together, but this -- it's different. this tattoo- it- it makes no sense and it's affecting me so much. the reason why i'm not balling my eyes out and screaming right now is because peter somehow feels happy at the moment."
"so, why are you worrying?" she countered.
you smacked your head. the sound was that harsh that even michelle had heard it over the phone, "ouch, that must've hurt." but she dismissed the comment as quick as she muttered it, "you know he's happy because it's your birthday."
that had completely slipped your mind. on its own accord, your bottom lip trembled, voice coming out as a whisper, "yeah. but he's always happy on my birthday."
"maybe you just know him because you've always been together?" she suggested to you, "sometimes that just happens, right?"
but by that point, mj didn't fully take on board the situation. all of it being very confusing, just like how you were. and she decided that you had better go to him to sort things out instead of you mulling it over and doing absolutely nothing.
"yeah, you're right," you exhale, the tears no longer flowing down your cheeks as you took into consideration her advice ─ you were going to tell him that you couldn't see each other any more like this.
because, really, peter didn't deserve an unfair relationship with you - you'd rather have it end now to get over him. besides, it was selfish of you to keep him to yourself - leading him on like this. wasn't it best to let the people who were most dearest to you go anyway?
──
as you stood there in front of the door of the parker apartment, pensive, you already knew that you weren't ready for this. sweaty palms, jittery nerves, a blurred subconscious - you had it all. moreover, you had been so consumed in your own bubble that you had forgotten to wear shoes.
fingers tangling with each other, you became familiar with the feeling of instant regret surfacing and bubbling your insides. many passersby gave you weird looks as to why you just stood there.
no. you simply weren't going to tell him yet. not today. save it for another day, right? that way you don't have to cry in front of peter and his aunt-
"fuck it," you muttered under your breath, but before you wrapped your hand to knock on the door, someone had opened it - revealing a smiley peter. in a heartbeat, taking in your red eyes, his smile dropped. and all of a sudden your heart felt heavier than it did before; the emotions locked up and weighing you down massively.
were you really going to go through with this?
he opened the door fully, gesturing for you to come inside and you hesitantly stepped in, the whiff of freshly-made tomato sauce enveloping your senses. it smelt heavenly.
"are you okay, y/n?" peter spoke up, stepping just a little closer and coming to a stop as he noticed your red eyes, "why've you been crying?"
in hopelessness, you looked down at your socks, the same pair you had borrowed from peter in fact, and back at his face - worry etched clearly in his expression. the air of despondency made peter uncomfortable and your silence told him he wasn't going to like where this was going.
eventually, you realised if you didn't speak, the void of sound would have laid bare any conversation, and you didn't really come for that. so, you answered, "i- have to apologise."
his eyebrows raised and he thought the worst was to come, but his whole heart and mind trusted you; you couldn't hurt him. but you did with the next few words,
"we can't, pete," your eyes bore into his soft, brown ones , "i can't see you like this, anymore," and peter could hear your heart accelerating at such an alarming rate; generally meaning that you were scared of something.
he questioned, "what do you mean? have i done anyth-?"
"-no," you interrupted him, the words coming out more strangled as you said them, "we have to break up."
"wait. hold up. on your birthday? you're breaking up with me right now? don't i deserve an explanation at least?"
"i-," you paused, asking yourself, did you? no, in reality, you didn't. but your mouth never really cooperated with your brain as you went with, "i don't think a relationship is right for us right now, because you've been so busy with patrol, and- and-"
"-i've always made time for you," his voice broke, "this doesn't add up."
the way you sounded quite stupid didn't please you the slightest bit as you replied, cursing yourself for using the high school musical reference, "we just have to go our own way now, pete. i'm tired of these games."
you toyed with your sleeves as you let the painful words out, utterly lost in your emotion, when immediately, (you were glad the door was shut) you heard aunt may screaming,
"peter benjamin parker!" the woman's cry startled you, "get up here right now!your room is in an absolute tip."
at the same time, the back of your mind thought about the use of his middle name. although, you figured it was the best time to leave, blinking your eyes harshly to stop the threatening tears from spilling - it could possibly be the last time you stepped in here.
peter ignored his aunt, as much as he knew it was wrong to, but his eyes never moved away from your face - glazing over with tears whilst he got to take in what he could. were you actually leaving?
you finally forced yourself to look away from him. even as you sniffled to turn away to the door, peter watched you go, not believing that this was happening.
still his hand reached out to grasp your left hand, savouring the possibly final touch of your skin with his.
but what you failed to remember was about the ink decorated on your wrist. now, your sleeve of your jumper had ridden up because he clutched your hand tightly, not letting go, and peter looked down to appreciate how your hand fit with his so perfectly.
and then he saw it.
your line of vision was directed towards the picture hung up near the door frame, completely clueless on what peter was seeing. a picture of you and him at the homecoming dance (taken by ned) displaying the first kiss of many shared between you two on the canvas.
you felt peter let go of you. but you didn't expect him to ask you,
"do you believe in soulmates?"
anxious, your head whipped around to look at him narrow-eyed, "no," you lied through your teeth, hoping he wouldn't notice. but peter didn't assess your face as he was more bothered about your response.
he knew well that it was his initials on your wrist. yeah, it might not have been pp but benjamin was also his middle name. all in all, it finally was clear to him why he could feel what you felt.
"oh, well," peter choked, becoming glassy eyed ─ not wanting to proceed by saying the upcoming words. yet he couldn't live with the fact that if you didn't know he was, indeed, your soulmate, he probably would never forgive himself if you let go out of his grasp. even though you probably were going to, he wanted to let you know at least.
but who was he kidding? he needed you for crying out loud. with that, he continued, "that's a shame because i'm it." at long last he confessed,
"i'm your soulmate."
your face washed blank with confusion, like the cogs in your brain couldn't turn fast enough to take in the information from what peter had just informed you with.
"peter b-!"
every muscle of your body just froze, trying to process his words still, as aunt may descended from the stairs, arriving on the landing in frustration. even then, you could tell she was still seething. but due to the fact she saw you in the doorway, at once she regained her composure.
and it clicked.
how on earth could you have forgotten peter's middle name?
may gave you both a tight-lipped smile, already wishing that she wasn't there to invade your privacy. it was evident with the quietness between you two. and the distress on peter's face showed how important the discussion you were having was.
"i'll go," she disclosed, before turning to peter, "and you better sort the filth in your room, young man," then, pivoted slightly to face you, "you may go into the kitchen, y/n, and grab anything you want. i have spaghetti!"
soon enough, may had gone. whilst peter dreaded your departure, you raised up the cuff of your sweater, making known the tattoo that was marked down underneath.
he gulped at the moment you edged nearer to him, and you lifted your head, a smile slowly appearing on your face at him, baring your teeth. the bliss you felt emitted easily towards peter because of the close proximity, instantly flexing the muscles in the apples of his cheeks as the corners of his mouth turned upwards.
you feel your cheeks heating up, affirming and crunching your nose up in attempt to hide your embarrassment, "you're mine."
"i'm yours," he confirmed, a grin spreading on his face, "bet you feel like a right dumb ass,"
you moaned childlishly, "fuck you, peterrr." elongating his name as your head fell into the nape of his neck.
the clear and resonant sound of his laugh reached your ears, the vibrations of his chest growing stronger against your own as you hugged him. eventually, peter calmed down, brushing his lips on your neck, then saying through a chuckle, "will do, baby. gotta wait a while."
if it was even possible, your face felt all the more warmer. meanwhile, you revelled in his embrace -- and so did he, almost afraid to release your hold again.
you murmured quietly to him, "i love you, pete. i'm so sorry 'bout what i said. you patrolling doesn't affect me at all and-"
peter's finger reaches your lips to hush you, "-and i love, i love, i love you," he cut in, already aware that what was said prior were just excuses. he didn't blame you for being forgetful about his full name; but he would come to that matter some time later.
you beamed up at him when he said that, catching his focus. and it seemed like the world fell away. like nobody but you two existed.
your nose touched his, peter's hand trailing across your arm to your wrist, wrapping it around your own. the tingle you felt now that his touch rested there gave you the best feeling you've ever had in your entire entity. he brought your hand up for both of you to admire - to see that the letters were more prominent than ever.
and upon seeing this, peter planted a deep kiss on it - making you throw your head back in laughter at the way it felt. almost ticklish, but this was a good kind - where you wanted nothing but more.
after a couple of moments, you piped up, pursing your lips up at him, "i have to apologise to mj for the shit i came out with. i really wasted her time," you said, sadly.
"oh, fuck," his head tilted backwards, thereafter complaining, "mj knows already? before me?"
"yeah?" you replied confused.
"i wanted to do a surprise, show our tattoos together the next time we meet or something," he pouted.
"awh, don't worry, pete," your hand stroked his cheek, taking in the softness of his skin. peter melted against the texture of your fingertips, enamoured by the tenderness and affection.
you pursued, "we've got forever to show to everyone that we belong to each other." and your head tilted to gaze at him in content, whispering,
"never forget that i'll be the one to hold you forever."
───✦
#peter parker#peterparker#peter parker tom holland#peter parker imagines#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker fluff#peter parker smut#peter parker x reader#peter parker x you#peter parker x y/n#peter parker soulmate au#peter parker fic#tom holland#tom holland fanfic#tom holland fluff#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland smut#tomholland#tom holland preference#tom holland fic#tom holland blurb#spiderman#spiderman x reader#marvel#mcu#spider-man#spider-man imagine#tony stark#peter parker preference#*
545 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Pursuit of Two Left Feet Ch 1 - Anderperry
Hello! I started a cute anderperry fic that includes dancing and sneaking out to an underground swing dance club. Thank you @poetrusicperry for the idea! This is the first part out of two. You can also read this on ao3 here. Enjoy! :)
Part 2
~
“Charlie, no.”
“Charlie, yes!”
Neil rolls his eyes in exasperation, convinced that his best friend has finally lost his mind. “How the hell do you think we could get away with this? It’s one thing to sneak out to the cave, but another to sneak out into town!”
“Neil, you doubt my abilities, it’ll be fine! Meeks is a genius, and he can help me work the whole thing out,” Charlie says, trying to appease him.
“So you don’t even have a plan?” Neil asks incredulously.
Charlie leans over conspiratorially. “Yet,” he says with a wink.
“Well let me know what you come up with, it’ll be a good laugh.”
“You bet. Later, party pooper.”
Neil huffs and shuts the door, walking over to his closet to grab his night clothes.
“So uh… what was Charlie on about this time?” Todd asks from his bed, closing the book he was reading.
“Something totally ridiculous,” Neil says.
Neil realizes from Todd’s silence that his paranoia is creeping in, assuming that Neil’s vague answer is him not wanting to fill Todd in on their conversation. Hastily, he turns to look at Todd and gives him a reassuring smile.
“He wants us all to sneak out and go dancing at a club in town. But there’s no way we could pull that off,” he explains.
He watches as Todd’s body relaxes at his words, the tension leaving his features to form a shy smile. “I don't know… Charlie somehow always finds a way,” he says, holding Neil’s gaze for a moment before returning to his book.
Neil laughs, beginning to unbutton his shirt. “So far he has, but one day he’s bound to get caught. I’m all for mischief, but I think this is pushing it.”
“Since when does Charlie not push anything?”
“You always make a great point,” Neil says fondly, rushing over to ruffle Todd’s hair before he can stop him.
Neil finishes changing and leaps onto his bed, landing on his back with a relieved sigh, the weight of the day leaving his body. Today Neil was moving nonstop with soccer practice, math club, and chemistry club that he hasn’t had a moment to breathe in the last 13 hours.
Neil turns his head towards Todd to glance at the cover of his book. He instantly recognizes it as Fahrenheit 451, which is a book he’s been wanting to read but never dared to buy in fear of his father finding it. He’s afraid of Neil ever discovering new ideas, diverting from the cut path he’s had him set on since birth. His father would be disappointed to know that Neil has been forming his own beliefs and sentiments for a long time now. He refuses to live a meaningless life, void of passion and love. But, he doesn’t want to create suspicion, so he doesn’t discuss anything that his father could potentially disapprove of.
“So, are you gonna go?” Todd asks.
“As if I have a choice. If I thought for even a second Charlie would let me get out of it, I’d be the dumbest person on the planet.”
Todd lets out a beautiful, warm laugh, his eyes wrinkling into a bright smile. It’s rare Neil gets to see it, and he’s grateful every single time he does.
“Are you?”
Todd falters, his smile falling slightly. Neil’s heart hurts at the sight. “Well... am I… invited?”
“Todd, of course you are,” Neil says gently, knowing that sometimes Todd needs reassurance.
“Then, uh, yeah I’m coming,” Todd says, his voice shaking slightly.
He knows what a big deal it is that Todd is willing to break the rules to be included, and he’s glad that he’s starting to feel like he truly belongs.
Neil has always loved dancing—almost as much as acting. Letting your body move to the beat of the music, allowing the sound to fill you and set your mind free, all the thoughts and obligations draining out of you. He feels light, like no worries or obligations ever existed in the first place. So of course at the sound of Charlie’s idea, his heart sings at the opportunity to go, but he knows if he got caught that would be his father’s last straw. He can’t risk his father pulling him out to send him to military school, away from the few things, or people, who are vital parts of his life.
He loves his poets more than anything, talking to them is his favorite part of any day. Charlie is his best friend, without his crude jokes and lawless energy, school would be utterly dull. Mr. Keating is the reason Neil feels inspired, like he has a chance at living a fulfilling life. The hope that had once been squashed down into nothing by his father was taking root once again, the weed never having been truly destroyed. However, Neil doesn’t know how he’s going to do it—betray his father and live the life he desires—but the thought that he will one day is what keeps him going.
And Todd. Todd is everything. He’s the air he breathes, the light shining through the murky tunnel, and the monologue to his play in an empty crowd. If he never got to see Todd’s furrowed brows while deep in thought, or his bright, infectious smile again, Neil’s world would crumble on top of him, leaving him to suffocate, entrapped in everlasting misery.
Neil envisions stepping onto a crowded dance floor with Todd’s hand in his, his heart swelling with joy. He hears Etta James’ “At Last” filling the room, the sound of the violin strumming the chords of his heart as they sway together. This picture makes Neil yearn for the opportunity to go dancing with the poets, but he knows it's only a mere fantasy, and nothing more.
At the mention of this, however, Charlie wasn’t willing to accept that; he doesn’t understand that it’s just not doable, it’s out of reach. The town is too far, they would never make it back to the school before a teacher discovered their absences. Once he said it, Charlie wouldn’t let it go, and Neil had to grudgingly accept that it had officially been put in motion.
“Good. Let’s just hope Charlie doesn’t fuck it up,” Neil says, settling into bed.
Todd laughs and moves to set his book aside but Neil stops him. “No it’s okay, I’m so tired I could fall asleep through Charlie’s snores right now. Keep reading.” Neil finishes with a mumble, turning toward the wall.
“…Y-you sure?” He asks hesitantly.
“Of course, don’t be silly. Good night Todd,” Neil murmurs, already beginning to doze off.
“Good night, Neil,” Todd says softly, his voice. A few seconds go by and Neil can sense the light of the room behind his eyelids, and he smiles to himself. It’s good to see Todd doing more things for himself, not sacrificing every bit of himself for the sake of others. It makes Neil’s heart full, knowing Todd is finally coming into himself, growing to be the person Neil always saw inside him that was crying to be let out into the world.
Neil quickly falls asleep, the image of swinging Todd around the dance floor, his untamable laughter echoing through the room filling his thoughts.
***
Neil’s studying Chemistry in his room when Charlie barges in, a dangerous grin spread across his face. Neil shudders, knowing that expression all too well.
Charlie settles himself on Neil’s bed, leaning his head back on his hands with one leg crossed over the other. “We’ve got ourselves a full-proof plan.”
Neil scoffs, disbelieving. “Yeah right. It hasn’t even been a full day.”
“Well, it just shows you we’re that good,” Charlie says smugly.
“Or, you’re too sloppy, missing some of the potential obstacles,” Neil says shortly, looking back down at his book.
“Not in this case! All of those have been strategically avoided. We’re all set to go this weekend!” He affirms.
“So, aren’t you going to tell me all about your ingenious plan?”
Charlie laughs. “No, because you’ll obsess over it trying to find a mistake. And there’s no need to, because it’ll work out.”
“Like the time you broke into Nolan’s office and left rotten eggs only for him to have seen you walk right out of the door?” Neil says, raising an incredulous eyebrow.
“That was one time!” Charlie objects. “And I was a complete amateur back then. Right now, you’re speaking to an expert of mischief.”
“Dear Lord, help us all,” Neil groans.
“Hey, Jesus didn’t assist with this plan, so he doesn’t need to be involved.”
Neil just sighs, not deigning to respond.
“So, have you planned your dance with Todd? How are you going to ask him? ‘Todd Anderson, the love of my life, will you do me the honor of dancing the night away with me?’” Charlie teases with a crooked smile.
Neil throws a pencil at him, his cheeks flushing. “Shut up, I wouldn’t ask him like that.”
“Well, you have four more days to think about it.”
“I doubt he’ll even want to,” Neil sighs.
Charlie scoffs, arching his brow. “Yeah, that's as likely as Nolan and Keating becoming lovers.”
“Thank you for that horrible image,” Neil says with a grimace, earning a laugh from Charlie.
“You’re welcome.”
Neil shakes his head, wanting to get straight to the important details. “So who’s coming along?”
“Meeks and Pitts, Todd obviously. As soon as I told Knox he could bring Chris, he was in.”
“And Cameron?” Neil asks resignedly, already knowing what his answer will be.
“As in Richard Cameron? Dick up my ass? And not the good kind,” Charlie snorts.
“Uh, yes, him. The only Cameron we know, did you ask him?” He pushes, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
Charlie huffs a laugh. “Ask him if he was dropped at birth? No, but I’ve been pretty close.”
“You know what I meant,” Neil says, looking at him firmly.
Charlie avoids his gaze, guilt flashing across his face for a moment. “No, I haven’t…”
“Charlie—”
“Nuwanda!”
Neil takes a deep breath to calm himself. “Nuwanda,” he says pointedly, to which Charlie gives an approving nod. “Come on, you gotta invite him or I will. You know I don’t like excluding anyone. It’s not right.”
“I know, I know, you’re a better person than the rest of us. I’ll mention it, letting him know that the chances we’ll get caught are very, very high—” Charlie cuts off at Neil’s reproving look. “Fine,” Charlie says with a tired, dramatic sigh. “But if he finks, it’s on you!”
“Alright that’s fine, but I really doubt he will. He has no reason to,” Neil says.
“You always give people the benefit of the doubt,” Charlie says, and Neil shrugs helplessly, unable to deny it. “But, I happen to like that about you,” Charlie finishes, grinning.
Neil rolls his eyes playfully. “Good to know, but if you want me to tell you I like how rash and rebellious you are, I’m not planning to.”
Charlie laughs as the door swings open, revealing Todd who briefly glances at the pair before walking over his desk to drop off his bag. Charlie walks over to him, placing his hands on his shoulders and shaking him lightly.
“Toddie! Ready for Friday?” Charlie asks, his excitement spilling out of him.
Todd chuckles, craning his neck to look back at Charlie. “I— yeah I am.”
Charlie whoops, giving Todd’s shoulders a final pat before bouncing back towards Neil, getting way too far into his personal space. “It’ll be fun!”
“When is anything you’re involved in not fun?” Neil asks dryly.
“That’s the spirit!” He shouts triumphantly before bounding out of the room.
“Make sure you talk to Cameron!” Neil shouts after him despite knowing Charlie most likely won’t hear him. With the amount of energy radiating off him, he’s probably halfway down the hall by now. Todd laughs softly and heads over to his bed, opening up a book as he leans his back against the wall.
Neil looks back down at his book, trying with every cell in his brain to comprehend the material. It’s been much more difficult lately to study as the pressure of finals looms over him and the voice of his father invading his mind, telling him he’s not working hard enough. He’s been trying to overcompensate by spending more of his time focusing on his studies, but so far Neil has felt more exhausted than ever, almost falling asleep on his textbook a few times this past week. Charlie caught him after the third time, insisting that it was enough and Neil needed a break. But Charlie didn’t understand what it was like having a father with outrageous expectations. Neil has to put every bit of his time and energy into his studies in order to meet the bare minimum, or else his father will accuse him of slacking off.
Neil turns the page, barely remembering any of the words he just read. He can feel Todd’s stare from the bed, and he knows Todd is most likely considering saying something. He pretends not to notice, not wanting to open this can of worms with him. With just a few words, Todd can convince him of anything, and if he urges him to take a break, Neil knows he won’t be able to refuse--he’ll fold like a deck of cards. But he can’t afford that right now, so he doesn’t budge.
After a few moments, Todd turns away and grabs his book from the nightstand to continue reading. Neil is conflicted, part of him glad Todd didn’t press the issue while the other aches for him to say something, anything to pull him out of this state of mind.
They stay like that for a while—Neil loses track of the time—and then, Todd breaks the silence.
“So, uh, I think Meeks is having a study group for Latin tonight. Are you coming?” He asks, closing the book he was reading.
“I don’t know… I think I’m gonna skip out on it,” Neil says, ruefully.
Todd pauses. “Why?”
“I gotta do some history,” he lies, keeping his head down to avoid Todd’s eyes.
“B-but we just had a test yesterday, we haven’t learned anything new. And you always go to the study groups.”
“Well, I’m just trying to get ahead.”
Todd makes a noise of disappointment that pains him. “But—”
“Todd,” Neil cuts in, harsher than he intended, “just, drop it. Please.”
Todd doesn't respond, returning to his book silently. Neil feels awful talking to him like that, so dismissive. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it to himself, but he feels out of control. It’s like the words are coming out for him, the flood bypassing the barriers he’s placed in his mind.
After a while, Todd gets up to go meet up with the other Poets, grabbing his books and putting them in his bag. He hears Todd hesitate at the door before leaving, presumably deciding not to bother Neil again.
The second the door shuts, a wave of guild floods over Neil, settling in his chest. He rests his head in his hands, trying to take deep breaths.
It’s fine. He’s too busy for study groups right now, it’s not a big deal. There will always be more. He’s not avoiding his friends because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. Neil just needs to focus on his own studies right now, to make his father proud. After a few seconds, he lifts his head and gets back to work, ignoring the pounding headache and the heaviness of his eyelids…
“Neil?”
Neil jolts awake, lifting his head to look around and realizing he’s still at his desk, his drool soaking into the corner of his notebook page. He sees Todd standing above him, his expression filled with concern. His brows are furrowed in that way he does when he’s trying to solve something, and he has the impulse to smooth it out with his thumb, just the gentlest touch. But the familiar, demanding voice in his head prevents him from doing that.
“Hey! How’d it go?” Neil asks, false brightness in his tone.
Todd’s face doesn’t change, still searching his features as if the answer is hidden in them. “Uh, good,” he says, breaking his gaze away and walking towards his closet. “I’m still struggling, but Meeks helped me understand it a bit better at least.”
“Oh good, I’m glad!” Neil says, forcing a cheery smile.
Neil doesn’t move from his desk as Todd shuffles around the room, getting changed for bed. As Todd is pulling his shirt off, Neil blinks back to reality, looking away to hastily pack up his things. He feels Todd’s eyes again, and Neil has to fight against the pull to meet his gaze. He puts his books on the shelf, the silence in the room stretching longer with every taken breath.
“Charlie accused me of drugging you and locking you in our room,” Todd says after a few minutes, breaking the tension filling the room.
“It’s probably because he’s more likely to do that to someone,” Neil replies, laughing faintly at the thought.
“I’m sure he’s already done it to Cameron.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Neil says with a sigh.
The silence creeps back in, louder than he’s ever heard it.
“There’s gonna be another one tomorrow night,” Todd says, his voice level with the smallest hint of hope peeking through.
“I don’t think I can go to any this week. Maybe next week,” Neil says weakly, quickly making for the bathroom to escape the awkwardness.
He hates doing this. He knows it hurts Todd and the other poets, as well as himself. But if he lets himself get distracted then he won’t make it through finals. For once, Neil just wants to make his father proud.
When he returns, the lights are out, Todd’s breathing slow and even.
***
That next night when Todd is about to leave for study group, Neil busies himself in his Latin textbook, hoping he won’t hassle him about coming along. If he does, it’ll be even harder to refuse him. He hears Todd walk toward the door when suddenly, Neil’s book is stripped away from him, slammed shut and thrown onto his bed. He looks up and Todd is standing above him, looking nervous but resolute, a fierceness in his eyes. Neil meets his gaze, bewildered.
“Todd, what—”
“We’re going for a walk.”
“But I have—”
“It’s a nice night.”
“Todd.”
“Neil,” Todd says firmly, his tone grabbing Neil’s attention. Neil stares, unable to break away from the set look on Todd’s face. One look into those warm, soft eyes is enough to make Neil forget why he insisted on studying in the first place.
“I kind of like when you tell me what to do. Tell me something else,” he says, his mouth curling upward.
Todd flushes, turning away. “N-not right now. Just put your jacket on.”
“You got it,” Neil winks, grabbing his coat and following Todd out the door.
Together, they walk down the hallway and Todd leads him outside, the rush of crisp, winter air refreshing on his skin. Neil didn’t realize how suffocating his room was until now, his lungs filled by the outdoors. He feels like his mind is being pulled out of the mud, regaining his senses, his rational thoughts. Why was he cooping himself in his room?
“Thank you, I needed this,” Neil beams, feeling grateful Todd managed to drag him out here. Sometimes, Neil wonders how he managed to survive this long without Todd in his life—before this school year, just a few short months ago.
Todd nods, keeping his head towards the ground, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. He’s so adorable, Neil can’t handle it. He wishes he had the words, or the drawing skills to capture this sight forever, something he could hold onto and never let go.
“So… are we going anywhere in particular?” Neil asks, unable to help himself. His silences with Todd are always comfortable, but his curiosity is buzzing, eager to know their designation.
“Maybe,” Todd says coyly.
“Come on, Todd, you’re a poet! I know you can be more descriptive than that,” he teases.
“Y-yeah I know I can. I’m… I’m choosing not to.”
Neil’s smile gradually grows wide. “Alright, I can accept that answer. As long as you’re sure.”
“I am,” he says.
Neil laughs softly in response, his heart aching. He looks around, taking in the dark figures of the trees, listening to the whispers of night as it awakens, the faint hum of life, and feeling the gentle movement of wind caressing his skin. It feels like a dance of itself, moving to the beat of its own sound, the music of the forest.
“You know, everytime we sneak out to the cave, none of us ever actually take time to really absorb our surroundings.”
“Yeah, I think because of the chances we’ll get caught if we’re out here,” Todd says, briefly glancing upward to the sky.
Neil chuckles, “True, but we’ve been really missing out.”
“Yeah.”
They continue their trek, the sounds of their footsteps on the ground echoing around them.
“You know, I never used to like the dark, but something about the woods at this hour is so peaceful,” Neil muses, looking up at the moon shining through the trees. Todd hums in response.
“I… I’ve always liked the dark,” Todd adds after a few beats.
Neil turns to him, but can’t catch his eye as Todd is looking resolutely ahead. “Have you?” He says, the corner of his mouth quirking up.
Todd nods, “I—it was comforting…” he says reluctantly, as if more words are bubbling inside him, but he’s scared to let them out.
“I was always afraid of it as a kid. When I was in trouble, my father would put me in the coat closet to have me think about what I had done. I felt like it was eventually going to swallow me whole,“ Neil shares softly, hoping it’ll encourage Todd to speak about it.
Todd lets out a harsh breath, as he already knows how horrible Neil’s father is. Neil glances at Todd again, unable to help it, and nudges him lightly. “Why do you find it comforting?” He asks gently.
Todd keeps his eyes glued to his feet, presumably focusing on his footsteps as he considers what to say. Over the last few months, Neil has begun to catch onto Todd’s small mannerisms. When he’s anxious over an upcoming event, he’ll pick at the hems of his clothes. When he doesn’t want to say yes to something, his eyes widen in the slightest bit and he’ll look sideways, as if he’ll find a proper excuse. The one Neil finds most endearing is when he’s given a compliment, Todd bites the inside of his lip and glances downward.
“I was afraid of it too, actually,” he starts, his breath a bit shaky, “I thought there were monsters in the dark. At least, that's what some of the others at school used to say. But then one night, there was a power outage at my house. It—it happened right after my parents lectured me for not making the baseball team,” Todd pauses, taking a deep breath. Neil waits patiently, holding onto his every word dearly.
“I… I was in my room, alone, in the dark… and I realized it… it made me feel less lonely. I couldn't see the emptiness of the room. I could only hear my breath and my heartbeat. It was… calming,” he finishes in a whisper, only heard by Neil and the hush of the delicate wind.
Neil feels the breath in his lungs being snatched away, and he swallows back a sob threatening to escape him, not wanting to make Todd feel guilty for sharing about his past. Everytime Neil hears something new about Todd’s horrible childhood, his heart tears further apart. He wishes he could strip him of that pain and take it for himself, easing him of that burden.
“I can understand that,” Neil says, making an effort to keep his voice even. “Just… I hope you know you’re not alone anymore, right?”
“Y-yeah I know,” Todd says.
“Good,” Neil breathes, hoping Todd meant it.
They approach a clearing, and it’s one Neil has never seen before. It’s wide, the surrounding trees acting as a safe cocoon. The closer they get, the more he sees the flickering lights blinking through the air, dotting the open space. Fireflies.
“Here we are,” Todd says, a shy smile gracing his face.
Neil walks towards the center, spinning as he gazes around. “How did you find this place?” Neil says, feeling dizzy yet unbound, like he could fly straight to the moon without wings.
“I-I go on walks sometimes… when I need to think. One night, I saw the fireflies… and they led me here.”
“Amazing,” he says, his voice soft as a whisper, watching a firefly buzzing past him in awe. He’s never seen one so up close before, but they’re mesmerizing. Neil doesn’t want to look away.
“Y-yeah, it is.”
Neil wanders around the space, letting his body move on its own accord as his eyes follow the various glowing bodies traveling in every direction. He hums absently, the chorus of a song stuck in his head. He feels Todd’s eyes on him as he walks, and his face burns.
“‘The Twelfth of Never’?” Todd asks.
Neil stops and looks at him, the sight of Todd lit up by the scattering bugs making him weak at the knees. “Yeah, you know it?”
Todd nods. “Mhm, it… it was my favorite song a few summers back. I snuck the vinyl from Jeffey’s room and played it w-when no one was around.”
Neil takes a step towards him. “You ask how much I need you, must I explain?” he sings.
Todd’s eyes widen, his face vulnerable and open. Neil smiles warmly. “I know you’re more of a poet, Whitman, but... join me?” He asks, hopeful.
Todd blinks, looking unsure. After Neil quirks an amused smile, he gives in with a harmless eye roll. “I need you, oh my darling,” he mumbles, looking away as Neil approaches him.
“…like roses need rain.”
Once Neil is standing in front of him, he holds out his hand. “May I?”
Todd looks back at him and pauses as he notices his outstretched hand. Slowly, he reaches out his hand and places it gently in Neil’s palm, allowing him to grasp it. He leads them to the center, placing his other hand on Todd’s waist. They stare at each other for a moment before Neil starts to move his feet. He keeps the pace slow in order to give Todd time used to it, and gradually, they make circles around the clearing.
“W-where did you learn to dance?” Todd asks breathlessly, his eyes shining.
“My father made me do cotillion when I was nine. I hated everything about it except for this,” he says, his eyes focused on Todd’s expression.
“You’re really good,” Todd says with a faint laugh, fumbling to keep up. Neil tightens his grip on Todd’s waist the slightest bit, keeping him in place as they glide.
“You ask how long I’ll love you, I’ll tell you true…” Neil spins him around, eliciting a startled laugh out of Todd that makes his heart swoon.
“Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you,” Todd sings back through his giggles.
“Hold me close.” Neil dips Todd suddenly, leaning over to catch a close look at his eyes.
“Never let me go,” Todd adds, looking at Neil as if to say he means it literally.
“Oh, I’d never,” Neil smiles, holding the position for a beat longer before pulling him back up.
They go on, waltzing around the space as if the leaves are harps and the forest is a string orchestra, playing the melodic tune of the music in the expanse and beyond. Neil is so enraptured with the pure joy on Todd’s face that he hardly registers when Todd steps on his feet a few times. He’ll take all the foot pain to have Todd look at him like that.
“I'll love you till the poets run out of rhyme.”
“Until the twelfth of never and that's a long, long time,” Todd sings softly, finishing in a whisper as they slowly come to a stop. Suddenly, all the movement of the woods cease, the air stilling. Neil can feel Todd’s soft breath, feeling his head spin as Todd blinks slowly, the light making his eyes glisten. He’s absolutely, and utterly breathtaking.
Neil’s heart and every muscle of his body know what he aches to do, encouraging him to give in to the desire. The craving in his heart for months, buried under bouts of doubt and self loathing. Do it, he thinks, imploring himself to be brave, seize the day.
Then, the snap of a branch makes them jolt apart, the world returning to its place with a crack. Neil clears his throat. “Thank you for showing me this place, Todd. I really appreciate it.”
“Course,” Todd nods stiffly, averting his gaze as a blush creeps up his neck.
The pair walk back the same way they came, the atmosphere now charged with an energy between them. Neither dare to speak a word, feeling silenced by the gust of the wind.
Neil lays awake that night for hours, the vision of his lips on Todd’s coursing through his mind until he’s eventually pulled into sleep.
Part 2
#dead poets society#anderperry#todd anderson#neil perry#dps fandom#dps fic#dps#todd and neil#todd x neil#anderperry fic#anderperry fanfic#fluff
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
You Can’t Please Everyone - A Marcus Moreno Story
Author’s Note: Welcome to Part 3 of my Marcus Moreno and Doctor Iris Moreno one shot series! This wasn’t originally the one I planned on releasing today, but I was going through it last night and @autumnleaves1991-blog suggested that I write my feelings out and let it all pour into my writing. She was right, I felt so much better afterwards. Still no descriptions for what Dr. Moreno looks like, I want you to feel like you can see yourself as her <3 Thank you all for your love and encouragement, I really appreciate it.
Warnings: angst, crying, parental problems, hurt/comfort, pregnancy mentions, language
Let me know what you think, what you’d like me to write next, want to be on a tag list for this series, etc. I want to interact with you all!
Iris opened the front door, trying her best to be quiet; she didn’t want to wake the kids. If Marcus got the timing right, their girls should have just finished their bedtime routine and have settled in for the night. She took her jacket off, hanging it up in the coat closet. All she wanted was to grab a glass of wine and curl up and have a good cry. Unfortunately, being pregnant meant no alcohol, so she would soldier through with a good cry in the shower, maybe.
Her heels clacked on the stairs. She went slowly, her heart and mind weary. Both girls had their doors open a crack, the universal sign that they wanted kisses and to be tucked in by momma, too, even if she came home a bit late. The drowsy kisses and ‘I love yous’ filled her with joy, covering the ache just a little. She knew that no matter what went wrong throughout the day, she would always be coming home to two precious little girls that loved her dearly. At this point, she couldn’t even imagine life without them.
Marcus was right where she expected him to be, in bed curled up with a good book. It still blew her away every time she stopped and realized that he was hers, and she was his. Being his wife, it was bliss in every sense of the word. She hadn’t expected him to propose; how could she when his last marriage ended the way it did? Iris would have been happy to be with him forever in any way that he’d have her, but she had to admit that she had wanted to be his wife. She had changed her name as fast as humanly possible, for the thought of being Dr. Moreno filled her with pride. He had suggested keeping her last name or maybe hyphenating it after he proposed. He knew how hard she had worked to make that name worth something, and he didn’t want to take that away from her. She had appreciated the gesture, but she insisted that her work was her own, no matter her last name. She wanted to share everything with Marcus Moreno, including his last name.
The man in question looked up, giving her one of his earth-shattering smiles, the one that made her feel as if she was the center of his universe. How could she not melt when his soft brown eyes held her gaze, baring his soul to her? She loved this beautiful man with every breath she took.
He frowned when he noticed her eyes had welled with tears, leaving black mascara tracks down her cheeks. Silently, he stood up, gently unzipping her dress for her and helping her into a shirt of his that she loved to wear to bed. He knew that she would talk to him when she was ready. He would wait her out; it was better not to press her. Marcus led her into the bathroom, sitting her up on the counter while he cleaned her face with a warm washcloth and makeup remover. With each tender swipe of the washcloth, more tears fell. He could feel her shaking underneath him, the silent sobs giving way to heaving gasps.
Once he finished washing her face, he cradled her in his arms, carrying her back to their bed. He settled her on his lap, her legs straddling his hips, arms wound around his neck, face tucked in next to his own. The closer he could get to her, the better he knew she’d be able to feel. His hand snaked under the shirt, rubbing soothing circles on her back, fingers pressing patterns into her spine. He whispered words of comfort in his wife’s ear, willing her to hear what he was saying. Darling, I love you. I’m here for you; you’re not alone. Let it all out, baby. It’s okay to cry. Don’t keep it all stuffed inside; just cry it out. Missy loves you, Jules loves you, I love you. He went on and on, pouring his love and adoration into her. Eventually, her tears subsided, and she was ready to talk. She pulled back a bit so that she could look into those kind eyes of his that never judged her or made her feel less than.
“Dinner with my dad was a disaster, Marcus, it was horrible. I should’ve known it would be bad, but I was hoping that this time might be different.”
He nodded sympathetically; her relationship with her father was complicated. That man was manipulative, two-faced, selfish, and frankly a terrible parent. He had never approved of their relationship, blatantly refusing to even come to their wedding, insisting that they’d be getting a divorce at some point anyway. No matter how happy they were together, that man was always finding something to nitpick. If it wasn’t the age gap, it was the fact that Iris had stepped up and filled the spot of mother that the girls had so desperately needed. He hated their jobs, their house, the fact that they were individuals with enhanced abilities. Marcus couldn’t think of a situation where he had ever said anything positive about, well, anything.
Despite all of this, he knew that Iris still loved him, still cared about him, and desperately wanted some type of relationship with him. She was the kindest person that Marcus had ever met. Her passion for people, her ability to truly empathize with others and try to help them heal was inspiring. He had never seen anything like it. He had seen it firsthand with his girls. She poured every ounce of love and devotion into them, treating them as if she had given birth to them herself. She said time and again that there was no difference to her. They were her girls just as much as they were his, and she loved them as such. That love and care extended to her father, too, no matter how many times he hurt her.
“What did he do, honey?” he was hesitant to ask. Marcus knew that he would get mad at her father and have to rein himself in. He hated to see his wife hurting like this, and it made his blood boil. No one should cause her this much turmoil, especially someone that was her parent.
“The whole thing was just a mess from the start. Dad was giving the poor waitress a hard time the second she came to the table. You know when he acts like he’s funny, but actually, he’s just rude? He was playing that game. I tried to talk him off the ledge and get him to bring it back in a bit. You should’ve seen her face, Marcus. She was petrified. Every time she came to the table, I could see the apprehension in her eyes. I tried to make sure that I was as nice to her as humanly possible to make up for him. Jesus Marcus, he should know better. I bartended to help mom with money when she was sick, for goodness sake. I was just like that poor girl all through med school and up until I got hired at Heroics HQ. You’d think he’d be willing to consider that.”
He shook his head, placing a kiss on her forehead, not interrupting her as she spoke. He knew that Iris needed to get it all out before he chimed in.
“Then he realized that I didn’t order any wine and commented on that, and oh fuck Marcus; it just came out. I just blurted out that I wasn’t drinking because we’re having a baby. He fucking laughed at me, told me not to joke about shit like that. When he figured out that I was serious, he was furious. He told me that I made a mistake, that this baby would just tie me down. He told me that this was a sign that it was time to give up my career and commit to being a mother. I just- I can’t believe everything he said. He went on and on about how I was finally having a real kid of my own as if Missy and Jules aren’t mine, and how it was unfortunate that this baby was yours. I thought that maybe he’d be happy that he’d be excited, but it was a shit show. He didn’t ask how far along I was or anything. I don’t know why I even do this anymore, why I even hope for his approval. It’s a battle I’m never going to win, so why even try? And fuck, these pregnancy hormones are making me so goddamn emotional. I couldn’t even make it through the main course. I made up a work emergency and left. I’m hurting, I’m fucking starving, and I just want to curl up and call it a night.”
There was silence for a few moments, Iris once again hiding her face in the crook of Marcus’ shoulder. He wished he could physically take the pain away, that he could take her heart in his hands and cradle it to his chest, protecting it from everything that threatened to break it. It killed him to see her like this, and it wasn’t fair; she didn’t deserve this. It didn’t help that at 12 weeks, her pregnancy was beginning to take a toll on her. It was always tricky for enhanced individuals to carry a child, even more so when the child was also enhanced. It just made everything a bit more complicated. He hadn’t seen it up close himself before. His ex hadn’t had powers. To see Iris suffering and struggling with harsher than average symptoms tore at his heartstrings. They were both so excited to have this little one; it would just be a bit more challenging.
“Baby, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna grab a few things, get comfy okay?”
Marcus hated untangling himself from her, but he knew what might make her feel a bit better. She let out a noncommittal grunt, letting him know that she heard him. He quickly went down to the kitchen, grabbing supplies. He put everything on a tray, double-checking that he had what he needed before going back up to the bedroom. He set the tray on the bed, earning a grin from his darling wife.
“Okay, so you said you were hungry; I thought I’d grab the things you’ve been craving recently. I’ve got a bowl of butter pecan ice cream with strawberry sauce, the whipped cream from a can, and crumbled up potato chips with a side of frozen Reese’s peanut butter cups and that guava juice you started liking last week. Oh, and a grilled cheese that I made earlier and put in the fridge. I know you like them cold right now. I’m not gonna question it. I’m sorry you didn’t even get to eat anything when you went for dinner, but this might be even better.”
He settled into bed next to Iris, putting the tray on her lap. The giggle of delight that left her mouth made him feel warm inside. He watched her dig into the ice cream, telling him about the new developments that she was working on for his katanas, how she wanted to adjust the grips a certain way, and asking for his input. There she was, his wife was crawling back out of the pain and the hurt. He adored her enthusiasm for science and invention. She always had some idea or other to improve his weaponry and armor. He could listen to her passionately explaining her thoughts and ideas for the rest of his life, and he’d never get bored.
By the time she finished, the disaster of a dinner had been wholly forgotten. Marcus got up, placing the tray on the dresser. He’d deal with it in the morning. They spent another hour talking, cuddling, and holding each other tightly. After a while, he noticed that Iris began to nod off, her eyelids struggling to stay open. He adjusted their position so that they were lying down, and his love was wrapped securely in his arms. She fell into sweet slumber to the sound of Marcus murmuring sweet nothings in her ear and his hand rubbing her tummy, holding her and their baby close. She may not be able to please everyone, but she had Marcus, their two girls, and this baby. In the end, that was everything. It was all she needed.
Tag list: @autumnleaves1991-blog @madness-roses @bisexual-space-slut @dindjarindiaries @frannyzooey @cinewhore @revolution-starter @mrschiltoncat @softpedropascal @paniclana @jollyrancher87 @hdlynnslibrary @maybege @corrupt-fvcker @cyaredindjarin @magicsuperheroes @flightlessangelwings @itspdameronthings @fallingoutofthe1975 @thestreamergirl
#marcus moreno#we can be heroes#marcus moreno x reader#marcus moreno x y/n#marcus moreno x fem!reader#pedro pascal#marcus moreno fic#marcus moreno story
98 notes
·
View notes
Text
DC's Stargirl 2.06 "Summer School: Chapter Six" has aired on the CW, and I'm here to talk about it
We know from last week, as well as the description for this episode, that Cindy's new ISA and the JSA are gonna have a showdown this episode, which is super cool. And because we're about halfway through the season now, we should encounter the midpoint probably next episode but we might get some work on it in this one too (for instance, season one's midpoint was spread over episodes 7 & 8, but we also build into that with the first full assembly of the JSA in episode 6). So this is obviously an action-packed episode and it should probably have some pretty big story beats.
Is this the first time that we've seen that Yolanda is left-handed? The kid who plays Isaac is really good at this angsty, angry teen role. It looks like Beth might be still dealing with some aftereffects of the Eclipso mind-fucking from the last episode.
I can't tell if it's just because of my laptop or not, but is this episode physically darker? Like, it's less lit or has some grey tone over the whole thing? Because it looks darker to me, especially here with Artemis attacking Beth. And if that's an intentional thing, I love it. A bit of a tonal shift post-Eclipso encounter makes a lot of sense and this is a good way to show it if it's not just my laptop being weird. Also I keep hearing characters repeating themselves. The guy who owns the dump while talking to Mike, I think Beth's dad did too. Let me know if that actually happened or if my laptop was being weird.
Courtney and Pat, on the same page, leading the team. The whole group kinda slowly pulling together. I love this kind of buildup in my superhero stories.
Oop, Cindy gonna kill Mike. Rip.
A concussive blast with the Fiddle, fun. I don't think we saw Isaac's mum do that. We love new abilities. And Artemis looks actually kind of scary.
Barbara's getting desperate, trying to call Shade. And then he just shows up. Love a creepy villain. Shade teaming up with the JSA to get the diamond?
BETH! That was so cool and creative! I love her distracting Artemis with her parent's mugshots. And we're getting some real teamwork wins for Dr Midnite and Hourman already. The JSA has really come a long way from their first team-up in last seasons episode 6. This fight choreography and cinematography is just stunning. It's so much fun to watch and the cuts are clean & dynamic. This is possibly the most entertaining fight of the show so far. And the two teams really feel like they're on par with each other. Last season, with the older and much more experienced ISA, a lot of the fights felt a lot more one-sided but now it's a lot less clear.
Artemis seems clearly enhanced to me. She's what, 16, 17? I don't know if I believe that any of these characters just can smash a person through a sink like that with the strength a person that young can have built up. Admittedly, I've never tried and don't know anyone who has so maybe it's totally possible, but it feels like she's stronger and more agile than a person can be. I mean, she launched herself up from her back several feet in the air to flip and land on her feet, and we didn't see her propel herself at all. Totally badass, and totally enhanced. And we see Rick do similar things. He just punched through the toilet, launched himself backwards several feet, smashed Artemis through the urinal. All things I absolutely don't believe a person (at least not a teenager) could do without being enhanced and we know he's enhanced. It seems like they made Artemis enhanced specifically to combat Rick.
I like how the dynamic between the JSA and the two different ISA's has changed. Against the new ISA, it's clear that the JSA is the better, more experienced team just as it was with the old ISA. Like I said earlier, the two teams are clearly a lot more on par in terms of what they can do, but the fact that the JSA knows how to work as a team and has several months of experience on the ISA is really putting them over the edge. Whenever one of them takes a serious hit, another is able to swoop in long enough to let the first breathe. It's awesome to see how they've grown since their first fight together. And Cindy, knowing she's losing, attempts to gain the upper hand with the diamond, only for the Shade to show up and even things out again.
WHAT DID I SAY IN MY LAST REVIEW! I knew it, it's the midpoint baby, and just like I predicted, Cindy has officially lost the diamond. Courtney destroyed it. Obviously, we knew that Eclipso would get out eventually, but I'm taking pride in the fact that I called it being in this fight. Now, this is absolutely a terrible thing. Eclipso is now free to roam the world and the tone of the show has changed for the rest of the season. Eclipso just ripped out one of Cindy's blades. And used it to kill Isaac, omg. And then ripped his soul out, disintegrating his body in the process. Goddamn, this took a dark turn and I am loving it. And did he just kill Cindy too, or has she been locked in his own prison? Unclear but I'm guessing the latter. According to Eclipso, as he's almost murdering Shade, Shade's powers come from Eclipso's "home" and what we just watched eat Cindy looks a lot more like the hand that grabbed the original Dr Midnite in the series premier than any of Shades powers have so far. So I'm guessing that Cindy was just pulled into the same weird shadow world pocket dimension that og Midnite is in.
The Staff going dark has to be how Starman is getting pulled in. We haven't seen him since episode 1 or 2 maybe, and we know Joel McHale filmed a fair amount. Sylvester is going to show up because of this.
Y'all I think this might have been the best episode how this show overall. It truly had everything. I am so beyond excited for what's next. And we'll talk about what's next, next week with the release of DC's Stargirl 2.07 "Summer School: Chapter Seven"
#stargirl cw#hbo max stargirl#dcu stargirl#stargirl (dctv)#cw stargirl#courtney whitmore#pat dugan#yolanda montez#rick tyler#beth chapel#dc stargirl#s.t.r.i.p.e.#wildcat#hourman#dr midnite#barbara whitmore#mike dugan#cindy burman#isaac bowin#artemis crock#dc eclipso#richard swift#dc the shade#sylvester pemberton#sheep talks superheroes
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
G1+Hakyona Angel/Demon @firiare & @bmarvels
Humans have always thought themselves above other creatures even though they were merely just another species like the rest in nature. In the beginning, those with power or abilities fought against humans, but eventually gave up. They realized it was a pointless endeavor, so for the last 200,000 years, they used their magic to fade into human societies, and the ancient myths became nothing more than fairytales. Contrary to what the human societies had conjured up about ‘mythical’ creatures, the truth behind many of the stories were just that, story’s. Tales designed around them to serve a human’s purpose. A scary demon to frighten peasant subjects into submission or an angelic fairy to soothe away the fears in their hearts and offer salvation.
Life wasn’t always easy for any creature on Earth. One must learn to adapt and change, fit in and move forward. But it could be doubly difficult for a mythic creature trying to blend amongst the humans. Over time, most had developed societies within the human civilizations to watch out for their own, or gathering places where they could be their true selves. Forged bonds were also common between creatures and humans who’s loyalty were not in question. It was all meant to protect both sides, for wherever there is room for fear or misunderstanding, problems are unavoidable. Could one imagine a human being brought up to believe a demon is evil, not freaking out if suddenly they’re bf/gf said surprise, I have horns— probably wouldn’t go over well.
Hak new this well enough, he was a half demon after all. Mother was a demon and father a human who’d served in the military. But if this existence didn’t already come with struggle, his mother died during childbirth, and father during an overseas war when Hak was 4 years old. Luckily for him, a close family friend adopted him knowing full well the family’s genealogy. It was an older gentleman with no children of his own. Mundock, or grandpa Mundock raised him to blend into society. Hak turned into a very smart, athletic, capable young man who after college made a modest living working at a shipping company owned by another demon. It was a comfortable, albeit lonely life, because Hak shied away from romantic relationships.
Not that the ‘tall, dark, and handsome,’ stereotypical male couldn’t get a date if wanted to. Instead, he was afraid of falling in love only to have his heart broken if they couldn’t accept what he truly was. But his best friend Jaeha, a dragon in human form, was the opposite of Hak in many ways. Where he was quiet and naively sarcastic, Jaeha was extroverted and flirty. The man constantly tried to set him up with women. Come on, the man would admonish, let’s do a double and have some fun!
“No! No! What part of no, don’t you understand?!” Hak growled at his friend. “I’m not interested.”
“Pfft, boring grumpy ass...” Jaeha walked away from the couch where Hak was lounging with a video game. The conniving man then noticed Hak’s phone sitting on the kitchen island. Fine, he grinned to himself. ‘Time to take matters into my own hands.’
Jaeha opened the phone easily since he knew his friends password, and downloaded a popular dating app. While Hak was too engrossed in his game, he set about creating the perfect profile to lure in the women. Frankly, it wasn’t very hard. One hot profile picture, check. Bio info, stays in shape, works at a shipping company, hobbies include soccer and martial arts. Looking for, monogamous relationship with a sweet, friendly girl who is open minded. Click, send. Within minutes, the app’s inbox was receiving hits. Jaeha happily screened through them, looking for the right girl he was sure Hak would find difficult to say no to. Because despite his friend’s, ‘I don’t wanna date,’ attitude, he knew what Hak’s type was and that he was lonely.
He scrolled through profile after profile of the women messaging Hak looking at their bio’s. They ran the gamut of types, and not just in looks but demeanor from shy to scandalous. Many were obviously just interested in Hak’s appearance, and after close to 50 profiles, even Jaeha was starting to wonder if this was worth the effort.
That’s when he saw her... A pretty, fiery red head with purple eyes who’s effervescent skin and soft, innocent eyes just pulled you in. Her appearance may have caught Jaeha’s attention, but it was really her bio that solidified it. College educated, works as a primary school teacher, with a love of fantasy arts and stories. Oh, she is perfect!
Jaeha checks to make sure Hak is still focused on his game, then sends off a message to the woman.
‘Nice to meet you Yona. I noticed you’re into fantasy stuff, that’s pretty cool.’
‘Hello, nice to meet you too, Hak. Yeah, I find mythical creatures to be fascinating, so I’m always watching out for nice art or good fiction books about them.’
Jaeha grinned at the message. So far, so good. ‘It’s nice to meet someone who appreciates such things. I’ve done a little research on dragons and demons too.’
‘Really? Why demons?’
‘I think they get a bad rap in the old stories.’
‘Lol. You might be right... I don’t think angels are saints either.’
“Wow...” Jaeha mumbled out loud.
“Wow, what?” Hak looked up, questioning his friend.
Shit! “Oh, nothing. I just noticed you killed that opponent is all.”
“Oh,” Hak’s brow raised in suspicion, but he opted to go back to his game.
Jaeha breathed a sigh of relief. He would have to tell his friend the truth, but not yet. Time to go in for the kill.
‘Yona, would you do me the honor and go out on a date with me? I’d really love to get to know you more. How about this Saturday for dinner, restaurant of your choice, my treat.’
Several minutes pass by, but finally she responded. ‘Okay. Merrimans restaurant on Kilauea avenue at 6pm. Make sure to call in a reservation.’
‘Will do. See you then. Have a great rest of your day, Yona.’
‘Nice meeting you too, Hak.’
Jaeha grinned wide and walked over standing in front of his friend. “Hak, buddy, I gotta tell ya something, so turn that stupid game off!”
“No! So move your ass outta my way!”
“I got you a date.” Jaeha held the phone at arms length with the picture of Yona on the screen for Hak to see it. “Saturday, 6pm.”
“You did what?!” Hak stood up and grabbed his phone from the man’s hand, his blue eyes turning red in anger. “I told you, I’m not going out on a date!”
“Fine.” Jaeha crossed his arms over his chest, but a smug, unperturbed look still on his face. “Then you can be the bad guy and turn her down. Go ahead Hak, be the mean guy who breaks her heart.”
“You son-of-a!”
“Just look at her Hak. She’s pretty, she’s smart, and— she’s into creatures! She’s perfect for you! I’m tired of watching you moping around our apartment, you need a damn girlfriend.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“No, I’m your awesome wingman.” Jaeha winked and started to walk away. “Don’t forget to make the reservations. Details in the chat.”
“Fucking prick!” Hak groaned and plopped back onto the couch with a thud. His friend got him good this time, because he knew Hak didn’t have it in him to be mean to a girl. So, begrudgingly he started reading the woman’s profile.
Yona. ‘She’s tiny...’ okay, so, she is very attractive... and her comments about angels and demons catches his attention. No wonder Jaeha liked this one. But Hak wasn’t getting his hopes up, because finding them fascinating is still not the same as how someone would react if one were standing right in front of them. ‘Merrimans,’ at least she had good taste. He calls and sets up the reservation. “Ugh, this better turn out okay,” Hak yelled out loud enough for his roommate to hear it. “Or I’m kicking your ass dragon!”
It was four days until the fateful dinner date and he’d be fooling himself to say he wasn’t nervous, anxious to see if this girl could really be different from all the others, yet realistic that it may not turn out that way. Hak went about his work days like normal, never showing his co-workers or delivery customers anything beyond a mask of invincibility. He prided himself on never losing his cool, a behavior he’d maybe inherited from his military father. Even though inside he was a mess. Ugh! This is exactly why he avoided this area of the heart! Because in that way he was more like his mother according to gramps. His mom was a tough demon with a heart of gold who hated the idea of hurting anyone. Hak too didn’t like to let anyone down, and his respect for women came from stories about her.
What if this Yona woman liked him back but couldn’t accept his true identity? He’d break both their hearts. Maybe it would be best to let her down gently right from the beginning? This and more Hak pondered during those four days, his mind constantly calculating the options and odds. So that by Saturday morning his decision was made, right or wrong. He’ll go through with the date, but make it clear he’s not interested. Yes! That’s what he’ll do. Shield them both from future misery. Yona’s a beautiful woman, she’ll find someone better.
“Hi,” Hak stood before the hostess stand. “I have a 6pm reservation under...”
“Hak?”
A tiny female voice behind him sent a shiver right up his spine. Hak whipped around at his name, a surging sense of power titillating the nerve cells of his skin. “Yona?” The woman exuded something he’d never encountered before.
“Hello,” the woman smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Y-Yeah,” cheeks heating up, “it’s nice to meet you too. Um,” he turned back to the hostess still flustered and mind racing, “Hak, reservation for two.”
“Welcome to Merriman’s,” the hostess responded. “Please, right this way,” she gestured for the pair to follow.
Hak stepped aside and motioned for Yona to go first, then followed behind. Clearly this woman was not human, but what she was, he wasn’t sure of. Her energy was bright, soothing, and so inviting that it almost overruled his own thoughts. Was she a succubus?! What little he knew of them came from the stories, how they lured men in with their beguiling natures. Hak shook his head of those thoughts before they could be seated. Yona only came up to his chest she was so tiny, so that the idea of her being a strong demon was hard to grasp. Well, whatever she was, this date wasn’t going to be as easy to get through as he’d hoped.
The air between them was expectedly nervous. Hak couldn’t tell if Yona had figured out his nature yet, and she sure wasn’t behaving like it. To anyone around them, they simply appeared as a couple on a quiet dinner date. He did his best to stay engaged, though she initiated most of the conversations. They talked about things Hak assumed any pair would when trying to get to know each other. Family, friends, interests, but nothing overly reaching and he definitely didn’t want to just bluntly ask about creatures, not in a restaurant where they were surrounded by humans.
She was everything her dating profile had made her appear to be and more, and he felt himself being pulled in. It created a growing dilemma as the night wore on, and Hak found it more and more difficult to stick to his original plan. By the dessert round, he knew he needed to make a decision, so screw it, he’ll ask the question that could get him immediate answers.
As soon as they exit the restaurant, where no one was around, Hak launched into his question. “I’m gonna be straight with you Yona. It was actually my roommate who set this all up, not me because he thinks I need a girlfriend. A-And I’m not saying it wouldn’t be nice, but there’s things about me that—”
Yona placed a finger on his lips to hush him. “Not here. Someone might hear us.” She then took his hand, “there’s somewhere safer we can talk.”
“O-Okay...” Hak blushed both from her commandingly gentle reaction and her hand in his!! He followed quietly as she led them just a few storefronts away to another business, giving up total control like a putty in her hands. If Jaeha saw them, Hak wouldn’t hear the end of it. How the mighty demon Hak was subdued by a tiny woman...
The business itself was nothing special, just a bar from the outside. But then Yona continued inside towards the back, stopping in front of a wall. Hak watched in awe as she muttered a few words in another language and suddenly a door appeared. They went through it and that’s when Hak realized they were still in the bar, just a section reserved for creatures!
After moving them to the side, Yona turned around and giggled. “Let me see the real you, Hak,” she spoke as she dropped her own glamor and white feathery wings suddenly appeared from her back along with a yellow effervescent glow on her skin.
His eyes flashed wide in shock, but he complied with her request. Hak turned off his glamor to reveal two short, pointed black horns on his head, a long black leathery tail, and talons on his fingers.
“You’re a demon” She verified.
“And you’re an angel,” Hak breathed out. “Now I understand that comment from the chat.”
She nodded. “But I have a confession as well,” Yona confided. “I already knew you’re a demon because your friend Jaeha contacted me a couple of days ago suspicious of my remark.” She chuckled, “he really looks out for you, I hope you know he cares.”
“He’s a pain in the ass,” Hak grumbled, “but yeah, that’s why he’s also my best friend.”
“Well?” Yona placed a hand on her hip in a cocky pose. “What do you think? I know I like what I see, but what about you?”
Hak snorted a laugh. An angel... who’s not a saint, huh? This woman was intriguing for sure. “Alright, angel. You’ve got my attention.”
The sound of clapping, and a slap on his back, caused Hak to spin around, swinging at the offender. But what he found instead was his green-scaled dragon roommate.
“Whoa!” Jaeha caught Hak’s fist. “I’m just here to congratulate you buddy.”
“Damn it, slanty eyes!” Hak counter punched the man in his chest. “But... thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Jaeha laughed, “now come on!” He gathered the couple one of each side of him, and pulled them towards the dance floor. “Time to celebrate my buddy’s finally got a girlfriend!”
“I swear to hell I’m gonna kill you Dragon!”
#hakyona#hakyona AU#hak son#son hak#Yona#akatsuki no yona#hak x yona#hakyona fan fic#hakyona fan fiction#angel/demon au
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
Callisto-Rants presents...
Here's my Two Cents
Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.
[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]
Here's my Two Cents
Yarichin Bitch Club.
Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .
"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."
Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.
No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??
Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .
"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"
And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.
FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.
💀 The Gang Bangs.
💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.
💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.
💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.
💀 The High School Setting.
💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.
💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.
Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....
Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.
Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.
Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.
Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.
Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.
Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.
Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.
Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.
Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.
Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.
Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."
But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.
Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...
Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.
Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.
Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.
Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.
Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.
The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.
And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.
Take it or leave it.
#Here's Our Two Cents#Callisto Rants#yarichin b club#god i hope one day i forget this series exists#and no I don't care if there's people out there who like this series unironically y'all do you!#just wanted to rant on how i would change this story to make it less hyper sexualized 乁| ･ 〰 ･ |ㄏ#not trying to say y'all should be cancelled or something silly like that#Takashi Toono#Yuu Kashima#Kyousuke Yaguchi#Yui Tamura#Itsuki Shikatani#Toru Fujisaki#Ayato Yuri#Koshiro Itome#Keiichi Akemi#basically a huge rant post#AU where it's actually a fucking Photography Club hcs
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rachel Amber, The Broken Angel Who Demonized Herself
Fair warning, please bear with this probably incredibly **longass** (I’m not kidding it’s rlly long) analysis of one of the fandom’s most controversial disliked characters, Rachel Amber. This is just my attempt to analyze her character based on observation from BtS to LiS so by no means do you have to accept them. Productive discussions are obviously very welcomed :D
In LiS, when we asked about Rachel around campus, most of them had nothing but compliments and praises for the missing girl. She was essentially an honorary Vortex Club member who socialised with the snobs, yet she also hung out with the skater stoners and was friendly with those at the bottom of the social hierarchy. Then we see those graffiti around where it hints at Rachel’s promiscuity, debts and conflicts with other people. That’s the first sign we see that Rachel Amber isn’t as perfect as everyone was making her out to be. Afterwards we discover that Rachel was a stoner herself and into whatever drugs there were, partied harder than anyone else, promiscuous, entered a relationship with local drug dealer Frank Bowers while having a secret relationship with Psycho teacher Mark Jefferson— all while maintaining a 4.0 GPA in her studies and being considered perfect and adored by practically everyone in her school. The girl’s incredible, obviously, or maybe scary for someone to be so spread out in everything.
Rachel was a straight A student with a 4.0 GPA, an administrative assistant to the Principal, beloved by students and faculty alike, literal goddess beauty, had ambitions to be a model and study international law, daughter of the DA and was the closest to perfection anyone would ever be— so what went wrong? What made her romanticise the idea of running away from a town where everyone loves and adores her?
Because of the above.
Yes, it may sound whiny and dramatic to feel tired of being loved and being the center of attention all the time, but there’s no point to it if it’s not you who they adore, but the person you’re pretending to be— (“I was feeling angsty and reckless. Tired of living up to the perfect image everybody expects out of me.”) —especially when you have to do so much just to maintain the lie.
Throughout LiS and BtS, Rachel’s ability to get along with everyone was always mentioned. At face value she was akin to a social butterfly. She hung out with stoners regardless of their social status (skaters or the vortex club), was friendly with anyone regardless of their place in the social hierarchy (eg; Daniel/Evan/Steph/Drew/Nathan) or even to strangers others usually ignored (Samuel/Homeless lady). Like Evan said, Her friends were her friends. She wasn’t one to let peer pressure affect her relationships so she wasn’t afraid to make all those acquaintances.
However, for those who knew her closely (Chloe and Jefferson), she was referred to as a chameleon, someone who blended in with everyone and everywhere seamlessly. This was an important detail regarding who Rachel was and her intimacy with others. To be able to make that comparison, they would’ve needed to know who the person Rachel actually was underneath the masks she’d created over the years. Chloe was the first to truly see and accept her for who she was. Jefferson was the one who exploited her for it.
For most, being a social chameleon would count as a beneficial social skill if they’re subtle. So long as the person doesn’t lose themselves in the process and is able to separate their personas from their true self, it remains a skill and will be used as such.
The problem with Rachel was that it transcended beyond a skill. A social chameleon was *what* she became, and that led to losing her own sense of identity, to becoming a stranger in her own body.
We see her confiding to Chloe about this feeling in Brave New World: (“Do you think there’s a point when you’ve been acting so much that you don’t even have your own personality anymore? You’re just whatever you think other people want you to be?”) —to which Chloe tells her she does have a personality because she assumed Rachel was talking about herself. But Rachel apparently wasn’t and clarifies she was talking about her father. She then elaborates on how her father doesn’t really exist, that how he was in the principal’s office was a mere performance and then the actual truth— that she’s afraid she’ll end up like him.
No matter how you interpret that scene, the conclusion is that one of Rachel’s fears was becoming like James— someone who’s been so wrapped up in all the lies and manipulation that he no longer seemed recognisable to even his own daughter.
At that point her defence mechanism of deflection and avoidance came into play after Chloe got a little too close to home. We first see this on the train scene when they play Two Truths and a Lie. Rachel gave factual statements as opposed to Chloe who gave facts that elaborated into her personal life. At one point Chloe can ask how Rachel knew about having a distal radius fracture and It’s a very minor detail, but when she explains that it’s because she broke her wrist when she was 10, she says it extremely fast. When Chloe is about to press for more info about something personal no matter what option you choose, Rachel dismissively turns around the conversation from herself back to Chloe again.
The next time we see her deflecting is right after witnessing her father cheating. When Chloe asks about her, Rachel deflects and guilt trips her into somehow thinking she’s at fault for failing to get them wasted and then proceeds to drown her sorrows into alcohol instead of opening up. Afterwards when they find the junkyard, Rachel chooses to isolate herself from Chloe and withdraws to the corner, getting irritated if Chloe chooses to invade her space. When Chloe confronts her about her sudden moodiness, Rachel yet again deflects and shifts the attention to Chloe by essentially telling her she’s self-centred. This scene was classic Deflection 101 brought by Rachel’s defence mechanism to cope with her father’s betrayal.
Rachel uses deflection and avoidance as a defence mechanism, a habit which stems from the dynamics of the Amber family. When you have a Politician as a father whose life work is to manipulate and lie, and a Stepford Wife as a mother who wilfully acts like a servant to her husband out of sacrifice and duty— an environment of deceit and suppression of one’s feelings will be fostered. This is what shapes Rachel to be distrusting and unhealthily altruistic as we see in BtS.
And so Rachel’s deflection is driven by 2 things: mistrust (James) and her unhealthy altruism (Rose).
As a district attorney, James unfortunately carried his work persona into his personal life and can be presumed to lie to even his own family on a daily basis to the point that Rachel can tell when he’s lying: (“When your Dad is the District Attorney, I guess lying is...something you're used to.”) (Why can't you just tell me the fucking truth?! Stop lying! Stop being a politician for one fucking minute! Can’t you just be my Dad?”) What that tells us is that Rachel’s actually used to being lied at and treated with cynicism, so naturally that would make her guarded around others. Not to mention since James often exercised his professional prerogative (just recall how he spoke to Chloe and her comment about his micro-aggressions towards his own family), it’s most likely that he was also cynical towards people in general and carried that mindset forward at Rachel as well.
As for Rose, you have to really observe how she carried herself and her choice of words. A lot of people pointed out how robotic she sounded and blamed it on bad voice acting, but I think that was actually intentional. She was too mannered, too submissive and too robotic as a person. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but a lot of her personality seemed to be too... *political* for the sake of her husband’s political career. It was altruistic in the way that she sacrificed her own needs for her husband’s and was unfailingly supportive (eg; preparing dinner all by herself, *respectfully* asking James for his drink, even going so far as to excuse James for kissing Sera like wtf). Point is, Rose was the stereotypical political wife whose job was to shut up, look good and smile for her husband while he does the talking. At one point in the dinner scene when they start fighting, James even dared to say ‘Rose, let me handle this’ as if Rose’s voice was irrelevant and unimportant to the table (when he literally just got exposed for cheating lmao).
So what happens when your family environment consists of a father who actively lies and uses manipulation to twist facts, expects you to be compliant in exchange for rewards (birthday money), has the ability to read people, and a mother who does too much for someone who does the barest minimum for the family and represses herself for the sake of others? An environment of deceit and suppression will be fostered, and you develop all of their qualities, for better or worse. That’s difficult to change when your own family dynamics molded you to be that way and then reward you for it. If you recall, Rachel’s mannerisms changed completely when in front of her family and if Chloe complained about having to play the goody two shoes formal well-behaved humorless girl, Rachel would say: ‘try doing it your whole life’. So not only was she playing different roles in school but evidently at home as well.
But It’s not as if the Amber family was aware of the toxic environment they’d created. That’s just what their normal was: to be well-mannered, formal, professional, mature and well-articulated.
This is where Rachel’s social chameleon tendencies develops. Social chameleons usually have reasons for blending in when it comes to personal relationships:
1. Being liked is important for them (they value what people think of them).
2. They want to blend in so as to not stand out (they don’t like attention).
3. They’re doing it to make the other person comfortable (the needs of others come first before theirs).
Considering how Rachel was extremely popular, active in all sorts of school activities and enjoyed the attention of being the star, no. 2 is out. She confessed to wanting to stop being a social chameleon and didn’t seem to care much about Victoria’s dislike of her + she also did it to her family so no. 1 is out as well, which leaves us to no. 3— doing it for the comfort of others. In other words, because she *gave too much shit about other people all the time*.
What further supports the point of Rachel’s unhealthy altruism is what she says to Chloe at the junkyard— (“Maybe you should try giving a shit about other people for once.”) —which essentially tells us that she’s been doing exactly that to be able to lecture Chloe into following her own perspective. Another example would be what she tells Chloe during their therapy session: “—Because she was tired of having to give so many fucks all the time.”
One thing however that all *extreme* social chameleons share is the fact that they **loathe** themselves, or at the very least— dislike who they are. Why else would they go all the trouble of creating different personas for everyone to the point of forgetting their own, if they actually liked themselves?
One of the many things that Chloe and Rachel shared in common was their self-awareness in how undeniably shitty they can be, and that they hated who they were. Whereas Chloe embraced that whole part of her down her self destructive road, Rachel tried to cover hers up by playing other roles for people. Both girls played their sides to the ends of the spectrum; Chloe being selfish (causing problems for everyone in general unnecessarily) and Rachel being selfless (posing no problem for anyone in general even if there was a problem). They had no healthy balance and their unhealthy mindset ultimately drove them down a self destructive path.
Rachel knew she was selfish by nature, and that she’d take it out on Chloe in Ep 1. That’s why instead of talking about what was wrong, she chose to drown herself to alcohol and distance herself from Chloe. When Chloe confronts her about it, she either tells her that not everything revolves around her or that she should try giving a shit about people for once. In other words, ‘Other people have bigger problems than you so shut up and don’t make it worse for them.’ That was Rachel’s mentality and in that moment of poor lapse in judgment, she applied that logic to Chloe expecting her to think the way she does— to put others before yourself.
With Rachel, she always had her walls up and couldn’t help it even if she wanted to because it's practically second nature to have her guard up (“I never said how dearly I hold thee; my habit's been to keep my soul well-draped.“). It’s only in her lowest vulnerable moments is when she finally let her walls down because that’s when she’s too tired to keep them up.
Luckily (or unluckily) for Rachel, she recognized her problem. The only thing is that she didn’t know how to solve them. She confided to Chloe about feeling like she doesn’t exist, but then backtracked and clarified she was talking about her dad instead when Chloe got too close to home. Even IF she was genuinely talking about her father, it doesn’t erase the fact that she believed there was a possibility she was going to become like him— because she already saw the signs and made the comparison between them.
Remember her infamous outbursts in Awake? Unlike Chloe, she’s the type who keeps everything bottled in until it’s too much. Seeing her father kissing another woman was the breaking point and that’s why she reacted badly. And then when she kicked that bin, that was equivalent to Chloe smashing up the junkyard. And then that scream. That scream was the result of years bottling her pent up frustration, stress, anger at everyone including herself. Because she did everything to make her family proud, to please everyone to the point that she felt so empty and hollow, only to realize that it was all for nothing because her father was destroying her family. It wasn’t just a betrayal from her father but a betrayal to herself.
And then there’s Chloe Price. The girl who is the total opposite of her, yet who she can somehow still connect with at the same time. While she cared too much about what others thought, Chloe gave absolutely no fucks. That was her most attractive and admirable quality for Rachel. So what does she do? She latches onto Chloe to do exactly what she knows best. Become the ideal version of whoever wants her to be. In other words, the Rachel Amber who would finally give no fucks.
Rachel was the closest to her truest self when she was around Chloe. Just as she brought life and hope back into the girl’s life, so did Chloe for her. Chloe broke the walls she put up, and she’d seen her vulnerable enough times to let her mask slip. Chloe saw her at her lowest, ugliest self even when she wasn’t doing her usual thing of keeping everyone around her happy, yet she didn’t mock or leave her for it. For the first time, she was selfish, and *still* Chloe came back. That was a BIG reason to trust each other for the both of them. And that’s ultimately what bonded them for so long— the fact that they could be the shittiest people on earth, yet still see the best in each other even if they only see the worst in themselves.
Chloe was the first one to see through her social chameleon act because she slipped, and she continued to let her unmask who she was because that night Rachel just didn’t care enough to hold up the act any longer. This detail of Rachel’s chameleon act slipping *only* when something was wrong is a vital part in understanding the context around her. The first time was when she witnessed her whole world crash, the second was when she realized she was becoming like James, and the third was when she discovered what a monster James was. The fourth— when she asked that trucker for a drive out and didn’t bother to be her usual social chameleon self. We may never know what happened, but something wrong was going on in Rachel’s life that she didn’t want Chloe to be a part of— because why would she put the girl who stuck by her during her darkest hours through her bullshit again?
But at the end of the day, that wasn’t enough. Chloe wasn’t enough. And that’s understandable because a teenager truly can’t and shouldn’t have to be responsible for someone else’s happiness. No matter what choice Chloe makes at the end of BtS, the truth inevitably gets out and leads to Rachel having a fall out with her parents. When that happened, she lost a big pillar of her support system which only leaves her with Chloe who’s another emotionally damaged teen that’s on the road to self-destruction. Chloe can’t help others without helping herself first. But still, who else is there to make them feel a little less shitty except each other?
After her fall out with her parents and her father in particular, she seemed to have developed a taste for men twice her age: Frank Bowers (32) and Mark Jefferson (38). Whatever the reason her relationship with Frank was, she still wrote him those letters and seemed to have cared for him to some extent. Not only was he the source for drugs for her very much needed escape, but he was also the man who helped save her life in one of her most vulnerable moments, and a possible lead to find Sera. It’s not that surprising she’d seek comfort and safety in his arms when he already proved himself once. But clearly it wasn’t serious because she was fooling around with Jefferson at the same time (and Frank knew they wouldn’t have lasted anyway).
Now, Jefferson. The devs confirmed that Rachel was in love with Jefferson and honestly, that’s the least surprising thing ever considering how he basically had the female population of Blackwell head over heels for him. Even Rachel wasn’t immune to that psychopath’s charm. He was a well reputable photographer, had the connections to propel her modeling career, was attractive and mysterious and apparently a damaged soul. He was the perfect one way ticket out of Arcadia Bay. He was her photographer and she was his muse. He was basically the perfect solution to her problems.
The girl clearly had deep rooted daddy issues and was ashamed of it herself since she couldn’t even share her secret relationship to the one person she trusted the most despite sharing her other relationships with her (except Frank).
This is where the drugs and partying come in. They’re a way for her to escape the bullshit in her life for a few hours. Chloe was what made her feel real, but the drugs and partying was what made her forget— forget that her biological mother chose drugs and money over her (twice), forget that her own father was so despicable that he was planning to overdose Sera (this is what Chloe said in the silent dialogue), forget that her biological mother may just be dead somewhere because of James, forget that her own family was a lie, forget all the expectations placed upon her, forget that she herself was a lie, forget that she was so insecure that she had to seek warmth and safety in the arms of men twice her age, forget the guilt of knowing the girl who would die for her was still not enough, forget that at the end of the day all her problems is caused by her own mind and that her own fears had come to reality. And she hated herself for that.
But still, Rachel wasn’t a total junkie or outwardly self destructive to the point that she abandoned her studies like Chloe did. She didn’t let the drugs and partying dictate her life, hence the 4.0 GPA. After all, she still had a reputation to maintain. She was still the DA’s daughter, and getting into college was still a way to get out of Arcadia Bay.
BUT SEE, that was exactly Rachel’s problem. She could never choose which to be; The Problematic Junkie of a Disappointment (Sera), or the Golden Child (James & Rose) everyone expected her to be. She wanted to be as free as Chloe, but she also didn’t want to be a disappointment. She was tired of everything but couldn’t allow herself to fall because it was her nature to demand the best of herself for others as long as she could do it. But what happens when it’s your very own nature you’re going against? It gets really complicated. So instead of choosing, she doesn’t and becomes both. That was ultimately the worst decision she ever made.
Make no mistake, Rachel was an absolute idiot for being so indecisive. She could have easily solved her problems if she just finally gave no shit and did whatever she wanted to. But that’s the problem with people who’re labeled as perfect growing up. They eventually believe it and demand perfection of themselves. They care too much about everything because if they have the ability to be perfect, then why would you choose not to be? When someone is seen to be perfect, disappointment is 10x worse. Even Chloe was guilty of idealizing Rachel to be this perfect girl and was disappointed when she realized Rachel was just like everyone else who puts in hard work—(“Rachel's always made being an A student seem so easy. Almost sad to see all this... effort."), but it’s Chloe accepting Rachel for who she was despite no longer being the perfect girl she believed her to be that mattered.
With being seen as perfect usually comes with the assumption that your whole life is. Just as everyone invalidated her problems because she’s Little Miss Perfect with the perfect grades and the seemingly perfect family, so did she.
‘Cause hey, what does she have to be mad about when she’s a rich white girl who’s been given everything she’s ever wanted, right? (James basically said that). At that point the only problem Rachel had was that she was acting as the perfect daughter and perfect friend and perfect student at the expense of her own happiness, and then throw in the sudden slap in the face that it was all for nothing because her father was destroying the family she’d tried so hard to do proud.
But then again even if that wasn’t enough reason to spiral, it really would mess you up if your own father told you that your biological mother chose money and drugs over you, that everything you’ve done so far was all for a lie and worst of all, that your own father was going to kill your biological mother and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I mean really, I’m not a therapist or anything but I wouldn’t be surprised if Rachel’s mental health was suffering by that point.
I mean get this: she abused drugs and partied harder than anyone else and got wasted even though she knew they were wrong (Sera would’ve been a painful reminder), slept around with older men who undoubtedly took advantage and controlled her, continued to act like the perfect student and pretended to be someone she’s not just to keep everyone happy even though it was causing her to question her own existence— it’s almost as if she was punishing herself for continuing down that path.
Ultimately what Rachel was running away from was who she had become in Arcadia Bay. Once she’d be out, she wouldn’t be Little Miss Perfect anymore. She wouldn’t be the DA’s daughter. She wouldn’t have to keep lying. She would be able to start over. She would just be Rachel Amber, the nobody.
She cared too much in contrast to Chloe’s ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude, and that’s why she still managed to maintain her perfect image even when she was already so broken. Whereas Chloe’s first instinct was to blame others, Rachel’s was to blame herself. Both never had a healthy balance when it came to accepting responsibility and that’s what connected them so well together.
Call it selflessness or selfishness or stupidity or melodrama, but at the end of the day Rachel tried to keep everyone around her happy, just like Max tried to do with her powers except Rachel used lies to do it. She was greedy and selfish, no disagreement to that, but she also tried to be selfless for most of her life. She was her own enemy and she demonized herself for it. And that got her murdered, thrown and buried away like the used rag doll she treated herself to be.
She was Chloe’s angel and Chloe was hers, but she was also her own demon. And there’s only so much two broken angels can do against a demon.
**TL;DR:** Idealizing her to be the Perfect Girl was what made her want to run away. Her family was what broke her. Desperation for escape was what killed her. Her family just *really* suck.
Now, I’m not trying to justify Rachel’s actions but merely rationalizing her character. I acknowledge that she was capable of being a shitty person at times, but just as Chloe had her issues, so did she, and so I choose to see them both for what they tried to be. Good hearted people just trying to make their shitty life a little easier. At the end of the day, Rachel Amber was a deeply flawed, insecure and emotionally damaged girl that pretended like nothing was wrong to forget about her troubles for a little, and was just dealt a bad hand in life. Literally.
After writing all of this, I realize that holy shit this girl was fucking complicated and a single post doesn’t do her justice nor explains her character properly enough. I thought it’d be simple enough to word it out, but then again, someone who was basically a junkie yet still managed to maintain her perfect reputation amongst her peers and the faculty is bound to be this complexed. Also as you can see I got very lazy at the middle of the elaborations and repetition has probably made this unnecessarily long but thank you for reading and finishing this overall confusing and messy essay.
#life is strange#amberprice#chloeprice#rachelamber#analysis#meta#I posted this on Reddit n it got a nice reception#so here it is on tumblr#yk just to stay true to what this blog was supposed to b lmao
50 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
