idk if theres something wrong with me but I feel the deep seated urge to just study the bat family and their weird ass family dynamics/relationships with eachother and like make a huge chart with notes then work my way out from there to their friends and then their friends friends until I know the entire web of complex interlocking relationships and how different people interact with each other and their histories with each other and shit. like I want to dissect the dc charaters and I know the only reason my ass is here in the first place is bc I hyperfixated on nightwing then got invested (sobbing shittung dying nightwing is my lil dude I put into a hydraulic press so unfortunately he would take up so much brain realistate💀) I wanna write silly goofy lil stories featuring him but I also want to do other characters justice and have full context of events and stuff I will throw up if im ooc and or just fucking wrong about something. like theyre so funky I wanna do right by their charaters but ive also gripped dick by the throat and started projecting onto his guilt ridden ass.(eldest child moment yippeee disappointmenting my parents makes me explode :( also hes funky like that lol) but like genuinely want to be able to take existing relationships and just like idk go into it? like explore them I guess and how they interact, what makes a character tick and all that. theres just something about charaters that are so fun to pull apart and find who they are at their core, what makes them this charater, you know? and I feel like part of discovering that is understanding the connections and history of a character in relation to the setting and other charaters, how they react, how they think and feel when put into situations, shit like that I could rotate in my head for hours. im also an emo lil shit and my brain tends to fixate on the darker events and happenings, which can be a hindrance at times 💀. and like im also just one lil dude my Interpretation of those relationships and charaters could be comepletely different form someone else's due to my experiences or lack of experiences with certain stuff. and like I wanna do it justice I dont wanna should dumb or completely miss the point because that would suck ass, Especially if I ever did post it online it would be like being dragged through the city tied to a Honda civic or smth. or at least thats probably how it would feel lol. damn fear of failure and ridicule we meet again you assholes....anyway, I wanna write silly goofy lil stories for my own enjoyment but I want them to be good and accurate to the characters, maybe add small little head canons as a treat but. Domestic type shit or me projecting onto dick my fucking adhd and making him explode too lmao.(im very insane about that head canon ive thought about it a lot, shout out to middle school me for doing all that research instead of sleeping or doing homework your a real one lol). that and using dick as a vehicle to explore my own queerness in a sense because like, its fun, and probably less dangerous than walking around downtown by myself. like I really enjoy giving dick a funky gender that he cant quite label or name that just is, and it doesn't matter because he’s just rocking around kicking ass, he just happens to not be cishet in my heart and mind. that and I wanna draw him in fun outfits, my friends agree he dress like a lesbian(lesbian approved statement). and like yeah I just think its neat to heasdcanon him as queer, Especially the funky genders because hes just doing his own thing bhfdjknvl. this turned into me rambling about making dick gender queer in some fashion not to say that cis dudes cant wear traditionally seen as feminine clothing or anything ya’ll because fuck the notion of gendered clothing, I just mean like imagine like very loud outfits, patterns colors weird shapes and sizes. that and cursed thrift store shirts that say some shit like “oat sealed frog jar” with a picture of Freddy Mercury sitting on a bench wrong. with the like insane fonts. I guess I wanna throw dick in fits that you typically would associate with the chill queer alt people who have cool drip. idk man. anyway sorry to y’all reading this it kinda got outta hand there. 

cw emotional/psychological abuse (im ok dw just. more reflecting)

ive been rereading my journal and got to the bit where im dissecting my exs callout post about me. looking back its kinda hilarious cus if you have the tiniest ounce of critical thinking skills, youll immediatley see that he contradicted himself several times in his own post and his ridiculous assertions just get better with age. heres some highlights

 calling himself a “kid” at 23 while slagging me off voraciously for stuff that i did at 22 and 23, 4+ years before this callout post and some of it before he even met me

 making a huge deal about a 19 & 23 (up to 23 & 27) age gap like its pedophilia lol

 accusing me of ableism in literally the same sentence as dunking on me for my autism symptoms, then doing it again several times more in the next paragraph, like blatant ableism in the same breath as accusing me of ableism, sure thing hon

 misrepresenting events where he deliberately provoked me, leaving out important information and saying I was “playing the victim” cus i told people that the two (2!!) incidents of alleged “abuse” were in direct response to some particularly nasty shit hed been throwing at me

 accusing me of making him homeless when i literally saved him from homelessness several times

 accusing me of manipulating him to be polyamorous when he was literally dating someone else when we got together lmao (as was I & we were all fully aware, just like in a regular consensual polyamorous situation) (iirc he also had a side fuck that his partner didnt know about so really doing great monogamy there, being manipulated into evil polyamory by evil me)

 accusing me of cheating when i told them i was dating someone, who they fully well knew i was getting close to and wanting to date, who they told me was okay if I wanted to date them. they forced me to break up with that person and apologise over months, agreeing at one point that it wasn’t actually cheating, but then conveniently it was cheating again whenever he needed something to hold against me

anyway ive still not fully recovered from being used up quite thoroughly and emotionally abused and gaslit and accused of the worst kinds of things because after years of torment I snapped a couple times. I still find it in my mind sometimes to miss him and wanna reach out and then I remember how it felt to be with him and then how it felt to *not* be with him and how it felt to be punished for not being with him, and then to be punished just for existing, i guess. being accused of punishing him when i was having emotional reactions or tried to distance myself cus being around him made me want to kermit. funny how thats his choice of words as well and how being with him changed me fundamentally and i am still very much working on undoing the damage, i suspect it will take a long while. meanwhile hes prancing around in la and probably has forgtten completely that i even exist. which is wild considering he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me for so fucking long. its my fault also because i let him, but i was young and stupid, (in his words) just a kid at 23.

he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me - and I let him; when you put it like that, it’s absolutely no wonder it blew up completely in our faces. And as the older one and the supposedly more experienced one, I guess it would have been on me to not let him put all that on me. I didn’t know much at the time though, pretty sure I didn’t even know what boundaries were (much less how to set, communicate and enforce them). But also I was interested in him and wanted to get closer and I think even then I knew that if I failed to give him whatever tf he wanted, he would just leave and probably call me toxic. Idk why it ever seemed like a good idea to get close to him. I just dont know anymore but I guess I did learn a lot from that relationship. Including not to let people like that get that fucking close to me again.

.

A1, 6, 7, 10, B1, 6, C3, 6, 11, D4, E2, 4, F7

hoo boy this is gonna be a long post LOL ill put this under a readmore

yakuza questions from here !!

A1. Favorite character(s)? akiyama <3, majima, daigo, haruka, and kiryu ofc. if we count judgment too, higashi <3

A6. Favorite side character(s)? KASHIWAGI <3333 also rikiya. sherlock holmes girl from lost judgment, amasawa. shes so cute 🥺

A7. Favorite substory(ies)? the dominatrix one from 0 always sticks in my head as the first REALLY RIDICULOUS one i got and i love it very much. the daigo+majima one from dead souls, daigo crying in a cute little dress is still one of the funniest things ive ever seen. the one where, as akiyama, you get to talk circles around a bank scammer. the one where you take a ghost girl on a date in y7.

A10. Favorite weapon(s)? the fish cannon. i forget what its called but that thing helped me so much LMAO

B1. Which character do you relate to most and why? i too like to sleep on whatever surface is comfortable, have terrible personal scheduling, have significantly more experience talking to women than other men, and (wish i could) blow exorbitant amounts of cash on the good things for myself and people i love. guess.

B6. Are there any characters that you wish you could be more like? i honestly wish i had majima's ability to just. be batshit insane. like i need that in my life. i would rather be over the top than the anxiety-ridden mess i am now 😅

C3. Which character(s) deserved better? FUCKING. SHINJI. NO EXPLANATION NEEDED. god. and reina... and sayama...... pls give us a main girl who isnt a love plot to a leading man...............

C6. If you could revive any deceased character, who would it be and why? im beating a dead horse here (pun.. WHOOPS) but. the 1-3 villains. it would have been SO MUCH more interesting to see villains WILLING TO BE REDEEMED instead of fucking. suicidal. dead souls was a step in the right direction with ryuji, but we never got anything more than that.....

C11. Which character has the best taste in clothing? Who has the worst? genuinely think so many of these men do NOT know how to dress in a suit. not one that matches, anyway. i have to say majima has the best. because he simply does not care. and he looks good whatever hes doing. otherwise, yuya. i love that guy's clothes. worst... how to choose....... im gonna nominate minami for this. i get wanting to be comfy. but tracksuit pants? and JUST tracksuit pants? smh

D4. Which character(s) do you believe should have never existed in the first place? tbh i dont feel an unspeakable rage from many characters.. HM... if i didnt like a character, its likely i dont remember them. so. blanket statement of any perv characters tho. die.

E2. Bops: Haruka Sawamura, T-Set or Dream Line? was slightly confused by this question bc of the lack of oxford comma, but i can forgive it. i gotta say my girl haruka. i love her songs so much. dream is too slow for my taste so that rules dreamline out.

E4. Eat: Ramen or Takoyaki? as much as i love ramen, i havent had good takoyaki in so long and i CRAVE it.... theres a japanese place in the city right nearby and i just havent had the opportunity to go there in a while. ive tried it from multiple places but that ones the best. its kinda... mushy? from other places, where its actually nice and chewy from this place, and they give you a good sauce with it too :D

F7. Who are you fighting on the Millennium Tower rooftop? bro if i could hold my own in a fight with any of these men i would be set for life. uhhh. i wouldnt mind being tossed by saejima just to see what flying feels like tho. but then the pain.......

beastars episode 21 thoughts!

legosi and louis have finally reunited!!!

i have a lotta gripes with this episode, but i think overall it was still a very good episode. this week's ep covered chapters 75, 76, 81, and a lil bit from ch69. i was very excited & happy to see legosi and louis finally interacting, and finally seeing some of my favorite legosi & louis moments animated & fully voiced was also great.

the ep opens with an anime original scene of louis and ibuki discussing stolen goods in their supply chain. its very brief and seems to just be setup for legosi and louis' reunion in the BAM later in the ep, so i'll come back to this later.

i liked seeing this lil smoky deer form in legosis head when monologuing about his smell lol. usually this only happened when legosi was tracking haru's scent so im glad they did it for louis too lol. ot3 real.

i really liked the scene of legosi's training. the intense fight paired with legosi's matter of fact tone while narrating was great lol i really love his voice.

the tao & kibi moment in the hospital was great omg ;-; i loved it. no complaints only emotions and tears.

now. the moment we've all been waiting for. the long awaited lougosi reunion. i have mixed feelings about it bc during my first watch i was very excited to see the boys finally interacting, but also in the back of my mind i was filled with dread while coming to the realization that the anime had changed how they meet again. i was kinda right about the anime quishing together ch66 along with ch75/76, but really they only pulled some lines from 66 and put them into this anime original scene in the warehouse :'^)

i dont think this scene is bad tho, i still really enjoyed watching it. but im still disappointed that it's different from the manga djflksjldf. at the very least i wouldve liked if the anime kept their brief interaction from ch66 and letting louis stew in his feelings of seeing legosi buying meat for a couple eps. very sad we were robbed of that.

i liked this lil moment where theyre just looking at e/o and thinking a million things. something i've always loved about this part (in both the manga & the anime) is how legosi got a fur cut so the shishigumi wouldn't recognize him but louis recognized him immediately lol. the music for this part was really great too. and seeing legosi's tail get all waggy was So Cute.

i will say tho that louis' lack of expressiveness in this season continues to be an issue. in the manga we get to see how hurt louis is to see legosi in the BAM and how he's almost embarrassed at legosi's visible happiness at seeing him again after everything. in the anime louis seems rather stone faced for most of this scene. he just looks either angry/annoyed or kinda neutral. his expressions are very subtle, like you can tell he's holding back a bit but we're not getting the same range as manga louis.

i think louis' expressiveness is a lil better in the next part when legosi is eating with the shishigumi and the balcony scene, but still not the same range as manga louis.

it was really funny to me about louis eats the steak and then just looks legosi dead in the eyes while he chews. like louis is challening legosi and legosi is just confused about why he's doing something so ridiculous. i've always wondered what legosi was thinking in this moment lmao.

as for the balcony scene... i fuckin loved it lmao. the voice acting was phenomenal. my lougosi brain was in OVERDRIVE

legosi literally said 🥺 while hugging louis i cant 😭

louis 🥺🥺🥺💕

also i really enjoyed this lil bit of legosi playing with the banner strings out of shyness. very cute.

i also really like how the anime did this part. i gasped and i knew it was coming lmao.

while i think the legosi & louis centric scenes were pretty well done overall, some people have pointed out that the anime doesn't let some of the really important moments from it linger long enough to hit with as much impact as they do in the manga, and i have to agree. i think it's another consequence of adding so much anime original stuff & shuffling many scenes around. like, i think the anime did well, but as a manga reader i know these scenes could have been even better.

the last thing ill say about this part is that when legosi launched himself over the banners i literally laughed out loud

this is the funniest clip ever lmao

i thought the last part of the ep was good, tho im a lil sad we didnt get legosi growling in the anime lol. once again im so in love with pina's voice acting ❤_❤

legosi's talk with pina about riz is supposed to set up the moth scene, which is when legosi's fur grows back, but based on the previews for the next ep, im not sure if we'll even be getting it, which worries me @0@ the preview pics that were posted all show moments that happen after legosi grows his fur back in the manga but it doesnt look like his fur has grown back yet in the anime.

this change is super weird to me, idk why the anime would push the moth scene or legosi's fur growth back so late in this arc. based on how things have been going im afraid the anime may have legosi grow is fur back in a different way, and cut the moth scene, which will be super disappointing for me bc i really love the moth scene. im still gonna hold out hope for it not being cut tho. crossing my fingers!!

AVPSY Song Ranking

Ok so this is avpsy... so .... confession time. erm, I have never watched avpsy the whole way thru..... oops. Ive watched parts of it and I know the plot. but. too long for me to sit thru oops. ANYWAYS sry this took a while erm I had to go and find each song and listen to them to make sure I knew wtf they were. so. took a while once again.... pretty controversial but not as much as my other ones lmao so HERE U GO

13. This is the End (ok so I love evanna Lynch and Richard ,,,,, but this was not a good opener song oops I rlly dont like. it just,,,, not good I dont like the lyrics and um,, harmonies not so good oops and yes I know they had like 2 days of rehearsal in shitty conditions but um,,,, oh well)

12. Senior Year (ok so I kinda like this when it performed at cons see leaky con 2018 but um,,, I rlly dont. the harmonies feel Kinda off to me and ya it doesn't sit right,,,, also u cant rlly see Meredith or jaime the way the set up the staging oops)

11. Tonight This School is Mine (ok so,,, this is ok song I just never rlly vibed with it. like Darren and Lauren do great and I get the whole situation but I just,,,,, dont like it???? idk dont ask me my mind does not make sense)

10. Days of Summer (ok so this is good I love this song normally I just,,,, ya it was sad cuz then harry say bye to everyone and I cry so ya no oops. but it also fun to see everyone together for it so ya that was cool)

9. Everything Ends (I know I know this is ridiculously low like its everyones favorite but I just dont vibe that hard. like it a good song and and hilarious scene especially when Tyler and Joe m show up but its not my fave but HEY top 10)

8. Get in My Mouth (ya I know a lot of ppl hate this song but I think its hilarious Jeff is so chaotic and kills it and the innuendos are amazing also backup dancers slay like go alle-faye sango elona and arielle!!!!!! they kill it I love them also the harmonies are on point also side note Jeffs costume started breaking half way thru the song and its rlly funny lmao)

7. Going Back to Hogwarts Finale (THE FEEEEELLLLLSSSS also fun fact Darren added the ‘I hope you find that swimming pool’ line like 5 min or less b4 going on stage its amazing lmaoooo Albus scarfie potterrrrrrr and Darren and alle-faye r so sweeeeetttt I love themmmmmm and Darren slays)

6. Going Back to Hogwarts (ok so this one was rlly cool cuz they changed the lyrics to match wtf was happening and that is so iconic also joey and Darren legit messing up the lines in the song while looking at the fucking script kills me they so funny I love)

5. Always Dance (aaaahhh this is so good we live for Dylan/Joe duets its great we Stan them also Dylan wearing scarfie is great tooooooo Dylan and Joe sound so good and it such uplifting songgggggggg I love hearing it and it makes me happy and dannceeeee also Joe little boy voice is so funny and the leaping around the stage dance of w/ Joe and Tyler is iconic tooooo also the fact that this whole song was a flashback for ginny and jaime is fucking hilarious as possessed ginny I die)

4. I Was (omfg this song I canttttt its iconic and omg I love Darren and Joe and clark and pierce writing this masterpiece I love themmmmmmmm also if u haven't already find the leaky con 2013 in London of Joe and clark singing this its amazing and they slay and this song is so good and harmonies are so on point and the FEELSSSSS)

3. Wizard of the Year (omfg this songgggggg aj is hilarious and amazing and I can't believe he was only in MAMD b4 this like he wrote songs and shit but this was only the second starkid show he had a role in also aj singing and playing piano and his voice and ugh I love ajjjjjjjjjj he kills it and the song is hilarious cuz its basically a way to diss harry and its great)

2. Sidekick (WOOOOOOO GO JOEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY king kills this song and I love it and I wish it was in apocalyptour but oops oh well also the homecoming version of this is great tooo and the song is hilarious to listen to/watch for the first time cuz joey is so funny and ur not rlly expecting it at first and omfg joey go OFF its a great song and I am also very impressed that Meredith is able to stay still and petrified that whole time like goddam give her a Tony just for that lmao)

1. When You Have to Go Home (WHOOOOO GO OFFFF BRITTANYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I fucking love this song just cuz of Brittany riffs and its so good and she kills it also fun fact she never knew the words and had to ask Tyler every time right b4 she sang also the two of them have the cutest friendship ever also yes this is my fave song purely cuz Brittany but also Joe on his fake bike is so funny its great I loveeeee)

again, sry this took so long BUT HMB is already done w/comments and every thing and starship is ranked, I just need to write in my comments/reasoning lmao. so the next 2 should come fairly fast! ill update y'all on my starship post, but I need to figure out all the avps songs, listen to them, and rank them still and I haven't started BUT it will happen I SWEAR

anyways love u all!

<3, alimay

Rogues Lore

First of all I want to thank @schweeeppess for letting me spam her with Rogues lore 2 months ago cuz it made this post so much easier to type out when I can just copy-paste everything and then edit it to be more cohesive lmao

Second this is under a read more because it is A Lot

Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold

He grew up with a super abusive father and his only refuge was when he would hang out with his grandfather in his grandfather's ice truck. When the grandfather died, he grew tired of his dad's abuse and set out to start a criminal career and moved to central. 

(He's the one who started the rogues!) 

He found blueprints for a "cold gun" which he ended up making from scratch (it’s also canon that he knows the gun so well he can remake it out of scraps in about 30 seconds to a minute) and had three main rules in his group: No Killing, No Harm To Women Or Children and No Drug Use. His cold gun is capable of interfering with the speedforce cuz it can reach “absolute zero” which is even colder then Mr Freeze's tech. 

He's also the only cold-based villain capable of mastering this temp. In New Earth he was described as an "adversary" but in Prime Earth (same backstory as before mind you) he's described as being a straight villain whose only rule in the group is "no killing" (which seems to be a pretty flexible rule these days cuz DC has made him more, well, down with killing). He's also much younger here then he was in NE. 

In Flash 2016 #17 we see another upgraded version of his gun that's capable of separating the Flash from the speedforce directly and, in doing so, causing Barry excrutiating pain. Generally, he and Barry had more respect for eachother in NE, to the point that Len even considered him family. In PE, though they have teamed up now and again, Len is far more hostile towards Barry, sometimes even being written in a way that suggests he wouldn’t mind if Barry died.

Sam scudder AKA Mirror Master (the first one!) 

He was a simple convict who just really wanted to learn how to get inside a mirror's reflection. He practiced in a hall of mirrors and, once he succeeded, became Mirror Master. He was a frequent foe for Barry and, during Crisis on Infinite Earths, died around the same time Barry did.

 He was the one who discovered the "mirror world". At one point he got himself trapped there and hated that the mirror world could just get him whatever he wanted instead of him stealing it so he got Barry to bust him out. He could also use mirror's to mind control ppl (dont ask) and this intrigued Barry. 

 On PE he's dating Lisa Snart (Len's younger sister) and is the only Mirror Master to exist. In N52 he, Len, Lisa, Mick and Marco all got fused with their weapons for a while and given meta-human abilities which I. hate because it took away what made them all so cool (I'm fine with Marco tho and you'll find out why in a minute) he's also a really big attention seeker lol

Hartley Rathaway AKA Pied Piper

Alright most of Hartley's info is from NE so: he was born deaf to wealthy parents who got him very high-tech hearing implants. He became obssessed with sounds and started experimenting with sonic technology. Bored of his rich life (and sometimes it's implied he had ableist and/or homophobic parents too) he took to a life of crime after learning how to hypnotize people through music (Pied Piper ayyy). 

He was the first person to ever successfully break out of Iron Heights and did so because he befriended the rats there and used them to help himself escape, adding more to his whole Pied Piper thing. After Barry died he gave up crime and started working to help the poor and underprivelaged (I'm not saying he quit specifically bc of Barry's death buuuuuut most of the Rogues did so). 

He struck up a close friendship with Wally and came out as openly gay! On PE all that we know for certain is that he's a "reformed vigilante" who's the conductor for the Central City orchestra. He used to share an apartment with Barry (yes for real) before he moved in with his bf, David Singh (also Barry's director in the CCPD). Lisa was the one who convinced him to come out to the Rogues, and they were all chill with being gay, their problem came when he started dating David who is, you know, a cop.

He has a pet rat called Moon (cute, right?). Also in pre-N52 canon (cant remember if it was NE specifically or older) Hartley once had a nervous breakdown after Barry arrested him so Barry took him to get help at a mental health hospital :')

(Some artists draw him blonde, some brunette and others go more for reddish-brown it’s kinda confusing)

Marco/Mark Mardon AKA Weather Wizard

On NE he's a two bit criminal called Mark Mardon (he's also white and yes thats important to note) but one day, after escaping from a cop van, he ran to find his brother, Clyde, who was a scientist only to discover his bro had died of a heart attack (however, there's implications that he actually murdered his brother and simply blocked out the memory). 

He then found Clyde's notes on how to create a wand to control the weather and made it for himself. The worst he ever did on NE was imprison a town in winter and after Barry's death he went into semi-retirement (told you the Rogues all did this)

On PE however! He and Clyde are Latino and are the heirs to a huge cartel! Clyde takes over the cartel and Marco wants nothing to do with that life. After their father dies, Marco runs away and eventually becomes Weather Wizard. 

He comes back when he hears his brother has been murdered and gets accused of the crime. He finds out it was Clyde's wife, Elsa, who orchestrated the whole thing and, in a fit of grief and anger, kills her with lightning. He also tries to kill himself at the same time but it doesn’t work. After her death, he curls up into a ball and starts crying because he feels like he hasnt got any family left but then Lisa shows up and is like "yo the rogues are still here for you bitch"

His emotions affect the weather in this continuity and I’m a weak bitch for that but that’s 100% my bias for Ororo Munroe showing itself lol

James Jesse AKA Trickster (the first one!)

James Jesse was born to the Flying Jesses, famous circus performers. He, however, was afraid of heights, and preferred reading stories of Western criminal Jesse James. 

He invented air-walking shoes to get rid of his acrophobia, and this led to his fame as an aerialist at the circus. Buuut he wanted more excitement in life and became a conman instead! He had a lot of wacky gadgets like exploding teddy bears and, after Barry's death, moved from Central to Hollywood and started working in special effects. 

Like Hartley, he even attended Barry's funeral. He once beat the devil, Neron, at his own game and eventually started using his skills for good, collecting weapons of incarcerated villains so they couldnt fall into the wrong hands. He eventually died protecting Hartley during Final Crisis. Deadshot was the one who got him. 

On Prime Earth his parents were straight up neglectful and, instead of creating his own boots, he stole them from STAR labs instead. This version of him is also WAY more fucked up and murdery then NE to the point us long-term Rogues fans got really upset at how much DC had changed him 

On NE his real name is “Giovanni Giuseppe” (swear this is, like, the only italian name DC knows) and on PE the Flying Jesse's were a deliberate rip off of the Flying Graysons

George “Digger” Harkness AKA Captain Boomerang

The illegitimate son of an American toy-maker, W.W. Wiggins, and an Australian woman, Betty Harkness, George Harkness was raised in poverty in the small town of Kurrumburra, Australia. His stepfather, Ian Harkness, hated the boy and made his life miserable. (Like canonically Ian was an abusive alcoholic and even abused Betty who was too ill to defend herself or George. The reason George goes by "Digger" is cuz that's what his mom used to call him before she died; it's aussie slang for "soldier") 

In school, Harkness crafted a boomerang. He discovered he had great skill with the aboriginal weapon and often used it for mischief with his best friend, Mick Wentworth. He further honed his skills while spending some time hiding from the law in the Australian bush. 

When Digger was eighteen, he and Wentworth robbed a general store and were able to make their escape with the aid of Digger’s boomerang. However, this incident caused Digger’s stepfather to kick him out of the house. 

His mother gave him a plane ticket to Central City and told him to get in touch with Wiggins. Wiggins had been searching for a spokesman for W.W. Wiggins Game Company's latest product, a toy boomerang. Under the alias "George Green", Digger auditioned for and got the job. Wiggins outfitted him with a costume and gave him the name "Captain Boomerang."

Ridiculed by the audience, he took to a life of crime instead.

His story is pretty much the same on PE. The only diff being there was no childhood friend and Digger made boomerangs in an attempt to impress his absentee father. Also he has a habit of making up fake stories about himself lmao 

The only one's he really doesnt stab in the back are the Rogues and Harley Quinn but everyone else? fair game. In Flash: Rebirth he and Barry even exchange favours for info and it’s implied this is a regular thing for them

Roscoe Dillon AKA The Top

He technically appears on PE but he's one of Thawne's acolytes so lets just. Skip that and focus on NE instead

Literally his whole thing is that he was obssessed with spinning tops as a kid and taught himself how to spin fast enough to deflect bullets. He became a criminal, tried to blackmail the entire world once, and was Lisa's first boyfriend! 

He was also her ice-skating coach and taught her how to spin super well like himself! He has a very confusing characterization tho cuz sometimes he was written to be all about revenge and killing but other times he was just like the other rogues; a blue-collar criminal who stole things because he liked to. 

He died eventually which I'm not going to try to explain cuz it's...yeah. There's also this whole thing where he could possess people after his death but this was in the silver age and that shit just happened sometimes so whatever 

In short: Roscoe has a really cool concept to him but nobody really knew how to write him so he ended up all over the place

He also has a Spinning Top shaped satellite in space where he stores all his loot (dont ask)

Mick Rory AKA Heatwave

Mick Rory has pyromania! Very severely! He was born on a farm outside of Central and, as a child, was very fascinated with fire. This turned into an obssession and he ended up burning his house down. So fascinated by the flames, however, he never ran to get help, watching his whole house burn down (and killing his parents inside) and he ended up living with his uncle after this. 

On a schooltrip, his schoolmate stuck him in a meat locker as a prank where he gained Cryophobia (fear of the cold) so in retaliation Mick locked the boy in his house and set the thing on fire (again, pyromania). He ran away again and ended up becoming a fire-eater for a circus. That didn't last long either because, surprise!, he burned the place down. 

Desperate to find a way to help his obssession, he happened to see the Rogues operating in Central and decided to take up villainy. At first he and Len got into a few altercations with eachother due to Mick's fear of the cold but eventually they settled their differences and Len officially brought him into the Rogues. 

Mick kinda relies on them to keep his pyromania in check basically. There was a time where he was, briefly, reformed and gained a close friendship with Barry (even being roommates with him. By then he'd already known Barry's real identity for a few years) and used his pyro knowledge to become a fire-fighter consultant. At one point he even worked for the FBI

His backstory is practically the same on PE the only difference being that he never expressed regret for burning down his house, and actually says he wishes he’d burned down the whole neighbourhood instead

Lisa Snart AKA Golden Glider

When I say her NE version is leagues above PE I mean it. 

Like Len, she suffered abuse under their father and escaped it by becoming a figure skater under the name Lisa Star for the Futura Ice Show! Her fame came from her very fast spins, a trick she was taught by Roscoe. When Roscoe died while fighting Barry (brain complications though there’s more to it, but again I’m not going to get into that) Lisa turned to villainy, blaming Barry for her lover's death. 

Her attempts on Barry and Iris' lives were always foiled. She used a pair of ice skates that created their own ice flow, and had many gadgets that caused hypnotism. She also stole Len's gun once but retooled it into a twirling Baton. 

When Barry died she renounced her feud with him and attempted to go straight again with her brother. They created a company that recovered lost or stolen items. Eventually she returned back to a life of crime, went through three boyfriends, all using the name Chillblaine (she named them that iirc), until the fourth Blaine killed her. Len got revenge on that one 

On PE, however, Lisa had a brain tumor (it got cured later) and was a tag-a-long villain for her brother and her boyfriend, Sam Scudder. This version of her never became a skater and is instead murderous just for...the sake of it. She also has this thing about wanting to be the leader of the Rogues instead of Len, and when she's in charge of them for a while the Rogues’ morals change and killing is suddenly fine so. Whatever. NE Lisa is the best (also her whole outfit? Stunning)

Roy G. Bivolo AKA Rainbow Raider (not technically a Rogue anymore but he was a member for a while)

He appeard on PE as Chroma but gets murdered by Grodd so we only have NE canon to use (they did my mans dirty) 

He was a wonderful painter from an early age but was born colourblind. His father, an optometrist, was determined to create a device that would let him see in full colour. Toy didnt get the device until after his father's death but unfortunately the device didnt let him see colour. 

Instead, the goggles could project beams of light that could become solid objects, make him invisible, blind his opponents, or affect the emotions of his targets. Angry that he couldnt pursue an artistic career. he decided to become a thief and primarily stole famous artwork. He was eventually killed by Amunet Black

Evan McCulloch AKA Mirror Master (second one)

Evan was born to rich parents Louis and Carol Erikson who gave him up for adoption because they were too young to be responsible parents. He ended up at the McCulloch orphanage. 

At age 8 he was molested by one of the older boys there and, in self-defence, ended up drowning the him. At 16 he left the orphanage, taking on the name of the woman who raised him and moves to Glasgow (he’s scottish btw) 

He found that it was super difficult to hold down a job but, needing to make ends meet and constantly breaking the law anyway, he turned to a life of crime and became a hitman and then a professional assassin.

One day he got hired to kill his birth father but was unaware of who his target was until after he took the shot. Grief-stricken, he attended the funeral and tried to work up the nerve to approach his birth mother. By the time he had, she'd committed suicide and he turned himself in for his crimes. 

Either the Scottish or US government gave him Sam's old Mirror Master gear and hired him to be a mercenary. 

His first job was scaring Animal Man into stopping his activism, but he failed because of Animal Man’s wife. Refusing to actually kill the wife and children (thanks to his own morals) he gets fired and helps Animal Man seek revenge.

He continues to work as a criminal and supervillain-for-hire, even working out of costume as a mercernary in Britain.

Eventually he found his way to Central City and joined the Rogues, taking over as Sam Scudders official successor. There was a time where he had a Cocaine Addiction which caused friction between him and Capt Cold because of Len’s rule against drug use. 

Throughout all of this, Evan made sure to donate a portion of all the money he ever got to the McCulloch Orphanage

Axel Walker AKA Trickster (second one) 

On PE, Axel was recruited by the Rogues early on in his career. He messed up during a heist and they kicked him out (they'd never do that but w/e) 

He worked for Mob Rule as a henchman for a bit then went freelance when MB was arrested. He saved Cold's life cuz he felt he still owed Cold a debt. When Grodd took over Central, Axel tried to join his side but Grodd tore his arm off from the bicep (ouch) and left him to die on the street. Axel got himself a cool sleek robot arm and returned to crime anyway. He got accused of murder, Barry cleared his name, but he still got sent to Iron Heights for other charges. 

The Rogues, hearing about this, went to bust him out and were like "okay fine u can hang with us" and he stayed with them from then on

In NE canon, while Jesse was working with the FBI, Axel stole all his gear and ended up working for Penguin in Gotham. Penguin gets attacked by Tarantula, Axel fails to stop her and a few days later he gets caught by Robin (Tim) for causing trouble in Gotham. 

He moves on to work with Amunet Black, but after her defeat is offered to join the “new Rogues” by Capt Cold and accepts the offer. Some stuff happens, he fights the OG Trickster who leaves him in a dumpster and tells him never to pick up the gear again, then Axel answers an ad from some college students asking for a trained hero to teach them some things, he has dinner with them and then kills them all. Neat.

When Jesse died, Axel redonned the Trickster gear and started operating his own crew out of an old Rogues hideout. When the Rogues returned to Central, Axel found out they were gonna retire and go underground. He rejoined them to help them get revenge on Inertia for manipulating them into killing Bart Allen, and he stayed with the group henceforth. 

Evan explained to him that joining the Rogues wasn’t a matter of him wanting to be one, but why he needed to be one

In short: Axel is a punk kid who wants to fit in with the big boys and the Rogues are the only ones who really gave him a chance, acting like his older siblings. It’s worth noting that canon never mentions any relatives for him so, as far as we know, crime is all he’s ever known

And that’s all of them!

What are your favorite fanfictions based in any of the Marvel comics universes?

ok this is certainly a . question. lmao . so i..have bookmarked like Three 616 fic on my actual ao3 account and i honestly dont know why. i have read so much 616 fic but i never bothered to make it a habit to .. save them . so rip me. this will be an incomplete list! huge f in the chat lads

there’s also the issue of like. pretty much all of the comics fic i like being, uh, stevetony. im a loser.

anyway.

When The Lights Go On Again by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Aliens have invaded earth, and the Avengers are scattered. While Steve leads the resistance, Tony once again finds himself playing captive scientist. In the midst of a violent alien regime, separated by seemingly insurmountable boundaries, Steve and Tony have nothing to keep themselves going but each other.rec note: i JUST read this fic and it ruined my life. go read it and ruin your life too

Resurrection, Reconstruction & Redemption by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Doom brings Steve back from the dead. Hijinks ensue, some of which might vaugely be considered plot.rec note: a classic! i think this was the first stevetony fic posted to ao3? you should def go ahead and read the rest of the series (yes it is a series yes it is 300k+ words yes it is worth it)

The Roughest Day by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Steve is in a motorcycle accident, Tony catches a cold, and someone is after the New Avengers.rec note: this gives me warm fuzzies because it’s the new avengers avenging and there isn’t enough of that

King of Infinite Space by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: A villain from Tony’s past comes back to cause trouble for the Avengers. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy, if things weren’t already so awkward over the events of Execute Program.rec note: it’s not a tony stan created reclist if there isn’t a tiberius stone fic somewhere on it

Winter Is All Over You by KiyaarSummary: Tony can’t remember why he’s running.rec note: *soft wheezing noises* oh,

My Mallory Heart [Add Violence Remix] by KiyaarSummary: He keeps seeing that bundle of metal set into Tony’s bare chest, the raw edges around it like Tony’s body was rejecting it. Keeps wondering: what have you done to yourself this time.rec note: *incoherent blubbering*

Sea Stars by MuccamukkSummary: Steve comes back to life somewhere entirely unexpected; Tony doesn’t remember being a hero; something is rotten in the province of British Columbia, and the 2010 Olympics are doomed.rec note: i LIVE for this fic it’s so good. the setting…the mystery…the characterization…top notch

Indelible by PenumbrenSummary: When an experiment goes awry, Tony thinks he may have found an answer to his problems and Steve faces something he’s been avoiding for a very long time.rec note: this turned out to be way sadder than i thought it was going to be

(Not So) Lonely At The Top by foldingcranesSummary: Riri has a bad day, and Tony tries to be An Emotionally Available Adult for her. It doesn’t go so bad.rec note: there isn’t enough riri fic out there…

if you leave by CapnShellheadSummary: After so many months passing each other in silence, Steve and Tony find a marriage counselor to try to work through their issues with communication.rec note: warning: fic is akin to a bat swung to the knees

Marvels: The Bloodstone Odyssey by teaberryblueSummary: The year is 1940. In the middle of the Blitz, Tony Stark and Pepper Potts set out to London to recover Howard Stark’s lost work. But it turns out that they’re not the only ones hunting for it. Tony finds himself contending with Nazis, crooks, and perhaps his most formidable adversary yet: a scrawny, asthmatic, bullheaded kid named Steve Rogers.rec note: this gives me huge indiana jones vibes and it’s GREAT

Emanata (The Comics Will Break Your Heart Remix) by teaberryblueSummary: Steve Rogers has the opportunity to fulfill his childhood dreams of becoming a comic artist when eccentric billionaire, superhero patron, and obsessive comic enthusiast Tony Stark offers him a job drawing Iron Man. But Tony Stark has no idea that Steve Rogers is really Captain America, the newest member of the Avengers. And Iron Man has no idea that Captain America is really Steve Rogers, up-and-coming comic book artist. And Steve doesn’t know what to do about the fact that he’s falling head over heels for them both.rec note: this one has a special place in my heart bc it’s the one that got me into 616 stevetony! the identity shenanigans make my head hurt and i love it

Genesis by teaberryblueSummary: Reluctant to make the truth about their secret weapon known, the American Government tells the world that Captain America is a man named Steve Rogers. According to public record, he died, tragically, in 1945, and he became legend. In 1998, the Avengers find a body trapped in ice. She’s alive. Her name is Eve. She has Captain America’s shield.rec note: i think this is the..only steve centric fic here lmao . and also technically this is a mix of 616/mcu/ults but i’m still putting it here bc it’s…very good

Highest fall you’ll ever grace by laireshiSummary: “You’ll probably want these back,” Tony says at last, and it hurts almost physically to pull the dog tags over his head and offer them to Steve. But they never really belonged to Tony, did they? Steve seems to hesitate for a second, but then he takes his dog tags with a weird expression. “Yeah,” he says. “They’re mine.”rec note: *clutches heart* hhhh

Transmission by laireshiSummary: The incursions are stopped. Steve hopes for things to go back to normal. Instead, he finds himself stranded in an alternate universe with Tony. Getting home won’t be easy. There are too many things they haven’t told each other, too many arguments they’ve never solved. Now, with just each other for company, they might have to face them all—especially as they seem to be telepathically bonded, and can’t keep anything unsaid anymore.rec note: oh boy am i a sucker for Stevetony Finding Out About The Confession

Chasing Shadows by laireshiSummary: Steve is still adjusting to the future. Tony hopes he is helping, but Steve’s and Iron Man’s morals might be too different for them to work together. Then Steve starts to act strangely, and all Tony can do is chase at shadows.rec note: this fic hurt me . that’s it that’s all i have to say

The Counselors Are In by cptxrogersSummary: Steve and Tony from Avengers Assemble open a counseling service for all the other Steves and Tonys from across the multiverse. God knows they need it.rec note: come on Other Universes GET IT TOGETHER

Think of This as Solving Problems (That Should Never Have Occurred) by SinealaSummary: No one knows Tony is Iron Man. Then Tony gets amnesia, and literally no one knows Tony is Iron Man.rec note: ok here comes the sineala spam in the reclist lmao

The Jar by SinealaSummary: The Avengers are ridiculously competitive people, and what starts out as a silly late-night team discussion quickly becomes a contest: their names. Not the code names – the nicknames. Who can go the longest without using them? They pledge to spend a week not nicknaming each other, and they’ll pay up every time they mess up. This hits Tony the hardest, and not just financially. Tony’s got a lot of nicknames for everyone, but most of all for Steve – and when Tony can’t use the names he’s already got, the names he uses reveal feelings he had no idea he had.rec note: super cute! lov those funky avenging dudes

Changeling by SinealaSummary: Instead of deleting his entire brain and reloading from a backup, Tony attempts to erase just the SHRA database from his mind. As Steve later finds out, this is unfortunately not what he actually did.rec note: *ugly sobbing* ttngngjfgnTONY ,.,,,,CAROLLLLL ,,FDF..,,KSDJBVSD ,,,S T E V E..,,,, FVKJD,,,,SFDJKDNFVNKDJFD

If You Want to Live (The Historical Present Remix) by SinealaSummary: The Civil War is over. The SHRA is gone. Steve has been brought back to life. He’s settling into his new duties as America’s top cop. His longtime friendship with Carol Danvers – Avenger, former director of SHIELD, and former leader of the pro-Registration forces – is now a tenuous one. But something is very wrong in the world. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. Someone is missing. Tony Stark was killed at the age of seventeen, and it’s up to Steve to travel into the past to save a man he doesn’t remember from a man he knows all too well: a mysterious assassin from another time and place, a man with a metal arm. And the truth is more complicated than anyone could ever have guessed.rec note: super interesting fic! the Plot is,,……. some güd shit

Straight on till Morning by SinealaSummary: Tony Stark resigned his commission in Starfleet five years ago, after a disastrous away mission, and he swore he’d never go back. He just wants to be left alone to build warp engines in peace. But the universe has more in store for him than that, as he discovers when Admiral Fury comes to him with an offer he could never have expected and cannot possibly refuse: first officer and chief engineer aboard the all-new USS Avenger, a starship of Tony’s own design. What’s more, the Avenger’s captain is Steve Rogers, hero of the Earth-Romulan War. Believed dead for over a century, Steve is miraculously alive… and very, very attractive. But nothing is ever easy for Tony. As he wrestles with his secret desire for his new captain and his not-so-dormant fears, another mission starts to go wrong, and Tony becomes aware that Steve has secrets of his own – and the truth could change everything.rec note: ok there is, like, really weird porn in this fic but it’s a STAR TREK CROSSOVER and that’s all that really matters. and also it’s very heartfelt and the action is  r e a l l y   i n t e n s e

Your Name on Every Wall by SinealaSummary: The Time Gem throws Steve into the past rather than the future, and in doing so, it gives him the opportunity to undo his past mistakes. But when it turns out that all of his mistakes involve Tony Stark, Steve begins to wonder if he’s ever going to be able to mend things between them.rec note: wow…….stevetony…….. am i right boys?

Get Some Now by SinealaSummary: Avengers Mansion has a mysterious feline infestation. Meanwhile, Steve just can’t figure out how to ask Tony out on a date. And the thirteen teleporting cats sure aren’t helping matters any.rec note: as you all may know. i am an active member of the “tony…..but give him a cat” movement and this fic brings me great joy

Sucker Punch by Sineala Summary: Steve never quite warms to Tony Stark, Avengers benefactor. The Molecule Man never strips Iron Man out of his armor. Life goes on for the Avengers, but as disagreements split the team – and Shellhead and Winghead – again and again, Steve wonders why Iron Man always picks Tony over him. And when Steve finds out, it happens in the worst way possible.rec note: and here is a fic that does NOT bring me great joy and instead goes out of its way to hurt me in every way it can

Tony Stark Advises The Avengers by copperbadgeSummary: Somehow, Tony Stark ended up Team Dad.rec note: ANAD AVENGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zero Sum by CraitSummary: Did you do your best, Anthony? And did your best only make things worse?rec note: let ao3 user crait write marvel comics, they clearly understand tony’s character better than anyone who’s written him in the past 10 years

kat! love your all your fics you're an amazing writer! can you share some writing tips for amateur writers out here?

hi anon writing advice tag if youre looking for like...more specific answers? when it comes to writing, its a very subjective experience when it comes to finding inspiration, outline style, word choice, etc but theres a few things i think across the board are important to remember. 

going under a cut to not clog dashes

- consume as much media as you can. ex: books, music, film etc. i know for me personally im most inspired when im consuming art. i literally cannot write without music, like its genuinely so difficult because i pace my writing against the soundtrack of each scene. and the filtering, editing, and direction style of films/tv series i like will influence, in some manner, how the fic looks in my mind. yes, your plot and characters are found/uncovered in your brain and heart, but these other mediums assist in your interpretation of how youd like to express it and will help inspire the way you describe certain things. so dont be afraid to step back from a doc to consume other forms of art. for me, at least, its really important.

- keep writing and dont let yourself stop. once you decide you want to write a fic or drabble or whatever comes to mind, write it. and once that is done, write more. this is how you develop a style. you will notice the more you practice, the easier it gets. OR you will notice the more you write, the more evolved your writing becomes. this is how you form a style. here is an example: 

an excerpt from a series i was writing in 2011 in a different fandom:

No one tells you what it’s like to go insane. No one talks about it because, we, as a society, understand the chemistry and the biology of it, but we don’t understand the feeling of it. Time had started to compress, slipping around me in a computerized metronome of blood flow and heart beats that had started to tell me nothing except that I was still living. They hadn’t strapped me to the bed, but I still couldn’t leave and everything about the room started to feel like a cage. Sleep had eluded me since I was pulled out, and through the exhaustion and the haze of sameness I never knew exactly when I was beyond a date of 2266.

I was craving daylight - not the vitamin D, as I was being given a healthy dose of daily vitamins through an IV drip - the natural light and the natural warmth of it, all over my face and skin. The ceiling lights of the room provided an element of ultraviolet light, but after so many hours the falsehood of an invention began to wear a person down. It’s something you never really think about, the sun, not until you don’t have it, not until you haven’t seen it for one hundred years.

But when one hundred years feels like three days or two weeks, time really stops mattering and then the sun itself doesn’t feel so important.

from Empty Vessels, posted july 2019:

For a while, they do not speak. Minseok looks longingly out over the water, hollowed, as the herbalist regards the dirt on her shoes with an empty stare. In the silence, Junmyeon minutely nods, the bare threads of his patience allowing them space to find their words. Images spring to his mind, all imagined and none wholly formed, each as bleak and battered as the crow in Chanyeol’s arms. He wonders what Minseok has seen, unable to avoid with a clarity bordering on entrapment; he wonders what she has heard, whispers on the wind of a life he thought he’d left behind.

‘The trees are screaming,’ she announces, eyes still downcast though her voice is sharp; blunt as the edge of a sword and equally as unforgiving. ‘They’re in pain.’

It settles over him, slow and uncompromising, the notion that trees could make sound - that they would choose to. The oldest wisdom lingers in their branches, and for one brief moment, he sees her as someone as old as their roots.

i, at least, can see an enormous difference in quality and style and thats because ive been writing and writing and writing for a very long time lmao. in 2011 i was 3 years into writing fanfic consistently; at that time, too, i was still working towards my degrees and writing daily for film analysis projects. the more you write, the more you evolve so please please please dont stop just because you feel you arent experienced enough. confidence and style will come over time, just keep yourself in practice. 

- NOTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. notes on tumblr are a hot take - and while, yes, there is a need for more reblogs and more sharing of content, focusing on statistics will drive you to the brink. joseph gordon levitt released a ted talk last week on how seeking attention is detrimental to your creativity and LORD this is such a good talk because its true. one of the things he discusses is how powerful the feeling of receiving attention - in this case, notes on a fic - drives someone toward output, but is that genuine? now, of course theres always going to be different scenarios or opinions but if you are just starting out with writing please dont post a fic under the assumption or expectation of achieving a note goal. there are so many variables as to what gets notes and what does not - from algorithm to how many people are online to see it to timing to content like you cannot predict what will or will not correspond to x number of notes and x number of followers. 

instead of setting note or follower goals, set word count goals. when i first started writing for kpop i was actually a pretty concise writer. if you look at the early chapters of hero and wyrm tamer, they all would peak around 4 or 5k words. achieving 10-15K on something seemed absolutely ridiculous and impossible to me - hell, 15K was 10K words under my masters thesis count! why would i want to write that much? but now? im shook if i finish a chapter or fic and the word count is just 4K. those word count goals are exciting for me. 

nervous about word count goals? thats fine! set a goal to write a genre. always wanted to try high fantasy? dope! do it! want to write some sexy vampires? fuck yeah, everyone loves those! want to write a fic that helps you release some tension or trauma youve experienced? please do that, writing is therapy and has been scientifically proven to help. 

set goals for making characters, world building, soundtracks, to learn photoshop to make a moodboard. set goals for all kinds of things but pls dont set goals for statistics because these are so variable and very often outside of your control they will very often suck any joy out of your creativity before its had the chance to start.

i hope these help!

here’s some peak, antiblack idiocy from @vampiregirl2345:

I used to be homeless. I still wouldnt have eaten vegan food because it makes me sick (ive tried). And vegan food is always low in calories, if you want to eat healthy, and cheap meals are always high in carbs (beans and legumes are a staple). And vegan food is full of common triggers for allergies and sensitivities (see the afore mentioned soy and nuts). Also malnutrition is a big concern for homeless people already, and vegan food is notorious for being low in essential nutrients you can also get from animal protein. I dont hate vegans. I just hate when they exploit a situation to force their diet on others.

vegan food is not from another planet. vegan food is just plants. omnivores by definition consume a lot of plants in their diets. homeless people all spontaneously combust if they eat a vegetable? all plants make you sick? rice and beans with some veg on the side and a bit of fruit for after would make you sick? you subsist entirely on meat? if all you ate was meat, you would be dead. so like, don’t lie. I’m sure you’ve got some sensitivities but this is nothing short of hyperbolic and intellectually disingenuous, never mind biologically impossible.

look, food allergies and sensitivities exist, but the proportion of them in the population is low, vegan food doesn’t all somehow contain soy and nuts (you like to act like it does though), and animal products aren’t some mystical fucking super nectar perfect for all and sundry. lactose intolerance is widespread. some people are allergic to one kind of meat, others are allergic to several kinds of meat. other people aren’t allergic but animal proteins tend to upset their stomachs. there’s a whole range of conditions you could cite as an example. but you people are never out here lambasting “food for the homeless” efforts which contain animal protein, despite allergies and sensitivities to animal products being a thing. why is that, I wonder? why are you silent on that? it’s because you have an agenda and/or a bias, and it’s fucking plain as day. why do you sleep when only animal product-based options are offered? you don’t write angry posts saying that omnivores are forcing their dietary preferences on people if they do that. hmmmmm

vegan food is not always low in calories. this is just plain factually incorrect. vegan food can be very high in calories or very low in calories. it’s very easy to be an overweight vegan.

do you realize that veganism is not a specific diet but a set of ethical beliefs..? I’m not recommending all of these things, or saying they’re good, but I’m bringing them up to show vegan itself isn’t a diet, and demonstrate the variety of ways you can eat while being plant-based, good and bad. you can be an underweight vegan, you can be an obese vegan. you can eat high calorie while vegan or low calorie while vegan. you can be a vegan with an eating disorder, or a health nut vegan, or a vegan who eats mostly processed foods, takeout and junk food. you can be a vegan eating less calories than you need in order to meet weight loss goals, you can be a vegan athlete or a vegan bodybuilder. you can do vegan keto, or be raw vegan, or be whole-foods-plant-based vegan, or low carb high fat vegan, or low fat high carb vegan, or gluten-free vegan, or celiac, or do bulk eating, or be diabetic, or any one of a number of things. vegan itself is not a specific diet. it’s possible to eat a very healthy, balanced vegan diet or a very unhealthy vegan diet.

you’re out here pretending like vegan food is just salads and vegetables - but somehow also all very strange and esoteric vegetable species, which are super bad for the human body - and that even just the sight of a vegetable or other plant-based foodstuff is enough to make thousands of people in a ten mile radius come out in hives or some shit.

a healthy vegan diet includes low calorie and high calorie foodstuffs.

carbs - are - not - bad. the - human - body - needs - carbs. please learn some basic fucking nutrition, honestly, this is ridiculous.

beans are primarily proteins. 

vegan food is not notorious for being low in essential nutrients, you can get almost every nutrient you need from a vegan diet. literally entire associations of dietary experts disagree with you.

I mean your post doesn’t even make sense with the claims it contains. let’s examine them. first you say vegan food is always low in calories, then you provide examples of staples - in your own words - beans and legumes, which are not low in calories. you say cheap meals are always high in carbs, and cite beans, but beans are primarily proteins. you say vegan food is all full of soy and nuts, but the common staple examples you cite - beans and legumes - do not contain soy and nuts, and neither do the sorts of low-calorie, healthy foods you’re thinking of (salads). you say vegan food is low calorie, then you mention nuts, which are notoriously high-calorie and nutrient dense while also being small in terms of bulk and not very filling. you claim vegan food is low in essential nutrients, but don’t even provide any specific examples. you act like carbs are evil.

honestly, I’m sorry, but you just plain don’t know anything about food, or basic principles of biology and nutrition. your post is so woefully misinformed. it’s also nonsensical and very self-contradictory.

anyway, this young man isn’t exploiting a situation to force his diet on others, he is taking real action to help people and feed the homeless. this is a charitable act and he should be commended. he’s setting an example, it’s compassion, we should all strive to be more like him. white anti-vegans, shut the fuck up, don’t you dare come for this young black hero.

edit:

That hes probably feeding some people their allergens? That hes probably feeding some people stuff that give them horrible stomach aches and headaches? That vegan food is too low in calories and too high in carbs, so someone with a high calorie requirement or diabetes might be getting a raw deal? That PETA, known for its kill shelters and sexism, endorsed him? You bet im complaining.

oh my god... please... read a book on nutrition... I mean good lord

if something is high in carbs, it’s also likely high in calories. Make up your fucking mind lmao, your nutritional and medical claims aren’t even fucking coherent at this point.

a lot of bg songs are really cool, but like, don’t really grab my attention. maybe the group will join my list of groups that i “like”... but i’m not like dying to play it on repeat and learn more about the group, really. there’s a lot of gg songs and groups like this too, this isn’t unique to bgs, i’m just checking out a bunch of bgs right now so that’s what’s on my mind. like, maybe a song has a cool instrumental and is a “banger” or whatever that makes me like nod my head and bob a little in my seat, but idk... maybe my standards are too high, but i’m really looking to be blown away here, i want something that’ll make me go “WHAT? NO WAY, THIS IS FANTASTIC” lmao. it’s nice to add more groups to the always-expanding list of groups that i would say “oh yeah they’re good” about, but i want to add another group to my “favorite group” list haha. i haven’t really come across another one of those yet. 

listening to stray kids double knot a couple times now... yeah, it’s a cool song, it’s a banger, but i’m not getting a super strong sense of personality, i’m not really hooked just from one listen. and that’s fine, maybe they’re one that’s supposed to grow on you, maybe their other songs will help that (ive probably heard a couple, but i dont remember rn), but again... i’m being selfish and setting my standards too high right now haha, i’m looking to be blown away and it isn’t really doing that for me. if you love the group and hope that i will like them too, that’s still a possibility of course, i like tons of groups that arent in my 7 or 8 favorites lol. so we’ll see, but i’m not really sold yet.

ateez wonderland definitely captures my attention with the instrumental right from the beginning, and i remember thinking the same thing about their other songs (though i dont really remember specifics). but like i said in another post, i guess i just am left wanting a little bit more than they give? they have some wild elements to their sound and concept and i wish they were a little wilder and a little less serious, i dont just want something epic from them, i want something ridiculous lmao. less serious, more over-the-top. they have a lot of potential though. i don’t think they’ll be one of my favorite groups (though if i change my mind in a couple months or whatever, i won’t be that surprised), but they have the potential to be like just outside that? idk, i feel like i’m waiting for a comeback that’ll really be everything i wanted lmao. i should revisit their previous ones though. they’ve had a bunch this year right? jeez...

oneus lit is the recent bg comeback that gives me the strongest sense of personality haha. idk why its called lit and not just “lets go” since thats what the korean title means, but whatever lmao. i really like the traditional instrumentation in the song, and i like the overall energy of the song. i don’t really have as much to say here, since most of what i said for the other two was light criticism, and i don’t have as much of that for this one. yeah idk, this is the one that makes me the most interested in the group, it definitely has the most character to it, i think. i’m interested. however, i can’t really explain why, but i’m not sure how i’ll feel about the group overall, even though i think i like this song. maybe it’s just cause this obviously is a kind of concept-heavy sound and they might not always sound that way, so it’s hard to know if i’ll feel the same about other songs, or if this will be just one of those groups where i like one song and not really any of the others. it’s possible. 

anyway lmao like... i like to check out new releases even if i dont listen to the groups, i’m always down to find new stuff to like. i dont check out bgs as often, but i do now and then. and like, all of this just really puts into perspective how glad i am that pentagon exists hahaha. i heard humph the day it came out or a couple days after, i dont remember, and i didnt return to it for a while but i remember feeling like i liked it. i didnt wanna like it though lmao, because i didnt listen to any bg at the time, though eventually i fell for pentagon cause a friend of mine was really getting into them and they got me into them too haha. idk what my hangup with bgs was, i just generally prefer ggs for a lot of reasons i suppose haha, but now that i’m over all that, it makes me miss having a song as good as humph to discover. is there another bg that’ll have a song like that, overflowing with that much personality and uniqueness, that i just havent heard yet? i mean, i hope so, but im not sure lol. i wanna be thoroughly charmed lmao. 

Tag game

This is a get to know me 2019, and I was tagged by @phartography-universe​

Name: Sara

Nickname: I dunno just make up one...I have too many. Derpy, Derpa, Derp, Derpyderp, Sarsor, Sarroo, Soso, Sarar, Sarora...and a ridiculous amount of nicknames that are inside jokes so they wont make sense if I add them.

Star sign: Lmao I have no idea?

Gender: Female

Sexuality:  Under the Asexual spectrum. I dont mind being called an ace, but i guess if we get vocab-y then it’s Quoiromantic Demisexual.

Favorite color: Depends on situation? i like different colors on different things and stuff..??

Time right now: 22:06

Average hours of sleep: 2-3h 

Lucky Numbers: 75?? I feel like it’s my go-to number when i get asked for a number...i dunno why tho.

Last thing googled: Lmao this is a spoiler for the upcoming subs I guess, but I googled out some Korean movies from 2003 that one of the A.C.E members were speaking about. (I was subbing a vlive that’s soon going to be up with subs). Sehyoon said his top 3 favorite movies are: “Punch”, “All in” and “Stairway to heaven”. He was talking about different scenes and I had to google them out to sub it properly lmaoo.. the struggle honestly. 

Favourite fictional character: Kuroo maybe?? like thats what i currently feel...but it changes so often ??

What are you wearing: A black t-shirt, and some black and white pants. It’s like a PJ set I guess.

Favorite book: I havent read a lot of books...but... i would pick: And the mountains echoed, 2013, Khaled Hosseini.

Favourite musician: A.C.E thats not even hard :P

Dream job: Architect, or like an interior designer?

# of followers: 1414

When did you create your blog: I used to use this as an art-blog. but it was unsuccessful and succeed, so i deleted all content and kept it empty. I started using it as an A.C.E blog for a little less than 1yr ago. (it’s soon my first year anniversary yeyyy)

What do you post about: Here? I think everyone knows lmaoo. I update if there is any subs up from vlive, write very weird babble posts, and annoy people to vote and stream. But most importantly I make incorrect scenarios

What made you decide to get a tumblr: I got forced by my friends..funnily enough they left tumblr a while ago and here i am alone on this shit-site until the rest of my life.

When did your blog reach it’s peak: I dunno...maybe...like the first 1-2months?? i got sooo many followers in one go. now it’s slowly increasing. maybe like a couple followers daily?? 3-10 followers daily??

Do you get ask on a daily basis: haha nope like I would love to, but i guess this blog isn’t very personal so I understand that I dont

Why did you choose your url: I mean...it just says what the blog is about?

I tag no one.

which fics are you reading atm if you don’t mind sharing? ty!

Oh boy anon, oh boy.

You don’t know what you’ve done.

There will be E rated fics but they won’t solely be smut fics or too extreme.

edit: it seems like you can’t access the post from your dashboard so you have to be on my blog to see it *sighs* good job tumblr, like always.

star-crossed by realfakedoors (or anything they write, you’ll be seeing a lot of that here)

They said, once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a peaceful and prosperous kingdom, rich in romance and tradition. They said the Prince would host a ball, and choose his spouse, and they would live happily ever after.Well, they lied.

–

Keith is a Prince, and Lance lives with his shitty extended family. Neither of them are very happy, and when they meet, they’re surprised to have so much in common. Strangers, to friends, and then, well…

Meanwhile, Hunk is a sweetheart, Pidge is an iconic asexual, Shiro is a supportive Knight Dad™, Allura isn’t here for anyone’s crap, and there’s some political shit going on that forces them all together.

okay so how do i say it? it might be fave kl fic atm. this is my dirty laundry, my on thin ice. i love eveeery thing about it. i literally drop anything im doing if i see it updated. Also the last chapter? got me Shook.

also i KNOW about that big E rating there but the smut is in only one chap and i think the author marked it so it’s totally complementary and doesn’t add anything to the story so don’t worry.

breakfast on the moon by DairyFarmer (also very very recommended author!!)

Future Prom King, student body president, and all around hottie Lance McClain is abducted from his home in Arizona in 1997.

He is found decades later in the clearance section of an Earth paraphernalia store by the Paladins of Voltron.

another one of my big faves atm. everyone is very attentive of lance which is *clenches fist and wipes tear* very good. also it screams future langst and i cant wait :) (im kind of a langst hoe sorry not sorry)

let’s play pretend and hope it comes true by fevered_dreams

The Kingdom of Altea was quickly heading towards ruin. At least, it had been until the Royal Family’s eldest daughter had been born as an alpha. The people had rejoiced at her birth, and there was hope yet for a new ruler and a future secured. Even the fact that the second Royal Child had been born a beta couldn’t dampen their spirits.

Except Lance was not an beta. He was just an omega, trying his best to keep the charade going with a set of spells, pills, and all the tinctures he could brew because being an omega was dangerous. Being an omega made him something to be had, a rusted tool of barter worth less than scraps in return, and Altea couldn’t afford to let him go.

But, if Lance’s luck would have it, Prince Keith of the Blade wouldn’t mind being lied to too much.

okay okay in my defence, this one STILL doesn’t have smut. only kinda steamy make-out sessions. also don’t let the a/b/o scare you, there is talk about the dynamics but not so much in the sexual way, u’kno?

anything by BleuSarcelle, but if i have to chose one, let’s go with Of Pink Freckles and Green Moles

Lance now can see the boy’s face and he can only stare at the pretty color in the boy’s eyes before he’s suddenly being squished by two hands.

“Papa!” the boy shouts happily back at the adult that makes his way other them hurriedly. The boy hardly notices, still too fixed on squeezing Lance’s cheeks for a second longer before he giggles. “Papa, ugly!”

“Keith, no! Oh my god -”

“Ugly,” the boy repeats obliviously, patting Lance’s cheeks with a proud gleam in his eyes. “Ooh-gly!”

Lance doesn’t know what that word means but for some reason, it makes him cry harder.

[Or the one where Keith and Lance meet when they are two and three years old respectively and spend their entire childhood going through charity contests. Lance says they are rivals, Keith only hears ‘best friends’.]

super cute G kidfic.

Ground Control to Major Tom by yourfavoritetsundre

A year after Keith and Lance have a big falling out, Lance is…well, he’s not missing. He’s fine. He’s just not telling anyone where he is. Keith decides maybe the best way to apologize for being an absolute monster is to track him down.

Following Lance’s path of self-discovery, Keith starts to remember all the things about Lance he had buried years before. Because of the war, because of the Blade, because of Allura. And he starts to realize that maybe he’s to blame for more than he thought.

Meanwhile, Curtis just wants to plan his quiznacking wedding.

post-s8 fic

Written in Sand by MuseofWriting

Lance wakes up in a hospital on Earth to discover he has been missing for four months, with no memory of Voltron or the Galra. Drawn inexplicably to the desert where they found him, he discovers a hut full of research and notes that may provide the key to his missing memories. With secrets and conspiracies surrounding him, and the Garrison potentially hiding far more than he could ever have imagined, Lance grows to trust the notes in the desert - but he may not believe the person who claims he wrote them.

this one has been around for a while (a year to be precise) and i thinks its pretty aknowledged in the fandom but *shrugs* 

until we get there by starlightment

Sometimes his mind is cruel. He’ll wake in the dead of night, drowning in his sweat, choking on his tears. He’ll clutch at old bedsheets until his knuckles fade to white. He’ll shiver in the darkness, and the light blue marks beneath his eyes will start to burn, and his lungs will heave, aching for a breath that just isn’t there.

And sometimes Keith comes to visit.

Those are the best days, Lance thinks.

Those are the days when it’s easiest to breathe.

—

Or: Lance loses himself a little bit, but Keith is there to help him find it again.

post-s8 fic. i think i dont even need to present they author since they’re better know for writing something blue (i heard wonders abt it but havent found the chance to read it yet). also i cant fucking wait for their new fic like im vibrating here on my seat bc i LOVEEEE the trope of jock keith / nerd/prep lance dont judge me

sunflower by xintong (uuh i think i dont have to introduce this author either lmao)

On the morning of their first summer back on Earth, Lance receives a gift of sunflowers. A confession, a rejection, and the passage of time, all leading to the one person who’s always been there for him.

another post-s8 fic because honestly i needed healing at that time okay. super soft and cute and uuughhhh i cant deal

Pretty Ob(li)vious by msmooseberry

Lance loves make-up and being pretty while wearing it. Unfortunately, even in the world where Earth becomes one of the main centres of intergalactic communication and home to many races, his hobbies are still largely frowned upon. He never wanted other cadets at the Galaxy Garrison to find out, especially not his half-Galra crush, but that is exactly what happens. Lance prepares for the hate or ridicule at best, but the reaction he gets is something else entirely. Who knew Galra viewed lilac sparkly lips as a betrothal symbol?

keith finding lance the most beautiful being ever? uuh yeah? gimme that shit

Chestnut And Onyx by MilkTeaMiku (great author too!)

If his eyes weren’t deceiving him, Keith looked a little flushed. He crossed his arms over his chest, wings all puffed up and ruffled like he was preening. “I didn’t know you were that flexible,” he said. And then he looked angry, and his wings puffed up even more, and he stormed away. -Lance thinks his wings aren’t all that pretty, but Keith has other ideas. If only Lance knew.

langst wing-fic. what could i ask more for?

you’re lucky that’s what i like by zenstrike

Lance rescues a hamster from certain doom.

or, Lance has Keith wrapped around his little finger and doesn’t even realize it.

just. take the whole fucking thing. just take it

aaand these are the ones that appear on my feed that have been updated recently since most of them aren’t finished (sowwy). the bad thing about reading a lot of fics and having bad memory is that i already forgot half of my fave fics, probably, lmao.

After Archenemies 3/?

In honor of not getting on Tumblr tomorrow, here is part 3 of whatever this is to anyone who liked the first two parts. In all honesty idk what this part is, and it might be a little soon for what follows, but I wasn't planning on making this fic long anyways so...yeah. Here is part 1 and here is part 2 if you care. feel free to check out my other works also! enjoy! warning: I dont really edit these that much, so please be kind if you see errors! this is also shorter than what I usually write, just fyi.

Edit: heck i forgot to post the links to the previous parts...ill do it later lmao

Nova’s communicator band had gone off three times in the past hour. She had taken it off and set it on her mattress after it first went off. She didn't need the distraction, especially if that distraction was Adrian Everhart.

“Why are you still staring at that thing?” Nova looked up to see Honey in the doorway of their shared room, leaning against the cracked door frame. She was examining her polished nails. “If you look at it any longer, the filthy Renegade will be able to turn back to normal.”

Nova pushed back the chair she was sitting on in front of Honey’s vanity where Danna’s butterfly was currently trapped. It remained immobile for the most part. When Nova would start to worry if it had died, it would crawl around its little prison. “Just thinking.” About her uncle. About how they would be able to free him from the Renegades. About Nightmare. About a certain Renegade boy.

She closed her eyes, feeling a headache forming at the base of her neck.

“Well, you can think and answer your little Renegade buddies.” Honey gestured towards the communicator band resting on top of a jewelry box. “That ringing is driving me nuts. I can hear it all the way downstairs.”

Nova rolled her eyes, but picked up the band nonetheless. “It’s only gone off three times, Honey. Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Me? Not dramatic?” Honey laughed, the sound like bells. “In your dreams, sweet girl.” She strutted into the room, reached over Nova, grabbed a magazine that was open on her vanity, and sauntered back out. Her perfume lingered, stronger than ever. Nova waved her hand in front of her face. Vintage fumes were the last thing she needed for her aching head.

Her communicator band went off again, and she heard Honey yelling from the first floor to shut it off before she did. Nova looked down at the device, scrolling through her notifications. The first one, nearly an hour ago, was from Adrian.

This is last minute, but we’re meeting in the HQ library in about 30 minutes, Let me know when you get here. It’s about Nightmare.

Nova froze. That couldn’t be good. This was it, she thought. They figured her out, and this was Adrian trying to lure her into a trap to arrest her.

Taking a deep breath, she checked the next message, which was sent twenty minutes after the first.

Nova? Are you busy? If not, please respond.

The third one was five minutes after the first.

Of course you’re busy. You would’ve responded by now. Ignore my last message.

The most recent text was sent two minutes ago.

Nova? We’re all here. You’re not dead or something, are you? Please tell me you aren’t because I would be really upset.

Nova snorted, shoulders relaxing in relief. She believed she was safe, for the time being. She bit her lip, thinking of a response.

Hey. Sorry. Turns out I’m pretty sick, and my uncle took anything that could distract me so I could rest.

Nova thought back to a few days before, when she had pretended to feel under the weather in order to have an excuse to leave the visit to Max. She couldn’t stand to be there any longer without being weighed down by the guilt. It was a believable lie. Besides, she didn’t have time to do detective work with Adrian on her secret identity, nor did she have the patience for it. The quicker she and the rest of the Anarchists figured out a way to free Ace, the sooner she could drop the ridiculous Renegade charade.

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to come by later to give you some company?

The smile that grew on Nova’s face was inevitable, along with the giddy spark in her stomach. She suppressed it though, and denied his offer, pushing away all thoughts of being able to curl up against Adrian while they did something as mundane as watching a movie.

No, thank you though. My uncle is pretty strict whenever I get sick and doesn’t like visitors. Maybe another time?

She received a response almost immediately.

Definitely! I hope you get to feeling better, Nova.

It was so sweet. Nova’s heart ached. Even though she wasn’t sick, she had a feeling she would feel better soon anyways.    

Thanks, Adrian.

Nova sent the text. She debated on whether or not to send something else. Something came to mind, and she immediately cringed. Then Ace’s words floated through her mind. Earn his affection.

Well.

With a defeated sigh, Nova reluctantly sent a text with a heart.

Sweet rot, her IQ just dropped by 20.

Downstairs, Honey started singing. Nova suspected she was cleaning; she tended to sing when fixing up the old house. Nova groaned. Honey wasn’t a terrible singer, but it did not mix well with Nova’s pounding head. Maybe she was actually getting sick.

Standing from the vanity, Nova brushed off her leggings. The butterfly was moving in its prison, crawling lazily along the side of the glass. Nova bent down to eye level with it. She could’ve sworn it made eye contact with her.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” she murmured. “Maybe in a different reality we’d be friends.” She meant it, much as she hated to admit it to herself. Danna was a lot like her; it was a shame they were too alike, for that’s what got Danna trapped in the first place.

Nova sighed and rose back up. She took off her communicator band, then reached for her coat lying on the bed and headed downstairs. Honey’s trilling voice grew louder. She was singing some song about the beauty of the southern countryside.

Leroy was seated in the dimly lit kitchen, surrounded by lab equipment. Nova saw the samples of Agent N she had snatched in the past few weeks. He nodded in Nova’s direction as form of greeting, too engulfed in his work. As Nova suspected, Honey was cleaning. She was standing on a towel on top of the counter, wiping a wet rag across the higher cabinets.

Nova cleared her throat. “I’m going for a walk. You guys need anything while I’m out?”

They both chorused a “No.” Nova nodded.

“I’ll be back, then.”

“Hey, Adrian...um… come check this out,” Ruby whispered hesitantly from the computer across his. Adrien looked up from his communicator band, the faint trace of a smile on his lips from Nova’s last text. The heart was unexpected, and frankly, not like Nova at all, but it radiated Adrien’s body in warmth. The concentrated set in Ruby’s eyes made the smile fade, however.

They were in the Renegade library and archives, doing research on Nightmare. Adrian had about five open tabs about her most recent sightings and activity. One of the tabs was an article discussing the identity of the Anarchist, but the information was of no use to Adrian.

He got out of his chair and walked around the table to stand behind Ruby. Next to her, Oscar leaned over, craning his neck to see the screen. There was an unopened file in front of Ruby.

“So I was thinking about what you told us, about Nightmare being Ace Anarchy’s niece?” Adrian nodded, and Ruby continued. “Well, his last name is Artino, correct?” Adrian nodded again. “I looked up the name, and well, I guess you should see for yourself.” She clicked on the file. It was a report from about ten years ago filed by his own dad, Hugh Everhart.

Four people found dead. David Artino: age 31. Tala Artino: age 30. Evie Artino: age 11 months. One unnamed man: age unknown. Suspected Anarchist or Roach affiliation.

Forensics confirm all deaths were a result of direct trauma from bullet wounds, without prodigy interference. Prints found on the gun matched both those of the unnamed man and also those of Alec Artino (alias: Ace Anarchy).

There is reason to suspect the deaths of the three family members were done as a killing for hire. The motive for the homicide remain under investigation. See the full report as filed by Hugh Everhart (Captain Chromium) here.

Additional notes: The eldest child, a six year old girl, was not found at the scene. Neighbors have reported no knowledge of her whereabouts. A report has been made to the Renegades missing persons unit.

Oscar whistled lowly. Ruby had highlighted the last paragraph. She was watching the two boys, lips pursed. Adrian read the report, over and over again. Something about it wasn’t right.

“Was the girl ever found?” Oscar asked. Ruby answered his question by opening another file. This one was a missing persons form, dated ten years ago. 

Name: Nova Jean Artino

Age: Six (6) years old

Height: Unknown

Weight: Unknown

Description: Black hair, blue eyes, parents were Italian and Filipino.

Status: Not found

If any information is known, contact the Renegades Missing Persons Unit.

Below the information was a fuzzy picture of a girl, taken by an outdated camera probably. She grinned at the person behind the camera, a wide gap below her upper lip where two front teeth should have been. In her arms was a newborn baby, fast asleep in her sister’s arms. Adrian let out a small gasp. He took the mouse from Ruby and zoomed in on the girl’s face. Her features were chubby, but the hard set of her jaw was unmistakable.

“Great skies,” Oscar breathed. “That’s not...it can’t be..”

“It is,” Ruby confirmed, disbelief in her voice. “That’s our Nova.”

al-anon is the only social activity i have at the moment, aside from work & a volunteer project but theyre not all that “social” compared to al-anon. i listen to them talk & it makes me realize how much of a wet mop I am. i dont do shit except lay in bed all day. no fucking hobbies, no interests, cant do anything that holds my attention for more than a few seconds before ive lost interest & ready to quit. id much rather be in beeeeeedddddd like holy fuck who am i though?? im so withdrawn i dont even remember who i am and its been a legit thing lately. i cant do anything without wanting to run back home & get in bed. god it sucks so fucking much. i feel like such a blank slate. I feel like this is because of how i was raised, because my mother squashed all my hobbies anyfuckingway so why even bother. and when i say squashed, i mean she fucking killed them dead murdered in cold fucking blood. she took every bit of individuality I had and crushed it with her evil fucking rat claws. i liked anime and cartoons, she forbade them. i liked to read harry potter, she called it devil worship and then burned my books. i liked video games, she smashed my gamecube with a hammer and burned my gameboy & all my games. burned my yugioh cards. insulted my taste in music by calling it devils music bc she couldnt understand the lyrics. i couldnt wear the things i liked, i couldnt even TALK WITHOUT HER RIDICULING MY FUCKING ACCENT. HOW FUCKING CONTROLLING DO YOU HAVE TO BE. she fucking squashed ANY AND EVERY BIT OF INDIVIDUALITY I FUCKING HAD. IS IT ANY WONDER IM A WET FUCKING MOP?!?! they all talk about activities like apple picking and shit and im just like… cant relate. thats too scary for me i cant handle it. i wouldnt enjoy it & probably couldnt wait for it to end so I could go home. in fact why even bother, just save the trouble and stay home. i literally have no interest if no one else is there. why do anything alone. god who am I?? have i always been like this?? i dont think i have. at one point i had lots of hobbies. i liked to read. and draw. i really loved to draw. i liked to do jigsaw puzzles. and music. but then i liked to do schoolwork. and i liked school. and i liked all these things because they were distractions from an alcoholic abusive mother. sometimes i feel like thats the only reason i ever did those things, and did so well in school, because my motivation was to escape home & i found solace in these things. now that i dont have such an evil presence looming over me 24/7, i have no need to “escape” (lets not mention the 4 years of literal daydreaming, no no thats a different kind of escape) and it takes a lot of effort to do these things for enjoyment rather than escapism. i have nothing to escape here.

something for me to research i think. how to trick yourself to enjoy healthy coping mechanisms lmao. honestly this is one of the reasons i think i need to be medicated. depression, but i cant not mention the impending doom known as abandonment fears haha bitch you thought! i dont want to meet new people and get attached! not now not ever again! so i say. i know this is a hinderance to the progress im seeking, but honestly it just makes me mad. i hate this. i hate that im so fucking broken. i literally dont know what to do when it comes to this shit. i dont know how to properly express myself face to face without panicking. its like that option doesnt even exist! IT NEVER HAS. Ive never been able to do that without getting beat or told i was being disrespectful. its better to shut the fuck up than to speak up because when i speak she fucking hits me. i grew up with that!! and now i dont know how to speak up to strangers who arent my mom and probably wont beat me for speaking my mind, but I dont know that lol my body certainly doesnt. i dont know how to feel comfortable with strangers without feeling ridiculed or shamed its just how im fucking programmed. i literally do not. know. how. to. do. this. please fucking help me. then why i TRY to communicate it comes out angry, agressive, and triggering bc i literally have NEVER had success with this on a 1-to-1 setting. it has ALWAYS ended with me getting squashed or me doing the squashing. jesus fucking christ what the fuuuuck this shit is so fucking frustrating and definitely one of those things i wish i could just *poof* make it better. writing this out makes me realize, its one of those things im gonna have to work really hard to improve. this sucks. this sucks so much.

gonna mention this next session, god i wish i didnt have realizations directly AFTER therapy bc now i gotta wait 2 whole weeks to see what he thinks & im probably gonna find some info on it before then bc thats what i do. there’s a book i saw floating around here on body triggers, im thinking of getting it. also im kinda disappointed, i thought he was gonna teach me things today but it was just like a normal session where i talked the entire time and he barely said much at all. when are you gonna teach me things pls im running on empty fumes here ;-;

adding in post: so in the tags I talk about nurturing my relationship with god and I mentioned that I don’t like saying “you’re suffering for a reason” because thats an awful thing to say to someone who has been abused and epsecially when the abuse is still fresh, its like youre fucking justifying the pain and suffering inflicted on you and that shit is fucking triggering as fuck. but then i forgot tumblr algorithms push quotated tags to the front of the list so when I posted this and had “you’re suffering for a reason” in quotation marks, it was the first tag to show up.

I see you bitch.