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the-bi-space-ace · 4 months

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I have a migraine coming on so I present to you:

How the clones react when they have a headache:

Rex: takes so many pain pills. Refuses to let this stop him. Drinks water constantly. And yet. This man refuses to try a snack to fix his headache. Cody has had Fives and Echo hold him down so he can make Rex eat a granola bar. (The granola bar helps Rex refuses to admit it.)

Cody: refuses to admit anything is wrong. Total hypocrite. Will bully everyone else into pain relievers, snacks, and water but will never take his own advice. Quite like his above mentioned brother he will never admit to something working and has to be tricked into doing something to relieve the pain.

Fox: chews on espresso beans to make his headache a caffeinated headache. Also is just in a constant state of discomfort from not sleeping enough. His headache would go away should he drink water or nap but the man would rather down another energy drink and move on.

Wolffe: will be grumpy about it until he can nap. Is really good about finding some sort of relief and is quiet about his pain. (Likes when someone will rub his head though that helps he won’t ask for it though.)

Fives: biiiiiiig mad. Super baby about it. Immediately wants an aleve and a snack but somehow thinks drinking something with sugar will help??? Instead of water??? And he’s somehow correct every time??? Lays his head in Echo’s lap and requests a head massage and promptly falls asleep.

Echo: I think he’s good about managing pain because he doesn’t want it to impact his ability to do things. He carries snacks and water and will take a reliever if pushed (although he says he doesn’t want to take it because he doesn’t want to ‘waste’ supplies on himself. Take the damn pill Echo you’ll feel better.) Refuses to be alone when he’s in pain and would always prefer someone to just sit nearby if he’s going to nap. As long as it’s dark and calm he’s pretty quiet about it. Tries to hide it 9 times out of 10 but he’s got nosey friends and they somehow always know and bully him into taking care of himself.

Hunter: oof. Poor guy gets migraines. Can never hide it. His eyes hurt so bad. His brain feels like it’s banging against his skull. Has to take some sort of medication immediately otherwise he gets sick. He’d prefer some solitude to be in pain alone but sometimes someone will take his bandana off and play with his hair to help.

Wrecker: Hates headaches but gets them concentrated right behind his eyes. Is not quiet about the pain and will request literally anything to make it go away. Tech is excellent at playing doctor here and knows exactly the combination of things to make it go away and keep Wrecker comfortable.

Tech: if it’s bad enough he will take a sedative and pass out for twelve hours and wake up fine. Does not fuck around and will not remain uncomfortable. He gets the slightest inclination of a headache and he’s eating a mini candy bar and a piece of cheese and also drinking eight ounces of water in five minutes before trying a pill that he knows will target the root cause of the problem. Scary efficient and competent.

Crosshair: oh boy. Will make it everyone else’s problem. He hates headaches. He’ll curl into a ball in whatever dark corner he can find and snap at anyone who tries to talk to him. Best bet is to silently bring offerings of food and water and leave him be until he feels more comfortable. He will never admit it but sometimes really quiet talking or even singing can help him at least feel better.

#the bad batch #the clone wars #tbb echo #tbb crosshair #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #captain rex #arc trooper echo #arc trooper fives #commander fox #commander cody #commander wolffe

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wanderinginksplot · 3 years

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Nobody Listens to Kix

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Case 00598: Commander Ahsoka Tano

"Is that everyone?" Kix asked the last set of troopers to stagger into the medbay.

"No, there's one more," Appo said with a glance behind himself.

"Stretcher?"

"No, walking wounded." Kix relaxed at Appo's negative. The walking wounded were always in better shape than those who had to use a stretcher for transportation.

Swoop, leaning against Appo's uninjured shoulder, grinned. "This wounded soldier is probably more than 'walking', though."

"The commander?' Kix guessed, and was answered by matching nods. "What happened to her?"

"She was with the captain, so we're not really sure," Appo said slowly. "We were in the group with the general."

Kix shook his head. "Both of you, find a bed. It's going to take me a while to treat the men who are here, and neither of you are at risk of death. Best settle in for the long haul."

Still, Kix had worked his way through the wounded troopers and was finishing with two men who had received injuries more minor than Appo or Swoop. Still, the commander had yet to appear.

After he finished with the men, dismissed them to their bunks, and checked on the ones who had to stay in the medbay, Kix tried calling Commander Tano's comlink, but there was no answer. With a frustrated sigh, he keyed in General Skywalker's comlink code instead.

"Skywalker here."

"General, it's Kix. I heard Commander Tano was injured in the battle, but she hasn't come into the medbay yet," Kix said, feeling somewhere between a concerned medic and a tattling child.

"Seriously? It's been two hours!" Skywalker made a frustrated noise. "Stand by, Kix. I'll call and ask what got her sidetracked."

Kix's comlink went silent for less than a minute before the general called back. "Expect Commander Tano shortly."

Sure enough, the commander appeared only minutes later. She was walking slowly, her posture announcing that she was in pain as clearly as if she had said it. She looked clean, dressed in her casual clothes rather than her armor, but her face was weary and pale under her facial markings.

"Commander," Kix greeted with a frown. "You should sit."

Knowing she wouldn't appreciate being put in a bed immediately, Kix herded Commander Tano toward the well-worn chair tucked under his desk. She sat heavily and leaned her chin on her fist, eyes fluttering closed.

"Commander?" She made an inquisitive sound, but did not open her eyes. "Commander, I need you to tell me what happened."

"I had about twenty men with me. We were fighting to reclaim a ridge outside of Balith's capital city and the Seppie tanks fired on us. The shots went wide and missed us, but they caught the cliffs up above. There was a rockslide."

She stopped talking and Kix frowned. "None of the men had injuries from a rockslide."

"I used the Force to push them away," Commander Tano explained tiredly. "I thought I could move them out of the way and get out before the rocks reached us, but everything happened faster than I expected and I got hit. I dodged the big rocks, but some of the smaller ones got me."

"And why didn't you report here immediately?"

She shrugged. "I meant to, but I knew there were a lot of men waiting and I figured I would shower first. Then, I wanted to sleep more than anything else. Can I just go back to my bunk?"

"Sorry, Commander," Kix refused. "The big concern here is a concussion. I'm going to examine your head, all right?"

"Do I need to open my eyes?"

"Not immediately."

"Then go ahead."

Kix set about examining her montrals and lekku for damage, even going so far as to lift each one to study the undersides. She was bruised in several places, but he wasn't finding much in the way of cuts.

As he examined the commander, Kix kept up a steady stream of questions: "Are you seeing lights in your eyes? Were you unconscious at any time? Is your vision blurred? Any sensitivity to light? Headache? Nausea? Memory problems? Confusion?"

Commander Tano answered no to every question except headache with light sensitivity, but that could very well be a migraine in response to the aftereffects of a rockslide and corresponding adrenaline rush.

"Okay, we've reached the open-eyes section of the examination," he told her, and the commander reluctantly did as he had instructed.

Kix studied her pupils, relieved to find that both were the same size and normally dilated. She tracked his movements without a struggle and grimaced when he gently pinched her arm.

"Well, you've passed all of my tests," he told her, "but you still need to stay the night here so we can make sure you're resting properly."

It was a testament to how the commander felt that she didn't argue. Normally, she would have fought as hard as any one of the men to avoid spending the night in the medbay.

She paused only once to ask, "You aren't going to plug me into a machine or poke me with needles, are you?"

"No, sir. I'll wake you up fairly often and ask you some questions, but no machines and no needles."

"Good," she said with a hint of a smile. "I would hate to have to Jedi you in my sleep because you messed with a needle."

"Considering you lost a game of chicken with a rockslide earlier today, I think I could survive the experience," Kix replied dryly.

"Or did I win a game of chicken?" Commander Tano asked, clambering up and into a bed. "Besides, I wouldn't have gotten hit at all if I hadn't been protecting Rex. That cold has really slowed his reflexes…"

Kix whipped back around to face her. "What cold?" he asked dangerously.

"Uh…" the commander hedged, clearly trying to find a way out of the situation. Kix's narrowed eyes didn't leave her face and she sighed. "The cold he told me not to tell you about."

Kix nodded slowly, already keying the captain's code into his comlink.

---

A/N - Fun fact: these chapters are mostly being posted in the order they were written. I had always planned for Ahsoka's chapter to come out this week, but last week's episode of The Mandalorian really kicked things up a notch! Out of respect for those who haven't seen the episode yet, I won't say anything more. Concerning this week's chapter of this particular story, poor Rex! He's probably in for it from Kix.

Thank you for reading and extra thanks to those who have reblogged in the past. Reblogs are the best way to share the love, guys!

#Nobody Listens to Kix #star wars the clone wars #star wars #clone trooper kix #commander ahsoka tano #ahsoka tano #clone trooper appo #clone trooper swoop #rockslide #rex is in trouble #clone troopers deserve better #one-shot #but part of a series #more to come

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oldguardhc · 4 years

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Old Guard hc #56

Prompt number: 17 - “Give me a minute or an hour”

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: PG-13

Warnings/Tags: joe x nicky, fluff

AN: @flamingbluepanda encouraged me to write a Psych AU for this prompt

Joe cranes his neck to get a better look at the body. The puncture wounds are interesting, each one spaced at least four inches apart, all at differing angles, both in entrance and position meaning whatever killed this man wasn’t just a random attack. If they were closer, Joe would have thought they were bite marks and maybe they are, but the last time he checked, there were no animals in the ocean or on land with a bite-radius that large and teeth spaced that far apart. At least, there’s nothing alive today that has a 34-inch bite-radius.

“You getting something, Mr. Kaysani?” Chief Freeman asks.

Can it be? The bite marks are looking to be more of a match the longer he stares at them. “I’m…getting something,” Joe says, snatching the yellow pad and a pen from Andy and ignoring the small huff of irritation she lets out.

He starts with a brief outline, it’s been a while since he’s drawn one of these and he has to use small strokes to get the head right.

“Wait, I think this is a boating accident,” Andy says, and Joe briefly looks up to see her point at the body. “Head trauma from…from falling off the boat. Hit a motor maybe?”

The eyes are tricky. Should they be looking straight or at the viewer? Joe decides the viewer for a more startling effect.

“The wounds on his back, they were caused by a…by an industrial crab trap. Yes, a crab trap. Or a whale. A lonely whale that got lost from its pod and traveled East, West. Saw our floating guy from below, thought it was a seal and…you know, had a little chomp.”

The teeth are definitely not his best work. The teeth to mouth ratio are way off and they’re definitely not as uniform in real life like he drew them. It’ll have to do for now. He adds a little shading to the drawing, giving it a more realistic appearance.

“A whale?” Booker slowly asks, when it seems like Andy is finally done with her explanation.

“What’s your guy got?” Nicky immediately shoots back, coming to his partner’s defense.

Joe can practically hear Booker’s smug look, “Watch and learn, Genova. Watch and learn.”

“Alright Kaysani, show me what you got,” Chief Freeman says.

Joe blows on paper and holds the pad to his chest, hiding his drawing from a peaking Andy. “First of all, I would like to say that this is not my best work. It’s a very rough sketch, the shading isn’t finished, the torso is a little plump and the teeth are…they’re not completely accurate. If I had more time, I would’ve definitely given them more shape, more individual characteristics. If I had my druthers, I'd have done this in charcoal.” Booker gives him an understanding nod and Joe would high-five him if he was standing right next to him, “You know what I’m talking about! Almost nothing beats a good charcoal drawing-“

“Mr. Kaysani!” Chief Freeman interrupts, crossing her arms and tapping her feet. “The verdict?”

Joe dips his head in apology, “Yes! Look, the key was in the puncture wounds,” Joe says, using his pen to point at said wounds. “They’re very unique puncture wounds. So unique in fact, that I was able to draw a semi-accurate profile of our attacker.” Chief Freeman gives him the look that says ‘Well? Get on with it’ and Joe turns the pad around and smirks at Andy.

Both Andy and Chief Freeman do a double-take and lean forward to get a better look. He resists the urge to flinch. It’s really not his best work and it shows. After a second of intense scrutiny, Chief Freeman shakes her head with a slight scoff and stalks off.

“Chief? Where are you going?” Joe calls out, still holding his drawing up. The culprit is right here! Well, not here here but here on paper. She’s halfway up the beach already and doesn’t even turn around to acknowledge he spoke. Great.

“Nice work, Kaysani,” Andy says, snatching her pen and pad back, a pleased look on her face, and runs to catch up to the Chief.

“A dinosaur?” Booker asks, mouth downturned, fingers working the buttons in his sleeves to roll them back down to a more professional length. No, we were supposed to get fish tacos after this. “Jesus, Joe. You couldn’t have shot for something in the last million years?”

Joe places his hands on his friend’s chest and steps in his way, “Give me a minute, or an hour to prove it was a Tyrannosaurus rex.” Booker shakes his head, the disappointed look doing funny things to Joe’s stomach, pats Joe on the shoulder, and steps around him to leave.

Great, just great. Even his best friend didn’t believe him. Joe rubs his temples, he can feel a faint throb and he hopes that it’s just a regular throb and not a foreshadow for a migraine.

“I thought the drawing was pretty good.”

Joe drops his hand and turns around. Nicky has that faint smile on his lips that Joe’s still trying to figure out if it means he likes Joe or likes likes Joe. He’s already made it obvious on multiple occasions how he feels about Nicky.

With Nicky’s looking at him like that, it’s so easy to smile. “Thanks!” And because no one else is here to witness his humiliation, he makes his smile a little more flirty. “You know, I can always use a live model.”

Nicky cocks an eyebrow at him, the faint smile still there, maybe even a little wider if Joe’s not delusional. “I’m going to go calm Andy.”

“Don’t die, I’d hate to miss your pretty face.” A light blush creeps up Nicky’s neck as he nods and jogs back up the beach.

Joe doesn’t stare at Nicky’s ass. He doesn’t, because that would be rude and Nicky is more than a beautiful body.

It’s a good thing the only witness is a dead body.

Joe turns back to the dead body. “Definitely not a boating accident.”

—

Joe slumps against the growing mound of dirt. He’s exhausted. He feels like he completed an Iron Man and climbed Mount Everest twenty times. Who knew being shot at could be so draining? To make matters worse, the throb from this morning was a foreshadow. His eyeballs are going to explode any second now with how strong his head is pounding. He digs his knuckle into the valley between his eyes until it hurts, it’s a different hurt than the one going on behind his eyes though, that it feels strangely good.

Joe sighs, at least one good thing happened today; he was right about the body. It’s a real shame he doesn’t have ‘Use a 20-year-old Tyrannosaurus rex model built by a 9-year-old Booker to solve a murder case’ on his bingo card. He would’ve been the only one to mark it down.

A bottle of water is placed on his lap and Joe opens his eyes, a ‘thanks, Booker’ on his tongue. Except, it’s not Booker standing above him, it’s Nicky.

Joe musters up the best smile he can despite feeling like death has crawled its way inside him through his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Your head’s been hurting all day,” Nicky says, crouching down, a small frown on his face. He pulls two packets out of his pocket and holds them out to Joe. One’s red and the other’s green. “I didn’t know if it was a regular headache or a migraine, so, I got both.”

Joe stares at the two packets. Nicky bought him medicine. Nicky saw that he was hurting and brought him something to feel better. Joe swallows the lump in his throat, reaches out for the red packet. “Thank you,” Joe says, brushing his fingers with Nicky’s.

The corners of Nicky’s lips tick upwards, “No problem.”

Joe tears the packet open and dumps both pills in his hands before tossing them into his mouth. Nicky has the bottle of water open and held out for him and Joe takes it with a grateful nod. Even though he swallows the pills on the first gulp, he finishes the whole bottle. Only when he’s done, does he remember that Booker might want some too.

“I gave him a bottle too,” Nicky says and that’s a sign, right? That has to be a sign of how amazing they would be together. “The pharmacist said those pills should work in 15 minutes.” Joe nods, he’s intimately familiar with the wonders of Excedrin. He would’ve taken one around lunch if they hadn’t been following another lead at the time.

“Thank you,” Joe repeats, closing his eyes again even though he wants nothing more than to stare into Nicky’s gorgeous blue eyes. He hears and then feels Nicky settle beside him, no doubt getting his suit all dirty, and he’s doing that for Joe.

“Is there anything else I can do?”

Joe shakes his head, “You’ve helped a lot already. We just have to wait now.” Joe resumes his earlier ministrations, digging into that spot that hurt but was a better hurt than the one inside.

Cold fingers slide over his own, “Don’t press too hard, you’ll hurt yourself,” Nicky chides.

Joe grabs Nicky’s wrist and guides those cold fingers until they’re covering his eyes. Relief instantly hits and Joe presses those cold fingers harder against his eyes.

“Should’ve gotten an ice pack,” Nicky mutters to himself.

“S’fine, your hands are working.”

They sit in silence as they wait for the pills to kick in. Every few minutes, Nicky switches hands and Joe doesn’t even have to hold his wrist anymore. He knows how hard to press and it’s nice. It’s really nice. He can almost ignore Booker digging in the background and the occasional splash of dirt that rains down on both of them.

“Never thought my poor circulation would come in handy,” Nicky jokes when the migraine finally subsides.

Joe grins and reaches out to press a kiss to both palms. “They were lovely.”

“Please tell me I’m not going to have to listen to you two flirt the entire night,” Booker calls out from the hole. “I don’t want you two ruining my discovery.”

Excuse me?

“Your discovery?” Joe asks, crawling over the mound to look down at Booker. He’s made an impressive amount of progress. Probably only six more feet before they hit the skull.

Booker stabs the shovel into the dirt, both of his hands coming up to rest on his waist. “I’m digging, so yes, my discovery.”

Joe makes an outraged sound, “I found the right hole!”

“It wasn’t a hole! I’m making it a hole!” To prove his point, Booker picks up the shovel and tosses the next scoop at Joe.

Joe should’ve seen that one coming.

“Alright, I’m going to go home. Have fun digging, boys,” Nicky says and when Joe turns around, he’s brushing dirt off himself. “I’ll see you later?”

Joe nods his head probably a little too enthusiastically, “Definitely. Thank you again for the pills. I’d still be dying if you hadn’t have come back.”

Nicky smiles, the small one, and one day Joe’s going to see if he can get him to grin ear-to-ear, lips stretched so wide his cheeks will hurt. But not today. Today, he’s going to make history by being the first Psychic Paleontologist.

Nicky dips his head again and yeah, Joe hates to see him go but he sure as hell loves to watch him leave.

That ass is definitely better than a charcoal drawing.

A new spray of dirt rains down on him and that’s it.

It’s a shame no one is there to hear Booker’s loud yelp as Joe tackles him to the floor. Oh well, it’ll live rent-free in Joe’s mind forever.

#joe x nicky #the old guard #booker #nile freeman #fictober20 #andromache the scythian #hc

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padawansuggest · 5 years

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Obi-Wan: Hey. So. I have a sudden thought.

Mace: *big tired sigh* Do inform us, Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan: Okay, so, y’all remember last week when Anakin and I got loaded on like fifteen different drugs and he asked me to find ‘that weird itchy bond thread in his head, you know that one that makes him feel like there’s a worm in his brain but he can never focus well enough to find the source’?

Depa: ...the entire order remembers that incident, if only because you projected yourself into his head so hard you accidentally gave ten people migraines and three whole species declared speciesism on what must have been a non-human practice you were trying.

Obi-Wan: Speciesism, bah, fuck off if it works it works. Humans, as we all know, are the sluts of the galaxy, we’ll bond with anything!

Mace: ...Obi-Wan, was this going somewhere? Other than in the trashcan with my breakfast that day?

Obi-Wan: Okay. So. See. I followed that itchy line he couldn’t grab a hold of. And it lead. To Chancellor Palpatine. Whom I used to leave alone with my padawan when he was a little boy. Whom apparently recently told Anakin that we would kick him out of the order if we found out about Padme and his’s relationship. Whom, apparently, is force sensitive and had uninterrupted access to my padawan’s mind when he was little and I was experiencing too much grief to understand that an adult man asking to be alone with him was. Huh. Predatory. Because Master used to take care of that shit for me when I was younger and I was too heartbroken to remember that whenever strange adult men asked to be alone with me Master gave a firm no and a private lecture on all the places I shouldn’t let strangers touch me.

Council: ...

Yoda: ...why... the council allowed this, why?

Mace: Wait, yeah. I remember saying OKAY to letting your underage padawan alone with. A man. Who was twice my age. Why did I agree to that?

Obi-Wan: *stressed daddy noises* I don’t KNOW!! Maybe for the same reason that Ani LITERALLY could not touch that bond thread attached to the man??? I checked that bond, really carefully! It was a training bond! I damn near took a hack saw to it in panic and sent us BOTH to the infirmary!

Mace: *stressed noises too* Why are you just now bringing this up?

Obi-Wan: Becauee I’ve been drowning my liver for the past week wondering why I let a man do that to my young, YOUNG padawan under my care. I thought it was my fault and I panicked and found the nearest bottle of vodka and then things went black for a few days.

Depa: Obi-Wan, this isn’t your fault. And we need to handle it. Did the Chancellor notice when you severed the bond?

Obi-Wan: I’d be fucking shocked if he didn’t, since I panic severed it, but the good news is, I genuinely did such a bad job at it that when he... politely, called the temple later to ask if Anakin was okay, since ‘he just felt anxious and wanted to know if things were going alright’ I told Che to tell him that Anakin touched an artifact he shouldn’t have and it acted like a mental attack on him and sent him to the healing halls. He doesn’t know I did it, he just knows something hit the bond real hard and it might be broken now. I... I have Rex and a group of clones on rotational shifts to keep an eye on him. He hasn’t been alone since.

Mace: Good. We need to keep a close eye on him now that this has happened. We’ll contact senator Amidala and ask her to come to the temple while we figure this out, since the Chancellor knows about their relationship. Poor man, thought we would punish him for finding love in this terrifying galaxy.

Yoda: Will be well taken care of, find out what pain the Chancellor has caused, to many young lights of our order. *looks carefully at Obi-Wan*

Obi-Wan: *still making stressed Master noises* This past year has been terrible, this war, god a full year of war we’ve been at. We need to end this soon. Protect the clones, protect our students. And we might be being played from both sides. We need to figure this out.

#star wars #incorrect star wars quotes #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #clone wars #incorrect clone wars quotes #mace windu #fix it au #anidala #sheev palpatine #yoda #depa billaba #obi finds out about ani while high and then blames himself for baby hurting poor man #someone give him therapy that didnt come from a still #the broken thread

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wewithus · 7 years

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The Five Minutes for Freedom series is a collection of small, step-by-step walkthroughs designed to help you take concrete political action in support of the principles of We With Us. The articles in the series are designed to be read and their steps followed in order, as later posts frequently build on earlier ones. A chronological index of all posts in the series can be found here. While this information is targeted primarily at US readers, we welcome readers from all countries and encourage you to adapt these strategies as necessary for your jurisdiction.

5M4F 11: Protest by Phone (Round 2) [Sessions, Tillerson, Bannon, and the repeal of the Affordable Care Act] Dependencies: 5M4F10. (TIME SENSITIVE)

I posted a preview of this when the Senate confirmation hearings started on Tuesday, but I’ll give you the full run down here: this week and next (at least), your 5M4F tasks will be to script, and then make, calls to your representatives to ask them to rigorously vet and ultimately reject the confirmation of Trump’s most dangerous cabinet and White House appointments, to protest those appointments after the fact, and/or to object to top-level legislative priorities of the incoming administration.

Two of the appointments you’ll be protesting this week are cabinet appointments and require Senate approval: Jeff Sessions and Rex Tillerson (nominated for Attorney General and Secretary of State, respectively). The third, Steve Bannon, is being appointed to a White House position that does not require Senate approval, but you still need to call your representatives and put pressure on them to act in opposition to his appointment. Your voice is also urgently needed to halt the repeal of the Affordable Care Act.

The basic thrust of the task is pretty simple: write yourself a script that you can use to walk you through your calls to your representatives (there is an in-depth breakdown of this process in 5M4F5, which is also excerpted behind the cut), then give your local field offices a series of calls to protest these appointments. To be most effective, you want to only call your representatives about one issue at a time, so you will need to make multiple calls throughout the week to best keep your calls focused and to the point.

I also strongly urge you to share this information with your friends and family offline and encourage them to join you in making calls with you. Our goal should be to keep the phones ringing at every field office in the country, all week long, demanding that our elected representatives do their jobs, i.e., represent us.

If you want to do this all in one go: unfortunately, these can’t be completely finished all in one go, because of the issue of keeping individual calls focused on a single issue. Also, it is probable that your local field office will be closed on Monday because of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. But what you can do is script all your calls together (that you can do today, and it’s basically a copy-paste job, so it shouldn’t be too onerous), then make your three calls about Sessions in one block on Tuesday, your three calls about Tillerson in one block on Wednesday, et cetera.

If you want to do this five minutes at a time: easier! Your three scripts for a single appointee will probably only take you about five minutes to assemble, and one call will probably take about five minutes to make. You can sprinkle your scripting throughout the day today, and sprinkle your calls throughout your field offices’ business hours during the week; or script your calls about Sessions today, then call about Sessions and script for Tillerson Tuesday; whatever.

You might want to actually make your ACA calls first, potentially—as I understand it, the actual confirmations of Sessions and Tillerson can't happen until just after the inauguration. They can do more harm to the ACA before that.

There is some starter info on each of the four nominees/appointees/issues, with reasons to call about them, behind the cut; as well as a template for your scripts, and some info about what to do if you can’t make calls. Shortcut links:

Jeff Sessions.

Rex Tillerson.

Steve Bannon.

The Affordable Care Act.

A note on how to protest amid breaking news.

How to write your scripts.

What to do if you can’t make calls.

Once you've made your calls, check in on this week's poll to let your fellow humans know you've got their backs!

Jeff Sessions (nominated for Attorney General): Jeff Sessions has a long history of racist remarks and is virulently anti-immigrant. Paraphrasing from that article: his only problem with the KKK is that they smoke weed, and he opposes both amnesty for undocumented workers and in fact legal immigration as well, arguing that it depresses wages and swells welfare rolls, neither of which is true. He also doesn��t believe in man-made climate change, and since climate change has a greater impact on the poor and other vulnerable groups than it does on wealthy and privileged groups, climate change is in fact a human rights issue. He also supports banning Muslim immigration to the United States and will almost certainly work to dismantle the progress that has been made under the Obama Administration in almost every area of criminal justice reform and civil rights. This post on The Guardian tracks the questions put to Sessions during his confirmation hearings on Jan. 10-11th and the concerns raised about his record and may be useful to you in identifying the role your senators are playing in the process.

Rex Tillerson (nominated for Secretary of State): Tillerson is not only historically unqualified to be Secretary of State, he also has a history of acting in direct opposition to American foreign policy interests in Iraq and deep, long-term ties to Russian state businesses and political operators, which should be really, really worrying no matter where you fall on the political spectrum. Let’s be really clear: this isn’t “red-baiting”. The reason why everyone reading this should be very concerned about the new administration’s affection for and deference to Russia is because—directly quoting from that NY Times article—”...today’s Russia isn’t Communist, or even leftist; it’s just an authoritarian state, with a cult of personality around its strongman, that showers benefits on an immensely wealthy oligarchy while brutally suppressing opposition and criticism.“ Lest you still believe that Russia is a country that is on the side of the left: Russia has incredibly restrictive laws against LGBTQ people, scores 148 out of 180 in the world in rankings of countries by the degree of freedom afforded to the press, and is currently moving to decriminalize domestic violence. It also directly interfered with our ability to hold a free and fair election, not just via hacking but also manipulating not only Trump but also Jill Stein, because the importance of the third-party vote in taking down Hillary Clinton. Russia is not a friend to American interests (or EU interests, or NATO interests)—but it is a friend to Exxon-Mobile. All of this, particularly when combined with Tillerson’s track record of failing to prioritize American interests, means that his confirmation would directly threaten your rights and the rights of your fellow humans. This post on The Guardian covers some of the key details from his confirmation hearing on Wednesday; their liveblog of the confirmation hearing is much more detailed (recommended) but also covers the Trump press conference, since it was going on at the same time, so some of the details of the confirmation hearing itself are getting buried. (Note: this is probably not an accident.)

Steve Bannon (appointed as Chief Strategist and Chief Counsel): Steve Bannon is a racist, xenophobe, misogynist, and anti-Semite, darling of the KKK, whose only qualification is spreading fake conspiracy news a.k.a. racist propaganda on the internet. He also has extraordinary sway over Donald Trump. Steve Bannon is really, really dangerous. We need to keep him from ever getting to the White House. However, because he’s not being appointed to a position that requires Senate confirmation, when you’re making your calls about Bannon, you basically want to ask your representatives to block other things Trump wants to get done until he fires Bannon. Make it clear to them that Bannon in the White House is an affront to American democracy and American ideals, and we need to give him the boot.

The Affordable Care Act: The Affordable Care Act is historic legislation that brought health insurance to huge swathes of Americans who were either previously unable to afford health insurance or unable to purchase health insurance due to pre-existing conditions (full disclosure: this includes me, personally, because I have migraines; my migraine medication cost also dropped from $76 a pill before I had insurance to $6 a pill with insurance. When I have a migraine and no medication I consistently end up being treated for uncontrolled vomiting in the ER.). It has helped keep people out of poverty and dramatically reduced racial disparities in coverage. The incoming administration wants to dismantle the law, starting with the individual mandate (which is absolutely critical to making the ACA economically viable for insurers); while they ostensibly say they want to replace it with ~something~, in the six years since it passed, they have come up with absolutely fuck all. Both houses of Congress have already passed the legislative first steps to dismantle the ACA--it’s starting! Call your representatives as soon as possible to let them know where you stand and how they can keep your vote the next time they’re up for re-election. You can find out how your representative in the House voted here--notably, nine Republicans crossed the aisle to vote with Democrats against the bill--and how your senators voted here--only Rand Paul crossed the aisle on that one.

A note on protesting amid breaking news: Because I’m drafting most of this a few days before it’ll go live, and because I can’t know when, precisely, you’ll actually make your individual calls, the exact nature of how you protest these appointments and laws may need to change a little bit based on how far the confirmation/legislative process has got by the time you’re calling. Also, I’m going to be copy-pasting a lot of this post to make next week’s post, which will cover a very similar set of tasks, just different people and different topics.

So. If the nominee you’re calling about is still undergoing confirmation hearings, then encourage your senators to rigorously question the nominee on issues critical to protecting the rights of your fellow humans. If the confirmation hearings for that nominee are finished, focus instead on encouraging your senators to vote against the nominee’s confirmation. If the confirmation has already gone through, either thank or criticize your senator’s vote, depending on which way they voted; and in any case make it clear to them that you continue to watch their voting behavior to see whether or not they will have your vote in 2018 (or 2020, or 2022--it’s worth also taking a second to check when your particular senators will next come up for re-election, if you don’t know off-hand, because of the Senate’s weird six-year terms. Senators up for re-election in 2018 are listed here. Senators up for re-election in 2020 are listed here. Senators up for re-election in 2022 are listed here.).

Similarly, when you’re calling about legislative priorities, depending on what has happened around that legislative issue since this post went live, you will either be urging your representatives to vote a particular way; or be thanking or criticizing their vote, depending on which way they voted, and making it clear to them that you continue to watch their voting behavior to see whether or not they will have your vote in 2018 (or 2020, or 2022).

Also, when you call your congressperson in the House about Cabinet appointments, since the House doesn’t vote on Cabinet appointments, just encourage your House representative to go on-record as opposing the nomination. The goal here is to make a lot of noise, and also to try and muster the political left to come together and resist the incoming administration with full-throated determination and conviction.

Anyway, to handle how fast this is moving, I recommend that you plan on searching a reputable news source, like The Guardian, shortly before you make your calls, for any breaking-news updates on the confirmation process that may require you to tweak your scripts.

How to Write Your Scripts (excerpted from 5M4F-5):

The basic phone script for calling your representatives goes something like so:

Hi, {can I ask who I’m speaking to? <, if they don’t say when they pick up>} [Jot their name down.] Hi, <their name>. My name is <your name> and I’m one of <your representative’s name>’s constituents in <where you live>. I wanted to let <your representative’s name> know that I strongly <support | oppose> <the thing you’re calling about>, because <succinct explanation of reason why you’re calling>. Is <your representative’s name> planning to <do the thing you want>?

Then you have to plan for a few different responses:

They’re with you: Thank you. Could you please let <appropriate pronoun> know that <expression of gratitude> and <indication that you will continue to watch your representative’s behavior and hold them accountable>?

They’re neutral: This subject is very important to me because <longer, more in-depth and emotive reason why you’re calling>. I would very much appreciate it if you could let <your representative’s name> know that I feel very strongly about this and would really encourage <appropriate pronoun> to <do the thing you want>. Is there any way I could follow up with you or <appropriate pronoun> later?

They oppose you: This subject is very important to me because <longer, more in-depth and emotive reason why you’re calling>. Can I ask why <your representative’s name> is <not doing the thing you want>? [Let them give you a reason, and write it down.] Okay, thank you. I understand <appropriate pronoun> concerns, but as one of <your representative’s name>’s voting constituents, I would really appreciate it if <appropriate pronoun> revisited <appropriate pronoun> decision because <alternate succinct explanation of reason why you’re calling>. Is there any way I could follow up with you or <appropriate pronoun> later?

<expression of gratitude>! <polite send-off>!

I want to point out that you probably don’t actually really need to plan for all of these responses. You can probably make a pretty good guess where your representative stands based on their party affiliation. However, especially if your representatives are moderates and often vote across the aisle, it’s not a bad idea to spend a little time planning for all three cases, because then your behind is covered, and you can recycle this language over and over on later calls, to different representatives. And yes: we will be calling other representatives.

This is the sample script that I wrote back in November, on a different issue and to Barbara Boxer, who has been replaced by Kamala Harris, but it gives you an idea how the Mad-Libs-filling process works:

Hi, {can I ask who I’m speaking to? <, if they don’t say when they pick up>} [Jot their name down.] Hi, <their name>. My name is <Ginny Washington>, and I’m one of <Senator Boxer>’s constituents in <West Hollywood>. I wanted to let <Senator Boxer> know that I strongly <support> <her resolution to amend the Constitution to eliminate the Electoral College>, because <I think every American’s vote should count equally>. {I just wanted to thank her for all her hard work on behalf of the principles of equal representation and equal protection under the law.}

<Thank you so much for your time>! <Have a nice day>!

If you can’t make calls: I recommended before that if you can’t make calls, you copy down snail mail addresses so you can send snail mail letters, and that you grab an email address or online contact link no matter what. Calls are the most effective, if you can make them, but please, do send snail mail letters if you can’t, or an email if you also can’t swing a stamp or get to a post office. You can use the script above as a template for your letter, but you’re probably going to want to default to assuming that your representative opposes you, and you’ll have to of course make it sound like a letter and not a phone convo.

If you care about correct forms of address: weirdly, because these things are super arcane, technically the correct way to address your senator or representative is still “The Honorable <whoever>”, as in, “The Honorable Barbara Boxer.” That goes on the envelope. You can then write “Dear Mr./Mrs./Ms. <whoever>” as your salutation.

#we with us #5m4f #five minutes for freedom #oppose jeff sessions #oppose rex tillerson #oppose steve bannon #save the aca

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funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

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Fantasy Football: The Case Against Evan Engram

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/fantasy-football-the-case-against-evan-engram/

Fantasy Football: The Case Against Evan Engram

This article is part of The Fantasy Court series, be sure to check out The Case For Evan Engram by Matthew Betz (@TheFantasyPT). Check out where Andy, Mike, and Jason have Evan Engram projected in the Ultimate Draft Kit.

Opening Statement

Today, we tackle the difficult case of Evan Engram’s questionable — nay, downright criminal — acquisition of a top-five ranking in fantasy football. The defendant’s spokesman, the esteemed Matthew Betz, will likely cite Engram’s incredible rookie season as evidence of his innocence. And I admit, the evidence appears strong: the man had 64 receptions for 722 yards and 6 touchdowns, truly revelatory stats for a first-year talent at the position.

Yet, 2017 in MetLife Stadium was much like London and Paris at the beginning of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. Namely, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the spring of hope for Engram and his young, blossoming career, but it was also the winter of despair (read: “injury”) for everyone else in New York.

As such, if it pleases the court, I will attempt to show why Evan Engram’s suspect possession of 115 targets in 2017 was the direct result of his inflated fantasy production and why said production will dip considerably in 2018, robbing drafters of their championship dreams.

The Return of the King (and a Prince or Two)

As I’m sure you all remember, Odell Beckham Jr. — arguably the most talented young receiver in the game and certainly the best pass-catcher on the Giants — missed the final 11 games of 2017 with a fractured ankle. What you may not remember is that the next two names on New York’s opening depth chart also missed hefty chunks of the season. Sterling Shepard was officially inactive for five total games and less than 100% in several others, as he dealt with ankle, hamstring, and migraine issues throughout the year. Additionally, then-newly-acquired Brandon Marshall missed every game after Week 5, leaving Roger Lewis and Tavarres King (who only played eight games himself) as the WR target leaders behind Shepard.

If you just said, “Who?!” to the monikers of Lewis and King, you’re starting to get the picture. The Giants’ dearth of wideouts in 2017 reached truly epic proportions and was — I would contend — directly responsible for the astronomical 115 targets accrued by Evan Engram. For reference, that was the second-most in the league, behind only Pro Bowl shoo-in Travis Kelce.

Now, OBJ will return to a field he unquestionably dominates. The super-elite wideout had totaled no fewer than 130 targets in a season before last year — and the 130 was in his 12-game rookie season. He’s a lock for 150-160 targets, or around double the target count of any WRs playing alongside Engram last season.

We haven’t yet mentioned the touchdowns. Beckham’s yearly 16-game pace has been about 13 receiving touchdowns … and he tied for the most among Giants’ wideouts last year with 3 TDs in four games. There will be a lot more competition in the red zone with OBJ on the field, which could easily knock a couple scores off Engram’s total.

Tony Quinn/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Throw in a healthy Shepard entering his third season in the NFL, and you may have another guy capable of 110-plus targets and several scores. We’re already running out of room for Engram to repeat his 2017 target-hoggery and corresponding fantasy brilliance.

While the WR3 position is still less than impressive (New York only added Cody Latimer and Russell Shepard in the offseason), there is another pass-catcher entering the fold that could have a big impact on Engram’s prospects.

A New Hope

Unless you just came back to fantasy football today, you’ve probably heard of Saquon Barkley. Barkley was the No. 2 pick in the NFL Draft this spring and enters the league with more hype and expectation than any rookie running back since Ezekiel Elliott — and possibly more. I won’t go into the justifications for the hype here, but check out Corey Evans’ Rookie Profile and my own mini-breakdown of Barkley’s landing spot. Suffice it to say, the young man can play football.

So how does this affect Evan Engram, a tight end? Funny you should ask! In fact, it’s in more ways than one.

First, if it isn’t obvious, Barkley is the heralded pass-catcher I referenced above. With 102 receptions in three college seasons, the Penn State product is potentially a Le’Veon-Bell-level receiving talent. Where the shell of Shane Vereen managed to lead NYG backs in targets (53) and receptions (44) last year, Barkley figures to step in and explode. If you have access to the Ultimate Draft Kit, you can find Andy, Mike, and Jason’s projections for Barkley (and all other relevant fantasy players) — all three have the rookie down for between 60 to 69 receptions. (If you don’t have the UDK, go get it, I’ll wait). Personally, I think he could top 85 targets and 70 receptions, but whatever the exact number, he will snag a hefty share of Eli Manning‘s pass attempts in 2018.

Not only that, a chunk of those targets are likely to be just the sort of safety-valve opportunities that Engram thrived on in 2017. Engram’s aDOT (average depth of target) last year was a middling 8.8 yards, lower than Gronk and Kelce, veterans Greg Olsen and Delanie Walker, and fellow rookies O.J. Howard and David Njoku. If Manning needs a reliable target when the line breaks down, Engram could now be the fourth read behind OBJ, Barkley, and even Shepard, instead of the first.

The second big reason for concern is red zone usage. The one place Engram could have potentially improved on his 2017 numbers, to make up for the expected drop in targets, would be touchdowns. He had a respectable six scores as a rookie, but all of them came on red zone targets and five of them came on plays inside the 10-yard line. Expect the Giants to look to Barkley often in these critical situations (not to mention veteran thumper Jonathan Stewart), further limiting Engram’s upside in fantasy.

Back to the Future (of Game Scripts)

Okay, I’m stretching the awesome-movie-series-headings bit to the breaking point, but hear me out here. The New York Giants have not had a running back break 225 carries since Ahmad Bradshaw did it in 2010. They haven’t topped 405 rushing attempts as a team since 2014 — league average is around 425. Last year, in Engram’s voluminous rookie season, they led the NFL in pass attempts with 608.

It certainly didn’t help that their defense ranked 31st in yards allowed and 27th in points allowed in 2017. They were truly atrocious, with down years from edge defender Olivier Vernon and cornerback Janoris Jenkins, and inconsistency from a former top-10 pick, cornerback Eli Apple. Still, they have some highly talented players and an overall rush defense and secondary that Pro Football Focus ranks in the top half of the league (14th and 15th respectively). It won’t take much to improve on last year’s debacle.

Combine a potential defensive improvement with a bolstered offensive line (including LT Nate Solder and rookie LG Will Hernandez) and the addition of Saquon Barkley, and you’re looking at a team in far fewer negative game scripts than they saw in 2017 (when they went 3-13). Heck, Jason Moore himself considers them a dark-horse Super Bowl contender! Theoretically, all of that means fewer pass attempts, which means that Engram’s already-reduced target share will translate to even less raw production. Especially with Eli Manning on the waning side of his long and semi-illustrious career, it would not be surprising to see the team’s pass attempts to drop by close to 100 in 2018.

Conclusion

Let me be clear, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I do not intend to besmirch Evan Engram’s talent or personal character, lest I open myself to a countersuit for defamation and/or libel. The young man is an extremely gifted football player with a bright future. However, I refuse to allow Engram’s 2017 impersonation of an elite, target-hogging tight end to adversely affect his draft price in 2018. Over the past five years, top-five tight ends in fantasy have averaged a cool 120 targets per season. To truly reach a stratosphere worthy of the TE5 ranking and 6th-round ADP to which Engram currently holds the claim, he would likely need to improve on his 2017 production.

Simply put, it’s not happening this season. Engram’s target count will drop well into the double-digits, and even if he improves on very poor 2017 efficiencies, that won’t be enough to break the top five. Engram will be a TE1, but I would take seven tight ends ahead of him in drafts (including Jimmy Graham, Delanie Walker, and Trey Burton), and wouldn’t even sniff him until the 8th round. Sadly, you will never get him at that price, and will instead be forced to roster Engram over upside RBs like Rex Burkhead and Marshawn Lynch or strong WR2 candidates like Sammy Watkins and Julian Edelman. Steer clear Foot Clan, or end up sniffling your way through the loser’s bracket when fantasy playoffs roll around.

Source: https://www.thefantasyfootballers.com/articles/fantasy-football-the-case-against-evan-engram/

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padawansuggest · 5 years

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So anyways, I’m bored and y’all always seem to like when I talk about new AUs and I’m in a good mood so lets dissect a new one that I’m finalizing details for rn. Let’s call this the Initiate Clone AU.

Sounds pretty self explanatory right? Wrong!

So anyways, one day, Master Qui-Gon Jinn of little 12 year old Xanatos, a worried Master, takes his padawan to the main healing hall in the temple (I headcanon that the temple would have a healing Hall in the crèche too, but rn they’re closer to the adult healing hall and also the babies are loud and that’s not good for headaches) when he suddenly gets a splitting migraine, and Qui-Gon cannot, for the life of him, figure out what’s causing it.

But he thinks maybe it’s causing a feedback loop cause he’s kinda feelin it too? But like, not a migraine. Just this massive pressure in his head? Maybe the migraine is coming from HIM and his padawan is feeling it and can’t handle it?? Oh no, now Qui-Gon is a WORRIED master. Very worried. His poor sweet child.

So he takes Xanatos to the healing halls, and that’s when things get fun. See, the force is acting all funny today and no one can figure out why. Some people have headaches, some are absolutely inconsolable. Little 1 year old initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi is a screaming mess in the crèche healing halls and none of them can figure out what’s upset him, because they made damn sure he didn’t have a headache himself. He ends up having to be sedated. Poor sweet little baby boy.

So, the force is trying to murder them, and everyone’s feelin like shit, and Master Jinn is worried about his little one, and everything is sorta terrible rn.

But then. It happens. A pop.

Not an explosion, but like the force just broke the pressure. Instant relief all around. Headaches are abating and children are no longer biting anyone who comes within a foot of them. Thank force. Sort of.

So, what caused the pop? What relieved the pressure? Well, in all honesty, no one really knows what happened for sure until one of the healers startles to find a little five year old boy sitting in Initiate Kenobi’s crib, petting his little head while muttering to himself.

Now, normally, this isn’t all too weird, except the healer asks him his name to send him back to his clan, only to learn a Very Important Thing. This little one is NOT in their systems.

Maybe he’s an Initiate candidate who wandered off from his caregivers? Maybe he’s a little one who somehow got into the temple (it’s sort of not impossible, a little one who’s young enough to likely not be questioned could possibly wander in next to an adult Jedi or a clan without guards noticing he doesn’t belong, it’s not IMPOSSIBLE) and just managed to make his way to the crèche. A natural place for little ones to end up at.

But no. He’s not in their systems, he says his name is Cody. Just Cody. No last name.

Such a little boy that doesn’t even know his last name surely shouldn’t be wandering around all on his own, right?

So they do the right thing and call the temple guards. Who are having A Fucking Day of their own rn lemme tell ya that. They have found, so far, FIVE people that don’t belong in this temple.

A little tugruta three year old with a six year old mandalorian blonde boy, were found in the main cafeteria eating pudding and causing SUCH a mess that everyone’s afraid to get within two feet of them because they also seem a little volatile and keep throwing stuff at each other. So far they’ve gathered that their names are Rex and ‘soka.

Two twelve year old boys (twins, possibly) were found in the lower levels of the aquatic center of the temple, trying to get a toddler twi’lek out of one of the main pools while she won’t stop splashing them. A helpful knight has to get her out of the water to where her ‘nerra’ are frantically trying to get their baby sister back.

Everyone in the temple is just worried they’re gonna keep finding babies all over. There are a few more (Kix and Jesse are hiding in a vent and they’re about 8 yo it’s cute they’re being sneky, and maybe some others idk yet, and there’s one more baby on the way) but these are the ones they’ve found so far.

The little one, Cody, is absolutely refusing to leave little Initiate Kenobi, so they have to wheel his cot (the poor little thing is starting to wake up a little, and he’s clinging just as hard to Cody as Cody is to him, poor baby boy) into a classroom so they can load all the kids into one room together.

Which is when they learn that all the human boys are siblings. They learn this, loudly, with lots of hugs and one brief tantrum between the two youngest boys when they see each other, but they learn it nonetheless.

That’s when Kix and Jesse finally show up, climbing out of a vent like they own he place so they can join their brothers in the shouting.

Master Yoda is actually getting a migraine, and Knight Windu is being used as a reluctant toddler climbing post, regretting that he ever agreed to crèche duty today at all.

So many council members are so very confused.

And it’s about to get even more confusing.

Some of the crèche masters are trying to gently interrogate the little ones, as well as giving them checkups (Kix likes that part! He’s a medic too! He knows medic words! He’s only SLIGHTLY afraid of the needles! He’s such a good boy!) which involves taking blood (and oh boy are they gonna have a field day when THOSE test results get back) and allowing little ones to climb on them like play equipment. They’re such a friendly little lot.

Except the one in Initiate Kenobi’s crib still. The one who refuses to leave and by now has a slightly sluggish one year old in his arms like some kinda potato sack. They look so snuggly and buggly all wrapped up in baby blankies and giving cuddles and it’s the cutest thing in existence.

Anyways, halfway through this interrogation, the door to the room opens up, where Master Jinn (who just woke up in the healing Hall ten minutes ago) steps in with Xanatos at one side, and a cranky looking year old baby in his arms. The final addition to this little party.

Master Jinn heaves the BIGGEST sigh at the sight of all of them, gently places the blonde baby in the crib with Obi-Wan and Cody (who welcome the little bugger with many kisses and happy exclamations of ‘Ani!’ Along with the little ones Rex and ‘soka who are trying to climb into the crib with them now) and and looks around the room for a moment.

‘...when I planned this. I... I didn’t expect to send ALL of them back in time with me.’

Oh. Oh no.

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