The Masks We Have Wear Thin, Part 2 [END]
Read on AO3!
For @iamvegorott (I'm so sorry)
A/N: The final part. Warnings include details of science experiments, namely injections, and death. And vomiting.
“Phan? What’s wrong, love?” He blinked at Jackie’s voice, stomach rolling as guilt filled him, then pressed a hand to his mouth and made a beeline for the ensuite, depositing his stomach contents into the toilet.
He coughed, bracing his arms over the bowl as he rested his forehead against his forearms, breathing heavily as he heard Jackie come into the ensuite.
“Phantom?” He flinched as Jackie touched his shoulder, sighing and shaking his head with his eyes closed as Jackie crouched beside him. “What can I do?”
“Stupid,” Phantom mumbled, grimacing when Jackie’s grip tightened on his shoulder. “I’m so stupid.”
“Phan, I don’t understand,” Jackie began, snaking a hand around to push Phantom’s hair out of his face. “What happened?”
After ensuring he wasn’t going to vomit anything else, Phantom spat into the toilet and flushed it, sitting back on his heels and leaning into Jackie’s chest, breathing heavy as Jackie wrapped his arms around his torso.
The tears fell silently, landing in quiet splashes on Jackie’s bare arms, and Phantom numbly pressed his hands to the skin there, using his thumbs to brush away the teardrops. Jackie just sat and held him, humming quietly to comfort him before slowly leading Phantom back into the bedroom, gently sitting him on their bed.
“Phan, honey, tell me what’s wrong,” Jackie asked, kneeling on the ground between Phantom’s legs and looking into his eyes, tilting his head when he sniffled.
“I did something so stupid,” Phantom began slowly, choking back sobs. “I didn’t think it’d do anything. I thought it was a scam. Then I forgot all about it. Oh god, I should never have done that.”
Jackie frowned, moving away from Phantom briefly and returning with a tissue and a damp cloth, pressing it against his face while wiping his tears with the tissue. He waited until Phantom calmed down a little, sitting on the ground and looking at him as his face crumpled in guilt and despair.
“What did you do?” He pressed gently, placing his hands on Phantom’s knees. The man shook his head, pressing the cloth to his face as he wept some more. One hand dragged along his leg, slowly, almost desperately searching for Jackie’s hand and entwining their fingers when he found it, squeezing tightly as more sobs were torn from him.
“The experiment,” he hiccupped, moving the cloth enough to peer over it, red-rimmed eyes looking into Jackie’s sky blue ones. “I signed you up for it.” His breath hitched as Jackie’s grip on his hand and knee got painfully tight, eyes hardening before he stood and walked to the other side of the room, hands going through his hair as he paced in a circle before turning and looking at Phantom again.
“Why?” His voice was low, laced with both anger and betrayal. “Why did you do it?”
The morning after Phantom’s decision had been met with tears and repeated apologies. He had woken with a stiff back from sleeping on the sofa, and Jackie walking out of their room in Phantom’s shirt had him launching off the sofa into his arms.
“I’m so sorry we had that stupid fight,” Jackie whispered, arms encircling Phantom’s waist as he buried his face into his shoulder, lips brushing against the marked skin there. “I was so lonely in that bed last night.”
“I’m sorry,” Phantom sobbed, hands gripping tightly to Jackie’s - his - shirt. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled back enough to lift Jackie’s head by his chin, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss and making a surprised hum when Jackie lifted him, carrying him to their room and nearly throwing him on the bed.
“I should apologise properly,” Jackie whispered, crawling over Phantom with a smirk.
“I thought it was a scam, and if I provided your email address then you could get spam emails. I was so upset with you that night,” Phantom explained, face red and splotchy from his tears as he waved his hands uselessly.
“And when you forgave me, why didn’t you go back and cancel it?” Jackie asked, arms folded against his chest as he leaned against the dresser. Phantom shook his head, letting out a bemused laugh at the memory.
“The next morning you apologised in several different ways,” he began, embarrassment in his tone. “I couldn’t think of anything but you for most of the day, and by the time my sense was back, I’d forgotten all about the form.”
Now it was Jackie’s turn to laugh, face red from his blush as he pressed his thumb to his teeth. He remembered that day, waiting on Phantom hand and foot until he was able to get out of bed himself again.
“I suppose I did possess your mind that day,” he admitted, eyes twinkling as he looked at Phantom. “You crying apologies into my shoulder did not help that.” His eyes darkened, light fading as memories resurfaced. “The virus they put into me changed a lot of my biology, Phantom.”
Jackie screamed as the needle broke through his skin, injecting the virus into his veins. He hissed, feeling burning liquid tracking its way through his body, incinerating nerves in his arms and replacing them with molten lava, causing him to fall to his knees in pain.
The observations of the scientists were muffled compared to the whimpers forcing their way out of his throat, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clawed at the ground, nails digging deep trenches into the concrete of the floor. His teeth felt like they would fall out, heart aching as it pounded.
He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a shard of mirror on the floor, gasping at the electric blue glow coming from his eyes, the blood red tear trails on his cheeks. Pulling his hands from the concrete, he raised them shakily to his head, pulling at his hair in fear.
Would he even be able to go back to Phantom now?
“When they finally let me go, I had no idea how to even begin to find you,” Jackie said, picking at his fingers as he sat in the corner of the room. “I recoloured my hair and went back to our apartment, but you’d moved out. Calling myself ‘Jackie’ didn’t seem to fit anymore, I wasn’t who I was before.”
Phantom sniffed, wiping his eyes as he watched Jackie mumble to himself. Slowly, he stood up and made his way to the dresser, tugging on a pair of sweatpants before moving to sit opposite Jackie.
“When we first met in the bar, you as Sean,” Phantom began, words halting as he formed his question. “Why didn’t you tell me who you were?” His lip trembled as he leaned forward, tears clouding his vision making it difficult to meet Jackie’s gaze.
“I’d been gone six months,” Jackie whispered, words sticking in his throat as fresh tears began to fall. “It took another two months to find you. And you were happy, you were flirting with other men at that bar, and I just…” he sighed, shaking his head and dropping his chin to his chest.
“I gave you my real name because you didn’t recognise me. I lied because the thought of seeing your face again after so long was physically painful. I’ve never wanted to hurt you, Phan,” he finished in one breath, panting as he looked at Phantom’s heartbroken face. “I thought if I could reset it all, start again, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much as telling you the truth.”
“If you wanted to start again,” Phantom scoffed, leaning back against the dresser, “Why did you ask about the photo?”
“If you wanted to move on,” Jackie rebutted, glaring at Phantom, “Why did you keep the photo?” His eyes darted briefly to the bedside table, to the framed picture of Jackie, then flicked back to meet Phantom’s eyes, seeing the wide-eyed stare being directed his way.
Phantom stared at Jackie, eyes wide as his mind raced with thoughts and realisations. The man sitting in front of him was the man he’d devoted years of his life to, but he was so different as well. A chill ran down his spine as he became aware of a fact: Phantom had fallen for the hero, not the man. The chill in his spine hardened into icy anger as he hardened his look, glaring at Jackie as words formed.
“I worshipped you, Jackie,” he began, voice low as he stood up, towering over Jackie’s curled form. “My entire being became you. I didn’t know who I was after you left. It didn’t matter what had happened to you, I only wanted you back.” He turned to the wall, tearing the photographs off the surface and tossing them at Jackie.
“You lied to me,” he seethed, continuing to tear photos off the wall. “You let me believe you were dead, you pretended to be someone else. I let you into this house, I trusted you, and you lied! I would’ve accepted you back with open arms if you’d told me, but instead you hid it from me. Four months I’ve let you into my bed, cooked for you, danced with you, believing you were someone else. Someone who could maybe, just maybe, replace the hole you tore in my heart. I wish I’d never seen you at that bar,” he finished, throwing the last photo he could reach at Jackie, face wet again with tears as he sat on the bed, turning away from the man in the corner to hide his face.
He didn’t move when he heard Jackie stand, picking up every photo delicately. He hid his face in his sleeve-covered hands when Jackie passed him, trying in vain to ignore his presence. He flinched at hearing the room door click shut, falling to his side and letting the grief overwhelm him.
----
Jackie moved out the next day.
Phantom watched numbly as he cleared the place of his things, carefully setting the pictures and sheet music in boxes and folding his clothes. He took the hoodie Phantom had worn the previous day as well, silently taking it from the hamper when Phantom wasn’t looking.
He left his key by the door, cheeky acrylic keychain still attached. No words were spoken between them as Jackie packed his things into the moving van, atmosphere still tense as they passed each other in the hall.
When the rumble of the van’s engine had faded down the street, Phantom let out a shaky breath as he walked through the house, brushing his fingers against every hole the thumb tacks had made in the wall. He took a deep breath before stepping into the room, letting it out in a choked sob as he saw the empty bedside table. Holding a shaking hand over his mouth, he moved to his own bedside table, reaching out to pick up the photo frame, running his fingers over the photo of Jackie.
A shape caught his eye, and he shifted the frame slightly to see a piece of paper sticking out of the back. With a shaking breath, he gently plucked the paper from the frame, unfolding it to see Jackie’s handwriting scrawled on the reverse side of a picture of them from years ago, happily sitting in the sun.
Phan, it read, I’m sorry I lied. Since leaving that lab, these last four months with you have been the best. Being able to just exist as my true self, as Sean the musician instead of Jackie the hero, waking with you by my side every morning, I’ve never been more grateful.
I hurt you, and I can’t fix that. Not until you’ve healed enough to let me back in. I don’t know when that will be, or if it will ever happen, but I’ll be waiting for you. No more lying and pretending.
I think the healing starts with truth. I’ve told you my truth: I’m not Jackie anymore, I’m just plain Sean. I’m not human anymore either, but I don’t know what I am. I just know I love you.
Phantom took a shaky breath, lip trembling as he wiped at his eyes. Walking to the window, he looked briefly at the sunset before reading the final sentences of the letter.
This is my favourite photo. The day we had a picnic. We were laying in the grass, and you’d fallen asleep on my shoulder while I played with your hair. Everything was so calm and serene, no masks to hide our feelings. I took the picture because I wanted to remember the moment.
You were not who I wanted to fall in love with, but you were exactly who I needed to fall for to show me true happiness. You were my sunshine, my shooting star. I just wished we could have been truly honest from the start.
I leave with a single question in my mind, something I hope your answer will be the key to. Masks off, complete honesty: who are you really, Phantom?
He stood at the window, framed photo in one hand and letter in the other, watching the sunset as tears ran down his face. The final rays of the sun were going down, bathing the view in an orange glow. Slowly, Phantom closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths before opening them again to stare determinedly at the sunset.
“Nate,” he breathed, feeling cracks form in his being. “My name is Nate.”
----
Somewhere halfway across the country, Sean stopped performing a song on the stage, falling to his knees as he grasped at his chest, feeling his heart shattering into pieces as his breath grew laboured. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked over the concerned crowd, racing mind screeching to a halt on one thought: “Phantom…”
———
@brokentimewatch
4 notes
·
View notes