#personally i’m feeling very johanna today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

distantdarlings · 6 months

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BY THE FIREPLACE PT.3 // t. nott

RATING: R / 2.3K WORDS

Theo Nott x Fem Reader

+ SUMMARY - *Requested* You and Theo finally realize what exactly went down in the library after a very messy explanation from Mattheo, Enzo, and Pansy. Once the two of you go your separate ways and accept the embarrassment, you both start to let your imaginations wander.

+ WARNINGS - Language, slight sexual material (describing in character's heads)--not super graphic, Fem reader

+ MUSIC (listened to while writing) -

Johanna - Suki Waterhouse

---

“What—pray tell—the fuck are you doing in my room?” Theo roared, his back planted firmly against his headboard. You had migrated to standing at the end of the bed, your hands just balancing yourself against the mattress.

“What are you talking about? I fell asleep in the library, I—did you kidnap me?” you shrieked in realization.

“Are you kidding me? No, I didn’t fucking kidnap you. Are you daft?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowing. You scoff.

“Okay, first of all, you don’t need to be an ass about it,” you scolded, pointing a sharp finger at him, “and second of all, how the hell am I supposed to know if you did or not? I fell asleep in the library and woke up in your bed!”

“Look, I have no idea how—hey, where’s Sleepy?” he interrupted himself. He began gently pushing the covers around.

“I’m sorry, who?” you ask. He pulled the comforter back and laid across the bed horizontally to glance under the bed.

“Just my cat, she…,”

He paused and leaned back up. The two of you made direct eye contact and stared for what felt like hours. His eyes were slightly squinted as he looked at you, up and down, and you did the same to him. His mouth opened and closed multiple times as if starting to say something but nothing ever came out. Slowly, the two of you came to a very morbid discovery.

“Nott…how long have you had your cat?” you asked, hoping for an answer you knew you weren’t going to get.

“I found her today…,” both of your eyes slid shut, “in the library.”

You groaned and pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger. Merlin help you. Of course, the amazing luck that you were granted did nothing to prevent you from having the worst day of your life. It turns out that having an incredible, life-changing gift wasn’t always a blessing. You opened your eyes.

Theo’s head snapped up suddenly. His furrowed eyebrows had drawn down to match the line of his eyelid. His jaw clenched and unclenched ferociously. The anger radiating off of him was nearly palpable. It shocked you just a bit because you had never seen him as anything but cool and confident.

“Are you okay?” you asked cautiously. He stood from the bed and marched right past you. He made his way over to the dorm entrance, undid the lock, and ripped it open. As if newly appearing, three bodies fell in and clumsily on top of each other. Mattheo Riddle, Pansy Parkinson, and Lorenzo Berkshire stared up at a fuming Theo. His breaths were moving through him like a charging animal.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands. They all stumble to their feet, struggling over each other. Theo is watching them intently, all but tapping his foot at them.

“Personally, I feel that we hinted at it pretty strongly—” Enzo started.

“Obviously I didn’t fucking get it, why wouldn’t you say something?”

“In our defense, we didn’t think you were going to…you know…take her back to your room,” Pansy gestured vaguely.

“I thought she was a cat,” he enunciated each word slowly. “She was sweet and laying against me, I brought her in here so I could take a nap.”

“Well, it looks like you got a two-for-one deal!” Mattheo attempted a joke. Theo turned towards him with eyes like swords, begging to slash him into two. The dark boy’s smile dropped and he suddenly became very interested in the material of the drapes around him. You couldn’t stand this.

“Excuse me, I’m right here,” you say. “Would anyone like to tell me what the hell is going on?”

All three of them started to speak, trying to explain what exactly had been going down the last few hours. You could barely understand a single word. You refrained from rolling your eyes. This may be the worst thing that ever happened to you. Your eyes found the floor as the three students continued to try and explain everything over each other. A hand came to your mouth and you began to chew on the shredded skin along the edges of your nails. A bad habit, yes, but calming.

Your eyes glanced up to look at Theo. His eyes watched the other three intently, trying to decipher them as well. Your eyes trailed down his figure. Mind betraying you, you remembered the way he felt pressed up against your back. His long, lean chest was pressed tightly against your spine and his strong, darkened arms had been wrapped tightly—possessively—around your waist. His forearms had been locked so roughly against your hip bone, you’d had to use both hands to push yourself up. His soft breaths had been cooly painting the skin just below your ear, tickling the small hairs there. A shudder ran down your arms as if he had just done it again.

The three students stopped their chattering and looked at you. You stopped biting at your fingers and stared at them, wide-eyed.

“What?”

“You shuddered,” Pansy stated. Theo’s eyes found yours, his head ever so slightly tilting to one side. Fuck. Your eyes traced the line of his jaw down his throat.

“I…just had a chill,” you brushed the thoughts away. “Okay, thank you all for those wonderful…explanations. I have been mortified by this and will never mentally heal from it. I think I am going to go back to my dorm.”

And with that, you clapped your hands together and turned towards the exit. None of them said anything else to you or made any effort to stop you from going, so you figured you all would just awkwardly pretend it never happened. You figured your books and things were still back in the library so you started heading that way, hoping that nobody had tried to turn anything into the lost and found. How long had you been out?

“Okay, I don’t think laying with me is ‘mortifying,’” Theo scoffed.

“I think so,” Mattheo said. Theo responded by giving him a swift punch to the shoulder.

In the back of his mind, Theo heard Pansy make some kind of joke that sent the three of them into a spiral of laughter. But, for whatever reason, his thoughts were traipsing across a vast landscape. His mind's eye was traveling up the expanse of the sheets that were wrapped messily around the two of you. They were tracing the peak of her bare thigh that her tugged skirt had exposed and reminiscing on the way his hands had felt against her soft body. Her hair had just gently tickled the tip of her nose and she had smelled so, so good. Merlin, it had been so long since—

“Theo!” He jumped out of his own thoughts. His eyes found his very concerned friend group as they appeared to be waiting for an answer from him.

“Mate, I said your name, like, eight times,” Mattheo said. Theo shrugged.

“Sorry, I was distracted…” Theo thought he heard the other boy mumble a smart–ass comment but he just ignored him. His damned brain kept flying back to that girl. He didn’t know what it was but something about her waking up next to him like that had him seeing her in a whole new light. She wasn’t unattractive—she was anything but—but she really seemed to hate him. She was always rolling her eyes or scoffing anytime he announced a wrong answer in class. And she never called him by his first name, only his last. He can’t say he knew that much about girls but those particular attributes did not seem like they belonged to one that liked him.

He shrugged those thoughts off the best he could and followed his group of friends out of the dorm and into the common room where more of their acquaintances had begun to gather.

xxx

It had been hours. Hours and you were still thinking about Theo Nott. This was ridiculous. You needed to move on, needed to get to the homework you had been trying to get done this whole evening, but you just couldn’t. Every thought kept realigning itself to the way it felt when he had been holding you. It sent chills down your spine every time you thought about it. You had never been held like that.

Your roommates were all out late, trying to have a good time down at the Three Broomsticks. They had begged you to come but, due to a particularly interesting afternoon, you had incidentally become very behind on your homework. So you declined and promised you would next time.

Yet, you still weren’t done with this stupid assignment and probably could have gone with them anyway. You groaned in frustration and dropped your head against the desk, feeling the cool wood beneath it.

This morning, if you could have guessed what you’d be doing, mulling over the way Theo’s arms looked, would not have even been in the top one million guesses. But here you were, practically drooling over the way his veins wrapped around his muscular arms.

You remembered the way his large hands had been so gently placed over your stomach, the tips of his fingers gently gripping your flesh while he slept. The way his hips were pressed firmly against your ass—

“Aah!” you squealed in utter shame, shaking the thoughts away from your head. What the fuck, what the fuck. You might die. The fact that you couldn’t get him off your mind despite how much you couldn’t stand him was disconcerting. You’d always thought he was extremely handsome, as did practically everyone else, but you never thought you’d even imagine in that…way. Damn it.

Theo rolled over, tugging the comforter back over his shoulders. He shut his eyes once more, trying painfully hard to will himself to sleep. He had Quidditch practice in the morning, he needed to get some rest. He needed to. But he couldn’t. That stupid—you were running through his mind like a record stuck on rotate. It kept going and going, scratching against him. He’d never, ever thought about you in any way other than annoyance. But he couldn’t get you off his mind.

All he could think about was the way you were arched gracefully against his hips when you were laid out together. The way your skirt was pulled over your hips and he could almost see the line of your underwear beneath the sheets. He wondered what color they were, what they looked like. He kept his eyes closed, clenching them harder. Go to sleep.

Your body was pressed against his just like before. The light outside made your hair and shoulders glow, spotlighting every rise and fall your breathing pushed through you. Your hair was pulled over your shoulder and splayed gracefully over the pillow. He wanted to touch it but he kept his hands firmly where they were.

Suddenly you grunted gently and rolled over, coming face to face with him. This time you didn’t jump back and scream and accuse him of kidnapping you. This time, your eyes were opened and simply watching him. Your gaze was lidded and sultry, your lashes creating a sinister shadow along your cheeks. A small smirk spread over your lips as he watched you. Still, he did not move.

Your hands slowly rose between the two of you. Your soft, nimble fingers found the buttons of your uniform shirt and began working them down. Theo’s breath halted in his chest as more and more of you were revealed. Your hands granted him passage to your chest. You wore a laced black bra that was cinched tightly between your breasts. His eyes flickered down once, twice. He swallowed thickly.

Your hands pulled away from your shirt once the last button was undone and pushed him back so he rested comfortably against the headboard. You pushed a leg across his lap and settled neatly in the empty space. Like a reflex, his hands came to rest against your skirted hips. His fingertips brushed the felted material as you stared down, challenging him.

You split the two sides of your shirt and slid it over and off your smooth shoulders. Without so much as a breath, Theo leaned forward and pressed his lips to the skin there. You gave a light gasp at his action. Your rapid heartbeat danced against his tongue as he ran it along the expanse of your neck.

You pushed him back against the headboard. You pulled your hands up to the clip pressed tightly against your chest. Your fingers curled around it and—

Theo’s eyes opened. The sun was up and Mattheo was squatted beside his bed, watching him with an obnoxious smirk printed on his face. Theo jumped back at the sudden face in front of him. He leaned up and glanced around wildly, trying to gather his bearings, ignoring Mattheo’s annoying cackling beside him.

“Dude, what the hell?” Mattheo laughed.

“What? Shut the fuck up,” he grumbled, pushing him back away from the bed.

“Oh, baby,” Mattheo moaned in a high-pitched voice. “Come here, darling. Let me—”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Theo asked.

“You must have been having one hell of a dream, man,” he laughed, “when I got in here, you were saying all kinds of stuff.”

Theo blushed deeply, his nose and ears burning, as he remembered the subject of his dream. Flashes of your thick hips and chest pressed against him and his hands and lips on you and…fuck.

“Shit, man, who were you dreaming about? You’re as red as an apple,” Mattheo asked, an eyebrow arching. Theo didn’t reply. Mattheo’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god, you weren’t dreaming about—?”

“How about some breakfast?” Theo interrupted, abruptly pulling the covers back and slipping a tee shirt over his head.

Part 4!

#fanfiction #creative writing #fanfic #writing #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #reader insert #slytherin #harry potter smut #chapter 3 #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott #theo nott #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire #mattheo riddle #pansy parkinson #fem reader #animagus

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jenna0rtega27 · 29 days

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Cool!! Okay could you maybe do a yandere Jenna Ortega x fem reader where reader and Jenna are friends with benefits and reader is flirting with someone and Jenna gets jealous and it gets extremely yandere but then it ends with really fluffy smut thank you!!!!

(Btw Jenna is a dom and reader is a sub!)

You are the only one I love

Masterlist

Thank you for asking 18+ Yandere Jenna x F!Reader Summary: Request Warning: Yandere!Jenna, smut, fingering, dom!Jenna, sub!Reader, jealousy, mention of choking, rough sex Note: This is my first Yandere character so I'm sorry if it's bad Number of words : 2770

You are in a bar with Emma Myers, Hunter Doohan and her husband, Georgie Farmer, Joy Sunday, Naomi Ogawa, Oliver Watson, Johanna Watson and Jenna Ortega. You all participated in the cast of Wednesday and it was the best experience of your entire life.

You are all very good friends but there is one person where it is more than friendship. Sure enough, you and Jenna met on set and immediately became very good friends. After 3 months of filming, you and Jenna had decided to become friends with benefits. So you would fuck from time to time in his trailer or yours. But over the months, you had felt more than friendship after each fuck. Your feelings increase each time for the little brunette. You have a huge crush on her but you know that's not the case for her. Because she herself if she fucks with you, fucks with someone else.

To say that you are jealous every time she tells you about the person she fucked is an understatement. You just want to cry every time she talks to you about this topic. For a while you've been thinking about stopping all this shit with Jenna because it hurts you so much to know that you're not the only person who touches her body.

You come back to reality when a waiter comes to take your order for everyone. You are in the VIP room of the bar so as not to be disturbed by overly intrusive fans. You all sit together at a table of ten people. In order, Oliver, Joy, you, Emma and Georgie. And in front of you is Hunter, her husband, Jenna, Naomi and Johanna. And you curse yourself for sitting in front of Jenna because she puts her foot on your leg and strokes it.

You all give your order and the waiter leaves to prepare it. Everyone talks together but you stay in your bubble feeling Jenna's foot going up to your thigh and back down.

The waiter returns with your drink and food and leaves to serve another customer. You start to eat your food when you feel someone nudge you. You turn your head and see Joy looking at you with concern.

Joy has always been in love with you. She often invites you to dinner, to the movies or even a day with her at her house. You won't lie that you once had feelings for her. But your brain still went to the brunette who fucked you until you fell asleep from exhaustion in her bed. But today, you want to end this friendship with advantage because it hurts you too much. So why not try with Joy?

"Are you fine? You haven't spoken since we've been here." Joy gently places a hand on your thigh. You smile at his kindness. Jenna never did this for you.

" Yes I am fine thank you." You place your hand on Joy's and interlace your fingers together. You turn your head and you can sense that Jenna is not happy. She looks at you and Joy with daggers in her eyes. But she doesn't say anything. She just talks with Hunter and her husband while keeping an eye on you. You swallow and resume your conversation with Joy.

"Don’t worry, I’m fine. I'm just a little tired." Joy smiles at you and kisses the back of your hand. You blush slightly at this action. You can feel Jenna’s gaze on you. You swallow the lump in your throat.

You continue talking with Joy. You had all been drinking and you can see that Joy is drunk. She touches your arm with her fingers which makes you shiver slightly. You look into each other's eyes, ignoring Jenna's glare, and Joy slowly approaches you. Because of the alcohol you've consumed, you lean in too but before your lips can connect, Jenna gets up from her chair, walks around the table and grabs your arm.

“I need to talk to you.” Jenna stands up forcefully and looks at Joy with a look that could kill anyone. If Jenna had missiles in her eyes, Joy would most certainly be dead. You follow Jenna without saying anything because you know she is angry. Even very angry. But honestly you're not sure why Jenna would be angry about kissing Joy. I mean, she fucks with anyone and she lets herself get mad at you?

Arriving in the women's bathroom, Jenna closes the door and bars it and pushes you against the door. Jenna places her hands on either side of your body to trap you in your arms. You're not going to lie, you find her really sexy and hot when she's angry.

"What was that ?" Jenna looks you straight in the eye. “Fuck Wednesday really changed his character. » You say to yourself in your head. “What was that about?” You ask like you don’t know what she’s talking about.

"Don't take me for an idiot Y/n Y/l/n. You know exactly what I mean." Jenna’s jaw shifts as she brings her face closer to yours.

"No Jenna I don't understand what you mean. You wanted a friendship with benefits relationship but you're fucking other people! Why can't I do the same thing?!" You let go. Even if you didn't want to do it in front of Jenna, it's too heavy to keep to yourself.

“Because you’re mine.” Jenna responds with a low voice that you always found so sexy. Jenna doesn't let you answer and places her lips on yours for an intense and passionate kiss. You moan into her mouth and she takes the opportunity to stick her tongue in your mouth and push it down your throat. The little brunette cups your cheeks and continues to lick the inside of your mouth. You put your hands on her hips but she pulls away from your lips and you moan at the lack of her lips. She takes your hands and raises them so they are above your head.

"No touching me. You wanted to play with me so you will be punished. And as I know that you like to touch me while we fuck, I forbid you from touching me until I judge that your punishment is finished. Understood?” You nod. All you want is to put your lips back on the addictive lips of the petite brunette who is so dominant with you. "Answer" Jenna places one of her hands on your throat and squeezes a little. You feel yourself getting wet from Jenna's so sexy action.

"Yes I understood."

“Yes who?”Jenna tightens her grip on your throat.

"Yes Mommy" You say with a little difficulty because the air is difficult because of Jenna's warm hand.

“Good girl” Jenna sticks her tongue out and parts your lips to open them and enter your mouth with her wet tongue. You moan into her mouth as her joined tongue holds it and she licks your tongue so sensually. You feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. Jenna removes her hand from your throat and places it on your wet center and caresses it over your shorts and panties. You moan into her mouth and she takes the opportunity to suck your tongue which makes you even wetter.

Jenna removes her hand from your wrists that are still above your head and cups your jaw. She continues to rub her palm over your dripping pussy.

“Please Mommy” you complain. All you want is to get fucked by Jenna.

“Please what Mi amor?” Jenna continues to caress your vagina as she lets go of your jaw with her other hand and places it back on your throat and squeezes the hand.

“Fuck me Mommy” You close your eyes because of the little brunette’s teasing.

“Look at me” Jenna squeezes the grip on your throat harder and stops rubbing your pussy. You open your eyes and see Jenna's dark, dark eyes of desire. “Beg me and I’ll fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before” Jenna gives your lips a kiss, slightly red and swollen from the intense kissing.

“Please fuck me Mommy. I need you.” You moan as Jenna begins her movements on your pussy again. A smirk forms on Jenna’s lips at your pleas and moans.

“Good girl” Jenna quickly undoes your shorts and pulls them down along with your panties. She leans down and blows on your dripping pussy. You moaned at his teasing.

“You’re so wet baby.” Without any warning, Jenna licks a large wet stripe from your hole to your clit. She moans at your divine taste and you at the feel of her expert tongue. She continues to make a big wet band. You moaned, placing a hand on his hair. But Jenna immediately stops her licks and slaps your thigh. “What did I say about your hands?”

"Sorry! Sorry! I just forgot. Please continue" You complain, removing your hands from his hair and placing them on the wall.

“You touch me one more time and I can guarantee you that you will have to masturbate to cum” Jenna immediately puts her tongue back on your pussy attacking your clit. She makes quick circles with the tip of her tongue which makes you moan with desire. You close your eyes in pleasure and continue to moan. But Jenna hits your thigh again without leaving your clit.

“Look at me” Jenna demands and you open your eyes, lowering them and meeting Jenna’s dark eyes. She looks into your eyes and circles your clit, sucking hard. You move your hips for more friction but Jenna circles your hips to stop you from moving. She continues to suck your clit and with two fingers she pushes them into your pussy dripping with your juices and her drool. You moaned louder as you felt your pussy stretch with the number of Jenna's fingers.

“You feel so good baby.” Jenna moans at the sight of you. The vibrations on your clit make you moan louder. Jenna adds a third finger which makes your pussy spread and makes you moan. After a few more licks and fingers, you soon feel yourself coming.

“Fuck Jenna I’m coming soon” You moan as Jenna bites your clit and hits you harder and further hitting the best places in your pussy.

“Hold it in. You can only cum when I allow you to” Jenna continues to suck, bite and lick your clit and adds a fourth finger into your hole. You moan at the number of fingers in your pussy and try not to touch Jenna. Jenna continues to finger and suck you for about twenty seconds.

“Cum in my mouth baby.” Jenna allows you and you moan loudly as you cum in Jenna's mouth and on Jenna's fingers. The little brunette moans as she cleans your entire pussy so as not to leave any drips. She removes her fingers and you moan at the loss. She stands up and puts her index and middle fingers in her mouth and the other two fingers in yours. You moan at your taste. You look into each other’s eyes as you suck on his fingers.

Jenna removes her fingers once her fingers are clean by your mouth and kisses you. She pulled her tongue into your mouth and you moaned into her mouth. Your tongues swirl together in an intense, rapid dance. It recedes when your lungs burn from lack of air. Jenna looks at you and you still see desire in her beautiful brown eyes.

“Lie on the floor” Jenna commands and you do exactly as she orders. You lie down and Jenna undresses right in front of you. Your mouth waters seeing her tits and pussy soaking with her excitement. Once undressed, she gets on top of you so that her pussy touches yours.

“Are you ready for a second round baby?” You nod your head not trusting your voice and moaning as you feel the wetness of the petite brunette above you. Jenna cups your jaw to make eye contact. “Answer me” Jenna squeezes your jaw, digging her fingers into your skin.

“Yes Mommy” You moan as Jenna starts moving her hips and her pussy moves against yours.

“Good girl” Jenna kisses you, pushing her tongue into your mouth and touching the back of your throat. You moan, retching. Jenna pulls away and rests her forehead against yours, looking into your eyes. “Touch me baby” Without hesitation you put your hands on his hips and you help him by going faster. The little brunette places one hand on the base of your neck and the other on your breasts, massaging it gently.

“Fuck Y/n, I love you so much. I've loved you since I met you on the set of Wednesday. And when I saw you with Joy I saw black. I wanted you so much." Jenna opens up to you with tears threatening to fall and continuing her movement of her hips. You both moan at the friction of your two pussies.

You feel butterflies in your stomach at the words you've been waiting to hear from Jenna's mouth. But you frown when you think about all his fucking during your friendship with benefits.

“So why were you fucking other people when you loved me?” Every time you came back you told me everything in detail. “You don’t understand how Jenna can love you when she was fucking other girls. For you it is incomprehensible. Jenna cups your face to look into your eyes.

“Because I never fucked with other people. You have always been the one and only person who has touched me” Tears flow freely down her cheeks.

“But why were you telling me that then? To hurt me?" Tears are now streaming down your cheeks from incomprehension but also from relief that Jenna hasn't fucked any other girl besides you.

“I wanted to make you jealous. I thought you were going to come at me this way but it was the wrong way. I should have acted like an adult and told you that I loved you. But y/n, I never wanted to hurt you. But I know I still hurt you and I'm so sorry."

Tears run down both of your cheeks. Jenna wipes your tears with her shoots and you do the same for her. You bring his face closer to his and place your lips on his. The kiss is filled with love and apologies from both of you. Jenna slowly continues her hip movements. You withdraw from lack of air.

“I love you so much Jenna. And I promise you that I love Joy just as a friend. It was and always will be you. But I thought you didn't like me when you said you were fucking other girls. So I had lost hope. But I love you so much Jenna." You respond with sincerity and love.

"I'm so sorry." Jenna kisses your forehead and rests her forehead on yours. You shake your head kissing Jenna's soft lips.

“Let’s forget it okay. Let's start from scratch." Jenna nods with a soft smile which you return.

“How about I take you on a date?” Just the two of us to get off to a good start." You smile with joy and happiness as you place your lips on his to kiss more passionately. Your tongues move in a soft sensual dance.

"I say yes." You both smile as you reconnect your lips in another passionate kiss filled with love and sincerity. This kiss also represents the new beginning.

10 minutes later

You walk out of the bathroom after your second round and fix yourself up. You return to your table and notice that Joy has taken Jenna's place. You smile at him and say ‘thank you’ but you can see pain in his eyes. You feel really bad for giving Joy false hope. She is an exceptional person and a truly great friend. You wouldn't replace it for anything in the world. You really hope that your friendship with Joy stays the same as before. You take your place next to Emma and Jenna sits next to you and Oliver. You're talking to Emma when you feel someone take your hand. You look down and see Jenna's hand. You intertwine your fingers with hers and smile when she strokes the back of your hand with her thumb. You look up to see her talking with Oliver, Hunter and her husband but she has a big smile on her face. And you know it's not the boys who cause this smile.

#jenna marie ortega #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega smut #jenna ortega x fem reader #wednesday addams #emma myers #joy sunday #yandere #gxg smut #wlw

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kahlanmars · 9 months

Text

BAD FEELING part. 17

HELLO.

This chapter is a little filler but I think it's cute how Haymitch and Daisy try so much to stay away from each other... failing every time. Also, I ship Hayffie and I wanted to give a happy ending to Effie here too.

MASTERLIST

17. Candles for the wedding

After a brief moment in which you wanted to go away and never turn back, or you wanted to knock Marjorie’s door and then let her see your rage, or simply to go to Haymitch and talk more to him, knowing he wasn’t going to kick you out of his bed, you make a decision. You are Daisy Pinecone from District 12, and you are not going down for a man. You won’t let a man ruin your good mood. Even if this man is the most wholesome you’ve ever met. Even if the only thing you want is to be in his arms. Even if none of this is right.

Because none of this is right. You know, hell you know Marjorie is not in the wrong. She spent all her life hiding from President Snow because of Haymitch, and now she wants to live with him like he promised her. But that promise was made at sixteen, they were children, that doesn’t count.

And yet, the timing is wrong. He waited for her, for her ghost, for twenty five years, and just when he tries to move on - with you, nonetheless - she reappears. It’s like fate, destiny or whatever is laughing on their face.

You can’t avoid thinking bad things, like that she is not as beautiful as she was when she was twenty, but then again he is not either and this is a vile thought. You are better than that. Holly taught you better than that.

You go up, clean your face, even use a little of that eyeliner you and Effie stole, go to your class and you manage to keep your smile on and your chin up all the time. You have a great teacher for that.

Then, you go to the class where you are Miss Pinecone and not just Daisy.

«When there's danger, you should always go to your parents. But if there’s a danger and you are at school, you could go under the tables for protection.» You say, trying to be cheerful. Today is the day they are going to rescue Portia, Annie, Cinna and the others, and of course Peeta. So Coin told you to give the kids a lecture about dangers. That doesn’t scare you at all.

«But, Miss Pinecone, what if I don’t find my mom?» A little boy, Alex, asks you. He is from the seam, and he is seven or eight, not more. He has tons of brothers, like four or five. He is adorable, very skilled in maths.

«I think you could come to me.» You don’t think this through, but what can you say? If he doesn’t find his family you want him to come to you, a trusted person, instead of a stranger.

«Thank you, Miss Pinecone.»

You manage to keep the charade until dinner. It’s easier with the kids, the little ones always try to make you see that and tell you this, and the hours flow. The older ones are eager to learn.

But now that you are alone, you can’t help but be sad in the cafeteria, surrounded by your friends except for Effie, who waits for Portia, and Finnick, who waits for Annie. That gives your group freedom to talk.

«I can’t believe him. He left you!» Lora is shocked, her wide eyes bright open. «For an old woman!»

«Well she is not old, she’s 41.» You protest, but then you remember Lora is nineteen. Compared to her you are an older woman.

«You are not going to pout all the time, right?» Perla is more direct. You love her, but she reminds you of a younger Johanna Mason, a victor from years ago who is now part of the rebellion. Perla is kinder, but she doesn’t hold back answers.

«I’m not pouting.» You protest.

«Yes you are. There are parties, you know? The guards invited us sometimes, we should go.» Yes, you are. You can’t help it. He is not even there at the moment, probably in a room with Katniss waiting for Peeta. Or he is with her.

You can’t live thinking he is with her every moment.

«There are more important things, right? I’m worried about Portia. I really care for her. And for Peeta. And Cinna.» You desperately don’t want to talk about it. They seem to understand that, because they take the bait to change the subject.

«Do you think Finnick and Annie will get married when she is rescued?» Lora asks. You have to admit Finnick Odair has been a crush in your teenage years, for all of you. Thinking of him as a married man, even now that he is real, is weird. But he and Annie are so cute, he always talks about her like she is the moon and he couldn’t live without her, he almost didn’t want to live anymore when he found out she had been captured. They had to give him a rope to make knots out of it, to calm him down, but a very, very small rope.

«That’s what he promised.»

You are about to answer Perla when a voice comes from the other room.

«They are coming!»

You change looks, because you don’t know if you are allowed in the first room, but you want to hug Portia so you run. If you are not allowed, someone will stop you, but that doesn’t happen.

They don’t have a quarantine, you had it because your group was the first after a long time in District 13, but now they think you are safe. So everybody is free to hug everybody, and they are all crying.

You come into the infirmary room and you see Finnick who’s holding Annie like she could disappear in a moment, and Effie in Portia’s arms.

«Portia!» You run into her and you let her hug you tight. «You are here!»

She just nods. She is not her best self, but she was probably tortured (now that you think about it, you shouldn’t have run into her, maybe you scared her) but she is here now, she can get better. You’ve never seen her without her Capitol fuss. She doesn’t have her blonde wig, and her hair is shaved. She is thinner than before, and she has bags under her eyes. It’s clear something bad happened in the city.

Katniss is there, she is holding Cinna, but she is not happy. Cinna is in the same situation as Portia and Annie, and Haymitch, close to her, seems pissed off.

«What happened?» You dare to ask, conscious he wouldn’t scream at you.

«Joanna Mason, Mags and Peeta are still in the Capitol.»

Fuck.

The mission was for everybody, but mostly for Peeta. He is the other side of the Mockingjay, the unfortunate lover, the lover boy. People like him more than Katniss. He is useful for the revolution.

But most importantly, Katniss loves him. Maybe she doesn’t know it, maybe she also loves Gale, but the look in her eyes at this moment proves that.

«Will they come back for them?» You whisper to your mentor, but you don’t want Katniss to hear that. He shrugs and he looks at you, he is furious.

«If I have a say in the matter, yes.»

He goes out of the room, and you follow him in the corridor and stop him with a hand on his wrist. You have to be careful. He could have reacted in a very bad way, you don’t stop him like that, you know better. But he must have sensed you, because he doesn’t push you against the wall or strangle you like you are an enemy.

«I’m sorry.» You whisper again.

Peeta is like a son to him. Everyone knows he and Katniss are really similar, they have the same mind, same origins, same attitude. But they care for Peeta. Peeta is cunning, smart, intelligent, but also kind, generous, and has a good heart. With the family he has - he had, you have to remember - Haymitch has become a father figure in the last year. He didn’t want to get attached, you are sure of it, but once again he failed in that.

He sighs. He is calculating, you see his brain fuming. You bet he is telling himself he can’t be vulnerable with you, not anymore.

«Just a minute.» You help him, and you put your arms around his chest. He relaxes a little against your touch.

«He is seventeen.» He reminds you. «Seventeen, and he is being tortured. They are torturing him. It is my fault.» His voice is strong and still, but you sense he is desperate.

«How is it your fault?» You lift your eyes up to watch him better. «It’s the war, Haymitch. You are doing your best to keep them alive.»

«’M doing a hell of a good job.» He is shaking now, of course he wants a drink to cope with his guilt. They are criminals, this is not a way to cure ad addiction, but maybe there’s a good side of that. Maybe he is rid of his addiction.

«You are. Look at all this, it’s mostly thanks to you. And Cinna, and Plutarch, but the Mockingjay is here because of you. Katniss is safe because of you. And Peeta will be too.» You stroke his hair. «I am so, so sorry. But I didn’t give up on you. You are still their mentor. You saved them.»

You feel stupid, you can only say that you are sorry. A week ago you would have kissed away his doubts, but now it’s not yours to kiss. Now Marjorie can handle that, you don’t have any right.

«Don’t be sorry.» He murmurs and instead of letting you go he tightens the grip. «Are you okay? Portia is back.»

«Yes.» You flash a smile to him, he loves Portia too. «I’m good, I was worried for her. Felt guilty too.»

«Look at us, covered in guilt.» He tries to laugh, to lighten the moment. «I must admit it looks better on you.»

You blush. You only want to kiss him, but he is not yours to kiss anymore. He is not yours anymore. «Everything looks better on me.»

«I really can’t argue with that.» His eyes are on your lips.

At this point you are supposed to kiss, this is what you do, but you can’t right now, not after Marjorie. «You should go back. Katniss needs you.»

«Yes. Katniss needs me.» He gives you a kiss on the cheek, his lips lingering a little too long on your face to be an incident. «Thank you, Sweetheart. I really needed that.»

«That’s what friends are for.»

You stay in the corridor, alone, until he disappears.

Turns out Finnick really asked Annie to marry him as soon as she was saved, and now you have a wedding to prepare. They are absolutely lovebirds, Finnick walks on air and he has a grin that never leaves him. Annie is haunted by the tortures and her past, but she is cooed by Effie and Portia, and she seems content most of the time, when she doesn’t cry for Mags. You never met Mags, but on television she looks like a grandmother, sweet and tender, and you know she raised Finnick and Annie. They decided not to wait for her, but they will have a traditional ceremony with her when she will be rescued.

You don’t know what the ceremony in District Four is about, but it must be their version of the Toasting. In your District the toasting is the real marriage ritual, when the bride and the groom make a fire together and toast a piece of bread. You really hope for them it’s not a toasting ceremony because you have heard his bread is made of seaweed and very, very salty.

The wedding preparation is actually very cute. You and Effie, with the help of Perla and Laura and other people from District 13, decorate the main room with flowers and ribbons, as well as nets and corals you manage to find in the library. It’s still grey, but a little less grey and it’s absolutely a win.

«I’ll dress Annie, can you stay here?» Effie asks you, and you nod. You actually like to decorate. It takes your mind off of things. But what you really want is to put candles in the higher shelves of the main room, so when she walks through the room she will be followed by lights.

You put the candles up with the help of a staircase. Then you just have to light them up. When you are about to reach the top, though, your feet slip and you go down.

You survived the Hunger Games and a revolution just to hit your head and die trying to decorate a cafeteria.

«Dear heavens!» You think you’ll get hurt, badly, but you realise you didn’t touch the ground, someone saved you.

And who could have been. Of course it’s him. How the fuck it’s him it’s a mystery.

«Are you following me or something?» You sough, still shaken by the fall. You risked it.

«Thanks, Haymitch, you catched me.» He mocks you with a grin that is not supposed to be here, since he saved you from death or at least a big injury. Again.

«…Thanks. But were you following me?» You know you should go back to your own feet, but you are a weak girl and it’s comforting to be in his arms, bridal style. And you pretend to yourself you didn’t see Marjorie eyeing you from the other side of the room.

«A little. I was looking for you, I wanted to borrow you a book, and then I saw you lighting candles in the most dangerous position ever invented and… I know your level of balance. It’s none.» You scoff at the comment, but then you hear again the main word of the sentence: books.

«A book? Yes!» You are too excited, it’s not proper. Not anymore. «I mean, that's thoughtful… thought?» A thoughtful thought. And you are a teacher. No wonder you didn’t have a licence before the war.

«Yeah I mean, it’s mine and you didn’t steal it so maybe you won’t like it.»

«It happened once or twice…» You pout. Just because he loved to kiss away your pout and if you have to go down bad then he must too. But when his eyes linger too much you are the one who snaps him out of his misery. «So? The book?»

«The book, yes. It’s about a girl who goes to work for a guy as a maid and the guy has secrets in the attic. It’s ancient.» He quickly explains.

«Is he a bit of a dick?» You challenge him.

«Kinda, yeah.»

«Some things never change…» You smile, proud of your little joke. «What’s the name of the book?»

«Jane Eyre.»

«I studied that at school. I think I’ll like it, thanks.» Could you give him a little kiss on the cheek? Probably not. Especially when you are still in his arms, it’s not quite friends' behaviour. But you still do it because Inez - Marjorie - has not been right to you. «How come we are underground and you still smell like the woods?» You half murmur to yourself, but he smirks.

«It’s a talent. I'll give it to you at the wedding?»

«I can't, they allow us to have actual dresses at the wedding!» You can't conceal your excitement. You really want to take off the grey jumpsuit. You don’t have a dress, but you eyed some curtains that nobody will miss.

«Tomorrow then.» He offers.

«Tomorrow it is. Haymitch, can you… let me go?» You are sure you are starting to make a scene, wrapped in a hug in the middle of the cafeteria after the big scandal and the “break up”.

«Yeah, of course.» He lets you go and you practically disappear in front of him not to deal with the consequences of your thoughts. He does the same. It would be comical if you didn’t have your heart broken.

You go to your room to sew the dress for the wedding, and you open the door without any thinking, just to be welcomed with a gasp.

Effie Trinket and Portia… you don’t know Portia’s surname, all you know is that they are wrapped in a hug and they are kissing. Effie is kissing Portia. Portia is kissing Effie. None of it makes sense.

Effie is the one who was upset finding out about you and Dianna. She was shocked, like she never occurred a girl could love another girl. You know in the Capitol they didn’t discuss these sort of things, like in the District.

On the other hand, if someone deserves love is Effie Trinket. She hates District Thirteen, everybody here is stupid and hates her, so she needs allies. Friends. Lovers. Everything she wants. She’s one of the kindest people alive. You really love her.

«I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!» You yell and you close the door behind you, just to re-open it slower. You don’t know what to do, you can’t go in and you can’t go out. «Do you want me to leave?» You ask.

«Stay, darling girl.» Effie speaks after a while. Her voice is filled with awkwardness, and you want to tell her that everything is fine but you don’t know how to do it without worsening the situation. «Well…»

You enter. They are on Effie’s bed, and they look like teenagers caught in the moment. They are so cute.

«You two are in love?» You ask, trying to contain your excitement. You know you are being improper and you are probably embarrassing them, but you are so happy for them, so happy for Effie. Oh dear heaven, what if it was just an experiment? What if Effie is in love and Portia is not? You didn’t think before talking.

«No, I mean… it was kinda the first time, so…» They share a look. Maybe they are not in love yet, but they have chemistry.

«So I blocked it? I’m so sorry! I’ll go!»

«No! I think we could go to…» Portia dismisses it. She talks slower than before the revolution, and she always seems a little puzzled, but she is better now and you think she’s improving.

«To my room! I think we can go to my room.» She finishes it.

«No, I’ll go!» You protest, but Effie pinches your shoulder.

«No, please. Let us go.»

«…Ok.» You surrender.

You go back to your sewing, wondering what the hell just happened.

TAG LIST: @crimsonincursive

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#fanfiction #haymitch abernathy #the hunger games #haymitch imagine #haymitch x fem!reader #bad feeling #haymitch abernathy x reader #haymitch abernathy x you #haymitch x reader #woody harrelson #daisy pinecone #effie x portia #effie trinket x portia #effie #effie trinket #mockingjay #haymitch abernathy x oc

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mellarked-katnisseverdeen · 1 year

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Food Comas

A/N- A light little fluffy thing for Thanksgiving! Thought about how the biggest thing I think we all experience is the huge food coma induced nap after the huge meal. That gave me everything I needed for this, and the rest came very easy. Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it, and are surrounded by everything you are thankful for. Enjoy!

Also, PS- Johale appears, with their boys! Yay!

Peeta picks up a few plates as he yawns and walks through the living room.

Thanksgiving was a strange holiday for Pamen to restore once the Capitol was overthrown. Though Peeta has his own thoughts connecting it to how common starvation was before the Rebellion. For people who've lived through such terrible times with food never a sure thing, the idea of being able to come together with loved ones around a large meal shared with everyone, and celebrating the gifts they’ve been given sounds like a fitting one.

And with the large meal, warm fire, and pleasant company, their guests seem to have easily fallen into a nap.

Haymitch has fallen asleep on the single lazy chair, his head back and loudly snoring. Delly and Effie had both opted to excuse themselves, and while Effie was likely napping in the guest room, he’d caught a peak of Delly on the chair in the office. The couch was taken over by Gale, Johanna, and their twins. Gale snoozes while sitting much like Haymitch, with Jo tucked into his side. Ash and Alder are on either side of them.

The loveseat was shared by Katniss and his kids. Willow cushions her head on the arm of it and she has become little Rye’s pillow. As he walks past, he balances the handful of plates to kiss both of their heads.

He goes into the kitchen to find the missing person from the sleepy, peaceful picture in the living room. Katniss sleeps on the table, her head resting on folded arms while she leans forward. His wife is sleeping so soundly that he nearly doesn’t wake her, but decides to anyways; thinking about how her back will feel after a full nap in that position. Once the dishes are placed in the sink, he takes the chair next to her and gently begins rubbing her back to rouse her.

“You should go lay down on a bed if you want.” He says pressing a kiss to her cheek. Instead of it, she leans into him. Pillowing her head on his shoulder sideways. Wrestling to grab his hand for her own to hold.

“Willow, Rye-” After a moment once her mind is more awake.

“Both in dreamland, on the loveseat. Everyone’s fallen victim to full bellies it seems.” That seems to ease her completely and she leans on him heavily enough that he worries she’s fallen right back out. But he notices a wide smile and her eyes blinking back open.

“Bed?” She says.

“Bed. I’m sure someone will wake us up if they need anything.”

They make their way to the bedroom they share and leave the bedroom door open in case they were needed and lay themselves on their bed, Peeta's head on a pillow and her head using him for one. Half awake, a very sleepy Katniss decides it’s the time to speak. “I have a list for days like this.” She says quietly.

“A list for what?” He is well aware of her list, of her keeping track of all the goodness, the joy she sees, and collecting it to keep them all close. He doesn't mind listening to her explain it though when she is so tired, and evidently wants him to know.

“Everything good, everything and everyone to be thankful for. It’s a long list, lately.” She hugs him tighter. “A lot of them are here today.”

“A long list indeed.” He says back. Kissing her forehead before drifting off himself.

#Everlark #Katniss Everdeen #Peeta Mellark #Johanna x Gale #Johanna Mason #Gale Hawthorne #The Hunger Games #Happy Thanksgiving #AJ Writes #Drabble #Food Coma's #Toastbabies

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rainbowvamp · 1 year

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unsent letter: 1794

Author's Note: So… this was 200 words before I went ‘this is too short. how can I spice it up?’ and then made it 1000 words by accident. TW for the discussion of church/religion and use of catholic/religious language in regards to Dream. It’s very heavy handed. It is definitely blasphemous. If that’s something you care about, skip this one.

Summary: Hob is a sinner

---

I know I am a sinner, and I have done the wrong thing more times in my life than I have done the right thing. Even so, I count myself a worse man for my covetous desire of you. I know many men who deny their attraction to other men, but that isn’t what I mean. Firstly, are you even technically a man? But secondly, I feel like a bastard for wanting you when I know your interest is strictly platonic.

Well, maybe not so strictly. Those looks we shared at the White Horse five years ago didn’t feel platonic at the time, but maybe I’ve poisoned myself, been made delirious with desire and have read expressions on your face that were never there. But the way you flicked your eyes towards me made me think…

It doesn’t matter. It feels wrong to love you like this when I know that isn’t your wish. I don’t want to drive you away. I don’t want to make you think I’m not a safe person to visit. I know how uncomfortable a relationship can be when one person loves and the other does not return it. I’ve left no too few lives to avoid that very fate.

I’m a sinner, and I’ve always known it. I only hope you continue to look past that. That your eyes see me with the same compassion they saw me with in 1689. That your words are intended to advise, and never to push away. I covet you like nothing else on this earth, and though I hold no love for the Christian’s idea of a God, I hear about that sin often enough to know it’s hallmarks.

My nature as a man is to want. I have lived this long because I want so strongly to live. For a time I believed there was nothing I could want stronger.

I see my own error. I want you more strongly. I would die for you, as easily as I have lived for myself. I would kill for you more easily. I didn’t kill Johanna’s men, in 1789, but I could have. Would have. If you’d asked me to I’d have crushed their skulls beneath my heeled shoe and not hesitated for a moment, even as long distanced as I am from such gruesome deaths.

I would have killed them all, if you’d asked it of me. For my desire. For my love. For whatever facsimile of love I have to offer you.

Priests think they know so much. I sit through church most Sundays to avoid the gossip that happens when you are new to a place and don’t sit through church each Sunday, and today, this most holy day, the priest stood upon his stone steps before his congregation and preached that love was only pure through the eyes of God, family, and marriage. That love of the body, save for it’s necessity, was a sin to have and a sin to want.

I am a sinner, then, and I have been for a long while. I am made covetous by the very thought of you. I long to know the taste and touch and smell of you. I yearn for the sound of your breathless voice, made low by want and the heat of your lips made red by kissing.

And just as ardently I covet the words of your lips, in kindness and in friendship. I long to know what your favorite tea is, and how you prefer to take it. I yearn to share a space with you for longer than a scant few hours once every hundred years.

If this love is sin, Stranger, then what point is there to sainthood? Why strive to be sinless if it means I give you any less adoration than you are due?

I do not adhere to these laws of man. I’ve seen you and I know that if God, devils and angels were the only immortal beings that existed, you would never have stood in front of me. If you belong to some other category, what other things have these Bible beaters gotten wrong? What other lies and half truths live in their churches when I can look upon you and see all the hallmarks of divinity, but cannot call you by any name that they would say is divine.

You are another divinity, entirely, outside of their understanding, and so I put no stock in it.

Instead, I worship at your alter, and perhaps these letters are my offerings, measly and paltry as they may appear. They are all I have, and even these, I do not think you would accept.

I am a blind worshiper, Stranger, sacrificing my words and my soul to the heart of your hearth, never knowing if I will be seen, but knowing that doing otherwise would never be right.

We cannot worship only when we believe we will be rewarded for it. That, at least, the church is right about. I will almost certainly never see the fruits of my devotion, but this devotion feels as right as the churning, burning release of orgasm. As right as a well sated body. As right as a full belly and a warm bed. It is my duty to heel at your divine table, and so I do, in letters, and once, every hundred years, I attend a church service and am met by my God, or by the only being I have ever known to resemble one.

Am I a worse sinner, for loving someone holy in such unholy ways? What does a word like holy matter to someone like you? I only call my love a sin because I know that if you knew it, you would hate me for it, and to go against you is the only sin I can imagine.

I am hopeless. In this life. Would that I could forget, but in truth I would never wish to. I will endure the rest of my deathless life, loving you no hope it being requited, if only I can continue to see you, same as I always have, and kneel at your alter again, each century, offerings refused, but made because you deserve them, even if you want nothing of them.

AO3

#lore's dreamling letters

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bedlamgames · 11 months

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Q&A #116

Today we have a pally possibly being too convincing, scaling standards of ambiguous gender, and a decidedly thorny question I’m honnestly amazed it took this long to ask about. Well publically anyway as I’d already had one person suggesting it privately as an option, and needing to calm the nerves of one rather worried artist who wondered where I stood on the issue.

[ Anonymous asked : ] had the Severina unique recruitable slaver (Rynhart) " [see] the error of their ways and accompanied the paladin to redeem themselves through a new life of righteousness and devotion.", which seems like it shouldnt be possible?

- - Heh, will have to come up with some alternate text removal for someone like Rynhart that even such a persuasive paladin couldn’t manage to turn their head.

[ Anonymous asked : ] It seems like Aurviel Nightkiss no longer has the unique aspect: Flesh Art, and only has the enchanted item Despoiler's Reward. Is this intentional?

- - I think she always had a enchanted item instead of an aspect if I remember right? I checked back to 0.90 and she’s unchanged from what she is now.

[ Anonymous asked : ] I'm not sure if this is a bug or if the requirements for getting her have changed, but I can't seem to get the unique slave, Johanna from the Centre of Attention quest anymore. Male PC in the first slot with Corruption, Alrissa with Corruption in the second, and a generic slaver in the third slot has worked in the past, but now, even on a critical success, I just get a generic slave.

- - You only get her on the first attempt. Otherwise you’ll get the generic version.

[ cappyanon asked: ] So, there are two things that slightly puzzle me with character creation that bug me a little, so this is more of an ambiguous "bug report" than necessarily a question meant for this feature, but here it goes; Is there any chance you can go back through the male portraits characters and re-look at how the feminine and exceptional femininity traits work/are distributed? I feel like there's a lot of portraits where I should *really* be able to play as feminine, Goblin Trade Prince, the new Draenai portrait I forget the name of, that looks reminiscent of an Asian realdoll, and I think a taggerfolk portrait iirc. Hope you have good luck with your ongoing medical problems with your eyes, and can make a full recovery.

- - Happy to sort that for next update, and if you want the option for more of those borderline characters I didn’t think needed to start with (Fem) as standard but could have it in Full Custom let me know and I’ll make it available for them too. Thanks for the well wishes on the eye health. Still not quite back to 100% alas.

[ From the Patreon : ] Have you given any thought to using that AI Art system to gen art for your game?

- - Now that's a topic to put it lightly. Yes I've certainly considered it. Very tempting and that's quite the understatement. Especially to remove a bunch of the placeholder work like many of the portraits which could take a long, long time and expense to update them all. For now I'm going to rely on using commmissioned artists only as I think it's the right thing to do.

[ From the Patreon : ] Out of interest, is there an exceptional result for the ensnared rose quest to recover the package?

- - Best result on that one is getting the Cathayan bandit leader if you're taking slaves or getting extra gold if not

[ From the Patreon : ] there should probably be better feedback/mechanics when trying to get slavers to do stuff. When you try to intimidate someone and fail, for instance, it says the leader "wouldn't stand a chance in a fight," even if the leader is stronger, taller, aggressive, has magic, etc., especially since what it really means is "try again another day and you might get a different result." In general it's too hard to talk slavers into doing things.

- - There is an option to turn on more information in regard to the various rolls and modifiers.

And now a whole bunch of random lore questions

[ From the Discord : ] do Lamia/Lizardfolk/Gorgons consider Draki to be some kind cousin race? not so much like related cousin, but more like if they see one in a fight, they're quicker to side with them sort of thing

- - no, they don't smell at all right, and it puts them on edge. Draki may get entirely the wrong impression as the lamia keeps licking their lips and thinking they're horny for them

[ From the Discord : ] Is there a faction/race that is Far Ahead in Science/Culture/Magic/Faith? (Me note: Think 4x/Civ style win conditions)

- - High Elfs are winning a faith/culture strat for sure in how much they've managed to grab onto positions of power in the church of the dawning light

[ From the Discord : ] what type of job/classification would each race take too ordinarily? Veil are scholars, or record keepers, but what about the rest

- - Drider seamstress obvs. Troll bartenders or bouncers. Even wenches sometimes. They like taverns.

[ From the Discord : ] Are there any minor faiths we have yet to see?

- - I did have a dropped faith back when I was more using existing art and wanted to do something with those demon hunter/that draenei thing style tatts. Ideas from that are now going to be eventually, maybe used for that circlyte cult I talked about in new races.

I've also been toying with doing something with the Hashut/Mordor vibe seeing as the zharr I did something entirely different with. That'd probably be an add on to a new race

[ From the Discord : ] do get sunny beaches north of the kreen desert right?

- - Closest sunny beaches is there's some north of quellini which is on that patch of land just across the sea. There's probably also some both north and south of the sands east of the mountains.

[ From the Discord : ] You know those maps of the us with the most searched sex term? for each state If that was a thing in NH, what would the top search term of each area be?

- - City of Aversol: Probably Convent/Corruption or both at once

Ever Forest: The urge to make a world wide web joke is so very high. Probaby High Elves due to them being tantalizingly close but also far too protected

Great Plains: Nobles getting degraded

Dreadsea Coast: Given all the brothels and vast variety already available, likely something overly romantic and with a plot to really get invested in, also they'd probably be the ones making it for the other regions, and there's likely some porn shows with an audience to be found

Deep Mountains: They like to get out into the fresh air and touch grass too much to bother with porn

[ From the Discord : ] Are there beauty pageants in the city?

- - Beauty Pageants are certainly a thing, not just for ladies either, and yes that sounds like a great unexplored avenue for assignment fodder

[ From the Discord : ] are there any widely played boardgames in the world of NH?

- - Definitely yes on the board games, though they haven't caught on as much due to the expense of acquiring one, as card games of which there's a dizzying numbers of.

So you'll only likely find them in the possession of the richer types as a status symbol.

[ From the Discord : ] What's the discovery that hits the sweet spot between "utterly baffling to those that found it" but would be completely mundane to like, us? like gym equipment or something

- - explosives that actually do something cause a certain amount of awe, they are incredibly hard to transport without losing potency, and so only the really well funded mining guilds can afford to make use of them. It's so rare and so unlike what can be accomplished that some nobles will pay to come along and watch the devestation

[ From the Discord : ] hmm, which race, not counting the fel, would you say is publicly viewed as the most "dangerous" correctly or not

- - witches, absolutely witches

there's posters in most town saying if you see a black pointy hat to report the sightings to your friendly town guard

other than that depends who you ask, you could probably get someone to say pretty much any race deoending on their experiences

also lago'mae but that's mainly as either they won't have heard of them or they just wonder what the one they might have seen was up too

demi-angels too I guess, though they're more 'in danger'

only exceptions seen as 'mostly harmless' are probably the hakh

[ From the Discord : ] Speaking of Oozes, how "in control" of their bodies are they? Like could a sufficiently determined Ooze go full Mystique and mimic anything she sees - aside from, like, still being see-through

- - reasonably so but they do have a preffered form they need to revert to where their body is at ease

anything they do that's not that requires a certain strain, it might be minimal but eventually it adds up like holding a book out in front of you

but yes there's like the equivalent of ooze body builders who can perfectly mimic someone's body and facial features for a time, though y'know still being green and translucent

[ From the Discord : ] how long can Lamia get?

- - not that big, hmm say can bring themself up taller than an ogre, and with a tail length at least as long again as that

though most aren't that long

[ From the Discord : ] Do the various beastie races integrate their traits into beauty standards? Shiny scales are attractive on lamia, neko appreciate a fluffy tail, horned ones like big horns, etc.

- - lamia aren't too bothered about scales as long as they're not too uncared for, mermaids though absolutely are, and yes horned ones very much believe the bigger, the more curly the horns the better

[ From the Discord : ] Assuming an average member of the race, which race is the least bothered about being enslaved?

- - probably neko? They're used to people thinking they can take advantage of them

and will often play along if it sounds fun

though full on enslavement is going to get even the most ditzy neko thinking they deserve more respect than that

[ From the Discord : ] Which races tend to be the most solitary, and due to preference instead of rarity and all that?

- - driders are the obvious one, as they tend to either be a loner doing their own thing, or a single mother raising a couple of driderlings at most

not counting leviathan though

they love it there and so have congregated far more than is usual for them

[ From the Discord : ] I'm sure you answered this way back, but if Aversol is like NH Vegas, what are the other 2 main cities like

- - hmm I wouldn't see Aversol is Vegas, I'd say if you can think of a city with a bit of a chip on their shoulder (naming no names as I'm sure you can think of your own national examples) due to not being the biggest, not being the wealthiest, and certainly not the best located but think they're better than they're given credit

Quinelles is Aversol with it's act more together, it's actually on the coast, it's got much cleaner streets, and everything is just that bit more glam and shiny. Though it's also got more of a troubled recent history within living memory as it has been sacked, and there have been incidents locally that have scared the locals so they tend to be a bit less relaxed

Leviathan is weird, people don't tend to stay long, as you either jive with living on an unimaginably big sea monster corpse or you don't

[ From the Discord : ] Is the local l-ball team the most victorious though? That's everything. that. counts.

- - ooh tricky let's say the division is curently close between a team from the drow city under the deep mountains, and one owned by a dwarf also from the deep mountains and so there's a lot of interest and rivalry

though that's just the local league and neither are expeted to do much against the teams from further north

[ From the Discord : ] Is are there kaiju equivalents in NH? like is there a Gidorah/Godzilla adjacent mythos?

- - there's evidence of them but the biggest creature people have actually seen are the bigs and mermen

[ From the Discord : ] seeing as how Lago'Mae's are the most recently found race, are there as of yet undiscovered races? (don't have to name names)

- - there are races that people don't know about usually like gorgons, but even in those cases there's going to be plenty who do based on location like in the frost wastes everyone knows about them

looking at my races to do list, scorps would be one of those people know all about them in the sands, but outside of it people would be rather scared by the concept actually existing

spotted newps would be another where those living on the edges like wastelanders know they're a thing, but outside it'd rare to have heard of them

[ From the Discord : ] What's the setting's Florida equivalent I.E. has a lot of bizarre stories come out of it

- - you know what? Totally this region where the game is set, the deep mountains is totally blamed for being a weirdness magnet

that's one of the reasons Aversol people have a complex, and will say things like '"we're not that got close to those mountains, really"

and get pouty when relatives refuse to visit

[ From the Discord : ] Everyone seems to be more or less ok with the status quo, is there any race that is actively trying to rock the boat?

- - probably lago'mae actually as they have a genuine agenda which is why they've made themself known for the first time in the last couple of decades

they're unsure of what they need to do, or to who, but they have something to do and they do not care whose toes they need to step on to do it, tail either if toes do not apply

[ From the Discord : ] Does the mermaid update come with a Suspiciously Large Crab (Bea) trait

- - ...why must you create more work for me, okay it does now :D

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kpop-sports-books-series-fangirl · 3 years

Text

I’m sorry (Hunger Games)

Masterlist

Request form and prompt list

(Y/N) - Your name

Plot - (Y/N) was captured by the capitol and somehow manages to escape, but their former best friend, Finnick, and the Mockingjay are mad at them because they couldn’t save Peeta and Annie. (Y/N) volunteers to go on the mission to save Peeta, Annie, and Johanna from the capitol.

Warning - Super angsty, mentions of blood, torture, violence and gun shots

“...So, any volunteers?” President Coin asks everyone around the table. Gale Hawthorne is the first to raise his hand. “I’ll go,” he says.

The gloomy atmosphere of the room shifts to one of caution when I speak for the first time in two weeks. “I’ll go too,”

I can’t bear any more of the cold looks of my former best friend. And the glares from the Mockingjay. Was it really my fault that I managed to escape from the capitol? I saw my chance and took it. Being tortured for months was not a good experience and I got out as soon as I could.

I thought my ex-best friend would be happy to see me, but the only thing I see when I look in his eyes is pure hatred for me, pure hatred at the fact that I couldn’t save the love of his life, Annie. Not me, Annie.

Everyone looks at me, shocked at the fact that I’d volunteered to go back to the place that I was imprisoned and tortured. Everyone but Finnick. I looked at him. He avoided my gaze. Surprise.

Sighing, I exited the room, not even waiting for the meeting to be finished. I head back to my room, and look through my things once again, in case I won’t make it back.

I take out the box of my belongings from my district. I picked up the fishing hook that my father gave me the day before he was killed by Snow. I clutched it in my hand and continued looking through the box. The next thing was a necklace, my older sister’s necklace.

I tied it around my neck and observed it through the mirror my mother had bought for my 15th birthday. The last thing that lay in the box was a picture. The picture of me and Finnick back when we were kids.

I had just jumped on Finnick’s back and he ran around like crazy. My sister had taken a picture with her brand new camera which was gifted to her by our parents for her 13th birthday. She lost the camera and I remember looking for it for days and when it didn’t turn up, she cried a lot, feeling like she had betrayed our parents by losing the camera.

One evening, I couldn’t bear to see my sister crying anymore, so I had stomped over to Finnick’s house, dragged him out and made him help me search for it. We had decided to split up and cover more ground, but I got lost.

I tried finding my way back, but I couldn't, eventually, the sun started setting and I found a huge oak tree under which I took shade. My stomach grumbled out of hunger, and me being the 7-year-old I was, had started crying and drifted off into an uncomfortable slumber.

A few hours later, I was shaken awake by Finnick. “Hey, (Y/N), wake up,” He then noticed the tear stains on my face and pulled me into a hug. “Why were you crying?” He asked me. “I got lost, and I was so alone and I got scared,” I admitted to him.

He pulled out of the hug, keeping his hands on my shoulders, and said, “I’m sorry. I won’t ever let you get lost again. If you somehow do still manage to get lost, come to this tree, okay? And I will find you, I promise,”

“Promise?” I asked again. “I promise to always be there for you no matter what!” He says and goes to hold my hand. “I promise to always hold this hand,”

I smiled at him, and he led the way home.

He broke the promise. He broke the promise when he let me be taken by the capitol. Blinking the tears away, I set everything back in the box.

I felt a sudden urge to throw up and ran to the bathroom in my room and coughed out blood. This had been happening for a while now. I thought it was because of the torture that was inflicted upon me, but now, I’m not too sure.

I wash myself up and go to sit on my bed, trying to calm down.

I hear a knock on my door, and I stand up and open the door a crack so no one could even look in. It was Gale.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning, and we’re meeting for the briefing in an hour,” He said. I simply nodded and shut the door on his face.

☽˚･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ♡ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆☽

We all are geared up and waiting for everyone in the airborne division. We board the hovercraft and take off.

Everyone looks anxious. The hovercraft feels a little more crowded than I like with 7 people aboard. The red lights flashing doesn’t help the nervous energy in the air... Some people are reviewing the plans with each other and I see Gale looking over at me.

I look away and close my eyes, trying to prepare my mind for what I’m about to witness again.

Once we reached there, we entered through a secret passageway that we were informed about through our earpiece. We took out the two guards who were standing guard to the prison area.

One of the people took out a gadget and started to press some buttons, but I wasn’t concentrating, just trying to get myself mentally ready.

The doors opened with a loud hiss, revealing the huge chamber with cells. Everything was white, reminding me of the times when I was trapped in here with nothing else to look at.

All the memories of the place came rushing back.

I was sitting on the floor, clutching my head in an attempt to stop the immense pain traveling through my veins. I hear evil laughter and when I look up, I see Snow. “So, are you ready to speak now?” He asked. “Never!” I spat at him. “Increase it to the highest level,” he said to no one, but I knew that there were people watching and listening from the CCTV cameras, and immediately, the pain intensified by 20 times. I screamed so loud, the whole of Panem probably heard me. When the pain finally died down a bit, my throat was sore by how much I had screamed.

I was snapped back into reality when Gale snapped his fingers in front of me. I noticed that the alarm was triggered and red lights were blaring. I noticed that we have Peeta, Annie, and Johanna with us now and we were heading back to the hovercraft.

I stayed at the back of the group in case a peacekeeper came to attack and followed the rest out through a different passage.

Suddenly, I heard a few shouts “This way! They’re here,” followed by some gunshots. Everyone in front of me was running now, we turned right and hid behind the wall.

I spun around, signaling the others to continue going, and shot at the peacekeepers. They were shooting back of course, but I had a much better aim. I felt pressure in my abdomen and I shot down the last person.

I looked down to see I had been shot, but I covered it with my t-shirt and turned to follow the others.

I managed to jog back to the hovercraft without fainting, although the loss of blood was making me lightheaded. They were trying to get Peeta to trust them and board the hovercraft but he wouldn’t budge.

I couldn’t stand anymore and I collapsed on a seat in the hovercraft. I put my hand on the wound and pressed down on it, hoping to slow the blood flow.

“(Y/N), would you come and help-! What happened!?” I heard someone say in the distance, but I couldn’t make out who it was. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness.

It felt like hours till we made it back to district 13 and I was rushed to an emergency room. They didn’t have any sedatives on hand so they had to take out the bullet with me awake.

The pain was building up now that the adrenaline rush was gone. I couldn’t remember much that happened, just that fact that I was blinded from the pain, I had clenched my fists, trying to somehow grab something, and I heard beeps around me before I completely went out of consciousness.

Once I woke up, the doctors told me that it had been almost a week since the mission. When I had asked them if someone came to visit, they said no. I thought Finnick would come. I thought we were best friends. I thought-

I don’t know why I thought that anymore. If me taking a bullet for his love isn’t enough, I don’t know what else I can do for him. I might as well give up.

No one cares about me. I turned my head so that the doctor couldn’t see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I looked down at my hand, the same one Finnick always promised to hold. If he really was my best friend, he would have been there when they were removing the bullet, holding my hand, but he was probably celebrating with Annie.

No one needs me. After my family was killed, no one loved me. No one cared about me and no one needed me.

“We need to run a few more tests on you today, then you can rest,” The doctor told me. I nodded okay. “Doctor, how many days will I have to stay here for?” I asked him.

“You have very bad injuries and it might take more than a month to heal. If the test results are showing that you have another illness, then, we can’t tell until we figure out what you are diagnosed with,”

By the end of the day, I was exhausted and all of the test results had come back. I was resting in my bed, waiting for the doctor to come back, and he came in wearing a regretful expression.

“What happened?” I asked him. “Your results show that you have lung cancer,” “Can you treat it?” I ask even though I don’t know if I want to live anymore.

“We don’t have the resources to treat a Stage 1 cancer here, and you have Stage 4 cancer,” he broke the news.

I took a moment to soak it in before I asked, “How long do I have to live?”

“You should have had 1 month, but because of the bullet, your condition worsened and you just have two weeks left, I’m sorry,” he said and he left the room.

I have two weeks left. Two weeks of my life. I didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to anyways.

After a few days of moping in the hospital room, I find out that Annie and Finnick are going to get married.

On the day of the wedding, I still couldn't get out of the wheelchair, so one of the doctors took me to the wedding.

It was an okay wedding, mostly because it wasn’t me up there, beside’s Finnick. I was sitting at the back of the hall, so no one could see me, I didn’t mind though, I could just watch everything in peace.

Annie and Finnick kiss. They’re married. At least Finnick is happy now, I can see that smile on his face that I couldn’t put there.

A fit of coughs hit me, but the music is too loud and no one cares enough to take a look at me. I start coughing so hard that I’m thrown out of the wheelchair and I can see blood slowly pooling on the floor. A minute later, I collapse, still coughing. Until my eyes close.

Finnick P.O.V

It’s been two days since Annie and I got married, and I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, clutching onto the letter, trying not to cry.

I was just told that (Y/N) died during the wedding due to lung cancer. they left me a note. It said:

Hey Finnick!

I know by the time you read this I’ll be gone. Hopefully to heaven, but with all I’ve done, I wouldn’t be surprised if I go downstairs. Anyways enough about me. I was very angry with you for breaking your promise, but I figured, what good is it to die angry? Might as well live a happy two weeks of life I have left.

I want to get a weight off of my shoulders. I’m sorry I didn’t save Annie when I came back. I should have tried harder. I’m sorry.

I know you won’t miss me when I’m gone, but I’ll miss you. Your friendship. You were there for me through a lot of my hard times, so I want to say thank you.

Thank you for finding me when I got lost. Thank you for defending me against those bullies back in school. Thank you for the happiest times of my life. Thank you for being the reason my smile became just a tiny bit bigger. Thank you for being the reason my heart opened up more. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for being the reason to light up my life, even though I wasn’t yours.

Thank you Finnick, thank you.

I just want to say one last thing to you.

I love you.

I always have, even though you never loved me back.

Live a happy life with Annie.

Don’t you dare cry for me.

(Y/N)

I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing anymore. I was the reason for their anger in the last few days of their life. Only if I hadn’t hated them when they came back from the capitol and been thankful, maybe they wouldn’t have gone.

I didn’t even get to apologize to them. The last thing I said to them was “How could you not have gotten Annie back?!”

And they loved me? If only I had known before I met Annie because I was in love with them too.

A/N: I know the timeline is completely messed up, but I couldn't understand the exact timeline in the book, so I went with what felt right. Hope you enjoy it! :)

-TheBlueBookworm is out~!!!

#hunger games #finnick odair #finnick x reader #finnick x annie #finnick angst #gale hawthorne

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furashuban · 3 years

Text

As High As The Moon Above

The first work so far of a Hilda AU I’ve written centered around Kaisa and Johanna but as childhood friends (which I’ve titled the Spellbound AU)! Hope ya’ll enjoy!

Pairing: Sketchbook Ship (Kaisanna)

Words: 5.5k

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33556615/chapters/83380660

Summary: Kaisa must practice casting a new spell before her next training session with her teacher, Tildy. In response, her best friend Johanna, unbeknownst that Kaisa is training to become a witch, offers to take her along on a camping trip outside the wall of Trolberg to help her concentrate.

A cart of books strolled and squeaked through the halls of the Trolberg library. The keeper of the books went about their business reshelving heaps upon heaps of returned literature, glimpsing every aisle they passed with most having little to no visitors browsing the shelves. They eventually spot a girl in a black cardigan and purple dress, complimented by her short black hair, muttering as she struggled to return a single book into a column two spaces above her head. The librarian lets go of the cart to approach the tiptoeing visitor.

“I can help with that, Kaisa,” they offered warmly. “Please, allow me.”

“No, that’s okay.” The girl spoke in a heavy Nordic accent. “Almost got it…” She grunted again before successfully sliding her book through the shelf. “There.”

The librarian noticed a stack of other books carried around Kaisa’s arm as she walked away to the next aisle. Thinking that she would turn down her assistance if she offered again, the librarian simply grinned and nodded, returning to her cart to reshelve on their own.

Kaisa was now at the second floor with her books. One might think she was merely volunteering to aid in the librarian’s duties, but in truth, she spent half the day at the library to read as many books as she possibly could. Some were finished cover-to-cover, others she only read half way through, but promised to come back for until she was absorbed enough to borrow and reread them home; only in the library could she bring herself to finish a book in its entirety.

She made it to the end of the second floor’s hall where a bookshelf had a column within reach, as well as space between other books, which luckily for Kaisa was meant for all the books on her pile alone, and slid every book into it at once before heaving a sigh of relief.

Onto the next stack she could gather, thinking to herself. But out of nowhere, a feeling of suspicion coincided with her imagination and stood frozen before the bookshelf. Kaisa began pulling out books slightly and placing them back a second after. She hummed, now peering behind the gap between the walls and bookcase and ran her hand through the edges, all the while someone new was walking towards her direction.

“…Oh, there you are!” another person’s voice spoke jubilantly behind her. “Almost thought you left already, been looking everywhere for you.”

Kaisa turned around; the voice was all too familiar. In front of her was a girl the same age as she was, brown hair that tied into a ponytail and wearing a Sparrow Scout uniform. She smiled as she stood, bringing excitement to Kaisa’s heart.

“You’re back from your badge work!” her whole face lit up.

“Yep! Just earned my Geology Badge today, so that’s one more to my sash and for the ceremony.” The Sparrow Scout explained proudly.

“Stolt över dig, Johanna.” Kaisa applauded. “And the badge ceremony is soon, right?”

“Well, it’s only a month from now.” Johanna pointed out. “Actually, I was hoping you would be able to come and attend, if you won’t be busy, of course.”

Kaisa reached for the brunette’s hand and held it up with both her palms. “I would not miss it for anything.” She guaranteed excitedly, making her best friend blush and glance away overjoyed.

“…So, um, what have you been up to?” Johanna asked. “…apart from reading that is.”

“I was looking for secret doors in the library.” Kaisa explained, turning back to the bookshelf. “There must be whole other rooms with more books hidden in the shelves somehow.”

Johanna walked closer to the colossal shelf of literature and helped inspect with Kaisa. “Have you tried pulling every book like it was a lever?” she suggested, also wanting to be inquisitive of rooms behind the library walls.

“Almost all of them, yes.” Kaisa nodded. “Do you think this might be the wrong shelf?”

“Personally, the library is already kinda big on its own. It’ll take ages to find where the right one is.” Johanna admitted. “But hey, if we don’t find them, you can always add them when you become the future librarian.”

“You know…” Kaisa turned back to Johanna. “That’s exactly what I’ll do…!”

Johanna had known Kaisa’s dreams of being the keeper of books for as long as she could remember. She enjoyed visiting the Trolberg library just as much as anyone else, but she never met anybody who treated it like it was their own home the same way Kaisa did. One could write a fairytale of a girl who lived here, she thought at one point, and wanted to be the protagonist adventurer who would come to befriend her. That idea came back to her briefly as she faced an enthusiastic Kaisa, and for that reason, she giggled quietly; the fairytale might actually be true.

Before the two girls could continue their conversation, a figure stood over and caught their attention. They looked up on a woman suiting a long, sophisticated gray dress and a decorative hat reminiscent to what witch’s wear.

“Oh, hello Arch Sorcer…I MEAN Tildy…” Kaisa stammered. “What brings you here…?”

The woman smiled warmly at the girl to reassure her tension. “Nothing much, my dear.” She spoke in a gentle tone. “Just came looking for a book to bring home and all.”

She peeped over the closest bookshelf and quickly skimmed through it before pulling out a novel that read The Skeleton Whisperer on the cover. “Ah yes, this will do.” she said. “I suppose you’re here continuing extra work on your training.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Kaisa gave a half smile. “I just finished, but I can continue if you insist that I do…”

“No need to stress.” Tildy assured. “I know you’ve worked quite hard today. Catch your breath and continue your studies tomorrow.” She turned her attention to Johanna. “You and your friend deserve the time to respite.”

The sorceress-in-secret kneeled down to Kaisa and whispered on her ear. “Also, I couldn’t help but overhear your suggestions on secret rooms,” she continued. “I think it’s a great idea. We’ll talk about it with the Committee next time we head down the tower.”

And with her borrowed book, the mysterious woman walked onwards. “Adieu, children.” She said before making her way downstairs with her borrowed book.

“See you soon madame Pilqu…Tildy, I mean.” Kaisa also bid farewell.

“I thought you were just here waiting before we could hang out.” Johanna expressed.

“I was.” retorted Kaisa. “But I tried catching up with some studies, too, for when I meet with Tildy again.”

“Who was she anyway?” asked Johanna. “She seemed very…enigmatic, sort of, but sweet.”

“She’s my teacher.” Kaisa answered. “I took up her apprenticeship long ago, but I’m not allowed to talk about it too much...”

Johanna could fathom; never once had Kaisa talked about any apprenticeship before. She now looked distressed once she saw her teacher was here, stroking down her locks to the point her bangs nearly covered her eyes. The Sparrow Scout could feel her frown forming by seeing Kaisa’s own, now wishing to know much about this part of her friend’s life she had not known previously.

“Do you not get along with her, Kaisa?” asked Johanna.

“Oh, she’s actually really nice to me, kind of like my farmor.” she replied. “It’s just that…Well, I don’t know…” she paused, squirming from hesitation. She said it herself, she was not allowed to talk about her sessions with Tildy, whether it was what she was being taught or what she was even learning to become. But she knew Johanna will be left with loads of questions if she did not reveal much about her apprenticeship starting now.

Kaisa sighed, maybe she did not have to reveal a lot of the truth to Johanna if she really wanted to explain her vexation. “So, look, there’s this sort of… “routine” we’ll call it, that Tildy is letting me practice until next week.” she continued. “As usual, I need to prepare by studying a lot first, but it’s hard to actually practice where I live. There’s not enough privacy to do the routine with my mum around, and if I don’t get it right when I meet Tildy, well, I’m afraid I’ll disappoint her…”

Almost instantly, Johanna brainstormed the perfect solution to Kaisa’s ordeal. “Wait a sec, Kaisa, I know exactly how you can practice.” she beamed. “But the catch is, I might have to accompany you the whole time.”

“What do you mean?” Kaisa asked.

“I’ll be going camping this weekend!” clarified Johanna. “My parents allowed me to go so I can prepare for my camping badge, but what they don’t know is that I plan to settle outside the walls.” she extended her hand and swung it across. “I’m going as far away from the city as I can, remote into the wilderness, and maybe just close enough to my grandad’s old house if I’m lucky. And to top it off, you can come with me!”

Kaisa’s face went white. “So you’re saying I should I join you…in going outside the walls?”

“Yep, exactly!” Johanna expressed. “Think about it, there will still be time to prepare and see your teacher after you’re done practicing in the trip, and no one else can find you practicing in the wilderness. Besides, it’ll be fun with just you and me in the outdoors!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Johanna…” Kaisa faltered. “I could…But it sounds a bit risky. And you would still be around when I start practicing, so that’s still a problem for me.”

“Well, it’s no worries then,” the brunette reassured. “It was just worth the suggestion, but I understand.”

A bit of quietness befell for the two girls. Kaisa glanced away and envisioned Johanna’s planned escapade outside the walls. Maybe letting her leave while being the only person to know about it was not such a good idea. Anything could happen in the wilderness, and Kaisa shuddered to think what harm would come to Johanna when she could have personally protected her the same way she would if they camped together.

Kaisa returned to glancing at Johanna. “Promise me you will not tell anyone about my training…?” she said.

Johanna gasped and smiled all at once. “Don’t worry, you can trust me.” she swore.

Kaisa grabbed hold of Johanna’s shoulders. “Johanna, no one can ever know about what I practice.” she continued with visible anxiety in her complexion. “I will get in trouble, and it will be worse for you, and something bad will happen to both of us somehow.” her voice became twice as strained and her grip slowly tightened. “Jag kan inte förlåta mig själv…!”

“Kaisa, listen, it’s going to be okay…” Johanna’s tone was light and calm, guiding Kaisa’s hands to let go. “Look, I may not understand everything about your apprenticeship or your routine, but your teacher said no need to stress. Well, I’m saying it too.” She elevated her posture. “I promise as your best friend to not only help you, but to also never tell a single soul of our adventure, nor what I’ll see regarding your training during it.” She finalized with a Sparrow Scout’s salute.

Kaisa grinned, feeling relief course through her mind. “Thank you.” She spoke softly. “I’ll stop worrying now.”

“Alright, let’s go then,” Johanna chuckled. “The park’s waiting for us. We’ll talk more about our trip there.”

Every day went by slowly for Kaisa, but the weekend finally came for her and Johanna to head out into the wilderness. However, even the hours of the day went by just as slowly when she waited for the Sparrow Scout to come by her house. She was in her room filling her pack with her own essential needs that were instructed for her to bring in a camping trip. The only thing not packed in her luggage was her wand with an amethyst pommel, which she kept hidden under her cardigan.

Whether it was going to be in the camping trip or when they were older, Kaisa knew that Johanna was going to discover she was a witch this whole time. The vague routine she said she hoped to practice was in fact a spell which of course involved her wand, an incantation and some magic. She trembled at the fact that there was no point of return in continuing to hide the truth from Johanna after the library visit. It was not just that there were punishments and compromises to a witch’s identity being revealed, but would her best friend still even want to be friends with someone who is capable of influencing the paranormal like her? Even if she had doubts of her own strength, would just being a witch-in-training be enough to scare her and split their friendship apart?

It made Kaisa’s head spin and groan every time. If there was one thing she hoped to do as a witch, it was the power to predict other people’s choices and wishes, that way she would never have to endure the pain of overthinking about the company in her present or future ever again.

Behind her, a knock on the window thudded twice. Kaisa quickly turned to see Johanna on the other side, no longer in her uniform but rather in a red and blue flannel above her overalls while her long, swaying hair spilled down her shoulders, waving her hand with the brightest smile on her face.

“Ready for our camping trip, Kaisa?” she asked, her voice softened from the glass pane.

Kaisa rushed to open the window. “Am I supposed to jump out through here?” she asked back, realizing Johanna did not stop by the front door.

“Mhm.” The brunette nodded. “We’ll be much faster exiting the walls with this route.”

“My mum’s not even home,” Kaisa pointed out. “It wouldn’t matter as much.”

“Does she also know you’re heading out today?” Johanna diverted.

“Yes, of course she does.” Kaisa answered.

The brunette gestured to leave. “No time to waste, then.”

Kaisa chuckled and shook her head in amusement. While hurrying to take her pack, Johanna made room for her to climb out and reclose the window, then rushing as fast as they could into the city’s portion of the forestland to avoid attention.

One of the exits out of the walls was just nearby, and the pair made it with nothing stopping their way. No traffic of vehicles driving into the city, no guards surveilling the entrance, just a mere traffic stop standing dormant on the gate to halt anyone from entering and exiting. Quickly, the two girls ran like the wind, hoping they were not spotted by Bellkeepers and citizens in general, finally ending up in the outside world to trek on their own.

“We still have a long way to go,” Johanna said. “The perfect camping ground should be yonder…”

Johanna continued walking a few paces, but Kaisa stopped to look back at the gate to Trolberg still nearby. She could feel her eyes welling up and her heart pounding out her chest as every second of her fear grew. Not often was she outside, but the wilderness was a whole new scenario that she wished she prepared more for. She did not want to leave for Johanna’s safety, but it was so easy for her to feel afraid in these surroundings. The Sparrow Scout herself looked back and noticed Kaisa frozen in uncertainty.

“Hey, we’ll to be okay,” Johanna hurried to comfort her best friend. “I promise I’ll protect you. I won’t let anything hurt us in this trip.”

Kaisa whimpered and stared back at Johanna. The anxiety etched on her face was contagious to the brunette and stung her heart, but she forced a smile and sneakily grabbed Kaisa’s hand.

“I’ll hold onto you the entire time we’re out here, that way we’ll both feel safe,” she entangled her fingers with Kaisa’s.

Something sparkled in Kaisa’s eyes when she saw her hand grasping her best friend’s. She did not say a word, but a warm smile finally carved on her face and was enough for Johanna to know that she will be okay. The two pressed on, Johanna remained ahead while Kaisa was behind her, their hands still holding and keeping them close together.

They hiked a chartless trail among the forestlands where the leaves changing color from summer to fall was ever so present, and the sunshine beamed infinite rays of its light through the trees trying to cover it. Kaisa was lost in thought, appreciating the view of the forest; she turned her head in all directions and felt a wave of reassurance with every view, made even more so with Johanna taking the lead as she hummed a tune. Seeing she was still holding Kaisa’s hand, the witch-in-secret recalled what Johanna had said earlier about protecting each other, something she could not stop thinking at all, but wanted to address as casually as she could.

“Hey, Johanna…” Kaisa called.

“Yes, Kaisa?”

“Do you ever think humans could become familiars?”

“You mean like the ones witches have?” Johanna asked back. “Well, I’m not sure… It would be pretty neat if they could, though.”

“I agree,” Kaisa said. “It wouldn’t be common, but talking with a human familiar would sure feel like less work.”

“Yep,” Johanna retorted. “Wait just a minute…” her tone grew wary.

Kaisa gulped, feeling nervous of what Johanna intended to say. “Y-Yeah…?”

“Imagine if one us became a witch’s familiar!” Johanna’s eyes lit up.

The corner of Kaisa’s mouth quirked up and giggled, mostly out of relief. “You’d actually want to become one?”

“Sure, why not?!” Johanna replied. “Think of all the cool spells you get to help a witch out on. If I was a familiar, I would never ever leave their side, constantly aiding them…kind of like I am with you!”

The girl behind her blushed. “That’s good to know…” she whispered, hoping Johanna would not turn to see the glee on her reddened complexion.

Miles and miles of trees and rivers were wandered through by the duo until they grew eventually tired. When both the sun and sky glowed a warm tinge of orange, the time came to build their camp, far away from the nearest residence of Trolberg.

“Right, this should be good, I think,” said Johanna, letting go of her pack and rummaging through the compartment holding her tent. “Can you help build the tent with me, Kaisa?”

“Can do.” Kaisa nodded.

The land which Johanna and Kaisa settled in was a flat and grassy plane surrounded by the corners of the forest in a crescent shape. Beyond the breach of the crescent was more verdant terrain which stretched onto the large gray mountains ahead. It was the perfect camping ground to pick for those beginning to camp out on their own, and both Johanna and Kaisa wasted no time hoisting their tent cloth and holding it together with ropes, stakes and rods.

Having practiced building a tent back home and during Sparrow Scout activities, along with having Kaisa’s assistance, Johanna finished constructing the tent for the two before the sun was even down.

“Don’t worry, it will be more comfortable on the inside than it looks on the outside.” Johanna spoke, wiping away a drop sweat on her head.

“I think it looks comfy already.” Kaisa said. “Well done!”

“Couldn’t have done it without your help, though.” She pulled Kaisa closer to her, making her chuckle.

Their belongings and sleeping bags were settled in their tent, and a bonfire was built by Johanna with foliage and twigs to give them warmth. It was as though her retreat needed for her camping badge had already happened if one could realize the adeptness of which she put together the camp, but her days as a Sparrow Scout had in fact prepared her for fun, spontaneous trips in the wilderness.

Until the sky totally darkened, the two kept themselves busy with conversations of the week they had after seeing each other in the library, which new books they have read, and enjoyed cups of hot cocoa from a tin canister Johanna packed along. With all the goings-on being enjoyed since they left Trolberg, Kaisa almost forgot that she intended to continue her witch training while she was camping with the brunette. The scene in the tent surrounded by the orange light of the lantern, filling the air with laughter and merriment, was all Kaisa and Johanna could ever hope to cherish together, but it was best that the witch-in-secret began her training as soon as she could.

“Okay, Johanna, I should probably start now.” Kaisa said, rising from her spot in the tent.

“Alright, good luck!” Johanna cheered. “If anything bad happens, shout as loud as you can to call me.”

Kaisa stepped out of the tent. Immediately, another wave of fear coursed through her mind and made her quiver in place by the tent’s entrance. She was overthinking once more; what if a Troll was out and near to the camp? What if there was a Barghest on the run? Every monster from every folklore that she had ever read could be out to harm her and Johanna in this hour. She withdrew her wand from her cardigan and clenched it tightly with both hands. Kaisa reminded herself that even if danger was nearby, she would be first to protect Johanna like she hoped she would, and Johanna will do the same if she herself was threatened.

She took small steps away from the tent, far enough that Johanna would not notice any magic ensuing. A full moon was rising, and Kaisa looked up. It captivated her, and her ability to use magic should be as strong as ever, she thought.

Taking a deep breath, it was time for the levitation spell.

“Bara fokusera…” she spoke to herself softly. “Gå så högt som månen ovan….”

Soon, she closed her eyes and opened her palm, holding it upwards by her chest. The tip of her wand glowed a purple spec of light and atop her palm, then twirled it in circles over and over. She whispered an incantation that Tildy taught her, being just one sentence of incomprehensible words to non-witches, and repeated it again until the whole spell was set in motion. As the wand circled more and more, sparkles exuded out from nowhere until a purple aura sheathed the outlines of her physique.

“As high as the moon above…” she whispered.

Suddenly, Johanna exited the tent to sit by the campfire. Kaisa was out of sight, but the brunette did not plan on finding her no matter how much she wanted to see this “routine” she was practicing. The concentration and privacy which her best friend said she lacked was all that mattered to Johanna. She spread her hands around the warmth of the blaze, but even before she could fully respite, she heard the leaves rustle in the forestland ahead. The brunette looked up and squinted at nothing but silhouettes and darkness.

Leaning in a bit forward, she finally realized what was apparently coming forward. It was a large, bulky figure; its eye glowing in a nearly strong luminosity of white. Johanna’s heart was racing, there was no way it could be what she thought it was. But as the figure revealed more of itself among the forestland, it was indeed the worst possible thing for the camping trip: a large Troll rummaging through the wilderness.

Johanna yelped, but quickly covered her mouth to avoid getting the Troll’s attention. She got up from her seat by the fire and hurried to find Kaisa’s training spot, panickily whispering her name. To her relief, she found her just standing still behind the tent, but immediately froze out of a whole different feeling of concern.

Kaisa’s eyes remained shut and muttered to herself while a big spark of light glimmered above her hand, holding and swirling her wand evenly. She seemed to be in her own world now, completely detached from the surroundings around her. Johanna failed to approach or even say a word to the witch as she realized how apprehensive she felt towards what was happening. When she thought she had enough to be confused about, she looked over her limbs to realize that a purple aura glowed around her body. Her feet began to rise up slightly from the ground and glanced ahead to see that Kaisa, despite maintaining the same posture, was also levitating; terror now overtook Johanna’s face.

Then, Kaisa stopped her wand from spinning, and her open hand stretched high into the sky. The two girls continued lifting up ever so slowly from the ground, their feet could reach the tip of their tent, and soon they were as high as the top of a tree. Johanna flailed her arms and legs sporadically when it seemed like they soared upward enough, still too afraid to ask Kaisa what was going on.

The witch opened one eye to see how far up she was, then the other to realize Johanna in front of her. Her pupils shrank in a state of fright and her jaw went slack. Out of all the mistakes she had expected to make, picking up Johanna with her own spell was the last yet most severe one she could ever think to fall through.

“Oh no, oh no no no no…!” Kaisa whimpered. “I…I did not mean to…!”

Johanna shushed and pointed downwards to their campsite. As Kaisa gawked down, her pulse stopped to the sight of a Troll peeking into their tent. It drew back to find out no one was inside, then turned to the fire and stared at it for a while. It finally took a seat, emitting a large thud on the ground like a single-second quake upon resting.

Kaisa looked back at her best friend in fear, letting her eyes ask what on earth they should do now. Johanna fathomed, nodding to reassure that they were probably safer up in the sky, and gestured both her hands lightly to signify holding them in place with whatever Kaisa was making them float with.

The witch fought to keep it together. Her breath was instable and the palm holding her wand began to sweat. If she could focus long enough and ward off the wish to descend back on the ground, all the while halting to recite her incantation which helped her concentrate, she could try having her and Johanna stay hovering in the air for as long as she wanted.

Kaisa’s expression hardened and pointed her wand towards Johanna. She swung her arm backwards in a single quick motion, causing Johanna to gasp as she floated over to the witch. Kaisa gave the brunette a tight embrace, one so warm and protective that it felt inescapable to be let go from.

“Please, don’t be mad.” Kaisa could only bring herself to plead. “I did not focus that well. I could have done even worse to us had I---”

The tension felt within Johanna was lost to Kaisa’s voice and embrace, and her eyes closed, hugging her best friend back. “It’s okay, Kaisa.” she interrupted. “Just that…this…is a lot to take in…” the conversations about witch familiars and training with privacy all made sense now.

“’I’m sorry…” Kaisa nestled her face onto Johanna’s shoulder. She looked back down at the campsite and saw the Troll keeping warm with their fire, motionless like the rock that it was. “We are going to be up here all night…”

Johanna let go from their embrace so she could face Kaisa, still holding onto her shoulders. “Do you think there is a way we could get the troll to move out?” she asked.

“I’m not sure if I am able to…” Kaisa admitted. “Not unless we let it know where we are.”

Johanna looked back down; the Troll did nothing, only seemingly entranced by the fire as it gazed on it. She thought about how she wanted to warm herself earlier, and her eyes dilated upon realizing what the Troll only seemed to want as well.

“If it’s not the troll we can do something about directly, we’re just going to have to take out the fire.” Johanna said.

Kaisa caught up with the plan. “I got it.” she nodded. “Leave it to me then.”

With her wand still at hand, she pointed the tip towards the campfire and concentrated on hitting anything but the Troll or their tent accidentally. The easiest thing she could bring herself to do with magic was release a streak of energy from her wand, and she hoped that blasting the campfire with her specific sort of ammunition could take out the fire and bid the Troll farewell.

Deep breath…Eyes locked…The light on the tip of Kaisa’s wand glowed purple once more until it grew as bright as a star, then it hurled down from the wand in high speed. Barely a second later, the energy from Kaisa’s magic crashed into the campfire, exploding into a gradient of purple, white and orange, and nothing but a gleaming mist blanketed a portion of the camp. The Troll got up in shock, fists tightly clenched and glaring in all directions to search for what threatened it; Johanna and Kaisa watched from above in hopes it would not look up.

When the mist quickly dispersed, the Troll looked down on the rubble of wood which used to be the campfire keeping it warm. It hummed a deep, disappointed tone, and stomped the ground so stridently that the two girls in the air could almost feel the tremor. No one appeared to be around it for miles, hence the Troll finally made its way back to the forestlands to search for another source of warmth in the wilderness.

“Yes, it worked…!” Johanna expressed.

The witch breathed a sigh of relief. “Do you think it will come back?” she asked.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t.” Johanna answered. “We’ll leave the campfire be, we still got the tent to keep us warm.”

With all the exhilaration fully coursing through Kaisa’s mind, the purple aura around her and Johanna faded away. They only had a second to see the spell had worn off before being weighed down by gravity, screaming and falling from the height of a two-story building before Kaisa raised her wand to reactivate the levitation spell. The two of them gnashed their teeth and their eyes shut tightly, just before peeking around to see they were hovering only an inch above the ground.

Kaisa allowed the spell to cast off, and the glow of her wand and from their physiques dissipated for the last time tonight. She and Johanna dipped onto the floor with their backs flatly lied down, groaning when they picked themselves back up.

Johanna felt unsure if anything she had just experienced after leaving her tent was even real. She stared at Kaisa hiding her wand away, then at all the leftover mist and sparkles on what used to be their campfire.

“Kaisa…this whole time…you were a…” Johanna’s eyes lit up.

Kaisa sighed. “Surprise.” she giggled tiredly. “I’m sorry I kept this secret from you, Johanna. I really could not say anything.”

Kaisa’s breathing was concise and hasty. All of a sudden, she collapsed on her knees and held the ground to keep her up. To Johanna’s shock, she hurried to carry her back up and wrap her hand over her shoulder. The energy used up to perform the levitation spell took a toll on the witch-in-training. It was unlike anything she had ever accomplished before.

As soon as they entered their tent, Johanna laid Kaisa down on her sleeping bag and pillow. The Sparrow Scout grabbed a canister of fresh water and filled the cap almost to the brim, bringing it over to the witch and allowed her to drink as much as she needed.

“Thank you.” Kaisa whispered, closing her eyes and lying back down.

Johanna kept staring upon Kaisa in a near unconscious state, hoping she could still listen to her before she inevitably fell asleep. “Look, Kaisa…” she spoke. “…I know your spell did not work the way you wanted when I showed up, but you did save us from the Troll in the end. I really should be thanking you…”

A corner of Kaisa’s mouth lifted. However, the soft grin on her face was short-lived, “But now I will never get the spell right on time…” she lamented, feeling the exhaustion overtaking her slowly.

Johanna had so many questions she was dying to have answered, if only she could ask them now. In any case, witch or no witch, Kaisa was still the same best friend Johanna had since forever, and while she knew she could never make her magic and identity known to others, she could not wait to be there for Kaisa the next time she trained to become a witch.

“We don’t have to leave after tomorrow,” Johanna said softly. “We can stay out here for as long as we need until you perfect your spell, and I won’t ever leave your side.”

#hilda the series #hilda netflix #sketchbook ship #fanfiction #my works #hilda librarian #johanna hilda #kaisa hilda #tildy hilda #kaisanna #spellbound au

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hutchhitched · 3 years

Text

Walk Back

Written by: @hutchhitched

Prompt 143: The girl of my dreams asked me if I needed a ride home from campus so I obviously let her drive me home then walked back to campus a couple of hours later to get my car. [submitted by anonymous]

Ratings/Warnings: G

A/N: I’m continuing to post the nine @everlarkficexchange prompts I took and then sat on throughout the early months of the pandemic. This is the sixth of the nine. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy. Huge thanks to @javistg for understanding the delays. Only three more to go!

Peeta Mellark knows he’s got it good compared to a lot of people. He really does, but that doesn’t stop him from wallowing in pity every once in a while. He’s in college, the first in his family, on a hefty scholarship; his grades are good; he has a lot of friends and a good work study job that actually does give him some time to study. Those are all good things. They really are, and he doesn’t dispute it, but…

He’s also had a rough home life with a mom who’s never satisfied with anything he does and a father who loves him but can’t stand up to his wife long enough to protect his three sons from her emotional abuse. He’s a first-generation college student who’s excelling in courses for his major but isn’t doing so great in all his other general education courses. He has to work a lot more than he should for someone with his course load. Worst of all, though, he’s madly in love with a woman who likely doesn’t know his name. Well, that’s probably not true, but still. She’s certainly not crazy about him the way he is mad for her.

There’s just no way Katniss Everdeen, fellow Panem University student and the smartest girl in his biology lab, would ever give him the time of day. Not when she already has a boyfriend, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Rugged, who’s about to graduate with a promising career. That’s unlike Peeta, an art major. He’ll never amount to anything, or so his mother likes to remind him every time he’s stupid enough to visit his family.

Besides, Katniss is beautiful and sassy and shy and so many other wonderful things. She has no idea the effect she has on him or any other male within a mile radius, including their biology professor who’s proclaimed her the most brilliant student he’s had in his twenty-two years of teaching. Peeta spends the better part of their class together watching her from across the room, which is probably why his lab partner hates him and his grade in that class absolutely sucks.

So, while Peeta knows he’s got some things going for him, it’s not surprising that he finds himself a little down in the dumps occasionally—especially on days when his crush shows up at his workplace. It’s even worse when his co-worker knows about his hopeless infatuation and has no shame. Johanna Mason may be his least favorite person on days like that. Today happens to be one of those days. He’s cursing his life when Jo comes up behind him and leans down to whisper in his ear.

“Oooooooooh ooooooh. Katniss is pretty, isn’t she? Look at her over there. So serious. What do you think she’s getting ready to check out, and is there any way to make it sexual when gets over here?”

“Shut up, Jo,” Peeta hisses as his cheeks flush, and he curls into himself, trying to hide behind the circulation desk so Katniss won’t see him.

The last thing he wants is for the girl he’s been crushing on for months to hear his co-worker tease him about his hopeless attraction. The problem is that he told Johanna in a fit of self-loathing, and she coached him through it, built him up so his ego was a little higher than the floor and prepared him some for what to say to a girl when he likes her. While it was very kind of Jo to offer, Peeta isn’t that hopeless. He’d had a number of girlfriends in high school, but none of them compare to Katniss Everdeen. She is a goddess.

“What time’s your shift done today, hot buns?”

“Don’t call me that! What is wrong with you?” he hisses. “Why are you so terrible?”

“Terrible? I’m trying to get you laid, buddy. It’s certainly never going to happen if I leave you to your own devices, although I’m sure you’re taking care of yourself plenty. You’re a guy, after all.”

Peeta’s face floods with heat, and he wants to slide onto the floor and hide behind the counter. She’s not wrong—he is a healthy, twenty-one-year-old man who hasn’t dated in a while—but Peeta doesn’t want his co-worker to know that. She’ll probably tell the whole world if he confirms what she suspects. Or say something to Katniss, which would be horrifying.

“Why do you want to know?” he asks, suspicious.

“Knowledge is power, my friend. Knowledge is power.”

Still not convinced, he welcomes a patron and scans the student ID he’s handed. “Exactly ten minutes,” he mutters as he types in the bar codes of the pile of library books in front of him before sliding them across the counter. It’s almost midterm, so everyone’s trying to finish projects and bibliographies for research papers before they leave for spring break. The library’s been slammed for days.

“She’s on her way over here,” Johanna nudges him.

He whips his head up, and his eyes widen as he realizes Jo’s right. Katniss pages through a book as she strides toward the circulation desk. Johanna turns to busy herself with a pile of returned books, and he squeezes his legs together under the desk. If he can just stop his hands from shaking, things will be great.

“Hi, Peeta,” she says with a guarded smile as she hands him her student ID. “How’s it going?”

“K-katniss! Hi!” His voice squeaks, and he cringes internally. He sounds like an idiot. “It’s good. I’m good. How are you?”

“Fine. I’m fine.” She hands him her student ID, and he glances down at the book she set on the counter.

“History of Sculpture? That’s…”

She laughs wryly and nods. “Yeah, I know. I’m not sure how I managed to get myself into it, but I signed up for an art appreciation class. I have zero artistic ability, so it’s painful.”

“Oh,” he says. “That’s…yeah.”

Johanna snorts behind him, and he tosses her a warning look. He should have known better. The woman doesn’t have a tactful bone in her body. Instead, she comes to stand behind Peeta and surveys Katniss.

“You know, Peeta here is an art major,” Jo announces with her hand on his shoulder. “I bet he could help you with your art appreciation class. He’s great at that kind of stuff.”

“Are you really?” Katniss asks, her eyes widening in pleased surprise. “I didn’t know that.”

“I am,” he confirms. “I’m more of a painter than anything else, but I know quite a bit about all the different media. It’s kind of in the curriculum for my major.”

She looks impressed, but she shakes her head as she picks up her book and tucks her ID into her pocket. “I couldn’t ask you to help, but that’s cool. I thought you were a biology major like me.”

Johanna smacks him on the back, and he glares at her before wiping his expression clean and flashing a closed mouth grin at Katniss. When nobody says anything, Katniss turns to go.

“Nonsense!” Jo cries. “Peeta’d be happy to help. I’m sure there’s something you could do for him to repay his generosity.”

He swears under his breath and elbows Jo in the gut.

“Oh, I don’t think there’s anything I have that Peeta wants—”

“A ride home?” Jo interrupts. “Peeta’s car’s in the shop. He asked me for a ride, but his shift is over now, and I’ve got another two hours before I can leave. Poor guy. He’d really appreciate the lift.”

Relief colors her face, and she nods. “I’d be happy to do that. My car’s on the street. I snagged one of those metered ones that are always full. Must be my lucky day.”

“Oh, I’d say it certainly is,” Jo says, a wide self-satisfied smile plastered on her face. She practically shoves him out of his chair and adds, “Peeta, why don’t you go clock out. I’ll finish this up for you.”

“I can—”

“No, you can’t. You’re too close to hours. Besides, you wouldn’t want to keep Katniss waiting, now would you?”

“You really are the devil, aren’t you?” he hisses as he grabs his stuff. “My car’s in the parking garage, not the shop. What the hell are you doing?”

“Getting you some time alone with the girl of your dreams,” she explains with a withering look. “Now, let her give you a ride home so you can schmooze her.”

Still disgruntled, he shuffles to the door and meets Katniss on the steps. She shifts uncomfortably, tugging on her braid and hunching her shoulders. He wonders if she’s trying to hide or if she’s cold in the chill of the early spring day.

“I really appreciate this,” he says.

She nods and leads him to her car. “No problem. It’s the least I can do.”

“You don’t have to do anything at all.”

She’s silent as she starts her car. Hesitating, she glances over at him and asks, “Does that mean you don’t want to tutor me? I understand if you don’t. It’s asking a lot for someone you barely know, especially since I can’t really afford to pay you.”

“Except in rides.”

“Well, yeah. I can do that.” She smiles at him tremulously and shifts the car into gear. Glancing over her shoulder, she signals and pulls out of the parking spot and onto the street.

“You could help me in bio,” he blurts and his cheeks heat.

“Really?”

He cringes and shrugs. “Yeah. I can’t seem to get the hang of it. I think I’m one of those people that understands it in theory but not in practicality. I’m doing fine in the lecture, but lab is really confusing.” He doesn’t add that most of that is her fault, but not really, because he can’t stop mooning over her.

“I can do that.”

He glances at the pleased curve of her lips and wonders how he can make it happen again. The joy of seeing her happy sinks into his bones and gives him life. It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. He has no reason to think he should except common human decency matched with his overwhelming crush. He feels like a middle school boy who’s just figured out that girls and boys have different parts.

Katniss stops at the intersection and glances over at him. Bashful, she admits, “I don’t know where I’m going.”

Peeta’s eyebrows furrow and he motions out the windshield. “South?”

“No,” she answers with a nervous laugh. “I mean, I don’t know where you live.”

He’s an idiot. Of course she doesn’t know where he lives. “Sorry! Sorry. Turn left here. I wasn’t thinking.”

“If you want…”

“If I want?” he prods.

“Well, maybe, if you don’t mind, that is.” She clears her throat and then words burst from her in a torrent. “I know a coffee shop that no one else really goes to. It’s quiet and the coffee’s good. They know me there, and I have a table they kind of save just for me. If you wanted to go over some of this sculpture stuff today, that’d be a good place.”

“Oh. Okay,” he answers, fighting to keep his face clear of the glee he feels. Katniss Everdeen just asked him to go out with her. Well, she asked him to go somewhere with her, but that was more than he’d dreamed would happen any time he imagined actually speaking to her. Not only is he going to sit at the same table with her in a public place, but he’s at her mercy with transportation. She’s got him captive, and he approves.

“Maybe I can take a look over your lab notes with you, too. You know, if you want.”

Oh, he wants. That’s never been in question. He absolutely wants when it comes to Katniss Everdeen.

“That’d be great. Really great.”

The place itself is an independent coffee shop in an older area of town called The Seam. The properties tend to be more run-down than those closer to campus, but the café is cozy and humble and has great choices in both coffee and tea. He chooses a black peppermint he’s loved since his father made it for him when he was sick. His father had also snuck cookies to Peeta despite the disapproval of his mom. He adds sugar before taking a sip that transports him back to childhood. He breathes in as he swallows and blows out a heavy sigh.

Amused, Katniss asks, “That good?”

Nodding, he inhales the aroma and smiles softly. “Yeah. It’s that good. Thanks for bringing me here.”

Pleased, Katniss drops her head and shuffles in her bag for the book on sculpture and her class notes. They work together for over an hour before reviewing information from their biology lab. He finds she’s a good tutor, knowledgeable and skilled at breaking down the concepts into sizable chunks that seemed overwhelming previously. When he compliments her on it, she waves him off but returns the sentiment.

“I already feel like I appreciate art more.”

“Glad I could help.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook, though,” she teases. “I’ll still need you after break’s over, but I think I can pass the final now, anyway.”

He shivers at her claiming she’ll need him. It’s closer to genuine interest than anything he’s ever gotten from her, and it gives him a small thrill of hope.

Reluctantly, she packs up her bag and sighs. “I really need to get home, but this was fun.”

“Yeah, I should be getting back, too. Got a lot to do before bed.”

They’re quiet as they slide into the car. Contemplative, Peeta almost forgets to provide instructions so Katniss knows where to take him. As he guides her through unfamiliar streets that turn into those he sees every day, he sends silent thanks to Johanna for her brashness and refusal to let things go. He only hopes he doesn’t have a ticket on his car when he retrieves it—hopefully before it’s towed.

“This is it,” he says with a wave at his front door. None of his roommates are home, which means he’s stuck until they return. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, but she’s antsy, unsure what to do with her hands or where to look. “Thanks again for the ride. Come find me at the library after break, and we’ll do a repeat of tonight.”

“Sounds great,” she says warmly. “Hope you get your car back soon.”

“Yeah, me too,” he grumbles.

He watches her leave, lifting his hand in farewell until her car turns the corner and heads back the way she came. Fishing his cell out of his pocket, he sends his roommates a group text asking when they’ll be home and if one of them can give him a ride back to campus. As each of them gives a reason for their absence, he realizes he’s on his own. He does stow his bag inside and grab a drink before heading back outside. Squaring his shoulders, he shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and begins the walk back.

It takes an hour, and he does have a parking ticket. Still, Peeta has no regrets. The afternoon with Katniss was the best of the year with the promise of more to come. She’s worth the inconvenience.

#everlarkficexchange #springtime edition 2020 #prompt 143 #everlark #everlark fanfiction #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #walk back

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years

Text

Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅

#thgagain #not even gonna reread this so it’s for sure littered with typos 🥳🥰😅🤭😬🙃😭🤗😏😶

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jaehyunspeachparty · 3 years

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daddy jaehyun

iv.xlvii. (a)

Jaehyun's filming has already started and it made your stomach turn at the thought. You knew that he was only making money and that he wanted to give you and the children a good life. But the thought of him filming one love scene, if not more, with a gorgeous actress makes you seriously jealous. How long have you been like this? You would never have counted yourself as one of those jealous people, but here you were about to go crazy. You wanted to distract yourself and not sit at home wondering what Jaehyun was doing on set. But you got the call in the morning when Johanna asked you to come over to pack things for the children. Johnny had already bought the house and since they'll share custody, he needs enough clothes for the kids there. You would then take the things to Johnny's house afterwards because Johanna didn't want to see him.

When you got into Johanna’s apartment, it looked pretty messed up. There are many boxes in the room that were labeled. You park the stroller in front of the door and pick up the twins while Sunoh ran into the apartment. "I'm sorry, I know it's a mess." Johanna looked tired, apparently she haven’t slept much. But you knew that the breakup with Johnny made a lot for her too. "No problem. But you already know my car isn't big enough." You didn't know how to wrap it all up. Your car was big because you had to transport all the children in it, but you didn't have a truck. "No no, these are my things." Johanna shook her head and pushed a few boxes aside. "Your things?" You look at her in surprise as you follow her. "Yes, I can't afford the apartment alone." Johanna said it clear and coldly. As if there was no longer any emotion in it. "Doesn't Johnny pay any alimony?" You ask carefully and when you are in the bedroom you put the twins on the bed. "He would. But I don't want that. My parents also got divorced when I was a kid. In the beginning, my father paid alimony, but then Mum had a new boyfriend and it became a perennial issue. I want to stay independent." Johanna looked at you resolutely. She had thought it over very carefully and she was serious. "That sounds very good, but can you do it?" You worry about her, you didn't want her to overwork. "I found a job. I was a dental assistant in Chicago. I also found a job here that is really well paid. They also need me here as a translator, since the clinic is in Itaweon and tourists often come by when there's an emergency. That's why it's better paid." Johanna smiled and she seems really excited about her new job. Being at home and being a mother was something that didn't give her that much fulfillment and got bored after a while. "That sounds really great. Congratulations!" You smile and stroke your babies' bellies as they have had a lot of stomach ache lately. "Thank you. I also found a place in kindergarten for Jaina and Jasper there too. So I can pick them up right after work." "Wow, it really all fits together." You were really impressed with Johanna. She was so strong and structured. You don't know if you could react so clearly. "Yeah right? My first thought was that I was going back to Chicago. But Johnny has his life here and I can't do that to the kids. I don't want to be the person who takes their father away from them. I thought at first it would be easy in America. But then I read the job advertisement and applied spontaneously. The dentist was immediately enthusiastic about me and I'll start next week. That's why I want to do all of this now." "Wow and you have a new apartment too?" You ask. "Yeah, it's a lot smaller and Jaina and Jasper have to share a room, but it's totally okay for now." Johanna smiled and folded up the children's clothes. "Wow you are really strong," you say to her full of amazement. "Do I have another choice?" Johanna shrugged her shoulders. Many accused her of being a bad mother, but at this moment it shows what a great mother she is. She would do anything for Jaina and Jasper. She even stays in Korea because of them. "You're right. But I don't know if I could stay so stubborn in your place." You look at your babies who were still quite restless. Their bellies made noises and they grimaced a little bit in pain. You try to massage them a little to make it better. "It's different with you and Jaehyun. You are the couple that were made for each other, that had to fight a lot and now you finally have your great love. But Johnny and I ... we ... he was my high school sweetheart and he should have stayed that way. We thought it would feel like it did back then, but that never happened." Johanna put the things in the box and sighed. You didn't know what to say. It was all so bad anyway. "But Johnny really did something that ..." you had no words for it. "But he has the child now. I have to accept that," she said and she was somehow right. "Besides, this kid has the least credit for who his parents are. Johnny wanted more children anyway. I didn't. It might be better that way." You nod and don't even know what to say. Johanna was so composed, so clear. But somehow you had the feeling that there was something else. Did she still love Johnny? Why was she so peaceful with him? She should rant and scream. Somehow that didn't seem right to you. "Johanna?" You ask and decide to speak to her. "Hmm?" She didn't look at you at all, just kept cleaning up. "Is there anything else?" You ask her carefully. "What should be?" Her voice rose and she laughed almost hysterically. That makes you go into your guesswork even more. "Something isn’t right. Johanna, what is still going on?" You have known her long enough and by now you had developed a very close friendship. So you already knew when something was wrong. "I slept with Johnny," she said suddenly and quickly and you hadn't expected the information. "What? When?" You couldn't remember the last time Johnny was gone for so long. "Three weeks ago. It's been a while," she says, closing the box. "Ok ... wow. And do you want him back?" You ask immediately, but Johanna immediately shook her head. "No, definitely not. But ..." Johanna swallowed and looked at you. "I didn't mean to tell you at first, but I think if I should do...it's good if someone knows I'm there." "Johanna? What are you talking about?" Now you can no longer follow her. "I'm pregnant," she said quickly, and took a deep breath. You freeze and don't want to believe it at first. "What's up with Johnny that he seems to be making everyone around him pregnant?" Apparently, Johnny always had sex with women when they were ovulating. "Wait ...", suddenly you remember what Johanna said before. "What do you mean with ‘it's good if someone knows I'm there‘?" You ask her then. Johanna sighed and sat down across from you. She looked at the babies who were slowly closing their eyes. "I have an appointment for an abortion next week," she said. "And what does Johnny say about that?" You couldn't imagine that he would like that, after all, he loved children. "He doesn't know and he won't find out either." Johanna looked at you admonishingly and you can't believe that she is trusting you with such a difficult secret again. "You have to tell him!" "Why? It only causes him suffering and pain." Johanna didn't see the point. "But it is also his child." "Y/N, I really don't want another child. I've done so bad in my past pregnancies. I barely got out of a depression, I had a lot of pain and my body is destroyed. I love Jasper and Jaina more than anything and I'm glad they exist, but I can't be there for more. I have a job now and I have to try to get a grip on my life. I don't need a man to talk me out of my decision. An abortion like this is hard enough in itself! " Johanna was aware that Johnny would do anything to keep the child. She understood Johanna on that point, but you also think that Johnny should know. It was a complicated situation.

After you finished and all the boxes were in the trunk, it was time to drive. The children were already sitting in the car and Johanna, Jaina and Jasper were still downstairs to wave to you for goodbye. But Johanna's words about abortion were still in your head. "Johanna?" You're already sitting in the car and can still see her. "Yes?" She asked and her eyes were suddenly so soft. "You don't have to do this alone ... I mean the abortion. Should I come with you?" You ask her and you really didn't want her to do something so difficult on her own. "That would be really great," she says, and she smiled. "Okay, then write me the date." "Thanks Y/N, I know it's not easy for you. But you are like family here to me." She suddenly took your hand and you were touched by her answer. "I feel the same way," you say with a smile and from that moment your friendship was closer than ever.

Jaehyun came home later that evening. You were glad that he was back and you hug him right away. "Are you okay?" Jaehyun then asked and smiled. "Yes, I'm just happy that you are here," you say and continue to hang tightly over his shoulders. "So much?" Jaehyun asked again and kissed your hair. You are always happy when he comes home, but that was an exaggeration even for him. "Yes." You kiss him and see how suddenly the children came. They often mimicked you, and that's why they fell in their father's arms as well. Cujo joined in and whined in front of Jaehyun. "Why did I deserve so much love today?" Jaehyun kissed his two children and then got up. "Daddy you have to kiss the twins too," Miga said and admonished her father. "Yes, I have to go into the house first. I didn't even have time to take off my shoes." Jaehyun laughed and stroked Cujo, because he also longed for love. Then he took off his shoes and jacket and went into the house. "How was it with Johanna? How is she?", Jaehyun asked and now welcomed Kiwoo and Geon. "Very well. She's moving in a new apartment, and she has a new job." You smile and Jaehyun nodded. "I am glad to hear that." He picked up Kiwoo and began rocking him. "Aboaton ...", Sunoh said suddenly and looked at his father with his same eyes "Aboaton? What do you mean Sunoh?" Jaehyun looked down at his son, confused and you already knew what he meant. He must have picked up the word for abortion, but he didn't quite remember it. Thank God. "I think he means" about "", you laugh uncertainly and quickly stuff a biscuit into Sunoh's mouth. "HEY! I want too!" Miga angrily put her hands on her hips and looked at you seriously. "Okay okay." You give her another quick cookie before there was a drama. Jaehyun looked at you in surprise but then shrugged. You were glad he didn't ask any more, because you didn't know when or if to tell him ...

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#daddy jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun #jaehyun jung #jaehyun imagines #johnny imagines #daddy johnny #johnny suh #johnny seo #johnny nct #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #nct angst #jaehyun angst #johnny angst #nct 127 angst

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sapphicbookclub · 3 years

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Author Spotlight: Jen Michalski

Today I’m happy to spotlight another author participating in our Sapphic Book Club, Jen Michalski, with her book You'll Be Fine. Read on to find out some more about the inspiration behind it and the writing process.

You'll Be Fine

Ideas for novels come to me from dreams so often I’ve accepted that my real life is pretty boring. That changed with my latest novel, You’ll be Fine. I like to describe it as a romantic (F/F) family comedy. In fact, it’s the funniest novel I think I’ve written, and even stranger that it was inspired by the real death of my mom.

Several years ago, after she’d passed, I was spending a lot of time at my mom’s house on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. My twin brother and I were going through her things, and our tempers were flaring a bit over dumb stuff. I remember thinking about how, no matter how much you mature and grow as an adult, whenever you’re with family, you always seem to revert (at least I do!) to the person you were during your formative years. I remember being perpetually pissed when I was a teenager, at being closeted, at being an outcast, and my brother, unfortunately, bared the brunt of it. Although my anger this time around was at different things, it still felt very much like I was taking it out on my brother, and I wondered how I could write my life out of this negative feedback loop.

Anyway, the first few drafts of the novel were called Siblings, with Alexandra (Alex) and Owen as the siblings dealing with the death of their mother, and it wasn’t until later that I developed the main secondary conflict that became the crux of the novel (a family secret involving Alex and Owen’s Aunt Johanna, who transitioned to a woman when they were teenagers). Of course, there’s a tricky love triangle sprinkled in there, too, for good measure.

I think there’s a general belief by readers that you write from your own experience, but Alex and I aren’t really very alike. We both have a brother, and also a mother who passed away, but I feel much luckier than Alex in that I didn’t have any unresolved conflicts with my mom when she died. In fact, our relationship was in a really good place! I didn’t identify with Alex while writing the novel, either. It’s complicated—I write to find out more about myself, but I don’t write specifically about myself. Rather, I like to place my characters into impossible situations and find out how they react, which helps me understand other people and their multitude of idiosyncrasies. Alex is blunt and impulsive, whereas I am much more subtle, quieter, more deliberative. So it was kind of fun to write someone who falls headfirst into everything and try to have her backpedal out of it (since I probably never would’ve let myself fall even feet first into the same situations).

Like any novel, however, there’s some truth alongside the fiction. Like Alex and Owen, my brother and I did find a mysterious envelope of pictures onto which my mother had written, IN THE EVENT OF MY DEATH, DESTROY! Unlike Alex and Owen, my brother and I didn’t dare open it, passing it along instead to my mother’s sister (you know, there are just some things you can’t unsee after you’ve seen them). Like Alex, sometimes I do fancy myself the underdog who prevails despite the odds stacked against her.

And, like Alex, there’s a lot I still need to learn. Even about writing: One thing I learned while working on You’ll Be Fine is that, even though there’s some heavy stuff in it (a death, sexual abuse, some homophobia), it’s okay to be funny. After all, it’s how I survived my mother’s death¾the laughs my brother and I had over, say, my mom’s vast collection of McDonald’s happy meal toys and also her obsession with fleece bathrobes, were pretty epic. In fact, a good

novel should probably be as much as real life as possible: a little funny, a little sad, and at the end of the day, always stranger than fiction.

#sapphic books #lgbt books #diverse books #author spotlight #guest post

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queerprayers · 3 years

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I have kind of an odd question - do you believe that we're fully pardoned of our sins through faith alone? I've struggled w that a lot - in the church I grew up in, we were taught that. But a respected member of my church committed a really horrific crime when I was quite young, and he died immediately after. It's really shaken my faith ever since - I don't really believe in Hell, but how could someone who has done that go to heaven through faith alone? Thank you and sorry this is so dark lol

This isn’t an odd question at all, and I’m sure other people have similar questions! Sorry for taking a few days to get to this ask. (Also, sorry if there are any typos or weird organization in this post; I'm having trouble today with health issues.)

I genuinely believe that we are all saved. I talked about this a little more in this post:

“I don’t think anyone’s going to hell. I think we’ll all be saved. This is crazy to a lot of people! That’s ok! But I thought I might as well mention this because it’s important to me:

We are saved by grace. Not by what we do or how we love or how good of a Christian we might be. We’re saved because God loves us. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do good things and love others and strive to be good Christians. But it means that even if we fail at these things, we are welcomed into God’s eternal love.

I believe hell is the state of being in God’s eternal love but not being able to accept it. . . . We’re all welcomed, it’s just whether we choose to be welcomed. Being loved by God but not wanting to be probably feels like fire, probably feels like burning and abandonment.

We just need to learn to let God in, and we will be saved. On earth and in heaven. Amen.”

(For context, that was to someone worrying about whether their Muslim friend was going to heaven. But you aren’t asking for that comfort. And I totally get that!)

It looks like you have two separate questions: Are we pardoned of our sins through faith alone? and Can someone get to heaven through faith alone?

I’ve definitely struggled with this. How can we denounce evil people, but believe they’re going to heaven? Why would we want to be in a heaven with evil people? What’s the point of being a good person if we all end up with God anyway?

I won’t pretend to have an easy (or even a complete) answer to this. But here’s some haphazard thoughts:

It's easy to tell ourselves, "Oh, it's okay if someone makes a mistake or does something wrong. God will forgive us!" But when we think about what that means? The scope of sin? It becomes a lot harder to say that. Getting our head around the fact that Jesus died for every single one of us and that we're supposed to love our enemies is very intense.

I think the difference between atoning for our sins on earth and being welcomed in heaven are separate issues!

There are evil people, people that we could never feel safe around, people that have never once felt sorry for their actions. I do believe Jesus has called us to care for them and love them (not in a personal relationship way, but in a valuing their humanity way) and that's so effing hard. That hurts. That feels like a betrayal of our moral standards.

Prison abolitionists and other people working for transformative justice talk about this concept: caring for people and giving people resources decreases crime. I think in the same way we can say that loving people helps them sin less. Loving sinners will help their futures.

But what about your situation? This person is dead. They don't have a chance to change their behavior or atone for their faults. The easy answer is that now it's only up to God. We can't do anything for or about this person.

But that's not enough, is it? We want to know. We don't want God to work in mysterious ways. And sometimes, in parts of ourselves we might not want to admit, we want revenge. We want to see the people we've hurt punished. The author of Psalm 91 asks God to "repay to the proud what the deserve!"

Okay, so how can we denounce evil people, but think they're going to heaven? I mean, I do both every day-- I definitely look to the Bible and see how evil leaders are constantly being torn down and denounced and even killed, and also how all God's children are loved. That tension is crazy! It's been very healing to me, though, especially when people I love make mistakes or when I used to think that, because I was queer, I was irredeemably evil. But we can't have that comfort without also having the hurt that comes with realizing this applies to others too.

Why would we want to be in a heaven with evil people? Well, God's love will transform us. There we will be justice and atonement and radical change in heaven. There will be peace, I promise. We want to be in a heaven with people who were evil on earth because otherwise, what would be the point of preaching radical forgiveness and love? What would be the point of believing in an all-powerful God if they couldn't transform evil into good?

What's the point of being a good person if we all end up with God anyway? My old pastor had a really interesting metaphor: Imagine that your spouse loved unconditionally, for real. And they said, I don't care how many people you cheat on me with, I just want you to come at the end of the night. So you could do whatever you wanted in that relationship. You could sleep with a million people. But why would you want to? If you knew your spouse loved you that much, why would you ever betray that? Besides the fact that this obviously isn't an example of a healthy human relationship, this really showed me what sin is. We can do whatever evil we want, and faith will save us. But why would we want to? We don't have to be a good person, but I would rather be with God on earth and in heaven, instead of just in heaven. The person you're talking about didn't fully experience God's love on earth, and betrayed God's love, but he's with God's love now at the end of the night. But we can do better. We can be with God in the here and now. We're lucky to have more chances.

Okay, conclusion: It would be easy for me to say that you should forgive them and move on. But that's not how this works. My advice: let yourself feel those emotions, no matter how ugly. Remember that there is a holy tension between God's anger and justice and God's love. Give yourself time. Give love to people in your community so that perhaps they won't turn to the same evil that you saw in that person.

Here's a video from The Bible Project about Justice that's really helped me.

I don't really know if I've given you any answers, but I hope at least you know that you're not alone in struggling with this. <3

- Johanna

#asks #my posts #Anonymous

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 3 years

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Theorizing about Frida’s character arc in season 2

Okay, the making of this post was triggered by me overthinking that promo picture. My mind had a lot of Thoughts and I figured I might share some of them with you. Let’s go in stages

1- The Marra, magic, and incomplete character arc

In the first season, we see Frida’s development, the one she was due to since her introduction (and I say this as a fan of her character, not a hater) centered around her joining and being used by the Marra, followed by the realization that she’d screwed up. However, it’s very common for us fans to think that her redemption was done in a rushed way, something which I actually talk more about here. That being said, the writing in Hilda is something I appreciate a lot, and I find it hard to believe that the subject of Frida’s redemption, especially after she went through such a rocky road to get it, will be dropped in season two.

Now, we know very little about the Marra, but judging by what we do know, I’m willing to bet there’s a lot of magic involved in the whole nightmare spirit thing. Add that to the traumatizing business that fighting a ghost was, I don’t think Frida is very fond of magic, at this point. In fact, I think she’ll do her best to stay away from it, but not because (or at least not only because) she is scared, but because she feels like she needs to prove a point. She needs to prove it to herself, and most importantly, to her friends, that she is no longer the person who would go every length to be in control, and letting go of magic, a powerful tool in controlling the world around you, is a powerful symbol of her dedication to that. I do think she had some interest in magic even before the Marra situation (mostly because of the crystal ball in her room), but even if she didn’t, this still sort of makes sense in my head.

So, according to this theory of mine, her not using magic in a time of need would be a part of her grownth, right? If that was the case, seeing her resist the Marra again would be a good way to show how she’s changed. However, we have no signs that the Marra will even be there in season two, which kind of leaves me thinking... what if her grownth will be shown by her *using* magic? If she didn’t want to, either because she is scared or because of her trying to let go of this need to be in control, using magic to save her friends would count as development and allow for a pretty emotional episode, wouldn’t it? Well, aside from Frida’s redemption arc, there was another arc that did not get completed in season 1...

2- The Tide Mice and the promo picture

After the events of The Tide Mice, we see the mice at least twice more (that I noticed, in Hilda’s room and in the cemetery), so it’s clear to me that this case hasn’t been closed. With all the magic theme that seems to wait for us on season 2, it sounds very logical that some focus will be given to the tide mice. What does that have to do with Frida? I may be imagining things, but come with me still

Take a look at this cut from the promo picture. I already talked a little about this, but at first the object that Frida is holding looked like a wand to me, but the more I tried to figure out what it was, the more it seemed to be, in fact, a flute.

Aannnd here is the part in which I begin speaking about 100% theories, no canon backing me up whatsoever. So, we know that the Tide Mice problem has to be dealt with, and we have Frida holding a flute here. This combination reminded me of one specific thing: the Pied Piper tale.

For people who are unfamiliar with it, there’s this guy with a magical flute who uses it to rid a town of its rat infestation by “hypnotizing” them with his music and making them all drown. The tale takes a much darker turn after this, but that’s the part that matters for this theory.

(Also, I want you to remember that Luke Pearson said it himself that he takes a lot of inspiration from legends and folk tales. Granted, the Pied Piper is a German tale and not a Scandinavic one, but eh who knows)

Let’s imagine that, somehow and somewhy, the mice become a problem again. Maybe they’re back with Johanna and David, or maybe they found objects belonging to someone else and morphed into lucky charms for those people. The Hilda trio finds out and does the reasonable thing, which is going to the sketchy, mysterious library lady for help. Now, I don’t know if she’d simply give it to them, if she’d help them find it, or if she’d want them to stay out of this particular mess only for them to get it themselves, but eventually they’d come across the information on this magical flute that *gasps* controls the mice! (Maybe it’s in the footnote of the asterisk of the footnote of the asterisk idk that book is confusing)

Speaking of the book in which the enchantment was, look at this little screenshot which I shamelessly stole from the wiki, and most importantly, at the picture in the bottom right corner. We can see a lute player and a few more people in Middle Ages European garnments (date I stretch it and say they look a lot like German Middle Ages clothes...?). Because of the little shadow of a tide mouse in his lute, the most logical conclusion is that he’s using a mouse to become better/luckier at his job. However, this image is right in the part that talks about how to break the enchantment. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it is telling us the way to defeat the tide mice once and for all is through an instrument, but I do think it could be a clue.

So a series of events happen and they get the flute. Cool! Now they can get rid of the mice once and for all! Considering that the tide mice came from, you guessed it, a tide pool, this would tie in really nicely with the detail that the pied piper made the rats drown. Maybe the mice would come back to their pool and stay there because of the music.

But then why would Frida be the one holding the flute in the promo? If that’s anything like what will happen, wouldn’t it make more sense for Hilda to want to help? Welp let’s go to another round of purely theory nonsense

3- Final theory and conclusion

Considering that we don’t know what the mice will be acting like, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen when they become a problem again. But since it fits in this theory and in canon both, I’ll be considering that Hilda is, once more, suffering the effects of the powerful magic she cast. Not only that, but also David and Johanna would be facing similar issues, and there’s only one more human in her close circle.

You already understood where I’m going at this point, BUT we’re also going to imagine another path to get to the same place. Something I really want more of in season 2 because we barely had it before is more information on how magic works in the Hilda verse. Alas, since we don’t, I’m going be using my instinct here: doesn’t it make sense that a person that has at some point been affected by a spell would not be able to break it? Like, if this sort of magic has touched you, it is immune to you? Likewise, if a witch has tried at some point to break a spell and not managed, wouldn’t it be reasonable to think that this spell would have grown a resistance to their magic? I like this theory because it allows my conclusion to make sense even if Johanna and David aren’t the ones being affected by the tide mice this time, and it still has Frida being the one to save the day because she’s the only one in Hilda’s close circle that hasn’t been touched in any way by the tide mice’s magic.

I’ve probably already talked for too long, but here’s what I’m trying to say: an arc in which Frida sacrifices something to save her friends from the Tide Mice would tie in the two lose strings season 1 has left us. And if it was established that she was refraining from getting involved in magic for her friends, and the sacrificed this resolution by using magic to help them, that would deepen her characterization and satisfyingly redempt her.

That’s what I had for today, hope you enjoyed it!

#watch me get every single aspect of this wrong fjnfjfjfj #this is such a dumpster fire of a theory but it was so fun #i just love brainstorming ok?#this has a lot more pictures than necessary but it makes the post more ~dynamic~ and I didnt want you to get bored fjfjnfjf #hilda the series #frida hilda #hilda season 2 #hilda theory

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posthungergamessyndrome · 3 years

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so here’s my long overdue review of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes that no one asked for. I finally read the book, well listened to the audiobook, coz i dunno how to read a book anymore.

This book was everything I expected it to be and also not. Definitely the first two parts was easily predictable, we all kinda assumed that was the general arc that story would take. So while I found the first two parts enjoyable, learning more about the history of the games and learn more of Capitol, i wasn’t really hooked until the third part.

But let me say this first tho, Ms. Suzanne Collins, you never disappoint. Also I have questions and I hate that she wasn’t able to go on a book tour (I haven’t read her Q&A tho).

I still have the same qualms as i did about the prequel as i did before I read it. While I get the early records of the games were shoddy, and the 10th Hunger Games was erased but for one copy hidden in some vault, that doesn’t matter, what matter is Snow knows.

So If Snow had that relationship with the Games and Lucy, the first victor of d12, a lot of the decisions he made in the trilogy made no sense.

I get it, he wanted to forget, it’s decades until Katniss came along. While there might be parallels, Lucy and Katniss are very different characters. But all I can think off is the reason he didn’t kill Katniss sooner, was it really because she would end up a martyr or rallying cry for the district, which happened anyways, or he was practically disassociating the moment Katniss was reaped?

Were Katniss and Peeta unintentionally triggers to so many of his hidden traumas that’s why he made so many misteps? Katniss singing the meadow song to Rue, triggered. Peeta mentioning the Valley song, triggered. Mockingjay, triggered. The Hanging Tree, triggered.

Was he so busy crying in the shower that he wasn’t able to stop Seneca Crane from making bad calls during the 74th Games? Two winners from the same district, would Snow really okay’d that himself?

And also, I’ve always thought that anything he did towards Peeta was coz he wanted to hurt Katniss. But no, he wanted to hurt that boy. Peeta reminds him of his young self, at least the young person everyone saw him as, charming, smart, and loyal. And in a way, had Peeta been born in the Capitol and was among Snow’s contemporaries, Snow would have seen him as his ultimate rival.

Coz Snow was smart and knows how to manipulate people, but Peeta does it a lot better and a lot more successfully. With Snow, it’s right in front of his face and he still misses it. Often he is so close to getting it. How could he not have thought of the star-crossed lovers angle? How?? When one Peeta Mellark thought of it?

Which idk if there’s fanfics of that yet, but I need to read them asap, Katniss and Peeta and teen Snow, make it happen.

(But I was looking at my notes and I wrote probably the reason Snow didn’t think of the star crossed lovers angle because it was about his survival not about Lucy’s. Lucy was at best, seen as his possession. Even at the moments he was honestly in love with her, he still saw her as someone belonging to him only. )

Snow had two relationships going on: with Sejanus and with Lucy. I did find his relationship with Sejanus more interesting, because I think it’s that relationship that shaped him more that his relationship with Lucy.

I did like and even at some points enjoyed their Slytherin-Hufflepuff BFFship going on, coz despite how Snow let us know what he really thinks versus what he actually says, he was drawn to protect Sejanus, even though he’s reluctant about it or insist that he was made to do it or it’s also to benefit himself.

And I’m not saying there’s queerbaiting in this book, but certain pairings in this book makes more sense to ship than Johanna and Katniss.

With Lucy, i know many were wary or didn’t want Snow to have a relationship with her. For me i was open to it, at least intrigued to see where it will go or how will it be handled.

Honestly while it is still better written than most YA romances, I found it very insta-love. Again, my sense of timeline in this novel might be different coz I was listening to the audiobook instead of reading it, but they fell in love pretty quick.

While listening to the audiobook, i thought, if their relationship is at this point it must have been weeks since the reaping and the games haven’t started yet, and then Snow says it’s just been five days. They were making out I think by day 3 or something.

Maybe because I knew they relationship was doomed from the start and we know how Snow ends up, I was amused by certain moments in their relationship, coz all I can think about it is, oh honey no.

but also, I am mad that Ms. Collins is capable of writing amazing fluff moments in the midst of a dystopian world, and she wastes them on Snow and Lucy? Where was all that for Katniss and Peeta? i was given crumbs in the trilogy, Snow and Lucy made out so many times, at one point I even thought they were going to sleep together, like how dare you Ms. Collins.

For the many years we debated the meaning behind The Hanging Tree, Ms Collins, said no hun, this is what the songs means, let me tell you it’s origin story. And omg Suzanne, that was fucked up. Thanks.

One of the things I was worried about for this prequel is that while it is set in the future, the messages in it will seem outdated because a lot has changed since the trilogy came out.

But she wrote this book well before it was announced in 2019, before it was released in 2020, but she still made it very relevant for today and I think the messaging of this prequel would be more resonant in the future, like the trilogy is.

She touched upon how we really value children, and that immediately reminded me of school mass shootings and how we haven’t done anything about it. She lives in Sandy Hook when the shooting happened so this makes sense she makes a statement about it. And now we are sending kids to school in a middle of a pandemic for political reasons not because we are concerned about their education.

And there’s also mentions of a pandemic in a middle of a war, let’s say it was a whole mental experience alternating between listening to the audiobook and watching the news on January 6.

I also loved the lines: “why do people think the only thing they need for a revolution is anger?” and “we pour money into industries not people.”

While it’s almost unbelievable that the modern hunger games was merely a student group project by a bunch of privileged rich kids and one person who thinks slavery is okay ended up writing the whole thing anyways, that’s basically how this country and our system of governance was founded.

Dr. Gaul is also every Security and Development professor I had in grad school who teaches that war never ends and it’s not about winning it’s about control to a class of future leaders at the state department, white house, and pentagon. i mean, it’s the cornerstone of US foreign policy since end of WW2.

While also listening to this book, I am dead sure that Suzanne could write a different version of Catching Fire where Katniss and Peeta were mentors and they uncover the hidden 10 hunger games tape, and it still will be a be hella of a story.

It also makes sense that the two characters that could possibly tell us or Katniss the connection of Snow to Lucy were the ones who can’t talk: Mags and Tigris.

obviously lucy ended up in 13, possibly related to Alma Coin coz where else will she get that personal hatred against Snow?

Snow could have at least picked Clemensia or Lys, but Livia? i guess make sense since her offspring ended up being Plutarch’s assistant.

I feel like if i read the prequel before the trilogy, it would be a different reading experience. But at the same time, Snow, while he had his moments, is an unlikeable character even as an anti-hero, and his moral stand point is something i dont agree with, coz you know, he’s basically a republican. it’s like reading a book about a young Mitch McConnell, doesn’t matter if the system hurt him sometimes, as long as it hurts others more and keeps him in control, and i gag. I don’t think i would finish reading the prequel if i started with it instead of the trilogy.

but it does solidifies my theory that Snow’s evil is not because he is out of touch with the rest of panem, he knows suffering that’s why he knows how to exploit it. He is not oblivious to the problems, but he arrived at different conclusions or convictions, because again he supports the system that controls his enemies, even if the system is cruel to him too. Again, a Republican. Don’t be one, don’t date one.

I do wonder tho if he made good with champagne tuesdays when he became president.

I don’t see how this prequel works as a movie adaptation tho, even if turned into three parts. It makes more sense for it to be a series, so if lionsgate hasn’t declared bankruptcy before they can adapt this into screen, maybe with the state of movies right now due to the pandemic, they will be more convinced to make this into a series for Netflix or to launch their own streaming service.

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #the hunger games

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