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mercurial-madhouse · 3 years

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Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

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This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

#Being this vulnerable #is an act of courage #I never knew I had #I'm not fearless #I feel ready to vomit #I have no idea how this will be received #but I am sharing my truth #have courage to share your truth #the world needs you

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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 16 part one

(Masterpost of All the Recaps) (Canary’s Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes

All righty, this one is going to be a laff riot...not. Let's do it.

The first half of this episode is like a beautifully executed standalone tragedy, while also threading together all sorts of themes and paying off all sorts of relationship building that's happened in the previous episodes. My hat is off to the writers, while I also shake a fist at them for making me cry an unreasonable amount.

We’re Sailing on a Strange Boat

The episode starts right off absolutely DESTROYING me with the Yunmeng brothers holding hands, fingers interlaced, in the first of many hand-touching moments that punctuate the episode.

Jiang Cheng has to be pretty far gone to accept this degree of comfort and tenderness. I think, from their positions, he is also holding Yanli's hand out of the camera's view.

Zidian finally lets the trio go, and they immediately turn the boat around and head back to Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian gets the clever idea to turn the benches into makeshift oars but nobody gets the clever idea to use magic to push the boat like they do literally every other time they are in a boat.

Their emotional need to go back to Lotus Pier is understandable, but they are being disobedient and irresponsible by doing it. Jiang Cheng is the future of the clan, and should not risk his life, particularly after his mother chose to sacrifice herself to protect him and after both of his parents told him to go hide with his sister and personal bodyguard brother.

On the other hand, Jiang Fengmian, as clan leader, probably had a duty to go into hiding himself rather than go home to die romantically, so his authority is questionable at this point. Anyway, this is the Jiang Clan, they get to kind of do what they want, except when that pisses Jiang Cheng off.

Lotus Pier Massacre

Back at Lotus Pier, the Wens are kicking Jiang ass. The fight choreography is pretty good, taking full advantage of walkways, railings, pools, and other features of the environment.

Using the set this way always makes fights feel more kinetic and real, as opposed to simply sparring in an open area.

(more after the cut)

Yu Ziyuan is fighting adequately with a sword, having given her preferred weapon to her son. She's clearly been at it for a while, and is tiring; the Wen soldiers are starting to land more and more sword blows but no critical hits yet.

Wen Zhuliu is kicking ass and possibly melting cores, although we don't see him do it to anybody yet. Later we'll hear from Jiang Cheng that he crushed the cores of his parents, but it's not clear when that happens.

Sixth young master replays Jiang Fengmian's entire archery lesson in his head while he waits, and waits, for Wen Zhuliu to finish strangling a dude the right moment to shoot an arrow at Wen Zhuliu.

Homicidal tart Wang Lingjiao notices him lining up a shot, strolls over, and stabs him in the back while he's still thinking about what Jiang Fengmian said. One could wish that JFM's archery lessons weren't quite so wordy.

Wang Linjao normally doesn't carry a sword because of her low spiritual power, but apparently can use one just fine when she's killing kids.

If you start feeling like this episode is unreasonably painful, just think of it as building up calluses so you can handle Yi City when the time comes.

Jiang Fengmian to the Rescue

Jiang Fengmian shows up very far past the nick of time, although he is not actually useful, so it's questionable whether arriving earlier would have helped. But his wife is glad to see him.

Netflix subtitles say that Jiang Fengmian calls Yu Ziyuan "My Lady!" which sounds courtly and romantic in English. His actual words are "San Niangzi" which hunxi-gullai breaks out here. I might render this as "lady wife!" rather than "my lady" but I don't think English really has a perfect equivalent.

Jiang Fengmian sails across the courtyard, knocking down a few Wen soldiers and becoming a young, slender man in the process.

I mean, come on, that stunt double does not look like a boxy middle-aged man from any angle.

The Dying Bit

The episode splits up the big death scene for dramatic effect but I'm recapping it all together to keep things simple.

Within moments of arriving, Jiang Fengmian gets shanked by Wen Zhuliu like Scatman Crothers in The Shining (or Groundskeeper Willie in The Shinning).

Wen Zhuliu stops a Wen soldier from finishing JFM off, just so that a different Wen soldier can deliver the killing blow from the back, which is kinda harsh. With all this spin-fighting there is probably not an implication of cowardice when someone dies from a stab in the back, but still. Too rude, Wen Zhuliu.

Yu Ziyuan sees Jiang Fengmian fall, and after having a moment of sorrow and despair, she stabs herself in the heart, falls down, crawls to him and interlaces her hand with his. He revives just enough to give her hand a squeeze and say "San Niangzi" one last time before dying.

She dies next, with a smile on her face at the end. The soundtrack plays that amazing "horribly emotional death scene" music that isn't one of the tracks available on the OST, argh. This same music appears at the end of Xue Yang's story.

Of the many things I love about the Untamed, the complexity of all the minor characters is possibly my favorite. These two people suck at parenting, and suck at being married, and ultimately suck at protecting and leading their clan, making stupid, selfish choices at every step of the building conflict.

And then they have this incredibly romantic death scene, in which they both face the inevitability of failure, and find comfort in failing together. Yet their death scene is totally in keeping with who we know them to be, and who they are to each other; the drama doesn't cheat by making them ideal lovers or great people at the end. But they have a great, great moment.

Jiang Yanli, waiting in the woods while her brothers are presumably running toward Lotus Pier, drops her lotus pendant, which is made of the loudest jade ever discovered, and it breaks with a crash.

Yanli, who is a well educated young lady, knows a moment of doomy symbolism when she sees it.

Jiang Yanli: Who put a giant rock out here in the woods? What are the odds I’d drop my pendant directly on it?

It’s all Over Except for the Crying, Running and Choking

The brothers climb up on the roof and are shocked to see nothing but Wen soldiers and piled up Jiang corpses...

...including one child who is either about to become a zombie or who is being played by a young actor who can't control their curiosity, judging by the way this eye is sneakily opened while the camera is running.

There's a moment where Jiang Cheng is saying they must have spared his parents, they must be okay, where Wei Wuxian's face is just...wow. You can see right here the gulf in life experience between these two.

Wen Zhuliu roams around looking troubled while searching for more people to kill. He’s an interesting villain; someone who believes his loyalty to his boss makes him a good guy, but knows his boss is a bad guy.

Then we are treated to a hell of a camera move, where it tracks over Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian together on the floor, heroic in death and still holding hands, and then sweeps up to show their killers sitting on the lotus throne.

The dead couple were at odds for their whole lives together, while the evil people who killed them are acting like devoted lovebirds. It's a stunning shot and a terrific thematic contrast. When Wei Wuxian eventually comes to take his vengeance, he will spend some time turning Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao against each other, before ending them.

The camera shows us JC's reaction, then shows his mother, then WWX’s reaction, then JF; each reacting to the death of the person who loved them. Some folks may feel that Jiang Fengmian actually did love Jiang Cheng but was just bad at showing it. But Jiang Cheng doesn't think so, and I don't think it's a given that parents love their children.

Side note: Macroexpression king Wang Zhuocheng is able to open his eyes so far that a giant strip of white shows above his irises, and keep them like that, which is quite a trick. Try it yourself.

Meanwhile Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao gossip about YZY and JFM's bad marriage. Wen Chao admires YZY's beauty, and Wang Lingjiao insults her character, and announces that she's going to stab YZY's body a few extra times. Jiang Cheng briefly faints at this, taking a page from Wei Wuxian's book, and rolls off the roof.

Run Run Away

Both young men run, and run, and run away from Lotus Pier while Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao mistreat the bodies of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan

The stabbing happens off camera, because it's ok to stab a live child on camera, but not a dead adult. (As always, there are cultural reasons for "what's ok" in any country, and I'm not saying anybody's wrong about these choices).

Wen Chao follows this up with pouring a cup of wine across their faces. He does this in the style of a libation for the dead, but as a desecration, combining mistreatment of bodies with profaning a ceremonial rite. In a world where ghosts are real and have sharp fingernails, this is deeply, deeply stupid.

Yu Ziyuan’s actress Zhang Jingtong is able to have liquid poured INTO HER EAR without flinching. Mad props.

The brothers eventually finish running and arrive in a field with an extreme purple photo filter on it. Which I've done my best to remove for these gifs, with variable results.

Jiang Cheng wants to turn around and go back to Lotus Pier. He says he wants to retrieve his parents’ bodies and to take revenge, but he's devastated and it seems likely he just wants to die with everyone else.

Wei Wuxian pleads with Jiang Cheng to calm down and stay safe, while Jiang Cheng gives himself over to anger and shock as the brothers shout at each other.

Punching and running ensues, and Wei Wuxian tries to hold his brother back, grabbing him around the shoulders him in a gesture that painfully echoes the many hugs he's given over the years.

This time Jiang Cheng doesn't just push him off. He turns around and chokes his brother for nearly a full minute, while screaming at him and blaming him.

Just as when Madame Yu beat him, Wei Wuxian doesn't fight back; he pulls on Jiang Cheng's wrists but doesn't hit him or try to break his hold.

Finally Jiang Cheng lets him go, and cries out for everyone he's lost, while Wei Wuxian weeps silently next to him. Eventually they fall asleep in the grass together, their bodies curled up in the form of a heart.

Damn, this episode really brings it.

Side Note: during their argument, Wei Wuxian says, among other things, that "revenge is a dish best served cold," according to subtitles. It's a French saying from the 1800s so it's probably not precisely what Wei Wuxian is saying. More importantly, as a longtime Star Trek fan I can't help but hear James Kirk yelling "KHAN!!!!!" whenever I encounter that phrase.

There’s Got To Be A Morning After

When they wake up in the morning, Jiang Cheng is still in his feelings, but now his feelings have moved along to despair, from anger.

I feel bad for noticing how handsome they both look in this scene. Let's all feel bad about this together.

Jiang Cheng is free to have this level of emotional breakdown because Wei Wuxian is there keeping his own shit together and focusing on what matters.

When Jiang Cheng refuses to get up, Wei Wuxian reminds him, very, very gently, that they have a sister, who has waited all night to know what happened.

At this, Jiang Cheng gets up, but won't look at Wei Wuxian, continuing to blame him for everybody else's actions, as he walks onward to find Yanli.

Wei Wuxian follows, hurt and bereft, as he gets to work internalizing everything that he's being accused of. This is good practice for his future as a widely reviled bogeyman.

Part two will be slightly less awful! Coming soon!

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #the untamed meta #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #yu ziyuan #wen zhuliu #jiang fengmian

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ratonnhhaketon · 3 years

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If you're uncomfortable with it: maybe a plus size female reader x Arthur Morgan, where she comes from a good family but has never been appreciated and seen as a difficult daughter to marry off. She and Arthur help each other with their own insecurities and he's a sweet gentleman to her. (Totally okay if you don't want to write it though! Have a lovely day! 💛💛)

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Mentions of Micah Bell, Fatphobia, Fluff, Comfort, Mild angst

A/N: Thank you for the request! I apologize that this took so long, I’ve been loaded with school work this past week and haven’t had much time to write. But nevertheless I hope you enjoy reading!

Y/N came from a nice family. Good money, good land, good reputation. Never wanted for really anything, expect one: for her parents to approve of and appreciate her and not just focus on her weight. Growing up there were always girls her parents felt the need to compare her to.

“Why aren’t you as skinny as her? Don’t you think you should try to look like her to get a man? She’s so pretty, I bet she’ll get a husband soon.” These were just some of the words etched into her brain, the stinging phrases every adult would say to her to make her feel worse about herself. Any attempt to marry her to a promising young man was in vain, as something always ended up making them say no. And thus, resulted in more of her parents blaming her “unfavorable” appearance on the failed engagement.

No matter how hard she tried to be more pretty, or more skinny, or just more acceptable in her parents’ eyes, the less she was happy with herself.

That was, until she joined the gang.

The last time her old life had crossed her mind was when everyone was huddled into a tiny hut in Colter, trying to figure out what they would do to stay alive. Davey was freshly dead, his body barely clinging to the last few tendrils of warmth it still had. She missed the warmth and security of her parents’ estate. The soft blankets and fireplaces in almost every room. She missed the atmosphere, but certainly not the people dwelling within.

But the gang was her home now, her new family. If it wasn’t for the gang, she never would have met Arthur.

Arthur.

He was her rock. The one she loved more than anything, the one who would be there for her through any emotion regardless of how intense. And now was one of those times.

Recently Micah had been constantly poking fun at her for absolutely any reason, big or small. She had learned to brush off his comments, but lately some of them had been getting to her. Specifically the ones about her weight.

So now she Y/N sat on a rock by the edge of camp, overlooking the edge of Flat Iron Lake. Micah’s words echoed in her mind as she sat deep in thought, not even paying attention to the setting sun like she did every other night. She had not even realized she started crying until tears had landed on her hands nervously picking at each other in her lap. Soon the tears fell freely and she didn’t care who noticed.

Before long she was sobbing, a hand clasped over her mouth and her cries shaking her body. She felt hopeless, scared, even alone.

That is, until Arthur had approached her form and immediately sat beside her. His strong arms wrapped around her shoulders, to which she jumped in surprise before realizing who it was and relaxing, and he pulled her onto his lap. He rested his chin atop her head and spoke in a low voice, “Darlin’, you alright? D’ya wanna talk about it?”

She buried her face into his chest and breathed deeply in an attempt to try and stop the tears. “Mi-Micah..” was all she could choke out between sobs. Although learning that the bastard of a man mistreated his sweetheart was enough to make his vision run red, he rubbed his hand in comforting circles circles across her back to calm both of them down. He could make Micah pay for his actions later- right now his only priority was making sure his girl was taken care of.

The two sat like that for a few minutes as Y/N calmed down until the only noise between them was quiet sniffles and hiccups.

“Y/N,” Arthur said in a low voice, a hand coming up to cup her cheek lovingly. “Are you alright?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said with a hiccup, wiping her running nose on the back of her sleeve. “I know you always tell me to ignore those comments and that he’s only trying to get a rise out of me, but today I just.. couldn’t. I..I just-“ she felt tears well up behind her eyes and she hastily blinked them back before they could fall. “It’s hard sometimes. He just reminds me of how I could never live up to my family’s expectations about my appearance.”

Her eyes drifted down to her hands and she bit her quivering lip out of nervousness, but both of Arthur’s hands had cupped her cheeks. He gently tilted her head up so he could look into her eyes. He ran his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping away a stray tear, before speaking, “Y/F/N Y/L/N, I love you so much. And I know you know that, but you also need to know that the only expectations that matter are your own. I will always be with you no matter what happens, and you can forget about your god-forsaken family and their horrible opinions on you. I love every single inch of you. And I’ll admit I still don’t know why you chose a big dumb oaf like myself, but I wake up every day grateful that you did and that I can call you mine.” His lips upturned into a smile before he spoke up again, "There's just more of you for me to love than the average woman, and I wouldn't change that for the world."

She looked at him for a moment, taking in how sincere his words were, before reaching up to grab his shirt collar and pulling him into a passionate kiss. Their lips moved in sync, their bodies in perfect harmony as if they were one entity.

When they both pulled back for air, Y/N was the first to speak. “Arthur Morgan.. I know you don’t see yourself the same way I do, but you are not some ‘big dumb oaf,’ you’re the man I fell in love with. You do so much for me and everyone in camp and we definitely would not be where we are right now without you.” As she spoke, his hands dropped from her face to her hips, with his thumbs rubbing tiny circles into the soft material of her skirt. Her head slightly tilted to the side with a sad smile on her lips. “It makes me sad that you don’t see how important you are to everyone in the gang, especially me. You’re handsome, and strong, and the kindest soul I’ve ever met.” He opened his mouth to retaliate, to which she immediately raised a finger to his lips and shushed him. “I know, I know- ‘I ain’t a good man’. I’m not saying you have to be. I know you’ve killed and robbed people, but all of us have. You don’t hurt those that haven’t hurt others, and you help those that have been hurt.” She paused for a moment to grab one of his hands and intertwine their fingers. “Especially me.”

He felt his own tears prick at the corners of his eyes at her heartfelt words. Arthur stared at her features, admiring how they glowed from the moonlight slowly creeping into the night sky above them. She looked ethereal, like a goddess, and he was thankful to whatever higher being decided he was lucky enough to have met her. “I love you, Y/N.”

She smiled at him sweetly. “I love you too, Arthur. So much.” She glanced at the sky above them before looking back at him, not even noticing until now that night had fallen around them. “It’s getting late. Could we go to bed?”

Arthur didn't answer, he just simply slid an arm behind her knees and stood in one fluid motion, earning a surprised squeal from the woman in his arms. He walked back into camp, not paying any attention to the sly looks and low whistles from John and Javier by the campfire. He brought Y/N into their shared tent and set her down on the cot before planting a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Getcha ‘self ready for bed. I’ll be back in a minute, darlin’.” She watched as he pushed his sleeves up above his elbows and walked confidently out of the tent before hearing “MICHA BELL, where the fuck are you hidin’!” being roared across camp.

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enmy-writes · 3 years

Text

My Rock Star

Request: Anon: hii can i request a zuko x reader fic where the reader is in a famous girl group (like blackpink for example) & the whole gaang is backstage while the reader is getting ready for a performance & its just super fluffy & cute? Thanks!!

Word Count: 2,646

Fandom: ATLA (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

Genre: All fluff. It’s some nice fluff time

Rated: 18+

Content Warnings: swearing, mentions of abuse (not detailed though), suggested themes but nothing bad

****My first request!! Sorry, anon, if I didn’t capture everything you wanted, but I hope it is! I am a sucker for music and bands, and instead of a blackpink approach, I gave the band instruments because I simp for instruments lol I might do a part 2 if this turns out well so lmk! Also, I learned how to make the “keep reading” line show up so that’s exciting yay me. Enjoy :)****

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It was about two hours before the show was supposed to start and Y/N was doing her normal self-routine before she had to go to her ‘Band-Team-Gang’ (or BTG as her and the girls liked to call it) pre-show rituals.

Y/N was a part of a famous girl group who had just recently started making it big in Ba Sing Se and were on their first huge tour. Normally, this would make any performer nervous of the attention and putting on a big show, but this was the environment that she thrived in.

Suki, Mai, Ty Lee, Azula, Yue, and herself all knew each other from an all-girl’s private school that they grew up in together and bonded immediately over their love for creating music. It was inevitable for them to become a group.

They spent most of their high school days writing songs and joking around in Y/N’s backyard bungalow her parents had gotten her for her twelfth birthday. To this day, they still go back there and do hot (dumb) girl shit.

“Why would we stop? That’s our home, of course we’d still go back there!” Ty Lee answered the interviewer with her signature hair flip and giggle.

Azula rolled her eyes at the girl, hiding a fond smile. “At this point, It’d be weird not to go back to that little corner of hell we made.” Yue smacked her arm quickly, “Azula! Don’t act like you haven’t written most of our top hits in the bean bag we definitely didn’t steal from the school lounge.”

The rest of the girls laughed, remembering how they had to hop the gates and sneak past the night guards to be able to get the bean bag. The plan would’ve been a total waste of time and definitely would have gotten them all expelled if anyone had caught them, but thank Mai’s ability to pick locks (which no one knows where she learned to do but they do not question it).

“Plus,” Suki chimed in. “Y/N’s dad makes the best snacks and meals for us. It’d be a federal crime to not take up that offer for as long as we can.”

Needless to say, the six girls were so comfortable with each other that every performance was just like every group practice with, like, thousands of extra guests of honor. They even have a couch lounge area as part of their stage set props. It just makes sense.

Even though those were her best friends ever, sisters even, Y/N had another friend group that she was super close with. Azula had introduced Y/N to her brother, Zuko, back when they were in their sophomore year of high school and the two instantly clicked. It had only taken a year of being friends and hiding crushes for them to get together, and the two were still going strong. Through him, Y/N met a gang of (crazy) people that he had spent his whole public schooling years.

Aang, an enthusiastic and bald, vegan kid who loved life and enjoyed everything around him; Katara, his pre-med and feminist girlfriend; Sokka, her hilarious and amazingly smart brother (though, sometimes his ideas are questionable); and Toph, a blind and tough girl who is on her way to ruin the top 1%. With Zuko, they were the tightest and happiest little family that automatically accepted Y/N when Zuko brought her over one night.

She was there when he went through a pyromaniac phase, his varying hair styles, and when he tried to get his father’s love back.Ozai, their father, was the owner and CEO of a massive weapons corporation. He had burned Zuko’s face on a hot stove and kicked him out of the house for suggesting that he raise the wage of all his employees to a comfortable living wage because many of his employees struggled to provide for their families even though they worked their asses off. Thankfully, his kind Uncle Iroh instantly picked the boy up off of the streets, letting him live with him and run his successful tea shop called the Jasmine Dragon.

Azula had been shoved away by her father mostly for sexist reasons. Ozai would never pass his company down to his daughter, no matter how smart and dedicated she was. He threw her in the private school where she lived year round. She had never told Y/N or any of the other girl’s any of this, Y/N had found out through Zuko.

Y/N’s mother was a successful lawyer and her father was a district attorney who were very very passionate about bringing justice to those of racial discrimination, domestic abuse, abuse in general, and orphan rights. Her mother was an orphan who was plain lucky to get adopted by a loving old couple who used their life savings to get her the education and life she deserved while her father was a victim of domestic abuse.

So, after months of convincing Zuko, Y/N told her parents about the two siblings. Long story short, they got Ozai arrested for his abuse crimes, bribery history, employee mistreatment, and many more crimes. They also adopted Azula herself and gave full custody of Zuko to his uncle.

Since then, the world has been peaceful for the group. Azula has started to recover from her trauma with the help of her friends, therapy, and love from two caring adults; and Zuko was glowing year round in the company of his uncle and friends.

A smile forms on her face, thinking of her large family and all they’ve gone through to get here, when the door to her personal backstage room opened up. The loud voices from Aang and Sokka met her ears next.

“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU REMEMBERED THE HAM SANDWICHES WITH NO CRUST.” A kiss to her cheek and Sokka is instantly at her snack table.

“Y/N! How’d you know I was going to bring Appa and Momo?!” Aang walked his huge, white dog and lemur (don’t ask how he has it. It might be illegal, but no one can tell him no) to the pet bed corner she had put in.

Not answering them, Y/N just smiles at her friends who barged in and turns back to her mirror where she’s trying to decide her earring combination for the day. Warm arms snake their way around her waist, a body sliding up against her back soon after.

“What’s your ideas for tonight?” Zuko’s voice speaks quietly into her ear, causing her to hum and lean back against his chest slightly.

“I’m not sure. We’re going for the edgy look tonight, but we all know Ty Lee is still going to wear pink. Man, our manager is going to kill her...again.” They both laugh. “Ugh, why did you let me pierce my ears, like, ten times. There’s too many combinations to choose from!”

“Me?! I did-- never mind. Just grab a handful, no one can see them from the stage anyways.” Despite his attempt to seem like he doesn’t care, one of his ring-clad fingers starts moving his favorite pieces over into a little pile by themselves. Y/N rolls her eyes and starts putting his choices in random holes in her ear, pushing him back lightly so she can bend over closer to the mirror to see better.

“It’s the fit Zu… if the fit is a vibe, the confidence is there. If the confidence is there, nothing can stop my hot girl shit.” Her words cause him to let a huff of jealousy, flicking her arm playfully.

Their eyes meet in the mirror, and he can clearly see the mischief in them. Calming down, he jokes back. “Yeah, well, you may do your ‘hot girl shit,’ but no one can steal you from me. We’ve been here too long.”

Toph cuts in from across the room with a loud laugh. “Please, fire brains, I could steal Y/N if I tried.”

He whips around to face the short girl, “No you could not!!”

“Actually, she makes a point.” Katara says, nodding along in hopes to pick fun at the boy.

Sokka adds his two cents. “Honestly. Toph would just have to pick Y/N up and slam her against the wall or something and she’d tell her manager to send you a letter of resignation.”

The whole group laughs, save for the angsty boy, and Y/N wraps her hand around his wrist. She pulls him towards her and reaches for a peck on the cheek. “While that may be true,” she gets a glare. “I’m too big of a simp for you… and Uncle Iroh’s dinner and game nights.”

While the rest of them laugh, Zuko’s eyes soften and he presses his lips to hers in a short, soft kiss. Uncle Iroh adores his girlfriend and everything she has done for Zuko and Azula where he had no power to do anything. The man calls her more than he does Zuko himself, and he’s pretty sure Y/N convinced him to download Words With Friends on his phone to play with her for when she can’t make it to the weekly game night dates.

Y/N smiles up at him and pats his cheeks lovingly before moving to the wardrobe area of her room. She pulls out ‘Cards Against Humanity’ from a duffle bag on the floor before joining the rest of her friends around the lounge area, patting the seat beside her for Zuko to join them.

Everyone cheers at the sight of the black and white box with the many expansion packs that they have collected over the years. While Katara deals, everyone else makes bets on who is going to win this time. Y/N slides back into Zuko’s side as his arm comes to rest around her shoulders, playing with the ends of her H/L hair.

It’s about fifty minutes before the show is starting, and Y/N knows she has to start getting dressed and ready for the concert. Sighing, she slips from her boyfriend’s grasp (a small whine coming from him) and moves to her dressing corner. Suki, Ty Lee, Mai, Azula, and Yue had made their way to the room shortly after they started due to Sokka texting his girlfriend (Suki) to come over and join.

The rest of the girls notice you get up and leave as well, much to everyone else’s dismay. You reassure them to keep playing a few more rounds, not wanting to ruin their fun with you putting clothes on. Y/N quickly shoves her outfit choice on which is very hot, black, and riddled with chains. To top it off, she had thick-heeled combat boots on with numerous buckles on them. Her hair, makeup, and accessories have already been done so she heads back to the group.

‘Cards Against Humanity’ has been packed up neatly and her friends are lounging around, getting last minute snacks and quality time before they go to their special seats right in front of the stage. Nothing but the best for her friends. Sokka and Katara are the first people to see her, and the former lets out his own wolf whistle in his own way to hype Y/N up.

“DAMN, my best friend is HOT AS HELL. Zuko, you lucky ass man.” Katara hits him, but shoots her a wink as the rest of the gang look over. Y/N laughs giddily through their praises and hyped words (Toph in good spirit rather than actually seeing her outfit), as she makes her way back to her spot on the couch.

Zuko, who hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her yet, quickly grabs her bare waist and tugs her onto his lap to hold her tight. “So… this is what you meant by ‘hot girl shit.’” Letting out a loud laugh, Y/N turns her head and gives him a quick kiss. “I’m a rock star, baby, what can I say.”

Aang cheers out of nowhere. “Yes! I’ve always wanted to be a groupie!” More laughter and jokes ring throughout the room, keeping the atmosphere as light as always,

A knock at the door interrupts them. A man is standing there in all black with a headset on and a sleek, red (with little sparkles that only gleam in the light), electric guitar carefully caressed in his hands. While they are a girl group, their success has mainly come from being a girl group who also plays all their instruments. With Mai on the drums, Ty Lee on the keyboard, Azula and Y/N on electric guitars, Yue on the acoustic guitar, Suki on the bass; the band is truly a sight with all of them sharing the vocals and their enthusiastic (near crackhead) energy that give their crowd a good show.

“Miss L/N? This is your five minute warning.” He tells them, not bothered by the usual group of people who are constantly in these rooms with her.

“Thanks Lee!” Y/N hops up to get her pride and joy (her child as Suki and Mai like to joke about). “I’ll be right out.”

Knowing these are the last pre-game minutes, everyone starts getting up to leave the room as well. Zuko lingers by Y/N who’s busy making sure her instrument is tuned perfectly for the numbers she’s about to perform.

“I can feel you staring, Zu,” She smiles, still looking down at her strings. He huffs out a laugh, reaching out to push a piece of hair back to see her face.

“Good luck out there, my rock star. Don’t do too much hot girl shit.”

“Oh, I’m doing all the hot girl shit.” A glare. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding… unless…?” She laughs at his fed up face. Reaching up, she presses one last, lingering kiss to his lips, enjoying the feeling of his fingers clutching her sides firmly and the feeling of his heart beat under her palm that’s resting on his chest.

“Bye, love. I’ll see you after the show.” She whispers, sealing the promise with a kiss before moving back. “Alright kids! Get the hell out of my dressing room.” Y/N shouts at her friends and they all leave together, laughing away.

The rest of them wish her luck before moving away, Sokka sprinting to find Suki one last time. Zuko holds onto her free hand, watching her laugh at ‘Simp Sokka’ with his small smile on his face. He kisses her hand, pulling her attention back to him.

“Bye, rock star. I’ll see you after the show. Break a leg, yeah?” His cliche words make her laugh more, pulling away from him and towards the rest of her band who are chanting “BTG! BTG!”.

“Zu… I don’t break legs. I break hearts.” And with one last mischievous look, she mouths ‘hot girl shit’ and struts away in that way that makes Zuko want to make her cancel the show completely.

His phone buzzes a few minutes after he caught up with his friends in their special closed off section on the floor. He opens the notification and it sends him to Instagram where Y/N had tagged him in a post. The smile grows on his face with every second he takes in the post.

Katara must’ve taken the picture. The angle, lighting, and quality could only be done by her. Y/N was on his lap, dressed to go on stage. Zuko’s mouth was almost touching her ear, definitely when he was whispering to her, and her face was wide in a smirk. They looked good, perfect even. The caption is what made him laugh, warmth and pride that she is his spreading through his chest.

“Y/N_L/N: for him? I’m always on my hot girl shit”

#zuko #zuko imagine #zuko x reader #avatar zuko #atla x reader #atla #fanfic #Avatar The Last Airbender #atla fanfic #alta x reader #atla x you #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #x reader #enmy-writes atla

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aitarose · 3 years

Text

OVER OUR HORIZON (T.KUROO) pairing: kuroo tetsurou x fem!reader

synopsis: supposedly a guardian angel in the midst of her demons, kuroo tetsuro was her salvation, her saving joy—but in the end, she was his demise.

word count: 1.4k

genre: mob au, angst, established relationship

warnings: mentions of abuse, guns, blood, major character death

notes: this is for my bbs lina-chan and kyle. i still know little to nothing about this man, but he is a very fun time to write.

↳ DIRECTORY

Chaos erupted around them, loose bullets and noise-cancelling gunshots ringing past their ears—adrenaline rushing through their veins as Kuroo held her hand in his, pulling her away from the violence, away from the insanity that was her life.

His body shielded hers, a bullet proof vest strapped against his chest for a layer of extra protection, an insurance policy that she’d be alright. It was a way to make sure that the woman he loved would survive the attack he’d planned. The attack that he’d planned since the moment he’d met her.

Coming from the family that she’d been born into, Y/N was a clear threat amongst the average people. She had power, drive, ambition—three things that could breed a killer, a murderer amongst murderers.

And Kuroo had known this, he’d known the danger and sacrifice that would come with getting close to her. He knew the risks he was taking when he’d accepted the position as her bodyguard, the bodyguard for a mob princess.

There was no world in which he’d expected to fall in love with her. His feelings had grown strong, quickly and unpredictably. All of their little moments together, the times in which he’d sneak her out of the family dinners, into their little alcove, and kiss her while the moonlight shone from the window sill.

All of the times where he’d wrap his arms around her, hold her close as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear, promise her that he’d always love her, never wanting to let her go. He was her sun, bringing warmth and empathy to her morally grey life.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and run away together. Run away, far away from her family, from the horror that she’d faced every day as a child, teenager, and young adult.

So, he’d conducted a plan with his own agency. One in which every part would be satisfied. A plan in which her family’s business would be put to a stop, and he’d be able to shower her in love forever—live a life in absolute peace.

And with his allies neck-in-neck with hers, he dragged her away from the sight. He ran with her to their favorite place in the massive residency, a place that no one else thought to bother with, their little alcove near the stars.

“What’s happening, Tetsuro?” Y/N whispered, holding his face to hers, grimacing as he pressed light and loving kisses to the blossoms of her cheeks, the scars that graced her gorgeous glow. “What did you do?”

She was confused, expecting the night to go just as it had been planned. It was the long awaited night in which she’d take over for her father, run the business of killers herself. A night that she’d been forced to prepare for, for her entire life.

The smile on his face was concerning in her eyes, one of a madman. The infatuated gaze he wore was frightening, the genuine love that he felt overwhelming her senses, throwing her feelings into a whirlpool of self-doubt.

“I bought us time, my love.” He responded, gently caressing her beautiful features, trying his best to show her that everything was alright—that they would be alright. “I bought us time to live our lives—to live our life together.”

“You don’t deserve this life, Y/N. You don’t deserve to become a cold-blooded killer against your will.” Stepping even closer, hands on her shoulders, doing his best to ground her while they stood in the eye of the hurricane. “Run away with me—be happy with me away from all of this.”

Kissing her gently, lips lingering over hers. memorizing the velvet feeling of her touch, the pure ecstasy that came with her presence—Kuroo felt that everything would turn out right. That he was about to get his happy ending, the ending that he’d always dreamed of for the two of them.

But it wasn’t as easy as he thought.

He simply assumed that their relationship was strong enough to move mountains, that the complexity of their lives wasn’t overbearing, that it didn’t tower over Y/N, causing her to quiver in fear every day.

Yes, she loved him as much as he loved her. Her heart was swollen with all of the niceties and adoration that she held for her sworn protector. Seeing his bright, smiling face in the mornings was the one thing she could always count on—the shining sun amidst her thunder clouds.

And she’d never expected to feel such a way, to feel like her family wasn’t the most important thing in her life, to feel as if nothing mattered other than him. It was as if she orbited around his light, as if her tidal waves were settled by the rays of his moon.

He was made to show her humanity, given to her by someone higher above to teach her the meaning of loving someone with her entire heart. While Y/N’s purpose was quite different, as she was only to bring him demise.

Stepping back, rejecting his kisses and shows of love, her face became stone. Cold and unreadable as she held his own gun in her hands, the very weapon that had saved her life a countless amount of times. The very weapon that he’d sworn he would protect her with, now considered Kuroo its target.

“I love you.” Y/N confessed using the three words that she’d tell him every night when they’d lay in bed beside one another, breathless and completely secure in his bare arms. “I love you so much, more than I thought I could ever be capable of.”

Shaking his head at the craze in her eyes, Kuroo pleaded. He pleaded that she reconsider what she was doing, that she looked at it from his perspective—the perspective of happiness, the prospect that they’d be normal people. That they’d be normal people who’d get married, start a family, die from old age and not molded steel.

And with his life in her hands, his weapon between her fingers, Y/N looked at Kuroo with all of the love in her heart. She felt it expand, overcompensating for how her family mistreated her, how her life mistreated her—and did the one thing she never thought she’d do—the one thing that truly made her the monster she’d always known she’d become.

She pulled the trigger.

The sound was deafening. Every noise, gunshot, bullet on mute as she watched the love of her life crumble—as she watched him scream in agony and pure pain, clutching swollen his neck and gasping for air. However, there were no regrets on her mind, she believed that she made the right decision for herself. The decision to leave him behind.

Falling back, Kuroo was in disbelief. The faith he’d had in her completely shattered as she turned away without giving him so much as a second glance—moving past his convulsing body as if it were nothing, as if he was as worthless as her broken promises.

The pain of heartbreak wasn’t a stranger to his mind, but a misconception to the average person. It wasn’t some emotion to write love songs and make movies about—but complete and utter anguish. It was more painful than death itself.

His chest felt heavy, heaving and sighing as the blood loss became far too much. Laying there, in a pool of his own shades of red and scarlet, reality hit him harder than her family’s bullets ricocheted off of their granite walls, harder than how they burrowed themselves deep into the chests of his allies.

Her betrayal hadn’t only broken his heart, broken the trust that he thought they’d cemented together, but it’d cost him his life. The sun was finally setting over the horizon—and unfortunately for him, this time, the horizon was his.

So, as Kuroo Tetsuro took his last dying breaths, his arm stretched out, yearning to capture her fleeting love one last time—he bled out alone.

Alone and hidden from the others, hidden in his own secluded alcove that he’d first confessed his relentless feelings, his relentless love. The love that ignited the flame that had been just blown out—the flame that had been forgotten by the girl that held his heart.

And as his heartbeat slowed, collapsing into tiny fragments, a shell of what his love had once been, as did the building itself. As did the beautiful stained glass windows, the towering stone pillars, and the vaulted ceilings.

Watching as the world around him became destroyed, demolished due to the chaos he himself had evoked, he was buried beneath his own lies and lost dreams—the lost dreams that he’d had for him and Y/N.

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boxofbadaddiction · 3 years

Text

They'll Hold Him Down

Draco Malfoy

Redemption Arc

Random Idea/Imagine/IDK

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse.

Arthur and Molly Weasley were very perceptive people. Not a lot goes unnoticed by the pair - how can it when you're raising such children as Fred and George? So, unsurprisingly, it wouldn't take long for them to notice the subtle notes of mistreatment that Draco were being subjected to.

They know it's not their place to question the parenting tactics of other adults but there's a line which you don't cross when it comes to raising a child. The line between a firm guiding hand and abuse. One which they were sure had been crossed long ago by Lucius and Narsissa Malfoy.

There's little they can do to help in such a case, sadly. But not nothing.

It were something that the two Redhaired parents took as an all-hands-on-deck situation. Everyone were to help where they could; showing him the kindness he weren't receiving at home.

It starts off smally; passing comments and kind or thoughtful guestures from the family to Draco. Ones which are always met with digust and confusion by said boy. The Weasleys are "less than them" after all.

Arthur would speak to him in passing at work when Lucius had dragged his son along before he started school or on their Summer Holidays. Giving mere offhand reassurance, whispered to him when his Father wasn't near.

Draco never failed to hear the light-hearted comments. Words which unexpectedly weighed so heavily on such young shoulders. Statements as simple as "You're a good kid." and "You know what's right." would one day come to mean more to him than his young mind could fathom.

It were a kind of conditioning he never realised he were being subjected to. But not in a bad way, the Weasleys became that little voice in his head that reminded him of right and wrong. Like a conscience - one like which he'd never had growing up in the Malfoy house. He'd been taught to obey. Follow orders. Do as they do. Anything else was wrong and unacceptable. Worthy of dishonour. And honour was a very important trait in the noble and proud house of Malfoy.

Molly were adamant with her children about being kind to Draco no matter his actions. To never retaliate and show kindness when they can. Which of course is met with their own level of digust and confusion - and a little anger, but they listen. They always do. The note of desperation and seriousness in their parents voices is enough for them not to question the matter further - in front of their parents anyway, but many nights you could find the Weasley children along with Harry and Hermione huddled together wracking their brains for some explanation why they had to take the high road with someone as vile and cruel as Draco Malfoy.

In their curiosity to understand why it were so imperative they be kind to the greasy haired blonde boy, the Weasleys children began to take more notice of him. Watching him around school. Paying close attention to the things he says and the company he keeps. The relationships he holds and how he interacts with certain individuals. It didn't take long before everything clicked and they realised why this was needed of them.

They understood and so they never questioned it again.

Over time it becomes second nature to them. Every nasty comment rolls off their shoulders like it were never there in the first place.

Seeing as how his actions were having no effect causes Malfoy to reconsider some of his actions - why was he so determined to make them hurt? They'd never actually done anything to him. Not to mention, he hadn't failed to notice the way they'd begun to act so nicely towards him. Not out of their way nice but the little things slowly became evident over the years.

The trio would offer a hand when he were struggling in a class - though not always had it been accepted so warmly. Usually plenty curses and hateful words leaving his mouth; reacting the way he'd been taught to when someone stepped out of place.

The Twins had probably the largest effect on him. They'd shut people down for bullying/attacking him for being well... him with a simple yet menacing "lay off", daggers held in their words and behind their eyes. It were nearly...brotherly in a way which made Draco feel safe and protected even if only a little. A guesture he quietly appreciated - even if from a Weasley.

It weren't until those such instances he'd fully come to realise the level of power Weasleys actually held in this school. People respected them and listened when they spoke, aside from the obvious bigoted Slytherins such as He, Crabbe and Goyle who were subjected to their families views and brainwashing, and they'd managed it all without any anger, malice or unnecessary demonstrations of power. They were quietly powerful; kind, humble and warm - but not to be trifled with, and people knew that.

The effect they began to have on him caused a pain in his mind. Like an itch he couldn't scratch. Why were they looking out for him?

In reality it were more than that which had Draco so perplexed. They were changing him - a fact he refused to acknowledge or admit to of course.

He'd tried fighting the way his mind began to second guess his words and actions. To try and 'act like a Malfoy' but there were no denying how he became more accepting of them. But why? Why did he feel so...sympathetic? Or softened toward them? They. Were. Lesser.

Dirt.

Not worthy of pureblood.

Traitors.

Soon enough his own incessant bullying of their family and the hateful remarks to other students stopped. He never spoke ill of them anymore - not that he ever went out if his way to defend them or be kind in return but it were a quiet guesture which spoke unknown volumes.

Not only that but he'd become kinder to other students as well. Muggleborns in particular.

He no longer hung around prejudiced and toxic Slytherins like he always had, when he could help it - choosing rather to surround himself with positive and kind individuals of varying Houses and Bloodstatus.

He was truly growing. In so many ways he'd matured from that bratty rude child everyone despised so much.

He even seemed happier. More at ease within crowds of people. Okay with blending in and not making a spectacle of himself as a means to appear superior. He was content in just being rather than being seen. That alone seemed to take a load off his shoulders - no longer having to constantly peacock throughout any and all spaces. He could just relax and enjoy being young.

In his growth Draco had failed to notice how the Weasleys had noticed his new found hesitancy, how he would fall quiet as people dragged their name through mud rather than joking along with them, and the small acts of kindness he offered others. They saw him changing. It weren't a lot but it were something, at least, that made them feel, through all their suffering of obscenities and unnecessary abuse, that it'd been worth it. Even if only a little bit.

Draco'd be lying if he didn't say he'd toyed with the idea this were some prank or ruse to corrupt or embarrass him. To lull him into a false sense of security to gain information on his family to later use against them, a reason which subsequently kept him at a distance from the family. But Fred and George could never be that cruel, he knew that. And what was there to gain from such a long lasting game? And how could they ever have conned their parents into the charade? The simple answer; they couldn't. Because it were genuine. A genuine kindness that, not so deep down, he knew he were undeserving of.

Of course he never dared tell Lucius or Narsissa of the conflicting thoughts in his head; of the niceties he received as he secretly found comfort in their reassurances and would often hold onto them during especially dark days. Kept to himself initially as he hadn't found their behaviour particularly note worthy but now all out of fear of as to how his parents would react.

Not just what they may do or say to him, finding that he'd grown tolerant of the Weasleys but also what they may say or do to them.

Knowing Lucius he'd storm Arthur at work or the family at their home and give them a mouthful about 'knowing their place' and staying away from his son.

The last thing Draco wanted was them being assaulted by his father or worse and cause them to once again look at him with the contempt they once had. So in a complete uncharacteristically Draco way; His Father wouldn't be hearing about this.

Lucky for him Lucius remained oblivious to his new found silence and kind ways. The way his Son no longer laughed or sneered along side his father at the insults he'd bark about Bloodtraitor families and Muggles/Muggleborns.

Running into the Weasleys at the world cup he'd stood solemnly behind his father avoiding any eye contact.

When Umbridge rolled around, though he'd never admit to it, he had shielded them in ways. Saving them a fair share of punishment by pointing her wrath in an opposite direction. But why? He couldn't understand it.

Not until one fateful day the following year while Robe shopping when Narsissa and Draco bumped shoulders with Molly and Harry. Narsissa were relentless in her abuse towards Harry and the Weasleys mother. Draco remained silent. Avoiding their eye as he always had, though at one moment of accidental eye contact, Harry could have sworn he saw an apologetic smile shown on Dracos features. But he were looking away just as soon as it'd rose upon his face, like realisation had dawned, then appeared a terribly conflicted and almost painful expression to replace it.

As Narsissa made to leave Draco stepped slowly behind her with head bowed paying no mind to the pair as he made to exit the shop when he were suddenly halted by a hand bracing his arm; Molly. She stepped towards him slightly, whispering urgently "If you ever need saftey, talk to my children and come to us. we'll be there - we can help you."

His eyes met hers in shock, a little fear maybe, but there were no mistaking the confusion in his expression.

They were trying to help. Offer him protection. But how could they have known?

'This is wrong' he thought.

Draco pulled forcibly from her grip. A sharp glance thrown to Harry before storming from the shop.

Though he'd buried it the best he could there were no stopping Molly's words from ringing in his ears especially during what was to come; being branded with the Dark Mark and ordered to kill Dumbledore.

As time went by he couldnt help the guilt that weighed on his shoulders. He felt he had let them down. More than that really - he knew he had.

The World seemed to get darker. Colder. Smaller. Like it were closing him in until finally he broke.

He didn't know where else to turn so he went the only place he could think of - to Molly and Arthur Weasley.

He turned up on their doorstep late one night with tears in his eyes and panicked breath in his lungs.

It's Molly who answers the door, her and Arthur had been sitting at the dining room table as the kids were upstairs readying for bed. She didn't ask any questions, neither did Arthur, she simply wrapped him in a tight hug. Not the typical bone crushing Molly Weasley hug, there was a hesitancy behind it, but still tight enough to reassure him everything would be okay.

Draco froze at first unsure of how to respond before his arms wrapped tightly around the Woman who'd silently been looking out for him for all these years and finally let himself feel the hurt.

He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a Mother. The full weight of everything he had endured seemed to fall upon him as Mrs Weasley held him close to her.

She held him a little tighter while he cried - as if trying to squeeze the broken pieces of his soul back together, if even for a moment.

Draco loved his Mother, truly he did, but the embrace from Molly felt different. Warmer. More intimate than any moment had with Narsissa.

Yes, she loved her son dearly but Narsissa Malfoy were never an affectionate woman. Her proud and proper appearance which she worked so hard to maintain often cast a cold shadow - typical to that of a Malfoy, he hadn't realised just how much it had affected him until this moment.

When his breathing became a little less radical and the sobs started to quiet Arthur ushered the pair from the doorway.

Molly held a firm hand to his back as she directed him to the table and with a flick of her wand conjured the kettle to a boil.

He sat at the table drawing long slow breaths as they spoke and he explained why he arrived on their door unannounced at such a time.

The new voice in the house had carried upstairs luring the other occupants from their place.

Bill, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione now all stood off from the kitchen gawking at the scene in front of them. A Malfoy at the Burrow. And crying for that matter.

They couldn't help the daggers pointed from behind their eyes, after all; they may have been kind to him and understood why they needed to be, but even in his growth they still didn't trust him, and to say they cared for him would be a stretch seeing the level of abuse they were forced to endure with no retaliation or even an apology for that matter. Really all it were from the children was pitty and the ability to put up with him. In time, however, they would grow to trust him and consider him a friend.

Molly prepared a room where he then stayed the night and through till the next.

When Lucius found out where he was he'd appeared ropeable. There were nothing anyone could do to calm him as his wrath met a peak which could have rivalled that of the Dark Lord. Not only had Draco abandoned his family in the dead of the night but he'd run directly into the arms of those who he despised most ardently.

He stormed the Burrow that night, Narsissa and Bellatrix in tow.

The residents within the Burrow had just finished dinner and were casually chatting, engaging in light shared laughter - even Draco wore a smile, never knowing that a meal between family could be so pleasant. As the unmistakable crack of apparation sounded from outside, all heads shifted to gaze out the kitchen window wondering who it could be. They'd all assumed a member of the Order - how wrong they were.

Lucius strode confidently toward the house before stopping short. He stood tall and proud in the path, rage evident through his posture alone.

Narsissa were beside him, but still a step behind - she seemed more secure in her emotions, still proud but calmer; though surely meant in good standing it gave one the impression of a predator lulling its prey into a false sense of security before striking.

Bellatrix meanwhile stood on his otherside comically striding and prancing about as she pleased taking great joy in what were about to unfold.

Some at the table turned their attention worriedly to Draco who swallowed thickly at his Families sudden presence. Others stared fixedly at the blonde man within the garden amazed they'd ever show their face here.

Molly took a hand to Dracos arm reassuringly as Arthur stood from the table and walked from the door, Molly would soon follow.

Tentatively Arthur spoke the angered man's name who merely sneered and shouted for his son to come to him.

Lucius refused to step a foot across their threshold, not that Molly or Arthur or any member of the family ever would have let him had he tried.

Draco stood now with his back pressed against the farthest wall of the Burrows kitchen panicking, watching as Fred, George and Bill left to be with their parents. Draco knew he'd have to face him sooner or later, he'd just hoped, or rather prayed, it'd be later.

Harry and Ron were the next to join the scene unfolding in the front yard as Hermione sheilded Ginny in the kitchen.

When Draco finally and cautiously stepped out to face his Father everyone had their wands drawn in statement.

Molly and Arthur came to stand in front of him with their free hands splayed across infront of him; as if in a car seconds before it's crash and they were bracing for the impact.

Lucius threw demands at his son in the same threatening tone he'd learned long ago to obey.

"You don't have to do what he says he can't hurt you. You are not like him" Arthur says over his shoulder. Draco found himself involuntarily taking small steps back from his Father and towards the house. When Lucius drew his wand further the Weasleys; Bill, Fred, George, Harry and Ron stood defensively before him with their wands drawn high further shielding Draco from his view.

Dracos breath were rapid as he watched on, wand gripped in his hand but no real idea what he'd do were he to react. Who'd he fire against. His instincts were telling him one thing while his heart and mind screamed for another.

"He is my Son" Lucius growled.

"Who we've been trying to protecting from you." Snapped Fred "and that's not the way families are meant to be. They shouldn't need to be protected from." Followed George, pulling Dracos eyes to the pair, who straightened themselves to stand taller at the words, and along with them pulled his knowing of what were right.

Lucius continues to threaten the family, over the sound of Bellatrix's cackling laughter, until a voice carries over the scene. Narsissa speaking two simple words in a soft tone; "Draco. Come".

Everyone's attention is on the pair as they watch Draco take hesitant steps past the Weasleys, who gawk at him, his head is bowed ashamedly. But he stops short.

Casting his eyes up to unfortunately meet his Fathers, whose face holds a vastly different expression to his Mothers soft and confident one. One of poorly veiled anger and disgust. That one he knows all too well.

Draco swallows thickly head turning to gaze at the Redheaded family in his peripheral - a decision being made.

He straightens himself, uttering a single word; "Leave."

The man in front of him scoffs before warning him. He gives a final opportunity to change his mind but his loyalty doesn't falter.

What happens next is faster than lightning. Lucius flicks his wand to curse his Son but Dracos disarmed it before he can finish the action. Three jets of red light fly from behind the boy, two knock Lucius square in the chest as another finds Bellatrix: Fred, George and Harry had sent stunning spells at those whom were armed.

Lucius struggled to stand but managed with an effort from his wife, a final threatening glare and warning yelled to the boy; "You choose them. Then you will die like them as well - painful and bloody." he disowns his Son and then leaves in a swirl of black smoke with his wife, whose face shows nothing but shock and fallen tears, close behind.

Bellatrix remains for a moment glaring at the boy who is now surrounded by people staring just as menacingly back at her. She leaves by apparation.

After that night, everything had changed.

When the Battle finally came Dracos allegiance had been made clear.

There were only one side he'd cared about. One side he'd fought with. One family he fought for. And it were not the dishonourable and ashamed house of Malfoy.

-bonus-

On the night Lucius and the others arrived at the Burrow, Molly had been the first to approach Draco. He wasn't crying or angry but confused. Confused at the numbness that over took him. At the sense of relief that flooded his body as he watched his Father disappear into the night.

Molly had spoken assuredly to him that everything would be okay and that they would care for him.

Returning to the home the family retired to the lounge room, by the fire with mugs of tea or hot chocolate or glasses of their preferred beverage between their palms, it were relatively quiet amongst the group in the wake of all that had occurred. Until George spoke.

"So, Mum has officially adopted you." Various agreeable murmers and head nods filled the room, "guess that leaves only one thing left to do..." "what?" Draco asks confused and a little concernedly.

"Fix that mop of hair of yours" Fred piped. "I'll get the red hair dye." He calmly set his glass down standing from his place as Dracos eyes go wide and he frantically scanned the room.

"I'll hold him down!" Ginny, Ron and Harry jumped up at once.

It were all good fun until Molly put an end to it sending a rolled up newspaper round the room with a flick of her wand speaking "You'll. Do. No. Such. Thing!"

"Blimey Woman, relax. It was just a joke!" George defended. "Not really" Fred whispers to Draco throwing a wink his way as he polishes off the last of his Whiskey.

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy headcanon #harry potter #hp imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy au

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goldenkamuyhunting · 3 years

Note

The sad news of Kentaro Miura's death have shaken the world of manga (and I dare say of comic books or even pop culture). I was wondering how do you think his masterpiece, Berserk, compares to Golden Kamuy and if an influence of sorts of the former can somehow be found in the latter. The theme of ambition is certainly there, as the topos of the tough and scary main character briken by trauma but with a heart of gold. What do you think?

Well...

I honestly wouldn't compare the two because to me they're two very different works although both are seinen who won the Tezuka Osamu Cultural Prize.

"Berserk" was monthly first then semimonthly, "Golden Kamuy" is weekly, which might seems irrelevant but the release date affect the pacing of the story greatly.

"Berserk" belongs to the Dark Fantasy genre while "Golden Kamuy" is an Historical manga, which means the authors have to worry about completely different things when crafting their story which allows them to pursue their themes in different ways.

Even the way the manga are structured is different, although both have many characters, "Berserk" for a long time has tended to focus the most on Guts, while GK shows itself to be a coral work from very early on.

There are some things that are similar, war, ambition, wish for a place to belong, trauma, but exactly because one is a dark fantasy while the other is historical, they're handled very differently.

In a dark fantasy you can view situations as metaphorical, in real life no one can experience "the eclipse" the way Guts and Caska do or sacrifice people to the God Hand's "apostles" the way Griffith does, but such situations can stand for real life experiences if you're willing to engage in the text as such, you might even enjoy how it's tinged in themes that reminds Nietzsche's ideas... or you can keep distance from it and just view it as a dark fantasy in which there are monsters that do terrible things to the humans and that need to be destroyed but none of this will happen in the real world so you can just enjoy the ride.

In an historical manga the experiences of the characters are things many people experience in real life. The Russo-Japanese war happened and, while now wars are more 'modern', there are things that still are the same. Sugimoto's experiences during the war, his coming back from it psychologically scarred are things that happened to tons of men, an experience that will continue being done as long as war exist. It's more difficult to keep distance, because even if the characters are fictionals most of what is mentioned is so very real it's easier it pushes you to think.

Mind you, I'm not saying this to say one is better than the other, just to say the two are so very different it doesn't seem fair to compare them.

In their genres I think they're both very good works, very solid and well studied, which tackle strong themes but in different ways and that the reader of one might not necessarily like the other but that they both deserve to be read.

"Berserk" is what I consider to be a classic in the manga world, "Golden Kamuy" is too new to be considered a classic but I expect it to become one.

Did "Berserk" get to influence "Golden Kamuy"?

Berserk started in 1989 (LOL, I've been reading it from 1996, it was a lifetime ago... I even watched the first anime series and brought the cd... "Forces" is still one of the songs I love the most), which places it close to "Hokuto no Ken" (which started in 1983) and "JoJo no Kimyō na Bōken" (which started in 1987) while GK is comparatively a newborn, as it started in 2014. We know Noda referenced both "Hokuto no Ken" and "JoJo". Right now I can't remember him mentioning "Berserk" (but it can be he did) and we don't know how old Noda is but I think there's a chance those are works he grew up with and if you grow up with something that's on this level of good, chances are it will directly or indirectly influence you.

So yes, it's definitely possible Miura's work influenced Noda, but as we can't know for sure it's hard to say.

The tough and scary main character briken by trauma but with a heart of gold is a common trope in storyteling but honestly, although Guts and Sugimoto live some similar experiences, to me they look as very different characters.

Guts had a tragic birth, as his mother was hung while she was pregnant and he was found by a slightly insane woman under her hanging body. His adoptive mother loves him but dies of illness, his adoptive father is a monster who mistreates him and sells him out to another man while Guts is desperate for his love. After he kils his adoptive father he continues to live alone as a mercenary untill he'll stumble into Griffith who'll force him to join him.

Sugimoto is instead for most of his youth a normal boy who lives a normal life with his beloved family and his friends and would have continued to live a normal life hadn't his family died due to sickness whcih caused him too to be ostracized. As a result Sugimoto does a couple of bad but understandable choices which lead him to lose Umeko to Toraji. He ends up in Tokyo, accepts to work for Kikuta and ultimately decides to join the army.

Of course the stories of both characters progress but they'll keep on progressing in different ways.

Sugimoto's life isn't a bowl of cherries but, compared to Guts' is litterally heaven on earth.

After the Eclipse Guts will become bitter, when Guts met Puck he cares little about how the citizens will be killed, all he wants is to deal with the Snake Lord. He doesn't want companions, he doesn't want to be touched, he's a ball of rage and desperation.

Sugimoto will never reach this level of bitterness, rage or desperation. Although he becomes more murder prone he never deliberately sacrifices innocents for his goal, he remains friendly and when he keeps other away is to protect them.

Again this is not about who of the two is better.

As main characters they're both awesome and they both will make you suffer a lot for them... but in very different ways.

So, long story short, I think both Miura and Noda did an awesome work with their masterpieces but that "Berserk" and "Golden Kamuy" are ultimately very different and wouldn't do justice to neither to compare them.

To who has gotten curious about it, "Berserk" is one of the manga I find is a MUST READ, however it comes with some warning as not only it's a seinen, therefore a work for adults, but it's very explicit in showing sex and violence RIGHT FROM THE FIRST PAGE, and that includes scenes of rape, monsters and situations worth of a horror story and other terrible things, so it's definitely not for soft hearted.

The art is beautiful and detailed, albeith dark but this fits with how "Berserk" has often a dark atmosphere (lighter scenes often have lighter art), the characters are well studied and there are strong themes. As said before you can find in it references to Nietzsche and his philosophy which makes for interesting points to ponder.

For me the story started to get really cool around the end of Vol 3, with the beginning of the Golden Age but there's who loved it from the start.

So... hum... sorry, this isn't exactly the analysis you wanted but I still hope it can be of some interest to read it.

Thank you for your ask!

#Sugimoto Saichi #Ask

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ahiddenpath · 3 years

Link

This video populated on my Youtube suggestions, and I enjoyed it! Give it a watch!

Tangled is... probably my favorite Disney movie? No, wait, my favorite movie is The Emperor’s New Groove, which is also Disney, so second favorite. Anyway, I wanted to talk a little about media portraying emotional abuse, so I’m tossing more below the cut.

Tangled is a fun movie with some beautiful visuals, so like... You don’t need to have a particular longing to see characters escape emotionally abusive environments and flourish to enjoy it. It’s a solid flick!

But you guys have probably picked up that my childhood was... Well, I relate hard to Disney’s Rapunzel and Cinderella. (I’m specifically talking about the Disney characters, not the folklore characters. There are a zillion versions of Cinderella, in particular, and some of them take on a trickster archetype that is separate from the Disney film).

One of the reasons Tangled is so great is that... It’s so difficult to explain emotional abuse to other people. Any one thing that Mother Gothel says could be forgiven, an unfortunate slip from a stressed parent on a bad day. The problem is that everything Mother Gothel says to Rapunzel comes back to her goal of keeping Rapunzel trapped in the tower, so that Gothel can continue to use her healing powers. Mother Knows Best is such a great, accessible way to explain to people what living with emotional abuse is like.

If a parent punches a child, others can potentially see the mark. But how can a child explain that a parent cuts them down and manipulates them every time they open their mouth? Even if someone sees it happening, they might assume it’s just a bad attempt at a joke, or a single moment of a parent losing control and saying something nasty. Obviously, and unfortunately, children don’t always get help for physical abuse. But emotional abuse is much harder to explain, especially as a kid who might think this is normal from sheer familiarity. And being unable to explain it can make it harder to express your need for help, and to receive help, especially if the abuser is a family member.

One of the reasons Tangled tends to be better received by modern audiences than Cinderella is because Rapunzel leaves the tower, despite Gothel’s lies meant to intimidate Rapunzel into staying. Audiences prefer characters who exhibit agency, which can be external (Rapunzel decides to leave the tower against Gothel’s orders) or internal (Rapunzel realizes that Mother Gothel has been lying to her, and rejects those lies, despite 18 years of conditioning to accept them).

In contrast, I’ve heard many complaints that Disney’s Cinderella never tries to escape, and that when she does, it’s because a man with money and status saved her. In reality, Cinderella maintains her internal agency by knowing she’s being mistreated and keeping her eyes on her dreams of a happy life. She makes an attempt at external agency by asking to attend the ball, which is foiled by her step family destroying the dress her animal friends completed for her while Cinderella did more last-minute chores assigned to prevent her from completing the dress. At this point, the Fairy God Mother is introduced to provide her with a chance to leave the house. When Cinderella attends the ball, her personal merits (her kindness, her personality, her beauty) draw external help to her.

Cinderella’s abuse is more straight-forward than Rapunzel’s. Her family doesn’t need to “trick” her into staying; they force it by denying her resources and destroying all avenues for escape. In contrast, Rapunzel has something Gothel needs- if Gothel wants Rapunzel to sing for her, then she has to maintain some semblance of an actual relationship with her. Plus, if Rapunzel ever does head into the royal town, she will likely be recognized, since she looked exactly like the queen. Cinderella’s step family is aware that Cinderella is kind and beautiful, and will likely attract the attention of suitors who could wish to marry her, which would rob them of their maid/punching bag.

While Rapunzel’s abuse is more discreet, meaning she might not suffer as much as Cinderella day-to-day, it’s that much harder to escape from, since Mother Gothel does have to maintain some semblance of a mother/daughter bond to keep Rapunzel strung along. Cinderella’s family just has to keep her locked in the house and frightened enough to obey, which is terrible for Cinderella, but does remove confusion over what she’s going through.

Obviously, my goal here isn’t to decide who “had it worse”; I’m just interested in how abuse can differ from case to case. Abuse like Rapunzel’s is so difficult to explain, even as an adult, because it’s impossible to show people living outside of your household what it’s like to live there, day after day, flinching every time the abuser opens their mouth, knowing it’s going to hurt- and knowing that you can’t do anything about it, except to connect yourself to the outside world as much as possible and tell yourself that what is being said to you by an abuser is not true.

ANYWAY TANGLED IS A REALLY IMPORTANT MOVIE! I’m so glad it exists to show kids what emotional abuse can look like, and what to do (get outside help and don’t stop believing what you know is true). And please remember that escaping abuse is terribly difficult, and recovery is often a life-long, deliberate process.

#emotional abuse #tangled #cinderella

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outerbankslut · 4 years

Text

Sorry... Pope Heyward

Summary • After a fight between the Kooks and the Pogues you go to your friends to apologise but Pope’s not having it.

Warnings • Swearing? Maybe but I can’t remember and I cba to go back through. Mentions of violence (in the fight). If there’s anything else let me know :) JJ smoking as usual.

Word Count • 1.7k (Imagine)

Masterlist

(GIF isn’t mine, let me know if it’s yours)

THE NOISES OF the cars engine knocked you out of your daze as you drove down the paved, sweltering streets of outer banks. The houses you passed a second ago were filled with perfectly trimmed bushes, the building decked in marble and stone with backyards for miles and a pool to finish it off. Whereas the houses you passed now were smaller and wooden, looking fragile almost. Lots of the yards were messier and lazier but they didn't have personal gardeners or the time nor money to do it themselves generally. It made your heart clench as you thought about how just a mile back you were living luxuriously while people over here slaved away to earn everything they owned. They weren't handed it like you were.

You were on your way to the cut to see your friends. But not for a casual hangout. You needed to see if they were okay. After the events of the night before you couldn't be sure what happened after you left.

Rafe has been involved in a fight between all the Pogues including you. No surprise there. He’d been the instigator of it all. It had broken out just you were all planning to leave and then the Cameron boy and the rest of his country club friends came over and joined in somehow finding fun in hitting and punching people due to the entitlement blinding their eyes from the truth that they were the same. Well maybe not personality wise in any way at all. But you were all human beings and yet you were pitted against each other from the day you were born. Only some succumbed to the amounting pressure of their kook or pogue parents to stay away from the other side others realised how petty and stupid it was.

It was always like a scene from west side story when the two groups were mixed and it never ended well. It usually left you to pick up the pieces of their messes. Or any mess of your brothers really. It had always been you. You taking responsibility for anything he did. Whilst he would go disappear and sniff a few lines before making his triumphant return you would be mending what he broke or taking the blame. Being younger than him didn't help with him manipulating you as a child. Rafe broke a vase and suddenly you broke the vase. Rafe stole money from dad since he blew his allowance on coke and alcohol and instead you stole the money. It had always been that way and by now you were used to being left in the wake of your brothers tyranny.

You always felt responsible no matter what happened. The events of last night where stuck in your mind like super glue and the guilt was filling up your lungs. It wasn't your fault. But at the same time it was. You didn't stop your brother, you let your friends get hurt by him. And they must hate you. Probably wish you'd never been let into their group.

The tires of your car screeched to a halt beside the Twinkie which occupied the space outside of the chateau. It was eerily quiet until you stepped out onto the grassy and muddy ground and heard muffled laughter from inside the wooden walls of the small fish shack. You could smell the after effects of a joint wafting through the air. No doubt it was JJ.

Once you entered the chateau the small creak of the screen door was enough to gain the attention of all the Pogues who glanced up at your presence. Only then did you see what was leftover from the fight last night. Kie looked at you with a small smile but you could see the light grazing on her cheeks and her hands that held the wooden neck of a ukulele. But yet she still seemed happy to see you. And then JJ who sent you a lazy smile as he inhaled more of the joint between his bruised knuckled fingers and the smoke covered his purple and yellow and green painted face but only for a second. Then John B who held a beer in his hands but you could see the blood surrounding his split lip and small cut above his black eye.

None noticed your small frown or look of quilt swarming you except from Pope who stared intensely and lingered on the downturning of your lips as you turned and caught his gaze. You could see the small cut beneath his chin and no doubt just like the John B and JJ he accumulated bruises on his stomach or arms. But he was wearing his shirt buttoned up whereas JJ laid shirtless and John B stood with his shirt open.

It hurt you the most seeing Pope. The multiple bruises and cuts adorning his normally smooth and unharmed skin. They were because of you. When Pope moved in front of you stopping you from receiving the backhand Rafe sent your way as you berated him to stop. He was the reason you weren't hurt. And you were the reason he was hurt.

Pope looked at you oddly as you just stood there letting out a sigh.

"Y/N?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in question. When you didn't answer again he stood up and walked over to you where you stood with your hands threaded together and rubbing in anticipation. "What's wrong?"

"I-I wanted to apologise to you last night."

The rest of the Pogues had turned their attention to you, JJ even stopped smoking for a second to listen. Your eyes were down trained on the wooden flooring as you spoke. Popes furrowed brows deepened as he looked at you slightly bewildered that you thought you needed to apologise.

"I'm sorry he hurt you guys. It was all my fault and I should have stopped him but I didn't." You let out a dry chuckle. "All of you got hurt and yet I'm perfectly fine." You shook you head and sighed. "But I'm really sorry."

Despite the nice welcoming from your friends you still had the deep rooted fear they would hate you after last night but the looks on their faces held sadness or confusion rather than anger or disdain.

Pope had seen you do this before with the group. Whether it be a Pogue and Kook fight or just a small thing when he'd been around your house, like accepting responsibility when Rafe forgot to pick Wheezie up from her ballet class or the time when you'd apologised profusely for Rafes mistreatment of JJ at his job at the country club. But most of those times he'd believed it to be a small courtesy of just being related to the problem or saying it like when you say you're sorry for someone's loss but it wasn’t like that with you. At least not this time.

You were apprehensive to look up to meet his but when you did you saw the boy let out a small scoff and you were ready for him to yell at you to leave and never come back.

"God! Stop apologising for other people! You're not the shitty one!" The Heyward boy exclaimed blowing a fuse which surprised everyone when Pope was normally the calm and collected one. Not all the time. But most.

And he wasn’t angry towards you but toward Rafe and even the smallest notion that what he did laid on your shoulders. You simply blinked in his direction not sure what to say at his outburst.

"Pope—" You started saying before you were cut off by the boy throwing his hands in the air.

"No I can't take it any longer. I can't watch you blame yourself and apologise for the punches Rafe throws or the shitty things he does. He's a bad person and you are not him. I don't give a damn if he's your brother, okay? Y/N you've never done anything wrong in your life and yet you keep apologising for everything he does. It's not your fault. I'll tell you a million—scratch that a billion times if I have to."

And once again you blinked but this time blinking away the glossy liquid in your eyes hoping to clear your vision. It was a different feeling having someone tell you it wasn't your fault for once. Popes eyes stared passionately towards you as you held his stare. You felt comforted just the the deep ebony colours of his eyes that focused on you.

"I still left you guys though after. I didn't stay and help." You told them and Kiara stood quickly, abandoning the instrument on the couch and placing a hand on your arm. You felt yourself sniffling. Pope moved his hand as well but lightly placed it in your own moving his fingers over your palm in circles soothingly. Letting you know he was there. Pope and you had definitely always been the closest in the group. If you ever needed someone Pope was always there. Whether it was someone to cry on or rant to, he was always there. And he definitely cared a lot about you as you did him.

"Hey, Y/N. You still tried to help us. That’s what counts. And we get it was overwhelming. We don't have to deal with psycho brothers. No offence." Kie spoke softly and you chuckled lightly at her comment through small tears that you were quick to wipe away.

"Yeah, Rafe is his own person and technically an adult he can take responsibility for his own shit." JJ spoke as he stood from his space on the couch joined by John B behind him.

"I still don't understand how the two of you are even related."

You shrugged a small smile growing on your lips that Pope noticed. "Me and Sarah both wonder that. A lot."

They all let out small laughs before Pope pulled you in for a hug and you nestled your head into his shoulder at his warm and enticing hold. He smelt of musk with small hints of aftershave and salt water. But most of all he smelt of home. Somewhere that would always be inviting and your one true solace from the world.

Note • Got my writing mojo back, kinda. And I used a prompt for this which helped a lot as well maybe too much. But uh so funny story I said it could make a cute blurb and one thing leads to another and I’ve written 1.7k words oopsies. I rambled too much and it’s trash and it’s also 2am so forgive me. But I need help I write too much unnecessary details in my fics and it makes it so long and probably boring. Anyway it’s✨trash✨but I hope maybe you enjoyed.

Join My Tag List Here • @starlightstarkey @rafecameron @starksweasleymain @jjsredhat @scandalousfemale @sguymon21 @bricksatanakinswindow @futuretaxcheat @wannabeslut @ad-infinitums @outrebanx @pit-zuh @pankowrudeth @jiaraendgame @outerbanksbro @copper-boom @alternativehp @brie-gr3y

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some-lists · 4 years

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All the Disney Princesses Ranked From Worst to Best.

(Sorry, no Vanellope.)

14. Merida

I know Merida has really badass archery skills. She’s also outspoken, strong willed, and clever. But she’s still my least favorite princess. I just didn’t like her. Maybe it’s the fact that she wanted to change her mom. And she actually went through with it. Of course, she didn’t actually know what was going to happen, and the journey brought them closer together. She grew as a character and that’s good. But just seeing her disrespect her mother, especially publicly in front of all the clans, is hard to watch. It doesn’t help that I thought Brave was one of Pixar’s weaker movies and essentially Brother Bear all over again.

13. Anna

Not gonna lie. I hate Anna. She’s so damn pushy and combative. I know, it’s all her parents’ fault. All of it. But still. She doesn’t listen to Elsa at all. She pushes and pushes triggering Elsa’s ice outbursts, which become more visible as they build along with her anxiety. Every uncontrolled “accident” Elsa has in the first film is because Anna didn’t listen to her. Of course, she also didn’t listen to Elsa’s warning about marrying Hans either. She foolishly left the kingdom in the hands of an outsider, someone she didn’t even know.

She definitely shows improvement in the second film. She becomes more sensitive towards Elsa’s feelings and her powers. She’s also very loyal and brave, risking her life for Elsa, yet again. She’s still very clingy and desperate for people’s love. It manifests in her fear of losing Elsa and Kristoff. I do not like her humor or awkwardness. I don’t find them relatable, but rather annoying. But I do appreciate that those insecurities are real and that’s what makes her more relatable. Her relationships with the other characters, especially Olaf, is what saves her from being last on my list.

12. Tiana

There’s nothing wrong Tiana. I think she’s great. She’s hardworking, determined, and a realist. Those are great qualities that I’m glad Disney decided to focus on too. The downside of this is that she comes across as rather boring. The film relies on other more colorful characters to bring the personality and charm. I think that’s a shame. She also suffers from starring in a weaker film.

11. Aurora

I like Aurora. What little we see of her anyway. We can tell by the way she interacts with the fairies, woodland creatures, and Prince Philip that she’s smart, sweet, shy, kind, cautious. She’s a dreamer, but not foolish. It’s too bad we didn’t get to see more of her.

10. Snow White

Snow White, in my opinion, does not get the respect she deserves. Was she stupid to take that apple from the very obviously evil hag? Yes, she was. But people have forgotten all about the really great qualities she possessed too. When she walked into the dwarfs’ cottage, it was a disgusting, unlivable nightmare. The dwarfs were pigs. They didn’t clean their home or themselves. They bickered all the time. Snow White changed all of that. She created order where there was disorder. And she didn’t do it alone. She delegated chores to each of the animals and made sure they did them right. That’s some managerial skills! She got a bunch of unruly little men to wash, sleep at a decent time, and behave. That’s authority. Those are some real life skills I wish I had more of. Yes, she cooked, cleaned, and sewed, but Snow White wasn’t a servant. She was in charge.

9. Cinderella

Like Snow White, Cinderella has gotten a bad rap over time, but I will defend Cinderella anytime anywhere. Those who say she “needed a prince to save her” lack compassion and are completely missing the point. Cinderella was a young woman who was abused by what family she had left. At a young age she experienced loss, grief, then neglect and emotional abuse. But Cinderella was resilient. That abuse didn’t stop her and it didn’t change her. She could’ve become mean, bitter, and jealous. She could’ve continued the cycle of abuse like her stepsisters. But Cinderella didn’t allow their mistreatment to define her. She remained kind, empathetic, patient, humble, and hardworking. She also didn’t allow herself to become a victim. She didn’t mope or give up on herself. When the ball was announced, she worked hard and believed she would go. When she got help from the fairy godmother, she accepted it and rocked that ball gown. She didn’t go to the ball to be rescued. She went because she wanted to, and she did. Moral of the story is do not let others’ treatment of you determine who you are or what you’re worth. Cinderella had awesome inner strength.

8. Ariel

I will admit that as an adult, Ariel’s appeal fades. She made really bad choices and sacrificing her voice for a boy is a terrible message to sell to kids. But for a 5 year old girl, only two things mattered. She was a mermaid and she could sing. The Little Mermaid kick started Disney’s renaissance and set a new precedent for its movies. Unlike previous princesses, Ariel was the first princess full of life, passion, and adventure. She had an exciting and lovable personality and a Broadway singing voice. Credit goes to Jodi Benson for bringing Ariel to life and the writers for getting the world to fall in love with her. She made a huge impression (hello, mermaid craziness everywhere!), even if she was a total idiot teenager.

7. Jasmine

What’s great about Jasmine is she can see through people’s BS and she doesn’t put up with it. She isn’t impressed by the superficial suitors that come her way. She stands up to Jafar. She catches on pretty immediately that Prince Ali is actually Aladdin. She sings like Lea Salonga, Disney and Broadway legend, and she has a pet tiger. What’s not to love?

6. Pocahontas

Pocahontas was the first Disney princess to not go after her dreams, but instead chose family, community, duty, loyalty. That’s incredibly mature and selfless. She taught a racist, arrogant, ignorant man to love and respect others different from him. She followed her intuition, was one nature, and dove off cliffs. The only minus is falling for John Smith over Kokoam. I don’t know what she was thinking!

5. Moana

Moana is not qualified for her mission. She has no experience and no skills required for sailing across the sea, finding Maui, and defeating a lava monster. But it’s her purpose. She was chosen. So she sets out and figures it out along the way. That’s an inspiring example. It’s not until the end that we find out why she was chosen. She sees Te Ka for who she truly is. Te Fiti. The image above is one of the most powerful moments in all of Disney’s films.

4. Rapunzel

Similar to Cinderella, Rapunzel has been abused throughout her childhood. IMO, Rapunzel had it worse because she believed Mother Gothel was her mother. Their relationship was nonstop manipulation, infantilization, and gaslighting. But Rapunzel was brave enough to go after what she wanted and smart enough to find a way to do it. On top of that, she was creative and artistic, incredibly strong from years of hauling Mother Gothel up the tower, and had magical hair with healing powers. In the end, she does what we didn’t get to see in Cinderella. She stands up for herself and confronts her abuser. She’s a real survivor and victor.

3. Belle

I love Belle because she is a true introvert and a true individual. She’s not very social, doesn’t gossip, doesn’t fawn over Gaston, doesn’t follow the townsfolk’s way of life. She literally just does her own thing. For that, she’s misunderstood and judged by the village. I think that’s very relatable. But she’s also intelligent, curious, adventurous, honorable (she keeps her promise to stay with the Beast), and stands up to the Beast when he’s out of line. She’s the only one that truly challenges the Beast and he grows because of it. And she saves him.

2. Mulan

Similar to Belle, Mulan is a bit of an outcast, because she’s individualistic in a society that values conformity. She’s socially awkward, clumsy, but brave. That bravery saves her father and all of China. She’s a true badass warrior.

1. Elsa

Elsa is technically not a princess, but a queen. She still counts and she tops my list. Out of all the Disney princesses, she is the most real and fully developed. She’s beautiful, kind, brave, strong, but also very flawed. Many people have identified with Elsa in different ways because her flaws are so real and so relatable. The LGBTQ community has adopted her as a symbol of their own. For me personally, I see a mental health issue. I think she’s a highly sensitive person with anxiety. Her ice powers are a beautiful symbol for that anxiety and the struggle over her mental health. Her journey to accept herself for who she is, to embrace herself for who she is, and to find her place in a world that deems her different is truly beautiful and empowering.

#disney #disney princesses #disney ariel #little mermaid #beauty and the beast #aurora #sleeping beauty #cinderella #snow white #jasmine #pocahontas #disney mulan #princess tiana #rapunzel #merida #pixar brave #frozen #queen elsa #disney moana

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mikeo56 · 4 years

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If you believe in democracy, if you believe in science, if you believe in justice and workers' rights, well...you can just hold your breath

1. Donald Trump is, at his core, an authoritarian leader who does not believe in democracy.

In a democracy we can and will have strong differences of opinion on issues. As you well know, there are ideological disputes within the Democratic Party, and there are certainly very major differences between Democrats and Republicans, progressives, moderates and conservatives. But, up until the Trump administration, no president (except for Obama, Bush, Bush, Clinton, Reagan and many others) has ever undermined the very tenets of American democracy and tried to move us into an authoritarian society.

No president has ever suggested delaying an election because he is behind in the polls. No president has ever stated that he might not voluntarily leave office and accept the results of an election. No president has ever viciously discredited and undermined the election process warning, without fact, of massive voter fraud. Trump's admiration for authoritarianism becomes apparent as he has ruptured our relationships with long-time democratic allies around the world while embracing right-wing authoritarian leaders in Russia, Hungary, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, the Philippines and elsewhere.

(No people have ever been stupid enough and apathetic enough to elect such a piece of brainless pigshit.)

2. Donald Trump does not understand or respect the Constitution of the United States. (and most cops swear an oath to it having never read it with no clue what’s in it.)

Donald Trump, emulating demagogues throughout history, believes that he is above the law and need not follow the dictates of the Constitution. He was impeached because he has shown absolute contempt for Congress and the separation of powers. He has waged an unprecedented war against the concept of a free press and "fake news," and has repeatedly referred to the media as "an enemy of the people." He has violated the right of Americans to peacefully protest and is "normalizing" the use of federal agents to patrol and make arrests of American citizens in communities throughout the country.

3. Donald Trump is a pathological liar. ( - welcome to America, Bernie!)

We cannot have anything resembling a stable government when we have a president who lies all of the time and when nothing he says can be trusted. According to a recent report, he has made more than 20,000 false or misleading statements since he has been president.

4. Donald Trump does not believe in science. (And neither does many other politicians and many Americans...US of Duh!)

From the first days of the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump has rejected the advice of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and our leading scientists, which has led to the unnecessary deaths of tens of thousands of Americans and the highest per capita death rate of any major country.

And, as he's done for years, Trump continues to ignore the scientific community when it comes to the existential threat of climate change. Instead of transforming our energy system away from fossil fuel, he has pushed policies which result in more carbon emissions.

5. Donald Trump's policies benefit his billionaire friends, while attacking the needs of working families. (He’s had a lot of help from both sides of the aisle)

During his 2016 campaign Trump claimed that he would stand with the working class and "drain the swamp." He lied. He has appointed more billionaires to important positions than any other president in history while giving massive tax breaks to the very rich and large corporations. At a time of obscene income and wealth inequality, he continues to try to throw over 20 million Americans off the health insurance they already have, and do away with protections for pre-existing conditions. While the rich become much richer, his budgets have repeatedly called for huge cuts in Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, education and nutrition programs.

6. Donald Trump is a racist. (- Donald and about half of America)

From the start of his 2016 campaign, until today, he has tried to divide us up based on the color of our skin or where we were born. He has strongly supported voter suppression efforts which make it harder for African Americans to vote, and consistently made ugly and disparaging remarks against African American leaders. Recently, he bragged about an executive order which makes it harder for minority families to move into the suburbs.

7. Donald Trump is a xenophobe. (Trump is many things that could be described with a psychiatric multisyllabic term. You should have left it at racist.)

Trump has tried, as all demagogues do, to demonize immigrants and blame them for society’s problems. He has used hateful and disgraceful rhetoric to try to dehumanize an entire group of people, and has used the power of the federal government to mistreat and terrorize immigrants at the border and in our communities.

8. Donald Trump is a sexist. (I think I would have mentioned Trump’s recent get-free-soon card to Ghislane Maxwell alongside some pictures of the bastard with his dumbfuck daughter in his lap.)

Not only has Trump led the effort to deny women the right to control their own bodies and defund Planned Parenthood, he has — throughout his adult life — made disparaging and condescending comments about women. It is not surprising that some of his ugliest attacks have been against strong women leaders like Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Carmen Yulín Cruz Soto.

9. Donald Trump is a religious bigot. (- nah, christians are racists, supremacists and conservative and they need him and they are expedient. Donald really doesn't give a fuck about any christians or jews. He’d turn on them like a mad dog, if it suited him.)

One of the first things Trump did after taking office was sign an executive order for the discriminatory Muslim ban to prohibit people from several Muslim-majority countries from traveling to the United States. He has used the office of the presidency to demonize the Muslim community and to try to divide us up based on our religious beliefs.

10. Donald Trump is hostile to the LGBTQ community. (small shaft, so sad)

During his administration, Trump has waged continued assaults on the rights of LGBTQ people. He recently rolled back health protections for transgender people and previously banned them from serving in the military. He has also reversed protections that defend LGBTQ people from discrimination in the workplace and at school.

11. The Democrat Party is the same kind of shit as the Republican Party.

Lying Joe Blow Biden, will enact the same fascist neoliberal anti worker, no health care policies as Trump but because Joe has dementia he’ll keep his mouth shut and won’t embarrass everyone as much. And, of course the useless DNC can and will mindlessly and insanely pretend to be our savior...

12....we’re fucked.

#2020 we're fucked #trump #biden #bullshit #extinction

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daddysfavouriteboytoy · 3 years

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Roméo Valentin Jacquemin

Name: Roméo Valentin Jacquemin Age: 22 Birthday: 17th September Gender: Male Sexuality: Homosexual Ethnic: French Languages spoken: French, English, Spanish, German as well as a bit of Italian, Turkish, Hungarian, Ukrainian and Russian Species: mutated human Appearance: his fingers and lips are tinted a light blue colour (Face-Claim: Alex Puértolas)

Clothing: When he was still living with his parents, he normally would wear grunge clothes. Now, he wears the few things which he brought with him. The only difference to then and now is, that the clothes are pretty torn and quite dirty. Height: 1,89 m Piercings: a lip piercing Tattoos: on his right shoulder blade Scars: He has a big scar which starts on his upper lip and ends on the middle of his cheek, another big one under his right eye which reaches from ear to the bridge of his nose and a third, smaller one on the right side of his neck. All three of them are from his first encounter with the IMCO. Illnesses: Mutation, slight insomnia Personality: To a lot of people’s surprise Roméo is relaxed and warm, with a “live and let live” attitude. Naturally, these trades should make him likeable and popular if it wouldn’t be for his mutations. However, he tries not to let that fact tear him down, instead, he is really good at relating to others’ emotions and helping them to establish harmony. Being so aware of others’ emotions, Roméo uses creativity and insight to come up with bold ideas that speak to people’s hearts. While it’s hard to explain this quality on a resume, this vivid imagination and exploratory spirit help the man in various, unexpected ways. Beneath his shyness beats an intensely feeling heart, as well. When he is caught up in something exciting and interesting, he can leave everything else in the dust. Freedom of expression is often his top priority. Anything that interferes with that, like traditions and hard rules, creates a sense of oppression for the guy. When situations get out of control, he can shut down, losing his characteristic charm and creativity in favour of gnashing teeth. Relationships: Germaine Jacquemin – step-mother; 55 years old; CEO; married; alive Pierre-Marie Jacquemin – father; 58 years old; fashion designer; married; alive Christiane De Saint-Pierre – older half-sister; 31 years old; actress; married; alive Abel Jacquemin – older half-brother; 27 years old; author; married; alive Séraphine – a stray dog which follows Roméo after he shared his food with her once Fears: the IMCO, losing his dogs, a lot of attention/speaking in front of a host of people, being completely alone, being experimented on, touching others Likes: sunflowers, big dogs, peace, frozen yoghurts – no matter the season, plants, classical music as well as punk rock, people treating him like a normal human being, meditation, long walks through the woods, the smell after it rained Dislikes: his family, unfamiliar situations, being compared to his brother, having to hide who he truly is, violence, IMCO, being different, mould, not having enough to eat, traditions Hobbies: urban exploring, swimming, strolling around, climbing on trees, travelling, ice skating Occupation: Thief Housing: abounded House Powers: can control ice, is able to freeze pretty much any liquid, can make it snow very slightly but only five square meters around him, his skin is extremely cold and leaves a thin layer of ice on the things he touches as well as giving others frost bites if they touch it Position: Switch Virgin: Yes Turn-ons: risky places, pet names, scratching, hickeys, foreplay, aftercare Turn-offs: degrading nicknames, golden showers, bad hygiene, being interrupted Other:

never stays too long at one place

his nose starts bleeding heavily whenever he overuses his powers

he sympathises more with animals than humans

is surprisingly good at picking up foreign languages

Backstory:

"Good evening. We are interrupting your regularly scheduled program to declare a state of international emergency. With the information that we've been provided with so far, it is our understanding that a high profile military experiment has gone awry. As a result, untested chemicals of great biohazard risk have been exposed to the environment. We can not provide any further information on the corporation responsible for the leak. Experts from the science field all around the world have come to a consensus on the matter. Evacuation will not be effective. By now the chemicals have contaminated the water supply, the air supply, as well as the food supply. According to the experts, should only affect individuals containing a specific gene found in only 3% of the population. For those individuals, the chemical could cause mutations of unknown proportions. Everyone, please stay calm at this time of mass hysteria, be safe, and be aware of anyone altered by these chemicals." Credit [x]

Roméo was not a planned child, which definitely showed in the way his parents treat him. Already during his first year of living, he was raised by maids, nannies and all the other people his parents paid to take care of him, so they didn’t need to. During his childhood, the rest of his family was also rarely home, his parents always travelled around the world while his brother was occupied by his studies and hobbies. It even went so far that Roméo didn’t even know he had an older brother the first few years of his life. Only when the boy got older his parents slowly stood home for longer periods of time. During those years, Roméo started school and his parents paid private tutors to teach him just the same things as his brother. Unfortunately, their youngest son wasn’t really into those hobbies nor very good at school. Quickly, the two parents began to get annoyed with their child and started to complain about why he couldn’t be as talented as his older brother who seemed to be flawless at everything he did. At first, the blonde spent a lot of time trying to live up to his parents’ expectations and get even better grades than his brother. This way, Roméo spent all of his elementary and middle school years, trying to somehow get the attention and approval of his parents by being the perfect son. Only when the blonde eventually got taught high school stuff, he realized that it was an impossible task. Therefore, he decided to just accept it and ignore his parents just like they ignored him. Roméo joined an ice-skating club which was a few blocks away from his home and nearly always met with internet friends after practise, so he had time to spend as little time as possible at home. It's true to say that Roméo had a somewhat normal and easy life until that threatful day. Some news lady announced the failing of a military experiment and warned people of possible mutations. At first, the blonde boy could only roll his eyes at the news, not believing one word that left her mouth, he thought it was some kind of stupid prank or joke. Well, his thinking changed quite quickly because he soon realized that he was one of the few 3 percents who had this strange gene in them. He changed, no, his body changed. Suddenly his body temperature decreased drastically and his lips, as well as his fingers, turned light-blue. Unfortunately, this was the reason why his parents suddenly paid attention to their unloved son. Now they thought he was an even worse disgrace to their family, then he was already before. After his strange changes, Roméo wasn’t allowed to leave the house anymore and soon he wasn’t even able to touch anyone anymore without leaving frostbites on their skin. His life grew dark and lonely, in a gigantic house without anyone to talk to apart from his private teachers, he couldn’t even use a phone nor a computer without destroying the device. However, Roméo wasn't the only one struggling during this time. When all these unnatural powers and mutations started to pop up it was disturbing the natural balance of the world. While the newly dubbed "mutants" only made up a small portion of the population, they still posed a threat to the safety of society. In response, a task force by the name of IMCO (International Mutant Containment Organisation) was formed, hunting down anyone with the unique gene in order to lock them away from civilisation. Roméo survived a year with the torture of his family and did not go crazy, however, a few months after his 18th birthday, the blonde decided to escape this hellhole. Yet, his parents seemed to somehow have found out about their second son’s plan and informed the IMCO about his existence. Just one day before the young adult could finally flee from the mistreatment of his family, two officers of this organization busted into his room and tried to tackle him on the ground and take him with them. However, for the first time in his life, Roméo decided to fight back, he had enough of being pushed around. Some might have considered this a huge mistake, a certain death sentence even, but for the unloved man, it was the only chance to have at least a slight chance to survive. Although in the heat of the moment, the mutant got badly hurt, he still managed to escape the officers and take a small suitcase with him in which his most important belongings were. However, this fight wasn’t won without sacrifice. Roméo did something he never dared to even think about, he killed a human being. Though it was an accident, he gripped the guy’s throat and unintentionally froze it, resulting in the other’s suffocation. It was a moment he tried to forget or at least suppress ever since. Shortly after his escape, he was only able to focus on one thing by then, surviving on the street. Despite him having stolen a big sum of money from his too rich parents, it was more than obvious that he was a mutant due to his looks. Simultaneously, he was on the run from the IMCO and police. That was also the reason why he left France and travelled the world, not staying anywhere longer than a year, this depended heavily on the size of the country he was currently staying in.

Starter

#mutant oc #ice powers #oc with powers #supernatural oc #oc #gay oc #male oc #homosexual oc

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woodworkingpastor · 3 years

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God helps those who help themselves? -- Romans 5:12-21 -- Sunday, July 11, 2021

Am I a wretch? Pondering Amazing Grace

One of the more important questions that Christian theology raises concerns how we understand our need for salvation: do human beings need to be improved or do we need to be reborn?

This is not a question Brethren tend think a lot about. Because Alexander Mack, Sr. and the others involved at our beginnings were Christians seeking to live more obediently to Jesus’ teachings in a corrupt age, they framed salvation in terms of behavior. Our denominational tagline, Continuing the work of Jesus: Peacefully, Simply, Together—words we placed on the wall of the foyer—communicates something to people who come in to worship; we tend to be a people who focus our thoughts on post-salvation matters.

This is not a bad thing, as part of Jesus’ work involves making disciples: introducing people to Jesus and inviting them to follow. One of the great treasures of Scripture is that it gives us many lenses through which to view the salvation story. We ought to spend some time every now and again with our least favorite lenses to make sure we aren’t overlooking things due to our own bias. For instance, we might have put the phrase “You must be born again” on the wall in the foyer; that would also communicate Biblical truth, but in a different way.

There are other ways to consider this question, though. Let’s consider another example of this—and fair warning, I might be accused of seeing too subtle a distinction here, but let’s give it a try.

Amazing Grace may be the most popular hymn in Christian history, possibly because in those quiet moments when we are forced to deal with our inner thoughts and motives, we do sense both our own fallenness and our own inability to successfully deal with it. But the way Amazing Grace appears in Brethren hymnals tells an interesting story. Let’s begin by singing the first verse out of our blue hymnal:

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

Now let’s sing the first verse out of the red (1951) hymnal:

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound, that saveth men like me! I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

There are two significant differences. The first involves the non-inclusive language in the 1951 hymnal. We simply weren’t thinking about inclusive language in the 1950’s, but it does stand out rather significantly to me.

The main issue concerns the phrases “wretch like me” vs. “men like me.” Do these two phrases communicate the same point? I’m not certain that they do. The problem that I see with the phrase “man like me” is that it allows us to reduce our understanding of sin to an analysis of things we do and things we don’t do. A couple of Sunday’s ago we talked about a different way we misunderstand sin by only measuring the impacts it has on our own lives and ignoring the impact it has on others. When our primary understanding of sin is one of actions and behavior, it allows us to then go one step farther and compare ourselves to other. “Sure, I’m glad God saved a man like me. But there are others who are a lot worse.”

William Beahm, a former Dean and Professor of Theology at Bethany Biblical Seminary, offers a correct view of sin when he says:

Sin is a problem at the center of the self, not merely of specific external acts. Tinkering with these acts is ineffective unless and until the heart is changed (Studies in Christian Belief, 135).

Sin is not only the “things we have done and the things we have left undone.” Sin is the ultimate breaking of our relationship with God. We can attempt to improve ourselves all we want, but that doesn’t ultimately solve our problem. We must deal with our relationship with God.

This is the gift that John Newton gives us in a beloved hymn which is much more biographical than we realize. Newton grew up under the Christian influence of his mother until her death when John was six years old. His young adult life included being captured and pressed into service with the Royal Navy. When he tried to desert his ship, he was captured and flogged. He then transferred to a slave ship but did not get along with the crew; they abandoned him with a slave owner in West Africa, who left him starving and in rags.

Rescued from this, Newton hardened into an offensively crude man in places where crude behavior was the norm. Becoming a slave trader himself, his own journals describe how he mistreated the slaves he transported, his own words implying that rape was part of the mistreatment.

This is a man who came to understand grace, eventually becoming a pastor and leader in the abolitionist movement. So when John Newton writes the words “saved a wretch like me” into a hymn, it was because he knew something about wretchedness, both from his own experience of desperate suffering, and from the horrific abuse he inflicted on other persons. Amazing Grace describes what happens when grace meets a willing heart.

A complicated passage

This is what Paul is working toward in the rather difficult passage of Romans 5:12-21. The point comes down to a common Biblical metaphor: there are two options before us, one that leads to death, and one that leads to life. This idea appears in the Old Testament, when Joshua gathers the Hebrew people together to renew the covenant with God, and says to them:

Now therefore revere the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness; put away the gods that your ancestors served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. Now if you are unwilling to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served in the region beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD (Joshua 24:14-15).

It's similar to a message that Jesus gives us in the Sermon on the Mount:

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it (Matthew 7:13-14).

There will always be options for how we shape our lives. When it comes to understanding our sin, the issue is more complicated than merely improving our own bad behavior. The issue is, “Which road are we on?”

We can imagine Paul’s words in Romans 5 functioning like highway road signs. If we trust them—even when the way seems unclear—then they will tell us where we’re going. One of my favorite sets of signs are these alongside Interstates 81 and 77, just a few miles south of here.

How is it possible to go in opposite directions at the same time—north or south, depending on the highway; east or west depending on the compass? What it boils down to is knowing our destination. Whether you’re going to Pennsylvania or North Carolina, Beckley or Bristol, you will be on the same asphalt as people going to one of the other places. Your destination will determine which road signs you follow.

What is more, you can take the best auto mechanic in the world along with you. But having a fine-running car will not matter if you’re not on the road to your intended destination. Destination is the issue, not how fancy or well-running our car happens to be.

In Romans 5, Paul offers some road signs for our spiritual life. The old way of Adam leads to rejecting God in favor of our own wisdom. Charting our own course sounds great. But if you’re going to Roanoke, you don’t want to follow the signs that say 77-South, no matter how pretty the scenery nor how smooth the traffic! The road signs along the way of Adam are sin, disobedience, judgment, condemnation, and death. But in the coming of Jesus, a new road with a different set of signs appear, signs that read free gift, grace, obedience, eternal life.

The invitation from Jesus—an invitation that John Newton accepted—is for us to to realize that no amount of tinkering around the edges of our behavior will solve the problem of sin. For a while, even John Newton thought it might, as he applied this kind of thinking to his own participation in the slave trade, believing that as a Christian, he could be a different kind of slave trader—he would be kind to the human beings he was transporting for sale. Seems rather misguided, doesn’t it?

That’s the corrupting power of sin. Slavery was one of those things that John Newton finally came to see couldn’t be improved. It had to be done away with completely. We have to choose the road we’re on.

The need of grace

I was raised to believe that people are basically good and that when given the opportunity will “do the right thing.” And on one level, I happily admit that there is still a lot of that in the world. But I also notice that we live in a context of larger societal issues such as racism, gun violence, and other assaults on human life that frame this question in a different way. These are deeper issues that a little bit of tinkering around the edges of humanity hasn’t been able to solve.

The problem with the phrase “God helps those who help themselves?” is that sin has definitively broken the bonds between human beings and God. All we can do is surrender everything to Jesus and accept his grace. When we do we’ll find that comparing ourselves to other people is simply foolish; compared to what God has done for us, we’re all wretches until we meet Jesus.

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alexsfictionaddiction · 3 years

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Review: An Ordinary Wonder by Buki Papillon

There is nothing like a book that simply strikes me as being completely unlike any other that I’ve read before. Something about this wonderful, heart-rending story told me that it was the unique read I’ve been looking for and I’m so glad I discovered it.

In early 1990s Nigeria, Oto is finally about to escape his abusive childhood home and go to boarding school but he’s leaving behind his beloved twin sister Wura. He knows that he must hide who he really is from everyone at school and when he finds herself falling for his roommate, he realises that things will be even harder than he imagined. At home, family matters become difficult to manage, terrible secrets emerge and even Oto and Wura’s seemingly unbreakable bond is at stake. Can Oto finally find the strength and courage to become who he was always meant to be -a beautiful, ambitious girl named Lori?

I need to warn you straightaway that this novel contains A LOT of physical, mental and some sexual abuse. There is a lot of misery and darkness, particularly for a big chunk of the beginning of the book, so please be aware of this before giving it a read.

Oto suffers a lot of severe mistreatment at the hands of her family members and it was incredibly distressing to read. I shed a few tears over the gruelling punishments and horrific mistreatment that she suffers at the hands of those who are supposed to protect her. Dreams of Oto and Wura running far away into the sunset together certainly crossed my mind but I knew it would never be an easy road.

The bond between Oto and Wura is so beautiful. Although Wura doesn’t know everything about her sibling, they really seem to be two halves of a whole. I read the significance of the matching watches as a metaphor for their relationship -they are each other’s world. The reoccurance of the watches at the end of the book brings the story full circle, much like the journey that their relationship takes.

When Oto first arrives at ISS (International Secondary School), she goes through many of the typical new-kid emotions albeit heightened ones because of her secret. She vows to blend in and abandon her true self, which broke my heart but which is obviously the safest thing to do.

However, Lori is forever present in the way that she notices cute boys, her admiration of Wura’s outfits and her budding obsession with romance novels. Because of this, I could never really read Oto as a wholly male or female character. Although we know that Oto is intersex, has been raised as male but feels female from the very beginning of the book, Papillon does such an excellent job of writing her as someone whose gender is ambiguous.

Oto’s roommate Derin is. without a doubt. one of my favourite characters that I’ve come across in a coming-of-age novel. He is so wonderfully wise and non-judgemental for a teenage boy and I knew he’d be a great source of light for Oto. If only everyone had a Derin while we were growing up, some of us would be much kinder, better-adjusted adults.

I loved the way the book tackled very real examples of the struggles that intersex people undoubtedly go through. Their basic biology is, of course, ignored by science textbooks and teaching, so they grow up not having a clue which version of puberty they are likely to go through. Will they grow facial hair or get a period? Maybe it will be both? These are questions that Oto constantly asks but the reality is, there aren’t any definite answers to them.

There is a section of this book that really choked me up and caused my heart to break. Oto finds herself in hospital after a very serious incident but at this point, she has such a low opinion of herself that she is convinced that she isn’t worth the doctor’s time. These feelings of extremely low self-worth ring so true for anyone who is a victim of long-term abuse. If you can relate to that directly, I really would advise you to be aware that An Ordinary Wonder contains some very distressing events and emotions conjured up by that. Just a little warning before you rush to pick it up!

In times of great need, an ethereal entity known as Yeyemi comes to Oto. ‘Yeye-mi’ translates from Yoruba as ‘my mother’ and she certainly plays the role of an ideal, nurturing mother figure to Oto that she has never had in her reality. Yeyemi is a source of comfort, guidance and wisdom, which is exactly what folktales are for so many cultures. I knew that under Yeyemi’s unwavering, powerful protection that Oto would flourish. Having this element of Nigerian folklore in the novel gave it an authentic unique dimension and these immersive scenes were so beautifully written.

Thankfully, towards the end of the book, Oto starts to get some validation and acceptance. Her relationship with art teacher Mr Dickson is wonderfully uplifting and it’s partly this that finally gives her the strength to live life exactly as she wants to. Despite the harrowing beginnings of the book, the light at the end of the tunnel is shone bright throughout the final 20%.

An Ordinary Wonder is a very unique, powerful novel with themes of gender, identity, incredible resilience and Nigerian family culture. One of the most inspiring things about Oto is her immovable determination to become Lori, despite having always been told that she is a boy. It’s a story of battling against all odds to be true to who you know you really are and allowing that person to live life and shine bright.

An Ordinary Wonder by Buki Papillon will be published by Dialogue Books on 25th March 2021.

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