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#patriarchy theory
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If there is one thing I am sure of within suicide, it is that I have no idea why men do it. And neither do you.
Even those closest to those lost; parents, partners, friends and family, are left never really knowing ‘why?’
Heartbreaking and impossible questions, that may never be fully answered, by anyone.
And yet, somehow an entire army of social justice warriors, moral guardians and cereal box psychologists, seem entitled to present their own one word answer to ‘why men do it’ anyway.
That’s right.
The devastated partner has no idea, and yet some asshole on Instagram has the answer.
Not just the answer for one man, but all men, all doing it for the same reason, apparently.
So we arrive at ‘toxic’ this, and ‘patriarchy’ that; each slogan doing its best to pathologise masculinity, and provide simple and meaningless answers, without evidence, to impossibly complex, individual problems.
And it’s not good enough.
What’s more, as a man, I have learnt to sit down and listen when it comes to women talking about women’s issues.
I agree, discussion for women, must be led by women.
So the same is true for men.
Discussion on men, and particularly male suicide, must be led by men and boys, and bereaved families, and not gate kept by bogus feminist theory.
Suicidal men, and the families of those who have lost loved ones, must be our eternal point of reference for male suicide advocacy and research. It is where we must start, and continually return to, forever and always.
More than any other, #malesuicide is not the place to make bigoted blanket assertions about masculinity or men. It is a place to listen, without judgement, and with compassion.
So let’s do that now.
Let’s ask the men dealing with suicidality, how it feels, and what we can do to help.
~
Study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4611172/
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There's always a scramble to cast male suicide as a flaw of men, or maleness itself. This seems to function as a way to deny that there could be external factors that disproportionately affect men. You know, except the mythical dragon of "tHe pAtRiArChY."
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bellasophies · 4 months
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lilithism1848 · 18 days
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intersectionalpraxis · 7 months
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something needs to be said about cishet men who think it is 'insulting' to tell a woman that she will be living alone with her cats when she's old & grey if she doesn't (essentially) cater to patriarchal values
aside from the fact that lifestyle being comfortable for so many of us (& what did cats ever do to you? aside from probably having more maturity & emotional intelligence) is that it is statistically untrue.
single & childfree women are the happiest on the planet. women's mental/overall health improves when she's not married to men. women patients are also far more likely to be accompanied by loved ones (kids/relatives/friends) to appointments compared to men in all stages of her life.
so what is it here that makes them believe a statement like this could 'put a woman in her place'? could it be the ways in which young boys & men are taught women need men to feel a sense of validation, safety & love? and that when women say they don't, they resort to reinforcing biological essentialist discourse because controlling women's bodies is a tale as old as time?
i think part of the uncomfortable truth for so many of cishet men is that their identities, having been shaped around heteronormativity in ways it has for women with specific roles and expectations, has been challenged in ways that no longer benefit/are relevant to most women (of course i acknowledge cross-cultural exceptions, such as matriarchies & countries where equity/inclusivity has been/is a genuine a focus)
but access to autonomy in many ways is key here & women growing/unlearning/learning about themselves in ways that reinforce their choices, their desires, their wants over someone else's is what men here are really threatened by.
like women can want to have men as romantic/sexual partners, but they don't NEED men & those men in turn get angry because they aren't able to control the narrative about women needing men to be happy.
the fear of being alone is ironic because ultimately if women, who have been perpetually objectified in patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalistic, sexist, misogynistic societies, are saying enough is enough & are finding ways outside of heteronormativity to feel fulfillment then the one's most scared of being alone are mostly cishet men.
the 'old cat lady' sentiment will always be an ageist/sexist/misogynistic sentiment meant to guilt/shame women for doing what is best for them. and is entirely a projection on his end, which is ultimately very pathetic.
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Why doesnt feminism talk about the possibility of males selectively breeding and training women to be weaker and more docile?
Men are attracted to women who are weaker than they are, in more ways than one, a male's natural selection is a female he can easily dominate.
We all know that men restricted many things from women, but the one important thing they kept from us. Knowledge! keeping us away from education, to keeps us dumber than them.
The fact that males killed women in witch trials the ones who were educated, independent, elders, single, healers basically any woman who can't be easily controlled or lived freely from men and purposely breed with the more submissive ones.
The peak of female beauty is that we are reduced to either a child, to be weak or disabled. Even when beauty standards changes u know what men never find attractive? MUSCLES! The key to physically strength in women.
Women who are younger, dumber and/or financial unstable are more desirable cause they are easier to control and manipulate, since they are more desirable, more than likely men will reproduce with them but women who are older, more intelligent and/or have higher positions of power are more likely to be single.
For centuries males keep women weak and co dependant, selectively breeding and training women. So that we are easier to control and dominate.
My theory is that, that's why they are "allowing" us to have our rights now, men rule most of the world they can easily take away our rights if they wanted, just like how they take away abortion rights and female spaces, the training for us has been complete and they know women wont leave them now.
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haggishlyhagging · 3 months
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It has been said that female separatism is radical feminism's natural and logical conclusion. Most radical feminists have chosen not to follow their politics all the way to that end and do what they can to avoid, ignore, or deny it. Anti-separatist feminists engage in what has been called "thought termination," meaning the act of refusing to follow one's own thoughts to their logical conclusions, in order to justify their decision to stay connected to males. They also encourage this thought termination in other women, wanting to undermine female separatism as a legitimate political and personal choice for their own selfish reasons.
When making political and feminist analysis or when attempting to determine in your own life if a particular decision is feminist or anti-feminist, it is useful to ask the ancient Roman legal question: "Cui bono?" or "Who benefits?" Of course, women do stand to gain certain rewards and privileges from engaging in male loyalism, misogyny, and anti-feminist actions, but whatever the matter at hand, an anti-feminist and anti-female decision will ultimately benefit males the most. When we ask "Who benefits the most?" from women and girls choosing to lead male-inclusive and male-centric lives, the answer is clear: males do.
The most recent studies have found that heterosexual marriage makes men happier and women more unhappy overall. The overwhelming majority of domestic labor and childcare continue to fall on the wife's shoulders in heterosexual marriage throughout the developed world, and this is true even while most married heterosexual women in developed countries work full-time throughout adulthood. Heterosexual and bisexual women openly admit to experiencing sex in their heterosexual relationships that ranges from inorgasmic and boring to violent, humiliating, and painful. Outside of heterosexual relationships, women and girls often find themselves on the losing side of unequal relationships with male family members and friends who take advantage of their labor, emotional and otherwise, and do not reciprocate or bother suppressing their sexism.
The power struggle between males and females has always been sexual, both in the carnal and reproductive sense. Even the word patriarchy rests on the sexual, social, and familial arrangements that exist in a predominantly heterosexual, mixed society where men and women live in constant contact with each other: rule of the father assumes that women and girls are in a position to be ruled, both socially and physically. It assumes the presence of a man.
Female separatism is the unavoidable, ultimate conclusion of radical feminist politics for the simple reason that separatism alone prevents the male objective driving men's oppression and domination of the female sex: using women and girls as sexual, domestic, social, and economic resources. If this is the point of patriarchy, how can anything other than female separatism be the solution to it? In a system where males already have all the power and control, women and girls will never be able to change their own status or achieve liberation from oppression through cooperating with males and granting them everything they demand.
Males want sexual access to female bodies above all else, and furthermore, they rely on women and girls to perform the domestic labor, social labor, and professional labor that keep men comfortable physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For thousands of years, men universally made sure that women and girls could not survive independently of them by locking us out of education, paid work, and the political arena and refusing to give us basic rights to own money and property. They knew and feared that if women had the option to survive and thrive apart from men, most of us would choose to do exactly that.
The only reason women now have the legal rights and protections that allow us to reject heterosexual marriage and motherhood is because we fought hard for those rights and protections over the course of at least a hundred years in developed countries, and we are still fighting all over the world, not only to gain what we lack but to protect what we have. Men have never yielded any political concessions to women willingly, easily, or readily. They have resisted us every step of the way, and they will never cease their attempts to take back the progress we've made.
If female separatism was of no consequence to the male sex, they wouldn't have spent all of recorded history making it virtually impossible. They wouldn't now be going out of their way to destroy any and all female-only spaces, both physical and digital, in the name of transgenderism. They would not have lorded physical and sexual violence over us since the beginning of time as punishment for our resistance and disobedience.
-Sekhmet She-Owl, “Female Separatism: The Feminist Solution” in Spinning And Weaving: Radical Feminism for the 21st Century
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subcoolture · 1 year
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Men will never understand how heartbreaking it is to realize as women that we love men who can never really love us, because they are raised in a culture that makes them unable to. That culture have made them internalize such an entitlement that it doesn’t even cross their minds that they don’t empathize with women. They feel entitled to everything, even to those women’s love whose mere well-being, safety, and basic rights they don’t even care about. And it is seen as normal that we give our bodies and souls to these men. And it is not normal: it is violent.
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nx18 · 1 year
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Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.
Bonnie Burstow
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decolonize-the-left · 24 days
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"I think women should get some spotlight on our issues because we're oppressed"
Ok yeah so true bestie
"And I would like to fight for gender equality"
Hell yeah
"... in a way that specifically excludes everyone except for cis women. In fact, I even want to actively help oppress other people to help Real Women™ You said we get the spotlight so no takesies backsies."
Ohhhh I see. So you want to act like a man? That's your gender equality to you? Getting to oppress people and discredit and ignore everyone you don't like?
"NO AND YOURE BEING A MISOGYNI-"
You want the right to oppress others and speak over them tho. You're even helping push anti-trans legislation. And you even believe that you deserve to silence and legislate against other people because of your gender & sex, right? Like you know better? Kinda like how men do?
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A MAN??? YOU JUST HATE WOMEN"
You're the one who only sees your gender's value in direct relation to sex and the power it has tho ☕
You can't even handle this basic criticism because you see that power as a Right for cis woman. I wonder what other cis people felt their gender have them more rights than others and the right to oppress others. HMMMMMM
"Women can't have anything."
To be fair tho, the power to oppress others shouldn't be something anyone has. Have you read any actual feminist literature?
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femalethink · 2 months
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In a key scene in Red Dragon, an FBI agent tells a group of police officers that there is no doubt that the family serial killer will strike again. “Why?” one woman asks him. “Because it makes him God,” intones the agent. Just days after Red Dragon opened, the police found the Death card from a Tarot deck near the scene of one of the shootings. Inscribed on the card was a message from the shooter. It was reported in the media as reading: “Dear Policeman, I am God.”
Such grandiose allusions to divinity have long been a crucial part of the serial killer myth. They proliferate as well in technological, especially nuclear, mystique and metaphor, most famously when the erudite J. Robert Oppenheimer, “father” of the atomic bomb, named the bomb test site “Trinity” and then, while witnessing the first atomic blast, recited the god Krishna’s words from the sacred Hindu text, the Bhagavad-Gita: “I am become Death, the shatterer of worlds.”
More mundane occasions for such utterances occur regularly in popular playtimes. In the media storm that followed the discovery of the inscribed Tarot card in the Beltway case, the public learned that “I am God” is a common declaration by victorious players of violent video games. We were reminded that Eric Harris, one of the two teenaged boys who committed mass murder at Columbine High School in April 1999, was an avid video game player and had scribbled, “I am God” in another student’s yearbook.
The popularity of this phrase in all of these contexts points to a pervasive, if usually unexamined, recognition that violence, control, total power over others, and specifically masculine lethal violence or the power of “unnatural death,” all have a religious character in our culture. Despite much talk of God being “love” and associated with creation, the phrase “I am God” is not uttered in delivery rooms by mothers, or by those getting the news that they have received the Nobel Peace Prize. The dominant notion of god in the Abrahamic patriarchal religions is an all-male being whose defining characteristics seem to be omnipotence, jealousy, righteousness, judgment, and dominance. This notion of god powers all sorts of terrorism: religious, political, criminal, familial, militarist, nuclear, and any combination of these as power-mad men take up that mythic role, “playing god” by waging war, accumulating fortunes, toying with others’ lives, and lording it over everybody else.
—Jane Caputi, "Goddesses and Monsters: Women, Myth, Power, and Popular Culture."
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If you make your political ideas a fundamental part of who you are, it makes them so much harder to change.
When your beliefs are built into your community, your work, your lifestyle, and how you identify; when you’ve quite literally bought and worn the t-shirt, changing such opinions is much like changing your skin.
It’s difficult.
One of these stubborn ideas is the antiquated notion of domestic violence being a “gendered crime”, and that ‘the vast majority of victims are women’; with male survivors a mere rounding error.
Such an idea is not reflected in the data – which continually proves that women and men are equally violent in relationships.
Straus, Dutton, Gelles, Desmarais, Steinmetz, Whitaker, Fiebert… the world’s leading researchers line up to show us the reality of domestic violence, and we wave them away. Why? Because our sassy mug, garish t-shirt, or that savage tweet says differently.
Paper after paper, survey after survey; each is slid across the table, to show equal rates of abuse, and each is rejected like a petulant child splitting out their vegetables.
Dozens, hundreds, thousands of studies, each showing gender symmetry, have been ignored, erased or denied for decades; so as to protect the egos and livelihood of the misinformed and the malicious.
And so the truth of the domestic violence industry becomes clear…
The mission is not really to protect abuse victims, it is to protect a divisive and outdated feminist ideology, and to save face, at the cost of lives.
So how high does the mountain of evidence have to grow before we accept the uncomfortable truths it unveils?
How many sources, studies and surveys do you need?
How many lives will such people sacrifice for their own pride?
How many times will the toddler stamp its feet, whinge and whine, before quietly chewing upon what the data tells us?
The ugly but uncontroversial truth – that women can do anything a man can, and that includes being abusive.
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Partner Abuse State of Knowledge (PASK) Project: https://domesticviolenceresearch.org
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As we already know, evidence can help correct a misinterpretation, a misunderstanding, a misconception.
But there is no amount of evidence that will address a belief based on faith and ideology, because they did not come to the belief based on evidence.
Faith is not a virtue. Neither is dishonesty.
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bellasophies · 5 months
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A society that tolerates prostitution is an inhumane society. Not only are the direct victims (those who are trafficked and brought) harmed but women and children as a whole. As long as one dominant group (men) can buy the body of another, women will all be the “purchaseable sex”.
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lilithism1848 · 23 days
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queerism1969 · 1 year
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intersectionalpraxis · 2 months
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Before I took my first Feminist and Gender Studies course, I was already mindfully deconstructing and challenging mainstream mass media's representations of women's bodies and identities. As young as I can remember I was already cutting out advertisements in magazines and making art at 15, and making scrap books and art pieces at school on my own to protest the messages being consciously and subconsciously transmitted to young girls and women.
I wondered why I HAD to get married, why I HAD to have children, why I had to worry about what men thought of me constantly when I didn't need nor want male validation. Thinking I just 'wasn't ready" or 'hadn't met the right person yet' in high school, while deeply understanding I never really wanted either.
I didn't have a concept of feminist thought -only that feminist movements existed to 'give us the right to vote' (very superficially told that 'women have rights now because of how much women fought in the past' and this discourse both lacked reflexivity (feminism will always be relevant) and intersectionality and more).
I never learned about how institutionalized patriarchy hurts us all in many ways, nor did I know about internalized misogyny and the normalization of women being told to be complicit in their own dehumanization... no, I looked at the world around me and thought that there was a lot to be angered by -a lot to resist and question.
And sometimes we are unable to fully unpack so much without being introduced to 'theoretical tools,' but more often than not our learning/unlearning comes in waves and flows to every single one of us. And I find it wildly amusing that men -especially anonymous one's online reinforcing rape culture and misogyny, don't see themselves as part of the problem.
There would always be a desire for liberation. Feminist and women's movements gave us a language -gave us shape and named our oppression. I'm grateful for feminism. I'm glad I was able to make peace with so much in my life about gendered expectations and heteronormativity -but I am especially glad that I'm not like the people who see feminism as a poison -all those people are the real threats to so many of our lives -our safety, equality, equity, and liberation. There is a place to be critical of white feminism, of transphobia in feminist circles -of any form of hatred, but this... saying 'feminism is to blame' without introspecting is just beyond jarring and painfully ironic.
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autogyne-redacted · 6 months
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Reframing Patriarchy.
The popular model of patriarchy asserts that all men hold power over all women and gain privilege in doing so, paying little heed to the internal dynamics and differences among men and among women.
This model is profoundly inadequate.
Gender doesn't simply exist to privilege men. It exists to facilitate a more complex division of labor and social control. And while certain men are pushed to wield power, they are not free to use it as they see fit. Like company scrip, it only works within a system that is antithetical to any real kind of freedom.
A framework I like much better starts with recognizing that gender exists within larger systems of social coercion (Leviathan, nationalism, etc) and pushes ppl into specific roles that it needs filled along gendered lines.
While this varies from system to system and over time, a non-exhaustive list of roles is:
Within manhood:
Rulers.
Enforcers (cops, managers, etc. Chauvinism and misogyny can be seen as generalized ways of "keeping ppl in their place.").
Soldiers (often conceptualized as protectors)
Workers.
Villains (the abject, the punished): nationalism benefits from both internal and external threats to energize its militarism and the system actively produces enemies both internally and externally (see prisons producing more violence, intelligence agencies pushing ppl towards terrorism internally, US foreign policy in general, etc). It also benefits from populations whose visible punishment and suffering encourages others to be complacent.
Within Womanhood:
Child rearers: biological production, the mundane labor of daycare, and wielding authority over children to shape them into useful men and women.
Workers (pink)
Supporters: doing care work, organizational work, emotional work, house work, generally doing invisibilized work to sustain others and make up for where they're weak.
Trophies/cultural objects: to be beautiful, to remain pure and unsullied by the world, to give men something to strive for, to let men vicariously engage with things they're prohibited from being themselves, etc.
The vulnerable: an objectified role, the system uses the supposed vulnerability of women to justify and catalyze violence (see: lynchings, the image of oppressed Muslim women used to justify recent wars, the figure of Helen of Troy "[launching] a thousand ships," etc.)
These roles are flexible and show up at different levels, and the ways ppl are coerced to engage with them varies massively by intersecting demographics.
white women and women of color are pushed to engage with producing and raising children in very different ways, but the role is significant across racial demographics.
A man's normative role as "head of the household" will include elements of being a ruler/enforcer even if the man in question doesn't perform these roles professionally.
People can lean into these various roles or not, but I think they're all roles that are meaningfully gendered and that some ppl are coerced into / have projected into them.
Trans people are sometimes pushed into roles based off their assignment, sometimes off their transitioned gender position, and often towards abject and fetishized positions in general.
These roles are not strictly limited by gender (eg women can be cops) but I think they are solidly *gendered* in that gender as a system exists to produce them and they tie in closely with gendered values and gendered power dynamics. EG one of the major functions of masculinity is producing a sufficient population of cops and soldiers and shitty dads, if women want to take on these roles that's allowed lots of places.
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