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carmensapientia · 1 year

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The REAL way to manifest

I usually never make posts like this but I find it absolutely insane that so many people are 1) pandering to desperate people in of help 2) advertising methods that not only don’t make any sense and 3) constantly jump ship for the newest shiniest methods. Manifesting is not:

-working for years for one tiny desire

-getting your hopes up and not receiving

-limiting yourself to only small desires like texts and compliments

-being inconsistent in your methods and application etc

-following other people’s advice instead of carving your own path

-any bullshit terms like consciousness vibrations crystals etc

You guys overcomplicate the law way too much. You add in biblical terms long winded essays and scientific data to back up the one things you don’t have or can easily cultivate: discipline, persistence and the ability to stand on your own. If you’re the operant power, why do you need a void, a 10k challenge, a million states to occupy etc to manifest one tiny desire. You don’t need to read thousands of pages of Neville and Edward and whoever else when it comes down: think about what you want as if you have it and you will. That’s it. Stop listening to people who profit off of you having an endless cycle of realizations and long winded conversations than application of the law. Stop listening to people who will constantly have you hooked on the next best thing. Just do it. Make a decision to do it and affirm. Keep affirming until you get it.

On immaturity: stop bullying other people for your beliefs. If you’re the operant power why does it matter to you what other people do? Just be god. God isn’t moved by non believers. He moved the world.

On terminology: I don’t employ the whole it’s already done affirm to remind stuff etc that’s never what has worked with me. Forcing myself to believe it’s already here doesn’t sit right with me. Just ignore all this fancy terminology and apply the law in ways you want. You’re god. Cherry pick what you want.

On instant gratification: I live the idea of manifesting instantly. I live things being easy. I don’t love the over obsession with doing so in the law. I’m not saying a lot of people “rush” things but you focus too much on instantly etc to the point you’re not even focusing on affirming or keeping your mind in check. Just focusing on the 3D and trying your hardest with no avail. Relax. It’ll come and it’ll come quickly. Don’t force it or make it something it’s not.

How to manifest the OG way:

Affirmations = thoughts you repeat for desired results.

Self concept: how tou see the world and yourself in relation to it

Mental diet: flipping negative thoughts consistently to ensure your positive thoughts aren’t being subtracted

Affirming consistently (when bored when walking when thinking of your desire when you want to whenever you feel is best) until you manifests + self concept in check + mental diet = pushed out into the 3D. BOOM. Affirm. Persist. Flip. Empower. That’s manifestation. You’re welcome

xoxo

#law of abundance #law of assumption #void #states #manifestations

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super-secret-clown-corner · 8 months

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catching up on the kabsmp videos rn and i'm having normal person thoughts as usual anyway did you guys ask for a crazy ass idea on where i think the storyline is gonna go because i have a crazy ass idea on where i think the storyline is gonna go (this is gonna get long sorry in advance)

In Which I Lose My Mind Over Some Guy's Minecraft Persona In A Goofy Ahh Lore SMP

cover image for sillies

So. Hear me out. Clown is still the overarching villain of the series. Whatever's happening with Kyle and the void is still """""important"""""" n stuff, but (totally not because i'm biased or anything (i totally am)) that's all a red herring covering up the real threat. The idea I have rn is that Clown is biding his time and finishing up whatever research he had on the void, then when Kyle is defeated, he's gonna swoop in, take the void for himself, and become basically unstoppable which'll lead into season 3 or smth.

Bits Of Info That Makes The Pepe Silvia Meme Cover Relevant

Time to be insane and dump every single bit of potential evidence on why I think Clown's a bigger threat than the others think he is, starting at the very beginning (i'll try to keep this as chronological as possible but i'm busting my brain trying to piece everything together i watched this so out of order at first).

First, obviously, is the whole him killing Pyro bit and betraying him to get to Rae, then killing everyone in the commune. hoWEVER bro just casually tore open a portal to the nether and back and none of the other people in the group can do that. It's kinda hinting that Muu knows how to make portals but other than that the original s1 group has been stuck there since the start (which maybe suggests Muu isn't from this dimension also but that's another thing to unpackage).

a side note here: lincu came from an end portal that clown made for maddy and they NEVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN????????? WHAT

In the Pyro POV that came after that, it was heavily suggested that Clown was originally a conqueror or insanely destructive pillager (not the actual mob) (like come on, "bow before the scythe emblem" or whatever the words are? just write your name in the book you're practically screaming it at this point). Then, when Branzy showed up in that cameo episode, he didn't shut up about how Clown destroyed entire villages and killed a fuck ton of people (i will scream more about this point in a second 😁).

In the Season 2 opener animatic, he dropped his manipulative buddy buddy act the moment the void appeared, stabbed Kaboodle, and fucked off. He was also shown going full aggro on Magic, trying to get information about the void from her. A little while later, he's shown reading books on the void and finds something "perfect" for whatever he's planning (brain explosion).

Looping back to the Branzy cameo, it was revealed that he, Branzy, and Ashswag worked together in a laboratory somewhere in a different dimension researching and experimenting with portals. Ashswag said that Clown pushed him into one they made, which resulted in him glitched out and broken (WHICH OPENS UP ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS ARE THEY SUGGESTING THAT THIS IS ALL ACTUALLY JUST A SIMULATION/GAME LIKE HOW MINECRAFT ACTUALLY IS???????????? holy shit if i think about this for too long i'm gonna have another huge scream fest again).

and THEN in the most recent one as of today (aka A New Issue) it's revealed that Pyro had his suspicions that Clown is otherworldly and unnatural. Bro casually soloed a 100-Piglin invasion. I already had the thought of "oh yeah this guy's definitely not from any of the three dimensions" but the only contradictory thing that popped up for that was he and Pyro used to live together for a bit with the Waste Walkers. HOWEVER with this new information that Clown was just this anomaly that popped up periodically in their group, he's practically screaming that he's not from any of the three dimensions.

BASICALLY. I'M VERY NORMAL RIGHT NOW.

i love overcomplicating silly lore as a pastime

#hello lifesteal fans on my blog go watch kabsmp also 👍‼️#the guy in the cover image (besides tiny clown) is my silly jester oc goober #(i've been posting him a lot on my mainblog)#(i'd advertise but i want to keep them Separate As Hell)#he can be this blog's mascot as a treat #kaboodlesmp spoilers #kaboodle smp spoilers #kaboodlesmp theory #i hope these tags exist and have been used before scream cries #the jester speaks #the jester's writing #long post #yeah you know what? maybe i WILL character maintag to spread kabsmp propaganda #clownpierce #mwahaha

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goddesswithin111 · 2 years

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♕ 48HC Update – some movement

This post is about me seeing movement with what I’am manifesting. I’m mostly focusing on the void for this challenge from @zen-shu and it’s been fun. I found out about the void state in late June and I found it fascinating.

I did take a break from the void in July because I felt like I needed it and I had other things to focus on, but I thought about resuming my journey when I read this challenge. I started the 48HC on August 8th. Entering the void was my focus and I affirmed that I will get my desire within 48hrs, and that I can easily enter in 2mins. I love using my imagination & living in the end, so at first I imaged a dark space with a white bed in the middle of the scene. I imagined myself getting up from bed and flying/floating around. But to be honest, it was a bit hard to completely picture the darkness. So I decided to imagine a galaxy (similar to the pictures below); I just needed more colors and it made visualization fun for me. I usually affirm and visualize whenever I think about it, most often when I go to bed (I also try to catch SATS to visualize). Here’s a timeline of the challenge

August 8-9: Not much happened but I continued with the challenge💪🏾. On the night of the 8th, I wanted to enter the void state by doing some breathing/ counting + affirm, but I found this to be a lot. I also had work the next day, so I just decided to sleep lol. I like my manifesting processes to be fun, so I switched things up a bit.

Aug. 10: I decided to go back to my initial assumption (from weeks ago) that I can always get into the void with any method. For example- I can lie in bed and affirm for the void. I can also get there through sleep paralysis OR if my body aches from lying in the same position for too long then that’s okay, I’ll just sleep and wake up in the void. Voila! This is my new mindset. I continued with the 48HC but decided to make it 24hrs instead.

Aug. 11: In the morning, I had a dream where I was in bed, lying on my side, & I couldn’t move. I also felt it in reality, like I was in between this reality & the dream (or astral realm). Eyes still closed, I couldn’t move for maybe 10-15sec, and then I was fine. I don’t know if I dreamt again but my alarm rang moments later. It was crazy and I only realised what happened later that morning- I had sleep paralysis. From my understanding, sp [can] happen when you want to wake up before your dream ends. // Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I also had sp a few months ago..🤔

Now my desires are to get into the void & get sleep paralysis. I affirmed that I will get my #1 /top desires within 24hrs, and I also continued to do my visualizations.

Aug. 12: Around 3am, I couldn’t really get back to sleep so I thought I’d affirm for another sleep paralysis. I was on my back but changed position at some point, I also decided to sleep since I had work in the morning. I was slowly drifting off to sleep and briefly saw specs of light behind my eyelids. Then I felt like I was being lifted upward (my head being lifted from my pillow). I was scared lol but I was like “wait, is this really happening now?!” and as I was about to affirm for the void, the feeling/symptom stopped😩. It lasted a few seconds. I was sad but happy! That’s another achievement for me!

That's all for now. I don’t know if you believe in spirit guides and stuff, but I work with my spiritual team and I’ve been asking them for signs and guidance. They are confirming my thoughts/belief that any method can work for me. I was overcomplicating it last month & I don’t need to obsess over the void either. I’ll just keep assuming, affirming, visualizing, and living in the end. // I might write another post going into details about my signs and how it went.

Overall, I don’t have a deadline for the void and it's not urgent. But I know I will get there very soon. I’m having fun with this experience and I wish I started this challenge a while ago. But thank you zen-shu!!! ✮ This is a fun challenge and I encourage everyone to give it a go! Please continue persisting and you will definitely get results!

#48hc #48hc results #law of assumption #manifestation #law of the universe #void state #neville goddard #success story #dream life #affirm and persist

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popculturebuffet · 4 months

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Monthly Muppets Madness: Sammy J and Randy in Bin Night (Comissoin for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy muppety faces and welcome back to Monthly Muppets! My look at all things muppet, from the troupe themselves, to other works by jim henson to the many things inspired by his fine work.

And tonight is bin night as we look at the australian comedy duo of Sammy J and Randy Feltface and their 2012 special Bin Night. I first found out about this duo after Kev had found out about this duo from Lachey V, another long time patron on this blog, and wanted me to cover their show Ricketts Lane, which looks delightfully insane in the vein of british comedies like The Mighty boosh or Snuffbox. Sadly so far we haven't been able to find it anywhere in the us and attempts to rip it off Lachey's dvd's didn't quite work. So while I fully intend to cover Rickett's Lane at some point, for now we're doing Bin Night to still give these boys the spotlight.

The Duo's origin seem simple enough: Randy came from Heath McIvor's long time love of puppetry, having according to wikipedia been practicing since the tender age of 13. McIvor was tasked by a friend to do a show called "what is bullying to you" and needing a third puppet that could be unisex, Randy was born. While the show didn't go off well, McIvor liked the puppet and started performing with him, picking up steam.

He eventually met Sammy J when the two were double billed and they hit it off, soon becoming a double act. Nowadays the two aren't performing together as Randy has moved here to the US and Sammy is still in austrilia doing a show on ABC, but it's clear if the two wanted to get back together they could and it dosen't seem like any big split happened. They simply had other stuff they wanted to do and parted ways. I'm defintely up to look at Randy's solo material eventaully if anyone's intrested

For now we're looking at bin night. Bin Night has a very simple premise: Sammy J and Randy have someone sneaking their bags into their trash bins, and have decide to stake it out. various other nonsense insues including a feast, living shovels, murder, furry cosplay, and trips to machu pichu. You can find out about it all under the cut.

So the setup I mentiond is simple as is the set for this one: i'ts just the duo's yard, their house, and the bin. There's plenty of other props, backup dancers for the feast song, and what have you but it's a scaled down two man show almost entirely focused on these two idiots attempts to make it through the night.

Luckily Sammy J and Randy are strong characters; Sammy J is a tight ass, putting most of his faith in overcomplicated plans that have to go to the letter and annoy randy at how long they take. Randy meanwhile is a bit more loosey goosey and impuslive, the kind of guy who'd gladly sneak into a musuem benifit next to the building he's been peeing on to bum free food.

Sammy J drives most of the plot but it works well. Not only is the contrast of the muppet being the sane one of the two great, but Sammy takes your usual straight man to hilariously up his own ass lengths that lead to Randy barely parsing what he's doing. For instance Sammy J had a security system installed and insists it's state of the art and great.. despite all it's acomplished so far being accusing Randy of being a pedophile due to how the system SHOUTS "alert alert pedophile" for reasons, getting him arrested for trying to get into his own house, and getting him on the sex offenders registry. Not only that you have to close the door JUST RIGHT or your locked out, which naturally happens to our heroes. It's a joke that could easily fall or simply lean on being "lol pedophile".. but just keeps escalting and keeps working due to relatablity: we've seen tons of security system gags and i've had plenty of technology fail and plenty of people assume an overcomplicated system for their house is more resonable than removing it.

The lock out is also bad due to my faviorite gag of the special: the feast. The boys sing an entire song about Sammy J cooking them up a feast. Why he choose feast night to be stakeout night I don't know. And fitting the character he can't even have THAT be simple, forcing Randy to fast for 6 days to properly enjoy it and just.. not admitting he fucked up at any point, preferring to wait on the line to get support instead of I dunno, throwing a rock in his own window. The backup dancers, who get rudely dismissed and the chef's hat are just delightful.

The special has plenty of delightful stage florishes too: they go through their suspect list by having Randy's pupeteer dress up as each one , turning off the lights and using spotlights to simulate a camera flash while Sammy narrates them. My faviorite is the local family man from the family everyone hates whose hobbies include "Cheating on his wife and when not cheating on his wife football, darts and cheating on his wife" We also get extra puppets including a shovel and a pizza box. This show was low budget but you can tell they stretched every dollar they had and it paid off, both being skilled at muppetry. It's an ingenious use of stage and budget.

The pizza box comes about because the two consider odering pizza but Sammy's refusal to bend on waiting on hold sadly scuppers that plan. It does lead to a new one as Sammy, being the draconian howard moonian prick he is, threw away a nut loaf Randy tried to sneak in. Problem is BOTH are hiding things from each other, so they don't want to open it. We also get a great gag on Sammy pointing out on how "father time tops up people's life juice." and how he just says "Well that's it isn't it" when confronted with a good rebuttal.

Naturally the second Sammy J leaves Randy gets in the bin and finds BETRYAl: he'd been waiting to hear back from a woman he liked who was in machu piccu and Sammy J sent the letter away.. then wacks him with a shovel. Then decides wether to bury him or.. dis...dismember the corpse? And he chooses the latter?

Yeah we get full on muppet mutilation here complete with the bloody head of randy feltface. Sammy does capture the bin burglaar but as a ressurected Randy explains (Father time does indeed top off life juice), their kinjdly neighbor was a drug kingpin and he neded the money to get to machu picu. HE was in on the bin stuff this whole time. So the two decide to go to macu picu, Randy to find his lost love, and Sammy because "third wheel?".. and because he'll pay for Randy's passport. They miss her by 45 minutes but they had fun.

As you can probably gather this special was both hard to write about, as it's a fairly simple stage show more reliant on letting gags fly and insane. It seemed pretty mundane at first but just..e sclates as it goes and it's beautiful the whole time. Just about every bit they set up pays off some how. They also make out at one point, so they at least got to the point faster than the mighty boosh ever did.

Sammy J and Randy in Bin Night.. is a lot of fun and I recommend it wholeheardtly. These two comics clearly get how to take the muppet style of nonsense and translate it to adult humor without having ot scream

There's a lot of impressive puppets, fun gags and great character work nestled in this special and it was well worth the hour it took to watch it. You can find the special on youtube if your curious. I only wahnt to dig into MORE of these guys work, both as a duo and riding solo, after this magnificent special: it's fun, breezy and a nice mix of the muppets and the mighty boosh. Check it out if you haven't and check your bins. You never know when people will hide drug money or letters int here.

#sammy j #randy feltface #muppets #australia #bin night #comedy #special #monthly muppets

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anima-virtuosa · 1 year

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post about old modded Minecraft creations.. (this ended up turning into an entire gallery but that is fine)

one time i made a giant pinata that was actually a really compact candy factory on the inside. different rooms linked together by organ-tubes, farms and material processors that crafted dozens of types of (pam's harvestcraft) candy from scratch. and when it was done it would be vomited out just onto the ground & you could go pick it up. one of my favorite artificial life experiments i still love them

their name is Gummi Guts and if you eat their candy they will be very happy :3

at one point i also was obsessed with Witchery and made a witches' hut and ritual circle in the forest; then roleplayed out a whole elaborate ritual using flashy magic items where i floated into the air & cast magic spells/potions and summoned an undead army & transformed into a lich while laughing evilly with lightning going off in the background..just normal fun stuff lol

my main magic place was this Thaumcraft eldritch temple built around the infusion altar (multiple layers everything in a room below it). there are eldritch-eyes blocks everywhere and these void fluid creatures who would rise out of the abyssal depths to help me with my rituals.. they are great friends!! they only need a little bit of your blood just a little.

largest build was an Applied Energistics megastructure computer-temple which was at the peak of FTB expert endgame and had like 6 levels of ME-network submachines that processed unlimited diamonds and other materials siphoned from pocket dimensions. my autism level was so high that i legit went and built this in survival using the blueprint placer thing and over 200k blocks (lots of screens)

i loove modded minecraft so much all the weird magitech aesthetic stuff... my favorite thing was doing builds/roleplays following the aesthetic of each mod

FTB expert (from 2015) my favorite modpack i love when stuff is just ludicrously overcomplicated to craft. not grindy but instead requiring automation of everything thru maaany steps. that tickles my brain a lot

(also the endgame machines were made with DRAGON HEARTS AND CAPTURED SOULS which is actually metal as fuck. like yeah i went and slayed 17 different gods and a couple hundred dragons to make my building nbd. automated dragon farms were a thing though i didn't get around to doing one)

(..ok i dont usually post my ramble ideas but leaving this here anyway)

at many points in Minecraft i just.. Ascended and found that nothing else existed for weeks. just minecraft building in every second of my thoughts. (it gets to be a weird time being disabled with nothing else to do 24/7)

if i played it again i would make my base a weird trippy biomechanical living-machines world where every machine is its own creature (like the pinata) with a name and personality .. and in the magic factory they would all work together :3 with the magic of friendship. or something like that. (also there would be way more RGB blocks everywhere & rave rooms)

OTHER IDEA the livingmachine world would actually just be building-creatures integrated with ComputerCraft consoles & turtles (the little robots). each console/turtle would be like a person and you would go talk to them asking them nicely to output resources for you or open a door. taking the idea even further they could have programmed personalities & needs, you would need to go run functions that talked with them or traded things to get what you wanted; they even could interact with EACH OTHER. :0

one other silly thing i used to think about was the theoretical idea of programming turtles who were self-replicating and would turn the entire world into a hollowed out machine-world that functions like its own society, the turtle apocalypse (if i was a godlike computer i would go and do that but i have meatbrain :/ ), also if you don't know i am talking about the computercraft robots this part is extra funny. (i found out people already coded that but it still is hardware-limited and doesn't end up with a million turtles)

what if the pinata was actually an earth-creature and way bigger like the entire map from top to bottom made in creative mode. just a whole custom map made with worldedit with cavelike biomes + random resources placed about. and then it switched to a survival map and you played INSIDE the creature and its whole body was your world. and you would be like a little red blood cell in there going and building all its organs and systems and maintaining them. the whole thing would be composed of biomechanical machinecreatures all linked to the central brain ComputerCraft/ME console that tracks all the resources & functions

gosh i haven't played minecraft in way too long v_v.. but how i adore it so

usually only singleplayer but i would love to play it someday with other people who are really into building and doing silly roleplays. and of course using the mods that make you a creature, like being an elemental dragons clan or something, or people doing different themes/characters based on one mod in the pack (like Bewitchment the really neat looking new witchery)

..if anyone thinks that sounds interesting then hit me up 🥺

#minecraft #modded minecraft #objectum #mineblr #minecraft build #mc build #modded mc #livingmachine #also in botania the flowers are alive and like your pets and deserve loving care. that is all #auri rambles

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rose-bookblood · 1 year

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15 tags, 15 mutuals

Thanks @cherrybombfangirlwrites for tagging me!

Rules: Answer these questions either with yourself or an OC.

I'm doing myself and Sheryl, because I love overcomplicating and also I just finished draft 2 of RWR.

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, but I was this close to getting named after not one, but two characters from the Arthurian legends.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I cried back to back twice last night lol. I don't remember which came first, but one was watching Outlander and the other reading in-depth analyses of single Fullmetal Alchemist shots on Tumblr (I do that more often than is socially acceptable).

3. Do you have kids?

No and the thought horrifies me.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

A bit too much sometimes, oops.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

No idea, I guess colors?

6. What's your eye color?

A mix of blue, green and grey.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I can't do scary.

8. Any special talents?

I'm good at memorizing stuff (I can recite a lot of bus schedules lol).

9. Where were you born?

In Trieste, an Italian city (really really) close to the Slovenian border.

10. What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, watching TV shows, learning languages, swimming and playing the piano.

11. Do you have any pets?

Two striped grey cats whom I adore <3

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I suck at any sport other than swimming and sailing, though I want to pick up roller skating.

13. How tall are you?

1.56 meters.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Languages, specifically Spanish, which I started studying in middle school.

15. Dream job?

Author and translator, and it's getting closer to becoming a reality everyday.

Sheryl

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not that I'm aware.

2. When was the last time you cried?

When I was 12. [She will not elaborate because she's Like That and also because it's sorta spoilery.]

3. Do you have kids?

No, and it's beyond me why anyone would have kids when we risk our lives every day.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

New people? Usually if they're alien or human and, in the second case, if they look like they might kill me.

6. What's your eye color?

Brown.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I've never seen a movie, but I guess I prefer less boring stuff.

8. Any special talents?

I suppose my fighting and shooting skills.

9. Where were you born?

Somewhere in Mexico, close to the US border (not that it matters).

10. What are your hobbies?

Walking in the woods.

11. Do you have any pets?

If Moren counts.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I have to train to fight and hunt.

13. How tall are you?

1.71 meters.

14. Favorite subject in school?

I never went to school, but I liked learning how to shoot.

15. Dream job?

Not having to live underground and worry about dying every time I go outside would be enough.

Tagging @italiangothicwriteblr, @ink-fireplace-coffee, @mel-writes-with-her-dragons, @retrogayyde and whoever wants to join!

#i wheezed typing sheryl's 11th answer but that's just what she'd answer #15 tags 15 mutuals #tag game #oc: sheryl ramírez

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stevensavage · 7 months

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The Dream Of A Farm

(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com, Steve's Tumblr, and Pillowfort. Find out more at my newsletter, and all my social media at my linktr.ee)

We’ve all met that person that talks about how they want to run away from our industrial world and live on the farm. They might even be us. Us or not, such dreams usually are a little, well, bullshit.

Living on a farm is hard. You gotta work with the weather, you have to time things, you have to get really dirty and bloody. Even if you avoid all the legal and other crap with Big Farm companies like Monsanto and John Deere, it’s work. Also your local small town is boring.

I think there’s this idea in people’s heads about farming as a simpler, uncomplicated life. It’s not of course, but thanks to a lot of bad television, films, and propaganda, there’s this idea it’s some simple, noble life.

OK, the propaganda isn’t bad as it obviously convinced people, but still.

As much as I recognize this weird delusional retro-faux-Americana for what it is, I actually think there is something there in this desire to be on the farm. It’s just not stuff that a lot of farming and ideas of farming really brings. Within the delusion is a desire for something deeper, and possibly less butcheirng-a-pig intensive.

Farming promises clarity. Put something in the ground and it’s food. Raise an animal and it’s food (and other materials). It’s bounded and obvious. You know - sort of - what you get.

Farming promises cycles. Seasons come and go. Rain comes and goes. Things grow and are harvested. There’s a regularity to it, even if our changing climate is currently messing with that.

Farming promises connection. You eat what you raise in many cases. You live in the seasons. You know the land and the sky.

Farming promises reliability - even if we know it doesn’t always deliver. All that clarity and cycles and connection is predictable and gives you a sense of power. You do this, you get food, you eat, you go on.

I think, down deep, sincerely a lot of people who fantasize about farming and similar ways to run away just want that clear, predictable, connected, reliable life away from what feels like a lot of bullshit. They’re just tired of things that mean nothing to them, are shallow, and are annoyingly unpredictable.

When you watch the stock market crash because a cryptobro is found inebriated dressed as Naruto in front of Grand Central Station so people sell stock in his company? You can kind of get behind “maybe too much of life is stupid.”

I’ve been thinking about this because of tales and legends of heroes, sages, and so on that had phases of living on a farm or retiring to one. There’s that desire for simplicity and reliable cycles, and maybe I’m not up for a farm but know what? Maybe I can bring those things into my life.

I can reduce the bullshit in my life. I can avoid overcomplication. I do work (medical IT) that keeps me in touch with reality. I can focus on and cultivate predictable, reliable things. I can make my own “farm” by cultivating things that grow and sustain in life. Friendships, connections, a career that is connected, hobbies that bring me closer to others, and so on.

Plus, seriously, just avoid things like skeevy crypto stocks and the like. We all know that leads to Grand Central Station Incidents.

Steven Savage

www.StevenSavage.com

www.InformoTron.com

#farm #dreams #fantasies #relaxation #simplicity

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ghostspectre42 · 8 months

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Staaaarrrrrfiiiieeelllddd

I played it and sunk like 19+ hours into it so far and it's more Bethesda-styled RPG but in s p a c e .

I found myself very much enjoying the exploration aspect of the game as well as the combat. There's lots to do and lots of quests with lots to earn. Speech and lockpicking have been changed. I like the new speech as it doesn't feel like a skill check and makes you actually need to convince them. Lockpicking requires you to actually use a little part of your brain.

I don't have much thought on the main story as I have yet to finish it, but I found myself liking the side content better than the main stuff like for example I thought I could apply for a regular job but I ended up participating in corporate espionage. I don't know how I got here, but I'm too far deep into it and there's no stopping it. Thankfully, you don't start off as a prisoner in this game so that's a thumbs up. Combat is serviceable and it feels slightly better than Fallout 4.

I'm very surprised how much I enjoyed Starfield's art style. Initially, I thought I would dislike it as most other über serious sci-fi always aim for needlessly overcomplicated aesthetics with too much shit on it, but I found myself finding it oddly cozy. I don't know why, but I wanna live in New Atlantis or in my kitbashed spaceship.

Outpost and shipbuilder is cool but I'm a fucking dumbass as I have no clue on how to build a ship without flight check errors or a working outpost that doesn't look I'm trying to break the world record of the most amount of OSHA violations in one workspace.

I don't like how weirdly restrictive the space navigation is. This might be me as I'm used to No Man's Sky's spaceships. I don't like that you don't have any form of control over your ship and where you want it to go. Your spaceship is basically a glorified fast travel vehicle that goes from planet to planet by playing a cutscene. Dock? Cutscene. Thought you could just undock? Nope, watch this cutscene! Land? Cutscene and you can't move it from it's landing spot. Taking off?? Fuck you, cutscene!

Another thing I don't like is that some essential combat mechanics are locked behind a skill point. Seriously when you enter this game make sure to unlock the jetpack, stealth, and ship targeting on your skills. These things are essential to the game. Why is it locked in the first place?????

Also the lack of ground vehicles is very painful. Please give me a rover so I won't spend an eternity walking on this barren planet. At least there's fast travel in your ship, but PLEASE I NEED A ROVER.

Overall, I like this game and I think it's good despite my issues with it. If you like Fallout 4 and how Bethesda does their RPGs, and/or you genuinely love sci-fi, I'm happy to say that Starfield might be up your alley. But if you hate Bethesda's usual RPGs, you should stay away from this one.

#video games #starfield #pc games #gaming

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unsettlingcreature · 1 year

Text

things i learned from various ttrpg systems (both playing & GMing):

pathfinder 2e

they were right all this time. i should play pathfinder.

committing to learning a new system is scary for everyone involved. so long as someone is willing to take the lead as the GM, people will often follow even if they are starting from scratch.

... honestly it taught me how complicated d&d's CR rating is. it is so much easier setting up encounters in p2e

dungeons and dragons 5e

sometimes it doesn't matter that other systems would do XYZ better. sometimes people just want to play dungeons and dragons.

you don't have to pull punches when fighting. players find it fun when the fight isn't cut and dry. make your players have to think and strategise, it'll make them feel smart and cool. look for synergies between creatures. find ways of the enemy controlling the battlefield or changing the stakes in unexpected ways. use a wizard to cast Jump on a creature that already has a longer jump distance. make the monster jump 60ft in a turn and knock down its target on a failed save. put two of those monsters in. it'll be funny. trust me, bro.

leading on from that, if the players go down, that just means you ran a hard encounter. if a TPK accidentally happens, you should already have something up your sleeve for this. press the "DM made an oopsie" button.

don't make all combat encounters hard. it's boring. it's a slog.

i know we all know about the infamous DMPCs but like. your players are the main characters in their own story. if there's a cast of powerful DMPCs running around and doing the fighting for you, then the players can be overshadowed. restrain yourself.

yes you should work out what people's boundaries are. whether it's an informal "pls no xyz" or a consent form or listed lines and veils... do it. it's much better than multiple players dropping out of your game because they got surprised with an extensive storyline about triggering topics.

also accept that sometimes, people will mess up or not realise that something is triggering to them. communicate. these people are hopefully your friends. nobody likes friends getting hurt. talk it through. figure out how to avoid it in future.

it's ok to cut to the next scene. we don't need to always see the in-betweens.

sometimes, simpler is better. it can be easy to overcomplicate rolls or skills. does it add depth? is it fun? usually no.

monsterhearts 2 (also pbta)

even if the "only" stakes are personal relationships, that can be enough to get players hooked on the game

roleplaying horny stuff with you friends while your other friends listen is terrifying and someone WILL end up a blushing mess (it might be you. it might be everyone involved).

blades in the dark

this is how you get yourself ready to set a scene. every district is so clear in its vibes and ambience, but they keep it to simple bullet points. I have stolen this for every game in future, it is so easy to replicate and makes describing scenes so simple.

FATE

look, this was early in my GMing years but it taught me how to add stakes and drama without relying on combat and hitpoints.

it also taught me that when things go wrong, that is also fun. LOSE! LOSE YOUR GAMES MORE OFTEN! IT'S SO MUCH FUN!

ten candles

terrify your players. start with a lot of npcs. kill them off, quickly at first. as it stretches on, pinpoint which ones the players gravitate towards. let them get into dangerous situations and live... until suddenly they don't, right at the end.

also figure out which ones they don't like. make them keep surviving, if only because it'll make the players frustrated. redeem them or make them likeable, if only slightly. then just as the party are no longer hating them... kill them.

kill off characters mid-arc. the more unsatisfying the end to their story, the more you can see how it could have finished, the better.

it's important to have downtime in between the high-stress moments. if it's all stress, they never let their guards down. when they let their guards down, that's when you can scare them the most.

yes, this game taught me how to emotionally scar my players. teehee.

#ttrpg #tabletop #dnd #this was fun to make now i have a glazed donut :)

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igiveanf · 1 year

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Spring Clothes Fitting Too Snug? DO THIS NOW.

Maybe you're feeling a little like our fur baby, Daisy - spring is coming and spring clothes aren't fitting quite like they used to.

(In this case, what actually happened is our 11 year old son grossly underestimated the size of our dog when he purchased her sweater) - but you get my point.

Colder weather prompts hibernation mode and that usually means we are more likely to be found curled up on a comfy couch in a warm room rather than going for a walk or a bike ride.

It also could mean we are consuming more comfort food. Snacks, alcohol, chips and fast food all tend to increase over the winter months.

Throw in less sun (lowered vitamin d stores), and this combination is enough to increase body weight and de-energize even the most energetic people.

So, what's my suggestion?

Well, here's what I won't do; I won't tell you to go out and buy a new wardrobe because that's not necessary (though it is for Daisy, she definitely needs to size up!)

Instead, I'll tell you that weight loss is easier than you think. We tend to overcomplicate it and put too much pressure on ourselves in the process but it really is a simple undertaking and one that requires just a few minor changes.

Below are three things you can start now that will ensure that your spring wardrobe fits you better than Daisy's new sweater.

1. MOVE MORE. I'm not telling you to do endless hours of exercising. I'm telling you to integrate more movement into your daily living in 10-minute increments.

For example, in the morning, go for a 10 minute walk. Take a 10-minute lunch break and do the same thing. Then, in the evening, just after dinner, before the relaxing begins, take another 10 minutes to move your body. This could be anything - a walk, skating, snowshoeing, or playing outside with the kids - some kind of movement needs to happen in the evening.

Studies show that increased movement throughout the day is the difference maker for most weight loss goals.

2. EXERCISE. Okay I didn't say no exercising in the above, I said no to hours and hours of it. Here is the fact; you NEED to exercise. I NEED to exercise. We all NEED to exercise, for the purpose of improving and maintaining our health. 20-45 minutes, 3-4 times a week is plenty. It doesn't have to be big to be good.

If you've fallen out of a regular exercise routine, now is the time to get back into it. BEFORE spring arrives.

Establish something manageable and then ask a friend or family member to either join you or hold you accountable - a coach at New U Studio can do that for you, too.

Like it or not, we all need accountability because we are all going to face a time when we aren't in the mood to exercise, or when life's to-do list piles up sky high and we just can't seem to fit it in.

That's when we need that person in place and ready to remind us to DO IT ANYWAYS - even if we don't want to or can't seem to find the time.

Oh, and while I have you on fitness, you've gotta lift some heavy stuff. Cardio alone isn't enough to support your bones or metabolism. You'll need weights AND cardio to get the best results - a little yoga in there is good for the mind and body too.

3. EAT BETTER. Choose healthier choices, especially in the evenings. I'm not saying you need to diet, or live ridgedly on chicken and broccoli, but I am saying that evening calories are notorious for being the unhealthy ones.

"I can be so healthy throughout the day, but as soon as after supper hits, the train is off the tracks."

Sound familiar? You're not at all alone. And guess what? You absolutely still can have a snack, but hear me out on this and please make a plan for it.

Decide for healthier snacks during the week, for example, popcorn, veggies and hummus, nuts and seeds, fruit and greek yogurt, and then pick one night to have your favorite chips or chocolate.

This way you still get to have what you love but you're just not having it all the time. Moderation is important and often times we let things slip beyond moderation and we simply have too much of the not soo good stuff. Bringing things back to a balance with your food choices as best you can will pay off.

Oh, and water, water, water - it's what you're made of so like it or not, YOU NEED TO DRINK LOTS OF IT.

These three changes will go a very long way, not only for your waist line but also for your mood, your energy, and your mental health. It's honestly an all-around win.

Remember, if you're struggling to get started, please ask for help. There are so many people that would absolutely love to join you in refocusing on healthier living, and there are so many people who would love to help you do it, myself included.

But if you don't ask, you don't get, so ask!

Happy almost spring.

Yours in health,

Alison Brown

#fuelyourbody #fitness and food

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kingdomoftyto · 2 years

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So there’s this Chinese light novel I’ve been reading for the past few weeks and my partner and I are obsessed and the fandom for it is criminally tiny so please read CARD ROOM and suffer with us... please

First off, ignore the synopsis on the translator’s website; it’s terrible and useless. What the story is ACTUALLY about is a quiet, intellectual young man, Xiao Lou, dying in an accident and waking up in the “Card World”, a game-like reality where he has to complete a series of challenges to win the chance to return to life.

The type of challenge varies by the card suit assigned to each “room”. Hearts rooms are murder mysteries, Diamonds are puzzles and labyrinths, Spades are survival challenges, and Clubs usually deal with gambling and direct competition. Xiao Lou happens to be a professor of forensic science, so his skillset and reasoning ability make the first few Hearts and Diamonds rooms a breeze, but he’s also a bit of a frail nerd who’s less good at fighting off monsters and assassins in the survival-based Spades rooms.

Enter Yu Hanjiang, stoic policeman and acquaintance of Xiao Lou’s before both of them happened to die in separate accidents on the same day. Yu Hanjiang isn’t as quick-witted as Xiao Lou when it comes to puzzles, but his reasoning abilities are strong due to his experience with investigating criminals, and when it comes to combat and survival he’s a fearless one-man army. He’s tough and heroic and most importantly has both a powerful sense of duty and desire to defend the innocent.

They team up.

They fall in love.

It’s really, really cute.

Along the way, Xiao Lou and Yu Hanjiang recruit several other teammates who are all equally quirky and great. Even the ones you don’t think you’ll care that much about will end up feeling like irreplaceable parts of the family by the end--and they really DO all end up as one big tight-knit family. Gentle Xiao Lou and reliable Yu Hanjiang are the hyper-competent glue that binds this ragtag group of people together in their shared goal of leaving the Card World and living peaceful lives back in the real world.

If you aren’t yet convinced and/or don’t mind some spoilers, check behind the cut for me gushing about a few of the fun tropes that come into play and also a couple of brief content warnings

I had a ton of stuff spoiled for me before I decided to give it a read but seeing it all happen in its proper context is so fulfilling and great that frankly it didn’t ruin the experience at all. With that said, in no particular order, this light novel contains such classic tropes as:

slow-burn mutual pining

overcomplicated magic/skills system

overprotectiveness

historical AU (yes, AUs within a story. it’s fine. keep up.)

BEDSHARING

no really there’s copious bedsharing both before and after they get together and it’s my favorite thing. they’re so dumb.

FAKE MARRIED ARC

oblivious teammates (except one dude who is also queer and spends the entire novel just kind of smirking in the background)

space travel AU

merfolk AU

crossdressing (only sort of played for a joke. mostly it’s... heartwarming? eventually. it’s hard to explain lol)

everybody playing Werewolf. just straight-up the hidden-role party game Werewolf.

hurt/comfort

mouth-to-mouth CPR followed by lots of angsty internal debate over whether that was too close to a kiss and ghnjadsghas they’re so STUPID

TELEPATHIC COMMUNICATION

honestly just a bunch of really wonderful, kind, compassionate characters who love each other and make me feel good to read about :)

And finally, a few quick content warnings/disclaimers. This is not an exhaustive list:

LOTS of blood and violence!! The very first Hearts room involves murder and dismemberment and it pretty much keeps going downhill from there. Some of the deaths in this get pretty brutal and twisted. Gunshots, poison, immolation, and even graphic parasitic infections happen frequently. Also, main characters are not exempt from major injuries and illness.

Paranoia and distrust are really prominent elements, especially later in the novel, as some villainous characters regularly try to impersonate members of the team. (However, Xiao Lou and Yu Hanjiang have a very strong bond and never lose trust in each other.)

Yu Hanjiang is very much a classic hero cop archetype, solving some of his problems with violence and always being praised for his skills at intimidation and interrogation, etc. It’s not really any different from what you’d expect to see in a typical American police procedural, but I wanted to be up front about it.

There’s a secondary pairing that gets very, very slowly built up in the background that involves two men with an age gap of about ~10 years. It’s... definitely a little weird, and doubly so because there’s also a wealth gap involved, but they are both adults by the time there’s any real attempt of getting together, so it... could be worse?

This novel is from China and, while there’s not a lot of overt nationalism or anything particularly uncomfortable in that regard, there are a handful of cultural differences that did still take me off guard. For instance, I guess all people convicted of murder are automatically sentenced to death in China, so that’s... uh, interesting! None of the characters have any reason to think this is weird and in fact treat it as totally normal and ethical.

#Card Room #light novel rec #Xiao Lou and Yu Hanjiang basically spend the entire novel proudly pointing at the other like''Look at how brilliant and cool my husband is''#and They're Right.#...anyway yeah when I say ''the fandom is small'' I mean there are currently four (4) fics on AO3 lol rip

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year2000electronics · 3 years

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Tumblr's being weird and won't let me find the Dark Moon rewrite post. I think there was one where you explained the story behind it, at least?

I JUST HAVENT MADE A FULL POST ON IT IM SORRYYYY but i can do bullet points of what’s going down

- so basically this kinda comes from a place of me like. liking dark moon but wishing it had more Characters. so it started with making boss ghosts and then kinda escalated

- so the plot is luigi is looking for e gadd after he went missing in a place near the mansion called evershade valley, unfortunately along the way we see a flash of lightning, a scream, and then cut to darkness

- it fades back in and it’s revealed that luigi is now... a GHOST!! oh no! (this would be the main ‘gimmick’ of the game like how mansion 3 had gooigi as a big selling point)

- he realizes he’s in a lab and he’s been captured by a ghost researcher named professor evershade who said his ghostly dna seemed different somehow so he wanted to see more

- luigi explains the situation and asks if he can help him contact e gadd but all lines to him are dead- evershade theorizes that he must have been taken by the same spectre that turned luigi into a ghost, and luigi immediately goes ‘KING BOO....’ bc who else does he have beef with.

- evershade suggests that if they defeat the four rulers of the nearby mansions they can assemble the dark moon, an artifact that will make sure no ghost will be able to cause their own mischief again

- luigi agrees, and in the meantime evershade says he can try to work on a way to see if he can change luigi back from a ghost

- he uses the same teleportation device e gadd does in dark moon to get luigi in and out of evershades lab, and luigi usually winds up in the small garden which leads to the four mansions

- (meta talk here- the multiple mansion exploring and evershades appearance are meant to kinda trick the player into thinking that it’s a ‘different character same purpose’ scenario, like how both goombario and goombella are tattling goombas)

- (you also get access to regular luigi after clearing one or two rooms in the first mansion- this serves as a bit of a tutorial segment for ghost luigis abilities and how youll be able to switch between ghost luigi and regular luigi to accomplish different tasks)

- ghost luigi probably has the power of a portrait ghost himself, so would have abilities such as the ability to scare other ghosts into fleeing a room or scaring them into doing stuff for him (which would serve as both a puzzle solution and a short-term solution for any segments where you may be stuck as ghost luigi), there are also other abilities like passing through walls (but most new rooms will be VERY dark so it would be hard to suss out details), spectral wind, etc. regular luigi is the one able to catch ghosts though, and regular and ghost forms will often interact in puzzles like a slightly less co-op based luigi and gooigi system

- the first mansion, gloomy manor, is a pretty standard mansion, it’s very old and filled w cobwebs. the boss is a spider-themed ghost, madame moufette. she says the mansions been lost to time and now only the spiders and ghosts live there

- the second mansion, haunted towers, is... actually only a one floor lobby. it’s only when you take the elevator that you realize the entire building is underground and it leads you to a literal icy bunker where an arctic ghost, macready, has spent ages under the bunker and is convinced that a light wielding beast is hunting him down

- the third mansion, treacherous mansion, is a house of illusion, led by a chess-playing ghost named rook. there are stuff like portals, tv static, living suits of armour, the like. rook’s message to luigi is that not everything is as it seems in evershade valley

- luigi comes back from treacherous mansion and gives evershade the third piece of the dark moon, which is when evershade reveals he had the fourth piece of the dark moon all along- and. here’s where things get fucky wucky i’m so sorry

- evershade lifts his goggles and takes off his hat and reveals that HE’S luigi from the future. after the events of mansion 1, luigi eventually decided to become an apprentice to e gadd and became a full time ghost researcher. things don’t seem so different at first but unfortunately e gadd game-overs and so luigi is left all on his own. which is a bummer. with his mentor gone luigi throws himself into his work, neglecting going on adventures with mario to a point that he just stops getting invited... (took mario a VERY long time to stop asking though. make no mistake) over time he becomes a bit of a recluse and his curious and observant nature kinda becomes a hunger for knowledge... he wants to know just what the strange and unusual is and what makes it tick. he also starts using professor evershade as a pen name bc ‘dr mario’ gets people asking about his research for the wrong reasons. though not only does he become more curious but he gets very very bored. ghosts are just poltergeists, tricksters... they’re nothing without a leader. luigi tries to bring back king boo, he invents all sorts of things to try- but the one thing the professor did that he didn’t was invent that damn portrait machine (which has rusted and broken with time- it’s been like, 20-25 years at this point).

- basically, what starts out as ‘i need to bring king boo back so i can have a proper rogues gallery of ghosts to study’ turns into ‘i need to bring king boo back but why would i even defeat him? this is great for paranormal studies’ so yeah. now evershade would like to see the ghost world at its fullest power

- he time travelled back to the past to try and convince e gadd to free king boo (yes he made a time machine hashtag smart) but e gadd fights back, destroying the portrait machine he built. evershade is Angry about this and decides if he won’t help him... perhaps someone else will. his ‘time machine’ is actually a large building that affects all of evershade valley, so it, how it was 20 years into the future, was brought into the past. his backup plan was to trap luigi in evershade valley by turning him into a ghost and making him collect the dark moon shards that he had always wanted but couldn’t get (his ghost researching skills are fine but his ghost hunting skills are out of shape. he could have done that in the first place but he kinda wanted to see his old mentor again.)

- the dark moon itself is an artifact split into four parts bc its effect on ghosts is too much to stand, even for ghosts- it’d give whoever owns it absolute power over the paranormal world and its residents, so the four mansion ghosts have taken it upon themselves to protect them (evershades original plan also involved teaming up with king boo to defeat the ghosts and take the dark moon for themselves)

- (actually, the fourth mansion ghost is polterpup! the dark moon piece WAS in his collar but a certain evershade stole it after the doggy lets his guard down around luigi

- evershade, using the dark moons power, casts a blacklight into king boos painting and finally frees him, offering him ultimate power and ruling over ghosts if they work together as a team. king boo finds this hashtag funny so he’s like ok

- then, luigi gets teleported out of the lab before he can try and stop them. polterpup points him towards where evershades lab has been all along- the fourth and final mansion, old clockworks

- in there luigi finds e gadd being held hostage, where he reveals evershade was trying to threaten him into freeing king boo

- as ghost luigi you also experience side effects of the dark moon in this final dungeon, like controller inputs not working or luigi needing to stop and wrestle off a headache

- so yea... final boss is basically king boo fighting you and evershade cheering him on and you need to counter king boos attacks so that they hit the dark moon and destroy it

- luigi sucks up king boo.... LOL

- evershade is defeated and he doesn’t even have an evil monologue he just kinda stares at luigi unimpressed like ‘really? this is the route you’re taking’ and luigi silently just kinda grabs onto e gadd and whatever toads are in this game. and neither of them say anything

- somewhere in old clockworks a clock goes off, and all the rest of them do too (the one time you hear every clock in sync). fade to white and e gadd and luigi wake up in an empty field where a construction worker asks if they’re ok. pan out to reveal evershade is gone and there’s apparently a construction crew hoping to build four brand new buildings here in this valley

UM THATS IT LOL.... it’s rly overcomplicated i know. i’m sorry.

#mothra answers #yea it’s like 2am so the explanation still sucks but basically it’s like.#everything IS on evershades grocery list. he just wasn’t expecting that order #like his thought was get king boo then team up to get dark moon #but dark moon then king boo is ok too.#long post

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tessiete · 3 years

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Dude.. just read through your whole year-on-the-run fic (well, what’s been posted of it, excited to read the yet-to-be chapters as they drop) and it is SO good. I’m not usually one for war politics and I don’t have very much legends/legends adjacent Mandalore knowledge, but your writing held my interest in both subjects with ease. I don’t have the words right now to describe how invested I got in it and how enjoyable and emotional it was to read but I can say that I think you did an EXCELLENT job with the characterizations of the main cast. (aspec Obi gang!!!) - a secret admirer who is considering drawing something based on your writing, and also apologizes for how incoherent this might be as it is 2am and my brain shuts off at 11:30 💕

AHHH! Nony! I'm so sorry for the delay in answering this - truthfully, I wanted to reply at a reasonable hour that you might see it during, but I live at the end of the timezones and so often miss EVERYONE.

But allow me first of all, to THANK YOU!

I received this comment while I was at work, and I must have read it a hundred times while I was meant to be serving customers. No regrets!

And also, let me say how relieved I am to hear everything you commented on! I'm not obsessively into Mando-Lore, and my Legends knowledge is selective (some of these comics are SO hard to find, now!), but my ultimate goal is not to stick religiously to either legends or canon, but to smooth out the wrinkles between them to make something believably compliant with both!

To that end, I'm doing my best to make all the information accessible, and relevant to the plot. I try not to drop too much, too fast, or overcomplicate things. The handy thing is that the Jedi - particularly Obi-Wan - has no idea what's going on, so if I need some exposition he just pipes up with a question!

The other stuff I like to hint at, and then save for bombshells later (Galidraan and it's ties to Dooku being the first, but keep an eye on Melida/Daan!), which I hope helps to mitigate the feeling of being in the dark. I really want this to be something that *anyone* with basic SW knowledge can read and love.

Mixed, of course, with enemies to lovers, and UNREASONABLE HEAPS of hopeless pining! But that's par for the course.

Truly, thank you SO much for assuaging so many of my fears, and being so kind in your compliments. Really, truly made my week!

AND THEN TO SAY THAT IT HAS INSPIRED YOU CREATIVELY AS WELL?! Well, that's just...that's just incredible. Seriously, I don't know what to say except thank you, and I'm happy I could incite such joy in you. Anything you create, I'd love to see! <3

And thank you for taking the time to reach out and talk to me!

#nony #my fic #asked and answered #thank you so much!#only hope #obitine #obi-wan kenobi #satine kryze #<33333

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pawjamas · 3 years

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hey..i’ve been back from my stay at the residential facility for several days now and A lot happened, which i’m putting under a a readmore bc it’s potentially triggering (warning for mentions of s*xual abuse/gasl*ghting/etc) my life is basically being uprooted, so much happened in the month of June and is currently still happening, which i’ll explain below

i was admitted to the residential facility on June 9th, it seemed super promising, there was an abundance of 4-5 star reviews from patients online. my friend who currently is working in the mental health field researched about the facility and also confirmed that it seemed a lot better than most places are. the first day was kind of rough and i knew getting adjusted would be difficult but could never have expected what happened the following several days to happen. i made friends pretty quickly, my roommate on the first day there was very kind to me, she told me if i ever needed someone to talk to that she’d be there for me, we also shared the fact we were both nonbinary/just a lot of things we had in common so it was comforting to know her on the first day there.

i spoke to my psychiatrist the next day who told me i could get off “close observations” which is why i was in the room i was, the label is basically something you get put on if you’re at risk for s*lf h*rm/etc and need a staff member w/ you at all times. so since i was taken off of that i was switched to a different room with a different roommate. she was a 60 yr old woman who was in the other program offered at the facility (mine was mental health related and hers was for substance abuse/addiction) i didn’t feel too comfortable around her the first night, she complained about every single thing, she never participated in the groups offered at the facility, she told me over and over again how much she hated being here. the next few days were a blur and are still very fuzzy, my mind is still keeping all the memories locked away which has happened to me many times before w/ trauma where everything’s vague and not fully there.

basically, over the course i was roommates w/ this woman she groomed me and manipulated me into doing anything she wanted me to do for her, she physically/s*xually assaulted me multiple times, and caused my mental health to plummet even further than i thought was possible. i eventually did get to switch rooms, and i only recalled (again, vaguely) what happened those nights about a week later and reported it to the staff where half of them treated it like a joke. i went to the hospital the night i reported everything to get examined and ended up calling my mom on my friend’s phone (she drove to the hospital and stayed w/ me the whole time) and my mom was probably the worse to take my trauma/situation out of anyone. she told me i should’ve spoken up sooner, asked why i didn’t defend myself from this woman, basically the whole phone call was her blaming me for not doing anything about my assault. when i hung up my friend even told me that what she said wasn’t okay, and was victim-blaming.

i left the hospital and got back to the facility around 1:00 am, and the following days i spent there i was continuously getting worse because being in the environment my trauma had happened was preventing me from healing, plus i literally had to be in the same rooms as the person who had assaulted me and seeing her was extremely triggering. she continuously would call me crazy and delusional and that i made the entire thing up, i had difficulty telling what was real and what was not because of how bad i was treated by her and the staff. i’m thankful i met some really kind patients there that became my friends, they helped me the most out of anyone there. at one point a nurse had pulled me into a room and told me how i should never have spoken up about my abuse, how i should consider how it makes my abuser feel, and stop talking to the friends i made about it. but i’m glad i had people who would actually listen.

i mentioned it once but again, my mom was probably the worst person to talk to when all this was happening, at one point one evening when phones were available i called her and told her i needed to leave, i wanted to come home because this all of this was affecting me so badly, and she screamed over and over that i can’t come home and i have to stay, that it’s too bad that happened but continuing to do the program was more important. at that point i broke down and cried, begging her to let me come home and she screamed repeatedly for me to shut up and then hung up on me.

after that evening i knew that i wouldn’t be taking any shit from her any longer, i called my friend who lived nearby about her the following day or so, asked if i could stay with her at her apartment, which didn’t end up happening because we both worried my mom being as spiteful as she is would take legal action if i did leave w/ my friend instead of my mom. i ended up talking to a couple of the friends i made there that i was having bad intrusive thoughts, and that evening i was baker acted (involuntarily hospitalized) and transferred to another facility, which could’ve been because of the staff or me being reported for the thoughts i was having, but regardless i was away from my abuser and didn’t have to see her again.

the hospital i stayed at was...a lot worse than the other place, i barely got to speak to the psychiatrist/therapist during my entire time there, people would joke about how little time you got w/ them. they ended up keeping me there longer than the required 72 hrs, which i asked multiple people why and never got an answer, at one point my mom wanted to make sure i was sent back to the residential facility of which i had to explain would be detrimental to me and my health, but as usual when she had her mind set on something she won’t listen to reason or anyone who explains other (more beneficial) options.

i ended up calling my friend that lived back in the town i live in, told her the whole story and what’s been going on, and ultimately asked if i could move in with her because her and her family had already offered to let me. she was more than happy to have me move in, so that’s what i ended up planning on doing when i got discharged, was have her pick me up instead of my mom. and i called my mom to tell her that i’d be moving out, all the reasons why it’d be beneficial to us both, she took it horribly and told me if my friend picks me up i can never ever come home again and that i’m kicked out. i told her that’s fine, even though it hurt so badly when she said it.

finally, the following monday i was discharged, my friend from back home picked me up along w/ her husband, and we made sure to get all my things from the residential facility (my clothes/shampoo/makeup/etc) before heading back to her house, which was about an hour and a half drive home.

so now i’m staying w/ her, i still feel out of place and disoriented and uncomfortable but her and her family have been very welcoming. i’m trying to get all my stuff from my mom’s but it’s been a huge struggle to get anything from her because she loves to overcomplicate anything and then make it seem as if it’s all your doing and she’s the biggest, kindest saint ever to grace your life. my friends and i all think she has undiagnosed/untreated bipolar, and i definitely think she at least needs therapy and meds too but she doesn’t believe in either for herself. i just want my stuff back, and i do miss my room a lot and jazzy but there’s no way i’m getting either back, i’m also worried how my mom is treating jazzy because she hates him and i’ve witnessed first-hand what she’s done to him before.

i might post my p*ypal / v*nmo (censoring bc i think tumblr is weird abt posts that have these keywords or smth) because i don’t have any income rn...thank you if you read all this lmao i still didn’t even cover half of the other stuff i went through at the place i was baker acted but essentially my life has been turned upside down and i’m having to figure out how to keep going despite it all

#diary 📖#please read if u can #i want to get my tablet back so i can open commissions #idk why my mom wouldn’t let me have it but she’s Super spiteful so who knows #i want my switch too/laptop i especially need my computer ughhh #genuinely when i thought things couldn’t get any worse there was an extra layer of hell for me to fall into

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thedanceronthestreets · 3 years

Text

PEDRO PASCAL GQ GERMANY - OCTOBER 2020

Original text by Esma Annemon Dil

Fotos by Doug Inglish

Styling by Simon Robins

Translated by @thedanceronthestreets

Intro: A broken tooth could almost have been the reason for our meeting with Pedro Pascal to be cancelled - and with that our conversation about roots, his new movie and times of change.

Interview: It is almost eery how empty the streets of Los Angeles are under the gleaming sun. While Europe is finding its "new normal", people in L. A. are cutting their own hair even without being neurotics. Many of them have not seen their friends in half a year. The pandemic is out of control. So are the reactions to the situation. Inviting someone to a "distance drink" in the backyard can lead to the same consternation as proposing a relationship partner exchange.

All the more of a surprise was Pedro Pascal's immediate confirmation. To the drink, not the partner exchange. He is one of the winners this year - and if Corona had not forced the movie industry to go on a holiday, he probably would not have had the time for this drink. After "Game of Thrones", the series in which his head was squished, followed 2015 the leading role in "Narcos" as a DEA agent on the hunt for Pablo Escobar, and now the leap onto the big Hollywood screen. As of 1. October the Chilean will appear in the blockbuster "Wonder Woman 1984". Furthermore, the second season of the "Star Wars" series "The Mandalorian" will start in October with him as the main character - unfortunately underneath the helmet. But we all seem to be under the same helmet in 2020. It is this man we want to meet, who worked as a waiter in New York a couple of years ago. Whose parents are political refugees that settled in Texas, and one day their son decided to walk into a drama club in high school.

And then the cancellation. While we were preparing the house and garden for Pedro's drink and fashion shoot, which isn't an easy task under L. A.'s restrictions, his management called in with terrible news: Pedro has - no, not Corona - had to receive emergency surgery due to a sore tooth and is now lying in bed with a swollen cheek, making talking or shooting impossible. The sun shines onto empty streets. And our empty garden.

A few days later, he stands in front of the door anyway, no huge bulge in his face, but stitches in his gum. No limousine service that dropped him off, he arrived in his own car and picked up his makeup artist on the way. He helps her to carry in all the equipment and states first and foremost: "I've got time today!" What a star! It does not seem like we are about to ask him how he managed to become a Hollywood sensation, but rather him asking us that question. Pedro Pascal! So, what kind of star is he then?

Pedro Pascal: Sorry for ruining your plans. The operation was a total emergency.

GQ: Really? We were wondering whether the swelling was the result of a secret trip to the plastic surgeon. Apparently, because of the quarantine in Hollywood, their schedules are packed.

Sorry to disappoint you. A few days before our appointment I raced to the hospital with a tooth fracture and the worst pain I've ever felt - a hospital where the severe Corona cases are treated. I was unable to contact any dentists! Right before I parked, a specialist called back. I'll spare you the details of the surgery, gruesome. The pain was excruciating despite the 10 anaesthetic shots. The doctor said I wasn't the only one going through this, a lot of people grind their teeth at night thanks to stress.

What are you most afraid of at the moment?

The way the government is handling the pandemic scares me more than the virus itself. The lack of intelligent crisis management is a moral disgrace. The leadership crisis makes orphans out of all of us - we're left to fend for ourselves.

How have you spent the last few months?

With frozen pizza in jogging trousers in Venice Beach. I live in a rear building that's in the garden belonging to a family. In reality there are enough good takeout restaurants around that area, but for some reason I like salami pizza from the supermarket.

That doesn't exactly sound like the movie star lifestyle. What does it feel like to be forced from top speed to zero?

Considering the things happening in this world, my own state really isn't the top priority. But I would have to lie, if I said I wasn't disappointed. The entire cast and crew of "Wonder Woman 1984" put so much heart and soul into the production. We had so much fun on set. I had hoped to carry this feeling of exuberance around the globe to the openings of this movie.

You are part of a political, socialist family that fled the Pinochet regime in Chile. What do you remember from back then?

My sister and I were born in Chile, but I was only nine months old when we claimed asylum in Denmark. From there, we moved to San Antonio in Texas, where my dad worked as a doctor in a hospital.

Texas isn't exactly considered to be socialist utopia. How well did you settle in?

San Antonio isn't a cowboy city but rather very diverse with large Asian, Afro-American and Latino communities. In my memory it's a romantic place, culturally inclusive. The cultural shock only hit when we moved to Orange County in California later. Suddenly, the environment was white, preppy and conservative.

How were you welcomed in California?

To this day I'm ashamed when I think about how I let my classmates call me Peter without correcting them. I'm Pedro. Even without growing up in Chile, the country and language are part of me. I was quite unhappy in that place. At least I was able to switch schools and visit one in Long Beach, where I felt more comfortable. With its theatre programme, I found my path.

Could you visit your family's homeland as a child?

Yes, after my parents ended up on a list of expats that were permitted to re-enter the country. First, there was a big family gathering, then me and my sister were parked at some relatives' place for a few months while my parents returned to Texas. They probably needed a break from us. They'd had us at a very young age, had a vibrant social life, and my mother was doing her doctorate in psychology.

Was your mother a typical young psychologist that tested her knowledge at home?

You mean whether I was her lab rat? Absolutely. I can remember weird sessions camouflaged as games, where someone would watch my reactions to different toys. Even though I couldn't have been older than 6, I knew what was happening. My favourite thing was to be asked about my dreams. That was always a great opportunity to make up fantastic stories.

Was that your first performance?

Definitely! My strong imagination alarmed my mother, because I'd rather live in my fantasy world than in real life. I didn't like school. I ended up in the "problematic kid" category. At some point the subjects got more interesting and my grades improved. So many children are unnecessarily diagnosed with learning disabilities without considering that school can be daunting. Why is it acceptable to be bored out of your mind in class, when there are more stimulating ways to convey knowledge?

With everything happening in the world this summer: Do you believe that social hierarchy structures are genuinely being reconsidered?

Hopefully. After the lockdown my first contact with people was at the Black Lives Matter protest. The atmosphere was peaceful and hopeful until the police got involved and provoked violence. At least during these times we can't avoid problems or distract ourselves from them as easily as we usually do. It seems that the pandemic provided us with a new sense of clarity: we don't want to go on like this.

The trailer of "Wonder Woman 1984" represents the optimism of the 80s. That almost makes one feel nostalgic nowadays.

That holds true. It's two hours of happiness. Patty Jenkins, the director, managed to make a movie full of positive messages. We shot in Washington, D. C., then in London and Spain - which now sounds like a different time.

Do you miss travelling?

I've only now realised what a privilege it is to just pack up your things and fly anywhere. With an American passport you can travel freely. And that's why the small radius we live in now is kind of absurd. Over the last few years I often retreated in between takes, because I was always on the road and overstimulated. Friends complained about how comfortable I had become. We all took social interactions for granted and realise now how reliant we are on human connection. Now, I wistfully think about all the party and dinner invitations I declined in the past.

In L. A., people spend more time indoors or in nature than in other metropolises. Could this city become your safe haven after New York City?

My true home is my friends. Ever since I was young I've lived the life of a nomad and haven't set roots anywhere. Until recently, my physical home was a place for arriving and leaving and hence I didn't want to overcomplicate living by owning lots of things. The opposite actually: Without having read Marie Kondo's book, I got rid of all the stuff that was unnecessary and lived a very minimalistic lifestyle.

Is there something you collect or could never say goodbye to?

Books! I still own the literature I read during my teen and university years. Recently I found a box of old theatre scripts and materials back from my uni days at NYU. I can't separate from art either, same as lamps or old pictures. Furniture and clothes are no problem though, they can be chucked.

Do you remember any roles that were defined by their costumes?

Yes, "Game of Thrones" comes to mind immediately. During that time I first understood what it means, as an actor, to be supported by a look. I owe that to costume designer Michele Clapton. She developed these very feminine robes and brocade cloaks for my role that looked very masculine when I wore them. I felt sexy in them. And very important were of course Lindy Hemming's power suits and Jan Sewell's blond hair for the tycoon villain Maxwell Lord in "Wonder Woman 1984". Relating to the style, I couldn't really see myself in the role since the shapes and colours of the 80s don't really fit my body. My type is the 70s.

Do you adopt such inspirations into your private closet?

At this point in time, I'll choose any comfortable outfit over a cool look. Sometimes I mourn the days when I defined myself with fashion. It's a bit mad when I think about how, in the 90s as a teenager, I would go to raves; a proper club kid with crazy outfits: overalls, chute trousers, soccer shirts and a top hat like in "The cat in the hat knows a lot about that!" by Dr Seuss. Later in NYC I was part of a group that placed immense value on wearing a certain style. The fact that I only walk around in joggers nowadays is actually unacceptable!

Normally, actors who work on comic screen adaptations become bodybuilders and eat ten boiled chicken breasts per day. You don't?

My body wouldn't be able to handle that. I find it difficult enough to maintain a minimum level of fitness. As of your mid 40s, you suddenly need a lot more discipline. Until the tooth incident happened, I worked out a couple of times a week with a trainer to keep the quarantine body in shape.

What would annoy you the most, if you were your own roommate?

I can be very bossy. I have to gather all my goodwill not to force my movie choice on to everyone else. When I want something, I'm not passive aggressive about it, I attack head on. Also, I can get caught up in tunnel vision: When i feel down, I can't imagine that I'm ever going to feel better again. I have difficulty with seeing the bigger picture when experiencing problems or emotions. Method acting really wouldn't be my thing. That's why I try to only work on projects that feel good and where people encourage and lift each other up.

While you were trying on the outfits you pointed out a lack of self-esteem. How does that coincide with your career?

Isn't it interesting how traits and circumstances go hand in hand? Self-esteem comes from the inside, but it's also influenced by what society believes. We use critical stares from the outside against ourselves. I lived in New York for 20 years, I studied there and worked as a waiter up until my mid 30s, because I couldn't live off acting. It was always so close. The disappointment of always just barely missing a perfect part or opportunity is exhausting. When is the right time to stop trying and what's plan b? That's not just a question actors ask themselves, but anybody who struggles to earn a livelihood - unrelated to how much potential they have or how close their dream may seem. We are beginning to see now how our narrow definition of success is destroying our communities. At the same time, it's becoming obvious that, until this day, your family background and skin colour determine your chances of living a dignified existence.

What are the positives of becoming a leading man later in life?

I have the feeling that I've got control over my life - without the pressure of having to accept projects or be a social media personality. That surely also has to do with the fact that I'm a man. Women are surely pressured to appear quirky at any age.

Life is always a management of risks - especially at this time. For what would you risk losing something?

Usually, if you don't play the game you're not going to win anything. That applies to friendship, love, work, creativity. Anything that really means something to me, is worth the risk.

Wonder woman 1984 will appear in cinemas 01.10. The 800 million dollar earning DC comic franchise is moving into the New York 80s with its sequel. It looks spectacular - only Pedro Pascal with blond hair in a three piece Wall Street suit looks better.

#pedro pascal #gq germany #Gq

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