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lavellenchanted · 2 years

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I’ll Crawl Home (3/?)

A post Infinity War reimagining where Sif survives the Snap and tries to find her way back to Thor.

Read on AO3

Gulls wheel and shriek overhead as the sleet-grey waves crash against the rocky cliffs stretching out along the shoreline. A stony path climbs up from the docks into green hills and cliffs topped with yellow grasses that sway in the breeze and whitewashed stone houses that reflect back the glare of the sun. The town is built around a wide, square dock and that seems to be the heart of the most of the activity, with small fishing boats going in and out and catches being hauled up to the road.

It is a far cry from the tall golden towers and sleek elegance of Asgard. As she walks down the main thoroughfare, Sif cannot help but grieve for all that has been lost even as her heart sores and tears gather in her eyes at the sight of Asgardian faces walking around her and the sound of Asgardian voices calling to each other. Her people were once the greatest warriors throughout nine realms, protectors and guardians who were respected and revered across the galaxy. Now they are barely enough to fill one small Midgardian town. When she passes the sign that has been altered to read Welcome to New Asgard, a sharp twist of sadness slices through her.

There isn’t room in the narrow, sloped maze of streets or on the dock to land a ship, and Sif had no wish to cause any alarm, so she brought hers down a little way outside the town and walked the rest of the way. At first she was frustrated at having to add even those few extra minutes to her journey, but now, seeing her people and knowing that, finally, she has reached the end of the search that has consumed her she almost wishes there were another ten miles to walk. Her stomach is a leaden weight of knots, while her heart beats frantically against her ribs like a bird trying to free itself from a cage.

Four years . . . Sif has been looking for Thor for four years, and in that time she has imagined their reunion many ways. But she never thought it would come after a cataclysm that destroyed their world and most of their people.

Will he even want to see her?

Or will he blame her, for not being there?

Her hands are shaking a little as she turns in a slow circle in the middle of the dock, trying to ascertain by sheer instinct where in the town she believes Thor would settle.

She must admit, Natasha was right about the clothes. The Norwegian wind rolling in off the sea is bitingly cold as it buffets her, and Sif is thoroughly glad of the thick knitted jumper, jeans and boots she wears. They are certainly better protection against the weather, but she cannot help but feel strangely vulnerable without her armour. At least she still has her sword, strapped to her waist. She puts a hand to the pommel and the touch soothes her a little.

Thor is her closest friend, and has been since they were small children. He championed her when she wished to become a warrior, and they have fought side by side countless times. No matter what else has happened, there is a bond between them that cannot be broken.

He may never love her the way she yearns for, but he will never turn her away or not be glad to see her. She has to believe that.

“Hey. Can I help you with something?”

Sif turns at the voice. The woman staring at her isn’t a face she knows, but there is an unmistakeable air of authority about the way she holds herself and the way others on the dock look towards her. Her long, curled dark hair is pulled back into a tight braid, and she wears the same sort of Midgardian clothes as everyone else, but Sif knows a fellow warrior when she sees one. Which would not be so remarkable – Asgard was a large place, after all, she hardly knew every single citizen – except that when she left four years ago, Sif was the only female warrior Asgard could boast.

“I am looking for Thor,” she replies, holding her head a little higher.

The woman raises an eyebrow. “And you would be . . .?”

“I am L –”

“Lady Sif!”

Before she can finish speaking, she is barrelled into by a small figure that wraps her in a hug. Startled, Sif stands there awkwardly until the figures pulls back to smile up at her, revealing a round, cherubic-like face with wide grey eyes and ash-blond hair.

“Fulla,” she breathes in surprise. It is the first face that she has known in years, and it causes a sudden, intense swell of emotion in her breast, so strong it almost chokes her. “It’s – it’s good to see you.”

“And you, my lady.” Fulla had been a friend in Sif’s childhood, but when she had gone to train as a warrior, Fulla had been taken into the palace as one of Frigga’s handmaidens. They had crossed paths occasionally, when Sif served in the Queen’s Guard and at feasts and celebrations. Fulla had been particularly favoured by the Queen, as she recalled, and wept most keenly at her funeral. “We never knew what happened to you after the King – though I suppose I should not say that, as it was not the King, but Loki in the end. When you did not return, we feared the worst. Praise Ymir, that you are safely returned.”

So they know of Loki’s deception. That is not such a surprise, having seen his body in its true form among the rest of their people; once Thor returned to Asgard it would not have taken him long to discover his brother, Sif is sure.

“I was trying to find Thor, but by the time I traced him he was already returning. I followed but I – I was too late. I am sorry.”

Fulla shakes her head. “No, do not be. You could not have stopped it. I am only glad you are here now.”

Sif tries to smile, but she’s not quite sure she manages it.

“Where is Thor now?”

For some reason, Fulla bites her lip and looks uncertain. “Well, he’s – he’s – ”

“He lives at the top of the hill,” the other woman, the warrior, interjects, peering at Sif with keen, dark eyes. “I’ll take her, Fulla.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” The offer is clearly a relief to her. “This is Lady Sif, one of Asgard’s fiercest warriors. Sif, this is Brunnhilde. She is a Valkyrie, and has been an invaluable help to us these last years.”

Sif’s eyes widen as she looks again at the woman, her mouth opening in quiet awe. A Valkyrie? It’s been over a millennium since the Valkyries rode. It was the tales of their deeds that first inspired Sif to take up a sword, and it was also those tales that had become her greatest obstacle in being accepted as a warrior – the Valkyries had been wiped out in their last great battle and, in the wake of their demise, the Lords of Asgard had begun discouraging women from taking up weapons.

“I thought the Valkyries were all gone,” she said.

Brunnhilde smirks a little, and rolls up her sleeve so Sif can see the white emblem that she knows so well emblazoned on her dark skin. For a moment she is a child again, tucked up in bed and listening to soft sound of her mother’s voice telling her stories of women in shining armour, riding winged mounts to defeat their enemies.

“All but one, and that isn’t for lack of trying on my part.”

“It’s an honour to meet you.” Sif feels a little dazed, to be meeting one of her childhood heroes in the flesh. In some strange, twisted way, she supposes it makes sense that such a dream would come true only at the literal end of their world.

“And you.” Brunnhilde gives her an assessing glance, but Sif isn’t sure what her conclusion is. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Indeed?”

“Mm. Thor has told me many stories about you, and your friends, the Warriors Three.”

She offers a small smile, as if to reassure Sif that the stories have all been happy and affectionate – but Sif is too distracted by the sudden, cold apprehension running down her spine. If Thor has only told her stories of their friends . . .

“Then our friends,” she says slowly, trying to keep her voice steady. “Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogunn – are they . . .?”

Realisation flashes across Brunnhilde’s face, quickly followed by sympathy. Fulla gasps, and as Sif’s gaze slides over her, her expression crumples.

“Oh. Oh, Sif . . . I’m so sorry.” She shakes her head, and Sif – who thought she had already felt as much grief as one person could in a lifetime – feels as if she is standing at the end of an ocean as a tidal wave advances, helpless to do anything but watch as it crashes down and pulls her under. “They didn’t – they fought so bravely. But she – she killed them.”

She? Sif isn’t sure who Fulla means, but at the this moment it doesn’t seem to matter.

In her mind she sees Fandral’s bright, charming grin, hears Volstagg’s roaring laughter that could fill any room, feels Hogunn’s quiet amusement as they shared an eyeroll at their friends’ antics. They cannot simply be gone, empty space where they used to stand beside her. Their last goodbye cannot have been the last time she will ever see them and speak to them. It’s unthinkable.

And yet the faces watching her now say that it’s true.

With Asgard obliterated and half the universe turned to dust, it was far too much to hope that they might all have escaped. Sif knows that – but it does not make the pain beating at her any less.

She wants to cry, or to scream, but she cannot do it here. Not now. She is fighting to keep her head above water, to keep breathing, and she can only focus on one thing.

“Thank you for telling me. Will you take me to Thor now, please?”

If she can just get to him, then perhaps she can survive this.

Brunnhilde nods, and there is something in her gaze that suggests she understands exactly what Sif is feeling. She starts up the hill, gesturing for Sif to follow. Fulla reaches out briefly to give Sif’s hand a squeeze, but stays behind, watching her go.

The chill breeze sweeping over her is a blessing, carrying away the tears gathering on her eyelashes before they can fall. She breathes in the salt on the air, trying to regain her equilibrium.

At first Sif struggles to focus simply on placing one foot in front of the other, but as they walk she becomes vaguely aware of passing others who recognise her, turning and muttering to each other in surprise. They must have assumed she was long dead by now, either lost in space or perhaps turned to ash on the wind in the Snap. Does Thor think the same? What about the Warriors Three? Did they die believing she had failed or – ?

That thought is too much to bear, so she stops it short, searching for something else to occupy her mind. Brunnhilde has been silent so far, for which she is grateful, but conversation seems the best distraction right now so Sif asks,

“How are things here?”

The Valkyrie glances at her and her mouth pulls thoughtfully to one side.

“Tough,” she replies bluntly. “People are having to learn a whole new way of life in the middle of grieving and it’s not easy. But Asgardians are tough people. And right now, after everything they’ve gone through, they know how important it is to stick together. Not that it’s been all smooth sailing, but . . . they’ve got perspective. Less inclined to fight about petty shit at the moment, which helps.”

Her accent is unmistakeably Asgardian, but the way she speaks is far more like someone from Midgard – simple, straightforward, without much of the formality that is ingrained into Sif’s own speech. It seems a contradiction at first, but then again it will have been centuries since Brunnhilde was among Asgardians. Why should she speak like them still?

“I wish I could have been here with you.”

Brunnhilde shrugs. “You’re here now. And you were trying to help them.”

It’s not the same, and Sif suspects Brunnhilde knows it.

They fall quiet again for a time, then Brunnhilde leads her off the main path on to a branching road that winds around to the top of the hill where a single, whitewashed house sits at the crest. Sif looks up at it and feels her heart skip a beat.

Thor is in there.

They’re almost to the door when Brunnhilde stops and faces her, eyes serious and mouth pressed into a line.

“You should prepare yourself. He’s . . . not the same Thor you knew.”

It is similar to what Natasha told her and Sif has expected as much, but even so the flicker of worry is made sharp by a kind of irritation.

How long have either Brunnhilde or Natasha known Thor? A few years? Sif has been by his side for over a millennium. She has seen his very best and his very worst, watched him grow and change and mature from a boy to a man – she knows him through and through, has memorised him from the inside out.

Whatever pain he is suffering now, however much grief has marked him, do they really think that it is enough to somehow change that? That four years apart, after fifteen hundred stood shoulder to shoulder, means she will look at him now and not recognise him?

All she says is, “We are both changed.”

It seems Brunnhilde still hears what she leaves unspoken, however, as she gives her that intense, assessing look once more and then nods slowly.

“I guess time changes everyone, huh?”

She flashes Sif a sudden grin, then turns and strides the last few feet to the door. She doesn’t bother knocking, just opens it and leads Sif down a narrow hallway to the main room. Before they come inside, Sif can hear high pitched, electronic shooting noises and then an unfamiliar voice whining, “Oh, come on, that is just unfair . . .”

When she steps out from behind Brunnhilde, she sees what at first glance appears to be a living, breathing statue sat on a sofa, a pair of headphones on its head and its granite face carved into a look of heavy concentration as it stares at a television screen. Sif glances at it, and sees figures she recognises as being from the sort of simulation game that Midgardians like to play – video games, that’s what they’re called. She remembers coming across them the last time she was here and finding them an entertaining albeit far more primitive form of technology than anything Asgard boasts.

Than anything Asgard boasted.

Another wave of grief pulls at her as she has to take a moment to consciously correct her thoughts. All their technology would have been destroyed along with their world, and she is not sure if Earth will have the materials necessary to recreate it, even if the minds that could do so have survived.

. . . will she ever get used to the idea that’s all just gone?

There’s a flicker of movement from the corner of the sofa, and Sif realises another creature is sat beside the rock creature, a sort of insectoid with a purple carapace that almost blends into its surroundings.

“Let’s see how you like it – take this,” the rock creature is saying, still fixated on the screen, and Sif notices that it’s holding a controller – one its large, stony hands don’t appear to be optimised for as the next moment it hisses loudly, “Shit, I didn’t – oh shut up, you little –”

In apparent disgust it – he? – pulls the headphones off and throws the controller to one side before looking up at them and waving.

“Oh, hey, Valkyrie.”

“Still haven’t beaten him?” Brunnhilde asks with a smile, leaning against one wall with arms casually folded.

His answer is a sigh. “No. He keeps blasting me and I can’t dodge quick enough. But I’ll get him eventually. Just you wait and see.”

“I believe you. Anyway – this is Lady Sif. Sif, this is Korg and Miek.” She gestures at the two of them in turn. Sif nods at them, wondering where they came from and how they ended up keeping company with Thor. “So. Where’s the big guy?”

“Outside.” Korg gestures at the corner of the room, where a door presumably leads outside. “But he’s not in a good mood. Said he didn’t want to see anyone.”

“He’ll want to see her. Go on then. I think you can take it from here.”

This last is directed at Sif, with a nod towards the door.

Sif just stares at it for a moment, her heart drumming wildly against her ribs at the thought that finally, after all this time, she has made it. On the other side of that door is the man she has spent the last four years searching for; all she has to do is step through and she’ll be with him again.

And after that . . .

After that, what?

Before the Snap, before everything, it had been clear. She would find Thor, and return with him to Asgard to set things right. Now, Sif has no idea what comes next. And while part of her says it doesn’t matter, so long as she is by Thor’s side, part of her is suddenly very afraid to go out there and find out.

What if he doesn’t want to see her? What if he blames her, for not being there?

The thought of going out there and having him turn away from her makes her stomach church and a tense, slick anxiety rise up within her.

Her hands clench at her side, and she imagines the Warriors Three stood with her. Fandral would laugh, shaking his head, and say to the others, “Can you believe this? She drags us across the galaxy for years looking for Thor and now she’s here she won’t even go through the door. Maybe we should just go first.”

Volstagg would chuckle, but clap him on the back of the head and reply, “Any chance we can get some food in here while we wait? I get the feeling this might take a while.”

“Be quiet, both of you,” is all Hogunn would say, before giving her an understanding nod, his eyes warm.

(How, how can they be gone?)

Picturing it gives her strength, and, taking a breath, she walks towards the door. Her hand trembles as she lifts it and turns the handle.

It leads out into a garden that stretches up to the top of the hill the house is built on. The grass is overlong, swaying in the wind, and a tree covered in small white blossoms stands to one side. Its trunk stretches into a slight curve and there, standing below its trailing branches, his back to Sif as he leans on the fence, looking out over the town, is Thor.

Sif’s breath catches in her throat.

His hair is shorter than the last time she saw him, just brushing the tops of his shoulders and from the back it looks somewhat unkempt and tangled. It’s not like him; he always took such pride in his hair. Remembering what both Natasha and Brunnhilde said about Thor being a dark place, Sif wonders how well he is taking care of himself.

Like she’s walking in a dream, she moves towards him. He doesn’t turn, doesn’t give any indication that he knows anyone else is there, but when she’s only a few steps away he snaps, “I said I did not wish to see anyone today.”

His voice is harsh, but even so Sif can’t help but smile to hear its low, familiar tones once more.

“I thought,” she says, and immediately his whole body goes rigid, “you might make an exception for me.”

#lady sif #sif #thor #thorsif #thor x sif #my fic #i'll crawl home fic #I saw gifsets of sif's 2 scenes in love and thunder #and the annoyance that the mcu is STILL doing my girl dirty reminded me to continue this #I will channel my frustration into fic #otp: I courted war

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dangermousie · 5 months

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2023 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

Yes, we have a lot of December left, but I don't think anything else I want to check out will air before 2024 hits (it's cdrama so caveat is - you never know.)

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it's not on the list. This was a pretty good cdrama year, all in all.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

30 legend of twin flower - Not dignifying that drama with capital letters, as the only capital that should be associated with this is capital punishment - which is what watching this feels like.

29 Dominator of Martial Gods - sounds like a bdsm gay porn title. Would probably be better acted and written if it was.

28 Beauty of Resilience - you'd need a lot of said resilience to sit through this incoherent, barely acted mess. The thing that I remember the most other than my annoyance is all the jingly-jangly head gear on JJY. Perhaps they could have sold some of them and spent the money on a better script.

27 Divine Destiny - if you think you have too many brain cells and want to get rid of some, boy do I have a drama for you!

26 Wanru’s Journey - honestly it's probably tied with SEL - I mean it's worse but it has actors who are nowhere as well known and a fraction of SEL's budget. Still, this is a big fat nope. I will not say what I think of Aoi Rupeng's "acting" or I'd have to put money in the curse jar.

25 Snow Eagle Lord - Gulinazha's stone face, nonsense plot, terrible CGI. Take your pick as to why this is terrible.

24 Scent of Time - it was uneven but fun but then that ending was dumb enough to destroy the whole thing. Show me on the doll where common sense hurt you, makers!

23 Royal Rumors - Jeremy Tsui and Meng Ziyi are utterly wasted in this nothing trifle of a drama.

22 Legend of Anle - I had high expectations but alas. This is the drama version of color beige. There is nothing offensive about it but nothing good either. Mediocre actors are mediocre, good actors become mediocre, this is just a waste of our finite time on planet earth.

21 Romance on the Farm - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like this wholesome slice of farming family life, but it's tailored to trigger every one of my "nope" opinions.

20 Back from the Brink - if I were 12, it would be my favorite thing. I am not 12.

19 Journey of Chong Zi - objectively a terrible drama with plot holes the size of Mars and a leading lady whose face has apparently frozen when the wind changed. But I am a total sucker for the trope of upright shizun falling for his demonic disciple and going mental so here we are. Objectively, garbage, subjectively my precious!

18 Love you Seven Times - just call poor Ding Yuxi "Atlas," he carried this mess so hard.

17 Blooming Days - trashy dogblood harem fight fun throwback. It's not that great (and the fact that it was shredded doesn't help) but it's probably the last gasp of that genre for the foreseeable future, so I am grading on a curve.

16 The Starry Love - a fun fantasy where the secondary OTP stole the thunder but overall a really solid fantasy xianxia romance.

15 The Longest Promise - it could have been better - the secondaries were unbearable and there was too much of them and what they did with Alen Fang's character still gives me rage fits, but the main couple was impeccable and lovely and I rooted so hard for them.

14 Chang Feng Du/Destined - visually gorgeous, solidly acted, impeccable first half. Bland as hell second half. Win some, lose some.

13 Circle of Love - this drama is a nonsense trash heap on fire. After a typhoon hit it. It was also the most entertaining, addicting drama on this whole list.

12 Hidden Love - the sole modern on this list, this story has barely any plot but it made me care about the young, decent lovers so hard.

11 Choice Husband - starts out wacky, continues with angst and blood and happy ending. I loved it, but I've always had a soft spot for melo and schemers turning devoted.

10 Pledge of Allegiance - bromance, super solid acting, visuals, a really dark take on officials and the world. Insanely underrated.

9 Provoke - a truly fun Republican revenge and love tale, showing that short format can be wonderful.

8 Gone with the Rain - some of the secondary characters are rage-inducing (hi there, cardboard boy!) but the scheming, ruthless, vulgar FL is amazing and her slowburn with her age gap general who is delighted by her out-there-ness is great!

7 Wonderland of Love - Fei Wo Si Cun goes wholesome and the result is surprisingly entertaining. Battle couple, glorious visuals, a fast paced plot. It's the first Xu Kai drama I enjoyed in years (and he plays a rare cdrama ML it would be pretty neat to pair up with in rl.)

6 My Journey to You - that ending is infuriating (and I am OK with open endings if done properly) but what a visual feast, probably the most gloriously shot drama on this list, and that's a tough competition. Also it packs a hell of a lot of couples and familial and adversarial relationships into its slim running time; assassin lady won over by a gentle man is my favorite trope and so this is extra great.

5. Till the End of the Moon - the ending is a rage-inducing disaster for me, but this drama was the most incredibly emotionally intense, visually eye popping experience. It was deeply flawed but when it was amazing, it was like nothing else in its visuals, its characters and its narratives. It took insane risks; some paid off and some did not, but it was glorious.

4. Story of Kunning Palace - I don't often care for reverse harem stories but this one was such fun - the main OTP was glorious (strong FL, unhinged ML) but honestly everything about this was just so excellently done.

3. The Ingenious One - the most adult drama on this list. Smart protagonists, intelligent plot, emotions that felt true, this is a revenge and a mystery and found family and goes into so many directions you do not expect (Su Mengyu's PTSD after his first kill - that is something you never see in dramas, definitely not prolonged and profound - not like this.) If I was to say which drama was objectively the best on this list, as opposed to favorite, it would be this.

1 (tie) Lost You Forever 1 - this is an exquisite emotional jewel of a story about damaged people moving forward, with damage always present - their past informs their present and always will. The narrative about Xiao Yao and three very different men in her life makes me think that it's an equivalent of a neutron bomb going off right before the main narrative starts and now we are watching the survivors wander in the wreckage. This is very high fantasy setting but it's one of the most emotionally human narratives out there.

1 A Journey to Love - everything I ever wanted - assassins, ride or die adult OTP with genuine believable conflicts, great and complex secondaries, beautiful fights. Oh, and yeah Liu Shi Shi domming the hell out of every man in a ten mile radius, as she should.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It's a tie between Lost You Forever Part 1 and A Journey to Love. LYF1 is a bona fide art piece but it's only part 1 and who knows if part 2 will be any good (seeing the huge ep number cut, I have my doubts) and so it's incomplete. AJTL is an old school wuxia romance with incredibly competent, adult people in love and great cast of secondaries. I can't pick.

WORST DRAMA

romance of twin flower - this is a drama that should not exist. If I could hex everyone involved with it, I would. It's a terrible, stupid, shrill, badly acted drama to start with, but where it really is catapulted into stratosphere of horror is that is took my very favorite non-danmei web novel of all time, a smart and complicated tale with incredible protagonists and turned it into that barftastic abomination. Peng Xiao Ran kept making horrible drama after horrible drama but I kept giving her a chance because of Goodbye My Princess but after this disaster, I've had to accept GMP was a fluke and she is on my "if she's in it, I am out” list. Ding Yuxi is not that far yet (his performance in Seven Lifetimes was the one thing carrying that mess afloat) but he's on freaking thin ice. Anyway, I like to pretend this drama does not exist.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

It was hard because there were so many I loved this year - Deng Wei's traumatized, gentle Seventeen from LYF1 (if someone told me I'd swoon and weep for a character played by Deng Wei, I'd have told them to examine their brains asap), Liu Yuning's incredibly capable, deadly, contained Ning Yuanzhou from AJTL, Zhang Linghe's unhinged Xie Wei from SoKP, Chen Xiao's schemer with a heart Yun Xiang from TIO.

But ultimately, it couldn't be anyone else but Luo Yunxi as Tantai Jin/Demon God/Ming Ye/Cang Jiumin in Till the End of the Moon. He was everything - a demon, a saint, a martyr, a monster, a tormented abuse victim, a savior, joyful, unhinged, smart, pitiable. It was the cdrama performance of the year for me. Luo Yunxi even in a mediocre role is impressive but in a complex (series of) role(s) designed for his strengths, he is a force of nature.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Yao (Lost You Forever Part 1). Once again, there were runner ups - Bai Lu's smart a little evil FL in Kunning, the gloriously unhinged assassin domme Liu Shi Shi in AJTL, Esther Yu's assassin longing for a different life in MJTY etc etc etc. But Xiao Yao's damaged, difficult, very self-aware woman stole my heart. I was skeptical going in because I haven't enjoyed a Yang Zi performance in a long time, but she was the wounded beating soul of this incredible drama.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Where do we start? How about all of Seventeen's (LYF1) monster family? His brother, who tortured him for years physically and emotionally to such a degree his body is a horror map and his personality is permanently altered because "mommy liked you better." Psycho mother who created a situation where the kids were going to turn on each other and "let's get my grandson raped" grandma. Where is a well-placed meteorite when you need one.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xiao Yao/Seventeen, LYF1. Yes, a ship of characters played by Yang Zi and Deng Wei is my favorite. Leave me alone, I am on my tenth helping of crow already. They are both incredibly damaged, barely functioning survivors who find what they need in the other - he finds a savior and someone who sees him as a man and rebuilds himself around her and she finds someone who will always put her first and only, and subsume himself in her. Is it healthy? No. Does it make sense for them and is it making them slowly functional? Yes.

Runner up: Ren Ruyi/Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL - two adults, so competent, so chemistry full. She has so much damage and so little normalcy but is so strong and he is oddly gentle (in between murders) and incredibly self-reflective. They are each other's mirrors and I love them.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Su Mingyu/Ke Menglan, The Ingenious One - the idealistic merchant who wants to join jianghu until he sees its horrors firsthand and a slave entertainer who wants security but decides she wants him more. They are gorgeous and glorious and wholesome and I adore them.

Runner up: Liu Gong Quan/Ming Zhu, The Ingenious One - that drama was a shippy gift, especially impressive considering it wasn't even romance-centric. He's the officer who has to bring down her treasonous father but loves her. Delicious.

Another runner up is Chao Feng/Qian Kui, the angelic good girl and the scheming bad boy in The Starry Love. They stole the drama from the main OTP for me.

NOTP

Scent of Time endgame. What the hell was even that. It made NO sense.

FAVORITE SCENE

So many good scenes this year - Tantai Jin taking apart Li Susu in prison in TTEOTM, the OTP fighting in perfect sync and insane rhythm in the gorge battle in AJTL, Chen Ruoxuan's character stopping the execution in Pledge, Yan Lin's coming of age in Kunning, the poison/antidote "gamble" in MJTY, Cang Xuan detoxing in LYF1. But I think ultimately, me being who I am, my favorite scene is Xiao Yao kissing Seventeen's damaged, scarred knee to show he is in no way inferior for her. AAAAA!

In terms of pure jaw dropping visuals tho nothing will ever beat Ming Ye’s battle against the Devil God in TTEOTM.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL. He's sexy as hell (that height, that way he moves in battle) but he's also so incredibly competent, so adult, so self-reflective and so attracted to a woman for her strength. He also gets whumped on the reg. Anyway, my hormones are ready.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Gong Yuanzhi (My Journey to You) - I loved the unhinged, brocon poison boy. He was everything. Also Yan Lin (Kunning) - talk about sunshine; I totally got why all these people felt they needed to save him.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

My Journey to You - what the HELL was that ending?

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

legend of twin flower - that is, stab it with scissors like it stabbed the novel until it's dead.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Till the End of the Moon - they clearly cut stuff to fit into the new regs about runtime and it made the last 1/5 rather abrupt. Gimme!

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

The emperor cannot be irredeemable. WTF, China, you are a communist country!

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

This is the year of a ML who yearns to be dommed by his FL. Long may it continue.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

The Legend of Anle - the novel had a great plot, the cast were all actors I either enjoy a lot or somewhat and we got - whatever that soggy piece of wonderbread toast was.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

LYF1 - I only checked out to mock because nobody could explain the story to me and nobody in the cast did anything I like either ever or in years. And then I fell utterly and completely in love and had to eat so much delicious crow.

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

Ancient Love Song is the only one on that list. It looks really good, I just need to brace myself.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

The Imperial Doctoress - best slowburn and pining and glorious character development and adult leads.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Anticipating any nonaired cdrama is a mug's game but if they air, I will definitely check out all the Fox Matchmaker dramas, LYF2, JoL2 and The Last Immortal. If Prisoner of Beauty ever is allowed out of the vault (dubious), it goes on the list too.

#cdrama #lost you forever #a journey to love #till the end of the moon #my journey to you #choice husband #provoke #the starry love #the ingenious one #wonderland of love #story of kunning palace #gone with the rain

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