#otherwise i probably would have been booted out of the park lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

finsterhund · 3 years

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Hey I fucking broke my ankle lmao

“I could really use a break right now” I say as I struggle with my dog having terminal cancer, my roommate pushing my limits, my money being nonexistent, and barely getting one meal a day.

A finger on the monkey’s paw that is me ever wanting anything in life curls again. Must have been a pretty fucked up monkey because there’s a lot of fingers on this thing by now.

So yeah, life thought I wasn’t going through enough already so it added broken fucking ankle to the list of Finsterhund suffering hours.

“I wish I wasn’t broke” is another good one. “here have a different broke then lol. go fuck yourself you rotting corpse of a victorian boy piece of shit”

here’s the goods. Got ex roommate to take photo of the screen. Doctor did not let me email the high res version to myself.

I did not go “waaaiii” on the way down, unfortunately. Life just isn’t like a video game. Probably didn’t look funny either. In reality I am a silent faller/injurer/whatever. Survival instincts of child abuse survivor I land and stay there as quiet as possible. I “grew out of” signals for help before teenage years. Which is a blessing in disguise because I don’t like people looking at me when I am hurt. it’s the “baby deer waiting for mom to come back instinct” I hide from predators.

My brain didn’t really process it when it happened. I just fell and heard a SNAP. If I had watched a video of it happening to someone else I would have found it gross but fortunately my brain just let me ignore it.

I was mostly immediately scared that I had somehow damaged the FIFTY DOLLAR dog calming aid that I got for Cazza in the pet store. I needed something like it for her and just seeing it in person and not having to pay 30 dollar shipping I was like “yeah. getting it here” fortunately the only fragile part is a little plastic capsule that imitates a heartbeat, which was packaged inside the toy inside the box. I hope. I have not opened it.

But the reason I fell is because I was also carrying giant bag of dog food. You see my vet recommended I switch out her food in light of the potential heart disease link. So I got the biggest bag of the best chicken stuff they had. My roommate might try saying that it was because the bag was too heavy. It wasn’t. I could lift that shit just fine. Bag was impossible for my impaired depth perception cringe fail line of vision to see around. The same visual impairment that prevents me from being able to drive a car made me think that I could put my foot down on the curb of the sidewalk. Dumb ass thought I was stepping OVER the curb.

Fortunately the bag of dog food broke my fall. Otherwise I’d have probably smashed my nose and teeth on the pavement. I really hope the expensive puppy calming toy is unharmed :( I say as I have a fucking broken leg.

So yeah. If you’ve seen labyrinth where David Bowie playing Jareth the Goblin King walks over all those weird ass fucked up stairs and ledges that are all a manner of odd angles? Specifically where he just takes steps that are at an angle that you cannot actually walk? Yeah I fucked up Jareth platform stairs walked over the fucking curb and snapp my legs

yes, I said legs.

Only my left is technically broken. It’s a Webber A something or other. I have a sick as hell photo if you wanna see. It’s included in this post.

But my right foot also got fucking fucked up. That one it snapped a tendon or a ligament or whatever the fuck. Get this, it snapped off a small piece of the gottamn bone. It’s not a break but it’s like it came off like a splinter. I made a joke in the hospital about how it’s like when you throw a sticky hand at the wall and when you pull it back a piece of the paint comes off with it. That was really fucking funny but nobody laughed. My friend’s group chat thought it was funny though. I did not get a photo of that foot and the tiny cringe sticky hand paint sliver bone.

I am on pain meds better than my normal pain meds. I can barely feel the legs in bed now.

So back to the parking lot. I landed on the dog food bag. I am hoping the calmeroos puppy is not broken or damaged in any way, I heard the snap but my brain is not registering the snap. This hurts “like a normal fall” I think at first. It hurts a lot of course, but I have the pain tolerance of a truck (thanks for this one Will) and a “heartwarming” story from my youth is that my mom didn’t believe my arm was broken both times it happened because I wasn’t “in pain enough” so I’ve got the firsthand experience to back that up.

Yeah then I try to fucking move my goddamn legs. Left one, broken one, there’s noises. Like cracking pop sounds. And pain. God fuck. It feels like the foot is loose and it’s only connected by fleshy flesh and muscle and skin. Aka like how my dislocated shoulder (that my mom also dismissed because I didn’t scream enough... after the lifeguard had alreayd put it back in...) had felt when I was 12.

So I’m like “oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck I can’t get up or move” yeah my first response was “how the fuck am I going to escape?” I attempted to better myself to get up but absolutely not. Right foot feels like when I roll the damn thing which happens a lot. That *WAS* my bad ankle. sidkfjsdkfjskdf not anymore!!!!!

So an important note is that I’m technically better about my severe agoraphobia that my roommate can let me go into a store by myself provided he’s no more than a couple stores away. So while I’m waiting for a predator to pick my weak ass off outside the petstore he’s in the dollar store next door where I was supposed to meet him after putting the dog food in the car. The car I am now sitting next to. I have no way to get his attention because my phone is dead and also in my bedroom because it’s useless when not plugged into the wall.

Luckily the people parked next to us come out the store and see Mr fuck leg the fucked leg boy sitting on his bag of dog food between the cars and bless this family they help me out. By trying to get roommate out of the dollar store. Which doesn’t work. So they get the dollar store manager. Who then gets roommate out of the store. I was probably sitting there for 10 minutes or so. They had kids so I’m really trying not to let them see how fucked up the rapidly growing ankle balloon is.

But yeah. Eventually roommate come out the dollar store. And get this, he does the same shit my mom did every time anything ever fucking happened to me and is all “okay if it were really broken you’d be screaming right now” as I’m finally able to prop myself up enough to get into the car. That fucking triggered me real bad and I had a breakdown in the car while he went back into the dollar store to continue shopping.

Then we went to get food.

Then we went to costco.

He said that he would take me home and then if it was “still bad tomorrow” he’d take me to the ER.

So he tries to help me out of the car to the house.

I cannot put weight on the right leg either. It is agony. He’s trying to support the bad leg but the other leg need support too. A weaker man would have screamed but I just dropped to the parking lot ground and cried.

Made an attempt to crawl to the house but the gravel on my knees was just too much on top of everything else.

So FINALLY the ER is back on the menu. Ex roommate comes out because I need someone to support each foot. And they take me to their car and they drive me to the ER and I’m trying to eat a baconator while my foot is reminding me that we should have stayed as tiktaalik. you know, not fucking biped I want semi aquatic too please please please youre nothing

The wheelchairs in the ER are designed to offer full body support but the damn things are so hard to maneuver around and cannot be user operated. So I was sitting there having to get pushed around feeling like a dumb fuck because I hate needing assistance to move I hate it I hate it I hate it. I kept reaching down expecting to find the wheel handles but they weren’t there.

ER was... fun. There was a cool cartoon I’ve never seen before “Craig of the Creek” playing on the TV. I really want to see more of it I really liked it. But a fucking anti vax guy (YEAH REALLY) was swearing and bitching because there were kids shows on the TV This show was the only comfort I fucking had. Craig was spoonfeeding me comfort with his little freeze to death without your winter clothes adventure (RIP to him but I’m different)

But yeah. Once being treated it was all really nice. My ability to make constant jokes about fucked up injury death and suffering is a really good stress relief. Shout out to the xray tech who totally understood I use dark humor to cope and in response to my joke about how if I was a horse they'd just shoot me that I would “make wonderful glue” the other people were also very kind but I kinda felt they were intimidated by how “jovial” I was about the whole thing. Like yeah. I’m “handling it well” because that’s my whole strategy. Inside I’m screaming “please not the plates please not the plates please not the plates” (I am scared of having metal plates and screws.) Fortunately the stupid little cringe bone broke just low enough on the bone that I don’t have to get the plates and screws. I was literally begging Spot and she answered.

In my moment of weakness I decided that the true nature of the “Spot Power” is that she makes it so that when I’m going through shit I’m always “being so brave about it”

I kept thinking about how Cazza thought I had abandoned her though and while roommate did give her her evening walkies she was stressed and puked on the walk. Which fucking ruined my life and I cried more hearing that than the fucking leg.

So yeah. In canada crutches and the foot boot actually cost money. I’m out like 100 dollars. Plus like 30 because roommate wanted gas. I’m just used to it by now. I definitely need to plug Cazza’s gofundme again now though. Have no clue how I’m even going to take her to her appointments. I am hesitant to hope that roommate will give her as good walks as she needs.

There were more tears over the fact that I was going to fail Cazza than that I actually broke my fucking ankle.

This shouldn’t be a shock. I knew that eventually my visual impairment and my physical disability were going to team up on me and fuck up my body even worse somehow. Always thought it was going to be stairs though. A small comfort is apparently the x ray department has had four other people come in about the exact same curb. Yeah I kid you not. The curb between the redacted dollar store and the redacted pet store confirmed for Heart of Darkness 2: Andy Ankle Adventure

They were supposed to give me more pain meds but I guess I didn’t pick them up or they forgot or something. My brain is fried so i have no idea at all.

Crutches are a massive learning curve for someone with depth issues and balance issues. I almost fell face first on the goddamn crutches several times. If I wasn’t broke and you know, if I couldn’t fucking not leg broken walk leg I would go to hardware store and make a wheeling seat thing like those scooters in gym class and then I’d have Cazza pull me on walks. That would work.

Big issue is in and out of our place is fucking stairs. Yeah. I crawled up them on hands and knees. No way in hell with my already fucking broken mobility could I go crutches up them. I have to hold onto railing or I fall down stairs so crawling it was.

I can technically take the boot off to sleep but the tightness makes it so much better so fuck that. Wish I had the rolling elementary school gym class scooter so I could drag myself around the house.

Cazza doted on me like nothing else. She tried to brace me going up the stairs but she’s not big enough for what I’d need with this fucking leg problem. She helped me change out of my clothes though. Even though she’ll never be certified she’s still my everything.

The she cuddled close to me until I had calmed down and now she’s fast asleep in her bed. I am so glad I ended up giving her her bath before going out.

I am going to attempt to make it to my bloodwork appointment tomorrow. I have rescheduled that due to chemo appointments too many times.

I can’t remember if I’m forgetting anything else. Honestly my roommate telling me the exact same shit my mom did just fucking hurt so bad. I think I know my own body better than you do. Like I’ve told him about how she didn’t believe me and I had to beg her to take me to the hospital and he ended up doing the exact same shit. All because I didn’t outwardly exhibit being in enough pain apparently.

I just hate how being disabled you always have to fucking prove you’re disabled. Like I was expected to somehow walk back to the house and up the stairs but when I got to go to the ER yeah fucking broken lol.

I just wish I had parents. I need taking care of. I always did and I never got it.

I’m scared for the future. I don’t know how I’m going to manage or how I’m going to provide for Cazza.

I wish breaking my ankle could have made Cazza’s cancer go away

#text post #negative #long post #cw: injury #broken bones #ask me to tag #cw: medical

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jamesedwinstark · 3 years

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Okay, as promised I am posting the James noncon. There'll be 2 posts.

I wanna be SUPER CLEAR that this is NOT CANON. This is just a horrible "what if" scenario that I needed to vomit onto a page.

The concept here is that Justin Hammer is holding James hostage. He infected a number of his employees with nanites that will kill them if James doesn't do everything Hammer says. James also has nanites in him which monitor his behavior and make it so he can't call for help.

The first thing Hammer wants to do with James is... go on a date. This is the date.

I’ll pick you up around 8. Wear something slinky ;)

That was the text James had received a few hours earlier. After days of waiting, of trying to pretend nothing was wrong, it was finally happening. James didn’t know if he was glad to get it over with, or if he wanted a few more days of relative normalcy. In the end, it didn’t matter what he wanted. He’d do as he was told.

It was best to get ready like it was a normal date. James picked out an outfit he thought counted as ‘slinky’: a long-sleeved shirt with cut outs in the back and on the shoulders, cropped so it showed barely an inch of midriff, pants which clung to his butt and drew attention where it was needed, and boots with just a little heel, accentuating his legs. He was supposed to be a trophy, not a whore. Right?

Clothes at the ready, James sat down at his vanity. He made up his face on autopilot, not doing anything special; it wasn’t as though this was Valeria or Loki, people whose preferences he knew intimately, who loved him, who he really wanted to please. He wished either of them were here.

While digging through his lipsticks, James pulled out a tacky, pink glitter gloss. He considered wearing it. It suggested youth, naivety, innocence. It said, “set me free; I’m just a kid.” That doesn’t matter. It only matters whose kid you are.

Well, the pink was worth a shot. James never knew what little thing might give him an advantage. He picked out some earrings inlaid with pink gemstones to match.

As he applied the gloss, his phone buzzed. He waved a hand and a screen popped up in front of him. He’d been mentioned in one of his groupchats, specifically the one for former Young Avengers, which he’d been invited to join in an honorary capacity, having spent a decent chunk of his childhood as something of a team mascot. He tapped the notification.

TEDDY: Hey! @James, some of us are heading to a bar, wanna come???

KATE: Jimmmminmy!

ELI: Wr already got satarted

TEDDY: Kate already got started

TEDDY: Yeh, lmao ^^

TOMMY: Jimmy ger Dow. Here and I’ll find u and unstable girl

BILLY: Guys, he doesn’t like being called Jimmy. Plz use his full name

BILLY: Jimbo come hang out with us

A tickle in the back of his head told him that the nanites in his brain were on high alert.

JAMES: As much as I love watching you get trashed and butcher my name, I can’t tonight

KATE: Booo u whoree!

DAVID: Plx help me jim I’m not drunk enough for this

James sighed. The point was for people to know about it, so he may as well say something now.

JAMES: I actually can’t. I have a date :)

The smiley face felt a little forced, but that was probably just projection. Nobody would question it. He was supposed to be excited. It was supposed to be believable.

BILLY: Oh

BILLY: Ok

BILLY: Have fun :)

TOMMY: Lmao seriously tho do ew even wana kno who is it THIS TIME

James clenched his fist in front of his face, and the screen disappeared back into his phone. Even his own friends thought he was an idiot when it came to love. Because you are. You deserve this.

There was almost an hour where James was dressed and ready to go, just pacing around his apartment, waiting. As the minutes stretched on, the nervousness twisting up his insides heightened. It’s no big deal. It’s just a date. Not even, it was a con, just for show. All he was doing was working a mark, playing a role. He was good at that. This would be fine.

He checked his phone when it buzzed again at 8:34.

Car’s waiting. Hurry that cute little ass down here

James took a deep breath, grabbed his coat and headed out the door. While taking the elevator down, James replied.

On my way

There was a white limo parked outside James’ building. James knew it was where he was expected to go, because it radiated a nervous, vicious excitement that made him dizzy. As he approached, the driver stepped out and held the door for him. He had nothing but contempt for James.

“Thank you.” James told him sweetly, flashing him a demure little smile. The driver’s contempt was eaten away slightly by another, even less comforting feeling: pity. He wondered how much, if anything, the driver actually knew about what was going on.

Justin Hammer was waiting for him inside, and if he’d been any happier he would have been bouncing in his seat. The inside of the car smelled a little too strongly of Hammer’s cologne. James sat down across from him and Hammer looked him up and down appraisingly. He was… disappointed. Oh no.

“Is that what you decided to wear?” He asked.

James looked down at his outfit. “What’s wrong with it?”

“I mean, would it kill you to show some more skin?” Hammer whined. “I thought you kids wore skirts now.”

A skirt suggested something. Easy access. Hammer wanted people- James’ Dad most of all- to see James’ bare thighs and know who was getting between them. It seemed that he had been wrong; he was supposed to be a whore.

“I’m… sorry.” James said. “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”

Hammer sighed. “I think I’d better take a more hands-on approach to your outfit choices from now on.”

“If that’s what you want.” James acquiesced.

“When we get to the restaurant, there are going to be paparazzi.” Hammer explained, barely acknowledging that James had spoken. “I may or may not have tipped somebody off. You're gonna put on a good show for them, alright? I wanna see a big smile on that pretty face. Really sell how infatuated you are with me.”

James huffed. “I know how to play my role, Hammer. This is what I do.”

“Come on, sweetheart. We're in love.” Hammer said, unpleasantly pleased with himself. “You can call me Justin.”

“I was planning on doing that in public.”

“Well, I want you to do it all the time.”

That was all that needed to be said on the matter.

The car pulled up to the restaurant, and Hammer stepped out first. He held the door for James, making sure that the paparazzi who had indeed turned up saw him doing so. James played his part, put on a cutesy smile and batted his eyelashes as he got out of the car and wrapped himself around Hammer’s arm. As soon as he did, he felt Hammer get frustrated, and saw him glance down at James’ shoes. James was already an inch or two taller, and the slight heel made that little bit of difference all the more noticeable. He’d already messed up again. This might be a little more difficult than he thought.

The handful of paparazzi that had gathered and were being ushered away, unhurriedly, by the restaurant staff, barked questions at James, which he ignored. Their camera drones buzzed perilously close to get good shots of the absolute travesty of a date they were witnessing. James could practically hear the nasty headlines they were concocting in their heads about him and his wonderfully tabloid-worthy habit of getting into bed with the ‘wrong’ sort.

They were at the door when James got the sense of someone else trying to get his attention, but not in a mean way. He heard a child ask, “Is that really him?”

James turned on his heel to see a woman with a little girl, maybe five or six, looking at him. They both got very excited when they realized he’d noticed them. Abandoning his annoyed date, James jogged over to the pair.

“I’m really sorry to bother you Mr. Stark, but we heard you were going to be here and…” The woman began sheepishly, “You’re her favorite.” The little girl buried her face in the woman’s pant leg.

James laughed, sincerely this time. “I always have time for a young lady with such impeccable taste.” He said, before getting down on the little girl’s level. “I’m James, what’s your name?”

The little girl looked up questioningly at the woman- presumably her mother- before replying “Sarah.”

The paparazzi took some interest in what he was doing, but they weren’t as thrilled about it. Local Superhero Nice to Child wasn’t as attention-grabbing a headline as Cap and Iron Man’s Son Does Something Awful, Again.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sarah. Did you know Sarah was my grandmothers name?”

The little girl shook her head.

Hammer was getting exponentially more annoyed by the second, but he couldn’t exactly drag James away from a little kid in front of all these people. Not without looking like the second coming of Ebenezer Scrooge anyway. Still, James didn’t want to push his luck, he had to wrap this up quickly.

“Are you really the Golden Avenger?” Sarah asked.

James snapped his fingers, and a shower of yellow sparks spilled from his hand. “I sure am.”

Joy erupted in Sarah’s chest like fireworks. “We’re the same!” She squeaked.

“She has epilepsy.” Her mother explained. James nodded.

Seeing that Sarah’s ears were pierced, he took the pair of star-shaped pink sapphire studs out of his ears and pressed them into her hand.

“That’s for you. Wash them before you wear them; it’s not sanitary otherwise.” James said. “Now, Sarah, this is important. I believe in you, I want you to believe in yourself, and always, always listen to your parents. Do we have an understanding?”

Sarah nodded.

James hurried back to where he had left Hammer waiting, feeling the impatience directed his way. As soon as he was close enough, Hammer grabbed him, clamping a hand firmly on James’ butt (which the paparazzi adored) and dragging him inside.

“I know that wholesome image is how you sell lunchboxes and all,” Hammer hissed in his ear, smiling as he did so, “but don’t keep me waiting, ever again. You got that?”

A thousand explanations and protests died on James’ tongue. While talking to the kid, he had briefly forgotten that someone else owned him. Briefly.

“I got it. I’m sorry.”

Once they were inside, James shed his coat. Seeing his exposed back made Hammer a little happier with James’ outfit. It was almost… uncomfortable how much happier seeing that skin made him. James brushed it off as just more of Hammer’s weird overenthusiasm.

“Is this more what you were thinking in regard to the skin thing?” James asked. He kept his tone light. “Specifically mine and showing more of it.”

“It’s definitely better.” Hammer agreed.

This was good. If they could get along while fake-dating, eventually Hammer would have to start seeing him as a human being. He would like James, if only James provided the camaraderie Hammer had always craved from James’ Dad, camaraderie which had always been denied to him. Then he’d let James go.

The maitre d’ seated them by a window, which meant more pictures of them together, and more acting for James. While they were across from one another, Hammer fixated on James’ eyes. He didn’t seem to be able to stop looking at them. You didn’t have to be a super-genius to figure out why. You just had to look very, very similar to one.

Nobody brought them menus.

“I took the liberty of ordering ahead of time.” Hammer boasted. “I’m gonna take good care of you tonight, don’t you worry.”

Again, James got a weird reading from Hammer. Something in the back of his head was trying to warn him about something. Danger, James Stark! Danger! Danger! Well, of course he was in danger, somebody else had his life in their hands. It’s more than that, don’t be stupid.

The waiter brought out their meals. James’ was not something he recognized as food, but he’d never been much for fancy cuisine. He’d survived this long mostly on chicken nuggets and takeout. Still, he picked at his dinner, not wanting to seem like he was ungrateful or that he disapproved of Hammer’s choice. He remembered what his Pop had told him about growing up in the Depression, and all the garbage they’d choked down trying to survive. I was 25 before I realized sawdust wasn’t actually an ingredient. If Pop could do that, James could work through something that had been meticulously crafted by a trained chef. Don’t be spoiled. You’re an Avenger, not a princess.

“Do you prefer red or white wine?” Hammer asked. “I know the sommelier personally. She’ll get us some of the good stuff.”

“I can’t drink.” James said, and when that led Hammer to get irritated, he explained, “Because of my condition.” It still wasn’t good enough. “But, I suppose one glass won’t kill me.”

The sommelier who poured their drinks was nauseatingly gracious to Hammer, but James could tell that she didn’t actually like him. Just has the driver had done, she regarded him (internally, of course) with contempt. James started feeling a little bad for Hammer; everyone around him was so fake.

Hammer raised his glass. “To us.”

Oh my gosh he can’t be serious. James raised his glass in answer, smiling through the pain of secondhand embarrassment. Having never really had more than a few sips of alcohol at any one time, James was unused to the taste of wine. It was nasty. He powered through it. People actually drank this stuff for fun? All it did was remind him that, right now, his friends were getting sloppy wasted on any number of unpleasant-tasting concoctions. He was supposed to be there, not here.

“Babe, has anyone ever told you you don’t talk much?” Hammer asked.

“I can honestly say nobody has ever said that to me in the history of my life, no.” James replied.

“It’s something you should work on.” Hammer continued as if James hadn’t spoken at all. “And smile more. Jeez, kid, you’re bumming me out, you know?”

James grinned. “Right, cameras are still on us and all.”

“And you’re having fun, aren’t you?”

He wants it to be real. Give him what he wants. “Yeah, of course.” He wants it to be real. Why did that sit so uneasily?

“This isn’t the sort of place I’d take just anyone.” Hammer gestured around at what was, admittedly, a very classy place. “This is the five-star treatment. It’s just for people I really want to undress.”

“... I’m sorry?”

“It’s for people I really want to impress.” Hammer leaned in. “You’re a very special kid. I’ve been waiting a long time to get my hands on you.”

Hammer was feeling at him very, very intensely. It was like being in a sauna, having him so close and emitting the thrill of power he was getting from all this. Power and… something else.

James laughed, clear and seemingly unforced. “I guess you’ve got me.”

“I guess I do, don’t I?” Hammer leaned back and just reveled in it for a moment. What he was feeling made James little ill. James took a drink of water. It was getting oppressively hot. Hammer was getting oppressively hot… for… James.

He was aroused. This, holding James hostage, hurting his Dad, was making Hammer horny, and he had James right here… he could do anything he wanted. He wants it to be real. How real? How real was he going to make it?

Hammer started talking at James, telling him about some impressive thing he almost certainly hadn’t actually done. James only half listened, his mind was occupied, trying to peel back the layers of Hammer’s intention like he’d been taught to do. Find and identify all the tiny little things Hammer was feeling at a given moment. His attraction was superficial, the real source of his arousal was the sense of ownership he had, of victory. It led to feelings of excitement, anticipation, expectation… certainty. He was certain.

"Excuse me, Justin." James tittered during a break in the ‘conversation’. His smile felt like it would crack his face. "I need to go powder my nose."

Hammer took a sip from his wineglass. "Ok, you can go. Don't take too long, though." Again, that sickening rush washed over him. "I want to get out of here soon."

James hurried away from the table. Soon. His vision blurred the second he stood up, so he navigated his way towards the bathroom mostly through magic. Once there, he clung to the nearest sink for support. Trying to combat the intense nausea that had overtaken him, he splashed cold water on the back of his neck. It was no use. Throwing himself into the nearest stall, James retched violently and puked up what little he had eaten. Cold, clammy sweat started to bead on his lip and the back of his neck.

He's going to rape you. It was not a matter of if. He was going to do it, certainly.

James really was stupid to think it would be anything but this. Why would Hammer be content with just letting everyone think he and James were lovers, when he could make it a reality? This would be the ultimate victory over Tony Stark: raping his baby.

James needed his Daddy. He needed to be rescued, to be held in strong, safe arms like he was a child again. He needed what was about to happen not to happen.

It was going to happen anyway.

Too much time had passed. James got up off the bathroom floor and brushed off his knees. He went to the sink and swished water around in his mouth, getting the acrid taste of vomit mostly cleaned away. This is going to happen to you, and you're going to let it. You'll be fine. You're a survivor. Stark men are made of iron.

He touched up his makeup, dried off a little and, as ready as he'd ever be, headed back to his table.

"There he is! I was starting to think you'd fallen asleep in there." Hammer remarked as James returned to his seat. Hammer was expectant. What was he expecting? Was that supposed to be a joke? It was. James giggled. His mouth was so dry. He sipped at his water. Even that made his stomach turn a little.

"Anyway, where was I? Oh right..." Hammer continued his anecdote in between bites. James smiled and nodded sweetly, his own dinner rendered inedible. He kept trying to get water down, but nothing seemed to help the thick sticky feeling on his tongue and down his throat.

His left hand was clenched in a fist under the table. I could burn a hole right through you just by staring. I could cook your brain in your skull with my fingertip. I could... golly, I really could beat you bloody with my bare hands.

"You're not eating?"

James fluttered his eyelashes. "I guess I'm not very hungry." He explained.

"So you don't want dessert?"

"No thank you."

Hammer's excitement hit James like a freight train, but it wasn't normal excitement. It was all twisted and wrong. He reached out and grabbed James' hand, running his thumb over James' knuckles in a gesture that, from the outside, might appear tender.

"That's ok. You and I are going to have a different kind of dessert. Doesn't that sound good?"

James swallowed thickly, eyes trained pointedly at the middle distance. His smile faltered just a little, and when he spoke, his voice was small, barely audible.

"Yes." He nodded weakly. "Yes."

How exactly they got from the restaurant back to the car, James wasn't sure. He seemed to drift, only barely aware of his coat being wrapped around his shoulders, paparazzi snapping his photo as he stepped outside, the car door being held open for him while he was ushered in like a curious child into an unmarked white van. Smile. You're having a great time. Hammer clutched him every step of the way, as though James were a fish caught in his talons which might slip back into the ocean and swim home before he could devour it.

In the car, Hammer sat next to him, practically right on top of him. James’ stepford smile dissolved the second they were alone together, but Hammer didn’t seem to have noticed. His hand was on James’ knee, inching up his thigh, as he whispered in James’ ear.

“I booked us a room uptown.” He was close enough that James could feel Hammer’s breath on his neck. “I thought we’d do something a little special for our first time.”

“Justin, nobody can see us.” James knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words came out of his mouth, but he had to try something. If he made it seem like he didn’t understand, he could say no without actually saying ‘no.’

Hammer’s joy evaporated, replaced with white-hot rage. He gave a short little laugh. “Now, baby, I took you on this nice date and all. I’ve been a real gentleman, and I just think it’s fair,” He squeezed James’ leg painfully hard, “that you put out. Nobody likes a tease.”

“...Ok.”

The anger didn't subside, and James was terrified of what might happen if he let Hammer stay too mad for too long. He plastered a smile back on his face.

“I can't wait.” Was his voice shaking? Had it cracked? “I can’t wait to make love to you.”

His heart was racing. He'd said it, and now he couldn't unsay it. He couldn't stop hearing his own words echoing in his head. Make love. This was the furthest thing from love he could imagine.

The hand on James’ thigh slid up to paw at his groin, and Hammer leaned in to kiss him on the neck. He sucked at the skin there (stop it) like he was trying to leave a mark (don't), and, honestly, he probably was (get off of me). James wanted nothing more than to blast a hole in the car and rocket into the night sky. He reached out, laid a gentle hand on the back of Hammer’s neck and pulled him ever so slightly closer.

“Yeah, good, Tony.” Hammer moaned against his neck. “Just like that.”

James clenched his eyes shut. It didn't seem like Hammer even noticed he'd said anything wrong.

When he was satisfied that he'd left an adequately visible hickey, Hammer licked a wet stripe up to James’ mouth and forced his tongue inside. Fighting the urge to spit the flicking, invasive appendage out of his mouth, James hummed as though turned on. Hammer leaned in, making James take a deeper mouthful of that fleshy, wet thing.

This is just his tongue. How are you going to deal with his…

They were at the hotel before James knew it. Hammer paraded him through the lobby, hand firmly attached to his buttcheek. By some miracle, James managed to continue playing his role, leaning into his ‘date’ and giggling whenever Hammer whispered some horrible, obscene thing in James’ ear. It was all he could do to keep from shaking.

When they got up to the room, Hammer slid James’ coat off for him. It seemed like a normal enough gesture, something a real boyfriend would do, something his real boyfriend had done before, but all James could think was that he was already being undressed. He was being stripped down to nothing.

The suite itself was unnecessarily opulent. Everything sparkled. There were two rooms connected by an archway, the first being home to a sitting area populated by fashionable, uncomfortable-looking furniture, an equally painful-looking dining area, and an oppressively shiny kitchenette with a wet bar. The bar was where Hammer headed, brushing his fingertips along James’ exposed back as he did so.

“I'm going to make myself a drink, do you want anything?” He asked as he got out a glass and a bottle of scotch.

“I'm ok.” If James could get drunk, he would have used any means possible to numb himself. “I have to go get ready.”

Without looking up from his drink, Hammer waved him off. James went into the other room, the bedroom, making a point not to look at the bed. The bathroom attached to the bedroom, and he retreated into it.

Halfway through peeling off his clothes, James felt the urge to vomit again. He knelt in front of the toilet and heaved for a while, but nothing came up. He was too empty. Hollow.

The fancy shower was sufficient for James to get himself clean. Ordinarily, he did this ahead of time in his own shower, because he knew what was coming. He hadn't been properly warned this time, or maybe it had been obvious all along and James had let himself remain in denial. Whatever the case, he didn't want to incur Hammer’s wrath now by not giving him what he expected. He wants the girlfriend experience. James found himself laughing out loud, bitter, strangled noises coming out of his throat. He doubled over and puked into the shower drain.

Would Hammer get mad if James took too long? He reached out his mind and found the man still vibrating with his strange, unpleasant happiness, only a little impatient. Biting his tongue, James reached down and forced himself to work past his revulsion and finger his hole open. It would be easier if he was prepped. It would hurt less. James wondered if Hammer had even brought lube.

After stalling for as long as he could by washing everything several times over, he finally left the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Putting his clothes back on would only get him in trouble. The first thing he saw as he stepped out was the bed. It hit him then. Really hit him. This was actually going to happen. It was going to happen in a few minutes. He folded in on himself, crumpling to the floor. He knew he shouldn’t, that he needed to keep smiling, pretend he wanted it, but he couldn’t stop himself. Desperately, helplessly, James started to cry.

Sensing Hammer approaching, James scrambled to his feet and quickly wiped his eyes, but it was too late. When he walked in the room, Hammer spotted James’ red, tear-streaked face. Again, burning rage emanated from him, tinged with a sense of betrayal. There wasn’t an ounce of guilt or pity inside him. He strode over and cupped James face in his hands a little roughly.

“It’s ok to be nervous.” He said. His voice masked his anger only thinly.

James stared at the ground and nodded, swallowing back more tears. Hammer took hold of one of James’ wrists and guided his hand down to feel his erection through his pants. It wasn't as small as James had hoped. I could castrate him right now. Burn him. He couldn't really, though.

“Feel that, sweetheart? That’s for you.” Hammer cooed. “That’s going to be inside you, and you’re going to love it. Trust me, you’re going to love it.”

“O-ok, yeah. I want-” James’ voice cracked, and he lost it. He was sobbing again, stammering, “Please, Justin, you don’t have to do this. There's a better way to... I can help you. I understand-”

“Stop crying!” For the first time all night, Hammer actually showed how angry he was, just below the surface. James bit his lip to keep any more sobs from slipping through. Hammer continued, “You don’t get to say no to me. Shut up, and go lie down on the bed.”

James whimpered. “Please…”

“Lie down on the bed. Now.”

There was, in fact, lube. As expected, there was minimal prepping. Then, it was inside him.

James tried to go somewhere else while it was happening. He was overwhelmed by the oppressive smell of too much cologne, the words being moaned at him (“Oh, yeah, Tony, fuck, Tony!”), the taste of scotch in the kisses that kept being applied to his mouth, as though this were something sweet and passionate, as though it wasn’t what it was. Most of all James was overwhelmed by the nauseating self-satisfaction that smothered him, threatening to choke the life out of him.

There was a glass chandelier above the bed. It swayed gently and cast diamond shapes on the hotel ceiling. James counted them out: one, two, three, one-e-and-a-two-e-and-a-three-e-and-a around and around the chandelier in a pattern that just wouldn’t stop.

It did stop, eventually. Hammer cried out and spilled into him. James’ mind instantly supplied the image of that fetid, mystery liquid which collected in the bottoms of trash bags and gushed out if the bag was accidentally punctured. Sated and victorious, Hammer gave a few final thrusts (Just stop. Please just stop) and his pleasure walloped James right in the chest. James came, despite himself, sticky and disgusting all over his abdomen.

“Holy shit. I made you come on just my cock.”

Bile rose in James’ throat. He swallowed it down.

“Smile, baby.” Hammer sighed, “I know that was good for you. See, I told you you’d love it.”

When James didn’t respond, Hammer started to get angry. James sensed the heat rising up in his chest. Don’t be stupid. Keep him happy.

“Yeah, of course I did.” James answered brightly. It was easy to slip into being someone else. He couldn’t stand the thought of himself right now. “You’re really… really good. I’m just a little… stunned. Because I enjoyed it so much.” He found himself giggling airily, like some lovestruck floozy. Where was that coming from?

Hammer rolled off of him and lay on the bed, sighing happily. He was floating on a wave of orgasmic bliss and the satisfaction of sweet revenge, in his mind long overdue. Of course he was happy now, but once his head cleared and he could see what he had done, surely remorse would start to set in. Surely.

“That’s good. I’m thinking maybe next time you’ll show a little more enthusiasm.” Hammer said. It was an order. “I wanna see how much you like it.”

Next time… next time. “Ok, I can do that.” James agreed. “I’ll do whatever you want.” Next time. It was all James could think about. The next time this happened to him.

“Good boy.” Hammer reached over and gently stroked the back of his knuckles down James’ cheek. There was no gentleness behind the gesture, however. All James could feel was glee. Sadistic, victorious glee. Hammer was congratulating himself for this.

Surely, surely he would feel bad about it in the morning.

The smugness and delight radiating off of Hammer’s body finally became too much. It felt like James was absorbing something toxic, being so near him. He sat up in bed like a reanimated corpse, restless and agitated.

“I need to get some-” No. Try again. “Can I go out and get some air? Please?”

“Sure babe.” Hammer acquiesced. “Just don’t fly away.” He said it with a smile, but it was a threat. Everything was a threat. Everything was dangerous.

James slid out of bed feeling, perhaps for the first time in his life, ashamed of how naked he was. His clothes were on the bathroom floor. It was like a different person had taken them off. It hurt to stand, to walk. It just hurt.

“Uh, excuse you?” Hammer said, stopping James in his tracks.

What now? What more could he possibly want now? James turned to see him sitting up on his elbows, staring at him.

“Yes, Honey?”

“I’m letting you do something you want. What do you say to that?” His tone was condescending, like he was scolding a child. No, more like he was training a dog.

“Thank you.”

Seemingly satisfied, Hammer laid back down. James wasted no time in scurrying to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. It felt good to finally be alone. A tear fell down his cheek, but he fought the urge to cry in earnest. He didn’t think he could stop if he started.

It’s fine. These things happen. This time it happened to you. James kept it together as he wiped the… as he wiped off his stomach and the insides of his thighs. Then he gathered his clothes off the floor and, hands shaking, covered himself up again. He was safer now; there was a barrier, however thin, between his skin and Justin Hammer’s hands. It’ll be fine. It’ll be okay. It didn’t seem fine. He could still feel it inside him. He felt where he’d been pried open and then invaded…

You’re ok you’re ok youreokyureokyourokuro

The bathroom floor was still wet. Had so little time really passed since he’d showered? He needed to get up, but he couldn’t force his body to move. It was something like being trapped in a frozen lake, and how you couldn’t swim to the surface because of the shock, so you just drowned. He had hoped that he’d feel better after it was over, but it wasn’t really over, was it? It was never going to be over.

A long time passed before he could stand up and walk out of the bathroom. When he did, he found Hammer already asleep. Good. He didn’t think he could fake his way through any more niceties.

He pictured himself taking a pillow off the bed and pressing it down on Hammer’s face. James was much stronger; he could hold Hammer down with his magic and he wouldn’t be able to fight back. He would just choke (painfully) and die (terrified) and James would get that indescribably terrible feeling he got whenever a soul was extinguished in front of him. He shuddered just thinking about it. No, he wasn’t capable of that, and even if he was, he knew that if Hammer died, everyone infected with his nanites would die too, including James.

James’ coat was hanging in the next room, and he pulled it on and headed for the balcony. The added layer provided him with a little more safety, but didn’t do nearly enough to block the cold wind outside from attacking his damp clothes.

For a while, he just stared at the street below. The people walking down the sidewalk or riding in their cars were too far away for him to read, so he could just imagine that they were all happy and carefree. The couples striding hand-in-hand were all deeply in love, the children were totally safe with parents who had no enemies and never made mistakes, the commuters were on their way home, or maybe to a friend’s house. Nobody had to do anything they didn’t want to do.

James pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket. It was an almost Pavlovian response at this point, smoking after sex. It was normal, felt normal.

That wasn’t sex, his brain supplied that was not sex.

No, but you did have an orgasm.

The balcony was decorated with plastic plants in tacky stone pots, and James hunched over the nearest one and dry heaved until he finally vomited, the effort of it wracking his whole body. It’s not my fault I came. It’s not my fault. I’m not just letting this happen. I don’t have any choice.

He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Ok. He got all the evil out of him, and it was ok now. He looked down at the now-ruined fake plant and thought, guiltily, of whatever underpaid hotel employee would have to clean it up.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled at nobody as he stood unsteadily.

Leaning against the edge of the balcony, he stuck a cigarette between his lips and lit the end with the tip of his finger. The first inhale settled his nerves immeasurably. Things were bad, yes, but James knew he could find a way out of this. He was smarter than Hammer, all he needed was a plan-

“Prohibited substance detected.” A voice rang in his head.

What?

“Prohibited substance detected.” The voice said again. “Desist or you will be punished.”

“I don’t know what that means.” James snapped at the AI.

“Prohibited substance detected. Desist or you will be punished.”

“What substance?” James hadn’t eaten anything at dinner that he hadn’t been specifically instructed to, hadn’t had anything to drink that he hadn’t been given. What arbitrary rule could he possibly be breaking? Unless… James glanced down at the cigarette he’d been idly puffing on. No. No no no no no…

“Standby for punishment.”

“Wait, wait!” James cried out, but it was too late. Every nerve in his body lit up with intense pain. For a moment, his vision blacked out and he struggled to remain standing.

“Desist or you will be punished again.” The voice instructed as the pain ebbed.

Gazing sadly at the mostly-unsmoked cigarette still in his hand, James incinerated it between his fingers. It was just a cigarette; he didn’t need it, but gee whiz he wanted it. It was the one thing he’d had to look forward to, however small and unimportant it was in the grand scheme of things. Even that had been taken from him. He had nothing. He really, truly had nothing.

Tears started to fall, softly at first. Soon, however, his shoulders were shaking with sobs and he was gasping for air between them. It was loud, ugly crying, but that didn’t matter. Nobody could hear him, anyway.

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initiumseries · 5 years

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LMAO but thats the think choni don't make sense. Everyone on Twitter would probably call us hompphobic/racist for not seeing any chemistry in an interracial f/f ship but there's literally no substance. Cheryl is a stuck up rich girl who hates the Sepents but falls in love with one in 3 episodes and now they live together. They spent 3 months together but we don't see any of it???

Oh tbh I’m waiting for people to run in screaming at me for being “racist/homophobic” for not immediately, blindly and without question jumping on board a gay interracial ship that makes no fucking sense instead of questioning why Choni makes no fucking sense. Folks be so desperate for Black people to be “loved on” (we never actually see this loving process actually take place, Black people are just tacked on to white partners to serve as Magical Negroes but whatever) by literally anyone, anything other than other Black people and that level of internalized antiblackness is NOT my burden to unpack.

We’re not talking out of our asses here. Choni has no screen time and it’s been clear to me for a while, from the dialogue, and from how they run this show, Riverdale isn’t invested in a truly diverse, fleshed out cast. They’re looking for hit points. Because if they WERE, we would have seen a lot better development for Toni and Cheryl. Because AS WE MET THEM, there’s no fucking way Toni would give a shit about Cheryl and I’m sorry but I FIRMLY believe there are a ton of OTHER girls Cheryl could have knocked boots with, privately or otherwise. But since Riverdale can’t even tell me if it’s 1919 or 2019, they create more problems than they solve with this storyline.

Them living together is just…Ok I need to clear something up, are they living in the mansion she burned down? Or in that weird Kiddie Serpents trailer park thing? Because I have a hard time believing a rich white girl is having no issues adjusting to living with a bunch of poor teens in a trailer park. Give me a fucking break. Also Riverdale, do y’all just not have Child Protective Services for anyone other than Jughead or…?? Cheryl is not 18 right? So how is she or Veronica signing for ANYTHING? Also, how can she just…LEAVE home with no school or system involvement? Does Toni just not have parents or…??? Like what the FUCK guys? We know NOTHING about the details of their lives. And just rando cameos of them sitting together or holding hands or whatever is trash. The chemistry thing isn’t even specific to Choni so people can get comfortable being pressed because not a single couple on that cast makes sense or has any chemistry. They all look uncomfortable as fuck around each other. Betty and Veronica are literally the worst best friends I’ve ever seen on television. This whole show is a dumpster fire, but given how often gay couples are relegated to the background or one member from the couple is usually brutally murdered (I didn’t forget about Betty’s suddenly serial killing father who killed gay dudes as some kind of religious punishment we never talk about), we deserved some attention to Choni, ESPECIALLY given their backgrounds.

#anti riverdale #toni topaz #please explain #this is a joke #this whole show is trash

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theroundeviloftable · 6 years

Text

Park Ranger

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Soulmate AU

Summary: Y/N and Namjoon live in a soulmate universe where they receive the same injuries that the other does; for example, if one soulmate were to cut their finger, the other would receive the same cut spontaneously a few seconds later, without the initial pain but still with the blood/other physical effects. You can imagine how well this would go for a pair of soulmates where one is just naturally clumsy, and the other works as a tree-climbing obsessed park ranger.

Word Count: 2,391

A/N: so this AU is something I wrote for a different pairing a while ago (its not my AU originally, but I lost the original post I got the AU idea from), but I thought that it would just fit Joon so damn well, so I decided to create this...whatever it is. As always, this has not been proofread at ALL lmao so go easy on me. (Also I know I’ve been MIA for quite some time now...ha ha..don’t @ me bc I will fight)

Enjoy my lovelies!

“Y/N, I think you’re bleeding again...?”

You turned to your left to see your shift partner pointing at your forehead with a questioning look in her eyes. You huffed out a tiny breath and brought your fingers to your forehead, feeling around until you felt moisture right above your left eyebrow. You pulled your fingers away and, sure enough, they were coated with a thin layer of dark red blood. Letting out another, albeit louder, huff, you turned away from your coworker and headed towards the first aid kit.

“You need some help?” She yelled at your retreating figure, but you replied back with a strong “NO”, and continued your 4th trip to the bathroom that day (only one of which had been to actually USE the bathroom), first aid kit in one hand and an ever-growing distaste for your “soulmate” in the other. You hadn’t even been outside at all that day, hadn’t climbed a single tree, hadn’t given a single nature tour to a visiting elementary school group, and yet you already had a shallow cut on your forearm, a bruise on your calf, and now another cut above your eyebrow.

You hoped your soulmate was either a doctor or a tattoo artist because you were going to need some way to cover up all the scars he was responsible for.

~~~~~~~

Namjoon had one of the worst headaches in his life, and all because of his friend, Seokjin.

He was visiting said friend at work, the pair choosing to take a walk around the hospital grounds while Seokjin was on a rare break, and everything was going fine, until the pole. Namjoon had walked face-first into a steel pole, all because Seokjin had failed to warn him it was coming.

“Joon, I told you, I was looking the other way! I swear, I didn’t see the pole, otherwise I would’ve said something and-”

“Jin, please just be quiet.” Namjoon was crouching and had one hand pressed over his left eye that had taken the brunt of the collision with the pole, his head pounding and Jin’s voice bouncing around in his skull doing nothing but amplifying the pain. Seokjin mimicked Namjoon’s position, grabbing his friend’s wrist and slowly pulling his hand away from his eye only to discover that-

“Joon! You’re bleeding! My goodness, how hard does someone have to smack a pole with their face for the skin to break?”

Seokjin began rifling through the pockets of his lab coat to find a bandage, meanwhile Namjoon was groaning and cursing himself for his stupidity. “Jin, my soulmate is gonna kill me! This is the third time today that I’ve hurt myself, honestly I think this is the start of a personal record-breaking day for me.”

The doctor simply chuckled as he peeled the protective backing from an adhesive bandage, pressing it lightly over the cut on Namjoon’s forehead after wiping it with an antiseptic cloth. “Just, when you meet her, make sure you bring her in to see me first thing, yeah?”

Namjoon looked up at Seokjin with confusion written all over his face, the expression making the bandage over his left eyebrow crinkle worryingly. Jin just chuckled again, and tried to clear up his friend’s confusion. “I meant to bring her so that I can work on patching up all those scars she probably has from your clumsy ass.”

“Hey! I’m not that clumsy...” Namjoon rises back to standing straight, but keeps his eyes trained sheepishly on the ground, and Seokjin just joins him standing, laughing brightly and flinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders to usher him forward on their continuing stroll.

Namjoon smiles devilishly and stops rubbing at his bandaged forehead for a moment. “At least I don’t sound like a broken windshield wiper when I laugh.”

Seokjin punches him in the shoulder, hard.

“Jin!! C’mon, I think that left another bruise!”

~~~~~~~

“Y/N, can you take this group out for me?! The supervisor over at the RV station called and said he needed an extra hand over there.”

You stopped your shift partner with your hands on her shoulders, and looked deep into her eyes while you smiled softly. She was obviously panicking, and you wanted to try and calm her down a bit before she had to drive a four-wheeler over to the RV station further in the forest. “Emily, Em, hey look at me for a sec.”

You saw her eyes focus on yours and hold the contact, so you began speaking once more. “I’ll take care of this group, and the rest of the groups for today, so don’t worry about it, okay? Everything will be fine.”

“But, Y/N, your shift is scheduled to end in like, 30 minutes and there are still 3 groups left for tours today and I can make it back for those I just really need help for this one-”

You held up a finger and Emily immediately closed her mouth, following your instructions for her to breathe in a out a few times. You continued to assure her you would take the remaining tour groups out for their nature walks, and Emily was in a much better state of mind as you watched her strap on a helmet and begin her ride to the other park station.

You took a deep breath and patted your hands on the sides of your khaki cargo shorts, scraping off invisible dust, before turning on your heel and exiting the back room of the nature center. Out in the arrival area of the center, you could see the beginnings of a group of school kids, one by one piling off the yellow school bus and practically vibrating with their excitement to go on a hike. The sight brought a small smile to your lips, and you took a moment to grab your ranger hat and re-tie your boot laces before heading out front to greet the school group.

Little to say, that day of tours ended with a slightly twisted ankle (on both you and your soulmate) that resulted from having to stop a kid from slipping off a rock while he was playing in a creek, multiple cameras that held pictures of the “daring park ranger” who had climbed a tree to save a baby squirrel, and a mess of tiny, stinging cuts on your face from climbing said tree that had Namjoon yelling in pain when he went to wash his own face later that night.

~~~~~~~

It had been 2 days since you had received any secondhand bruises, cuts, or scrapes from your soulmate, and you were honestly starting to get a little worried. He usually gave you at least one bruise or bump a day, whether it be a stubbed toe or a certain tender spot on the hip that only comes from impact with a table corner. You were secretly hoping (and this might make you sound a little crazy) for any sort of small pain just to let you know that your soulmate was still alive and out there somewhere.

Finishing tying your hair into a ponytail and brushing your teeth, you slipped on your ranger hat and boots again, prepping to go in for another rewarding, if not tiring, work day. Your stomach grumbled quietly, and you humored it by grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter on your way out to your car, keys in hand and backpack slung over one shoulder. The apple was already halfway gone by the time you were in the driver’s seat with a hand on the wheel, ready to depart.

You felt something dripping on the arm that was currently holding the apple up to your waiting mouth, and you silently prayed to yourself that the wetness was from leaking juice. You shut your eyes, breathed in deep, and opened them to face whatever reality existed.

You were sure you had been eating a green apple, but the whole upper half was stained red from blood that was currently pouring from a large gash in the center of your hand.

“Shit.”

Your hand shot off the steering wheel and reached over to your bag, groping blindly for any sort of cloth to bind your hand in temporarily while you drove yourself to the hospital. You were sure you needed stitches, and just hoped that the cut wouldn’t hinder any possible, near-future tree climbing opportunities.

~~~~~~~

“Joon? We weren’t supposed to meet today, why are you...oh.”

Seokjin simply raised one eyebrow, unamused, as he surveyed a very sheepish Namjoon with a sock wrapped right around the middle of his left hand. The once white sock was now stained bright red, clearly from something the boy had managed to get himself into once again. Jin had to stop himself from sighing before he motioned to Namjoon to follow him back to the section for emergency patients. He pointed to a clean bed, and Namjoon obediently sat while he waited for Jin to return with what he needed to assess and fix Namjoon’s wound.

However, not even a moment later, a woman was being led to the bed directly next to Namjoon’s, and he craned his neck in curiosity to see what was wrong with her, as she seemed perfectly healthy. It was then that he noticed she was also cradling her left hand to her chest, with what looked to be a bright orange safety vest wrapped carefully around the middle of it. Namjoon was just beginning to notice the clear start of blood seeping over the portions of cloth that were not clutched in the woman’s fist when she turned around from talking to the nurse to sit on her assigned bed.

It was as though Namjoon experienced the moments after while submerged in a jar of honey, everything looking slow and golden. Their eyes met as he looked up from her hand, and he swore he could feel a rush of strong emotion go straight to his heart, squeezing it in a vice. The sound of her voice was muted when she started to speak, but he watched as her eyes flitted to his own sock-clad hand, and then returned to holding his gaze as her eyebrows furrowed in obvious understanding and annoyance.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Namjoon visibly shook himself out of whatever sort of moment his brain decided to have just then, and looked at the girl with wide eyes. The expression was so comical and endearing that you had to stop yourself from cracking a smile and laughing a bit.

“I asked, how did you get that cut?”

Again, you bit back a laugh as the man before you (who you realized was most likely your soulmate) donned an equally expressive face, this time conveying his embarrassment at having to tell his possible soulmate how he managed to slice open his palm.

“I uh...I, well...” He cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of the button up shirt he was wearing, even though the top two buttons were undone and were nowhere near tight around his neck. “I was..attempting to cut the tag off of a new pair of sunglasses I had just gotten in the mail, and it seems as though I wasn’t meant to use a pair of scissors.”

At that remark, you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore, and it flowed freely from your lips as you rocked back a little and rested the non-injured hand over your abdomen. Namjoon thought to himself that he had never heard your laugh before, but it was already a sound he wanted to keep on repeat for the rest of his life.

~~~~~~~

“So now I know why I have so many little cuts all over my hands and face all the time!”

You turned to glare down at Namjoon, who was currently pointing up at you accusingly as you continued to climb up a rather tall pine tree. He withered under your glare, and you smirked at the fact that he knew he had caused you just as many injuries, simply because he was a clumsy fucker. At least your injuries were warranted by your job.

He huffed out an indignant breath, and crossed his arms over his chest. “This is just great, my soulmate is goddamn George of the Jungle, and I’m her clumsy ape of a sidekick.”

“You what, mate?” You looked down at Namjoon again as you reached out your hand for a squirrel to jump on your arm (it gladly took the invitation and clambered onto your shoulder without a second thought), and soon there were two pairs of eyes staring down at Namjoon questioningly.

His jaw was almost on the floor when he saw the squirrel on your shoulder. He threw his hands up in exasperation, and began walking away from the tree. “That’s it, I’m done with this.”

You just laughed and expertly navigated the tree branches until you were safely back on the ground, placing the squirrel down and waving at it as it scurried back into a bush.

You called out to Namjoon, who was currently about a yard away from the tree. “Hey, wait up, Joonie, you’ll get yourself into trouble somehow without me there to watch you!”

He turned quickly with a goofy grin on his face, one that he couldn’t stop from spreading at your use of his favorite nickname, and replied, “I’ll be perfectly fine, don’t you worry! I’m not that much of a klutz that I can’t walk a simple hiking trail without-gah!”

Your hand shot out immediately to catch Namjoon’s own to stop him from falling completely on his face. He had tripped. On a stick. It wasn’t even rooted into the ground, just a plain stick lying in the middle of the path.

He looked up at you in mock horror as he saw the self-assured smirk gracing your lips already.

“Aw Joonie, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble to show how much you’re falling for me.”

“Shut up, you’ve been hanging around with Jin too much lately. Your jokes are terrible.”

You simply giggled softly under your breath as you tugged Namjoon into your waiting arms, planting a kiss on the side of his jaw and laughing louder when you saw the tips of his ears turn red.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and don’t be afraid to like, reblog, and tell me your thoughts/comments! Love you, darlings <3.

#bts fics #namjoon x reader #park ranger au #soulmate au #soulmate injury au #my fics #kim namjoon #bts #bts x reader #bts x you #fluff #sorry not sorry that this happened i live for klutz!joon #klutz!kim namjoon #thank you all for reading #enjoy

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pastel-uruha · 6 years

Text

Dulce - Prologue

YES. I AM FINALLY DONE.

Now, this is just the intro! The rest will be posted to my ao3! :D This is a really long intro but I think it gets the job done lmao

@smokiiing-area @cancerianwastelandcat @deme-lu @rock-n-alice

I hope this makes sense! Who knows when I will update again lmao :D hopefully soon

+++++++++++++++

Years of painstaking work, both in classrooms and out in a searing hot sun and freezing cold rain. Finally, it all led up to this moment. Kouyou Takashima, certified Archaeologist, and researcher of volcanic activity. It has been a whole seven years after high school but that was okay with him. Seven years was plenty of time.

The diploma from The University of Tokyo hanging in his apartment was more than enough pressure to do a good job considering he still worked there in the labs. Funny how much more freedom he had now that he was no longer considered a normal student but now an employee. He would make sure to not abuse this power and bring pride to his department.

The large and imposing yet dormant volcano ahead of him was indeed a sight to see, especially past all the normal “NO ENTRY” signs off the beaten path for normal civilians. Past the cement walkways and carefully placed guardrails was a new place that he was more than eager to explore. And Takashima Kouyou was no normal citizen, far from it. It took a long time, but he could finally count himself as belonging to an elite group of researchers and archeologists here in Japan and was finally high up enough in the ranks to do solo excavations.

The first place he wanted to go, naturally, was a place that had called out to him for so many years now since he was a child barely learning how the world around him worked. The Illustrious and sacred place known as MT. Fuji, a huge volcano that was famous all around the world for its breathtaking scenery and lovely atmosphere. It took him almost four months to get clearance to come here, but he knew it would all be worth it.

He had no idea why this place was so important to him, but for as long as he could remember he had been coming here, restricted only by the damn law and a fabricated guardrail. Now, however, all of that was just a memory. A memory that would soon be behind him.

There were reports from local people that the surrounding areas were rife with small tremors here and there, therefore disrupting the peace and scaring off tourists. So they needed a solid piece of assurance as to why it was happening. The volcano has long been dormant so there had to be a scientific explanation for all this right?

That was where Kouyou came into the fray. He traveled 2 hours to get here, and though it was nothing compared to other places he has been, he also had so much expensive equipment as well. There were two officials waiting for him at the top of the volcano to let him past the guard rails and to the top of the mountain. His body was by now used to such altitudes after many trips here with higher-ups and colleagues, albeit only within the normal civilian limits. It would be kind of weird going alone, but it was a good kind of weird.

So with the sun at his back and a large metal case full of important tools and sensors he finally makes his way to the top. It was still early April, meaning it was not quite warm enough to wear thin clothing, so all he had right now was a thick padded jacket, black turtleneck, and his favorite jeans. It was somewhat chilly and windy, the wind turning his cheeks a soft pink color from the stinging sensations.

He wanted to wear his favorite boots too, but he was aware that, as a scientist, sometimes mobility in a forest was more important than looking good. So the sort of ugly sneakers he wore was a necessary evil in case he needed to run, for whatever reason. He even had a fancy ID lanyard hanging from his neck with all his important ID cards. There was also a backpack strapped to his back with water and necessary things to keep him hydrated while he was here. Good thing there was a small tourist shop at the bottom of the hill.

Finding the agents at the top wasn’t too difficult, they were wearing expensive and stifling looking suits that made him feel hot despite the low temperature. They wore sunglasses and stood in an obviously far off part of the pathway. There was a big metal gate that wasn’t visibly apparent to normal people unless you strayed from the path, but it was there and he knew where it was.

“Good evening gentlemen,” he greets them, earning himself only nods and curt grunts in reply. “I hope I haven’t you waiting for me too long.”

“Of course not,” one of them says in a plain and disinterested tone. “We have only been here an hour. Not too long at all. We were given instructions to allow you past the fence, but from there on you are on your own. You have a means of contacting the facility yes?”

Kouyou nods, holding up his cell phone. He had to triple check to make sure it was fully charged and even then, there was a spare power bank in his back pocket. Could never be too careful, right?

“Yes, no need to worry about me. I will be in and out before it gets dark, I just have to take some soil samples and set up a perimeter of-”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” the other one says to cut him off. “We get it, you just gotta do your thing and we will head on out. The emergency number is on a sidewalk sign near here, just call if you need anything. We'll leave these with you to return to the park manager.”

The large gate has a padlock that needed two keys apparently, from the way that they expertly unlock it one after the other before leaving him with said keys and disappearing into the trees. He was all alone, and honestly, it was much better this way.

He stared into the dense trees beyond the gate and felt his heart start to beat wildly with excitement. His first solo excavation and in his long sought after location. Today was going to be good, he could feel it.

“Well, I may as well get started.”

The walk into the trees was very nerve wracking, as he had taken out a sensor device from his case and switched it on. It scanned deep into the earth, bouncing off anomalous objects that would prove useful to look at. It also acted as a soil deposit scanner, sifting through the chemical trails in the ground beneath his feet for signs of anything abnormal. His walk to the summit proves unfruitful though, as things seemed to be normal.

He would be nearing the top soon, and it was a good thing this thing has been dormant for a long time. Otherwise, this place would be seriously off limits.

After nearly an hour of walking with nothing to show on his scanners, he finally makes it to the place he wanted to be. Right at the top. There was even a small white flag placed with his name on it from the park officials. It was clear that they had a set perimeter for him to sift through. Similar looking flags were placed in a wide circle around a specific area of the volcano rim, about five hundred feet or so if he was being meticulous.

The crater was too large for just him to thoroughly explore, and it made sense, so a quick glance at the outer rim would be best for now until he could assemble his own team. But it really was beautiful up here. The sky seemed to stretch out forever, he couldn't even see the city or any form of human inhabitants past the trees and dark ashy earth of a long-dead volcano.

This crater was huge, easily a thousand or more feet across, but barren of anything besides soil and hundreds of years old ash. There was a pleasantly acrid smell of burned earth and new foliage up here, and it was probably harmless as normal air. But he brought a small face mask just in case he breathed in any contaminants.

“Now is a good time to set up,” he muttered and drops the case to open it up. There were an array of neat things the main scientists allowed him to bring. A small table for his equipment, two LCD monitors, a set of small marker flags, some soil sampling tubes and a small but powerful scanner that could see through the ground in a hundred foot circumference. Even if he didn't find anything, it was exciting for him to finally be able to use. Not without gloves of course. Can't have this expensive stuff so marked up with fingerprints.

He works diligently, setting up a perimeter with his orange flags and using the monitors hooked up to the scanner to look carefully for anything out of the ordinary. He even sits on the case and watches the clouds go by as nothing seems to happen. A single soil tube is used, holding up to three millimeters of dark patchy soil with many pebbles and pieces of grass. All the while, the temperature stayed at around fifty to fifty five degrees Fahrenheit. A bit chilly but manageable, at least to him. It never went higher than fifty seven so that was a good sign.

An hour goes by. Still nothing. It seemed like an easy job but he still had more than six hours to go before he had to leave for the day. Hopefully, he could come back soon, maybe tomorrow. The time was two pm.

A yawn slips from his mouth as a third hour rolls by and he still sees nothing, even after the third time setting up the scanner in a different spot entirely. Maybe the tremors the locals talked about were just small meaningless ones? It happened sometimes.

Kouyou looked at his phone for the time and sighed. Five pm. Two more hours to go… Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just have one quick session on the edges of his perimeter? It would be quicker to dismiss anything coming from the volcano and put more work behind him. Five hundred feet was not a whole lot with such a powerful tool. Plus… He hadn't even gone into the actual crater yet. Perhaps that would be worth something.

Kouyou looked around himself one last time in case he was being watched before packing up his equipment and going to the nearest edge which was coincidentally just a few feet from where he started. Funny how such a small rule can mean so much. He looks down into the wide crater, swallowing a sudden lump in his throat. Why was he so nervous? It wasn't like anything could happen. All he would find was more rocks and dirt. To put into simpler terms anyway. There was probably a higher concentration of acrid earth and ash but he digressed.

The slope was easy to slide down, at the expense of getting pebbles in his shoes but that was not an issue. It would probably be a little bit hard to crawl back up though. He huffed and turned his attention to His scanner. The monitor was small so he would have to go back and watch the recorded footage in case he missed anything...

Immediately he began to notice a difference in temperature down here. It was a bit… hotter? Strange. He shrugged it off though and continued to scan the crater. Since it sloped inwards there was only a small area to go, maybe a hundred feet. No problem. It was just like a big bowl just dug into the side of the volcano, a dirty and dusty one at that. He hurriedly puts on the mask before padding silently to the center of the crater. With each step, however, he felt the temperature start to slightly bother him. Was it getting hotter? That wasn’t right…

“Damn,” he huffed and wiped a sudden bead of sweat from his forehead. “Is this even normal?”

Once he reached the very center of the pit, he had to take off the jacket and suck in a lungful of hot air. Air that was not supposed to be hot. Something was definitely up. Hurriedly he set down the machine and didn’t bother to properly check the temperature, he just needed something.

Almost right away, the sensors began to show a strange reading. Instead of a normal base of fifty degrees, the readings were showing spikes up to seventy and seventy five degrees. This place should have been cold as everywhere else. Kouyou wiped away more sweat and pressed the scanner button. Then he saw it. An abnormal reading only a few feet beneath his shoes. Something was beneath him, but what, he had no idea. He squints, trying to look closer, when all of a sudden a tremor began to rumble through the crater, knocking rocks and pebbles around to send them tumbling everywhere. A tremor rocked the equipment back and forth until the small machine falls from its tripod into the ashy dirt with a pathetic thud. He has to drop to his knees to prevent from falling on his face. His heart was beating even louder now, but now with an unknown fear of something bad happening.

The tremors were awful and deafening, a loud noise that made his head throb from the intensity.

“Shit!” he cursed, his ears popping from the awful noise. The equipment up top would be helpless to anything this traumatic. If anything broke the university would have his head! But he had to keep going, this was important! He could be on to something here! Hurriedly he crawled towards his scanner to manually look for the aberration in the ground. It was somewhat large, maybe the size of a full grown person. But… it couldn’t really be a person right? It had to just be a suspicious looking heat signal or a pocket or warm air, or something. It had to be.

But he has to wait. He can’t do anything right now except mark the spot and wait for the tremors to subside. More sweat drips down his foreheads and he has to remind himself that he had no water down here and dehydration was a serious problem considering how fast he was losing moisture.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the tremors subsided enough for him to manage to get to his feet and stare at the areas around himself and make sure he had everything before scrambling out of the crater.

The sight that meets him is one that makes him furrow his eyebrows. There was… A huge tremor just now, but… All his equipment was fine? Nothing was knocked over, everything was exactly where he left it. That wasn’t right, was it?

A sudden creature began to skitter across the ground, making him jump slightly.

“What the…”

It stopped long enough for him to get a good look at it, and he had to laugh at himself a little bit. It was a snake and a pretty small one at that. It looked like a garter snake meaning it was harmless. But the color threw him off. All black, right down to the tongue that flicked out to sense the air. The only way he could tell that it was a garter snake was the lack of hissing or aggressive teeth baring. It just kind of… sat there. And it watched him with its beady little black eyes.

“Go away,” he hissed after a moment, making shooing gestures. “Shoo, go find a mouse or something.”

Nothing. It didn’t seem to be listening to him, but instead, it craned it’s neck closer. As if to study him closer. And it was freaking him out. Were animals usually this smart? Animals were not his strong suit, that was more Yutaka’s thing. He should have been here damn it.

Well anyway, he would have to pack up his things for the night. It was getting dark and he was sure it was nearing his time limit here.

Kouyou turned around only to find himself face to face with a person. His heart jumps to his throat and he made a squawk of surprise and leapt backward.

“You scared me!” he cried out, clutching his chest and trying to slow his heart. “Where did you come from? This place is supposed to be off limits!”

He tries to come off as authoritative. However, the other guy wasn’t having it.

“You really shouldn’t be here.”

The guy was only a little shorter than him and dressed simply. Plain jeans and an all black sweater. His hair was all the way to his neck and completely black. A pair of dark sunglasses hung on his nose, obscuring his eyes. But… Why was he barefooted? And growling like Kouyou just offended all his ancestors?

“I should ask the same,” Kouyou answered back just as dismissively. “This place is off limits while I am doing my work. And you are interrupting me.”

Yet his tone does not budge the man, instead, it makes him scoff and his lips curl into a sneer.

“You need to leave. I can’t be responsible for what happens to you if you stay here.”

Kouyou feels his heart give another uneasy thump and he narrowed his eyes to hide it.

“Are you threatening me?” he says with a deep tone, hoping to whatever god was listening that it sounded intimidating. The stranger snorts, a sound that made his legs shake and goosebumps raise on his arms. It was cold and unassuming.

“No,” comes the unexpected answer. “Merely I am stating the truth. You’re in danger here and if you don’t go soon, bad things will happen.”

Kouyou noticed the stranger seemed to be on edge for some reason. Surely not just because of him?

“And why am I in danger? Is there a monster up here? Something that will come out of the trees and eat me?”

He wanted that to sound like a mocking joke, but he could not deny the slight tremor in his words as he spoke.

“Clearly you don’t value your life as much as you should,” the man huffed, his tone much softer but no less as dangerous. “What a pity.”

Then to Kouyou’s utter surprise, he began to walk away, away into the now grey colored woods as the sun traveled even lower down the horizon.

“H-hey! Wait! Where are you going!”

He wanted to run after him, but the stranger spoke again, this time in a voice so soft he almost didn't hear it. But he heard it. Loud and clear.

“The Fire.”

And then he was gone. Like he had never been there in the first place. And along with him, the snake too had disappeared.

Uruha shivered, but not from the cold. There was no empty warning in that man’s words. Not a chance. No. He had to know what was going on. No longer just as a scientist looking for answers. But for himself.

The minutes spent packing up his equipment were tense and filled only by the howling of wind through the trees. The walk down the mountain was even more so the same way. His lips were almost blue by the time he reached his car after licking the gate. And it took longer than he would have liked to get the heater going to stop his shakes. But he couldn't stop his thoughts from racing a million miles a minute.

Who was that man? And why was he so intent on scaring him away? Kouyou didn't know. But one thing was for sure. He was definitely coming back.

There was something here, and he was going to find it.

TBC

#the gazette #my writing #aoiha

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meepface · 6 years

Text

i’m avoiding an essay

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

it was my girlfriend so that would be very nice

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

we are daaaating and we might get some time to hang out after classes tomorrow so i’m really looking forward to that

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

as long as it’s not anything bad

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

yes

7. What does your last received text say?

“i’m having a day. how’s your day been?”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

sooooo many

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in my car in a parking lot right outside of campus

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i don’t have a sister but i saw my brother like 20 mins ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water, coffee, milk, mostly coffee

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

they shouldn’t be but they definitely require effort, but the effort is worth it so it still shouldn’t be hard??

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

nah, i don’t see a point in it. everything happens for a reason

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

nope that would be nice bc we’d finally have some fuckin time to ourselves

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy but only if i have company and something to do

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

yes it’s a very common middle name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i hope so yes

20. Does anyone like you?

yes i’d hope my girlfriend does

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nope

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

yes lmfaooo

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

yep

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

i have three lmfao i’ve more than just considered it

25. In the past week have you cried?

yuhhh i cried yesterday

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

my lil dog Rusty is a pomeranian mix

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

in ??

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

29. Do you think you’re old?

30. Do you like text messaging?

yeah

31. What type of day are you having?

i’m really tired and i’ve felt sick but otherwise it’s been a really nice day

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

yes lmao

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yes there’s a few

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i try to be simple but i always complicate shit lmao so

37. What song are you listening to?

i’m not listening to music but i do have make daddy proud by blackbear stuck in my head lmfao

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yes

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

yes pretty much

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

she’s really funny and sweet and has a cute laugh and she’s so pretty and dorky and she was also one of my only gay friends in high school lmfao and we bonded so hard over that. i felt like it was only a matter of time that we got together

41. When did you last receive a text message?

9:57 pm but i haven’t texted anyone back since lmao

42. What is wrong with you right now?

i mean generally speaking there’s a lot going on but just currently i am feeling very sick and sleepy and i should probably work on my essay lmao

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

very very well she’s my girlfriend

44. Does anyone disgust you?

yep

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no i have a girlfriend

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

yes

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my brother

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

grey

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yes

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yes

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

no i am dating her

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yes

53. Do you like rain?

yes as long as i have company and something to do or else i get depressoooo

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

nope as long as she’s safe

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

yes

56. Do you like to cuddle?

yessssss so much

57. Are you shy?

not shy just introverted

58. Do you get along with girls?

yes!!! i love girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

yes

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

chapstick, my phone, medicine bc a bitch gets migraines all the damn time

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

as long as i had company

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yes lmao?? i already have

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yes

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yes but she’s short so that would be a struggle for her

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

yes my gf and i finally got to go out since we’ve both been busy as hell and it was so nice

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

i have only ever kissed my gf and she is 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

pay bc i am bad at it lmfao

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

leopard

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

neither

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?

iphone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

it’s been months lmao

73. Do you like diet soda?

no (sorry Caitlin)

74. What color are the walls in your room?

one is brown and the others are a bright blue

75. Are you 16 or older?

yes

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

77. Do you have a job?

yes

78. What are your initials?

ENM

79. Did you ever have braces?

yes....... don’t remind me i wanted to kill myself when i had them i was so ugly lol! anyway

80. Are you from the south?

yes unfortunately

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

i shared this bc it made me laugh so hard that i was crying

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

yes

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

my mom

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

gymnastics

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

damn idk, It i think

86. Do you smoke?

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

heels

88. Is your phone touch screen?

yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

straight

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

yes

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

river

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

yes all the time lmao

93. …Had sex in a car?

yes lmfao

94. Are you single or in a relationship?

in a relationship

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

i was talking to my gf and playing animal crossing pocket camp lol

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

i haven’t gone out to see them in like a year

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

yes it’s nice

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

yes

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

yes

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

nope i’m gay

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

praying is good also kiss n tell used to be one of my favorites

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

nope i don’t tan

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

absolutely not

#like if ya read #long post #about me

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cherrywoojin · 7 years

Text

My Top 11 for P101 S2

(as of 170530)

I’ve seen a lot of people do this and it’s interesting to read what people write. My top 11′s been jotted down for a while and I just want to give my 2 cents.

My Top 11 (in no particular order)

Kim Jonghyun - THE LEADER WE NEED BUT DON’T DESERVE. The dude’s been team leader THREE TIMES (someone said that MNet should just give him a shirt with an L printed on it since he’s pretty much the leader by default). Great personality, hard worker, ridiculously humble. Raps and dances well.

Kang Daniel - One of the most solid all-rounders and DID I MENTION HOT??? Basically he doesn’t lack anything. Fierce on stage and soft backstage. He has a good relationship with the trainees and they say he’s really nice.

Hwang Minhyun - BOYFRIEND MATERIAL. Can sing beautifully and dance. He has a “know-how” and sensibility that was recognized even by the instructors. Really positive and considerate. VISUALS AND HEIGHT TO SPARE.

Ong Seongwoo - One of P101′s top meme picks. Amazing at singing and dancing. Great stage presence and facial expressions. And he’s HILARIOUS. How he’s fine with making himself look dumb as long as others laugh is one of his most wonderful personality traits.

Park Woojin - MY PERSONAL TOP PICK. HOW CAN A GUY WHO IS SO QUIET BACKSTAGE BE SO CHARISMATIC ON STAGE??? Honestly, he was born to perform. All his expressions while dancing are on point. He’s constantly gaining new fans. Amazing versatile dancer. Great at rap. His snaggle tooth is so cute I could die. His determination and drive are incredible (how did he perform with shingles??? Like???) He’s dreamed of being an idol since he was like 2. Kid needs to debut.

Kim Jaehwan - Vocals. Need I say more? His singing is HEAVENLY, definitely one of the best on the show. A lot of people doubt him and say he’s better off solo, but he proved with Sorry Sorry that he can adapt well (I personally D.O. sounds like a solo artist but he fits with EXO). Lacking in dancing experience but he’ll be fine.

Park Jihoon - He’s basically the face of P101 right now. Not just a “visual” trainee. I mean, yes he’s absolutely adorable and charming and lovable, but he also dances REALLY well. I don't know if he raps or sings or both, but his singing wasn’t too bad during Boys In Luv. He’s humble, hardworking, and great at self-promoting. A fan-attracting magnet.

Lee Daehwi - A literal walking fluff. Cute inside and out. I love just love his energy. His skills are solid with great singing and dancing. Not to mention he can also COMPOSE. He’s very charming and know how to show it off on stage. He’s so young and far from his family, and he’s endured so much hate TTTT I admire his strength a lot

Lai Guanlin - Baby chick’s skills aren’t up to par with the rest, but his spot in the top 11 is pretty much cemented. I actually like him a lot as a person, and there’s a lot of potential in this guy. It really came out during Fear (his lyrics crushed my heart TTTT). Visuals for days and a clean image to boot.

Yoon Jisung - One of my faves since the very beginning. He has such a bright and positive personality. He’s one of the funniest and entertaining trainees and is a natural at variety. Mood maker. It’s obvious that all the other guys absolutely adore him. His vocals are really good, and the instructors said he was the most stable one during Downpour. He takes good care of the younger guys and he was so supportive of Hyunbin during the position evals. A wonderful human. NOT JUST A MEME.

Samuel Kim - Need I say more? Undeniable high skill level. One of the best (if not THE best) dancers on the show. But his chances of getting into the top 11 seem pretty low atm :( Still, we can hope

Others

Bae Jinyoung - He’s not one of my favorites, but I wouldn't really mind if he gets in as long as my top picks are there too. He’s voice is very different (deeper?) from the other vocals, which would add a nice variety of tones in the group.

Jung Sewoon - Adorable Ponyo. Great at singing and also not to bad at dancing since he trains at Starship. He has such a cute image that idk if he’d suit mature or sexy concepts if B.O.I. goes that route. Otherwise, he’d be a nice addition to the team, but his rank keeps slipping

Lee Gunhee - I just love this guy. He has some of the best reaction faces on the show. He’s tall and cute. and he can SING. I don’t think his vocals get appreciated enough?????? He’s only trained for 6 months! Incredible! And trainees say he’s really nice and “hip” LMAO. His rank is pretty low, thought, but I hope he can at least get into the top 22.

Kang Dongho - I love him and he’s a great singer, but it would probably become a big issue if B.O.I. debuts with 3 Nuest members :( Similar can be said with Choi Minki.

Kim Yongguk - The new dark horse. His rank rose so rapidly and he’s doing so well in unofficial polls that I actually don’t think it would be impossible for him to enter the top 11. Sings beautifully and has QUITE a nice face ;)

Ahn Hyungseob - One of my first baes. Really great stage presence and expressions, and most importantly, a high aptitude to learn. One of the hardest workers. But his rank has fallen a lot. I expect to see him in the top 22.

Regardless of if I mentioned them, I love all the trainees and I hope they all have bright, successful futures!

#produce 101

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toddcowrd · 7 years

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do,,, aLL of the aesthetic asks

how,, how could you do this 2 me

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

like two minutes ago :))

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

if the career i want to pursue is going to work out for me

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

i’ve done nothing noteworthy ever

but i was #1 rally champ in my region for soap box derby and i also won my local race and went to the world championships in ohio :))

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

uuhhh i got a disney pass recently and have just been going to disney a lot which makes me v happy

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

yeah man i would tell my crush that i have a crush on them, i would go get all the tattoos, all the piercings, i would prob go to a bunch of protests, and really just speak my mind all the time

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

perform in an original broadway musical as a lead role

meet daveed diggs

write and record a song

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

uhhhhhhhhhh shit man idk my friend carlos is super funny, has really bad eyesight, has just like the worst fashion sense, is sarcastic and mean af but watches all the same youtubers i do and we have so many inside jokes it’s crazy

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yeah, i think so. it wasn’t like super great but my parents supported the things i wanted to do and pushed me to succeed

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

like a few months ago probably

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my crush cause they’re super nice and i’m sure they would love to stargaze

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

yeah man i overshare all the time :))

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

one of my best friends jaque and i have 3 am conversations literally all the time

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

i would tell my brother that i love him cause i can’t remember when the last time i said it was and i want him to know

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

i lov ‘em, i lov any color eye

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“where you ought to go depends on where you want to get to” is a paraphrased quote that the cheshire cat says to alice and i’ve always interpreted it meaning if you want to get somewhere, you have to make it happen, and where you go and what you do should be what you want

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

‘almost 16 years of bullshit’

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

probably buy a bunch of makeup and theatre tickets, and i would buy my friends anything they wanted :)

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

yeah i’m a really forgiving person and i like it but i also kind of hate it bc i fall for the same thing over and over bc i give so many chances to people that don’t deserve it

(see when: i dated a guy like 5 times bc he kept leaving me but then apologizing and promising to change)

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

i’m not going to do that, i’m sorry :((

my memory is really bad so idk what i was like or what i was doing and honestly this ask is long enough lmaoo

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

i love them with all my heart i’m gonna be covered in them one day but for now i just have my septum pierced

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

it depends, sometimes i’ll wake up and not want to do makeup, sometimes i’ll wake up and spend half an hour doing it

i also have to do heavy makeup for shows sometimes

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

the entire american idiot album by greenday really affected me a few years ago and really pushed me to like,, be who i wanted to be? idk why but it made me care less what other people thought

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

you have the right to your opinion unless it is condemning some one for something that is out of their control

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

0 concerts :(

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

uhh probably lin-manuel miranda and i’d probably just want some generic speech about never giving up and working hard so i could hang it somewhere and it would inspire me

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

i do not have one but if i did it would wildly fluctuate between tidy and unruly

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

i remove any makeup i wore that day, wash my face, slap some products on it, change for bed, get a glass of water, play some music, then get in bed

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

uhh i really don’t keep secrets from my mom? she doesn’t know i’m bi but that’s just more of me not being ready to tell her rather than not wanting her to know

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

it would be like deep blue with bangs bc that’s cute af

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

my three best friends (jocsan, carlos, and jaque), em, and my friend kiara

we would go to a theme park cause they’re fun and i love them

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

to have clear skin cause my skin is horrid atm

to have the courage to tell someone that i think they’re attractive or that i have a crush on them cause i’m shy and nervous all the time

to be able to travel somewhere i’ve never been for fun cause i’ve only ever traveled for other reasons

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i wanted to be luna lovegood one year and i was going to get some ravenclaw robes, make Dirigible plum-shaped earrings (to keep away the nargles), get/make a copy of the quibbler, and make her glasses but no one sells ravenclaw robes :(

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

i mean i’m under age so

psst i may have had ‘a few’ coolers once and then proceeded to kick ass in beer pong with my friend christian (though the cups were filled with water lmao we didn’t drink any beer) it wasn’t regrettable but it was frustrating for everyone else lmaoo

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

idk probably like eat someone

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

i’d listen to fireflies by owl city cause i’ll never get tired of it

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

i mean, for me it’s like an oh shit feeling followed by happiness and nervousness

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i probably wouldn’t cut my own hair short bc i love my long hair but anyone who wants to do either of those things is rad af

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

i would trust anyone it’s simple af i either get a vanilla bean with no coffee or a passion fruit iced tea lemonade sweetened

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

uhh probably my friends and my choir class

#thanks for the ask!

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