#or how much it might shake you
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This is going to be long so the short version is this:
I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.
My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.
So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.
When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.
There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."
The grief.
The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).
It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.
Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.
But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?
Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.
And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.
And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?
And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.
Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.
I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.
#not to be dramatic#but I definitely worry this might still be dramatic#my therapist is great#but the problem with a good therapist#is that sometimes they will fucking read you#and then you get whiplash#don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy#you never know what might come of it#or how much it might shake you#I should also be clear that all this grief in a story with a happy ending isn't a bad thing#it just kind of is#and when you enjoy it#just enjoy it#every moment of joy is a gift#no matter the context#go ahead and grieve yourself#also I couldn't find an elegant way to fit this in#but the storytelling is very neurodivergent#or at least unfolds in a way that is friendly to my neurodivergence#that's why I'm not a big TV watcher anyway#but I was able to sit down and mainline this#it's the first new show I've watched in literal years#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd meta#our flag means death meta#🤯🤯🤯#😳😳😳#disenfranchised loss
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#spinda#AAAHHHH YES!!! our belovèd spinda. from their café!!! probably one of my favorite minor characters from pmd sky#whom i don't even think was in the original explorers games. i think spinda's café was exclusive to sky. if i'm remembering correct#ly. or maybe that was shaymin village. i know shaymin village was for sure but maybe it was just that and not both of them. either way#have a delicious drink and allow the flower of conversation to bloom! i could quote spinda all day. he had “hopes and dreams” before toby#ever did. THAT'S ALSO like i had no idea what spinda's pronouns were. i kept trying to figure it out because i talked about him quite a lot‚#but no one in game ever talked about him. to mention his pronouns? turns out. there's ONE line of dialogue where the post office fucker in#shaymin village mentions him and calls him a he. i think that's the only time spinda is referred to in the third person with a pronoun#i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café#which is still a really fucking good feature. of any video game. SEE WHAT I MEAN spinda and their café is just an incredibly good Thing#it's to the point where my home wifi network is named “Spinda's Café Wi-Fi” because i love it so much. so if you're ever runnin around#and you see a wifi network by that name… it might be me! you never know! or… it could be the real deal. the real spinda's café is somewhere#nearby…! ugh. i wish. i would go there immediately#not even to mention all the other shit about this pokémon that's really good. like that they never walk in straight lines or whatever#their little dance. it's just. huUGHKLJKAHJVDHJHDAJSVGD i love spinda. a nice pick-me-up after the underwhelmingness that was grumpig#shake it this way… shake it that way… and stir it all around… and it's done!
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GOTTA KEEP THOSE RECEIPTS, DAWG
#rick and morty#morty smith#rick sanchez#GUYYYYSSSS#SEASON 7 EPISODE 6 RICKFENDING YOUR MORT MIGHT BE ABOUT THE ROY EPISODE#GUYYYYYSYSSS#i wish i could properly convey to you the genuine meltdown i had when i put two and two together#i was out of it for like a solid 30 minutes i was#like old joke but this was seriously a category 5 autism event like im so serious#well anyway. im cool now(lying)#i made the colors kinda eyestrainy because i wanted it to have an arcade vibe. cause you know#also the floor has that one 80s pattern. just for the lolz#to rlly drive in the arcade thing#edit i also want to add that rick is very tentative about touching morty right now#i just want you to know how much rick wants to give him a little shoulder touch but actually his hands are shaking a little bit
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friendly reminder that plurality is caused by trauma. trauma is defined as an event that has a severe negative impact on oneself. there are going to be dark parts of plurality that no one wants to talk about. the brain created you to cope with what it went through. it's okay to have parts (or wholes) that have “twisted” desires, attractions, innerworld or external relationships, sexual or emotional needs, etc. other people might call you disgusting, evil, immoral, but it's just part of being traumatized. it's going to be unpleasant or unsightly.
read the tags.
#shout out to our multiple pairs of siblings who fuck because of the shit our mom and dad put us through with our sister#shout out to our child alters that would put themselves in dangerous situations with irl adults if we didn't healthily satisfy them#because of what our dad and various friends much older than us did to us#shout out to our various alters with non-con fantasies‚ whether its having it done or doing it‚ because we were accused of doing it to our#family and having it done to us before we were even double digits#you might think we're disgusting but this is how the brain copes#being groomed is not an experience you shake off easily#being manipulated and abused is not an experience you shake off easily#15 years of being groomed is going to make our brain do some “twisted” shit#am i scared of posting this because a friend of mine has this account? yeah. but whatever im sure itll be fine hahah.#system#did#did system#actually did#cdid#plural system#sysblr#osdd#did osdd#osdd system#endos dni#plurality is a trauma response xoxo
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#p4#persona 4#p4g#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#“i should be the one thanking you though” god yosuke GOD he still sees so much of this as him seeking justice for saki huh#nearly one year in and he still feels like this was a responsibility of his. that it was his burden that he had put on to yu.#that initial moment when he asked yu for help in entering the tv world like he still saw it as yu following through with his word primarily#i feel like there's an implication here that he thought yu might/could abandon this task for something else.#rank 10 when yosuke says “somewhere deep down I didn't trust you... no it's more like... i was jealous of you” idk i think on some level#yosuke didn't trust yu. i think yosuke who is used to being let down and used to only being paid lip service and superficial relationships#he didn't believe that someone as competent and as beloved and as enviable as yu would pull through for someone like yosuke#which again i want to shake yosuke like a snowglobe BECAUSE BBYBOY PLS HAVE MORE FAITH IN YOURSELF#DO YOU STILL NOT SEE HOW MUCH YOU'VE CHANGED YU AS MUCH AS HE'S CHANGED YOU#DO YOU KNOW UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YU WAS THANKING YOU IT WAS FOR THE SAME REASONS??#THAT YOU STAYED UNFLINCHINGLY BY HIS SIDE THROUGH GOOD TIMES AND BAD??#THAT YU ALSO HAD HIS BURDEN OF BEING A WILDCARD DESPITE BEING SOMEONE THAT STAYED CAREFULLY DETACHED SOCIALLY#BUT YOU. YOSUKE. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CHANGED HIS MIND AND HELPED HIM AND MADE HIM BETTER AND I#YU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOYALTY AND DEEP MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS LOOKED LIKE EITHER UNTIL YOU AAAA WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT#srry idk why that was in all caps i got very passionate for a moment#anyway. them.#he's good with his queue
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Wouldn’t want him getting lost now, would we (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#DAX#Me quietly while watching Muppet Treasure Island: Don't | My brain: Haha anyway- ♪#I don't even have to reread! My brain just does this nonsense! It's still Right There at the forefront of my mind#At this rate I'll have to go pick up Treasure Island from the library *shakes fist* Stevensonnnnnnnnnnn#I will admit that the itch to reread has been growing but mmmmn I've got fics to vet for printing! And that one's technically unfinished!#I mean I might break soon lol but mmmmnnnnn!#Same thing when I was in a Treasure Planet mood years(?! how has it been that long and I still haven't rewatched!) ago#Anyway yes these were inspired by rewatching Muppet Treasure Island lol - it's just one interpretation after the other!#If you happen to go seeking out Professional Pirate you might recognize the second shot as when Jim has been kidnapped by the pirates#I kinda just interpolated from there lol#Same vibe as the set I made a while ago of ZEX piercing the Captain - there's just Something So about ZEX leaving a mark on him!#Not directly altering him (at least more than skin-deep haha) but decorating him! Dressing him up! There's Something about that#Like a living museum - how much does ZEX project onto the Captain? There's a lot of weird vibes around them <3#He wants A Human and he has His Human but hmmm ♪#Well for the time being that's his only human - and seeing as he's collared but without a leash in the last one he's not running away!#It's progress haha#Hhhh drawing the Captain in pirate garb really is one of my favourites <3 I had so much fun the first times around and it's still fun!#His hair is for some reason I cannot explain easier to draw in this setting - there is no explanation I can think of but it is! Why fight it#ZEX is also very fun to draw in pirate gear haha ♫ I really think it's one of his handsomest interpretations#I always think he's pretty! But something about the pirate aesthetic adds to his masculinity? :0#He's still a swishy pirate hehe ♥ Maybe it's the open chest on his tunic haha I just think he's very handsome!
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head in my hands. im so bored of people's takes. yes im super happy that people where able to enjoy it but it is NOT poor literary skills to be unsatisfied with simon & betty's ending. it's not bad because they broke up, it's bad because it SUCKED.
#* shaking you * its the execution !!!!!!!!#im not upset that they arent a couple anymore im upset bc they way the show went about it#was TERRIBLE#and SUPER INCONSISTENT WITH THEIR ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS#AND#IM NGL. IK I MIGHT NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THIS AS A MAN. BUT. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT#IT WAS EXTREMELY MYSOGYNISTIC!!!!#explodinggggg#fionna and cake spoilers#i cant look at the fionna & cake tag in hopes for fan content to soothe my anguish#bc its full of ppl saying shit abt how u suck if u didnt like the ending????#like im fine w ppl talking abt how they liked it#but why is there so much ' you guys are idiots for not liking it '#WHGJ#damn im sorry i didnt know i cant be dissatisfied with things !#its pushing me further & further from 'i have mixed feelings' to 'it was bad' tbh#text
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day 26
someday if i can figure out how the hell people get these things made i would like to do some little destiny & malice acrylic charms. i think those are so fun. and while i mostly want them for Myself i figure that if i DID figure out the process, i should maybe open up the option to anyone else that might want them, soooo...
informal poll: if i figure out how all that works, would any of y'all be into that, and approximately how many of you?
#day 26#year 5#my ocs#destiny chainsaw#malice winterfang#i know i've said i don't really like the idea of commissions and this isnt like a PROMISE or anything#i still have a lot of research to do before i commit to a shop of any kind#BUT. i think like a redbubble or something in that vein might be a manageable project#i mention stickers specifically because that seems like a very manageable thing to produce and ship even if i didnt go through like#a service to do so#particularly because i dont think id get a TON of orders for my niche OCs lol#but if i got some practice with something small like this it MIIIIGHT help me build up to making things for a larger market like...#say... well you know what i'm about over here lmao#we've basically all but gotten the official blessings of the powers that be to make homestuck merch without fear of reprisal at this point#ANYWAY that would be a ways off and be a much MUCH bigger project both artistically and in terms of like#me learning how Online Commerce works from the seller end.#BUT I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING IT. and it seems to me that it would at least be relatively simple to sell like. prints of old art maybe#i dunno! like i said i'll see how the poll shakes out while i do a bit more research
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any time i remember time lord victorious arc i start shaking like a sick fucking dog
#having an extraordinarily hard time watching waters of mars rn literally episode of all fucking time#they dont make them like this anyMOOOOOOOOOORE OHHMY GODDDD#icould talk abt it for hours istg it's so. grips you shakes you shakes you shakes you shakes you sh#the WAYYDYDYDHDHDJDJDJDUJDJDHDJDUDJD THHHEEEE THE THE THE . HTHHEHEH#the way u can see glimpses of what's to come in all 4 seasons but especially in voyage of the#damned and then s4 onwards but u dont realise JUST how much he went insane until now#like there's echoes of this in votd but you might not even pick up on it if you dont Know#n here he's just fully gone it's sooo. IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO. CHARACTER OF ALL TIME#man so profoundly tragic his entire story is abt speedrunning losing everything and#going insane and dying. and yet he still spends like 20 entire minutes crying and begging not to die. okay#i cant rank drs they're my best friends so idk who my fave dr is but 10's is easily my favourite story it's so. it's SOOO.#anyway sorry. stops shaking you and pats your arms down awkwardly. carry on#doctor who#dw lb#10th doctor#the waters of mars#time lord victorious#i was today years old when i learned there's apparently a whole audio series about it that#came out in the past few years. well i aint listenin to that. everything i need is on my screen already#also. the way most ppl havent even seen these specials coz they're impossible to find online..#even tho waters of mars is like. not just extremely important but also yknow. extremely good
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SCREMS my snautsticic child
he is trying ok!!!!!! one tiny snake human hybrid built from the cave-ground-up, , attempting to learn all the implicit rules of humanness?! as if it isn't already tough enough out here!!!!
#ALL he has to work off of is the Great Serpent's memories? fuzzy clips of ppl he might have seen or interacted with??#depending on the kind of snake he was he could have a variety of defense mechanisms#he could have had to suppress his hissing instinct. or maybe he contorted his body in that adorably vertical corn snake way when he scared#big baby eyes trying to mimic the ppl around him but they are busy being judgemental#so many stupid little human things that villagers try to explain to him as “that's just the way it is” or “never really thought about why”#and yakumo just stares in disbelief bc how could u have never thought about the concept of goosebumps#you're telling me ur skin turns into plucked-bird-skin when you're cold or frightened and that is completely mundane?#you're telling me that when ppl try to hug you it is NOT because they want to strangle u to death and eat u????#how much strength am i supposed to put into a hug then. NOT bone crushimg??????#WHAT EMOTION IS THIS GESTURE SUPPOSED TO CONVEY#yakumo#the tags tho#now imagining blade and yakumo shaking hands and discussing “why are humans such funky lil guys and why do they do the things they do”#several of the non-humans gather in a monthly meeting like:#on today's agenda: WTF is kissing. why are they smashing their food holes together.#one week they bring in a guest human (edmond?) and ask him all of humanity's big questions from non-human POV#and edmond's just like ??? i don't know???!?!??#and eberyone throws up their arms in frustration bc if humans don't make sense to the humans then what are we supposed 2do
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Felt a deep need to forcemasc Moe (it/its, but it gets a little extra gender. As a treat) and. The doodle dump got a little out of hand 😅
Plus the textpost inspo!
#fire emblem#feh#i've been a little dysphoric lately and it's gotten so bad it's seeping into moe. which is so sad#and like. drawing this/few other doodles was a nice reminder that ohhh yeah. moe isn't devoid of gender#it has Wrong Gender. something out of its control but has embraced and doubled down about it w purpose.#anyways i love the first panel so much those fighting stance poses were really fun#ALSO. LOVE. hcing sharena as being touchy bc it's so funny. GRABS YOU SHAKES YOU GRABS YOU SHAKES YOU#also. moe calling alfonse 'buddy' is not the denial you may think it is. when you factor in#how moe is two for two on the demiro/ace spectrums.#also also. moe accept that someone might geniunely like you for who you are challenge. impossible.#fe alfonse#sharena#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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Ink October day twenty-five: Contexture
The act of weaving or assembling parts into a whole.
An arrangement of interconnected parts; a structure.
The arrangement and union of the constituent parts of a thing; a weaving together of parts; structural character of a thing; system; constitution; texture.
#will I ever be normal about them? no. fuck you.#kh xion#kh roxas#kh sora#xion kh#roxas kh#sora kh#roxas#Xion#kingdom hearts xion#xion kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts sora#sora kingdom hearts#roxas kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts roxas#kingdom hearts#kh#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 25#thinking about how Xion isn’t just Sora’s replica but Roxas’ as well. girlie has more identity issues then you can shake a stick at#she fights like Roxas she fights like Sora she might even like fighting but she was made for it after all#does the weopon like violence because it enjoys it or because it is a weopon to begin with#I’d say Sora to a certain extent enjoys fighting (see: the colosseum and the play fighting during childhood) I think he likes fighting peop#and likes fighting with people when the stakes aren’t too high. it’s fun. on the other hand I think the closest thing to fighting Roxas#likes is struggle. maybe with some play wrestling or something. but if the person your hitting isn’t dropping colour balls he isn’t into it#it becomes at best a chore at worst something that would fuck with his trauma. he doesn’t wanna be a keyblade master he wants to be normal.#Xion on the other hand is much more complicated. I think she enjoys it (her choosing to train on their day off) but more in the way that#she finds it satisfying instead of fun. she likes Completing Tasks and Improving and things that when she focuses on past reveal she finds#uncomfortable. running out of space but Phemiec’s All I Want. ‘all I want is to know the wanting is my own’ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgg
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looking up para ballroom dance....always so lovely for me to remember that i will have options!!! like even if i keep declining like i am rn i feel. confident that i could still find a way to have dance as a part of my life.
and i love watching the world champs they r all sooo good. i am very impressed with the technique
#personal#there's so many steps that just look cooler in a wheelchair tbh#you can compete combi with one standing partner and one partner in a wheelchair#or duo. where both partners are in wheelchairs#really love seeing how you can do the style even without the footwork#have been having a really hard time this week with the fact that i might not be able to dance for much longer#currently i was dancing 6 days a week. 16 hours minimum a week#but i've fainted at every single practice so far#it's taking so much muscle strength to keep myself upright and stop shaking that it's hard to do proper technique#and idk. just always really important to me to see how adaptation and accessibility is not a tragedy#chronic illness tag
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…
#I had a dream about the handsome chubby straight dad from work#I was working alone and he came into the store right when I was about to close#which he’s done a couple times in real life and I’m always more than happy to let him stay even though it’s after hours#but anyway in the dream he came in and I walked up and reached out to shake his hand#then he grabbed my hand and held onto it and pushed me up against a wall#his entire body was pressed up against me and he had one leg pressed between mine and I could feel his bulge on my hip#he held my hands up above my head and looked down at me and said ‘‘this is what you want right? I’ve seen how you look at me”#I barely managed to choke out a ‘‘yes sir”#he said ‘‘I used to do this all the time. had an overnight bag for any situations that might come up just in case’’#he said that his wife knew what he was doing and that the one time he’d brought her in was so she could meet me and approve of me#‘‘I’m sorry if I misread but I think you want this as much as I do”#he was so handsome and big and feeling his body against mine while he had me pushed up against the wall was just asdfghjkllkl#fuuuuuuck#I woke up so fucking hard y’all#just absolutely bricked up and throbbing#anyway I promise I’m being completely normal about this dream#me#personal as hell#lubbock texas#we've always been around
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YOOOOOO I'VE SEEN SOME OF MY MUTUALS AND PEOPLE i FOLLOW REBLOG YOU, BUT I DIDN'T YOU WERE PART OF A FRC TEAM LETS GOOOOOO
YEAHHHHH im trying to get back into mentoring this year but college has me girlrotting. i love competitions i love FRC i love robots i love Dean Kamen i love the spirit i want to be buried in the pits
even if sometimes i remember that there's teams literally sponsored by NASA and i want to put my head into a wall. like CONGRATULATIONS. IM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. but on the otherhand jeez ain't it great that you have several hundred thousand dollars and NASA engineers volunteering for you. thats very ethical
like obviously they cant just bar NASA engineers and other highly skilled individuals from volunteering because its GREAT that they want to be involved but also its just funny.
#as someone who did awards. its really hard to not see chairmans/impact videos and see how they won because they have so much money#'we flew every member of our high school robotics team to a third world country and taught them STEM!' first of all .#i dont know if i believe you. second of all. WITH WHAT FUNDS?#my brother whos an alumni and retired driver :handshake: me who's an alumni and retired awards writer and spokesperson#shaking with rage at seeing a team getting probably multi-million dollar scholarships a year win Our Thing#not very first positive in the tags but i love you. i love you if you're a big team and i am very happy for you#and i love first and there's no fixing this issue#but i will talk about this to everyone i know because WHATT#IMAGINE IF A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM GOT MENTORED AND SPONSORED BY HTE NFL??#actually that might be a thing already im not into sports#frc robotics#omgrobots#mika-posts
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