#or a chance of ever being free
Note
For Neteri!
What memory do they revisit the most often?
Who do they most regret meeting?
What makes their stomach turn?
What memory do they revisit the most often?
At the moment she's rather haunted by the moment she watched Erebus disappear in front of her :) His terrified expression won't leave her head
Who do they most regret meeting?
I almost want to say Erebus, because at this point she blames herself for his fate (rightly so it's partially her fault!) so maybe if they hadn't met things would have turned out better for him?
What makes their stomach turn?
She's fine being elbow-deep in blood and guts, but she can't stand rotten food. Thankfully, she's good about eating what she has at home and not letting it get to that point.
#ask game#yet-another-heathen#neteri#thanks wick :( i need neteri content in my life i miss her#except she's being very depressing and sad rn 😔#but what can ya do the consequences have arrived#if they hadnt met...erebus might not have had *as* traumatic of a time but he also would not have had anything like the support she gave hi#or a chance of ever being free
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Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 99
Part 1 Part 98
Steve spends a short three days in the hospital before they start the discharge. It’s surprising, somehow, that spending time slowly dying in the Upside-Down is more traumatic on the body than literal possession. Eddie can’t wrap his head around it.
He’s sitting on Steve’s bed, hopefully for the last time, hip to hip as he kicks his feet out over and over again at the same tempo of his beating heart. Steve’s got their fingers interlaced on Eddie’s thigh, flexing his own fingers to that same rhythm Eddie’d started up.
“You think it’ll be much longer?” Steve asks, slumping his head to the side and atop Eddie’s shoulder.
His hair tickles Eddie’s cheek. Eddie wants to reach up and smooth it back, but Steve’s still holding his hand, and the other one doesn’t quite reach.
“Nah, the old man’s good at getting what he wants.”
“That’s because he’s got the same big, sad eyes as you.”
Eddie squawks in fake affront even as warmth pools in his cheeks. Few people have mentioned a resemblance, and it makes him go soft and gooey every time. “I don’t have big, sad eyes!” He shakes Steve’s hand around gently in his - he’s always, always gentle. “I’m too tough.”
Steve snorts, small and tired. Even with relatively minor injuries, neither of them have been sleeping well in the small hospital cot. It’s starting to show in the circles beneath Steve’s eyes. Eddie wants to bundle him up in the backseat of Wayne’s truck and tuck him into their bed at home.
They won’t even have to come back. All they’ve got is some sort of cream for Steve’s burns, and Eddie’s bruised ribs and broken nose are supposed to heal all on their own. His concussion’s already behind him, even if things still go a little wonky if he moves his neck too quickly.
They can just convalesce. Maybe Wayne will bring them soup. Or burgers from the diner and a strawberry milkshake to split. Anything will be better than the mind-numbing sterility of the hospital, as long as they’re together.
If only Wayne would hurry the hell up.
It’s not Wayne who walks in. It’s not any of their friends, or family, or an unnamed doctor in blue scrubs. It’s not anyone he recognizes at all.
It’s a perfectly matched pair - like salt and pepper shakers at a fancy diner. Eddie feels his shoulders curl, a silent question mark to their upright forms.
The woman looks like a mannequin, in her gray pencil knit skirt and matching cardigan, belted tight enough to make her look like a wine glass. Her hair is a windswept brown and her chin’s raised just so.
The man’s suit is a pewter gray, matching her skirt perfectly. He has his hands stuffed into the pockets of his slacks, like he’s posing for a catalog as he looms imposingly on the threshold.
She knocks on the frame of the door, calling a quiet, “knock knock,” as the man strides in.
Eddie feels Steve’s hair brush against his cheek as he sits up and twists, to look at the new arrivals. Eddie doesn’t look toward him, can’t tear his eyes away from the pair, as the woman comes to stand beside the man, photogenic smile plastered to her face, even as the man glares down at them.
“Steven,” he says, eyebrows furrowed in an expression Eddie knows intimately. He’s seen it on Steve’s own face enough times. It’s less charming on the older, meaner model.
Steve drops his hand covertly and shuffles slightly to the left and away, leaving Eddie’s hand to flop to the mattress, bereft.
“Dad,” Steve replies.
Eddie turns, can’t not when Steve’s voice comes out so even, so lifeless, so dead. It’s just like when the mind flayer was running the show. Like Steve’s not there at all.
He is though. And that feels worse, because as Eddie stares at Steve’s perfect profile, he can almost see the years of distance and berating stacking themselves into the clench of his jaw and that familiar furrow of eyebrows.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” His Dad doesn’t shout, but the hiss somehow still feels like it’s echoing off the bare walls of the hospital room.
Steve flinches back. Eddie sits on his hand as it twitches without his permission to grab onto Steve’s own.
“For what, sir?” Mrs. Harrington’s perfect face scrunches up into a wince as she looks sidelong at her husband’s stony face. He opens his mouth, eyebrows angrier than ever, and Steve blurts, “I’m sorry.”
It doesn’t help.
“Sorry,” he says evenly, like his fist wasn’t clenched in preparation for a strike. “Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”
Steve sits, wordless, as he stares up at him, unblinking.
Mrs. Harrington sighs. “Oh, Steve.” It sounds sympathetic, but Steve’s back curls in, arms wrapping around his ribs as he looks down at his own hanging feet.
Eddie sits on his other hand.
Steve remains silent while storm clouds bloom above Mr. Harrington’s head.
Mrs. Harrington sighs, crossing arms and tapping perfectly manicured fingers against her own forearms, that same familiar beat that Steve gravitates toward without any of the soul.
“Sweetie,” she starts, no warmth in her voice or eyes. “I understand that you might have been feeling a little sick, but that’s no excuse for the state you left the house in.”
Eddie looks at Steve out of the corner of his eyes, and sees Steve looking right back, eyebrow quirked up in a silent question Eddie doesn’t know how to answer with witnesses.
“I’m sorry,” Steve says again, looking back down to the linoleum between his feet.
“You’re sorry?” Mr. Harrington demands, voice raising with each syllable he utters. “You flooded the house, Steven!”
Steve flinches at the sound of his name. Eddie reaches out for the connection between them and plucks it, thrumming it like a guitar. Steve smiles, just a little, down at his socked feet.
It’s a mistake. Mr. Harrington’s nostrils flare. Eddie sees the resemblance in the way his nose leans just slightly to the left, almost charmingly crooked. But there’s none of that familiar light behind Mr. Harrington’s eyes. He’s an empty pit, a bottomless well.
“We’ve had to replace all of the carpeting on the second floor,” Mrs. Harrington cuts in, looking down at her nails, uncaring as Mr. Harrington’s incensed further by her words.
“We wouldn’t have even known if the Allen’s hadn’t called us!” He’s shouting now, gesturing wildly toward the open door like whoever the Allen’s are, they’re waiting right outside, watching the show.
Mrs. Harrington sighs. “Oh, Richard. Don’t make a scene.”
As if spurred on by his wife’s chastising words, Mr. Harrington’s voice only gets louder. “You soiled the carpet beyond repair.” He punctuates his words with a raised finger, like he’s counting down all the sins he’s ready to lay at his son’s feet. “You made a spectacle of yourself in front of all the neighbors.” Another raised finger.
He points both fingers at Steve’s face, finger close enough to his nose that Eddie wants to snap out and bite it. “You left the garage open to be ransacked!” And here comes raised finger number three.
Steve’s curling further and further into himself, creating distance between his Father’s wagging finger and his vulnerable face.
“Leaving the door open, Steven?” Mrs. Harrington asks, just as aloof and uncaring of the scene in front of her, even as she says, “we could have been killed.”
Eddie can’t help the snort that comes out. It’s all just such a cartoonish display, almost unbelievable even as he watches it play out in front of him. He slaps his hand over his mouth, but both their gazes have already snapped over to him.
Well, better him than Stevie. Stevie, who Eddie’s seen with that same curled posture hiding in his closet, and looking up at his own goddamn house from the passenger seat of Eddie’s van.
He’d been straight backed facing down a demogorgon but just the sight of his parents has him fading into himself. No fucking way. Not on Eddie’s watch.
Eddie slaps his own thighs once, sharp enough that it stings. Mrs. Harrington jumps, just a little, at the sound. Eddie stands, shifting on the balls of his feet until he’s just slightly in front of Steve, ready to defend.
“Wouldn’t you have to actually be home for that?” Eddie asks.
Mrs. Harrington gasps, hand over her cheek like Eddie had slapped her. “Excuse me?” she asks, at the same time that Mr. Harrington demands, “who are you?”
Eddie puts his pointer finger to his chin, pouting like he’s really thinking this through. “You know, I think you’d know that if you were ever actually around.”
Steve stands, shoulder to shoulder with Eddie as his Dad takes a threatening step toward Eddie.
“This is Eddie,” Steve says, voice flat and cold. King Steve’s come out to play. Eddie grins, manic and wide in that way that’s always worked to rile up cops and teachers alike. It works just as well on the Harrington’s. He sticks out his tongue and almost laughs again when Mrs. Harrington takes a startled step back. “You’d know that if you gave half a shit about me.”
Mr. Harrington scoffs as he looks Eddie up and down, eyeing the rips in his jeans, the frayed hem of his t-shirt, the unkempt length of his hair. He turns away, dismissing him without even a word as he looks back at Steve.
“It’s time to go,” he says, glaring down at his son. “We’ll talk about this at home.”
Steve takes a step away from Mr. Harrington’s grasping hands. Eddie reaches out, interlocking their fingers again and squeezing tight. The splint on Steve’s finger sticks out awkwardly, digging into Eddie’s own hand as Steve squeezes right back.
“Eddie is my home,” Steve says, like that isn’t the most romantic thing he’s ever heard.
He almost swoons, even as Mr. Harrington rages, looking between the pair of them, making connections Eddie desperately hopes are true and even more desperately hopes the man won’t go spreading around.
“Last chance,” Mr. Harrington says. “Or we’re-”
He doesn’t get to finish. Wayne chooses that moment to walk in. His stance goes loose immediately, gaze sharp.
“Richard,” he says. Calm, cool, and gruff as he meets both their enraged eyes, one after another. “Nora.”
Mrs. Harrington sucks on her teeth, mouth pursed as she holds her silence. Mr. Harrington has no such compunction.
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
Wayne raises his eyebrow before turning his back on them to run his eyes over Steve and Eddie in turn. “You boys alright?” Steve nods, but Eddie raises his hand to flap it back and forth in a wishy-washy gesture that Wayne grimaces at. “Ready to go home?”
Richard scoffs, taking a threatening step forward. “What do you mean home?” Steve flinches as the last word lands with derision. Steve doesn’t respond, just looks down at his own shoes with a clenched jaw.
Mrs. Harrington sighs, and it lands in the room like a blow.
Wayne’s eyes have gone hold and hard as he turns around and steps fully in front of Steve. “Steve’s been staying with me for over a year,” Wayne says, tone modulated and controlled even as his hands clench. “And you didn’t even notice.”
“Steven,” Richard says, a warning hidden in his tone. “Last chance.”
Eddie leans around Wayne to look between the pair. He resists the urge to pull Steve behind him. Eddie squeezes his hand and is floored when Steve’s shoulders immediately straighten, chin raised just so, like he’s keeping his crown straight atop his head.
He stands, shoulders back, head held high. Eddie stands right along with him.
“I’m not going with you,” Steve says, boring holes into his Father’s head with the force of his conviction from behind Wayne’s shoulder.
Mr. Harrington’s jaw clenches with whatever he sees on Steve’s face. He reaches his hand out, palm open and beckoning. “Give me your keys,” he demands, curling his fingers like he’s in a cheesy karate movie and begging his opponent to make the first move.
Steve laughs. “You want my car?” His laugh is hollow. “You’ll have to go get it from the trailer park.”
Mrs. Harrington eyes Eddie and Wayne like she’s putting pieces together he’d rather she not have. Even still, she turns away with an airy, “Come on, Richard.” When he doesn’t immediately follow her directions, she continues, “this isn’t the place.”
Mr. Harrington’s snarling like a dog, finger still raised in threat as he hisses, “this isn’t over,” before turning and striding through the door with enough careless force that his shoulder hits the frame with a meaty thwack.
“See you next year, then!” Eddie calls, waving bitchily at their backs.
They all stare at the open door, waiting for an attack that never comes until Mrs. Harrington’s heels stop echoing down the corridor.
“What the hell was that?” Wayne asks gruffly.
Steve’s jaw is clenched, as he glares out the open doorway, but at Wayne’s question, he slumps, stepping closer to Eddie until he can lay some of his weight onto Eddie’s shoulders. It hurts his ribs, but Eddie takes it gladly, wrapping his hand around Steve’s waist.
“Just the usual,” Steve says, sounding exhausted.
Wayne eyes him critically as Steve avoids his gaze. Eddie squeezes Steve’s side, flickering his fingers against his waist just to feel him wriggle against the feeling.
“Alright, kid,” Wayne says, reaching out to squeeze both their shoulders comfortingly. Steve slumps further into Eddie who gladly takes his weight. “I think it’s about time we all get home.”
Eddie smiles, bumping his hip into Steve.
He was already home. After all, Steve’s right here.
Part 100
Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso @best-selling-show @v3lv3tf0x @bookworm0690 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @wonderland-girl143-blog @nerdsconquerall @sharingisntkaren @canmargesimpson @bananahoneycomb @rainwaterapothecary @practicallybegging
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie upsidedown au#my fic#anyway. Steve's disowned!!! Hop just didn't give them a chance to say it#Also Steve does NOT realize anything he said was romantic. He's just like. of COURSE Eddie is like the most important part of my life#anyway. I really enjoyed the Harrington's as a looming presence in the story. Haunting Steve in their absence#and then finally being set free (disowned) is like the best thing that could ever happen to him
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to the next stage of our adventure!
digimon survive week 2024
day 7: post-game / future
personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.
other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw:
there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide.
if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back.
if you're sure, then alright.
i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so...
pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused.
the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route).
i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened.
(between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...)
from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself.
lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too.
it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead".
the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources.
the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death).
even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing".
i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state.
out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :')
after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.
#digimon#digimon survive#shuuji kayama#lopmon#survive week#survive week 2024#obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨#sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it#thanks for being patient with me :')#so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches#if i ever finish them i will post and tag#if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss#then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one#back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like#let's keep surviving y'alls#png
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Found this on IG this morning..
Seems like the more popular SSO gets, the more greedy they become.. ):
*Included a reddit link
#which is every buisness these days#but i was really hopeful about the sweet looking horsey game that seemed to give us so much#now theyre taking away something so many look forward to each week#some players are just being immediately robbed of ever having that chance to enjoy the free sc#im kinda sad about it now#i guess i had my hopes too high with sso not being like the rest of these gaming companies#but everyday they like to prove me wrong#🙃#sso#star stable#star stable online#ssoblr#star stable screenshots#starstable#horse game#starstableonline
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wake UP oofuriheads time to fan the dying embers of your crushed hopes and dreams once again ❗❗
#oofuri#we have a 1/200 chance of this being us. i say these odds are better than ever#ok but they put all the episodes up for free on youtube last year........???¿ region locked to japan#until dec 31st at least#but that's perfect bc it lines up with a big reveal in january....#girl.... im so desperate 😭#and now i have to wait 3 days to know wtf is going on ............ cryyyyy#if im wrong i'll just walk into a big lake no exceptions
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a good cry always does wonders
#sorry for the vent ! feel free to scroll past !#had a nice conversation w my bf today#let out a good cry#and idt ive ever loved him more#was anxious about sharing lots of things w him bc i didn't really know how he'd react#or was afraid of disappointing him or smth but#he could already tell#i never used to fully grasp what it meant or felt like when ppl would say: someone who knows u better than u know urself#but today he rlly showed me just that#he's been hinting smth at me for the past few months that he thinks maybe this one thing i'm trying out isn't really for me#bec i guess he could really see that i was just trying to force it#and when i was sharing how i felt today and couldn't really voice it out#he tried to help me w it and asked if i was feeling x way and y way#and it was exactly that :( he said it was cos he's been noticing it from me for a while#and he was so sweet with the way he responded too#all love and support and not in any way disappointed at all#and idk i just feel like wow. isn't that such a special thing? to have someone know and respect u like this#i appreciate how he didn't push/pry at me the months before (bc he knows i don't really like being prodded unless i share it myself)#(i like to keep things to myself for a while to give myself the chance to handle it before involving others)#and idk i'm feeling a different type of soft today#and like a huge weight was lifted off me#lovebug#i talked so much again
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Cough cough AU where Dr Rabbit and Vanny both take full control over Vanessa and Gregory's bodies and escape PQ ending style while Vanessa and Gregory consciousness' are trapped in their respective arcade machines and Vanny n Rab try to live a domestic life like 3 star fam and move on from everything they did but they know that taking over Vanessa and Gregory's bodies to try and achieve a more "normal" life style is wrong and that they need to give them control and their lives back but are scared of losing the freedom they've never had in their lives that they've just now achieved cough cough
#Chip Chatter#Vanny trying to act like everything is normal and fine and nothing is wrong with what they're doing knowing damn well that it's wrong#while Dr Rabbit is very openly aware of the fact that this isn't right and that they need to give up control and free Vanessa and Gregory#they know that this life they yearn for- a normal life outside of Glitchtraps control where they can just be normal people- wasn't meant#for them. They were created with a purpose and that purpose was to serve Glitchtrap and kill anyone who got too nosey#they weren't made to have normal lives#but now that they have *some* sense of normality#they just don't want to let go#no matter how wrong it is#maybe Vanessa and Gregory could make them little robot bodies or something after they're freed so they can still live outside the walls of#the pizzaplex<3#sorry just- the idea of Vanny and Rab being basically just#*people*. People with thoughts and feelings and wants and goals#it's just so interesting to me..#they've never thought about life outside of their purpose for more than a fleeting moment beforehand- they knew their purpose and#everything they could ever need or want was all within the walls of the Pizzaplex. Freedom wasn't *necessary* and it wasn't for them#but after getting a taste of it- a chance at living a normal life#they'd take it out of curiosity- like a small outing before getting back to work#but then they just... get used to it#it's comfortable. It's relaxing. It's *new*. Nothing like what they were made to do- nothing they've ever experienced before#but they love it. They love it so much that they just.. don't want to look back.#normality is *nice*. It's *refreshing*. but it's so wrong at the same time.#no matter how domestic things are- they can never fully get rid of the nagging feeling in the back of their minds that this is wrong. that#what they're doing isn't right. That this life they're getting a taste of could never be permanent.#and it's so weird cause they've never given a shit about “right and wrong”. Hell- we all know what they've done- how they're parasites#created to infect Vanessa and Gregory and do Glitchtraps bidding. That isn't *right*. They always knew that. So it's so odd to them that#out of everything they've done- *this* is what feels so wrong#yet so right at the same time.#they're having one hell of a time with their confusing ass morals#hafbergujrfdsujhf okay anyways I'll shut up now I just love them<3
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Does Onestar go to the Dark Forest? Cuz I remember you mentioning you dislike "redemption through death" and he technically did violate Darkstar’s Commandment by abandoning his own kit so :/
No, he does not go to the Dark Forest
They don't instant-damn for single violations of the Warrior Code, though they do blame him for abandoning Darktail and are a lot more pissed about him allowing The Kin to get as bad as it did.
But, this is before the Law of the Lake, and during a time StarClan is much softer. He DOES get a Trial, but not enough of them are FURIOUS angry to enter emotional-override.
It's very... disappointed. Loving but disappointed. Especially from people like Firestar and Tallstar, who wanted Onestar to rule peacefully, and help the other Clans. The people who are angriest with him are the people who loved him the most.
Cats like Skystar think he was great. Cats like his dad Cloudrunner wouldn't damn him.
But I do think they allow Darktail to testify at this trail. He needs to go to the Dark Forest, he's an evil cat who horribly drowned several young warriors, but they will still allow him to say his piece on the cat who abandoned him.
"...And I hope that you all vote to accept him," He says to wide eyes, "Because the worst punishment of all is having everything he denied me. His friends, his family, his leader name. Every time you see him, remember the place he denied me, and remember every warrior I sent here to get my revenge."
#I hate the Redemption By Death trope but I can't deny that it matters#Correcting your mistakes with your life is something I despise because LIVING with those mistakes is what matters#Putting that growth into practice and being a better person than the guy you were yesterday#Death By Redemption is so trite and easy. It's cheap. There is no chance to ever fuck up again#But that's not what life is#You do better than yesterday and you fuck up a little and you keep doing better.#I hate the popularity of Big Displays of Affection That Fix Everything such as this specific trope#really it all goes back to the free churro speech from bojack lmao#The part specifically about Grand Gestures#Like. Cool. Onestar alienates his allies and causes a massive Lakewide battle and allows the Kin to become a massive problem because he's--#--being a cowardly hardass but. ayo. He killed his kid so awooga it's all fixed#Bonefall AVoS#Bonefall Rewrite
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realizing a lot of the people around me are fucked in the head when i got picked in a stupid game as the group's most irresponsible person because i fuck around at my job due to im not an idiot (dont let my job dictate my life) or a coward (am aware my livelihood is not tied so much to my current job which doesn't offer continuity beyond a 1 year contract as to my ability to sell my time due to my #marxist influences and also having lived a life on planet earth like before this moment and for a number of years so i wont go beyond what im getting paid at all ever) when i am 1 employed 2 independent 3 doing just fine. like oooh i get it. you guys think letting your job rule your life and not the other way around is responsible and not just sucking all meaning out of life. cause you're insane
#like to say this to someone with a 1 year contract with no possibility for renewal is crazy. you think i should work hard? for what exactly#im literally more of a nuisance to fire than i am being the world's most useless underpaid intern. so i can play hard#also girl who is going to be responsible for your happiness if you devote all your free time to making sure you dont do anything that could#distract you from work or fuck up your work.. when the work would chuck you out the first chance it got if it was better for business be fr#people when you say you're leftist: yay-> people when you actually believe the leftist stuff and it affects your everyday life: stop it lol#anyways never befriend the middle class worst mistake i ever made in my life#personal
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my builder is pissed at absolutely everyone inside this cell but they have never had any positive feelings towards yan whereas they Thought Miguel Was Their Friend (he came to their BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!) and pen was at soulmate-level, so. while yan definitely deserves a verbal beatdown, the one he receives is.... going to involve a lot of rage that is really meant for the other two that my builder isn't able to express towards them right now. but he's an asshole, so while it's technically misplaced, it's still deserved.
mentioning mi-an is also a terrible choice bc it just reminds her of how much of an ass he's been to mi-an, who is, by all accounts, a very nice girl. that just turns the rage back to full force. very "and ANOTHER thing!"
#my builder: sure yan. now that you've mentioned mi-an i'll help you escape. i'll even let you be the one to unlock the door.#my builder: first just stick your hand through the bars :)#and then of course when he does they grab his hand and start bending his fingers back#my builder: yan. yan listen. stop yelling and listen. i'm not gonna hurt you much. i just want you to know that i can.#my builder: as long as you stay put in that cell you're safe as houses. snug as a bug. all your needs taken care of.#my builder: but if you ever get free?#my builder: i will find you. i will bring you back here. and i will bury you so deep even the buzzards won't find your bones.#mtas#mtas spoilers#mtas yan#mtas pen#mtas miguel#which she's yelling at him for being a terrible boss and a shit person it's pretty normal#when it starts to delve into 'people would DIE if your plans worked and duvos swept in do you understand that? they would DIE.' it's...#still relevan bc while his part in this is smaller it still would have the same result. but everyone there knows he doesn't care.#miguel and maybe pen are the ones who that speech needs to be directed to#but. she can't look at them without also wanting to cry and she is NOT going to do that damn it she will cry#yan tho? no chance of crying when she sees him. he just sucks. 100%.#so he's the one who gets yelled at. he's the proxy for the points she's making
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Still crying over my friend telling me that they’ve never heard of Chief Keef-
#put me on my ass like heavyweight#rambling#he’s a legend if you never minded drill music and even if you hated it he still kind of became the face of the entire sub genre at such a#young age and he had white kids and nbs in the suburbs and other countries wanting to be a black kid from the hood like he had grown men#growing out their locs 😭…#everyone wanted to be chief keef lmfao#insane#he hasn’t been back to Chicago ever since he left all of those years ago but it’s Better if he never came back anyway for his own safety#tbh#I’m glad he’s still alive lol#lil Reese went to our hs and was in my sisters class and was one of the bad ass kids#one of CK’s friends and stuff#i probably saw him myself before since one of his friends or himself was passing out mixtapes and i remember taking it since it was free#and I didn’t want to be rude#i remember being on my way home back from school I was probably a sophomore in hs or so and it was raining#I felt so bad for throwing it away since I didn’t like drill at the time but after giving his music a chance I was like NOOOOOO#I felt like that person who bought that nge character book and scrubbed off Anno’s signature because they thought it was scrabble bro
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Which Symbolic Fruit Are You?
Kakavasha~
Clementine
In Chinese culture , clementines , known for their bright orange , waxy exterior , were symbolic of gold , & by extension , wealth , good fortune & abundance . Trees that bear clementines ( or mandarins , as they're also known as ) are often used to decorate the thresholds of Chinese households as a sign of good luck & prosperity .
As lucky as Clementines may be , so are you & those around you . With a sunny disposition , & a knack for seeing the best in everyone , & the good in the world around you , you’re someone who believes that the glass is always half full . Things can always be worse , & they will always get better , one way or another ! Like the vibrant clementines , you're known for bringing light to those who need it , & always bringing laughter to your friend group . However , such a bright exterior can sometimes hide a deep & lingering sadness . Remember : even the light sometimes has to dim , & even the sun has to set . Don't worry ; it'll always come back .
Aventurine~
Pomegranate
The pomegranate is most famously attributed to the Greek goddess , Persephone . Though versions of the story differ : with some of them saying that Persephone was tricked into eating the pomegranate seeds , in order for her to become trapped in the underworld , & some saying she willingly chose to eat the seeds .
Pomegranate's have a hard exterior that is tough to crack . Your hard shell is a natural protectant & keeps you safe from those that only wish to use you . Internally you are rich with bounties . You believe in living your life passionately & vibrantly . The idea of surrendering to a fate of being confined to anything , whether it be a relationship , a job , or family dynamic where you are not happy & lack agency is a terrifying prospect . It is fears like this which also prevent you from opening up & showing vulnerability to those around you . However , like the pomegranate whose seeds sparkle like gemstones , you hide inside you incredible beauty that only the most worthy deserve to see .
Tagged by: @gemkun ( TY! ♥️ )
Tagging: Anyone who hasn’t done this yet since I rolled up late to the party lol.
#Oh. Oh no. What have I done? Why did I ever think taking this for both would end well?#God this is so accurate though.#See: Kakavasha sneaking into Kalican territory to play GAMES with them in order to win back his mother’s necklace for his sister because it#was important to her even though they easily could have killed him & her understandably freaking out & saying in the end it’s just jewelry#but that HE is the most important thing their parents left behind.#See how sweet & friendly & optimistic the personification of Aven’s past was.#Versis how jaded & mean his future self was to him.#Aventurine with hope versus him after he’s been beaten down to the point he no longer tries to get back up. Because his life has been owned#by someone else for so long he doesn’t even feel like he counts as a PERSON half the time.#He puts his life on the line because why wouldn’t he? He’s just an asset. He has no friends or family or home to go back safely to.#But I headcanon strongly that his deeper hidden motivation - that not even he realizes - for going to Penacony is because he wanted a way#of being free from the IPC while still being loyal to them & dying would accomplish that.#‘Some say Persephone willingly chose to eat the seeds.’#Kind of like Aventurine chose to become a Stoneheart. He ASKED Jade for a chance to prove himself. So he could live.#But doing that simply transferred his shackles of ownership from his previous master to the hands of the IPC.#Like Persephone. She got to escape her overbearing mother but the trade off for ‘freedom’ was being trapped in the Underworld.#Hell even Aventurine’s character descriptions say you never know how he really feels because he wears a MASK.#He’s always smiling & friendly. He barely stopped smiling even when Sunday basically gave him a slow acting lethal injection & tortured him#I’m so fucking sad at seeing how Aventurine went from being Kakavasha to so broken & bitter.#He literally views being exploited & exploiting others as the trade off he has to pay in exchange for living.#♣️ ⸻ ᴇxᴘʟᴏɪᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ & ᴛʀᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀʏ ᴀʀᴇ sɪᴍᴘʟʏ ᴛᴏᴏʟs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀᴅᴇ ❮ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ sᴛᴜᴅʏ ❯#♣️ ⸻ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ɪ’ᴍ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ’s ɴᴏ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ ❮ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ❯#♣️ ⸻ ɪ’ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴋᴇʟᴇᴛᴏɴs ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴄᴇᴍᴇᴛᴇʀɪᴇs ʜᴏʟᴅ‚ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ʟɪғᴇ ғᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ғᴜɴᴇʀᴀʟ ❮ ᴘᴀsᴛ ❯#♦️ ⸻ ɪ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢᴇ ❮ ᴅᴀsʜ ɢᴀᴍᴇs ❯
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I've tried. I've tried for years. Prison absolution is not only not something I agree with, but its a harmful aim. Its fucking paradox of tolerance shit, ok? For people to be free, some people must not be free. I am on board with reform, I am OK with imprisonment being so fucking rare that prisons must be closed and house arrest is the only way to do it. But I simply cannot bring myself to agree that no one should be imprisoned. I firmly believe that is an immoral and dangerous view that only condemns victims to glorified imprisonment in their everyday lives. Not everyone can be fixed. Some people are just evil and will hurt people unless you stop them doing it. I've tried! I've tried to be a good prison abolitionist leftist! I've weighed the arguments! But the "solutions" are not applicable to the real world I live in.
#word of god#at the end of the day the only way i (a victim) can ever have freedom and autonomy is if he stops being a danger#so he can either chose to stop being an evil person (he will not)#or he could be imprisoned#or he could die#or i and my family can spend the rest of our lives in constant danger#and not just us but every person he has hurt and every person he will hurt#every child he will hurt#every second he is free is another chance for him to hurt someone AND HE WILL#idk i think taking away the option of prison for people like him#will only lead to more vigilante justice#despite the fact he wont be prosecuted the threat of it keeps him cautious and gives me comfort#what of we did not have that? one of us would probably be dead by now
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im just obsessed with his themes and motifs, i love when guys have suffering tailor-made just for them, and i love watching how their psyche tries to grow through the torture dungeon's twisting labyrinth, until the shape of their soul is a cast of it
#it's like pouring molten metal into an ant colony to make a cast#rational thoughts being the ants#mr delver i wont u...#this one goes out to all my favorite blorbos though#only the men though surprisingly i have a different type for women (creator of the torture dungeon)#but yea kakashi went through this too and it was so potent it probably shaped my 13 year old brain for good#though i gotta say in the suffering olympics raymond is probably one of the only ones to give kakashi a run for his money like i legit#hjave a hard time handing out the gold to either of them#i guess i would honestly HONESTLY have to hand it to raymond which is so!!! girl kakashi is an active combatant living under martial law To#but kakashi gets the chance to get better and he gets it multiple times... kakashi ends up with a family... even when things are bad he has#comrades and??? not to be like that but he has power. he's not helpless. he COULD have run away from it all (not saying he shouldve but it#was an OPTION at least)#Raymond is connecticut clarke if connecticut clarke had to resist against the forces of hell itself alone for his entire life with little t#no hope of ever escaping. no family. likely no friends (definitely none that are close and understand his situation). the only power he has#is a get out of jail free card but it's not free you have to carve a bit off of mama you gotta have a kidnapping victim to torture like. he#has nothing.#AND THE DAMN GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD ONLY WORKS SOMETIMES LIKE????? get crumpled ig
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i love that patriotic dramatic sexy little man [michał wołodyjowski] so much im gonna die from it
#the deluge#hes such a creature#beautiful human being whom i live with all my soul#you never did anything wrong ever in your life#except that you should have killed kmicic when you had tge chance but whatever it's nOT YOUR FAULT#he has trust in humanity and that's beautiful just like him#not related but i got a free pdf of it but the translation is like from the 1940s and it italianizes all the names ergo i have to look them#up on wikipedia every single time#but whatever
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for whatever reason i have never explicitly offered this as a service but much like everything else i do websites also fall under my $5 universal commission category
#LIVE2D DOES NOT i offer that for free to people i would not shit my pants if i was forced to be associated with them in any way#no chance in hell i'm going to fall into some trap of being a vtuber papa to the worst person i've ever met. no fuckin way.
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