#oliving absolute oil
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Nothing more indulgent than a sandwich w just. Absolutely everything on it
#made egg sandwiches#toasted bread#mixed garlic cloves garlic powder onion powder salt mustard mozzarella cheese#put mustard and mayo#topped w kale from yesterday thatd been cooked w olive oil gallic cloves onions bell peppers and lemon pepper just w the peppers picked out#and a big piece of lettuce + a slice of tomato#and a bit more shredded mozz#absolutely heavenly#sev rambles
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From the vibe your blog gives me is fennel and roasted root vegetables with rosemary your favorite dish? Like roasted vegetables and cooked deep greens like spinach or something, like oven baked or boiled...Alternatively fresh leafy greens, like all the fresh leafy greens dripping with cool water, something like that, with lemon maybe
Ohhhhhh well its not my absolute number one but it is certainly something i would never ever not wanna eat! I fucking love fennel and root vegetables
My absolute favourite number 1 dish is whole grilled fish with bread and salad though (preferably grilled out in nature in summer and eaten in the shade of some trees) so i guess you got the salad part of my favourite dish right!
#i ramble#assumptions game#now you made me hungy for some good root vegetables#straight out of the oven#also yea you got that part about greens with lemon right#my salads are usually really just greens tomatoe and cucumber with some lemon salt pepper and a teeny tiny bit of olive oil#and if i feel fancy i put some olives and or feta cheese in there#thats like the most boring basic salad#but its my absolute favourite
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My favorite dessert is chocolate layer cake with chocolate ganache. But my standards are sooooo high for this dessert. It must be THE PINNACLE of pleasure for it to count as my favorite. I have been let down far more times than I have been pleased. So I have spent over five years fine tuning and perfecting my recipe & technique (this has taken years because there’s only realistically a few times a year when you can make a whole layer cake LMAO) and for my very dear friend’s birthday yesterday I finally achieved a chocolate cake that meets my extremely high standards and I’m thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s so nice to finally succeed at like a low-stakes personal challenge you’ve set yourself for years!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except now my other dear friend’s birthday is TODAY and despite the fact that I JUST perfected my technique…I now have to make it completely gluten and dairy free as well…………life remains a challenge….but I will persevere
#my friend requested chocolate btw I didn’t just selfishly impose my wishes on others’ special days#the other friend requested nothing#the cake is a surprise because you absolutely are allowed to ignore it when people you love dearly say not to go out of your way for their#birthdays#and if he ate gluten I’d be making him a citrus olive oil cake bc I’ve seen him buy a lot of lemons but I’m so afraid that the light flavor#of lemon won’t mask the (likely deeply wonky) texture of my first ever attempt at a gluten free cake it is soooooooo sad
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dumb idea of today: i should become a drag queen and exclusively wear makeup i made out of crayons
#it's about the feeling of absolute control#like i've been looking it up it's super easy to make crayon makeup#you just need a crayon and oil. i could use olive oil! i wanna use olive oil#like my biggest obstacle preventing me from doing this rn is that i don't have any containers to hold the outcome in lol#ooh i could call myself Slayola#santagno
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Oh em gee about to rewatch Rome (hbo) and have bread dipped in olive oil for dinner I am so slay rn 😍🤩😍🤪
#why am I actually the hottest bitch alive rn?#y’all see this shit?#all I need is a dark haired Tom Glynn Carney on my arm and I could straight up die in peace#hot bitches dip bread in olive oil#if this tastes like ass I’m gonna be so upset#Rome#gaius julius caesar#gaius Julius SLAYsar more like#i am in such a state of delusion rn#not even joking#I’m alive but I’m dead#tom glynn carney#this is so goncharov#rome hbo#if there is a Rome reboot I should absolutely be casted#method acting
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and thats why im not skinny anymore
#when i used to eat only a half an avocado a day#now i eat like 2 full ones on a good day#when i used to not salt my food unless absolutely necessary#when i would eat the driest blandest shit not even crispy#because i was afraid of olive oil... girl get a grip
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i refuse to believe those olive oil starbucks drinks aren't some sort of april fools prank
#starbucks#olive oil????? in coffee????#especially iced coffee wont that just make the oil solid like when you put it in the fridge#absolutely disgusting#text
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Me at dinner time: there is no way I can make a sandwich, that is entirely too much effort. I’m just gonna eat peanut butter out of the jar
Me at 1am: hmm I want a snack, guess it’s time to make fresh roasted broccolini with a homemade lemon garlic reduction!
#and you know what it’s delicious#added some extra olive oil#it’s absolutely divine#food#cooking#tis i#no first person language this is an academic paper#it really do be like that#actually adhd#adhd#autism#actually autistic#personal
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i really love how i have like 30 tabs open and 3/4 of them are Ao3 fics
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it was too much i had to make my own post
line cook here. ACCURATE
if you don't get the hate, here's what you don't understand.
it takes up to 2 hours to close down the kitchen.
The last 60-90 minutes before closing time you do almost no cooking because the restaurant doesn't have many people in it and you've already cooked most of their diners.
So if someone walks in during, like, the last hour, the cook is in the middle of an industrial deep clean of the kitchen.
(these numbers can vary quite a bit from place to place but i have worked several restaurants with these actual times and the concept remains the same)
Say the place closes at 10. If you wait til the restaurant is already closed to start all your cleaning duties, you'll be there until at least midnight.
More than that your boss knows that on an average night you can start your clean up as soon as the last rush ends and get out of there around 10:45, even 10:15 on a slow night if you get lucky. That means there are plenty of restaurants where if you do take until midnight the manager is going to come up to you at some point that week and ask you what went wrong that night, and you'd better have an answer.
So this example restaurant closes at 10 pm. The dinner rush ends around 8:30, and shortly after that the cook is going to start getting every single dish possible over to the dishwasher because the dishwasher always gets hit hard and late, and the machine runs for 2 full minutes and only holds so many dishes, so the way that works out is if you wait an extra 30 minutes to give the dishwasher all your stuff it can mean adding like 60 minutes to the end of his shift. And you're gonna KEEP finding shit to send to the dishpit right up until you leave probably.
all these little square and rectangle containers in this cold table have to be pulled out and changed over into new containers, replaced by new full ones, or in some cases filled from larger containers in the back, which can result in even more empty containers to send to the dishwasher.
while it's all pulled apart to do this, you have to clean up all the spilled food and sauce and juices and stuff from the joints and ledges and shelves and drip trays
Once you get your line changed over in this way, and fully stocked, anytime someone orders something that makes use of a bunch of that stuff, you have to restock and re-clean it some. It might already be covered in plastic. Some of it might already be stuck in the back to make room to take apart your cutting board counter to clean. To cook a dish isn't TOO much of a problem at this point, but you're really hoping for zero orders because you still have so much other cleaning to do.
Meanwhile the salad bar and appetizer section and server station and everybody are all doing the same thing. Even the bartenders are stocking olives and lemons and sending back whisks and stir spoons and shakers and empty 4quart storage containers that used to hold the back-up lemons and olives and things. Every section is dumping their must-be-cleaneds to the dishpit as fast as possible because early and fast is the only thing they can do to to help that dishpit not absolutely drown into overtime.
The poor dishwasher is always the last to clock out, soaking wet and exhausted.
Around this time you probably scrub the flat top, which has turned black from cooked on grease and is still about 500 degrees. Line cooks are divided in opinion on water-based or oil based cleaning methods for this, but they all involve scrubbing with (usually) a brick of pumice stone using every ounce of your strength while you try not to burn yourself
you scrub it from fully blackened to gleaming silver and now if somebody orders something that needs the flat top to cook, you can either fuck up your cleaning job or fake it in a couple frying pans and pass that tiny fuck you down to your dishwasher (who usually understands, especially if you help them take the garbage out or clean your own floor drain later)
If there's deep fried stuff on the menu then the fryers have to be cleaned out, which includes straining the oil out into enormous and super-heavy pots full of oil so hot that if you spill on yourself then it's probably a hospital visit and if you slip and fall face first into it it'll be the last thing you ever do.
Then you gotta scrub out the fryer. Like you gotta take the (hot) screen out and reach your arm down into the weird rounded pipes and curved areas (so hot, burn you if you brush against them hot) and scrub off whatever is down there
Depending on your kitchen you might have to do up to four of these. Then you'll have to pour the (dangerously hot) oil back in
oh, and if you didn't dry the pipes and get ALL the water out of the trap and tank?
water reacts with hot oil in a sort of mentos and coke way that can send a tidal wave of oil past the open flame of the pilot light ...HUGE dangerous mess and/or burn down the kitchen if the oil lights up.
Unless! If the oil has been used too hard and needs to be changed, it's time to carry those open topped super heavy pots full of will-kill-you-hot oil and dump them in the barrel outside by the dumpsters so you can put room temp fresh oil in the fryers. whew!
The clean up is not just some light wiping down that can be easily interrupted, is what i'm saying.
You might have to do some kind of walk-in duty (moving around 50lb cases of lettuce and 50lb bags of onions to get to the stacks of five gallon buckets full of salad dressings and sauces to move so you can reach the giant metal pots and bus tubs full of prep and get it all organized and make sure it's all labeled and i have to stop now i'm having flashbacks)
THE POINT IS
by 15 or however many minutes to close, the line cook is doing an intense deep clean and probably has the whole stove taken apart to detail.
For some industrial stoves this means lifting off large cast iron plates that weigh like 20 lbs each and are still quite hot. Whatever metal burners are on there, you gotta take off and clean, you can see here the lines that indicate the large thick cast iron rectangles that sit on top of the burners to allow heavy pots to rest on. Those five (each has one front burner hole and one back burner hole, see?) have to be lifted off and cleaned with soap and a wire brush usually, and then the underneath area also has to be cleaned because a lot of shit falls through the burner holes on a busy night.
if you didn't do it when you did the flat top you have to do the grease trap (which can be like a full five minutes and is always disgusting).. You gotta clean out all the little gas jets in each burner with a wire or something so the burners all flame evenly, and sometimes you have to remove some of the natural gas piping that connects the burners to access where you have to clean.
you gotta clean out the bottom of the oven and the wire racks, and, oh gods, you gotta take down the filter vents from the hood fans above the stove.
See all the lined parts along the top of the wall?
those are hood vents, and as they pull air up they also pull a lot of grease and they have to be taken down and cleaned, then you gotta climb up there and scrub where they go before you put them back...
And then there's the mopping and floor drains and...
Anyway, that's what the line cook is doing when you walk in fifteen minutes before closing and order something that needs to be cooked on that stove. They are doing an entire industrial cleaning of a professional kitchen.
In some restaurants maybe one or two of these jobs will be every other night or even only twice a week, but in many, possibly most kitchens, ALL of these things happen EVERY night. You don't want to leave any food mess that might attract insects or rodents for one thing, so a really good kitchen is as close to brand new as you can get it every night.
IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO ORDER SOMETHING ANYWAY, HERE IS WHAT TO DO
open with an apology and ask the server to go ask what the cook would prefer you to order.
Any good server will already know what the cook is hoping for and what will make their line cook go into the walk in and scream. If it's significantly less than an hour to close and they say some variant of "oh anything is fine" they are either telling the lie their boss wants them to say, or they actually do not know what their line cook wants, and you can either use human connection and a conspiratorial just-between-us tone to get them to drop the customer-is-always-right act, or get them to actually go ask the cook.
It might be as specific as "the lasagna is easiest on the kitchen" or it might be a simple guideline like "nothing that requires the flat top" or "any of the sautés are easy" but a good line cook will probably have a system for if they have to make a couple of the most popular items after they start their close, so the answer is likely to include something most people like and you should be good to order that.
but for the love of all that's holy, please only do so at great need. Leave that last 30-60 minutes to the truly desperate and the crew's duties.
#long post#sorry#i just have a lot of DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND feelings left over from all my years in restaurants#restaurants#line cook#service industry
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Up bright and early, ready to cook and clean all day!!
#remember#I’m making those Greek chicken meatballs that were absolutely divine#yellow rice cooked in chicken broth#roasted cauliflower#shirazi salad#tzatziki#and lemon olive oil cake of course
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Alright, Chanukah starts tonight, which means it's time for me to finally make a post about different kinds of menorahs.
This right here? This is the Temple Menorah:
There's some debate over whether the branches were straight or curved, but here's a few things we do know:
It had seven branches of equal length.
It was made of one solid piece of gold
It was at least five feet tall.
It used pure olive oil.
The Temple Menorah is what people mean when they talk about The Menorah. It's what you'll see on historical or commemorative artifacts such as the Arch of Titus in Rome or Israeli currency:
During the time when the Temple stood in Jerusalem, the High Priest lit all seven flames on this Menorah every day (using the aforementioned pure olive oil):
No one lights this on Chanukah.
This is a Chanukah menorah:
There are countless variations, but here are the important things:
It has eight branches of equal length, plus a ninth "helper" branch, known as the shamash, which is set apart from the rest of the branches and used to light the others.
It can be made of any material.
It is usually used with wax candles or oil, but, if necessary, one can use anything that burns.
In Hebrew, this kind of menorah is called a chanukiah.
Some Chanukah menorahs, like the one shown above, have the shamash in the middle. Others have it on the side:
Regardless, this kind of menorah is the one that has been lit by Jews on Chanukah for thousands of years. It's the menorah you'll seen in photographs of Jewish households, including this famous picture taken in Germany in 1931:
(The message written on the back of the photo reads: "Death to Judah"/ So the flag says/ "Judah will live forever"/ So the light answers)
On Chanukah, whoever is lighting the menorah will first light the shamash, then the number of candles corresponding to whichever night of Chanukah it is. The first night, only the rightmost candle is lit, the second night the two rightmost, etc. (The newest candle is always lit first):
Again, a valid Chanukah menorah has eight branches of equal length, along with a shamash. There is no such thing as a Chanukah menorah with six branches of equal length and a longer seventh branch, and no valid Chanukah menorah has eight branches of completely different lengths.
If you see either of the above designs (or anything similar) on Chanukah-themed decor, it tells you the creator has absolutely no idea what they're doing and couldn't be bothered to do more than two seconds of research to make sure their product was accurate. Anyone who knows anything about the holiday will laugh at these. (They may buy them anyway, especially if that's all that's available-- my new Chanukah sweater has an invalid menorah pattern, but it's adorable, so I'm still going to wear it. But I am also laughing about it and invite you all to do the same.)
Anyway, have a happy Chanukah, everyone!
#real life#jumblr#thoughts#menorah#chanukah#hanukkah#arch of titus#history lesson#the more you know#all queued up
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Lemony White Bean Soup With Turkey and Greens
Yield: 4 servings
INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, diced
1 large carrot, diced
1 bunch sturdy greens, such as kale, broccoli rabe, mustard greens or collard greens
1 tablespoon tomato paste
¾ teaspoon ground cumin, plus more to taste
⅛ teaspoon red-pepper flakes, plus more to taste
½ pound ground turkey
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon finely grated fresh ginger
1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
1 quart chicken stock
2 (15-ounce) cans white beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup chopped fresh, soft herbs, such as parsley, mint, dill, basil, tarragon, chives or a combination
Fresh lemon juice, to taste
PREPARATION
Step 1
Heat a large pot over medium-high for a minute or so to warm it up. Add the oil and heat until it thins out, about 30 seconds. Add onion and carrot, and sauté until very soft and brown at the edges, 7 to 10 minutes.
Step 2
Meanwhile, rinse the greens and pull the leaves off the stems. Tear or chop into bite-size pieces and set aside.
Step 3
When the onion is golden, add tomato paste, ¾ teaspoon cumin and ⅛ teaspoon red-pepper flakes to the pot, and sauté until paste darkens, about 1 minute. Add turkey, garlic, ginger and 1 teaspoon salt, and sauté, breaking up the meat with your spoon, until turkey is browned in spots, 4 to 7 minutes.
Step 4
Add stock and beans, and bring to a simmer. Let simmer until the soup is thick and flavorful, adding more salt if needed, 15 to 25 minutes. If you like a thicker broth, you can smash some of the beans with the back of the spoon to release their starch. Or leave the beans whole for a brothier soup.
Step 5
Add the greens to the pot and simmer until they are very soft. This will take 5 to 10 minutes for most greens, but tough collard greens might take 15 minutes. (Add a little water if the broth gets too reduced.)
Step 6
Stir herbs and lemon juice into the pot, taste and add more salt, cumin and lemon until the broth is lively and bright-tasting. Serve topped with a drizzle of olive oil and more red-pepper flakes, if desired.
#soup#recipe#you can tell it's nytimes bc they want you to top with a drizzle of olive oil#btw preserved lemons in this absolutely fuck
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gojo learning what a home smells like, mentions of food, not much dialogue except for the ending, kind of selfship coded bc this was supposed to be a talk post but then i kind of rambled and this came out so it’s not proofread and that’s that
each home has a specific scent to it.
you know, the one that builds over time, the so-called occupant odor that fills the air after a while of people living in it. it’s the aroma of the ingredients you use and the spices you often put into your dishes, the freshly washed clothes and especially that one detergent that is always a must, the cleaning products you use, and the scent of those who inhabit the house all combined that sticks behind and makes it so distinct. makes it smell like home.
but satoru’s house smelled empty. too empty in fact. it smelled clean, too clean for someone who’s lived there for years now. almost like a newly renovated apartment that’s been deprived of human presence for too long and it’s just the sharp scent of paint and construction materials that hits your nostrils when you walk in. a housekeeper would come by once in a week to take care of the place, not that there was much to do around — it was pretty clean. nobody cooked there — his fridge was almost empty, only water bottles in it. nobody did the laundry — everything was sent to the dry cleaning. nobody was there enough for their scent to sink in, even he himself. his house never felt like home to him. it was simply a place for him to shortly crash at. like a hotel of some sort, a place he’d only use to shower and sleep while for the rest of the time he’d be out going on missions, putting his life in danger.
that was, until you came into his life.
at first it was only short stayovers. you would spend a night or two at his place each week. but it was enough for it to start layering and spreading around — the scent of you, of him, of you together. when you came into his life out of literally nowhere, he would start going out of his way and take on less missions so he could be with you, more — so you would stay over and make dinner, ask about his favorite dish and then cook it for him the next time.
you would make pancakes in the morning. you would get your favorite ingredients and put them in his fridge. you’d get some blueberries and bananas, little bit of feta cheese even. you would place jars of powdered sugar and honey into the empty shelves in his kitchen. and little bit by bit the room would start to fill — some oats and cinnamon for autumn days, peanut butter because it goes so well with apples, a little bit of oregano for when you make baked potatoes, a little bit of garlic because it makes any dish taste better, some olive oil and lemons because that’s your go-to dressing for when you make salads, and some tahini for when you’re feeling posh but then realize it doesn’t taste quite right in some meals but eat it anyway.
little bit by bit his house would start feeling less empty and more like home.
you’d bring extra clothes for the day after the stayover and then forget the old ones there. he would buy you pajamas for when you come by so you don’t have to bring yours every time or wear a shirt of his when you don’t or sleep naked (not that he minds it). you would wash them all in the laundry, together with his clothes and yours, the ones you had left behind from before. but you would always need that one softener, you know, the one you absolutely refuse to wash your clothes without because it smells so good, and then you would put your pajamas and his next to each other on the bed and the clothes — in his wardrobe, and the room would smell so good and it would start feeling like home to him.
but.
no matter how much of yourself you left behind, it still felt kind of empty, especially on days when you weren’t around tiptoeing quickly from the bedroom to the bathroom in the mornings for a quick pee before coming back to bed and nuzzling into his chest, when you weren’t around dancing in his kitchen experimenting with a new salad dressing once again, when you weren’t around asking him to open jars, when you weren’t around for his eyes to see and his arms to embrace in the morning.
it was then when these four walls felt so foreign and nothing like home to him. the house still smelled familiar but not completely. just like a bland dish — you eat it and it gives your body the needed nutrients but doesn’t quite fill you up because there’s just something missing.
and tonight he decided to chase after the missing ingredient.
“so, listen”, he said while casually grabbing some greens through the salad with his chopsticks, “i am going to make you an offer you can’t refuse”
“if it has anything to do with me doing the dishes tonight and you folding the laundry tomorrow, i am out”
“love”, he paused, “who washes dishes by hand when there’s a dishwasher?”
“rich people like you might not know of this, but we, ordinary people, do not use the dishwasher for just three plates. we use our hands, a sponge and a dishwashing liquid”, you flashed a polite but sarcastic smile at him.
“okay, ordinary person that i love so much, then how about this”, he swallowed his bite and continued, “you move in and start being extraordinary with me?”
“we’re not using the dishwasher for three plates”, you raised your chopsticks and brought them threateningly close to his face, “but okay. i can move in here and start using your credit card more reasonably”
#ઈઉ — ai writes#[ ♡ ] — satoru#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo fluff#gojo satoru fluff#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk x reader
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You recently mentioned not to use oil based lube on a silicone toy, as it could become porous, but what about crisco/lard (for anal only, of course)? The internet doesn't yield much conclusive answers...
Thank u for your service Σ:3
You already kinda said it at the tip, but I wanna make it extra clear:
DO NOT USE CRISCO, LARD, OIL, OR OIL-BASED LUBE ON SILICONE, JELLY, ABS PLASTIC, PLASTIC, FANTAFLESH™, CONDOMS, DENTAL DAMS, OR 'FEMALE CONDOMS'
*ONLY* USE OILS OR FATS ON METAL, SKIN, OR GLASS
OILS AND FATS OF ANY KIND WILL DISSOLVE SOFT MATERIALS AND BREAK OR WEAKEN CONDOMS SPECIFICALLY, AND WILL CREATE MICROSCOPIC OPENINGS FOR BACTERIA AND SLOWLY MELT EVERYTHING ELSE
Now to answer your other question:
I don't recommend using household products such as crisco, lard, coconut oil, canola oil, or olive oil for any penetrative activities unless you have no other option available.
For skin-on-skin or glass/metal toy anal sex, it's not the worst thing you can do, but it can lead to infections, odours, and allergic reactions. I won't say DON'T, because almost any lubricant is better than no lubricant when it comes to anal, but absolutely don't go for it as your first choice.
A lot of the arguments FOR using oily lubes are these:
"It lasts longer than water-based lube!" (Yeah, because your body absorbs the water out of water-based lubes- add a bit of water when it starts to get tacky and it'll slick right back up.)
"I have bad reactions to water-based lubes!" (A lot of drug store brand water lubes are full of harsh ingredients that react badly on sensitive skin. My favourite brand of water-based lube is Water Slide. It's one of the cheaper specialty lubes, you can buy it online, and after years of stocking it I've never heard of a bad reaction.)
"We aren't using condoms or non-glass/metal toys so we're using it to last longer!" (This is fine, and oil-based lubes are graded for this purpose so they aren't as iffy as kitchen products, but if you want options, you can consider silicone lube. It's a bit pricier, but WAY outlasts oil.)
TL/DR: You probably won't die if you use crisco/lard/olive oil/coconut oil etc. for anal sex, but it will break condoms, and your specific individual body may not like it as much as actual lube.
Important disclaimer, though: I am not a medical professional, and I've only been peddling for about four years or so now. Happily welcoming any credible corrections or additions!
Awesome question, thank you for asking!!!
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JUST finished Cleo’s first stream for Pirates SMP, and the amount of times I just fully burst out laughing like—
—
Sausage: *kisses Scott on sight*
Owen: *throwing himself in front of Sausage * Hi. 😏
Scott: I like a forward man 😉
—
Sausage: Where do you get these? This silk?
Scott: Thank you, thank you…
Sausage: Can I touch it?
Scott: Yeah of course. You can touch whatever you want 😏
—
Oli: I’ll give you 5 gold to tell me what’s beneath that patch.
Cleo: Look my eye got stolen by a monkey, ok?!
Oli: Oh! Was it a my cock?
Sausage: WHAT?!
Oli: A ma’ cock!
Sausage: THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PRONOUNCE IT!
—
*Owenge_Juice becomes a Heron*
Scott/Cleo/El: (chanting) ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
Owen: …are you allowed to change your mind afterwards?
Scott: NO! :D
—
El: So you’re like a lone wolf?
Owen: Uh…kind of. More like a lone sea dog.
El: Come on, give us a bark.
Scott: Yeah!
Owen: Uh…I only bark in certain situations…
Scott: Oh. What situations?
Owen: …uh, oKAY! WHICH WAY—
—
El: This is my bed over here. There is one right next to it, you can take that.
Owen: Perfect! Thanks!
El: I do make really loud noises in my sleep.
Scott + Owen: Oh???
El: Yeah.
Cleo: Yeah, but not the noises you would expect either.
—
Cleo (about Olive): They said they’d got invitations from Herons and Nightingales I think?
Scott: Yeah it was Heron, Nightingales, and Kestrals, they didn’t get Kites.
Cleo: Who DOES get Kites unless you’re a psychopath.
Scott: Owen got all 4.
Owen: Yeah…umm…
Cleo: Oh…
—
*Cleo gets everyone drunk*
Cleo: Ah, you’re all lightweights!
El: *flirting with Water* Oh, you look so lovely in this light right now!
Water: Oh El!
El: Lovely!
Scott: I feel I can take more damage. I’m gonna go jump off the cliff guys!!
—
Cleo: Maybe one day you can buy a real hat!
El: Well I will, but you know, I just think— I don’t see anybody else having made one when they’ve not got one. Gonna get a wet head.
Cleo: *absolutely lost it*
—
Cleo: Gotta get the alcohol. Otherwise I’m gonna kill someone. It’s fine.
—
Oil (Distant): ARE WE SURE THIS IS THE WAY?!
Cleo: Scott’s sure it’s the way!
Oli (distant distress): I— DON’T LIKE IT!
Aimsey: Honestly I’m hoping for the best! I hope he does!
Oli: Ya Damn Herons!
Cleo: You don’t have to follow us, ok?!
Oli: Well unfortunately my Kestrals already ran off
Aimsey: This is what I mean! I— I’m hoping you get this! I’ve dunked this too many times!
Cleo: It’s very Kestral of you to just wait until the end and have other people to do it for you!
Aimsey: I’m a Kite! I’m a Kite! Thank you!
Cleo: Well, yeah you know what? It’s very typical for Kites to do it too.
Aimsey: Oh well is it now? Is it then?!
Cleo: Oh yeah yeah! It is it is!
Aimsey: Do you wanna duel?! You wanna duel when we get back, Cleo?! You wanna duel?!
Cleo: Do I want to punch you in the face a bunch? I do. But I’m drunk. I don’t know what you want from me.
—
Oli: There we go, I’ve got a side angle. I’m overtaking you, Heron! SLOOOOWWW
Cleo: *cuts him off*
Oli: No stop crashing! You’re crashing my port side!
Cleo: Well you know—
Oli: GET OFF ME PORT SIDE!
Cleo: NO ONE WANTS TO BE ON YOUR PORT SIDE, OK?!
Oli: Everyone wants to be on my port side!
—
Cleo: This is very far away. Like I haven’t heard Scott this whole time. I feel like Scott’s monologuing.
Aimsey: I can hear you though, Cleo!
Cleo: I hear YOU. And I—
Aimsey: You love that, right? You love hearing me. 😏
—
Cleo: *singing* What shall we do with a drunken sailor! What shall we do with a drunken sailor! What shall we— *talking* apparently put her in a boat and let her follow Scott, that’s what you need to do with a drunken sailor.
—
Oli: AIMSEY! AIMSEY! AIMSEY! STOP SINGING!
Aimsey: *distant singing*
Cleo: Oh I can’t hear Aimsey, that’s good.
Oli: CAUSE I HATE HERONS!
Cleo (a Heron): AIMSEY’S NOT A HERON!
SILENCE
Oli: …then what are they?
Cleo: They’re a Kite.
Oli: OH STUPID KITES! Herons, you’re alright. KITES. Imbeciles.
—
Owen (talking to chat): No, there’s no canon lives, chat. Except in specific cases. *whispering* check with Twitter.
Cleo: YOU’RE BREAKING MY EMERSION OWEN!
Owen: Sorry!
—
Olive: Hey! Where does a pirate go to school? HARRRvard!
Cleo: …You’re out of the faction.
Olive: Oh no! Not on my second day! H—how does a pirate protect themself? ARRRmour.
Cleo: …I’m gonna run a vote…
Olive: No it’s fine, I’ll go join the Kite’s or something, it’s fine.
Cleo: Oh dear.
Olive: What do you call it when two pirates are in a draw? A staleMATEY.
Cleo: OUT! OUT OF THE FACTION!
—
*Cleo walks up to a female NPC*
Cleo: Hello sweet lady 😏
—
Other things I also enjoyed
•Scar managing to get a Jellie and literally everyone swarming around to pet her
•Scott, Aimsey, Cleo, and Oli sailing together and all of them singing a completely different pirate song simultaneously.
•The entire dynamic between Cleo and Aimsey
•Cleo being HELLA sus of Cruppy the entire time right up until Scott hands it a beer and it drinks and suddenly Cleo’s just like actually you know what? You’re alright. We cool.
•Cleo being given babysitting duty and then literally within 5 minutes pawning off the child with a rival faction
•Cleo using being drunk as an excuse for everything. Lag? Everyone is drunk because she keeps giving out alcohol. Server crash? Don’t mind her she’s just vomiting in the corner of a pub somewhere. No tools? She needs the iron to make kegs for MORE alcohol. Oh you wanna fight? I would but I’m drunk. Shit babysitter? I’m a drunk what do you want from me? She signs off for the day and her excuse for her absence is literally just “imma go get blackout drunk for a solid 14 hours”. The fact that the excuse works lore wise for almost every situation.
•THE ANIMATICS
•The LORE. JUST ALL THE LORE
Solid start. 10/10
#pirates smp#pirate smp spoilers#spoilers#zombiecleo#zombie cleo#mythical sausage#owengejuicetv#dangthatsalongname#scott smajor#aimsey#oli orionsound#soupforeloise#watermunch#olivesleepy
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