...can i dream for a few months more?

notes app poems are so...intimate? like there's no pressure to be good, no seeking validation. just little wisps of my emotions and observations among grocery lists. poems that are just for me. i love it

i don’t write poetry and songs for the ~aesthetic~ (i do) i write bc some idiot gave me access to notesapp

Your Revenge Body is a well fed body. Your Revenge Body is a strong body. Your Revenge Body is a well rested body. Your Revenge Body is a pleasured body. Your Revenge Body is a well loved body.

notes to self, Nov 25, 2022

gift ideas for my sister's graduation present

new charm for her charm bracelet? or a pair of earrings

gift card to sephora or something

hedgehog stuffed animal

design a little certificate for a trip to come visit me in nc

i'm weird about sex & food & crying & physical  affection & existing publicly in a body & being a sister & animal shelters & coffee stained hands & songs on the radio & sand on my skin & my hair & bus rides & avoidance & reading in public & drinking enough water & picking my nails & showing my mother love & hugging my dad & staying the night & packing bags & the elderly & brushing my teeth & applying suncream & having a routine & applying to jobs & raising my voice & first kisses & staring up at the moon & wishing on stars & believing what people tell me to be true & lying & mirrors & drying my hair & lying in bed & wakening up & politics & team work & small talk & falling in love & commitment & caring too much & having shakey hands & hands on me & introducing parents to lovers & watching you sleep & whispering secrets & wearing a uniform & wearing the same jewellery & dipping my feet into the sea & kareoke & getting enough nutrients & petting stray cats & being the new person & eye contact & leaving & change & the leaves changing colour & saying goodbye & saying i love you & hearing people love me & eating red meat & imaging my future & reminiscing the past & remembering & malnourished dogs & compliments & grief & old jobs & being known & feeling forgotten & busy train rides & maintaining old habits & my grandmother's passing & the mortality of everyone i know & meeting new people & getting my hopes up & saying sorry & religion & anger & disbelief & pretending & expressing my emotions & my laugh & reading my poetry & vulnerability..

I just didn't know i could do other stuff in the notes app besides cry

Stop hiding away the good parts

I feel like lately I've been learning something that I should have obviously already known, but especially lately I've been thinking about it more. and that's the saying "you can't make everyone happy" and man is that true. there's always going to be someone praying on/feeding off your downfall. no. matter. what. you. do. no. matter. how. you live.

there's been so many times I've held back good news, or spared sharing things so that other people could be comfortable or because i felt if someone else in my circle wasn't as happy or didn't want me happy it would upset them.

and you know you just get to a point where you really think of how short life is and that we ALL deserve to be happy and have good things happen to us.

as long as you're doing no harm to people, you wish people well, and you stay to yourself and have good intentions theres no reason you should have to hide your "new job/relationship/friend/vacation…etc news" the people that are really there for you will love that good things are happening to you, and know at the end of the day you'll want the same for them.

Do what makes YOU happy, even if it doesn't make sense to others.

What am I exactly afraid of?

second week of June and yesterday it rained for the first time when i had gone for an evening walk and got drenched in rain, surprisingly almost everyone pulled out their umbrellas and raincoats and just few children played around, capturing moments on their cellphones. I returned back home with a smile reminiscing about all my moments of rainy days, but as soon as I changed into a warm set of clothes and made some coffee i found uncertainty waving at me through the glass window. Ofcourse i let it in and i began wondering how everybody has a script to life. For eg- back there, immediately everybody was prepared with umbrellas and raincoats and i wasn't, college will reopen on Monday and all my classmates have already covered half of the syllabus while i am still stuck on the first chapter of economics, what did i do all this time? Waited for my so called art of writing to return back? I tried, i really tried this time.

I searched for prompts on every site possible, read thousands of poems on Pinterest, read the dictionary, forced myself to describe events of my life on my diary, and yet i couldn't complete any of my notes. I tried keeping my mind away from poems, but somehow, they make me feel like a bad person now, like a lawyer who couldn't serve justice to their client, i feel the guilt of a parent who couldn't spent quality time with their child.

Anyway, apart from this, i feel under prepared all the time, it's like life is moving on, people are doing exactly what they're supposed to do and i am not even walking or moving , not even at a slow pace. I am just here, watching clouds take different shapes, passing vehicles, observing people, envying birds flying high into the sky, reading umpteen poems, sleeping and staring at my textbooks.

What exactly am i afraid of?

• My current inability to write or my inability to follow the script of life?

the night sunk and so did my body in the mattress of my bed on the eve of the coldest day of the year. dont you notice everyday before this blunt day is warm - comfortable and full of blended beautiful - but the cold holiday holds a grudge promised to be delivered. the promise to harbinge every terrible thought and incident, to strip you of any innocence and remind you of your insignficance. oh how everyone looks forward to the cold holiday. merry christmas.

mynotesapp 

a

almos reggel erzese

a szobamban ulve

teljes sotetsegben

egyes egyedul

mae in my clothes pt1

Mermaid sketch done a little while back in the Notes app. . . . #ericmatos #emscribbles #em_scribbles #mermaid #mermay2022 #mermay #sketch #notesapp #ipadpro #digitalart #digitalsketch https://www.instagram.com/p/CdoVtC0OgT7/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

When I die, delete all my notes. (Save only some for the girls)

she's not praying to god she's praying to die

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