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theushijimaoverlord · 3 months

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"this whole thing is a mess"

♡ tooru oikawa x reader - 1.3k ♡ warnings - none other than oikawa himself (and some ugly baby shenanigans) ♡ notes - hi! i'm purple and this is my first post, enjoy! (prompt credit from @creativepromptsforwriting)

It was a mess.

A big, tremendous, nearly-unfixable mess.

The day started off normal enough, you in your comfy gray sweat, loose shirt (that may or may not belong to Oikawa), a book you’ve been overdue to read in your hands. As your eyes scanned the pages, your attention was drawn away as you began to the thump thump thump of someone running up the stairs. And unless someone had broken into your house, you already knew who was currently making their way towards your bedroom.

As if on cue, a familiar ruffle of brunette hair came into view as said person came barreling through your door. For an athlete, it always bemuses you how Oikawa always got so winded running up your stairs.

You patiently wait for him to catch his breath. Finally, after he had decided that enough air had entered his lungs, he looked up and if you knew any better from the look in his eyes, you could already tell he was about to tell the most ridiculous thing ever. Because your boyfriend wouldn’t be doing the world justice if he were one for the dramatics.

“You would not believe what I just found out.”

Staring at him for a few seconds, you roll your eyes, close your books and turn your whole body to face him. This was gonna take a while. “Okay I’ll bite. Tell me what you found out.”

If you squint hard enough, you could almost see the joy gleaming in his eye from the fact that he caused you to turn your whole attention to him. But it quickly disappeared as he crossed the room and plopped down face first onto your bed, arms wide, and began whining.

You should convince him to take up theater.

“Come on Tooru, tell me what you came all the way up here for or I’m going back to my book,” Turning his face, Oikawa looked at you and gave his signature pout. If you called him out for it, he would vigilantly deny it.

“Did you remember when you went over to my mom's house a week ago?”

“When we visited for new years? Yeah I remember, remind me later to ask her for her mochi recipe.”

“Yeah, yeah. So you remember when the two of you decided to torture me by looking at my baby photos?” Honestly, he was the one torturing you with the way he was loudly complaining with each flip of the photo album.

If it wasn’t already obvious by the media attention, countless photo-shoot bookings, and (to his dismay) amount of fanfic being written about him, Oikawa Tooru was a very handsome man. Some might even argue (you) that the word pretty comes to mind when talking about the Argentina National Volleyball Team’s setter.

But a little secret that he had and would rather take to the grave is that he was a very, very ugly baby. At least by his standards. You have a running theory that he only thinks that way because Iwaizumi liked to taunt him about it, especially when they were younger.

“Yes Tooru, although I’ve told you pointless times that you were a very normal looking baby, I do recall looking at photos with your mom.” Reaching a hand out from under the warm blanket, you grab his hand that is closest to you and intertwine your fingers. You swear his pout lessens a little before he continued telling you about his current dilemma.

“Well I was scrolling online and you will not believe what I saw” Sitting up without disconnecting your hands, he sits on the bed, brown eyes now directly across from you.

“Well she. Posted. The. Photos.”

A beat of silence passed as he just stared at you, straight faced and serious.

And then you break eye contact by letting out a short laugh, which apparently broke a dam inside you because your free hand came up to cover your mouth as you tried to suppress the fit of giggles you couldn’t hold back anymore.

Oikawa just continues to stare at you, but now he had a dumbfounded expression on his face, as if he hadn’t just told you the worst possible thing to ever happen to him. Realizing you weren’t gonna stop, Oikawa lets out a long drawn whine, closing the gap in between the two of you and throwing his arms around your body, pressing his face into your neck.

The position caused you to uncover your mouth and now the only sound filling the room was your unfiltered laughs. As much as Oikawa loved listening to the noise, he hugged you tighter hoping you would eventually stop being entertained by his misfortune.

“Why do you hate me, babe. What have I done to deserve this mistreatment?”

As your laughter finally dies down, you reach your arms around and hug him back, rubbing one palm up and down his back as the other hand carded his brown moppy hair through your fingers. Your bedroom was now engulfed by a (rare) moment of peaceful silence as you felt him breathing into your neck.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’d have a knack for always being the most dramatic person in a room” A pause before his response.

“...no” An obvious lie, but you let it slide.

“Alright, what are people saying about your photos though? Can’t be that bad”

Sitting up straight again, his arms were still wrapped around your body so he had to crane his neck to look down at you and you find yourself doing a similar motion to look up at him. If anyone else saw the two of you like this, they might find the positioning comedic.

“It’s terrible. Absolutely horrible. This whole thing is a mess. The entire world is making fun of me as we speak.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach for your phone on the nightstand and begin searching for his mother’s post which wasn’t hard considering you closely followed her actively due to her weekly recipe post. And just as you presumed, Oikawa’s mom’s most recent post was a picture of some photos from the album the two of you looked at a few days ago.

You could tell they were pictures of Oikawa during his infant years, but only because you were able to see it in person but…. When you closely examined the post, you were astonished that anyone could even tell what the photo was off. Even though mama Oikawa had skills in the kitchen and taking pictures of the foods she makes, the woman wasn’t as skilled when photographing other things.

“Babe, literally no one can tell what this is a picture of. If I didn’t know any better, it just looks like she took a picture of a photograph of a loaf of bread and posted it.” A gasp falls from his lips, causing you to look back up at him.

“Are you saying I look like a loaf of bread? How dare you!” You are practically rendered speechless.

“No! I’m saying that unless people have seen the real thing, there is no way anyone would guess that it’s a photo of you as a baby. And I’m looking at the comment section right now, no one is saying anything about you, most people are asking what it even is.”

“What? I swear people were saying stuff” Snatching your phone, he also begins to scroll before he comes across a comment that read:

that’s the stupidest looking baby I’ve ever seen

Turning the phone to show you, he pointed at the words on the screen, giving you a wide eyed I-told-you-so look.

“See??” Looking at him, you gave Oikawa a blank stare.

“Tooru, Hajime is that one who commented that” Flipping the screen back around, his eyes quickly scan for the person who typed out the atrocious words and staring right back at him is Iwa-chan’s username, and profile pic of the gym he worked at.

“Oh”

Pondering his existence, Oikawa almost misses the snort you let out if it wasn’t for the explosion of laughter you let out.

Again

♡ hello! thank you for finishing my first work, i hope you enjoyed it. i would love any type of constructive criticism, either in regard of my writing, theme, or anything else

♡ i took a lot of my inspiration from @adoringhaikyuu, especially when creating my theme so i wanted to give them credit, and i completely recommend their work so go check them out

♡ thank you (again) and warmest regards, ms. purple

#oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu!!#haiykuu #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa fluff #tooru oikawa #haikyuu x reader #oikawa toru x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x f!reader #oikawa tooru fluff #ms.purple♡writes

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jungblue · 1 year

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SEVEN DAYS | PREVIEW

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: beach town au / fluff, angst, eventual smut

word count: 1,755

description: You thought that it was just going to be be a normal vacation to the beach. Seven days of hanging out with your parents before moving away for grad school. It was supposed to be that simple. However, when you meet a local boy that wants to show you how life is lived by the water, you don't realize just how quickly you can be dragged under.

note: Hello, everyone. It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted anything writing related on this account, but getting back into things that made me happy has really been helping me. I know it says multi parts and this is just a preview, and I’m not the most reliable person ever lol. But I just want to put some creativity back into the world, and this is a story I wanted to write years ago that is just now coming to fruition. Thanks for all the support!

Day 01: Sand Dollar Budget

Day 02: Shark Teeth Over Seashells

Day 03: Jason's Woods

Day 04: Legend of the Lighthouse

Day 05: New Moon

Day 06: Lightning in a Bottle

Day 07: Lost at Sea

“Are you gonna stay underneath that umbrella the entire time?”

Your jaw clenched, toes nestling themselves further into the sand, as if that would somehow anchor you in place. The constant crash of the waves in front of you had induced an almost trance-like state, so the sound of your mother’s voice had thrown you off completely.

“You know I don’t like the sun,” You responded, turning to face your parents who were just a few feet away, relaxing in their lawn chairs. “It’s hot, and I enjoy the ocean a lot more when I don’t have to squint while looking at it.”

“It’s called sunglasses.” Your mom tapped her face, showing off the simple fix to your complaint. “And the sun kind of comes with the territory of being in Florida, dear.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You mumbled.

“Go in the water then. You haven’t been in all day. You’re gonna waste your whole time here.”

You sighed heavily. Wasn’t the point of vacation to spend it in whatever way you found pleasurable? And if for you that was relaxing beneath the shade, what was so wrong with that? Plus… your fear of the ocean and all of its infinite surprises lurking beneath might also possibly be a factor. You were from a landlocked state, after all. Did she forget that your closest interaction with the ocean until now was through pictures?

Though, when you really thought about it, maybe being dragged away by some possible sea creature with sharp teeth would save you from the pit of anxiety you had been drowning in for some time now.

Colorado to California.

In just two weeks you were going to be moving states away from all you had ever known. No friends, family or even acquaintances waiting for you on the other side. Of course, you knew you should be grateful for this opportunity. It was a prestigious program that was tough to get into. But regardless of understanding your lucky position, it didn’t change the festering fear clouding your head. Fear that was apparently so strong, it was actually driving you into thinking a shark attack might be ideal.

Only dramatics of course, because your next move was standing up to proclaim, “Fine, I’ll be at the pool.”

“Not what I meant, but better than nothing.” You couldn’t see your mother’s eyes, but you knew they were rolling into the back of her head.

You fought your way up the sandy hills. Each step having your feet slipping beneath the grains. And after a lifetime of this you finally made it to the wooden dock that led from the private beach to the beach house you were staying at for the next seven days.

It was a beautiful sage-green house that stood on top of wooden stilts, and an outside staircase that brought you up to the front door. It was only one of many that stood in an endless line down the beach front as far as the eye could see in either direction.

You got interrupted in your admiration of the different houses as you did an awkward run across the blazing hot wooden path. Definitely should’ve grabbed your flip-flops, you thought to yourself.

“Ow, ow, fuckin’ motherfuck,” You whispered as you finally landed back on a patch of grass on the other side of wooden planks. You breathed a sigh of relief as you dug your feet into the cool dirt before walking towards the back of the collection of beach houses, where a community pool was.

Most of these houses were owned by snowbirds who only lived in Florida during the fall and winter when the northern states became too cold. This left hundreds of houses all over the south of the state open to people from everywhere in the country to have a little week of ocean paradise.

Paradise.

That is what you needed to treat this trip like. No worries about moving and having to start over. Just being here in this moment for the short amount of time that you were here. You decided that was going to be your new mindset moving forward as you opened the gate to the pool.

The pool was quite large, but there was a group already huddled up in one corner of the shallow end. You counted two boys and two girls as you scanned for an open lawn chair to lay your things down.

You couldn’t help but notice how attractive they were as you started to take off your bathing suit cover. It was only amplified as you got closer while wading down the steps into the water. You were lost in this thought when the group suddenly turned to face you. You froze up just expecting a simple friendly wave of acknowledgment. However, that was thrown out of the window when one of the group began to drift towards you.

“Hey, nice to meet you!” One of the boys said as he extended his hand while you settled waist deep into the water.

“Oh, nice to meet you as well.” You shook his hand, not used to such sudden introductions.

“Jesus, Jimin. What’ve we told you about ambushing people like that?” One of the girls said, lightly smacking his shoulder. “Sorry about him. He was never taught manners. My name’s Reina.” She smiled.

“How the hell’s that any different than what I just did?” The boy, apparently named Jimin, asked while crossing his arms in annoyance.

“Well you already broke the ice without giving her a second to breathe, so I had to.”

Jimin looked like he was about to say something back until the other boy in the group came up and looped both of his arms around their necks, pulling them closer together. “Alright now lovebirds, you’re scaring the tourists.”

Ah, that explains their playful squabbling. “Oh, you guys are dating. You look super cute together,” You said.

Jimin immediately stood up taller, grabbing Reina closer. “Yeah, I accidentally caught a fishing hook in her hand when we were fourteen and she’s just been tagging along ever since.” He smiled, peppering kisses on her cheek.

“Well, it showed me how bad at fishing he is, so I knew he wasn’t gonna be one of those guys out on the boat for hours ignoring their girlfriend.” She grinned during the insult before getting her head dunked underwater.

“I’m gonna kill you!” She yelled as she swam towards Jimin who was already jetting towards the deep end of the pool.

“That’s what you get!” He laughed as she caught up with him and began splashing at him.

You smiled watching them together. You weren’t lying when you said they looked cute together. Though your smile faded after a few seconds, because seeing them reminded you of your own situation. Not only was the idea of grad school itself weighing you down, but it had actually been the downfall of your longest relationship. After you found out you were accepted into the program in California a few months back, things took a turn for the worse in your love life. He was not able to see a future in a long distance relationship spanning a few states, so unfortunately you had to call it quits after three years of being together. You started to dwell on these thoughts when you were thankfully snapped out of it by the guy who had tried to stop Jimin and Reina’s bickering a few minutes prior.

“Sorry about them. Taunting each other is their favorite hobby. I’m Namjoon, by the way.” He smiled, dimples popping out as the sun reflected off his almost platinum blonde hair.

“No, it’s no problem. It’s pretty cute actually.”

He shook his head. “Trust me, the charm wears off after more than a decade of having to watch it.”

Wow, a decade, you thought to yourself. And the comment actually made you remember something. “Oh, that reminds me. You called me a tourist.”

His eyes went a little wide as an apologetic look crossed his face. “Sorry, totally didn’t mean for that to sound rude. I know some people can complain about tourists, but we love meeting you guys.”

“No, no, I wasn’t mad about that,” You said, waving off his concern. “I just meant that means you guys actually live around here full time.”

“Born and raised by the water, baby.” He raised his beer.

The last person you hadn’t been introduced to yet then swam over towards the two of you. “Well, except for me. I’m Lisa, by the way… It’s actually my last full day before we’re heading back home.” She looked sad as she said that, lips pursing as it set in that her time here was almost over.

However, it looked like some people had not seemed to realize she was almost set to leave, because immediately Namjoon turned towards her, mouth open.

“Oh my god, I forgot you were leaving tomorrow! It feels like you just got here like two days ago.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Lisa said, dipping her head beneath the water for a few seconds.

“Well, this will absolutely not be how you spend your last night in this town.” Namjoon stood up, making his way up the stairs so that he could stand over everyone in the pool. “Announcement!”

“Yes, oh great leader,” Jimin yelled from the deep end of the pool, where he and Reina seemed to have made up.

“It’s Lisa’s last night, so I have an idea.”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Reina explained as she began kicking her way back to the shallow end. “Jungkook’s band plays at Blue Tiger tonight after he gets off his shift at the marina.”

Namjoon clapped his hands together. “Read my mind Reina!”

Everyone got immediately excited and began pulling themselves out of the water.

“Jungkook?” You asked, still standing in the pool.

When you asked about this mystery man, some of the members of the group looked at each other and gave a strange smile.

“Uhm, just another one of our friends that lives here too.” Namjoon suddenly reached his hand down to you, silently asking for you to take it. “He’s really good. Wanna join?”

You were surprised by the offer, since you had only met these people ten minutes ago. But you thought to yourself, this was exactly the type of thing you needed to distract yourself from all the stresses from your life. Plus, this Jungkook character sounded intriguing enough.

With that, you reached up for Namjoon’s inviting hand. “Sure.”

#bts #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction

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n7punk · 21 days

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"Lightbeam" Fic Notes

Pretend I posted this *checks watch* two days ago when I finished Lightbeam. I got busy lol and I was playing Stardew Valley.

Epilogue Life:

:) You’ll have to wait

Chapter 1:

⦁ This fic was originally written back in February after Embrace the Blame in preparation for the Bang. TLDR is we needed to have the fics ready early so the artists could then illustrate them, so I just wanted to write the whole thing at once because that’s how my projects work. I actually finished Embrace the Blame a few days before I posted the final chapter(s) because I had been posting it on a schedule and I could just continue using that as I worked on this to make the gap in my posting overall smaller. I think it actually took me like two weeks to write this, which is why there was a week and a half between the end of EtB and start of MMaM (and of course I had to write MMaM some too, but I already wrote the first few chapters ages ago). It’s also why there was almost two weeks between Start Your Engine finishing and Our Love Is God starting. I wrote the entire rough draft in February, and during that break I edited and finalized the fic for posting in May. I also just had a lot going on then, but yeah this fic has been slotted in between my others over the last few months.

⦁ Adora’s father’s information was left blank because she was an immaculate conception. More on this will be explored in the sequel fic <3

⦁ Norwyn is officially unnamed in the reboot I think but he’s one of the higher-ups at Mystacor. In the OG he was Shadow Weaver’s mentor.

⦁ Adora’s weather powers come up a lot in the first few scenes and I wish I had more “diversity” in magical incidents, but the problem is, as outlined later in the fic, Adora has no idea the stuff she’s doing (see: her coffee) and the weather stuff is pretty much the only consistent thing she has identified as maybe her fault. There was initially also mention of a drowning incident she miraculously survived when learning how to swim that even she knew was weird, but it ended up cut for flow.

⦁ In general, magic is normal, inevitable, and accepted, but there are still some “normie” communities that pop up in small pockets and want nothing to do with, say, a lesbian drowning the upper east side by accident on a Wednesday afternoon because she’s sad. Legally they can’t do anything to “discriminate”, but it’s a culture thing. Catra faced constant bullying and Adora was only safe because she didn’t even know if she had magic. Weaver moved there after getting cursed from her own incompetence because they easily believed the story that someone else cursed her and welcomed her in as a victim with open arms. Her understanding along with rejection of magic made her the perfect person to point to justify their ignorance (see, even a once-sorceress can be turned on and reject magic when she realizes the dangers. Etc). The main reason she moved there was just because there was less magic in the area, though (part of the reason a normie community popped up there), so it made it easier to manage her curse because it was weakened.

⦁ Oh boy, the Whispering Woods section. So first, I should say the version in the fic is pretty much what I originally outlined. The only big difference was Adora was supposed to find out about Razz from her research and went seeking her out rather than going there following her “mom.” I couldn’t figure out what that research would look like, though, so I went with the mom thing because that aligned with her backstory. My big problem was that I got a new idea once I got to writing the woods and the new idea was bad but it felt like reversing progress to go back to the original thing. The new idea was that Mara was an ancient She-ra who fell in love with Light Hope and, in her grief when Light Hope died, accidentally transformed her soul into a guardian spirit who would watch over future She-ras and “keep them safe” so they don’t get in a position where they, yknow, accidentally warp time and space and the laws of physics again. Light Hope was the one who actually sent the lightning, sent Catra, and protected Adora when she was drowning when she was seven. Adora would find the hut, would talk in circles with Razz, spot Catra who immediately fled, and get so frustrated and sad it started pouring rain, which forced Catra to flee back in through the window and into Adora’s arms for safety from Razz but she refused to change back because she was mad at her. While waiting out the storm, Adora eventually had the idea to google guardian spirits, found different methods for getting in contact with them, and tried meditation. This is around when I realized this whole set-up was bust, but the idea was going to be that she got in contact with Light Hope, had her powers she wasn’t in touch with explained to her, and told Light Hope to stop the wrath of god shit. Light Hope’s existence kind of wiped out everything I had planned for what was supposed to be the actual fic with her learning her powers. This new backstory changed everything and ruined what I actually wanted to write about, so I went back to my original outline. It’s way better for it and it meant I actually got to do the slow discovering and mastering of her powers I had planned, but boy can it be a struggle to dig yourself out of a hole and lose “progress”.

⦁ Catra eating the pie was actually a joke from before I started working on the fic. The original joke was that she was legitimately visiting the woods just to “steal” food from Razz and this was a thing she did on the weekends sometimes because they all lived nearby. Razz was fine with sharing with her cat “guest” in this version and seemed oblivious to the fact she was a person. This got changed because 1) Even if I changed it so they were all living near the woods and there weren’t barriers to Catra and Adora spending time together early on when she’s reluctant, that then posed the question of why the hell Adora hadn’t tried visiting her mom’s place already if it was easily accessible, 2) while I think Catra taking the pie once she knows about it is in character, her ever wandering through the woods enough to even find Razz to steal from wasn’t, so the basic set up didn’t really work, 3) the final version, with Adora’s powers going haywire and bringing her there, is way more impactful and in line with the fic’s story. It gives Catra a motivation to keep in contact with Adora after this point and illustrates definitively just how powerful Adora’s powers can be when she’s still in denial about the “warping the fabric of reality” thing.

⦁ Agatha Trunchbull was the basically demonic head mistress in Matilda, which, from my understanding, had a fucking torture closet she would lock kids into, in addition to regularly assaulting them like when she clobbered a massive serving tray over a kids head. I haven’t actually read the book, I just knew someone who liked it growing up and I went to the wikipedia to be sure when I went for the reference.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Adora’s spiraling and exaggerating, but empaths do need to actually hold the hand of someone and open their heart to feel their energy, so Adora isn’t likely to ever cause an accidental concussion as long as she’s careful about who she holds hands with.

⦁ “Catra sends her a condescending look that makes Adora blush for some reason.” It’s because you like belittling, idiot.

⦁ Catra’s kitten form is partially a result of trauma and partially natural self-defense. Having such a small form allowed her to hide and slip away when she needed safety from Weaver/bullies/etc. The trauma getting a little better is why she was able to “grow up” a little but she was right that it’s permanent in the sense she will never be able to have an adult form.

⦁ The meditation was actually a lot more helpful than Adora gave it credit for, but again, lack of self-awareness.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Adora’s whole thing about “oh, I’ve never actually experienced this thing I’ve heard talked about” is definitely a realization I’ve had a few times in my life, usually in some medical context though, like when I found out I’d never had an actual runny nose because I’d never breathed through my nose before.

Chapter 4:

⦁ Catra is being especially cuddly as a cat because it’s an “acceptable” way to get snuggled up close so she can then transform and properly cuddle Adora.

⦁ Catra showing up at her door as a cat was literally just because I wanted an excuse to write more kitten!Catra I was ready to be done with her yet lol.

⦁ I’m planning to write a sequel fic set a few years down the line once Catra and Adora are married, but as you know if you’ve been following my Tumblr, I have like three active WIPs demanding attention, so that’s going to have to wait.

⦁ This isn’t related to the fic so much, but this was my first time ever doing a fandom event! There’s definitely zines and stuff I would have wanted to participate in before but I only ever learn about these things after they’re already over lol. I loved being part of this Bang and oh my god do I love the illustrations so much Karo did an INCREDIBLE job. I knew I wanted to participate in the Bang the second I heard about it, but picking a fic was hard. I really wanted to write something in canon but didn’t think any of my current OotW ideas would be long enough for the word count requirement. At that time, I had a canon divergent AU ready to go, but it was Make Me A Monster and I wanted to do something happy so… yeah that was a no go lol even if someone might have wanted to draw the cybernetics. Lightbeam ended up being the perfect option because it was 1) fairly short for an AU but long enough to meet the requirement and post over the week, 2) light-hearted, 3) had plenty of scenes I thought someone might want to illustrate between Adora’s powers and kitten!Catra, 4) I’ll be honest, it kind of felt full circle, because…

⦁ At the start of this year I posted freak occurrence: confluence as a celebration of over three years of posting Catradora fics and finally getting to my fics being 1% of the entire Catradora tag on AO3 (next goal is 1% of the SPOP tag — JOKE THIS IS A JOKE THAT’S NEVER HAPPENING). It featured tons of my Catradora couples from various AUs — including one AU that hadn’t been posted yet. I’d had the freak occurrence fic idea for three years, so whenever I came up with a new AU I’d picture its Catradora in that scenario, which meant I’d already thought about what Lightbeam’s couple would do in that scenario even though I hadn’t written it yet. Getting to post it as part of the Bang was so exciting and I hope it lived up to expectations! The version that was featured in that fic was a few years older, when Adora had a better grip on her magic, but you’ll see a bit of that in the sequel fic.

Meta:

Playlist

Upcoming:

I have a one shot I’m probably going to post in the next couple days and then I’m aiming for Slipstream (my hacker AU) but uh….. Something is coalescing that may also demand attention. Stay tuned ig lol

#lightbeam #fic notes #ficmeta

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inkandarsenic · 24 days

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My thoughts on the new episodes:

- love the info dumping right off the bat therapy really did wonders for 15

- “Most of the universe is knackered, babes” ok 1) 15, i love you so much, and 2) why do I get the feeling that the reason most of it is knackered is because of you, bestie?

- “Why did I run?” That’s what you do babe. It’s like your whole thing. please don’t ask dumb questions

- ruby reminds me so much of rose and it is 1000% because of the way that Space Babies parallels End of the World so hard

- Ok so getting the feeling that it’s less “the therapy worked wonders” and more “we’re pretending that it worked wonders” because a lot of this conversation is feeling like 15 is masking his true feelings

- space babies crack me up, the cgi to move their mouths was weird and the babies themselves looked so confused to be there at all times it was great

- Ngl him scaring them more than once and then laughing a little feels very on brand for the doctor

- Ruby continues to confuse me, who are you Ruby Sunday, I want answers. very excited to see where this story arc is going

- QUEEN CHARLOTTE????

- societal parallels punching me in the face I love it this show is so back

- Ok saying you’re an ugly bug is a lot less effective when you’re Ncuti Gatwa and your past incarnations have always been attractive

- Eric the perpetually confused looking baby I love you

- this monster is very much reminding me of the sleep-sand monsters from that one twelveclara episode, sleep no more

- 15 babes I swear to god throwing yourself into open airlocks because you’re relating too hard to the monster of the week better not become your thing

- love him telling ruby “no going to meet your mom” immediately like babes does not want a repeat of the Father’s Day disaster with rose

- THE SCAN OF RUBY??? some things truly never fucking change

- ngl i feel like playing the banned chord that invites the devil in is a Bad Idea

- MR TIMOTHY DRAKE??? THEY REALLY NAMED THIS MAN TIMOTHY DRAKE AND CALLED HIM A GENIUS AND THEN KILLED HIM I CANNOT

- the maestro is terrifying. why are they making eye contact with me I don’t like that

- oh wow the first time the theme song has ever made me uncomfortable

- I love that 15 looks physically pained by the music that’s being played

- the notes that Paul says and the theme that plays? Reminds me of the piano notes at the end of the Doctor’s theme from way back in series 1 with Nine, sounds very similar

- oh Ruby you sweet summer child you haven’t been traveling long enough to recognize that tone

- here’s a thought: do you think maybe the Doctor is one of these celestial pantheon beings? That they would have been like the Toymaker and the Maestro if they hadn’t been abandoned in this universe?

- I’m really starting to hate 14 for inviting the Toymaker into the universe again. He just had to invoke superstition at the edge of the universe.

- ah yes the age old tradition of breaking the TARDIS

- the doctor hearing non-diegetic music has many implications I refuse to think about right now

- RTD never fails to have unsettling villains

- so Ruby seems to be the new impossible girl, which is appropriate because she looks so much like Clara

- also WHO WAS THERE I JUST WANT TO KNOW

- “the one who waits is almost here” what does that mean. we’ve met the embodiment of play and now music, who else are we going to meet?

- musical number at the end feels so Disney

- also did anyone else notice that the Harbinger kid was back at the end? Does anyone else think that’s going to come up again?

I love that we’re diving into and learning more about the Toymaker and his whole pantheon of celestial beings but do you know what this would be an absolutely perfect point to reintroduce?

THE SATAN PIT AND ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IT DID NOT ANSWER

I’m gonna link the post where I rant about it here but please someone say they agree with me

#the satan pit #it makes me insane #doctor who #frequently losing my mind over this episode #and you know what #the most recent episode of doctor who would have been a perfect place to call back to it #the devil’s chord #the maestro #the toymaker #the beast #THEY ALL FIT TOGETHER INTO THE SAME CATEGORY #AND I WILL NEVER STOP BRINGJNG THIS UP #RTD I AM IN YOUR HIUSE J AM IN YOUR WALLS #all in all #i love this season so much #I love the 180 in tone from space babies to devils chord #I love 15

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heart4gyu · 1 year

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friends date pt.2 || nicholas x reader

note: finally right? it’s been like ages since pt.1 but i finally got around to finishing this ^_^ hope you enjoy give me some feedback i always love to hear it !! (also i didn’t proofread i just wanted to post this already aaah)

wc: 2,533 words

as you walked along side each other, you tried to stay involved in the conversation but you really couldn’t stop thinking of what your mom had said. ‘make him your boyfriend already’ she had to be joking. how could she say that? he was your best friend, for years, basically your whole life. and in what way did y’all act like a couple? you literally just acted like friends… whatever, just let it go, she doesn’t understand. no one needed to understand your relationship with nicholas except you and him, and that’s all you needed. “you okay?” he said, interrupting your thoughts. “hm? oh yeah i’m fine, my mom was just being… weird,” you said, laughing it off awkwardly. “oh uh, you wanna talk about it?” he offered but you just shook your head and he let it go. he knew you well enough to know that if you wanted to tell him you would, sooner or later.

you tried to not think about it too much because you knew he’d notice. “so where are we going this time?” you asked, trying to get back to your usual self. "hmm..." he started, staring up at the sky pretending to think about it, "it's a surprise." you chuckled, looking down at the ground, and he looked down at you beside him with the sweetest smile that you just so happened to miss. "oh i bet i’ll be so surprised,” you said, sarcastically. there really wasn’t anywhere you hadn’t taken each other. after all these years, you knew every single one of each others favorite spots. but you could never get bored of any of them, or maybe you’d just never get bored of him…"come on, we're almost there," he said, holding his arm out for you to link yours. you hesitated but took his offer quickly, giving him a smile as to not give yourself away. he always did that, that's how you always walked with him, especially in crowded places. it's normal, friends link arms. you and nicholas are friends who link arms. though, what wasn’t quite normal, was the feeling in your stomach when his skin came into contact with yours. not to be cliche but you felt butterflies in your stomach as you walked so closely to him.

the walk after that wasn’t too long. everything in the city was pretty close, you tried to figure out where he was taking you. you’d already passed up most of your favorite arcades, so no, and the science museum was your favorite but he passed it up too. the zoo wasn’t too far from here just on the other side of the big local park in the center of downtown. “hey, i said surprise, stop trying to figure it out,” he said, waving a hand in front of your face. you laughed, swatting his hand away, “okay okay.” “it’s this way,” he said, turning toward where the zoo was. maybe you were right, you hadn’t been to the zoo in a while. you smiled to yourself, proudly, there hadn’t been a time when you hadn’t guessed correctly where he was taking you. then he suddenly came to a stop, and was pulling the door of a huge building open. “wait- i thought we were going to the zoo,” you said, kind of off guard. he smiled, “nope, you guessed wrong. one point for me.” you rolled your eyes and looked around still trying to figure out where he’d brought you. you’d never been here before and the building was unfamiliar, despite you and nicholas having seen most of the city. the lights were dim and it was cold, you could make out waves and ripples painted onto the wall though. “here, sit here while i get our passes,” he said, walking you over to a bench at the side of the room. he got in line and your gaze found the reception desk, finally noticing to blue led letters behind the employees. aquarium. you smiled to yourself, feeling a blush rise up in your cheeks. you had sent him a tiktok a couple weeks ago of one of the biggest aquariums in the world. it was beautiful and you added that you had never been to one before. but honestly you thought he didn’t take the time to watch all the tiktoks you sent him daily or even read your replies. you almost teared up at the thought of someone caring so much.

a couple minutes passed before he came back holding both wristbands in his hand. when you noticed him coming back, you stood up taking a couple steps toward him. you smiled shyly, and he returned it taking your hand to put your wristband on. “were you surprised?” he asked, looking up at you while he adjusted the band. “yeah, i’ve never been to an aquarium before,” you said, smiling fondly at him. “i know, i remember you told me so i wanted to be the first one to bring you,” he said, handing you his band. his hand was warm when you brought it up to wrap the band around his wrist. “hm, well who else would want to bring me,” you scoffed, lightheartedly. you kept your head low to hide the embarrassment dusting your cheeks, but the look he had in his eyes was not one of pity. he looked at you with stars in his eyes, you’d have to be an idiot to not see how much he adored you. you looked back up at him once you were finished, taking a step away from him toward the double doors. but he stopped you, taking hold of one of your hands, pulling you back a bit. “y/n, anyone would be happy to bring you,” he said, taking a step toward you. he looked at you and you could tell he wanted to say something but he didn’t. he stared at his hand holding yours, then intertwined your fingers. you felt goosebumps from his hand being completely connected to yours. “guess i just always get to be the lucky one,” he said, looking back up at you. your faces only an inch or two away from each other but neither of you moved away for a couple of seconds. you’d never felt tension like this, not with him at least. you kind of hoped he’d lean in some more, or confess something to you in that moment. he backed up and gave you a small smile, and you couldn’t quite read the look in his eyes as he walked you through the entrance.

it was nice, there wasn’t too many people but just enough to fill the silence with quiet conversations. there was a long hallway with marine life facts before the first room. once you entered, the first tank was huge, taking up the whole wall. there was a family and a couple in the room with you. the kids sitting pointing up at the tank and the couple sitting on a bench, leaning into each other. you looked down at your intertwined hands again. finally you looked up into the tank and it was almost like you were inside the tank because of how large it was. you watched the fish make their rounds around the tank, the larger animals taking longer than the small ones. you gasped softly when you saw a small shark making it’s way around. “look, a shark,” you said, only loud enough for him to hear. you pointed excitedly with the hand that wasn’t holding his. “want a picture with it?” he said, letting go of your hand and scooting back quickly when you nodded. he took out his phone and you posed pointing up at the shark before it could move away. he snapped a few, then looked down at his phone, satisfied. he moved beside you to show you the pictures, placing his other hand on your back as you swiped through. you flinched at his touch but not enough for him to notice. what was up with you today? he was always like this with you. both of you were, you were both touchy. but friends are touchy, it’s fine that’s how people show their love. but if you were only his friend and he was like this with you does that mean he’s like this with his other friends? no. no this is not jealousy. you weren’t jealous because he’s just your friend. and it’s okay if he’s touchy with you and it’s okay if he’s touchy with his other friends too… except you still felt somewhat bothered by the thought. you looked up at him and he looked back at you, staying like that for a second. you were close again, really close and you felt yourself leaning towards him. in that moment you almost forgot where you were and that there were other people in the room with you. you blushed again as you took a step back, “uh yeah, they look nice,” you said, hurriedly walking past him, toward the next room.

you spent the rest of your time avoiding his touch, like when your hands brushed past each other as you walked or when you both tried to pet the same stingray. and of course, he noticed. he noticed something was off since he picked you up but he didn’t want to force you to tell him. “you sure you’re okay?” he said, sitting beside you on the small wooden bench. you had decided to stop and take a break, finding vending machines near the bathrooms. he handed you a water bottle and you drank from it before answering. “yeah i’m fine,” you smiled at him as you handed him the bottle. he nodded, as he took a sip from it too. indirect kiss. you looked away, hoping the heat in your cheeks wasn’t too obvious. “the hallway before the last room is made completely of glass, like a semi-cylinder, i think you’ll really like it,” he said, as he stood. he held his hand out for you to grab it so you did. “you’ve been here before?” you asked, feeling shy all of sudden. “yeah, my mom brought me a couple of times,” he said, leading you towards the next area. you nodded, but for some reason, you felt relieved. the doorway leading into the hallway that nicholas mentioned was glowing, much brighter than the rest of the aquarium. once you stepped in you were in awe, it was like nothing you’d ever seen before. the fish were swimming all around you and the water cast these wonderful shadows onto the floor beneath you. “it’s beautiful,” you said, as you continued walking. he stayed behind as you went on, not knowing where to look. too many colorful animals and plants to choose from. you reached up trying to touch the curving glass above you but you could just barely graze it. “yeah, beautiful,” he said, but when you looked back at him he wasn’t looking up at the tank like you were. he was looking at you. you both blushed when you made eye contact for a split second. then both of you looked away abruptly, trying to find anything else to look at.

you made it through the hall and into the last room. looking around quickly, and taking a couple pictures. but when you exited the aquarium, you didn’t hold hands or link arms like you usually did. you just walked silently, side by side, onto the deck outside. it looked over the ocean and the sun was setting as you made it out. you both stopped at the edge to watch the sunset, folding your arms over the wooden rail. “did you call me beautiful in there?” you finally spoke after a few minutes of silence. he groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “i couldn’t help it, i’m sorry, it was weird,” he said, his face still buried in his hands and you laughed. “no it wasn’t weird… it was kinda sweet,” you said and he looked back up at you. he watched your face for any sign that you didn’t really mean it but you just smiled. “… no one’s ever said that to me,” you said, making him raise his eyebrows, beyond shocked. “like ever? how?” he said, standing up straight from his previous hunched over position. “well just my parents or friends when i’m all dressed up, but never just like that,” you said, looking down at the water under the deck. the sun was gone now just leaving the moons reflection on the dark water, but you could still see and hear the small waves washing in. “well you are beautiful… everyday, just like that,” he said, turning his body to face you now. you just smiled at him with your head resting on your hand. he knew you weren’t good at taking compliments, never really believed anyone when they praised you. you always have half-hearted ‘thank you’s or smiles that didn’t reach your eyes. so when he took a step into your personal space and placed a hand under your chin, he just wanted to show you that he was being genuine from the bottom of his heart. “i really mean it y/n,” he said, looking directly into your eyes. the bright, yellow lights that were hung across the pier making your eyes shine just slightly more than they usually did. he didn’t just think you were beautiful, he knew it and he was mesmerized by you right now just like he always was. your chest felt tight as you placed your hand above his on your cheek, leaning into his warmth. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, and when you looked up at him again, you were sure. with your other hand, you pulled him down until his lips came into contact with yours. and you kissed him, like you never thought you’d want to kiss anyone. his lips were soft and gentle as they moved against yours. after a minute, he pulled away and placed your hand on his chest. “my heart’s gonna explode,” he said, making you laugh because his heart was in fact beating so fast. he placed his forehead on yours and closed his eyes, unable to contain the smile that remained on his lips. “you don’t know how long i’ve waited for you to do that,” he said, barely above a whisper. so you kissed him again, this time more passionately. “then i won’t ever make you wait again,” you replied, just as quietly. now he took his turn to kiss you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he smiled into the kiss. and when you lost count of how many times he kissed you and you kissed him, he walked you home. with your arm wrapped around his except this time it wasn’t in a “friends” way and you didn’t even try to deny it. you leaned into him and he kissed the top of your head and every single thing about this felt right. the only thing you were worried about now was how you would explain this all to your mom…

#heart4gyu #violetsblog #kpop #jpop #&team #nicholas #&team nicholas #wang yixiang #nicholas x reader #nicholas imagine #nicholas fanfic #&team x y/n #&team imagines #&team x reader #&team soft hours #&team scenarios #&team fluff #&team drabbles

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lantur · 3 months

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updates,

I was pretty stressed last Saturday because I was feeling mentally burned out and exhausted and had to work for part of the day, representing my organization at an event and making a presentation :/ It ended up going well, I met some nice people, and got an interesting idea for my next work project. The rest of the day was wonderful - Derek and I played board games and went out for dinner at our favorite neighborhood Chinese restaurant. ❤️ We've been eating out a lot less over the last six months or so, just like once a month, so it was a special treat.

Sunday was a great day. I had a fun morning workout and went to a horror play at Theater Mu. I love them - they're the largest Asian American theater company in the Midwest and their shows are always so well written and acted. I'm really happy to have been able to attend more plays over the last six months or so. Living in a place with so many local theater companies is my favorite part of living in the Twin Cities.

I also made a new recipe for dinner that night that turned out super well - hot honey crispy baked salmon bowls with broccoli. :)

I have been limping and crawling through this work week. Work has been overwhelming for almost a month straight. I'm grateful to have a leadership role, but it's challenging and exhausting to not just work on my own solo projects and to-do list items, but to lead and support others every time they have a problem or need something, which is often.

This week also became challenging because my mom reached out to me on Tuesday night (a day after my last post on here where I said that I was sure I hadn't heard the last from her yet, ironically) and told me she was planning on moving to India later this year. I had to handle that conversation in a more polite way than "don't let the door hit you on your way out." Talking to her, as always, brought up a lot of negative feelings. She said she wants to see me before she leaves, but I held off on committing to that - partly because of the reason below.

On a more positive note, I had my long awaited appointment with my new OB-GYN yesterday :) I really like her. She's experienced, she's from the same culture as I am, and she left me feeling with a sense of knowledge and optimism about this whole pre-conception and conception process. I'm going to go off the pill when my current pill pack is over at the end of March and then start tracking my cycle to see what it is like, if/when I ovulate, etc. I have PCOS, so the question of whether I ovulate naturally is yet to be determined. I've been on the pill for my entire adult life and during my teenage years to treat PCOS, so I'm curious and a bit nervous to see what happens when I'm off it. I'm curious and excited to see if/when I could conceive this year.

I'm writing this while I wait at the airport for my flight to Tokyo. This trip snuck up on me after I booked it. As recently as last week, I thought that my trip was 3 weeks away - even though I theoretically knew it started on March 7. Then I realized March 7 was next Thursday and not 3 weeks away. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm really excited to have this time for myself. I push myself really hard at work, at home, and with personal development goals. I enjoy what I do. I like grocery shopping and cooking, I like working out, I like studying Spanish every day. I even like my job, most of the time. But sometimes it just feels exhausting to juggle it all, and it's so nice to take time where I'm not doing anything for anyone else but myself. :) It feels especially timely because I hope to start my master's in social work program in September, and I hope to possibly be growing the family by then too!

#lanturing

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hydrajones · 9 months

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As promised to no one but myself, here's a quick rundown of my mom's epic Utena theories/reactions as of the end of the Student Council Saga (and ep 13 b/c recap)

-I don't remember anything specific for the first 3 episodes, other than general anger at Saionji and deciding Nanami was a brat. My bad-

-*at start of show* "Okay, mom, pay attention to the opening since it has clues" "Okay!" *episode 4* "Wait, is that the bratty sister in the opening?" "...you just noticed that?" "Oh hush, you know I never pay attention to openings"

-I don't remember exactly what she said, but she quickly realized that Miki REALLY wants to get reconnected with his sister and his 1st crush is getting all mixed in it

-also she officially finds Nanami funny, says she "acts more like a 10 year old" then a 12 year old

-spent the entire Tsuwabuki into episode absolutely funny/shocking. Spent the whole time laughing and gasping

-figures out the lesbian Juri plot twist immediately

-also spent the entire curry episode laughing and lightly concerned over how determind the elephants were

-*about Touga* "He is so not her prince!" <- repeated with more frustration everytime Utena thinks that

-*in episode 9* "I almost feel bad for Saionji..." *he slaps Anthy again* "Nevermind"

-"Well, the girl is Utena but Touga isn't the prince from the opening..?" "Yeah, Saionji just doesn't know about that, and the show is trying to confuse us" "I knew it!"

-*episode 10* "Did... did she kill the cat?" "Yeah" "...WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?!?" "Lots of things"

-*after episode 11* "Just because Anthy HAD to agree with everything Utena said doesn't mean she would have disagreed with her. While Anthy is never truely herself, I think she could be as close to "herself" as possible when she was with Utena, even if she didn't mean to"

-*episode 12 opening sequence* "Okay, so that's Utena's real prince opening his eyes. He's connected to the weird upside down castle and Anthy somehow. The whole "crack the world's shell" thing is probably actually about waking him up, but does the student council know that?" "...maybe!" "You've seen this twice" "I'm trying not to spoil anything!"

-Spent all of episode 12 agreeing with Wakaba

-*when Juri gives Utena the sword* "oh I know her! She's the girl duelist who was in love with the girl" "Yep, and they had that whole love triangle" "Which could have been solved if she just communicated with her crush" "none of the characters communicate" "I KNOW! It's very frustrating!"

-"Just because Touga has the sword of Dios doesn't mean he has Dio's power. Dio's might just give his power to Utena anyways" *later in the duel* "called it! Also is he like... a ghost??"

-"Okay mom, this is the recap episode, but it does have important lore" *after the first flashback* "I think this might be a recap!" (teasing me)

-"So I was right about the prince needing to be reawakened, but they aren't explaing anything else. Also who's the suspicious man talking to him?"

-*in the next episode preview* "...Why does Anthy's brother have the same silhouette as the suspicious man??"

Overall, she's getting the main duelist down pretty good. She's still the most confused about Nanami and Touga. She's technically right about her "Dios" theories, but also technically wrong because AKIO. Also completely unaware of the Anthy twist, but having pretty good opinions about her so far.

Please note she does not know anyone's names besides Anthy and Utena. I paraphrased so it would be easy to tell what she's talking about. She consistantly refers to chacers as "(personality trait/design characteristic) (gender)" (ie. "Bratty sister" or "green hair boy").

We did get to episode 14, but imma put all that into a different post. Hopefully I'll remember to update my drafts every week next time so I don't forget as much!

#revolutionary girl utena spoilers #revolutionary girl utena #dear mama...#hydra's rgu rants #rgu spoilers #rgu #student council saga

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p1a9u3 · 9 days

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PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

#Dylan is in trouble #dylan matthews #Dylan is in trouble fanfic #Dylan Matthews fanfic #fluff #angst #neighbors au #slow burn

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linahopeeeee · 2 years

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So Far Away 01

Masterlist

✨Pairing: Yoongi x reader (brothers best friend)

✨Summary: When Namjoon finds out that his father cheated on his mother years ago and had a child he makes it his mission to fulfill his fathers dying wish and meet his long lost sister and form a relationship, he doesn’t however expect for her to fall in love with one of his best friends along the way.

✨Words: 1300

✨Notes: chapter 2 will be posted either Wednesday night or Thursday morning so please look forward to the next update😊

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Does mom know?” Namjoon angrily asks his father. The man in question just guiltily shakes his head no as he looks down at his hands that sit in his lap.

Namjoon is quiet for the next few minutes, still trying to process what his father just told him.

Recently his father had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and for the past couple of weeks been quite sick.

This morning namjoon got a call from his father telling him he wanted to talk to him about something very important, and out of all the scenarios he envisioned in his brain none of them could have prepared him for what he was just told.

“Namjoon, son-” his father had started before going quiet, still trying to find the right words to say. “There’s no easy way for me to say this so I’m just going to say it” another pause.

Namjoon throws a questioning look towards his father but stays quiet, waiting for him to tell him whatever he had to say.

“A few years after you were born I met this woman and we soon became friends. It started off innocent but quickly became something more. For the next year me and her got closer and eventually the relationship became physical.” He tells him and Namjoon feels himself getting angry.

“No, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her, figured that if she didn’t know she wouldn’t be hurt” he tells son who only scoffs in return.

“You didn’t want to hurt her?” He asked in disbelief, shaking his head. His entire life he’s looked at his parents marriage as one that he wanted to follow.

He wanted to fall in love the same way his parents did, he wanted him and his wife to still be madly in love even 30 years later. He wanted to be the only person his wife wanted to be with and vice versa.

But to sit here and find out that it was all just a lie? That his whole life was a lie. And now he has a random sibling somewhere in the world that he hasn’t met is beyond crazy to him.

“why are you telling me all of this?” He asks “why not take it to the grave?”

His dad sighs deeply, because truth be told, that’s the same question he’s been asking himself. Why? Well the answer is simple.

“I’m telling you because I want you to find her, I want you and your sister to have a relationship.” He finally says and namjoon looks at him like he has two heads or something.

“Why would I want to find the person who almost ruined our family?” He questions, bewildered.

“She didn’t almost ruin anything” he says honestly. “I did, I choose to sleep with her, I was the one who initiated the relationship. She didn’t know I was married when it started and I should’ve told her but I didn’t.”

They’re both quiet for a few moments. He takes his sons hand in his, squeezing tightly for a second.

“I don’t want you to hate your sister, or her mother. If you want to hate some-” his sentence is cut short as a fit of coughs force there way out of him. He’s out of breath and namjoon wants so badly to be upset with his dad.

He wants to hate him for what he’s done. But looking at him laying in the hospital bed, he just can’t.

He squeezes his dads hand back and forces and small smile. “I don’t hate you” he tells his father honestly. “But I’m disappointed. I’ll try to find her and I promise you that we’re going to form a relationship.” He says.

They talk for a while more as namjoon tries to get information about his sister or her mother to help him on his journey to find them.

It’s an hour and a half later when he’s walking out of the front doors of the hospital and heading back in the direction of the dorm, mind cloudy.

~~~~~~~

“I’m so ready to go home” you tell your best friend, Logan, the two of you had a closing shift at the movie theater in your small town. It was now close to midnight and you bed was calling your name.

“Same, I’m so happy I’m off tomorrow cause if I had to clean up another popcorn spill I was going to lose my mind” she says and you laugh, throughout your entire shift she kept messaging you telling you how there was a million pieces of popcorn that she had to clean up.

“At least you didn’t have to clean the mens restroom” you say, a shiver runs through your body at the memory. Why were men so gross?

The two of you cross the street and take a seat at the bus stop, checking the time on your phone you see that you still have at least 10 minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive.

You and Logan have been friends for forever. Both of you were the new transfer student at school during 4 grade and instantly gravitated towards each other. Before you knew it she was your best friend.

The sound of her ringtone pulls you out of the mini daydream you we’re having, J-Hope’s voice blaring through the speaker since she insisted on having his verse from Cypher pt3 as her ringtone.

She answers it and it’s her mom, asking when she was going to be home. You quickly put your face in the camera, saying hi and starting your own little mini conversation with her.

A few minutes later the bus pulls up and you both head straight towards the back, taking your seats.

“Wanna spend the night?” She asks as the two of you walk the couple of blocks to your street. You nod your head, already pulling out your phone to call your mom.

“Yeah, let me just call my mom first” you say, phone already ringing.

She picks up on the second ring “hey, can I spend the night at lo’s?” You ask, knowing she’s going to say yes.

After you get the confirmation the two of you walk up the driveway leading to her house.

“Pizza?” She says throwing you a shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in, you don’t even reply, instead moaning loudly at the thought of a hot slice of Hawaiian pizza, as you rub your stomach.

She rolls her eyes at your dramatics before pulling out her phone and dialing the number to your local pizza place. She orders your regular, two pizzas. One and regular boring pepperoni and the other a Hawaiian for you.

You take a quick shower so that she can take one too before the pizza comes.

“Have you checked your email today?” She asks, walking out of the bathroom, shirt drying her hair. Your eyes widen as you remember that you did not in fact check your email today and you were waiting for a very important email from one of the colleges you applied for.

You quickly rush over to her desk, opening up her laptop and logging in to your email, eyes scanning for a email from the school when your eyes land on one email in particular.

“DNA test?” You question to yourself. Why the hell would you need a dna test? You quickly click on the email, reading the contents with wide eyes, mouth open wide.

“Hey is everything okay?” Logan asks concerned, walking over to where your sitting in front of her desk. She reads the email from over your shoulder, gasping loudly.

“What the fuck” you both say at the same time

#bts #bts fanfic #min yoongi #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #eventual smut #brothers best friend

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 1 year

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ELEMENTAL Projections

So apparently ELEMENTAL is on track to flop-a-doo this coming June, huh?

Recent projections made by Box Office Pro have it opening at $28m minimum, $38m maximum. They note that the picture has the chance to have those usual Pixar summer legs and break the 2020s Disney theatrical animation bad streak at the box office, and make it to around $155m domestic, which would be a fantastic total for a post-outbreak original animated movie. COCO, back in early 2018, finished up with around $209m domestically. $200m is usually an easy threshold for Pixar. Only one picture in the 21st century that wasn't a sequel missed it, that was THE GOOD DINOSAUR, which still made over $120m domestically. ONWARD I do not count, because that was cut off one week in by the pandemic.

Box Office Pro has a history of lowballing animated movies on their opening weekends, though. They also had THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE pegged for a roughly $65-90m opening, when the thing cruised well past $140m+ for the three-day alone... I knew it would top $100m easily, and I'm no box office pro... I've only made predictions for fun for about a decade, many of which concerning animated movies, haha.

They also weirdly note that the picture, being a romantic comedy, will have a hard time appealing to young boys... Okay, are young boys the ones with the money buying tickets? You know, Walt Disney had once said in an interview with the BBC in 1959:

"Well, no, you have to appeal to the adult, or... Well, the adults have money, the children don't have any money."

Interestingly, Walt had kind of cracked it when it came to making movies by that point in time. As he saw it, anyways. He had theorized that appealing to "mom" was the way to go, the target to hit. Because mom takes dad and the kids, the whole family, to check out the movie... And mom tells her friends... So on, so forth... Maybe it's not young boys that Disney should be appealing to. Remember when they tried very hard to appeal to that demographic in the late 2000s? Making major changes in animation because of that? Nearly jettisoning fairy tale stories for good and messing with movie titles for fear of boys finding them to be too girly? (I still dislike "TANGLED" as a title, to be completely honest.) I guess the romances of classic Disney animated movies were a hard sell, huh? Because boys under the age of 13 might not like them?

I'm not trying to knock the good people at BOP, by the way. I frequently enjoy their podcast and analyses, but sometimes I think they can be a little off with animated movie, and because there's a lot of internet dogpiling on this one Pixar picture that no one except the film crew has even *seen* yet... I just wanted to weigh in.

As BOP noted, and many others have noted as well, ELEMENTAL has a big uphill battle to face in the form of the Disney+ problem. We all know what that is... A lot of people, especially those who are tight on money and have to narrow their moviegoing choices every calendar year, might've been conditioned to just wait for these family movies to come to Disney+. No need to spend $100 at the multiplex on tickets, snacks, and of course take a gamble on whether the experience in a theater will be good or not... It's right there, at home, in a few months, and we got all the snacks without having to spend a mortgage on!

I've stated on here many times before that I work at a movie theater, and a major chain movie theater at that. A Cinemark. Been there for almost 8 years, and I feel I get the first-hand idea of what audiences want to see as opposed to very-online "experts" on twitter and elsewhere.

And it seems like people are digging ELEMENTAL. "Ah cool, a water and fire people movie! Looks cute!" Most of my co-workers think it looks like it's worth watching. I've seen some customers walk up to the posters and say "Is this INSIDE OUT 2?" "Hah, looks like Sharkboy and Lava Girl."

A lot of people online are writing ELEMENTAL off as generic-looking, but that might be... In a weird sense, its secret weapon.

Familiarity sometimes works for movies, and sometimes it doesn't. LIGHTYEAR, I'd argue, had trouble having some kind of longevity at the box office because of how much it deviated from what people associate with TOY STORY and the titular character. Of course, if you're me, and you knew full well what that movie was going to be (read: an actual sci-fi space adventure where Buzz is actually a space ranger, not a toy), that wasn't much of an issue. Some just genuinely didn't like the execution of it. It rung more INTERSTELLAR and '70s sci-fi movies than anything, Buzz was a little more serious here, he wasn't his toy counterpart at all nor was he the fun cartoon hero in the 2000s TV series BUZZ LIGHTYEAR OF STAR COMMAND. I get that. I myself quite enjoyed the movie, but I can totally see it how it just wouldn't gel with most audiences.

TURNING RED, I feel, would've done okay at best at the box office, not because of its perceived quality (I loved the movie), but because of - again - most audiences being very careful with their money. I keep thinking it would've made around BAD GUYS/ENCANTO numbers, $90m domestic and around $200m worldwide. Not enough to cover the usual Pixar budget... Which is typically a gargantuan $150m+... I feel they, and Walt Disney Animation Studios for that matter, shouldn't spend so damn much on their movies... It puts an unnecessary strain on them, gives them a sometimes impossible task to achieve. It soooo ain't 2003 anymore, when any CG animated movie you dropped in front of an audience was 99.99% guaranteed to make a blockbuster amount of money...

ELEMENTAL also shares June with... ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE, TRANSFORMERS LIVE-ACTION MOVIE #7, THE FLASH, RUBY GILLMAN *comma* TEENAGE KRAKEN, and INDIANA JONES 5... Wowee... And a good chunk of those movies weren't supposed to open in June 2023 in the first place, they all just ended up landing there. Pixar usually locks mid-June for a movie years in advance, and the movie could be anything, be it ELEMENTAL or TOY STORY 5. It just so happened to be ELEMENTAL... Maybe they should've moved it, just to be safe...

So, opening weekend could make or break it... But the legs will be the most important thing... And we don't know what those will be like... We have to know first and foremost, come opening day... Did audiences like it?

LIGHTYEAR got a not-so-hot A- CinemaScore, and had abysmal legs thereafter... STRANGE WORLD from WDAS was the rare family friendly animated movie release to score less than an A...

It's hard to gauge off of two animated sci-fi action movies, which have a history of... Not making blockbuster totals meant to cover ludicrously high budgets... Just ask TITAN A.E., ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE, and TREASURE PLANET. WALL-E was a sci-fi romance movie with cute robots, and that did very well. Also had that Pixar goodwill that was very strong back then. The name's not a guarantee anymore.

How do I think ELEMENTAL will do?

Animated movies that aren't sequels are usually kind of hard to track, and they seem like they'll do okay-ish at first... Until the week of release, the tracking shoots up... And word-of-mouth kicks in after opening day...

So, $28m for ELEMENTAL could very well be looking like $40m minimum within a week of its release... Opening at Cannes this coming week, if the picture is acclaimed, will look nice too. I don't see why it can't open below $40m, the only thing that could hurt it is just SPIDER-VERSE and LITTLE MERMAID being out, and families having to make tough choices. Adults w/o families will be the ones to get, if they're not as choosy. The romantic comedy angle might just make it a date movie.

Not the first time that happened... That's what Disney took total advantage of during the Disney Renaissance in the early '90s, pushing BEAUTY AND THE BEAST and ALADDIN as date movies for young adults... Oh, and it paid off nicely... A lot of people tend to overlook this, but... It's *adults* who make animated movies huge, too. Not just "kids dragging their parents" to the cinema. If that were the case, every kids' movie would be a FROZEN or MINIONS-sized blockbuster. No! Those movies make so much because a lot of adults like them, too, and there's stuff in them that appeals to adults. A novel concept, I know!

A movie like THE BAD GUYS didn't need to worry about that, being a much lower budget endeavor, ditto DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS. Even Illumination's movies don't have to worry about that, either... But Disney Animation and Pixar? They gotta hook everybody if they want to make back the $150m+ they spend on each and every movie. LIGHTYEAR seemed to turn families away and had a hard time getting adults, STRANGE WORLD seemed to appeal to no one. ENCANTO dealt with Delta and Omicron, RAYA was still a bit too early to be a theatrical release. SOUL, LUCA, TURNING RED, all straight to Disney+ releases.

It's like each new Disney animated movie release is some kind of test... ELEMENTAL is next line, and WISH will follow... And do I think ELEMENTAL can get that adult appeal?

I think so. ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE already has it built in (projections are saying $85m minimum for the opening weekend, which sounds about right, could go even higher), but does anything else coming out in June other than INDIANA JONES have it? I think audiences are largely burnt out on the Autobots, THE FLASH comes on like some big NO WAY HOME-esque event for DC but I sense a real "who cares?" aura around it, plus superhero fatigue seems to have kicked in... That's about it? RUBY GILLMAN seems muted and quiet, it probably doesn't need to make a blockbuster gross... It's very possible ELEMENTAL is the most appealing June release to... Normal people.

Online, it looks like some crap generic Pixar movie... But normal people? Who aren't there for TRANSFORMERS 7 and a DC movie that happens to have Michael Keaton Batman in it? They might be digging it. For what it's worth, when I caught the trailer in theaters before GUARDIANS VOL. 3, I heard some of the adults in the crowd laugh at the funny bits.

It's kind of a wild card, but I have kind of a good feeling about this one. Maybe... Or, come late summer, I'll be eating crow on here. I'm sure Disney Co and Pixar don't want it to fail. Especially since the smarter of the two Bob CEOs came back, the very Bob who wants to focus much more on theatrical releases than sending massive-budget movies quickly to Disney+.

So, rough prediction. Around $40-45m on opening weekend, very solid legs, over 3.5x multiplier, $140m minimum domestically and double that overseas, $400m+ worldwide finish. We shall see...

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sabakos · 2 years

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So the mountain dew thing I posted the other day is um. Hm. I'm going to turn reblogs off on that actually. It's very good I posted it and got to see people's reactions and I think I made some people laugh with how I presented it, don't feel bad if you reblogged it. but uh. yeah. Not only is it unfortunately true, if anything I downplayed it a bit and left out the parts that weren't funny. Which I now realize I don't really want to think about every time I check my notes tab for the next few weeks. I never kept count but I'm pretty sure I spent more than just a few nights in high school curled up in pain in front of the toilet. I lost over 50 pounds in a year from that.

Kind of maybe also some not-so-unintentional self-harm was going on there I think. It fits in a pattern with some other past habits of mine that I don't post much about because, well, I don't want to turn this into a trauma blog. If you really wanna know, I was a high-functioning alcoholic until age 26. Like, rarely sober outside working hours, most of my calories from alcohol level. End-stage. Due to other personal issues ("wait sabi, weren't you in a serious LTR then?" yes and also my mom was in a psych ward, we don't have time to unpack any of that), I quit drinking cold turkey in 2019 and realized looking through old pictures on my phone that I barely remembered most of what happened in college, let alone anything before that. I don't even know if it's technically amnesia, so much as dissociating so severely from my past. I had a "bit" of a major mental collapse in fall 2019 after quitting drinking as my mind slowly remembered how to have emotions, real clutch scheduling that right before a global pandemic.

Thankfully due to doing nothing for two and a half years, I remember most of college now, and I've been able to recover almost 3 full years of high school from basically fragments in the past year alone. My liver doesn't hurt anymore. I'm also physically repulsed by alcohol as a result of the withdrawal. But it's starting to get back far enough to start reminding me of the previous mental breakdown that I had in middle school that made me almost get held back in 8th grade. I... might decide I don't need to know about anything before that for a little while. Not sure I actually have the ability to make that decision though. It will work itself out nonetheless, it will just be less pleasant.

I've actually almost never actually been suicidal or intentionally thought "oh I'm doing this to hurt myself." But I'm not just shitposting about the whole body dysphoria thing, beyond any gender stuff I just also would prefer not to deal with being a body. I hate every photograph of me as soon as I take it, I can only bear to look at any of them once enough time has gone by that I can trick my brain into thinking it's not me. I believe I drank alcohol for the same reason I drank horrifying concoctions in high school and still sometime make too spicy food or eat so many sour patch kids and takis my mouth bleeds. I only hated the stomach cramps in high school because I didn't know why I had them, but when I finally vomited so hard I puked blood and burst blood vessels in my face, it felt good. I enjoy pain, I like the feeling that my body has been hurt when I'm the one directly causing it. I'm punishing it for existing. I know a couple mutuals of mine probably know exactly what I'm talking about based on their own posts. I also know now that I'm doing this, and that I need to stop doing it. I'm not too worried now that I've figured this out.

But also I think for the first time I can remember, I actively want to continue to exist. I know on some level that I need to accept that that will include my body and not just living out my social life on the internet. I... like other people, not just in a flirty way, and I know I'm saying this on Tumblr of all places but I promise if I ever meet any of you I'm one of the weirdest fucking interesting people you'll ever meet because it's what people are telling me all the time. I'm really shy and don't know how to initiate an interaction with a stranger, but if you can get me to say anything at all, I talk endlessly in my (apparently, strange) voice, I hold my body wrong in distracting ways, I abruptly change topics when I'm not supposed to. None of this occurs to me at the time I'm doing it, and I do know how to act correctly in any situation, I'm just wholly incapable of doing so. But somehow this reads as charming and eccentric rather than horribly rude to most people I meet? People tell me I'm the strangest person they've ever met as a complement. I don't really know why.

All the memories I've recovered have contradicted my past beliefs that I've always struggled to make friends. I think I just... didn't notice? But dozens of my peers consistently made the decision to go out of their way to spend time with me almost the whole time I knew them. I don't think that was out of sympathy, I sure wasn't the Special Ed kid. So I think I actually had close friends almost my whole life from age 10 onward, many of them even? all despite the fact that I wasn't really capable of consciously reciprocating a lot of the time, and that I totally forgot in the years since that some of them even existed until later. So I want to do that again somehow, have a bunch of people I know in real life that I'm close friends with. And actually realize it this time. And I hope I'm not deluding myself with what I remember, though I've been able to independently corroborate enough that I don't think so.

Anyway if anyone was curious, that's... most of my whole brain problems deal from the parts of my life I remember. Or as much as I can condense into a post anyway. Much of it was in fact rather happy and I usually present things in a much more positive light. This post was just not about that.

#personal #really long #dddne #no more on the tags sorry

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lia-jones · 2 years

Text

Resistance - Evol: Chapter 26 - Home II

Author's note: Hello beautiful people! I come late but bearing gifts! Due to time constrictions, and because my chapters keep getting longer and longer, I have decided to only post every two weeks on Tuesday. It's the only way I can actually assure at this point to deliver content in a timely and consistent fashion. I hope you do understand.

I watched as Owen played with the waves, letting them softly kiss his tiny feet only to run away from them, giggling. I believe that before me and Victor, Owen had never seen the ocean. For me, the ocean had always been a big part of my childhood.

You should always greet the ocean before diving in, my mother taught us, her fingertips gently caressing the salty water. It will know you respect it, and it will welcome you and protect you.

And she laughed as she watched us play in the wet sand, the waves kissing us with the same sweetness they were kissing my son, as she took another drag of her usual cigarette. I couldn’t help but smile at that memory as well, moved by the simplicity and sweetness of all the things that mattered back then.

A much different reality now that she was gone. I was still shaking, my body echoing the tremble in my father's voice, telling us about the patient who came to visit my mother in her office with a gun, saying she hadn’t been able to quiet the voices in his head. He did the job himself, afterwards, his dead body joining my mother’s on the bloody floor.

According to the police and some witnesses, the whole situation didn't last more than two minutes. And I bet that for 1 minute and fifty seconds all my mother cared about was to help him. And for the last ten, the ones when she knew it would be her last, I know she thought of us. I wondered what she thought about me. The weight of unfinished business weighed on me.

The truth was, I didn’t know the faintest thing about my own mother. My family didn’t know anything about her either. She had lied to all of us, the woman I trusted with my life, the one I ran to when I needed solid ground, she had lied to me. About who she was. About who I was. To everyone.

But now that she was gone, it hurt not having the time to make amends. It almost felt petty to hold such lies against her. Because one thing I did know about my mother, an undeniable truth that no lie could taint: She loved me. And now that I was a mother, watching my son playing with soft waves as the tide rose, I could feel how she felt about me and my brother. And despite what I said in a moment of anger, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my son.

“Mom, look at this seashell!” My son ran to me, handing me a somewhat large cone shaped seashell. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“It is.” I smiled, taking it from his tiny hands to admire it. “Do you want to know a secret?”

He nodded, wide eyed.

“Seashells hold stories from where they’ve been.” I pressed the seashell against my son’s ear. “Can you hear the ocean? Like when you’re deep under water?”

“Like when I’m swimming with Dad and I dive real deep.” His mouth hung in astonishment as he paid attention to what he was hearing. “It sounds exactly the same.”

I smiled fondly, remembering how once it was my mother holding a seashell against my ear.

“I wish Dad were here to listen to it too.” Owen pouted slightly, giving me a dirty look. “He would have come and play in the water with me.”

“Well, about that, I need to talk to you.” I patted on the spot on the blanket beside me. “Sit down, Bug.”

My son gave me a puzzled look, but did as told, waiting patiently for me to start.

“If Grandpa asks… maybe we shouldn’t tell him about my and Dad’s experiment.”

“Why not?” Inquisitive brown eyes focused on me. Oh boy.

“Well, because it’s kind of a complicated story, and maybe Grandpa wouldn’t understand and worry. We don’t want to upset him.”

“Why should he worry?” Owen shrugged. “It’s only temporary, you’re not getting a divorce.”

“Exactly.” I felt my heart speed up slightly. “And I don’t want him to think that, so maybe-”

“What if he asks?”

“We say Dad stayed in Loveland because he was very busy with work, as usual.”

“But that’s lying.” Owen frowned, a slight accusatory tone in his voice. “Dad stayed in Loveland because you told him not to come, he wanted to help. Do you want me to lie?”

“You are right, lying is a bad thing.” I admitted. “But sometimes we do bad things because we want the best for the people we love. You can understand that, right?”

He paused, wearing the very same expression his father wore when pondering something.

“Yes, I can.” He nodded.

“Because you are the brightest boy I have ever met.” I kissed his forehead. “And I love you very much. Now, want to race me inside the house?”

The smile he gave me before bolting inside the house almost made me forget about the pain. Almost.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Pedro was cremated last night.” My father threw casually as he was making toast. I was by his side cutting fruit for breakfast.

“Who’s Pe…” And then it dawned on me. The man who killed my mother.

“I forgot to tell you, the police called me yesterday saying his body would be released. They scheduled the cremation right away. They didn’t even have a wake.”

“No point in mourning a murderer, I guess.” I answered dryly, my knife hitting the wooden board hard, echoing my frustration. “So they released his body, but not Mom’s? What a joke.”

“It’s an ongoing police investigation, Andy. That’s why it’s taking a bit longer. We need to be a little patient, that’s all.”

“Patient my ass, that sergeant is going to hear from me about this.” I started pacing, too worked up to stay still. “They won’t release my mother’s body, they won’t let us into her office, what for? There is no need for an investigation, we know who did it, that son of the bitch killed himself before we could bring them to justice!”

“He was sick.” My father held my arm lovingly, trying to calm me down. “He was desperate. Your mother would’ve wanted-”

“My mother would’ve wanted to be alive! She would’ve wanted to see her grandkids grow! She would’ve wanted to grow old with you! She would’ve wanted-”

I was interrupted by my father’s arms enveloping me in a bear hug. And at that moment, I was 8 again, and he was my Dad, my fortress, holding me steady. I wrapped my arms around him, waiting for the tears to come, but they simply wouldn’t. My heart refused to hurt him with my hurt.

“She would’ve wanted to apologize.” My father spoke. “She would’ve wanted to call you, and make amends. And she did, Andy. She never told me what happened between you two, and I have a feeling you won’t tell me either, but she loved you and thought of you every single day. And she forgave you.”

I looked up, reading the exhaustion and pain in my father’s eyes while he selflessly gave himself and forgot all about himself, so he could be there for me.

“How can you be so strong?” I pressed my face against his chest, wrapping my arms tighter around him.

“That’s what your mother would’ve wanted.” His voice shook slightly.

We broke the embrace and cleared our throats as we heard Owen enter the room.

“I’m hungry.” Owen mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Fruit and toast for my little red haired bug!” My father exclaimed, putting on a bright face. “Although your mother did a number on the bananas.” He showed the cutting board with the bananas I practically smashed in anger.

“It’s ok, I bet they still taste good.” Owen shrugged. “Do you have any honey?”

“Let me pour some for you.” My father poured the honey on my son’s toast, drawing a smiley face, just like he did to me when I was a child. “How’s your father, by the way? When is he coming?”

I froze, staring at my son, silently begging him to keep our secret.

“He’s not coming, he is too busy with work.” Owen shrugged as he bit his toast, making me deflate in relief.

“Between LFG and LCG and all that happened with Kasey, we thought it was simply not wise for Victor to leave town. He regrets not being here, but we still have a lot of issues to solve.”

“Life goes on, as it should.” My father smiled at me. “A man’s duty is to take care of his family.”

“Actually, he really wanted to come, but Mom wouldn’t let him.”

“Owen!”

“What do you mean, your mother wouldn’t let him?” I was about to answer, but my father raised his hand. “Let the boy speak, Andrea.”

Again, I felt like I was eight, caught red handed with the cookie jar.

“Mom and Dad are doing an experiment, because Mom needs to focus at work. She moved to another apartment, and I stay with Mom and Dad on different days.” He gave me an angry look. “But now it doesn’t even make sense, because you are not working! Why didn’t you let him come with us?”

“Is this true?”

“Yes, we have been…” I paused, choosing my words carefully in front of my son. “Living in different places for a while now. I didn’t want to worry you with it.”

My father watched my son as he calmly ate his breakfast.

“We’ll discuss this some other time.” He gave me a stern look, letting me know I wasn’t off the hook just yet. “You said you were going to the police station, see how the investigation is going?”

“Yes, I should go right now, actually.” I grabbed my purse, welcoming the chance to flee. “Do you mind if I take your car?”

“Take your mother’s.” My father walked to the hallway. “Let me get you her keys.”

“I know you told me not to say anything, and I disobeyed.” Owen whispered. “But sometimes we do bad things because we want the best for the people we love.”

Before I could retort, my father entered the kitchen again, handing me a set of keys.

“Will you be ok with him?” I asked, nodding towards Owen. “I can ask Josh to pick him up. Maybe you should get some rest.”

“He’s my grandson, of course I will be ok with him.” He ruffled my son’s curls. “Besides, this little guy and I have a lot to discuss.”

Which didn’t mean anything good for me. Even if Owen didn’t want to talk, my father would find a way to make him spill the beans. A skill he had learned from the very best of inquisitors, my mother.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean the morgue hasn’t released her body yet? It’s been three days already! It was a gunshot wound, you found the weapon, you found the culprit, there’s nothing more to investigate!”

“Lady, I already told your father, this is no longer in our hands.” The sergeant raised his hands apologetically. “Apparently what happened to your mother caused quite a commotion, and other entities were involved.”

“What other entities?”

“I am not at liberty to say.”

“Can I at least go to her office and get some of her personal belongings? She kept some banking information in there.”

“I suspect you won’t even be able to get close.” The sergeant sat down heavily. “The place is taped and heavily guarded. Whatever your mother or that patient were up to, we will find out soon enough.”

I paused, gathering my thoughts. Could this have something to do with her Evol?

“If they suspect my mother was involved in something, why hasn’t my father been contacted yet? Why aren’t they asking her family?”

“Mrs. Lee…” The sergeant gave me a grave look. “I honestly don’t know.”

Whenever my mother had a patient dealing with the grief of a deceased loved one, she would often use the term closure. That’s what they always came for, closure. The end of the chapter, the end of the pain, a brand new beginning. And then she would add, closure is impossible. There is no vacuum left when someone dies, something always stays behind, be it the words that remain unsaid, the projects that weren’t finished, a family that loves them and that will continue on, but always with their absence. In my mother’s case, especially because I knew things about her that no one else knew, closure was surely unattainable. And it felt like I had been left with this heritage, these actions which brought repercussions we were surely to feel, and I knew nothing about. Worse, I didn’t know how to deal with them.

I looked around inside my mother’s car with brand new eyes, to all the things that belonged to her, all the faint traces she had left behind, trying to assess who she really was. But I kept being drawn to the things that tied me to her, like the radio button I broke after a session at the therapist recalling my abuse, or the macaroni necklace I made when I was 4, which she hung on her rearview mirror. If Victor were here, he would know what to do. But I had been adamant in leaving him behind.

“I’ll postpone all my meetings for the next few days and get the jet ready.” He spoke as I packed my bag. “I’ll go home and pack, I’ll meet you here in half an hour so we can take the jet.”

“Victor…” I hesitated. “Look, I’m really thankful for you letting me stay for the night at your apartment and supporting me but…” I looked him in the eyes. “This is something I need to do by myself.”

I could see in his eyes he wanted to argue back, he wanted to insist on coming with me, but he kept silent. After an agonizingly long pause, he finally spoke.

“I understand.” He nodded, looking down. “But at least take the jet. It will make the long trip easier on you and Owen.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. “You don’t need to stay here and keep me company, I know you have better things to do.”

“You’re my number one priority.” He asserted. “Always have been, always will be.”

“Victor…”

“Always.” He declared. He took a step closer, holding my shoulder like he was silently begging me to look him in the eyes. “No, Andrea, you need to listen to me. I will respect the space you’ve requested, but on one condition: If you find yourself in a difficult situation that you can’t resolve on your own, you will call me and ask for help. You don’t need to go through this all alone. I’m here.”

“I know, but-”

“Remember when Mina passed away?” Gray eyes locked with mine, sharing a memory. “You gave me the space to mourn, but you never left my side. I want to pay you in kind. And don’t even dare say things are different because we are separated, because they are not. Whether you’re willing to accept it or not, my feelings bind me to you. This is an unbreakable bond, Andrea. I will always be by your side, even from a distance.”

He answered at the first ring tone.

“What on earth have you been doing?” He scolded me. “It’s been two days since you left!”

“You could have called me if you were worried.” I defended myself. “Are you seriously mad at me over this?”

“I was respecting…” He let out a sigh. “Forget it. How are you? How are things going?”

“I’m fine. Owen is also fine. He’s with my father now, otherwise I would pass him the phone.”

“I can call him later for that.” Victor paused. “Anyway, I’m glad you called. Thank you.”

“Yeah, I…” I bit my lip, planning in my mind what I would say. If I mentioned the word Evol, Victor would jump from his desk into a plane right away.

“Yes?” He urged with a soft voice.

“I could use your help, actually. The police is not being very cooperative in releasing my mother’s body for us to cremate. I don’t know what else to do, maybe the legal team could get some more information on how to proceed.”

“I will meet with them as soon as we hang up. I promise you this matter will be over by the end of your day.”

“Thank you.” I sighed in relief. At least I could do that for her.

“Anything else?”

“No, that’s huge already. Thank you.”

“You already said that. You don’t need to thank me. Just tell me how you are doing.”

“I’m fine. I’m doing fine.”

“You already said that too. Actually, you’ve been saying fine a lot.”

The truth was, even I didn’t know how I was doing. Whatever was there to feel, I was pushing it down, deep inside me. My goal was to help my father and to honor my mother like she deserved. I didn’t matter, and whatever feelings or issues or doubts I had didn’t matter either. I just had to keep going and do my best. So I answered in a way I was sure my husband would understand.

“My mother died.”

“Yes.” He paused. “I’ll call you as soon as I get an answer from the lawyers. Let me know if you need anything else. I lo-”

I pressed the End button before he could say it, my heart running a thousand miles per second. And then it dawned on me, what I really needed. I needed him. The one thing I refused to have, and I didn’t even know why anymore. In light of my mother’s death, none of what had happened had any weight.

I drove through the city, busying myself with errands, planning my mother’s funeral, confident that Victor would keep his word. After an hour, I got a call from an unknown number. It looked like it was from a landline in Lisbon, probably some contact Victor had sent out to help me.

“Estou?” I answered hurriedly, in Portuguese.

“Dr. Lee?” A vaguely familiar voice sounded on the other side of the line. “I hope I’m calling at an opportune time.”

“It’s me, yes.” I frowned. “How can I help you?”

“It is my understanding that your mother passed away recently. I am calling you to present my condolences.”

“And who are you again?”

“My apologies, I forgot to state my name. I am an old acquaintance of Victor’s, we met at your office, right after the release of the first part of your study, do you remember? Lucien Xu.”

I was silent for a moment, astonished by the way he spoke, like he hadn’t thrown some serious threats at me and my family, like he didn’t have a connection to that shady organization, like he was just some old friend, calling to pay his respects. I put him on speaker, my fingers swiping swiftly over the phone, typing Victor a text. He must have sensed my panic, because he spoke in a much softer voice.

“Dr. Lee, I must assure you that I wish you no harm. In fact, considering the present conjecture, you can truly believe I am a friend, not a foe. I’m certain your husband has his reasons to distrust me, but I can guarantee you the reasons that caused us to become opponents no longer exist. We are on the same side.”

I paused, staring at the phone, the unsent message staring at me from the screen.

“Why the change of heart?”

“A paradigm shift. A few years ago some important information came to surface, and what once was simply ceased to be. However, the stakes are much higher now, and at this point of the game, the pawns have either been defeated or put aside. The strongest pieces are at play now, and I’m afraid they won’t be deterred as easily.”

“Is this the part when you say it’s not a threat, it’s a warning?”

“If my determinations are correct, you must be aware by now of your true nature, which means you must be at least somewhat aware of your mother’s actions. However, I also estimate you are probably unaware of your mother’s true motivations.”

My finger hovered over the Send button, pondering my choices. Fight or flight?

“What do you know about my mother?”

“I know her death wasn’t a violent crime committed by a patient. Your little outburst at that island was enough to draw the attention of some very dangerous people. They found her through you.”

I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice sound as calm as possible.

“Alright, Dr. Xu, you caught my attention. And I’m pretty sure you’re not in Lisbon for the pastéis de nata. When do you want to meet?”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The smart thing to do would be calling Victor right away, telling him that if Lucien Xu was trying to reach me, he could also be in danger. From Lucien’s cryptic words, it was clear that Black Swan was still active, and not neutralized, like Victor thought. If he was in any danger, I should let him know right away, give him time to prepare himself for any potential attack. But my gut and my reasoning seemed to agree on one thing, if BS was out there and involved with that man, their focus was on my mother and me. I didn’t know how or why, but Lucien seemed to know a lot more about my mother than I did, and I wouldn’t let the opportunity to get that information slide. I couldn’t tell Victor, he would have forbade me to come, he would come and get me himself, but he wouldn’t allow me to go.

On the other hand, this could also be a trap, and I was deliberately putting myself in great danger. And if that was the case, I didn’t want Victor to be close either. I would be the only casualty.

I froze by the door of the café, spotting him through the glass panes, sitting in the back of the room. I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my heartbeat. I had no reason to be afraid, he wouldn’t dare hurt me in front of all those people.

“Impressive.” He smiled as he watched me sit down, facing him. “For a moment I didn’t think you would come. But it was obviously foolish of me to expect anything else.”

“You talk like you know me.” I gave him a bitter smile. “You don’t know me at all, Dr. Xu.”

“I know what you are capable of, even if you don’t know it yet, Dr. Lee. I know the extent of your power, what you can do with your Evol. In due time, you’ll see it for yourself.”

I felt like an easy prey, being played with before he delivered the fatal blow. I sat up straight in my chair.

“That still doesn’t answer why you are here, Dr. Xu. You say there was a paradigm shift, you are a different man now. What are your true intentions, then?”

“To honor the dead. Mine and yours. You see, we are bonded by our parents' past. One could even say we are family.”

“Our parents?”

“You must remember them, I’m sure. They were the ones that gave you those injections.”

I remembered the gentle man that held my hand and gave me lollipops. And after a while, I could see the resemblance. They even had the same soft polite voice.

“I do remember my mother telling me they were trying to leave Black Swan, while you do their bidding. I guess the apple did fall far from the tree this time.” I clenched my fists in anger under the table. “Do not try to fabricate a common ground using our families, Dr. Xu. You’re wasting your time trying to feed me such lies. I can’t speak for your parents, but I know my mother didn’t have any connections with Black Swan. If anything, she was trying to save me from them. She was trying to save me from people like you.”

“I have no intention of hiding my ties with Black Swan.” He calmly stirred a sugar cube into his coffee. “It felt like a heritage before, but now it’s only a necessary evil. You see, one must dwell into the dark cave to see just how dark it is. Your husband understands this idea very well. Your mother did too.”

“You know, I came here to find some answers about my mother, but now I realize my mistake. You say you know her, but you don’t, at all.” I stood up. “This was clearly a waste of my time. Do as you must, I’m leaving.”

“I know she dove deep into the cave like no one before her, just to save someone very precious to her. And in order to do that, she had to become one of those you hate so much.”

“My mother was a therapist.” I spat back.

“Your mother was a spy, one of the best Black Swan had ever seen. Her codename was Psyche. If you know what her Evol was, you’ll know how fitting the name was.”

“You’re lying.”

Lucien got up suddenly, his hand taking mine, forcing me to sit back down.

“Your mother risked her life repeatedly and gave it willingly so you could be saved. Don’t waste her sacrifice on the account of your clueless stubbornness.”

“Sacrifice?” I couldn’t help but raise my voice, even if slightly. “It wasn’t her sacrifice. It was of the children she left to die in that God forsaken orphanage. You talk about her like she was some hero, when all she did was cower away and hide, leaving others to their misfortune.”

“She was a hero!” He gritted through his teeth, his kind eyes now looking dangerous. “You have no idea of how many lives were lost because of you, and how it is to carry that weight. You don’t understand how special you are, and how you can potentially affect the destiny of many others, including mine. It’s time you learn your place in history, and live up to the role.”

“The role? What the hell are you talking about?”

Lucien kept silent, straightening his clothes, his dignified stance returning to him little by little.

“Maybe it was a little naive of me to think you’d take my word for it.” He brought the coffee cup to his smiling lips. “But fortunately, you won’t have to. As a true scientist, even if one of the mind, your mother always kept her studies very well documented. But I’m sure none of this is new to you.”

“What about it?” I was starting to lose my patience with this man.

“It is known she has documented everything that happened, every single detail of her past, for an event exactly like this one. Many people are looking for your mother’s journals as we speak. Why do you think it is taking so long for her body to be released and her office available for you to reach?”

My eyes widened. Of course he would know about this. Black Swan was behind it. By asking Victor to help me, I had put him in danger.

“It is time you honor all that was lost because of you.” He got up, dropping a ten euro bill on the table. “Should you fail to do what you were destined to, or try to run away from it, I will have no choice but to hunt you down and kill you.”

“Finally, the threat.” I smiled bitterly at him.

“As you expected, it is not a threat, only a warning.” He gave me a resolved look. “Dr. Lee, don’t take any of my words lightly. I am a friend.”

“A friend who will kill me if I don’t play his game.”

“Dr. Lee, make no mistake.” He bent towards me, his face closer to mine. “If we ever come to that, you’ll be the one begging me to put you out of your misery.”

#mlqc li zeyan #mlqc victor #victor mldd #love and producer fanfic #victor mlqc #growingtogether #mister love queens choice #victor x oc #love and producer #mlqc fanfic #mldd victor #li zeyan

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annbourbon · 4 months

Text

January.

Summary:

I decided to give this a try because I love writing on my diary (I stopped a while ago but maybe I'll start again, tho I'm not going to post it here ofc.) but... I definitely feel too exposed by doing this so it's not going to happen again. I have no filter.

These weeks have been hectic to put it kindly lol

I've been sick. I made a quick recovery. Went to the hospital like, three times. Will be back to the hospital tomorrow. Another check up and study. I'm so glad it's free because otherwise idk how I would be paying for all those things.

Last week - From January 7th to January 14th

I'm so angry... and embarrassed too because I actually bought a $5 bucks green tea but it tasted like cheap boiled water or smth 😭😂

Most expensive crap ever bought. Emphasis on crap. Yeah that's the most relevant thing 🤣 ahh and...

I'm writing.

Highlights: I'm now on Ko-fi! >< so excited!! Plus, I started selling soaps and I'm definitely starting strong this year.

This week - From January 15th to 21

I'm back to my ballet classes though, and I lost some weight~ *happy dance* and I'm selling my soaps ✨😌✨ I feel like I'm achieving some kind of superpower. I'm definitely becoming the person I want to be.

... ..........

Uh... almost lol

I'm reading the Bible. I swore to never touch that book again once I went out of school (went to catholic schools during a long time) but I'm back and I'm reading it. Literature skills and all that. I was advised several times that I should read it. So I'm back to it. My parents though... 💀 they're looking at me like I grew out two heads or smth... which is funny AF. Understandable though, considering how much I'm against it.

Genesis it's kind of heavy. I have had to put it down several times to not get bored and sleep on it. Probably for the best because I would end up drooling and the Bible is too pretty for that....

I'm not used to take that long reading a book. I went through the Catholic version first because it's the one I have at my disposal but downloaded a couple of apps. One NIV skipped several things through the Genesis. So many things it pissed me off because I thought Genesis was all about people being born and living way too long like if they were vampires or something. Turns out it's because of the version I'm reading. I tried the CBS but it was insufferable. I'm sorry. Finally I went through the KJV and found myself enjoying it so much I could spend the whole day reading it.

That's when I realize I need a physical copy of it. So I'm buying one. Went through Amazon and found a pinkish Bible. I can't wait to receive it and fill it with my studies~ meanwhile I find myself... bewildered because I'm actually enjoying something I thought I would never (?) Watching it as mythological stuff is different. Even my notes are really random and funny. But I don't want to offend anyone beliefs here so I won't be posting them. I am a firm believer in the good messages that the Bible has, just not, into it as religion.

Anyways~ one of my doctors is such a hottie... I feel like I'm in middle of a KDrama around him... even my mom likes him and calls him "handsome" lol

And there's a good reason for that... he's such a sweetheart around me. 🥺 I know he's only doing his job but I can't stop liking him. He's so touchy it makes me nervous but not in a bad way... it's just new... hope he never reads this lol

Highlights: The yellow dress I asked for has arrived. Finally.

Week from 22 to 28

I'm skipping ballet classes this entire week 😭🥺 I'm back with hospital appointments. I probably won't be here long enough and won't have enough energy to write. These appointments make sure my energy is drained. Like, completely.

I'm also on a sprint to create as much soaps as possible 😉 Valentine Day here we go!!!

Highlights: The transporter for my cats has arrived!

/^♡^/ I have spent all week training them to go on walks together. Soon I'm updating with pictures ^^

Week from 29 to 4th February

I was going to take bus routes... part of me refuses to feel like it's a downgrade. I'm feeling like taking buses will enhance the feeling of an MC on a kdrama or a Ghibli character (depending on how I'm dressing up) but instead I downloaded Uber lol because I'm spoiled and I would say lazy but nope! I have time to read or study while I'm in the car. That's why I haven't learned how to ride yet.

I finished with the soaps and I'm selling them at my school. I'm already making some money with this but expecting to make some money with my stories too. Which is why I've been working so hard on this. To go back to write again while the soaps are selling themselves. And before you ever think about me making a promo on my stories, mmmm yeah i'm not sure because I'm too busy. But maaaybe?

Anyways one of my teachers stand me up this week without notice. I got really pissed because I lost money and time because of that. I never felt so bothered by something like that but now I understand what my nom was talking about being punctual and responsible. Guess I'm an adult now since I'm the one paying for the uber *sighs* my mom also got stand up by one of my classmates. And it was raining. A lot. I don't hate rain. It made me feel nostalgic, but my annoyance was huge so I didn't get to enjoy.

Highlights: Nothing really. Ohh~ we're finally buying a treadmill.

#annabourbon #danteann #diary #anna diary

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xythlia · 11 months

Note

Also, let me just catch up with you rq! I remembered that I completely forgot to congratulate you on your birthday, so happy belated birthday I guess 😭❤️ Uni has been kicking my ass, especially the commute between my home city, the city I study in and the city where I am working on my doctor‘s study/thesis 🥲 Idek if I have ever told you, but last year me and a few other students were sent to the other end of the state to continue our education in another hospital there. All those years before I was living with my parents and just commuted to Uni (which is in the city where I am working on my thesis rn), but that was not possible anymore. Luckily I got an apartment in the student dorms there (which belong to an entirely different uni, but they were kind enough to offer us rooms as well), but it was so fucking bad. Not the apartment itself, mind you, just the rest. My student dorm was basically at the other end of the city, I had no car, and the buses drove 2x per hour and would often not come at all. There is no direct connection between the dorm and the hospital, so you have to take the bus to the inner city and then take another bus there. I had to walk to the hospital more times than I can count, and that‘s a 5km walk, so you can imagine how I arrived to my lectures. I had courses and training the entire day, and would often arrive at like 7pm in the evening, completely exhausted. Add onto that that it was winter (🫠), so the days were short, cold, and the weather was unpredictable, and I had to cook and keep up the apartment + the commute to my home and thesis city. The people there were SO unkind, some didn’t even greet me and would not even wait a few seconds to keep the door open for me, even though they could see I was carrying a big pack of water bottles. I was blogging from the trenches back then 😭 I applied for the other student dorm in the inner city, right next to the bus stop for the bus to the hospital, since all my friends live there, and to combat the loneliness I had experienced during the winter. They approved, and I moved in at the end of March/beginning of April. It’s sooo much better here, the people are kind (we even have a chat group on WhatsApp), the apartment is smaller and has an objectively better atmosphere, and I save so much time now. I also managed to get closer to my friends and actually go out with them/ invite them over for coffee.

On a more positive note, my friend and I managed to get tickets for Hozier in December 🎉 I told my BFF, because we discovered Hozier back in school together and have always promised each other that one day we will go to one of his concerts together, and she and her roommate (who also went to school with us) managed to get tickets as well, sooo we’re making the whole thing into a vacation 🫶🏻 (for clarification: My BFF lives in the same state as I do, just in a different city and often has to commute to Berlin for her studies/work since the program she’s enrolled in is a so-called ‘Duales Studium’, a concept that is, I think, exclusive to Germany. We rarely get to see each other, but we text almost every day.)

I currently just want to finish the exam season so I can have my two weeks of peace in Bosnia in August 🤘🏻

I think those were all the big updates on my life 😄 I should make more of my own posts so I can keep people updated in real time, just like you do 😵‍💫 I am so sorry for the way your bf’s mom treated you, that was so disrespectful and uncalled for. I also feel sorry for your bf for having to apologize for her actions. People who have no filter and no shame are the absolute worst 🫠. I hope her words didn’t hurt you too much, and that I am proud of you for getting to a weight where you are happy and content with yourself ❤️

omg anesa <333 ty for the belated hbd but im sorry schools been kicking u around that commute sounds so bad oml especially w rude ppl to deal with on top of it. its really good tho u were able to transfer somewhere way better and reconnect with ur friends! & OMG U GOT HOZIER TICKETS?? a lil concert vacation sounds so fun i hope u guys have an awesome time!!! ^⁠_⁠^

ahskahdsk my bfs mom is absolutely certifiable so it doesn't bother me too bad (and tysm for being proud too of my happy weight! being in recovery has been the best choice i ever made for myself) i felt so bad for my bf & his dad too it was like damn spending basically ur whole lives dealing with someone else's crazy behavior & constantly apologizing for it just sucks so much. But that's probably why he became a therapist lmao

#𓏲 ࣪₊ 💭 \ inbox #seeing hozier in december sound SO magical like his music is one of my go tos in winter months #i know u huys are gonna have the best time & u def deserve it after dealing w all that bs with ur university

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amjustagirl · 3 years

Text

Love knows not its depth (until the hour of separation)

pairing: Kuroo x f! reader genre: angst / fluff, post timeskip! warnings: a tiny smudge of suggestive content wc: 4.9k m.list ~ taglist. ~

a/n: this is my rendition of a grown up Kuroo. life has been a little hectic for me recently, so i’m only getting around to posting it now. pls be kind and i hope y’all love it <3

“I need a break.”

Kuroo continues to snore. You are unsurprised he doesn’t hear you. After all, he came home glassy eyed, smelling strongly of alcohol after yet another night of drinks with his boss before quickly falling asleep in bed. It’s what he does most weekday nights, leaving you alone at home to manage your two daughters and tuck them into bed.

“I’m tired, Tetsuro.”

You are too tired to even tell him how you feel. You have a career of your own, two daughters to raise, a never ending list of chores and errands that must be done. You are a mother, a wife, a career woman. You have so many roles to play yet there is no space for you.

You must do something, anything or risk your heart imploding in your very chest.

You cannot survive that.

The next morning, you call your boss, ask for a day off. Then you pack your girls off to your mother’s place with two little suitcases with toys and clothes enough for a long weekend before you take the train to Hakone, check yourself into the ryokan with a view of Mt. Fuji that you spent your honeymoon at - except this time, you’re alone (but then again, you’ve been lonely for so long, you hardly notice the difference anymore).

You dip yourself into the hot waters of the onsens, watch bamboo sway in the breeze. It’s been at least a year since you’ve been even able to take a bath uninterrupted. There’s always something - Aiko needing help with her homework, Fumiko whining for another piece of mochi, your boss calling to chase for yet another report, so all you’ve ever had time for is a hurried shower before placating your daughters or seating yourself in front of your laptop to deal with your boss.

Finally, you’ve stolen a day to yourself. It’s absolute bliss.

The water is kind to you. Its heat soothes your aching muscles, the rising steam steadies your breath. You walk out of the baths feeling refreshed, renewed, but when you enter your room you find Kuroo Tetsuro waiting for you.

“I’ve been calling your phone all afternoon”, he says, face pinched. “I was worried.”

“Were you?” you say before you can stop yourself. “Really?”

“Of course”, he says, uncrossing his legs to stand. “You’re my wife and the mother of my children, of course I care.”

Wife. Mother. Employee.

The roles that life has handed you haunts you again. There is no escape for you.

Your skin suddenly feels as if it’s stretched too tight over your frame. Your bones rattle, brittle. They threaten to break if you take another breath. Yet you laugh and laugh and laugh, the sound spilling from your lips filling the room, suffocating the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears.

“If you really cared, you would have noticed that your wife is broken”, you tell him between bouts of laughter. “I tried fixing myself with a break but you can’t even give me that.”

Kuroo stares at you, equal parts horrified and confused. He takes a hesitant step forward towards you before thinking the better of it, swerving over to the kettle instead, clutching it as if it holds the cure to your madness.

“Calm down”, he says, “take a seat”, and you do. He offers you a cup of tea. You accept it, even though you’re still shaking from the aftershock of your laughter. “Drink”, he says, and you bring the cup to your lips, though you wonder absently why you taste salt in the bitter tea.

“Tell me what’s wrong”, he begs. “Tell me what I can do to fix you.”

You want to tell him that you’re not strong enough to do what’s expected of you. You want to tell him that you’re drowning from the weight of being his wife, the mother of his kids, from being a working woman that he can be proud of. You want to tell him that you understand his career is important, but so is yours, and you can’t carry the weight of the world alone.

But that would take too many words, and you are far, far too tired for that.

So you say blankly - “I can’t do this anymore, Tetsuro.”

His face falls.

You should remember that Kuroo Tetsuro, first and foremost, is a child scarred by his parents’ divorce. You should remember that you made promises that you and he would never put your daughters through that. But you’ve floated beyond hysteria into a grey indifference, your mind too broken, too tired, too numb to consider him when you can barely even hold on to yourself.

You don’t even notice the hot tears soaking through your yukata. You are deaf to his pleas to give him another chance. There is nothing left in you to give because you’ve poured all you’ve had into him, into your family, into your job. You are so, so empty, and you just sit and sip your tea and wonder idly if the warmth from the liquid you’re ingesting will make you feel a little more alive, or if it’s possible to ease the dull ache in your heart.

It is only when you wake up the next day and the sun is high in the sky that you register that he rolled out your futon for you, tucked you into bed, and kissed your forehead as a goodnight and goodbye. But all of this is washed away by the relief you feel when you read the note he’s left behind telling you that he’s returned to Tokyo, and to enjoy your break.

So you do.

You relish every bite of the meals you have at the ryokan. It’s nice not having to cook or scarf down your food at your office desk for once. You fill your time flitting between the onsens and curling up in your room with a book, taking frequent cat naps until tomorrow comes around again and it’s time to check out and head home.

There’s a brief moment of surprise when the reception informs you politely that your husband already paid your bill - but you suppose that’s just Tetsuro being efficient at racking up credit card points. The bullet train takes you back to Tokyo, and a couple stops on the subway takes you home.

“Okaeri”, you call softly out of habit, not expecting anyone to respond, but Kuroo responds with an even softer ‘Tadaima’, striding over to take your bags from you and usher you into the apartment. There are pink roses sitting in a vase, but you pay it no mind.

“The girls?” you ask, already headed in the direction of their room.

“I picked them up from your mom”, Kuroo responds. “Don’t wake them up, I just put them to bed”.

A peek into their room and it settles your mind to see that your girls are safe and sound asleep.

“Thanks,” you say, back in the kitchen, checking the fridge for what you can whip up for breakfast for you and the girls tomorrow. “By the way, I’ll pay you back for the hotel room from my own money, don’t worry.”

“It’s fine”, Kuroo answers, scratching his head. His hair seems a little more rumpled than usual. “I’ll cover it. I should’ve realised you needed a break.”

“You sure? You don’t have to pay for me, I’ve got money of my own.”

“No, let me pay for it, please. It’s the least I can do.”

You shrug. “Okay”, you say gracelessly. “Thank you.”

He continues to watch you over the kitchen counter as you lay out bread, eggs, ham, cheese. It’ll do for a quick breakfast for the girls tomorrow, never mind the guilt eating away at you that you really should do better than feeding them processed food all the time. You’re so preoccupied with planning the morning rush, the best way to clear the stack of reports that must have piled up on your desk at work by now that you miss Kuroo rounding the counter to stare down at you worriedly.

“You haven’t had dinner?”

“Oh no, I had a bento on the train on the way back.” It’s second nature to you to brush away anyone’s concern. “It’s for the girls’ breakfast.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take them to childcare before work tomorrow. Sleep in and take a break.”

“Really?” You stare back at him, confused. He doesn't even take charge of the girls in the mornings when you’re sick, your mother always has to fill in your place. He only ever turns up on the first day of school each year.

“Yes, of course. In fact, I’ve rearranged my work schedule so I can take them to school all of this week at least.”

“Oh”, you say, brows furrowed in confusion. “Okay, I guess. Wake me up if you need my help.”

“I won’t”, he replies, with a cocky smirk that seems almost false. “Goodnight, love.”

You don’t think of Kuroo’s strange behaviour overmuch, falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.

Kuroo continues to act strangely all of next week.

As promised, he takes charge of getting the girls out of bed and ready for school. But you’re taken aback when he starts coming home for dinner, completely floored when he hands you a whole armful of bath salts and orders you to take a relaxing, hot bath while he wrangles both the girls and the washing machine into submission.

He even calls your mother to ask her to babysit on a Saturday evening so he can take you out for dinner at a fancy restaurant that serves foam instead of food. You manage to stumble through conversation with him - a commendable effort, since it’s been so long since you’ve even held a proper conversation with him besides snatches of discussion about the girls.

At least until he states during dessert - “we can make it work if you want to quit your job and stay home full time with the children.”

The mousse on your spoon melts by the time you put it down on your plate.

“Did the guys at work tell you it’s easier to have a housewife instead of a working wife? Are you saying this because you don’t think I’m a good enough mother to our girls? Is that what this is about?”

Kuroo shakes his head frantically, reaches across the table for your hand, but you yank it away with a glare. The extra rest you’ve gotten this week has injected a little more fight in you.

“I try my best to be a good wife and mother, but I’m sorry I can’t be perfect and be there for you and the girls 24/7.” You press down on the sliver of cake with a vengeance. Clink! goes the flat of your spoon against the porcelain plate. “I’m sorry for being selfish, but I don’t want to be reliant on you.”

You regret your harsh words when Kuroo slumps back into his chair, murmuring “I just wanted you to be happy. Forget I ever said that.”

He pays the bill and you walk home in silence. He bids you goodnight with a crumpled smile.

It finally clicks when you are startled awake by Kuroo’s shout of alarm.

You roll over, grabbing his shoulder to shake him awake from the nightmare that has him in its grip. His eyes jolt open, and the sight of your face makes him sink back into the pillow with a sigh of relief.

“Thank the gods you haven’t left.”

“Why would I leave? This is my home, isn’t it?” You mumble, turning your back to him again.

You feel the bed shift as Kuroo sits up.

“No”, he rasps, voice rough with sleep. “I was afraid you left me”.

Oh. So that’s what all of this is about.

You must stay quiet for far too long, because he gingerly crawls over to you.

“Dearest”, he says, your heart suddenly aching because you don’t remember the last time you heard him use that pet name with any amount of affection. “Darling”, he tries again, pawing at your back. You shut your eyes resolutely and refuse to turn to face him.

He doesn’t give up, even though the distance between you seems to yawn wide and wider with each passing second.

“Are you?” he asks, his words small, shrunken in the still, dark room. “Going to leave me, I mean.”

No, you’re about to say, the word balancing at the tip of your tongue but it feels wrong. Your break has given you the space to breathe, the time to think. It’s made you realise what you’ve said to him in the ryokan that night remains true.

This week has shown you that Kuroo can do better as a husband, as a father if he wants to. But he’s poisoned your marriage with neglect, forced you to dress up your sadness in silence, allowed your resentment to fester and simmer into frigid indifference. If you reassure him that you aren’t going to leave him, it’s only because you’re too tired to, not because you actually love him anymore.

“I don’t know, Tetsuro. Our daughters deserve to grow up with both their parents, but I’m not sure I want them to learn from my example that it’s okay to shoulder the weight of marriage, parenthood and a full time job all by themselves. Your dreams and career are important, I know, but I’m just so tired of being alone in this marriage when it was always supposed to be a partnership between me and you.”

You hear him choke back a sob. You should comfort him, but the exhaustion you feel at being honest with him, with yourself, weighs your bones down, forces you to sink further down into your mattress.

“I’m sorry”, he finally says.

“I’m tired, Tetsuro”, you whisper brokenly, clutching the blankets to your chin. “I think I deserve better.”

“I know. I’ll make it better, I promise.”

You want to ask him how, but your eyelids grow heavy, and you allow yourself to submerge into slumber.

You’re not sure what to expect, but the ground beneath your feet shifts. Things start to change.

Kuroo continues to take your daughters to childcare in the morning on the way to work as he did last week. That very weekend, he straps Fumiko to his chest, takes Aiko by her hand, and within an hour at the department store aided by a flash of his credit card, he purchases a dishwasher and robot vacuum for the house. He loads the dishes without you asking, runs the robot vacuum remotely once a day. It buys you time to breathe, a little more time to sleep.

He doesn’t always make it home in time for dinner, but he tries his best to rush home so he can read the girls a bedtime story and tuck them into bed.

“Dada”, Fumiko lisps, chubby fists wound around Kuroo’s tie. ‘I wanna hear another princess story!”

“No Fumiko! Papa promised to tell us how he met mama!” Aiko prods Kuroo’s side with the wooden doll Yaku sent from Russia that you know he abhors. ‘Keep your promises, papa!”

“Alright, settle down you monsters. I’ll tell you two stories if you promise to go to sleep right after that.” The girls cheer. “Now. Let’s see. A long, long time ago, your papa met your mama when she decided to beat him up because she thought he was trying to steal her food.”

“You were trying to steal my food”, you interrupt, leaning against the doorway amused. “You didn’t stop til I stabbed you with my fork.”

He glances up, surprised when you sit beside him on the bed. Then he grins.

“You left it on the table, dearest. What was a guy supposed to think?”

“Mama, please let dada tell the story”, Aiko interjects with a huff.

“Hurry up, dada! I want the princess story next!” Fumiko pulls at her silly dada’s shirt, pouting.

You both laugh. There’s a soft smile playing on his lips when his eyes meet yours.

Travelling all around Japan is still part of his job as a marketing director of the Japanese Volleyball Association. But now Kuroo pares it down to the bare minimum, makes sure he’s always back by the weekend at the very least to sweep the girls in his arms and shoo you off for a break of afternoon tea with your friends or shopping with your mom.

“Will you be ok when I’m gone?”

You hand him his suitcase, a flask of his favourite tea. “I’ve always managed fine. Nothing’s changed.”

He bends down to kiss Aiko on her forehead, pinch Fumiko’s cheek playfully.

“Yes. Well. I’ll come home soon”, he says, quietly. You startle slightly as he brushes his thumb over your wrist, lets it drift over your pulse point. “Please wait for me.”

You glance up at him from beneath your lashes. “I’ll see you soon then”, you reply. His smile widens, his eyes are hopeful, bright.

On the weekends, he stops flitting off for work functions and events. Instead, now he joins you for lunches at the kaiten zushi near your house, indulging the girls by ordering yet another plate of sushi just so Aiko has another chance to win a toy from the gachapon and Fumiko has another chance at feeling grown up when she lifts the plate from the conveyor belt. He stops ducking out from dinners at the grandparents’ place - both his and yours. Your mom stops giving him dirty looks when he actually turns up more than three times in a row with sake in hand.

Once every so often, he even throws little parties for your family of four, going so far as to buy a frilly pink apron that makes your daughters giggle when he whips it out for the first time. After a few mishaps (and a number of frantic calls to Fukunaga), he masters how to make takoyaki and okonomiyaki, and in the colder months, he makes steaming pots of nabe and shabu shabu.

“Itadakimasu” you murmur, and the girls follow suit. “It tastes good”, you say.

He ducks his head bashfully, pink dusting the column of his neck.

“Thank you”, he replies. “That means a lot, coming from you.”

You start to savour the bubbles of happiness in your chest when you see how your daughters’ eyes shine when they see their papa whip out the pink apron. You learn to laugh when you hear the pitter patter of little feet, their delighted squeals and shrieks when they tell you the latest exploits their silly papa is cooking up - sparklers under the stars one weekend, a nerf gun fight, the next.

The weight on your shoulders grows lighter and lighter until one day you hardly notice it at all.

“What’s wrong?” you frown at the sight of your husband dashing out of your bedroom, hair a frazzled mess.

He whips around at the sound of your voice. “Oh. Oh.” He approaches you, slowly, carefully. “You’re still here.”

Your frown deepens. “My boss called and asked me to send out an urgent email. I was just about to go back to bed. Tetsuro, is everything alright?”

He nods. “It’s fine - I just... I just woke up and thought you were gone.”

You take a closer look. It’s dark, but the shadows of the night fail to hide the purple smudges beneath his eyes, the fine lines carved into his brow. His shoulders are bowed, his lips downturned and he looks broken, battered.

Your heart hurts for him.

“I’m here”, you say, beckoning him towards you. Physical affection has been scarce between you two for so, so long but he looks so distraught it’s only natural to pull him close, let him rest his head on your lap. “I’m here, Tetsuro. I’m not about to run off into the night – you know I don’t like the cold.”

He doesn’t laugh at your feeble joke. “Are you happier now? Are things better for you?”

“Yes”, you say firmly, combing your fingers through his hair, rubbing circles along his back. “Thank you, Tetsuro. I appreciate it. I really do.”

You can feel him sag in relief.

“You don’t have to work yourself to the bone for me. That’s – that’s never what I was asking for. If you’re tired, you need to take a break.”

He shakes his head stubbornly. “I’m fine. I can bear it as long as you don’t leave me.”

“Tetsuro –“

He sits up abruptly, takes your hands in his.

“Promise you won’t leave me”, he begs, head bowed. “I know I’ve been a shit husband to you for so long. It’s no excuse, but I thought - ” he swallows heavily, waits until his voice stops wavering. “I thought we were ok, ‘cos we didn’t fight, not like my parents did before – before my mother left.”

“I was too tired to fight with you”, you say simply.

He nods once, jerkily. “I know – I know that now. When you disappeared that day, I didn’t know what to do. I went to your mom’s place and she reamed me out, screamed at me in front of the neighbours. I took the kids back, and it made me realise how fucking hard it was for you to do it all alone.” He inhales, closing his eyes as if the memory aches. “I know it’s late but I’ve changed, I swear. The girls need you. I need you. I’ll do anything as long as you stay.”

His fingers are freezing, but you do not pull away. Not when the desperation reflected in his irises makes your heart lurch in pain.

“It was hard”, you confess, and he shudders, struck in the chest by your honesty. “It was so hard, Tetsuro. You hurt me so damn much that I think I became numb to the pain. I don’t think I was really functioning for a while. For a long while.”

“I’m sorry”, he whispers, and you nod shakily.

“I know”, you reply, reaching out a hand to cup his face, a bittersweet twist to your lips as he melts into your touch. “That’s a chapter of my life, of our marriage that can’t be re-written. We can’t rewind that. But the past few months have been so different. I – you’ve shown me you’ve changed. And I think –“

You fall silent.

He prompts you. “Dearest?”

You recall the glimmer of light in your daughters’ eyes every morning when he takes their hands to walks them to school. You hear the echoes of their laughter, the lilt in their sweet voices every night when they welcome him home. You think of the tea parties he throws, the blanket forts he builds, the frilly pink apron he wears without shame and the bedtime stories he weaves every night.

“I think”, you say, with a smile that reminds him of the rising sun. “I think we can make this work again.”

He stares at you until the weight of your words dawns upon him, and he surges forward to fold you into his arms.

“Thank you”, he whispers into the shell of your ear. “I won’t fuck this up again, I promise.”

“Don’t thank me, you silly man”, you nuzzle into his neck sleepily, draping your arms around his waist. “Thank yourself for making me believe in you.”

He laughs wetly, cradling you close as you fall asleep against his chest, soothed by his heartbeat and the tenderness in his gaze.

Fumiko wakes you up unceremoniously before the sun even rises by climbing into your lap, and you open your eyes to Aiko pouting, hands on hips, demanding to know what’s for breakfast, and dada, dada, make a ham sandwich, pretty please with a cherry on the top.

“You guys are little monsters”, Kuroo teases with dancing eyes. “Can’t even give your papa a break to snuggle up to your mama.”

The girls shriek in dismay. “Don’t be mean”, you admonish him gently.

He mock sniffs. “I’m cranky in the mornings unless I get a morning kiss.”

Aiko and Fumiko crowd the sofa, clamouring to give their papa a kiss, but he stalls them with an imperious wave of his hand.

“This morning, only a kiss from your mama can chase my crankiness away”. His tone is teasing, but his shoulders remain tense.

“Nonsense. You make it sound as if kisses contain caffeine”, you scold, swatting his arm lightly as the girls giggle.

“Yours do!” he protests, and you roll your eyes as you press your lips to the corner of his lips, laughing when he puffs out his chest and declares his day can now start, that everything’ll be as right as rain.

Some days are full of sunshine, whilst others are full of rain. That’s life – but it’s bearable, enjoyable even, now that you and Kuroo face each day together, thanking the sun when it shines, and splashing through puddles on rainy days.

Things recalibrate.

The mornings are his domain now – he’s a master at concocting the most random breakfast items to satisfy your finnicky daughters. Aiko sniffs when she informs you that she’d prefer her papa to braid her hair, thank you very much, and when you shoot a look of death at Kuroo, he can’t even keep his face straight, his trademark hyena laugh erupting from his chest.

You cook dinner in the evenings, appreciating the times when he can join you at the table, not counting the nights he can’t against him because you know he’s trying his best. The girls clamour for his stories every night, laughing when he teasingly scolds them for yanking on his tie, demanding goodnight kisses from both him and you.

Now you force Kuroo to take some time to himself, shoo him off for lunches with Kenma, get-togethers with his Nekoma schoolmates. “I know you can manage it”, you tell him archly, “but you need breaks so you don’t burn out, or worse – you’ll lose your hair and we don’t want that”. When he opens and closes his mouth without a smart retort, you smirk. You get your way.

Both of you organise parties and playdates, inviting your shared friends – Kenma, of course, is a frequent guest, Bokuto, who brings along Akaashi and his sweet tempered little son (who Aiko always manages to pick a fight with, much to Kuroo’s amusement). You host Kai, who always brings offerings of flowers from his garden, Yaku, when he’s in town with his daughter, son and alarmingly fat cat. The adults congregate in the kitchen with food and alcohol, cracking good natured jokes at Kuroo and his frilly pink apron, watching the children cause a ruckus in the living room.

But you cherish the quiet moments you share with Kuroo at night when the children are asleep in bed. The chats you have whilst soaking in a hot bath about your day at work, the snippets of stories he shares about his boss, his crazy colleagues, the warmth of his arm around you as you stay up to clear emails late into the night, the heated kisses he presses to the nape of your neck to distract you when he thinks you’re working too hard.

It’s a good life. You’re happy, and so is he.

A year slips by.

The seasons come full circle. You return to the ryokan, finding peace in soaking yourself in steaming pools, watching the bamboo sway, the sun rise over Mt. Fuji. But this time, you’re not alone. You persuade Kuroo that he, too, needs a break - deserves one, truly. So you leave the girls with your mother and take the bullet train down to Hakone.

He shoots you a smirk as you both emerge from the private bath he’d insisted on booking. You swat at him, pulling your yukata higher up your neck, scowling as he winds an arm around your waist to press you into his side.

“You couldn’t wait til we got back to our room?” you hiss at him.

He chuckles lowly in response. “Didn’t hear you complaining”, he retorts.

“We were in an onsen, Tetsuro!”

“A private one”, he says with a waggle of his eyebrows, laughing aloud when you try and fail to slap your hand over his mouth. “What d’you think I was going to do with my lovely wife? I’m not a monk, sweetheart”

You try your best to shush him, but his cackling manages to capture the attention of everyone in the lift.

“What a happy couple”, an old lady remarks, within your earshot. “They must be newly married”

You think she must be a little senile. Or a little blind.

Neither of you are in your first flush of youth anymore - there are streaks of grey in Tetsuro’s mop of hair, extra weight in your hips and lines in your faces. No one could conceivably mistake you for a pair of newlyweds.

“Nah”, Kuroo drawls easily into your ear. “Just your regular old, married couple.”

You don’t speak until you’re safely in your room.

“A regular, old, happily married couple”, you say, as he hands you a cup of tea. “That obaa-san got that part right at least.”

Kuroo chokes on the lump of emotion in his throat as you serenely sip your tea.

The tea tastes bitter (as it always does), but the kisses that follow are so very, very sweet.

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