#not unless things in my life go very Very wrong. aka there's no longer anyone who cares about me level of wrong. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

impostoradult · 4 years

Text

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me:

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

All of that bothers me tremendously.

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up.

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out)

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday.

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered?

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all.

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™.

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written.

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this.

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER.

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV.

Not ever.

I can’t think of ONE example Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna.

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes.

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing.

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct.

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough).

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough).

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough).

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough).

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging.

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents.

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely.

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!)

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail.

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place.

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again.

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime.

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn.

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder)

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

#Supernatural #Destiel #queer representation #sorry this is long

8K notes · View notes

the-original-skipps · 3 years

Text

Fluffy Alphabet A-Z

Sano Manjiro aka Mikey

Note: Thank you so much for 100+ followers. I wouldn't have been able to get his far without your support. I'm super overjoyed and glad that you guys take the time to read my writing. I love you all very much as promised I hope you enjoy the fluffy alphabet! 💗

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

> Mikey likes to go for rides on his CB205T and he likes to bring you along. He just loves the feeling of the wind passing and your presence behind him. Maybe sharing some snacks while you both watch the sunset or the starry night sky, talking about random things. He just generally likes being around you even if you're both just sitting in silence.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

> He admires your determination and strong will. Since Mikey is mentally weak, he admires those traits in other people. No matter what you'd always be there to scold him or comfort him. It reminds him of his older brother.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

> Mikey instantly knows if you're feeling down, he just senses it. He'll bring you somewhere where they could both be alone maybe a park or he'll drive somewhere and sit you down. Mikey won't force you to tell him what's wrong but if you do he'll be listening intently. He's not the best at comforting people but makes sure to let you know that he's here for you.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

> Now this is a hard topic to answer. Mikey has pictured a future with his s/o, living in peace after all the rush during his teenage years. However, he doesn't see it happening because he knows it's best if he keeps his s/o away from him in the future.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

> I'd say he's both but mostly on the passive side. He lets you take the lead since he doesn't know much about being in a relationship. He'll be given advice and teased by his close friends but he'll keep their words in mind.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

> Mikey is pretty stubborn and doesn't like losing. If it's a petty harmless arguement, if he's wrong then he'll muttering an apology to you and completely forget about it. It's difficult to get into a serious argument with him unless it's something concerning him or Toman. Say the things he needs to hear even if himself doesn't agree with you. Then he'll leave to give himself space and think about things. Be patient with him because eventually he'll come around.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

> Mikey is very grateful for you being by his side even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He appreciates every gesture you do for him from the big things and to the little things such as making him lunch or fixing his hair or just being by his side when he feels he's losing himself.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

> Mikey doesn't hide things, if you ask him something he will directly answer you. He has no trouble talking about a past event since it already happened. Even though he doesn't want you getting involved with Toman, he still tells you about how they're doing or what they're up to. The only things he wouldn't share are his true feelings and his dark impulsivities since he doesn't want to scare you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

> Just by being by Mikey's side you are a positive influence on him. It will take a long time but little by little he tries to open up about his true feelings and tries to rely on you more. Everytime you sense he's distancing himself, you would have to drag him back and knock some sense into him.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

> Mikey is definitely the type to get jealous easily and his childish tendencies tend to come out. If he sees you getting too friendly with someone he'll keep staring until he's had enough and say "(Y/N) is mine, hmph!" With a cute pout on his face. Be sure to coddle him afterwards because he might give you the silent treatment.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

> Mikey has no experience whatsoever. He has no idea how kisses work. It'll be super rare to get a kiss from Mikey since he's not used to being affectionate. If you're lucky he'll peck you on your cheek or kiss your hands occasionally. Your first kiss with him wasn't planned. Both of you were alone and you were just admiring him as he talked and pressed a light kiss on his lips. He was instantly shocked by what you did as he traces over his lips with his fingers but inside he's feeling all warm. He never knew kisses from you would have this kind of affect on him.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

> It took long time for Mikey to realize that what he felt towards you was more than just friendship. He confessed this to Draken and he replied "huh, obviously you like them you idiot. Hurry up and go tell them." In which Mikey replies by telling Draken to do the same for Emma. It happened when he came to pick you up from school one day on his motorcycle and brought you to the riverside. "I finally understand what I feel, (Y/N). I like you... You don't have to give me an answer right away, I'll wait however long it takes..."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

> Another hard topic to answer. When Mikey fell for you he fell hard. As much as he wants to spend the rest of his life in peace with you, it won't happen. That is until he goes through "certain changes" and let's say he did. You'll be riding with him on his motorcycle on Christmas until he stops at a certain place. He'll start talking about his past and the times you've spent together. Then talking about how much he appreciates you and thanks you then pops the question. The wedding will be small and privately held with only people close to him and you are invited.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

> It is known that Mikey gives nicknames to those who are close to him. It depends on what your first name is. He'll most likely you use the first syllable of your name plus -chin, -cchi or -chy. Only when he's serious will he use your real name.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

> Honestly, it can be really hard to tell unless you really observe Mikey. You would notice he stares at you longer, or everytime your name pops up in a conversation he's interested. Draken is definitely the first the notice this change in Mikey and teases him for it, while Mikey denys it. The others will slowly start to notice this too. Especially, when he bought an extra taiyaki and gave it to you. Takemichy's jaw dropped at the scene.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

> Mikey won't be announcing to everyone that he has an s/o. However, if someone asks he'll answer honestly. I wouldn't use the word "brag" but he will say nice about you to others. For Mikey, intimate gestures such as kissing are only between the two of you. If someone catches the both of you, Mikey wouldn't be pleased.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

> You wouldn't have to worry about anyone trying to flirt with you or trying to hurt you not when Mikey's around. Mikey cares deeply about you and would give his life to protect you. You wouldn't have to worry about other people trying to flirt with Mikey either since you already have his heart, he'll simple brush them off. He's loyal.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

> As I have mentioned earlier, Mikey has no experience with relationships. You would have to teach him things. Still there will be moments that might seem simple to others but to you, you know it's a way Mikey shows his love for you. For example, draping his jacket over your shoulders or buying an extra snack so you could have some too. If he's not busy with Toman matters, he would want to spend his time with you.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

> Mikey would genuinely support your dreams and passions, telling you to never give up on them. He believes in you with his whole heart, and he knows you would be able to make your goals come true.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

> He would like to try things he never experienced before with you, like taking pictures at the photo booth or going shopping for matching keychains. That being said, what Mikey likes the most is the constant reassurance that you're here for him. Routines like going riding on his motorcycle or just talking with you, it what he like most. He's scared that one day you'd leave him so these mundane routines assures him.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

> You would think Mikey is the forgetful type but he actually pays attention to things. He'll notice you eyeing a certain item in a store or if you're lying to him. He genuinely cares about you and would like to know everything about you, even the shameful parts. Mikey has a hard time with emotions, he may not fully understand your troubles but he'll assure you that he'll be there for you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

> For Mikey to actually want to establish a relationship with someone. It means he sees you as an important person in his life. However, certain things would have to come before you such as his family and Toman. It is something you would have to understand when dating Mikey.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

> Whenever he looks like he's spacing off during Toman meetings while he is paying attention to what's happening his mind can't help but wander towards you. About what you're currently doing or if you're at home safely. Before he starts the engine of his bike, or has nothing to do he fiddles with the keychain on his keys. It's the matching keychain you both have.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

> Mikey is not known to be the most showy when it comes to showing his affections. It's the little things he does for only you, that shows how much he cares about you. Mikey secretly likes the affection you give him even if he denies it. It surprises him everytime you hug him or kiss him but he never stops you or tells you to stop. Just don't do it in front of Toman. Even if he doesn't want to, cuddle him as the big spoon and it'll make him really happy. Since he's so used to keeping a strong facade, cuddling with you gives him the impression that with you maybe he doesn't have to do that.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

> Mikey will still act as the strong charismatic leader of Toman, where nothing fazes him. He won't outwardly show that he misses you but you can tell by the way he fiddles with his matching keychain or stares off into the distance that he misses you. He might even unconsciously blurt a quiet "I miss (Y/N)...."

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

> Mikey is willing to give his life away to protect you. Just you being with him is dangerous enough who knows who might be out to get him and easiest way they can do that is by getting you. If your safely is at risk even he likes you he would have to break up with you, keep you away from the danger. Because he utmostly cares about your well being and if anything happens to you, it will destroy him.

#sano manjiro #mikey tokyo revengers #mikey x reader #sano manjiro x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo manji gang #tokyo manji revengers #skipps writes

622 notes · View notes

an-sceal · 3 years

Text

My Fic

All stories are on AO3, and each is carefully tagged. My style is very much character-driven angst, with a side of "Oh gawd, why am I laughing at this?" So you know, kind of like life. If I've made characters work for something, be it love, redemption, or just the idea that they deserve a future, I will provide it at some point. I don't do bleak, unless it's temporary. I am also sad to report that I'm a himbosexual, I love Daniel LaRusso and think he needs to try an edible, and I think Amanda could do better but support her in her desire to get as much karate dilf action as she wants.

Cobra Kai/Karate Kid

Standalone: A Means, A Way, A Plan - Johnny knew he was never going to get parenting right, but he thought if he could get it -less wrong-, that would be something. When he injures Robby during the fight at Cobra Kai, he begins to spiral, but it's okay- he's been there before. (aka Johnny Lawrence's long history with suicidal ideation, and how he learns to live with himself anyway.)

A Longer Table - Johnny, the LaRussos, and food, in sickness and in health. (by request, for @youandthemountains)

King of Gifts - Johnny's not a Gift Guy. (feat. Lyle, everyone's favourite Pawn Shop owner.) My Cobra Kai Secret Santa gift for @chwheeler

trouble child - The life and times of Joni Lawrence, Ace Degenerate.

Series:

In the Night We Trust (series page, ongoing)

A series of stories about consent, kink, submission, and how all those things have made Johnny the man Daniel and Amanda kind of can't help loving. Getting progressively kinkier as they go. Proud sponsor of the Johnny Lawrence Bottom Club. I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No Three the Hard Way Form vs. Function A Banquet on Which We Feed -----

Doubt (series page, ongoing)

It turns out, Johnny did know Terry Silver. He just only ever knew him as Twig, the guy who ruined his life. An exploration of Johnny as an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Doubt of the Benefit - aka, Five people who find out, and one who already knew. Shadow of a Doubt - Johnny and Ali have some beer on the beach, while realizing they have different memories of the same event. Our Doubts Are Traitors - Johnny's a survivor, but some days he can't tell anyone why. Johnny Lawrence's List of Things He's Good At - An excerpt from Johnny's therapy notebook, with additions by Daniel. The Appearance of Doubt - Get in, loser. We're going shopping. Or, Amanda helps Johnny try on different kinds of armor. Johnny Lawrence's Little Book of Dumbass Feelings (Excerpts) - Snippets from Johnny's phone and therapy notebook, set during and directly after the events in "The Appearance of Doubt".

Reasonable Doubt - Johnny Lawrence is going to make someone pay for what he went through. It'd be great if that person could be Twig, because Johnny's broke.

Dutch and Johnny Go to Home Goods (or How to Spend $100 Without Really Trying) - Get in, bitches. We're going shopping. (Again.)

Johnny Lawrence's Sex Checklist - Further excerpts from Johnny's therapy notebook.

Johnny Lawrence's Guide to Sartorial Crisis - I got nothing, Alice. It’s like one of those things, the intrusive thought things, where it’s bouncing around my head and every so often it hits the side of my thick skull and goes, “DING! Put on a skirt, Johnny.”

Dutch and Johnny Go For Broke - Dutch is a goddamn flirt. He’s good looking, in better shape than he has any right to be, and he knows it. He never presses past anyone’s comfort zone, but he flirts with just about everyone he talks to. It’s maddening, because Johnny wants to respond but he hasn’t felt like he should. Except now he’s got permission. He’s even got a text from Amanda asking if he’s made a move yet.

#fanfic #my writing #cobra kai fanfic #karate kid fanfic #johnny lawrence is my trash opossum #lawrusso #lawrussos #all my angst-filled crap in one place #dutch/johnny #joni lawrence is also my trash possum now #ali mills #rule 63

63 notes · View notes

stellocchia · 3 years

Text

Okay, time for another overly long analysis of our favourite green blob with a god complex and traumatized teen!

I will be discussing both the “Trapped in prison with Dream” stream and the “Am I dead?” stream as I think they should be analyzed together, so espect spoilers for those. It also goes without saying that, from here on out, unless stated otherwise, I’ll be talking about the characters and the roleplay only!

So here we go! More under the cut and be advised that this will be a long one!

First of all it’s essential to keep in mind that Dream’s view of his relationship with Tommy is extremely different from Tommy’s. I will be going more into details as the analysis proceeds, but it’s very clear by now that Dream is under the delusion that Tommy’s attachment to him is as strong as his for Tommy.

We have multiple examples of this, but the strongest one (until the revival stream at least) was back in the season 2 finale when he kept believing that Tommy wouldn’t kill him as he wouldn’t kill Tommy. We also have instances like him saying “exile wasn’t that bad, you had me” and his insistence on them having “so much fun together” that all point to the conclusion of Dream believing their game is played on both side.

Tommy, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that he despises Dream entirely. He recognizes that Dream actively makes him a worse person when they’re together and he recognizes that he abused and manipulated him along with many others. Tommy doesn’t reciprocate Dream’s obsession in the slightest and actually seems extremely taken aback any time the green man proposes the idea of them being a theme.

On that last point it’s interesting to notice that the actual idea of them working together (Tommy and Dream vs the world style) is actually something new that Dream introduced with his stay in prison. Proposing they could “escape tigether” when they first ended up stuck there and even more in the two latest streams... Dream’s interpretation of their relationship seems to have shifted from “fated nemesis who have fun together” to “friends”. No, this is not a positive shift, and I’m not framing it as one. Dream’s idea of friendship is as twisted as can be and Tommy has zero say in the matter.

Now that the introduction is done, let’s get to the actual analysis!

Trapped in prison with Dream

So the stream starts with Tommy trying his best to annoy the Hell out of Dream. Then PussBoy is introduced...

One thing to point out is that Tommy seems to fear silence and lonliness over everything (as we’ll see proof of later on), so it’s honestly no surprise that he would not be able to bear the silence for too long.

“The cat is the best thing that’s happened to us” Dream is already sort of shifting from the “me” talk to the “us” talk, which is rather interesting. That also mirrors his “You being stuck here is the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to prison” statement.

Then there is the interaction with Sam where he decided to leave Tommy in there longer in order to solve the issue. We also get a very rare instance of Tommy showing a lot of his vulnerability, talking about exile (though it’s clear he doesn’t know Sam knows as much as he does about exile), which promptly gets ignored in favour of Sam continuing to work on the security issue.

A few seconds after Sam left Dream already burns the new clock. The reason he’s doing it is obviously to keep Tommy in a more vulnerable state of mind by continiously insuring he has no way to tell how much time has passed. All the while acting like it’s no big deal of course. Like his actions aren’t deliberate.

“What if we get out together?” “No, no! Because then you’ll break out with me, I don’t want you to break out with me” Dream already gave a similar proposition when they had just got stuck together and, again, the reason why this is so important, is because it seems to indicate a shift in Dream’s mind between the “me vs you” mentality to the “me and you vs the rest”.

There is then the whole debacle with PussBoy where he’s killed. There isn’t really much reaction from Dream for it (really, Tommy shows more panic about it then Dream does any emotion. Please people, re-watch that scene and stop using the damn cat as a motivator there). “Look Tommy, I’m gonna get out” is literally his only reaction. That and saying that Tommy is and always has been his motivator: “You motivated me, well, you motivate me all the time”. It really couldn’t be clearer here.

“I’ll get out and, when I do, I’ll get my revenge” (...) “On who” “On everyone who’s wronged me” “Oh on fucking everyone won’t you! You’ll go and you’ll kill fucking... you wouldn’t kill anyone would you? You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t kill someone (long pause)... of course you fucking would...” Now, why did I highlight this whole thing? Well, because there’s a lot to unpack here.

1) Dream is still fully of the idea that he was in the right, hence his desire to get revenge on “those who wronged him”. His mentality has not shifted at all so we can conclude, once and for all, that his “meek” act during most of the visit was indeed just that: an act.

2) Callback to Tommy saying he feels like his brain is “wired to be Dream’s friend”, despite having already been killed 2 times by Dream, Tubbo more recently almost dying to him and knowing what he is capable of in general, it still takes him quite a bit to remember that yes, Dream would kill someone, he would hurt people. Tommy still has a hard time admitting to what happened to him and the impact Dream has had on him and he’s not entirely out of Dream’s manipulation (once again, good representation, because you don’t heal from something like that in a month), he is however now better at recognizing it and correcting his own faulty thinking.

“I have a plan” I did not notice this on first watch, but was Dream’s plan to send Tommy to the afterlife from the start? Or, at least, to send someone there so he could study it? It could very well have been. He’s shown in the next stream that he wanted talk to Schlatt immediately asking Tommy about him once he was back. We can’t however ignore that he mentione that “someone who owes him a favour” may be a part of his escape plan, so that feels rather important for the future once he’ll have brought Willbur back to life.

So then there is more of fight that start. Dream is getting annoyed at Tommy’s “whining” and tries to make him see things from his perspective (aka “it’s not so bad because we have each other” again with the trying to establish their “friendship”).

“You don’t have ME, you never have ME, we don’t have each other, alright? I am me and you are this fucking looser who goes around manipulating people and lying to get what he wants” What this is is 2 things:

1) Tommy recognizing what Dream is trying to do, the subtext of what he’s saying and refuting his claims (hurray for the bit of healing he’s had!)

2) Tommy actually recognizing the possessive side of the claims Dream keeps making. I don’t see this talked about that much, but, to Dream, Tommy is most definitely his propriety, just like Tommy’s disks were Dream’s in his mind (remember that speach? He literally referred to them as “my disks”). I mean, he clearly acts like that’s the case, enphasizing time and time again how he has absolute power over Tommy (I’ll go a bit more into it towards the end of the analysis of the other stream, for now though, keep this in mind)

“Even when I’m in here I’m more powerful then you are when you are outside” back on the theme of Dream’s God Complex I see. He seems to like showing off as often as he can “how powerful he is and how powerless Tommy is” (in Dream’s words from the season 2 finale), though that’s most probably to keep enforcing the dynamic that he already established in exile, the whole thing with Tommy being entirely dependent on Dream. He seems to like that aspect of their dynamic as he has expressed multiple times his appreciation for that specific period of time.

“If I wanted to, right now, I could just kill you. And the only reason I’m NOT is because of my friends, for Tubbo, because WE need that fucking revive book, alright? That’s the only reason I’m not killing you” well, I mean, we’ve known this for quite a while. The only reason Dream got to keep his last life was because of Tommy’s attachment to his friends. I’ve seen a few people saying that it was specifically to revive Wilbur and, while that may have been an idea at first, by now he had already shown multiple times that that was not the case (even before spending time with him in the afterlife). When he went to “Wilbur’s revival” (the failed one) he showed that he was already incredibly uncertain about wanting Wilbur back (describing him as “not so poggers” in very Tommyinnit fashion). No, the actual reason why he wants the book is most likely because Tubbo is on his last life and we know he can’t live without his best friend.

“Tommy, I’m never, I am NEVER EVER going to use the revive book to help you or any of your stupid little friends, okay?” So now the question is: was this a lie or a twisted version of the truth?

I’m gonna say the latter and here is why: Dream DID, in fact, revive Tommy. We know this now, it’s canon. But he really didn’t do it FOR Tommy. One thing I want to make clear is this: while Dream may, in fact, consider himself and Tommy “friends” he doesn’t CARE for Tommy himself, not in a way that’s commonly considered as “caring” at the very least. He finds him fun, entertaining and he seems to be rather dependent on him, but NONE of this things equate to caring about HIM. So, now that that’s cleard up, the resons why he revived him in the first place should be rather obvious:

1) He wanted to see if he could and learn more about his power in general

2) As I said before, there is a degree of dependency Dream has on Tommy. It’s very obvious in the fact that, despite having let go of every other attachment, he doesn’t seem able of letting go of Tommy, not permanently anyway. He seems to actually need to have a degree of control over Tommy at all times

“I will never use the revive book. I will NEVER use it on you, I will never use it on any of your friends, I will never use it to save ANY of you” now THIS one is a straight up lie. What Dream was trying to do here was provoking Tommy enough to see if he’d actually kill Dream or not (which was a useful information for him for later). To see if Tommy could bring himself to do it (he can’t)

“I’ll get out eventually because, either you’ll let me out or... people will be dead” way to be ominous green man! We could assume by this point that his plan to escape may have been along the lines of “getting Techno to repay him by killing one of Tommy’s friends therefore forcing him to let Dream out to bring them back”, or something of the sort.

“This isn’t worse then exile (...) because in exile I thought you had all the power (...) here’s the thing Dream, here’s the thing I know: I don’t think the revive- I- how could I be so fucking...? The revive book Dream, it’s not real is it?” Here is where things start to actually go downhill fast. There is nothing Dream hates more then Tommy questioning his power, there is nothing that makes him angry faster (I’m sure the whole “I don’t give a fuck about Spirit” speach comes to everyone’s mind when I say this, as it should). Dream, as much as he presents himself to be a logical mastermind, is actually very emotional in the way that he is very easily overtaken by anger. He does irrational stuff every time he gets mad, that’s no secret. If he wasn’t already planning to kill Tommy to test his power, this push is what convinced him to do it. Also this is the exact reason why he likes Tommy (weirdly enough, their relationship is so very complicated) in the first place, because he’s the only one who’s constantly questioning him and challenging him.

As we know the fight escalated and Dream ended up killing Tommy telling him to ask “Schlatt” about the book. Though before that there are quite a few exchanges were Tommy expresses that he thinks Dream is powerless now and was lying about the book all along because that’s generally what he does and Dream keeps insisting that he’s not lying and that Tommy’s life is still in his hands, that he still has all the power (turns out he wasn’t so wrong...).

Also, last line to analyze from this: “I might as well be a God Tommy! You can’t kill me and I can kill you” pretty sure this is the first time Dream outwardly announces his God Complex and it’s interesting that his idea of power revolves entirely around having power over Tommy specifically. Because, even having power over Tommy’s life he’s still in prison, he stil has no real power of any kind. Everyone on the outside still hates him (aside from the anarchist duo), they still aren’t letting him out. Who comes to see him and what he can keep in his cell is still entirely dependent on Sam and not on him. But the fact that he has power over Tommy is enough to make him a God in Dream’s eyes.

Am I dead?

Fisrst things first, the afterlife part:

It seems that we may be seeing pieces of conversation had at different times. Let me explain myself:

Tommy opens up asking if he’s dead, then he has an interaction with Wilbur that sounds like it could be their first interaction after his Tommy’s death as Wilbur asks how he’s doing.

We know however that he’s been ther for at least 2 months, probably more considering he seems to have interacted with Schlatt, but Schlatt has been comatose for 3 months. We could then assume that what we see is a sort of very short montage of Tommy’s time in the afterlife.

The next scene we have Tommy asking “How long is left?” (we don’t know what he’s referring to, though it could be to his revival) and Wilbur responds saying that, to the end of the Universe it would be still 8 eons. Then Wilbur asks him to play competitive solitary and they randomly chat for a bit.

New change of topic (probably next scene again) we have Wilbur telling Tommy he’s happy Tommy is there (dead) with him as the tw of them were never good for the server and caused all the problems (which we know to be incorrect, but it was Wilbur’s mentality at the time of his death and it makes sense that he would have kept it). Tommy also has a very clear panic attack which Wilbur generally ignores. Wilbur also says that, if he’s brought back to life, he knows for a fact that the server will be in shambles because, in his words: “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue”.

Like it or not people Wilbur is most definitely implying that he knows he wasn’t a good person and that he won’t be different when he comes back. Simple as that. It’s also a further confirmation of his self-deprecating nature that brought him to self-destruct in the first place.

There is another pause that we could consider a cut scene and Wilbur is then talking about making a solitaire arena in a couple of months to an exasperated Tommy

Now for the revival itself:

First thing we notice once Tommy is back to life is that he’s most definitely experiencing a sensory overload. He’d gotten used to living in a colorless dimension with almost no sounds (aside from Wilbur’s and Mexican Dream’s voices I’m guessing) and no sense of touch aside from the constant pain that being back on the living plain may be quite ovewhelming for him.

“So what was it like?” Dream doesn’t loose a beat once Tommy is back before starting to ask him questions. He literally sounds like an eager kid who just got a new toy (and I gotta commend cc!Dream for the voice acting here!). The book worked and now he needs to find out exactly to what extent he can use it (the idea of immortality being on his mind as we’ll see later).

“Void, it was dark, it was all dark” “There was Schlatt, there was Mexican Dream” “There’s so many more drugs then just alcohol” “Mexican Dream, he was there, which was confusing, he was loud. And then there was Wilbur...” “(Continuation from below) and then I came out and I was in a long long hole, a tunnel of black and void, not even black just colorless” “When I was there it all felt so real, but so torn apart. It felt like I was in pieces, like I was stomped on” This is our best description of the Afterlife so far. A static void with no colors or viable sensations, with only 3 known residents now that Tommy is not there any longer. A weird reality with a seemingly entirely different set of rules to our own.

“Death felt like my body was taken apart and then put together and then taken apart and put together here. It felt stretched man” “It felt like I was shredded to dust” “No it didn’t feel goo- it felt like I was put through a shredder, but there was no blood, there was no flesh it was just essence, like a powder and I was put through (continues in previous section)” This is Tommy’s complete description of his experience with death and what it felt like. Having to stay for months with this constant sensation it’s really no surprise he would be so hypersensitive to touch.

“Honestly I was kind of scared it wouldn’t work” So, here we got another indication of the fact that, while Dream killed Tommy in rage, having him stay dead was never his intention (despite him claiming he would never use the book on Tommy a couple of days prior). He never intended to severe his last attachment (I’m honestly not sure he even CAN seeing as how dependent he actually seem on Tommy), he literally only killed him because he was mad Tommy would question him and wanted to prove a point, but to prove his point in the first place he needed Tommy back. It’s also probably why he revived him so fast, his weird need to have control over Tommy, which he couldn’t have while Tommy was dead.

Why did he care so much about Tommy not believing him on the book, you may ask? Was it to save his own skin? It’s possible and I think that’s part of it, others being convinced that the only reason they kept Dream alive was a lie could cause his death. The other reason is that he seems, as I said before, to want to shift his and Tommy’s dynamic to an “us vs the world” type of deal, which would require Tommy in particular to believe everything he says.

We can now add being hit at all by Dream to Tommy’s ever growing list of trauma triggers as he seems to have a very vivid recollection of his death by Dream’s hands... also we need to point out their body language in this: Dream is constantly trying to get close to Tommy as much as he’s constantly insisting on getting more information, while Tommy alternates between getting close to Dream and pushing him away (could be he’s both seeking some kind of comfort, but is also very overwhelmed).

“Tell me, one more time: what was it like when you died?” “Did it feel good?” Dream’s insistence and exitment about Tommy’s very obvious extreme distress is honestly concerning, but expected. By now we can safely assume that he doesn’t really have any empathy, I know, bold claim, but is there any evidence to refute it? Any evidence at all? Because, so far, he has shown a distinct lack of empathy in any and all situations...

Another interesting thing was Tommy’s reaction to Dream’s probing questions: while he seemed to get increasingly distressed by them, he kept answering Dream every time with little hesitation only at times adding on things like calling Dream a monster for the way he was treating him. I honestly think this may have been because he was in desperate need of comfort, and having someone to confide into is part of that. And Dream was the only “someone” he had there.

We then get the whole exchange about how time in the Afterlife is different then in the normal plain of existence. I’ve seen people equate 1 day to 1 month, however that’s incorrect. That was Dream’s wrong assumption but, from whet Tommy said, we can guess that it was much more then that. Frist of all, the first month and 18-20 days Schlatt was still awake and he was the one making them keep count. That said, we know Schlatt has been asleep for around 3 months (we don’t know exactly how much as they lost count). Which means that Tommy’s stay in the Afterlife was much more around 5 months then 2, meaning 1 day in the Real World should equate to roughly 2.5 months in the Afterlife give or take. That is, of course, assuming time there moves in a regular way and there is an actual correspondence between Real World time and Afterlife time, which is not a given.

Tommy keeps asking for the people he find reassurance in (at least we can assume so) which, in this case, are: Tubbo, Jack, Phil, Fundy an Sapnap. It’s a pretty weirdly matched group of people but, apparently, they are the ones Tommy seeks out when he’s distressed. It would be interesting to see an analysis of his relationship with each of them, but this one is not about that I’m afraid.

“Wait shut- shut up! Shut up! Sorry, I’m sorry” Tommy seems to have re-acquired some of his exile mannerism such as being overly apologetic and skittish, together with the lashing out more. None of this are good signs... he had just started healing as well...

“I... I’m a God! I can bring people back to life, I wasn’t even sure that I could, but I can!” Bringing Tommy back to life worsened Dream’s God Complex even further, because now he doesn’t only have power over Tommy, but everyone else as well. And, I mean... at this point he IS basically a God, he’s not even wrong on that.

“Dream, Dream, listen to me. The things I saw, the things he talked about, the things he said he will and the things he WILL do... do not- promise me, never EVER bring back Wilbur! Please, please, please” In case anyone was wondering this is the exact thing Tommy said on Wilbur. He didn’t say he’s worse then Dream here, but he IS bad news, at least if we trust Tommy on it. Wilbur wasn’t only self-destructive when alive, he was destructive in general. He was dangerous to others as much as he was to himself and he DID hurt people. And this side of him seems to only have been accentuated by death.

“Do NOT bring back Wilbur. Ever! Promise me you’ll never do that, alright? Dream, Dream, you are nothing, you’re nothing, you’re fine Dream! We can be friends if you don’t bring him back! You’re not even- all the tragedies you’ve done-” and here’s the part that I’m guessing people are interpreting as Tommy saying Wilbur is worst then Dream which is... a fair interpretation actually (considering that Tommy is not a reliable narrator). Now please don’t get me wrong, Alivebur as he was, wasn’t worse then Dream, but he had years in the afterlife to become even more radicalized in his beliefs. There is also the fact that Tommy doesn’t seem to put the harm done against him on the same level as that done against others: Dream has hurt Tommy worse then Wilbur ever did, but Wilbur’s potential harm against others might be greater in Tommy’s mind then Dream’s. That’s the reason why he’s offering something he knows Dream wants, which is his friendship, in order to keep Wilbur from coming back: because he truly doesn’t care about his own wellbeing as long as others are safe. Of course Dream’s response to this is: "It’s not up to you. It’s up to me because I- I have that control” which is very in character for the green blob with a God Complex

“What if, now that we know, we could send you back and you could figure out-” We can see that Dream has an utter fascination with this whole concept and, now that he knows revival works, he has no qualms with sending Tommy back (no matter how obviously traumatic it was for him) to get further information because, guess what? Death is not in any way an escape anymore. He can simply pull Tommy back as he pleases.

There is then the exchange about burning the book, but, as Dream has it memorized, they would need to kill Dream to get rid of the knowledge, but Tommy can’t bring himself to do it because he’s even more terrified of being stuck alone in the cell then he is of Dream bringing Wilbur back.

“I wanna know about death. We can study it! We can study it together! We can become immortal together!” Again, if there were any doubts on Dream’s constant need of having Tommy under his control, this should dissolve them. There is truly not much more he can do to show how obsessed he is then offering Tommy to be immortals together, especially because we know that the ideal for him would be to have Tommy be completely dependent on him again. To have his favourite puppet under his control for eternity apparently... “I want absolutely fucking nothing to do with you” of course, as we said many times, Tommy doesn’t view their relationship in the same way. Tommy actually hates Dream and truly doesn’t want anything to do with him.

“You owe me your life” “Owe you my life? You beat m-!” Who’d know that Dream had some similar arguments to his apologists huh? But this does show how warped his view of reality is. I mean, he’s fully aware that he beat Tommy to death, but he still think Tommy should be grateful to him for bringing him back.

“Now you can tell everyone that the book exists, that I'm not a liar!” Dream really went hard with the whole God Complex thing, even going as far as choosing his profet huh? Man’s just on a high horse and will never get down...

“Everyone... is my puppet” Welp, this is the culmination of his God Complex. The realisation that he has absolute power of life and death over everyone else. That he can play with them as he pleases. Also, may I add that, for basically this whole stream, he has used the “soft voice” he tends to do with Tommy whenever he’s trying to get him to comply? Like, I’m mentioining it now because it was particularly obvious in this last exchange, but it’s been there on and off the WHOLE time.

“You killed me to prove your own point. You could have just showed me! You could have just- this is so evil. This is- this is- this isn’t like before. This isn’t you’ve blown up and- you’ve put me through torture, through pain, to prove a point, that’s fucked! You can’t do that to me... to anyone!” It took almost half an hour but Tommy has finally come to the full realisation of what happened to him, of why it happened and he’s honestly very understandably distraught about it (though it is to be said that it's arguably quite good that he understands that it wasn't okay for him either to be put through that as he tends to downplay his own suffering greatly). He has been through something unimaginable for us because Dream was upset that he didn’t believe him about the book. That’s all there was to it, that’s all the reason for his suffering. Like, he’s not wrong at all when he describes Dream as a monster, that’s literally the only accurate description of him. No normal person would put someone else through this for such a petty reason.

“You’re soft Dream, you’re soft” Another valid point by Tommy. While Dream IS undoubtedly extremely powerful and extremely clever, he’s also petty, stubborn and childish. He throws violent temper tanrtums every time someone (especially Tommy) disagrees with him and mostly gets away with his bs because he has the power to back them up. That said he hardly ever lost, the only true loss he had was being locked in prison, and he managed to turn even that in his favour! But that’s the think: loosing makes you stronger, it often teaches you a lot and pushes you to get better. He (along with a couple of others) basically never had that. Tommy’s been through literal Hell and he survived that, he knows he can survive that. Dream? He may break at the first real hardship as far as we know!

“I’ll let you free, I’ll let you free alright? We’ll call for Sam, we’ll get him in here, he’ll let you out, but... I’m gonna bring back Wilbur and Wilbur- Wilbur is gonna help me escape” 2 things to unpack here (aside from the fact that he’s using the “soft voice” to say something extremely disturbing again):

1) Dream is, once again asserting his power over Tommy in two ways: by frasing it in a way that implies that it’s up to Dream wether Tommy leaves or not and by confirming again that Wilbur’s resurrection is entirely up to him and that Tommy’s opinion on the matter is utterly worthless

2) He fully intends to use Wilbur as a puppet as well because, as he says a bit later, if he brings him back then Wilbur will be indebted to him

And that’s how it’s concluded!

My closing thoughts on this are that, generally, Dream’s level of dependence on Tommy seems to worsen as fast as his God Complex. man went from telling him that their story “would never be over” to offering him immortality in the span of little over a month. Tommy is Not Doing Good, AT ALL, but I’m hoping he’ll ask for help this time from other people because he literally cannot deal with this on his own. Wilbur will not be good news, but what he’ll do is still entirely uncertain, it is to be pointed out however that, at the beginning, his frasing at a certain point sounded scarily similar to Dream’s idea of “us vs the world” when he said that him and Tommy specifically are the single cause of conflict. I hope I’m wrong there because the LAST thing Tommy needs is another obsessive God-like individual in his life!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

#long post #I'm not jocking this gotta be the longest I've ever written!#tw abuse #tw death #prison arc #analysis #character analysis #dream smp #dreamwastaken #tommyinnit #c!dream negativity #don't know if that needs tagging #god this was exausting to write #I'm spent #utterly deceased #hope it helps those who were still confused though #/rp #my post

194 notes · View notes

shadowhuntertrash · 3 years

Text

tlh gang as funny first modern day impressions for @serene-victory-77

alastair - the first time alastair meets christopher he’s confused as to if he likes this kid or if he is annoyed. he meets him in their chemistry class. he goes through school with his head down because honestly he was really only there for good grades. when he was partnered with the infamous christopher herondale (yes his names was well known around school) he was slightly scared. christopher comes up to his table with a smile on his face and his goggles slight askew on his face. alastair is already leaning toward quirkily adorable. from the stories he’d heard christopher had a bit of a mad scientist rep, so he was happily surprised when christopher was less of a mad scientist and more of an evil genius. he did the experiment perfectly and then much to alastair’s horror, continued without any directions, going purely off his knowledge of the chemicals. when christopher was done he’d made a much more complicated version of the solution they were making and alastair was very thoroughly impressed. the teacher on the other hand, was not. they both got in trouble but alastair found he didn’t mind much. from then on out they were lab partners no matter what and it was quickly becoming alastair’s favorite class.

cordelia - the first time cordelia meets eugenia she thinks she is so badass. here’s this girl who could literally not give less of a fuck what anyone things about her. she has long curly hair that is either always down or put up into a messy bun. cordelia is slightly star struck by this girl who has just plopped herself down next to her in her ap calculus class. eugenia seems to bring a storm with her wherever she goes and immediately draws all eyes toward her. when cordelia looks at her eugenia just winks and crosses her ankles before leaning in slightly to ask if she has a spare pencil she could borrow. they became fast friends which surprised cordelia but literally no one else. they are very different but similar at the same time. cordelia is a badass but she is less obvious about it. she’s kind when she can be whereas eugenia doesn’t really stop to give anyone a chance to catch up with her unless she gets a good energy from them.

lucie - the first time lucie meets matthew is when he comes over to their house to hang out with james for the first time. at first he seems incredibly polite. he greets tessa and will with utmost grace and respect but lucie can tell it’s unusual from the way james’s face scrunches up in his tell tale expression of shock. she finds it amusing and decides to follow them for a while, matthew catches on quickly but instead of telling james they had a tag along he simply winks at lucie and pretends to lock his mouth and throw the key. she decides immediately that she likes this one. when they get to the indoor pool the first thing matthew does is push james into the pool. lucie couldn’t help but laugh which gave her away but when james went to tell her off and to get lost matthew pouts at james and said in an obnoxiously whiny voice, “jamie, let her hang out for a bit.” james turned to him and lucie was amazed to find them in a seemingly silent conversation before matthew smiled triumphantly and james groaned throwing himself back into the water as matthew gestured for lucie to come swim with them. lucie decides then and there that matthew by far her favorite of james’s friends he’s had over so far.

matthew - the first time matthew meets james is at detention. it would have been at debate but he had missed the first meeting for the club because his teacher had held him back to redo an activity he’d done completely wrong. he’d gotten detention that same period for disrupting the class (which was completely unnfair, he had just forgotten to take his adhd medicine so he was more restless than normal. when he walked into detention that afternoon there was only two other people there, neither of which he recognized. the teacher that was trapped into watching them was actually one of matthew’s favorite teachers, mr. lightwood (gideon lightwood, not to be confused with his brother gabriel who also taught there). about ten minutes into detention the door opened and one of the most attractive people matthew had ever seen in his entire life strolled through the door with a lopsided smile. mr. lightwood looked up and upon realizing who was there sighed heftily and shook his head. “again, james?” james just smirked wider and shook out his curly black hair, matthew’s stomach was doing a weird flip thing. ‘uncle gid, it really wasn’t my fault. the debate teacher just wasn’t seeing my side of the debate. he said my ideas were ‘crude and unnecessary’ but he was the one who asked what my opinion on dorian gray was. it really wasn’t my fault if she didn’t want a ‘mature’ opinion she shouldn’t have asked about a ‘mature’ topic.” mr. gideon simply shook his head but he was hiding a rather obvious smile. “go sit down, james.” with a confident smile he strolled over to where matthew was seated and turned to him with an outreached hand. up close matthew realized with another jolt to his stomach that james’s eyes were golden. “james, james herondale.” he said when matthew gripped his hand. matthew smiled widely. “matthew, matthew fairchild. i think we’re going to be good friends.”

thomas - the first time thomas meets alastair is his freshman year of high school. thomas will forever remember it vividly because alastair was the first person to really help him around school. he was so lost and he didn’t have anyone he knew so when this junior stepped up to show him around it was pretty cool. he was thoroughly embarrassed though because not only was this guy very very attractive but his friends were laughing at him. well not him, but thomas. alastair had waved them off and told him not to worry about them. he showed thomas to his classes and the main areas such as the library and the cafeteria. it was the first interaction of many but there were a few years until the next one. thomas never forgot his kindness and how he went out of the way to help the new kid, alastair never forgot either but for him it was more of a distant memory, the second time they met was the first meeting that left him with a lasting feeling.

james - the first time james meets jesse is when he comes to pick lucie up for a date. his immediate reaction is to evaluate if he is a good person and if he was good enough for his little sister. he held himself with an odd mixture of confidence and uncertainty. james had stood in the study with jesse for a while waiting for lucie to come down. jesse was fidgeting a lot which james recognized as anxiety which he himself had. he was slightly reassured by the fact that jesse was nervous. they were never really close nor did they ever become very close, seeing as james was practically always waiting for jesse to mess up or hurt his sister in some way. it lessened as time passed and jesse proved himself worthy in james’s eyes.

jesse - the first time jesse meets lucie it’s right in the middle of an epiphany in a story she’s writing. she’s been in a slump with really bad writers block for about a week so she can’t help her excitement when she finally has a breakthrough. jesse was sent by a professor (well professor herondale aka tessa the english professor aka lucie’s mom) to find her in the library to pass on a message and when he stumbles across a girl furiously tapping away on a laptop with a mad smile on her face and two pencils holding her hair up he is immediately enraptured. he goes to let her know her mom is looking for her but she simply tsks him and informs him that she simply cannot be disturbed and when he asks why she launches into a complicated plotline and jesse is so mesmerized that he can’t help but sit down and listen to an hour long rant about her novel and the characters. he misses his next to classes but if you ask him it was so so worth it. he soon becomes her person to rant to about intricately woven story lines and he can’t argue one bit. he was smitten from the first tsk.

christopher - the first time christopher meets cordelia he blows her up. well, nearly. he was experimenting and she happened to walk in right as his solution went awry. she had screamed loudly, more so from being startled than from injury but christopher had still rushed over to her and made sure she was unharmed. when he made sure that she was truly okay he apologized profusely and explained what he was doing and what he did wrong. she seemed genuinely interested which christopher immediately appreciated and he found he quite liked this girl. she was kind and smiled and asked questions when she was curious. there was no better way to get to his heart than by asking about his experiments (well, besides lemon tarts). every time they ended up staying for science after school he never failed to update her on his latest invention or experiment and she never failed to be attentive and curious. they worked surprisingly well together.

kamala - the first time kamala meets thomas is when she meets eugenia (her girlfriends) family. thomas was kind and the longer they talked the more he smiled and looked at her with an approving look. she had taken a liking to him almost immediately and had spent most of their time talking until eugenia interrupted claiming thomas was stealing her girlfriend to which thomas scoffed and rolled his eyes saying that there was no chance of that happening. kamala hadn’t understood the actual meaning of that until later to which she laughed until tears sprang to her eyes. eugenia’s entire family was kind and accepting but she knew she’d always have a soft spot for thomas and she did. she was always there for him and he, her. he became a brother she had always wanted and never gotten to truly have. eugenia complained but she couldn’t be happier with the outcome.

eugenia - the first time eugenia meets grace she thinks she’s cold. she always has a careless and intimidating resting face and very rarely speaks to anyone as if they’re worth her time. eugenia’s blind reaction to having her on the cheerleading squad was not a good one and she worked her pretty hard until they finally talked and eugenia learned why she had so many walls up and why she was so cold. it took a while to unravel the mystery of grace blackthorn but they ended up being surprisingly good friends, especially considering they were both close to kamala. kamala being one of grace’s closest friends and eugenia's girlfriend.

grace - the first time grace met kamala she was in the locker room the cheerleaders shared with the dance team. grace had just gotten off a particularly cruel phone call with her mother and was trying her best to keep her composure but it was quickly slipping through her fingers. her throat was hurting from the strain of not crying and her eyes were burning suspiciously. she cleared her throat a few times in the empty locker room and almost jumped out of her skin when a girl poked her head around the corner with a concerned tilt to her lips. she had a kind face and it barely took a quiet, “are you okay?” for grace to break down completely. the girl had walked over quietly and bent down to grace’s level. grace wasn’t sure why but she felt like she had known this girl for a long time, it was a feeling of pure trust she had never felt before. there was something so calming about kamala, as she had introduced herself, that she found herself spilling things she’d never told anyone else. there was a lot left unsaid but enough was said for kamala to comfort her enough to get her to calm down. there was something so trust worthy about her that she found herself in the same situation a few more times in the weeks to come until they started to talk with no tears. it was definitely an odd friendship but they both valued it a lot.

69 notes · View notes

heauxplesslydevoted · 4 years

Text

Dress Up (Ethan x MC)

Summary: On Halloween night, Ethan gets a big surprise

A/N: Okay so this was the tooth rotting fluff I was talking about earlier this week.

A/N 2: I haven’t written something this short in years. Issa miracle

A/N 3: Happy Halloween! Enjoy!

~v~

The words on the paper in front of Ethan start to blur together the longer he stares at the page. He’s been at the hospital for nearly 18 hours and it’s finally starting to have an effect on him, the exhaustion finally creeping in.

It’s been a long shift. He put in some hours in the free clinic on top of helping with his patient for the diagnostics team, and dealt with a particularly exhausting meeting with a few other department heads. On top of the usual business, it’s Halloween, and the holiday has never bode well for the hospital. By the time midnight rolls around, the ER is typically packed with college students and other young 20-somethings that have gotten way too drunk, started fights, and injured themselves.

His cell phone rings and he reaches into his coat pocket to retrieve it. His mood instantly perks up when he sees ‘Naomi R’ flash across the screen accompanied by a picture of his wife’s smiling face.

It takes him mere seconds to answer the phone, balancing it delicately between his shoulder and ear. “Hello?”

“Hi handsome,” Naomi greets back.

The cheeriness in her voice cheers him up slightly. While it’s been less than a day, he’s missed the sound of her voice. “Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“My job,” Ethan deadpans.

“Obviously smarty-pants. Are you working hard or hardly working?”

“I'm always working hard,” Ethan insists. “I’m trying to prepare myself for how busy the ER is going to be once the sun goes down. I hate Halloween.”

“You hate everything.”

“I hate pointless consumer holidays,” Ethan says. “Especially ones that promote candy and alcohol consumption.”

“Oh, so all the fun ones,” Naomi teases. “Where are you? Are you in the office?”

“Yes, I’m taking a break right now.”

“Perfect. Open the door.”

“Open the–” Ethan looks up, intrigued. He can’t make out any figures on the other side of the door, the frosted glass not doing him any favors. Either his lovely wife had food delivered for him, or she’s pulling some sort of Halloween trick on him. “Why?”

“It’s a surprise, so open the door.”

Deciding to play along, Ethan gets up from his huge leather chair and in a few quick strides, he’s on the other side of the room, opening the door. Looking straight ahead he doesn’t immediately see anyone standing outside. He should’ve known this was some prank of hers.

“Hi, daddy!”

The tiny voice cuts through the otherwise silent hallway. Out of the corner of his eye, Ethan sees a tiny blur practically flying towards him. The small figure collides with him with a soft thud, wrapping around him tightly.

“Oof!”

Chuckling to himself, Ethan glances down at the 3 year old clutching his pant legs like a life raft. “You are very strong for a toddler.”

“Valentina Marie Ramsey, what have I told you about running away from me!” Naomi’s voice is what captures Ethan’s attention as she speed-walks down the hall in an effort to make it to the office.

Ethan looks her up and down, confused. She’s wearing her work clothes, a simple blouse, pencil skirt and her white coat, as well as her purse and a plastic bag from CVS hanging off of her shoulder. Naomi isn’t supposed to be working today and she never dresses this formally in their casual life outside of work. “Did you take a shift?”

“Daddy, look, we're doctors because it’s Halloween!” Valentina says, garnering her dad’s attention.

The couple had given up on picking a costume for Valentina over a week ago, as the precocious toddler wasn’t good at picking one thing and sticking to it. In the past month, she’s wanted to be a pirate, a bear, a fairy, a princess, a princess fairy, and Baby Shark.

Ethan looks down at her and sees she has on a white coat of her own, one that is entirely too big for her which only makes her look that much more adorable. He smiles at her. “You make a very cute doctor, my darling.”

“Mommy says doctors are supposed to be very smart, not cute,” Valentina corrects, and while she’s already the spitting image of her mother, she sounds just like her too. She’s just as stubborn and argumentative.

“You’re the smartest 3 year old I know,” Ethan says honestly. As if a child born to him and Naomi would be anything but.

“You promise?”

“I pinky promise.”

“We were just coming by to show off our costumes, and to grab my doctor’s bag,” Naomi says. She leans forward and presses a soft kiss onto Ethan’s lips, one he doesn’t let end to quickly. Wrapping an arm around his wife’s waist, he pulls her in closer to deepen the kiss. 18 hours is far too long to go without her.

The kiss is broken up by Valentina aggressively wedging herself between the two of them. “No kissing.”

Naomi pulls away with an eye roll. “Okay, okay.” Leaving the doorway, Ethan moves backwards and allows them inside the office. Naomi instantly goes behind Ethan’s desk and grabs her physician’s bag. She usually doesn’t carry it unless the diagnostics team has to make a house call, and she empties it, making it easier for Valentina to carry around and use it as a candy bag. Before she hands it over, she empties the plastic bag she’s holding, a box of pink band-aids, popsicle sticks (aka tongue depressors), a roll of stickers, and a pair of small reading glasses fall onto the table.

Ethan watches as Naomi puts the final touches on Valentina’s costume. “Why the glasses?”

“Because you wear glasses,” Valentina answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Ethan raises an eyebrow in question, not understanding the point Valentina is trying to make. He turns to Naomi for further clarification.

“Val didn’t want to be any old doctor,” Naomi says. “She wanted to be...you.”

“Mommy said I can wear your big doctor coat!” Valentina exclaims.

And that’s when Ethan notices she is in fact wearing his spare white coat; Dr. Ethan Ramsey, M.D., F.A.C.P., stitched into it underneath Edenbrook’s logo.

While he already thought his three year old dressing up as a doctor was a sight to behold, something inside his chest warms as the thought of her wanting to be dressed up as him. Her entire world is comprised of doctors, but she wants to be a mini him.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been silent until Valentina tugs on his hand. “Are you okay, daddy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Ethan assures her with a smile. He crouches down so they’re able to look each other eye-to-eye. “Daddy is just very happy that you want to wear my coat, that’s all.” Valentina does a spin for him, spurred on by the positive affirmation and Ethan looks up, catching Naomi’s eye. “She wants to be me, not you.”

“Whatever. She looks like me, so when people see us together, she’ll automatically assume she’s dressed up as me.”

“But you and I both know the real intent. You know, I think your costume is missing something.” Reaching around his neck, Ethan takes off his stethoscope and drapes it around her instead. “There. Now you make a perfect Ethan Ramsey.”

“So now I have to make you feel better,” Valentina says. Dramatically, she places her hand on Ethan’s forehead, as if she’s taking his temperature. “Uh-oh.”

“What’s the diagnosis, Doc?” Ethan asks.

“You have a boo-boo,” she replies matter-of-factly. “But I can make it all better.” With some help from her mother, Valentina manages to open the box of band-aids. She sticks one on her dad’s cheek, just above his mustache, and follows that up by kissing his cheek. “There! How do you feel?”

“I feel much better,” Ethan says. “Thank you for being such a good doctor.”

“You’re welcome.” She then shoves a big Hello Kitty sticker into the palm of Ethan’s hand. “And you get a sticker for being good.”

“Even better.” Ethan tugs on one of Valentina’s curls, earning a giggle.

A few more minutes pass, with Naomi and Ethan snapping as many pictures as they possibly can and Valentina putting a few more band-aids on her parents.

The door opens and Baz comes in this time, eyes downcast as he’s staring at a file. “Hey Ethan, Dr. Banerji wanted to–” he stops short, laughing as he zeroes in on the bright pink band-aids covering Ethan. “That is quite the look you got going for yourself, Ethan.”

“I’ll have you know that my lovely doctor here put these bandages on me.”

Baz’s grin turns into a wide smile as he takes in Valentina’s appearance. “Well aren’t you the cutest doctor I’ve ever seen, Teeny!”

“I’m not a cute doctor, I’m a smart doctor, Uncle Baz,” Valentina practically growls.

“I apologize for the mistake.”

Naomi glances at the large clock hanging behind Ethan’s desk. “Okay, Val, we have to go so we can get some candy before it gets too dark. Say bye-bye to daddy.”

Valentina wraps her tiny arms around Ethan’s neck, squeezing tightly. “Bye daddy. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

As Naomi gathers up all of their things, Valentina tells him all about how she can’t wait to show off her costume and get candy. It was her first time trick-or-treating, as Naomi and Ethan decided it was better to wait until she was a bit older before participating in the holiday.

Her excitement is palpable and Ethan can’t help but to feel excited too. And while it’s true he’s no fan of Halloween, the thought of not witnessing it through his daughter’s eyes makes his chest tight. “How long do you plan on taking her around?”

“An hour,” Naomi answers. “I think that appropriate enough time for a 3 year old, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Ethan turns to Baz. “Do you think you can hold down the fort for an hour?”

Baz shrugs. “Sure. But only if you bring me back a Reese’s peanut butter cup.”

“That can be arranged.” Ethan stands up, his arms still firmly secured around Valentina. “Come on, Dr. and Dr Ramsey, we have some trick or treating to do.

~v~

Tags: @professorkingslay @nikki-2406 @maurine07 @aka-calliope @edgiestwinter @soft-for-drake @greenbean-kylie @akshara16 @bluebellot @kaavyaethanramsey @honeyandsunfl0wers @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @theeccentricbibliophile @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @mvalentine @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #open heart #open heart 2 #ethan ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #halloween

230 notes · View notes

praphit · 3 years

Text

Godzilla vs Kong: A Good Christian Film

It was Easter weekend, so I had wanted to check out a good Christian film. There is some new hotness out there called "A Week Away".

It's a musical, about a troubled teen, who breaks the law; his options are then to either go to juvie or go to a Christian camp. Obviously, this teen would be white:) It's a spellbinding tale about right and wrong, about Jesus, and from the looks of the poster, it's also about some Christian booty - and the power thereof to save this young man's soul.

I was all set to watch it, but somehow "Godzilla vs Kong" ended up on my screen instead.

Weird, right??

But, I can find Jesus in any movie. I was sure I could find Him in this movie too, so I let this weird phenomenon take me:)

The trailer of G vs K had me hyped!

Godzilla and Kong, going WWE in various cities as their ring. I'm sold!

Then, they said "and here's the cast!" I really didn't care about the cast. I mean... let's say that a young Mike Tyson, time travels to 2021 and says he wants to fight Conor McGregor.

Young Time Traveling Mike Tyson vs McGregor??!! Are you kidding me??!! The world would literally stop as these two fought (aka Tyson murdering McGregor in the ring).

And then, the promoters spent all their time hyping Mike and Conor's training staff, and the ref, and the people calling the fight, and why these two are fighting - WHO CARES?! Some fights don't require much promo.

Unless they're going to interview Kong and Godzilla (and how great would that have been??), idc.

But, this movie sure does, so let's go through them, briefly:

Rebecca Hall -

I love her! I don't care about her in this movie, but I love her. She is the top smarty-pants scientist who's out there trying to manage this big thing(Kong). She's kinda like Dr. Fauci.

There's a cute,little deaf kid who everyone tells me is special.

I'm not going to make fun of this character, though I'd really like to, because she does some silly things. But, what kind of asshole makes fun of a cute, little deaf kid??

Alex Skarsgard -

He's eye-candy. Fun Fact: he learned sign language, so he could better communicate with Kaylee Hottle (cute, little deaf kid - who in real life, is a cute, little deaf kid). That's awesome! - he's still simply eye-candy.

Eiza Gonzalez -

They needed a Hispanic person on the team.

Millie Bobby Brown -

Her character is annoying, boring, and disrespectful to her dad (a triple threat). She kept referencing the last Godzilla movie (which in it, apparently, her and her dad had issues), as if anyone watched/remembers that movie.

Annnnnd there's a crazy black guy in this

- he's kinda like Alex Jones.

More interested now? Nah, me either.

Can we please get to the fight now?!

Nope, gotta talk about "the why?" first:

You see...

...

Godzilla... um... see, there's some sort of energy that... we need, cuz ya gotta have energy, right?? So, Kong... he... *sigh* damn. He's tracking the energy, but Godzilla is big like Kong, so... there was a war a long ago? Some rich dude is building some THING... there's a planet and a tunnel... and Kong has axe. Boom! PLOT! Kong works with the humans a lot here, which doesn't make much sense. It seems to me that the humans are doing just as much damage to him as Godzilla. Again, I don't care. Just say that Godzilla said Kong's mama is fat and ain't got no teeth, and that would have been enough for me.

An axe though??? What the hell??

JUST FIGHT!

When they finally do fight, it's very cool!

They fight in the water.

There's an epic battle at the end on some surreal planet full of butt eaters. Not joking, there's a scene where some creature swoops down and starts eating some dude's butt. I hope we learn more about Butteater Planet some day.

Like I said, Kong has an axe (and it's magical... yep)

And there's some Mortal Kombat-type action that goes on as well.

I loved the fighting, but it was only about 7-10 mins of the movie (and I'm probably being generous). The other hour and fifty minutes are about the cast and "the plot". It's called Godzilla vs Kong, dammit! That's all I need! It's the only reason I'm there! It's the only reason I didn't watch a privileged white boy sing songs about how he found love (in his loins) at a Christian Camp!

I recommend fast-forwarding through to the fights.

Better yet, just find the fights on Youtube. Trust me, the rest of the movie doesn't matter. The fights are dope,

but not enough in comparison to all of the bullshit surrounding them.

I would have rather have had 30 mins of fighting, maybe a couple of breaks for them to sit down, drink some water, and get coached up... maybe have some comedians commentate (Chappelle and Burr, maybe), and right back to it. If they do this again, tell the actors to get out of the way!

Grade: D-

I think I found the Jesus in this though:

Many pay attention to church twice a year. A lot of long drawn-out services. BUT, you can skip around, to get to the good stuff if you'd like.

If you want the gospel - BOOM John 3:16 - now you don't even need to sit through the service (and what makes a long service longer? - watching it online as many did to escape The Ronas)

If you want your shot of religion, so as to not feel guilty until Christmas, then skip the Catholic services, skip the "Black churches" , cuz if you don't, you'll be streaming that service all day and all night. Find that little church, who doesn't have a staff or musicians yet, their tech might not even work right for the live broadcast, the feed could go out on you, but hey... it still counts for that Easter credit.

My point is, Jesus doesn't want you to waste your time, so don't watch this movie. Amen?

Amen.

#godzilla vs kong #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #monsters #Movie Reviews #praphit #king kong #godzilla #rebecca hall #millie bobby brown #dave chappelle #bill burr #wwe #fighting #a week away #christian movies #easter

29 notes · View notes

sinful-imagines · 4 years

Text

3 times Koichi was the mom friend and one time he was just a mom

aka The dumb Duwang Gang fic I spent far too long on

AO3 link

Word count: 5442

It was a late Sunday afternoon, and Koichi was enjoying some much needed relaxation time. He wasn’t really doing anything in particular, just laying in bed and listening to the same handful of songs on repeat. Everything was calm and peaceful, just like Koichi wanted.

So of course that’s when he gets a call from one of the most chaotic people in his life, Josuke.

When they first met, Josuke seemed similar to Koichi in the sense that he was relaxed and levelheaded, but as their friendship developed he realized that this was not the case. Koichi didn’t mind all that much though, it was nice to have a bit of spice in his life. Sometimes it was a bit too much, though.

He picked up the call after a few rings, a bit sad that his relaxation had been interrupted. But he tried to push that thought aside and let a smile grace his face. “Hey, what’s up?” He asked, sitting up and unplugging his headphones.

“Oh, not much. But could I ask you for a favor?” Koichi was intrigued by this, seeing as Josuke rarely ever asked for favors, causing his mind to run with possible circumstances.

“Sure! What do you need?” Koichi responded a bit too quickly, wanting to be a nice and reliable friend.

“Oh thank god, I was so worried that you’d say no. I want to order something online but we’re moving soon so I don’t want it to arrive at our old address, so could I ship it to your place? I’ll pay you a few hundred yen for the trouble,” Koichi’s face lit up at that. He could be a good friend and get paid at the same time? It sounded perfect, and Koichi couldn’t wait to help out.

“Absolutely! Just wondering though, what are you get-” Koichi started, but was cut off as Josuke hung up the call. He thought it was odd, but didn’t put too much thought into it. He sighed, laying back down and smiling.

A few weeks later, a package arrived at Koichi’s door. Despite the fact that it was addressed to ‘Koochie Horse’ he immediately assumed it was Josuke’s package. He still had no idea about the contents of it, having completely forgotten about it until a few moments ago. Although he knew that it was probably nosy to snoop through whatever Josuke had bought, curiosity got the best of him and he decided to open up the package. After all, it was probably just a new textbook or that new racing game he’d been talking about for a while.

Right?

Wrong.

The first thing innocent little Koichi saw upon opening the package was a small round container with the label ‘Gamer Girl Bath Water.’ He was confused to say the least and decided to take it out of the package, gasping quietly at the realization that it was in fact someone’s bathwater. Disgusted and disappointed at the same time, Koichi ran upstairs to give Josuke a call. He clicked on the contact as quickly as he could and eagerly waited for a response.

“Yo, what’s u-”

“The package came.”

“Wait I can explain-” Josuke pleaded, very obviously holding back a laugh. “I did it ironically, I don’t actually want someone’s bathwater. Well, unless it’s Okuyasu’s. But he’s not selling it anyway so it doesn’t really matter.”

“Josuke.. I..” Koichi paused for a minute to contemplate his life decisions that lead up to this moment, then continued. “I’m so disappointed in you. And I’m not even going to mention the last you wanting to buy Okuyasu’s bath water because that’s disgusting.” Koichi sighed, setting the accursed bath water on his nightstand.

“I don’t blame you. Even Oku was disappointed in me, and I’m pretty sure he subscribed to her Onlyfans.”

“That one wasn’t ironic, was it?” Koichi replied, his disappointment growing significantly as he realized that Okuyasu had paid for porn of a gamer girl.

“Nope.”

“I thought so.”

After the whole bath water incident, Koichi became much more wary of Josuke’s antics. So when he asked if he wanted to have a sleepover for the first time, he was pretty nervous. Not to say that he wasn’t excited, he was just anxious that he was going to somehow be pressured into buying someone’s bath water.

Luckily for Koichi, the night went completely normally at first. Well, as close to normally as you could ever get in Morioh. The three of them played a few different video games and talked about the serial killer running around the town, typical teenage stuff. It was only when Okuyasu started complaining that he was hungry did the mom friend in Koichi come out. The group walked to Josuke’s refrigerator after getting tired of Okuyasu’s complaining and collectively sighed as they saw the contents of it. There was a whole watermelon, a few eggs, and a singular slice of cheese. Just as Okuyasu suggested eating the watermelon whole, the group noticed something else on a lower shelf of the refrigerator. It was a small container of cookie dough from Kame Yu. It caused the three of them to gasp in excitement, but for different reasons. Josuke and Okuyasu, like most people, were planning to eat the cookie dough raw and then regret that decision when their stomachs were screaming in pain. Koichi, however, was planning to actually make the cookies. There should be enough dough to make at least one cookie for everyone, so that was the obvious way to go about things in his mind. He grabbed the container and took a quick glance at the back of it, which earned a confused look from the two idiots.

“Oi Koichi, you’re not going to actually bake those, right?” Josuke asked, bewildered at the idea that anyone would waste perfectly good cookie dough by cooking it.

“Of course I’m going to bake it.. that’s what you do with cookie dough?” Koichi replied, incredibly confused. Unless they were going to shove it up their asses (which he wouldn’t put past them) he couldn’t think of a reason why they wouldn’t want him to bake the cookies. And then it hit him. “Wait, were you guys planning to eat it raw?” Koichi asked, the disappointment he was feeling evident in his voice.

“Well duh. Besides, that shit is too complicated anyway,” Okuyasu muttered, looking at Josuke for a split second to make sure that he wasn’t the only insane one.

“Okuyasu you literally just put it in the oven. It’s not that complicated. Also it says DO NOT EAT RAW in massive lettering,” Koichi said, gesturing towards the comic sans warning on the front of the container.

“Koichi you’re not even tall enough to reach the pan you need to put the cookies in. Plus they’ll take like 20 minutes to bake and if I have to listen to Okuyasu complain about how hungry he is one more time then I’m going to explode.” Josuke replied, stealing the container from Koichi and opening it up. “Oh wow, there’s more in here than I thought. There’s probably enough for you to make a few cookies and for us to have some of it if you still want to make them.”

Koichi shook his head at first, but began to think about it more and more. He was getting hungry as well and didn’t feel like eating an entire watermelon so this was really his only option. Besides, he would have the opportunity to prove that he wasn’t insane and that cookie dough was better when made into actual cookies. Koichi took the container back from Josuke’s hand and carefully scooped out 5 balls of dough with a spoon that was laying on the counter. In retrospect he probably should have washed the spoon first, but he didn’t dwell on it for long. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you both end up with stomach aches.” Koichi warned as he handed the now halfway empty container of cookie dough back to the idiots. They ran back to Josuke’s room quickly and left Koichi to bake his cookies in peace. The first thing he needed to do was find a pan to cook them in, which proved difficult. He searched through almost every cabinet and drawer in his kitchen, only to find nothing but old cook books and cookie sheets. (which he also needed but not as much as the actual pan) Just as he was about to admit defeat, he noticed two more cabinets far above the oven that he was nowhere near tall enough to reach.

Shit.

Getting Josuke or Okuyasu to help wasn’t an option because he was NOT going to deal with the months of teasing that would result from it, so he had to improvise. He felt bad snooping around Josuke’s house, but he didn’t really have any other option. Koichi started by looking in his living room, and while he didn’t find any stools he did find a half asleep Tomoko next to an empty bottle of wine and a porno magazine. While that was interesting it wasn’t what he needed, so he kept looking. Eventually he found a sturdy looking chair and figured that would work as a stool. Luckily it did, and he was able to actually start making the cookies. He’s familiar with the Kame Yu brand of cookie dough, so it didn’t take him long at all to get them in the proper shape and size. Double checking the time and temperature, he put the tray into Josuke’s oven and waited. He considered going back to talk the two idiots but decided against it after hearing one of them scream “JUST BECAUSE I PUT SOMETHING IN MY ASS ONCE DOESN’T MEAN I’M GAY!” It caused Tomoko to stir a little bit, and that worried Koichi too much to leave the kitchen.

After about 10 minutes of staring at the oven it finally beeped, signaling that the cookies were done. As Koichi opened the oven he smiled widely. They turned out perfectly; they were just the right size and they were the perfect shade of golden brown. They still needed to cool off though, but Koichi didn’t feel like waiting any longer. Besides, he could just wait for them to cool off while he was rubbing them in Josuke and Okuyasu’s faces. Carefully using an oven mitt to move them onto a plate, Koichi took a whiff of the cookies and smiled. This was certainly better than raw cookie dough. Once they were all onto a plate Koichi excitedly walked back to Josuke’s room. The heat from the still warm cookies burned his palms a bit, but he didn’t mind all that much. After all, he’d been through a lot worse than a bit of a burn. “See guys! I told you that they’re better this w-” Koichi cut himself off as he noticed that Okuyasu and Josuke were laying on the floor, cuddled up next to each other and moaning. To Koichi’s immediate relief they were in fact not fucking each other, but they’d eaten so much cookie dough that it was too painful to move.

“Hhhhhhhgggg…. this was a bad idea…” Josuke whined, looking up at Koichi’s cookies with puppy dog eyes. “Can I have one? Please?” He said as Koichi looked away as quickly as possible. Josuke was hard to say no to normally, let alone with puppy dog eyes. He couldn’t help but look back after a few seconds, and by then he was making desperate grabby hands.

“Sure, just take one though. But if you would’ve listened to me from the start then we’d have a lot more cookies and you both wouldn’t be in so much pain right now.” Koichi smiled as he realized that he’d won their little feud. He sat down next to Josuke and set the plate down next to him, sighing quietly in relief at the fact that his hands weren’t burning anymore.

“Yeah whatever.. thanks though, these look delicious,” Josuke mumbled as both he and Okuyasu reached for a cookie. It was only then that Koichi remembered something he probably should have mentioned a while ago.

“WAIT DON’T TOUCH THEM YET THEY’RE STILL BUR-”

“OW KOICHI WHAT THE FUCK???”

“..ning”

Koichi is a good child. He never snuck out, never skipped school, never cheated on tests, and never even considered doing things that Josuke and Okuyasu did on a daily basis.

He’s also very compassionate and worries for other people more than himself a lot of the time.

Coupling these two things together, to say that Koichi was concerned that Josuke had been gone from school for the past week was a massive understatement. He kept saying that it was ‘just a cold’ and that he ‘felt mostly fine,’ but Koichi didn’t believe his words. He was incredibly worried about Josuke’s health, especially with all of the Stand users that were roaming around the town. The possibility that Josuke was attacked by a disease giving Stand was incredibly low, but it still worried Koichi a ton. Okuyasu didn’t seem to be anywhere near as worried, which confused him completely. He’d been gone for an entire school week, obviously something was wrong. He made sure to call Josuke every night and make sure he was okay, but those phone calls didn’t seem to alleviate his concerns in the slightest. He always seemed so sick and in pain during them that it made Koichi’s own throat start to hurt. So after the 5th day in a row of him being gone, Koichi made a decision. He decided that he would go to Kame Yu after school to buy a few things and then visit Josuke in hopes to make him feel a bit better.

The school day went by normally like usual except for the fact that Josuke was absent once again. Rumors were starting to spread like wildfire about his absence, something that made Koichi even more worried for his friend.

He went to Kame Yu immediately after school, texting his mom a short message explaining that he’d be gone for a little while. He didn’t have an exact list of things he wanted to buy, he only had a handful of general ideas in mind. He started by grabbing some donuts and a slice of cheesecake from the bakery section of the store, two things he’d recently learned were some of Josuke’s favorites. After that he looked for some medicine to at the very least help with his pain. Koichi didn’t know what type of illness Josuke had, so he picked out a few general cough medicines like Tylenol and DayQuil. Lastly he went over to the junk food area of the store and grabbed a few miscellaneous things like chips and chocolate bars. The total only came to about two thousand yen, which Koichi didn’t mind paying in the slightest. Besides, Josuke had given him a cut of his lottery winnings a week prior so this was a good way to repay him somewhat.

As he walked down the street to visit the ‘sick’ boy, Koichi contemplated calling Josuke to let him know about his arrival. He decided against it after a while though, remembering the few times he’d come over without a notice. He knocked on the door and waited patiently for a response. It took a lot longer than he expected, sparking worry in Koichi that he’d interrupted Tomoko while she was busy. He sighed in relief as someone opened the door, but looked up in a bit of confusion as Josuke opened the door instead. “Oh hi Koichi, what are you doing here? I’m glad you showed up though, I was getting pretty bored. Come on in, my room’s a bit messy though,” he chuckled as he motioned for Koichi to come inside. Koichi was thoroughly confused. He didn’t sound sick at all, and he didn’t even mention his illness. And why was he holding his Switch, he always said it was ‘the reason he was having homosexual thoughts’ for some reason? All of these concerns seemed to be answered immediately as Josuke started to speak once again. “Shit, you still think that I was sick right? Oops.” Josuke laughed nervously as he looked down.

“Wait you’re not? Then why have you been missing school for so long? Is everything okay?” He asked as he followed Josuke upstairs and to his room. He set the bags of medicine and junk food down next to his bed and gave Josuke another confused look.

“Okay Koichi you’re going to think that I’m insane and I don’t really blame you but I’ve started a business. And I faked an illness so that I can stay home for a couple days and keep on top of all of my customers and orders. Also what’s in the bags?” Not once did Josuke look up from his Switch during this interaction, as he was too busy trying to farm for popular villagers. “Okay so here’s the idea. I get Nook Miles tickets from playing the game. I use the tickets to farm for rare villagers. I search for Raymond specifically. I get Raymond. I sell Raymond on EBay for 6,000¥. I use a portion of that to buy more Nook Miles Tickets and then the cycle continues until I’m rich.”

Koichi burst out with laughter at both the ridiculous idea and the completely serious look on Josuke’s face while telling him about it. He couldn’t help himself. Buying Animal Crossing villagers? Who would do that? His ‘business’ venture didn’t change the fact that he skipped school to work on it though, and Koichi’s laughter quickly turned into disappointed silence as he remembered. “Yeah but you still skipped an entire week of school to do this though.. I was really worried about you.. That’s why I came over here, I brought you medicine and some food to help you feel better,” Koichi muttered, feeling a bit dumb for not even considering the possibility that he’d just been skipping school.

“Oh my god that’s why you came over? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worried! I’ll give you a cut of the Animal Crossing money for making you panic and for going out of your way to get all of this stuff for me. I really appreciate it,” Josuke said, still not looking up from his Switch. “I thought I was only going to be gone for a day so I just said I was sick and then my business exploded and I just had to keep going along with it an- GODDAMNIT LEOPOLD NOBODY LIKES YOU YOU DUMB SHIT!”

“Oh it’s fine, I’m just glad you’re okay. How’d you manage to convince your mom that you were sick for an entire week though? And thanks but it’s alright, you can keep the 2¥ you’re going to make from your ‘business.’ Koichi looked over at Josuke’s Switch to find what he was so angry about only to be greeted by an adorable looking lion with green hair and glasses. Why was he so angry?

“Oh you laugh Koichi but I’ve already made over 200,000¥. These people are so desperate for these fake animals it’s insane. Also my mom’s away on some sort of business trip thing. I’m definitely gonna get my ass beat when she gets home but-Oh thank god it’s someone I can actually sell for once.” Josuke smiled softly as Koichi looked over once again to see a cat that looked like an orange. Adorable! Though he didn’t know what made it different from the lion that made Josuke so angry. “Anyways, you can have some of the animal crossing money for all the trouble you went through. Is 10,000¥ fair? I really don’t know what to do with all of this money to be honest.”

That was the first time that Koichi realized that Josuke wasn’t joking or lying and that he’d actually made a huge profit by selling animal crossing villagers. And he’d be getting a cut from it too? Not just a few hundred yen either, 10,000.

“10,000¥? That’s a lot, are you sure? I mean it really wasn’t that much trouble and I..”

“Shut up and take the money Koichi. You can have it as long as I can still have the food you brought me.” Josuke finally looked up from his Switch to look into the bags of stuff Koichi had brought and happily gasped. “Woah is that cheesecake? You’re the best!”

Suddenly the week Koichi spent worrying about his friend didn’t seem to matter as much.

Nothing ever stays calm in Morioh.

That’s something that Koichi had learned over the summer.

So when he was having a relaxing and chill day, he really should have expected something to go wrong. That ‘something’ was a frantic call from Josuke some time in the evening. Of course that itself wouldn’t be an issue, but the subject matter certainly was. Excited to take a call from his best friend, Koichi set down the book he was reading and eagerly picked it up. “Hi Josuke, what’s u-”

“HE FORGOT THE BABY!” Josuke yelled into the microphone, causing Koichi to panic a bit.

“WHAT?” Koichi yelled back, holding the phone further away from his ear because of how loud Josuke was being.

“HE FORGOT THE BABY!!”

“Josuke you're going to need to explain,” Koichi said, hoping that it was a joke of some sort.

“Okay so you know how my dad left yesterday?”

“Ye-”

“WELL HE FORGOT THE BABY!!” Josuke yelled once again, the distress he was feeling very evident in his voice. Koichi knew this must’ve been somewhat legitimate considering Josuke was a terrible actor.

“Josuke I….. what baby? There’s a baby?” Koichi asked with just as much confusion in his voice as distress in Josuke’s.

“Oh my god I never told you about the baby!! So like two months ago when my old man first got here we found an invisible baby and we named her Shizuka and he was supposed to take her with him but he didn’t and now I have a baby to take care of and I don’t know what to do and I-” Josuke rambled frantically, holding Shizuka in one arm and his phone in the other.

“Okay calm down, I’m sure everything will be fine. Maybe just tell your mother that he left the baby and she can call him up? I’m sure he wouldn't mind buying another boat ticket.” Koichi replied calmly before realizing something. “Wait, she’s invisible? How did you find her then? Is she a Stand user?”

“I mean, probably? All I know is that there is a crying baby in my arms and if it keeps crying it’s going to turn my arms invisible and I kind of need to see those. And my mother definitely won’t believe that my dad left an invisible baby here. Besides I’m pretty sure she’ll start breaking down if I even mention him.” Josuke sighed, gently rocking Shizuka back and forth. Or at least what he thought was gently.

“Wait, she turns things around her invisible too? Oh god that can’t be good. Try and figure out why she’s crying and then take care of it. I can probably come over and help you if you want, I have a little bit of experience babysitting. But you should probably find a way to contact your dad so that we don’t have to deal with an invisible baby forever.” Koichi’s motherly instincts were becoming more and more apparent now that there was an actual baby involved, especially considering he didn’t trust Josuke to handle a baby all by himself.

“I think she’s tired but she won’t go to sleep. I have her some NyQuil but I think that just made it wor-”

“You gave the BABY NyQuil??? Okay I’m coming over to your house because I do NOT trust you with this baby.” Koichi was so incredibly worried for the well being of the poor baby at this point.

“I mean yeah.. now that I think about it that was probably a bad idea. And please do, it’s been crying for like 20 minutes,” Josuke pleaded, causing Koichi to hang up the call and get ready to leave the house as soon as possible. It also didn’t help his worries that Josuke referred to the baby as ‘it.’ After somehow convincing his mother that he was going over to Josuke’s house to study, he practically ran out the door to make sure Josuke hadn’t murdered the baby already. He knocked on the door frantically and was created by a confused yet excited Tomoko who had no idea about the situation unfolding upstairs. Tomoko started to have a conversation with Koichi, which although he appreciated it, was the opposite of what he wanted to do right now. He tried to rush it as much as possible without seeming rude, and practically ran upstairs once it was over with. He opened the door a bit too quickly, causing Shizuka to stir a bit and start crying louder. That wasn’t his biggest concern though; his biggest concern was the fact that Josuke had given the baby to Crazy Diamond and Crazy Diamond was rocking the baby with way more force than necessary. “Oh thank god you’re here, it’s crying and I don’t know what to do.”

“Just.. just give me the baby. Also you better be paying me for this,” Koichi mumbled as he took the baby out of Crazy Diamond’s arms. He tensed up for a second before remembering how he used to rock the babies he had to babysit. All of his attention was on carefully rocking Shizuka back and forth, and it seemed to calm her down a lot. Although the makeup on her face had heavily faded Koichi could still make out her expression, and she seemed to be a bit happy. She was still crying though, and Koichi could tell she needed something. “Have you fed her today? That might be why she’s crying,” Koichi asked, looking up at Josuke with a slight frown. This night was going to be fun.

“I fed her a little bit earlier but then she vomited all over me and started screaming again. But that’s a good idea, I’ll go get some food for her.” Koichi was very worried about whatever Josuke was about to bring as food for Shizuka, but he didn’t feel like asking. After all he couldn’t be that stupid, right? Well he did try to give her NyQuil so I guess he could be that stupid. He continued gently rocking Shizuka, making sure to maintain a gentle yet steady rhythm. The smile on her face led to a smile on Koichi’s face, which was only helped when she gently grabbed onto Koichi’s sweater. He had no idea why he was so good with kids considering he only babysat a handful of times, all he knew is that he was thankful for it. As he heard the door open Koichi prepared for disappointment but was pleasantly surprised when Josuke brought up actual baby food, a few napkins, and a bottle full of a red liquid of some sort. “We don’t have milk but I read somewhere that you can give babies fruit juice as long as they’re over a month old. Hopefully it’s fruit juice anyway, it didn’t have a label on it. Oh and I brought some napkins in case she throws up again,” Josuke said as he sat down on the bed next to Koichi.

Koichi was more than willing to take the small risk that he was feeding her blood to make sure that Shizuka had something to drink. Everything was going well… too well. But he tried not to think about that. “Oh wow, thank you so much! I was half expecting you to bring me like wine or something,” Koichi replied, wishing that he was joking. He took the bottle from Josuke’s hands and shifted the way he held Shizuka slightly so that he could feed her more easily. Koichi slowly handed her the bottle, which caused her eyes to light up and for her to immediately start drinking. Thinking he did something right, Koichi smiled and looked up at Josuke before hearing sounds of vomiting and seeing bits of red splattered all over his sweatshirt. Goddamnit. As he reached up to grab some of the napkins that Josuke had brought, Koichi realized that he was laughing way, way harder than he should’ve been. “Hey shut up, at least I’m actually taking care of your baby,” Koichi mumbled as he took the napkins and cleaned the spit up off of his hoodie. After that was taken care of he grabbed the container of baby food and opened it up, relieved to see that it had a small spoon on the side of it so he didn’t have to make Josuke run more errands for him. He opened up the container way more carefully then he needed to and grabbed a spoonful of the yellow mush. To Koichi’s relief Shizuka eagerly ate every spoonful she was given and didn’t throw it up this time. She got through the entire container of baby food relatively quickly and it made Koichi feel incredibly accomplished. She also wasn’t crying anymore and had a huge adorable smile stretched out across her face, so it was clear that her hunger was the reason she was upset. Shizuka once again clung to Koichi’s (now stained with red) sweatshirt and mumbled something incoherent. He figured this meant that she was tired so he glanced around Josuke’s room for a blanket, but what happened next was certainly not what he was expecting.

“Mama!!” She said between small fits of giggles, her grip on Koichi tightening slightly. He gasped with both excitement and confusion as Josuke started going hysterical. “Mmaama!” She cooed once again, making as close to eye contact as someone invisible could make with Koichi.

“W- I- has she ever spoken before this??” Koichi asked frantically as he realized that he was now the mother of an invisible baby that he met 15 minutes ago. Though thinking about it more he didn’t really mind it for the time being.

“No she hasn’t! She’s never even called me that and I’ve had that thing for way longer. Bitch.” Josuke clearly looked angry about this and it made Koichi laugh a bit.

“Well I didn’t give her NyQuil and actually fed her. Maybe if you take her for a bit she’ll warm up to you.” He attempted to pry Shizuka’s hands off of his sweatshirt which proved to be way more difficult than he thought. Once he did though, she seemed to go into Josuke’s arms with ease. Josuke’s eyes lit up as the baby was shifted into his hands, panicking a bit before remembering the rhythm that Koichi had kept while rocking her. He did that for quite some time until Shizuka seemed just as comfortable and happy as she was in her ‘mom’s’ arms. After a while, her eyes closed and she started to drift off to sleep. “M..ama..” she mumbled softly as she snuggled closer into Josuke’s arms. He tried his very best to hold back a laugh so he wouldn’t wake her up, but he couldn’t help it. Luckily Shizuka seemed to be a heavy sleeper and it didn’t bother her too much.

“Ha, we’re both her moms! That’s gay,” Josuke said with far too much laughter following it. Koichi sighed once again, something he’d been accustomed to during his friendship with Josuke.

“Yeah shut up, let’s find a place to keep while she sleeps.” Koichi’s eyes darted around Josuke’s room to find somewhere to keep her, eventually landing on a small basket in the corner. It wouldn’t be the most comfortable thing, but they didn’t have many other options. He put one of Josuke’s pillows into the basket along with a towel for a blanket and motioned for him to put Shizuka in it. He did, (actually being gentle for once) and she subconsciously snuggled up against the pillow. As they shared a relieved and happy glance with each other, they started to think about what else they should do considering it was only about 6pm.

“Wanna play F-Mega? I just unlocked some secret tracks?”

“Sure!”

Being a lesbian mother to an invisible baby was certainly not the way Koichi expected the summer to end, but he should have known that nothing is expected in Morioh.

#part 4 josuke #koichi #okuyasu #duwang gang #fic #jjba #dumb shit #someone please read this #jjba part 4 #diu

43 notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Atlas: Space, Mercury

TITLE: Atlas: Space

CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: 2/12

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine narrating episodes of Loki’s life with the Avengers based on the songs from Sleeping At Last’s “Atlas: Space” album.

RATING: T-M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Welcome to my Sleeping At Last’s Atlas: Space challenge, aka Another writing project I do not have time for, but my brain insisted on doing.

This series will be less like a multichapter fic and more of a one-shot compendium, but that they all interconnect in one way or another. It will revolve around Loki and Becca’s relationship (Taking Turns, Glow, Helmet Heists–don’t worry, more Loki-Charlie stuff will be along) and I will use those one-shots as reference to the timeline. Each chapter will be one song, used as inspiration for the story.

Warnings include: language, maybe, and morally grey debates about killing bad guys, angst (so much angst), and a thoroughly confused Loki.

Chapter 2: Mercury

Summary: Becca did not expect to feel this way after her first official mission. Loki did not expect to care how she felt, one way or another. Takes place after Helmet Heists.

“Heya, Lokes. How’s it going?”

Loki looked up, brow furrowed in a calculating expression. Tony Stark was not one to casually strike up a conversation with him unless it was of the utmost importance and he had no other choice. Therefore, the almost cheery way he had plopped himself down beside him on the couch was a matter of extreme curiousness.

Loki was having none of it.

“What is this?”

“I only asked how you were?” Tony sounded unsure, put looked all around innocent until he let out a long puff of air that made his cheeks inflate. “OK, I wanted to ask you how Becks was.”

Loki rolled his eyes and turned the page on his book, his attention now on the tight script before him. “I daresay she’s your employee, Stark, not mine. Why would I know?”

“Maybe because she’s the only person you talk to, and you’d be able to tell if she were OK. And the fact that you’ve been sticking to her like glue since we got back from the Hellhole. I don’t know, it gives me the inkling that you do, indeed, know.”

Stark wasn’t wrong.

Rebecca was the only human that Loki seemed to find bearable most of the time. She wasn’t loud or brash or mindless. Her taste in literature wasn’t half bad, either.

But she was human. And mortal. And beneath him.

For the longest time, he had tried not to get too attached, but this last mission certainly became a turning point in their relationship. It wasn’t bad, per se. They understood each other’s body language in a way that only two introverts could, and they worked together well as a team, but… she was so soft and innocent and everything he was most certainly not. Loki tended to scoff and ridicule humans such as this, not attempt to ensure their safety and their ongoing wellbeing, even after the fact.

Those eyes, though…

“Lokes?” Apparently Loki had been silent for much longer than was considered normal. He tended to do that a lot, as of late, always in relation to that dreary mortal.

Loki shifted uncomfortably at the memory of Becca’s eyes on the jet ride back. “I would say she takes issue with the moral ambiguity of killing an enemy. Regardless of whether or not they deserved it.”

Rows of houses Sound asleep Only streetlights Notice me

He nearly wanted to laugh at himself. Taking issue was probably the understatement of the year.

More than once, while he was doing his nightly walks, he would find Becca on the roof, staring at the world below–at the forests, the darkness, at the nothingness. She would stand, shivering in the night air, as she tried to make out shapes in the inky black abyss. It would take him two or three mentions of her name to rouse her from contemplative stupor. And, even then, Loki could tell she was not all there.

She always smiled, pushing through the oppressive chaos in her head and ask him about his day. As if she had not been fixing to fall apart a second before.

Damn her and her empathy.

I am desperate If nothing else In a holding pattern To find myself

I talk in circles I talk in circles I watch for signals For a clue

More than once he had swallowed whatever irritation would bubble to the surface in an effort to get her talking. Instead of his usually acidic demands for her to get on with it, he simply nodded in what he hoped was an encouraging manner and waited for her to spill her thoughts, as repetitive as they were. Not that he could blame her.

He remembered the first time he had killed something. He was seven. It had been a rabbit while on a hunt. He cried for three days, afterwards, until an Einherjar had scoffed and told him that was how life worked and he needed to accept it. Loki hadn’t cried when that particular soldier did not come home from a siege in Vanaheim a hundred years later. Nor for the hundreds that had been lost in battles, since. What was the point? Creatures lived and died, sometimes by his blade. That was life.

How to feel different How to feel new Like science fiction Bending truth

“Why do you keep asking that, Loki?” She had whined, pulling the edges of his cloak, which he had laid over her bare shoulders to shield her against the wind. He had asked if she was doing alright. “You know I’m physically fine. You made sure of that.”

He had not meant to inquire after her physical well-being, and Becca very well knew that. She also knew that he would die a fiery death before insisting “but, how do you feel?” Loki had made an annoyed noise and stormed off with the intention to hide in his room. He had doubled back, halfway there, only to watch her wipe away tears from the corners of her eyes when she thought herself alone. He still went back to his room, but he felt like a rock was lodged in his stomach all the way there.

“Could you do me a favor and keep an eye on her? She’s been really jumpy and anxious at work, but she keeps telling me she’s fine.” Tony sighed. “I just worry about her, man.”

Loki offered a sympathetic look, despite his initial reaction to sneer back at the Iron Man. Breaking old habits was hard. “I know. I will.”

No one can unring this bell Unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new God knows I am dissonance Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune

The Asgardian prince had found his friend in a hidden corner of the library. It looked like she had started to read one of the many tomes on Asgardian technology he had lent her, before her mind betrayed her. Becca was staring straight in front of her, brown eyes empty of any emotion yet full of doubts and insecurities.

“Rebecca.” His whisper clapped like thunder in the eerie silence of the library.

She snapped out of her trance and offered him a smile. “Sorry, did you say something, Lo?”

Gods above, help me.

Loki sighed, pulling a chair beside her and sinking down. Even seated, he was still significantly taller than her, but she found that she felt a little less nervous when he tried to get on her level. It was a kindness, she knew, but the concern buried deep in his gaze did little to make her feel better. If anything, she felt worse. If she had stayed in the jet, if she had followed directions, who would she be today? Could she be able to sleep? Could she stop waking up in cold sweats at all hours of the morning?

“Dearest, talk to me.” The use of pet names were few and far between with Loki. He much preferred calling anyone “hey, you” or “imbecile come here”. So the use of a term of endearment…

Did she really look in that dire a state?

“Tony sent you, huh?” Becca thought she might as well deflect until he felt uncomfortable. That usually worked.

“No, I sent myself,” he assured, frowning. The expression he received in exchange screamed you’ve gotta be kidding me. “Though Tony expressed interest in also knowing how you were,” he admitted and Becca rolled her eyes. Swallowing whatever shard of emotion that was attempting to convince him to let the whole thing go, he craned his neck until his gaze could easily fix on hers. “You cannot go on like this, you know it. You cannot keep replaying scenarios in hopes of finding a loophole to villainize yourself with.”

I know the further I go The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed And somehow I’ve fallen in love With this middle ground at the cost of my soul

Becca groaned, the sincerity in his voice making the pit in her stomach grow larger. The edges of her perfectly crafted calmness began to fray and she was sure that the god could easily feel it unraveling under his stare. “It can’t be this simple, Loki.” She couldn’t live her life without feeling guilty, she meant. Surely, she had to spend the rest of eternity purging herself of these demons before she could allow herself even a morsel of comfort. If not, was she not just a monster?

Loki chuckled drily, placing a hand on her shoulder and its weight felt like a welcome balm to her shot nerves. “Who said anything about simple? You took lives. Nothing about that is simple. Believe me, I understand. But, on rare occasions, the ends do justify the means.”

Her head fell, hanging between her shoulders in a sign of defeat she should have never had to deal with. Stark shouldn’t have asked her to come on the mission, but she saved ten of the two dozen from dying in battle due to faults in their equipment. She saved him from what she thought was certain death (and might have been). Her heart was too good for this dark, sludgy world of his, he knew.

He wanted to hate it, to scoff at her naivety, at her hopefulness for the rotting lump that was her world. He couldn’t. He craved it, instead, and wondered how he had ever lived his thousand plus years without that little beacon of hope.

His chest hurt. Loki supposed that was the place his heart was meant to be, and the phantom organ had clenched at her tears, once she had managed to face him again.

She sniffed. “I don’t know if I can live with that.”

Yet I know, if I stepped aside Released the controls you would open my eyes That somehow, all of this mess Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life In precious metals

“I can,” he said simply. The surety of his voice and the clear lack of remorse made her something inside her feel warm like lava, rather than a fireplace’s hearth. She shuddered at his set expression and the glimmer of bloodlust in his stare. “I would have killed a hundredfold more, if it meant bringing you back safe. I will never live to regret that.” Loki was surprised to find that none of these words were a lie. He didn’t want her dead. He wanted her to thrive. He wanted her not to feel this gnawing emptiness that followed the taking of life. “You are my friend and you’re worth many more than that.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but thanks, anyway,” she muttered.

“Would I lie to you?” Never in his life had he wished for someone to ignore his nature and reply in the negative, than he did right now.

Becca’s mouth twisted in a reluctant smile. “Absolutely.” His heart clenched again, and this time there was no doubt about it. “But I don’t think you are.”

A long stretch of silence encompassed them.

“I want to return.”

“Return?” He frowned.

“To the field.” She sighed, pulling her shoulders back and sitting up straight. He had seen that pose before, when she was resolute to solve an issue or dissect a conundrum. He saw it when she had run from the jet and skidded to a stop beside him. “The reason I’ve been feeling so miserable is that fact that I feel awful about what I’ve done, but I can’t ever leave you guys out there alone, again. Not after what I’ve seen. And I’ve never felt this conflicted.”

“It’s what we signed up for, dove,” he assured, tucking a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear with incredible gentleness. “You needn’t worry about us. We’ll be perfectly fine as long as you’re there to greet us back.”

“That’s like telling me I don’t have to worry about the sky suddenly turning green. I’m going to do it, anyway.” Becca wasn’t sure why, but she followed up his silent question. “I’m going to get my training certifications back up-to-date, log in some time on local raids, and I’m joining missions.”

“Darling, you don't–”

“I’m going back! That’s final!” Becca snapped so loudly that Loki jumped, startled, and leaned back ever so slightly.

He blinked a few times to live down his surprise and offered her a nod. “Then, I will dutifully follow.” He smirked, nudging her side playfully. “Someone has to keep you alive.” Lest I attempt to destroy this pathetic planet, once more.

He hated that this was his first thought, but he knew he would follow her to Helheim and back to see her through. He needed to protect that light, that shine, that glow.

I’ll go anywhere you want me

#Loki #Angst #Others #Submitted fic #submission #atlas space #mercury #Fanfictrashdump #chapter 2

21 notes · View notes

carbrakes-and-stakes · 4 years

Text

Built for better things | Nell & Alain

Where : Alain’s house (x) Summary : Nell asks Alain for help with the Ring, old scars emerge.

Nell was well aware that she was most likely the last person Alain expected to see on his doorstep. But he’d blocked her online, so she couldn’t warn him that way. And even though she technically had his phone number, she didn’t particularly feel the need to let him know she was coming. Part of her took pleasure in hopefully catching him by surprise, and putting him a little off-kilter. After all, this wasn’t a position she’s ever enjoyed being in, aka asking for information from someone who she didn’t see eye to eye with in the least. However, Alain was the only person she knew that was no longer connected to the Ring, and would most likely have information she wanted. Now that she was free, she wanted the Ring to hurt, and to stop them from torturing innocent lives. She raised a hand to the door, her newly heavily scarred arms on display as she knocked. “Hey, Alain! Guess who!” she called out, already prepared to savor the look on his face when he opened the door.

It was a drowsy looking Alain that opened the door. It was not exactly the time for a nap, but having a lot of sleep to catch up on, he had fallen asleep on his couch while reading Audrey’s notes. He had hoped that somewhere, perhaps, she had written about maras. After all, she was a beast hunter, but he had so far ended up empty handed. Confused at first, this first emotion let room for anger as he slammed the door shut. No, this was not something he wanted to be doing today. This probably had to do with him and Remmy. Either she was here to yell at him, either she was here to mock him about this. It would have been insane to think that the zombie wouldn’t tell everyone they knew, that they saved the life of the very person who had tried to kill them. “I am not in the mood, Nell, go away,” his back against the door, he waited, hoping that this would suffice. Clearly, he did not want to fight, again.

Apparently, Nell had got Alain in the middle of his beauty rest. “Sorry, did I interrupt your skincare routine?” she yelled through the door, not sounding apologetic in the least. Nevertheless, she stood her ground, crossing her recently healed arms over her chest, signaling that she had no intentions of leaving. “It can’t be a very good routine if you still look like that.” She did her best not to think of the time Alain had called her a piece of shit over text as she bit her tongue, knowing this was not the time for a fight if she wanted to pick his brain for information. No doubt he’d lord it over her that she’d come to him for assistance. “We can talk through the door if you want. That’s fine,” she said haughtily before speaking once more. “I just came here...about the Ring.” She let the word hang in the air, the only real thing that bonded her and the Hunter on the other side of the door. Had he heard about the breakout?

“C’est pas possible d’être aussi chiante. Il est quoi ? 10 heures ?” Alain mumbled to himself. He had a look at the clock on the wall. 10.35am. Close enough. If he was going to talk to her, he would need a good amount of coffee. Scratching at his beard, he left the door and went to the kitchen, opening the window so she could hear him speak. “What about the fucking Ring ?” If he had checked his phone this morning, he probably would have had a clue of why she was here. The place was terrible, but he had been happy to find it when he needed a well paying job. It was a place that made him feel useful, then, but he did not miss it, now. Why? Multiple reasons. The major one was that it reminded him of what he had lost. Audrey had gone missing while she was recruiting for them. Often he had wondered if things would have gone so wrong if he had kept working there. They made quite the team, back then. “Are you aware that one of your friend works there? Is this what this is about?” He had poured himself a cup of coffee, and perhaps as a gesture of peace, placed a second cup on the window ledge, for her. Whatever this was about would be a nice distraction from the things he had on his mind lately.

Yet again, Nell rolled her eyes at his dramatics of not even letting her in the house. Not that it really mattered. She’d yell at him through a window if that’s what he wanted. “Well-” she began, not entirely sure how to get this started. “First things first— recognize this?” With that she held her arm up to the window, scars and all along with the metal bracelet they’d put on her for the kidnapping. The thing was dead now, but they hadn’t yet figured how to get it off without killing the person it was on. That being said, she wasn’t sure if he’d recognize the magic-inhibiting bracelet. After all, the Ring didn’t keep that many spellcasters around in imprisonment, them often being more trouble than they were worth. As for her friend working there… “Yeah, Remmy mentioned you know they worked there. That was my fault. I introduced them to it. But we don’t work there anymore.” Nevertheless, she was somewhat surprised by the offer of the coffee, and began to sniff it suspiciously.

Sipping on his cup of coffee, he took a seat on the kitchen counter fronting the window and rubbed at his chin and jaw for a moment, avoiding her eyes. He did recognize those bracelets. They had slightly changed since he had left, but he could only guess that it was only to make them even more effective. “I do recognize this,” he finally conceded, looking at her this time. You could tell that he was worried from the slight frown on his forehead. What had she done to end up with that thing on her wrist? They had similar devices back then to force shifting in some, and block it in others. Obviously, they also were great to keep your talented fighters from getting away. Alain knew how hard it was to find proper talents, after all, it had been his job for almost a decade. “Why ? You worked there. You knew it was a terrible place.” If there was one thing he would haven’t done, it would have been to tell his friends to start working or fighting for the Ring. Getting out of here in one piece was not exactly an option. Now he doubted that Nell wanted to get lectured about this, but he hoped that she understood how awful that decision was. “You don’t work there anymore, but you still have this on your wrist,” he observed. Something did not add up. He watched her sniff at her cup of coffee, but kept his mouth shut. All things considered, he was not too paranoid for someone who had lived his whole life being an enemy to a whole community of things in town. “We need to get rid of that thing,” standing up, he headed to the front door and walked outside. However, a question remained. She did not come here to tell him that she and Remmy had left the Ring. They had not spoken in months (and the blame was shared), and so, there had something else that she came here for. “Is that why you’re here?”

“Yeah, well here’s the thing,” Nell began, “I didn’t know it was a terrible place. Or well- I knew it wasn't the best place but- I didn’t realize they took innocent creatures and people and forced them to fight. Or that they imprison witches who dare tell them to fuck off after putting a collar of her zombie friend.” She thought it was fairly obvious that the last portion of that sentence was referring to herself. “I thought the people bringing the creatures in had the same...rules that I did. I was obviously wrong, though.” Nell was tempted to ask if Alain knew how terrible it had been, but decided not to for the sake of momentary peace, and the information she was looking to get out of him. “Yeah, Luce is working on a way to get it off without killing us,” Nell began nonchalantly, as if they were talking about the weather. “Since, you know- usually only the one who puts them on can take them off and everything unless they like...transfer ownership.” As he walked outside, she turned to him, satisfied that she’d apparently caught his interest. “I’m here because...I want to make the Ring regret ever touching me or Remmy or anyone else who didn’t deserve it in the first place. And I think you might be able to help.”

“Nell, what do you think they needed hunters for ? Audrey and I had one job to find and at least to a certain extent, tame creatures. The feral ones, they clearly don’t ask to be here,” he sighed. There was no way she did not realize that this place was bad. “You once told me that you only brought the “worse” in, but that is not your call to make. Vampires are the worst to me, doesn’t mean it’s true for everyone,” he deadpanned and shook his head. This was not the kind of debate he wanted to start here, but he hoped that she would realize that none of what she had done there was better than whatever he did then, especially now that she came asking for his help, and he was nice enough not to rub it in her face. It was an understatement to say that their last argument had left him with a sour taste in his mouth, after all. “Luce, right.” He shook his head, as if to say don’t know her. But that did not really matter. “I mean, there’s nothing a few tools can’t do,” although he felt like approaching her with anything he had in his garage would not feel very reassuring. “Alright, I’ll leave it to Luce, then,” he declared as he sat down at the table under the shade of an umbrella pine tree. Looking up, his eyes narrowed on a nest in the branches. This was new, and he wondered who was in there. “That’s funny,” he spoke to himself, sipping again on his coffee as he listened to Nell. Ah, revenge. “You worked there, you know how big their influence is,” leaning back in his chair, he sighed. “There’s only a handful of people who chose to work here. You and I, for instance. We are the exception,” clearly, the other 95% were either stuck in cages, or tied with debts. “Anyway, you know I hate this place,” she didn’t per say know why, but he did hate it, “how do you want me to help?”

“I didn’t come here to get told how blind I was, Alain,” Nell quipped back neatly, not exactly looking for a fight, but certainly not condoning the shame he was bringing up in her for her lack of knowledge. “And I did only bring in the worst. I was just wrong in assuming others did the same. I’m also not here to talk about our differences in opinion when it comes to what’s worse and what’s not.” No doubt that would only lead to another yelling match. She and Alain didn’t need to be friends, or even on the same page, they just needed to have a shared goal in the form of the Ring. Nell often forgot the whole town didn’t know of the Vural sisters and their link, so she quickly clarified, “My sister. Luce is my other sister. Not Bea, obviously.” As for the tools, “Maybe in your time, old man. But tinkering with it is what’s most likely to get me killed now so- I‘d rather not fuck with it until we know more about how exactly it works. I’ve seen the results of what happens when you fuck it up.” There’d been enough creatures in the cages desperate enough to try and gnaw it off, and they’d quickly perished. “Yes, it’s workers are limited which is why I’m here. As for helping...I want to find records. Something that will help me better weed out all the people that need to be taken care of, and made sure they don’t keep doing what they’re doing. Do you know where there’s a record room or something?” As for not liking them, her curiosity got the better of her when it came to that. “Why did you quit, anyway?”

“Well that’s a shame, because that’s what you get,” if she expected a red carpet, a bouquet of flowers and a hug, she could fuck right back to party city, or wherever the fuck she came from. Certainly it was not hell, or else she wouldn’t keep on defending monsters. Only people who had seen hell could know how hunters felt. “I’m sorry, you are obviously a model of virtue and kindness. How kind of you. Let’s get you a ribbon that reads goodest goody two shoes,” she couldn’t believe that she was better than the rest because she brought the worst, could she? Of course, she could. Hypocrites. Alain breathed out sharply and shook his head. Besides, who was she to decide who was bad or not? Certainly not someone who was going to defend a monster because it happened to be her friend. He finished his cup of coffee and crossed his arms over his chest, not quite convinced by her offer yet. “And you think your sister will know how to get you rid of that thing?” Okay. If she was so confident in that, who was he to question it. “Speaking of, Blanche, she went there, didn’t she?” If he had tried his best to stay calm when Blanche told him this, and that she had broken a bone too, it did not mean that he was less concerned about her. In fact, he was concerned for Nell too, even if he sucked at showing it. “You two are gonna end up getting yourself killed if you keep going like that,” he rubbed at his face and sighed. Somehow, he doubted that they would stop getting into trouble once this would all be solved, just like he did not, no matter how close he got to dying sometimes. He reassured himself with his accelerated healing, telling himself that at least, it was no big deal to him. Besides, he was already pretty old, all things considered. These kids, they had their whole life ahead of them. “I doubt they moved rooms around since I left,” he finally replied, a slight frown still on his face, “although I haven’t been seen there in over a decade,” still, he had left the Ring in good terms with the owner, and he doubted coming back would be an issue. “Alright.” He rubbed his beard and sighed. “And what exactly do I gain from this?” They had fucked up, messing with The Ring like that, and clearly, that was not his problem. He had his own things to be dealing with, and he doubted that they would return the favor. “Why I quit is none of your business,” Alain barely spoke of Audrey, and Nell was not the first person he wanted to discuss her with. He looked as if he had completely shut down, for a moment, lost in his thoughts, and clearly lost in his sorrow. “I wanted to build something better,” was all he added before he stood up. You could easily guess whether it was to enjoy the breeze, or to hide the look on his face.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Nell reflexively cursed, her temper quickly rising. She’d truly come here with the best of intentions, intending to have a moment of neutrality rather than whatever Alain was trying to dig up. Not one to generally have the best hold on her anger, her fist clenched tight, trying to force the bubbling emotions into that tiny corner of her body. Think of all the people you can help with Alain’s help, she reminded herself. Focus on that so you can get through this bullshit. Try not to engage. “I’ve literally never acted like I’m some model of virtue or whatever else you think I think I am. And we’ve talked about this before over text. When you kindly reminded me that I’m a piece of shit and I fucking agreed. I know that I fuck up and make mistakes.” Her fist began to shake, remembering what she’d seen in the mirrors at the carnival as she held it even tighter. “I don’t know what the fuck you always think you’re going to get from trying to make me, a girl that’s literally half your age, feel like shit by constantly berating her. But I don’t give a shit!” she finished the sentence with a high pitch to her tone, momentarily losing the togetherness she was trying to hold onto. Another long breath and she was back. “I don’t give a shit if you like me or not. Either you’ll help me or not. And if you won’t, then I have nothing more to say to you.” She ignored the comment about Luce and the bracelet, done with talking about things that weren’t what she’d come here for. If Alain was going to be as difficult as possible, Nell would keep this to the barest of bones, no outside talk. She wasn’t even sure where the mention of Blanche had come from, as she hadn’t mentioned her friend, but if Alain wanted information about the medium, he wouldn’t get it from Nell. “Ask her if you’re wondering. That’s also not what I’m here for.” As for getting themselves killed. “Probably. Don’t know where you get the audacity to act as if you care though when literally all you’ve ever done is try to knock me off whatever pedestal you think I’ve put myself on. When I’ve never done anything of the sort.” Nell barely resisted rolling her eyes as he seemed to demand something in return. “I don’t know, Alain. The warm fuzzy feeling of doing something good? And not letting innocent lives get taken?” But if he wanted to build something better, perhaps that was her in. “Then help to build something better, by helping me. It’s not for me.” She wasn’t sure what to make of the way his tone had suddenly shifted into something more somber, but Nell clinged to this small, potential in. “If you want to change it, then change it.”

“When you started saying that some things deserved to die, and some don’t.” To have the nerve to claim that you could judge and condemn others like she did, that’s what he called putting yourself on a pedestal, and adopting an holier-than-thou attitude. Now if you had to ask why he was so annoyed by it? Well good question. Hard to say that he and Nell ever really got along. They had been clashing since the day they met. So why ? Well, it was quite simple. Childish, in every sense of the term. She reminded him of a much younger Alain, one that did not care for the consequences, for what people thought, or for the feelings he would hurt. It had taken someone knocking him down from that tricky position to get a first idea of what life could be without all this violence. That someone had been Audrey. The hunter, lost in his thoughts, didn’t react to anything else she said, until she reached that high pitch, and brought a frown to his face. Ouch. Alain, looking down at her, remained quiet for a few more seconds, as he tried to process what she just said to him. She was being honest, that much he was sure of, and that might have been what worried him. It makes you feel like shit because that’s exactly how I want you to feel about hunting,” pinching at the bridge of his nose, he sighed. Being a hunter, was a huge part of his life, and he could not understand, at all, why she would willingly pick this for herself, when it was the one thing about him that he often wished he could get rid of, his ability to hunt, but also, the fact that at the end of the day, he was not just a normal person, living a normal life. Having spent most of his days putting himself in danger, he had reached this moment in his life when he was tired, completely, entirely exhausted of being here to help others, save others, protect others. Quite ironically so, he had never done this for others. First, it was to impress his father, then it was because he had a sense of duty like not many did. But now, he was tired, and entangled in his responsibilities as a hunter. Alain breathed in, and out, deeply, again. “You, are me, 20 years ago,” he finally explained, “making the same choices, the same mistakes too,” oh he had hurt himself badly, so many times, and just like her, he always got up, ready to show the other cheek. “And I did not give a shit either, but unlike you, I had no one who gave a shit about whether I lived or died. No, one.” His sisters, he had pushed them away. His parents, he had pushed them away, in their graves. And his first year at the Ring, he had spent it pushing everyone away. It was a miracle, that he survived being so lonely, and that might be what would save her, the fact that she had people looking out for her. “See, you won’t even accept that perhaps, I do care a bit for your well being,” if he smiled, his smile looked nothing but cheerful. Melancolia, sadness, and worry. “I do something good every time a spawn turns to dust,” this much he knew for sure. There was nothing but benevolence in getting humans rid of those, “I don’t need guidance through the dark night,” his arms crossed over his chest, he found himself once again thinking of Audrey, who unlike him, had gotten lost into that dark night. “I have to build something better, for me,” his voice faltered, almost to the point of breaking, on those last two words. He kept his back turned toward her. “Now you made it sound so fucking easy, but look at me, I’m old, broken and fucking sour.” A pause. “I’m sorry Nell, I should have been a better person, to you.”

“Alain, that’s literally the exact same thing that you do,” Nell managed to say through gritted teeth. He chose every day whether something would die or not, whether it be a vampire, zombie, or otherwise. But his words about feeling like hunting and making her feel like shit didn’t quite satisfy her, and she was quick to tell him as much. “No, it and hunting don't make me feel like shit. You do. You, Alain Babineaux, go out of your way to bully me and then you have the fucking audacity to call it a god damned lesson of all things.” Her rage was building, the air beginning to crackle in the slightest with the feel of pooling magic, though she was trying her best not to let it build too far. How many times had her mother tried to teach a lesson through the same means? How many times had Nisa rained shame, and disdain on her and then turned around and told her it was for her own good? That it was to help her be better. And how many times had she believed that, before realizing that even if her mother was trying to make her better— that didn’t make it okay that Nell felt small and self-destructive at the end of those lessons. “Learn better fucking ways to teach whatever the hell you’re trying to teach or leave me the fuck alone. Because I’m not going to stand here and let you say you’re hurting me for the sake of making me better.” She’d had enough of that in her lifetime, and she wouldn’t let it happen anymore. “And take responsibility for yourself.” Nell balked at the claim that they were alike shaking her head as she calmed in the slightest, the magic resting back beneath her skin. “You don’t know me. You don’t know the first thing about me. If you did, you’d know better than to try and teach me a lesson that way. “You don’t know anything about my mistakes, and you don’t deserve to know. I give a shit. Just not about you.” Perhaps the words sounded harsh, but at this point— they were the truth. And if Alain didn’t like, she’d resigned herself to finding some other way to get the Ring’s secrets. She didn’t know what he wanted her to say as he mentioned no one caring for him, not particularly in the mindset to offer comfort to the man who continued to anger her again and again. Her voice was hard as she spoke again, cold instead of hot as she turned to stone. Again here he was attempting to say that he cared for her, when all he’d done was try and tear her down. No more. Not after what she’d gone through with her mother. “I don’t accept you caring because I value myself enough to know that I can do better than someone who preys on all the parts of me that I like the least, and then calls it helping. I don’t want it, if that’s what you call ‘caring’. I know better now.” She knew better because she’d gotten friends along the way, friends like Winston and Jared and Blanche. As Alain’s voice broke with emotion, Nell waited, trying to see if he would come to a conclusion on whether or not to help. Instead, she was surprised when an apology came, and it showed briefly on her features. That was new. “You should have,” she simply said in response, not willing to give forgiveness at a time like this. “But I’m tired of talking about the two of us. The Ring isn’t about us. So let’s do it, then. Let’s build something better.”

Wow, the audacity of that girl. Yes, girl. She wanted to be treated like a grown up but it was tantrum after tantrum, after tantrum. She spoke with the maturity of a teenager, relying on insults and basic rhetoric to get her point through. Alain was not impressed, although he did not expect to be. She spoke like she knew the first thing about being bullied, but he doubted that she ever had to spend a good part of her life thinking the cause to all her problems was herself. Alain had been told, from the moment he was old enough to understand it, that he was a mistake, that he shouldn’t exist, and that the only reason he was here, was to rid the Earth of the monsters that were the undead. An insult to nature and God’s work. He had lost faith in God a while back, but he still remained convinced that the undead could not be. You lived your life, and then you died. The end. An eternal life was a life without meaning and it was death that gave meaning to his life, or Nell’s. Both of them wanted to experience things before it happened, and both of them wanted to help others, before it happened. “You think this is a fucking lesson? You keep repeating that I wanna teach you something, again, and again. Do I look like a goddamn teacher to you ?! DO I ?! You call me a fucking bully, which by the way, is fucking proof that you don’t fucking know me. You wanna know why I ended up working at the Ring? It was because Clare, the woman who ran this place, she told me that those skills I have, were special, that I could use them to help her. I was so fucking crushed as a person, when I arrived at the Ring, that this felt immediately like home to me. The Ring, it felt like HOME.” He shouted that last word, the pain and anger in his voice vibrating. What kind of fucked up person could for one second think that a place of death and torture was the ideal place to restart over. “You, you chose to be there, to work there, for the fucking thrill of it. Me, I just fit right in, because I was reduced to thinking that this was where I belong. You could have done anything else, you picked this. And now, you realize that it’s a bad place? Are you fucking kidding me?” He shook his head, the anger on his face leaving some room for disgust. He wasn’t even disappointed, no, he was past that. “I don’t believe that. You liked it, but now, it’s hard to justify it, is it?” He shook his head again, raising his shoulders and lifting his palms up, as if to say: consequences, sucks, doesn’t it? Alain didn’t even reply to that bit about her caring for people, just not him. Nah, she only cared for herself, and her friends, like many people. He did not blame her, it was hard to care for people you never met. Sure, you’d feel sad for a few, but life goes on. Hunters, they were raised having to care for the entire mankind. He doubted that she cared as much for zombies as she cared for Remmy, for instance. “I’m glad to see where you stand. We were raised differently, and we have different views, but I’m telling you to take some time to think about what you really want for your future,” turning around, he picked up the empty cups of coffee and retreated inside his home, putting down the cups in the sink then heading to the kitchen’s window. “Coming from me, I don’t assume you’ll listen,” he added, calmer, just like she was after his apology. “As for talking about yourself, I see that you don’t like that. I don’t blame you, I usually avoid the subject,” he scoffed, rubbing at this face with one hand. “I’m not sure I’m glad I told you all these things about me,” leaning his forearms against the window sill, he looked her in the eyes. “Doesn’t matter now.” He smiled, with melancholy in his eyes. Maybe he was scared of going back to that place. Oh no. He was. God knew what he would find there. The idea felt like ice running through his veins. “Like I said, the Ring is a place where I used to belong. It feels a bit personal to me.” Maybe it did not to her, but to him, it was special. “So, yeah, I will help you. And I’m pretty sure we’ll find things we don’t like, but if this means building something better, together, why not.” His arms crossed on the sill, he pursed his lips. “Maybe working together will bring us both growth, we’ll see.”

Alain couldn’t possibly know that Nell’s entire existence as of late was herself viewing herself as a problem, mistake after mistake being made, so she couldn’t expect him to right the wrong of him assuming she’d never known what it had felt like in any form. Of course, their lives had gone about it differently, but it was still wrong to think that she hadn’t experienced any form of seeing herself as the root of the problem, not when the Hall of Mirrors had shown that it was all she was thinking about these days. Either way, at least she hadn’t raised her voice in the way Alain had. Somehow it seemed she was dealing with this in a more mature way that he was, despite what he might think. Her tone was even calmer this time as she spoke as she shut down, building a protective emotional wall between herself and Alain. “If teaching a lesson isn’t what you meant, then I don’t know what it is you think you’re doing. But whatever it is, I don’t want it. I call you a bully, because that’s how I perceive you. Because all you’d done is bully me by dragging me down. So if that’s not a bully, I’d be happy to hear what it is.” Whatever he tried to call it, it didn’t matter. What else was she meant to call someone who constantly tried to make her feel like shit? “You don’t know why I chose to work there,” she deflected instantly. Because it was true. He didn’t know the first thing about her, and he’d made that much obvious in the past fifteen minutes or however long they’d been standing there. Certainly the thrill of the Ring had been alluring, but it had been the crowd that had made her stay, and the fact that she was good at what she did. It had been nice to have an aspect of her life where she succeeded and was praised rather than ignored or hit with backhanded compliments. “Think about me what you want. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re wrong.” If she’d known exactly how terrible the Ring was, she certainly wouldn’t have given them her in time in the first place. Anyone that knew even the surface concept of who she was would know that as well. “I never tried to justify it, and I never will. I know I made a mistake, and now I’m trying to fix it.” How could he not see that? Why else would she be here on the porch of a man she didn’t want anything to do with? As far as Nell was concerned, Alain had no right to tell her jackshit about her future. He hadn’t earned anything when it came to the witch standing before him. So she brushed past the comment, ignoring it, deciding this would be the way they had to interact if there was any promise of them working together. Her mind was static as he continued to speak, far too tired of trying to figure out whatever hoops he wanted her to jump through, though she didn’t have any desire to jump through them in the first place. “I know what it is to belong there,” was all she said, rather blank as her body continued to go into shut down mode, because of the way he’d so thoroughly attacked her emotions, now just protecting them at all costs. But at least he’d finally agreed to help. “Perfect. That’s all I came here for.” And now that she had his word that he would assist she could leave, and find some way to work herself out of the emotionally numb stupor he’d put her in. “I’ll be in contact.” And with that she turned on her heel, going back the way she came, and leaving the coffee on the window sill.

#wickedswriting #chatzy #para nell #para #built for better things

12 notes · View notes

kelyon · 4 years

Text

Nephila 2: Unexpected

The long-awaited (and totally unplanned) next chapter of Nephila, aka The One Where Rumple is a Giant Spider

In this chapter, Belle talks to Ruby and figures out what she needs to do

Read on AO3

In a perfect world, Belle French would have never known that you can buy pregnancy tests at the dollar store.

Wandering through the aisles of the Dahllah Hahbah, Belle imagined what that perfect world would be like. In a perfect world, she wouldn’t be alone for this trip--unless she had a plan to surprise the co-parent of her child, but even then she would probably have brought Ruby along with her. In a perfect world, she and her significant other would have gotten the most precise pregnancy test available. It probably would have been expensive, the sort of thing you need a prescription to get. In a perfect world, this would have been an expected baby, a wanted baby. In a perfect world, Belle would have already been trying to conceive, with the help of a committed partner. She would have been charting her cycle and taking her basal temperature and regularly injecting her uterus with human sperm.

In a perfect world, she wouldn’t have to specify human.

Without really thinking about what she was doing, Belle piled junk into the green plastic shopping cart. Halloween candy was half off, and the tiny packs of beef jerky were only a dollar. She had been especially hungry for meat lately. In the clearance section, orange and black spider decorations stared at her. Their googly eyes were equal parts friendly and ominous.

She backed away from the Halloween stuff, back into the comparative comfort of a Christmas display. She grabbed a box of candy canes and made her way to the check out lane.

The middle-aged cashier in a green polo shirt wore the dead-eyed glaze of someone who isn’t getting paid enough to express emotions on the clock. She didn’t talk to Belle as she scanned her purchases over the blinking red light. If she noticed the pregnancy test amidst all the junk food and paper products, she didn’t mention it.

And that was fine by Belle. She didn’t want people to mention it. She didn’t want it to be real. That was part of why she had gone to the next town over to make this surreptitious purchase. She didn’t want to run the risk of anyone recognizing her. Even if no one saw the test, even if they were supportive and encouraging, Belle didn’t want to think about what was happening at all. If not thinking about something could keep it from being real, then Belle would have no troubles in the world.

There was a used book store in this town, with a wider variety of subjects than the university store’s collection of last semester’s textbooks. Belle parked her car on the street and walked in. Maybe the smell of books would help her calm down.

It was the best kind of used book store, with towering shelves and hidden nooks and endless rooms leading into each other. There was even a cat wandering around, pestering patrons to pet her. Belle breathed deeply, content even in the sections that had no appeal to her. She brushed past cookbooks and theology, lingered briefly over a shelf of “Personal Relationship/Self-Help,” and eventually found herself in the most daunting section of all.

There were several copies of The Book. The book she didn’t want to admit she was looking for. After all The Book was the sort of thing the average woman only needed for nine months out of her life. Belle would probably donate her copy once all this was over with. However it would be over. However it could be over. There was so much that she didn’t know. It would be good, at least, to have a baseline of information, to know what was normal for a human woman carrying a human child.

She held The Book in one arm, making a conscious effort not to cradle it. As at the Dahllah Hahbah, she tried to camouflage The Book by surrounding it with decoys. She picked up a romance paperback, a history of lobster fishing, and a handbook for learning American Sign Language. After a moment of hesitation, Belle also pulled out a hardcover copy of Arachnology Through the Ages. When the stack of books was heavier than she could hold, Belle decided she was safe to check out.

Unlike the Dahllah Hahbah, this bookstore was staffed solely by the woman who owned the place--a retiree with her long hair in a loose bun and reading glasses on a chain around her neck. Midmorning on a Wednesday, she was obviously thrilled to chat up each and every customer who walked through the door.

“Looks like you got a good haul!” the woman said brightly.

Belle made herself smile and put the books on the counter. “It’s mostly gifts for people.”

“Early Christmas, that’s a smart move!” The owner began to ring up the books. “Oh, Texas Destiny is such a good read! Wait til you get to the part with the wild horses. Do you like horses?”

Her smile was still fixed in place. “A… little.” Belle didn’t give a shit about horses, but this was not the time to talk about it. Maybe if the shopkeeper was distracted by Texas Destiny, she wouldn’t notice--

“Oh!” The woman’s voice rose to a pitch that could only mean the worst thing in the world for Belle: She had seen The Book.

Belle could only be grateful that there was no one else in the store when the woman held up the copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

The shopkeeper looked Belle up and down, her smile even wider than before. “So can I say congratulations?”

Belle bit her lip and looked down. “Maybe? I--I don’t really know yet.”

“Oh sweetie!” the woman said. “If you’re buying this book, then you know. And even if it’s not this time, it’ll be soon, I can tell. You look very fertile.”

Mortified, cheeks blazing red, Belle couldn’t say anything.

The woman just kept talking. “This is the gold standard for moms-to-be. And they say it’s easy to read, doesn’t make anything too science-y.”

At that, Belle found her voice. “I’m actually working on my PhD at the University of Maine. I’ve already completed my masters in Zoology. Science-y stuff doesn’t bother me.”

The shopkeeper took that in stride. “And your... husband? Boyfriend? Partner? What do they do?”

Lives in a cave and spins gold webs, Belle thought but couldn’t say. Instead she pulled out her wallet. “It’s kind of complicated. Where do I swipe my card?”

“Oh, we’re cash only, sweetie.”

“Sure,” Belle barely kept the annoyance out of her voice as she put away her debit card and pulled out the twenty she saved for emergencies. “Of course you are.”

****

When she got back to her crappy apartment, Belle thoroughly read and re-read the instructions on the pregnancy test. She wanted to believe that this was a complicated, mysterious process. Maybe she had been wrong the whole time. Maybe she had misread the signs and miscalculated the dates since her last period. Maybe she would go to the bathroom and find her underwear stained with blood, wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be so much better than the alternative?

Overthinking was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the longer Belle dithered and avoided the inevitable, the more worked-up she found herself getting. She would have less anxiety as soon as she had some idea of what was happening.

On the other hand, every second she didn’t know if she was pregnant was another second when she could pretend she definitely wasn’t pregnant. It could be true. She could be just imagining things. But she wouldn’t know until she peed on the goddamned stick.

Before she began, she set the kettle on for a cup of tea. By the time the water boiled, it was done. Belle held her mug of Earl Grey close to her chest and looked down at the little blue plus sign.

It had happened.

She was pregnant.

From a motherfucking spider!

****

“I’m coming over and I’m bringing margarita mix!”

Ruby’s voice was loud, even considering the amplification of being on speakerphone. She had to shout to be heard over the noise of the road and the static of her phone and the pounding of Belle’s blood in her ears.

Belle had managed to keep her composure for five entire minutes before the reality of her situation had come crashing down over her head and left her a sobbing mess. In her distress, she’d called her best friend, and Ruby had answered with her usual love language: girl time and booze.

“But I can’t drink!” Belle wailed. “I’m fucking pregnant and tequila will fucking kill my baby!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll drink your tequila, and you can just have the lime juice. Vitamin C is good for zygotes, right?”

“I don’t know.” Trying to pull herself together, Belle wiped her eyes with the heel of her hands. There were all kinds of vitamins she needed to be taking now--or at least, there would be if she was having a human baby. What would a spider baby need? What kind of thing had taken up residence in her body? “I don’t know anything!”

“Okay, okay,” Ruby tried to soothe her. “Don’t panic. Everything will be worse if you panic. I am so close to your apartment, Belle. Just hang on until I get there. How about you look at the table of contents for your new book?”

Normally, there was nothing that calmed Belle down more than reading the table of contents to a book. There was something so comforting about knowing the progression of a text, to have all the steps and developments laid out in a simple outline, to get little teases as to the meat of the book. It was like reading the menu before sitting down to a feast, anticipating all the good things to come.

But if Belle looked at the table of contents to What to Expect When You’re Expecting, she would be peeking into the progression of the next nine months of her life, and that was not a timetable she could think about right now.

“I’ll be okay,” she told Ruby through wobbling lips. “Are you bringing food, too?”

“What, you think I’m an amature? I’m gonna hang up now so you don’t hear me freak out about parallel parking, but I’ll be up soon, hun. Okay?”

“Okay.” Belle nodded, even though Ruby couldn’t see it. She hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

Ruby’s breezy confidence was exactly what Belle needed right now. It made her feel normal, even in the middle of the most un-normal thing she’d ever heard of. Ruby had been an RA while they were undergrads, a faithful post-breakup bar companion, and the recipient of teary late-night calls from friends going back to her high school days. She knew everything about how to deal with someone who was scared and alone and crying her eyes out. Belle wasn’t the first person to call Ruby up in tears, and she wouldn’t be the last.

It helped to think that her problems were not unique. Every day, women all around the world discovered that they had an unplanned pregnancy. For every one of them, it was the end of one world and the beginning of another. And Belle was just the same. The unorthodox manner of conception didn’t change the fact that Belle was merely one of thousands or millions of women who had been put in this exact same situation since the dawn of time. And, like so many of her countless sisters, Belle found solace in reaching out to other women, to find help and comfort and solidarity.

Laden with grocery bags, Ruby burst through the unlocked door like an inverse Santa Claus. Instead of a fat old man bearing gifts for the nice, Ruby was a skinny young woman offering solace to someone who had been decidedly naughty. Belle was more happy to see her friend than she had been on any Christmas morning of her life.

“Hey,” she tried, with a watery smile.

“Baby!” Ruby dropped the bags on the ground and pulled Belle in for a hug. “Or--no. That was a bad choice of words, wasn’t it? How do you feel? Am I allowed to say the B-word?”

Belle laughed and cried at the same time. “It’s fine,” she shook her head. “Don’t worry about saying the word ‘baby.’ That’s what it is, kinda.”

Ruby let Belle go and started unpacking her bags. “I know,” she said. “But ‘baby’ is an emotionally charged word. We can say ‘embryo,’ if that makes things easier on you. We’re almost doctors, Belle. We can be scientific about this.”

Scientifically, the word we should use is ‘larva,’ Belle thought but didn’t say. Ruby was her best friend and the most supportive person in the world right now. But even she would balk if she knew what Belle had really been up to on her trip to Australia.

Together, they cleared the clutter and books off the coffee table. Then Ruby made Belle sit on the couch and watch while she spread out her feast.

“Okay, so the tequila is just for me, but I did bring Sprite--it’s caffeine free and it’ll work with the margarita mix. Additionally, chips and gauc, cheese puffs, cheesecake bites, chocolate chip cookies--”

“Did you sort your shopping list alphabetically?”

“And--” Ruby went on, “a whole goddamned rotisserie chicken. I figured we could just rip into it with our hands like old-timey kings, like we’re going to throw the bones on the floor for the dogs.”

Belle let out an incredulous giggle. “That’s ridiculous! And perfect. Thank you so much, Ruby.”

“Oh! I also got this fancy salt for our margaritas. It’s made with black ants! Can you believe that?”

“Ants?” Belle whispered as her hand drifted over her stomach. Suddenly nauseous, she leapt off the couch and ran to the bathroom.

When she finished throwing up, Belle stayed on the ground next to the toilet. Ruby had lingered in the doorway but didn’t come in until Belle was done. She offered her a glass of water and Belle took it gratefully. Ruby sat on the edge of the bathtub, her face full of concern.

“Has the morning sickness been bad?”

“I don’t know if this is bad, I’ve never had it before!” Belle took a sip of water and closed her eyes. “Isn’t it supposed to be bad? Isn’t pregnancy supposed to be divine punishment for promiscuity?”

“If it’s punishment for anything, it’s for poor planning. I thought you were on the pill?”

Belle shook her head. “I kept it up for a few months after Will and Ana got back together for the fifth time, but when it looked like they were sticking I didn’t bother to refill my prescription. I don’t have sex with men often enough to justify taking a pill every day.”

“Except for when you do.”

“Yeah,” Belle took another drink. “Except for when I do.”

Ruby took a breath and rubbed her hands over her knees. “Listen, you know I’m here for you no matter what, right?”

Belle was still shaky, but she rested in that certainty. “Right.”

“And I’m not going to pressure you or make you do anything. You don’t even have to make any decisions today, okay?”

“Okay.”

“But I gotta ask: Belle, what do you want to do? Have you thought about your options? Do you want to keep it? Do you want to… not keep it?”

Leaning her head back against the cool tile of her bathroom wall, Belle opened her eyes slowly. It had been such an ordeal to even confirm that she was pregnant, the thought of what came next had been too much to consider until now.

She took a deep breath, eight counts in, eight counts out.

“I think ‘abortion’ is an even more emotionally charged word than ‘baby.’”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Ruby said. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I can drive you to Planned Parenthood, I’ll be with you every step of the way. If that’s what you want.”

“I know,” Belle said softly. Ruby’s support was unconditional. She would paint a nursery or hold Belle through a difficult procedure, both with equal willingness and sincerity.

But Belle had an instinctive terror at the thought of going to a doctor’s office in her condition. What would a real urine test reveal about the nature of her child? What kind of image would show up on an ultrasound? Even if she wanted to get rid of this thing, would a regular abortion procedure work? Or would they have to go into her uterus with insecticide?

“I don’t want to go to a doctor,” she said softly.

Ruby’s eyes widened. “But you have to go to an OB! Or even just talk to Victor. I mean, if you’re going to stay pregnant, you have to stay healthy and safe.”

“I know,” Belle closed her eyes again. What could she say? How could she explain any of this? “But… I… I don’t know what will happen.”

“What, like with insurance or something?”

Belle’s eyes shot open. That worked. “Yeah,” she lied. “I don’t want to deal with crazy medical bills.”

Ruby nodded thoughtfully. “Does Australia have universal health care?”

Now it was Belle’s turn to nod, slowly, saying words only slightly after the thoughts came into her head. “We… do. I should go back home… because of the healthcare.”

“Yeah, no, you definitely should. Besides, your parents are there!”

At the mention of her parents, Belle’s tenuous hope crumpled. “Oh God!” she let out a wrenching cry. “My parents are gonna kill me!”

“Nooo,” Ruby crooned. She slid off the bathtub edge and joined Belle on the floor, pulling her into her arms and slowly rocking her back and forth. “I know it’s scary, but parents can be okay with things. My mom didn’t want to tell Granny about me until I was almost born, but it all turned out fine!” She gave Belle a chaste kiss on the temple. “Even if your mom and dad freak out at first, they’ll come around soon. Babies are cute. They’re easy to like.”

Belle shook her head and let the tears fall silently. “Not this baby.”

“Don’t say that.” Ruby held Belle by the shoulders, twisting their bodies so they could look into each other’s eyes. “If you’re gonna keep this baby, Belle, you’ve got to own it. It will be a lovable baby because it will be your baby. You’ve got to fight for it! If you’re this thing’s mom, you have to be its biggest fan. Does that make sense?”

Still teary, Belle nodded. “It’s my baby, right or wrong.”

“Unless you want to go to Planned Parenthood. That is entirely up to you. But once you make that choice--” Ruby balled her hand into a fist and shook it in a display of fierce determination “--then it’s yours.”

“Mine,” Belle whispered. Her hand drifted down to her stomach. It was still flat and lifeless. There was nothing about her body that spoke of the life that grew inside her. Nothing that could tell her what manner of creature her child would become. But Ruby was right, it was hers. And not just hers. “I should tell the father too.”

“Yeah, you never mentioned what happened! Who was this guy? What was he like? How was the sex?”

“The sex was amazing,” Belle admitted with the candor of the overly distraught. “But it was just sort of a one-night stand. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again.”

“Do you want to see him again? Do you think he’ll want to be involved?”

“He’ll have to be involved,” Belle said with a dawning sense of relief.

Of course the creature in the cave would be a part of their offspring’s life. If she was going to give birth to a spider, then it would have to be raised by a spider! And that thing… that thing was intelligent. It could care for its young. Maybe it could even take care of Belle.

She just had to see him again.

Belle felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. As she stood up, she nearly floated off the bathroom floor. She offered her hand down to Ruby and helped her get up.

“Tomorrow morning, I have to call Dean Mills to see if someone can teach my classes for the rest of the semester.”

Ruby cocked her head at Belle. “And why is that?”

“Because I’m going back to Queensland.”

#Nephila #rumbelle #rumbelle fic #sorry there's no smut in this one #not a lot of spiders either #next time baby

22 notes · View notes

mcnypieces · 4 years

Text

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( They’re missing out )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( It’s subjective )

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO? ( This is... also subjective. )

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

How strictly do you follow canon?

As closely as possible, considering there’s not very much to work with in regards to his canon to begin with. There’s a lot of freedom in picking up any kind of minor canon character. I look mainly to expand on what little is present. I adore fleshing out even the smallest ideas so having something I can comfortably build on is great.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

Pica is loyal, beyond anything. Strong, well-built, and never wavering. Regardless of the situation, he is always on task, diligent to the last moment and perhaps longer. Devotion and collected functionality make a grand guardian. Always acts as a pillar; a collected foundation of a man centered around dedicated familial values. Being in contact with stone makes him nigh invincible, granting him not only the protective assimilation but the literal stature and appearance of a stone goliath given enough material. Strategic with respectable swordsmanship, constantly protective of what’s important. He’s nice on the eyes, quiet, and a good listener. There’s order and beauty laced within all that cataclysmic chaos just waiting to be found.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

Distant, stoic, absolutely terrible with expression that isn’t hateful and violent. Pica is very strict, lacking a sense of humor. His voice is extremely disruptive. The smallest remarks set his short fuse alight and it burns on and on until there’s nothing left. That murderous intent settles for very few things, and getting him to open up is a long, grueling process. He’s self-conscious but in an overbearingly cocky way, in that pride often masks everything genuine. He thinks very highly of himself and looks down on other people constantly. He’s uncooperative, constantly wrapped up in solemn business, and heavily against indirect methods. Abrasiveness is a weapon and he uses it without remorse. Stubbornness and general unwillingness to speak with strangers make attempting to converse with him the equivalent of talking to a wall. Pica is impatience, wrath, and apathy tied together with coarse cobblestone.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

As odd as it sounds, I found certain parts of Pica relatable in very specific, personal ways. People never took me seriously when I was upset because I was so small ( sometimes they still don’t dskdsks- ). For awhile when I was younger my voice was really deep and hoarse due to adenoid issues. Speaking in general was hard, because breathing was hard. It made me sound very masculine, especially over any kind of voice-only system. Normally adenoids aren’t an issue at that point because they’re vestigial and tend to essentially be shrunk down to nothing. But something ( probably fighting off infections and never shrinking/bad allergies, nobody knows ) blew mine up and they were blocking 3/4ths of my airway for ages without anyone having any idea what was going on until it got bad enough to the point it was obvious something was wrong. I couldn’t have any stuffed animals in my room because it was legitimately dangerous and a lot of my non hypoallergenic stuff had plastic covers on it. Made me really sad. Eventually they were surgically removed, and it cleared up my breathing and in time my voice was relatively normal. Before then, nothing felt worse to me then than struggling to breathe trying to defend myself in tandem with all the emotional stress it brought on me.

I was always quiet and distant otherwise, and a lot of people thought I was just weird and unapproachable ( unless you wanted a laugh, anyway ). There were days before I made my small group of good friends I’d just spend sitting under the stairwell up against a wall eating lunch by myself. I’m probably one of the few people that listened to Pica talk for the first time and didn’t immediately burst into laughter. I didn’t completely click with him at that point, but watching that one little thing turn into a running gag constantly coming back to undermine everything else that was amazing about him really set my feelings in stone... pun completely intended. I’ve loved him ever since. That inspiration and adoration has only grown with time.

What keeps your inspiration going?

Quite a few things. Aside from the constant love pouring from my being, I love looking at highly detailed stonework. It’s beautiful. Scrolling through rolling mountain landscapes, listening to certain songs, daydreaming in between sentences. I never really lose inspiration for Pica. Something new hits me every day in the most mundane tasks. A lot of it does go unshared, but some of it is personal and other times I simply don’t have the energy or reason. Very well I could be brimming with inspiration for him all day and have nowhere really to put it without excess. Getting opportunities to do so really makes me smile, though. It’s amazing how much being invested in a character will keep your inspiration at an all time high even when you’re having a rough time. Sometimes all it takes is just an extra comment from someone else or an occurrence or some kind of image to put you right back on track. For me, seeing any kind of lovely stonework or abandoned, run down places really sets my inspiration for him in motion.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO ( I would hope so! )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( I’m always thinking of new ones! )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO ( It’s been awhile, though... )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES!! / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( Generally speaking, I try to be! )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

Actual criticism, yes. I don’t mind it. At the same time, however, I’m really just here to have a good time ─ as is everybody else. Growing and developing my writing is always a bonus when I’ve the experience here in an environment I’m comfortable with, but critique isn’t exactly something I go hunting for. I’m here to write the characters I love and adore and honestly, sometimes, it’s better to have the freedom to do things as you wish without the worry of receiving it, no matter how well-intended it may be. It’s all chill times and good vibes doing what we enjoy most.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

Absolutely! I love randomly being sent things that keep me thinking with any character. I’m always looking for little intricacies and tidbits to really bring them to life. Sometimes it takes a bit for me to think of something appropriate but I always appreciate the brain candy when it comes to new details! It goes without saying that I’ll happily accept anything that gives reason to my constant, aimless musings related to Pica.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

Yes and no? I always love hearing other ideas on why someone else’s headcanons differ from my own. For all I know it might be enough to change my mind or, at the very least, give me a different perspective on something I’ve never thought about before. I’m always curious about stuff when it relates to a character I love. As long as they’re not rude about it and we’ve talked to the point it’s not out of the blue, it’s okay. On the other hand, it doesn’t really matter if someone disagrees. We all have our own headcanons and it’s very easy to be respectful about them. Despite what has already been said, there’s a high chance I’m going to keep to my own headcanons as they are regardless, because I put a lot of thought and heart into them. Someone disagreeing with them at face value isn’t going to make me up and throw all that work in the trash just like that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

That’s okay. There are plenty of different ways to interpret a character. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever portrayal they so choose, so long as they’re not bashing anyone outright. I would much prefer that be something that’s kept to oneself, however. It’s very easy to simply ignore something you don’t agree with, and it’s just as easy to be kind about things when expressing your own thoughts in comparison with theirs. Plus, there’s always making your own blog and writing whoever however you please! Someone out there is bound to enjoy whatever portrayal you prefer. ♥

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

Not personal, certainly, unless it was somehow directed at me personally. It’s very understandable. There’s a lot of potential present for actual progressing development, but on the surface Pica is very dislike-able. It’s very clear his purpose was to act as a stepping stone for another major character’s development and there wasn’t much left beyond that. Of course it’s always a sad thing being hopelessly attached to a character like that but as an avid lover of what are often viewed as very minor, niche characters, it’s something I’m very much used to. Perhaps not intense hate in every case, per se, but underappreciated. It just so happens that Pica is... not exactly a good person, putting it kindly. But that’s just another reason I love him so much as a character.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

Sure! Though chances are I’ve probably already noticed at that point and have been embarrassed about it/fixed it. I’ve probably made many over the years and also not realized it. Most of the time it’s something minor anyway, and a lot of people just naturally read it as it’s supposed to be read. So there’s no trouble!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

I’d certainly like to think so! I tend to be very patient and accommodating. I wholeheartedly stand beside the idea that RPing is meant to be fun and enjoyable and not something that causes more stress. People should take their time with things and set their own pace. Being comfortable is part of what makes RP the wonderful hobby that it is. Really that applies to any hobby, but there are many little things that can turn someone away from doing something they love at any given time. There’s nothing that would hurt me more than unintentionally making something someone enjoys a chore for them. I try my best to make sure everyone knows that I’m really just a chill little bun having a good time doting on characters I love. Pica might not be cordial, but I certainly try to be!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

tagged by. @tenyxshx ─ thank you flamingo nerd ♥ ilu

#♠ // * etc ( pica. )#❥ // * passing bottles off the walls ( games. )#❥ // * ever running on stories of the sea ( long post. )#❥ // * the rabbit stowaway ( ooc. )#|| you knew I'd pick pica you heathen!#as if I'd ever NOT pick him for something like this.#''this won't be that long'' I say as it takes me an entire day to get to it.#sometimes you just get going and then you can't stop.#also this was a nice change of pace! it was fun!#clearly since I went nuts filling it out dskdkdskdks ||

9 notes · View notes

light-of-being · 4 years

Text

On the void (aka summary of like, 5-7 years of my life lmao)

Idk if this would apply to anyone else at all but regardless. If you, like me, have a side of you with an almost-irresistible pull towards nothingness -- finding existence itself ill-fitted, false or otherwise undesirable -- manifesting in hating the fact of a physical body, infinite passivity and the desire to do nothing ever, wanting to be silent forever because words are some sort of betrayal, explicit wish for disappearance, blend into the surroundings (them posts about lying down in the forest and have the plants grow over you), etc ...or if you feel like you’re already there, a little diffuse, not sure if you exist at all...I’d invite you to at least consider it.

Strong tw for suicide and disordered eating.

The problem (and failed solutions)

For a long time, I tried to realise that desire as much as possible. I did, literally, for weeks and months, stop eating, stop speaking, even for a brief period stop moving entirely. I guess my subconscious was playing along, erasing memory, identity, perception itself. I knew it was hurting me and not a sensible thing to do, but I couldn’t not. The ideal, of course, was death, and I tried to get that too, but at some point I was resigned to living but continued trying to make it as little alive as possible. (see also: that quote from Persona)

I expect we know, it’s Bad, but it’s also the only thing that feels right, feels pure and true. Also feels...inevitable.

I spent years trying to eat normally again, because I “knew” it wasn’t working for me. And it was, like, stupid. I was endlessly frustrated because really, I know better than that, and this doesn’t need to be so hard. But if I’m being honest, I really didn’t want to. I kept hoping and trying for a way to sneak past myself and my life and find a way to still stay true to that...need. And every time I slipped, it felt like I’d found my way back where I belonged. Back with my heart, the void. Home. Where things are a little less wrong.

They talk a lot about the whole “control” thing, and I guess yeah, in a way it’s that. It’s rejection of all that’s been placed upon you, just one big “No” to living a life that’s not on your terms, that you never asked for. No, to life itself. Because none of it feels true to you and you’d rather have nothing than betray yourself. And at some point, you’d rather have nothing than...anything. It feels like passivity -- for a long time, I was like, “without influence, nothingness is the default state. doing anything is an active decision. sustaining life is an active decision. i’m just letting things be in their natural state.” But if you pay attention for a single second, it’s nothing like that. It’s stubborn af. It’s the strongest assertion you’ll ever make. (also, lol, being stationary and nothing is not the natural state of jackshit, at least not for a long time. the heat death of the universe is far away, folks. it’s precisely staying the same that requires resistance)

The thing that led to my first halfway-successful “recovery” attempt (grudgingly, still, not some magic transformation)...wasn’t any good reason that life is good and void is harmful. It was -- “what I desire is literally not a thing I can ever have”. However much I may believe it to be the ultimate good, it’s impossible. And insofar as I’m not actually there, I’m no happier for trying to approximate it. “Slightly pure” is not a thing. It’s just as miserable. It’s futile. All I do is hate myself for every way I fall short.

How does starving myself proceed, how does it end? Not even in death, not usually (I would probably have considered that okay, good even). If I “succeed” enough, it probably ends in a hospital room, being force-fed. And after that? Well, I can just go back to how it was, and have that life on repeat and maybe die somewhere along the way (or just have them not release me again). Or I can try to stop at that stage. Which I guess gives me a little while longer that I can keep up my shit before then, but like. Is that really any good? (my brain still often says yes, but let’s be real. if we can avoid the hospital that’s probably a thing we want)

That’s pragmatic thinking, though; it’s considering things within the frameworks of the world rather than keeping oneself outside of them, and void-self hates that (and I’m 99% sure that anyone who sufficiently strongly related to the previous shit in the present would’ve scoffed at that last paragraph. although some part of you probably also hated to admit it’s true. unless you’re still deep inside, in which case you probably still think you can sneak past it. spoiler alert: you can’t). And I’m sorry, void-self, I know you’d rather have literally anything else, but that is where the universe has placed you, and life isn’t easy enough to let you cop out of anything it gives you.

Void-life is more than just dysfunctional and harmful, it’s completely unsustainable and futile. You’re never going to get there. You’ll just become progressively more miserable. And you can cover your head with a blanket and try to pretend that’s not true while you keep trying, but I know that deep down, you know this. And you hate it and it hurts, and you want to run away from this, too, but...tough. Soz. There’s probably few things you hate so much as, “That’s just the way it is” and you probably just hate the world that much more for not even letting you have this. one. thing. And yeah, fuck the world. Or fuck you. End of the day, you’re probably right -- you weren’t made for each other.

So what now?

I mean, you can die. That’s always a thing you can do. And the first time I really thought this through, I was 100% ready to die rather than deal with it. But it wasn’t the void death from earlier up in this post. It was the anxiety/escapist death from the previous paragraph -- “ohmygod ohmygod I can’t accept this I’m out”. Which, personally, doesn’t generally translate into action, just extreme discomfort and running around like a trapped mouse, wanting to throw myself against the wall (unless it lasts long enough without finding an out of some sort, that it becomes standard depressive hopelessness).

Stage # the next one went like, “well...I guess dying is a thing I’ll get eventually. as such, I could get it anytime I want! eh, what the hell, i can probably fuck around a little while.” Which works, until things become difficult to handle and it becomes, “now seems like a good time.” (after this, technically there was a stage of “killing myself would hurt this person i care about and i’m committed to not doing that...i can probably hang on through it” but that’s not really relevant so i’m sweeping past it.)

But let’s say, for whatever reason, dying is not the ideal option (look, you’re reading this. if you felt this, death was probably one of your first considerations. i expect there’s some reason, however ridiculous, you haven’t successfully gotten to it yet. most of the time, void-self isn’t the whole self and the rest of you still hopes there’s a better way you can satiate it).

Okay, one last thing that I’ve noted to be common in people with this kind of thing going on before I carry on: you have weak boundaries. It sometimes feels like the things placed upon you might seep in and subsume you, and although you seek nothingness, you don’t want to be that kind of nothing (like I said, secretly stubborn af. after all, part of your desire for nothingness involves wanting to be “not that” where that is fkin everything. see also: abjection).

A possible way forward

So here’s what’s been working quite well for me (so far. it might turn into a trainwreck at some point so eh...yeah. but it has been a long time). It boils down to the exist harder and/or assurance point. It also consists of behaving a bit weirdly like you’re [at least] two people.

The main thing is: like I said above, if you’re picking this direction, it’s probably not the void-self choosing it. There’s something else to you. So here’s the plan. You feed it. You strengthen it and let it grow as close to a full person as you can. At first, this looks almost entirely like fighting against void-self and forcing yourself into the world no matter how much it complains. This is really fkin difficult and terrifying to do, and you should use any tools or support you can. This person has been hiding all this time; they’re weak and scared and don’t know how to life. But as they get stronger and develop more of a voice, it becomes easier.

Whatever fragment of this person you start out with, you should be able to identify one (1) thing they consider important or want (don’t tell me there isn’t. that’s not true. it can be as fucking stupid as you like, but if there’s nothing get your depression treated first). Start with that. As you throw them out there more, you’ll probably find more things that they like. Explore many things, stuff you wouldn’t necessarily consider or would be scared of, but you’re curious about. But try as far as possible to make this very much yours. You don’t want to feel like you’re succumbing to some external pressure. You want to feel like you’re in power; that is literally the most important part -- any non-destructive things make you feel like that are great. Take your time. (A thing that’s vaguely useful is miscellaneous advice for people rebuilding themselves after a breakup or loss, because that’s what you’re doing: rebuilding yourself. For yourself this time. Not just for survival.)

Are we suppressing void-self, trying to kill it off? No. We’re just saying it no longer gets to govern our entire lives, because it’s no good at that. It has a place, a place that will probably bring you a lot of happiness, but its place is not controlling your external life. It’s internal.

What we’re doing is giving it a caretaker. We’re giving you the ability to carve out a space for yourself where you can comfortably exist and be a person, without dissolving. But for that you need boundaries, and you need to sustain life first.

More than that, though. The person you’re building will make space for void-self to exist. Void-self doesn’t do that for you. It’s selfish. It kills that person off. It wants to be everything. That’s not fair to the rest of you. And guess what? The rest of you is great, too! It has a lot of potential. It has capabilities void-self could never have dreamed of, that you would never have dreamed of while under the control of void-self. It can bring you a lot of happiness. It has the right to exist, to take up space in your life, too. It will surprise you. This person has the magical ability to exist in the world without being fake...yes, really.

And then, when they’re all grown up, they can protect void-self from being subsumed by everything pushed onto it because they have the strength and skills to navigate real life, to negotiate and place you in situations you want rather than where the wind blows it. And now? Now they can nourish void-self. You can go off on a trip and “disappear” for all intents and purposes. You can go and lie in a field for hours. You can read poetry and do all of the things that do feel authentic to void-self. It never has to pretend to be anything ever again. You can even learn how to really express it to others (something it’d love to do but lacks the ability for). But you can also go to work the next day and feed your organism.

Will void-self be entirely happy with this arrangement? Eh...not really, not when you propose it. You will definitely encounter resistence. But, in my experience, when you actually get there, it comes to peace.

#heh this is still raw who knew #there's at least 4 of my mutuals i think this is very directly applicable to #but i don't think tagging is exactly appropriate here #so eh hope you see it #please i worry about you #but this became extremely fkin long and i'm not sure anyone would want to read #also i think i got tired towards the end and quality dropped a bunch #which sucks because that was the main part lol #anyway yeah #reflections #tw disordered eating #tw suicide #szpd #assurance #i think this is actually common schizoid treatment protocol but whatever #also as a Me i would definitely not trust it coming from some standard recommendations written by people who probably understand jackshit #anyway also #i think this was easier for me #because i was in a space where i was VERY determined #that You Will Not Destroy Me #I will be my own person if it kills me

14 notes · View notes

tv-writes-ff · 4 years

Note

How would the guys react if they notice they’re SO is being distant

Thank you so much for the ask! I always love your asks 😊 I am answering these with the assumption that the SO is being distant due to insecurity in the relationship. If I got that wrong, let me know and I'll try again! Small warning, I am on strong cold medicine so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or weirdness. I'd blame the rambling on the medicine too, but that's just my personality.

Hiei - Ignorance Followed By Paranoia. At first, Hiei wouldn't really notice you being distant or pulling away. He is observant but not quite observant enough to notice the emotional shift in your relationship. Once the signs become more obvious, he starts paying attention to every little detail. You not reaching out for his hand or telling him the details of your day starts to become more and more apparent. Hiei will miss the way you used to be together. He will start to initiate more contact and ask about your day. (It'll sound like a demand but he's doing his best.) If you are still distant, he will become paranoid. He will begin to doubt your feelings for him and believe that you are pulling away to make severing your relationship easier. At this suspicion, Hiei will realize how much he cares for you and how strongly he wants you in his life. After his paranoia (aka: his super amount of worrying) starts to plague him throughout the day, he will confront you. He will ask you outright why you have changed. If you don't answer quickly enough, he will ask if you want to end your relationship and then tell you that he will not lose you without a fight because he loves you. When you tell him that you were only distancing yourself because you thought that he was distancing himself, there will be an awkward silence. Then Hiei will show you just how not distant he wants to be, for as long as it takes for you to believe just how committed he is to you and your relationship. (You should cancel your weekend plans. Possibly all your plans for the next several days because the two of you have some time to make up for.)

Kurama - Careful Observation Followed By Testing. Right off the bat, Kurama knows that something has changed. At first he believes that it's just simple stress, something that everyone goes through, because you stop talking so easily and enthusiastically when the two of you are together. Stress seems like the obvious reason. He realizes that you are distancing yourself when you start canceling regular plans, like your standing Sunday dates. The biggest flag is that when the two of you are together, you become physically distant. You now sit farther away instead of cuddling in close, and Kurama misses the ease of your company and the warmth he always feels in your presence. So he devises a series of tests to see if there are still any signs of attraction, both physical and emotional. He notices that while you don't pull away from his touch, you no longer initiate the contact. He makes a note of you only telling him about your day or thoughts on something when he asks you directly, and that you have stopped sharing your thoughts without prompting. When the two of you converse, he can still see your attentive care in your eyes and feel his own responding affection and curiosity about you. So there is still an emotional attraction. When he pulls you into his arms, you sink into his kiss and press yourself so close that the only thing he can think about for a moment is how to get you closer. Physical attraction is still there. From there, he realizes that he is going to have to ask why you have been distant since all of his observations confirm that you both still care deeply for one another. When you shyly admit that you've been doubting his feelings for you, ever since that one time you reached for his hand when out with your friends and he only briefly squeezed your hand before releasing it, he feels dumbfounded. It's not something that Kurama experiences often so it takes him a moment to respond. During that moment, you start spilling all of your insecurities. About how Kurama has known many lovers before you and how he sometimes doesn't express his emotions vocally, to name a few. The truth is that Kurama has never loved anyone the way that he loves you, because his love for you is both physical and emotional. To put your worries at ease, Kurama worships every part of you as he tells you everything that he loves about you. The next time you see your friends, Kurama's hand never leaves yours and thankfully no one comments on the large mark on the side of your neck where Kurama got a little too carried away while closing the recent distance between you.

Kuwabara - Brief Panic Then Gentle Understanding. The first time you cancel a date, Kuwabara doesn't get worried. He tells you that he'll miss seeing you but doesn't press, because he knows that you wouldn't cancel unless it was something important. By the time you cancel the fifth date, Kuwabara has entered full-blown panic mode. Your relationship is still new so he worries that he's done something wrong. When the two of you do get to spend time together, he's keenly aware of the actual physical distance between you and the way that you start to speak but then stop yourself. When you leave after only a quick kiss on the cheek, he dissolves into a panicked mess. Shizuru comes home that night to find him lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by empty takeout cartons and discovers that the large tub of ice cream that she's been saving for a rainy day is gone. After beating Kuwabara up a bit, he tells her everything. About how distant you've been and how lost he feels. Shizuru tells him to stop being a coward and to just ask you instead of worrying himself into a food coma, and then she sends him to the store to get her some more ice cream. The next day, you get a call from Shizuru asking you to come over. When you arrive, Shizuru is nowhere in sight and Kuwabara is instead sitting on the couch. After you sit down, he turns to hold out his hands and doesn't start talking until after you've laced your fingers through his. He asks why you've been pulling away from him, assures you that you can tell him anything, and then waits patiently as you gather your thoughts. When you finally tell him that you've been distant because you don't think he finds you attractive, he holds your hands against his chest and asks why you think that. Because Kuwabara thinks that you're the most beautiful person in all of the worlds. You admit that it's because the two of you haven't been very physical despite dating for a while, and Kuwabara actually blushes when he tells you that he was taking things slow because he didn't want to rush you. He wants to make sure that you always feel safe and comfortable with him, never pressured, and the two of you instantly relax as you realize the misunderstanding. The relaxed air is quickly charged with an anticipatory tension, and Kuwabara gets your enthusiastic consent before he shows you how attractive he finds you. Every kiss and touch is accompanied by words of praise, and your doubts and thoughts of distancing yourself are buried under Kuwabara's love for you.

Yusuke - Confused Anger & Determination. Canceling a date here and there is nothing new, you both understand that things come up, but canceling several dates gets Yusuke worried. That worry sounds like anger when he asks why you've been avoiding him, but he calms down after you tell him that you've just been busy. Yusuke pays closer attention after that brief conversation. He notices when you stop questioning him, about what he's thinking or just what he's been up to, and he starts to miss the sound of your voice when you stop letting all your thoughts spill out around him. He also notices that you don't greet him the way you used to. There's no more jumping hugs or smacking kisses, and his worry about you being kinda down lately mixes with his frustration of wanting to feel you close to him. In all honesty, he misses the intimacy of your relationship. The way you talk as he lays his head in your lap so that you can play with his hair. The nights where he massages your feet while he complains about the idiots he's had to deal with. The quiet cuddling, the forehead kisses, the way you whisper your plans for your future together when the two of you are lying in the darkness. So Yusuke consults with Botan and Kuwabara, plans your perfect date, and is then crushed when you say you can't make it. That feeling lasts all of three seconds. Then he's showing up at your house and knocking until you let him in. His anger disappears immediately when he sees you wearing one of his old shirts and rubbing at your red eyes, and he's holding you in his arms before he's even fully inside your house. He keeps his arms around you as he kicks the door shut and then asks you what's wrong, and you tearfully admit that you've been canceling on him so much to make it easier for him to dump you. At Yusuke's confusion, you tell him that you know he wants to end the relationship because he's never taken it seriously. Yusuke never talks about your future together, ignores it whenever you mention possibly moving in together, and he still introduces you by your name and never as his partner. That's when Yusuke realizes how much of a jerk he's been, and he shifts you around so he can look you in the eye as he explains. He never talks about your future because YOU are his future and he thought you knew that despite him never actually saying it. (He thought his actions proved that, because he forgot that some people need words.) He admits that moving in scares him a little, because his previous relationship ended only days after moving in together. (He and Keiko remained friends, you and Keiko are friends, but he still correlates cohabitation with endings.) As for how he introduces you, he does it out of respect. (He tells you that immediately telling someone that you're his makes it sound like he's trying to own you and that people should respect you as a person, not because you're his partner.) After saying all that, the two of you sit on the couch in silence to absorb everything that's been said. Then Yusuke claps his hands and asks what you want to do next. Him move into your place? You move into his place? The two of finding your own place? The excited look in Yusuke's eyes puts you at ease and gets you to smile, and you don't have time to answer before Yusuke is pulling you in close and kissing you. Because now? He's determined to show you just how important you are to him and takes his time as he thoroughly starts to plan your future together. It's a little difficult to discuss new living arrangements when Yusuke is distracting you so sweetly by not allowing any kind of distance between you, but you manage. It just happens to be a very long planning session.

#ask reply #sit-by-me-cannon #yu yu hakusho #yu yu headcanons #hiei #kurama #kazuma kuwabara #yusuke urameshi #i got a little carried away #but that shouldn't be a surprise at this point #thanks again for the ask!

35 notes · View notes