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raribella · 3 months

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To Say “I Love You” Right Out Loud | JJ Maybank

summary: JJ revisits his childhood and how he grew up with you through every side of life until he finally understands why this makes you so special

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: fluff, a spark of angst

contains: a combo of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell and Love Actually (2003), mentions of death and child abuse. John B and JJ are childhood friends in this. I don’t know how to write dialogue. Drug usage (beer, weed).

word count: 6k

author’s note: I was immediately triggered by Joni’s astonishing performance at the Grammy’s and by remembering that the song is in one of my favorite movies. This is my favorite fanfiction I’ve probably ever written and I put so much time and love into this I really hope you like it.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

Rows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air; and feather canyons everywhere. I looked at clouds that way. But now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone; so many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way.

College had finally ended. They had finally done it. Against all odds and contrary to the expectations of others, the pogues were finally free to embark on their own paths. And so, they gathered for one last celebration, a bonfire near the Cat's Ass, surrounded by shotguns, snacks, and reminiscing in the familiar feeling of just being together.

Spreading themselves along the space at the Chateau's yard, most of them ended up divided the comfortable water at the tub and the warmth of the fire, their laughter mingling with the sound of running water as they shared stories of what each of them could remember of their time roaming the Outer Banks as this fearless gang; the sentiment of each flashback was being intensified from the time they spent apart. As they were the pogues, it was not like their time together was abruptly interrupted, but the responsibilities and the minor distance happened during college, and they couldn't run away from it's effects; but the memories of those days seemed tattooed into their hearts and minds as they could recall every moment in lighthearted detail.

In a corner of the Cat's Ass, JJ found himself lost in a sea of memories, surrounded by the comforting embrace of his friends. You sat beside him in the water, the coolness soothing against your skin, while Cleo and Pope nestled comfortably at his other side. Outside, John B, Sarah, and Kie laughed and joked, their voices carrying on the night breeze. As he watched them, a faint, nostalgic smile tugged at the corners of JJ's lips, his heart heavy with the weight of their shared history, thinking back on how far they had come. They had started as a trio—himself and the Routledge twins, bound together by fate and circumstance.

The tree of you lay sprawled out on the sand for what seemed like hours, your eyes tracing the ever-changing shapes that danced across the sky. Castles, pirates, turtles—your imaginations ran wild, weaving tales of adventure and intrigue as you watched the clouds drift lazily overhead. At nine years old, you had joined your brother and JJ just a few moments ago, after spending the afternoon at a friend's house watching a Christmas movie, "Love Actually," with her mother.

As you settled into the sand, JJ couldn't resist a playful jab at the movie, dismissing it as a "dumb chick flick." his mind still floated between that child-like distaste of girls and the appreciation of you tagging along with him and John B back then. You swatted at him, your tiny arms barely reaching his chest, but it only elicited a smirk from the blond pogue. It was nice for you to actually share a moment with a nurturing figure at the absence of your own mom, who had just recently left for Colorado. Besides, you had eaten a whole bag of M&M's that she bought for you to share and you really liked the movie, even if it was funny how sometimes Mia's mom would tell you to close your eyes, your ears, or how sometimes you didnt really catch why she was laughing at some weird scene. You just rolled your eyes and brushed JJ's comment off, suggesting the sky gazing then relishing in the opportunity to spend time with him and your brother.

Your days were often filled with moments like this, carefree and full of laughter, the sound echoing against the backdrop of crashing waves. JJ's mother would eventually come to fetch the three of you, ushering you inside for sweet treats and cozy nights spent squeezed together in JJ's tiny room. Or you'd spend hours playing in the grass, watching as the river met the sea, until Big John's bell rang out, signaling the end of another day. You would get home covered in dirt, JJs hair color nearing yours and your brothers, so you would have a nice shower and come out to your dad telling treasure tales and making you hot chocolate.

One day, as Big John finished building a set of three swings for you, JJ's parents arrived. Standing side by side, the couple had brought beer and peanuts to complement what your dad already had inside for the night. That day, you were playing for hours, your small frame struggling to mount the swing until the duo stepped in to help. John B had made a mess while trying to help you hop on, and JJ stepped forward to push you, but in excited haste, he pushed too hard, and you tumbled to the ground, scraping your knee. As your first cry pierced the air, the adults rushed to your side, JJ's mother soothing your pain with stinging medicine and comforting words.

In the corner of your eye, you caught sight of JJ, guilt etched on his face as he watched you wince in pain. But your brother nudged him, urging him to shake off his guilt and claiming that this was just a mere blip in the larger scale of the adventure you lived today.

And as the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, Luke took charge, setting a bonfire ablaze near the ancient tree in the backyard. The flames flickered casting shadows that stretched out against the sand. You gathered around the fire, marshmallows in hand to be skewered and toasted, laughter filled the air and echoed into the night. The hours slipped away unnoticed, so as the night wore on and the fire burned low, reluctantly, you bid farewell to your blonde friend as he left with his parents.

The life you lived was simple; living in the less fortunate side of the island, you couldnt really enjoy much more than moments like these; the food wasn't fancy, the drinks weren't expensive, your houses weren't pretty and big, so you relied mostly in home made playthings and your own imagination, but you were happy that way; the youthful innocence made all the diferences between you and the kooks be seen with rose coloured glasses, and while in the company of your brother, your best friend, and the team of parents that you saw as guardian angels, it all just seemed warm. It seemed like it would be fine.

One day, though, just as the sky turns cloudy at the end of summer, signaling the onset of storm season, JJ's demeanor shifted, casting a shadow over his usual brightness. At fourteen now, he had been seeming distant and preoccupied at school for weeks, until one day after class, he reached out to you with a heavy heart. Fidgeting nervously, his hands clammy and cold, he confided in you about his mother's illness, the weight of the words hanging heavy in the air. Knowing how much his mother meant to you both, he sought solace in sharing his burden with you, trusting you with his vulnerability. "Mumma's sick, I think... been in the hospital for a while now," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I can't visit because I'm not sixteen yet... I- I wanted you to know, but you can't tell John B." And as you hugged him, you promised to keep his secret, the first one you kept just between the two of you.

And as JJ clung to you and John B in the solemn silence of the cemetery, the stark reality of their loss weighed heavily upon you, casting a shadow over your once bright and colorful world.. JJ's mother's absence lingered like a specter in their home, his father grappled with the weight of his grief, seeking solace in alcohol and spiraling into a downward spiral of despair. The once vibrant hues of their family life began to fade, replaced by the darkness of addiction and aggression. JJ watched helplessly as his father's temper flared more frequently, his outbursts leaving scars both physical and emotional. The sanctuary of their home became a battleground, each day a struggle to navigate the minefield of his father's unpredictable moods.

In the aftermath of his mother's passing and the turmoil within his home, JJ withdrew into himself, building walls around his heart that even his closest friends struggled to breach. He became increasingly unreachable, his once vibrant presence dimmed by the weight of his grief and the scars of his father's aggression. Some days, he would disappear altogether, only to reappear with a purple eye hidden beneath dark glasses, a silent testament to the struggles he faced behind closed doors. And when he did show up, his demeanor was somber, his face etched with a perpetual frown as he rejected activities he once enjoyed. Even cloudgazing at the beach became a source of frustration for JJ, as he lamented the impending rain or the end of summer, his words tinged with bitterness and resignation. As you and your brother looked on, helpless in the face of his pain, you could only watch as JJ retreated further into himself, the vibrant colors of his spirit muted by the shadows that engulfed him.

The tension crackled in the air as you confronted JJ, frustration bubbling to the surface like a storm about to break. "Why won't you just watch 'Love Actually' with me, like, once? It'd help distracting you, y'know!?" you demanded, your voice tinged with exasperation. "You can't keep avoiding fun, JJ. You can't lose hope and light just because things are tough."

But JJ's response was sharp, his tone laced with bitterness. "Those things are for kooks, y/n" he retorted, his words heavy with the weight of his pain. "Pogues can't afford to indulge in luxuries like love and hope. We have to focus on surviving you know."

Your heart sank at his words, feeling the distance between you grow with each passing moment. "If you really look for it, JJ," you countered softly, your voice barely above a whisper, "I've got a sneaky feeling that love is all around. Even for us Pogues." But JJ's expression remained hardened, his walls firmly in place as he turned away, the gap between you widening with each step he took.

John B stepped in a while later, his voice calm but firm as he defended his friend. "He's been through a lot," John B interjected, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of empathy and understanding. "Give him time, he'll come around. I know he will."

But despite John B's reassurances, the weight of your worry and frustration bore down on you like a heavy burden. Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you sought solace in the arms of your father, tears streaming down your cheeks as you poured out your heart. "I didn't mean to be petty," you sobbed, your voice choked with emotion. "But I'm just so worried about how Luke has been treating JJ. I miss him, Dad. I miss the way things used to be." And as your father held you close, comforting whispers soothing your troubled mind, you cried yourself to sleep, longing for the comfort of simpler times and the warmth of JJ's presence by your side.

A few days after the heated exchange, JJ found himself drawn to the familiar solace of the beach. As he laid alone on the sand, the rhythmic sound of the waves echoing in the background, he cast his gaze upward, chuckling at the shifting shapes and colors of the clouds above. Yet, amidst the tranquility of the moment, a pang of longing stirred within him.

Reflecting on recent events, JJ realized that he had begun to see clouds from two distinct perspectives—from the highs and lows of life's tumultuous journey. But amidst the solitude, his mind drifted to an understanding; to how he seemed to have looked at clouds like this from two different perspectives now, from up and down, and still he would recall better colorful and elusive memory of your company. He remembered the joy of pointing out funny shapes at the sky with you and your brother, laughter echoing into the vast expanse. It was a memory painted in hues of warmth that contrasted with the darker shades of recent events. In that fleeting moment of recollection, JJ yearned to return to that moment exactly, to say sorry, at least. And alone at that same beach, he felt like he had a perspective of a future for the first time in a long time. He wanted to see if he truly knew clouds at all, or if there was a new side to it.

JJ was abruptly brought back to reality by Pope's punchline of a memory of his own; he was retelling the story of how he met Cleo at college, and how she wouldn't have passed half her subjects f it wasn't for him. As the group erupted into laughter, he did the same to mask the fact that he had zoned out for a minute, but JJ's gaze instinctively sought yours, his heart yearning for the comfort of your smile. And as his eyes met yours, a warmth spread through him, his thoughts drifting to another memory

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels; the dizzy dancing way that you feel as every fairy tale comes real. I've looked at love that way. But now it's just another show, and you leave 'em laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

At sixteen years old, you had a full understanding of the dizzying, electric sensation that washed over you whenever JJ emerged from the sea, his board in hand. It was a feeling that stirred deep within you, igniting a spark that refused to be extinguished. Yet, despite the intensity of your emotions, uncertainty plagued your heart. You couldn't decipher JJ's true feelings for you; for every significant gesture or word he offered, there was an equal measure of aloofness or distance.

There were moments when JJ's actions spoke volumes, leaving you breathless with hope and anticipation. But just as quickly, he would retreat into himself, leaving you to question whether his affections were genuine or merely fleeting. And then there were the times when he would disappear into the crowd at a kegger, his attention captured by another girl, leaving you to grapple with the ache of unrequited longing.

Fearing the consequences, you kept your emotions hidden from your brother, John B, despite his keen intuition and suspicions about your lingering glances. Instead, you found solace in the companionship of Pope and Kiara, the only other pogue girl. Your friendship with Kiara blossomed rapidly, providing a safe haven where you could confide in her about everything, including the complexities of your feelings for JJ, seeking her guidance and understanding.

In December of that same year, a vivid memory remains etched in your mind—the day JJ was meant to pick you up from work and take you to the Chateau to meet up with the rest of the crew. Kiara had proposed the idea of a secret Santa, with the stipulation that the gifts could only be candy or chocolate—She herself aiming to guarantee that she'd get a bag or two of Sour Patch Kids. As you exited the souvenir shop, clutching your own "Paradise On Earth" cap, you spotted JJ waiting for you by the Twinkie—the van John B claimed would be safer than the bike. With both hands hidden behind his back, you shot him a questioning look. "Hello?" you greeted tilting your head slightly to the side, to which he responded with a playful smile, feigning surprise at seeing you. "Oh, hello ma'am, your carriage is right here!" he exclaimed, extending his arms towards the open door of the van, one hand tightly clutching something that piqued your curiosity. Hopping onto the Twinkie, you couldn't help but wonder about the mysterious object as JJ closed the door and took his place behind the wheel.

During the ride, JJ attempted to coax the name of your secret Santa out of you, but you remained tight-lipped. Upon parking the van at the Chateau, he sat in silence for a few moments, and you studied him intently. "Oh, before I forget," he said non-chalantly, reaching into his pocket and offering you the object he had been concealing—a ceramic lobster adorned with a tiny Christmas hat, clearly crafted by him. "This is for the nativity scene you keep in your room, I just didn't have time to make the other one..." he explained, a hint of nervousness in his voice as he confessed that he hadn't received your name for the candy exchange but couldn't bear to leave you without a gift.

You stood in awe for a moment, marveling at the thoughtful gesture and the evident reference it held. JJ's apprehension melted away as your eyes met his, a radiant smile spreading across his face. "Wait, wait, wait... Are you trying to tell me that there was more than one lobster at the birth of Jesus?" you quoted, teasingly. JJ rolled his eyes playfully, completing the reference with a loud "duh!" his laughter mingling with yours as you stepped out of the car into the moonlit night, making a lighthearted entrance at the Chateau and eliciting a knowing look from Kiara towards John B.

As time passed, you welcomed Sarah into the fold, introduced by John B with starry-eyed affection that spoke volumes of their budding romance. With the dynamic between her and Kiara settled, John B wasted no time in proudly declaring their relationship to the group—a declaration met with hugs, smiles, and lighthearted jokes about not hurting each other.

One day, Sarah suggested a surf trip to a lesser-known beach nestled between Figure 8 and the Cut, its pristine beauty a sight to behold with crystalline waters and powdery white sand. As you surfed the afternoon away, basking in the warmth of the sun, you found yourself sprawled on the sand along with the rest of the group, supporting yourself on your elbows and catching your breath as you watched JJ roll a joint with practiced ease. "I like this shit," JJ declared, his voice tinged with a hint of defiance. "We can be neglected misfits or whatever, but I love leading this life with you guys. I don't even care about what people think of me! "long as I have a board and you guys, 'm gonna be saying I'm rich... Especially if I have this!" He gestured towards the joint, his words met with cheers from the group.

Your smile started weak but grew as the group cheered. In that moment, you felt a sense of family, and your appreciation for JJ weighed heavily on your chest. Despite the challenges, he had found a way to see life in a positive light, even after Big John went missing. As the wind blew sea salt into your eyes, you turned your face toward JJ. "Yeah, yeah… you know, I keep saying it… but if you really look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that—"

"Y/n, if I hear that quote just one more time!" Sarah interrupted, and the others joined in with her lighthearted protest.

With time, JJ's behavior became increasingly perplexing since after sharing moments like this, he would leave you alone, retreating into the company of the other Pogues with a suddenness that felt jarring and awkward. His focus would shift, his attention consumed by their own banter, leaving you to wonder where you fit into the equation.

It was during these moments of isolation that doubts crept in, whispering of insecurities and unspoken fears that lingered just beneath the surface. Wondering if you did something wrong, you couldn't help but feel a pang of longing as you watched JJ immerse himself in the dynamics of the group, his laughter mingling with theirs as you stood on the sidelines, a silent observer to a world that felt increasingly distant and unfamiliar.

One morning, as you shuffled through the Chateau's corridors, the aroma of breakfast lingering in the air as John B shuffled through the kitchen, you noticed JJ's door ajar. You peeked inside with the intention of wishing him a good morning, only to be met with a sight that shattered your makeshift reality of him. JJ hovered over another girl in his bed, their closeness echoing a betrayal that left you speechless.

"Hey, whoa! Sorry!" His voice softened as he realized it was you, not your brother, at the door. The shock on your face was palpable as you hastily pushed the door closed, shaking your head to dispel the image burned into your mind. Stumbling down the corridor, you muttered a distant "morning" to Kie and Pope, who were still groggy on the couch, woken by the commotion.

Throughout the day, both JJ and yourself moved in a state of flustered avoidance, exchanging glances laden with sheepish guilt. JJ's eyes mirrored the remorse of a caught wrongdoer, but you couldn't summon anger; instead, you carried the weight of hurt and confusion, grappling with the realization that he wasn't yours to claim.

As the day waned and the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the Chateau, you found solace on the hammock. With the remnants of the day lingering, you confided in Sarah about the events, the words tumbling out as the weight on your chest grew heavier. The hammock cradled you in its gentle sway as another day ended, leaving you to confront the tangled emotions that now clouded the once-clear skies of your friendship with JJ.

JJ vividly remembered June of the following year, with your birthday fast approaching. Usually, you wouldn't stop talking about how much you loved having your birthday during the summer, and everyone would plan something special to mark the occasion. Kie and Sarah would always get you fancier gifts, like a new top or necklace, while the boys made sure there was a cake to share, probably under the tree lights at another night spent at the Cat's Ass, chuckling at the stupid name JJ had given to the tub.

But this year was different. You and the girls wouldn't stop talking about this idiotic touron, Jeremy, who had apparently flirted with you when you helped him at the store. Now, your attention seemed solely focused on him, much to JJ's annoyance. He rolled his eyes and huffed aloud whenever Jeremy's name was mentioned, with Pope nudging him to keep his cool.

"He's gonna take me to a summer fair," you grimaced, looking into the mirror as Kiara clasped a necklace around your neck. Sarah and JJ hovered on the kitchen counter, Pope sat on the couch, and your brother leaned against the doorframe of your room with a protective frown on his face. John B always believed you and JJ would end up together, and he felt safe with that perspective because he knew and trusted JJ. But that didn't happen with Jeremy.

Across from him, you, Sarah, and Kie giggled with scenarios and provocations, "What if he brings you a giant teddy bear and tries to win you a goldfish?" Kiara teased, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

Sarah snickered. "I can already picture it!"

Meanwhile, JJ fought to keep a frown from appearing on his own face. He was unwilling to let you know how he really felt about the situation, and he avoided giving his jealousy away to his friends. As you exited laughing with the guy in his car—a godforsaken Jeep, for crying out loud—JJ was still unknowingly clenching his jaw, his mouth twisted in a disgusted frown.

Sarah, the only one still outside by now, smiled to herself and snuck up on him before reaching a hand to pat his back. The gesture was meant to silently convey far more than his poisoned mind could grasp at the moment.

He chuckled at that memory; you had to endure a girlfriend of his own during college, and he watched as two or three other guys broke your heart as well—he wanted to go out there and punch them every time, but preferred that only John B externalized that thought. From those memories, he realized he had looked at love from both sides of it with you, from give and take, but years later he wasn't so sure if you'd be keen on the idea of him ever again. JJ turned to you in the tub, whispering, "Where's that lobster I gave you that Christmas?" You were a bit taken aback by his sudden recall but smiled back, mimicking the tone of his voice, "Been keeping it on my bookshelf all year long now."

John B and Sarah were now playfully arguing about the two perspectives from when she joined the group, with Kie tagging along to remind them of how they had to make amends beforehand. It made JJ come back fully into the scene. As he looked around, he realized they were sitting in couples, at least Pope and John B, and he held back a nostalgic smirk at the thought of how his younger self would react to both his old friends now "pussy whipped," stuck in relationships and breaking the "no pogue on pogue macking" rule—he didn't know love at all.

He was different too, at least Kiara said so, coming at him a few days ago before graduation with a whole "you've changed, became more yourself and know how to separate what you went through from what you are, I'm so proud you're opening the surf shop—but please make it eco-friendly" speech. It was nice to look back and realize how his years and moments with the Pogue family kept balancing out all the rest. Now he would open a sick surf shop, Poguelandia flag above it and all, right in the corner from the souvenir one you worked since you were fifteen—he didn't know if you had bigger plans than that after graduating though, but that was an uneasy thought he preferred to ignore.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say, "I love you" right out loud! Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way. Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange, and they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed. Well something's lost, but something's gained, in living every day.

Kiara was the first one to leave, claiming that this was really good and that she knew that with the pogues there were never really goodbyes, but that she had an early morning tomorrow with a sea-turtle project. Then, as the fire died out and the minutes turned into hours, the two couples left as well. Pope and Cleo claimed that they still had to shower before going to bed, and John B only snuggled with Sarah, pushing her towards the house. As the couple giggled, JJ noticed from his peripheral vision when you jiggled your eyebrows at Sarah, but the blonde only winked at you, pointing at the both of you at the tub before turning back. You sighed, distancing yourself from him now that you had more space in the water, and JJ held back a smile as the tree lights illuminated your pink cheeks. At twenty-two, he felt just like a teenager in that moment.

There were a few quiet minutes then, you were looking intently at him, drawing each of his features with your eyes as if trying to tattoo the image of his wet torso on your brain, but JJ didn't notice; he was lost in thought, provoked by being alone with you again. JJ realized that ever since he could remember, even though your brother was his de facto best friend and even as the group grew larger, you were there. For every phase and every belief that each one etched into him, you were there. As he looked at both sides of life, at win and lose, you were right beside him, either winning and losing as well or just supporting him emphatically through it.

Somehow he could always just recall how his pogue life acquired a rose-colored filter with you in it; he'd recall life's illusions with you at his side. You were there. You were it. And he didn't know his next step at all, but he wanted you in it; ached for it even.

He feigned cold as an excuse to get you both out of the tub, grabbing the one towel thrown onto a chair and wrapping it around you as you exited as well. He threw a familiar, amicable smile in your direction to disguise how he was, again, lost in his own train of thought. A hand rested on the small of your back as he led the two of you to the Chateau. As you got to the front porch, the other reached for your pulse gently, trying to stop you from entering. JJ became conscious of how he was dripping onto the wooden porch, but he didn't care, calling you by your nickname in a low voice. He was acting fast, planning something but also acting instinctively, intending to speak just from memory.

"Hey, uhm..." he stopped himself again as your eyes locked onto his, growing a little bit nervous now. Your eyebrows shot up expectantly, and some of your hair was sticking to your wet face. You'd be the death of him.

"With any luck, by next year, I'll be going out with one of these girls..." Your brows pinched, and eyes flashed with recognition as JJ shuffled his phone, some drops falling from his hair onto the screen before he turned it in your direction with a picture of Kendall Jenner and sliding his finger so it would also show one of Giselle Bündchen. You laughed, gulping expectantly.

"But for now, let me say, without hope or agenda, just because we finished college— even though it's at Christmas that you tell the truth." You chuckled again, but felt like you were hyperventilating, unable to believe that this was really happening to you. Much less that JJ Maybank had memorized a scene from the "dumb chick flick" you obsessed with since you were a mere child. You battled with your own feelings as you tried to let him finish.

"To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until you look like this..." He shuffled again with the tiny screen, a smirk on his face as he turned it to you. A photo of a very old and wrinkly woman made you chuckle. Under it, it read "former surfer lady turns viral as she advises to the risks of not wearing sunscreen." You couldn't hold the cackle that left you at that, not even worried about the rest of the group sleeping inside the house, which made JJ smile widely as well.

"Oh my God! Oh my God, I love you..." A loud sigh met a sob halfway as you looked up, feeling pounds lighter after saying so naturally something you had been burying for years, feeling absurdly proud of just that. "I love you so much, what the fuck! I've loved you forever." You beamed at him again, relief written all over his face as he said it back proudly. "I'm sorry for the wait; it wasn't on purpose—Swear it." He grabbed both your cheeks as you laughed, smiling from ear to ear as his face etched closer to yours by the second. Your noses were touching already when he whispered in a low tone, "fuck, y/n..." as your mouths glued together longingly.

The world seemed to fade away as your lips met, a rush of warmth spreading through you as if the sun had risen inside your chest. JJ's touch was electric, sending shivers down your spine as his hands cradled your face gently, his fingers tracing the curve of your jawline. Every moment felt like an eternity as you lost yourselves in the kiss, the taste of saltwater, beer and weed mingling with the sweetness of the moment.

For JJ, it was as if everything he had been holding back, every unspoken word and hidden feeling, was finally pouring out into this one embrace. His heart raced in his chest as he kissed you, his mind buzzing with the realization that he had found something truly precious in you. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss, a culmination of years of friendship and longing finally coming to fruition.

As you pulled away, breathless and flushed, JJ's eyes bore into yours, filled with an intensity that took your breath away. In that moment, you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. You had crossed a threshold together, stepping into a new chapter of your lives filled with love, laughter, and the promise of a future together. And as you stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew that this was just what you wanted; like you were made for just that.

"I don't even want to come inside, I don't wanna-" you said, sighing mid chuckle, "don't wanna do anything right now, God, JJ, I'm like in a haze!" He clung to you, chuckling, his hands going to your arms, your neck, your hair—he wanted to touch all of you. "Always have the hammock..." he suggested, and you rushed your way there as if just walking would make you lose any time with him.

After you spent a while staring at the stars in the sky, listening to the chirping of crickets in between small, sloppy kisses, JJ sleepily muttered "I feel like I'm fucking high right now," you both laughed "like I'm floating—life accomplishment kind of thing." you swatted at his chest, lightheartedly telling him to stop being silly before readjusting in the wet towel that served as a blanket for the two of you.

Wrapped in each other's arms, you drifted off to sleep, the sound of the river running to meet the ocean lulling you into a state of contentment. In that moment, nothing else mattered except the warmth of JJ's embrace and the soft rhythm of his breathing. It was a moment of pure bliss, a fleeting glimpse of perfection in an imperfect world.

The warm rays of the morning sun gently kissed the faces of the sleeping pogues as they stirred awake, the sounds of birdsong filling the air. Stretching and yawning, they emerged from their makeshift beds scattered across the Chateau, the pull-out couch and matresses on the floor.

As they gathered outside to clean the space free of empty cans and wrapping paper, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, John B's gaze was the first one to fall upon the sight of JJ and you nestled together in the hammock, still fast asleep. He nudged Sarah first, but soon a collective smile spread across their faces as they exchanged knowing glances, a silent understanding passing between them.

"About time," Pope muttered under his breath, eliciting chuckles from the others.

John B grinned, looking at Sarah. "Looks like our boy finally made his move."

Sarah rolled her eyes playfully. "Took them long enough," she teased, but there was genuine warmth in her voice.

Kiara smirked, crossing her arms, she showed a satisfied facade even though she was jumping inside, bubbling with happiness for the both of you; the sparkle of her eyes being hard to hide. "Well, better late than never, I guess."

With a chorus of laughter and gentle ribbing, the pogues left JJ and you to enjoy your moment together, the feeling was that their little family had just grown a little bit stronger. You had woken up the moment the front door banged back against it's frame as it closed the first time, but feeling JJ's chest under your head, you decided to just keep your eyes closed, fighting a grin to show on your face at your friends' commentaries. You were home. And you only wanted to know life now if it was by JJ's side; especially if he'd be scratching your hair like he was doing just now, half a smile on his lips—"Did I take that long?" he questioned, jokingly.

"A lifetime."

If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.

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venturelovebot · 18 days

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A/N: It's night time and I feel like shit so fuck it we ball also not me recycling a text post I literally just made! Awesome

Premise: Anxious!reader headcanons because I need them rn

Warnings: Mentions of flashbacks and self harm. Nothing graphic. It's safe otherwise!

Buys a fidget ring for both you (to wear when you're not together) and them (to wear when you're together and need comfort). TEEHEE

Let's you hold their hand while using their fidget ring.

Always makes sure beforehand that anything you do together will not trigger your anxiety under any circumstances.

If they know something is going to trigger your anxiety they avoid it with you at all costs, unless you want to step out of your comfort zone in which they'll be with you every step of the way.

If someone else triggers your anxiety they'll personally deal with them. Usually isn't a person that does physical altercations but will not hesitate to knock someone out bop someone on the head if they're triggering you.

Will act as your "mouth piece" so they'll talk on your behalf if you're not able to do so.

Does the thumb thing.

If you need to cry just let them know and they'll hug you so close that it hurts.

Reminds you that they're here for you, that they aren't leaving you and that they'll always love you no matter what.

If you have flashbacks they'll do their best to bring you back to the present, but if they can't for whatever reason they'll bring you to a calm safe space until it's over.

Buys you a weighted plushie of your favorite animal so you can bring it with you wherever you go.

If you have a comfort object they will always be sure to bring it with them. Will protect it with their life, regardless of what it is!

If you take anxiety meds they have a pill case decorated with stickers they also carry around so you can take it when necessary.

If you're prone to self harm they make sure you're not alone whatsoever, even if that means hopping on the transatlantic monorail from Cairo at three in the morning because you woke up screaming and crying.

They always make sure there's nothing you can use to hurt yourself with before leaving just in case. It's not that they don't trust you, they just can't stand the thought of you even thinking about hurting yourself.

Doesn't mind if you call them super early in the morning because they know you need someone to talk to. Even if you fall back asleep they won't hang up the phone just in case.

If you struggle with self care they make a little reward sheet and every time you take care of yourself a certain amount of times they give you a reward (usually ice cream)!

If you're really, really struggling then they'll help you take care of yourself until you're able to do it on your own again. They won't ever let you go too long without proper self care.

Will not, under any circumstances, let themself be separated from you during a panic attack unless you strictly need to be alone, in which case they will always be nearby.

Whenever they have to leave they'll always be sure to call and text every day, but they'll also keep an "emergency kit" of things to do when you need it. It's full of things like stickers, stim toys, a couple of plushies, a soft blanket and handwritten notes you can read when you need them. ♡

Whenever they come back from traveling/studying/field work you're always the first person they visit, just to make sure you're okay. Always brings you back a little gift from wherever they go.

Loves and cherishes you despite your anxiety and always makes sure to remind you that you're not a burden to them in any way!

#i kinda went ham on these wow #:•)#now i feel better #overwatch #overwatch 2 #venture x reader #venture x you #venture overwatch #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #sloane cameron #sloan cameron #ovw #ovw2 #f/o #why so many tags...............................

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general-cyno · 3 months

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I sort of rambled about this in the tags of a post, but I wanted to make a proper one myself since I find it very fascinating (law backstory flashback you will always be famous). so one of my favorite scenes is this one:

it is a very meaningful moment for these two, a very clear turning point to their dynamic at that time, and it's made even clearer by how law starts referring to rocinante as cora-san afterwards.

now, there are several instances throughout dressrosa arc where the similarities between doflamingo and law are mentioned, with the former going as far as to call them both birds of a feather. and as it's shown in the flashbacks, reading about flevance was enough to trigger doflamingo's traumatizing memories of his and rocinante's childhood, which seems to motivate him to bring law into the family. the way law seeks to lash out at everything then is reminiscent of doflamingo's own worldview and experiences, at least from his pov:

rocinante noticed those similarities as well and though he tried to (questionably) discourage all kids from joining the DQ pirates by scaring them away, law's case in particular prompted him to bring up the topic with sengoku at some point, as seen during sengoku's conversation with law.

sengoku repeats what everyone says about the amber lead disease, that it's incurable, and warns rocinante not to favor law much for it could jeopardize his mission. whether rocinante's agreement here was reluctant or not ig is up to each reader but learning of law's real/full name (his relation to the D clan) reignites his initial worries and some more, considering the historic opposition/threat the D represents wrt celestial dragons and how this could endanger him if doflamingo were to find out.

so there's even bigger reasons for rocinante to not want law to become doflamingo 2.0. though as he later admits amidst his drunken speech, the will of D no longer matters to him when it comes to saving law, as rocinante's journey to cure his disease ends up making him feel genuine sympathy for law beyond that. he's forced to witness first hand how much discrimination and dehumanization law's subjected to time and time again, because of his disease and ties to flevance. before all this, law's mentioned his imminent death more than a few times and does it after too. and during the first disastrous hospital visit, he tells rocinante: see? I'm not even human anymore!

which brings me to this bit of dialogue:

for all of law's similarities and/or parallels to doflamingo, it's worth noting that rocinante experienced the same things his brother did and due to his younger age probably understood even less of what was happening or why they were being targeted in the first place. compared to doflamingo, rocinante also has way less dialogue in their backstory but one he does have is this:

this happens in the part where rocinante, doflamingo and their father are strung up on a wall and shot at with arrows. the villagers all express their anger, grief, the violence and suffering they've gone through because of celestial dragons like the donquixotes. albeit different in nature, along with doflamingo, rocinante experienced a kind of dehumanization as well.

so, again: for all that law might resemble doflamingo the most, I do wonder... how much of himself did rocinante see in law, though subconsciously? a kid who lost his family, subjected to the kind of violence that led him to resign himself to death (seek it, even) and was treated by others as inhuman because of circumstances out of his control? it might've not been what rocinante believed to be his own motivations to help law, likely never actually saw or realized the similarities they shared, but imo it adds some more depth to his kindness and sympathy towards law.

this also marks a stark difference between the donquixote brothers. whereas doflamingo got caught up in a very vicious cycle (which traces back to the existence of celestial dragons as a whole and was further enabled by others like trebol) that he planned to continue with law, rocinante was able to see past law's rage and acknowledge the pain beneath. after all, rocinante knows too what it's like to be hurt by others who've been terribly hurt first and became someone who wasn't exactly keen on returning the sentiment, unlike doflamingo, regardless of whether it was in his nature to be so or if it's something that was nurtured as he grew up. that's not to say rocinante was an endlessly kind saint (he had his own biased views) or that he wasn't capable of violence (he did beat up all those medical staff and burn down hospitals for example), but those incidents weren't caused by a sense of entitlement on his part or such. he didn't blame law for stabbing him or in general for seeking revenge against the world, ultimately chose to protect and save him instead - which, indeed, changed law's life. as law presently insists, he owes cora not just that very life but his heart as well.

lastly - law himself might not disagree with doflamingo insisting they're of the same sort, but law is also the kid who couldn't fathom leaving his dying little sister behind. who softened and lowered his guard after receiving genuine kindness/love/sympathy for the first time in years. who saved a little mink and risked his own neck later on to save a boy who'd just lost his brother in the worst way possible. who didn't even consider putting his crew in danger when he knew (and expected) he might die and his whole revenge plan against doflamingo was rooted in love and grief to begin with, the same upon which the foundation of his crew was built and is a tribute to. last we saw of him, law orders bepo to go back in winner island because can't leave the crew behind, etc etc, so there's that too. how much of it is law's own nature and personality? how much is due to the impact cora had on him? both? would've doflamingo turned out differently or made different choices if his parents had tried harder to school him out of those CD views or if he'd had more positive influences aside from them, instead of the people he ended up surrounded by? would he have become the same kind of person he is rn no matter what? interesting stuff to think about.

#one piece #tp #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon #trafalgar law #every day I am plagued by Thoughts abt these guys help me #hope this is somewhat coherent ajdkkgg #also writing this made me realize cora kind of? subtly told law abt his and doffy's relation to the celestial dragons?#probably flew over his lil head tho #long post

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pianostrings · 5 months

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Rebel Moon Novelization

Some interesting parts from the novelization! Contains potential spoilers for Rebel Moon under the cut.

The novelization opens with the destruction of King Heron's world, as punishment for aiding the Bloodaxes. Noble forces Heron's son, Aris, to kill his father with the bone staff to protect his family before he is conscripted into the army. Noble beats the rest of his family to death anyway.

Kora's sex scene with Den is fleshed out (wink). Inwardly, she admits to liking Gunnar, despite his shyness, but has issues with intimacy and the idea of starting a family.

Hagen, a villager whose wife and daughter died, was the one who found Kora and took her in. He is something of a father figure to her.

Slightly longer dialogue scene with Sam & Jimmy. Features Jimmy's line from the trailer that a 'A king is a man, and a man can fail or betray. But a myth is indestructible.' He mentions that Balisarius had the Jimmies separated from Princess Issa, despite their vow to protect her, and that most of them had never set foot on the Motherworld.

Sam thanks Aris for saving her (❁´◡`❁)

Den takes over as the village leader after Sindri and his wife are bone staffed to death 😓

Before Kora leaves, she asks Hagen to task Private Aris to fix the guns on the dropship she crash-landed on Veldt in.

In Kora's flashback scene, we learn Kora's family lived above the tea shop they owned. She had two older siblings. They are killed by Imperium soldiers while she is upstairs packing.

Kora's scene with Balisarius has dialogue. He introduces himself. She tells him her name is Kora. She believes he is impressed she had the guts to pull the trigger. He renames her on the spot 😒 and takes her as a 'a gift to himself and his legacy' 😒 because 'every leader had an heir'.

Kora's life on the ship is briefly detailed. Balisarius brings her to a surrendering planet and makes her watch the soldiers open fire on its people. She is sent to train at the Imperium military academy and doesn't see Balisarius for years. Before she leaves, he tells her she can't tell anyone about her past or where she came from. She graduates with top marks and her final test is orchestrated by Balisarius: it involves her executing a man without question.

More scenes in the village. Aris keeps his Imperium uniform to keep up appearances for transmissions to the Motherworld.

While trying to fix the ship, Aris and Sam share how their parents died. It's giving young love over shared trauma 🥰 They wake to find there is a deer with antlers removed (important!) roasted on a spit and the ship has been repaired. Aris guesses it was Jimmy who did it.

We hear from Jimmy's perspective that he ran to save Sam because he felt the same connection and loyalty to her as he did Princess Issa (interesting). He decides to make his own choices, carves his own staff, cloaks himself with a robe, and a pair of fashionable deer antlers to go into the wilderness.

Hickman hints at Tarak's backstory-- he says Tarak runs when given the chance and that he let his own people die at the hands of the realm.

Cassius takes a call from someone who makes him more uneasy than Noble, a high scribe named Enoch with abilities that defy logic. Cassius finds Noble predictable in his brutality.

We learn more about Cassius: he doesn't have the implants the realm's upper classes and high-ranking officials make to their bodies because it would leave him open in ways he didn't want. Cassius's family isn't native to Moa (the Motherworld) but had been there for generations and became affluent. His mother's penchant for opulence mounted debts for his father, a senator, and her modifications revealed their circumstances to another senator who blackmails them. Cassius's father trades him to serve with the priests who tells him that silence and observation are powerful tools (interesting).

Sexy scene with Noble and the Octopus, called the Twins. They were gifted to him by a warlord and are one of the few things he actually likes. Not shockingly, he is really into tentacle shit and BDSM. Cassius interrupts and Noble offers to let him go a round with the Twins. Cassius, grossed the eff out, politely declines. It's TMI, even for him.

More Cassius backstory: his career in the priesthood doesn't work out; after his family is ruined and executed, he joins the military order where he meets Noble, who confirms his father was responsible for Cassius's family's downfall & execution. In the academy, Cassius sees Noble's cruelty up close. He thinks of Noble as someone charming and cruel, surrounding himself with slightly smarter but less ambitious people. Good at working his way into the right circles.

Daggus is known throughout the galaxy for its cobalt mines. The land was leveled and indigenous life died out. Workers, mostly refugees, move there with the promise of wealth only to be exploited and live in poor conditions.

Kora offers to help Nemesis with Harmada, but she declines. She says: 'Harmada has grown accustomed to the pain of her grief. I know her rage intimately. We are not enemies.'

After watching Gunnar save the child, Kora thinks that even though he isn't a seasoned warrior, he has the heart of one. She's catching feelings.

In a flashback scene, she watches Princess Issa play in the snow at the winter castle. There is a frozen lake with giant fish and creatures swimming underneath (important later).

Kora witnesses Issa bring the bird back to life and warns her not to show anyone her power. Issa recounts that when she was born she almost killed her mother but when she was placed in her arms, the Queen was miraculously healed. Everyone present was sworn to secrecy. Unbeknownst to them, the King watches this scene from the castle window.

The King approaches her later and tells Kora that Issa likes having her as a guard and expresses his happiness at her new role. He asks if she misses her homeworld, but Kora doesn't respond. Balisarius told the King that Kora was abandoned as a child.

King Levitica agreed to help the Bloodaxes because he finds the Imperium's notion of 'homogeneous purity vile' and because 'they neither respect nor value anything that doesn't serve them at the expense of their own lives.' His comfort and kindness remind Kora of Hagen, her father figure on Veldt.

While waiting for the Bloodaxes, Tarak tells the others of how the people of his home, the Samandrai system, were killed or enslaved by the Imperium. Kora asks why he wasn't taken and conscripted to be made an example of. When he doesn't respond, she surmises he left before that could happen. Kai calls him a coward and ribs the other men. He and Titus almost get into a fight. Gunnar tells Kora he thinks Kai is a dick.

Darrian tells Devra that "people need a revolution they can see". When he refers to not allowing another world to fall in their name, he is presumably referring to King Heron's world at the beginning of the book.

A dying King Levitica tells Noble that "goodness will return to the universe. Endless war and needless death will end in the universe., There will be one to bring it back." So sad to see the end of his squidgy face.

Kora and Tarak speak; Tarak doesnt trust Kai, but she brushes it off. Girl, there are SO many alarm bells ringing.

Kai's betrayal reminds Kora of the "first monumental betrayal in her life."

There is more dialogue between Noble and the team as they are bound and about to be transported. Noble mocks Nemesis's dead children (seriously, fuck this guy!!!). The spine machines are meant to paralyse them for transport.

Noble asks if Gunnar will be a problem being transported unbound but Kai laughs it off, saying Gunnar is a coward. Oop. That was a bad read.

The fight sequence actually has them fighting together. Titus acknowledges Nemesis saving his life. Tarak and Titus fight happily side by side.

Darrian's death scene is vague; it says his body 'shut[s] down like the hunk of metal he clung to' while screaming 'Death to the Motherworld! Death to the Realm! For Shasu!' while hysterically laughing.

More dialogue when Noble and Kora fight. When she looks over his (presumably) dead body, she wishes it was Balisarius instead and is sad to know that she'll likely never be able to confront him in person.

There's a "who's going to fly this thing" moment with Kai's freighter. A crime this was left out. (Also, they don't answer this; the freighter apparently just lands itself when they arrive back in Providence.)

Back on Veldt, Sam invites Aris to stay in her home. She loves sewing and quilting, which she learned from her grandmother. Aris likes the quilts, which is good because she has so many.

After the company arrive in the village, they are followed by two Hawkshaws at a distance. They are watched, in turn, by Jimmy.

Devra commands her ships return to 'Base One'.

The astral plane setting where Noble meets Balisarius is confirmed to be the winter gardens of the royal palace where the Princess Issa scene was set.

Balisarius' face is noted to have been kept young with 'fortune and science' (yeah, and bad CGI 😐)

It's explicitly confirmed that Kora is responsible for the assassination of the royal family, or at least is being blamed for it. Noble says: 'I have found her. The hated other who murdered in cold blood that which we held most dear.' He also calls her 'the ethnic impurity, the monster, the Scargiver, the enemy of us all.' Balisarius says Arthelais is the 'assassin of the royal family, she who killed the king and queen, as well as her charge, the Princess Issa.' - From Rebel Moon Part One - A Child of Fire: The Official Movie Novelization by V. Castro Other interesting parts:

The scribes extract the teeth of their victims and put them on their masks in front of an image of Princess Issa to 'honour her.' The effect is, not surprisingly, extremely horrifying.

While Kora is living on the ship, she sees a Kali in a giant metal encasement with 'thick tubes of red and blue energy' and 'something alive in there'. She feels sorry for it, and thinks it is the only other thing on the ship who understands the feeling of being trapped.

Kora's off-worlder status is being made a big deal of, and I'm still not sure why. Balisarius apparently gets no heat for raising the assassin that murders the royal family?

Cassius is given way too much backstory for him to just be a random henchman. I suspect he may be collecting information to overthrow Noble at some point.

I am outing myself as a Sam is Princess Issa truther, even if it doesn't make any sense at all. But I think it's neat.

Sam and Aris ❤

Jimmy ❤

#rebel moon #rebel moon spoilers #a child of fire #rebel moon novelization #kora #gunnar #tarak #atticus noble #cassius #balisarius #Princess Issa #sorry if there’s typos! I will not be bothering to spellcheck this

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thatone-brightstar · 1 year

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The Bear & The Fox (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 9: You catch more bears with honey

Words: 5k

Summary: Who knew Chicago could be so small?

a/n: Please read! I normally only add warnings for like smut, but I don't want to trigger anyone; so listen please, trigger warning: mention of suicide attempt in flashbacks and panic attacks. You have been warned.

Other than that, thank you for sticking around thus far, commenting is always appreciated and if you ever need a friend to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out ❤️‍🩹

Carmy despised many things. The sensation of burning his tongue when he tasted something in a rush, and the hard pressure over his chest every time he opened Mikey’s accounting books, were just a few. But gatherings organized by his family were definitely above everything else, especially when he had no other choice but to attend. He could think of ten things off the top of his head that he’d rather be doing on his off day than drive to his sister’s house in the suburbs and spend a whole fucking afternoon with people he didn’t give a shit about. Yet for whatever reason, instead of spending his Sunday doing something he enjoyed -like going up to the coast or testing his lungs’ capacity to hold in air while he out you out-, instead he was stuck cutting up fruit for a punch Sugar insisted that he take.

He could have easily avoided the whole situation if he had kept his fucking mouth shut, but when he let your name casually slip on one of their spontaneous conversations and she had heard it, he knew she was going to pester him until she got any sort of answer.

“Who’s that?” She asked and he could hear the grin in her voice.

“Uhh..” ‘Shit’.

“Bear, are you seeing someone?”

He had contemplated the question for a second, because he didn’t really know. He never asked you out officially -he didn’t have the words or know what to say- he just wasn’t built like that. And with everything going on in both your lives, he didn’t have much time to contemplate it. Besides, you had been ‘going out’ for a couple months already, and it wasn’t like you seemed bothered by the lack of a label, either.

“Yeah… I-I am.” He spoke, the words falling comfortably around him.

That was enough of an answer for her to insist on bringing you around for one of Pete’s Nephew’s Birthday party -or some shit like that. He was glad that Nat wanted to meet you, and under any other circumstances he would have obliged, but god did he hate that shit and the simple thought of being around screeching children made his skin crawl.

“Don’t add strawberries to the punch. Remember Pete’s allergic.” Nat called through the phone as he finished thinly slicing the oranges. “I don’t want him to end up in the ER like that one fourth of July party.”

Carmy snickered into the phone that rested on his shoulder. “I told ‘em that shit had berries in it, his dumbass wouldn’t listen.” He grumbled.

“Well what did you expect? You idiots had him taking shots ‘till he was cross-eyed! He was lucky the alcohol made him puke ‘em out...”

“Yeah… that was a fun party.” He joked, earning an incoherent groan from his sister. “Fine... I won’t add berries.”

“Thank you. Alright I’ll see you in a few.” She said, mumbling a quick ‘Love you’ before hanging up.

By the time he was done saving the diced fruit into the containers, Carmy heard his front door open and your soft steps advance deeper down the hall. He enjoyed how quickly you had gotten comfortable going in and out of his apartment, particularly after he had given you your own set of keys. ‘That way you won’t have to wait at the gallery when I’m runnin’ late’ He had said in the most nonchalant way, though his insides felt like shutting down at the idea of your rejection. Your thank you came in the form of a heartwarming candlelit dinner, complete with an entree and dessert- that he had unknowingly bought- and that you hoped expressed all your gratitude. He had to bite his tongue many times that night because it was the only way to avoid a ‘Fuck, I love you’ to slip past his lips.

“Hey, hun.” You called, dropping the box of cupcakes you insisted on bringing and leaning up to peck his lips.

“You know you don’t have to take anything, right?”

“And show up empty handed? Do you not know me at all, Berzatto?” You joked, popping a piece of pineapple into your mouth before he sealed the container. “Besides, they’re cupcakes, that shit’s like catnip for kids.”

He snickered lowly as you took a seat on the barstool across from him.

“D’you need help with anything?”

“Nah, I’m good Love, thanks.” He said and you shuffled in your seat trying to ignore the flutter in your chest that the simple word caused. You wondered if there would ever be a time where his sweet words wouldn’t pull such a reaction from you, ‘hopefully never’ you thought.

“So, what should I expect?” You asked him.

“What’do you mean?”

“Yeah, y’know any weird uncles to stay away from…”

“I mean, my uncle Jimmy’s kinda iffy but that’s about it.”

With a soft smile you asked “You got an uncle named Jimmy?”

“Why, is that weird?”

“No, just… very Italian of you.” You said with a laugh.

“Shut up” He half laughed. “He’s more of a family friend… but y’know, everyone’s an uncle.”

“No, yeah I get it, same” you laughed. “Okay, so just your uncle Jimmy, then?”

“Oh and Pete. He’s not weird, just a nerd, but you’ll probably get along fine.” He grinded then sniggered harder when you playfully pushed his shoulder.

He quickly got dressed while you skipped through the few channels available on his TV. Then once he was ready, although just physically, you helped him with the fruit containers while he carried the gallon of punch and your cupcakes down to the first floor.

The car ride was spent on raking your nails mindlessly along his arm as he asked about your paintings and the classes you gave to the few kids who didn’t go away for the summer. You also talked about the upcoming function and how you weren’t sure of the theme you wanted for your paintings yet. Between that and the classes, you didn’t have much time to use the workshop in the back, but you made good use of the extra hour you sometimes stayed while waiting for him.

In turn, Carmy told you about Marcus’ new desserts and how proud he was that the team was starting to come together after so long. You remembered Syd calling you a few weeks before, excited that Tina had finally called her chef and a fondness spread through you at how things were finally turning for both of them. For everyone really.

The closer you got to the destination, the more your nerves bubbled in your stomach. Your foot bounced anxiously in the passenger seat of Richie’s car, making the box of cupcakes that rested on your lap rustle with your movements. Your insides were a worried mess as you nibbled on your thumbnail with eyes glued on the road and a thousand thoughts racing per minute. Carmy took his hand from the steering wheel and placed it gently over your bouncing knee, trying to calm you, but it only transformed your thoughts into words that spilled from your parted lips.

“What if she hates me?”

“She's not gonna hate you.” He reassured.

“How do you know that?!”

“Because she's been buggin’ me about you for the past two weeks.” Carmy groaned in a faux exasperated tone.

“Sorry, I’m just really nervous. I’ve never met anyone’s family before.” You said, threading your fingers tightly through his.

“Yeah? It’s going to be fine, trust me.” He assured and reached your joined hands up to kiss the back of yours. He wanted to admit that this too was a first for him, but you were nervous enough as it was and he didn’t want to burden you with his own anxieties.

You reached Sugar’s house around noon, the bustling sound of feral children penetrated the closed windows of the car even as he parked half a block away. You both sat in the silence for a couple minutes, basking in the few moments of peace left.

“I hate this shit too,” Carmy said while opening your door. “but we’ll be an hour or two, max. Just to get Sugar off my ass.”

“What, you don’t wanna parade me around like arm candy?” You teased to hide your obvious tenseness.

“Trust me babe, if I could, I’d keep you all to myself…” He mumbled with a sigh against your temple before placing a kiss on it and rounding the car to take out the stuff from the back.

The first thing you were met with after crossing the threshold was the heavy smell of smoked sausages. Toasted bread and the sweetness of caramelized onion filtered through your nostrils as you made your way deeper into the room. The excess sounds of laughter from the living room mixed with the distant screaming was slightly overwhelming, but you were soon grounded by Carmy’s strong arm around your waist, guiding you to where you assumed the smell came from.

“Bear!” The tall woman greeted once she spotted her brother, taking off the oven mitts and walking to his side to hug over his shoulders.

You stood a bit awkwardly to the side, before she pulled away from him and looked at you with a smile.

“Hi, I’m Nat.” She introduced herself after a few seconds where no one spoke. You took her outstretched hand with a nervous chuckle and introduced yourself.

“Shit- right, sorry. This is my sister Nat, Nat this is my -uh- girlfriend.” His words came out rushed, afraid that once they were out you’d refuse them. But all he saw were glowing eyes and blushed cheeks pushed up from your smile.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, well by name at least.” Sugar said, eyes raking over her brother in scrutiny. “I saw you at the restaurant once, right?”

Your palms grew sweaty at the memory, how you had stupidly believed Richie and how you had thought that the woman in front of you was Carmy’s wife. Now that you stood closer and could find traces of his face scattered around hers, you wanted to slap yourself for ever believing such an idiotic lie.

“Yeah, I worked there for a couple months.” You responded, placing the box of cupcakes over her kitchen island, where she began flipping the hotdog buns she had pulled from the oven.

“And what do you do now?”

“She’s an artist.” Carmy answered for you, a proudness evident on his light features as he turned to you with a ghost of a smile.

“I give painting classes to kids. And also do some work on the side.” You specified.

“That’s pretty cool. You must be used to all of this, then.” Natalie said, signaling to some kids that ran past the doorway playing tag.

You laughed in agreement, the nervousness dissipating the more you interacted with her. While Carmy mixed the punch, you helped her buttering the buns and placing a sausage in each one, all throughout a scattered conversation.

“I’m gonna take these to Pete.” She said, taking the tray of hotdogs and thanking you for the help. “Bear, once you're done, put the punch out on the patio, will you? And try not to spike it with anything!” Natalie yelled from the door.

“It was one time!” He yelled back, a smile hidden behind his words. “It was just once…” He muttered softly to you.

“I believe you…” You assured with a teasing smile. “So… girlfriend, huh?”

He gave you one of those looks that made your insides quiver, the kind that had you all flustered and throwing the dishes into the murky water when you still worked at the beef. Carmen shrugged and looked back down at the punch with a soft smile.

“I thought it was a good time…”He whispered. “A-are you okay… with it?”

He looked at you again. Crystal eyes gave a clear view to his swirling emotions and for a brief moment, you finally understood why they say that the eyes are windows to the soul.

“Yeah. I’m really okay with it. ” You whispered back and despite your hectic surroundings, his glowing features proved that he had heard your every word.

“Good, good.” He rambled, clearing his throat.

“Carmen, my boy!”

You both turned to the entrance, where a man with slicked back hair and thick aviator glasses walked towards Carmy, arms stretched out.

“Haven’t seen you since you roofied my kid’s party!” His chuckle boomed as he hugged Carmy, one hand clapping hard over his back.

“Jesus, why is everyone rememberin’ that today all of a sudden?” Carmy joked. “And it was Xanax, okay? I’m not a fuckin’ perv…”

“I’ll forget it when you do somethin’ worse, alright? Wow…” He said, turning to you. “You’re new.”

You whispered a nervous ‘Hi’ to who Carmy introduced as Cicero, or his uncle Jimmy, the man taking you by the shoulders and placing a soft kiss on each cheek. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by a group of people greeting your boyfriend, all with a different topic and speaking over each other's words. He navigated easily around them, as if the action was almost routinary, though the hard grip he had around your hand gave away how anxious the situation really made him feel.

They were asking you questions too, flinging them in your direction, hoping you’d catch the bait. ‘How’d you meet?!’, ‘How long have you been together?’, ‘I’m glad he finally has a girlfriend, we were startin’ to think he was gay!’. The last one earned an uproar of laughter from the group and distracted them enough that you could pull yourself away from the hoard. Carmy wasn’t so lucky, one of his aunts had her arm looped through his, holding him in place. You shot him an apologetic look as you took the punch and hauled it out the back door, mouthing a ‘Sorry’ with a shrug and a smile.

You placed the glass cylinder on the long white table that rested on the grass, surrounded by platters of fruit and some already cooked hotdogs. The noise was a bit higher than inside, but the soft breeze of the summer afternoon helped calm the slow growing headache.

“The wolf pack got to you, huh?” Natalie asked, placing another tray of cooked dogs then standing beside you.

“Yeah.. I guess.”

“I think they just got all excited cause they’ve never seen him with anyone…” She turned to look at her brother through the glass door, with a certain softness that one only reserves for someone who you’ve seen grow up.

You turned too, he was listening intently to a short woman speak, hands clasped behind his back and nodding politely to her conversation. The crowd had dispersed and you were glad that he didn’t have to be stuck in the whirlpool of taunts from his family anymore.

“Haven’t really seen him outside that stupid place in a while...” She spoke, pulling you from your thoughts. “Did he… tell you about Mikey?”

You let a few seconds pass before answering “He kinda mentioned him, once.”

Nat nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the playing children around you. “Well, I’m glad he at least has someone to talk to. God knows he won't even take my calls.”

She smiled down at you, a soft tint around the rim of her eyes and the button of her nose. It was surprising how similar they looked, even in their sadness, their facial expressions mirrored each other’s well. You wondered if Mikey looked anything like them, sharing the same sandy blonde hair and the saddest of blue eyes.

She then sniffed softly and cleared her throat. “Drink?” She filled up the plastic cup with the orange liquid once you nodded.

“Babe, look! someone gave Jack a plane!” A tall man shouted towards Natalie, while shaking the controller in her direction. “Come see!”

“I gotta go make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone-” She grumbled to you, making you laugh, then took her cup and began walking towards him. “You’re doing great, babe!”

You stood leaning on the side of the table, sipping on your drink and observing your surroundings. You watched how Nat’s husband wrapped his arms around her and tried teaching her how to steer the model plane. Then, how in a fit of laughter it came plummeting down and almost crashed into the ground before it rose back up again. You silently giggled from afar at their actions and how happy they seemed.

“You left me alone to die in there.” You felt Carmy’s sultry breath fan the side of your face, then his arm fall softly over your shoulders.

“Hmm, you seemed pretty comfortable to me…”

“Yeah, right.” He sniggered.

“Your uncle Jimmy seems nice…”

“Yeah.. just never borrow money from him..” Carmy mumbled and before you could ask what he meant, he cleared his throat and leaned down to whisper in your ear. “D’you wanna get outta here?”

You looked up to glistening eyes and bit your lip to hide your smile. “What did you have in mind?”

He shrugged looking around the open space and taking your cup before raising it to his lips. “Dunno. I just know that you look really fuckin’ hot in those jeans and it’s driving me insane.”

Your breath got caught in your throat at his blunt response, the smile on your face curving into a more mischievous one and you looked around wondering if his family would even notice your absence.

“Okay. ” You whispered up at him and his brows raised in surprise. “I’ll, uhm just use the bathroom and meet you by the car” Then you stepped up on your toes and kissed the curve of his lips.

As you made your way past the kitchen and along the hallway that harbored the open bathroom door, you saw an array of picture frames decorating the cream colored walls. You took your time admiring each one, a fondness blossoming inside your chest as you spotted the familiar pair of eyes and wild hair. The frames were in timeline order and even though there weren’t many pictures, it was nice to see the siblings slowly growing up. You recognized two of the three in one of the images, which seemed to have been taken on Christmas morning. The third, an older boy with raven hair, was the one you could only assume as Michael. He looked different than what you imagined he would, but all three shared the same beaming smile.

It wasn’t until you reached the end of the hall that the fondness you felt in your chest turned into heavy bricks, plummeting into the ground and ripping a hole through the floor. You recognized the older dark pair of tired eyes staring back at you, how could you not? You had seen them many times before in the nightmares that you foolishly tried to escape. But it was too much of a coincidence and there was no way that Chicago could be that small. Yet the picture could not be clearer.

In front of the less rundown restaurant that you had come to love, stood a younger Carmy, maybe in his late teens, with his arm falling loosely over his older brother- a man whose face you had not known before, but could now unmistakably identify as the one who you had run into that unfaithful night on the bridge.

Your body shattered in sudden waves of cold sweats and you weren’t sure how long you had been standing in the middle of the hallway, gawking at the picture. Your hand held a tight grip on your stomach as the other hovered over the erratic beating of your chest, trying but failing to calm it down. The same adrenaline laced thought kept running in circles around your head ‘Chicago can’t be that small. It’s just a similar face.’ But no matter how hard you tried to kid yourself, you knew deep down that it was him.

The burning pressure began to grow and you used the last bit of strength left to move your legs from where they stood frozen on the floor, into the entrance of the bathroom and shutting the door with an impolite slam. It was then that the memories fell too heavy, pushing you down to level the floor and crushing your chest into an uncountable number of pieces. The bustling sounds of the party seemed too far away, clouded by the static ringing in your ears and by the sound of your own shallow breaths. You could feel the panic attack slowly inching closer to you, the corners of your vision bled dark and made the yellow lights in the bathroom swirl into watercolors that turned white and gray everything around you. You tried the stupid breathing exercises again, but every exhale left with a chest shaking cry that you had to silence with the flesh of your palm.

The static in your ears now turned into rushing water and the overwhelming screech of tires and metal crashing against thick concrete. You were cold again, harsh pins and needles poked at the skin of your bare feet with every step on the fresh snow. You were cold and numb. Hot tears streamed from your eyes, burning a trail down your frostbitten cheeks and salting your trembling lips. You were angry again, cold and angry and numb all at once, feeling your fingertips glide over the freezing metal railing of the bridge. Clouds of hot air left your lungs in shaky breaths as your aching bones gripped tightly and your feet climbed up between the rails that separated you from endless nothing.

Then finally, as your legs swung over the metal and you sat with your feet hanging over the dark water, you felt… nothing. It was as if all the pain that had been compressing your chest over the past months had suddenly evaporated. There was no lying boyfriend, no sickly grandmother or frustrated career. Just you, the icy barrier nipping at the back of your thighs through your leggings and the thousands of twinkling stars that had never looked brighter in the light polluted sky. You could lastly enjoy the silence you had so desperately tried to find during the months where your life seemed to fall apart. It was there, right in front of you, if you were only so brave to take the small leap and reach out to touch it.

A voice called your name from a distance, trying to break past the thick mirage that replayed in an endless loop. A soft blow vibrated against your back and the muffled voice called again with no response. It was as if you were trapped in a snow globe, cursed to relive the haunting memory of your own demise. Not even the constant vibration of the discarded phone resting beside you on the tiles could pull you out of your head.

‘You don’t wanna do that…’ A deep voice called from behind you. ‘You don’t wanna do that.’

**********

Carmy knew something was wrong when after twenty minutes of waiting by the car, you never came out or answered his calls. He asked his sister if she had seen you and when she answered ‘no’, his worry increased. His first thought was to search deep into the hallway and could hear you behind the bathroom door, soft whimpers that were barely audible through the outside noise, but still present. With his heart in his throat, he was able to push the unlocked door open just enough for his sister to slip past the narrow space and find you curled against it, eyes glued to the wall in front of you but completely dissociated.

Natalie crouched down towards you in a hurry, wrapping her hands over your tear stained cheeks and pulling your blank face up to help your eyes focus on hers.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Look at me-” She urged.

Only a soft ‘I knew him..’ fell over and over from your lips.

“Breathe, hun, you gotta breathe, okay?” Her voice was neutral, but the slight tremble in her hands gave away the thin panic.

“Your brother-” You finally said, swallowing the dryness that invaded your throat. “I-I knew him he- I-”

The words felt heavy over your tongue, head still clouded with the visions of a memory that you thought buried six feet deep. You could feel the loose soil around it pile inside your mouth as the words unearthed themselves.

“it’s okay, yes Carmy’s outside-”

“No, Mikey! T-that night, on-on the bridge when I… He was there, he-” You took a deep breath and screwed your eyes shut. “I-I was gonna jump and he-” A soft cry replaced your words, then you felt Natalie’s arms circle your back and press you hard against her.

The force of your cries were muffled by her shirt, staining the soft fabric with your snot and makeup, but she didn’t seem to care. You still couldn’t understand it. It felt like a cruel joke orchestrated by whoever the fuck was in charge of existece, to make you believe that you could finally leave all your horrible mistakes in the past - to let you grace happiness with the tips of your fingers- only to have reality slap you in the face and beat you back down to the ground.

The pressure of her hug grounded you back to your body and helped create a tempo for your erratic breathing, until soft sniffles were all that was left of your breakdown. Her soft strokes on the back of your head comforted you in a way you didn’t know, in a way that only an older sister could.

You felt Carmy’s soft knocks vibrate on the door and a slight panic bubbled again.

“You can’t tell him! He’s gonna hate me, you can’t-” You whispered in a rush.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay..” She hummed. “I’m not gonna tell him, okay? I won’t. But you’ll have to eventually. He has the right to know.”

“I know, I know. I will, I promise, but I can’t right now. I just- I can’t…”

She nodded in understanding and pulled her arms from you, letting you push yourself onto wobbly knees and make your way to the sink, where you tried to clean up as best as you could. After washing away the remnants of salty mascara streaks on your cheeks and drying your face, you turned to Natalie still sniffing back a few tears.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

She only nodded slowly with a forced tight smile and raked her fingers through her hair in a gesture that reminded you heavily of her brother.

“I’m gonna -uh- stay here. A little longer.”

With a soft ‘Okay’ in her direction and a heavy heart, you turned to exit.

Carmy quickly pushed himself off the hallway wall where he patiently waited for you, a heavy look of worry concealed under his creased brow.

“A-are you okay? Do I take you to the ER or somethin’...” He rambled as soon as he spotted you, reaching up to rub warmth into your cold arms. “Jesus, you’re freezing. Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah. I didn’t mean to freak you out, I'm sorry.” And you truly meant it, but he couldn’t grasp on to what degree. “I just got really overwhelmed-”

“Hey, no- it’s okay, don’t apologize.” He wrapped his strong arms around your shaking frame and whispered “I knew this was a shitty idea…” Into your hair.

You shakily inhaled the familiar scent of his aftershave and cigarettes, the voice in your head taunting you to ‘Enjoy it while you can, after you tell him, he won’t even want to look at you’ and a fresh batch of tears threatened to burst out.

“Where.. where’s Sugar?”

“She said she needed the bathroom.” You mumbled into his shirt.

“Okay…C’mon, let’s get you home.”

All you could do was nod and trail behind him, hand locked tightly into his. The party had moved to the patio, where a chorus of voices sang Happy Birthday, oblivious to your escape. You had underestimated the time you spent in the bathroom because what had felt like only a couple of minutes to you, was actually long enough for the sun to start setting over the skyline by the time Carmy turned on the car and began the drive back.

Your forehead spent the whole ride home pressed to the window, hoping that your skin absorbed some of the coldness and reduced the pounding between your brows. Carmy’s hand never left your leg and you didn’t look in his direction, scared to see the hardened expression that loomed over his features when he was deep in his head. You felt guilty. To see the poor man in torturing thought, trying to figure out what it was that could have made you spiral in such a way. You only spoke when you asked him to drop you off at your building and he made no effort to contradict your choice, despite heavily wanting to.

You only threw an empty smile and a kiss on his cheek, accompanied by a soft ‘good night’ before rapidly exiting the car and disappearing behind the hard wooden doors. Carmy felt confused and worried, above anything else and couldn’t shake the sensation off his shoulders as he reached his eerily silent apartment without you.

The stairs to your floor had never felt more difficult to climb, and when you finally dragged yourself through your door and spotted your grandfather resting on the couch, the dam that had only slightly cracked in Natalie’s bathroom, finally broke. You flung yourself to his side and cried until the back of your throat felt raw and stung with the waves of your shuddering breaths. He held you close without question, rubbing your back rhythmically and humming one of the lullabies he’d sing to calm you down as a child.

You didn’t know if you cried out of guilt, anger or fear. Or if maybe it was a mixture of it all, but it didn’t matter. Because the only image that swam infinitely in your head was the menacing memory of the frostbitten skin on your cheeks and the -until today- unknown man that had pulled you off the State Street Bridge’s edge.

Chapter 10.

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne, @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha, @yum-yahgurt and that’s it lmao

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iridescentscarecrow · 2 months

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i've mentioned the categorisation prevalent in early csm before in my 156 post but i think the way this human/devil dichotomy is engaged with through aki, and how this engagement is so intertwined with both the ghost devil/future devil collaboration and the mouse metaphor is very important in how it eventually feeds into denji.

because devils in their essence are despite aki's categorisation, in reality, ultimately shackled by humans. devils are ideas that are built out of human fears and imaginings. devils are used as tools by the public safety while simultaneously being the ones they fight against.

fujimoto's story telling is non normative. it doesn't attribute evil to even an agent such as makima. it sets these agents against structure. aki meanwhile does categorise into good and evil, and this re: how he frames his goal is what consigns him into structure.

denji's encounter with him sets for us much of early csm, as we see denji's artificial goal formation occurs through a mimicry of aki's. this is despite much of his reality and initial circumstances being more similar to power's (the pet/pochita for denji -> artificiality of Dream Goal). power attempts to empathise with denji's situation at the bat devil location meanwhile

aki overtly attempts not to do this, in spite of being a character who is able to empathise (reading this ability in the frame of the very devil/human duality he imagines). this is obviously visible in his treatment of denji in early p1.

when he sees denji as a human, he smokes the cigarette and throws it onto denji. its an implicit sharing of a role, as well an acknowledgement of the wastedness of it. it's so interesting to me that this "kindness" of his makes him try to kick denji out from Structure.

the notable change here is when makima describes how denji is bound and threatens denji's life in front of aki. because makima is structure, and aki's categorised viewpoint does not allow for defiance of structure.

we see him for a split second exhibit concern. and in the same chapter he tells denji, despite being just told that denji is a hybrid: "if you're a devil, be grateful we're letting you live." this categorisation allows him to ignore denji's circumstance and immerse himself into his goal.

holding both angel and reze's occupation of the role of the country mouse is something that informs the parallels between their respective beach scenes. there's a lot of flesh to this re: reze//angel and makima which i'm not elaborating on here but i find it poignant how both scenes involve the country mouse asking aki//denji about the person they like, the relation to structure, makima.

and the artificiality of structure is something that's constructed for denji in makima's case (not just her self, but also the Family) and for aki, it's a substantiation derived from himeno, a repetition around the idea of Ghost.

himeno's character is so very interesting to me, in her expression of messy agency. the cigarette shared between akimeno is a signifier of the fatalism that clouds (pardon the pun) their relationship. and this fatalism centres around the choice being made by himeno (and aki) to stay in PS, within aki's doomed pursuit.

this pursuit isn't one shared by himeno, we know this from her letters. himeno has the ability to leave but chooses to stay. understanding her agency through the Ghosts of her old buddies she bestows upon aki is so important because

himeno's also the one who teaches aki to smoke, shares with him her own fatalism, derives a feeling self from this encounter, one both outwardly irreverent and inwardly desperate.

she muses about this feeling, contrasting her emptiness in the graveyard in the moments before her death. her love for aki is very much an expression of her own autonomy, a choice that you see repeat in aki: in the rift between flashback!aki and his present self. the imbued expectance of death.

he attempts to connect with her and this triggers her writing herself into his tragedy. because he's soft. because he cries when people die, and will cry at the graveyard where she stood in front of her buddies' graves

a Ghost isn't the person who died, it's the concentration (the intangible effect of them) on the person who lived. himeno recreates herself onto aki as she becomes more and more unlike the empty self in the graveyard. the ghost devil is a marker of how her agency enacts onto aki his own personal tragedy.

and this is where easy revenge comes in. the ghost devil is the one that hands aki this cigarette. himeno's ghost mirrors both how he translates his family and the element of choice so central to the aki//denji interplay. categorisation comes back here because at its core:

easy revenge is. revenge that's easy! simple! i will blame the gun devil (an Other) for my family's death, despite it being a product of multiple causal (human) factors. this externalisation will further lock me into the structure responsible for its production and make me its agent, partaking in and re-enacting these very cycles that made me hurt in the first place.

fjmt literally hits us over the head with this line of thought in the implication that mkm in essence coordinated the gun devil contractors. and in the end the nut kicking competition is himeno's requiem, aki's easy revenge, the cigarette ghost handed him.

and the irony is that this competition (this setting into structure) is shared with denji, someone who borrows his goal from aki but whose circumstances resemble power's, angel's, reze's.

the halfway there city mouse (choosing both choices in part two), himeno's choice too located within denji in the rooftop's scene's extension. she stays in the PS for aki, denji refuses to run away with reze because of makima’s construction. but delinking denji from his proximity to aki/goal formation reminds us of the muscle devil arc, denji offering to leave with the girl.

and you see this happen!! despite the refusal: a recognition of this connection is what makes denji ask reze to run away with him at the beach. and aki too finds himself on the beach. he quits smoking alongside him starting to use the future devil’s powers. future offsets ghost (past) and is responsible for the entirety of aki’s horrific tragedy, that subversion.

the beach is the site where the city mice attempt to detach from structure. denji leaning away from makima (the root of the artificial goal formation), aki leaning towards family (contradictory to Ghost/his externalised goal).

in both cases, this attempt is subsumed by makima. she takes & repurposes reze’s prior violence onto denji in the alleyway. she swallows up both angel’s complicity in that scene and their remembering their past into chaining aki, finally, entirely devoid of agency, enshrined into that structure.

and in a feat of sick irony, aki becomes the Ghost (the gun he externalised his anger and direction into) for denji. this is the worst possible death, denji’s forced mirror whose very frame and viewpoint is upset and molded in a way to force denji along his own structure, the story makima writes for the chainsaw man.

#chainsaw man #crow.txt #csm meta #aki hayakawa #csm

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bird-inacage · 9 months

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Only Friends: Clues to Ray's Mother's Death

So I was rewatching Episode 2 earlier today when I suddenly caught a few details I didn't notice before, which are fairly easy to miss.

Does alcoholism run in the family?

We're shown that Ray is clearly not comfortable talking about his mother's death which suggests a degree of sensitivity around the circumstances or understandably he's still affected by the trauma it caused him. When framed in such a way, there's an implication of foul play or 'more to the story' than may first appear.

I noticed in the flashback that his mother seems to have a glass container and stopper laying on the floor beside her, and what looks like another in the palm of her outstretched hand. Both are clearly empty. The decanter on the floor looks like the kind you'd typically keep whisky in. There are also a couple more decanters off to the left side, sitting on the mantel. But it's intentional that the detail closest to us is blurred and easy to miss as the flashback is very brief.

When I initially watched the episode, I did get a odd sense of foreboding that there's more to Ray's alcoholism than meets the eye. It's possible that such a habit was triggered/exacerbated by grief, or maybe it has more to do with his upbringing than we'd like to imagine. If there's a possibility that his mother happened to be an alcoholic too, Ray could be navigating a very risky path that may lead to the tragic irony of following his mother's footsteps.

The Record Room

The other detail I noticed is Ray keeps a photo of her behind the bar. This is an interesting location for such a personal item to be on display. If you're wealthy enough to have a in-house bar, that tends to be a place for hosting/entertaining. So it's less common to find personal objects in these types of spaces.

It sits by the entrance to Ray's record room. When Ray leads Sand in, it felt like he was inviting him into a private area (or a secret hideout) of sorts. A little safe haven that is all his own in this enormous mansion. Ray reveals that the record(s) now belong to him since his mother's passing which informs us his mother had a passion for music. Ray may have set up such a room in tribute to her memory, or it simply provides him with comfort to have a physical manifestation of something he and his mother shared in common. In which case, the photo watches over this space.

If my first theory is on the right track, there is the alternative possibility that the photo acts as a stark reminder instead. Something that Ray tried to put in place to steer him away from the path his mother took. It also sits atop a glass cabinet that coincidentally contains many glass decanters similar to the one I mentioned above in the flashback.

Connections to Sand

Now I remember someone making a comment that there was obvious irony in pairing an alcoholic with someone who bootlegs their own alcohol. But perhaps the plot may toy with this idea more than just on pure irony alone.

What I do also really like is that the record(s) are a memory of Ray's mother. The fact that Sand is a musician and shares his mother's taste in music, creates an association between the two. Sand is a reminder of the things Ray's mother liked. And perhaps this is what also attracts Ray to Sand. There's something about him which feels comforting and familiar.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #ray x sand #sand x ray #ray #raysan #sanray #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #did anyone else notice this?#my heart skipped a beat #i foresee pain on the horizon

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mmhcs · 9 months

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Sun Comes Out Again

Miles Morales x PTSD!Reader

Foreword: I know that everyone’s experience is different but these are just my headcannons of how I think 1610!Miles would handle a partner with trauma

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD (uncomfortable feelings, mood swings, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc.)

When (and if) you tell him, Miles, while shocked, tries not to let that be the only emotion he conveys in the moment. He tries his best to listen, letting you explain the situation, your feelings, etc.

To be really honest, he's just been under the impression that you're anxious (like him) about making sure the relationship is going well and that the other feels loved and appreciated.

Miles knows a lot about mental health, but he also doesn't really know a lot about mental health. Like, don't get me wrong, he's most definitely an emotionally intelligent guy and he's the number one advocate for mental health, especially that of his fellow Black boys. But when it comes to learning about the specifics of how to deal with triggers and flashbacks...He's still some ways to go. But, despite not knowing everything, Miles tries his best.

Despite him having Spider-sense, Miles is not a mind-reader. (I mean, have you seen the movies? He's emotionally intelligent but you have to remember that his brain mainly thinks when necessary). He notices your shifts in mood, yes, but you have to communicate with him. If you tell him what you want or need, he'll try his best to give it to you.

^You need reassurance? He'll make it a point to start slipping in more compliments and reminders that he's so thankful and grateful to have you in his life. You feel anxious and like the world is too big? Depends. If you want company, he'll sit with you, put something on and just sit with you. No words need to be exchanged. However, if you want to be alone? That's cool, too. He'll probably send a text or two (the first just saying that he hopes you're okay and that you'll get through this, the latter being a good night text where he emphasizes the same thing).

For my readers that tend to isolate themselves: he's okay with you needing your space. But Miles knows that difference between when you're not at 100% and need some time and when you're purposefully isolating yourself as a punishment, self-harm, because you feel unloveable, etc.

^If you tend to isolate yourself, Miles won't force you to do anything that feels uncomfortable or too much for you. If anything, he'll simply come over (or invite you over to his place) and go about his business while you do your thing. If you're up for doing anything, however, then you best believe that he's making plans, getting ready, texting his parents, saying that he might not be home for dinner...No matter the circumstance, he just wants you to know that you're worthy of love and shouldn't have to go through what you're going through alone.

Miles tries his best not to take anything personally. Like, if you two are cuddling and suddenly you don't want to be touched anymore or it all feels like too much and you want to be alone, it's not biggie to him. He'll find other things to do (draw, bake, annoy his parents and/or friends at the Spider Society).

Miles hates seeing you depressed. When he sees you like that, he feels sad (he's a Certified Empath, okay?). He wants to make you feel better and take away all your sadness but he knows that it doesn't work like that. So, he does the next best thing and helps you power through it.

^Asks if you've taken your medication, does regular checkups to see how you're doing, encourages you to go out, do your hair, dress up, be happy or, alternatively, encourages you to cry, wallow, be angry, take a break. He's very big on feeling what you're feeling and letting it out.

^^ Supports you on your healing journey. If you decide to go on medication, he's cheering you on, sitting beside you as you weigh the pros and cons, giving you advice and suggestions. If you (also) go to therapy, he's sure not to schedule dates that interfere with appointment times, reminds you of your upcoming appointments (I would say who needs a calendar when you have Miles but he probably uses the calendar to remember your appointments, too), and always, always, always asks you how you feel after each appointment.

^^^"Do...Do you feel like that [therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist] hears you? Because, you know, it's okay if you don't; we can always find a new person for you!"

After hearing and listening to you, Miles starts to think that he, too, may have PTSD. And, I mean, he probably does. Did y'all see how that boy became Spiderman? I don't think an adult could handle all that and my good sir was how old at the time? Fourteen? Fifteen?

Miles would be hesitant to talk about it at first (whether or not you know that he's Spiderman) because he doesn't want to feel like he's "piggybacking" off of you and also is he really traumatized or just overreacting?

He'd eventually tell you, though. If you know that he's Spiderman, he tells you the story of how it happened and if you don't know then he focuses more on the part about losing Uncle Aaron and how things have seemingly been constantly changing and stressful since then.

With your help, he would formulate a plan to talk to Rio and Jeff (or should I say Mr. and Mrs. Morales? Rio, please don't hit me) about starting therapy.

When he finally does tell them, Miles is scared out of his mind. Like, he's having an about-to-faint anxiety attack during the whole conversation. And what makes it even worse is that instead of giving an immediate response, his parents tell him that they're going to "talk it over" with each other.

^^During the first second that she and her husband are alone, Rio is advocating for Miles to go to therapy. Jeff agrees and has no problem with it, but Rio closes the door and says something like, "Start researching counselors," like they just didn't tell Miles that they were going to talk it over.

Rio knows her son and she's noticed the shift in his behavior ever since he's started attending Brooklyn Visions. She doesn't know if it's the school itself or something else going on behind the scenes and sometimes it drives her crazy at night. It hurts a little that her little man doesn't want to tell her but make no mistake, that's still her baby and she'll do anything for him and his happiness. So, if he wants to try therapy, then best believe, she'll be all around the hospital, asking for recommendations.

Miles is a nervous wreck before his first therapy session. He's hyperventilating, scared, rethinking everything. But once you (and his parents) come in to calm him down and remind him that this isn't weakness; it's a bold and brave decision that he made, he starts to calm down.

Y'all share coping mechanisms that you learn in therapy. Y'all make a commitment to learn more about each other's triggers and how you can best help each other through your rough times. Y'all regularly remind each other that you are not broken, not damaged, and worthy of all the love in the world.

You two most definitely have a secret spot that y'all go to when one or both of y'all are not feeling it.

Overall, Miles loves you and through your love, he has learned about himself and is happier and healthier than ever.

Bonus: Imagine Miles as Spiderman, screaming from a rooftop, "Mental Health Is Important!"

I had fun with this one.

To anyone struggling right now: Keep going, you're doing amazing. You are so loved and I'm proud of you for deciding to embark on this journey. It may not feel like you're making progress or like you don't know what you're doing but you'd be surprised how much of healing is throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

And to anyone currently going through it: It will be okay. I'm so darn proud of you for persevering and remember, when you sink to the bottom, the only way left to go is upwards. You're so loved.

If you need someone to talk to or just want to chat, you can always send a message!

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bbugyu · 2 years

Text

jeonghan had spent his whole life imprisoned, but being in your service is what finally set him free.

bewitched | coming soon

wc.25.2k | vampire!jeonghan x gn witch!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, horror comedy, band au ?, mentions of past trauma (details under cut), contractual servitude, mentions of blood, minor injuries (just cuts and scratches really), drinking, swearing, smoking, can i write jeonghan without argumentive flirting, vampire kisses (both kinds)

hi everyone! i, once again, have caught up with jeonghan age wise 😎 as of today we are the same age until october. to celebrate, here is an insanely long vampire au i created after this past january when i was hyperfixating HARD on a webtoon called bloody sweet (available to read here!). the circumstances of jeonghan and the mc's relationship and some major plot points (keyword: some) were inspired heavily by that original comic, so i want to give credit where credit is due! though i changed quiiiite a lot, so it's definitely not the same story loool. please enjoy a long burn vampy witchy jeonghan au!

thanks to @sichengtual and @babiemingoo for beta reading!

taglist (send me an ask to be added!): @soobin-chois

the following possibly triggering events happen in flashbacks or are mentioned in dialogue: familial death, suicide attempts, kidnapping/imprisonment, and murder

"c'mon, it's not that big of a deal," hyejin laughed, tugging your arm. "don't tell me you have a weird feeling, i know that's bullshit."

you swallowed harshly as she dragged you into the main cathedral. her, along with several of your other friends, decided that the only way to properly celebrate halloween would be to find an old abandoned church in the woods and get drunk in the rotting pews, but all the hair on your neck stood on end as soon as you entered the building. you looked around, the light streaming vaguely in through the warped stained glass windows inlaid in stone, and you wondered how long it took for such things to fall apart. how long a place like this could exist in a country where christianity had only arrived in the late 1800s. how quickly it must have been abandoned to have come to this state.

mingyu and jihoon were ahead of you, kicking aside broken wood from the altar to clear space for you all to sit, and your eyes ran up the cross hanging over them. something here didn't feel right, but there wasn't much you could say as you were pulled to join your bandmates.

"did you bring your tarot cards?" hyejin asked, and you just shook your head. "aw, c'mon, hex! you aren't gonna give us fortunes on halloween?"

"not here," you said, rolling your eyes at the nickname as you sat on the pew in the front row, eyes catching mingyu's for a second. "i'm not trying to invite bad juju on my deck."

"hey!" wonpil called, and you looked up behind you, to the choir balcony railing he was leaning over. "check it out, i found an organ!"

hyejin squealed, and you looked to her. "your guitars are in the van, right?"

jihoon laughed. "what am i supposed to do, find a chair to slap?"

"whatever keeps the beat," hyejin teased, rushing up the altar to grab his arm, and you exhaled, glad that her attention was off you. "you have the keys? help me grab them."

"should we really unload the van?" you asked. "what if we need to make a quick escape?"

mingyu looked at you. "weird feeling?"

"oh, shut up," hyejin rolled her eyes, tugging jihoon - the car key keeper - with her back to the entrance. "stop being a baby, we'll get the beers, too."

you watched after them, and jumped when the sound of the organ echoed through the cathedral. hyejin squealed again, giggling, telling jihoon to hurry up while he complained about the two non-guitar players having to go retrieve the guitars.

"i wonder how close that balcony is to falling," mingyu joked, and you looked at him with big eyes. he chuckled. "don't take it too seriously."

you nodded, standing and taking jihoon's place exploring the altar, eyes wandering across the plastered walls. "where's changyoon?"

"who knows," he said, shrugging. "him and wonpil decided they wanted to explore."

your eyes went back to the source of the haunting melody of the organ, and you wondered if your foster brother had joined wonpil, or if he was off in some other back room of the church. you squatted, looking through the debris on floor - there were offering trays, hymnal books, and you spotted a small silver cross half under a sheet of paper. you pushed the paper aside to inspect and felt a jolt of pain.

"ow!" you jumped, instinctively shoving your injured index finger in your mouth.

mingyu looked at you. "you good?"

"yeah," you muttered around the finger, standing and nudging the paper aside with your shoe, revealing green glass under it. you pulled your finger out of your mouth, watching the blood gather on your first knuckle again. "watch your step, there's broken bottles."

mingyu grabbed a larger piece of wood to push aside debris, making space for the others to join later, when someone suddenly jumped out from a doorway to the left of the altar.

"fuck, hyung!" mingyu threw the slab of wood in changyoon's direction, making him laugh and pick up his foot to dodge the splintering wood. "this place is already creepy, cut it out!"

changyoon grinned at you both. "come with me, i found something insane."

you looked at mingyu, who looked back at you, and you both abandoned your post at the altar to follow the self appointed manager of your band through the doorway he appeared from.

in all honestly, you wished you weren't as in tune with your surroundings as you were. it was unavoidable, the way certain places and situations made you feel on edge. you were generally a calm person, but those places and the feeling you got in them had a way of turning you into an anxious wreck. you were able to make it through the haunted house hyejin had dragged the band to the previous week without issue, letting mingyu hide behind you with his hands on your shoulders every time you had to enter a new room, but the back hallways of this church put a weird feeling in your stomach, and it was near impossible to ignore as you stepped over splintering wood.

when you were younger, changyoon had called you a scaredy cat for refusing to go under a bridge near where the two of you had grown up, where a dead body had been found a week later, strapped to cinder blocks in the river. you had believed his words for most of your life, despite the coincidence, but that didn't explain all the dreams you had that depicted natural disasters the night before they occured, or the vivid memories in your head that weren't yours. that hyejin would tell you to bet on which figurines she was going to pull from her blindboxes as a joke, only for you to be right every time. they called you lucky, but you were pretty sure it wasn't luck, especially with the way you would get pushed in the mud in primary school before changyoon had started defending you.

mingyu was the only one that ever believed you when you said something felt off, when you said that you felt like something bad was going to happen. your other bandmates usually rolled their eyes and backed down to appease you, to keep the peace. but mingyu would make eye contact with you, and he was always able to see that you were genuinely shaken, especially because it didn't happen often.

"i don't like this," you said, as soon as changyoon walked through another doorway, his phone flashlight shining in the darkness. "i don't like that room."

mingyu looked at the back of your head, then at changyoon, and the older just sighed and grabbed your hand. "hey, we're all going in together, okay? you'll be fine. c'mon."

you chewed your lip, looking past him into the room. "changyoon, there's something wrong in there."

"impressive, hex," he said, grinning. you had earned the nickname over the years for the express trait that you were displaying in this moment - your sense, and your luck, that your friends always equated to some kind of witchcraft. "aren't you curious why it feels wrong?"

you cursed under your breath, looking away from him. changyoon knew you the best out of anyone in your life - you grew up with him, and his family took you in when you had no one else, making him your closest friend by far. his sly question was the same thing that had gotten you to go under that bridge back in middle school, and he knew you were too easy to convince as soon as your curiosity was piqued.

"hey," mingyu interrupted. "we don't have to-"

"it's fine," you said, looking back at him. his brows creased at you. "i'll be fine. let's check it out."

he eyed you, and agreed as changyoon pulled you through the doorway by your hand, following behind.

"hey, hex," changyoon prompted, directing his light at the wardrobe stood against the wall. "what does that look like to you?"

you gulped. the tall wooden wardrobe looked old, but seemed to be perfectly maintained in the general wreckage that occupied the rest of the church, and you saw two yellow sheets plastered over the seam of the doors with red calligraphy.

you could feel mingyu fidgeting beside you. "aren't those talismans?"

"protective," you agreed, wondering what they were doing in a christian church, then looked at changyoon. "can we get out of here, now?"

"hey," he said, brows knitting when he looked between you both. "if it's sealed, then we're safe, right? unless one of us happens to break the seal…"

"not funny, hyung," mingyu said, eyes stern. "i don't like this either."

changyoon laughed. "you two are too superstitious. c'mon, don't you wanna see what's in it?"

while entering the room had felt wrong, and staying in it felt worse, you almost felt a siren song coming from the wardrobe, unable to pull your gaze from it. you wanted to shake yourself awake, fully aware of the importance of such symbols. someone had placed them there for a reason, and they probably had a better understanding of the beyond than you did, but something in your heart tugged you towards it. "kinda-"

"what?" mingyu looked at you. "you can't be serious."

when you looked back at him, you realized how stupid you were being. "we shouldn't," you agreed, but your eyes caught the talismans again. "but aren't you just a little curious?"

"rock paper scissors," changyoon said, holding out a fist in front of you. "winner opens it."

you looked at him, eyes wide. "winner?"

"not fair," mingyu said, running a hand up his arm, and you wondered if he had the same goosebumps you did. "you know they always win."

he shrugged. "maybe if they didn't cheat-"

"i don't cheat," you argued. "i just-"

"-know what we're gonna throw," changyoon finished for you, teasing. "then you should be able to lose, too, if you don't wanna open it so bad."

"i'm not playing," mingyu said, annoyed. "this is stupid. i'm gonna go find wonpil. you coming?"

you hadn't even realized that the organ had stopped playing when you looked at mingyu. you slowly raised a fist. "after this. you go ahead."

changyoon grinned victoriously when mingyu exhaled, recognizing your need to prove yourself right as he exited the room. "if you guys open that thing, you're idiots."

"play or you lose, rock paper-"

you looked at changyoon's grin, and instantly, you could see his hand with a thumb and finger out. as he yelled bo and threw out his play, you spread your fingers, despite the urge to keep them clenched. he was staring at your hand, and when you looked down, you saw his hand playing the exact way you had predicted.

"fuck."

"i guess you were right," you said, a smile slowly creeping across your lips. "i can lose when i want to."

"you cheated," he accused, muttering about how annoying the situation was, but straightened his spine and looked at the wardrobe. "whatever. deal's a deal."

"you're really gonna open it?" you asked, shocked. "changyoon, those talismans-"

he rolled his eyes, approaching the wooden wardrobe. "you know i don't believe in that stuff."

"and you know that i do," you said, slightly annoyed when you grabbed the back of his shirt. he looked back at you, and you swallowed, eyes going to the seals, and you felt goosebumps on your arms. "changyoon, i really d-don't think this is a good idea. i have a r-really bad feeling."

"relax, hex," he said, looking back at you when he noticed the return of your childhood stutter. you swallowed, and watched as he bent his neck until it popped, holding his flashlight towards the wardrobe and pulling a utility knife out of his pocket. "just stay behind me."

your fist tightened on his shirt, wanting desperately to stop him, but knowing there was nothing you could do when he set his mind on something. he had spent your entire shared youth doing whatever he wanted without heeding much warning from anyone, and all you could do was hope to some higher power that whatever was in that wardrobe wasn't as dangerous as the talismans suggested while he sliced the knife through the yellow sheets sealing the wardrobe.

the room felt suddenly colder than before, and changyoon paused, flipping the knife shut and depositing it back in his pocket as he swallowed. "am i imagining it, or-"

"hyung!"

you both spun, towards the door, when mingyu suddenly appeared with his own phone flashlight.

"wonpil fell, we should get out of here."

your stomach sank. your bad feelings were never wrong. "fell?"

changyoon immediately grabbed your arm, guiding you as he headed towards mingyu. "from where? is he okay?"

"he says he's fine," the guitarist explained, and you looked back at the broken seals upon the wardrobe as you were pulled out of the room. "the stairs down from the balcony broke under him. i think it's just a sprain, but he has a couple scratches and hyejin wants to get him to a hospital. we figured you could check him out."

"okay, yeah. good idea," changyoon said, letting go of you as you all entered the main cathedral again, turning off his phone flashlight. you stopped, looking down the hall towards the room you had just come from.

"you good, hex?"

you looked at mingyu, who had worry painted over his face, and you consciously adjusted your expression, smiling back. "yeah, i'm fine. we just didn't get to open the wardrobe."

he exhaled, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side as the two of you followed your manager down the aisle. "good, that shit creeped me out."

you peeked over his shoulder at the doorway. "me, too."

the rest of your band was out front, gathered around the passenger seat of the van.

"i'm fine," wonpil insisted, whining. "stop babying me."

"it's swollen, pil," hyejin said, pressing a beer against his ankle in place of an ice pack, and he hissed at the cold can.

jihoon spotted you, waving as you walked up. "where did you guys disappear off to?"

"exploring," changyoon said, squatting in front of wonpil, inspecting his ankle. with how reckless and rebellious he acted, you sometimes forgot he was studying medicine. "yeah, that's definitely a sprain. we should get you to a hospital so you can get wrapped up proper."

"told you," hyejin said, shutting the cooler of beers, and wonpil stuck his tongue out at her. "mingyu, can you stick this in the trunk?"

he nodded and exhaled, picking it up, and you followed him to the back of the van where the trunk was hanging open to scan over the contents.

"hey-" you peeked around to the group. "where's my bass?"

"shit," hyejin said, looking back at the church. "i must have left it by the altar, sorry. we were in a rush to get out."

you rolled your eyes, stopping yourself from saying i told you so, closing the trunk before heading back to the entrance of the church. "don't leave without me."

"you good to go alone?"

you looked at mingyu, then nodded shortly, giving him a small smile. "i'll be fine. be right back."

you pulled open the heavy doors, looking around as you headed back up the aisle to the altar. you spotted your guitar case just where hyejin had said she left it, picking it up with your right hand and feeling a sting. you adjusted it to your other hand, pulling your finger into your vision, and you cursed when you noticed the blood gathered on the digit, the cut opening back up, about to stick it in your mouth before someone grabbed your wrist.

you jolted, expecting mingyu or changyoon to have followed you back in despite not hearing them, but you froze when you were suddenly face to face with a man you had never seen before. skin pale as the moon and hair dark as night, his hand wrapped around your wrist colder than the beer on wonpil's ankle. but the most chilling feature were his eyes - one a pinkish red, the other glowing amber, and you almost felt hypnotized by his gaze. he wore a clean suit, shirt tucked neatly into his dark slacks but unbuttoned enough to reveal his equally pale collar bones.

he breathed in heavily, eyes shutting briefly, before they opened again, hooded as he stared you down. "i'll take that," he said, his voice smooth and low, and you could only watch as he slotted your bleeding finger between his lips. you felt every hair on your body stand on end, his eyes shutting again, and you tried to make your body move. run. anything.

"delicious," he muttered, making eye contact again, his lips parting into a smirk. "thanks for letting me out of that tiny closet, i was getting bored."

you watched him lick his teeth, noticing how particularly sharp his canines were, and suddenly snapped out of it, doing the only thing you could think of, swinging your guitar case and clocking him as firmly as you could in the side of the head before sprinting as fast as you could.

"ow!" the man said, grabbing the side of his head as you ran from him. "i bit my tongue!" he watched you fly out the front door, in no real rush to catch you when he knew he could track that sweet smell anywhere, but suddenly felt a weight around his neck. his hand went to it, confused.

"let's get out of here," you said urgently to mingyu, who had been looking at his phone and leaning against the van while he waited for you to return. you quickly climbed through the door, hugging your guitar case between your knees as you buckled in.

"where's the fire, hex?" changyoon asked, laughing as he looked at you through the rearview mirror.

"can we just go?" you said, looking out the door as it closed behind mingyu, watching the church doors.

mingyu's hand found yours when the van started moving. "you okay? you look like you've seen a ghost."

"i-" you paused, swallowing as you considered what you had seen, what you had felt. and while you were pretty sure of what it had been, you were unsure of how to explain it to your friends. maybe a ghost was an easier explanation, only second to calling him a pervert. "maybe."

"you serious?" wonpil asked, spine twisting in the front seat to look at you. "you saw a ghost?"

hyejin laughed behind you. "there goes hex again, always connected to the beyond."

"i don't know what i saw," you huffed, indignant. "but i'm never going back there again."

jeonghan approached the temple he knew well, not far from the church he had been trapped in, hands tucked into his slack pockets. his eyes scanned the courtyard, searching for the man that had locked him away. "shaman, you around?"

"how did you get out?"

jeonghan jumped, spinning, finding the traditionally dressed man behind him. "how do you sneak up on me if you're just human?"

minghao whacked jeonghan in the arm with his stick, eyebrows furrowed, and the vampire flinched, letting out an annoyed ow! "you were in timeout, who let you out?"

"i dunno, some kid!" jeonghan said, rubbing his arm. "these kids were messing around in the church, one of them cut the seals."

"some kid?" minghao frowned. "don't they know how important talismans are? you were being punished."

"punished for killing a chicken because i was hungry."

minghao stuck the stick in jeonghan's face, making him jolt back. "all life is precious."

the vampire swallowed thickly. "can you explain this?"

minghao squinted at what jeonghan pointed to - the black leather buckled around his neck, silver spikes protruding. "a dog collar?"

jeonghan huffed, annoyed that someone else had confirmed his suspicion on what it was. "it just appeared. why?"

minghao leaned in, tugging at it, and jeonghan gulped as the shaman studied it closely. "it has strong energy. when? how?"

"when those kids were there, one-" he swallowed again when minghao released the collar to walk around him, studying it from all angles. "one of them had a cut on their finger."

minghao stopped, directly behind him. "you drank human blood?"

"barely!" jeonghan whined, turning to the shaman. "i just licked off what was already on the finger. i was starving, and it smelled too sweet, i couldn't resist!"

he tutted, hand rubbing over his face. "i think you may have found a witch."

jeonghan's eyes lit up, mind swimming as he thought of the implication. "a witch?"

minghao nodded, walking toward the temple. "i did some research when you arrived here. when a vampire consumes the blood of a witch, a servant-master contract is made."

jeonghan followed. "i get a blood servant?"

minghao looked at him. "you're the one with the collar, what makes you think you're the master?"

after wonpil got wrapped up at a hospital, your friends ended up back at his and changyoon's place to finish out the night, but you couldn't shake your encounter at the church, the eerie feeling you had that you had met something not quite of your world. you had a hard time even believing yourself, but every detail of that man - pale, hypnotizing eyes, sharp teeth - it all seemed too directed towards one answer.

pervert, you decided. because every other option gave you a headache.

"i'm gonna head home," you announced, grabbing your bass and shoving it back into its case. you were too distracted to have fun, and being alone sounded like a better choice at this point.

"lame," hyejin said flatly, tossing her sock in your direction from where she was lounging on the couch, mingyu nodding in and out of sleep next to her. you laughed.

"careful out there," changyoon nagged from the kitchen, making up some drink. "who knows what kinda crazies are out there for halloween."

you gave him a weak smile, waving goodbye, but not saying that you were pretty sure you were one of the crazies people should be worried about.

as soon as you stepped out onto the streetlight lit night, you dug into the inner pocket of your denim jacket as you walked down the sidewalk. you leaned your instrument against the concrete planter that you used to stop by frequently, a decent enough distance from the entrance of the apartment building, extracting a cigarette from the carton and sticking the end in your mouth before flicking your lighter on.

you sat on the edge of the planter as you took a deep drag, eyes shutting as you exhaled, trying to process the day as you shoved the lighter back into your pocket now that you were finally alone. you looked down at your hand, at the index finger that kept bleeding, and realized that it hadn't since you left the church. you inspected it closer, sticking the cigarette between you lips to pull apart the skin with both thumbs, unable to find a hint of the injury.

"hey, sweet thing."

you looked up, gasping, and pulled the cigarette from your lips to choke out the smoke. "y-you-"

he grinned, showing his sharp teeth, and your voice caught in your throat. the man you had been caught thinking about all evening was standing before you, one hand resting on a roller suitcase and the other tucked into the pocket of his slacks, a leather jacket draped over his suit coat, and wearing sunglasses despite the sun being long gone. "those things'll kill you, y'know."

you looked at the cigarette between your fingers, then back at him. "isn't that the point?"

"oh, great, they're dramatic," he said, a chuckle falling out of his lips. "i've been looking for you, by the way. you couldn't have cut yourself again to be a little easier to track?"

"why?" you said, staring at him, unsure of why you felt more at ease now than you had when you first encountered him. before, his gaze sent chills up your spine, put a rock in the pit of your stomach, but now… you couldn't explain it, but his presence felt warmer, despite knowing his skin was cold to the touch. you had always been able to read people's auras - it's what made you keep your current friend group close, knowing that despite their teasing and playful jokes, they would always have your back. this man's aura had changed completely since you ran from him in the church, and that in itself grabbed your curiosity enough to hear him out.

"because," he started. you watched him pull the hand from his jacket pocket, a long finger pulling at the black leather collar around his neck. "that little drop of blood of yours formed a contract, and i plan on making sure you fulfill it."

your eyes stayed on the collar for too long before you blinked. "what?"

he appraised you gently. "you've guessed what i am, right?" you looked away, bringing the cigarette to your lips again to take a drag, and he took the avoidance as a confirmation before continuing. "i've been trying to become human for almost three hundred years, and you're my ticket."

"how?"

he sighed out a laugh. "are you capable of doing anything other than asking single word questions?"

you huffed, shoving your free hand into a pocket and adjusting on the concrete. "yeah, but you're not making any sense. you're trying to tell me you've been alive for three hundred years."

"i've been alive for four hundred," he corrected, head cocking at you with a tired expression. he looked away, brows furrowing. "not-alive. i dunno, it's complicated to explain."

"four hundred years," you scoffed. "and you need me for what?"

he sighed, abandoning his roller case to sit beside you on the planter as he took off his sunglasses, tucking them away in his jacket, and you stiffened at his presence. "witch blood is like poison to vampires," he said, and your fingers clenched in your pocket at the blunt verification of your outlandish theory. "it takes away their power, and the more they drink, the more human they become-" he looked at you, and you kept your eyes forward as you felt his gaze on your profile. "when even the smallest drop is drank," he said, eyes landing on your knuckle. "a contract is formed. in return for the witch's blood, the vampire must offer their life in service until the contract is broken, when the witch dies or the vampire becomes human."

"vampires aren't real," you said, staring at your hands, mind reeling. "there's no way. vampires?"

his hand found yours, goosebumps running up your arm at his cold touch. "do i feel real?"

"honestly?" you let out a smileless chuckle. "not really."

he rolled his eyes, pulling your hand up to his face, placing your palm on his cheek, and you couldn't keep your eyes from him any longer. he leaned into your palm, and you were forced to reckon with the fact that he was incredibly handsome, with round eyes and a perfectly sloped nose, and you tried not to stare at his pouty lips when he spoke again. "you're being rude."

you studied him, eyes frantic as you tried to accept this new truth. "are you gonna tell me goblins and werewolves are real, too?"

he sighed, dropping your hand from his face. "maybe, but i've never met any. what about you, sweet witch? ever seen a man howl at the moon?"

you blinked again. "i'm not a witch."

"oh, contraire, master," he grinned, nudging you, shoving his hands into his pockets. "i wouldn't have this collar if you weren't."

"but i'm not," you argued, turning to him. "i get… feelings sometimes, but i don't, like-" you waved your cigarette in the air like a wand, ashing it with a flick. "cast spells, or whatever."

his eyes went to your lips as you spoke, and you tried to ignore the way your stomach flipped, taking another drag to disguise it. "there's lots of different types of witches."

you blinked at him, about to ask him to elaborate when the apartment building door swung open behind him, and you hurriedly threw your cigarette on the ground to stomp it out when you spotted who was coming out of it, waving away the smoke as you blew it out in the opposite direction. mingyu appeared in the night, sniffing at the air and looking around, immediately spotting the roller case, then you, and his eyebrow creased when he saw the man sitting by your side.

"hex?" he asked, long legs allowing him to approach quickly. "who's this?"

your eyes flicked to the vampire sat beside you, and you cleared your throat to stall. "uh-"

"jeonghan," he said, smiling up at the tall guitarist, and you stared at him. jeonghan. "and you?"

mingyu's expression was stern. "i'm their friend." he shifted his attention to you. "you want me to walk you home?"

your lips pursed before looking back at mingyu, and you gave him a close mouthed smile. the same one you always gave him when you wanted to avoid talking. "i'm okay. i left so i could chat with him for a bit."

he nodded slowly, then looked jeonghan up and down. his eyes went back to you. "call me if you need anything."

you gave him a small wave. "g'night, mingyu."

you watched mingyu stalk off, glancing back at the two of you once, and you exhaled when he was out of earshot.

"you're not a witch, but your friends call you hex?"

you planted your palms over your eyes. "it's a nickname."

"and?" jeonghan asked, smirk on his lips when you slowly revealed your eyes to look at him. "how'd you get the nickname?"

you swallowed. you usually hated explaining this to people, hated the way they looked at you like you were crazy, but considering he was claiming to be a monster of the night and that you were his witchy master, you figured there were few people that would understand better than him. "i get these feelings sometimes," you said, sighing. "like, vibes? i guess."

"vibes," jeonghan repeated, a short laugh escaping him. "kids talk so funny these days."

your eyes found his again, remembering that he had said he'd been trying to become human for hundreds of years. "premonitions," you clarified. "i can predict things easily, and i can tell when bad things are going to happen. i see things in my dreams, even."

he nodded. "is that why you always win rock paper scissors?"

you flinched, brows scrunching at him. "you heard that?"

"i mean, i was in the room," he said, pulling his hands out of his pockets. "sounds to me like you would be burned at the stake if you were from my era."

you considered that, staring down at your hands, wishing your cigarette wasn't under the sole of your boot as you remembered how you had been treated in primary school for being different. "i got burned at the stake in this era, too."

jeonghan ran his tongue over his teeth, inspecting your profile. then, he reached across you, and you were too caught off guard to say anything as he pulled the lapel of your denim jacket forward, reaching into your inner pocket. he put a cigarette between his lips as you watched, shoving the carton into his own coat before lighting it. he exhaled the smoke, away from you, then held it out for you. "three puffs, then you put it out. you're no good to me dead."

you took it, staring at him. "thanks."

he coughed shortly, sniffing and shoving his hands back into his pockets, looking away as you took a long drag. "your friends don't know you smoke?"

you watched the cherry burn as you sucked, exhaling harshly and tapping the ash away. "they think i quit a while back, but…" you thought a second, not wanting to fully get into your personal trauma with someone you met minutes before. "i've been trying, but it's been a hard month. i thought he was gonna stay longer, or else i would have waited til i got home."

"well, he definitely smelled it," jeonghan said, and you let out a short laugh. he looked at you, smiling at your giggle. "he probably thought it was me."

you looked down the street to where mingyu had walked off. "probably."

"well, master," he nudged you again. "i'll hang on to the pack. let me know when you really need one, we can pretend i'm the one with the disgusting habit."

you sucked on your cheek, inspecting his two toned eyes. "you are the one with a disgusting habit."

"what, the blood thing?" he asked, the smile on his lips being replaced by a pout, kicking out a foot and looking away from you. "it's not that disgusting."

you let out another short laugh, and he peeked back at you to watch the way your eyes curved. "you sucked my finger before you even knew my name."

his gaze ran over your face. "and what is it?"

"you said it was small!"

jeonghan had practically tripped out of his shoes to look around your loft after politely asking if he could come in, and you laughed as you pulled off your coat, pushing his roller case aside in your entry. "it is small!"

he looked back at you, eyes wide. "i've been sleeping in closets for the last fifty years."

you pursed your lips, stifling another laugh as he curiously inspected your bookshelf. you brought your guitar case into the living area, leaning it against the wall next to its stand to be dealt with later. "you were stuck in there for fifty years?"

"oh, no," jeonghan said, eyes still scanning your shelves. "i was in there for three weeks. but there's not many places someone like me can hide out during the day."

you sat down on your couch, exhaling as you watched him move on to your kitchen, touching most of the contents on the counter before leaning over to squint at the pictures on your fridge. "who sealed you in that wardrobe?"

"some stupid shaman," jeonghan muttered, glancing over to you before pulling a photostrip off the fridge. "he's been feeding me mugwort and garlic for a year. one evening with you and i'm closer to becoming human than i ever was with him. who are these people?"

you squinted, recognizing the colors of the familiar strip when he displayed it for you despite the distance. "changyoon is my foster brother, hyejin is our friend from high school. they're both in mine and mingyu's band."

"ah," jeonghan nodded slowly, wanting to ask about your foster brother, but knowing it wasn't the right time as he replaced the strip under its magnet on the fridge. "you're in a band."

"did you think i carried around a bass guitar for fun?"

he shrugged, opening cabinets to peek at the contents. "you smoke cigarettes to die and you brought a vampire slave to your apartment, so i can't be sure of any of your choices."

you sighed, unable to argue, and pulled your phone out of your pocket to check your notifications.

minnie gyugyu: did you get home okay? minnie gyugyu: who was that guy?? his eyes gave me the creeps ;; were they contacts? minnie gyugyu: where did you even meet him?

"tell him we met on bumble."

you jumped out of your skin, yelping and falling back on the couch with your limbs sprawled when you found jeonghan leaning over you, both his leather jacket and suit coat removed. "jesus christ, announce yourself!"

he stood straight, wincing and putting up his hands. "i'd appreciate it if you didn't mention him."

you stared at him, then laughed out loud when you realized what you had said, sitting up again. "don't sneak up on me!"

"i can't help it," he whined, plopping down on the couch next to you, one foot tucked under him to face you. "i have light footfall. like a cat, or something."

you eyed his pout. "you act more like a dog."

his hand when to his throat, slipping a finger into his collar. "that explains this."

you blinked at him for a moment. "how do you know what bumble is?"

he almost laughed. "i'm dead, not unaware."

"why would i tell him we met on a dating app?" you asked, leaning back on your sofa.

his lips pouted out again, crossing his arms as his eyes went across your high ceilings. "is that not the easiest explanation? a strange man suddenly enters your life and pledges to do everything you ask." he looked at you. "sounds like dating."

"wow," you breathed out. "you're four hundred years old, and you're trying to date someone in their twenties? for shame."

he laughed at that, and you caught yourself smiling at the way his fangs showed. "three hundred and ninety nine, actually," he corrected. "freshly, it was my birthday this month. and admit it, i look good for my age."

you paused. "how old were you?"

his eyes found yours, and he adjusted his posture at the question. "about as old as you are now."

"how did it happen?" you asked, studying him.

jeonghan sighed, letting his head roll back against the sofa, slyly scooting closer to you. "do we have to do this now? i'm starving."

you eyed him. "are you asking to bite me right now?"

"just a nibble," he begged, curling his legs up on the couch, grabbing your hand. "you smell so delicious, just a tiny-"

you yanked your hand from him. "are you serious? i met you today, how do i know you won't just drain me right now?"

he looked hurt, but you knew better than to fall for it. "i don't kill people. it's not my style."

"you're a vampire," you pointed out.

"you're stereotyping!" he argued, eyes big. "besides, i'm trying to become human. that's the whole point of the blood contract."

you studied him. "do you know how much you need?"

his eyes wandered. "i'm not sure, actually. someone once told me it would take a full one to kill a vampire."

"a full person's worth of blood?" you asked, shocked.

"a full witch's worth of blood."

you swallowed, still having a hard time believing that you could be such a thing. "who told you that?"

he looked at you, and you could tell he was hesitating to answer, even though he spoke with conviction. "the shaman."

you squinted. "you're lying."

"who cares who said it to me," he sighed, collapsing into the cushions. he pouted, eyes shut as he whined. "i can't believe i have to sit next to the tastiest meal i'll ever get and i'm not even allowed to have one bite."

you studied his pouting face, keeping your smile at bay. "tastiest, huh?"

he let one eye peek open, a sliver of amber watching you. "don't get a big head."

"you said it, not me." you adjusted, settling with a shoulder against the back of your couch, sitting sideways to face him. "is... witch blood that special?"

both eyes were open now, and jeonghan stared at you intently. "you have no idea."

you paused. "enlighten me."

you almost flinched when his hand reached out, fingers tangling gently with yours as he pulled it close to his face. he was inspecting the finger you had cut - the finger that had formed your contract - absentmindedly as he spoke. "i haven't been tempted by human blood in three hundred years."

you could feel your heart thumping in your chest, and you pushed down the feeling as he continued pulling your hand closer with both of his. you swallowed harshly. "what about before then?"

his eyes met yours as your palm made contact with his lips. "i don't think you're ready for that."

heat rose up your neck as he inhaled deeply. "jeonghan-"

"i'm sorry," he chuckled, and placed a kiss upon your palm before he pulled you towards him. "you smell so sweet, it's enough to make me go insane."

"i-" your eyes were wide, but you only cowered when he leaned into you. his eyes were different now. darker, and his piercing gaze made you feel small. you suddenly realized you were the prey here - even if he claimed you were his master, he was the powerful beast - strong, silent, fast - and you were but a lamb brought to slaughter.

he was only inches from you at this point, and his eyes flicked down to your mouth. "if you keep biting your lip like that, it'll bleed. and then i really won't be able to help myself."

you gasped, planting your hand over your mouth and furiously running your tongue over your bottom lip, making sure you hadn't broken skin, even if he made it very clear that you would know if you had. he smirked at you, leaning back.

"i'll stop," he said finally, stretching his back and exhaling heavily. "before that poor little heart of yours explodes."

you scoffed, indignant, avoiding his eyes as you crossed your arms and planted your back on the couch, sitting as far from him as you could. did he hear your heartbeat? had he always been able to? you cursed internally. "you're mean."

"guilty as charged," he grinned, watching you kick your feet around with a scowl on your face. "you're obviously not ready. i can wait."

you rolled your eyes, standing from the couch, feeling his eyes follow you, and you hoped he couldn't tell how hot your face felt. "i'm going to the store."

"what are you getting?" he asked.

you exhaled, gathering yourself. "pork blood. or is oxblood better?"

he jumped up, his expression completely changed. "both, please!" his hands were in fists by his face, excited, before he reached out for your hand again. "you're the best master ever."

you couldn't help but smile as you rolled your eyes again, pulling away from him. he was annoying, you thought, and he teased you too easily, but he was still cute sometimes. "you wanna come? i might be a bit, i need to get some other groceries, too."

"okay!" he chirped, rushing over to the door to pull his shoes back onto his feet, and you couldn't help but imagine him with a wagging tail, excited to go on a walk. a giggle escaped you, and he looked at you as he pushed his roller case further into the apartment to get it out of the way. "why are you laughing?"

you shook your head, grabbing your jacket again as you approached the entry to slip your own shoes on. "your mood switched so fast."

"trust me, i still want the gourmet meal," he said, and you stopped in your tracks, looking at him. the entry to your apartment was small, only leaving half a foot between the two of you as he gave you a sideways smile. "but instant ramyeon is good sometimes, too, right?"

you chewed on your cheek, trying to control your heart beat with a subtly deep breath. "give me until february."

his eyebrow quirked. "february? why so long?"

"that's when i graduate university," you said, shoving your feet into your shoes. "i need blood in my brain to pass finals, and we're playing a bunch of gigs all through winter break, but you can have some after my graduation ceremony. only a little at a time, though," you said, pointing a finger in his face. "i'm already anemic, i don't need you making me sickly."

"you're in school?" jeonghan asked, and you giggled at his shocked expression. "why didn't you say so sooner?"

"you didn't ask," you said matter of factly, opening your door. "i also have a job."

he followed you out the door, brows furrowed. "i thought you were in a band?"

"so?" you asked, making sure it locked before heading to the elevator. "i have to make money to live. i can't just bum off a shaman in the woods like some people."

jeonghan scowled at you. "not by choice," he said, crossing his arms and pouting. "so i have to be your slave with no reward until february? how humiliating."

"i didn't ask you to suck my finger," you pointed out. "it's not my fault you have bad timing."

he sighed dramatically, seemingly ignoring your accusation. "you'll be gone all day and asleep all night. how am i supposed to occupy myself?"

you stifled a laugh. "i'm sure you'll think of something."

"why haven't you come out sooner?" hyejin whined, her brows furrowed at you. "we haven't seen you since halloween."

it had been a while, you thought, at least longer than usual. ten days, maybe? you usually went out to eat with your friends at least twice a week, and you had even shown up late tonight, apologizing profusely, but it was impossible to think of an excuse that wasn't i have a vampire at home that's as needy as a puppy. "work. and school."

changyoon laughed as he grabbed another spoonful of cup noodle fried rice from the center of the table. "don't believe that for a second. did you get yourself a boyfriend?"

"hyung," mingyu warned, the back of his hand hitting the older.

you pushed your lips to one side, grabbing some of the fries that had been ordered before you arrived and shoving them in your mouth, only for hyejin to gasp.

"you did, didn't you?" she asked, grabbing your arm. "is he handsome?"

"i-" you swallowed, looking at her, then at the two boys across from you. mingyu's eyes were wide, and changyoon had a smile sneaking onto his face. "i don't-"

"holy shit," changyoon said, leaning back. "i was just teasing, but hex actually found a man."

mingyu's brows creased at you, and you cursed internally. "is it that guy?"

"what guy?" hyejin immediately asked, looking at him. she looked back at you. "there's a guy?"

"it's not-" you nearly choked, reaching for the jug of water in the center of the table to pour yourself some. "it's really not like that."

"c'mon, hex," changyoon prodded. "aren't we your friends?"

you swallowed down the water, trying to breathe. you looked around the table, and everyone was staring at you with mixed expressions. "it's just... really new."

hyejin smacked your arm. "and you didn't tell me?"

"us," changyoon corrected.

she rolled her eyes. "us, whatever."

"is it that guy?" mingyu repeated. you looked at him, and you thought he almost looked hurt.

you looked down, fiddling with a paper napkin on the table, thinking about how jeonghan had said that dating was probably the easiest explanation. "yeah, it's that guy," you said finally, voice small.

"what guy?" changyoon asked, and hyejin immediately asked mingyu if he was handsome.

"on halloween, hex was outside with some guy when i was leaving your place." mingyu leaned back in his seat, his spoon clattering on his plate when he abandoned it in favor of his beer.

"that's why you left," hyejin said, using her chopsticks to pick out fries. "where'd he take you on the first date?"

you pursed your lips. "we mostly just hang out at my place."

mingyu choked on his beer, nearly spitting it across the table as changyoon laughed at him, and hyejin whacked your arm. "you fox! i can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"not like that!" you wailed, indignant. "god, you guys are so annoying. this is why i didn't want to say anything."

"how can it not be like that?" changyoon asked, rubbing mingyu's shoulder as he recovered. "you say it's new, but you hang out at home? what else are we supposed to assume?"

you huffed, crossing your arms, looking away from them. "assume whatever you want," you pouted. "but we mostly just talk."

"what about?" hyejin asked.

you looked at her, knowing you couldn't say that you mostly talked about the last three hundred years of his life, but you tried to play off the hesitation as being offended rather than floundering for a way to not outright lie. "he asks a lot about the band. and school, because he never went to uni," you started, clearing your throat lightly. "he traveled, instead. he tells me about europe, sometimes."

"he's been to europe?" she asked. "is he foreign?"

"nah," mingyu said finally. you looked at him, and he avoided your eyes. "he's korean. jeonghan."

you blinked at him, remembering that jeonghan had given his name on halloween. you looked down. "yeah, he's korean."

"and why didn't you say anything?" changyoon asked, shoving mingyu's shoulder. "you saw them and didn't mention it once?"

"hex said it was nothing," he said, clearing his throat and looking around the restaurant. "i believed them."

that stuck with you for most of the meal, even though the other two moved on fairly quickly. and while mingyu went on to act normal for the rest of the night, he avoided looking at you, and you struggled to focus on anything else. hyejin was telling a story, something ridiculous that happened at her work, and she gesticulated too widely, knocking an empty bottle off the table.

she gasped when it shattered between the two of you, and you jumped in your seat. "shit, sorry!"

a staff member came over to clean it up right away, and when you stood to get out of the way, you noticed a thin, red string coming from your pant leg. your eyes followed it across the restaurant, where it seemingly went through the wall. your eyebrows creased, leaning over and pulling up the leg of your loose pants to inspect the source, and hyejin whined.

"oh, gosh, hex, you're bleeding! i'm so sorry."

she was right. there was a small cut on the side of your calf from the broken glass, where your pants lifted whenever you sat, and the string came directly from it. you looked up at her, her eyes focused on your leg, and you concluded that you must be the only one that could see it. "it's fine, it's barely anything," you said, and you noticed the string was moving across the wall.

"lemme see," changyoon said, leaning out of the wall booth. you rolled your eyes, but displayed your leg for him nonetheless, and he wet a napkin to wipe it clean, the string going through his hand as he did. "you'll live. should we call your boyfriend?"

"you have a boyfriend?"

your foot landed on the floor as you spun, shoulders raised. "jeonghan?"

and there he was, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket that he wore over a shirt and black jeans, and you saw the little red string tied to his collar. he had his sunglasses on again, but you could still see his round, two-toned eyes through them as he pouted at you. "when were you gonna tell me?"

hyejin laughed out loud, hands covering her face. "oh my gosh, he is handsome."

"what are you doing here?" you asked, hushed, pushing on his chest, and he grinned as he let you move him backwards, away from the table.

"got the feeling my master was hurt," he teased, winking at you as he tugged the string in his collar, and you stared at it for a moment before looking down at where it connected to your leg. "you okay?"

"i'm fine," you sighed. pulling your hands from his chest. "you can go home."

"but you're still bleeding," he said, hand grabbing your arm to keep you close, and you saw his eyes deepen before he leaned into you. he practically purred against your ear when he said "i could take care of you 'round back-"

your face burned, and you pushed him away, mortified at the way hyejin practically choked as changyoon held in his laughter. jeonghan's smile faltered for a second, doing his best to ignore your smell, the way your heart thumped, trying not to slip in front of your friends. "no, thank you! go home!"

"aw, he came all this way!" changyoon said, grabbing his beer. "you're sending him home?"

"yeah!" hyejin grinned up at you two. "why don't you join us, jeonghan! i'd love to hear about europe!"

he quirked a brow at you. "you told them i went to france?"

"i-" you swallowed. "they asked what we talk about."

"here," changyoon said, standing. "i'll take your chair, love birds can sit in the booth."

"love birds," jeonghan repeated, smirking at you as changyoon sat in your chair, swapping your utensils and glasses. "well, go ahead, sweet thing. take a seat."

you ducked your head and slid into the booth next to mingyu, who stiffened when jeonghan joined you, casually throwing an arm over your shoulder. you gave quick introductions, to which jeonghan said i know, i've seen all their pictures, which made hyejin giggle and changyoon eye you curiously. you exhaled, hands on your knees, as hyejin immediately launched into her expected interrogation.

"so, how old are you?"

"almost four hundred," jeonghan replied quickly, and you gave him a look as changyoon laughed.

"wow, hex. older men?"

"ha ha," you joked, grabbing jeonghan's knee, trying to think of a believable and acceptable age. "he's kidding. twenty-seven. can we get more soju?"

"no way," hyejin said, grinning. "born in '95?"

jeonghan blinked at her. "sure?"

"same age!" she said, holding up a hand for a high five, which jeonghan hesitantly gave her as changyoon flagged down a waiter for the soju you requested. "how did you end up going to france?"

"uh," jeonghan rubbed his chin, glancing at you. he had told you a lot about his time out of the country, but never explained how he ended up there. "kind of a long story. this foreigner sponsored me, i guess. hoping i would follow in his footsteps."

"like an apprenticeship?" she asked, fascinated. "what kind of work?"

"not really supposed to talk about it," he said, giving an apologetic smile. "sworn to secrecy. i worked for him for a while, but i didn't agree with the ethics, so i came back home."

you studied him, wondering how much of the truth was laced in his answer, and changyoon whistled.

"must have been bad if you gave up europe for it," he said.

"it…" jeonghan's eyes went across the ceiling before settling on you. he adjusted in his seat. "it was pretty bad. sometimes i wish i had never gone in the first place."

"but it was worth it, right?" hyejin asked. "i mean, you did things other than work?"

"yeah," he shrugged. "i learned french."

you looked at him. "you can speak french?"

he eyed you, a soft smile on his lips. "yeah. te rencontrer était un autre avantage."

you chewed your cheek. "what does that mean?"

"getting to meet you was also a bonus."

your eyes widened and you looked down, flustered, and hyejin squealed about how romantic it all was. mingyu scoffed beside you, leaning over his plate. you chewed your cheek. "you didn't meet me in europe."

"yeah, but i wouldn't have come to seoul if i hadn't gone there first," he said, swirling your water cup with a gentle grip of his fingers. "i would still be in my little farm town," he mused, not mentioning that he would also be long dead.

"okay, i gotta ask," changyoon said, leaning forward. "don't take this the wrong way. what's up with your eyes?"

"changyoon," you hissed, and jeonghan just put up a hand to tell you it was fine.

"i don't mind," he said, smiling at your foster brother. "my mom was albino, i got my eyes from her."

"wow," changyoon leaned back again. "albinism is pretty rare. to what extent?"

jeonghan snapped his fingers, pointing at him. "that's right, you're studying to be a doctor," he said, and changyoon gave you an impressed look as jeonghan thought for a moment. "well, she was pale, and her hair was blonde, red eyes - like me. beautiful, though. she was treated poorly because of her condition, but she's always been one of the prettiest people i've ever seen."

you studied jeonghan's profile, thinking about how he must have not just gotten his eyes from her. no one asked or clarified, for which you were grateful, but you could tell by the expressions across the table that they understood why he spoke about her in past tense, and you realized the table had fallen into silence.

"no wonder you're so good-looking," you said finally, trying to lighten the mood, grabbing your chopsticks to pick at the remaining fries. you didn't look back at him, but you could feel jeonghan smiling at you.

"you think so?" he asked teasingly, arm squeezing over your shoulder. "you always call me a dog, i figured you thought i was ugly."

changyoon laughed as you rolled your eyes. you knew he was baiting you, but you felt the need to indulge him. "you're pretty," you said succinctly, going back to eating fries as jeonghan grinned at you.

"what about work?" hyejin asked. "what do you do?"

"i'm…" jeonghan scratched the back of his head. "i'm actually in between jobs right now."

you nearly choked on your fries. you knew jeonghan hadn't worked a proper job a single day in his damned eternal life, and even though you couldn't say that to your friends, the suggestion that he had just been in between jobs made you laugh.

"stop," he whined, pulling his arm from your shoulder to push you gently. "i'm already embarrassed."

"there's no shame in that!" hyejin said, trying to defend him. "it took me ages to find my current job."

you gathered yourself, inhaling and exhaling slowly. "sorry," you said, wiping your eyes. "i wasn't expecting you to answer honestly."

he crossed his arms, pouting. "i've been honest so far, why wouldn't i be now?"

you giggled, patting his leg. your eyes flicked to the string at his collar again, unable to help the smile on your face. "sorry, jeonghan. forgive me?"

he glared at you, then exhaled, looking away. "i thought you were just stuck with me, but i guess i'm stuck with you, too."

changyoon ended up calling a cab for hyejin so she wouldn't have to take the subway slightly tipsy and alone, and after the four of you waved her off on the street, he looked at you. "band practice day after tomorrow?"

you nodded, smiling. "already have it in my schedule."

"good, i had to play bass for you last week."

you groaned, remembering how annoying changyoon acted when he had to fill in for any of you. you poked at mingyu. "sorry. i won't miss another."

he barely looked up from his phone, giving you a weak smile. "s'fine."

changyoon exhaled, throwing his arm over his shoulder "ready, big guy?"

he nodded, eyes glued to his phone. "yeah, let's go."

jeonghan ran his tongue over his teeth, studying mingyu for a moment before he put up a hand. "nice to meet you guys."

"you, too," changyoon said as they turned. "come hang out more, if you're serious about hex."

jeonghan looked at you as you waved. you peeked at him, then exhaled before spinning on your heels, heading back in the direction of your apartment. "i can't believe you came out."

"you were bleeding," he reminded you, falling into step beside you with his hands in his pockets. "you're my master, i'm supposed to protect you from danger."

"i wasn't in danger," you pouted. "it was just a soju bottle."

"but what if it had been worse," he pointed out, and you sighed when he stuck out his elbow, giving you room to link your arm with his. you had enough drinks to accept the offer, and your cheek landed on his shoulder for a moment as the two of you walked. "no matter what, if you get hurt, i'll come running."

you smiled lightly, pulling him down an offshoot in the pavement to walk through a park instead of on the commercial street. "just because you want a taste."

"okay, maybe," he said, and you laughed. he smiled along with you. "but against my better judgment, i'm also starting to really care about you."

you considered that a moment, thinking about how he had mentioned things tonight that he hadn't yet in your lengthy conversations about his long life. how he had never told you about his mother, even when you had told him about yours. how your parents had been taken from you too young, even if you hadn't revealed details, and how changyoon's family had fostered you until you came of age. "i care about you, too, y'know." you looked over to him. "you don't have to now, but i hope you'll be able to share more of your burden with me in the future."

he studied you in the moonlight when you looked forward, then let out a light chuckle. "you're a sixteenth my age, how did you learn to be so kind?"

you sighed. "when you spend most of your life feeling alone," you said, voice small, squeezing his arm gently. "i suppose you can tell when others feel that way, too."

jeonghan looked down at his feet, and you both allowed the silence, taking in the mixed sounds of city and nature as you wandered the park path that served as a shortcut to your apartment building.

"can i have a smoke?"

he looked at you, fishing in his pocket. "do i stress you out?"

"yes," you giggled, taking a cigarette from the pack as he held it open for you. "nah, drinking always makes me wanna smoke. old habits, i guess."

you held your hand out for the lighter after putting the cigarette between your lips, but jeonghan flicked it himself, cupping his hand next to your face to keep the wind from blowing out the flame as he lit it for you. you looked at his face as you puffed, then down at the tip to make sure it lit fully before pulling it from your lips, blowing the smoke away.

"thank you," you said, bringing it to your lips again to pull a real drag, exhaling happily as he shoved the lighter back in his pocket. you made a face down at the cigarette. "these don't taste as good as i remember."

"that's a good sign," jeonghan said, nudging you with his elbow, and you gave him a suspicious look. he laughed. "you're getting used to not smoking them."

you thought about that. you had asked him for one since halloween, when you had come home late from work and needed to rant about a shitty customer, and he sat dutifully beside you outside your apartment as you sucked it down, practically in tears over how frustrated you were. tonight, though, it was just habitual - the many times you had stepped out of bars into cool nights to have a smoke gave you a pavlovian response of some sorts, leaving you to succumb to your oral fixation whenever you were tipsy in the cold. you looked at jeonghan again, thinking about how many times you had tried to quit smoking in the months prior to his appearance in your life, but this felt the most promising, and it had only been ten days. you hooked your arm in his again, looking out to the night.

"hey," you prompted suddenly, blowing smoke away. "why can't you go in the sun?"

he eyed you. "it hurts," he said. "like a sunburn, but worse and more immediate."

you squinted. "are you sure it's not because you sparkle?"

"oh-kay," he said, dropping your arm from his as you giggled, trying to keep your hold on him. "you did not just compare me to that shitty book."

"so you've read it," you accused, and he looked at you, annoyed.

"absolutely not. why would i read sensationalist teen fiction fetishizing my kind written by a white woman?"

you laughed even harder at that, and jeonghan caught himself smiling at the way you had to cling to him to stay upright, your cigarette barely staying between your fingers as you lost motor control.

"there's only three vampires of color in that book, by the way," he continued, and while he sounded annoyed, you could tell he enjoyed having someone to complain to about it, and he especially liked your reaction. "one of them is evil. that's pretty fucked up."

"you're right," you agreed, eyebrows knit as you looked at him, clutching his arm. you took a quick puff. "that is fucked up. where's the asian vampire heartthrob representation? screw edward cullen, i wanna see chwe eunwool."

he laughed with you that time, and you almost started to feel lightheaded with laughter, though the nicotine and alcohol in your system surely didn't help. jeonghan noticed, not because you showed it outwardly, but because your blood was pumping harder than before, and he let his gaze run to the red string coming from your leg. the scent of your blood had been difficult to ignore at the restaurant, but it had stopped bleeding by now. even so, he stared at it for a long moment, remembering that first taste he had gotten of your sweet blood, and he had to swallow before he spoke. "i should take care of that."

you looked to him, then followed his gaze down. you sighed. "you can't wait til we get home?"

"i've waited this long," he teased, grinning at you, and you just rolled your eyes. "no one's around."

you looked around in the dark. "how do you know?"

"i can hear," he said, as though it were obvious. "there's a bench, if you wanna take a seat."

you pouted at him a moment, then unhooked your arm to march over to the bench, taking one last drag, and he laughed as he followed. you put out your cigarette in the sand pit on the trash bin by the bench and plopped down onto the wood, head spinning slightly at the sudden altitude change, and jeonghan put a cold hand on your forehead. you sighed.

"feel good?" he asked, and you just nodded. "you're warm."

"i may hold it well," you said, dragging his hand down to your hot cheek to look up at him. "but i drank a lot."

he smiled at you fondly, his thumb stroking over your cheekbone. "you are holding it very well."

you sucked on your teeth. "if you drank my blood right now, would you get drunk, too?"

jeonghan laughed, kneeling in front of you. "maybe. shall i check?"

"i thought you were just gonna help it heal," you said, pouting.

he exhaled a chuckle. "i'm just teasing. i said i'd wait until you graduate, i'll keep my word." he placed a gentle kiss on your knee, and even through your loose pants, you could feel the cold touch of his lips.

"you could have a little," you offered quietly, and he looked up at you as he pulled the leg of your pants up, studying your expression.

"wow, you must have drank a lot."

you huffed, looking away. "nevermind, then."

he chuckled, the exhale of his breath sending chills up your body when it landed on your calf as he brought it up to his lips. sometimes, you were able to forget that he stuck around because he needed your blood - wanted it, too, it seemed. sometimes it felt like he actually spent time with you just for your company, but you winced when you felt his tongue run against the cut, and you were reminded again that there was a contract that kept him tethered to you, even when the string between the two of you faded as your small injury sealed itself with his kiss.

he hummed, looking up to you slowly. "having a taste out in the open like this," he said, licking his bottom lip. "you're even more delicious than before."

you jolted, your foot landing on the ground as you sat up straight, heat rushing to your face. "my first impression of you was right," you huffed, crossing your arms and looking away. "you are a pervert."

he couldn't help the laugh that exploded out of him, and his eyes looked dreamy as he inspected your face. "and now your blood is rushing to the surface," he said, moving to sit beside you on the bench and pulling you toward him. you faltered, suddenly face to face, his cold fingers curled around your jaw. his eyes closed and his forehead landed on yours as he controlled his breathing. "you're lucky i have great self control."

your heart pounded in your chest, and you wondered if that was adding to his struggle. you silently thought that with all he put you through, he deserved the difficulty he caused himself. "you're the one that makes it beat like that."

his eyes opened, and you looked at him sheepishly, your eyes landing on his lips. he winced, pulling away suddenly, and you blinked yourself out of your trance. "we should get home," he said, and you hid your disappointment as well as you could as he pulled you to your feet, wondering if he was only ever tempted by you for your blood. if it was okay for you to feel this way about a man like him, who only needed you for what ran through your veins.

jeonghan said nothing, but without the distraction of your sweet scent, he noticed a new smell, not too far off - the familiar stench of blood being spilt in excess, and he put an arm around your shoulders the entire way back to your apartment, senses on high alert.

you were in a cold, dark room, curled up on the stone floor. your body ached, and your wrists felt heavy. you looked around, seeing bandages across them, and while they weren't bloodsoaked, you could feel the injury they covered, and you wondered if you had done that to yourself, or if someone else had tried to kill you. your skin felt tight against bone - dehydrated, you were pretty sure. a door suddenly opened, and you winced at the candle light, shielding your eyes from the tall man that entered. he was a foreigner and notably well off, you could tell, with long blonde hair tied back neatly. or perhaps you were the foreigner in this dream?

"have you changed your mind yet?"

you choked, unable to answer. your throat was dry, parched, and your stomach hurt in a way you had never experienced. how long had you been starving before this point?

the man tossed a loaf of bread your way, and though you wanted to reach for it, your body didn't move. you looked down, hiding your eyes from his gaze, and realized your body wasn't your own, nor were your actions. was this someone else's memory? it must have been, you thought, and you willed yourself to keep your eyes from him, but he reached down and grabbed you by your jaw.

"don't ignore me, darling," he hissed, and you saw that his eyes glowed amber, a color you had only seen on jeonghan. "you can't ignore your fate."

"just let me die," you choked out, and your heart sank when you recognized the voice. tears welled in your eyes when his grip grew firmer.

"admit it," the man spat. "you don't want to die. you just want to kill them, like they killed her." his sharp teeth shone behind curled lips. "i can help you."

you jolted awake, gasping for air, and your hand immediately went to your throat, expecting the cold touch that had been there only moments before. there was a weight on you, and you sat up, finding that jeonghan had curled himself around you in your sleep. he mumbled and stirred with your movement.

you stared at him. "i thought you slept standing."

he stretched. "nights are too long in the winter, i wanted a nap and you always smell so goo-" he interrupted himself with a yawn and smacked his lips twice, then furrowed his brows when he focused on your face. he sat up immediately. "what's wrong? nightmare?"

you didn't realize you were crying until his hand went to your face, his cold thumbs wiping away the tears. he had been with you for nearly a month now, hiding away in your apartment while you went about your daily life, and it would be a flat out lie if you said coming home to him wasn't the best part of your day. but with his increased presence in your life, it was no wonder you had tapped into his past. you swallowed. "i think it was a memory."

"a memory?" he asked, studying your eyes. "yours?"

you shook your head, and he must have realized what that meant. his shoulder slumped slightly, and you grabbed his hand from your cheek. "it was in a cell. who-" you paused, swallowing. you had so many questions. "he said he could h-help you kill..."

jeonghan turned from you completely, hand dropping to your lap, eyes scanning across your duvet. "is this what you meant when you said you saw things in your dreams?"

"i'm sorry," you choked, and you wrapped your arms around him, your cheek landing on his shoulder. "you don't have to talk about it. i'm sorry."

"he's my sire," he said flatly, and you froze against him. "he found me bleeding out in the woods of my hometown and took me prisoner."

your thumb made circular motions on his arm, not letting go of your grip around him. the foreigner that wanted him to follow in his footsteps. "how long?"

"i don't know," he admitted. "it felt like so long, but i don't know. months? a year, maybe?"

your grip around him tightened. "i'm so sorry."

"how much did you see?" he asked softly, his hand finding your knee through the blankets.

"enough to know it was hell," you said, pulling away finally. you sniffed harshly, wiping at your face. his eyes met yours, and you chewed your lip. "he turned you against your will, didn't he?"

jeonghan looked away again, exhaling, grateful that you hadn't seen the answer for yourself. "he did."

you looked down at his hand, watching it grip you gently. "is that why you want to turn back? because you didn't want it in the first place?"

he paused. "partly."

your eyes went back to his profile. "who was he talking-"

"that's enough," he said, sniffing harshly. "we can discuss it another time."

"o-of course," you said hastily. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to push-"

"it's not your fault," he said, glancing at you. "you saw it, you're right to have questions. i just don't think i can answer any more right now."

you nodded, landing your forehead on his shoulder. "take your time. if you can wait for me, i can wait for you."

jeonghan exhaled, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you back down into your bed. you adjusted, squirming until you could comfortably curl into his side, and he put his cheek on your head. he wondered if he could just hear your heart beating, or if his was, too. "you're so special," he said finally.

you paused, unable to think of a response for a moment. "i'm not that special."

"but you are," he said, hand running up your arm. his eyes shut as he tried to remember if he had ever felt this comforted before, even before he had turned. even before she had been taken from him. "i'm nothing but a cold blooded monster, and yet you make my chest warm."

you came home later than usual, caught up at the library with changyoon studying for your finals without the distraction of your new vampire roommate, and the first thing you noticed when you opened your door was the sound of your bass.

"i'm home," you announced as you entered the living room, and jeonghan smiled at you from his cross legged seat on the couch when he paused his playing.

"welcome back," he said, setting your bass on its stand as he approached you, wrapping you in a hug. "done studying for today?"

you nodded, exhaling into the embrace. "i didn't know you played."

"i tried it back in the seventies," he said when he pulled away. "it's been a while, so i'm a little rusty."

"you sounded good," you said, smiling as you went to the kitchen to wash your hands. you looked at the tv, on but muted, and read the lower third on the news report - something about the body of a murder suspect waiting for trial being found. you squinted at it. "what's that?"

jeonghan glanced at the screen. "that guy," he said, looking back at you. "the one that killed that kid in gangnam. he was found dead in his apartment."

your brow ruffled, remembering the case - he had been from an affluent enough family to pay bail, and it seemed like he was going to get charged for manslaughter instead of murder, despite the general public believing otherwise. "suicide?"

he cocked his head at the tv. "not sure."

you sighed, deciding to maintain your appetite by changing the subject. you had just spent the last four hours studying your criminal pathology practice test, you didn't need it to be your focus at home, too. "have you eaten?"

he shook his head as he followed. "i was waiting to eat with you."

you hummed, opening up your fridge. "i'm craving kimchi stew. are you willing to wait for soondae?"

his eyes got big, and you giggled when he said of course. you set a large pot of water to boil on the back burner of your induction cooktop and your small earthware on the front, and jeonghan chatted with you, asking about your day as he watched you cook.

you had spent so long living alone, it had been an adjustment to have someone home with you every day. but these days, you barely remembered what it was like before jeonghan was in your life, leaning against your wall or sat at your kitchen counter as he made you laugh.

you were quickly chopping green onions when you nicked the tip of your thumb, and you had barely pulled it to your face to check it before jeonghan's gentle grip was on your wrist, naturally spinning you until your back was to the counter, and you stared at him as he inspected the cut. this was normal at this point, his immediate appearance whenever you got little cuts or scratches, but your chest still fluttered when he was this close to you.

"dessert before breakfast?" he asked, his eyes meeting yours as he pressed a gentle kiss on your knuckles. "you should really be more careful, you'll spoil me rotten."

you could only watch as he placed your thumb in his mouth, and you were overly conscious of the way his hands landed on the counter at your hips. you let your fingers rest on his cheek as you felt his tongue swipe against the cut, the familiar sting before his saliva healed it, and you were left studying his hooded eyes as you lifted your other hand to his face.

"jeonghan…"

your thumb pulled from his lips with a pop, and he licked them before saying, "yes, master?"

you swallowed. "would it be wrong for me to like you?"

jeonghan faltered for just a moment, wondering if it was better to let you believe that he was just drunk on your taste, your smell. if he would be able to admit to even himself that his heart beat for you the same way yours did for him. and while he wasn't sure he could, he leaned into you, watching your eyes flutter shut as he approached, and he paused only to say, "we would probably both be in the wrong."

then, his lips were on yours, and your hands skated to his nape as his found your hips, his cold body flush against your hot one. when he pulled back, leaving only for him to stare at your soft, warm lips, you chased after him, leaving gentle pecks against him, and his chest swelled in a way that almost hurt - unfamiliar, a feeling he wasn't even sure he was capable of the last time he had been this close to someone.

"you're too sweet," he muttered, practically panting and his eyes shutting as his forehead landed on yours, trying to control the urge to sink his teeth into you, to drink the color from your lips. "i might be addicted."

you studied him, your fingers combing against his scalp as he exhaled. "at least you have an excuse."

his eyes opened, and you thought you could see the slightest tinge of red at the top of his amber iris, but you were soon distracted when he kissed you again, gentler, sweeter. and when his lips slowly pulled from yours, he ran a hand up your back as he said, "i think this is different."

it snowed the next day, and you stared out the window as jeonghan slept in your bed instead of his usual place in your closet. you decided to stay home that day, too endeared by the way he curled up on your mattress to tell him you were headed back to the library, but you had taken a quick break from studying to watch the snow drift to the ground through a foot tall gap in the window covering, lost in thought over what he had meant by different.

you finally finished your finals. you had pulled an all nighter studying before grabbing a coffee and heading off to your last two exams at nine in the morning, promptly passing out as soon as you got home six hours later.

jeonghan woke up around eight, stretching as he stepped out of your floor to ceiling wardrobe, eyes immediately catching you in bed. he checked the clock, about to approach you so you didn't ruin your sleep schedule, but when he saw the way your cheek squished against your pillow, phone haphazardly thrown on the mattress beside you, he just chewed his cheek and pulled your duvet up to cover you better. you adjusted, letting out a little noise followed by a soft sigh, and jeonghan had to turn away and cover his face to avoid blurting out how cute you were.

he took his time selecting a book off your bookshelf, reading the synopsis and quickly nodding. he had always enjoyed reading - once as an escape, but now, it was a hobby he had picked up to fill the time while you were gone or asleep, and the books you had were much more enjoyable than anything he had gotten his hands on back in the day. he made his way back up the stairs and snuck his way into the empty space beside you on your bed, laying with his head on your spare pillow. his eyes were on you as he flipped open the book, the pages slipping from his thumb and slapping against each other louder than he intended, and he froze when you adjusted. but you just scooted closer to him, your fingers gently resting on his arm as you snuggled down into your duvet, and he, again, struggled to keep a straight face.

he read for a couple hours, and when you adjusted again, inhaling, he set the book aside and rolled over, asking you how you thought your exams went.

"i'm confident," you exhaled, rubbing your face. "i was worried about chemistry going in, but it was easier than i expected."

he grinned, his torso fully on top of yours. "i knew you had it in the bag."

you smiled, hands landing on his cheeks. "thanks."

"so," he said, fingers gently running across your jaw, and you adjusted to cock your head as you looked up at him. his gaze ran across your features, settling on your eyes as his lip caught between his teeth. "since you don't have anything going on tomorrow…"

"don't tell me you want a drink."

jeonghan scoffed, indignant, making you giggle. "i said i would wait!"

you cupped his cheeks with your hands, the laughter still on your lips. "you were making that face. the one you always make when you're hungry."

"i'm not hungry," he pouted, then looked to the side. "well, i am, but that's not what i was gonna ask."

that made you giggle again. "what is it, then?"

he stared at you a minute, then looked away again. "i thought we could go somewhere tonight. to celebrate."

"go somewhere?" you asked, a sideways smile on your lips. "are you asking me out?"

he sighed, annoyed, and rolled off you. "i'm gonna go eat."

you giggled, flipping off your covers and stretching before you followed him down your stairs. "i moved some pork blood from the freezer before i left this morning."

he glanced up at you, trying to hide his reaction. "that was nice of you."

"you're allowed to say thank you," you said, skipping down the steps and throwing your arms over his shoulders, letting your feet drag behind you as you clung to him. he barely faltered as he walked to the fridge, but his hands went to your arms to keep them in place as he did. despite looking thin (and fragile, though he would probably kill you if you said it out loud), his occult nature made him stronger than anyone you had met, allowing him to carry your weight without even exerting himself on many occasions, much to your surprise.

he exhaled as he opened the fridge, spotting the jelly-like blood. "if you're gonna do this, jump on. it's hard to balance when you're dead weight."

"rude," you said, standing upright and letting go of him. he watched you as you grabbed a ramen pot out of your cupboard to fill with water, and he tried not to smile when you muttered "you're the dead one."

after getting a dish and a spoon, he placed a kiss on your cheek as he walked by, headed to the table in your living room. "thanks for the meal."

you smiled after him as you tore open a packet of instant ramen. "eat well."

you did, too, slurping down your celebratory ramen as jeonghan ate the congealed red jelly across from you. he let his spoon linger in his mouth a second after he finished, watching you drink the broth. you exhaled happily, dropping your chopsticks into the pot and leaned back on your hands.

"where would you wanna go?"

his eyebrow quirked, and he dropped the spoon from his mouth. "where?"

"you said you wanted to go somewhere tonight," you said, grabbing the roll of tissue you left on the table to wipe your mouth clean. "where were you thinking?"

his fist landed gently on the table, the metal spoon in it making a soft clanking noise against the wood, and he rubbed his face with the other hand. "i had a couple ideas."

you waited for him to look back at you, his fingers twirling the spoon in his grasp. "go ahead," you prompted.

he studied you, then let a smile sneak across his lips. "aren't surprises more fun?"

you agreed, but after you had cleaned up your place, taken a shower, and gotten dressed - warm, as was his request - he dragged you to the roof of your building, and you faltered. "jeonghan, i tend to avoid rooftops-"

he held your hand, giving you his biggest puppy eyes. "trust me?"

you stuttered, trying to figure out how to explain that it had nothing to do with your trust in him and everything to do with your trust in yourself, and you yelped when he scooped you into his arms and stepped to the edge of the building.

"don't look down," he warned, and you could only stare at him in shock as two bat-like wings folded out from his back.

"wait wait-wait!" you squealed as he leaped off the building, and your arms wrapped around his neck as your eyes squeezed shut, legs curling into your chest with his arm securely under your knees. "jeonghan!"

he laughed, and you could feel the wind whipping past. "you're not scared of heights, are you?"

you pushed your face into his neck. "it's falling that scares me."

"i won't let you fall," he muttered into your ear, and you slowly pried your eyes open. "relax a little, you're harder to carry when you're tense.

you took a deep breath, focusing on him as you tried to loosen your muscles, and he gave you a quick smile. the air was cleaner up here, you realized - cold, but refreshing, and it almost felt like you had been trapped inside for days with how good it made you feel. "you didn't tell me you could fly."

"you didn't ask," he said, and you would have smacked him if you weren't so focused on keeping your grip around his neck. "the city's pretty from up here, if you think you can handle it."

"i'll keep my eyes on you, thanks."

when jeonghan finally landed, it was on an unoccupied terrace of a hotel, close to the coast. "we'll have to walk the rest of the way," he said, setting you down on your feet. "it's usually busy out there during the weekends."

your knees wobbled slightly, and you grabbed his arm as you breathed. "warn me next time."

"yes, master," he said, grinning at you as he pulled open the door to the elevators, gesturing for you to enter before him.

by the time the two of you were on the street, you had fully gathered yourself, and jeonghan nudged you.

"you okay?"

you noticed his hand turning something over in his pocket, and you realized it had been over a week since you had asked him for a cigarette. you exhaled slowly, grabbing his elbow and pulling his hand from his pocket, where he abandoned your lighter. "yeah, i'm okay."

he laced his fingers with yours, still studying you. "sorry for scaring you."

you shook your head, smiling at him. "you don't scare me, jeonghan."

"right," he said, squeezing your hand. "it's falling that scares you."

you thought for a second, tempted to correct him, say that it was actually yourself that scared you the most, but you looked up at the night sky as the two of you walked to the pier, and exhaled with a smile on your lips. "in that case, maybe you do scare me."

jeonghan didn't say anything, but he thought that if he had a fear of falling, the feeling of your warm hand in his would trigger that in him, too. he always hesitated to admit such things to you, because the first and last time he thought he might have been in love, his judgment had been clouded by other factors, some of the same factors that drew him to you. deep down, he knew it must have been real this time, but his only true fear was that this feeling he had for you would end in a worse tragedy than the one previous.

the ocean air felt healing, and you exhaled happily as the two of you leaned against the railing on the boardwalk. there was a moment of silence, and suddenly you yelled out to the ocean.

jeonghan jumped, laughing at your meaningless wail, and looked around briefly at the attention you had garnered. "what was that for?"

you giggled, looking at him. "i've been too stressed lately. this felt like the right place to let it out."

he rolled his eyes. "have you always been like this?"

"unfortunately," you said, sighing, and you turned your head slightly when you heard someone talking about jeonghan. you didn't look, but they said something about that handsome guy, asking their friend do you think they're a couple? only to get a response of no way, he's too good looking.

you pursed your lips, scooting slightly closer to where his arms were crossed over the railing, and he let out another laugh. "wanna show off that i'm yours?"

you looked the opposite direction. "no."

"aw, master's so cute," he cooed, wrapping his arms around you and smooching your cheek. "don't listen to them, they're just jealous of how delicious you look."

of course he had heard them, too, and you tried to hide the heat on your face at the realization that you had been caught acting jealous, when you weren't even in a relationship. sure, he took care of you, but he did that because you were his master, and offering his hand or arm for you to hold felt more like an excuse to keep you from wandering off than anything else. even the kiss you had shared, and the few times he pressed his lips against your cheek… you weren't sure of his intentions. if he was just obsessed with your blood - his most frequent compliments were that you smelled good and looked delicious - or if there was the possibility that he saw you the same way you saw him, with rose tinted glasses and a bokeh effect, fracturing lights into hearts in your vision every time you looked at him. were vampires even capable of such complex human emotions?

"stop thinking about me, unless you want me to lower your blood pressure for you."

you puffed out your cheeks and glared at him, making him laugh. you looked away, out to the ocean, as you grabbed his hands and pressed them to your face, trying to cool it. he held back another laugh, studying the way your cheeks were cupped in his cold hands, and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. you sighed, finally catching his gaze as you chewed your lip.

he smiled when he overheard another whisper. "they think i'm your boyfriend now."

a tiny smile snuck onto your face before you could catch it, and jeonghan grinned at you when you consciously changed your expression, pulling from his grasp to put your arms on the railing, staring out at the ocean again. "you aren't."

"but everyone thinks i am," he said, an arm casually draping over your shoulder as he stood beside you. "even your brother."

"foster brother," you corrected, and looked down at the surface of the water. it was far, and though it wasn't deep just below you, it went all the way out to sea. you knew china was on the other side of this particular body of water, but if you swam far enough, you would end up in the pacific. you remembered how often that thought floated through your mind when you were younger. "i wish i could tell him the truth, but he doesn't believe in this kinda stuff."

jeonghan sucked on his cheek. "you didn't either, when i first spoke to you."

"i didn't believe in vampires," you agreed. "but he doesn't even believe my premonitions."

"your vibes," jeonghan nodded. you let out a short laugh, and he smiled at your profile, eyes following your gaze to the water. "why are you lost in thought?"

you shook your head, taking a breath and moving your eyes to the horizon. "i used to come here a lot in high school. fantasize about swimming out to sea and never coming back."

he took your hand in his, pulling it to his lips and pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "you had a hard time, i'm sorry."

you usually minimized how much you struggled when you were young, played it off, pretended you were okay, even when you lost your parents. the flood of those memories brought on by your night made your eyes well slightly, and you thought you wouldn't be able to hide it from jeonghan even if you tried. "i did."

he studied you, placing another kiss on the back of your hand. "do you want to talk about it?"

you inhaled, looking around the boardwalk and spotting a bench in a mostly unoccupied area. you looked at jeonghan, nodding your head towards it. "shall we sit?"

primary school was hard for you. you were too young to understand that people ostracized those who were different. that many parents passed on the learned behavior of judgment and shame onto their children, and the smarter they were, the faster they caught on. your mother had always had dreams she couldn't explain, visions of things before they happened, and oftentimes, it allowed your parents to steer your family towards fortune. she told you that your differences were what made you beautiful, and you had believed her. but when you told a girl at school that she should stop chasing after a boy, having a bad feeling about what would happen when she confessed, she accused you of having a crush on him, too.

"n-no," you said, backing up slightly. "i j-just don't want you t-to get hurt."

"a stutter, too?" she scoffed at you. "worry about yourself, you weirdo. he'll never like you back, leave it alone."

children were cruel. and when that boy you had a bad feeling about pushed her down into the mud, she blamed you. and so did her friends. and soon, so did the rest of your class, the opinion becoming fact, and the fact becoming legacy.

you were ten when that same girl was shoving you down onto the pavement after school, when you were just trying to walk home. you hissed, your knees bloodied from the fall, and her friend kicked you to your side, telling you to look at them when they spoke to you.

"look how pathetic, sooah," she laughed. "can't even make eye contact."

you swallowed, looking up after you managed to sit on the pavement, your hands behind you for support. "y-yes i c-can."

sooah laughed at you, kicking aside your bookbag and letting the contents spill over the pavement. "ugly and a stutter. no wonder your parents never show up to school fairs, they must be embarrassed by you."

"th-they-" you swallowed. "my dad, h-he travels-"

"whatever, stutter," sooah said. "tell whatever lies keep you alive, that way we can keep kicking you to the curb."

"hey!" you winced, shoulders curling at the new voice. "leave them alone!"

"let's get out of here," sooah said, grabbing the arm of one of her friends before stepping on your notebooks as they ran off.

"you fuckin punks! jesus christ. are you okay?"

you looked up at the hand extended in front of you, then at the boy it was connected to. he wore a middle school uniform, and you were stuck blinking up at him.

"are you deaf?" he asked, crouching in front of you.

you shook your head. "s-sorry-"

"those stupid girls are the ones that should be sorry," he said, starting to gather your things. you moved to grab your bag, holding it open as he brushed the dirt off your notebooks and deposited them into it. "are you okay?"

you sniffed, rubbing the tears off your face. "yeah."

"i'm changyoon," he said after he helped you to your feet as you told him your name. "don't you have anyone to walk home with? friends? siblings?"

you shook your head, kneading your hands together, and he looked around before sighing

"i'll walk you home," he decided, putting an arm over your shoulder. "i'll be your big brother, okay? tell me if anyone's bugging you, and i'll beat them up."

the bullying never stopped, but he made it easier to deal with, walking home with you most days. he wasn't able to protect you in class, though, and your bullies took note.

changyoon's family was kind to you, taking care of you when your parents were away for business. your father was professionally successful, and with his job, he often had to attend dinners and meetings late into the night. your mother would appear as his wife, of course, and she once asked if you had any friends that you could have a sleepover with while they went out.

"i-i have one," you said sheepishly, and when she pressed, you told her about changyoon.

"a boy?" she asked. "is he in your class?"

you shook your head. "he g-goes to the middle school n-nearby."

she studied you, thinking about all the times you had come home with bruises and scrapes, insisting that you had fallen on your own, even though both of you knew she knew the truth. that she saw those girls in her dreams the same way you did. "does he take good care of you?"

you nodded, and she put a kiss on the top of your head, asking if you knew his mother's phone number.

on nights where your parents were unsure of when they would come home, they sent you to the kim household with some folded cash, and you always dutifully told changyoon's mother that your parents said it was for the trouble. she would call your mother to let you know that you arrived, but send you up to changyoon's room without taking the money from you with a wink and a finger over her lips.

you hated feeling alone, so even when you were old enough to stay home when they had dinners, you usually asked changyoon if you could come over anyways. on one such night, while the two of you attended the same high school, you sat straight up in bed, trying to catch your breath, your face already stained with tears. you looked over the edge of changyoon's bed, crawling off it to where he was laying on the cot in the middle of his room, blankets haphazard around his sprawled body.

"changyoon!" you cried, shaking him awake, and he blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he registered your choked sobs. "c-changyoon, i-i think something happened…"

changyoon's mother held your hand at the funeral. a car crash - they got t-boned at an intersection by a drunk driver. your mother died on impact, but your father died in hospital, and he wasn't even able to speak to you before he passed. people you didn't know offered you their condolences - people your father worked with, surely, but you had never met - and you felt numb as you accepted them, waiting for the day to end so you could crawl into bed and let yourself cry until the sun rose again.

you were laying on changyoon's bed a week later with his dog asleep at your feet, officially moved into his home after you were left alone in yours, staring at the ceiling as he played some game on his computer. you chewed your cheek. "changyoon?"

he glanced over at you as he played. "yeah?"

you took a deep breath, eyes trained on the ceiling as tears welled in them. "do you think i'm cursed?"

he instantly moved from his computer, abandoning the game. "i don't believe in that stuff."

you looked at him as he approached, nudging your side with the back of his hand so you would scoot over to make room for him. "what do you mean?"

"curses, and whatever," he said, laying out next to you. "i don't believe that stuff. things just happen sometimes, and it's out of our control."

you thought about that a moment, and you figured that was one way to find comfort.

it took you a month or so to run out of patience. the outright bullying had turned to an abundance of whispers, always too close and too loud to be out of earshot. that you were an orphan, rumors about how your parents would run off regularly to avoid staying with you. hints that you were at fault. if they can see the future, why didn't they save their parents?

you left in the middle of class with the excuse that you needed to use the restroom, but walked in the opposite direction, headed to the stairs that led to the roof. the air was cold and refreshing, and you felt a kind of clarity for the first time since your parents had died, staring out over the edge of the building.

changyoon was heading back to his class from the bathroom with the hall pass spinning around his finger when he spotted you all the way down the hall, going up the stairs. his brow ruffled, catching the carved wood pass and looking around before deciding to follow you.

he was glad he did when he found you standing on the raised edge of the roof, instantly running towards you and yelling out your name.

you spun, face puffy from crying, and he grabbed your hand, pulling you off the ledge before you could fall back.

"i'm sorry," he said, catching you in his arms and hugging you close as you both shook with sobs. "i'm so sorry."

you choked, hands grasping the back of his uniform as you buried your face in his shoulder. "i'm so tired, changyoon. i can't do this anymore."

"i know," he cried, not letting go. "i'm sorry, i'm being selfish, but please," he tightened his hold. "please, even if you feel like you can't continue, please keep living for me."

jeonghan's hand was clasped tight around yours, and you inhaled sharply, staring out at the water. "he made me promise. we don't break promises."

he watched you, almost shocked that the tears in your eyes hadn't fallen. "i'm glad you have him."

a small smile found your face, and you turned towards jeonghan. "me, too. he ended up introducing me to hyejin, and her and mingyu's families are neighbors. we all got pretty close." you sighed, thumb running over the back of jeonghan's hand. "then he had the idea to form the band after he made some more friends in college."

"what about you?"

you gave him a puzzled look. "what about me?"

"you made more friends?" he asked. "the other guys in your band, i know, but anyone else?"

you blinked. "not really," you admitted. "but i'm okay with that. they're practically my family," you said, smiling. "they make it easier. less lonely."

jeonghan looked down, eyes running over your hand in his. "i'm sorry about your parents."

you exhaled. "thank you."

"you only stayed with changyoon's family until you came of age," he remembered, and you looked to him, realizing he had recalled the information from one of your earliest conversations. "where did you go after that?"

"well," you started, looking out to the water again. "i got access to my inheritance, so i used a little for a deposit on an officetel, but i honestly didn't want to touch most of it." you swallowed, peeking at him. "then i decided to work for a while because i bombed my college entrance exam."

jeonghan stifled a laugh, and you let go of his hand to punch his thigh repeatedly. "sorr- ow! sorry!"

you giggled. "have you even tried to go to uni?" you asked, accusatory. "it's hard!"

"i haven't," he said, laughing and taking your hand again. "i don't really have a way to apply even if i wanted to. no identity."

you stared at him. "i didn't think about that."

he sighed, a smile on his lips. "just a drifter. but i like it this way, not being on record. it's true freedom."

"that's an interesting perspective," you decided, then studied him. he gave your hand a squeeze and looked out to the ocean.

"i lost someone, too. back when i was human."

you swallowed. "i'm sorry."

he shook his head. "it's been so long, i've done my healing. but my love for her will never fade."

you looked down, chastising yourself for feeling some kind of jealousy over his statement. "it's kind of beautiful," you said, finally sorting out your feelings. "if you stay a vampire, someone will love her forever."

jeonghan leaned back on the bench, pulling his hand from yours and draping his arm over your shoulders instead. "my sister has been loved for almost four hundred years, now. i'm sure that was longer than she was expecting."

your eyes snapped to his. "sister?"

he had a vague smirk on his lips. "did you think it was someone else?"

"n-no," you said, embarrassed. "i'm sorry, i just didn't even know you had-"

"i'm teasing," he said, pulling you into his side. "yeah, i have a sister. she was smart. beautiful, too, just like my mother. even had her blonde hair."

"how-" you hesitated, before remembering all you had just shared with him. "how did she die?"

he studied you a second. "she was like you. different. sometimes when you tell me about your premonitions, it reminds me of things she would say." you watched him as he turned towards the ocean. "it was a time when witches were deemed evil. there were white men back then," he said, adjusting his posture. "traders from france and portugal. they had their own beliefs about witches, and their own ways of dealing with them." he paused. "they took her from me."

your hand went to your mouth. "jeonghan-"

"like i said," he looked at you. "i've done my healing. but back then, i struggled with it just as much as you did."

you remembered the dream you had suddenly, the weight of the injuries on his wrists when that man held him prisoner. "before that man turned you," you said quietly. "you said you were bleeding out."

he nodded. "people are cruel. i thought the pain would stop if i made it."

you looked down, your hands knitting in your lap, then placed one on his thigh. "it does eventually, though."

"it does," he agreed. he smiled at you when you met his gaze, studying his two toned eyes. "though it took me about three hundred years longer to learn that having friends makes it easier."

he insisted that you could take the subway home instead of the method he had used to bring you there, but you brushed him off. you had stayed out too late - by the time the two of you had even thought about heading home, it was long past midnight, and you told him flying would be faster. he studied you closely, hoping you weren't just saying so for his sake.

"i'll be fine," you said, hands on his chest, and he exhaled when you smiled at him. "i trust you."

the trip home was easier, and you enjoyed it, even - he had been right when he said the view was beautiful from above. the city was all twinkling lights and toy cars, bustling with life despite it being too late into the night. there was a christmas tree lit with strands of white lights in the park that the two of you often walked through together, and you had to blink yourself out of your daze when he landed on the roof of your building again.

your knees shook less when he let you down. "you're okay?"

you nodded, grinning at him. "i think i can get used to it."

when you were back in your apartment, outer layers shed and lights turned on, you flopped onto your couch, sighing happily. you felt refreshed by your trip to the ocean, from revealing your past to jeonghan - weight had been lifted from your shoulders, and you felt lighter than ever when a smile snuck onto your lips. "i don't have school anymore."

jeonghan smiled at you from where he was hanging your coats, shutting the closet door before walking towards you. "how's it feel?"

"amazing," you said, sitting up and holding out your arms, gesturing for him to join you. "how about you? you excited for my graduation?"

"of course i am," he said, placing his hands in yours, and you let out a surprised noise when he pulled you to your feet. "only a month away from sinking my teeth into that pretty neck of yours."

you giggled when his hand went to the back of your head, and you instinctively tipped your head back as he put his lips on your throat, his teeth gently nibbling at the vein on the side of your neck. you breathed out. "that tickles."

he hummed against you, his hand flat against your spine to hold you close. "i hope it only tickles when i bite you for real, too."

you pulled back slightly, but his hold on you landed your forehead on his, and you stared at him a moment. "jeonghan, i'm curious…"

his eyes skated over your face. "yes, master?"

you hesitated. "do you think i'd be okay if-" you bit your lip. "if you had a little today?"

jeonghan stared at you, and he thought it was your heart thumping against his chest before he realized it was his own. "don't tease me."

"i'm not," you said quietly. "i don't have any plans til practice next week, and i'm curious if it…" you paused, glancing at his lips. "if it will actually tickle."

"it won't," he warned, immediately exposing his flirtatious lie. "it'll hurt."

your eyes met his, and he wondered if this is how you had felt all those times he made your heart beat fast, made your blood rush to your face. "sometimes pain tickles a little."

he couldn't stop himself from pressing his lips against your forehead gently. "are you sure?"

your hands went to his face, cupping his cheeks, and you nodded. "i promise."

he hoisted you up onto his hips, and you yelped into a giggle as your legs settled around him. you ran your hands through his hair, grinning at him, and he nearly tripped on the first stair with the distraction of your fingers threading against his scalp, but managed to make it into your lofted bedroom without too much trouble. when he kneeled in front of your bed, gingerly seating you on it, he took your hand in his and placed a kiss on your knuckles before he looked up at you. "you can change your mind."

you shook your head at him. "i'm ready."

jeonghan bowed his head, then rose to place a knee between yours, his hand finding your nape as you stared up at him. "thank you for the meal."

you smiled gently and tipped your head as he laid you back onto your bed, his lips placing kisses down your neck before he settled in one spot. your hands ran up his back, one clenching at his shirt when he tentatively placed his fangs at your pulse - the same gentle nibble he had done before - and you put the other in his hair as silent reassurance before he sank his teeth into you.

he was right - it did hurt, but only a small, sharp pain of him breaking skin before he began to draw blood. you stopped yourself from gasping by biting your lip, your fingers digging into his scalp at the almost numbing sensation, and jeonghan was grateful he had fed himself already after his first gulp. your sweet taste on his tongue, your warm blood running down his throat, he was forced to pause before continuing, your plasma pooling on his tongue, his eyes fluttering open to catch the way you craned your neck for him. he ran his hand under your spine, pulling you up off the mattress to let your head fall back naturally before he drank again, three more gulps, but stopped himself short when he felt your heartbeat quicken, your grip on his shirt loosen slightly, worried he would take too much. he was hyper aware of your hold on his head, your scent, your taste, and he knew he could lose himself to you too easily.

he knew what it felt like to lose himself. and he wasn't going to let you reap those consequences.

you felt his tongue lap against the puncture wounds, and you muttered his name. he placed you gently back on your mattress as he pulled away, hovering over you, and you stared up at him a moment. his lips were stained red, and his tongue darted out to clean them. your hand went to his cheek. "thank you for finding me."

he put his hand over yours. "you found me," he corrected, and you noticed more red in his amber iris as you studied him.

"i like you, jeonghan," you said, and you saw his eyes dart between yours before he gave you a wide smile and plopped down next to you on the mattress.

"i like you, too, master!" he said giddily, rubbing his cheek on your shoulder as he hugged you, and you suddenly felt lightheaded from the blood loss. "you're so delicious!"

your hand went to the thigh that was hooked over your leg, the only part of him you could comfortably reach with the arm he was snuggling. "stop squirming, i'm dizzy-"

he kissed you on the cheek and rolled onto his back. "i feel like i could take on the world."

you turned your head, the motion making you aware of the soreness in your neck, but you couldn't help the giggle that fell out of you when you noticed him practically glowing with glee. "you're drunk."

he grinned at you. "because you're so sweet. oh-" he leaned over again, holding your jaw forward to inspect your cheek. "you have a kiss mark."

"are you gonna clean it?" you asked, and his lip caught in his teeth as he wiped away the blood stain with his thumb, sticking it in his mouth. you winced, hand landing on your forehead. "can you get me-"

jeonghan leaped up before you could finish the thought, giving you an on it as he ran down the stairs. you found yourself laughing again, his earnesty putting a smile on your lips, but you wondered if he understood the earnesty behind your confession, as well.

"okay," he said, returning too quickly for anyone else to have completed the task. "water and buttercream bread."

he placed the little tray of goodies on the bed beside you as he pulled you to sit up, and your hand went to your neck as you winced, one eye closed and your mouth gaping. "ow."

he pouted at you, kneeling before you again. "i'm sorry."

"no, it's okay," you assured, slowly stretching your neck. "just sore."

"it looks like it'll bruise," he said, running his fingers over the bite mark - sealed, but still visible, and the reddened skin around it where he had sucked.

you exhaled at his touch, unsure if your mind was swirling from his gentleness or from the low blood pressure. "i'll be fine," you said, taking the glass of water he had brought for you and sipping at it. "thank you."

he sat fully on the floor, wrapping his arms around your calf and placing his chin on your knee as he smiled up at you, and you imagined him with a wagging tail again, begging for your attention. "anything for my master."

you stirred when you heard knocking on your door, and jeonghan sat up before you managed to make your brain work. you felt groggy, almost like you were hungover, and your eyes found jeonghan's as he listened intently.

"i can't tell who it is," he said, leaning over you and placing a kiss on your forehead. "should i go answer it?"

you blinked, looking around, realizing it was light in the room. "i left the blinds open," you said sleepily, gesturing for him to help you up. "i'll get it."

he watched you slowly go down the stairs, mumbling when the knocking repeated, and he got out of bed to lean over the railing as you stumbled across your living room, listening closely when you disappeared below him to get the door.

you swung the door open, squinting and rubbing your face. "changyoon?"

he stared at you, then laughed out loud. "party too hard?"

you just turned around, leaving the door open for him as you walked back into your apartment, flopping onto your couch.

"why haven't you been answering your phone?" he asked, flipping off his shoes and following you. "we've been trying to contact you all day."

you blinked at him. "i stayed out late last night."

"yeah, i can tell," he said, his hands in his pockets as he gave you a sideways smile. he looked back at the door, trying to remember if he saw another pair of shoes. "gnarly hickey, by the way. is jeonghan around?"

your hand slapped over your neck, and you winced slightly at the soreness before you sat up straight. your eyes went up to the loft, where jeonghan was peeking out over the railing, but ducked behind it when changyoon turned to look himself.

he laughed, looking back at you. "got it. hope you have concealer, i booked a gig for tonight, i'm here to take you to last minute practice."

"tonight?" you whined, falling back into the cushioned seat. "i thought we weren't playing til next weekend."

"wonpil got us a last minute spot as an opening act for some punk band," he said, kicking your foot where it hung off the arm of your couch. "his friend knows the manager, and their last act fell through."

you groaned. "can't you play for me?"

"c'mon, hex," he said, grabbing your ankle and swinging it around, making you groan again. "this is a good opportunity, and they aren't a band without you. drink some water and get ready, we can get you a morning recovery shot on the way."

you huffed, rubbing your face again. "god, i was really hoping to sleep all day."

"you basically did," changyoon said, glancing at his phone. "it's already four, you go on stage at 9:30." you whined again, kicking your feet around. "you can bring jeonghan," he said, a lilt in his voice as he tried to convince you, and you dragged your hands off your face to glare at him.

you exhaled, standing finally, and headed to your stairs. "you're the worst."

"only for you," he said, grinning after you as he plopped down on your sofa, pulling out his phone to let the others know that he had awoken you from the dead.

jeonghan watched you from where he hid behind the loft railing, and you exhaled a laugh at the way he was squatting to stay out of sight. "i'm sorry," he said quietly, crawling over your bed as you headed to your closet. "i shouldn't have-"

"shush," you sighed, smiling at him. "i offered. and i'm only a little sore, i can play a half hour set."

"i can hear you guys," changyoon announced from your couch.

"then shut your ears," you yelled back, pushing aside clothes in your wardrobe. you looked around, searching for a turtleneck as jeonghan approached you from behind. "would you wanna come?"

he was in the middle of wrapping his arms around your waist when he paused. "i don't wanna intrude."

"i'm inviting you," you said, finding the turtleneck you had been looking for and putting the hanger on the knob of the wardrobe and looking for a punk rock enough tee to layer over it. "but you can say no."

he pressed his lips to your shoulder, thinking about how he had only heard you practice bass at home, without the accompaniment of your band. "it would be nice to keep an eye on you as you recover," he said, as though that were the only reason he would tag along.

you threw a pair of distressed black jeans onto your bed, along with the shirts you had picked out. "yoonie, did you drive the van?" you yelled out, then looked at jeonghan when you didn't get a response. you put your hands on the railing and glared at the man on your couch. "changyoon."

he looked up. "sorry, my ears were shut."

you rolled your eyes, pushing away from the rail as you started to get changed. "the van?"

"yup," he said, still on his phone. "wonpil and mingyu are already at jihoon's, but we gotta pick up hyejin at the nail salon."

you stripped off the shirt you had worn to sleep, flicking out the turtleneck before pulling it over your arms and looking up at jeonghan, his eyes immediately going to the ceiling. you pursed your lips to hold back a laugh. "the van has tinted windows," you told him, pulling the shirt over your head and adjusting the collar, looking in the mirror next to your wardrobe to make sure it covered the bruise on your neck - though going on stage with a hickey would probably be on brand for a punk show. "we can bring an umbrella, too."

jeonghan sat on your bed, fiddling with the hem of the fuzzy pajama pants he wore, looking at your phone. "sun sets in an hour anyways," he said, looking up at you. "i guess i'll change, too."

you nodded at him, then inspected your face in the mirror, rubbing it again. "ugh, i should wash up. see you downstairs?"

he let out a noise of agreement, but before you could grab the rest of your clothes and trot downstairs, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him. you looked at him with wide eyes as he studied your neck, where he knew his bite mark was just beyond the fabric of your shirt. you swallowed and he blinked, refocusing on your eyes, and his lips quirked into a sideways smile before he pressed them against yours. "see you downstairs."

changyoon said nothing as you avoided his gaze, rushing to your bathroom, but he silently wondered how serious the two of you had gotten for jeonghan to be staying the night often enough to have clothes in your closet, and why you hadn't told him anything about your boyfriend.

"oh, jeonghan-ah!" hyejin laughed, climbing into the front passenger seat of the van, looking back at the two of you. "you're coming to the show?"

jeonghan looked confused at the casual address before he remembered they were supposed to be the same age, and adjusted his expression accordingly. "yeah, can't wait to hear you guys play."

hyejin grinned, nudging changyoon. "told you they were serious. when has hex ever brought a boy around?"

changyoon looked at her as he pulled away from the curb. "when has hex ever had a boy to bring around?"

"alright," you said, annoyed. "we don't have to discuss my love life right now, do we?"

"i'm curious," jeonghan said, giving you a teasing smile. "no boyfriends before me?"

"oh!" hyejin laughed again. "boyfriend! straight from the source!"

"you guys act like i'm some kind of prude," you huffed, folding your arms over your chest and leaning back in your seat. "it's not like i've never dated."

changyoon looked at you in the mirror. "you sure about that?"

"just because i didn't tell you, doesn't mean it didn't happen," you said pointedly, then leaned forward to poke hyejin's shoulder. "right?"

she agreed, her lips pouting out, and changyoon looked at her in shock. "what? are you two keeping secrets from me?"

"you're the annoyingly protective older brother," hyejin said, smacking his arm. "i'm the cool older sister. i'm the one they can talk to about boys."

"i'm not annoying," changyoon argued, making the face he always did when hyejin teased him, and you pursed your lips in the back seat to avoid laughing. they were continuing their bickering when you felt a touch on your thigh, and you looked down to find jeonghan walking two fingers across your lap, glancing up at him as he looked out the window, and you let out a stifled giggle when he laid his hand over your thigh, palm up, expectantly. you laced your fingers with his, and he couldn't help his smile after he adjusted in his seat to roll his head towards you, finding you with your tongue out at him playfully. he wondered, briefly, why it had taken him so long to find someone that made him smile like you did.

"drinks on me!" wonpil announced, holding his keyboard over his head after you had all run off stage, the lights dimming to prepare for the main act. you pulled your strap over your head, breathing heavy and grinning up at mingyu.

"dude, you killed it!" you shoved his arm, and he laughed pulling off his guitar. "i'm so glad we played the girl from jupiter, your solo in that song fucks so hard."

mingyu rolled his eyes, then looked behind him as someone had to scoot by, making him step closer to you in the narrow wing of the stage. he looked at you, then immediately redirected his gaze, swallowing. "if you came to practice, you'd get to hear it more often."

you pouted, walking off towards where there was more space, finding your case to put away your guitar. "sorry, i've been insanely busy lately." you crouched down to feel around for the zipper. "i'm finally done with school, so i'll be better now."

"congrats, by the way," he said, tapping your shoe with his. "you forensic expert, you. what now, you gonna be a detective?"

you sighed, standing as you zipped your case closed. "well, i gotta start applying."

"hey!" you both looked over to changyoon. "hurry up and throw your shit in the van so we can get drunk."

mingyu laughed and rolled his eyes, and you ran up behind jihoon, throwing your arm over his shoulder as you all exited the stage doors to the alley you were parked in. he had to use the main act's kit to save stage change time, leaving him to carry wonpil's keyboard stand, and you all stood around the trunk as changyoon arranged the instruments in the way he had decided was most efficient. you were laughing with jihoon as he tried to catch his breath, rubbing his sweaty face with his shirt when you heard a familiar voice call for his sweet thing.

you spun, grinning as you practically skipped towards him. "hey!"

jeonghan smiled at you, putting his sunglasses on the crown of his head and catching you in his arms. "you didn't tell me you guys were good!"

your eyes were big when you pulled away, and he shrugged off his leather jacket to drape over your shoulders, leaving him in the hoodie he had worn to protect himself from the sun, though it was long gone by now. "really? you think so?"

"of course he thinks so," hyejin said, winking at jeonghan and poking at your back. you spun towards her. "i saw him in the crowd. he couldn't take his eyes off you, looking all dopey."

you looked back at jeonghan, whose eyes were pointed at the sky, and you chewed your lip to stop yourself from giggling. "you should come to more of our shows, if you think we're so good."

"maybe i will," he said, pouting, but when his eyes landed on your face, he couldn't stop his smile. "do you get to hang out now?"

"hell yeah, we do," wonpil said, slapping your back as he headed back to the door, making you laugh. "i'm gonna go open a tab at the bar, come find me when you get back in." he pointed at jeonghan. "you, too, mr. hex."

he laughed, waving his hand. "i don't drink," he said, but wonpil had already moved on to try and convince jihoon to have at least one shot with him, to celebrate a successful show.

"you don't drink?" changyoon asked, shutting the van, and you watched hyejin hook her arm with mingyu's, smiling after them as they headed back into the venue. "how long are you guys planning on staying?"

"we'll hang out for the rest of the show," you said, checking jeonghan's expression for confirmation. he nodded, and you looked back at changyoon. "band bonding."

changyoon laughed, pushing his knuckle into your cheek. "good deal. jeonghan, do you drive?"

"uh," he looked at the van, and you hissed out changyoon's name in annoyance. "i can?"

"band bonding," changyoon grinned, depositing the van keys in his hand. "get us all home safe and you can date my kid."

you groaned, about to argue when jeonghan just pulled you into his side by your waist.

"consider it done," he said, and you blinked at him as changyoon grinned, gesturing for you to follow him back into the venue. it was loud and dark inside, and in the time it had taken you to load your things back into the van, the main act had made their way on stage, leaving the bar mostly clear as everyone swarmed to the pit. spotting the rest of your bandmates was easy, crowded in one space at the bar, and jihoon was talking about some article on his phone.

"another one?" wonpil asked, tugging the screen to face him. "isn't that the third one this week?"

changyoon peeked over a shoulder, looking. "good, they're cleaning up the streets."

"what are they talking about," you asked mingyu, and he tapped his palm against the bar.

"another body was found this morning, and they just released his identity. turns out he was a serial rapist."

you looked at jeonghan, remembering that news report you had seen with him a while back. "do you know the cause of death?" you asked, looking at jihoon.

"uh," he stalled, eyes scanning the article. "the throat was slit? seems to be," he quoted. "unconfirmed injury causing blood loss."

hyejin shivered visibly. "aren't we supposed to be celebrating?" she asked, looking around. "can we stop talking about dead creeps?"

"yeah," wonpil said, slamming jihoon's phone on the bar, making the drummer let out an annoyed noise. "shots all around. what's everyone getting?"

hyejin looked at you, her freshly manicured hand grabbing your arm. "take tequila with me?"

you blinked. "sure?"

"great," she grinned. "what about you, jeonghan?"

"he's dd," changyoon said, then pointed at jihoon. "which means you have no excuse."

"what?" jihoon looked around, wonpil already cheering in his face. "i'm always dd!"

changyoon grinned, landing a hand on his shoulder. "it's a haze, bud. he wants to date hex, so he has to pass the test."

jeonghan held up the keys for everyone to see, his lips pursed, and hyejin and wonpil cheered again as he slipped them into his jeans pocket, jihoon leaning over the bar heavily. hyejin ordered the tequila, making mingyu take one too, while the other guys ordered something less insane, in wonpil's words, then a round of beers for everyone. jeonghan stood beside you, leaning against the bar as hyejin excitedly watched the bartender prepare the salt rims for you.

"how much are you planning on drinking?" he asked, lips by your ear to keep it between the two of you. "i'm a little worried."

"why," you started, bringing his hand up to your neck. "because of this?"

he smiled, his thumb running over your jaw as his hand rested against your clothed neck, still sensitive to touch. "yeah, because of that."

"i'll just have the one shot," you assured, fiddling with the strings of his sweatshirt and tipping your head to the side. "then i'll nurse the beer til we leave."

"you might get drunk faster," he warned, glancing at where your shots were being poured. "if you need me to find you food, let me know. i'll keep an eye on you."

you chewed your cheek, hiding a smile as you turned back towards your friends. "yessir."

his hand went to your back, under his jacket that hung over your shoulders, and you exhaled heavily when hyejin doled out the shots, pushing the plate of limes towards you after mingyu grabbed his.

"ready?" she asked, looking around. "changyoon?"

"alright, gang," he said, speaking up over the music playing on stage. "thank you to wonpil for this opportunity-" he nodded, raising his shot in acknowledgement. "-thank you jihoon, for being the best songwriting companion a man could ask for-"

"our jihoonie!" you shouted out, slamming your hand on the bar repeatedly as a replacement for applause, mingyu howling with you.

"and welcome mr. jeonghan, let's hope you stick around. it'll be nice to get jihoon drunk more often."

you couldn't help but laugh at the toast, and hyejin let out an extended yaaaay, clapping and giving jeonghan a double thumbs up before picking her shot up.

"to the band. i'm proud to manage such a cool act. let's blow this year up!" changyoon shouted, grinning, holding his shot out, and everyone happily pushed their glasses against his and cheered.

jeonghan watched, a sideways smile on his face as the six of you drank together, mingyu, hyejin, and yourself having to lick your rims before knocking back the alcohol. you made a face, squinting as you shoved the lime wedge into your mouth, biting into it, and jeonghan couldn't help but laugh at your reaction.

"blech." you smacked your lips, dropping your spent wedge back onto the plate as hyejin laughed at mingyu's similar reaction. "how do you drink this stuff?"

"tequila's fun!" she grinned, then looked at jeonghan. "it'll be fun for you, too, if they keep taking them. thank me later."

his eyebrows raised, looking at you. "is that so?"

"speaking of," changyoon said, stacking his shot glass onto wonpil's before grabbing his beer and pushing off the bar. he pointed at jeonghan. "you, come with me. we need to chat."

"changyoon," you warned, pushing your shot glass towards the bartender, but jeonghan just grinned and pulled his hand from your back. you looked at him.

"you'll be okay without me for a second?" he asked, running a thumb over your brow to check your eyes. you stared at him, then nodded, and he smiled, gently pulling you in to place a kiss on your lips. "i'll be right back."

you watched them walk off together, claiming a standing table in the dark lounge area of the venue, and put your beer against your cheek to cool it. hyejin nudged you.

"you two are super cute," she said, giggling. "right, gyu?"

he sighed heavily. "even i can't deny it," he said, giving you a small smile. "you seem happy."

you looked between them a moment, putting your beer back down on the bar. "i guess i am happy," you said, a smile sneaking across your lips, lost in the fantasy of being half of a cute couple. "thanks."

jihoon grabbed mingyu's attention for some argument, and you giggled as you watched wonpil fight with both of them in the way only friends could, sipping gently at your beer.

"excuse me?"

you spun towards the voice, finding a woman smiling at you. her beauty distracted you from the chill on your arms - foreign, with a head of curly red hair, and you thought she could be a model with her petite figure. you blinked, confused by the flicker of worry in your mind when you met her bright eyes. "yes?"

"you guys rocked," she said, glancing at hyejin behind you before focusing on you again. "i've been trying to learn bass, and you looked so cool up there!"

you were taken aback slightly, but a smile snuck onto your lips. "thank you so much," you said, laughing lightly, your immediate reaction being to promote the band. "do you live around here? we're gonna be doing a bunch of shows in the new year."

her eyes lit up, and you realized your uneasy feeling had been recognition, her amber eyes sparkling at you. "i just moved, actually! i'd love to see you guys again!"

you faltered, unsure if you should give her more information, and you suddenly had the thought that she might have waited until jeonghan had left to approach you. she seemed harmless, but so did he, most of the time, and you hesitated to give her an ability to find you again. she looked behind you briefly and then grabbed your arm.

"hey, i'll catch you another time," she said quietly, then winked. "promise." she flashed a sharp smile before disappearing into the crowd, and you stared after her, leaning your back against the bar, trying to decide if you were just a magnet for vampires.

"holy shit, she was gorgeous," hyejin whistled, sipping her beer and looking at you. "do you think she was flirting?"

"i-" you paused, looking at your friend. "i can never tell with her type."

she giggled. "her type? what does that mean?"

you didn't explain it further, letting hyejin get distracted when mingyu took out his phone to take pictures and pulled her off to where the lighting was better, but you just sipped your beer and wondered if she, too, was looking to become human again. jeonghan walked in front of you, catching your attention, and he smiled at you.

"miss me?"

you smirked at him. "barely noticed your absence."

"ouch," he said, putting a hand over his heart, then planted an elbow on the bar, leaning against it and staring at your profile. "you okay?"

you pouted out your lips, thinking, then smiled at him, deciding it was a conversation for later. "yeah. how about you? changyoon wasn't too mean, right?"

"just the right amount of mean," jeonghan said, then sighed, adjusting the jacket on your shoulder where it was slipping off. "wanted to make sure we were using protection. i told him we haven't gotten there yet, but i didn't have the heart to tell him i shoot blanks anyways."

you sputtered out a laugh, hand planting over your mouth to quiet it. you looked at him, dropping your hand to say, "i'm so sorry."

jeonghan laughed, too. "nah, it's fine. it was kinda refreshing, i could tell he really cares about you." he tipped his head to one side. "i knew he did, from what you've told me, but it was nice to see it myself."

you bit at your lip to hide a smile. "he's a good guy."

"he is," jeonghan agreed, then exhaled dramatically. "weird that someone over three hundred years younger than me told me to call him hyung, though."

you almost snorted. "in his defense, he thinks you're hyejin's age."

"and who's fault is that?" he said, furrowing his brows at you, smiling when you giggled and hit your hand against his chest. "ah, he also threatened to kill me if i did anything to hurt you."

your eyes widened as you looked away. "that's my brother."

"foster brother," he corrected, and your eyes snapped to his at the parrot of your words the night before - less than 24 hours before, you realized, and you smiled. he smiled back. "he plays your brother well. i hope i can play your boyfriend well, too."

you glanced at the collar around his neck before you looked away, taking a sip of your beer and swallowing it harshly, reminding yourself that he wasn't with you for fun. that you had a contract. "just playing, huh?"

"hey," jeonghan put a hand on your chin, turning you back towards him. you swallowed, his eyes darting between yours before flicking down to your lips, and you felt your breath hitch. "only as long as that's what you want, master."

you stared at him. "what if i want more?" you asked, putting down your beer as you turned towards him. "what if playing isn't enough for me anymore? what if i want you to see me as more than your master?"

he adjusted, his hand running back over the sore spot on your neck, and you let your head tip to the side when it landed at your nape. "are you sure?"

"why wouldn't i be sure?" you asked, huffing lightly, and his eyes flicked to your beer on the bar. you rolled your eyes, pushing his hand away when you realized what he meant, trying to not show how hurt you felt. maybe he was right. maybe you were tipsy, and maybe you said more than you would normally, but that didn't change the truth behind your words. "whatever. nevermind."

"master," jeonghan exhaled, recognizing his mistake immediately. "i'm sorry, i didn't-"

"it's fine," you said, turning away from him, knowing the beer would taste bitter now and choosing to leave it on the counter. you thought of the night before, when you had admitted your feelings for him, and how he had completely brushed you off. you almost felt like crying, but glanced over at your friends to make sure they were properly distracted and exhaled instead. "you only want me for one thing, anyways."

"that's not-" he hesitated, his eyes shutting briefly. four hundred years of tricks and schemes, and somehow he had managed to play himself. "that's not true."

"isn't it?" you asked, looking at him. "you look delicious. you smell good. i get it, jeonghan. you're a vampire trying to become human, and i'm a witch that can help you. we can't be anything more than that, but i just wish you had thought about my feelings before you made me fall in love with you."

jeonghan pulled you towards him, his brows furrowed when he studied you, your face between his palms. "you're wrong."

you stared at him. "about what, exactly?"

"i thought about your feelings every day, and we can be more, but i've been scared of the danger that might put you in." he paused, his fingers buried against your scalp, wondering if it was your blood in his veins that made his heart beat so fast, or if it was just the way your hands ran up his chest. "and how dare you not notice that you made me fall in love with you first."

your eyes softened, flicking between his. "don't tease me."

"i'm not," he assured you, and when his lips found yours, your heart soared, his mouth kneading against yours in a way that made you melt onto his chest. he adjusted, moving so your back was against the bar again, and his palm landed on the edge just beside you, your hands running up his chest to grip at the neck of his hoodie. it felt familiar, all too similar to when he kissed you in your kitchen, but new life sewn into his lips on yours with the confession of reciprocated feelings, and you thought the butterflies in your stomach could make you float away if he didn't hold you down.

"get a room!" wonpil yelled, and you broke away for just a second to spot the rest of your band further down the bar, changyoon pointedly looking in a different direction and jihoon laughing hysterically at his expression. you just grinned, looking back at jeonghan, and the way his eyes were hooded as he gazed at you, the sideways smile on his lips never leaving, you just slipped two fingers under the dog collar around his neck, pulling him into you again.

after jeonghan had driven your properly drunken bandmates home, ending the car ride at changyoon and wonpil's place, he carried your guitar case in one hand and held yours with the other as the two of you walked to your apartment, the same route you had taken the first night you had invited him into your home. it had always been a familiar walk for you, but jeonghan smiled as he looked around, enjoying that, instead of a healthy meter away from him, you were right by his side. he had even asked if you wanted a cigarette when you left changyoon's, remembering what you had said about drinking making you crave them, but you had shaken your head, tugging on the strings of his hoodie, saying you had a different way of satisfying your oral fixation now, and he could only grin before he was drawn into you.

"do you…" you paused, looking over to him as you walked hand in hand, and he gave you a questioning look. "do you know of any other vampires in korea?"

"of course," he said casually. "celebrities that died young, entrepreneurs, scientists… we live long, so a lot of my kind spent the last hundred years building empires. some of the richest people in the world are vampires, korea's no exception."

you blinked, registering that fact. "so how come i ended up with a broke bum?"

"hey," he laughed, and you giggled along with him. "i enjoy my life of freedom. why do you ask?"

"i think i met one tonight," you said, and his hand clenched in yours, making you look at him.

his brows furrowed. "you saw a vampire?"

you faltered. "y-yeah. she seemed nice, though. i thought maybe she could tell i was a witch."

jeonghan said your name, and you nearly jumped out of your skin - it almost sounded foreign coming from his lips, in his voice. he stopped walking, and you turned towards him. "if you ever see another vampire, find me immediately."

you flinched. "jeonghan, you're scaring me."

"good," he said, stepping closer. "other vampires aren't like me, master. they're bloodthirsty and cold, and they won't stop once they start." his eyes were dark, brows knit together, expression stern, and you got chills with his words. "if you bleed in front of them, they won't be able to resist you, and they'll suck you dry."

you blinked at him, studying his eyes. you remembered the last time you had studied them on this street - one blood red and the other amber - but now, his amber eye had red bleeding into it, and you thought of how that had differed from the vampire you had seen tonight. you thought about how he had said his mother had red eyes, just like him. "you were part human when i met you, weren't you?"

he looked away, exhaling. "why do you have to be so into mysteries?" he asked. "it's impossible to keep things over your head."

"does that mean-" you paused, swallowing, unsure if you wanted the answer. "was there another-"

"yeah," he said succinctly. and your eyes met his before he spoke again. "there was another witch before you, but she's dead. i killed her."

#HAHAHAHAHA #caratwritersclub #this has been so much fun to write im not jking #and there isn't even any sex in it :sob:#yoon jeonghan scenarios #yoon jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan fluff #yoon jeonghan angst #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #i wrote dis #hannie #tyftm #that stands for thank you for the meal btw #ive been calling this jal meokgesseumnida in my head since january LMAO

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