#sorry for the amount of big tags
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TRIGGER WARNINGS/content warnings: mentions of various commonly triggering things, descriptions of car-related triggers, many stupid "get over it" phrases that might be triggering if you're a victim of something, and also mentions of suicide, just read with caution ok?
yknow, I've been thinking about PTSD lately. Specifically people's reactions to me involuntarily displaying symptoms of it (dissociating, having flashbacks that make me cry, avoiding triggers, etc).
Most of this is from people who are related to my main abusers (my parents) but they don't react this way for no reason. They were raised in a culture that thinks this way.
The reactions are all similar: when I have an involuntary or instinctual response to triggers (like the ones I mentioned above), they say that I shouldn't let these things hurt me. Want a couple more specific examples, actually?
I avoid movies with car crashes and dissociate+sometimes have flashbacks when I hear tires or brakes screeching on the street. I start to shake if someone honks their horn near me, even in a parking lot. When I do this, INVOLUNTARILY (i cannot stress it enough), my brother will say that I let it bother me too much. Other assorted reactions I've gotten to this specific circumstance have been "you need to get over this one day", "you can't just avoid cars your whole life", and paraphrased, "you need to move on", "if this bothers you you'll never survive in real life", and "you're so dramatic".
That's just with car-related triggers for my PTSD. Don't get me started with sex jokes, cigarettes, talking about wanting to hurt children, etc. And DONT get me started about people's reactions to me wanting to cut off my family.
If I talk about any of that (when it naturally comes up, usually after questions about why I don't talk to certain people from members I'm about to cut off as soon as I don't have to depend on them,) the general reactions are that I'm like a ghost. Holding onto grudges that are just hurting me, that by holding onto them I'm hurting myself pointlessly, and that if i just *tried a little harder* I could live a much more peaceful and happy life. This is in reaction, let me remind you, to things like... me being uncomfortable around cigarettes. Me flinching when I hear sex jokes. Me leaving the room when people start talking about wanting to beat up kids and strangle them. I'm holding a grudge! I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life!
That last one I get a lot, too. I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life.
Let me tell you a secret. That's why I tried killing myself. That's why I've been to crisis facilities 6 different times. That's why I've made plans to move off-grid, to move to somewhere isolated, etc. But since I'm still right fucking here, obviously I'm not going to do any of that. So why point it out? Why point that out, as though it's not something you just WITNESSED my way of coping with?
Yes, I'll be encountering PTSD triggers the rest of my life. And every time I do, I will avoid them. That's why I don't buy into the whole "just try a little harder" angle. I'm not going to waste my time and my life trying to do that. This isn't a fear. This isn't a phobia. I don't sprint the opposite direction whenever a car honks and I'm walking on the sidewalk. I still have friends who smoke various things my abusers did. My PTSD still gets triggered by it, and I still get uncomfortable when they smoke. But you know what? They're my friends. They understand that and don't get annoyed at me for being uncomfortable. My friends who make sex jokes do it even though it makes me flinch because I've made it very clear: I'm going to react to them. It's not an insult. There's no need to feel bad. It's just nature.
When you tell me to get over it, it's NOT because you care. Convince yourself that it is, but listen closely: You're making it WORSE. And people with PTSD tell you that. And you ignore them, because you don't really care. Our PTSD just makes you uncomfortable and annoyed. It's inconvenient to think about and be around.
I'm not going to brute-force my way out of having triggers. It's just not happening. I'm going to have these involuntary responses. If you're my friend, you'll deal with it and understand the truth:
It's just nature :) deal with it. It's worse for me than it is for you, you selfish person.
#ptsd#actually traumatized#actually ptsd#rant#triggers#coping mechanisms#i get to the point eventually ok#sorry for the amount of big tags#this thing doesnt have an algorithm and i want my post to be seen#you already knew that#im gonna go be normal now#normal in quotation marks
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happy (belated) valentine's day @pharawee ❤ but also @ these two idiots
#kenbig#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#kinnporsche fanart#ken kinnporsche#big kinnporsche#bl tag#userpharawee#I'm so sorry about the (lack of) background#I was going to add some details to the room but#unfortunately I am not god's strongest soldier#and this already took so long as it is -_-#anyway I love you lots and I shall deliver the appropriate amount of smooches IN PERSON on friday!!#JUST YOU WAIT (threat)
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~☀️URL Songs☀️~
The game's to use songs to spell out your URL! Then you tag as many people as there are letters in your name
I felt like I did this too quick, and tbh I would have used songs from my clown playlist if I could but none of them matched :( Except for one! >:)
Thank you so much to @hexusproductions for the tag! This was fun to do!
P - Pikebubbles by The Cardigans
A - Aquatic Mouth Dance by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Y - Yo Te Dire by Miranda!
A - Absolute Territory by Ash Kencorp
S - She's a Big Boy by Mcbaise
O - ODDTAXI by Punpee and Skirt
⭐️
G - Gordon's Garden Party by the Cardigans
O - Oh! by Shishamo
M - Me Estoy Enamorando by Inspector
I - In the Afternoon by The Cardigans
Tagged:
No pressure at all! Just if you wanna do smthing in your free time
Hell if you see this, aren't tagged, and want a shot at it, tag me I'd love to see it
@libertys-lovers @ssslep @sillysiha @white-meadow @murder-at-the-bingo-hall @underlapped
#tag game#idk if uneducated to tag people you'd like to talk to but don't for one reason or another#i'm. i'm not tagging 10 people i'm sorry#i did this in a embarrassingly short amount of time#i blacked out and this was typed out#i'm listening to a few of the songs you listed too eli#clockwork god does in fact fuck!#love a good trashcan demolishing song mm#oh uh i reccomend most of these#she's a big boy and oddtaxi are big faves tho
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splatoon idols support palestine🇵🇸
#splatoon#splatoon3#frye onaga#frye splatoon#shiver hohojiro#shiver splatoon#big man splatoon#callie splatoon#marie splatoon#pearl houzuki#pearl splatoon#marina ida#marina splatoon#palestine#free palestine#cease fire now#sorry for the amount of tags#but its important
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does anyone know where i could buy this little critter for cheap? not necessarily cheap, but the cheapest posible! even a bootleg or something of that kind is fine! as long as its from a safe, reliable site, anything works! sorry 4 asking for too much, i just reallyy want her :<
#l/n miku#leo need#leo need miku#leo/need miku#project sekai#nendoroid#figure#anime figure#project sekai figure#pjsk#pjsk figure#vocaloid#hatsune miku#miku hatsune#sorry for big amount of tags
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spiderboyspiderboy
copy-paste quick explanation bc im lazy
au where sabito was turned & something something broken memories he needed to look for someone (giyuu. he was in danger. he has to find him. has to help. protect.) & (years later) ended up meeting rui instead, stopped rui from killing demon slayers to just hide (so theyd fuck off searching for demons elsewhere instead of sending more and more at them), rui invited sabito to his family as usual but instead of drinking his blood & shifting sab finger painted the dots on and smiled at him. somthn abt off the bat he didnt bow to rui's power + he actually choses to stay by his side instead of being forced to like the others
also hes shifted to look older instead of being stuck at 13/14 and thats why he didnt want to shift like the rest of rui's family, he cant shift to look like that and look older at the same time
at some point when theyre actually close rui finds him crying in front of a full length mirror in his real form, lamenting abt how he never got to be a man in life, "i wish we could actually grow up together" (later on almost-normal mt natagumo arc happens but they get sent to tamayo instead)
#sabito#kny sabito#kny rui#(mentioned- sorry [pensive])#loverboy sabito posting#neros art tag#spider demon sabito au#giyuu suddenly has stomach problems from the amount of demons hes vouching for#shinobu wants to beat his ass for making it more and more possible to actually be friends with demons#tanjiro's too#anyway big brother sabito<3
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last metal gear drawing for a while i SWEAR
#so many brainworms sorry#mgs fan art#kaz miller#kazuhira miller#mgs pw#peace walker#mgs#metal gear#big boss#naked snake#my art#i dont know what the appropriate amount of tags is#metal gear solid peace walker
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dude I was just looking through the 'daigo dojima' tag and literally everything is you. every last photo is you. I mean thank u for providing but holy FUCK man. you need to be studied by scientists
i just got prescribed bupropion if you wanna start there
#snap chats#the MOST COURAGE THE COWARDLY D0G ASS LAUGH I LET OUT THO LMAOOOO#anyway you gotta be looking at most relevant or something cause i been slackin like a mfer with posting art#this happens whenever i start making fanart for any fandom tho. aka fanart for one character#i liken myself to a nuke tbh the second i get attached to a character/s its mental illness for two years straight#Big W for people who like my art but the worst day of their lives if not sorry the chara you like will only be drawn by me now HAHAAA#if you REALLY wanna see some bullshit im p sure most of the yamcha and/or tien tag is still me LMAOOO#been forever since i posted about them but i also posted about them A Lot#im willing to bet three cents the sawashiro/arakawa/masato tags look similar in that My City#but yeh anyway. i like daigo dojima a normal amount. many such cases with characters i like really.
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one day i'll get the brainspace and balls to draw one of my other favourite Things i see happen in the Zelink space and it will deeply wound me but so good
#the amount of times ive seen alluded to or thought as consequence of ..#like ... Link's sweet lil face with those big pretty eyes through his lashes .. leaning into Zelda's thigh ..#looking up like :3 ... soft and loving but cheeky#because u know where he gonna go ...#kissy that leggy before u dine boy lol#very PotC Leg dot Gif in this house#i stand by this 100% even if my brain is currently a dumpster lol#rory's ramblings#zelink#sorry tagging this for my own find-my-shit-again reasons
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i can never win (favourite character is the most hated in the entire fandom)
#not really engaging with j-j-k (does this censoring work for the tags idk)because of the amount of smut im sorry#i really want to but especially with the “events” of the manga i cant really get and stay hyped#maki is fucking awesome and stsg is soul crushing#i also really like yuuji megumi and nobara they are really fun#but so much keeps happening im just blegj#yes i know nor everything can have a happy ending and deaths is allowed to happen#but this is like ridiculous#strongest character literally is op just becomes broken like a kitkat#they keep throwing characters at the big bad just so they can die#eughhh#anyways i really like mahito and everyone fucking hates him
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Aight y’all so here’s the deal. Saw a lot of people in the fandom were drawing the lovely @tulipsempai’s Iris, went, “ooh that looks fun I wanna try,” and got so into designing the outfit that I had to develop a whole concept behind it. The concept? Underwater themed masquerade. (because imposter = disguises = masquerade)
#zari artz#iris the imposter#oh boy y’all here comes an over analogyyyy#ok SO. this outfit. is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever drawn but ANYWAYS#yknow what if. what if just for one night Iris added a bit of color?#and if there’s gonna be color why not do it with some glowing baubles that resemble coral and/or bubbles?#while we’re at it let’s add a wide brimmed hat (for obvious reasons) and a big ol’ feather for that musketeer vibe#she’s holding a paintbrush#the dress kinda looks like a spider web (a web of deception if you will)#she’s painted waves in one arm. seaweed on the other. octopus tentacles around her neck like a necklace and bubbles on her face#truly went all out for the underwater thing#y’all when I tell you I had insane amount of joy from making this-#masquerade style outfits make me so happyyyyyy#there’s typos in the tags but they’ll lose the sincerity if I retype them so for all you human Grammarlies like me I’m sorry ;0;
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seeing people be like 'omg i can't believe people are shipping kaito with himself omg they're repeating onceler/sans.........' bc people are shipping the Project Sekai KAITO's and i'm just
hand on ur shoulder
tell me you're new to vocaloid stuff without telling me, kaito x kaito has been around for longer than undertale has been out, and possibly longer than the modern Lorax has been out too
KAITO 1.1 and 1.0, the colorful KAITO Fanmades... the Project Diva modules, KAITO V1 and V3... and now, the Project Sekai KAITO's...
It's not repeating, it's convergent evolution. KAITO has been Onceler / Sans before Onceler / Sans was a thing.
#[ ;text ]#vocaloid#kaito#this is just really funny to me i'm sorry and i'm mostly tagging this because it is and also cursed comparison but like i'm not wrong#i'm also not saying people can't find it weird bc yeah#the amount of red squiggles tumblr is giving me with this is giving me big 'none of these words are in the bible' vibes
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35. How do they feel about the fact that they've killed a lot of people and/or things?
Nailah's been a mercenary most of her life. She knows she's good at it and carries herself as a consummate professional - it's her life or theirs and she has work to do, it's not personal.
This is what she's told herself, anyways.
Truthfully, Nailah struggles with seeing worth in herself under all the blood on her hands. There's a lot of unspoken survivor's guilt just under the surface, bubbling up whenever things are a little too quiet.
#answered asks#thank you for the ask! im sorry it took so long!!! aaaaa!!!!!#ive rewritten this dozens of times bc the words havent been quite right orz#im still not perfectly happy... but i need to post something its been more than a week ;-;#oc: hrothwol#okay ramble time#you know the scene in post-arr#where the wol is waiting to meet someone before the big banquet#and they guilt-daydream a procession of corpses in front of them of all the lives they've taken?#how it suggests this festering guilt that's never really faced or dealt with?#that's probably my favorite small moment in all arr#and that simmering sense of guilt stays with nailah like a stain#she eventually learns how to cope with it but it never really leaves#the sheer amount of blood on her hands helps push her to learn healing#so she can do some good for once in her life#(to her eyes at least - she needs the concrete small-picture reassurance)#(rather than vapid 'oh youre a hero :D' bc she really doesnt respond well to that)#...if you read all these tags i appreciate you ;-;
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So here’s a lil idea, maybe a mythology au or something, megs a chonky beast/creature and I like to think maybe someone (sounds or Optimus ,) finds megs in a trap injured, and sounds or Oppy. Release his foot and patch him up and gives him a meal. Megs is suspicious at first, wandering is pois/oned but a beast of his size needs to eat, and put on some fat for winter. And thus they feed a beastly megs. (I know this is kinda off the rails/au stuff i hope you don’t mind me sharing)
I dont mind it at all^^ I like seeing what other people come up with!
This took a while since I didn’t know what creature to make Megs as so I went with a some wolf-like beast.
(I’m sorry it took so long to write fndnnsksms- )
The large wolf like being sat on the couch, a blanket around him as Opti/mus fed him meat slices.
Sound/wave stares in shocked silence.
“We’re keeping him.” “ABSOLUTELY NOT-“
They let Mega/tron stay for the winter…..and probably more.
Mega/tron would growl at the food, suspicious, before deciding to eat it. Living with them and having access to more food and snack ended up plumping him a lot more than before.
They spoil and force him to exercise. In the end, Mega/tron’s belly is full everyday…..and more during colder times
#chubby warlord#chubformers#s.w the feeder☆#feeder truck dad tag☆#belly kink#This took an embarrassingly long amount of time to write I’m so sorry Anon ;;;;;;;;#re wrote it 3 times and I’ll just publish this one before I change my mind again lol#anyway werewolf Megs with a big tummy<333
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i'm probably the only splatoon veteran in the entire fandom to have deep cut as their favorite idol group /hj
#teespeak#splatoon#deep cut#splatoon idols#idk how to explain it they're legit just so cool#even though we haven't seen too much of their lore yet (which is a damn SHAME) they just stand out to me#i love the different take their charas have on the splatoon-usual Hyper Girl Chill Girl dymanic#shiver is a cringefail goofy mf that takes themself too seriously#frye is a cool person who fully embraces their bubbly and- dare i say- quirky personality (for lack of a better word)#and BIG MAN? completely new addition thrown into the mix#like he's the first male idol. first non-humanoid idol. AND the first third idol. dude got it all#also he's just a hilarious character like idk i just love him#this is an inhumane amount of tags sorry i just gotta defend deep cut from the mfs that say they have no personality
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Magic after running from one new authority figure to another so he can shed responsibility from his actions when his consequences catch him anyway: 🥺
#the amount of big sad ol nervous puppydog magic eyes ive seen in episode one season 2 ALONE ??#when he whimpered and whined for that lady to at least finish him off after she stopped bcs the cast was giving her rug burn lol#he just Gets things that no one else does#and doesnt get what everyone else does#he is the triumphs and the tribulations of a leo and i hate him i hate him i hate him so bad#i need someone to kiss his lil slope nose ugh im sorry yall but uhmm SOMEBODY needs to create a winning time#fanfic tag like PLEASE#ALSO I THINK HE WAS WATCHING ISIAH ON TV. REAL. ISIAH MOMENT#a little red jersey man with curly hair...... omg u guys.#MY CRUMBS!!!#i feel like spongebob pointing at himself poking out a bit in the commercial#ZEKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#( replayed old basketball footage bcs he doesnt have an actor yet but we can excuse this with magic just watching on a tv for some reason )#early jealousy plot in action WHEN??? HUH!!#anyways i think uhmm norm magic kareem and cooper should have a foursome that starts as survival then ends soft#and then i think uhmmm magic isiah michael pippen should have one while dennis watches in the corner like a weird critter#who occasionally comes up to touch a butt sometimes#sorry sorry ill put a cap on my truth#the world is not ready#fhe world is not ready.....#bill laimbeer and isiah have s*x while dennis watches secretly fanfiction written by dennis
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