#not as much now that everyone understands how sick I am
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I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.
Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx
that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention
So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!
so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.
I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.
There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.
I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.
sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!
I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout!
again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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we're watching encanto cuz I asked to and we're at the party scene where they play the specific version of the song that stuck with me after we watched it the first time (cuz it's also played over the credits). got kinda overwhelmed cuz we made it home. that was the first time he stayed over and we left for california shortly after. now we're home and we live with him.
#also luisa's song is. extremely relatable.#not as much now that everyone understands how sick I am#but. back then.#when I was keeping half a dozen people alive unsupported.#and sometimes now too when I handle every crisis.#and mirabela being blamed for everything for really no reason at all. but everyone else goes along with it.
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Ur 20s are just discovering new types of isolation and sadness every day. Life is beautiful and glory glory glory amen. but also. What the fuck am I doing wrong
U know when u finally meet up with friends and everything just feels terrible and distant and things weren't /bad/ but they sure weren't good either? And you leave feeling worse than you did when you arrived? And you realize how little in common you have? And your concerns and priorities and interests are so violently divergent? And you wonder was it always this way? Or have things changed that dramatically? Have /I/ changed that dramatically? Have I been so isolated the last years of covid with tumblr friends being some of my only contact with ppl my age that I got so used to having people wild about the same intersection of concerns that I don't know how to deal with "normal" concerns anymore? Or has it always been this way? Were conversations about boyfriends and buying condos and yet another international vacation always this soulless??? This empty? This isolating?
I don't want to say like. Oh my friends are so detached from my lived reality and their concerns about wealth are so far removed from mine. As is their relationship stuff. And their family stuff. And sometimes they seem a little cruel and judgemental. Not to me. But to the world at large. And I don't have space for that kind of casual callousness in my heart anymore? And maybe IM the judgemental pretentious one, constantly stuck in a little introspective loop, so utterly disconnected. But maybe I'm not. Surely it's not better to live emotionally and spiritually emptier, even if it seems to an outsider more fulfilling. Or maybe the shared grad school experience was the common thread and it was always going here when we left school.
I love them dearly, but I don't KNOW them anymore it feels. Everything is so surface level. And theres nothing wrong with casual friends for dinner and terrible movies once a month. I just. Didn't expect it here.
#franposting#i don't know. i dont know#i always just feel so sick with it#whats worse is this made me APPRECIATE my family#and think oh theyre not that bad#my parents arent bad ppl jist bad parents#and now im like. well theyre shallow. but maybe everyone is#and once again. i am asking. where is my bff roomate(s) life partner(s)#its SO isolating#yes yes deep human desire to be seen and known and loved etc etc#and its universal and im not special#and im actually being pretentious and judgmental#i am trying to hard#but i feel So isolated#and i dont. i dont understand the casual callousness#how can you exist and not care? about everyone else and the world and every individual#how can there not be so much love and care and desire that youre aching and overflowing with it#how do you just. live? with no broader existential/moral/spiritual concerns#not even in a religious way! even just a secular humanist way#i dont understand and i think theres something wrong with mr#not special. just wrong. and im an odd duck and its fine (its not)#uguughihjihbiugzh im going to wash the restaurant smell out of my hair#open a cider. play video game. maybr watch snk. just. get out of my head#there is so much more to human existence and it aches#im going to end up like kierkegaard. so obsessed with introspection that i become an insane loner and drive everyone away ruin everything#except he was SMART. im useless dumb of ass#oh spotify were IN IT NOW
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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i dont know if i ever mentioned this but a couple months ago i finally tried downloading a dating app and it was so heinous everyone was cringy ugly or republican just like i feared i literally swiped left on every choice didnt speak to anyone cause they were all insufferable and i was left with nothing so i just deleted the profile in the end and called it a day. so like. there i tried it. now what
#my sister wont listen to me complain abt being single cause 'i dont put myself out there'#but look! i did it and it was just as bad as i thought! what the hell am i supposed to do now..#she said it's because i put my distance range too low but i already know nobody likes driving to get me for any reason#so......idk i think i am just doomed to this cell forever#im sick of being alone and i feel like so much of my youth has already been wasted#like!!! im so old!!! and i havent done ANYTHING!!! im so scared!!!!!!!!!!! and nobody understands!!!#i dont get how everyone around me is in a happy loving relationship and im not allowed
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They are Looking
#Tuvok's pose is so weird /affectionate#they all look kinda cute here idk why it's like they're kids staring at a worm#'Hey Chakotay come look at this! Found something weird.'#Imagine if that fucking pan flute was diegetic#Tuvok: Commander look at this#Chakotay: -looks-#Neelix: What's that noise?#Tuvok: A pan flute. It means he is remembering something. It happens every time.#Chakotay's dad is fucking killing it in that fit though....he said 'I am an adventure guy and EVERYONE needs to know it on SIGHT'#teen Chakotay's casting is really good~!#screenshot#Hehehe I like how Neelix follows Tuvok around...doesn't seem to be doing much just there for moral support#Tuvok got into that elevator very smoothly...so elegant#Aww HEHE the 'I breed orchids too!' scene was v nice#Tuvok slowly looking down at Neelix's hand I can hear him going 'touching me....why is he touching me....'#and Chakotay's laughing to himself~#Chakotay: You guys are the flower squad now :) get to work flower boys :)#liveblogging#Doctor's also being cute...Kes was like 'I wish you'd have more compassion! Maybe if you were sick you'd understand'#and even though he thinks its gonna be no problem (bc he doesn't know what being sicks means or is! He's just a baby!)#He /does/ immediately go 'Kes look~!!! I'm sick just like you said~!!'#O H MYGOD WHAT??? SULU KNEW TUVOK AND CHAKOTAY??? Hahaha...aww they could have met~ (I know they didn't though)#Oh I was wondering how young starfleet academy students were! Chakotay can enter at 15 ... damn theyreally have these kids for LIFE huh#H EY CHAKOTAY....I KNOW WHY BUT ALSO...IT'S /WILD/ TO THINK GETTING NAKED MAKES YOU /LESS/ THREATENING#If I saw a weird alien and that weird alien stripped and started yelling about how I had nothing to fear I'd definitely not believe them
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.
#today on: Allie Liveblogs Her Parents’ Divorce:#two and a half fucking hour long phone call with my dad about how he thinks my mom is the problem#in the INSANE dynamic they have going on with his 24 year old lesbian employee who is LIVING WITH THEMMMMMMM#and him doing his signature I Am Just A Reasonable Man Perceiving The Situation Objectively shtick#us both mouthing I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!!!! at the phone#ohhhhhh he wanted us to say she should just get over her frustration and then there wouldn’t be a problem#and she shouldn’t be frustrated in the first place because the problems Aren’t Even Legitimate Problems Because They Could Be Worse#and like. my mom has been bringing up divorce to us since 2019 and he has expressed that he wants to improve the marriage recently#and they uh. got married due to a miscommunication and are entirely incompatible LOL like i’ve been Trying but this call made me feel like…#Its So Over My Dudes#but apparently he thinks their marriage is NOT on thin ice it’s a 9/10#revised to ‘idk MAYBE it’s an 8/10’ when he told us he doesn’t think. in 34 years. they have ever had a two sided conversation…#they Have Never Once Had A Conversation by his recounting. thats not true but it IS an insane thing to say STEVE#ohhhhhh he makes me mad ohhhhh i’ve been in my Dad Anger era for a couple months and he brought it to the SURFACE tonight babey!!!!!!!!!#ohhhhhhhh he does not respect his wife he does not try to understand her he does not think of her as a real person#and i mean. she’s nuts and takes her feelings out on everyone around her!!! she is only just now seeking to manage her adhd#but she tries so hard for him and he’s just. full of shit and i’m sick of him. ok cutting myself off but this has been:#ALHPD#which will be the tag now ig if anyone wants to mute LOL#ohhhhhhhhhh this has dealt me so much psychic damage i have so much evil energy now lmao#ohhhhhh 🔪🔪🔪👨🏻🪚🪚🪚#🔨🔨🔨🔨#🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪📈📈📈📈📈📈📈📈#ok that’s all
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LOVE STORY, M. VERSTAPPEN.
PAIRING. max verstappen x female reader.
SUMMARY — Going out on dates with Max means taking a lot of pictures to share them on Instagram. Max has never complained, in fact, he's more than happy to show the world just how much he enjoys every single one of those dates.
GWEN'S RADIO MESSAGE. requested by @amoosarte "reader and max go out a ton dates during winter break, with max posing awkwardly while reader is taking picture every second if they go on a date, so max switched it around and take a bunch of photos of her and it's just so adorable and he's so whipped?" i had so much fun looking for max and his gf's pictures because he's literally the 🧍♂️emoji in every single one of their pics. so sorry it took me so long to answer this, i hope you like it!
yourusername
Liked by maxverstappen1, gigihadid and 989,562 others
yourusername Hello, Paris! Winter break has started and what a better way to celebrate than with a first date in the city of love with this handsome man. 💋🤍
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user01 relationship goals
user02 forever grateful with for giving us max content
landonorris thanks for not taking your child with you.
yourusername what don't you understand about romantic holiday? we don't want u here
⤷ landonorris wait did you hear that? it was my heart breaking. completely shattered. 😞
maxverstappen1 you're welcome! 😁👊
⤷ landonorris i always knew you never wanted me
user03 the pov girlies of tiktok are gonna have a feast
user04 MY PARENTS
francisca.cgomes come and visit, i miss you!
yourusername just let me get rid of max first and i'll come to you, baby
maxverstappen1 stop trying to steal my gf from me
⤷ francisca.cgomes she wants me
user05 the second pic is so pinterest coded
user06 max not wearing red bull merch? am i dreaming?
user07 the girlfriend effect is real
maxverstappen1 everyone needs to know that we walked around paris for hours trying to find that coffee place you wanted to try. i feet still hurt!
yourusername you love me
⤷ maxverstappen1 shut up
yourusername
Liked by maxverstappen1 and 771,628 others
yourusername Everything's better if I'm with you.
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user08 omg im gonna cry they look so cute
user09 THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER
user10 sleeping on the highway sounds like a good idea
danielricciardo disgusting
yourusername you're just jealous
charles_leclerc went on holiday without me? :(
landonorris they left me too
⤷ yourusername OH SHUT UP
⤷ landonorris NEVER.
maxverstappen1 you can join us in st. tropez
⤷ landonorris can i join too?
danielricciardo already packing
pierregasly count me in
oscarpiastri @/danielricciardo pick me up
maxverstappen1 I WAS TALKING TO CHARLES
user11 sick and tired of not having my own max verstappen
user12 obsessed with max "heart eyes" verstappen
user13 HE LOVES HER SM
yourusername
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yourusername We had a reservation at a fancy restaurant today but instead of dressing up, we chose to stay home and build a flower bouquet out of Legos. 🥺🤍
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user14 they 😭 stayed home 😭 instead
georgerussell63 donuts are not on his diet.
maxverstappen1 SHUT UP GEORGE
yourusername it's winter break ge, he's allowed
⤷ maxverstappen1 yeah baby defend me
user15 why is no one talking about MAX'S CHEST ON DISPLAY?????
user16 oh she knows what she's doing
⤷ yourusername no idea what you're talking about. 🤭
user17 i am BEGGING you to stop i'm too single for this
user18 MY OH MY
user19 yn's comment section always delivers
user20 happy for them and not at all jealous
yourusername
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yourusername 🖤🖤🖤
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user21 kill me now please i can't leave knowing i'll never find someone who loves me as much as max loves y/n
user22 THE WAY HE'S GRABBING HER LEG?
user23 MR. VERSTAPPEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING
alex_albon where did you two go
yourusername you've reached y/n's voicemail please speak after after the tone
oscarpiastri please remember i'm sharing a wall with you
charles_leclerc good luck mate
yukitsunoda0511 i have earplugs if you need some
⤷ maxverstappen1 WTF YUKI
user24 WHAT IS GOING ON AAAA
user25 i can't keep lying to myself. i want a relationship like the one max and y/n have like you can clearly see how much they love each other
user26 OBSESSED WITH THIS DATE SAGA PLS DON'T STOP
maxverstappen1
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maxverstappen1 I just couldn't leave you without showing you my POV.
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user27 OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MYD SJDJHSDJKN
user28 all men should be like max verstappen
yourusername i didn't even notice you taking half of these. words cannot express how much i love you.
user29 "my pov" MY PARENTS
landonorris you actually made her look pretty
yourusername i'll cut the brakes of your car
⤷ landonorris THIS IS ATTEMPTED MURDER
user30 they're so adorable its disgusting
user31 i'm 100% sure their friends are so sick of them
charles_leclerc yes
pierregasly you're right
landonorris i throw up every time i see them
georgerussell63 finally someone understands
user32 STOP THIS MADNESS
user33 oh she has him wrapped around her finger
© verstappen-cult, 2024. — do not repost plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.
#꒰꒰ 📁 ─ verstappen cult files ꒱꒱#max verstappen x reader#f1 x reader#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x you#f1 imagine#f1 smau
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·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ enemies to lovers
.ೃ࿐ adam x fem!reader .ೃ࿐
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
summary: in which you and adam find out you don't hate each other as much as you think you do
cw: NSFW, fem!reader, p in v, oral (fem recieving), creampie, adam (he's his own warning), hair pulling, semi-public sex, cussing
a/n: FINALLY DONE !! first smut fic though, so apologies if some things dont make sense :(
you hated adam. you hated his cocky attitude and his fuckboy persona. and most of all, you hated how everyone stayed quiet about it.
him being the first man didn't mean jack shit to you. if he was being an egotistical asshole? you won't hesitate to put him in his place. even if that meant starting an argument in front of the promenade, putting your hatred for one another on display.
adam, on the other hand, loved someone who could match his abrasive attitude. and it meant more that you went out of your way to shout insults at him every chance you got. to be honest? it turned him on. but he would rather die then admit that.
during meetings, you two would bicker non-stop, shooting daggers at each other from across the table.
so yes, everyone and their mothers knew about you and adam's ongoing feud.
what did everyone also know? the unspoken sexual tension between you two. the tension so thick it was tangible. the tension everyone knew about except the two idiots who claimed they hated each other. even lute was getting sick of it.
"what a bitch, am i right?" "yes, sir." "she's just salty because i'd never go for a cunt like her," "mhm, sir." "maybe i sho-" "you know what i just remembered? sera saying she had something to discuss with me. ill be leaving now, sir." adam shot her a confused look. it wasnt like lute to walk out on a conversation so abruptly. (spoiler alert, she just didnt want to hear adam talk about you for the millionth time today) "well, uh, shit, okay."
upon leaving, adam bumped into a familiar face.
"well, well, well, if it isn't-" you slid right past him, ignoring any advance he'd tried making towards you. "what the fuck?" adam's face grew warm from embarrassment. did you just ignore him? he planted himself in front of you, hoping to make a statement. his tall figure hovered over yours. "ignoring me, hm? is that any way to treat the first man?" he teased. you sighed and rubbed your forehead in annoyance before answering, "if by 'first man' you mean 'overly-confident egomaniac' then yes." that's what adam liked about you; you didnt kiss his ass 24/7 like all the other angels. you didnt crave his approval. "i seriously don't understand how people can tolerate being around you," you groaned.
"oh fuck off, the ladies love me," he grinned. "especially in be-" you threw your hand to cover his mouth. "ugh, spare me the details, you gross fuck." your statement only widened his shit-eating grin. "why, jealous?" he teased, dragging on the s. "fuck, no! i feel bad for all the women you've slept with, they've probably faked all their orgasms as to not hurt your fragile ego." you retorted. adam's smirk dropped. he couldn’t BELIEVE you thought he was incapable of pleasuring a woman. luckily for you, his anger quickly turned to interest as an idea popped up in adam's head. he leaned into your ear, voice low and husky, "you wanna bet on that?"
taken aback from his sudden offer , you backed up until your back hit the wall of the alley you two were in. “what,” you breathed, “are you on about?”
“if i can make you cum,” adam started, “you have to admit that one; im the dick-fuckin’-master, and two; i AM capable of pleasuring a woman. deal?” adam's said a ton of dumb shit, but this? you let out a boisterous laugh. “are you serious?” but after a few beats of unearthly silence, thats when you knew he was. “well, shit.” you did want a chance at proving him wrong and taking down his ego. to be fair, no one’s made you cum in a long, long time. and you were always up for a challenge.
you grabbed adam by the collar and dragged him down to your level.
“deal.”
———————————————————————
thats how you found yourself up against a wall, being eaten out by the first man, the first soul in heaven, and your well-known rival.
you didnt want to admit it, but god, this man was good with his tongue. not to mention his hands.
he gripped your thighs tightly, spreading them apart and smirking up at you. your flustered face drove him mad, only fueling his desire for you. its not his fault you looked so fuckin’ cute. maybe he should get you like this more often…
adam shamelessly licked up and down your entrance, earning small involuntary whimpers from you. he dragged his hand down your thigh to rub circles on your clit, making you twitch under his touch. “taste so fuckin’ good,” he growled. wanting more, you tugged at his hair, forcing his tongue to prod at your cunt. “impatient, are we? and to think you hated me.”
it was like he was waiting for this exact moment; for adam ate like a man starved. like he hadn’t eaten in days, and you were the only thing that could nourish him.
suddenly, he sunk his long tongue into your clit, “shit, adam!” he smirked against your cunt. “enjoying y’self, babe?” “f-fuck—haah—you!” was all you can manage, before he sunk his tongue deeper into you, fingers now circling your clit twice as fast. “dont worry, tits, you’ll be doing that in a bit.”
it wasnt long before you had cum all over his tongue and face, panting like a maniac. you had already lost the bet, but you didnt care. nor had any of you two mentioned it. lost in a drunken haze, all you wanted was his cock buried inside of you.
you quickly recovered from your high and grinded against his painfully hard erection. “s-shit, babe, didn’t take you for a desperate whore,” adams words were slurred, his need for you fogging his brain. “s-shut up,” you retorted “looks like you can still talk back,” he grinned. “i’ll fuck that bratty attitude out of you.” “youve yet to do so,” you teased. “you bluffing, dickmaster?” oh, now you’ve got him in a chokehold.
those would be your famous last words, before adam would recklessly pound into you.
adam quickly undid his boxers, revealing his hard cock, precum already spilling from his tip. you thought he was joking when he called himself the ‘dickmaster.’ you silently wondered how that would fit inside of you. “see how fuckin’ worked up you get me, tits?” adam babbled.
he bent you over, your wrists just above your head.
you were about to reply with a snarky comeback when he pushed his cock into you, no warning beforehand.
“i fuckin’ knew it,” he said. “tight as shit. bet no one’s fucked you as good as im about to, huh?” you wanted to respond, to deny his accusations, but the only sounds that left your mouth were desperate moans and whimpers. it was like music to his ears, fueling him to fuck you brainless.
his large size stung, but pain quickly turned to pleasure when he began to move.
he picked up his pace, pounding into you brutally. it was oh, so sinful. but adam would go to hell anyday if that meant he could have your tight little cunt all to himself.
adam took a fistful of your hair, forcing your back to arch. when you didnt protest, adam threw a line of praise at you. “there we go, good fuckin’ girl, just like that…” the position you were in was a bit uncomfortable, but you quickly stopped paying attention to that when adam thrusted into you sharply. “s-so good f’me,” he babbled.
you knew he was almost at his peak when his thrusts grew sloppy. “shit, almost there, fuck!” he groaned. “m-me too, adam, fuck,”
in one deep thrust, he buried himself inside of you, spilling his cum. you felt your stomach grow warm, full of adam’s seed.
adam was still inside of you, even after you both had came. there were no sounds other than your pants and his huffs. thank god this was an empty street.
finally, he pulled out of you. you whined at the loss of contact, earning you a cheeky grin.
“so,” he said, breaking the silence. “how was that for pleasuring a woman, hmmm?” adam smirked. “still hate me?”
“always, just a little less now.”
#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin hotel x reader#adam hazbin#hazbin hotel adam x reader#adam x reader#hazbin hotel alastor#angel dust#hazbin lucifer#smut#dickmaster#hazbin hotel lute#sir pentious#charlie morningstar#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x you#adam x you#x reader
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Hello, how are you? Could you write a wife G!p Wanda x preggo f reader. Where wanda is very jealous and possessive with reader if shes near other people. If you're not comfortable don't worry ^^
Mine, All Mine | Wanda Maximoff
Warnings: enchanted strap, blow jobs, whiny cummy Wanda.
AN: the people voted and enchanted strap won, so I’m sorry I changed it from g!p. I hope you still like it!
•
“Wanda, I’m okay.” I assured her, rubbing the back of her hand softly with my thumb.
“You’re pregnant. You shouldn’t be doing anything strenuous.”
“A party isn’t strenuous.” I giggled, kissing her cheek. “We’re gonna have a good time.”
“If you feel sick or tired or wanna go home, just let me know and we’ll leave.”
“Baby, I’ll be fine. You worry too much.”
“I worry because you’re carrying my child. I can’t help but worry.”
“I know, but it’s just a small get together with your superhero friends.”
“It’s never small when it comes to Tony.” She grumbled and I couldn’t help but smile at her pout.
“You never know. He may surprise you.”
The rest of the drive was quiet, a comfortable silence washing over us. Her right hand remained on my thigh as she drove and I drew little shapes on it with my fingertips, trying my best to keep her calm.
When we got there, she parked and rushed out of the car before I could even say anything, opening the door for me and helping me out.
“I’m not that pregnant, Wanda.” I said with a chuckle, taking hold of her hand as we walked towards Avengers Tower.
“But you will be and I wanna be ready for when you are.”
I shook my head at her words, unable to believe how she was acting over my pregnancy. I knew she was protective of me even without a baby inside me, so it was clear that her overprotective nature was running on overdrive.
Once we entered and reached the floor that the party was being held on, we were instantly greeted by everyone congratulating us and wanting to touch my stomach.
Wanda instantly turned red, literally, and everyone knew to back off.
“Wanda,” I scolded her. “Relax.”
“How can I relax when everyone is trying to touch you?” She hissed into my ear and I shivered at the tone of her voice.
“They’re just excited.” I returned my attention to the crowd who were now just talking amongst themselves. “One of their baby members is having a baby.”
“I am not the baby here.” She argued and I laughed at her reaction. “Of course you’re not, my love.”
Natasha walked from the group of huddled up people back to us, smiling as she approached.
“Congratulations, Y/N, Wanda.” She took a sip of her drink. “When are you due?”
“The sixteenth of August.” I smiled brightly.
Wanda tugged on my hand and I ignored her, knowing she was just being ridiculous. It was Natasha, not some stranger.
“You okay there, Wands?” She asked and Wanda nodded curtly.
“She’s just a little moody.” I spoke for her, giving her hand a pat. “She didn’t want me to come tonight.”
“Oh? Why not?”
I gestured to everyone around us and she nodded in understanding. She knew how Wanda could be and she could only imagine how bad it was now that there was a baby on the way.
“Don’t worry, Wanda. I’ll let everyone know to relax with the touching and the questions.”
“Thank you.” I said as she walked away, Wanda’s grip on my hand loosening as we were left alone. “Are you really that upset about us being here?” I questioned her and her gaze fell to the ground. “We can leave, baby. I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about this.”
“No, it’s fine.” She said softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “You wanted to be here and … I guess I need to get used to people being around you and the baby.”
I nodded, giving her a sympathetic look before leading her over to where Tony and Steve were standing, nursing drinks and talking. I figured if we were going to leave early, which was very likely, we would have to at least speak to the host once.
“Y/N.” Tony greeted me. “Wanda. Nice light show you put on earlier. If I had known you were gonna do that I would’ve canceled the entertainment for tonight.”
Her eyes darkened and I chuckled nervously before Steve gave him a little nudge.
“Don’t listen to him, Wanda.” He said, extending his hand to her. “Congratulations.”
After a moment of staring daggers at Tony, she took Steve’s hand, shaking it.
“Thank you.” She smiled slightly. “We’re very excited.”
“As are we all.” Tony raised his glass in a toast. “To the new little Avenger.”
Wanda puffed out her chest, about to speak, before I squeezed her hand, reminding her to relax.
“I actually plan on retiring once the baby comes.” She said through gritted teeth. “The baby will have a normal life.”
He tilted his head at her, taking a gulp of his drink.
“If you say so, witchy.”
•
“Wanda, are you okay?” I asked softly, watching as she unlocked the front door and opened it, letting me walk in first.
“I’m fine.”
If she were a cartoon character, she’d be bright red with smoke coming out of her ears.
“I’m just …” She threw her hands up in frustration. “I can’t get over the fact that so many people were all over you.”
“They weren’t all over me.” I said softly.
“I’m just not used to people being all over my wife and baby.”
I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her close so I could kiss her.
“It’s only temporary. Once the baby is born we’ll be off in our own little world with nobody to bother us. But, right now …”
I ran my hands down her shoulders to her arms, taking her hands in my own before getting down on my knees in front of her, biting my lip as I undid the button on her pants.
“Y/N … you shouldn’t …”
“Shh,” I tugged on her pants and panties, exposing her pussy to me. “Bring it out.”
I looked up at her, watching as she bit her bottom lip, her eyes closing as a red colored cock emerged from between her legs, twitching with arousal. I smiled up at her and took her hardness in my hand, running my fingers along the tip, spreading her precum along her shaft.
“If … you feel like you c-can’t …” she stuttered softly and I ignored her, slipping her into my mouth.
She moaned, desperately gripping at my hair as I bobbed up and down along her length. I could feel her throbbing against my tongue and I couldn’t help but groan at the taste of her. Even though it wasn’t a real dick, it still tasted like her, felt like her, and she felt everything I did to it, which made this even more exciting.
“I-I’m gonna cum, baby.” She whimpered softly, running her fingers through my hair as her hips thrust up against my face.
She made a slight attempt to pull away from me and I grabbed her thighs, keeping her still. I wanted her to cum inside my mouth; I wanted all of her. Her hips bucked, her legs twitching as she came, her cum spurting down my throat and spilling out of my mouth. I did my best to swallow all of it, but there was so much and she was just cumming and cumming and …
She let out a breathy whimper, her brow furrowing as I continued to suck her off, taking all of her in my mouth.
“Y/N … I need …” I knew what she needed.
I let her slip out of my mouth, panting softly as I took her in my hand, stroking her length until she hardened again. She was so receptive to me, so reactive, and I loved that about her.
I licked the tip of her cock, smiling when I heard her breathy moan, her little intake of breath as I continued to take her inch by inch into my mouth again.
She let out a mewl as I swirled my tongue around her length, and I happily sucked on the tip, as if she’d be the last thing I’d ever have in my mouth.
“Y/N,” she whined, gripping desperately at my hair. “Don’t stop.”
I took her as deeply as I could, tears pricking at my eyes as she touched the back of my throat. She twitched and throbbed against my tongue as she came again, her throaty whimpers and moans almost pushing me over the edge too.
“Baby … detka …” she finally spoke again, her voice low and accent thick. “I love you.”
I smiled up at her, lips and chin covered in her cum, and licked at the remains.
“I love you more.”
#oizysian writes#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wanda maximoff x y/n#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff smut#wanda maximoff
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Hiiii I’m new to ur page but such a huge fan of ur writing already, ur so talented. Could u maybe do one with Spencer where he thinks reader doesn’t fully understand how much he loves them so he goes on a rant about how deeply connected he feels to them, and how he pictures life with them etc??
Pls forgive me if this is a weird ask, I’m slightly new to fanfic culture lmao
thank you! ♡
"It's not a small thing," Spencer's saying.
Honestly, you've been half catatonic against his side for an hour watching Ancient City reruns while he fact checks the conspiracy theorists —nothing feels big now besides the urge to nap on him. You already knew that the pyramid wasn't built by aliens, and Spencer has the facts to prove it.
He's quite passionate about it, apparently. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you?" he asks.
"Yeah," you mumble, digging your face further into his arm. Comfiest boyfriend ever. Spencer's arm tugs up and over your shoulders to hug you closer, your eyes shutting of their own accord at the increase in cosiness. "I do. Promise"
"Good! Because I worry sometimes that you don't get it."
"Of course I get it, angel," you say, wrapping your arm across his stomach. Exhausted, you lift yourself up to press a quick kiss to his chin before giving in to fatigue and squishing your face against his shoulder. "It's the Egyptians, we did this in middle school."
He doesn't hear your mumbling, far too wrapped up in his rant. "Everyone says that nothing else compares, and you believe them, but you don't really get it until you're there. Until you're actually feeling it."
"You've been to the pyramids?" you ask, more to yourself than him.
"Beauty's just one fraction of it, too. It's a nicely sized fraction, I promise, but when you compare it to everything else… there's just so much there. I feel it in my chest sometimes when I'm talking to you, it honestly makes me feel a little sick, but in a good way?"
You hum appreciatively, murmuring, "It's a beautiful place. So much culture and history."
"It's like we're connected, like we're magnets. It's a pull." Spencer rubs the place between your shoulders exactly the way you like. You'd fall asleep from his loving ministrations, but he's starting to sound super intense, almost too intense, a hair's width from stressed.
You had no idea Spencer was this passionate about Egyptian landmarks.
"That's nice, honey," you say, trying to mask your apprehension.
Spencer cups the back of your head, the scratch of his stubble catching your softer skin as he talks, "I think about you and me and it feels right. I picture our life together automatically, there's no other possibilities for me. I love you so much and I know you said you get it, but I don't think you do. It doesn't feel real to me how much I care about you."
There's a subtle roughness to his voice as he hugs you.
You weasel yourself backward in the circle of his arms to look him up at his pretty face, perplexed. "Are you talking about me?"
"Yeah. Of course I am. Who else would I be talking about?" he asks, mirroring your frown.
You glance at the TV. It's on mute. "I thought you were still talking about the pyramids, Spence," you say, turning back to him. "You were really talking about me?"
"You'd hope," he says, twisting his finger into your shirt sleeve. Spencer laughs, a belly of a sound with shaking shoulders and bouncing curls. "Can you imagine if I felt that deeply about the pyramids? I mean, they're really interesting. They're still uncovering secret tunnels inside Giza with no clear openings or exits, believed to lead to hidden rooms." He squeezes your arm. "That would be a really cool place to vacation."
You take a moment to stare at him. You don't really get it until you're there. Until you're actually feeling it. It's like we're connected, like we're magnets. It's a pull. Spencer's been penning a love letter to you for the last five minutes and you were too dozy to get it the first time.
You cup his face in both hands, your fingers perched against high cheekbones, threading into soft curls as you brush them from his face. "I love you that much, too," you say softly.
"I know that. I was making sure that you knew it was mutual. I'd build pyramids for you." He pulls your hands from his face to hold. "You're way more tired than I thought."
"'M not that tired," you lie, settling back into his chest. Your voice is imbued with a sickly, almost smug type of love. "You're just comfortable."
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader
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The real thing- Theodore Nott x reader
Short, fluffy drabble
Theo dislikes you reading romcoms lol (tbh I wrote this in like 30 minutes out of boredom :’))
After everyone had left your dorm, you let out a sigh of relief. Finally, you thought to yourself. Unfortunately, due to the terribly cold weather, you had caught a cold. It wasn’t anything dramatic, but enough of a reason to not attend a class.
It turned out to be a blessing in disguise even. Now you could curl up in your warm bed, enjoy a hot cup of tea, listen to some relaxing music- and most important of all, read your favorite books.
Today's read was “the Spanish love deception”. Although reading and understanding classic literature was amongst your passions, cheesy rom com books still hit differently. Besides, since you were sick, you didn’t feel like thinking too hard.
Having read halfway through the book, you have to internally laugh. Not because it was funny, but because it was so utterly ridiculous.
“What’s so funny?”, you suddenly recognize an all too familiar voice. You move your head up, and break into a smile upon seeing your boyfriend standing at the door.
“Feeling better?”, he asks gently.
Even if you weren’t, simply seeing him already brightened your day by so much. When you first started getting to know each other, seeing him always made you nervous and fidgety. Now, every time you saw him, there was nothing but warmth and intimacy.
“Yeah, I am”, you reply. “Wait, shouldn’t you be in class?”
“Why would I be in class when I could be next to you?”, he answered naturally, hopping right into bed with you. Immediately, he starts telling you about how boring his day was without you, while lightly caressing your hair. You look deep into his glistening brown eyes, realizing yet again how lucky you were to simply have him next to you.
While he’s talking, his eyes glance towards your lap, where your book was lying. Theo, seeming highly intrigued, picks it up and starts checking it out by flipping through some pages. Feeling happy that he has taken an interest, you start telling him what it’s about. Perhaps you could read it with him.
“Basically, there are these two people that work together and they hate each other. But, in reality the guy doesn’t hate the woman. Quite the opposite actually. Ugh- and he’s sooo sweet, does all these things for her, protects-
“Soo, you enjoy reading about perfect fictional men?”, he interrupts you mid speech. Theo didn’t sound so sweet now, rather a little doubtful.
“Well, it’s fun”, you admit. “It’s not the best literature ever, but a girl can imagine right?”, you say hoping for some form of agreement.
“Why imagine when you can have the real thing?”, he says insistently, which makes you chuckle. So that’s why he was a little off, he was jealous of a fictional man? Theo was of course just as perfect, and even better- he was real.
You take the book from him and put it on your night stand. “Theo, don’t take it that seriously, you shouldn’t care about what I read”, you say. Still, you couldn’t believe that his reaction was…well how he reacted.
“I don’t care, I just don’t understand why you would read about something like that, if you weren’t trying to tell me something…”
Hell, why was he being so difficult about this? You didn’t imagine that one could read into this so much. But, you had the perfect response for him.
Not letting him say anything else, you cuddle yourself into his arms and give him a small peck on his burning cheek. It was your way of telling him to stop worrying so much and to just shut up.
He must’ve picked up. Soon, he hugged you even tighter, and gave you a kiss on your forehead, whispering “I love you”. “And remember”, Theo adds quietly, “the real thing is so much better than anything you could ever read about”.
Ridiculous.
#slytherin boys#slytherin#harry potter#harry potter oneshot#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#theodore nott x you#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott fic#theodore nott fanfiction#theodore nott fluff#slytherin boys fanfiction#harry potter drabble
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*sighs a bit* Okay. Guys. I have been asked this question a lot, and answered it a lot. I don't know how to give a better answer — Dru & Ty&Kit share significance as main characters — so I guess I'll talk a little about comparison and structures.
First, all series have different structures. I don't think it's super useful or predictive to try to map an upcoming, unknown book series onto an existing series. In TLH the main character was Cordelia, everyone else was secondary to her, and people's roles and the significance of them altered from book to book. It was a big ensemble cast and they mostly stayed put in London especially in book 1.
TWP focuses on a smaller group of people. It also has a very different structure. In book one, Dru is not with Kit and Ty. They are in different places, both of which have their own stories that are significant to the plot. There is no way to see Place One without following Dru. There is no way to see Place Two without following Kit and Ty.
I know that TWP is a long way off. I know there are people who are very angry with me that there's such a gap, but there isn't anything currently I can do about that, or about the fact that I don't yet have the schedule for my upcoming books. That rests in the hands of several different publishers who must coordinate the release times and production schedules for four different series. I am not withholding any information about when these books come out. I simply don't know it yet.
I understand that TWP being a long way off makes for anxiety, and that those who are worried Kit and Ty will somehow be secondary are looking for tiny clues in microscopic details — micro-reading the of placement of the word "and" in my newsletter and such — that are meaningless, but I get that it all comes from anxiety. (FTR, those worried Dru will be secondary are equally anxious.)
I think there is only so much I can say. Because there's a big gap between TLH and TWP everything I do say or every image or hint about it is freighted with a weight of assumption it can't really support. Anxiety is always going to trump reassurance. And truly, at the end of the day, if you only care about Kit and Ty and find the idea of a Dru story tiresome, you will feel like they got shafted because when you absolutely hate a plotline, you will always feel like it's taking up way too much space. That's just how our minds work.
I've been doing this long enough that I know no book can survive a hostile reading. I know that Book Three of a trilogy is the one people hate until they don't. (When Clockwork Princess came out people hated it so much I considered quitting writing!) I know that it's wonderful to love a character but can also be a problem for people when I put out books that aren't about that particular character or dynamic. I know that for a lot of people, Sword Catcher and Ragpicker King are just tiresome things that have no business on my schedule because they're not Shadowhunter books. And I get it. But I also have to block it out, because I've been writing a long time, and I've gotten to a point where I know that I have to write the thing I want to be writing, because if I don't, if I sit down and try to force myself to write something I'm not feeling like writing at that time, I'll be making myself physically and mentally sick. And that's no good for anyone, really.
I suppose the positive thing is that, while this would not have been true five years ago, I am at the place where I want very much to be writing Wicked Powers. I missed these characters and am glad to be back with them. I consider this a story in which there are three main characters. And that is all I can say right now because it's all that I know.
(And this was much more of a general response to a lot of things than a specific response to this question, but I did feel like it was stuff that I needed to say. Creators are at the end of the day, just people. Sometimes we are powerless to reassure. Sometimes we are tired. Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we try things and they don't work. Sometimes we can't explain to you what our story is going to make you feel, because only reading it is going to tell you that. This may be one of those times.)
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Dude I feel so bad for zombie Yan, I tend to be accidentally honest but would totally keep up their delusion. Like, their little half exposed brain can't process their (probably bad) death, how am I supposed to tell them?
Like, "yeah babe lots of humans have half of their brain out, don't worry pookie" "Yeah I know their arm fell off, would you stop being such a dick about it?" "They just drank too much water from the sink, that's why their skin is gray"
"Hey, babe.... Do you still think I'm cute?"
They feel like such a terrible partner - piling stupid questions on top of all the care and attention you've given them since they got sick. You must be so tired of them now, but they needed to hear it from you. The difference between them now and the person you fell in love with were like night and day. They'd lost so much weight in these past few months, their eyes are hollow and empty. Their skin remains the same blotchy gray color no matter how many hours they lay rotting in the sun.
"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I, silly?"
"I don't know.... I guesx I just haven't been feeling like myself lately....With that whole dog bite incident and everything that's happened since I feel like a burden to you...."
"Hey, don't think like that. You're just sick - that's all, remember?"
Sick... That's right. They said so themselves. Ugh, it's not fair. How come you still be that same wonderful you that they fell for all that time ago? So understanding and still so, so cute. You just get cuter by the day to them...It makes it so hard for them to control their temper when they see neighbors interacting with you outside. Don't they know you belong to them? Just because they get to be outside with you doesn't mean a damn thing. They hate how buddy buddy everyone gets when their symptoms flare up and they can't leave the house with you. Hate, hate, hate- They just want claw, and stomp, and bite all their dumb, smiling faces into a mangled heap no one would be able to tell apart. It's what they deserve for trying to steal you away.
But they'd never do anything like that - Hurting people would make you cry and if they did that what good were they to you?
"I think it's time for bed."
"Yay!"
Your partner crawls in bed, leaving their ankle hanging off the edge of the mattress for you to shackle to the frame. Once testing the strength of the chain, you climb in right alongside them - loosening the latches of their muzzle by a few notches as you both get comfortable. You kiss the cheek with the lesser amount of decay as they nuzzle up to you - breathing in your intoxicating scent. Deep down you both knew they'd never bite you. You satisfied a different craving and if they ever lost you their hunger for human flesh would swallow them whole.
"I'm sorry we have to do this, but we can't risk you running out while I'm asleep again."
"It's okay. I know you're just trying to help me get better. I actually really like the idea of being chained to you for the rest of my life. I love you so much, baby. Soon as I get better I promise I'll be the one taking care of you."
"Yea.... I'd like that."
#yandere zombie#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere oc#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere x you#yandere insert#yandere blurb#yandere x reader#yandere drabble#yandere angst
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I unfortunately saw something I didn't want to see and that was my last straw. I'm fucking doing this.
Let's establish this first. Alastor is stated in the show to be asexual that is not up to discussion. He is also very heavily implied in the same conversation to be aromatic. 'An Ace in the hole' being used in context of him being with Charlie is also implying his aromanticism.
VIDEO
If that's not enough then here is Viv speaking about his romantic orientation. It's pretty clear despite the fact that afterwards she said it's okay to headcanon whatever (it's not but I will get o that later) that he is written purely as an aro ace character.
On top of that going by Alastor's interaction with Angel from the pilot and the first episode it is clear that he is sex repulsed. Not only that but on the fandom website he is stated to be touch averse with two sources which you can check out on the website.
Hazbin hotel wiki, Alastor page
Now we established that Alastor is canonically Asexual, Aromantic, Sex Repulsed and Touch Averse
As I also am all of the above I'll try to explain everything to the best of my ability as simply as I can.
Aromanticism and Asexuality.
I'm probably targeting the audience that knows those terms but regardless I will explain it anyway.
Aromantic - people that experience little to no romantic attraction towards any gender
Asexual - people that experience little to no sexual attraction towards any gender.
Little to no
Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums in which people can feel certain attractions towards people but those attractions are less occurring or are defined by personal connection.
Diagram from AVEN website
However some people are at the end of the spectrum, they never felt attraction and that's valid. Alastor was stated to be aroace he wasn't written as demi or as gray he was written as aroace as in the end of the spectrum. His repulsion and not giving shit about romance or sex speaks for itself.
Representation
I do understand that everyone wants to be represented but it's so important to understand that aroace people are one of the most underrepresented queer groups in the media.
And I'm not here to scream about how I want my fav character to be just like me I don't care for it I'm way too confident in my orientation to rely on that however I'm tired of explaining to people what asexuality and aromanticism is just to receive 'are you sure' or 'you'll change your mind' or 'its not real' or the community favourite 'you'll find the right person' no I won't I'm not looking thank you very much (I just smile and nod to be polite and I'm sick of it).
'Harmless' buts like: 'He might be on the spectrum', 'AroAce people can still feel attraction' hurt the final outcome for all the people on the spectrum not only strictly aroaces because it allows people to write one shots with 'Demi Alastor' that falls in love in 2000 words because he is 'demi' (spoiler alert: they don't understand what that label means). It's just a cover, an opening, sneaky way to disregard his orientation, feel good about themselves and move on. Newsflash there is no moving on for aroace people it's our life.
Shipping
Shipping is just harmless fun right? Usually yes but not in this case. In the same way its not okay to ship gay characters with genders they are not attracted to.
It's erasure and since there is much less people identifying on aro/ace spectrums then there is gay or bi people our voices are being silenced. Not to mention that gay people received support from entire LGBTQIA+ community over the years in contrast to aro/ace specs who to this day are told that we are 'not queer enough' or 'not oppressed enough' often by other queer people.
And finally... FINALLY we get cannon Aro/Ace character that is clearly not interested in romance and sex. Character that beats stereotypes of boring and timid aro/ace people and what's the first people do? They ship him. Alastor's storyline provides so many points to be explored like 'what is his backstory', ' what's about his deal', ' how does he fit in in the found family trope' , 'does he care about hotel guests' yet people choose to write about the only thing that he is not interested in. As a heavily repulsed person that used to be horrified about the fact that I'll have to fall in love with somebody at some point before I found out what aro/ace is I find it repulsive and trust me he would too.
But Viv said it's okay!
Its the same point once again. What if Viv said that it's okay to ship gay Angel with woman. She doesn't have authority to say shit like that.
Queerplatonic relationships
I can't tell you not to do it I don't think he would be necessary interested in it but for fuck sake do your research and try to understand what queerplatonic means before you use it as a cover to shamelessly ship him. Respect the fact that he is sex repulsed and touch averse and you're fine.
Why can't you just avoid it?
First of all I shouldn't have to. Alastor's orientation should be respected in the fandom like any other orientation is. Second of all I've tried. I tried to only look up AroAce Alastor tag I've blocked over 80 people on tumblr alone (I just counted) to avoid to see anything that could trigger me and I'm not talking about slightly shippy posts or fanarts I'm talking about full blown disregard towards his orientation. Guess what it didn't work!
Archive of our own where do I start. I've used this website for over a decade and I could probably count days I didn't go there on my fingers. I'm fluent in AO3 I know which tags I should block. I know how to skim thorough the summary and tags to see if I'm interested. I've seen shit I'm a shipper I've been on ao3 for ten years but never had to mentally prepare myself to face queerphobia as I click on the tab.
Just use aro/ace Alastor tag.
I do and let me tell you people can't tag for shit or they just pretend to be clueless at this point. Besides see this?
there is more ff with Alastor/reader (disgusting) than there is Alastor with his canon orientation and to play the devils advocate for arophobic people there is more Angel/Alastor then his stated in the show sexuality. I understand that fandom goes back before the show was aired but Viv confirmed his orientation back then too.
Summary
I could go on and on bout different issues and maybe I will in the future but I'm not wasting anymore of this weekend on it. I'm ready to answer any questions as long as they are respectful.
I'm aware that he is a fictional character, it doesn't affect him in any way whatsoever but it does affect aromantic and asexual people keep it in mind.
If there are any mistakes grammar related I'm not sorry I'm fluent in English (not my first language) but I took 3h nap in between and I'm sleep deprived.
Have a nice day.
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𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | 𝒅.𝒎
Draco Malfoy x Y/N (f!reader)
Setting: Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince
Summary: where Draco has had a crush on you since forever, but you were dating Harry, until you two break up.
A/N: I wrote this in a day. Hope you like it! I might make a part two if you want it :) happy reading!
W/C: 4.6K
masterlist here
“But I am in love with you Y/N!”
“We’re always fighting Harry; it’s actually getting too much at this point.”
You and Harry had been dating since fourth year, when he asked you to the Yull Ball, but you’d had a crush on each other since you met. However, since fifth year, when the Order of the Phoenix was created within Hogwarts and Harry became more dedicated to Voldemort’s pursue, things had gotten out of hand between you two. You were constantly getting into arguments – Harry not communicating anything with you and you having to rip the thoughts out of him. You felt like you came as Harry’s last priority and although you had much love for him, you were sick of the ongoing difficult tension between the two of you.
“It’s not because we fight a lot that it means I don’t love you, Y/N,” Harry exclaimed.
You were both in Harry’s dorm, everyone having dinner at the Great Hall.
“But it does Harry, it does!” you added. “I understand you’re going through a lot but you’re always rude towards me, you don’t talk to me about anything that is going on and you expect me to know what to say to you, what to do all the goddamn time, I’m done!”
“Fine! We’re done then! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed – you know where to find the door,” he said getting in bed as if you weren’t standing there.
“You’re unbelievable. Good fucking night.” You slammed the door behind you and left to your dorm.
You spent the night crying under the sheets – heartbroken by the person you had loved the most.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
“Y/N the Sopophorus bean shouldn’t be added now,” Hermione told you.
“Huh?” You were too distracted with glancing at Harry that Potions’ class was put on the background.
“Okay, that’s it, you need to stop looking at Harry. In fact, you need to stop everything that includes Harry,” she snapped at you.
You didn’t say anything because you knew it was true.
“It has been a month since you broke up, Y/N. And fine, Ron and I can deal with you both not talking to each other but you need to seriously start moving on.”
“Okay, okay, no need of a lecture.”
“What’s gotten into you today? You’re looking at him more than usual.” Hermione looked at Harry who was also looking at their direction. “And he’s looking at you more than usual.”
“It’s not the time, Hermione. I think Draco can hear us,” you whispered. Draco was always sitting behind you two.
“He’s focused on the potion, he’s not listening. Tell me,” Hermione said, seeing Draco carefully stirring the potion.
“Well, I don’t know if he’s told you, but I know he’s dating someone. I saw them both making out by the lake yesterday.”
Hermione didn’t know what to say.
“But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is who he’s dating,” you continued.
“Who?” Hermione asked, very shocked by the turn of events.
You stared at her before saying it. “Ginny.”
Hermione didn’t say a word, speechless about the confession.
“Yep,” you simply said, going back to the potion in front of you both.
It was a wild twist in the story because Ginny, Hermione and you were very close, and Ginny had been one of the girls that had comforted you since the breakup. The moment you saw both of them snogging you felt like something died within you. Not only because it clearly stated that Harry had moved on from you, but also that one of your best friends had been lying and pretending in front of you for no one knew how long. You hadn’t talked to Ginny and the tension between you and Harry had majorly grown since.
Hermione and you continued to work on the potion, unaware of the fact that Draco had heard every single word of the conversation.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
Draco had been in love with you since he set foot at Hogwarts. Long before he knew what love meant and how it felt, he had tried to impress you indirectly, by flying up to the sky with Neville’s personal belongings, by applying for Quidditch’ seeker position, by walking up to Hagrid’s hippogriff and trying to ride it, by facing up Potter when he became a Triwizard champion and had asked you to the Yull Ball and by applying to Umbridge’s little inquisitory group to try and dismantle the order. He did all that for you, and although you were totally unaware of the boy’s feelings, he didn’t know of any other way to get to you. In his mind, you were absolutely unreachable. He was aware of how other boys in class talked about you – because needless to say, you had been categorized as the prettiest girl in class. Draco’s enmity with Harry had developed because of Draco’s jealousy on your relationship with him. You had been a close friend of the chosen one since first year, and even Professors had always thought that you two would make a lovely couple. Draco had had to bear the flirtatious looks of you and Harry during class; how you would clap at him when he was about to catch the snitch during a match; how you would kiss him at the Great Hall during breakfast; how you would both giggle together running through the hallways of the castle; how you would become very worried when Harry was told to face detention by Umbridge. But even if Draco knew that he didn’t really exist for you despite of all his acts, he couldn’t forget about you because you were the only light that he felt he had in his life. The thought of you loving him one day was what kept him living each day that went by. He would constantly daydream about you before bed, during class, in the Slytherin common room, during lunch – he was just so enamored by you. However, deep down he felt like he didn’t deserve you, that was the ultimate reason to why he had never approached you. And all his jealousy, fury and sadness tended to be projected onto Potter, the boy that had conquered your heart.
He had overheard your conversation with Hermione during Potions. He had seen your light diminish since the breakup but the day you had told Hermione you had caught Harry with Ginny, he had seen you at your worst. He couldn’t comprehend how Potter had treated you so poorly during the last year of your relationship and how he could’ve gone behind your back kissing the Weasley girl. He felt so protective over you he decided to confront Harry by the lake, where he knew he could find him snogging with Ginny.
“Potter and a Weasley. Pathetic. Does your brother know about this, red-hair?”
“Malfoy, get the fuck out of here,” said Harry, looking for his wand in his pocket.
“You,” he talked to Ginny. “You should be ashamed of how pathetic you are as a friend. Does Y/L/N know about this?”
Ginny didn’t respond knowing he was right.
“That’s it, septum-” Harry started saying, being interrupted by Draco.
“Expelliermus!” Draco unarmed Harry.
Harry approached Draco and they both started to fight with each other physically. Draco punched Harry on the nose but before he could leave Harry kicked Draco, the latter falling on the ground.
They didn’t stop until they were both incapable of getting up.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
“Will you stop eating?!” asked Hermione to Ron, hitting him with a book. “Your best friend is missing!”
“Oi! Turn around, you lunatic” said Ron, seeing Harry enter the Great Hall.
He sat down in front of Hermione with a bleeding nose and bleeding wounds everywhere.
“Where have you been?” asked Hermione.
“Nowhere,” replied Harry.
You were sitting down a few seats away from the scene, wondering what in the world had happened to Harry. The answer was revealed when a certain bleached one entered the Great Hall, also bleeding.
“What happened Harry? Did you fight with Malfoy?” asked Hermione, having seen the blonde’s entrance.
“He was looking for it,” replied Harry.
Hermione looked over at you worried. You shrugged your shoulders in response. Hermione looked back at Harry.
“Harry, you should report this to Professor McGonagall.”
Harry didn’t reply and kept eating. Hermione looked back at you worried. You mouthed to her “I got this”. You thought Malfoy’s rivalry with Harry had cooled down that year but based on what had happened that afternoon you were worried it had something to do with the conversation you had had with Hermione during Potions’ class, even if you didn’t know why.
Dinner ended and students started to periodically get up from their seats and head towards their common rooms. You waited until Draco got up and followed him through the hallways. When no one was with you two, you called him.
“Malfoy!”
He turned around and looked at you, only to look away and keep walking.
You ran up to him.
“I want to talk to you,” you said.
“Why?” he replied, still not looking at you and walking straight.
“Can we stop for a second and talk? I can’t keep up your pace.”
He stopped and looked at you annoyed.
“What?” he repeated.
“I know you got into a fight with Harry.”
He rolled his eyes and kept walking.
“What happened, exactly?” you asked, running after him.
He didn’t reply.
“Draco!”
He stopped when you said his name.
“Why do you wanna know, Y/L/N?”
“I know you two were leaving each other alone until today. I wanna know why you fought.”
“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend anymore. We don’t talk.”
“That’s not my fucking problem,” he replied.
“Did you hear anything I told Hermione during Potions?”
Draco startled but tried to hide it. You still noticed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied.
“Then why did you two fight?”
“I’m getting bored of this conversation already.” He kept walking.
“Fine, just so you know, if you did it for what I said during Potions class, that was not the way to go,” you said, still standing up. He kept walking. “But thank you nonetheless.”
He kept walking, still having heard your words. A smirk got on his face as he walked towards his common room.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
A week later, you were eating in the Great Hall with Hermione.
“Have you already confronted Ginny about the whole thing?” Hermione asked you.
“No, not yet, have you?”
“Of course not, I don’t wanna get mingled,” she replied.
You looked up and saw Draco walking through the corridor. His eyes met yours as he sat down for lunch.
“How could Harry be so insensitive? And how come Ginny never talked to you before anything happened?” Hermione was still ranting about it – your gaze was still on Draco, as was his.
You didn’t know what had exactly changed since the day you talked to him but suddenly his eyes were speaking to you and you found yourself intrigued by his presence.
He looked away from you and focused on what his friend was telling him.
You engaged in conversation with Hermione.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
You were studying for a Transfiguration test out on the grass field. You were trying to turn a cup into a flower but the more you tried, the less it seemed to work. You knew that you needed to have a calmed mind in order to work but you couldn’t stop overthinking Harry’s thing with Ginny and your encounter with Malfoy.
In the distance, you saw Draco walking down gripping on some books. He saw you studying but quickly looked away. You debated in your head whether you should go up to him but you thought you’d look stupid without having anything to say, so you decided not to.
You noticed another boy was also looking at you. He came towards you.
“Hi, Y/N” Harry said.
“Hey, Harry” you replied, without looking at him.
“Hum… I just came to apologize,” he mumbled.
“For what?” you asked.
“You know for what,” he replied.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Harry. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to study.”
“Always making things so difficult, I’m trying to do the right thing here,” he finally said, getting pissed.
“Are you though? Because as far as I know the right thing had to be done months ago, now it’s not the time Harry!”
“You don’t know what I’ve had to bear with-”
“You never bothered to share it with me in the first place!”
“It’s not that simple Y/N.”
“Nothing is ever simple with you Harry.”
“Hasn’t she told you to go, Potter?” Draco appeared behind Harry.
Harry turned around. “What do you want, Malfoy?”
“I have a pending conversation with Y/L/N. Besides, this is not your yard, scar head.”
“Whatever,” Harry looked back at you. “Enjoy your time with Malfoy.” He left.
“What was that for?” you asked Draco.
“He was being a git, can’t bare it.”
You stayed in silence and looked at his books. “You wanna… perhaps… study with me?”
He looked at you for a few seconds. “I’m good.” He also left.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
It was one a.m. at night – you couldn’t sleep, your mind going back to different moments of the last few months. You decided to get up and head to the kitchen. You had befriended some of the elves and as they were cleaning up maybe they could give you a cup of hot milk. You went down the stairs, exited the common room and walked through the hallways. While you were walking, someone carrying a torch approached you.
“What are you doing here?” Malfoy was standing in front of you.
“I could ask you the same thing,” you replied, still bothered he ditched you the other day.
“I am patrolling. I am a prefect,” he replied.
Right. You had forgotten about that. “I was just going to get a glass of milk.”
“Where?”
“To the kitchen,” you simply replied.
“Students don’t go to the kitchen. Especially at this time of the night,” Draco said, with disgust on his face.
“Draco, I just want a glass of milk. I can’t sleep,” you tried to convince him.
“You’re not going to the kitchen, Y/L/N,” he directly said. “Don’t make me give you detention.”
“Fine,” you replied, turning around. “Thanks for your help, Malfoy.”
“Anytime Y/L/N,” he replied.
When you had left his sight, you turned to another corridor that also led to the kitchen. You were going down the stairs when suddenly you heard a voice behind you.
“Do you think I’m stupid or what?” Draco snapped at you.
“I’m going to bed!” you lied.
“That’s not the way to your bed, Y/N/L, unless you’re sleeping in the Slytherin dorms – which you’re not.”
“Who says I’m not?” you teased.
Draco looked at you being fed up.
“You’re not a Slytherin.”
“That doesn’t matter. I can still sleep there.”
“Where exactly?”
“That’s none of your business,” you replied.
“It is because you’re lurking in the hallway at one fucking a.m. in the morning!”
“You told me to go to bed, I’m going to bed!” you replied, slightly having fun with the conversation.
“That’s not the way to your bed!”
“I’m sleeping with someone!”
“Who?” he asked.
“A Slytherin,” you replied.
“Who?” he repeated.
“You don’t know him.”
“Oh, I can assure you if he’s a Slytherin I do know him.”
“His name is Tom.” You couldn’t think of any other name.
“Well, either way, I’m not letting you go sleep in someone else’s room.”
“But I won’t tell, I swear.”
“You just want your glass of milk and you’ve made up a whole story to convince me,” he ended up saying.
“Please Draco, I’m really thirsty.”
He sighed. “I am going with you then. If you get on my nerves I’m calling Snape, Y/L/N. And don’t lie to me again,” he finally said, giving up.
“Thank you Draco, really appreciate it.”
He went down the stairs with you, and headed towards the kitchen. The elves had already left.
“Alright, go grab the milk and we go,” he said, leaning over the counter.
You started looking for the milk in different cupboards until you found it. You grabbed a cup and poured yourself some milk.
“Don’t you have to patrol with Pansy?” you asked him.
“Why are you asking questions?”
“I’m curious. I thought you had to patrol with another prefect,” you replied.
“Well yeah, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be the one in the same house as you. I’m patrolling with Weasley tonight but each of us go our separate ways.”
“I didn’t know Ron was patrolling tonight,” you added, realizing how long it had been since you had talked to Ron after the incident with Harry.
“I assume you’re still not talking to Potter,” he added.
“Nope. Not missing it either.”
“I have to ask, how is that you dated him? What did you see in him?” Well, that was an interesting question coming from Malfoy. “I can’t imagine dating someone like Potter, what a twat.”
“Well, I fell in love, I guess. I mean, he’s good looking, brave, passionate-”
Draco laughed. “Pff, sure thing.”
“And why is that you two hate each other so much?” you asked him in return.
“He’s always going around as if the world belongs to him for being the chosen one.”
“Don’t you do the same though?” you asked.
He startled. “No, I’m the one who puts him on his place.”
“He could say the same about you,” you added.
“What are you guys talking about?” Ron appeared in the kitchen. “I heard some noises, I thought they were first years out of bed.”
“Just came down to the kitchen to give Y/L/N some milk, she couldn’t sleep.”
“Since when do you do that for anyone, Malfoy?” asked Ron.
“I’ll suggest you keep your mouth shut, Weaslebee,” he replied.
“Well, I’m done here guys, so if you’ll excuse me I’ll go to bed now.”
“Go with her, I don’t trust her a bit,” Draco said to Ron.
“Good night Draco,” you said to him before leaving.
“Whatever,” he replied.
Once you were out of sight, he let himself relax again. Even if he showed the opposite, that had been one the best moments he had experienced in at least the last year.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
It was Christmas break, you were in the Hogwarts Express to go back home. You were sitting in a wagon with Hermione talking to you about the past exams but all you could think about was Draco. You were constantly replaying in your mind what happened in the hallways at night when you two bumped into each other and you were slightly convinced he also had a crush on you by the way he acted. The urge to see him was so intense that you told Hermione you were going to buy something to eat and left the wagon.
You went to the Slytherin wagon and found him sitting down with Blaise and Pansy, two of his friends. You walked through the corridor to the other side of the wagon, peripherally having a look at him. You noticed he was also looking at you.
“This is not your wagon, Gryffindork” Pansy told you as you were passing.
“I’m just passing through,” you replied.
“Right.”
You hoped that Draco would say something but nothing came out of his mouth. You turned back and left the wagon.
What a prick. After all, he was still a pureblood Slytherin, and one of the worst kind, what were you thinking?
You went back to your wagon.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
It was the day that students came back from Christmas break to Hogwarts. You had spent a lovely holiday with your family and you felt ready to face whatever was about to happen. Whatever except for what happened.
“Y/N, I miss you.” Harry was standing in front of you in the hallway.
“What?” you replied.
“I’ve been giving our situation some thought and realized I acted as a prick with you and wanted to amend things.”
“Aren’t you with Ginny?”
“We haven’t talked during the break,” he replied.
“Well, I’m not some kind of rebound, Harry.”
“No, of course not. That’s not what I meant.”
“Besides, I like someone else now.” It was painful to say but it was true. You were over the hills for a certain blonde.
“Who?” he asked.
“It’s none of your business, Harry.”
“Y/N, we can work it out.”
“No, we can’t. We’re done Harry, you need to move on.”
He stood up as you left. The whole situation had given you a sense of control that had made you feeling unstoppable. You felt this urge of confessing, for some odd reason. It had felt to so good to state out loud what you felt for Draco that now the only person that was left to tell was him. You didn’t really think of what his reaction could be, you just wanted to spread the word to him.
You roamed in the hallways looking for his face until minutes later you spotted him with Blaise and Pansy. You walked up to him.
“Malfoy.”
Pansy and Blaise, as well as Draco, looked surprise.
“What?” he replied.
“Can I talk to you, in private?” Blaise and Pansy looked at each other, confused.
Draco just sighed and stood up – both of you going to a quieter and more intimate place.
“What’s going on Y/L/N?” he asked you.
“Okay, so I’m about to say something to you. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it, but I’m still taking the risk. Trust me, this comes as a surprise to me as well as it will come to you.”
“Alright,” he replied. “What is it?”
You sighed, your heartbeat being all over the moon.
“I like you, Draco.”
“What?” he said.
“I like you.”
“I heard you, but what does that mean?”
You started to feel the regret coming.
“I might have a crush on you.”
“You have a crush on me?” he repeated.
“That’s what I said, yep.”
“Alright.”
You stood in silence. “Alright?”
“Yeah, what do you expect me to say?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Well, thank you for telling me. I’m going then.”
“Okay, see you.”
“Bye.”
You stood up there not understanding what had just happened.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
A month went by and you hadn’t talked to Draco again. You felt so ashamed about confessing to him that you had tried to avoid him at any cost. He had left you so pathetically that you couldn’t bare the thought of him knowing what you felt. It was eating you inside. You hadn’t told Hermione about the situation. Instead, you might’ve agreed on going out with Harry again. You just needed to show Draco (and yourself) that you weren’t desperately crying in a corner about what happened.
You started then dating Harry again.
You were walking down a hallway when you found yourself facing Draco. You looked down hoping to avoid him.
“Y/L/N,” he said to you.
“What?”
“Hadn’t seen you in a while, where have you been?”
“Around,” you replied.
“I’ve seen you’ve got back with scarhead.”
“Yeah.”
“I thought that was over for you.”
“Well, it’s clearly not,” you replied.
“Good,” he said.
You wanted to die at that exact moment. “Goodbye Malfoy.”
You left withholding some tears.
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
It had been two months since the last time you had spoken to Draco. You were still dating Harry, trying to go back to how it used to be but things had profoundly changed within you. Your heart belonged to someone else.
You had gone to Hogsmeade to clear your thoughts. You were walking around the different stores and pubs until you saw Draco talking to Pansy in front of the Three Broomsticks. Something pounded in your heart when you saw how close they were. He saw you walking but didn’t engage in conversation.
An hour later you were tired of walking around and you were going back to the castle until someone stop you halfway.
“Y/L/N!” You turned around and saw Draco walking up to you. “What’s up?”
“Hi,” you replied.
“Enjoying the day?”
“Fairly,” you replied.
“You came alone? Where’s the funny trio?”
“I don’t know.”
“Not even the boyfriend came?”
“Do you see Harry anywhere nearby?” you snapped.
“Merlin, what has gotten into you?”
“Nothing.” You kept walking.
“Tell me, I’m curious.”
“I said nothing, Malfoy.”
He remained silent for a bit. “Is it because of what you told me a few months ago?”
“What did I tell you?”
“That you liked me.”
“Whatever,” you replied.
“You’re with Potter now, everything is fine, isn’t it?” he kept going.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Malfoy.”
“I mean, you were the one that got back with Potter, I don’t know what I’ve done in the story.”
“I said drop it,” you replied.
“Alright, alright,” he said, still walking by your side. “But if you want to tell me something, just say it.
You snapped. “Oh, so you’re expecting that I smile and laugh with you after I told you that I liked you and you literally left me standing there?”
“What did you want me to say? Besides, you got back with Potter!”
“You could’ve handled things differently!”
“Like how?”
“Like talking to me about how you felt, even if it was not reciprocated.”
“You didn’t ask me, you just told me you liked me, what do you answer to that?”
“You say something, you do something, for Merlin’s beard!” you exclaimed.
“Well now you’re with Potter, right?”
You didn’t answer.
“Because if you’re not, maybe we can talk about it.”
“Talk about what?” you asked.
“About us.”
Something lit up in you.
“What is it with us?”
“I don’t know, what do you want it to be?”
“Draco, stop asking me abstract questions.”
“I might want something with you, Y/N.”
You stopped and looked at him. “Something like what?”
“Like maybe dating, if that’s what you want.”
“You want to date me? Do you like me?”
“If I’m asking you to date me it’s because I like you, Y/N.”
“Since when?” you asked.
“I don’t really know.” He did know though, since you had said your first words in class almost.
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, why would I be fooling you?”
“I don’t know Draco, I don’t know.”
He got closer to you.
“So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna date me or stay with Potter?”
You looked at him, he was partly smiling. You thought he was looking gorgeous.
“I like you, it’s not working between Harry and I,” you ended up saying.
“So you’re gonna break up with him?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He took both your hands and rubbed his thumb, caressing your fingers.
“I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time,” he said.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I never thought you felt the same.”
“But I told you I did.”
“I was too scared. Besides, you got with Potter so I thought you were in love with him.”
“Right, I’m not.”
He got closer to you, his lips approaching yours as he placed a short peck on them.
You laughed.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” you replied.
“Right.”
And that’s how you both went back to the castle, both your hands tangled with one another.
#draco malfoy fanfiction#draco malfoy imagine#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy x y/n#draco malfoy fluff#draco malfoy smut#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter imagine#hogwarts imagine
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