i don't smoke for the obvious reasons of not wanting to develop an addiction to nicotine but god do i so often feel the emotion 'i need a cigarette'.

*arin making frowny faces at the movie* "what's up?" "oh just the idea of being a dipshit academic who was too preoccupied to notice their spouse's illness :( " "aww -patpat- don't worry, I'll tell you!"

also I do appreciate that the daddy issues are like, intentional and examined, unlike so many other action movies.

and my dad just texted me like "hey do you recognize these? they were in a backpack that was either from [a trip we took in like 2008] or [a trip he took in like 2004]. I just wanted to make sure they weren't yours before I decide what to do with them."

I appreciate that he took the time to ask, especially after mom has been so flippant about rushing to get everything of mine out of her house (which honestly I want my stuff out of her house too but she doesn't have to be so actively enthusiastic about it :/ ) but also good fucking christ dad how was that bag even still packed lol

also she came out for a minute earlier just to talk about like, "I'm sad, I know it sucks, I think this is why, I don't need to pull it apart right now" but also didn't get crabby about it when I habitually pulled a bit anyway (which I did acknowledge that I had done). also she mentioned that she had an issue with him not communicating directly yesterday but she said she'd already talked to him about it directly when I pointed out she was also complaining to me about him like he has a bad habit of doing when she does things that bother him.

which are both good behaviors I would like to encourage.

I don't really think it comes out much in adult indiana jones but young indy is Pretty Neurodivergent. recognizes the artifact, has strong opinions about where it should be, casually handling unpopular animals... wearing a hat gifted to him by a respectable rival for like 20 years...

I mean. it does also bother me that he chose to communicate that he needed a break by snapping at me and then still needing me to ask if he wanted me to give him a break instead of just. saying it directly. but there's no point bringing it up, given how chronically abysmal they both are at actually communicating anything, it's more important to just leave him with the message of "thank you for telling me" to make it more likely that he will at least honestly answer the question again next time.

-sigh- of course she gets flingy as soon as there's any hiccups. and like I get why she's so frustrated, it Feels like a big deal and there was a deadline set and now the people that set the deadline are the ones preventing her from meeting it and like yeah that is super frustrating, but it isn't actually a big deal in the first place and even if it was it sure would be great if she didn't take it out on every door and drawer she has to open.

james remembers ableism in the list of topics evangelical book banners are uncomfortable with, and their guest mentions the quick and easy guide to disability and sex when discussing the series as a whole. they also acknowledge the accessibility benefits of bookmobile programs and of libraries as a whole.

it's a little too messy silly for the craft blog @sleepy-princess-craftery so here. I've never used decoden cream before lol

I am allowed to use my craft supplies just to learn and try and make a mess and have fun! I used my decoden cream on my wood letters and it looks kinda messy and I didn't know what I was doing but it was fun! and they're still cute! it is not a waste of any of the things I used even if I eventually make newer better ones down the line.

these wood letters were a fantastic idea, I moved them back into the right order/orientation after the pretty pastel acrylic paints dried and they already make me so happy :) I was wandering around repeating "bug" to myself for a couple minutes after. tbh they may not even need the decora treatment, altho ofc I will pull out my laces and ribbons and cabochons anyway

oh yeah also arin's trying to get in touch with the place they toured on saturday to sign papers because she really liked it and it's a good deal so she's starting to plan the move in earnest which is why she was making that checklist that made her sad yesterday. it also means she should have plenty of space to take all her stuff so I will be losing the sewing machine for a few years (when I only just got access to it TnT ) but I will also be getting for sure the entire bedroom (and also matt and I will be getting the entire closet for storing utility things like my wheelchairs and the folding table that's just been Leaning Somewhere most of the time we've lived here)

I started on my comforter cover, I didn't get enough fabric because I didn't measure the comforter before I left but I did just get my old fabric stash back literally yesterday and had some plain brown knit jersey which will look fine with the yellow on the back. I got one seam done and got the fabric trimmed for the second seam. I also painted the wood letters and did a little knitting, and I've got the yarn matt bought me yesterday to start on the shawl when it's time to switch to low focus crafts.

in dreams many big crowds of people and moving from room to room and there was some kind of threat but I wasn't very worried.

If your regular everyday clothes* were put on a mannequin, and placed in a group of other mannequins that are dressed in regular street clothes of your region, could the people who know you spot the mannequin who is "you" from clothes alone?

*if you are of an unusual size or build, assume for the sake of this thought experiment that they've found clothing items that are otherwise identical to yours, but able to fit to a standard mannequin

honestly I think impending change is worse than the changes actually happening, because when things are actually happening it's no longer a mystery box. I can just react to what already is instead of having to brainstorm what to do about what might be.

he was crabby today because he had to do stuff all weekend instead of resting, but he was able to articulate that he needed a break from my chatter and he got it. and she was feeling "raw" this evening after making a list of what she will need for the home they went to look at yesterday, she tried to hide it but ended up just being held for a bit, then we played video games for the rest of the evening.

I know it'll all be fine, but change can be really rough on me. I've lived with her for more than 8 years. and technically I could just go with her, but moving is not only miserable but dangerous. staying here is an infinitely more stable environment, and keeps me access to my doctors. and I can technically go visit whenever I want, for as long as I want. honestly I think I'm more worried about him than us? idk it just feels like a lot to ask and I'm not even the one asking. like I'm sure they've talked about it and worked stuff out amongst themselves and I'm worried over nothing but I missed it all because I was dying.

I just want to get it over with. I want to get through the awful Change part and get to the new routine, whatever it is. the room redecoration is part practicality, but it's also part attempt to make there be something to look forward to, a change that is under my control and for my benefit.