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seariii · 7 months

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My take on Kotoko as a morally gray person, about a morally gray character who thinks in black and white

first of all, i absolutely love this woman, so all of this comes from a kotoko enjoyer, but when talking about canon i can not turn the blind eye to the wrongs she has done. i will talk about my perception of her murder, of her as a character and about her beating up the guilty prisoners (i will put this emoji 🐺 when i jump subjects just to keep it organized)

this next phrase is my personal take, i know some will disagree with me and thats okay, which also works as a tl;dr:

Kotoko didnt do anything wrong outside the prison, but she did wrong inside of it

i know beating up people isnt actually good, but she did research upon research to get to the bottom of the cases she was investigating and found the culprits this way. "but she could've brought them upon justice" and you arent wrong about that, but the victim she actually murdered, even when his identity was revealed to the public, the law didnt bring justice upon him.

screenshots & translations from @/maristelina (i didnt put everything in here, if you wanna check all the articles, please go check on their post!)

her victim was a child murderer, he had already killed 10 girls in 2 years, but even then, he was still free because of his father’s position of power.

then we have her other victim, the man she beat up and sent to the hospital

there are a couple articles dedicated to this one. but a quick run down: the man, Mikio Oshii, was wanted for theft and assault, having tricked at least 2 or 3 elderly people, pretending to be a bank employee, and convincing them to hand over cash, he pushed one of his victims, fracturing her ankle.

then we have the article about Kotoko’s assault. again a quick run down: someone heard screaming and found a man lying on the ground, who had lost consciousness after being beaten up, and was taken to the hospital. the police suspects a man (kotoko was wearing men’s sneakers and covering herself up). the victim was wanted for theft and assault charges and was Mikio Oshii.

further proving that she was aiming at people who prayed on the weak, she had good intentions (at least at first), and we also have the facts that she was trying to go through the lawful(?) path at first

she was studying law, showing us that she genuinely believed her cause, bringing justice to the world and protecting the innocent, or “weaklings” as she calls them, more on that later. that she was gonna try and go for the morally correct route, but what changed? what is that thing she “wants to do”? i hope we get to see her reasoning on the next trial. for now i agree with the theory that says that her or her family was victim of someone like the guy that was above law for having money and a father with a position of power. showing her the flaws of the law/justice system and thus taking matters into her own hands.

🐺 i personally believe that there are some people who dont deserve second chances, like pedos and rapists, and like the man kotoko murdered, between others. so this is why i forgive her from her crimes. she did proper research, she is passionate about it, she wants to protect the weak, or thats what she tries to convince herself of, because this brings me to my next point

she does have those violent tendencies, and she enjoys them

“this feels so good”

this is from the t1 trailer, people suspect this were phrases they said after their murders. so i think there is a possibility that while she was trying to convince herself that her actions were for justice, to try and protect the weak, and i dont doubt that that was where it came from at first, she ended up doing it out of personal enjoyment.

i once read that “if you do a good deed because you want to do it, it means that you arent a good person. to be a good person you need to do good deeds without wanting something in return” meaning that you should be uninterested on even the satisfaccion of said deed. this is a phrase that i absolutely hate and dont agree with, but i think it applies in here. kotoko was trying to do something “good” (morality is on the bearer’s eyes) by bringing to justice people who kept escaping it, by taking revenge for those weaklings she so desperately wants to protect, and while thats her main motivation, she also does it because she wants to.

i believe my girl has a thirst for power. she is self righteous, the way she refers to the people she wants to protect as “weaklings” its like shes putting them down in some way, the way on her VD she just wants to keep rambling about her theories, the way she inserted herself on Mikoto’s interrogation, the way she just assumes Es’ intentions and doesnt seem to accept when they call her out on it. she doesnt listen to others at all and once her mind is set on something, there is nothing that can move her from there. she isnt a good person…. but also, she isnt a bad person, and i feel that the fandom forgets those two statements can coexist. even if she sees herself as a saint, and firmly believes that she did nothing wrong, thats because

🐺 her world view is black and white. and this is why while i condone her actions on her murder, i do not condone her actions of beating up the guilty prisoners.

a lot of the prisoners have a black and white morality, heck, milgram itself as a system IS black and white. and from what i’ve read, a lot of the fandom also thinks in black and white. all of which i find extremely… interesting…. tbf its the nd majority vote game about nd murderers on the nd website, so makes sense (im half joking, sorry)

kotoko attacked the guilty prisoners because thats what she had been doing, and thats what she got voted innocent for on t1 (i wasnt around). but no one told her to do that, she acted on her own, she misinterpreted her judgment and forced her opinions and methods on others, claiming it were Es’, without their knowledge and without ours.

as a side note, when i first got into the fandom, i found surprising to see that kotoko was inno and fuuta was guilty on t1, since from my perspective their crimes are basically the same, they both exposed and harrowed “bad” people.

i make a lot of emphasis on black and white thinking, since its something im familiarized with, for example lets talk Amane since its her trial is still going

she is the type of girl who will correct other’s mistakes, who will call them out and try to fix them so that the others can be right, like her. her truth is absolute and even when it flails, she stands her ground and proceeds to believe in herself and her views of the world. in what i said, you could re read that and it would also apply to kotoko, and just like her, Amane also convinced herself of doing something she wanted to do by telling herself it was the right thing to do. kotoko’s “protecting the weaklings” directly translates to amane’s “punishing her mother for her sins (hurting the cat)”. so while in both cases there were hidden feelings, something tells me neither of the girls knew about their own ulterior motives, thats how well they convinced themselves.

people who think in black and white just see it as it is, right or wrong, left or right, green or blue, there is no other choice but those two. and from my personal experiences with myself and with others, its something you end up applying in almost every aspect of your life and its really difficult to change up this way of thinking. beginning to see the grays of the world and its other options its not an easy task without some proper help

overall, i dont believe she was right for hurting the guilty prisoners, and fuuta losing his eye because of her gives me a horrible gut feeling. overall, it also ties on her need for power, since she firmly believes shes Es’ “fang”, thus reducing herself a weapon for justice, not implementing her own judgment anymore, but someone else’s, ours, which my problem with her actions in this scenario. i firmly believe that if outside the prison she had came across mahiru or fuuta, she wouldn’t have attacked them, but after her t1 inno, and getting her ideals supported, her beliefs became radical, and now shes going based on our ideals, our judgments, our right or wrong, our black and white morality, MILGRAM’s black and white morality.

🐺 im still a kotoko inno truther, and i love her, shes my favorite character. but i dont expect her to get innocent this trial, as she did wrong. i dont want to say it was our fault that she harmed the other prisoners, since we had no way of knowing this would happen. in retrospect we can say whatever we want, but none of us can read the future.

i dont even have a real argument on why you should vote her innocent “shes pretty” is not good enough lmao… but who knows, maybe we will see something that makes her worthy of an inno vote on her second trial a few months from now (not counting on it, probably wont be enough)

in the end i wrote this because im really passionate about this character and her black and white views on the world (shes so intense). and because this beautiful person @archivalofsins told me to "keep talking about kotoko" and i have zero self control regarding this fictional woman.

🐺 i believe with the help of a third party, someone who could act as a moral compass to her and could teach her that the world has more colors, more choices, and if she actually learns about this, she would end up being an amazing thing.

also, if the theory about her being an accomplice of the serial killer turns out to be true, i will puke and cry :)

#please forgive me for i am not good at character analysis and i was just rambling about my fictional wife #also never give me an open floor to talk about my hyperfixations someone needs to put limits and its not gonna be myself #im sorry if this isnt comprehensible its almost 4am as im typing this and i always talk so much i get distracted and forget what i was #saying but i tried my very best to try to organize my ideas in a way that others could maybe understand!!#im also sorry if there is something wrong with the spelling or the way i said something english isnt my first language #milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram analysis #long post #also not her parallels with amane making me a little more fond of the little girl #about the moral compass its me ill be her moral compass i dont trust other people to give proper judgment #or maybe it could be a small group project but just a small one because i dont work well in large groups #wife <3 #seari writes

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rawrmeansilyindinosawr · 8 months

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day 6/7

rose/skyler's writing challenge

day 6 was supposed to b 'a stranger' but i feel like ive written sm ab strangers passing me by n also me being a stranger to others n viewing myself as even a 3rd person party within this strange world so idk if i rly feel the need to continue to elaborate on dat. so im skipping it. n day 7 is ...

day 6/7 - ' an ex crush/bf/gf

he is young. and he is selfish. he rashly states no one serves him any purpose and i think it is so optimistically nihilistic. he is vague. and thinks he is the reason why i am now fully gay. he jokes that he can read my mind. but we are not friends nor enemies or anything really defined. he makes me feel like im falling behind. as if queerness isnt something we r all collectively experiencing in different times. i was raised to be ashamed of my queerness while he was taught it was an identity to embrace. 24 fucking k. followers on his tiktok because of how hes gay. my transness felt like a shadow bc he initially said he was only t4t but i was an exception. how disillusioning in the eye of perception so. forget the way i would bind my chest in fun house like mirror reflections.

he was always and still is perpetually and constantly in a state of love. n its beautiful but i dont think he thinks even love is even fully enough. all the things i write. the poetry and the stupid rhythmic rhymes. i think he asked to feed his ego not rly 2 see my mind. cuz i fucked up and wrote something long when we split and then he thought my long words were dramatically writ. but i write and i write for me. n whats funny is that he thought he knew me within a matter of weeks. he lies he lies he lies but oh he has widened eyes. lies so sweet bc they r not just excuses but things u withhold. to him, this world is new to behold. and to him, this world is his. n i can tell while he sips on tall glasses of beer then turning over my phone to check what time it is.

but i would be lying if i said i didnt still wait by the phone and wish drugs would make me feel something similar to when his name would pop up. he jokes i was an era and a season like summer. but. leaves change and even autumn has passed us by and he makes me feel responsible for the guilt he feels inside. he says i hate him as if its an apology so i end up caring for all of the factoring probabilities. i think to myself that hating him would have made things easier. but i have grown quite exhausted pretending that i have. as if the last few months i had not woken up aching and stupidly fucking sad. but he doesnt make me feel as good as he did when we first met and thats because things kan never be the same when u try to re do things with an 'ex'

#mine #personal

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bubsdolan · 3 years

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Hi hun! Could you do a blurb where reader where’s glasses but gray doesn’t know as she wears contacts around him and she sleeps over for the first time and has her glasses on? Thanks if not don’t worry xx

it was your first ever time staying over at your boyfriend of 2 months, grayson dolan’s hared home with his twin brother and his girlfriend. your relationship was off to a smooth start, you were in the honeymoon phase as your friends often referred it to as. but to you, it was your first ever serious relationship and a sleep over was a big step, the next step needed in your mind to further it.

“no no, fuck-fuck.” you were franticly throwing everything you brought out of your overnight bag as you had forgotten to pack the solution for your contacts. meaning they were going to dry out and therefore would be unusable. you sigh in defeat knowing you had no other choice than to wear your glasses, a secret you had been hiding from grayson as you feared his judgment. you weren’t sure if you wearing glasses would change his perception of you, if he would find you any less attractive, as this was all still very new and fresh.

you were always insecure about the fact you needed to wear glasses, you felt they didn’t suit your face nor did they do anything to enhance your psychical appearance. you were often teased by boys growing up, throwing names at you such as “geek”, “nerd” and “bookworm”, and therefore you feared grayson would have the same reaction.

“baby, the films starting!” grayson calls out for you, entering his bedroom in search of where you ran off to. ethan was setting up for a film night after the four of you decided on having a chilled relaxing evening, enjoying the company of one another. grayson was almost giddy at the chance of you spending time with his brother, wanting his two favourite humans to get along.

walking in, grayson saw how panicked you were, the mess around you consuming his bedroom floor only confirming his suspicions that something was wrong.

“what’s going on, angel?” grayson approached you gently, his fingers out of instinct finding their place comfortably on your hips as he drags your body closer to his own. brushing your hair out of your face to get a closer look at your flustered state.

“iforgot my contact solution and now i have to wear glasses.” you give in, dropping your head down in shame at your confession. not wanting to see the look in his eyes as you spilled your secret, you felt that you had disappointed him.

“you wear glasses? i didnt know that, that’s hot.” grayson lifted your chin up to look at him, a big toothy grin spread across his features as he looks at you with nothing but love. no judgment present on his face. the idea of you wearing glasses going straight to his member as he pictured how sexy you would look in them.

“im sorry i didn’t tell you before, i was nervous you wouldn’t find me attractive-“

“put them on.”

“gray-“

grayson interrupts your ramble by dropping his hold from your waist, your eyes following him closely as he makes his way over his bedside table and collects the glasses that lives in his top draw. the black square frames sitting comfortably on his nose as he turns to you with a wide grin. holding his arms out as a gesture for you to do the same.

you do just that, a sense of relief washing over you as you put your own glasses on and stare back at him. you both take each other in, wearing a similar style of frame as you giggle quietly to yourself at just how handsome, yet extremely sexy he looked. you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t admit how turned on grayson in glasses made you feel.

“you look beautiful, baby. glasses suit you.” grayson is at your side immediately already having withdrawals from you, bringing your lips to brush agasint his own. your teeth clash against each other due to the contagious smile you were unable to wipe off your cheeks. his words reassured and comforted you that you were worrying over nothing, you had nothing to be ashamed off and grayson dolan was the man of your dreams.

let’s just say later that evening, grayson refused to let you take your glasses off during your bedroom actives. he was so incredibly in love with you, that even the sight of you wearing specks, send him and his ever growing etection over the edge.

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katoodlez · 3 years

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uwu meter exploded and i ate dinner at 2am after watching this aka the sam and bucky show episode 5

The new episode was sO goOd omg tbh i didnt think i was gonna be able to watch it last night and i legit cried. But i did and i am very very thankful. Because it was a very very good episode. But before we start stOP reAdING cuz theres gonna be MASSIVE SPOILERS IN THIS POST.

Alrighty without further delay, the Sam and Bucky show episode 5 and all its best things (there are a lot, to no one’s surprise). Im gonna go in chronological order to avoid losing my mind.

1. The fight in the beginning. Omg. Walker looked like he was gonna do both Sam and Bucky in with the shield like 6 times and it was lowkey scary. And when Walker knocked bucky into the electric tower or whatever it was— skdjfjs i saw some people post abt Sam’s glare mid battle like “if this is sam looking at walker after he hurt bucky” anD IT ACTUALLY WAS marvel why.

2. Walker ripped Sam’s wings off omg. That was so brutal i audibly gasped. I think we’ve seen the wings being shot at or broken but never ripped clean off. 0 _ 0

3. I like how the fight ended with all three of them on the ground and the shield just lying there. And then Bucky picked it up, left it for Sam and left. Walker was defeated but it kinda shows how Sam still wasn’t sure about the shield, he just knew in that moment that Walker absolutely couldn’t be the one to have it. I feel like that fight scene really conveyed how all of them felt about the shield and it was done really well. (Ok but on a side note, remember in episode 2 when Sam was like “bruh we cant just run up on the man, beat him up and take it?” I guess they went with that plan after all)

4. TORRES MY BELOVED. He’s back and I’m so happy 🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i love how he’s not afraid to give Bucky sass lmao.

5. WHEN SAM TOLD TORRES TO KEEP THE WINGS. listen i havent read the comics but i know what happens in them and Torres is such a Falcon fanboy omg if he’s gonna be the new falcon im gonna be so happy for him ahhHhHh

6. Sam’s conversation with Isaiah Bradley. Man. I’m really really happy that we have that scene. The scene with Isaiah in episode 2 left me reallly uneasy because it ended on a really bad note with unfinished and unsaid things between Sam, Bucky and Isaiah. Also Sam didn’t really get to talk at all in that scene and I felt like he def had things he wanted to say. I appreciated how Sam said that he really didn’t get some stuff and he had Isaiah explain more of his backstory. I think Sam believes that things can change, for good reason, and at the same time Isaiah believes that nothing will change, also for a completely fair reason. But having the time to let the two of them talk, esp with the shield in the room and without Bucky’s complicated history was a really well written piece of dialogue. Thank you screenwriters.

7. SARAH WILSON SUPREMACY. I’m glad we got more of Sarah in this episode ahhh. She’s such a caring sister and I’m here for it. Sam and Sarah sibling dynamics also >>>>>

8. Sam calling in the favors to help fix the boat was so heartwarming omg. And Bucky just showing up lmaooo

9. Bucky flirting with Sarah to get on Sam’s nerves LMAOO

10. Sam and Bucky fixing the boat together was something I needed to see. That entire montage, the teamwork and warm lighting and akskdjajd my heart 🥺🥺💕💕💕

11. Bucky waking up to Sam’s nephews playing with the shield reminded me of the Black Panther end credits scene but also of that one scene in Wandavision with Pietro and wanda’s kids lollll

12. Sarah asking Sam if he’s gonna let Isaiah tell him what to do and then Sam asking/telling Bucky to stop letting others, even Steve, tell him who to be was just. Skdkfjaod. The character conversations in this episode ahHhh

13. On that note, Sam and Sarah having a chance to talk about themselves, their boat and their family was just amazing. They’re fighting to keep their history and also understanding each other at the same time.

14. Sarah telling sam that there’s the fight out there and then theres the fight in here is so special. It in a sense reflects/applies to not only Sam and Sarah’s relationship and struggles, but it also applies to Sam and Bucky’s relationship and struggles esp with Steve and the shield’s legacy, Bucky’s history as the Winter Soldier and all the weight he carries with it. They gotta sort out the inside stuff before getting into the thick of what I’m sure will be the final battle next week as superheroes in the face of the world.

15. On that note. Sam and Bucky finally having the chance to talk was so relieving and eye opening for both characters. Bucky finally understanding Sam’s perception of the shield and its weight on his conscience because he is an African American representing his people and Sam finally understanding a more personal side of Bucky’s relationship with/perception of the shield feels like a knot in their friendship that has been resolved. The development in this show is just through the roof omg.

16. Okay but Bucky talking about how Steve told him about the plan to give Sam the shield... wkerjkakdja I feel like that makes Endgame’s ending a little better 😭😭😭

17. Shield training shield training shield training ahhhHhHhHhh i swear whenever either sam or bucky touched the shield in this episode i started physically vibrating LOL. Its so cool to see the shield in the hands it’s supposed to be in again ☺️☺️ Sam’s training montage with the shield was also AMAZING omg it was so so cool to watch him grow with the skills

18. Not Sam asking Bucky if he has nightmares and talking to him about amends and stuff skdjfjskd lowkey Sam is the superior therapist in this show and he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for it aksjdjskdjajd. Also the implication that Bucky will go back to Nakajima and give him closure for his son I— 😭😭

19. Also im so glad the scene where they’re walking away from each other ISNT the last episode. Its sort of like a “we’ll see each other soon” walk : DD

20. Okay but Bucky helping the Wakandans capture zemo at the memorial (which i think is for his family? 😭😭😭) and then the favor that Bucky called in for sam. WHATS IN THE GOSH DARN BOX OMG. i think it’s either new Falcon wings, a vibranium Redwing (please let it be this) or a suit of some kind

21. And lastly what the heck does Sharon wanna kill Sam for?? She workin for the flag smashers now or sumn? Also Batroc coming back when the last time i think we saw him was in CA: Winter Soldier 0 _ 0

Did it take me an hour to write this post? Yes. Did I get everything? No. I dont think I discussed Walker in this post but he was super scary and deranged and Wyatt Russell blew it out of the ballpark in this episode. Also whats the special character that everyone was hyped about? Anyways. Until next week 0 _ 0 season finale and im not ready for it to be over

#the falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #tfatws spoilers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #winter soldier #falcon #hello marvel please bring redwing back thank you #marvel #mcu

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sparkys-ec-corner · 3 years

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Can you lease enlighten me as to why you ship Amomiche and why you love Amostia so much? Since Amostia is given very little screen time if you will and barely characterized at all it's difficult for me to see why you ship them so much and why you love Amostia so much. Or is it partially because your a hardcore Len x Miku shipper? You can ship whatever you want ofc I just am curious as to what led you to ship it and stuff. Plus I'm more of a Gumi x Gammon shipper (#NemesisxNyozeForLIFE!!!) who barely ships Miku or Len or Rin with anybody and when I do ship them it's more often Miku x Rin (I'm trash for girlxgirl ok) sooo. And yes that goes for in Evillious as well I barely ship any of the Mikus with anybody (minus Michaela x Clarith) and same goes for any of the Lens. So oof

dw!! i understand your points and im aware of how unusual it is for me to love a character like amostia and ship something so unexpected like amomiche (i already apologize since this is long,,, oops,,,)

i would be lying if i said that the fact im a diehard lenmiku shipper didnt affect my decision in bringing amomiche into existence, but it's mostly due to this specific extensive au that serves as amostia's characterization arc and the hcs involving both amostia and michelle.

as for why i love amostia, it's because i thought he was a character with a lot of potential that was shoved to the side as a simple plot device + i was incredibly salty over why amostia is the only irregular who doesnt appear in motheavenly novel at all. since ma was given some characterization that culminated in her "i'm going to destroy the universe to confirm my existence" goal at the end of the novel, i wondered, "what about the Punishment boy? doesnt he get a chance to appear since he's an irregular too? where is he?"

heck, even irregular in scap short story gets a personality, however extremely barebones and single-minded it is, and he's called a boy without an ego since he died right after being born. despite this, he still had the desire of meet his mother.

around 2018, i began writing what would be amostia's backstory because i thought he deserved one. he deserved a personality. he deserved to be cared about. i was ready from the start to be that one weirdo who likes an obscure character no one cares about (i never finished that fic, btw. my hcs changed overtime and my prose back then was kinda ew, so i deleted it)

i never intended to love him as much as i do now. i just wanted to give him a personality and a backstory, but the more i thought about what might had happened to him in lunaca labora and during his time as Punishment the weapon and what would be his personality, the more i wished him to be seen as a person rather than "the weapon nemesis used to blow up the world".

i joined an ec discord server for no other reason but to find other fans, and rather hesitantly shared my hcs of him and fanart in the channels. as i said before, i knew it was weird for me to be attached to a character no one cared about, but i nevertheless persisted on.

before i knew, i was changing everybody's perception of amostia, turning him from a simple plot device into an actual character to the eyes of the fandom.

to be honest, i still do not believe how much everything has changed all thanks to me, only because i cared enough to share what i thought of him. i didnt... expect my hcs to be received so warmly. i made him starkly different from your typical ec len — he's angry, explosive and rude; nothing like the dimwitted and enthusiastically chaotic hansel, much less like the loyal and stoic allen — but maybe the fact he was so different was why people liked him so much. he's like a bright red dot on a canvas of soft colors. im really happy that people liked and accepted my hcs, even after Outlaw & Lychgate was published.

as for amomiche, here's where the extensive au comes in — before Outlaw & Lychgate was published, i had a thought that amostia wandered around the dead world before being found by meta and pretty much adopted by her. this characterization arc of his is meant to be a "coming to age" type of story, exploring his past and making him learn how to be a better person — an actual person with dreams and purpose instead of a weapon merely to be used by others.

initially, i intended michelle to be amostia's friend since they both have a link through nemesis. they would kinda bond through that since michelle wanted to know a bit about nemesis despite amostia himself not knowing much, after amostia finding michelle lost in a snowy night and bringing her back home.

one time, i received a m/a ask in amostia askblog about "len" and "miku" being a couple for some asks. since michelle was the closest "miku" to amostia, i obviously were to bring her in. tbh i was already slightly struggling with keeping them as friends since i found them to be really sweet together and my dumb lenmiku ass bothering tf outta me, and that m/a broke me definitely. i gave in. (although i took a time to answer the m/a itself, admittedly. by the time i answered it, i was already doodling some amomiche stuff)

again, i was ready to be seen as weird, to be the only person in the entire fandom to ship them together. i never hid the fact it is a crackship. i knew i would possibly be cast out as lenmiku trash for it. regardless, i kept doodling them and talking about them simply because i liked them (hell, they stay as friends for a long time in the au before romantic feelings blossom. sue me for liking friends-to-lovers trope with a self-improvement undertone)

and then, my surprise when it was accepted by the fandom despite its status as crackship. gosh, even people who arent into evillious had doodled amomiche!! someone who was into ec actually thought it was canon!! and was saddened to discover that it wasnt because they thought it was really sweet!! and they didnt even ship lenmiku normally!! i swear this still makes me die inside, seriously 😂

so you can say it's a combination of everything that eventually brought amomiche into existence, including my own love for amostia. i dont blame anyone for being confused with it since amostia as a character is so underdeveloped in canon and amomiche is a crackship. it's okay, really. im just vibing here. im not here looking for validation for them nor am i hoping for official crumbs.

all of this is self-indulgent, simply because i want amostia to be more popular, even if slightly. amostia will never become as popular as hansel or allen, im aware, but as long as someone appreciates him as a person, then i think my job is done here. all i want is people to appreciate him. if someone comes to like amomiche too, then it also makes me extremely happy! if someone likes amostia but not amomiche, that's fine too! i don't mind different hcs. if one respects my own, then i respect theirs.

so. yeah. it might not make sense to some people, but that's basically it. i am but a humble artist doodling stuff for a character who she wants to give the happiness and the characterization he didnt get in canon. if someone likes them, then im happy!! 💖

#answered asks #amostia #amomiche #oh god i spent HOURS on this #this is a fucking essay. oh god.. whyyyyyyyyy

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chattegeorgiana · 3 years

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It's 2021 & tbh I'm happy to see you still serving the truth. So many ppl hate Sakura it's rlly sad. I see hate for her from NH & SNS mostly about her "forcing" her feelings on others like she herself didnt realize that & was stuck trying the alleviate that be growing stronger as her main plot point. Her loss of development is 99% SP NH agenda. & honestly I still wish Sasuke got w/ NO ONE, not even Naruto. He wasnt good to anyone, even if he respected them. [1]

& in general I hate the idea that Sasuke HAD to end up w/ someone romantically to try find happiness & that person should have been Naruto/Sakura/etc. bc he COULD had a happy, content, redemption arc w/o a romantic partner. Not everything great in this world is driven by romantic companionship & Sasuke is honestly not cut out for it. I wish he had platonic healing & mending arcs, not this focus on finding the "right one" to bed with.

I will go down in my grave wishing Sasuke could be aromantic/asexual representation in a positive redemption arc of him making amends & fixing bonds w/o needing the "oh so powerful & miraculous" powers of romantic fixation.

__________________________________________________________

Well my parents taught me that a lie has short legs and it won’t last for long. And all you do is deceive yourself with lying so I took that lesson to the very heart through my upbringing and tried to stay as real as I can be.

I’m the type of person who prefers a hard truth over a sweet lie any day. I have ruined relationships with people because of this way of being. Because I met people in my life that preferred to be sweet talked than told the cold truth.

I am not like that, so yeah.

Now, as for the Sakura hate... well, idk but I’ve also noticed a change in fandom support. Yes, she is still hated but the support for her grew over the years. I’m telling you, it’s one of the things I noticed from the very beginning as I came back to the fandom.

But as I said in a thread on Twitter of mine, while I loved seeing that support, there are two factors that sadden me.

1. The love is directed at Sakura Uchiha, not Sakura Haruno and

2. The fandom as a whole has become a lot similar to the other side of the fandom that used to bully us Sakura fans back in the day.

Of course, I am talking general aspects, I am sure that there are some particularities here and there. But sadly that's the truth. Which made me think about the following things. Are people really liking Sakura Haruno or Sakura Uchiha?

Because it makes me wonder... where was this love back when Sakura was getting her heroine status ripped? Where was it? Are you loving Sakura now just because she's married into the Uchiha clan? Because if so, that's just sad. And shallow. Like ppl used to call her.

And I know it might ruffle some jimmies, but it's the truth. It's an honest and pure observation, after being gone from the fandom for so long. Don't get me wrong, I love that she's loved and supported now, but I can't help but feel that she is because of the wrong reasons.

As for Sasuke, the problem is that the show rewards him with something that Naruto worked for.

We’re never really shown how he is sorry about all the misery he put everyone through.

People say that ohhh, he was a victim. But wait. So was Naruto. He didn’t turn into that?

Not saying that what he did didn’t have an impact on him, but at the end of the day it boils down to CHOICE. Which Sasuke’s plot even is about. He CHOSE to go to Orochimaru. He CHOSE to kill Itachi. He CHOSE to destroy Konoha. HE CHOSE TO WANT TO KILL THE GOKAGE at the end!

And problem is that the plot doesn’t hold him accountable for that. And I will never shut up about how in other media authors don’t excuse the antagonist for his actions.

See FMA’s Scar. It’s the EXACT same thing. He had his clan murdered. Same thing. Genocide.

But do you see FMA’s plot excusing him for his actions like Naruto does? No, it doesn’t.

And I think that’s the core problem.

Like I always said: I have a love-hate relationship with Sasuke. I love the fact that he challenges the status quo, but I hate how he goes about it and how the story gives him a free pass.

Because it all feels hollow. Not to mention is a dangerous morale to leave behind. Especially to the newer generation of young adults who are shaping their character.

It’s sends a message that if you suffered, you get a free pass to do whatever shit you want cuz at the end of the day you get a free pass without having to work hard to get your atonement.

That’s why I love the fight in Jujutsu Kaisen between Panda and Mechamaru. Mechamaru tries to victimize himself and find excuses for his actions, but Panda tells it like it is.

Just because you have suffered, it doesn’t give you the right to be an ass, basically.

As for Sakura and her development, yeah. Everyone acts like an ostrich and hide their heads in the ground pretending that it wasn’t because of SP’s favoritism and mischaracterization that Sakura wasn’t hated.

Well it was that exact same thing that made people hate her. Like I know at some point back in the day, SP had to excuse themselves that noo, they don’t hate Sakura.

Yeah right... Cuz that’s why they made an omake where she was jealous of Hinata and how Hinata was stealing the heroine status from her.

They were slowly inoculating this idea into the fandom’s perception.

And I remember how I used to tell people about it back in the day. SSers as well.

Guys Sakura is gonna be sidelined because of this. She isn’t gonna be the heroine anymore. But did someone listen? Noo, they didn’t.

Because all they saw was the fact that I was a NaruSaku fan and to hell with me. Out of the fear of NaruSaku might potentially win, they preferred to just shut up.

And then guess what? TL came and they called Hinata the heroine of Naruto’s story.

And I was like lol, I goddamn told you so. But for you it was more important for NaruSaku to lose than Sakura keeping her status, right?

As for who Sasuke should’ve ended-up with? Well that is hard to tell. Ofc, personally due to my preference for symbolism and seeing the power balance, it would’ve been nice to see him paired-up with Karin.

Cuz I feel Karin had what it took to shake him up, cuz she didn’t take his BS. But that’s just me and I would’ve totally been okay with an arc like you proposed.

However, yeah, I don’t see him with Sakura at all , I’m sorry. As much as I would’ve liked to.

Hell, I should’ve been happy as a former SS. Yet I wasn’t.

But I guess this boils down to each person’s principles. And I know where mine lie. :)

#how do i even tag this?#it's so complicated #anti-sasuke uchiha #though it's not quite anti #it just is...#cuz this is a more complex thing

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fictionaldemon · 3 years

Text

Into the Unknown

Previous Chapter

OC: Koiki Inagaki but likes to be called Koi Hair Color: Dark Navy Blue Eye Color: Orange Quirk: Darkness Solidification and Umbrageous

Episode 3

It has been about a week since the entrance exams. Koi was nervous. Did she pass? Did she not? Would she be ok after this? Would Katsuki still want to be with her if she wasn’t accepted into UA? Would Izuku still be her friend if she got in and he didnt?

These were ridiculous thoughts to have but she couldn’t help herself. She was paranoid and scared. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even realize her grandfather sat next to her until he put a hand on her shoulder. She shrieked to which he chuckled and handed her an envelope. She jumps up and runs to her room screaming and slams the door.

She stared at the envelope for 5 minutes before tearing it open. A little disk fell on my bed and then a flash of light sparked. She falls off the bed in shock staring up at the hologram of All Might on her wall. She blanked out on most of the message but resurfaced when he says “You passed the exam. Welcome Koiki, you’re now a part of the hero academia.”

I started ugly crying and quickly dialed Katsuki’s number. “Hey babe, I just got my letter from UA...wh...why are you crying?” “I...I...passss and...I...wwwiiillll...be...UA...” I said over my sobs. I could hear Katsuki shuffling and in the background All Might’s voice going through the motions and accepting Katsuki as well. He started cheering in excitement and explosions could be heard. I chuckled finally being able to calm down. “Please don’t destroy things. Your mom will have a field day yelling at you.” “I don’t care what the hag thinks. I’m going to UA and will be a pro hero.”

Time Skip to the First Day at UA

I knocked on Izuku’s door waiting to walk with him to school. It was amazing to hear that he also got to UA. He opened the door smiling and we waved his mother goodbye before heading to the first day of the rest of our lives.

We found out that UA had accepted 41 students from the entrance exams. It was a first time occurrence, but they felt they couldn’t chose between two students. We never knew who would have almost not made it and we didn’t care. We were fortunate to both end up in class 1-A.

As we opened the doors, we were met with a class full of students already. “Are we late?” I asked. “I don’t think so.” Izuku responded as we watched to see Katsuki and the kid I almost fought at orientation for the exams arguing. “Well this is going to be fun.” All of a sudden the class turned to us, mostly staring at Izuku. “Uh, hi.” He mumbled. “Good Morning. My name is Tenya Lida.” The jerk greeted. “I’m Izuku Midoriya. This is Kioki Inagaki. Nice to meet you.” Izuku introduced.

“Midoriya, you realized there was something more to the practical exam, didn’t you? You must be very perceptive. And I completely misjudged you, I admit.” He started. “You sure did. Glad you realized before I had to teach you.” I said simply. Lida looked at me. “Well my impression of you didn’t change.” He commented before continuing his conversation.

I huffed a little annoyed and went to take a seat. I could take the seat behind Katsuki but it’s better to sit with new people and not distract him. As our class had an odd number of students, the last row of seats had 5 desks instead of four. I decided to sit in the empty middle seat between a tall guy with brown spikey hair and a kid with red and white hair.

“Hey, I’m Rikido Sato.” The kid with the brown spikey hair greeted holding a hand out. “Kioki Inagaki, but most people just call me Koi. Pleasure to meet you.” I smiled as I shook his hand back. We chatted a little bit before our teacher arrived interrupting conversations.

“Hello, I’m Shota Aizawa. Your teacher. Right let’s get to it. Put these on and head outside.” He instructed as he tossed sets of uniforms to everyone. We all got changed and met him outside where he shared we would be having a Quirk assessment test instead of going to orientation.

Bakugo was up first to toss the softball as far as he could while using his quirk. I watched in aww as his hand flamed up and exploded shooting the ball into the sky like a rocket. Aizawa showed Bakugo’s distance of 705 meters. I whistled impressed. That’s my man. He grinned at me with pride.

Aizawa shared that we would all be competing in 8 physical exams to test our quirks and the student with the lowest score would be expelled. This sent everyone in a frenzy but if this is what it takes to be a hero, so be it.

The first test was the 50-meter dash. While the other students went, I had to figure out the best course for me. When it was my turn, I was paired to go against a boy with blonde hair and a girl that had pink skin. When the machine said go, I started running to gain momentum. My eyes lit up as I used my quirk to create wings on my back. Jumping in the air, I was able to glide the rest of the way finishing in exactly 6 seconds. I dismissed the wings not to over do myself right away.

“Woah! That was amazing!” the girl I ran against complimented. “Oh thanks!” I blushed. “I’m Mina Ashido,” She introduced. “I’m Kioki Inagaki.” I introduced back. She grinned and grabbed my arm dragging me to her group of friends which they introduced themselves as Denki, Eijiro, and Hanta.

The assessments continued on. The next test was the Grip Strength. Using a little bit of shadow, I covered my hand in a protective layer to not strain it as I gripped it as much as I could but got to about 100 kilograms.

The third test was the Standing Long Jump. Similar to the 50-meter dash, I created wings again so that when I am high in the air I can stay afloat. This worked successfully and I was able to get to the mark I needed to be. I looked back to Izuku had fallen just before the mark he needed to make. I gave him a sad smile as I helped him up. “It’s ok. You’ll do better on the next test.” He smiled back and nodded but I could tell he wasn’t feeling as confident.

The fourth test was repeated side steps. I created a wall on each side of me and I side stepped to climb up and down repeatedly until time was called. When it was time, I moved off to the side to lay down on the grass. My legs were screaming.

When it came to the ball throw, I formed a shadow down my arm and hand to create a a large paddle. Taking a deep breathe, I tossed the ball in the air and then swung as hard as I could with the makeshift paddle. The ball flew and Aizawa showed me the score. “670 meters. Not bad.” I grinned and went to stand by Bakugo.

I watched as Izuku went up. I could see he was having some doubts. “If Midoriya doesn’t shape up soon, he’s the one going home.” Lida commented. “Huh? Of course he is. He’s a quirkless loser.” Bakugo barked out. I smacked the back of his head to which he glared at me. “He’s just nervous. Leave him alone.” Lida stared at us confused. “He has a quirk. Did you not hear about what he did in the entrance exam?” We looked at him shocked before turning back to Izuku who finally tossed the ball. I gasped when Aizawa used his quirk.

“I took your quirk away. The judges for this exam were not rational enough. Someone like you should never be allowed to enroll at this school. You’re not ready and don’t have any control over your power.” Aizawa continued to lecture and belittle my best friend. I growled wanting to step in and defend but Bakugo held my hand tight trying to calm me down to not doing anything rash. Finally he let Izuku try again.

I was in awe watching the power that flowed subtly in his hand and shooting the ball 705.3 meters. “Mr. Aizawa, You see? I’m still standing,” Izuko challenged proudly. Our class mates were cheering him on but Bakugo and myself were still baffled. Growing up, Izuko never had a quirk... did he? I frowned wondering if my best friend has been lying to me all this time or was he that self conscious.

Bakugo raged, exploding his hands, and running towards Izuko for answers. On instinct I formed a shadow wall between the two boys while Mr. Aizawa utilized his scarf to restrain my boyfriend. “Stand down.” I sighed letting my quirk disappear and continuing with the rest of the tests.

#my hero academia #katsuki bakugo #bakugou x reader #original character #my hero academia x oc #izuko midoriya #fanfic

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milofuckedup · 4 years

Text

Questionnaire; task 2

read more about my boy under the cut

Basic Character Questions

First name? Milo

Last names? Blevins

Middle names? Dean

Nicknames? Mi, Mimi, Spacey

Date of birth? September 9th 1996

Age? 23

Physical / Appearance

Height? 6″0

Build? Athletic, lanky

Hair colour? Honey Brunette

Hair style? Mess of locks across his head

Eye colour? Blue

Glasses or contact lenses? Neither

Scars or birthmarks? cigarette burns across his arms, a scar above his right eye

Tattoos? none

Physical or mental handicaps? none

Type of clothes? thrift store chic. He lives in light washed jeans and old button down shirts

Race / Ethnicity? caucasian

Mannerisms? fidgety, stuttery, always rubbing his lips

Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse? “im sorry” “lets play a game” “can we go home?”

Do they have a catchphrase? No

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimistic

Are they introverted or extroverted? VERY introverted

Do they ever put on airs? no

What bad habits do they have? smoking, drinking, running away

What makes them laugh out loud? just about everything

How do they display affection? gently nuzzling his head into you, resting his head on your shoulder, holding your hand. He likes to be touched softly

How do they want to be seen by others? like a nice person, someone who loves deeply and genuinely

How do they see themselves? as actual human garbage

Strongest character trait? sensitivity

Weakest character trait? sensitivity

How competitive are they? not at all

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? he over things EVERYTHING

How do they react to praise? awkwardly

How do they react to criticism? crying

What is their greatest fear? spiders

What are their biggest secrets? he is sure that everyone in his life hates him, they all want him gone, so he works with everything that he has to try and get people to stay

When was the last time they cried? right now, he is probably crying this moment.

What haunts them? his father

What will they stand up for? his friends, his loved ones, never himself

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? indoorsy

What is their sinful little habit? chainsmoker

What quality do they most value in a friend? honesty, loyalty, wont leave him

What do they consider an overrated virtue? Dignity

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? his inability to speak about what he wants, what he likes, what he needs from someone

What is their obsession? reading

What are their pet peeves? people biting their nails.

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? hes all alone.

What is their perception of family? that it isnt who you are born with it is who you chose.

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? none

Describe their best friend. Luna Olsson she is selfless, and thoughtful and has picked Milo up more times than he can count, she is the on person on this planet he trusts enough to live with, he loves her more than he thought he could, he has let her in more than anyone else.

Ideal best friend? See Above

Describe their other friends. Hudson the person he always turns to when life gets too tough. Tanner the man that he can always have fun with, turn his brain off with and just let himself breathe with. Rion someone who has always been perfect and loving and gentle with him.

Do they have any pets? no

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? he was a quiet baby, and a well behaved child, he did everything that he could to get his mother to stop abandoning him

Did they grow up rich or poor? DIRT poor

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? neglected

What is their greatest achievement? staying alive

What was their first kiss like? awkward, fumbly, he threw up afterwards because his stomach was in knots

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? make them feel like they were second best

What are their ambitions? maybe get his GED one day

What advice would they give their younger self? its all shit, dont even bother trying

What smells remind them of their childhood? burning tires, old gas stations, and piss under bridges

What was their childhood ambition? to stay alive

What is their best childhood memory? his 10th birthday his best friend came over with a cupcake and remembered the day while his mom was drugged up on the couch

What is their worst childhood memory? take your fuckin pick.

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? no

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? every day

What past act are they most ashamed of? any time he has ever been intimate with someone

What past act are they most proud of? any time he has been intimate with someone

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? no

Are they in a relationship? no

How do they behave in a relationship? like a lovesick puppy, very clingy, very needy, asks if they still love him every twenty five seconds

When did you character last have sex? two years ago

Has your character ever been in love? yes

Have they ever had their heart broken? yes

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? tears

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? his tongue

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? the teddy bear his grandma gave him

What do they love to hate? reality television

What are their phobias? spiders, the dark, being alone

What living person do they most despise? no one

Have they ever been bullied or teased? his whole life

Where do they go when they’re angry? on a long drive to the next town over

Who are their enemies and why? he doesnt like to have any

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? gas station clerk

What do they think about their current job? he hates it

What are some of their past jobs? gas station clerk, thief, drug dealer

What are their hobbies? reading, writing, singing

Educational background? didnt get ANY formal education

Do they have a natural talent for something? singing

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? god no

What is their socioeconomic status? lower lower lower class

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? cats

What place would they most like to visit? england

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? the beach at night

What is their favourite song? halloween - hunny

Music, art, reading preferred? music: indie. Art: abstract. Reading: character studies

What is their favourite color? green

Favourite food: chicken tenders and fries

What is their favourite day of the week? friday night

Possessions

What is in their fridge: ketchup, sauces, lemons

What is on their bedside table? books, a glass of water

What is in their car? absolutely nothing

What is in their purse or wallet? his id, and his library card

What is in their pockets? a packet of gum, his phone, his empty wallet, his keys, two rings that he takes on and off

What is their most treasured possession? his book collection

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? doesnt have one

Do they believe in the afterlife? no

What are their religious views? none

What do they think heaven is? a full fridge and your best friends

What do they think hell is? other people

Are they superstitious? no

What would they like to be reincarnated as? a house cat

How would they like to die? car accident or sleep

What is your character’s spirit animal? field mouse

What is their zodiac sign? virgo

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? abandonment

When did they last lie? he doesnt really lie, he mainly omits truths

what is their view of lying? he hates it, thinks its despicable

When did they last make a promise? last week

Did they keep or break their last promise? he broke it

Daily life

What are their eating habits? whenever he can, he will eat whatever is in front of him.

Do they have any allergies? pollen

Describe their home. small, dingey, covered in books, a bed on the floor, empty fridge

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? clutter hoarder

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? sleep, he just finished the night shift

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? go for a walk and take a picnic

What do they do on a Friday night? stay in and read

What is the soft drink of choice? sprite

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? whiskey neat

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? he doesnt have any

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? dracula

If they could save one person, who would it be?

If they could call one person for help, who would it be?

What is their greatest extravagance? he owns an iphone 5

What is their greatest regret? hurting angel @angclhqs

What would they do if they won the lottery? buy a house, donate the rest

Do they believe in happy endings? no

What is their idea of perfect happiness? a good book, electricity on, and a cup of tea

What would they ask a fortune teller? how long until I am content

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? 2200

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? invisibility

#crawford:task2 #crawfordtask2

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merrysithmas · 5 years

Note

remember when boris rants about stealing the painting and how sorry he is to theo and hes just like yeah wtf are u talking about and boris is like u didnt? know? that u dont have the painting??? do u think that boris feels relieved he told theo and now theo knows or he regrets it thinking that he might’ve ruined this second chance fate just gave them? do u think if boris knew theo didn’t know he would just never mention it? or he would tell theo even tho that would implicate theo hating him?

I think Boris would absolutely tell Theo even if he knew that Theo didn’t know — I’m not sure he would’ve told him right then exactly, but he would have come clean. It’s just the heist setup happened to coincide perfectly with Theo’s fucked up comphet engagement so Boris kind of had the cards stacked against him — had to come clean right then to get Theo to ditch and go to Amsterdam with him. Whereas if Theo wasn’t in the middle of selling out his gay art thieving soul for a substitute mom Boris likely would’ve whisked Theo away maybe under pretense but told him in Europe. BUT the reason why Boris would have absolutely told Theo no matter what is this:

At that point there is a HUGE narrative parallel - Theo was obsessed with and preoccupied by an object that didn’t exist (TGF), and Boris was tormented by and preoccupied by a misdeed no one knew he committed (stealing TGF). The irony! All of their wrought up agony and self-flagellation was essentially for nothing, and yet all the more meaningful because they go through these soul transforming experiences by themselves - pressed on by guilt and longing, and internal locus of pain, a desire to do good in a world of bad.

Boris wishes to change Theo’s perception of him as a thief and liar — because Boris does not want to be a thief or liar, not to Theo. He sees himself as bad — this one act of theft has haunted him (and he supposes ruined Theo’s life) and the guilt of it has brought him around to good. This guilt Boris doesn’t realize he feels because he simply is good already.

And Theo realizes, after finding out the Goldfinch was a schoolbook, that his years of paranoia and effort to replace the past (Mrs Barbour, his marriage to Kitsey) were not done out of some greater arc of adoring beauty or in attempt to keep a piece of art (in essense, Theo’s memory of his mother) immortal. They were done because Theo ascribed meaning to it - false meaning, because when he unwraps TGF it is nothing but a relic of childhood, a schoolbook, a story he keeps telling himself. A lie. Who he has become, not who he should be. All of his efforts to stagnant time (drugs, displaced Pippa obsession, falsely marrying Kitsey, New Mom Mrs Barbour, antique dealing/scamming, lying to Hobie, hoarding TGF to keep it “safe”) were not done to preserve art and beauty but were selfish, an attempt to keep his mother alive, an act that rotted his soul in all those areas. He tried to do good by his mother (who said “we lose people yes, but it is more of a shame how we lose things” right before she died). Theo took this to mean - preserve the Goldfinch at all cost because his mother died, but he sees it really is a message from her meaning: people die, but we must not lose the important things we have because of it, least of all our souls.

This 8 year gap they’ve had from one another represents something very important: number one it is both a physical and metaphorical absence/distance from the one they feel closest to because of painful secrets, unreconciled mental health issues, and the past holding them back. It shows that not only would they have likely died in Vegas if they did not meet to save each other (and break up before they got too self-destructive), but they would have also likely died had they not met again in the future and reconciled. Theo maybe in a depression as he realizes his faux marriage and stand-in mom did nothing to ease his psychological burden and the continued ire he feels towards blaringly fake social niceties with Kitsey would only be exacerbated 100 fold, plus he’d perhaps eventually seek the painting and find it gone - his soul, gone. Sold out. Somewhere across the world - with Boris.

Boris on the other hand would have likely died of heroin overdose, plunged into the depths of his momentary pleasure-seeking, without Theo to question his motives and symbolize a potential future, a connection to the present, and someone who “of course” loves him. And on top of it - he has the painting, stole someone’s life, sold it for his own selfish gain, profited off of it — and for what? so he can buy heroin? OD in a dark apartment in Antwerp? what meaning is there to his life with the painting? it is a clamp on his soul, an anchor dragging him down to his hell, an enabler (financially) of all his worst habits. His soul’s end.

Boris had to tell Theo to ease his guilty conscience, it is his confession, his request for clemency from the Universe, an entreaty for absolution. It is the symbolic act which shows Boris cares for something/someone more than the cares for himself - his opportunity to be the hero, to be upstanding, to tell the truth. And it took him ten years to get the courage to do so, to grow, to learn in that distance that his riches and profits and hedonism means nothing alone.

And Theo had to find out TGF was stolen from him to clearly see the utter fakeness and transparency of his life of lies - upheld by his imaginary beliefs. It is this realization exactly that makes it so easy for Theo to willingly give up The Goldfinch (his life’s fixation) in Amsterdam to Martin for Boris’ life. That act represents that Theo sees the Golfinch for what it has been for him, a symbol, smoke and mirrors, and his life for the past 8 years as a self-delusion. He learns his soul is worth more than that, as Boris clings to the painting (Theo’s soul) refusing to give it up in the face of death - that art depends on the observer. To Theo, his own life is often worthless, but to Boris, it has grown precious and priceless - and as Boris tells him, saved Boris’ life.

So Theo returns the favor in seeing that Boris’ decade long journey of self discovery is worth more than a painting Theo didn’t even know he didn’t have - Boris: his only real friend and a person he loves, in the present. The thing he can’t lose even though his mother died — Audrey’s real message to him.

That’s my long way of saying, yes, he would’ve told him. Boris’ confession symbolizes the moment when they both grow up, when they both take responsibility for their own lives, where they come together and save each other so they can live into adulthood. Theo by giving up TGF for Boris and killing a criminal for him - essentially showing Boris someone sees him as more than a criminal, more than a “priceless” painting/money/profit, more than the cherished past. And Boris saves Theo by telling him the truth, helping him see his life for what it was, helping him realize someone truly cares about his opinion and esteem, someone values his company, someone thinks he is worth more than a painting in a museum from the most tragic day of his life.

Essentially, that they both matter.

#the goldfinch #boreo #ccsmogyral

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chaos-of-the-abyss · 5 years

Note

I think fandom suffers a case of "Why didnt Frodo just use the Eagles to fly to Mordor?" regarding the Valar. The Valar have a certain kind of foresight, so why did they release Melkor? They are incredible powerful, so why didnt they went to war with him as soon as possible after his flight? Why didnt they just invite the Race of Men to Valinor? They must be either stupid or malicious in their actions and non-actions, since the solution to everything is so simple! /s (1/2)

The Valar are percieved as a Deus ex Machina, something that could solve all problems immediately. And when they dont act in that straight-forward way - because the situations are much more complicated, (which gets ignored or handwaved) and they are in fact not all-powerful - they get villified. (2/2)

Yep, there’s most certainly that as well. The complexities of the dilemmas that the Valar find themselves in are often blatantly ignored, mostly because there seems to be a straightforward solution, and yet none of these solutions are actually simple.

I’ll address each of the points:

“The Valar have a certain kind of foresight, so why did they release Melkor?”

The issue is that we don’t know how much foresight the Valar have, and Eru doesn’t let them in on all that He has planned for Arda. Also, personal feelings are often ignored in this situation, especially Manwë’s, which I think is a result of Tolkien’s quite non-personal writing style and the fact that there’s not much text that allows us to get a grasp of the Valar’s personalities, but also a result of, as I said before, the generalizing of the Valar into just divine angelic beings.

When we think of angels we think of beings wholly devoted to serving the greater good, not at all focused on their own feelings. In fact, much of the perception we have of angels don’t even seem to give angels much individuality or personality. That’s why Manwë’s feelings remain so unconsidered when it comes to freeing Melkor. Melkor is Manwë’s brother; just how much would Manwë want to believe that Melkor, his brother, has truly changed and that they can see eye-to-eye again and don’t have to be enemies any longer? How hopeful must he have felt when Melkor “repented”? (It honestly breaks my heart to pieces to think about.) Yet people expect Manwë to be some utterly impartial judge precisely because he’s an angelic being, not at all swayed by his own personal sentiments. So the resulting conclusion of that assumption is: Manwë is either utterly incompetent and stupid for being unable to consider the possibility that Melkor was lying (which I think he did, he just didn’t want to believe it, and nobody can blame him for that - this is his brother) or he’s evil.

“They are incredibly powerful, so why didn't they went to war with him as soon as possible after his flight?”

Many people don’t seem to know this, but if the Valar pursued Melkor to Middle-Earth and engaged in a war with him, Middle-Earth would be drastically altered. Earlier in Tolkien’s legendarium, to save the elves from Melkor’s evil, the Valar fought Melkor with their combined powers and altered the face of Middle-Earth (this was how Melkor ended up the Halls of Mandos); that’s how destructive battling at their full might would be. So how exactly could the Valar pursue Melkor and wage war on him, when there were still elves in Middle-Earth? Who knows how many lives they would have wiped out trying to bring Melkor down?

But people don’t consider this. All they see is that the Valar refused to act against Melkor, without really thinking about what the implications of the Valar actively battling Melkor would mean for Middle-Earth (which is the say, cataclysmic change that would result in many, many deaths for the elves).

“Why didn't they just invite the Race of Men to Valinor?”

This criticism of the Valar always rankles me, because I feel that even if the Valar had invited the Race of Men to Valinor, they would still be criticized. Here’s the thing: the Valar were tasked by Eru with the “governing and guidance” of the Children of Ilúvatar. So, what exactly does that mean? Bringing the Race of Men to Valinor would be considered very drastic interference with Middle-Earth. How much interference on the Valar’s part is considered “governing and guidance”? How much interference is considered tyranny and the stripping away of free will? The Valar had these things to consider as well. Eru never meant for the Valar to shield the Children of Ilúvatar from the hardships of Middle-Earth. They’re supposed to help them along the way, but how can they do that if some of the Children (like the Noldor) don’t want their help? How much can they continue intervening in the Children’s affairs before they’re accused of being too domineering over their fates? How much does Eru Himself want them to interfere?

The Valar need to consider these nuances. They can’t just bring everyone to safety, because that would be against the Theme of Ilúvatar, and runs the risk of taking away agency and free will from the Children. But once again, this isn’t considered by much of the fandom, either. All that’s considered is, “The Valar aren’t doing anything, therefore they must not care”. But how much can the Valar do before they’re accused of excessive interference and despotism?

Conclusion: So yes, I very much agree with you. The nuances and complexities of the situations the Valar must handle often pass totally over the fandom’s heads.

#tolkien #tolkien meta #valar #ainur #manwë #varda #ulmo #mandos #nàmo #lórien #irmo #nienna #yavanna #nessa #estë #vairë #vána #aulë #oromë #tulkas #melkor #asks

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zepdeans · 5 years

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there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3 -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4 -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :(( -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words?? -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!! -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!! -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

#take a shot every time i say whew #fully put more effort and time into this than most of my uni projects xx #its super rambly but thats bc its mostly just my direct stream of thought #also super long! and probably still missing things i wanted to say #AND like 3 weeks late fshfjjkdjkfsd #skam #clownfest 2019 #blabbey

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goldenkamuyhunting · 5 years

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Oh my god your right on the money when it comes to Ogata no longer being able to snipe. He has lost the function of his eye and by losing it his depth perception is gone. I didnt even know ch 188 was out! But their so much to unpack i can't even fit in an ask.

Sorry, I’m placing together the asks about Ogata as they all have him as main topic.

1) Ogata no longer being able to snipe

Hum, sorry, maybe I’ve explained myself poorly but I think that, unless he’ll suffer complications from his wound, he technically should return being able to snipe if he recovers and then trains (also he’s probably meant to be that naturally amazingly talented shooter that can hit a target in whatever condition he is, sort of how Sugimoto is that naturally amazingly talented fighter... they’ve the classical manga powers that make them just too awesome to be humans).

The loss of an eye doesn’t make impossible to snipe, you just have to retrain yourself to deal with it.

If Ogata wants to return sniping or not, or if he wants to go back to his lifestyle or not, that’s another matter.

I think the loss of that rifle with whom he killed Wilk and sniped Sugimoto is probably simbolic of Ogata’s loss of what had pushed him to commit that action in the first place, and that wasn’t just the eye that could aim well.

I think the plan is that the current events are going to affect greatly Ogata (and Asirpa and Sugimoto) in the future, setting him on a different path.

2) Will Ogata be more deranged or not? Will he get a redemption arc or not?

The loss of Ogata’s rifle makes me hopeful that it symbolize this will be a turning point for him, one that’ll set him on a better path.

Realistically speaking though, Ogata’s future psychological state depends a lot on what will happen to him now. I know many would want a redemption arc, but what Ogata needs right now is not a redemption arc but a salvation arc and when I say ‘salvation’ I don’t mean just to make his wound better, or to make sure he won’t die out of poison.

Ogata is a broken man who got to the point he wanted to be killed, due to what he suffered in his childhood, which pushed him to make mistake after mistake, in search of a way out of his painful situation with the only result to tangle himself in more mistakes and becoming unable to see a way out from them.

He knows he is an unwanted child.

He views himself as a person missing something fundamental.

He’s made fun of by the 7th for his heritage and rejected by it way before he betrayed it and, likely, in the past he was also subjected to this sort of joke, this sort of comments on his heritage by other people.

He views himself as the one who’s never trusted, regardless of what he does, regardless of the people around him being even less worth trust.

Sugimoto was at the same table with escaped convicts yet he felt the need to single out Ogata, pointing how since he betrayed the 7th he would betray people again... but Sugimoto had no qualms to trust and defend Tanigaki who also betrayed the 7th.

Hijikata pointed out how Tanigaki and Kiro informed him of his troubling heritage... when Hijikata himself planned to betray Sugimoto, Kiroranke is there to see that Wilk will get murdered and Inkarmat, well, she’s not there but, unknown to him, she’s using him to tattle their move to Tsurumi.

Even when he fails to trick Asirpa he seems to take the whole thing as not working because HE was the one doing it, not because he sucks at lying....

...while he believed she would have no problems to put her trust in everyone else, from Kiro who was extremely suspicious to Sugimoto whom, he knows, was keeping from Asirpa he had a woman he loves.

There’s a theatrical comedy, ‘La patente’ (‘The licence’) by Luigi Pirandello who deals with the effects of something similar. A man is considered a misfortune bringer for no good reason at all, and this causes him to lose his job as he and his family are being kept at distance by everyone.

Desperate, the man decides to accept people won’t see him as anything else but that since that is his fate he wants to get profit at least from that and so he tries to have a judge acknowledge he is a ‘misfortune bringer’, fundamentally giving him the licence to be as such, so that he can turn that into a work, basically demanding to be paid in order not to bring misfortune.

This man accepted others would never stop viewing him as a ‘misfortune bringer’, he accepted he couldn’t change this, no matter what he were to do so, in order to survive, he decided he would become what everyone thought he was and profit from it.

Ogata is likely similar. As he believed people wouldn’t trust him no matter what, he gave up and tried to live the way people saw him.

In fact many people say he can’t change because he doesn’t want to but that’s uncorrect. He’d like to change, that’s why he was hoping for a blessed path to open up for him, it’s just Ogata doesn’t know how.

People in his past didn’t reject him according to what he DID, but according to what he IS, the bastard child of a Japanese officer and a geisha.

He can’t change this, he can’t change what he is and he wasn’t capable to win their favours despite this so he started piling up mistake after mistake and now he’s so tangled in mistakes even if he has found a person who might have not judged him according to his heritage, the wall of mistakes he has built around himself is simply too high.

He deliberately told Asirpa he killed her father so that she would kill him. So that he would have some measure of control in how he would be rejected.

It’s sad and pathetic but it speaks of a man who’s damaged and needs to heal before he can think at ‘making up for what he did’ because that’s what redeeming yourself is, not just regretting what you did but also making up for what you did.

It’s true, you can redeem yourself even if you won’t be forgiven by others, even if you won’t be accepted by others, because redemption as well as forgivance are actually personal things and we assume they’re connected because we often set as a signpost for a redemption to have reached its goal that the guy will be forgiven but actually this is just how many plots work, not how the world work.

We tend to think forgivance just magically cancel everything but forgivance is actually for the victim to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw, or mistake (the word had a long history behind itself but fundamentally it means ‘to give up desire to punish’). Sure, this can bring forward the idea the ‘debt’ the perpetrator has with the victim will be erased but it’s actually not true.

In fact redemption is to compensate/atone/make amends for the faults, poor behaviour, the sins, errors, or evil doing (from latin re-emere ‘buy back’). If you want to redeem yourself you’ve to compensate for what you did.

Tying the two words is comfortable in a storyline because having someone being forgiven after he compensate for what he did signals that the compensation has been judged enough and so the plot can end but in real world this idea the two has to be tied is harmful.

A victim has the right to feel angry or stop feeling angry when the victim wants. It can be the victim will never stop feeling angry even if the perpetrator will abundantly compensate him... or it can be the victim will decide to stop feeling angry even if he got no compensation at all. It’s personal and has to be respected.

On the other side the perpetrator can end up compensating more than enough for his wrongdoings even if he doesn’t get forgiven by the person he wronged. It’s not something that’s as simple as movies make it out to be.

But the problem is exactly this, Ogata can’t redeem himself at the moment because he doesn’t have something he ‘can give back’.

His life is the result of a domino effect, the world hurt him enough he was left with nothing and trying to regain something he hurt people back. Until the world compensate him back for the hurt he received, he has nothing to pay back Asirpa.

It’s not right Asirpa was the one ending up being hurt by him, as she’s not the one who hurt him in the first place, the one who wronged him. Asirpa had always tried to deal with him with the normal kindness and respect one should reserve to another human being because that’s what Asirpa did to him, she (rightfully) didn’t give the world to him, she just acted with him the way she would with a fellow human being, it seemed notable only because no one else was doing it. However, by the time Ogata met her, he was so damaged he couldn’t quite trust her to be different by the others.

It’s ironic in a way. Ogata likes to say that ‘everyone is like him’ but this works in the reverse as well. ‘He’s the same as everyone, he’s the same as every person who hurt him’. That’s why he feels he can hurt others, because others as hurt him and he views this as the default normal behaviour. He has normalized other people’s reaction to him and adopted it back.

Subconsciously he probably knows that’s not quite like that, when his father accused him of being the same as him, we see him being conflicted.

Is he the same as this man? Really? But if he’s not the same as this man, is he different from everyone else? Where’s the truth? If he’s the same as him, why is this man rejecting him so vehemently and confirming he’s missing something?

There’s enough for him to be completely lost in this.

So, while I would really love for him to make up for what he did, both for himself and for Asirpa, at the moment I can’t really see him having the strenght to do so.

He just tried to get himself killed!

He got saved but by a person who did it for Asirpa, not for him (and no, I’m not saying Sugimoto should have done it for Ogata, just that since it wasn’t done for his own benefit it’s not like it matters to him).

Ogata might not have understood Asirpa didn’t mean to kill him, that it was an incident, he might not have understood that Asirpa genuinely tried to be his friend in the time they spent together and wasn’t just playing the part of the pure and kind person.

At this point Ogata has already decided he has no reasons to want to be alive any further.

When Asirpa rejected him, he could have tried to escape. All he had wanted to do was to set up his own death.

As long as he’s in this state he can’t help himself or the others.

Fundamentally, he needs time and care to heal from the psychological wounds he received and if he doesn’t receive it, it’s pretty hard for him to magically find in himself the will to become a better person. He’ll remain just as he is, hurt, angry at the world and suicidal.

The tragical irony is he ended up hurting the one person in the world who didn’t mean him harm, who might have even liked to help him.

So the situation is complicate because, as he had hurt Asirpa, Asirpa can very well wish to hurt him back or wash her hands clean of him. It’s in her right to do so.

Yes, Asirpa’s character is build upon her wishing to save others and I think Golden Kamuy doesn’t want to let Ogata be miserable so maybe the whole thing was a way to give Asirpa insight so she could deal with this... even if it could have let her emotionally hurt as well.

I don’t know.

As said before I think the loss of Ogata’s rifle symbolizes he’s going to change for the better in the future, so a salvation arc is very likely what we’ll get next but I’ll encourage everyone to wait for Ogata to feel better psychologically, before expecting a redemption arc.

As of now I don’t think he’s up for one. Once he’ll be better we will be free to expect him to make up for what he did, but, unless his ‘salvation arc’ will go by very quickly, I don’t think we can ask of him that much.

Please, everyone, just let this guy heal... he can’t do more than what he had been doing in the messed up psychological state in which he is.

Also, please, even if this wasn’t a post about Asirpa, let’s let her too heal. What happened was likely very traumatic for her as well and she’s just a child. I know she’s awesome and strong and kind and caring and everything but I think she too needs her own time to cope with what had happened before she can go around helping others.

On a positive note, maybe, if they’ll manage to connect over what had happened, they will manage to help each other. It would be the best solution for them, even though I’m not sure it’ll be the one Noda will chose.

I’m not sure he’ll go for the same plot he had used for Tanigaki so I really don’t know what to expect in the future. I just want those two to get better.

#Golden Kamuy #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Asirpa #Ask #I do as I want #Other people's posts

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rawrmeansilyindinosawr · 1 year

Text

day 6/7

rose/skyler's writing challenge

day 6 was supposed to b 'a stranger' but i feel like ive written sm ab strangers passing me by n also me being a stranger to others n viewing myself as even a 3rd person party within this strange world so idk if irly feel the need to continue to elaborate on dat. so im skipping it. n day 7 is ..

“an ex crush/bf/gf”

he is young, and he is selfish. he rashly states no one serves him any purpose and i think it is so optimistically nihilistic. he is vague. and thinks he is the reason why i am now fully gay. he jokes that he can read my mind. but we are not friends nor enemies or anything really defined. he makes me feel like im falling behind. as if queerness isnt something we r all collectively experiencing in real time. i was raised to be ashamed of my queerness while he was taught it was an identity to embrace. 24 fucking k. followers on his tiktok because of how hes gay. my transness felt like a shadow bc he initially said he was only t4t but i was "an exception.' how disillusioning in the eye of perception so. forget the way i would bind my chest in fun house like mirror reflections.

he was always and still is perpetually and constantly in a state of love. n its beautiful but dont think he thinks even love is even fully enough.

all the things i write. the poetry and the stupid rhythmic rhymes. i think he asked to feed his ego not rly 2 see my mind. cuz i fucked up and wrote something long when we split and then he thought my long words were dramatically writ. but i write and i write for me. n whats funny is that he thought he knew me within a matter of weeks. he lies he lies he lies but oh he has widened eyes. lies so sweet bc they r not just excuses but things u withhold. to him,this world is new to behold, and to him, this world is his. n i can tell while he sips on tall glasses of beer then turning over my phone to check what time it is.

but i would be lying if i said i didnt still wait by the phone and wish drugs would make me feelsomething similar to when his name would pop up.

he jokes i was an era and a season like summer. but. leaves change and even autumn has passed us by and he makes me feel responsible for the guilt he feels inside. he says i hate him as if its an apology so i end up caring for all of the factoring probabilities. i think to myself that hating him would have made things easier. but i have grown quite exhausted pretending that i have. as if the last few months i had not woken up aching and stupidly fucking sad.

but he doesnt make me feel as good as he did when we first met and thats because things kan never be the same when u try to re do things with an 'ex'

#writing challenge #writing

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chemicalmagecraft · 5 years

Text

The Gamer Hero, Deku Chapter12

A/N: Thank you BlindSwordsmanNaru and Ultimate Pervy Sage for answering my question.

xoxoxo

I trembled with excitement. We were boarding a bus that would take us to an off-campus facility designed to train us in rescue scenarios. Sure, the combat training was pretty cool, but the first time I ever saw All Might, what made me really want to be a hero, was a video of his debut, which was a rescue operation where he single-handedly saved one hundred people. And here we were going to learn how to do that! Why wouldn't I be excited? Plus I was wearing my hero costume again! "Everyone please gather in two single file lines!" Iida said. He was really taking his duty as class rep seriously. Though I suppose that is why I made his class rep... We got on the bus, which, it seemed, wasn't exactly the kind that Iida was expecting when he made us form lines.

"I like being straightforward and saying what comes to mind," Asui, who was sitting next to me, said. "Midoriya."

"Yes, Asui?"

"Call me Tsu," she corrected. "I'm going to be blunt. Your Limit Break power reminds me of All Might."

"Yeah, that's right!" Kirishima said. "It's super manly!"

I gulped. She was really perceptive, wasn't she? Luckily, I'd prepared an explanation for it that didn't involve One For All. "It might look like it, but I think it works differently from All Might's Quirk," I lied. "I call it Limit Break, but really it's just me using a skill I got for getting all of my stats above fifty."

"So your Quirk gives you special powers for increasing your stats?" Tsu asked.

"Y-yeah. I only got one skill for each individual stat, but they each made the stat I got them from work better, I guess is a good way to say it. And the WIS skill was what gave me access to all four elements."

Tsu nodded. "Sounds useful. How does Limit Break work, exactly?"

I winced internally. It looked like I couldn't just distract her away... "It isn't exactly like the traditional video game limit break, but I wanted to keep with the video game theme because my Quirk gave it to me. The way it works is that I have a second MP bar that just... doesn't have an upper limit. That's not to say that I have infinite power, but whenever my actual MP bar is full, the second bar stockpiles MP for later use. I can't use the second bar to fully power any skill, but I can use it for part of the cost. What makes it really powerful, though, is that I can use it to power up not just skills but STR and DEX too. Of course, the reason I don't use it all the time is that there's some backlash from using it." I put my hand my head. "Of course, my Quirk makes damage just a number, but I don't really want to find out what happens if my HP reaches zero..."

"I think it's pretty awesome!" Kirishima said. "It's super flashy too, unlike my Hardening." He demonstrated his Quirk by hardening his arm.

"I think your Quirk is awesome too," I said. "It's the sort of Quirk that could be really useful in pro hero work."

"Yeah," he sighed, "but I'm not that sure I'll be too popular... You've gotta factor in how cool it looks in the pro hero biz."

"My Quirk is pro-level in strength and flashiness!" Aoyama offered.

"Yeah," Mina said, "but it also gives you killer stomach aches..."

"Oui..." he sighed.

"If you're talking about flashiness and strength, the kings of that in 1-A have to be Todoroki and Bakugou," Tsu added. Kacchan perked up a bit on hearing his name.

"If I had to pick one of those two for a popularity contest, though, I'd have to pick Bakugou," Uraraka said. "They're both pretty standoffish at first, but if you get past that Bakugou's kind of a nice guy."

Kacchan blushed a little and turned to face the window. Pyra appeared next to him and said, "That's 'Kacchan' for thank you."

"SHUT UP!" Kacchan yelled at Pyra. "And how the hell are you physical? I didn't summon you!"

"Speaking of elementals," Tokoyami said with a slight grin. "Would you like to see mine, Midoriya?"

I smiled. "Of course!"

From Tokoyami's cloak a dark haze emerged, taking the form of a young boy in black, bird-themed armor, a basic elemental. It looked like he had a sword and shield behind his wing-shaped cloak. His eyes were red, with black sclera. "My name is Corvo," he said.

"My elemental is a dark knight," Tokoyami said proudly. Corvo demonstrated his power by radiating some darkness despite physics saying that that was impossible.

"Hey, I got an elemental too!" Uraraka exclaimed. A purple-and-blue glow formed from the air next to her, condensing from gravity itself to form a young girl. Much like Blaise, her skin was midnight-black, but she also had sky-blue patches on her cheeks. Her eyes, or at least what I think were her eyes, were a solid yellow. Her blue hair, pulled vaguely into pigtails, was nebulous and glittered with stars. She wore a simple purple dress with a crescent moon on the center.

"Hi," she muttered. I didn't see it much but I think her tongue was also yellow...

"Her name's Nebula," Uraraka offered. "She's a little shy. I'd show you guys what she can do, but we're in a bus and I'd rather not flip us over or destroy the suspension..."

Iida nodded. "A wise decision. Perhaps she'll get her time to shine at the training facility. I certainly heard a lot from my brother on how useful gravity manipulation could be after I told him about your Quirk. By the way, you might receive an internship offer from Team Idaten sometime in the near future."

"I also made an elemental!" exclaimed Hagakure. A light shined from her invisible hands, and from that light came a girl in a silver-colored sundress. Her hair and the fur on her foxlike ears and tail were the same silver color. The only thing on her that wasn't silver was her white, fluffy scarf. "Isn't she cute?" Hagakure asked.

"Hi, everyone!" the elemental exclaimed with a blinding smile. "My name's Lucy!"

"Man, I wish I had an elemental," Tsu said. "Even without the whole 'manipulating the elements' bit, you guys have friends that you can summon at any time."

I Observed her. "Actually, Tsu, it looks like you have water affinity, which means you should be able to summon a water elemental."

"Oh. Cool. Thanks, Midoriya."

"We're here," Aizawa said, then the bus stopped. "Everyone out."

Outside of the bus, a person in what looked like a marshmallowy space suit was waiting for us. "I'm glad you're all here," they said. "I can't wait to show you my facility."

"Ohmigoshit'sThirteen!" Uraraka shouted, stars in her eyes. "They're one of my favorite heroes!"

"Thanks! Uraraka, right?"

"THIRTEEN KNOWS MY NAME!" She started searching herself for something. "Oh man I wish I had something for you to sign and a pen to sign it on!"

"Um... isn't it a little rude to ask someone for an autograph when you've just met?" Nebula asked quietly.

"Thank you for your concern, random small child that I've been told is actually some sort of elemental spirit, but I actually really like meeting fans. If you find something to sign, I'd love to sign it for you."

I pulled a piece of cardstock paper and a pen out of my inventory. "Don't worry, Uraraka, I made sure to put multiple sixty-four stacks of multiple different kinds of paper in my inventory just in case someone needed paper. Or to eject at villains like a poorly-managed sylladex."

Uraraka gladly took the paper and pen from me. "You're a literal angel, Deku! I'll make sure to make it up to you somehow." She gleefully got Thirteen to sign it, but then just stared at it. "Crud, what am I going to do with this?"

"I can hold on to it for you," I offered.

"Great," Aizawa-sensei said dully. "Glad that we got that sorted out. Now unless anyone else wants an autograph, let's go inside.

xoxoxo

"I designed this facility to simulate several disasters heroes might need to help out in," Thirteen said as they showed us the various disaster areas of the facility. "I call it the 'Unforeseen Simulations Joint.'"

"So it's Universal Studios Japan?" multiple members of the class muttered at once.

"No, that was not at all a factor in the naming," Thirteen said in a flat tone that made me feel like they weren't telling the truth. "In fact I only learned of the existence of that place after I named it." Oh look at that, Observe implied that they were lying.

"Thirteen, where's All Might?" Aizawa-sensei asked. "Did he forget about this and schedule an interview or something?"

"Oh, uhhh... I need to speak to you about something over here," Thirteen said. They took him out of earshot of us and said something that involved them holding up three fingers. I heard a few small pops to the tune of Shave and a Haircut, the sign Kacchan came up with to ask me to invite him to party.

Kacchan: dumbass used up his time for the day didnt he

Kacchan: and stop changing my name to kacchan deku

He wasted no time in PMing me.

Deku: Hey, I set my name to Deku, didn't I?

Deku: And yeah that's probably what happened. I saw something about him stopping some villains on his way to work.

Kacchan: shouldnt he be getting better? youve been using your healing spell on him every fucking day

Thirteen started giving a cool speech about their Quirk, Black Hole, and how Quirks could be very dangerous if misused. It was nice, but I also had to focus on PMing Kacchan.

Deku: It's not that simple. For one thing, Healing Hands isn't that strong, all things considered. Yes, it's a very good spell, but I'm pretty sure that I'd still have trouble healing anything much worse than a light fracture.

Deku: Second, All Might's time went down a lot after giving me his Quirk. I think he's still stockpiling MP, but it seems he's doing it less. Eventually, even if I make him be in even better condition than before AFO, I think he's still going to run out of power.

The BGM shut off, as did the USJ's lights. I noticed some sort of black mist coming from the fountain in the center of the facility, and it seemed I wasn't the only one. A man with powder blue hair and disembodied hands clamped all over his body emerged from the mist, followed by a crowd of other people.

Death on Two Legs

LV 61

Shigaraki Tomura

At level twenty-three, he was thirty-eight levels higher than me. And over the mist, there was another title.

Purple Haze

LV 57

Watanabe Kurogiri

"Hey, I didn't think we were starting already," Kirishima said. "Who are those guys anyway?" The BGM came back, but... that wasn't feel-good field trip training music. That was ominous music.

"Everyone get back," Aizawa-sensei barked.

"I don't recognize all of their names," I said, "but a lot of them are actual villains." I was especially worried by the giant, black-skinned, bird-looking man with an exposed brain standing next to Shigaraki.

LV?

Nomu

There was just something... off... about him. And I couldn't Observe him, which was offputting considering how the only other people that applied to were high-ranking pro heroes.

"I see Thirteen and Erasor Head," I think it was that Watanabe guy that the deep voice was coming from. "Odd. All Might should be here."

"Aw, and I brought a whole raid party for him," Shigaraki complained. "Let's hope he comes out when the kids start dying."

Aizawa's capture scarf unfurled. "Thirteen, protect the students and contact the main campus."

"It seems one of them has a Quirk that is blocking the sensors," Todoroki said. "With how prepared they are, I doubt we'll just be able to call for help."

"Good catch, Todoroki. Kaminari and Midoriya, you two have powers or equipment that can be used to contact others. Use them. I'll hold them off."

"But how?" I asked. "Your Quirk is best used in ambush or one-on-one fights."

"A hero can't just glide by doing what their Quirk is best at." With that bit of wisdom, he was off. He took out three long-range-type Quirk users before they even realized what had happened. I instantly became a lot less worried for him and joined my classmates in running like hell.

"You're not going anywhere," Watanabe said as he rose from the floor. Or a portal on the floor, according to Fuckery Detection. "We are the League of Villains," he monologued. "Pardon the imposition, but we have come to murder the symbol of peace." His misty body spread out. "I hope you don't mind too terribly."

"LIKE HELL WE DON'T!" Kacchan screamed as he and Kirishima charged Watanabe. Smoke from an explosion clouded them from our sight.

"A commendable effort," Watanabe said as the smoke cleared, revealing him to be relatively unharmed, "but if you persist in your endeavors, I fear you'll both wind up dead."

"Get back, you two!" Thirteen yelled.

A chuckle emanated from Watanabe's body. "Don't worry, Thirteen. You won't have to worry about that soon enough. After all, my job in this operation is to scatter you all to the four winds!" With that, he exploded into a thick purple haze that engulfed us all. After a few moments of disorientation and a sudden change to my minimap, I found myself in the air over what looked like a lake.

"Ah, crud."

xoxoxo

A/N: I know Corviknight isn't dark- or ghost-type, but it honestly fit Tokoyami better than anything else I could think of (including Murkrow) and I really like the idea of a corvid-themed dark knight. And the reason why I wanted to know whether Uraraka would play Sun or Moon, by the way, was to decide whether Nebula would eventually "evolve" into Solgaleo or Lunala. The answer is Lunala, as seen by Nebula's dress having the Derse crescent moon. And finally, Hagakure got a shiny Eevee. But what will this Eevee evolve into? That's for me to know and you to find out.

Oh and by the way, I don't suppose you guys could suggest any hundred-stat skills? Spoiler alert, but Izuku may or may not finally be dropping some Skill Points and I only have like a few that I've thought of. That would be very much appreciated.

#The Gamer Hero Deku #Gamer Hero Deku #GHD CH12 #fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #bnha

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