Kensei having caught Shuhei working when he isn’t supposed to: What are you doing?

Shuhei: I’m afraid anything I say will probably upset you

Kensei: You’re probably right

Obligatory comic strip for birthday boy, Shuuhei!

Kensei won't show it but yes he a proud dad :))

harrow’s teeth? bad i think. in what way? overbite? underbite? obvoiusly sharp canines, for the hashtag #aesthetic, but what else. gap tooth? gap tooth. that would be so adorable. she’d hate it so much. oh my gosh. can you imagine. yes

MUSIC OF THE LOCKED TOMB

The Sixth House - New Order

"Six for the truth over solace in lies"

The Sixth House has been shown to be many things: Brilliant. Cold. Analytical. Precise. Willing to evolve, and lead the way to something greater.

Sounds like New Order to me.

“New Order? THE New Order? How are they goth?”

We’ll kiddies, gather round as grandpa tells you a story. Remember that New Order was born from the ashes of Joy Division - about as seminal a goth/dark-wave band as can be named. Their early work (esp. ‘Movement,’) is as ice-cold and dark as anything being put out at the time.

Even as they grew in popularity, New Order remained pioneers of synthesizers, drum machines, and the detached, distant vocals of Bernard Sumner. In addition, New Order has never been a warm, charismatic band live. Their videos rarely feature imagery of the group itself.

It’s also worth remembering that New Order is also one of the most successful bands in UK music history, and based on Locked Tomb memes, fanfics, and fan art, the Sixth House is pretty damn high in the popularity index!

In a classic example of better late than never, a Federal Court in Canada ruled on Tuesday that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's invocation of The Emergencies Act in 2022, used to crush the largest and most peaceful protest in Canadian history, was "unreasonable," "unjustified," and "violated the fundamental freedoms" set out in Canada's constitution.

The case was brought to the court by a number of individual applicants as well as several Canadian civiil liberties groups, including the Canadian Constitution Foundation and the Canadian Civil Liberties Association. And in the decision, Federal Court Justice Richard Mosley expressed what every trucker and other participant in the trucker's Freedom Convoy knew to be true: There was no justification for granting the government powers that amounted to near Marshall Law over a protest that was 100 percent peaceful, with no violence or property damage committed—that is, until the Emergencies Act was passed, and the police trampled grandmothers under horses, fired tear gas canisters at journalists within point blank range, beat protesters down and smashed the windows of the truckers rigs, and generally deployed the type of violence that the government had knowingly falsely accused the truckers of engaging in.

The government also froze the bank accounts of truckers, seized donated funds, and shut down of the economic lives of hundreds of Canadian citizens, a draconian measure which shocked the world.

Every protester and trucker who took part in the Convoy knew that the government and it's bought and paid for media were lying to the public about the Freedom Convoy, and though it feels good to once again be proven correct, that doesn't change what happened. It also doesn't change the division in Canadian society which took place under COVID, and it remains to be seen if this ruling will put an end to the ongoing punishments of various Freedom Convoy protesters which continue to this day.

For example, the trial of Tamara Lich and Chris Barber, who emerged as public faces and leaders of the Ottawa portion of the Freedom Convoy, has now become the longest mischief trial in Canadian history. Finally getting underway in September of last year, the trial proceeded in fits and starts into December, and is set to resume in February.

Or take Guy Meisner, a trucker from Nova Scotia, was one of the first to be arrested and charged when the crackdown began after the Emergencies Act was invoked. He will be back in Ottawa near the end of February for the ninth time to face his "mischief" charges.

Then there is the case of Christine Decaire, a woman who protested in Ottawa and was charged by the police, who was acquitted last year; much like this ruling today, however, The Crown has decided to appeal her acquittal. To drag an innocent person back to court is the kind of grossly vindictive behavior on the part of the Trudeau Government that they have become well known for.

There are dozens of cases like this working their way through the system.

And then we have The Coutts Four, a group of men who were arrested in Alberta right before the Emergencies Act was invoked and have been kept in custody without bail nor trial ever since. Hopes are high that this ruling may help change their circumstances, but it has now been two years since they have seen their families, which is a grossly offensive situation, especially in a country where nearly everyone gets bail.

All of these cases point to a level of vindictive cruelty on the part of this government as constituted under Trudeau, who was only too happy to champion the fair treatment of someone who fought on the side of The Taliban in Afghanistan and was later apprehended by American forces. Champion the rights of his own peaceful citizens to a fair trial? Apparently that is beneath the Prime Minister.

Trudeau's deputy, Chrystia Freeland was behind the bank account freezing acting as Finance Minister, and she appeared almost immediately after the ruling to announce that her government would be appealing, claiming to "remind Canadians how serious the situation was." This though all the evidence and testimony presented in 2022 at the official inquest into the invocation of the Emergencies Act found that no threats existed, and everything the media said about the truckers was a fabrication.

Justin Trudeau has remarked in the past that Canada is a "post-national" state that has "no core identity," yet when that identity asserted itself to say enough is enough to the strictures of his punishing COVID Regime, he was only too happy to unleash the full power of his "post-national" state to attack these citizens whom he holds in utter contempt.

It appears that there is no ruling Trudeau will not appeal or lawfare he will not pursue to ensure punishment of the enemies of his party.

Justin Trudeau is not a leader, but merely a narcissistic tyrant. This week was only the latest evidence.

Gord Magill is a trucker, writer, and commentator, and can be found at www.autonomoustruckers.substack.com.

The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

Funky Muguruma Kensei AEIWAM headcanons? Spare serotonins with the blorbos? /j Also what's AEIWAM Mashiro like? She's one of the only characters I genuinely get annoyed by in the canon oof

:)

So the friendship between Kaname and Mashiro is one of my favorite things in the fic so far. Have a spoilerific Scene (Part 1 of ?)

Crickets and Grasshoppers

Scene One of ??? Approximately 7K words Fluff that goes South and won't get (sort of ) better until part 2, warnings for body horror, referenced torture and Emotionally Devastating Betrayal

:)

It was Tuesday November 5th, 1901, Scheduling Day in the Ninth Division and Mashiro was standing in front of the vending machine just down the street from the Ninth, choosing her armaments for the coming battle. 

In other divisions, the actual drawing up of rosters was the job of lower-seated officers and the specific parts of the Division they were responsible for.  Tousen’s friend Komamura has told her once that the 7th Division’s schedule was so predictable, they only looked at the roster once a year when people retired or were hired. A fascinating concept to Mashiro, who listened to Komamura’s tales of the 7th with the rapt fascination of an anthropologist privileged to hear the folklore of distant and largely unknown people. 

The Ninth was… complicated for the sake of simplicity.  Information did not move the same way people did, and while the seventh could pass an inbound soul from the Intake Team to Queue Management to the Registry Office, passing an information project from one subdivision to another was a great way to lose said project. So instead of projects moving from subdivision to subdivision as they reached different stages, subdivisions went from stage to stage, following projects. 

This meant scheduling had to be done every month, but it beat the hell out of a major archive loss or communications failure. 

And it meant that Snackage was in order. 

Mashiro surreptitiously glanced over her shoulder to make sure Captain Muguruma was still overseeing drills in the courtyard, then selected 37 cookies, chips, snack cakes, bottles of pop and juice and other goodies from the machine and paid out of the Division Purse.  

Kensei, bless him, was a deeply honorable man who was so reliable you could set a watch by him and would probably cross actual Hell to help a friend, but he did not understand scheduling, much less the kind of caloric requirements it held. 

-- “You’re just sitting there!  What do you need all that for?” He’d asked her once.

“The brain’s the most expensive organ to run in terms of calories.” She’d explained, rolling her eyes and opening a bag of Barbecue-flavored corn chips. “-I know your brain is a plodding cart horse, but you can’t do scheduling.  You need my thoroughbred racehorse brain, and it needs snacks!”

He’d given up with a disgusted groan of defeat, which was good, because the other reason she needed the snacks would have actually made him snap.  -- Mashiro shoved the snacks into her backpack, checked that Kensei was still distracted by drills, darted back across the street where he might spot her, ran around the back of the division, and jumped up to the third-floor window that had been left open for her. 

“The level of subterfuge this perfectly normal administrative process requires…” Fifth-seat Kaname Tousen groaned from where he was lying on the floor, partially under his traditional low desk. 

“-Is half the fun, you dork!” Mashiro giggled, closing the window after her as she climbed in. “All the autumn stuff is in the shops and vending machines now, and I made sure to get every persimmon-flavored thing they had just for you!” She grinned down at her chosen assistant for scheduling. 

The other purpose for the snacks was Bribery. 

Kaname Tousen was, by Mashiro’s estimation, definitely the smartest person in the Ninth Division, and possibly in the entire Soul Society.  If the world was a fair place, he’d be lieutenant and she’d be fifth seat, but the world wasn’t a fair place and in the week between Graduation with every honor Shin’o academy had and starting as the 9th Division’s 20th seat, Kaname had been struck down with some sort of horrible spinal infection that damn near killed him, made him miss his entire first month and a half of work, and left him with occasional bouts of crippling pain, like today, when he’d decided to risk worsening Kensei’s already low opinion of him by doing his work lying flat on his back on a hot pad. 

Kaname’s services as a Brainiac were much in demand and his availability highly limited, so Mashiro guaranteed her place on his schedule with confection-based compensation.

“I mean, Kensei’s a mean old sack and that’s not great for the division too, but the spy shenanigans and scheduling snacktime really is like, The Highlight Of The Month sometimes.” Mashiro shrugged, flopping down on the floor beside him and  dumping the snacks out between them. 

“Captain Muguruma’s sense of discipline is intense but very necess- ow. Yeah, that’s not happening.” Kaname sighed, laying back down from trying to sit up. “-He’s a good man.  Difficult, sometimes, but a good man.”

“You’re way too nice for your own good. Here’s the Persimmon castella cakes.” Mashiro grunted, handing Kaname the small package and the payroll notes to read. 

Kaname groped across his desk for a clipboard, attached the payroll notes to it, propped them up on his stomach so they were balanced on the edge of his desk, and laid all the way back down, face pointed at the ceiling rather than the notes.  Mashiro opened up a packet of Amakara rice crackers, watching him with interest as Kaname took off his goggles. 

The goggles were what convinced Mashiro he was the smartest man in the Soul Society.  Kaname had been born totally blind, but he had figured out how to mount a pair of tiny cameras in the frame of a pair of safety goggles, which were connected to… he’d explained that the little bricks behind the opaque white lenses of his goggles contained something like an obscenely long and complicated Kido spell that spotted readable characters, ‘read’ them, and turned the resulting text into words that played out of the tiny “Microphonogram Speech Players or ‘speakers’ “ hidden in the legs of the goggles.  So he could read pretty much anything printed with enough contrast (and decent enough handwriting, Captain Urahara) because his goggles would read it aloud for him.  They were much slower than most people read, and sometimes he had to stop work to “charge” the spell that made them work, but they worked a damn treat, and had the added advantage that Kaname himself did not need to be looking at the thing he was trying to read, only the goggles.

So now he unwound the coil of wire that connected the Kido brick to the microphonogram, placed the ‘speaker’ back in his ear, and set the glasses on his chest so he could read the notes while keeping his back and neck pressed to the hotpad. 

True Genius, that.

“I love how the cameras wiggle.” Mashiro grinned, watching the two lenses shift and dilate as they focused on the notes. “They move the same way cicadas and grasshoppers shift their eyes independently to focus. It’s so clever to have them operate like that.”

“Hm.  That was Kakiyo’s design, not mine.” Kaname smiled.  Kakiyo was his adopted and now-deceased sister.  “She was always more of an entomologist than me.”

“Weird that you ended up with Suzumushi the cricket for a Zanpaktou then.” Mashiro pondered.  She liked Suzumushi- that sword, and her own Musabori Kuu Batta (Devouring Locust) were two of less than One Hundred insect-type Zanpaktou in the court guard, and fewer still that weren’t butterflies. She couldn’t really see Suzumushi- no shinigami could perceive another’s Zanpaktou Spirit- but she could hear Batta’s half of the conversation the two would chirp to each other sometimes.

Kaname paused from opening the persimmon cake packaging with his teeth. “...Yes. Bizarre.” he said, with a rueful finality that Mashiro took as her cue to change the subject.

“Right. Where are we on the Agricultural Practices census?” She sighed, pulling the active projects list and next month’s calendar out in front of her. 

“Maegawa-san has requested travel permissions to-” Kaname replied, flipping through the pages, the goggles faintly reading off names as he tracked them with his fingertip. “Ah, ‘pull the damn report out through the East 36th Daimyo’s nose if I have to’, which I think we can call a requisitions expense rather than reconnaissance. Unless you think Lieutenant Fon would enjoy the catharsis as well.”

“She WOULD, actually, that girl is wound tighter than my grandpa’s pocketwatch.”  Mashiro nodded, placing the card for “3rd Seat Maegawa” in the “Out Of Office” Pile. 

And so it went for a pleasant hour, eating snacks and solving the five-dimensional time, space and payroll puzzle of scheduling, with Kaname helping her keep track of the process and who was not supposed to be doing overtime or couldn’t be trusted to work with someone else or on maternity leave or whatever. 

“Alright, I think that’s nearly everyone sorted…” Mashiro muttered, going down the list of all 200 division members to make sure they’d made it onto the roster. “Oh wait, we didn’t put you down!” She giggled. 

“I believe my schedule should be identical to last months while we are still doing data entry into the archives, but I do have a request- May I have this coming Friday off?” he asked. “I have an engagement.”

“Who’s getting engaged?” Mashiro teased, erasing him from the roster that day.

Kaname tilted his head a bit, pointing his ear at her with a conspiratorial smirk. “...Can you keep a secret?”

Mashiro blinked at him in surprise, then gasped with delight and leaned in  “Cross my heart and hope to die!” She whispered back, giggling. 

Kaname regarded her for a moment, teasing. “Love- Captain Aikawa has finally worked up the nerve to propose to Lieutenant Yadomaru.”

Mashiro made a noise like an asthmatic teakettle as she tried to not shriek with delight and deafen Kaname as well, rolling onto her back and kicking her legs in the air with excitement.

“-He wants it to be a surprise though, and Lisa is always going through his bag for his water bottle or whatever at kendo practice and she will notice if his schedule changes, so I need to duck out during lunch today and pick up the ring for him to propose with on Friday.” Kaname elaborated.

“A conspiracy!” Mashiro balled her fists with excitement. “When? Where? Can I come?”

“You got an invitation to Captain Kyoraku’s next moon-viewing party, right?”  Kaname asked and she nodded.  “It’s then.”

“EEEK!” Mashiro giggled with delight. 

“What’re you two giggling about?” Kensei grunted from the doorway, still sweaty from training. 

“It’s a SECRET!” Mashiro glared imperiously, sweeping the snack wrappers out of sight off the desk as Kaname sat up with a small grunt of pain and bowed his head in salute.

“Whatever.” Kensei rolled his eyes. “Tousen. Read your report on the dodgy census statistics and possible disappearances in West 66 and I think you’re right.  Something stinks on ice out there.”

Kaname gasped sharply with relief and bowed his head in gratitude. “Thank you, Sir.”

“I gotta attend a captain’s meeting this afternoon because Urahara has some harebrained new project to show and tell-” Kensei continued, glaring at his battered fingertips where he’d caught a bokto the wrong way during training. “-Saw that Maegawa is gonna be in East 36 and Fukuda’s on maternity leave, so I’m sending every seated officer from you to 15th seat Shizawa out there to investigate and deal with it.  You all need to be at the Kido Corps for teleportation at three. Mashiro, don’t burn the place down.”

“OH COME ON!” Mashiro shouted with disappointment. 

“HEY! No backtalk!  I know you wanna go but someone’s gotta hold the fort-” Kensei glared down at her. 

“It’s not me!  Kaname has to- I mean-” She sputtered, abruptly remembering his request for secrecy.

“It’s alright!” Kaname tried to smile but ended up grimacing at her as he got up. “I’ll just go get it now and it’ll be in my pocket when I get back!” 

Mashiro glared at him for a moment, but sat back down. “Okay. I guess.” She pouted. 

“Get what?” Asked Kensei. 

“A surprise for Captain Kyoraku’s moon-veiwing party!” Kaname grinned at him as he collected his belongings into his satchel by touch.

Kensei pondered that for a long moment, glaring at Kaname. “...How’d you score an invite?”

“Captain Aikawa invited me along.” Kaname explained over Mashiro’s offended scoff. “We were roommates when we were at the academy and he has very kindly kept inviting me along to things despite my not really being able to keep up with him anymore.” 

Kensei regarded him a moment longer. “Huh.” he eventually decided. “Well, see you when you get back from the investigation.” He waved, dismissing Tousen.

“Thank you Sir.  Lieutenant Kuna.” Kaname bowed before jogging off. 

“See you later Kaname-kun!” Mashiro called after him.

“-Even if he won’t technically see yo- OW!” Kensei yelped as Mashiro clipped him sharply under the ear. 

“Why are you so MEAN to him!?” Mashiro glared up at her captain as he rubbed his jaw. 

“I’m not mean! I’m just- it’s just office banter!” Kensei growled back. “I can just not like a guy and still be colleagues with him, okay?”

“No, apparently you can’t!” Mashiro “You’ve been really hard on him and getting on his case and teasing him since day one!”

“-More like day thirty-two, he missed the first six weeks of his appointment.” Kensei grumbled.

“That was literally FIFTY years ago and he was in the HOSPITAL. BECAUSE HE NEARLY DIED!”  She bellowed, probably loud enough for Kaname to hear in the street but it didn’t matter. “Yeah, it sucked, but it wasn’t his fault! I don’t get why you were mad at him back then, and I really don’t get why you’re still mad about it NOW!”

“I’M NOT MAD ABOUT THAT, I JUST-” Kensei bellowed back but then stopped, hand over his mouth. “...He keeps secrets.”

Mashiro stared at him blankly for a moment, face slowly collapsing from bewilderment into disgust. “OH. MY GOD. You’re the one always going on about operational security!  He’s just careful- all the details are in his summarial reports, if you ever read them…”

“I do!” Kensei barked. “And they’re-  I mean, All the information he’s required to fill out is there, and then some.” He sputtered, deflating. 

Mashiro leaned in close, eyebrow cocked at him. 

“...But I keep getting this feeling it’s not the whole picture.” Kensei muttered. 

“Ugh!” Mashiro shouted, throwing her hands up and turning away. “So you don’t like him because you have bad reading comprehension?”

“Shut up! I don’t- there’s just something off about that guy! He’s always taking weird days off-” Kensei started, ticking off a list on his fingers. 

“You mean the sick days from his spinal infection?” Mashiro glared, arms folded across her chest.

Kensei continued to count his grievances “-and taking secret calls in weird corners-!”

“You mean privately scheduling his medical treatment? For his spinal infection?” Mashiro continued to glare.

“-And getting him to go to the fifth or third division is like pulling teeth! What the hell is up with that?” Kensei demanded.

“You mean the divisions that have A) Lieutenant Iba, the woman who has a weird horoscope-based personal grudge against him-” Mashiro asked, mimicking Kensei’s earlier counting, “-and B) Lieutenant Aizen, who also keeps forgetting he has a spinal injury and slaps Kaname across the shoulders every time they meet?  Yeah, I don’t blame him for wanting to avoid two of the most annoying people in the whole court guard!”

“Whatever.” Kensei waved her off. “I’m still right. There’s something off with him. Now get that roster updated and posted!”

“Yes, sir.” Mashiro groaned, rolling her eyes at him and stomping back to Kaname’s office for the Roster.

***

Kaname hadn’t felt this light in years. 

Oh god.

Oh, GOD!

Please, please, please please let this be happening?

He sprinted down the road, back towards the apartment that he and Sajin shared, the small box with Love’s ring in his chest pocket.  He allowed himself an ounce of elation- After all, I am just a young man who has picked up the engagement ring of one of his best friends!  It is exactly what anyone would expect to see-

That was the tricky part of The Curse. 

He couldn’t talk about it, like many curses, but it had the added complication that anyone who looked at him- or listened to him, or put their hands on him, or- 

Well, they’d only find what they expected to find. 

Certainly not a curse. 

But curses cut both ways- The broader and less specific a command for someone bearing a curse was, the harder it was to enforce, and it was harder to come up with a command broader and more open to interpretation than “Help Me Kill God”. So as long as Kaname could argue to the curse that an action did “help” some aspect of Aizen’s plans, he could be inefficient, neglect to mention something important, do an assigned task sloppily, fail to cover his tracks and so on-  Sometimes Other times, the curse would take effect and cripple him until he relented and obeyed Aizen’s command again. Or at least, managed to convince Aizen he was doing what Aizen wanted. 

Aizen hadn’t quite realized it, but he was also subject to his own illusions, and there was a gap- a mirror image, if Kaname understood mirrors correctly- so long as he appeared as Aizen expected, Aizen wouldn’t notice him sabotaging Aizen’s machinations. So for the last three years, Kaname had done his best to appear tired and overworked and failing from exhaustion rather than malice, or like he was starting to agree with Aizen, which is exactly what the narcissist expected after fifty years of mental, physical and spiritual torture. 

It was finally  paying off. 

He’d managed to make the kidnappings Aizen and Gin had been conducting on the villagers of West 56 appear by conducting a census that showed the discrepancy of expected versus actual population.  -And made sure the increased hollow activity in the area from Aizen’s experiments showed up in the 10th Division’s monitoring statistics. - And the weird waves of reiatsu visible on the 12th’s monitoring equipment- not what people expected to see, but by keeping all the evidence noticed by unrelated parties, he kept it out of the scope of Aizen’s Illusions. 

Kyoga Suigetsu took a lot of energy to operate, and Tousen was pretty sure Aizen could only passively fool about 150 at a time- he chose mostly his own division and people he saw daily, like his neighbors and cross-division colleagues, and could only actively alter the reality of maybe 20 people at once- the other captains and a few key would-be witnesses.   So a rural census-taker, and two members at the bottom ranks of other divisions weren’t actively subject to the illusion. 

He had to do it on faith, that someone would notice-

Kaname felt like he’d been holding his breath for weeks now, doing his best to tell Aizen and the constantly-itching nails in his spine that this was a Perfectly Normal Database Cross-referencing project- very boring, but it will be missed if it’s not done, Lord Aizen- and nothing to draw attention to the horrible Laboratory…

…By some miracle, Mugurama had read the report, understood and believed it- Kensei had a naturally suspicious mind, so Kaname made sure the report was full of “It's entirely possible this is all a weird coincidence!” to make him suspicious.  The curse only showed people what they expected to see, and for once, Kensei’s natural pessimistic expectations allowed him to see the truth. 

24 hours.  That’s all I have left.

The only people in the Ninth Aizen had under his Active Influence were Kensei and Mashiro, so he wouldn’t be able to hide the nature of the laboratory from the investigation team without dropping the Active Illusion on someone else and risk discovery- and so long as Aizen didn’t find out about the expedition, he wouldn’t know to make that shift in time.

24 hours. I only need to keep Aizen distracted for 24 hours. 

In Aizen’s personal quarters, The Distraction Apparatus waited.

Aizen was mistaken to force Kaname to do his lab work for him- Kaname understood it better than him now, and had pulled aside a little trick to confuse him. The Hogyoku bonded with its user, almost like a zanpaktou, and communicated with them- it purred when Aizen fed it, and whined when it was hungry.  Aizen knew about Suzumushi’s Bankai- he’d insisted Kaname develop it under his supervision, so he would know of all Kaname’s abilities.  But he only knew it from the inside, and hadn’t realized that not only was anyone inside blind, deaf and without any form of sensory input, neither could anyone on the outside sense anyone within. It was worth it to break Suzumushi like that. It was actually her idea, to break the guard of his Zanpaktou and separate the ring from it.  That’s where the Bankai was stored, and with a hell of a lot of practice, he’d learned to cast it remotely.

It had been months before he had an opportunity-  Kaname would never forgive what had been done to that poor angel, but during one of the The Sessions where Aizen was using the Hogyoku to change the angel, Kaname was able to get ahold of the little Illusion box Aizen kept the infernal device in, Secure Suzumushi’s ring to the floor, disguise the tampering with a false floor, and return the box to it’s place without Aizen’s notice. The Ring had been waiting there for months.

24 hours, and the secret will be out. 

He’d memorized Aizen’s schedule- in 22 minutes Aizen would be entering the reiatsu-locked laboratory of the 12th with his own Captain Shinji for Kisuke’s Demonstration, and would not be able to feel Kaname activate his Bankai. When he came back out, it would seem like the Hogyoku had vanished. And for all Aizen would be able to tell, it had- he wouldn’t be able to perceive the Hogyoku or it’s illusion box until Kaname released his Bankai. 

So for now, Kaname acted exactly like Aizen would expect him to act- a little tired, a lot in pain, but elated that two of his best friends were getting engaged, and that he’d be able to help. That was a natural source of excitement, and definitely not any kind of counter conspiracy-

Kaname jogged down the stairs to the apartment, ring box in his pocket, heart hammering, hands shaking a bit as he took out the keys to unlock his door, grabbed the knob that was not there and was suddenly off balance and falling- Into something soft and steady that carefully picked him up like a child’s doll and set him back on his feet, gently taking his hands.

“Are you alright?” Sajin asked, soft, deep voice tinged with concern. “My apologies, I was just trying to do some house cleaning while the weather is mild and had the door open for ventilation.”

“Y- yeah! I’m. I’m alright. Just- distracted. I’ve had some good news!”  He grinned up at his friend. 

“Oh?” Sajin asked, tugging lightly at Kaname’s fingertips to indicate he should step inside.  “Mind your way, I have all the chairs out in the living room so I can sweep.”

They had been living in this garden-level apartment for the forty years since Sajin had followed Kaname into the court guard, and under the same roof at the Akaido City Library for many years before that, and their domestic arrangements settled into a comfortable and comforting routine- Kaname was incapable of seeing grime, so Sajin did the housekeeping, and Sajin would eat raw, expired meat if left unattended, so Kaname did the cooking and shopping. 

Kaname followed his lead, hand reflexively on Sajin’s instinctively proffered arm to keep balance while he unbuckled and took off his boots- the gestures of proximal intimacy had calcified into a secret language between them.

“Thanks-” Kaname stood up and stepped in with a guiding hand on the wall. He could normally navigate the apartment by memory alone. “-I’m only here for a few minutes, I’ve also got a deployment I need to pack for.”

“Deployment?” Sajin asked, following after him, voice slightly muffled from the cloth mask he wore over his face- at least when the door was open.  Being mostly underground had it’s advantages- Kaname didn’t need much light and Sajin possessed almost superhuman darkvision, and the small, high windows that were obscured by bushes gave them enough Privacy that Sajin could relax and keep his face bare at home. 

24 hours.  

Maybe. Maybe when it all came out, and the dust settled--Assuming they don’t hang me alongside Aizen, which was a big If--But once it was all said and done and I still draw breath- Maybe I will have the courage to ask Sajin what it is he feels he needs to hide.Surely, he is far too gentle to be half so monstrous as he claims.

“Kaname?”  Sajin prompted, and Kaname realized he’d been silent for nearly a minute. “S-sorry. I just. Captain Muguruma finally read my report on West 66 and ordered and immediate investigation, so I have to be at the Kido corps by three-” “Kaname.” “Ah, No don’t worry,  I’ll get dinner prepared so you only have to put it under the broiler, and There’s um-” “Kaname.” 

“-I’ll be back by Friday for Love and Lisa’s- Right- Here, I need you to-”  He sputtered, dozens of ideas baying for his attention at once, patting his chest for the ring box- “Kaname!” Sajin snapped, and his giant hands were on Kaname’s shoulders again, turning him around in place to face his friend, gloved hand suddenly under his chin, holding his face up for Sajin to glare at. “...When was the last time you slept?”

“I’m fine!” Kaname tried to jerk back, laughing defensively. 

“You’ve gone to bed after me and gotten up before me, if you went to bed at all for at least a week, and I’m doing maximum overtime. You don't have bags so much as matched luggage under your eyes and can’t finish a sentence coherently.  You’re not touching anything in the kitchen.” Sajin rattled off, giving Kaname’s chin a light shake. “...it’s not yet eleven, and the Kido Corps is less than ten minutes from here. I’ll see to your packing. Lie down. Please.”  

Kaname sighed, shoulders slumping. “Sajin, I- I need to-”

“You need. To sleep.” Sajin rumbled, no room in his voice for argument.

Kaname panted for a moment, realizing that if Sajin wasn’t holding him in place he’d be swaying with exhaustion. 

24 hours.

…I can spend one or two of them resting. 

If I don’t manage to prove my innocence, I’ll want to have at least this to think about on the gallows.

“...Stay with me until I fall asleep?” Kaname asked, voice soft. “It’s just. It’s been a lot.” “Of course.” Sajin hummed, rubbing his cheek. “I also need to, ah- use facilities, first.” he grimaced, and Sajin let him go. 

“I’m coming in after you if I think you’ve passed out on the floor.” Sajin threatened. 

“That happened ONE TIME-!” Kaname protested, following the wall to the bathroom.

Once inside, he checked the time again. 

If the meeting had stuck to schedule, they should be inside the 12th’s labs now.  

Kaname sent Aizen a test message to his Soul Pager. 

> Mandatory Status Report: Muguruma handed me a sudden assignment. Won’t be back until Friday.

If he was outside the Reiatsu-locked lab, that missive would have Aizen furiously calling him in under five minutes. He timed it, relieving himself and washing his hands as he waited-

Nothing.

“Here goes…” he muttered, hoping the sound of the bathroom fan and the running water would cover his voice. He focused, feeling the silver ring start to rotate in his mind, the way it multiplied and stretched, the rings dancing a circle on that which needed to be concealed-

“-Bankai.” He whispered, skin tingling- 

-And suddenly he was keenly aware of the hogyoku and it’s illusion box, as though he were holding it, both wholly contained and hidden by his Bankai.  

It is done The distraction is set. In a few hours, all will be revealed to the rest of the court guard. There. All I need  to do now was follow the assignment like I was told and investigate the- the-

-He suddenly he felt the Bankai’s draw on his power and he collapsed over the sink, retching and knees shaking with how weak he felt. The skin on the back of his neck prickled and almost tasted like vinegar in the back of his mind,  high-pitched ringing between his ears. 

The nails sizzled ominously but there was no power behind it- It’s alright- I can- I can deal with this. Just breathe, come on dumbass, you just need to keep breathing for another 24 hours.

“Kaname? Sajin called.

“Nothing broke!” Kaname called back, forcing himself to his feet and stumbling back against the wall.  He tested the Bankai again- It holds. Very convenient of you Suzumushi, that I only need to cast and feed it, rather than concentrate…

Suzumushi chriped distractedly, her focus on maintaining the Bankai. With her concentration, the illusion would hold even as he slept. Cold water on his face and neck, trying to make himself vaguely presentable and the room stop spinning as he stumbled out- oh, Sajin is right here, how thoughtful of him…

“It’s alright, just follow me…” Sajin soothed, guiding him along to the Thick Futon and large collection of pillows they used as a couch- nothing with legs would bear Sajin’s weight for long. He allowed Sajin to pull him down, settling beside Kaname until he was wedged between Sajin’s giant body and the collection of cushions, head on his friend’s chest, listening to his heartbeat- A little slower than mine, and steady- always so steady- so- 

Kaname was asleep before he completed the thought. 

---

Scene two: 23 hours later

“It’s just up this way Mister Shinigami!”  The boy said, his hot little hand pulling Kaname along. 

They’d gotten to West 66 and Kaname had realized he’d been wrong to worry about looking like he already knew the way to the Laboratory- Iruka Village had taken some fairly extreme defensive measures against the kidnappings since the last time he’d been forced out here- Barricades errected, bridges taken out, and even the road torn up and replanted to hide the route to the village. Kaname was entirely turned around before they even set foot in the Village and started asking the peasants if there was anything unusual nearby.

Fortunately for the expediency of the investigation, one Young Shuuhei Hisagi was extremely eager to help, giving them a detailed accounting of the strange activities at the old foundry, where someone had turned one of the kiln’s back on and there was “An ‘lectric” generator and it smelled a lot like someone was cooking rancid pork but he’d never seen anybody there, even when he went into the basement because he wasn’t ascared of it, weird that there’s a basement, nobody makes basements here as it’s a swamp-

Kaname felt his skin go cold when he realized the boy had somehow gotten inside and made notes and even poked some of the machinery, but given he hadn’t tried to actually chew Kaname’s arm off as he lead the Ninth Division Investigation team to the Lab, he was probably uncontaminated…

“There’s a hill an’ it’s on the other side- mind the branch.” Young Shuuhei was one of the great tragedies of the poor parts of the Rukongai- whip-smart and observant and thoughtful, but illiterate from the lack of teachers, and likely destined for an early grave if the statistical average lifespan out here held true.  His Reiryoku shimmered at the edges- with a little training and a better diet he might even make for a good Shinigami. 

Maybe if I live through this I can get him a scholarship.  Kaname mused, trying to think about literally anything but the nauseating familiarity of the smell creeping over the hill. 

“Mr. Hisagi?” he asked in the polite voice he’d cultivated as the Head Librarian to indicate to children he was taking them very seriously.

The Boy snapped to attention. “Sir?”

“Thank you for leading us here, but I absolutely cannot allow you any closer. It’s extremely dangerous here-”  he started to explain.

“I been in before! An’ the door’s trickylike you gotta pull the handle up and in and rattle it to get in and then prop somethin’ in the gap or it locks back behind you-”  Shuuhei explained, gesturing  like Kaname could see him demonstrating. 

“-And you were lucky to get out in one piece! I also need you to do a very important job.”  Kaname sighed, familiar with this kind of kid- slightly too bright and kind-hearted for his own good, but reliable at a task- “-I can hear that some of your friends have followed us from the village.  They’re about a quarter mile behind us-”

“Dangit Suichi-!” Shuuhei muttered under his breath. “-Yeah that’s probably my little brother and his friends. You want me to go chase him back home?”

“Precisely. Also, tell everyone to get indoors and stay put until they get an all-clear.  Just in case something goes wrong, I need everyone to stay safe until re-enforcements arrive.  So go get everyone back home and inside, alright?” “Yessir!” Shuuhei snapped a salute and Kaname heard some of the other Shinigami giggle behind him.

“I’m glad I can rely on you.” He nodded, and shooed Shuuhei down the road. The boy took off, hollering for his brother.

“I didn’t know you were so good with kids.” Laughed Sixth Seat Todo Izaemon. “Cute little thing too-”

“Being in charge of the West 51 Children’s Intensive Literacy School teaches you how to get along with them.”  He shrugged. “Alright, I can’t sense anything, but that doesn’t mean danger is not present.  Even numbered seats- go west and approach from the north. Odd numbers, we go east and approach from the south.”

“Sir!” Izaemon nodded, the next ranked officer. 

Kaname approached the building at a crouch, straining to hear- the brief nap Sajin had insisted on and six-pack of illicitly acquired 4th Division “Stamina Supplements” were doing what they could for him, but everything  hurt and Suzumushi’s Bankai was even more draining than he’d anticipated and he could barely sense more than a few feet around him. But he found the door- Shuuhei was right, the Handle was starting to go out of alignment- Up and in, right? Yeah- and when nothing behind it exploded, he cautiously stepped in. 

“Nobody ran out our side Sir!” Izaemon called and Kaname acknowledged him with a nod. 

“What the hell IS this place?” Seventh-seat Akishita asked, looking around the room.  This was the main floor of the laboratory, where the bulk of Aizen’s butchery was done- the whole place reeked of rotting flesh and sulfur- byproducts of the ‘Hollowfication Process’, and Kaname very nearly tripped on a groove gashed into the floor that hadn’t been there last time. 

“That looks like an office or control room up there-” Kaname said, pointing to the partial second story that took up the west third of the building that he REALLY hoped was still there. “-Akishita, with me. Lets see if there’s a schematic or something.”

“Sir!” She agreed. 

Oh good, it is still there. He thought, trying to not pant with pain- oh god, his eyes were burning and spine felt like it was actively dissolving he was so TIRED- He touched his watch, checking the time again. 

24 minutes.  Come on, just a little more-

He got to the door at the top of the stairs, Akishita behind him. 

“Are you alright Sir?”  She asked.

“What?” He jerked towards her. 

“You seem… really off today.”  She frowned. He could sense the shape of her this close, and the way her hand on the hilt of her Zanpaktou. Maybe just resting, maybe not. 

“I- I haven’t been sleeping well. Nightmares.” He gulped. That was actually entirely true.  Still the nails sizzled louder and he winced. “-I -I might need to put in for sick leave when we get back.”

“You really should.  You look awful.”  She nodded, hand off the hilt. 

Kaname nodded, and carefully opened the door into the control room. He felt Akishita turn, making sure nothing unexpected followed them as he stepped in- no traps, but a strange sort of coldness- not a draft, like a there was a block of ice in here-

The door slammed shut behind him. 

“Heya Goggles!” a boy’s voice drawled behind him. 

-Or a snake. 

Kaname froze, skin going cold as Akishita called for him from the other side of the door.

“Gin?” He asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“She’s right, you look like shit!” the boy laughed, activating a Kido seal that barricaded them in the room.  “-Boss sent me to talk to you because the CRAZIEST thing happened at the Captain’s meeting this morning!”

“-Please tell me Urahara’s latest crime against nature maimed him?  I could use some good news.”  Kaname groaned, complaining like usual, like nothing was wrong. There was more shouting from the main floor. He braced himself, feet under his shoulders, feeling Gin’s aura twist as he decided on an angle to strike from.

“Oh nah, Aizen-sama is wrapping things up and planting evidence over at the 12th right now, that’s why I’m here!” Gin laughed. “No, Your Boss Muguruma stopped everyone before Urahara’s demonstration to tell everyone about this report you submitted sayin’ several hundred people had vanished in West 66!  The other haoris were all horrified, I tell ya- Captain Hirako just about shit bricks!  Hollerin’ Aizen-sama’s ear off about it the whole way back to the fifth!”

Kaname gripped Suzumushi’s hilt.

“Oh now don���t be unfriendly!  I even got somethin’ for ya!” Gin laughed, and tossed something his way. Knowing better than to catch anything he threw, Kaname waited for it to hit the floor-

PING!

-Stomach turning over as he recognized the metallic chime of Suzumishi’s ring. 

“Neat trick by the way- Aizen must have spent ten hours turning over the fifth looking for the Hogyoku!!” Gin laughed. “-He didn’t actually find it neither, if it’s any consolation. But he has me, and I got…Abilities.” The boy leered as Kaname Swiped the ring from the ground- Suzumushi had been strangely quiet, and only now did he realize that at some point the sensory illusion of his Bankai had been reversed. Louder yelling from the main floor and the sound of Akishita preparing a Hakudo Kido to blow the door in on the other side. 

“-Shit.”  Kaname growled, reconnecting the ring to the hilt, Suzumushi whimpering in pain. 

“Madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory he is!” Gin chuckled, then surged forward. Even on a good day, Gin was nearly impossible to block and tonight-

“-Sorry goggles, but I got orders. Rikujokoru!” he hissed fingertips on kaname's sternum, and Kanane was slammed to the ground, six beams of Kido energy hitting his middle, paralyzing him completely. “Aizen-sama says if you can get outta this and get home you can live, but if I’m honest, I don’t really like your odds-” Gin explained, walking over to the control panel and flicking it on, the machines whirring to life and something rumbling beneath them. 

…Basement. Kaname realized. The boy said there was a basement- there wasn’t one last time?

There was a loud hissing as vents opened and gas streamed out of the floor into the main room, the sickening scent of rotting fruit comingled with melting plastic- The Hollowfication Compound? It’s a gas now!?

The shouting turned to screaming.

Oh God.

The screaming turned to roaring. 

Oh god, no. Please-

“- 'Specially not now.” Gin leered, patting him on the shoulder as he turned to leave. “Bye-Bye!  See you tomorrow-! …Maybe.”

Kaname could hear Gin leaving out the small fire window up at the roofline and he struggled, concentrating his reiatsu in his mouth to speak the counterspell- “-Horses of wind and gale, river of thread- 

-Akishita screamed in the hall, and there was the terrible wet sound of tearing flesh and breaking bones-

“- By Shadow and storm, unbind me!” He hissed, and the spell dissipated with the loud sound of shattering glass. Kaname scrambled to his feet, standing up in time to feel the gaze of ten newly-turned hollows fall upon him. His watch pulsed against his wrist, the timer for 24 hours Going off. 

“Well. I did say it would be over one way or another, didn’t I?” He grimaced, drawing Suzumushi as his former colleagues charged the plate glass that separated them. 

---

Part two approximately whenever I finish it :)

Microsoft reneged on promises it made in court during its Federal Trade Commission (FTC) antitrust trial in 2023 by laying off 1,900 employees in late January, according to the FTC. FTC lawyer Imad Abyad filed a letter with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit on Wednesday, effectively telling on Microsoft. “This newly-revealed information contradicts Microsoft’s representations in this proceeding,” the FTC lawyer wrote. Microsoft announced on Jan. 15 that it was laying off 1,900 workers from its gaming division — around 8% of that part of the company. A large portion of those layoffs were at the newly acquired Activision Blizzard. The percentage of Activision Blizzard layoffs has not been made public, but at least 899 of that 1,900 worked out of Activision Blizzard’s California offices, according to public records.

Nameless Liberty (2010):

Venomous Cell Finale Omega (2012):

10th anniversary (2012):

Division Final Melt (2013):

Magnificent Malformed Box Coda (2014):

Saitegi Standing Live Tour (2014):

13th anniversary (2015):

Dogmatic Un (2015):

Dogmatic Due (2015):

Dogmatic Final (2016):

15th anniversary (2017):

The Ninth phase#4 (2019):

The Ninth Final (2019):

20th anniversary (2022):

Mass Final (2023):

A Theory (or, Jod help me, I'm yanthy posting again)

As per always, I've been pondering the implications of The Unwanted Guest and what it might mean for Ianthe in atn. And I've come to a realization.

(Major spoilers for Nona the Ninth and The Unwanted Guest to follow.)

It's been a hot minute since I've reread htn, but from what I recall, Ianthe generally presents as femme and seems to push "femme-ness" on women in general, to the point that she manipulates Harrow's body so her hair grows out and there's an entire scene in which she dolls up Harrow in preparation for the big lyctor dinner party.

But then in ntn, we see Ianthe: 1. Is strutting around 100% of the time in a uniform that could be described as either gender neutral or literally masculine 2. Is calling herself a "prince" (recall that Naberius Tern was a prince) 3. Has literally renamed herself Ianthe Naberius (a female and male name shoved together, among other things)

(Another detail I want to mention from htn: Ianthe's eye is color constantly changing, showing how she is struggling to assimilate Babs.)

Moving on the The Unwanted Guest, we see Ianthe taking on anonymous dueling opponents and criticizing their form, then recounting Naberius' duel with Gideon as though she were present (she was not).

Now, consider this in light of the other lyctors, who lived for thousands of years without noticing themselves taking on characteristics of their cavaliers or recognizing it happening in the others. You'd think if a lyctor generally started virtually transforming into their cavalier as quickly as Ianthe, somebody would have picked up on that by now, right?

Now consider the one thing that makes Ianthe different from every other lyctor in the series: she ate her cavalier's soul against his will.

My theory is that Naberius is trying to take control of Ianthe. They are a house divided against itself. I think in atn Ianthe is going to be torn apart (maybe literally??) by the division in her soul. Hell, maybe we'll even see Babs take over for a scene. They are already a half-dead Frankensteinian wreck of a human being. Even though Ianthe is far from the worst (in terms of committing large-scale atrocities) character in the series, I think she is going to end up suffering one of the nastiest fates. Because for her, after a lifetime of trying to find a way to prove her worth, losing herself forever is the worst thing that could happen. Ianthe can't prove that she's better than everyone if there is no Ianthe! Ianthe Tridentarius is gone. (Long live İ̵̧̡̛̤̟̗̟͈̼̻̰̺͉̺̂̏͐͆͗͂͊͝ă̴͔̞̺̥͕̗͚͗̏̿̍̏̈́̎̏͊̆͑̚͠ṋ̴͕͕͕̥̰͓͖̬̪̖͖̩͙͗͜t̸̖̘̓̈́͜h̵̛̪͙̯͚͙̲͕̫͓͙̪̽̓̓̆̏̂̒̀e̸̡̛̫͙̩̭̼̙̤̱̪̩̦͇͑͒̂̈́̆̀̐̑̄͜͜͠ ̸͎̣̫̹̱̦̯̘̥̞͌N̵̢̨̢̛̬͉͖̰̖͈̝̦͗́̈̀̈́́̄̕͝͠ͅą̸̧̢̡̩̼̯̯̻͎̯͔̻̺͗̿̽̒̉̑͂̀̋̾̔͐́͘͝b̵̨͎̪͖͍̙̮̎̓̽̾́̉͂ę̷̩̻̼̼̙̯̭̩̘̳̖̅͗͐̍͘͜r̸͕̲̘͚̘̮̙̺̟͙̐͛̏̎̔͛̂̌̓̈́̐̿͆͌̏i̴̠͙̗͎̣̻̽̃͐̇̚͜ư̷̛͙͔͉̅̀͂̎̉͠s̶͙̤̗̻̫̹̯̞̦͔͛͑̌̃̒̏̊̊͌̉̆̄́̕).

Basically, we're going to find out what happens to someone who consumes a soul against that person's will. And it isn't going to be pretty.

Mashiro giving a safety brief to the Ninth division before New Years: And don’t add or subtract to the population unless you plan to.

Shuhei, concerned: Uhm, can we all just agree not to subtract from the population at all? Please?

Kensei: Yes, planned subtraction is called first degree murder…which we do not condone.

Drunk again off another crush (Kensei x Reader)

I wrote this for Kensei’s birthday and because he looks so hot in the new anime episodes. My man needs more fics about him! Also available on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49015216 "Congratulations!" "Yeah, who'd've thought an idiot like you would figure out bankai?" "Three cheers for lieutenant Hisagi!" The boisterous cheering filled the bar, a crowd of shinigami clustered together like a flock of crows in their black uniforms. They clinked their glasses together for the umpteenth time that night, Hisagi grinning like a schoolboy. "Thanks, guys!" he said, his cheeks somewhat redder than usual and his hair all mussed up from Ikkaku and Renji constantly ruffling it, like you would to a puppy. From your little corner of the bar, you watched all this going on, trying to look happy about it even as your mood sank lower and lower as the noise and celebrating grew louder. It seemed churlish to feel left out. This was Hisagi's moment, not yours, a celebration of a milestone that not many shinigami ever achieve. You were happy for him; you knew how hard he'd been working to master it and improve his relationship with Kazeshini. When you'd first heard that he'd finally done it, there had been no doubt in your mind that he'd always had what it took. But although you'd helped to arrange this little celebration, even hanging up some of the decorations with some people from Ninth (you weren't even part of Hisagi's division), and though he'd thanked you when you congratulated him and even given you a quick hug that made you feel all tingly, that was about all that had been said. His friends had arrived, first Kira, Renji and Kira and then later Ikkaku, Yumichika, Iba and Rangiku and he'd been swept up in a little bubble comprised of lieutenants (or near enough, in Ikkaku and Yumichika's cases) and suddenly it was like you didn't exist anymore. Like you said, it seemed childish to complain that Hisagi wasn't paying attention to you. You understood he'd obviously mostly want to spend time with his closest friends, the ones who had fought alongside him the longest and seen him in action the most. Seeing their happiness at his success truly was an amazing thing.

But...was it unreasonable you felt left out? Envious? Wishing you could even come close to having companions that cared so much about you? You didn't think it was, so you'd turned to the nearest available source of comfort - alcohol. You were several drinks in now and even though you'd tried to look like you were enjoying yourself, you could feel yourself growing more and more distressed and isolated, sitting nursing a drink you'd stopped actually drinking a while ago, which had turned unpleasantly watery now that the ice cubes had melted, and you weren't drunk enough for that not to matter to you. You pushed it aside in faint disgust, but now you didn't even have the excuse of not wanting to spill your drink - now you were just sitting here feeling abandoned and stupid. As Kira poured Hisagi another drink, you caught something flicker in your peripheral vision and turned your head to see a captain's robe, a stark contrast to all the black uniforms. Shit, when had Muguruma gotten here? Or wait, he'd been here before, hadn't he? That's right - Mashiro had gotten her hands on a whole bottle of vodka and mistaken it for something much milder. She'd chugged damn near the whole bottle and passed out, and Kensei had been forced to take her to Fourth Division before she did anything else stupid - apparently she had a nasty habit of abruptly thrashing awake and kicking, and Kensei was one of the only people strong enough to keep her steady and not be winded by her famous legs, so he'd vanished for a good chunk of the evening. You couldn't help but wonder if he'd purposefully taken longer than he needed to, so he didn't have to listen to the racket of his subordinate and other lieutenants getting wasted - Kensei was the only person who looked like he wanted to be here less than you did, and the thought was oddly cheering. Misery loves company, and all that. A vague ghost of a smile flickered at your lips, but it died again like a blinking lightbulb. You admittedly didn't know Kensei all that well, except that Hisagi had been fanboying constantly since the official announcement that the three former captains had agreed to return to their old posts. Time had passed since then, but Hisagi still seemed rather starstruck by Kensei, which was just as well - you'd heard he was a hardass, and if you were being totally honest, he kind of scared you a bit. He was no Zaraki or Kurostsuchi, but something about his size, intimidating aura and I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude was simultaneously scary and a little alluring. You could feel where he was from anywhere in Ninth - his reaitsu was powerful and tinged with an unusual aura, probably thanks to the Hollow that lived inside him. You wondered if Kensei was like that all the time or if he relaxed a little more in his downtime. You were certain you'd never seen him smile. As if he could sense your gaze on him, Kensei suddenly looked in your direction, a scowl on his face. You quickly ducked your head to avoid his gaze, cheeks burning.

It was time to go home, you decided. There was no point sitting here moping because senpai wouldn't notice you anymore. You knew how your moods were only amplified when you drank, and you couldn't see the night improving from here. You were stuck in a tar pit of self-loathing of your own making, and besides which, though you were friendly with one or two of the lieutenants, approaching all of them was kind of intimidating. They understood each other in a way other seated members didn't, working so closely with their captains and yet not quite being on their level. It was a weird limbo to be in, for sure. Slowly you got up from the table, and immediately nearly fell to your knees as you stood up. Fuck. The booze always hit harder this way, and it took a lot of concentration for you to skirt around the crowd of people towards the exit, weaving back and forth as you walked. Before you reached that glorious, blinding white rectangle of an exit, a hand suddenly grasped your elbow. "Where are you going?" a voice demanded. You turned around and your stomach did some kind of somersault as you found yourself staring dizzily up at Kensei himself. He was scowling down at you, as per usual, but he didn't seem particularly angry per se - he had a very severe resting bitch face, so it seemed. "Sorry?" you said, which was at least slightly better than "Whu?" which was what you'd been about to say. When you realised, he thought you'd gotten confused on your way to the bar/bathroom, you gave a little shake of your head. "Oh, I'm just - I thought I should go home." Behind Kensei came another raucous round of cheering and a facial muscle of Kensei's twitched. Clearly the celebrations were grating on his nerves as well - however fond of Hisagi he was, he was not the partying sort of guy. You didn't know Kensei that well, but you knew enough about him to know that every sound of glasses or bottles clinking and sloshing beer on the ground was no doubt grating terribly. "You're in no fit state to walk home by yourself." Kensei pronounced, but before you could get indignant over this, he sighed. "I'll walk you back to your quarters." What?! "Oh, um, that's kind of you, sir, but it's really not-" you demurred - the thought of walking home with Kensei Muguruma at your side was an alarming one. "It's not up for negotiation." Kensei overrode you bluntly, so much so that you found yourself unable to muster a second stab at refusing. His hand went to your shoulder, and he began steering you towards the door. "Come on. From here on, it's their problem if one of them passes out in a puddle of vomit." You paused and made a face at the idea. "Yessir." ~ You were right - walking with Kensei Muguruma was an intense experience. Granted, it wasn't like he was shouting at you for drinking or asking you tricky questions. Instead, he was surprisingly quiet, keeping an eye on your ungraceful gait out of the corner of his eye, but otherwise he seemed content to walk through the winding streets of the Seireitei - you'd told him where you lived, and it wasn't so far away that either of you felt the need to whip out Shunpo. Anyway, as Kensei had pointed out, the fresh air would help sober you up some. Despite that, though, the silence had a tinge of awkwardness to it. Kensei was doing you a favour, but you got the sense he was regretting having offered. Your mind was in a whirl of confusion and alcohol, and you wanted to find something to say to make the journey feel a little less of a daunting voyage. Kensei's reiatsu washed over you like a heavy wind that hints at a thunderstorm - occasionally your arm would brush his haori and the hairs stood up on your skin when it broke out in goosebumps. Kensei didn't seem to notice. "Why were you sitting by yourself?" he suddenly asked - not looking at you but keeping his eyes straight ahead. You're taken aback by the question and your answer is vague. "Oh, well...I'd said my congrats to Hisagi, so I didn't want to get in the way while he was with his friends. His other friends." you said, lamely. "It felt rude to just leave in the middle of his celebration." "Tch. His friends are spoiling him. Most people don't get a fucking parade thrown for them for achieving a bankai." Kensei muttered, and you shot a surprised glance at him. But though his words were dismissive, his facial expression wasn't disgusted or scornful. Perhaps grumbling was Kensei's idea of speaking fondly of someone. "Why did you come, then?" you asked, seized with a sudden boldness - perhaps Kensei's candidness was infectious. "You don't seem like a... party type of guy, sir." "I'm not," Kensei said, waving a hand impatiently. "But I don't begrudge the kid. I worked him hard, and he gave me the results I was hoping for. That deserves recognition." Huh. You gave a hum of agreement and turned your attention back to the path in front of you. It seemed Kensei was right - you did feel a little more sober. Walking no longer felt like a tricky task that required all conversation, though you didn't regret your decision to leave. You doubted anybody had noticed you were gone. "So that was the only reason?" Kensei pressed, startling you. "You were just too scared to talk to him around his lieutenant friends? Or were you hoping something was gonna happen?" You nearly choked on your own saliva at the blunt phrasing. Kensei really didn't pay much attention to social niceties, did he? You chewed on the inside of your cheek. You'd never examined your feelings regarding Hisagi Shuuhei in detail - you knew he liked Rangiku. Kensei knew he liked Rangiku. Everyone and their mums probably knew it. So having feelings for Hisagi had never really crossed your mind, because they were doomed before they'd even had a chance to take root. But explaining all this to Kensei made you uncomfortable, so instead you simply said: "We're just friends." "Really." Kensei drawled, and was it your imagination, or was he messing with you? It was hard to tell with his deadpan manner of speaking. "Yes, really." you said, a little huffily. "And if you don't mind, I'd rather not discuss it further." "Tch." You both fell silent again, and you could feel heat creeping up your cheeks. It occurred to you that perhaps Kensei had had some alcohol to loosen his tongue a bit himself, it was just nowhere near as obvious with him since he was so big and beefy - it would probably take enough alcohol to knock over a horse before he started to show ill effects. Though you didn't know who in their right mind would give alcohol to a horse. You knew where you were now, and you glanced at Kensei. "I can take it from here if you have somewhere to be." you said, then added belatedly. "Sir." "I don't." Kensei replied, and you snorted. "Why do you care about where I'm going or what I'm doing, anyway?" you suddenly asked him, feeling like you were teetering on the edge of something. "Thought you didn't want to talk about that anymore," Kensei said. "I'm not, I'm talking about you." you replied, bouncing onto the balls of your feet like that might help you reach Kensei better. He scoffed and glanced away, and you took a moment to admit his side profile, that firm jaw and the shape of his nose. The impressive fluff of his mohawk and were those piercings you spied in his ear? Hot. "Just noticed you around, is all." Kensei said, his throat bobbing when he covertly swallowed. "When you come by Ninth." Oh? "Oh?" you asked faintly. Kensei had noticed you? But why? There was nothing special about you and he was a captain, and a Vizard, to boot. Everyone was curious about them, even if the topic of the reason the reinstated Captains had been forced to leave was often skirted around. Was it possible you were hallucinating this and were still at that table, passed out drunk? Now Kensei turned to face you and you weren't able to pull your eyes away from him in time - specifically his bared chest, his firm abdominal muscles and that famous 69 tattoo emblazoned across his skin, the ink still bold and clear even after over a century. He caught you looking, but he didn't seem to mind it. "Yeah," he said, and his eyes slid to your lips, where a faint shimmer of lipstick still sat from when you'd gotten ready hours earlier. It was like it was choreographed. A beat of silence ticked between you, an internal debate that lasted both a moment and a lifetime. Then, before you had time to doubt, to convince yourself it was all in your head, Kensei moved, surprisingly quick for a man his size. You had no time to process before a large, gloved hand curved around the back of your neck and you were being pulled in for a hot, demanding kiss that left you breathless. You could faintly taste rum on his lips, and your back met the wall, Kensei's body shielding you from prying eyes. Your hands moved immediately to comb through his mohawk as he kissed you, and Kensei growled in response, his teeth pinching your bottom lip, enough to make you squeak. His hands roved up and down your body, one of them settling on your waist where you'd donned a brand-new sash for the occasion, his touch hot and firm and making you shiver deliciously. His reiatsu covered you, but this time you relished the staticky feeling of it, the tingling zipping across your skin. Fuck. you thought. No words were exchanged during all this. You'd both passed the need for them - your bodies did the talking plenty. When Kensei finally released you, straightening up to his full height again, you were amused to notice he had a smear of sparkly lipgloss collected on his bottom lip. You felt out of breath. "That was..." you said and broke off with a huff of breathless laughter. "Yeah," Kensei agreed, running a hand through his mohawk in a surprisingly self-conscious gesture that, at present, seemed like the most endearing thing ever. His eyes went back to your lips, but he didn't move to kiss you again. You understood - when you pushed yourself off the wall, the world wobbled a bit before righting itself. Sobering walk or no, you were still on the drunken side. You smiled awkwardly at Kensei, though pleasure squirmed in your stomach when he offered you a very slight one back. He reached out and his thumb brushed just underneath your bottom lip, wiping away some smudged gloss. You stood stock still while he did this, mesmerised by this simple movement. "Should I...?" you said, but you weren't sure how to finish that sentence. Kensei's smile turned into a smirk. "You're going to go home and sober up." he told you. "I think you've had enough excitement for one day." You licked your lips. "And after that?" you dared to ask. Kensei's smirk widened a bit, and his hand rumpled your hair. The next thing he said made your stomach clench and heat rush to your face. "And then you'll come by Ninth and we'll see if we can't find another reason to start celebrating."

dad!pantalone ii.

summary. the eighth and ninth both adore [name].

trigger & content warnings. slight angst (but only if you squint), fire & accidentally lighting a harbinger on fire. no-one gets seriously hurt though.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, slight angst. pantalons & child!reader, la signora & child!reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns used for reader. < previous | next >

author's thoughts. i sort of implied where in genshin's timeline we are in this post; collei is implied to be present as one of dottore's subjects and is suggested to be around [name]'s age!! so yk, several years before the traveler appears in mond.

without a doubt, pantalone absolutely adores his child. for them, he would tear down teyvat in its entirety.

he's completely enamored with them. he's always spoiling them; his love language is gift-giving, after all, especially in their case. he has the mora to spare. what else would he use it on? funding dottore's experiments? pfft, please. he'd rather spend it on his lovely child!! it's his money, he can do what he wants as long as it doesn't noticeably affect the fatui's funding. additionally, he finds himself cherishing physical touch just as much as he does gift-giving—the fatui agents in his division claim that he's generally less irritable if he has his child in his arms while he's working.

of course, pantalone can't always have them around. he doesn't want them to be too deeply involved in his fatui work... not yet, anyway. it'll be a different story when they're a little older. personally, he thinks they'd make a very impressive fatui debt collector one day; everyone's already terrified of upsetting them. if they became a debt collector, such fear would increase tenfold. they'll end up joining the fatui one day regardless, so why not as a debt collector?

for the most part, he doesn't trust anyone to watch them, not even his own business partner. what fool would trust il dottore with a child? not pantalone, that's for certain, especially since this particular child is his heir, his flesh and blood. the regrator knows about what the doctor is doing to that little girl with eleazar. archons forbid that kind of treatment was directed at his gem. dottore and all of his segments know damn well not to bring any kind of harm to them, but still. the ninth would rather not leave them with the second unless it was absolutely necessary.

he settles on enlisting the help of la signora.

as arrogant and cunning she is—what harbinger isn't, really?—the regrator knows very well how fond she is of his child. he's not blind to her blatant affections towards them.

(little did he know, sometimes she wonders if this is the child she never got to raise with her lover gifted to her by the heavens above. signora knows better, but the thought is comforting. she even shared her name with them. such a sweet little one shouldn't be calling her a name like la signora.

the first time they called her 'mother rosalyne,' she may or may not have shed a few tears, knowing very well that their mother seemed to have disappeared off the face of teyvat after leaving their newborn self with pantalone. 'they don't have a mother,' she thought to herself one day, 'so I will gladly take up that role. no harm shall come to them for as long as I live.')

he has little issue leaving them alone with her, as they also seem quite fond of the woman.

one day, she suggests teaching them to harness pyro based on the old art she learned at the akademiya. no need for a vision, she insisted—all they need is patience. she expected him to reject the idea, but to her surprise and delight, he gave her permission to do so as long as she doesn't forget that they will be making public appearances in noble society soon enough. as such, they do need to have some restraint. she gladly agrees to his terms.

signora quickly discovers that they are a very fast learner. they take her lessons very well. what a smart little one they are! she thinks it's very funny when they accidentally light the balladeer's coat on fire. he was not happy. the fair lady, however, found it absolutely fucking hysterical. she praised them in secret for it!

"you are very, very important," she had said, "there are very few people on teyvat that could hurt you and get away with it. the balladeer is not one of those people, so by all means, light him on fire again, my little flame <3"

she is creating a firey (literally and metaphorically...) little noble. pantalone doesn't really mind.

they are very important, indeed, and if la signora is encouraging that ideology, then he doesn't care whose coats he will need to replace.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

Rip Curl could just have had three brand ambassadors, one for the men's line, one for the women's line and a trans person for a body inclusive line. But no they did the lazy thing and fired the woman and have a man wearing women's clothes.

By Shay Woulahan January 28, 2024

An Australian brand that specializes in swimwear for surfers has come under fire after bringing on a trans-identified male as one of their “female” brand ambassadors. Rip Curl’s controversial move comes just months after the company dropped Bethany Hamilton, a shark attack victim, for voicing her opposition to trans-identified males competing in female sporting competitions.

Rip Curl cut ties with Hamilton in November 2023, despite her status as one of the most celebrated female surfers in Australia and abroad. The decision came after Hamilton publicly opposed gender ideology policies which permit males to compete against women.

Last February, Hamilton shared two videos to her Instagram account questioning October 2022 guidelines adopted by the World Surf League, in accordance with the International Surfing Association, which granted males who claim a transgender status permission to compete against female athletes.

“Is a hormone level an honest and accurate depiction that someone indeed is a male or female? Is it as simple as this?” she asked. In her follow up video, she questioned the policy again. “Am I just a hormone number? Is it as simple as that?”

In her reaction to the new guidelines, Hamilton had also threatened to boycott the World Surf League, and has been outspoken in support of fairness in women’s sports on social media since.

On January 24, Rip Curl posted a video on their women-focused Instagram page, Rip Curl Women, which featured Sasha Jane Lowerson, a trans-identified male surfer.

In the description of the video, Rip Curl described Lowerson, 44, as “a West Australian waterwoman who loves the freedom found in surfing, disconnecting from the mainstream, and the feeling of dancing on constantly changing waves.”

Seemingly anticipating a flood of negative responses, Rip Curl locked their Instagram comments in an effort to limit discussion on their new ambassador.

Lowerson competed successfully in men’s surfing competitions prior to identifying as a “woman.”

“With a commitment to maintaining a positive space for all, we have disabled our comments. Thank you for your understanding,” the sportswear company added.

Lowerson drew criticism in 2022 after taking first in both the Open Women’s Longboard and Open Women’s Logger events at the West Coast Suspensions state championships. Just three years prior to competing in the women’s category, Lowerson, competing under the name Ryan Egan, had taken a top position in the men’s category.

Lowerson had previously celebrated the updated guidelines by World Surf League in February 2023 which permits men to compete in women’s swimming competitions if they reduce their testosterone below a level known to be much higher than what women naturally produce on average.

In advance of the ruling, Lowerson had already been competing in women’s competitions. In March 2022, Lowerson placed ninth in the Noosa Festival of Surfing, becoming the first “trans woman” to compete in surfing at the professional level. Two months later, he placed first in the Open Women’s and Women’s Logger divisions at the Western Australian State Titles. 

In an interview with THEM, a pro-trans publication, Lowerson said he began surfing many years ago but didn’t begin identifying as a woman until his 40s.

“I’ve been a professional longboard surfer for many years. And in that time, I hid in the closet basically. I tried to transition at 19 and again at 29. And now, in my early 40’s, I’ve been successful.”

Reacting to Lowerson being platformed by Rip Curl, many women online expressed anger that the brand would drop a disabled female surfer, only to then work with a male surfer who competes in female competitions.

Many women called for consumers to boycott the brand.

“Company @ripcurl hired a MAN to advertise their women’s line, rather than an amazing female athlete. Amazing. They hate women don’t they. Don’t buy anything from these people. #BoycottRipCurl,” one critic said on X.

“Imagine dropping an athlete that survived a shark attack and went onto be one of the best surfers in the world for a mentally ill Man competing in women’s surfing? Seriously Ripcurl? #BoycottRipCurl,” wrote another woman.

#BoycottRipCurl has been trending on X for the last two days as women continue to express their outrage.

Lowerson has made his Instagram account private following the backlash. However, Reduxx was able to obtain photos from the page showing Lowerson modeled sexually suggestive outfits with captions that related to his surfing career.

Since news of Lowerson’s partnership with Rip Curl first broke, female athletes have spoken out against the brand and in support of Hamilton.

Swimming Champion and activist for women’s sports Riley Gaines called out Rip Curl on X, encouraging her followers to boycott them.

In a follow-up post, Gaines stated: “Encouraging to see so many people reply that they’re throwing out their Rip Curl apparel and pledging not to buy from them again. I didn’t know people still wore Ripcurl anyways. RIP Rip Curl.”

Gaines has been outspoken against the inclusion of male athletes in female sports after she was forced to compete against Will “Lia” Thomas in the 200 freestyle final at the NCAA Women’s Championships in 2022. Gaines and Hamilton are expected to join forces to host a story hour for children on 2nd February in Springfield, Missouri to celebrate the launch of their new books, “Happy No Snakes Day” by Gaines and “Surfing Past Fear” by Hamilton. Trans activists are expected to protest the family event.

Skateboarder Taylor Silverman also chimed in to condem Rip Curl. Silverman has also been outspoken against males competing in female sports since voicing her own experience being displaced by males participating in women’s skateboarding.

Anyone else thinking that when this guy won his last event in a men's competition he saw a lot of younger competition and knew that his days surfing professionally was coming to an end unless he did something drastic?

"The 25- to 34-year-old age bracket is the largest, with 24 percent of the total surf population.

Surfing is dominated by youth – as 71 percent of the total surfing participants are in the 6- to 34-year-old age range. 

In fact, 87 percent of all surfers are younger than 44 years old. "

A quick Google search confirms that "sasha" is 44.

The original Gotei 13 members illustrated by Tite Kubo

First division captain: Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto

Second division captain: Chika Shihōin

Third division captain: Kinroku Izuhara

Fourth division captain: Chigiri Shijima

Fifth division captain: Danjirō Obana

Sixth division captain: Furōfushi Saitō

Seventh division captain: Nobutsuna Shigyō

Eighth division captain: Batsuunsai Katori

Ninth division captain: Entetsu Kumoi

Tenth division captain: Furuoki Ōtogawa

Eleventh division captain: Yachiru Unohana

Twelfth division captain: Uhin Zenjōji

Thirteenth division captain: Saizō Sakahone

I read your Being childhood friends with Baji fic and it was amazing! Could you do one where they find out he’s in Toman by kidnapped by a gang to lure him out. You can choose what gang will reveal his big bad secret.

thank you anon! sorry it took so long to get back to your ask :') wasn't really feeling this one but i hope you like it!

Link to childhood BFF Baji HCs

Masterlist

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Oof, I would say that if there is any one particular gang that would be incentivised to drag you into the dark world of delinquency, it would probably be the ninth generation Black Dragons. They would already know about Kazutora, given how he lives in their turf, and a bit more digging would easily reveal Baji's connection to Kazutora and the newly founded Tokyo Manji Gang. And from there, with a little bit of stalking, they would find out about you.

Clear as day, you stood out like a sore thumb as Baji's biggest weakness - all it took was a glance to know that you were nothing more than a regular school-going kid who was as far from being a delinquent as the moon was from Earth, and that Baji was a big cheese around you. And so the Ninth Generation Black Dragons would scheme and plot to find the best way to use you against Baji, lure the First Division commander out seperately and settle him first before turning on the rest of Toman - it would be much easier if there was one less person to fight.

The sheer panic that rushes through Baji's head when, at the end of one school day, he comes round to pick you up from your classroom as he always does, only to find you missing. You would never leave school without your best friend - as Baji had insisted time and time again "for your safety" - and that could only mean one thing; this black-haired baby boy shaking down your classmates, shouting at them and demanding answers as to where you went, who you left with. Face pale when the description starts to match what Kazutora told him, Mikey and the rest of Toman, and then it came out that they had even left a note behind - it was the Black Dragons. They had to be the ones behind this.

No doubt Baji would like nothing more to rush off and find them and find you and beat the living shit out of them. His heart pounding out of his chest, his brain nothing but turmoil. But on the outside, he looks calm. Almost eerily calm. Puts the classmate he had grabbed by the collar of their uniform back down, and then just walks off without another word. Autopilots as he wanders the street, thinking what his next move should be, his mind screaming at him to go and rescue you this instance, that who knows what those dirty bastards could be doing to you.

Instead, for once, the First Division Captain decides to do the rational thing and call up Mikey and the others to explain what had happened. The note had warned for Baji to come alone, but with you and your safety on the line, there was no room for error. Wasn't hard to track you down - Toman was already familiar with where the Black Dragons' territory was, and from there deduce where they could be holding you (this baby boy could be smart when he needs to be).

‎‎

And as much as Baji hated to let you see him as anything but that caring, protective childhood friend, desperate times call for desperate measures. The fear that you would be scared of him, that you wouldn't want to be friends anymore if you saw him fight, was paralyzing, but the rest of the Toman founders assured him that they would help out. You were no doubt surprised to see Baji come flying in along side the other five Toman founders through the door of the place where these delinquents were holding you captive, your jaw dropping open as you watched your best friend's fist sock the jaw of one of your captors, the crack of bone loud and clear.

Sure you had been kidnapped, tricked into leaving your school with someone who claimed that Baji sent him, but to be fair they hadn't done anything to you but tie you up to make sure you didn't make a break for it. One of the delinquent boys was even nice enough to make a cup of tea for you when you asked. You had never thought of Baji as a fighter, even though you knew he was part of a 'gang' of some sorts, so suddenly being confronted with the fact that your childhood friend was capable of such violence? In that moment, it was clear that this force of nature wasn’t Kei-chan, the gruff, good-natured, and girl-shy boy you grew up with. No, this was Baji Keisuke, the Tokyo Manji Gang’s First Division Captain. It was certainly an eye-opening moment when you pieced together everything you knew and learned.

There definitely comes a point when you do start to fear the boy you thought you knew, when you caught sight of that predatory glint flaring up in Baji's eyes as he lets his anger out on these Ninth Generation Black Dragon delinquents, positively hissing that they have no right to drag you into this world, and that they should have kept their filthy hands off of you. Finally, when all the beating and bashing is done and the defeated gang are left sprawled across the floor does this boy comes crawling back to you, complete with the imaginary perked up ears and wagging tail, just so happy to see that you were safe and unharmed. Only to have his heart immediately shattered when you flinch as he approached you to free you from your restraints. No doubt tears start to well in his eyes as his stomach drops - you were scared of him? You couldn’t even meet Baji’s gaze, frightened of seeing that savage look again.

All you wanted to leave and be alone.

Baji had expected it to a degree, that showing you his violent, protective side would scare you; but he had expected that you would quickly come round to it. After all, he had just shown you to what extent he would go to keep you safe. This baby boy wanted to ask if you were okay, to tell you that you were safe and everything would be fine, to beg you to look at him, but all that came out was a whimper. Which is when the rest of the Toman founders would jump in. Obviously, they couldn't leave their heartbroken friend to wither by himself - Mikey, Draken and the others would take their payment from Baji in endless teasing about being lovesick later.

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Mitsuya and Pah would stop you from leaving, leading you to sit back down somewhere more comfortable with almost uncharacteristic gentleness, while Mikey and Kazutora would outright lie. Swears up and down that Baji wasn't a real delinquent, didn't regularly fight, and that they had never seen him so vicious - must have been because you were involved. And then Draken would encourage you to give Baji a chance after buying you a new drink to replace that tea, listen to your friend's side and what he had to say, even guilt tripping you into "seeing just how sad" the very down black-haired boy was. Would let you go after playing with your emotions and making you feel bad for doing so, but none of the Toman boys would be letting you out of their sights just yet.

Just because Baji was too sad to stalk you like he usually did doesn't mean his friends wouldn't step up to the plate. Making sure that you were at school and safe from bullies, that you weren't attempting to make other friends, they just generally helped to keep an eye on you while Baji pulled himself together (which he eventually does after good hard slap to the back of the head from an irate Draken).

This baby boy even buys you flowers and chocolates just to apologise for scaring you after getting a good earful from his mum, and despite your apprehension, you eventually start believing the lies. Would take you to formerly introduce you to all his friends, and as expected, turns absolutely red when Mitsuya teasingly asked if you two were dating. Maybe it was just because you wanted your best friend back, maybe it was how convincing Baji and his friends were, or maybe it was just how nice everyone seemed and that you couldn't imagine any of them as delinquents, but you were happy to be back together with Baji once more.

Swears to himself to step up your protection even further - which means more stalking, more regular beatings, and more preemptive beatings of anyone who is even the mildest threat - because Baji cannot afford to let you get dragged back into his dark underworld again. Doesn't know what he'll do if you leave him for good.

Why dies tousen hate horoscopes?

Scene: Ninth Division HQ, about 10 years after Turn Back The Pendulum and a few years into the regular publication of The Seireitei Bulletin, The Gotei-13's officially endorsed monthly periodical, produced by the 9th Division, of which one Captain Kaname Tousen is Editor-In-Chief: Tousen could feel the sizzling aura well before he ever set foot in the 9th divisions courtyard, and a good ten minutes before the loser of the hasty break room janken tournament coughed nervously at his office door.

"Yes, Hashimoto?" he sighed.

"The. Uh. The Captain-General is here to see you." Hashimoto stammered. "Actually he's right here in the hall if you want to-"

Yamamoto strolled up to the threshold of the door but did not quite step inside. There were rules, and even The Great Genryusai Yamamoto was beholden to them. "Captain Tousen." he spoke evenly.

"Sir." Kaname stood up and bowed as Hashimoto sprinted back down the hall. His footfalls did not entirely cover the sound of others slinking closer to eavesdrop. This was the 9th, and Kaname would be the first to admit he'd be a little disappointed if their meeting wasn't being carefully and discretely documented by several division members.

Now that he had been acknowledged, Yamamoto stepped in. "At ease." he nodded, and Tousen shifted positions a bit into an easier but no less cautious stance.

The Captain-General went to stand in front of the window beside Kaname's desk, looking down into the courtyard of the Ninth, or perhaps the extensive collection of Bird feeders a confused but earnest Ukitake had gifted Kaname over the years*. "...Captain Iba has been to see me."

Tousen winced. Third Division Captain Chikane Iba, mother of Young Tetsuzaemon and Astrology Fanatic, was Kaname Tousen's third-greatest personal nemesis, and that was only because he had not yet figured out how to Murder Aizen and Gin.

"She claims you were rather sharp with her when you turned down her proposal to include a Horoscope in The Bulletin." Yamamoto continued, watching an exceptionally round bird with dramatic black facial markings hop between feeders, sampling the wide variety of seeds available.

"The contents of the Seireitei Bulletin are not the concern of anyone except the Ninth save in terms of veracity, and to that end, there is not, and will never be, a Horoscope in The Bulletin." Tousen spoke as evenly as possible, but the acid in his voice dripped through.

"I am aware this is not actually my problem," Yamamoto nodded as the little bird settled on a feeder full of safflower seeds. "-But Captain Iba seems determined to make it my problem, so I am politely asking you to make it cease being a problem at all."

"As I said, the foremost requirement of any information or article in the bulletin is that it be, to the best of our ability, accurate and true. In that sense, no horoscope has ever managed to pass the first requirement of publication." Tousen stood up straighter. "I cannot help it if Captain Iba chooses to believe in patent nonsense, but I absolutely refuse to indulge her childish and cruel superstitions."

Yamamoto turned to look at Tousen. "Cruel?"

"A horoscope is, fundamentally, a means of arbitrarily grouping people into various stereotypes based on the accident of their birth. Several of the stereotypes are as cruel as they are inaccurate. For instance, everyone born in from late August through September is a quarrelsome slut, according to her favorite theory of divination."

"...That doesn't sound like Sajin at all." Yamamoto muttered.

"Putting the fraudulent pseudoscience and outright fabrication of all the Zodiac's so-called facts to the side for a moment- It encourages prejudice in a very literal sense. Deciding whether you will be worshipful of or nemeses with someone based entirely on a date, and not one hint of their actual conduct!" Kaname waved his hands evocatively, trying to avoid raising his voice in from of his commander. "Furthermore, predestination is a callous philosophy- to say that our fate is written in the stars is as good as saying that any unfortunate circumstance someone may be born with is 'just how things are' and encourages an apathetic neglect of one's fellow man- if this is destiny, why bother trying to improve things? Worse still- if the stars dictate that someone be born with some misfortune, it is implied also that they *deserved* this misfortune somehow, and heaps the further misfortunes of guilt and being perceived as wicked onto people who were already suffering!"

"...You can tell why I cannot give even the barest hint of endorsement to this kind of thinking." Tousen sighed, gesturing to his face.

"Hm." Yamamoto nodded, watching the birds for a moment. "Your point is well-taken, but this still leaves Captain Iba and her cohort to be dealt with."

"I can lead a horse to water sir, but I cannot make her think." Tousen shrugged.

Yamamoto snorted with amusement. "She did say you compared Astrology rather unfavorably to livestock waste. What was it, Stupider than..?"

"I believe my exact words were that if one were to channel the entire farm animal waste of the rukongai for 100 years into a single location, one would still not have a pile of shit as spectacular as this stupider-than-sheep-smegma attempt at prognostication. Sir." Kaname mumbled.

"...Your former career as a Librarian really enhances the quality of your work." Yamamoto nodded, turning from the window and stepping closer to Kaname, head bowed conspiratorially. "Would you like some advice?"

"Sir?" Kaname tilted his head to point an ear at the old man.

"Understand that you shouldn't follow this advice too often, but I feel like it might help in this situation." Yamamoto cautioned.

Kaname nodded, curious.

"If you do something badly enough the first time, you will not be asked to do it a second time." Yamamoto explained with an audible grin in his voice.

Kaname blinked a few times, processing that, then broke out in a small, hopeful smile of his own.

"You understand. Good man." Yamamoto nodded, affectionately clapping Tousen on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Sir." Kaname grinned. "If you can remind me, When is Captain Iba's Birthday again?"

"September Fourtheenth." Yamamoto replied with a speed that indicated he'd looked up and been waiting to tell Tousen that date all morning. "As you were then, Captain Tousen."

"Thank you, Sir." Kaname bowed.

"I look forward to your next publication with great anticipation!" Yamamoto cheerfully called over his shoulder as he turned to leave, chucking quietly at the sound of manic typing already emanating from Tousen's office.

---

*Upon Tousen's extremely unfortunate promotion to Captain, an entirely good-natured and generous Ukitake had asked Tousen if he had any hobbies, with the intent of trying to get the poor thing's mind off The Tragedy, and scoping out an appropriate end-of-year gift for his new colleague.

Unfortunately, Kaname had been in a foul mood on account of the horror show his life had become, and had sarcastically replied "Bird-watching."

"Oh of course!" Ukitake had replied without missing a beat "-You ryouken is so sensitive you can probably pick a thrush out of a thicket a mile off, and you must be excellent at identifying bird calls!" And then proceeded to gift Kaname varying types of bird feeders, baths and houses until the small porch outside Tousen's office had become a stronghold of the Audubon Society.

Kaname did have to admit, Ukitake was right- with a little practice he *had* gotten quite good at using his spiritual sense to identify the hundreds of birds that passed through the Ninth, and the Birdsong both a comforting blanket of white noise and early warning of Gin's approach were it to suddenly cease.