Not Covid, not migrants, not doctor’s strike, Tory government decision.

i have several complex chronic health conditions and one of those conditions is hyperhidrosis which for those who don't know is excessive sweating which can be localised such as just the hands or just the feet or just the armpits etc or generalised which is all over the body or several areas all once or craniofacial which which is localised to the head and face area. I have generalised and craniofacial and it is absolutely soul destroying, it's embarressing and debilitating, its uncomfortable and stops me from doing so much. I did however begin treatment for it last year which although initially took some time to find the right doasage and some time for it to start wprking fully, did eventually work absolute wonders! As it turned out the medication i was on for the hyperhidrosis also seemed to work on the symptoms of my conditions too! As it was a medication uused to treat bladder urgency and spasms of the bladder it therefore helped with that issue (so well) but... it also stopped the spasms in my back and my bowel, i felt fantastic on it, id never been better, yep thats right there's a BUT coming!.... The tablets stopped being manufactured! they were no longer available, just like that! No warning, no chance to prepare, just stopped! So there i was with no medication and left to go back to suffering! I had by this time been discharged by the dermatogist as the condition was being managed and under control. So i had to start back right at the beginning, back to the gp to request another referal to the dermatologist, to be put back on their waiting list, and then to wait for an appointment and then the sress of trying to get someone to give me a lift there (as i dont drive and no public transport goes that way), all while being left untreated and just like that all the above mentioned conditions returned. Eventually i got my appointment and i'm now on a different medication but it is proving not to be anywhere near as affective, i still have uncontollable attacks of sweating, my bladder has become over active again and the spasm is back in my back. I feel aboslutley awful, in pain, slugglish, sweating and habbing to dash to the lav what feels like every five minutes and half a dozen times during the night. It has left me feeling extremely dejected and depressed, disappointed and so upset that i had my miracle cure all right there, only to have it snatched away and it is competely out of my control because it's just gone, it's not like i can try and fight to get it back because it's just not being produced. So here i am once again miserable, sad and at a loss. It just goes to prove that no matter how good times can be it can all be taken away and lost in a hearbeat, just like that!

The NHS is hell (gynaecology edition)

Six weeks ago I had a pelvic prolapse of some sort. This caused varying levels of pain and discomfort. I havent been able to walk anywhere, or stand for more than a few minutes before experiencing pain. At the end of the worst days I have to push my insides back in.

I obviously went straight to my GP who was unable to examine me because it hurt too much to even get a finger in. At that point I basically didnt have a vagina, it was collapsed and squished, of course it was going to be tough to get a feel. GP referred me to gynaecology to get an ultrasound.

SIX WEEKS LATER I finally have an appointment. I get in (partner in tow for support) and am immediately asked:

Doctor: "Why are you here?"

Like??? Didnt you read the referral? MEe: "I've had a prolapse" Doctor: "How many children?" Me: "None" Doctor: Pauses and looks confused

Now, whilst it is far more common for people who've given birth to have a prolapse, it absolutely is not the only thing to cause one. I fall into basically every other risk category, it is NOT a surprise that this has happened.

Then I was asked to give my entire medical history and all the meds Im currently taking.

Like?????? WHY dont you already have that information???? I've waited six weeks in on and off agony, unable to leave the flat, holding out for this appointment, and now I have to spend the first half of it giving you information you should already have.

We move on to a physical examination. I explain that despite taking a pill to stop my periods, surprise! Im having a period. I have brought stuff to get me sorted and cleaned up (I use a cup, cant really be examined with that in) and explain Im happy to go get sorted so we can do this.

Doctor makes a rude comment like "If you'll let us examine you" like I didnt just make it clear I was happy to be examined. So now Im wondering wtf did that referral say? My GP hadnt been able to examine me because of intense pain when she tried, not because I didnt let her.

So I get myself sorted and lying on the examination bed. Im already very uncomfortable with being poked about down there for multiple reasons but I always suck it up because they're medical professionals and are here to help. For extra context, I have a skin disorder down there which means I tear very easily, things have narrowed or disappeared entirely, basically you have to handle me with care. I havent had sex in nearly six years due to discomfort both in and out.

Doc comes over, lubes up and dives straight in. If I hadnt just pulled my cup out of me, this in itself would have caused great pain. She then moves around wildly to get a good feel, hitting a tender spot and making me yelp.

"Oh, did that hurt?" she says, clearly surprised.

"Uh, yeah??" I say incredulously. Of course it fucking hurt. I have something out of place in that area and you just tried to scramble my eggs.

Doc abandons her examination and goes back to her computer. I am not given anything to wipe myself down with so Im left with a mass of lube and fluids for my pants to just deal with I guess.

I was then told I was being passed on to the womens hospital who will "make sure youre doing your kegel exercises properly" "I havent been given any kegel exercises though?"

Doctor looks surprised and slides a hand written note over to me. It has a website name for me to look up and learn from there.

Then it was over.

Without telling me ANY information about what was happening with my body. So did I have a prolapse? Did I not? Did she feel everything was fine? Did she feel something wrong?

I DONT KNOW

Im exactly as clueless as I was before I went in there, and now a little traumatised from the experience.

I waited six weeks, unable to live my life in that time, only to spend £20 I dont have to go to an appointment I didnt need. I was referred to get an ultrasound from gynaecology and instead I got an aggressive examination and then palmed off to the next clinic without a care in the world. I clearly stated when I went in that I am autistic and have ADHD but even if I wasnt I think I would have still been shook from her (lack of) bedside manners. I still dont know whats happening to my body. I still dont know what I should be doing, or not doing, to help this issue.

All I know is that I didnt get what I was referred for and now I cant pay my bills.

And I still have to stuff my insides back in on a bad day.

Writing in the Daily Mail,  Boris Johnson claims the the UK has a golden future ahead. He has one week left as prime minister.

I have to wait 2 years to get a neurospicy diagnosis?!

For the love of fuck give the NHS more money. Increase my tax 1% or something!

If any one could even donate a few pounds to help my little brother get the surgery he needs it would be much appreciated. He has been in hell the last two years, being told he is delusional and crazy but in fact the NHS has failed him, his eye surgery has been proven to be needed and urgently!! Please help this 21 year old man have his life back.

Revealed: the damning figures that show the NHS can't cope with patient demand

St George’s University Foundation Trust’s A & E department Pic credit: health trust If you thought the NHS was at breaking point and want to know why – the National Audit Office have today provided a handy fact and figures guide to the decline of the country’s most cherished service. A new report from Parliament’s financial watchdog charts the scale of both the failure of the NHS to respond to…

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I hate the “fears for patient safety” headlines that crop up when nurses and junior doctors go on strike. We started the pandemic with 1/3 the intensive beds per capita of Germany. Tory cuts to the NHS over the last 13 years make all of us have fears for our safety 365 days a year.

May Day Solidarity 2

A quick visit to support the nurses on their picket line today. #NHSstrikes #NHSCrisis #NHSStrike #NHSPAY #Solidarity #SupportTheStrikes #leftwing #socialism #SocialistSunday

Beautiful essay from Alice Sprawls reflecting on her struggle to get an “elective” hip surgery and the human cost of the hollowing out of the NHS

The timing was a coincidence but it made vivid the counterfactual. In the other world, I was still on crutches; in this one, I was free. There I was still racked with pain, sleep-deprived, drugged to the hilt; instead I am myself again. The last day of the doctors’ strike coincided with the spring budget. Around half a million teachers, civil servants, lecturers, Tube drivers and others were striking too. In his speech, the chancellor announced no extra money for the health service and said nothing about how the government intends to find more doctors or improve their pay and conditions. He said nothing about the anguish driving a private sector bonanza or the surgeons who earn thousands of pounds a day in private practice. While he was at the dispatch box, I was at the office, editing the LRB. In the other world, I was still lying on the downstairs bed at home, shaking my futile fist at the TV.