#ngl I wanna be in the middle between them
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I like hound dogs on their knees
(full on boosty)
#weird ass pose yeehaw#yeah these two bitches again yea#ngl I wanna be in the middle between them#I wanna be jerry........#homelander#billy butcher#william butcher#butchlander#the boys
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✮ a whisper of our love ✮
TW: don’t let the cute visuals deceive you this is pure ANGST to fluff, delulu bada strikes again, bada doesn’t know how to process her emotions but it’s okay she’s trying, reader is a chronic sweetie pie no one hate on her or i’ll find you, character death, guns, blood, descriptions of injury, grieving, emotional trauma, survivor’s guilt!! flashbacks in this fic are indicated by italicized text, sweet smut (dom & top!bada sub & bottom!reader, fingering–r!receiving, oral–bada!receiving, finger sucking–bada!receiving, scissoring/tribbing whatever you wanna call it–both!receiving obvs, tit sucking–r!receiving, a bit of spit… sorry, lots of praise & fluffy love–r!receiving) aftercare happens out of the fic
SUMMARY: bada confronts years of profound emotional turmoil to embrace the depths of her affection for you.
WC: 16.1k…no comment
A/N: find more information about this au on my masterlist! ...here it is!! the long-awaited official first kiss + first i love you, as well as first time together as a couple!! ngl i’m really proud of this one. many (not so obvious too) plot points come together this time so keep an eye out for them!! again–please ignore any spelling errors this is so long–& this one might be a bit heavy around the middle part so please take care of yourself!! but enjoy!!
DISCLAIMER: all characteristics portrayed are purely speculation and fiction, they are not meant to reflect bada or team bebe’s actual character, values, or attitudes. please keep this in mind!!
Several months after the Seong incident, it finally felt like things were going back to normal. You got back into the swing of things, embracing your time in the Lee mansion, and rarely leaving unless you got antsy. You became much more vigilant while out, carefully observing your surroundings and never straying too far away from Hyo’s side. Malls, grocery stores, and casual strolls became few and far between, but at your behest. You gained a sense of normalcy staring at the same large walls and divots in your home—happy with your life as it is, everything felt complete.
Bada, on the other hand, who had become increasingly protective to the point she had been somewhat clingy, was finally starting to ease back into her busy work schedule, her visitations becoming rarer. Although you felt a bit melancholic at the fact that she was pulling away from you, you accepted that work would always be a large part of Bada’s life – whether either liked it or not.
Thoughts such as these swirl in your mind as you get ready for a new day, rays of warm beige sunlight peaking through your mesh curtains and swirling in the air of your room. Every part of your body feels relaxed, muscles moving fluidly as you dress yourself up. Today, you’d invited your friends over – with Bada’s permission, of course – for a small get-together. A real one.
They’d been nagging you for days on end about seeing you again, and after finally breaking under the pressure, you invited them to come over and have breakfast with you, then take a nice dip in the infinity pool. You could practically hear the squeals of excitement through the all-caps text messages they’d responded with, all agreeing to your proposal and before conversing about what bathing suit they’d bring.
Now, on the day of their arrival, you get ready slightly earlier than you normally do, preparing accordingly for your friends.
“Good morning, Hyo.” You greet your bodyguard with a smile as you step out of your bedroom.
“Good morning, kid.” She nods. “Up and about already?”
“Yup,” you begin walking down the hallway, Hyo following you without a second thought. “The girls are coming over today for breakfast.”
“Right,” Hyo acknowledges. “You bought all those groceries yesterday for them.”
“Mhm,” you nod. “I need to get started on the cooking so that the food is ready for them when they arrive.”
“What a great hostess you are.” Hyo lightly teases you.
“Please, it’s just common courtesy.” You have a hand in dismissal. “Besides, knowing Jae, she’ll be crying about how she’s ‘so hungry’ the second she gets here.”
“Jae…” Hyo trails off, her mind wandering back to the day you’d been kidnapped, and how the woman had aided in your rescue. “I can tell you two care about each other a lot.”
“We do.” You turn into the kitchen, greeting the staff that’s already busy at work. "She's the first friend I made and the longest-lasting friendship I've ever had."
“How long?” Hyo asks, leaning against the counter as you begin to take out ingredients.
“Let’s see…” you pause, thinking to yourself. “about… fifteen years now, give or take a year or so.”
Hyo whistles loudly, sucking her teeth. “That’s a very long time.”
“It is,” you nod, “but really, it doesn’t feel that way. She’s always keeping me on my toes.”
Hyo snorts, “I can tell.” You lightly elbow her in the shoulder before focusing back on the food in front of you. “So, how’d you meet the rest of them?”
“Through my parents and school.” You start chopping some of the fresh vegetables on a newly cleaned chopping board. “I met Min-Ji not too long after Jae. She was the class president, and I was one of the top students, so we naturally clicked. Our parents also were long-time friends, so that was another factor, of course.”
“Min-Ji… which one was she?” Hyo crosses her arms across her chest, trying to remember the faces of your friends from the party.
“She was wearing a black cocktail dress. She has long black hair–”
“Ah, yes.” Hyo snaps her fingers. “I remember. She had a very mature look.”
“That’s because she’s the oldest out of all of us.” You nod. “Da-Eun is the second oldest. She’s the sporty type.”
“Was she the one that almost attacked me for pulling you out of the house?” Hyo scoffs.
“Yes,” you laugh, “that was Da-Eun. But don’t hold it against her, she’s very hot-headed and protective by nature.”
“I won’t.” Hyo shrugs. “I think it’s important to have friends that care about you.”
“I agree. They’ve all got me through some tough times.” You move around the kitchen, pulling out spices and seasoning the food. “What about you, Hyo?”
“My friends…” she lets out a long sigh. “Are all the Bebe girls, Boss, and you.”
You give Hyo a bright smile, nudging her shoulder, “Aww, you really do consider me your friend.”
“Are you really that surprised?” She chuckles.
“No, I knew you couldn’t resist my friendly disposition.” you wink at her playfully.
“Right…” she trails off. “So what’s on the menu?”
“I’m making kimchi pancakes, and egg rolls.” You say, while beating the eggs.
“Do you need help, Ms. Lee?” The head cook suddenly cuts in, offering to cook for you.
“Oh no, it’s alright.” You kindly dismiss. “I’ve got it.”
The head cook lightly bows before returning to preparing Bada’s breakfast.
You glance at Hyo from the corner of your eye, motioning her to come closer. She raises her eyebrows, but complies. “I still find it a bit strange that all the staff call me Ms. Lee.” You whisper to her.
“Well, you are engaged to the Boss,” Hyo whispers back.
“But we’re not married yet.” You point out.
“In their minds, you already are. You’re the Boss’s wife.”
Hearing it said aloud makes it more real. Although you’ve been living in the Lee mansion, and getting to know everyone, it slips your mind that this large building will officially become your home in a few months. That all the staff will be working for you – though technically they already are – that Bada’s business will, in some ways, be yours as well.
You will have her last name. You will be her wife.
As if in a trance, you move about the kitchen on autopilot, cooking, and eventually cleaning once you’re finished.
And like divine timing, the doorbell from the very front gate sounds, ringing in the living room and kitchen, taking you by surprise. “They’re here.” You mumble, hurriedly plating the kimchi pancakes, egg rolls, and their drinks.
It takes them a few minutes to get past security detail – although Bada agreed to let them visit, her only caveat was that they’d need to go through extensive security, for your protection, of course. But the second they step into the living room, all of their eyes widen, stars in their irises as they take in the diamond teardrop chandelier, and the golden-trimmed decorations glittering in the morning sun.
“This looks like the inside of Buckingham Palace.” Jae awes, her hand covering her agape mouth.
“How do you know what the inside of Buckingham Palace looks like?” Da-Eun raises an eyebrow at the younger woman.
Jae playfully glares at her friend, smacking her on the shoulder lightly. “It was just an expression.”
“Control yourselves.” Min-Ji cuts in, trying to contain the look of utter shock and amazement marring her expression. “We’re in someone else’s home now, so no funny business.”
“Where’s unnie?” Ryung speaks up, looking around the vast living room for you.
“Sorry–” you walk in from the kitchen carrying plates in your hands, Hyo following close behind with some across her arms as well. “I would have greeted you right when you came in but I just finished plating the food.”
“Food?” Jae exclaims, her eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. “You made food for us?”
“You really didn’t have to–” Min-Ji says humbly.
You give them lightly scolding looks as you place down their food on the long dining table. It’s decorated to perfection; a crisp white tablecloth draped over the walnut wood table. Lit candelabras that drip hot candle wax rest in the center and outermost edges, small vases with blossoming flowers accompanying them. And to top it all off, in front of each dining chair, fine china and crystal wine glasses with embossed detailing are set aside next to firmly polished silverware.
“I invited you all over for breakfast, did you really think I wouldn’t serve any food?”
“We thought you would just let the staff make it instead,” Da-Eun admits.
“No, they’re already very busy preparing breakfast for Bada and Bebe.” You wave a hand in dismissal. “I didn’t want to burden them with any more work.”
“That’s so sweet of you!” Jae practically squeals, throwing herself at you and squeezing you tight in a hug.
You let out a small “oof” at the action, but eventually laugh and hug your best friend back. You stay like that only a minute before the sound of tiny sniffles reaches your ears, making you take a step back with a worried expression. Jae stares back at you with tears in her eyes, and a distressed look on her face. “Jae?” You say softly. “What’s wrong?”
“Unnie…” she trails off, her voice getting gradually louder. “You scared me!” She lunges forward, holding onto you like a koala bear while she sobs.
“Wha–”
“When you got kidnapped I was so scared! I really thought I’d never see you again.” She practically wails.
You look up from your best friend’s figure, your eyes locking with the other girls. They all wear solemn expressions, either looking at the ground or staring at you hollowly. Your heart squeezes in your chest, the realization that you hadn’t seen your friends face to face since that day finally dawning on you.
For hours, they must have been waiting at home, terrified out of their minds, wondering if you were dead.
You pat Jae on the back, comforting her. “I’m so sorry I worried you all.”
“We felt like it was our fault,” Ryung speaks up, hanging her head. “If we hadn’t thrown that party, you wouldn’t have been kidnapped.”
“If I’d have just pummeled that creep when I got the chance–” Da-Eun clenches her fist.
“None of what happened was your fault.” You cut in, voice stern. “I agreed to go to the party, despite knowing it would be dangerous for me. It’s my fault.”
The girls seem to perk up at your words, but only slightly.
“And Da-Eun, if you’d punched Seong, you probably would have ended up being taken hostage like me, or worse.” You point out. “Now stop commiserating and eat the breakfast I made for you.”
The girls reluctantly listen to you, all of them choosing a seat before thanking you for the food once again and digging in. Conversation flows easily after that, the topic of Seong and your kidnapping left far behind. Instead, you talk about lighter subjects, like what the girls had been up to while you recovered.
Once you all top off your breakfast, you walk your plates over to the kitchen and place them in the sink to clean them.
“Ms. Lee, would you like me to wash the dishes for you?” The head cook pops out of the kitchen, standing in front of you with his hands behind his back.
“Oh, it’s alright, we should do it.” You say, the girls behind you letting out murmurs of agreement as well.
The cook once again looks surprised but nods, ducking back into the kitchen as you begin cleaning.
"Ms. Lee, huh?" Jae playfully bumps your hip.
You let out a long sigh while chuckling. "I haven't gotten used to it yet."
"Well, you'd better because, in a matter of months, you'll be Mrs. Lee, the wife of the most powerful mafia boss in Seoul." Jae looks up at the sky, a giddy grin on her face.
"When is the wedding, by the way?" Min-Ji asks.
"Ah, we still haven't decided on a date yet," you mumble, having finished cleaning your plate, "but I think sometime in December."
"Oh, winter." Da-Eun nods.
"That’s a beautiful time to get married," Ryung comments.
"You know,” Jae begins. “I always thought Min-Ji would be the first of us to marry,"
"Really?" Min-Ji looks around at you all, a flush painting the apples of her cheeks.
"Well, you've had a boyfriend for what," Da-Eun starts flipping up her fingers, counting. "five years now?"
"Jung-Hoon will make a good husband," Jae remarks.
"Why are you all speaking as if we're already engaged?" Min-Ji blubbers, clearly embarrassed. "We still have a few years before we should start thinking about marriage."
"Yes, you do, Min." You call your friend by her nickname, lightly nudging Da-Eun and Jae in their sides. "You don't have to get married early like I am. It's all on your time."
With your last assertion hanging in the air, you and the girls finish cleaning up before heading toward the infinity pool on the second level of the mansion. The excitement rises between your friends the moment you step onto the terrace, their expressions starstruck at the clear water rippling against the opal tiles at the bottom of the pool.
They hurry over to the pool chairs, set down their bags, and strip their clothes off, leaving them in the swimsuits they had underneath.
"The water's so beautiful." Ryung approaches the pool, dipping her fingers into the water. "Do you go swimming often?" She asks you.
"Yes," you answer while taking off your clothing, your swimsuit catching the morning light. "It's very relaxing on warm days like this."
"I would kill to have a pool this big." Jae grabs your hands, walking you over to the steps of the pool where your friends wait for you.
You all tread in, the water fresh as it cradles the skin of your legs and chest, making you let out a content sigh. There's nothing quite like taking a dip during stifling heat.
As it turns out, wearing a suit during one of the hottest days of the week wasn't Bada's brightest idea. The black-tinted window in her office only manages to absorb some of the sun's unrelenting heat, leaving Bada still sweating in her clothing, huffs of annoyance escaping her mouth every few minutes.
"Ugh," she groans, pushing her work away and sitting back in her chair. She spreads her legs, finding her calves unnaturally stiff—hours of sitting will do that to you, she supposes. Standing up reluctantly, Bada immediately removes her tie and suit jacket, as well as undoes the first few buttons of her dress shirt.
She fans herself with one hand, the other reaching down to grab a glass of water she'd been given with her breakfast. She chugs the liquid down in seconds, sighing when she's finished.
Steeling herself, Bada moves to sit down again but finds her legs still stiff and grunts in mild pain. So she decides not to sit down, and instead paces around her office. She loops about five times before she grows agitated and walks towards the door. She'd been working for five hours, pouring through the ceiling-high proposal documents from another group and was frankly going stir-crazy from staring at the papers.
She opens the door and leaves her office, trudging down the hallway without a destination in mind. That is, until the sound of lively chatter reaches her ears, making her pause and look around with a confused expression. She follows the noises, worry and curiosity itching at the back of her mind.
She finds the source on the second-floor terrace and pauses at the entrance, half of her body hidden in the shadows. Her eyes snap over to the unknown women swimming in her pool, the confusion in her mind only doubling. But then she sees you speaking to them casually, a bright smile on your face as you splash water at the women, all of them retaliating back and causing a water fight.
Then, it clicks in her mind. Today is the day her friends were to come over, Bada thinks. She mentally berates herself for forgetting about it—too caught up in her piles of work to remember. Before she can linger on the thought for too long, your friend's chatter dies down into a calm conversation. Bada steps back from the entryway quickly, her back laying flat against wall. She knows she give you your privacy, but despite her better judgment, she stays rooted in her spot, listening.
"This is so nice," Da-Eun mutters with a smile, relaxing so she's floating at the water's surface.
"So," Min-Ji swims closer to you. "What have you been doing all this time?"
"Not much," you admit. "Just... recovering. I had a pretty nasty bruise on my cheek. It just finished healing."
"Just finished healing?" Ryung frowns.
"But that was a while ago..." Jae adds.
"Seong had a heavy hand," you mumble, causing little ripples in the water by swishing your fingers back and forth.
Away from your view, Bada rests her head against the wall, her eyes staring up at the ceiling as images of your injury flash in her mind. She feels a pit form in her stomach at the memory, as well as a fire burning in her veins. Although she knows Seong is already long dead, it doesn’t stop the deep hatred in her heart from festering.
"At least it healed well," Min-Ji nods, pointing her finger at your skin, which is now free of discoloration.
"Yeah," you ghost your fingers across the skin of your left cheek, remembering how swollen it had been, as well as painted with yellow and purple hues.
Jae watches your movements closely, sympathy in her irises until she realizes something, and her eyebrows furrow. "Wait..." She reaches over and grabs your hand, holding it up to the sun. "Where's your ring?"
You give her a confused look. "What ring?"
"Your engagement ring," Jae says, looking at you expectantly.
Bada freezes in her spot, a feeling akin to a cold bucket of water being dumped over her head washing through her body. A ring.
How could she be so stupid? She never presented you with an engagement ring (not to mention she hadn’t bought one in the first place), although you're both several months into your engagement. If her mother were alive, she'd scold her for her lack of manners and for being inconsiderate of your wants—what most women want more than anything—a beautiful and heartfelt piece of jewelry that encapsulates their spouse's devotion and feelings.
"Oh..." you trail off before Jae’s words fully register in your mind. "Oh. I don't have one."
"You don't have an engagement ring?" All the girls blurt out at once, their expressions a mix between shock and horror.
“I guess we never really got around to it.” You stare down at your empty ring finger, not exactly knowing how to feel. You hadn’t even realized that Bada never presented you a ring.
“Never got around to it?” Jae’s mouth drops. “How do you ‘never get around’ to getting your engagement ring?”
“I’m surprised you don’t have a rock the size of Seoul on your finger.” Da-Eun remarks, shaking her head.
“We’ve been very busy–” you try to explain.
“But it’s a ring.” Jae asserts.
You say nothing in response, lips pressing into a line and eyebrows crinkling.
The resounding silence marinating in the air makes Bada’s stomach drop. You must think of her as an inconsiderate fiancée.
She berates herself in her mind as she speed-walks away, determined to make up for her oversight.
She’ll find you a ring befitting of your beauty.
Bada quickly realizes that finding the perfect engagement ring for you is more challenging than she initially thought. She's scrolled through countless websites of high-end jewelers, observing the sparkle of gold, white gold, silver – every type of finery imaginable. However, every ring she inspects falls short.
"Too gaudy," she thinks as she scans a ring with a disproportionately large diamond and a small band. "Too simple," her eyes scrutinize another ring, containing the smallest diamond she’s ever seen, with an equally bland and thin band.
In frustration, Bada pushes away her laptop, pulling her glasses onto her head and rubbing her eyes. "Why are engagement rings so hit or miss?" she asks the open air, as if expecting an answer.
Funnily enough, she does get a response. "Engagement rings?" Tatter steps into Bada’s office, carrying a large stack of paperwork.
"Tatter, if you are about to hand me another day’s work of documents, I might just lose my mind," Bada groans.
"I’m not handing it to you," Tatter says sheepishly, "I’m placing it on your desk."
Bada only groans louder, dropping her head onto the desk and lightly banging it against the wood repeatedly. "Boss…" Tatter trails off, grimacing. "You’re making me feel bad."
"Good," Bada huffs. "You should feel bad for me."
"Why are you so stressed out?" Tatter sets the papers down before stepping back.
"The ring," Bada rasps.
"What ring?" Tatter asks, her face skewed up in absolute confusion.
"The engagement ring. The one I never gave to my fiancée."
"You never gave unnie a ring?" Tatter says incredulously.
"No," Bada hollowly laments. "Now I’m trying to find a ring for her, but none of them are suitable."
"Can I see?" Tatter asks, motioning toward her boss’s laptop. Bada pushes her laptop in Tatter’s direction, showing her subordinate the screen. Tatter scans the images of the rings, pressing her lips together in thought. "This one’s nice." She points at a ring with a diamond in the middle, and two smaller diamonds next to it, resting on a thin, gold band.
Bada looks at the ring, her eyebrows furrowing. "I guess. But it’s nothing special. Her ring has to be special–"
"You know, rather than stressing out about it, why don’t you just find out what types of rings she likes?" Tatter cuts her off.
"And how do you suggest I do that?" Bada asks monotonously.
"Reconnaissance," Tatter smirks. "And I know just the perfect people for the job."
Bada picks up her head, staring at her subordinate with a wry expression – not quite sure if she should be worried or relieved.
The following day rolls around, the heat from yesterday having subsided into a comfortable chill.
"Hey kid, are you ready to go?" Hyo steps into your bedroom, her hands in her pockets as she watches you finish getting ready.
"Yes," you nod, voice quiet.
Your bodyguard frowns, stepping forward. "What’s with the sad look?"
You glance at Hyo, shaking your head. "I just have a lot on my mind. Sorry."
"It’s okay." Hyo places her hand on your shoulder. She guides you toward the doorway, but not before discreetly pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of your open jewelry box, your rings on full display.
"Why are we going out again?" You look back at Hyo, a dazed look on your face.
"You said you wanted to go for a walk and see the shops, remember?" She reminds you, tucking her phone back into her pocket.
"Oh, right." You nod, perking up a bit. "My mother asked me to pick up something for her at a store."
"Why doesn’t she pick it up herself?" Hyo steps up behind you, following as you begin your strides down the hallway and toward the spiral staircase leading to the first level.
"She’s packing for a trip." You sigh, "Can’t be bothered to leave her home for a second to pick up her designer dress."
"If you’ll let me speak a bit out of line…" Hyo trails off, her words pitching upward in a half-question.
"Yes, of course." You answer quickly. "We’re friends."
"...Your mother is quite the character." Your bodyguard asserts while digging out her phone from her pocket. She unlocks it while staying behind you and out of your line of sight, opening the picture she took of your jewelry box and sending it to Lusher.
She quickly types out, “Here it is,” with the picture attached to the message.
Seconds later, a gray bubble pops up, and Lusher responds. "Great, thanks!"
Hyo hastily sends another message, “We’d better get the ring ASAP. She’s been acting sad since yesterday…”
This time Lusher takes a few more minutes to respond, "Got it. Also, make sure to bring her to the right stores. Boss and I will be right behind you, so make sure to keep her distracted as much as possible."
Hyo texts back a thumbs-up emoji before closing her phone.
"Character is an understatement." Your voice makes Hyo straighten up immediately.
"That’s the kindest way of expressing what I think about your mother. You are my boss, after all." Hyo points out, shoving her hands into her pockets causally.
"I’m not your boss." You say, turning back to glance at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Bada is."
"She’s ‘the Boss,’ but you’re my boss," Hyo explains. "She’s my employer, but my job is to watch over you when she can’t. You’re my superior."
"I don’t like how that sounds." You frown. "Can’t we just consider each other friends rather than deal with the semantics of superiors and subordinates?"
"If that would make you more comfortable." Hyo shrugs. “Anyway, what’s your mother packing for?”
"Her annual trip to Calivigny Island with my father," you sigh.
"Ah, in the Caribbean," your bodyguard whistles. "A private, luxury island that only accommodates fifty guests at a time."
"She usually travels during the summer, but she missed the trip earlier because she and my father were finalizing the deal between Bada and my proposal."
"Tragic," Hyo remarks sarcastically.
"Isn’t it?" you respond, a smile quirking up your lips as you finally reach the stairs and begin heading downwards. You quickly venture down them and out of the Lee mansion while Hyo heads to the garage, taking out your usual black sports car and parking it in front of the perron steps for you. She helps you in, closing the door behind you before pulling out of the driveway of the mansion and heading out of the open gates.
The doors of Louis Vuitton glitter in the darkening horizon like a beacon of illumination meant to attract wanderers in the chilly night. And like a moth infatuated with the light, you step in front of the doors, your eyebrows creased together.
“I don’t know why I feel so nervous,” you mutter under your breath.
“Hold your head up high, kid.” Hyo grabs the heavy handle of the door, using her strength to crack it open. “You have more power and influence than anyone inside that store.”
You take in a deep breath and nod, stepping into the store, a small draft of warm air caressing you like a friendly hug. Inside, a whirl of earthy perfume paired with notes of vanilla, makes its way to your senses. All the decorations are painted with a yellow and beige light, the bags hanging from shelves are highlighted like jewels.
And like a newly cut diamond, you remain unseen for only a second before the older jewels notice your radiance, their eyes finding yours instantly. Women and men in their most elegant and finest clothing appraise you, their irises barely swooping over you before they widen to impossible sizes. They start to whisper amongst each other, your appearance surprising them and causing their eyes to glitter with excitement.
You stride forward, remembering Hyo’s advice as you approach a saleswoman–who is notably frozen in her spot when she notices you coming toward them–before someone steps in your path.
A man carrying a tray with a single bottle of sparkling water stands in front of you, his eyes glistening under the light, and a friendly smile stretching across his lips. “Would you like a drink?”
“Oh–” you breathe out, surprised. “Yes, thank you very much.” You take the water bottle, and suddenly the man is out of your view, circling around you and grabbing the coat keeping you slightly hot in the already warm store.
“Allow me to hang your coat,” he mumbles, tucking the tray under his arm as he gently uses his gloved hands to pluck the clothing off of you.
You look back at the man with a slightly dazed expression but smile. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure.” He bows in front of you before exchanging a brief nod with Hyo and stepping back.
You gather your bearings quickly and walk up to the saleswoman, slightly clearing your throat as you hear the giddy whispering from the shoppers increase. “I’m here to pick up an order.”
The saleswoman seems to have gathered herself in the time her co-worker had taken your coat and offered you the sparkling water because now she’s standing straight and has a semi-nervous smile strewn across her lips. “Yes, of course. I can take you to a private room if you’d like.” She gestures to a room concealed by a curtain carrying the “LV” logo.
“Oh no, that’s alright,” you wave a hand in dismissal. “I’m just here to pick up an order, I won’t be staying long.”
“Please, it might take a while for us to find the order.” The saleswoman insists. “You can relax and enjoy some refreshments while we fetch it.”
You glance at Hyo from your peripheral, who looks like she’s trying her hardest to hold in a laugh. Internally rolling your eyes at her, you nod at the saleswoman. “Alright. Thank you.”
“This way, please,” she guides you toward the secluded room, holding back the curtains for you and Hyo to step in.
Inside, there is a glass coffee table, a large ceramic vase sitting at the center of it with white club chairs circling it. Behind, there is a lit wall with water beading down it, and a large mirror across from it.
You move to sit in the chair, but Hyo’s fast, pulling out your seat for you, an amused smile still stretched on her lips. You give her a light glare but mumble a “thank you” nonetheless.
The saleswoman, who’d stepped out for a second without you even realizing it, emerges again, though this time she’s carrying a golden tray like the man from before with refreshments and towels.
“Would you like a hot towel?” She holds it out for you using prongs.
“Sure.” You say hesitantly, grabbing the towel and feeling its warmth awaken your (somehow still) cold fingers.
The woman sets down the tray on the coffee table, presenting you with small cakes and snacks. “Please, take whatever you’d like, and let me know if you need anything else.”
You nod back, glancing at the delicious slices of cake with an edacious stare.
“And what name would your order be under?” The saleswoman asks.
You mutter your mother’s name, and the worker quickly nods, bows, then leaves the room. The second she’s out of sight, you hear a chuckle come from behind you, causing you to whip your head around with a glare.
Hyo covers her mouth with her hand, as she laughs.
“You’re evil, you know that?” You huff.
“Sorry, it’s really just so funny.” Hyo can’t hold back her laughter anymore, essentially all-out laughing at you. “You looked like a deer in headlights.”
“Because I was!” You exclaim. “I just wanted to pick up my mother’s order; why are they doing all this?” You gesture to the room in front of you.
“I told you,” Hyo briefly takes off her sunglasses to wipe away the small tears of laughter from the corner of her eyes. “You have more power than anyone in here. Of course they’re going to be kiss-ups.”
You sigh loudly, sitting back in your chair. “One order, that’s all I wanted… now I feel like they’re going to make me stay longer.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Hyo agrees. “Just say in the nicest way possible that you want to leave, and they’ll let you.”
“You know, the least you could do is help me out.” You scoff lightheartedly. “I’m still new to this stuff.”
“I could do that…” Hyo nods while trailing off. “Or I could watch you struggle. It’s much funnier.” She bursts into a small chuckle at the end of the sentence.
“I hate you.” You groan.
“Oh come on, lighten up.” Hyo finally stops laughing, but her smile never leaves her. “Why don’t you try some of the snacks she gave you?”
You perk up at the thought, casting your eyes back on the tea cakes and tiny, but expensive-looking foods. You pick up what looks like a small slice of strawberry shortcake and eat it, the creamy filling and delicious jam making you smile widely. When you finish chewing–it takes less than a minute–you hold up the tray for Hyo to see. “Do you want some?”
“Nah, I’m good.” She shakes her head.
You move to place the tray down before she suddenly speaks again.
“Wait. Is there any chocolate cake…?”
Your trip to Louis Vuitton ended up yielding many revelations. Number one, Louis Vuitton has to be the worst case of sucking up that you’ve ever seen or experienced, and number two, Hyo is absolutely obsessed with anything chocolate flavored.
“How many free products do you think are in those bags?” You turn to look back at Hyo, who’s juggling three large Louis Vuitton bags in her arms–one of them your mother’s order and the rest filled with gifts–while trying to take a bite of the chocolate decorations she’d taken off of a cake.
“Too many to count.” She says, voice slightly muffled by the food in her mouth.
You laugh before turning back and walking down the sidewalk, passing by other high-end stores. You continue walking for a long stretch until you register the sound of heavy footsteps not too far away from you. You furrow your eyebrows; Hyo never walks with a heavy step.
You pause, “Hyo, what’s that sound?”
“What sound?” Hyo stops as well.
“Footsteps…” you trail off, looking from your left to your right, then behind. You don’t see anyone else trailing after you, your confusion doubling. Perhaps it was just your paranoia manifesting into phantom noises.
Hyo immediately snaps into professional mode, looking back as well. She reaches under her suit and feels for her gun holster, stepping forward. “Stay back a little, I’m going to check it out.” She advances quickly, her eyes scanning the area with calculating expertise.
When she reaches the corner of a store and an alleyway, she quickly turns into it, her gun held up.
Through the darkness of the night, Hyo is just barely able to make out the shocked faces of her Boss, and Lusher crouched next to the side of the building. “Boss?” Hyo whispers loudly, looking between Bada and Lusher.
“What are you doing?” Lusher whisper-yells back. “You’re supposed to be taking unnie into a jewelry store!”
“I would be if you weren’t stomping your feet behind us so loudly!” Hyo shoots back, lightly glaring at her friend.
“Yah, I told you to be quieter.” Bada scolds Lusher, nudging her arm. “You walk like you’re carrying one hundred pounds of extra weight.”
“Why are you two ganging up on me?” Lusher whines. “I’ll try to be more quiet–”
“Hyo?” Your voice breaks through the chilly night air, causing the three women to stiffen up. “Is everything alright?”
“Yup, yes!” Hyo steps out of the alleyway with a forced smile, giving you a thumbs-up. “Everything’s perfect! It was just some drunk stumbling around.”
You give Hyo a hesitant look before nodding and turning to stare at the passersby across the street.
She quickly ducks back into the alleyway, tucking her gun back into its holster. “Lusher, if you want to keep following us, either lighten your step or stay farther back.”
“Okay, I will.” Lusher pouts, receiving another nudge from Bada.
Your fiancée looks Hyo up and down, noticing the Louis Vuitton bags hanging from her arms. “You’re carrying her bags. Good.”
Hyo smiles widely. “Thanks, Boss.”
“Did the trip go smoothly?”
“Yes, she was a bit out of her depth at first, but she handled all the attention well,” Hyo reports back like a proud sister.
Bada smiles to herself, thinking about you awkwardly speaking to the workers in the Louis Vuitton store, not used to being attended to like a high-ranking socialite. Everything you do is endearing to her–she only wishes she was there to see you sparkling amongst snobbish shoppers. “That’s my girl.” She whispers to herself.
Hyo and Lusher barely catch what Bada said, but in response, they both look at each other knowingly and smile.
“Alright, don’t keep her waiting.” Bada cuts in, shifting her demeanor back to cold. “And make sure she stays warm.”
“Yes, Boss.” Hyo nods then steps out of the alleyway, approaching you with fast strides. “Sorry, I took so long.”
“It’s alright.” You shrug. “I was just doing some people-watching while I waited.”
“Right, well, the car is this way.” Hyo motions forward, only briefly glancing back to see Lusher and Bada’s head peeking out from the corner of the store.
You walk forward without a second thought, your head up in the clouds as you take in the beautiful starry sky, and the cloud of perspiration released when you exhale into the icy air. You walk in silence for the length of a block before Hyo breaks the silence.
“Oh, look, a jewelry store.” She tries to say casually as she stops right in front of it. “All of the pieces are beautiful.”
You pause where you stand, turning to face the store, a pit in your stomach growing. Your bodyguard is right, all the jewelry is beautiful. From teardrop diamond earrings to pearl necklaces and dainty bracelets.
But all you can look at are the rings.
The sign above them reads, “Two hearts, one love, forever in your ring.” You turn away from the store, a lump in your throat and a frown on your lips. Clearing your throat, you mumble. “Should we keep walking toward the car?”
Hyo glances to her right again, seeing Bada and Lusher motioning frantically at her to get you to go inside. “Uhhm, don’t you want to look at the pretty jewelry? Maybe pick something up for yourself?” She suggests.
“No–” You begin, but are cut off by a loud sound.
“Ow!” Lusher’s voice rings from behind the store, her hand rubbing at her foot. “You stepped on me–”
Bada slaps her hand over Lusher’s mouth, her eyes wide and her pointer finger coming up to make a “shush” motion. Lusher immediately calms down, suddenly realizing her mistake and wearing a mortified expression.
“What was that?” You take a step forward, about to head toward the sound before Hyo stands in your way.
“Probably just another drunk.” She says quickly. “No need to worry.”
You try to look over her shoulder, but she carefully pushes you forward and in the direction of the jewelry store. “Okay…”
“Well why don’t we go inside the jewelry store–”
“Actually, can we go home?” You ask, avoiding eye contact with the store and stepping back.
Hyo’s smile starts to twitch. “Come on, maybe just a peek–”
“Please.” You interrupt quietly, looking down at the floor.
Hyo sees out of her peripheral that Bada’s shaking her head and frowning, so she sighs and nods. “Alright, let’s go home.”
You turn and walk away quickly, eager to escape the thoughts plaguing your mind. Your bodyguard follows after you, having failed her mission terribly. Behind you, both Lusher and Bada step onto the sidewalk, the subordinate clutching her head in distress.
“She didn’t even look at the rings!” Lusher exclaims, deflated and looking dejected.
Bada remains quiet, watching you walk down the street, the wind whipping her coat around. “Something’s wrong.”
“Yeah, clearly! We’ll never find a ring for her at this rate,” Lusher says, expressing her frustration.
“No, I mean,” Bada pauses, placing her hand over the right side of her chest. “My heart. It hurts when I see her sad.”
Lusher stops whining, facing her boss with a caring expression. “What does it feel like?”
“It feels like I’m getting stabbed,” Bada admits, her face scrunching up in confusion and pain. “I want to rip my heart out and give it to her. I want to do everything in my power to make her smile when she frowns like that.”
Lusher lets out a deep sigh, sympathizing with her friend. “Oh, Bada…”
“I felt like this when she was taken by Seong,” Bada whispers. “But back then, I thought it was because I was worried about bringing her home safe.” She turns to face her subordinate, clutching her chest tightly. “Why do I feel like this?”
Lusher smiles sadly at her friend. “You’re in love.”
“...In love?”
Love was not the answer, she concluded. No, love could never be the answer. Since you first arrived at her home, Bada made it clear to you that she’d never fall in love with you. So the mental and emotional anguish she’s been feeling for the past few days must have been due to the stress of her work… right?
Either way, whether it was unconsciously or consciously at first, Bada started to avoid you. She found that seeing you less would make the stabbing pain in her heart subside, and even if it didn’t fully fade away, throwing herself into her work was a perfect distraction.
But it wasn’t easy. Obviously, you began to notice that your already few-and-far-between visits from Bada became essentially nonexistent. So naturally, you started to make an effort to see her. You tried to bring her breakfast in the morning like you had during your first month in the Lee mansion but hit a wall.
“The Boss will be taking her breakfast alone from now on,” Lusher informs you, trying to hold back her frown when she sees the excitement in your eyes dim, and how you practically wilt.
“How long?” You whisper.
“For the foreseeable future,” Lusher says through gritted teeth. It’s taking everything in her to not just let you into Bada’s office. But at the end of the day, nothing is stronger than Bebe’s loyalty.
“Oh,” you take a step back, trying to wear a friendly smile but failing. “I’ll come see her later, then.”
Lusher hesitates. “Not to speak out of line, unnie…”
You perk up, looking into her eyes.
“But I think it’s best for your emotional state if you keep your distance,” she advises you, her tone gentle and full of care.
But of course, being the determined and stubborn woman you are, you don’t heed Lusher’s words… to your detriment.
After days of only traveling between her office and her bedroom, Bada finally emerges from her work, having signed and looked over all the documents she’d been given for the week. In her desperation for a change in scenery, she left her office, completely forgetting why she’d been hiding away in the first place.
“Bada!” You call from behind her, a smile stretching across your lips.
The sound of your voice makes Bada freeze. The pain in her heart spikes, and a wave of regret flows through her. She doesn’t respond to you but stays rooted in her spot.
You run to your fiancée’s side, making quick eye contact with her. But the look she wears surprises you. Her dark brown, almost gray irises stare back at you like an impenetrable stone wall, hiding away any emotion she may be feeling.
For the first time in her life, Bada feels like she’s able to successfully hide her emotions. Because hearing your voice and seeing you makes every fiber of her body come to life. Perhaps it's because it’s been so long since she’s seen you.
The days she’d spent locked inside her office or bedroom made the sight of you even more irresistible. Your eyes, which she hadn’t met in what felt like decades shine under the light with an endearing gleam. Your body, which she hadn’t touched makes her fingers twitch, every digit aching to caress any and all of your flesh. Your lips…
Bada has to use all her willpower to stop herself from wrapping her arms around you and kissing you. The yearning her body has to embrace you and touch you drives her mad.
“Lusher was right.” Is all she can think.
…The realization disgusts her.
How could she be so selfish? How could she fall in love with you knowing full well all the torment and danger her feelings will bring you? How could she allow herself to fall victim to your every smile and caring saccharine phrases? How could she when she knows that she may end up laying in the street, sobbing, holding your cold body in her arms while you stare up at her, the light gone from your eyes, and crimson falling from your chest?
Your smile starts to slowly wither, a slightly timid expression encompassing your face. “Bada?” You mumble. “You finally came out of your office.”
A deathly silence echoes in the hallway, not a sound leaving Bada’s lips. She only moves her gaze away from you, instead staring straight in front of her.
“Uhm, I was going to ask you if we could maybe spend some time together?” Your voice comes out low, nervous, and like you’re unsure of yourself.
Again, that nasty tugging on Bada’s heart hits her, but this time she reacts to it by closing her eyes and breathing out through her nose. For her, it’s a method of calming herself down.
But to you, it relays a sense of annoyance you assume she’s feeling.
Once again she doesn’t answer you, making you shift uncomfortably in your spot. You stare at her with pleading eyes, begging her to say anything to you. Even just letting you know that she’s listening to you, and not acting like you’re a pesky fly on the wall, buzzing in her ear.
“I have work to do.” Finally, when she speaks, her tone is clipped, and full of ice.
You physically react, your limbs shaking at her phantom frost. Before you can even open your mouth again, Bada turns and walks in the opposite direction towards her office.
You’re left in the hallway, stunned and wondering if Bada was aware of the trail of heartbreak she’d left in her wake.
And yet despite everything, you keep trying to get through to Bada.
You try because you care. You try because no matter how hard you remind yourself that your union to her was just business, you can’t stop yourself from falling in love with her.
She saved you from your parents, after all. She gave you a home that you could call yours–she introduced you to the Bebe girls, who you now considered your close friends. She brought you into a world of glitz and glamor, while still protecting you and watching over you with the utmost care.
How could you not fall in love with her?
So, with a world of fluttering butterflies nesting in the depths of your stomach, you take in a deep breath and knock on her office door. When you pull your fist away from the wood, you’re met with an uncomfortable silence. Swaying nervously, you play with your fingers, waiting another minute before mustering the courage to knock again.
This time, a small sound emanates from inside, perhaps a loud inhalation or the sound of an annoyed breath. Your stomach turns at the thought.
When you withdraw your fist from the wood, an uncomfortable silence engulfs the space. Swaying nervously, you toy with your fingers, mustering the courage to knock again after waiting another minute.
This time, a faint sound emanates from within, perhaps a pronounced inhalation or an exasperated breath. Your stomach churns at the notion.
"Who is it?" Bada's frosty voice compels you to stand tall, the butterflies in your belly fluttering wildly, creating a tempest.
“It’s me,” you speak cautiously.
For what feels like the millionth time, a hush falls between you and Bada.
“...I’m busy,” is all she utters in response.
You close your eyes and gulp, uncertain of your next move. On one hand, you don’t want to disturb Bada, especially when she sounds visibly irritated. On the other hand, the yearning to see your fiancée again is overpowering. Being separated from her renders the hallways of the Lee mansion colder, your life dimmer, and the world slower in its spin.
“Bada…” you trail off, your voice low and caring. “I haven’t spoken to you properly in days.”
This time, there's little dead air before a chair scrapes against the floor, and her footsteps approach the door. Surprised, you take a step back just before she opens the door, keeping it ajar so you can see her but not enter her office.
“I told you, I’m busy,” she says plainly, her gaze avoiding yours.
Your eyebrows furrow as you try to meet her eyes. “You should take a break; you've been working nonstop for days now.”
“I have to,” Bada defends her actions.
“I understand that,” you nod slowly, acknowledging the stress she must be under. “But it’s not good for your health.”
Truthfully, you didn’t want to say it aloud, but Bada looks exhausted. Bags and dark circles under her eyes, absent before, now paint a picture of fatigue. Moreover, the expression she wears hints at an imminent collapse.
“You should take a nap, or if you really don’t want to rest, we can relax and watch this drama together–” you start to grow excited at the idea, a smile forming on your lips.
Meanwhile, Bada confronts a dilemma. She acknowledges her love for you, plain and simple. She wants to eschew work, opting to watch a drama with you, to hold you close and sleep with the comforting weight of your presence. Yet, her mind brands her feelings as selfish, a slow-acting poison disguised in sweet wine—pleasurable until it brings forth your demise.
“You expect too much of me,” Bada says through gritted teeth, spitting the words out with venom that extinguishes the small smile you’d nurtured.
“What?” You breathe, confusion clouding your expression.
“You ask me to spend time with you, you want us to watch a drama together,” she lists. “These affections you are asking of me–” She cuts herself off, shaking her head with a bored expression. “It is inappropriate. We are not a couple.”
In just a few words, Bada annihilates your world. The meticulously crafted memories of your time with your fiancée crumble, collapsing under the weight of her words. "We are not a couple." The phrase echoes in your mind, torturing you until your ears ring.
You visibly flounder, opening and closing your mouth in genuine shock. “Where is this coming from?” You ask incredulously.
“I told you I would not fall in love with you,” Bada argues. “Our union was a tactical business move that benefitted me and your parents, that is all. You are nothing more to me.”
As if your heart could shatter further, it bleeds in your chest, oozes crimson red, and cries out to be spared. For a brief moment, you're left so shell-shocked that you almost lose all sense of self. Rooted in your spot, you stare into Bada’s eyes as every part of your body pulsates with insurmountable pain.
“We don’t act like we’re in a marriage of convenience,” you fight back, words a hushed and hurt whisper.
She doesn’t respond, simply looks ahead, acknowledging the truth. She hasn’t treated you as a friend for months, let alone an acquaintance for longer.
“Bada. Look at me,” you order, your voice gaining slight confidence.
Slowly, Bada shifts her gaze to meet yours. In her dark brown irises, a storm rages—a tempest of unspoken feelings concealed behind a sheet of ice. Staring into Bada’s eyes, you shake your head with a hurt expression. The woman in front of you is unrecognizable. She doesn’t resemble your fiancée and the woman you fell in love with; she's a shadow, an imitation.
"Who are you?" Your eyes question Bada.
“I don’t know,” her eyes confess.
You take a step back from Bada, tears welling in your eyes. “You are cruel, Bada Lee.” Without uttering another word, you turn and rush away, almost colliding with Lusher, standing around the corner with Tatter by her side.
Lusher watches you leave with a disapproving look. She glances at Bada, who stands stock-still, appearing as if she’d been stabbed in the heart.
Her boss makes eye contact with her. “What? Aren’t you going to tell me off?” Bada says harshly.
Lusher only shakes her head disapprovingly, looking away from her friend.
Bada scoffs, clicking her tongue as she brushes past Lusher and Tatter, heading toward the stairs and the door to the Lee mansion.
Tatter takes a step forward, a worried look on her face. “Shouldn’t we go after them?”
Lusher holds her arm out to stop Tatter from walking ahead. “It isn’t our place,” she says softly. “It’s time for Bada to face her past.”
Blown glass casts colored shadows across Bada’s fair skin. Her grim expression contrasts with the bright colors, and the bouquet of sunflowers clutched between her fingers adds a touch of vibrancy. In front of her, a gold placard engraved with her mother’s name stares back at her.
“Hello, mother,” Bada murmurs into the open air. “I’m sorry; it’s been a while since I’ve visited you. I’ve been busy.” She shifts her gaze to the floor. “I met a woman.” She utters your name with reverence, “You would have loved her.”
She closes her eyes, envisioning your lively and beautiful countenance.
“You’ll be surprised to hear that I'm engaged to her now. We are to be wed in December.”
“You are cruel, Bada Lee.” Her mind echoes your words, and she opens her eyes.
“Well, perhaps not anymore,” Bada steps forward, exchanging the wilting flowers beside her mother’s grave with a new bouquet. The bright yellow sunflowers pop next to the gold, infusing the room with more color. “She made me feel strange emotions,” Bada confesses.
She thinks back to the first time she had a proper conversation with you. You’d come into her office and brought her breakfast, standing tall and confident as you poked and prodded, asking questions about her.
“When she’s happy, I’m at peace,” Bada reflects. Her thoughts then shift to Seong. “When she was taken from me, I was infuriated.” Her fingers unconsciously curl into a fist. She places her hand over her heart, feeling it beat wildly against her palm.
Her heart sings for you, no matter where she might be.
“But I know better.” Bada shakes her head. “I know better than to let myself care about her.” She thinks of the way she’d spoken to you an hour prior–how she’d lied to you– “So I hurt her.” She says, her voice low and full of shame. “I said whatever I could think of to make her hate me.”
Outside, the wind whips violently, thrumming against the mausoleum.
“...Because loving me is a death wish.”
13 years ago
A bright-eyed, 15-year-old Bada Lee steps out of her private school, her eyes scanning the myriad of luxury cars to find a silver Ferrari LaFerrari, the hypercar her bodyguard drives. Suddenly, the sound of a loud engine pulls up next to the curb of the school, right in front of where Bada stands.
“Ms. Lee.” Chung-Hee steps out of the car, a pair of black sunglasses covering his eyes. “Are you ready to go home?”
“Yes!” Bada nods excitedly, heading toward Chung-Hee. He quickly moves to grab her backpack before opening the car door, the silver sides of the car shooting up into the air like wings. “Thank you,” Bada says as she piles in, a wide smile on her face.
Chung-Hee simply nods as he sets her backpack in the front passenger seat before sitting in the driver’s spot. He pulls out of the driving lot with ease, heading away from the school. “How was your day today, Ms. Lee?”
“Very good.” Bada nods. “Actually, I was talking to some of my friends…”
“Seoyoung Lee, right?”
“Yes.” Bada smiles. “She and some others were talking about taking some dance classes after school–”
“Ms. Lee…” Chung-Hee sighs. “You are already very busy with your English and piano lessons, not to mention horseback riding and taekwondo–”
“I know that, Chung.” Bada huffs endearingly. “But this is something I really want to do, not just another hobby my father makes me take up so that I can find a husband.”
Chung-Hee lightly drums his fingers against the wheel. “You’ll have to ask both your father and your mother–”
“Yes, I know that.” Bada makes a cheeky expression. “That is why I’m going to speak to my mother right when we arrive home so that she can convince my father.”
“Ah, your mother is not currently home,” Chung-Hee informs her. “She is buying groceries for dinner tonight.”
“Then will you take me to her, please?” Bada begs, pitching her tone upwards.
“I was instructed to take you straight home–”
“Pleaseeee Chung?” Bada continues, staring through the rearview mirror so that her bodyguard can see her properly.
Chung-Hee sighs in defeat. “One of these days you’re going to get me fired.”
Bada squeals in excitement, practically bouncing in her seat. “You know that’s not true. My father considers you a close friend.”
“I guess I am lucky in that regard.” Chung-Hee breathes.
“Well, anyway…” Bada sits back, her smile never dimming. “How is your daughter, Chung?”
Immediately, Chung-Hee sits up in his seat, a bright grin overtaking his lips. “She’s great, thank you for asking. And she’s doing wonderfully in school.”
“You must be proud of her then.”
“Yes, I am,” Chung-Hee says fondly. “She’s so intelligent, it blows my mind.”
Bada smiles sadly as she nods.
“And she looks up to me. Says she wants to be just like me when she’s older.”
“She sounds wonderful, Chung,” Bada whispers.
The rest of the car ride continues in a comfortable silence, although Bada shifts her gaze to stare out of the window. She counts every passing minute, becoming more and more restless to see her mother.
Finally, the car eventually slows down across the street from a grocery store. Bada starts to grin, practically buzzing in her seat. Sensing her excitement, Chung-Hee parks the car and quickly exits, opening the door, only for Bada to practically shoot out of the car and rush over to the grocery store.
Chung-Hee only sighs. “Yah, one day she really is going to get me fired.”
Inside the grocery store, Bada barely pays attention to the way the shoppers gape at her, only intent on finding her mother. She uses her long legs to quickly make her way through the aisles until she spots a familiar head of hair near the fresh produce. Bada makes her way over to her mother, calling out to her.
“Mother!” She says, only a few feet away.
Bada’s mother immediately turns around, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion until she spots her daughter rushing toward her. “Bada?” She responds, a smile growing on her lips. “What are you doing here?”
Bada stops right in front of her mother, throwing her arms around her in a hug that the older woman immediately reciprocates. “Chung-Hee told me you weren’t home, so I asked him to drive me here.”
“And where is he now?” Bada’s mother scans the store, searching for a tall man wearing sunglasses.
“Oh…” Bada unwarps herself from her mother and then turns to look behind her, only now noticing her bodyguard is nowhere to be seen. “I must have left him behind.”
Her mother sighs and shakes her head disapprovingly. “Where are your manners, Bada? You have that poor man running after you all day.”
“Sorry,” Bada mumbles out half-sincerely. Her mother glances at her before gently patting her back, prompting her to continue walking. “Are you done shopping?”
“Yes, I have everything I need to make dinner tonight.” Her mother smiles.
“Why do you come to grocery stores anyway?” Bada asks. “The staff bring in fresh ingredients and foods every day.”
“They do, and while I appreciate all they do for us,” her mother walks over to the cash register, placing her groceries on the counter. “It’s important to never become lazy. As your mother and the woman of the house, it’s my responsibility to prepare you and your father’s dinner, even occasionally.”
Bada listens to her mother’s words carefully, nodding along in agreement. She watches her mother hand over a heavy golden credit card to the cashier, who is about to refuse the payment, but her mother’s bright smile and persistence makes him give in and take the card, charging her for the food.
“Besides, the staff deserve to rest every once and a while, don’t you think?” Bada’s mother continues.
“Yeah.” Bada remains in awe of her mother’s humility and kindness.
“What made you so eager to see me that you came all the way here, by the way?” She asks her daughter, helping the worker bag her groceries, despite his insistence that he should do it himself.
“Ah,” Bada suddenly smiles nervously, grabbing two of the heaviest bags to help her mother carry out of the grocery store. “Do you remember my friend Seoyoung?”
“Of course I do, she’s your oldest friend, isn’t she?”
Bada nods. “Well she and some of my other friends wanted to take some dance classes after school, and maybe join a dance club afterward–”
“I see.” Her mother nods. “So you came to ask me to convince your father to let you, is that right?”
Bada stares at her mother with a sheepish expression. “Yes.”
“I don’t know, Bada. Won’t you be much too tired after school? And don’t forget you have piano lessons right after–”
“I promise I can handle it.” She says with conviction. “I’ll do all my lessons and taekwondo every day even after dance.”
“You’ll be exhausted–”
“I won't,” Bada argues with a small pout. “Please, mother: I think dance is something I could be very good at.”
The older woman pauses, turning to look into her daughter’s eyes. She sees them shine with confidence and pure hope, which makes her smile. “Okay,” she nods. “I’ll speak to your father about it.”
“Yes!” Bada cheers, side-hugging her mother the best she can with her hands preoccupied. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
The older woman laughs, leaning into her daughter’s side. “Of course. If dancing is something you think you’ll enjoy, then I fully support you trying it out.”
That evening, under the warm Seoul sun, Bada experiences her last moments of pure happiness, unencumbered by worries or fear. She simply laughs with her mother, her heart bursting at the seams with love for the woman who cared for and nurtured her.
Her happiness blinds her to the moving figure across the street.
Ji-ah, Bada’s mother’s bodyguard has his head down as he crosses the street. Her mother smiles at him, greeting him again with a wave. But her eyes catch something, a glint of silver clutched in his right hand and almost completely concealed from her by his suit jacket. Her smile fades, confusion stretching across her face until she spots another man peering from the corner of a building, a nasty smirk on his face.
A blur of motion crosses Bada’s eyes before a loud popping sound fills the air.
The neighborhood falls into silence after, Bada jolting at the noise in shock. She looks around the street blearily, her mind still trying to catch up as her ears ring.
“Mo–” Before Bada can call out to her, the body of her mother falls into hers. They collapse in the street, grocery bags broken and food spilling out onto the concrete as Bada lets out a small huff of pain and surprise. She looks down, finding her mother splayed across her lap, a gunshot wound in her chest. “M-Mother?” Bada stutters in shock, her eyes growing wide in horror as she wraps her arms around her mother’s body.
In her daughter’s lap, Mrs. Lee breathes heavily, her eyes glazing over as pools of crimson fall from her chest, staining Bada’s hands bright red.
“No, no, no.” Bada breathes, placing her hand against her mother’s wound. “Ma… ma please stay awake.” She pleads, tears beginning to fall from her eyes as her heart pounds in her chest, a stabbing pain puncturing the organ.
“Are you hurt?” Her mother barely manages to choke out, raising her pale hand to clutch the side of her daughter’s face.
“No.” Bada shakes her head, now fully sobbing.
A few feet away, Chung-Hee finally arrivies near the grocery store, having been held back by a group of men. He recognised them to be lackeys of a rival of Mr. Lee, and swung before they got the jump on him. He managed to beat them all to a pulp before rushing down the street, his mind racing with thoughts of Mrs. Lee and Bada being in potential danger.
Before he could make it to them he spots Ji-ah brandishing a gun, and holding it up in their direction. He fires without a second thought, hitting Mrs. Lee.
Chung-Hee pulls out his gun quickly, shooting at Ji-ah across the street. He manages to hit him in the chest, then quickly fires again, emptying five more rounds into the traitor before Ji-ah falls to the concrete, dead.
Bada, unable to focus on the chaos around her only stares at her mother while sobbing, rocking back and forth. “Umma,” she cries, “Umma please, stay awake!”
Mrs. Lee only smiles, brushing her thumb against her daughter’s cheek. “You are beautiful.” She utters, her eyes filled with pure love and adoration. “I could not have asked for a kinder, gentler daughter.”
“Umma,” Bada closes her eyes, shaking her head as her tears grow hot, their salty liquid burning her cheeks.
“I love you.” Mrs. Lee whispers.
With the last of her strength gone, her eyes glaze over and her hand falls away from Bada’s cheek, hitting the concrete with a thud.
“No, umma!” Bada practically screams, clutching her mother’s body close to her chest as her frame starts to physically shake. “I love you too, please don’t leave me! Please, umma!”
Chung-Hee rushes over to Bada’s side, trying to separate her from her mother’s dead body. Bada only shoves him away, her eyes full of pure sorrow.
The sound of fast-approaching cars–her father’s men– just barely registers in Bada’s mind, reminding her of the shooter.
Bada shifts her gaze to the dead body across the street, her eyes going ice-cold at the sight of Ji-ah sprawled across the concrete.
Poison.
“Would you hate me for what I’ve done?” Bada speaks to her mother’s headstone. “For pushing her away?”
The wind thrashes against the windows.
“Because I do.” Bada admits.
The sunflowers next to her mother’s headstone quiver withthe breeze.
“I don’t know what to do with myself.” Bada places her hands over her eyes, feeling tears build inside them. “I should be happy that she hates me. I should be happy that she’ll stay away from me and be safe, but–”
The tears she’s been holding in finally break through. For what feels like the first time in 13 years, Bada Lee cries.
“I hate myself. I want to tear myself apart for all the things I said to her.” She confesses, sobbing. “I love her. I love her more than anything.”
The sunflowers shake.
“I want to be with her. I want to tell her that I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.” Bada’s heart races in her chest as she heaves. She tears her hands away from her face so she can see her mother’s headstone. “I wish you were here to guide me–to tell me what to do–”
Suddenly, the violent winds from outside cause the door to the mausoleum to whip open, the strong breeze blows past Bada, swiping the tears from her cheeks and rushing toward the sunflowers. The sheer force of the wind sends flower petals into the air, making Bada stare up at them in shock.
Then, a memory comes rushing back to the forefront of her mind.
22 years ago
Six year old Bada races through the garden next to her father’s office, giggling at the small birds nesting in a tree above her. She tries to reach for them–but although being very tall for her age–she can’t touch the branch they reside on.
Bada tries to stretch her legs even further, standing on her tippytoes as she reaches her arms up–but she immediately loses her balance, making her wobble until she falls back.
Unfortunately, Bada’s excitement made her blind to the fact that just behind her lied a bushel of roses, their thorns giving her a painful greeting as her back and arms get caught on the spikes.
“Ouch!” She hisses, quickly removing herself from the flowers. She now has a few cuts and scrapes littering her arms, which makes tears rush to her eyes. She starts to sniffle, about to begin crying–
“Bada.” The sound of her mom’s voice distracts her, making the young girl look up.
“Umma.” Bada says tearrily.
“What happened?” Mrs. Lee rushes over to her daughter’s side, her eyes filled with worry as they take in the small cuts all over her arms.
“I fell into the–the thorns.” Bada hiccups, pointing at the offending flowers.
“Bada, I told you not to play near the roses.” Her mother softly scolds her, gently picking her daughter up and placing her in her lap.
“I’m sorry umma.” Bada sniffles, wiping her tears away with the palm of her hands.
“It’s alright, sweetheart.” Mrs. Lee looks over her daughter’s injuries. “Thankfull, none of the cuts are too deep, but I’ll clean them–”
Bada, now much less emotional, shifts her attention away from her mother, instead staring up to find the birds in the tree above them. They rub their beaks and heads against each other, their eyes closed as they rest in their nest.
“Umma.” Bada suddenly interrupts her mother.
Mrs. Lee pauses, noticing her daughter is looking upward, and glances up as well. “Yes?”
“What does being in love feel like?”
Her mother looks down at her in surprise, a small smile growing on her lips. “Why do you ask?”
Bada looks away from the birds and at her feet instead. “Some of my friends were talking about love because Valentine’s Day is coming up. They said we should give chocolates to boys we love.”
Mrs. Lee’s smile widens, “Ah, I see.”
“But I don’t feel anything when I think about the boys in my class.” Bada mumbles. “So I want to know what I should be feeling.”
Mrs. Lee caresses the top of her daughter’s hair, completely endeared by the young girl. “You’re still young, Bada. You might not feel such strong emotions yet.”
Bada looks up at her mother, her eyes wide and pleading.
Mrs. Lee sighs, then nods. “Alright.” She moves her daughter around in her lap so she’s facing her. “When you’re in love, all you can think about is your partner. You wake up in the morning and your mind instantly goes to them. ‘What are they doing right now?’ ‘Have they eaten breakfast yet?’ ‘Did they sleep well?’” Bada’s mother mumbles. “When you’re with them, you smile very wide.” She reaches over to pinch her daughter’s cheeks, stretching her lips into a smile. Young Bada giggles at the action, her lips easily forming a grin.
Her mother laughs along with her, removing her hands from her daughter’s cheeks.
“And when you’re away from them, you’re very sad.” She makes a small frown, which Bada mimics cutely. “You want to be with them every waking moment.”
Bada glances down at her lap, her eyebrows furrowing. “And what if I can’t tell if I’m in love or not?”
“Oh, you’ll know.” Mrs. Lee nods.
“How?” Bada pouts.
Her mother thinks for a moment before smiling. She grabs her daughter’s arms and slowly starts to place kisses on her small cuts. Bada looks at her mother in surprise, a few giggles slipping from her lips at the action.
“You'll realize you're in love when you see your partner hurt, and all you want to do is make them feel better,” her mother mumbles. “You wish you had magical powers to heal all their wounds–” She places a kiss on Bada’s last cut. “So, you end up kissing every injury to help them heal.”
Bada breathes in wonder, her eyes glittering under the sunlight. “Is that why appa always gives you a kiss when you get hurt?”
“Yes.” Mrs. Lee nods, grinning widely. “He helps me get better, and it’s his way of telling me he loves me.”
“But what if one day you get really hurt, and appa isn’t there to give you a kiss?” Bada asks. “Will you not heal?”
“In that case, I’ll have to be strong and get better on my own.” Her mother whispers softly. “Although I wish I could, I can’t always rely on your father to take care of me. I need to be independent as well.”
“I think I know what it means to be in love now.” Bada smiles. “I’m excited to fall in love!”
Mrs. Lee laughs warmly. “That’s good, sweetheart. You should be very excited to find someone who will also kiss your wounds.” Together, mother and daughter sit in the garden, their heads and hearts filled with love.
A strong breeze suddenly whips around them, plucking a few sunflower petals from the bushel next to the roses. They dance and flutter in the air, making both Bada and her mother stare up at them in amazement.
As yellow sunflower petals fall onto the mausoleum floor, Bada smiles widely. She closes her eyes and nods. “I understand now, mother.” Opening her eyes, she glances at her mother’s headstone. “I know what I must do.”
She says one final goodbye to the resting place of her mother before racing out of the private cemetery, and toward her Porsche 918 Spyder. She’s about to pull out of the parking lot when her eyes catch a store across the street. She freezes in her spot, mesmerized.
There, on display, a misty gem sat atop a golden band surrounded by small diamonds, with flower-shaped gold holding onto the gem. It’s a unique, but beautiful ring.
“Perfect.” Bada breathes.
Arriving back at the Lee mansion, a cloud of sorrow and heartbreak fills the halls. Bada winces as she trudges up the stairs, guilt causing her throat to close up. Her feet take a mind of their own, leading her on autopilot to the place where she longs to be most, with you.
Bada stares at the wood of your door, suddenly feeling immensely nervous. She wonders if you’d felt this way when you bravely knocked on her door hours prior.
She raises her fist to knock, her ears just barely picking up the sound of small sniffles behind the door. Her heart screams in her chest.
She waits a few moments with no response before grabbing onto the doorknob, and twisting it open. Bada steps into your room hesitantly, her eyebrows furrowing at what she sees.
You’re sitting in your bed, your hands covering your eyes as you silently weep into them. Lusher sits beside you, rubbing your back soothingly as she tries to calm you. She looks up at the sound of Bada coming in, her eyes moving to Hyo who stands next to the door.
Hyo does nothing, simply glances between you and her boss while gnawing her bottom lip.
Lusher casts her disapproving gaze onto Bada, but her friend quickly shakes her head. Bada steps forward and walks to your side, kneeling next to the bed.
“Hey,” She says to you softly.
You don’t look up at her, only inch closer to Lusher.
Bada closes her eyes and swallows a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry.” She whispers sincerely.
Your cries seem to slowly die down at her words, now becoming small sniffles.
“I’m ready to tell you everything if you’re willing to listen.”
You finally take your hands away from your face to look up at Lusher. She stares back at you and smiles, nodding kindly. You take in a deep breath, “Okay.”
Sand crunches below you, and the sound of ocean waves whipping against each granule soothes your nerves. The night is cold, which makes you regret wearing the beige, glittery dress you’d chosen. You clutch at your arms, feeling goosebumps rise from your skin.
Bada notices you shivering and takes off her black coat. “Here.” She whispers, draping it over your shoulders and rubbing her slim hands up and down your arms to warm you up.
You stare at Bada, hating how your heart leaps in your chest at her tender care. You want to stew in your anger and hurt, but the way she looks at you with so much warmth and regret makes you melt. You’re weak.
Bada, now in a simple black shirt and brown slacks steps back. “Is that better?”
“Yes.” You mumble, looking at the sand pooling under your feet.
Bada nods, breathing out deeply. “Okay.” She looks incredibly nervous in front of you, and you almost want to soothe her worries. “I’m not sure how to start this…” She trails off. “But I want you to know that I’m sorry.”
You look up from the sand to stare into Bada’s eyes.
“The things I said to you were disgusting lies.” She admits, shame encompassing her expression. “You are more to me than just a business deal. You have been from the start.”
In the background, the ocean waves begin to calm.
“I never told you this, but…” She shakes her head, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “the day that we met, I came to talk to your parents to break off the deal.”
Your eyes go wide, and a look of confusion grows on your expression.
“I’d been having second thoughts about our engagement.” She closes her eyes, remembering that day vividly. “I was going to tell them that I wanted to call it off, but then–” her smile turns soft. “You walked in.”
Suddenly, you no longer feel cold, the heat of Bada’s coat and confession making every part of your body burn.
“And you were so beautiful. Like nothing I’d ever seen. So beautiful, and so smart.” She opens her eyes, taking your hands into hers. “I knew then and there that I had to go along with the deal. That I had to make you mine.”
You squeeze Bada’s hands, tears beginning to flow into your eyes.
“But I was terrified. I was so terrified of my feelings.” She starts to tear up as well. “If I were to let you fall in love with me, I would be putting your life at risk. I told myself I was being selfish.”
You want to cut in and deny everything that she says, but you let her talk.
“When my mother died…” Bada chokes on her words–she has to close her eyes and steady her breathing to continue. “She stepped in front of a bullet for me.”
The tears you’d been trying to hold back release, your heart aching in your chest in sympathy for your fiancée.
“Her bodyguard betrayed us... he was aiming to kill me but–” She takes another deep breath. “My mother took the shot.”
“Oh, Bada…” You whisper, throwing your arms around her to pull her into a hug.
Bada breaks down in the comfort of your arms, sobbing violently, and finally releasing 13 years worth of guilt. You hold onto her the entire time, rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ears.
"I should've been the one to die that day," she cries. "My parents could have had another child—a son. Someone they could be proud to pass on the business to."
“Bada Lee, you are the most hardworking woman I’ve ever met.” You insist. “Your parents would be so proud of what you’ve made of their business.”
Bada tightens her hold on your waist. “I’m sorry.” She slowly unravels herself from you, wiping her tears as she steels herself. “There’s nothing I want more in this world than to wake up next to you every morning. I want to stay by your side for what little time we may have together.”
You bite your lip, trying to stop your sobs from passing beyond your lips.
Bada takes your hand and suddenly starts walking toward a faint light in the distance of the beach. You give her a confused look but follow her anyway until you finally see what she’s bringing you toward.
Rose petals are scattered on the beach sand to create a makeshift walkway, lanterns with burning candles lighting up the sides of it while a small arch in the shape of a heart lies beyond the petals.
You instantly clasp your hands over your mouth, breathing out in shock and awe, turning to face Bada who only smiles at you. She takes both of your hands once again, then slowly starts to lower herself onto the sand, taking one knee in front of you.
“When I look at you, I see my future in your eyes. I know who I am with you.” She places a kiss on your knuckles. “I am selfish. I am a woman who will devote her every waking moment to caring and protecting you.”
She slips her hand into the pocket of her brown slacks and pulls out a black box. You start to openly sob when she opens it and reveals a beautiful engagement ring.
“So, will you allow me to be a selfish woman, and love you until the end of my days?”
“Yes!”
A mess of kisses and wandering hands, you and Bada trail into her private beach house. It’s small but cozy and intimate, exactly what you two need.
Bada guides you in the direction of the master bedroom, never separating from your soft lips. She huffs, her hot breaths caressing your skin as she opens the door and walks toward the bed. It’s decorated in even more rose petals that you crush when she lays you down, and hovers on top of you.
“I’ve said some terrible things to you today,” Bada whispers. “So let me make it up to you.” She places her hand over your right breast, squeezing it and making you moan. “Will you let me?” She asks. “Will you let me…make love to you?”
“Yes.” You breathe. “Yes, Bada.”
Bada smiles, closing her eyes in bliss at the way you alluringly say her name. “I love your voice.” She trails her slim fingers down your body before bringing them up again, and carefully helping you peel your shining dress off your body.
You’re left in your panties and your bra, heaving, passionate breaths making your chest rise and fall in quick succession. Bada stares at your breasts unabashedly before dragging her eyes over every inch of your body. She looks in complete and utter awe, taking in a sharp breath.
“I love your body.” She continues, lowering her hands to your panties, slowly pushing them aside. She finds your pussy glistening with slick, her eyes drinking in the sight with fiery irises. Bada parts your lips, watching carefully as strings of wetness cling to them, revealing your pearly, throbbing clit.
As if in a trance, she brings her thumb up to it, rubbing it up and down with varying degrees of pressure, studying how you cry out in pleasure at each motion.
“Do you like that?” She whispers, staring to trial kisses on your neck and breasts.
“Yes.” You immediately respond, losing yourself in the simple pleasure your faincée gives you. All the months of being untouched have made you so sensitive–so, so sensitive to the point that you’re releasing ridiculous amounts of slick onto Bada’s fingers.
“I want to feel you,” Bada confesses, moving her fingers away from your clit and to your hole. She traces her finger around it before gently inserting one in, your pussy sucking her in without any complaint. “Ah,” she breathes, closing her eyes. “You’re so warm.”
You let out a strangled moan at her words, begging her to continue.
She does as you ask, pushing her finger in deep before dragging it out–again and again she does this, slowly building up her pace until she’s driving her finger into you at an incredible speed. “You’re so warm, honey. So wet.” She repeats, stars in her eyes as she moves to kiss you passionately, all tongue and spit.
“More, please.” You ask again.
“Of course.” She whispers against your lips. Bada takes another finger and inserts it into you, the almost painful but pleasurable stretch makes you cry out, grabbing her unoccupied hand to squeeze it. “There you go.” She says fondly. “Make as much noise as you want to, honey. It’s just us.”
So you let yourself go, practically moaning like a porn star as Bada pounds her fingers into you, your slick sloshing against them and pruning up her digits. She doesn’t seem to care at all, instead changing their position to crook them upwards, dragging them along your walls, indulging you in sexual gratification like you’ve never felt before.
“I want you to cum all over my fingers.” She breathes, the words so heavy you can barely make them out. “Cover me in your juices. Do it.”
Driving her point, Bada lowers her face to your pussy, licking her long tongue against your clit. She flicks it, then takes it into her mouth, swirling her tongue against it.
You immediately cry out in pleasure, your mouth gaping open and eyes closing shut as your fiancée smirks against your clit. She continues her pace, pistoning her fingers in and out of you until she brushes your sweet spot–
“Oh my god!” You scream, your eyes almost rolling back in sheer bliss. “Right there, right there!”
Bada opens her eyes–her lids heavy as makes eye contact with you. “Right here?” She pushes her finger in once again, crooking it up perfectly so that it hits your g-spot perfectly. “Oh yeah, that’s the spot, isn’t it?” She mutters to herself, a proud smile finding her lips.
That, coupled with one long, hard suck and swirl from her tongue on your clit makes your eyes roll back, insurmountable pleasure flowing through you as you cum.
“Soak me.” Bada guides you through it, holding onto your hand tightly to ground you as you embark on a world of bliss, her fingers and mouth never slowing down until you start to whine.
“Please–” you choke out, your pussy sensitive from her touch.
Your fiancée slows her fingers and pops her mouth off your pussy, licking her lips before she fully pulls out her digits from inside of you. When she does, a gush of cum follows in her wake, trailing down and falling onto the linen sheets. She smiles at the sight, lifting her fingers to her mouth and sucking on your juices.
“I love the way you taste.” She separates her fingers to show you the beads of her spit and your slick combined into one debauched substance.
You sit up from bed, crawling over to her with a mischievous look. You grab her hand and bring it up to your lips, sucking on her fingers gently, moving your head up and down in a sensual motion.
“Fuck.” Bada watches you in awe, her cunt pulsing against her boxers and layers of clothes. “How are you so effortlessly alluring?”
You look up at your fiancée, dragging her fingers out of your mouth. “Bada…”
“Yes?” She asks, using her clean hand to brush her thumb over your cheek lovingly.
“Can I touch you too?” You drag your hand down Bada’s chest, stopping just before the waistband of her slacks.
Bada smiles and nods, grabbing your hand and beginning to take off her black shirt. She pulls it off of her body easily, letting it fall to the floor as her hand moves to remove her sports bra as well. You take the time to also remove your bra, now fully exposed while Bada takes off her slacks.
You try your hardest not to stare at her, but with every movement she does, her lean abs move, and her muscled arms strain. Bada Lee has an amazing body, and you can’t help but gape.
Your fiancée, unaware of your stare finally strips herself of her boxers–which she notes are wet with slick–and moves back onto the bed.
“You’re so pretty.” You whisper to her bashfully, moving your fingers up and down her abs.
The action makes Bada release a heavy breath from her nose, your feather-light touch making her abdominals stretch. “Thank you.” She smiles, leaning in to place a warm sweet kiss on your lips.
You break away after a moment, leaning your head down and motioning for Bada to lay back. She does so immediately, encouraging you to do as you please with a hand on the back of your head.
You slowly lower your head so you’re face-to-face with Bada’s cunt. You notice a few beads of wetness fall from her folds, making you smile proudly. She’s just as riled up as you.
Without a second thought, you part her lips like she had yours and place your hot mouth on her cunt, making her hiss. She throws her head back, once again her abs stretching as her long hair falls against her face. “Ah, fuck.”
You move your tongue inside of her, eyes going doe when she stares down at you with burning irises, so full of passion and heat that you unconsciously rub your thighs together, slick building between your legs again.
“You’re so good at that, baby.” Bada moans, grabbing your hair with enough force so that she can move you while still keeping her grip painless. She has to hold herself back–remember that this is about making love not fucking. Her full strength could truly hurt you. “Fuck yeah.” She curses, moving your head up and down as she uses you to pleasure herself.
You slip into a submissive role, allowing Bada to move and use you in any way, happy to bring her the same amount of ecstasy that she’d given you. You move your tongue in and out of her hot, gummy walls, slick running down your chin and the column of your throat until it dribbles in between the valley of your breasts.
Bada watches every movement and groans loudly, turned on out of her mind. She moves your head up and down faster, feeling every drag of your tongue and the pressure of your nose against her clit.
She’s so close, right there–
“Wait–” She breathes, letting go of your head. “Wait.”
You instantly shoot up, worried you’ve done something wrong. “Wha–”
Bada flips your position so you’re below her again. She takes your leg and crooks it against her hip, placing her cunt just inches away from your pussy. “I want to cum with you.” She heaves.
You stare up at your fiancée, your heart swelling in your chest to the point you’re worried it’ll burst. You grab her unoccupied hand and nod, smiling sweetly at her.
She smiles back, running her thumb over the engagement ring resting on your ring finger. She places a kiss on it before she uses her strength to lift herself up, and slowly lower her pussy against yours. She lets out another kiss, her cunt still sensitive from her almost release just minutes prior.
She starts out slow, rubbing up and down and positioning herself so that her lips meet the parting of yours. She encourages you to move with her, using her grip on your thigh to help you gain a rhythm in rubbing yourself against her.
You’re both so wet that loud squelching noises fill the air, your skin parting with strings of juices touching each other’s skin lewdly. Bada then starts to speed up her pace, rubbing up against your pussy as she sighs blissfully. She drags her hand up to your breast, grabs your nipple between her fingers, and starts to rub.
You let out a small moan which makes your fiancée twist your nipple with a bit more force, and then angle down enough so that she can flick her tongue against it. She takes your breast into her mouth, sucking rather harshly to pull out a louder moan from your parted lips.
She pops off your breast to smirk, pushing both of them together. “I love your tits.” She spits on them, then flattens her tongue and drags it across your nipples.
“Bada…” You trail off, tears of pleasure falling from your eyes.
“I know baby,” she mutters, her voice hitching when she angles her hips down at the perfect spot and applies just the perfect amount of pressure–she does it again. A mix of her groan and your cry ringing in the air. She slaps her pussy against your own, the shock of bliss shoots up her spine, and makes her curse. “Fuck, cum with me.” She closes her eyes, losing herself in the pleasure. “Fucking cum with me, honey. Let go and give me your all. I want it.”
So you give her what she wants.
Both you and Bada cum seconds later, both of your eyes closed tight in ecstasy as your pussies still rub against each other’s, riding out the high until you no longer can.
Your fiancée is the first to pull away, gently letting go of your thigh and stretching it onto the bed. Exhausted, she flops beside you, breathing heavily.
“How do you feel?” She checks up on you, her eyes finding yours in an instant.
“So good.” You admit with a smile.
Bada grins back at you, scooting closer to you until her body is pressed against your side. She flips you around so that you’re facing her as she wraps her arms around your waist. “Hi.” She mumbles sweetly.
“Hi.” You mumble back, holding back a giggle.
Both of your bodies are hot and shining with sweat, but neither of you cares. You stay tangled together, simply staring into each other’s eyes.
This time when you look into her irises, there’s no storm brewing–no icey wall keeping you separated from her. Just her pretty, dark brown irises. This is the woman you’d fallen in love with.
Your fiancée’s eyes say, “I know who I am.”
“I’m glad,” yours say back.
Bada leans forward, rubbing her nose against yours in a sweet gesture. Then she moves to place her lips inches away from your ear, whispering, “I love you.”
❝ the pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love; it is, perhaps, the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. ❞
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#bada lee x reader#bada lee x reader smut#bada x reader#bada lee#bada lee smut#bada lee x reader angst#bada lee x reader fluff#bada#street woman fighter 2 x reader#swf2 x reader
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Scars.
Pairing: Astarion x reader
Genre and warnings: angst, lots of it, hurt barely any comfort, allusions to sexual assault, past trauma, graphic description of torture, kidnapping, blood, violence, set in act 3, mention of death.
Notes: not proof read ngl, i wrote it after dreaming it, and i didnt even wanna read it again, i cried like a bitch cause it’s kinda like…. past experience projected? just yeah dont ask if im ok after writing this, the answer is no lmao... also just a side note since it’s the first time im posting on this profile, but english is not my first language so please be mindful about it.
Edit 10/06/23: i finally went through it end edited it.. i hope i catched all the errors cause idk if i'll ever be strong enough to give it another read ahah
Getting so close to someone meant so much for Astarion, and the more he cared, the more new fears would swim through his brain.
Since you arrived in the lower city, and his bed was no longer cold at night, a new nightmare snuck in.
The idea that Cazador would be able to get to you, and weaponize you against him, made his cold blood run even colder. Several nights you woke up to a trembling and sweating Astarion, as he was begging for mercy. He never explained too much about these nightmares to you, just letting you know it was about Cazador again and again, but he left out the haunting possibility of you getting hurt because of him. On the other hand you believed it was because you were getting so close to the Szarr palace, and Cazador knew about it just as much as Astarion did.
It was the middle of the night when the sound of a broken glass stirred you awake. You looked around you, Astarion still deep into his meditating state, while the others were asleep as well, none of them reacted to the sound like you did. Maybe you just had a light sleep, you thought, and someone in the tavern dropped a few glasses or something. It was when hands gripped your wrists that you jolted up, looking behind you. It was too dark to see, and all you could spot were the deep red eyes, like Astarion's, though they lacked the warmth of his.
A shiver ran through your spine as you realized what was happening, but when you tried to call for the others, you realized how deep in shit you actually were: no sound would leave your lips, like you were silenced.
"There's no need to be afraid, Tav." A deep cold voice whispered so close to your ear. "They can't hear you".
The voice chuckled at your failed attempts to call for Astarion, Karlach or anyone, as tears were starting to pool at the edge of your eyes.
Another pair of hands took hold of Astarion, magical shackles fastened around his hands and feet, just as they did to yours, and then they started dragging you both away.
The deep voice spent the whole travel taunting you with stories of Cazador, how cold blooded he was, and just how much he enjoyed torturing his victims. From one point of view you were already accustomed with such stories about him, but from the other, the idea of Cazador getting hold of Astarion again, made your blood freeze again. You were not going to let Cazador hurt him again. You were set on the idea.
When you reached the corridors of Cazador's palace, the silencing spell finally wore off, though Astarion was still not moving. Terror flashed through your eyes as you wondered if they had already…
"What did you do to him?!" You breathed out as you tried so hard to keep your calm in front of the spawns that were dragging and pushing you through the dark hallways.
The spawn scoffed as he pushed through and through.
"Don't worry, he's not dead" You could feel his eyes rolling at the question, like it was some dumb question you should have known the answer to. "..yet" he added at last.
You couldn't stop your mouth from twitching, between the state of rage that was slowly building up, or the terror of them hurting Astarion.
"What's going on? Can i know that at least?" You wanted so bad to cast a spell on him, charming him into freeing you, but without the use of your hands, you were useless.
"Cazador wants to give you a warm welcome into Baldur's gate" He giggled, as the smell of old blood mixed with the sour taste of the bile threatening to spill from your lips, and you couldn't hold it anymore, and your feelings started spilling out.
You couldn't help then to try and get Astarion free at least. You wanted to shake those hands off of you, to wiggle out of the shackles that bound your magic, but no matter how much you tried, you were like set in stone, unable to do anything but move forward, shed tears, and talk. Or more specifically, beg.
Beg them to hurt you, instead of Astarion.
Beg them to keep you here, and let your star free.
Beg them to turn you if needed, but spare Astarion's life.
Anything, if it meant not hurting the man that stole your heart with a dagger to your throat.
Quickly you were tossed in a cage, adjacent to Astarion's, and locked in.
The shackles that bound your feet dissipated, as the cage started ascending upward.
It halted in front of an altar, you guessed, that directly faced into the chasm you ascended from. Other spawns, around twenty you were able to count, started taking seats around the edges, sitting all in religious silence on their knees.
Astarion was still passed out, cradled on the floor of the cage, both restraints still tightly bound to him.
"Please, please, please" You cried out as the last bit of your strength was going to be dedicated towards trying to get Astarion free, far away from this place. "Let Astarion go, i beg you" You repeated your plea again, as you saw all those spawns stir from their seats, they wanted to turn their heads, to face whoever was foolish enough to beg Cazador for mercy, to trade spots with Astarion.
Everyone in that room knew what was going to happen, he was going to show them what happens when you disobey, when you run away thinking you can escape him. Instead you were so foolish and blinded by love, that you wanted to take Astarion's place, unaware of the extent that Cazador would go to. Yet you didn't stop, you kept begging and begging until a voice, the voice, echoed through the altar's walls.
"Tsk you just gave me a wonderful idea" the man hummed as his scepter started glowing, and Astarion started stirring awake, he looked around him, his tired eyes quickly widening as the reality around him had set in his mind.
"Let her go, you son of a bitch" Astarion growled as he stood up so quick, and gripped at the iron bars separating him from Cazador.
"Touch her and I swear I'll spill your guts right here" He spit out of the cage, a symbolic spit cause you were too far away to reach him.
"My, my, our dear Astarion has forgotten all the manners" He cooed as his lips smacked together, his voice so honeyed it was bringing you to the verge of vomit.
You wanted to reassure Astarion, let him know that you were going to do your best to free him, that you were both going to be out of there alive soon, but could you? Could you lie so much to the man you loved? Words were stuck on your tongue, making your throat drier and drier.
You guessed you zoned out for a few seconds as your head was flooded with thoughts, missing the hate Astarion was throwing at his master.
"Ah sweet Astarion, your dear Tav has given us a great idea though, it would be a shame to let it go to waste" He hummed, as the staff light up again, the lock on your cage fell down the chasm, as your trembling body was slowly being dragged out of the cage by magic.
"No, no, no, no" Astarion reprated as his eyes locked on you, falling on the long streaks of tears running down your cheeks as you tried to offer him a sad smile, your lips muttering an "it's going to be okay" while his body was about to give in to desperation, loud sobs echoed from him, as your heart broke at his sight: he was barely standing up now, his hand gripped tight as he screamed through the hall to let you go, to not hurt you, to stop. "This is just a nightmare" He fell on his knees as you were slowly dropped on the cold floor, barely keeping your head up as you realized you were still in his shirt, the one he loved on you.
"Oh dear Astarion" Cazador cooed again as he kneeled in front of you, his cold fingers getting ahold of your chin, to tilt your head towards his. "This is not a nightmare, this is real" His words were like cold daggers through your chests, you knew that whatever was going to happen, it was not going to be fun.
Before you could say anything, Cazador's hand slipped to your waist pulling on the shirt as you flinched away, disgusted by the touch of the vampire in front of you.
But he didn't care, he was swift in removing it, leaving you bare in front of dozens of eyes.
You could hear the rattling coming from Astarion's cage as he attempted to break free over and over again while his chest was about to explode.
He didn't have the right to undress you in front of everyone, he didn't have the right to touch you at all, not when he prayed every night to have the chance to see you bare, to hold you. His thoughts were swinging back and forth between desperation and deep seethed rage.
"My, my I can see why our Astarion has fallen for this little creature" Cazador's compliment almost made you retch as you stumbled back a little. "She even puts up a fight" He chuckled as he lunged forward just enough to grip at your wrist and whipping you on your feet.
Every inch of your skin was visible to everyone, from the battle scars you got through the years of adventuring, to the teeth marks on your neck, down to the stretchmarks that lived on your hips.
A shiver ran through your spine as Cazador’s fingers grazed over the two marks on your neck. “Mh, your blood seems to be sweet enough, right Astarion?” His cruel words hit Astarion through the chest. He was one word away from a breakdown as he couldn’t do anything but witness his nightmares coming alive, not his Tav, not when he would be so careful to cradle you and comfort you to his chest whenever he'd drink from you.
Whatever he was screaming was incomprehensible to you, as all you could feel was the way Cazador gripped and pushed you towards a plush chair, where he sat with legs wide open before dragging you on his lap. You felt so nauseous as he bent you towards the arm rest, making you face the cold grey floor.
You wanted to hear the taunting explanation of what he was going to do, but all the sounds were drowned by the thrumming of your chest and the desperation in your own thoughts, repeating over and over that you were going to find a way out, trying to convince your brain to shut off and dissociate as you were there, like you were just in a nightmare, and you’d be awake soon.
All you could gather was few words like “knife”, “mark”, reminder”, and then “Astarion”. He was torturing him through you, and you couldn’t do anything about it. The worst part in this, was that you were the one that gave him the idea, cause you wanted him to free Astarion, and instead he let it all out on you instead than on your Aster, as a punishment for you both. You cause you were so careless to offer yourself though you didn't know the risk, and Astarion for being reckless and disobedient. Right there, as the dagger pierced your spine, you regretted not whispering Astarion how much you loved him, while you were tight against his chest, when the world around you was asleep, and you had a corner of peace. You always knew what you felt for him, from that moment on the beach, at the shipwreck, and yet you just wanted to tell him in the right moment. But what was the right moment? You might never know, as a broken scream broke through your lips, salty tears flowing free, so much that you thought for a moment that you might have died of dehydration, if the knife wasn’t going to do it first.
He carved and carved over your back, intelligible lines and symbols as you finally understood what Astarion meant when he told you how he got his scars. How gut wrenching the pain was as he couldn’t move, and how Cazador didn't allow a break, and retraced the lines that were wobbly if he moved too much.
“You know?” Cazador asked, as everyone’s eyes were on what he thought was a work of art, your carved skin, while Astarion’s plea echoed over and over in the room. “Our sweet Astarion used to whine just like you” He hummed. “Just a pathetic little child” He spit out like venom as you could barely breathe out few words along the lines of “you disgusting monster”, though you were not sure you actually let them out until, Cazador’s laugh filled every corner of the disgraced altar. Your tadpole writhed as another line was cut at the height of your hips, before, Cazador started retracing the lines and pulling away the skin, exposing the deepest layers of your flesh, the pain was so deep your vision blurred, and you were so close to passing out right there.
You don’t know how long you sat there, you slipped between pain and numbness as Cazador slapped you back to consciousness whenever you'd slip away, you had to endure the agonizing scarring and remember every second of it. He decorated with bloody lines almost all over your body.
You didn’t know what was worse between laying on the raw scars of your back, seeing your own skin being peeled away or the cries and sobs coming from the man you loved. You had to find a way, you couldn’t give up, you couldn’t allow this monster to walk the earth again. You had to do it for Astarion.
You were not sure when he dropped you on the floor, your body barely able to hold itself together as finally you could look around you and towards Astarion. Every face around you was stoic, like they were used to witnessing such spectacle, and they knew what was going to happen next.
You wanted to reach for Astarion, to take him away from the revolting scene in front of his eyes, you wanted to take away his pain, give him the last bit of hope you had, but when you were about to link your tadpole to his to do it, you hesitated. Connecting your minds meant he would feel how dirty, wretched and lost you felt, along with the gut wrenching pain ebbing through your body.
You could barely make out the words Cazador said as his nails dig through your skin again, even when he pulled your eyes to his you could barely read his lips as he said words you just wanted to cancel from your brain. A broken sob regurgitated from your throat as he was going to take the last thing you had. You just had to let your brain go, right? To ignore the teeth dipping in your throat and the putrid hands slithering down your skin, taking away enough blood to barely keep you alive as he took you in front of everyone. It was no longer just physical pain, it was the way you felt your own body being stolen away and used in way no one ever dared before.
Numbness was all that was left of you after a while, of your barely beating heart while more hands crawled their way through places were you never wanted anyone to touch, then, in that moment, you realized you were free of your shackles, because you were so drained and broken that you could barely do anything. You could barely by aware of your surroundings, of how many bodies were preying on you, as you could barely manage to move inches.
Your vision was all but clear, you could make out the outline of Cazador as he was buttoning up his blouse again. Then you could see Astarion, still caged, struggling to stay sane as he wanted just to take you away from the monsters abusing of you, abusing of the fact that you were powerless in front of them. His eyes were a bloodshot, he was so hurt that he resorted to supplicate for mercy, to let you go and just kill him, whatever that could stop the agonizing pain. You didn’t have much strength left, maybe if you put all of yourself, you could muster two spells before passing out again.
It took all you had to even raise your hand towards the lock that sealed Astarion’s crate, you mustered all your willpower to cast that knock spell, just enough to let the damn lock fall down. Astarion instantly turned to you, to your teary form still being touched by unworthy creatures, noticing how your hand barely held up, as you tried to cast one more spell, just for him, before another broken scream echoed in the room, bouncing from wall to wall till it reached Astarion's core. The kind of scream that should never be drawn by someone, nevertheless by you.
The radiant dagger materialized in his hands, and for a moment he didn’t notice it as he was fixated on the broken look on your face, encouraging him to end his master, although you suffered right there, paces away. “I love you” You mutter barely, you wanted to let him know before you could draw your last breath, then everything blurred.
Everything was muffled, you couldn’t see what was going on around you, you just felt all the presences around you disappear, while Astarion’s voice was crystal clear through the excruciating pain.
"I'll kill you, then I'll bring you back, and kill you again.” He shoved Cazador on the floor, just like he did with you, to remind him how he hurt you, how he used you, how he touched the only person he should have never laid hands on. “I’ll do it over and over again until you have suffered a tenth of what you did to her. Then I'm going to gut you one more time, and paint this shithole with your putrid blood. The halls of this place will reek with your disgusting blood, to let the whole city be aware of your death and from which the hands it came from” His hands were shaky, but he had to do it. For him, but mainly for you. All that was left of him was you, and nothing could ever be enough to vindicate you.
The shiny dagger stabbed over and over again through Cazador’s chest, while Astarion cursed him, every thrust of the dagger through the heart earned a new mocking insult, a new reminder of what he did, while all of Astarion's anger was channeled into annihilating him.
You just laid there, all you could do was listen to the grunts and the hate slipping from your lover’s lips as he dipped that dagger in the gutted body. You didn’t even realized when he dropped the disemboweled body on the marble, you weren’t even sure you could breathe, at that point.
A pair of shaking arms wrapped around your drained body, Astarion’s shirt was used again to cover your skin, as he picked you up, trying to be as delicate as possible. His salty tears fell over your body as he carried away from the nauseating scene, you frail body barely shivering, and your chest barely moving. He was muttering something to you, but everything sounded foreign at your hear.
He had to move quickly, find Shadowheart or Halsin, or anyone to heal you, to keep you alive. It was in this moment that he wished he could beg a deity to keep you alive, but he didn’t trust anyone else to tend you. He needed to rush outside of this place and get you to safety.
He didn’t expect to see everyone outside the locked ballroom door, as they fumbled to open the door. They were taken by surprise at the sight of Astarion cradling you to his chest, all covered in blood, while his eyes were a pit of pain and tears.
Shadowheart didn’t hesitate to heal you right there before they all guided you towards the tavern you've been resting. They all offered to carry you, to make Astarion breathe a bit while on your way back there, but he refused. “I can’t..” He mumbled. “I don’t want..” His voice was just a whisper, broken. “I need” He wanted to break down again with you in his arms, but he had to lay you down first, to let you rest in a warm bed, he had to bring you to safety again, away from anyone that could pose any harm to you. He needed to see that smile again, cause no power flowing through his veins could have replaced you. He failed you once, he was not going to do it again. You saved him, twice, he had to do it just once for you. He had to thank you, and he had to tell you how much he loved you.
#astarion x tav#astarion ancunin#astarion x reader#astarion#astarion angst#baldurs gate 3#bg3 astarion#bg3 tav#astarion x you#astarion fic#astarion romance#vault: lynn ☆#lynn: updates☆
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hi!! ngl i’ve never actually requested anything so im kinda nervous to do so but if it’s possible, do you think you could write something along the lines of eddie munson with like an anxious reader? maybe she has a panic attack and he’s there to help in the aftermath or just an overall anxious person. i know you’ve written something similar with the marauders so i hope that this is okay for me to request. i love love love ur writing!
Thank you for requesting lovely <3
cw: aftermath of panic attack
Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 642 words
Eddie’s rambling hasn’t stopped since you sat down, but it’s become background noise for you, like ocean sounds or the music they play in grocery stores. You know well enough how to get yourself through this. His hand on your back is a steady, if somewhat frantic, reassurance.
“You okay?” Eddie asks, his rhythm slowing as you blow out a lungful of air, bending your head towards your knees. You hold up a weak thumbs-up, and it picks up again. “Shit, yeah, you’re okay, baby. You’ve got it.”
You feel bad that this is Eddie’s first time dealing with you like this, though it’s nice to be in his trailer and not at the mall or in a restaurant or something. His couch is familiarly uncomfortable, lumpy in places and nearly flat in others, and the air smells like weed and grease, the electric fan Wayne brings out for the summer months whirring diligently in the corner. You’re glad Wayne’s not home now, though someone should probably be around to comfort Eddie after he’s done comforting you.
“Anything I can do to help?” he asks again. “You want some water or something?”
This time, you nod. Your boyfriend all but springs up from the couch, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and hustling it back to you like he’s training to be one of the NASCAR pit stop people. You take it from him, rubbing the condensation from the bottle on the back of your neck before taking a sip. The chill is grounding. You rest your head back on your knees.
“You feeling better, sweetheart?” Eddie grabs another water bottle from the fridge once he sees what you did with the first, holding it to your neck. “You seem better. Sounding less like Darth Vader.”
You laugh a little, and he laughs back nervously.
“Yeah,” you say, “it’s mostly better now.”
He blows out a breath. “Phew, okay. Jesus. You’re a fucking champ, you know that?”
“Thanks,” you chuckle. “Sorry I put you through that.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m not the one who went through something just now, so consider your apology heard and nullified.” Eddie’s lips come down on the back of your head. “I’d tell you where to shove it, but I’m feeling kind of bad for you right now. Count your blessings.”
“Oh, I’m counting them.” You smile down into the semi-dark valley between your legs and chest, taking one more deep breath in and out before lifting your head. “Okay, I’m good.”
“Yeah?” As he pulls back to see you, your boyfriend doesn’t look so sure. His eyebrows are pulled up in the middle, freakishly huge eyes full of freakishly sweet worry. “Good enough for a hug?”
You hum your assent, and in the next second you’re in his lap. Eddie goes all the way, curving his body over yours as his arms wrap protectively around your back and his cheek squishes into yours.
“It scares me when you’re scared,” he admits.
“Sorry.”
“No—goddamnit, what did we say about that? You’re lucky you’re cute, I swear—don’t be sorry. Obviously it’s not your fault, I’m just sorry that happened to you. It seemed really fucking shitty.”
“It felt really fucking shitty,” you agree. “I’m wiped.”
“Honestly? Me too.” Eddie chuckles. “Nap?”
“Yes, please,” you say, but wriggle closer to him, preventing him from getting up. Eddie doesn’t seem to mind. He starts rubbing your back again, contemplative.
“You wanna sleep here, or on the bed?”
“Bed,” you answer immediately.
“...right. But are you gonna get up and go to the bed?”
You make a thoughtful humming sound, grasping him tighter. “Probably not. Maybe you could carry me?”
A sigh, long and dramatic. “Yeah, maybe I could.” Eddie’s hands move to grip you more securely, and he grunts as he stands. “You’re seriously lucky you’re cute, trouble.”
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x self insert#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fic#eddie munson hurt/comfort#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson scenario#eddie munson drabble#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson one shot#tw panic attack#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fanfic#stranger things fic#stranger things 4#stranger things x reader
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If Desmond ever ended up in the Persona 5 universe, I wonder what he would think of the Phantom Thieves? Would he be a confidant for Akira/Ren/Joker, be a neutral party? Become a Phantom Thief himself? I can't help but think that because of his Bleeds, he'd end up having his ancestors show up as Personas to help him fight in the Metaverse.
Ngl, I wanna make Desmond the Sun because of my penchant of giving Desmond something related to the very thing that killed him but based on his ‘situation’, these are the Arcanas that Desmond can be part of in my opinion:
Aeon (many of the Aeon Personas have an affinity to light and a common theme for Aeon representatives are that they are unfamiliar with the world they are in and are struggling to find their place in this world which describes Desmond’s current predicament and also… there’s no Aeon confidant in P5 so Desmond won’t be sharing this spot with anyone or, worse, won’t be removing an existing confidant)
Sun (A character in a lonely and most of the time terribly situation, signifying the hopelessness of them succeeding with the end results being them having to reflect on their situation and coming to peace with themselves and what is happening to them)
Moon (being attuned subconsciously to the world around someone, gaining the ability to sense things without being told about them, or without anyone else knowing, this arcana is also sometimes called the Arcana of Lies and Deceit which Desmond would be doing anyway because there’s no way he’ll tell the truth)
Death (metamorphosis and deep change, regeneration and cycles… which can also hint on Desmond’s origin as someone not from this world)
Personally, I do see Desmond as a Phantom Thief and acting like the cool older brother type to these teenagers. But being a neutral party seems more like his style, considering… everything.
So I would suggest we make Desmond a neutral party the Phantom Thieves meet up with in the Metaverse from time to time, mostly in Mementos because, in his own words ‘something calls to me here’.
The Phantom Thieves don’t know he’s the same bartender that works at Crossroads who would always give Joker a Shirley Temple whenever he’s on break. Lala told Joker that Desmond looked ‘lost’ so she helped him out (in more ways than one, Lala actually thinks Desmond is undocumented and helped him be an ‘upstanding citizen’…)
Desmond, for his part, is just happy that, for some reason, he knows Japanese? He has a feeling it’s one of his Bleed and many people tell him he speaks like he’s from a period drama so yeah, there’s that (it’s one of his Ibn-La'Ahad ancestors who knew Japanese because they chased the Mongols to Japan)
As for Desmond’s Persona…
It would be funny to give him Minerva or Juno as a Persona but we’re not that evil. Another idea would be to give him Dionysus for our usual ‘Desmond could totally be Dionysus’ Sage’ idea that pops in and out XD
Although…
So we’re going to make Desmond special because he’s our blorbo and we’ll use the Persona 1 and 2 plot of how the characters get their Persona.
He does the Persona game because he was bored one day XD
And that’s how he starts to hear Mementos’ call.
And while he journeys in Mementos by himself, that’s when he encounters the Shadows… of his Bleeds.
Confronting them (which always ends in a boss fight) ends with him receiving their Arcana and his Bleeds become his Personas.
His Bleeds’ Arcanas:
Altaïr: Hermit (wisdom, introspection, solitude, retreat and philosophical searches)
Ezio: Judgment (associated with realizing one's calling, gaining a deep understanding of life and a feeling of acceptance and absolution)
Ratonhnhaké:ton: Hanged Man (sometimes self-sacrificial or self-loathing, but are more often notable for being caught between two different extremes, parties or stages in life of which they have little to no control – always in the middle of two opposing forces and he’s doing his best to protect his people given what’s happening) or Strength (associated with the morality about the stronger power of self-control, gentleness, courage and virtue over brute force)
Haytham: Emperor (desire to control one's surroundings, and its appearance could suggest that one is trying too hard to achieve this, possibly causing trouble for others; some elements in life are just not controllable)
Desmond’s real Arcana and his own Persona (which may or may not be some biblically accurate angel-like figure with all of his Bleeds around a small orb similar to the Apple of Eden in the same veins of the Norns design) will only awaken after Joker reaches max level with him.
Also, the Phantom Thieves don’t know it’s him because his form in the Metaverse is always hooded with the robes changing depending on which Persona he uses (at the start, they thought it was different dudes until Desmond changed Personas in midbattle)… and yes, that includes Haytham. Desmond gets a hood too even when he’s using Haytham but he also has Haytham’s tacohat. Them’s the rules.
Arcana symbolism from megamitensei.fandom.com
#if it wasn’t clear#i really want desmond to be an aeon arcana#because it works so well for him#but no romance with joker XD#he thinks of joker as a younger brother#maybe even be reminded by ezio’s recruits#ngl#this made me want to play royal#but i really don’t wanna#still annoyed i can’t use my 100% vanilla p5 save =_=#assassin's creed#desmond miles#persona 5#persona series#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#p5 joker#teecup writes/has a plot#fic idea: assassin's creed#ask and answer#do i tag the others?#sure#but only joker#altaïr ibn la'ahad#ezio auditore#ratonhnhaké:ton#connor kenway#haytham kenway#fic idea: crossover#fic idea: persona
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so it goes...
summary − what taylor swift album & song do the hsr men and their love resemble?
includes — dan heng, gepard, blade, sampo, & jing yuan!
tana’s words — self indulgent swiftie attempts to do song analysis and write romance! if u have any other ideas for hcs/fics/etc lmk in my ask box!!
dan heng
definitely belongs on the evermore album
i'm seeing long story short or tis the damn season
⎯ but most importantly: WILLOW
when she says “head on the pillow i can feel you sneaking in as if you were a mythical thing.” LIKE IS THAT NOT DAN HENG.
or i could be extremely self indulgent idk
⎯ i believe dan heng is a big YEARNER
the thing about the evermore album is that it just feels like a long and yearned reunion. it’s like coming full circle.
you and dan heng’s relationship would be similar to that. after all the long and exhausting days you two would always find yourselves circling back to each other. like, you two are both there when you two need each other.
your relationship is calm and based on pining (long story short). you would think it’s one-sided, but little did you know that it was mutual.
⎯ WHEN SHE SAYS “you know that my train can take you home. anywhere else is hollow.”
due to the both of you probably traveling on the astral express, so the both of you don’t actually have a “home.”
“you know that my train can take you home,” relates to your relationship w/ dan heng because simply your presence is his home. and it also relates to the astral express too BUT YOUR PRESENCE = HIS PEACE.
⎯ it’s literally such a small and simple thing, but it means a lot to dan heng. just having you around is like bliss to him, and it’s the little things that matter.
— the themes of coming back to a person in evermore is SO dan heng. if anything happens, you are the first person he’d check on. you are the first thought in his mind when he wakes up. wherever his mind (or body) goes, it’s always back to you. he’s completely bewitched with you. like YOU ARE THE FIRST THING ON HIS MIND.
gepard
omg he is most definitely fearless.
⎯ he’s either fearless or red but i’m definitely leaning towards fearless
⎯ if his love was to be defined in a song it would either be jump then fall or untouchable. those are the top 2.
⎯ maybe fearless…
⎯ gepard is def a fearless boy bc like THAT WHOLE ALBUM IS JUST SO SWEET. like your relationship with him would be the sweetest thing in the world.
TELL ME NONE OF THESE LYRICS RESONATE
“untouchable, burning brighter than the sun. and when you’re close i feel like coming undone.” OR “in the middle of the night waking from this dream, i wanna feel you by my side standing next to me.” - untouchable
“every time you smile, i smile. and every time you shine, i’ll shine for you. don’t be afraid to jump then fall into me.” - jump then fall
LIKE…
love w/ gepard is pure and untouchable (yes). there is nothing but love between your relationship.
he definitely admires you. he is 100% the type of person to take candid photos of you just to look at them if he’s at work. he wants to be his best for you, and he just enjoys everything about you.
the thrill of a new relationship is still alive in your relationship with gepard. it doesn’t matter if you guys have been dating for like 2 years. gepard will still get so red if you kiss him. the same exciting feeling he got every time he kissed you is still there
— every time he kisses you (which is surprisingly often; not in public tho) he gets so red. but the same warmth and giddy feeling from your first kiss is still there.
the thing abt fearless is that it’s such an innocent and cute album. it’s similar to your relationship w/ gepard in a way that your relationship captures that feeling of everlasting and innocent love.
blade
reputation. maybe midnights ngl.
⎯ reputation is one of taylor’s most romantic albums and honestly blade lowk gives me romantic energy.
⎯ i can see midnights but i think i’m leaning more towards rep here.
⎯ so many good songs on rep that could describe blade but i think i’m going to go with delicate or dress. so it goes is also a close third.
most ppl usually associate rep w feelings of revenge. but most people overlook the super sweet love songs on the album.
rep is similar to blade’s love in that way. most people overlook it, thinking that nothing more than a fling or it’s disingenuous.
however, they couldn’t be nothing but wrong. blade loves you. he cherishes you more than anyone (even you) knows.
also like REP’S LYRICS?? SO ROMANTIC LIKE
“my one and only my lifeline.” (dress).
“everyone thinks they know us.” (dress).
“even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me.” (dress).
— does that not describe you and blade. like, he would literally do anything you say. he’d listen to you for hours and hours because nothing matters more to him then you.
— you two don’t pay attention to the rumors (that are terrible and cruel) or what anyone else says, because to blade, you being by his side is more important.
— and i think hurt and comfort would work well too. like, there could be terrible things happening rn and shit is going down. but throughout it all, you are the one constant that holds him down. through all the hazards, you still love him and he appreciates your love greatly.
sampo
— lover. i thought he’d be 1989 at first but he is definitely lover.
— i am seeing false god, i think he knows, or miss americana and the heartbreak prince.
your love would be fun and happy, much like the album lover (minus soon you’ll get better). it’s fulfilling and it always finds a way to surprise you.
— though some find parts of lover annoying (me!), they don’t really spend a lot of time to look into the lyrics of the album.
much like your love w/ sampo: people dislike him and wonder how he managed to get a girl like you to fall in love with him.
what they don’t know is that he’s (shockingly) kind?? and he cares about you?? and he remembers all the small things you like??? and he’ll always be right there when anything happens to you??
lover itself is such a cheerful and sweet album and i think it really describes his love: loud and sweet. he’ll do embarrassing things and he will probably get on your nerves, but throughout all of that he’s still caring and loving.
— “they say the road gets hard when you’re lead by blind faith. but we might just get away with it.”
— ITS SUCH A ROMANTIC AND UNDERRATED LINE THAT COMPLETELY DEFINES UR RELATIONSHIP
even though people think your relationship is set up to fail, you two are both determined to prove them wrong bc that’s how strong your love for each other is. he is never letting you go and you will do the same.
jing yuan
— midnights! no doubt abt it.
— sweet nothing, labyrinth, and MAYBE snow on the beach
— sweet nothing is HIS SONG. like THAT IS HIM.
his live is so packed and there’s so much going on. he’s juggling yanqing and generaling and it can be too much sometimes.
— “i find myself running into your sweet nothing.”
— “all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.”
— “and the voices that implore, ‘you should be doing more.’ to you i can admit that i’m just too soft for all of it.”
LIKEEEE. HES JUST TO SOFT FOR ALL OF IT. that’s why you’re his safe space. you never required anything from him and you just love him AND THATS ENOUGH.
he doesn’t need to be a mighty general or a strict master; he can just BE HIMSELF around you. he lets all his walls down and he’s fully vulnerable and YOU LOVE HIM LIKE THAT.
— this isn’t just a one way street btw. he loves you just as much as you love him.
there are no expectations between the two of you. you guys are such a HEALTHY couple. with all the worries in the world your love still prevails and i just think that is very sweet.
#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#dan heng x reader#dan heng x you#dan heng#gepard x reader#gepard x you#gepard landau#blade x reader#blade x you#sampo x reader#sampo x you
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day fifteen - shotgunning
pairing: dieter bravo x f!reader
word count: 528
warnings: 18+ content; no use of y/n; shotgunning, drug use aka weed, cockwarming
a/n: ngl i had to google this one and hope it's the right kink
• kinktober 2023 masterlist •
A giggle left her as Dieter slipped his cock into her again, her legs wrapped tightly around his middle where she sat in his lap. Not giving a single damn about the mess between them, his cum sticky and leaking out of her and onto the expensive sofa.
He had been gone just quickly to grab another joint, lighting it and taking a first drag before giving it to her. For once in his life he was chill. Not running around and yelling and being a jerk to people, just smoothing his hands over her sides in the post-orgasm haze, feeling her around his cock. Taking her body in slowly, a light smile on his lips and his eyes crinkling behind his dark glasses.
She felt the low buzz of it as she took a drag, then gave it back to him. Loving to just sit here with him, feeling him, like she was one with him.
Dieter sucked on it again, but didn’t exhale immediately. Instead, he grinned, pulling her just a little closer by her waist.
“Come here.” His voice could be so soft when his brain wasn’t pumped full of cocaine. Pleasant and soothing, as if he hadn’t just taken her apart a few times and whispered filth into her ear all the while. “Open your mouth.”
She leaned closer, opening her mouth just as he asked to. Curious about what he was planning and stunned when he exhaled the smoke into her mouth before he kissed her.
Somehow this only made the chill feeling better, giggling more as his lips moved against hers, his tongue slipping into her mouth. Her hips moved on their own before he stopped her, just wanting to enjoy her like this, too damn tired for another round.
Dieter kissed her again and again, but not rough and demanding for once, languid and soft instead.
Squeezing her breast so a small moan escaped her, he bit her bottom lip before pulling back.
“Fuck, Dieter.” She whispered, giggling again. All thoughts about work and travel and everything forgotten right now. “That was fucking hot.”
He chuckled, leaning back against the sofa and taking another drag. “I know, baby. Wanna go for another round?”
Exhaling the smoke in her direction, she nodded wildly, biting her bottom lip in excitement.
“Fuck yeah, Dieter.”
Her hands found their way into his hair as he finished the joint, swiftly pressing their lips together while he exhaled with a laugh. She was damn adorable like this, inhaling what he gave her before taking the lead this time.
So damn hungry, pressing herself against him. Her naked, sweaty skin against his, his big, warm hands keeping her hips from moving.
“You gotta do that when you fuck me.” She said, cupping his full cheeks with a wicked grin, her face close to his. “It’s so fucking hot, why the fuck haven’t you done that sooner?”
Dieter chuckled, shrugging his shoulders.
“Dunno, but be fucking sure there’s more places I can blow that smoke into.”
Her grin only became wider, biting her bottom lip.
She couldn’t wait to find out just what else he had in mind exactly.
#dieter bravo#dieter bravo fanfiction#dieter bravo x reader#dieter bravo fic#dieter bravo x you#pedro pascal character#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal character fanfic#dieter bravo smut#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal smut#kinktober 2023#my writing
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Step 2 confession. Do you ever think about how this must have looked like for their classmates? For them it would've been like, the two love-dorks that have been pining for each other for FIVE years suddenly return to school holding hands after just one random summer.
YEAH
like assuming the school goes up from grade school to middle, everyone knows abt your lil love story
and ofc they're all teasing you, which sucks for cove either way. bc if he's cold, he mainly sticks to you. and if he's warm/ in between, his other friends tease him for running to you.
omg... imagine you're in school, and you let him rest his head on your shoulder while you read a book or smth
if you're seen holding hands at any point.... it's an uproar OMG IMAGONE HOLDING HANDS UNDER THE DESK N SOMEONE BENDS DOWN TO PICK UP A PENCIL N HIT THE TABLE WHILE SCREAMING ABT U HOLDING HANDS.....
okay maybe ik I just had shitty teachers but I imagine some of the more bitter, evil teachers will try to keep you two apart. some will be like "its good for you! you should make friends!"
especially to cove, and puts the same pressure on you if you're nervous and reserved.
omg. imagine someone confesses to you or him, well if it's you cove is all "oh..." *twiddles thumbs*
he explodes when u tell him u said no bc you like someone else/are seeing someone (if you say boyfriend he screams n eventually hugs u to hide his face)
if it's him, he flounders ofc but he does say no and that he likes you very much. if they're persistent then eventually he yells that he's dating you.
yeah. no matter what he like snaps.. middle of class? lunch room? after-school pickup? yeah he'll say it in front of anyone n everyone somehow
OK im... not ngl I was just gonna agree w you n ramble a bit but I'm spiraling LOL
but imagine you get into high school, ofc some kids you knew will be there and eventually it'll spread around your high school as well
THERES PRBLY PICS TOO... say like during group songs or events, or group photos, etc. there's a 50/50 chance cove is looking at you, or you him.
omg imma have to make a whole post on school hc's... pls this is so juicy
OH MY GOD WHEN TEACHERS KNOW YOURE DATING...
"hey no handholding!" cove would jump 10ft and blush n hide his face
wrapping an arm around one another? a teacher is chastising you or pulling you apart (PLS I HAD THAT HAPPEN TO ME, I CANT RMBR HER NAME BUT LISTEN HERE MS.PRINCIPAL YOU WERE FUCKING UP MY RIZZ!!!)
omg. cove tries to rizz you all the time, no matter how minor. he just wants to be close to you ok n sometimes he's not above a lil PDA he can't help it sometimes
I imagine you definitely get caught tryna kiss too. don't let it be by your classmates or a loud mouth teacher who rats u out in front of the students or other teachers YOU NEVER LIVE IT DOWN
bruh now I wanna go to school w cove.. I'd rizz him up so bad too, he'd have to walk to math class w a blush on his face and hearts popping off him bc you've given him the Fattest kiss or flirted w him all lunch n he's LOVING IT
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MOST INCOHERENT MARWARE RAMBLING INCOMING
I'm so obsessed and I must talk because I love the amount of potential here
like it's. villain x hero's silly sidekick. that's hilarious
like think about it. Puzzles didn't quite get to Mario like to the others
babe's collateral and did he make Puzzles regret that
their dynamic
just the silly in general. I love the early time ship art "what those antennas do" hell if I know but Mario is keen to find out.
it's silly fun! really cute and fun, especially when it stop Puzzles in his tracks. When he expects fear or devotion and instead he gets such a weird and unexpected and chaotic form of adoration with which his heart (if it is still there) cannot handle. it's beautiful. Mario in general just having feelings for him. It's so good
but also I wanna explore the like, specific eroticism that you can put into the Hunt. The way how Mario hunts Puzzles because he craves Entertainment and he'll have it No Matter What, it's so disgustingly amusing and something I could think about forever. I never really understood this before but these 2 REALLY made me understand. Mario smashing every single TV on his way until he finds His One and the Hunt is over? I'm so fucked up, I'M SO F U C K E D
ngl I realise a certain part of the fandom would probably call me a freak for this. I'm calling them catholic guilt ridden
anyways!
the emotional. oh the emotional. Mario already had a different thing going on when it came to villains
I think he is like, the best candidate in general to help Puzzles in redeeming himself. Mario can be SO caring and like like like
it's just ONE facet of this, this isn't how it starts but over time it would become such an important part of this because he grows like, genuine attachment
but the most important thing in the beginning would be is that he's casual. He also has like. a very specific type of emotional maturity, which some people like to call inconsistent writing, I like to call it a quirk and acknowedge it with my whole heart
but it would like, allow the 2 to speak on like, more casual terms
where Puzzles isn't a danger anymore and Mario just so happens to be there at the right time, say the right words
the rights words for Mario to just so obviously see that Puzzles needs a friend so so badly and letting him have it
this once, maybe he can prove to be a cool friend
and oh would he.... oh my goooood would he aaaughgh
because at his core, like, Puzzles isn't evil for the sake of evil, he's evil to obtain what he wants
so like, if he isn't obtaining anymore kdsldlsk I bet he could be fun. Mario would make him touch grass, they would go places together, have some silly adventures together, some more chaotic than the other
a dynamic that would form between the 2 where Puzzles becomes just a bit too soft that he lets Mario get away with things he shouldn't
maybe even helps him because he finds it fun anyways
considering what he was before..... finding solace in chaos and forgetting perfection for a second there...... he finds perfection right beside him....... maybe like, for example in the middle of a food fight Mario causes because they gave him shitty spaghetti or something and Puzzles just seeing the glee on Mario's face over the fun chaos and just. Feeling something in himself. And he wouldn't, for a long time, realise that it's love. He never felt it before
I can almost imagine him turning to romantic movies and such, trying to figure out if the feeling fits. Because it's so so intense in him, he never felt anything like this. He can't talk to anyone about this, he has no other friends in all this. And oooh dhslksdjsd ooOOhOohK?,s,,s,s dsooooooooohhh,,, dsdldk
guys I think he would create. Idk I just think. ijust think .
having experiences in life now, things that just keep replaying in his head, as he is starting to have a life. he would create something from his own head. And it would be like a love letter to Mario. And he would GET IT. And by it I mean. You know. 😲😳😳😳😳😳😳don't make me say it............
okay okay.......!!! He would get Puzzles's homosexual ass.
#smg4#marware#Nicc-thinks#marware like a virus on my brain really rings true right now#I'm SO sorry to the people who are here for my 34 content but christ these 2 got me in the gayest chokehold of the century
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Ngl about that nipple scratching with teeth... i thought about that A LOT so I am glad someone is voicing out my thoughts on main
IKR i can’t stop thinking about it
to spend all day with an itchy nipple is so annoying, at some point you decide to ask for some help with it and Jiraiya is more than happy to be the one to provide you some relief.
He spreads his legs and pats his lap, urging you to sit on it.
“So what are we talking about here?” he pushes your shirt up helping you remove it to free your tits.
“I think it was a mosquito bite or something” you look down at your right breast, Jiraya quickly cups it, his big rough hand already contrasting with your soft skin, he rubs his thumb on your nipple without any pressure, the light friction makes you wanna scratch it even more.
“Jiraiya—“ you whine, moving your back away but his other hand holds you by your waist.
“You’re quite sensitive today, aren’t ya?” he flicks your nipple and you squirm on his lap.
“That’s not what I asked for” you whine again, hand wrapping around his wrist.
“So spoiled” he leans and bites your lobe, “Lemme have some fun first” rough fingers pinch your nipple and you moan, your tiny hand trying to get in between his to scratch it yourself but he slaps it away. His nails are short, yet he tries rub them on you, “Better?”
“Mhm” you sigh in relief, holding his bicep, “But it’s not enough.”
“Mm” he kisses you jaw moving down your neck until his lips are right above where you need him the most.
Jiraya presses his tongue starting on your areola, wetting the whole area with his saliva then getting away just enough to blow on it.
“Fuck” he does it a few times, your nipple so sensitive by now that the light stimulation makes you feel a pool starting to form between your legs. When Jiraiya finally wraps his warm lips on your cold bud you can’t help yourself from rubbing your core on his crotch, he clearly was very glad to help.
You moan his name, hands moving to tug his hair when he starts to use his teeth on that exactly itchy spot. The orgasmic sensation makes your core burn as you dry hump him. His hand on your ass encourages you as the other folds your other breast cause he doesn’t want it to feel lonely. Your back arches, pushing your breast even more against his face.
“Seems like there’s another place you need scratched, darling” he cups your core through your shorts, “Right here? Yeah?” his middle and index finger run on your slit, making your forget why you came to him in the first place until he bites your nipple more roughly this time, “What kind of boyfriend I would be if didn’t help you with that as well…”
#— mailbox 💌#here i am itching my own nipple as i write that#naruto x reader#jiraiya x reader#jiraiya smut#jiraiya x you
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Brocedes hasnt been brocedes all year. Its just a lot more ovi now. We got a certified nico lewis situation at merc. Toto picking the wrong guy once again. Whats new?
Okay first of all I wanna say this can't be a Nico - Lewis situation. There will never be a Nico - Lewis situation again. But I guess what you mean is there's an open, direct rivalry at Merc again. Which. Yeah sure. That's usually what happens. I'm not surprised it's happening, we mentioned it before.
(long post)
I'm not sure what you mean by 'Toto picking the wrong guy once again'. If you mean in the context of hiring George, I disagree because George is a very good driver. If you mean in the race, I highly doubt Toto is the one making the strategy calls in the middle of things. At the very most, the strategists tell him the options and he might green-light one of them.
They've been having strategy issues for a while now. That's also something we've talked about before. If anything, I'd say the issue lies with the strategy team rather than Toto or George. We've said the bad calls were hidden by the good car performance before but also I do think it's gotten worse. Back when it was announced that Vowles was leaving, I said not directly replacing him was bullshit. They claimed the rest of the department would just divide Vowles' workload between themselves. Toto said they'd been doing it already during the '22 season (when did the strategy issues ramp up? idk). What I said at the time was "someone is going to have to make the final decision on strategy" and "otherwise it's not gonna work". It might just not be working.
One thing I'll give credit to George for is that he's trying things. Hasn't there been a convo in the last few weeks with people (including me iirc) saying Merc is too conservative with the strategy? That they need to stop acting like they're at the front, defending rather than behind, chasing? Also isn't it kinda boring when the team doesn't give the car that's qualified behind a chance and only uses it to support the other? (Also with his quali performances lately, wouldn't that do more harm to Lewis than George?) I guess it's just the way being a fan goes, but I feel like every race weekend I see fans of either driver defending what or complaining about what they were complaining about or defending the previous race, depending on who they're rooting for the most. It's okay when it's their blorbo only (which again : just being a fan).
Anyway props to George for being a driver, and asking for more. That's his job. Sometimes it annoys me ngl. Sometimes I feel like he's acting too entitled during the races. But as I also said before, it's not particularly unexpected from a young driver. Lewis was really not that different in his days lol. They all have a chip on their shoulder and they are all essentially starving egotistical cunts. The older ones might just have learnt to hide it slightly better through the years. Slightly. Is Lewis being more of a team player? On track, probably so, props to him for that. Don't know how long it's gonna last in these conditions though, given that he's also a starving egotistical cunt. Off track, he's complaining very loudly and unsubtly about not being prioritised by the team in a not-so-great way imo. I'm repeating myself yet again but it's not as easy as just saying here's what needs fixing with the car, then claiming they're not listening to him when it doesn't suddenly work. Merc is truly fumbling with the development, and patience is not Lewis' greatest virtue lol. He's clearly getting frustrated with the performance, understandably so. I'm simultaneously pretty sure that's true for the whole team, not just him. So him saying they're not doing their best and voluntarily just not doing what he wants is probably not helping.
I do think that the team is gonna have to find a way to make it work between them two on track before they take each other out or straight up disobey team orders out of hunger or frustration. But well. Do I have to link the essay again? (Sorry for bringing it up 10 times a week.) It's not that easy managing intra-team rivalries and I see some people claiming they should pick a n°1 driver but how? Right now, Lewis and George are on par in quali (8-8). George has less points for sure but you also gotta take into account that he's had four terrible races in the year, not always by his fault (although sometimes yes). Outside of these four races, their results are very similar. This is not a Max-Perez type of gap by far. Lewis is most probably not gonna stay for 10 more years despite what he sometimes likes to pretend, George might. I'm still rooting for Lewis first and everybody else second but if you look at this realistically, it's not as simple as saying to George "look we're betting on you for the future, someday, but until Lewis retires you'll always be a second thought to us. But you know, still stay with us and take it lying down. Toodles!" He's completely right about it, but it's easier for Lewis to say "we're fighting for the team not for driver points" when he's the one ahead in the standings. Because what? You always always have to do better than your teammate. (Again, sorry for bringing it up constantly.)
In some way the issue with both of them is impatience. Lewis is impatient to have a good car again and he's starting to somewhat take it out on the team which isn't ideal. For all they looove saying we win and we lose together, that's not a supportive behavior claiming publicly they're just not listening to him. George is impatient to get track position and to beat his team-mate and he's rushing the racing too much, making rookie mistakes in the process (see Singapore) and demanding sometimes more than his due during races.
So yeah I think they need to rein them both in — one off track, one on track — but also without rejecting all new ideas and all questioning, both when it comes to the car and when it comes to the race strategy. It's not gonna be easy, but it's definitely gonna be very interesting.
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IWTV S2 Ep2 Musings - At the Chateau
More random musings; this time specifically about The Hunt at the Chateau.
I hate these two wenches specifically, but NGL, they look cool here.
Ohhhh, AMC knew what they were doing, going RIGHT for my ovaries! 😍 DADDY TUAN PHAM! 😍😍
Sincere is one thing. HONEST is another, though. Y'all knew those Americans were sus, Armand. They're not buying that "Bruce" BS, Louis, don't sleep on them!
I am SO BUMMED that we didn't get to SEE this scene; I was so excited!
Now I'll never get to see Louis so bored out of his skull by Santiago's thespian charms that he starts snoring in the middle of the play. U_U
Mr. I Could Not Prevent It, what were YOU doing to protect your man? You slaughter random innocent fledglings just for blinking, but you let your whole coven plot Louis & Claudia's demise right under your nose?
Bull frikkin crap!
Daciana been knew. U_U
Who is the coven LEADER, and the coven MASTER?
"COMPLICIT" finna be my favorite word this season, istg.
SO well said, Louis; as this beastly monstrous coven has TWO heads, these SNAKES, this immortal Hydra that only dies when Hercules cuts its head off and cauterizes the wound.
I am SO ready.
I loooove this transition frame; the Moulin Rouge as the most famous French theatre in pop culture, as Louis snaps his sad photos and Claudia whoops and the Theatre Louis sets on fire takes them hunting to a chateau they'll set on fire.
Reminds me of what Lestat said: "there is a veil between us; but it is a THIN veil." Louis will never be "one" with y'all. He's already bound by "a cord you cannot see, but it is real;" all your Mind Gift's mindscrewing can't un-screw Lestat out of Louis' blood! 😜 Louis drags that camera EVERYWHERE, ducking behind the lens, seeing the world thru a Glass Darkly; a warped perception of time & space. Cuz he's STRUGGLING; looking for God; looking for ("the wrong kind" of) love in all the wrong places.
Look at the things he takes pictures of! He's documenting DEATH; a MASS MURDER--"you are chronicling a suicide"--as the coven rides their bikes to the house they're gonna KILL everyone in. This isn't a mere road trip; this is a HUNT.
Equestrian statues & triumphal arches--monuments of blood-soaked imperialism & colonialism.
Hedonistic bacchic revelries. "I want food, I want sex, I want to go home."
Meanwhile, Claudia's high as a kite, on cloud 9.
EVERYBODY, Claudia? As they pan to Louis? "I hate you both!"
I wanna throw up when I remember Claudia's ashes got mixed with the coven's when the Theatre burned down. U_U No justice, and no peace. Claudia, I would've become the most notorious Parisian poltergeist in history--the Pope himself would've had to come up to perform the exorcism, on god I'd make my death everyone's problem.
But the LOOK on Louis' face, omg.
Whole 5 stages of grief in reverse:
Acceptance: he TRIES to "be one with us," taking on the "collective hunger;" smiling (fake AF) as he tries to soak in Claudia's ecstasy; riding in Armand's sidecar, flirting with the "Maitre," cozying up with his potential new beau
Depression: knowing full well he hates the rampant bloodlust & violence, the carnage in the chateau on fire behind him
Bargaining: Mr. I Only Eat Once Every Other Day, refusing to take part the the slaughter but still standing by--you are all COMPLICIT--while they were being killed; and agreeing to have Armand teach him how to be a better killer by honing the Mind Gift, etc.
Anger: The Fire Gift WHENNNNNNN? Foreshadowing AF! Claudia, you WILL be avenged!
Denial: Lestat WHO? Being told straight to his face that Armand knows he's lying, knows he's been collecting alimony & child support checks from Roget, knows Claudia wants to join the coven that set up a frikkin shrine to the dude, knows Santiago's a cheap imitation of Lestat, knows DreamStat's gonna keep haunting the narrative, I can't
An EFFED UP Gothic Romance.
The book stans who keep complaining about this show are just willfully ignoring what AMC's doing here. There is PLENTY we can complain about absolutely! But overall this adaptation is a slam dunk.
#louis de pointe du lac#the vampire armand#interview with the vampire#iwtv season 2 spoilers#iwtv tvc metas#must see tv#the hype is real#pyromaniac du lac#justice for claudia
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the folklore love triangle pt.1
part 1: cardigan vol.1 (0.00-0.58)
content: kissing (obvs), minimal use of y/n, basically just the folklore love triangle idk :), no upside down!au (years the same e.g. steve’s junior year is 1983-84, senior year 1984-85, graduated and living in hawkins in ‘86, same with y/n, eddie held back for his second senior year in ‘86, making him the same age as steve + y/n :D)
a/n: i hope u enjoy! i can’t stop thinking about this series. when i was out today all i could think about was coming home and writing this im ngl bahaha :D
series masterlist
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
24th July 1986, Present Day.
“Stevie, I’m gonna miss you so much.” You whined with a pout as you clutched desperately at the neck of your boyfriend’s white polo shirt.
“Baby, I have to. Believe me, I don’t wanna be holed up in some fancy schmancy country club with a bunch o’ stuck up moneybags either but my Dad wants me to. Somethin’ about ‘making good connections’.” Steve glanced down at your widening eyes that were brimming with tears. Maybe it was the sweltering July heat or the fact that you’d been together for so long but Steve most definitely would drop the whole trip if you asked him to. Right then and there.
But you knew it was important to him to please his Dad, although said man was absent from his son’s life for most of the time that you had been in it.
“I love you so much, Steve.” You buried your face in his chest as his arms tightened around the thin fabric of your flowered sundress.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” And with that his father whisked him away, to a country club in another state too far away. Any distance over a metre between you and Steve is too far away.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
October 1984, Flashback
Vintage tee, brand new phone,
High heels on, cobblestone,
When you are young they assume you know nothing.
You and Steve had been a bundle of drunken roaring laughter for the best part of an hour. You’d been traipsing through neighbourhood after neighbourhood in a messy, giggling stupour after a two hour stint at ‘The Hideout’. You’d listened to a few bands performing, sure, but the drinks had come in masses.
“D’you remember that time in-“ You hiccuped in the middle of your sentence, your ankle wobbling as your high heels disagreed with the cobblestone of the sidewalk, which led you and Steve into another fit of obnoxiously high pitched laughter. All of a sudden, you noticed your best friend had stopped laughing.
“You’ve got something in your hair.” He reached forward and your eyes unashamedly zeroed in on his biceps flexing in the short sleeves of his vintage t-shirt he had proudly shown off to you soon after its purchase, knowing that you liked that sort of stuff. At this point, he had removed whatever was in your hair but your close proximity remained the same.
You locked eyes underneath the dim glow of the amber streetlight beaming onto each of your faces. Steve took notice of the shadows it created, accentuating features he had fallen in love with in middle school. Now it was your Junior Year of high school and he still fell in love with them every day. He just hadn’t told you. You took notice of how the light reflected in his eyes, the golden flecks it created in the pools of chocolate brown that you’d loved for so long. You just hadn’t told him.
“Kiss me. Please, Steve.” You slurred slightly.
And he did.
April 1985, Flashback
Sequin smile, black lipstick,
Sensual politics,
When you are young they assume you know nothing.
The distant thunk of your high heels descending the stairs had Steve turning around in an instant. When he saw your figure, every part of you that he had grown to love clad in a black dress, smile nothing short of charming and dark, shiny lipstick that made him want to kiss you forever.
“You look beautiful.” He gaped although he felt stupid because ‘beautiful’ didn’t feel anywhere near strong enough to describe how you looked to him
“Thank you, handsome.” Your face grew hot under his attention. Steve had been invited to one of his parents’ fancy dinners and was offered the opportunity to bring a plus one. If there was anyone that could make one of his parents’ monotonous events bearable, it would be you. Plus, he could show you off.
A comfortable silence set in as you both moved fluidly around one another to get on your shoes and coats. Before heading out the door you gave yourself a once over in the mirror.
“You really do look beautiful, my love.” He smiled, making eye contact with you in the mirror. He circled his arm around your waist and you spun in his arms to face him. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” He brush a strand of your hair away from your face and pulled you in for a long passionate kiss which left you both flustered and breathless, him with a dark smudge of your mauve lipstick on his lips. He wiped it off with a chuckle and led you out the door by the small of your back.
August 1985, Flashback
But I knew you,
Dancin’ in your Levis,
Drunk under a streetlight, I,
I knew you,
Hand under my sweatshirt,
Baby, kiss it better, I,
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed,
You put me on and said I was your favourite.
“I can’t believe he called me that.” Steve muttered solemnly. You were both tucked up in bed, the bedside lamp flicked on. Steve had been resting his eyes and you were reading a book with your knees tucked up to your chest.
“Stevie… you’re not worthless, honey.” The word felt bitter coming out of your mouth, despite the fact that you weren’t using it maliciously against him as his father had been. You bookmarked your page and set your book down on the bedside table. You crawled over to Steve and straddled his waist. He pulled you into a hug and you accepted, slipping your hand beneath his yellow sweater he had yet to remove for the night’s sleep. You rested your chin on his chest and moved your other hand to occupy his hair. “You’re my favourite person, you know that?” You mumbled sweetly. Proudly. If Steve wasn’t already on the edge of crying, he sure was now. But not for the same reasons before.
That singular sentence spoken from the lips of the girl he loved most in the world in one moment could erase the hundreds of cruel words spat from his father’s mouth over a lifetime. A tear slipped down his cheek and you were quick to wipe it away.
“I love you.” He blurted. Your mouth dropped open in shock. That was the first time he had said those words to you.
“And I love you.” Was your quick response. That’s all he had needed. He sniffled slightly and pulled you back into his chest.
You two fell asleep in that position and woke up in that position the next morning. You with your slippers still on your feet and him still clad in his bright yellow sweater and his marginally uncomfortable Levi’s. But that didn’t matter, he was fine as long as you were with him.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───
a/n; first instalment, check! i’m not totally sure which part of which song i’ll do next however it’ll most likely be august vol.1 which will be the first part of the song so i hope ur excited for that! feel free to leave some positive thoughts down below (if u thought it was good) and if not just keep scrollin’ !!
#steve harrington#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington angst#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#eddie munson#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fanfic#taylor swift#songfic#song fic#stranger things#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader#stranger things fanfiction#taylor#taylor swift song#folklore
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Okay!. 1 i absolutely love your work beautiful absolutely beautiful. And found it by total accident too. Best accident ever lol.
Uhm 2. (Sorry helps me focus) uhh so! They change with the lighting right. What if it was day out but say it was super cloudy out would they switch back and forth walking? Ngl would be funny to imagine just switching back and forth between eachother because of how cloudy it is and how much the clouds would block the sun every so often.
3 sooo no spoilers or anything i don't wanna stress you if it's an issue but the pryncess was sick for a while and your last chapter makes it a very hm uhm unexpected but expected cliffhanger. Would sun and moon be able to detect anything different in mannerisms of hers or because it was so long and she's human they assume it's just a normal human thing?. Or would they be able to like sense somethings up with them some kinda robo sense?.
4 again just wanna say love your work. Art and story it's wonderful and I'm captured. This story has me in a dang death grip and I'm feral for it lmao! /jk /p i mean everything in goodsense and such nothing rude or mean or anything. ( autistic so i always worry my messages come off weird or such sorry if it does come off weird!)
1. Awh thank you my love!!
2. Nope, it’s darkness and light. The middle ground they stay as whoever they were last, it just takes a bit more energy and focus, and it’s easier for the other to take control by force if they wanted to.
3. I’ll go ahead and say this is spoilers just to be safe
4. Ehehe thank you!! Nothing came off bad at all I prommie! :)
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Hey! I'm currently writing a fic rn, and I thought I'd ask you about a few things, just for help..
So, number one, how do you depict your characters so well? And I mean that as in how do you make them seem so real and almost exactly like the show? I'd love to know
Secondly, what's your best advice for making things flow together and sound smooth? Instead of choppy bits and 5 different events happening at once?
If you could answer these, I'd be so grateful 🙏🏻 if not that'd completely okay. Either way thank you for taking the time to read this :]
-🤍
!!! I'm!! Literally so flattered you want tips from me omg
Ok well, when it comes to writing for specific characters, I don't know what else to say than consume all the media. A lot of little ideas and details I use were inspired by comics or other fics that I've read. If I'm in the middle of writing and I get stuck I literally just scroll through hazbin content on here. And for dialogue, when I rewatch the show I try to keep in mind how characters talk to eachother and (in Lucifer's case) little reactions that you might not notice unless you're purposely looking for it.
Another thing I do is try to write like little bios about characters (kind of that practice makes perfect idea) but it's great to have those little choppy bits if it helps you get a feel of the character more! For the reader, I actually just try to base it off my little oc I made when I first started writing. Mentally, it helps me keep track of what kind of character the reader is from fic to fic. That all takes some time to develop but I really think it helped me in the long run. And for Lucifer, I have a pretty structured idea about what kind of person he is and what his relationship with Lillith was like, and I make sure that doesn't change between each fic. Technically that does limit me to Lucifer fics but ngl I'm not mad about that
When it comes to flow, my stories actually do start out as a bunch of choppy blurbs! I'll like write down in my notes intrusive thoughts throughout the day and try to connect it with details that'll just make it flow more. For the Demon Barber, I wanted to play with the relationship between a demon who's known Lucifer since he was with Lillith. And I had another blurb about touch starved lucifer who loves being pampered by some kind of cosmetic reader. So I combined it, even if it's the smallest details, it really fleshes it out. Once you get a super vague idea of what you want, it's easier to come up with those little blurbs. It's literally how I start all my fics, so you're definitely already in a good spot already if you have some little ideas you wanna expand on.
Some little, unrelated, tips: When I wanna write a big story I use my laptop and for some reason that puts me in a mindset for better writing. Keep an eye out for repeating phrases and google synonyms if that's the case! And honestly rereading it over and over again really helps. Like even the really small details, trying to connect A to B can literally be as easy as adding a sentence or a dialogue.
I hope any of this helps and it didn't just come out as a bunch of gibberish! I'm seriously so glad you like my stories, and I'm super excited to see what you come up with!
If you have any other questions or wanna shoot some ideas by me pleeeease message me I'd love to chat more often! :D
Happy writing, babe! ❤️❤️❤️
#literally love you guys so much#so flippin excited to see how you write#hazbinhotel#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel fandom#hazbin art#hazbin hotel art#hazbin hotel fanfic#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin fanfiction#hazbin fandom
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What's set as your phone's lockscreen?
Cheese or chocolate?
Do you have any nicknames?
Last song you listened to?
Have you ever written fanfiction?
Are you on discord?
Do you have any piercings?
What do you think says the most about a person?
If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?
Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?
Headphones or earbuds?
What's the last thing you said out loud?
What's a weird fact that you know?
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Favorite place to nap?
Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Describe yourself in three words.
Jeans or sweatpants?
What's your go-to Starbucks order?
A color you can't stand?
What's your most prized possession?
Coffee or tea?
Favorite extinct animal?
How long have you been on tumblr?
Desert island item?
Describe your aesthetic.
What's your dream job?
Relationship status?
Describe your favorite outfit.
Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?
What color is your hair?
Do you talk to yourself?
Do you wear makeup?
Best compliment you ever received?
@ your favorite blog.
ohhh anon ngl this was super fun to answer, thanks for sending it to me 💜
I have a light pink basic wallpaper, nothing fancy
Chocolate, always
My friends and siblings call me Ama, amara or mara, i’m also called aisha, which is my middle name💗
Teacher’s pet bc i’m trying to get into the mood when writing professor Eris pt 3💀🤤
Yess, this is the blog I write fanfics on!!
Nope!!
I have my nips pierced, I have three piercings in each ear and a nose stud. Bro when I tell you I almost passed tf out?? I hate needles but like i love to look cunty🤷🏽♀️
I honestly don’t know, maybe my kindness? I’m empathetic and very emotional. The thought of making someone sad or making them feel bad makes me feel physically ill.
An oreo, basic but delicious
Cat person for sureeee, i think dogs are cute but i prefer kitties
Headphones for sure, I never leave my house without them. I really recommend them too, they’re called skullcandy hesh evo and have amazing noise cancellation
I said fuck out loud
Did you know that goats have accents? Yeah, a goat from europe won’t understand a goat from asia. My grandmother owns goats and she let me know. At first I thought she was fucking with me but it’s true.
A night owl through and through, I sleep during the days and im awake during the nights
My bed for sure, it’s so comfortable bc i have the softest blankets and a massive comforter. My mattress is super plushy and it feels like sleeping on a cloud.
I think i’m bi with a preference for women
funny as fuck, introverted, anxious
Sweatpants at home, jeans outside
I don’t drink starbucks
obnoxiously bright and strong colors
Neither, I like super sweet drinks, but gun to my head the probs coffee.
Dinosaurs, love those lil fuckers
I’ve had this blog for almost 3 months but I had my old account for about 1 year.
If i could bring one item to a deserted island, i’d bring a sharp knife.
I think hyperfeminine and dark academia. My room is super cute in my opinion and it’s a mix between pink and dark colors. My outfit inspos are rachel green, monica geller and jasmine tookes.
My dream job is being a housewife and i’m so serious. I’m not made to sit in an office or work long hours. I just wanna stay at home, bake, look cute, make a house into a home and just exist. Is it really that hard 😩
I’m happily married to my hot wife @rowaelinsdaughter i love her SO MUCH🫶🏽
My fav outfit that I repeat is this one huge white sweater paired with my black pants, I pair it with black boots and a black long coat with a scarf from acne studios
anything chase atlantic, the nbhd, ldr, melanie martinez, burna boy ik the lyrics to hella songs but by fav is probably show me how by men i trust or art deco by ldr
My hair is black, jet black
yes, I talk to myself all the time…
Yes, I wear make up all the time I love it!!
That I have a nice vibe and energy. And I was once told by my sister that i’m the one she calls first for everything bc i’m the one she wants hearing good news first. She said she trusts me the most and i nearly cried😭😭😭
Here are my fav blogs -> !!!!
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