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arlathvhenan · 7 months

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hey, just wanted to thank you for your and kaija-rayne-author's post about Solas being ND. I only got super deeply into him very recently and it's been fun but also... incredibly distressing and disheartening, and i couldn't quite put my finger on why. im usually fine with ppl disliking characters i like, but so many of the opinions on him were very two dimensional and simplistic or outright hostile. just... yeah. i appreciate you typing all that out. it rly helped clarify part of why i gravitate towards him so much and part of why it's been so upsetting to see how he gets treated by some of the fandom.

You’re welcome, and I get it. I’m not normally this defensive when it comes to fictional characters. I’m so used to the fandoms treating my favorites better than the actual writers that this situation is downright unprecedented XD

NDs have to stick together and stand up for each other because clearly no one else will.

Yes, Solas is ultimately just a fictional character. He’s an idea, but how people respond to certain ideas, even in fiction, says a lot about them and what they believe. It’s generally never a one to one. Things like tone, context, and framing matter. For example I’m not going to try and argue that anybody who really loves Dennis Reynolds from Always Sunny is somehow a bad person for finding such an awful person entertaining.

That said, there’s a big difference between finding a character entertaining and actually relating to them on an emotional level. And connecting with a character emotionally is not only one of the most rewarding aspects of fiction, it’s also a huge component of what makes for good representation.

Wether or not Weekes intended to write Solas as neurodivergent is ultimately irrelevant. Authorial intent can only go so far. At the end of the day what matters is what the actual text tells us and how the audience responds to it.

The fact that many neurodivergent fans of Dragon Age identify so strongly with him is all it really takes for him to be a neurodivergent coded character. And as we’ve established over and over, neurodivergent people have a pretty difficult time finding good representation.

I really shouldn’t need to explain why representation matters in goddamn 2023, and I honestly don’t have the energy to right now. What I will say is I sure hope we don’t need to re-explain that shit because I thought it was pretty common knowledge by now but I digress…

As I said earlier, it’s never a one to one with fiction, but overall you can gauge a person’s capacity for empathy and emotional intelligence based on their relationships with fiction. And the way people talk in this fandom sometimes…it’s honestly pretty alarming just how little emotional intelligence factors in to the way people formulate their opinions. It makes you wonder just how much of their attitude towards a fictional character with neurodivergency translates to the way they see and treat actual people.

I’m not saying disliking Solas as a character automatically means you must hate neurodivergent people, but a lot if the arguments I see people use to defend their position are either:

1) Factually inaccurate or otherwise misrepresent/misinterpret the facts

2) Sound like a lot if the same shit people have said to or about me because they don’t know how to properly deal with or respond to neurodivergent people.

That first one is just frustrating, but the second one hurts. And the idea that flagrantly offending an entire group of people with no remorse simply because you can’t empathize with them is considered acceptable? That really sucks. It just sucks to think about.

#dragon age #solas dragon age #solas dread wolf #writing #neurodiversity #neurodivergent problems

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lyd-sewing · 1 year

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Ok ok

Basically every friend group I've been in had 3 types of people in it

1. The therapist friend

Being the therapist friend isn't easy but it has the least barriers to entry bc it doesn't require as much life experience or social experience

IMO it's a good skill for everyone to have bc you learn a lot from asking other people questions

Basically you just have to be polite

As well as learn how to soothe yourself and validate your own feelings

The way to socially develop as a therapist friend is to gravitate towards people that have the right social disposition (people that make the kind of friends you would want to have)

If you come across as non-judgemental/ receptive/ open, people are gonna be comfortable introducing you to a lot of people

Also you could volunteer for a counselling hotline/ anxiety support group/ mental health organisation if you want actual training

Lastly, be someone that reaches out to people and checks in with people. Tell them you hope they're having a good day.

In terms of self-soothing, the therapist friend usually has 1 or 2 things that they do very consistently. Maybe they're very focused on progressing career-wise, maybe they're really into going to the gym or making music or they do yoga or like to paint. Either way, I think their consistency and relentlessness is inspiring to people.

2. The advisor friend/ plug

Basically this is anyone that has taken an unconventional pathway and has been really inquisitive about their options in the process

You're someone that puts your friends onto new experiences that they wouldn't have thought to try or can refer them to organisations/ people when they're inneed

If you're someone that is neurodivergent, this is a really good role for you (in my opinion) bc you're constantly finding new ways to do things that work for you

The advisor/ plug friend is generally the most funny, sociable and charismatic, someone that talks to a range of different people of different ages and experiences. Someone that can make even the most awkward/ shy people feel valued.

Part of being the advisor/ plug friend is fighting for what you believe in, people that go to protests and are involved in the community tend to fall into this role pretty naturally.

3. Friend that is really good at sparking conversation between people

This role tends to require the most social experience

Basically the way to become this friend is to choose people that need different kinds of support

You have to make suggestions for how people can improve their lives in a way that's very very subtle. But you don't want to be too direct/ invested in other people. For example if someone isn't applying for grad jobs you could say "you're lazy, you procrastinate a lot" in a joking way. Or if someone more reserved goes to Singapore you could be like "Did you go clubbing? Why didn't you go clubbing?". Essentially you're manic pixie dream girl-ing/ boy-ing people.

You want to constantly be introducing your friends to each other to form friend groups

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dilfhaljordan · 3 years

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y’know, i think i might’ve realized why so many people gravitate towards batfam instead of flashfam

to the extent of my knowledge, most of the flashfam are related to each other either biologically or by marrying (to clarify i’m talking specifically abt pre52 flashfam rn since i haven’t actually read any of the new52 yet). you have:

barry allen, the flash

iris west, barry’s wide

wally west, iris’ nephew

linda park, wally’s wife

don and dawn allen, iris and barry’s children in the 30th century

jenni ognats, the daughter of don and jeven ognats

bart, the son of dawn and meloni thawne, making him jenni’s cousin and wally’s first cousin once removed (i think so anyways i’m not sure)

owen mercer, bart’s half-brother

thaddeus thawne II, bart’s clone and technically his twin/brother

jai and irey west, linda and wally’s kids

pretty much the only ones who aren’t biologically related in any sense are jay and joan garrick, who imo act like barry’s parents, and also temporarily had bart in their care for a while

of course, this isn’t including people like jesse chambers, max crandall, johnny chambers, etc. bc i’m mostly going through the family tree, however they are very close friends/allies who are generally considered as part of the flashfam

ANYWAYS, like i said, that list of people? they’re all biologically connected in some way, or in linda + joan + iris’s cases, they married in.

now let’s look at the batfam, which is made up almost entirely of non-biologically related people (once again, not taking into account close friends such as babs and steph):

alfred pennyworth, the wayne’s butler and the man who raised bruce (along with leslie thompkins)

bruce wayne, batman

dick grayson, bruce’s first son

jason todd, bruce’s second son

tim drake, the third son

cassandra cain, bruce’s one and only daughter

damian wayne, son of bruce and talia al ghul, and the only member with any sort of blood relation to bruce

talia al ghul, who isn’t generally considered a part of the batfam (thanks to morrison ruining her entire character smh) but was once married to bruce

this list also doesn’t take into account close friends/allies like stephanie brown, barbara gordon, selina kyle, etc. bc none of them are official members of the family, though they are counted as family by most people (including me). again, these are the official members of the batfam

it’s pretty common knowledge that the batfam is the most popular family in the entire dc franchise. the fanworks alone go to show that, and dc isn’t much better when it comes to that. it can be hard to figure out why, since the batfam can be so messed up sometimes, especially compared to the flashfam, which imo is one of the most openly loving and caring families in dc. despite that, the flashfam fandom is like a single speck of dust compared to the batfam fandom, which can honestly be really frustrating bc they deserve more recognition, but i digress

anyways, the main difference between these two families?

blood relations.

okay, let me explain. here’s the thing—the batfam fandom is mostly made up of people that are queer, neurodivergent, mentally ill, or maybe just don’t have that great of a home life. this post explains it much better than i ever could, but the general gist is that these people love the concept of found family since they usually don’t have an amazing relationship or are rejected by their blood family, and the batfam is built on found family. like i said, the only people related by blood are bruce and damian—everyone else is a) adopted or b) close enough to the family that they’re considered part of it (think steph, babs, alfred, etc.)

now, i’m pretty sure that the batfam is the only family that’s pretty much completely found family (with the exception of lanternfam, but hal, kyle, jess, simon etc. don’t fall into archetypal roles like the dad, the brother, the uncle, etc. so i feel like that plays a big role in why the lanternfam isn’t nearly as popular + the fact that most people just don’t really seem to care about them). most of dc’s other families are blood related—and this includes flashfam, which i think it actually the family that has the most blood-related members in it.

here’s the thing—some of the members of the flashfam absolutely do play at least a little bit into found family. take bart, for example—he travelled back in time from the future. iris couldn’t take care of him bc she couldn’t spoil future events for the others (i think so anyways i’m not too sure), wally was nowhere prepared to mentor a kid who was so much like him, so max was the one to take him in, and they ended up having an amazing father-son relationship, and they weren’t related to each other, either.

still, despite definitely having more healthy relationships than the batfam, most of the flashfam is blood-related, which is probably a huge part of why people gravitate towards the batfam—the idea of having a found family that, while dysfunctional and messy, is a family that loves each other, is really appealing towards people who are queer/neurodivergent/etc. not only that, a lot of the batfam members are unintentionally neurodivergent coded, which is another reason for the flashfam not being nearly as popular (though i firmly believe that most if not all speedsters are adhd i mean just look at bart’s 90s solo comic but that’s not the point)

of course there’s also the fact that dc just loves promoting the batfam for whatever reason...most of the dc animated movies have batman + nightwing in them, and god whenever i scroll down to movies that have ‘batman’ in their title on my tv list it’s so goddamn long...batman himself is one of the most well-known fictional characters ever, and while the flash is popular, it pales in comparison to batman. most forms of dc media have the batfam or at least bruce, alfred + dick or damian in them (batman and harley quinn, batman vs robin, the dcamu universe, etc.) while the flash...

i’m pretty sure barry’s the only one to really consistently appear in any sort of dc media that isn’t comics, but the one movie that could be considered a flashfam movie is justice league: the flashpoint paradox and even then i feel like it’s a stretch. other than that, all i can think of if wally making some cameos in the 2003 teen titans cartoon + his appearances in ttg. even in video games, there’s no bart, no jay, no max—only barry as the flash and wally as kid flash, even if the timeline doesn’t make sense

so yeah. that’s my reasoning for why the batfam is so much more popular than the flashfam

#bruce wayne #dick grayson #barry allen #batfam #flashfam #meta #long post #hhhh this took forever to write smh #*#*meta

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dragonzzilla · 3 years

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Why Are Monsters Relatable?

Ishiro Honda: “Monsters are tragic beings. They are born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy … After several stories such as this, people end up having a kind of affection for the monsters. They end up caring about them.”

It seems to be a perennial question among monster fans. Why do we relate to the likes of Godzilla, a 300 foot tall fire-breathing dinosaur that regularly destroys cities? Is it because the destruction of models hearkens back to a simpler time, when we were young and full of play and felt like giants among our toys? I can’t deny that reading. Yet how many of us were inspired to do that because of Godzilla? What was it about Godzilla that appealed to our child brains, and moreover why does he remain in our hearts still? It can't just be the spectacle; my subconscious is a graveyard of loud and explosive movies, yet Godzilla endures, solid as bedrock. There must be something there, beneath the noisy trappings; some fundamental quality that allows Godzilla to resonate with us, 70 years after his debut.

Speaking for myself, the reason I relate to monsters is because I'm a monster. Not the kind that destroys cities, but someone who is always going to be treated as something other than human. I'm queer and neurodivergent, and for some people that's reason enough to write me off. I'm not like them, and I never will be.

Being different in our society is incredibly alienating. You don't feel the things you're told are 'normal' to feel; likewise, you care about things that you're told you shouldn't. You grow up in a system that doesn't care about you, that puts the onus on you, and tries to hammer and beat you into a more convenient shape. You're constantly reminded of your deviancy. So you learn shame. You start to internalize the hate. You start believing you are grotesque like everyone says, even though it's not your fault. I certainly didn't ask to be made this way. I have trouble communicating and making connections with people; I’ve been the subject of ridicule from my peers; and I often feel helpless.

So is it any wonder why someone like me would gravitate towards these monsters, who keep to themselves, feel utterly alone, and only lash out when thrust into a world that doesn’t understand them? Godzilla, Kong, Rodan, they’re only monsters by virtue of being strange; our system simply isn’t built with them in mind. But these creatures usually live peacefully, until the world forces them to change--and that change is often violent.

But unlike us, monsters are powerful. When change is forced upon them, they respond in kind, striking back against a cruel and ignorant world--smashing the symbols we’ve come to see as monolithic, screaming bloody defiance, as if proclaiming to the world, “I am here!” And that’s cathartic for someone who feels powerless. It’s a power fantasy through and through, even though the stories of these monsters often end in tragedy. Yet the tragedy is essential. When these monsters die, it’s not a triumph of good over evil; it’s framed as terrible and stupid and preventable. It’s an admission that the Other can and should exist, but the world as it currently exists is hostile to it, and it’s something that has to change if we’re to avoid further misery.

I love monsters because I see myself in them, far more than I ever did Batman or Superman or Spider-Man. They’re ugly and maligned, like me, for reasons outside of their control, like me. As Guillermo del Toro once said: “Monsters are the patron saints of our imperfections.”

… that it’s wrapped in the spectacle of fire-breathing dinosaurs and giant monkeys beating the snot out of each other is just the icing on the cake.

#monsters #kaiju #godzilla #decided to make this into its own post

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owl-angel · 3 years

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What Are Incarnate Angels?

Incarnate angels are simply angels who incarnate as humans to fulfill a purpose on Earth. This exact purpose is different from angel to angel, but it always involves spreading love and healing. They tend to gravitate towards the people who need to heal, and they will change their lives for the better. They may find that they attract a lot of individuals with unhealed trauma. Like everyone else, they cannot fully heal anyone, but they are a great guide down that path.

Some people refer to them as earth angels. They are gentle creatures who do their best to help others. I think that there are many angels out there who don’t realize who they are on a soul level. It may not be within their path to ever know, but they still do their angelic work.

I’d like to mention that angels and incarnate angels are not superior to humans. We just play a different role in this complicated world. Anyone claiming to be superior is not likely going to be an incarnate angel.

They are here to teach, but also to learn. These people contain spiritual wisdom beyond their years. They tend to encounter difficulties in their lives, because in order to help others they must learn how to help themselves. Through these difficulties they will learn how to better help and understand others. They can have trauma from these difficult experiences. They may have had a traumatic childhood or adolescence, or they may have had significant relationship issues later in life. They may often feel misunderstood due to their high sensitivity, but even still they do their best to understand others. Many may call themselves an empath or highly sensitive person.

They often feel sad about the world and it’s injustices. They are loving creatures from beyond this Earth, so they may struggle to understand human cruelty. Because of this, politics are likely a stressful subject. However, they can be strong in their beliefs, which come from a desire to create a more loving world. They dream of a brighter future for humanity, and they are a part of the path to it. They may be involved in various social movements, especially ones related to human rights. It isn’t uncommon for them to be vegetarian or vegan.

They are very wise and humble, so the idea of being in the spotlight can seem intimidating or undesirable. They are not likely to want to be in the spotlight, but occasionally this is where the universe wants them to be. Their wisdom and kindness can sometimes be needed to be seen by a wider audience. Despite their importance for humanity’s path, it is rare for them to obtain fame. Angels like to work behind the scenes. Incarnate angels are the type to help anonymously, or for nothing in return. They are selfless, but often they need to develop better boundaries and confidence.

Their sensitivity should never be misunderstood as weakness. They carry a great strength within them, even if they don’t know how to access it’s full potential yet. They will do what they think is for the best, even if it sometimes hurts. At its worst, this can cause them to stay in relationships that they should leave or distance themselves from. They may spend much of their energy trying to heal people that won’t heal themselves.

They might have felt an attraction to angels, religion, having wings, or having a greater purpose as a child. They may have been called an “old soul” or even “angel” as a child. Within a few hours after my birth, I lifted up my head and looked around. My grandmother told my mom something along the lines of “that’s an old soul”. It was one of the first things ever said about me in this life. If you’re an incarnate angel, you may have experiences like this. There are usually many hints that have been given to you throughout your life, but you may not know what they mean until you awaken.

Angels in a human body may identify as otherkin, or they may not. Otherkin are individuals who believe that they are nonhuman in some way. The belief of being physically nonhuman is generally disowned within the otherkin community. Do note that not all otherkin are spiritual, but many are. Common explanations otherkin have for themselves are past lives, incarnation, and neurodivergency.

Many who identify themselves as incarnate angels are not aware of or do not identify as otherkin, but there are many otherkin who identify as angels in the community. In fact, it was otherkin that made me realize my true self.

Otherkin often report feeling phantom limbs (limbs that are not really there). The phenomenon is most commonly observed in amputees, but it can happen in non-amputees. This is called supernumerary phantom limbs, and it is also a documented scientific phenomenon. I have never experienced this, but I do often get a sensation on my back when thinking about angels, or my own identity as one. It was there when I first discovered otherkin who identified as angels (angelkin), and it’s been happening since. If you are an incarnate angel, you may experience this. It should never be painful. If you experience back pain, then I recommend you visit a doctor.

If you’re an angel, you may start to see angel (repeating) numbers or other signs from angels. 111 or 1111 are common numbers to see during spiritual awakenings, but they are not the only angel numbers. There are also numbers like 222 and 333. Each number has a special meaning. Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings you had right before seeing one. It could be important. If it is, you will likely intuitively know right away.

If this article resonates with you, I encourage you to look within yourself for verification. If you’re reading this, you’re likely reading it for a reason. No one else can truly tell you what you are. You must look deep within yourself and ask yourself how the idea really feels. Is this something you want to be, or something you feel like you are in your core? I recommend journaling about it or meditating on it. You can ask your spirit guides or guardian angels for assistance with this process.

The truth is that awakening can be a long and painful process, because your whole world will change. Awakening also never stops. Many go through a dark night of the soul before fully opening their eyes. You will have to face every belief that is holding you from your potential. Don’t let this discourage you. It is also a beautiful and insightful phase of your life. Not everyone is meant to awaken, but if you are meant to, then it will happen. You will come out of it stronger and more appreciative of the beauty within existence.

#my posts #angel posts #angelkin #incarnate angel #actuallyangelic #divinekin #actuallydivine #alterhuman #otherkin #spirituality

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leradny · 3 years

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headcanons about din's covert and children

the nursery is the safest place in the covert. There's a rotating shift of two official caretakers and other adult mandalorians tend to drop in and help out when they have time.

din is usually recovering from some injury when he's in charge. a silent presence in the nursery which sometimes scares new foundlings until they realize he just allows them to play with each other unhindered. children gravitate toward him with their own hurts and troubles and he listens gravely. always ready to grab something off the high shelf. He is also quick to deescalate fights, stop kids from eating things they shouldn't, or rush to a crying child. children feel Safe with din. He is stable, reliable, and gentle. the other caretakers appreciate him because the kids are generally well behaved around him. but mischievous kids are his Mortal Enemies (case in point din telling grogu "stop touching things" tiredly without even turning his head. Or "HEY! SPIT THAT OUT!")

The armorer teaches them about Mandalorian culture, telling the grand stories of their people. She also assures foundlings that they are as Mandalorian as the children who were born into it. She is creative and spiritual and encourages this in the children, even if it takes a while for them to really understand. the strange ones adore her. she is fond of disabled or neurodivergent children who are doubly insecure or anxious. children often spend hours in the armory talking to her.

"Armorer, I am lonely."

"The forge is a lonely place. Tell me a story, child."

"Armorer, I had a bad dream."

"Tell me of these dreams."

"Armorer, I see things which aren't there, have I gone mad?"

No matter how detailed her work is she listens intently between blows of the hammer. Because of this she often diagnoses and treats mental illness.

paz vizla is a dick to din but to children he's a total big brother. his idea of playing is taking them for jet pack rides, tossing them in the air or letting them swing off his arms and when the other caretakers have heart attacks he's like, "Important Training Exercises Of Our People!" the rowdy ones LOVE paz. If he finds someone up to mischief he'll probably just join in especially if din is on watch. the children who are too shy or young to rough house usually come out of their shell after watching him. kids who like paz best tend to do well in physical training or plain confidence.

Kid: *breaks something*

paz: dont worry kid I'll say i did it

kid: but isnt lying wrong

paz: ah, so you'll confess like an honorable mandalorian?

Kid: NO *hides*

caretaker: paz I can see her under your cloak I know she did it

paz and din HATE the other's respective caretaking styles lol. half their rivalry is due to the fact that whenever they're both on shift din demands a third adult bc paz is really just a giant child who calls him a spoilsport all the time.

the covert wasnt always in the sewers. it used to be above ground, but that one was discovered. once the new covert was set up and the parents had taken their own children din (back then a mysterious newcomer to the covert with no clan) and paz (proud son of the vizla line) had to work together to evacuate the twelve petrified foundlings and orphans who hadn't been adopted yet. it was a success.

(an old saying, perhaps forgotten by the rest of the galaxy: to stop two mandalorians from fighting, put a child between them.)

#the mandalorian #din djarin #paz vizla #the armorer #headcanons

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writingandmore · 3 years

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Hello there! May I please get a Bungou Stray Dogs, Obey Me, Into The Spider-verse, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Monster Prom matchup? I’m an ENFJ-T, Leo, 2w3, demifemale who’s bisexual with male preference. Personality wise, I’m very kind, funny, friendly, intelligent, and honest. It’s easy for me to connect with people from various backgrounds even if they’re different from my background. Not a lot of people can connect with me on an deep level though. However, those that want to really know me, I do stick with them and I’m loyal for life. I can be stubborn though, and at times I’m melodramatic, emotional, critical of others, over sensitive (especially to criticism), and perfectionistic. Sometimes I have a really hard time verbally communicating with people because of my neurodivergent tendencies (adhd and autism) so I often get more frustrated and impatient too. I’m really hard on myself sometimes, a lot more than the average person, and it usually gets worse when people treat me badly due to past childhood trauma. I have anxiety and depression too, but I’m slowly learning to accept my multiple disabilities as a part of me instead of who I am. I’m pretty good with using both my head and my heart when I’m making a decision. You could say I’m an emotional thinker. I also try hard to be more kinder to myself when needed. I take alternative medications, sleep in on occasion, eat my favorite food, and sometimes take a warm bubble bath to really help with self love. I also try to implement healthy boundaries when I want something like occasional solitude or I speak up when someone takes advantage of me. I’m all about self improvement, and I hope I keep progressing along as a better person. 💖

Hobby wise, I’m very much into the traditional and performing arts. I love to draw, paint, dance, cook and bake, play guitar, and sing. Lots of people say I have a powerful and emotional singing voice, and I often bring people to tears from it. I’m also really into researching specific topics on the internet related to my special interests. Put me in a trivia game, and I’ll bet you I can really blow you away with how much I know too! 😉 I love exercising and doing various workouts that include building my strength and increasing flexibility. I especially love yoga, tai chi, and meditation. I love animals, and animals in a sense (mostly cats and dogs) love me since they easily gravitate towards me and let me pet them. Finally I can say I’m a pink, pastel loving, magical girl item collecting enthusiast! I collect tons of cute Sailor Moon merchandise, but use it for practical purposes such as stationary or umbrellas. 💕

I think that’s all I can say about myself. If you decide to do this matchup I’d be really grateful for that. Honestly you sound like such a genuine person and I’m glad I came to your inbox. Have a great day! 😁👍💕💖💞💗

BSD: Atsushi!

- Atsushi would enjoy your kind and friendly nature. He attaches to people who he perceives as kind more quickly than others. It's also great that you can connect with people who have different backgrounds- Atsushi's childhood is certainly not something that most people can claim they've also been through, so your empathy and understanding would mean a lot to him. He's also quite loyal, and very determined, so he would try his best to continue to get to know you even if you're a bit closed off.

OM: Beel!

- Beel is also extremely loyal to those he loves, even when he disproves and is ashamed of their actions, he would never abandon them. Your own loyal tendencies would mean a lot to him, as that's such a big part of what's important to him. He's also patient (unless food is involved) and kind, so he'd be so sweet to you when you're having trouble communicating and would do everything he could to make it easier for you-he'd also rarely ever get upset with you in most situations.

SV: Peter B.!

- Peter also struggled quite a bit with his own bouts of depression and anxiety over his loved ones getting harmed due to him, so he'd be very understanding of your own struggles. You two could get stronger together as you lean on each other for support sometimes! He'd also respect your logical yet still emotional way of thinking as well-sometimes he gets way too into his own head to make rational decisions.

JJBA: Bruno!

- Your attempts at self-care would make Bruno really happy, and he'd love to help you do so if you needed it. Taking care of his partner is one of his favorite things to do, and it honestly relaxes him quite a bit. He'd also be extremely respectful about your personal boundaries-he's mature, and if he was feeling upset about anything, he'd be sure to have an open discussion about it. He'd be perfectly content with the way that you are already if he's your partner, but he'd certainly encourage self-improvement if it isn't because of unhealthy insecurity. He's also quite interested in theater and would be happy to take you with him.

MP: Liam!

- Liam prides himself on his creativity, so a partner like you that wears so many hats would really interest him-though it'd be a bit hard to tell at first. You'd often catch him behind the curtains if you're practicing your singing-it'd be hard for him to stay away from listening to it. Your intelligence, even if it's applied to things like trivia, would attract him as well.

#bsd matchup #atsushi nakajima #obey me matchup #beelzebub obey me #spider-verse matchup #peter b parker #jjba matchup #bruno buccerati #monster prom matchup #liam de lioncourt

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fenmere · 4 years

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What's the difference between being neurotypical, allistic, neurodivergent, and/or autistic?

These are our first attempts at diagrams like this, and they're definitely rough and limited and somewhat inaccurate. They're absolutely not definitive. We're using them to illustrate qualitative differences, not quantitative differences.

So, the first thing to understand is that the way that we categorize traits and symptoms is a culture construct and is always going to have inaccuracies. There will be lots of people who fit the categories, but there will always be a few people who don't.

Also, there's a lot of overlap between different disorders and neurotypes. For instance, PTSD, ADHD, and Schizophrenia can all exhibit and/or cause executive dysfunction. ADHD currently is defined by executive dysfunction. You can't have ADHD and NOT experience executive dysfunction. The same is not necessarily true for PTSD and Schizophrenia.

PTSD, ADHD, and Schizophrenia are neurotypes.

The following explanation of what Autism is is based on what we learned from our evaluating psychologist coupled with a bunch of reading we've done. It is one of the leading theories, and the one we subscribe to because it makes the most sense to us. We write in an authoritative tone about it from here on out because that's just the easiest way for us to impart the information.

Neurotypical is also a neurotype. It's the state of not having any significant disabling traits, and our culture is based on the assumption that it is the norm (it actually probably isn't).

So, someone who develops neurotypically would not develop any of the traits that would result in a diagnosis of a disorder or other neurotype such as PTSD, Schizophrenia, or ADHD.

But someone who is neurodivergent is someone who, for whatever reason, at some point in their life, is pushed to develop traits of a neurological or psychological disability (a set of traits not accommodated by society). This is usually still a fairly stable and predicable path of development, though. Over the course of this person's life, they can expect to deal with the same set of obstacles, changing gradually and logically. IF they are not autistic.

Autism is a state of developmental fibrillation. It is chaos. It is by definition neurodivegent, but there is a distinct difference between allistic (not autistic) neurodivergence and autistic neurodivergence. Unlike ADHD, which is defined by a set of traits that one must have to qualify for a diagnosis, Autism is defined entirely by that state of chaos and not by it's traits. There are NO traits that are exclusively autistic or necessary for autism except the chaotic development itself.

And, autism touches aspects of development that are not neurological. It includes absolutely EVERYTHING about a person, including physical deviations from the norm such as scoliosis. And it's pretty impossible to differentiate between things that cause autism and things that are caused by autism.

This is why autistic people react unpredictably to medications, even at different stages of their life. It's why some of us are non-verbal as children and hyperverbal as adults, and why some of us are hyperverbal as children and non-verbal or talk much less as adults. It's why autistics tend to be queer more often than people who are not.

Most simply described, autism is a state of being where you are simply more likely to exhibit any exceptional trait, symptom, disorder, or even entire other neurotype than anyone who is not autistic.

The one big social effect of being autistic, though, is that allistic people, whether NT or ND, are more likely to react negatively to the sight of an autistic person. The massive number of deviations from the norm that we experience kind of puts us into an uncanny valley for allistic people, even with just still photos (this was shown in a series of studies, but is also born out by our experiences). So something that all autistic people tend to experience is some level of alienation from being treated extra poorly by the majority of people in our lives.

It's something that is adjacent to what allistic neurodivergent people experience, because their behavior tends to put neurotypical people off and causes social rifts and oppression. But it's different because alllistic neurodivergent people even tend to treat autistics this way before we can even move or talk.

And it's in this way that autistic people form a sense of community. We gravitate toward each other, since we don't necessarily trigger that response in other autistics, and we are comfortable around each other, for the most part. We also have a lot of shared experiences with how we are treated as different, even when we have wildly different differences. And we can form bonds more easily with allistic neurodivergent people, because of similar experiences, but in OUR (the Inmara's) experience, allistic neurodivergent people still hold us at arm's length, so we can usually tell when they are not autistic.

And yet, true to chaotic development and having no defining traits, there are autistic people who feel like they have nothing in common with other autistics, and we do all sometimes set off each others' uncanny valley response. Not as much as we do to allistic people, but it still happens.

And, finally, this is how you are either autistic or you're not. Your system can be in a state of chaos, or not in a state of chaos. There is literally no gradient to that.

#autistry #actually autistic #neurodiversity

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shakespeareintellectualbadass · 3 years

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http://andthenshesaid.co.uk/expertsofourownexperience/queer

Feels weird to advertise a blog on a blog, but I'm writing a series called Experts of Our Own Experience around pieces of my personal experience of life - being neurodivergent, dealing with depression and anxiety and an eating disorder, and most recently, being visibly queer for the first time in my life. I've learned more about myself from hearing others talk about their experiences, and I'm a big believer in learning about experiences other than your own, so whether any of these things apply to you or not, maybe you'll find something connective.

If you're interested, check it out, lmk if you have thoughts ✌

I’ve known I’m not straight since I was seventeen.

I went to all-girls school for fourteen years, from age four to eighteen. All my friends were female until I got to college. For most of my youth I was more consumed by the romantic stories my imagination conjured up, and generally those stories starred princes rather than princesses. I never spent any time overanalyzing it because it never felt wrong, to imagine either but focus more on boys.

And yeah, I’m definitely attracted to men. I obsessed over the boys we met at parties in high school like my friends did. I enjoy flirting with and dating men (most of the time…). I have a longstanding, embarrassingly strong celebrity crush on Jensen Ackles (like full blush, swooping in my stomach listening to him sing or when he winks at the camera). I remember one particular boy who my best friend and I fought over for about an hour at a friend’s quinceañera freshman year (that might be the most heated fight we’ve ever had and we’d only met him at that party, which is ridiculous). I also had really intense female friendships I didn’t think anything of. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see how those friendships with girls I liked and admired - the really earnest ones where I’d go out of my way to do things for them and be around them because I just really want her to want to be my friend - were actually crushes. I’m a people pleaser (with people I care about anyway), but I recognize that higher intensity now that I’ve been through more serious relationships. Definitely bisexual.

It clicked in the autumn of senior year, when I fell for one of my friends from school. We spent a few months pining and then dated for about half a year (though we were both dealing with shitty mental health struggles at the time and were overall not very good for each other) and broke up right before I graduated. All our friends knew we were together, as did my family and probably hers and probably quite a few more people than we knew. What can I say, I’ve never been known for my subtlety, especially when romantic interest is involved.

But right now is the first time I’ve been obviously queer. Visibly, aesthetically queer in how I choose to present myself.

I’ve easily passed for straight all my life. I’ve had long hair and lengthened my eyelashes with coats of mascara, worn low cut tops and tall heels and tight jeans. I’ve flirted with men more than women and leaned into my soft, feminine energy more than my assertive, masculine energy.

But I’ve never had to adjust to being bisexual, to accept that about myself. I never worried about what my parents would think. I know I’m enormously lucky because of that. That said, there’s a difference between coming to terms with being bisexual and being comfortable presenting as queer. My parents are both artists; they both went to college for performance (acting for mum, singing for dad) and are wonderfully open minded and raised me with that same open-mindedness. I don’t think I ever actually came out to them. I could tell they knew about my interest in my high school girlfriend, so I just started talking about it, and that was that. My whole extended family is very accepting, and there are other LGBTQ+ members of the family. One of my cousins is trans and bi; we make a lot of jokes about being the gay cousin (“every family has a gay cousin; if yours doesn’t, you’re the gay cousin” “but if I’m the gay cousin, and you’re the gay cousin, who’s flying the plane?”). My dad’s mom and her partner have been affectionately dubbed The Grandmas for my whole life. Grandma Natalie is as much my grandparent as Grandma Gayle, though we’re not related by blood. I don’t know how many members of my family know I’m queer - I’ve never specifically come out to any of them either - but I don’t worry about it. It’ll become obvious at some point, or I’ll drop it in conversation like I do so often now.

It does vary, how out I am - in high school I was comfortable with it in my personal life, but I never considered joining the LGBTQ+ club - and it’s been different when I’m in a relationship. Both my long term boyfriends were queer/on the bisexuality spectrum, but we presented like a heterosexual couple so never had to worry about coming out. While my high school girlfriend and I weren’t subtle, we also weren’t fully out as a couple. Her family was religious and she was worried about their reaction. On top of that, we were both fairly femme, and in Catholic school the general assumption is that everyone is straight. When I got to college, I only dated men. Part of that was residual fear left over from how badly that high school relationship ended. Part of it was I went to a Catholic university (seriously, how did I spend eighteen years in Catholic institutions when I’ve never been Catholic). A lot of it was compulsive heterosexuality - something queer women fall into a lot because our society is set up with men as the be all and end all (“how could anyone not be attracted to men?” “Of course the ultimate happy ending is settling down with a man...”). A lot of it was how much more I was around men. For the first time, there was a lot of choice, which was an exciting prospect. Even when I wasn’t in a serious relationship, I tended to only focus on men as romantic prospects.

Again, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see how much I’ve been and still am guided by that ingrained need for male attention and validation. It’s also easier to pick up men than women - there’s no is she flirting or is she just friendly to deal with – because men and women are socialized so differently that men don’t usually gush and compliment women they’ve just met in the same way that women do. Maybe it’s just easier to assume men are flirting because of the stereotype that men always want to get laid. Maybe it’s scarier to flirt with women. Maybe both. It’s certainly possible that’s my own projection rather than fact. That said, I did once have a two hour conversation with a lady in a shop during which we effusively complimented each other multiple times, and I have no idea if she was flirting with me or if she was just nice. Girls in bar bathrooms consistently hype each other up without ever exchanging names. It’s wonderful, but it does make things a little foggy when one is trying to flirt with a lady.

Anyway - I was talking about being obviously queer for the first time. It’s odd because I’m very comfortable talking about being bisexual. I bring it up in conversation easily. I post about it for pride. I talk about it a lot on my podcast. I’ve been comfortable with it since I recognized it - I have a wonderfully supportive family, and accepting that part of myself came easily. Presenting it to the world aesthetically is different - more personal, more vulnerable. Even writing about it here, thinking of you reading this, I feel more shy than I would were we face to face. While I didn’t spend any time reassessing my personality when I realized I’m bi, I’m just now recognizing that I do have internalized biphobia and compulsive heterosexuality I need to work through. I think the difference right now is about presentation, that I’ve never felt like I looked bisexual. Which is silly, right? As much as we talk about gaydar and queer trends (bisexuals cuff their jeans, etc), both within the LGBTQ+ community and out, you can’t actually tell anyone’s sexual orientation from their appearance. Queer people just tend to be more adventurous with their self-expression, perhaps because they’ve spent time at one point or another repressing who they are. Perhaps there’s just a joy in exploring something different, that makes you stand out. I don’t know - that’s true for me, though I’m only just starting to experiment myself, and I’m sure it’s different for everyone. I certainly don’t know if I would experiment with my style in the same way if I was straight, having never been straight.

My style has slid less feminine during this year of lockdown. Part of it is that I’m rarely going anywhere, and when I am, I’m walking a lot, so sneakers are a must. I exercise a lot more now, so often when I leave the house, it’s for a workout in a park and I’m dressed in leggings and a sweatshirt. I’ve gravitated toward looser trousers for the last year and a half or so; after years of skinny jeans, I’m obsessed with how comfortable they are. Now that it’s winter, I’m more focused on being warm and comfy than being fashionable. Also, I sort of feel like any moment an apocalypse movie is going to start and I need to be dressed to live in the woods. This added up into a vibe more butch than I’m used to, but with my hair longer than it had been in years, I didn’t really notice.

And then I chopped all my hair off. Like actually all off. A full pixie cut, shorter than I’ve ever gone.

Leading up to it, I guessed I was going to want to lean more into feminine fashion again to balance the cropped cut. I like being feminine and I’m in no hurry to give it up. I planned to pull out my comfy knit pencil skirts and my heeled ankle boots. I expected to forget about my new habit of dressing like I live in the woods. That hasn’t really happened. I’ve still been dressing for comfort, and my style choices have gravitated more toward sweater vests and flare trousers. Both Harry Styles and Phoebe Waller-Bridge in the “Golden” music video. The other day I caught sight of myself in a window and needed a moment to recognize myself: the combination of loose jeans, sweatshirt, raincoat, sneakers, and short hair just didn’t feel like the me I remembered. I looked at myself and didn’t see the femme, straight passing person I’ve looked like for most of my adult life. Let me be clear - I am by no means saying that looking obviously queer is a bad thing. It’s new to me, but I’m rediscovering myself. I still saw me - and that’s key, that this haircut has always felt like me - but a different me than I’m used to seeing in the mirror.

I have a lot of affection for this new aesthetically masculine and feminine mix, and the other day, stuck in the house at the beginning of lockdown no.3, I felt the urge to dress up a little. I put on lipstick for the first time since May, pulled out a plunge bodysuit and a pair of one-of-a-kind flare jeans I found in a vintage shop on Brick Lane the other week (looser jeans are a masculine leaning I’m embracing wholeheartedly). I decked out my fingers in rings and pulled out my wire-rimmed blue light glasses (my eyesight is so bad that my actual glasses look like something from the wardrobe of a nerd from a 1980s movie, so I stick with contacts). I snapped this photo, just to see the full effect as I no longer have a full-length mirror, and - bam.

I love how I look. I’m obsessed with my hair, with the bright red lines of the bodysuit (and isn’t me in a bright color shocking enough!). I love the jeans, love that they’re a little too big in the waist and just keep flowing out from there, a feminine line in a masculine fabric. I love the wire rim glasses (even if I do look like my dad in the 80s). I love the muscle I can see in my arms from months of pushups and calisthenics. I love how much space I take up, both physically and just in my presence. I am feminine and masculine. I am impossible to miss. Once, even a year ago, that would’ve been stressful. Now, I feel like shouting from the rooftops. This is me.

It’s gone up on Instagram. It’s my new profile picture on various apps. The only caption has been a peace sign emoji - a joke within the LGBTQ+ community about how bisexual people never know what to do with our hands (“point a camera at a bisexual and see how long it takes them to flash a peace sign or finger guns”). It’s a very different vibe from my last profile photo - almost two years ago I smiled at my friend behind the camera from a flowering yellow bush as I watched my last relationship coming to an end.

I keep coming back to how much it is different. This is a change - not of who I am, but of how I reflect it to the world. Proud and excited as I am, and as much as I want to care only for what I think, the fear of rejection lingers. The fear that my friends’ love isn’t malleable and won’t fit this new me anymore. The yearning for the people I love and admire to be proud of me. And on top of that, I wonder how I am different, how my change in appearance reflects an inner shift. How it necessitates it. I’ve always felt the inner shone through to the outer - now that I’m changing the outer, does that come from a shift I’ve already made or is there one still to make? Do I have to act more queer because I look it? What do I feel I need to prove?

Maybe I’ve spoken so much and so easily about my sexuality because I knew it wasn’t visible. Now it’s far more clear, and I feel both more confident and shy. Who is this woman who wears red and casually takes up space? I know her, have seen her in flashes, but this is the first time she is stepping out so boldly. That’s it: I am bold in a way I haven’t felt before. I know, logically, that I have been (again, I’ve never been known for subtlety), but not so consciously. Not with so much intention behind my choice. Some boldness comes so easily I never think of it, but this - this was like bursting out of water for that first breath of air. Natural, intuitive, but not easy.

All this comes in the middle of a period of great change in my life. I’m moving back to my home country after living in London for almost three years, back to my parents’ house after living alone for a year during this pandemic. I’m reconsidering everything I want to spend the next few years doing, much less the rest of my life. I’m trying to figure out how to fund seeing the world and how to organize running a podcast with guests from everywhere I go. I’m consciously focusing on myself and what I want rather than delaying or sacrificing my goals for anybody else. I’m putting off putting down roots for a bit and relying on the knowledge my family is there to come back to. My future see-saws between the safety of family and the unquestionable boldness of adventure.

There is an apprehension that comes with change, an acknowledgment that I am growing and becoming something new, something that is always myself though I did not know it was there. It is freeing and exhilarating and terrifying, growing. Like jumping off a cliff, I have to squeeze my hands into fists and tighten my core and rely on the knowledge that the water below will catch me, that I will catch me, so that I can enjoy the fleeting moment of flying into something new.

#selfpost #experts of our own experience #and then she said #queer #lgbtq+

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