I finally got around to watching Trick or Treat (2007) and I wished I had watched it sooner. I really enjoyed the movie.

Some spoilers below.

One thing that stuck out to me is that it touched on violence done to neurodivergent kids, often at the hands of their own parents. A group of parents pay a bus driver to murder their disabled children because the parents find them to be a burden. One kid notices that things aren't right and attempts to save the kids but end up driving the bus over a cliff.

Later these kids are allowed to have revenge by confronting the bus driver at his house thirty years later. They weren't just tossed aside for a horrifying story, they got go out for blood.

And I can't forget Rhonda, and autistic girl who was invited out to play with some kids on Halloween only for them to play a cruel prank on her that ends with her getting injured. Later when the kids are truly in danger she is the one that gets on the elevator and leaves them at the mercy of the ghosts of the disabled kids that were murdered in the 70s.

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

Do you ever struggle with being demonized for your quietness? I have, pretty much my whole life. I think it's a huge problem in society, if I'm being honest. I'm tired of acting like my whole child-self was in the wrong for not being able to bring myself to talk in a lot of situations, especially since I didn't get diagnosed and treated for my disorders until I was an adult. To be honest, I think it's society's way of demonizing people with AvPD, non-verbal autism and selective mutism. Thinking people like us are "rude" or "suspicious" for only speaking when spoken to, or having a non-verbal episode where we can't speak at all. I was suspected of being violent or "hiding something". Also I was deemed "weird" and treated like some alien due to other neurodivergencies as well.

People on this website sometimes act like being quiet is also a weakness or result of privilege. My parents were encouraging me and trying to get me to speak all the time, though. No one was saying "you don't have to speak if you don't want to". My father used to get angry with me about it, calling me "weak" and my mother used to guilt-trip me for it, claiming I "never tried hard enough" for her because I couldn't get myself to be neurotypical.

I also grew up in a world of domestic violence. My mother told me the abuse she faced from my father started getting particularly worse when she was pregnant with me. I was a little child born on-edge and having to walk on eggshells. My parents would get into violent fights with each other and my father would hit me, too. Both my parents worked and instead of spending time at home playing or bonding with family like other kids did, I was made to go to headstart when I was only like 2. I know it might seem like not a big deal, but thinking about it, I didn't have the same experiences that average kids do, and I still don't know if whether or not that contributed to my avoidant personality. I didn't even realize most kids don't even start school until they're 4 or 5 until I was much older. People have been getting me out there and encouraging me to socialize with others since the very beginning. It never worked.

I spent my whole life hating myself for it. I felt like I was never competent and that I was a burden on my mother. And there were many times I did try to make connections with others but they ended up either backstabbing me or shaming me for my interests. I regret a lot of the times I allowed myself to be known by others. There are many memories of me simply saying things to people that make me feel awful. Terrible disorder.

I did manage to make and keep some friends. But also I'm still not truly myself with most of them and still afraid they're going to end up demonizing me too if they knew more about me. Being queer and growing up with having kinks has left me with seeing so much family, strangers, and even other queer people say people like me are "freaks" and "degenerates" to my face without knowing they're talking someone who's exactly the kind of person they think should be killed.

I saw a post recently and honestly, it doesn't even apply to me. However, it still managed evoke a lot of negative emotions and memories I am experiencing right now...

So there's this post going around that goes something like "discourse about letting kids not say 'trick or treat' is concerning"(paraphrasing) which was weird to me at first because I've never seen anyone say they allow their kids not to say it. I've always said "trick or trick" during Halloween as a kid, even adding some "meows" because I liked being a cat. So it doesn't even apply to me.

But then there were people acting like not saying it comes from a place of privilege. Someone was like (paraphrasing again)"when I was giving out candy, all the black children were lively and sweet, and all the kids who didn't say it were white and probably middle class".

And that struck me a bit. I'm mixed race. People treated me like a potential violent threat because of my quiet nature, which was a result from trauma, not anyone "babying" me. I was always working class. My parents didn't even own a car. We used public transportation to get everywhere.

BIPOC kids who are quiet get treated as threats! Of course you fucking enjoy lively black kids. If one of them was quiet, you might demonize them...

Then there were people saying "you people just need to grow up."

It's so strange that traits that apply to non-verbal autism or CPTSD get deemed as "social anxiety", because tumblr thinks that is the lesser disorder.

I don't know. I got a lot of bad memories spring up from seeing that post, and I just wanted to vent about it here. So many people demonized me for being quiet growing up and it made me believe I was a monster for so long.

I'm not even saying I encourage the behavior of refusing to talk to people. I had a nice conversation with an old woman at Dunkin yesterday. I enjoy small talk and listening to others talk, even when I can't add much to the conversation. I just worry about other children who are like how I was growing up, being traumatized and quiet and being treated like shit for it... I don't trust anyone sees "quiet" as "rude"

I'm sorry about the length and I hope you're doing well.

anon, I'm sorry this took me so long to post. I just want to say that your ask really resonated with me and I've thought about it several times since receiving it. I get similarly frustrated when I see priveleged people praising marginalized for being more friendly, more whatever, for similar reasons. Or setting up an oppression competition between two groups they're not even a part of.

my experiences with transphobia.

this will probably make me look a bit unlikeable because its going to ammount to "not that many tbh i was insanely priviledged", i am very well aware of the struggle that my community goes through every day all over the world, specially in the last few years where republicans and terfs and conservatives in general have seemed to drive themselves into mouth foaming frenzy out of disgust, and where intra community fighting seems to get more bitter every day.

but i do want to share my experience all the same and hopefully this will help give some hope in the current bleak state of affairs that not everything about being trans is constant suffering all the time.

winding back the clock all the way to me being a kid, i was very much bullied, from kindergarden to high school. my experience in the education system was twelve solid years of being called names, being pushed around, being ostracised, being made fun of and being excluded. i had people trick me into accepting food the offered and then telling me they had spit on it before (my response to that was to keep eating it all the same and made sure to enjoy it in front of them). ive had people beat the shit out of me, and i had people point at me on the hallways and laugh every time i would walk across them.

none of this was over any gender stuff, mind you, but because i was just "the weird kid" i was very openly nerdy and neurodivergent, i had been raised by cartoon shows and i would insist on behaving as a cartoon character irl. also because i was not very social, i was awkward and because i tended to keep to myself.

besides that i lived in a small town with no nerdy scene at all, my family (especially on my dad's side) just plain didnt get me. noone seemed to share or understand my hobbies and my dad would constantly critcize me for the way i behaved, the way i dressed, the way i talked, etc.

out of all this my response was to say "no, its the children who are wrong". i resolved from a very young age to just be myself and if that made me an outsider and a weirdo and an outcast then whatever. if some came to make fun of me or criticise me for just being me then they were in the wrong and their opinion was automatically discarded. i was not going to compromise myself for the sake of others. i never really developed a sense of shame over being who i was.

this of course was in part a bit of a trauma response which ended up with me having the maladaptive trait of being too self centered and too inconsiderate of other people's needs, i had a really bad tendency to see any criticism, no matter how valid, as an attack to be ignored, to this day i still have trouble measuring myself and noticing when im hurting others, i still have a hard time prioritizing other people's needs over my own.

but, tragicomically enough, this attitude proved to be actually rather useful for when i transitioned. i am more or less impervious to weird comments or outsiders eyes. as soon as i came out of the closet i was going out in full drag like, literally three days after. i was walking outside, going to the corner store, doing groceries, running errands and stuff ouside in the street with fake boobs and my face caked in make up i still didnt fully know how to properly apply. i had a bunch of kids yell faggot at me and my only thought was that those little shits should get taught some manners.

it also helped me brush off really unpleasant comments from a close friend with regards to my transition, like her saying she was sure i was going to end up detransitioning or that everyone thought i looked like a fake caricature of a woman. my first reaction to those comments was "she is just saying that to hurt me, opinion automatically discarded". it helped me stand uo to my dad who outright refused to call me by my pronouns or treat me like a girl so i just immediatly stopped talking to him or visisting him until he changed his mind. it took a year but he eventually did and now things are great between us.

but that is only half of the story. im telling you all this because it sounds cool and because im genuenly proud of it but the truth is also that, i just didnt have to put up with a lot of hardship in my life in general, i grew up in a nice house with a loving caring mo and step dad, i went to college, i lived a lower middle class lifestyle generally. once i got out of high school i managed to get some actual friends. and i live in a more or less stable country.

all of my friends and immediate family were instantly cool about my transition. my uncles, my grandma, my cousins, my mom, my sister, my step dad. i was immediatly accepted with an "ok, cool, you are mandy now". all of my friends immediatly accepted me with open arms as well. if there were ever any weird social games about "being excluded from girl spaces" or people treating me different or whatever im probably too socially oblivious to notice them.

on top of that i live in a genuenly very trans friendly country, in a seemingly trans friendly city. so generally goberment institutions, health care institutions, private bussineses, the companies i worked for, they all went out of their way to use my prefered pronouns and name, even before i changed my documentation to reflect this.

i dont think i ever was scared to come out of my house or walk down the streets of my city, even at night. and let me tell you, there are times where the sun hits the wrong way or i forgot to shave or all my clothes were dirty and i had to essentially boy mode, and none of that deterred me from going outside and doing my bussines without even sparing a second thought to what strangers on the street might think. other people on the street are just non-entities for me, they might as well be painted on the walls, i just cannot bring my self to care about what they might think.

i keep thinking back to that scc article about people living in different circles that seem to either automatically insulate them from or automatically draw them to abuse from others.

people are generally nice and normal and reasonable around me and i dont know if this is because i have an "anti-transphobia" field or i am just incredibly innatentive, where its happening all the time and i just dont notice it, but it has certainly made my life easier.

Agreed on ava’s vibes

not my main hc for her (tho honestly my main hc for her is just that regardless of gender identity she likes called beatrice’s boyfriend/girlfriend/husband, etc, as long as she’s being called beatrice’s, and she’s well, nonbinary, no other notes beyond that)

but i love hcing ava as a transmasc woman, simply because transmasc women & transfemme men are such underrated genders

and fuck, now i’m getting teary eyed over the thought of beattice getting to just getting to be and experience gender euphoria and/or contentment

beatrice handing out treats on halloween for the trick or treaters, some kid being like “thanks uh-“ and struggling as they try to guess how they’re supposed to gender bea

“thanks ma’am-sir? miss? mister?” beatrice impulsively shrugging for ? reason, the kid taking it as some sort of cue and finally settling on “thanks mister!” or “thanks mister-miss!” and beatrice can’t stop smiling for the rest of the night

also same hat on the autistic bit, will be sure to check out that fic soon, and also please do elaborate on the autistic beatrice thoughts 👀

i love how autistic vibes beatrice is, not just in the show but in many stuff by the fandom as well, my fav fics are the ones where the autistic beatrice vibes are ^1000

Also yeah, lilith is so nd, love how her story can be so easily read as a metaphor for autism

like lilith’s line about her mother “being unable to accept the reality of the woman in front of her”, sounds an awful lot like a convo between an autistic child & their ableist parent

lilith being successful but being rejected bc she isn’t fitting this unobtainable ideal (being the warrior nun/being neurotypical) that she’s literally died for

seeing & experiencing the world differently (being nd/lilith’s wraith vision), being obviously different from others (being nd/lilith being a demon), desperately trying and failing to repress those differences

but then accepting them making you better than ever (no longer trying to be neurotypical/lilith accepting the demon stuff)

and then aside from the obvious ways lilith’s arc can be read as an allegory, lilith’s whole 🧍‍♀️(menacingly) energy she has so often in the show

like girl obviously has absolutely no idea what to do with herself when she’s not being a menace and it shows

also i saw her dragging her nails and doing yhe nail clack thing on the walls of arc tech and then her noticing what she’s doing and being like 😧 as her subconsciously stimming and it bothering her because she’s used to, supposed to repress those behaviors, but then ever since she came back from the dead, she can’t do the repression anymore, in more ways/aspects than one, and stuff like her stimming & neurodivergency is one of em

like yeah ik she was 😧 about the demon claws ig, but no reason it can’t be both

i am kind of drawn to the idea that Ava expresses her gender in relation to things/people. like yes, absolutely - she is with Beatrice in any (every) capacity.

but also that she approaches gender as something nebulous and shifting and as complicated as dressing sometimes in really feminine clothes because for so long she basically wore a hospital gown so dressing up and having that experience of getting dressed up as a teenager, the weird giddiness of girls sharing their clothes and their accessories and going ‘ah shit, this does look better on you’ - *strips the shirt off and flings it across the room unceremoniously* & also sometimes Ava dressing in a shirt and a suit jacket and looking masc and handsome & really just existing as herself, orbiting gender elipitically so sometimes she’s closer or further away or curving dramatically thru space.

picking the male avatar in video games bc she likes the animation better. being just really drawn to long-haired Link in Breath of the Wild. like yeah, Ava’s relation to gender as ‘idk?’ but in a typically Ava way which is also somehow effortlessly compelling & honest & true. 

tearing up at the image of Bea giving out halloween candy with Ava next to her going ‘make them sing a song’ but Beatrice just giving way too much to each person & complimenting their costumes and taking whatever form of address comes her way which - yes - varies wildly bc she’s rocking short hair & half the time comes to the door with the hood of her hoodie pulled up (by Ava, who is doing ‘hood surprise attacks’ in the spirit of halloween). the peacefulness of that image & gender as peaceful…

gender + autism being so good and Beatrice getting to escape from the rigours of social gendered-ness & just exist without being pressed into these various contortions of gender. something about authenticity and being as an act of radical self-love. also defiance. 

oh yeah i def think that Lilith’s whole story is very neurodivergent-coded. it might be another ‘casper can’t write neurotypical’ but my ligaments Lilith is veeeery neurodivergent. doesn’t like touch as a general rule but likes it very much from specific people. the way she is just in general echoing so many autistic experiences.

the way that she occupies space inconsistently and uneasily. the very visible ‘signs of otherness’ in her demonic wings and the scales and i guess i’m thinking about masking and her inability to mask. she is consistently outside looking in, relegated to the borderlands of the narrative.

how i think in s1 she is so wonderfully alternating between this playfulness (lounging on the car outside the orphanage, her laughter when she and Mary are beating each other to hell, the way she interacts with Ava - 'it's a stick') and then her absolute intensity at other times. how revealing that is of the fact that there is a Lilith stacked underneath the mask-version she has so carefully construed to help her and keep her safe. what i am raised to be vs who i am.

how soft she is and how caring with those she loves, & i think how the narrative itself misunderstands her (deliberately) and how we gradually see that NOTHING she does is really selfish, but that she’s let down - so often - by those who are supposed to be her family, and because she masks so well her needs aren’t appreciated. i think ppl take care of Beatrice and Camila and they don’t take care of her in the same way. she ends up alone and isolated. she is tricked by people, used by people (Jillian, Adriel, Duretti)

this is a mess of thoughts but just how she is constructed, and how much it speaks to being an ill-fitting thing. not fully belonging in a world built for others and around their needs. how she clings to the first person to acknowledge her difference “you are something entirely new”. & her energy of i think very badly wanting to reach out and be SEEN but not knowing how, being overshadowed and forgotten and discarded.

how i think in a way she saw Beatrice as the Mary to her Shannon, what it must have been like to see that fall apart in front of her, to watch Beatrice go with Ava after the Vatican. to be finally divested of every hope she had for her life. 

& i am always every day feral about Lilith’s background. i am always tempted to hc her as an only child - last scion of my house & so on - but also thinking that from the very beginning she is not living up to expectations. i do hc her as having some learning disabilities growing up, & her mother making her suffer for it, terribly. the convo they have sounds like an old wound being picked open.

Lilith growing up with not one person in her life ever believing in her, being sent to the slaughterhouse anyway. the expendable one - the one we shall not allow to have children. Lilith with cousins who share her name but not her fate. so she makes everything about the halo. trying to fit into this box (coffin) that has been built for her since birth. dying for it, and even that is not enough. 

i really wish we could have seen Lilith grow to love and accept who she is. like yes, the fact that she is framed as liminal by the narrative, caught between two worlds, two sides of a conflict.

she is neither/or. her scales are spectres of inner difference, but they are also beautiful. Lilith learning that what she sees and feels and what she is - they’re all different but not bad or worse. Lilith using her demon sight to help the OCS. learning that she doesn’t need to be the halo-bearer (but also that she doesn’t need to be valuable. she just needs to exist).

Lilith being permitted to take up space and time and energy, instead of folding herself away to nothing. the teleportion as a metaphor for self-erasure, for masking and making oneself still and silent.

writing Lilith as neurodivergent (probably autistic +) is really beautiful because it opens up all of these possibilities for exploring what is gorgeous about neurodivergent existence, and what it means to unmask after YEARS of suffocating inside of a body that was controlled by the expectations of others. & let’s not forget that when you start stimming after not being allowed to for your entire life it DOES feel scary and it does make you uncomfortable because it sets off alarm bells and there are a million instances of people saying ‘stop it that’s annoying’ or ‘what is wrong with you’ & Lilith’s initial horror being THAT, too, but how eventually it will be okay and good and easy. 

i just LOVE Lilith to pieces bc her whole story just aches but it’s also this incredibly difficult and worthwhile journey towards self-acceptance. & when you start to see HER slip through the cracks of the walls she’s put between herself and all of the things that have the potential to hurt her it’s just searingly beautiful and SHE is searingly beautiful and neurodivergence is poetic and fantastic and good.

anyway tysm for these thoughts. i rlly appreciate them.

I might do the 2017 version if I’m desperate. But I’m going to the 2021 version next.

This one’s only an hour, which I knew from my earlier mishap. This one is a lot quieter. The opening animation is pretty good.

I just carried everything I needed with me in high school and most of middle school. The only reason I didn’t one year was because they forced us to use our lockers.

Because you missing is the worst part.

Fregley is totally queer coded.

Susan is better in the older live action movies. Yes for milf factors.

Greg is not a good friend.

I do kind of like Rodricks voice actor. Oh my god he’s my age!

The cheese touch shit is still weird.

Rodrick is kind of an asshole but more nice in a weird way then the movie.

I think Rowleys neurodivergency is shown more in this one.

Joshie feels like a combination of Justin Biebers looks and the weird purity culture shit of the Jonas Brothers.

I just realised the not like other girls girl from the first movie just disappeared. Wonder if she’ll show up here and then disappear again.

I think middle schoolers are more interest in how hot you are. And of course things like social media and hair count I guess. But you’re starting to become romantically and sexually interested in other people.

I sat outside and then sat in the art room at lunch. Where the cool kids were.

I need more stories where it’s all in the kids head and no one cares about this shit. Sure you have bullies and the like but no one cares or will hear if you want to play.

I tricker or treated until my last year of high school. Right before Covid.

Rodrick is going to a high school party? Oh he’s definitely going to get drunk.

I also never had anyone say I was too old to trick or treat. Has anyone ever had that said to them.

The goat man? That’s so stupid.

Seriously this movie needs more Rodrick.

Mannys “Busted” was so cute!!

I was only ever in one club in middle school and then nothing. And I did perfectly fine.

I feel like Greg is a little nicer in this one. Like he’s still an asshole but less of an asshole.

I think Greg was listening to his inner voice. His inner voice was just not nice.

Wait so Zoo Wee Mama was made by Greg in this one? It was Rowleys invention in both the book and the original movie. Why did they change that? It makes Rowley look like kind of a dick. Okay the whole comic section thing is bad in this. Like this is a genuine slight against Greg, Greg has a reason to be upset here.

Was Greg just too mean in the original for them so they had to make him nicer in this one? He’s too sanitary for me. Not enough of a dick.

Also Fregley has a cool ass house. I would love to have an old creepy house.

The voice actors are really good in this. The main ones sound like the original actors.

This weird scene with Fregley and Greg feels like it would have had an sa scene if it weren’t for this being a kids movie.

Just say you’re going to kick their ass.

Why were their three blanks before the cheese part?

I mean technically if he ate the cheese he wouldn’t have touched it.

I mean the original is iconic but this one was a decent remake/adaptation. Though I miss when they would have cool stuff through out the credits. Tomorrow is the last Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie I’m watching. For now at least.

Okay, so like, I know this isn't an especially new or revolutionary take by any means, but Amphibia's biggest strength as a show absolutely lies in it's character writing

Like every character is so FLAWED (in particular the 3 human leads) but so sympathetic, and none of them ever remain stagnant throughout the two seasons so far and it makes the characterisation feel so natural. And obviously when you have a fantasy show like Amphibia it's especially important that the characters feel realistic and relatable, because how else do you get an audience to cry over an orphaned frog child.

Tbh I could write so much about Anne and the Plantars or Sasha, but today I want to talk about Marcy for a bit because what can I say, I'm a neurodivergent teen, of course I love her.

Marcy is truly such an incredibly well-written character, in particular because her major character flaws basically exist to deconstruct the show itself.

(I'm sure this has probably also been talked about somewhere before, but honestly I just really like Marcy and feel like ranting about her lol.)

So the whole point of Isekai-like shows such as Amphibia is that they provide the perfect escapism, right? Consequently, we the audience are positioned to view the show in the same way that Marcy views Amphibia - as this sort of DND fantasy world where she can escape reality, something that is reinforced several times throughout the show but really comes to a head in True Colours. As a result, it essentially ends up forcing us the audience into questioning how we view the show.

And Marcy's betrayal/reveal scene in True Colours is such an amazing (but heartbreaking) moment, because it truly highlights how disconnected from reality she is. Like that line she has "I gave you this! I gave you everything!" is genuinely chilling.

Then this is all sort of culminates when Marcy gets...impaled. Even though it's been memed to death (haha) I think this scene is actually really important for Marcy's narrative as a character AND for the audience. Firstly, even the fact that they were bold enough to stab a child through the chest COMPLETELY recontextualises how we seen the entire show and I for one think that is so cool!!!

But it also provides Marcy with the realisation that Amphibia isn't her perfect fantasy world, and that she can't run from reality in this way.

I think a tonal shift like they did in True Colours was honestly kind of a risky move, but imo it absolutely paid off. This whole time the audience have been tricked into seeing Amphibia as a sometimes creepy but ultimately harmless escapist fantasy world, essentially just the way Marcy sees it. However, the seriousness with which the events of True Colours are treated is? Kind of insane? Like this episode really pulled NO punches.

Another thing which I think Amphibia is very good at, which is prevalent throughout all of True Colours as well, is the subversion of expectations. The obvious one is Marcy's unexpected impaling after Sprig already had a near death experience that was treated very seriously, but generally the implication that the show is asking the audience to question how we view it is kind of subverty as well, and definitely not something I expected from this show.

Idk if this even made any sense oops. I just love how reality setting in for Marcy (through her impalement) is around the same moment reality sets in for the audience, as we question where we thought this show would go, tonally speaking (unless you count Sasha being willing to fall to her death in Reunion, which I feel like is kind of glossed over like hello???)

Anyway

This is slightly more irrelevant but I also can't stop thinking about that one line Marcy has about the species based caste system in Amphibia, which is honestly a through-line that I hope they end up doing something with. Cause I gotta say I LOVE class metaphors in kids cartoons when they're done right.

Wanna check out my work?

NASA Spaceflight Headcanons

Being like a daughter to the NASA Astronauts

Getting Sick at Mission Control

Being Friends with the Shuttle Crews

Being Friends with the Apollo 13 Crew

Being the Youngest at NASA

Being the Only Theatre Kid at NASA

Being the Youngest Person in Mission Control

Spending Your Birthday at NASA

NASA Birthday Headcanons

Having Neurodivergence at NASA

Geology Field Trip Headcanons

The Astronaut Wives Being Protective Over You

Being the Youngest Astronaut

Getting Hurt While at NASA (tw)

Having Supernatural Powers at NASA

Being Like a Daughter to Mission Control

Being In Charge of Astronaut Training

Being Friends with the ISS Crews

Being Protective of the Astronauts

Being Friends with the Apollo 11 Crew

Getting Hurt While in Mission Control

Being Friends with John Young

Saving the Shuttle Crews From Certain Death

Being Friends with the Apollo 16 Crew

Saving the Apollo 1 Crew

Getting Stuck On One of the NASA Missions

Getting Stuck On a Shuttle or Rocket

Being Like a Daughter to Neil Armstrong

Being Like a Daughter to Gus Grissom

Spending Valentine's Day at NASA

Almost Dying While Training at NASA

Getting Stuck On a NASA Shuttle

Attending a Military Ball

Being Friends with the Apollo 1 Astronauts

Being Friends with the Apollo 15 Crew

Being Friends with the Apollo 14 Crew

Spending Time with the Apollo 9 Crew

Hanging Out with the Apollo 14 Crew

Hanging Out with Dave Scott

Dragging the Astronauts to see your theatrical show

Hanging Out with Alan Shepard

Having Sensory Overload at NASA

Astronaut Reactions to Their Nicknames

Getting Really Sick at NASA

Having Sensory Overload During Gemini 8

NASA Astronauts Being Protective Over You

Hanging Out With Christa and Judy

Hanging Out with the Apollo 8 Crew

Hanging Out with the Apollo 7 Crew

Hanging Out with John Glenn

Hanging Out with Deke Slayton and Gus Grissom

Hanging Out with John Young and Charlie Duke

Hanging Out with Ed White and Jim McDivitt

Hanging Out with Jim Lovell and Frank Borman

Hanging Out with All the Navy Astronauts

Hanging Out with All the Air Force Astronauts

Hanging Out with All the Marine Astronauts

Hanging Out with Gus Grissom and John Young

Hanging Out with John Young and Bob Crippen

The NASA Astronauts Catch You Singing

The NASA Astronauts Want You to Sing The National Anthem

Hanging Out with Jim Lovell and Fred Haise

Hanging Out with John and Annie Glenn

Han ging Out with Wally Schirra

Hanging Out with Jack Swigert

Nearly Dying On A NASA Mission

Hanging Out with Rusty Schweickart

Hanging Out with Frank Borman

Hanging Out with Ed White

Hanging Out with Roger Chaffee

Getting Sick and the Astronauts Taking Care of You

Having Intrusive Thoughts and the Astronauts Helping You

Showing the Astronauts Your Stuffies Collection

Giving the Astronauts a Backstage Tour of Your Show

The Astronauts Worrying About You After an Emotional Breakdown

The Astronauts Are Supportive Of You Being a Theatre Kid

Showing the Astronauts That You Can Paint Pictures

Going to the Air & Space Museum with the Apollo 11 Crew

Hanging Out with Jim Lovell and Buzz Aldrin

Hanging Out with Buzz Aldrin

Being Like a Daughter to Frank Borman

The Astronauts Find Out You Have Allergies

The Astronauts Being Supportive Mom and Dad Figures

Going to Baseball Games with the Astronauts

Hanging Out with Jack Swigert

NASA Astronauts Watching Top Gun

Trick Or Treating with the NASA Astronauts

The NASA Astronauts Wanting to Adopt You

The NASA Astronauts Find Out You Have Allergies

I think the problem with adhd is always feeling like I'm cursed to either be perceived as super intelligent or dumber than a brick. I'd love to be neither particularly witty nor dimwitted but that's never going to happen if I'm realistic.

The biggest cause being how people interpret intelligence. They see big cognitive leaps as a sign of someone who ~understands things better~ and forgetting words as something only stupid people do. Regardless of the idea of stupidity being ridiculous and unquantifiable on top of being ableist as a concept (do you respect jocks autonomy more if they can lift a lot of weights? No. Why do that with smart autistic kids that have idk synesthesia and can list a lot of prime numbers?) neither of these things has to do with my brain or how I think. I'm smart because I've made an effort to learn lots of things to combat the abuses I faced as a "stupid" kid in elementary school. But no one ever figured out I didn't know things by the things I didn't actually know it was always about lacking confidence and appearing out of place. The second I learned some public speaking skills is the second I got taken seriously.

And that's often how neurodivergent people don't tend to get taken in by these tactics that people who are, idk, celebrities or politicians. "Intelligence," as nts interpret it anyway, is merely a set of tricks to dupe people into not treating someone as subhuman. It's depressing that in order to see someone as a person neurotypicals need to see a set of superficial qualities that don't relate at all the thing they're discriminating against.

I'm watching the Quinton Reviews' iBinged iCarly videos again - yes, again, these shits the bop - and I'm hitting the part where he's talking about Mandy Valdez, and, well, I've kind of found myself thinking about a theoretical episode where she returns in the new series.

So, for those who don't remember her, Mandy Valdez was this kind of embarrassing character that first appeared in season 1 and last appeared in season 2.

She's portrayed as mildly 'antagonistic' - in the sense that here existing and being friend-like wasn't ideal for Carly, Sam, and Freddie - and as being this annoying kid/teenager with multiple 'interests' and 'obsessions'. She's also shown to be pretty blind to social situations, to the point of not realizing Carly and Sam's obvious discomfort with her and her duck impressions - which make up, like, a third of her character traits.

All of the episodes she shows up, she's there to be a pain in Carly, Sam, and Freddie's necks, pull something off that means they have to be nice to her for as long as it takes for them to get out of it, and then get treated poorly the second that happens.

As QR notes, and as my description has possibly led you to conclude yourself, she very much comes off as neurodivergent when you look back at her without the lens of 'oh noes, she's in the way of the iCarly cast!'.

Explanation out of the way, here's what I'm hoping for -

I want Mandy to come back, and for Carly, Freddie, and Spencer to be expecting her to be back to her old tricks, falling into that trap that so many people do where they don't interact with someone for years and years and expect them to be the same as they last met them.

Then I want one of two things to happen:

Either Mandy confronts them about how they treated her, "Yeah, no - I got diagnosed as autistic a few years after we last met, and I mentioned to a friend of mine around that time that I was on you guy's show, and they watched it with me and they said you guys looked really uncomfortable. Then we read the comments on those episodes, and, well, they kind of hurt a lot. Then I explained to them some of the 'misadventures' we went on, and they kindly explained how cunt-ish you all were to me. You guys were proper ableists back then."

From there, I don't really know where to go. Maybe Carly trying to make it up to an ultimately apathetic Mandy, who's done with the situation, and Mandy just being, like, "Just, fucking, go and use the episodes I was in as an example for how you shouldn't act or something. But, seriously, fuck you guys I don't want on your stupid show so I can be your dancing monkey anymore. Fuck you." Queue PSA moment?

;or,

Millie's watching through the archives - cause there are archives here, if there weren't any being mentioned - and comes across the first Mandy episode, she watches it and tracks down the others. She brings it up to Freddie, maybe Carly at the same time, and they're, obviously, defensive about it. Then she has them watch it - maybe just play some audio from the episode while they're looking at a Pear Pad or some shit. [Insert realization of how those episodes come off in modern times here].

From there... I'd probably go the same route as above, except they invite Mandy on the show to apologize, do an apology that comes off as being pretty... wooden, and then Mandy does the rant above before walking out at the end of the whole "I don't want to be your dancing monkey, fuck you." bit. Then have Carly have to sound really, genuinely sorry as she has to face the fact that there's some shit you can't just take back?

This was meant to be me venting, but accidentally became a history of my relationship with religion instead.

Alright. So.

Came here to talk about religion because I have no outlet. If you don't want to hear it, just block me. I'm not trying to convert anyone, I'm just explaining things to see if anyone has a feckin name for my damn belief system, because I really want to avoid accidentally starting a religion or something and pissing everyone off more.

People who got pissy last time got on my ass about how I probably wasn't even ethnically jewish, so here's the whole story.

I was raised by a mother who was raised by a non-practicing jewish mother, both of whom converted to christianity in the late nineties, shortly before I was born. They're ethnically jewish, or so I'm told.

Not super related, but, in case it comes up later, I was raised with the belief that my mother's family is a long line of very careful psychics, which roughly means "a lot of the family is sensitive to spirit shit but avoids it like the plague because it's scary."

I was raised by a father who is, as far as I know, not ethnically jewish. He's of mixed asian heritage, so i guess maybe, but I'm going to assume he's not. His parents, however, were both religiously Jewish; my grandmother was adopted and raised Jewish, and my grandfather converted sometime between meeting and marrying my grandmother. They are reform. My father wasn't the most religious guy in the world, but, if you asked, he'd probably either make a joke about ohio state football or say that he was jewish.

I was raised by my father and mother together until I was seven. We didn't always consistently go to church in early childhood, but my mother did take me to two or three for months or years at a time during the 2-5 period. We celebrated christmas and easter, and i had an illustrated children's bible that, if I remember right, was split into two parts: the first was marketed to christian and jewish kids, and the latter- new testament- to christian kids. Guessing the marketing from the publishing organizations. I think I had a few other religious books and videotapes directed towards kids, both jewish and christian. I specifically remember one that illustrated mana as vanilla wafers for some reason. At seven, my parents divorced, and I primarily lived with my dad.

My dad didn't take me anywhere on the regular, but when I visited his parents for the full weekend, they'd take me to the synagogue. This was every couple of weeks. We celebrated major jewish holidays, but smaller festivals only really got a mention. When I was ten, my dad and stepmother married. She wasn't really religious, but her parents were christian, so christmas was back on our roster then, too.

I started going to hebrew school in 6th grade, but I didn't actually have a bar mitzvah because I ended up getting kicked out at around the time I turned 13 due to a whole thing about me going trick or treating when I was "too old" or whatever, shitty parents, so I ended up having to go live with my mom after that.

At this point, my mom was studying to become a youth pastor, and enrolled me into a local christian school with about a hundred students. Unfortunately, this ended up being a weird fundamentalist cult with its own textbooks and teachings, including that bacteria was not real, AIDS was a summoned by The Gays™ to kill all the christians, evolution was a conspiracy meant to dissuade people from religion, et cetera. It was fucking bizarre, at one point they called several of us posessed for being autistic and otherwise neurodivergent, and they categorized us students into the groups wise, fools, simple, and scorners. (I was a fool, by the way.) It was really not ideal, and the weird punishments were pretty traumatic. There was some weird brainwashy type word repetition involved with lookatthepersonsayokayanddothetask over and over and over, and it sucked.

So, I was at that school for about 18 months before they kicked me out for refusing to stand on one foot for an extended period of time after tapping my foot in class which caused a student who disliked me to complain.

At the same time, my mother was working at a small church out of town that wasn't exactly a cult, but I think the pastor kind of wanted it to be? It was like he wanted the cult aesthetic™ and devoted followers and shit, but only had the skill to make a really sketchy and toxic small town church with a lot of people sitting on blankets on the floor instead. That church honestly wasn't a big part of my life the way the fucked cult was, I just sort of went most weeks. I went to a confirmation class there- I'm pretty sure it was a methodist church- and got confirmed into it shortly before my mother left because the administration was weird in like an asshole way, and that was the last I knew of it.

I was homeschooled for a while during the end of this period due to all of the school stuff. Religiously, by this point in my life, I'd developed some of my own beliefs. I believed in most of the new testament and most of the torah, but I didn't have much exposure to the talmud or much of a comprehensive education in any religion. I think I read a bible cover to cover at least once as a kid, including some shitty commentary (it was a preteen bible) that gave me some internalized homophobia issues for actual years. I was also super curious about the paranormal but terrified of possession- remember the cult?- and I was curious about the idea of some people being reincarnated if they were needed on earth again. Not sure where exactly that idea came from, but it was there. People told me from a lot of sides that those with the wrong religion would go to hell, and the cult tried to teach us all to convert people at any opportunity, but, after leaving, the whole situation just made me massively uncomfortable. I did continue to practice the jewish traditions I knew how to do on my own- like hannukah and a weird private sort of passover- and my mother would support this by getting me what I needed for it, even though she didn't participate and I didn't go to any place of worship during holidays.

After getting kicked out of school not that long after adjusting to not seeing my dad or siblings on his side, we moved. My dad lost custody at some point and we no longer had to live close, so we moved and tried to find a better school. It was a Catholic grade school this time, and I was there for about six months, if I had to guess. It was actually a pretty good school, but I had some issues at the time, so I didn't enjoy it much. I was scared of teachers and administration by then, and I had trouble going the entire school day without panicking or not being able to work. There was a period of a week or two in which I didn't speak at school at all. We ended up settling on half days, and, after that, I did well.

The religion class was awkward. The other kids seemed to know more than me even though I'd thought I had a good grasp on religion at that point, and the little information we shared I'd been taught from a very different perspective. Everyone was very nice to me, but I definitely stood out as the kid who wasn't catholic at that point.

Chapel was even weirder. We had to go every wednesday during school, and catholic churches had so many traditions I didn't know about, and the stuff I knew about from either my jewish grandparents or protestant churches had a different name for some reason.

I'm looking at you, sacraments.

Anyway.

I don't think I got much out of the chapel, but religion classes were kind of cool. I liked learning about stuff I hadn't heard before, and the things that were the same were a comfort.

Soon, though, I was graduating eighth grade. I ended up going to a catholic high school. I was still out of place, but I at least had a basic idea of what to do during the mass this school had monthly.

I liked the religion classes here more, how they were an open discussion of everyone's opinions and experiences, and I liked that both of the most recent schools I'd gone to had actual textbooks with facts and studies in them. There were more kids there who weren't catholic, and I felt more comfortable to actually explore religious topics with people. I had a better understanding of catholic beliefs, a decent idea of their traditions, and could recognize at least a few of their holidays I couldn't have before.

I spent my last year of high school at a public career center to start working towards a medical career.

Now, my current beliefs. If you don't want to read it, then just don't.

I haven't been to any place of worship since my school required it, but I do have strong beliefs. I believe in one God (which I generally write all the way out after a billion essays for religion class) who created everything and watches over humans, which he made in his image, etc etc etc. I believe the old stories from the tanakh/old testament/don't care what you call it and the new- yes, including the key messiah bit- though I do think it wasn't all translated perfectly and that it was written by humans who made mistakes and poor decisions sometimes in their writing. I believe people's salvation comes through their intention, not through a piece of knowledge or a creed or good deeds or a tradition, and I believe different people worshipping in different ways is how it should be, because different people NEED different styles of worship. I believe that if someone is genuinely mistaken and incorrect in who or what they believe in, it doesn't MATTER because it's the intention to strive to do good and not harm fellow people that counts. I'm a little guarded about sharing my own beliefs, hence why I made an anonymous tumblr account, but I'm generally very curious to hear about what other people believe. I find that, for me, celebrating Jewish holidays and traditions helps me get closer to God, and I'd like to find a place of worship one day, but churches fucking terrify me now. I worship best by sitting and discussing beliefs, but I have no place to do it now that I've graduated school. I also developed some of my less related beliefs now: I believe in a lot of old stories that have popped up around the world, like fairies of various places, different creatures and entities and things that have become the subject of curiosity or worship, spirits and things, etc. I think many of these creatures exist, just that they may be different from us in the nature of how they interact with the world and matter and that, and I don't think they're deities or anything. I believe in ghosts of humans in some cases, too, though I believe sometimes other things mimic them. I don't find the idea of God having someone reincarnated if he wants the same soul to play many parts in the world unlikely at all, though that's really just me speculating. I still believe in demons, and I still don't want anything to do with them.

A lot of my understanding of things comes from Jewish, Catholic, and Protestant teaching in a strange mishmosh of culture and religion.

I relate to a lot of things directed at Jewish people, and I understand what's directed at Catholic people. Things directed at Protestant people are both understood and, unfortunately, make me instinctively wary due to weird cult trauma (that in no way reflects on actual protestant people, i love you guys some people just suck and twist religion) so are hard to interact with.

In a lot of ways, I'd consider myself Jewish. Culturally, at least, if my religious beliefs aren't "validly jewish" or whatever.

I have literally zero actual connections to any Catholic church, but I almost feel like a weird half-catholic. That's not a thing, but it's how it feels. I believe a lot of it, and I'm interested in all of it, even if I have my disagreements, plus I understand the environments and culture of it, even if I'm a bit of an outsider.

A year- or maybe two years, idk- ago, I mentioned some upcoming holiday or smth in a post and tagged it messianic. That's the closest name I could find for my experience, but apparently some organizations who use the term suck or something. I ended up getting a bunch of asks calling me a predatory fake jew or a fundamentalist christian trying to appropriate judaism or other weird shit that I'm NOT DOING. Because of my experiences in the past, those comments still weigh so damn heavy on my that I broke my resolve and made this stupid account to complain about it.

I don't have a name for what I am. I don't know where to go to talk about my beliefs with people, or what environment I could find to actually practice whatever weird faith I've dreamt up with other people in a way that isn't just picking part of what I believe and leaving the rest to rot. I feel closer to God and more spiritually fulfilled practicing the festivals that call back to what the Jewish people of old went through, but I also believe in the messiah of the new testament, and I like to read the pope's opinion on things, even though I think no human is perfect or infallible. I want to talk about old writings with people and discuss what they mean, from my religion or others, and I don't want to give any of what's right for me spiritually up.

I don't know what this post is for.

Maybe I'm just venting, but I do want to know if this is a thing or if I'm the only one with this belief system. I'm sick of getting shit for the actions of people who I'm not affiliated with, so apparently calling myself messianic doesn't cut it. I can't call myself "spiritual but not religious" either, because I'm very religious, it's just very personal and not something I shove at people, and "christian" doesn't describe a solid half of what I believe. Off and on again I've considered converting to Catholicism, but I think that's kind of grasping at the closest thing that won't piss off tumblr anons as much. (And yeah, the larger Catholic church can suck, but I honestly think I'm gonna get that with any religion with a large following)

Rambling aside:

I want to find a short description that hits the major points of what I believe in order to help me find a place or group of worship that actually matches my spiritual needs without compromising the cultures that I grew up with and making me feel like shit.

(Also don't try to change my beliefs thanks)

I'll be tagging this with anything I've mentioned or vaguely heard of that might be related so relax ok

Let’s Talk About Cole

Hi! It’s me again with another segment of “Allison Can’t Stop Analyzing Dragon Age Characters.”  This time, I am going to be talking about fan favorite Cole.  I think it’s relatively universal for people to like Cole and to enjoy his character.  People like to draw him, write about him, and just talk about our Fade Friend all the time. It’s great! 

However, the nuance of Cole is a little harder to understand, and as with most characters, he often gets reduced down to basic qualities and then those basic qualities are changed ever so slightly that the character starts to not even feel the same anymore.  I love Cole, and I have done some research about him in order to write a handful of scenes involving him, so I am just here to share some of the things that helped me out while I was learning about what makes him tick!

Step 1. If you have not read Asunder, I cannot more highly recommend it.  It has so much information about Cole’s back story.  Also, if you haven’t read Asunder and you don’t want spoilers for Asunder, you should probably go read it and then come back to my post later.

Step 2.  The Cole section of this post right here is literally magic.  The whole post is magic, but since this is a Cole meta, I’m specifically referring to the Cole piece.

Step 3.  Things about Cole that are essential to understanding him:

Cole is Neurodivergent ( and no, it’s not up for debate)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “Neurodivergent” is simply a word that describes a person whose mind works and processes information in a way that is considered different from an average joe neurotypical person.  Often times neurodivergent is used to describe autism, ADHD, and other conditions that affect neurological development.

Because Cole is a spirit, he processes the world around him differently from non-spirit characters in the Dragon Age Universe.  He perceives different things and understands things differently from how other characters might.  Cole also has some misunderstandings and misperceptions about human social norms and boundaries, that he becomes more acquainted with over time.  It is important to note that this development happens *regardless* of the path chosen for him with regard to Varric V. Solas (I am not a fan of this particular part of his character arc, but I am going to go into that later). The fact that Cole is neurodivergent means that someone who is neurotypical is likely going to have a hard time understanding him and may perceive him as “childish,” “naive,” or “helpless.”  They might also have difficulty understanding his speech patterns and especially recreating them if they seek to write him!

Neurodiversity is so important, and Cole is excellent representation, so it’s equally important that we strive to do our research and make sure that we are not removing that representation or presenting neurodiversity in a way that its harmful to others.  Different is different, not bad, and certainly not less.

Cole is Not a Child

I mentioned above that there is a tendency to interpret Cole’s neurodiversity as childishness or naivete, and even when it is unintentional, it is an ableistic view point that can be harmful to entire communities of people.  There is a pattern (not just in DA fandom, but also in DA fandom) whereby neurodiverse folks are often viewed as children.  They’re infantilized and treated as if they are helpless and/or cannot make good decisions on their own. Cole suffers from this as does Merrill (sometimes Sera, too).  

For Cole, this situation is not helped by the fact that the game portrays him as helpless and in need of a “father” figure to help him choose his path.  Hence we see Solas and Varric arguing on whether Cole should increase is affinity for spirtdom or for humanity.  I understand that everyone has their own opinion for what the “better” path for Cole is, and I’m not here to argue that; however, I do think that his arc would have had so much more meaning and been so much less invalidating for neurodivergent people if Cole had the autonomy to make his own decisions. In Asunder, we see Cole being very independent and making his own choices, figuring out who and what he is.  At the very end, his very last line in the entire book is, “I’m not helpless anymore.”  I don’t think that sounds like a character who cannot make his own decisions.

Fun fact: Cole is designed to be approximately 20 years old, which is the exact same age that Alistair was in Dragon Age: Origins.  (While Alistair is also the victim of infantilization… it still puts things into perspective a little bit). In order to avoid the “kid”/child dilemma, it is best to conceptualize some of the things in Cole commonly interpreted as childlike or immature as “newness.”  In Inquisition, Cole has only been in the mortal realm for a few years, and he has only been cognizant of the fact that he is not a human, but a spirit of Compassion for even less time.  Rather than treating him as a “baby” it is best to treat him as someone who is just learning a new culture, a new world.  

Cole is a Spirit of Compassion, Not a Spirit of Matchmaking and/or Meddling in your Personal Affairs.

A trend I see often is Cole as matchmaker, or Cole as interested in every detail of everyone’s sex life or Cole being a filterless vent for whatever the people near him are thinking.  It’s easy to assume that about him, as he does comment on a few relationships (Cullenmance, Solavellan, and Bullmance) in particular; however, there is an interesting tidbit of how Cole’s thought reading works located in his banter with Dorian.

Dorian: That little trick, Cole, when you dip into someone's mind and take a drink?

Dorian: Do you choose what you're looking for, or is it random?

Cole: It has to be hurt, or a way to help the hurt. That's what calls me.

Cole: Rilienus, skin tan like fine whiskey, cheekbones shaded, lips curl when he smiles.

Cole: He would have said yes.

Dorian: I'll... thank you not to do that again, please.

Essentially, Cole can only tap into thoughts that are 1.) Painful or 2.) Can help lessen the pain in some way, shape, or form. So, when he accesses thoughts about an LI or something else very personal, he does so to HELP.  It is not random.  It is not filterless.  It is a very pragmatic way to be compassionate. When I was thinking of ways to explain this, the first thing that came to mind was the work that I do as a mental health professional.  We are actual practitioners of compassion.  It is our job to listen to our clients and help them to solve the problems that are causing them to suffer.  We ask a lot of deep questions and probe about a lot of personal things, but it is very targeted.  We do not ask intimate questions just out of curiosity or just for the heck of it.  It is geared toward the issue at hand.  That is exactly what Cole does.  

Unless prodding your OC about the details of their sex life is going to make them feel better, he will not bother.

Cole is Not an Innocent, Precious, Little Cinnamon Roll

First of all, that goes along with the infantilization of his character, so it’s just a really ill-considered choice of language to describe him.  Second of all, it is simply not true.  

I understand that for people who have not read Asunder or played the Champions of the Just questline (and especially people who have done neither)  there is very little information about him to judge his character on, and what we do see is a person whose only mission, his sole purpose, is to help the hurt. That does seem very wholesome.

In Asunder, we see a much different side of him.  Believing himself to be Cole, a young mage who died of starvation after being forgotten by Templars, Compassion roams about the White Spire in a confused and lonely daze, unaware that he is actually a very powerful spirit.  He is called the Ghost of the White Spire, a legend that is terrifying to those that inhabit the tower.  Why?  Because he murders mages.

If you are thinking “oh, he probably killed them because he felt them suffering and he thought it was the only way to end their misery,” you are thinking exactly as I did, and you would be wrong.  While he did target individuals who were despairing, it was not altruistic.  He killed them because it felt good when they died, because that was the only time anyone could see him.  The way the book describes it, it was almost an “addiction” or a physiological need for him to kill.  He was distressed by his actions, but was not able to stop without Rhys’ help.

Over the course of the book, Cole learns more about his past and figures out what he is.  He also, through the help of his relationship with Rhys and Evangeline, comes to understand that he does not have to murder people to be seen and remembered.  When he is sent to the Fade using the Litany of Adralla, it all finally clicks and he returns to haunt Lord Seeker Lucius, for all the pain and suffering he caused his friends and loved ones. It is such a brilliant character arc and I so wish that we got to see more of it in the game.

Cole is a Person the Entire Time (Human vs. Spirit/Varric vs. Solas be damned)

Regardless of your opinion of Solas, one thing he gets right is in arguing that Cole is already a whole and complete person when he joins the Inquisition.  He actually argues for the personhood of all spirits in general, and I think that any reasonable person can look at the spirits (and demons) with whom we have interacted so far and, putting aside feelings about Solas, draw the same conclusions.

Let’s take a look at all of the Spirits/Demons we have had actual interactions with thus far:

Valor

Justice

Compassion

Command

Wisdom

Choice

Desire

Pride

Sloth

Rage

Fear

Envy

While some of these interactions were minimal, each of these entities show qualities that one would associate with personhood.  Qualities such as motivation, goals, higher order thought processes, emotions, etc.  When we meet Justice in DA:A, he is a thinking, feeling being who longs to right wrongs and comes to care for mortals a great deal.  He comes to this conclusion on his own after interacting with his companions in the events of the game. Choice, or Imshael, who we see in The Masked Empire, and in DAI,  has such an identity of his own that he does not like to be referred to as a demon. I could go on.  These are not mindless, thoughtless creatures, and so viewing them as people just makes sense. This is part of the reason I do not like the Solas vs. Varric questline (aside from the fact that Cole should be able to choose or not choose as he wishes).  Cole is already a person, and Varric’s line of thought is not “making him more human,” it is only serving to make him “less compassionate,” and that’s all.  He becomes more selfish which is why he is able to have more of his own personal goals (it’s not because he did not have them before; rather, it is because they were drowned out by everyone else’s).  

This is not to say that I think Cole should have to forgive his abuser.  He shouldn’t. Not unless he wants to, and that choice should be his to make, not Varric’s, not Solas’, and not the Inquisitor’s.  I have an opinion as to which path is better, but I’m not going to discuss that here because it will detract from the actual point which is that the language of “human” versus “not human” is just bad and here’s why.

It implies that forgiveness is not a human quality.

It implies that in order to be considered a person, one has to “think” and “do” as everyone else does.  

Because of Cole’s romantic/sexual interest in Maryden when Varric’s path is chosen, it implies that lack of romantic/sexual attraction is not “human,” which is aphobic.

Because of his Maryden interest in the “human” path, and because he has “become more human” in his thought processes, it implies that neurodivergent people cannot or are not interested in relationships, which is ableist.

TL;DR: I’m not a fan of that questline. Your mileage may vary.

Finally, and Probably the Reason You Sat Through the Rest of It: Cole’s Speech Pattern!

Cole’s speech is really difficult to capture in a way that is both enough and not too much.  It is not as simple as just seeing how much alliteration can fit into a chapter.  Sure, Cole uses a lot of alliteration, and it is incredibly fun to play with while writing him; however, his communication is not as simple as that.  If you check out the link I shared in Step 2, it will take you to a Character Files reference where there is some information about Cole’s speech pattern that is much more in depth than I am going to go so definitely check it out. When I am writing Cole, I categorize his speech into three different types:

Synesthesia

-  the alliteration, the purpley flowery descriptions, the metaphors, the in the moment, no regard for grammar, run on sentence speech he is known for.  This comprises most of his dialogue.

Direct thought reading

- when he is actually quoting characters’ thoughts or stating their feelings out right.  He might speak as them or he might speak as himself observing them.

Cole’s own thoughts

- Yes, he has them, and he has a lot of them.  Many of these show up as his interpretations of and suggestions for others regarding their hurt.  However, he also shows a lot of agency of thought.  He wants to know if Dorian thinks he’s handsome, he talks about wanting there to be more rabbits in stories because Bunny was Cole’s sister’s name and it reminds him of her.  Cole expresses a lot of his own thoughts and feelings if you just take time to listen.

Writing Cole effectively involves a good balance of all three types and I recommend just playing around with it!

To Sum It All Up

Cole is amazing, but he’s also often misunderstood and mischaracterized, and Allison has a lot of feelings about it that you could spare yourself from reading if you do Steps 1 and 2 and skip the middleman. The end!

4, 7, 12, 15! (film asks)

(another ask from almost a year ago! 4, 12 and 15 were answered here, if you’re curious, so I’ll try to change them up.)

A film you could watch on repeat for the rest of your life?

As I said, I tend to re-watch a lot (far more than I watch new things lol. It’s comforting! I re-watched Person of Interest in one sitting over Christmas lmao). I’m gonna go with D.E.B.S. That film is fun.

A film you wish had a sequel?

I would’ve watched an entire expanding franchise for Jupiter Ascending.

A movie that holds a special place in your heart?

Trick ‘r Treat. That… sounds weird to say. But I remember I watched it at a time when both my little brother and I were going through some difficulties due to mental issues, and the subplot where the kids that bullied the neurodivergent girl got their comeuppance was. Really cathartic xDD

A film everyone loves but you hate?

This question is hard because I tend to forget about the movies I dislike lol. I guess I was pretty underwhelmed by The Dark Knight trilogy? Or Kill Bill?

Trick or Treating: How Old is Too Old?

It’s getting to be that time of year again; leaves are turning colors, decorations are on the shelves, and kids are thinking about upcoming costumes and candy. Halloween is a favorite holiday for many children (and adults) and it’s not hard to see why. Who wouldn’t like an excuse to go all-out with theatrics, dress-up, and then get free sweets on top of that? However, for many parents and guardians out there, this year might be the year you realize that your little one isn’t so ‘little’ anymore. So, when is it the right time to hang up the witch-hat and pumpkin basket?

“Aren’t you a bit old to be trick or treating?”

Parents are primed from pregnancy to make sure their child is meeting all of the right milestones and developmental stages in life. If they don’t get to these stages, it is easy to worry that something may be amiss in the child’s development, or that you’re not doing something correctly as a parent. However, unlike your child’s first steps and losing all their teeth, trick or treating is an activity meant for one key thing that a child (or adult) enjoys at any developmental stage — having a good time!

It’s easy to think of Halloween as a holiday meant mostly for kids. It involves candy, costumes, scary things, and being silly in general — something that adults have often ‘given up’ as unacceptable interests or behaviors for someone who is meant to ‘act their age’. Humans are beings significantly led and restricted by social inhibitions, and for older children as they grow. The expectation of trick or treating as an activity limited for ‘little kids’ typically leads to them making their own decision to stop collecting candy and move towards Halloween activities geared towards teens (haunted houses, scary bale rides, and horror movies).

Those who choose to continue trick or treating after many of their similarly-aged peers have stopped will likely experience some feelings of isolation and a push to give up the activity — even if they themselves may not want to. Trick or treating itself is a largely social activity; going to peoples’ homes, meeting up with friends, comparing candy hauls, and planning costumes all involve significant amounts of speaking and interacting with family, friends, and even complete strangers! If a child finds themselves trying to go it alone, having a fun time with trick or treating can be especially difficult.

Even well-meant questions from adults such as, “Are we trick or treating this year?”, “Will you be helping hand out candy?”, “Would you take your little sister/brother trick or treating?”, or “Do we need to buy you a costume?” can all be signs to a child that they’re getting to an age where trick or treating is something that’s no longer expected of them. Try to avoid these questions when at all possible, and let your child be the one to say they want to stop trick or treating when they feel ready.

If your family is one that celebrates Halloween with trick or treating, assume the child will be continuing to do so until they ask you to stop — there’s no real reason to push them towards stopping unless they want to; and the last thing you may want as a parent or guardian is for your child to grow up even faster than they already are. Don’t rush the moments, and enjoy their excitement with trick or treating and pictures of them in costumes as long as you can — you won’t regret it.

“Oh, are they, you know, ‘special needs’?”

Unfortunately, the mindset that trick or treating is strictly for kids is also limiting for people who may not perceive social pressure and experiences to the same degree or in the same way as others. Individuals who are neurodivergent and maintain an interest in trick or treating throughout their development face significant discrimination and privacy violations when trying to participate — despite there being no real need for these restrictions.

It’s more common for children who are neurodivergent to get a ‘free pass’ as older children and young teens, but in order to receive candy and participate, it means having to disclose their conditions to complete strangers. If they are an adult, even with disclosure they may get the door closed on them or be unable to participate without scrutiny. This is especially difficult when people in general want to be treated the same as everyone else, but are still held to standards that don’t apply to each person indiscriminately.

In more recent years, people have become more aware and accommodating to differing needs for those around us. For example, it’s commonplace for there to be gluten-free or toy options for trick or treaters with different limitations. One other commonplace development is the use of ‘blue buckets’ as a method of identifying trick or treaters who may ‘have a reason’ to appear older than expected, make limited eye-contact, not say ‘trick or treat’, or behave differently in general1.

On the face, this can appear as a great accommodation and allow for smooth trick or treating to carry on. However, I would challenge you to ask who the accommodation of the blue bucket is really for? Is there a reason if an adult in a costume or a child older than expected comes to your door to trick or treat, that you shouldn’t give them a piece of candy? Will you withhold sweets from a child who doesn’t look you in the eye, acts a bit differently, or maybe doesn’t say the actual words ‘trick or treat’?

When asked that directly, the response may be, “no, of course not!”. However, consider if you actually have. If a child without a blue bucket doesn’t ask ‘trick or treat’, there’s the common assumption that they’re ‘just shy’ and efforts are made to tease or goad them into saying it. Any adult in a costume is usually assumed to be a parent until proven otherwise. Older children tend to be given less candy than younger children. Despite being a pretty ‘giving’ holiday, in reality we actually do put a lot of judgement and discretion into how we choose to dole out our candy without ever intending to be discriminatory or harmful.

The blue bucket movement is not an accommodation for those with ‘special needs’, but is actually a passport to get past whatever rules we as candy-givers may have — subconsciously or otherwise. Requiring a person of any age to disclose a developmental disability or health condition to a stranger in order to have fun and participate in a holiday is actually a pretty significant violation of that person’s privacy2.

We would not expect a child with a physical disability to have ribbons on a chair or other assistive devices for us to know to treat them the same as other children. It would not make sense for an adult to have to wear a badge explaining why they deserve to be treated with kindness if they don’t meet your gaze. The general expectation is to treat everyone equitably and with respect. So, why do we assume that a reminder of that is necessary for a simple holiday activity like trick or treating?

So, regardless of age, costume, speech, or mannerisms — give your neighbors (big or little) the benefit of the doubt when October 31st comes around. Try not to overcomplicate things or worry about whether your trick or treater (or someone else’s) is too old to enjoy the activity or not. Enjoy the costumes, treats, and overall environment of the season — without limitation — and encourage others to do the same. Be kind, be safe, and have a very happy Halloween!

If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment or you’d like more information, please contact us.

Glanni for the character meme you just reblogged?

send me a character and i’ll tell you:

sexual orientation headcanon

androsexual

gender headcanon

bigender

mental illness / neurodivergent headcanon

schizoaffective w/bipolar disorder

3 random headcanons

Robbie’s older brother (they’re twins, but Glanni’s older by about seven minutes, so he makes a big deal about it)

His catsuit was actually a Halloween costume and he used it to go trick-or-treating because he wanted free candy. It didn’t work so he just stole the candy from some kids.

Scared of chihuahuas.

I've suspected that I'm on the spectrum for a while but feel weird about self diagnosing and talking to my friends about it and was wondering if you would mind talking about your personal experience with self diagnosis? Also how debilitated must a person be to have this? And can the amount they are debilitated vary depending on what else they're coping with and still be valid?

I’m formally diagnosed as ADHD-I and suspected to be on the autism spectrum, but not officially diagnosed. I was diagnosed as ADHD after fifteen hours of testing. they also said they had considered autism spectrum disorder as a second diagnosis, as my childhood profile matched perfectly. the reason they ruled it out? well, ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap in symptoms and traits, so they wanted to treat my ADHD before diagnosing anything else. okay, fair. ADHD and autism are very frequently comorbid, but fine. I can accept that. but their other reason? “you write poetry and have an interest in activism. those are not typical for people with autism, as they require abstract thinking and empathy.” here’s my take: if the only reason I wasn’t diagnosed as autistic is because my special interests/hyperfixations aren’t fucking stereotypes (because contrary to popular belief, autistic people are human beings with varied interests and passions…….who knew???), I can confidently say that those reasons are terrible. if those are the only things that prevented the diagnosis for a disorder I otherwise match perfectly, well, then I AM autistic. their reasons were outdated, ignorant, and uninformed. I have many autistic friends who share my interests and my commitment to activism: they are valid, and so am I. and so are you. the thing about diagnosis is that regardless of whether you do it, or your family doctor does it, or a specialist does it, it all comes down to examining your history and experiences and matching them to a list of traits that are frequently shared by people with that label. there’s no magic to it. there’s no trick. it’s just asking “do you experience this?” “has this happened to you?” “do you think about this in this way?” and answering honestly. there are definitely benefits to formal diagnosis. being diagnosed as ADHD means I can access medication that helps me manage my symptoms and exist more comfortably and well within a world that wasn’t designed for me. but with autism, I was never looking for a treatment. I don’t want to be medicated or cured. I don’t want to be put through abusive therapy designed to make me act allistic. learning about autism on my own terms and finding community online helped me fill in the gaps in my life and work through the shame and discomfort and humiliation that I grew up with. it gave me affirmation, coping strategies, and people who I could relate to. for me, that was all I needed, and I didn’t need a doctor to diagnose me in order to access it. sometimes formal diagnosis is necessary to access the help you need, but if that’s not what you’re looking for, and you can’t or don’t want to go through the diagnostic process (where unfortunately you’re very likely to encounter a lot of ignorance and ableism), you don’t have to put yourself through that. you know yourself. you’ve done the research. you exist in an age where all of medical knowledge is a click away, and if all you want is a word for how your brain operates, and a community of people who get you, well, then welcome! you’re here! you’ve found it! and yes, circumstances will have an impact on how debilitating your symptoms can be. I know that with my ADHD, I have much worse symptoms when I’m sleep deprived, hungry, stressed, etc. it’s also understood that environmental factors have a huge impact (upbringing, family life, education, support systems, etc). I was raised by very disorganized, chaotic parents (one of whom is now diagnosed as ADHD as well, and the other who is considering seeking diagnosis): as such, my biggest struggles are with tidiness, planning, time management, etc. at the same time, my mum’s realization that I was very unusual, and her choice to home-educate me to spare me from bullying and being made to feel like a failure in an academic environment had a hugely positive impact on me. she nurtured my special interests, helped me follow my passions, didn’t force me to do things that made me miserable (even including eating foods that gave me sensory issues: to this day, she always makes sure to cook me something she knows I can eat without being distressed!), and affirmed my worth in every possible way. a lot of adhd and autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent) kids grow up with very low self-esteem because they’re made to feel inferior within a system that wasn’t built for them. I know with adhd in particular, the drop-out rates, alcohol and drug abuse rates, incarceration rates, etc are very high compared to non-adhd people. I credit my academic success in my late teens and adulthood to my mum; if I had been in school my whole life, I wouldn’t have believed in myself and the results could have been catastrophic. what is disabling in one situation can be an asset in another; yes, ADHD and ASD come with impairments and challenges. sometimes really fucking huge ones. but a lot of the things that we struggle with are socially constructed and enforced, not innate to us. we live in a society that demands that we work and/or go to school full time; that we hold a job in order to survive; that we focus on and do things that don’t interest us; that we be able to socialize based on very specific parameters; that we constrict our emotions in public and only express them in ways that are considered acceptable to neurotypicals. we live in a world that is not designed for our brains, and that world makes our impairments disabling/debilitating. anyway, massively long response just to say that self-diagnosis is valid. I would still recommend getting some kind of counselling or therapy if you’re able to, just because growing up autistic or otherwise neurodivergent comes with a lot of pain, and it can really help to work through it with someone whose job it is to listen. (just keep in mind that there are a LOT of awful therapists out there and you should never stay with one who you don’t feel you can trust or talk to. the first thing my old therapist told me when I met her was that if I didn’t feel like she was the right fit for me, I could make an appointment with someone else and she wouldn’t be hurt at all, because it’s about my wellbeing above all else). at the end of the day, this is about your wellbeing. so if autism as a word feels like home, you’re home. find others like you and share with each other the joys and the pains of having this kind of brain. look for resources online. figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. use this knowledge and this identity to try to create a life for yourself that isn’t always hurting you.