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ferrstappen · 11 months

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the second time we broke up l Lando Norris series

a/n: HELLO, I really like this concept and hope you enjoy it enough so I can come up with a third and final part that I have in mind <3 thank you for your messages, sorry for the delay on the requests, but I promise I'll get through them and announce the 1k celebration! <3

PART ONE HERE

pairing: Lando Norris x female!reader

words: 3.7k

warnings: teeny tiny allusions to sex, wear words.

genre: angst and some fluff <3

summary: there were reasons to try again, but maybe not enough.

You mourned the relationship, your first relationship, the classic way: crying, ice cream, sad love songs, getting drunk, bashing him with your friends who trash talked him with you, more crying, trying to get back up, realizing your worth.

Learning to live with no Lando, your dorky friend and loving boyfriend.

On the other hand, Lando was angry. He didn’t let himself cry, feel sad, be sorry for himself, be apologetic. He was resentful. Did you feel superior to him? How could you do better than him, a Formula 1 driver?

Maybe it was his bruised ego talking, acknowledging you actually could do better than an immature F1 driver who couldn’t give you stability, the comfort you deserved, the attention he couldn’t (or didn’t want to) reciprocate.

He simply let go, detached himself from the situation and simply forgot about it; rolled his eyes whenever friends from home brought you up at the same time he was getting acquainted with other people. Lando Norris was just realizing the world was his and had to take advantage of it; he was wanted, he was desired, and he let it go to his head while walking the streets of Monaco, letting his eyes trace the silhouette of women who dedicated him a flirty smile.

He spent more time discovering Monaco’s night life, going out with other drivers and their social circles, leaving the club with a stunning woman by his side, gaining the experiences he lacked because everything he got to know was you.

This went on for the entire break, he rapidly left the family home after Christmas under the excuse of clearing his head, feeling comfortable in his new home, new country.

It all lasted until the season was supposed to start, but it didn’t.

In the blink of an eye, he was cloistered; no more night life, expensive champagne, exotic cocktails, waking up with a different figure every morning before gently letting them know it was time to leave.

For the first time he was realizing the hotel room was empty; one suitcase, one phone charger. The bathroom only had the miniature hotel goodies, there wasn’t a shampoo bar, some Lush shower gel (that he always used), no hair left in the tub, YLS perfume on the counter.

The next day he noticed Charles had a new girlfriend, Charlotte he heard, and he saw a bit of you in her; she was shy, educated, wealthy family, an outfit that could’ve resembled yours whenever you blessed the McLaren garage with your presence, and she was also carrying her laptop in order to get some reading done while supporting her boyfriend.

That was the moment Lando noticed you were missing.

He didn’t know what to do at first, what are you supposed to do to regain contact with your ex-girlfriend with whom you didn’t have the friendliest of break ups? It’d only been a couple of months, but he was aware he was different and of course you would be as well.

He tried to subtly ask Max whenever he flew over to Monaco (pretty much every weekend). His best friend only fed him small details here and there, knowing exactly the intentions of his friend, even if he tried to act all nonchalant and recounting his experiences with girls here and there.

But there was only so much Max could take.

“Mate, what’s the thing with (y/n)? Why do you keep asking me about her?” Max asked, Lando caught unprepared for the question (or outburst) of his friend.

“What do you mean? Of course I want to know about her, she’s still my friend,”

Max rolled his eyes. “Mate, you’ve rolled your eyes during the last month whenever someone brought her up, behaving like a child throwing a tantrum and now you’re all interested?” Max questioned his best friend, trying to use an understanding tone so Lando wouldn’t shut down. “I can’t help you unless you tell me, mate.”

Lando took a deep breath.

How was he supposed to tell him he missed you?

No, that was too simple, too ordinary, I miss you couldn’t begin to express the turmoil of feelings wanting to burst out of his lips after being muted and ignored for so long.

He enjoyed silence, but he missed your quiet humming.

He had fun meeting new girls, but he craved your body under, on top, against his own, like two pieces of a perfect puzzle knowing what the other needed.

He got annoyed sometimes when you asked him to keep his voice down while streaming, but he missed the scattered papers, books, class notes on the living room table, eyes closed and hair scattered over the table.

He hated his closet, full of hoodies, not one trench coat, denim or leather jacket, thick sweater.

He despised his kitchen, only watching his trainer approved food, no ice cream, hidden Maltesers as to not tempt him, bland orange Jaffa Cakes he’d always laugh and call you a grandma for having them.

He missed your careless figure, only a bra and thong or boy shorts roaming from the bathroom to the bedroom over and over again, always missing a t-shirt, a skin tint, a brush, a hair pin.

He hated himself for forgetting to call his mum, being used to you reminding him to FaceTime her.

And so he told Max everything; the void on his chest, the shivers in his arms, the empty side of the bed, the rose scented shower gel, the tingling on the palm of his hand, the exhaustion of trying to find you in other people when he knew there was no one like you, the desperation of thinking of you with someone else, the fear of not living the future he made up in his head.

Of course, after he let it out of his chest his best friend was staring at him as if he grew an extra head. Why didn’t you say this before? Lando answered he hadn’t realized, he wasn’t aware of his feelings, eyebrows rising when Max snorted; half mocking, half shocked at Lando’s cluelessness.

“Mate, you have to be honest with yourself if you even want a fighting chance,” Max knew if he didn’t tell Lando, he’d never be aware or liable of his actions. “Mate, she’s fine now, but it was such a low point, her parents didn’t want me to see her at first because I’m your best mate,”

Lando threw his head back in surprise, squinting, asking Max whatever he meant, because he was well aware of his feelings and what he longed for.

I cannot be the one to break it to you, mate. Those were Max’s words, and Lando was getting annoyed.

“Fuck’s sake, Max. what do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? She’s the one who broke up with me!” Lando exclaimed with a raised voice.

Max groaned, an annoyed, i-can’t-believe-i-have-to-be-the-one-who-tell-you-this groan.

It’s your fucking ego, Lando. It got so fucking big don’t even know how a body as small as yours could handle that incredible vision of yourself when you couldn’t bring yourself to go back home and have some pints together, you didn’t care on calling for our birthdays, we got some fucking McLaren merch you told someone to send us, nothing. Max felt as if he was slowly emptying his chest.

Lando was shaking his head, the events he was hearing weren’t veridic, Max created a scenario that never happened.

Max continued, ignoring Lando’s denial.

And we are your friends, (y/n) was your girlfriend. Mate, you forgot about her and she didn’t even have to tell any of us because she was making excuses for you. Of course you were busy, mate, but so was her and you couldn’t care less. Bob, I’m telling you this because you are my best mate, but please hold yourself accountable. Yes, she was the one who announce the break up, but it wasn’t because she wanted to.

Taken aback, trying to come up with a response, Lando realized his walls were crumbling, his heart was aching, his brain was making the connections, bringing back the actions he knew were wrong.

Fuck you, mate. I’m still putting on a good word and try to come up with something, but fuck you, Bob.

Nothing a hug, a pint and Call of Duty couldn’t repair.

Three weeks went by where Max prepared the field for his friend, making sure every friend was on board, slowly settling ideas on their friends.

We all have free next weekend?

It’s been long since we’ve all hung out together.

We’ve all been studying and working so hard, we deserve to have a little break.

Do any of you have any ideas?

Lando told me we are all welcome at McLaren for Barcelona, two more weeks.

That’s when Max’s efforts and intentions were clearer. Lando wanted to make amends or bring back the group? Did he need something? Probably not, it still didn’t make sense.

Your friends agreed with very little hesitancy, probably assuming if Max was proposing the idea chances were you were in the loop of sharing a space with Lando, especially after the circumstances.

After everyone left you asked Max why would he put you in that position, knowing being back on the paddock would be full of awkward interactions for you, asking whether or not you were back with Lando, your name being thrown around on social media, strangers paying just a little more attention at you in classes, righ after you’d gotten over it.

But were you truly over it? The situation, yes. The wave died, only focusing on your well-being, learning to be without him.

Now, were you over him? Of course not. You missed his teary laugh, his messy curls in the morning, the glint in his eyes when he saw you get off the plane with your bag, the flutter on your stomach whenever he smiled at you, unafraid of letting you know how much he loved you.

It was two weeks, but felt just like a couple of minutes, boarding a crowded British Airways flight to Barcelona, using the excuse of having too much to study in order to not pay much attention to what was going on, Apple Music choosing the worst song choices for your state of mind.

But God, you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more

I’d say you broke my heart, but you broke much more than that

Now, I don’t want your sympathy I just want myself back

This was a terrible idea, your thoughts of getting up and announcing you didn’t feel so good so the plane couldn’t leave the ground. You weren’t ready to face Lando and all the feelings it’d bring back.

And don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded?

Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?

Ugh, and fuck this song as well. That’s the last thought on your mind before angrily opening a Maltesers family sized bag, preparing your nostrils to feel his perfume again, your hand to touch the soft fabric of his hoodies, your check for the courteous and familiar peck on the cheek.

The hotel was the same, papaya t-shirts walking all directions before going to the track, with some people not knowing you, others trying to hide their surprise before saying their heys.

And the rest was a blur, completely.

He saw you, you saw him.

Lando put on his best façade, a relaxed expression on his face, usual smile, normal stance. Neither you nor Lando lingered on the first hug, make eye contact after the greeting cheek contact, announcing you’d all go out on Sunday, Carlos would bring some friends and whatever.

Max expressed his frustration to Lando, noticing he didn’t do anything to even get close to you, with the driver telling his best friend he was paralyzed, his mind betraying him and not letting him think straight; your perfume too familiar, too starved of your touch, too drunk on your voice. But he tried his best, supported by his friends, Carlos patting his back before directing him towards you, using the excuse of you catching up with Isa.

Isa ad her boyfriend quickly fell into a quiet conversation, trying their best to give Lando and you the space required while both of you updated each other on whatever happened since you last saw each other.

And you were weak.

Weak for the veins showing on his arms, the grip of his hands on the bottle, the light stubble on his chin, Lando throwing a joke on the only reason behind the light hairs even seeing the light of day was because you weren’t with him because, being honest, you would’ve told him to get rid of it.

Maybe you wouldn’t fix things, but maybe you could get something from this trip. At least waking up next to him, stepping inside your bubble one more time.

Crazy stuff how body and soul connect, completely silencing your reasonable head screaming to get away from him, trying to remind you of the tears, the disappointment, the crushed self-esteem, the sleepless nights seeing him with girls who didn’t always look like you. Body on the other hand… was ready to throw it all overboard just to touch his lips again, caress the soft skin, draw the freckles and moles decorating the beautiful canvas called Lando.

That’s why you agreed to leave with him, but little did you know Lando’s thoughts never mimicked yours. He just wanted to walk you to your assigned hotel room, asking if you could talk; maybe now, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a couple of weeks, but he needed to inform you he’d be waiting for the conversation, the uncomfortable heart-to-heart.

And it happened.

He recounted the facts from his point of view: overwhelming welcome to the historic team, his name thrown around all over, everybody trying to get a bit of him, and in the attempt to please everyone, he neglected you and your history, disrespected the shared love and admiration, destroyed the strong pillars of your entire relationship.

You chronicled every phase of your process: the denial, anger, adoration, sadness disappointed. How the situation decimated the vision you had of yourself, trying to understand why your heart ached for him still.

He wasn’t afraid this time to let a few tears run down his beautiful eyes, quick to erase them and hide the quiver on his voice, to tell you he was willing to fight because after not having you, at the short age of twenty, he was sure you were his person, his meant to be.

You let him kiss you softly; not rushing, not letting your hands wonder over known but forbidden places. With the only purpose of trying to keep up, inform each other of the feelings, the love, adoration and need.

It was like the break up never happened, you were flying and walking next to him during the next GP, kissing his helmet for good luck. You’d never deny the awkward moments when he crossed paths with a regular paddock girl with whom he shared a short time with, but you were able to understand.

The love only grew.

This time, more mature and secure, no longer with books scattered and messy buns after days and nights of studying, you packed everything and moved to Monaco with him, taking his words to heart: you were his person, his meant to be.

Then years passed, and what you thought was a more mature relationship, more secure, crumbled down with one simple DM telling you a model was exchanging messages with Lando and were partying together a couple of weeks ago, a little too close.

You never questioned his late nights, inconvenient meetings, new projects. Never once doubted him and his love for you.

Now you are twenty three.

This break up was different. You were adults; more mature, with more to lose.

This time he was crying and you were angry; angry as you stared at the kitchen you had carefully chosen the right cutlery, the right shade of beige, the perfect vase. You had jumped, even when he gave you no reason at all to do it, your love for him was that great, sacrificing everything you could think of.

For it to end up like this.

He was crying. Not that fake crying with soft whimpers and sniffling. No, he was crying.

Lando was aware of the weight of his mistake, his brain knew the outcome, but his heart was trying to hold on for dear life, working to get a reaction out of you, doing everything in his power to show the desperation trying to crawl off his skin.

How could you? How can you be so selfish, when did you become this sorry excuse of a man who couldn’t tell me to my face you were seeing someone else, you chose to humiliate me. How can you care so little about me that you keep breaking me? What did I do to you to put me in this position? The painful thoughts and reality shaking you and letting

I am not seeing someone else! Baby, you flinched, yes we were exchanging messages and whatever but it meant nothing. You know a lot of influencers and fucking whatever message me all the time.

Yes, Lando, and you answer to each one of them. That’s what you told him while rolling your tearful eyes.

I know it was right there, borderline, I didn’t do anything, we just exchanged some messages, she was flirty and yes, I kind of followed along but she always knew I am in a committed relationship.

“Are you trying to make things worse?” That was your honest question, catching his desperation but devastated by the situation.

She found me. I was hanging with Max and Kelly and she found me, I don’t know how. I held her waist for like ten seconds and then she tried to kiss me and I backed away. Kelly even told her to go away, she even spoke in Portuguese, she can tell you that!

Stil you some how are not aware of your actions, Lando. Please tell me how you still are the same boy I fell in love you years ago, but not in a good way! you’re immature. Again, once again I’m here, in this fucking position, how am I supposed to get over this? I do not have the strength to get back up from this because you’ve somehow taken everything.

That was the catharsis, the implosion of your insides, breaking everything it came in contact with.

At least, this time you were not staying with things to tell him. This time you were letting him carry the burden of fucking things up.

“I gave up England, I gave up festivities with my family because you were tired, created this whole new life because it was convenient for you, your career, your everything and the last, the only thing I asked from you was respect, because it’s not enough for you to love me, you have to respect me and you keep showing me you don’t and it’s heartbreaking because I don’t know how, after all these years…”

The silence was unbearable, your pain was deafening. Lando’s helplessness palpable.

“I don’t know what to do for you to see everything I do, everything I sacrifice. For you to realize that I’m great, that I am not just a pretty girl for you to show around sometimes. I’m intelligent, I know that I am good,” Now you were choking, the sobs were excruciating even if your words didn’t make sense for Lando, but the feelings were strong your head was spinning.

“Why can’t you see that? Why do you put me in this position, humiliated once again when you are supposed to love me, respect me, cherish me…”

More silence. More desperation. More tearing.

“Or maybe I don’t deserve that?” You quietly asked him. Because maybe you were the problem, the factor why things failed. Maybe you really were not enough, the image of yourself not real, your love not that important, your presence not very needed.

Lando shook his head and said no, of course not, to please don’t say that.

“Maybe I have this image of myself and it’s not the truth, because I feel worthless, Lando. All I’ve ever wanted is to be enough for you, to be the person you come home to, and I don’t know why I failed again.”

He cried and denied everything, completely taking the blame, assuming the consequences but trying the last desperate resorts.

One month later, he was with the girl on a yacht.

Two months later, you saw them entering Lando’s parents house, iron gates opening and letting you catch a glimpse from across the street of your parents’ home.

That was the last time you saw Lando Norris.

At least for now.

#lando norris au #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris blurb #lando norris angst #lando norris fluff #f1 x you #f1 masterlist #f1 x reader #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine

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ms-demeanor · 8 months

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Quick question about Framework laptops: Can you not actually upgrade the motherboards on them? Because their site/Ifixit makes it look like you can.

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Mainboard+Replacement+Guide/79?lang=en

It has admittedly been a few years since I looked at their site and it does look like they've launched an upgradeable motherboard.

I will admit that this doesn't necessarily do much to quell my skepticism, for this reason:

When I first started working with computers professionally in 2011 it was maybe a 70/30 split between SATA/IDE drives that came in with laptops and it was still quite common to pick up PCs with 32bit operating systems.

About 5 years ago it started becoming more normal for us to send computers out of the shop with either an SSD and an HDD or just an SSD.

Then it went to M.2s. Then NVMEs.

About every three to four years I've watched memory technology change - when I started is was DDR3, then DDR3L, then DDR4, and DDR5 has been shipping recently.

When I look at the Framework website I see that all the DDR4 is on sale and all the DDR5 is pre-order. Is motherboard that's compatible with DDR5 going to be backwards compatible with the parts of your framework laptop - like the keyboard, screen connections, battery, etc, that you've ordered over the years? Apparently the last three generations have been compatible for major components, but there have been issues with chargers between generations. It won't be compatible with the RAM, that's for sure - or your M.2 drive.

At that point you're replacing the motherboard every couple of years and possibly other components and will just be keeping the frame and body? I feel aluminum is not the biggest extractive concern associated with computer manufacturing. (Like at what point are we reducing actual waste and at what point are we bound up in aesthetics? If you're replacing your motherboard, processor, RAM, and storage drive every few years what is the waste that you're saving - the screen? The touchpad? how many motherboard cycles do you think a screen will last?)

Basically I have doubts about the durability of the modular model and the ability of framework to keep pace with the inevitable changes that will happen in computer technology as time goes on.

And if you have to replace your motherboard, processor, and RAM every two to three years to stay up to date I'm really not certain that I see much advantage (ecologically or technologically) in doing that over using a single laptop for 7+ years and upgrading it periodically.

Basically, here, what this user on the framework subreddit says:

(I'm not certain that IS the minority of users - tons of people on the specs post are talking about their 10-15 year old laptops, and I feel like if we could teach people more about computers from a purchasing and maintenance standpoint we'd have more people using their computers for ten years)

And also, it's expensive. The motherboard upgrade for a framework owner is as much as a lot of people would hope to spend on a new computer, and you'd still have to get new RAM at a minimum.

And I mean look I know that I think about computer part compatibility more than most people; i have probably purchased more computers in my life than anybody but corporate buyers at this point.

I think that framework is a great option for the people who know that that's the option that they want, but there seems to be the assumption among the community that people are blithely buying computers every two years and throwing out the old ones because they don't know any better and that misses a couple of points:

1 - most people work as hard as possible to get the most out of their computers, often pushing past the realistic ability to upgrade or maintain their existing devices

2 - people who do replace their computers on a 2-3 year schedule tend to do so either because they are very wealthy or because they are pretty broke. Most people who I encounter would *love* to keep their computers longer, but also find that $400 is prohibitively expensive and so are stuck in a cycle of refurbs and chromebooks and black friday sales.

Basically i think that framework is a great idea for people who need to have a new top of the line computer every three years; it is an improvement over buying a new computer every three years, it is doing the "re-use" bit of reduce, re-use, recycle.

However I think that's not most users and I think we could pretty easily get to a place where more users would benefit from reducing through better proactive purchases and maintenance.

Basically: I'm leery of telling people who aren't power users to get a power user computer even if it is theoretically easier to install RAM in a framework than to pop the bottom off of a Dell because it's not actually that hard to pop the bottom off of a Dell.

IDK the entire computer industry is fucked in a major way and at least framework is acknowledging that so props to them on that, and hey it rules that they have a refurb marketplace. That is definitely a company I'd trust for refurbished devices.

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michellemisfit · 5 months

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Weekly Tag Wednesday Thursday

Thank you @darlingian for creating this week’s game. Thanks for the tag @juliakayyy @lingy910y @jrooc @sam-loves-seb @mmmichyyy @mickeysgaymom @deedala @metalheadmickey @creepkinginc @stocious @mybrainismelted @energievie

Which character from any media would you like to have as a father?

Magnus Bane (Shadowhunters) would be pretty cool, AND magic.

If money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have?

Do laws include laws of science and… y’know… reality? If not… Mother fucking dragon, baby!

What is your Chinese takeout order?

Salt & Pepper chicken. Duck pancakes. Satay chicken. Prawn crackers. An insane quantity of spring rolls for @rutherinahobbit

What's your favorite emoji?

I’ve become very fond of 🫡, but the one I use most often is probably 🥺 - it’s literally my face. I look at Ruth like that and say ‘I am the emoticon’ and then she has to be nice to me… 🥺

Would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house?

Library. For the aesthetic and the comfy comfy reading nooks! Also I would be able to have all my favourite fic bound and displayed in the library <3 <3 <3

What childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly?

My Little Pony and Animals Of Farthing Wood

What was your tumblr like when you first joined?

I had it for longer, but I first started really using it for Shadowhunters, and 90% of the fandom was here, before it largely moved to Twitter, and now has been struggling to move back, so has sort of become a bit homeless 🥺

What clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself?

Anything neat and tailored. I think it looks fly AF, but I have neither the body type nor the patience for it.

If you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best?

Stars Hallow is really good shout I’ve seen other people use. Also any fictional TV show that basically takes place in a home, only. I’d be all over that! haha

What is your favorite piece of art?

I’ve been obsessed with ‘Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee Around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening’ ever since I was about 10 years old.

Do you have a water bottle? what does it look like?

I recently broke my water bottle so I’ve got a temporary replacement one and I hate it. It’s boring and too big and not the right shape. Grr.

What fanfic trope is a quiet fave?

I’m pretty loud about all my fic feelings. Sometimes I unexpectedly enjoy a Mafia/Crime AU, though I would never go looking for it!

Do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what's the weirdest thing in it?

I’ve got three. A tote bag for when I bring lunch Tupperwares into work or otherwise have to transport big things. A large backpack for when I bring my laptop into work or travel. And a tiiiiiiiny backpack (smaller than A5) and the weirdest thing is how much stuff I manage to fit into it! First Aid Kit. Sewing Kit. Wallet. Phone. Portable Phone Charger. Sunglasses. Tissues. Cigarettes. House keys. Pill box. Misc. hair things for when other people need them.

If you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be?

Carl. Ultimate chaos couple!!!! 🙌

What is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did?

We all know the old adage: You're only ever one good fic away from developing that weird kink you keep making jokes about, stay humble.

There’s nothing that hits quite the way an unexpected horny swoop hits! Stay humble. Stay open. Stay curious.

Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian?

Mickey Milkovich voice: YUP YUP

Who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house?

Agree with @lingy910y - I absolutely see Mickey and Carl fighting for the bat! it’s their potato masher!! <3

Tagging @silvanshadow @captainjowl @thisdivorce @crestfallercanyon @heymacy @ohkate @too-schoolforcool @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @callivich @crossmydna @palepinkgoat @vintagelacerosette @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @you-are-so-much-better-than-that @ian-galagher @imikhailotakeyouian @mikhailoisbaby @depressedstressedlemonzest

#weekly tag Wednesday #tag game #Mys stuff #darlingian

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doyouever-daydream · 1 year

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so two people wrote fics on ao3 about Luke and Tara moping around because of their love lives and i want to acknowledge how much i appreciate it, i truly love their friendship and am glad other people do too (and write fics about it, i've been meaning to write as well but my laptop's charger broke and i hate writing on my phone)

#garvez #luke alvez #tara lewis

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wspcal · 4 months

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How would J’s introduction go? Because she’s the ultimate actress, would there still be her hiding her name and maybe even talent in the au?

IM SORRY FOR NOT POSTING LATELY my laptop charger broke for a whole 2 weeks & i had to wait for it to restore

I think that J would say that her name is her stage name, she wouldn't really hide it. (but it would interfere with the 2nd chapter motive 😭) Her talent will not be hidden though :)

#drdt #alternate universe #ask

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angy-mouse · 2 years

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A Day in The Life of A Live-In Whore Vol. 2

second verse, same as the first-

lowkey building 'screenshots' of readers twitter to post

<Pev

Baby Reveal

Realistically, it was only a matter of time before one of the boys let something slip on camera. And, realistically, it was definitely going to be George.

He instinctively turned towards the movement in the corner of his eye, lighting up when he saw you peeking through the doorway. “Hey, luv,” he purred without a thought.

“You’re not streaming?”

Your words hit like a sack of bricks as he slowly turned back towards his monitor. A couple of hundred thousand people were typing at light speed. “... Fuck.”

With the cat out of the bag, you reached your arm into the frame to smack him upside the head. “Fucking dumbass.”

It’s a Muscle

You stared at him, jaw dropped. “What?”

Dream laughed at your expression. “It’s a muscle, just like all the others I work out to make bigger.”

“...What?”

Your eyes snapped instinctively to the movement in the corner of your vision, missing Dream’s cocky smirk as he made his dick jump in his sweats again.

“...WHAT?!"

Butts

"You got a cute butt, y'know that?"

You glanced back over your shoulder, seeing Sapnap watching you dig through the cupboard- correction, he was watching your ass- with a dreamy expression.

"Thanks?"

He hummed appreciatively, giving an innocent smile that made you trust him enough to turn back to your search for the Tupperware.

Crrrrack!

"I knew it!" You shot up, clutching your ass as he ran away giggling. "You get back here so I can kill you right now!"

"I couldn't resist, sugar! You can't stay mad at me forever, 'cause I put the Tupperware on the top shelf!"

"Damn you tall bastards!"

Twitter Trouble

“They’ve seen her arm during my stream, you both have mentioned her- I don’t think it’d be a big deal to say, ‘by the way, same girlfriend.’”

“No way, dude, Dream’s fans are fucking psycho, I’m not putting our girl through that.”

“Hey, they’re not all psycho.”

“Great argument, you’re really selling me on this.”

You were getting tired of the debating extremely quickly. George was sick of having to walk on eggshells, Dream was used to hiding everything about himself from the internet, and Sapnap was stuck between ‘protect baby’ and ‘I wanna post my damn girlfriend.’ So, you raised your hand from where you were laying on the couch, waving it until you got their attention.

“Maybe this is a good time to mention half my twitter is vague-posting about our relationship and the dumb shit we do. I can just start using names. If it goes over well, you confirm it. If it doesn’t, you get to make a video reading hater messages and shitting on them- I know you love that, Dream.”

“... It’s true, I do love shitting on haters.”

The Horror

"Oh my god!"

"It's disgusting,"

"There oughta be a law."

You huffed, glaring at all three of your boys as they crowded around your laptop. "If I knew you were going to judge me this much, I would have just paid someone to fix it."

"How many fucking tabs-"

"What's with the 'ninety-nine plus' in your inbox?!"

"No wonder it's so slow, you haven't updated the system in years!"

You rolled your eyes with a groan just as George raised his hands. "Boys, let's not go crazy here. I think I have a solution." You'd hardly opened your mouth to thank him before he flipped the computer over and popped out the battery. "This can be saved. Sapnap, trash the rest. Dream, buy baby a new one."

"You guys are dicks."

Football Season

You looked between the TikTok open on your phone and Dream, who was standing to get a better view of the game (and they call you the weird one?). You waited until it seemed like nothing important was happening to lay the bait.

"I'm taking the chargers money line and under at fifty-four points, what do you think?"

"I think I'm taking my ass to jail after killing whoever the fuck taught you that."

Your poker face broke the second he whipped around, cackling as he marched past you to get his coat. "Dream, no- babe, it's a TikTok!"

"I know damn well you don't watch football, let alone football TikTok. Sapnap, let's go! We're killing baby's other man!"

"Oh my god, I don't have-" Sapnap cut you off as he came bounding down the stairs.

"About time! George has had it too good for too long!"

"How did things go so wrong so fast?!"

Towel Trouble

"Whatcha got there, baby?"

You remained oblivious to the poison in Dream's voice as you spun around, modeling the thick material obscuring your figure. "It's called a bath sheet! Isn't it great? Now my ass isn't hanging out after my shower. George got it for me!"

All three boys mumbled out compliments as you found what you'd come in the room for, but the second you were out of earshot, the massacre began.

"What the fuck did you do that for?"

"Nice going, jackass."

"I'm about to go 1776 on your ass."

"Next thing you know, he's going to get her full-length skirts, too."

"You enjoy covering her up, you sick pervert?"

George stared blankly as the two took turns throwing insults, taking a long sip of his drink. "You two done yet?"

"Suck me off."

"If it'll get you to listen for a second." He gave them a sick smile, exactly like a villain cornering the hero. "Baby now feels comfortable wearing nothing but a towel. Baby does not feel comfortable in a bra. Which means she has a reason to delay getting dressed. Which means I just made our girl happy and gave her an excuse to lounge around practically naked."

"... I never doubted you for a second, Gogy."

"You know, I think we should've never left England in the first place."

"You're both cocksuckers."

TwitchCon

“I’d like to introduce our special guest,” Dream announced as their eighteen-plus panel began. He stood from his chair, dramatically waving to the side of the stage that disappeared into the performer’s area. “You know her! You love her! Half of you wanna fuck her, don’t think we don’t see the comments! It’s Babyyyyy!”

The crowd roared as you came out, dodging all three boys’ attempts to steal a kiss as you found your seat, picking up your microphone.

“I left the food court for this, so make it good.”

#angymouse #minors dni #squeakin #mcyt smut #sapsqueaks #dresqueaks #gogysqueaks #liveinwhore

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unexpectedstormy · 1 month

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Hihi Stormy it's been. a while lol HOW HAVE YOU BEEN??!!! Sorry I haven't been frequently enough on tumblr to know, my laptop charger kinda broke and I only have a college laptop, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD NOW!

HAVE A MOTH! It's a Peppered Moth that reminds me of you!!!

HIII RUSSS!!! How are you doing?? I am good, I am currently listening to a Star Trek Voyager podcast and cutting out fabric pieces to sew a cloak for my 3 year old niece. I had a rough school term last term and I'm not sure I passed math but it's over now and I'm cautiously hopeful next term will be better. What a lovely moth! Looks like it's cookies & cream flavored eeheeheehee!

#russeliat my beloved #an unexpected ask

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grantwilsonenjoyer · 10 days

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help girl i broke my laptop charger this morning and the bookstore doesn't sell any that are compatible.. HOW am i supposed to write fanfiction in these conditions (also i have finals in a week and a half so like. Um.)

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joe9cool · 1 year

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Collide-Justin Herbert-19

A/N I do not own or know the Chargers, Justin or any other real life person. This is all fantasy. Thank you

From the moment Sara arrived at her sister's house. It was chaos.

She didn't even have time to set her bags down before kids were tackling her and trying to get her attention. She gave them big hugs and then was passed around from family member to family member.

A mimosa was put in her hands at some point, (it was 11 am) her bags made it downstairs to her sleeping arrangements. It was all a blur, then she was at the kitchen counter while her family was arguing about going to Brent's game against the Tampa Bay Lightning later that night, which was news to Sara.

As much as she missed her family, she was worried about Justin, he hadn't spoken a word to her since Sunday before the game. That wasn't him at all, she knew the loss was hard on him, especially the ending. She tried to stay off Twitter, but she couldn't help but read some of the analysts' takes. (Which were bullshit)

"Sara, I wish you would have had one of us pick you up from the airport. You didn't need to take a taxi" her mother's voice broke her thoughts.

Her Uncle George cut in. "Well, now Sara is too good to be seen with us now. You know she's running around with all these plastic people. Matter of fact" He looked at Sara up close. "Is that a botox needle in your forehead?"

She frowned. Not even been here for an hour and was already getting teased. The whole group laughed while Aunt Willa chimed in. "Honestly Sara, if you get any plastic surgery I'd recommend chin lipo, although I must say you looked like you finally dropped the baby fat. We were all beginning to worry."

Brittany, Bouncing her baby bit back. "You were worried, for no reason." She looked at her baby sister. "Congratulations on the Fenty fashion show. We all look forward to seeing it on Amazon."

She was confused. "Well, I thought you guys would want to go. It's late January."

"Well it would be nice, but we can't get the time off."

Sara nodded. Looking over at her mom. "What about you and dad?"

Cathy smiled sadly. "Sorry sweetie I wish you had told me this a few months ago. I'd already booked my girls' cruise, and you know your father doesn't want to go to those things by himself."

"Yes, I don't think my brother would enjoy seeing his kid in lingerie. That's not a sight anyone would want to see, seriously Sara, how inappropriate." Aunt Willa took a swig of her champagne.

Now she was reminded why she never went home. Speaking of her dad. "Hey, where is dad? I haven't seen him."

Cathy shook her head. "I wish he would slow down. The whole plane ride here he was glued to his laptop."

"Surely his clients are on Holiday too. I'm sure they don't want to be speaking business all the time." Charles rolled his eyes and cut in "Unfortunately they all have the same mindset. Why do you think I never took a position with his company? I'd like to enjoy my kids and my life, thank you." He wrapped his arm around his wife, who smiled and kissed her husband.

The whole group awwwed. Sara smiled, wondering how Justin would be if he was here.

Kenzie began crying in Sara's arms, she took that as a sign to pass her to Alyssa for feeding, as soon as her arms were free Brittany passed her daughter Eliza to her, who for being almost a year old was a smiley and bubble child. She was pulling on her aunt's ponytail and giggling.

Alyssa rolled her eyes as she passed Kenzie for Sara to hold. "He's using Theo's playroom as an office. Seriously, even the week of Thanksgiving, he has a lead on some stock."

The group laughed as they watched the whole thing. Eventually, Cathy spoke. "Sara, so Friday night we need you to watch the kids."

Sara was playing with the baby's hands. "Why?"

"Well we are going to the Christmas market, and taking seven children would be a nightmare."

She was confused. "Well I can go, I love the Christmas market. I can ride the kiddie rides"

Katie cut in. "Well they have this couple thing that we are all doing, and since you're single…." She trailed off.

Of course, because Sara was single she couldn't be involved with any of the couple's stuff.

They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Alyssa smiled. "Ryan and Michelle are here!"

Ryan was Brent's brother, he and his wife married the past April which the whole family attended. Sara's family was close, which meant that in- Laws were a part of the family as much as blood-relatives. Again she wondered how they would be with Justin in this scenario.

The entire family was welcoming to Harry. When he surprised Sara by showing up to Pittsburgh the family welcomed him with open arms. He charmed her mom and dad and acted like one of the siblings.

When it was revealed he cheated the whole family was in shock. Sara was in a dark funk and shut herself off from them. It was a defense mechanism. She didn't want the looks and words of pity, the whole speech of finding someone and 'there's one in this world for everyone' crap. Katie and Charles met in college, same with Scott and Brittany, Alyssa and Brent were together since middle school, only breaking up when he was drafted due to distance. It only lasted four months.

Then there was her. She had a boyfriend in high school, who laughed and discouraged her love of acting. She had some hookups in college. After fame she had an on/off relationship with a guitarist from an indie band. Her family majorly disapproved of him. Sara was ashamed to admit he treated her like crap. Now that she thought about it, she liked the fact that dating him made her a rebel of the family.

Once everyone greeted the newlyweds the conversation continued. Her dad had come into the kitchen finally and Sara greeted him with a hug and kiss."

"Missed you, Sare bear. You need to come around more often."

"Yeah we haven't seen you since April. Do you even like us?" Ryan laughed.

She smiled. "I've just been busy with everything."

Uncle George cut in. "Oh I'm sure Pilates and fancy lunches have kept you so busy."

Everyone laughed.

Sara wanted to just go home.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey you"

Justin turned around to find Kristen behind him, he was on his way to the film room after weight lifting. The overall mood was sour, the loss stung. As much as they tried to focus on the Holiday nothing seemed to cheer up the group. His mom and dad announced last minute they would be driving up Wednesday with Patrick so he wouldn't be alone.

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be back home?"

She laughed. "Yes, but the campaigns are killing me. Besides, David is in town and that's all I really need. What about you?"

"My parents and Patrick are coming tomorrow so it will be nice to see them."

She smiled. "Oh how sweet! Mitch is probably busy with Med school, what about your girl?"

He smiled sadly. "She's with her family in Missouri."

Kristen made a sad face. "Oh I'm sorry, at least you will have your family. Trust me, Holidays suck when you're alone."

Justin laughed. "You don't have to tell me. I had one by myself. I was invited to join some teammates and their family but I feel bad intruding you know?"

She agreed. "Hey I have to go, but David and I are going to head to dinner later. Would you be down?

Justin shrugged. He could use the company. "Sure! It will be nice to catch up with another person from Oregon. Maybe he could give me the scoop on Patrick so I have something to tease him for."

Kristen laughed. "Sounds perfect! I'll text you the details."

They waved bye and went their separate ways.

Unaware that someone was watching.

From fansports.com

Taylor Biscotti confirms romance with Chargers QB Justin Herbert.

The two sports stars, who have been linked since 2021, were spotted at lunch near Herbert's home in Irvine, a fan tweeted seeing them, although they weren't sure it was Biscotti, she confirmed it by liking another twitter user's post defending the couple's relationship. Inside sources also say the two were spotted hanging out near SoFi stadium.

The tweet may have been unliked, but their romance is alive

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"GOAL! The Blues take an early lead!"Sara stood up from her seat in the St. Louis Blues private box and cheered along with the rest of her family.

It was early in the first period, the Wozniak family having their own separate box for the game.

Upon arrival, a couple of fans spotted her and asked for photos. She felt herself being recorded a couple of times when she was talking to her sisters.

During the break they showed her face on the jumbotron. She smiled and chugged her beer to the cheers of the fans.

Of course her Aunt Willa made some comment about being classy.

The suite provided an entire buffet for the family of the players. While everything looked really good Sara was on a strict diet, deciding to keep her calories to alcohol. She was trying not to be obvious in checking her phone to see if she had any calls or texts from Justin. So far nothing, and that worried her. This is the longest they hadn't spoken since they first met. She knew the loss was hard on him, but not enough to shut her out.

Katie's oldest son, Charlie kept begging her to play games on her phone, saying that the game was boring. Sara instead told him they could play I Spy instead. The last thing she needed was for a message to pop up and the almost seven year old to answer its or worse pick up a phone call. It has happened before.

Once the second period started, Katie yelled at him to play with his siblings, since the other cousins were too young. Sara was holding Kenzie once again, taking in the baby smell and soaking up the cuddles.

Alyssa sat next to her and smiled. "You're a natural, you know that?"

"Well I mean she is number seven, so I have had practice." They looked over at Brittany who was sipping water. "Is it just me or is she pregnant?" Sara laughed.

Alyssa joined in. "She hasn't had one sip of alcohol, and when I took out the breakfast spread she looked like she wanted to puke at the smell of the eggs."

"Watch I'm calling it, she's going to announce it at dinner Thursday." They both bet on it. Being close, they usually knew something was up with one sister before they could say it towards the family.

It shouldn't have surprised Sara when Alyssa spoke again. "So Katie told me when you had lunch in New York that you have a crush on this guy? Jake I believe?"

"I don't remember what I said to Katie, you know she blows everything out of proportion."

Alyssa rolled her eyes before pulling out her phone, after a few minutes. "Justin Herbert, he follows you on your private account"

Sara groaned. "He's a friend. I've only spoken to him once at Joe's wedding in July. Besides, I have friends that follow me on my account."

"How is he a friend if you have only spoken to him once?"

"He requested me, so ask him. I've gone with Joe and Alisha to Chargers games and he's good friends with them. So that is probably why." She was hoping her sister would drop it.

But of course she wasn't that lucky. "Come on Sara, he is just your type."

"He has a girlfriend." It was the only excuse to get her sister off of her back. It pissed her off to say it, but she had to do what she had to do.

That seemed to shut Alyssa up for a bit. "Sara, you need to get back out there, go on some dates. Maybe stay away from famous guys. Ooh maybe Brent could set you up with one of his teammates. How about one of the guys he used to be teammates with in Chicago? Or… you did say that you like-"

"Alyssa, stop please. I'm not concerned about finding someone right now, okay? I know when you all were my age you had rings on your finger. It's just not for me right now.

Alyssa studied her sister carefully. It was the way she spoke about this Justin character that raised her alarm bells. Katie had told her the same thing when they spoke on the phone. Their baby sister may be an amazing actress, but she wore her heart on her sleeve when it came to love. It was no different now, and when Alyssa and Katie researched him, they discovered he was dating a sports reporter. Leave it to Sara to fall in love with someone unavailable.

The topic was dropped as they enjoyed the rest of the game.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Table for three please, in the back." Justin smiled at the hostess and David and Kristen followed behind him.

It was nice to catch up with friends from Eugene, his only regret from his trip with Sara was that he didn't get a chance to Introduce her to any of his friends. Maybe one day that will change.

They were seated at a table with two chairs on one side and one on the other. David took the single seat, making Justin and Kristen sit next to each other. Justin was aloof, it was just a friend.

Too bad no one else saw it that way.

The waitress came over and smiled right away, recognizing Justin. She looked to be in high school and immediately glared at Kristen.

She took their drink and food orders, having been to this place frequently. When she walked away Kristen laughed. "Oh my god she thought you and I were together! I hope she doesn't spit in my food."

Justin was red. "Oh my god I'm so sorry, seriously I didn't mean for that to happen."

Kristen waved her hand. "It's fine, you should be used to it Mr. QB." David teased. "How does it feel to be getting all of the attention from the ladies now? I noticed Sara Wozniak follows you. She's one of the biggest actresses of our time."

Justin tried to play it off. "Yeah we met at Joe Grant's wedding in July. Only said a couple words to her."

David was looking at his phone. "Speaking of she's at the St. Louis Blues game. Her brother in law Brent Smith is a defenseman on the team."

It was like a light bulb went off in the blonde's head. Out of the corner of Justin's eye he saw her whip her head towards him. He knew it was coming.

"Justin. What does your girlfriend do in the entertainment industry?"

He was quiet for a moment. David was lost looking between the both of them. The conversation was on hold as the waitress came back with the food. Making sure to lay the niceness on thick with the athlete. Once she saw she was getting anything past the usual niceness, she huffed and walked away.

Normally someone would make a comment but there were other things to focus on. "So what exactly does your girlfriend do? I believe her name is Sara." Kristen leaned towards Justin with her head on her hand, she looked like a mom questioning her kid about something he did. "That is her name."

"And you said she is visiting family in St. Louis?" David was looking back and forth between the both of them, confused on what his girlfriend was getting at. "Kristen babe what-"

"I said she is in Missouri." Justin tried to be as vague as possible but unfortunately luck was not on his side.

"Justin, is Sara Wozniak your girlfriend?"

Justin was silent. He didn't know what to say, but silence meant conformation. "Kristen it's very private-"

She clapped her hands in happiness."no way! That's amazing!"

David's jaw was dropped. "Dude, do you realize how lucky you are? She was 2019 Maxim's hottest celebrity of the year!" Justin and Kristen glared at him. "One of my buddies told me" He defended.

"I loved her in Don't worry Darling. Did she really hook up with Harry Styles? I always thought it was PR?"

Justin was uncomfortable. "I don't know, it's not something I want to talk about with her."

David and Kristen dropped that subject sensing how pissy he was. "But seriously, how did you even meet?"

He felt like he had told this story a million times. "At Joe Grant's wedding in July. We just hit it off."

"I follow her on social media and she's hilarious, and so sweet. She is very involved with Charities and will help anyone. Never heard of a bad experience with her." Kristen smiled. "How have you guys managed to dodge cameras?"

"Well for starters you're the only one who knows outside of family that knows. Second, we don't go out in public, and I don't plan on it."

"No offense dude, you're dating one of the biggest stars of our time. If anyone close to her team knows eventually it's gonna come out. Not to mention if she has a movie coming out. Makes good PR."

Justin shook his head. "She would never, besides she had a movie premiere in October and nothing was said."

"At the end of the day celebrities are all about the image. It's up to her team to make the announcement when it would benefit their client."

Kristen, who sensed Justin was getting uncomfortable, decided to switch topics. As they spoke about Justin's family coming in for Thursday he was deep in thought.

Sara wasn't that type. Was she?"

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was cookie day.

The day before Thanksgiving everyone got together and made a shit ton of cookies. It was Sara's favorite thing about the Holidays. They made over 600 cookies, sugar, rainbow, chocolate chip, raspberry lemon, ricotta chocolate chip, ladyfingers, any kind you name it. They did it for all of the sisters' weddings. Over 400 made for the reception. They were handed out as gifts.

All of their friends appreciated the day. It was called Wozniak cookie factories. It was insane.

Alyssa's kitchen was a factory, mixers were going, a ton of baking sheets were spread out on her kitchen island. Sara was helping the kids at the dining room table decorate the ones that cooled off. Theo was on her hip. He had a meltdown over Brent leaving for a week road trip, the almost three year old not understanding that dad will be coming back.

Aunt Willia remarked as Theo was screaming. "Sara darling, if you ever get married do not marry an athlete."

Sara could only nod. Alyssa rolled her eyes.

Charlie and his younger brother Tristan were arguing over who's cookie was better. Sara and Katie had to step in. Mike was sitting in the living room on his phone, making a business deal for sure. Sara rolled her eyes. Leave it to her dad not to be involved with this.

Her sisters may have gotten used to it but she wasn't. He still managed to make time for the others as they grew up but when it came to her it was always work. She hated to see the cycle repeat with her nieces and nephews.

She set Theo down in his seat once he finally calmed down. Eliza was napping. Alyssa was feeding Kenzie. Tristan and Charlie were decorating while their sisters Samantha and Jessica were in the playpen as they were too young and their attention span was very short.

Sara was about to start with the turtle cookies. She was going to make a bunch for Justin but on cue she felt her phone buzz in her Jean pocket. She grabbed it to see Justin's name. It was the first time he reached out since Sunday. She looked around the kitchen. Everyone was occupied so she decided to go out the front door. Walking past her dad she told him "Hey dad my agent is calling I'll be right back. "

"Hmm hmm" was his only response as she closed the door behind her and stepped into the chilly evening. Making sure she walked a good distance so no one could hear her she picked up . "Well well Justin long time no speak"

She heard him sigh on the other end. "I know babe, I'm sorry. It's been a crazy couple of days."

She rolled her eyes. "So has mine, but I've texted you. You had me worried sick."

Silence. She knew that he knew he was in the wrong. After a moment he spoke. "I know there is no excuse. I'm sorry. I will make it up to you when you come home."

That made her feel better. "Patience baby, less than one week."

"I know Sara, I'm anxious because I miss you so much."

"I hate that you're celebrating Thanksgiving alone."

Justin laughed. "I actually have my family in town."

"Oh my god, how long are they in town!" Sara wanted to see his family and hoped they would stay in town til she arrived Monday.

"Pat is leaving Friday for his game. My parents are staying til Sunday."

"Damn I'm making cookies and I have like four plates to bring home."

Justin laughed. "Really? Is your family one of those holiday cookies obsessed?"

"Our record is 700." Justin let out a low whistle. "I can't imagine that."

"Yeah poor Alyssa's kitchen is going to be a huge mess."

"Speaking of your family, did you say anything about us?"

"No, and they have been questioning me because you follow my private social media. I told them you were just a friend and you have a girlfriend."

She heard him breathing a little heavier on the other side. "Really? How would you describe this girlfriend of mine?"

A blonde reporter, she thought bitterly before she spoke. "Well she is a brunette, who is stubborn and a total goober." Her and Justin shared a laugh. "Also the major plastic surgery she needs is a chip lipo."

"Wait what?" Justin was confused, this was supposed to be playfully and she just comes out of left field with this.

She didn't know why she said it, but her family tended to point out her insecurities and get under her skin. "My Aunt Willa said that if I get any plastic surgery it should be chin lipo. My uncle joked that I have botox."

"You're Aunt Willa sounds like a bitch." Sara laughed loudly. "Yep she is. I don't know why she always shows up to family events. She has her husband's family to go and bother but I guess they see through her bullshit."

They spoke for a little bit before she saw incoming texts asking where she went. She told Justin she loved him and missed him before sighing and walking back to the house.

When she walked back in, all eyes were on her "and just where have you been?" Her mother scolded like she was coming in late from curfew."

Sara was confused and looked at her dad, who was in the exact same spot on his computer. "Dad, I told you I had to step outside to take a phone call?"

"You never told me that." Anger bubbled up inside of her. "Yes I did, you just don't pay attention because of work, as usual."

Cathy interjected. "Your father works really hard. Remember how you grew up."

Of course Aunt Willa cut in. "Seriously Sara, why must you always start something on Holidays. If you were going to do this we might as well not want your presence."

Sara's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something but Scott, Brittany's husband cut in. "Hey guys we still got a bunch of cookies to make! We want to break the Wozniak family record! To the kitchen everyone!"

To avoid further confrontation everyone followed Scott's lead. Sara trailed behind. She turned around to give her dad one last glare. Of course his attention was still on the laptop.

It was going to be a long fucking weekend.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

Justin had just got home from Thanksgiving practice to the smell of a home cooked meal, something he hadn't had since Sara left. He walked into the kitchen to be greeted by his mother and father, as well as Patrick. His mom was checking on the small turkey he bought from the store last minute. Usually if his family wasn't in town he would just go by a teammate's house. But this was much nicer, he was around people he was comfortable with. It was times like this he really missed Sara. He loved how well she fit in with his family.

Yesterday's conversation with David and Kristen was in his mind. Sometimes he forgot that she was a huge celebrity.

It's not up to her when her PR releases info.

He was a private person, the less people knew about him the better. So if this relationship were to be exposed. People would want to know everything about him, his family, friends, and people he was romantically involved with. He didn't want that at all.

He had to push that off to the side before he gave himself a panic attack.

Patrick and his dad began talking to him about the Lions-Bills game that was on and that occupied him, as well as the video review he needed to watch.

He and Patrick were discussing the videos before Mitch called from New York. It was hard not seeing Mitch as often as he used to. He looked to him for advice considering he was the oldest and the wisest at life. Mitch wouldn't say that though, but it showed in his accomplishments.

They spoke with Mitch over facetime and then ate. His mom was one of the best cooks. After a few minutes of silence his father spoke. "So what is Sara doing with her family? She's from Pennsylvania isn't she?"

Justin shoved mashed potatoes in his mouth. "Yes, but she is in Missouri. Her brother in law plays for the St. Louis Blues, so the whole family is down there."

"She has nieces and nephews right?" Justin smiled. "Seven, and she thinks her sister is pregnant and going to announce."

Patrick shook his head. "Wow, that's a lot of kids. He looked at his mother, and he knew the look on his face. "Don't you start asking about grandkids."

Mark and Holly laughed. "I'm not. Not yet anyways."

Patrick laughed. "Don't come around with that energy. If you want grandkids you better pester Mitch and Isabella for that."

Holly laughed. "Once he graduates med school in a couple of years. Or.." She looked at Justin. Who wasn't paying attention until he felt all eyes on him. "What? Oh no mom don't start."

"I'm not starting anything, I'm just saying anything but you and Sara seem really serious."

"Oh Holly please, he's twenty four and they have only been seeing each other for less than a year. Give them time, plus he's 24 and focused on football, way too young to be talking kids and marriage."

Patrick spoke. "Wait, I thought you really liked Sara."

"Oh trust me I really do, I'm just saying it's too soon. Trust me I would love for all my sons' girlfriends to join the family one day. Just not today because I don't want to feel old and I'm not ready to be called Grandpa thank you very much."

Holly smiled. "It's not much, but I would like to be a grandmother in five years at least."

Justin smiled. "We will see about that. But I still think Mitch is your best bet."

Holly smiled into her wine.

—------------------------------‐—--‐—-----------------------

Dinner was delicious.

She had to admit her family knew how to cook. Thank God, because if Alyssa was left to fend for herself. It would be drastically different. Her dad carved the massive bird. The blessing was said and they all dug in. Sara made the mac n cheese and posted it to tiktok. Which it was social media approved thank you very much.

Before the meal Sara and her family posed for a united photo to post on Instagram. Of course her Uncle and Aunt had something to say.

Things had seemed to calm down since the dodged argument the previous day. Sara decided not to let their shitty comments bother her. She didn't want to be the trouble maker as her aunt called her.

Just a few more days she thought. I can do this.

The family launched into their plans for Friday. They had planned to make a whole day out of shopping and Christmas fun. Sara picked at her plate while they spoke of their couples fun date night.

"Sara?"

She looked up from her plate. "Yes?"

"We have enough bottles in the fridge, and we also wrote out their schedules for naps and stuff. Also Tristian and Charlie are to have no sugar." Katie stated.

Charles smiled. "Although you're their favorite aunt for a reason, so we don't expect you to follow that."

Sara smiled. "I am the fun one for a reason. Which reminds me, give me a list of all the things they want for Christmas that will piss you off so I know what to get them."

The whole group laughed. But it was short lived because of Aunt Willa.

"Well dear you know sweets aren't good for them. You don't want them to be chubby like you growing up. Also be careful about your plate, you don't want to setback your weight loss."

Everyone continued talking, oblivious to the direct insult at Sara. It was always like this, to avoid conflict. Which was easy for them because her insults weren't as rude to them as it was Sara.

She took another swig of her wine, reaching for the bottle again to pour herself a big glass. Of course Uncle George had to notice.

"Whoa we see Hollywood is turning you into an alcoholic. What's next, Coke?"

Sara laughed. "No Uncle George, if I ever wanted some though I could probably ask one of your law buddies."

That shut him up really quickly.

Cathy spoke up. "Oh my god, making all of those lady fingers yesterday reminds me of making them for all the weddings. Alyssa I can't believe yours was almost five years ago."

"It's been too long since we had a wedding." Scott sighed. "I must say the Wozniak's know how to throw a party." He looked at Sara. "I can't wait for it to be your turn. You always know how to get the party started."

"Yes we all know she had a lot of practice at UCLA while wasting it on that psychology degree." Willa stated.

"You know I also minored in Fine Arts too right?"

Ryan, Brent's brother cut in. "That's awesome though, hey I couldn't do that to save my life. Some people are good at science and some at arts. What makes the world go around" He smiled at Sara and she finally felt like someone was in her corner.

Mike cut in. "I don't think I'll ever have to worry about Sara bringing home a guy. She's learned her lessons from all the losers she's dated. She's perfectly happy being on her own."

Well fuck you dad.

"Well when Sara does get married, it's going to be a beautiful lavish affair. It's going to be full of celebrities. Oh Sara, please invite Celine Dion!"

"Mom, I don't even know Celine Dion. I can't just ask her to come to my wedding."

"Less money I'm going to have to dish out." Mike muttered.

Sara stabbed at her salad. "Yeah you saved so much money for not paying for my college."

Willa stood up for her brother. "Can you blame him? You got lucky getting discovered with that show. Otherwise you'd be a secretary working for your dad's company."

Katie wanted to change topics. "So did I tell you that I signed Tristian up for flag football?" The group, eager to switch topics all were amazed by this fact. "Yes, he was watching the Steelers and wants to be like Kenny Pickett."

Charles looked at Sara. "Hey, you could get him a jersey and some tickets for Christmas."

Sara smiled and said she would do anything for her nieces and nephews. "I would love to. "

Brittany saw that her aunt was about to open her mouth again. "Scott and I have an announcement." She and her husband stood up. Katie, Alyssa, and Sara all looked at each other with knowing smiles on their faces. "Eliza will be a big sister in June!"

Everyone jumped up in happiness. Cathy cried, excited to be an eighth time grandmother. Sara hugged both Brittany and Scott. She knew that they wanted a big family and before Eliza they had two miscarriages that were hard on them. So they deserved this. The atmosphere changed to a lighter mood as they talked about the upcoming baby. They all had their predictions. (Mostly everyone thought it was a boy.)

They got through the rest of dinner and dessert. The family decided to have a game night while the kids fell asleep due to the food overload.

Sara had to admit she had a blast, her family was close and fun (when aunt Willa and uncle George weren't involved.)

It was a little past one am when they decided to turn in. Everyone once again brought up the fun day they had planned without her.

She headed downstairs and got ready for bed replaying the insults that Willa hurled at her. She understood that while her family would talk shit about their fathers sister. They allowed her to bully all of them and tolerate it because she was her dad's only relative. Why couldn't her mom's many siblings and their kids ever join them? At least they were more fun and didn't treat Sara like she was scum on the bottom of the shoe.

She messaged Justin that she hoped he had a good Thanksgiving with his family. He replied back which was shocking that he loved her and that he hoped that her family didn't put her down too much.

They went back and forth a few times before Sara fell asleep to get ready for the chaos of looking over seven kids by herself.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

Justin had to plan for Christmas.

His mother and father were out shopping, and it wasn't til they mentioned Christmas that he realized he was so far behind.

He usually only bought it for his parents and siblings, as well as the team. But this year he had a girl in his life, one that meant alot to him. So he wanted to make it special.

He did the basic decorating, he did have a tree. But he didn't put it up last year because of the little menace he called Nova kept trying to climb it.

He was on his laptop while the television was playing game footage.

He thought about what she would like. Jewelry? Perfume? Lingerie? Well let's face it, that would be for him.

He knew Sara didn't care about materialistic things but he wanted to get her some nice things. He tried to rack his brain for some designer brands she wore. There was Balmain? Michael Kors did a shoot for them so he knew of them. She did mention about working out, maybe he could get some Nike gear for her.

He knew she shared his love for Oregon and enjoyed her time there. So he racked his brain for an idea. He sat there staring off into space for a few minutes before an idea popped into his mind. He grabbed his phone and began to scroll through his contacts. It was a personal number used for special clients like Justin. He felt bad for using it the day after a Holiday, but once the guy picked up he assured him it was no big deal and that he could work on the piece ASAP. It was expensive, more than what he would usually spend on someone. But Sara was worth it.

He told the guy his idea and Tony said he would draw up some sketches and send them to him within a couple of days.

They hung up, Justin felt good and confident in this gift. It wasn't going to be her only one, but it was the most important and sentimental.

And while the thought of her overwhelming fame terrified him. He was going to push that aside.

—----------------------------------------------------------

Did Sara want kids? Yes.

Did she want a big family? Maybe, she always thought about three or four at the most?

Did she love and adore her nieces and nephews? Yes, she would take a bullet for them.

But damn was this overwhelming. She woke up to the family heading out the door while giving last minute instructions for the toddlers and baby. Tristian and Charlie, being five and older, just wanted to play video games, thankfully Katie packed their IPads. It's funny, because she swore her kids would never be IPad kids, but she sure as shit was thankful they had them

Their twin sisters Jessica and Samantha, were three and they demanded attention, as well as Theo. When he woke up he was asking for Brent and Sara had to remind him he was not home and wouldn't be for a week.

Insert chaos.

Theo went into a full meltdown, which in turn woke up his baby sister for a feeding, in turn Eliza was crying. Try feeding a six month old while trying to console a two year old. Then the twins needed food. She set everyone down at the table and had to yell at Tristian and Charlie to leave the electronics in the living room.

She took requests. The boys wanted eggs, while the twins wanted French toast. After placing a large order from the local breakfast house ( no way she was cooking) everyone was at the table eating while Sara fed and changed Kenzie and also spoon fed Eliza her baby food. She looked at the time on the stove and saw it was only 10am.

Once breakfast was done and trash was thrown out, in which she had to bribe Charlie to watch the kids for two minutes. Theo began asking for his dad once again. When she tried to distract the toddler she could see another meltdown forming so she got her phone to facetime Brent. She didn't know what his schedule was or where he was at but god she hoped he was paying attention to his phone.

She saw his face appear on the screen and she took a sigh of relief. "Hey Sara what is the matte-"

"Daddy!" Theo came running and she scooped him up on her lap so he could see. "Hey little man! What's up!"

Theo, expressed how much he missed him and Sara could see how much Brent softened seeing his son. It made her own heart melt. They all spoke and once it seemed Theo was satisfied, well falling asleep. Sara put him down for a nap as well as the twins. Kenzie was on the jungle map and the boys were occupied, so was Eliza.

"Why are you with all the kids?" Brent questioned. Sara rolled her eyes. "Because everyone else is having couple time."

"Why did Alyssa go?" Sara shook her head. "I guess she needed a break."

"That's not fair for them to ask you to watch seven children."

She nodded. "Yeah. But I don't get to spend much time with the little monsters so I guess I'll let it slide. But I'm not doing it next year when Brittany has her baby."

Brent laughed. "Yeah Alyssa told me. Who knows next year you can join us for our nights out."

Sara smiled. "We will see."

"Alyssa told me what happened at dinner with Aunt Willa. Forget about her, she is a bitch."

"Ooh Uncle Brent you swore!" Leave it to Tristan to walk in at the right Moment.

"You heard nothing from me kid if you want that hockey stick." That shut him up really quickly. He spoke once Sara gave him the nod the kid was out of the room. "But seriously, I don't understand why this family lets her be like that. She bullies everyone, but especially you."

"Trust me you have been in this family since middle school. You know everyone hates her, but she's my dad's only sibling and the only family he has left."

Brent shook his head. "Doesn't matter. She just turns good chaos into bad chaos."

Sara nodded. "Remember when you guys broke up while you were in Chicago? She was setting Alyssa up with every guy in the area"

Brent laughed. "Remember the look on her face when I showed up to her house after we got back together?"

They busted our laughing remembering that night a little too well. Sara wished him luck on his game and she would be watching along with Theo and the others.

When she hung up Eliza waddled over and did her grabby hands. Sara picked up and pestered her face with kisses. She felt her phone ring again and saw that it was Justin. Picking up she saw his face that he was confused that there was another face. "Um hi?"

"Hi honey." She smiled. She bounced Eliza on her lap. "This is my niece Eliza, she can keep a secret, don't worry. Can you say hi Liz?" The baby held up her hand and Justin smiled as he watched his girlfriend kiss the baby's chubby cheek. It gave him ideas.

"You look exhausted." She laughed. "Gee thanks"

"I'm serious babe. You lost some weight but you look malnourished."

She playfully glared at him. "You a doctor or something?" He gave her a 'are you serious' look and she laughed. "Have you eaten?" She looked at the time, it was 1pm . "No actually I haven't had a sip of water or a bite to eat! I've been looking after seven kids all day."

Justin shook his head. "Eat. Please. And have some water." He saw her set the phone down and get up and grab a bottle of water. Once she sat down she tried to set Eliza down but the she started to whine so Sara picked her back up. Once she unscrewed the water the baby tried to grab it from her hands. Sara held the water out of reach. He heard another baby voice. "Aunt Sasa I'm thirsty and he assumed she handed the bottle to the little kid. "See? No time for anything. If I tried to get some food right now they would be bothering me"

"I'm hungy!" She nodded. "Okay Theo what do you want? You want Dino nuggets?"

"Oh Aunt Sara do we have any leftover stuffing?" Before Justin could say anything Sara was surrounded by kids. "Look ill call you later" the phone went black before he could say anything.

Sara heard Kenzie crying and grabbed her from the playpen and quickly changed her. The twins woke up from their nap and wanted to dance so she put on Disney tunes and she bounced around with them while she prepared lunch. Eliza was clingy and wouldn't leave Sara's side, but then Jessica got jealous, and then Samantha was upset that her twin was getting attention.

Sara made a mental reminder not to watch all of them ever again.

Once lunch was taken care of. She set everyone down to watch a movie. While she was holding Kenzie (Eliza and the twins fell asleep.) Charlie sat next to Sara on the couch and cuddled up to her. While she loved everyone, she had a special bond with Charlie, he was the first born and was the center of Sara’s world until his siblings and other cousins came along. He was expected to go to the wayside while his other siblings needed more care. That was the downside of being the oldest. She supposed that was how Katie felt growing up. She knew he was jealous that the others were soaking up the attention. "You need to come around more often. I miss you."

She ruffled his hair. "I know kiddo, I'm sorry."

"Are you coming for Christmas?"

"I don't know yet, but I will be by you guys for your Birthday in June. I'll take you on a special day. Me and you, no pesky younger siblings and I'll get ya a little cake so you can blow out the candles by yourself." She whispered that last part. He smiled and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Aunt Sara?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you not have any kids?"

She laughed and ruffled his hair.

—----------------------------------------------------‐—---

The rest of the day went smoothly. She took everyone to the basement to play some kiddie games. She had made sure to tire them out so when the parents returned home everyone had bathe and was in their sleeping arrangements. "Holy cow, the house is clean, kids are sleeping and you're alive. You are too damn good. I'll pay you to move in with us." Charles said as everyone laughed.

"Yes its a shame she's wasting all of her fertile years." Uncle George remarked and as usual, the happy mood was spoiled by the drags of the family.

Sara got up from the couch and felt a little dizziness and realized again she hadn't eaten and had a few sips of water. "I need to eat something." She headed over to the kitchen and began to make a plate.

Her mother followed her while the others went upstairs. "Hey so your sisters and I are going shopping tomorrow. Come with us and we will have a girls day."

Sara put the leftovers in the microwave. "I'd like that."

"9am sharp." Her mom walked out.

"Love you too mom" She muttered.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

Your family really made you watch seven kids? All under the age if seven?" Justin was in awe as they spoke later in the night. She was in the bathroom sitting on the tubs edge.

He saw how tired she was and no matter how many times he tried to lecture her to get some sleep she kept telling him she wanted to talk to him and the lack of sleep was worth it.

"Fuck I can't wait to see you Monday" She breathed. "It's been too long,"

Justin smirked. "Baby we are not leaving the bedroom when I see you."

She groaned. "I'm going to suck you dry."

He moaned. "Baby please."

"I'll have a home cooked meal and dessert on my body for you to lick off when you win."

"Okay we need to stop before I need to jerk off. I don't want to ruin it."

"Ruin what?"

"The first time I nut in you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh please do not buy him that!" Katie protested as Sara threw the marshmallow launcher in the cart.

They had woken up and gotten breakfast before mani and pedis. They were now shopping up and down the major streets. A few fans approached her asking for pictures and autographs. She did ask a few not to record her family as they walked down the street and said that she was taking no more autographs and pictures. She was sure the video would end up on some social media platform.

The guys were home with the kids and Uncle George and Aunt Willa. It was her, her mom, and sisters. It was nice to have the girl time, something they hadn't had in a while.

Sara laughed. "Hey I'm not the favorite aunt for no reason. Any gifts my nephews want that would piss you off I'm for sure getting them."

Brittany was looking at the maternity section, despite already having a bunch of maternity clothes. Cathy and Sara were looking at Christmas decorations. "Oh Sara you should get these nutcrackers for your fireplace in the basement."

They were ugly but Sara didn't want to tell her mother that. "Yeah ill think about it."

"Oh my god I have the best idea! How about for Christmas we have it by you!" It took a moment for Sara to realize her mother was talking about her. "Wait what?"

Katie chimed in. "Ooh that would be amazing! Enjoying the sun, going somewhere warm instead of dealing with the snow."

"The best part is Aunt Willa wouldn't go because she hates California." The girls laughed. "Oh girls that is terrible." Cathy tried to scold.

Sara smiled. "Please mom, that was one of the reasons you even suggested it." Cathy smiled into her coffee and she knew she was right.

They continued with their shopping. All of then laughing and gossiping. "Oh Sara so while we were out I was talking to Trevor." The girls groaned. "Mom he's gay-" Cathy cut off Brittany. "There is a chance! You can't turn gay after having a fiance! He's probably just hurt and confused.

Sara rolled her eyes. "And I'm supposed to be his rebound savior, Gee thanks mom."

"You two would he cute together and you grew up together. He always liked you."

" that's why he was silent while his friends bullied me and tortured me in high school. Yeah okay."

Cathy sighed. "I wished you would let that go. Also I don't appreciate how you spoke with Aunt Willa. I'm just trying to keep the peace."

"By letting her walk all over everyone okay." She pushed the cart ahead. Not wanting to have this argument.

Still her mom pushed forward. "Sara I just want peace, and you always have to just start tension."

"Mom I don't want to talk about it. I promise I'll stay out of her way."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

And she tried her best.

Saturday evening was okay. It seemed everyone was in good spirits and they devoured cookies and leftovers while watching Brent's team play in San Jose. They pointed out to Theo everytime they showed Brent on screen.

Afterwards Ryan and Sara were in the basement and taught Charlie and Tristian the basics of piano. The rest of the family joined and while Sara played, they sang Christmas carols

It was a good night. Everything was going well.

Until Sunday.

During breakfast. Sara noticed Aunt Willa was on the phone probably with her daughter Kelsi, who was just as spoiled as her mother. Willa was upset that Sara couldn't hook Kelsi up with a modeling gig. First of all, Kelsi was not up to industry standards. Second, Kelsi was a PR nightmare. Sara didn't even follow her on socials because of the downright offensive posts she would share.

It just wasn't worth it.

She was quiet the rest of breakfast. But she was going her passive aggressive sighs.

It wasn't til lunch when George and Willa mentioned Kelsi's name

"Kelsi is in jail."

There was a gasp among the room. Sara could only roll her eyes. It wasn't that much of a surprise. This wasn't her first run in with the law.

"What is she in jail for? And how much is bail?"

Aunt Willa sighed. "Well this isn't her first run in and it is aggravated assault. But I'm sure there was a good reason."

Another eye roll from Sara. Her father sighed. "Well tell me the amount and I'll send it to you."

Sara couldn't hold back. "You got to be fucking kidding me?"

Everyone looked over at her in shock. Mike was glaring at her. "Sara."

"I'm just saying. Uncle George was just bragging about that new yacht he bought. Surely he can put up the money."

It just wasn't worth it.

She was quiet the rest of breakfast. But she was going her passive aggressive sighs.

It wasn't til lunch when George and Willa mentioned Kelsi's name

"Kelsi is in jail."

There was a gasp among the room. Sara could only roll her eyes. It wasn't that much of a surprise. This wasn't her first run in with the law.

"What is she in jail for? And how much is bail?"

Aunt Willa sighed. "Well this isn't her first run in and it is aggravated assault. But I'm sure there was a good reason."

Another eye roll from Sara. Her father sighed. "Well tell me the amount and I'll send it to you."

Sara couldn't hold back. "You got to be fucking kidding me?"

Everyone looked over at her in shock. Mike was glaring at her. "Sara."

"I'm just saying. Uncle George was just bragging about that new yacht he bought. Surely he can put up the money."

She could have sworn Aunt Willa wanted to jump across the table and strangle her. "That's what family does. You wouldn't know the definition because you don't appreciate yours. After everything your father does for you."

"Oh yeah, I paid for my own education, and got my shit together. Unlike your daughter."

Willa slammed her hand on the table. "Oh you think you are so brave for some little gig you got. You'd be some poor little pauper if it wasn't for that."

Sara was pissed. "Why the fuck are you here? Every year you and Uncle George come here to cut everyone up. No one wants you here but they won't say it?"

Uncle George got involved. "You have some nerve little girl. My brother law did everything for you and you have a big mouth. If you were my kid I'd beat you black and blue."

Mike was silent during the whole exchange. Sara looked at him. "Come on dad I know she's your sister but she always does this! Cut everyone up and puts me down! For no reason!"

"Now listen you little bitch!" Cathy stood up, knocking over the glass. "Don't you call my child that you stupid little-"

Tristian walked up the yelling adults. "Uncle Brent told Aunt Sasa on the phone that Aunt Willa was a bitch.

Now shit hit the fan. Everyone started yelling. Sara began to walk away until Aunt Willa grabbed her wrist in front of her brother. "I told your brother having you was a mistake. You should have followed through with your attempt in high school"

Tears stung her eyes. She looked over at her dad who didn't say anything. "Really dad? That was supposed to be confidential? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Mike clenched his jaw. "You shouldn't have started it."

Her jaw dropped. She knew her dad was a pushover, but for this?

"You know what Mike? Since you never were around while I was growing up. You won't be around to see me get older either. Just forget about me." She ran downstairs and grabbed her bags. She did a quick search for everything. Grabbing her phone she was thankful that there were many ubers out and about. Seeing one coming down the street on the map she came upstairs.

Cathy walked towards her. "Sara please your father."

"I don't want to hear it. You can forget Christmas. " Aunt Willa was behind her. "You should have shut your mouth little girl. You maybe a Hollywood big shot now but you are always a attention seeking snot nosed brat "

"Shut up Willa you bitch." Cathy's attention turned towards her sister in law. Sara took that as her chance to escape.

Running outside, she hopped into the uber. Thankfully he was an older man who didn't seem go care if she was famous or not.

Her sisters house faded away in the distance and Sara couldn't be more relieved. She was ready to get home and go to people who truly loved and cared about her.

Home to Justin.

A.N This is a heavy one, but its important for later on. Let me know what yall think!

#Justin Herbert #nfl imagine #alexa writes collide #sara and justin canon #nfl imagines

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buntsukim · 5 months

Text

ive been really rlly stressed lately aaagggghhhhh

so uhh mini thing bc i dont understand how pcs work and i need help 🙃

so my laptop right it isnt charging. we replaced the charger a while ago when it broke so its anither thing. (from my understanding i didnt do anything but idk. maybe i did)

so it isnt charging. when i plug the charger it either has no reaction at all, or the loghts on it start blinking (bc jt has a blue light for being turned on and an orange light for charging, and they both just start blinking)

and i have noooo idea why it isnt charging and ive searched it up and google is telling me nothing qnd idk what to do to be honest. im kind of just. thinking

im signing up for online classes so i kind of need my laptop and if its broken again i cannotttt afford repairs so erm help

#cade talks #mine #guys im dying #kinda scared of posting this bc what if its rlly easy of an issue and im just dumb 😓

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somewhat-insane · 5 months

Text

Shadows of the Beach: Chapter Three

Here's the masterpost

Belated Meetings

Pairing: Ao Lie/Sun Wukong/Macaque

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Tags: Idiot gays being idiots and gay, Playful Banter, Teasing, Awkwardness, Jealousy, Mildly Unreliable Narrator

A/N: I'm super sorry this took so long, my laptop charger broke and then editing took a lot longer than I anticipated BUT, luckily for all of you, this is a big(ger) one. About 4,000 words over what I usually try to post. Plus, we get some cute moments between Wukong and Macaque AND we finally get to meet Ao Lie!! Oh! Plus, there's a reference to OSP's JTTW recaps!

In all honesty, Macaque probably should’ve seen this coming.

Or, heard, at the very least, as the large army donned in heavy celestial armor wasn’t exactly known for their silence when marching.

But, of course, a certain someone couldn’t stay quiet to save his life, not when he was as wound up as this, at least.

And for some reason, Macaque found himself tuning into Wukong’s rambled words, his glowing ears angled back towards the king, flicking as they picked up the distant sound of hurried footsteps but, uncharacteristically, the dark-furred monkey hadn’t thought anything of it, too wrapped up in his thoughts about what was being said to him.

Originally, Macaque had planned to listen and try to figure out the patterns the guards followed. He didn’t communicate this plan to Wukong but he feels that even if he had it wouldn’t have stopped the other from straying from it. And as far as Macaque was aware that would count as a new personal record for how quickly Wukong could stray from a plan.

Listening, apparently, was kind of difficult when your very unstealthy companion won’t stop rambling about how he’s going to “take you and Ao Lie for coffee” and then he gets sidetracked talking about how “wait, no, Ao Lie doesn’t like coffee” and how “it would be better to go for cheese tea,” even though “Ao Lie hasn’t tried cheese tea before- or milk tea. I wonder what he’ll think about it.”

“Quiet,” Macaque had hissed, smacking Wukong upside the head. This was, admittedly, a pointless endeavor but he did enjoy seeing the way Wukong pouted which Macaque definitely didn’t think was cute, and if anyone said otherwise Macaque would kill them.

He should’ve known from experience that Wukong wouldn’t listen. He never did. No matter how many times Macaque tried to warn him about something when they were younger, Wukong would always insist that Macaque was just being a “grumbletonian.” Now he just called him a buzzkill. Those shows Wukong liked to watch were surely the cause of Wukong’s declining vocabulary, but with the memes MK had been sending, Macaque wasn’t much better these days either.

Had you asked, Macaque would’ve told you–not without ample snark in his tone–that Wukong was just far too annoying and loud to tune out. But he knew his subconscious reasoning for listening to the other ran deeper than that. Perhaps the familiarity had been alluring enough that he found himself falling into old habits, or maybe Macaque was still in the mindset of trying to find Wukong’s weaknesses and was listening in the hopes that something would slip.

You could argue over the real reason forever but, either way, the baseline was that Macaque had been… distracted. Loathe as he did to admit it.

The monkey’s dark tail flicked at the air behind him as he tried to ignore how reminiscent this felt compared to past missions with Wukong. When they were younger. This was different though. He had to remind himself of that.

Back then he convinced Wukong to let him tag along specifically because he cared about his king and would do anything he could to ensure his safe return, but now he tagged along so MK wouldn’t be abandoned again (as much as Macaque insisted Wukong was still bad company, the kid cared for the fool and Macaque was weak when it came to what MK wanted.)

And if Macaque also got to death glare Ao Lie when they finally found him; that was just a bonus. And it definitely, definitely wasn’t because he was jealous. Because that would imply he had something to be jealous of, and that definitely wasn’t true because he didn’t even want to be able to run his fingers through Wukong’s soft, golden fur like old times, and- … Okay, Macaque wasn’t really helping his case here.

When Macaque couldn’t convince Wukong not to travel to the celestial realm alone, he insisted Wukong at least let him come along to help him sneak around. (Additionally, when Wukong insisted he was ‘the Great Sage Equal to Heaven’ and prattled on about not needing to sneak around, Macaque was there to roll his eyes and point out that the celestial realm was most likely a bit scattered after the Jade Emperor’s death and might not be too receptive of visitors right now, especially not the likes of Wukong. (Wukong was incredibly offended by this.) Macaque even brought up the fact that they might try to pin the emperor's death on Wukong himself and while Macaque wouldn’t necessarily blame them, it would make things a deal more complicated.)

Having a more advanced range of hearing and the ability to travel by shadow greatly increased the chance they would get out of this without Wukong getting trapped under a mountain again, no matter how funny that would be to Macaque.

Idly, he wondered how the court would go about punishing Wukong in the emperor’s absence. Not that the emperor was very key in punishing Wukong in the first place. (Wukong would beg to differ, the furnace may not have killed him but being stuck in there was absolute hell, and he would know.) He wondered if they could even punish him.

Of course, unlike some people, Macaque wasn’t foolish enough to entertain such a thought process and swiftly banished it to focus on more important things. Such as, their current predicament: being surrounded by celestial guards in the courtyard with sharp-looking spears pointed at them, which Wukong mused was oddly reminiscent of the ‘warm’ reception he got at the Dragon Palace of the East Sea.

If he wasn’t in such a jittery mood, he might’ve made a joke about looking so tasty everyone wanted to turn him into a kebob. Which surely would’ve rewarded him a punch in the face from Macaque.

Surprisingly, Macaque noticed, Wukong didn’t immediately lash out at them as he had expected. Macaque had prepared himself to have to be the voice of reason and keep Wukong from going on a murdering spree; something he was all too keen to do when he was younger. But, for once, Wukong was still.

Well, mostly. Out of the corner of his eye, Macaque could see the way Wukong’s tail twitched impatiently, annoyed at this interruption in their plan but not necessarily surprised. And Macaque could tell Wukong was weighing his options, kill all the guards and find Ao Lie sooner but risk being punished or be patient and not find Ao Lie sooner but don’t get punished.

It was, indeed, a toughy.

Macaque must admit he was impressed by how much progress Wukong had made in controlling his impulses.

Of course, he wasn’t about to tell Wukong that. Ever. That joke of a man soaked up praise like a sponge. And if he knew Macaque thought anything even remotely positive about him, Wukong’d never let him live it down.

The celestial armies had grown a lot less afraid of Wukong after his journey had tamed him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still capable of all that destruction that had once been whispered about behind closed doors and in banquets as kings bemoaned the status they had lost as a result of Wukong killing thousands of their men.

Not that they hadn’t deserved it, Macaque thought, but blood was always so hard to clean out of Wukong’s fur. Especially considering he was ticklish and would squirm out of Macaque’s hold.

It was like trying to wash a cat.

Speaking of Wukong, said monkey took a deep breath in through his nose, closing his eyes to allow himself a moment of composure–something his master had tought him, no doubt–before he opened his eyes and plastered a strained grin onto his face that probably only added to the intimidation factor by making Wukong look unhinged. Though, that was probably his intent the entire time, “Fellas! Great to see you!”

His words earned nothing more than glares from behind helmets.

“Aw, why the cold shoulder? I thought we were all good!” Wukong pouts theatrically, making Macaque sigh and facepalm, grumbling a string of curses to himself. How did he constantly find himself in these situations? With Wukong no less. And they called him the theater kid, Macaque lamented, running his fingers through his dark fur as he took it upon himself to study the guards around them for weakness. One of the two monkeys had to pretend not to be an idiot, after all.

Despite their attempts to hide it and seem composed, Macaque noticed some of the guards sharing nervous glances.

Wukong, the self-absorbed jerk he was, noticed this and couldn’t help but puff his chest out pridefully at the effect he had on the guards, happy his reputation still rang strong within certain groups. His fur ruffled like the feathers of a proud mother hen, and Macaque found himself rolling his eyes almost affectionately at the familiar sight.

One of the guards went to speak up after a moment, clearing their throat and straightening their posture, adjusting the spear in their hands and keeping it pointed noticeably at Macaque instead of Wukong.

The idea that they would threaten Macaque to keep Wukong in line made the golden-furred monkey’s stomach twist uncomfortably as he grit his teeth, his tail lashing behind him. Despite whatever bad blood still rested within the unspoken words hanging between them, Wukong still didn’t like dragging people into his messes, and that included Macaque.

Admittedly, the tactic was smart, but he couldn’t help but wonder how they knew it would bother him so much. Though, of course, they were probably still working on outdated information from when Wukong and Macaque had been an inseparable duo. He had to swallow down his emotions to keep from spiraling, attempting to focus on the guard’s gruff voice, “What business do you have here, demons?”

With a still-furrowed brow, Wukong forced his scowl down into another grin that looked more like a grimace as he attempted a low whistle through his clenched teeth, “Demons, ey? ‘S been a while since anyone called me a demon. My name was always seen to be far more terrifying.”

Macaque didn’t say anything, just leveling Wukong with an unimpressed glare, something Wukong pouted in response to, though there was something playful about it as his tail swayed, his faux grin falling as he switched tactics, rolling his shoulders back and humming contentedly in response to the satisfying pop he was rewarded with, the noise making Macaque’s ear twitch and, at some point alone the line, his gaze had drifted away from the guards and to Wukong, studying his form that, to the untrained eye would seem casual and confident, but Macaque saw the small telltale signs that said otherwise.

Offering an exaggerated sigh, Wukong leaned against Macaque, much to the shadow monkey’s chagrin, “Oh, how cruelly the world doth treat us, my friend.”

Rolling his eyes, mildly amused with Wukong’s theatrics, Macaque let his companion continue, seeing it as the idle distraction it was. This, at least, Macaque remembered, and he was slightly amused it hadn’t changed. Essentially, Wukong was making a plan. And while he wasn’t the best at doing so, Macaque had to admit he was curious enough to entertain him in this. Just this once, he told himself, despite remembering thinking the same thing many years ago

Shifting his gaze to the nearest guard, Wukong spoke once again, “If you lot must know, we’re here to see Ne Zha.”

The guard that had had the guts to speak responded with a deep frown, the corners of his mouth creasing and Wukong could just barely see the muscles in his jaw twitch as he grit his teeth. Seems like this one was easily irritated, Wukong observed, trying to hide the mischievous grin that threatened to form on his face as the guard continued, “And what business-”

Wukong groaned, covering his mouth with his hand to hide his grin even as his tail swayed with amusement, something Macaque easily picked up on and, while he admired the dedication to the craft, he was left to wonder when Wukong grew patient enough to pull such tricks instead of just punching through all of his problems. Sure, Wukong had been confident before, but he was confident in the way that he would thoughtlessly challenge the Buddha instead of thinking things through. He always ended up succumbing to stage fright whenever he was supposed to act on something other than his impulses.

“Look, I don’t have time for this so let’s cut to the chase,” Wukong huffed, crossing his arms after he had finally schooled his expression into a frown, “if you let me, Sun Wukong, the Great Sage,” Macaque rolled his eyes at the name drop; as if the guards weren’t already well aware of who they were dealing with and what he could do, Macaque thought sarcastically, “and my friend, the six-eared Macaque,” this part gave Macaque pause as he wasn’t expecting to be included in Wukong’s attempts to intimidate them and he definitley wasn’t expecting to be referred to as a friend.

“go about our business, we won’t kill you…” he paused, pursing his lips and squinting his eyes in thought, “probably.”

Macaque huffed out a dry laugh, finally playing along with Wukong by letting a sharp-toothed grin spread over his face.

“Speak for yourself,” he purred maliciously as he made eye contact with one of the guards, letting his eyes flash violet for a moment as he relished in the way they tensed and fumbled with their weapon.

He felt Wukong’s tail brush against his leg as the appendage swayed more adamantly, not doing much to hide Wukong’s joy at the moment. Whether it was because Macaque was joining in or just because of the way the guard acted, Macaque didn’t know. Nor did he want to.

Normally, Macaque would’ve shot Wukong a glare for touching him, but instead, he just gave an almost fond sigh as he shook his head.

Okay, maybe he understood why Wukong liked doing this. They were all just so easy to scare, it was honestly hilarious. Macaque’s thoughts were interrupted as another voice cut into the tense silence.

“We know who you are,” one brave-sounding guard said, looking ready to thrust his spear into Wukong’s chest.

Wukong hummed in amusement. Brave, but dumb, he noted, as that guard was one of the only ones pointing their spear at Wukong instead of Macaque. Obviously, they hadn’t done their research. Not that they would’ve needed to. It’d been a long time since he’d genuinely attacked the celestial realm… unless you counted stealing the map which he still insisted was necessary and no one died which was… impressive to say the least considering it was something Wukong was involved in. Welp, Wukong thought, might as well use this guard to teach the others a lesson.

In one swift movement, Wukong moved to be closer to the guard and grabbed the spear, yanking it so the guard stumbled forward. Wukong let the glamours fall from his eyes, the ominous red glow bouncing off of the helmet and the wide eyes of the being in front of him.

“And what exactly do you think this little toy is going to do to me?” Wukong spoke, his voice menacingly deep in a way that would shake someone right down to their core. Just the sound of it even had Macaque’s fur standing on end, though, possibly not from fear. Wukong grabbed the guard’s head to keep them still as he tore the spear from their grip, spinning it in his hold so the business end would be pointed directly at them. But before Wukong could plunge it into their skull, the sound of a familiar voice ringing out across the courtyard made him freeze.

“Halt!” it had called out.

The golden-furred monkey sucked in a sharp, almost pained-sounding breath through his teeth. And while Macaque and Wukong hadn’t been friends for centuries and had long since lost the ability to tell just with a look what the other was thinking, it wasn’t hard to guess what that reaction meant.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me…” Wukong grumbled as he turned on his heel to regard the figure stomping towards them with a dog at his heels, his aggressive nature startling some of the guards who immediately parted to allow the imposing figure and his companion to step into the circle they had ‘trapped’ the two spiritual primates in.

“Erlang!” Wukong chimed through grit teeth, “How’ve you been old friend?”

“I assure you we are nothing of the sort, simian,” Erlang huffed haughtily, turning his nose up at Wukong in disgust, “for your benefit, I hope you have a valid reason for threatening my guards.”

“Mmm, yeah, see, you’re just gonna love this. Super funny story really I-” Wukong was about to respond sarcastically but paused, pursing his lips and furrowing his brow as he took in Erlang’s disheveled appearance, his hair unkempt and bags under his eyes, even keeping up his regal posture appeared to be exhausting to him.

Despite the incredibly small pang of sympathy he felt toward the guy, Wukong couldn’t help but snort in amusement, whatever he was planning to say immediately leaving his brain, “did your gold fish get away or something?”

An amused grin played on Macaque’s lips in response to Wukong’s reference to “Guan-I-woke-up-like-this-yin”.

Erlang lacked the grace Guanyin had even in those moments though.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Erlang sighed with clear annoyance at the situation unfolding before him. An understandable reaction to being in Wukong’s presence, Macaque mused, his grin still present.

“For the love of- I do not have time for your pathetic attempts at humor, monkey,” Erlang growled. And Wukong couldn’t help but wonder if Erlang found himself humorous, because if that was the case, well, Wukong had some news to give him.

“Clearly,” Wukong responded, gesturing to Erlang’s… everything.

With an incredibly irritated sigh, Erlang crossed his arms.

“Not that it concerns you,” Erlang grits out, eye twitching in irritation, “but not only have I been trying to clean up Azure’s mess–which I can only assume you had ample part in–but I also have to take over some of my uncle’s previous duties for the foreseeable future. Which, even with his power locked away, are not things that should be taken lightly.”

“Right, right, for sure,” Wukong hummed, nodding along but making it very clear he wasn’t actually listening, “so, obviously you have better things to do than deal with two michevious little monkeys, and we should just waltz on through and-”

Wukong was cut off as the guards all step closer to the pair, their spears glinting in the light and making Macaque subconsciously step closer to Wukong, bumping their shoulders together, making both of them tense at the contact.

Something about this was far too reminiscent and the two immediately stepped away.

Glancing at Macaque, Wukong’s tail twitched as if wanting to curl around him in some form. When they were younger, he always had to be touching Macaque in some way, shape, or form, be it holding his hand and tugging him along or wrapping his tail around his ankle, wrist or tail. It was just instinct though and Wukong had to remind himself of that. He had to remind himself he didn’t want to be touching Macaque and even if he did, he couldn’t. The wall between them had very briefly been breached–on accident, mind you–but it was already being very quickly rebuilt. Stronger, this time.

“I’m afraid I can not let you do that,” Erlang finally responded, arms folded behind his back.

Wukong huffed, his grin growing more strained by the second as he kept his eyes on the spears closest to Macaque. While Macaque was ageless, he could still be harmed and killed. And for some odd reason, Wukong refused to let that happen again. He also refused to think about it too much.

“Yeah?” Wukong laughed humorlessly, unglamoured eyes glaring at the guards, “and why’s that?”

“To let two of the most notorious trouble-makers roam the celestial realm freely during the current circumstances would be incredibly stupid.”

“Good thing you’re incredibly stupid then,” Wukong grumbled before sighing, “look, man…”

Erlang’s eye twitched at being addressed so informally by the monkey but he let it slide, if only so he could try and get the two out of the celestial realm as soon as possible.

“We just want to talk to Ne Zha,” Wukong continued, going for civil and unassuming. Succeeding about as well as you’d expect someone with his reputation could.

Erlang’s eyes narrow, “the celestial realm has fallen prey to your tricks far too many times, monkey, I plan to bring an end to that.”

“Pfft- don’t flatter yourself.”

Unsurprisingly, this earns Wukong a glare from Erlang. He expected a glare from Macaque as well but… Macaque had his hand over his mouth and an arm wrapped around his torso as he basically vibrated as he tried to contain his laughter. Well, at least he was enjoying himself, Wukong thought, trying not to show the pride that bubbled up inside of him at being able to make the other laugh though, for a moment he did consider the possibility that Macaque was, per usual, laughing at him but that was something that could wait until later.

“I would not suggest letting your hubris get the best of you. Currently,” Erlang hums, summoning a spear and expertly twirling it in his hold, “you are on… ideal terms with the celestial realm after your companionship with the great monk. Your friend… less so after that little stunt he pulled with the Lady Bone Demon.” This made Macaque’s fur bristle and he had half the mind to correct the celestial but he still held his tongue, knowing, from having read the Journey to the West, that Erlang was a force to be reckoned with. Wukong, despite his teasing nature, clearly knew this too as he stayed silent and allowed Erlang to finish his point, a grace Wukong was not willing to grant to many. “Even so, I assure you no harm will come to either of you if you return to the mortal realm. You are not the only immortals who are being kept out for the foreseeable future.”

“Ah, right,” Wukong hums, “gotta keep that Jade Emporer power safe, hmm? Can’t have someone stealing it. Especially not a little, harmless, monkey. I mean, that’s why you have to keep us out, right? Because otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to stand a chance against us.”

Erlang narrowed his eyes, “Keeping you out is a precaution, we are more than capable of detaining you again if it comes to it. It’s a very thin sense of respect that keeps us from doing so anyway.”

Wukong hummed, though it was clear in the way his brow creased that the idea of being trapped again struck a cord within him. His fingers twitched at his side and he ached for the weight of his staff in his hands. He wasn’t powerless by any means of the word, but it always felt nice to have a weapon he was confident in wielding. His fists were always a good substitute though.

“We would trap you under a mountain again long before we let something happen,” Erlang reiterated, mildly aware of the effect his words had on Wukong. Defiance and pride sparked through his eyes as he barely held back from snarking about how Wukong had lost his edge after all these years.

“Hmm, well, in that case…” Wukong’s brow furrowed as he closed his eyes, a rare thoughtful look pulling at his expression as if he was honestly trying to puzzle out a solution to this conundrum or just trying to calm himself down. Still, the look was fleeting, and within a few seconds, his eyes had opened with a challenging glint.

At that moment Macaque was sure he saw a slight shift, almost as if Wukong’s frame flickered for a moment.

As a companion to that sight, he heard the tell-tale chime of Wukong using his magic.

Golden smoke swirled around Wukong’s feet to add to the odd spectacle but the monkey did his best to swat the clouds away with his tail, trying to hide… something.

While suspicious and odd, it must have worked well enough considering Macaque couldn’t figure out for the life of him what Wukong had done before his attention was drawn away once Wukong spoke again, his ears pitching forward instinctively after being pulled so suddenly from his thoughts.

“Gotta catch me first!” And before either Macaque or Erlang could say anything to stop him, (as if anything they said would be able to stop him anyway) Wukong jumped up into the air and easily landed on his Nimbus, darting off in the opposite direction he and Macaque were originally headed. Which was just really annoying on top of impractical.

“What the- Get him!” Erlang yells, he and the rest of the guards quickly moving to chase after the elusive monkey, leaving Macaque alone in the courtyard.

Abandoned again, Macaque mused with a sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest, annoyance bubbling up in his chest at the familiar situation.

But that feeling was short-lived as none other than Wukong suddenly popped up beside him in a puff of golden smoke and grabbed Macaque’s hand, tugging him in the direction they had originally been headed, his face screwed into an expression of intense concentration as he used his knowledge of the celestial realm to map out exactly where they were and where it would be most tactical to head toward next.

“Wha- Wukong??”

“Clone,” Wukong responded, gesturing back toward the way his clone went and offering very little more in terms of explanation, leaving Macaque to feel mildly annoyed that Wukong didn’t even try to communicate that–the man has telepathy, it couldn’t have been that hard to just mentally tell Macaque “hey, I’m about to make a clone to lead them away but don’t worry, I’m not actually ditching you,” but like, whatever–as he dragged Macaque through a large ornate doorway and into a long and equally impressive hallway, briefly glancing at Macaque to offer a task, “tell me if you hear them coming back our way.”

Macaque opened his mouth to argue, his brows furrowing as he glared intently at the back of Wukong’s head when the golden-furred monkey turned his attention forward, but essentially he decided against saying anything. Instead, he let his ears fan out, closing his eyes and surprisingly trusting Wukong to guide him during his moment of slight vulnerability.

He heard the group's loud footsteps moving away and Wukong's clone's laughter, which abruptly ceased, accompanied by the sound of something poofing. There was a brief pause before Erlang groaned, his annoyance at having been bested by Wukong again incredibly clear, but he didn’t guide the army back towards where they had been before, knowing well enough that the real Wukong could be miles away by then.

Reluctantly, he conceded and told a few of his best soldiers to keep their eye out for the mischievous duo. Macaque allowed himself to bask in a brief moment of satisfaction at that, ignoring the feelings that threatened to rise to the surface if he thought too much about the two of them being a duo. He blinked open his eyes and focused back on the Wukong in front of him, the real Wukong. Macaque pursed his lips in brief thought before huffing out a soft chuckle.

Well played, Wukong, he thought, well played.

Finally, after a while of running, Wukong slowed down and the two continued to walk in silence for a while before Macaque cleared his throat to catch Wukong’s attention. It worked and Wukong looked back at him with an unspoken question clear in his eyes, only for Macaque to respond by pointing at their still-connected hands.

The golden monkey, much to Macaque’s annoyance, stopped walking after looking down at their hands, his brow furrowing in confusion as he tried to puzzle out what was wrong with the situation.

They were holding hands, so what? They used to hold hands all the time when they were frie- oh. Oh. Right. Right… not friends anymore. Just… barely allies. Wukong pointedly ignores the feelings swirling in his chest at that reminder.

His face flushed slightly in embarrassment at his forgetfulness as he pulled his hand away, wondering why Macaque hadn’t pulled away earlier and instead chose to point it out to Wukong. Distastefully, Wukong wondered if Macaque was afraid enough of him to believe he would lash out at the action. However, that couldn’t be the case because Macaque regularly picked fights with Wukong and pushed him to his limits… still, the question lodged itself into Wukong’s mind and he knew he wouldn’t be forgetting about it anytime soon. He still couldn’t get that image of Macaque cowering away from his fist during the Samadhi fire incident of his head. Among… other images.

Wukong cupped his hand in the other, trying to ignore the lingering feeling of Macaque’s touch on his palm, and turned away from Macaque, fur noticeably poofed up as he grumbled something that almost sounded like an apology as he sped down the hallway to put distance between them.

Macaque couldn’t help but snort, rolling his eyes as he slipped into the shadows to trail after Wukong more easily. Once Wukong had finally slowed back down to a more natural walking pace, Macaque emerged, making his presence known to the distracted monkey by brushing his tail against Wukong’s, making him jump and whip his head around, his momentary surprise melting away as his gaze hardened into a glare.

“Jerk,” Wukong mumbled, crossing his arms and looking away with a pout.

“Coward,” Macaque responded playfully, watching in satisfaction as Wukong’s shoulders relaxed slightly and he brought his arms back down to his sides, still looking annoyed and, to be honest, Macaque couldn’t tell if it was because of him or because being in the celestial realm generally set Wukong on edge, as much as the golden monkey liked to pretend that it didn’t.

Another moment of silence passed, this one almost comfortable as they walked side by side, a noticeable distance between them that hadn’t been there when they were younger.

Macaque was annoying, but Wukong had to admit he enjoyed the more casual banter they shared now that they were on speaking terms again. It was far better than having to listen to words chock-full of hurtful intent. No one knew how to get under Wukong’s skin better than Macaque did. And vice versa he liked to believe.

“So…” Macaque starts, once again being the one to break the silence, “what’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Wukong asks, prompting Macaque to raise a brow at him, “oh- right! The plan! Uh…”

Wukong stopped walking, pursing his lips in thought.

“Oh for-” Macaque grumbled, running a hand over his face, “you don’t even have a plan!?”

“I didn’t have time to make a plan!” Wukong insists, gesturing wildly in the air as if that would make Macaque look past his ignorance.

Macaque rolled his eyes with a snort, “Yeah, seems like a common thing with you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Wukong huffed, gritting his teeth and crossing his arms. Okay, so maybe they weren’t fully past hurtful words.

“What do you think it’s supposed to mean?” Macaque asked rhetorically, glaring at Wukong as he mimicked him and crossed his arms as well.

Frowning, Wukong started walking again, eyes glued ahead as he felt anger boiling to life in his chest, “For the record, I did have a plan for the Samadhi fire.”

“Sure you did,” Macaque hummed with a shrug, following behind Wukong, the distance between them increasing and Wukong feared that was true in more ways than one. Still, despite knowing it would only deepen the ravine between them, Wukong couldn’t keep himself from adding: “And it would’ve worked if you hadn’t intervened!”

“Really?” Macaque chuckled darkly, stepping in front of Wukong and placing a hand on his chest to get him to stop as well, the touch making Wukong tense, looking at Macaque with a furrowed brow as a growl threatened to start up in his throat, “Even if you had gotten the ring out of the dragon girl and into you, you don’t have the same ‘dragon heritage’ that kept her alive. The Samadhi Fire is the only fire that can hurt you. For all we know, you could very well have died. And you would’ve taken reality as we know it down with you.~”

Wukong stared at Macaque for a moment with a shocked expression, his brows raised as he looked into Macaque’s eyes which glinted in cruel amusement, something that stoked the growing flame of Wukong’s conflicted rage, a mixture of shock that Macaque knew that and confusion at why he’d bring it up mixing in the emotional stew.

Finally, Wukong’s warring emotions settled into bland irritation, though there was no doubt something more explosive brewing under the surface as his brow furrowed and he looked away, taking in a shuddering breath before grabbing Macaque’s wrist and looking back towards him with a glare,

“I’m sure you would’ve loved it if that were the case,” Wukong grit out with a huff, pulling Macaque’s hand off him and shouldering past him aggressively. Macaque stayed standing there for a moment, a conflicted expression on his face as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, considering Wukong’s words. Not because they held any merit, mind you, but because he couldn’t figure out if Wukong meant the part about him dying or the part about reality being destroyed. Not that it particularly mattered which one since Macaque didn’t care for either. But it’s not like he could just admit that now, could he?

With a confused frown, Macaque decided it was not worth it to care and turned to continue following Wukong, leaving the tense silence to fester between them.

Admittedly, Wukong did seem to have some sort of odd method to his madness. One that only he could follow, no doubt, but it was there.

Having been in the celestial realm much longer than Macaque, Wukong had some sense of where things were and where Ne Zha would most likely be, so he had taken the lead. Up until this far, walking through a long outdoor hallway with ornate vine-covered pillars, they’d just explored various gardens and studies.

“Considering that kid can’t take a break for the life of him,” Wukong had said, momentarily forgetting about the words that still hung between them in favor of focusing on something he might actually have the power to fix, for once, “he’s probably tasked himself with guarding the Jade Emperor’s power.”

“If you knew that then didn’t we just go to the Jade Emperor’s power in the first place?” Macaque asked, much less willing to pretend that things were fine between them. Not right now, at least. It was easier to pretend when their common denominator, MK, was there. Or maybe in the rare moments where they sat on opposite ends of the couch, monkeys curled up on their laps and draped over their shoulders as they watched trash TV in mildly comfortable silence. But the tenseness between them right now was like a thick smog in the air, the type that stings your eyes and makes your throat close up. Nearly impossible to ignore.

Unless, of course, there was some sort of distraction, he mused. But that would never-

“Uncle?”

Macaque’s ears twitched at the familiar voice and he froze, looking up, raising a brow, before blurting out the first name that came to mind, “Red?”

They both started speaking at the same time, “What are you-”

They also stopped speaking at the same time as they blinked at each other before both chuckling. Red Son, someone Macaque was only semi-recently formerly acquainted with despite having known his parents for centuries, politely raised a hand to cover his mouth as he chuckled, both of them momentarily forgetting about the mildly confused witness standing awkwardly on the sidelines.

Considering Red Son was very young when Wukong trapped his father under that mountain, he had never really seen Wukong as anyone other than the man who tore the Demon Bull Family from its foundations and left it as shaky scaffolding that threatened to blow over in the wind, only kept up by Red Son’s and his mother’s combined efforts, something that seldom seemed enough as in the beginning they were just two grieving demons; a child, young and stripped of his power, forced to relearn the core of his magic; and a mother, hollow without her husband and forced to raise her son alone. It wasn’t long before Red Son did his best to remedy the lack of manpower though, the first bull clones hadn’t been perfect but they were a good proof of concept. Nevertheless, point is, Red Son (despite vaguely remembering a time when he had sat upon strong shoulders–not as broad as his father’s–with his hands pulling curiously at golden fur, the owner of which chuckled, unbothered by the child’s actions,) had long since stopped seing Wukong in any kind of fond light. Macaque on the other hand, despite being physically absent, was still often brought up by Iron Fan in conversation, her tone fond and wistful as she would lament about how often Macaque had to get the other brotherhood members out of trouble. Her stories notably lacking Wukong. As a result of these stories though, Red Son felt closer to Macaque when he was being raised than he had ever felt to Wukong, and after meeting Macaque in person, and being introduced formerly to him by MK, Red Son was all too eager to reinstate the title he had once used for Wukong. And Macaque definitely didn’t tear up when Red Son called him Uncle.

Of course, predictably, it wasn’t long before Wukong got antsy and interjected himself into the conversation Red Son and Macaque had started having.

“Red boy!” Wukong chimed, draping his arm over a now very disgruntled Red Son’s shoulders.

“Wukong…” Red greeted distastefully.

“You’re not gonna rat us out are you?” Wukong asked, almost sounding genuinely anxious.

“If you don’t stop touching me I might,” the young demon scowled, prompting Wukong to chuckle nervously and back off with his palms held out in a placating gesture, which Red Son only huffed smoke out of his nostrils at.

“Noted,” Wukong hums, placing his hands on his hips and tilting his head, “so, what are you doing in the celestial realm? I thought your family was taking a break from conquering the world. I don’t think MK would be too happy to have to start fighting you again.”

Red Son scoffs, his cheeks flushing slightly at that last part as he looked away, the reaction confusing Wukong.

“Like I would tell you anything,” the bull demon hissed.

Wukong is about to argue back but Macaque shoves a hand over his mouth and speaks up, not wanting Wukong to start something possibly explosive in the middle of the celestial realm, “What’cha doin’ here, Red?”

“Oh, that’s easy, I came to speak with Ne Zha.”

Macaque grins triumphantly, glancing towards Wukong and-

“DID YOU JUST LICK ME!?” He hissed, jerking his hand away from Wukong’s mouth and wiping the slobber off on Wukong’s sleeve.

“You’ll live,” Wukong huffed, wiping the spit off his chin as a cocky grin pulls at his lips, ever excited to cause Macaque discomfort, “I just don’t see why Red Boy can’t answer me but can answer you.”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe because you’re annoying,” Macaque grumbled, childishly sticking his tongue out at Wukong, pulling a dramatic, affronted gasp from Wukong.

“Well, I-” Wukong started, placing a hand on his chest as he pretended to be thoroughly scandalized by the display, only for his theatrics to be rudely interrupted.

“And an idiot,” the young bull demon added.

“Hey-” Wukong pouted, genuinely upset his bit was ruined.

“Oh, and-” Macaque chimed, only to be interrupted as Wukong punched him in the shouler, pulling a chuckle from him which was surely not the reaction Wukong was going for but he can’t find it in himself to be upset at the outcome.

It was honestly kind of funny. Sometimes they fought like children, and sometimes they fought like a married couple, Red Son mused with a slight smirk, but, unless he wanted to be hunted for sport, he could never say that thought out loud.

“So, what’s your business with Ne Zha, kid?” Macaque finally asked, tail swaying slightly from the lingering amusement of getting to mess with Wukong.

“Oh! I, uh… I came to ask for advice on what to get the noodle-” The demon’s eyes darted over to Wukong before narrowing as he slowly continued, carefully deciding his words, “my… partner as a, um, courting gift.”

Macaque nodded, unsurprised at this information, having been one of the first people Red came to when he first started attempting to court the monkey king’s successor. Based on the nervous look the demon had given Wukong, Macaque would bet that Wukong didn’t know yet. Which also wasn’t surprising, because Wukong was incredibly dense. Guess that’s what happens when your brain is made of stone.

Wukong snorted, clearly amused, “I wouldn’t go to Ne Zha for that kind of thing.”

“And why is that?”

Both Red Son and Wukong jolted slightly at the sound of the familiar voice, though more out of surprise than anything else. Macaque, having heard Ne Zha approaching but not caring enough to let Wukong know, merely allowed his gaze to lazily travel over to the lotus prince, giving a casual nod in greeting that was met with a slight shrug. Despite mostly hating each other, they had fun gossiping about Wukong together that one time and they both cared about MK so they resolved to, at the very least, not be hostile.

Macaque was only mildly surprised when, instead of backtracking as any sensible person would do, Wukong turned to Ne Zha with a brow raised as he huffed out an amused laugh and used Macaque’s shoulder as an armrest, much to Macaque’s dismay.

“Ey! Ne Zha! Old buddy! We were just talking about you!” Wukong chuckled to himself, clearly the only one who was entertained by this situation. With a hum, Wukong addressed Ne Zha’s question, “do you want the whole list or do you want me to just say some stuff off the top of my head?”

With a tired sigh that was usually reserved for exhausted parents, Ne Zha rubbed at his temples. Wukong, for whatever reason, took this as a sign to continue spouting his bullshit.

“First off, you’re like, what, twelve? Second, I doubt you know the first thing about romance, I mean, you’d probably be married to your job if you could be.”

Ne Zha’s eye twitched and he pinched the bridge of his nose. He’s barely even been in Wukong’s presence for fifteen minutes and he already wants to leave. But, alas, he did have a reason for appearing when he did.

However… it wouldn’t hurt to set the record straight first, “just because I am not interested in romantic affairs doesn’t mean I am unaware of the concept. Nor does it mean I would be unwilling to advise the Demon Dull prince and- are you even listening, Wukong?”

“Mmm,” Wukong hummed, picking at the dirt under his claws, “not at all, why?”

Sighing, Ne Zha took a moment to breathe, opening his mouth to scold Wukong but paused as he was struck with an idea and a rare mischievous grin pulled at his expression, the look setting everyone on edge as they wondered what he might be thinking.

“Oh, no reason…” He turned his back on Wukong, which was a risky move considering what he was about to say, “I just thought you might be interested in learning where Ao Lie is…”

Wukong immediately went stock still, his tail, which had previously been casually swaying, stiffened to the point of almost looking petrified. Macaque and Red Son watched as Wukong’s face fell, only for it to morph into something else moments later as his eyes went red and he bared his teeth. His fur bristled and neither Macaque nor Red Son could even think to stop him before he went to pounce.

Unsurprisingly, Ne Zha expected the reaction and leaped out of the way, watching as Wukong stumbled, struggling to reinstate his balance after his target moved, leaving him to skid slightly before crouching down again, no doubt getting prepared to try again.

“Tell me where he is,” Wukong spoke, the previous casualness and teasing aura that he had before completely gone, replaced by this desperate kind of aggression that brought back unwanted memories for Macaque and startled Red Son. Macaque didn’t miss the way Red Son stepped closer to him.

It made sense, Red Son had been a baby back when Wukong was on the journey, he’s never had to see this side of him before.

It had always been clear that Red Son disliked the monkey king, but the fear he had was only because of hearing stories and knowing vaguely what he was capable of. Now that he got to see Wukong’s impulsive rage first hand… he just considered himself glad he survived the punch in the ribs he got when Wukong was possessed.

“He was going to, you idiot,” Macaque finally huffed, making Wukong pause in his attack for a second.

Ne Zha nodded, still tense as though expecting Wukong to try and pounce at him again, “I have no reason to keep his whereabouts from you.”

“You’ve kept them from me this long,” Wukong growled, referring to the time Ao Lie had spent trapped in the scroll, and the group watched as guilt flashed over Ne Zha’s expression.

“I was not aware of what had happened to your companion,” he spoke honestly, and Wukong’s fur flattened slightly, the glamour on his eyes returning, “not until I had to release everyone trapped within the scroll. It was as much a surprise to me as it was for you.”

Wukong glared at the ground for a moment, clearly wanting to take out his anger on someone but wanting to see Ao Lie more. So, he sighed and looked back up at Ne Zha, “take me to him.”

No one spoke for the rest of that walk. Red Son had gone back to the mortal realm, accepting that this wasn’t the best time to look for advice and deciding to either come back another time or ask his mother, though that ran the risk of his father finding out and Red Son was just… really not ready to have that conversation.

That left Wukong and Macaque alone to follow their temporary guide, Ne Zha.

In the back of his mind, Wukong was surprised that Macaque had stuck with him this long. Maybe it was because he was distracted by other things but, no matter how much he thought about it he just couldn’t figure out why he was still there.

More upsettingly, Wukong couldn’t figure out why he was glad Macaque was there.

He wasn’t given much time to mull over his thoughts before the three of them came to a stop in a long hallway with countless doors on each wall. “Guest rooms,” Ne Zha had explained, gesturing to one of the doors. He didn’t need to say anything for Wukong to understand what was being implied, and suddenly Wukong’s heart jumped into his throat and he was feeling uncharacteristically nervous. What was he supposed to say? Did Ao Lie even want to see him?

Wukong wasn’t someone who was used to acknowledging his feelings at the best of times, but especially not in a scenario like this. Ne Zha had hung back, watching as Wukong approached the door, Macaque following close behind and Wukong briefly wondered if he could sense how much Wukong needed him here. As embarrassing of a thought as that was, Wukong had to admit he was glad someone was by his side, even if that person hated his guts. This feeling was only amplified as Wukong once again felt something brush against his tail. He looked back to see the tip of a black-furred appendage briefly hooking around his tail before pulling back, not willing to offer any more than that. Wukong looked at Macaque with wide eyes, only to find Macaque unsurprisingly averting his gaze and glaring at the door, most likely pointedly ignoring the warmth in his cheeks. Wukong gave a soft smile, recognizing the attempt at reassurance and if he had more time to think it over he would probably bring himself into a spiral over it but, that could wait, for now… Wukong took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock at the door, not letting the breath out even as there was a loud crash on the other side of the door as if someone had tripped and then panicked shuffling.

He still didn’t breathe when the door was flung open to reveal a slightly disheveled-looking being. One that was very, very familiar to him.

“Ne Zha! Did you find hi-” Their voice cut off as their eyes met Wukong’s and for a moment, everything was frozen. Or, Macaque would’ve thought that was the case if he hadn’t been able to hear Wukong’s heart picking up and the way his breath hitched after he finally let out the breath he was holding.

Macaque took the moment of stillness to examine Ao Lie’s appearance, though he didn’t necessarily need to, having recognized him from years ago when he had been tailing the group to find out how they were keeping Wukong tied down. He looked the same for the most part, though his hair was slightly tousled most likely from the fall he had taken when scrambling to the door.

The shadow monkey watched as Ao Lie’s lips parted to say something but he cut himself off when Wukong took a few shaky steps forward as if afraid any sudden movements would shatter this moment. Or, perhaps Wukong was afraid Ao Lie would try and kill him just like everyone else from his past has thus far.

Of course, Ao Lie didn’t attack Wukong and instead offered a kind, patient smile. The sight of which had a dopey grin growing on Wukong’s face before he pounced on Ao Lie and knocked both of them to the ground, knocking the breath out of the dragon. Wasting no more time Wukong almost instinctively nuzzled against Ao Lie’s cheek as he threaded his fingers through Ao Lie’s long hair, soothing a part of himself he hadn’t previously been aware needed soothing.

Standing back, Macaque watched the exchange with narrowed eyes, an ugly feeling rearing its head in his chest as he watched Wukong clumsily attempt to groom Ao Lie’s hair. Macaque didn’t even know if Wukong was aware he was doing it.

Recovering from the air being punched out of his lungs, laughter bubbled up in Ao Lie’s throat, and the melodic sound had Wukong’s tail swaying against the ground as he answers with a pleased chirp, not even noticing the tears that began to run down his cheeks.

They laugh together for a moment, just holding each other close and reassuring themselves that this moment was real before they calm down and spend a moment of silence just basking in the others presence before Ao Lie sighs, shattering the silence and prompting Wukong to raise his head from where he had buried it against Ao Lie’s shoulder. Ao Lie reached up to cup Wukong’s cheeks and Wukong almost instantly relaxed into the touch, purring contentedly as Ao Lie’s thumbs caress his cheeks, brushing away any stray tears as Ao Lie takes the moment to study Wukong’s face.

“You look different,” Ao Lie said softly, his voice almost a whisper as he ran his thumb over the edge of Wukong’s prominent eye bags. Wukong’s eyes flutter shut as he takes a moment to just bask in the touch before opening his eyes and meeting Ao Lie’s affectionate gaze.

A soft chuckle bubbles up from Wukong’s chest as he responds, “you don’t.”

“Heh… being trapped in time for…” Ao Lie grimaces, realizing he doesn’t actually know how long he had been trapped, “uh… however long, will do that to you.”

Wukong frowns at the reminder, placing his hand over Ao Lie’s and apologetically nuzzling into his palm.

“If I had known,” Wukong mumbles against Ao Lie’s skin, “I would’ve stopped at nothing to get you back.”

Smiling sadly, Ao Lie pressed their foreheads together, “I know.”

<<prev

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blackhiil · 2 years

Text

Dear Mia

Drug Abuse- Blackhill Bingo Square

part 1 heatwaves

word count: 4138

Maria is snapped back, she’s disoriented but her first thought is Natasha. Upon finding out about Natasha's death, Maria began drinking heavily.

warnings: angst, alcohol abuse

When Maria snaps back, she’s disoriented but her first thought is Natasha. She looks at Nick and he looks as confused as she does. They have their phones, but they’re dead so they walk to the closest electronic store. Maria stops in her tracks when she sees someone reappear in front of her, shocked to actually see what’s happening. All around her, people were reappearing on the street one by one. Maria didn’t know what happened or why it was happening but she had one question on her mind: Was Natasha okay?____________________________________________

After finding a charger, she called Natasha but the call went to voicemail. She called again and this time someone picked up.

“Nat, baby are you okay?” The words flew out of her mouth quickly.

“Maria?” Clint’s voice came over the line confused.

“Clint? Why do you have Natasha’s phone? Is she okay? Did she disappear like I did?” Maria just wanted to see her wife, to hold her.

“I think it’s better for us to meet in person, where are you?” His answer was vague and it made Maria’s heart beat erratically.

“I’m in Atlanta with Fury but Clint, what aren't you telling me?” She questioned. He was hiding about Natasha, but she couldn’t figure out what.

“Maria, please, just go to the old SHIELD safe house that’s there and I’ll meet you there in a few hours.” He begged.

“And you’ll bring Natasha?” her voice was pleading and Clint felt his heart squeeze for the news he was going to have to tell her.

“I’ll see you soon.” He said instead. Maria noticed he avoided the question, an uncomfortable feeling set in her stomach.

____________________________________________

A few hours later, Clint landed a jet outside the safe house. He and Steve packed up Natasha’s room at the Compound and he kept them in storage. Packing up her room felt like admitting she was gone, even though he watched it, he didn’t believe it, but that moment solidified it for him. His best friend was dead and now he had to tell her wife who only wanted to see her.

He grabbed the boxes of Natasha’s favorite clothes, blanket, her pictures, her laptop, phone, and a letter he found on her bed addressed to Maria. He held the box in one arm before knocking.

Maria opened the door, hoping to see Natasha and was disappointed when she saw only Clint. She looked at the box he was holding, Natasha, written on the side of it.

“Can I come in?” He asked. Maria stepped aside, to let him in and closed the door behind him.

“Clint, where’s Natasha?” She questioned. Clint sat the box down near the couch and gestured for her to sit on it.

“You know, the entire way over here, I practiced how I was going to tell you this and none of them felt right, they still don’t.” he started.

“Tell me what?” she urged. He was silent, trying to find the right words. “Tell me what, Clint?” she pleaded.

“Natasha’s dead.” The words spewed out of his mouth like word vomit.

Maria froze, time stilled as she processed his words. Natasha Romanoff was dead. Her wife was dead. The love of her life was dead.

“What?” She stammered out, disbelieving. “No, you’re lying, she’s not dead. Clint, where is she because she’s not dead.”

“YES SHE IS.” he shouted. He didn’t mean to shout but Maria upset him. “I watched her die. Maria, she's gone.” He repeated. Maria was silent, processing his words. Tears rose in her eyes, threatening to fall.

“What happened?” Her voice broke as she spoke.

“Thanos happened. A mad total from outer space wanted to wipe out half the universe and he succeeded using the infinity stones. You, Yelena, Fury, Laura, my kids, we’re gone. You disappeared for 5 years until Scott Lang showed up to the compound. Then for the first time in 5 years, we had hope. We had a chance to bring all of you back and we took it. A group of us split up to go back in time to get each of the stones, Natasha and I went to Vormir to get the soul stone which was at the bottom of a cliff. What we didn’t know is that the soul stone came with a price. A soul for a soul.” His voice began to crack, but he cleared his throat before continuing.

“In order for us to get the stone, one of us had to die. I fought her, Maria, I tried so hard to stop her, but she was always a better fighter than me. The last thing she told me was “Tell her I love her and I’m sorry our story has to end here.” The entire time Clint had been telling the story, Maria had silent tears falling down her face but the last like made her release a sob.

Natasha was really gone. She sacrificed herself to save the world and Maria couldn’t be mad at her because it was something she would do too had she been in that position.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. Clint pulled her into a hug, and they cried together. Cried knowing the one person they both wanted to see, was never coming back.

“I’m so sorry Maria.” He sniffled out. She shook her head, pulling away from the hug. “It’s not your fault. Natasha was stubborn, she would’ve found a way to get that stone and save the world another way. I just wished she didn’t have to die for it.” Maria responded.

“I brought you her favorite things and personal stuff. She wrote you some letters, I think you should read them.” He checked his watch. “I have to get home to Laura and the kids, I’m not going to ask if you’ll be okay, just please call if you need anything.” He encouraged, before taking his leave.

____________________________________________

After he left, Maria sat there in a catatonic like state. She was in shock, so she did the only thing she could think of: found cash and made a trip to the closest liquor store.

Maria wasn’t a big drinker, she only drank at events or for celebration. Her sobriety and desire to never be an alcoholic like her father kept Maria sober but since her world has just been turned upside down, all of that went out the window. Fury was off-world for the time being, meaning the other half of her support system was gone, therefore, there was no one to stop her.

So, Maria drowned her feelings in alcohol. She drank until she passed out and after she woke up and threw up, and after that, she did it all over again. It took her three days to touch the box of Natasha’s things, she just couldn’t bring herself to touch something so sacred.

Maria sat on the couch with a stack of letters in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. She opened the first one.

Dear Mia,

We lost. Thanos won and you’re gone because of him. My first thought when I got back to the states was to find you, but when I called you didn’t answer. So I ran a facial match and found the video of you turning to dust in the middle of the street. You looked so confused and scared, I just wanted to give you a hug.

I’m in our room at the compound and all I can think about is the last time we were here. And we had a fight, but I had a nightmare and you instantly came to comfort me. I remember you telling me that you would never leave me by choice. Even in death, you kept your promise. I want to be mad at you, because you’re not supposed to be dead, but I can’t because you didn’t have a choice and I have to find a way to accept that.

I love you,

Natasha

The letter was stained with tears, dried ones from Natasha and current ones from Maria. Seeing Natasha’s handwriting brought on a wave of tears she wasn’t expecting. She was all alone and sad and Maria wasn’t there to comfort her. Maria didn’t really like the taste of vodka, it wasn’t her favorite, but that night she drank the whole bottle and passed out with the letter clutched in her hand.

____________________________________________

Another day of Maria waking up alone with a hangover and an empty stomach. It’s been about 5 days since she came back and found out Natasha died. Maria couldn’t remember the last time she ate, and since she needed to restock her alcohol supply, she decided it was time for a trip to the grocery store. After a call to her bank to make sure her accounts were unfrozen, she went to the nearest store. She mostly got non perishables because she didn’t plan on going out for a while and today's alcohol choice was Jack Daniels. The cashier and the people in line behind her gave her judgmental looks because she had 3 bottles but she glared at them until they looked away.

They didn’t understand that Maria lost the love her of life for a stupid rock and she wasn’t about to explain it to them. When she got back home, she did put the food away, but she didn’t eat any of it, just grabbed one of the bottles and went into the living room.

Maria made her way over to the box, and grabbed the blanket that was in there. This was Natasha’s favorite blanket, it was fluffy and had all the Avengers symbols on it. Tony had got it for her as a christmas gift as a joke but Natasha ended up loving it. Maria wrapped it around her shoulders and held the blanket up to her nose, it still smelled like her.

She picked up the second letter in the stack and began reading.

Dear Mia,

Happy Birthday, Ria, is what I wish I could tell you right now. I should be waking you up at the crack of dawn with a cupcake to give you for breakfast. But I can't do that, so I bought a cupcake and lit a candle to make a wish. They say you aren’t supposed to tell people your wishes or they won’t come true but no one else is going to see this. Of course I wished for you to come back to me but I don’t think that will happen.

I miss you with all my heart,

Natasha

Glued to the bottom of the letter was a picture of Natasha. Her hair was red with blonde tips and even though she had a small smile on her face, Maria could see the sadness in her eyes. Next to her was a chocolate cupcake with a blue candle in it. Maria hadn’t mustered up the courage to look at her phone or Natasha’s since she got to the safe house, so this was the first she was seeing Natasha’s face in 5 years. That night was the first time in 5 days Maria didn’t drink a drop of alcohol.

____________________________________________

Two days later, Maria was right back where she started, drunk and reading another letter.

Dear Mia,

There was a Pride parade today and it reminded me of the first time we went to Pride together. We had so much fun together, I wish we could experience it again. Part of me wants to go out and celebrate with them but it just doesn’t feel right to do it without you. It’s more sacred to me than most people would understand because not only does it give me a chance to connect with my fans and be a positive influence on them, it was our thing. Something we always did together to celebrate us and I just can’t do without you.

Happy Pride Ria,

Love Natasha

Maria let out a watery chuckle at the memory. She had spent so much time working up the courage to ask Natasha, just for Natasha to turn around and ask her. They had so much fun when they went to Pride together. Maria brought the bottle of scotch up o her lips and drank, downing what was left of the bottle. She really missed her wife.

____________________________________________

By the time Maria opened this next letter, she had already drunk half her stash. The only thing she had eaten this week was a peanut butter sandwich, something to honor Natasha and help her stomach. She grabbed one of the picture frames and it was a picture of her and Natasha on their first wedding anniversary.

Dear Mia,

It’s our 10 year wedding anniversary, and you’re not here. This was supposed to be one of our biggest milestones yet, we were supposed to settle down and maybe start a family. Now we don’t have the chance and it makes me so angry because it’s not fair.

But do you remember how disastrous our first wedding anniversary was? I really didn’t mean for us to spend it in a hospital bed but with you next to me, I didn't care where we spent it. We never talked about how we were going to celebrate this one, so I’m going to celebrate by watching Moonraker because it’s my favorite.

I love you,

Natasha

Maria sobbed realizing Natasha spent 5 of their anniversaries alone and she has to spend one of their most important ones alone. But it also made her realize she would now have to spend the rest of them alone and she sobbed harder. That night, she drank 2 bottles of alcohol and spent the next two days in and out of sleep. ____________________________________________

Maria was now on Natasha’s last letter and she was debating if she wanted to open it. On one hand, she really wanted to read it because it was her last connection to Natasha. On the other hand, it was her last connection to Natasha, what if it was a goodbye letter. Maria took a deep breath, she needed to woman up. This time she didn’t have a whole in her hand, just a glass. She wanted to save this last bottle as much as she could, mainly because the store banned her from buying alcohol because they were “concerned”. She rolled her eyes at the memory and unfolded the last letter.

Dear Mia,

For the first time in 5 years, I have hope. Scott Lang told us about the Quantum Realm and how time moves differently there, and we can go back in time to get the stones. Mia, you could actually come home, I can actually get you and the rest of my family back.

This is the first letter I’ve written to you where I haven’t cried. I’m just so happy because you could come home and we can be together again and that's the only thing keeping me going.

Honestly, I’m scared. I have to go to space and it’s unknown territory for me. What if I got my hopes up for nothing? What if we go through with this but it means nothing? I really don’t think I could bear it.

But then I’ll look at my ring or our pictures and I remember I’ve faced a lot of my fears with you by my side and if I have to face this fear to get you back then it’ll be worth it.

See you in a minute,

Natasha

There was a picture of Natasha glued to the letter. Her red and blonde hair was in a braid and she was smiling, really smiling, and holding her thumb up. Maria threw the glass in her hand against the wall and put her head in her hands, the letter falling to the ground. Natasha was truly never coming back and there was nothing Maria could do to fix it.

She heard the front door open but she honestly couldn’t bring herself to care about who it could be. However, since no one but Clint knew she was here, she didn’t think she was about to die and drunk or not, she could probably still take them in a fight.

“Mia.” She heard a voice, Natasha’s voice. The footsteps of the person got closer to her. “Maria, look at me.”

“No, I'm drunk, you aren’t real. If I look at you, you’ll disappear and I don’t want that. I can't handle that.” Maria cried, a slur in her words from her drunken state.

Natasha squatted down in front of Maria and grabbed her hands, pulling them away from her face. “Maria, I am real. Open your eyes, please.”

Maria opened her eyes, blinking to get rid of the blurriness from her tears and looked at the person in front of her. Those eyes. She’d know her wife’s eyes anywhere. They were the same eyes she dreamed of in her sleep, the same eyes she’d looked into when she said her vows. Natasha really was alive. Maria didn’t say anything, just pulled Natasha into a tight hug which was returned just a tight, if not tighter. They were finally together again.

____________________________________________

Maria quickly fell asleep with her head in Natasha’s lap, Nat’s fingers running through her hair. Natasha had been so surprised when Clint came to Vormir to exchange the soul stone for her. The first thing she asked was if Maria was alive and she felt very relieved when he told her yes. However, that relief quickly turned to worry when Clint told her about Maria’s state.

“Tasha, she’s alive but she’s not doing so well. She’s been drinking a lot. She hasn’t been answering her phone or your phone, it got to the point where I had to call Fury, who’s off-world at the moment, to have someone check to make sure she was alive.” He explained.

Natasha felt her heart constrict hearing about her wife’s state. Maria’s sobriety was very important to her, especially because of her childhood. Natasha had only ever seen her drunk on their wedding day which was a decade ago. “How bad is it?”

“It’s bad Tash. Fury had to call the store manager to make them ban her just to get her to stop buying alcohol.” He winced, he didn’t know the full story about Maria’s sobriety rule, but he knew it was very important to her and Natasha so he never asked questions.

Natasha inhaled sharply. That was bad. When Maria was sober, truly sober, this was going to hit her hard. Maria never wanted to be a person who was constantly drunk, like her father, and now that’s exactly the state she was in. “God, this is such a mess.” she pursed her lips with worry.

Clint placed his hand on her knee to get her attention. “Nat, I know you’re worried about Maria and I am too, but I’m also worried about you. Nine days ago, you died. Nine days ago, Maria was dead for 5 years, how are you doing?” he asked, concerned.

“It’s a lot to take in. I don’t have any negative feelings about dying. It’s always been a risk of the job and it became an even bigger risk when we became Avengers. I knew I would probably die saving people and I made my peace with that a long time ago.” she confessed. “Maria dying is something I never thought of and it shook me to my core. I’m happy she’s back, ecstatic, but I’m also scared that this is a dream and I really don’t want to wake up from it. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go to her because I’m scared it’s not real, that she’s not real. Am I wrong for that?” she asked, not meeting his eyes.

“No, you aren’t. When I went back to the compound after you died, the first I did was call Laura. I heard her voice and I was so happy to hear it, but I also didn’t want to go home because I still couldn’t believe it was real. So, no you aren’t wrong for feeling that way. Seeing Maria will just make it all real but you should only see her if you're sure you’re up to it.” He empathized. He knew better than anyone exactly how she felt.

“Now, we’re going to stop by the farm so you can get a shower because you’ve been wearing that for nine days and you stink. I have all your clothes there because I didn’t know what to do with them.” Clint joked to lighten the mood.

Natasha cracked a small smile and shoved him. “You’ve smelt way worse than I do right now.”

She was brought out of the memory when Maria started shifting in her sleep, subconsciously bringing herself closer to Natasha, almost laying on top of her. Nat didn’t mind, she was holding her wife for the first time in 5 years. If anything, she just wrapped her arms around Maria and fell asleep with her. ____________________________________________

When Maria woke up again, she was a little bewildered because she was laying on top of something. Actually, she was laying on top of someone. Her head was pounding from the hangover and all the alcohol she’s had over the past week or so. She removed her body from the person below her, and jumped back in shock.

There was Natasha, asleep on the couch and Maria couldn’t remember how or when she got here. She rubbed her eyes, wondering if her eyes were deceiving her, they weren’t. Natasha was really here, alive, and she had found Maria in a drunken stupor.

Maria felt shame and self loathing rise within herself. She had never wanted this, never wanted to wake up from being blackout drunk with no memory. She was no better than her father, even in death, he managed to haunt her. Maria pushed all the negative feelings and memories of her father to the side. Just because Natasha found her like this, doesn’t mean she was going to wake up to her like this, so Maria began cleaning.

Seven bottles. Maria had drunk seven whole bottles of alcohol over the course of nine days. All of them were scotch which makes sense because it was her favorite. The bottle of vodka confused her though, she didn’t drink vodka and the bottle in her hand was unopened.

“Thought you didn’t like vodka.” Natasha’s voice came from behind her, startling Maria. She turned around to face her wife, who was 100% real and not a figment of her imagination she reminded herself. “I don’t. I don’t remember much over the past few days, but I remember that before I was banned from the store I bought this. I was going to drink it while I read your last letter, as a toast to you. But I just couldn’t bring myself to, because it felt like accepting you were gone, and I just couldn’t. So, I drank the last of my scotch.” Maria said.

Natasha didn’t say anything, just hugged her. “You must be so disappointed in me.” Maria murmed. Nat pulled away from the hug, confused. “Why would I be disappointed?” she asked. “Because I broke my sobriety. I haven’t had a drink since 2014, and that went to shit in nine days.” Natasha didn’t reply, just gently pushed Maria onto the stool behind her.

“Mia, I’m not disappointed. You were coping. Was it unhealthy? Yes, but you weren’t the only one who coped in an unhealthy way. I watched the video of you during the snap, and your confused face haunted me. I wouldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, so I would dance. I would dance until my feet bled, and I passed out from exhaustion. Once Steve took my shoes, I would go to the gym and do the same thing.” Natasha began. “I’m not telling you this to make you upset, I’m telling you this because you weren’t alone in your feelings. And I know we’ll get through this because you’re sober and you hate the fact that you got drunk, so I know you’ll try your hardest to get help and I’ll be right by your side to help you.”

“You’re right, I can get through this.” Maria repeated, she didn’t sound convinced though. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Maria apologized after a beat of silence.

“It wasn’t your fault. All that matters is that we’re together now and we don’t have to go through that again.” Nat soothed.

Maria sighed as she pulled her wife closer to her, laying her head on her chest. Natasha was right, they were together now and as long Maria had her, she would be her best self.

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