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shit-scfandom-did · 3 years

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so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

#anons

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babybluebex · 3 years

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desperate hearts (and bodies) [sebastian stan] NSFW!!

➽ pairing: sebastian stan x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 2.5k ➽ summary: while watching his new movie, sebastian makes a deal with you: you’ll watch the movie until the credits roll, or else. ➽ warnings: NSFW/MDNI. explicit language, smut, fingering (f!receiving), teasing, slight dom!seb ➽ a/n: i have no logical explanation for this, so just have it lol

It took a lot of convincing to have Sebastian watch one of his movies. He hated seeing himself work and, ever the perfectionist, found apparent flaws in his performance that neither the director nor editors had “managed” to find. He was against it at first, but, when I told him that I was too scared to watch his new movie The Covenant alone, he agreed. This man was such a pushover. We had known each other since high school when we paired together as scene partners for our school’s drama department. Seb was a senior when I was a freshman and we always got along, albeit at a casual distance. It wasn’t until we were in college together and I was randomly assigned him as a student mentor that we grew close, eventually kissing and fucking and revealing our long-boiling feelings.

We had been together for nearly two years by this point, and I had seen him through every single professional role. When we reunited, he had just had a small role on Law and Order, and he had only gone up from there. The Covenant was the first horror-type movie he had ever done, and I had gotten a basic-enough synopsis from him for me to avoid it. However, being the dutiful girlfriend that I was, I wanted to support him and watch it, and that’s where the begging came in.

Sebastian was a pushover. One hell of a pushover. I usually had to pout and he gave in to me, but watching his own movie came at a larger price, not that I minded it. As we sat down to watch the movie, my knees still ached from our earlier “negotiation”, and Sebastian grabbed my legs and hauled them into his lap. He clicked his tongue a few times, then said, “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It doesn’t hurt,” I shrugged, but winced when he pressed a finger into the red patches.

“Right,” he said with a smile. “And I’m the Queen of England.”

“Put on the movie, would ya?” I chuckled. “Shut your mouth.”

“You love my mouth,” Sebastian teased, tickling my thighs, and I sighed.

“I do, but it’s annoying sometimes,” I said, and I kissed my finger and pressed it to his bottom lip. “Movie. Please?”

The moment he came on screen, I felt a familiar heat in my stomach. He was a piece of shit high school guy in this movie, but he was so insanely hot. The female characters were falling all over him, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t share the affection. “Aww, look at you,” I cooed, leaning over to tickle his chin. “Little teenage dirtbag Seba.”

“Is this why you wanted to watch this?” Sebastian laughed, smacking my hands away. “To make fun of me the whole time?”

“No,” I said. “I want to support you, damn it. I just have the privilege of making fun of you.”

Sebastian sighed, playing shaking his head, and he whispered, “You’re gonna kill me, woman.”

“I sure hope not,” I said, turning my attention back to the screen for a moment. “But it looks like Pogue might. What the hell kinda name is Pogue anyway?”

“I wish I knew,” Sebastian shrugged. “Oh, she was nice, though,” he added, pointing at the blonde girl on screen. “Really sweet. Said you were pretty.”

“You showed her a picture of me?” I asked.

“Well, not intentionally,” Sebastian said. “I was using a Polaroid of you as a bookmark and she handed me my book at one point in the makeup trailer and asked and… You know I love talking about you. I had to indulge her.”

“You keep getting better everyday,” I told him with a smile.

“You too, baby girl,” he said. “I’m getting a beer. You want one?”

“Nah,” I said. “But if it comes with a tall Romanian, I might have to rethink that.”

“Two beers, coming up,” Sebastian said, sitting up to go. Before he fully stood up, though, he tugged me close and kissed me slowly. His kisses were to die for, and I would never grow tired of them. His tongue dipped into my mouth and his hand began to inch my shirt up, but I grabbed his wrist quickly.

“Stop trying to distract me, Seb,” I whispered, biting his plush bottom lip. “We’re watching this movie.”

“Fuck,” Sebastian hissed, and I released his lip. “Thought I had you there.”

“You’ll have to try harder than that,” I told him as he stood up. I watched him as he walked to the kitchen, pulling his jeans back up his hips, and I couldn’t help but admire his ass. Even in high school, Sebastian had a nice body, and it had only gotten better with age and time. I turned my attention back to the movie, and Sebastian quickly returned with our drinks. I took a sip of mine before settling fully into his lap, and his arms went around my waist. “Okay, hold on, I’m confused,” I said quickly. “So those four guys are, like, witches? Wizards? Can guys be witches? Anyway, there’s four of them, but they sense a disturbance in the Force?”

Sebastian laughed deep in his chest. “I mean, pretty much,” he said. “You’ve got it.”

“Chase is the fifth power,” I said quickly. “I’m calling it right now.”

“Woah, hold on, what makes you think I’m the bad guy?” Sebastian asked with a quirk of his lips.

“I just know, man,” I said, taking another drink. “I know how these movies work, and you’re super hot-- more than the leads, actually-- and you’re a new guy. The bigger twist would be if he isn’t the fifth power.”

Sebastian hummed for a moment, then he sighed and mumbled, “Fuck me, you’re good at this.”

I gave a victory laugh and kissed his cheek, and he sucked his teeth in fake annoyance. “You’re way too smart for this, I’m never watching any movies with you again,” Sebastian grumbled.

“Aww, Seba, don’t be like that,” I pouted. “I still wanna watch this.”

“Fuck!” Sebastian huffed and threw his arms in defeat. “What do I have to do to turn this movie off?”

“You said that I’d have to suck your dick and we’d watch this movie,” I began. “And I did, and I did it good. So, we are watching the movie until the goddamn credits roll.”

“Mmhmm,” Sebastian grumbled, drinking his beer. “Alright then. Until the credits roll.”

Sebastian put his drink down a few minutes later, his hands slotting between my thighs. His hands were always freezing and it was a usual thing for him to warm his hands on some part of me; sometimes, it was under my arm or on my tits. Today, it seemed, was between my thighs. His thumb stroked my skin in slow and languid motions, and, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was innocent. He gave a sigh from his plump, pink lips, and he leaned his head on my shoulder, his eyes stuck to the TV screen. My fingers threaded through his hair absently as I watched Chase and the other witches go about their high school antics, and a familiar pressure grew between my thighs when the camera moved into a locker room. Sebastian was there, his shirt undone and his tie hanging loosely around his neck, and I gave a small gasp.

“Everything alright?” Sebastian whispered in my ear, giving it a delicate kiss. “You seem a little shaken up.”

“I’m good,” I replied. “Just… Your hands are fucking cold, man.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian chuckled. “It’s a curse, baby girl. But you seem… I don’t wanna say it because I don’t think you deserve the satisfaction, but… Are you turned on?”

I shrugged. It was embarrassing as hell that I was turned on by Sebastian in a movie, especially when I was sitting in his lap. “You know I love your abs,” I mumbled, picking at the label on my beer bottle.

“So that’s a yes?” Sebastian hummed. He leaned in and kissed my neck, his thumb moving just a bit higher up my thigh. “Just the sight of me gets you all hot, huh? I don’t even have to be doing anything.”

“Seb--” I began, but his lips attached to the spot on my neck that we both knew was my weakness. He gave it a few gentle nips with his front teeth, then soothed the sting with his tongue, and I clenched my teeth together to control my noises. His hand went higher and higher still until it reached the hem of my panties, and he slowly pushed his fingers into it. He was quiet and gentle as his hand moved, continuing to kiss my sweet spot as his palm pressed against my heat. The heel of his hand was right against my clit, just barely making enough contact, and I wriggled helplessly to get him where I wanted him.

“Watch the movie, baby girl,” Sebastian whispered, his voice low and rumbling. “You’ll miss something important.”

I groaned softly. “Sebastian,” I mumbled. “Please, love--”

“Please what?” Sebastian whispered. “What do you want, baby girl?”

“Touch me,” I panted softly. “Please.”

“You said we were going to watch this movie until the credits roll,” Sebastian said slowly. “I’ve already seen it-- fuck, I’m one of the leads--” My legs tightened at his words, trapping his hand against my wet heat, and he laughed. “So, you’re gonna watch this movie. The entire thing. And you’re not gonna worry about what I’m doing. Alright?”

I nodded, fixing my gaze on the screen once more. I didn’t expect him to push on as quickly as he did, but he ground his hand against my sensitive clit almost the moment I agreed. I gasped in surprise and I felt Sebastian smile against my neck as he continued to kiss my weakest spot, and he whispered, “Goddamn, baby. So wet for me.”

His fingers nudged me open and the tip of his middle finger began to press into me. He was moving just too slow and it was annoying the hell out of me, and I lifted my hips to have his finger in deep. “Oh, no,” Sebastian whispered, his voice a low rumble. “Don’t do that. Just relax, baby.”

“Seb--” I whined hopelessly. I knew that, no matter how much I begged, he was ultimately going to do what he wanted. He was an ass that way. “Please, babe.”

“Please what?” Sebastian said, dragging his teeth along my neck.

“More,” I whimpered. I was so fucking pathetic, but Sebastian just did something to me. No matter what, he could break me down to a crying, begging mess of a girl.

“More?” Sebastian repeated. “Like this?” He added his ring finger with excruciatingly slow speed, and his thumb came to rest on my clit at the same time. My thighs quivered at the feel of his cool rings on my wet and tender skin, and I whined high in my throat. “Oh, so good, baby girl. Taking my fingers like this, such a good little whore.”

For a moment, I dared to look away from the television in favor of my boyfriend, and I found his steel-blue eyes locked on my face. A single dark eyebrow quirked, and he said, “You just can’t follow rules, can you?” Then, seeing my flushed face and bitten lips, clicked his tongue and cooed. “Aw. Want me to fuck you stupid, baby? Doesn’t seem like that’ll take too long.”

“Seb,” I breathed. “Just…” I flexed my hips, hoping that he understood, and he gave me a devilish smile.

“This is the good part,” Sebastian whispered in my ear, and his fingers began a slow and steady pace. “Watch it, baby girl.”

My entire body was burning hot, and I squirmed in Sebastian’s arms. He was on screen, his eyes tinted fully black as he pinned one of the boys to the floor, and I felt a spasm of lightening in my stomach when his fingers finally found that spot inside of me. I jostled in his lap and bit back my moan, and he gave a little huff. “How bad do you want it?” He whispered. “Bad enough to beg for it?”

“Yes,” I sobbed. “Please, Seb, please, fuck me. I need you so bad, please, please, Seb.”

Sebastian groaned deep in his chest, and his mouth latched onto my neck. He sucked at the sensitive skin, surely leaving a mark, and he dragged his fingers in and out of my wet heat. “Look at that,” Sebastian whispered as Chase landed a kiss on his opponent’s cheek. “I am the bad guy. You were right. How are you so fucking smart, baby?”

“I know you,” I said, my cheeks burning with his praise. “You wouldn’t play a good guy.”

“Ah,” Sebastian sighed. “I knew you were smart. Now, be a good girl for me and come all over my fingers. I know how bad you want to. Maybe, if you keep being so good for me…” His lips brushed my ear before he gave me a soft kiss on my hot cheek. “I’ll let you come on my cock later.”

Sebastian’s thumb made fast circles around my throbbing clit as I tried to do as he told me and watch the movie, but I was completely distracted. I could feel his hard cock through his jeans, and the thought of having him fuck me while his movie played was enough for me to shout “Seb!” and make a mess on his fingers. My thighs trembled as Sebastian shushed me comfortingly, and he pushed my hair aside and cradled my face in his free hand. “Oh, good girl,” he whispered softly. “So, so good for me, baby. Are you feeling better now?”

I nodded and swallowed thickly, my throat dry and tight. Sebastian brushed his lips against mine warmly, and he finally pulled his fingers from my throbbing cunt. The room was dark, only the television giving any light, but I still saw his fingers glistening in the light. He handed me his beer with his free hand and, before I could say anything, popped his fingers in his mouth. I watched him for a moment before taking a drink; even though the beer was a little warm, it helped soothe my throat. “Thanks,” I said softly.

“Mm,” Sebastian hummed around his fingers, then pulled them out. “For what, baby? You know I like making you feel good.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I just always like to thank you.”

“No need for that,” Sebastian said. “I know you appreciate it.” There was a pause, and then he groaned. “Fuck, c’mon! You guessed the twist in the first ten minutes!”

“It’s--!” I started. “It’s a PG-13 horror movie! These things are formulaic! You-- You aggravate me. Good thing you’re cute.”

“Or what?” Sebastian laughed. “You’d dump me?”

“Maybe not dump you,” I shrugged. “But I certainly wouldn’t let you fingerblast me while we watched a movie.”

Sebastian laughed, his eyes crinkling up, and he said, “God, you act like there wasn’t any romance.”

I scoffed. “Was there?”

“Oh, baby girl,” Sebastian chuckled. He pulled me back into his lap, my thighs straddling his waist, and he kissed me hard, his tongue dipping into my mouth. “I’ll show you fucking romantic I can be.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fic

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sooibian · 4 years

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Twist of Fate

image credits: @/exoxoxoid (twitter)

Pairing: Criminal Psychologist Kyungsoo x Crime Reporter OC (Miss Jung) ft. Minseok, Jongin

Description: Much against your wishes, you are back in your hometown to write about the murders of two young women - your only ticket out is the criminal psychologist who has been assisting Superintendent Kim Minseok with offender profiling.

Inspired by: Sharp Objects, The Fall and this moodboard by @is-that-baekhyuns-shirt

Tags/Warnings: Serial killer AU - angst, grief, loss, murders, descriptions of anxiety, reactive and attentive immobility, asphyxiation, indicative of humiliation, explicit and graphic situations. Please do not read onward if any of this triggers or upsets you!!!!

Word count: +3.7k

A/N: ...i need to stop watching crime dramas.

@leewalberg @his-mochi-cheeks @changshapatrol

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When you left Cheongsong, you’d left for good. Or so you’d thought.

Ten years later what brought you back was not your family, for you had none left, but the murders of two young women that had left the quaint little town, surrounded by hills artistically contoured by apple orchards, shaken and distraught.

Everyone knew each other in Cheongsong which should have made Superintendent Kim Minseok’s job easier, but he was caught in an ugly snare of emotions which seemed to have clouded his critical thinking faculties. These were people he knew closely, people he’d grown up with. For him, pointing fingers at any of them meant carving permanent cracks in relationships that were stronger than most familial ties.

“Off the record, then”, you shoved your scratchpad back into your purse, turned off the recorder with a click and looked at Minseok square in the eyes, only to find the amiable, portly, catlike footballer you went to school with hidden in their farthest, darkest depths - reduced to a mere whimsy. The memories of the man who sat before you, now seemed abysmally distorted by the colossal burden of the unknown.

“It never is.” He chuckled darkly, took a measured sip of his bourbon and rolled it around his tongue before swallowing. “Never thought I’d see you here again.”

“That makes two of us. Write about killings in your hometown...it makes an impact because it’s personal, my boss says. We’re to...exploit the fact that nobody substantial is covering this.” You recited, eyes trained on the sliver of grime on the coaster.

Minseok clicked his tongue in disapproval and enquired, “Where have you been staying?”

“A guest house by the Country Club.”

“So, not the Mansion”, he remarked callously.

Wounds that had barely healed came undone at the mention of your family home. Your throat tightened and you felt as if you had been shanked with a broken bottle in the stomach. The ill fated house reeked of misfortune, grief and loss. Its inhabitants had fallen one by one like lined up dominoes. This curse had forced you out to start a new life in Seoul.

“It’s still quite well kept, you know.” Minseok stated matter-of-factly.

Taking a deep swig of your bourbon, you explained earnestly as the burn of the liquid blazed down your throat, “Minseok, I want nothing more than to get out of here. So, please, give me something. A nugget.”

“I don’t want to be quoted on this. Or misquoted. This is all new to me as well. Two bodies in three months? Can you imagine?” Overcome with emotion, he ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

You put a comforting hand on his and offered in a voice laced with empathy, “Listen, from where I stand, all you need is a new line of inquiry and linking these two murders would give you one. I’ve seen the pictures.”

You swiped through images of two dark haired women on your phone - Park Soojin and Seo Jinri. Both of them were in their late twenties. They lay in their own beds as if soundly asleep, modesty protected only by sheer white blankets, crimson tinted lips parted ever so slightly, freshly painted nails shining in dim lighting. And roses. There were a couple of red roses placed by their side as if in condolence. The blood curdling strangulation marks around their necks made them look like dreadfully divine paintings.

“They could be sisters”, you observed with moist eyes, voice hushed to a whisper.

Contemplating on the images with pursed lips, Minseok responded with a tight nod and waved a 50,000 bill in the waitress’ general direction.

“Where’d you find these?” He asked in a threateningly calm voice, averting his eyes from your apparently disagreeable gaze.

“You know that’s confidential”, you replied, half-shrugging, nonchalant.

“I’ll drop you home”, he muttered, and shoved his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans.

With a defeated sigh you grabbed your purse and phone and proceeded to follow Minseok out of the only bar in Cheongsong, “No, it’s fine. I could use a walk.”

Suddenly, he turned around, searched your eyes for a fleeting second before admitting begrudgingly, “Kim Jongin. He’s the prime suspect in the first case. The murder of Park Soojin.”

Your legs froze. “What?! Why?”

You knew Kim Jongin, like you knew everyone else in this town. His family owned one of the biggest apple orchards in Cheongsong but Kim Jongin never manifested that in his behaviour. He was known to be friendly, kind, sensitive. Almost too sensitive some would say.

“That’s it. That’s your nugget. Here.” He handed you a business card bearing the name ‘Dr. Doh Kyungsoo’. “He’s been informally assisting with offender profiling. He’ll talk to you. Seems like he’ll talk to anyone, really. Now get in the car, it’s freezing out here.”

“Dr. Doh, thank you for taking the time to meet with me.”

Dr. Doh Kyungsoo’s home office was a detached unit with a separate entrance, distanced from his main residence. It was exactly the way you’d imagined a psychologist’s office to be - light coloured walls, comfortable chairs, soft pillows, insipid artwork. Neat and clean, fostering a sense of comfort for visitors.

The Doh family had moved into Cheongsong shortly after you’d left for Seoul. Coming from old money in search of some peace and quiet, they invested in agricultural distribution, Cheongyang Pepper farms and assumed one of the more significant estates to live in while their only son, Doh Kyungsoo, was sent abroad to pursue higher education.

“Please, call me Kyungsoo.” He took your hand in his, gave it a good, firm shake and gestured you to take the chair opposite his.

“I think ‘Dr. Doh’ should be fine”, you stated plainly and he acknowledged with a curt nod.

“What brings you here?” Asked Kyungsoo, holding your gaze, hands folded in his lap as he leaned back into his chair with a soft sigh.

Grimacing, you waved your recorder at him, “They say you’re my ticket out of this godforsaken place.”

Minseok had helped you set up the meeting so you thought it proper to waive cumbersome introductions and niceties and Kyungsoo seemed very much in sync with your line of thought.

He smiled, “I’m merely a bystander, Miss Jung, with slightly more informed opinions, maybe.”

“Informed opinions are what I’m here for, Dr. Doh.” You smiled back, “Superintendent Kim Minseok doesn’t seem to like you very much.”

“He’s a man shackled by bureaucracy and I’m a constant reminder of his team’s staggering incompetence, If I were him, I wouldn’t like me very much either.”

“Do you think there’s a link between the two murders?”

He nods. “I’m fairly certain there is.”

“But the police won’t look into it? Why is that?”

“Nobody likes a serial, Miss Jung. Besides, there’s no way the team could cope with the increased workload of linked inquiries. There are over a hundred statements, documents, officers’ reports waiting to be read and actioned. And the case of Park Soojin is a peculiar one.”

“Kim Jongin’s girlfriend? How so?”

“She was the ex-wife of a member of the parliament. This case does absolutely no favours to his image so he needs it solved immediately.”

The word solved was treated to air quotes.

“So, they’ve ruled him out as a suspect?”

“His alibi checks out. They suspect Kim Jongin.”

“Why? Just because Kim Jongin fled immediately after her body was found? How did the police react to that?”

“Because Jongin fled, his brother was asked to provide DNA which turned out to be a familial match to the DNA gathered at the crime scene. But that does not necessarily mean it’s the killer’s DNA. Miss Park was in a relationship with him. There’s no surprise his semen was found in her esophagus.”

“Do you rule him out as a suspect then?”

“I prefer to reserve my comment.”

“Why do you think he fled?”

“Grief drives us to do irrational things, Miss Jung. Maybe he just needed a breather from everything that was going on here. Can’t say for sure.”

“You’re certain the perpetrator is male?”

“Yes, I am. The perpetrator is male and an athletic one at that. Probably in his late twenties or early thirties. While the strangulation marks may be different, the pathologists reports suggest petechial haemorrhage in both cases which means he strangled and released and then strangled again, over and over. He’s either a sadist, or his hand lacks strength. You try it, grab my wrist.”

He extended his arm towards you and you politely declined. So he wrapped his right hand over his left wrist and held firmly for a few moments.

“Forty seconds. It’s amazing how quickly the hand tires!” He exclaimed as if awestruck. It was the maximum emotion the inscrutable Dr. Doh had displayed during the course of this interview.

“Victims of strangulation are known to make a mess of themselves. They defecate and / or urinate..”

“That is correct. The bodies were both found posed and clean. Which means he spent hours after, washing them and cleaning the sheets, even. There could be a religious angle to this. Washing away their sins...maybe his own, considering he probably gets into the bath with them.”

He pushed a cup of long gone cold tea towards you, but you shook your head. As a crime reporter, you thought you’d seen it all but the possibility of this being the work of a serial killer was a first for you. Also the fact that it was happening in the place you grew up in was starting to gnaw at you a little more aggressively than you’d liked.

“I’m not going to lie, Dr. Doh, this gives me pause for concern. Do you think there is a sexual angle to these killings? As far as I know, the victims have shown no signs of any such abuse.”

Kyungsoo sipped on his tea and worried at his lower lip briefly before responding. “I believe he’s the kind to take pictures, momentos from the scene. They sustain him between killings.”

“And the roses? There were..”

“Three next to Park Soojin’s corpse and two next to Seo Jinri’s.”

“Does it indicate -”

“- a countdown? Perhaps.” He studied your face intently and offered you tea again. This time you complied and then proceeded with the interview.

“There was no sign of forced entry in either cases. The police think the perpetrator was known to the victims.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You see, Miss Jung, the problem is that these cases were treated as self solvers from the get go and that’s where it all went wrong.”

His smile at the end of that sentence was one of finality, somehow indicative that you’d overstayed your welcome. To be able to milk him for all he was worth, you were going to let him loose for the time being.

Clicking your recorder off, you tilted your head to the side, smiled politely, “Well, thank you for your time, Dr. Doh.”

“It’s been a pleasure.”

While he was walking you to the front door, you couldn’t help but ask, “Dr. Doh, if I may, were the victims known to each other? Were they friends? Acquaintances?”

“That’s for the police to investigate. They were both in their late twenties, highly qualified - one was a solicitor the other a botanist, both tan with double eyelids, a little over 5 feet”, He took a step closer to you, instinctively you took an uncomfortable step back but found yourself trapped between him and the front door. His burgundy turtleneck smelt like warm, sweet gingerbread mixed with the contrastive redolence of something woody. He put his hand on the clip that held your hair in a bun, an elusive smile dancing on his lips as he allowed your hair to freely ripple down to your waist. “...and they both had dark, waist length hair”, he whispered into your ear, sending a frisson of fear down your spine.

You looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights as he slowly retracted. Eyes locked with yours and face contorted in a fierce frown, he concluded grimly, “You fit his profile.”

Unable to sleep well that night, you went for an early morning run the next day and took a detour to Minseok’s residence. After discussing your findings with him, he offered you a close protection officer who’d moonlight to provide you security just until they’d made an arrest. Which meant you’d have one uniformed officer standing guard outside your guest house all day. You knew that they wouldn’t have done this for you if your family name wasn’t Jung.

“Kim Jongin’s back in town.” Relief seemed to have smoothened the lines on Minseok’s forehead and there was a boost of confidence in his voice when he broke the news to you.

“Are you planning to take him in?” you asked, sipping on coffee in Minseok’s kitchen while he made you some eggs.

He looked victorious and his brows shot up to his hairline as he explained animatedly, “We have enough evidence to put him on trial. I’ll get the warrant in two days.”

“Hand to your heart, do you think he did it?”

“Yah, I’d never be able to make an arrest like that. If you promise not to quote me, I will say that -”

He peered at you questioningly and you eased him with a reassuring nod, “Go on.”

“This looks like the work of an outsider.”

Later that evening, you found Jongin seated alone at a table in the bar. Beaten, as if overcome with exhaustion he was crouched over a glass of scotch, a silent tear sliding down his cheek. You sat next to him and ordered him another drink.

“I killed her.” He stated simply, eyes trained on the empty glass in front of him. To see a man whose taste buds didn’t even agree with coffee back in the day downing hard liquor effortlessly, broke your heart.

“What?” you enquired, sparing no effort to lay the edge off of your voice.

“That evening, we’d had a huge argument. She- she’d been wanting to move out of here for the longest time and I never agreed. It was as if she knew!” Burying his face in his hands, he broke into full blown sobs. It was a while before he composed himself and spoke again, “Here, you have your story. Following a trivial spat, a small town chaebol kills his girlfriend.”

Shaking your head furiously in disagreement, you held him tightly by his shoulders, “This is your chance, Jongin. Speak your truth. Tell them that you didn’t do it. They’ll need to hear it from you!”

Jongin looked you in the eyes, his own brimming with tears, “I was twelve when my puppy died and I couldn’t seem to get over it. My mother gave me this book which said the only way men can get over grief is by showing indifference, I tried that with Soojin.”

Brows furrowed, you asked, “And?”

“It worked for an hour.” He chuckled darkly, “I loved her and I always will. At this point I just don’t care. I should’ve listened to her. Maybe I even deserve this. I see the way people look at me, I- I feel written off, ostracized. A goddamn parliamentarian wants me in. My truth won’t survive their might.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you started to talk him out of potential suicide, “Jongin -”

But he raised his forefinger to silence you. Trembling, he asked, “I just find myself wondering, can you die from a broken heart?”

Kim Jongin had turned himself in.

Acquiescent to the slow wheels of justice, moderately satisfied with the first draft of your article, and concerned about your safety, your boss agreed to call you back to the Seoul office, at least until there were further developments in the case.

During the course of your stay in Cheongsong, you drove past the little street leading up to the Mansion several times but not once did you glance in its direction. Before your flight the next morning, you decided to pay the house a little visit to say a final goodbye. The first snow had laid a fleecy white blanket on the ceramic roof that gleamed from the light of the astral light of the night sky. You were flooded with memories of chasing butterflies in spring, climbing the only mango tree in town which still stood proud in your backyard, the stories of monsters and ghosts your parents would read to you in the blanket forts you’d build together… blissfully unaware that in a not so far future this was all your life would entail - monsters and ghosts.

The great oakwood front door turned on its hinges and a familiar aroma of caramel apple hotteok invited you in. They say every house has a peculiar smell and yours smelt of caramel apple hotteok, even after all this time. Your lips curled upward at the strangeness of your sentiments. The demons you tried so hard to escape all your life seemed like bad dreams and what was left of this place within you was just the good. The pure, unadulterated joy that was once your childhood.

You proceeded to the kitchen to fetch yourself a cup of hot water, and that’s when you heard a knock on the front door. You ignored it at first thinking it was just the wind but the knock came again. Louder, this time. You left the kitchen to answer the door.

“Dr. Doh!” you exclaimed, utterly surprised to see him here at this hour.

“Miss Jung”, he smiled sheepishly, “I went by the guest house but the guard said you were at the Mansion. I just wanted to say goodbye, I’m leaving for Gyeonggi in the a.m.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Uh - I’m sorry, please, come in.”

He followed you to the kitchen and said apologetically, “I hope I’m not imposing.”

“No, not at all! Never quite realised just how massive this house actually is - It was starting to eat me up. Gyeonggi, you say?”

“Oh, it’s a cursed life as an independent consultant, Miss Jung. I’m mostly living out of a suitcase..”

“I wish I could say differently. So your presence here was requested by Minseok’s team?” You asked as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

“No, I arrived just about a month before the first murder. My parents passed in a car crash three years ago. So I decided to sell the estate and the pepper farms.” He explained, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Would you like some tea? I brought some tea bags with me. I don’t know which tea it is, though.” You offered, mindlessly pouring hot water into two cups.

“Sure” , he nodded.

“So did you?”

“What?”

“Manage to sell everything? And I’m sorry - uh about your parents.”

You didn’t feel sorry. What you felt was an inexplicable weight in your chest rendering you breathless. Your heart started pounding erratically and your mind clouded over with a sense of impending doom as you went about the mundane task of making tea.

“You seem a little out of it, Miss Jung. Is something bothering you?” He got off his chair and guided you to yours as your legs threatened to give away.

You sipped on some warm tea to steady yourself and said to Kyungsoo, “Oh, no it’s … It’s just this house. Maybe you were right, Dr. Doh. This isn’t a good time. I’m sorry but I might have to ask you to leave.”

Kyungsoo didn’t react. At all. He stood still, eyes fixed on your trembling frame.

“Park Soojin wasn’t his first kill”, he whispered.

“What?” you asked feebly, still trying to get a hold of yourself.

Kyungsoo sauntered over to the kitchen counter and brought you a glass of water. “Pay attention, Miss Jung. Park Soojin wasn’t his first kill. He was sloppy with the first one and it was only by a stroke of luck that he managed to get away. So he planned better with Soojin. Got even better with Jinri.”

Startled, you looked him in the eyes and he gave you a smile that raised goosebumps on your skin.

Unperturbed Kyungsoo continued, pacing leisurely in the kitchen, a spine-chilling hint of exhilaration in his voice. “His criminal sophistication indicates that he understands criminology and knows police work. Unfortunately, Miss Jung,”, his voice dropped and you suddenly felt shackled to your seat. Squirming, but unable to make any big movement like reaching out for something that was heavy or sharp or both, “The tragedy is that he’s always believed he’s inferior to these women. But -”

Kyungsoo levelled his face with yours and grinned with a glimmer of victory in his eyes, “for every tragedy, there is a happy ending.”

It took all you could muster to hold it together and dash for your purse to retrieve your cell phone. But you didn’t find it in there.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” asked Kyungsoo, teasing as he pulled your phone from the inside pocket of his overcoat and handed it to you.

You tried to turn it on to no avail. Voice as steady as could be, you said to him, “Please, please just leave!”

He took two easy steps towards you and you found yourself encased between his body and the wall. “Well then you shouldn’t have let me in! Tell me something, how could the close protection officer have given me your whereabouts if you dismissed him immediately after Jongin’s arrest? Haven’t you learnt since you were a little girl - always keep your guard up. Think before you speak. Did you think you were invincible?”

He took your hand in his and guided you back to the kitchen table. Eyes brimming tears, body trembling, and mind overcome with dread you followed him as if he were the pied piper. The familiar scent of gingerbread wafted up your nostrils making you nauseous.

As soon as you took a seat at the table, he put on his gloves, and lay a bottle of red nail polish and a red rose before you.

“Just think about how you can be with them again, Miss Jung. And don’t worry...I’ll be gentle.”

***

A/N: YES! you’re absolutely right! i just wanted to write turtleneck murderer Soo -_-

#exosnet #exowritersnet #kyungsoo angst #kyungsoo smut #kyungsoo fluff #kyungsoo fanfic #exo fanfic #exo smut #exo angst #exo imagines #kyungsoo imagines #exo fanfiction #kyungsoo fanfiction

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aks3raao1 · 3 years

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Uhhh, well first there was this torture game involving my family (everyone died in front of my eyes by different methods(Mom: Hand mangled, infected and blood loss; Grandpa: Pecked by a bird, crushed by an aeroplane, Rest killed off screen by drowning in a flooded chamber)) and then I went to Egypt to look for a cure with Shuichi Saihara and Korekiyo and Shuichi was telling me a story about how two rivals became two rivals (which was exactly what had happened in the beginning of the dream where Nagito talked about his love™ for Hajime except he introduced a fan of the spy character (me) and made the spy character a male) which caused me to become wary of him. Then we all reached the Pyramids where there were people cosplaying the gods from the Egyptian Pantheon and Korekiyo began monologuing on The Book Of The Dead (which talked about resurrection due to dream logic apparently). And Shuichi and I became extremely involved in that resurrection drama. Shuichi was also trying to unlock the mystery behind Korekiyo and he is a serial killer who kills girls to send as "friends" to his deceased sister. However there are multiple theories behind what actually happened which Shuichi talks about later on) while I was more interested in the resurrection and the ways to do so.

And then there was an abrupt scene change to my school which had opened after the quarantine (and I was weirdly relieved because I had successfully done something but after the teacher thing, it became apparent that the success wasn't about school) and my mom was somehow alive again but I was shown to be staring at her hands and remembering what had happened (I had memories of the last two incidents) while she was just being normal and called a teacher to ask about me while I shrunk away (#just student things) and our school resembled a church in the middle of a garden type thing. There were white chairs laid out and I remember thinking that they looked like gravestones and shivered and then told mom that I was going inside because I didn't want to think about *that* now.

Our school looked....weird to say the least. They had renovated it so everything felt wrong because the colours were darker and earthy instead of the light ones I was used to and the stairs were all arranged differently as well. I grabbed a friend and we both went to find our class. Instead of two sections, we had four sections now and were very confused where to sit because we hadn't been informed of it prior to this. We sat down in a random section and I began doing my English work (which I had actually been doing when I fell asleep irl) but the time came and went and no one entered the class (Class eight for some reason), so we realised that we had made a mistake and we remembered that we were in ninth and I was like, "Oh fuck, the time is nearer than I thought" and we ran to our actual class where our classmates were. She went and started talking to another friend and I was left alone to find a seat. I saw Makoto Naegi (Protagonist of Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc) who looked extremely nervous for some reason and said in narration,

"All the protagonists have been sent back in time to steer their respective classes away from the Killing Games and prevent the apocalypse before it starts. Will they be able to do it?"

Then the POV went over to Shuichi who had extremely distorted memories from the Killing Game was playing Detective on himself to figure out what they meant. He remembered that he desperately needed to figure out what was going on with Korekiyo, that Tsumugi was important and that Kokichi was dangerous but the other memories were too disjointed for him to figure out.

He tries to get Kokichi who's trying to. Uh, nail Tsumugi to the bulletin board with actual nails and hammers. Shuichi's horrified and believes that Kokichi is the one responsible for his Killing Game due to this kind of malicious attitude (and also because Tsumugi is a damned good actor at playing the victim + she might not be actually planning the Killing Game then) and he tries to actually restrain Kokichi who sees Shuichi and flees while Tsumugi falls to the ground crying. Shuichi runs over to comfort her and thinks of how Kokichi while pranking others never felt malicious at all but now he realises that he could have made a mistake. However it's also implied that he wants to get information about why Kokichi behaved the way he did since he obviously knows more than he lets on.

POV shifts over to Kokichi for a brief moment to show that he's the one with all memories intact but he cannot divulge them for game balance.

Then we see Shuichi who has remembered Korekiyo's case and is devising two theories on it:

a) Korekiyo is a loony delusional serial killer who loves to kill girls and is just using his own sister as an excuse (who he has killed himself too)

b) His sister was a dangerous psychopath (visualised by her turning into a snake and wrapping herself around his body in a sexual manner while he's in pain™) and that she emotionally manipulated him to do this and her ghost didn't abandon him even when he died.

As he's ruminating on this, the POV shifts to Hajime who's talking to Nagito and Chiaki and has a brief flashback to his time as Izuru Kamakura.

Now this is a divergence from actual canon in terms of backstories as we see Hawks grab Izuru and tell him that he will make him feel (in a fatherly found family way) something. A time period elapses where there is a part where Hawks takes Izuru to a fair and is talking about how great chicken nuggets and other chicken dishes are while Izuru emoily licks an ice-cream.

At the end of the time period, Izuru claims that he still can't feel anything and Hawks goes, "Well....I failed then" and flies him to a rooftop. Izuru is confused slightly when Hawks bends over him (no, not sexually, enough sex is enough) and then blood splatters onto Izuru's face and he realises that Hawks is bleeding from a fatal wound and that he had done that to save Izuru from being attacked. Hawks falls down, heavily injured as Izuru sits up and sees Tanizaki who's somehow an assassin here and is flying as well somehow. Izuru asks Hawks why he did this since Izuru could have saved himself too and then Hawks goes, "Because I am a hero", not really expecting Izuru to react much. (Note that chronologically, an apocalypse is going on now and Tanizaki has probably fallen into Despair and Hawks is tryna save the world or whatever). However Izuru does react and starts crying because this is the first time anyone saw him as a person who needs to be saved too.

It's implied that Hawks died here in actual memory but then Hajime pushes forth and invents a part where Hawks actually doesn't die there and instead gets up and fights Tanizaki.

Now Hawks's death was the reason Izuru wanted to save the world (mine was my family, Shuichi's was basically everyone but mostly Korekiyo, Makoto's was everyone), but since Hajime wanted to save everyone, he wanted to save Hawks as well.

However if he saved Hawks, then his reason to save others would vanish in that instant, causing a paradox and things to be reset.

Then I woke up with the message that, "Our traumas along with our happy times influence who we are now".

.............you be waking up to life lessons daily mah dude * finishes popcorn and claps* talk abt inspiring. Other than that, do you need a hug?

#danganronpa #mha #danganronpa x mha #dream #danganronpa dream #bnha #crossover #Hawks #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #drv3 korekiyo #izuru kamukura #our traumas along with our happy times influence who we are now

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project-paranoia · 3 years

Text

Live Watch: S.C.I. Mystery Episode One

I enjoy camp because I've always enjoyed analysis and examination. I enjoy looking at something from all sides, testing it with my fingertips. When I was a child I would sit for hours just looking at something until I had it all held in my mind and I felt like I understood it. Camp necessitates that understanding the way that imitation and - good - parody requires it. To quote Susan Sontag - who articulated what camp is so well - Camp is "a sensibility that revels in artifice, stylisation, theatricalisation, irony, playfulness, and exaggeration rather than content." Because of this camp takes on head to head gender, sexuality, expectations, any sort of defined norm and sequins it up then shakes it down until understanding comes out. When understanding something there are three major ways to work your investigation - what it is, what it's imitation is - the close but not quite, and what it isn't. Camp handles all three, to quote again: "Camp sees everything in quotation marks. It's not a lamp, but a 'lamp; not a woman, but a 'woman.'"

Why are we talking about camp? Because SCI Mystery is some of the best kind of camp outside of drag or screaming about wire hangers. It deals a lot with mental illness in a way that would destroy a serious show, but in this one "mental illness" is a metaphor for being marginalised and a way to talk about the mouse and cat in the room. This show is about being queer. About being gay loudly and quietly, about resisting specific labels and needing them, about the threat of a cure and the blessing of acceptance. All the messy realities of queer life as varied as queer people. Like Lil Nas X's Montero, you can appreciate the effort without being comfortable with it. While the show's allegory of mental illness when many queer people are still told they are ill is done well and there is reason to the choices and tone, things are said which can be hard to hear. Knowing they're there because they're hard to hear and have been heard doesn't help everyone.

With all that said, it's also a fun, silly bl drama. Don't let the analysis scare you off. While the information about camp can be something to be aware of, all this show requires to be enjoyed is a willingness to be amused and spooked in turns.

You know the drill, spoilers below!

* I have memorised the youku sound, I have a triggered response with it. Not all triggers are bad, this one reminds me of Guardian

* Welcome to episode one where we just leap in! But don't worry, one of them has a cute earring and they are colour coordinated.

* Watching from youtube the episode is 38 minutes long while most of the others are 45. Attach whatever emotion you want to that fact.

* The exposition is handily delivered by asking a question which tells us some things, thank you show, I appreciate it

* First episode and he's already giving his partner an in case I don't come back letter to be opened if he dies

* Wait for me!~ Go!~~

* Slow walk with dramatic music: 1 (don't make this a drinking game You Will Expire) this time with bonus almost looking back

* I've seen a similar shot on Hawaii Five O

* Don't explain what's happening, just knock everything over with a jump kick in some absolutely spotless white tennies

* Running with dramatic music with bonus looking back: Does it count? We have yet to hear back from the judges

* They leap into the water with an explosion behind them, we are less than 2 minutes in and I love that for them

* At first I thought the boats were making a big heart before I remembered that I am very silly and they are not doing that

* This one is going to be long

* I can see his pockets through his trousers, why are his trousers so thin?

* It's not kissing to dramatic music in the surf if it's CPR

* Each story line has its own intro and that's very sexy of them

* Slow walk/dramatic music: 2-6

* These people are totally goofy and and yet the Seriousness

* Two Weeks Ago!

* The police school bus has arrived to shoo away the crows circling around Dr. Zhan staring (dramatically) at the body

* Sport scar policeman dresses even more unprofessionally than Zhao Yunlan who at least looks like a detective who was jumped by so many criminals he just gave up wearing a suit and went for jeans. Chief Bai's clothes are so thin, I'm under constant anxiety someone is going to tear them off.

* Also several of the cast pictures on MyDramaList look like the pictures your auntie insists taking to send to your other aunties and I love that for them

* Triple axil spin from the victim, the judges are loving it - this is the camp I'm here for

* The dramatic slo mo and music budget for this show was so big, just as it should be

* He's mad because he's angy

* Master Psychiatrist can tell all about the killer from crouching by the body, it's a trope and this is one of the few places I like it because it serves the show instead of the show serving it

* When you're almost boyfriend is going away for reasons and it's not your decision but you can't go with him because of your job so you're just low key bitter about it

* "You can't control me"

* The pettiness between these two

* Professional women who worked hard to get where they are still are constantly obsessed with boys according to most cdramas

*The male posturing in those three second has accidentally circled back around to being gay in the way those bro shows accidentally do and I love that

* I live for this 80s-90s police chief perm

* The Pettiness

* I always tend to like doctor characters, I don't know why. Even when they aren't my favourites I like them.

* She's kind of adorable, I like her (I've seen a lot of this show and every time I say I like someone it ends badly ;-; )

* "the victems"

* If you love Creative English, this is the show for you!

* Chief Bai's crew is trying so hard to get them back together

* Dr. Zhan is so good at psychology he can tell what someone looks like from some tire tracks - this trope is used all the time in crime shows, but they push it a little farther in SCI and it really helps the viewer know what the rules for the show are

* The scene in the psychiatrist's office hearkens back to queer coded villains and the way they're treated in old black and white horror cinema - but done so artfully it's almost invisible. It's incredibly well done, and the awareness of tropes and types all throughout the series is tremendously successful as much as it's campy fun.

* There's also the trope of someone who manipulates someone into feeling like they've been "purified" and then weaponises them against the "filthy". And of course the fact that the killer's blade is a mirror - that he's killing in others what he sees in himself. This trope hasn't just been queer-coded but has been applied to any sort of physical or mental disorder. Thesis have been written about this trope and the anxiety attached to it. I can't write them better and this is long enough, it's just a small part of the excellent handling of the themes showing up in this genre and I wanted to point it out because it deserves appreciation for the skill and knowledge in the writing.

* The whole you need evidence vs you're saying psychoanalysis isn't trustworthy feels very much like a coded angry exes discussion

* I love the establishing shots, so good

* He kind of deserved that door to the face, what was he even doing

* Police violence in crime shows is supposed to be a release for the viewer, but many countries have issues with police violence so it hits wrong. Here it's far more performative in a way that at least has some awareness

* The weirdest phone call, you call someone to tell them something important and they say two things to you and hang up

* The tongue thing, why always the tongue thing?

* When a serial killer tries to compliment you by calling you a carnivore and you shut down the whole alpha male supposition by calling yourself a vegetarian

* At this point I've written almost fifteen hundred words and taken almost two hours to watch 23 minutes

* This is my life, these are my choices

* Dutch Angles

* You could make this conversation about being gay, I have had this conversation about homosexuality before

* Unfortunately while I had it I was on the bus trapped in a window seat

* The conversation didn't end with me saying something cool and everyone clapping

* They just got off the bus to go to work

* The banality of evil, yo

* Her shorts are Incredibly Short, good for her

* "arrest the perp behind my back" that's his job, broheim

* He doesn't ask why she checked behind their ears

* DUN dun dun!

* Slo mo file drop, and of course the file is blood stained and aged

* Chalk Art of Doom

* Chinese word play!

* Caught almost putting his coat over his crush, embarrassing XD

* Backstory!

* I love all the little character details, I could quote lines I think are funny all day but that would start getting silly

* Bai Yu Tong is marked as clean and having OCD but we don't see what's apparently a huge character trait at all other than the all white, do love that he's good at cooking

* Dr. Zhan: Brilliant! Genius! Cannot feed himself.

* Dr. Gong has indifference level 100% which is true and also I love that for him

* I love that Wang Shao part of the team because he's good at making friends, I love that for him

* Poor Zhao Fu: scared of ghosts and dumb and sweet? At least he has an 8 pack

* Jiang Lin is very tropey except the mention of her nearsightedness

* Ma Han's height 1.7m and legs 1.8m is hilarious and I love it

* I stopped recording the slo mo walks, but if you were drinking along with them you might be dead so I really appreciate you taking time out of your afterlife to continue reading. We appreciate all our ghost readers

* And that's the first episode! Thanks for making it to the end!

#SCI Mystery #SCI谜案集 #watchthrough #let's watch

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babybatscreationsv2 · 3 years

Text

SpiderVerse: Predators ch25

Marvel | Starker

Peter Parker is barely keeping it together. Dealing with Gwen Stacy's death, Harry Osborn going MIA, and MJ refusing to take his calls, has the guy feeling seriously run down. Now to top it off, his uncle Ben is facing serious prison time. Fortunately or unfortunately, New York's own Kingpin of Crime, Tony Stark, has offered him a deal to save his uncle. On a positive note, this Kingpin guy is kind of hot. Is it wrong to sleep with a murderous criminal?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings under the cut

warnings: mentions of violence, mild degrading language

Peter was on edge. His every waking moment was like drowning in a pool of anxiety. Where was Murdock? Was Harry okay? Would Elsa betray them? And then there was Tony. Tony who could be so fragile when it came to their relationship. Peter didn't know much about his past, but he'd pick up on the abandonment issues. Tony didn't like it when it was away. But Peter had other things to worry about.

May was happy that he was home, though she seemed worried by the change. At least Peter could see that she was doing okay. She was clearly still in pain. Every time something reminded her of Ben she would sob and end up leaving the room to go cry. Sometimes, though, she laughed. The happy memories came almost as often as the reminders of loss. Peter wished he hadn't left. He should have been here with her suffering the same cycle of suffering and grief. He deserved it.

George Stacy had apparently been coming over once a week. He and May had their own sort of potluck night. They each prepared a dish and they ate together which was super awkward now that Peter was home.

Happy also went with May on her regular bingo night. Once a week, they went out for breakfast together. May's social life was far more impressive than his own. Too bad he had killed or driven off every friend he had. It just made him miss Tony more, but at the same time, Tony made him feel lonely. Tony added an extra element of secrecy to his life that took him from 'double-life' to 'triple-life'. Tony Stark was a villain in Spiderman's world. He wasn't much better in Peter Parker's. He wasn't sure who that made him when they were together. The Kingpin's pet? Spiderling? Whatever it was, it was a whole different mentality. Spiderman had a darkness that threatened to come out and kill, but Tony Stark called on a different darkness. One that he could say he liked even less. Yet, he'd gotten a taste for poison and it would kill him if he stopped now.

The only time Peter felt comfortable leaving May alone was when he knew she was with Happy. He didn't know the guy personally, but if he knew Tony, then he knew his life was on the line if he fucked up. Those are the moments that he stole away to soothe what anxiety he could. He went to visit Elsa.

It had been one week since Venom went into Harry's body. Whatever the creature was doing... well, it was doing something. Harry's skin was more normal and less lizard-y now. His legs were back to human proportions. There were a few patches of green skin left, but Peter had hope that a few more days should do it.

Elsa was a train-wreck. Her hair was tangled and stuffed into a bun on top of her head. She kept losing her glasses. Peter came in one day to find her stumbling into things. When he helped her find her glasses, she broke down crying. Apparently she hadn't needed them ever since she first bonded with Venom. The bruises on her shins from running into the coffee table were all reminders that it wasn't there looking out for her.

"It'll be over soon and you can have Venom back," Peter assured her. They sat together on the couch.

Elsa sniffled and nodded her head. "Just a little while longer. I know."

"Have they been able to communicate with you at all?"

Elsa nodded, then she laughed, the sound bursting out of her. "They said 'food'." Peter laughed, too. "I've been feeding them bits of chocolate. Not great sustenance for a human, but it's what Venom needs."

"You made a monster in a lab that only eats chocolate."

Elsa smiled fondly. "They're my monster."

Peter felt a prickling all the way down his spine. He went to the window and looked out. No sign of trouble. Then he heard screams and glass shattering.

"I gotta go."

"Take care, Spiderman."

Peter raced through the city. There was a pit in his stomach that only grew as he continued on. And then finally, he reached Stark Tower.

A crowd, no, an angry mob was gathered around the building. People threw rocks and bricks. Tower security held the doors, but Peter could see a paramedic kneeling over a woman on the floor. People were screaming, chanting. They said Stark had stolen from them, spread drugs through neighborhoods, killed their loved ones.

"What the hell is going on?"

A news van down on the ground was reporting on the scene. Spiderman swung down closer to listen in. The reporter posed in view of the fight to get through the doors. She spoke quickly into her microphone.

"Here at Stark Industries the crowd is growing increasingly violent as Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries, refuses to make an appearance. There has been no comment yet from anyone at SI and no information has come to light about the leak. Police are arriving now with a warrant for Mr. Stark's arrest, but will any of these outlandish claims prove true? The public seems to think so."

Peter swung around the block and climbed up to the top of the tower. The window into Tony's office opened at his touch and he slipped inside.

"Tony?" He wasn't in his office. Peter ran to the hidden apartment, but he wasn't there either. He dialed his cell phone and got no answer. The second time he tried the number had been disconnected.

Peter sat down on the bed. He put his head in his hands. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Everything felt so out of control. Tony was missing and in trouble. He didn't know where to find Murdock. He didn't know if Harry was going to be okay. And May, was May even safe?

Then he got a call over the Spiderman line.

"Spiderman?"

Peter lurched to his feet. "Tony? Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Fucking Felicia Hardy," he growled. "But don't worry about that, sweetheart. I wanted you to know that I'm safe. I need to lay low for a while."

"And then what?"

"We don't have any choice but to play it by ear. I have people working to make this all go away, but if it doesn't work out then I guess there will be no more Kingpin of New York."

"What does that mean?"

"It means throwing away everything I've built and finally retiring. Morocco seems nice."

"You can't leave."

"I might not have a choice." He paused. "Would you go with me, Peter?"

"I..." He stopped and thought. He would have to give it all up, too. Being Spiderman, trying to protect New York, trying to save people. Maybe he could be Spiderman in Morocco, but all of the work he had done would go waste when the villains took over. Maybe another hero would come to replace him. Maybe that would be for the best.

"It's okay. You can think about it. May could come too, you know. It might even be nice."

"I'll think about it. Stay safe."

"Don't worry about me, darling."

"Let me know of there's anything I can do."

"You're sweet, but I won't ask you to murder Felicia Hardy for me. Besides, I want the pleasure."

Peter let out a breath. "If I find her, I'm turning her in for art theft."

"Then it's a race to find her first. Good luck, dearest spiderling." Tony hung up the call.

Peter stood staring at his phone, unsure of what to do next. It didn't seem like there was anything he do to help Tony. He spent the rest of the day trying to get caught up on school, but it was almost impossible to concentrate. Then someone rang the doorbell.

Peter was up and running for the door in a flash. "I'll get it, May," he called.

"Thanks, Pete," she said from the couch. She was watching one of the many nearly identical crime dramas. He pulled the door open and was struck speechless.

Tony offered him a charming smile. "Peter, darling. I hope this isn't a bad time."

"I uh..." Peter blinked rapidly, processing what he was seeing. Tony Stark, his boyfriend, the Kingpin of New York, the wealthiest man on the Eastern Seaboard, was standing on the doorstep of the rickety little house his family only owned because his father's father's father bought after immigrating so many decades ago. The house could have fit in one of Tony's bathrooms which had less to do with the size of it and more because it was shit by comparison.

"Sorry, I didn't call. I had to disconnect everything I own including my car's GPS."

"Uh..." Peter continued to stare, but when Tony shifted anxiously he finally snapped out it, remembering the constant danger. "Come in."

He stepped aside and Tony entered. May looked over the back of the couch.

"Mr. Stark? It's good to see you again," she smiled, but her eyes cut to Peter. The 'what the fuck is going on' went unspoken. Especially since they had something of an unspoken agreement that May didn't trust Tony because Ben hadn't liked him and therefore only sort of approved and only then because Peter seemed happy.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. Parker. I needed a place to stay the night and Peter said it would be alright if I stayed here."

She looked at Tony then she looked at Peter. "Of course that's fine. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you."

"Come on, Tony." Peter grabbed his hand and dragged the man upstairs but it was only once they were in his bedroom that he realized what a mistake that was. His walls were covered in posters for tech conventions, Stark Industries announcements, fan posters of other super heroes.

Tony smiled, looking around the room. "This is about what I imagined."

"Why are you here?"

"It's this or sleep in my car and I'd rather be here where I know you're safe."

"What's going on?"

Tony sighed. He sat down on Peter's bed and picked up a Rubik's cube from his nightstand. "Showed up at the safe house to find all of the windows broken and the police everywhere. Since there's a warrant and all, I thought I would avoid that mess."

"May is gonna lose her shit when she realizes you're wanted."

Tony shrugged. "She won't turn me in, though. You know she won't."

"No, but she won't be happy."

"Are you happy I'm here?" He looked at him with the saddest puppy dog eyes. Peter hadn't known he could make that face.

"I missed you."

Tony smiled and Peter couldn't help but smile back. He went to the bed and straddled Tony's lap, letting himself get drawn into a heated kiss.

Peter looked into his dark eyes. "How did all this happen?"

"Well you see," Tony began. "I emotionally blackmailed you and then-"

Peter rolled his eyes. "I meant your company being literally on fire."

"Felicia let the world know that maybe I'm involved with tax evasion, and corporate fraud, and also the drug trade. Everyone's a victim," he sighed.

"You do realize that a lot of people are dead because of you."

Tony shrugged. "A lot of people are employed because of me, too."

"That doesn't fix it."

"Some evils concern me more than others." He trailed his fingers down Peter's chest and set his hand down on his thigh. "I have other concerns at the moment." His fingers brushed over Peter's crotch, his cock instantly taking interest.

"Here?"

Tony smirked. "How many times have you laid in this bed jerking off while you looked at posters of me?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "Never. I never liked you that much."

Tony grinned. "Not even for an imagined hate fuck?"

"You think too much of yourself." Peter rolled his eyes, giving him a smile in return. Then he kissed those smirking lips. It felt like coming home. They stay tangled up and making out for a while. Then Peter pushed Tony back to lay in the bed. He stood up and went to lock the door.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and slipped off his jeans. Tony watched him with hunger as he pulled off his underwear. He climbed back on top of him, kissing him, devouring each other's mouth.

Peter reached down and slowly pulled up Tony's shirt. He slipped down the bed and pressed kisses to his skin. He kissed the softening muscle of his abdomen and pressed his lips to the warm metal of the arch reactor then he kissed the hollow of his throat.

"My spider," Tony sighed. His hands rested on Peter's back. Peter sucked a bruise under his jaw. Tony hand slid up his back and grabbed a fist full of his hair. "My spider," he said again.

Peter licked his lips. He looked into those deep, dark, eyes and found hunger. "Show me," he challenged.

Tony stood, holding Peter in his arms. Then he threw him down on the bed. He pulled off his t-shirt and stood in only his jeans, scarred and strong chest so beautifully on display like a king or a god or Peter's own wet dream. Then he was on top of them, the both of them panting heavy. Peter gasped, whining quietly as Tony pressed kisses all over his body. He clamped a hand tight over his mouth to muffle the noises he made as Tony bit and sucked marks into his skin. On his thighs, his belly, his chest.

"Gotta keep quiet," Tony chuckled. "Your poor aunt will have a heart attack."

Peter grabbed him, pulling him up so their eyes were level. "Shut up and fuck me."

Tony grinned. "I think I've been a terrible influence on you." Peter reached up to the drawer beside his bed and offered Tony a bottle of lube. He took it with only the most devilish smile. He pressed a slick finger into Peter's hole, continuing on.

"You've become greedy, demanding," he pushed in a second finger. "Entitled even."

Peter's legs spread, trying to wrap around Tony's waist and pull him in.

"You're spoiled and rotten. Do you know that?" Tony teased.

"Tony," he panted as Tony fingered him. "Put your fucking dick in me," he demanded and the back of Tony's hand cracked against his face. Peter gasped, then moaned as pain exploded through his face.

Tony stared him down. "Is that what you need? Discipline?"

Peter shivered. His face was so dark, so vicious, like Peter was prey he couldn't wait to devour. "Please," he said.

Tony smirked. "If your aunt weren't home I'd put your right over my lap, sweetheart, until you're kicking and screaming. Give your bratty little ass a spanking."

"Please," Peter moaned.

"Another day, little spider. Now keep quiet for me." Tony reached down and unzipped his jeans. He pulled out his cock, pants just below his hips. Peter moaned as he pushed in, both hands covering his mouth as he tried to be quiet. Tony had found a quieter way of making it hurt, using just enough lube to push inside, but not quite enough. It burned as he pushed deep. Peter legs trembled and he clung to Tony's biceps. Peter whimpered quietly.

"That's a good boy," Tony purred. His eyes shined. The smile on his lips was dangerous.

He took his hands away to beg. "Tony, please," and he kissed him. Peter moaned and whined, sounds muffled by Tony's lips, as he fucked him slow and deep. His whole was body like a live wire, burning, vibrating with need. When Tony's hand wrapped around his cock his lips parted spilling soft whines into the air.

"Hush, little spider," Tony warned. "Wouldn't want Aunt May to know what a whore you are, would you? In here spreading your legs in your childhood bed, demanding to get fucked like a spoiled brat."

"Fuck," Peter groaned through clenched teeth.

"You can't help it can you?" He smirked. "You're too addicted to my cock."

"Yes." Tony tried to move faster and Peter grabbed his hip. "Not yet."

Tony kept moving slowly. He pressed kisses to Peter's neck that Peter answered with a string of kisses down his throat.

"Tony," Peter breathed his name against his skin. "I love you."

Tony answered him, lips brushing against his neck. "I love you, Peter."

"I thought you died, today."

"Never, baby. I'm unkillable."

Peter held his face and crushed their lips together, moaning as they kissed. Tony started to move faster, fucking him just as frantically. It burned. It hurt so good that it made his head spin. He felt his cock dripping onto his belly. His thighs squeezed Tony's hips, probably digging in bruises but he didn't have it in him to care. A hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed. Teeth bit into his bottom lip. He tasted blood and it only drove him higher. Another hand clamped around his mouth and he realized he was nearly screaming.

Tony kept fucking him while he came, gripping his hips when he finally quieted down and driving into him until he was spilling his own cum inside him. He laid down next to him, kissing him frantically until the fatigue set in.

Peter felt like crying. It was too much. Everything was too much, too overwhelming. At least Tony was here with him now. He could keep him safe as long as he was here in his arms.

#marvel #starker #spiderverse predators #kingpin!tony #dark!peter

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humbughana · 3 years

Text

Family Affairs

In which Rafe Cameron’s best friend falls apart.

“Lola!” my mother yelled from the door, “Get back here right now!”

As I walked away I grinned. Away from that house. Away from the emptiness.

A party. That was my destination tonight. Someplace to forget the broken house I came out of and make myself sick with something other than guilt or anger.

“Don't wait up.” I waved behind me as I rounded the sidewalk and away from the house completely. I think I faintly heard the door slam.

The familiar house in the distance was spilling out with teenagers and I could see the red solo cups a mile away. I sighed in relief and made my way towards the house. It was a friend from school, Topper’s house. We were close you could say, I was in their friend group more often than I was with my own these days. Girls were nosy, I realized. Too much talking and heart to hearts I couldn't stomach anymore.

So I walked into the crowded house alone and grabbed a cup.

“Go away.” I gritted out, smiling up at the boy I was dancing with. Topper stood off to the side with a frown.

“Lola-” I shot him a look that could kill and surprise took over his face before he shook his head and stalked off. I sighed in relief,

“Your boyfriend?” the stranger I was dancing with asked and squeezing my hips. I shook my head and grinned tilting my head up and pulling him down, placing my lips on his roughly.

And that's how my night went, jumping from boy to boy, filling up my cup when It got empty, anything to make me feel nothing at all. The alcohol had my body buzzing and my head fuzzy, the hands on my body had my attention and the music filled the rest.

It was perfect.

“Follow me.” another mystery boy leaned into my ear, his hand around my waist as he guided me into a side room. I frowned, wanting to go back to the main event but before I could open my mouth to complain he pulled out a little bag filled with a white powder I knew more than enough about.

“What is this?” I demanded, swaying slightly as he formed four perfect lines. All I could think about was Rafe Cameron.

I had helped him through his nasty addiction with this stuff. I saw the bad side of the fun drug and I hated it.

The boy made his way back to me and pulled me towards the table, “Just something to take the edge off baby.” He kissed the side of my neck as he stood behind me, urging me to take the dollar bill in his hand.

“Not interested.” I leaned out of his hold and he scoffed and his hands wrapped around my waist again, pulling me into his chest.

“Come on, don't be a bitch.” I snarled and shoved him away. His hands flew up as he let out a low laugh and shook his head. He rolled up the dollar bill and leaned down and swiftly cleared two lines. I swallowed as he held out the bill in my direction with a taunting smirk. I scowled and snatched it away, the intention to crumble it up and throw it across the empty room.

And that's how Rafe found us.

The rolled up bill in my hand in front of the poison that almost killed him. Two lines missing, the residue betraying me.

It took him a split second to scan the room, from the boy laid out on the chair, to me. His face hardened when he saw what I held and the scene in front of him.

“Let’s go.” Nothing in his tone betrayed his feelings, “Now, Lola.” I dropped the incriminating evidence and followed him, just happy to get back to the normal party. I went to step around Rafe, not having the energy to fight tonight. His hands grabbed me and pushed me into the wall, still out of view before the dying down party. I refused to look at him. Rafe had always been the one I went to for anything. I helped him through his dark times so that promoted us to best friends you could say. He knew everything about me and vice versa. Although I had no intention to tell him what made me numb tonight. My family drama was the last thing on my list for today.

“Let go.” I gritted out pushing my hands against his chest, my face relieving nothing but annoyance and hate. His hand found my chin and forced my head back and my eyes to meet his. I held his gaze and held my tongue.

I realized he was scanning my eyes for any signs of the familiar high, “ I didn't do anything.” I spat at him and he loosened his grip for a split second for me to shove us apart. “Leave me alone.” I turned my back on him, not before seeing the confused look on his face.

I knew I was out of line and being a bitch but I didn't care. I was always the one that held it together for everyone else.

So I grabbed another drink. And another.

I was totally and completely trashed.

My legs could barely hold me up and my vision was so blurred I was stumbling around the house. I could tell the party was coming to an end since I could easily see the three boys that were watching me, not so discreetly. I rolled my eyes every time I caught one of them.

“Do you want to get out of here?” I looked up at the first boy I danced with tonight. I didn't catch his name but the opportunity to leave the watchful eyes and not have to go back to my own house was blissful at this moment. So I nodded and his arm went around my shoulders leading me to the door.

“That's enough.” It was Kelce’s turn to step in, “Lola you’re not leaving with him.”

“Yes, I am.” I slurred and leaned into the boy.

“You don't even know him.”

“So?”

“Whatever, I’m leaving.” The boy let go of me and stalked off. I stumbled, losing my balance before Kelce held onto me and gently pulled me towards our friends.

“Seriously?” I whined, “You guys cant leave me alone for one night?” I put my hands on my hips, vaguely hearing how my words ran together.

“What's wrong with you?” Topper snapped and I smiled.

“Who cares?”

“You know we do.” He said quietly like I hurt his feelings. I rolled my eyes, “Yeah well I’m not in the mood.”

“I'm taking you home.” Rafe stood up and pulled his keys out, I opened my mouth but was beaten to it, “You can’t even stand up straight.” he snapped, angry as well.

Party's over.

I followed him out, having little options. I had no real intentions of going home tonight.

As he drove closer towards my house visions of today filtered through my head.

I had gotten home from practice early and found my dad fucking his assistant in our kitchen. The sight of his panicked face passing through my eyes had me squeezing my eyes shut.

‘Baby, it's not what it looks like’.

As I had my eyes trained on his 20 something-year-old whore getting dressed with a poorly hidden smile on her flushed face.

‘Please don’t tell your mother yet, he had said frantically I'll tell her myself I promise.’

So I turned around and ran out of the house and straight to the country club where my mother was and cried to her. I told her everything and all she did was pull me away and tell me she already knew.

She knew.

It was complicated, apparently.

So I left her there and drove around until night fell, got dressed and left.

I swallowed thickly as we turned down my street. My leg bouncing up and down and my hands shook.

The car stopped in front of my house. Both parents cars in the driveway as I just stared at the house. I could feel Rafe staring at me, probably waiting for me to get out.

“What's going on Lo?” Rafe spoke softly in the quiet car as I kept my eyes trained on the house. A light remained on in the kitchen. My vision became blurry and I turned to look at him and shook my head, “I can't go in there.” I pleaded.

That was all it took and we were driving again.

I must have dozed off because I woke up to my door opening and hands grabbing me. I jolted awake, gasping in a panic thinking I was at home.

“Relax,” Rafe undid my seatbelt as I scanned my surroundings. I saw his house and sighed in relief letting him grab me. I could barely keep my eyes open as he climbed up the stairs and laid me into his bed.

I woke up staring at a room that wasn't mine. Afraid to get up and have to deal with the hangover that came with my night. I went through the night and remembered most everything. The drinking, boys, drugs. I remember being a bitch to my friends and pushing them all away. I sighed and put my hand on my forehead. I looked at the bedside table and found my phone, seeing 26 missed calls from my mom and multiple texts.

We need to talk, Lola. Please come home.

I’m sorry.

A sickness that had nothing to do with alcohol rose up my throat and I rushed into the bathroom and threw up. I gasped for breath on the cold tiles and felt hands brush my hair back and a voice soothing me.

I don't know when I started crying but what came out at first as silent tears fell into full-blown sobs. Rafe picked me up off the floor and put me back in bed as I continued to cry until I fell back asleep from exhaustion.

When I came around again I heard hushed voices.

“Her mother is worried.” Rose.

“What's going on?” Rafe was upset.

“It's a family thing, Rafe.” Rose sighed, failing to sound serious and remorse leaked in. Pity.

“Bullshit, she is family.” He snapped, wanting an answer. I squeezed my eyes shut, my back to the door. A part of me wanted Rose to tell him, just so I didn't have to myself.

I heard her sigh, “Her dad has been cheating. She found them yesterday.”

I zoned out the rest as I processed the sound of someone else verifying the news. She knew.

“Hey,” Rafe sat on the bed next to me and slightly smiled. I looked up at him with what are surely red shot eyes and flushed cheeks. His face fell when my lip started to wobble again and pulled me into his lap and squeezed me.

“Why didn't you tell us?” he asked when I quieted down, “Or me?”

I shook my head, “I didn't want to talk about it.”

“You’re good to stay here as long as you want.” His hands ran through my hair as I sniffled against his chest.

“Thank you,” I spoke looking up at him through wet eyelashes.

“Always.”

#Rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #rafe x y/n #orignial character #outerbanks #obx #drew starkey #topper obx #topper #kelce outer banks

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jaehyunspeachparty · 4 years

Text

1.12

warnings: This story contains content that could be problematic for one or the other. Among other things, the story may contain content about sex, rape, late pregnancy, relationship with a large age difference, and others. Just because it's in the warnings doesn't mean these topics will appear, but they will definitely be covered in the story. The content of the story is fixed and doesn’t change. If you don't feel comfortable with these topics, then it's okay if you don't read the story. I just write down my ideas here and I just enjoy writing about life. The fact that some things in life are not rational or weird for some people is also part of it.

In the evening it was time for Sunoh to say goodbye to Chichi. He accompanied Yuta, Sana and Asami to take Chichi to the airport. "And you can call your aunts at any time. They are always there for you and if there is an emergency, then ..." Yuta couldn't stop talking and could almost not breathe. He was unsure that his daughter was going to Japan for three months and was all alone. "You've already said all of this. She'll be fine." Sana smiled gently and tried to calm her husband down. "But no going out, you're in bed in the evening." Yuta just couldn't help it. He was just always afraid for his daughter. "Dad, this is a dorm of a school. I can't stay away that long." Chichi sighed, but was already looking at Sunoh. He just stood there and stared at her. His hands were in his pocket and his shoulders fell down. Sana saw how he looked longingly at Chichi and she tried to pull Yuta a little to the side. "Come on, let Chichi and Sunoh say goodbye." She put Asami in Yuta's arms and smiled. "Daddy and I will buy you a pretzel now, okay?" Sana smiled and Asami's eyes suddenly widened and she started giggling. Yuta was reluctant to leave, but Sana was already pulling her husband away. "Chichi ..." Sunoh stood in front of her and looked down at her. "I'm ... I'm scared ...", the girl suddenly confessed and couldn't look her crush in the eye, but Sunoh took her in his arms. She pressed her red cheeks against his chest and his hands were over her hair and on her back. "I'll visit you soon," he said then and he had to fight back his tears. "I'll wait for you," Chichi then said and a tear rolled down her cheek. Slowly, Sunoh heard a soft sob. It was only three months that she would be in Tokyo. But being away from Sunoh every day hurts her a lot. "Really?“ Sunoh looked at her and he was kind of glad to hear that. She nodded and Sunoh pushed her chin up to him a little. "I will miss you so much." He leaned down a little and both of them had a sudden heartbeat. "I will miss you too." They stared at each other as their faces grew closer and closer to each other. The tension increased between the two. She longed for each other's kiss for so long and they were so close now. They absorbed everything, the smell of the other, the warmth, just everything. They were so close to their goal when suddenly they heard Yuta again. "Good, I also want to say goodbye again." Yuta separated the two while Sana rolled her eyes. She knew they were in love with each other. But she also knew that Yuta can be very engaging when it comes to his daughter. And Sunoh had great respect for Yuta, he looked up to him and he was always a part of his life. That's why he preferred to take a step back and let Yuta say goodbye to his daughter again. He hugged her, Asami kissed her older sister and then Chichi had to leave. Her flight was about to leave, so she had to get to her gate quickly. Sunoh stood still and stared after her, but he didn't move even when she was no longer in sight. Somehow it suddenly hurt so badly that she was gone now. He was happy of her success, of course, but at the same time he wished nothing more than that she would come to him that evening and they watch a few Animes together. Sana realized that Sunoh was not doing well. He looked so sad and it hurt her to see him like that. So she went up to him and hugged him thightly. And Sunoh dropped completely with her. He suddenly started crying and he was sobbing into Sana's shoulder. Finally he could let his pain out. Yuta stared at the two. He knew that Sunoh wanted something from his daughter, but for the first time he saw how much he loved her.

Miga was still studying at school. It was very quiet, very deserted. Jaehyun asked Jaemin to pick her up from school because the whole new crew from the drama was invited to dinner that evening. Jaehyun was very excited that he could film with his daughter again and that he was also a good friend on the team. Miga didn't know what to think. Neither does Jaemin. "Hey, I'm still in the library and I need about 5 minutes to get out. Call me shortly before I get there," wrote Miga Jaemin and put her phone back next to the book. It was difficult for her to learn, but she knew how important it was to you that she graduate from school. "I'm almost there. Come downstairs", Jaemin answered and Miga answered with a short "okay". She packed up her things and turned off the light. It was already dark since it was winter. There was hardly anyone in the school and it almost looked grim. But Miga didn't think about it because she was somehow excited to see Jaemin again. She had already taken off her school uniform earlier and put on a tight black dress. She knew her father was against it and wanted to throw a blanket over her, but she also wanted to show the best for Jaemin. So Miga quickly checked her makeup and then went out of the library. Her high heels echoed down the hall. The sound was so loud that she could hardly hear anything else, but when she saw another shadow that was not hers, her pulse rose immediately. She turned around and suddenly someone stood there she knew too well. "Soori? What are you doing here?" Her ex-boyfriend was suddenly standing in the hallway, still wearing his school uniform and his hands were in his pocket. "You've been ignoring me lately. I want to meet you," he said, staring at her. Miga was really in love with him for a while, but she was absolutely no longer interested in him. He had always tried to get to her for the last few months, but Miga let him down. She had known other men, better ones. "Soori, I really have to ..." Miga wanted to turn around when another boy from her class came towards her. "Byungjoon?" She asked surprised and she knew that she wasn’t in a good position because they were both walking towards her. "Guys, I really have to go," she said, trying to escape quickly, but Soori grabbed her wrist. "You're not running away this time," he said, and he was really angry. Miga panicked, she froze, knowing that something bad was going to happen. "What do you want from me?", She asked and looked at the two of them. "You still owe me something. I played the good boyfriend for months and you never gave me what I wanted." Soori pressed his body against Miga. "Girls like you think they're better. Never give guys like me a chance." Byungjoon was apparently quite angry too and she doesn't get it. He was always nice to her and now this? Several tears now rolled down Miga's cheeks and fear flowed through her veins. "Shhh, don't worry, we'll do it quickly," said Soori and wiped her tears away, but Miga began to shiver. "You hold her tight, I'll pull her slip off", Soori said to his friend and at that moment Miga tried to run, but Byungjoon was already holding her. Miga tries to scream, but Soori covered her mouth. He looked a little more insecure now, afraid that someone might have heard her. And at that moment the door opens and Jaemin ran into the room. “What are you doing ther?” He screamed and ran as fast as he could. The two boys immediately let go of Miga and ran away. Jaemin went to the girl and took her in his arms. Miga's whole body was still trembling, she cried and cried. Jaemin hugged her tightly and rubbed her back soothingly. "Come on, we should get away from her," he said and Miga nodded. The two went out of the school building and Jaemin put Miga in the passenger seat. He still had a blanket in the car that he put over her as she was still shaking. Miga said nothing, stared into space. "I'll call Jaehyun and say we're going to the police." Jaemin wanted to pick up his phone, but Miga stopped him. "No! That doesn't help." She looked at him with wide eyes and Jaemin did not understand. "But the boys must be punished, they wanted to..." Jaemin was worried about Miga, she didn't look good, was very pale and her eyes were red. "Byungjoon is the mayor's grandson. There's no point." Miga saw that there was no justice in the case. She had seen this before when it came to something else. Byungjoon had sold adderall to other students, got catched and there were no consequences. They could cover it up perfectly. Neither the school nor the mayor wants to be involved in a scandal. Jaemin knew that, he has encountered corruption several times. "What about the other one?" He asked. "He's a trainee at JYP, but Byungjoon will cover him." Miga knew she had no chance. "Miga ... we should at least tell Jaehyun about it." But she shook her head. "No. My Dad would go nuts. I was so looking forward to the evening. I just want to have a good time with you, Daddy and the crew and forget about the whole thing." She straightened her hair and opened her mirror to put on her make-up again. "I don't know if I can forget that ..." Jaemin was in shock himself. After all, Miga means a lot to him, although he still doesn't know what the relationship is. "It's not new. Men just want me as a trophy. It's all about owning me. I just want a simple relationship, something my parents have. Just love ..." She sighed and put her makeup back in her bag. "Miga ..." Jaemin didn't know what to say, it was a strange scene. "Let's just go before Daddy is wondering where we're going." It was quiet the whole trip. Miga stared out the window and was still in shock. Jaemin wasn't that comfortable with the whole thing, he still thought the boys should be punished. And the more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He just didn't know if it was really good to let it stay that way. He would love to go back and beat them up. His pulse kept rising with anger, but it wasn't long before they were at the restaurant. "Miga?" Asked Jaemin and looked at the girl concerned. "Hmm?" She turned to him and smiled. "Are you really well?" He asked again and the girl nodded. "Yes, now." She looked at him with big eyes, but she smiled. Jaemin wasn't so sure she was a good actress. But he knew she was safe now. Most of them were here in the restaurant, including Jaehyun. Miga immediately ran into her father's arms and hugged him tightly. "Daddy!" She laid her head on his chest and she noticed how her pulse slowly calmed down. "Miga, are you okay?" Jaehyun gently stroked his daughter's back. He immediately realized that something was wrong. "Yes, everything is fine," she said, but remained in her father's hug. Jaemin looked at the two. Miga was clearly still afraid and in shock. He wonders if he should tell him. What if the boys try again? "Are you hungry?", Jaehyun asked his daughter and Miga nodded. "Well, we'll order something then." Jaehyun smiled and stroked his daughter's cheek encouragingly.

Miga tried to forget what happened. She ate, drank and laughed. For a moment she also forgot, but as she sat in her father's car and they drove home, the darkness reminded her of the incident again. Although it was the weekend now, she dreaded having to see the two boys again on Monday. "It was really fun today. I think we have a really good team on the drama," said Jaehyun, looking out onto the street. He was looking forward to filming with Miga again. Last time they were on a Drama together, she was a little kid. "I think too ..." she said, but she was still not quite there. Her thoughts were still somewhere else. "Is everything really okay? I have the feeling that you are not fine." Jaehyun was concerned. He knew his children very well and knew when something was wrong. "Dad, I don't want to go to school anymore," Miga then said and looked at her father. Jaehyun was surprised because they had actually already discussed the subject. "Miga, I thought we agreed that you would finish it. It's only 6 months left." Jaehyun was now sure that something was wrong with his daughter. She had worked so hard the last few weeks and now this? "But I'm so tired ..." She sighed and lied. Jaehyun was okay with her dropping out of school, but he knew you really wanted her to graduate. "Miga, I don't know..." Jaehyun hesitated, he wanted to do everything for his children. "Daddy! Please talk to Mum again," she pleaded and her big eyes looked at him hopefully. "Okay okay. I'll talk to her about it again." He doesn't quite know how, but he had to talk to you about it anyway because Miga was so weird. Jaehyun knew something had happened, but he didn't know what ...

providentia masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#daddy jaehyun #jaehyun jung #jaemin #jaemin angst #jaemin scenarios #jaehyun angst #jaehyun #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct angst #nct 127 angst #nct 2020

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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years

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Day 24: Prinxiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 24: When you meet your soulmate for the first time, you get a brief flash-forward of your future.

Content warnings: character getting stabbed, blood, mugging, violence, storm mention, near death experience but he doesn’t die okay I couldn’t do that.

While replaying SVS in my head at work, the line “I think he’s suggesting we beat someone up and rob their unconscious body” came up. Then little old me thought, yeah, that, but make it angsty.

Word count: 3.3k

Roman hadn’t been knocked down by the first hit. It had stunned him, sure, but when faced with a fight or flight response, his instinct was to hit back, and hit hard. So even with his eyes throbbing in his skull and a drop of blood trailing down his neck, he spun around to the attacker and swung, elbow cracking neatly against his nose.

The man was surprised, and for a second Roman thought he had the advantage. Until, that is, he recalled that a surprised person is a dangerous one. By that point, it was too late though, and his hands were already fumbling at the knife sticking out of his stomach. Why couldn’t he just have gone down easily?

The attacker must have pushed him farther into the alley he had sprung from, was Roman’s only thought, as he lay deadly still on the dirty New York concrete, his only sensation being the sickly warm pool of blood spreading out under him. It soaked through his shirt, an uncomfortable feeling that definitely shouldn’t be the worst thing about this situation, but he’d gone numb. He knew distantly that that was a bad thing, that the pain had started fading until it was as dim as the world around him had become, yet he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was dying. And that really should have alarmed him more. It was so peaceful, though, the way the streetlights blurred and shifted, the steady thrum of bass from a nearby building, his own shallow breathing.

As it was shown in every story, in all the movies, he kept waiting for his life to flash before his eyes. There were things he’d gladly see one more time; annoyed tiffs with his brother, building their treehouse, his mom planting a big kiss on his cheek on his first day of senior year. His college drama group, and their stupid shenanigans. Late night rehearsals at his first signed theatre company. Strangely, the closer he got to complete silence, the more annoyed he was that he couldn’t see it all one last time. Is that really so much to ask?

And then, all of the sudden, it was there. It was like settling into your seat in the movie theatre just as it began, reclining in a big chair and just watching it go by. However, his addled mind took far too long to realize this wasn’t in fact, his life. Or, anything he’d lived so far, that is.

He saw a man standing before him, just barely shorter than him, with a reluctant grin on his face and a blush rising in his cheeks. The guy wasn’t anyone he knew, though; he’d remember such a gorgeous face. Their hands were softly intertwined as they stood on the roof of a building, outlined by the stars and a distant flickering of a candle. Then the scene changed.

...

The man was sitting on the floor, hunched into the corner of a bedroom that Roman didn’t recognize. Like in a dream, he had no control over his actions as he lunged forward, dropping to his knees in front of his shaking form. He asked something, the exact words contorting in his brain until they were unintelligible mumbles, and the man nodded. In experienced movements, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, running a hand through his hair and reminding him to breathe, that he’s okay. He felt a sense of protectiveness he hadn’t felt in a long time, pulling the curled up figure onto his lap until his breathing returned to normal.

...

He was on the stage, a pretty typical place for him to be, but tonight it was different. The butterflies were absolutely nuts in his stomach, and he kept scanning the audience directly after songs, in those brief seconds of pure raging applause where he could just admire the crowd. Finally, he spotted what he was looking for; a lone person sitting near the front, grinning at him like he was a puppy and it was Christmas morning. The single expression on his face was one of pure admiration, and it somehow made the butterflies both completely dissolve and increase tenfold.

...

Now they were in a park, walking side by side. His focus was carefully set on the path before them, focus switching between the gorgeous red leaves in the trees and the winding path. He recognized the park vaguely, as if he’d been there many times, and was mentally mapping out the best trail for them to go to. He wanted them to stop at the turtle pond, he knew that much. There was a pull on Roman’s arm and he looked down, heart melting at the wide grin the young girl between them was flashing. They were both holding one of her hands for balance as she toddled along, and apparently she’d tugged on both their hands, because they were both looking at her now.

“Swing me!” She giggled, using their support to keep her from falling as she lifted her feet off the ground, hopping in her best impression of a kangaroo. And how could they say no to that (they couldn’t), so they gave into her wishes, tightening their grips and counting down. On one, they both swung her forward and she exploded into shrieking laughter, not stopping until her feet were firmly on the ground once more.

“Again, again!”

...

She was older now, probably just starting school. They were in the same park as before, not that Roman could see much of it from his intense focus on the little girl, but he just knew. Her tongue was stuck out in concentration as she readjusted her elbow pads and helmet before they were perfect, and he gently held the back of her shirt as she shuffled her feet onto the pedals of the small bike. They lapped around the playground twice as she grew more confident, pedaling by herself, before Roman let go and she took off by herself.

“Dad, Papa, look! Look!”

They both laughed quietly as she continued to shout in joy, riding her bike for the first time. The other man laid his head in Roman’s shoulder, and he felt as though his heart would burst.

...

Dropping her off at college was the hardest thing the two of them had ever done. Unlike every annoyed college student stereotype, she hugged them tightly and tried not to cry, promising to call every day. Roman didn’t even pretend to try and stop the tears that trailed down his cheeks as the other man drove them back home, rubbing his hand soothingly.

“She’ll be okay.”

He couldn’t make out his own response, but he didn’t have to to know that it was positive. The man smiled lightly, pressing his hand to his lips and kissing it softly.

...

It was early Sunday morning cuddles and three AM cookie batches. It was falling asleep on the couch after cliche rom coms wrapped in fuzzy blankets and pressed together like they couldn’t get enough of each other. It was electrifying first kisses and dreamy first dates and terrifying proposals and never ending bickering, but it always ended in giggling fits and kisses where they couldn’t stop smiling. It was holding the other as a storm raged outside, the thunder making him shake, and it was spontaneous lunch dates with their daughter. It was everything Roman wanted.

...

And everything he’d never have.

As the visions faded, the world seemed just a tad clearer, and all the harsher. The knife in his stomach began to burn, white hot pain, as bad as when he’d first been stabbed. Every bone in his body screamed in agony, now the blood under him cooling and causing chills to spread through him. To his left, where the entrance to the alley was, there was some shuffling and a bright light burned through his eyelids, nearly making him flinch. He didn’t quite have the energy for that, though.

“Holy shit!”

---------------------------------------------------

Not often did Virgil walk downtown after it was dark, but when he did, he followed his own set of rules to a tee. Head down, peripheral vision on high alert, keys clutched between his fingers in his pocket. New York was hell after the sun went down, and today he had no choice but to walk the rarely trodden backroads to get home. The continuous shivers up his spine made his breath hitch, but his anxiety had gotten to the point where he couldn’t tell if it was an actual sixth sense warning or his brain deciding to panic out of sheer boredom.

As he did when walking past every even subtly suspicious dark alley, he kept his head down but searched the abyss with his eyes, ever vigilant for oncoming attackers. He’d envisioned every possible bad scenario, every mugging and kidnapping possibility down to the minute details. What he hadn’t expected, however, was the sudden barrage of unrelated images that flooded across his vision, like a chopped up movie that he had no control over.

He was looking up at a guy, maybe the handsomest he’d ever seen. His auburn hair glinted in the light of the candles set around the edge of the building, a nervous smile on his face as he showed the amazing view to him. It was beautiful, Virgil would admit, but he felt more at home in the man’s arms, more dazzled than anything the world could show him.

...

The cold grip of a panic attack was something Virgil was all too familiar with, and in his mind’s eye he could almost feel the tightness of his chest, the adrenaline pumping through him, the dizziness that every shuddered intake of breath caused. A voice called for him, somewhere else in the house, but he was unable to answer, pressing himself further into the wall to try and ground himself on something solid.

There was a thud and rapid footsteps, but instead of pulling away as he expected himself to do, he felt drawn to it. An almost tearfully gentle voice asked if he could be touched right now and he nodded immediately, wanting nothing more than to not feel alone as he was collapsing in on himself. He was lifted into someone’s arms and he felt instinctively that it was the same man from the first vision, cradling him and hushing him softly. A hand carded through his hair and the panic receded bit by bit, leaving him feeling absolutely exhausted but just as safe.

...

There was a stage before him, a grand thing with an even grander set. He was caged in by people on all sides, a fact that would usually cause those little ribbons of panic to start blooming in his chest, but he was so focussed on the actors that he didn’t have the energy. One in particular stood out to him, the lead character of the show, belting out perfect melodies with pitch perfect notes and taking on his character with no flaws. After a song, when he was taking a breather during the applause and scanning the audience, their eyes locked, and his character smile turned into one of real elation. And Virgil knew, he just knew, that this was a smile only he was privy to.

...

There was a girl tugging at their hands. Virgil didn’t know her name, but he knew that he knew her, if only by the way his eyes never left her. He was protective of her, watching her every clumsy little step so she didn’t fall, with the man on her other side looking ahead, choosing their paths and watching for bikers. It was like a little unspoken agreement they had, and his skyrocketing anxiety appreciated that. She caught his watchful eye with a gap toothed smile, expression suddenly alight with a smile. The other man looked down to her as she tugged on his arm.

“Swing me!”

So they did.

...

He hated this, but he knew deep down, if they didn’t teach her to ride her bike now, she’d never learn. She’d already been complaining that all her friends were riding bikes already. Even still, he’d refused to be the one to teach her, not wanting to be responsible for any scratched knees or broken arms or cracked skulls or-

He was gnawing on his fingernails as she fixed her helmet and elbow pads, drawing blood in his cuticle when she finally started moving. It was more of a restrained wobble, what with the man holding her steady, but to his equal horror and excitement, she got the hang of it quickly. It was barely two laps of the playground before she broke free of his grip, with an exuberant shout.

“Dad, Papa, look! Look!”

The man stood next to him proudly, panting slightly from the run, and Virgil smiled, resting his head on the other’s shoulder as they watched their daughter. His anxiety immediately lessened as he placed a tender kiss on Virgil’s head.

...

She grew up far too quick for either of their likings; it seemed only yesterday that they were taking their baby girl home for the first time, when in fact they were now pulling up to her first college dorm. While he was generally the anxious one of the family, his partner was definitely the dramatic one. Not in a bad way (most of the time), but it was enough to know that Virgil would definitely need to be the strong one today. It wouldn’t help anyone if all three of them broke down. He offered to drive, since the other man was too tear clogged to even see the road.

He reached over and took his hand as they pulled out of the campus, letting his thumb rub over the knuckles.

“She’ll be okay.”

“I know. She has us as parents, duh. I just... miss her already.”

Virgil smiled, still keeping his stoic face on. He’d cry later. For now, in a move that was very much the other’s specialty, not his, he lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed them.

...

It was never ending hugs after hard days and midnight dance parties to old songs. It was learning new recipes in the kitchen and settling for take out when it all inevitably went downhill, and holding hands while brushing their teeth like they couldn’t get enough of each other. It was terrifying first kisses and nerve-wracking first dates and unforgettable proposals and never ending bickering, but it always ended in giggling fits and kisses where they couldn’t stop smiling. It was clutching onto the other as a storm raged outside, every lightning flash bringing new rounds of choked sobs (it was still scary, but for the first time in his life, he wasn’t alone), and it was dress shopping with their daughter for her first dance. It was everything Virgil wanted.

...

Everything he’d never thought he’d have.

He blinked rapidly, his chest tightening. From all the stories he’d heard, that was definitely a soulmate vision. Meaning, he’d just seen his soulmate for the first time, but he hadn’t seen anyone.

Had he?

Squinting in the inky darkness, he peered down the alley he was passing. There was a lump on the ground, which could be a person, but could just as easily be a garbage bag. He very much hoped it was not a person, despite what that would mean for his confusing visions. He fumbled his phone out of his pocket, turning on the flashlight setting, and shone it towards the alley.

“Holy shit!” He yelped before he could stop himself, sprinting forward like his soulmate had in the vision and dropping to his knees, ignoring the way the man’s blood soaked through the legs of his jeans. “Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh god. Are you awake? Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.”

The man was still for a moment, unmoving, before he let out a low groan. His hand twitched by his side and Virgil immediately took it, social anxiety be damned. It was cold.

“Keep… I don’t know, keep breathing, okay? I’m gonna call an ambulance, just hang on. Don’t die, dude, I’m serious.” The two rings it took for the emergency operator to pick up the phone were the most tense seconds of Virgil’s life, and he almost started crying when a voice spoke from the other line.

“I need an ambulance,” He choked out, describing their location as best he could. The operator kept speaking to him, drilling in him to not touch the knife and to apply pressure around it, asking question after question, but her all-too-calm voice was too much for Virgil and he hung up. She'd already assured that an ambulance was coming, anyways.

With shaking hands, he turned the flashlight back towards the man on the ground, apologizing when he squeezed his eyes tight at the light. His eyes were both swollen, an abundance of black and blue bruises bleeding down to his lips. He was wearing too much, and was too still, to tell if anything else was hurt on him (aside from the jarring knife, which Virgil was trying hard not to look at). Whether he was shaking from fear or pain, Virgil couldn’t identify. He apologized again, placing his phone on the ground and pushed in around the wound, trying to apply pressure without causing more damage.

His repeated apologies were unable to actually prevent any pain, though, and the moment he made significant contact, the man hissed loudly, eyes shooting wide open.

“I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. Please don’t move,” Virgil stammered, shocked when the man actually gave a weak, blood stained smile.

“Don’ think... I could ‘f I... w’nted to,” He breathed, words slurring and breath stuttering. The rise and fall of his chest was so shallow, Virgil doubted he was getting any air at all.

“Don’t die, okay dude? It’s gonna look real bad on me if they get here and you’re dead,” Virgil blurted, letting the tiniest smidge of sarcasm into his voice. To his surprise, the man actually gave a small snort.

“Wouldn’t... w’nt you to look... guilty.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Virgil smiled shakily, adjusting his fingers lightly around the knife, wincing at the hiss of pain it elicited. “Sorry. What’s your name?”

“Roman,” He whispered as his eyelids began to flutter, eyes losing their brief focus.

“Hey, no no no. Look at me, Roman. My name’s Virgil.”

“V’rgil… Like that name.” Even through his increasing haziness, he was doing his best to listen to the instructions from the other man. Blinking rapidly, he tried to study the blurry face of the man above him. He could just make out his dark hair and eyes, and a faint purple shimmer across his lids. The other details were just a tan blob.

“Yeah, you’re probably the first. My mom thought it was unique, or whatever.”

“I like it.”

“I’m glad.”

“Can you stay with me?” Roman croaked, gaze flitting between the few features of the other’s face that he could see. “I don’t want to die alone.”

“You’re not going to die!” Virgil said vehemently, though his heart broke at the request. Did this guy really think he would just leave him as he was? “You can’t.”

“I’m scared,” Roman whispered, and in the dim light of the street lamps, Virgil could see the glossy tears filling his swollen eyes.

“I know you are. I am, too. But I’m not leaving, okay? I’m staying here; I’m not leaving you alone. Stay awake for me, okay?” Virgil got a tiny nod in affirmation in response, and he shifted his hands again so he was pressing around the knife with only one. The other one was sticky with blood, but that wasn’t important, as he reached down and took Roman’s hand in his own.

Roman kept his promise, as difficult as it was, and kept his eyes open and focused on Virgil until a flurry of sirens and flashing lights lit up the alley.

#lywrites #tsshipmonth2020 #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus mention #blood tw #stab tw #sanders sides fanfiction #ts soulmate au #sanderssides #sanders sides #sanders sides au #sanderssidesau #sanderssidesfanfiction

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thewickedkings · 4 years

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Between the Two of Us ~ Chapter 4

Masterlist || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

Summary: Jurdan High school AU. Rivals Jude and Cardan are forced to partner up for a history project, and drama ensues. Filled with banter, pranks, an unhealthy amount of pining, and Jude being clueless as usual.

Trigger Warnings: I don’t think there’s anything so far, but please let me know if there’s anything I missed!

It was Thursday morning, and Jude’s nerves thrummed with anticipation. She leaned against a pillar in the school hallway, slowly sipping her coffee. Students milled about, grabbing their books before first period, and Jude stood still, waiting.

Any minute now.

Her eyes caught a head of dark curls in the crowd, and she smiled. Cardan walked obliviously towards their first period class, maneuvering swiftly through the clusters of lingering students.

And then came Amanda Williams from the other end of the hallway, striding purposefully towards Cardan. Amanda Williams was perhaps the most ambitious student in the school, involved in almost every single club in the school and volunteering in all her free time. Jude both admired her and feared her.

Amanda approached Cardan, and Jude watched the scene play out from afar. It made it exceedingly funnier that she couldn’t actually hear what they were saying but had to go off Cardan’s confused, awkward smile and Emily’s enthusiastic hand gestures.

She nearly snorted her coffee when Cardan started backing away, his hands held up in confusion, while Emily followed him unrelentingly.

The bell rang, and Cardan took the opportunity to bolt. He turned around, heading in her direction, but Jude slipped into the crowd before he could spot her.

By the time Jude got to her fifth period class, Jude’s spirits were exceptionally high. She took out her fancy colored pens out from her pencil case cheerfully while she waited for class to begin.

Her careful organization was interrupted when Cardan barged in, storming towards her desk.

“Duarte, you are going to pay for this,” he seethed. He slammed a Save the Turtles flyer on her desk.

“For what?” she responded innocently, rearranging her pens on her desk noncommittally. She looked down at the flyer. “Awww, this turtle’s so adorable. I didn’t know you cared about endangered species. Maybe you do have a heart somewhere in there.”

His palms flattened on her desk as he towered over her. “Jude, I do not have the time to convince thirty people that no, I did not start a club to save the sea turtles, and no, I didn’t know who put up flyers with my name and email on it all over the school saying I did.” He paused, eyes narrowing. “Except wait, I did know.”

It took everything she had not to laugh in his face. She silently thanked the girls she had overheard at lunch a few days ago having a passionate conversation about saving the turtles and metal straws. Still seething from the coffee incident, a plan had begun to form in Jude’s mind. After 10 minutes designing a flyer with a cute little sea turtle and a trip to the school printer, Jude’s plan was in place.

She kept her expression completely serious. “That must have been so hard for you. People can be so annoying sometimes. Just last week, some guy knocked over my coffee, and he didn’t even apologize. Can you imagine?” She bit her lip to stop her smile.

Cardan’s dark eyes flashed. “Jude, I swear I’m going to-”

“Mr. Greenbriar, it seems you’re in the wrong class,” the teacher interrupted.

Jude chirped in. “Sorry. He was just telling me about the club he was starting to save the sea turtles. He’s very passionate about it.”

The lethal glare Cardan sent her way promised vengeance, and she felt a tingle make its way up her spine.

He swallowed, unclenching his fists. When he turned back to the teacher, his expression cleared. “Sorry. Just clarifying something. I’ll leave right now.”

He walked over to the door and shut it carefully behind him, as if resisting the urge to slam it.

Jude leaned back in her chair, satisfaction thrumming through her. Pissing off Cardan just so, so fun.

~~~

Jude’s breath came out in pants as she sat on the bench and drank from her water bottle. The soccer game was tied with five minutes to go, and it was taking everything Jude’s team had to keep it that way. Tisdale High was much more formidable than Jude had expected, and Jude’s team was barely managing to stop all their goals, much less make any of their own.

The referee blew the whistle, and Jude wiped her brow and went back into the game with a renewed vigor. She wasn’t going to settle for a tie, not yet at least.

Jude had started soccer in her freshman year so she could have an extracurricular on her resume and to have some sort of stress-relief, but she’d come to love the adrenaline that came with the sport.

The clock ticked as a girl with neon orange cleats stole the ball from their team again. When the girl made to pass the ball across the field, Jude anticipated her move and shot forward, blocking the ball before it could reach her teammate.

With the ball back in their possession, Jude dribbled up the field, working the ball around the defense. Out of the corner of her eye, Jude saw Nicasia standing to the left of the goal, the perfect angle to make a goal.

Jude hesitated. Just last week, Nicasia had chosen to take a shot for a near-impossible goal instead of passing to Jude, who had been in a clear spot to make the point. They had ended up winning after Jude had scored a goal in the last half, but Jude was angry that Nicasia had brought their antagonism to the field. She’d thought they’d gotten over their differences, but apparently they hadn’t.

All this passed through Jude’s head in a split second. The defense player she had tripped out was gaining on her, and Jude had to make a decision.

In a move they’d trained hundreds of times in practice, Jude faked right and then passed to Nicasia. Nicasia shot the ball straight into the net, and the crowd broke into cheers. Apparently, there was little Jude wouldn’t do if it meant winning.

As the team swarmed her, Jude walked the other way to the side of the field. Just because she had let Nicasia make the goal didn’t mean she would be happy about it.

She flopped onto the grass, letting the adrenaline of the game fade. She looked up at the soft crunch of grass next to her.

“Hey, that was a good game you played. Your pass basically saved the game,” said Locke, sitting down next to her.

“Thanks,” Jude replied, shrugging. His arm grazed hers, and Jude remembered what the Bomb had said, and wondered if her words could be true, if Locke could actually be interested in her.

She suddenly felt self-conscious about the sweat on her body and hoped she didn’t smell too bad. “Do you come to watch our games a lot?”

“I come every once in a while. But I’ve started to come a lot more recently,” he said, giving her a meaningful look.

“Oh.” Jude flushed. Ok, so maybe he was interested in her.

Locke ran his hand through his hair. “Ok, so the real reason I came today was because I was wondering if you would maybe want to get dinner with me tomorrow? Like a… date?”

“Really?” Jude said, before quickly adding, “I mean, yeah, sure!”

Locke grinned at her, and Jude’s mood immediately rose. It was definitely nice to have a guy’s attention, to feel wanted.

After they exchanged numbers, Jude walked over to the bleachers where Vivi and Oak sat. Oak was waiting at the bottom for her.

“Jude, that pass was so good! You stole the ball and then faked to the right, and then…” he chattered excitedly, mimicking her performance with a practice soccer ball.

She felt a rush of affection for him and ruffled his hair. “Thanks, Oakey.” Even though they weren’t related through blood, Jude loved him more than anything.

She spotted Vivi on her phone at the top of the bleachers but stopped when she saw who was sitting in the second row.

“Nice pass,” Cardan said wryly, leaning back and stretching his legs. “No goals today?”

Jude’s eyes narrowed. All of the anger he had shown on Thursday was mysteriously absent from his eyes, meaning he had something planned.

She ignored his comment and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I can’t show some school spirit?”

“No.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Ok, ok, there’s something I have to talk to you about.”

“Yeah, no thanks.” She didn’t have the patience for Cardan’s antics right now. She was in actually in a good mood after Locke had asked her out and wanted it to last.

She moved to maneuver around him, but he snagged her wrist. “Wait.”

She paused at the touch, the warmth of his skin seeping into hers.

When he noticed her gaze on his hand, he dropped her hand as quickly as he had grabbed it. “I need your number for the project.”

She looked at him suspiciously, wondering if this was for one of his schemes.

“Jude, we have assignments due. How else are we supposed to communicate?”

“Fine. Give me your phone.”

He pulled it out of his pocket and stood up, and suddenly they were standing too close, only mere inches separating them. She shuffled backwards, forgetting they were on bleachers, and the back of her thighs hit the row behind her. She stumbled, her hand flying out instinctively and grabbing Cardan’s arm for balance.

She quickly pulled her hand away, but not before she felt the muscle beneath her palm. Her body suddenly became hyperaware of his physicality, making her cheeks burn.

“If you wanted to touch me, you don’t have to pretend to fall over.” He looked down at her, eyes sparking playfully. His voice was low, just for her, and she swallowed and stepped back farther.

“I didn’t pretend to fall over,” she shot back without thinking, unnecessarily flustered. This conversation was quickly veering out of her control.

He looked at her teasingly, as if he knew what effect he was having on her. “Right.”

“Just give me your phone.” She quickly typed her number in and gave it back to him. “There.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it, Jude?”

Something about the way he said her name grated on her nerves. Instead of responding to him, she lifted her middle finger at him from behind her back as she climbed past him on the bleachers, and Cardan laughed.

When she reached Vivi’s spot on the bleachers, Vivi gave her a curious look, but she just mumbled, “Let’s go home.”

As Oak chattered to Vivi on the car ride home, Jude slumped back into her seat, her feet sore after a long day at school and a grueling game. Her mind wandered aimlessly, and Jude found her thoughts repeatedly flitting back to a certain boy, and it wasn’t the one who had asked her out.

A/N: I hope you guys like the chapter!! We love to see Jude and Cardan being ‘enemies’ and pissing each other off. This scene literally came to me at 4 am and I had to get up and write it.

I also mentioned the endangered sea turtles in this so if you’re interested in learning more, here’s a link to a post with more information about the struggles of green sea turtles and what you can do to help :)

Tagging: (Some tags didn’t work. I don’t know why, it might be your settings or just tumblr acting up, but I’ll tag you in the comments for now! If I forgot to tag you our messed something up, just send me an ask and I’ll fix it as soon as I can!)

@jurdan7 @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @amoosewithflannelforfur @aneuwin @mercrutiodidntdieforthis @hizqueen4life @mi-mavencalories @simonelovesff @b00kworm @nope-has-lied @andromeddea @aesthetics-11 @queen-of-glass @runnybabbit9 @afexiss @the-keen-queen @yesimtheslytherinwitch @fizziefaerie @abigneignenn @storiesandschemes @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @words-of-the-wise @thedazzlingheights @magicalbookwyvern @kittkatandbooboo @queen-of-no1 @iminsanenotobsessed @dorkzrul @snusbandxknifewife @aknymph @clouds-and-peonies @thefolkofthefic

#between the two of us #chapter 4 #wow i actually wrote something #the cruel prince #the wicked king #queen of nothing #the queen of nothing #the folk of the air #tfota #Folk of the Air #jurdan #jurdan fic #jurdan fanfic #tfota fic #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar

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tominostuff · 4 years

Text

Oshii Mamoru x Anno Hideaki Char’s Counterattack Fan Club Book

Published: January 1993

Just the first 3 pages as a teaser lol

Influence

Anno: As a creator, I like CCA because you can hear Mr. Tomino’s very genuine voice in it. But Mr. Oshii, you tend to dislike doing that. You try to sugarcoat your true intentions and hide it deep within. So, it’s unexpected that someone like you enjoyed CCA.

Oshii: Well, isn’t it just that? As you said, Mr. Tomino’s raw voice is all out in the open.

Anno: Yes. It’s very direct. I think sensitive people may even harbor hatred for it.

Oshii: (Kazunori) Itou-kun apparently stopped watching 5 minutes in. When he heard the first “heavenly punishment” line, he couldn’t follow along anymore and stopped (laughs). Since he used to be at Sunrise, he probably sees more.

So [whether or not you like the movie] is probably decided by what kind of reaction you’d have to hearing lines like 修正 “correction” or 粛清 “purge” or 天誅 “heavenly punishment.” Since there’s bound to be many people who have a dislike towards words like that. Especially older people react towards “purge” and “correction.” For the pre-war faction, “correction” meant military lynching and for people after the 70s, “correction” means demonstrator/political radicals or controlled lynching. There’s also the Red Army (JRA) issue as well.

If it were a movie, they may have not been bothered by it but since it’s an animation. There is a gap between the raw human intentions and the drawn world. And that actually makes a bigger impact. So for people who dislike seeing undiluted emotions show up on screen, they just can’t do it.

Anno: I wasn’t bothered by it.

Oshii: I think you and I were making things during the awkward off season of animation. People like Miya-san (Miyazaki Hayao) who were swept along by Toei and made animations for kids versus people who were pursuing movies and ended up in an anime studio...our generation of people is the in-between, so we understand both sides. We are caught between both the part that’s making shows for kids and the part that wants to make movies that we are personally satisfied with. So, depending on where you place the center of balance, you end up making a completely different thing.

On one hand, I felt that this movie could only be accepted by people like that. The older folk just thought it was bad. People in the anime industry especially. And for younger folk, they don’t know how to process an undiluted political world like that one. Despite all of this, the theaters were pretty full. And that’s probably due to the influence of Gundam.

It was around the same time as Patlabor. Even though Mr. Tomino did whatever he wanted in Gundam, and I worked on Patlabor with the same Shochiku, when the high ups at Shochiku came to the press release for the previous Patlabor installment, they just said “I didn’t understand anything” and left. “Nothing made sense.” They were grumbling, “but robot anime originally was like this” as they went home. Which I think was thanks to Gundam (laughs).

Even so, I was impressed that a script like CCA was greenlit. How could they release something like that. Probably because they weren’t watching it very seriously. Everyone is so enchanted by the surface-level space war aspect that there’s very few people who accurately grasp Mr. Tomino’s intentions.

Anno: I didn’t understand it the first time I watched it.

Oshii: The idea itself is not anything exceptional. It doesn’t come up to the surface but… to exaggerate, this is about present day, but as a phenomenon, in Japan maybe after the 70s? Among the political ideas that collapsed in the 60s was a type of retaliation ideology….. There’s a bit of nihilism in it, but basically there existed a political thought that placed its basis on the idea that “humans are no good.” However, that never made its way into the mainstream and much less in a world like animation, the center of popular culture, the fact that it showed up so suddenly was a surprise. It was almost pure literature.

To want to retaliate against humanity or to want to correct humanity… truth be told, I also had similar thoughts. For example, the upcoming Patlabor has a bit of that in it. There’s a desire to seek revenge against a kind of deceptive inquisitiveness of this generation. However, I’m hesitant about being too direct about it (laughs)... more like I personally, am not a fan of being so direct…. And to go so far as to start saying the intellectuals that, the masses this. That part of the dialogue was probably an exact reflection of Mr. Tomino’s beliefs. As a method of expression, I would never do something like declaring my true beliefs during the movie.

Just, the one thing I don’t get is why he suddenly did something like that. I actually haven’t watched the Gundam series too seriously so when I saw that, it seemed out of the blue. Perhaps he had laid the foundations for it earlier but I actually haven’t watched anything since Zeta Gundam. Watched the first Gundam and then suddenly CCA. So I don’t know what happened in this gap but it probably wasn’t anything sudden, it was probably always present.

Anno: Yes. I think he spit out everything he had accumulated, or more like, he put an end to things.

Ideologies

Oshii: When you’re working on anime, you’re required to be different from an ordinary movie director. Even though it may look like we’re doing whatever we please, there are some things that we just can’t do. In a live action, even if it’s a bit explicit it may not be a huge problem… but with anime, there’s the first psychological barrier of the people who have to draw it. And when you think about it, the first person who did those things was Mr. Tomino. Like the child who fires in front of his mother. Or the boy or girl, I forget, that got their head blown off along with their helmet.

When I saw Ideon, I believe it was when I was working on The Wonderful Adventures of Nils at Pierrot, it gave me such a shock. And it became the topic of discussion among directors at the studio. We wondered if it was okay to make something like that. My mentor, Mr. Tori (Hisayuki Toriumi), was someone who would do rather sadistic things. Like, Gatchaman was horrible. People would get hung with chains and beaten with a whip or Joe the Condor would get his face stepped on and messed up. He’s done pretty controversial things over the years. However, he never was as raw. After all, we had passed the era where such direct expression is allowed.

There were a few taboos that were said to exist in anime, the destruction of bodies being one of them, but the bigger one that existed was probably, “politics.” To express your own political beliefs in the anime you were creating. I don’t mean things like post-war democracy or Tezuka Osamu’s humanism, etc, but radical revolutionary ideas, betrayed ressentiment (concept of resentment or hostility related to 19th century thinkers like Friedrich Neitzche), feelings of grudge, etc. have no place in anime. No one explicitly says it but as you spend time at the studio, you naturally begin to realize that’s the limit. If you want to do it, you have to change its shape. So like in Urusei Yatsura or Patlabor, I had to disguise it as a type of metaphor or a running joke. So even if you’re allowed to have a miniature battle for authority in a school setting… well, originally, even that was going too far, I was told many things by different people… it wasn’t like anyone said anything openly but no one thought to do it in the first place. The reason why is because everyone thought animation was the wrong place to be testing such ideas, who’s going to want to watch something like that.

Back when Toei made Future War 198x, circulation boards went around and the Toei Animation Company labor union went on strike and all that, but inside, there were a lot of debates happening. Especially among directors wondering how they should take it all. Regardless of the fact that the age of the average anime watcher was increasing due to the anime boom, where exactly do we place the limit? Is it okay for us to try things that an ordinary live action director might do? For the generation of directors above us, these questions existed in a more tangible form. Whenever there was destruction of bodies or kiss scenes, like Mr. Tori did once in Gatchaman, every time something like that would happen on screen, production companies would file complaints or the TV stations would complain, and there would be this back and forth. Even so, there were people who wanted to depict these things. But in other words, that was it. The complaints were only on the artistic level. What that person did in CCA is leagues beyond that.

The philosophies or policies or themes, those things aren’t in there because the movie needs it, no, the ideology is first and foremost (laughs). It’s probably forgiven because it’s underneath the umbrella of Gundam but even so, I was surprised that they could go that far.

And, I was surprised a second time when there was no reaction to it. I spoke about this with Anno over the phone but, there’s no talk about it, good or bad. Why is there no reaction to such a radical outburst? There were probably a few entries to some anime magazines, I’ve seen a few of them myself, but in the end they were just the usual debates about war in Gundam.

In that way, it was as I expected. By “as expected” I mean, even if one speaks of such ideals in animation, who is going to see it, and how? This is a problem that I’m always facing myself because the stories that I want to create aren’t reaching the audience that I desire. And that’s probably because it’s anime. If it were live action, you could just leave it alone and a bunch of critics would come along and say what they want. Even if it’s just some boring police drama, they’d dig up all this nonsense to write. Conversely, [CCA] didn’t receive attention because it was anime. Because it was anime, the ideas presented in it were overlooked. To Mr. Tomino, that was probably extremely regrettable. Because I am always experiencing similar things. The anime isn’t reaching the people who are supposed to see it. That is what I felt from it.

Anno: Anime as a method of expression is very infantile. Especially facial expressions, angry faces have raised eyebrows, crying faces have tears in their eyes, blurry pupils means they are crying; if a foreigner saw this, I don’t think they’d understand. Japanese people are trained to understand to some extent so they know “oh they’re crying right now.”

However, whether the character is crying because they are happy or because they are sad, cannot be understood through just the art, without dialogue and the whole package. So, whether hands go flying or blood is shed, at the end of day, they’re all cell humans. Even if they speak, it's just 3 frames of mouths going open and close. I think the sincere attitude of trying to go so far through such childish means of expression and in the even more remote region of robot anime is amazing. I don’t think there were any directors like this until now.

Oshii: Yeah, there weren’t. I didn’t think he would take it that far. Although, I had sensed that vibe from Gundam itself. The structure of war depicted in it probably made that kind of thing possible. I don’t know how much he had pre-planned while he was creating the initial settings for the show but… it’s probably something similar to Patlabor where you start realizing “oh this is possible too” as you go. But, I kind of understand why it came out of a robot anime. With gag anime or home drama, school stories, these things would definitely be caught in a check at some stage. It’s probably due to the very combative world of robot anime, which depicts war, that kind of thing was passed (laughs).

Anno: That’s right. It was probably only possible because it had its beginnings as “just an ad for robot toys.”

Resignation

Oshii: Back when Urusei just finished airing, I met Mr. Yasuhiko at a magazine interview. It was right when the manga, Todonotsumari, was serializing in Animage. The first thing that person said was, “Animators like the ones depicted in [that manga] don’t exist. The anime studio environment that you are creating there is the furthest from an anime studio in reality. It’s what doesn’t exist the most. Why do you do this?” That’s when I sensed a bit of the resignation or frustration that generation of uncles hold towards animation. To put it bluntly, it's a type of inferiority complex.

I, too, was told that when I entered Tatsunoko. “In the end it’s just an ad for toys. So don’t put too much effort into it. If you don’t keep it at a minimum, you’ll only feel disappointed at the end. If you become too serious about making a masterpiece or making a film, you won’t make it in this industry.” I got a lot of that. Whether they were sakuga directors, animators, producers, bosses. From different people, in different ways, I was told many things. To summarize, that’s pretty much what they’d tell me. “The anime job is not a place for that.”

I’m generalizing but the generation above us started from a place of resignation. Like the background artist who couldn’t feed themselves off of oil paintings or the animator who couldn’t become a mangaka, it’s not nice to say but the industry was full of people who drifted into it. It was that kind of world. But there were good sides to it being that kind of world. No one would comment on what other people were doing.

Like, I was told at the beginning, “Don’t criticize other people’s work.” And not only did this apply to people in my own studio but I also wasn’t allowed to say this and that about what Toei was doing. From the start I was still in the mindset of a film bro so I’d complain “what is that?” but I was told off not only by older directors but also by directors my own age. Was it Mashimo Koichi? (laughs). “It’s easy to spot as many faults as you’d like in other people’s work. So there’s an infinite number of criticisms you can make. The only thing that matters is what you yourself creates.” To that I said, “I don’t think so. I have the ability to state why boring things are boring with logic to back it up so I should be allowed to. If we don’t say these things out loud, nothing will change. In exchange, I don’t care how badly my work gets criticized.” That’s a very normal thing. Bar fights are constant in the movie industry. “Why doesn’t it work in the same way in the anime industry?” is how I felt.

So, until I met Miya-san I was always frustrated. Meeting Miya-san was the first time…. cause that person is the same way. He says whatever he wants about other people’s work…just as I thought, this kind of person does exist. Even as we argue, even as we lovingly tear each other’s work apart, we are still together. I think that’s a very important skill as a director and even beyond that, I was perplexed as to why this wasn’t allowed in the anime industry.

The one thought I always held within all of this was that, before the sponsors or stations or whatever, the anime industry carved out territory for itself and didn’t try to leave it. So when the industry was forced to the forefront with the anime boom, the previously anonymous animators and directors suddenly found themselves in the limelight. And with that, all of the inferiority complexes came flooding out in a warped way.

For example, Mr. Yasuhiko’s Crusher Joe is unnecessarily cruel. Like small animals getting turned into meat clumps with a machine gun. Or patricide or siblings killing each other. Everything that had been suppressed until now came flooding out in a very warped way. Endlessly mass producing worthless children’s media that's neither good or bad would turn one’s literary consciousness inwards. So when you’re finally able to put work out there under your own name, all of that came out. Basically what I’m saying is that the balance is off. How far can you take things, from where should you start dialing back; everyone has their own parameters based on their unique method of expression. But they let everything out, completely ignoring these parameters.

When I saw this, I was full of complicated feelings. “Why do you guys have to have such a complex towards making animation?” I hated it so much because the generation below me doesn’t really have these taboos or warped perceptions.

Anno: They really don’t.

Crime of Conscience

Oshii: On the other hand, there are many things that you can do in anime that wouldn’t be allowed in Japanese movies. Ideas that would be stamped into the rejection pile for a Japanese movie can be expressed to a certain degree in anime….is what people discovered. One way to put it is, if you take “the way anime is viewed” in a societal sense and work within those means, then anything is possible…..or at least I felt (laughs). It’s only useful up to a certain point of course. Using a tactic of pushing and retreating to mix things up while creating a proper product on the other end was how I was doing my job. At the time. Even now I feel I work in a similar way but it’s different. We become wary and don’t do it like that. We’d try to cheat things by having it take place in an alternate universe. Or if you’re trying to depict a rebellion, don’t draw it from the rebel side but from the police side instead (laughs).

Even today, although it takes a different form, the idea that animation is for kids still persists. Showing nude bodies, and not cute things like shower scenes or skirt flipping, but in the context of lovers or affairs, passionate love or a world where politics are spoken about so clearly, is going to be rejected. But if you add “somewhere out in outer space,” sometimes it slips past the radar and gets greenlit.

However, I think Mr. Tomino knew what he was doing.

Anno: I think so too.

Oshii: When I saw it, I thought “he did this on purpose.” There’s probably parts that I understand because I am also a creator. It was well balanced. There was none of the off-balanceness of Mr. Yasuhiko. Of course, what lies underneath is the same. At the foundation is this inner warped hatred towards animation movies. On the other hand, he understands that he’s just an anime person and can't express things well when he’s separate from anime. That kind of thing, however, was pretty well controlled when it came to Char’s Counterattack. Therefore, there is no doubt that it was a crime of conscience.

However, even if it was on purpose, I still think the film was too blunt. I thought it would be better to disguise it a little more, dress it up a little more, camouflage it, and wear a covering, something.

Anno: On the contrary, I thought that’s what made it so masculine or cool.

Oshii: It’s dangerous. Danger is not about being socially sanctioned, criticized, or denounced, but rather straightforward words suggesting revolution, intellectuals this and that, and correcting or imposing sanctions on humankind… if you are not careful about it, the intentions may be flipped on you. In other words, you run the risk of becoming a gag. Political language is rather delicate, isn’t it? If you do it too much, like those violent student protesters who often appear in TV dramas, it becomes a comedy act that’s so ugly you can’t even call it a parody. That’s why, in Urusei Yatsura, Megane, the plot device guy, was doing everything exaggeratedly as a running joke. That's because I thought that if I didn't do it that way, it wouldn't pass, and I, personally, wanted to see it. There was a part of me that felt detached. And that was funny in itself. The fact remains that even to me, that era, while there were some painful parts, I also felt that it was humorous. Some parts are nostalgic, and some parts make me feel even disgusted. I found some salvation in letting everything out through a plot device character like Megane. That kind of thing, if you do it seriously, it's just painful.

In short, political language is pretty delicate…. Going back to the phrase “heavenly punishment.” I’m positive that there’s people who laughed at that phrase. Because we’re talking “heavenly punishment” in a space environment. What he’s doing is describing the “February 26 Incident” verbatim but the world he’s created is a future battlefield in outer space. There’s an immense gap. The younger generation may not care about it, though. I've always felt that kind of thing from Sunrise. There is something off about them. It seems that there are people who strangely want to enumerate dead languages.

My scariest thought is that there’s probably people who laughed at CCA. That they found it comical. The fact these imperial loyalist type characters are living out the “one person one kill” kind of world in outer space. I avoided writing these kinds of stories for this exact reason. ‘Cause at some point, someone is going to laugh. Like the drama, “Hyokin Tribe” from back in the day. You write the drama very seriously and in the end, it all flips on its head. It’s the generation where (serious) things are seen in a cynical manner. I am conscious of the enemy waiting, ready to turn everything into laughs. Especially when it comes to anime, anything is possible so you take it very seriously until the very end where it’s all comedy. The moment that becomes obvious, everything you’ve accumulated becomes invalid. So I prefer it the other way around, to create the mood, “this is a lie, it’s all jokes,” and then reveal that it was actually my true intention all along. I feel that it’s more effective to build up the jokes and then bring it into the real world at the end. In short, you can’t be seen through this way. If you ask me, the modern movie goer is rather twisted. A naive audience doesn’t exist. Within that, however, many anime viewers are among the exceptionally naive. They get impressed right away. As if they’re prepared to be impressed. Compared to the average viewer, anime watchers are easy to deceive, to the point where I go, “why are you so naive?” They easily go along with your tricks. They are waiting, ready to go along with anything you offer them. It’s the same mentality as the people who come to anime events and go, “since I’m already here, I am prepared to get my money’s worth by laughing at everything, even the parts that aren’t funny, and have a good time with everyone.” From a customer’s point of view, it’s such a naive mindset….maybe even going past naive into sly territory. Speaking broadly about movies in general, half-baked drama, half-baked crying or overly sentimental things doesn’t work on audiences nowadays. Rather, they are looking for ways to laugh at it.

Ever since that TV drama, "Stewardess Monogatari", I've been endlessly wary of such things. The goal is to make people laugh, not be laughed at. The movie is useless unless we (the creators) hold on to the hegemony.

Oshii: So when I saw CCA, I thought, there are definitely people out there who got together to drink and laugh out loud while watching this movie. And those who didn’t, said they couldn’t bear to watch it and stopped watching. Since they immediately develop a dislike for it. And the people who watched it seriously are hardcore robot fans, or Gundam fans…… they probably watched it very passionately (laughs). When you remove all of that, the message is clear. It’s completely anachronistic….. well, rather than anachronistic, I think what he’s doing is to a certain extent effective. It’s similar to what I was doing last year (Patlabor 2?).....he's speaking very sincerely, but depending on what kind of world and audiences see this movie, it will become a very unfortunate movie.

Anno: I think that movie is so one-sided though. I can’t imagine he had the audience in mind while he was making it.

Oshii: Well there was a sense of agitation, “there’s no way you’ll understand!”

Anno: I get that sense from the fighting spirit of the film.

Oshii: Because humans are somewhat beyond saving, even if you look at history, we haven’t done anything good. Probably even in the next century, whether humans go out into space, humans will repeat the same stupidity, getting everything and everyone involved and ruining it. That’s why he said, if God isn’t going to do it, I will.

Tsuge (Patlabor) and Char were thinking the same thing, basically wanting to impose punishment. It’s the story of a terrorist who, even if they don’t manage to impose that punishment, can reveal the naked truth just for a moment. It's the world that Miya-san hates most (laughs).

Miyazaki Hayao

Anno: But there’s probably a part of Miya-san that actually wants to write that kind of story.

Oshii: Somewhere yes. Take Nausicaa for example, within that world called “Nausicaa” there are characters with that sort of “scent.” Even that person (Miyazaki) has his own variations of this. It’s just that he has internalized that making it a reality would be a bad thing.

Anno: But his true feelings are Lepka (Future Boy Conan) or somewhere around there.

Oshii: Yes his real thoughts are somewhere different. That’s because that person is very strategic about what he puts out into the world and how. And it’s not necessary for the work to align with his truth.

Anno: Speaking of revealing one’s truth, I had expectations for Porco Rosso but what part of that was true, damn it (laughs).

Oshii: His truth was in there. But not of observations on humanity or the world, his truths about his personal life was the only thing in it. Especially surrounding troubles with women (laughs). And of course, only people who know him personally would understand such a thing. In that sense, it goes far beyond the craftiness of Patlabor; Porco Rosso is way more sly. He let everything out in that film and even left excuses for himself.

When you take off the pig mask, Miya-san is underneath. If he truly wanted to create a world that’s so unheard of and positive like that, why did the pig need to wear a trenchcoat and smoke? They just need to be going oink oink. It would’ve been a much more fun anime that way. If he wanted to make an anime that’ll make the kids happy, then there’s no need to make it so hard boiled, they should’ve just been oinking….cause pigs don’t need to speak. The pig goes oink oink, and is for some reason is good at piloting a plane. Then it would’ve been so much fun. But it’s not like that. And the reason it's not is because he wanted to show his truth….more like, he wanted to dispel his own sorrows through making this film. The audiences had it okay but his staff who had to go along with this are so pitiful. That’s the true pig curse. I bet they couldn’t stand it. Because they’re Miya-san’s excuse.

#cca doujin #hideaki anno #mamoru oshii #finish someday #translations #interview

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katyatalks · 4 years

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Mob Psycho 100 II - Kameda Yoshimichi’s Character Design Notes

With each blu-ray/DVD volume of MP100 II Character Designer Kameda Yoshimichi gives some notes regarding his process designing each character. Here are all his notes for S2 in the order they are presented, regarding; Shinra Banshoumaru, Emi, Mogami Keiji, Joudou Kirin, Asagiri Minori, The Urban Legends, Shimazaki Ryou, Hatori Nozomu, Minegishi Toshiki, Shibata Hiroshi, Suzuki Touichirou & Serizawa Katsuya.

SHINRA BANSHOUMARU

My highly recommended character from season 2, Shinrin Maruo! … that’s not his name, it’s Shinra Banshoumaru!! I super, super love Shinra to the point where it’s unbearable, and I even put him into season 1!!! Do you know where, though? These lovable, chubby characters - they’re lacking in recent anime, but I figured I’m in the position to change that!! I made him bigger than he is in the manga and upon drawing his rough design, Director Tachikawa told me I was going too far and had me draw a retake. I was like a bulldozer - ‘That’s so stupid!’ - so I managed to save his nice body (laughs).

After episode 2 he doesn’t appear at all, but please be sure to love Shinrin!!! How about a spin-off!? “Shinrin Psycho 100”, how’s that!?!?!? Ah, Shinra, actually. Sorry.

EMI

The amount of people who wanted to see this story animated!!!! Since it usually ranks either first or second place in polls that assess the most popular story in the Mob Psycho 100 manga, we figured we’d have season 2 start with it, and since it’s such a popular part, there was an agreement that I’d be animation director for it! Which I was enthusiastic about, until - huh? Episode 2 has Shinra Banshoumaru? Then, I’ll do episode 2! And with that, I left episode 1 in the hands of Yoshida-san! It’s a story with drama at its heart, and that’s what Yoshida-san specialises in, so I was happy with that!!! I’m pleased with Emi-chan’s hair colour. I made it a caramel-pink. My type 100%.

MOGAMI KEIJI

Truth is, work on Mob Psycho 100 II began from Episode 5. Because of that, the first of the fresh new characters to be drawn was Mogami. Just before getting to work on Mob Psycho 100 II I’d been working on something else where the proportions are quite short, so I kept in mind that I had to make sure that didn’t affect my designs here - as a result, for the first rough draft for Mogami, I had him with full on shoulder pads so he’d look taller, in a Saeba Ryou kinda vibe (laughs). Well, maybe not as far as Saeba Ryou. As expected, following a check with the director I was told the balance of his body isn’t Mob Psycho-ish! And now his design is as it is. And yet… maybe it would’ve been nice to have his shoulders be raised, just a little?? In the manga he’s quite a handsome man, but my Mogami isn’t that handsome… that’s regrettable.

JOUDOU KIRIN

I have Joudou-sensei wear a kesa [Buddhist priest’s robe] in the anime - it’s pretty cute, isn’t it? Something I paid attention to was the lines from where his kesa ends to his tip toes! He appears in episodes 4-7 and more so than Mogami does, but he’s fun to draw. His deformation in episode 4 was super funny, so we included more of those (laughs). However, the wrinkles on his forehead and his hair barcode are a bit of trouble, and he’s got three rosaries on, and vertical stripes on his kesa… a lot of lines, and animating all those lines is a delicate matter. Also, he has huge eyes. They must get dry easily, I’m sure that’s tough for him.

ASAGIRI MINORI

We get three design variations for Minori - the one in the bed, the one that’s possessed by Mogami, and the one wearing Salt Middle School’s sailor uniform. Her chipped nails while she’s lying in the bed are an anime original. I wanted something in her design that’d counter her cute face. Above everything, what stands out in her design is her hair colour!!!! Her final design has her with purple hair, but at first I imagined her with a cute pink, like Minky Momo-chan. However, the pink hair didn’t really match with her skin colour and overall ghastliness when she’s possessed by Mogami, so after a revision, I went for purple. The way she is now… well, she’s cute, but I think pink hair would’ve been reeeeeeally cute! There’s not many illustrations in the manga where the characters are given colour, so it was very fun getting to choose colours for the anime!

URBAN LEGENDS

With the characters that appear in the Urban Legend Arc, it was super fun to envision how they might move around, and what details to add and/or remove!! Regarding Wriggle Wriggle from episode 1, in order to give a sense of scale in comparing its height with Mob’s, on its character sheet I drew it with an extreme use of perspective. An angle similar to that image gets used in the anime.

In episode 2, Red Raincoat is as he is in the manga, but The Dragger dragging her dolls behind her is an original design. I gave the three dolls she drags a sense of individuality & a ghastly feel, then thought about wetting her clothes and skirt with mud and rain, deciding to make her simple. The dragger has very long hair, which appeals to my 80s-anime-loving taste. I guess when it comes to original designs I always drag out something that I’ve been stocking in my own drawers (laughs).

On the other hand, with Dash Granny all we see of her is her running blurry form, so even on her character sheet her references are all smeared - kinda like me declaring, ‘right, I’m the animation director for episode 2, so let me handle drawing the granny.’ (Laughs).

Season 2 is filled with a lot of deep stories, so if we get to continue the Mob Psycho 100 anime, I’d like for us to do more light-hearted stories where cases related to urban legends are solved like this!!

SHIMAZAKI RYOU

The member of the Ultimate Five who gets the most time in the spotlight, Shimazaki - easy to draw, isn’t he?? His eyes are lines, the corners of his mouth are a little lifted - just draw that and there you go! Shimazaki! He fights with Teru-kun twice - episodes 9 and 11 - but I’ve been told that the jersey Teru-kun wears from episode 10 onwards is quite perplexing (laughs). In the manga it’s a black jersey… of course I know that. It’s just… he fights Shimazaki, who has a black colour scheme, and then Mob and Sakurai also have black colour schemes… Suzuki is more or less the same, as is Koyama, so to say. Way too many characters with a black colour scheme. Having all these characters with black colour schemes in one scene? That’s a No, Thanks from me. With all that blackness, you wouldn’t be able to understand who’s who!!!!!! Huh? You’d understand because Teru is blonde? W-well...

HATORI NOZOMU

You noticed, right? Hatori’s very cute pigeon [hato] crest!! A crest I highly recommend! … and yet, Hatori doesn’t appear much, does he… plus, the pigeon really didn’t stand out at all either (laughs). As much as I could, I’d leave the style of clothing that each character wears in the manga more or less the same for their anime design, then apply colour, then add a design that matches the character - designing their clothes was fun! Teru-kun’s jersey has a seagull, and Koyama’s hoodie has a spiral-like design - I think it’d be fun to search for these designs!! Actually, why does Teru-kun’s jersey have a seagull on it, you might ask?? Well, flip the seagull upside down… and you get someone standing… pigeon toed!

MINEGISHI TOSHIKI

I felt like the kinds of plants Minegishi manipulates would be of a carnivorous nature, so I ended up learning a lot of stuff when I was doing research! When thinking of carnivorous plants, what immediately springs to mind is Rafflesia! Even when reading illustrated encyclopaedias as a kid, I thought Rafflesia plants looked pretty scary. I’d read something about ‘man-eating plants’ and thought to myself, man, I want that to be about Rafflesia - I looked it up and it was! It stinks, so it’s as if it eats both humans and insects! I feel sorry for it - it’s just a stinky flower. Also, I made a big discovery!! Seems like you can drink the digestive fluids of pitcher plants!!! *gags*. Apparently you can only drink it before they catch insects, but it’s close to being germ-free, so please, drink without worry! Also, in Malaysia or somewhere like that, it seems they put rice inside the mouth of a pitcher plant, then steam and eat it, like bamboo chimaki [Rice dumpling wrapped in bamboo leaves]. ...In a pitcher plant… really…? *gags* *gags again*. With venus flytraps, too, people put minced meat in their mouths and grill them or something… those of you who own carnivorous plants; please, give it a go!! But the result is your own responsibility!!!

SHIBATA HIROSHI

He brings the pressure in episode 10 - when I read the manga, I felt this incomparable atmosphere when Shibata transforms and roars noisily around. I think the anime was amazing in amping that up! Looking at the manga, when Shibata’s on his rampage, he takes on more of a swarthy tone. So when I came to choose his colours for the anime, I first had his skin tone be pretty dark, but I felt like that didn’t give the same impact as it did in the manga, so I proposed giving him a scarlet tone as if he came from the Asura realm! And I’m glad I had the sense to! Actually, speaking on this now, he’s kinda like The Hulk (laughs). I guess it would’ve been funny if I made his skin green.

SUZUKI TOUICHIROU

Truth is, I’d finalised Suzuki’s design during season 1. Only because he appears for a split second during the final episode, though (laughs). But, while working on the main story, something I noticed with my design that troubled me was that alongside being slender and baby-faced, his height left something to be desired… so he didn’t look like a boss character in the slightest. After I finished work on the final episode, I thought it’d be good to make his face a little longer, ie. more mature. To make him appear more aggressive, I tried to make his eyes smaller, but then his design strayed too far from his manga self. Of all the things that caused me grief, the worst one of them all was his hair - does he have a jagged hairline because he’s brushed his hair back, or is the jaggedness there a very short fringe due to him having short hair? After I finished work on the final episode, I unexpectedly had the chance to see ONE-sensei, live, drawing Suzuki - from there, my problem was solved!!! Jagged hair (laughs). (It’s due to him having short hair, right?) I apologise for never grasping the true form of his hair, right up to the end.

SERIZAWA KATSUYA

Translated previously here.

Twitter crosspost here.

Season 1 notes here.

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my stuff #shinra banshoumaru #emi #mogami keiji #joudou kirin #asagiri minori #shimazaki ryou #hatori nozomu #minegishi toshiki #shibata hiroshi #suzuki touichirou #serizawa katsuya #booklet #kameda yoshimichi

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diaryofasupergroupie · 4 years

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How to accidentally walk into a relationship - again

At this point it has become a personality trait, something I am known for. I have spoken about talents which I have learned throughout my time being a groupie but accidentally finding myself in relationships is all me. A few of you have been following my new relationship with an actor which I shall call R (not at all his name so don’t try to guess). I suppose this can also act as an update and not just a demonstration of my stupidity.

After a lovely date and some time at home I travelled to London again to see him Thursday. When we have been apart we have been talking pretty consistently and without fail will say goodnight. I arrived in the middle of the day and met him at a bar where we had lunch. It was all very lovely and he talked to me about some drama he’s having regarding rumours started by his ex wife - apparently, you know I’m cynical about things such as this. So far R has been extremely nervous with certain things. We get on very well and he appeals to the part of me which adores the awkward nerdy men of the world. He is adorable and says wonderful things to me about how he’s surprised I even want to be around him. For reference he is around 15 years older than I am. The anxiety doesn’t put me off at all and the things he seems to be nervous about when we talk I find cute.

R ordered drinks and opened a tab and as the day went on became more at ease. He started to intentionally make jokes and touched me a little more than he would usually. At that point I didn’t know but he also had taken some anxiety meds. I have different levels of drunk and I became a solid 6/10 I was able to function and make choices but I was also doing things I perhaps wouldn’t such as ordering disgusting desserts when I’m apparently supposed to be watching my figure. R looked me in the eye and whispered “you’re so pretty K, are you sure you don’t want to be with some 20 year old you can take home?” I laughed and found this very funny because perhaps it’s just the trauma but he is irresistible. I told him no and at this point he was obviously feeling very confident and reached over and kissed me. He kissed me roughly and hot and his hand came up to run up my thigh. He was so heavenly and left me gasping as he pulled away. I grinned back at him and he took my hand and urged me along to walk to his apartment.

He looked at me as though I was something he had just discovered and we kissed through his apartment until he kissed down my neck and urged my jacket off. I pushed him down onto the couch and climbed on top of him. His fingers danced along my waist and with my arms around his neck his eyes didn’t look away from me. He has such beautiful eyes, the kind you remember. “K, we don’t have to do this. We can hang out and you don’t even have to stay here to find. I can pay for you to stay in a hotel.” R told me. He was so sweet. I kissed him and ran my fingers through his hair. “I don’t usually do things like this but with you I just can’t help myself.” I told him. Was it true? Not really but I knew it was what he would want to hear. That he was so desirable and wanted that I was breaking all my morals for him. “I can tell.” He replied. “God you’re beautiful.” Men will buy whatever you’re selling.

We kissed and bit and marked each other until we went to his bedroom and I was pushed down onto the bed. He was rough and delicious but didn’t seem at all the type. His hands gripped me tight and he left a trail of kisses down my body before his head came to a stop between my legs. I won’t go into details about what I like between the sheets for risk of this getting flagged but if you’re really interested I’m not at all shy. I wasn’t expecting what I got from him and perhaps it’s just my lack of experience of dating older men but I didn’t expect it to be as good as it was, not that I would ever tell him that.

It left me exhausted and collapsing back against the pillows as his arm wound around me and I played with the necklace he wore. This is a big step for me who for years wouldn’t stick around after because of my intimacy issues but my friend A has been helping me deal with those as he helps me deal with most things. I was drifting off to sleep as he whispered sweet things in my ear. “K, you’re beautiful. You’re so perfect, I haven’t felt this good since I met my ex wife.” Strange compliment but I was too tired to care. “That was so good. I can see a future with you, I can’t stop thinking about you.” Again forward but strangely typical for a groupie. I had used all my best tricks on him and musicians have said much more intense things to me after just meeting me. I’ve been told men would marry me because they’re so caught up in the moment after you have created such a fantasy for them. Everything was going wonderfully until he kissed the side of my head and whispered “if we were together it would fix all our issues. My ex wife would stop what she’s doing and people who stop saying you and A are having an affair” I don’t know if I didn’t process the words or I was already asleep but I replied “sure” and fell asleep.

Later I woke and the realisation of what I did hit me. I heard R on the phone on the balcony in what seemed to be mid panic attack. I did overhear him freaking out about how he thinks he may have scared me off and how he screwed up but I also overheard him say he had some of the best sex he’s had which was a confidence boost especially because I had been drinking so wasn’t on top form. I hurried into the bathroom and locked myself away while I phoned my lovely friend M who many of you know and love. The conversation was a blur of me swearing off drink (laughable really) and M making fun of me a great deal. I told her being in a relationship whether pretend (not my first, very common in the groupie scene) or real after 3 weeks was ridiculous. She replied that I had hopped into bed with men after 3 hours and I also once got engaged after 4 weeks. She has a point. It wasn’t that I didn’t want anything with R I just didn’t know whether me leaving for grad school fuelled it, his anxiety or whether it was genuine or just a bit of fun. Did I see a future with him? I hoped for one but it all feels quite rushed.

I walked out of that bathroom after M talked me up and R told me he was sorry for what he said but he meant it and he hopes there’s some kind of future and he doesn’t scare me off. I went to him and wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him. As I write this I’m not exactly sure whether I am in a relationship fake or real but I imagine I will find out. I’m scared to ask but as we’re going to a small gathering tonight with M and her new super famous man with a few others I suppose I will find out. When this has been posted I shall already hopefully know - hopefully. I will also have already spoken to A so he can’t become moody with me for not telling him as I did with V and he can write another song about how I drink too much wine and do things that go well with guitars and a drum beat. I’ll keep you informed.

I hope someone enjoyed this little insight into my current life and took something from it like perhaps don’t agree to things during pillow talk. If there are any posts you would like to see or if you have any questions or would like to hear more during my fake or real relationship with R please let me know! - K

#diary of a super groupie #groupie #bands #diary #modern groupie #band aid #actor #dating #groupie dating #music industry #groupie relationships #story #drunk story #R

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fancat-not-fangirl · 4 years

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It’s Not You Pt.7

They sat in silence for a bit, finishing their food.

Scared that if he’d look up he’d find Cas staring back at him with those big blue eyes, Dean kept his head down, pretending to look at the remaining pie on his plate. Only, once they were done, he didn’t have any more excuses not to look at Cas. So, steeling himself, Dean raised his head and immediately found Cas’s eyes, that glanced away the moment they met. Clearing his throat, Dean decided that the only way out of this steaming pile of shit was through.

“So. Cas.” The freshman’s head swiveled towards Dean, who desperately tried not to lose his nerve. “Sam tells me that you bring an extra sock everywhere you go, just in case you lose one from another pair.”

Cas blushed furiously (awwww) and started fiddling with the edges of his sleeve. There was a word, a name maybe, stitched into the underside of his sleeve, but Dean couldn’t make out what it said. He focused instead on Cas’s face. “My mom makes me bring an extra because she knows that whenever I go somewhere, I always lose one sock.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Always?” A nod from Cas.

“Always always? As in, not once in your entire life have you gone on a trip somewhere and not lost a sock?”

Another nod. “Well then the Sock God up in Sock Heaven must really hate you, Cas.”

Dean loved the way the name rolled off his tongue. What he loved even more, though, was the small smile and laugh that Cas let out. Just for him. Now feeling incredibly pleased with himself, Dean bravely asked another question.

“And is it true that you have a vinyl record signed by the one and only Bruno Mars?” At this, Cas got this adorable proud look on this face and he nodded.

“I went to one of his concerts for my sixteenth birthday and my mom got us backstage passes. That’s where I got him to sign it.” He then added quietly, “I’ve kinda been obsessed with him since I was little.”

“Did you bring it with you?”

Looking a little surprised, Cas nodded. Taking a deep breath and shyly looking down, he asked, “Do you want to see?”

Grinning from ear to ear, Dean said, “I’d like that.”

***

Back in the dorm room, which looked like it came straight from a magazine because it was so clean, Cas walked over to his bed and the record hanging above his pillow. Taking it off of the wall like it was the Mona Lisa, he gingerly cradled it in his arms and walked over to Dean.

“Be careful.” He whispered as he offered it into Dean’s outstretched hands. Nodding, Dean held the vinyl record with the scribbled ‘Bruno Mars’ in the center. It was heavier than he expected. Heavier and a lot more rough. Examining it for a few seconds, he then silently handed it back to Cas, who looked thoroughly relieved that it was finally back in his care. Even then, the cute look of worry never truly left the freshman’s face until he record was safely hanging back on the wall. Oh but how adorable he looked when he was worried. His forehead scrunched up, and his nose twitched, and he shifted from foot to foot, and Dean decided that he should probably stop mooning over Cas and say something.

“I know how to play some of his songs on the guitar.” Cas obviously wasn’t expecting Dean to start talking, and he jumped a little at the sound of his voice. Dean fought back a smile and continued. “I’ve been playing the guitar for a while now, since Sammy was little.” He sat down on Sam’s bed, wincing a bit at how far down he sank into the mattress.

“Did he ever tell you that the only way he would be able to fall asleep when he was a kid was if I sang to him?”

Cas shook his head with a small smile and in turn sat down across from Dean on his own mattress.

“Well, it’s true. And one day there was this guitar up for grabs outside this house that was for sale, and I decided ‘What the hell, I sing to him anyway. Might as well learn to play the guitar while I’m at it’, and snatched that wooden piece of junk from the driveway.” Smiling at the memory, Dean shrugged. “It’s still the same guitar I play now. She’s never let me down.”

He heard Cas stifle a laugh. “She?”

“Yeah. She. If my car is Baby, then my guitar is Baby 2.0.”

The giggle that left Cas’s mouth made the entire room brighter. Dean suddenly made it his life’s mission to make this freshman smile and laugh as much as physically possible. Starting now.

“Hey, did Sammy ever tell you about the time that he got invited to this chick’s middle school Halloween party? And he thought that she was oh so pretty and got so nervous, that when he went to go bob for apples and show her how ‘much of a man he was’, he threw up all over her?”

Cas stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. Dean couldn’t have been happier. Making a split second decision, he got up and moved across the room to sit down next to Cas on his bed. Cas looked a little shocked at first, but then Dean launched into another story that had Cas almost rolling on the floor with laughter, making Dean the luckiest man alive.

“What about you?”

Cas looked up, still smiling but now a bit confused. “What about me?”

“Has my little brother done anything stupid around you?”

A slow smile spread across Cas’s face and he started telling Dean about the time that the boys had accidentally left their window open and a bird had flown in. Sam had apparently tried to shoo it out, but it had pecked him in the face, causing him to run out and come back a few minutes later with a broom, then proceeding to chase the bird around the dorm room. At one point in the story, Cas had stood up and pointed to a small indent in the wall, explaining how Sam had swung the broom towards the bird but missed, instead hitting the wall. Demonstrating Sam’s furious running back and forth, Cas had Dean almost in tears by the end, and he collapsed onto the rug in the middle of the room and panted, trying to catch his breath. His dark hair was spread around his head like a halo, and Dean had the fleeting thought that Cas looked like an angel. A beautiful, insanely adorable, funny as hell angel.

Dean gasped out through laughs, “What kind of bird was it?”

“A pigeon.” Then Cas’s eyes went comically wide as he lowered his voice to a whisper and brought his face so close to Dean’s that their foreheads almost touched.

“It pooped on his head.”

Both boys dissolve into another fit of hysterics. Dean was soon joining Cas on the floor, both of them rolling around, cracking up. Dean couldn’t understand it. How happy he was, laughing his heart out with this freshman. God damn it, he was Dean Fucking Winchester. He wore leather jackets and had a cool car and could beat you up if you looked at him the wrong way. Yet here he was, with a boy that made his face light up and his stomach hurt and his heart almost burst out of his chest. Cas had somehow managed to throw everything Dean Winchester stood for out the window, and now he found himself giggling like a five year old at the faces Cas was making. And Dean didn’t want it to end.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Dean choked out, “Do you have pictures?”

Cas nodded fervently and hauled himself up into a sitting position on the floor, sweater sleeve hiking up on his arm as he reached for his phone that was lying on his desk.

Dean froze.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he was tackling Cas and wrapping his arms around the now very very confused looking freshman. The one that was so cute and adorable and whose smile lit up Dean’s entire world. The one whose laugh was like listening to the prettiest music on Earth. The one whose eyes were like staring into the summer sky and whose hair looked like a halo around his head.

The one that had the word Winchester imprinted on his wrist, and whose last name, Novak, was stitched into the underside of his sleeve.

The one that didn’t pull back when Dean pressed their lips together, instead letting out a small sound that made Dean glow from the inside, and returned the kiss. It was perfect. Dean had kissed people before. He had kissed girls, he had kissed boys, but nothing could have prepared him for this kiss. This kiss was an explosion of color. Fireworks, even.

Dean finally, finally, raised his hand and ran it through Cas’s hair. Hair that felt like silk under his fingers. Dean firmly decided that this had been worth the wait.

Cas moaned into the kiss, and arched his body up into Dean, who wrapped his arms tighter around the small, cute creature who he could now finally call his. Dean could do this forever, he decided. Cas’s mouth was perfect and sweet and everything Dean could have asked for.

“CAS, I’M NOT YOUR SOULMATE!”

Dean and Cas didn’t even have time to break apart before the door was bursting open and Sam was careening into the room, announcing the phrase loud enough that people five doors down could hear. He was followed by Gabe, who froze alongside Sam at the sight of Cas on the floor, Dean sprawled on top of him.

“What the shit-”

“I can explain-”

“The hell are you doing, barging in like that-”

“You’re finally getting laid little bro-”

They all spoke at once, drowning each other out. Sam and Cas were both red in the face, one of them apologizing and the other staring at Dean in disbelief. Gabe, meanwhile, was obviously trying to contain his laughter, and Dean was clearly mad that his brother had interrupted them.

“Can someone please explain what’s going on?” This came from Sam, who looked incredibly confused at the scene in front of him.

Dean smiled and started rolling up his sleeve. He then unclasped his watch, which he only ever took off at night, so that Sam could never see his soulmate’s name. After realizing as a little kid that he and his brother shared the same imprint on their wrists, he refrained from sharing his soulmate’s name with his brother, afraid of the drama it would cause in the family. Instead, he kept his watch on him at all times of the day, but it finally came off now.

Sam inhaled sharply as he saw the clear, black ‘Novak’ inscripted on his brother’s wrist. Cas gasped, too, and his wide eyes met Dean’s, who didn’t look away this time.

“So what y’all are telling me,” Gabe spoke up now, still trying his best not to laugh. “Is that I’m going to be fucking your brother, and you’re going to be fucking my brother? We’re one big brother fucking family now or what?”

There was a moment of silence.

“Try selling that shit to Disney.”

And then they were all shrieking with laughter, doubling over and gasping for breath until their sides hurt. Cas and Dean were yet again rolling on the floor, but this time they were grabbing at each other’s hands and shirts instead of keeping to themselves. Gabe had collapsed onto Sam’s bed, giggling into the pillows. Sam was bent over, trying to steady himself by grabbing onto Cas’s chair, which promptly tipped over, sending him tumbling to the ground. That didn’t help matters whatsoever, and it was a solid ten minutes later that they finally got themselves under control and could say anything without the group launching back in a frenzy of chuckles and cackles.

Regaining their breath, Cas and Dean sat up and leaned their backs against Cas’s bed, Cas putting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“So how did you figure it out?” Dean asked his brother, who hadn’t bothered getting up from the ground and remained sprawled across the floor.

Sam blushed and opened his mouth to answer, but Gabe talked over him, winking at his soulmate. “Oh buddy, you don’t want to know.”

Anything that was enough to make Sam blush was a must-know in Dean Winchester’s book.

He leaned forward.

“Tell me everything.”

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel novak #gabriel novak #destiel #sabriel #college au #soulmate au #destiel fic #it's not you

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m00nslippers · 5 years

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What do you think about Accidental movie star! Jason? He's shopping for groceries one day when someone walks up to him and goes "You fit the description of my character perfectly. Please audition for a movie I'm directing." Jason is skeptical, but acting is a passion he has missed so he gives it a try. The movie turns out to be a hit and now all the directors want Jason in their movies

Lol, I like it. He’s just shoppin’ for groceries, minding his own business when he sees a mugger steal a lady’s purse and Jason just leaps into action, doing parkour and shit, just crazy, highly-skilled stuff and punches the guy out and gives the lady her purse back, all without even thinking and delivers a scathing, angry lecture at the robber, like sometimes you’ve gotta steal, he gets it, but you don’t steal from old ladies who can barely afford their medications, in broad daylight, and knock kids into the street to get hit by cars when you run away!

A director of a big action movie, what there when this all went down and he’s just so impressed, so captivated by the guy, he has just great, emotional expressions and voice, these movie-star handsome looks, the height, the body, the physical skills, it’s everything he’s been looking for in this character. Can he act? Who knows, but his looks and abilities are already so appealing that if the guy couldn’t act for shit the movie would probably still sell well just on his looks and the action alone. It’s not like action movies usually need a lot of depth anyway. It’s worth a shot right?

So he goes to Jason and explains himself and gives him a card and a time to show up to audition with the casting director. He asks, do you have any experience acting? Jason’s thinking of all the undercover work he’s had to do over the years and the little bit of drama club he had in middle school and says, a little. Jason is just…really confused by the whole situation. The Red Hood, in a movie? Ridiculous. Sure no one knows he’s the Red Hood, but still. He accepts the card and everything but he doesn’t think he’s going to show up…until he tells the story to Roy so they can laugh about it, but Roy is like, “No, you should do it! You’d be so good, Jaybird!” But Jason is just like nah nah, I ain’t gonna embarrass myself, but Roy is serious.

So then Roy enlists Dick and suddenly everyone Jason knows is demanding he show up for this goddamn audition. Cass is saying how he’s always doing all the voices when reading to her and it’s so good, and Alfred as talking about how Jason would read Shakespeare opposite him in the evenings and how he’s always trying to get him to do community theater, Tim’s got a bunch of recordings from their undercover work where he embarassed a bunch of evil scientists by making them looks stupid and it doesn’t prove anything but it is funny to watch them because everyone fully believes Jason is some super-evil taskmaster sent by their boss to get results, Bruce is trying to break out the recording he made of Jason’s middle school play…and finally Jason is just like, “Fine, I’ll go! They’re just going to tell me it was all a joke and to never darken their door again but if you need an opportunity to laugh at me, whatever, I’ll appease you assholes.”

So he shows up to the think, and like he thought the casting director isn’t keen on some rando with no credentials showing up to audition but the director is there too and is super enthusiastic so maybe it was a joke on the casting lady instead of on Jason. But they give him a script and have Jason read opposite some lady who is apparently a famous hot actress but he doesn’t pay attention to that stuff so he doesn’t really recognize her. So they start to do the reading, where the love interest is trying to make the hero leave his life of running-and gunning behind to live happily ever after with her and the hero gives her some bullshit like, “This is what I am, I’m no good for that life, I’m just an empty shell, blah blah blah.” The typical poor attempts to put some emotional stakes and depth into a movie that’s just a vehicle for stunts, so no one is expecting much but–

Jason just kills it. Like, holy shit. he can do angry, he can do heartfelt and hesitant and torn and determined and the full emotional range. He’s not stilted or putting on some fake tough guy exterior, he just completely sells both the pent up rage of a hollow man left with nothing but violence, but also the man who wishes he could have had another softer, happy life, who really loves someone. They casting director is floored, she’s trying to hire him immediately and the director is looking so smug, and the actress is looking him up and down with interest like already planning the headlines where it’s revealed he’s her newest fling. And Jason is just thinking, that was pretty fun but I doubt this will amount to much, but to his surprise he’s already getting a contract shoved down his throat and they’re trying to push him into signing on for a movie and two sequels if the first one does well and he’s so overwhelmed. This isn’t really happening, is it?

He sits on the contracts a bit and is trying to think of an excuse to turn down a few million dollars that won’t sound completely insane but int he end Steph goes over to his apartment everyday to bug the shit out of him, like, “Oh my God, Jason, I would know A MOVIE STAR! Don’t you know it’s my dream to drive the paparazzi insane by cheekily photo-bombing all of their pics with really stupid stunts and peace signs?” and he points out she already does that with the paps around Tim and Cass and she’s like, “IT’S NOT ENOUGH I NEED MORE.” So he ends up signing the contracts and wondering what he got himself into.

Filming goes well, he does most of his own stunts, makes friends with most of the stunt people and a few of the actors, the lead actress keeps trying to get into his pants but he’s not interested in being front page news (little does he know he’ll make it anyway). Filming completes, he goes home, thinks well that was an experience, and doesn’t worry about it much until he shows up on the red carpet for the release. It’s not a film that’s going to win any Oscars but it’s expected to make some money. He takes Roy as his ‘date’ because he loves stupid action movies and at the scene where he’s pouring his heart out to the love interest Roy straight up cries and a few other people in the theater do too, which baffles Jason. At the end of the film there’s a standing ovation and the director is trying to show Jason off like he’s the star and people are saying it’s going to be a summer blockbuster sleeper hit and Jason is going to be the next big star, like Matt Damon or something, he can do action and acting, but this is pretty standard for movie premiers Jason figures, so he doesn’t take any of the praise to heart, he’s just like, that was an experience I guess.

And then the movie hits theaters. It’s 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics like it too and say it’s got great action with a hot new star who somehow manages to put real emotion into tired tropes and how they unexpectedly cried in this film that everyone wrote off as a stunt vehicle with guns and car explosions and gang/mob violence. And people start taking pictures of him and glomping him in the streets and he’s doing the press junket on freaking Ellen and the Late Show with the actress and she still keeps trying to get him to date her although now she’s wondering if he’s gay with Roy because he took the guy to the premier with him instead of family or a girlfriend. And people are already talking about a trilogy for the sequels and now the movie is blowing up in China and some other director is trying to sign him for a drama Oscar-bait role that would usually star someone like Ryan Gosling and he’s just like…how did this happen?

#Red hood #Jason Todd #actor!Jason #Accidental actor!Jason #AU #headcanon #imagine #Roy harper #Arsenal #action star

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