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ijustliketoreadstuff · 1 month

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The weight of Kagami's emotions.

At the end of "Protection", after Kagami realizes she had made a terrible mistake by misjudging Marinette, believing Lila's lie that her friend was secretly a liar and manipulator, she breaks down, blaming herself for being so weak as to allow her own emotions get the better of her again and cloud her judgment.

Kagami has always had a very strong reaction to discovering any mistake she made was the result of her failing to set aside her own emotions, especially considering those emotions have been used by Monarch to akumatize her, but this is expected on account of just who she is.

( In “Protection”, Lila explains Kagami has enormous pressure to be perfect and sees any emotion as a weakness)

Having lived a very isolated life where her only sole purpose was to uphold her family name, by being the perfect daughter, did eventually make Kagami realize she didn't know anything about how to socialize with other people, let alone about the relationships that surrounded the friendships everyone had. Even though Kagami might not have known how to make friends, she was determined to learn how.

(In "Ikari Gozen", Kagami tries to learn how to be friendlier to improve her social skills and make a friend, starting with Marinette)

Back in "Ikari Gozen", when Kagami decided to try and befriend Marinette during the friendship day competition, she was not aware that Marinette had misunderstood her and viewed her as a cold diabolical person who was dedicated to carrying out any secret scheme if it meant she could get Adrien to fall in love with her(more here).

Fortunately, Marinette was quick to realize her mistake and wasted no time in trying to make up for her actions, determined to accept Kagami's friendship with open arms and show her they can be friends, a moment that Kagami likely thought about later on when she became Ryuko for the first time, a time when Marinette/Ladybug and the viewers got a chance to see Kagami open up a little about her fear of failure .

(In "Ikari Gozen", Kagami was happy to see Marinette's determination to accept their new friendship as she spoke to her mother to cover for her. Marinette might not have been an image of perfection, but she proved to Kagami that she was a good person nonetheless.)

On the surface, Kagami appeared to be seemingly perfect to anyone who met her, but for her to maintain that sense of perfection was not only hard, it was nerve wracking as any sense of failure was seen as a disgrace by her family. "There are no second chances in my family", these are some of the core beliefs Kagami's family has lived by, and this we see all throughout the series affect Kagami again and again as she willingly accepted any failure that crossed her path.

(In "Ikari Gozen", Kagami did not blame Marinette for feeling disappointed in being paired with her for the friendship day competition. Instead, Kagami believed it was her own fault for not being worthy enough of such a friendship to begin with.)

(In "Ikari Gozen", Kagami's immediate response in failing to follow Ladybug's plan and stopping her akumatized mother on her own, was to quickly deem herself unworthy, someone who was not good enough to work alongside the heroes, and because of this, she did not hesitate to try and renounce the dragon miraculous.)

However, Ladybug told Kagami making mistakes are no reason to stop fighting, she always had the choice to try again, she only needed to be willing to take that chance. This was not only good advice for Kagami to hear, it was something she had taken a little more to heart that day she met Marinette for the Friendship Day competition. Ladybug's words might have been a complete contrast to what her family was taught to believe, but after watching Marinette's determination to give their new friendship a second chance, it was enough for Kagami to tell herself that maybe she could give into the thought of second chances for herself.

And yet, despite Ladybug's words of wisdom and Marinette's heartfelt attempts to be there for Kagami as a true friend, that feeling to be the perfect person, never left Kagami.

(In "Perfection", Kagami explains she has always had this overwhelming feeling to be the perfect person.)

To the Tsurugi's, nothing was more important than perfection. If they couldn't be perfect, then they were nothing. Kagami understood she knew very little about friendships, she didn't know how to act around other people, but it did not sway her from doing everything she could to try and be that perfect friend to the few she had.

But no matter what she did, be it reach out to her friends during their time of need or make room during her busy schedule to attend group gatherings, she could never shake that fear of potentially disappointing her friends if she didn't do more to be the perfect best friend.

Unlike other moments where she saw a challenge with a victory at the end of the line, maintaining a friendship was one thing Kagami could not understand if she was doing right, because unlike every other challenge she faced, her friendships were not a battle to be won, they were bonds she had to learn how to nurture and understand, and since she didn’t know if her actions were producing the results they should, that feeling of not being good enough remained the same.

(In "Perfection", Kagami was unsure if she was doing what a friend should do, but was happy to hear Marinette tell her she did help her and she has always been a good friend.)

Of course, friends like Marinette were there to help consul her about just what it means to be a good friend, but for someone like Kagami, who still knew so little about friendships, the possibility that some friendships were toxic, had yet to cross her mind, leaving her to accept advice from someone like Lila who intended to use her against others. Sure, Kagami had her own history with Lila, but after her experience with Marinette during the friendship day competition, what reason did she have to not give a second chance to those who were willing to listen and be kind to her. If the love between friends can be multiplied rather than divided just like Marinette said, then to Kagami, Lila was just another friend who would be added to that love, never knowing that the love Lila had for her was fake.

(Kagami had a strong dislike for Lila back in "Oni-chan" for being so close to Adrien. Although Kagami did eventually view her as a friend in "Perfection", she has not yet realized that her friendship with Lila would be the first toxic relationship she experienced, something she had never experienced and is unable to see now due to having a positive view of Lila that overshadowed any possibility that she is toxic and intended to use her to hurt Marinette.)

Kagami is currently content with the friendships she has and the new friendships she made near the end of "Perfection", but to have had that chance to experience such friendships away from her family and draw wisdom from them, did eventually reveal the cruel reality of her families toxic views and the unhappiness she ignored for much of it all.

Kagami rarely talks about her own feelings if she thinks it could cause trouble for others. In "Protection" alone, Kagami chose not to tell Marinette and Adrien about the pain she felt from watching the two of them live out a romance she once felt certain she was destined to have, with Adrien(more here). And if things ever came down to talking to her mother, well, she rarely talks about her feelings to her mother, and after the events of "Ikari Gozen" and “Protection”, we can see why. Tomoe does not approve of the decisions Kagami makes when she is guided by her emotions, regardless of the good intentions her daughter had.

Back in "Perfection", Kagami was happy to see everyone be so understanding of each other and dedicated to coming together to solve a problem. She was also happy to see Adrien working so hard to make his emotions clear to better deal with them, but knowing the struggles Kagami has had in sorting and expressing her own emotions, odds are, these were all things she wished would occur more in her life, but can't. After all, emotions are cast aside and looked down upon in her family, rather than shared and understood.

Emotions are viewed as a source of great weakness to the Tsurugi family, and if Kagami refused to accept this, her mother was more than willing to attempt to force her to uphold their families ways. If Kagami still had feelings for Adrien, then Tomoe saw no reason for Kagami to just cast aside her feelings of friendship and cut the bond Marinette and Adrien shared, all so Kagami could take Adrien back.

To Tomoe, Kagami was never meant to have a say on how she felt if things were already decided for her. Anytime Kagami did attempt to express her feelings on a matter, her mother never hesitated to belittle her for it. Kagami's choice was whatever her mother's demands were, and unbeknownst to Kagami, her entire life had already been decided, from the kind of person she should be, to who she would spend the rest of her life with.

(In "Protection, Tomoe rejects Kagami's reasoning to not take Adrien back, believing that Kagami's feelings on the matters of being devoted to her friends is ridiculous and must end it if it prevents her from taking what she wants. )

When Kagami dated Adrien in the past, Tomoe and Gabriel were aware of their romance, but were not aware of the breakup they quickly faced in "Lies", until "Protection". Needless to say, they were not happy with the news. Gabriel and Tomoe decided long ago that Kagami and Adrien were never meant to have a say on the matters of who they chose to love, they had to marry each other because the two of them were supposed to be perfect for one another, a plan that obviously backfired the more Kagami and Adrien lived out their own lives.

Kagami knew Adrien loved Marinette, and for them, she was willing to keep her pain hidden so as to not cause them any hurt, but being pulled back and forth between abiding by her mothers demands and remaining a loyal friend, left her desperate to talk to a friend who was willing to listen to her woes, and the only one she could turn too to trust, who would not be involved with both Marinette and Adrien, was Lila, who sadly was quick to use Kagami's pain as an advantage to ruin Marinette (more here). To hear her mother tell her to take back Adrien was one thing, but to hear her so-called “best friend” tell her the same thing, was on a whole other level.

Near the end of "Protection", after Lila's lies about Marinette were cleared (more here), Kagami blamed herself for failing to push away the emotions she believed would only cause trouble. Despite her mistakes, Marinette and Adrien know Kagami could not be that perfect person for them, no one can, they have all made their share of mistakes every day of their lives and Kagami was no different. They appreciated Kagami's efforts to be a good friend, but they also cared for her and her well being, and what they wished most for Kagami was for her to not push away her emotions, but to instead acknowledge and learn from them.

( Marinette gave Kagami the words her own mother would never dare say herself, let alone accept, which was that emotions don't have to be a weakness. If you are willing to face your own emotions and understand what they are telling you, they can be turned into a strength.)

It was important for Kagami to know that Marinette and Adrien loved her just the way she is. Kagami may be strong willed, but she is still very innocent, she may seem perfect, but she is still very flawed just like everyone else, and just like everyone else, she didn’t have to feel ashamed for simply having emotions. The Tsurugi legacy, and Tomoe, taught Kagami to view her emotions as a weakness, but if being friends with Marinette and Adrien has taught Kagami anything, it's that sometimes it's good to listen to advice from the friends who love and cherish you.

The moment Kagami realized her friends saw no shame in her simply trying to tell them how she felt as best she could, was the moment Kagami admitted what she felt all along, but tried so hard to hide, which was that watching the love her two friends had for each other, hurt.

Marinette and Adrien might have felt compelled to apologized to Kagami for their love causing her so much pain, but Kagami knew it was not their fault, they did nothing wrong by choosing to love each other and she now knows it was not wrong to feel the way she did either, to speak out about those feeling rather than bottle them all up. But for her to simply let go of a past love and a future she thought she was meant to have, all in an instant, was not something she could easily do so long as she was constantly reminded of what she had and what could have been, she understood that she had to move on, but it had to be done with time.

To follow her mother's advice to take back Adrien, regardless of the pain it would cause her friends, was out of the question, and to look past the lies Lila told was not to be easily forgotten. Kagami may be a Tsurugi, but the things that her family were willing to do, and the emotions they were willing to sacrifice, all to obtain the victory they wanted, no longer felt right, and neither did giving up on any friendships she felt were meaningful and genuine, including Lila's, who's friendship will take Kagami time to realize was never real.

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starguardianniom · 6 months

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The Paris Special and Cataclysm

So the special happened right after Destruction ended, so right after Monarch deliberately made Chat Noir use Cataclysm on him so Ladybug could not longer have any leverage on him and escape with the Lucky Charm, dooming himself.

A bit later the same night Claw Noir, while fighting Chat Noir, Cataclysm himself and doesn't seem bothered after letting out a scream. Or the physical pain doesn't even reach the level of emotional pain he feels during that time, who knows.

So Chat Noir has his own father and an evil alternate version of himself who literally had him hurt themselves and he's horrified.

They are willing to hurt each other if it means they can win in the long run, showing their goals have past reached their own wellbeing. It just shows how unhealthy they are mentally and how it poisons their minds.

Cataclysm here seems to be the symbolism of their destructive grief and negative emotions, they let it consume and hurt themselves rather than trying to heal and move on. And grief can literally kill you, dying of a broken heart is a real thing, and I feel that in the special it showed us the 2 possible outcomes of it.

Negative emotions can lead you to spiral that can end with you also destroying yourself emotionally and physically, though I don't feel like I need to go into details, I feel the special kind of showed some ideas well enough.

In the first one outcome, which would be Gabriel since he got Cataclysmed first before Betterfly, Shadybug and Claw Noir showed up, Gabriel never let go of his grief and negative emotions, doesn't want to move on from Émilie and wants to bring her back no matter what, that's the outcome of letting grief and negative emotions consume you entirely.

The second outcome is Claw Noir not minding to get Cataclysmed himself and keeps using his power all the time, but in the end after a talk with Adrien, he choose to let it go and finally start to heal rather than stewing in his bitterness, sadness and loneliness and the all consuming, numbing pain of grief and all the dark emotions that comes with it. Of course he still has work ahead of himself, but he did the first most important step, and it was to accept that his mother was gone and would have prefered him to be happy rather than being miserable and mourning her loss for the rest of his life, and sure you can keep mourning your loved ones, but it doesn't mean that you can't learn to live with it and move on and be happy yourself, they still stay with you in your heart, and they would want you to live a long and happy life even if they're aren't around anymore.

I think this is why in the end (apart from the other reason of plot device since we still had the rest of season 5 to go through) Claw Noir got healed from his Cataclysm wound by Shadybug's Miraculous Cure, whereas Monach wasn't, because Claw Noir was ready to let go of his grief, Monarch wasn't, so Claw Noir got healed cause he wanted to stop hurting over his mother's disappearance after a talk with his alternate self who completely understood his feelings and situation and told him his own experience and offered advice that helped him be in a much better mental state that he was, but Monarch didn't want to give up on Émilie after getting most of the miraculouses after he feels so close after all this time so he wasn't healed because he couldn't let go, as he is obsessed over Émilie and his goal.

Which brings to their fate, Claw Noir lives, while Monarch at the end of season 5, dies, well choose to die and join Émilie and fix Nathalie rather than facing the consequences of his actions more would be it, getting what he wanted and also not entirely, given he was supposed to bring Émilie back and sacrifice someone else so that they could be a happy family again, but instead he chose to orphanate Adrien and be with Émilie and have Nathalie guard Adrien at the last second, he's still a horrible excuse of a parent and while I'm beyond pissed at this ending I'm also beyond done watching him do anymore crap for the following seasons.

So in the Paris Special there was the lowkey message of either you let your grief and negative emotions destroy you or you choose to accept them and start moving on to heal, and it was symbolised by Cataclysm.

It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel grief or negative emotions, you can't be happy 24/7 for your entire life, but letting them out in a healthy way instead of stewing in them without letting them go is what I feel the Special was about.

Thoughts?

Feel free to add your own piece of interpretation to it too.

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