Ballgowns and Galas - Neymar Jr x reader

Neymar Jr x female!reader

Requested? Yes/No: i would absolutely love a ney imagine where he and the reader (perhaps an actress or a singer) used to date during his early fame. they truly loved each other, but broke up eventually due to certain issues. as the years go by, they both date other people to get over the horrible breakup (all attempts ended up failing, they're still pining over each other 💀) so flash forward after a few years, ney and reader happen to meet at a gala / party bcs they were both invited. imagine the TENSION between them.. like "oh okay you're there and i'm here and this is all really happening"- that ended up really long </3 ILY AUTHOR your works truly have mesmerized ♡

Warnings: Fluff, some angst, implied smut

Word Count: 4.4K

AN: Sorry I’ve been gone for so long my loves, I’m back with all the fics you could ever want to request <3

—

Neymar was the ex-boyfriend you knew would never leave your mind. The two of you had dated when he quickly rose to fame but things, unfortunately, fell apart. Your career started to take off, you’d been contacted by major film directors and before you knew it you were in a different country every week with a camera in your face. No matter how much either of you tried to move on from one another it was always unsuccessful. Being an actress you were always swarmed by dating rumours, whether it was a co-star or just your assistant and Neymar kept track of every single one of them. 

Since the two of you split you two hadn’t spoken to one another and you hadn’t gone to any of his games. You used to turn up every week, whether he was playing for his country or his club but now the seat you once sat on was cold and it had been for many years. Although that wasn’t to say you didn’t care about him. You would still keep up with his matches, silently cheering for him every single minute. Your heart broke whenever he was injured or when he lost a match that clearly meant the world to him but you hid your feelings, the two of you were on different paths now. 

Little did you know Neymar was the same. He let as many girls as he could fling themselves towards him in an attempt to get over you but he was always unsuccessful. Sure he’d had a few relationships which had been very public but they never lasted, his head always drifted off to you no matter how much he tried to forget. Much like you with his football he always made an effort to watch what you were starring in, whether it was a period drama or a heartfelt rom-com. He would always wake up in the early hours of the morning to watch any award show you were featured on and although it killed him to see you smile without him he also knew he’d rather you be happy without him than you be upset whilst you were beside him. 

You’ve been in the news a lot recently due to your new project. Top Gun: Maverick was taking the world by storm, especially tiktok so it was no wonder why you and your co-stars were invited to attend. You were staring alongside Miles Teller and not to mention Tom Cruise, both men constantly praising your performance which landed you several calls from big Hollywood directors. 

“Excited for tonight?” Your hair stylist, Nat asked as she began her magic on her head. “A few people of interest are going tonight…” She smirked at your reflection in the mirror before her. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You looked up from your phone, your eyes meeting her curious ones. 

“Well, there are some good-looking guys there… Harry Styles… Micheal B Jordan…. maybe if you get with one of them tonight you’ll finally stop crying over your ex.”

“ I don’t cry over Neymar!” You whipped your head around to give her a glare. “We split apart years ago.”

“And yet you too still make the headlines alongside one another.” She turned your head back to the mirror. “Maybe it’s a sign.”

“A sign for what?”

“To get back together.”

“A second ago you were telling me to fuck another man to get over him even though I am over him, it’s been years.” You lied and she knew it. Your heart would always stay with him no matter how many years went by.

She shrugged, the smirk on her lips still planted on her face. “The world works in mysterious ways y/n.” Rolling your eyes at her you went back to your phone, texting your co-stars who were attending the gala with you. 

The charity gala always brought in those who always hit the headlines, whether they were from the world of sports, fashion, music or film, or anyone you could think of. The event consisted of celebrities wearing their most expressive clothes whilst they paraded around a red carpet for all the photographers to see. They’d make their way inside and gaze at all the charity items up for auction before sitting down for a meal. After the food the auction would begin before it eventually ended with most celebrities getting drunk and regretting the money, they’d spent. 

“You look beautiful…” Your stylist smiled as you smoothed down your y/f/c gown. The dress hugged your body like a glove, showing off every curve you had. Smiling at her compliment you kept your eyes on the outfit. 

“You have really outdone yourself with this.” You turned around to face her, your smile beaming brighter. “Thank you…”

“Anything for Hollywood's favourite star.” She mirrored your expression, walking over to you and giving you a few last-minute touch-ups before the car came to take you to the event. 

—

The flashing lights of the paparazzi blinded you the second you stepped out of the car and onto the red carpet, your name being called in every direction filled the air as you flashed a smile towards the cameras. Your head darted to the side to catch a glimpse of the other celebrities who were walking off towards the exhibition. 

After posing for a few more photos you started to make your way down the carpet when a sudden loud noise grabbed your attention. Loud screams grabbed your attention as all the photographers suddenly turned their attention to the person who was leaving the car. The sudden commotion also caught your attention but unlike everyone else, you weren’t screaming for joy at who had left the car. Within seconds, you were making eye contact with your ex-boyfriend for the first time in years.

Of course, Neymar was here.

Your heart was in your throat at the sight of him. 

You hadn’t seen him in person since the day the two of you parted but there he was, standing right before you, his eyes burning into yours. You ripped your attention away from him, knowing that even that small yet longing glance would cause headlines and a surge of attention onto the two of you online. Your eyes searched for an escape and you found one in an interviewer. Her name was Madaline, and she always attended premiers and a few other galas you’d been invited to so a familiar face was all that you needed to put some distance between you both. 

“Madaline, hey!” You called to her whilst she checked her phone, the copper-haired girl looked up at you, a smile bright on her face as she caught your gaze.

“Y/n! Oh my God, you look stunning!” The pair of you embraced as if you were old-school friends. “You up for an interview?” 

“Of course!” Returning the smile your eyes darted over to Neymar who was now posing for photos before looking back at her as she handed you a microphone.

“Ready?” 

“Yes.” You took a deep breath, pushing Neymar to the back of your mind before focusing on the questions at hand. 

“Your dress is absolutely stunning, who designed it?” 

“Everything was made by the genius that is Vivienne Westwood.” You smiled, looking down at y/f/c dress which sparkled in the light. “Even the jewellery.” You gestured to the diamonds hanging from your neck. 

“It’s beautiful. And I see you have a small charm on your bracelet.” She pointed to the band around your wrist which had a small diamond plane hanging from the metal. The charm was a small added touch from Westwood representing one of the biggest films you’d been in this year. 

“Oh yes,” You held it up for her to see. “It was another one of Westwoods touches.”

“Does it come with a mini Tom Cruise inside of it?” She asked, a light laugh escaping her lips. You followed her laughter before letting your hand fall to your side. 

“If only it did.”

“I do have another question…” 

“Ask away.” 

“You and a certain co-star were getting rather close in Top gun… Miles Teller I believe it was.” 

Rumours had been flying all over the place when the two of you were filming despite the fact that he had a wife, a woman you’d met and grown rather close to during the many months of filming and even though you’d been seen with his wife many times in public and behind closed doors, fans still speculated that the pair of you had a fling going on. 

“I can assure you that nothing is happening between the two of us, he has a wife and -”

“Do you have someone?” Her brows arched yet she had a hesitant expression on her face, worrying that you’d snap at her invasive questions. 

“No, I do not.” 

“But are you looking?” She dared to ask more. 

“Love will come to me when it’s ready.” You replied, not wanting to talk too much especially as your ex was closing in on you. “And until then I’ll spend my evenings with a glass of wine and my cat.” 

The pair of you shared one last laugh before she bid you goodbye. This time you didn’t dare look back at him, your heart was pounding after those last questions, thankful she never touched on the subject of Neymar. You entered the large dimly light hall which was lined with numerous items which were to be bid off to you and other celebrities who were in attendance. 

Taking small elongated steps your eyes scanned every single item that was on display until your eyes fell on a large painting. The frame glistened as it kept the painted horse inside, allowing it to dance before your eyes yet never leave. The horse was rearing and with every blink, you could have sworn the animal grew in beauty. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” A smooth voice you knew all too well floated through the air. 

“Ney…” You looked over at him as he stood beside you, his head turning to meet yours. 

“How are you y/n?” 

“You never come to things like this, your father always hated the idea of you spending tons of money at events like this.” You took in his features, his hair was different, last time the two of you shared a glance with one another he looked as if he was joining a boy band. He’d cut it shorter and he’d grown a slight beard, making him look older, more mature than he was back then. “Did you know I’d be here?”

“As welcoming as always y/n.” He gave you a warm smile. 

“Sorry I umm… It’s just been a while.” You looked away, your eyes focusing back on the painting before you. 

“Several years.” Neymar raised his hand, guiding your chin back to face him. “Too long y/n…”

Your heart melted at his words, it was no secret that you hung up on him and had been since you split. No man or anyone for that matter would ever be able to numb the pain of the pair of you falling apart. The tension between you both was building by the second, both of you high on the feeling of the two of you being back in the same room. 

“How’s Jareth?” He referenced the cat he gave you just before the two of you split. Only the week before the gala you posted a photo of you and the black cat when he was a kitten vs now for his birthday. He was getting old but he was one of the few things you still had to remind you of Neymar. Ney had watched you fall in love with the film Labrythn, especially David Bowie’s character, hence your cat's name. He knew you had to have your own little Jareth in the form of a cat. Since then you got Jareth a few siblings, naming all of them after fictional characters and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Neymar knew all their names.

“You know I never stopped watching your games.” His eyes softened at your words as you paused. His hands still lingered on your chin. “Do you know how hard it was to watch you get that injury in the world cup? Ney you nearly ended up paralysed-”

He smiled at your worry, the pair of you split just a few weeks before the World Cup, at first he just pushed it to the back of his mind to focus on the football but everything changed when he had his injury. When he was in the hospital all he could think of was how you used to take care of him every time he had the slightest graze or a career-threatening injury. He would often look over to the spare chair next to his bed and imagine your tired face making sure he was okay, much like you had done all those years ago. It was that day he realised how much he really did miss you and what you had wasn’t just some childish relationship. 

Neymar let his hand fall as he took a step towards you, his gaze never dropping from yours. “Why did we fall apart y/n?”

You scrunched your brows at him. “You know why, we fell apart, both our careers went in opposite directions and we never came back together, you moved on-”

“So did you.” He jumped in, eyeing you up as he spoke. 

“You could say that.” Shrugging you turned back to the portrait of the horse. You and Neymar both knew deep down that the pair of you never got over one another, in fact, the way the two of you were eyeing one another you wouldn’t be surprised if you just ripped off one another's clothes there and then. “But then so did you.”

His eyes followed yours as he became fixated on the painting before you both. “To an extent… I got used to you not being around, I never got used to the rest.” 

“Like?” 

He smirked as he spoke. He leant down, his lips hovering above your ear. “I never got used to the feeling of another woman around me, I always just wanted you… I never got used to the feeling of another woman's lips on me… you know y/n I got used to your presence not being beside me but I never got used to never feeling you again… do you know how many of your films and shows I’d watch and see you kissing another man and beg God to let me take his place?” 

Chills ran down your spine at his words before you replied. “You know you could have just messaged me, you know I’d let you come back into my life… with time.” 

“Time?” He whispered, a small laugh escaping his lips as he spoke. “I wasted too much time being away from you.”

“You can’t blame me for that -”

“When did I ever blame you, my love?” Neymar leant down, planting a kiss on your cheek from behind stepped away, his eyes glancing over at the painting you were once eyeing before he turned away and headed towards the hall for the event that was due to take place. 

Your heart dropped at the sight of him leaving. His words implied he would come back but with Neymar, you can never really be sure. Your eyes wandered back to the painting you once had your heart set on but not your heart was set back on him. The spark you once thought had died down had been ignited once again. The headlines would be slashing yours and his name as much as they could after your little interaction, but would you really go back to him? 

—

“I didn’t know he was here…” Your assistant who happened to be your best friend asked as she sat down beside you at your designated table. Her eyes glanced over to his table a mere few meters from yours before she spoke again. “Did you?”

“Of course not.” You set your glass down. “I wouldn’t have turned up if I knew.” 

That was a lie and you knew it. 

“Have you spoken to him?” Her gaze remained fixed on you. 

“Briefly -”

“And?”

“It was just small talk.” You lied again, this time taking a sip of the drink in front of you. “We haven’t spoken since we split and that was years ago. Just small talk and nothing more.”

She knew not to press on, after years of questioning you about Neymar she always knew deep down that the pair of you clearly had a small flame of love burning for one another but with the break-up being as public as it was she just kept her mouth shut. 

You could feel his eyes burning into you, wanting nothing more than to meet his soft gaze you flickered over to see if he was still watching but to your avail a booming voice caught everyone’s attention. “Welcome back everybody!” The host of the event announced. “It’s nice to see some familiar faces and some new ones.” His grey eyes wandered around the room. “Now we have some beautiful things up for auction tonight and I’m not getting any younger so let’s start, shall we?” A round of cheers danced through the room as items started to be dragged out onto the stage for the room to bid on.

The night dragged on, you laughed with your friends as you drank and watched everyone bid on their favourite items. You really had no interest in any of them other than the painting of the black horse from earlier. Before Neymar interrupted you your mind was imagining it proudly standing on the wall by your stairs. You’d been needing a piece to make the house feel more put together and that horse would frame everything perfectly. 

Despite the number of glasses before him, Neymar was only getting drunk on the sound of your laughter. He’d give anything to hear you laugh at his jokes one last time. Sure he knew he was pinned up on you when the two of you broke up but he never knew he’d crave you this badly after one short encounter. He wanted to leave, hating the idea of you being so close to him but he simply couldn’t have you, not yet anyway. His eyes shot up to the stage where he saw the large horse painting you were clearly in love with. He sparked up an idea… You’d either hate him for this idea or you’d love him for it but he was willing to take that chance. 

“And now… our final item is this beautiful hand-painted portrait of one of the world’s most stunning creatures. The bid will start at one thousand -” Before the man could even finish his sentence Neymar held his auction number in the air, giving a small nod to the man.

“I have one thousand do I hear two thousand?” 

Narrowing your eyes at your ex-boyfriend you held your own number up. He turned his head slightly, a smirk on his lips as he met the gaze of the man and held his own number up again. 

You knew what game he was playing and you weren’t going to let him win. 

The two of you went back and forth with each other, the pair of you never sharing a single thought about the amount of money you were spending on a simple painting but hey it was for charity so that doesn’t matter, right? 

“Oh come on y/n, you can’t bid that amount of money, it’s too much for that.” y/b/f complained, huffing in her seat at yours and Neymar’s childish antics. 

“He knows what he’s doing, he wants to get one more thing over me before the two of you actually call it quits.”

“So you’re telling me there’s still something there?” 

“y/b/f -” 

“Sold to the gentleman in black!” The announcer spoke, catching your attention. Whilst you and y/b/f had been arguing you’d forgotten to put your number up one last time meaning Neymar won the painting, it was all his. 

“Fucking prick.” You spat under your breath. The sudden lust you’d had now turned into loathing. He knew how much you wanted that painting and yet he still wouldn’t let you win, not even one last time. You finished up your drinks and left, wanting nothing more than to be with your cats, even if Neymar was responsible for buying the first one but unbeknown to you he had a plan, one that meant this wouldn’t be the last time he’d be seeing you. 

— 

A week had passed and there was no Neymar in sight unless you count the ongoing headlines about you both but that was something you refused to engage in. When you found yourself alone in bed you often wondered to his contact in your phone, debating if you should send him an angry text about him stealing the painting which clearly had your name written all over it but that would only feed into his ego. 

Currently, you were laying across your sofa, Jareth slowly falling into sleep on your chest as you read through your new script and let your hand smooth down his black fur. The small echo from the tv was the only noise in your house until the doorbell made poor Jareth jump in his spot. The elder cat let out a cry of a meow at the noise. Setting the script down you scooped the cat up and held him against your chest and crook of your neck, cooing at him as you opened the door. 

“It’s alright old man.” You kissed his head. “Probably just Jannet ordering some packages and isn’t in to collect them.” You referred to your neighbour as you met the eyes of a man you knew all too well. Neymar stood outside, a worried expression on his face which he tried to cover up with confidence. 

“y/n…”

“What do you want? And how do you know where I live?” Your brows furrowed at the sight of him. 

“y/b/f isn’t good at hiding secrets, you really need a better assistant.” 

“She does fine thank you.” Your words were filled with venom as you spoke. 

“You look, good old man.” He now turned his attention to the cat, a smile on his lips as he watched a familiar sight. “He looks good for his age.” 

“Because I take care of him.” Arching your brows at his words you leant against your doorframe. “Why are you here?” 

His smile dropped slightly at your words but his confidence attempted to shine through his demeanour. “I wanted to give you something.” He reached to the side and pulled out a large wrapped item from behind your wall. “I’m sorry -”

“For?”

“Everything. I fucked up. The pressure from this stupid sport should have never led me to losing you.” 

“And you think a wrapped gift is going to fix all of that?”

“No, but I hope it’s a start. I’ll fix this if you’ll work with me. We both know there’s something still there.” Your eyes met his hopeful ones. He had a point and if the two of you took things slowly and built on what you used to have you knew you could fall back into his arms, probably a lot faster than you wanted to admit. 

“Come in.” You held the door open wider for him, allowing him to drag the gift which was bigger than him through into your front room before closing the door. You placed Jareth on the counter before turning to watch Neymar place the gift on the floor, his eyes longing on yours as he rose and made his way over to you. 

“Please just open it.” 

You gave him a silent reply before shifting your body towards the gift. Neymar took his place where you once stood, next to Jareth whilst you kneeled down and slowly pulled the paper back to reveal the gift. All your anger filtered away when you were met with the eyes of the horse painting you once fell in love with at the gala. You started to connect the dots, he’d won that bid just as a way to see you again and make amends. Looking up your heart melted even further when you saw what he was doing.

When Jareth was a kitten Neymar used to cuddle him like he was a baby and rock him around like he was your child. Jareth used to always snuggle his head into Neymar’s side when he carried him like that and just like old times you watched as Jareth cuddled into Neymars side as he cooed him like a baby. 

“Ney…” 

“I’m sorry I made you feel like shit at the gala but I had to win it because I needed to see you again.”

“You know you could have just messaged me and asked to see me.” You stepped over the painting and walked towards him. 

“Not as romantic though, is it?” He smiled. “I know it’s been years but I want to try again. I never stopped loving you y/n, no matter who I was with I just wanted you. I still do. I know it’ll take time but I’m willing to wait a lifetime if it means I can spend even just a night with you.” 

“You always had a way with words Ney.” You leant up and kissed his cheek, your heart swelling at the sight of him and Jareth. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” His eyes were fueled with hope. 

“We get another cat.”

“I’ll buy you a whole island full of cats if it means you’ll give what we had a second chance.”

Clone High S2 thoughts

Discussion/spoilers (if you can spoil a situational comedy lol) under the cut

I first watched the original Clone High when I was in high school, so it’s a little wild to be watching and getting really invested in season 2 15 years later. It’s something I probably never even considered at the time.

I rewatched the first season recently as well, so I would have some context for going into the second season after so long. And the first season is still reliably so funny, so sharp and biting in its commentary. I feel like there is not a single joke that doesn’t still land today. The characters are so hyperbolic and chaotic that every scene is fresh and you never know what to expect from the plot. The geometry of the character design and the backdrops are simple but so effective and stylish, too. Season 1 really is just a good comedy you can watch again and again, and every character contributes to the laughs and momentum of the episodes. Gandhi is especially missed, and I think you can really feel his absence in Season 2 ),:

Okay, so Season 2. I’m gonna be upfront, I don’t think it is written very well. It feels very much like a fan facsimile of the original biting humor. I think I only laughed at a handful of jokes over the course of the entire season, which was definitely disappointing. It falls into the trap that so many reboot adult cartoons fall into in that it devotes so much of its time to rehashing cancel culture and social media as buzzwords, but not actually saying anything interesting or meaningful about them. The show no longer pulls from teen media tropes and contemporary television drams to inform its over-the-top “melancholy adolescent” humor. It feels like the extent of what they brought to the table was “Tiktok exists, isn’t that funny” and “you can’t be problematic!!!!” humor, but without really exploring the ludicrousness and the discourse cycle of the modern internet. It very much feels like the writers didn’t know the topics firsthand, but still wanted to comment on them in a shallow and cursory way. 

Let’s look at the new characters they added. Frida has an incredible design and conceptually I adore her. A mellow artist that skateboards and is hugely gay? All right, I love that. I wish there was a little more to her, though. I wanted to see more of the hyperbolic personality traits that each original character had in season 1. Make her outlandish, make her weirder with regards to her art, I don’t know, you could have gone in so many directions. I just wanted to see MORE.

 And this is an issue I have with all of the new characters and even to some extent the returning characters. I feel like Joan especially lost her weirdness and her edge in the reboot, with only the end scene of her freaking out and sabotaging her friends being something fun and true to her vindictive streak that she had in the original season. Confucius feels like he adds nothing to the plot other than to inform JFK and the audience that the internet exists. He should have been a bombastically internet-addicted clout goblin, constantly cutting content, and as he is now, he’s just falling extremely flat. I wanted the writers to crank the dial to 11 with Harriet and really explore her fear of being incredibly basic, like maybe she has Live Laugh Love text art in her room or her favorite tv show is the Office, idk, but as is she just seems like a Normal, Nice Person. Which is Fine, but it doesn’t make for great comedy. 

Topher is the only character I feel really channels the chaotic core of the original Clone High season, and he’s not even there for many scenes. I love the idea of a manipulative little mentally ill Redditor whelp. It’s relatable, it works well in commenting on modern internet culture, it’s freaky, I like it. I’m surprised they didn’t have Confucius and Topher interacting more because they both are chronically online and I feel like there is so much potential there.

I guess my takeaway opinion is that I’d like to see them amp up the personality of each of the characters by like 200%. And it’s a little late for this now, but I wish they’d have done more of a slow burn on Cleo and Frida’s relationship. It would’ve been cool to see Cleo contending with the fact that she wasn’t the most popular girl in school anymore and what kind of schism that would have created between her and Frida initially. More of an enemies to lovers dynamic would have been fun. 

So those are my thoughts. I could have gone on longer, but... I think this is already getting too long haha. I think I feel so opinionated on it because I can really see the latent stellar potential in the characters, and with a few exceptions, they all feel so underutilized in this season. 

Looking forward to season 3+ to see what they do next, though! 

THEH RELEASED A TEASWR FOR THE NEW PJO SERIES!!!! IM THROWING UPPPO I LOVE ITTTTT

alright I’m calm now (lie)

So when you first sent this many months ago, I didn't know there was a trailer so I only found out through your ask. I was so, so incredibly excited when I watched it I didn't know how to put that excitement into words and thus couldn't get to your ask right away. Then I kept forgetting, and then forgetfulness turned into embarrassment because how could I answer this ask after leaving it for so long? In light of Rick Riordan's recent statement on the Palestinian genocide, however, I think there's no better time to get back to this ask than now. Do forgive me for using your dust-laden ask as a chance to vent out my frustration.

PJO was a huge part of my childhood; it was my introduction to fandom life as I set up my tumblr back in 2015 and followed any cool PJO blog I could find while also making my own shitposts. All of my first online friends were people I found through PJO, some of whom I'm still friends with to this day. Even as I started losing interest and distanced myself from the fandom, I still found myself seeking out PJO/PJO-inspired rp blogs to join because that's how much I loved the world of demigods.

So you can imagine how excited I was to hear that there's a more faithful adaptation of the series, one that Riordan himself approved of (unlike the-movie-that-shall-not-be-named). You can also imagine how Rick has very much fallen from my eyes, as has anyone who still puts him up on a pedestal and chooses to support him, after his statement.

When you don't know enough about something, the reasonable thing to do is A. educate yourself before speaking out on it, or B. literally just shut up. I find it very ironic how Rick made sure to establish at the very start of his statement that he's just too busy for social media, so busy he does not "read posts, reply to posts, or share [his] thoughts about world events," but I guess he still finds himself qualified to step up and preach about what's happening in Palestine. Palestinian journalists have lost their lives documenting Israel's atrocities (before and after October 7); families can no longer grieve in peace because they have to hold up their dead children before cameras in hopes that people will think we deserve basic human rights; after everything everyone has done to amplify their voices, I do not know he could come up with a take this bad. Maybe if Rick took a nice proper scroll through social media before taking on the moral high ground, he'd be singing a different tune.

He claims that fanmail was his window to both sides of the conflict but it's hard to believe he's been receiving mail from many Palestinian and Israeli children in the past 18 years when his contact information from as far back as 2011 mentions that his writing schedule had gotten too intense to keep up with fanmail, and his most recent contact information page says he's straight up not accepting fanmail anymore, physical or otherwise (I assume that was back in 2019-2020 since he mentioned remote work and safety measure related to the pandemic, but I could be wrong). Call me cynical but it's hard to take seriously his implication that children of both sides have come to him about losing family members to violence and waking up to the sound of gunshots and bombs when I've had to watch Israeli settlers take to tiktok along with their kids to make a mockery out of Palestinian suffering and flex having the basic resources Palestinians have no access to, while every video update filmed by Palestinians is backed by the sound of military surveillance drones hovering over their heads night and day. Israeli settlers get to make cutesy tiktoks about looking for gluten-free flour while Palestinian kids are digging for their toys under the rubble of their homes and gathering in hundreds and thousands to beg for a few spoonfuls of soup. The only bread they could bake is from the fire fed by debris from the wreckage of their homes. Yeah, both sides sure are suffering the same hell :((

"If there are two sides to this issue, those sides are not Palestinian/Israeli or Muslim/Jewish. The two sides are humanitarian and dehumanizing." Actually, there are two sides to this and they're "genocidal illegal ethnostate" and "native people who were minding their business in their own land, welcomed survivors of the Holocaust with open arms, only to find themselves getting pushed out of their homes for the coming century." Not choosing a side (or preaching about how you're on the side of humanitarianism) puts you on the side of oppressor, period.

"It is easy to point to atrocities committed by our enemies, while justifying or minimizing the atrocities committed by ourselves or our allies." Boy you're outta your mind if you think anything committed by Palestinian resistance is in any way, shape, or form equitable to Israel's crimes in the past 75 years. It's hilarious how he can admit that what Israel is committing is genocide but goes on to say that Israel deserves "security and support," but I guess Hamas isn't deserving of the same sentiment when it retaliates to 75 years of terrorism and ethnic cleansing. The best Palestinians deserve is "international aid," not like the very Israel you support has been blocking off any aid people have been trying to get into Palestine.

"If violence could end violence, if we could put an end to 'those other people' once and for all, human history would read very differently than it does," has the same energy as going bUt mArTiN LuThEr KiNg Jr BeLiEvEd iN nOnViOLeNcE while actively ignoring that he did end up getting assassinated at the end of the day, and also the fact that his message of nonviolence has gotten distorted over the years to villainize those who resist in a way that disturbs white peace a lil too much.

Never mind the fact that peaceful resistance has never paid off against Israel. Never mind the fact that Israel has been using "Hamas hides behind civilians!!!" excuse to blow up hospitals, schools, refugee camps, and homes when in reality they don't know jackshit about where Hamas is, and every claim at knowing the location of their bases turned out to be a ridiculously stupid lie. Never mind the fact that Israel has admitted to killing its own people because "they kinda looked like Palestinian civilians ig lol" and they're just too trigger-happy. Does that sound like a "country" that gives a horse's ass about peace to you?

And just like that, he goes back to promoting his book and talking about his trip in the same blog post, like talking about Palestine/Israel is a chore he checks off his list to make sure we all know what a good guy he is.

So yeah, I am sad that I won't be able to enjoy a show I was so looking forward to (and it does look really good), but I am a Muslim Palestinian before I am a fan, and we're all human at the end of the day. You have to be a special kind of ignorant (or racist, or straight-up heartless) to see what we've already seen and still preach about "peace (and a two-state solution teehee)<33" being the only acceptable solution.

Maybe it's because I don't have as many PJO mutuals as I did back in late 2010s, but I haven't really seen many people speak out about this on tumblr which is why I think it's still worth talking about even when this isn't the type of post I'd normally write. Please boycott the show (or like do me a favor and block me/don't put that shit on my dash if we're mutuals). I've always admired Riordan as a kid so the least he could do is pull his head out of the ground and take a proper good look at what's actually happening in the world.

There's this trend going around on TikTok that has people going drawing their OCs meeting themselves and the reactions they'd have if they had to confront their OCs and how they think their OCs would react to meeting to them

And I had the thought (as I've had before) that if I were just someone's silly little OC and all that I've gone through currently is just part of my tragic little backstory, I don't think I'd care all that much, because at least then there's a reason for all the shit that I've gone through right?

Like, every single character I've created has had a piece of me in it, and those characters, no matter what I've put them through, have brought me comfort in some way shape or form, and if I'm doing that to someone else? Sure, why the hell not, at least my backstory is there to cheer someone else up, and if whoever made me is able to share their story about me to someone else, then who knows, maybe I have my own small chunk of the fandom that cares about me because they see themselves in me, and what more could I possibly hope for at that point?

AND THEN I start thinking about how my mom has been trying to get me to get more into religion recently, because it wasn't really something I grew up with, and she wants us to have a connection to God with a capital G and everything, and has us watch YouTube videos of some preacher's? pastor's? - I don't know the difference - sermons every Sunday morning

And I... Strongly disagree with what this guy has to say about religion and Christianity, and embracing suffering because God has a plan for every one of us and how He is going to shape us into the person we need to be and how we should be grateful for this and how much I rebelled against the idea that we should be grateful to some unknown all seeing all powerful entity that has the ability to snap and make everything better and actively chooses not to

But then this trend came around and I started getting existential and I had no problem being the OC of some unknown creator out there that wants to tell a silly little story

So my brain's out here connecting the dots and I'm thinking "How is that any different than having a god that's all knowing and all powerful (someone that has OCs) and actively chooses to make them suffer (giving their OCs a plot) for the sake of making them better (character development and complexity)"

And now I'm sitting here like "... Huh, okay that's a fair point, I see what you mean"

I can't exactly sum it up in writing without being massively confusing but like-

TLDR:

OC = Me

Some guy that makes OCs and wants to give them a cool character arc = God

Tragic character backstory = Past Trauma

The plot = Current/Future Struggles

Happily Ever After = No longer struggling or perhaps some version of heaven??

Anyways, I feel that this explaination of religion also makes more sense in answering the question of free will vs fate but that would require a whole other post that my brain is too tired to write about right now but if people are interested I will certainly elaborate

just felt like sharing some of my thoughts on recent topics:

- i think nj’s album is objectively decent. if anything my biggest critique is that, similar to indigo, he insists on singing and anyone else that jumps on the record eats him up. i really did like the production and after tuning him out a little i really enjoyed the vibe. i actually think its a lot more refined and grounded than indigo despite being a mess thematically/lyrically but i actually think that thats what he was going for lol, a sort of “emotional clusterfuck”.

as for army’s reception, i think he’s def trying to build his own audience and he’s aware that takes time. he went in a totally different direction than his previous release yet its still very him. armys might not be the target audience but its better for him to build a small but loyal base that will continue to tune in for his solo stuff rather than just expecting armys to like everything every member puts out.

its rich for other kpop stans to drag him when despite doing what he’s done he’s still more successful than most korean artists, so its funny for me to see people think they can drag him for not getting streams in korea which if im not mistaken have the lowest residuals for streams and are the flakiest audience (but maybe thats just me being petty lol)

- nwjns new song not doing that hot on global spotify doesn’t surprise me. they are an aesthetic-leaning group, yes their songs are cute but its because of the aesthetic theyre accompanied with that they feel so grand and trendy every time. the aesthetic for how sweet is minimal and kinda getting old so people dont seem to be buying into that so far (outside of sk) but im sure that as soon as there’s a cute tiktok trend to go with it they’ll end up biting. the song is cute, but i have to admit this trend of “flat”singing is tiring me. open up those vocal chords and SING dammit.

- random, but i wonder if supernova by aespa doing that well is some sort of reaction to the whole mhj-bpd drama. imo drama was a million times better and didn’t do as well as it shouldve

- idk if im over my fixation, but nothing thats come out of the kpop industry this year has been genuinely interesting or exciting. i mostly just tune into female artists and a handful of soloists. there’s been some cute concepts here and there but the music is just meh.

“i really did like the production and after tuning him out a little i really enjoyed the vibe.”

Im sorry this is taking me out. Tuning out the very person whose album you’re listening to is crazy 😭 but I kinda get it lmao.

After watching that minimoni special this morning and how he described rpwp basically as a rant, an “emotional clusterfuck” is aptly named tbh. It’s gonna be really hard for him to get a solid solo fanbase because he doesn’t have personal reach or appeal beyond the armys that already know him and his music and the music he’s been dropping isn’t really attention grabbing either. Like I’m sure there’s people who are out there that know he’s a good rapper and can respect him for that, but it’s still not enough to make them stan him and that’s where the problem will lie for him.

Njws (or mhj) are following a theme that doesn’t allow themselves or their music to evolve, because beyond the different outfits and hairstyles everything is starting to feel repetitive. Real one trick pony-ish cause it seems like this is all mhj knows how to do. Like you already know what to expect from them and I find artists who just stick to one sound kinda boring (though I have my exceptions). I see what you’re saying about the “flat” singing lol but imo not everyone has to like sing sing if you get me? I’m not just talking about belting but just typical singing. Even though it would be a nice switch up from them I feel like they’ve just made that they’re brand.

I actually just listened to supernova after I drafted this and ended up really liking it. It’s a cool song. I listened to drama too, not bad either. It’s a possibility that the whole mhj/bang debacle might’ve had a positive impact for aespa, but sometimes the k gp just likes what they like and blows it up. I know they loved queen card by g-idle but I still do not like that song at all.

I’m a casual listener of a handful a groups and I’ll check out their releases when they drop. Any other song I listen to apart from them is just because I wanted to see what the fuss was about but all in all everything is just so typical. I’ve had releases I’ve enjoyed but everything still has that standard kpop sound to it so I agree nothing has really been exciting.

Hi!! I hope you’re well! I’ve been reading some of your posts about Louis’ current image and your thoughts about how his promo strategy is going for fitf (re bbg, partying, and chav antics) and I really resonate with a lot of what you say.

It feels like Louis’ image, maybe not him as a person, is regressing fast, both in maturity/complexity and honesty. It makes me sad because I KNOW that Louis has grown so much personally over these past few years, but for whatever reason it’s become clear that he does not want to let that aspect of his character come through in these interviews. I think it’s in part that the people interviewing him ask the same stale throw-away questions and also that he and his team have taken big strides in accumulating younger, less mature fans (like starting a TikTok account for one thing). I want to hear about what books he enjoys reading and what he does to find peace of mind when he’s not in public, not hear about the Red Solo Cup game or regurgitated points about how much he loves us or how someone threw a chicken nugget at him. But at the same time as pursuing this young fanbase, you’re making a trade-off for the people who have grown with you and have an adult outlook on life and art. I feel like one day he’ll regret these pr decisions.

Anyways what prompted this whole thing was that I was watching a clip from 2013/14 today, it was of him discussing that One Direction fandom documentary that came out and how people generalize fans etc, it’s a pretty popular clip. The point is he went so deep into a pretty complex and nuanced topic, and spoke so eloquently about it too. Very different tone and depth than what we are getting these days. I just wish we got to see that more in recent times and that he let some of that side of him shine more.

Also sorry for any typos in here!!!

Hi sugar. I don’t know if they’re aiming for young fans so much as a broader fan base. He can’t continue to only rely on his existing fans and he has to expand his reach. TikTok is such a force in creating music trends and viral moments. Even though Louis surely hates TikTok, I’m sure he sees the need for it. But otherwise, yeah. Quips about chicken nuggets are cute, but he’s got so much more going on in that head of his.

I just had some bitter Betty ranting in my inbox about how Louis talks about this stuff because fans like it and it gets more engagement than him talking about his inspirations etc. which… okay? Again, this is marketing. It’s about creating an image they think will sell. Every artist does it. It doesn’t mean everyone is going to connect to it. But he/his team are leaning into these aspects of his personality and interests because they likely feel it’s helpful for someone breaking out of a boyband background and moving into the indie/rock/pop punk scene.

I truly don’t get the anger people have about me not caring for it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's been a while since I started to frequent Panini Manga MX's fb and twitter account, and I can finally say that I got my pace of muting content from them that I don't particularly care for (which is basically animanga youtubers/tiktokers and other stuff that kinda makes me cringe, lol) in twt.

Tbh I have been way out of date in getting to know which series they have been releasing or licensing and since I started to get into my manga buying habit again since past April, well. I cannot say the same for other publishers, tbh... and I think they are the ones that carry more variety of JPN publishers these days? but that's still pretty minimal in comparison to what the US does these days, but... you know... I don't think our economy can sustain much of that (still a big difference when it was the mid 2000s, however), so... well.

Sometime around the late 2010s Panini (or their social media managers, tbh) realized that there were TOO many people asking for x or y titles on their posts so, to avoid the traffic of those suggestions on posts that CLEARLY are not about that, they started to do suggestion posts, once per week, in their social media accounts.

I am definitely not sure if they TRULY 100% pay attention to them... maybe they do, who knows... at least they aren't shooting them down like certain others in public asks of tumblr circa early-to-mid 2010s... (and I mean, I did see a couple of series being shot down due to reasons... but never in a condescent manner of "you are already reading this on pirate websites, and I'm SURE you aren't going to buy these no matter what").

I'm not sure... point is, I do see suggestions that range from "anime adaptation is actually airing this season/available in streaming for a while", "other series by already published authors in Spanish", "license rescue" and so and so. I don't have to bet that some of those are "already reading these but I want to own them, too" suggestions, too. Sometimes it's a little obvious given the culture we live in, lol.

I dunno.

However, I do have a wish list of stuff that I REALLY, REALLY want to have on my hands and some of these, I have already suggested in their twt account :)

Week One

Principal, Ikuemi Ryo

Look, from the stuff that I have read of Ikuemi... I love it. Some are a little weird, ngl, and tend to have a somewhat "dark" tone in them so, if I had a more introductory series that might not scare someone because "old" (because Ikuemi's first works are from the late 70s or very-early 80s)... I would put more "newer" stuff like Principal or her more "adult" series. Also, Principal is not exactly "too" typical school life romance, and the cast is loveable to a certain degree. (Also the covers. I want to see how the publisher's graphic design team adapts these into Spanish?)

Cousin, Ikuemi Ryo

ORRRRR... there's Cousin. I think this was Ikuemi's only licensed series in the States, until the publisher went kaput, and I think the series is interesting on its own (and short!) about body image issues, some family trauma and a little too taboo-ish "romance" of sorts. It's complicated, just like every other Ikuemi series, I guess. So, I think of either this or Principal, lol (better be both) as introductory series of hers.

Dame na Watashi ni Koi Shite Kudasai, Nakahara Aya

Lovely Complex has already been concluded for a little while, and somehow... somehow, that gives them the perfect excuse to publish DameKoi, which is basically the other "famous" Nakahara series. It's a fun series, from the little I have read, lol. The characters are silly and all that. It would be fun to read it all through, that's what I'm saying. More adult comedy romance series like Wotakoi, please, lol.

Honey and Clover, Umino Chica

I haven't gotten the opportunity to read or watch this series... and somehow I THINK March Comes in Like a Lion could have a better chance (as it more known, more recent, still being published? but I say, test the waters with Umino's previous work (especially more if you want to enjoy the characters' cameos in a latter part of 3gatsu?). I know this is also licensed in English, but the physical version is out of print these days and I am not going to spend THAT much money on them.

Minegishi-san wa Outsu-kun ni Tabesasetai (also known as Manly Appetites), by Mito

...Yeah.... I know this is licensed in English right now, too? And I could potentially get it this way... but I don't want to basically spend the double of what it may cost in Spanish? You get where I come from with this, right ;A;? (says the one that has basically spent a lot in manga in one month alone, but that's because series are now costing what an imported volume from Spain or the US might have cost me 10 years ago) I recently started to buy BL series that caught my attention, and to be honest, I just... this one is definitely under my radar of tastes, lol. I also want variety in the leads' bodies, because I do like chubby/fat guys and food, lol (and truly, I wish shoujo/josei and other romance series had diversity bodies in their leads, tbh).

I'm going to make these posts some kind of series because I don't have time to explain on Twitter WHY I want these to get licensed in physical in my country, lol. They say the sky is the limit, but I try to pick out 4-5 series each week, and sometimes I just feel like repeating my suggestions because they get drowned by other popular series (like, sure, I might want to get Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun in Spanish, too... heck, as much as I suffer with Karekano... a license rescue is also valid for those that were younger and didn't get the opportunity to collect the Vid edition from over 15 years ago, I want to get Maison Ikkoku, too? and so and so...). I also want to throw a few manhwa/webtoon suggestions here and there that, afaik, have physical versions because the missed opportunity of this market too (I think Tower of God is the only one getting published in Spanish?).

But... I sometimes feel this IS silly. It feels like screaming into a void. And there's a lot that I could suggest, just because I read something, I was moved by it... and my god, I wish I could grab it anytime I could. I know plenty might be hard to be published for one reason or another... and sometimes I don't feel like collecting over a 30+ volume series either these days (Ranma being an exception... that's the hole I dug myself into and I didn't reach half of the series, either... been on hold up for a while until they do more reprints of oop volumes) especially for space in my room.

I'm still amazed in a way how this whole manga industry situation about licenses here has changed... essentially because I have been collecting manga series since the early 2000s when there was not many options than "comic book format" and "half a volume for 20 pesos" until they FINALLY gave into the "full tankoubon"-like format. There used to be some kind of monopoly before it also went kaput in 2009, a sub-publisher also went kaput because tbh I don't think they seemed to know how to manage comics and manga licenses (and physical distribution of them, too!) a few years ago... and now there's two big book publishers that are also trying their hand at this (although their physical distribution kinda sucks because book stores and not many of them carry them as a whole; especialized animanga/comic book stores MIGHT, though). We definitely don't have the same level of economy as, say the US or Spain, but, I suppose something is something.

Algorithms: YouTube vs. Tumblr vs. TikTok - A Vicious Rant

  Let me just say this; YouTube’s ability to detect what I want to watch is absolutely abysmal. Yes, all the videos on my page are related to videos I’ve recently watched. No, I don’t want to engage with any of the content.

  It’s all the same. YouTube’s been trying to feed me the same videos for about a week; it makes the video-pool look super tiny. And maybe it is? Is it?! I find it hard to believe that there are no new content creators or new content coming in.

  I know it doesn’t matter at all, but I’m so passionately dissatisfied. It’s like, maybe if they try to sell me on this one video today, they’ll finally get me—like a cold-call salesman. And honestly, sometimes I’ll watch their videos because it feels like there isn’t anything else to watch. I’ve reached the bottom of the internet.

  Except, I refuse to accept that this is true; YouTube is perhaps the biggest video platform alive (next to TikTok, and we’ll get to that). So, my complaints are of the following nature:

1. The Algorithm is too “tight”; the recommended videos are too narrow based on its analysis. So basically, if I search “Granny Smith Apples”, it feels like every video would need to meet the criteria  “Granny” + “Smith” + “Apples”. However, I’d probably be interested in other Apples. It feels like the algorithm never takes me there; it choke-holds me into a corner of what I already know. Which brings me to the next point...

2. The Algorithm does not introduce new topics or types of content. I feel like I’m living in a fucking bubble, and I hate it. I want to see videos from views and perspectives other than my own. I want to know what’s happening around the world, what other people are interested in. But my video-pool is so narrow that I feel like I can never escape my own tastes, and it’s just a jerk-circle-echo-chamber of things that I already believe in, and therefore, do not excite me.

My issue with the Tumblr Algorithm:

  Before we get started, let it be known that I fucking love Tumblr. I worship this platform; Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Twitter,... none of them hold a candle to Tumblr (which I could explain fully at another time). However, one of my few gripes with Tumblr is, surprise-surprise, its content algorithm.

  As a “newer” user (joining in the past month or so), I really want to discover new Tumblrs and content; I want to engage and explore the community. My “For You Page” is looking quite bare, and I found that even after refreshing, it just shows the same posts over and over again. The lack of access to new content has me put the app down; similar to YouTube, it feels like I’m always seeing the same things.

  I’ve tried following a wide range of tags, hunting down Tumblr pages through post-chains, and following a variety of interesting pages. But this process has enlightened me to a few things:

1. In order to find new content, I need to actively put in effort. But honestly, I don’t want to try. I want the algorithm to present a platter of treats it thinks I might like. And I don’t have to like all of them; I just don’t want to have to use Tumblr in the same way as Google Search. And that’s how it feels right now; like I have to actively find things to engage with. Not only does this present the issue of being “limited to what I already know”, but the barrier-to-exposure is too high for me to bother making the effort sometimes.

2. The refresh mechanism for recommended content isn’t strong enough. Yes, some posts cycle out, but it feels like about half the posts stay the same. But why are they there? I’ve seen them. Unlike YouTube (which could benefit from showing old content in case you’re in a better mind-state to watch certain videos), Tumblr content generally has a very low consumption time; you see it, you read it, you move on. Most posts don’t require extended engagement, and if Tumblr wants to make space for longer posts (like this god-awful rant) to get a second chance at engagement, then cycle out the short meme posts and only retain the essays. Or add a feature where people can save longer posts for later. I understand that adding any new feature or changes can be challenging; I’m just trying to create an ideal situation.

My thoughts and praises for the TikTok Algorithm:

  Before I get into this; I want to say that I respect each platform’s brand identity. I don’t want Instagram to become TikTok, and in the same sense I don’t want Tumblr to become anything other than what it is. With that said, I don’t think updating the Algorithm affects the essence of the platform; I’m not asking Tumblr (or YouTube) to change any of its features, I’m just asking it to let me use it better.

  In my experience, TikTok has achieved the best Algorithmic balance; I feel like I’m always stumbling across videos I like, or new videos about things that I didn’t know I was interested in. I feel like my knowledge and taste is expanding, and it truly does feel like a bottomless pit. I’m also always running into new content and creators that I love.

  I understand that part of TikTok’s success in this respect is due to the type of media and interface; short videos are easy to engage with, and disengaging undesired content (through a quick swipe) is so low-effort that you can pretty much forgive any bad recommendation. This aspect easily helps TikTok thrive in ways that static pages like YouTube and Tumblr could not.

  Is it the case, then, that Tumblr and YouTube are destined to fail based on the platform-design alone? I don’t think so. And I say this because, throughout my gripes, I have not mentioned the need to change any core features; all the tools are, largely, already there. I am engaging with content; I just feel like the type of content being provided is making me put down my phone/do something else.

 And honestly, maybe that’s a good thing? I’m not trying to advocate for people to have a consumption addiction. Maybe YouTube and Tumblr are surprisingly altruistic and free from the claws of capitalism; their need to ensure a healthy engagement balance completely trumps their desires for “big numbers” and “commercial success”. Maybe?

  I don’t fucking know.

  I just want to find blogs and posts that I like instead of having a late-night existential crisis.

✨ All fics are complete! ✨

He Loves Me Cause I’m Cute, He Thinks I’m Pretty Funny | 2588 words 📱

He watches it back one more time after it posts, checking for typos in his subtitles and captions, and has to laugh again.

Steve fucking Rogers? His brain thought he could pull Captain America, literal superhero and America’s favorite sweetheart?

“Hello I’m a 35 year old amputee living in New York and I think that I could get Steve Rogers.”

OR

the one where bucky posts a tiktok and steve is utterly smitten.

Summer Slipped Us Underneath Her Tongue | 10712 words 🧳

Bucky is a tour guide who enjoys sharing the rich history and culture of each city they pass through with a bunch of early-20's college students who just want to know the cheapest place to get drunk.

Except for Steve, who asks Bucky for a personal tour around his hometown.

The rest is, as they say, history.

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet | 3853 words 🧑🏼‍🍳

“I made soda bread.” Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.” The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”

Ollie Meets Bagel | 5517 words 🥯

He was a skater boy, Steve said let's get bagels, boy.

Steve wants to start doing this twenty-first century thing properly. He gets help in the form of skateboarding, skateboarders, bagels, and Sam Wilson.

Taxi | 5113 words 🚕

Bucky Barnes was, he hoped, a good taxi driver.

He's so good, he actually tries to return lost property that ends up left in his car and... well. It has some unexpected consequences involving a National Icon.

Enough said.

Leg Day | 12157 words 🏋️‍♂️

“So talk to him,” Sam says.

“I can’t,” Bucky groans. “I can’t, Sam, I. He just.” He fluffs his hair up and stares at Sam, distraught. “I want him to bench press me.”

“Okay, so it’s serious,” Sam interprets. “Got it."

(Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.)

Love In Aisle Four | 2127 words 🛍️

When Bucky needs to swing by the supermarket after a long, hard day of work, the last thing he expects is to meet a cute grocery clerk named Steve…

Coming Up Easy | 45515 words ✍🏻

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

Anywhere The Wind Blows | 8845 words 👨‍🚒🎖️

After a catastrophic fire that shakes him to his core, Steve Rogers quits his job as a Brooklyn firefighter and relocates to a cabin in the remote Canadian wilderness, wanting quiet and solitude and to maybe never have to speak to another human being ever again. He gets his wish, more or less, until a recently injured Bucky Barnes is discharged from the Army and rents the cabin next door.

The Safer Course | 7918 words | Part 1 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

When Steve moves to the suburbs in 2033, he intends to retire from superhero life.

He does not intend to fall in love with his pain-in-the-ass neighbor.

Every Year I Have You | 7064 words | Part 2 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

Steve set the bar pretty high, as birthday presents go.

Bucky is determined to outdo him when July 4th comes around.

Beneath The Mistletoe | 21203 words 🎄

Bucky had a bet with his sister that if he didn’t have a boyfriend to bring home for Christmas by the time he was 25, he had to give her $200 and go blonde for a year. But now he's 25, it’s nearing December, and not only is Bucky as single as ever, but he’s also running low on cash. He doesn’t exactly want to bleach his hair, either.

At least Steve is willing to upgrade their relationship from best friends to fake boyfriends.

The Settler | 52203 words 🍞

“What do you want to do?”

Steve pauses and looks at them.

What he wants is to stay with them. He doesn't have any family left, they all died before he even joined the war and became... this. Captain America turned whatever he is now. But Natasha and Sam have become his family over the years. Not just because they're on the run together, fugitives and vigilantes, but way before that too.

He doesn't want to leave that.

But he knows that, realistically, he can't stay with them and they can't stay with him.

So he looks at them with a smile and lies. “I don't know.”

OR; In which Steve retires and finally finds a place to call home.

You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory | 1148 words 🐈

"Alright, Bucky," Steve slows his steps, watches his neighbour stop at the bottom of the next flight of stairs. There's a canvas bag in his hand that Steve didn't notice earlier, cream coloured with the figure of a sleeping, black cat painted on it. "Have a good day."

He thinks Bucky's cheeks pink up a bit right then and there, but Steve can't tell. He's too distracted by his pounding, foolish heart, by the way Bucky smiles bashfully, and ducks his head. The way he seems like he wants to stay.

To Believe In Tomorrow | 3959 words 👨🏻‍🌾

Bucky's mornings at the community garden get a little more interesting when the new guy shows up.

Maybe This Christmas | 24873 words | Part 1 of Maybe ❄️

Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

-----

Hurrying was a bad idea. Bucky’s foot hits a patch of ice and slides out from under him in what would have been a comical cartoon banana-peel-like trip, if it wasn’t happening to him, and he braces himself to hit the ground. This is going to hurt.

“Fuck,” Bucky screeches, but as he lands on his back, it’s not the cold hard concrete he expected, but a solid mass beneath him. Oh god, Bucky thinks as he realises he smacked into the person behind him and took them down with him.

Maybe This Year (Will Be Better Than Last) | 133868 words | Part 2 of Maybe ❄️

Last year, Bucky Barnes met Steve Rogers. Well actually, he slipped and fell on him. What followed was the best Christmas either of them had ever had. But what happens when Christmas is over and life returns to normal? What happens after the Christmas miracle?

-----

Bucky should have known. He did know. When things seem too good to be true, they usually are. And Steve is the best thing that has happened to him in a long time, possibly ever, so of course it couldn’t last.

Maybe This Time (I Hope I Get The Chance To Say Goodbye) | 34561 words | Part 3 of Maybe ❄️

Steve and Bucky Barnes are happily married. They've made it through some hard times and come out stronger and happier, together. Then Steve gets called on to come out of retirement for the most important mission of his life and everything changes. Everything.

-----

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…” Steve starts singing along softly, and Bucky chuckles, before leaning his head onto Steve’s shoulder, always happy when he’s in Steve’s arms.

“From now on, our troubles will be miles away…” Bucky joins in.

Dancing round their living room, just as in love as ever, their troubles seem light-years away, if not non-existent.

Sadly, they’re closer than they think.

The Unexpected Gift | 9504 words | Part 1 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Steve Rogers is fine.

After ending a long-term relationship with Sam Wilson, Steve moves back to New York. He's tired and lonely but depressed? No. At least, that's what he thinks.

From the window of his apartment, he watches a dark-haired man and his service dog sitting in the park, wondering what his story is.

The Winter Storm | 2218 words | Part 2 of When Winter Comes 🐕

"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability you see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me."

After Bucky and Steve confessed their feelings for each other, life has its own twisted way to challenge the most profound love.

One January Night | 4213 words | Part 3 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Before going back to work, Steve Rogers still has things to learn: 1- Depression is a bitch and the battle against it isn't an easy one. 2- Dating a person with disabilities comes with its share of challenges.

Bucky Barnes Has His Shit Together (And Other Lies He Tells Himself) | 14159 words 🔒

You’d think a guy who owns one of the most successful bakeries in Brooklyn, has a million-dollar smile and that antiquated good ol’ boy charm, blond hair and blue eyes and biceps for days, would know what’s what.

But don’t let that fool you: Steve Rogers is a mess.

Obvious | 917 words ☕

"Oh, I have a prompt! So, it makes me laugh how painfully obvious Steve and Bucky's feelings are to everyone when they're in that pining, slowburn, does-he-doesn't-he phase. But imagine Steve and Bucky working in a coffee shop together and constantly bickering, nudging and playfully flirting with each other. And all the employees and patrons are so invested in their relationship and just want them to kiss already but no one realizes that Steve and Bucky have been married since they got out of HS."

All This Hassle, and What For?

Pairing | Loki Laufeyson x reader

Summary | getting taken hostage, along with Loki, is far more amusing than ever intended to be, despite it leaving your captors anything but impressed.

Warnings | kidnapping, mentions of depression, swearing, implied smut, innuendos

Based off this tiktok. All original rights to the plot go back to the creator.

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Opening your aching eyes, you found yourself to be in a large room, there were plenty of feet stood at your eye level, and such a sight made you frown. You certainly didn’t remember being knocked out, but who would, the exposure to unconsciousness was most likely sudden.

But nevertheless, you raised your head, glaring up at those whom had captured you. As your eyes scoured the room, your eyes landed promptly on the god of mischief, who had his hands bound and shackled in chains, and by Odin, did he look good.

However, your attraction the man who once reigned terror down upon New York wasn’t the focus now, and so you licked your lips, and kicked the nearest guard in the leg. He stumbled, the noise loud enough to draw the attention of all others, and you were pleased to stifle a laugh. Loki frowned at your behaviour, knowing that this was not the way that you were trained to be an avenger, but it was clear that you were no longer on earth, so human pleasantries did not apply here.

“And by the gods, who in the galactic council’s name do you think you are?” The closest asked, wrapping his large hand through your hair, and tugging your face up to stare up at him, wanting you to be treated as the lesser being he thought you as.

“Actually, he’s the god.” Tilting your head, you diverted it towards Loki, who squinted feebly at your answer. “But I think you already knew that, since you have him rattled in metal. Just a word of advice, rumour has it that he likes to be restrained in such ways; really, you’re doing him a favour, and you may just earn yourself a big tip.”

You sent a wink up at the commander, watching with inward joy as he grimaced at your development within your speech. “Quite a nice sight, to see him so vulnerable and at someone’s mercy, so thank you general.”

Sending him a smile, he huffed, whilst Loki tried his darnedest to contain an amused grin. It wouldn’t be the first occasion that you had made suggestions regarding the new troop of the avengers; even when he was around causing mischief, (which he still tended to do), there were always words said that gained the god’s intrigue.

Tony at the time, and to this day, despite him being a part of the heroic team, which Thor was ‘inclined’ to drag him into, thought nothing more than disgust at your meaningful jokes. In his words, ‘you two may as well screw so we don’t have to listen to anymore of this dirty banter, you in regards to reindeer games’.

How you wished right now, preached silently even, that Tony could bare to listen again, so that he could send in the team whom could deal with these aliens that were keeping your imprisoned. But all communications were cut, and that just left you and Loki.

By no means did you doubt if Loki got the chance to escape, he would leave you. It was in his nature to do so, but if you could pose a lack of threat, they may loosen up on their efficiency in guarding you. After all, Loki was the one they wanted, not you. And then, both of you could get away from this galactic nonsense.

“Humans.” The general huffed, causing you to grimace as the stench of his breath wafted through the air, and hit your nose. “You all think that you are so special, but when it comes down to it, those who are not from your planet do not care. Loki here, this god, does not care about you little one. And he never will.”

“That’s okay with me, because I don’t care about him either. It’d called self preservation.” You informed your captor, noticing Loki staring across at you with an icy gaze. Who were you kidding? Of course you cared about the god, but right now, you would do anything to get out of this predicament.

“Aw would you look at that.” The feet moved back towards the main reward of their capture, staring down at the green eyed trickster with mocking eyes. “This woman has attitude just like yours, if either of you cared, I’d call it a match made in Asgard.” A laugh bellowed from the wide chest of the being, finding his own comedy quite humorous.

“Excuse me, I’m way out of his league!” You pretended to be offended, bringing your hands that were free of restraint to your chest. They thought not to tie you down as they did to him, after all, you were nothing but a midguardian. That was their mistake. “What’d you want with old horse shagger over there anyways? Don’t be alarmed, but he actually does some kind of good now, even if it be out of his own self interest.”

A heavy sigh fell on deaf ears, as the protector of space glanced unsurely between the pair of you. “He has the tesseract, and I wish to take it from his slippery hands, he cannot be trusted with such a powerful source of energy.” His words bellowed a laugh of absolute surprise from your mouth, earning a frown from those keeping you hear, and a cock of the head from the god of mischief.

It was clear that not only was he confused by your supple, yet somewhat pleasant burst of amusement, but he was also in the dark about what in the Hela this predominant being was speaking of. Yes, he had had the tesseract at one point , however, no longer was it in his untrustworthy grasp.

Thanos had taken ownership over it, after killing many of the people that he had saved from the events of Ragnarok. It was not just some energy source, it had been an infinity stone all along, tricking the eyes of elders and the young to believe that it was nothing more than a harbouring of power. But it had indeed been the space stone, and it was taken from him, in exchange for saving Thor’s life.

The Guardians of the Galaxy had found the pair of them upon the aftermath of the wreckage, taking them in, amongst plans of taking Thanos down. It had been a failure, up until the avengers went back in time, going to their past that would not affect their future, so that they could reverse the affects the Titan had brought upon earth and everywhere else.

During that time, Loki had nurtured his brother, watching as he fell apart with the responsibility of their people, and collapsed into a spiral of depression. You had also been there for Thor, doing your best to take the drink away from the bulky god, but to no avail did you manage to succeed. And so, during those tormenting five years, you and Loki would sit side by side, both basking silently in your failures.

“I thought you guys’d know everything, but I guess that you and your highness are stuck in one time line; all of them. But for us humans and every lesser being, there are multiple, and that Loki that stole the tesseract, yet I say again, is one much different. And we are on the search for him, to stop his disruption and crossing over of the times!” An exonerated, and audible exhale of air left you after your little speech.

Loki smirked, at the premise of you protecting him with the admission of the truth. But he couldn’t help but feel a feeling of warmth flutter within his immortal insides, it was rather a nice feeling he realised. “He is quite difficult to catch, we have been tracking him since the time heist went sideways.”

“That’s because he’s you!” You pointedly exclaimed, unable to pin some of the blame upon the god himself. Sure, in recent times he had changed, and was much different from back when he wanted all mortals to kneel before him (which you’d willingly do if it ever came to that, though you’d never tell him under which circumstances that would be), but at the end of the day, that had been him once!

The tricks and the lies still remained, but he had found a reason to thrive, and a long and enduring career that he was well at tackling. Often, he made out being an avenger, despite the government’s rouse of concern, to be a bore, and that he had far better things to do. But he stayed, with a light in his eyes, and continued following along with the heroic traditions, breaking a few rules here and there.

“Dear, why do you always have to put the blame upon me? I was not the one who decided to put that green dye within your shampoo, but I’ll have to admit, did you look so enrapturing.” He was running a ploy, dragging out the time that you spent bantering in hopes of something happening.

Unlike Heimdall, he did not have foresight, but it was a requirement whilst the pair of you were on your expediting mission, that you check in with the base, via the comms that had cracked under brutal feet. And so, he spoke, with the promise that you’d return the conversation and leave all others in the room confused with your meaningless discussion.

“I did, didn’t I?” You asked, to which he hummed in reply, lightly nodding his head, as his feline eyes ran up your body, paying ample attention to how your limbs were free, unlike his own. “But I’d say fine sir, that the blame is down to Clint, and if I’m correct, may we kick his ass as soon as we get back home?”

“Of course we can my beloved-“ you froze at his choice of words, and it appears that he did too, suddenly realising his mistake. Gulping for a second he went to speak again, but the commander felt much inclined to but in, and stop the headache that was bubbling in his large head.

“Shut up; the pair of you!” His scolding made you feel as though you were in school over again, it was impossible not to drop your head down and try to contain your laughter. Loki too found such enjoyment in this predicament, sporting a cheshire grin to emit his emotions.

“I’m sorry, can you say that again? Maybe a just a tad louder?” You pinched your thumb and forefinger together to show how much, and it was clear that you were pissing this primal being off. He began towards you, and you were prepared to fight him, you were never one to back down, which was one feature upon the various reasons that Fury had initially recruited you.

Awaiting the first strike, you stood despite the others around you, your eyes wide open as you bravely stared up at your opponent. But before the fight could begin, a distant crash assumed preference in your ears, causing you to turn your head in the direction it had came from. And then, all of a sudden, a ship crashed through the dock, guns blazing from its side.

“What are you waiting for?” The distinct voice of Rocket asked, and obediently you ran through the terror, finding Loki already upon the ship, but then, he appeared behind you also. “Quill, get ready to go!”

Taking glances, you stared between the two practically identical copies, a light frown on your face. Both were restrained, yet the one that was seated beside Groot, whom was playing a game on some nineties device, was glaring up at the pair of you.

“An avenger, really?” The seated one laughed, mocking his once future self, as you felt the ship steer clear away from the scene. Your Loki quirked his brow, smirking at his self that had avoided the wars that he had chosen to fight upon earth.

“Yes, an avenger.” He responded, causing his other to languidly scoff. An ‘I am groot’ came from the tree, and it was uncertain in your spoken languages of what he had said, but either way, you were more intrigued by the conversation that was happening between the Loki’s. “And I’ll have you know, that she is infinitely more brave than you, you cower-some fool.”

“Oh, so we’re going there?” You asked, causing the pair to snap out of their mutual rivalry, and stare haphazardly at you. “No, don’t mind me, feel free to continue.”

“We’re not going to be unable to unbind your until we reach earth.” Gamora cut in, speaking to the Loki that you knew to be the original.

“That’s fine.” He nodded humbly, before casting his attention back at his alternate reflection. “And this woman, is not only an avenger. She was there for your brother when you were not.”

“Aw.” The other Loki smirked, almost cruelly. “So she’s your beloved?” He remarked rudely, and it seemed to break something within Loki, him wishing not to listen to the other version of himself. He decided he did not like him, and understand how you must have felt upon your initial meeting.

“Yes.” You went to speak, but instead, Loki stood before you, powerlessly pulling your face to his own, and colliding his lips upon yours. On impulse, you ravenously replied with much affection, clasping his jaw and allowing him entrance into your mouth. It earned a disgusted groan out of the Loki that had caused all this hassle.

“I hate to interrupt...” Rocket returned, after putting his gun down and having gone to the front of the ship with Quill, so that he could contact Stark. “But these may get those off.” He held a pair of golden pliers, that were far larger than his body. At the sight , you pulled away from Loki’s face for a moment, raising a brow.

“It’s fine, I think I want to keep them on.” You smirked, earning another sound of disapproval from Loki’s identical rival, pulling him back to your face. Wildly, he hummed into the cavern of your mouth, as the pair of you stumbled around on the spaceship.

“Bedrooms are down the hall to the right.” Nebula informed you, her voice monotone, and in turn, you dragged the god towards said direction, finally releasing all the tension that had been pent up through the years.

Tags

@nickkie1129

Summary of Liam’s episode on Happy Hour podcast – Part 2

Note: Since the podcast is long, we’re dividng these summaries into parts. Hope you guys understand.

- Liam feels like he was a little of an ‘old man’ like an ‘old soul’. All his mates are a bit quiet, even though he is a loud person. When he met the boys he thought: He couldn’t figure out how Niall lived in Ireland and how he was going to be in the band, he was very business like about rehearsals. - They had all big egos so they just sang in unison because they couldn’t agree who would sing which part, so he thinks it’s great that there were people helping them divide the songs. He thinks that singing the chorus is great because it appears more times, but it’s also nice to open the song and even the higher parts are cool because they’re the most passionate. - He thinks that at the start he had great singing parts because “I’ve done so many shows leading up to those two years before X-Factor that I played every audience in the world: old people’s homes, stadiums, whatever you can think of. I’ve played the really good ones and the really really bad ones, so nothing bothered me. So when you’re opening that door [at X-Factor] you cannot fail.” They put him singing first because then they would all relax when he started singing. - Bullying at school and he picked up box. Lately he has been practicing it more and Brazilian jujitsu too. If he had to do a charity box event and he had to play another musician, he would pick one of the Paul’s brothers maybe. - He mentions that he saw the Tyson Fury fight recently and he had tickets to the event (paid for the tickets at a charity event). When he went to the fight there was an old friend that gave him new seats and he ended up on the front row. - He has started to learn a little more about YouTube due to lockdown. He has a channel now and he does a round-up video every so often. Some videos have been better than others, but Liam is trying to find a rhythm with it. He started doing a weekly round-up, but he realized that there were weeks where he couldn’t leave his house and he was just reacting to videos or some fan art. “What it gives me is a chance for people to see me as me. Me just sitting there saying crap which is fine for me”. - Liam says he was a big Pokémon fan and that his favorite was Charizard. - Jaack suggests that Liam need some drama on his YouTube channel to boost subscribers. Liam suggests creating a fake beef between him and Jack Whitehall. Once, he was in a bar and Jim Carr and Jack Whitehall were there and he ended up in the middle of them, “the best thing ever”. Liam also mentions the “jokes” Jack did at the Brits in 2019. - Liam also talks about a trend on TikTok where people ask others to fight and promote their own accounts. Liam considers it’s difficult to use TikTok because he knows the apps used by him are closely followed by his management, his label or with other people involved. But with TikTok it’s meant to be stupid and that he does some crazy things sometimes (he has a video of himself jumping like a frog and still deciding if he will post that). He considers it’s a fun app to use. But people comment on the frequency he posts and he doesn’t care about it: “I’m just gonna Tik and Tok as much as I can”. - Liam played a game where Jaack and Stevie read headlines on YouTube and he needed to say if things really happened or not. Liam was pretty shocked and surprised with some of the things done by youtubers (like somebody cementing their head in a microwave). - Liam mentions that his YouTube show needs a name because it was a round-up, but right now isn’t rounding up anything. He suggested “Liam laid bare” but it’s sexual. Another suggestion was “Lockdown with Liam”, but again way too sexual. - Liam considers that things being sexual were a big problem for him. His first song was Strip That Down (which is a bit sexual and that he adapted to fit his life) and then every single song after has a thing that’s a bit sexual. - Jaack brings up “Naughty List”, his latest single. Liam says that he is trying to avoid the “sexy” thing, but it just keeps coming back. He feels like it’s a fun Christmas song. It was from the same writing team that wrote “All I Want for Christmas” and he had a little bit to do with the writing. - Liam feels like lately he is better at editing lyrics than creating a new concept, so with this one [Naughty List] he was just worried about the cheesy elements. He mentioned that he cut off a part from the song because it was too cheesy (he recorded it, but he promised everyone that he wouldn’t be in the final song). - Liam about being a meme. He mentions that there are people on the internet using his more serious selfies and turning them in like weird memes (he thinks that a few people that do it are from the k-pop fandom). He jokes that he is ridicule by them and that he is “alright with it”, but some are just weird and a lot of the memes are around pooping and farting. - Liam loves K-Pop, but considers that sometimes fans hate One Direction because they were a band and did well. He was really interested in watching the new Black Pink documentary. - Naughtiest thing he has ever caught doing was smoking when he was 19 years old. His parents used to come on tour sometimes and Simon one time went at the same moment. They were smoking a cigarette in a dressing room with Simon and then Liam’s parents come in and Simon asked Liam if he wanted a cigarette because he smoked and Liam was like “no, no, no, no”. Liam’s personal trainer came in and said that he had bought Liam a new lighter (naughty one) and his parents were looking at Liam threateningly.

Hiiii I've been following you for a LONG time now, have read so many of your fics and drabbles (Why is Everything So Weird a personal fav of mine) and I recently started writing fics and wanted to ask this for a bit but ehhh was pretty nervous to do it but I'm feeling kinda low and was wondering if you ever gey discouraged?? Or just a general lack of umph? Sorry if this is weird or a downer or whatever :/

Hmhmm, well firstly I want to start this by saying thank you so much for reading my stories. I'm really glad that I've been able to keep you entertained and coming back for more!

In regards to feeling discouraged, I think it's quite normal for every creative in almost every field to get a little down about their own work sometimes, especially in fanfiction. It's important to remember that fanfics, unlike traditional or even self-published books, are a lot more volatile and unstable. When someone finds an author that they really enjoy in a bookstore, they probably search for more works from that same author because they want to read more of what they've written.

I don't do that 😅

My brain is so flighty, my tastes so particular, my attention span fleeting - generally when I enjoy a story, I'm too lost in the STORY itself to think much about the author. As a writer, that's a pretty bad habit of mine but it's true, and I'm sure the same can be said for lots of other people! Some are a one-and-done kind of deal and those who read fanfiction are more prone to being like that.

Because fanfiction is so unpredictable, you might feel discouraged when uploading your work but you really shouldn't be! So many different factors go into who chooses to read your stuff and who chooses not to: timing, length, completion, AU preferences, characterization preferences, too much smut, not enough romance, too much dialogue, not enough description, paragraph sizes (!!!) - I've even seen multiple people on TikTok talk about how someone could really be enjoying a fic but the character says "babe" once in chapter 27 and suddenly it feels too ooc for them and they have to immediately unsub from that fic. A single word choice can make people flee for the hills because fanfiction is extensive and never-ending and if one story doesn't scratch their itch then surely another piece of work somewhere else can.

If you're having second thoughts about your writing because maybe the views/kudos aren't where you want them to be, or you got an unfriendly comment/ask/DM, then I implore you to remember how picky people are with their fanfiction. Because fanfics aren't published works. People aren't just willing to "go along with the ride" or "suspend their disbelief for the sake of the story" because they aren't reading an "original" story. Many people read fanfiction as an emotional or mental escape from reality, and so they like their fics to be a very certain way that caters to what they enjoy the most out of those characters.

I know I sound like a broken record - believe me, I know - but whenever I'm feeling discouraged and uninspired, I try to remind myself that just like with my readers, writing fanfiction is my own personal escape. It's not meant to pander to other people's interests, or competing to be the best of the best, or even searching for validation from others, and if you find yourself writing for any of these reasons then maybe it's time for you to take a little break and do some nice things for yourself! Read a good book, or binge watch a new tv show, or sit down and really get invested in a new video game, maybe try and learn a new skill, or even catch up on all of those Youtube videos from your favs that are piling up in your subscription box!

Because at the end of the day, whatever you're choosing to write about should be written by you, FOR you. It's your own form of entertainment! You're the one running the show, you're the one calling the shots, these are your little puppets and you're gonna make them dance however you want them to dance because that's what YOU enjoy. And hey, if other people end up stopping in and happen to like your work too, and they want to follow along and leave you really nice comments and encourage you to write more then that just makes the process even more enjoyable! But it should never be about gaining/keeping an audience, no matter what those damn Stats try and make you believe.

I think the best thing to do when you're feeling discouraged is to take a deep breath, step back from wherever you do your writing (laptop, notebook, phone, etc), and try to remember why you started in the first place. Try and remember how excited you were when you came up with a new idea that was so vivid and clear in your mind that you raced to the Notes app in your phone so that you could go back to it later. Try and remember how many fics you've read in the past that you loved so much that sometimes you still think about them, and try not to see them as your competition, or what you have to live up to, but as a constant reminder of all your passion.

Try and remember that if others can do it, then why not you too?

Burnout is hard, writer's block is worse, but forgetting why you enjoyed it so much in the first place in exponentially more heartbreaking. You don't have to appease anyone, you just have to make yourself laugh, make yourself cry, make yourself feel powerful enough to take on the entire world! The rest of everything else will follow in its own time when you've reclaimed the confidence that you once had in yourself, I promise 🧡

Hm. This is accidentally very long.

tldr: Colson gives me the icks as of recent, no more zwowfic emgk in the near future

idk if its just the parts of tiktok, youtube, and twitter I'm on, but I've been seeing and learning a lot more about Colson via resurfaced videos. And it's very gross.

For the most part, in my research for fics and just general interest, I've been watching good interviews where Colson is just being a qt nd charismatic. But shit, the videos I've been seeing recently are bad.

I've always thought our carved out, niche fandom goes way too easy on Em and Colson for their misdeeds. But now that I've seen more, I don't know how to reconcile the fiction we create here in our fandom, with the real nasty ppl they are. Especially in regards to kells.

Talking about Hailie, and those old ass tweets were not the only time Colson, as a fully grown, full realized adult, talked brazenly about being sexully attracted to minors. Say what you want to say about how sexualized teenagers are in today's society, we all know that's wrong and gross. As a person around the age Colson was when he was making those comments, I can't even fucking imagine thinking the same way. It's incomprehensible to me to look at a 17 year old and think they are hot at all, let alone be comfortable enough in that feeling to share it over and over.

Taking a step back from him being a bit of a predator, ugh Colson's racism is undeniable and inexcusable. From the way he speaks too and about black women in interviews, to the racist behavior and cultural insensitivity he and his friends regularly display, it's too ugly to continue to ignore for me.

At first, I put off thinking about it because everyone says random sus shit every once in a while. But saying that your daughter is black and then turning around immediately to say that black girls give the best head is not sus. It's dehumanizing to black women in general, but also to his daughter.

As a black woman, I can't just ignore that behavior anymore.

also, the covid denier shit has been real fucking ugly to watch.

Is it hypocritical, and maybe a lil stupid that I can reconcile Marshall using the Nword in the past and being outwardly homophobic always, but not this? Possibly. But, for me, the line is drawn at the point where Colson grew up firmly in a time where behavior like his has never been acceptable, and yet he refuses to apologize or take responsibility for his actions.

Anyway....

imma take a moment to deal with my icks and process the difference between the fiction I write and the real life subjects I will not support. As I do that, this blog nd my ao3 will either go ghost or turn to other fandoms.

I'm sorry for being dramatic I swear it's not purposeful. I just have mad thoughts and am in a very emo time of my life rn.

Love u long time emgk peeps,

Zwow(ow)/Lils

alright x3, i just finished the folk of the air series and biiiiiiiiitch

first of all, I would like to curse myself into oblivion for not reading this book sooner. was it recommended to me? yes. did I not read it because I was unsure about faerie stories? you bet. and yes, don’t worry, I know I’m an idiot for that. 

however, I am OVER THE MOON that I finally decided to give it a go because OH MY GOD. And before I jump into this I just gotta address something, because I watched a tiktok last night of this girl RIPPING INTO this book and it honestly pissed me off. I’ve seen a lot of dislike for this series on, as mentioned, tiktok and goodreads. And I get it, I understand why people don’t like the conflict in the first book because it seems juvenile... but we also gotta remember the characters are young and in school, so naturally they have problems that may be difficult for someone not in high school to vibe with, but THAT’S YA FICTION BABY! (and that’s why I love it tbh) I’m very glad I ignored all that slander and picked this lil baby up, because it was right up my alley.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE CRUEL PRINCE, THE WICKED KING, THE QUEEN OF NOTHING 

Let’s go. 

First of all, the first book had me from the first chapter (my friend also had me at ‘enemies to lovers’). And Cardan had me from the first mention of him (and the rings on his hands). He was my ideal awful favorite character and I absolutely loved the entire arc of hating to loving to hating to loving him throughout the entire series. I absolutely LOVE when a character has that much substance. 

I think Jude is one of my favorite female protagonists. She’s morally grey, gotta love it but she’s also a badass and I loved being able to see the way her mind works. It was fun to try to piece things together as she too tried. It was also a kick to the gut with every reveal (cue ONLY DEATH) to a riddle I couldn’t figure out. Though when I first heard the riddle, I imagined a bloody Cardan just sorta walking out of the dark or erupting from the floor, but maybe not being entirely himself, but I quickly forgot the thought and kept reading. 

I loved how I never trusted Locke and how The Bomb stole my heart instantly and I really owe that all to the writing. Just like faerie it was carefully planned out and every gesture meant something, and those two characters I feel were really well executed. I loved the diversity of the couples (Vee and Heather yee yee) and I liked that it wasn’t forced into the story the trademark bi couple whose problems stem solely from coming out. Which is really freaking refreshing from the more recent years of inclusion. 

I also can’t believe how fast I tore through this. I mean I know my fanfic period of September-Now has rapidly increased my reading and with work, having to read fast is literally the only option, but still I was not prepared to finish this series in two days. I started The Cruel Prince on Monday at around 5p (ish??) and then just finished The Queen of Nothing today (5p) okay so yeah, it took me two days--and that includes a full time job and a hefty workout schedule--so good for me :) But the ferocity I ripped through this with was such a good feeling that I love and honestly haven’t felt in a while (probably since Shatter Me) 

Also as much as I love my sweet Warner, I think Cardan just stole the spot of guy to beat. His cunning and trickster ways was just such an interesting read--cue me screaming into my pillow when Carden exiles Jude and laughs at her when she announces she’s queen-- I was FUMING about that for hours. My sister was like ‘can you like chill’ on our facetime call... and honestly, no I couldn’t. I was shaking with anger, in disbelief he would do something like that after all we had been through (yes, we, I went through it too) and I even tweeted Holly Black and I was like UM WTF... (I sent her a nice tweet after finishing QoN don’t worry, don’t worry) 

Also as someone who sorta dozes off with war strategy, I felt like this was not too confusing and still compelling and I think that goes back to what I said earlier about us being inside Jude’s mind as she tries to piece everything together. Like it was interesting enough to have all the different Courts and to understand their motivations and their alliances and stuff, normally that stuff wigs me out and I just re-read the same sentence over and over, but here I was pleasantly surprised reading all the differing opinions and arguments of what they should do and when.

Ugh and then when the loml slays that fucking snake boy and he hugs her for the first time and just holds onto her in the middle of fucking battle. CAN WE TALK ABOUT AN ARC I am just still reeling from those emotions. And then when Nicasia is like “he sent you the dress for the coronation” I just about rolled off my chair. *chef’s kiss* brilliant.

Feel like a Madoc death would’ve been lit, but his existence in the mortal world and without violence, seems like death to a part of him so I’ll take it. 

I also will never get over Chapter 21 of The Queen of Nothing. So much that I re-read it the second I finished it. “Come here” It’s a miracle no one came to check on me from the sound I made. ANYWAY..

Overall, I just can’t find enough words to describe how amazing this series was and how honored I was to finally take the stick out of my ass and read it. I can’t wait to come back to it one day, maybe a year or so and completely immerse myself in it all over again. CANNOT WAIT. 

It’s safe to say I found yet another series that made me feel things the way Shatter Me did. It’s been a HOT minute since a (non fanfiction) book has done that. (And I separate the two because fanfiction I know the characters and with original works I actually have to get to know them but whatever, not important) anyway, it was amazing to be so in love with words again... and even in hate a little bit too, but hey that’s jude x cardan.

Okay the end, off to tackle more books on my 50+ TBR list yee yee

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

emma macdonald: is she worth watching or should you keep scrolling? my thoughts, opinions, and review.

i don’t know about a lot of you, but if you’re someone who watches a lot of youtube, you might’ve stumbled upon one of the most fascinating and interesting genres on the platform - lifestyle vlogs. there are countless people - mostly teen / young adult girls who document their lives and journeys of going through life, and sharing their daily or weekly celebrations, struggles, and experiences. most of them live a life that seems glamorous and fun, but it begs the question of who’s really telling the truth and who’s just putting on a show?

i’ve watched a lot of lifestyle gurus, and one person in particular i’ve stumbled upon a little over a year ago was miss emma macdonald (pictured below). in case you don’t know who she is, she’s a 19 year old vlogger from boston, massachusetts. according to her, her channel “is mostly around my daily life, fitness, health, fashion (if hoodies and sweatpants count). Mostly a place to make you happy and feel good about you!!” in this current moment, she has garnered 336k subscribers. something i find kind of unique about her is the fact that her older sister maggie also has a youtube channel with 327k subscribers, and she makes similar content, if her description is anything to go by.

now don’t get me wrong, two sisters making similar content isn’t that special, but it’s just a little interesting. based on their videos, you can tell they’re very close and often hang out together and make cameos in each other’s vlogs, which isn’t surprising since they live close together.

  EMMA’S CHANNEL - her likability

now, diving into emma’s channel, here’s my opinion. i can totally see her appeal. i mean, let’s not forget the society in which we live in. she’s a young, conventionally attractive, white, thin, and blonde woman living an incredibly privileged life in one of the best cities in america. with these factors it’s no surprise she has an audience. i will admit, there are times i’ve watched her channel and i find myself having this surge of sudden motivation, and i suddenly want to go and do something besides watch youtube videos all day. i think sometimes she gives off good vibes in her videos, and i enjoy watching her and her sister interact - they’re very sweet together.

   WHERE EMMA FALLS SHORT

if i’m being honest, my problem with emma lies in the fact that oftentimes she comes across as materialistic. don’t get me wrong, i know she must make a ton of money on youtube, and i’m not going to sit here and tell her how to spend her money. she can do whatever she wants with it, but the amount of times she uploads videos in which she talks about her clothes, sneakers, and sweats can't go unnoticed. i don’t want to come across as nitpicky, but this criticism is one i often read in her comment sections, and on tumblr blogs. it’s also a prevalent thing i find with a lot of young influencers these days. it gives off the vibe of all show, and no substance. i think emma is capable of making good content, but there are moments when she comes across as vapid and shallow. i’m not saying every vlog has to be some shakespearean masterpiece, but if you go through her catalogue from even the past few months, you’d see what i’m talking about.

on a related note, another opinion i’ve developed and read is that emma’s life just isn’t all too interesting. if we narrow down how many of her vlogs are centered around her talking about shopping, hanging out with her sister, working out, or just riding in her car, it’d probably add up to 95% of her content. i understand that’s what her content would revolve around according to her description, but i often wonder, if you took away the glitz and glamor, and she was a regular girl, would you be interested in her life? some content is exciting, but it’s really nothing special. i mean, how long can you show the same thing before people move on and grow out of it? i watched maggie’s videos to get a sense of these two, and sometimes i prefer maggie’s vlogs to emma’s. i think maggie’s older age and maturity givers her a certain appeal that i don’t always see from emma. the macdonald sisters make very similar content, so it’s not a huge contrast, but sometimes i feel like i prefer maggie’s videos to emma’s. it’s subjective, of course, but since i’ve caught myself having these thoughts, i feel like it’s worth noting.

    EMMA’S LIFE - who is she?

when we watch these people, it’s natural to want to know everything about them, including their personal life. sometimes the line between privacy and honesty gets blurred and youtubers overshare and reveal too much, or they share too little and their subscribers feel as if they know nothing about the person they’re watching. i feel like emma falls somewhere in the middle because she does open up about personal struggles, relationships, and journeys, but she also maintains a certain level of privacy that’s probably needed for the internet. however, one thing i always wonder is who are emma’s friends? if you watch her videos, you can see that her best friend is maggie. it’s common for your sibling to be your best friend, but is that all? emma has youtube friends, and her roommate, but she hardly talks about them. one of her public friendships is with paige lorenze, who’s not exactly the paragon of maturity and likability. the common consensus with paige is not a favorable one, and i can make a whole post dedicated to her and her foolishness. it’s not surprising these two paired up since they seem to be in the hockey scene, but that's another topic. something worth noting with these two is that months ago emma uploaded a grwm for a date night video, and she essentially promoted products in which all signs pointed to a pyramid scheme. she had hundreds of people telling her to be more cautious and judicious about what she promotes, but she held her belief that they were good, clean products since paige was a consultant for the company. this rubbed me and everyone else with a modicum of common sense the wrong way, because she clearly didn’t do her due diligence, and she didn’t realize that it’s probably not the smartest idea to promote a pyramid scheme. emma’s audience is likely made up of girls her age and younger who are impressionable. she has to be more aware of what she puts out there. it’s not a huge scandal, but it wasn't one of her brightest moments. if she keeps that up, i can totally see her carelessness getting her into more trouble later on.

additionally, i feel like she’s had fall outs with some of her friends, such as her high school best friend ella. i don’t know too much about her, but it’s obvious emma and ella have been best friends for a long time, and she even made a lot of appearances in emma’s earlier videos. however, clearly something went wrong at some point because i recall months ago ella made a tiktok calling emma out for trying to confess her love for ella’s boyfriend. i also recall emma clapping back in the comments, but then she talked about hanging out with ella in some of her recent vlogs, so who knows what even happened there. i just found this to be shady, and if it’s the truth, it could be indicative of emma’s character. but, since not much came of this, i guess there’s not much to tell.

  overall, what do i think of emma?

i think she’s an average girl who just got lucky with the platform she’s been given. you can find a hundred girls like her on any social media. she’s not reinventing the wheel or anything with her content. i can see the appeal at times, but her vlogs are nothing more than those videos you watch at night when you want to shut your brain off and unwind.

what i would love to see more of is her real personality. something that other people say about emma (when she’s with her sister or friends) is that she’s actually a funny person in real life and it doesn’t always come across that way in videos. i’d love for her to open up more about her true self and make more sit down videos, or more q&a’s. the q&a she did with paige recently was actually a pleasant change of pace, and i liked some of the things she had to say. when she vlogs her daily or weekly life, and all she talks about is working out, shopping, or hanging out with her sister, i don’t feel like i see her real self, and i certainly don’t see the humor everyone else raves about. if she showed her true personality a little bit more, then maybe people would see a different, less materialistic version of herself. she has the potential, but right now i’m not seeing anything incredibly special.

overall rating:

3/5

EDIT: JAN 11, 2O21

as i’m editing this, the macdonald sisters have decided to travel - AGAIN - during the PANDEMIC. i’m not sure if they understand this little concept, but a social media following doesn’t exempt them from catching corona. it’s really disappointing to see them traveling for the third time?? i’ve lost count because they keep doing it. like i stated in my conclusion, their videos aren’t anything spectacular, so i get going on a vacation spices your content up, but girls read the room. if influencers can’t be entertaining without traveling all the time, then why do they even have a youtube channel? the comments on maggie’s tiktok in which people rightfully called them out for their recent trip gives me some hope in humanity. at least some people know better. @ macdonald sisters, be smarter. do better. you guys have an influence. google the definition of the word if you have to, just stay home.