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avirael · 7 months

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Never Go Back

“You’ll have to go alone.”, A’viloh stated like it was a simple fact.

“Excuse me??”, Rael retorted though they had understood him perfectly fine.

Ashamed A’viloh lowered his eyes. “I cannot go to the Forgotten Springs. I’m sorry but I just cannot…”

Rael squinted at him. They knew the Miqo’te good enough by now to notice that something was bothering him. “Why?”, they simply asked and hoped that they didn’t have to pry that information out of him.

The Viera’s stern look made A’viloh fold or maybe he had simply understood by now that he could confide in Rael no matter what it was.

“You remember how I told you that Laqa and me lived in Little Ala Mhigo for a while, right?”

“I’m not amnesic, A’vi.”, Rael answered before picking up on where this was going. „What does this place have to do with it?“

“We grew up at the Forgotten Springs.” A’viloh just said and then looked away again. “And we did not exactly part on good terms. Laqa was their leader‘s son and they don’t know what happened to him…”

Rael raised a brow. “Don’t you think they deserve to know that?…”

“Of course, but…”, A’viloh started but his voice trailed off.

“But??”, Rael repeated insistently.

The Miqo’te glimpsed at them. “But I was the reason he left.”

Rael sighed deeply. “Okay… but this doesn’t change that they deserve to know...”

“I feared you would say something like that…”, A‘viloh said with a dark expression on his face.

“You don’t owe them all the details, A‘vi. Just U‘laqa‘s fate… And I‘ll stay with you the whole time if you wish so.“, Rael reached out to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

A’viloh nodded slowly. “I know…but they’ll blame me for it. Then U‘odh will never help us…“

“Maybe…“, Rael shrugged. “But then we’ll find another way.“

For a while neither of them said anything, A‘viloh thinking about what might happen and Rael waiting for his approval.

“Alright?“, the Viera finally asked.

A little fearful A‘viloh looked up to them, before he put on a brave face and nodded. “Alright.“

So it happened that both of them first traveled back to Ul‘dah and from there to the Forgotten Springs, since Rael had never been there before.

It was very different from their last visit to Southern Thanalan. The return to Little Ala Mhigo had caused regret but mostly melancholy in A’viloh, a great longing to the past and the way his life had been.

However seeing the Forgotten Springs, the place where he grew up, his home, again for the first time in more than three years made his stomach turn. He had loved this place and it’s people and he still did. But returning here now, alone, without Laqa, made him feel nothing but shame. How could he possible look them in the eyes and tell them what happened? Why should they not just chase him away immediately?

It was around noon when they arrived and as they walked into the town A‘viloh could feel the eyes of the bystanders on him. A lot of them had just been curious about the unexpected arrival of two strangers but some had probably recognised him at least at second glance.

“It’s a beautiful place.“, Rael noted as they looked around and A‘viloh nodded in agreement. “It is.“

They paused at the Aetheryte for a moment so Rael could attune to it, when A‘viloh noticed a familiar face from the corner of his eye. He tried to stay inconspicuous but as the other Miqo’te stepped closer to see who the new visitors were, their eyes met.

“A’vi?“, the other one asked with a friendly tone. Reluctantly A‘vi looked up and forced himself to smile at his boyfriend’s younger brother. “Hello, U’tykha.“

U‘tykha had always been a warm and friendly person. While most of the other kids in town had mostly been friends with Laqa and hadn’t spent more time than strictly necessary talking to someone as unremarkable as A‘viloh, U‘tykha had always been a good friend to him. He had changed a little since A‘viloh had seen him last, he was taller now and an unfamiliar scar ran over his right eye but he still greeted A‘viloh with a wide smile like nothing had ever happened.

“A‘vi! Is it truly you?“, he asked and embraced his childhood friend in a tight hug which A‘viloh returned hesitantly. “What a nice surprise to see you again! You look so different! How are you? Who is your companion?“

He ignored the first question and instead proceeded to introduce Rael. The two of them shook hands, introduced each other and Rael complimented their settlement. Then U‘tykha returned his attention to A‘viloh and asked the question he had dreaded all this time.

“Is Laqa here too?“

A’viloh’s face froze and then shattered to a horrified grimace. He shrinked back and the pained expression on his face said more than any words could. “No… He…Laqa is…“, A‘viloh struggled. “I…I am sorry, U‘tykha…“

Now U’tykha‘s amiable smile slowly slipped and turned into shock. “No… that can’t be true. My brother can’t be dead…?“

To see him struggle with that information, the shock making place for pain and grief as realisation set in, made A‘viloh feel nauseous.

„I am so sorry…“, he repeated and against his will tears started to run down his face.

U’tykha visibly fought with himself too, his voice strange and hoarse as he finally spoke again. “Let us sit down, please. You have to tell me everything…“

With a gesture he led them to one of the houses at the side of town. Only a woman was there, working on some gear, but U‘tykha send her away in a friendly manner.

“Should I leave you alone too?“, Rael asked unsure what to do or say but A‘viloh pleaded for them stay. U’tykha offered them something to drink and they sat down to talk.

At first A‘viloh struggled, not knowing what to say or where to begin at all. But once U‘tykha had suggested to start from the very beginning everything got a little easier. For Rael’s sake A‘viloh began with a few facts about their early life at the Forgotten Springs, how he got there and how him, Laqa and Thyka had grown up together. Then the dispute that had made them leave, all things U‘tykha knew while Rael didn’t. The easy part.

“Why did you keep it a secret for so long anyway?“, U‘tykha asked.

“I was scared. You know how Laqa was, everybody loved him. Me on the other hand? I was more of a burden than use to you all. I feared U‘odh was already planning to send me away the way things were. But this place was my home, Thyka, you people were my family. I was so scared to loose all of that. And when Laqa agreed that your father would likely be angry if he knew, we decided to keep it a secret until the moment was better but of course that moment never came…“

U‘tykha shook his head and couldn’t help but smile a little. “But A‘vi, I wasn’t much better at fighting and hunting than you back then. We all looked like failures compared to Laqa and Khuba…“

That didn’t convince A‘viloh though. “You were three years younger than me and you weren’t some kid from another tribe U‘odh only had tolerated for so long due his beloved wife’s pleading…“

“Maybe…“, the white-haired Miqo’te pondered. “But in retrospect it‘s so weird that no one noticed earlier. If I remember these years now, everybody with their eyes working should have seen that the two of you were in love. Really, it shouldn’t have surprised anyone at all…“

A’viloh laughed weakly. “Well, it took us long enough to figure it out ourselves…“

A moment they stayed silent, both of them clinging to their memories of better times. Finally U‘tykha took a deep breath and dared to ask: „So, what happened to my brother?“

Then he got to the bits of his story that were news to U‘tykha and that A‘viloh feared to talk about. But with Rael by his side and a sympathetic listener as Thyka it turned out less horrible than he imagined. To his own surprise he managed to tell the whole story up to the point of Laqa‘s death without much trouble.

“I wish it wasn’t true but that’s what happened to him.“, A‘viloh finished his story with glazed eyes but bravely holding back more tears. “I would understand if you are angry with me now or if you want me to leave.“

“Angry?“, U‘tykha, who had silently listened with a more and more horrified expression on his face. “Are you mad? Why would I be angry with you? It wasn’t you who did that to him!“

“But it was my fault what happened to him…“, A‘vi repeated but U‘tykha shook his head. “No, it wasn’t. You didn’t do this to him. I don’t blame you, A‘vi, and neither should you.“

For a moment A‘viloh stared at him speechless, still silently disagreeing until the other Miqo’te asked: “What about you?“

“Me?“, A’viloh asked in confusion.

“Yes, you. If you were captured, how are you here now?“, U‘tykha repeated and reached across the table to take his hand. “One look at you right now is enough to see that you’re unwell. My brother is gone, I cannot help him anymore. But your as much my brother as he was, related by blood or not, and I care about your wellbeing.“

Shocked A‘viloh stared at him and finally the tears overwhelmed him. For another long hour they spoke. A’viloh didn’t mention all of the horrible details or terrible thoughts that had crossed his mind but enough so U‘tykha understood.

After A’viloh’s story was finished, U‘tykha fixed his gaze on the tabletop with a gloomy expression on his face. “I‘m so sorry A‘vi. Can you ever forgive us after all of this?“

Puzzled A‘vi looked up. “Forgive you? For what?“

Slowly the white-haired Miqo’te raised his head and looked him in the eyes. “You suffered so much. We were your family, we should have protected you instead of driving you away. All of this just because father was so stubborn…“

A’viloh couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Stubborn? You say that like it was just a bad mood but U‘odh made quite clear what he thought of me…“

With an apologetic look on his face U’tykha slowly nodded. “His words were harsh but make no mistake, A‘vi. I know he will say otherwise but he regretted them the very moment you two left. Parting this way with his most beloved son hurt him deeply, but you know him well enough to know that he would never show it. So he went on like your argument never happened, like neither of you ever existed. Asked about it he would say that Laqa would soon realise his mistake and return home but I don’t think he ever believed that himself. He knew he had gone to far with his words, and such insult Laqa would not easily forgive. He was too much his fathers son for that…“

To hear him say that made A‘viloh angry. Not at Thyka. He wasn’t even sure if he had any right to be angry at U‘odh, since he had never disagreed with the nuhn‘s assessment of himself. But the idea that all of this would have been avoidable if he just had been better….

For a moment A‘viloh struggled to find an answer but in the end he just shook his head remembering something Rael had told him.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done… Just know that I never blamed you for any of it.“ A‘viloh felt like it was a cruel thing to say, it gave all of it such a sense of finality. But then again death was final and no one could give him back everything he lost.

U‘tykha nodded and a pained silence settled between them. Just when it started to become uncomfortable Rael spoke up. „I don’t want to seem tactless, but the news of your brother wasn’t the only reason that brought us here.“

With a few precise sentences Rael summarised their work with the Scions and the last few weeks of their journey, before stating what they were looking for.

Knowingly U‘tykha nodded. “Ah, Wellwick worm meat… Your reasoning seems important enough and since A‘viloh is basically family I don’t see any reason not to help you. But you know, I don’t make the rules here. You‘ll have to speak to father even though I can understand if you‘d rather not.“

“No, it’s fine.“, A’viloh said plainly. “I didn’t expect to be able to spare myself that conversation. I just fear he will be less sympathetic than you…“

The other Miqo’te shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he just treats you like a stranger. He doesn’t know what happened yet and he will not show any weakness towards you and ask about it. He‘d have to admit that he cares to do that… If I‘m right, please let me tell him the truth. I don’t know how he will react but I think it’s safer if it’s not you who delivers the bad news.“

A‘viloh wasn’t sure if this was the right course of action but he was more than grateful for Thyka‘s offer. Having to talk about all of this once had been depressing enough, he couldn’t imagine having this conversation a second time today and on top of that with someone who‘s reaction he was terribly afraid of. Speaking to him at all would take more courage than he probably possessed…

Rael seemed to feel his doubt. Reassuringly they grabbed his hands. “You can do this A‘vi. I‘m right here with you and we will find a way no matter what happens. Take that anger and make it your shield. Show him that you are not the same person you were back then. You are stronger than he thinks, stronger even than you think yourself.“

Weakly A‘viloh smiled at the Viera. He didn’t understand were all of their confidence in him came from but their words gave him strength. „Alright, let’s go.“

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv writing #ff14 screenshots #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv gpose #gpose #a'viloh tia #rael hyskaris #forgotten springs #sometimes my writing just doesn't do what I want #the title is inspired by the song with the same name by evanescence #I have a playlist with songs that remind me of my characters and I will maybe sometimes post some of them...#like A'vi always has been an insecure person but after everything he's been through he's extremely fearful about pretty much everything #just ignoring all of it seems so much easier because talking about it makes it feel real #and now he's forced to come to terms with all of it and “relearn” how to trust people and himself #which is especially difficult because he never had much self-confidence to begin with...#He's certain he wouldn't be able to do any of this without Rael

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drzibs · 8 months

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its so funny to me, because i went into good omens a die-hard david tennant fan. like he’s my favorite doctor, ive watched most of broadchurch, hes like my emotional support bbc actor. and this is not me saying i love him any less, bc thats not true! hes a brilliant actor and a lovely human and is one of, if not, my most favorite actor of all time.

but mr. michael sheen…………. i have Words for you sir.

//all good words i am in awe of you my guy//

#this man. This Man #because of this man ive went down a complete rabbit hole of his previous work #because he is so fucking good at his job i have watched a whole film that hes maybe centered in five scenes total #ive been sucked into a cop show that is a little bit on the nose writing-wise but holy shit holy SHIT this mans acting #he plays a serial killer who’s father to an nypd criminal profiler and im jist in awe every single time he comes on screen #how. how does he do it. if i was told that he was a narcissistic sociopath with 23 victims under his belt i would believe you 100%#rarely do i ever follow actors instead of fandoms and michael sheen has broken through dammit #i now understand when david says hes inspired by him the guy is so talented #michael sheen #david tennant #talking cat #ill quit yelling now lol i was just bursting at the seams about him

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recovering-vamp · 1 year

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dating sim (VN or CYOA... hmmm) with a mostly/exclusively fat character cast... with lots of cool gender + poly inclusive... this would be nice. mayhaps time to put my RenPy or Twine love to use... idk what sort of thing. just. might be nice to stretch the coding muscles again.

#i am very tired with how many awesome dating sim concepts i keep coming across #and the datable characters are all or almost entirely thin #and are almost always 100% straight sized #especially for games that are inspired by / like stardew valley #I look through all the romance options like... ah #idk doing something like this would require a LOT of time and energy #and my health is not so good rn #but maybe it'd be nice to try...#I have no idea what genre we'd be talking. probably something kinda cottagecore?#just cos i know how to draw it best #I'd also wanna make something poly inclusive #also aro inclusive? idk my acearo ass always craves games where u can kiss characters but it doesn't have to be A Thing #covid is makin me so sleepy eeby so this is all sleepy musing #cryptidspeaks #oh but shout out to validate #ive never played it but it has awesome cast diversity #from the looks of things #there are definitely exceptions to this rule #but none i know of that kinda include all my check boxes #which is to say acearo vibes #poly positive and fat positive #aaaand with gender characters #i am a cryptid of many needs haha #I'm saying this after getting sleepy from 4 hours of piccrew fiddling #so. we'll see if i'm cut out for an even BIGGER project haha

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leotheponderer · 2 months

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Underworld Lore in my story:

What if instead of someone choosing rebirth and not getting to reunite with their loved ones after death, only their soul leaves the underworld and memories remain as a separate entity that are essentially themselves? Like, they can choose to leave their thoughts, personality, experience and consciousness formed by their old life (a person in a nutshell) behind so they still exist because when rebirth happens the soul has no need for those memories anyway so they might as well let their old selves be happy.

This can be really funny when a soul arrives in the underworld only to find a group of inhabitants who are strangely interested in the life they lived like a bunch of nosy relatives. They feel a sense of familiarity with them, then they realise who they're looking at and just laugh because it reminds them of the spiderman pointing meme.

A soul can choose whether or not to leave their old self behind, but before making that decision they will need to go talk to the World (inspired by Hades, World is just a title don't think too much about it) first. Usually these visits are short when they want to do it, while the longer discussions are for those that don't. They will talk about their reasons for not wanting to do it like if their old self will only be miserable or that they have done unforgivable things during their lifetime and are better off not existing.

To prevent rash decision making, souls are not allowed to choose rebirth if they have unresolved issues that can be reconciled. They need to work through these issues first and only then may they be reborn, basically therapy with either the World or someone else.

#greek inspired #inspired by Bianca and Nico's story from Percy Jackson #figuring out the afterlife before the main world #original character #worldbuilding in progress #long reads #original universe #original world #writers on tumblr #worldbuilding #writing #original story #original lore #lore #story #my story #beginner writer #i want to use the name The Afterlands but its already in Maplestory #they removed it though so can i use it now?#the urge to make everyone aro/ace is immense i might just try #the greek myth inspiration is only in aesthetics(?) and not really their stories #like Sleep likes poppies and sleeps in a cave with poppies outside because he's based on Hypnos and stuff #Death is based on Thanatos so maybe they use swords and butterflies like to come near them #World (Hades and Persephone inspired) has many gardens and uses the plants to gain information #he's also kind of stuck in the underworld because he's bonded to the underworld (his body) so maybe he's also based on Tartarus #how does he leave? at the end of the main story the world is stable enough to stand on its own so he doesnt have to be bonded anymore #he goes travelling the new world with Sleep as he's only seen the world through the plants and never in person and Sleep was Sleeping

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cienie-isengardu · 1 year

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After watching Chapter 20: The Foundling (s03e04), I think I finally figured out why Children of the Watch bugs me so much. Ironically this is not just about the helmet rule even though at this point in the story I find it hysterically hilarious how the show doesn’t follow its own worldbuilding. Like Din got kicked out from the Tribe because he took off his helmet and Armorer - who usually is fair and act as the voice of reason - didn’t even bother to ask for the reason behind it (and at least one time was about Din getting medical help and the other, if I remember correctly, was done to save Grogu) with moment before Paz Vizsla claiming he has never took off his helmet because this is the way but now Children of the Watch take off the helmets to eat like no big deal, when we already saw Din eating while not revealing fully his face? Like, sorry, either you are not allowed to take that blasted thing (about what we have two seasons and a bit Book of Boba Fett) or you are allowed to do so in certain situations but if the letter is true, then not asking Din for reason behind his action and just kicking him out on spot is so… jerk move. Double so, when Armorer claims that saving a Foundling is the “highest honor of the Creed '' and isn’t it what all Din’s actions are about through the last two seasons?

I sidetracked.

Anyway, the mentioned scene of Mandalorians scattering around to eat alone so other people don't see their faces (the act of removing the helmet) is what frustrated me so much about this group. Children of the Watch are recognized as a Mandalorian community but they don’t feel much to be one?

On one hand, the show established that members of the Children of the Watch:

support each other in various ways. Like coming to aid a fellow Mandalorian in fight whatever said members are on good terms or not (Paz and Din in the first season) or providing material goods, as we are both shown (with Din) and told (by Armorer) that “It is a tradition [...] for each to donate a small portion of what they earn to the foundlings”. So those who earn money or get their hands on anything special like beskar, support the most vulnerable ones (orphans) of their Tribe. Which is definitely a positive aspect of their community (even if so far we see only(?) Din to wander through the galaxy and actually earn money and share them with his people).

celebrate (witness) together an important moments of individual members like the ceremonial accepting Creed by Ragnar or Din’s official return after Armorer confirmed his proof about Living Waters

train together and the older (more experienced) members act as mentors

organize a searching (war) party for a child abducted by predator animal

So it can’t be denied that Children of the Watch is a community in which all members take part in the social life of the Tribe, and all play some specific roles. The adults mentor the less experienced people and act as protectors in times of danger, Armorer is providing knowledge and guidance but also (alongside Paz Vizsla?) guards tradition and “punishes” for breaking the rules - and it is important to note she is usually presented as fair judge, as it was seen with Din and Paz’s rocky relationship through the all seasons.

On another hand we don’t see Children of the Watch (beside Armorer and Paz) interact with Din or Bo in any meaningful way that builds the feeling of truly belonging to this little society or even between each other in background? And here comes my realization with the rescue group sitting around the fireplace. The food was distributed, Bo’s position as leader acknowledged by Paz and then… everyone went on their own to eat in solitude. Which is so anticlimactic in regard to building any personal connection between Tribe and newcomer. They were a rescue group, on “enemy” territory (with some dangerous local fauna, there could be more hungry predators lurking in the night) and instead of sharing the warmth of firework, the sitting (eating) by the fire is treated as privilege.

Eating together and sharing food with your community is a universal bonding experience and it is no wonder that Bo-Katan is out of her depth so much in that scene, when one remembers she was for years part of Death Watch. And we know thanks to The Clone Wars (a tie-in material from the same New Canon) that Death Watch feasted together (A Friend in Need)

or even during Pre and Maul talk about alliance - a pretty important moment for both involved parties - there was one warrior who apparently chose to eat/drink between his folks rather than sitting (alone) somewhere else.

Hell, even when Din and Boba Fett seek her in the previous season, she and Koska also ate a meal together.

Of course, those little scenes are just glimpses at life of other mandalorian groups, but there is drastic contrast between Children of the Watch (eat alone so no one see you removing helmet/showing face) and what Bo-Katan experienced within two separate communities (Death Watch and her clan/followers). And I think this is the reason why Children of the Watch doesn’t feel like a true community to me. Sure, they train together and take part in ceremonies and aid each other in fight, but there is little of actual personal relationship? Little of normal things the community do together like exactly eating and sharing a place by the fire?

And there is something really bothering how the morally dubious Death Watch act as a community, not only with the training, but also eating a meal together or talking with each other - what could be observed in various scenes between the unnamed members.

In general I think TCW provided a better feeling of Death Watch’s daily life outside of combat than The Mandalorian show did for the Children of the Watch. It is doubly weird that Pre Vizsla of all people bothered to offer Maul a tea when they were making alliance as a gesture of goodwill and/or playing the good host role

while Bo-Katan (a newcomer) is left to eat alone because no one is allowed to remove the helmet in company thus can’t eat together. Come to think about it, Bo-Katan too offered to share her food with Grogu and Din in the “Mines of Mandalore” which adds to the feeling how food - as bonding / belonging to community - means a lot to her or Mandalorian in general.

Additional feeling of the not-so-good community sense comes from the same episode and is about how Ragnar could walk away from the group unnoticed when apparently Children of the Watch are perfectly aware of dangerous predators lurking around. And the kid walked to the edge of the water from which Tribe was already attacked by a beast and for some reason no one noticed it? Like Din was there when Ragnar just walked away but he was too busy praising Grogu even though, as the adult and part of the community he was responsible for other (especially less experienced) members. He however could have zero knowledge of the flying predator that may snatch the kid but the Tribe living there knew but did not bother to guard their children better? As was shown, they didn’t put anyone on guard duty to make sure those training together were safe or to keep an eye on kids wandering away from the group? You know, to not repeat the tragedy that already befall on their community in the recent past? It is especially weird to me, because the whole episode put so much pressure on how saving a foundling (or child in general) is the most honorable part of the Creed yet the Children of the Watch, as a collective, did not provide the safety to the most vulnerable members as they could despite the knowledge about danger and already experienced tragedy.

And sure, we could argue hey this kid is a sworn Mandalorian and maybe the Mando doesn’t fret about children safety as we, the no-warrior people, do. But the thing is, none of the monsters the Tribe faced was something a single adulr warrior could beat alone. It was always a community effort to beat them - and mind you, the “water beast” ultimately was killed by fire from Din’s spaceship so it is not something that a lonely kid could achieve on his own. The flying monster also was defeated because of cooperation of several warriors (though they maybe could kill it faster if the animal didn’t hold the kid). Which is why I find the execution of the plot weak from the in-universe perspective, as this tragedy was easy to avoid if only the Tribe bothered a bit more with common sense and security (something they were much more focused on in the first season?)

Of course, the show is an ongoing project so maybe the future episodes will change my mind about Children of the Watch, but for now I have very mixed feelings about them as the Mandalorian community. They are built as one for sure but they don’t really feel like a real community so far to me. Especially not compared to Death Watch, as was presented by the same New Canon.

#star wars #children of the watch #death watch #the mandalorian #the mandalorian critical #the mandalorian spoilers #i know i'm looking and judging the children of the watch through real life experiences when it comes to what community is #and especially the importance of sharing food / eating together with family or friends #so i know it is not universal experience and dunno maybe this kind of mando community is meant to represent something else #not sure from where creators take their inspirations for this religious-like tribe #but i'm really bothered by their take on them #especially when we can compare this group to death watch (from the new canon)#and when bastards like TCW!DW feel more like tigh knitted community than the supposed honorable mando i'm a bit concerned #when from DW it was mainly pre and bo who we truly knew about while other mandos were the background #but they still interacted with each other and eat together and have fun?#while children of the watch are mainly seen in regard to ceremony / creed / fight #and the one scene when bo could learn something about her companions ya'know to bond with someone outside din and armorer #she is left to eat alone?#dunno if this is just me or the show #my analyze

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