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#anyway i have this weekend and 3 days off next week!! VERY. VERY EXCITED TO HAVE MORE TIME TO WRITE.
merakiui · 4 months
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hi mera! are u still doing fwb dialogues? if so, can i have jamil with "this is bad, this is very bad" ?
love ur writing, have a good day (👉゚ヮ゚)👉
Hi hiii!!! Thank you for requesting. <3
(fwb dialogues)
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This is bad, you and Jamil realize in perfect unison. This is very bad.
No one's at fault here. At least, that's what you assume. But here you are, clad only in one of Jamil's hoodies and your underwear. To make matters worse, you've opened his bedroom door to greet who is, quite possibly, the one person who could dissolve this secret arrangement in the span of mere minutes. A record, really. Jamil stifles his groan, sitting up in bed with the covers still thrown over his legs. If he gets up now, he risks revealing the real reason you stayed the night because he, too, is sporting his boxers and nothing else.
Is he fated to be unlucky whenever Kalim is concerned? Just what's up with that?
"Oh! I didn't know you were here, (Name)!" His smile bright and unwavering, Kalim peers past you at Jamil. "Why didn't you tell me (Name) was here, Jamil? We could've thrown a party or done something fun last night!"
That's exactly why I didn't, he thinks bitterly. It's not even afternoon, but he's already irritated. Stress doesn't go away with sleep. Jamil would know; he's tried that dozens of times and it's yet to work.
You exchange a wary, furtive glance with Jamil. He hopes to convey don't say a word. I'll handle this in his stern stare, but you don't quite catch it.
"Don't worry about it, Kalim! There'll always be another time for that. I was just—"
"Leaving," Jamil interjects. "(Name) was just getting ready to leave."
"In your hoodie?"
Of course. There's that. Your clothes are still scattered on the floor. Last night feels like a blur even though it's perfectly vivid in his mind's eye. And to think he was planning to wake early and prepare breakfast. Out of habitual schedule. Definitely no other reason.
Jamil watches what's possibly the worst attempt at improv he's ever seen. It's so bad he visibly winces.
You grab at the hoodie and feign surprise. "W-Wow! Yeah, that's so crazy. I wonder how that got on me. Must've been magic..."
Kalim looks from you to Jamil and then back, silently assessing something. And then he gasps, his eyes wide. Jamil's ready to dig a grave and lie down in it. His first slice of relief in a while and it's only lasted one week. That's a record.
But then Kalim says, "Ooh, you had a sleepover! That's so fun!"
"A... A sleepover..." Jamil hurries to hide his shock before you can say anything that'll further jeopardize the situation. "Right. Yeah, that was it. Just a sleepover."
"It was late. We didn't wanna bother you," you add.
"Aw. I wouldn’t have minded. But next time you should definitely let me know! We can have one big sleepover together. You, me, Jamil—maybe even the entire dorm!" He laughs, excited by the prospect of it. "Oh, and we'll definitely need to have food and drinks! Some games, too. Maybe I'll even invite Lilia and Cater. And Riddle and Silver as well! Wait, what about everyone in my class? They'll wanna come, too!"
Before Jamil can stop his tangent, Kalim sprints off. Face-palming, he flops back onto his bed, only to bolt upright once Kalim returns seconds later.
"Sorry, Jamil and (Name), I wish I could stay and talk more. But I gotta go tell the rest of the dorm that we'll be holding our first-ever dorm slumber party this weekend! Thanks for the idea!"
And then he's off for good.
You turn slowly, bracing for the scowl. As expected, it's there, right at home on Jamil's face. You raise your hands in mock surrender.
"Okay, in my defense, how was I supposed to know it'd be him?"
"Who else would it be? The Sorcerer of the Sands?" Jamil sighs, scrubbing the exhaustion from his eyes. "You didn't even have to answer it."
"He would've come in anyway." Jamil can't refute that. "Do you think he knows about us?"
"Not anymore. He's so focused on throwing a dorm slumber party after someone put the idea in his head."
"What? No way! It's not my fault he came to that conclusion! Better that than the truth, right?"
Again, you make a valid point.
"It's still more work I'd like to avoid."
You fix your lips into a sympathetic frown. Jamil's not sure why you even bother. There's no point to these emotions when your relationship is simply physical.
"Can I make it up to you?"
He raises a brow, suspicious. "Getting the idea out of Kalim's head would be a start."
"Oh, I was gonna suggest another type of head, but that also works."
Jamil gazes at the time. It's risky but oh-so-rewarding. His lips lift in a smug smile. With a flick of his magic pen, the door shuts and locks.
"We can start with that."
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starlostseungmin · 1 year
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hi kei! idk if you remember me but i'm your handholding anon from months ago <3
what lip balm flavor do you think seungmin uses? 🥺 imagine him putting on lip balm before snuggling next to you in bed, the sweet scent making you stare way too long at his pretty pouty lips. he knows you're resisting the urge to kiss him right then and there, but he teases you anyway by pressing his forehead against yours. "jagi, you're so cute but it's just lip balm," he laughs.
— it’s just lip balm, ksm.
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hi lovely! yes, i do remember you and i'm glad you're back <33 i made a short drabble for this soft seungmo thought and i got so excited when i read it. i hope to interact with you :'> so please drop by soon or be my emoji anon if you're shy ^.^ thank you for this! i enjoyed writing it. 🌷✨💕
pairing: boyfriend!seungmin x gn!reader genre: fluff warnings: kissing, not proofread. word count: 996 notes: hello, i hope you’re having a great day! please reblog, leave your feedbacks and put tags alright? don't let it flop! thank you very much love ♡
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weekend. 
seungmin’s favorite part of the week finally arrived. it’s always the best part of his life when he could lay and take his day off, be lazy and eat his comfort food. read and watch dramas like he always does. he just got home that friday night and went to take a shower where he finds you on your shared bed, reading the book he gave you from your birthday last year. all set with pajamas and night lights. the sound of the bathroom’s sliding door opened, followed by his footsteps, then the door closed again. seungmin ruffled his hair to dry with a small towel to prevent water droplets from soaking his favorite mahagrid t-shirt. a smile tugged on his face when he got out of the bathroom. 
“enjoying the book so much?” he asked, teasing you about it. a chuckle escaped your lips as your eyes landed on him, immersed in how fluffy he looked in his pajamas with his hair getting dry. “it’s your 5th read,” 
“you can’t blame me,” you defended. “i love it so much,” 
seungmin let out a giggle before he leaned forward and kissed your forehead and proceeded to do his nightly routine. you share a vanity mirror with your favorite products aligned neatly on the flat surface. it’s a common sight every night on his day off as he ended up cuddling you after he’s done. your boyfriend misses you oftentimes when he can’t go home during his hectic schedule but he tries to give time to call or text you whenever he gets a break in between. nevertheless, you were always busy too, especially when you were in your last semester in college. but your clinginess to each other never fails to miss any time just to talk and ask how you were doing. 
he sat down as he looked at himself in the mirror doing his skincare which you always find cute. you didn’t know why but he’s the type to be all clean and comfortable before going to bed. his sweet scent helps you sleep at night and his soothing voice sounds like a lullaby, he could invite you into a pillow fight or just talk about random things until 2 am. bedtime seungmin is one of your favorite seungmin. but he promised you’d sleep together a little early after an exhausting day. 
you closed the book, setting it aside for the night as you watched him doing his finishing touch. that rosehip oil lip balm of his. you never tried that flavor before because of your consistent use of cherry or the original one of the brand. 
“you’re no fun, y/n,” he’d say and you just have to roll your eyes at his statement. but rosehip oil had you hooked. you knew he’s been using it for a while now but you don’t care. yet watching him apply that roseate wax with a curios scent made you wonder what it tastes like, especially when it’s coated all over his lips. 
“is it sweet?” you asked. 
“you want to try?” he asked, not breaking his eye contact with himself in your vanity mirror. 
“can i?” you beamed, but instead of handing you the small object, seungmin being seungmin leaned forward to kiss you. a smirk formed on his lips, a sign of triumph when he leaned away, leaving you a blushing mess. “you’re a teasing maniac, are you?” 
“at least you get to try it specially,” he said, winking at you while giggling. “relax babe, it’s just lip balm,” 
“pssh,” you hissed at him. 
“how was it?” he said, still plastering that annoying smirk on his face. 
“good,” you said. “the lip product, i mean,” you added back as he sighs in disbelief. 
“how about my lips then?” he pouted like a baby. 
“i don’t know for sure,” you said, letting out an evil chuckle as seungmin started to pout his lips even more. 
“here, kiss it,” he said, pointing his lips. 
“no,” you retorted playfully when he tried to shorten the gap between you two as he make kissing sounds. 
“one kiss!” he laughed in between. “y/n!” 
“no, back off!” you said, pushing him away but seungmin is persistent with the kiss and it is always a way to tease you because he knew that you won’t be able to resist it even if you try to avoid it. 
“my lips are waiting,” he said. 
“one kiss?” you asked as he took the same lip product again to apply. 
“just one,” he reassured. “unless you beg for more?” he added licking his lips while wiggling his brows and that’s when you burst out laughing for making a reference. 
“i love you so much,” you said in between your laughs and seungmin was proud of his sense of humor. “not just one okay?” you smiled. 
“y/n, babe, i know you can’t just have one,” he said as you rolled your eyes in response before kissing him again. 
his lips were hot as you tasted the flavored lip balm. it was bitter indeed but the sweet scent of it made it more addicting and having it on your boyfriend’s lips had it intoxicating. seungmin knows you are a sucker for his kisses and melt over it. that is one thing that you always miss when he’s not around, the thing you would always look forward to when he gets home and the thing that you always want the most when you two are alone. how can he blame you when you told him he is a good kisser? 
“you’re so cute,” he said, breaking the kiss pressing his forehead against yours. 
“and you’re annoying,” you chuckled. “in a good way of course,” you smiled. “i love you, seungmin,” 
“i love you too jagi,” he said, giving you a quick kiss before taking you inside his arms and cuddled yourselves to sleep. you can’t wait to spend your weekend with him all alone. 
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taglist : @wolfchanchan ,, @1-800-lixie ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @lix-ables ,, @zoe8stay ,, @gwynsapphire ,, @cherryhanji ,, @lixesque ,, @seungly ,, @sleepyleeji ,, @comet-falls ,, @kim-seung-mo ,, @ppiri-bahng ,, @myjisung ,, @snow-pegasus ,, @milkybonya ,, @l3visbby ,, @wilczachannn ,, @asters-abditory ,, @tangylemonade ,, @hwan-g ,, @awkwardnesshabitat ,, @chrispychans ,, @therealhyunjingf ,, @hyunverse ,, @starseungs ,, @skizzel ,, @lino-jagiyaa ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @rachabreathing — ( see navi. if you want to be added )
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asahicore · 1 year
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espresso macchiato - sjh
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part 1 of the coffee mini-series // prompt 72 of the 100 kisses list, accidentally bumping noses
pairing. coworker!junghwan x fem!reader
synopsis. It’d only been a month since Junghwan had started to work with you at the coffee shop, but your crush on him was already threatening to make itself known. It took a broken espresso machine and a cute accident for you to find out that these feelings might not be one-sided.
genre. winter au, coffee shop au, fluff with a side of fluff and extra fluff, noona!reader (just one-year age gap tho)
word count. 2.2k
a/n. i said two seconds ago that i would post this tomorrow but i already changed my mind. i had so so much fun writing this so i hope you will too while reading! i tried to make it as cute as possible... just cute cute cute... super excited to write the rest of the series. no promises but i'll try to do like a double update next weekend with part 2 of this and part 2 of hey heeseung !! ok i know nobody reads these but as always lmk what u think pls and thank u bye bye &lt;3
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winter.
You should’ve known that nothing good could come out of having such a cute coworker as So Junghwan.
The moment he’d stepped into the coffee shop, announcing himself with a big smile as the new barista, you had to keep yourself from freaking out. Somehow, all the ugly things that came with being a barista hadn’t tarnished your dream for a coffee shop romance. No amount of spilled coffee and rude customers could stop you from wishing a handsome guy would stride in and sweep you off your feet.
But now that said handsome guy had finally strode in, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. Because it wasn’t enough for the handsome guy to just be handsome, he also had to be charming, and kind, and funny. And tall. Very, very tall. If at first his face alone had been enough to destabilize you, soon, it was his contagious boyish grin, the sound of his laughter, the way his hands worked the machines that made your heart beat faster than it should. You’d even started to like the fact that he called you noona - at first, you chided him for it, arguing that you were barely a year older than him, but he insisted, and you didn’t have a choice but to get used to it.
As with most bad things in your life, you blamed your manager. Got a cold? The manager insisted on turning the heating all the way up this winter, and your body has gone into shock every time you’ve had to go back into the cold outside. Missed a deadline? The manager asked you to take over someone else’s shift that one day you had planned on writing your essay after procrastinating for two weeks. Liked the new barista? The manager made you responsible for his training, because “you’ve been here for so long” (two years) and “you’re one of our best” (ten time employee of the month, thank you very much) and “you have the most overlapping shifts with him, anyway.” No problem, boss. No problem at all, you’d said, and you had meant it, until Junghwan walked right from your dreams and into the coffee shop on a bright morning in early December.
The first few weeks, it was easy to lie to yourself that it was just due to Junghwan being practically perfect that you felt like this - anyone with eyes and an attraction to men would react the same way. Or so you thought, until you talked to your coworker-turned-bestie, Jayoon.
“I don’t know, I think he’s kinda dorky.” Your friend had simply shrugged when you asked her about the newbie. You’d been trying to be as nonchalant as possible, but your interest in him was obvious. But then she’d seen your appalled expression, and tried to backtrack slightly. “I mean, super nice and all, just not my style. He’s all yours,” she’d added with a wink.
You realized you had a proper crush on him when a customer wrote her number on the receipt and left it for him, and the jealousy you felt upon seeing the slight blush that spread across his cheeks was too much to ignore. Something you had noticed about Junghwan after a month of working with him was that he could dish it but not take it. When it came to grabbing something you couldn’t reach from the top shelf for you, telling you your hair looked cute that day, or making a little heart on top of the latte you desperately needed when you worked the opening shift together, he was a pro - but if you so much as called him cute or patted his head, the boy became a stammering and blushing mess, akin to the clueless female lead of a high school romance anime.
Seeing someone else have that effect on him was no fun. You wanted to run after the girl and lecture her about disturbing coffee shop employees when they’re trying to do their job, but you knew you just wished you had as much guts as her to shoot your shot with Junghwan.
“Look, noona, a girl gave me her number,” he said, gloating and holding the small piece of paper for you to see, when a random two p.m. rush had subsided. “She even drew a heart.”
You scoffed, turning away and pretending to be busy rearranging the syrup shelf so he wouldn’t see the glare in your eyes. “You look so happy,” you commented moodily. Great job hiding your crush, Y/N, you thought.
“It is pretty flattering.”
You turned your head to look at him. He’d taken a few steps closer to you and was now resting his back against the counter, palms flat on the surface behind him to hold him up. His smile had gotten even wider, that idiot. You squinted your eyes at him. “So, are you gonna call her? Or text her?”
“No,” he’d answered right away, and the lack of hesitation took you by surprise. “There’s someone else I like.”
The words had already made your breath hitch in your throat - but as if he was intent on killing you, Junghwan started walking right towards you, only stopping when he was towering over your shorter frame. He crumbled the receipt in his hands and threw it in the trash can that you happened to be standing in front of, his eyes never once leaving yours. He beamed down at you, that familiar, puppyish grin that lights up his whole face, and, as if nothing happened, walked to the register to take the order of a customer that had just arrived.
It took at least a full minute for your breathing to return to normal.
-
Junghwan was a quick learner. He mastered the espresso machine and latte art in record time, remembered recipes to specialty drinks easily, and didn’t panic when someone ordered something he’d never made before. He also wasn’t scared to ask for help, and you’d soon grown used to his questions, tone ranging from simply curious to downright alarmed. Noona, do I add cocoa powder on top of a cappuccino? Noona, what’s the difference between a regular latte and a latte macchiato? Noona, why the hell does this person want their chai to be dirty?!
So when he called out, Noona, I think the machine’s broken, you hadn’t thought anything of it at first. Luckily, it was reaching closing time, and not many people came for a caffeine fix at seven in the evening, so you could easily deal with the machine. 
You headed to where Junghwan was crouching, glaring at the espresso machine as if that would magically fix it. You shook your head at him with a chuckle and told him to scooch over. Either in an attempt to tease you, or because he genuinely wanted to know how to repair it, Junghwan followed your every move, very, very closely. He stood and bent over the machine along with you, checked the water and coffee bean levels along with you, made sure the tubes were properly cleaned along with you. But in the end, it was just that the tube that poured the espresso had come somewhat loose, and so the machine beeped in warning every time one tried to make coffee.
“Look, it’s no big deal, just that the tube came loo- Oh!”
Junghwan had been looking at you as you explained the problem, but the two of you were crouching in front of the counter, so close together that when you turned your head to look at him, your noses had bumped into each other. You’d both leaned back in surprise at the same time, eyes widening and heat spreading to both of your faces as you peered at each other, astonished. But then, Junghwan’s face broke into a grin, and a chuckle escaped his lips, then another one. You burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, the fact that you had to keep quiet because of the few remaining customers in the shop making it even harder to stop giggling.
When after a few minutes, you managed to regain your senses, a wave of shyness hit you - even if for just a split second, you had been close enough to Junghwan for your noses to touch, even, perhaps, for your lips to touch. And thinking about kissing Junghwan was not good for your heart.
A silence settled between the two of you, and you were thankful for the music playing softly and the chatter of the customers that filled the otherwise quiet coffee shop. You could barely look at Junghwan anymore and found him quickly averting his gaze as well every time you dared a glance at him, as if the same realization had hit him.
Fifteen minutes later and you could finally close. You and Junghwan said “bye” to the last customers, then started cleaning the store and preparing it for tomorrow’s first shifters in unusual silence - normally, you’d spend an hour joking around, chasing the other with a mop or spraying water on the other’s face, but today, not a peep could be heard from either of you. You didn’t know what to make of it, but at least, it meant you were done half an hour earlier than usual.
Shivering, Junghwan watched as you hurriedly locked the doors to the coffee shop, wanting to put your gloves on as quickly as possible. It was so warm and toasty inside that stepping outside was like being pushed into a bath of ice water. You were about to start walking to the bus stop, as you always did with Junghwan after the closing shift, but he stopped you.
“Noona, your scarf.” He stepped in front of you and reached out to tighten your scarf, even though it was already snug around your neck. Immediately recalling the proximity you’d been in not even an hour earlier, all you could do was look up at him, mouth slightly agape in surprise. When his eyes met yours, a small grin bloomed on his lips. He kept his hands on your scarf, holding gently there.
“What’s wrong with it?” you asked in a quiet voice, looking down at your scarf so Junghwan couldn’t see your flustered reaction - but something prompted you to meet his eyes once more. 
His grin got wider and unconsciously, you started smiling too. “Nothing,” he admitted, then finally let go of your scarf, and you released a breath at the same time. You followed as he started walking towards the bus stop, hanging your head low so he couldn’t see the smile on your lips. Just like you, his hands were buried in his coat pockets, but you were itching to reach out and grab one of them. You couldn’t stop wondering what his reaction would be.
Then, he sighed contentedly. When you looked up at him, he was smiling too, looking straight ahead of him. The cold had already bit at his cheeks and nose, staining them bright red, and there were slowly melting snowflakes covering his hair. You thought he’d never looked so handsome. It was almost painful, tearing your gaze away from his face.
“It’s so cold, you can see your breath,” he suddenly said, and you laughed. Not because what he’d said was particularly funny or interesting, but because it was such a relief, hearing his voice after long minutes of silence.
“Yeah,” you simply replied, giggling when your gazes met for a brief moment.
When you reached the bus stop, you sat down on the bench while he stood, tracing figures in the snow with his foot. Your heart swelled ten times its size and you couldn’t stop smiling as he wrote your initial, a plus sign and his initial, then encircled them in a heart. You shook your head at him but it made you unreasonably happy.
“Too cheesy?” he asked, smiling so wide that the corners of his eyes crinkled.
“No, I love it,” you replied, giggling, but you meant it.
He sat down next to you, kicking your shoe with his, and you both giggled at nothing. Too soon, his bus came. 
“Noona?” he called out as he stood up, walking towards the bus door. You said nothing but raised your head, waiting for him to go on. “You know how I said there’s someone I like?”
This time, you said nothing because you couldn’t speak. Your heart stopped beating, anticipating his next words. You meekly nodded.
The bus doors opened and he slipped inside, turning back to look at you, that boyish grin you love so much still on his lips.
“It’s you.”
The doors closed and Junghwan headed to a window seat, waving happily at you as the bus took him away, as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on you.
When your shock faded, all that was left was happiness. Junghwan’s sudden confession filled you with a warm, honey-like feeling that settled comfortably in your heart, in your bones, everywhere. The cold January air couldn’t cool you down.
You didn’t stop smiling for a second the whole way home, and you’d never been so excited for your next shift.
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permanent taglist: @k-ingzo @bbujiikseu @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 (ask to be removed/added!) © asahicore on tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate or plagiarize my works. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
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vamossainz55 · 2 years
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The Fight (Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader) - Part 1
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a/n: hey everybody!! so this was requested by anon (as seen above). i did not fully follow the req as the fight wasn't before leaving the GP but the GP is thrown there somewhere. i actually really liked the prompt since its a bit more challenging and i rarely ever write angsty. i have divided it into two parts, so part 2 coming soon! (@ anon pls send another request for part 2 if you want a notif and i will reply to that, but if not i will tag part 2 here). i hope you enjoy bc i had a lot of fun writing this one. hoping to have part 2 up next week! excited to watch zandvoort this weekend, gutted to be in NL and not be able to see it in person. THE FACT THAT I AM MISSING OUT ON SEEING CARLOS IN PERSON? ON HIS BDAY WEEKEND? robbed. very vamossainz55phobic. anyways.. you didn't hear it from me but putting out a danny ric req out soon <3
summary: carlos and you fight for the first time. it doesn't end well.
tw: dickhead carlos, swearing, and honestly kinda sad? it will get better part 2 tho.
enjoy <3<3<3
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The Fight (3.2k words) - part 1
The thing is, you didn’t expect it to be this hard when it started. Looking back though, you should've seen it coming.
It had already been five months since you started dating Carlos and the five months felt both like five minutes and five years. It was crazy how fast time had passed since you had met him and although five months wasn’t that long, you really did feel like you had known him for forever. The memory of you two meeting still made you both laugh because of how random it had been. 
You had been visiting Singapore with some of your friends, around the same time as the Singapore GP, and sure you knew a bit about F1 but not much apart from the basics. You had followed the sport a bit with your dad when you were younger, so you were pretty familiar with the classic names of Lewis Hamilton, Sebastian Vettel, Fernando Alonso, but you had no clue about any of the new and younger drivers. 
The only thing you knew now about F1 was that it was driving you crazy. Every single area in Singapore was crowded, from clubs, to touristy destinations, to restaurants. You had scattered around the city trying your best to get some peace and quiet but the flood of F1 fans practically made it impossible. It’s not like you didn’t want them having fun, but it was frustrating you that it was at the expense of your own vacation. 
To top it all off, it had been rumored that several of the drivers were staying at your hotel which made it practically impossible to get in without being tagged as a fan trying to crash the hotel. 
You quietly waited for the elevator, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at the numbers slowly switching. You were tired and frustrated, having had to argue with the security once again, trying to remind him that you had been staying in the hotel a good two days before the F1 drivers had arrived. Your friends had decided to go out to a club that evening but you were too tired to tag along so there you were, ready to go to bed and sleep in the next morning. 
You hear footsteps coming towards you, assuming that another guest was trying to get to their room too so you give them a quick smile before looking back at the elevator doors. You don’t even realize how frustrated you look with your arms crossed against your chest and your foot gently tapping the floor. You only snap out of it when you hear the stranger speak up. 
“Rough day?” He asks, and you can’t help but give him a brief glance, seeing that he was by himself. You also don’t miss that he was kind of attractive. He had big doe eyes and thick lips along with a nice stubble. 
“Do I look that annoyed?” You ask him, and you notice the slight concern in his eyes and you can’t help but let out a light hearted laugh. “It’s really not that deep,” You say, shaking your head. “This whole Formula One thing has just been a bit of a nuisance.” You explain, taking another glance at him. 
You look over at him a bit and notice that he is wearing gym attire from top to bottom and  a backward facing cap on his head to hide his hair. “Sorry, are you a fan? Like are you here for the race?” You ask and there is a clear apologetic look on your face.
This makes the stranger laugh and you can’t help but furrow your brows. “Yeah- You could say I am here for the race, but don’t worry, I get what you mean. It’s a bit too much sometimes, yeah?” He chuckles just as the elevator door rings. You nod along as you both go inside and you follow along with the conversation when he asks you for any recommendations. 
And that’s how you had met Carlos. You had ranted to him all the way up the elevator, and he had listened and nodded, still wearing an amused smile on his face. “Trust me I like Formula One, I get it, it's fun, but I wanted to enjoy my holiday without a crowd.” You remember telling him and the poor guy had just nodded along. It was only the next day when you were leaving with your friends for brunch that you had spotted him again, still no clue of his name. 
He was wearing a red shirt- or what looked like a jersey, black pants, and he was sporting the same cap as the night before, this time facing forward. The black horse with the yellow emblem with the logo being clear as daylight. As soon as he spotted you he walked over, giving you a small wave. 
You look over his outfit the closer he gets and your eyes slightly drift to the people he was with and although you first thought they were fans it was loud and clear that it was a team. By the time he comes up to you you’re flushed red, completely embarrassed. 
“Why didn’t you tell me you worked for the team? I am so sorry. Oh my god.” You blurt out as soon as he’s near enough and the cackle he lets out only makes your face burn more.
“Hey, I told you I came for the race. It’s not my fault you didn’t ask if I was racing or not,” He says with a grin before looking over at your friends and giving them a smile. 
“Excuse me? You’re racing?” You ask already covering your face. “I am so sorry, seriously. It’s cool that you do all of this.” You try your best to cover up. From your conversation from the night before you were sure he wasn’t offended but what he says next completely takes you by surprise. 
“I mean, you could make it up to me by giving me your number?” He offers with a smile. His tongue is poking out slightly between his lips and you find yourself blushing for a completely different reason. He’s taking out his phone to hand it to you, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. You look at him stunned before your eyes drop to his phone. “I need to give F1 a better rep, you know?” He says before moving his phone closer to you. You take his phone before putting your number in before the others are calling for him and before you properly catch his name he is already running off.
You had chatted a bit the first few months but because of Carlos’ schedule you both did not get to properly start seeing each other until the end of the season. But here you were, seven months later and you both had been properly together for almost five months. The Christmas holiday and pre-season was easy, both of you managing to find time with each other. Luckily you were also living in Spain, having secured a job there a little over a year ago, and it was a dream really. You both indulged in each other’s time and got to know each other quite well. It was all perfect until the next season had started. 
It was fine at first, the first few races were fun, and it was thrilling to see your boyfriend on TV, but after the first few races you realized the excitement of seeing him on TV stopped outweighing the slight pang in your chest from him not being next to you. 
The tension had been building the first few races of the season, and you both knew it. Carlos was starting to get stressed, it was his second year in Ferrari and the pressure had grown tenfold. You tried your best to also be there for him, but as the season progressed you were beginning to feel like every single race was pushing you guys another step further from each other. 
Carlos had just ended his streak of finished races, DNFing in Australia, and as hard as you tried to be there to support him there was only so much you could do through the phone. You kept on telling yourself that it was going to be okay though, you were going to see him for the next race. After some heavy planning and insisting, your manager had finally given you a green light. You had contacted Charles for some help, wanting to surprise your boyfriend and luckily the Monegasque driver had sent you a thumbs up with the photo of your printed out lanyard. 
You had arrived at the hotel the Thursday night, tired but excited to see Carlos after not seeing him for a little over a month. The lanyard was hanging over your neck, Charles having snuck to the lobby to hand it to you. You knock the door nervously, holding the handle of your luggage. There is a faint sound of shuffling before the door opens and you smile widely once you see Carlos. He looks tired and sleepy, his feathery hair fuzzed out, your heart grows two sizes at the sight of him. 
“Surprise,” You say softly with a smile, looking over his face for a reaction. His eyes widen for a bit before a smile is pulling at his lips.
“No way. What?” He asks before he’s pulling you into a hug. You tuck your head easily under his chin. You wrap your arm around his waist and nuzzle your face into his chest. “What are you doing here?” Carlos asks, slowly pulling away to look at you. He barely gives you a moment to look at him before he’s kissing you. 
“God, I did not expect to see you,” He breathes out, beginning to pull you in the room. You drag your luggage in with you, letting go of it only once you’re inside. Carlos shuts the door before he is kissing you again, this time trailing kisses down your neck. You let out a soft sigh, holding onto his arms. 
“Wanted to surprise you,” You say softly, smiling once Carlos pulls away. He gently squeezes your waist before pecking your lips again. 
“Well you did,” He says smiling. For a moment you thought everything was fine, but the rest of the weekend proved otherwise. 
Friday was rough. You were excited that your first race weekend watching Carlos in person followed the sprint format, you were going to watch him in two races over the weekend and you honestly could not wait to see him drive his heart out. You lingered around for a bit around the paddock in the morning, getting to meet a few other drivers and their girlfriends, and it was nice. Practice was intense, and although Carlos did not top the chart your heart still swole to see him up there. 
Qualifying was a different story though, you could feel the tension to a point where it was almost nauseating and you could feel your own nerves crawl up your throat. Q1 looked good, and Q2 was looking promising. Up until you saw a yellow flag flashing across the screen and the team in the garage groan. The moment you realized Carlos had crashed you felt your heart sink. It was clear that he was okay, but you already knew he had been stressed from the previous race. You nervously pinched your bottom lip, stopping yourself from wanting to just walk to the track to go to Carlos yourself no matter how long it would take. 
Instead you waited patiently, standing in the back of the garage as the screen flashed Carlos getting out of the car. You let out a deep breath, deciding to calm yourself down before Carlos saw you. 
When he came back to the garage you let out a breath of relief, just glad to be able to see him. You wait for him to go around the garage, apologizing to the team. Once he had done a round around the garage you see him walk towards you. You give him a small smile, ready to go for a hug but his words practically push you back. 
“You should head back to the hotel yeah?” He asks, not even looking you in the eye. You frown at this and shake your head. 
“No it’s fine, I can stay.” You say, knowing that he probably would have a long debrief that evening. “I don’t mind.” You promise, but you’re met with a cold response.
“Just head back yeah?” He says before he’s turning his back to you to go to the pitwall. You chew the inside of your cheek, watching him walk off. The last thing you wanted was to make a scene in front of his team. 
Call it stubborn but you wait until qualifying is over, you loiter around the garage, and then wait in the hospitality room. You don’t mind really, you just wanted to be there for Carlos. You hadn’t seen him since he had headed to the meeting room to talk, and five hours later you catch him walking with the rest of the team to another room. You give him a soft smile before resting your chin on your hand. 
It’s almost a whole five minutes later when you get a text. 
‘Go to the hotel y/n. I’ll see you there.’ 
That time you chose to listen. 
You fall asleep before Carlos gets back, both physically and emotionally exhausted from the day so the next time you talk to Carlos is when you’re both up to get ready to go for free practice 2 and the sprint race. 
The car ride is a bit silent again and you rest your head against the window as you watch the cars pass by. “How are you feeling about the qualifying?” You ask after a bit, finally mustering the courage to ask for it. 
Carlos shrugs a bit, fixing his sunglasses. “It happened, it was a mistake but it’s okay, we have the sprint to fix it.” Carlos says and you give him a small smile. 
“Yeah, yeah. I can’t wait to see you drive today. It’s not a full race but its the first time I’ll see you race in person.” You smile. Carlos glances over you with a smile before reaching to give your knee a squeeze. 
“I’m glad you’re here.” He promises. 
The spint makes things better. Carlos manages to climb up from P10 to P4 and the moment he comes back to the garage you are engulfed in a tight hug. 
“That was amazing!” You say, smiling from ear to ear. He lets out a soft laugh.
“Could do better but I will definitely be taking P4. after yesterday” He chuckles before giving you a quick peck. 
The evening is a bit nicer this time, you decide to go to the hotel first, a bit grateful that Carlos had given you a rough estimate of when he was going to get back. You wait for him, ready to order room service but when he arrives he’s holding a bag of take out for you along with his own meal prep. 
You both talked over dinner, and although today was better there was a little voice in the back of your head, nagging a bit about the night before, but you decided to bite your tongue back. That was a problem for another day. Unfortunately though, Sunday decided otherwise. 
One thing was to see Carlos crash during Q2, but another thing was to see him end a race before it even started. When you spotted Carlos’ and Daniel’s collision you physically had to hold back a scream, balling up your fist in frustration. By the time Carlos got into the garage the tension was airtight. Nobody thought it was Carlos’ fault, but that didn’t mean the frustration wasn’t there. 
“Just go home,”  Carlos murmurs once he gets to you, after making his second round of apologies that weekend. You look over at him and shake your head. 
“I don’t mind waiting here today. I have nothing to do in the hotel anyways Carlos,” You say, squeezing his hand. “It’s okay,” You say but Carlos is soon pulling his hand away. 
“I don’t mean the hotel. I mean you can go home if you want to.” Carlos says and your face instantly falls. 
“What?” You ask and he’s walking to the back to his driver's room and you follow behind him. “Why would you even offer that?” You ask, shutting the door behind you once you’re both inside. 
“Look, I just, I think you should go home. It doesn’t make sense for you to stay.” Carlos says, looking at his hands.
“Why wouldn’t it make sense for me to stay? I want to be there for you Carlos.” You say, looking over him incredulously. “That’s the whole reason I’m here, I want to support you.” You’re trying to find his eyes but he can’t bring himself to look at you. 
“I don’t need your support y/n. I’m fine.” He says and you know it’s his emotions talking but the words sink into your chest. 
“But we still had our plan for tomorrow and Tuesday still, Charles told me he booked you for those days so I could have some extra time for the race.” You murmur. 
“I don’t have time for that y/n. I need to train and work on the car and talk to engineers. We need to prepare for Miami.” He says, slowly unzipping his suit. 
“Carlos, Miami is in 2 weeks. I know you’re upset but you don’t need to be unreasonable.” You say, starting to feel frustrated. You had tried your best to meet Carlos half way the whole weekend but at this point it felt like you were grasping at straws. 
“I’m not upset y/n. I told you I’m fine.” He says, back facing you. 
“You’ve been upset since Australia. I have been trying to seriously talk to you about this. You barely tell me anything through the phone and I was hoping being here in person would help you open up. Carlos, you need to tell me how you’re feeling. How many times do I need to tell you this?” You ask, finally getting some edge in your voice. The frustration had been building for weeks from all the worrying you had done and you were sick of holding it back. 
“How many times do I need to tell you y/n. I’m fine.” He says and his back is still facing you, and you never thought you would hate seeing the number 55 in front of your face ever. 
“Then look at me when you say that.” You snap. There’s a lull of silence and you go to say something but Carlos cuts you off before you can.
“I didn’t ask you to come here for the race.” He says and this time the words cut a whole through your chest. 
“Seriously?” You murmur, still only facing his back. You give him time to answer and every second only makes the hole in your chest bigger. 
He finally turns around after what feels like hours, giving you a nod.
“I need to go to the pitwall.” He says, and if there is regret on his face you can’t see it since he’s already walking past you and opening the door. You feel tears well up in your eyes and you can’t bring yourself to turn around. 
By the time he gets back to the hotel the only thing left there is his suitcase and your lanyard hanging on the coat rack.
fin.
part 2 linked here
a/n: very angsty and carlos is a dickhead but part 2 is coming !! let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments (or if you want to be tagged in my general f1 taglist <3
f1 taglist: @sgkophie
interested in reading more? here's my masterlist
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melodygatesauthor · 1 year
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Weekly Update - 05/18/2023
Hey all! I think I'm going to start doing weekly updates since I have a lot going on and a lot of fics in the works! I want you to know what I'm currently working on (WIPs) and I'll also toss some life updates in here as well. I'm also going to mention requests I have in the pipeline and when I'm expecting to complete them. Maybe your request is in there! (It probably is)
Going forward the updates will be on Sunday, I'm just doing this now because I have ADHD and it's on my mind today lol.
Since I've been really following the winds of inspiration lately, I want to keep doing that so I'm just putting this here so you know where the winds are blowing lmao.
I'll also mention if I think my current longfic is going to be delayed or anything here as well.
Gonna cut it up into sections to keep it consistent and easy:
Long/Chaptered Fic Updates
Currently I'm working on A Bit Dodgy, as many of you know. There will NOT be an update this Monday (05/22/2023). Though I will be working on it this week for @welcometostayingawake to edit and I'll have it to post by 05/29/2023 (that's the goal). If it's going to be pushed back again, I'll let you all know the Sunday before (05/28/2023).
Mini-series Update
Worth the Risk Part 3 should be out this week. That's the goal anyway. I have a good chunk of it done but there's still a lot to do. <- Still hoping to have this out this week but we will see (05/22/2023)
Uploading The Fractured Moon Part 2 (either tonight or tomorrow yay) Continuing to chip away at The Fractured Moon Part 3
There's a top secret fic series coming out HOPEFULLY this weekend, but it may be next weekend instead depending on how quickly I can get it finished. I'm losing my mind over it. (It's a 3 parter and all 3 parts are coming out at the same time teehee) <- Editing that today 05/22/2023. Hope to be done with it by tonight!
In June there's a writing challenge for Pride that @flightlessangelwings is putting on and I'm working on my fic for that so I'll be announcing more for that fic once I have the details better outlined!
Fool Me Twice should be getting a part 2 soon. I'm hoping I'll feel inspired to at least start it this week but maybe not. <- Taking this off the list for this week. Focusing on ABD and requests (05/22/2023).
Still considering doing 2 other parts for The OJ Problem but honestly, it's not that exciting to me rn. Since it's more of a Valentine's Day fic I might consider just doing those next year. <- Taking this off the list for this week. Focusing on ABD and requests (05/22/2023) will probably just put this on for next year for valentine's day.
Requests
I still have a sizeable amount of requests. REQUESTS ARE STILL CLOSED CURRENTLY. If your request is in blue, that means I'm going to try to work on it this week (05/21-05/27). If it's in pink, I'm going to try to work on it a different week. It's taking me a while to get into the headspace for some of them so thank you for your patience. Green means it's done I'm just working on editing now. They are posted in no real order, just working on them as I feel inspired to.
Blue Jones X f!Reader requested by @saraicus
There are 2 prompts in particular that I liked from the list you sent so I'll be doing them. - His eyeliner running down as he’s banging you against his desk - You’re a new patient and he just grows overprotective towards you. Doesn’t want you to meet other men and keeps you in solitary confinement for his jealousy sake.
Moon Boys X f!Reader by @ravenz-hope
Gamer reader and the boys getting angsty over her being too obsessed with the game (most relatable thing ever) <- Haven't had the time to set up the post but this will be coming out very soon. Need to finish editing as well (05/22/2023)
Moon Boys X f!Reader by @simpforbritgents
Asking for something like Feeling Flustered where the moon boys are doing guided phone sex.
Moon Boys X f!Reader by @mercuryrosesixx
Moon Boys w/ a f!Reader w/ nipple piercings. <- Started working on headcanons (05/22/2023).
Marc Spector X f!Reader by @blueflowerhat
Marc shower sex based on AI prompt.
Steven Grant X f!Reader by Anon -
Steven and Reader are both virgins. Marc is guiding/coaching Steven.
Doctor Marc Spector X Patient Reader by @burnincrown
Role Reversal (sort of) of Not a Doctor - Marc is the doc, reader is the patient and he takes advantage - Dark Fic
Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by @campingwiththecharmings
This is the prompt that hit me like a Nathan-shaped mac truck! -> “if you don’t like my teasing why are you moaning”
Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by Anon
Cam girl reader x Nathan - Nathan turns to a cam girl, he's been kinda stalking her. (Excited hehe)
That's it for right now. I'm a busy lady as usual but I like having a few different projects going at once! More coming soon! Thanks for always being so awesome and supportive. Love you all!
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callsign-rockstar · 2 years
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Rulebreaker - R. Floyd x fem reader
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•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•
An ex-aviator has very strict rules with herself about dating pilots. She was still working with them though, and between her job as a flight analyst and strategist as well as being a waitress at the Hard Deck on weekends, she sees a lot of them. One night, however, a specific pilot draws her attention and she is on the brink of breaking the rules for him ;)
•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•
pairing: robert 'bob' floyd x fem!ex-aviator
word count: 2.4k
warnings: none really, maybe mentions of past cheating (not bob) and mentions of alcohol.
requested by: @cfvgbhndun
a/n: hey guys! this was another request (I love ur requests seriously) and im so excited to say that I loved writing it so much that this will be split into 3 parts (I think, I just dont wanna make one post super duper long and I really wanna expand upon this one). anyway, I really hope y'all enjoy this hehe
•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•
The bar was quiet and alone. Lunchtime had just passed and the Hard Deck always closed for a couple hours before opening at 5:30 sharp for the night. Penny was out with Amelia trying to fix something or another on their boat, and y/n found herself humming her favorite song while wiping down tables and putting chairs in their place. Penny had profusely apologized for having to leave her alone for an hour, but the truth was that Y/n loved both Penny and Amelia as her own family, so she really didn’t mind. 
After serving 12 years in the navy, she had decided to go into the inactive reserve. She worked at the Top Gun offices as a flight analyst and strategist during the week, as she still adored everything about strategizing in the most efficient ways possible. Weekends, she went to the Hard Deck to work the nights after visiting Top Gun and dropping off treats for everyone in the morning. There was no real reason she needed to be there in the mornings, but she just really loved her co-workers and all the people at Top Gun, so it was something that all of them looked forward to on Saturday mornings. 
Her earbuds were in and she danced around the bar, strands of her hair falling out from the low bun she had gathered it into so she could get things done without it in her face. She went into the kitchen, making sure everything was in order for when the cooks came in. It wasn’t necessarily her responsibility, but she always liked to help out the people and places she really cared about.
A tap tap at the glass paned door that led to the terrace prompted her to open it for Penny. Whenever she was alone in the bar, Penny adamantly urged her to keep the doors locked so she would feel safe being in there alone. It was a precaution that both of them agreed on, but the security personnel also happened to be amazingly comforting to her, so she never exactly felt unsafe anyway. 
Because she was a flight analyst, she had been working with Vice Admiral Simpson the past few weeks to come up with ways to fly a mission that she had been told was highly classified. Because of that, she didn’t really know what was up with it, and she didn’t know that a few familiar faces would be turning up later that evening. 
“Hey Penny! How’s the boat?” Y/n asked.
“We were able to get it up and running with a little help from the mechanics,” replied Penny, walking into the Hard Deck and taking off her sunglasses with one hand. The other was letting down her hair which had been in a ponytail, considering the heat of the day. The way the bar seemed alive even with only three people in it never ceased to amaze Y/n, it seemed magical, and that’s why she kept coming back to California, specifically here. It all seemed laced with magic, a normal naval town with a little bit of glitter dusted around every corner.
“Need help with that?” asked Y/n, seeing Amelia sitting down at a table with a physics textbook. 
“Yes, actually. We have a test next week and this stuff is just going in one ear and out the other,” replied Amelia with a smile.
“Penny, I finished cleaning the floors and dusting the stuff on the walls. Also, I pulled out the stepladder to do a bit of dusting for the things on the ceiling and pushed in all the chairs. Aaand I went into the kitchen to make sure everything was in order for when the kitchen staff came in,” said Y/n, making sure Penny heard the things she’d done so she had a justifiable excuse to help Amelia for a while.
“You know I only asked you to sweep and make sure the chairs were tucked in, right?” Penny asked with a smile.
“I know, I know. Just couldn’t help myself,” replied Y/n.
“You, Y/n y/l/n, are an angel,” said Penny, giving Y/n a hug before going back to her bar and leaving Amelia with her.
“So you have a test on aerodynamics next week?,” asked Y/n, glancing at the open textbook that sat in front of the girl. Amelia nodded, a little worried.
“You came to the perfect person for help! This will be a piece of cake once you see it like this…” began Y/n.
After about 45 minutes, Amelia understood. She still needed some practice, but she was doing much better than the day before when she could barely understand the words coming out of her teacher’s mouth.
“Thank you, Y/n. You don’t know how much that helped!” said Amelia, throwing her arms around Y/n’s neck.
“Any time, honey!” said Y/n with a laugh. There was only about half an hour left until opening time, so Amelia needed to be taken to her friends house. 
“I’ll drive her, Penny,” said Y/n, seeing how the other employees were coming back and Penny clearly had a lot on her plate to organize.
“Thank you,” Penny mouthed to Y/n, after giving a goodbye hug and a kiss to her daughter.
“Come on, Ames,” said Y/n, opening the front door of the Hard Deck.
Hopping into Y/n’s car, Amelia practically begged to put the top down.
“Please, Y/n/n! It’s the weekend! And it’s so fun when the top is down,” said the girl.
“Can’t say no, top down it is!” exclaimed Y/n with a smile.
The might not have physically looked like sisters, but they sure acted like them. They were singing in sync, smiling as the sun was setting and the wind was blowing in their hair. It was scene pulled straight out of a movie and neither of them could have asked for a better 15 minutes.
Somewhere not too far away in a small apartment, Robert Floyd was getting ready to head to the Hard Deck. He had just gotten out of the shower, wiping off the fogged up mirror in his bathroom while securing a white towel around his waist. He grabbed his glasses and put them on, finding his attempts to push them higher up the bridge of his nose unsuccessful because his face was still damp and the bathroom was very humid. He opened the door that connected the bathroom to the bedroom to try and get the steam out of the bathroom, even opening the window above the shower to get some air flow. A thin layer of sweat was beginning to form on his body, making him feel slightly frustrated because he had to be out the door in 20 minutes max if he wanted to make a good impression on his flight mates and be there early. 
After pulling on his khaki uniform and fixing his name tag, he combed his hair to perfection and gelled it back so it would stay in place all night. He sprayed on his cologne and brushed his teeth, making sure to look as put together as possible for tonight.
Y/n pulled into the side parking lot where all the employee spots were, backing her car into one of them. She opened the door that led into the kitchen and made her way into the Hard Deck.
“Evening, everyone!” She exclaimed, waving and all the cooks.
She was in a little bit of a hurry because Penny probably needed an extra pair of hands to get everything in order.
“How was the car ride?” Penny asked.
“It was great, Amelia is seriously the best,” laughed Y/n.
“You need any help?” she asked.
“Um, I would love for you to help me by just relaxing for a sec. You’ve been helping out all afternoon and it’s gonna be busy tonight, so I’d rather have you rest for a couple minutes and just relax before the show begins,” Penny said, patting her on the back and sitting her down at the bar.
Y/n knew there was no point in arguing, so she sat down and said hi to everyone who passed by.
The bar began to fill up with people, familiar faces greeted the staff and new ones walked in with looks of fascination. The Hard Deck always had that effect on people, one of wonder and a certain belief in its magic.
Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell was definitely not one of the people Y/n expected to see. They had seen each other over the years at naval events and had worked on some projects together, but she certainly didn’t think he’d be back here. Especially not after that one time he came to teach her Top Gun class and was fired, like, the next day.
“Captain Mitchell! Long time no see! What brings you down here?” she asked him.
“Very nice to see you, y/cs! I’m down here because I really messed up this time. You’ll find out soon enough,” replied Pete with a long sigh and a tired but sincere smile.
She was far too busy to continue talking to him, taking orders from her designated area of the bar, so she waved at him and went back to work. She and the rest of the servers had a good system going in which a group of two or three servers each took on a different sector of the bar. It worked out great for them because it wasn’t as overwhelming as having to walk around the entire place taking orders. 
All her questions about Pete’s strange comment were answered when she saw a guy in a khaki uniform walk into the Hard Deck. She couldn’t help but follow him with her eyes. He was very handsome and she couldn’t deny it: that neat hair was begging to be messed with and those gold frame glasses just needed to get lost in a pile of clothes beside a bed. Preferably hers.
She hadn’t really registered he was a pilot until she snapped out of her daydream and noticed her bottom lip was between her teeth. She had a strict rule against getting with aviators, ever. After years of dealing with them and their douchebag attitudes, she’d learned to not make that mistake again.
Her first serious boyfriend was a boy she met in the naval academy. She was actually in love with him, but he shattered her heart for the first time by completely ghosting her after months of dating. Then, another pilot had cheated on her, and so on. Pilots loved the thrills in life and thought they were the smartest people on earth, but none of them knew how to handle something as fragile as a heart. She thought it was ironic and even a little funny, because they were able to flawlessly fly those jets, operate such majestic beasts with scary precision and yet they didn’t know what to do with a person who’d placed their soul in their hands. But she was over them and knew she couldn’t make that mistake again.
As the evening progressed, she continued to see other aviators pour in through the doors of the Hard Deck. None had pulled her eyes the way that the very first one did, and even though she kept minding her own business, she honestly couldn’t get him out of her head.
All the sudden, she heard Penny’s voice call out for her.
“Y/n, will you help me out here? I need to go check something in the kitchen and I can’t leave the bar here alone,” she explained.
“Of course I will! Take your time,” she answered.
Slipping in behind the bar, she pressed down her black skirt flush against her thighs, sighing and taking the orders of people around her. One man who frequented the bar and was very nice asked for his regular, asking Y/n how she was doing.
Then, a not so familiar face popped up behind her. He waited patiently to be served, and Y/n turned around to meet the gaze of the aviator she’d had her eyes on ever since he walked in. She practically sank into his deep blue eyes, trying not to seem like she was falling deeply into them. The smell of a fresh but not overpowering cologne spilled over the bar and pulled her senses into him even more. She was already drowning in him and he hadn’t even said a word. 
“Hi! Can I have a… a beer please?” he asked. She could tell he was nervous, and obviously he wasn’t very good at hiding it, hands fidgeting and looking for something to occupy themselves with. 
“Of course,” replied Y/n. She could see he was about to set his phone down on the bar. She debated whether she should warn him and decided she should so as to save him an embarrassing first impression on the rest of the pilots. But mainly, it was because she really did like him and she really didn’t want to see his pretty face riddled with shame.
“Careful! Penny wouldn’t let that slide and I certainly will not either,” she said, pointing at the wooden sign.
“Oh, thanks! That would have been terribly embarrassing,” he said with the most gorgeous smile Y/n had seen. It was taking her every muscle to hold back, she wanted so badly to kiss him right then and there. But the battle scars she had from boys like him, who started out sweet and then turned bitter were already one too many. So she turned around and poured a beer from the tap before she had time to change her mind.
“Here’s your beer, lieutenant,” she said, returning the smile and noticing a pink color rising on the man’s cheeks. Pulling rank on these pilots that were all at least a little bit full of themselves always worked, even if they were barely just lieutenants still. 
A quick thank you and he was gone. Penny was back and Y/n decided she needed a second outside, alone. She noticed the stark contrast between the noisy inside and the quiet outdoors. She could hear the muffled sound of people talking, the laughter and the music. She didn’t, however, notice a certain aviator’s eyes following her as she walked outside. If anything, this was just a fun way to pass the time while the aviators were in town. But nothing more… or that’s what she hoped, anyway. She couldn’t make any promises about not breaking the rules for this pilot.
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shiroxix · 28 days
Text
gonna just vent for a minute into the void
My meds were just postponed for another few weeks and now I'm not getting them until the 30th. This is inconvenient, but doable. It just means I have to live with my symptoms for the first time in a long time. I've been crying about it all day.
I am actually more upset because next weekend is ACEN and I have a lot planned for it. I'm going with some friends for the first time and we have a room together. I was looking forward to it so much. Still am, just a little bummed out that my once a year thing I get the most excited about now has this pall of (more) pain and (more) fatigue over it.
I don't know what to do mentally. All I can do is take NSAIDs, exercise, and try to keep my mind off it since depression and stress make my symptoms worse. I need to just enjoy things where I can. I'm just in so much pain it's hard to like... be positive.
I am almost a month away from when I was supposed to get my infusion. My pain has gotten worse every day. More constant, higher level of pain. I've also seen my fatigue increase, and my mobility suffer. I hadn't really realized how much my treatment was doing for me. I thought some of my symptoms being more manageable was from losing 46 pounds, but... turns out I am just disabled. Chronically. Almost like that's how disability works.
Anyway, bless the people on my medical team trying to do what they can for me, and I wish whoever denied me access to my meds I've been on for 3 years and started this lengthy appeal process a very stub your toe and cry about it.
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1d1195 · 1 month
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It makes me so sad to know you don’t love Dryer sheets as much anymore :( but like I said I don’t blame you for feeling like this. It definitely felt at times when mean anons would come at you, you had to constantly defend your story and it can be tiring to do that! But I hope that you can learn to appreciate/love them again because in the end writing should be enjoyable!
No I completely get what you mean about you not perceiving your writing being suspenseful! It is coming from your brain so you already like know the outcome so I get it! Kinda hard to explain but I GET the vibe lol
And bestie I’ve has a busy weekend so far but in a fun way! LET ME CATCH YOU UP!!!
Okay so I think I have another cute TA…. NOW HERE ME OUT GIRL!!! So it’s for another PSYC class and this particular TA has been gone for about 2ish weeks bc he’s been in another country the entire time lol BUT he came back this week and he lectured and Sam he’s kinda cute!! Like he’s definitely a bit nerdy but when he speaks his VOICE😩 and he’s obviously so smart but he’s so like “chill” about it that it doesn’t come off as he’s trying time done his smartness if that makes sense! And he has the cutest laugh😩 anyways that was a something lol I feel like wining for having two hot TAs but ngl I’m still longing for my hot ex-professor 😔
And I went to a drag show last night which WAS FUN!!! And today I went to a bunch of record stores for Record store day! It was so fun and I got some records that I’ve been wanting!
How was your week? What’s been something you’ve enjoyed the most in your break? Also HOW ARE YOU MY LOVE?!
Hope you are just so well and relaxing! Miss you! And I love you lots!-💜
I think I still love them, they just felt like a chore to write about toward the end. But now they're a couple and in love so they should be fluffy and fun to write about 😉
I have no doubt you have multiple cute TAs. It'll make class worth going to--although, now that I think about it, when does this round of classes end? Do you take summer classes or will you get to break and enjoy down time? I feel like you've mentioned something about the summer already and I truthfully can't place what you said in my brain. ANYWAY. All your cute TAs and hot professors will just get stored into my files for TA Harry so please keep it coming. I don't think there is anything sexier than a guy being extremely intelligent but not bragging about it nor making you feel like an idiot (personal experience, not trying to call you an idiot 😂😂). AND A CUTE LAUGH I'D BE AT HIS FEET IN THE MIDDLE OF A LECTURE.
WHAT A NICE WEEKEND! What kinds of records did you get? I totally missed the boat on getting back into records. I have my one Harry's House record for target and no where to play it hehehe My week was good! I finished my book early--it turned out to be better about halfway through. It was about three sisters who are witches. Really cool stuff! I think my favorite part of my week was shopping--I got a lot of cute clothes for the spring/summer that I'm hoping I'll feel comfortable in--I've mentioned it before but heat and I don't really mesh so I find it really distressing and difficult to dress in the summer. Topped with some body image issues 🙃 Well anyway--it was a very productive and relaxing week/break! School will be really busy the for the next month and I'm lowkey dreading it. I think I'm going to be writing off schedule a bit in the month of May and beginning of June. I have Ding part 3 ready for tomorrow which I'm excited about 💕
Hope you have a relaxing Sunday and a good start to your week!
xoxo
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whentherewerebicycles · 11 months
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today is my first full non-workday alone in over three weeks and I give myself full permission to savor it without any guilt or sense of obligation to anyone. here are some things I’d like to do:
read the last 40 pages of ninth house
get a decent ways into nona the ninth so I don’t interrupt my novel-reading rhythm. I might take my hammock somewhere to read later tbd as I find that putting my phone out of reach and having dedicated hammock time is a good way to jumpstart the next book
last night I started messing around with an old WIP that I meant to finish for a fest last summer but didn’t, which I still think has some interesting stuff in it (not to mention about 20k of existing draft material to work with). I can’t tell if I’m intrigued enough by it to start the revision process but I do notice that every time I open the draft doc I end up adding to it, so idk. I also have this other purely self-indulgent fantasy AU that has just been a fun world to play in for the last couple weeks when I needed a distraction, so I might tinker around with that a bit more too. so maybe I’ll sit out on the deck at some point with my laptop and play play play for a bit
I want to cook something, probably while on the phone with liz… she sent me a cookbook recently that I liked a lot and I want to try a few of the small plates recipes from it either today or tomorrow
on a related note I want to sit down and do some journaling about the next steps in my learning to cook journey. I’m at the point where I feel confident in my ability to execute easy to moderately complex recipes well & with consistent results—ie if I make the same dish multiple times it’ll taste reasonably good the first time, better the second time when I incorporate the modifications I came up with, and pretty consistently good every time I make it after that. I also feel like once I read a recipe all the way through I don’t need to consult it very often during the cooking process because I’m less focused on what’s on the page and am instead tasting and testing and monitoring what’s happening with the food & adjusting accordingly. but I would really like to become the kind of cook who can look at the ingredients at hand & prepare a meal without a recipe or with only the loose outlines of a recipe based on my understanding of how things fit together and what the components of a good meal are. and I think in order to level up in that way I will really have to sit down and start designing some structured learning challenges for myself, and I’ll also need to build in lots of metacognitive writing along the way to make sure I’m consolidating what I’m learning and applying it to future situations. anyway this is the kind of self-teaching/learning design work I love and I am excited to spend some time thinking about it this weekend.
nice long walk with the dogs… maybe on the off leash trail in the “weekend woods” aka the nearby trail system I for some reason only visit on weekends even though it’s like a 3 min drive from my house lol. Pip will love that
that’s it today is just a day of rest and play!!
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m0ther-of-p3arl · 3 months
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heyyyyyyyy bestie!!!!!!
Guess what time it is!
*opens the alftl document with a menacing grin*
-
Jokes aside sorry it took so long to get around to working on it, had some burnout issues with another fandom and am juggling like....9? Last time I counted multiple chapter fics?
But hey! I have returned. Don't have any snippets yet because I like just started but thought I would come to apologize and let you know It's NIT DEAD IM JUST SLOW-
Also about to go read the most recent atgdtiags chapter. I've been putting it off for a day because I know for a fact your about to make me cry and I need to read it where no one will be able to hear my predicted screaming! I'll let you know how that adventure goes when in the comments when I finish.
Anyway thanks for letting me tube you in
-one of your favorite tumblr mutuals
Salt :)
(ALSO I WILL GET AROUND TO ANSWERING ASKS IV'E JUST BEEN VERY BUSY WITH A COMPETITION THIS WEEKEND AND SCHOOL WORK BUT IM GOING YO ANSWER THEM ..today? hopefully....)
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO :0000 SO SUPER EXCITED!!!! ARGH!!!!!
oh my god the next chapter. dont worry, its not that bad... i went back to camp for etho & co pov and left yall on a cliffhanger with the whole water situation Because I Wanted To :3
(YEAH NO WORRIES I HAVENT ANSWERED ANY ASKS IN LIKE A LITERAL WEEK AND AUUUGHHHH...... i've had no time and also burnout and also just. fucking stupid-ass executive disfunction hate it hate it hate it)
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brightgnosis · 1 year
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Anyways. That out of the way, now, and my breakfast Cereal consumed: My Husband got VHE'd from work this morning. So he now basically gets a 3 day weekend and that's super lovely 🥰 The only downside is that he has to work 4 days straight in one of his least favorite departments next week. But then he gets another 3 day weekend after that- and we have a "Game Night" planned with @thegothiccrafter and her partner that same weekend. So it all makes up for it.
Craftie also let me know about a potential job opening that looks like it may actually be something I could finally do around here with my disabilities. So I'm going to call in my scripts I need refilled this morning as soon as my Pharmacy finally opens, and then look at the application and give it a go.
Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out and I don't get the job at all. Semi-crap scenario, I get the job and I wind up not being able to actually do the work for very long and have to quit (which would suck, but certainly wouldn't be the first time it's happened). Best case scenario, it works out amazing and we can get my medical debt paid off finally, my name finally changed, and the hell out of this crappy basement way faster finally ... But I'll never know unless I try!
Literally my only real hope is that they'll be willing to work with me on the two days "off" that I'll need a month to still keep up my commitments to the Master Gardeners and the Iris Garden Club ... Because I worked too damned hard to get into them in the first place- especially with my disabilities- in order to pull out now; I don't mind abandoning the committees I signed up for because of the job if I get it. But I really don't want to have to abandon the Club or the Organization altogether, or have to go provisional in them.
And even then, I don't really need those days completely off; MG only meets for two hours in the morning of the first Thursday each month year round. And IGC only meets September through May around noon on the second Tuesday. So I just need "leniency" / flexible scheduling on those days.
Wish me luck. If I get it, this'd literally be my first job in a decade save for the absolutely hellish three years I worked for my mother after my Husband and I married (which I will not be using on my resume). So I'm both terrified and excited.
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iwannaban0nym0us · 8 months
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Ok, i've had a hell of a weekend (in a good way for once!)
So we had an off season robotics comp this past weekend and most of the senior leads couldn't make it so I was in charge of fabrication on my own for the first time,,,
Anyway, we barely had any time leading up to the comp and our telescoping arm was broken from the end of last season and so fab was like "ok, let's just duct tape it and do cube shooting" but design was very against that and decided to come in during lunches to get it done, and every time they would complain about it or push back the deadline fab would suggest to duct tape it
Now cut to Friday morning (day of load-in): I have a class in the shop and I find 2 design people still trying to fix the arm (that they supposedly fixed last week) and apparently it was fixed but it broke the day before and they just like didn't tell anyone
Now while that is still happening I have to go to my block 2 class and have a test, yay!
Next, lunch, that was a lot:
me and 2 friends had to practice our presentation that we were to give the next day at the comp about our team's outreach
then we see a message that says that programming hasn't finished packing so we go to check in on them and they are just finishing up packing
and then we stop by the shop again and find design still trying to fix the arm, and this time we bring a programmer with us to again try to convince them to just duct tape the arm (they say no and that it'll be done in 5min, it was not done in 5min)
after that I finally have time to eat but idk where my friends have gone but I do end up finding M on their own in the courtyard and so I go talk to them while I eat
I end up finding out that they just realized that A most likely does like them (romantically), and uh that's not something they're excited about
and so I give them an excuse to avoid A the rest of lunch and just talk to me and I also mention that the robotics comp is at the high school really close to their house and if they wanted to I'd be happy if they came
first class after lunch I have calc and at this point I have not had a break all day and so since my calc teacher spent the entire time talking to the board and going over the hw I end up just skipping half of class and it was an all around win-win scenario because, I missed nothing, he didn't care, I got a bit of a break, and I helped out some friends who had physics that block
then i've got one more class and it's pretty chill and i'm able to leave a few min early to go to the shop and start packing
then 3-4pm I frantically pack the van (w/ help) and try to make sure we don't leave anything behind and I also task some people w/ collecting tools from shop (since we can't do that till last minute because they're needed for classes. At this point as far as i'm aware the robot is working
then once we get there we have 5 of us to unpack all of the heavy stuff and move it all the way to the pit and get it all set up and all of that
and then,,, I find out that the arm is not working and so I try again to convince design to duct tape it but instead they spend at least another 30min trying to get it to work
at like 6pm they're supposedly almost done and so we put our team in for inspection and while we're getting inspected the inspector tries to trick us w/ a typo and we don't call him out because we're all too polite to flat out tell him he's wrong
after that we get part of the arm working but then find a new problem that they keep trying to fix until about 7pm when they FINALLY give up on the arm and agree to duct tap it so that we can go to a practice match
the practice match goes horribly wrong, everyone has a new role (except one guy) and so I don't realize that I know more about what needs to happen than other people (because I barely know what I should be doing) and so we forget how to set up our robot before the match and also don't plug in our controls right, but we do make it to a match and back to the pit just barely before 8 so that's something
unfortunately the day doesn't end there,,, I end up speing from like 8-10 coordinating getting 3 people to give a presentation the next day because the seniors who were supposed to give it were sick/not going in the first place so that was a mess
at like 11pm i finally go to bed (after literally doing stuff nonstop all day)
and then the next morning i'm back at comp at 7:15!
our programmers end up showing up just barely before our first match queuing time, along w/ the guy that might be able to get the arm to work, and so the arm stays duct taped
our first match i let the other guy human player (a drive team role) but I end up having to go up and make sure they do the pre-match stuff right and don't make the same mistakes as friday, oh and after the match they forget to turn the robot off
then for the 2nd match since stuff didn't go so great in the first one i human player and everything goes smoothly
as soon as that is over i have to go give that presentation on outreach which went pretty good
the rest of the morning is spent playing matches w/ a duct taped arm but in between matches people keep trying (and then giving up) on fixing the arm, then finally give up for good at lunch
then that afternoon M ends up coming and they watch a match w/ me explaining what is going on and then I show them around the pit and also the follow me to a strategy talk and then we play one more match (which I human player) and then M has to go, but it was really fun to hang out w/ them and things finally feel really good between us
the rest of the afternoon is pretty chill (which is good because the day wore me out) and we play one more match and then i go home at 5 and crash
and then the next morning i'm back at 7:15!
the morning starts of chill, lots of down time not that we'd given up on the arm, and we play a match that goes about as well as it can while still losing
then we have a match that doesn't go as well,,, we get hit hard and pull out some wires which cut power to half of our motors and then we have a very fast turn around time before our next match but we make it work, by the end of that we're ranked 37/42 which isn't as bad as we did during regular season but it's also not great
after that we have a bit of downtime before alliance selection, during alliance selection we're doubting we'll be picked but we don't rule it out entirely, AND THEN WE GET PICKED AS THE 3rd TEAM FOR ALLIANCE 2 (meaning we're with 2 of the best teams but also we were the 23 team picked out of the 24 teams picked, but then again this is better than the team has done since 2018!!!!!!)
as soon as that is done the tech leads go back to pit and i reinforce duct tape in a few spots and then I come back to talk to the drive team to hear the plan, then I rush to eat lunch well spam texting people and being very :DDDDDDDD
then the afternoon is hella hectic, we play 4 more matches, in the first one we lose because the alliance captain has their battery on the floor the whole match and we also have some wiring issues but at least our battery stays in the bot, after that they want to trade us off the team but we convince them to let us stay and we win the next 2 matches
and then for the last match (quarterfinals i think?) they tell us not to do much during the game because they think we'll get in the way, and guess what, we end up losing that match, so then we go pack up the pit so loading the van at the end of the day will be faster
so then we chill a bit and watch awards and once everything wraps at 4 we load the van and I finally get home at like 5 and can crash
i'm so glad that i had monday tuesday off because i could sleep in and like recover (oh and also do hw :/)
anyway i had a college board test today and then got to hang out w/ my friends for a bit and grab lunch before I came home to finish my hw, but really i'm chilling, my friends are doing ok, me and M are doing good, and i'm def still riding that robotics high
the lesson we really really really need to learn is that when we used the complicated arm that broke a ton we didn't do great but when we duct taped the arm and focused on one thing and made it simpler WE GOT PICKED FOR PLAYOFFS
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timeoverload · 8 months
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I didn't really do anything exciting this weekend so that's why I haven't said much the past couple days. Today was alright for a Monday. I had a tough time waking up this morning. I felt great for the first 2 hours I was at work but then I started hurting again so that was annoying. I also had a pile of instruments to redo at my station when I got there but I was so busy that I didn't even get to it and I'm not sure when I will have time. I had 30 cases again and I had to run a lot. I finally got my adjustable table for my station after waiting like 10 months and that made me happy. I had to spend most of my afternoon setting it up in between my other tasks. It's still a mess because I don't have enough storage space now but I will just figure that out tomorrow morning. I stayed a little late but I still got out of there before 6 so that was ok. It could have been worse. It made me feel good to hear some people say they missed me at least. Everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood.
I requested the 17th off so I hope that gets approved. I said I had a doctors appointment. I can take more time off if I need to but I might just go to work the next day. I guess we'll see how things go. I wish we didn't have to wait 3 more weeks but there's nothing I can do about it unfortunately. I really hope we can talk this time without confusion but we need to work together. It would be helpful if you could avoid sending me mixed messages when you are talking to me because it is confusing and makes me anxious. I will do my best to communicate more clearly about what I'm thinking and how I feel. I will say something since you aren't able to. I think I might explode and have an episode if I don't say something. I'm not sure how but it's actually going to happen this time. I don't want to feel crazy and sad anymore and I don't want you to feel that way either. I really want things to work out. I remember saying I didn't want to wait until October to be with you but here we are. I'm still going to keep trying and hoping for the best. I've stepped out of my comfort zone a lot just to come see you and spend time with you. I'm committed and I'm not giving up on you. I know that there's no one else that I would rather be with and I'm always thinking of you. There have been times that you have upset me but I always forgive you. It's difficult for me to stay mad at you for very long. I love you no matter what. It's pretty obvious to me that we're meant to be together. We've spent a long time chasing each other and we deserve to be happy. 💖
Anyway, I'm getting tired already. I'm not that hungry but I'm going to make myself eat a bagel or something. I should have gone to the store after work to get more food but my back hurt too much. I will have enough food for tonight at least. I'm going to relax the rest of the night and try not think about tomorrow. I will try to make it a good day. Thanks everyone for listening and I hope you all have a good day tomorrow too.
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landthatplane-blog · 2 years
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Post-race ramblings today…one day I’ll attempt to be more succinct.
To start, Daniel drove really well today, despite the car. I think he really showed his race craft, experience and skills. Despite the unfortunate ending, it felt clear his form is still there. Post-race he seemed pretty down (not surprising, after the few weeks and months he’s had) but I hope he regains some confidence and spirit. He’s a damn good driver. For someone who’s won and podiumed while never really being in a true race winning car - and has shown his talent and abilities, I truly believe he’s someone who has earned his wins and accomplishments. When opportunities arrived, he took them and created results. The most wholesome thing ever was Pierre Gasly showing Daniel such support today! He complimented Daniel over and over again today and repeatedly pointed out Daniel made no mistakes. The respect Daniel’s competitors and friends have for him says something. Pierre mentioned it with Buxton, in the Alpha Tauri post-race video and his own IG! Between him, George, Lewis and Seb - and I’m sure others - I hope Daniel feels the love and support! I hope he’s able to regain and build back confidence. Today’s race showed his skills and form.
I hope he takes the next two weeks off to be with family and friends. Know he’ll be making some big decisions. I hope there’s an opportunity for him that he’s excited about, and I hope they’re excited about him. What a shitty few months it’s been and there’s still a few more months to go.
Now, for the frustrating part of the weekend. As usual, I’ve never argued that McLaren had and has the right to make changes. The results haven’t been there, the car clearly doesn’t suit, but also the car is a tractor.
To be clear, not trying to make this personal when speaking about Lando, I’m trying to point out McLaren’s behavior.
McLaren isn’t even fighting for the championship this year. The year started with car isn't where it needs to be, we're a team...to Daniel isn't performing. Why does it seem like McLaren always feel the need to have Lando ahead of Daniel, at basically any cost? It just feels gross. Probably why seeing Daniel’s start today (whether it was Lando’s machinery, luck or skill) felt so satisfying! They literally couldn’t ask Daniel to hold position at a start. Started to think about how often we hear on the team radio Daniel being asked to hold position/give up the position. Has anyone compiled from this year every team radio asking Daniel to hold position, or switch positions sacrificing his own races? Just curious how often it’s happening.
Again it feels like they never address it. Viewers and fans call it out. Even Daniel doesn’t address it and is usually very diplomatic. It just feels maddening sometimes.
Fact is Lando is outperforming the car and Daniel, plus a combination of bad car/luck and it’s created a tsunami of a bad narrative.
Just a thought though -
In general - wish they’d just let them race!
Just asking for fairness in competition. Maybe the narrative wouldn’t be so damning for Daniel. Mostly, this is on Twitter, where the narrative is so toxic and visceral and all people write is that he’s washed, which just lacks such nuance. As Daniel has said, constructive criticism is one thing, telling him to leave the sport is another.
The narrative is Daniel isn’t performing but again very little mentioned about 1) the car 2) McLaren’s strat calls and 3) bad luck. Lastly, it feels like they courted a race winning driver to join their team but then did very little to take in his experience (10+ years) and actually help develop a better car, period. I get it, they’ve thrown in with their future, but sometimes I wonder - if they’d developed a car with his input - and yes, adapting more to his style (and helping McLaren change their notoriously difficult car to drive) - what could have been? Maybe it could have also better suited Lando too. What if, right?
Anyways, I hope he finds the opportunity he’s happy with. I want him to find a team that supports him. I hope there’s a great reward for both his skills, and who he is as a competitor and person.
Or as Susie Wolff has said "Sport is brutal. That's why you need to be ruthless, competitive. But I don't believe that to be successful you need to be an asshole."
Daniel has been a class act. Knowing he spoke to Oscar Piastri and Mark Webber also shows a kindness and maturity, and that he’s, Datsu again, a fantastic competitor and human.
Wishing the best for him! He deserves it.
♥️♥️♥️
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brunchbitch · 1 year
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Update of sorts
Just got through my first week of classes (second to last semester!) and I’m not crazy about 2 out of 3 professors, but oh well. All of them seem like hard asses and tough graders so that’ll be interesting. I’m jealous that so many of my classmates are graduating in May but the trade off was a much more manageable fall schedule. Idk.
I’ve been doing well-ish with cutting down on weed. A couple weeks ago right after the new year I tried to go back to my schedule of no weed during the week (well… really just Tuesday through Thursday lmao) but I had AWFUL trauma dreams and it really affected my mood. So last week I didn’t do as well, though definitely less smoking in the week. This week I took edibles Tuesday night bc I wanted to make sure I would sleep well before my internship, but I didn’t have anything Wednesday or Thursday night. I had some fucked up weird dreams for sure BUT they weren’t directly trauma related so definitely easier to handle. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge but I’m hoping I’ll get used to this schedule and it’ll just become second nature.
Therapy with B is good - we’re now switching to every other week! NEVER thought I wouldn’t be in weekly therapy!! I was worried my behaviors would escalate bc I’m scared of “getting better” and being seen as not sick, but so far so good and it’s helpful to be aware of it.
My parents are coming out next weekend and my mom and I are going wedding dress shopping!!!! Crazy!!!! But we still have 554 days until the wedding so I have plenty of time. This will be more to get a sense of what styles/silhouettes I like. It’s gonna be surreal to look in the mirror with a wedding dress on. Hoping my mom isn’t too opinionated if we disagree lol.
I can’t remember if I have said this on here yet but A and I have decided to move to Seattle in august! I’m soooo excited but also nervous to be close to my family again. A also feels conflicted about it but we’ll take it one day at a time and it doesn’t necessarily need to be permanent. It feels a little silly career wise to leave Boston which is a city with such amazing hospitals and go to Seattle which has one level one trauma center, but I might want to work in a specialized outpatient clinic anyway. I would NOT want to work in an ED so maybe it doesn’t really matter. I think it would be really cool to be a medical social worker in an outpatient cancer clinic working with young adults, though I know that’s very specific and I’m not sure exactly what’s available out there. I’ve started to look at jobs just to get a sense, but obviously I’ll have to study for and pass my licensing exam first. I would love to take more Spanish classes while I’m working on that. I miss it!
Overall things are really good. I keep waiting for shit to hit the fan but idk… weed plus A plus a meaningful internship (last year too) has led to such a long period of stability (well long for me lol). A and I were talking about how at the end of this decade he will be 43 (!!!) and I’ll be 39. I started thinking about my life seven years ago at 24 and it feels like I was a completely different person. I would’ve laughed in your face if you told me I would be where I am today. Idk. It’s weird. I worry that one day I’ll relapse with my depression bc I genuinely feel… happy? So it’s kind of easier to not use behaviors. But if I felt depressed and hopeless, things might be very different. I guess I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time.
Edit: I also started on propranolol a couple months ago and WOW has it made a difference in my anxiety especially at my internship. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to work on the mental distortions, but the physical aspect of the anxiety has just been so tricky. After taking neurobiology last summer, I really am recognizing that trauma can have such long term effects on your body.
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peaky-shelby · 1 year
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still buzzing from the amazing chapters u fed us with!!
can I ask you something? What software do u use to write? Word?
Also, I know its probably easier to find motivation to write bc u are getting so much support (as u should) but honestly how do u get yourself into writing mode? And are productive at it?
Im also a writer and am struggling with finding motivation. And the blank page sometimes is scary even though I know want I want to write. Ughhh I hope u understand!
Anyway, I literally just vibe with you alot! Of course I don't know you but you pass a very lovely vibe through your replies and interactions!
Have a great weekend <3
hiiiii,
first of all as i always say thank you for taking your time to read my stories. Means a lot.
Nooowww about the softwares, yess i use WORD unless I'm writing for my scripts, in which case i use FADE IN, if you wanna look into other writing methods.
I have some tips for writing mode so here we goo:
The most cliche one is have a certain time of day you'll write every day no matter what. Tell yourself that everyday at 6pm, you'll sit and write for 10 minutes. Start writing. Some days you'll only write for 10 minutes because your brain is dry and it's just one of those days. Other days you'll start writing and you're never gonna stop because everything is gonna flow and you'll feel content.
It's best when you have a specific time everyday but If you can't , then whenever you have the time just do that. Sit down, set a 10 minute timer and begin. When the timer goes off, set another 10 minutes and by then chances are you're so into the story and writing you'll keep going.
Music also helps to get your mind working, especially if you have made a playlist that is based on your fic. It distracts you from the real world, gets you inside the world you are creating and motivates you to start writing.
Rereading the previous chapter you've written to get on the spirit also helps. By the time you finish reading you wanna keep going and continue the story.
People motivating you is amazing. But you have to learn to motivate yourself in these situations. That can happen with deadlines. Set deadlines for yourself and if you make it give yourself a present. The goals don't have to be huge. It could be one chapter per week. Or to have finish a 100 pages in two weeks. They can be anything as long as you allow yourself to see progress. I've been in the business of professional screenwriting for a few months now but as I've already said I'm still incredibly insecure when it comes to writing my personal stuff and I'm not following other people's plots. Sometimes my insecurities alone stop me from writing. Setting deadlines and rewarding yourself helps stop those insecurities from growing because you can see there is progress and that motivates you to continue writing.
White pages are the most terrifying thing in the world, trust me I know. And they never get friendlier unless you change your mindset. Some times a blank page will be a monster, other days they are endless possibilities. I like to compare blank pages to space. You can go anywhere, do anything and 50 minutes later you realize you're just floating in darkness. There's only one way out and it is to write. Start writing, even if it's the worst first line, even if it's a line you stolr from somewhere else. Look at your keyboard, face down and say fuck it. Start from any part of the story you want. If you don't want to write a scene now, write the next one.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, write about things you are obsessed with. Don't push yourself to write a story that doesn't make you feel like you are high, screaming, crying, throwing up. Write about what you love. I haven't felt as much excitement as i have for New Romantics in YEARS. I picked a plot that I knew interested me enough to think about it before i go to sleep, a topic that i knew interested me to research and could get me obsessed even.
In conclusion writing is a sneaky hobby. Because a lot of times it takes a lot of an energy and you gotta start from nothing. It's all about setting an environment for yourself that awakens your soul and your heart every time to open up. For me music does that. And sometimes when i don't wanna write i create playlists, edits, aesthetics, mood boards, presentations about my fics. Anything to get me in the story. It's all about creating, if you start you can't stop.
I hope this helps and please don't hesitate to text me or send another anon ask. I'm here to make friends and meet people. I love creating blogs that i can interact with others in a safe environment. That's why you'll never see any toxic shit here. I'm a bit of a crackhead, yelling all the time and freaking out but i promise I'm harmless. 💞
I love you to the moon & back xx
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