jjk 208 was ok besides the yuki treatment (which makes it as a whole a big ol' fat stinker for me), but idk... How Gege handles deaths are very telling and built up but if Yuki is dead, then this is a dramatic shift in how Gege writes those who die. Plus, Garuda is an intertwined concept of the Phoenix and just disappeared this chapter. Maybe Yuki will rise from the ashes in some way

people fundamentally misunderstanding what abuse even is all for the sake of arguing about fictional characters and being an abuse apologiser kind of actually drives me crazy like. real people get abused. and these idiots who do this are going to end up repeating violent rhetoric that will be harmful and actively put people in danger by normalising something like "you can't be abused if you fight back against your abuser because that's also abuse" or "abuse is when someone physically larger physically hurts someone who is smaller" or something. ("abuse is when the scary brown man hurts the defenseless small white man")

like 😭? ed holds a certain degree of authority over izzy as his captain and someone izzy projects his own fantasies onto, but izzy holds an IMMENSE amount of power over ed, and has for a while and maybe even ALWAYS has been building it up, and that fantasy plays into it. abuse occurs when someone holds power over another person and misuses that power and causes them harm, even if that person is "unaware" they're doing it... it's not complex and it's nothing to do with what's "typical", a parent can abuse their offspring, an adult child can abuse their parent. it's about the power dynamic. their relationship is incredibly imbalanced and it's always been in IZZY'S favour, his role is LITERALLY meant to liken to like an evil advisor whispering in ed's ear – an imbalanced, toxic dynamic where ed is the victim with false control over the situation, because the entire point is izzy wants him to be The Best He Can Be (a ruthless pirate).

izzy eventually getting hurt physically in retaliation isn't ABUSE because ed isn't enacting what little authority he does have over izzy (who allows him to have it as izzy finds perverse joy in SEEING ed use that authority against him and Be the fantasy he wants ed to be), he's just fucking retaliating to being taunted by someone who hates him. izzy got physically hurt, sure, but he was not ever scared of or threatened by ed, ed did not hold any further power over him other than the fear in any man's mind who knew they fucked around and found out and got fucking shot for it.

when ed severed their connection with that bullet he severed izzy's hold over him to a vast degree, but that still doesn't mean he then held an equal amount of power over izzy in his place. and ed even had the insane heart to actually feel bad about hurting him and forgive him for everything else 😭. izzy literally acknowledges this IN THE SHOW. it's actually concerning the lengths people will go to defend an aspect of a character that is written in the damn script (izzy is a toxic manipulative cunt who wants to control everything ed does who eventually stops doing that because he knows he went too far).

anyway. sorry for that. good morning ^_^

good morning anon you are correct and you should say it

it absolutely baffles me like how the fuck are you going to be so committed to banging a drum for your shitty fave that you end up posting stuff with real world implications about who can and cannot be a victim of abuse

like even without the nonsense the take was full of headcanon and weird analogies anyway (like it's useless to compare being a pirate captain to owning a house. those are fundamentally different things. turns out piracy doesn't neatly map onto 'normal' life today. who knew!)

but the lengths that people will go to to declare that izzy did nothing wrong after the show has looked them in the eyes and said 'the narrative is telling you that izzy was wrong'??

i'm so glad they killed him off bc i cannot cope with another season of shit like this. i patiently await their exit from the fandom tbh

people reblogging the (almost) 3 year old Master Chief goes to therapy ficlet is nice, but I've also reached a point in my insanity (applying the degree I'm getting to video game characters) where I know Chief would be a terrible client. Every assessment and eval would be truthful to him because he is functioning, he is happy with how he handles things, he is fine with how he maintains (or doesn't) relationships. Individual Outpatient Therapy would be sitting in a room with a brick wall trained in not giving up classified information.

I could give a TedTalk on how you could maybe expose John to psychoeducation and coping skills in a group setting of other veterans/spartans, but he's not at the right stage of contemplation. John Halo would get the best and worst grade at therapy because he is not ready to consider himself a person or worthy of reflecting on the things done to him.

Fred would go to therapy before him and do better and he had that awful fucking time with Dr. Veronica Clayton.

Anyways this is just insane posting about how my ideas have changed.

so I learned today that my dissertation that I thought I monumentally fucked up actually got the highest mark I could have achieved, and I am now the proud owner of a master's degree, and I may be getting fucking published, and a year's worth of tension and stress is finally starting to seep out of my body, and my nervous system can maybe have another fighting chance at regulating (unlikely), but—

The first thing my friends and family said to me was "proud of you!" and in the same breath they all, independently, said "you better also be proud of yourself" and then my mother said "your happiness always seems to be short-lived and fleeting, why is that?" and then she hit me with a "you stress yourself out to the point of illness and work yourself crazy only to enjoy none of the results" and—

boy howdy was I at a loss for words because she's right and i hate hearing my close friends and family echo the same sentiment of: I simply do not allow myself to enjoy any fruits of my labor???? I will bleed myself dry for validation and achievement and praise and love and then feel completely fucking insane for even wanting it in the first place.

It's why I stopped writing, why I abandoned so many threads. I wasn't getting any validation. I felt totally worthless.

and then I feel depths of shame previously unexplored at my Big Age for wanting some rest and peace (ironic that i beat myself up for wanting to recharge after I literally studied psych and wellbeing and the importance of rest!!).

I guess I just feel selfish for wanting to celebrate myself sometimes. And feel unable to be happy for myself because I hate boasting. So I'm going to hold myself accountable and say that I'm proud of all I've overcome to get to this point in my life, a point I did not anticipate being at 5 years ago, or even a year ago.

Onwards and upwards. 💛

p.s. I could not have finished that fucking dissertation without the emotional support of the gazillion rwrb fics I read throughout my writing process. I genuinely used ao3 as a coping mechanism and a rewards system for me to power through what was probably the hardest year of my life (for many reasons beyond academic).

to all of my writer/creator/artist/friend mutuals and the general rwrb fic/art community (I know you won't see this but i love you all the same), please know that any gratitude I express will never be enough. if I've ever screamed in your inbox or comments sections, know that it comes from a place of deep, genuine, at times debilitating emotion. y'all literally kept me afloat during some of the worst months of my life. You continue to keep me afloat. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I know your words, and that is a privilege.

Really empathizing with your recent life updates and hoping everything works out for you. I've also been experiencing some Life Events (not very fun lol) and i now have a very large urge to move to canada. Idk about you but im at that weird 20s stage of my life where everything seems so permanent and lifechanging but also not? So full support in your cross-country moving dreams!!

that's literally it sigh. I've recently had a lot of upheaval in my life that was out of my control and I think my instinctive reaction is grabbing everything I do have control over (like, to some degree, where I live) and also throwing that to the wind because I feel like my self-image is being radically reordered by forces outside of me, so I'm trying to gain control of everything by changing what I can change.

as I inch closer to my late 20s (maybe I'm there already, idk, pacing by age is stupid for a gazillion reasons yet we do it anyway) I also have that feeling where it's like: clearly nothing I do matters! and yet, for some reason, apparently every decision I make is life-defining! what the fuck! I have no power and all the power at the same time!

it's just tough. I've had a lot of friends go through pretty big changes lately; changes that to me, speak to an adulthood I don't have access to yet. some are getting married, others divorced, some are on their journeys to parenthood, or preparing for those journeys. and it's like... I feel like I'm frozen in time, untouched by the life markers of my age and peer group. hell, I'm barely coping with both of my younger siblings now having boyfriends they're comfortable telling me about/introducing to the family, but meanwhile I just experienced the first real crush of my life this year. I know "queer time" has been discussed more recently as a phenomenon but I was unprepared for experiencing it. I'm a million miles "behind" everyone in my life. and yet, I'm not even actually ready to be where they are. I want it and I don't. I want to reinvent myself so badly and yet I form attachments to where I am and who I am. I'm wishy washy because my decisions don't matter but they also do. it's just insane.

I'm really comfortable here, and I'm not ready to move yet, but I also refuse to make plans for my future concretely. I've never been the type to have a life plan, for better or worse. I just.... live, and I take life as it comes. but as I get older, I feel like ~I'm okay~ if I keep horse blinders on and only focus on myself and how I feel, but when I take the blinders off and look at the world around me, and the people I hold near and dear, suddenly I feel like I've been dumped into an olympic swimming pool and want to keep up with people who've been training their whole lives to swim.

by a lot of metrics I'm doing okay. I keep my wits about me when it comes to money. I've been very fortunate to travel a lot and to experience some of the world. I maintain good relationships with the people I've worked with. I have friends. I get by and live decently. and that should be enough, right? if I live well enough and enjoy my life day by day, that's what matters...?

but like you said, it's those sudden urges. that feeling of wanting to run away to something. I think it's being spoiled for choice. I don't really have ties to anyplace. I could go anywhere. I could do anything, in actuality. no one is reliant upon me. no one NEEDS me in any one place. I could move to freaking London if I wanted to. the world is my oyster, and I'm a little paralyzed by the true freedom of it. you can do anything. so what do you do?

the sensation isn't new to me, but it's been a while since I felt it. I've done too much crazy life development this last year, lol, I'm ready for a quieter season of life where I can sink into routine and make connections with interesting, kind people and reconnect with my passions (running, writing ... both of which I've been working on lately), but I feel so untethered and I think I'm chasing fantasy dreams (running away to the PNW) because I'm definitely the kind of person who, when plans go awry, sometimes feels the impulse to blow them up even further to pretend I'm in control of any part of the process.

which is to say: I feel you, good luck, and my DMs are always open if you wish to commiserate, haha.

— welcome to my proselfship sideblog ! here you'll find mostly my art, which includes but is not limited to; my f/o (tom marvolo riddle) and my f/o with my persona.

i do warn, however, that the relationship between me and tom is twincestuous. we are codependent twins.

why? to make it short, i view it as the most equal dynamic and it lets me have a mutually obsessive attached bond with him since birth that cannot be developed otherwise.

but there is no dark content here. by that i mean no abuse or what not. it's not my thing. this is a healthy relationship, if we exclude tom’s murder and fuckery. but if twincest is icky to you, you may also treat it as selfcest. and if you wish to stay for tom riddle alone, here's a tag i recommend filtering to not see my selfship art dump: #riddle twins

now if you want to get to know me, here i am, hewwo! :3 you may call me tomette. this is also the name of my persona, tomette merope riddle. in fantasies where tom is female and we are identical twin sisters, we are called tomie and tomette. although i think you’ll mostly see tom and i, and not the lesbian version. maybe? who knows. i'm actually a lesbian irl. tom is the only boy i am somewhat attracted to (since he's not real), but i do at times prefer his female version because i prefer sexual fantasies with women. so ig it'll depend. :3

i am very unsure how long i will stay here, drawing and sharing. i do not know if there are even people who would want to see my self indulgent art. but i'm struggling with my mental health nowadays, and i thought sharing some of my world(s) might make me feel better? i use daydreaming to cope to an unhealthy degree, it can be overwhelming but i do not talk about it with anyone, so i'm hoping to find some relief in the proselfship community.

i was a tomarry fanartist few years ago on twitter. i had to abandon that ship because i learned i was projecting on harry this whole time, and seeing tomarry art was making me physically sick with jealousy. sorry for being insane, it'll happen again :^( i cannot stomach anyone discussing tom at all tbh, but that is a problem for me to handle. so if tom is your f/o, don't worry about sharing, i will close my eyes and pretend i did not see you simp over him.

if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask them ! and if you have any art requests, i am also open to hearing them out and possibly doing them if i get the chance and energy <3

Truth is. . .

I wish I could tell you I stopped feeling this way.

I wish I could tell you that the psych word and getting sober made it all go away.

I wish I could tell you that getting closer to a God of my understanding, or rather the Game Dev of my understanding, has made it so these feelings or thoughts never came up again. . .

But that isn't true.

Truth is. . . I still want to kill myself. It's not that I necessarily really want to die it's just that sometimes the pain gets so big that I don't want to be alive.

My Game Dev wouldn't allow me to die, apparently my save-state in this universe has me alive--I certainly can't drink over it or use drugs, this includes marijuana unfortunately--and I can't go to the hospital again because I have bills to pay and I'm already in arrears with my rent. . .

So what else am I supposed to do besides feel my feelings and process them and actually cope and do everything I can to use my tools?

I can't magically wish it away, it doesn't work like that. You can't magically wish away cancer, mental health illness is the same thing as any other type of debilitating disease you just can't see it and the only manifestation are the behaviors and feelings, not necessarily anything physical.

I'd love to tell you that it got any easier, it really hasn't it's just my resilience has increased apparently by the grace of my Game Dev.

Not every day feels like this but every day has been feeling like this to some degree for quite a while now.

The thoughts don't go away, the medicine certainly does help otherwise I would be worse off than I am which is insane for me to think about.

My first attempt was at 7 years old, I am now 31. I pray everyday that my game does forces a patch update and my coding and updates my firmware and eradicate my bugs that lead me to think this way but the bugs and errors keep popping up and the same occurrences keep happening but that's okay.

I pray that my system does not cease functioning, and I pray that I don't try to take a permanent action to temporary problems again and end up corrupting my CPU and just be a blank state vegetable where my power runs but there's no processing behind it.

I know I have to keep fighting and I know I have to value myself and it isn't just about who relies on me.

No human power can relieve me of myself, not even myself, I just have to choose different small little things everyday.

To any other brave soul that maybe out there going through the same thing that's reading this, thank you for being here today and I love you.

Kanade is my sdra2 favourite. I wish she could win too!

I love Dra's chapter 3 killers so much, like Kinji is more justifiable side but Kanade was batshit insane and I enjoyed when she roasts people. What a queen she is!

I'm quite happy nobody can woobify Kanade though, I love her with her fucked up nature. Hibiki is woobified and Im quite pissed at the fact they try to make her a perfect victim, stop doing that guys.

Funnily enough I never wanted Kinji to win because probably winning is worse outcome for him to face, but it is quite.. good to think about "what if?" scenarios.

And I agree! Kiyotaka and Byakuya probably going to clash a lot too if Kodaka let them interact, they are similar in a sense but their reasoning is different and I would like to see that

Yeah!!! I have much more faith in Linuj's writing than Kodakas. What I really liked about Dra(1?)s chapter three is that it looked like they were going to play the "unsympathetic chapter 3 double murder" trope straight due to Inori's cause of death and his breakdown during the trial, but nope! We got arguably, one of the most understandable reasons for murder in existence.

Despite praising Linuj a lot, there is one thing he and I will forever disagree on. Kanade was (to a degree) a victim. I don't care what Word of God says, things would not have gone down the way they did if the parents were involved in the story... like at all. If you see one four y/o getting bullied by another, you should step in and intervene. She was lonely at school too, we never see any mention of her having friends like Hibiki canonically did.

That being said, murder and incest are not school appropriate coping mechanisms Kanade.

The twins aren't as black and white as people think, even if Kanade is objectively worse.

For Kinji, I want him to have the ending he thought was going to happen. Can't belive Monokuma did him like this. Also,,, him being the traitor is peak symbolism, because he has elements of both Jesus (execution, cmon) and Judas. Or maybe I'm overanalysing. I love to do that.

THH had such good potential for interesting character dynamics that was never cashed in on. Like, I love it but sometimes it feels like it is good on complete accident. If I don't need a Korkboard to explain character dynamics, then there better be a good reason why not.

is it just me who screenshots and/or copy pastes the conversation you replied to so i know what i'm replying to !? yeah, okay, just me. 🫣

first of all, from what it said, (this is from sunday or monday, no clue. don't ask me - time is a social construct!) you'd gotten an awful sleep schedule !! :(( but, i do hope it's better now !! and don't worry, i'm no longer as sick as i was that day !! the dutch weather still is crazy - it hit 11 degrees today (remember i told you 24 on saturday?! it's crazy!!), and i got so used to this, that i just carried my puffer on campus and once i got out, i still had it in my hand until i had to leave to come back home. i wanna go back to my island girl phase and be in higher 20s/30s please !! summer vacation, please come soon (less than 90 days, so slay!!)

my new period just started, and we're learning about - ahem - "health technological innovations + EU" while, i'm icked by the amount of law we'll be doing alongside, i'm hitting the T of STEM, so we love that!! i have hit, s, t, and m so far !! i don't think i'll be getting close to the E until maybe next year on erasmus ??? or master's !! 😭😭 but i'm so glad to hear that you're making progress (hopefully it's going well !! or else, i might have to bring out the whatchamacallits (also look! my computer recognised it, i swear, i got so surprised !!!)

oh my gosh, i so relate !! because, that paper started off about care for xyz disease comparing east/western europe !! it ended up turning into something msm, and i swear - it wasn't pretty. i kid you not, i had DREAMS of google scholar with the search bar full of "MSM" and other boolean operators and other disease names. i hated it, but i passed so we love.

ruhi ramble over for now !! sending you so much love and amazingness your way !! i love love loveeee sending you asks, - i think talking to you has become one thing i have to do on a daily basis or the day essentially hasn't happened yk ?? ANYWAY !! much love !!! 🫶

eeeesh, this is long. my bad (not really guilty, ehe 🤭)

OH you're so real !!!!😭 i sit with a screenshot pulled up right by it so i KNOW i can hit every single point i need to reply to - you aren't alone here sweetheart 😭

time doesn't exist to us !!! i say because i am a survivor of 'has no idea what day it is' disease ... luckily my sleep schedule is on the mend !!! (i did stay up til three last night to watch a silly little hockey game but the results were insane so i'd say it was worth it !!!) and i'm so so happy to hear you aren't as ill anymore !!! but that is Insane oh my god ??? that's so back and forth idk how you cope honestly love 😭😭 manifesting you get your higher temps back and can fully enter your island girl era once more !!!!!

whilst that sounds far beyond my intellectual level ,, that sounds so interesting !!! i'm praying for you for the amount of law you'll be hit with , but you're hitting the t of your woman in stem !!!! you can do it i know it !!!! collecting all of those letters like the icon you are <33

AHHH IT RECOGNISES THE WHATCHAMACALLITS !!!! THIS IS SUCH A WIN FOR US !!!!! i think i may have to heavily start romanticising studying to get through the last few days of slogging over the essays , but i am nothing if not determined !!!!

i am so proud of you for passing that firstly !!!! you're not just a kind soul - you're a genius too !!!! but oh my god that is INTENSE i don't know whether to be impressed or concerned for you lovely 😭😭 but it's over !!!! you did it !!!

i'm sending you all of my love too , ruhi , and once again i'm so thankful to have you in my inbox - it's always a pleasure and i love having you here !!! it truly is an honour :( hoping you're having the best day and night ,, and sending you love and joy and whimsy !!<3

written 5/22/22

The year I was fifteen was easily the worst year of my life. To be fair, I am young, so I don't have a lot of competition between the other 9 or 10 years I can actually remember, but it was traumatic nonetheless. I like to describe my life in ways that diminish the things that have happened to me. A mindset portrayed by hollow phrases such as “life just dealt me a shitty hand of cards”, and “i make the best of what i’ve been given” Those describing my generally dissatisfying life in a nonchalant way, but the way i’ve coped with my hardships has been anything but nonchalant.

I frequently wonder what I'd say to my fifteen year old self if I was given the opportunity to have a conversation with her. She was a troubled shadow of the person I am now, and while I'm in no way completely stable or healed of that girl I was, I think that my younger counterpart would be surprised at how far I’ve come. When i was fifteen i attempted suicide. That statement has been so ingrained into my speech, between having to explain to doctors, therapists, mentors, and friends, it does not feel like any sort of a big deal. Everybody goes through rough patches, my brain repeats, why would mine be any different? These statements heavily downplay the intensity of every emotion I felt at that period of my life. Every single feeling was heightened to an intense degree. A happy moment with a friend didn’t give me a comforting sense of joy, it gave me a manic state of excitement. A snappy moment from a parent didn't give me a quick sting to be shaken off, it sent me into a panic attack. I was far from but the mellow persona i’ve adapted now, I was an ticking time bomb simply waiting to go off at any moment. So many things had built up inside of me, I was absolutely unstable, and I truly couldn’t see a future where I wasn’t dead. I had no desire to be alive, and that statement isn’t said lightly. I genuinely lost my will to live, and the intrusive self harming thoughts that had haunted me ever since I could remember were becoming far more actual considerations for me than far off ideas driven by random emotional situations. I’d grown up always thinking I'd be better off dead, even happier dead, but those thoughts stayed locked away in a nightmarish area of my consciousness, never at the forefront where ideas were actually given a sense of consideration. Then, as was probably expected, I made the decision to end my own life. I attempted, failed, and woke up in the morning disappointed. But, unsurprisingly as the extremely depressed person I was at that time, I was not willing to put in the effort to come up with a new idea to try again. I could barely force myself to get out of bed to pee, I wasn’t about to come up with an intricate plan to take my own life after my first one didn’t work.

So, with the contextual nonsense out of the way, I think I've figured out an idea of what’d I’d say to that deeply troubled girl, and while I can’t present this to her, I might as well put it out there. Hopefully it’ll heal that part of me that's still that broken fourteen year old girl, or maybe it’ll help someone else. I don’t really care which.

Hey man, how are ya? Not well, I know, I was there. Literally. I don’t fucking know if this will help, like at all, but I wanna tell you all the things that get better. SO much of the shit that feels like it's suffocating you right now works out, and while things haven’t made it to perfection yet, as of now at least, there’s a much higher level of breathing room two years from where you're at now, I promise.

Let’s start out with the lighthearted stuff, you've got a killer haircut right now. You learned how to make your natural hair look insanely good, and you have the coolest shaggy, curly, healthy head of hair ever. And you got bangs, they look amazing. To top it off you finally learned to dress the way you want, and people finally associate you with having good style, just like you’ve always wanted. You still listen to the same music, but you've found so much other cool new shit that gets you through the day better than anything else can, and you still love to draw more than anything else in this world. You've got three amazing best friends, a plethora of other cronies, and a boyfriend you're absolutely head over heels for. Mom finally loosens up and you've got a phone with every social media your heart could want, completely unmonitored. And finally you’re comfortable with your sexuality and are generally out as a queer person. While there's so many more little things that I think you’d enjoy to hear, I feel like with those more significant ones out of the way we should address the elephant in the room.

We’re alive. Crazy, right?

I know that if you had to put everything you owned on it, you’d bet you’d be dead by seventeen. But look at where you are now! I know you well, you are me after all, and so I'm aware it is not comforting to you for me to sing your praises, to say how proud I am of you, I know it only makes you feel like shit. That pathetic feeling where people praise you for accomplishments, the ones that while are monumental for you would not be monumental for the average person, doesn't go away, but hopefully it’ll mean a little something coming from your future self. I’m proud of you. Of us. Of me. The road ahead of you is difficult, and does not come without challenge, new and old, but you kill it. Never does it become easy, you will struggle, you will scream, you will cry, and you will consider a take two on the whole death by your own hand thing, but you keep your head up. With every piece of shit that fucks you over, every freak of nature type accident that absolutley screws up your wellbeing, and every good person that unintentionally hurts you, you keep on walking. Sometimes you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get through it, and sometimes a kind soul offers a hand. Life doesn’t get easier per say, but by god you get good at getting through it. Keep up the good work, stay stubborn, and stay driven. It’ll help you more than you know.

That's all for now I guess, I hope that provides you some sort of comfort, and I can't wait for you to fully experience the person you're growing to be.

L8R SK8R

Best wishes,

Anna-Claire Chupp

Platonic Yandere Dick Grayson x reader x Platonic Yandere Starfire Part 4: Dick Focused

A/N: If this chapter seems like it's neglecting my girl Starfire that's because it is. I had to split this chapter into two parts with this one focusing more on Dick and how he deals with you making him mad while the other chapter focuses on Starfire and how she deals with you making her mad. I'm posting both parts at the same time so dw about having to wait for that chapter because it's already up. 

Dick's anger came out whenever his patience ran dry.

Dick was convinced you were just a kid who never actually got to be a kid since you weren't raised in a good environment or shown enough love growing up so that's why you reacted as aggressively as you had to his kidnapping spontaneous adoption.

But sometimes kids needed discipline as a part of love.

He and Starfire were usually a good balance for each other as their emotions tended to linger in different places so they could usually reason with one another and influence each other for the better. Dick’s patience typically balanced out Starfires lack of but that doesn’t mean Dick never got mad. While Starfire’s anger usually wasn’t fierce when directed at you, Dick’s could be terrifying when it finally came out.

He had been enthusiastically going over the different room designs you could have as he wanted you to be able to have your own space to some degree since he understood the need for privacy to some degree. He would have a baby monitor in your room as well as security cameras but those were precautions in case something was wrong and he wanted to be able to trust you and let you have your own space.

He had been feeling particularly rough that day and he was so, so exhausted. He didn't know if it was his job and his habit of taking on too many cases too quickly to cope, the stress of his relationship with his family and the crazy abundance of baggage that came with everyone in it, sleep deprivation, keeping his emotions at bay for so long or just a random surge of an aching tiredness. But he was overwhelmed by it. 

But even still he had to get through the day and he couldn't leave you out of it, he wouldn't neglect you like that no matter how tired it was. The relationship he and Starfire were slowly building with you was tender and soft and so, so breakable. He wanted to be able to bond with you and he knew designing your room would be a nice experience for you both to share and it would let him get a little bit more insight on you.

But when you lashed out in anger at him, smacking his phone away shrieking that he was 'insane' and 'fucked in the head' he snapped.

"You think I want you to hate me! You think I want you to look at me like I terrify you!" Dicks hands tightened on your shoulders before he pushed you back slightly "Well I don't! Of course I don't!" Dick's face contorted into a disturbing pain that stung you into a shock. Dick's voice seem to break up a little in as he struggled to hold back his wavering rambles "I don't want you to- to hate or be scared of me or to look at me like I'm a threat to you because I promise you I'm not and I know you don't believe me but I promise you I'm not. You're just a kid- you're just a kid and I know you think and say you're not and maybe legally you're not but you are! You're just a kid who got lost and you need help." Dick's forceful hands gently grabbed you by the front of your shirt and pulled you closer to him "you need guidance" Dick looked at you, rage filled eyes now bleary with sadness. "you need me kiddo" Dick pulled you tight against him, making sure to let the moment of him squeezing you in an embrace sink into his mind and his memories securely. He didn't want to waste a moment. "You need me" his voice found a way to be steady and he spoke with assurance though you didn't know if it was for you or himself.

One thing was clear. You had a long road ahead of you all.

A/N: Hey I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I have a few others that I plan to send out soon just about platonic yandere Dick and Starfire but I also have some ones in this little series that focus on some of the batfam and other characters and their relationship to the reader/ their progress of becoming platonic yanderes for the reader. Starfire and Dick will still be in these but they will be including characters like Jason Todd as well so expect that in the future. Dw I will stick that in the title if you don't want to read about those characters. These fics I've been making have been entirely self indulgent and I am aware of that. Will be posting soon!

Hi happy new year to you babe!!! Hope you had a fun time celebrating the new year, cuz I can't lmao. I dunno if someone already asked you this or if this is a spoiler or something (you don't have to answer this btw). But if I may ask, (1) would there be a mafia fic soon? (no pressure tho, just curious). (2) is the obsession of the boys already at its peak or nah? and if nah, would we see how worse they can get? (3) (if this makes you uncomfortable, I am sorry and please ignore this) as someone who is self-aware that I have a very shitty coping mechanism, the household bunny really speak to me and it kinda is my comfort fic, I just wanna know how the boys would react if the mc just shut down? Like for me, it's hard to speak my thoughts out loud because I am self-aware how others might see my thoughts as me trying to gain sympathy or that I'm just making it worse than it actually is or that I might influence their way of thinking and make them think like how I think (which is not good), so yeah I wanna know how the boys deal with it. (4) would Jungyoon, the mc, and the boys be in the same room in some point in time? I really wanna make Jungyoon feel really uncomfortable lmao.

Sorry if I'm just dumping this here. Again, you don't need to answer any of this as this may be triggering, but thank you for writing really. It helps me.

Happy super late new year to you bb!! I will answer the questions as best as I can without spoiling!

1.) Yes... I hope. I have almost 9k of the next mafia one written... and they haven't even kissed yet lmao, so this one will be a doozy but I hope to get it out the moment I finish!

2.) I am assuming this question applies to the household boys (if i'm wrong pls tell me and I'll answer it again!) Buuuut I would say none of em have reached their peak, Jungkook might be the closest to it? But yes we will see how the closer they get to her, the more they realize how precious she is to them, and they're all insane (not as insane as the mafia boys but still) so that will translate into some yandere-ness, nothing too crazy ofc but still crazy lmao

3.) (I'm so glad my fic is a comfort fic, this is a huge compliment don't worry!) Also the coping mechanism I believe you're referring to is the "freeze" response? *pushes up glasses in psych bachelor's degree* i'm jk i know this bc i read a lot and went to therapy lmao But the guys would freak out, not at her or in front of her ofc. THe only ones who would understand what's going on would be Jin, Namjoon, and maaaaybe Hoseok. Jin is a doctor, so he had to have taken some psychology classes in school and Namjoon is an educated fellow who reads a lot. Namjoon would take the more direct approach of sitting next to her, not too close, and talking, asking her questions, but not getting irritated if she didn't respond right away, he gets that she'll respond if she's ready but he would ask questions like "What color do you think that flower is? I say it's more pink than purple, but I don't know?" as a (not-so-sly) means to ground her. Jin would probably ask if he could hold her and if she says yes, he'd hug her, maybe sway a bit, as he reassures her softly.

I could go on for days about the four f's in trauma responses, both as someone with CPTSD and someone who somehow got a degree in psychology, but I'll just let you know that dealing with life is hard, and not everyone is going to understand how you deal with it, but that doesn't make you any less brave for doing so! Whatever people project onto your neutral actions is not your problem, no matter how much they try to make you feel like it is!

4.) ...yes >:) I won't say when, but I greatly look forward to writing it/sharing it with y'all. His discomfort fuels me.

Also don't worry bb! It's lovely to use all my psych knowledge on something, makes the degree and books feel like a worthy investment! I'm no licensed professional by any means but I like helping in whatever quirky way I can! Thank you for being so wonderful and thank you for entrusting me with this ask!

I had therapy two days ago and we were talking about my nightmares and my thoughts and planning for suïcide where getting worse. And she asks what is new and all I could say was that I'm studying a lot for school now. I study psychology and she says it's normal 'cause I'm continu triggered. I asked will it get better and all she could say was 'I'm sorry but no' She does allow me to continu with my studies if I stay completly honest with her but she doesn't want me to work in this field.

So like it basicly all fell apart and I don't know why but I'm like willing to keep pushing through and study this and get my degree for basicly nothing. 🙄 I never took al my mental troubles as something really serious. I'm like it will pass, it's just a phase, I'm fine but hearing this and knowing it will only get worse the more I have to learn about all of it it's just a stab in my heart and I really don't know what I'm suppose to do right now. I'm sorry, don't want to bother you with this😂

They told us two things when I started studying Psychology: Don’t diagnose yourself and Don’t diagnose your friends/family. But I will tell you, the amount of things I learned about myself while in school for psych was insane. Things that I thought were perfectly normal that were actually the result of the trauma I had been through. It blew my mind. To this day, I still don’t have a full grasp on how bad it actually is? Like anytime I get a new therapist or when I finally open up and tell someone my story, they are always so shocked. I didn’t even consider what I had gone through as trauma until my therapist broke it down for me because I had become so desensitized to it. That’s actually a really common theme. We have a tendency to belittle what we’ve been through, especially by saying, “Well there’s just so many people out there who have it worse.” Okay. Yeah, maybe. But that doesn’t take away from what you’re going through. Someone else’s trauma does not negate your own.

But, on your point, I don’t like that your therapist told you that it won’t get better. The whole point of therapy is to help you cope and to give you the tools to better handle and manage your triggers. As far as your studies go, that really needs to be your decision. If they’re affecting your mental health this badly, are you sure you want to continue? If you do, just be sure to take the necessary precautions that your therapist suggests. And a degree in psychology can be used for several things, so the degree won’t be useless. There’s a multitude of fields you can go into, so if you don’t want to, don’t give up yet.

Lot I agree with and yes his problem with loss and the way he was brought up is significant.

Here's where I'm coming from though. Karuta itself as a game doesn't reallly matter. What matters in any of these types of stories is not the sport itself, what matters and always will are the characters and their relationships. The sport and competition are useful insofar as they serve as a playground on which these characters develop and interact.

What makes Taichi so interesting as a character is that his relationship with Karuta exemplifies this principle the most. There are different levels of complexities through which it is expressed. First of all there's what we're talking about which is his inability, because of the way he brought up, to deal with loss in a healthy way. We see this in the flashbacks when he's praised and pushed to be the best at even Karuta and he stoops so low to maintain that as to steal Arata's glasses.

But there's also another dimension to it which is his feelings for Chihaya. Huge part (maybe the main reason) of why he worked hard to excell at it is to get noticed by her since it's the thing that has taken her whole focus. That's why he wanted to win against her that badly.

Thens theres another layer to it which is Arata. His inferiority complex with regards to Arata signifies both "struggles". Arata is someone that he (believes) he can't beat. He thinks they're not or can't be even on the same level. That highlights his problematic relationship with losing and not being the best at something as he was pushed since he was a kid. But not only that, Arata's excellence at Karuta grabs Chihaya's entire attention. Her passion for the sport starts with him and he continues to be someone she looks up to. (She later develops her own reasons for reaching the top that has more to do with her rivalry with shinobu)

Apologoies for the long introduction. But this kind of mishmash of struggles and renaltionships fueled by his anxities and insecuries manifesting in his relationship with Karuta is exactly why I don't think like you think, which is that his arc is about coping with loss and therefore losing was necessary. That's merely one aspect to the story. There are different lessons that can be learned and each could take his arc in a different direction. Just to give you an example I can totally see a conclusion where he ends up with Chihaya but ultimately loses to Arata. The arc could be him learning that not being the best at Karuta isn't the end of the world and that appreciation and self worth dont and shouldnt come from his skill at Karuta. That lesson can be validated by Chihaya for whome excellence at Karuta was not a deciding factor in seeing his worth and deciding to be with him.

I could imagine the opposite where he does beat Arata but doesn't win over chihaya. And the lesson can be that it was insane from the beginning to try to win a person over using Karuta and how that developed an unhealthy relation in which he tied his self worth and performance and enjoyment of Karuta to Chihaya(we see that clearly since its been pointed out several times that when she's there he underperforms) . So "losing chihaya" to Arata wasn't the end of the world and his enjoyment of Karuta shouldn't depend on his attempt to win over Chihaya and that he can find fulfillmemt in working hard at something and excelling at it against all odds but free of the insecurities he brought with him initially.

There are many ways through which he can find self worth be it within Karuta or outside it. My problem with your take is as I said the emphasis on one aspect which is the competitive loss. (Also I think it's kinda misleading to talk about loss. He loses a lot and keeps pushing himself all the time. Sense of cope with not being the best or at Arata's level is more accurate). But if you add the Chihaya dimension you could make a coherent but also satisfying conclusion in which he loses in both aspects but finds self worth.

Guess my point is everyone should stop dismissing others criticisms and for everyone to stop seeing their interpertation as the only valid one.

P.s. I still prefer my arc in which he loses in all aspects but doesn't find self fulfillment either inside or outside of Karuta.

Sorry for rambling for so long.

I don’t mind rambling! I ramble all the time, as I’m sure you’re already aware, lol. And I think I understand what the miscommunication between us is now. I don’t think at all that loss is the all-defining trait of his character arc or the only one by which his character resolutions will ultimately be made. It’s just the one I’ve focused on specifically in my posts since yesterday because of the issue I had with people’s interpretation of that depiction of loss to begin with. I wholeheartedly agree that Taichi’s arc conclusion is also definitely going to take into account his feelings regarding Chihaya and Arata respectively; those are also really important closures he has to reach in order to be able to move forward, and they tie in just as heavily to his issues with self-worth. I’ve discussed those in detail elsewhere, though, so I wanted to focus on the loss aspect specifically with that post I made yesterday, because the overwhelmingly negative reaction to it kind of baffles me. That’s not to say that I think people with other view points are outright wrong or that people don’t deserve their right to criticism. Any narrative is going to warrant that after all, and that’s the beauty of discourse! But I feel like a lot of people who are upset with where Taichi’s arc goes tend to feel like Suetsugu abruptly ended it with the Qualifiers and defined it by that loss—even the main translation team that had been handling scalantions for years quit after the Qualifiers were over, because they weren’t satisfied with the direction his story took—and to me at least, I don’t think that was the end of his story, and there’s still resolutions left to be made by him afterward. I can definitely understand people still being doubtful to a degree, of course, but I simply hope people can be patient enough to see Taichi’s ultimate endgame before they decide whether what everything he went through was worth it or not and if that loss was really the end for him. I have my own doubts about things, too, but I want to afford Suetsugu that chance to prove herself first, I guess. I know that’s not something everyone will feel about similarly, but maybe I feel about it that way because I’m a writer myself. 😂

Meta reality anon: Well when it comes to Yozora we'll know better (or won't) in a couple of days. ;) Yeah something like that. I do think the merging and confusion between fiction and reality will be a major theme in the upcoming saga. After all it's been built up since COM in various ways: false memories vs real. Nobodies. Data and Dream worlds. Woldlines. Different realities w/different versions (video game Yozora and real Yozora). I do think MoM will toy w/this a lot. I think I'm pretty -

2 pretty focused on those dark beings MoM told Luxu about in Union X. He made them seem very different from what Sora and anyone else besides MoM has encountered so far. More intelligent. More scary. I'm wondering if MoM isn't the only mastermind in the shadows. Like those dark beings he mentioned are beyond anything even existing in the Realm of Darkness and they're pulling their own strings to keep this war cycle going. Shoot for all we know they messed w/reality first and MoM got in-

3  on it later on. There's a lot to unpack and a lot we don't know. But I do think those dark beings are going to be a huge deal: possibly the true final bosses of the saga (not that I think MoM will be a blameless saint unless some epic twist is made. He's definitely a shifty guy just for what he put Luxu and all the other Keyblade weilders through. Good intentions or not). They say there was darkness before light and all light must have a source. Maybe we'll learn about the first clash-

4 between light and dark, battling for supremacy as reality was taking shape. MoM could be a ancient being as well from around that time. As one reality fell to darkness. People learned to create new realities like storybook tales. Ansem said a heart like Sora's could breathe life into anything, from wind to a puppet. Maybe MoM also had a heart like that. One that could create whole realities even. The heart is the most powerful and mysterious thing in KH. Kingdom Hearts itself will make anyone-

5 a god who opens it successfully. Kingdom Hearts is a character all on it's own. It's the one that truly decides what is or can be real. It certainly seems far less inflexible them most Keyblade weilders are. W/this in mind Kingdom Hearts already has a very mysterious connection or interest in both Sora and MoM. Maybe KH is more active then we think? Everyone just sees it as this thing to attain or protect. But maybe it uses the Keyblades as its eyes to watch all these realities w/hearts 

6 I'm not sure if this whole kh universe is MoM's creation or if it's Kingdom Hearts. But I do think MoM is fascinated w/ideas of what's real or not on many different meta levels. I think to a degree Sora (and Yozora) is too. Sora's very first lines are questioning if what he knows is real. He also thought more deeply about the nature of nobodies and found out they are real. Not to mention, again, Ansem's insight that Sora empathy allows his heart to create hearts in others. What's real again?-

7 In KH Idk. Honestly the very idea of questioning reality to this extent is unthinkable. You'd almost feel detached like you were in a constant dream. Then to suddenly to yoinked to another Final World when you're existence was suppose to vanish. That's insane. Do you think the MoM's and Sora's actions are causing a ripple effect on KH? One that's warping fact and fiction. MoM and Sora were brought to a world: Fantasy based on Reality (FF13V's original tagline). What does KH consider not real?

In regards, to the dark beings mentioned in the flashback, I’ve basically said my piece in my analysis of the scene. I personally don’t think he’s talking about an actual force of darkness. I think he’s taking advantage of the double meaning in KH terminology to make us think there’s another force of evil out there. I think he’s actually just explaining his ‘sympathetic’ back story. The reason for the smoke and mirrors is because it’d be in dramatic character, point to the themes of fantasy as a coping mechanism, and the reality of it being the interpretation of real world evil would give away the twist. 

That’s my meta reality lens. If we limit our ideas here, then yeah, MoM could be talking about a new dark force in the lore. I just think we have all the lore pieces in terms of opposition laid out before us.

And having someone behind MoM is always a possibility but it’d be a little tired due to MoM’s reveal that he’s basically behind the entire first saga too. Motive is one thing but I personally am not a fan of last minute villains. MoM’s being established as a villain for years now and it’d be a little low to change that in the finale. 

Ultimately if you view the KH world as an entirely fictional beast, the subjects within it unaware, then you can essentially explain any plot holes and contrivance as a “meddling god” or author. I’ve always been one to try to understand the inner mechanisms of mythological physics which is why I’ve gravitated to this reading. Making real that which isn’t. I refer to my interpretation of the Replica situation to best describe the entire function of the kh world. 

Replicas are objects imbued with data. Cold hard facts and information. A heart is the force that sparks that data into life. Whether its a heart placed in the object or born from surrounding relationship, the heart is the sole requirement to be considered an existing person. And by nature of this very basic law the object miraculously becomes the intended person down to the blood pumping in their body. It’s not magic, it’s like… the actual physics. Because this is a reality that is subservient to the emotions and those emotions are born from the story told. The fantasy being presented. I go into this in my Worlds as Stories theory but it’s the reason why I see these grand entities like Kingdom Hearts as simply the embodiment of the entire fictional realm. 

I think the 4th wall is going to be broken soon. That Sora is going to discover his origins and have to grapple with his philosophies of existence being put to the test. This could very well change the entire fabric of the KH universe as a result. I mean you can't undo that knowledge once it happens. (i mean unless you forget which could happen). I’m the weird one saying that I don’t think Sora and Yozora are in the world of Verum Rex but in the real world. Because if Yozora dwells in a Fantasy based on Reality. Then Sora exists in a Reality based on Fantasy.